Armchair Expert Holiday Spectacular

[0] He's an armchair expert.

[1] Welcome to armchair expert.

[2] I'm Dachshepard.

[3] I'm joined by Man, like a Padman.

[4] Yep.

[5] And Wobby Wob.

[6] Say hi, Wabi.

[7] Hello.

[8] Oh.

[9] We thought we'd have Wobb get on the mic for our Christmas episode.

[10] Our Christmas special slash.

[11] Holiday special.

[12] Slash.

[13] Quanza special.

[14] Special slash end of the year roundup.

[15] That's right.

[16] Yeah.

[17] Because the New Year's knocking on our back door.

[18] There it is.

[19] Oh, oh, O 'Reilly's.

[20] Yeah.

[21] Oh, Monica, you're suffering through my O 'Reilly's bit.

[22] I just can't get enough of it.

[23] You love it.

[24] I do.

[25] So it's been a very big year for us.

[26] Huge.

[27] The biggest year.

[28] Yeah.

[29] It's been a special year.

[30] Incredibly special.

[31] We came out on Valentine's.

[32] Day.

[33] Yes.

[34] Yep, yep.

[35] Wabiwab knows all the deeds.

[36] It has been nearly a year and I think the three of us got together and we decided to do this.

[37] And in any of our wildest dreams did we think that this would be the outcome.

[38] Become what it's become.

[39] Yeah, very shocked.

[40] And very grateful to all of our arm cherries for helping it grow like this.

[41] Yeah, because not only are the armcherry's listening, but they're also, they're proselytizing on our behalf.

[42] They're converting non -arm cherries into arm cherries.

[43] They're doing what Jesus did.

[44] Didn't Jesus do that?

[45] I think it's like disciples went door to door.

[46] Oh.

[47] It was more of like a multi -level marketing.

[48] We're Jesus in this situation.

[49] Oh, I see.

[50] Okay.

[51] Well, I don't love that.

[52] Well, yeah.

[53] Me either.

[54] That kind of veers into the cult leader status.

[55] Well, I mean, I've been saying that.

[56] Yeah.

[57] You sure have.

[58] You're trying to gain traction with that.

[59] So we have a very special Christmas episode for you with lots of singing by wonderful guests.

[60] Yeah.

[61] Monica, do you have a favorite moment of this year associated with this podcast?

[62] What's your favorite episode?

[63] My favorite episode was, well, okay, look, I love Wendy.

[64] Wendy's was such a good episode.

[65] Wendy Mogul, Dr. Wendy Mogul.

[66] Yes, and Yuval as well.

[67] But Yuval, I already knew a lot of lot about.

[68] So it was an incredible episode and I wanted to keep going.

[69] But I, my favorite episode was Conan O 'Brien.

[70] Really?

[71] Yeah.

[72] Oh, wow.

[73] Sitting here in the room.

[74] It's so different for probably.

[75] It's probably a little different for what people here versus what's happening in the room, energy wise.

[76] And I just thought he was so special.

[77] Right.

[78] And had so much energy.

[79] And, tangible energy, which makes sense as to why he's him.

[80] Yes.

[81] It's not an accident.

[82] It's not an accident.

[83] And he was so engaging and thoughtful and Conan E. He was all the thing.

[84] I just, I enjoyed him very much.

[85] But also you got to probably see a side that you, because you had never heard him on stern, so you were hearing a sincere side of him that was kind of.

[86] It was new.

[87] Yeah.

[88] Yeah, I really liked him.

[89] And I liked that episode a lot.

[90] lot.

[91] Wobby Wob, do you have a favorite episode?

[92] Conan's up there too for me. I think Jason Biggs and Brooklyn.

[93] That was the funniest one for me. That's a fun one.

[94] That was a really fun one.

[95] Yeah.

[96] I think that caught me by surprise too in being that funny.

[97] I don't know.

[98] It would be way too hard for me to say a favorite because obviously my mom's is probably my favorite.

[99] Your mom's is, but I almost don't even include it because it was, that's a different tier.

[100] Yeah.

[101] It's a cheat.

[102] It's an emotional sucker punch.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Yeah, absolutely.

[105] But there were moments in many of these interviews that were particularly delightful, making David Sedaris laugh.

[106] Oh, that also, God, he was so special, too.

[107] Yeah.

[108] I kind of forgot about him.

[109] Real highlight of 2018.

[110] Meeting Ike, Baron Holtz, who we'd never even met and he made me laugh so hard.

[111] I mean, there were so many good ones.

[112] For me, my favorite moments of the whole.

[113] year easily are when we do live shows and I bring you on stage and I hear people clap for you and love you so much.

[114] That makes me feel the very happiest.

[115] As someone who's known you for five years and feels like you deserve that and much more.

[116] Thank you.

[117] It's so wonderful to witness.

[118] I get emotional every time I think about it.

[119] Yeah, the arm tears are very kind to me. Very.

[120] They love their manna cabman yeah the fact checks are um i don't i mean it sounds it sounds uh self -absorbed to say my favorite self -serving self -absorbed all of it self -aggrandizing oh yeah that's a good one all of it um but i do love doing those because we get to we get to go into our zone and do our thing and what was your favorite fact check fight oh that's a great Any question, Wabi?

[121] Fact check fight?

[122] Well, my favorite fact check is Sophia's probably.

[123] That's not just favorite fact.

[124] Sophia Bush.

[125] Not Joel McHale's.

[126] You're right.

[127] That's my favorite.

[128] Yeah, it's definitely by far the best one we've done.

[129] It's objectively the best.

[130] Take that off the table like we took your mom's episode off.

[131] Yeah, like it's so good that you can't even put it in the...

[132] It's an outlier.

[133] You've got to throw it out.

[134] That's right.

[135] It's tainting the whole batch.

[136] Should we start opening some presents?

[137] Well, first of all, the present.

[138] I got Wabi Wob is not here because it happened through the interweb.

[139] Oh, what there was, um, shipping malfunction or?

[140] No, it was, you can, it's a virtual.

[141] It was a virtual.

[142] Oh.

[143] It was a virtual, um, gift.

[144] And what was the gift?

[145] It's a gift card to Bestia, which is, uh, one of my favorite restaurants here in L .A. Oh, Monica, you're so thoughtful.

[146] Well, Wabiwob is a foodie, as we all know.

[147] And we let him direct us.

[148] I don't know if people realize what a foodie Wobby Wobb.

[149] is when we go to do a live show in another city we have an itinerary of where we are to eat yep we have a list to choose from what was your favorite well this is gonna break your heart yeah it was the the burger in New York it was the burger at emily's in Brooklyn that off the table though that's in the upper echelon yeah um that mean that's the best burger we i've ever had in my life so but actually the wabiwab sent us to mindy's hot chocolate in chicago and that was phenomenal that That was phenomenal.

[150] And then I had missed the Austin meal that you guys had that you...

[151] Uchiko?

[152] Oh, yes, with the milk balls.

[153] I forgot about that.

[154] That was great, too.

[155] You loved that.

[156] I did.

[157] Yeah, he's really steered us in the right direction, culinary -earily speaking.

[158] Yes.

[159] And he watches all the cooking shows.

[160] So he saw me on final table.

[161] It's the first time Rob's been excited to be working with us is when I was on final table.

[162] Yeah.

[163] Can we both open them at the same time?

[164] Yeah, you should because it's the same thing.

[165] Okay, because they're the same.

[166] I am a piece of shit.

[167] All this episode's going to do is expose me as not having gotten you guys anything yet.

[168] I mean, what a disaster this is for me. Beautiful wrapping paper.

[169] Monica, you must appreciate it.

[170] Monica's an expert rapper.

[171] I didn't wrap yours very good today because you said it triggers you, so I didn't do it on purpose.

[172] Well, it's almost too nice.

[173] I feel super guilty destroying it.

[174] oh my goodness this is almost like an auditory unpacking those videos that people like on youtube oh my goodness oh wow guy well we'll have to put some photographs there's a back too it is a work jacket with embroidery armchair expert and there's roman numerals on the back established an m m xv i i i i hope that's right Well, if it's not, it's funny.

[175] I think it's right.

[176] I'm sure it's right.

[177] Yeah, 10 and V is a 5 and then 3.

[178] That's 18.

[179] And that is when we were established.

[180] This is gorgeous.

[181] This is gorgeous.

[182] It's a member is only jacket.

[183] Rob.

[184] I hope you got yourself one.

[185] I got one.

[186] Okay.

[187] Oh, good.

[188] We're going to have to definitely wear this the next time we travel.

[189] All matching in the airport like we're UPS or something.

[190] Absolutely.

[191] Thanks, Wobby, Rob.

[192] I'm going to give it.

[193] That two jingles.

[194] That was great.

[195] Monica.

[196] I open the other one for a second.

[197] It's a beautiful paper.

[198] Let me just walk everyone through it.

[199] It's a white background with red, raised lettering in cursive, Merry Christmas, or Christmas Mary, depending on where you look at it.

[200] I have to imagine this was at least $12 a roll.

[201] Was it, what do you spend on your rolls of wrapping paper?

[202] Oh, a lot.

