#120 - Duncan Trussell

[0] And we're back from the depths, from a very controversial podcast yesterday, Brian Reichel.

[1] Yeah.

[2] Very controversial.

[3] A lot of people were upset that I cut Jan off a bunch of times.

[4] Well, you know, I love Jan, but Jan is the king of the ear beatings, and I was just trying to keep everything moving.

[5] In retrospect, having him on the podcast is a good idea because people will be introduced to his work because he's got a lot of interesting research that he's done.

[6] But the best way to do Jan's podcast is to do his podcast.

[7] You know, to do ours, we try to make it entertaining.

[8] With his, I don't have a worry about it being entertaining.

[9] I can just be myself and just kick back and relax.

[10] But when it's mine, I feel a certain responsibility.

[11] And I love Jan, but...

[12] I'll talk to him on the phone and he gives me fucking ferocious ear beatings.

[13] He called me up the other day for 20 minutes talking to me about Gordon Wasson and how Gordon Wasson is in the CIA and he was in the CFR and he is responsible for the whole mushroom movement and how much of it is filled with disinformation and all these elites know about this.

[14] And see, he hits me with this, which is, you know, it's kind of interesting information.

[15] It's definitely interesting information.

[16] But it's the way this information is distributed.

[17] The reason why he's such a good researcher is because he's kind of an obsessed guy.

[18] He gets nutty about shit.

[19] And it's the right way to be if you're going to be looking up documents all day.

[20] Because you or I would fucking ADD out of it.

[21] And we would just be playing video games an hour later.

[22] We would totally give up.

[23] This fucking guy has not had a TV for years.

[24] And he's been living up in the woods.

[25] He lives up in a cabin.

[26] I mean, he's the real deal.

[27] He's a fascinating cat.

[28] But for an interview, I tried to get him to just hang out with us, and he wanted to do a lecture.

[29] He wanted to go over all of his sources and cite all.

[30] And I understand that he's done a lot of work, and he's trying to cite his sources because a lot of that stuff is very controversial, the subject matter, and people want to know that you've actually done the work and researched the actual.

[31] the actual history of what you're talking about, but god damn, it's hard to listen to in a podcast when you're just trying to have a conversation with a dude.

[32] Some people have a hard time with the concept of a conversation on the podcast, but because it's on television, or rather on the internet, and because it's on, you know, you can watch it on Ustream, because it's being watched, all of a sudden it becomes like this formal thing.

[33] You know what I'm saying?

[34] Yeah.

[35] Like it becomes like something where you're, you know, because so many people are there, They're looking at it.

[36] You want it somehow or another to be stayed and professional and respectable.

[37] Yeah, I think he doesn't leave that world that much.

[38] I almost feel like that he's in it 100 % to the fact that he over obsesses about it.

[39] And the only entertainment he has is maybe planking or something like that.

[40] What is planking exactly?

[41] Because I keep hearing about this.

[42] Planking is this weird thing that we just.

[43] lay and straight stiff as a board in places like you go outside in the middle on sunset and you just lay down on your back stiff as a board and it almost looks like everybody knows what you're doing No, I think a lot of people are like, what the fuck's going on over there?

[44] People have died doing this, right?

[45] What?

[46] Yeah, people have tried to do really dangerous planks.

[47] What?

[48] Yeah, they try to plank off of nine -story balconies.

[49] Shut the fuck up.

[50] Yeah, plummet to their deaths.

[51] Oh, my God.

[52] I've seen people plank where they climb up one of those light pools in a parking lot and lay on top of one of those and plank for a couple hours.

[53] What?

[54] Yeah.

[55] Jesus fucking Christ, what a dumb way to die.

[56] Dumb way to die.

[57] I planked at that hotel the other day.

[58] That last moment.

[59] That last, as you're planking down into Hades and just thinking about what an idiot you are, your last few moments as you go plunging to the sidewalk.

[60] So dumb.

[61] For an internet joke.

[62] Yeah, it's just – I don't – I guess it's – what is it?

[63] Is it a form of performance art or something?

[64] Yeah, it's something like that.

[65] Or it's just – to me what it looks like is broken people.

[66] Like if you look at a video game and there's like a glitch and there's like a person laying sideways, that's what I consider it as.

[67] That's why I love it because I'm just like, hey, it's broken people.

[68] It's like our system is like glitching.

[69] It's like a buggy system.

[70] It's like when you – remember you used to get those beta releases of video games?

[71] Yeah.

[72] And there'd be like clipping problems where you could walk through walls and shit.

[73] That's what it is.

[74] Yeah, absolutely.

[75] I did not know about this.

[76] There's so many goddamn people and there's so much information out there that it's impossible to know about every fucking freaky weird thing people are doing.

[77] It's literally, you think you've got a good...

[78] catalog of people's behavior until you run into furries or you run into planking.

[79] You know, you hear about some new thing.

[80] It's so great when you find a new thing, too.

[81] I remember when I found out about furries.

[82] That was like the best two weeks.

[83] You should have been here when I came back from Pittsburgh, man. There was a convention of them in Pittsburgh.

[84] I got a lot of information.

[85] So you went to the convention?

[86] I saw them.

[87] I didn't go to the convention.

[88] It was coincidental that there was a UFC in town the very same weekend as this big furry convention.

[89] I think it was planned.

[90] I think a lot of those UFC fighters are into...

[91] No, the UFC fucked up.

[92] They had to get people's hotels way outside of the city.

[93] It was a real pain in the ass for the fighters.

[94] Because of the furries?

[95] Yeah, because of the furries.

[96] I'm not bullshitting.

[97] I'm not bullshitting.

[98] So the idea with furries is you're just taking on an alternate identity as a stuffed animal or like a Disney...

[99] Yes, as a mascot, yeah.

[100] And you don't talk, you use grunts.

[101] We talked about it in depth when I got back because I was so amazed that this was a real thing that I didn't know about.

[102] Because I thought, you know, I'd heard the term fur...

[103] Furries, man. And it just, it was like some distant thing.

[104] Like, oh, you know, furries.

[105] Oh, yeah, they're into wearing rubber or something like that.

[106] You know what I mean?

[107] Like one of those things where you, what is that called when people are into wearing rubber?

[108] They wear like rubber suits and shit.

[109] Latex.

[110] Yeah, there's people that are like really into like really tight latex rubber shit.

[111] So I thought it was kind of like that.

[112] Just some weird freaky thing that just a small group of people are into.

[113] But I did not know they had their own fucking language.

[114] And they have like meetings that they meet at several times.

[115] You know, they shit in letter boxes and they eat food.

[116] A lot of bowls like animals.

[117] They go deep, man. They don't wash. They chase each other around like animals.

[118] That was the weirdest thing when we were driving.

[119] We were watching these two people chase each other around like the guy was sniffing the other guy's butt.

[120] Running around trees.

[121] I mean, they're acting literally like animals.

[122] It's so fucking strange.

[123] I want to see planking furries.

[124] That's what I think they should do.

[125] Sure, they do it.

[126] I bet if you take off the mass of furries, you're going to find a really surprisingly normal group of people.

[127] You think?

[128] Yeah.

[129] I think people – there's a lot of people out there.

[130] I think it's that Thoreau quote that many men live lives of quiet desperation.

[131] Is that Thoreau who said that?

[132] I think so.

[133] I think there's a lot of people out there that are so disenchanted and disenfranchised with whatever.

[134] boring existence they might have stumbled into and are now stuck.

[135] There's a lot of us that live like that.

[136] You get stuck.

[137] And they're fucking bored, man, and they want something else.

[138] And even if it's dressing up like a fucking mascot, like a giant fox and running around grunting with people, fuck it, man. It's like at least you can be free of the programming for a little bit.

[139] I mean, if you're a guy who works in an office, all right, for eight hours a day, man, this podcast is a way more.

[140] accurate representation of how most men sit around and bullshit and talk than the kind of conversations you're allowed to have in the office, right?

