#157 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky

[0] Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

[1] The dynamic doer are here, ladies and gentlemen.

[2] The funniest couple I know.

[3] The only couple of comedians worth a fuck.

[4] Wow.

[5] There's a couple of other ones.

[6] I guess Duncan and Natasha are still hanging there.

[7] Oh, I like them.

[8] But they haven't pulled the trigger, made that shit legal.

[9] Tom Seguer and Christina Seguerah, who doesn't use the last name Seguer on stage?

[10] No. Why do you not?

[11] Why do you not?

[12] Together you are more strong.

[13] Do you want the real talk?

[14] Legally, my name is Sigora.

[15] But stage and because...

[16] Official documents, kid.

[17] But because my parents are Hungarian immigrants, they escaped from Hungary in 1969, went to Canada, I was born there.

[18] I moved to L .A. in 1980.

[19] Right.

[20] So that stupid Polok Pajitsky name, it's like my parents fought so hard to get me here.

[21] And every time I see a club put it on the marquee, it makes me proud.

[22] and it's a little stick it to, you know, I'm a fucking dumb Polack and you guys can suck it.

[23] Wow.

[24] That's who I am and, you know.

[25] That's very, very admirable.

[26] Don't you think they would like it more, though, if their name didn't hold you back and keep you from succeeding?

[27] Yes, absolutely, Jeremy.

[28] There's nobody can remember your fucking name.

[29] Say it again, Pazzyzzyzzyzky.

[30] Pajitsky.

[31] Good luck spelling that.

[32] Yeah, good luck on Jeopardy for all the marbles.

[33] The other thing is at what point, like, if you've started, would you consider a name, like, obviously, you know, 20 years in or 10 or 5 but like after you've done a right it's true yeah and you have your name right change your name people like who fuck are you yeah you could you could you could fuck yourself up because we didn't from scratch you were what you were seven years in when whatever you do don't hyphenate that shit that's a goddamn cop out is a trice I agree with you I knew a dude who hyphenated and he took the wife's name last what yeah somebody lost somebody failed babe we're not doing yeah he was also self -progressed never claimed feminist who's a male feminist really I believe that can exist but I don't know I don't like the concept of feminist anymore than I like the concept of masculinist I like the concept of someone who's masculine centric that's ridiculous and who the fuck is more masculine centric than me I mean everything I do is meathead shit right fucking cage fighting and choking people and smoking weed fucking getting on stage talking about pets come on but I don't want to just be I'm not only concerned with men I'm concerned with men I'm with the whole fucking human race.

[34] As soon as you start going only one...

[35] I mean, you like to dance.

[36] I dance my ass off of you.

[37] I did take dancing classes.

[38] You did?

[39] Yeah, I did a dance scene in Zookeeper.

[40] That's awesome.

[41] With the lovely Leslie Bibb, the gorgeous blonde woman from Talladega Nights.

[42] Yeah, she played my ex -girlfriend.

[43] It was so cool.

[44] I rarely, rarely get to act.

[45] And my scenes are with her and Rosario Dawson and Kevin James.

[46] I was like, oh, so cool.

[47] Yeah, she was really funny.

[48] She's a lady.

[49] She was great.

[50] in all those scenes.

[51] I wish I could tell you some shit that this chick would say when we're hanging around like in between scenes we're in the van on the way she's fucking hilarious but at a respect for her and I would not repeat anything she said because they were quite shocking oh that must be really funny stuff she's hilarious she's like a comic she's like a female comic that's great she's hilarious and cool as fuck you're very balanced you like these alpha male things but I find you to be very balanced and you appreciate well I mean the alpha male stuff you know what at all I mean, I wouldn't say alpha male stuff, just masculine type things.

[52] Yes, you are masculine.

[53] But I like.

[54] Why am I supposed to pretend that I don't like something?

[55] I like loud Mustangs.

[56] I like when you rev the engine and it's stupid.

[57] He goes, I have a Mustang and I love, it's my favorite car.

[58] It's the dumbest car I have.

[59] But you know what's good about it?

[60] It's loud as fuck and it's stupid.

[61] And I like listening to Leonard Skinnerd music in that really fucking loud.

[62] And you know, yeah, you go, look, you fucking loser.

[63] I don't care.

[64] That is what I like.

[65] I like watching MMA.

[66] I like playing pool till fucking 6th o 'clock in the morning.

[67] These are the things I actually enjoy.

[68] I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I, because I did for a long time in my life.

[69] When I was growing up, I always felt like there was something wrong with me. You know, like, first of all, I grew up in Boston, which is a very pussy -wipped town.

[70] I mean, it's a very manly town, but there's not a lot of women there.

[71] And especially amongst, quote -unquote, intellectuals, you know, it's, I mean, if you hanging around college people, the amount of colleges per capita is really high.

[72] It's like one of the highest numbers in the country.

[73] Boston, Boston, 61, I think.

[74] Yeah, college and universities.

[75] And so most people are really educated, most people are intelligence.

[76] And when you get, like, a lot of educated, intelligent people, and they're trying to impress people, they tend to go towards the super liberal.

[77] They tend to go towards the, you know, there's something wrong with you.

[78] You're a barbarian.

[79] You need to evolve.

[80] They tend to go, like, you would tell someone that you do martial arts, and they would look at you like you're insecure, like there's something wrong with you for pursuing that.

[81] This is something you need.

[82] need to get past.

[83] I've had those conversations with people where they judge you for the things you enjoy doing.

[84] And what they're basically trying to do is, look, no one wants to fucking run hills.

[85] No one wants to beat a tire with a sledgehammer.

[86] No one wants to do rounds on the bag.

[87] No one wants to take class and fucking strangle people for hours and hours.

[88] But the only way to get good at all that stuff is to do that.

[89] So if you can persuade other people to not get good at all the things that make you uncomfortable, then you don't have to feel as uncomfortable.

[90] So if everybody was scrawny and sick and smoke cigarettes and drank whiskey all day, you wouldn't have to worry about getting your ass kicked.

[91] And ultimately, that's one of the reasons how, one of the things and the motivations for people, when they do, like, get upset at people for liking other things.

[92] You know, if you actually love, what do you like hot rods?

[93] Yeah, it's threatening.

[94] Yeah, what are you doing, stupid?

[95] You like hot rods and big dogs?

[96] Like, what do you like big dogs?

[97] Yeah, but the people that say that are always the, like, if they're that critical about what you enjoy, it's because they're less happy.

[98] Oh, they're insecure.

[99] It takes you a while to realize that, though.

[100] I thought they were right and they would be angry and critical with me about things and I would think that they were right and I would say wow you know maybe I am a high and then I would then eventually it took me a while to go why do they care it took me a while to go why are they giving me a hard time for things that I enjoy if I like listening to kiss I like kiss I'll be in my car come on and love me I'll sing along yeah I think I think most people don't get to that point I think it is something you start to figure out as you get older but then I was having this thought literally earlier today don't you you ever look back and think about people that like were in high school with you that you feel like had that clarity but you don't realize it until you're older you're like that person's disposition and their they got it at like 15 yeah I think it's their parents yeah you grow up in an environment where your parents are you know your parents don't buy the bullshit it's way easy to not buy the bullshit yeah you know my parents were very unusual my dad is a my stepfather's a hippie and he was a computer program and then an architect He's a very, very bright guy who was always, you know, a pot smoker, too, when I was young.

[101] And you openly, like, would tell you, like, him?

[102] Or would you smoke with him?

[103] I smoked with him when I was eight.

[104] What?

[105] No way.

[106] Just once to see what it was like, because I asked him.

[107] I'm like, what are you doing?

[108] We guys are smoking pot?

[109] What is that?

[110] And he goes, you want to try it?

[111] And I go, can I?

[112] He goes, yeah.

[113] He goes just a little, but you can try it.

[114] And he gave me it.

[115] I don't remember the effects.

[116] I don't remember what happened.

[117] Probably fuck my brain up for life.

[118] Yeah.

[119] But I was taught really early on.

[120] Don't believe the hype You know That there's a lot out there That's bullshit You know A lot of laws that Like I would get I got confused About something being illegal I'm like But it's illegal This is illegal And you know My stepfather was always like Let me tell you something Laws that are not there To protect people They don't They don't need to be there Those laws are nonsense And it was a really interesting Way he put it The laws that don't protect anybody Are just bullshit laws And I was like wow Who the fuck ever thought And then it really is when you really start to think about personal choice laws.

[121] Like I remember in New York, you couldn't get tattooed.

[122] Like tattoos were illegal.

[123] Like for a while back in the 90s, I had to go to Connecticut to get a tattoo.

[124] And I was like, how fucking stupid is this?

[125] You know, when I grew up in Boston, kickboxing was illegal.

[126] We used to have to go to Rhode Island to fight.

[127] We could fight in Taekwendo tournaments in Massachusetts, but we had to go to Rhode Island to fight.

[128] Like, why?

[129] The more laws there are, the more problems there are.

[130] Let people figure out what the fuck they like and let them pursue it.

[131] You know, we got way too much, we have way too many laws and we have way too many people that have a career in not just protecting these laws, but enforcing these laws and building more laws.

[132] It's like, there's a whole business.

[133] It's like, you know, we always say, people always say, kill the lawyers first.

[134] Oh, for sure.

[135] It really is ridiculous, like, when they can catch little imperfections in the text and the language of things are written and they can exploit these things.

[136] And it's like, why is everything so fucking complex?

[137] It is a business, you know.

[138] Or the lawsuit, yeah, to sue somebody over.

[139] You know, in Hungary, there's an amusement park that the roller coaster is made out of wood.

[140] And it doesn't even stop to let you on.

[141] Yeah, dude, it's from like the Russian communist.

[142] And it's the most fun and scary as shit, because you could fucking die.

[143] Fuck that.

[144] And how slow does it go to get on?

[145] Maybe like five down to five.

[146] And you literally, like the people in it jump off.

[147] You run it.

[148] And then the fucking bar doesn't even come down on your lap.

[149] It's like this, and you better hold the fuck on.

[150] because you're going to think but you think anybody sues the amusement park if they fall up no it's your fault dummy you wrote the roller coaster well I think you should be able to sue for certain things I certainly think they should fix the fucking roller coaster that that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying is that there's a lot of laws like they're in place that just don't need to be right yeah it's all and it should be common sense and public opinion and you know it's common sense to not buy crack if you want crack you can get crack yeah crack's illegal there's no there's no crack people that are out in the street protesting why crack isn't legal there's no crack advocates there's no crack legislators you know but you can go get it if you want to go get it you can go get it you want to really you want to arrest the guy who's selling it this poor fuck that's running around selling crack what you need to do is make treatment centers and you need to do is find out what the fuck happened this poor kid that he thinks it's okay to sell crack you know I mean that's the real fundamental problem anybody look I don't know anybody if I said hey man I'm gonna we're gonna we're going to sell something that makes your dick fall off.

[151] You know, they know it's going to make their dick fall off, but we're going to sell it anyway.

[152] Are you down?

[153] You want to down to make some money?

[154] I don't know a single person that would go, what?

[155] I want to make people's dick fall off?

[156] Fuck.

[157] So if you wouldn't do that, would you sell crack then?

[158] Would you sell something that's going to ruin people's lives?

[159] Of course you wouldn't.

[160] There's no way you would do that.

[161] Nobody would want that over their head.

[162] I mean, even if it was a lot of money, man, you would consider it because you really do hate to be broke.

[163] But you don't want to do anything ultimately that ruins lives.

[164] So that's the real issue.

[165] The real issue is why are these people willing to sell crack?

[166] Why are these people willing to put other people's lives and put themselves and their wants and their selfish desires ahead of all these other people's lives?

[167] That's the real problem.

[168] To desperate world, desperate situation.

[169] Yeah, it's not the crack is legal.

[170] It's that anybody would want crack.

[171] The real real root of the problem is not that crack's illegal.

[172] It's that why would anybody want crack?

[173] That's the real problem.

[174] If you ever smelled crack, it smells terrible.

[175] The real problem is who's educating the children, who's raising them, who's exposing them certain things, who's protecting them, who's making sure that you develop a person that doesn't have anger and hate and selfishness inside them to the point where they want to sell people to poison.

[176] There's a lot of, that they're addicted to.

[177] A lot of shitty parents.

[178] A lot of shitty parents, man. That is the real root of the issue.

[179] That's the real, real root of the issue.

[180] You see it in adults, you go, you can tell right away, like you had a really bad upbringing.

[181] Well, you see it when you have kids and your kids are around other people's kids.

[182] You see people fucking scream at kids When you know where they learn that shit from You know you see them angry and hit each other with sticks and shit You know you see weird shit with kids that you know it's from it's going on at home Did you see that video that lady the young girl getting beat by her father was a judge?

[183] I saw that Dude, you don't even want to watch it It's horrendous she was 16 at the time and her dad is a judge in Texas and he's the family planning judge Yeah, yeah Oh, of course Beat her with a belt for download She's downloading shit off the internet.

[184] I think she downloaded some illegal stuff off the internet, like, you know, wares or something like songs, songs, was the music.

[185] So she downloaded it illegal.

[186] He beat her with a fucking belt.

[187] I mean, beat her, like full blast whips.

[188] And he's yelling, I didn't get my lick in.

[189] I didn't get my lick in.

[190] And this is a guy who did not know he was recording, right?

[191] Being recorded, right?

[192] So this is what this guy's like.

[193] That's when it's really terrifying.

[194] When you see people behind their mask, you know, this guy is, his mask is that he's a judge.

[195] And by the way, they're not even.

[196] going to pursue charges against this guy.

[197] Well, they said there was a statute to talk about laws.

[198] There was statute of limitations on that.

[199] Yeah, that's insane.

[200] That's insane.

[201] That's insane.

[202] That's not even just beating your kid.

[203] We used a weapon.

[204] That guy should be in jail forever.

[205] Fuck him.

[206] You, you pussy.

[207] You hit a little girl with a belt.

[208] What?

[209] Because your life is frustrating?

[210] Because you're getting old because your dick doesn't work anymore?

[211] Which is it?

[212] Which is it that causes you to pull the trigger on beating your fucking baby with a belt?

[213] Oh, my.

[214] Mind, I would, I would never stop hitting that guy if I saw that happen.

[215] I would never stop hitting that guy.

[216] I would never run out of one more.

[217] I would just keep giving him one more.

[218] Fuck you.

[219] You want to beat a baby with a belt, a girl?

[220] You fucking piece of shit.

[221] That that could even be argued that that guy is not a plague, a blight on society.

[222] You fucking shithead.

[223] You could do that to your daughter.

[224] Man, shun you.

[225] fuck you should live on a mountain now no one should talk to you you should be locked up in a fucking cage fuck you and the pedophiles too for that yeah this fucking this the sandusky thing this uh joe paternal thing holy shit is this dark you know what's really crazy the guy who found him and turned him in his name is mcquiry it's almost like this is fiction it's almost like the world is becoming more and it's when becoming as 2012 comes along the story falls apart The plot starts to reveal itself, the writing behind the script.

[226] Look, a guy named Wiener was a politician who was sending pictures of his dick to girls online and thought he could get away with it.

[227] I mean, what?

[228] Rush Limbo takes so many oxycontents, he goes deaf.

[229] What?

[230] That was the best.

[231] What?

[232] What?

[233] And he used to preach.

[234] This guy, McQuery, finds the most beloved football coach ever is guilty of shielding.

[235] another beloved assistant coach from fucking little boys for 20 years this guy was taking these kids on fucking trips they were staying with him he was boning little boys for years and they allowed him to they allowed him to wow yeah I do I mean why aren't we we should be allowed to beat them publicly pedified I mean I don't know what the solution is to sterilize them you have to kill them that they've destroyed lives I don't think people would be, forfeit their right to live.

[236] Irreparable damage done to those things.

[237] Yeah, they've destroyed all those boys who that guy fucked will never be the boy that they could have been without getting fucked by that guy.

[238] That guy owes 100 lives because he owes more than, he owes 100 ,000 lives because he owes every life to these poor fucked up kids are going to interact with and perhaps molest boys because of what happened to them.

[239] That happens.

[240] That's why it happens in the first place.

[241] So this guy, this motherfucker caused a ripple effect and this would, query guy who still has his job even though he didn't go running to the police you know everybody wanted to keep their job it seems like yeah it seems like they were shielding this guy and everybody wanted to keep their job but the guy who saw the boy getting fucked in the ass should have ran straight to the police that's McCurry yeah but that's not what happened right you know that they weren't fucking oh they were horsing around they were just horsing around right they were just sliding on the floor that guy's story is that he heard a rhythmic slapping and came in to see a 10 year old boy with his hands on the wall while this guy was fucking his little boy ass.

[242] Whoa!

[243] And then did you see the development today as far as the email?

[244] No. So McCreary sent out an email to friends and they had excerpts of it on the news that said that he said, you guys know I didn't just turn and run away like they're saying.

[245] I, you know, I had to make quick decisions.

[246] I made sure it stopped.

[247] So he was saying that...

[248] How does he make sure it stopped without following that?

[249] He's saying that he...

[250] fucking pedophile.

[251] He suggested that he intervened at that moment.

[252] He intervened.

[253] Well, stopped it.

[254] In other words, the first reports said that he saw it.

[255] Right.

[256] He and his email is saying, I didn't just see it and walk away.

[257] I stopped it from, I stopped what was happening.

[258] Oh, is that right?

[259] So he separated?

[260] This is his version.

[261] Did he say why he didn't go to the cops?

[262] No, because it's just, they just got a copy of an email he sent to friends.

[263] It doesn't go into that detail.

[264] How did he not go to the cops?

[265] Yeah, you have a different.

[266] Of course, that's the part that people are saying that he went to his father, and then the next day, he went to his own father to tell him what happened.

[267] Right.

[268] And then the next day, he went to Paterno, and then Paterno told the athletic director, and maybe the president or the athletic director told the president.

[269] Well, that guy's a guy who's trying to keep his fucking job, and that's pretty gross.

[270] What that guy's supposed to do is called the cops.

[271] Immediately.

[272] Everybody knows that.

[273] First call is to the cops.

[274] Or at least some street justice.

[275] And you don't let that motherfucker leave.

[276] Yeah, you don't let that motherfucker leave.

[277] You beat that old man senseless.

[278] You leave him there and then you call the cops.

[279] That old fucking creep, fucking that 10 -year -old boy, you're supposed to want to be violent.

[280] Because if you have a tribe, okay, it's a tribe of a few people that care about each other and protect each other from all the other fucking terrible things in the world, when you find something like that, that's a goddamn disease.

[281] The real problem is that we have so many people.

[282] There's so many people.

[283] There's 300 plus million of us.

[284] on this one continent and because of that not even one continent one piece of the continent America you know and because of that we we devalue each other man we don't appreciate each other and we don't appreciate threats like that threats become over there they're a threat over there we can separate from it I live in a gated community I close my door at night turn on my alarm system I have a gun I'm not worried you know we need to get rid of all those problems and if you if you had a community and you had a guy like this paterno fuck who allowed this other fuck to bang little kids in the asshole and didn't have him locked in a cage, you're supposed to tell the both of them, you were not looking out for the community.

[285] You guys were looking out for your own asses, all of you.

[286] From the guy who caught him, who didn't go to the cops, to the paternal guy knew.

[287] They all fucking knew.

[288] You can't be around a dude who's banging kids in the ass and not know.

[289] You cannot.

[290] You cannot.

[291] This guy's taking little boys on the road with them.

[292] I mean, it's really dark.

[293] He was out on the road?

[294] Yes, he had a charity to help little kids that were like underprivileged or in, you know, troubled homes.

[295] And, you know, is the craziest thing.

[296] But there was some priests that had written some stuff about finding boys.

