#185 - Tom Segura

[0] Tell me when we're up We're up I got to post it on Twitter So Tom I went to the doctor What were we talking about Before we started We're talking about like rappers Killing each other Yeah And I don't want to stop The subject real quick Because when that happened When I'm in the 90s You know When they started fucking shooting each other And coming out with gangster rap There had never been anything like that Could you imagine Like the beach boys You know And they fucking hated Elvis They want to shoot them You know Fuck you man Yeah Yeah She'd take it off bitches And there was the first time Where guys were ever able to brag About everything About their money About their sexual conquest It's like they'd never been You know like Eddie Bravo was talking about that song The other day She swallowed it It's not a good song I mean I don't like it You know It's okay MC Wren had a decent verse on that Yes MC Ren MC Ren was amazing What happened to that guy?

[1] I have no idea Is he?

[2] Yeah I think he's They're working on the new NWA movie right now A movie.

[3] Yeah, they're redoing the whole NWA movie and they're doing an NWA movie and using like family members.

[4] Who's going to play AIDS?

[5] Have they cast that yet?

[6] Have they cast that part?

[7] Yeah.

[8] Oh, Tommy with the fucking Zinger.

[9] Who's going to play AIDS?

[10] Oh, shit.

[11] No, you didn't.

[12] I think it was Morgan Freeman.

[13] Morgan Freeman's going to play AIDS.

[14] That's fucking incredible.

[15] Jesus Christ.

[16] He's just like, give me that part of the E had.

[17] I can nail this shit.

[18] Do you think Jerry Crowell will ever come back?

[19] I hope not.

[20] It's too much work, man. Cube had the fuck.

[21] He had a, he was like a poster child for the Jerry Curl.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Ice Cube had a really fucking nice Jerry Curl.

[24] It was good.

[25] If you're going to get a Jerry Curl, that's how you should take that picture into your salon and say, make me look like this.

[26] Was it Chris Rock's movie?

[27] What was the movie where they made fun?

[28] CB4.

[29] Were they sprayed Jericho juice in their hair all the time?

[30] Yeah.

[31] What was Jerry Curl juice?

[32] What was it?

[33] Just oil?

[34] It was oil.

[35] What was that coming to America?

[36] what was that soul glow soul glow remember and like you get off off the chair and there's like a stain on that yeah that's got to be true right yeah yeah how did that ever become popular look at hairstyles man hair styles are are insane but that's one of the weirdest ones ever you gotta put all that shit in your hair and make it greasy and drippy yeah what the fuck it ruins your clothes black people had the afro like that was like a style like a statement yeah right then member fades and high top fade they can get away with anything I remember when I was a kid Even black girls, they have straight hair They have white girls hair And you're like, how'd you get that?

[37] Shut up Oh yeah, yeah I know black dudes can't pull that off You know what I was really jealous of In like middle school and high school Was when black guys had like Designs in their hair Yeah Like they had like lines And shit would be written out Lightning bolts and shit Yeah and I'd be like I want to do that And like you cannot You will look like a fucking asshole There's a fighter who Is a black guy from some K1 guy but he carves like designs like tribal designs in his hair before he fights yeah it looks badass that's the thing you get away with it but do you think a black guy can get away with wearing like a white guy's hair like a black girl does no oh no no no that's hilarious imagine black dudes if that was the next thing they all started having bon jovi hair yeah oh no they just all had bon jovi hair weaves or what if it was just like parted like what if they just parted it like a good boy just combed Yeah, like Ted, Ted Haggard.

[38] Just were, like, cool about it and you're like, what's going on?

[39] Yeah, that would be so strange.

[40] Isn't it strange, though, but becomes popular and not popular, you know?

[41] Like, girls are allowed to have everything can be fake.

[42] You can have fake tits.

[43] You can have fake hair.

[44] Nobody gives a shit.

[45] As long as you look good, you look good, good.

[46] Okay, let's go.

[47] You know, no guy is like really, well, I mean, guys are.

[48] Don't get me wrong, but it's acceptable for you to be pretty enough.

[49] We are held to such a lower standard.

[50] Another thing that we get, like for most guys, like, if you, if you bat, you shower, you bathe regularly, and you basically, you know, change clothes.

[51] That's considered, like, take care of yourself.

[52] You don't have to wear makeup or anything.

[53] Isn't it, could you imagine, though, if you found out a dude was wearing blue contacts?

[54] Girls would be like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

[55] I almost bought some fake contacts the other day just because I was that stone, but it wasn't blue.

[56] It was the ones where you can, there's like ones that you can get like cat eyes, you get like completely black.

[57] And I just want to have a pair for no reason at all.

[58] Do you remember Michael Jackson's thriller when he had those?

[59] Oh yeah, the cat eyes.

[60] Yeah, the cat eyes.

[61] Dude, they have those and they're, I guess they're just, they're pretty cheap.

[62] They were like 89 bucks and he just put him in your eyes.

[63] Oh, that's right.

[64] Wasn't it like the end of the movie?

[65] He looks up and he's got the cat -ass thriller, yeah.

[66] Yeah, he turns back and then the left.

[67] That was a what a great music video.

[68] That was.

[69] That was amazing.

[70] That was an actual event.

[71] That was like a world news event.

[72] Oh, yeah.

[73] I remember that.

[74] Yeah.

[75] Yeah, it was huge.

[76] That's when we had far less channels, too.

[77] I can't imagine what the numbers were on just that video.

[78] They must have been, they must be astronomical.

[79] Yeah, they must have been through the fucking roof.

[80] I think it's 13 minutes.

[81] And that was like, that was so cool.

[82] It was like seeing that here.

[83] And for me, it was a werewolf, so I was even more excited.

[84] And a cool one, or really.

[85] That was Rick Baker that did that, I believe.

[86] I believe it was the same guy that did American War Wolf in London.

[87] He did a lot of Star Wars shit.

[88] The coordinated dance.

[89] all the dancing was cool as shit what was the message behind that you know what a weird fucking video and movie i remember people were saying it was satanic i remember that there was a bunch of protests about it oh yeah we're upset what a fucking fascinating which is the best thing ever when you get controversy like that when people when someone says this might be satanic that was when they were like guys fucking yes yeah michael jackson and whitney houston probably the two most talented people that died and everybody saw it coming yeah you know what i'm saying we talk about like really uniquely talented people that everybody's like man you know how long is this going to last yeah how long can you do you remember that um the the bobby brown show being bobby brown yeah when they were on the show screaming and yelling each other oh my god i remember when they talked they were at they were at a dinner fucked up they were not like buzzing like fucking no wreck screaming at each other and they were they had ordered like a feast and like i mean it was it was crazy yeah like how much food was on this take table and they were both just fucking completely out of their minds obliterated and laughing and then i forget one i forget who said like remember when i was i was taking that shit and you had to come over help me pull it out my ass and it was like yeah yeah i think it was that he was saying that one time she had a shit stuck inside of her and he reached up in there and he's like i pulled that dukey out and she was like i gotta take a dump right now i'm gonna drop it on the one like that was a thing you were like i'm gonna drop it on the one yes dude yes that's that funny how will know don't just you feel it how will i know and that's come pull a shit out of my ass yeah wow i'm taking a dump you put your hand in my ass you remember when they interviewed her there was an interview where the guy was trying to get to what the fuck was up and he's like yeah is it cocaine is it alcohol and she's like at times at times at times at times all of them like at times all of them and he's like you know if you ever if you ever smoke crack and she was like crack is whack yeah she said crack is whack i think that was to diane sawyer that she said that yeah and he also said it's rumored that you spent 750 thousand dollars one year on drugs and she said i wish i wish she said i wish as if like anybody on that ship right now yeah you kidding me shit that'd be a good year jeez right could you know but it was seven of It was the strangest interview, man, to listen to a person who, you know, when you grew up, you know, the bodyguard.

[90] Remember her with Kevin Costa?

[91] Dude, she is, she was such a talent.

[92] Such a talent, such a superstar.

[93] Oh, amazing.

[94] If you watch, like, how will I know?

[95] Yeah.

[96] Like the video, I mean, you see, she's so beautiful.

[97] Have you ever heard when they isolate her lyrics?

[98] No. Dude.

[99] See, I don't know if you can play that.

[100] I would think we can play that?

[101] Probably not.

[102] Not at all?

[103] Probably not.

[104] Not like giving it like a little sample of it or something.

[105] I don't know.

[106] Let's try.

[107] Her range, the range and her voice.

[108] It's just ridiculous.

[109] It's really stunning to listen to.

[110] It's just look up how will I know Whitney Houston isolated lyrics.

[111] Love it.

[112] Use two hands, you freak.

[113] Type with one hand.

[114] I don't know what the fuck you're doing.

[115] Shit's taking forever.

[116] He's a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen.

[117] Brian's going to confuse the fuck out of people.

[118] There's a way to take that video off your, you stream and put it on mine I don't know I could find out but definitely do it on Vimeo yeah people are mad at you Brian this is another O 'Brien moment they get excited people like it when you fuck up do you notice that?

[119] Yeah they love it what is that about makes it seem more real it's not edited and it's raw yeah people like a little conflict there's a dude who just sent me 19 tell Brian to shut the fuck up in a row okay that guy's blocked oh shit kid silly bitch um they didn't come wait here's one it's a it's a strange thing to listen to man because you know there's not you can give me a million years or all the coaches in the world they listen to that yeah listen to this shit god damn she was good yeah she was fuck that's just a voice that's a once -in -a -lifetime voice man that's just a perfect voice yeah she had the perfect voice and it's like that bodyguard days she's hot as fuck hot as fuck that was the first time ever there was a hot girl that a hot man was falling in love with yeah you know that she's black and they did a major movie about it have they ever done that before where the hot black girl and the man get together if uh man nobody barely even complained now that's not the main storyline you know yeah like that would have to be the story line yeah she was such a fucking gigantic star as a singer that they were like let's sing a movie with you I can't act who cares yeah just fucking we'll roll the camera say whatever you want we'll tie it all together you're working with Kevin Costor he'll carry you along she could act too acting is easy as fuck man acting and shit I mean there's there's high level acting obviously that none of us can do but the regular acting like the bodyguard yeah you could do that anybody can do that anybody's hard man what'd you say yeah yeah my buddy Mike Star was in that movie too he got beat up by Kevin Costor oh really yeah my buddy Mike Star we did a we did a TV show a long time ago called Hardball together it was a stupid baseball show that it's a terrible show but it was uh I made a bunch of friends Mike Star was one of them he got beat up in a bunch of movies you got beat up in a Stephen Segal movie got real mad of Steven Seagal because Steven Seagal was hitting him really hard really yeah yeah he had him wound up out actually having to put like a chest protector on because the guy was not really supposed to hit him you know it was supposed to like fake hit him it's for a fucking movie you know you're already seen Steven Sevens would just light his chest up B 'bam hit him with that fucking wing chung punch in the middle of his chest to Steve really either he just does it man he's known for doing that you know he's you know he's trying to make a fucking badass movie right and unfortunately when you try to make a badass movie sometimes you gotta sacrifice yeah I'm gonna kick you in the chest right now man get a fucking stomp dudes on occasion that's what he I mean that was his attitude I don't know he probably had a line after he kicked the shit out of him too which made it so much worse like you get kicked and then he's like that's what time it is turns around or some shit that's what time it is How did that happen?

[120] Like the guy that was in the movie that always has Like the witty one liner after he kicks you in the balls I don't know man that became I mean I think that became huge through Clint Eastwood I think he'd be the guy I mean you know I mean where he has like Where the badass thing happens Yeah And then you go in on close You push it on the badass face And he's like Ask your mother what she thinks Whatever in the thought he says The Clint Eastwood Every Which Way but Loose movies Were the first time That they really like combined like action and comedy together with a dude who wasn't a comedy guy but it worked.

[121] It works, man. That worked if you played real, you know?

[122] That's why.

[123] Philo Beto.

[124] It didn't try to be funny.

[125] Fucking cleaning, dude, come on, man. Every Which Way But Loose was awesome.

[126] And that was back when Cleeney's Wood was stuck with that one chick.

[127] Was her name Sondra Locke?

[128] I remember.

[129] He did a million movies with this freak.

[130] Yeah.

[131] I guess, you know, that was just his girl and they did a bunch of movies together.

[132] But as soon as they broke up, man, shit got ugly.

[133] Really?

[134] Yeah.

[135] He got her like some development deal to get her to fuck away from him and you know she accused him of blocking every one of her projects nobody wanted to do anything there I wouldn't fuck for Clint man she was suing a shit out of him it was just gross man it was just when people like divorce and they do it publicly like that you'd like lose so much respect for the more vocal member of the two you know and that was one of the case with the thing with her I automatically assume well this bitch is crazy we're gonna go yeah yeah yeah and she never really worked again you know Sandra Locke disappeared she was in a ton of movies with Clint Eastwood But that was about it.

[136] After that, you know, she thought it was because he blackballed her.

[137] But most people, I think a lot of it was probably because people thought she was gross.

[138] Like, you know, ew, what's going?

[139] What are you doing to Clint?

[140] Yeah, everybody.

[141] Clint Eastwood, man. You can't, he can't fuck over.

[142] That's movie royalty.

[143] Good, the bad and the ugly.

[144] Come on.

[145] You leave him alone, you know?

[146] What did you do?

[147] Can you imagine the stories that he had?

[148] Yeah.

[149] Oh, man. Oh, do you remember the one where he played like the old, like, racist?

[150] What was that?

[151] Elcom, was it the car?

[152] No, I know what you mean.

[153] Yeah.

[154] Yeah.

[155] What was it?

[156] Continental Old men on the couch Mustang It was real recently Yeah A porch man Yeah And they live next door El Torino I think that was it Yeah He lived next door To like a Hmong family Or something Right So there's always like He's like He's like it's an old time He's like Get your yellow ass off my long Like all this crazy shit And they asked him about Like political correctness And he was like I don't know what this shit's all about He was like back in my day Like we would shoot a movie And if the grip Was from China He was the Chinaman and like and he that's just who you are and like and we would just laugh about it like we could tell jokes to people about their race and people wouldn't freak out like because people were giving them you know a lot of shit right yeah people are super sensitive you're not even supposed to joke around about yeah unless you are of a nationality right a minor right or rather a what's the word I'm looking for it not minor like a minority or minority yeah or ethnic I'm a minor I'm thinking of a minority and I just stop at mine That's how tired I am.

