Tig Notaro

[0] Hi, my name is Tignotaro, and I feel glad about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Fall is here, Bingabelle, brand of shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, you are going to be friends.

[2] Hey there, and welcome to another episode of Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[3] This is, of course, the podcast where I, Conan O 'Brien, try to use the medium of podcastery.

[4] Is that a word?

[5] Yeah, the medium of podcastery to force people to be my friends.

[6] And so far, it's kind of working.

[7] Getting a lot of people in here and having great conversations.

[8] And, of course, I'm aided, as always by my assistant Sona.

[9] Moseccian, is that the correct pronunciation?

[10] It is.

[11] Yeah, it's good.

[12] It's Armenian.

[13] It's, yeah, very Armenian.

[14] Sona and Mopsessian are...

[15] Actually, Sona's Hindi for gold.

[16] Oh, well, you are gold, Sona.

[17] You are gold.

[18] I'm waiting.

[19] I always wait.

[20] Every time you compliment me. What are you talking about?

[21] You are gold.

[22] You fluctuate and value wildly.

[23] There you go.

[24] There it is.

[25] There it is.

[26] And of course Matt Goreley's here.

[27] Hey, Matt.

[28] Hey, how are you?

[29] Pretty good.

[30] I haven't seen you a little bit.

[31] You seem relaxed.

[32] You're wearing a t -shirt today for the, I think I've never seen you in a t -shirt before.

[33] You're usually a little more dressed up.

[34] You're in a t -shirt as well.

[35] Yeah, I wasn't criticizing you.

[36] No, I'm not.

[37] I'm saying we're alike.

[38] Why are you crying?

[39] Why are you crying?

[40] Just relax.

[41] It's all good.

[42] Anyway, you look very relaxed and calm.

[43] You look great, buddy.

[44] You're fired.

[45] Before we go any further, I do want to mention this.

[46] If you like this podcast, you can do more than just listen to it.

[47] You can wear it on your body.

[48] That's right.

[49] That's right.

[50] right.

[51] We got swag.

[52] Sona, did you know this?

[53] We got swag now.

[54] I did know this.

[55] Did you see it?

[56] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend T -shirt.

[57] It's a nice t -shirt.

[58] And everybody could use a T -shirt and it has my name on it.

[59] I can't wear it.

[60] When I wear stuff with my name on it, people think I've gone insane.

[61] Is my name on it?

[62] It was, but I got it taken off.

[63] Oh, God.

[64] Yeah, I use scissors on each pair.

[65] Anyway, it's a nice t -shirt and it's available now on Podswag.

[66] dot com slash conan podswag dot com slash conan and hey if this takes off there'll be other stuff there'll be conan corrective arches conan water purifiers conan o 'brien needs a friend dental dams these are all things that we're going to offer so cool what do you mean that are you being sarcastic i'm being so sarcastic yeah and almost blew out the mic podswag dot com slash conan wear this podcast uh i'm excited because today we are talking to someone I really admire and respect Tignotaro.

[67] Since the first time she came on my show, I've just thought she's got one of the most unique approaches to comedy out there.

[68] She's got a very individualized voice.

[69] There's no one else like her.

[70] And I really, I think she's very brave, too.

[71] She takes a lot of chances in her comedy.

[72] And I'm saying all this because she's here and I want to embarrass her.

[73] Take.

[74] Thank you for being here.

[75] That's the longest pause recorded in the history of podcasts.

[76] You haven't heard me on other podcasts.

[77] I've done some pretty monumental pausing.

[78] Really?

[79] Is there going to be some long pausing in here today?

[80] Well.

[81] That was pretty good right there.

[82] We'll see.

[83] I calculate you burn about two.

[84] calories a year.

[85] I think.

[86] Walking to the studio from the front door, what I thought was the studio, into your podcast studio, I'm certain I burned many a calorie walking here.

[87] Yes, we should come clean.

[88] We're in the Warner Brothers studio, but people walk into the giant studio, which houses the television show, but then you keep walking and walking and walking.

[89] And then you have to walk for about 10 minutes to get here.

[90] No, I know.

[91] I did it.

[92] Yeah.

[93] I know.

[94] You told me you did it and then I responded to it.

[95] I got my 10 ,000 steps in today, getting to you.

[96] I see.

[97] Well, what do you think of my statement take?

[98] A hilarious person.

[99] I've admired your comedy style the first time I saw you.

[100] But you have, and not but you have, and you have nerves of steel.

[101] You will risk anything.

[102] You are not afraid to completely go with almost zero energy sometimes.

[103] almost next to no energy at all and just use the power of your thoughts to make people really laugh very hard.

[104] I don't have that kind of courage.

[105] I have to use my body the way a clown would.

[106] That's courageous.

[107] No, it really isn't.

[108] It's what I call a last resort.

[109] When the first time you came on our show, I think you just pushed a stool back and forth to get the noise of the stool.

[110] and when I heard that you were going to do try something like that, I thought there's a 98 % chance that this just won't work.

[111] Do you know what my one regret was that day?

[112] Was that I didn't do it the entire time that I was on the show because I opened with some jokes.

[113] Right.

[114] And that was me being a coward.

[115] Oh, so you did actually show a little bit of fear.

[116] Is that what you're saying?

[117] Well, I just, I think that it wasn't even fear.

[118] It was just, that was like the set that I'd put together.

[119] I was like, oh, these jokes, and then I'll end with pushing a stool around for a few minutes.

[120] And then as my big closer.

[121] Yeah, listen to what you just said.

[122] What you just said is I'll do some jokes and then I'll go to my surefire.

[123] I will push a stool around in front of people.

[124] And the joke was just the noise.

[125] kind of that the stool made and just the nerve I think it was the nerve of what you're doing and the stool did make kind of a funny sound as you pushed it when you started to do it my heart was in my mouth because I thought I'm in love I'm in love and I know this woman's in love with me I have no doubt she's attracted to me yeah and and I think that's a special kind of of person, especially in comedy, comedians, and I put myself in this category, there's a neediness, no matter how much we try to get away from the neediness.

[126] And you seem very unique, and this is a compliment, I don't see the neediness at all.

[127] I don't see it.

[128] So how does that work?

[129] Well, I don't know how it works, but I don't feel needy.

[130] I mean, of course there's hints of neediness.

[131] I mean, I'm on stage, but I also feel like I've become more comfortable and confident.

[132] And now I want to do a great job when I am performing.

[133] And I know that when I started out and I was doing the road and I was going through Middle America and, you know, sometimes people would come up to me and just be like, oh, thank you so much.