[297] It was really dark shit.

[298] And it was, like, shared emails back and forth.

[299] But one of the things that they were saying was that look for boys with troubled childhoods.

[300] Look for boys who don't have a good relationship with their parents.

[301] And those are the ones.

[302] they pray on the boys who are lost and alone because they're vulnerable and they'll do anything for love yeah so you know and they don't even know while they're why they're having sex with a man they just know that they're happy that this man cares about them because the people the orphanage don't right you know that this man is buying them toys he would do this he would buy them toys he would take them to fucking to games he would do all these things and bone them it's like classic priest shit it's the level the level of planning and evil like that goes into I'm going to set up a foundation, a charitable foundation for troubled kids.

[303] And we're trying them and we're convicting them right here on the show.

[304] And I know that's wrong.

[305] We can assume.

[306] I know that's wrong.

[307] But if that Sandusky guy is in it, if he's not arrested and that the McQuary guy, how is he not in jail?

[308] I don't understand that.

[309] That doesn't make any sense to it.

[310] Sandusky didn't do himself any favors with that interview that he did on air yesterday with Bob Costas at all.

[311] Because, oh my God.

[312] when like there's just you get it can you get it Brian pull it is hair I would like to hear the answers are so obviously not let's see if answer yeah I mean you know there's uh there's the first of all there's stuffy volunteers which if you have doubts you you should probably have far less doubts like what um it was on NBC it was on uh Rock Center with Brian Williams Sandusky yeah it's um there's certain things like if I don't know is it Matt Lauer who underrated no it was Bob Cost of Bob Costa Oh, Bob Costas.

[313] He's even better.

[314] He's tremendous.

[315] Bob Kossis, a brilliant man. Very smart guy.

[316] His grasp of the English language really makes you feel.

[317] He's a great guy, too.

[318] I don't know words.

[319] He beat me up on news radio.

[320] He did?

[321] Yeah, we had a scene, a fight scene in news radio.

[322] And he flipped me. He flipped me on the ground.

[323] He's a brilliant guy.

[324] Yeah, I got a chance to talk to him all night.

[325] It was really cool.

[326] Very smart guy.

[327] Well, there's just things like, I mean, I don't know if we're going to get the interview or not, but like when you, you know, when you're asked, are you a pedoph?

[328] Are you sexually attracted to young boys?

[329] What do you think like somebody who isn't?

[330] What's the correct answer?

[331] No. Fuck no. Okay.

[332] Well, what about am I attracted sexually?

[333] I mean I'm not sexually.

[334] Define attracted.

[335] Yeah, but you got anything around.

[336] Can I just bring up an Oprah Winfrey thing I learned on the Oprah show?

[337] I would love to hear this.

[338] Hold on.

[339] Hold on.

[340] Oh, Bob Costas's telephone interview with Jerry Sandusky.

[341] speaking for the first time since this it doesn't seem like it's right it's a report on the is this is not it the interview no they're talking about the interview yeah that's not it obviously just look for the interview yeah the audio is amazing it's incredible um but Oprah because Oprah was molested and uh and she had this whole segment where she brought pedophiles on the show and they actually got to say how they court these children why they do it and anyway basically they groom children Like you said, the vulnerable ones, they can tell which boys or girls are psychologically fragile, and they groom them.

[342] So, like, you said, that's what that's called, where they give them the candy and the courtship.

[343] And actually, family members, too, molest a lot.

[344] She's like, if you have an uncle that, like, is really into hanging out with your girls, like, have a loosen on my lap.

[345] Or that's actually how it happens.

[346] It's the neighbor.

[347] It's the uncle.

[348] It's not the stranger.

[349] It's actually people that you know.

[350] What the fuck is wrong with him?

[351] It's just, I think it's like a faulty products, you know?

[352] Is this it?

[353] Oh, that sounds like it.

[354] Innocent, completely innocent and falsely accused in every aspect?

[355] Good question.

[356] Well, I could say that, you know, I have done some of those things.

[357] I have horsed around with kids.

[358] I have showered after workouts.

[359] I have hugged them and I have touched their leg.

[360] without intent of sexual contact but um so if you look at it that way uh there are things that that uh wouldn't uh you know would be accurate are you denying that you had any inappropriate sexual contact with any of these underage boys yes i am never touched their genitals never engaged in oral sex.

[361] Right.

[362] Whoa.

[363] What about Mike McQuary, the grad assistant who in 2002 walked into the shower where he says in specifically 10 or 11 years old that his hands were up against the shower wall and he heard rhythmic slap, slap, slapping sounds and he described that as a rape.

[364] I would say that that's false.

[365] What would be his motive to lie?

[366] You'd have to ask him that.

[367] What did happen in the shower the night that Mike McQuarrie happened upon you and the young boy?

[368] Okay, we were showering and horsing around, and he actually turned all the showers on and was actually sliding across the floor, and we were, as I recall, possibly, like, snapping a towel on, a horseplay.

[369] In 1998, a mother confronts.

[370] you about taking a shower with her son and inappropriately touching him.

[371] Two detectives eavesdrop on her conversations with you, and you admit that maybe your private parts touched her son.

[372] What happened there?

[373] Well, I can't exactly recall what was said there in terms of what I did say was that if he felt that way then I was wrong.

[374] During one of those conversations, you said, I understand I was wrong.

[375] I wish I could get forgiveness speaking now with the mother.

[376] I know I won't get it from you.

[377] I wish I were dead.

[378] A guy falsely accused or a guy whose actions have been misinterpreted doesn't respond that way, does he?

[379] I don't know, I didn't say to my recollection that I wish I were dead.

[380] I was hopeful that we could reconcile things.

[381] Shortly after that in 2000, a janitor said that he saw you performing oral sex on a young boy in the showers in the Penn State locker facility.

[382] Did that happen?

[383] No. how could somebody think they saw something as extreme and shocking as that when it hadn't occurred and what would possibly be their motivation to fabricate it you'd have to ask them it seems that if all of these accusations are false you are the unluckiest and most persecuted man that any of us has ever heard about i don't know what you want me to say i i don't think that these have been the best days of my life.

[384] Sandusky's attorney, Joseph Amandola, insists the charges filed by the commonwealth of Pennsylvania listing...

[385] A young girl pregnant, got a teenager pregnant.

[386] Cool.

[387] A few days ago.

[388] Did he really?

[389] Yeah.

[390] It's hilarious.

[391] Well, he was 49.

[392] No, you can kill it.

[393] 49 years old.

[394] You got a teenager pregnant.

[395] Yeah, it goes on.

[396] It goes on.

[397] Birds of a feather.

[398] But, like, doesn't...

[399] What do you think he's not...

[400] I mean, like, if you're like...

[401] I think you're totally right that you shouldn't, you know, convict somebody just when charge But then, like, if you did have your doubts, does that make them fade away?

[402] That cements it that this guy's a creep.

[403] No question about it.

[404] That's not how you respond.

[405] Of course not.

[406] People that are guilty, that are pretending to not be guilty, never realize how other people see them.

[407] They always just try to, you know, stay calm and keep it together.

[408] You would be freaking the fuck out.

[409] If that was you and all of a sudden someone was saying that Tom Cigar has been touching little kids and blowing them in a bathroom, You would go crazy.

[410] You wouldn't be, you'd have to ask them.

[411] You wouldn't, there's no fucking way you would leave it at.

[412] You'd have to ask them.

[413] You could be like, I have no idea.

[414] This is horrifying.

[415] It's disgusting to me too.

[416] It's not only that.

[417] It's put me in this terrible position where it'll never be erased from some people's memories that have heard this.

[418] It's a terrifying thing.

[419] You know, if you think someone falsely accusing you of being a child molester like this, you know, if someone was really falsely accusing, you would be, you would be attractive.

[420] You would be like raging.

[421] You'd be like, I haven't done anything.

[422] What the fuck is going on?

[423] And people have been falsely accused before.

[424] For sure.

[425] I'd like to see how they react, because it doesn't sound like that.

[426] Do you know of any popular cases that were people?

[427] I just assume, oh, Brian.

[428] I just assume that people have been.

[429] I mean, especially, I mean, I'm sure it's happened for sure in molestation.

[430] And murder ones, and I always like, it blows my mind when you see like DNA exonerate somebody.

[431] and they served like 20 years and you're like that person was in prison for 20 years of their life in hardcore prison for like murders and rapes and shit and the whole time he was like I didn't murder somebody everybody was like sure dang asshole like I'm sure you didn't did you see that guy that fought on the boxer yeah undercard oh my gosh wait what no tell me this guy no it wasn't it was like a week or two before yeah it was this guy was 52 years old he had just gotten out of jail where he was in jail for I think 29 years for a crime he didn't commit he got I would I would die in jail so it's horrific it's so sad so scary he was boxing champ like inside and he was like he won his comeback fight 52 years old wow he had a professional box he actually look really good for a 52 year old yeah that's just so disappointing just his philosophy too yeah was it like I saw a piece on him before the fight and just how he wasn't wanting to kill everybody in the world even though like I can't imagine the anger you gotta have oh how long would it take him to be sane again you know man how long would it take him to bounce back that's a that's a long goddamn road yeah it's like a great attitude way better attitude than people who haven't served 29 years it's incredible i wonder how he pulled it together like that i don't know i really don't know yeah that's a this it's really sad that's and that's the one reason why i'm not a hundred percent for capital punishment you know i mean i'm for capital punishment when you absolutely know but the reality is man there have been bad cops just like they've been bad postmen like there's been don't you think people would not be like you know there's a certain amount of people oppose the death penalty for crimes you can commit now don't you think people would be there would be less people opposed to it if it were for like child molestation like if you're like that's a punishable by death crime now don't you less well you'd have to prove that the person was 100 % yeah but if they were if they were if you could prove it 100 % yeah people would be well you know what I think it would be harder to get people to pull the trigger for child molesting because a lot of people have creepy uncles that they love that are probably deadlers.

[432] So there's, I think it's more prevalent in our society than we'd like to admit.

[433] And it really is a symptom and a side effect of the sexual repression that we all enjoy in this country.

[434] You know, that's, they're wired that way.

[435] If your kink is that, it's unfortunate because how do you express that kink?

[436] Well, I think, um, I think at the root of a lot of really fucked up deviant behavior is a lack of sexual choices and a lack of sexual education and that the fact that it's dirty, the fact that sex is forbidden, the fact that it's something that you feel like you're getting away with when you do it.

[437] And then you add to that fucked up people that molest kids and you throw that all in a big batch together and then you have these kids that grow up with this fucked up memory and they repeat the same behavior over and over again.

[438] And what is the root cause of it?

[439] I mean, all of it has got to be like shitty parenting.

[440] shitty parenting and the kid being molester right that's that's the root of all of it but also you know it has to there should be a little bit more knowledge we should we should be a little bit more open about what the fuck is going on sexually with people like in high school do you think they have classes where they talk about people that are trying just trying to fuck you do you think they have a class like that where they say hey look this guy with candy in the open van he's just trying to fuck you you know he's trying to fuck you in your ass wouldn't that be great to tell like 10 year olds sure it really should know Because otherwise, the first time they get raped, they're like, what the fuck is this?

[441] They did for drugs.

[442] I had dare.

[443] What is it?

[444] Drug resistance education.

[445] All it did was teach me what drugs I wanted to do when I was old enough to do them.

[446] It didn't really teach me shit.

[447] Remember when you had to pass around the fake drugs that looked like cocaine?

[448] Yeah, that was the best.

[449] Or actually, it was real stuff that the police had confiscated.

[450] And you're like sitting there looking at real weed when you're like 12 going, wow, this is cool looking.

[451] I've never seen this plant before.

[452] But wouldn't have been more valuable?

[453] You know, I can get some.

[454] My brother's guns.

[455] Wouldn't have been more valuable if they were like, hey, if some guy tries to fuck you in a van, run.

[456] Yeah.

[457] But there used to be PSAs.

[458] Don't ever trust any adult that's by themselves and wants to take you somewhere.

[459] Stranger danger.

[460] In the 80s, they had PSAs and don't talk to strangers.

[461] Don't open the door if you're alone.

[462] So terrifying.

[463] They don't do that now.

[464] It's so terrifying.

[465] Every now and then, you'll see someone somewhere, some fucking sketchy looking person.

[466] You just wonder, wow.

[467] But it is, I do think it is the, it is the, it is the, it is the, like unacceptable unfixable kink it is like I think it's like there's bad wiring and there's some products that you're like this thing that doesn't fucking work it's a broken person and there's really no because everything else if you're like this is what arouses me like there you can get your you know but this is the one that's like you can't sorry yeah you can't and it's it's a psychological issue too it might not even be sexual so like making them impotent might not even do it they might still want to touch the kids and do weird who knows cut their balls off I don't know I don't know if it's psychological over it's just purely sexual you know i think it's a it's a weird fucking obsession it's terrifying terrible terrible obsession you know and it's it needs to be fixed they needs to you know someone needs to figure out a way to fix that i think probably there is a way with psychedelic drugs but they haven't pursued it enough to figure out like you know what's the right dose and how to administer it correctly like if you give someone like a if someone's like a child monster or someone's done something fucked up and you give them like a heavy heavy dose of ayahuasca or heavy dose of iba gain or something like that i guarantee you they would be so disappointed and disgusted with themselves they would do to kill themselves while they would never ever do it again really yeah i think so i think uh i think that's true with a lot of people certain large percentage of the population i think uh most people you know like when a guy said he wanted to kill himself i wish i was dead you know that's what they think sure that's what they think they don't want to live this way they're just stuck in this goddamn feedback loop this horrible loop that they got in as a small child.

[468] That Sandusky guy is probably molested when he was a kid.

[469] Yeah, sure.

[470] Probably by another football coach or something like that.

[471] I think that I saw in a story that his parents started like a home for kids and he lived in that home growing up.

[472] Oh, bingo.

[473] Well, there you go.

[474] That's where he got it.

[475] Yeah.

[476] Yeah, he got it either from one of those kids that he went in the home with because a lot of those have been molested.

[477] If you're going to share a home with troubled children, a lot of their troubles are sexual, you know.

[478] God damn it, man. Yeah, God damn it, man. Yeah, and you know what, while this fucked up country is overseas stealing heroin and minerals in Afghanistan and pretending that it's for our greater good, they could be over here trying to fix the real problem in this country, which is fucking the youth.

[479] The real problem is the quality of our fucking plants that are growing, the quality of our seeds that have been planted, the quality of the human beings that are developing right now, and for a good percentage of them, it's a fucking mess.

[480] And no one wants to fix that.

[481] Could you imagine if we had an entire country of people that lived in a good neighborhood, an entire country of people that lived in a place where you didn't have to worry about your kids getting fucked by some creepy man?

[482] You mean the Netherlands?

[483] No, even there.

[484] That's awesome.

[485] Well, sort of, but even there.

[486] Like, the Netherlands in Holland, a lot of crazy shit goes on in Holland.

[487] You know, Holland's a dark place.

[488] I don't know enough about it.

[489] Yeah, the Red Light District, all those whores.

[490] Yeah, but that's just for tourists.

[491] I don't think the native Dutch.

[492] I was just there like a few weeks ago.

[493] Did you stand up out there?

[494] Yeah, yeah, for like some showtime thing.

[495] And there was, the natives were saying that, like, we don't go to those places.

[496] The Dutch are actually conservative people socially.

[497] So it's more just...

[498] It's a business thing.

[499] They realize that that's what attracts us dopey Americans.

[500] Well, we can smoke dope in public and we can fuck hookers.

[501] And it's so, it's so crazy to us.

[502] Oh, we can have sex and we can do all these things.

[503] And that's why we go over there and do that.

[504] Or an English voice, too.

[505] Holland is not an innocent place, though, by any stretch of the imagination.

[506] Sure.

[507] But they see a little more together.

[508] Do you know that's where some of the best kickboxing in the world comes from?

[509] No. Is that?

[510] Really?

[511] Dutch, the moitai.

[512] Yeah, yeah.

[513] Moitai in Holland is at some of the highest level in the world.

[514] A lot of fighters from other countries go to Holland to train in kickboxing.

[515] I had no idea.

[516] Yeah, there's a great culture.

[517] I don't know.

[518] There's a great culture of kickboxers from that part of the world.

[519] They're repressed.

[520] There was a few guys back in the day and, you know, there's a bunch of them.

[521] became successful.

[522] It was particularly this guy, Ramon Decker's, who went over to Thailand and fought, like, the best ties in the world.

[523] And he was a small guy, so he was the size of the ties.

[524] And then there was a guy named Rob Kamen, and Rob Kamen was a larger, bigger guy.

[525] You met Rob, right?

[526] Yeah, he's a bigger guy.

[527] He looks like it would hurt.

[528] He's probably the best kickboxer that ever lived.

[529] Really?

[530] Yeah, and he's a real super technical.

[531] And he's from, from Holland as well.

[532] They're all crazy.

[533] They're wild, wild people, man. Yeah.

[534] Fun, fun people.

[535] Did you see that sports science on Boss Rutan's kicks?

[536] Oh, yeah, yeah, ridiculous.

[537] They were like, this is all wrong, all the readings are off.

[538] Yeah, he'll hurt you.

[539] And then he did it again.

[540] They're like, your insides are being, like, traumatized if you get kicked by this guy.

[541] Yeah.

[542] Oh, yeah.

[543] Boss Routen can kick fucking hard.

[544] He was one of the first guys in mixed martial arts fighting.

[545] He was really fighting in an organization called Pancreis, which was sort of a hybrid.

[546] It wasn't quite mixed martial arts.

[547] He had weird rules.

[548] You could kick full blast, but you couldn't.

[549] punch to the face.

[550] You could only slap to the face.

[551] You could only pull your hands back and use open palm strikes.

[552] But what Boss Rutan figured out how to do is pull his hands way back.

[553] He had like really flexible wrists.

[554] So really he was punching you with his palm.

[555] So because with most guys they were like slapping, which doesn't have the same impact.

[556] But what Boss was doing, he was pulling his hands way back like this.

[557] And he was throwing punches.

[558] He was the first guy to figure out that he could throw punches with his palms.

[559] And he was fucking people up.

[560] And he would kick them and you just go, whoa, nobody kicks that hard in this style of fighting.

[561] He was kicking, like, a real powerful moitai guy would kick, but he was applying that in MMA.

[562] He was one of the first guys, one of the first pioneers.

[563] Yeah, it's a crazy goddamn sport.

[564] I don't mean to brag, but I studied kung fu for two years in Griffith Park.

[565] Tai Chi?

[566] No, I did kung fu style, and my teacher taught us those moitai kicks, and she said that they get, like, calluses on their shins.

[567] well you sort of do yeah they get kind of numb a lot of guys have like bumps and knots and shit from you know you get like bloody spots and bruises and they heal up and gets tough eventually some guys even kick bamboo trees and shit they kick banana trees yeah and they kick it just to kind of you know it kind of has some give to it but it's still pretty hard it does it feel good to kick stuff hard does it yeah what do you think about when you do that god damn it just do you think about tom mommy it's just oh yeah definitely definitely No, I don't, I don't treat you like the enemy.

[568] I don't have anger.

[569] How can you guys get along so well as a couple and as comics?

[570] Because a lot of times, like, you guys are genuinely happy.

[571] Neither one of you guys is, like, tortured, you know?

[572] And you seem, like, better together.

[573] You actually seem better together.

[574] We all have that friend that when they're with their other, they're different, you know?

[575] Isn't that sad?

[576] It's fucking sad, dude.

[577] I think it's sad to watch.

[578] Yeah, I have a buddy that can't do anything right when he's with his girl.

[579] She's always, what are you putting it there for?

[580] What is that?