[157] I think that for a lot of people, they give minorities, like, you know, whether black people can make fun of white people all day long.

[158] But you're walking a fine line and make fun of black people.

[159] I've seen you do some great black jokes, and I see people go, oh, shit.

[160] Right?

[161] Like, I see people like, the clench of them and go, oh, shit.

[162] Yeah.

[163] Because people worry.

[164] People worry when a white guy makes fun of black people.

[165] It gets to be a real.

[166] But black people can make fun of white people.

[167] I've seen white people laugh at the long.

[168] lame and shit.

[169] They'll laugh.

[170] It's just like, it's like a guilty laugh.

[171] Yeah.

[172] It's this weird, they do that fake white guy voice.

[173] It's like a rip off of the Richard Pryor white guy voice.

[174] Richard Pryor was like, it was a really unique thing.

[175] We'd say it was.

[176] You know, he'd say, you know, you can't fuck with white people.

[177] You'd be like, hey man, your mama.

[178] My mom's a great old gal.

[179] You know, and he developed that sort of white guy voice and everybody sort of stole it.

[180] They stole it.

[181] And a lot of versions of it are terrible.

[182] Yeah.

[183] It's kind of like, come on, man. White guys don't talk like that.

[184] that's not how they talk yeah and they get a lot of them give a horrible example yeah it's silly me you can tell white people you can tell white people yeah it's weird it's a weird uh gimmy you know so for a lot of black guys like especially when they're first starting out and stand up that's the first thing they go to yeah and isn't that one of those things that you see and you go oh he's going there yeah yeah oh of course yeah unless you see it done like supremely well yeah like there's there has to be like a super good example for you to like yeah and if the observation is astute when you're like that like that's some insight yeah dude you're picking apart something new or you're doing it in a fun like you're doing a version of it that I haven't heard but everything else has been done you know so like will there always be minorities do you think there's ever going to be a point where we're all just gray like a mogo return that gross that gircy yellow brown color like that's happening like race is becoming more really more mixed across the board you think so oh definitely why why are people attracted to blonde girls then But we talked about this.

[185] You know what?

[186] What I'm not attracted to is blonde eyelashes and blonde eyebrows.

[187] I'm not attracted to blonde girls.

[188] I'm attracted to blonde girls that do shit with their eyelashes and their eyebrows.

[189] Oh, yeah.

[190] Yeah, I don't like blonde.

[191] I like blondes the most, man. Isn't that funny, though?

[192] That's a weird, or girls who don't do that.

[193] Like, girls who have naturally brown eyebrows.

[194] Yeah.

[195] That's where they usually are.

[196] I gravitate.

[197] A lot of them don't, man. Really?

[198] But I can know what I don't like at all, though, is, like, bleached.

[199] Oh, yeah.

[200] That's not, it's got to be like a natural.

[201] Oh, I like all kinds of blonde.

[202] I think a lot of times when you take a girl that's like brown hair or some weird color of brown, you make her blonde, she's always hotter.

[203] You know, she's like nice bleached blonde?

[204] You know what's really freaking me out, man?

[205] Amount of people that are putting shit in their face.

[206] A amount of people that are putting like fillers in their face?

[207] Yeah, like the implants.

[208] It's becoming, well, they're not even cheek implants.

[209] That's what I thought they were too.

[210] I thought they were like, remember when Mickey Rourke did that?

[211] Mickey Rourke locks his fucking marbles.

[212] Remember that?

[213] Yeah.

[214] It's like in the 90s, I guess.

[215] He had cheek implants?

[216] Did he get implants?

[217] Yes, he did.

[218] And then he got a face.

[219] Then he got him removed.

[220] No, he had chick implants and he looked bizarre.

[221] Yeah.

[222] Well, I think what happened was that's when he was boxing.

[223] And when he had a pretty intense segment of his life where he just boxed and he boxed professionally, he got his fucking brains rattled, dude.

[224] He looks like it, too.

[225] Yeah.

[226] And I think that changed him as a person.

[227] You know, I think it made him, you know, this wacky eccentric.

[228] Like, remember Gary Busey?

[229] He was a regular dude.

[230] crashes his motorcycle, becomes this wacky eccentric.

[231] Totally crazy.

[232] Yeah, he used to be this really brilliant actor, really talented actor, like, Mr. Joshua, remember that?

[233] Yeah, and fucking, what was that movie?

[234] He's an exciting guy.

[235] What movie was that?

[236] We burned himself?

[237] Yeah, I forget.

[238] Bruce Willis movie?

[239] Was that Pulp Fiction?

[240] No. No. Fuck.

[241] No. It wasn't?

[242] That Gary Busee?

[243] Yeah, Gary Busey.

[244] He's not in Pulp Fiction, is he?

[245] He's not?

[246] I think so.

[247] God damn it.

[248] I hate one I don't know.

[249] I think O 'Rourke is from, I think it's from Liberty City, Miami, too.

[250] My point was, lethal weapon?

[251] Was that what it was?

[252] Yeah, yeah, Gary Busey was in...

[253] Was it lethal weapon?

[254] I think so, one of them.

[255] Yeah, I think it was.

[256] Yeah, it was lethal weapon.

[257] Hold on.

[258] Was he in point break?

[259] Yeah, I think so.

[260] That was a good fucking movie.

[261] That was a great movie.

[262] Yeah, Gary Bucy was, it was a lethal weapon.

[263] Yeah, that's what it was.

[264] But what was I saying, he was a regular dude, and head trauma transformed him.

[265] Yeah, and I think that's also what happened to Mickey Roar.

[266] you know he's a regular dude and he got so crazy that he decided it would be a good idea to put put like plastic things inside his cheeks to make his cheeks bigger and like nobody would know you've ever seen the photos yeah yeah he had him removed and now he's just got this weird thing we're just any of anyone that fucks with their face it's going to look weird like look i don't know if pa pa paul mccartney because like on the grammy's his face there was a lot going on there and i think a lot of those dudes are just botoxin it boatoxin yeah but still They freeze their face So they can't move Like if you get mad at something You can't move your forehead It's way better To be able to do that And look old It's so silly It's just you don't look better You just look weird You look weird Your face doesn't move Why isn't your face moving These girls on these Beverly Hills Housewives shows There's a lot of these women Have like fillers in their face And then on top of that They have Botox So they have these shiny faces That are like puffed up And they don't move And they look like masks I was high as fuck once And I was in the the green room with Joey Diaz Joey turns on the TV and it was Joan Rivers and I just freaked out I just freaked out because I was like I was so baked and it hit me like I looked at it and like really hit me what she's done and you know you just want to go just tell her to stop just tell her stop doing that yeah just tell her and she's still doing it doesn't make you look better it doesn't make you look better it makes it look crazy I know I know it's the weirdest thing ever that frozen puffy face you know it's like they're they're injecting things into their face because when you get older one of the first things that happens is your face starts to lose body fat that's why you get like sort of that sunk in wrinkly you lose so they're injecting things in there to puff it up and whoa it's crazy looking man she looks wild man it's a monster face it's a monster that's why when I see these women I call them monster faces because you see them all the time and it's like it really is just a mistake you know it's a mistake of you shouldn't do it's it's out of like such a fear of what would it look like all yeah they don't want to look old so they'd rather look crazy well it's also you convince yourself that you could fix something like I got hair transplants and I totally wish I never done it because I have this stupid scar in the back of my head now otherwise I would shave my head but I got it because I was convinced that I could fix something like my hair was falling out I was like how do I fix this?

[267] Is there a way to fix this?

[268] You research ways to fix this you talk to the doctor I can fix it and he can fix it oh he can fix it like okay I'll just get it fixed it doesn't fix it it fixes it temporarily but all the other hair falls out of it the way I described I said it's like you're taking a bunch of healthy people and you're moving them to a neighborhood where everyone's dying.

[269] Yeah.

[270] So they take hair from the back of your head.

[271] They move it to the top of your head.

[272] And then all its neighbors just fucking wilt.

[273] Callan has the exact same thing he was talking about on it.

[274] Yeah, he did it too.

[275] Podcast.

[276] And he was saying that they can pretty much get rid of a lot of the scar nowadays.

[277] Yeah, yeah, they can.

[278] Yeah, I'm actually having treatments.

[279] They shoot things in your scar.

[280] It makes it smaller.

[281] Oh, cool.

[282] It's like a cortisone or something.

[283] Yeah.

[284] What the fuck it is.

[285] Something.

[286] But it, um.

[287] This Botox.

[288] It's not, it's not, like, bad.

[289] Like, I've seen guys who have bad ones.

[290] Mine's really thin.

[291] It's a very thin scar, but it's long.

[292] I've seen dudes who have big, fat, wide ones because their skin stretches out.

[293] Where's some chains?

[294] Yeah.

[295] Do you think that I should have, like, a lot of bling to the track?

[296] Maybe they should have a giant Jesus on the cross.

[297] It'd be a conversation piece.

[298] That'd be nice, man. Start wearing capes.

[299] And no one will even know.

[300] They'll go, what's going on with your head?

[301] Nothing, whatever.

[302] Get, like, get an eagle medallion.

[303] Something big.

[304] An eagle?

[305] Three -D.

[306] Maybe an eagle on the back of my head, bro.

[307] American badass.

[308] now you're thinking with like like his claws will have like the American flag in it yeah don't you find it maybe these colors don't run don't you find it weird that capes never caught on like it seems like we should have cakes totally weird yeah I find it totally weird well I mean that's the fucked up thing that it never came back like you don't we don't wear capes in the 50s like I think capes maybe back in the like 1700s in castle times I think we think of that because of Dracula right but is that what they really wore I think it was cold as fuck back then And they hadn't really figured out jackets yet Yeah These stupid fucks They would wear their clothes And they would have this giant thing That they would throw over them Like a blanket that you run out of the house with If you have a, if you wear a cape now You better be able to back it up with some real shit What if it's cool?

[309] What if it had tons of pockets For cell phones and money and wall?

[310] It was like a book bag that was a cape jacket I just think you better be cool too It's very purple arena of you I want you to be a really cool dude Yeah You gotta be a bad motherfucker for real When you walk away You're like, yeah, it is pretty cool.

[311] I'll take capes over that stupid shit that I saw today at the store where this guy, grown guy, probably at our age, had a fucking wallet chain, but on it, it had like stuffed animals.

[312] I think there are different kinds of peak Pokemon's.

[313] And then he had a fucking raccoon tail.

[314] And I'm like, you are a grown.

[315] He had a raccoon tail.

[316] Yeah, the stupid fake tails that people are wearing.

[317] Wow, that's a sad man. How was this guy in the 30s?

[318] Is that what you say?

[319] 35, 40.

[320] Wow.

[321] Oh, my goodness.

[322] I just wanted to.

[323] Yeah.

[324] A cape is better than that.

[325] Yeah.

[326] The cape is a more powerful statement.

[327] definitely the uh host of fear factor in mexico had a cape real yeah yeah when we were doing fear factor they they spun off a bunch of other fear factors yeah and one of them they did in mexico i don't even know if they fucking it's like official this might be really they might just ganged it yeah but they would copy our ideas and they would do them with like no safety at all like we had one where we had these people where they had to get uh they had a rescue a dummy out of a burning building and we put them in these crazy fire suits with a helmet on and we had dudes standing by with fire extinguishers when they did it on the Mexican show they wore shorts wow they were just people in shorts running through a fucking house that was burning that's great yeah it was ridiculous it was probably a regular house too ours was a fake house that the fire department uses for training in these things it doesn't burn down there's covering murder yeah there's a drug deal about our country in our country and our culture is so engrossed within in lawsuits and it operates on them and the fear of them that you know that actually makes things way safer yeah you think about there's countries not necessarily Mexico but there's countries in the world we're like that is never an issue like we want safety you fall down they're like that's cool yeah we want safety we want to be able to do things safe and we want to be able to sue people that don't look out for our safety yeah but ultimately somewhere along the line we're becoming a bunch of pussies with the the lawsuit thing is yeah people like yeah they look at it as the lottery it's so ridiculous I mean there's people that have legitimate concerns and legitimate claims.

[328] They definitely are but then there's, you read about like in just these, you know, it's absolutely insane things that you pin on somebody else for things that you did.

[329] Yeah.

[330] Like everything is somebody else's responsibility.

[331] Well, you know about the lady that spilled the McDonald's coffee on it?

[332] That's so ridiculous.

[333] Yeah.

[334] I think they overturned that.

[335] I think they actually overturned that.

[336] Yeah.

[337] And that's not even that, to hear some of the ones that are five, and the ones that people win and the amounts, like, why are you paying this person?

[338] Have you heard about the Monsanto lawsuit speaking of they're guilty of chemically poisoning people in France they chemically poisoned a French farmer wow yeah that's gonna be a big suit yeah they were found guilty really yeah yeah I don't know the exact story apparently is first such claim to ever reach French court and Monsanto apparently they have some fucking pesticide there's another thing they found out that in 93 % of pregnant women they've that they tested they found this pesticide that exists in Monsanto genetically modified crops.

[339] Uh -uh.

[340] Yeah, uh -huh.

[341] Yeah, man, you know, our politicians sold us down a river.

[342] They let all this shit go on because this is a giant company that makes a ton of money.

[343] And the way they make the ton of money is they patent plants.

[344] They genetically engineer them so that it's uniquely theirs.

[345] And then they can, they decide where they sell it.

[346] They decide what price they have for it.

[347] And you can't do anything about it.

[348] And you have to buy new stuff every year.

[349] And if it cross -pollinates with the neighbor, they can.

[350] can sue the neighbor for copyright infringement.

[351] It's completely crazy.

[352] They've figured out a way to copyright life, and they've actually tried to do it with pig parts, and Monsanto's crazy.

[353] I mean, they've tried to do it with a bunch of different shit, but this should have never been able to get to this position.

[354] This is the best evidence that the United States needs, the best evidence.

[355] Something like Monsanto, the best evidence that our political system is completely corrupt.

[356] Because if you were really looking out for people, there's no fucking way you would let a company make a bunch of shit take plants patent them then sue people because the the air carries their pollen they cross pollen they neighbors plants and then this neighbor just you know where the fuck he got that shit from you assholes you know you're gonna get to sue them and you're gonna take a gotta court and there's India in India there's a whole bang fucking giant group of farmers that have been killing themselves because they they get indebted to Monsanto And they can't afford to pay their bills.

[357] Montano's like gangsters.

[358] That's like mafia.

[359] They will shut you down if you don't play a ball.

[360] Yeah.