[134] We've been saving up our money for a babysitter and to go out to eat and this was just such a fun night and it was a I remember it really hit me like oh right there are some people that don't have the luxury of just going out whenever they want whether it's for financial reasons or getting a babysitter and that kind of motivated me like you have to do a great job every time you get on stage because there could be somebody that saved their money to go see you and you did a terrible job but um i also just think that in the the bigger picture of life of looking at what we're all doing and what i'm doing in that moment it's it's hilarious even if i'm bombing sometimes i think it's kind of amusing even though i want to do a good job and get the crowd best Back, when I was preparing for my special a couple of years ago, I went to a club in Florida and there was a poster promoting my appearance that said Tignotaro from Garfunkel a notes.

[135] And I was like, oh my God, this is so amazing.

[136] This is a show on IFC.

[137] They got canceled after one season that my friends had me on one episode, brief, So you had appeared on Garfunkel and O. I had as a guest star so briefly.

[138] Right.

[139] And I was like, that means that probably whoever was making this poster was so unfamiliar with me that they Googled me and that was what their eyeballs saw somewhere.

[140] And so they just put that as my credit.

[141] And then I went in and proceeded to have the worst show of my career in years.

[142] Describe it.

[143] There's a silence.

[144] The crowd is quiet?

[145] Yes, sir.

[146] Very quiet.

[147] That was what indicated.

[148] We're getting this down for the record.

[149] Yes.

[150] So it was a...

[151] It was quiet.

[152] It was a crime scene.

[153] It was so hilariously bad for where I was in my career.

[154] I don't feel like I bombed that terribly anymore.

[155] And I was trying to do theaters and clubs and colleges and living rooms and whoever would take me to just really work out this material.

[156] And here I was in a comedy club in Florida, and nothing was working.

[157] And I finally was just like, I just started laughing in the middle of myself.

[158] I was flown here to do this show.

[159] And they're paying me money.

[160] And like, I normally even do bigger venues than this.

[161] Right.

[162] And it usually goes well.

[163] And nothing.

[164] I'm saying is registering with this entire room.

[165] This is, do you, this, that is at least funny to you, right?

[166] I was like, that has to be funny.

[167] Did they, did they like that?

[168] They were kind of looking at me like, yeah, I guess that is kind of funny.

[169] And then I just, I got off stage and I went and sat down with this couple that was sitting in the front row at their table.

[170] And I was like, what is happening?

[171] Like I, how is it, you guys, collectively are baffled by me. And once I started talking to this couple in the front row, I think there was a collective response of like, yeah, this is funny.

[172] This isn't going well.

[173] And we were just all sitting in that moment talking about where I was like, what do you think?

[174] Do you want more energy?

[175] Do you wish I was more vulgar?

[176] And we were just kind of having this open.

[177] discussion within the...

[178] It became like a town hall meeting about your comedy.

[179] And I was sitting at the table with somebody.

[180] I just abandoned the stage and I was just like, what can we do to make this better?

[181] Because I am not...

[182] Like a focus group.

[183] Yeah.

[184] I was like, I'm not what you're looking for.

[185] This is fantastic.

[186] And so by, after a certain point, everybody kind of turned the ship around and they were on my side and then I went back on stage and then I started performing again and I somehow made sense to them and I was able to leave the show with some dignity but I think that I just have that feeling of it's really not a big deal whatever happens because they do feel like everything's ultimately okay I don't think you could have done that if it was your first night up there this took this is the fact that you knew yourself you knew you had something to offer and you were getting a completely different reading that enabled you to go down and say like let's talk about this yeah but there's also i have it on film this very early in my first year of standoff i was doing an open mic at a coffee shop and my friend derrick had come to videotape me i think probably because i had told him that i would was making some progress and things are going well with my material.

[187] And so he came down and he was filming me. And nobody was laughing except Derek in this high -pitch, hysterical fit of laughter because nobody was laughing.

[188] And that was the first time I experienced that moment of like, this is hilarious.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Nobody.

[191] Nobody thinks what I'm saying is funny.

[192] And it amused me. And on stage, I just, I started genuinely laughing because, and I felt, I felt comfortable in it.

[193] But it, again, I'm not anti -comedy.

[194] Like, I'm not, right, I don't want to make people miserable, but I do think some people think some things I do can be considered anti -comedy.

[195] But I'm not, but I don't want to make people miserable.

[196] But I do think some things I do can be considered anti -comedy.

[197] But I, but I don't.

[198] I really, I want people to laugh.

[199] I want people to have a good time.

[200] Right.

[201] You want to be an entertainer, not a performance artist who alienates the crowd or, you know.

[202] But I do know that there are times when I have alienated crowds.

[203] And they're like, don't think it's funny.

[204] Not for me. And I don't blame them one bit.

[205] My goal is to make everybody laugh.

[206] And I have to say, I think it's, odd that you feel like you don't, that you're, whatever you said about, I don't know, did you say a clown suit for yourself?

[207] To me. No one ever said clown.

[208] You just said that.

[209] That was cruel.

[210] I think I did say.

[211] To me, that's, whatever that is about your personality, you have the epitome of the off -kilter delivery and way and sensibility that it's like I want to I want to play with that that's cool I do I just will admit being 100 % honest I always I always want people to be happy when they leave and I want the show to be funny and I don't want to let anybody down and so and my wife is always or anyone who's with me is always commenting on when I'm out in the world I will go entertain other tables in a restaurant.

[212] And that's where I think the word.

[213] Yes, that's where the neediness comes in.

[214] We are different.

[215] I don't see you doing that.

[216] I'm just as happy making a table full of people at a restaurant, at an Italian restaurant, laugh really hard as I am if it's happening on my show.

[217] And that baffles my children and my wife.

[218] They don't understand.

[219] Well, where I confuse my wife is when I get acting jobs or anywhere I'm working, I love connecting with people and like finding my buddies and having a good time.

[220] And that's like solely the reason why I take jobs is if it sounds fun, I would go, oh, I want to go do that or be around that person.

[221] And Stephanie laughs at me. I mean, I'm the person that's solely there to make friends.

[222] And I'm not there to forward my career in any way.

[223] I'm not there to do anything.

[224] And I call her from set and I'm like, oh, my gosh.

[225] I had the best time with Matt Goreley.

[226] We were doing this bit where he was...

[227] You lost me at I had the best time with Matt Gourley.

[228] Hey, take it easy, clown dick.

[229] He was the closest to me. I don't feel that with Matt, of course.

[230] But I, but yeah, when I'm on sets, I'm like, I cannot wait to have the best time in my life.

[231] And she's like, oh, my God, I cannot believe what a nerd you are out there making friends.

[232] Sometimes I feel the need to play up that my day was harder than it actually was when I come home.

[233] I can't hide it.

[234] Because I, you know, I want my wife who, you know, she's really.