[581] Why is this over here?

[582] sit down what time is it you are you ready yeah it's like always there's always a nag in there but you guys are like buddies yeah you know why though I think some women they make their spouse the enemy for some reason they're unhappy with something inside of them but with Tommy I think I don't know how do you avoid that I'm in therapy I go to psychotherapy and I work out my shit and I you know I do it professionally and also like because we're both comics like I just I think Tommy's way funnier than me and I accept that and I like him you know what I mean like I respect you as a comic and I respect you as a person Yeah so that's why you go along because you realize He's the fucking man Yeah dude he's awesome right You guys kiss No you kiss You kiss and I'll sing What are you gonna sing?

[583] I don't know what are you gonna say?

[584] Make it romantic Just you and I Oh that was so cute No but I mean that was beautiful That was beautiful You know what the thing that people ask me all the time they're like, are you guys competitive?

[585] And I'm like, what?

[586] No?

[587] Like, I guess because comics sort of inherit on their competitive, but like in a relationship, that's way different.

[588] Some people, it's their whole thing.

[589] Yeah, but female comedians are considered novelty acts.

[590] Like, I'm, I think there's still enough sexism and comedy where people are like, you guys ready for a lady comic?

[591] And I'm like the circus act in a normal lineup.

[592] So my career, what I'm trying to say, is never going to conflict with Tommy's.

[593] It's like it's preposterous to think that we're competing for the same.

[594] No one's career competes with anyone's correct.

[595] Right, and that too.

[596] You have to realize that somewhere along the line that when your friends do better, you do better.

[597] Everybody together does, but you all grow together.

[598] But everybody gets fucking selfish and they don't want their friends.

[599] I mean, I know a lot of comics that, I mean, we all know a lot of comics that they don't like the other people around them to be funny.

[600] Oh, sure.

[601] They want to hold everybody back because somehow they feel like it makes them not funny.

[602] you know like i remember i had a conversation with somebody and uh they were saying how why the fuck do you take joey dyes on the road with you man he's so funny he's so funny he's ridiculous i was like because he's hilarious yeah what kind of stupid question is that like but to them it was that was ridiculous like what they did and this was a headliner i was talking to a national guy and what he does is take a fucking terrible comedian on the road with him oh boy and the terrible comedian would go on there and eat his own dick for 20 minutes and then he'll go out look like a goddamn hero who rescue it the bar has been lower these people are looking to laugh So he has a couple inferior comedians on before him, and then he goes out there and he looks like a fucking superhero.

[603] But when they see someone doing well, they start thinking these terrible thoughts.

[604] This person is going to usurp my power.

[605] People are going to be seeing them.

[606] I'm going to be opening them up for him, and they start thinking crazy, man. And it's stupid.

[607] It's a dumb thing to do.

[608] It's a trap.

[609] You can never be jealous.

[610] You can only be inspired.

[611] If you feel any negativity, just fucking push it aside, ignore it, reject it, refuse it, and just say, man, how awesome is that guy?

[612] I wish I was that funny.

[613] You know, I'm going to write more.

[614] You know, I want to go do this.

[615] I think that both Christina and I have both always been the type of person that likes having funny people around.

[616] Like, we genuinely enjoy funny people, and we never, like, even when they're, like, huge personality, because neither one of us has huge, like, overbearing personalities to people.

[617] So especially, like, offstage when, like, I'm a real.

[618] around, I feel like when I'm around, like, Joey Diaz, like, a fucking movie is playing.

[619] Yeah.

[620] Like, somebody just pressed play on a fucking funny movie.

[621] How am I not going to, like, I'm going to watch him?

[622] I mean, I said, I've been at your shows where we're backstage.

[623] I pull up a chair and I'm like, so have you ever been?

[624] Like, I asked him a question.

[625] Have you ever been to, like, Phoenix?

[626] And he's like, Phoenix.

[627] And he starts on us.

[628] Let me tell you something about him.

[629] We robbed this guy in Phoenix.

[630] It's like, how could you not are like bird?

[631] I robbed him with a cap gun.

[632] He has a ring flame on his eyes.

[633] Yeah, like, I mean, you end up, my nose was bleeding.

[634] I was up for three days, you know, this dog.

[635] One of my nipples is gone.

[636] Not only is it, like, not threatening.

[637] It's, like, the biggest joy of the night is to sit around, or you ask stupid Burt.

[638] Yeah.

[639] Yeah.

[640] And he tells you a story, like, he's, like, having a fucking TV on.

[641] Having a show going on, constantly.

[642] Yeah.

[643] Yeah, that's how I feel about Joey, always.

[644] I always feel like Joey's like a show that we bring with us.

[645] He brings the party.

[646] He brings the party.

[647] That's why he goes up first, too.

[648] Yeah.

[649] I mean, he's a goddamn national head.

[650] liner you know i mean joey's one of the best comics in the country and he goes on first and the reason why he goes on first is he wants to he wants to go out there dancing and he brings the party you know and he likes it and he also likes the challenge of warming a room up you know it helps makes the material stronger joey's really calculated about his comedy you know you would think that being this wild crazy guy that you know he's kind of just kind of wings it but he also thinks about it a lot you know he has a lot of thought behind his comedy and he you know he thinks that it's good for your comedy to go up cold like that he likes to do it oh for sure you know that's how he used to do it in boston yeah i was just talking to a buddy about this like they used to do uh a night like they would do like don gavin's show and don gavin was a national headliner and one of the biggest acts in boston and he would go on stage first and it was his show and he would be the host of the show and so he would bring up like if we did like we're going to do thursday night at the ice house again this week so if you're around come on down bitches because it's a party it's an awesome show it's a really really intimate only 85 seats and it uh it sold out last week it'll probably sell it this week too and who else is doing it i'm going to announce the whole lineup tomorrow but john reep is going to do it your friend yoshi's nice and i got some other secrets too hilarious dudes last week was a blast so fun so cool yeah they're the awesomest crowd oh the best yeah just the best they're on board from the first minute yeah they're so cool you know i that's the the the greatest joy to me is that whenever I go to comedy clubs, people always say how nice my crowds are, that they're nice and generous.

[651] I hear that all the time, everywhere.

[652] They are.

[653] People are so nice.

[654] They tip.

[655] They drink.

[656] They know how to drink.

[657] They fucking keep it down.

[658] They're not amateurs.

[659] No. So, but, like, say this show that we're going to do Thursday night, if we were going to do it in Boston, I would go on first.

[660] It would be like the Joe Rogan show, and I'd go up and I'd bring all these different people up, and then at the end, you'd do like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it is, and close it out.

[661] So that's what the guys would do.

[662] They would do a little bit in the beginning and then they would fuck around in between each act they would fuck around do that thursday no no it's a ridiculous way to do it but does that take the steam away from being a headliner then like i think it does a little bit well also i think it takes the steam away from a set because i want to see someone when i see a guy where it's a stanhope or david tell or something like that i want to see a 45 minute set plus i want to see like an hour or something like that because when you when you see like a 45 minute set or an hour set then you see a real set you see the you get to fully sink in the experience of them shifting subjects and building momentum and changing gears and it's all this one thing you know it's like see an avatar in two chunks you know it's like you know what I mean like you wouldn't want to do that you'd want it's a great movie but you'd want to watch the whole thing it'd be just as good if it I mean you'd probably enjoy it still if somebody you know put an Adam Sandler movie on for 20 minutes the middle of avatar but it wouldn't be the same I'm not ever calling my act avatar but you know it's a I think anything you do where you're fully wholly concentrated on that moment you know i think it would make it better sure so i don't i don't like doing it like that no don't you find that's the key like i mean i we always talk about this that how some comedians become so well -loved and so successful like larry the cable guy i love shit and dick jokes all right i'm not above any of that but i think his fans and people that love him just want to hang out with that guy right like Seems real friendly.

[663] And it's, yeah, it's like, yeah, you just, you want to be around that guy for 45 minutes and be in his world.

[664] It's not necessarily who's the best craftsman of the wording of the joke.

[665] It's your essence.

[666] It's, you know.

[667] That's totally true.

[668] You as a human being.

[669] Yeah, and I've heard people say that he's racist.

[670] And I've heard people say, yeah, well, he has some jokes, some racial jokes.

[671] But what the fuck?

[672] You know, this is the real issue.

[673] The real issue is why we live in a world that everyone's so goddamn fucking sensitive.

[674] You should be a joke about everything and anything.

[675] you know especially these radical Muslim fucks these guys have really got everybody in a corner because you can't even draw Muhammad you draw Muhammad they want to stab you like really dude I'm going to draw your guy and you can't even draw him what if you draw him real good like this is a you know it's like Leonardo da Vinci wants to draw Muhammad he can't you're going to shoot him yeah come on bro that's ridiculous you guys are being ridiculous you should be able to tell when you cut humor out of the equation when your society is humorless when there's things that are off subject you you cut out all lines of inquiry.

[676] You cut out like real observing.

[677] And then you force everybody to sort of subscribe to a predetermined pattern of behavior that's politically correct.

[678] Because unless you can tell jokes about shit, then I don't know.

[679] You might tell a joke about something that's absolutely horrible and it's not funny at all.

[680] But in trying, you test the waters.

[681] And, you know, sometimes there's some preposterous shit going on.

[682] And if you say people can't joke about it, and then one guy does joke about it and fucking knocks it out of the park and everybody's howling.

[683] Guess what?

[684] That guy that joked about it's got a point.

[685] And you might not want to deal with that point because you're living in a fucking fantasy world where you want everybody to not talk about your particular subject.

[686] You know, whatever the fuck it is, whatever it is, whatever taboo you got going on inside your head, whether it's religion or sexual or whatever, whether it's, you know, saying certain words or whether it's, you know, saying you don't believe in God, whatever the fuck it is.

[687] If you say that someone can't draw Muhammad and someone can't make a South Park.

[688] They couldn't even make a cartoon where they pretended they were going to draw Muhammad.

[689] I mean, what was the full extent of...

[690] Muhammad was actually on South Park.

[691] But he was in the early days before this happened.

[692] Yeah.

[693] And then the second one, he was a black bar.

[694] But then they stopped him from, they stopped them from putting Muhammad on again.

[695] Right?

[696] And they made him do it like, Muhammad was a teddy bear.

[697] Oh, right.

[698] Yeah, he was a weird looking teddy.

[699] Yeah.

[700] Yeah.

[701] I can't remember.

[702] But it was some ridiculous shit where they were being threatened.

[703] Were they, like, you know those guys.

[704] Yeah, but I don't remember that.

[705] That was they were being threatened and I know that one people have been killed for it and it was that one woman that had to change her identity because she tried to make a certain day draw Muhammad Day yeah yeah you know and she kind of went on and went deep with it and thought she was being cute and they're like bitch we'll cut your fucking head off you know you want to play cute my appeal to my radical Muslim friends please the path that you're taking by cutting people's heads off for drawing your guy is not the good one you don't need to concentrate on such silly things.

[706] This is a crazy way of doing it.

[707] Of course.

[708] But the problem is, man, that part of the world has a lot of shit in its environment that has been there for 10 ,000 years.

[709] And it's very difficult to change things.

[710] The best way to change thing is like the way America changed things by moving.

[711] Everybody moved here a few hundred years ago from somewhere else and then this was the next stage of change.

[712] Right.

[713] But if you live in a place where there's not that much physical change in, you know, And over the hundreds and hundreds of years.

[714] No, I have it.

[715] It's the middle ages there.

[716] I was there in July.

[717] And it's literally just like shitty brick walls and just like mud huts.

[718] And then the woman in the burqa.

[719] And if your husband really loves you, he builds a wall around your backyard.

[720] So the wife doesn't have to wear a burqa while she's doing chores in the backyard.

[721] It's like, it's the year 1300 there.

[722] Holy shit.

[723] Very, yeah.

[724] I have a buddy that went over there and he said they catch men fucking boys all the time.

[725] That's right.

[726] Yeah, that's what they say.

[727] What about, tell them about, oh, tell them the oil rig off of Iraq, Iran, the oil rig?

[728] Oh, yeah, man. I did a show in between Iran and Iraq on an oil rig, an oil platform.

[729] It was a mile long, half Iraqi soldiers and half U .S. Marines, and the Marines were teaching the Iraqis to guard their oil.

[730] And so I was sleeping on this tanker, and it smelled of gasoline all night, and you would see the...

[731] Not armpits?

[732] No, well, they see.

[733] stink too yeah boy oh boy but uh you would see spy ships roll up anyway i got to tour the iraqi barracks yeah they try to black like iran would pull up their tanker what yeah and then and they would have the word iran on the side of the boat but then they would like black it out like with black paint like we are not iran come on really yeah i have pictures i will show you the pictures so they pull up to this this used to be iran's shit and we sold it this oil rig so they're spying on us training the Iraqis and I got to tour the Iraqi barracks and it's first of all I mean it's just it's completely look we're really great at being military the Americans have that shit down like the Marine Corps is we're fucking real and they're barracks there are just wires loose water bottles loose they would take shits in over they hang their ass over the oil platform take a shit in the water and then fish in the water they just shouldn't and then eat the fish There's a lot of water.

[734] I doubt that shit's going to have an impact.

[735] I don't know, man. Come on.

[736] All the seasoning in those guys eat, it probably tastes pretty good.

[737] Yeah.

[738] But it's not bright to fish where you shit.

[739] I really don't think they can shit that much to have an impact on the ocean.

[740] Shitting aside, they take some really big dumps, you said.

[741] But sitting aside, what else?

[742] Well, actually, when you think about how many guys are there?

[743] Well, here's another thing.

[744] How many guys were on the 50 guys?

[745] I can't.

[746] No more than that.

[747] More?

[748] 500?

[749] Yes.

[750] There's a lot of, that might have an impact after a few months.

[751] Especially, well, here's the thing, too, is like, if, like, if you shit, like, right now, and I'm just like, what's that where you're going on?

[752] You got to cast it away from where you shit.

[753] You got to, like, keep a map.

[754] Where'd you shit last night?

[755] Oh, right here.

[756] Right here.

[757] It marks a spot.

[758] Don't fish there.

[759] Wait, but can I tell you the grossest part?

[760] Is that, okay, so I went to, like, their, and they had mattresses that were folded dirty, dirty mattresses up against, like, this wall.

[761] And I was like, what are the mattresses for?

[762] and the guy was like, well, it's a thing called Man Love Thursdays, because Thursday is or Friday, I forget what it is.

[763] And these days, they put the mattresses down and then the guys, they fuck each other on the mattresses.

[764] And I know, I mean, who knows if that's just like us being douchebags, I don't know, but he also said that he broke up fights where one guy...

[765] Wait a minute, what?

[766] Who knows if that's like us being douchebags?

[767] Like, I'm saying like Americans being like, and then the Iraqis are a bunch of homo.

[768] They could be joking around Yeah, like, but then I had a commander tell me a story where he had an Iraqi soldier, like, pound on his door at 2 in the morning, and the guy had bite marks on his back, and he was bleeding from these bite marks.

[769] And finally, the commander deduced that he thinks some guy was trying to fuck him, and he, you know, wasn't allowing, and the guy bit his back.

[770] So, you know, the homosexuality, from my understanding is that it's situational homosexuality, where, like, because they can't date women and you have to just get married.

[771] married that, you know, they'd choose men because of the situation they're in.

[772] Wow.

[773] What the fuck?

[774] And it's not gay.

[775] It's not considered gay.

[776] It's just like necessity.

[777] It's just sex.

[778] Yeah.

[779] I mean, that's, come on, that's not gay.

[780] It's totally not gay.

[781] So they don't consider themselves gay.

[782] They can just consider themselves really into fucking.

[783] Yeah, you're just.

[784] Anything and anything.

[785] Just whatever.

[786] Yeah.

[787] Everything that comes along.

[788] They stick their dick in, including dudes who don't want it.

[789] Well, yeah, in places like Saudi.

[790] I've been there to it.

[791] They, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's prevalent.

[792] To our other dates.

[793] Let's take a shit off the edge and then fish.

[794] And then lay on the mattress and fuck each other.

[795] What a weird world.

[796] And it is.

[797] And it's so foreign.

[798] And as a Westerner, you really, I try to be open -minded and wrap my head around their culture.

[799] And there are certain ways they treat women that I'm just like, yo, I'm not cool.

[800] What's really strange is that as far as we know, and, you know, there's a lot of debate about when the beginning of civilization was.

[801] But as far as we can tell, it was there.

[802] As far as we can tell, it was in Iraq.

[803] Sumer, Mesopotamia.

[804] Yeah, that's where the first written language, first mathematics are attributed to these guys.

[805] Yes, I know that.

[806] Any knowledge whatsoever of astronomy or astrology, they had the constellations mapped out.

[807] They had different astrological signs.

[808] They had 13, I believe, instead of 12.

[809] Is that correct?

[810] I think there's something like that.

[811] Anyway, I don't know.

[812] I don't remember how many of they are, but the point was with these people had this really amazingly advanced civilization 10 ,000 years ago.

[813] And today, it's, you know, it's more advanced than it was then, but they still have, like, a really, like, suppressive, ancient -style culture.

[814] And it's, like, really kind of weird to see this combination of, like, modern technology, extreme wealth in places like Dubai and the United States, and extreme wealth and, but also this, like, weird, you know, with the modern stuff and this weird ancient stuff.

[815] Oh, yeah.

[816] You know, like the whole thing about, you know, just the laws of, Islam, the women wearing burqas, and all of that crazy.

[817] I mean, when did that start?

[818] Well, it's a theocracy.

[819] You have to understand that even in the Gulf countries that are more progressive, like, you know, the United Arab Emirates where Dubai is, like, there's places you can drink a beer for expats, not the Muslims, because they don't drink.

[820] But, I mean, you'll be in a McDonald's and you'll hear a call to prayer.

[821] And the expectation is that you got to put down your microwave.

[822] Stop, drop and roll.

[823] Yeah, like, you got to get down.

[824] Who calls to prayer?

[825] no at the mosques like you hear it five times a day like you the first time i heard it i didn't even know what that sound was it sounds it's like terrifying it's like oh and you're like what the fuck is happening so you could think it's like the end of civilization yeah you don't and as you're like it sounds like you just want to cover your ears and just cry and that's their that's their call to prayer so you just don't know what the fuck's happening and so it's like right state do you you know that a lot of people think that there's something to have in some sort of an extreme discipline along those lines that it does keep people in line and facilitates family and it facilitates companionship.

[826] It's possible.

[827] It doesn't always, obviously, if they're fucking little kids in the ass, you know, biting people in the back.

[828] It's not everybody across the board, but the idea that, you know, some intense form of study like Islam or like Buddhism or like Christianity or like anything where you really get involved in the, you know, the practice of some intense discipline and some intense study.

[829] Especially if you have strict enforcement.

[830] That's really the key.

[831] That's the key right there, man. When you have, like, you know, in Iran where they have the religious police in addition to.

[832] Oh, yeah.

[833] Or if you go to, you know, Saudi Arabia, they have that.

[834] They have, like, religious police.

[835] Yeah, we had somebody who was, old Soviet Union who was going to get.

[836] Oh, they haven't.

[837] They had no crime.

[838] Arrested.

[839] Oh, I almost, and Ramadan, I was there during their holy month of Ramadan.

[840] I was in the back of a van drinking a bottle of water.

[841] And the Marine I was with was like, put the fucking bottle down.

[842] We're on the freeway.

[843] If someone sees you on the freeway drinking water when the sun is still up during Ramadan, they can report you to the religious police, and as a westerner, they'll throw you in jail.

[844] And that's in the hip city of Dubai and Abu.

[845] Oh, yes.

[846] And you get sent to jail for like two months, and it's like a $3 ,000 penalty.