[361] Well, this is crazy because you've got to think about how much political pull that they have and the fact that they still lost in court.

[362] I mean, that says a lot.

[363] You know, I think people are rising up and they're getting tired of this bullshit.

[364] It's ridiculous what these people have allowed to take place.

[365] And it doesn't have to continue along these same lines.

[366] You know, what we really need is healthy food.

[367] What we don't need is a bunch of.

[368] fucking crazy shit where companies come along and genetically modify crops and then they take those crops and then they sell them to people with no evidence whatsoever about the long -term implications of the exposure to some of these chemicals.

[369] Yeah.

[370] And what is this going to do to the environment?

[371] You're playing with God, man. You're doing really crazy shit when you start altering life and then entering that.

[372] I mean, this isn't as simple as, you know, packaging a new kind of soap.

[373] Yeah, you're doing you're doing something pretty fucking crazy.

[374] Yeah, that people are going to, it's going to be in their system.

[375] There's not that much, yeah, there's not that much evidence.

[376] Like, it's like, or not that much for history of genetically modified foods.

[377] I mean, we need like 10, 20, 30 years to really analyze what the fuck it does the environment of people and what's the chain reaction, you know?

[378] What does the wings of the butterfly do from the modified food to, you know, how does it affect the ecosystem that all of a sudden it takes over?

[379] Yeah.

[380] You know, it's weird, man. It's weird when you start fucking with life.

[381] you know I talked to his dude he was talking about I was just listening to the Opie and Anthony show and what's his face was on Nicholas Cage and he was talking about the black rhino going extinct this year and I was telling us to do this and it was like well we could just bring it back you know if we would just fucking bring back the black rhino oh you mean like can't they do that yeah can't they do that I mean they're talking about doing that right now with Willie mammus yeah but then it becomes the question of okay do we need rhinos though?

[382] No, you really need violence at the point?

[383] Woolly mammoths just to have a couple like at zoos I think would be awesome.

[384] Did you see there's a video in Siberia of a bear walking across a stream with a fish in his mouth and it's really blurry and so people are like it's a woolly mammoth in Siberia.

[385] And then other people are going or a bear with a fish in his mouth.

[386] How come the woolly mammoth has a blue nose?

[387] Right.

[388] Stupid fucks.

[389] Like maybe there's a woolly mammoth.

[390] There's a whole industry devoted to falsely seeing stuff.

[391] You know, there's like, there's all, there's shows, like full hour programs.

[392] This is, we're going to talk about the shit that we saw.

[393] Yeah.

[394] It's just people telling you, I saw some shit.

[395] And you're like, that's fucking bullshit, man. You didn't see anything.

[396] You know what I really learned that when I did that game show in my head show, I did this show for CBS.

[397] And what the show was, it was a game show with hidden cameras.

[398] And, um, the way it worked was we would, I was the host and I would have a dude with a little earpiece and I would send them out to a place.

[399] And the cameras were already in.

[400] place, hidden cameras were in place.

[401] I go, all right, dude, you're ready?

[402] He goes, yeah, I go, here's the deal.

[403] You're a reporter, and you are there for the biggest story of your life.

[404] There was a UFO over Hollywood, and all these people saw it, but by the time you got your camera there and got it set up, all the people went away.

[405] So what you've got to do is you got to find someone to get on camera with you and talk about their UFO experience.

[406] And you got to say, you got to get them to say that they were abducted and probed.

[407] And they were like, oh, and the guy's like, okay, okay, okay, all right, here we go.

[408] And it was immediate.

[409] It was immediate.

[410] It was like no one said no. He goes, listen, man, I'm a reporter for this and that.

[411] Here's a deal.

[412] There was just a UFO sighting.

[413] Do you think I could get you to come on camera and say that you saw it?

[414] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[415] And then people would just start talking.

[416] They were like, well, it was bright silver, and it was spinning over the, um, over the hemisphere and what happened was, and they would just give completely, like, Like, detailed accounts.

[417] Yeah.

[418] It's like at this point, people have been so poisoned by pop culture and by the idea of UFOs.

[419] Like, they can just recall.

[420] They just have this like, frozen, fake idea in their head from 100 movies.

[421] And they can just, oh, yeah, I remember what happened in that movie.

[422] I just read, yeah, oh, there was lights and lights were going around.

[423] They've seen it.

[424] They've seen it a hundred times.

[425] It was amazing.

[426] Yeah.

[427] They just lied.

[428] They just lied.

[429] Not only did they lie, they lied, and were willing to sign a waiver.

[430] saying that they lied and that we were going to show it on TV.

[431] It was nuts.

[432] People love.

[433] They lied about stories because they love to be the one to report.

[434] Everybody, there's a fascination with like, you want to know what happened?

[435] Yeah.

[436] And you get to report.

[437] And then because everybody focuses on you and they're like, what happened?

[438] And so if you're willing to give them like the goods, people are willing to listen.

[439] And you get like, you know, you get a charge out of being the one that told everybody.

[440] Yeah.

[441] They love it.

[442] It's amazing that they're willing to just make it up.

[443] just for that for that feeling i think people there's a lot of people that live lives of such shit yeah their lives suck so bad yeah that they almost believe what they're saying when they tell you some story about seeing bigfoot sure you know yeah it was probably a bear and it was 20 years ago and they were scared and it was dusk and they were like he made eye contact with me i'll tell you this right now yeah to the day i die yeah i swear on my the eyes of my children yeah that was a Sasquatch.

[444] And they fucking believe it, man. By the time 20 years have passed.

[445] Yeah, they've added all kinds of shit, man. That memory ain't even real anyway.

[446] I told them.

[447] I told them.

[448] Your memories that you have from, like, anything more than, like, five years ago, what is that, really?

[449] Do you really, I mean, might remember some, like, really intense shit.

[450] Yeah.

[451] Barely.

[452] But barely, yeah.

[453] But barely.

[454] I mean, you could recall data and information, but how much of that memory can you really pull out?

[455] I remember making up a story as a kid.

[456] I remember making up a story as a kid.

[457] spinning it to people until the point where it would like I would just tell people in detail for like years from like fifth grade on to like like and then one day I was like I'm fuck I've made this shit up like I just completely made this up I told the story to people about like because we lived in Minneapolis they're like how cold is it in Minneapolis and I was like December 24th of 1989 it was 74 below zero I'm like yeah and I was like it was so cold my teachers ears froze and they fell off and they were like shut up I was like, she stayed at a bus stop, we're outside of Sacred Heart, bus came up, she didn't have a hat on, we'd never, it was like the coldest thing ever, and she went to touch her left ear, and it fell off.

[458] It was frozen, and then when she went to grab her right, it fell off in her hand, and her ears fell off.

[459] I saw it, and she was like, get the fuck out of here.

[460] I'm like, yeah, that's what happened, it's real.

[461] And then, like, one day I was just like, tell us somebody, and they're like, yeah, I think I made this shit up.

[462] Like, you forgot what you got, you made it up?

[463] But I made it up.

[464] I made it up for that feeling.

[465] But, like, when you first discovered the feeling, when you're 10 years old and you tell someone some wild shit and they go, what?

[466] You're like, oh, that feels kind of good.

[467] And so, like, it was like a 10 -year -old version of that that I told when I was 10, 11, 12.

[468] And then finally, when I'm like 14, 15, I was like, I don't think I saw this actually.

[469] I think I was 10 years old.

[470] And I told you that my teacher's ears fell off.

[471] Do you think that's what happened with OJ?

[472] that oh that his story is just became almost like indiscernible like maybe this is real i don't know what i don't know man do you think that is such a crazy reality that we had that we had that figure in our lifetime that is a spectacular climb and fall there's almost that's almost unparalleled when you really think about to be a heisman trophy winning like um but like top top tier world class athlete and celebrity that parlayed into this awesome TV movie career commercials I mean he was like dude that is that's it like that's it like that's basically that's the top of the mountain when it comes to an athlete's career yeah athlete transitioning into celebrity that's their that's a model to follow like how to do it and then for that to be the guy fucking just butchered people isn't it crazy cut them up over some pussy And then I wanted to steal back his shit.

[473] My shit, man. Let it go, son.

[474] It's just a little bit of pussy.

[475] And now he's locked up for another.

[476] Like, he beat the craziest, like, the crime that we all know that's so crazy.

[477] He beat that charge and went back for some dumb shit.

[478] Some dumb, beyond dumb shit.

[479] Memorabilia, taking his memorabilia back with a gun.

[480] The palestation.

[481] Was that what it was?

[482] The palestation?

[483] Palisation, man. Zufo.

[484] People owned the UFC.

[485] Oh, really?

[486] That was my first Las Vegas.

[487] really you played the palestation wow that's locals right those are local's casinos yeah that's um locals and people from out of town that don't know any better yeah that's the place too where like you uh or people actually that like to gamble like to go to those places they just like to gamble because they have better odds yeah that's true yeah because if you go to like the bellagio or it's one of the big casinos mGM grand or something like that they kind of i think you know they're probably better at getting your money yeah that's just mostly bullshit it seems like it's just oh we're here let's Go spend some money.

[488] That shit's real quick, man. It's weird.

[489] It's weird.

[490] I've seen people lose hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[491] Really?

[492] Oh, yeah.

[493] I've been coming to Vegas.

[494] I've been going to Vegas doing UFC's since 2001, 2002.

[495] That's when I started going to watch.

[496] 2001 I started going right after 9 -11.

[497] I saw Tito Ortiz take on Vladimir Matt Yushenko.

[498] It was right after September 11th.

[499] You called that?

[500] No, no, no. I was in the audience.

[501] Really?

[502] Watching, yeah.

[503] I didn't work for them back then.

[504] I was just a fan.

[505] And so from then, you know, to 2012, I've seen some people throw some crazy money away.

[506] It's just a weird place when you have one area where all the rules are different.

[507] Yeah.

[508] One area.

[509] Just one area.

[510] One area we could fucking drink whenever you want.

[511] One spot.

[512] We got this spot and you can just fucking six o 'clock in the morning you can never drink.

[513] You don't ever have to leave your hotel, dude.

[514] We got a giant hotel where you can wander around.

[515] We have world -class food here.

[516] And everywhere you can gamble.

[517] If they had a strip club in the major hotels, it would really be the perfect place.

[518] A strip club and a pool hall.

[519] You never have to go anywhere.

[520] The strip club would be, that would be like $100 million a year, like revenue -generator.

[521] They probably would.

[522] They put it, but, you know, it would be too much, too much, too dark.

[523] Too decadent.

[524] Make people leave, you know, make people go somewhere.

[525] But there's places they have in Vegas that are like the biggest trip clubs in the world.

[526] Did you know?

[527] They're enormous.

[528] That, like, you know, Macau, China?

[529] Do you know what I'm talking about?

[530] It's a place in China?

[531] Yeah.

[532] That's their Vegas.

[533] That's their gambling.

[534] That place, the China use place, does something like three or four times the money that Vegas does.

[535] Like it blows it away.

[536] Is it because of volume or because they gamble more?

[537] I would think it's a combination of two.

[538] Chinese gamble hard, dude.

[539] I didn't know.

[540] They build those places in Vegas.

[541] A lot of them build it to the standards for the Chinese.

[542] For the Asian.

[543] For Feng Shui, yeah.

[544] And the numbers of the floors are important and the way it's set up as important.

[545] And there's things that aren't lucky.

[546] They make sure that they do it in accordance with what Chinese people think is lucky.

[547] MGM.

[548] MGM used to be, you remember what the entrance of the MGM was when it opened?

[549] What was it?

[550] The main entrance was a lion's mouth.

[551] You were walking into it.

[552] Oh, yeah.

[553] Oh, and it's bad luck for them.

[554] And the Asians were like, no thanks.

[555] And they're like, hold on a second.

[556] We're going to take that shit down right now.

[557] They got like to anything.

[558] That's right.

[559] That's right.

[560] They don't want to walk through a lion's mouth.

[561] Yeah, well, that's because in their country You can get eaten by a fucking tiger Right You know?

[562] They just took that lion out of the MGM Oh, the lion that was living in there Yeah, I always thought that was the most depressing thing It's terrifying And they attacked a trainer there once Oh really?

[563] Yeah, yeah, there's this video of it Lion attacks trainer at MGM Yeah, it's pretty fucked up Pull that shit up, see if I'm gonna find it Yeah, I think my favorite is the shark tank At Mandalay Bay That's the most badass attraction That's a dope -ass aquarium set up They have a huge tank filled with sharks And they have these cool ass jellyfish And the jellyfish are all like Under these psychedelic neon lights And they're floating around That's a badass fish tank man This is a crazy video Dude it's a bizarre video The MGM The guys are in the tank Put your hand down so I can see The MGM guys are in the tank With giant male lions man And for whatever reason The lion's is just like bitch Here he gets up I don't know what happened He just finds the guy weak.

[564] I bet they're just annoyed, man. They're trapped in this fucking box with these little pink bitches that think that they could survive.

[565] Like, why do you think you could stand next to a lion?

[566] I don't care if you raise that thing with a bottle.

[567] Look at the size of that.

[568] Look at he just decides to jack the dude.

[569] Like, look at that man. Just decides to fuck that dude up for no reason.

[570] Then the female jumps in.

[571] And even if they're playing, even if he's playing, it's like, whatever, man. Look at him.

[572] He just goes after that guy for no reason.

[573] And that guy's like, oh shit.

[574] And the other guy for whatever reason.

[575] reason he's listening to the other guy so the other guy gets in between the two of them and the lion chases him the guy almost gets jacked wow how scary must that have been and people took that shit with their cell phones i know look at the size of his fucking head and all that crazy hair around him what a nutty animal man that's crazy i did not hear about this yeah well nobody died but it was a freak moment and you know they have that hair around their neck just so that other lions can't kill them oh really that's for yeah i thought it was interesting that the great girl line kind of like was like hey stop what you're biting a human like did you notice that she kind of jumped on them and like she might have been like can i bite him too if shit got crazy if some blood came out she might have fucked them up too because they're the hunters yeah the females are the hunters have you been following this whole thing with the judge napitano that got fired at fox business uh fascinating that's crazy and the the whole is i didn't know anything about the israeli connection that some people believe pull that thing up pull that video up Okay.

[576] So we can listen to it because it's not long.

[577] Right.

[578] And it's shocking.

[579] Judge Napolitano, he had a show on Fox business where he would really be like super honest about stuff and, you know, really have an astute breakdown of how our political system really functions.