[235] working really hard on her projects and she's also working hard doing so much work with the kids and then I come home and sometimes I put a little English on the ball and I'd be like oh no you know we had to do the show and then we had this podcast I was like well no you one of your favorite people take came over and you just talked about comedy talked about your clown suit my clown suit yeah exactly it's a very good sound by the way it's my clown horn that's can you do that again no please had one in me Jesus.

[236] That's fantastic.

[237] You are a very needy performer.

[238] See?

[239] Look at that.

[240] She has no, I'm telling you now, she has no device that TIG is making that noise, and that reveals you to be, you're going to be playing Vegas in two years.

[241] Sometimes I close my shows with the clown horn for 20 minutes.

[242] And then I make fun of grown men that are like, do it again, do it one more time.

[243] I'm like, sir, all right.

[244] And then we just, we laugh.

[245] I love it.

[246] I'm just delighted by it the same amount every time, which seems strange.

[247] That seems a sign of low intelligence on my part.

[248] Let me hear it one more time.

[249] That's good.

[250] That's not bad, right?

[251] No. That was bad.

[252] That one was.

[253] You're getting worse.

[254] It's getting worse.

[255] I have to hear you do it.

[256] Let's take a break and then not go to commercial.

[257] It's time for commercial.

[258] No, no, no, no. I still have things that I want to tag you know I'm going to go.

[259] Can you know Matt and I went and saw Journey and Def Leopard together?

[260] We did.

[261] Why?

[262] What do you mean why?

[263] Because it's there.

[264] Because do you take sugar one lump or two?

[265] My favorite line in a rock and roll song.

[266] You know what my favorite line is?

[267] Bachman Turner Overdrive.

[268] BTO.

[269] BTO says you can, you know, you can get a, of guitar and you might go far, if you fall in with the right group of fellows.

[270] I love that.

[271] It's supposed to be the hardest rocking song, taking care of business, you know, and...

[272] TCB by BTO.

[273] Exactly.

[274] And then they say, you know, you can get a guitar and you might go far.

[275] If you fall in with the right bunch of fellows.

[276] What?

[277] Suddenly they became your elderly aunt who was saying, you might go far and rock a little bit.

[278] If you fall in with some nice fellows.

[279] It's just one word that completely ruins the whole song.

[280] And I'm sorry.

[281] Do you take sugar?

[282] One lump or two.

[283] Well, thank you, Joe Elliott.

[284] I'll take two.

[285] So you like it when rock and roll, hard driving, almost heavy metal rock and roll has sort of...

[286] Could also be your elderly aunt.

[287] Yes.

[288] Offering you.

[289] He looks like an...

[290] elderly aunt, too, at this point.

[291] Oh, he really does.

[292] Is this a Def Leppard?

[293] Yeah, Joe Elliott.

[294] Yeah.

[295] Take it easy.

[296] Listen, you don't want to upset me, all right?

[297] I spent a vacation once with a drummer for Def Leppard.

[298] Rick Allen?

[299] Yeah.

[300] Oh, my God.

[301] My girlfriend at the time and I, as many, many years ago, were on an island in...

[302] Rick Allen?

[303] You know it was Rick Allen.

[304] There's no other drummer for Def Leopard.

[305] Well, also, can we be Frank here?

[306] He's the one -armed drummer.

[307] Yeah.

[308] And I immediately saw him, and I was like, wow.

[309] that's the drummer for Def Leppard.

[310] Rick Allen?

[311] Yes, Rick Allen.

[312] Anyway, I got to know him and his girlfriend, I think his wife at the time.

[313] Rick Allen?

[314] Yeah.

[315] When you, this is going to give people epilepsy this episode.

[316] I spent a lot of time on that island with that guy because there was nowhere to go.

[317] Rick Allen?

[318] and got to know him and his wife really well and then you said girlfriend I think it was girlfriend or wife I don't recall well maybe they got married on the island no they didn't Rick Allen from deaf leopard the one oh god listen are you still in touch with him well no because after because afterwards afterwards I think and I have to be careful about what I say here because I want to get you know in legal trouble of some kind, but very shortly after he left.

[319] It would be amazing if you were in court against Death Leopard.

[320] Yeah, and to be on that jury.

[321] To be on that jury.

[322] Conan O 'Brien versus the Deaf Leopard drummer.

[323] Rick Allen.

[324] Yes, I know.

[325] I'm not going to say it.

[326] So, we spent a long time on this island.

[327] And then, so I sort of got to know both of them more than I thought I wanted to, or I'll be honest, more than I wanted to.

[328] And then, weeks after leaving the island, reading the paper that he dragged her through like an airport by the hair.

[329] Oh, no. And it was, was it then?

[330] That was his wife.

[331] And this was just after getting to know them.

[332] So I decided not to get to know him better.

[333] Oh, yeah.

[334] That's not what you were looking for in a friend.

[335] You know, a guy who's decisive.

[336] He did that, but he has one arm and he was doing that.

[337] That's, I'll cut that, but that's just, oh, man. What?

[338] Can you keep that in?

[339] No, you're saying, I'll cut that?

[340] Why would you cut that?

[341] Just the image of like that kind of abuse, but the fact that he's Doing that with one arm also is such a strange vision.

[342] Yeah, yeah.

[343] Well, we're on Rocky Shoals, I'll be honest.

[344] We're talking about domestic abuse.

[345] And laughing about it.

[346] Well, I'm not laughing.

[347] Sona's laughing.

[348] You're smiling really big.

[349] No, that's not a smile.

[350] That's gas.

[351] I take domestic abuse very seriously, be it with...

[352] Have we come back from the cut?

[353] We didn't.

[354] We didn't.

[355] I don't even know what's being cut here anymore.

[356] All right, here we go.

[357] We don't have the money to cut these things.

[358] And you're on.

[359] Yep.

[360] We're going to take a quick break.

[361] We may not come back.

[362] I'm not sure, but we'll be back very soon.

[363] Or will we?

[364] Here we go.

[365] With the break.

[366] Teg, we're back.

[367] Hi.

[368] How's it going?

[369] Good.

[370] So much to talk about.

[371] What I do is I'm a bit of a zealig.

[372] I click into the energy of the person I'm with.

[373] And I kind of match it.

[374] So when Gallagher was here on the podcast, cast and he was smashing things.

[375] I was very hyper -kinetic when Carrotop was here.

[376] I was all over the place.

[377] When Howie Mandel, he's been here for six episodes in a row.

[378] I was, you know.

[379] Uninvited.

[380] Exactly.

[381] He just, we actually put a door in so Howie can't get in.

[382] And we sprayed the place with germs because he's a germaphobe.

[383] But I match their energies, but today I'm matching your energy and I find, do you think that I'm matching TIG a little bit.