[141] When you're allowed to have something, when the office, you have to be respectful, you have to be business -like, you have to be, and I totally appreciate all that.

[142] And if, you know, if your wife is working in some office, you don't want cock jokes flying left and right.

[143] And, you know, everybody being uncomfortable.

[144] This one guy's always telling dirty jokes.

[145] And, you know, I totally get the idea of the working environment where people are, but.

[146] the idea that you have to not be you for eight hours a day, I think is terrible for you to like put yourself in a little box.

[147] Like, you know, hello, Mr. Johnson.

[148] Good to see you, sir.

[149] And one part is just being nice.

[150] But when you want to say something fucked up, when a fucked up thought crosses your head and you got to squash that thought, you got to put it away.

[151] Like, oh, this person is not going to be able to handle this joke or this subject is off limits.

[152] that's not good for you well no it's terrible for you it's and what it is is it's a it's a game it's like the office is a game and there's very specific rules where this when the game starts in the beginning of the day there's a boss and suddenly this person who's just like you has authority over you and can control basically controls your life and the food for your kids and so you have to speak in a certain language dictated by the corporation it's this terrible fucking game that people forget is a game and they begin to think oh no this is the way you're supposed to act this is real life and that's when you get like that b of a song did you ever see that b of a song the bank of america song did you ever see that it's like somebody filmed this corporate announcement of a merger between b of a and another bank and it's a guy saying to you two's one uh this song that he wrote about bank of america and it is what it will make your eyeballs roll back into your head with such existential horror it's seeing this brainwashed drone who's obviously spent like a week writing the lyrics to this song and is passionately passionately singing the lyrics to how great Bank of America is as a corporation.

[153] I think we should be able to play this on the podcast.

[154] Oh, you absolutely can.

[155] I believe it was a corporate video that was made by Bank of America, right?

[156] That was sent out to its employees.

[157] No, it's somebody had a camera out during this moment where some kiss -ass, who knew how to play guitar, wrote a song about Bank of America.

[158] Everybody in the audience is clearly like, they seem uncomfortable to me. like oh fuck you know what it reminds me of it reminds me of a cult it's like a cult the feeling there is that of a people who've gotten absorbed into a cult that's the only way to put it it's like they believe crazy shit that is only even known by a relatively small group of people, and it's their entire lives.

[159] Banking.

[160] The Bank of America way.

[161] The way that we do business.

[162] He's singing about the way they do business, and it's kind of obscure banking terms in the song.

[163] Really?

[164] It's really terrible.

[165] Yes, I want to hear it.

[166] It sounds fucking awesome.

[167] This could be found on YouTube under Bank of America Sings U2's 1.

[168] I just want to say before you press play, I'm looking forward to this almost as much as I'm looking forward to the new Conan.

[169] Go ahead, play.

[170] Some guests who have been so impressed with your results to date and they've listened to the plans being described today and continue to be excited about what's going to be the card business today and beyond.

[171] And that is Jim Dubois, who is the consumer market exec for the Manhattan market.

[172] Why are we listening to all this nonsense?

[173] He's introducing him.

[174] He's a long -winded fellow.

[175] They put a little song together for you.

[176] A little song together for you.

[177] We miss those guys' names, which is probably for the best.

[178] We don't want to diss them.

[179] Whoa.

[180] Is this real?

[181] Go full screen.

[182] It is even better.

[183] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. One name that's known all over the world.

[184] Oh, my God.

[185] One spirit.

[186] We get to share it.

[187] Leading us all to higher standards.

[188] The guy, by the way, is also like a 40 -year -old bald guy that doesn't look anything like hipness at all.

[189] Yeah, he's like Larry David's younger brother.

[190] Do you want to do the whole thing?

[191] Yes, please.

[192] What?

[193] Do you like cowboys?

[194] This is amazing.

[195] It's an incredible example.

[196] Somebody's got to bring that guy coffee in the water.

[197] Meanwhile, the guy's got a good voice.

[198] He's got a real good voice.

[199] Too bad he doesn't have a soul.

[200] This is the kind of songs that you sing when you don't have weed in your life.

[201] Yeah.

[202] When they're regularly piss -testing you.

[203] This guy gets piss -tested on the regular.

[204] This is what sobriety gets you.

[205] Meanwhile, he can sing.

[206] I can't do that.

[207] No. I can't sing like that.

[208] He's great in his church choir, I bet.

[209] Oh, he kills it in the church choir.

[210] You think he wants dick?

[211] He already had it.

[212] I don't know.

[213] I feel like, I'm going to be honest, I feel like someone could fuck his wife.

[214] I feel like there's an opening there.

[215] You know what I'm saying?

[216] Yeah, probably.

[217] Am I looking into this?

[218] He's got more of a BTK killer vibe.

[219] What is it, a BTK killer?

[220] Yeah, throws on underwear, strangles boys.

[221] Throws on women's underwear.

[222] Whoever this guy is, I'm sorry.

[223] I'm sorry we're dissing you.

[224] And we don't mean it.

[225] What we would like to do is we offer you a hug and some weed.

[226] Yeah, and you're very pixelated on the video, so we're just judging by pixelations mostly.

[227] Well, I mean, I don't know.

[228] Maybe I'm just an asshole, but I don't feel...

[229] Yeah, we're totally assholes.

[230] I don't feel empathy for that guy.

[231] Oh, he's just a guy, man. He's a banker.

[232] He's got a job.

[233] He's supporting his kids.

[234] He's a Satanist.

[235] He's a member of the corporate church of Lucifer.

[236] He's singing hymns to some...

[237] idol some devil idol fuck him he's just oh i think of the people he's exploiting just imagine working in a cubicle next to that cocksucker as he's writing a shitty song and he's bringing you in and running it by you while he farts his cum farts you're having to smell that guy's disgusting emissions he's like a human slug i hate that I just know he torments people.

[238] I just know he torments underlings.

[239] That's why I have no convenience.

[240] You think so?

[241] Yes.

[242] I see.

[243] I saw him as like a fatherly figure in the office, gives out a lot of hugs, but always had a desire to be a singer.

[244] And then this is what he put together.

[245] And then a few people of his office were proud of him.

[246] A bunch were very embarrassed.

[247] It's very embarrassing.

[248] And there's going to be a lot of talking behind closed doors.

[249] It's humiliating.

[250] But there's a few girls, like a few chubby secretaries.

[251] that thought he did awesome.

[252] Oh, yeah.

[253] I mean, I'm sure that there's other brainwashed drones who are like, Carl did such an excellent job.

[254] I really felt our higher standards coming through his song.

[255] He really represents the B of A higher standard.

[256] The moment where he starts singing, one bank, you know, like coming together.

[257] When you realize that he's really doing this, he's really going full emotions about a bank.

[258] Full passion.

[259] It's his life, and it's his team.

[260] Passion about being on Team B of A. Yeah, and they made a merger.

[261] He gets kind of nasty later on in the song where he kind of...

[262] This is another bank.

[263] Fuck Wells Fargo.

[264] No, no. One of the lyrics is, what's in your pocket?

[265] It's not Capital One.

[266] That's a lyric.

[267] He's dissing Capital One.

[268] I would diss Capital One.

[269] Would you?

[270] Yeah, fuck Capital One.

[271] Fuck all of them, right?

[272] Yeah, fuck all of them.

[273] But we need a system.

[274] I don't have a problem.

[275] I mean, whatever.

[276] Bitcoins, bro.

[277] Bitcoins.

[278] That's what I hear.

[279] Works online, right?

[280] Yeah.

[281] I don't know.

[282] I still don't understand what Bitcoin is.

[283] Some shit used to buy DoD characters online.

[284] Is it DoD?

[285] I don't care.

[286] What's DoD?

[287] Dungeons or dragons.

[288] Yeah, it's like, it's torrent.

[289] I'll take the dragons.

[290] What are you fucking playing?

[291] Dungeons or dragons?

