Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hey, Josh.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hey there, Josh.
[7] How are you?
[8] I'm doing well.
[9] Thank you, Conan.
[10] How are you today?
[11] Well, I'm very good.
[12] You are coming to us from where, sir?
[13] I'm coming to you from sunny South Africa.
[14] Cape Town.
[15] Oh, you're in Cape Town.
[16] And I take it you do the local news and weather.
[17] I'm in the local news and the weather.
[18] That's an accent.
[19] I've been preparing my whole life for this moment.
[20] Terrific.
[21] Are you in your place of work right now?
[22] Or are you in your apartment?
[23] I'm in my little studio apartment.
[24] So in theory, I'm in my kitchen, my lounge, my bathroom, everything I kind of have.
[25] Listen, I think we all understand.
[26] You only need one room, you know.
[27] 100%.
[28] That's all anybody needs.
[29] We all live in this room.
[30] Yeah.
[31] We haven't left this room.
[32] in over nine months.
[33] Okay.
[34] It's just, yeah, it stinks in here.
[35] So let me tell me about yourself, Josh.
[36] Josh, you are living in Cape Town, South Africa.
[37] I've never been to South Africa.
[38] I know really very little about the place.
[39] And are you from there?
[40] Did you grow up in South Africa?
[41] Yeah, I am a South African through and through.
[42] Home of the Eiffel Tower, as you know.
[43] um yes no south africa you lost me how was it home of the eiffel tower it's not that was sarcasm i am it's not the home of the archer tower but i mean the fact that you were lost hold on a second i know a little bit about humor and uh that one totally sailed past me and i think sona too gorley did you know what was happening uh yeah i was just in my own head about how james bond's never been to south africa either oh well you got us on track So this is the list.
[44] Cona's never been to South Africa and James Bond's never been to South Africa.
[45] Really, in all of his travels, James Bond has never stopped off in South Africa.
[46] Or Australia or Canada.
[47] What the hell's going on?
[48] The cinematic bond.
[49] I don't know.
[50] Yeah.
[51] The only James Bond is the cinematic bond.
[52] There's the literary James Bond.
[53] Has he been there?
[54] He's been to Canada.
[55] Okay.
[56] Terrific.
[57] Josh, we're going to call you back because we have to straighten out some bullshit over here.
[58] We'll cut this.
[59] Yeah.
[60] Don't worry about it.
[61] So, Josh, you live, you are a native South African, you're from there, and what do you do?
[62] I'm a sales executive at an impact gaming company here in Cape Town.
[63] I don't know what an impact gaming company is.
[64] What does that mean?
[65] Most people don't.
[66] So you get your regular gaming companies, so your call of duties, you know, that stuff you play as clueless gamer, then you get impact games, which is games that drive a business or a social sort of impact.
[67] So that might be games about mental health awareness, that might be games about, you know, driving some sort of social message that needs telling to the world.
[68] Oh, I didn't realize there were games that are...
[69] Served a purpose.
[70] Yeah, that served a real useful purpose.
[71] I thought all games were just a waste of time that made us more violent.
[72] But I didn't realize even in non -shooting games, I often end up shooting people.
[73] Yeah, I saw what you.
[74] Yeah, Pac -Man.
[75] I have my death rate in Pac -Man.
[76] I've shot so many ghosts.
[77] So, Josh, these are, so there are games that help people with depression?
[78] I didn't know that.
[79] Yeah, absolutely.
[80] I mean, there's games that can drive sort of any social message.
[81] But, yeah, whether it's depression, there's games about saving certain animals.
[82] There's a game called Gibbon, for example, which is about gibbon monkeys and portions of those of the revenue goes towards, you know, conservation.
[83] There's all sorts of stuff.
[84] It's a whole branch of gaming.
[85] Ironically, though, in making the game, I think they have to grind up a lot of gibbons.
[86] Isn't that one of the ironies of the game?
[87] Yeah, these are blood gibbon games.
[88] They're conflict -gibbon games.
[89] Yeah, and we also...