[580] And how are the American public's been lied to from the beginning.

[581] And the way he did it is by posing a bunch of questions.

[582] What if this?

[583] What if that?

[584] What if?

[585] And the way he does it, man, it's.

[586] That's actually a different video that I was talking.

[587] Listen to this.

[588] No, that's a different video of what you're talking about.

[589] I'll find that.

[590] This was the video that got him fired.

[591] Fired?

[592] Yeah.

[593] He got fired the other day for this broadcast.

[594] Well, no. The other video was on that as well.

[595] I see the one that you just pulled up, but the other video was being touted as something that got him fired as well.

[596] Apparently, they were going to fire him no matter what.

[597] And this was his go -out.

[598] Right.

[599] But listen to what he says.

[600] The process that validates an establishment that never meaningfully changes.

[601] What if that establishment doesn't want and doesn't have the consent of the governed?

[602] What if the two -party system was actually a mechanism used to limit so -called public opinion?

[603] What if there were more than two sides to every issue, but the two parties wanted to box you into a corner, one of their corners?

[604] What if there's no such thing as public opinion?

[605] Because every thinking person has opinions that are uniquely his own?

[606] What if what we call public opinion was just a manufactured narrative that makes it easier to, to convince people that if their views are different, then there's something wrong with that, or there's something wrong with them?

[607] What if the whole purpose of the Democratic and Republican parties was not to expand voters' choices, but to limit them?

[608] What if the widely perceived differences between the two parties was just an illusion?

[609] What if the heart of the government policy remains the same, no matter who's in the White House?

[610] What if the heart of government policy remains the same, no matter what the people want?

[611] What if those vaunted differences between Democrat and Republican were actually just minor disagreements.

[612] What if both parties just want power and are willing to have young people fight meaningless wars in order to enhance that power?

[613] What if both parties continue to fight the war on drugs just to give bureaucrats and cops bigger budgets and more jobs?

[614] What if government policies didn't change when government leaders did?

[615] What if no matter who won an election, government stayed the same?

[616] What if government was really a revolution, evolving door for political hacks bent on exploiting the people once they're in charge.

[617] What if both parties supported welfare, war, debt, bailouts, and big government?

[618] What if the rhetoric that candidates displayed on the campaign trail was jumped after electoral victory?

[619] What if Barack Obama campaigned as an anti -war pro -civil liberties candidate and then waged senseless wars while assaulting your rights that the Constitution is supposed to protect?

[620] What if George W. Bush campaigned on a platform of non -intervention and small government, and then waged a foreign policy of muscular military intervention and a domestic policy of vast government borrowing and growth.

[621] What if Bill Clinton declared that the era of big government was over, but actually just convinced Republicans like Newt Gingrich that they can get what they want out of big government too?

[622] What if the Republicans went along with it?

[623] What if Ronald Reagan spent six years running for president promising to shrink the government?

[624] But then the government grew while he was in the White House.

[625] What if, notwithstanding Reagan's ideas and cheerfulness and libertarian rhetoric, there really was no Reagan revolution at all?

[626] What if all this is happening again?

[627] What if Rick Santorum is being embraced by voters who want small government?

[628] Even though Senator Santorum voted for the Patriot Act, for an expansion of Medicare, and for raising the debt ceiling by trillions of dollars?

[629] What if Mitt Romney is being embraced by voters who want anyone but Barack Obama, but they don't realize that Mitt Romney might as well be Barack Obama on everything from warfare to welfare.

[630] What if Ron Paul is being ignored by the media, not because, as it claims, he's unappealing or unelectable, but because he doesn't fit into the pre -manufactured public opinion mold used by the establishment to pigeonhole the electorate and create the so -called narrative that drives media coverage of elections?

[631] What if the biggest difference between most candidates was not substance, but style?

[632] What if those stylistic differences were packaged as substantive ones to reinforce the illusion of a difference between Democrats and Republicans?

[633] What if Mitt Romney wins and ends up continuing most of the same policies that Barack Obama promoted?

[634] What if Barack Obama's policies, too, are merely extensions of those from George W. Bush?

[635] What if a government that manipulated us could be fired?

[636] What if a government that lacked the true and knowing consent of the governed could be dismissed?

[637] Now he's getting crazy.

[638] What if it were possible to have a real game changer?

[639] What if we need a Ron Paul to preserve and protect our freedoms from the government?

[640] That's what he got fired for?

[641] What if we can make elections matter again?

[642] What if we could do something about this?

[643] From New York defending freedom every night of the week.

[644] it's so depressing that we're really in a situation where this is the situation we're really stuck here we're really this is where we're at 2012 is that the final broadcasts absolutely right I don't know if that was his final broadcast but it was a very powerful one and what's it is yeah that is powerful stuff the other one that he talks about he makes connections on 911 with Israeli like how it's like kind of it's really weird to actually watch it what was there a reason what did they announce was the reason for firing him oh I don't know man I don't think think they did.

[645] I think, you know, look, people get fired for all sorts of different things all the time.

[646] I'm not necessarily sure that he got fired because of that.

[647] Right.

[648] You know, but that's definitely something he went pretty fucking.

[649] And was this guy getting popular on a limb?

[650] Was this a show popular?

[651] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[652] It's popular.

[653] It should be even more popular now.

[654] The things that he said, they're going to, they're going to take off on the internet.

[655] You know, that video is going to take off on the internet.

[656] It already is, right?

[657] What's the hits on it right now?

[658] $44 ,000.

[659] Yeah.

[660] And by the way, there's a gang of those.

[661] It's not.

[662] not just that one.

[663] There's a gang of those out there that's not just one person put it up on YouTube.

[664] Yeah, it's fucking powerful shit, man. He's absolutely right, too.

[665] I mean, how do you fire the government, though?

[666] That's the, yeah.

[667] Something's going to happen, though.

[668] Something's happening, you know, and I think the government's recognizing it as well, you know, this is going to be an adjustment.

[669] There's going to be something.

[670] There has to be.

[671] Because otherwise, it's a dictatorship.

[672] You know, at a certain point in time when you're really not doing the will of the people at all and you really are suppressing the people and you really are, taking away liberties, you're really trying to turn us into a fucking crazy dictatorship.

[673] It's really not much different than that.

[674] I don't know how anybody views this shit without being cynical after you...

[675] After Obama.

[676] Well, just after you turn a certain age.

[677] Like, I feel like it all...

[678] I really do feel like it all doesn't matter.

[679] Like, whoever you vote for, that nothing is really going to be different.

[680] You know, what has it ever really...

[681] Like, you know, you start hearing that when the speeches start coming about, we're time to change Hollywood.

[682] I'm not...

[683] I'm a Washington outsider and I'm about to go there we're going to change shit up now that's the always the one where you're like that's not going to happen then yeah after a certain age you realize it's not going to happen well you've realized they're not telling the truth yeah if Obama wanted to say some really radical things he could have already said and you know Chris Rock really did this really fascinating interview recently we said that he thinks that Obama's going to wait until he's second term and then he's going to do some crazy shit I'm like god you know that sounds like you're wishful thinking you know that sounds to me like what you paid attention to what he has done almost irreversible That National Defense Authorization Act that treats the United States like a battlefield and allows indefinite suspension or detention of American civilians with no warrant, that's insanity.

[684] You don't need that.

[685] We're not falling apart.

[686] We don't have violence in the streets every day.

[687] We're not in the middle of an Arab Spring situation.

[688] We don't have nuclear bombs dropping on our city.

[689] What the fuck are you doing, instigating, or pushing forward those kinds of laws and legislation?

[690] The number one thing that we're supposed to be about is the pursuit of liberty.

[691] It's supposed to be liberty and justice for all.

[692] That's how it ends, right?

[693] With liberty and justice for all.

[694] That's what we want.

[695] And you're taking away liberty.

[696] For what?

[697] For what?

[698] Is you giving us extra justice?

[699] Is that way?

[700] No. It's bullshit is what it is.

[701] It's 100 % bullshit.

[702] It's not representative of the people.

[703] It's sad and it's got to change.

[704] How is it change?

[705] I don't know.

[706] It scares a shit out of everybody, right?

[707] Absolutely, yeah.

[708] That judge is on Twitter under Judge Knapp, NAP.

[709] Oh, really?

[710] Maybe get him on a upcoming podcast.

[711] Do you think so?

[712] Maybe.

[713] He'd even talk to us?

[714] Sure.

[715] He'd probably lock us in jail.

[716] I don't know about that.

[717] His hair.

[718] He uses a good pomade.

[719] What's his full name?

[720] What's his name?

[721] Judge Napolitano.

[722] Yeah.

[723] I call him Napitano because he has a napetan.

[724] I'm following him now.

[725] He's only got 55 ,000 followers.

[726] Freedom Watch.

[727] Yeah.

[728] Yeah.

[729] He'd cancel that shit.

[730] Him and Alex Jones.

[731] We need to get Alex Jones on this podcast also sometime.

[732] Yeah, Alex is going to do it.

[733] He'll do it when he's in L .A. again.

[734] And Alex is fucking crazy.

[735] If you have Alex on our podcast, you'll get a view as to what's up.

[736] He's right about a lot of shit, man. I mean, he's a soldier.

[737] He's out there fucking beating the bushes.

[738] See, he's a daily thing, right?

[739] Do you have a daily show?

[740] Yeah.

[741] There's a whole studio.

[742] Yeah.

[743] Oh, yeah.

[744] The studio is pretty fucking impressive.

[745] This show's huge.

[746] It's enormous.

[747] There's a lot of people who listen to it.

[748] Yeah.

[749] You know, it's all doom and gloom, though, man. Yeah, I've seen clips of them.

[750] Doom and gloom.

[751] The best show we ever had was the time when Joey Diaz took over.

[752] Oh, I remember that.

[753] I remember that day.

[754] Boom.

[755] We've talked about it too many times.

[756] on the podcast to rehash it, but it was the most glorious things I've ever seen.

[757] Have you ever been the type of person that when you drive around, you see like a hot chick, like you'll wink at them or like give them kissy faces or anything?

[758] No. Lately I've been doing it more.

[759] Just because I realize that, because I realize you pretty much can do that and you'll never see that person ever again.

[760] They'll never know who you are.

[761] But you're putting out a creeper feel.

[762] No, but I don't do it creepy ones.

[763] I'd just be like making like silly faces at them or.

[764] Oh, God, that's even worse.

[765] They don't even know you and you're making silly faces?

[766] It's just funny seeing people's reactions.

[767] I love it.

[768] There's a lot of fear that you're generating.

[769] Yeah, you're putting out some bad hood you out there, bro.

[770] It's mostly laugh or laughter.

[771] Mostly laughter.

[772] They'll laugh?

[773] Yeah, yeah.

[774] Oh, that's good.

[775] Yeah, it's just like they look over and like, what the fuck's going on over here?

[776] Right.

[777] You know, they're scared the shit out of them.

[778] Yeah.

[779] Yeah, probably.

[780] So you just decided to be a creep at this age?

[781] Yeah, I don't know why I started.

[782] I think it's because it's, I saw somebody do it to somebody else once, and I was like, that's hilarious that person just made that person like laugh and then drove off and never to see that person again so have you ever been around the one guy who can't not hit on a chick you know that guy who you're you're hanging out with them and you you can't even hang out with them because they'll just abandon you for a chick yeah yeah I remember when I was in an apartment in Hollywood when I was like 21 22 and had some friends come out and it was one of the guys was that guy who just can't stop so when I went to bed I had my bedroom we had like three friends in the living room and one girl who we all we had all gone to school together and i was like i offered her i was like you can sleep my bed like not in a creep way but like you but like i'll fuck you like i'm gonna try but i'm not gonna make it like so anyways she was like now i'm good um i'll sleep out here and i was like all right like you know right fine and then like five minutes later i got like a like a knock on the door and i was like what's up and she's there and she was like yeah he just tried to lick my neck when i was when i went to sleep I was like, do you want to sleep in here now?

[783] She was like, yeah.

[784] I was like, okay, that's cool.

[785] And I wasn't a creep, though.

[786] You didn't try to fuck her?

[787] Did you try to spoon her at all?

[788] I think so.

[789] Ooh, spoon that's nice.

[790] I think I got the, like, you got a swat?

[791] I think so.

[792] She swad you, like, get off me?

[793] It definitely didn't happen.

[794] Wow, she came for comfort and then you just, you know, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't cuddle with you at all?

[795] No, I think it was very much like, because she had, when somebody just is leaving, she was just leaving, like, that shit was really uncomfortable.

[796] I wasn't going to be like, well, that may extend that feeling for you.

[797] Right.

[798] No. But you try to settle into a new level of comfort and then creep slowly.

[799] Honestly, I could tell you this, man. There's a lot of times when I was single that I didn't pursue that stuff because I was too tired.

[800] Because you're too tired?

[801] I would just go to sleep.

[802] Why is that?

[803] Why are you so tired?

[804] No, I mean, like when it was late at night, like I was the, I was.

[805] And there's a hot chick.

[806] I would be like, yeah, I'm going to go sleep.

[807] Whoa.

[808] That's weird.

[809] Yeah.

[810] But I mean, not like.

[811] Thyroid checked out?

[812] No, but I'm saying that alcohol, alcohol.

[813] Oh, alcohol.

[814] Yeah, it was a bit too.

[815] alcohol not sober yeah there's nothing sadder than having whiskey dick Friday Saturday night maybe I'd be like I'd be a totally potential like college thing yeah I'd be like I think I'm gonna go to sleep right now that sounds like the best thing I was just gonna lay down yeah I just got my thyroid checked this got a physical using the same yeah Tommy yeah and I it's so funny you yeah that because he's the fucking best doctor's the doctor's awesome oh I thought you were hearing about Brian getting a physical no no no yeah I love medical shit.

[816] Did he check your asshole out?

[817] Because he didn't skip my asshole.

[818] I was like, I mean, I cleaned it for hours, you know?

[819] For hours.

[820] Is it a toothbrush?

[821] Huh?

[822] No, I did one of the things that scratch your asshole and sometimes it's like a maxi pad.

[823] No, those lupas.

[824] A lufus sponge?

[825] Really?

[826] You lufed it?

[827] Lufed it.

[828] I lufed my asshole.

[829] I scratched it all up.

[830] The inside.

[831] That's the important point.

[832] No, no, no. I didn't do anything.

[833] But I did test when I was in the shower, I was testing like, all right, this is what it's kind of going to be like, Oh, you put a finger up there in your asshole?