[384] Yeah, I've noticed that.

[385] You're really chill.

[386] I'm really chill.

[387] Have I bummed you out?

[388] You haven't at all.

[389] No, no, you haven't bummed me out.

[390] I just don't want to look like a fool by having my energy go up high, like any great jazz musician.

[391] And I am a great jazz musician.

[392] I like to find the energy of my partner in jazz, and then See, we just made that happen together.

[393] That's TIG, and then I come in.

[394] Is this an instrument or your human voice instrument that you're doing?

[395] That's just my voice.

[396] That's me scatting.

[397] Oh, right, right, right.

[398] Hellifitz -Gerald, scatting.

[399] Yeah.

[400] I am an incredible...

[401] It's happening.

[402] Person.

[403] I'm an incredible person.

[404] I'm a historic figure.

[405] And I think that I am matching your energy right now.

[406] And like I said, you are very self -contained.

[407] I'm going to tell a story about Tig.

[408] Not long ago, I went on a tour.

[409] And before I went on the tour to do some comedy stylings, I wanted to try out my material in front of nice audiences.

[410] TIG very kindly invited me to come into her show, the show that you do at Largo.

[411] Every month.

[412] Every month.

[413] And so I said...

[414] I'm down there making clown horned noises.

[415] And then the crowd standing ovation, and then they all file out just like, wow.

[416] Yeah, that was incredible.

[417] She did it again.

[418] You invited me to come along.

[419] I was backstage waiting to go on, and you opened the show.

[420] you don't even go out on stage.

[421] This is how cool a customer, and no one says that anymore, but they should.

[422] This is how cool a customer, TIG is.

[423] You're backstage with a mic, and you open the whole show, and you're not even on stage.

[424] They can't see you, and you're just talking, and you were destroying.

[425] And I thought, you actually never really have to go out there.

[426] You could have just stayed backstage the whole time.

[427] That was like a magic trick.

[428] Thank you.

[429] I started doing it.

[430] a couple years ago.

[431] But I like to have only one performer before me. After I got married and had kids, and I just was kind of winding down the hanging out in comedy clubs every night.

[432] I wanted to start really utilizing my time on stage at Largo.

[433] So I just have one opener that does anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes.

[434] And then I get to it, get off stage.

[435] Get home by 9.

[436] Brush my teeth.

[437] Right.

[438] You want to spend more time...

[439] Wash my face.

[440] You want to spend...

[441] Getting bad.

[442] You should brush your teeth after you, wash your face.

[443] Why?

[444] I don't like the order.

[445] See, I like to brush my teeth, and then if I get toothpaste on my face, I can wash it right off.

[446] You just wipe it off with the towel really quickly.

[447] All right, I'll try that tonight.

[448] You wash your face first.

[449] It opens the pores.

[450] It's calming, and then you brush the teeth.

[451] And your pajamas should already be on by that point.

[452] that's the first step.

[453] Okay, my nightgown.

[454] Nightgown?

[455] I know.

[456] You didn't picture it.

[457] No, I didn't.

[458] I pictured you in pajamas.

[459] No, I wear a long nightgown.

[460] One that I have to lift up slightly so I don't trip on it.

[461] Do you also wear a nightcap?

[462] I don't.

[463] You think I do, but I lift my little nightgown a little, and then I walk over, I blow the candle out.

[464] And then I have to walk back across the room in darkness and hope I don't trip over the cat I'm going to get in bed.

[465] Have you ever heard a noise in the night, lit the candle, and with your nightgown, and if you'll permit me the image, your night cap, and gone looking through the house.

[466] Of course.

[467] And gone down a long staircase.

[468] And found a rogue mouse with a piece of cheese and scolded it.

[469] Yes.

[470] And then gone back up to your bed.

[471] I would just, thank you.

[472] I just wanted to picture that.

[473] I don't want to get in trouble for this, but my wife's father, a lovely man, wears a Dickensian nightcap when he goes to sleep.

[474] And I've seen him come out of the bedroom when he, to investigate a noise or to use the restroom, and he's wearing a nightcap that, that, that, that, that, I'm having a great time.

[475] He's wearing a nightcap.

[476] That's what you're looking for in a podcast.

[477] Yeah.

[478] Someone to say that.

[479] Yeah.

[480] But he's wearing a nightcap that that Scrooge wears when the ghosts come.

[481] Did you just check that off on your list of things to ask or tell me?

[482] No, I wrote Scrooge.

[483] I don't even know why I wrote Scrooge.

[484] I just wrote Scrooge.

[485] But yes, and I don't want to sell him out.

[486] because he's a lovely guy.

[487] Yeah.

[488] I really, oh, God, but he does.

[489] He wears a nightcap and people need to know it.

[490] And I needed to get that out there.

[491] Well, hopefully nobody listens to this podcast.

[492] He listens to this podcast.

[493] He's your one subscriber.

[494] He is the one guy listening.

[495] Yeah, I don't.

[496] Right now, out of shame, he's pulling the nightcap over his eyes and over his face and hiding over his whole body It's in now a body condom Yeah I don't really wear a nightgown I didn't think you did Yeah I've been doing a bit on stage lately Where when I get to the part of me in bed I mentioned that I'm in a nightgown And I feel the audience A little confused And then I have to let them know that it's okay I know I know what they're feeling You let them know that you understand There's a disconnect Yeah I don't really wear a nightgown And then there's a...

[497] I'm disappointed, to be honest.

[498] You're disappointed?

[499] Well, Gourley, you're a very...

[500] Weird man. You want us all in nightgowns all the time.

[501] Yeah, I would like that.

[502] I think you'd do well to picture everyone in a nightgown, you know?

[503] You're a creep.

[504] Just through and through.

[505] Not a creep.

[506] You kind of are.

[507] You get a creepy side, too.

[508] And I'm going to crack it at some point.

[509] Bring it out.

[510] Let me ask you, you had this huge...

[511] You and Stephanie have these children.

[512] Are you talking to me or Matt?

[513] I was looking at Matt but talking to you.

[514] That's my interviewing style.

[515] Okay.

[516] So I was like, wow, this is interesting.

[517] I find that I get more honest answers out of people.

[518] Right now, I'm not looking at TIG.

[519] I'm looking away from TIG, but I'm talking to TIG.

[520] And I'm curious, you and Stephanie have these two children.

[521] Yeah.

[522] We do.

[523] Matt.

[524] No, Matt.

[525] I'm not talking to you.

[526] I'm just looking at you as I talk to you.

[527] Okay.

[528] Is this something where when you talk about them in your comedy, Do you ever feel guilty?

[529] I get this hitch now when I talk about people.

[530] If I have an idea about my kids or something, I get this little hitch.

[531] Like, can I talk about that?

