#660 - Jim Florentine

[0] Yeha, we're fucking live.

[1] I was just about to take a sip of coffee.

[2] This shit is way more important.

[3] We're here with Jim Florentine, hilarious stand -up comedian, and transracial pioneer.

[4] You were doing that.

[5] You were pushing the transracial movement like about two, three decades ago, right?

[6] I was.

[7] You know, and we're living with Jim Norton.

[8] I've seen a lot.

[9] That video, there's a video of you guys.

[10] Was it you two living together where you had the fucking black mold?

[11] Yeah.

[12] Oh, my God.

[13] When you move the picture and you see the mold on the wall, People fucking die from that shit.

[14] Like the amount of mold you guys had?

[15] I know.

[16] I had it in my bedroom and I would just, I put tinfoil on the walls to cover it.

[17] Around by the bed, it was all the way up coming up, climbing up the walls.

[18] I just put tinful of them.

[19] It should be fine.

[20] That is so fucking crazy.

[21] Who made that video?

[22] It was somebody from O &A show came over and did the cribs.

[23] God.

[24] Like, people get really sick from that shit, right?

[25] I know.

[26] I don't understand how we didn't get sick because we had it for like a year.

[27] We're paying $800 for three, a three bedroom right outside of New York City and the Jersey side and splitting it three ways I had a girlfriend who lived in me at the time too so we're paying like 266 a month wow that's pretty sweet and we weren't making any money so we figured we'll move right next to New York City and here's a video it's going on behind you did you get tested to see if you had anything from living there?

[28] No fuck no Tom Likis had to evacuate his whole house Tom Likas they had to tear his walls down they have to like I guess they treat the mold to kill it They've got to tear all your walls down, and they've got to do these, like, tests of the air to make sure there's not spores that are flying around the air.

[29] I mean, it's a real infestation.

[30] It's fucked.

[31] I know.

[32] We didn't even, like, ah, mold.

[33] We didn't even look it up to find out if it was toxic.

[34] It's, uh, I'm pretty sure it's not good.

[35] Like, this is sick.

[36] It's like, it's dripping down the side of this painting.

[37] Oh, my God.

[38] Oh, my God.

[39] We went to a garage sale around the corner to buy more paintings just to cover up the mold.

[40] That's what we would do Dude, that cannot be Oh, it's super bad for you It's absolutely super bad You know what else?

[41] There's my damn merino Jersey hanging up But you gotta think that Just the sheer air That's in that It's got to be filled with spores and shit, right?

[42] And I think that's very, very poisonous Like you probably have some kind of fucked up shit from that No, I bet he's fine now You don't?

[43] But I bet back then you were probably suffering from just a lot of stress on your lungs.

[44] Yeah.

[45] What am I, a doctor?

[46] Was your voice before a really high pitch?

[47] Was it like, hi, guys?

[48] No, it's always been like this.

[49] Jim's always had that voice.

[50] That didn't work.

[51] But when you're fucking young and poor and you're a comic, that is the way to go.

[52] $266 a month, we're paying.

[53] The lower your bills are, like for comics, it's like the whole thing in the beginning is you've got to get through the spot where you don't make any money, figure out how to do it, and then start making money, start getting road gigs, and start but that area where you just like it's so important to fucking save as much money as possible yeah we were you know we were living like an hour south at a city in jersey me in north and we figured we needed to get close because we're going in there like four or five nights a week trying to get into clubs i moved in with it i didn't even like this girl i just wanted to pay a third at a rent i really didn't even like it that much i'm like look we can cut this in threes that's hilarious look at jim all fresh -faced like a little lad like a little boy oh your bathroom sweet merciful christ i had a shithole of an apartment in new rochelle oh it's actually could have been a lot worse there's like just mostly families and shit yeah in the neighborhood but that was the same thing as the cheapest place that i could get with that had a place to park because i had to do a lot of road gigs i did city gigs like in in new york city but at a certain point in time i was like fuck man these sits are only like 10 15 minutes long you got to travel all over to do them they don't pay any money i could just go to connecticut and make 150 bucks tonight you know i could go to long island and make 150 bucks i think that's real money i think that's when i first met you is uh bob levy and his wife had all these like gigs these one -nighters that paid like 150 bucks 200 his wife was hot oh my god good lord was insane she was one of those like what happened their relationships first of all bob is hilarious chicks love like a dude like he's so funny like if you ever hung around with bob levy you know bob levy at all yeah but i haven't hung out He's fucking hilarious.

[54] That dude's hilarious.

[55] He was at, I watched Artie Lang headline in Vegas once at the Luxor.

[56] It was me and Joey and Eddie Bravo went because we were there for the UFC.

[57] And he went up and he was doing some shit where he was having girls eat his asshole.

[58] Yeah.

[59] They put blue cheese on his ass and he was describing why he couldn't do that anymore because of lawsuits or whatever.

[60] But he would put blue cheese on girls' asses.

[61] eat it on stage.

[62] Right on stage, right out of her ass.

[63] I'd probably do that.

[64] Maybe you would do it, but I don't know.

[65] He was a famous comedian.

[66] I mean, Bob Levy's like a nationally known comedian, and he's doing that.

[67] Are these girls from the audience?

[68] Yes.

[69] Guy would go to his wife, go up there.

[70] Come on, let him eat blue cheese out of your ass.

[71] What's the big deal?

[72] I'm like, that's unbelievable.

[73] It's so crazy.

[74] It's so crazy.

[75] But he's just a funny fuck.

[76] Like, people were heckling him and he was just torturing him.

[77] Bob's been around forever.

[78] He's an old brother.

[79] He's one of the best nightclub comics out there.

[80] Old pro.

[81] Just kills every time.

[82] He knows how to do it.

[83] He's just a funny guy.

[84] He's just been around.

[85] He's a good dude, too.

[86] But God damn, did he have a hot wife?

[87] Unbelievable.

[88] She's still hot.

[89] She came to my show like I saw about a year ago.

[90] Still hot.

[91] Crushing.

[92] It was insane how hot she was.

[93] Like, Bob, you don't deserve that.

[94] How does that happen?

[95] If she lived in California, it would kind of make sense if Bob was on a sitcom, if Bob was on a sitcom, and she lived in California.

[96] Like, girls like her, I think are more common in California.

[97] But in Jersey, she's fucking.

[98] Christ.

[99] They didn't even have a number for that.

[100] She wasn't even a 10.

[101] You had to like, you got to go, like, it's like a 10 plus.

[102] Executive Class 10.

[103] She hung in there for like three years and then she She couldn't take it anymore.

[104] They were booking gigs.

[105] I did a bunch of their gigs.

[106] Yeah, that's when I originally met you because he'd do a bunch of one -nighters.

[107] Such a good dude.

[108] Yeah.

[109] Always been a good dude.

[110] Funny, crazy fuck.

[111] But, yeah, he would But, you know, when he's had to stop being blue cheese at a girl's asses because he was going through a divorce and his ex -y -y -y -law.

[112] wife to second wife lawyers were using the footage on youtube against him in court so you had to tell the audience look i got to stop eating blue cheese and they would boo he goes look there's shit's on youtube i'm trying to get custody of my son oh my god it's just like specific dressing what about thousand island no blue cheese and nothing like look this girl is there he puts blue cheese on her ass and he eats it on stage what a lucky guy oh he's a savage and he holds on too he doesn't let go like he'll hold them and they're trying to run away and he's he's a fucking savage yeah he's a savage he's you look at that girl's asshole jesus christ wow blue cheese in wildwood i mean it's kind of like a cultural legend thing you know like when when and i'm by the way when i first heard that he was doing it wasn't even remotely surprised i was like oh i believe he's doing that all right that makes sense it's fucking crazy they tell like if somebody told me that But Greg Fitzsimmons started eating blue cheese out of girls' asses.

[113] I'd be like, whoa, what the fuck happened to Greg?

[114] Well, Greg went south.

[115] He went crazy.

[116] Greg's gone crazy.

[117] But when I heard it was Bob Levy, it was, like, totally acceptable.

[118] Like, if you know him, like, something like that's completely acceptable.

[119] Like, oh, yeah, that's probably what he does.

[120] The first time he did it, we just got canceled.

[121] We were just hanging out like a holiday in in the room where the comedy was supposed to be.

[122] And some girl was there, and we were drinking with her.

[123] And somehow we got it to go, hey, we'll must it up like 30.

[124] $37 if he can eat blue cheese out of your ass because we're eating wings.

[125] And Bob said, I want to eat this blue cheese out of your ass.

[126] And I go, how much would you do it?

[127] She goes, I don't know.

[128] And I got 37.

[129] She goes, okay, fine.

[130] And he ate blue cheese just in front of like four people.

[131] And he was like, I got to close with that.

[132] I go, I don't know.

[133] Oh, my.

[134] I got to work between us friends.

[135] I don't know if that's going to work on stage.

[136] Oh, my God.

[137] I got a close with that.

[138] What kind of a fucking animal?

[139] What kind of a fucking animal?

[140] What kind of a fucking animal?

[141] and we'll offer the girl $37 to eat blue cheese out of her ass and then after he says it says I gotta close with that I'm fucking crying oh my God I'm fucking crying those are the beautiful people that you meet in stand -up comedy you know you only meet those people in stand -up comedy you just don't they don't exist in other professions or like extreme Elvis I've met that guy a few times Oh he's crazy This show is amazing I don't think he does that anymore Yeah I don't think he does either It was a fucking amazing show Extreme Elvis is this guy's an Elvis impersonator And he takes his clothes off and he pisses in this girl's mouth It's fucking crazy He gets totally naked, yeah And they're really good musicians Like Penn Gillette Did Penn Gillette tell them about me?

[142] I don't know who told who about them But he and I talked and he wound up hiring the guy To do like a party at his house And Penn's like strict like no drugs No this, no that So you had to do it sober Because Extreme Elvis would do all shows completely fucked up like drink a gallon of fucking whiskey on states that's him right there holy shit yeah dude I mean you ain't seen nothing yet so weird there was a whole blog about it I wrote a whole blog about it a long time ago like way back in 2003 because it was amazing this show was amazing he had he goes who won't drink the King's piss the girl next to him goes I do I do he just pisses in her mouth she's lying there she's topless she's hot by the way and she's talented and she can play you know i forget what she did whether she sang or she played guitar i forget one instrument but i remember overall was a very good show they're very talented on top of the fact it was insane he's pissing in this girl's mouth and some guy like in from the audience like someone or was a girl some girl tried to stick a like a beer bottle up his ass because he was totally naked so some girl comes up behind him and start to start sticking this beer bottle up his ass and he grabs her hand and starts putting it the right in the right hole and then she panics and she runs away like he was helping her shove this beer bottle up his ass holy shit like he's like yeah come here you want to do that good and she's like fuck this and the girl just leaves it was a fucking crazy show you see what jamie just put up it was a pool queue uh i'm not surprised i don't well i'm also not surprised that he doesn't do it anymore if he was doing these kind of things on a regular basis because that's fucking dangerous for your asshole.

[143] You can't just have random strangers stick stuff up your ass.

[144] They won't be so kind.

[145] Yeah.

[146] That sounds like G .G. Allen.

[147] He would just take a shit on stage.

[148] He would just throwing at the audience before the first song.

[149] I'm telling you, though, this dude is really good.

[150] Like, as a musician, he was really fucking good.

[151] That was the craziest thing about the show.

[152] It was not just that it was this freak show.

[153] He was doing the freak show thing, but he's a fucking talented musician.

[154] Like, he does a wicked Elvis.

[155] Like, he's doing suspicious minds, and the whole audience was singing along, We're caught in a trout.

[156] I can't walk out.

[157] Like, the whole crowd was going, Because I love you too.

[158] And these guys just got his dick out, okay?

[159] He's fucking naked on stage.

[160] He's just pissed in a girl's mouth, and they're singing suspicious minds.

[161] I mean, it's a fucking show.

[162] Now, the girl that he pissed in her mouth.

[163] Is she in a band?

[164] Yes.

[165] And she's good.

[166] I forget what she did.

[167] Fuck, I wish I could remember.

[168] Because it was like 12 years ago.

[169] We saw it in like 2003 So every night he would piss in her mouth Oh my bad I don't know how many times they did shows But I talked to him briefly He was telling me all these different times He's been arrested Different times they wouldn't give his money Because a lot of times the clubs They don't know what the fuck he's gonna do And this guy's get his dick out He's pissing girls' mouths and shit I don't think they understand the show I just really don't think they understand What they're signing up for So these like rock venues would have him come in there And then they get fucking mad at them They want to beat him up And didn't pay him at the end of the night Yeah Oh shit I gotta find out if this guy still around I won't see this show I hope he is I hope he takes better care of himself Like you can't You can't just drink a bottle of whiskey every night And do this It's just I can't imagine How he could do this show all the time This is a fucking super dangerous show For your body I know he's got a bunch of chickens Picking He's lying down there tied up And they put grain all over his cock and he's got a bunch of chickens that they put on top of the sheet and they're pecking at the grain it's right over his dick This is so fucking bizarre Who's that guy over there?

[170] Exactly, exactly Who's that guy?

[171] Holy shit He's out of his mind That's like Ari Shakir Last time I saw him It was I was going into the Paul Prevenza Green Room show Did you ever do that show?

[172] No, I know he talked about But I didn't get a chance To ask him Well then how he's doing it again Fuck that guy was good though.

[173] Here's at the comedy store probably like two years ago.

[174] See if he could get any of him singing.

[175] What's that?

[176] I thought he was.

[177] Well, see if you can find one where there's actual singing because the crazy thing is that he's really fucking, really talented.

[178] It was a great show though.

[179] There's very few shows where you go, fuck yeah.

[180] You get out of there and you go, I just guess I saw the king piss in his chick's mouth and then have the whole audience sing along to a song.

[181] It was awesome.

[182] That's great.

[183] Is there anything like that right now that's that's big that's that's that's it's hard to do something like that it's because you know this was 2003 so the internet was around it wasn't around like it's around now it's not the same thing like you would go to jail you you're not allowed to do that you can't just pull your dick out insurance and everything yeah everything yeah no one's going to take a chance anymore by the way what the fuck is wrong with the world where a guy can't pissing a girl's mouth on stage like that you can't prove to me that that's not art because it is art okay if you can make a show that's that fucked up.

[184] You've got a guy who's Elvis.

[185] He sings really good.

[186] He's got a fucking talented band with him.

[187] Oh, one of his band members, she takes off her clothes, her tits are out, and he pisses in her mouth.