[203] A lot, right?

[204] Where do you get it from?

[205] Well, this one is from paper source.

[206] But there's a store in Venice that I'm not remembering.

[207] Specialty store in Venice that I get a lot of wrapping paper from that's...

[208] Oh, boy.

[209] I think we all know it.

[210] Oh, my goodness.

[211] It's healthy fats.

[212] P -H -A -T -S.

[213] What you might not know is Charlie Curtis, the Perfect Ten, and I love texting each other about healthy fats.

[214] Whenever we're having a meal that includes our essential healthy fats, we'd like to text each other a photograph of it and talk about two times gains or three times gains.

[215] We're obsessed with gains and healthy fats.

[216] So this year's calendar is entitled Healthy Fats and it's, oh boy, let's see.

[217] I haven't opened it, so I hope all the images look right.

[218] I get nervous.

[219] Oh, boy.

[220] Let's see what we got here.

[221] Oh, wow.

[222] Yeah, we're going to have to publish these because Charlie, he's strapped to something on a wall.

[223] There's an S &M connotation to it.

[224] I took that photo, actually.

[225] Oh, that's one of your Rob's original.

[226] Oh, my goodness.

[227] It looks like he's staring at a huge ball of fire to see if his loved ones are inside of the ballfire.

[228] He's about to go bust them out of there.

[229] That, what a smoky -eyed look.

[230] Oh, and then his back, the deltoids, the rear delts, the trapezias, the lotisical.

[231] It's all on display in this photo for March.

[232] Oh, my goodness.

[233] He's doing like a gymnastics move here where he's levitating with some rings.

[234] And the veins are popping.

[235] Really popping, yeah.

[236] Blue shirts making the eye.

[237] You know, as in love with him as I am, I don't know what color his eyes are.

[238] Oh, that's interesting.

[239] I think that's kind of a boy thing.

[240] Do you know what color people's eyes are, Rob?

[241] I really know.

[242] Yeah, it's weird.

[243] And girls seem to always know what someone's eye colors.

[244] I don't.

[245] Oh, you don't?

[246] I'm very unaware of people's eyes.

[247] Do you know what color Charlie's eyes are?

[248] No, I have no idea.

[249] Blue?

[250] I would guess blue.

[251] You'd have to assume.

[252] Yeah.

[253] He's very Aryan.

[254] He's so Aryan.

[255] Let me see you at that one where he's staring at his family burning.

[256] That was it.

[257] Black and white.

[258] Oh, they're blue as fuck.

[259] Like, we should remember that.

[260] Yeah, they're beautiful cobalt.

[261] Oh, wow.

[262] Yeah, I have that same issue.

[263] That eyes are not the feature that I'm most drawn to, which it is for a lot of people.

[264] Rob, do you have a feature that you?

[265] you fetishize?

[266] No. Okay.

[267] You're nervous to say your real answer.

[268] He has a real answer, but he's not going to say it.

[269] You can say it.

[270] Because his lovely wife, Natalie, probably listens.

[271] She might not have that feature.

[272] She hates podcasts, so she does not love that.

[273] Oh, well, that's helpful.

[274] Yeah.

[275] What if he said beards?

[276] Oh, my goodness.

[277] December is too hot for comfort.

[278] He's in a towel, and that's all he's in.

[279] And it is a micron above shaft.

[280] Yeah.

[281] I mean, you're almost to his equipment.

[282] We're almost.

[283] What an image.

[284] That's 2019.

[285] Oh, that's a beautiful calendar.

[286] Okay.

[287] There's one more gift.

[288] That gift is obligatory at this point.

[289] The gift I just gave you, the calendar.

[290] Okay.

[291] So it's not really your gift.

[292] I can count on those yearly you're saying?

[293] Yeah.

[294] Well, it's going to be a good ride then.

[295] What if Charlie gets...

[296] That would almost be better if Charlie gets out of shape.

[297] And we just keep it going.

[298] Him, like, bending over tying his shoes.

[299] You see the top of his butt crack.

[300] Yeah.

[301] And it's gotten flat somehow.

[302] Now, this is, let me just walk you through this paper.

[303] This is a full glitter red, sparkly paper.

[304] It's a very high -quality paper.

[305] There's a tag in here.

[306] Enjoy your fuckfest is the tag says, well, that's got my interest piqued.

[307] let's see here what do we what do we have okay so i see on the box it's a Ferrari box and you know how much i like Ferraris okay oh my gosh i'm so excited about the pair of keys right oh my gosh you've found a model of the Ferrari FF which is the station wagon like Ferrari that i'm obsessed with and now i have it as a model where do you Did you find this, Monica?

[308] I found it on Ferrari.

[309] Ferrari .com.

[310] It came from Ferrari, yeah.

[311] Ferrari made that.

[312] So now you have a Ferrari FF.

[313] Oh, my goodness.

[314] I have a 2011 Ferrari FF.

[315] It actually says what year it is on the plaque.

[316] It's an exact replica.

[317] Oh, this is beautiful.

[318] Oh, this is gorgeous.

[319] What a beautiful steed.

[320] You know, we've asked Monica, Rob, but we've never asked you.

[321] What is your dream car?

[322] You don't care either.

[323] You're like...

[324] I don't really care that.

[325] I would just get a Tesla.

[326] That's the option if you're rich and you don't care.

[327] Yeah.

[328] Mm -hmm.

[329] And you want to be eco -friendly and you want to have a nice car.

[330] Like Porsche's too.

[331] My best friend growing up, his dad used to race.

[332] I'd like to see you pull up here in a nice Porsche.

[333] Me too.

[334] Let's get you there.

[335] No, I say Porsche.

[336] A lot of people say Porsche.

[337] Yeah, Porsche sounds pretentious.

[338] It sounds weird, doesn't it?

[339] Like it's baby talk.

[340] Poisha.

[341] I want to push you.

[342] Well, God.

[343] Guys, again, I'm humiliated that I haven't prepared and gotten you anything yet.

[344] Well, you gave us this.

[345] Well, what I wanted to say was please take anything from this room that you want.

[346] There's little to be had in this room.

[347] I got some couple lambs.

[348] Oh, how about one of my racing trophies, Monica?

[349] Oh, wow.

[350] I've always wanted one of those used old racing trophies.

[351] Well, what you did get the other day, though, that we didn't call a present, was.

[352] an original work of art. That's right.

[353] A ball sack cowboy.

[354] One of my ball sack cowboy paintings, which now is hanging in your apartment.

[355] It's hanging.

[356] I hung it today.

[357] And how does it pair with the rest of the room?

[358] It stands out.

[359] And I love it.

[360] You don't even need to like point a light at it.

[361] It's just, it's lit from within.

[362] I had some people over on Friday and everyone asked about it.

[363] Oh, it's a conversation starter.

[364] Absolutely.

[365] Yeah.

[366] And was the overall feeling on it was it was a pretty poorly drawn?

[367] No. You always try to pretend like you're not good at drawing and you're actually very good.

[368] Okay.

[369] And it's a very good painting, actually.

[370] There's a lot of detail on the cowboy boot.

[371] The sky has like colors in it.

[372] It's not just a blue sky.

[373] It has like some white.

[374] Oh, my God.

[375] It's really good.

[376] Yeah.

[377] You're convincing me. There's some like depth, like some cactuses are far away.

[378] one cactus is directly behind it.

[379] I don't even know how you did that.

[380] I can't even imagine how you would have ever done that.

[381] It's so funny to hear you talk like that because you're so good at everything.

[382] The notion that you couldn't figure out how to put that cactus behind the penis horse.

[383] I have no idea.

[384] I was very impressed and happy to have it hanging in my home.

[385] Well, you guys are going home for Christmas.

[386] You're Atlanta -bound and Chicago -bound, and I'm staying here.

[387] And I'm going to be lonely without you guys.

[388] And I'm going to miss you.

[389] I'll miss you.

[390] And, you know, we're going to have a wonderful 2019.

[391] I feel very bullish about it.

[392] Yeah.

[393] We already have some tremendous guests lined up.

[394] Yeah.

[395] We have some tremendous experts.

[396] Yeah, 2019 is going to be really fun for the armchair gang.

[397] Lots of live shows, too.

[398] Mm -hmm.

[399] Yeah.

[400] That's right.

[401] Armchair gang.

[402] I always thought I was going to get sucked into a gang.

[403] And you did.

[404] And I did.

[405] All right.

[406] So now I invite everyone to, attend our um our first annual armchair christmas party yeah with our very special guests um monica i love you so much and rob i love you so much thank you for giving me the funnest experience i've had that i can remember other than children of course of course thank you yeah thank you love you Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

[407] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

[408] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[409] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[410] Hello, everybody.

[411] You're hearing a chorus of gales in the background.

[412] Our Christmas party is about to begin.

[413] And before we launch into the festivities, so I want to let everyone know who's in the room.

[414] First, to my immediate left, is Jackie Tone.

[415] Hello, sir.

[416] How you doing?

[417] I've been looking at your face for so many years.

[418] I know.

[419] Going on 11.

[420] A little over 11.

[421] A little over 11.

[422] And Jackie, of course, plays Melrose on Blow.