[292] Hey, let's trade coins, guys.

[293] This Bitcoin thing is an online currency that they're experimenting with?

[294] Yeah.

[295] That's what kids are doing these days?

[296] Yeah, I know.

[297] I know because it's the only way you can give money to Julian Assange just with Bitcoin.

[298] He's so cutting edge.

[299] Yeah.

[300] I want to hang with him.

[301] I do too.

[302] I bet he would say embarrassing shit to chicks though.

[303] Julian?

[304] Yeah.

[305] He'd get a little cocky, wouldn't he?

[306] He'd get a little cocky.

[307] He'd say something embarrassing.

[308] Like what?

[309] I don't know.

[310] Well, I don't know.

[311] He wants to be that guy.

[312] He's that guy because he wants to be that guy.

[313] Even his non -emotional response to everything has stayed.

[314] It's all calculated.

[315] The real Julian Assange is a video of him dancing.

[316] Have you ever seen it?

[317] No, but that's what I was just thinking.

[318] You gotta see it.

[319] Pull up the video.

[320] Pull up the video.

[321] Julian Assange dancing.

[322] What's he dancing?

[323] He's just a dude.

[324] He's just a dude, okay?

[325] He's dancing all freaky and crazy, and there's nothing wrong with dancing freaky and crazy.

[326] Don't get me wrong.

[327] But when I see you do that, I know you got some personality in there.

[328] This whole, you know, this thing that you're doing, this weird, you know, stayed response to everything.

[329] Is it dancing?

[330] You know, it's like this chosen plane of emotionless.

[331] And now, you know, this house arrest.

[332] I mean, he's like, he's that guy.

[333] You know what I'm saying?

[334] He's a celebrity.

[335] Oh, fuck yeah, he is.

[336] He's giant.

[337] Super celebrity.

[338] And, you know, and he's doing some good things.

[339] Don't get me wrong.

[340] Yeah.

[341] A lot of good things.

[342] Yeah.

[343] Not criticizing any of his work.

[344] I'm just saying he's a character.

[345] He's fascinating.

[346] Well, no. What it is is there's a – when you – The showmanship seems kind of weird when it's placed in such a close proximity to activism.

[347] It's like those two things never mix well together, which is why Anonymous is so fucking cool, because you don't know who it is.

[348] You never see them.

[349] It's just this robotic voice talking, and so their egos don't get into the mix, and it makes them so much more powerful than when you've got a human being and a human being's ego.

[350] And the ego, when it gets put into the spotlight, always is magnified.

[351] Even if you have a very refined personality that you've been working on, once you get into the moral realm of things, your ego just really sticks out.

[352] And I think that's what you're seeing.

[353] That's what everybody sees.

[354] I posted his MasterCard commercial, the new WikiLeaks MasterCard commercial.

[355] I don't know if you saw it or not.

[356] No. It's cool, but somebody posted.

[357] on my twitter they were like why does he always got to put his face on everything why does he always have to do that isn't wiki leaks bigger than him isn't the movement bigger than him as the mascot well he thinks that in the cult of personality days that we're living in i'm just gonna sue he thinks this I don't really know that he thinks this.

[358] In the cult of personality days that we live in today, that maybe it would be a good thing to have a figurehead, someone who people get attached to and follow them around and get invested in what's going on in their life.

[359] Like a Kim Kardashian, but for...

[360] Yeah.

[361] Steve Jobs.

[362] I think that Steve Jobs – well, no, I know everyone.

[363] I mean, listen, I think it's a very desirable place to be for a human being.

[364] I don't even just think that.

[365] I think maybe he thinks it helps.

[366] You think that there's a – I'm just playing devil's advocate.

[367] No. It does allow – when you do have some sort of cult of celebrity type thing going on, it does allow you to have a certain amount of guaranteed attention.

[368] This is why I think the model that Anonymous is using for hacktivism, as they call it, is so much better than the model WikiLeaks is using.

[369] It's because when someone from Anonymous gets arrested or they say they caught someone from Anonymous, it doesn't seem to affect Anonymous at all.

[370] If someone supposedly from Anonymous got caught doing some shitty thing...

[371] It doesn't really affect Anonymous because no one knows how many people are in the organization.

[372] They're Anonymous with Anonymous.

[373] Meaning like the people are members of Anonymous.

[374] They're Anonymous.

[375] But yeah, that's what's so cool about them.

[376] But don't they're all connected?

[377] They communicate with each other?

[378] Well, you got to ask.

[379] If someone gets busted, you have to assume.

[380] Yeah, I'm Red Band.

[381] What's your name?

[382] Voodoo?

[383] No, I'm sure that they, I mean, obviously there's got to be some organizing force in that group.

[384] Right.

[385] But we don't know what it is.

[386] And so because of that, it makes.

[387] them a million times more powerful because if one of them gets taken out it's like think of al -qaeda al -qaeda is this network of terrorists and um the face of al -qaeda for a while was osama bin laden so when you have a face to your organization now you've got a target and people can attack that target it's it's like when they now you know in the mainstream news they always say like there's a new face to al -qaeda and it's some other guy and you just feel so bad for that guy because you know he's gonna get killed like that guy's next to get shot by a drone or whatever but that weakens al -qaeda al -qaeda would be so much more powerful if nobody knew who their leader was dude you're giving out a good plan to the enemy Right now.

[388] The enemy.

[389] Yeah, right.

[390] The banks.

[391] You could ruin our way of life.

[392] Yeah, like Al -Qaeda.

[393] I bet Al -Qaeda tunes into the Joe Rogan experience.

[394] You never know, bro.

[395] We're in a national sun.

[396] Yeah.

[397] I got downloads from New Zealand.

[398] Holla at your boy.

[399] Who knows, man?

[400] They're pretty smart.

[401] Maybe they just put these figureheads out there just for fun.

[402] Maybe Bin Laden was just somebody's maintenance guy.

[403] And they're like, hey, would you mind playing the part of the leader of my organization?

[404] Who knows?

[405] The problem I had, by the way, going back to the Bitcoin, the problem I have with Bitcoin is that I heard that recently it was actually hacked.

[406] And so that's just right there shows you that you don't want your you want to be able to have your currency in your hand.

[407] While it's great in theory and everything like that, it's it's still like, are you going to invest in Bitcoin?

[408] Are you going to put really real money into Bitcoin?

[409] And actually, that's a gamble.

[410] Well, right now I think there's no real way to completely secure anything, right?

[411] Right.

[412] I mean, hackers eventually figure out almost anything.

[413] How to get anything.

[414] If there weren't any criminal penalties for hacking into systems, imagine what more they would accomplish if we didn't arrest the best ones.

[415] Or get them jobs.

[416] Yeah, get them jobs with the government.

[417] I'll see you on Facebook.

[418] Well, that Midnight character, he got arrested legit.

[419] And when he got out, he wasn't even allowed to go online for a certain amount of time.

[420] God, that would suck.

[421] God.

[422] You detach yourself from the cultural experience.

[423] How do they make sure you're not going online, though?

[424] How do they keep you from doing that?

[425] It's a good question.

[426] I don't know.

[427] They might just say it, and if they find evidence that you did, that's a violation of parole.

[428] Right.

[429] They probably put a chip in you.

[430] Oh, you're a hacker?

[431] Well, you get this chip.

[432] A chip inside of you?

[433] Like a dog?

[434] Yeah.

[435] So I could follow you around?

[436] Yeah, I bet if some people, if you ask them, you want to be let out early and you have a chip that you keep for the rest of your life, will let you out a year early and put this chip in you and keep it for the rest of your life so you always know where you are.

[437] A lot of people would say, okay.

[438] For a whole fucking year out of jail?

[439] But people would just cut that chip out, so you'd have to put it somewhere inside your penis.

[440] Yeah, in your penis, because you wouldn't have fucking tried.

[441] Your spine.

[442] These dudes would peel open their dick like a catfish.

[443] They would open their dick up like a catfish to try to find that thing.