[188] And his dick's about that big.

[189] The whole thing is ridiculous.

[190] It is a goddamn ridiculous show.

[191] And pissing in her mouth make the show better, like as an artistic piece.

[192] Absolutely.

[193] For real, because it was just more surreal and more fucked up.

[194] But how is that illegal?

[195] communists Jim Florentine I don't understand that he'd have to do like backyard shows at this point is this him singing what year is this 2010 is that what it's had it is that what it's had it well there was a lot of this at the shows too a lot of fucking screaming people couldn't believe what is he doing I used to have an extreme Elvis T -shirt.

[196] Fuck, I think I lost it somewhere.

[197] I think I left it in a hotel room somewhere.

[198] Don't you hate that?

[199] Fuck, I hate that.

[200] Ex -girlfriend's taking your shirts, hotel rooms.

[201] Is it Elvis, baby?

[202] I think this, he's doing that song, Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath.

[203] Elvis doing Ozzy.

[204] It's beautiful.

[205] Well, I think the folks at home get the point.

[206] But go check them out.

[207] There's one band, Gwar.

[208] They're kind of around anymore.

[209] A lead singer died about a year ago.

[210] They got a great stage show.

[211] Was it like that?

[212] They just shoot jizz on the crowd and stuff like that.

[213] Yeah.

[214] Yeah, there was a lot of special effects, like things coming out of chest and stuff.

[215] There was a girl in the band, she gave birth to a baby.

[216] And the baby came out and they put it right in the woodchipper.

[217] And the blood run all over the audience.

[218] I was like 22 years old.

[219] I'm like, that's the greatest thing that I've ever seen in my life.

[220] I wish, that's one thing I wish I got to see it.

[221] I never got to see a Gwark concert.

[222] Oh my God.

[223] They threw a fake baby in a woodchering.

[224] Came right out of her, gave birth and put her right in the woodchipper.

[225] I think they're still doing shows with the Mulder members and stuff, but the gray band always went to see them live.

[226] Oh, my God.

[227] How did they not go to jail for that?

[228] How did they not get, like, there was some protests, some family advocacy group or anything?

[229] I mean, I would think that someone would protest you put a fake baby in a woodshipper as a part of your act.

[230] They would do whatever president, they would cut his head off.

[231] That was whoever was president at the time, they cut his head off on stage.

[232] You can't still do that, though, can you?

[233] Yeah, they still, they were doing it up.

[234] I saw him two years ago.

[235] good I were doing it Obama.

[236] Really?

[237] Jesus Christ.

[238] I would think that the Secret Service would come get you if you did some shit like that.

[239] Yeah, that's why.

[240] Isn't there like rules?

[241] I thought you weren't even allowed to say, like, I want to kill the president.

[242] Hey, that was going to take that as a fucking sound buddy, dude.

[243] They didn't let me finish of jamba juice, you know, or something like that.

[244] That's why I would always say something at the end.

[245] Don't say that, man. Why know George Bush Day did it for Bush.

[246] Oh, my God.

[247] Circuit City.

[248] Look at this.

[249] Look at the outfit this fucking guys got on.

[250] Does he have a fake dick?

[251] Is that what I saw?

[252] Yeah, he's got a giant fake dick He's gonna fuck him It's a fist Oh, what is his dick?

[253] What is his dick?

[254] Oh my God Yeah, see the blood just squirts right in the crowd Off and squirts on the crowd Oh my God This is so ridiculous It's kind of like for, you know Something for kids When you go to like Disneyland Or Universal Studios Like one of those shows But for adults Do you think they know about this?

[255] Oh yeah I'm sure to do Because they were doing President Bush When he was in office So whoever, whatever president is, so.

[256] She seems like he could go to jail for this.

[257] Doesn't it?

[258] It kind of falls into cheesy horror movie kind of category.

[259] Well, for sure.

[260] But, I mean, it brings up an interesting conversation about making fun of things and what you shouldn't, shouldn't be able to make fun of.

[261] Because that Charlie Hebdo thing that happened, you know, that's, you know, you don't know what that is?

[262] Uh -uh.

[263] In France, the people that ran this magazine, they had this magazine that did a lot of satire drawings.

[264] Muhammad and these dudes showed up and and fucking gun them all down killed everybody right and they killed the dudes they had a manhunt for them these two radical Muslim dudes but um that was just you know drawing drawing pictures which everybody's like well that's fucked up you can't do that you just can't do you can't kill people for drawing a picture but we do have certain things you're not allowed to do like you literally can't say I want to kill Mr. President.

[265] You can't say that.

[266] He couldn't say his name.

[267] If you said that, if you said, I want to kill that guy or I want to kill the president.

[268] Like, that's illegal.

[269] Like, they could literally lock you up for that, which is weird.

[270] Because, like, you know, that's kind of a figure of speech.

[271] You know, like, people say that all the time.

[272] Oh, I want to kill that guy.

[273] I fucking hate him.

[274] I mean, like, if there's a guy in a movie that sucks, like, he's like, you don't like him as an actor, you might say, oh, I'm going to kill that fucking guy.

[275] You don't mean it.

[276] But is that illegal?

[277] Like, if you say that, like, the president has some stupid thing that he vetoes or something that people don't agree with.

[278] If you said that, it's a common figure of speech.

[279] But you said that, and he did it publicly.

[280] They could fucking take you in.

[281] You had a secret service out of your house the next day.

[282] Ted Nugent said something a couple years ago about Obama and not say, I want to kill him, but he said something.

[283] I forget what the quote was in the Secret Service was at his house the next day.

[284] I think he was saying something to the, like if Obama gets arrested, he might want.

[285] wind up in jail.

[286] Yeah, we're all going to be dead and in jail or something like that.

[287] So it wasn't even direct at the president.

[288] I think he was saying that, like, he might wind up in jail, that Nugent might wind up in jail.

[289] Something like that, yeah.

[290] Implying, you know, it could be seen as implying that he would do something because he, but it's weird.

[291] You know, Ted Nudges is not going to kill the president.

[292] Stop, you know.

[293] He's doing a hunting show.

[294] He likes playing guitar.

[295] Yeah.

[296] It's not going to kill the president.

[297] And then Ted, of course, he's like, with Secret Service came.

[298] They were fans of mine.

[299] And I played a little concert with him, and I gave him all my latest CD and stuff.

[300] Yeah.

[301] He's like I was going to take him out back at the shooting range, but they didn't want to do it.

[302] Have you ever seen him in the helicopters shooting pigs?

[303] No. You've got to see it.

[304] You've got to see it.

[305] It's one of the greatest things the world has ever known.

[306] Ted Nugent in a helicopter shooting wild pigs with a machine gun.

[307] Just to -tong -tong -tong -tong -tong -tong -tong.

[308] It's the fucking craziest thing ever.

[309] They're flying around in Texas in a fucking helicopter.

[310] They're him and this dude, they call him Pigman.

[311] So Pigman and Ted Nugent, and they're circling around these giant packs of pigs and just lighten them up.

[312] It's fucked up.

[313] You want to see it?

[314] Yeah.

[315] I love Noges.

[316] Is this it?

[317] This is just talking about the devastation.

[318] There's like a whole graphic before the video that shows what these wild pigs do in Texas, because they are absolutely devastating to the farms down there.

[319] They're out of control.

[320] There's so many of them.

[321] millions of wild pigs in Texas alone.

[322] I mean, it's a fucking infestation.

[323] But, like, as you see, when you're circling over in a helicopter, you're talking about a huge area.

[324] I mean, Texas is goddamn enormous.

[325] And these things are impossible to eradicate because they're smart.

[326] So they get together, and they're fucking shooting these things out of helicopters.

[327] And it's fucking madness.

[328] You can shoot as many as you want all day long.

[329] You shoot them at night.

[330] There's no rules.

[331] You just shoot them.

[332] I mean, it's like, look at the.

[333] this.

[334] This is crazy.

[335] Oh, that's awful.

[336] It's awful.

[337] Well, it wouldn't be awful if you were hungry and you wanted a pig or if it was your farm.

[338] Yeah, absolutely.

[339] The problem is if it's your farm like, fuck man. Like, what is a farm then?

[340] You know, if they become a threat to people, that's one thing, but it is really weird that you could just, just because they're cost money.

[341] Like they're chewing up people's food, but they're animals.

[342] You know, like that's what they kind of do yeah it's like they have to manage them but you have to figure out a way to manage the population but it seems like they can't seems like there's just too many of them they just have to kill them but doing it that way just seems kind of fucked it seems effective put them to sleep and rock them to bed or something like make it like a religious thing where we bless these pigs instead of shooting them with a machine gun out of a helicopter it's just you know no I don't know I mean, look at cats and dogs, like we put cats and dogs to sleep or we try to, you know, do something for them.

[343] But like animals that we need to get over, that were overpopulated with, you know, we shouldn't be really allowed to just like, I don't know, torture or, you know, shoot with a machine gun out of a helicopter.

[344] I think they're just doing it because it's one of the only ways it's effective.

[345] I think on the ground, you can't get to them.

[346] Doing it from a helicopter is like one of the best ways to do it because they're too smart.

[347] If you're on the ground, you try to get near them, they run away.

[348] They smell things, they hear things.

[349] They don't see very good, but they can hear very well, and they smell anything.

[350] They just bolt.

[351] What about poisoning?

[352] You couldn't poison them because then you poison a bunch of other shit, too.

[353] And you poison the environment, and you poison the things that eat the things he poisoned.

[354] If you poison a pig and the pig gets eaten by a mountain line, the mountain line gets poisoned too.

[355] And the mountline could dive from the same disease or the same poison.

[356] Then you can't have that pig meat either.

[357] Yeah, pig meat goes bad.

[358] They just got to figure out a way to keep them from, you know, that's one of the best ways.

[359] It's fucked up, but it's one of the best ways to kill them is those helicopter things.

[360] Because they can do it in, they can get 100 of them, 200 of them in a day.

[361] They got 450 in one day on that pig man show.

[362] Pigs are so smart, though.

[363] It sucks.

[364] I don't like when smart animals, you know.

[365] I hear you.

[366] It's fucking.

[367] Yeah.

[368] You're right.

[369] You're right.

[370] They're smart, but there is such a big difference between smart animals and smart people.

[371] there's a giant fucking difference and I wonder what the variable of like being wild is because like pigs if you're around pigs and they're domesticated they're sweet they're really sweet little animals they come over and they hang with you they're pretty cool but they're domesticated so it means their experiences none of their experience has been devastating they haven't seen their mother getting killed by a wild mountain lion or something like that they haven't seen their brother getting eaten by a bear you know they're not living in wild just running away from shit all the time like a wild pig is they're constantly fed and taken care of so they have like it's sort of like people you know people if you leave people in a wild state like people even to this day there's places in the world where people live a far scarier life than we could ever imagine like every day you're dealing with violence and chaos and danger those people are they're going to be a wilder style of human being than we are you know And I think that's what's going on with these pigs.

[372] It's like, it's kind of fucked that you can eat something that also, if the circumstances were better, could be your buddy.

[373] Yeah, right?

[374] Put a hat on that pig and it would be awesome.

[375] Yeah.

[376] There's definitely something to that.

[377] Because it's all about their experiences.

[378] If they're growing up in a cage and you just, I mean, we don't even understand their behavior.

[379] Because the behavior that we have of pigs is almost all of it is behavior of things that are locked up.

[380] you know the actual wild behavior of them they're super hard to watch you got to it's hard to get close to them you know if you try tagging them and releasing them and all that's a fucking nightmare they're clever fuckers it's almost like you could take a shitload of pigs and put it in some kind of like spinning like a windmill type things and that we can make them make energy for us instead or something like that right like give them food in a giant hamster wheel and as they go and chase after the food yeah but you have to make that food it takes energy to make the food that's going to give them energy.

[381] Like, logically, it wouldn't make sense.

[382] And let's see how, like, a super good, very efficient system, or, like, each spin was worth, like, hundreds of kilowatts of...

[383] Right.

[384] Well, the windmill was, like, five miles long, and it's just rows and rows of pigs.

[385] Right, but how much food would you have to give those fucks?

[386] You don't have to give them anything.

[387] It would be fake food.

[388] No, they just, they die.

[389] It smelled good.

[390] One dies, then you cut them up and let them eat their friend.

[391] Yeah, I thought about this at all.

[392] They eat the row in front of them.

[393] They were done in by row.

[394] Each row is like a week, so they die in the ones in front of you eat them.

[395] Just shut the fuck up.

[396] You know, they say that's one of the best, like that movie Snatch, that they'd say that really is one of the best ways to get rid of a body.

[397] Some guy who is a pig farmer in, I think it was British Columbia.

[398] It was also a serial killer.

[399] And he would throw the bodies into the pigs die, and the pigs would just destroy them.

[400] Really?

[401] Eat everything.

[402] They eat everything.

[403] They shit out the teeth.

[404] It's about it.

[405] Everything else gets done.

[406] They chew through the bone.

[407] everything wow yeah they're monsters it's crazy this girl I met recently she collects teeth and it's like all the teeth have a story I know all the teeth have a story like this is my friend Jeff's tooth or this is the girl's tooth that I met on a subway or whatever and she says she likes to throw them in her bed and sleep with the teeth so when she wakes up it looks like teeth marks all over her body let me open your mouth let me see if you're missing any Jesus Christ and when are you guys getting married you move in yet no you still got your wisdom teeth because yeah i know i got rid of what yeah because she'd be like last time i'll get them out and right there's always gonna be someone new out there that surprises you even more i know what the fuck you think you got it all figured out is she hot at least oh she's super hot uh and she has all these other skulls like she has monkey skulls cat skulls like her whole house is just skulls and then she has jars so healthy yeah and one of the teeth had like it was like a fresh one like it had some meat on it or something It's gross as fuck.

[408] She might have paid a dude on Craigslist to pull it.

[409] You see her two feet on his shoulders, fucking pear pliers.

[410] Fucking periscope chicks are crazy.

[411] He's screaming.

[412] So you haven't hooked up with her.

[413] No, no, no, I'm not going to freak me out.

[414] Good for you.

[415] So how about this fucking N -WACP lady from Spokane, Washington that pretended to be black?

[416] This is not real life.

[417] This is like simulation theory, and somebody hacked and is playing a joke on this.

[418] How did you get away with it?

[419] That long.

[420] I don't know.

[421] It's a fucking good question.

[422] Her parents outed her, apparently.

[423] Did you look at her look in her eye when the reporter goes?