[423] It's true.

[424] That's right, right?

[425] It's true.

[426] Yeah.

[427] You just told a story about getting sexual on the show.

[428] It's a sexual show.

[429] It's a sexual show.

[430] Yeah, we're not in no details.

[431] No spoys, no spoys.

[432] Just, you know, if you're in the mood to watch some sexual content, I look no further.

[433] Look no further.

[434] Boobies everywhere.

[435] Copious, copious ariola.

[436] Wall to wall.

[437] Wall to wall areola.

[438] And have you, let's just say that we don't know what's going to happen in glow.

[439] But before we talk about that, have you ever been nude in something?

[440] I have not.

[441] You haven't.

[442] I have not.

[443] And is it something that you thought under the perfect circumstances?

[444] This is general Christmas questioning, by the way.

[445] Sure, no, no, of course, of course.

[446] And normally around my Hanukkah table at home in New York, we do talk about when we're going to be nude, if we're going to be nude, titties and the things like that.

[447] So Uncle Harvey gets involved.

[448] It's the whole thing.

[449] Wall lighting the...

[450] By the way, we have it here for you.

[451] Hey!

[452] Did you notice that?

[453] Yes, I didn't notice it.

[454] Hanukkah is over, and it looks so...

[455] And that menorah looks so beautiful.

[456] Are you allowed to light it if Hanukkah's over?

[457] Is that, like, insulting or something?

[458] You know, I don't think it's bad luck, but I don't know.

[459] And unless we Google, I wouldn't want to, just because I don't know.

[460] And you think, well, I can't imagine that there's, like, bad luck associated with it.

[461] I think we throw any sort of luck or religion out the window and say, let's just go for fucking photos.

[462] Yeah, exactly.

[463] We have to prioritize looking.

[464] Okay, but, but, but, but at least if you're going to, yeah, a lamp, please.

[465] I mean, I just think, yeah, I will do it.

[466] I just think if we're going to light the menorah, let's add it up in flames.

[467] And I can do the prayer and then we can really light the menorah.

[468] Well, guys, this is becoming a multicultural event, which I'm so happy about.

[469] I studied up on Kwanza, which weirdly, I don't know if this is traditional, but this year, Kwanza is on the 26th.

[470] I don't know if it jumps around the calendar or not, but this year it's on the 26.

[471] This year we know when to acknowledge it.

[472] I know Hanukkah jumps around for sure.

[473] Oh, it dances.

[474] First, you light the shamis, which is the tallest.

[475] candle in the middle and then you take out the shamas and you start left to right and you say Baruch atah adonai Elohenu melech haolam ashire kiddishanu bimitvotov vizivanu Lahadlik ner shell Hanukha and then you are done and then you say amen happy Hanukkah Is it sacrilegious, Jackie Tone, to say it?

[476] I just want to hear it fast once.

[477] So it's Barakata, and I, Allahe, Allaheimelah, al -hehrusha al -Qa -Shaer, Kishanu, bimitazvah, it's Ivano, Le Hadley Knair, She al -Hanaka.

[478] Mmm, mm -mm, that was tasty.

[479] And I got to be honest.

[480] A real treat.

[481] I got to be honest, in the middle of it, I start getting suspicious you're making some of the sounds out.

[482] Did anyone else feel that way?

[483] No, I believed you.

[484] But then on the repeat, the exact wrap.

[485] Replica, then you went, those were the true sound.

[486] It's like when Jess sings Pippie Lung -Sucking and Swedish, party is like, he must be bullshitting, half of it.

[487] But then on repetition, you start realizing, by God, this guy knows the song.

[488] It's incredible.

[489] By God.

[490] Okay, now to Jackie Tone's immediate left is Kristen Bell.

[491] Ever heard of her.

[492] The mom of this whole party.

[493] Welcome, hon. Thanks.

[494] Thanks for being a part of the Christmas.

[495] spectacular.

[496] Glad to be here.

[497] Glad to be the mom.

[498] And of course we have miniature mouse to your left.

[499] For you, not all that exciting.

[500] We can move on.

[501] Manika Padman.

[502] Yeah.

[503] And then a really special guest, Hannah Anderson.

[504] Now, just a two -second Reader's Digest story of how you came to be in this attic, which I think would be of interest to people, is someone recommended that I listened to the song Blood by Middle East.

[505] Great song.

[506] Wonderful song.

[507] And I went on YouTube to listen to it.

[508] Ryan Hanson Solves Crimes on television, another YouTube production that everyone should check out.

[509] But I went on there.

[510] I listened to that song.

[511] It was amazing.

[512] And then on the right, it suggests these other versions of the song.

[513] And there was yours.

[514] You had done a version in your bedroom in Houston, Texas.

[515] Yeah.

[516] And I wept.

[517] I listened to it over and over again.

[518] And I, every time, wept.

[519] And then I came home and I told Kristen, oh, my God, you have to watch this girl sing.

[520] What were you, 17?

[521] I think so.

[522] Mm -hmm.

[523] 17 or 18.

[524] Always a little dicey when you come home to your wife and tell her to check out this hot 17 -year -old singer you discovered on YouTube.

[525] But I also wept when I saw it.

[526] It was so moving and sincere and honest and lovely.

[527] There was also just something so beautiful about you being in your bedroom trying to express yourself in Houston, Texas that I found to be.

[528] be so sweet and intoxicating.

[529] So I think I may be tweeted.

[530] Everyone should watch this video.

[531] And then maybe somehow you saw that.

[532] And then we became Twitter friends.

[533] Yeah.

[534] And then fast forward to a couple years.

[535] It was like a year to fast forward.

[536] Then I'm in Hollywood.

[537] Pasadena.

[538] Pasadena for the first time, big California.

[539] And I sent you a direct message.

[540] Hi, I'm here.

[541] Do you want to meet me?

[542] Yes.

[543] And then I said, And then you should really worry.

[544] And now, yeah, exactly.

[545] She's really too, and you're here.

[546] No, I wasn't, because in the interim of those two years, Dax, I remember, had, like, somehow, did you get her parents' Twitter?

[547] Your parents don't have Twitter.

[548] Oh, yeah, my parents have Twitter.

[549] Somehow, they tweeted each other.

[550] Her parents saying, if my girls, if I have daughters that grow up, that play music in their bedroom is sincerely and honestly as yours do I'll be the happiest dad in the world.

[551] And there was, like, already a very comfortable family.

[552] It wasn't like a, there was nothing to be nervous about.

[553] Yeah.

[554] It wasn't creepy.

[555] Dax loves parents.

[556] Yes.

[557] So top tip, Jack Shepherd loves parents.

[558] I'm a parent file.

[559] So you said, I'm in Pasadena.

[560] I said, how long?

[561] You said, I don't know for how long.

[562] And I said, what are you doing here?

[563] And you said, I can't tell you why.

[564] So I immediately knew it was American Idol.

[565] And we'll bring it back to Jackie Tone for a second.

[566] So Jackie Chon, Jackie Choney's.

[567] Yeah, sure.

[568] That was your singer's name then.

[569] When I was on Idol, I did go by Jackie Chonies.

[570] Jackie Undies.

[571] Chonies are Spanish, yeah, for underpanties.

[572] Mundies, you know.

[573] You know, I would go out of your chonies.

[574] Pick up your chonies.

[575] Who left their chonies on the floor?

[576] That was me. So anyways, I got so excited.

[577] I told Kristen, oh, my God, Hannah's in Pasadena.

[578] Well, because that's the thing you say when you're on, like, when I did Idol, everyone's like, where you, and you, I would like, I sent a mass email that was like, hey, guys.

[579] going off the grid because you can't say where you're going and all your friends are like with oh we all know what it means to go do reality TV you can't talk about it so you have the biggest mouth we'd obviously all know if you were going somewhere we know it's something you can't say it's obviously idle you're dumb right everyone just says they're in Pasadena the nebulous Pasadena I'm just going to Pasadena for a couple months don't worry about it guys I'll be right in Rancho Cucumama I just said off the grid oh wow it's a big term sexy thanks guys Yeah, it's, um, it's elusive.

[580] It's mysterious.

[581] Sounds eco -friendly.

[582] Maybe you joined a sex cold.

[583] That's right.

[584] Composting everything.

[585] The way you know Jackie was on American Idol is that she just says, idle.

[586] It's like when you're in, it's like, it's like when you're in wedding crashes.

[587] It's like when you're in wedding crashes, you just say crashes.

[588] Like when we were shooting crashes.

[589] Oh, I'm going to throw up.

[590] That's, I'm so embarrassed.

[591] So when I was in, yeah, I can't even make it shorter than Idol.

[592] Very embarrassed.

[593] So now here's the sad part.

[594] of the story about five hours later literally just like that you DM me going home unhappy face which I was so sad about and I was like wait when are you going home and it just so happened to be it was right before Christmas yeah and we were about to leave to go to Oregon as we do as our tradition we were leaving the next morning so we said come to our house and you came with your two of your friends.

[595] Your buddy and his brother.

[596] And we had Lucifer's pizza and that was delicious.

[597] Thank you for calling Lucifer's pizza.