[444] Don't think they're not.

[445] Go to BME.

[446] Go to Body Modification Extreme.

[447] It's the worst.

[448] Fucking...

[449] These dudes do all kinds of horrible shit to their dicks.

[450] There's dudes that...

[451] There's a guy out there somewhere.

[452] If you came up to him...

[453] and go, hey, man, I want to eat your cock.

[454] Put it on a hot dog roll for me. Chop it off.

[455] There's guys that would chop off their dick and put it off.

[456] Just because it's the ultimate, I don't give a fuck move.

[457] You want to go hardcore on me, I'll go hardcore for you.

[458] You know, if you're working, or rather you show up and there's a bar and the guy who's working has nose rings and lip rings and his ears are stretched out and he's got a tattoo on his face.

[459] What's the new ear stretch thing?

[460] I don't know.

[461] But if you saw that guy with all his nose things and ear things and lip things and you said, chop your dick off and put it on a bun for me. He might go, yeah, bitch.

[462] He might just slice off his cock for you.

[463] Yeah.

[464] Then you're back to hacking Facebook, right back into it.

[465] Back to hacking Facebook?

[466] What do you mean?

[467] Because we were talking about putting the chip in the dick.

[468] Yeah, yeah.

[469] Well, yeah, you wouldn't allow that.

[470] I heard some story about in Serbia, there was this bar that was having like every week, they were having contests to see who was the most badass.

[471] And so they were doing stupid shit like punching each other and then burning each other.

[472] It was getting really intense.

[473] And one of the guys said to the other guy, he's like, I'm going to go outside and I want you to cut off my fucking head.

[474] And he went out there and the guy chops his head off.

[475] He asked him to do it.

[476] And it was like the ultimate.

[477] He won, basically, because he went as far as he could go.

[478] This is in Serbia?

[479] Yeah, I think it was in Serbia.

[480] God damn.

[481] Now this, by the way, that story.

[482] I did not verify that story.

[483] Let's not Google that one.

[484] Let's pretend it's real.

[485] That's the one thing that I hate about Google.

[486] I don't want to lose stories like that.

[487] There's certain stories that I won't Google.

[488] No, no, no. I'm keeping that one.

[489] That one, fiction, real.

[490] It might be about Sasquatches.

[491] I don't give a shit.

[492] That one, I'm not even Googling.

[493] Well, it's like fairy tales.

[494] Back in the day, somebody told you about the legend of Johnny Appleseed, and you're just like, I have no idea to know if this is real, so it's real to me. Nobody thought Johnny Appleseed was real but you.

[495] No, Appleseed's real.

[496] Nobody, son.

[497] He actually was real.

[498] You're the only one.

[499] I've got to come out and say that I've kind of thought Johnny Appleseed was real.

[500] He's a real person.

[501] It's based on historical facts.

[502] We have the documents.

[503] Actually, yes.

[504] Ladies and gentlemen, we have the documents.

[505] I thought there was a guy who went around playing it.

[506] No, it was real.

[507] I don't think it's real.

[508] But I'm going to never look into the chop the head off story.

[509] I can kind of see it, though.

[510] Chop the head off story?

[511] You're super drunk.

[512] You've been drinking a shitload of Serbian vodka.

[513] And you probably want to end your life anyway.

[514] Your life sucks.

[515] Yeah.

[516] You're crazy.

[517] It's like the ultimate.

[518] You're hanging out with a bunch of people every week.

[519] You're stabbing each other and fucking burning each other.

[520] And you're like, let's just end this.

[521] By the way.

[522] End this and I win.

[523] It's the ultimate flipping over the table when you're playing cards and you're losing.

[524] Johnny Appleseed is real, by the way.

[525] He introduced apple trees to Ohio and Indiana and Illinois.

[526] Well, I don't even know what the Johnny Appleseed story is.

[527] Thank God.

[528] What is the Johnny Appleseed story?

[529] He became an American legend while still alive, largely because of his kind and generous ways.

[530] He had great leadership in conservation, and he pretty much was really important to apples.

[531] And back then, like a lot of people, apples were way more.

[532] popular back then because we didn't have Doritos.

[533] He was like a pioneer for apples.

[534] He actually pretty much brought apples to different parts of the country.

[535] I know this because Ohio was one of the bigger parts that grew apples and that he brought to and stuff like that.

[536] The name Johnny Appleseed to me sounds so cartoonish that for some reason I always thought it was like a Disney cartoon.

[537] He was born John Chapman.

[538] Johnny Appleseed is what they called him because he was like a superhero of apples.

[539] Was there ever a movie?

[540] An animated movie?

[541] Because I never want to watch it.

[542] I'm sure there was.

[543] Really?

[544] A Johnny Apples?

[545] I'm sure.

[546] Well, he became more of a legend in really boring schools and stuff like that.

[547] You know, like we never talked to him.

[548] Of all the legendary figures, he is pretty fucking boring.

[549] I mean, he never was an exciting figure.

[550] He went around planting apple trees.

[551] Yeah, it's like getting behind those superheroes that don't have powers.

[552] Yeah.

[553] It's like, what?

[554] Well, back then it was like, wow, you're bringing me a really good, delicious food I've never had before.

[555] No, it's great if he comes through your neighborhood.

[556] Imagine having apples for your first time.

[557] Like, hey, I'm...

[558] tired of eating poop and stuff and then they're like oh apple what this is like dessert i'm saying what he's doing is awesome no doubt about it i just didn't think it was i didn't know what the story was i thought it was like uh you know i thought it was like a winnie the pooh thing can i change the subject sure please do um because you mentioned i don't know what it is about johnny applesy man but it's a fucking conversation killer Did you order The Walking Dead comic books yet?

[559] No. I just finished the entire series.

[560] I have never gotten addicted to a comic.

[561] I think I did years and years ago.

[562] Did you tell me this already?

[563] Did we talk about this already?

[564] Somebody else did.

[565] We talked about it on the phone.

[566] How long ago was this?

[567] This was a few weeks ago.

[568] Okay.

[569] It might have been you.

[570] It probably was you.

[571] It is the – have you read the comic book?

[572] You told me about it.

[573] I actually haven't – I forgot to download it.

[574] So what's awesome about this series is – and the show is cool too.

[575] The show that came on – what was it?

[576] IFC?

[577] AMC?

[578] I can't remember.

[579] That was awesome too.

[580] But these comics, man, they are – such an accurate portrayal of what it would be like to try to survive during a zombie attack with society collapsing that you become engrossed in their struggle for survival much more than just you know zombies biting people it's not like a gore novel or gore comic book even though it is gory it's more of like the character arcs are so fucking cool because you just see these different characters go from being you know thinking that they're going to get through it or things are going to end or things are going to get better.

[581] And then realizing that things are never going to be better and watching the way personalities change, it kind of, it focuses on the idea of how if society collapsed.

[582] people would go crazy pretty fucking fast.

[583] Like there would be some people who maintained ethics and morality, but there'd be a lot of other people who immediately just discarded those things and put their survival first no matter what.

[584] And it's awesome.

[585] It looks like it's a free application too.

[586] Is it just like the first issue is free and then you can download the app?

[587] Probably, yeah.

[588] Yeah, it's called The Walking Dead on the App Store.

[589] It gets so good, man. In the last two weeks, I think I've spent over 200 bucks on the whole series.

[590] Are you serious?

[591] I got hooked.

[592] I couldn't stop.

[593] So there's a lot of issues.

[594] Yeah, there's like 78 issues.

[595] Oh, dude, that is badass.

[596] I got hooked.

[597] I couldn't stop.

[598] I couldn't stop.

[599] It's the best.

[600] It turned off, yeah.

[601] It's one of the best gifts you can give yourself because it is fucking brutal.

[602] They don't try to soften anything.

[603] There's no attempt to do the thing that movies do where it kind of gets better.

[604] There's no attempt at that.

[605] It's just...

[606] Don't tell me any more about how the stories go.