[834] Like, I just wanted to, like, all right.

[835] So what are they looking for bumps?

[836] Well, they didn't do it.

[837] He didn't do it.

[838] No. They're reaching and they look at, yeah, I think of cancer.

[839] Yeah, see, I was most concerned about my asshole, too.

[840] So I'm really kind of upset that he didn't.

[841] Why were you most concerned about it?

[842] Because I think I'm, I think that's where the most death would be from, you know, would be from asshole.

[843] You would be from asshole stuff?

[844] You would be, but you would get it.

[845] But you smoke cigarettes.

[846] You wouldn't you worry about your ass.

[847] I have weird ass issues.

[848] Like, you know, we thought.

[849] about that but he did feel my balls up which was weird like having a guy and he's just like rolling him in his hand he goes yep that's fine did you think that maybe if he jerked you off you could come no no no it's i my dick is so small yeah it gets checked it was when i get the ball checked but i almost want to point it out like i almost want to be like every time i get like a physical it's and they're like i want to be like you just you should see it some other time yeah yeah it's a little better than that when he checked my cock he did like the thing where he had to like pull it out kind of like one of those old hippie guitar street you know where you hold the thing they like pulled it out and looked at it and then he checked all and then took all these blood tests but he's testing me for everything and then he's like so when you want to do all STDs I'm like yeah might as well I'm dating a porn star and he goes oh you are he goes all right we can do that Brian just offers it up even to talk to well you know how it is when you're dating a porn well he said is he's like well you should be fine because they get tested every 20 days and I'm like yep that's exactly a bit in my act And he's like, oh, you moot you off her test.

[850] And I'm like, yep, exactly.

[851] He's a funny doctor.

[852] This guy's really good.

[853] And he said, tell Tom, you know, start sending some hot chicks.

[854] And I said, and I said something really, like in the - It's not say his name on the air, so that might be a bit unethical.

[855] No, and then, but when we're in the waiting room where I just, you know, paid and everything of that, and I'm about to walk out and he goes, well, it's good seeing you, tell Tom and I said hi.

[856] And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry, I'm not hot for you, or something like that.

[857] And it came out like when it was like, everyone in the room's like, what the fuck?

[858] And then I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not pretty enough.

[859] Never mind.

[860] God, get out of it.

[861] Awkward breath.

[862] An old Brian at the doctors.

[863] That's hilarious.

[864] Everybody in that room probably had no idea what was going on.

[865] So what did he say about your lungs and cigarettes and stuff like that?

[866] He said everything was perfect.

[867] That was good.

[868] Now they're doing the blood test.

[869] I would like to second that evaluation.

[870] What do they check when they check your lungs?

[871] They make you, for cancer and that's it?

[872] They just like make you do huge deep breaths while they like test, they listen like all up and down your chest and your back.

[873] Oh.

[874] How long does it take free to die from cigarettes?

[875] I don't know, man. It really matters if you, I think, if you have cancer in your family and I don't have cancer in it.

[876] Some people, like, genetically just don't get it?

[877] I think so, man. I mean, there's definitely people.

[878] There's always stories, right?

[879] Oh, I know a friend's grandparents who lived into their 90s and smoke and drank and ate red meat.

[880] And they just died.

[881] They didn't die of cancer and they died at old age.

[882] Well, they had a good time.

[883] That's why they were smiling.

[884] Yep.

[885] You're loving it, man. Drinking every day.

[886] There was some thing that I read once, I don't know if it's documented, but that 100 % of all people that live to be over 100 eat red.

[887] red meat.

[888] Yeah.

[889] There's never been a documented case of a vegetarian lives to be over 100.

[890] There could be total horseshit.

[891] Don't you fucking crazy vegans.

[892] Don't you text me about this.

[893] Don't you tweet me. Begans are their quickest to the fucking, the tweet.

[894] Yeah.

[895] The angry tweet.

[896] The angry dietary tweet.

[897] Yeah.

[898] They are.

[899] And the quickest the diarrhea too.

[900] It's the quickest the diarrhea?

[901] I think so.

[902] A lot of fiber involved.

[903] Yeah, yeah.

[904] You're going to be really shitting with that vegan diet.

[905] I love a fucking a good vegan meal, though.

[906] I love vegetable meals.

[907] I drink that kale shake every day.

[908] That's fantastic for you.

[909] I have a kale salad a few times a week from a place nearby.

[910] It's hard to get grass -fed meat these days, man. Apparently, all of it's getting consumed up in Northern California.

[911] All the hippies up there love it.

[912] Really?

[913] Yeah.

[914] The all -natural grass meat, yeah.

[915] It's way better for you.

[916] You just go to Whole Foods and they don't have it?

[917] No, they're out of it a lot.

[918] Really?

[919] Yeah.

[920] Because up north, look, there's only a certain amount of people that are growing grass -fed meat, and it's become super popular lately.

[921] So all these, you know, it's more popular in Berkeley and San Francisco, I'm sure, than down here in Retardville.

[922] So they can sell all of their cows up there.

[923] Why ship them all the way down to Los Angeles?

[924] Yeah.

[925] So they're having an issue.

[926] Like last Tuesday, though, the whole foods near me didn't even get a ship in a grass -fed meat.

[927] Wow.

[928] Yeah, I have to go there on Tuesday to get the meat.

[929] It's crazy.

[930] That's the only time they have it.

[931] Like, fuck yeah.

[932] 100%.

[933] It's a totally different meat.

[934] It's a totally different animal.

[935] because the cow that is raised on corn, they're fat fuchs.

[936] They're marbled and it's really delicious.

[937] You know, it's really, really fucking yummy because all that fat gets all, like a rib eye from a corn raised cow is great because it's so juicy, but it's not quite as healthy for you.

[938] And it doesn't taste the same.

[939] When you get a grass -fed rib eye, there's much less marbling, and you've got to cook it quicker because it'll dry out.

[940] There's much less fat in it.

[941] So you sort of sear it.

[942] a better piece I need, though.

[943] God damn, it's good, though.

[944] It's totally different.

[945] It's almost like a gamey animal.

[946] Not game -y?

[947] Yeah.

[948] It's, you know, it tastes...

[949] Like Buffalo almost or something?

[950] Almost.

[951] Yeah.

[952] It tastes like you're eating a healthy animal.

[953] Yeah.

[954] You know?

[955] Yeah, there's some stakes I've had where I'm like, oh, man, like you can feel your body kind of slowing down.

[956] Yeah.

[957] Like, oh, that was not good.

[958] Grass -fed beef, though, is supposed to be way healthier for you, too.

[959] It's something about the actual animal being healthy that, like, A lot of guys, I know a lot of fighters have switched to grass -fed meat recently.

[960] My buddy, Einstein, who listens to this all the time, was one of Eddie's black belts, said his performance really started increasing when he upped his greens and unchanged to all grass -fed meat.

[961] Really?

[962] It's a big difference.

[963] Yeah.

[964] Yeah, it's just healthier.

[965] You know, it just makes sense that your body would respond better if you're eating healthier animals.

[966] Yeah.

[967] It does make sense.

[968] We're fucking up, man. Yeah.

[969] Fucking up.

[970] You eat your veggies and fruits?

[971] Fucking up.

[972] It's good.

[973] Damn Monsanto fruits and vegetables.

[974] It's crazy, man. Fat fuck cows and our farm -grown fish because all the fish in the ocean are dead.

[975] Yeah, man. You know, they said that the next hundred years is going to be the last wild fish in the world.

[976] Within the next hundred years, there will be no more wild fish in the oceans.

[977] What?

[978] Yep.

[979] We'll have outfish the entire ocean.

[980] Because a bologna company also say that.

[981] No, they think about it from an exponential growth point of view that there'll be more people in 100 years.

[982] you know i mean think about a hundred years ago there was only like a billion people on the planet now now they're seven billion right it's crazy what's it going to be a hundred years from now is it going to be 30 billion where are they going to get all their protein from a lot of it's going to be fish it's easy to catch and they're going to just troll everything they're going to suck all that fucking fish out of there they're going to eat whales they're going to do everything they can eat they're going to everything that humans can consume and then a hundred years from now we're going to have to figure it out you know just be an empty ocean that would be crazy that would be crazy.

[983] Could you imagine if we actually kill everything in the ocean within a thousand years?

[984] That'd be amazing.

[985] If people live to be a thousand years, why is that outside the Roman possibility?

[986] Yeah.

[987] There was something I tweeted earlier today about the garbage patch that some lady went to the garbage patch.

[988] It's in the middle of Pacific Ocean.

[989] For folks who don't know, bigger than Texas.

[990] There's a giant hunk of garbage.

[991] It's all plastic that's kind of caught together in like this one swarm.

[992] It's like caught up, I guess in the way the tides go.

[993] There's one area where it's collected, where it's enormous.

[994] It's bigger than the state of Texas, which takes more than a day to drive through.

[995] So that's how much garbage is out there.

[996] And it's just getting bigger.

[997] And it's going to keep getting bigger.

[998] Forever.

[999] Is that a homeless person's heaven?

[1000] You think they all talk about it, as if it's like Disney Road?

[1001] There you go.

[1002] Magic going there.

[1003] You never all got a basic.

[1004] I think the plastic breaks down, though.

[1005] I think that's part of the issue is that the salt water breaks it down to like jelly, like little particles.

[1006] And it's really fucked.

[1007] It's not like just like stuff floating that you get scoombed.

[1008] up it becomes like almost liquid yeah it's fucked up man it's like we're so creepy you know think about what we do we kill all the rhinos we fuck the ocean over we eat all the fish we throw our garbage in it you're drive by um trash what they call it trash plants you know talking oh yeah sure landfills landfills yeah and you see how like they're like you know they're a higher altitude than like the street level you're like that's just gonna keep growing like one day that's going to be like a building of garbage you know it's like mountains like hills stanhope and i filmed the uh the finale of the man show in a garbage dump really yeah because the girls were trying to con us into taking them to an island there was two of the girls that were in the old man show and we didn't get along with them so well and they were like adam and jimmy used to take us to the Bahamas we should do that you should take us to the Bahamas we'll film the final scene there and then we thought about it and Doug and I were like we should do it at a garbage and I was like we think about it man I wanted to do it a garbage dump in New Jersey.

[1009] I wanted to do it like the stinkiest, grossest dump.

[1010] I said, you know, if you're at home and you're watching us, these two assholes hang out with girls who never fuck you on, you know, in a place where you can never afford to go to, you know, hanging out the, well, how's that fun for you?

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] I go, it would be much more fun for you to watch us in a dump.

[1013] Sure, it sounds so much funnier, too.

[1014] So we, yeah, that's what I felt like.

[1015] Yeah, they were so mad at us.

[1016] It was gross.

[1017] In their defense, it was really funny that they asked for it, though, first.

[1018] They were like, what's up with the Bahamas?

[1019] Yeah, they wanted to go.

[1020] garbage dump well you know it's I don't blame a man that culture of the hot chick culture of asking for things and they would like you know rub the writer's shoulders and you're gonna put us in a scene you know that kind of thing yeah that's gross shit though yeah well so that was the culture of it yeah it was a lot of grossness going on but sure none of it was as gross as that garbage dump we made up for all of it fucking foul it's so bad we were eating lunch and his fucking garbage dust floating in the air yeah it was on Catalina Catalina has a giant garbage.

[1021] Do they really?

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] Enormous.

[1024] That's kind of a trip that that whole...

[1025] It's a bummer, man. That whole society there.

[1026] I think a lot of our garbage goes out there.

[1027] That sucks.

[1028] Yeah.

[1029] It does suck.

[1030] Catalina, for folks who don't know is an island outside of the coast of Los Angeles.

[1031] 14 miles off the coast.

[1032] 14?

[1033] I've never gone.

[1034] Do you recommend it?

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] It's cool, man. There's no cars driving around, just golf carts and shit.

[1037] Yeah, it's weird.

[1038] It's big enough that you could actually live there, though.

[1039] You can go on a ferry or a helicopter.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] I took the helicopter.

[1042] Maybe that's where we should put our compound The next year, that helicopter company crashed.

[1043] Really?

[1044] Yeah.

[1045] Fuck helicopters.

[1046] And somebody died?

[1047] Yeah.

[1048] Jesus.

[1049] Fuck helicopters.

[1050] It wouldn't have been you though, right?

[1051] No, no. Not me, man. You can't stop me. No, but you can't hone me down.

[1052] Y 'all can't see me?

[1053] Not me, bro.

[1054] I'll tell you what, man. Fuck that helicopter.

[1055] I'll grab that fucking, the propeller of my hand, and I'll spin it myself.

[1056] Plus I got a heart.

[1057] I got a lot of heart.

[1058] You can't measure.

[1059] You can't fuck with my heart, bro.

[1060] It ain't a size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight and the dog.

[1061] That's there it is.

[1062] This dog can hunt.

[1063] Would you live on Catalina?

[1064] What if we've got a giant piece of land in Catalina and that's where we set up our compound?

[1065] I'd have to check it out first because I don't like not having best buys and things like that.

[1066] It's totally true.

[1067] We should seriously look into a good place where we can all move.

[1068] Just everybody.

[1069] Outside of L .A., but close enough, we'll just get a giant chunk of land, get a few hundred acres.

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] All of us build houses there.

[1072] Do you know how dope that would be if we could have our own like M -night Shama -Lama Ding -Dongs the village.

[1073] That'd be awesome.

[1074] Can we have a lake?

[1075] I like lakes.

[1076] How cool would it be for real if we all, we got everyone that we know that's cool and we decided we're all going to invest in some property and build houses there?

[1077] Yeah, and all your friends live in like in the neighborhood.

[1078] It'd be fucking awesome.

[1079] If you live down the street and Chrysler was there and you could hear.

[1080] Oh, do you like one of a machine shirt?

[1081] Yeah.

[1082] Eddie Bravo lived up the hill and Brian lived down the hill and Duncan lived over there and Ari lives over it.

[1083] That would be fucking awesome.

[1084] Yeah.

[1085] That's how fucking cults get started, though.

[1086] That's what happens.

[1087] Yeah, that would actually be the most fun.

[1088] We talk about Christina and I, because she also loves Bert's wife.

[1089] Really?

[1090] In what way?

[1091] In that way?

[1092] And you know what's up.

[1093] It's Valentine's Day.

[1094] By the way, I'm doing, I just realized I'm doing a fucking 420 show.

[1095] I'm doing a 420 show in Atlanta.