[598] Oh, I'll never forget.

[599] Or Morrow's location press 1 or our healer's location press 2.

[600] We don't need to check out.

[601] Because this is what happens.

[602] Yeah.

[603] If you'd like to vote for Hanon Idol, press 3.

[604] 1 -800, Idol's 04.

[605] Sorry, I guess.

[606] So you came over and then you.

[607] You were generous enough to play blood for us in the living room.

[608] And again, I cried.

[609] You wept like a baby.

[610] It was so funny and cute.

[611] You were beside yourself, that she was in our living room.

[612] And you kept saying, I manifested this.

[613] You did?

[614] I manifested this girl who I adore and she's in my living room.

[615] I like her parents so much.

[616] But then, so then we, okay, so that when we've become friends, that was over six years ago or something, maybe even longer.

[617] You've since moved here.

[618] Yeah.

[619] And on one occasion, you came over and Jackie came over and we had an impromptu Christmas carol singing, sing along.

[620] Yeah.

[621] We did.

[622] Now everyone's up to dead up to speed.

[623] That's right.

[624] You're working on an album right now, aren't you?

[625] I am.

[626] Yeah.

[627] Does it already have a title?

[628] It doesn't have a title yet.

[629] but I am going to go under an artist's name for the first time, which I'm very excited about.

[630] Sister is my name.

[631] Sister.

[632] Sister.

[633] And I do feel that that's slightly stronger than Jackie Chonies.

[634] I feel happy for you.

[635] I also feel a little jealous.

[636] Mostly I do feel jealous, though.

[637] You should.

[638] It's not going to play as big in the Latin territories as big as Jackie Chonies did.

[639] My Jewish fans were very confused.

[640] Sure.

[641] Well, I have five songs ready to go, so I'm going to kind of just drop those over the next.

[642] Well, I'm going to start at the end of January.

[643] Now, I do, I just.

[644] Oh, for sure.

[645] Yeah.

[646] Let's get a preview.

[647] Do like a section of one?

[648] Oh, you want me to play, like live?

[649] Like a little preview.

[650] Well, but before you do that, I just want to, I'm going to point out one thing.

[651] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[652] And that is that I do know this from experience.

[653] The point are sisters are very litigious.

[654] Yeah.

[655] I just don't want them to come after you.

[656] legally.

[657] And I don't want you to think that one of the Pointer Sisters is now solo as sister.

[658] Has broken off and his sister.

[659] That's really?

[660] Hopefully your podcast and Monica's fact check will make that abundantly clear.

[661] No stepping on the toes of the pointer sister.

[662] What's Spanish for sister?

[663] Hermana.

[664] Maybe you should go for that since you want the Latin community that you already lost.

[665] I mean, could be nice.

[666] Maybe that's the title of the album.

[667] No, the title of the album is Hermana, I'm mu y caliente.

[668] Oh, wow.

[669] If anybody at home could have seen high, squinting.

[670] That's not going to play.

[671] It's ancestral.

[672] Wait, but what about the face he made when he did it, the squinting and the small lips?

[673] That's why Monica and I both reacted.

[674] No one liked it.

[675] Do you know half of the podcast, Monica has to look that way.

[676] She's so embarrassed for me when I do voices, when I sing, anything that's kind of out of.

[677] She's just hiding under the desk.

[678] He tries to make me stare at him while he's doing it.

[679] Well, it's not fun.

[680] Thank you for calling Lacey Fis Fis Fights No, we're about to get a preview of a section of the new sister Anna.

[681] Okay.

[682] Oh my God.

[683] What a treat you guys.

[684] This song is called Fading Fest.

[685] Give me grace and give me peace for these heavy tire.

[686] Can I find some sleep?

[687] Mom and dad were all fucked up.

[688] Mom and dad were having a hard time with that.

[689] I'm clawing my chest.

[690] That fucking voice.

[691] I'm going to sound so corny, but I'm going to say it.

[692] There's so few people's voice where when you hear it, you literally think you're looking at their heart.

[693] Oh, boy.

[694] There's like...

[695] You have it when you hear sister.

[696] Mm -hmm.

[697] And weirdly the pointer sisters.

[698] Oh, thank you.

[699] Oh, my goodness.

[700] Well, with that...

[701] Thank you for sharing that.

[702] We might have to take five and just hold one another.

[703] I'd like to get your folks on the phone.

[704] Just tell them what I saw.

[705] Ask them to raise our daughters.

[706] It would be great if Anna's parents just...

[707] The Anderson's rolled up.

[708] Pick them up and then drop them back off when they were 18 and they were just, they sounded like that.

[709] Yeah.

[710] They could be the next sister.

[711] Oh, for lucky.

[712] Well, they are sisters.

[713] Yeah, that is true.

[714] I would think Lincoln and Delta would be more likely to be sued by the litigious pointer sisters because they would have to then pluralize sisters.

[715] They would also be way more.

[716] That's a good point.

[717] They are pointed.

[718] Yeah, they are pointed.

[719] Their show would be them fighting for 45 minutes.

[720] Punk rock.

[721] Yeah, and they'd be called the Pointy Sister.

[722] Oh, my God.

[723] So what is the first Christmas song that we're thinking about dipping our dongs into?

[724] Oh.

[725] And it was back on Idol.

[726] I was like, chilling with, I'm sorry.

[727] You earned the right to do that.

[728] Don't feel ashamed.

[729] No. I just didn't even know I was doing it.

[730] And then so then when like a light gets shown on it, you're like, oh, Jesus, that is.

[731] is special.

[732] Because for 10 years I've been like, Quebec and I know.

[733] Well, it's a cumbersome title.

[734] It is.

[735] There's way too many.

[736] You think I have time to say American?

[737] No. It's the damn time.

[738] It's not AI.

[739] Was there 20?

[740] AI is bad.

[741] When people call it AI, I feel for them.

[742] People do do that?

[743] 100%.

[744] And they're acting like they're on SNL, I guess.

[745] They're, they're...

[746] Hey, way less cool acronym.

[747] TGP just got picked up for a four season.

[748] It's good baby.

[749] TGP has set TGP for us.

[750] What if I shortened the ranch to just ranch?

[751] Now, that'd be the worst, because it's just the.

[752] Back when I was shooting ranch.

[753] Or if you just called it R, and no one understood, and you were like, someone's dicks.

[754] You know what I'm going to do?

[755] I'm going to sing a song in the interim while you guys figure this out.

[756] Okay.

[757] Are we sure that's a good idea?

[758] It's a good idea.

[759] Monica's already dealt with this a lot today.

[760] Oh, gosh.

[761] Here we go.

[762] I just love how he wants up down Santa Claus Lane This is what Monica can't look I'd divert my eyes Oh my eyes There's a little taste of that.

[763] That was really nice.

[764] It's easier when I look at the phone looking at him.

[765] Yeah.

[766] It's easier to have a filter.

[767] You need a layer between us.

[768] Maybe what if we got you glasses, Monica?

[769] Like, you know.

[770] Like blackout shades.

[771] Like blue blockers.

[772] I wish Elvis had done a Jewish song in Hebrew.

[773] Because think about, I don't want to disrespect you.

[774] Brochish.

[775] Yeah.

[776] Brocahism.

[777] That sound I have to come Frozen Happy Holocon That sound he makes at the beginning It's alarming He's like getting He's like getting his shit scared out of him I have to move my whole ribcage To get that sound to come out No what?

[778] That's probably why he was jerking his hips All around just to Jocel loose that sound There we go And I'll be accompanied To Huh My Oh the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful since we've no place to go let it snow let it snow let it snow Oh it doesn't show shines of stopping And I brought some corn for popping The lights are turn way down low Let it snow let it snow let it snow let it snow K .B. When we finally kiss good night, how I hate going out in the storm.

[779] But if you really hold me tight, all the way home, I'll be warm.

[780] The fire is slowly dying.

[781] Am I thee?

[782] We're still goodbye.

[783] Let it snow.

[784] What a nice icebreaker.

[785] See?

[786] Here, Hannah.

[787] Thank you.

[788] That ice is broken to all hell now.

[789] Does anyone want to tell us about their, how they got into singing?

[790] Oh, wow.

[791] I'd love to hear that.

[792] Well, we know about Jackie and Idol, but I want to know about earlier.

[793] I was like, that's not how I got into singing.

[794] Early, early.

[795] That was four, four years into singing pot.

[796] Deep cut, deep cut, deep cut.

[797] I got into singing because my dad is a singer -songwriter, and I sing songs around the piano with my dad as early.

[798] as, I was going to say age five, but there's videos of me at three.

[799] I was in summer camp because my parents worked there.

[800] And so it was like this family thing, the five of us, me, my parents, my two brothers would go to camp.

[801] And there was a video of me at three years old singing the greatest love of all as a duet with like one of the other kids whose parents worked there.

[802] She was also like three or four.

[803] And we're singing the greatest love of all.

[804] And at the beginning, like our four, my two hands and her two hands or holding this teeny tiny, this mic.

[805] And slowly but surely, I'm pulling the microphone away from her, and she is just arms outstretched, holding the mic in front of me, and I'm holding it tippy, tippy tight right to my mouth.