[607] Yeah, that's not really a spoiler.

[608] There's a shitload of issues, too.

[609] God damn, they all have like five stars.

[610] Yeah.

[611] Wow, this is awesome.

[612] Well, does it follow the same plot as the TV show, or is it completely different?

[613] I mean, there's, yeah, in the TV show and this, I don't know.

[614] I don't want to...

[615] Spoiler alert.

[616] What do you say?

[617] No, no, no. I don't want to hear it.

[618] Did you see the TV show?

[619] No. You haven't seen it?

[620] I haven't seen it all.

[621] I've only watched one episode.

[622] Okay.

[623] Well, then I won't say anything, but it kind of...

[624] I've got one episode I watched, and I'm like, this show's good, man. I'm going to fucking start watching this, and then I stop for some reason.

[625] It's vaguely...

[626] It is similar.

[627] They added some characters that aren't in this...

[628] But the comic book is more brutal?

[629] A million times.

[630] A million times better.

[631] A million times better?

[632] A million times better.

[633] A million.

[634] A million's a big number.

[635] A quadrillion times better.

[636] What is that?

[637] How many zeros?

[638] I just looked that up.

[639] It's like, oh man, 100 billions or something like that.

[640] I just looked it up.

[641] Is that like a thousand trillion?

[642] Is that what it is?

[643] It's so funny that you should ask that because I was on Wolfram Alpha yesterday trying to calculate.

[644] how much money it would take to give everyone in America a million dollars.

[645] And it was something like a quadrillion dollars.

[646] Cause I thought I was thinking that if we took the Forbes magazine billionaires and we took all their money away and just gave it to everybody in the United States, there'd be like the entire population, the United States would be happy and there'd be like 20 pissed off rich guys.

[647] Like who cares?

[648] But as it turns out, it's not that much money when you break it up among all those people.

[649] And the real problem with giving everyone a million dollars is that within a week, half of them will be broke.

[650] Within one week, if you gave everyone a million dollars, like you said, this is life, okay?

[651] We are going to absolve all money and all debts, and everyone on the planet is going to get a million dollars.

[652] Yes.

[653] If that was the new money, if like we said, we're all going to start equal and then we'll barter from there within two months, there'd be people that have giant corporations where they have billions of dollars and there would be people that were totally broke and there'd be people sucking dick for fucking rent money.

[654] This isn't fair.

[655] Yeah.

[656] The system's corrupt.

[657] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[658] I didn't get your break.

[659] You caught a break, you lucky piece of shit.

[660] Yeah.

[661] Fucking come after you and there's going to be people that blow it all in Vegas and there's going to be people that blow it all on.

[662] fudge you know it's true man that there are uh people who are just seem like well no it's not even that crazy it's like if you have a canoe and the the rudder on the canoe or the rudder on the ship is fucked up the ship's gonna go in circles that's just the way it works and some people they have this psych psychological rudder that's fucked up in their lives and so they always that's why you see people always going through the same patterns like you know i have friends where I've watched them again and again and again and again basically just repeat the identical mistakes over and over again but with different variables, but it's the same failure equation.

[663] But they're always just plugging in the same shitty variables, like buying a car without getting it checked out first.

[664] And what do you know?

[665] The car broke down.

[666] And what do you know?

[667] The car dealer won't give me any money back because I signed a contract when I bought the car.

[668] You know, that kind of shit.

[669] Isn't that weird?

[670] They don't fix themselves.

[671] They keep on doing the same shit, and they're not learning from their mistakes.

[672] Which seems so odd.

[673] I know so many people like that also.

[674] It just blows my mind.

[675] I think that's what karma is.

[676] When they talk about someone's karma, I think that's what it is.

[677] It's like this series.

[678] It's a combination of genetic factors, the way they look, mixing in with some thought constructs, the way they perceive reality.

[679] And those two things kind of meet together to make them always just repeat the same weird fucking cycle.

[680] I can't imagine what it's like to be in the mind of a schizophrenic.

[681] I can't imagine.

[682] what it's like to be in the minds of anyone with any real serious debilitating or disease, mental disease, anything that makes you delusional or see life from a weird...

[683] So whenever I see someone in a real bad pattern, there's parts of me that says, well, I wonder if they have a very slight mental illness or a mental illness that's...

[684] You know, I mean, there's got to be grades of mental illness.

[685] You know, there's got to be a spectrum from really completely bat shit.

[686] Charles Manson to, you know, whoa, you're just a little you've got I know we all know people that have like a distorted perception of reality and they twist reality up to kind of suit their purposes for the here and the now.

[687] You know, I think there's.

[688] There's a spectrum of crazy.

[689] And a lot of people that repeat things over and over again, there's a little crazy there.

[690] It may be not a lot, but there's some crazy.

[691] There's some disconnects.

[692] And how does that lead into full -blown, completely insane fucking shooting up a post office?

[693] I mean, is it the same path?

[694] Or is there a different path from the one few steps of crazy?

[695] But I think a lot of us have mental illnesses.

[696] Well, that's the concept of mental illness.

[697] is i sometimes i'm skeptical about certain things that people in this society call mental illness because it gets really confusing where you know for example take depression um the diagnosis of depression uh what goes along with it is you know environmental factors are you under stress is something shitty happening in your life but then also it apparently has something to do with a serotonin deficiency in your brain and so you take these antidepressants and they're called serotonin uptake re -inhibitors and they make it so that the serotonin kind of accumulates in your brain in a um uh so that it doesn't so that you have more serotonin then you start feeling better um and that's all based on this diagnosis of depression but It seems to me that they're...

[698] Even the label depression is fucking up what it really is.

[699] What's happening with these people is not depression.

[700] Depression makes it sound like it's like you got a cold or poison ivy or the flu or a rash or something like that.

[701] I don't think that's it.

[702] I think that depression is you're not interfacing with reality in the right way.

[703] You're not seeing how beautiful reality really is.

[704] You're not understanding.

[705] the potential that you have and that's resulting in, in not wanting to wake up in the morning and wanting to escape by sleeping all the time.

[706] So when doctors start saying, no, no, no, you have an endogenous depression and I'm going to prescribe to you antidepressants.

[707] It's like they're avoiding the real thing that's happening.

[708] Not now people who are on antidepressants, if it's helping you, it's great.

[709] But I think that in a way, Well, I'll just admit it.

[710] I was on antidepressants once.

[711] When I was in college, I got on antidepressants because I was fucking depressed, obviously.

[712] I fucking hated life.

[713] Everything, I mean, it was worse than hating life.

[714] It was like I couldn't feel anything.

[715] I literally could feel no emotion.

[716] Was it because of a girl or was it because of a reason of any kind?

[717] I don't think it was because of a girl, and definitely it was because of a reason.

[718] And, you know, I don't know how deep I want to get into that, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with, like, family shit and just the model that I grew up in and not understanding.

[719] You know, not understanding a lot of the stuff that I understand now.

[720] Things just seem kind of grim, beyond grim.

[721] So they put me on.

[722] The future seemed grim or life and time seemed grim.

[723] No, not even.

[724] You don't even.

[725] There's no joy in your life.

[726] It's like when somebody puts a rubber band around your finger and you can't feel it.

[727] It's like somebody's done that to your instincts.

[728] Before we go any further, I just want to stop right here for a second and say.

[729] that we're not passing any judgment on how your mind works.

[730] And no one can ever say what's going on in this person's mind.

[731] I don't know.

[732] I mean, I have a thyroid problem, and I take thyroid pills for it.

[733] It's called hypothyroidism.

[734] It's genetic.

[735] It runs in my family.

[736] My mother has it.

[737] So there's a part of me that doesn't work right.

[738] How do we know?

[739] I don't know how your brain works.

[740] There could be a part of your brain that's not working correctly, and supplementing it with certain chemicals that they treat antidepressants with could help you.

[741] So the idea that we're saying that everyone is depressed for the same reasons, I think we should...