[1096] Where's that place I'm doing it, Brian?

[1097] Is it on my Twitter thing?

[1098] It just doesn't want to join your Twitter.

[1099] doesn't want to pull up on my laptop.

[1100] It looks weird, man, when I try to look at what I'm doing that 420.

[1101] Yeah, I'm doing some nice.

[1102] I'm doing someplace in Atlanta.

[1103] Some high times 420 though.

[1104] It's 420.

[1105] I've never done a 420 show on purpose.

[1106] It's called the Tabernacle.

[1107] Tabernacle, you fucking idiot.

[1108] Jesus Christ.

[1109] Jesus Christ.

[1110] It's called a tab.

[1111] Burnnacle.

[1112] Chal.

[1113] You're fucking silly goose.

[1114] You are a silly, like goose.

[1115] You might be the silliest goose of all gooses.

[1116] Tabernacle.

[1117] Yeah, but that's on 420.

[1118] I want to do my special there, but I don't know if I have enough time.

[1119] But it would be the place to do it because the, you know, Atlanta, fucking crowds are awesome.

[1120] All the way, one of the most underrated cities in the country.

[1121] For sure.

[1122] And they have a great comedy community.

[1123] They do.

[1124] The punchline Atlanta has a great community.

[1125] I love the Laughing Skull.

[1126] I haven't been.

[1127] I heard that's great, too.

[1128] I heard that's great too.

[1129] Laughing Skull is at the Vortex.

[1130] I think that's in Midtown and that is that's like it's seat 74 75 so it's like the ice house It's like the second stage Yeah Yeah dude and that is a great It's one of my favorite clubs to play Are we doing the ice house Friday?

[1131] Yeah by the way folks We try to do the ice house whenever I'm in town March is going to be the shit We're going to do a gang of them in March Because I'm home a lot in March So we're going to have a lot of fucking ice house shows We're going to do a lot of full weekends Friday and Saturdays whenever we can But Thomas Bonds will be involved in this.

[1132] Yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

[1133] Fuck you.

[1134] Next week, I'm actually recording my new album.

[1135] Oh, that's right.

[1136] And you're going to be doing it, the Comedy Works in Denver, which is one of the greatest clubs in the history of the fucking known universe.

[1137] There's two clubs.

[1138] I'm doing the South Club.

[1139] That's great also.

[1140] Yes.

[1141] That's awesome, too.

[1142] That's the, that's a bigger place.

[1143] They have a balcony.

[1144] Yeah, they do.

[1145] If you are in Denver.

[1146] I hit weed there, too.

[1147] When is it?

[1148] We hid weed somewhere in that place.

[1149] Oh, really?

[1150] Yes.

[1151] Look, guys.

[1152] We're going to find it next time we go.

[1153] Come to my show, look for the weed.

[1154] And where, um, uh, do, say the game, the dates again?

[1155] Yeah, you did.

[1156] Oh, wow.

[1157] It's not December, guys.

[1158] It is this month, which is February, right?

[1159] February.

[1160] And it's, it's the, it's a Friday the 24th and Saturday the 25th.

[1161] Okay, beautiful.

[1162] I'm recording a new album at the Comedy Works South.

[1163] I tweeted a link if you go to, Tom Segura, S -E -G -U -R -A.

[1164] Yeah, you got to go.

[1165] Come out.

[1166] It'll be fucking so much fun.

[1167] If you never seen Tommy, he's, he's, He's way funnier as a stand -up than he is talking on a podcast.

[1168] Don't be, don't be confused.

[1169] You go, well, he's kind of monotone.

[1170] He's kind of sexy.

[1171] I find his voice sexy.

[1172] Hey, you told me, oh, but, so anyway, folks, 24th, 25th, 26th as well?

[1173] Just 24th, 25th.

[1174] I mean, I'm there 23th to 25th, but the recording is the 24th and 25th.

[1175] Who's putting out your CD?

[1176] Well, that's actually one of the things I'm actually thinking of doing it myself.

[1177] Do it.

[1178] Do it.

[1179] Do it yourself.

[1180] We'll pump the shit out of it up here.

[1181] That's what I want to do.

[1182] Tommy's hilarious.

[1183] You know, Tom and I met a long time ago when I was.

[1184] was doing the Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron.

[1185] And what we do is we go to these different places and they would have like a local guy open up for us.

[1186] Everyone that opened up for us was really funny.

[1187] It was really good like local talent because it was the Maxim Bud Light comedy tour.

[1188] And they really did a good job of casting the local guys.

[1189] But when we did Phoenix, Tommy wasn't even local, just somehow or another, he got involved in this.

[1190] And he was one of those guys where he went up and I went, holy shit.

[1191] I go, this guy's fucking funny.

[1192] And it was dark and it was really well.

[1193] written and we became besties yeah we became besties ever since then that was fun and that's actually the thing i was telling you is that every time i've opened for you since then your crowds are always the shit so that's why i'm totally uh pleading to the jo rogan yeah come out come out it's always been you guys are always amazing audience well colorado's my my place everybody knows that i i fucking love colorado if i could convince my fucking crazy wife eventually i will be back in Colorado.

[1194] That place calls me. I'll be back.

[1195] That club, Wendy, is awesome.

[1196] She's my favorite club owner in the history of club owner.

[1197] She's the shit.

[1198] She is awesome.

[1199] She's, and she owns and runs both of them.

[1200] She's just a badass woman.

[1201] Cool as fuck.

[1202] Real fan of comedy.

[1203] A real friend of comedy.

[1204] She has an open mic program that's better than anybody's in the country or anybody's I've ever been involved with ever in my whole time in comedy.

[1205] When you do comedy works, you'll work with different people through the weekend, right?

[1206] Like different people at each show.

[1207] And all their local guys that will open for you are all headliners.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] You have just headliners opening for you.

[1210] They're great.

[1211] They're great.

[1212] The whole show is fucking...

[1213] She takes care of guys.

[1214] She pays them well.

[1215] Her food is great.

[1216] Especially in South.

[1217] South she has a gourmet restaurant there.

[1218] Oh, Jesus.

[1219] It's fucking phenomenal.

[1220] God damn, I love Colorado.

[1221] Snowing is fuck there, though.

[1222] 80 degrees here.

[1223] Suck it.

[1224] Sock it.

[1225] Yeah.

[1226] But snow is awesome when you don't have to go anywhere.

[1227] Remember those times when you go out your back porch and you just fucking hear nothing?

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] The way sound just gets absorbed in snow.

[1230] I love that.

[1231] It's some great fucking times, man. I just don't want to live in it.

[1232] I just, but I do like, I like visiting snow.

[1233] I like visiting it, too.

[1234] I would like to get a house somewhere where it's cold, you know, where I could visit on occasion.

[1235] And, you know, I just have to get some more baller money.

[1236] But now I'm fucked because it looks like Fear Factor is going to fucking bite it.

[1237] What?

[1238] Why?

[1239] It's like, it's over.

[1240] Really?

[1241] I thought it was, like, some of the best ratings.

[1242] It was.

[1243] Huge ratings.

[1244] Huge ratings.

[1245] Drop that much down?

[1246] Well, there's a bunch of issues.

[1247] I think one of the issues is, let's be honest, it's a bit low bro.

[1248] And NBC is trying to have quality programming like the office.

[1249] Are you serious?

[1250] I think so.

[1251] Yeah, I think there's issues.

[1252] Even if the numbers are great?

[1253] Yeah, they haven't decided yet.

[1254] Look, they've got a point, man. I see what you're trying to do.

[1255] I know, no hating.

[1256] I love doing it just because I love the guys that I work with.

[1257] I love David Hurwitz and Matt Cunitz and Rupert and all the people at all.

[1258] Rupert Thompson, the director.

[1259] All the people that I worked with were really fucking awesome people.

[1260] They're really fun to be around.

[1261] It's like a family.

[1262] And I missed them, you know, the five years that I didn't work with them.

[1263] And then I'm working with them again for this really short season.

[1264] It was really fun.

[1265] But it's not my favorite thing to do.

[1266] I'm good at it.

[1267] I've been doing it for a long time.

[1268] I know how to host a game show, but I prefer doing stand -up and working for the UFC and this.

[1269] They should move that show to HBO, have nudity, like you're eating fucking fish from girls' vaginas.

[1270] Yeah.

[1271] Yeah, I think it's over.

[1272] And, you know, the other thing was, like, I was telling them that the donkey loads were too much.

[1273] I was like, you can't do this.

[1274] We can't do this.

[1275] Like, NBC approved it.

[1276] NBC approved it.

[1277] And I was like, just because they approved, it doesn't mean you should be doing this.

[1278] Seriously.

[1279] Really?

[1280] You could see it then?

[1281] When I'm the voice of reason, when I'm the one, it's telling you we're going too far.

[1282] That's it.

[1283] Like, what is happening here?

[1284] It's just, they got a little crazy.

[1285] They wanted to have an awesome show.

[1286] You know, whatever.

[1287] It was a fun thing while it lasted.

[1288] And I honestly believe that these new episodes were better than any of the ones we ever did before.

[1289] I enjoyed it.

[1290] I don't see anything wrong with it.

[1291] And I think it's silly that NBC wouldn't do that because all their other shows are hurt and bad.

[1292] They suck.

[1293] That Whitney show that's got horrible reviews or ratings.

[1294] I watched it the other day.

[1295] It was not good.

[1296] But, you know, it's hard.

[1297] It's hard to do a good sitcom.

[1298] It's hard to do it right.

[1299] And, you know, I heard she's a funny stand -up.

[1300] I've never seen her perform before.

[1301] But I heard that Chris Lee is a funny comic as well.

[1302] And, you know, his buddies with Brian.

[1303] I've never seen him before as well.

[1304] So, you know, how is it?

[1305] that they can have two really funny people and not have a funny show.

[1306] A lot of times there's too many cooks in the kitchen.

[1307] A lot of times they're trying to accomplish something and trying to get a vibe going.

[1308] They're trying to find their footing.

[1309] They believe in it, though, because they renewed it.

[1310] They renewed it for another season.

[1311] Oh, did they?

[1312] They're both funny people.

[1313] They both are funny people.

[1314] Well, it takes a while, man. I really enjoyed my time on news radio, but I got a real deep respect for the craft of creating a television show.

[1315] You know, and that's one of the reasons why I never did it again.

[1316] One of the reasons why I never did it again was, first of all, I knew that the guys that I was working with were incredibly talented and it's such Paul Sims the executive Brewster was such an interesting and intelligent guy and his sensibilities were so out there I knew that after like working with him it was going to be really hard to do another sort of sitcom a real mainstream even if it's like a successful one yeah it's hard to do crap you know you realize that that that how much of writing is everything everything it's everything you see these shows that are so good and you're like holy shit you know I shouldn't say it's everything because good writing with shit delivery and shit comics and shit actors is not good either, but it's a huge part of the problem and a part of the equation, rather, and you need real eccentrics to, I mean, one of the things that these guys were, none of them were, there's a couple of them that were stand -ups, you know, that were on the staff, but for the most part, they were just really bright, silly guys who knew how to put together something funny.

[1317] It's fucking rare.

[1318] For every Matt Stone and Trey Parker, there's a hundred pretenders, you know, at least.

[1319] For sure.

[1320] at least.

[1321] And you can get caught on one of those sitcoms where you're just like you're reading the script and you're like what the fuck am I doing man?

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] There's those intangibles too like a show airs and sometimes it just gets legs people who are drawn to it you know and then sometimes you'll feel like everything's right like we got the right scripts are great we got great actors every now and airs people don't respond to it man that's probably yeah I mean a lot of times it's who's the production company and what kind of pull they have with the network and where they decide to put the show but I would definitely do another acting gig.

[1324] I really enjoyed doing that movie with Kevin James, the Zookeeper movie.

[1325] That was a lot of fun.

[1326] But it was mostly fun because Kevin and I had been friends since we were really young and to do a movie.

[1327] Even though it was a silly kids movie.

[1328] Yeah, it was fun.

[1329] It's fun to act.

[1330] It was fun to do, you know, the thing with Leslie Bibb and, you know, the chick from Talladega Nights.

[1331] I was like, this is kind of crazy.

[1332] I'm acting with a girl from Talladega Nights.

[1333] And I hadn't done any acting in fucking 10 years.

[1334] Yeah.

[1335] So it was weird.

[1336] That was fun.

[1337] I would totally do something like that.

[1338] I was totally do a sitcom or something fun acting again.

[1339] But for the most part, One of the weirdest things about being a comic is that everybody wants to put you into some acting situation where you're going to do something that's not nearly as funny as your act.

[1340] That's true.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] You know?

[1343] Or you can see it like when you audition.

[1344] They ever like like punch it up or you change it.

[1345] You'll add something.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] They'll be like, that was really funny.

[1348] You're like, well, yeah, I kind of have to do this a lot.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] You got to make stuff up.

[1351] Sometimes to get mad, you know.

[1352] Oh, I got yelled at one time too.

[1353] What they said?

[1354] The guy laughed and then we did it, we did it again.

[1355] And he was like, that's just rude.

[1356] man and I was like what he was like that's rude and he meant it was rude that I tagged the line you know I made up a line whoa he laughed the first time and then he was like it's really rude you need to drop that and I was like whoa fuck him he fucked me up so badly then we did the third take and I was like yeah okay I didn't even move my face I was what a weak bitch yeah I was like you just laughed at it man like everybody laughed at it that's a hundred percent ego right there yeah he's the he wasn't even the um he was just a casting guy he wasn't a director or the producer on it he was just like well he's trying to fucking through that yeah you know whatever it was saying it's rude he's an idiot that was one of the coolest things about news radio is that paul sims would let us make up entire scenes but scene didn't work dave foley was like the secret producer on the set he would just like rewrite a scene really completely do it differently Dave foley's a genius his his ability to like see scenes and see jokes and see like you know his sketch background from kids in the hall he created a lot of sketches a great writer awesome you know he got off track with his life and you know you had a lot of hard times we had them on the podcast once talk about as a fascinating fascinating story of of caution a cautionary tale you know if what could happen if you're involved in a terrible relationship and it goes wrong and you know you have spiteful ex -wife and poor guy man it's really horrendous you know and that led to all sorts of other issues as well but as a as a writer and as a like a guy who like as a comedian he's a genius just talented guy brilliant just a brilliant really interesting funny guy really smart guy she got him back on he It was great.

[1357] Yeah, I'd love to have him back on to help his comedy because I haven't heard anything about him.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] Have you heard him?