[806] And by the end of this song, this poor little baby girl just became like a glorified mic stand.

[807] Well, I was like, do it when he runs in a tree.

[808] So I guess that's the deepest cut.

[809] And then I really, I didn't learn how to play an instrument until I was like 20, because I moved out of the house when I was 18 and my dad had always in like sort of a supportive lovely way but like enabled my not playing an instrument because any time I needed an instrumentation or needed to write a song or sing a song he was always there.

[810] He would write with me and sing with me so when I moved out of the house and moved to L .A., I was singing with a friend and he was like, yeah, it's cool.

[811] Actually, you know, who taught me how to play guitar is rest in peace, Brad Renfro.

[812] Remember that actor?

[813] Brad, in the fly.

[814] Certainly do.

[815] I was like on a movie with him that no one ever saw or we'll see.

[816] And I was singing.

[817] We were singing like just the blues.

[818] And he was like, you can really sing the blues.

[819] You should play guitar.

[820] Like, that'll up the whole thing.

[821] And was Brad musically in line?

[822] Yes.

[823] He was a crazy guitar player.

[824] Really?

[825] He sort of sang like real sort of talky, Tom Waitsie.

[826] But he played the shit out of the guitar.

[827] And he taught me a bunch of blues chords.

[828] And then for the first like two years I played music, I only wrote blues songs because there was only four chords I could play, like E7, A7D, maybe the B7, and that was it.

[829] Can I just go back to, in what capacity did mom and dad work at the camp?

[830] Because that was not their full -time jobs.

[831] No, this was only summer, but we didn't have, like we weren't, I don't want to paint this picture like we were super under privilege, but we couldn't afford sleepaway camp.

[832] We're like you send your kids away for two months.

[833] It's like 10 grand a summer or whatever.

[834] So my parents worked there.

[835] My dad was like the head of the kitchen.

[836] So like wasn't a chef.

[837] He was like just the head of like all the waiters.

[838] And my mom was like some sort of a camp mom.

[839] Like if you needed a toothbrush, she would go get it or needed to a ride to the, she was sort of transpo.

[840] Oh, okay.

[841] And did that make it worse or more fun?

[842] Because I think the last thing I would want is my parents to be observing me. 100%.

[843] I was such a frady cat worry ward and erotic person.

[844] prude my entire childhood that I was just like very by the book and very like I didn't go visit boys in their bunks and stuff and I was scared and I was oh it didn't want to get caught everything was about like by the book I don't know well you did a real 180 what age was that yeah because I remember seeing your diary where you like taped the condoms you used in high school into your diary and like put his name like practically fingerprinted the guy that you had sex with at like 17 well that's all true everything everybody has said here is true The best thing about Jackie is she has a handful of embarrassing stories, but she has embraced them to such a degree like no one else I've ever seen.

[845] And we went and saw Jackie on stage go through her journal.

[846] And a show called Mortified.

[847] And even show video of her at her bat mitzvah.

[848] Acting like a total douche.

[849] Yeah, wearing a tuxedo embossing everyone around.

[850] I mean, just running the fucking show.

[851] Literally wiping off the kisses of Holocaust survivors.

[852] Like, you come up to me. be like, Bobula, so good, and I'd be like, that was very wet and hairy.

[853] Like, what am?

[854] I was a monster.

[855] I don't know where that came from.

[856] It's probably just genetic.

[857] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[858] Also, I think it was like celebrated in a way.

[859] It was like, it was funny that I was like this little tyrant.

[860] Tyrant.

[861] I had the pleasure of hearing Jackie sing with her dad.

[862] And it was one of the, it really was one of the most special experiences I've ever gotten to see.

[863] I think I texted you right after.

[864] And I was like, what was the occasion?

[865] They were just over at the house And it was a random, it was another random sing -along But it was just Jackie and her dad And her dad was playing guitar.

[866] He plays guitar and keys.

[867] I think we were probably singing, Will you still love me tomorrow?

[868] That's like our, that's our go -to.

[869] It was so special.

[870] Thanks, Mom.

[871] Yeah.

[872] Talk about liking parents.

[873] You have the best parents of this world.

[874] A side story, another very important detail about Jackie's life is that Bella, her mother.

[875] So I know her parents very well because Jackie and I have been close for 15 years.

[876] But Bella is this adorable little Jewish woman and she is obsessed with consignment and thrift shops, but she doesn't just take anything.

[877] She's incredibly selective.

[878] Selective.

[879] And every time she finds like a Louis Vuitton wallet, like under a bunch of random other plastic purses, she will call Jackie and she will say, Jackie, say the exact sentence you get on your answering machine once a month.

[880] I have in my hands a fanny pack Gucci vintage.

[881] It's got to be from the late 70s, early 80s.

[882] I have in my hands.

[883] We've done that sentence to each other for a dozen years.

[884] A dozen years.

[885] We've had stuff in our hands for at least a dozen years.

[886] I think you should have another song before we find out how Mommy got, if she could ever remember how Mommy got into singing.

[887] Yeah.

[888] Can you guys sing us another song?

[889] Yeah, what are you thinking?

[890] By the way, the menorah burns quite quickly.

[891] I was just thinking the same thing.

[892] It's funny you said that because...

[893] Do you Jews retire early?

[894] This place is almost on fire.

[895] I was thinking the opposite.

[896] I was actually just thinking, wow, that menor is really going.

[897] Oh, does it normally burn out in like 60 seconds?

[898] Not 60 seconds, but I think it's been, what, 20?

[899] 20 minutes?

[900] Yeah, probably, is.

[901] You know, the point of the menorah is that when...

[902] The Jews were under attack.

[903] There was enough oil.

[904] They thought it was enough oil for one day.

[905] But it burned for eight days and eight nights.

[906] And it kept the Maccabees alive and able to fight and able to come back and have food in a place for them to be warm in the temple.

[907] And so it should, I guess, technically burn for longer than 20 minutes.

[908] For eight days, ideally.

[909] Well, no, because then you got out, you light it each day.

[910] It's also not a miracle today.

[911] I mean, it is because we're all together, but it has to be a miracle to last for eight days.

[912] Oh, okay.

[913] Well, I guess now that you say it that way, yes, now that we know that this thing normally burns out in about 70 seconds, for it to go eight days, that is a by -god miracle.

[914] That is a bona fide miracle.

[915] Although they didn't have candles.

[916] They just had oil.

[917] Okay.

[918] Lamp oil, well oil probably.

[919] Hard to say.

[920] Let's not get too barred down.

[921] I'm dreaming of a lot.

[922] Great.

[923] All right.

[924] Here we go.

[925] Dreaming of a white Christmas Just like the ones I used to know The tree tops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow Guys, it's truly filling me with Christmas cheer.

[926] I'm feeling like the Grinch, like my heart's swelling up a little bit.

[927] Wow.

[928] Yeah, it's so nice.

[929] Monica, is yours on the rise?

[930] No, it's still small.

[931] Oh, okay.

[932] No, it's huge.

[933] I know your heart, mama.

[934] It's enormous.

[935] Thanks, Jackie.

[936] It's too big.

[937] Hannah, when did you start singing and playing instruments?

[938] I started singing literally when I was a baby.

[939] My mom has a photo of me like.

[940] playing his aliphon and singing.

[941] But I did my first, like, official performance when I was nine at my sister's 15th, Quinsaniera.

[942] So that was like, she did.

[943] My mom is Mexican.

[944] Oh, your mom's Mexican.

[945] Okay.

[946] Great.

[947] Yeah.

[948] Yeah, she was born in Reynosa, Mexico, and then moved to Texas when she was like seven, right?

[949] All the more reason to call the album, Irman.

[950] That's what I was thinking.

[951] That's exactly what I was very true.

[952] Closeness to your parents.

[953] pick up that Mexican mom.

[954] I know.

[955] Thank you, Jackie.

[956] Very into origin stories.

[957] It's very consistent because you know I like dads.

[958] Oh my God, that's true.

[959] Yeah, so I noticed your dad was black and I'm like, oh yeah, the whole family's black.

[960] That's true.

[961] Because of your penchant for fathers.

[962] That's right.

[963] Sure, sure.

[964] Oh, okay.

[965] Yeah, so that's when I did my first performance and then I was like, okay, I know this is what I want to be doing.

[966] So then I started learning the guitar when I was 15.

[967] My brother taught me a few chords.

[968] And then he was like, you're such a slow learner.

[969] I'm done teaching you.

[970] Quit teaching me. And then I just picked up the rest on YouTube.

[971] Really?

[972] Yeah.

[973] From YouTube.

[974] Yeah.

[975] It's really nice.

[976] Yeah.

[977] You can learn anything on there.

[978] I'd love to just digress for half a second about how gorgeous your brother is.

[979] Oh, yeah.

[980] All of my brothers and my sisters are all.

[981] beauties as are you truly oh thank you yeah real handsome family but the brother that i met who's balancing back and forth from joshua joshua holy smokes yeah a vision really truly yeah fell right out of the sky i can yeah i was a little sad when i met him though because i was like oh damn angel lost his wings oh okay another angel lost his wings from tennessee because you're the only 10 i'm sorry I also see myself that.