[532] Can I talk about my kids?

[533] Or do you just go for it?

[534] It's a new thing that I'm thinking about.

[535] Because I didn't think about it at all.

[536] I just looked at everything as, well, yeah, if it happens, I'll talk about it.

[537] And my parents didn't edit me. And I would share certain stuff on stage that my mother used to move the air from one cheek to the other back to the other if she was uncomfortable with something and I would say you're uncomfortable with what I just said and she'd like, no I'm not and then she'd move the air back and forth cheek to cheek and it's like you're moving air from and she's like oh yeah I guess I'm a little uncomfortable but she didn't want to ever edit me and I think being raised that way of like do what you want think what you want say what you want I just kind of did it We've both known comedians that I've had over the year As many comics come on And they'll just tear apart their kids It's almost like a school of comedy My kids are so stupid They're dicks I wish they'd die Wouldn't it be great if kids died And you're, you know And then afterwards sometimes I'll see them go out in the hallway And their kids are there They're like, how was it?

[538] And the kids are like, it was good And I just, I think wow, you know even when the material is really solid, I question that.

[539] I question, how can you, how do you separate that?

[540] How are you able to, you know what I mean?

[541] My material is nothing like that.

[542] I don't know if you're familiar with me, but I, I've seen you do a lot of stuff like, yeah, fuck them and stupid Italians.

[543] I mean, it's very, you know what I mean?

[544] You have a whole chunks that are just like, stupid Italians.

[545] And look at those fat kids.

[546] I see some fat kids.

[547] And then you, you know, that whole time in your career, you're just going, yeah, fat people, what's the deal?

[548] Well, speaking of fat people.

[549] Here she goes again with one of her patented cruel routines.

[550] My son, and here I am, sharing information, but we have an opair from Scotland, and he is just this remarkable man. He's so beyond his years.

[551] He's 26.

[552] He's a triathlet.

[553] he's vegan he's he's a thoughtful person he's writing a book he's just he's so wonderful and he walked out of the room the other day and my son max said there goes big old fat andy and Stephanie and I were like first of all he he's he's a triathlete he's a triathlete And second of all, nobody in our house has ever, ever said anything like that about anyone.

[554] Yeah.

[555] And truly, where did he get that?

[556] Right.

[557] And then Andy was going to the gym the other night, and Max was like, stinky Andy.

[558] Where is this coming from?

[559] Wow.

[560] Yeah.

[561] Don Rickles passed.

[562] His spirit must have gone somewhere, probably around this.

[563] I think he passed away sometime around the time that your children were born.

[564] So there you go.

[565] Was that an example of like, should I be sharing that about?

[566] That's harmless.

[567] Yeah.

[568] I feel like everything that I've shared about my kids is pretty harmless.

[569] Yeah.

[570] But I still do feel I don't want to embarrass them.

[571] I want them to think I'm cool.

[572] Actually, the first time in my life, I really cared about what someone thinks about me is Stephanie and my kids.

[573] Yeah.

[574] That's appropriate.

[575] But it's something unfamiliar to me. I, of course, want people to like me, but not to this level of, I really care.

[576] I really care.

[577] And I'm amused that I'm in this situation where I care that much.

[578] I've been on the new Star Trek series.

[579] I know.

[580] And so I tell the boys that I work on a spaceship.

[581] a space rocket.

[582] And so that's what they think I do.

[583] You are, and I've told you this, you are the last person in the world I would thought would be, would have picked to be in a sci -fi action series.

[584] I didn't pick it.

[585] I didn't pick to be in that.

[586] They picked you.

[587] They picked me. That's, it's, it's, uh, have you seen a picture of me in my suit?

[588] Yes, I have.

[589] It, it makes sense when you see me in my suit.

[590] Yes, but.

[591] I feel like that is true.

[592] I didn't, I didn't see this coming.

[593] I didn't think it made sense.

[594] I thought that...

[595] I think it'd be great if this was your plan all along.

[596] To end up on Star Trek.

[597] I'm going to do this particular act that I do and I'm going to get this following and then I'm going to get a conventional Star Trek series.

[598] My comedy has sent me to outer space.

[599] I don't know if that's good or bad.

[600] Those are the best things when you just don't know.

[601] I've had many things in my career, you know, Nobel Peace Prize and various accolades and awards that I didn't see coming.

[602] Sure.

[603] A lot of my career has been a mystery to me and I think to many people around me. Okay.

[604] You okay?

[605] What's the matter with you?

[606] Nothing.

[607] You looked at me like you wanted me to say something.

[608] I wanted approval.

[609] I was just like, okay.

[610] I wanted approval for you.

[611] Well, you have to.

[612] There, you're back.

[613] You just needed to take a break from the clown horn.

[614] Okay.

[615] Do you think you could ever play Vegas?

[616] I love the idea of you in a room at Vegas, having a residency.

[617] Have you played Vegas?

[618] I have, and I actually have a story on my HBO special about my Vegas experience.

[619] Okay.

[620] What happened was I was opening for a comedian.

[621] It wasn't going great.

[622] And in between the early and late show, I just stayed in the venue in a back corner table.

[623] and my agent called me and said, hey, the venue was thinking it was kind of weird that you just hang out at that.

[624] What a sad phone call.

[625] Yeah.

[626] And asked if you could please leave between the early and late show.

[627] And I was like, oh, how embarrassing.

[628] So on top of not doing well, while I was doing the shows, They've made a call to ask me to please stop hanging out between shows.

[629] They want you out of the theater.

[630] Yeah.

[631] And so there was an ice cream shop.

[632] So I would go have an ice cream between the early and late show and sit in the ice cream shop.

[633] I spend my time there and then go back and do the late show.

[634] And after each show, you were expected to hang out and shake hands with the audience.

[635] And so I would do that.

[636] and one night I went back to my hotel room oh also the end of the week it was the end of the week and I had gone to get paid by the guy that had booked me and he wrote me a check and then I left and went back to my hotel room and I hung out in my room checked my email whatever and then I went in to brush my teeth and wash my face in that order.

[637] I hope so.

[638] And when I looked at myself in the mirror, I had a chocolate ice cream mustache.

[639] And I was, I could not believe what I was seeing.

[640] It wasn't like, it wasn't subtle.

[641] And so I was like, oh my God, oh my God, no. And then I started laughing hysterically because I realized I had, had done an entire show with an ice cream mustache and shook hands with people and then went and sat and got paid by the guy that had asked me to please go find something else to do as I sat there waiting for him to write me the check and and then sat in my hotel room just checking emails with a chocolate mustache for like an hour.