[847] And they don't feed you.

[848] They don't feed you.

[849] So your relatives have to come and feed you if you have the misfortune of getting put into jail in the Middle East.

[850] So I don't know why.

[851] They don't feed you?

[852] They don't, and I don't know why they're plugging Dubai is this, like, Wild West, this, like, Vegas of the Middle East.

[853] It's still Muslim, you guys.

[854] Like, it's not, it outraged me to see sex in the city, too, taking place in, like, Abu Dhabi.

[855] Like, are you kidding me?

[856] Like, this is not a place for you guys to go party.

[857] For you to be an old slut.

[858] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[859] Don't old slut.

[860] There's a lot of women that got really confused and thinking that old sluttiness was acceptable and not sad.

[861] And not sad.

[862] You know, that woman's not.

[863] sad she's a fucking panther she's out there having a good time she's hot you go girl and all these women with broken vaginas lined up to see this fucking crap I know I got really bad sloppy tits just like Clinice would have people thinking they can keep an orangutan as a pet right you can't fucking do that man that thing will rip your arms off and stuff them up your nose is that the best did you hear about that guy with the hippo no you didn't hear about this guy I saw something about it is a guy is famous on the internet for having a pet hippo that he rides.

[864] He actually rides his hippo.

[865] He found it when it was a cub raised it its whole life.

[866] Well, it finally fucking killed him.

[867] All right.

[868] Yeah, there you go.

[869] This poor fucking silly cunt is killed by the animal shocker that kills more people in Africa than any animal.

[870] The hippo does?

[871] Yeah.

[872] Not to be fucking.

[873] More than a tiger or something?

[874] Oh yeah, dude.

[875] Really?

[876] Yeah.

[877] Tigers are actually in Asia.

[878] Angry animals.

[879] They bite people in fucking half, man. I didn't They're actually like a type, well, I think they're somehow another like cousins to a pig.

[880] They used to think they were like really closely related, but now they think there's some dispute in that, but whatever it is.

[881] Yeah, they're old as far as.

[882] What they are is a giant fucking animal that is super aggressive and really mean and just bit the fuck out of this guy and they found his corpse mauled in the water.

[883] But he thought it was cute that he used to ride this thing.

[884] Isn't it weird that you can't grow up with an animal from like from early age that and it would like not fall in love with you that it would still do this you know it's kind of weird still in some ways I think people people people you know like brothers and sisters hit each other and they don't have enough strength to hurt each other you know but if your brother was a fucking gorilla an 800 pound gorilla and you were a two month old baby and your brother got mad at you and just fucking clubbed you in the head he would kill you the problem is you know when when babies get mad each other well they're both babies and they really don't have much impact of their slaps this is a completely different thing this hippo.

[885] This hippo got mad like this.

[886] This guy's probably an annoying douche bag.

[887] Why is he riding this hippo in the first place, right?

[888] Probably never fed him.

[889] This guy's fucking crazy.

[890] He's a crazy person.

[891] This is not what you're supposed to do.

[892] Everybody knows that you're not supposed to fucking even make contact with these things.

[893] Was this guy bald?

[894] By the way.

[895] He's a big guy too.

[896] What city was it?

[897] I said maybe that it was a marble.

[898] I think it was in South Africa.

[899] Hungry, hungry hippo.

[900] Yeah, why do people need exotic pets?

[901] Why?

[902] Why must you have You saw the guy in Ohio, right?

[903] Yeah, yeah, the crazy guy who had all those animals who killed himself.

[904] What?

[905] Let all the animals free and then killed himself.

[906] Well, at least that guy had them in cages.

[907] You know, and that guy they knew was a fucking, he was a loose cannon.

[908] They said that he had threatened to do that before.

[909] They had an issue with the cops.

[910] He's like, oh, let these fucking animals go.

[911] Oh, boy.

[912] It's crazy asshole.

[913] What did he have?

[914] What was in his...

[915] What I was going to say, though, was that this hippopotamus might not even want to kill him.

[916] he might got mad It wanted to bite him Like he would bite another hippopotamus Like get off me bitch Stop riding me I want to fucking rest But when you do that to a little flimsy ass person They break and they die There's a video that Brian turned me onto Of lions trying to kill a hippo And it's the craziest thing ever They can't kill it They're jumping on this thing biting in It's kind of fucked up And the hippo's just like getting mad Like get off me bitch But they keep biting them and keep They can't kill it He's like armored And what they're doing is biting through his spine slowly.

[917] That's how they're killing him.

[918] They're choosing to pick a spot on a spine and they're pulling chunks of it out.

[919] And he's like barely noticing that they're there.

[920] That's not an animal you want to fuck with.

[921] No. There's not an animal.

[922] But like as human beings, we're actually quite vulnerable in the wild.

[923] Like our only protection is our brains.

[924] Oh, yeah.

[925] Like we don't really have much going.

[926] We don't have an exoskeleton or...

[927] I always say, think about a fucking house cat.

[928] Think a house cat.

[929] If a house cat wants to kill you, could you imagine?

[930] Could you imagine what that's...

[931] like you've ever been around a feral cat a wild cat they're scary as fuck they're scary they're really terrifying i've been over around feral cats that i thought were going to attack me and it is a dangerous moment like where you like this thing can do some fucking damage it can jump all the way up to your face easily a cat can easily jump right up to your face and bite your fucking face you imagine a wild cat claws dig it into your head won't let go biting your face and kicking with its back legs that's absolutely frightening And they're tiny.

[932] They're tiny.

[933] You saw my little cat, my little spas.

[934] And what does she weigh?

[935] She's like three pounds or something?

[936] But if she wanted to fuck me up, that would be terrifying.

[937] Kill you.

[938] In Boston.

[939] Scary.

[940] I lived in Boston for a summer one time, and I was staying with my friend on a first -floor apartment.

[941] And I slept on the couch, and the couch was right next to the first -floor windows.

[942] They would open the window and had a screen.

[943] And there was a neighborhood, feral, crazy, maniac fucking, like, emotionally unadjusted cat that would when I'm chilling just laying there it would jump up onto the screen and go like like that and I would jump up I would levitate like jump up off of the thing and it would just sit there and scream with his claws in and crazy look in its eye I would have fucking near heart effects you know about that toxoplasma that parasite that a lot of feral cats have it's in our nails yeah well it's in there no it's a rat parasite it starts out in rats and it It hijacks a rat's sexual reward system and gets these rats attracted to the smell of cat piss.

[944] So the rats go around the cats, the cats eat the rats, the cats get it, and then the cats give it to people.

[945] Usually from feces, from stepping in their shit or dropping your food in their shit and you pick it up.

[946] Yeah, and it affects the human brain.

[947] It affects the way people behave.

[948] It makes men more impulsive.

[949] It's responsible for a disproportionate number of motorcycle accidents.

[950] They check people that are crashing motorcycles, and they find out that a lot of them are infected with this toxoplasma shit.

[951] And in Europe, it's like really prevalent.

[952] Anywhere there's a lot of wild cats, it's really prevalent.

[953] Like Europe and France, 80 % of the people are infected with toxoplasma.

[954] No shit.

[955] Yes, 80.

[956] In America, it's over 60 million.

[957] It's really crazy.

[958] But that cat might have had that.

[959] It might have been just nuts.

[960] I'm not, I can't even describe it how terrifying it was.

[961] I don't think they even mapped out the behavior, the behavioral change that it has in cats.

[962] Because I've only heard about the behavioral change in humans and rats, which is really interesting, that I've never heard anything.

[963] There's a guy named Robert Sarpalski that's the leading scientist on all this shit, and he's got some amazing videos on it.

[964] And, you know, he goes into depth about how they really are just sort of wrapping their head around this, the extent of the infiltration of this parasite into human beings.

[965] I mean, it's like, it might be like half the population of the Earth are infected.

[966] It's really crazy.

[967] Yeah, because in Brazil it's 60%, in France, it's 80%.

[968] It's like, it's really high in a lot of different places in South America.

[969] It's, and like I said, over 60 million, that's the estimate.

[970] People don't even know, you know.

[971] We always talk about it.

[972] Like, we know, what if I had it?

[973] I was around a cat when I was young.

[974] I had a feral cat that I raised, you know, and Brian's been around cats this whole life.

[975] Joey Diaz has like 11 cats.

[976] Right.

[977] Joey has 11 cats, and a lot of them were wild.

[978] He used to take wild cats in and feed wild cats outside.

[979] Wait, what could that?

[980] do to you though have we don't know fucks with your brain man yeah you know your immune system you know if you have a healthy immune system but they they don't know really they don't I mean it affects people in different ways he's a huge dicks yeah could you imagine everybody's just racing and hang around with cats that's just gave you a huge huge ruthless dick imagine if like it wasn't Viagra that you needed it was just you got to be around a lot of cat shit yeah guys would be eating cat shit by litter box this is this is what happens bro here's the good news news, the bad news.

[981] The good news is it makes your dick bigger and stronger.

[982] Okay, what's the bad news?

[983] The bad news is it's you become a crazy person.

[984] Your brain is eating itself.

[985] Your brain is like infected with a cat parasite.

[986] Yeah.

[987] I heard a lot of people say this cat parasite's not that bad.

[988] If the positive was your dick got bigger and was hard at will, if your dick was like a rhino horn that you could always call upon.

[989] That hippo story reminded me of that asshole with the bears.

[990] Oh, grizzly man. I love that.

[991] Isn't that the best comedy ever?

[992] Tommy and I saw that in the theater, and we laughed so hard.

[993] That kind of cemented our relationship.

[994] It did.

[995] Did it really?

[996] Well, there was a moment.

[997] We watched that documentary in the theater, and there's probably, there was 40 or 50 people there, and we kept, we were the assholes that were like, look how fucking done this guy.

[998] Like the whole time.

[999] And then there was a scene, well, I'll never forget where they interviewed a pilot that would fly Timothy out there.

[1000] And the place is.

[1001] quiet and we're sitting there watching and they go what did you think when you like would drop them off and he told you he was going to be with bears for months and the guy goes well honestly I thought he was retarded and we laughed so loud and everybody in the theater was just like where did you guys see it we saw it in some like the lemley yeah I saw that in Hollywood and the whole theater was laughing I saw it in a great theater everybody thought it was funny Yeah, I think I started with Eddie We were blazed, of course And every moment of the movie Was hilarity Man, we were laughing It was like a goddamn comedy When he was playing with the shit Oh look!

[1002] This came out of her butt He's like, oh dude, dude, yeah We watched it with and stuck up people for sure You remember?

[1003] We were laughing so hard And that place felt like It was Pasadena stuffy?

[1004] I think the Lemley crowd Generally is there I need to move to Pasadena Yeah Be close the eyes house, get myself a mansion out there.

[1005] For sure.

[1006] Edina's where it's out.

[1007] I like it.

[1008] It's what the San Fernando Valley intended to be.

[1009] I grew up in the valley.

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] But they wanted it to be like Pasadena.

[1012] Yeah, Pasadena is better.

[1013] Yeah, some parts are going to the valley, but some are, you know.

[1014] Well, whenever we do the ice house there, we're like, people are fucking really genuinely nice out here.

[1015] It doesn't feel like L .A. It feels like a different time.

[1016] The homeless people are all old ladies, too.

[1017] There was no, like, homeless guys.

[1018] They're old old ladies, and they make these, like, tent, like these forts.

[1019] And they're so nicely folded, like, blank.

[1020] and cans are folded even.

[1021] That's sad shit, dude.

[1022] It really makes me feel really bad when I see some woman and, you know, I see her out there on her own.

[1023] I don't know why.

[1024] I don't like to say old.

[1025] I feel like some old guy, like, take care of yourself stupid.

[1026] I see an old woman.

[1027] I see an old woman and I feel terrible.

[1028] Don't you hate seeing old, like, I'm talking older people doing like having, like jobs?

[1029] No, like, when you see like a seven, like a seven.

[1030] clearly somebody in their 70s like just having any job really like sometimes they like that though like my mom retired and they went back to work at a fucking amish restaurant gift shop just because she was bored out of her mind well that's different and she's like getting like six dollars an hour you can see it on someone's face you can see when they're like i got to do this to get by you know yeah yeah that sucks well you know it sucks because you also imagine yourself doing that of course when you're tired and old and you really should be resting and enjoying your last days on this planet before you're fucking transitioning to the afterlife but now you got a fucking hat on you're working at chucky cheese you know hey kids what do you want you want special you want pizza do you want to try the daily double dose of cheese and offers but i felt bad for this this my parents generation because they really got fucked in this recession a lot of people that are planning on retiring can't do that now yeah they work their whole goddamn life and now what yeah there's a guy who lives down the street from me that was trying to build a house So he had this whole, he had a plot picked out a really nice spot with a beautiful view and everything and he was putting all his money towards this and the fucking stock market crashed.

[1031] All the bullshit went down, the economy, shit the bed.

[1032] He lost his savings.

[1033] He lost everything.

[1034] He lost the whole pile.

[1035] And you realize, too, this?

[1036] He just has this lot, his beautiful lot that represents his dreams.

[1037] His dreams, yeah.

[1038] That will never take place.

[1039] And he's an older guy, man. He's not going to be around that much longer.

[1040] It just kills me, dude.

[1041] There are people that retired at exactly the right moment.

[1042] You know what I mean?

[1043] Like, there are people who got their money out when it was at his peak.

[1044] And then there were people who were like, literally, it's like a, like a cliche, like, buddy cop movie.

[1045] Like, I'm retiring next year.

[1046] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1047] And you're like, that guy just from sticking around like till May or whatever it was, like lost his net worth.

[1048] 50, 60 % and completely changed his fucking life.

[1049] Isn't that crazy?

[1050] Although a lot of people planned on everything staying the same.

[1051] They're like, we just got it.

[1052] We're just about to escape here.

[1053] And boom, the floor falls out.

[1054] And not only are you out of a job, not only do you no longer have a pension, but, oh, guess what?

[1055] You can't afford your house anymore.

[1056] Oh, well, you're almost homeless.

[1057] Oh, look at this.

[1058] Now you're sleeping at your friend's house.

[1059] Like, holy shit.

[1060] You have your kids and your wife and you're staying at someone else's house.

[1061] And you're in their basement.

[1062] I'll huddle up together.

[1063] And you're like, holy fuck, I can't find a job.

[1064] Boom.

[1065] That's what's happening to a lot of people, man. There's a lot of people out there that it just stopped.

[1066] Like the machine stopped.

[1067] And everybody's like, what's going on?

[1068] Where are the jobs?

[1069] There are no jobs?

[1070] Have you been to Ohio?

[1071] I mean, I do, there's a few clubs in Ohio, like Toledo and Cleveland.

[1072] They keep hearing about Cleveland.

[1073] Yeah, and it's so sad because you just see it.

[1074] There's nothing for people to do.

[1075] Detroit, you really see it.

[1076] Oh, yeah.

[1077] I know it talks about it, but I did Detroit twice this year.

[1078] And, like, you know, there's, there's, the club isn't actually improprietory, but you, you know, you fly in.

[1079] Ann Arbor, that club?

[1080] No, I did, I did the comedy castle, which is a suburb of it, like, it's Livonia or something.

[1081] But you drive through and, like, the, you know, the fucked up part is, actually, I think, seeing the industry places that have closed.

[1082] Like, they're like, that used to be this factory and then all the windows are broken out.

[1083] Oh, yeah.

[1084] That's a place that, like, 2 ,000 people or whatever used to work at.

[1085] I was just gone.

[1086] Well, you've ever seen those, those videos.

[1087] where they drive down whole huge just mile after mile of abandoned houses.

[1088] Yeah.

[1089] It's like craziness.

[1090] It really does look like some Mad Mac shit.

[1091] You know, it looks like, like what comes next?

[1092] You know, what is this like?

[1093] This is a large scale.

[1094] It's goddamn Detroit.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] Detroit Rock City.

[1097] It's where Mustangs come from.

[1098] It's where Corvettes come from.

[1099] What's sort of the Bowling Green Kentucky now.

[1100] But you know what I'm saying?

[1101] It's like that's where, you know, cars, American cars were built.

[1102] My dad worked at the Chrysler factory.

[1103] When we moved to Canada, that was his first job.

[1104] The Chrysler factory.

[1105] I don't know if it's there anymore.

[1106] It's probably in Mongolia.

[1107] Can I tell you what?

[1108] I just heard this guy on NPR.

[1109] He wrote a book about how this generation of kids, you know, your mom always told you, be a doctor, be a lawyer, be an accountant, because those jobs, you'll always have a job.

[1110] Well, not now because you can outsource that.

[1111] You want your taxes done cheap?

[1112] You can send him to a guy in India that knows tax law.

[1113] Same with everything else.

[1114] So this generation, they're going to have to get creative in terms of, like, how.

[1115] they think create their own jobs create their own way of making money like those those days are slowly dwindling down those those trade jobs yeah well also when you have the internet and you're sending files it doesn't matter if you send a file to the accountant up the street or if you send the file to a guy on the other side of the world yeah if he's willing to do it cheaper yeah it's a fucking very strange time it is man a mechanic a mechanic's good the real problem is right now we we are slowly being forced to live the reality to the rest of the world that's been operating under for the past few decades.

[1116] That's really what's going on.

[1117] And everybody was like, you know, America is not a third world country, you know.

[1118] Well, when everything becomes the same, guess what?

[1119] Yeah, a lot of it's going to be like a third world country.

[1120] Because as we more interconnect with the rest of the world, you know, and as our facade of an economy slowly evaporates into nothingness, we really are forced into a situation that looks eerily similar to what Russia faced.

[1121] Sure.

[1122] Yearly, yeah, it looks eerily similar.

[1123] We're getting bettered at many things in different, you know, fields.

[1124] I didn't know.

[1125] I saw a thing about highways and freeways and how, like, for a long time, like, we set the standard for, like, we were the first, like, massive country to build, like, where you can, you think about it, we don't, we take it for granted, but you can get in a car, be like, I want to drive to Montana.

[1126] You just get on any other city you want to go to Louisiana, you just take this way, you know, it's just, it's like that, and we've had, like, the best, and, like, China is killing us in highways and freeway in quality in like the number of them and where you can go in them killing us so they're...

[1127] Bourdain says they kill us in cell phone coverage he's like you could be over there oh yeah you said he could be over there in like the middle of nowhere in the woods you've got five bars God damn it yeah well I haven't been to China but I've been to South Korea and dude their society is way more advanced they feel like their internet is way more advanced their phones are more advanced oh cleaner they just have I don't know they're way ahead of us they're crushing they buy a lot of shit with their phones like they're just starting to come to the phones now there's a thing called Google Wallet and Google Wallet is an app that allows you to go up to when you go to the thing where you scan your credit card you can look at it and if it has like sort of this logo on it this Google Wallet sort of a logo then what you do is you take the application you pull it up on your Google phone press it put it right up to that and it automatically pays for your bill.

[1128] So you don't even have to swipe a credit card.

[1129] You don't have to sign shit.

[1130] You just put in your code, put it, press your phone right up to it, bang.

[1131] So you don't have to have a phone with, I mean, you don't have to have a wallet with credit cards anymore, eventually.

[1132] Eventually everything you'll be able to buy with your phone.

[1133] I don't know if Google wallet exists.

[1134] Do you know, Brian, where the Google wallet exists for the iPhone?

[1135] I don't think so.

[1136] No. I think it just takes you too.

[1137] I think you'd do it over a website though.

[1138] Oh, over a website.

[1139] I don't know, though.

[1140] That's whack.

[1141] You want to do it.

[1142] That's so crazy.