[424] Oh, yes.

[425] You could see where everything just popped in her eye.

[426] She realized, oh, no, I've been found.

[427] There's a picture of a before and after with her, and the before it was when she was identifying as white.

[428] She's transracial.

[429] When she was identifying as white, she had freckles and blonde.

[430] hair and then all of a sudden she's got that orange tan thing going on and like like legit like black woman permy looking hair like she got her hair permed she looks like that waitress at the comedy story you know what I'm talking about that look at her hair I mean wow I would that's and she she you would teach she taught at a university level African studies how does no one know her from her past that could besides her parents coming out and saying that like this apparently Her parents had adopted a bunch of brothers and sisters that were black.

[431] I think was that what it was?

[432] Four brothers and sisters that were black.

[433] And so somewhere along the line, she appropriated like that they were her family and that she's black.

[434] Then she started calling one of them her son or something.

[435] Oh, boy.

[436] Definitely hot or black, though.

[437] Yeah.

[438] That's a new trend.

[439] She looks hot on the right, but that can't be her for real.

[440] That's some Photoshop shit going on.

[441] The whole thing is very, very strange.

[442] It's really strange.

[443] But here's what's even stranger.

[444] Apparently, look at her hair, wonderful.

[445] Apparently, out of the founding people, like there was 14 founding people of the NWACP, 10 of them were white.

[446] There was a lot of white people involved in the NWACP.

[447] And maybe this is good about what happens here.

[448] I mean, not that this lady's crazy and she's pretended to be black, but maybe it's good that the conversation gets brought up and people realize that like racial equality movement doesn't have to be all black people and wasn't all black people.

[449] Yeah.

[450] And they're like her race doesn't have anything to do with how good she is.

[451] They're like, she's really good at her job.

[452] She's like really into black people.

[453] That's what it is.

[454] That's what it is.

[455] Nothing wrong with that.

[456] Some people are really into French history.

[457] Some people are, you know what I'm saying?

[458] She's like top wig.

[459] Wait, what's the new word?

[460] Can you still say that?

[461] Can you still say wigger.

[462] Okay.

[463] Top wigger.

[464] They haven't stolen it from us.

[465] They haven't robbed us of Wigger It's so weird The whole thing is wonderful It's wonderful This lady's wonderful But meanwhile apparently she was good at her job And the NACP They were actually saying Wow look at her hair there Yeah she went full She got cat yarn on her head She tried to figure it out Like a bunch of different ways of doing it That's when she was like I'm gonna get found If I keep dyeing my hair black And putting that fucking spray tail Someone's gonna call me Why my sheets orange Oh, hold up.

[466] The whole thing is so amazing.

[467] It's amazing.

[468] Eyebrows on fleek.

[469] She sued school.

[470] What?

[471] NWACP imposter.

[472] Sued school over race claims.

[473] Oh, my God.

[474] She masqueraded as a black as black once sued Howard University for denying her teaching posts and a scholarship because she was a white woman.

[475] The smoking gun has learned.

[476] Whoa.

[477] I'm older than her.

[478] Wow.

[479] She graduated from the historically black college with a master's of fine arts degree.

[480] That's so interesting.

[481] So in 2002, she sued to school.

[482] That is so interesting.

[483] And she was teaching somewhere else, right?

[484] Was she teaching there or was she teaching somewhere else?

[485] But she was teaching, like, African -related courses.

[486] She's just really in Africa.

[487] Imagine, but let's put yourself in her shoes.

[488] I'm not saying that transracial is real.

[489] Okay, I'm not saying you should be able to just identify with a different race.

[490] But if you could, she would be a really good argument for it, right?

[491] Okay.

[492] She's got black people in her family that she loves dearly, right?

[493] She maybe identifies with them.

[494] She went to an all -black college.

[495] She was teaching African studies, and she was running the fucking NAACP.

[496] I mean, if anybody can be transracial, that lady was kicking ass at it.

[497] Absolutely.

[498] You got to say, I'm fucking impressed with what she's done.

[499] Her love of African people, of black people, has let her do an amazing job in several areas.

[500] Right?

[501] I want to see what her Facebook page looks like.

[502] How does a boyfriend or somebody that she dated not come out and say something?

[503] Like, look, this chick is white.

[504] They might not know.

[505] They might not know.

[506] No, but you know what?

[507] You don't see her in the morning when she's got to put.

[508] more makeup on and shit hides from you and everything fucking curtain in her house is closed like Dracula she keeps all the lights off she kicks you out at night like I can't sleep at anybody you gotta go I'm like this is the greatest chick ever I don't have to sleep at her as soon as you leave you here the compressors of her tan machine she's fucking spraying herself the big airbrush can like she's fucking detailing a Chevel she had to have gotten spray tan so there was a thousand percent there was a spray tan somewhere that knew her secret you know that had to bring over the big umbrella the extra jug yeah yeah well this is like did they don't they have a better way of doing that now how do they do that they still make you stand and spray you to make it realistic that's the best way i mean you have the rub on kind and stuff like that but you can't usually get it even enough unless you really is you just spent all day doing it how weird are we that not we because i haven't done it i don't think you're doing it what people are going and getting fucking spray tanned that's i mean that is so insane you're going and you're getting Dye sprayed all over your body.

[509] It stinks, too.

[510] It's just fucking weird.

[511] It's just weird.

[512] And it wears off in like a day or two days or whatever it is.

[513] You can get the abs sprayed on it, though.

[514] You can?

[515] Yeah.

[516] Oh, that's so retarded.

[517] It's so retarded.

[518] Do people not have time to lay in the sun anymore for an hour or two?

[519] Maybe you live in Seattle.

[520] Yeah.

[521] There's no room.

[522] I just know from girls that you're like, oh, I have to photo shoot tomorrow, so I have to get spray tan because I can't tan all day to day and just, you know, it's a timing.

[523] thing.

[524] I get it, and it's also a skin cancer thing.

[525] Some chicks don't want to get skin cancer, you know?

[526] Standing out in the sun is not good for you, apparently.

[527] Which is fucked.

[528] Because you need the sun for vitamin D. Vitamin D. You need vitamin D. The fuck.

[529] I don't put sunscreen on.

[530] I'm out.

[531] I don't give a shit.

[532] You're an animal.

[533] Look at you.

[534] You don't give a fuck.

[535] You're doing it in spurts, little spots.

[536] You don't go out there for eight hours of a time.

[537] I used to a landscape with no fucking shirt on.

[538] I just did it until I can have a tan.

[539] yeah that's what everybody did back then yeah nobody wore sunscreen we were kids we put oil on we did the opposite we got that baby oil just again baby on especially in like massachusetts your summer's a week long you gotta get it in why you can absolutely I went up two notches on a scale of one a 10 if I had a tan I went from like a four to a six so I had like a three month window where I was a six I had to try to clean up when you're young especially you're fucking making moves She'll wear the chain?

[540] Should I wear the chain?

[541] Hmm.

[542] What about Cologne?

[543] They like it.

[544] You should probably try it.

[545] Dracar.

[546] This is a big one.

[547] I had that shit.

[548] Dracard noir, right?

[549] And polo.

[550] The green polo.

[551] Yeah, the green polo was good.

[552] I had that shit, too.

[553] You know what's a fucking standby?

[554] Old Spice, God damn.

[555] I still use Old Spice.

[556] It's a dad thing.

[557] Old Spice after shave.

[558] Old Spice is good.

[559] Especially if you didn't shower, you didn't have time and just throw it on.

[560] Throw a little old spice on.

[561] Yeah.

[562] Take Dad's kit, you're him.

[563] Did you hear about that fucking guy that cut some dude's throat?

[564] He was one of those uh one of those straight rager shaver dudes in a barbershop.

[565] Oh no. He just sliced this dude's throat and ran away.

[566] Oh no. They caught him and apparently had a history of mental illness.

[567] Didn't even know the guy whose throat he cut just slashed this fucking guy's throat.

[568] Oh shit.

[569] Yeah the guy lived.

[570] Guy's gonna be okay.

[571] Didn't do a good job of thrashing his throat missed the big artery or maybe he was able to plug it up whatever the guy did, but fucking A, man. That's like the number one thing that everybody's worried about with those fucking straight raisers.

[572] You know, like, what would happen if I just randomly got a nut, and this nut decided to cut my throat?

[573] That's why I go to Dollar Shave Club, Joe.

[574] Look at this.

[575] Sentenced to Barber Thursday to 10 years in prison for inexplicably slashing customers' throat during a haircut and shave before pedaling away on his bike.

[576] U .S. Navy Petty Officer Timothy Vaughn 33 was at Vicks.

[577] Barbershop, an Imperial Beach just south of San Diego for a haircut in October when barber Daniel Roberto Flores calmly slashed a straight razor across Vaughn's throat twice.

[578] Whoa, Mr. Flores waiting until people left the room.

[579] Deputy District Attorney Laura Evans said he insisted on trimming the victim's beard.

[580] He said, I could cut your throat and then he did.

[581] Jesus Christ.

[582] I want to know what was leading up to that, though.

[583] Was the guy being a dick?

[584] You know, the petty officer?

[585] Was he just, like, being a jerk the whole time?

[586] Well, he said his training as a medic kicked in.

[587] The guy whose throat got cut and allowed him save his own life despite severe injury and blood loss.

[588] Sid spent hundreds of hours of physical therapy, surgery, and psychiatric treatment trying to recover.

[589] Fucking A man. Damn.

[590] They didn't know each other.

[591] There was no conflict or argument before he attack.

[592] That's so crazy.

[593] that's only 10 years in jail what's how's that guy gonna get fixed we're gonna let him out in five who doesn't kill anybody how's that gonna go like anybody who does that you need to kill that person you don't put him in jail for 10 years you out of your mind put him in field in Texas and let Ted Nugent yeah yeah helicopter and shoot at him pigs take them down to where Ted Nunes you shooting those pigs shoot them in the kneecaps just let the pigs eat them fuck you I'd rather watch that yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you You can't just do that.

[594] You can't get out of jail in 10 years.

[595] That's crazy.

[596] Ten years is not that much time.

[597] Ten years ago was 2005.

[598] That's not enough time to go to jail for trying to kill someone with a straight razor.

[599] That'll probably be out in eight.

[600] Fuck that.

[601] That's ridiculous.

[602] Did you watch Jeff Ross's roast of the criminals?

[603] No, I did not.

[604] I heard it was awesome.

[605] I haven't seen it.

[606] I heard it was great, though.

[607] I love the fact that he did it.

[608] I want to talk to him about it because he wrote a really good thing for the Huffington Post the other day about the system, about the penal system.

[609] I'm not understanding it once you get inside of it and see how fucked up and nightmarish it is.

[610] The girls were pretty hot in there.

[611] Really?

[612] Yeah, there was a few really hot ones.

[613] No shit.

[614] Yeah, it was kind of weird.

[615] I would imagine there's a lot of crazy bitches that are hot and fuck up and do something stupid and wind up getting locked up.

[616] That makes sense.

[617] Why would you think that girls in prison wouldn't be hot?

[618] I know.

[619] Because, I mean, how many crazy girls do you have I dated that were one step away from being in jail?

[620] Oh, yeah.

[621] You could have gotten a few of them arrested if you were really into it.

[622] I have one that's a friend that just got out after nine months, and like a nine and a half on a scale of one of ten.

[623] Capao, motherfucker.

[624] Hot, though?

[625] Oh, that's all right.

[626] Yeah, you get them to the point where they're ready to kill you.

[627] Yeah.

[628] And then somehow or another, you escape with your life.

[629] Sucks.

[630] But if there was a fucking camera on the wall.

[631] Oh, there's drop cams everywhere nowadays, Joe.

[632] Oh, I got that shit secured.

[633] God damn, dude.

[634] I don't know what you're doing.

[635] Everybody gets mad at you.

[636] I'm not doing enough, I guess.

[637] Whatever it is.

[638] Do you usually have crazy girls in your life, Jim?

[639] Oh, yeah.

[640] He's a comic.

[641] Yeah, mostly?

[642] My whole life.

[643] Your whole life.

[644] Pretty much, yeah.

[645] Was there one that was most crazy?

[646] Was there a good story to it?

[647] A million of them.

[648] I'm trying to think.

[649] But yeah, you always attracted to it.

[650] Yeah, I always wanted the crazy one after the show.

[651] I was dancing on top of the bar, whipping her tits out.

[652] Yeah, that's the one.

[653] It's going to be fun.

[654] But depending upon how crazy the personality is.

[655] I met a gypsy the other day.

[656] And remember we talked about gypsies recently?

[657] I think we were singing this share song.

[658] But she's a gypsy and she doesn't have a house.

[659] She doesn't have a house.

[660] What does that mean?

[661] She just goes from one millionaire's house to another millionaire's house.

[662] She's a millionaire gypsy girl?

[663] Wow.

[664] She just hangs out.

[665] She's like, yeah, I just hang out at by pools and stuff.

[666] There are girls that are like that.

[667] There's guys, I know a guy who's like that.

[668] He's always like, he's an old.

[669] gentleman and he's got quite a bit of money he's in his 60s he's never been married and he'll invite like really hot chicks to stay at his place and they live with them all the time like he's always got like some new nutty 10 that's living with him and I'm like what do you are you fucking he's like I'm trying I'm like Jesus Christ like but he would like bring them in and that was the thing he would like buy them stuff get them cars and they could live with them you know and he like would try suit he was like it's really mismatched because he's not a good looking fellow you know so he would bring them in and they would live with them and he tried super duper hard to get it sometimes you get it but oftentimes it just be a disaster they couldn't he couldn't get laid and he's paying for everything and they're living with him i would do it i would have a new guy rule but i wouldn't buy them cars and stuff but they can just crash there no guy rule i can't bring guys over no guys yeah sometimes you know it sounds like a sugar daddy thing i had this stripper i used to date she had a sugar daddy and she would just buy them all a buy her all of shit which is great because i don't have to buy it and then i got to the point I go, you know what, maybe he should start getting me some shit because I'm letting her go out.

[670] He's trying to fuck her, obviously.

[671] So I'm like, well, get, I remember it was a VCR.

[672] I'm like, well, get me a VCR because I don't want to put up with her shit.

[673] And then she'd come on with a VCR.

[674] It's like, I need a VCR.

[675] I'm like, beautiful.

[676] I actually went on a date with them in a limo and pretend that I was the guy friend and badmouthed myself for an hour in front of this guy.

[677] You know that boyfriend of hers?

[678] Like, yeah, he's a real dick.