[1360] I saw him driving one day, and that's the last I saw him.

[1361] That's sad driving.

[1362] Well, I know that he's, he had some setbacks.

[1363] He's trying, I mean, he can't go to Canada at all.

[1364] If he goes to Canada, they'll arrest him now.

[1365] That's crazy.

[1366] Yeah, he owes, like, some crazy amount of money.

[1367] Then he had a show that took off for a little while.

[1368] He got, like, the pilot got picked up, then it got canceled.

[1369] Oh, yeah.

[1370] Yeah, I think I saw that.

[1371] I saw a commercial for it.

[1372] It's a hard fucking world, dude.

[1373] It is, dude.

[1374] The world of trying to create a sitcom is not fun.

[1375] No. And the odds of you, and there's so many people out there trying to do it.

[1376] Yeah, I've written a couple.

[1377] Have you?

[1378] I've written a couple scripts, yeah, pilots, yeah.

[1379] And it's like, I don't know, it's, I mean, it comes naturally.

[1380] It's brain, you're just pulling your hair out, and then you rewrite it so many times than some reason.

[1381] They're like, yeah, you need to make some more change.

[1382] You're like, I've already written it fucking 40 times.

[1383] Well, not only that, by the way, they will never let you create your own show.

[1384] Right.

[1385] Because if you create your own show, you own the show.

[1386] And if you own the show, that's fucking billion.

[1387] they have that thing locked down the only people who can own shows and be show runners and be executive those people are already deep, deep deep in the business.

[1388] There's very little room for some new guy who creates his own show.

[1389] You know, you have to be paired up with some dude who's already, production company, they know what's at stake there.

[1390] You're not doing your own thing.

[1391] Yeah, you can't just come to them independently and say, hey, NBC, my name's Tom Sawyer, me and my buddy, we wrote a sitcom, I'm going to be the creator and executive producer, and he's going to be the director.

[1392] Is that cool with you?

[1393] Yeah, you guys are creative, come on in.

[1394] No way, because that's a money train.

[1395] They're giving you a free ticket on the money train.

[1396] You know, you get like some Roseanne style syndication money or Seinfeld syndication money.

[1397] They know what's involved in that in a successful show.

[1398] So they got that situation all locked up.

[1399] That's one of the reasons why so many of those shows suck.

[1400] You know, they got the same dudes feeding people the same slop.

[1401] You know, there's like if you look at like the showrunners of certain like hit shows, there's like two and a half man. That dude does like a gang of them.

[1402] The one that Charlie Sheen was brawling with.

[1403] That guy does like the fucking big bang yeah yeah he's a fucking Mike and Molly Mike that's his too yeah he doesn't imagine what that makes ridiculous money yeah he's got it locked up wow yeah yeah that dude owns hits television hits wouldn't you have loved to see the arguments with him and Charlie Sheen on DVD oh wouldn't it be great if somebody filmed them if somebody on the two and a half men set filmed some of the arguments I'm sure they have that fuck I wish I would love to see that we just have to wait to fucking yeah I'll die egos, man, you know.

[1404] I think that's the guy who also got, do you remember Brett Butler?

[1405] Do you remember her?

[1406] Do you remember when she was a big TV star?

[1407] She had that show.

[1408] What was the show?

[1409] But I remember her.

[1410] What the fuck was that show?

[1411] Yeah.

[1412] God damn it.

[1413] Was it the Brett Butler show?

[1414] No, no, no, no, no. It was a raging, something.

[1415] Something.

[1416] No. Fuck, man. Grace under fire.

[1417] yeah grace under fire well she was like uh she was you know she was fucking big time man you know she was the star of a sitcom yeah and she apparently just got crazy ego bullshit went through and she threw a soda in his face and said if you fuck your wife the same way you write no wonder why she left you whoa yeah and that was it they pulled the plug on that bitch now she's homeless yeah now she's very well Managed off the face of the earth.

[1418] I mean, she was an enormous star, dude.

[1419] Yeah, yeah.

[1420] She was enormous, man. And she was also an enormous star as a stand -up comedian.

[1421] You know, she was really charismatic.

[1422] Have you seen the homeless picture over her?

[1423] She was on the interview the other day.

[1424] Yeah, for real homeless.

[1425] Yeah, for real homeless.

[1426] They interviewed her and she's just, she looks like she hit a wall.

[1427] God, dude, pull that up.

[1428] I want to see this video.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] It says the Golden Globe nominated actress who struggled with drug addiction went broke after in 1993, the 1998 sitcom ended its run on ABC.

[1431] Oh my God.

[1432] She looks crazy.

[1433] Brett Butler, two T's.

[1434] Are you serious?

[1435] One T and Butler.

[1436] Oh my God.

[1437] The actress, a Golden Globe nominee for a role in the 1993, 1998 comedy series struggled with substance abuse while starring on the show which was in the top ten for two seasons.

[1438] The Chuck Lorry created show was canceled in 1998 after she was asked to leave the set because of her drug use.

[1439] Yeah, she threw a drink in his face.

[1440] My friend was working on the set.

[1441] He also worked on one of the shows that I worked on on news radio and he said, you know, he said in her accent, you fuck your wife.

[1442] Same way you ride.

[1443] The fire was one of ABC's biggest hits of the 90s, but whatever happened to the star, Brett Butler.

[1444] Sadly, we have found out she is living in a homeless shelter, and tonight she tells me what it is like to hit Rock Bottom in Hollywood.

[1445] I almost died like Michael Jackson.

[1446] I was dying of addiction I would be in hell.

[1447] Brett had it all a hit show on primetime TV two years in the top ten.

[1448] Can you see me walking down the street?

[1449] She made millions and lived in a mansion, a tough -talking woman with a wild temper and killing herself with drugs.

[1450] Is it drugs?

[1451] Drugs.

[1452] Your addiction?

[1453] Everything but crack and needles pretty much.

[1454] I had a variety of things, given to me by doctors and other things.

[1455] I'm not doing it to be coy, but I'm not going to go through the, you know, what I did.

[1456] I did it until the wheels came off.

[1457] You just go up your room right now and you don't come back down until you love your brother.

[1458] Grace Under Fire was a working class sitcom done in the same vein as Roseanne and Matt about you now on DVD.

[1459] It was produced by funny man Chuck Laurie, creator of two and a half men and the Big Bang Theory.

[1460] It was filmed here on the same studio lot as he did.

[1461] at stage 14, where Christina Applegates up all night is now.

[1462] He said you hope you've been forgiven.

[1463] What would you hope you've been forgiven for?

[1464] Making someone's day miserable over the choice of a word in a 22 -minute show.

[1465] A lot of the times I've been an ass and didn't even think I was.

[1466] Like I'd call my managers and go, there's a white limo out here for an award show.

[1467] And they'd say, oh, my God, don't get in it.

[1468] And he should have said, you ungrateful cracker, go get in the car and go to the show.

[1469] They'll drop you out back.

[1470] Because she wanted a black one, is that what she's trying to say?

[1471] Some people have weird things like that.

[1472] All these Great White Hope rehabs, the one in Malibu, I call muffins, where they have a sous chef in collage class, and I'm going, you're kidding.

[1473] And, you know, some won't give you sugar and coffee, and they give you drugs and other ones.

[1474] It's just, it's bizarre.

[1475] It's $30 ,000 a month, and you're lucky when you don't die.

[1476] People used to come up and say, I tomb a survivor of so -and -so, and I want to go.

[1477] Look, if you don't wear the t -shirt, you'll have more fun.

[1478] She left Hollywood for a farm in Georgia, where she lived with her 15 pets.

[1479] But then, the money ran out, and one of Hollywood's biggest stars had to live in a homeless shelter.

[1480] Now, Brad is making a comeback returning to stand -up this weekend, an L .A.'s downtown comedy club.

[1481] I just want to make a comeback to be Nancy Grace's worst nightmare.

[1482] I really feel like an old dog, though.

[1483] It's almost like I was a horse that ran in the derby once.

[1484] The kids were coming up, going, are you still doing this?

[1485] I think it's something to do with me living through it.

[1486] I don't think about what I survived.

[1487] I hope I forgive.

[1488] I hope I'm forgiven.

[1489] And I'm just really glad that I think things are funny, and there's no end of that.

[1490] And Brett has even more to reveal tomorrow.

[1491] She tells me her plans for a big TV comeback.

[1492] Don't get it creeps me out.

[1493] Don't get hooked on drugs, guys.

[1494] She creeps me out, but you know who creeps me out just as much, the lady talking to her.

[1495] I don't feel like I know anything about her while she's talking.

[1496] She's pretty.

[1497] Oh, she's beautiful.

[1498] She's beautiful.

[1499] She seems real nice.

[1500] I don't know a goddamn thing about her.

[1501] I'm not getting anything out of her.

[1502] That reminds me of the first time I bought drugs.

[1503] The first time I ever bought drugs?

[1504] Tell me about this.

[1505] Do you remember the first time you ever bought drugs?

[1506] No, but you told me that you had a story.

[1507] I met the first time I ever bought drugs I was in high school.

[1508] And I went to a small high school.

[1509] So I was trying to be, like, not make a thing to ask about it at first, you know, because you don't want it to get around and, like, be a...

[1510] So you were curious?

[1511] Yeah, I wanted to try stuff.

[1512] But I didn't know who to ask, because if you ask, like, at a small school, you're, like, it could blow up real fast.

[1513] Right.

[1514] That's how gossip traveled.

[1515] So my friend, Steve, had just transferred from, like, the big high school, like, from a high school with, like, 5 ,000 kids.

[1516] And so it was, like, a weekend.

[1517] I was like, let's get a sack.

[1518] And I think we had just seen menace to society.

[1519] And we were like, you, what's up?

[1520] Like, we were trying to totally be, like, hardcore guys.

[1521] I'm, like, pulling a hat to the side.

[1522] Be like, let's do this, man. Did you wear your hat to the side?

[1523] No, but I think, you know, a lot of, like, throwing swag into shit.

[1524] And he's being like, you know, hey, let's get a sack.

[1525] You get your blackness on.

[1526] Definitely feeling it.

[1527] 14, like, what's up?

[1528] Just do this shit.

[1529] I got your back.

[1530] Right.

[1531] Making shit up.

[1532] Little too white, right?

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] And so.

[1535] Uncomfortable with your existence.

[1536] Totally.

[1537] And then he's like, I know the guy.

[1538] So, like a Saturday night, this like long, green, like old school 70s Cadillac pulls up.

[1539] And he's like, that's the dude.

[1540] And this guy rolls the window down.

[1541] He's like, yo, get in the back.

[1542] And I was like, all right, cool.

[1543] We get in the back, thinking like that's where it goes down.

[1544] And Steve's like, you know, this is White Pete.

[1545] I was like, what's up, white Pete?

[1546] Like, and he was called White Pete because they needed to give him a distinction for his name because he was the only white guy that ran with his crew, right?

[1547] And he was like, we didn't have driver's licenses.

[1548] So he was like exactly what we, like, at that moment what we wanted to be in a couple years.

[1549] Like he had like the whole unit, like the oversized white tea and like, you know, gold chain yeah and fucking like fade he was like what's up I'm white people he talked like Snoop dog almost oh right and so we're like all right and I thought he was like so we're gonna go get it now I was like go get what like I thought we were just doing this in the car we wouldn't go get that sack man I'm like oh okay so we start driving we go 30 minutes in a car we go to the next town over which is Fort Pierce which is definitely a shittier place right so we're driving through Fort Pierce and we go from a main street to like single lane highways you know in Florida there's like oh yeah right so we're on a busy then we go to a single lane that has like canals on each side oh yeah and we're driving and then we go from that to a dirt road and then the dirt road off of that dirt road like we're driving down like this is some forensic file shit like we're going to end up on a lot of woods yeah a lot of brush uh groves that kind of shit and i was like fuck man and at this point like i'm thinking about like menace to society and i'm like i want to be in that right now but i'm feeling like ah feeling really white I'm like really scared and so and now it's night and it you know it's like because we he came over in the evening already so now's pitch black outside and we're on a dirt road off of a dirt road like you could scream there's nobody gonna hear shit and on the dirt road up a gravel path I see a light and the light is from a trailer so we pull up to the trailer and we get out and it's me Steve and white Pete and we knock on the door the trailer and this dude opens the door and he has his black guy that has like six dreadlocks like you know each dread lock is like a size of like a king size snicker bar he's got six snicker bars coming out of his hair and white piece like what's up pat pat he's like what's up white Pete and they give each other hug and I was like oh fuck like now this really is like totally menace society shit right so what's gonna happen but I'm so trying to be cool about it like so trying to be cool about it and then uh he's like these white boys looking for a sack and he's like yeah Yeah, we can do that.

[1550] So we go and say, mind you, we're looking for $20.

[1551] Right.

[1552] And we, like, for us, how far have you driven?

[1553] How long is it taken?

[1554] This is, from this point, it's like, we're already 30 miles south of the city we started.

[1555] Why would you just say, like, never mind after 10 miles?

[1556] Because I wanted that.

[1557] Why does the white peach is sell it to you?

[1558] Why does he have to take you on the trip to the guy's house?

[1559] These are all questions I have, but don't have the balls to ask.

[1560] Like, I'm in my mind, I'm like, uh, like, I'm 14, 15.

[1561] I'm like, I'm not saying shit to this dude.

[1562] Right.

[1563] I'm cool.

[1564] What's up?

[1565] He's got a sack.

[1566] Right?

[1567] Still trying me. So we go into his trailer and he's like, all right, we're going to get to do that sec. We'll be back in 10 minutes.

[1568] I was like, who will be back in 10 minutes?

[1569] He's like, we will be.

[1570] You stay here and watch my place.

[1571] And I was like, what?

[1572] Like, what the fuck are you talking about is what I'm thinking?

[1573] But then I just go like, yeah, cool.

[1574] Totally.

[1575] So you're in his trailer?

[1576] And he's like, watch it for me. And I'm like, oh, no. Like, I'm feeling like that, like real.

[1577] fear but I go yeah no problem man like I watch people's houses all the time like it totally fucking right terrified right and then he goes like the you walk in the trailer you're in the living room because that's the way trailer is right you walk into it and there's a bedroom to the right he's like waiting here on the bed he's like there's a 45 and a 12 gauge and he goes anybody comes in my in my house you shoot him and I was like right and then he's like except for my mama my mama comes home don't shoot her and I was like Got it.