[1143] That's one, one knock that Google phones have over the iPhone if they have that because that's pretty dope once it comes into focus once it becomes a really popular thing that might make people sway from the iPhone to the droid phones getting the new studio one thing I thought was really interesting was that like home speeds for internet are capped around what's the highest lately like 60 or is it even that 30 megabytes I only get I don't get like 25 25 but what I have to get a business account because it's a business space that I rent the internet that speeds are like up to like hundred gigabytes or even more maybe and really like the upload speeds are ridiculous too i think they were like five megabyte uploads instead of what i think i'm paying for two megabyte for the fastest for universe wow and it's like that's not even fair it's like i almost like if if i am at home and i want to play games or be able to pay for something like this uh i wish i would have to make my house a business almost or something i think you could probably do that i don't know if you can make your house a business you can't can't possible no i mean just like list it as a business.

[1144] Can you do that?

[1145] You would have to, like, not live there, though.

[1146] I mean, I don't think it works that way.

[1147] You can, I don't know if it's the same.

[1148] Like, if you have a home office, I think that's still a home.

[1149] Right.

[1150] I don't know, though.

[1151] I mean, your building might have been wired differently, too, though.

[1152] You have to take that into account.

[1153] That's a building.

[1154] You know, that's a commercial building.

[1155] I mean, when they wired it, they might have wired.

[1156] I don't know, like, what the story is about, like, what is keeping you from getting the highest internet, you know?

[1157] That's weird, though.

[1158] It's, it's weird that, because I live very close to it, you know.

[1159] And I've checked it.

[1160] I wonder if it's something like they can't offer it to that many people.

[1161] Like the bandwidth isn't there.

[1162] Yeah, that's a good point.

[1163] That could it be.

[1164] Yeah, because people would be just downloaded a million movies all day.

[1165] Has anybody ever gone to jail for stealing movies?

[1166] Yeah.

[1167] I don't know.

[1168] What's that one movie, the one, the boring ass movie, where they're like picking up bombs, whatever that movie was, it won all those awards where it's like, that, that.

[1169] Oh, Hurt Locker.

[1170] The Hurt Locker.

[1171] those guys like i guess went after like tons of people uh like 25 000 people or something ridiculous like that uh and they just dropped a lot of them the other day so they're still getting suing people that downloaded their movie out legal really and that it's weird that the production company actually is the one going after them so the production company they somehow or another find out who has put these things online for download and then they they attract they attack them yeah they pretty much uh tell like you know certain how do they tell could they tell by who uploaded it?

[1172] Is that what it is?

[1173] Yeah, I guess, you know, what they do is they can check the IPs, get from the torrents and stuff like that, and then they would have to sue, like, you know, charter or whoever.

[1174] They made an example out of some kid a couple of years ago.

[1175] It wasn't like a kid and his mom, and they were like, I mean, even though everybody had downloaded songs, they went after some kid, and they were like, you owe like $380 ,000 because of this amount per song.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] But then they, you know, I think they, they settled with them out of court, but it was, they were doing that clearly just to get publicity right for the case and make it seem like you know don't you dare dream of doing this it is kind of weird man it's such a weird gray area whether or not something that you bought and you paid for whether you could distribute it for music it's really interesting like how these paid companies like Spotify and Rhapsody and stuff like that really for in my opinion have stepped in and I don't really download music much anymore because now I just pay 10 bucks a month for Spotify and I fucking listen to it as much as I want to you know it's like jukebox of every single song.

[1178] Don't you have to be online to get that?

[1179] Not all the time.

[1180] I think you can save songs to your device.

[1181] I haven't really fucked around with it too much on that part.

[1182] But I think you could also save songs.

[1183] If you pay $10 a day, it will download it inside the app.

[1184] And then it will, it needs to at least connect to make sure that you're a member still.

[1185] And then it makes all the songs work.

[1186] That's annoying.

[1187] That's too complicated.

[1188] I'd rather get things on iTunes.

[1189] I get my shit on iTunes.

[1190] How do you feel about like your content, though?

[1191] You know what, man?

[1192] I think, you know, what I do is very different because, first of all, as a comedian, when you're, you know, when you're releasing your information or when you're releasing your material, rather, if you're putting out a CD or a DVD or something, you're essentially putting out an advertisement and you're essentially putting out an example of your work that you're proud of, that you want people to see and enjoy.

[1193] Yeah.

[1194] You know, and yeah, you want to be compensated for it.

[1195] Yeah, you want to make money for it.

[1196] But the way I roll is that if I downloaded, if I've ever downloaded anything illegally, I have always bought it if I liked it, always.

[1197] Really?

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] And even bought, I've bought some things that I didn't like just because I felt guilty because I couldn't get it legally when I wanted to, so I had to get it some other way.

[1200] There's no way most people do that, though.

[1201] Yeah, I have a problem.

[1202] I can't litter.

[1203] If I drop something on the ground, I have to get it.

[1204] It's good.

[1205] I'll have to run after it if the fucking wind is blown.

[1206] God damn it, I'll have to fucking chase after this little piece of paper.

[1207] It could be a gum wrapper.

[1208] Really?

[1209] I don't like leaving behind a problem.

[1210] It bugs me, you know.

[1211] So when I look at the idea of littering psychically, the idea of littering with your consciousness, that you take little thing, you do shitty little things and you take them for granted, and then you have these little things curled up in a fucking corner, those little crumpled up papers of ideas and consciousness has littered your fucking head.

[1212] I don't like it.

[1213] So if a band is good, if I buy, you know, if somebody sends me to, to a YouTube link, and I go, wow, it's a fucking badass on.

[1214] And then there's a download link somewhere on some site where you're not supposed to go to, and I download it, and I like it.

[1215] I always buy it.

[1216] I always buy it.

[1217] I think you have to.

[1218] I think you're supposed to.

[1219] I don't really download anything.

[1220] I mean, everything that I have, I bought.

[1221] I buy on iTunes.

[1222] Yeah, I mean, even then.

[1223] I mean, like, say, if I found something illegal, I'll search to find it legally.

[1224] I'll buy it on Amazon, you know?

[1225] Yeah.

[1226] You guys touching each other as well?

[1227] He touched his leg in my leg.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] It was accidental.

[1230] I'm sorry.

[1231] I bumped it.

[1232] I'm sorry.

[1233] Joe, have you heard about Gene Simmons kid What happened There was news I read this morning You want another beer Can I have your beer Yeah sure Thanks He's a comic book artist You want a cold one You want a cold?

[1234] Oh okay Yeah Oh shit Thank you have another one Joe Nope Yeah sucker Who is this So Gene Simmons's kid Yeah And he does comic books He does manga I think it's called Japanese -style anime And thanks man yeah his son real nice guy we actually met him once yeah we met the improv but there's this they they outed him uh for just completely tracing a japanese comic uh book artist and like like they have these like lineups where they show like face on top of face where they overlay it and it's exactly him he's a young kid though how old is he is he like is he 19 or 20 isn't he uh he's young i don't know if he's 19 or 20 but you know i don't know the whole story i don't know if Like the comic's like an old comic, because I know, I used to draw comics just for fun.

[1235] I know that there has been many times where I'd like, like, I liked, like, how Spider -Man was posing or something like that.

[1236] So I would, like, trace his pose.

[1237] Right.

[1238] You know, that's how you learn how to draw.

[1239] Yeah, yeah.

[1240] So I wonder if he...

[1241] Is he an art student or is he trying to sell these things?

[1242] That's where it makes the difference.

[1243] Yeah, I think he sells them.

[1244] I think he's pretty successful.

[1245] It's kind of hard to get away from that one.

[1246] Like, I trace the shit.

[1247] Yeah.

[1248] So the Japanese artist on his Twitter today, you know, was confused at first, but then, he said something like I'm more surprised that Gene Simmons's kid does comics or something like that I can't remember but so he knows about it he didn't seem that angry.

[1249] Wow how did not seem angry at that?

[1250] I don't know you know very polite Japanese people I have no idea.

[1251] Yeah I always feel that stealing though is that like especially with jokes it's like well I can always write another one it sucks to have your shit.

[1252] Yeah I could see it happening more in comic books just for people that like I guess he took a lot though the comic was called bleach he was in a band for a little while was he yeah yeah I remember he on I watched the show and on the reality show his band was playing somewhere and then his father like flew a flyer out of a plane showing his son's bands playing somewhere and you know making a big deal out of it wow this is crazy wow you're seeing that so it's the kid that's on that show yeah side by side analysis is pretty fucking damning yeah he's old enough to know I mean it is he he's yeah it's this is it's not just tracing it I mean it's like straight up taking almost some of it is not tracing some of it this one's not tracing but it's very obvious where the idea came from yeah this is bad man so sad yeah hmm I miss the Osbournes throw all your own stuff everybody it's weird I love that show I like that family some of them are a bit of a stretch there's a few of them here that are a bit of a stretch because that is a style what did you look How do you look it up?

[1253] Just Google Gene Simmons, kid comic book.

[1254] Trace.

[1255] Well, it definitely looks like...

[1256] Put bubble at the end.

[1257] There's no doubt about the idea that he was influenced.

[1258] He's unquestionably he was influenced, but there's a bunch of these pictures that are a real stretch.

[1259] Joe, did you see what that guy on your message board said that he for a living buys Google ads all the time?

[1260] And we always joke about like how I always put butthole at the end of Google searches.

[1261] So he was making it targeting California for the words butthole on the end of any kind of sentence and it just says something like, hey red man stop saying butthole or searching for a Google as a Google out on the side.

[1262] Google took it down because he used the word butthole.

[1263] He can't say butthole for Google.

[1264] I bet you could sell missiles.

[1265] Yeah this you know this is this is crazy man. This is weird to watch.

[1266] He really did trace his stuff.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] Yeah.

[1269] How sad.

[1270] He can.

[1271] Yeah.

[1272] They mean they even show an overlay.

[1273] They show like here's the original image.

[1274] This is, look, traced it.

[1275] That really sucks.

[1276] It's fucking sad.

[1277] This is something, that's something that's really hard to recover from.

[1278] Well, as an artist, yeah, appears like he's just made a career doing this.

[1279] Like, he's decided to try to, to make a career doing it this way.

[1280] All right, well, looks like you're going to have to borrow some more money from dad for a while.

[1281] Well, I don't know, man. You know, you want to give people the benefit of doubt.

[1282] Who knows?

[1283] It seems pretty shitty, though.

[1284] Sucks the year, right?

[1285] I know.

[1286] Maybe he was just horsing around, you know?

[1287] Wharf?

[1288] He used to word.

[1289] Horse play?

[1290] Yeah, he was just doing horse play.

[1291] Well, why would people think you're plagiarizing?

[1292] You'd have to ask them.

[1293] Don't ask me that.

[1294] You'd have to ask them.

[1295] I was just horsing around.

[1296] Have you heard the new fast?

[1297] That's a real problem in high schools is that teens are using vodka -soaked tampons to get drunk.

[1298] Oh, I've heard that with enabuses.

[1299] Isn't that a...

[1300] No, no, no, this is real.

[1301] There's news stories about it.

[1302] Go ahead.

[1303] Look up the news stories.

[1304] I mean, not animals.

[1305] Girls are doing this in high school.

[1306] They're soaking tampons with vodka and sticking them in their pussy.

[1307] And they're inserting beer bongs in their assholes.

[1308] And they're getting drunk that way.

[1309] You're getting drunk rectally.

[1310] You can totally do it.

[1311] There's no liver to filter out.

[1312] People are nuts.

[1313] You got to go for it.

[1314] And this is, apparently, this is what this vodka tampon thing does.

[1315] Should we try it?

[1316] You got to do it.

[1317] Tracks you.

[1318] Look up teen, get the video, teen using vodka soaked tampons to get drunk.

[1319] If you're in school, teens using vodka soaked tampons to get drunk.

[1320] And you're listening, go for it, man. Try the whole bottle.

[1321] You can die.

[1322] This is the problem.

[1323] The alcohol is going right in your bloodstream.

[1324] It's like shooting IV blood.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] You know, you can take things rectally, like there's this girl.

[1327] I can't.

[1328] She goes by the name of Neurosoup on YouTube, and she has like a website called Neurosoup, I think, and she's like kind of a famous person in the psychedelic community because at one point in time she was living with this guy that was this gigantic LSD dealer, like the biggest LSD dealer in the world, and she was a stripper.

[1329] And there's a really interesting thing on Vice .com, a video where they interview her and they talk about the crazy times that she's been through.

[1330] one of the things one of our videos online is her taking DMT anally she takes DMT and sticks it in her asshole and trips for like an hour wow yeah wow indeed that video's out there yeah she put the video what's wrong with good old fashion the old fashion I guess you want to go for a longer ride the old fashioned way only lasts for about 15 minutes at the most what about LSD you could put that up your ass too I bet you could see my eyes well Jimmy Hendrix the the legend is that Jimmy Hendrix used to put it his bandana.

[1331] As he was sweating, it would enter it to his pores.

[1332] Wow.

[1333] That sounds so fake.

[1334] I've heard of it being in socks and people sweating it into their cyst accidentally.

[1335] I don't know if that's true enough, but I'm sure it could happen.

[1336] Yeah, I'm sure that makes sense.

[1337] Raining out a dead show is always interesting seeing people.

[1338] Well, didn't that happen with, who was the creator of LSD?

[1339] Oh, Dr. LSD.

[1340] Wait, wait, no, the one that was like the group.

[1341] I remember his name.

[1342] Tell me that Leary?

[1343] No, no. Leary.

[1344] No, no. He didn't invent it.

[1345] I don't know.

[1346] I don't know.

[1347] I forget the fucking guy's name.

[1348] God damn it.

[1349] But anyway, uh, I believe the first time.

[1350] Dennis Leary.

[1351] Dennis Leary.

[1352] That was his fucking name.

[1353] That was the catalyst for all.

[1354] It is.

[1355] Albert Hoffman, Albert Hoffman.

[1356] Albert Hoffman, and then Albert Hoffman when he, um, invented it, I believe, uh, it happened by accident.

[1357] And if I'm not, if I'm not incorrect, I think he, uh, got it on his hand.

[1358] or something.

[1359] I forget how he was initially exposed to it.

[1360] I forget the story.

[1361] But I'm pretty sure the first time, it's like he got it on something and was like, what the fuck is going on?

[1362] Joe, have you done acid before?

[1363] No, I've never done acid.

[1364] I've only done.

[1365] Do you want it to do that now, bro?

[1366] Salvia, DMT.

[1367] Vodka tampons.

[1368] You know, some of the craziest experience I've ever had is from eating pot.

[1369] Some of the most intense psychedelic experiences I've ever had is eating pot.

[1370] I've told her.

[1371] I'll share some stories.

[1372] All right, just when you think you've heard it all when it comes to teens, and I have one, so I'm paying attention to this.

[1373] This one might have you saying, wait, what?

[1374] Is it in my assing.

[1375] To get that quick buzz is pretty scary.

[1376] That quick buzz.

[1377] Elizabeth Irwin is here with a straight story.

[1378] Oh boy, Elizabeth.

[1379] I've got to tell you, Stephen, two things I never thought would appear in the same sentence, tampons and vodka.

[1380] Do I have your attention?

[1381] Good, because if you're a parent, you regularly need to hear this.

[1382] She went home immediately stuffed the whole bottle of vodka up her asshole.

[1383] She's poured it into her ass.

[1384] Sally, I'm doing it right now.

[1385] I'm all up in my asshole.

[1386] I'm drunk.

[1387] When we heard how kids are getting drunk these days, we thought, no way.

[1388] So we hit up the experts to find out if it's an urban legend or if it's legit.

[1389] There's been documented cases of people going to the hospital with alcohol poisoning just from utilizing it that way.

[1390] Utilizing.

[1391] Officer Chris Thomas spends his days patrolling the halls of a valley high school.

[1392] He's heard firsthand how kids are getting tipsy.

[1393] What we're hearing about is teenagers utilizing tampons soaking in vodka first before using them.

[1394] You heard right, teens taking tampons, soaking them in vodka.

[1395] God damn teens.

[1396] And inserting them in their pussy.

[1397] It gets absorbed directly in there.

[1398] They report is spreading her pussy open here.

[1399] She can't even say vagina.

[1400] She says, there.

[1401] That's how terrified we are of anything sexual in Americans, unbelievable.

[1402] believable.

[1403] There, her no -no hole.

[1404] They'll insert them into their rectums.

[1405] You guys will do it too.

[1406] Search it to where she comes out of it.

[1407] So I found how acid was invented.

[1408] Yeah, it was an accident.

[1409] Whilst recynthesizing LSD, Hoffman accidentally absorbed a small amount of it through his fingertips and serendipitously discovered the powerful effects.

[1410] He said, this is his exact words, affected by a remarkable restlessness combined with a slight dizziness at home I lay down and sank into a not unpleasant, intoxicated like condition characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination.

[1411] In a dreamlike state with eyes closed, I found the daylight to be unpleasantly glaring.

[1412] I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense kaleidoscope play of colors after some two hours in this condition faded away.

[1413] Wow So then he decided to take it on his own So this was by accident And then what he did is he took it on his own And tried to ride home on his bike Is that hilarious?

[1414] He called it Bicycle Day The guy gave himself 25 0 .25 milligrams Which is 250 micrograms That's a fucking heavy dose The actual threshold dose is only 20 micrograms Threshold dose is at me That means you feel it You feel it at 20 micrograms So that's the time The intoxication threshold.

[1415] There's 20 micrograms.

[1416] He takes $2 .50.

[1417] Shazam, son.

[1418] I've never found it from anybody I trust.

[1419] I got some from this guy that was friends with Andy Dick, and he was out of his fucking mind.

[1420] This guy, and he's like, really wanted me to take it.

[1421] Come on, man, take it.

[1422] I'm like, yep, no, no, it's going to happen.

[1423] Just get liquid.

[1424] Even getting liquid, you've got to know who the hell you're getting it from, man. You've got to know that people are taking it consistently.

[1425] It's really should fucking have it tested.

[1426] Really, what it should be is fucking legal.

[1427] and there should be LSD, like, institutes where you go, and, hey, do you want to really know who you are?

[1428] Sit down.

[1429] You know, I mean, it's all chemically similar to each other.

[1430] Have you?

[1431] All, like, DMT, LSD, mushrooms.

[1432] They're all really close.

[1433] Yeah, what is DMT exactly?

[1434] Dymethyl triptomy.

[1435] Oh, here we go.

[1436] Sorry, I don't know.

[1437] I'm not in the kids these days.

[1438] You have Google on your phone.

[1439] I did acid as a kid.

[1440] I'm a acid and meth.

[1441] He said, here we go, because there's a video of me talking about it.

[1442] It's got like a billion, billion hits.

[1443] And we've talked about it on the podcast a hundred times.

[1444] It's a psychedelic chemical, but it's when your own brain makes.

[1445] Gotcha.

[1446] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1447] But all the really powerful ones, like LSD, you know, LSD and DMT and mushrooms, they're all real similar.

[1448] They're like chemical cousins, you know.

[1449] So it's interesting that those are the super potent ones, and they're really close to what your own brain makes naturally.

[1450] LSD?

[1451] I don't know, man, because I've taken that a lot, and my brain does not function.

[1452] Did you ever take it through your asshole?

[1453] No, I took it at Lollapalooza when I was 14 years old and I was goth.

[1454] You were got off then?

[1455] Yeah, I had retainers and a velvet dress.

[1456] Oh, shit.

[1457] And Susie and the Banjys came on and I did at the same time and I threw my retainers across the field at Irvine Meadows.

[1458] Wow.

[1459] And I had to leave and that was the end of that.

[1460] Did you ever read about how the CIA would like, they tested on people?

[1461] Oh, sure.

[1462] There's videos.

[1463] Well, how about the town in France where they dose the whole town?