[742] Be real careful about that.

[743] Sure.

[744] I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm saying that.

[745] No, but you're talking from your own personal experience, which is true for you.

[746] But I know people who need it.

[747] I know quite a few people who it's changed their life.

[748] So I don't know how his brain works.

[749] I would like to be him for a day.

[750] I'd like to figure out what the fuck that's all about.

[751] I would like for you to be me for a day and figure out what the fuck this is all about.

[752] You know, I think us trying to, you know, impart our thoughts on antidepressants, it's very easy to say you got to pull up your fucking boots and, you know, tighten that belt and fucking get to work and stop being such a pussy and be depressed.

[753] I think there's some people there's a legit chemical issue.

[754] There's an imbalance or something.

[755] Well, I'll tell you what I did.

[756] Well, I was on this shit called Zoloft.

[757] Right.

[758] Couldn't come.

[759] It like made it so that I couldn't fucking come.

[760] That's the shit that Phil Hartman's wife was on when she killed him.

[761] I didn't know that.

[762] They won a lawsuit.

[763] I don't know how much money they got, but she was on Zoloft and cocaine apparently, which makes you completely crazy.

[764] Zoloft and cocaine together apparently incite some sort of psychotic reaction.

[765] Well, what happened?

[766] Allegedly.

[767] I didn't feel like psychotic, but it was definitely put me in this like, I wouldn't call it a better place, but a more tranquil place.

[768] It was like there was some tranquility.

[769] But what ended up happening is I went on like a week and a half long camping trip out in the woods and just and stopped taking the antidepressants and it was out, you know, way out in the fucking woods.

[770] The coolest thing about going on a really long camping trip is no mirrors.

[771] You don't have a mirror to look at yourself and you forget how important mirrors are or how looking at yourself is this fascinating thing that people do all day long.

[772] You look at yourself to see how you look or where you're at or you look tired or you look happy or your hair is fucked up.

[773] When that's gone...

[774] it's awesome you're not looking now you're now the reflection is in other people the way that the people you're hanging out with are reacting to you the reflection is in nature instead of in the mirror and anyway like by the end of that camping trip i felt happy i felt stable and like good and like connected and the world seemed beautiful it was like i just needed to get outside i just needed to get get out of the environment that i was in and like be in the presence of like real nature with like with hawks flying in the air i uh it really did i mean i don't want to say it fixed me but it definitely the effect of just being in nature for eight days exceeded the effect of being on zoloft for six months by a hundred times and so what i'm saying is yeah definitely people have I mean, think of this is a fucking very complicated computer floating around in our skulls here.

[775] And you can't think that everyone's computer is just going to function correctly or there aren't going to be some wires that are mixed up.

[776] But I'm not certain that psychiatrists, when they prescribe these antidepressants, are also suggesting alternate ways to live in ways that to and i know that some people take antidepressants in conjunction with psychologists but again to me it seems like It seems like when you go to a psychologist while you're on an antidepressant, maybe you're distancing yourself a little bit from some emotions that you really need to be feeling, some places that you really need to be.

[777] Now, I agree with you.

[778] If you're on antidepressants out there and they're helping you, keep taking the fucking antidepressants.

[779] But if you're on antidepressants and you just kind of feel like you're putting a bandaid on something or numb, there are other ways to escape from the evil grip of depression, which is the worst, man. I do have some like depressed friends and it's, it's like being in a quicksand pit emotionally.

[780] You don't know how to get the fuck out and it's a nightmare.

[781] It's a nightmare, but there are, you know, nature is a very powerful thing and that's where we're supposed to be anyway.

[782] You know, that's where we, our ancestors came from and it's been a very short time that we haven't been out there.

[783] What do you think it is though that causes people to get in that?

[784] If it's not, um, a chemical issue, if it's truly just a behavioral issue or a thought process issue that causes people to become depressed and get caught in that funk, what purpose do you think that serves?

[785] Like, why is that there?

[786] You know, do you look at things like that?

[787] Like, I look at addictions, you know, and I'm always like, well, why is that there?

[788] I look at compulsive behavior.

[789] Why the fuck is that there?

[790] There's got to be an issue for that.

[791] Like, I think, I mean, but whatever, regardless of what I think, why do you think that's there?

[792] The depression?

[793] Yeah, why is depression there?

[794] Why is there this thing that's like a consistent thing amongst groups of people and it's very common?

[795] What would be the purpose of that in nature?

[796] I don't know if there's a purpose to it.

[797] Do you think it's a symptom of the way we're living?

[798] It's called, there's this...

[799] idea called the gunas and it's the modes of material the material universe the uh in hinduism in some forms of hinduism the material universe gets broken up into three forms it gets simplified into these three forms called the gunas which is the mode of ignorance the mode of passion and the mode of goodness and so everything everyone is experiencing some version of these modes of being so these modes they attribute them to certain to like you know, parts of the world.

[800] So cities are considered to be in the mode of passion.

[801] Places where things are rotting, like junk heaps and places where there's a lot of death are considered to be in the mode of ignorance.

[802] And nature is considered to be in the mode of goodness.

[803] So there's symptoms of each of people who are in each of these modes.

[804] So people who are in the mode of ignorance, the symptoms are very similar to the symptoms of depression.

[805] They are attract, they sleep.

[806] Too much.

[807] They sleep all the time.

[808] They eat shitty food.

[809] The way they put it is they eat dead.

[810] They eat dead things.

[811] But what that means is they eat.

[812] They're not eating things that are good for them.

[813] They're just eating things that are poison.

[814] Or the way they put it is they eat things that taste bad and make you feel bad.

[815] That's how they say it.

[816] Now, the mode of passion is the symptoms of the mode of passion are you want to fuck.

[817] You want to make money.

[818] You're out there.

[819] You're working.

[820] You're Mike Tyson in his prime.

[821] You're fucking like you're.

[822] you're just fully into the universe and the way they put it is you eat things that taste good but that make you feel bad is the way they put it.

[823] So you eat like people you're drawn to like shit that like in the initially is like rich food.

[824] Yeah.

[825] Rich food and stuff like that.

[826] Or even, you know, experientially, you know, you're like doing like crazy share eating ecstasy, you know, that makes you feel good in the moment.

[827] But then the end result is you kind of like are hung over for half a week.

[828] If you take impure non -pharmaceutical grade MDMA, which would be awesome to have then.

[829] then then uh the mode of goodness is um the way they put that is um you'll you eat things that maybe don't taste so great initially but then make you feel really good that are really good for you you know like um some people would say initially when you start exercising it's in the mode of goodness because when you are fucking convince your body to get out of bed and go for a jog sometimes it's like be it's the best feeling on the planet but when you first get going it doesn't feel that great you've got to like get your body to lumber limber again and get out there again but man when the afternoon rolls around after a morning run and you feel your muscles are aching and your bodies are more relaxed than it's been you feel great so that's because you did something that could be considered in the mode of goodness so to answer your question i think depression is the modern terminology for people who have gotten themselves primarily in the mode of ignorance.

[830] A way to get out of the mode of ignorance is to, it sounds kind of obvious, but to begin to engage in things that are more in the mode of passion or the mode of goodness.

[831] People will tell you, if you're feeling depressed, go jogging.

[832] Go jogging.

[833] Drink some smoothies.

[834] Take vitamins.

[835] Start taking care of your body.

[836] Clean your house.

[837] Depressed people have filthy houses.

[838] They inevitably, because they're literally laying in dead shit.

[839] You go to a depressed person's house and there will inevitably be rotting food.

[840] They leave rotting food out and they're filthy.

[841] And that's like what the mode of ignorance is.

[842] And the reason they're doing that is because they're avoiding taking care of things.

[843] They can't push themselves out of it.

[844] Is it possible that being in a pattern like that for a certain period of time can alter your brain chemistry to the point where it's actually met?