[1578] And except I kept trying to be cool about it.

[1579] I was like, yeah, like, that's what's up.

[1580] I know what you're saying, man. Go get that sack.

[1581] Totally like trying to be like, he was like, all right.

[1582] They walk out.

[1583] They leave me in his trailer with two guns and a fucking message to not, to shoot everybody but his mother.

[1584] And I just sit there and I watch the MTV Video Music Awards.

[1585] And the whole time, like, every show that comes, I just, I'm rocking.

[1586] And I'm actually hoping that it's an intruder.

[1587] versus his mom because I feel like if it's his mom she might accidentally shoot her or how is she going to react to my explanation like papat just told me to wait here he's getting some weed for me but I'm not supposed to shoot everybody but you are you cool with that and she's like ah yeah it happens all the time like how are you going to react to this so I I think I mean I'm having a panic attack we finally they come back I get back in with uh with white Pete he drives us back and I'm sitting there we got I'm like, what the fuck, dude?

[1588] That was the worst shit ever.

[1589] Like, I'm fucking terrified.

[1590] He was like, yeah.

[1591] Him and Pat, Steve and Pat became, like, best friends.

[1592] So they became, like, super close.

[1593] Like, that was, like, his guy.

[1594] He would go to and I'd be like, no, dude.

[1595] I don't want to hang out with Pat Pat at all.

[1596] And, like, six months later, when Steve got his license, we went, he was like, you want to get some weed today?

[1597] I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1598] So where we go?

[1599] We go to Four Pears, pull up to Pat Pat's.

[1600] And I'm like, God, damn it.

[1601] So you remembered how to get there?

[1602] He did.

[1603] Steve had to start going there all the time.

[1604] Oh, my God.

[1605] We pull up to his trailer this time.

[1606] He gets out now.

[1607] This time, like, well, they're friends.

[1608] This is probably going to be a much quicker thing.

[1609] He comes out.

[1610] He jumps in the back, and he's like, all right, let's roll.

[1611] And I was like, ah, no, like, we're going to fucking look for a sack again.

[1612] Like, I thought you just have this shit, man. So this time we went to this, but this is the thing.

[1613] Pat Pascared the shit out of me the first time.

[1614] But that second time, he saved our life, actually.

[1615] Because we went from his trailer the second time where he jumped in the back, went to Avenue D, which is the fucking.

[1616] fucking shitty street in Fort Pierce.

[1617] Like, if you're going to, like, every city, you know, you have like, I don't know, whatever city you're in there, like, that's, like, you've ever seen, have you been to a street where you see open drug dealing where there's not even some type of facade?

[1618] Los Angeles.

[1619] Right, but you've been down a street where there's like, there's no pretense about it.

[1620] There's just like, Los Angeles.

[1621] What's, which part of it?

[1622] We're filming Fear Factor.

[1623] We're actually filming the Playboy Playmate edition of Fear Factor.

[1624] Downtown area?

[1625] And we were watching people sell drugs, smoke crack, right there.

[1626] We were in a crane.

[1627] And we're like, I go, look, they're smoking crack.

[1628] And the girls are like, oh, my God, they are smoking crack.

[1629] And like, this is ridiculous.

[1630] Yeah, yeah.

[1631] No one's protecting us.

[1632] We're up here in a crane.

[1633] That was exactly like this where we pulled up in Steve's car and the windows come down and we just get surrounded.

[1634] Like the car got surrounded by six guys.

[1635] And they reached in their jackets and they go at this, they, it's one guy who goes, y 'all look familiar.

[1636] And this other guy goes, yeah, y 'all look real familiar.

[1637] You all ever been here before?

[1638] Now, when you, when somebody says that, you look familiar, you have been here before, how would you answer that?

[1639] I'd just say, nope, nope.

[1640] Right, and exactly at that moment, I go, no. And Steve, at the exact same one goes, yep, yes.

[1641] Oh, I hate that shit.

[1642] Oh, man. And then they're like, see, I told you, man, y 'all look like the white boys that have been snatching bags around here.

[1643] I was like, oh, fuck.

[1644] Like, you look like the white boys that have been taking bags from guys.

[1645] Wow.

[1646] I'm like, no, dude.

[1647] That's not us.

[1648] Steve's like, but we have been here before.

[1649] like will you shut the fuck up pat pat is in the back like hold on he gets out and like walks or talks to all them like uh you know like he's the ambassador right and like i don't know what fucking like i own these guys they're with me right like fucking and they totally let us go but if without without him we would have been fucked what's that noise right what is that noise that me it's not that's me pat pat pat pat pat is still i don't know what happened to pat pat and white pete who knows what happened not good things probably not good things man you should facebook um can you facebook pap pap but that will be the next person that makes up a fake twitter that's a real that was i had real fear oh yeah you're like for a good fucking reason oh like when you feel your stomach dropping you're like what's gonna happen right now oh my god yeah that's terrible shit man when i was a kid when i was in high school we used to uh go to dorchester to eat like late at night i was hanging out with this one kid i lived in jamaica plane before I went to high school and Jamaica plane was like a real shifting neighborhood.

[1650] It was kind of kind of creepy.

[1651] Yeah.

[1652] And it was, it bordered some really creepy places.

[1653] And I became friends with a couple of those kids and I stayed in touch with them.

[1654] And then when I went to high school, I went to visit them a couple times before I realized it was really fucking dangerous.

[1655] Yeah.

[1656] They were going to a bad high school, man. Their high school situation, my high school situation was very different.

[1657] Yeah.

[1658] We went to the same middle school together and middle school was kind of okay because kids were young.

[1659] They hadn't gotten into a dangerous shit yet.

[1660] And, you know, this is 1980.

[1661] you know this is early it was like when the sugar hill gang would just come out hip hop a hip it to the hip it hip hip hop that was the first rap music and it was very friendly in retrospect and uh things changed radically though when when i left i went to uh newton which is like nice suburbs and i lived across the street from a river and there was like woods near me and shit like that yeah and they went to the inner city uh high school and they had some fucking tough times man i watched those dudes they were basically involved in just just crime was everywhere around them.

[1662] It was nuts, You know, inner city shit is just no fun at all.

[1663] And I got lucky that, you know, my parents, I mean to move to a nicer place.

[1664] And we, anyway, we would go to these places like late at night when I was hanging out with them.

[1665] You know, we'd hang out with some of their friends.

[1666] Yeah.

[1667] Like, we'd go to like Dorchester, like 2 o 'clock in the morning to eat.

[1668] And I go, first of all, I couldn't believe, who the fuck let me wander around at 14 years old.

[1669] Yeah.

[1670] But we were in some place where you, there was bulletproof glass.

[1671] They would sell you food.

[1672] but it was through bulletproof glass it was sandwiches and there was like a slot where you would slide the food under and it was like the worst fucking neighborhood you could possibly be in outside of Beirut we're hanging out there and some guy goes I told you I paid for this shit motherfucker like the size I already paid for this shit and they were like let him go let him go let him go yeah and you see the guy like bluffed his way out of a free sandwich and he would walk off and he was eating it like right at the front door like blocking the door like a dog like he got foreign enough you know for he was away from danger and he was just with no regard for how it looked he was just eating it blocking the doorway eating this sandwich yeah and then i was like um there's there's people don't know like how how bad some neighborhoods are in like Hollywood like uh sunset between like fairfax and crescent heights used to be like yeah and like um you know i remember one i worked at a restaurant there and one night man two two weekends in a row first week someone got shot in the head on the steps into Denny's which was like a block and then the next weekend somebody came in one into the kitchen took scissors to start stabbing people with scissors than stabbing themselves but it was also god but it was also like a criminal hangout because the Denny's on Denny's is a criminal hangout you know I'm saying it's open all night so like that's where late night people people who are up all night could go and hang out so it became like it was they just shut it down because they're like everybody who's who's in here is like a pimp, hustler, a drug dealer, and they're murdering people weekend after weekend.

[1673] So they just shut that shit down.

[1674] But that was like, there was a dangerous area, man. Hollywood is so shitty.

[1675] People who come to Hollywood who think that they're going to come.

[1676] We're going to go to sing this.

[1677] I almost killed a guy yesterday coming home from the doctor.

[1678] This is, I was probably going 45, 50 miles an hour.

[1679] And I don't know where the car next to me just slams on his brakes.

[1680] I'm going to what the fuck.

[1681] So I slammed on my brakes, even though I had no idea why he was slamming on his brakes type thing.

[1682] Because I couldn't see over his car.

[1683] And it's slam on bricks and just missed this old man dressed up as a woman and he was just crossing the street like in the middle of the street jay walking and just screaming at us like like like a blah yeah like you could just tell he was fucking crazy and like lipstick all around his whole entire face dude it was just an old man dressed up as a woman was co -star from grace under fire still pissed that bitch out of scream and get the show cancel I got to fucking bounce I got to go do a show go bounce Braya Imprope folks tonight if you are around if you're anywhere near Brea there's an p .m. show tonight, Braya Improv.

[1684] Tommy Segura, all up in this, but you're headlining, though, right?

[1685] Well, it's a Valentine show.

[1686] You and your wife?

[1687] You and your wife?

[1688] Yeah, so it starts when you get there if you're late.

[1689] Don't worry about it.

[1690] You won't be late, though.

[1691] You can leave here.

[1692] I'll give you directions.

[1693] Thank you.

[1694] This weekend, I'll be at the Orlando Improv.

[1695] So if you're in Orlando, Florida.

[1696] I'll be in the Orlando, Florida.

[1697] I'll be in the Orlando, you're dirty freaks.

[1698] And you got to go down and support Tommy when he is taping his new CD.

[1699] That will be in Denver at the Comedy Works South on February 24th and 25th.

[1700] It's a great fucking club.

[1701] Tell Wendy, I said, Well, and also please check out the podcast.

[1702] The podcast I've done with Brian for the last few years.

[1703] Yes, it's called Your Mom's House.

[1704] It's available on iTunes.

[1705] We're going to do the first episode without our beloved Brian tomorrow.

[1706] And the website is your mom's house podcast .com.

[1707] Your Mom's House podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christine Vosinski.

[1708] Very, very funny young lady.

[1709] And she'll be on the show tonight as well.

[1710] That's the Bray Improv 9 p .m. And of course, next, not next weekend, but whatever the fuck weekend it is.

[1711] It is next weekend?

[1712] Yeah, it's not this coming weekend, but the next one.

[1713] 24th and the 25th, Denver, get on that shit.

[1714] Thank you.

[1715] Fire up, Death Squad, in support.

[1716] Tom Segura, you are the fucking man. I love you, buddy.

[1717] You're awesome.

[1718] Thanks for having me. Tell Pat Pat, I said, what's up?

[1719] What's up?

[1720] What's up?

[1721] Pat Pat?

[1722] Get that sack.

[1723] Get that sack.

[1724] Thank you to the Pleshlight for sponsoring our podcast.

[1725] From the beginning, from the very dark days of laptops and not knowing what the fuck we're doing, as if we didn't start off today on the wrong channel.

[1726] Hey, we got a little slippery.

[1727] Listen, this is real.

[1728] There's not a lot of production value, but it's free, okay?

[1729] Thanks to everybody that's tuning into this fucking thing.

[1730] Before we even get their sponsors, you know, it's one of the coolest things in the world to have such an awesome fan base, to have so many cool fucking people, to connect with so many people, to get all these messages from you guys, like, hey, man, this is what I've been looking for in my whole life.

[1731] This show's changing my life.

[1732] This show changes the way I look at things.

[1733] You guys change the way we look at things, too.

[1734] From Twitter, from all the cool links that I get sent to the amount of support that we get from our shows, to me is the coolest thing that I've ever done in my life.

[1735] You got the best fans.

[1736] I'm lucky.

[1737] I'm very, very fortunate.

[1738] We put out the right vibe and people respond and we put out this show for, it's real.

[1739] It's, you know what I'm saying?

[1740] It's like there's no bullshit, no pretense.

[1741] It is what it is.

[1742] It's 100 % free and we love all you freaks.

[1743] And we just want to let you know that we, this is not something I take for granted.

[1744] I've done a lot of shit in my career.

[1745] This is the thing I'm the most proud of for sure.

[1746] It's, you guys, I'm the most proud of the whole, the whole thing, everything behind it, all the moment.

[1747] I don't want to say movement.

[1748] all the momentum behind it, all the shows.

[1749] It's a humbling experience, man, when I do something like the Chicago Theater and there's 3 ,200 people and everyone's screaming and cheer.

[1750] It's really the greatest, one of the greatest experiences of my life.

[1751] And we're going to keep going, bitch.

[1752] We ain't going nowhere.

[1753] Come see me and, yeah, go to Joe Rogan .com.

[1754] I don't even know where the fuck I'm going.

[1755] Friday, we're at the Ice House.

[1756] Go to Ice House Comedy.

[1757] Friday, we're at the Ice House.

[1758] And Friday, by the way, it's going to be, it's a very intimate show and it will sell out.

[1759] We do them every week.

[1760] there's only 85 seats and it's fucking awesome it's gonna be Ryan Redband who's gone well I don't know the four lineups but we have DJ Dog Pound I think is going to do it who does all the Tim and Eric stuff oh really oh beautiful and you're around this Friday as well I'm in Orlando you're in the Orlando okay that's it you dirty freaks thanks to fleshlight go to Joe Rogan dot net click in the link for the fleshlight enter in the code name Rogan and then go fuck yourself or go fuck it yourself thank you to on it .com O NITM makers of alpha brain, new mood, shroom tech sport and shroom tech immune, all powerful, cognitive enhancing supplements, immune supplements, supplements, and endurance supplements, all good shit, all natural, all good for you, all explained at onit .com, O N -N -N -I -T.

[1761] Go to joe Rogan .com, click on the alpha brain link, entering the code name Rogan, and you will get 10 % off your first order.

[1762] I'm going to have that changed for all your orders, all right?

[1763] So you can always get a nice little discount, all right?

[1764] You fucking freaks.

[1765] You know I love you.

[1766] God damn it.

[1767] Smoke that sack, man. That's it.

[1768] Smoke that sack.

[1769] And I'll see you guys soon.

[1770] Check out UFC tomorrow night.

[1771] I won't be there, but it's going to be live from somewhere cool.

[1772] Omaha, Nebraska?

[1773] Oh, Jake Ellenberger.

[1774] He's from Omaha and Diego Sanchez.

[1775] And I believe that's on FX.

[1776] All right, I love you, thanks.