[642] so you're saying so you're saying so Vegas so not no more Vegas for you Vegas has not it's I don't think it's my place right you know I it's very yeah I don't think it's just a strange experience I've had really good experiences there but I've also felt like why am I here it can feel kind of antiseptic like it's not a real thing happening right you know what I mean that but but yeah I also find the the fact that everyone there is doing something that I actively loathe, which is gambling, I just don't care about gambling.

[643] Everybody is in love, everyone goes there to gamble.

[644] Right.

[645] I mean, Sony, you've gone to Vegas.

[646] I love Vegas.

[647] You love Vegas.

[648] I do.

[649] I'm sorry.

[650] I love.

[651] Don't be sorry.

[652] I really, I've never not had fun in Vegas.

[653] I've always had a really great time.

[654] I went to see Cher with my mom and my best friend and her mom.

[655] That sounds fun.

[656] And we had the best weekend.

[657] But even nights where I would, I mean, I would go there.

[658] I would do U -turns with.

[659] my friends that was fun and then what is you turn i'm glad you asked wanted you explain because uh you've done quite a lot of u turns in your day i haven't done quite i've done like a few it's when you drive out to Vegas you don't have a hotel room you just party all night and then go to denny's and then drive back the next morning and it's uh it's a you turn yeah that is horrendous yeah no this is something sona did but she she was very very young at the time it was about two years ago.

[660] Do you, are you one of the people walking around with a big plastic drink?

[661] No, no. But I am one of those people who is, you know, going to, I used to be when I would go to the clubs and bars and stuff and then just party all night.

[662] It was fun.

[663] Did you used to change out of your evening dress in the parking lot?

[664] Into a nightgown?

[665] In the car.

[666] Into a nightgown.

[667] Are you a big drinker?

[668] I used to be a, you know, I used to.

[669] party.

[670] Sure.

[671] I feel like that's what that is.

[672] I'm not a big drinker.

[673] So to me, it's like all night and then Denny's and drive home.

[674] I don't understand.

[675] It sounds like a punishment.

[676] Yeah.

[677] It sounds like you have stolen army secrets.

[678] We could send you to Guantanamo or we could make you go to Vegas, stay up all night and then do a change in the parking lot, go to Denny's and drive home.

[679] I don't know which one I would take.

[680] I presented an award at the Grammys one year, and they gave me a package.

[681] And it was a weekend in Vegas.

[682] And Stephanie and I went in the early days of our relationship.

[683] We got a penthouse there, and it looked like Motley Crew had been partying and having sex in there for a decade, and then they handed it over to us.

[684] It was so, like, so gross.

[685] And we got, we had to, we got tickets to free shows.

[686] And it was the Jackson's without Michael.

[687] It was meatloaf with meatloaf.

[688] And it'd be great if it was meatloaf without meatloaf.

[689] It was, I was lying in bed in our, hotel room thoroughly grossed out, really struggling with some germ issues of mine.

[690] And I didn't want to reveal to Stephanie that I was so lame, but I wanted to go home.

[691] And I just wanted to lie in bed in my clothes and not brush my teeth and wash my face in that order and just go to bed.

[692] And I said, hey, do you think tomorrow after our House of Blues brunch, we could just head back to.

[693] to Vegas, and she was like, oh, yeah.

[694] And I thought she was going to be like, no, I want to stay for the ridiculous, low rent Vegas weekend.

[695] The Grammy's gifted us.

[696] But she was like, no, let's head back.

[697] And I was like, really?

[698] I was like, what if we just left now?

[699] What if we did?

[700] And she's like, yeah, that sounds good, too.

[701] It was like.

[702] So you married the right person?

[703] Yeah.

[704] Yeah.

[705] But I want to have a good time in Vegas.

[706] Yeah.

[707] And I'm hoping whoever hears this will gift us a nice time in Vegas.

[708] Yeah.

[709] I feel like we're about to take a break.

[710] We're not going to take a break.

[711] What we're going to do is we're going to talk about the Civil War.

[712] Oh.

[713] You prepared for this, right?

[714] Yeah.

[715] You were told.

[716] Well, I used to draw Civil War portraits as a child.

[717] Is that true?

[718] Yeah.

[719] I just said Civil War at random.

[720] No. This is my talent.

[721] My talent.

[722] Thank you.

[723] I was obsessed with the Civil War portraits when I was nine.

[724] Like a little girl, like most little girls.

[725] So instead of, that's what little girls do is they draw iconic Civil War generals.

[726] Who did you draw?

[727] Anybody and everybody.

[728] I just loved the big mustache and I just loved how intense and seriously were.

[729] I was just, you know, I also carried a briefcase full of Star Wars action figures.

[730] What?

[731] Yeah, you heard me. Yeah, I heard you.

[732] No, I heard you.

[733] So you drew, this is a nine -year -old girl drawing Long Street Grant Lee Mead Burnside Brainside Brains Hallock you know drawing these Civil War Generals and portraits and then carrying around a briefcase filled with Star Wars action so you're Boba Fett Sure You're half north No no Dripth Dripth No. Gloop.

[734] No. But the other ones.

[735] Sarth Biff.

[736] No. Farth, Dath.

[737] No. It's such a popular thing.

[738] It's actually hard to make up wrong ones, but I'm doing it consistently.

[739] Well, people always tell me my name sounds like a Star Wars character.

[740] It does.

[741] It does.

[742] Yeah.

[743] Take Natarro's leading the rebellion.

[744] Meanwhile, I'm in Star Trek.

[745] Yeah, and you're in Star Trek.

[746] Can I ask you something?

[747] Was it like a businessman's briefcase or that character?

[748] case that they made that was a briefcase.

[749] It was a businessman.

[750] It was my stepfathers.

[751] He was getting rid of his briefcase.

[752] And I was like, wait, you're getting rid of that?

[753] I got Star Wars business today.

[754] Can I have that?

[755] And so I carried my pencils and notebook paper for class, but also my Star Wars action figures.

[756] And I thought it was the greatest thing.

[757] I sat down at my desk and open it up.

[758] And I can't even imagine what my teacher is.

[759] I know I'm not your soul.

[760] soulmate, but you're my soulmate.

[761] No, I think you might be my soulmate.

[762] Maybe, yeah.

[763] Wait, were you also into the Civil War?

[764] Yeah.

[765] Well, I have drawn Civil War stuff, but I was like a World War II guy more.

[766] That's hilarious.

[767] Yeah.

[768] Can we do a podcast called Soulmates?

[769] Oh, let's do it.

[770] I mean, there's probably...

[771] How about right now?

[772] Yeah, let's do it.

[773] You're listening to Soulmates with Tigg and Matt.

[774] So which did you...

[775] Okay.

[776] I was a hot, hot, ha, nice.

[777] Sorry.

[778] It's okay.

[779] Oh, my gosh.