[845] measurable where they can say oh you have a def deficient you know blah blah blah this part of your brain and it's because the real reason is because of your pattern of thinking but it's diagnosed as a chemical issue yeah just like your pattern of eating if you eat certain things for a certain amount of time you turn into a fatty you know it's like it's the same thing it's just a more of a probably a neurological form of that you know it's a neurological obesity but again this is where we're just guessing that this is for you know this is for very specific types of mental illnesses that the types that you know you feel like you had not for people that have some sort of a congenital issue where their brains not functioning correctly from the get -go well i i think that for people who are depressed and you've solely been listening to a psychiatrist, their prognosis, they can feel like they're in a pretty dire situation because they've been convinced that their, their motherboard is fucked up.

[846] And the only cure for it is corporate created chemicals that they have to take for the rest of their lives.

[847] And if they get off of it and they get dizzy and fucked up and they'll just end up cutting their wrists.

[848] Now, I think that.

[849] That's a pretty sad state of being to be in where the only way that you think you can feel normal is by enjoying these.

[850] corporate manufactured synthetic forms of happiness.

[851] You know, that's the only way.

[852] It's like, imagine only being able to smell synthetic flower smells like shitty Paris Hilton perfumes.

[853] Well, I think that's what, you know, that's how you could smell flowers.

[854] Well, I think that's what some antidepressants are.

[855] I think a corporation came up with a way to cook your brain in a certain way with these chemicals to allow you to experience a synthetic version of happiness as opposed to an authentic version of happiness.

[856] And I think that for many, many, many people who are depressed on antidepressants, and perhaps this is naive.

[857] And again, if your antidepressants are really making you happy, then you're fucking happy.

[858] But I think that there are ways to shift your vibe, to change your life, to work on the different things that you, the loose streams that are hanging out of your life and start experiencing like real happiness, which is.

[859] I think that's a hopeful thing to hear if you're super depressed.

[860] I think you're putting down a great guideline.

[861] All I'm saying is that I don't think it applies to everyone.

[862] And I think there are people that have a serious biochemical issue.

[863] There are a lot of people that are your way as well, though.

[864] Some people get real sensitive about this, and they're right.

[865] Some people say, hey, man, you guys shouldn't be saying that.

[866] You don't know what the fuck it's like.

[867] My situation, I'm not crazy.

[868] I had an issue.

[869] I try to be as positive as possible, but I have an issue.

[870] Let me just say one more time so that I don't get a shitload of angry Facebook messages.

[871] I am in no way advocating getting off your medication.

[872] I'm not saying stop taking your medication, bro, and just go smell a flower.

[873] I'm not saying that at all.

[874] I'm just saying there is hope that you don't have to pay however much you're paying a month to take those chemicals.

[875] I really think that there are really common sense things that people just forget about when they get depressed.

[876] Because when you're depressed, you just forget.

[877] Like sunlight.

[878] Yeah, like sunlight.

[879] Cleaning your fucking house.

[880] Get a maid.

[881] Open the windows.

[882] Get a maid.

[883] Just get a maid to clean your house if you're too down to clean your house.

[884] Just get a maid.

[885] Go find a nice library that's air conditioned and sit in the library and read or write while a maid cleans your house and come back to your clean house and see how good that makes you feel.

[886] Simple little tiny, tiny little things that you can try that will alleviate some of the environmental things that are keeping that depressive cycle going.

[887] Dude, you should be a life coach.

[888] I got a bachelor's degree in psychology, Joe.

[889] Do you?

[890] Yeah, I do.

[891] But that doesn't mean anything.

[892] That's why I always call Duncan for advice.

[893] Meaningless.

[894] Do you remember when you were dating a particular girl and she was trying to get you to quit comedy and you were going to go work on your PhD?

[895] I certainly do.

[896] You should have done that.

[897] How rude.

[898] What a dick.

[899] Just kidding.

[900] Do you mean that right?

[901] No. Dude, little hobo's going to visit you in the middle of the night right now.

[902] The next bad trip you have, little hobo's going to be there to hold your hand and take you on a walk between the hollow.

[903] Oh, man. Yeah, I remember those days.

[904] That was so crazy.

[905] But you know what, man?

[906] There is some part of me that to this day thinks about what that kind of life would be like.

[907] For the show that I was working on for Comedy Central that didn't get picked up, Thank you.

[908] That video is hilarious, by the way.

[909] It's on the web, the Stoned Ape Theory.

[910] If people want to Google, what's the best way to find that video?

[911] Google search Stoned Ape Theory on YouTube.

[912] It pops up right away.

[913] Does it?

[914] There's a lot of articles on the Stoned Ape Theory too, right?

[915] Yeah, I think it's right under you talking about the Stoned Ape Theory on YouTube.

[916] Actually, what's the other video, the body surfing one you did with Tim and Eric?

[917] That was fucking hilarious.

[918] That's called Legend of the Pipers.

[919] Have you seen that?

[920] It's the second one.

[921] If you Google it, there's a second one.

[922] The second one shows a little monkey in an animation.

[923] It's an animated.

[924] It says clip from Comedy Central's pilot, Thunderbrain.

[925] You've got to see it because it's fucking awesome.

[926] Thanks, Joe.

[927] It's really fun.

[928] But when we were doing that, we were getting some B -roll of like scientific, just me like around super crazy scientific shit.

[929] So we were in like a. laboratory that was working on solar panels.

[930] And there was a doctor there who was working on trying to lower the cost of producing solar panels so that it becomes a feasible option for people and we can get off our addiction to oil.

[931] Strangely, his study was being funded by BP, which was really confusing to me. I didn't understand that.

[932] And I asked him, BP, why are they trying to get solar panels going?

[933] Doesn't that hurt them?

[934] And he's like, corporations are, there's so many different you know wings and parts of a corporation that some of them don't even agree with each other with what they're doing but anyway I said wow man it must feel really good to be working on something that if you like figure out what you want to figure out it will transform the planet for the better and he like in all seriousness no hint of irony or anything weird he looked at me and he's like well it's our sacred duty to help humanity And it was like, oh, fuck, man, that is really cool.

[935] Because this isn't like some, this guy's not bullshitting.

[936] He's not just like, it's some bar leaning over.

[937] He's not on a podcast slurping back, coconut water stoned out of his mind.

[938] He's in a laboratory fucking working on solar panels.

[939] Right.

[940] Because he believes it's his sacred duty to help humanity.

[941] You know, he's pushing it to the nth degree there.

[942] You know, and I found that like.

[943] There's something about something real about something real about it.

[944] And, you know, to this day, I think, well, you know, I know that stand up helps people.

[945] It makes them laugh.

[946] And I think it's a very potent art form.

[947] But still, I think, man, I wonder.

[948] You always kind of wonder, what if I had become a psychologist?

[949] What if I had done that and really gone deep into understanding the inner workings and the mechanisms that make human beings get into these shitty patterns?

[950] Maybe I would have come up with some great way to help people.

[951] Something more than a joke about spraying cum on the Pentagon.

[952] You know what I mean?

[953] But I really love my life.

[954] I think it's a bad thing.

[955] As long as you're enjoying yourself, I think it's a bad thing to question what if I'd be happier, what if this, what if that.

[956] If you find something, it could be anything, but if you find something that agrees with your personality and you're passionate about it and you pursue it.

[957] There's goodness in that.

[958] There's certainly goodness in creating new solar panels that are more efficient and allow us.

[959] There's certainly goodness to get away from the grid and get away from the need for foreign oil and all that jazz.

[960] But there's also good in everything, man. There's good in being a badass soccer player.

[961] People want to watch some fucking Diego Maradona motherfucker who kicks the goal in when it's not supposed to.

[962] It's a really close game and this fucking guy manages to wiggle through and knock one in.

[963] Michael Jordan character shoots that three -pointer to win the game.

[964] When you see things like that, anything you see, whether it's a beautiful painting, whether it's some book that you read that really fucking was gripping, you couldn't put it down, all those things enhance life.

[965] They all create energy.