[1464] and put it in their bread and people killed themselves.

[1465] Oh, yeah, in the 1950s.

[1466] Really?

[1467] Yeah, they doused a whole town.

[1468] They just experimented out of town in France.

[1469] The Americans?

[1470] Yeah, CIA.

[1471] Freedom of Information Act, it's all available now.

[1472] There's a lot of creepy shit they do that really truly defines what the government is all about.

[1473] You know, a lot of people think the government is just us working in a different job.

[1474] It's not.

[1475] It's people that have a history of being ruthless, a history of being ruthless, and that's how you get to that position in the first place.

[1476] but the experiments they did on people are just fucking horrendous.

[1477] Now, what was the utility of LSD initially?

[1478] Well, they really, they thought it was going to be a truth serum.

[1479] Oh, I thought it was to make soldiers aggressive.

[1480] No, no, no, no. They give them steroids for that.

[1481] Oh, okay.

[1482] Steroids and meth.

[1483] That is?

[1484] Crystal meth is the Japanese invented that for getting fucking planes to crash into boats.

[1485] So it got to be all methed up, do that.

[1486] Are they all meth up, really?

[1487] Yeah, that's where Crystal Methad Dream was invented.

[1488] And now you can just drive trucks on it.

[1489] Have you ever been around people that were on meth?

[1490] In high school, I grew up here, around here actually, in your neighborhood.

[1491] And that was the drug of my generation was meth.

[1492] And then rave culture, so everyone was dropping tons of V and taking meth.

[1493] Cocaine, not so much in LSD.

[1494] That's my generation.

[1495] Once I tried it, and I don't like how it, just do coke.

[1496] Coke is so much classier.

[1497] What did meth do for you?

[1498] You fucking stay up for days making collages and moving furniture.

[1499] It's utter chaos.

[1500] Wow.

[1501] You make collages?

[1502] I need to do that.

[1503] Why do you go, before you make collages?

[1504] Because that's how I felt, you know, because you're just so fired up.

[1505] You're like, I'm going to do something.

[1506] Wow.

[1507] But there's nothing, at least for me, I couldn't be constructed.

[1508] Just once, once.

[1509] I've never done Adderall.

[1510] But from what I understand, Adderall and meth, they're like cousins as well.

[1511] It's like, it's, I would say Adderall is more like cocaine.

[1512] Because, like, even when I did Adderall, I felt like I was getting drips and like cocaine symptoms was that like uh psychological like psychosomatic whatever it triggered was the same fucking neighborhood as wow but don't the drips come from actually snorting the yeah how did you take your adderol felt like it no no no no no no no we know but i've snorted adderal also you have snorted at all really yeah they crush it up and wow we know a guy who uh was uh like i i talk i tell the story now on stage of the guy who used to drive us.

[1513] Oh, my God.

[1514] To the airport.

[1515] This was our driver.

[1516] Yeah.

[1517] Like a regular guy because we go to the airport so often we used this, you know, we found like a cheaper car service.

[1518] It's easier than dealing with like driving and parking.

[1519] Right.

[1520] And like he was, you know, it was like a cheap ride, basically.

[1521] Older guy and like all white hair and was really professional.

[1522] And then like after like 10 rides, it's one of those things where like, you know, when somebody's like Mr. Rogan and Mr. And you finally go, you can call me Joe.

[1523] Right.

[1524] It was like that kind of thing where I was like, it's Tom.

[1525] He's like, it's Tom.

[1526] He's like, yeah, he's like, cool.

[1527] Hey, man, let me ask you something.

[1528] Like, everything changed as soon as I said, like, you know, to be professional with me. Oh, my God.

[1529] And he goes, can I ask you something?

[1530] I was like, yeah.

[1531] And he goes, do you smoke weed?

[1532] And I was like, yeah, I mean, I guess, yeah.

[1533] He's like, do you want to smoke some now?

[1534] I was like, really?

[1535] It's like, five in the morning.

[1536] Yeah, and I was like, yeah, all right.

[1537] And then.

[1538] You said, yeah, right?

[1539] Yeah.

[1540] Okay, driver.

[1541] Yeah, that's exactly.

[1542] I'm not sure comfortable with you in my life.

[1543] He starts smoking, and then he goes, I can't drive unless I'm fucked up.

[1544] That's a quote.

[1545] Oh, my God.

[1546] This is like a scene in a movie.

[1547] This is like a scene in a Seth Rogen movie.

[1548] I swear to God.

[1549] And then, this is a shot at Apatel.

[1550] It is, man. I swear to God.

[1551] And he's old as shit, too.

[1552] He's like 80, isn't he?

[1553] Really?

[1554] Oh, fuck.

[1555] He's like 70s.

[1556] And then he goes, and then he's like, there's more, like, this particular, it is early.

[1557] He drives fast.

[1558] He's like one of these.

[1559] I've been driving 50 years in L .A. We've got to take this street.

[1560] And I was like, you know, I was basically like, keep it together, man. And he was like, he was like, I've been up since, you know, three.

[1561] And I'm like, he's all the line shit.

[1562] And I start asking him, I'm like, have you done other drugs?

[1563] He's like, oh, buddy, buddy.

[1564] Like, I've done it all.

[1565] And I was like, really?

[1566] He's like Coke, heroin.

[1567] He's like, there's nothing like smoking rocks.

[1568] And I swear to God.

[1569] And I was like.

[1570] He was like 70?

[1571] Yeah.

[1572] And he is flying through El Barrio, through the old neighborhood.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] Oh, my God.

[1575] And so this is an El Salvadorian.

[1576] neighborhood he's like and every like we're going through lights and he's like look at that little brown one right there oh that little brown looks like sweating he was married to a peruvian and then he had like an el salvadorian girlfriend he's like I love these little brown ones he had a one on the side yeah well and he had oh he's like five girlfriends and they're all like 20 70 yeah and they were all like 20 yes oh yeah but now but when he'd be like like we drive to the ghetto and he'd be like that's where I used to buy my crack there yeah he was like this neighborhood's got the good stuff God.

[1577] So we're in the, we're driving around and I go, I go, oh, I go, well, can I ask you something now that we're friends, I guess, you know, he's like, yeah, shoot.

[1578] I was like, what's it like to smoke crack?

[1579] And he goes, oh, man, he's like, what I like to do when I smoke crack is like, like, I'll just sit in my apartment.

[1580] Wait a minute, stop.

[1581] Stop, don't say anything.

[1582] Hold on.

[1583] Did he say porn?

[1584] He watches porn.

[1585] No. No. Okay, go ahead.

[1586] I'm sorry.

[1587] He goes, I like to, I like to look through the people and I look around.

[1588] And I look around.

[1589] And I look around.

[1590] And I look around.

[1591] And I look around.

[1592] at what the fuck's out and I think I see all this shit I think about what's gonna happen next I see people walk by and I just kind of fucking freak out you know and I was like that sounds terrible man and he was like it's part of the rush that's the rush you know what the fuck's gonna happen next you look to the people to see you're gonna come get you that's his rush I had to stop you because everybody says everybody that ever talked to that smokes crack says they watch porn oh no well Henry did say I invited this girl over and we fuck like animals like he would have yeah he did say that he would have sex yeah sorry sorry I didn't say his last name no I don't know his last name Henry the ape so the best is uh like and this sounds like I sound like I swear this is exactly how it goes I go so do you still do that shit and he goes uh nah man no no no he goes well you know every once in a while but you know what they say if you do something every once in a while it's not that bad for you and I go I think they mean that about like pizza like chocolate and he's like ah it's not a big deal buddy I swear to God every once in a while well do you remember when the mayor of Washington DC got caught smoking crack yeah with an FBI agent in a fucking hotel room or an informant she was being a prostitute yeah yeah yeah yeah you remember that shit he was smoking crack and running the nation's capital yeah and then when they asked people about it the greatest thing was after he got caught this guy I remember this guy on TV they say what do you think about the mayor getting caught smoking crack goes man everybody smoke a little crack every now and then everybody smoke a little crack every now and then this guy was on TV he's like come on man stop playing you're being ridiculous why you stop playing who doesn't who don't smoke crack everybody smoked some crack little now and then I was on opium Anthony and he was in the hallway yeah we were in the serious studios you know so there's a big window you could see who's walking down the hallway and Marian Barry was walking him homey.

[1593] So one of the interns from the Open Anthony show, or maybe was it Eric, who was it, Iraq?

[1594] I think it was it in Iraq here.

[1595] He went out and grabbed him.

[1596] Grab Mary and Barry and brought him into one of the most hostile radio shows in the history of the fucking human race.

[1597] These guys are the best.

[1598] So he sits Mary and Barry in there, and we just start asking him questions about getting caught with crack.

[1599] And one of the things he said is like, nobody knows what was in that pipe.

[1600] Oh.

[1601] What?

[1602] That's you.

[1603] You were swung in the...

[1604] That's him saying I wasn't doing it.

[1605] Crack pipe.

[1606] And I'm like, there was a video.

[1607] or you smoke and crack nobody knows what was in that pipe like wow wow still denying it political how political yeah very he's still got a career he's still out there making it happen really he's out there he was running for something he became mayor again yeah and he also didn't he became mayor again but he also he ran for something during the last elections I forget what it was something maybe well you know what man a lot of what being a fucking mayor is about is not what you do with your freak time it's about what you do with the rest of your time they felt like he was actually represent him.

[1608] So he was out there just keeping it real.

[1609] What did he get on these motherfucking man?

[1610] I think, isn't Ted...

[1611] What?

[1612] I just want to taste that child's bubble.

[1613] I'm about smoking to do a crack even now and then.

[1614] I'll never forget that guy.

[1615] He was annoyed.

[1616] Man, come on with this.

[1617] What is this nonsense?

[1618] Isn't Ted Haggard back doing some religious stuff?

[1619] Yeah, not only is he back, but he's brilliant in the way he approaches it, that everyone in his whole thing, oh, we have drug dealers and prostitutes and everybody looking to be saved.

[1620] you know it's like we've all lost our way but god is still there and i'm still going to lead you to god okay but he's gay right oh he's gay he's still married he's still married but he's gay as fuck of course he's gay yeah he's gay he's gay he's uh he's just you know he's he's uh he's just fighting it's just spraying the gay way don't you watch that you watch that documentary and you see him with his wife and they're like they're driving they're just trying to get an apartment he's like he's like but he's like he's like he's as he's talking you're like man you would be so much happier if you would just get up, be like, I'm totally gay, I'll see you later.

[1621] Just go be happy, man. Like, you don't have to be that miserable.

[1622] Well, there's that, but there's also the intoxication of being a leader.

[1623] Yeah, he loves it.

[1624] He's too addicted.

[1625] He's addicted to that.

[1626] A lot of the behavior is not genuine.

[1627] A lot of what his behavior is, is he's behaving the way he thinks people are going to accept the way he thinks people are going to find admirable and how, you know, it's like his real behavior.

[1628] He's not being honest with himself.

[1629] And if he's not being honest with himself, how the fuck could he be honest with other people?

[1630] He's gaining control in all these other people's lives, you know, and fighting off the lack of control he has in his own.

[1631] You know, he needs to be like a leader of a church.

[1632] He needs to be the man speaking.

[1633] Meanwhile, he's like crazy.

[1634] Oh, he's a hypocritical piece of shit and he's homophobic.

[1635] Meanwhile, he's, you know.

[1636] Smoking meth and getting gay hookers.

[1637] Right.

[1638] That's the worst kind, the hypocritical ones, all the congressmen.

[1639] All the righteous men.

[1640] Absolutely.

[1641] All the guys that tell you how to live.

[1642] and criticize you how you live why would you care if this person is if you look I don't want I might not want to live on Santa Monica Boulevard while the fucking gay parade is going on nobody in L .A. does I don't want to I mean I don't want it to be so that I can't you know drive it in my driveway without tripping over dudes fucking each other on my lawn I don't want it to be that bad can you mention tripping over boners that'd be so weird everywhere you go they pop out of the ground if you lived in San Francisco I did you pretty much do Well, even that Rick Santorum, that piece of human shit, too.

[1643] Who is that?

[1644] He's running for the Republican candidate.

[1645] He's a huge homophobic piece of human garbage.

[1646] He also wants to make, not only is he's really anti -gay, not just abortion, he wants to take away birth control.

[1647] He doesn't want to make girl because he said that's not what it's for.

[1648] If you're using birth control, like you're not, you're pregnant.

[1649] Well, he's, who the fuck are you, stupid.

[1650] Well, you know, it's people with their priorities are so out of why.

[1651] like why would you even be interested in that why would that be what you want to control why do you give a shit people are in sex you want to take away birth control you crazy asshole you want to make people it make it easier for people to get pregnant accidentally because that's God's will you know morons but why does he even care about what the gays are doing because you want some gay dick yeah exactly fighting off the gay toothed and nail right he's a real motherfucker all day all day just clawing off that gay trying to push it back sitting on dicks it's a sad thing when you see these poor fucking people suppressing people you know what do you think about this Occupy Wall Street shit I haven't talked to you about this what's your take on all of this I think it's it's great that a group of people want to like feel this way about there's a lot of inequality I think it's great like collectively the problem like the real flaw in Occupy Wall Street and these things is that there's not a clear set of what like they're trying to achieve it almost like this you know over like let's just do this collectively of society we're making a statement about being the 99 % and you guys the 1 % has and we're the have -nots but I think it would have been more effective if they had had like a clear list of like this is what we want to accomplish and it was it's more I feel like having watched it from outside I'm not an expert on it by any means but it just feels like it's more of a statement you go oh yeah it makes people a way where, but there isn't really like, you know.

[1652] The course of action?

[1653] Not really.

[1654] I mean, what do we do?

[1655] You know, there's a bunch of people who are.

[1656] Well, I think everybody's trying to figure that out for sure.

[1657] I guess so.

[1658] I guess I think, you know, it's interesting.

[1659] And I think the message really is this, if I feel like what I get from it is if, is if you really could get a lot.

[1660] And I mean, a ton of people behind a certain idea, you can affect change.

[1661] We're not going to see, I don't think we're seeing a lot of change from the entire Occupy movement.

[1662] but the idea, it kind of lays out for you that, like, they could take over a park or a square or a street and disrupt that day's normal function.

[1663] And if you were to magnify that, if you were to multiply the number of people there and you really had people saying, we are not going to stand for this, it leads me to believe that you could affect change.

[1664] You know what I mean?

[1665] Sure.

[1666] Look at the 60s.

[1667] I mean, there was a whole culture based on.

[1668] Well, you know, that's what's really interesting is that this only has only been around for, like, what, 90 days or something like that?

[1669] I mean, how many days.

[1670] And, you know, they did a recent poll.

[1671] More than half of America supports the Occupy Wall Street movement.

[1672] Right.

[1673] Well, they're not going to participate, though.

[1674] Yeah, but during the Vietnam War, it took five years to achieve those same numbers.

[1675] Took a long time of protesting for people really thought that the war was a bad idea.

[1676] You know, people in the 1950s had convinced everybody that communism was going to be a real problem.

[1677] And, you know, we were looking for communists in our own society.

[1678] And they were arresting people during the McCarthy era and stuff like that.

[1679] And I think during the 60s, people were a tad naive to how really fucked up and creepy the government could be.

[1680] We had just gone a couple generations or, I mean, rather a couple decades from World War II ending.

[1681] So I think a lot of people thought that the government was just and our army was strong and we fought off the Nazis and we fought off the Japs and we're fucking America and we're not cunts.

[1682] And then this whole, you know, we're not cunts.

[1683] I like that motto.

[1684] The Gulf of Tonkin incident happened.

[1685] and we were brought into a war there was no fucking reason to be in Vietnam for any American idea for anything that any people here that would have supported they lied to us they lied to people they claimed we were attacked when we weren't they made up bullshit so I think you know the people today we're aware of all these things in much larger numbers to this day I bet a lot of people don't realize that the impetus for us getting into the Vietnam War was a hoax you know I bet a lot of people aren't aware to this day of Operation Northwoods or all the plans, you know, there was plans to blame, if space program things went wrong, there was plans to blame it on the Cubans and attack Cuba.

[1686] There was a bunch of different plans to blame things on Cubans and attack Cubans.

[1687] Yeah, they were trying really hard to figure out a way to go to war with Cuba.

[1688] Right, right, well, to the point where they were gonna fake attacks on American civilians, they're gonna fake, they're gonna arm Cuban friendlies to lob mortars at Guantanamo Bay and attack Guantanamo Bay.

[1689] I mean, there's, it's some, crazy shit.

[1690] It really is crazy.

[1691] Which, by the way, Guantanamo Bay, that's pretty fucking crazy too when you think of these people that are enemies.

[1692] One of them has a giant military base on your fucking country.

[1693] That is not.

[1694] I've been there.

[1695] Have you really?

[1696] What the hell is that like, dude?

[1697] Well, the first thing that strikes you really is that it's so beautiful.

[1698] Really?

[1699] And that's kind of the, you know, the thing that stands out to you is you imagine like I'm going to a military base that also has the world's, one of the the world's most notorious prison camps and it's all in a underdeveloped uh caribbean waters because they do the banana rat fucking blow your mind but the banana rat you gotta look it up you've got to look it up they're all over the island look it up they're all over the island and you shit when you first see them really yeah they have guys holy shit oh my god they're all over the place the proper reaction to that.

[1700] Look at the size of this fucking thing.

[1701] Didn't you say that Castro could see?

[1702] Oh, there's some really cool stuff.

[1703] Yes.

[1704] They're actually kind of cute for a rat.

[1705] I'd rather take a banana rat than a way of it.

[1706] Here's how bad the problem is.

[1707] There's guys on base that are not like, they're not even military guys.

[1708] They got hired.

[1709] They give them a 22 and their job is at night.

[1710] You just drive around.

[1711] They're not.

[1712] And you just shoot.

[1713] Oh, yeah.

[1714] I've seen this.

[1715] I've seen this.

[1716] Are they like, it's not the same as a Nutria.

[1717] it they're they're not exactly the same no look at this picture they're right tell me wouldn't shoot that yeah oh my god it's weird when you shoot that thing you would shoot it's like there's weird things on half they want to eat your babies everywhere tell you that right now that thing wants to eat a baby that you fucking rat if you left it alone with the baby it would slowly eat its feet fuck yeah it would eat your baby's feet but you see you see the coastline and you see the water and you see it's basically what how much of the Caribbean is underdeveloped you basically see what the island looked like she's 500 years ago Brian, look at this picture.

[1718] You get a better picture of this one here.

[1719] That's a big ass fucking animal.

[1720] Look at that thing.

[1721] You know that they got me one night, and they made me scream, a high -pitched scream.

[1722] You know, Dan Smith, the comedian Dan Smith?

[1723] Yeah.

[1724] I was there with him and a couple other guys, Mel Hall and what's his name, Patrick DeGier.

[1725] We were all there.

[1726] And we get out of this van, and they had talked about, oh, we pull up in the van.

[1727] They're like, there's a banana rat right there.

[1728] And the lights of the van are on.

[1729] So we get out of the van and we all walk kind of close.

[1730] And they told us, you know, they eat vegetables or like the shrub, they're not like predatory.

[1731] Right.

[1732] So we sleep, but it's still a gross, massive thing.

[1733] So I sneak up and I'm kind of like, you know, I'm still like six feet from it.

[1734] And right as I squat down to like look and kind of squit my eyes, Dan runs his fingers up my neck like this and goes like, oh, there it is.

[1735] And I go, ah, I scream and like, I'm terrified at this fucking thing.