[679] Oh, my God.

[680] And we went to a mall and I picked out like 20 CDs.

[681] He bought me. And I think he bought me like a, I forget it was like a walkman at the time or something like that i'm like yeah i'll take one and i'm like sure you seem a good dude just fucking bad my mess and the guy's holding her hand in the limo and i'm just sitting there like the friend i'm like i don't give a shit i'm getting cdies oh that's hilarious that's a strong pimp move i tried to get a tv but he wasn't going for it see a lot of these guys that rocket like this the reason why they have to is because of prostitution laws if prostitution was legal there's a lot of these older creeperzoid dudes that are just out there trying to make it happen.

[682] It's just tough action, you know, unless you're paying for it.

[683] Very tough to get someone to love you for who you are, like if you have these really high standards and you're gross.

[684] But if you've got a ton of cash and prostitution's legal, if they just made prostitution legal in America, you'd have exactly the same amount of hoes, okay?

[685] Exactly the same.

[686] Listen to me. They're not going to, more people are not going to be hoes.

[687] Hose are hoes already.

[688] They're just, they're doing it in weird ways.

[689] And maybe it'd be better if prostitution was legal, so you found it exactly who the hoes are.

[690] Safer, tax it.

[691] Exactly.

[692] Tax it.

[693] Apple pay.

[694] Exactly.

[695] Amazon one click.

[696] Right.

[697] What's nothing wrong with it?

[698] It's just sex.

[699] Is it okay to get a massage?

[700] Yes.

[701] It's okay to pay someone to suck your dick.

[702] It just is.

[703] Yes.

[704] It should be, you know?

[705] And these guys shouldn't have to move these fucking girls in.

[706] Buy them cars.

[707] It's rude.

[708] Buy the guy friends, VCRs.

[709] I shouldn't have to do it.

[710] I felt bad, but he's trying, I'm figuring he's trying to bang my chick.

[711] So at least I should get some gifts out of it.

[712] Now, how did you wind up ending this whole relationship?

[713] You know, it was a stripper, so it was just...

[714] I mean, with him?

[715] I, no, they just...

[716] How did you guys get him out of your life?

[717] It seems like you would want some return for his investment.

[718] No, because he was doing it, he was juggling like three different ones, and he just never...

[719] I think he was fucking one, but he wanted to fuck all three.

[720] Of course.

[721] And my chick had boundaries.

[722] That's hilarious.

[723] She said when I wasn't around, she said she was, no way I'm not going to sleep with him, but he bought her tits too.

[724] She wanted me to buy her tits for like $4 ,000.

[725] I'm like, I'm not buying your tits.

[726] And he bought her tits?

[727] Yeah, he bought her tits.

[728] Holy shit.

[729] Oh, yeah.

[730] Did you guys go to dinner with this guy?

[731] Just, yeah, we went to dinner just that night.

[732] I only met him that one time.

[733] Oh, okay.

[734] I'd be at the bar, though, because, you know, the sugar daddy always comes in the strip club and sits there.

[735] And all the girls come out, I was right across the bar, just sitting there, just watching this guy.

[736] I'm like, I'm fucking that tonight.

[737] Keep giving her money.

[738] Oh, that's so weird.

[739] She's taking me to dinner.

[740] She's taking me to dinner later with that money.

[741] You're that guy when people always talk about like strippers' crazy boyfriends.

[742] That's you.

[743] Yeah.

[744] You're like the quintessential one.

[745] And I was like cutting lawns at the time.

[746] I was making like $8 an hour.

[747] And this guy's probably making like $300 ,000 a year.

[748] So that's pimping.

[749] You're technically pimping.

[750] Yeah.

[751] In a way.

[752] You know, I mean, not full on pimping, but that's pretty pimpish.

[753] Respect.

[754] I really needed a BCR.

[755] Yeah.

[756] I did.

[757] I respect that hustle.

[758] I've done the same stuff.

[759] I've added things to, when I dated Veronica Ricci.

[760] I added things to her Amazon wish list, like Xbox games and stuff.

[761] This is a new world.

[762] This is a world of Amazon wish lists where girls can say, I want you to buy me stuff.

[763] Like they have a list where you go and you can just buy their shit.

[764] Go buy them shit.

[765] And they go, oh, my God, thank you so much.

[766] Really?

[767] Thank you so much, Jim Florentine.

[768] This jacket is amazing.

[769] It's everything I wanted.

[770] It's just so nice to have fans like you.

[771] You're the best fans in the world.

[772] Thank you.

[773] Kim Kongden just got the next box one.

[774] Somebody bought her an Xbox one.

[775] She has a wish list?

[776] Is she the only comic with a wish list?

[777] No, no, no. Who's got wish list?

[778] I tell everyone.

[779] Little Esther has one.

[780] Do you have one?

[781] No. I have a Death Squad one that had like, I used to have one.

[782] But the Death Squad Studio one, which was like, oh, I need this mic stand and stuff like that.

[783] And people would buy it?

[784] Yeah, it was cool.

[785] Wow.

[786] But Little Esther would have.

[787] have one and I would have access to her wish list when I dated her so I'd add all these like black dildos and stuff to it and like vibe and she would go on the podcast and she'd be like guys I have an Amazon wish list please give me something and she didn't know I added all this shit to it right so she was just getting sent vibrators and anal beads and she's like what's going on did she get upset or did she was she happy in the long run she used them all I'm sure beautiful yeah so so guy comics do this too to have a wish list no I've never heard of a guy comic.

[788] Oh, yeah.

[789] Guys have wish lists.

[790] Who?

[791] Comic?

[792] Yeah, you can look up anybody has a wish list, really.

[793] Now it is.

[794] Dude, guy comics that have a wish list.

[795] Name one.

[796] Wow.

[797] That's what we're talking about.

[798] Tom Segura.

[799] Are you too hard to have a conversation right now?

[800] Tom Segura.

[801] Does he?

[802] I'm sure he does.

[803] Does he?

[804] Come on.

[805] I'll find one for you.

[806] Yeah, fine if it's Tom Segura.

[807] I highly doubt it.

[808] I highly doubt it.

[809] I bet Greg Chrysier has one too.

[810] No. I don't think any of them have a wish list.

[811] Wish lists.

[812] Wishlist where they want you to buy them shit I could see like a struggling comic that has got no money he's like hey if I can get some whatever if I need something maybe but someone that's established there's no reason for that I can't even see a struggling comic doing it like what would you want someone to buy you like what are you doing?

[813] Tires for your car like the relationship the girl has when she puts up with those Amazon wish list things the relationship is like look this is a box we can mail me shit Like, all you have to do is just go through the electronic things right here, press this, click that, and I'll get some shit.

[814] Some money will be missing, but you're not going to notice that.

[815] But what you are going to notice, the fact that I'm going to go, oh, my God, thank you.

[816] These are exactly the shoes that I wanted, and I was saving up for them.

[817] So it meant so much to me. That's all they need.

[818] Yeah, it's just...

[819] Absolutely.

[820] It's like, yeah, I bought her shoes.

[821] Thank you, Jim Florentine.

[822] I have them on now.

[823] Yeah, they do a lot of that, right?

[824] Yeah.

[825] Tom Scurra has one.

[826] He has a wish list?

[827] Where he's asking people to buy him shit?

[828] Please read the list.

[829] A lot of DVD.

[830] He's got Last Man Standing on DVD.

[831] I'm asking him right now.

[832] He's a oh.

[833] He's got Red State, grass.

[834] He's got a bunch of movies.

[835] A Survival's Tale.

[836] Wait, this is what he wants from people?

[837] I think so.

[838] I mean, it's just as wish lists.

[839] It's not like, a lot of people have wish lists, but I don't think they like pimp them out.

[840] Like, hey, you know, here's my wish list.

[841] buy me something it's more of like things that they're they want to get eventually i think you know i'm asking him do you have an amazon wish list if so lose my number yeah actually he's has a few of them it looks like uh he has a few of them yeah let me let me see if uh joey dyes has one so he's not have a wish list i bet he does it's all shit his wife wants that is a that wish list thing is very strange what's going to be way way stranger is that within two or three decades we're not even going to have to go to the store to buy shit like everything we'll be sent to you through the internet or it's going to be 3D printed that's going to be the vast majority you think so fuck yeah I mean as long as it makes sense like size wise like you couldn't 3D print a table this big in the in the machines that most people are going to have in their house But I really believe that there's going to be a time in our lives where people are going to be making most of the stuff that they are going to download instructions and have a fucking printer in their house that prints it just like it prints an image they're going to be able to do that with actual three -dimensional things like with high certainty Did you know that did you see that new printer where it's like a liquid based printer where it doesn't it prints different it's a different kind of 3D printer technology that they just made where it actually comes from the body Mm -hmm.

[842] Yeah.

[843] And they use like an air so like it pulls the item out of like a liquid.

[844] It's badass.

[845] Yeah, there's a few different methods they use different ways of heating the little particles, those little pellets that they use to fill.

[846] It's a bunch of different methods of doing it.

[847] But apparently they're saying that like what we're seeing is the infancy.

[848] This is like the model T's of these fucking things.

[849] Just like old printers.

[850] You remember those printers?

[851] It was like Locky, never really looked like you would, like, dark at the top, and the bottom would be light.

[852] They were dark shit.

[853] Dot matrix printer.

[854] Now you can do, you can get these fucking printers that print photographs on photograph quality paper, and it looks like an HD photo.

[855] You're like, holy shit.

[856] I'm looking at like a really nice photograph, and you print it off of a home computer printer.

[857] It's fucking nuts.

[858] Well, they're going to have that with this 3D shit.

[859] They're going to have 3D objects, and you're going to just need the raw materials.

[860] So you're going to have like a jug of aluminum and, you know, a big fucking thing of all the different minerals that you're going to need to create these things.

[861] And then the computer is going to figure out where to put everything.

[862] It's going to be nuts.

[863] It's going to be really weird, real weird.

[864] Then they're going to be able to do it with biology.

[865] That's when shit's going to get real weird.

[866] If technology continues where they can manipulate biology, and they're pretty close to be able to do that now, they're doing weird different things.

[867] They're splicing different genes and shutting off different.

[868] genes and a bunch once if they do that and then that becomes so commonplace that it starts getting its hand somehow or another in the public that the public gets a hand on it and the public can manipulate their own DNA like you can have your own build a pet like you have a machine where you can build a pet people are going to make like half polar bear half fucking hawk things i mean just imagine how fucking bizarre once people can actually manipulate life and create like their versions of animals and shit, it's gonna be chaos.

[869] Yeah, you just choose the perfect puppy.

[870] Like, I want to shit to, but I want to have that black on the back, and white in the front, and just prints it out, and it comes to life immediately.

[871] And if some asshole uses it wrong, can you imagine if you're, like, hanging out in your house and the next -door neighbor's house explodes with baboons.

[872] His baboons are running out of his house.

[873] You're like, this fucking asshole in his printer.

[874] He's making these fucking baboons, full -grown baboons.

[875] You print them out.

[876] And they just come tumbling out of some chamber that he's got in his basement that's not a I mean they're going to be able to do some weird shit in a thousand years think about a thousand years ago the best shit you had was a horse that's the best thing that wagon behind the horse I mean that's okay if you had some shit you had to pull around but the horse was the way you got around the idea that you could fly a plane like if you could go back to the 1 ,200s and tell them about air travel how easy it is to get to Paris how easy it is like in a day you could be in China.

[877] They'd be like, what the fuck are you even talking about, man?

[878] But yeah, you're getting a tube and it flies to the air.

[879] Shut the fuck up.

[880] All right, just stop.

[881] That's what it's going to be like for us.

[882] A thousand years from now, what they're going to be able to do with bodies and with electronics and what they're going to be able to do with technology, it's going to make, we're living in the cave era.

[883] We're living in some bizarre, like, static world that we can't manipulate.

[884] And that's going to seem ridiculous to people in the future.

[885] Will they be able to cure cancer?

[886] This is not going to be any diseases.

[887] There won't be any.

[888] No. So people will live to whatever age.

[889] I can't imagine.

[890] I think there's going to become a point in time.

[891] If you just follow the curve, right, go back from how quickly people died of illnesses a thousand years ago.

[892] How most illnesses that came along that were pretty severe, they'd have a big impact.

[893] Like, you could easily lose 20 % of the population of your city and some sort of a plague.

[894] And they had a bunch of those, a bunch of plagues.

[895] They had plagues that wiped out 60, 70 % of the population.

[896] And they had just insane plagues.

[897] That doesn't really happen.

[898] anymore okay so just think about the all the different medications that scientists have come up with all the different treatments for diseases that medical biology is constantly evolving and getting better at figuring out a way to detect things early and it's a safer time to be like a person who needs medical assistance now than ever before ever in human history bar far there's not even a not even a remote comparison right well if that keeps going where's it going it's getting better They're getting better at fixing bodies.

[899] They're getting better at fixing bodies and eventually there's going to be genetic manipulation.

[900] When those two things combined, it's like the only thing that's going to kill you is trauma.

[901] The only thing that's going to kill people is like accidents and things that they can't fix.

[902] That's what's going to kill people.

[903] They're going to get to a point where they can fix all that shit.

[904] They're going to be able to reintroduce different genes into your body.

[905] So they'll be able to introduce different genes to your heart that make your heart work different.

[906] They have this fucking shit that they're working on that spiders.

[907] silk, it's an artificial human skin that's a hybrid with spider silk.

[908] It's going to be bulletproof.

[909] They're going to have bulletproof human skin if this works.

[910] Holy shit.

[911] Exactly.

[912] Like what they're going to be able to do a thousand years from now is outside of the realm of anyone's imagination.

[913] The history that we study today, when you study Alexander the Great, when you study Genghis Khan, if you had to go back in time that far, the way they lived, you would still kind of understand.

[914] it.

[915] We understand the way they live.

[916] We understand that they rode around horseback.

[917] They got their water from the river.

[918] They had to hunt for their food.

[919] They had no refrigeration.

[920] There's constant war and struggle.

[921] We understand that.

[922] They still seem like people.

[923] But what they're going to be a thousand years from now is going to be nuts.

[924] It's going to be fucking bananas.

[925] Everyone's going to be 20 years old.

[926] There's going to be no disease.

[927] And we're going to be freaks.

[928] They're going to be able to manipulate your genes.

[929] You could be like a half eagle person.