[966] They all create bursts of energy.

[967] Some definitely, when you look in terms of the greater good for humanity, some will definitely be better.

[968] It's much better to create a great solar panel than to write a dick joke.

[969] But, you know, as long as you're doing what you want to do.

[970] I think if there's one thing that you can harp on in this life is that don't do a bunch of shit that you don't really want to do because you're not sure if you can do what you want to do because if you do what you want to do, it's hard and you might not make it.

[971] Fuck, man. You're going to live a life of second -guessing and failure and you're never going to believe in yourself.

[972] You're going to know that you never went after the one thing that you really truly wanted.

[973] That's whether whether whatever the fuck it is, man, whether it's being a solar panel scientist, whether it's being a guy writes fucking classical music, whatever the fuck it is, man. You just got to find what that thing is.

[974] Yeah, there's a I always do this.

[975] I'm sorry.

[976] I always quote the Bhagavad Gita.

[977] That's one of the most awesome things to quote ever.

[978] There is a quote in the Bhagavad Gita that goes, it's better to be an honest street sweeper than a dishonest king.

[979] Or it's very dangerous to follow another man's path.

[980] And so the idea is just exactly what you said.

[981] You should do what you're drawn to, not what you think you should be doing.

[982] You should do the thing that you're attracted to doing.

[983] That's what you're meant to be.

[984] That's who you are.

[985] That's what you're meant to be.

[986] You know, if you saw a dog that was trying to act like a horse.

[987] It would be hilarious, but it would be kind of sad and fucked up.

[988] You know, it's like you're supposed to be.

[989] What makes a thing beautiful is when it's in its purest form, not when it's trying to create an alternate version of what it is.

[990] Like when that lady was dressing her chimp up and putting diapers on him and shit.

[991] And then one day just ripped her face.

[992] How to let everybody know what the fuck is up.

[993] God, that's so fucked up when people put lipstick on a chimp.

[994] Oh, that's the chimp.

[995] Tweet your own, Duncan.

[996] Tweet your own.

[997] Unless you're drawn to putting lipstick on chimps, in which case, go for it.

[998] Yeah, if that's your thing, man. Yeah.

[999] You never know.

[1000] Yeah, I think you're absolutely right, though.

[1001] You got to find it, whatever the fuck it is.

[1002] For some people, though, it's hard to find.

[1003] You're stuck in some shitty fucking town.

[1004] There's nothing to do.

[1005] Everybody around you is retarded.

[1006] That becomes an issue.

[1007] Well, you got to start.

[1008] You know the thing you got to start with doing?

[1009] You've got to start, even if you're not a comedian, this is the thing I realized, you've got to start carrying a notebook around with you or a little piece of whatever, something to write your thoughts down on.

[1010] Because throughout the day, you have really cool thoughts.

[1011] You have really interesting thoughts.

[1012] Some people don't.

[1013] Well, I think that...

[1014] I think it's like fishing.

[1015] And I think that your notebook or your pad of paper is your fishing net for thought for ideas.

[1016] And if you haven't been fishing for a long time, yeah, you don't have a lot of ideas.

[1017] But if you just start getting in the habit of even if you don't think you're going to like have amazing ideas every day.

[1018] You just have sometimes really low level ideas, really simple, basic ideas or even something you need to take care of.

[1019] If you start writing that shit down, then.

[1020] I think the bigger ideas start coming because you've got your nets out.

[1021] That's a great point.

[1022] I like that idea.

[1023] I like the way you describe it, that it's a net.

[1024] That sounds cool.

[1025] But let's face it, some of those nets are going to be like, Mountain Dew Code Red is good.

[1026] Sure, why not?

[1027] It's like people's Twitter feeds, man. Your Twitter feed is a 140 -character net.

[1028] I mean, there's certain people on Twitter that I just had to stop following.

[1029] I had to stop following when I signed up.

[1030] If you're following me on Twitter and you see that thing, the Joe Rogan daily, and people go, hey, put me in your daily.

[1031] I have no say over who goes in that.

[1032] This is what it is.

[1033] It's just a program that I signed up for, and what it basically does is I follow a lot of interesting people on Twitter, and it'll take links from their stories that they put up on Twitter, and then it'll put together like a little newspaper of the top things.

[1034] I don't know how it categorizes them.

[1035] I have no idea how it does it.

[1036] What people are probably saying though is when they say put you in their daily, there is the option to put certain people in your daily.

[1037] So it will kind of focus onto them.

[1038] Oh, really?

[1039] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1040] Oh, so you can actually program it?

[1041] Yeah, you could kind of do little tweaks here and there, like having a group of friends that it grabs from more than other group of friends.

[1042] Oh, wow.

[1043] I played around with it, but who fucking cares?

[1044] That's cool.

[1045] Yeah, I might have to look into it.

[1046] But you can't specifically pick an article or anything.

[1047] Yeah, I don't think so.

[1048] And that's what sucks.

[1049] So you pick a group of friends, and then Duncan says, hey, look at my penis.

[1050] You like to do my penis?

[1051] And then it looks like you picked it out.

[1052] Yeah.

[1053] One of my favorite tweets.

[1054] Following Duncan to look at my penis tweets are in abundance.

[1055] I can't stop tweeting.

[1056] I want people to look at my penis.

[1057] It's important to me. You haven't been here since that Anthony Weiner guy.

[1058] Weiner.

[1059] Yeah, Anthony Weiner.

[1060] Are we really, I mean, is this a real life thing or is this a movie?

[1061] It really does.

[1062] As things go on, you know, the concept of life as a hologram or life as some sort of a computer simulation, it sounds great and funny and, you know, like, wow, that's crazy, but what if?

[1063] But every now and then, a thing like this Anthony Wiener, Andrew Wiener, what was his name?

[1064] Anthony Wiener.

[1065] Anthony, it was Anthony?

[1066] I think it was Anthony Wiener.

[1067] Whatever the fuck his first name is, his last name is unmistakable.

[1068] Unmistakable?

[1069] Unmistakable.

[1070] And the idea that that guy would get into some dick situation, it almost feels like we're being fucked with.

[1071] It feels like a prank.

[1072] It feels like...

[1073] As, you know, whatever, the end of time rolls closer and closer, reality is getting so fucking weird that it almost is begging us to not take it seriously anymore.

[1074] That's awesome.

[1075] It's almost like, have you seen Michelle Bachman?

[1076] Do you know who Michelle Bachman is?

[1077] Yeah, I know about the Gacy gaffe.

[1078] How about her fucking husband is gay as shit?

[1079] Oh, I didn't know that.

[1080] Dude, Dave Foley tweeted this about Michelle Bachman.

[1081] Bachman's husband being this guy who performs these anti -gay things where they fix gay people, anti -gay counseling.

[1082] Those guys are always gay who do that.

[1083] Oh, dude, please pull up that guy.

[1084] Pull up, I think Marcus Bachman is his name.

[1085] allegedly homosexual.

[1086] I'll let the people decide.

[1087] But my God, he seems gay.

[1088] Holy shit, he seems gay.

[1089] Do you know about her John Wayne, the thing she did with John Wayne Gacy?

[1090] No. She was in the town where Gacy killed a lot of people and she said something along the lines of like, well, you know, I believe in the words of John Wayne or, you know, I believe in the spirit of John Wayne because she thought John Wayne was from that town and didn't know it was John Wayne Gacy.

[1091] She confused one of the most notorious serial killers ever with one of the most loved movie stars.

[1092] A great cowboy.

[1093] And she was like saying, she's such an idiot.

[1094] What's her deal, man?

[1095] Is she running for president or something?

[1096] Fuck yeah, she is.

[1097] Check this out, though.

[1098] This is from like two years ago, right?

[1099] Is it the original thing two years ago?

[1100] Yeah, I believe so.

[1101] His voice, I mean, it's hilarious when you hear this.

[1102] You gotta hear him.

[1103] He's as gay as the day is long, man. He's just as gay.