[780] Our wives are not.

[781] They're not going to want to hear this.

[782] No, they're not.

[783] They've already got issues, I think, yeah.

[784] I feel a responsibility to get this thing back under control.

[785] This is wildly off track.

[786] I feel it's drifted.

[787] It's become unprofessional.

[788] And I'm, this is my podcast.

[789] Yeah, I understand.

[790] Yeah.

[791] We're going to get started in a second.

[792] I'm turning this into my own podcast.

[793] Very nice.

[794] Do you camp?

[795] Yes.

[796] I'm a very good.

[797] good camper.

[798] Are you?

[799] No, I'm not.

[800] Good camper.

[801] I'm a good camper.

[802] Anyone who says I'm a very good camper has never gone camping.

[803] So, no, I'm not a good camper.

[804] We're happy campers.

[805] That's what an elderly aunt would also say to go back to your elderly aunt.

[806] And if you get a guitar, you just might go far if you fall in with the right group of fellows.

[807] Rick Allen?

[808] All right.

[809] Okay.

[810] I'm closing it down.

[811] TIG.

[812] Wait, this is the end.

[813] Yeah, I'm stopping this.

[814] I'm stopping this.

[815] You can't stop this.

[816] Yes, I can.

[817] The momentum that we have picked up.

[818] You want to stop me. You have that intense Tom Cruise stare that says, I want to stop this, but I have to stop it.

[819] I want to thank you for being here.

[820] I know you have a family.

[821] I don't have anything.

[822] What?

[823] All I have is this podcast.

[824] The pressure on me to not end it then is incredible.

[825] If this is all you have, then when I stop this podcast, it's literally ending your life.

[826] My life will go on, but this is what has.

[827] brought me joy.

[828] This was what everything was leading up to.

[829] It was this podcast.

[830] Well, it's over.

[831] The best part of your life is done.

[832] Thank you.

[833] Tignitaro, it's been an honor.

[834] It's been a pleasure.

[835] And I .U?

[836] What do you mean I .U?

[837] That doesn't really hook up.

[838] And us?

[839] Okay.

[840] Thank you so much.

[841] I'm a fan.

[842] Guys, I hate to interrupt, but I have to go.

[843] I've noticed a bit of a phenomenon that I wanted to talk about.

[844] I might need the help of Adam Sacks to jump in here.

[845] Adam, how are you?

[846] Good, thanks.

[847] How are you coming?

[848] I'm good.

[849] Adam's one of the incredible brains behind our podcast, and it's good to have you here, Adam.

[850] Adam, I've mentioned this to you, and I think you've noticed it as well.

[851] We'll have these comedy guests come in, like a Tignataro, or most recently, Pat and Oswald.

[852] And they see me, they come into the room.

[853] we are about to like shake hands or hug hey patten hey conan you know hey tig it's really good to see it's really good and just as that's about to happen you say hi and they look over at you and you say matt goarly we work together on thubbidub some other podcast that you did yeah thubbidup seriously you can give me some of the names of the podcast what are they uh matt's podcast yeah so he's got super ego uh -huh he's got james bonding uh -huh i was there too yeah i was there too yeah another one where he talks about people who had had small parts in big movies.

[854] Yeah.

[855] So, I mean, the fact that you're continuing to list them is just...

[856] Oh, there's more.

[857] There's one about the Friday movies.

[858] No, Jason Voorhees.

[859] Jason Voorhees.

[860] I think it was the next Friday.

[861] Anyway, I'm trying to establish this connection so we can have this podcast and people come in the room and then they see you and you go like, oh, yeah, you know, I know you from, you know, Fridays, Mondays, or, you know, the chili beef stew podcast where we talk about chili beef stew and they're like, oh, right, right, right.

[862] And you're like, yeah, remember the time that, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[863] And I'm standing there, you know, with my dick in my hands because I'm thinking, you know, what am I supposed to say here?

[864] I don't know what you guys are talking about.

[865] And suddenly this vital connection that I need to have with the Pat and Oswald Artegnaudera, one of these comedy luminaries is busted irrevocably because they're there and you're taking them down this winding path about, remember on, Hat Flap?

[866] No. On Hat Flap, where we take flapjacks and we put them in hats and we talk about it on the podcast.

[867] That's a good idea.

[868] Yeah?

[869] Pistol Shrimps, he does, and that's a really one too.

[870] Pistol Shrimps, what is it?

[871] Pistol Shrimps Radio.

[872] What's Pistol Shrimps Radio?

[873] It's where my friend Mark McConville and I do play -by -play of women's Rec League basketball, but I don't know anything about sports.

[874] Right.

[875] Okay.

[876] These complete, you know, club bubble.

[877] Remember when we, I was on Club Bubble and you came on it, and we pretended to be aliens that go back in time and fix people's teeth.

[878] with the bonding method.

[879] Another good idea.

[880] Yeah, I mean, this is, these are infinite.

[881] You were involved in an infinite number of podcasts.

[882] What is that all about?

[883] I don't know.

[884] That's a good question.

[885] And I will say, you're quite famous to these people.

[886] I didn't realize, I didn't realize I was working with someone who, I think, is clear, makes most of the podcasts in America and is in them.

[887] Every time, and I'm always like, oh, my God.

[888] I'm always looking back at you, Adam, because it's always a 10 -minute conversation before we can put our headsets on because he's always saying like, yep, yep.

[889] Oh, and I also worked with you, Patton.

[890] No, no. Let me defend myself.

[891] Llamina, homina domina.

[892] What's that?

[893] Well, that's the one where we pretend that we're in the Senate in 1850, but really, we're cookies made out of chocolate.

[894] No, cut that part.

[895] In Matt's defense, David Sedaris was a big super ego fan.

[896] Yeah, and I'm never schmoozing with this people.

[897] They look at me like, where do I know you?

[898] And I feel awkward saying, I just want to say, here's where we met.

[899] And then they start speaking about it.

[900] I don't feel right about furthering this conversation with them, and I don't want to take away from your time with them.

[901] So why is it that you're often wearing a T -shirt for the podcast?

[902] You have a T -shirt that says, remember me from Super Ego question mark?

[903] Yes, you do.

[904] And you've worn that.

[905] Remember me?

[906] You know, from Flapstibble?

[907] What's Flapstibble?

[908] Oh, Flapstibble.

[909] Oh, my God.

[910] It's such a ridiculous podcast.

[911] It's one where you old.

[912] only pretend.

[913] You remember this?

[914] It's you and Ackerman pretend that you're in a hot air balloon and that you're investigating the weather outside of Spain.

[915] Sounds pretty good.

[916] And you just improvise it.

[917] I like that.

[918] The one I'm most interested in and I would love to do with you is the Senate in the 1850s.