[982] I like that.

[983] I love that.

[984] So did you have a Kinsenera?

[985] I didn't, but I did have a Sweet 16.

[986] Oh, you guys are really...

[987] We're all over the place.

[988] Anybody have about Mithva in your family?

[989] No. Surprisingly no. Tells me how sweet 16, was it like that show?

[990] It was pretty good.

[991] I tried to make it like that show.

[992] My theme was hip -hop Hollywood.

[993] So I had a red carpet with a graffiti backdrop as we go.

[994] So I had a red carpet with a graffiti backdrop.

[995] So everybody got to take a photo as they came in.

[996] Oh, wow.

[997] And I designed my own dress and my, who made it for me?

[998] I think one of my aunts made it for me. Then I had like a break dancer there and I did a performance.

[999] It was a great party.

[1000] I had a sweet 16.

[1001] It was a small group dinner.

[1002] at the melting pot.

[1003] I love the melting pot.

[1004] That's the most pragmatic thing I've ever heard in my turn.

[1005] It's a small group of dinner at the melting pot, so thank you so much.

[1006] I was going to say everyone paid 30 up front so that we wouldn't have to split the check.

[1007] Deal with it later.

[1008] We didn't want to deal with, yeah, we didn't want to make the restaurant.

[1009] Monica, did you refer to it as a sweet 16?

[1010] Of course.

[1011] You did.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] This is a big thing.

[1014] Any birthday that you have at 16 is a sweet one.

[1015] Oh, okay.

[1016] All right, sweet 16.

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] I love that.

[1019] You know what just occurred to me?

[1020] Do you think people are going to be able to tell the difference between who's talking when Monica's talking or when I'm talking?

[1021] Oh, good question.

[1022] Oh, I can totally tell them.

[1023] Well, I know you guys pretty well.

[1024] Yeah, that's why.

[1025] But if you don't know, if you're not like super in tune, people say that.

[1026] You don't know, now you know.

[1027] You want to know something funny?

[1028] I was like, I'll totally be able to tell K. And then it was Monica.

[1029] I swear to that that just happened.

[1030] When you were like, well, and when you started, I was like, okay, Chris.

[1031] Well.

[1032] That was not.

[1033] So no, I don't.

[1034] That's why I got that job on The Good Place.

[1035] I did one line or two lines.

[1036] I haven't seen it yet.

[1037] It's spectacular.

[1038] You're spectacular.

[1039] But I'm being Kristen, that's why I got to, I'm being Eleanor and I got, since I sound like her, they cast me. A lot of people will comment regularly when they're both on the show that they're very confused.

[1040] Really?

[1041] Oh.

[1042] That's interesting.

[1043] And sometimes when Kristen is listening to my Marco Polo at work, people think she's listening to herself.

[1044] I'm not truly, I kid you not.

[1045] Six or seven people have asked me that.

[1046] Just watching a video of yourself?

[1047] Like Ted has looked over and gone, are you just watching yourself?

[1048] And you're giving yourself so many notes.

[1049] Also, you're laughing to yourself.

[1050] You're laughing so loud at what you just said.

[1051] Oh, accidental jingle bells.

[1052] Oh, guys.

[1053] We've been having this problem.

[1054] We've had a recurring issue this month with reindeer and elves appearing.

[1055] Are you serious, Clark?

[1056] Yes.

[1057] Good Uncle Eddie callback.

[1058] Yes, we have a bit of, what we've figured out is, you know how these butterflies will migrate to the same tree in South America, even though they've never been to that tree?

[1059] There's like butterfly trees.

[1060] Our roof is a reindeer roof.

[1061] We're a hub.

[1062] You guys are a hub.

[1063] You guys are a hub.

[1064] And they've been on the roof all week.

[1065] I don't want to call it.

[1066] an infestation.

[1067] No. Because that sounds negative, but it's what it is.

[1068] Oh, they're off.

[1069] Oh, no. They might come back.

[1070] They might.

[1071] Don't worry.

[1072] And can we just have all eyes on the menorah?

[1073] Because it's sizzling, and I just want to make sure it would be the safety.

[1074] We're up to code here.

[1075] Everybody feels safe about this.

[1076] It's sizzling.

[1077] And the shamis is the one still burning.

[1078] I can't think of a better way to die than we've all missed the fact that we're engulfed by flames because we're so into the song.

[1079] And then we're just all singing and smiling and smiling and then just perish.

[1080] And it's a menorah that murdered us.

[1081] We don't need another fire here in California.

[1082] So I'm just, I'm a mom duty.

[1083] My mom, my mom's senses are tingling.

[1084] And I just want everybody to check in.

[1085] Well, you know, Mom, you've met my good friend, Ken Kennedy.

[1086] Of course.

[1087] Yes.

[1088] And he was in a couple scenes of this movie, the freebie that I did.

[1089] They put him at at this dinner table scene.

[1090] And I watched playback and I go, Ken, you are so natural.

[1091] Like, you're so comfortable in front of the camera.

[1092] And he goes, all I was thinking of.

[1093] about is this poorly made little thing they've got a fire burning in and I'm eyeing the hose over there and I'm thinking how quickly can I get to that hose and put out this fire?

[1094] No one's on this.

[1095] So he just missed the whole experience because he was terrified that he's going to...

[1096] That's the trick.

[1097] That's how you become a good actor.

[1098] You just imagine everything's going to burst into flames and you'll be fine.

[1099] That's so funny, Ken Kennedy.

[1100] Do we have another song?

[1101] Jackie seems to really have a bullet in the chamber.

[1102] Well, I wanted to be prepared because I felt Hannah was so prepared before, and I thought, yeah, girl, was less so.

[1103] So I thought, let me get on, let me get on Anderson's level.

[1104] Well, that's like a good management style is to pit people against one another.

[1105] So I'm glad that that somehow happened.

[1106] And I looked at her with very hate -filled eyes, and I said, I'm going to do better next time.

[1107] Silent night Holy not Burgeon mud Stay tuned for more Armchair expert If you dare We've all been there Turning to the internet To self -diagnose our inexplicable pains Debilitating body aches Sudden fevers and strange rashes Though our minds tend to spiral To worst -case scenarios it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[1108] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[1109] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Balin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[1110] It's called Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries.

[1111] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[1112] Follow Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[1113] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[1114] What's up guys?

[1115] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[1116] Every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[1117] And I don't mean just friends.

[1118] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[1119] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[1120] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[1121] So jealous.

[1122] That was nice.

[1123] It gave me baby chill.

[1124] You know, my favorite moment was when you guys were like you locked into your harmony and Jackie threw sister a look.

[1125] I think.

[1126] You felt it.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] I was really nice.

[1129] I have to say Monica's playing us for a fool right now because I know Monica can sing because I've sang because I've sang in the car with her numerous times and she's playing us all for a fool.

[1130] Oh, she's acting like that.

[1131] Yeah.

[1132] Oh, wow.

[1133] Okay, so Mommy.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] How did you get into music?

[1136] You can make up a story if you don't remember.

[1137] Oh, wow.

[1138] It was right after Vietnam.

[1139] No. I do kind of remember.

[1140] I was a child who, like at five and six and seven, made up a lot of songs just to myself.

[1141] And I mean, I also spent the majority of my time with my daughter.

[1142] dog and talking to the dog and I just did a lot of weird stuff and singing to myself so often my mom noticed that maybe it would be something I would enjoy doing and I was always sort of too small to play sports and so she took me into a voice teacher and I had like a voice lesson and this was probably I don't know I was like I want to say 11 or maybe even younger and the voice teacher was like you have to wait for her voice to change so i just constantly saying i've always had an ear that has been drawn to anything musical whether it's like the the subway cars beeping or any sounds i hear on the street i'm extremely sensitive to anything that sounds like it could be music and which by the way perfect time to mention which is why jacky and i are working on this show on amazon that jacky created that is called do ray me that is exactly that concept and it's Jackie and Michael Sharp's creation but they brought it to me because they know I love music and it fits so well because I was a kid who heard music everywhere in the show on Amazon which will be out, I think, at beginning of 2020, it's a show about three little songbirds named Do Ramee, and they hear music everywhere and so they hear like the woodpeckers in the area and they're like, what's that beat?

[1143] I got to understand that beat.

[1144] Anyways, that's the side note because I think it's really important for kids who feel music to explore it in some way, even if it's just therapeutically.

[1145] And I think my mom recognized that.

[1146] And I went back to the voice teacher after my voice had sort of changed, I guess.

[1147] And I started doing nothing but music, and I was competing in solo and ensemble competitions, which is like, you know, just a dorky little glee club where you travel around the country and sing like Italian arias and operatic songs.

[1148] And then one day after school, my voice teacher gave me. the song Green Finch and Linnit Bird from Sweeney Todd which is a very operatic song by Steven Sondheim but it was the first time I had actually ever sang in English and could understand the perspective of who I was singing about and what I was singing about and I became I was like put it in my veins and I became obsessed with musical theater and what did you think she was going to say?

[1149] I was going to say could have gone any direction on the put it in my and I and I didn't know say veins and doubt Rex and I locked eyes.