[930] You can run around with feathers growing off your dick That's not outside the realm of possibility Things are going to get real If you have today, like people You're allowed to go to, I mean, and you should be, You're allowed to go to any one of those body modification places And they put fucking plates in your forehead And stretch your ears out and cut your lips off Or whatever a nutty shit you want to do Why not?

[931] Let them do it.

[932] Who cares?

[933] But if you want to be like a half ego person Ooh.

[934] What?

[935] You're going to grow talons?

[936] You're going to be half ego person.

[937] Like we don't even.

[938] know, should you be able to live in a city now?

[939] That's going to happen.

[940] Half Eagle people are going to be a reality.

[941] So what happens all the pharmaceutical companies with all our, with no more sickness and all that other stuff?

[942] It's 20 % of our...

[943] Oh, Jesus.

[944] Oh, my God.

[945] The lip window.

[946] Whoa, that's rough.

[947] Oh, my God.

[948] Is that real?

[949] Oh, my God.

[950] That guy's out a hole in the side of his face, like a second mouth, and he sticks his tongue through it.

[951] Oh, my God, that's crazy.

[952] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[953] How did they drink Kool -A?

[954] It just comes out their mouth?

[955] I guess they have to use a straw.

[956] Everything, they must have to drink everything with a straw.

[957] Imagine watching that dummy eat.

[958] Blow job squirts right back out of you.

[959] What is that one in the group down there with the tat to that guy?

[960] What is going on with him?

[961] Oh, my Jesus Christ.

[962] Holy shit.

[963] What is he doing?

[964] Look at this.

[965] nose.

[966] He has these giant holes.

[967] His nostrils, he's had holes not in the bottom where the nostril hole is, but on the sides.

[968] Holes created and then stretched way out to the sides of a quarter.

[969] So you can see right into his nasal cavity.

[970] Then he's got those enormous ear stretchy things, which I've gotten pretty used to.

[971] They're so normal now.

[972] And then he's got tattoos all over his face and his side of his head and his eyebrows.

[973] Jesus.

[974] Fuck, dude.

[975] What happened?

[976] I know.

[977] Who did you wrong, son?

[978] somebody remember simpler times where you just had it on the left side you weren't gay the right side you were gay now that's all it was dude anyone that you knew when you were growing up have a facial piercing never no no right I can't think of anybody no we had hoops or not hoops but I mean did you meet anyone that even had a nose ring when did you meet someone with a nose ring nose ring was college about 93 yeah that's when I saw a chick star and then guys too yeah I'm trying to figure it out when I saw my first nose ring Joe, didn't you have your belly button pierced?

[979] No, I was my dick.

[980] I was going to have it connected to my belly button with like a chain, like a wallet chain.

[981] Did you have, uh, did you have an earring?

[982] I had two my left ear.

[983] So I had two in the left, yeah.

[984] You couldn't put it in the right.

[985] I had a fake diamond that it would wear and a gold hoop.

[986] Yep, a gold hoop.

[987] This is pictures of it.

[988] Joe, I saw you on Ariani's, uh, Instagram wearing the extensions.

[989] That was so hilarious.

[990] Put some of my hair on.

[991] That was funny as far.

[992] I think that was actually Megan's, Megan O 'Levy, the broadcaster, interviewer.

[993] Yeah, I think it was her hair.

[994] I don't know whose hair it was, one of those chicks.

[995] That's so funny.

[996] You needed the earrings, though.

[997] It helped getting the chicks.

[998] Yeah.

[999] I had long hair, so it was always covered.

[1000] My dad didn't like it, so I'd take them out when I wasn't around, but he couldn't see it anyway because my hair was really long, but.

[1001] You need some peacock feathers, man. But Bond Scott from ACDC had an earring in each ear, so you're like, wait a minute.

[1002] Me too.

[1003] So some guys would go with both.

[1004] Like, hey, I'm not, you know, because if you was in the right ear, that meant you were gay but if you had them both he's like well bon scott had him in both so i can have them in both i never went bold move i know it was the both is eddie bravo used to do it i do both i could still do it in both they're they're both still they haven't grown together yet how dare you it's so weird yeah it's uh weird what you're allowed but it's weird what you're allowed to and not allowed to like i'm not allowed me personally i'm not allowed to hang out with anybody that has eyebrow piercings if you're a dude and you have eyebrow piercings i look in my rules and i go oh look i'm so sorry but I have rules.

[1005] I don't hang out with any dudes who have eyebrow piercings.

[1006] I got to go.

[1007] I like that rule.

[1008] That's fair enough.

[1009] But it's different.

[1010] Like Kara Santa Maria, who is our friend, is awesome.

[1011] She's got a lip ring.

[1012] And normally I look at people with lip rings.

[1013] I'm like, what is that dumb shit about why I got metal coming out of your face?

[1014] But she can pull it off.

[1015] Like, it just depends on the individual.

[1016] It doesn't even, I don't even notice that she has a lip ring.

[1017] It just seems like a part of her.

[1018] She's so smart and interesting.

[1019] to it doesn't really kind of affect how you think of her but a lot of people like you meet a girl with a lip ring like listen crazy what's going on with your face huh what you got there three ring binder coming out of your fucking lip I don't like the pussy pierce because I feel like I'm gonna tear it or rip it or something and then it just I don't like it that's a strong statement too when a girl gets her pussy yeah I've had a couple it doesn't really do anything I know it's down who what are you doing down there.

[1020] Why are you adding hardware?

[1021] This one chick got a little barbell.

[1022] She was lifting weights with her pussy?

[1023] Well, some girls will do kegles, you know?

[1024] I mean, that's essentially like doing some Bruce Lee dynamic tension exercises for your pussy.

[1025] She could masturbate by just tying a kite to it.

[1026] You know how Bruce Lee used to do that?

[1027] Bruce Lee used to fucking used to do these exercises where he just tensed up.

[1028] Girls do that with their pussy.

[1029] It works, too.

[1030] Well, there's a woman in Russia that can carry weight.

[1031] She has the world record for the amount of weight that she can carry with her pussy.

[1032] Like, she shoves something up her pussy, clamps down on it, and she can lift weights.

[1033] Like, I'm talking like fucking heavy weight, like 50, 60 pounds with her pussy.

[1034] Yeah, it's like a vice grip in there.

[1035] This is a Russian woman.

[1036] I wouldn't want my cock in there.

[1037] Yes, you probably wouldn't.

[1038] First of all, you wouldn't because you wouldn't want to put your cock in the pussy of a woman who's been practicing something like this.

[1039] Like, what is wrong with her?

[1040] She's not just practicing it.

[1041] She's entering contests.

[1042] It's not like she's at home and the privacy of her own home.

[1043] Okay, she's got some stuff stuck in her pussy, and she's dangling.

[1044] It's like a noodle or something.

[1045] So she's got it in between her legs.

[1046] Okay.

[1047] But, so she holds a world record for the amount of weight that she can carry.

[1048] I don't know if it's her.

[1049] Is this her?

[1050] It's all in Russia.

[1051] Oh, so now she's got an actual physical weight that she's hanging from her pussy.

[1052] This is insane.

[1053] Look at this.

[1054] She's picking up this heavy weight with her, was he?

[1055] Oh, my God.

[1056] Ain't nobody got time for this?

[1057] She's just letting you know that she will fuck the life out of you.

[1058] Yeah, don't come near me. She's just letting you know.

[1059] If she gets ahold of you with that super pussy, she's just going to lock on to you, and you're going to have to use 50, 60 pounds of force just to get away from her.

[1060] That's a fucking statement.

[1061] That's one you just try for anal first.

[1062] Go right to the ass.

[1063] Yeah, just go right to the ass.

[1064] Yeah, I just go right to the ass.

[1065] this better, and then we'll get to the pussy.

[1066] Could you imagine what kind of ass power she has?

[1067] And everyone has ass power.

[1068] People used to clenching in shits, holding in farts.

[1069] You know, that's a common thing.

[1070] But I don't know, how common is it for girls to actually work on tightening their pussy?

[1071] Have you had a girl ever squeeze her asshole muscle while you're in her asshole before?

[1072] No. It's cool.

[1073] No, I never did either.

[1074] Try it.

[1075] They were just mad I was in there.

[1076] They were clenching their fists.

[1077] It's weird.

[1078] I'm sure.

[1079] She's trying to shit you out.

[1080] She's trying to cut my...

[1081] It's an analogy for your whole life.

[1082] I went through this part where this girl was trying, I dated for a long period of time, it's mad at me. So for a month, she wouldn't let me have vagina sex.

[1083] I could only have butt sex.

[1084] And you think that sounds awesome.

[1085] But after like the third day, it's just awful.

[1086] But that was one thing that she would do all the time.

[1087] That was her punishment?

[1088] Yeah, it was a horrible punishment.

[1089] You think that's a great punishment?

[1090] That's a horrible punishment.

[1091] Why was it horrible?

[1092] Because you don't want to have sex more than three times.

[1093] You know, you're like, all right, I'm done.

[1094] I don't want this anyway.

[1095] So she was like.

[1096] Trying to play, like, some sort of psychological game?

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] Just give you the ass, and then you will never ask for the ass again?

[1099] Right.

[1100] Hmm.

[1101] That's the kind of girls that date Brian.

[1102] That's how they think.

[1103] Did it work?

[1104] Yeah, I don't like it anymore, man. It's horrible.

[1105] And then you do that squeezy thing.

[1106] You do that squeezy thing.

[1107] And it just feels like there's, like, something else in there.

[1108] It's just too tight.

[1109] It's too sharp corners.

[1110] It's like the Samsung edge.

[1111] How many girls do you think actually, like, work on that?

[1112] Do those keegles?

[1113] Is that a common thing?

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] Especially yoga girls.

[1116] Definitely.

[1117] Yoga girls?

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] Because they're just tightening in there, pussy all the time in yoga and there's like exercises you could do when you're just sitting you could also use those balls and stuff but dudes can do that too right that's those um for uh uh kamasutra you know the the different strategies of uh what's that type of uh what is that type of um tantric thank you where you're supposed to hold in your cum you're not supposed to have orgasms i edge all the time you have you ever edge it's supposed to like just hold hold hold you're supposed to keep it inside of you and if you can hold it tight enough apparently you internally orgasm internally I don't know what that means I guess you have the same feeling but it's more intense but you don't come so you're probably also an idiot by the time the third week rolls around all you're thinking about is how fucking horny you are everywhere you go like Jesus Christ because you haven't come in three four weeks it's a terrible idea that's what people used to do when they didn't have cable You know, they would practice different ways to hold in their come Just to make life more interesting Just hurry up and come and watch Game of Thrones Just get in there I'd rather let it just slide out for a second I go, oh, sorry, you know Give me a second, I think I heard someone's at the door So I could regroup I'm not going to hold it in Clench down That muscle's so weak Even if you lift weights Like you're gonna have like the best grip You give a guy a fucking manly handshake How are you, bud?

[1120] Nice to meet you You'd be a stud but that muscle that controls your dick every guy's got this weak just fucking lazy it gets tired and fatigued easy like you can clamp your jaw shut for a fucking hour you can fucking you clamp your dick try to squeeze down your dick for 20 seconds you're ready to black out it's just such a weak muscle like right now try to squeeze your dick muscle I can't keep doing it is no I have no endurance It's my dick squeeze muscle.

[1121] I wonder if you practice it, would it really get to a point where you could be like the male equivalent to that lady that carries bricks in her pussy?

[1122] What is this?

[1123] How men, how can men do kegill exercises?

[1124] Why would they do that?

[1125] Halfway through urination, try to stop or slow the flow of urine.

[1126] I've done, I can do that.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] That's possible, but it's not fun.

[1129] Don't tense the muscles in your buttocks, leg, or abdomen, and don't hold your breath.

[1130] When you can slow or stop the flow of urine, you've successfully located these muscles.

[1131] Okay, so don't tense the muscles in your buttocks, legs, or abdomen, and don't hold your breath.

[1132] Okay.

[1133] So you have to figure out how to stop the pee from the middle.

[1134] Like some, instead of like squeezing your butt, like if you had to stop peeing in the middle of peeing, you would clamp your butt shut, you would squeeze down your dick, and you would try to stop the stream.

[1135] What they're saying is don't tense the muscles in your butt, your legs, or your abdomen.

[1136] don't hold your breath, that you could actually just develop a squeeze that could stop pee from coming out without moving anything else but your dick muscles.

[1137] I can't believe we're talking about this.

[1138] Can you flick your dick up and hit your belly?

[1139] Like when it's hard, can you like flick it?

[1140] Are we going to ask really ridiculous questions that are stupid as fuck now?

[1141] But can you do that?

[1142] Can you move your dick?

[1143] Who knows, Brian?

[1144] No one's sitting around moving their dick.

[1145] You need hobbies.

[1146] What out your hands?

[1147] Yeah, just flick it up.

[1148] What?

[1149] You can't do it, yeah.

[1150] No, my balls weigh mine down, so it's not gonna go up.

[1151] Yeah, I could flick it.

[1152] I could just, like, sit there and just be like, if it's hard, I could just, like, flick my, and flip my stomach.

[1153] Everybody can do that, dude.

[1154] He just said he can't.

[1155] Well, I haven't really tried it, buddy.

[1156] He doesn't know what you're talking about, and it's so ridiculous.

[1157] He's like, I can whistle.

[1158] Like, remember when you're five and your friend first learned how to whistle?

[1159] I can whistle.

[1160] Can you whistle?

[1161] Everybody can fucking whistle.

[1162] All right, dude.

[1163] Yeah, I could smack my belly.

[1164] That would make a noise.

[1165] Every guy who has a hard on can do that.

[1166] If your dick gets hard, you tense it up.

[1167] It hits your stomach.

[1168] That's how it's designed.

[1169] You're like, my mouth shuts when I want to close my mouth.

[1170] I just do this.

[1171] I close it.

[1172] But you didn't even know how to do that.

[1173] Can you flip a grape in your mouth?

[1174] What?

[1175] You like flip it.

[1176] You put a grape on the head of your dick.

[1177] And then flip it up.

[1178] You do that.

[1179] I can do that.

[1180] You've never done that.

[1181] I've done that.

[1182] You've done that.

[1183] You put a grape on your dick and flipped it in your mouth.

[1184] I don't believe you.

[1185] No, I didn't get in my mouth.

[1186] I said try to flip it in your mouth.

[1187] How far does it go up?

[1188] First of all, I don't.

[1189] don't believe that at all because I believe that if you did start it and you got close to your mouth, you would keep flipping it into your face until you caught it in your mouth.

[1190] Are you just disagreeing with me?