[90] When you buy the game, the packaging is made of pure gibbon bone.
[91] So you gain, but you also lose at the same time.
[92] Wow.
[93] I didn't know that.
[94] And so you're a salesman.
[95] Now, tell me, I don't know anything.
[96] I've never been in the business of selling people things.
[97] Do you think of yourself as a good salesman?
[98] What are the tricks of the trade?
[99] I like to think of myself as a good salesman.
[100] I wonder what my boss would say.
[101] I mean, tricks of the trade, all sorts of things.
[102] But there's usually three things you're selling.
[103] This is the really big tip here is you're always selling the product.
[104] You're always selling the company and you're always selling yourself.
[105] And they say whenever you're selling anything, you've got to focus on those three things.
[106] Right.
[107] Right.
[108] So you're selling, say it again because I completely forgot.
[109] Sure.
[110] Okay.
[111] So you're selling the product.
[112] So let's try it one more time.
[113] So we're selling the product.
[114] You got to sell the product.
[115] That seems like an obvious one.
[116] Yeah.
[117] Then what's next.
[118] You've got to sell the company.
[119] Oh, okay.
[120] Meaning, trust me, we know what we're doing when we make this product.
[121] 100%.
[122] And then the third one is.
[123] And then when you're selling yourself at the end.
[124] This is an interesting conflict of interest for you because your product is you.
[125] The company's team, Coco, essentially, you, and if you're selling yourself, that's a triple...
[126] It's all, you're right.
[127] I mean, Matt brings up a very good point, which is that I am a salesman, my product is me, the company, let's face it, is me, and I'm selling myself already because of the first two.
[128] So I'm the consummate salesman, I believe.
[129] I don't think you do any of the sales stuff.
[130] Also, I believe that I have the finest product in the world.
[131] Well, and, yeah.
[132] I think you would sell yourself for much less than you're probably worth, which is why you hire people to help you figure that out.
[133] Yeah, maybe, maybe probably.
[134] What do you think?
[135] Do you think you need confidence, don't you?
[136] But you don't want to be overconfident.
[137] Is that right?
[138] Yeah, I mean, you don't want to be overconfident.
[139] You have to be really confident.
[140] But I think ideally you have to get past the point where you go past both of those things and you just don't care.
[141] And you just say, I'm just going to sell this product as best I can.
[142] I don't care how I look, I don't care how I sound, I'm just going to be persistent and you're going to buy this damn thing, which I think you do pretty well.
[143] Thank you, Josh.
[144] I'm going to take that as a compliment.
[145] I don't.
[146] I'm not.
[147] Well, okay.
[148] So let's say this, Josh.
[149] Let's say you happen to know for a fact that the product.
[150] is terrible and probably dangerous and could kill Gibbons everywhere.
[151] But you've got to sell it.
[152] Do you have a moral qualm with that or do you sell whatever you need to sell?
[153] That's a great question.
[154] I mean, I have to be paid at the end of the day, so I saw what I need to sell.
[155] Oh, oh, man. This guy hates Gibbons.
[156] Wow.
[157] Josh, I have to say, you really, you didn't even think about that.
[158] You just said, you tell me what to sell, and if it's baby carriages that explode after they've been pushed three meters, I'll do it.
[159] Is that what you're saying?
[160] That is 100 % what I'm saying.
[161] That is the most of the person.
[162] Appreciate the honesty.
[163] Well, you know what?
[164] Guess what, Josh?
[165] You were honest.
[166] A lot of people don't say what they really believe.
[167] And you believe that baby carriages should explode within seconds of being operated.
[168] Yeah, exactly.
[169] That's, yeah, I mean, who really needs a baby is the real big question.
[170] We're about to hit eight billion people.
[171] Let's be honest.
[172] This guy, wow, he's good.
[173] You're an interesting man, Josh, and it didn't take long.
[174] All I had to do was just scrape the surface just a little bit.
[175] And the true monster that is Josh came out.
[176] That's a, what else have you done in your life?
[177] What other skills do you have besides you can sell anything and you will sell anything as long as the cash is there at the end of the day.