[1736] it is the grossest looking and it's massive it's like a fucking dog man it's a rat the size of a dog oh you jump i mean it's they're gross terrifying and gross yeah joe stop masturbating one tom's i have to i have to relieve myself i was that i was on some military base the fears the fears of in tura county and they had like yeah what do they have feral that raccoons you couldn't feed them they're just like everywhere really i don't know because you know there's there's a military base there friendly i did i did i didn't have far raccoons were friendly i did i I didn't know that they were dangerous.

[1737] You thought what was friendly?

[1738] Raccoons.

[1739] I never grown up with raccoons.

[1740] I live in the L .A. I had a huge problem with a raccoon when I lived in New Rochelle.

[1741] Where's that?

[1742] New Rochelle is right outside the Bronx.

[1743] It's like a suburb.

[1744] When I moved to New York, I couldn't afford to live in the city.

[1745] When you live in the city, it's much more expensive.

[1746] So I lived in the suburbs and I drove.

[1747] And I needed a car anyway because I drove to gigs.

[1748] And I had to have a place where I could park my car because there's no way I could afford to live in apartment in New York and have a parking spot.

[1749] Like you have to buy a parking spot somewhere and it's fucking brutal.

[1750] It's really expensive.

[1751] So I had to pull down this driveway and I would stop my car right in front of the garbage cans.

[1752] And when I would come home at night, it was fucking terrifying.

[1753] Because these raccoons were big.

[1754] They were really big and they were really well fed because they were just fucking people's garbage cans up left and right.

[1755] Because, you know, you're dealing with house after house and garbage can after garbage can so they're just eating constantly and they know exactly where the food is so they pull the tops off that bitch throw that motherfucker on the ground I mean they they pull them to the ground yeah and I get out of my car and this motherfucker's looking at me like fucking back is up and shit and I'm thinking if this thing charges me I'm fucked I'm dead so I got a blow gun and you know like with darts you know a blood or no blood when you fucking shoot like Yeah.

[1756] What should you get that at?

[1757] Like tranquilized.

[1758] Like a gun show.

[1759] That's weird.

[1760] I went to a gun show.

[1761] That was the only thing you'd get if you don't have a license for a gun.

[1762] How fun.

[1763] So I got a blow gun.

[1764] Did you ever say you got a chess king?

[1765] And these motherfuckers must have known I had a blowgun.

[1766] I swear to God, he never came back.

[1767] Really?

[1768] Yeah, the raccoon never came back.

[1769] It's almost like he sensed something predatory.

[1770] He sensed I was laying a trap for his ass.

[1771] Or he just found some fat people down the hall.

[1772] Had some awesome garbage.

[1773] Yeah.

[1774] Got their garbage every night.

[1775] It's pizza cross.

[1776] And fuck, yeah.

[1777] We got the spot.

[1778] I never saw that raccoon again, but he was fucking huge, man. I know people in Florida that would go hunting with semi -automatic machine guns to hunt raccoons.

[1779] Oh, my God.

[1780] Flashlights and then with like AR -15s.

[1781] Is that really bad?

[1782] Florida is so crazy.

[1783] It is a craziest place.

[1784] Florida is not the South.

[1785] No, it's not.

[1786] It's not the South and it's not the North.

[1787] It's the southernmost part of the United States, but it's not considered the South.

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] Is that amazing?

[1790] The South doesn't even want to have anything to do with Florida.

[1791] The only time the South wants anything to do with Florida.

[1792] is when you go, well, Lauren Skinner came from Florida.

[1793] Oh, you got me. You got me. You got me. Yeah, Florida is like a hybrid.

[1794] It is like a strip mall of a state.

[1795] It's a dirty strip mall of a state.

[1796] Even the best parts of Florida, like whenever I'm in Miami, I love the people down there.

[1797] They're fun, man. They're fun.

[1798] I love going down there and do gigs.

[1799] But I always put myself in a position.

[1800] I said, what if I had to move to Florida?

[1801] What would I do?

[1802] I'd be like, fuck!

[1803] Yeah.

[1804] I just think about my kids growing up in Florida and being a racist.

[1805] It's like a hopeless city.

[1806] Where are you go?

[1807] I know it's nice.

[1808] My parents live there.

[1809] My parents live in a real nice place.

[1810] But there's something wrong with that state.

[1811] It's not a coincidence.

[1812] It's so many fucking serial killers and psychos come from that spot.

[1813] And that's also where you go if you're like psycho and you're like, where can I get to fuck some shit off?

[1814] Where can I ditch a body?

[1815] And also, in my mind, I grew up a lot of, I knew a lot of shady people when I was a kid.

[1816] And everyone eventually went to Florida.

[1817] They all went down to Florida.

[1818] They moved to Florida.

[1819] My fucking sister moved down to Florida or shady husband moved down to Florida.

[1820] My fucking parents moved down to Florida And they're attracted to it It's like The weather's phenomenal Until the sky becomes a fucking brick wall of rain Have you ever had that happen?

[1821] You have to stop your car You have to stop the car on the highway Because you can't drive I don't think people understand What kind of rain we're talking about It's insane Eddie Bravo had a seminar in Miami We drove from Fort Lauderdale Down to Miami It was like 15, 20 minutes Not even right We're on the highway We can't go anywhere you literally can't drive and it feels like your car is getting fucked up.

[1822] It's like hail.

[1823] It's like it's whooshing down.

[1824] It's like a year's where the rain all in one blast.

[1825] It's incredible.

[1826] The whole highway stopped dead.

[1827] It's all the time.

[1828] You can't even see in front of you.

[1829] You can't even drive.

[1830] That's not even those...

[1831] You don't know about that shit.

[1832] That type of rain too is like you think like oh that must be like a tropical storm or a hurricane which I've driven both of those and they're horrifying and like crazy and you can't believe that.

[1833] No, that's just rain.

[1834] That's just an afternoon shower That's just hard rain That ain't shit The hurricane is that times a million Plus flying trees I've not experienced a hurricane yet I was at a hurricane in Boston And I remember I don't remember what year But by the time it got up to us Everybody was just scared and huddled in We lived in Newton We were pretty far inland The real people that had to worry We're like the people that are on the shore How wicked was the hurricane Who's wicked pissah Came in and fucked everybody sideways It's crazy Was it like a big hurricane No is it like a three If I had a choice between moving back to Boston And living in Florida I take Boston in a fucking heartbeat Shit winters and all Fuck yeah First of all they have a sense of humor Are you saying Boston versus Florida You'd pick Boston?

[1835] No doubt about it Are you kidding me Human beings in Boston It does not compare Just being around the human beings You'd have way more fun in Boston You're probably crazy town A thousand times more fun I'll tell you, they're way more fun.

[1836] Way more fun.

[1837] The further south you go to in Florida, it gets crazier, more aggressive.

[1838] Miami's, you might as well be in a foreign country.

[1839] You should have a fucking passport to go to Miami.

[1840] I love it.

[1841] They should check you at the border.

[1842] Yeah.

[1843] You guys are thinking all the bad parties in Florida.

[1844] There's so much good shit.

[1845] There's so much.

[1846] Tommy and I do, we've done, Tommy and I've done a bunch of gigs in Florida.

[1847] We did the Florida Comedy Festival.

[1848] We did that theater down in Miami.

[1849] We've done the improv a couple times.

[1850] We did Tampa.

[1851] We did West Palm.

[1852] The Miami Impro.

[1853] We've done a bunch of gigs.

[1854] It's fun.

[1855] That place, I'm done with that place.

[1856] I cut that place out of my diet in the early 2000s.

[1857] Me and Joey Diaz used to go down there because Joey knew the guy who was the original owner.

[1858] The original owner was always like, let me get a drawer.

[1859] That was back when Joey was in the dark days and he would just get money.

[1860] And the club owners would be reluctant to give him money because he might disappear.

[1861] Call you from Havana on a fucking rap.

[1862] Dog, I don't know how to got here, but it looks like I'm stuck.

[1863] You know, and we would go to these, do these shows at the Miami Improft.

[1864] and the whole crowd would break out into a fucking discussion.

[1865] Like over nothing.

[1866] They're real chatty.

[1867] I had a joke where I mentioned Oscar De La Jolla.

[1868] Somehow or another.

[1869] It was like a part of a joke that I used to do.

[1870] Something about getting punched by Oscar De La Jolla.

[1871] And then someone goes, fuck Oscar De La Jolla, man. Fernando Vargas.

[1872] Fernando Vargas.

[1873] And then it was like, he's a bitch.

[1874] Who is his or Chavez?

[1875] He's the man. And then it became this fucking crazy argument amongst apes.

[1876] They might as well.

[1877] They might as well.

[1878] chimpanzees that someone taught how to talk.

[1879] They were just the dumbest human beings I've ever been around.

[1880] And the rest of the crowd was the people who were forced to live around these moron kids.

[1881] And so they were just like sighing, like shaking their head back and forth.

[1882] Like, oh, I'm sorry.

[1883] But it was a savage crowd.

[1884] Like, they had not tamed that crowd.

[1885] And because of that, the most unruly of the unruly, the dumbest of the dumb, were drawn to that club and they papered the fuck out of the room.

[1886] The original owner was, he used to gack out hard.

[1887] core and he really wasn't doing what's that mean so he wasn't he wasn't taking care of the place correctly apparently I don't know this is allegedly this is all allegedly I'm not trying Miami Improft it's fun now fuck fuck you it's fun I remember the day where I was on stage where this was breaking out this fucking fucking and I stop in the middle of my son I go you people are way too dumb and I'm never coming back here I'm like this is ridiculous did you do not come out You came out to a comedy show and you want to yell out.

[1888] Who's your favorite boxer?

[1889] And there was like the impulsiveness was like there was no discipline.

[1890] There was nothing.

[1891] I mean, it was like literally like you were around the brattiest kids ever, but they were drinking and somehow they were 21.

[1892] Yeah.

[1893] You know, they were the brattiest kids who just felt like they could just yell things out.

[1894] And it's like, does anybody ever tell you to shut the fuck ever?

[1895] I know.

[1896] Does anybody ever tell you to shut the fuck up?

[1897] Because this is nonsense.

[1898] Yeah.

[1899] You have to be a crazy person to come.

[1900] come to a comedy club and be this unaware well yeah can i ask you something because this happened to me at the comedy store on saturday like have you ever had someone just make a comment in the crowd or just say some shit to you that enrages you like it it hits a trigger in you so fucking hard that's what they're trying to do yeah and you see red and you're like i'm gonna fucking like i this guy have that big animated troll face that big white that's that's what they have they one and they went what do you do it was so stupid like i was talking about birth control pill and how they market it and they always say it's to regulate it was a dumb throw away it was a minute thing right and i don't usually i don't talk about my period i know that's a fucking female comic cliche and i know and he he made an audible ugh and i fucking i went bonkers because i had a woman with him and in my head i'm thinking asshole you're with a woman you fuck that woman you put your mouth on her a vagina.

[1901] Babies.

[1902] Come out of that.

[1903] Bigina.

[1904] Why are you so offended at the, just the sheer man?

[1905] Like I said, it wasn't a bit about it.

[1906] I didn't go into it.

[1907] It was a throwaway thing I had said.

[1908] And it immediately, for whatever reason, I wanted to fucking kill that guy.

[1909] Well, because your instincts are correct.

[1910] The guy's a douchebag.

[1911] And what was really going on was that the guy is probably insecure and he probably wanted to impress the girl by being more funny than you or by criticizing you or maybe he came in with really close -minded expectation.

[1912] Like, chicks aren't funny.

[1913] He was fucking chick up there.

[1914] There's a lot of guys to do that.

[1915] You know, I did well.

[1916] Once you got him.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] Everything after that.

[1919] Well, you know what?

[1920] Maybe he had to shut the fuck up because he knew that he was going to get crushed.

[1921] And then he was, oh, my God, I'm getting no pussy now.

[1922] I'm already a loser.

[1923] You know, he probably panicked.

[1924] Oh, I see.

[1925] Probably got a little cocky.

[1926] I see.

[1927] You fucking chest flexed him.

[1928] And he panicked and he went into a goddamn tailspin.

[1929] Yeah, I see.

[1930] But then, like, how do you deal with people?

[1931] Like when they say shit that makes you, like, it just triggers your thing.

[1932] You got to be zen.

[1933] Look, it's all snake poison.

[1934] This is what it is.

[1935] This is what it is.

[1936] I need help, guys.

[1937] When you get bit, when you get burnt by a snake the first time, you get fucked up.

[1938] It's venomous.

[1939] It tears you up.

[1940] You're sick.

[1941] You could die.

[1942] But after those fucking guys that handle snakes all the time, when they get bit, those motherfuckers, they're immune to the shit because they give themselves injections of snake venom.

[1943] They do it on purpose.

[1944] It's like a comic forcing themselves to do a spot at the comedy store Tuesday at 1 o 'clock in the morning.

[1945] You're giving yourself snake venom.

[1946] The only people there are junkies They're fucking wasteoids Or drunk tourists That just wandered in from off the street It's not like it's a comedy connoisseur audience right But that's snake venom You get a little snake venom in you And after a while you become immune to it And then when people yell things out Then you can go, why are you yelling?

[1947] What's going on with you?

[1948] That's actually brilliant Yeah Then you turn it on them And then they become a part of the show My issue with it is then It's a different kind of comedy People enjoy it because they love Off the Cuff shit They love watching hacklers get destroyed.

[1949] People get a kick out of that shit.

[1950] But at the end of the day, it's a different show.

[1951] You're not doing your set anymore.

[1952] What's much better is that you get to do your set unfucked with.

[1953] Yeah, I can do that, man. Look, I do question and answers where I'll do like an hour more, and I'll just let people yell out anything.

[1954] And I talk to the people in the crowd.

[1955] I do that all the time.

[1956] But that's after I've already done my material, man. Don't interrupt.

[1957] That's gross.

[1958] And the only people that do that are idiots.

[1959] You have to be an idiot.

[1960] To yell at a movie theater.

[1961] you have to be an idiot to yell at a comedy show to try to get someone's attention to try to interrupt and inject your own bullshit I always tell them man go to an open mic night it's not that hard you could do it I know you could do I know you're insecure and this is the easy way to do it but really you want attention and you want attention that you don't fucking deserve and instead of going through the proper channels to get this attention what you're doing is trying to usurp it from someone who has achieved it here you are on the stage you've gone through the part of getting hired by the club you've got television credits you're an established stand -up comedian seasoned by the road you're on the stage And this person literally wants to jump into your spot, like, automatically, like, usurp your position.

[1962] They're essentially trying to steal your bike.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] Yeah, that's what he's trying to do.

[1965] But it's so, yeah, I don't agree with the mentality.

[1966] I don't understand that I would never do that.

[1967] Because you're not a cunt.

[1968] I always say only losers do that shit.

[1969] You're not going to take a winner.

[1970] There's no winner in the world.

[1971] No person who's got their shit together in the world who wants to yell out and cause attention to a lot of comedy show.

[1972] That's a sign of immaturity or just a lack of, objective analysis of their own self and the way they own they behave it's total lack of civility i was more mad at myself but i let that guy sidetrack me that's what always happens but it's good for you ultimately it's good for you it is really you learn from that shit because then you're like why that fucking why did that trigger that in me i just wanted to i just wanted to kill him the worst is when they come up to you oh it was helping you out up there oh yeah i'm gonna have been heckled you out with your show huh but i brought you've been heckled a lot right you get heckled don't you no not really i've seen you get heckled do you not remember no it's a lot of weed no i mean not nothing bad like maybe somebody will yell something out but nothing like uh like where they keep on going the whole time you know where it's like a real heckled back and forth how much difference do you find in doing my shows as opposed to doing just random shows on the road your shows are just fun like because they know me and that that completely is awesome because they they already know my sense of humor yeah they already know you're a silly person yeah so they It's already easy for you just to start your comedy.

[1973] It's totally different, right?

[1974] Isn't that cool?

[1975] That's the best when you have your own audience.

[1976] Yeah, I can't wait.

[1977] You guys are going to have it.

[1978] Look, you know, your podcast is fucking hilarious.

[1979] And if folks who haven't heard it, it's your mom's house, and it's on Desquad.

[1980] So if you go to iTunes and if you want to look specifically for theirs, look for the Desquod at Desquod ones that say your mom's house.

[1981] And that's Tom and the lovely Mrs. Segura.

[1982] One of my favorite ones.

[1983] It's a lot of fun to do, man. We really enjoy doing it.

[1984] Yeah.

[1985] Yeah, and we're going to put the Ice House ones, folks, for everybody who's been asking, that is also now going to be on Death Squad.

[1986] So what it's called is the Ice House Chronicles, and we have a full studio set up in Pasadena, and it is fucking dope.

[1987] And Brian has been doing all of his podcasts out of there now.

[1988] That's cool.

[1989] Yeah, it's awesome.

[1990] We're going to do one out of there this Thursday.

[1991] I'm not sure who's going to do it yet, but then we're going to have a show there Thursday night.

[1992] So that should be a lot of fun.

[1993] The Thursday night show is a 10 p .m. show, and it's get tickets from the ice.

[1994] ice house icehouse comedy dot com and get them quick because it will sell out it's only 85 seats we did it last week and it sold out and it was fucking awesome in the crowd it's cool and shit man this podcast fans are awesome this is the greatest smartest thing i've ever done and it totally happened by accident can i ask your fans to come see me yes where are you this week i'm going to be at the comedy mix in the great city of vancouver oh that's a great friday saturday at the comedy mix on Barard Street.

[1995] It's one of my favorites that I play here's down.

[1996] That is, yeah, that is the old yuck yucks.

[1997] It is.

[1998] I've never done that yet.

[1999] It's the shit.

[2000] Oh, it's one of the best set up rooms in the country.

[2001] Or I shouldn't say in the country, because Canada, not just the country.

[2002] North America.

[2003] It's a perfect setup.

[2004] It's low ceilings, tight seating, great place, nice crowd, great owner, nice guy, nice people that work there.

[2005] It's great.

[2006] Tommy and I did it last time we did it.

[2007] We did a theater on Friday.

[2008] What did we do on Friday night?

[2009] Where did we go?

[2010] I forget the name of the theater.

[2011] We did a theater on Friday night and then Saturday night.

[2012] We went.

[2013] No, it's, is it Enmore?

[2014] Is that right?

[2015] I don't remember.

[2016] And then after the fights we went and did the comedy mix.

[2017] It's fucking great.

[2018] What a great little club.

[2019] And I said it used to be Yuck Oaks.

[2020] We did it as Yuck Yikes back in the day, right?

[2021] You and me and who else?

[2022] Who else did it with us?

[2023] Yoshi.

[2024] Who's going to be on the show Thursday night?

[2025] Yeah.

[2026] I did it once.

[2027] We got to do more shows with Yoshi.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] I like Yoshi a lot.

[2030] But he's hilarious.

[2031] He's friends with Asa Akira, this girl that we had on the podcast yesterday.

[2032] By the way, have you guys watched a porn video on your TV recently, like an HD?

[2033] Like, it's completely disgusting.

[2034] Yeah.

[2035] Like, it's, it's not that.

[2036] Well, you're watching that hardcore open up your asshole and punched.

[2037] Well, I haven't watched porn on a TV.

[2038] I don't think.

[2039] I hate sitting inside of us.

[2040] They're doing terrible things to people.

[2041] Yeah.

[2042] It's like the rape simulations.

[2043] There's a lot of spitting in assholes.

[2044] It's just rape.

[2045] You're watching You're watching race You're watching right now This guy was He had like eagle claws Yeah And he was prying apart Her knoll and vagina I don't like I don't like seeing that whole The rectal Eagle claw Eagle claw And I'm also not like I mean I like it watching an aggressively done blowjob Sure Do you?

[2046] But when, well to a certain extent But when it gets into Like vomiting The choking Like stuff that shit I don't like it aggressive at all I don't like Confusing sex with rape I don't I don't mean too violent.