[1150] I was leaning towards butt, big time.

[1151] I thought that was coming out of a lot.

[1152] I didn't think quick enough for it to be butt, but it wasn't veins.

[1153] Yeah, sure, sure.

[1154] Both of you, you think I would have told a story where I said in the middle of my beautiful story about loving music said put it in my butt.

[1155] No, maybe.

[1156] No, no, in fairness, maybe put it in my booty trap.

[1157] Oh, sure.

[1158] And I have, this makes a perfect point.

[1159] I have long since said, because I've been friends of Jackie for so many years.

[1160] When I met my husband, I'm like, oh, you're.

[1161] or Dax?

[1162] Like, I've, the amount of disgusting jokes they make at the dinner table just to get a rise out of people.

[1163] Jackie, Tone, and Dax Shepard are the same person.

[1164] We're pervert soulmates.

[1165] Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[1166] Alpha pervert soulmates.

[1167] Right.

[1168] But, you know, we will sometimes say, remember, hon, the ultimate compliment we can give an experience is to say we gave it straight up the ass.

[1169] That's true.

[1170] Straight up the ass.

[1171] We used to say that.

[1172] When we go on trips, we went to our Africa trip, we gave it straight up the ass.

[1173] Oh, we gave it straight up the ass there on that Africa trip.

[1174] Or even Colorado, boy, we gave it straight up the ass to Colorado.

[1175] Yeah, it is in our house become a compliment.

[1176] A euphemism for a great, great trip.

[1177] And so how did it work out?

[1178] Did you ever end up singing anywhere professionally?

[1179] No, never again.

[1180] Oh, wow.

[1181] It's kind of a sad story.

[1182] It's also interesting because we all know about your terrible memory, but you have a exquisite memory for music.

[1183] You can like remember all the words to a song you sang when you were eight.

[1184] The rest of my brain is broken But that part is very much thriving No, not broken, just over full Yeah, I would agree with that Yeah Well, one song that you remember from your childhood That you, I don't know that anyone does a better rendition of Is the Chris Cross Slice song Was it Sprite or Slice?

[1185] A Sprite.

[1186] Sprite, okay Well, if you wanted to sing it, I would certainly like to hear it Okay It's a rap.

[1187] Yeah, it's a Christmas rap.

[1188] Okay.

[1189] better.

[1190] Hey, oh, Chris, what's up, bro?

[1191] What's that in your hand?

[1192] It's the S to the P -R -I -T -E can.

[1193] Understand the fruity twist tastes a pretty, fruity risk of unexpectedness that you could never miss. So what's your name, Daddy, M -A -C, and what you drink?

[1194] S -P -R -I -T -E.

[1195] Why?

[1196] Because it's a nice flavor when you need.

[1197] There's quenching like a twist with a lot of kick.

[1198] Now you know that's kicking word.

[1199] So drink up, drink up is what you got to do.

[1200] Why?

[1201] Because I like the Sprite in you.

[1202] Damn!

[1203] Damn!

[1204] That's hot.

[1205] Wow.

[1206] Jackie's mouth was a gait.

[1207] The entire time.

[1208] Ooh, that was stanky.

[1209] I've never Check the menorah you guys It's relit It's done I love that you got me And I looked at the menorah Like you're saying Oh damn it The whole thing's just glowing Like molten lava Oh my gosh beautiful What a performance Wow Wasn't expecting to hear that tonight Neither was I And I'm thrilled that we did I'm thrilled you asked for it Another Christmas miracle I have one more question about your um musical nature yeah because we have kids now uh -huh how many did two two four four we ended up with two of them and um you know uh they too love singing and they love music but i i i'm nervous they're not going to do the um really laborious tedious studying memorizing practicing did you did you have to be coaxed into that or did you just no i willingly do all that well you are i'm going to fly you are i'm going to fly left the fuck out of your pillows right now.

[1210] You are a musical genius because when we watched Idol, which we watched all the time, and Harry Connick was a guest judge, you would often be listening to the person sing and you would say all this technical mumbo jumbo.

[1211] And I would think you're just showing off.

[1212] There's no way that that's exactly what's going on.

[1213] And almost verbatim, Harry Connick would give the exact same response.

[1214] If you could see my head right now, listeners, it's the size of this room.

[1215] It's up on the roof with the fucking reindeer.

[1216] I'm exhausted.

[1217] It's a biggest compliment someone could ever give me that I...

[1218] But it was eerie.

[1219] How often you guys had the exact technical reaction?

[1220] Well, he's got a great ear.

[1221] I mean, what are you going to do?

[1222] If I could say one thing about Harriet's, he's got a great ear.

[1223] I feel like someone who's close to him would call him Connie.

[1224] One thing I could say about the...

[1225] Connie.

[1226] Connie's got a greater ear.

[1227] Wait a minute.

[1228] Wasn't it H. Connie Junes?

[1229] He used to call H .C .C. I forgot that I used to say H. H. Connie June.

[1230] And Kristen, by the way, we're not even talking about it right now, as his public knowledge, was in love.

[1231] Oh, love, love, love, with age, Connie Junes.

[1232] Oh, she loves, yeah, yeah, yeah, big time, big time.

[1233] And when you were on his show, did you feel, like, in -person rhythm?

[1234] Well, not coming from him.

[1235] I was giving it out a little bit, but it wasn't being reciprocated and it wasn't coming from him other than in a very, like, paternal way.

[1236] Because he also has, like, older daughters and is, like, a lovely marriage and, you know, now having met his daughters, it's just it's impenetrable.

[1237] So I wasn't gaining any traction.

[1238] But when I was on his show, yeah, he did do me the honor of playing my very favorite song on piano, a song called Booker that's an incredibly difficult piano solo and he played it for me live and I about slipped off the chair.

[1239] Oh, I bet.

[1240] I bet you ran through many me undies on that one.

[1241] Many, many me undies.

[1242] Micromodal fabric.

[1243] It's five times softer than cotton.

[1244] wearing me undies right now we actually are me unsies yeah for real me onesies me onesies but you were asking a question about our daughters I was because um you you have a really besides the fact that you can I could let's just put it this way if I didn't know you and was not married to you and I just knew that you sang in a Disney movie I would think oh she just sang I wouldn't know that you studied it to the degree you did and that you have the huge breath of knowledge you do about music and so that obviously took a lot of studying and due diligence and I just wondered was it something your mom stayed on top of you about or you just you a wall of fire couldn't have kept you from learning that the latter when I was in high school because it was more technical and all I wanted to do was sing because it was a or be inside music because it was a more comfortable place for my brain than as outgoing as I seem than interacting and trying to fit in in high school and just all the things that you have during high school being inside music was so much more comfortable it was where I wanted to be it was like my warm blanket so music's ass yes straight up music's ass would you say in music's booty trap correct yeah and going to school in New York with all of these people that were just like crazy obsessed with musical theater shows learning music theory and doing music theory homework and learning how to cite read was like a very cool thing to do so it's like doing donuts in the parking lot at my high school exactly exactly well this is a very funny thing so we we brought in a a piano teacher to teach lincoln carolina who's amazing carolina and what has happened quickly is that lincoln's out she's not going to do it yeah she's it's under the guys this woman's coming over under the guise of teaching lincoln but really just Kristen sitting at the piano every Saturday and Kristen has to act like well I guess she's not going to join so why don't you teach me and then I'll pass it on to her when you leave really she's just getting piano lessons because I haven't played in forever and needs so much help and she but she seems to be cool with it although I will say she does still give me a sticker she asked me if I want to pick a sticker at the end of a lesson and I do I do okay um let's do we have one more song in us and then I would like like to my dream would be to sing you guys sing Rudolph the red nose reindeer and i'd like to sing the the extra parts as michael mcdonald that's kind of a fantasy i have of the evening so maybe if we could do that but do is there one more uh pretty one before we would do rudolph maybe one where um yeah i'd like to hear mom really take uh the song by the the horns the balls the bull's balls horns take it by the bull's balls horns Oh, O 'Reilly's.

[1245] I wish.

[1246] Oh, ho, ho, ho, O 'Reilly's.

[1247] I wish there was video of that, the way your eyes change when it turns into the O 'Reilly's.

[1248] That's why Monica can't look.

[1249] Oh, I look.

[1250] Oh, I go right into the soul of the devil with it.

[1251] It must be part of our pervertedness.

[1252] I go right into your eyes.

[1253] Yeah, you're in.

[1254] You are in.

[1255] I'm going to try one last one while you get your throat ready.

[1256] Oh, my God.

[1257] This is Santa.

[1258] Santa is, he's coughing and ho -ho.

[1259] Oh, Riley's.

[1260] I'm so here for this bit.

[1261] Mama bears on her feet right now, which is really, really exciting.

[1262] It's the first time someone's had to stand tonight.

[1263] After that, I looked at first thing.

[1264] She went like, meh.

[1265] That's what her face and body did.

[1266] You should not feel that way.

[1267] It's so beautiful.

[1268] You just spiked the bones.

[1269] in the end zone.

[1270] Yeah, I just have a little frog in my throat, so, you know.

[1271] A little froggy.