[919] Now, if that isn't a gold mine, come on, that would be brilliant.

[920] I'll do it only if I can take my own life at the end of the episode.

[921] That's a hook.

[922] I love it.

[923] Never been done on a podcast.

[924] It's a one and done podcast.

[925] Well, I started the this out as sort of a what the heck's going on.

[926] Yeah.

[927] But it's clear to me that you are a podcast superstar that, and I was not aware of that.

[928] And I'm realizing that maybe if you're cool with it, when guests come in from now on, you could be wearing a bag over your head.

[929] Absolutely.

[930] And then we remove the bag after the interview's over so that then they can say, hey, I know you from Ristofi.

[931] What's that?

[932] Ristofi.

[933] That's one of your best podcasts.

[934] That's where you and Middle Ditch and Schwartz dip your wrists into Toffee and then pretend that you are plow horses living during the Revolution in France.

[935] And it's a podcast that's got, it's burning up the charts.

[936] It's on the Hapjabble Network.

[937] You should check it out.

[938] You can get it wherever podcasts are sold.

[939] Have Sona and I told you about the podcast we want to do?

[940] No, what's that?

[941] Don't bring this up.

[942] Do it, do it, do it.

[943] No, no, no. Do it, do it, do it, do it.

[944] Do it, do it.

[945] Well, a listener will have a problem with a telecommunications company, like they have a problem with their Verizon bill, and we call Verizon for them and get it settled.

[946] Okay, can I tell you exactly what's...

[947] This is the worst timing for this.

[948] It is amazing that you said this.

[949] Amazing.

[950] Hold on.

[951] This is absolutely true, and you didn't know.

[952] I didn't know that you were going to say that.

[953] Yeah.

[954] I didn't know this was going to happen.

[955] That's true.

[956] I didn't know any of this.

[957] You just said the most incredible thing.

[958] Day before yesterday, I'm in my office.

[959] And I hear shouting, shouting as if an intruder has made it into the Warner Brothers building that we occupy.

[960] I already know I'm going to love Sona more because of it is trying to kill Sona and she's fending them off verbally.

[961] And I come out into the hallway to find out what's going on.

[962] And she is in a full -on battle on the phone with someone from Verizon.

[963] God bless you, Son.

[964] And it is Verizon.

[965] And it is, she is arguing because they, and I'm on stone aside with this, Verizon mistakenly dinged her credit when they shouldn't have.

[966] It was a mistake.

[967] They never notified her.

[968] She and her husband are interested in getting a home and getting a, you know, looking into a loan and she's got this ding on her credit.

[969] And she is, I listened to her.

[970] She fought this person on Verizon, then fought another person, then another person stayed on the line.

[971] And it went on for maybe an hour and 45 minutes to two hours.

[972] And she was yelling so much that I was like creeping past her, assembling my lunch on my own quietly, trying to find the stuff that I don't know where it is.

[973] She's yelling.

[974] People are closing their doors.

[975] I eventually went to another floor because I couldn't conduct the business of making a show while she was yelling.

[976] you were, I mean, you were heroic.

[977] First of all, you were fantastic.

[978] Oh, yeah, I was crushing it.

[979] You're my hero.

[980] Because they depend on you quitting.

[981] She would not quit, and she kept saying, you have the power.

[982] You acknowledge that you probably didn't call me or you never emailed me. You have my email.

[983] You never, and a person was clearly on their end saying, well, I'm sorry.

[984] They do that fake empathy thing.

[985] I can't help you.

[986] And she said, no, you can change this.

[987] You can do it.

[988] and it turned into a pitch battle but the result was that the producer Jeff Ross was hiding in his office I was hiding on a different floor good poor poor David hopping who sits next to Sona when it was all over he looked like a child who had watched his parents beat each other to death he just looked he was shaken like a shaken animal the world needs this and I tip my hat to you Sona can we use this can we use this to fix your Verizon?

[989] I think that I would be more into talking about this if I had won that dispute, but I did not win.

[990] You did not?

[991] No, no. After I had to write a letter and I included a letter, I wrote them last January, that I had already written them.

[992] So it's an ongoing thing.

[993] Do you want us to get involved?

[994] Let's do a hashtag fix Sona's credit and send it at Verizon.

[995] Yeah, I'm trying to figure out, yeah, I'm trying to figure out what the next steps are.

[996] But I send it certified mail.

[997] They get it tomorrow.

[998] No. Verizon, you're getting a letter on April 18.

[999] They're quaking in their boots.

[1000] They're quaking in their boots.

[1001] I love you.

[1002] They should be because the power to the people, you know, good for you.

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] Now, is it, let's just, as any good journalists, let's examine the possibility of the other side.

[1005] Is it possible that you're in the wrong, Sona?

[1006] It is possible.

[1007] But here's the thing.

[1008] Here's where it gets frustrating for me. It's $129 that I owe them.

[1009] What if we did this?

[1010] What if you called Verizon and tried the phone call?

[1011] Because you didn't really identify who you.

[1012] were last time.

[1013] No, I don't like doing that.

[1014] Hold on.

[1015] Hold on.

[1016] I don't like playing the Conan card.

[1017] Watch this.

[1018] You call, I'll act it out for it, because this is exactly how it's going to go.

[1019] Hello, Verizon, this is Sheila.

[1020] I'm recording your phone call because it has to be monitored.

[1021] How can I help you, please?

[1022] Yeah, hi, this is Sonam of Sessian.

[1023] May I have your information, please?

[1024] What's your number?

[1025] Okay, it's where you do, da, da, da, da.

[1026] Thank you very much.

[1027] Okay, I see your record now, Sona.

[1028] Well, how can I help you?

[1029] Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm having this little bit of a credit problem.

[1030] Well, I empathize and I'm sorry, but we can't really help you.

[1031] Uh -huh, I know.

[1032] But you see, my boss, Conan.

[1033] What?

[1034] My boss, Conan.

[1035] Conan.

[1036] Wait a minute, did you say Conan?

[1037] Yeah, my boss, he mean Conan O 'Brien?

[1038] Yeah, my boss, Co. Well, anyway, I just wanted to talk to you briefly about, Conan!

[1039] Oh, people getting on.

[1040] Hello?

[1041] Hello?

[1042] Is this someone who works for Conan O 'Brien?

[1043] of podcast fame and 25 years on the air of groundbreaking comedy?

[1044] So anytime you want to do that, be my guest.

[1045] Ryan needs a friend with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[1046] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1047] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[1048] Special thanks to Jack White for the theme song.

[1049] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1050] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and the show is engineered by Will Bechton.

[1051] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[1052] Got a question for Conan?

[1053] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1054] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1055] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1056] This has been a Team Coco production in association with earwold.