[178] What are your other skills?
[179] Well, here's the thing.
[180] I'm in sales and that's probably my primary skill set, but I actually studied music.
[181] So, you know, who knows how the hell I got there, but that's probably the primary skill set.
[182] It's actually music.
[183] So I studied jazz, guitar, and bass at a university here in South Africa.
[184] And that's what I've been doing for most of my life.
[185] It's playing, performing, gigging, producing, whatever.
[186] So that's your passion.
[187] Yeah.
[188] Yeah.
[189] Most people who play music.
[190] music don't get to, that doesn't get to be their living, you know.
[191] That's just the way it is, especially if it's jazz, you know.
[192] Hundreds of sense.
[193] I've lived that life.
[194] And that's why I'm a salesman.
[195] Whenever someone starts to even, whenever someone comes to me and says, hey, can you invest in my jazz radio station, I usually have to say, no, I can't.
[196] You know, it's a art form that people pretend to like, but come on, it's not really happening.
[197] But I salute you for being, apparently you're very good.
[198] Can't you use your sales techniques on your own music and become super successful?
[199] I mean, definitely I could.
[200] But then now what's really coming to light is that I'm not a good enough musician to be a musician.
[201] And I'm not enough, look of a good enough salesman to sell my skills as a musician.
[202] So what you're really giving me now is career anxiety.
[203] Appreciate it.
[204] Well, okay, we didn't mean to do that.
[205] But I would like to point out, you have revealed yourself to be a sociopath.
[206] Yeah.
[207] who will, who will, oh, I love that you toast that.
[208] Yeah.
[209] Who does that?
[210] Who toast that they're a sociopath?
[211] And it's just that you're a jazz musician that reveals you as a sociopath.
[212] Yeah, exactly.
[213] I'm, uh, do, do, do, do, squiddly, do, do, do.
[214] Uh, I shouldn't go after jazz because Eduardo, our, our engineer loves jazz, listens to it all the time.
[215] I do.
[216] And, uh, has no friends.
[217] Um, uh, and what other skills do you have?
[218] What other kooky jobs have you had?
[219] So, yeah.
[220] So when I'm not, you know, when it's not babies or gibbons or music or sales, I've also worked in the world of finance, which was in some way, that was an indirect tax reclaim sales job.
[221] So a whole other direction.
[222] And then I was also an art auctioneer on cruise ships.
[223] And that's where I learned most of my sales skills.
[224] Wait a minute.
[225] You sold what kind of art is being auctioned off on a cruise ship and how bad is that art?
[226] I mean, that's not a place to auction off art, is a cruise ship.
[227] You wouldn't think.
[228] Is it stolen art?
[229] Do you sell it in international waters because it's been stolen?
[230] That's exactly what it is.
[231] All that missing arts and all those paintings that people are throwing paints on at the moment, that's where they go.
[232] They go to the cruise ships and get flogged.
[233] International waters, I understood.
[234] But no, no, there's amazing art, amazing artists on those ships.
[235] And, yeah, I was an auctioneer for two years.
[236] That's where I learned the skills, the sales skills.
[237] Wow.
[238] That's cool.
[239] You're drinking a lot of water, Josh.
[240] You've had many gulps of water while we're talking.
[241] What?
[242] Why are you getting on him about that?
[243] Well, I'm suspicious.
[244] It is true.
[245] I've noticed it too, and it does feel like you're sort of nervous.
[246] Are you lying to us or something?
[247] Or what's the feeling you're getting?
[248] I'm getting the feeling that Josh is pulling some kind of scam on us.
[249] It's a tell.
[250] When someone's drinking too much water, it's a tell.
[251] No, he's going to pitch a time share.
[252] Yeah, you are.
[253] You're going to, look at him.
[254] Look at him.
[255] There he goes again.
[256] Oh, my God, that's a lot of water.
[257] Are you just, have you been urinating the whole time you've been talking to us?
[258] Yeah, there's a bucket underneath you.
[259] You did say it was a one -room thing where everything happens.