[1191] So I'll show you.

[1192] No, Joe, I can do it.

[1193] Watch.

[1194] You put it on your helmet and flip it up.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] Did you get brain damage this weekend or something?

[1197] Totally.

[1198] It's not smoking.

[1199] For real.

[1200] Is there something wrong with you?

[1201] You seem like there's really something wrong with you today.

[1202] Really?

[1203] Yeah.

[1204] Your sentences are just so ridiculous.

[1205] Just because I'm very not smoking cigarettes.

[1206] I slip with a patch and I forgot to take off.

[1207] Yeah, you can't leave those on.

[1208] They kill you.

[1209] Those things give you heart attacks.

[1210] That's probably Throw that out though Don't leave that on my table You creep Is that real why That you can't sleep with it Because I've Yeah you're not supposed to sleep with them It's intense Isn't that true?

[1211] I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure you're supposed To take those off There's like a bunch of different rules To those things You can't have too many of them Like people have like four or five of them on And died You gotta be fucking careful You get at like Those patches like Especially they vary in strength You know You're supposed to wean yourself off To a lighter and lighter patch This is the lightest one It just seems fucked up to me The Nicorette gum makes the most sense.

[1212] It's the grossest.

[1213] You taste nicotine, and you want to, it makes me puke.

[1214] Like, I'll literally puke if I, if I have the nicotine gum or the mints.

[1215] It has, like, this weird nicotine taste that some people.

[1216] I like Mark Maren's strategy.

[1217] He just keeps chewing the nicotine gum.

[1218] He's been on the nicotine gum for like 10 years.

[1219] His boss is the same way, Rich Voss.

[1220] Yeah, he's been nicorette gum for years.

[1221] I think Marin's actually done with the gum now.

[1222] Is he?

[1223] I think he's completely free of it.

[1224] Good for him.

[1225] That's a hard fucking monkey to kick.

[1226] That cigarette monkey seems like, to me, out of all the things that I've seen people kick Cigarettes seems to be the toughest That's not the toughest, the consequences To going back on it, because if you see a guy He's got a heroin problem Then he kicks it and then he goes back on heroin He's all fucked up, his life's a mess But if you see a guy who kicks cigarettes and comes back He's just smoking a cigarette You know, he's like, ah, I quit for a little I couldn't fucking.

[1227] But he's still right there talking to you You know what I'm saying?

[1228] It's not like someone to quit something Like meth or something fucking crazy That ruins your life really quick cigarettes is a nice slow burn but if you take that out of it and you look at it objectively like how many people do you know that were former drug addicts a lot I know a lot a lot of dudes who had problems with drugs how many dudes do I know that had a problem with cigarettes and did successfully kick it not that many only a few I know a lot of people that struggle with that shit hardcore you you struggle with it hardcore Ari still says he gets cravings for it He kicked it a long fucking time ago.

[1229] Duncan still gets cravings.

[1230] He'll still have a cigarette every now and again.

[1231] Joey will allow himself a cigarette every now and again, which I think is super fucking dangerous.

[1232] Joey actually doesn't.

[1233] He always smoked his like e -cigarette things all the time?

[1234] Sometimes he does, but you remember back in the day he would allow himself a cigarette every now and then?

[1235] Fuck it.

[1236] Whatever.

[1237] I'm going to have a cigarette.

[1238] He's just sitting there smoking a cigarette.

[1239] But he had enough willpower to not go buy a pack and not keep going.

[1240] but um that seems to be like as hard a kick as anything because it seems to be like when people are like the heroin thing and like people have like severe pill problems like they look at those pill problems like fuck I hope those things don't get me again you know if they get off of them they look at them like fuck like that's these fucking pills man people don't look at cigarettes that way they look at it it's it's a much more casual thing because it kills you so slowly cigarettes though has killed coffee for me like right now this This coffee is horrible, and I used to love coffee.

[1241] I don't even want to drink this coffee now.

[1242] What are you talking about?

[1243] Just because the whole cigarette and coffee thing together is kind of made what coffee was in my head.

[1244] So now just this by itself, it's awful.

[1245] Plus, your taste buds are probably coming back now.

[1246] Without the smoke.

[1247] That's a big part of it, dude.

[1248] Your taste buds get really fucked up with cigarettes, apparently.

[1249] Yeah, I haven't noticed that.

[1250] I've just noticed zero energy.

[1251] Like, I can't stop sleeping right now.

[1252] Which is weird to me that, like, chefs would smoke cigarettes.

[1253] Like I don't understand that Like Anthony Bourdain used to smoke He quit It's the cigarette break Yeah but it's still Like if you're smoking cigarettes How do you know exactly what things taste like If it numbs your taste buds I don't know how accurate that really is Because I've quit before for like a year And I've never noticed anything with the taste Or the smells At least that drastic of something Hmm I think that's a pretty Commonly known thing I'm pretty sure that The taste buds come back All of a sudden food do you like you don't like anymore yeah i don't think i mean it probably varies i mean maybe it doesn't affect you the way it affects other people like you you think you have a pretty good sense of taste while you're smoking cigarettes i used to i i've noticed that my taste like i i i don't really taste things as much anymore but i'm old your taste butts are broken that doesn't make sense they start dying don't they when when you get older so we're self -diagnosing again we did this the other day i yeah i think that when you're smoking cigarettes i think it's killing all sorts of shit in your throat.

[1254] And the fact that it fucks with your taste buds, it's not surprising.

[1255] You're smoking your taste buds.

[1256] Your taste buds are in your mouth.

[1257] You're flooding your mouth with poisonous fucking smoke.

[1258] Do you still smoke?

[1259] No. I stopped like 25.

[1260] I smoked about seven years.

[1261] It's a hard one to quit.

[1262] One of the hardest ones to quit and way more common than all those other ones.

[1263] One like heroin or meth or it's way more common that people smoke cigarettes than do meth.

[1264] And I smoke for 25 years.

[1265] Yeah And you said you're up to I only smoked like eight cigarettes a day I wasn't a big smoke Where you said two packs I was up to two packs The last six months You were?

[1266] Yeah, that's why I quit Because I was like This is ridiculous I'm smoking two packs a day now And I would be like Why am I smoking so much And it was Why are you smoking so much Just I think all the crap That's happened Like the last six months So that's a lot of cigarettes Dude A stress So you stopped And now nothing Right Except this patch But no cigarettes at all For how long Seven days Whoa.

[1267] And what do they say you have to get over?

[1268] What's the hump?

[1269] They have like a list that's on the internet that shows you like, you know, from like day two and three of quitting, this happens.

[1270] And then a week.

[1271] And I think it's maybe three months that list goes to like.

[1272] And after the third month, you'll have 98 % less of a heart attack chance.

[1273] Really?

[1274] And you're going to grow better fingernails.

[1275] I forget what the list said, but it was involving taste and smells.

[1276] Are you really going to stick with it this time?

[1277] I don't know.

[1278] Wow, that's not a strong fucking...

[1279] I know.

[1280] That's not a definitive statement.

[1281] I'll tell you one thing, Joe, being at the comedy store has been really rough because that place, for some reason, you can still smoke on the patio and everywhere almost.

[1282] Well, because it's outside.

[1283] Yes.

[1284] Well, all the other bars, you can't even smoke on patios anymore, but I think because it's an old place.

[1285] Maybe you should shut the fuck up so they don't get raided.

[1286] No, they know.

[1287] But it's so much smoke.

[1288] Everyone smokes.

[1289] Right.

[1290] It's like...

[1291] And so you get secondhand smoke.

[1292] Well, I just can't stop thinking about it.

[1293] So when you go there now, what do you do?

[1294] I just, I'm just dead inside.

[1295] I don't know.

[1296] Oh, here's the thing.

[1297] Yeah, isn't that crazy?

[1298] After 20 minutes, your blood pressure drops to normal.

[1299] Pulse rate drops to normal.

[1300] Temperature in hands and feet increase to normal.

[1301] Eight hours.

[1302] Carbon monoxide levels and blood drops to normal.

[1303] Wow, it takes eight hours.

[1304] 48 hours, nerve endings, start regrowing.

[1305] Oh, my God.

[1306] Nerve endings.

[1307] Ability to smell and taste is enhanced.

[1308] It's just 48 hours outside of cigarettes.

[1309] See, there you go.

[1310] The 60s, doctors were saying cigarettes are good.

[1311] Take them, smoke them, doing commercials for them.

[1312] I think it was earlier than the 60s, but...

[1313] Maybe 50s, right?

[1314] It was in that J. Edgar Hoover movie.

[1315] In the J. Edgar Hoover movie, what's his name?

[1316] What the fuck's his name?

[1317] Leonardo Caprio is Jay Edgar Hoover.

[1318] And his mother is talking to him about the doctor prescribing cigarettes for him.

[1319] Like to man him up.

[1320] Doctors.

[1321] I don't do on commercials.

[1322] Yeah, you see the ads.

[1323] It's a good for you.

[1324] Smoke them.

[1325] Look at that five years.

[1326] Stroke risk reduced to that of a non -smoker.

[1327] Five years, though.

[1328] Still, though, that's great.

[1329] A risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, and esophagus is half that of a smoker.

[1330] In five years.

[1331] Just five years.

[1332] That's great.

[1333] In 10 years, pre -cancerous cells are replaced.

[1334] Lung cancer death rate is about half the rate of a smoker in 10 years.

[1335] Life expectancy, comparable to a non -smoker if you quit for 10 years.

[1336] That's beautiful.

[1337] Smoker or a non -smoker.

[1338] smoker that works at a paint factory yeah guys more way more fucked or black mold in a yeah in your people that work in like fucking plants and factories like especially back before they knew what killed you and what didn't kill you like there a lot of people got a fucking real bad deal like that they they found out about that asbestos because a bunch of dudes got cancer from asbestos you know from working on it they used to have that asbestos uh that remember that shit they used to use insulation yeah yeah for all the old houses yeah the houses were filled with cancer My buddy used to work on these old buildings in New York in the 80s, just as like a construction guy or whatever.

[1339] He needs a new lung now.

[1340] He's on a lung transplant list from all that shit just dumping shit in the garbage and destroying all, I'm ripping off walls and stuff like that.

[1341] Well, you know, Donna Summer died from lung cancer, I'm pretty sure, and she died because she lived near where the towers fell.

[1342] A lot of people that live where the towers fell, including a lot of the firemen, a lot of the people that rescued people, EMT officers, all the people that worked in that area, there's a lot of people who got sick.

[1343] And Donna Summer apparently lived, she had an apartment that was pretty close to that area.

[1344] And just the shit that was in the air, I mean, you can only imagine a giant fucking building.

[1345] That's what was it, 100 stories or something like that, collapses.

[1346] Another one collapses right next to it.

[1347] All the fucking dust and shit.

[1348] A building that's built in the early 70s, so I'm sure to use asbestos.

[1349] But then, of course, I was at the EPA or something that came in.

[1350] to like the third day, said the air quality's fine.

[1351] It's harmless.

[1352] And everybody just worked there and just hung out and did charity work.

[1353] And she was down there doing some helping move boxing, shit like that.

[1354] Because they're like, all right, I guess the air's okay.

[1355] All those first arrivers, all the people, like the EMT people and the fire people and a lot of those guys get sick.

[1356] A lot of cops got sick.

[1357] A lot of people that lived there that try to come back early, they got sick.

[1358] It just only makes sense.

[1359] I mean, you're not going to have spring fresh air when two enormous buildings fall.

[1360] So that just got declassified the other day.

[1361] Do you know if there's any new...

[1362] Some of it, but there's still a lot missing.

[1363] The 9 -11 reports?

[1364] What do you think happened?

[1365] I think exactly what they tell us.

[1366] Exactly what they tell us.

[1367] Pretty much.

[1368] Two dudes in box cutters, took over an airplane, flew it into the Twin Towers.

[1369] What do you think happened?

[1370] Pretty close.

[1371] I think most likely, almost exactly like they're telling us, except for well I think they capitalized on an event and I think that's why it looks like they set it up I think that's why one of the reasons why people have so much of a vested interest in like trying to prove some sort of a conspiracy with the government in 9 -11 is because there's so much profit that was made off those wars especially the war to Iraq that's forget about like what happened at 9 -11 and who caused that But it's the reaction to 9 -11.

[1372] That's the craziest thing ever.

[1373] The craziest thing is how we just decided to go to war with Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with it.

[1374] And then Halliburton's getting these billion -dollar contracts.

[1375] They're blowing shit up, left and right.

[1376] And, like, that's, that had nothing to do with 9 -11.

[1377] Like, there's, that's like someone in, like, Marina del Rey, you know, picking a fight with you, so you nuke Canada.

[1378] Like, yeah.

[1379] It's really that fucked up.

[1380] It doesn't make any sense at all.

[1381] They're totally different countries, totally unrelated, and that's the most fucked up thing about it is what they definitely did.

[1382] Like the idea that it was planned, that it was like they flew, that that's like so complicated.

[1383] Like, I don't know if they really are even capable of doing that.

[1384] I don't know if there's a group in the highest levels of government that's capable of hiring so many people to keep their mouth shut.

[1385] So many people to engineer this thing.

[1386] When you're going to fly planes in the buildings, are there people with box cutters?

[1387] Are there Saudi guys that are on those planes?

[1388] Are they a fucking hologram?

[1389] How do you cover all that?

[1390] How do you cover the news story?

[1391] How do you make sure that nobody keeps their mouth shut?

[1392] How do you make sure that no bad motherfucker on the plane doesn't chuck Norris these fucking terrorist dudes in the head and take over the plane?

[1393] How do you stop all that from happening?

[1394] Because it seems to me that like it would be a lot of fucking people would have to be involved.

[1395] And one person's going to talk, absolutely.

[1396] Someone's going to fucking talk.

[1397] If they wired that building for explosives, nobody saw him coming in.

[1398] There's no video of anybody.

[1399] And at 2 o 'clock in the morning, what about the janitor that mops up?

[1400] Didn't see some guys?

[1401] Because they say, you know, the way it came down, it had to be explosives inside.

[1402] Yeah, the one that's crazy is Tower 7.

[1403] That's the crazy one, because that was the one that wasn't hit by a plane.

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] But what freaks me out is not that they had to have explosives to detonate a building and make it collapse like that.

[1406] I don't buy that because I don't think we've ever seen a fucking building that.

[1407] big collapse.

[1408] Like, how do you know?