[2047] I don't be violent.

[2048] I am very, very in touch with my chimpanzee instincts.

[2049] And I think there's probably some dark reason why men are so much fucking stronger than women.

[2050] And it probably has a lot to do with nature wanting us to hold you down and fuck the shit out of you.

[2051] Sometimes you, sometimes you fight back and we have to club you.

[2052] So I don't want to ever tap into that fucking primordial pool of behavior.

[2053] I mean the aggressiveness coming from the girl.

[2054] I don't mean like a throat smash.

[2055] Oh, yeah, I know.

[2056] I mean, when the girl, when they get crazy, I don't like, that's fun to watch for a little bit.

[2057] But then when they go like, and they puke.

[2058] Yeah, stomach bile on cock is my two favorite things.

[2059] I'm not, I don't like it that aggressive.

[2060] Can I tell you I don't like either?

[2061] And I love Bella Donna because she's very pro.

[2062] Like I just, I like her energy and I like her as a person.

[2063] I got to meet her at Sam Tripoli's naughty show.

[2064] But when she puts a baseball bat.

[2065] Up her ass.

[2066] And not the thin end, the other end.

[2067] Not the end you hold.

[2068] What the fuck?

[2069] I forget who sent me that.

[2070] I think it might have been Duncan.

[2071] It was a long time ago.

[2072] Someone sent me that video.

[2073] And the heading just said, batter up.

[2074] And so I opened the email.

[2075] You know, it's one of those things where someone just sends you something in the email.

[2076] I opened the email and then it just said, I love people, exclamation point, exclamation point.

[2077] And then this link, and I clicked the link, and this girl has a bat up her ass.

[2078] And just joyfully gleefully.

[2079] Well, I was like, well, fuck, man. Someone finally did the last thing that there is to do.

[2080] And then I thought about it.

[2081] I'm like, wow, I wonder how long it took to do this.

[2082] And then I said, well, how many people have done this?

[2083] So then I googled baseball bat up the ass.

[2084] And there's like fucking 28 ,000, 284 million fucking, I mean, who knows how many goddamn results they were?

[2085] But it was ridiculous.

[2086] It's like, there's a whole genre of porn where girls stick baseball bats up each other's asses now.

[2087] She didn't do it first.

[2088] They can't help but take it to the darkest level possible.

[2089] Didn't you say that Homegirl had double, did double anal, double vaginal?

[2090] Yeah.

[2091] We were joking in the interview.

[2092] I said something about double vaginal, double anal.

[2093] Which is Trey Parker in Matt Stone's band That's why I always say it as a joke I didn't think people actually did it And she goes, oh yeah I acted in the video Were really like the center point Of a kaleidoscope of male bodies There's just male bodies And then two cocks in her vagina Two in each one in each hole How do you do that physically?

[2094] Huh?

[2095] How do you physically stand?

[2096] How does everybody find a good spot to stand?

[2097] Four Asians?

[2098] That's not even good.

[2099] They'd have to be like They would have to be like Cirque de Sole leg dancers This video that she's in note like this really got to move around like every time who we're talking about Belladonna Asa Akira Oh I'm sorry I still on Bel -Dar Every video she went to Or every person she went to It just got bigger and bigger She was fucking this black dude Where his dick Seriously was about the size From my kneecap to my foot Like and thick That thick And she's just fucking in the ass With that Like it just slips right in And it's an HB And it's fucking I put it on 3D And it didn't help anything Wait but that's what bothers me Is that they hurry in the anal.

[2100] Like, I'm very timid.

[2101] They get busy with it.

[2102] Yeah, it's like, are you ready?

[2103] Bain!

[2104] Like, there's no, there's no gentle.

[2105] Are you ready?

[2106] Yeah, there's no, like, just a gentle one finger.

[2107] Well, you know what it is?

[2108] Because, you know, obviously there's some editing, some professional editing.

[2109] What they're giving you is only the most extreme aspect of the fantasy.

[2110] A lot of it involves men abusing the women.

[2111] Yeah, this guy was dragging her from one part of the house to the other part of house by her hair.

[2112] So he would, like, choke her all his stomach bile or foam and stuff.

[2113] stuff like that.

[2114] Then he would just drag her across into the other room by her hair and throw her on the ground and then shove his hand in her pussy so hard.

[2115] It was just juicing everywhere.

[2116] And he would smack her.

[2117] And then she bit him in the hand at one point.

[2118] And he drew blood.

[2119] And he's like, look what you did to me. Take this.

[2120] And then he just put his big cock in her ass.

[2121] It's crazy.

[2122] I heard somewhere that the incidents of rape has gone down with this type of porn being available.

[2123] Well, that's the Japanese philosophy.

[2124] Is that, I don't know if it's true, I don't know if it's found it.

[2125] Makes sense.

[2126] Look, I think sexual suppression is responsible.

[2127] And then also the lack of expression is responsible for a lot of things that people do where they act out, do something fucked up.

[2128] But then how many people are going to be inspired by these videos to actually do it to get the ultimate thrill and do it in real life?

[2129] I don't know.

[2130] I don't know.

[2131] Do you guys ever switch it up in the bedroom?

[2132] Like Tom dresses up as the woman and you dress up as the guy?

[2133] Hey, no big deal?

[2134] Whatever, whatever, whatever.

[2135] Tom has the shoes with the heels I put it up whatever Could you see Tom as a woman I put on her onesie I put on her onesie and I go Hey Tom Let me ask you this Tom Because you're a sports fan Yeah You're a big sports fan What do you think about the whole Oscar Deloio Getting caught wearing women's clothes Where he just No it just really admitted it He caught a long time ago He got caught a while He said it was all Photoshop nonsense Yeah But he recently admitted it Because he said it's been haunting him Yeah And apparently like this other girl Just came out Another girl just came out And did an interview And said that this was like he would do He would corner everybody and wouldn't let the girls leave to intimidate them and be like wearing girls' clothes and hanging out with them and talking like a girl.

[2136] I think, I mean, I totally buy it and I mean, I think it's quirky but I think, you know, when you hear like a story about somebody and your brain always does the assessment of like, could I see this person doing that?

[2137] When I heard that initially about Oscar De Hoia, I was like, you get over to like the what?

[2138] What's the story?

[2139] And then I was like, oh, I could see that.

[2140] I could tell.

[2141] I could see that.

[2142] Do you think it's a game thing?

[2143] Like if you said like Bernard Hopkins did it, I'd be like, nah.

[2144] No, Jay Edgar Hoover was a cross -stress.

[2145] He was gay.

[2146] It's cross -dressing.

[2147] Jay of your who was gay?

[2148] Was he?

[2149] Yeah, yeah.

[2150] Well, my understanding of cross -dressing is that it is not necessarily related homosexuality.

[2151] That doesn't make any sense to me. Seems pretty queer from where I'm sitting.

[2152] It might be a different flavor of queer.

[2153] It might not be your standard genetic.

[2154] I was born gay, queer, but it's still queer.

[2155] I think it leads to accept it to it.

[2156] Yeah, there's something on.

[2157] And I respect him.

[2158] And by the way, I have zero problem with any kink that you have.

[2159] Right.

[2160] If you want to wear, I'm not criticizing him in any way.

[2161] I don't want to get confused.

[2162] I respect that guy.

[2163] I think he was a great fighter and an interesting guy and a very brilliant businessman and if you want to wear dresses, I think he should wear dresses.

[2164] I don't give him a fuck, you know.

[2165] Yeah, but I think it's just weird.

[2166] Is that what it is?

[2167] It's pretty.

[2168] It's just fun.

[2169] He is just fun.

[2170] Guys like him.

[2171] I think he, I like him.

[2172] I think he's from L .A. I think if he were to, I don't know if he's from here.

[2173] Oscar?

[2174] Yeah, yeah.

[2175] If he, uh, if he were to promote fights in a dress.

[2176] That would be.

[2177] I got very excited.

[2178] Well, there's a Japanese guy.

[2179] I would go watch.

[2180] I would go watch.

[2181] I forget the guy's name.

[2182] I'll look it up real quick because I don't want to end this on a bad note.

[2183] Good for him.

[2184] There's a Japanese kickboxer that's a cross -dresser.

[2185] All right, man. Is he out about it?

[2186] Oh, yeah.

[2187] He comes into the, well, he comes, it's part of his walk -in entrance.

[2188] He comes in.

[2189] Right.

[2190] He comes into the ring with the fucking wig on and pig tails and dressed up like a schoolgirl.

[2191] Oh, good for him.

[2192] And it beats the fuck out of people.

[2193] I mean, he's a badass kickboxer.

[2194] Well, it's okay.

[2195] If I wear a pants and a tuxie -o.

[2196] Yeah, it's different.

[2197] Guys, we don't really.

[2198] you know well why is it considered it's not considered cross -dressing if I dress like a dude there's not I don't think guys that aren't that most straight men don't have any desire to wear a dress no I completely understand a quilt let your balls loose a little bit that's about as far as it goes right yeah I mean there's more utility in me wearing pants yeah than guys wearing I've ever worn a girl's thong before no it's really pointless why did you wear a girl's song I don't even wear a girl's song I spent the night at my girlfriend's house recently and I didn't have any underwear You put on her thaw?

[2199] And I took, do you have any underwear?

[2200] She's like, I only have thongs.

[2201] And I'm like, so I tried it.

[2202] It was pretty much pointless.

[2203] Like, why do you even bother?

[2204] What can I tell you how unsanitary they are?

[2205] You tried it?

[2206] Because you're like, I need underwear.

[2207] Right.

[2208] It's stupid.

[2209] Well, it puts your asshole bacteria on your vagina.

[2210] Yeah.

[2211] Yeah, you got a yeast infection that way.

[2212] It's terrible for you.

[2213] Yeah.

[2214] You got to get some full back cotton breathers.

[2215] Like mommy wear.

[2216] Did you know that you were not supposed to move your dick from the ass up put the dick to the Yeah.

[2217] You didn't know?

[2218] I didn't know for a while.

[2219] How did you not know?

[2220] how the fuck do you not know it's stuffing shit into ass sex much I guess not bad but you know little girls little young girls oftentimes get sick because they wipe their ass incorrectly because they wipe their ass into their vagina you gotta teach them to wipe their ass the wrong way they can get like septic it's fucking dangerous man it's like you can get really sick like real bad and that's how sick can get from going but hole to vagina yeah I never really had to deal with that I guess until recently you get shit on your balls he's in your mouth huh do you get shit on your balls how do you wipe how are you wiping standing up with one leg on the man about which direction are you wiping are you wiping front to back yeah he likes his balls with shitty sort of or whichever side hurts less to the other side last what do you mean he abuses his asshole yeah oh dear ate a lot of meat he uses plugs a lot while we're searching also David tells my brother I've been using paper towels a lot to wipe oh you do not flush that shit that would destroy your whole entire plumbing Nagashima that's the dude Dude, his name is Nagashima.

[2221] Nagashima is the Japanese gentleman who dresses up like a girl.

[2222] And even in his, look at this, check this out.

[2223] What is he?

[2224] Take a look at this.

[2225] Yeah, he's a badass.

[2226] He knocked out Shinyaoki.

[2227] He's one of the best MMA guys in the world.

[2228] This is him with a wig on, dressed like a girl.

[2229] What kind of wig does he like?

[2230] This one's a blonde one.

[2231] He wears different ones all the time.

[2232] Who doesn't want to be a blonde?

[2233] Ushihiro Nagashima.

[2234] That's bad one boy's name.

[2235] Oh, dude.

[2236] He destroyed Shinyao.

[2237] Does he enter the ring like that?

[2238] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2239] So he's, look at his another one of him.

[2240] Look at this.

[2241] This one, he's got a blue wig on.

[2242] He's dressed like a girl.

[2243] I love the Japanese.

[2244] So do I. Yeah, and he beats the fuck out of people.

[2245] So do you think, I mean, in your opinion, is that like he's gay, this is like I'm taking my gay rage to the ring?

[2246] No, I mean, I don't know.

[2247] Look, for sure there's been some gay fighters, but the, no one's ever come out.

[2248] And he's not open?

[2249] No, no, he might not be gay.

[2250] It might just be just for fun.

[2251] Gay, gay boxers, you mean?

[2252] Or MMA fighters?

[2253] Well, I'm gay boxers as well.

[2254] Amill Griffith is a famous middleweight champion, and there's a guy who taunted him, and the guy wound up dying.

[2255] Bernie Perrette, I think the guy's name was Bernie Perrette.

[2256] I forget the guy's name.

[2257] But he killed him in a fight, I believe it was in New York in a boxing match.

[2258] The guy had taunted him for being gay.

[2259] Yeah, there's, you know, there's, you don't want to taunt gay bosses.

[2260] Yeah, I'd beat the shit out of him, too.

[2261] That's not smart.

[2262] Somebody told me about a show in New York.

[2263] I forget at what club where one of the comics was making, like, I don't know, gay jokes, but like doing just like, you know, like gay slurs and I don't know what he was saying.

[2264] And there was a big, like, jacked up dude in the audience who just came on stage and just punched him like twice, knocked it out.

[2265] There you go.

[2266] Yeah, Jesus Christ.

[2267] Can I tell you the good thing about comics is that we don't become serial killers or pedophiles?

[2268] I mean, I'm sure some rapists.

[2269] That was the one guy was the cruise liner guy who would go to colleges and shit and rape girls.

[2270] And asked him to pray for him He was raped him and asked him to pray for him Oh my God Yeah, Emil Griffith was widely known as being a gay man And he had a fight with this guy Benny Paray in 1962 for the Welterweight Championship And the guy had taunted him about being gay And he beat him to death Jesus He beat that fucking guy to death Jesus But other than that There's few and far between People have been recognized as being gay We tell the story on the podcast about this one guy Who got caught in an MMA promotion.

[2271] Well, there isn't another guy who is an out guy who fights in MMA fights.

[2272] I forget his name right now.

[2273] It escapes me. Shane, Shane Smith, I think.

[2274] But he's out.

[2275] Like, they've done stories about him in the New York Times and Shad Smith.

[2276] That's his name.

[2277] And this other guy, they caught him because they researched his name and they found out that another guy with the same name had done a bunch of gay porn.

[2278] And then he just vanished.

[2279] He just disappeared and stopped fighting.

[2280] But other than that, no one has ever come out.

[2281] Would that be a big deal?

[2282] I mean, and, you know, 20 %?

[2283] For a lot of people.

[2284] Sure.

[2285] Do they tap in?

[2286] Yeah, yeah, for a lot of people, it would be a big deal.

[2287] Do they tap in?

[2288] What does that mean?

[2289] Instead of tapping out.

[2290] Oh, Brian, you silly goose.

[2291] And with that note, oh, I want to say thank you to Lorenzo from the Psychedelic Salon podcast.

[2292] I listen to a couple podcasts.

[2293] I listen to the Desquad.

[2294] I listen to, you know, a bunch of different ones like Kevin Smith and Mark Maren and Adam Coroll when I get a chance.

[2295] But really, I've been listening.

[2296] to your mom's house and the naughty show and all these different ones.

[2297] But really I've been listening to the psychedelic salon a lot lately.

[2298] So I want to thank this guy Lorenzo for putting that out.

[2299] And you could, you could subscribe to that as well.

[2300] It's all free.

[2301] I think it's on iTunes.

[2302] I'm pretty sure it is.

[2303] But it's, you can find it.

[2304] Go look for it.

[2305] Google it.

[2306] Psychedelic salon.

[2307] It's the shit.

[2308] And what it really is is a lot of really interesting talks, you know, with a lot of Terrence McKenna stuff.

[2309] And I listened to this really crazy Timothy Leary talk the other day.

[2310] Really interesting, interesting shit.

[2311] um thank you to what you can i tell you yeah can i tell you fans uh after vancouver this weekend uh december first through the fourth i'll be in calgary at the laugh shop which is another great club and december 15th through 18th i'm really looking forward to the laughing skull in atlanta which is really fun yeah do that one oh that's right so and then christina i will both be for new years in uh seattle at parlor live yeah and december 14 through 17th Crackers Comedy Club in Indianapolis, downtown baby.

[2312] How often do you guys work together?

[2313] Seldom.

[2314] You should hook it up.

[2315] We tried to.

[2316] But it's so corny the marketing.

[2317] I don't know how to do it yet.

[2318] You don't have to do it corny.

[2319] You're both funny.

[2320] You're both funny.

[2321] If I didn't think you were both funny, I would never say that you were both funny on the air.

[2322] I really do.

[2323] You guys are both hilarious.

[2324] We'd be awesome together.

[2325] It is fun.

[2326] It is fun.

[2327] It's fun.

[2328] We do it.

[2329] New Year's a black.

[2330] Do it.

[2331] You should market yourself.

[2332] It would make your marriage a lot easier.

[2333] You don't have to.

[2334] That's true.

[2335] you can kiss each other you can fucking bang right before you go on stage you can just shoot one in there and just go right up on stage send her up on stage dripping how about that oh how about that you put a baseball bat in my ass yeah you should launch her onto the stage with your car you know what I could do that's a really good idea and that's our hook I could put DMT and vodka on the tip of my dick and then you go up super high wow you guys thank you to the flesh for having us in a free society we would have a fleshlight with DMT and vodka at the end of it.

[2336] But no, and this dirty little prison that we live in where you're confined.

[2337] You can't do what you really want to do.

[2338] Fucking government's holding me back.

[2339] Goddammit.

[2340] Thank you to the flashlight.

[2341] Go to jo -rogan .com.

[2342] Click on the link.

[2343] Entering the code name Rogan.

[2344] Get it in the mail.

[2345] Open it up.

[2346] Loob it up.

[2347] And get your freak on.

[2348] Okay?

[2349] Holl at your boy.

[2350] Thanks, dude.

[2351] Entering your name and you get 15 % off.

[2352] And thank you to Onet .com.

[2353] Try out AlphaBrain and try out new mood.

[2354] New mood's the newest one.

[2355] And I'm fucking.

[2356] loving it.

[2357] And there's another one called ShroomTech, which is for very athletic people that's based on the cordyceps mushroom.

[2358] That's an endurance enhancer that I've been enjoying as well.

[2359] Onet .com, O -N -N -N -I -T.

[2360] And if you go to Joe Rogan.

[2361] Click on the Alphabrain link.

[2362] Entering the codename Rogan.

[2363] You will save yourself 10%.

[2364] Oh, geez Louise.

[2365] Who's looking out for you?

[2366] We are, bitches.

[2367] Because you know we love you.

[2368] Thank you to Tom Sigora.

[2369] Please follow him on Twitter.

[2370] It's Tom S -E -G -U -R -A.

[2371] And follow Christina Sigura.

[2372] even though she goes by this fucking P at the end of her name with some bunch of fucking random vowels and consonants jammed up together and some strange soup of words that no one can...

[2373] I bet you can't even spell your name.

[2374] Can you spell your name?

[2375] How often you spell your name wrong?

[2376] Never.

[2377] Never.

[2378] Never ever.

[2379] Come on, son.

[2380] How dare you.

[2381] At Christina Pee.

[2382] And we'll be back.

[2383] Doug Benson's doing it tomorrow with Doug Benson tomorrow at 3 p .m. And then again, we will have a podcast.

[2384] and we will have a show at the Ice House on Thursday night so there'll be the same thing podcast while the show is going on we're going to podcast before the show goes on 8 o 'clock 8 o 'clock we're going to start the podcast and it's just it's a party okay folks it's a fucking party and you're invited but you don't get to talk I'm sorry you can't talk to I'm sorry you can't talk too but I'm happy that you're enjoying it and we love you guys and we'll talk to you soon later