[260] Thank you.
[261] She's sitting on the toilet as you speak.
[262] Uh -huh.
[263] Yeah, yeah, it's like a jail cell in the toilet in the middle of the room.
[264] Okay, well, are you a good auctioneer?
[265] I like to think I was decent, yeah And I had fun doing it and I got to speak Imagine you're selling an appearance on Conan O 'Brien needs a friend Could you auction that off right now?
[266] To us, we're the buyers Yeah, we're the buyers Good luck.
[267] Okay, so Sona's already passed Great, so it's just on the radio Security is a scoring Sona out because she doesn't, you know, she's not dressed appropriately.
[268] That's actually how a lot of the auctions were So that's pretty accurate so far.
[269] Okay.
[270] So you're the auctioneer for Conan O 'Brien, an appearance on Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[271] And this is, you want to get top dollar for this.
[272] All right.
[273] Ladies and gentlemen, next on the block, we have an incredible offer.
[274] A talking appearance on Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[275] Ladies and gentlemen, this has an estimated retail price of $3 ,500.
[276] But we're going to start the bidding at just $2 ,500.
[277] $2 ,500.
[278] $2 ,000.
[279] $3 ,000.
[280] He has not three now, time and now, $3 ,000.
[281] $3 ,000.
[282] $3 ,000.
[283] He's going to $35 ,000.
[284] You are having a small stroke.
[285] $4 ,000.
[286] $4 ,000.
[287] $4 ,000.
[288] $10 ,000.
[289] That guy's a genius.
[290] $1 ,000.
[291] $1 ,000.
[292] Conan, fucking, O 'Brien.
[293] Brown coat.
[294] Ladies and gentlemen, that one is so.
[295] Jesus Christ.
[296] No, no, no. I will pay more.
[297] I didn't realize it was that.
[298] The guy that worked on the Simpsons, the guy that changed.
[299] the face of late night, the guy who then reshaped audio as we know it, $175 ,000.
[300] $180 ,000.
[301] Wait, sold out O 'Brien?
[302] No, no, not Soledadad O 'Brien.
[303] Retracted.
[304] Amazing.
[305] The NBC broadcaster?
[306] You want to, well, I do like Soledadad O 'Brien, so, okay.
[307] There was some confusion there.
[308] Anyway, that was good.
[309] You had me very excited.
[310] I can sell.
[311] pumped.
[312] Not sold up.
[313] Well, I raised my voice and I used profanity.
[314] That usually means I'm excited.
[315] Yeah, yeah.
[316] You're really excited a bit on yourself.
[317] That was the most masturbatory thing I've done since I last masturbated.
[318] Come on.
[319] Sorry, my guy, Josh.
[320] Josh.
[321] Don't ask.
[322] Please, please.
[323] Come on.
[324] It's been a, Jesus.
[325] It's been a full hour.
[326] Oh.
[327] Let's change the subject.
[328] Okay, we held that tone for a while.
[329] Josh, say I were to come to Cape Town and visit you, what would we do for fun?
[330] I mean, right now you're a guy who sits pretty much in one room and occasionally gets out the guitar and plays suspended ninth chords that no one really is like, you know, tapping their toe along too.
[331] What would we do if...
[332] The Gordo really laughed at that.
[333] I couldn't have no idea.
[334] He loves to suspended night.
[335] What are we going to do, buddy, when we're in Cape Town together walking the streets?
[336] What's going to happen?
[337] What's your plan?
[338] So just judging from everything you've said, we're definitely going to hit all the jazz clubs.
[339] That's an absolute...
[340] All of them.
[341] Or every single one.
[342] But thereafter, I mean, there we can go take a cable cart, table mountain.
[343] We'll go check out the restaurants at Sea Point.
[344] We'll go check out the incredible nature that's available to you.
[345] to us here in K -Tan.
[346] There's some of the world's best restaurants are there Gibbons?
[347] Are there Gibbons running around?
[348] Not anymore.
[349] Not since I got you.
[350] Yeah, they've been ground up turned into video game.