[1409] Once it starts going, like, first of all, what about the possibility that they used shitty engineering and terrible fucking concrete and the unions were involved and they fucking half -assed that giant building and it fell apart when a plane hit it?

[1410] That seems like the more likely scenario.

[1411] But that Tower 7 just goes like this.

[1412] That's the one that's the most crazy because it looks like an implosion.

[1413] But apparently it was on fire.

[1414] And apparently, you know, the entire building had like some sort of a underneath the basement they had some sort of a diesel generator so they had these giant drums of diesel and it all caught on fire so it was a raging inferno inside the building and some people think that compromised the steel and made it collapse like that but it looks like a fucking controlled demolition that's the one that really looks like it the twin towers look like the top fell off and the whole thing just exploded from the weight and when you see all those buildings that are shooting out that they say is reminiscent of explosions?

[1415] Yes, but you know that the top of the building is coming down and crushing all those floors.

[1416] That's how the thing is getting crushed, right?

[1417] What is that?

[1418] That's pressure.

[1419] What happens when you have pressure?

[1420] Windows explode.

[1421] That's, everyone knows that.

[1422] So if you slow something down and you're showing these windows exploding because the top is collapsing in the building and you're saying that's evidence of bombs, no, it's not.

[1423] No, it's not.

[1424] It's the evidence of explosions that are happening because of compression.

[1425] there's a lot of things going on in that building that building is fucking collapsing it's fucking billions of pounds of metal and concrete and it's all falling apart like you're looking at these little slow motion things and saying that's definitely bombs it's not definitely bombs it could be bombs it's not definitely bombs though it's more likely that that fucking building's falling apart supposedly when they built it they had it where it was going to come straight down if it was ever out of a hurricane or something like that in an earthquake yeah that's what I remember seeing a documentary on the trade center is getting built in case they didn't want to just fall over and wipe out six streets that is smart if you think about it like that in case some scum kind of you know like yeah a big hurricane or an earthquake came it would just wipe out you know a bunch of blocks that they built it like that that would fall straight down like that i don't know how they did it but i mean that's that's what they said in a document the guys who fuck i would like to see that documentary because could you imagine if that plane slamming into the building caused that design to kick into effect and that's why it collapsed either way man that's the only time in our lives and in the history of the continental United States it's been attacked you know that's one of the most fucked up things about us in comparison to the rest of the world everybody's been attacked a fucking million times I mean just look at all the shit that's happened in Mexico just in Mexico just fucking Cortez coming over here and killing like a fucking million people all the the crazy Aztecs that were killing I mean, there's a lot of attacks and invasions and shit happen just in Mexico.

[1426] Germany's been fucking attacked.

[1427] Russia's been attacked.

[1428] Everybody's been attacked.

[1429] England's been hit with bombs from the Nazis.

[1430] Everybody got attacked.

[1431] There's spots in France that are so fucked up to this day that you can't go in them for like 100 ,000 years.

[1432] They have like a red zone where they have this fenced up zone in France.

[1433] Really?

[1434] All from the munitions.

[1435] All from unexploded munitions and the toxins.

[1436] Just from World War II.

[1437] dude it's nuts pull up that article too because it just was a recent article photos of france's red zone it was amazing i sent it to dan carlin who's this guy who has his podcast called hardcore history and he's got this insane series on world war one and how fucked up world war one was and this is a part of that like this this all these munitions and all this bomb shit it's a it's an area the size of paris and you can't even go near it wow do you find it check this shit out it's fucking nuts, man. This is all from the war, and it's, well, this is like, there's, there's really good pictures of the actual place.

[1438] Fallap.

[1439] What's that?

[1440] Yeah, right?

[1441] It looks like a zombie movie.

[1442] Yeah.

[1443] You can't go anywhere near it.

[1444] There's like a fence, and then inside that fence, it's fucking no man's land.

[1445] You just can't get in there.

[1446] They bombed that place literally to hell.

[1447] And they had all these, look at that.

[1448] There's all the shit they're finding there.

[1449] They have these animals that live there and they did tests on the animals like the wild hogs and they were filled with toxins all these horrible fucking chemicals from these explosives and what did explode and what leaked into the soil and they used gas and I mean this is a nutty fucking time look at all the fucking bombs they found just laying in a field that was when war was war man this Dan Carlin thing if you don't know anything about World War I didn't know shit about World War I World War I. This Dan Carlin piece that he's got right now, it's amazing.

[1450] If you've never listened to Hardcore History, it's the best podcast on history.

[1451] Yeah.

[1452] It's amazing.

[1453] And he's got this incredible piece on World War I that he just finished.

[1454] I think the last episode he just released.

[1455] What a fucking nutty time, dude.

[1456] That was just a hundred years ago.

[1457] These people were fighting in trenches and shooting at each other from over.

[1458] the hills what's really crazy is they these people in world war one in particular they were still wearing like the brightly colored outfits that people wore in the 1800s they were wearing like their grandfather's battle battle outfits they had outfits that were essentially like targets like white gloves and white hats and they didn't have any helmets and they were walking it all walk just walk just walk in and fucking shoot at people and then people would shoot back and they dig a hole and cry and scream and that's how they did war fucking nuts man and if it wasn't for them we wouldn't be here Salute God bless those fine warriors God bless fucked right God bless the troops how fucked is that that just a hundred years ago was how they did war this piece is the hardcore history thing he talks about the Germans inventing these new guns that were so powerful they used to have to plug up their ears they plug up their nose they would back up 300 yards and when the thing went off you still had to have your mouth open or it'll blow out your eardrums so they're packing their nose they're packing their ears they're plugging up everything and you still have to have your mouth open when it goes off 300 yards away from you because the reverberation the sound is so powerful that it literally will blow your ear drums open and so they were shooting these fucking Volkswagen bus size bullets at the people on the other side.

[1459] I forget who they were shooting them out.

[1460] I forget which country it was.

[1461] They first used it on.

[1462] But they would just obliterate with one bullet.

[1463] It would obliterate like 70 people.

[1464] One bullet would just take out 70 people.

[1465] And they were like, what the fuck?

[1466] Before then, it was like bullets.

[1467] One of the time.

[1468] Pchon.

[1469] You shit at me. I shoot at you.

[1470] Vive la France.

[1471] And you'd fucking run out there.

[1472] And then the Germans took shit to the next level.

[1473] They had this huge gun that they used to have like tanks.

[1474] would pull it and I mean it was enormous you're talking about this huge cannon of a weapon and then they had to figure out the distance like they had to figure it out but like they would launch one bullet figure out where you were and they would lower the gun a little launch a second bullet there's nothing you could do couldn't get away this thing is shooting you from miles away were you watching that Dallas footage the other night the uh what you mean the gunman no I heard briefly about it what happened some guy went nutty and shot at the cops yeah he got a armored car or van off of uh looks like ebay somebody found the the auction listing uh and it was just completely armored and he was just shooting and stuff but one crazy thing is if you jammy if you look at my twitter i i posted this video of a of a guy named scuda underscore juice man and he he was filming on the street when this was happening the guy and the armored car was just shooting at cops hitting cop cars and stuff like that and he had planted all these pipe bombs throughout city it was like grand theft auto it was nuts but this guy was shooting like filming it and a bullet you can hear whizz right by his head was go like that it is so intense oh my god fuck that so do you remember that north hollywood shootout yeah yeah i was here for that yeah that's we were on the set of news radio and we all huddled up in the in the break room and watched it on television we're like what the fuck watching these two dudes with full armor on machine guns and shit just fucking gunning down cops.

[1475] Did you remember that?

[1476] That wasn't the scene that they kind of recreated from the movie Heat.

[1477] Yeah, that was the inspiration of it.

[1478] Holy shit.

[1479] Yeah, that really happened.

[1480] It was called the North Hollywood Shootout.

[1481] Two just maniacs.

[1482] Two crazy dudes, all fucked up on drugs, out of their mind, and just armed to the dick.

[1483] Just their trunk was stuff.

[1484] And cops had like regular service revolvers.

[1485] And they're like, what am I going to do with a fucking nine millimeter against these?

[1486] I mean, what's going on here?

[1487] We're so undergunned.

[1488] so um i think they changed a shitload of laws after that too about like how much machine guns you could have right what happens when you start stockpiling that kind of ammo and bulletproof vest and shit so that was pretty much kind of the scene from that movie heat yeah i think that that was the inspiration for it yeah is this uh the new one that's another one's the old one no ho shoot out oh this is north hollwood yeah okay so these dudes they have full -on bulletproof vests The whole deal they're like wearing military garb and then they they have the trunk open and inside the car.

[1489] It's all guns.

[1490] It's all guns and bullets.

[1491] And this dude is like he's all armored essentially.

[1492] And so he's shooting at these cops and, you know, the cops are fucked.

[1493] They're they're hiding.

[1494] They're waiting for backup.

[1495] But it was it was really scary because these guys are kind of idiots.

[1496] And it makes you think like if someone who really knew it.

[1497] the fuck they were doing, like some real tactical guys, some seals or something like that.

[1498] They went nutty and decided to do this.

[1499] You wouldn't need a large group in order to shut entire city down.

[1500] My friend Justin talks about this all the time, because he knows, like, a lot of people in special ops and all those.

[1501] He's kind of a, he would call himself a firearms enthusiast.

[1502] I call him a gun nut.

[1503] He's definitely a gun nut.

[1504] But if you had a bunch of dudes that were, like, really good at killing people like, this and you just brought in 20 of them they shut an entire city down absolutely where was this just on hollywood boulevard no this is in north hollywood what's happening here how come we're not seeing anybody shooting at anybody yet these guys are lazy come on man okay here he goes so now they're he's just running and shooting at cops i love these it's wolf blitzer reporting on the news Oh, that's not Wolf Blitzer.

[1505] Sounds a little wolfish.

[1506] Yeah, he definitely does.

[1507] Is that as...

[1508] I'm quite erratically, possibly a wounded suspect at this point.

[1509] And we're keeping an eye on this right now.

[1510] Let me just take a quick look back over to the right as this situation unfold.

[1511] Yeah, I think that's...

[1512] That's the guy who got shot.

[1513] Yeah, I think so.

[1514] Yeah, I think that guy's dead, right?

[1515] Yeah, I think that's why he's rolling or he's hurt.

[1516] I forget what happened, but I remember the cops let him bleed out, and people were saying that, uh, It was cruel that the cops didn't call the ambulances and have this guy taken care of, and risk their own lives to do so to get this guy to...

[1517] Oh, wait.

[1518] Well, he just took off.

[1519] He stapled this thing shut, like Keanu Reeves and that John Wick movie.

[1520] Yeah.

[1521] Oh, yeah.

[1522] Did you see that movie?

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] It's a fucking good movie, man. I watched it on a plane coming back from Mexico this weekend.

[1525] It's a fucking badass movie.

[1526] Did you see Lost Road yet?

[1527] No, that was the best, like, as far as, like, action movie.

[1528] That was the best action movie.

[1529] seen in a long time.

[1530] It was badass.

[1531] What's it called?

[1532] John Wick.

[1533] Yeah, it's kind of a matrix -y.

[1534] It was pretty good.

[1535] Well, it's not about the Matrixe at all.

[1536] It's about his hitman, who these Russian mobsters fuck with them, and he decides to go after them and kill them all.

[1537] It's just the gratuitous violence level is off the fucking chain.

[1538] I got to check it out.

[1539] I love that shit.

[1540] The amount of murders that Keanu Reeves does in this movie, it's insane.

[1541] I mean, I've never seen a guy to kill more people in a movie, and do it.

[1542] It was fun to watch.

[1543] Like, the way he was doing it was badass.

[1544] It was almost believable.

[1545] You know, like, the way they had it set up, everything was like really tight quarters.

[1546] It wasn't like a retard wagon train where they have a bunch of guys coming out.

[1547] I mean, somehow I know that he managed to survive.

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] You kind of buy it pretty much every step of the way.

[1550] Like, you know there's not a real person who's that accurate with a gun.

[1551] But if there's a video game, you know, this could be possible.

[1552] There was no scene where you go.

[1553] How was he going to get out of this?

[1554] It was one.

[1555] There was one.

[1556] They kind of gave you a way out.

[1557] It kind of made sense.

[1558] Good night.

[1559] Good enough.

[1560] Because the gratuitous violence and the action scenes really make you want to go be a hitman.

[1561] You want to just go fuck people up.

[1562] It's a fun movie.

[1563] It's a wild fucking movie.

[1564] I heard that Jurassic Park movie sucked.

[1565] I heard it was okay, yeah.

[1566] But it looks good.

[1567] I'm sure it's true.

[1568] I heard it was dumb.

[1569] Do you see it?

[1570] Yeah, I saw it.

[1571] It's really fun.

[1572] It's a fun action movie.

[1573] What's the last thing you don't like?

[1574] I see plenty of movies I don't like.

[1575] Pitch perfect, too.

[1576] Loves it.

[1577] I haven't seen them.

[1578] Loved it.

[1579] Five thumbs up.

[1580] No, I didn't.

[1581] I heard it was enjoyable, but I wanted to say, you were talking about the Twin Towers.

[1582] Before the Jurassic World movie, because it's in 3D IMAX, they showed the trailer for this new movie with Jason Joseph Gordon -Levitt about this French tightrope walker that went between the Twin Towers and the 70s, and they recreated 1974 Manhattan, recreated the Twin Towers, and it looked awesome.

[1583] It freaked the shit out of you.

[1584] I'll show you a picture.

[1585] Really?

[1586] Is it all CGI?

[1587] Oh, my.

[1588] My goodness.

[1589] It's like gravity -esque kind of recreation of this whole scenario.

[1590] Just the way the trailer starts out, I want to ruin it for you even now.

[1591] You need to see it an IMAX because it was awesome.

[1592] I know, I need to see it right now.

[1593] Do you have it?

[1594] Yeah, show that shit.

[1595] Fuck an IMAX.

[1596] Well, but it's 3D as well in the theater.

[1597] That's quite all right.

[1598] All right.

[1599] I can get the idea.

[1600] This is insane.

[1601] It's so cool what they can do right now with CGI.

[1602] Unless that's on a window washer's cart.

[1603] but he's shooting it up to the top the trade center it's gone right yeah good point this is all fake it's amazing come on that's incredible that's all fake oh my god my fucking heart hurts that view is insane oh my god I'm literally freaking out my hands are sweating my toes won't stop twitching he's cute so he's standing on top of the Twin Tower and you get to see what the fucking drop looks like and Homeboy is now standing on an eye beam that's poking out over the edge.

[1604] I don't think I can watch this.