[1272] A little Christmas frog.

[1273] Wait a second.

[1274] That's the best singing frogs.

[1275] What are I great singing frogs?

[1276] This is going to be Rudolph of Red Nose Reindeer.

[1277] And then doing the fun parts will be Michael McDonald.

[1278] Oh, cool.

[1279] All right.

[1280] No, I got to blow out the carbine out.

[1281] That actually made me feel a little stressed.

[1282] Dasher and dancer, prince.

[1283] Do you really?

[1284] Great job, you guys.

[1285] Great job by the McDonald.

[1286] That was truly something.

[1287] That was really, really special.

[1288] Is anyone, now, did you guys celebrate Christmas at home, Jackie, even though you were Jewish?

[1289] Did you want that tree and some presents?

[1290] As a kid, I think I remember the kids that celebrated Christmas were always jealous of Hanukkah because we got eight nights of them, except we only got eight presents.

[1291] And from what I understood, my friends who celebrated Christmas got 75 ,000 presents.

[1292] On Christmas.

[1293] So I'm going to be like, you guys get eight nights of 75 ,000 presents a night?

[1294] I was like, no. I get socks on one night.

[1295] Then night two, perhaps another pair of sex.

[1296] Yeah, they're kind of small, right.

[1297] It's not hot shit gifts, I mean, as far as I remember as a child.

[1298] What about when you've dated Gentiles and the holiday rolls around and you do exchange Christmas gifts?

[1299] We exchange Christmas gifts.

[1300] It's almost more like holiday gifts.

[1301] I think we would do, like, I would get gifts for Hanukkah and he would get gifts for Christmas.

[1302] But I've dated a Jew here and there.

[1303] Would you consider yourself a soldier in the war on Christmas?

[1304] I would absolutely not do no such thing.

[1305] No, I think Christmas is beautiful and I love it.

[1306] I do definitely support a happy holidays vibe, though, because we need to include everybody who celebrates all sorts of wonderful things.

[1307] All are welcome.

[1308] All are welcome.

[1309] All are welcome.

[1310] But I love Christmas.

[1311] Yeah, it's a good time, right?

[1312] I'm an atheist, and it's my favorite day of the year, ironically.

[1313] I guess where I was going with this, is there a present you're looking for this holiday season?

[1314] A husband?

[1315] Oh.

[1316] Oh, I don't know.

[1317] I actually wasn't even thinking that, but then since he was asking all the questions about relationships and gifts and holidays, it made me think of it.

[1318] DM applications to armchair expert pod.

[1319] We have a lot of armchairs out there who want to.

[1320] to date Jackie Tone, I bet.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] And they're a good, good group of people.

[1323] I would argue the best group of people I've ever met.

[1324] I agree.

[1325] Because we travel the country and we meet them and there's not a jerk there.

[1326] Not a jerk among them.

[1327] It's hard to assemble a 3 ,000 people and not have a jerk in the audience.

[1328] Marriottish.

[1329] Wow, I'm here for it.

[1330] Well, that started out as a joke, but sure.

[1331] DM.

[1332] Let's see if we can get you married.

[1333] Add Jackie Tone on Instagram.

[1334] You can DM there too.

[1335] Hannah.

[1336] Yes.

[1337] Where can people watch your many videos on your Instagram?

[1338] Instagram, you do a lot of great musical videos that I peruse.

[1339] Yeah, where do they?

[1340] It is Hannah Anderson.

[1341] And that's it.

[1342] And we're spelling that the conventional way.

[1343] It's a H -A -N -A -H is Hannah.

[1344] Anderson is A -N -D -E -R -S -O -N.

[1345] But on my Instagram, there's an extra N. Well, I'm glad I asked.

[1346] Yeah, I'm really good.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] Because they might have ended up on some other Hannah.

[1349] That's not a sister.

[1350] Oh, and I'm T -O -H -N.

[1351] That's a weird one.

[1352] Oh, yeah.

[1353] I like to add.

[1354] Jackie T O -H -N.

[1355] Gotta clear that up.

[1356] And is there, and you're in a loving relationship.

[1357] I am.

[1358] Yeah, you have a very sweet boyfriend.

[1359] Mm -hmm.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] And he's also a very beautiful, talented musician as well.

[1362] We like Brad.

[1363] Yeah, we love that.

[1364] You're in one of his videos and you guys are making out the back of a pickup truck going to the car.

[1365] That was crazy.

[1366] It was kind of scary.

[1367] Well, not for me watching it.

[1368] I was so.

[1369] Invigorated.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] Yeah.

[1372] It was like a fucking.

[1373] It's a really liberating experience.

[1374] Making it on the back of that pickup?

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] I bet.

[1377] Wind blowing through your hair.

[1378] Riding in the wind.

[1379] Is there anything you asked for for Christmas this year that year?

[1380] No. Nothing I asked for, but this is good enough for me. Okay.

[1381] A room full of love.

[1382] Uh -huh.

[1383] This is beautiful.

[1384] Well, I feel very, very, very blessed to have all you wonderful ladies and wabiwob with his penis and balls over there.

[1385] I still love him.

[1386] So thank you guys so much.

[1387] Yeah, thank you.

[1388] I'm inclined just one last thing.

[1389] Just because I want to go out with something funny.

[1390] Jackie, would you be up for doing just one of your funny songs?

[1391] Because they're so incredible.

[1392] There's so many I like.

[1393] Cool.

[1394] Wow, sure.

[1395] An incredible stand -up.

[1396] I really, and I've got to watch you evolve over the years and you've just gotten better and better and better.

[1397] You're really so good at it.

[1398] And I would love to hear whatever you think your favorite song to play is.

[1399] So I guess the best way to describe what's going on in my life right now would be that there's a rap battle going on in my head between the two sides of me, you know?

[1400] The side of me, the side of me that wants babies, you know?

[1401] And this side of me, it's like, oh my God, you're just a baby yourself, but it's like I'm not, I just look amazing, you know?

[1402] No, that is what's hard for people.

[1403] So this is a song.

[1404] It's a rap battle about wanting babies.

[1405] One day I was casually strolling in town, living life is a plane.

[1406] No big ups or downs.

[1407] Out of nowhere, this voice loud and crazy yelled, babies, babies, I definitely want babies.

[1408] I was like, yo, I can't have a baby.

[1409] I have too much to do.

[1410] I have to take a nap at noon.

[1411] I've got to take this other nap at two.

[1412] Look, I'm just not ready.

[1413] I'm first hitting my prime.

[1414] It was like, tell that to your body, girl.

[1415] You run it out of time.

[1416] This is a battle between head and heart and ovaries.

[1417] I want my babies, but I also want my freedom, and it's tearing me. apart and ovaries I'm an independent woman yo I'm not trying to mom it tripping over toys cleaning shit piss and vomit I don't need little nitwits throwing shit fits pass my lipstick I'll get this clit lick thank you so much here's the bitch bitch get that dick quick or that little baby's gonna be autistic people get really mad at that part but I didn't make up science if you get older and you're in this late 30s and the kid might be derby you're older now it's not getting any better never gonna be ready never have enough check Find a nice man, write him a letter with a graphic of your shriveling eggs as a header.

[1418] Dear sir, to whom it may concern, can I borrow just a little itty -bitty your sperm?

[1419] I said, time is a ticking, so giddy -gitty up, you don't have to be involved, just come in a cup.

[1420] When I say agree to be, you say the father.

[1421] Okay, I agree to be Hannah, the father.

[1422] When I say agree to be, you say the father, I agree to be the father, I agree to be This is a battle between head and heart and over freeze.

[1423] I want my babies, but I also want my freedom, and it's tearing me apart.

[1424] I just need some time to get...

[1425] TikTok, biological clock.

[1426] Bitch, how much time you think you got.

[1427] Tick -tuck, tick -tuck, biological clock.

[1428] How long does it take to come in a cup?

[1429] Thank you very much.

[1430] It's very Alexander Hamilton.

[1431] It is.

[1432] Right?

[1433] But it predates Hamilton.

[1434] But it's got a real Hamilton feel to it.

[1435] I love rapping.

[1436] You're very good at it.

[1437] Thanks, friends.

[1438] Well, wow.

[1439] That was a great, well, I think it was great for the holidays in particular.

[1440] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1441] I feel like really to ring in Christmas cheer.

[1442] You got to talk about coming in a cup, aging out of possibly having a family, stuff like that.

[1443] Yes.

[1444] And as you know, Immaculent Conception is.

[1445] That's what we're celebrating basically on this day.

[1446] So something that...

[1447] Fingers crossed.

[1448] Well, loved ones, thank you so much for really supplying a Christmas party for everyone.

[1449] Or a holiday party, I guess we'll call it a holiday party.

[1450] So Jackie Chonies.

[1451] Yes, at Jackie Chonies.

[1452] At Jackie Chonies, thank you.

[1453] Kristen, my love.

[1454] Thank you so much.

[1455] I love you.

[1456] Monica, my love.

[1457] Thank you.

[1458] everyone here so much and hannah that sweet beautiful voice all right love you guys merry christmas mary christmas follow armchair expert on the wondery app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completely completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.