[351] Video game packaging.
[352] You monster.
[353] You brutal monster.
[354] I'm going to.
[355] Oh.
[356] You're the Popeye of South Africa.
[357] Did you have a question for me or did we already answer that?
[358] I can't remember.
[359] Do you have a question, Josh?
[360] I did have a question, yeah, I've always been curious going on because you seem to use humor as this great connector of people and cultures.
[361] Oh, yeah, it seems like, you know, you watch your remotes, you're going to this place is you're interacting with people.
[362] Sometimes they don't even speak the language, you don't speak their language, whatever.
[363] That's, humor has played a fundamental role in South Africa post -apartheid.
[364] So, you know, I was also wondering from your perspective, have you noticed that humor has this ability to connect people in ways that maybe other things can't?
[365] I've noticed that it can connect people and also at times alienate people it has the power to do both but it is to be sincere for a second which I hate to do I think one of the greatest pleasures of my career has been going to different places especially places where they don't know who I am or sometimes I'm talking to children that don't even speak we don't speak the same language and if I can make them laugh it's very very gratifying So, yeah, I have very much enjoyed that.
[366] And I love doing it.
[367] It's one of the great joys of my life is going to some of the places we've been to.
[368] We've been to Haiti, Armenia, Italy, Berlin, Finland, Finland, Finland, Israel, Mexico, Mexico, Cuba.
[369] Man, thank you.
[370] I just watched all these.
[371] Oh, that's right.
[372] I was punishing Matt, and I made him watch all of them.
[373] But he says he's never going to do it again.
[374] He's going to behave himself from now on.
[375] But I really do, I really do like it a lot.
[376] And so I'm glad that you feel that that's what's happening.
[377] And I'm sure if, you know, if I keep it up and keep traveling the world, at some point, people will become very angry.
[378] I'll misstep.
[379] But we'll get some great footage of my demise.
[380] So, yeah.
[381] But it's very nice.
[382] nice to connect with you.
[383] Did you find us by listening to the podcast or YouTube clips?
[384] What did you find?
[385] I mean, Conan, I've been a fan of yours for years now.
[386] I mean, at least 10 years, at the very least.
[387] But that's through the most.
[388] My career is 30 plus years.
[389] Yeah, but I mean, the first is not the way to respond.
[390] The first 20 were really just not for me. But there are.
[391] No, I've known you for a long time.
[392] I've been a huge one of years.
[393] I really like that.
[394] That made me laugh.
[395] We once did it a bit.
[396] I was doing an anniversary show, and it was my 10th anniversary, and Mr. T, the famous iconic Mr. T, came out and presented me with a gold seven.
[397] And on my 10th anniversary, and I said, Mr. T, I've been, to wear out my neck.
[398] And I said, Mr. T, I've been on the air for 10 years.
[399] And he said, yeah, but you only been funny for seven.
[400] And he saluted, turned on his heels, and walked off stage.
[401] It was one of the biggest laughs I've ever heard in my life.
[402] And probably fairly accurate.
[403] Josh, this has been a real pleasure.
[404] It was really nice talking to you.
[405] Yeah.
[406] Thank you.
[407] Thank you for reaching out.
[408] And I do applaud you.
[409] I'm glad that the games that you're selling are doing some good.
[410] That sounds very cool.
[411] So you're helping people, which I like.
[412] So thank you very much, Josh.
[413] Thank you, guys.
[414] What time is it where you are right now?
[415] It's now 11 .30 in the evening, which is why I'm dressed like this.
[416] Okay.
[417] Yeah, yeah.
[418] Yeah.
[419] Okay.
[420] You're ready for the clubs.
[421] Exactly.
[422] This is straight off to this.
[423] Get out there.
[424] All right, go do your scales.
[425] I'll talk to you later.
[426] Thanks, Jeff.
[427] Thanks, guys.
[428] Bye, Josh.
[429] Thanks.
[430] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[431] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[432] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[433] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[434] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[435] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.
[436] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[437] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[438] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[439] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[440] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.