[1605] Can you imagine this in 3D?

[1606] Oh my God I can't even imagine what I'm seeing with my own face.

[1607] This man his balance is amazing.

[1608] Oh, is it?

[1609] Jesus Christ, boy.

[1610] I'm having a really hard time watching this.

[1611] Fuck.

[1612] That has to be like one of the freakiest.

[1613] Oh, you son of a bitch.

[1614] He's standing on one foot.

[1615] What do you?

[1616] A yoga master?

[1617] I think it's Kegles.

[1618] Oh my God, in 3D.

[1619] And IMAX 3D.

[1620] Oh, that's good.

[1621] Wow, what a trailer.

[1622] The walk.

[1623] How crazy is that that we give a fuck that he does that?

[1624] That he does that?

[1625] I mean, if he walked a tight, rope and that type rope was six inches off the ground you would not give a shit no one would say it sweaty palms but because he is a hundred stories up you know that he's fighting every single instinct every natural instinct the body has to get the fuck away from danger now this isn't the french guy is it that because they did documentary a few years ago back okay it's the same movie yeah it was a documentary about this guy that had the footage of him from afar but i didn't watch that recent one with the family.

[1626] The family were the one guy with the Wellendas.

[1627] Is that what they are?

[1628] One of them died and they still do it like the mother and the son did it and they passed each other on the rope.

[1629] What the fuck, man?

[1630] You know, I mean, what kind of a way to make a living is that?

[1631] I know.

[1632] I'd be pissed of my dad if that's what he did.

[1633] No, I got to follow in your footsteps.

[1634] How good do you think you could get?

[1635] Do you ever think you could get good enough?

[1636] Like maybe it's just us.

[1637] Maybe we look at that and go, look, man, it ain't hard.

[1638] It's just we don't know how to do it.

[1639] You know what I mean?

[1640] Right.

[1641] Like, if you got really good, can you get good enough to a point where you could walk on one of those things with 100 % certainty that you're not going to fall?

[1642] Is that possible?

[1643] Because look, if I made you a road across the Grand Canyon, but the road was only as wide as this table, I could walk it.

[1644] I would not like it.

[1645] I'd freak out the entire way.

[1646] I'd try to stay calm.

[1647] But if there's no wind and I knew that the road was as wide as his table, I'm 100 confident that I'd be able to suck it up and make it to the other side when I got to the other side I'd probably be like what the fuck I'd probably be freaking out how long you think it would take you I don't know how far the walk is how far as the walk I wouldn't rush it I'll tell you that'd be a couple hours I wouldn't rush it yeah you wouldn't walk fast like no I would not no I would be fucking I would do it as a meditation I would try to concentrate entirely on my breath in each footstep and just keep my balance good and stay calm but a table like I could get in this fucking table right now, and I'll tell you right now, I'll never fall.

[1648] I will never fall standing up on this table, unless I slip on something.

[1649] You know what I'm saying?

[1650] But if I'm standing on this table right now, there's no way.

[1651] This is a flat thing.

[1652] It's very wide.

[1653] I'd be fine.

[1654] And I could walk across the table with what certainty?

[1655] A hundred percent certainty, unless there's something really wrong with my body or I'm that fucking drunk.

[1656] If I had a gamble, I would be 100 percent certain that I could walk across the length of this table.

[1657] But if you made it a mile along and you put it over the Grand Canyon that's where shit gets weird you think you'd have to sit down at some point because you're like freaking out maybe but the point is that anybody can walk on this fucking table we all know how to walk right do you think you could get good enough at walking on a tightrope that it's almost like this table you know as far as like the probabilities but someone can right i mean there has to be someone out there like if you watch those cert to so lay fuckers they can do shit that doesn't seem like you'd be able to do it they can do stuff with their bodies He was like, I saw one guy, and he was pressing one guy.

[1658] The other guy was doing a handstand with one hand holding this guy's hand.

[1659] So this guy's got a hand, and another guy's doing a handstand, or maybe they were using two hands, and they were holding, and the guy was doing a handstand on the other guy's hands.

[1660] They're standing up.

[1661] It's fucking ridiculous.

[1662] Who the fuck do you know that you can do that?

[1663] Does anybody know anybody that can do that?

[1664] No. Unless you know a Cirque de Soleil dude or a Cirque de Soleil gal.

[1665] But even they fuck up every now and then.

[1666] Like one dropped at the MGM, a couple of.

[1667] years ago, right, wasn't it?

[1668] It's super risky.

[1669] You ever watch that, Surve's Sawyer?

[1670] Yeah, I've seen it.

[1671] I just went to, like, a local circus in the middle of a field.

[1672] I took my son last week, and these people are with no wires and shit like that.

[1673] What the fuck are they doing?

[1674] They're earning, son.

[1675] Yeah, what did it get?

[1676] There's like a hundred of a minute.

[1677] There's only, like, 30 people in the crowd.

[1678] I'm like, what are these people getting paid?

[1679] Yeah.

[1680] They're doing two shows.

[1681] The next show has, like, 100 people going from town to town, and they're swinging off these ropes.

[1682] I'm like, It's a weird Make a living man But that was like The Carney was like There was a classic character In like movies and stories And most people knew About the traveling people That would go from town to town And these carnival They set up carnivals They're all dangerous and shit And Carnies I mean that's a classic description Right That's kind of fucked up And these guys looked at The guys that worked at They all did right Yeah even Yeah, even last week, they looked creepy.

[1683] Well, you remember those fucking machines they would set up?

[1684] Like, we, they had carnivals in Massachusetts.

[1685] We would go to these local places.

[1686] You know, they'd be set up seasonally and something like that.

[1687] And you'd go down there, they'd have fried dough.

[1688] You know that fried dough with the fucking, the, um, powdered sugar on it?

[1689] What's that called?

[1690] Waffle?

[1691] No. Waffle cakes.

[1692] Funnel cakes.

[1693] Funnel cakes.

[1694] Funnel cakes.

[1695] Elephinear.

[1696] Funnel cake.

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, something, a fucking Italian name for it.

[1699] I just had one today, Bambolino or something like that.

[1700] That's not it.

[1701] It starts with a Z. But anyway, the point being, this fried dough, these stands and then they'd have these ridiculous carousels.

[1702] Like, what kind of an asshole do you have to be to get on that and risk your life on this fucking contraption that's put together by these guys?

[1703] You know, what kind of regulations do they had for carnivals back then?

[1704] Yeah, there's not an inspector coming in every day when they're setting it up to make sure it's safe in a little town that they're in.

[1705] It's just such a weird, like, common thing.

[1706] It's a common thing.

[1707] Carnivals are common.

[1708] Everybody knows about carnivals.

[1709] But to have that kind of a show go travel from town to town, set up, put up tents, put on little weird shows, try to get everybody's money, and then get the fuck out of dodge.

[1710] Move on to the next place.

[1711] All jaded and weird.

[1712] Yeah, because every move you make, for $2 ,000, you could sit two rows up.

[1713] Another dollar over here, ride the camel me, my son rode the camel for seven bucks a piece.

[1714] He wrote a camel.

[1715] Yeah, we wrote a camel together.

[1716] He rode the elephant for nine.

[1717] That was nine and stuff.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] Have they have elephants?

[1720] Program for two bucks.

[1721] That's a fucked up thing.

[1722] The circus animals.

[1723] Like, you ever see the one with the bear and the monkey?

[1724] Where there's a trained bear and a monkey, and they're riding bikes together?

[1725] Never seen that?

[1726] No, I haven't seen it.

[1727] It's pretty funny.

[1728] Did you see that?

[1729] It's pretty fucked up.

[1730] The bear crashes into the monkey.

[1731] The monkey falls.

[1732] The bear crashes into him.

[1733] and the bear decides the monkey's asshole so he kills him in front of everybody because he was in pain and he associated the pain with this monkey fucking up I think he might have thought the monkey attacked him like that's why he fell like this might have thought like the monkey was attacking him so he mauls this monkey in front of everybody and they're trying to get him off the monkey he's a fucking giant train grizzly bear just like it's such a it's such a hilarious video it's horrible but it's also hilarious Like what the fuck is wrong with people?

[1734] You got a train bear and a trained monkey Look at this.

[1735] They're riding a bike together.

[1736] I mean that is a real fucking bear.

[1737] Okay, that's a real bear.

[1738] Now look This guy falls down the bear falls the bear knocks into this guy and so he he gets back on is that it already?

[1739] Yeah, it's just right to it.

[1740] Oh my gosh.

[1741] I missed it then.

[1742] I fucked up.

[1743] I didn't see where the monkey hit him.

[1744] I was too busy laughing crazy that people think it's okay to get a bear to ride a fucking bicycle with a monkey.

[1745] So, okay, so there's a monkey in front of them and the bear's behind them.

[1746] Okay, I sit it and see, because the guy got in the way, right here.

[1747] Boom, the guy kind of fucked up, and the bear runs over the monkey and just decides to mall them.

[1748] Fuck this, riding bike sucks, I'm a bear.

[1749] And these guys, they can't do shit about it.

[1750] They're watching him tear this fucking monkey apart.

[1751] There's nothing they could do.

[1752] And then they realized, like, Jesus Christ, we're working with a bear.

[1753] You know, you thought of him as Hank, your co -worker.

[1754] This is my buddy Hank.

[1755] You know, oh, Hank's a murderer.

[1756] Hank's a fucking murderer.

[1757] No, no, he's a good guy.

[1758] It's a good guy unless he crashes into you with a bike.

[1759] He just eats you in front of crowds.

[1760] It reminds you at Dice had a famous bit about Siegfried and Roy.

[1761] He's like, you know, people just bought those tickets every night.

[1762] I go, tonight could be the night.

[1763] They don't have a one of those anymore.

[1764] They don't have a Sigfried and Roy type act anymore.

[1765] I can't think of one famous thing in Vegas like that.

[1766] They still have the lions, apparently, at the MGM.

[1767] The MGM has lions and the barrage has dolphins.

[1768] It's kind of fucked.

[1769] Didn't they take that exhibit of the lion exhibit out of the...

[1770] I don't know.

[1771] Did they?

[1772] Yeah, I don't remember seeing it anymore.

[1773] Did they?

[1774] They took it out?

[1775] That's good.

[1776] I went to it a long time ago, and I was like, what in the fuck?

[1777] Didn't one of them get attacked in there?

[1778] Yes, one of the trainers got attacked.

[1779] Yeah, there's a video of that.

[1780] I saw that.

[1781] but the idea that you could have a fucking casino in Vegas and inside this glass box is these poor tigers or lions rather they're getting tortured and they're looking at these people walking around staring at them that's way more unnatural than a zoo plus cigarette smoke cigarettes drinking screaming yeah that's a fucked up place for a lion why do people have lions in the back of their Lamborghinis is that a real thing that people do You're talking about that dude who's driving the AMG Mercedes, and he has a leopard in his front seat.

[1782] Was it a cheetah?

[1783] I think it was a cheetah, actually.

[1784] Why do they do that?

[1785] They do that because why did Mike Tyson buy a tiger?

[1786] Why did Mike Tyson own those crazy animals?

[1787] There's a documentary on it that's really good.

[1788] It's called The Elephant in a Living Room, and it's all about people that keep these crazy exotic pets.

[1789] This one guy that had lions and the lions lived in a small box cart.

[1790] Look at that.

[1791] Where's this guy live?

[1792] Oh, Persian golf it says.

[1793] Ah, Persians.

[1794] Look at him.

[1795] He's the most gangster.

[1796] He's hanging out with, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[1797] Scroll up.

[1798] He's hanging out with the lions and they're covered in blood.

[1799] What the fuck are they covered in blood from?

[1800] There's a dead animal right there.

[1801] Oh, Jesus.

[1802] So he would give them that, wow, they killed that thing.

[1803] So he gave them a calf.

[1804] They maw the calf.

[1805] And he comes in and sits next to the body and hangs out with them.

[1806] Oh my god.

[1807] Like a shark.

[1808] They gave him a shark to kill.

[1809] Hmm.

[1810] This guy seems awesome.

[1811] Well, there's always going to be people like this.

[1812] Whenever there's billions of dollars out there, look at that.

[1813] The guy's on a Mercedes, an AMG Mercedes, and he's standing on the roof, which is an asshole thing to do, and he's feeding his lion who is on the hood of the car.

[1814] And his friend is like, you've got to be fucking kidding me, man. This is going to be the best YouTube video.

[1815] This guy's nuts.

[1816] This seems like one dude.

[1817] So is he, like, training these lions?

[1818] I think he's just a badass.

[1819] He probably fucks them.

[1820] That's his Instagram account?

[1821] That's hilarious.

[1822] He's got money.

[1823] Look at that fucking one on the top.

[1824] Hold on.

[1825] Go back to that one.

[1826] Look at that shit.

[1827] That is so crazy.

[1828] Get off my car.

[1829] He's on his knees, like on his toes, bent down, like a rapper.

[1830] Look if he was playing dice or something.

[1831] And right next to him is a lion, and he's on a Mercedes.

[1832] That's got to be his dating profile For his whatever online service he's on Tinder or whatever That's his dating profile Me, I love nature And Mercedes -Benz Pitch's be sucking my dick, yo That's such a ridiculous photo What is, you know How's a guy like that Live in this world?

[1833] It's just I love that If you're going to have people that are flashy In any way, you're always going to have that one person It takes flashiness to the most fucked up place so like whenever you have a house that's like the most the huge just like what was the one that we were looking at the other day that was in belair that was 50 but that was after the show was over right we yeah 500 million dollars in belair and the the previous most expensive one sold in belair was like a hundred million dollars right what the fuck really like how come you don't retire why do you have a 500 million dollar house that's ridiculous that's cool So, yeah, this guy's a fucking thing.

[1834] It's got a hooker pool.

[1835] So this was, Dale, the guy was in Dubai.

[1836] Yeah, yeah.

[1837] Yeah, so, you know, all these Russian chicks, European chicks go over to Dubai, trying to find rich guys.

[1838] Oh, yeah.

[1839] Yeah, when we were, I was in Abu Dhabi for the UFC, and a bunch of the guys went to Dubai just to see what it was like and go get some food and shit.

[1840] And they said that they walked into a bar, they had no idea.

[1841] And it was literally all Russian hookers, the entire bar.

[1842] They were like, dude, I think this is a hooker bar.

[1843] Like, there was all Russian hookers waiting for guys to show up, and they got there, and I say Russian, but, you know, Middle East or Eastern Bloc country type accents, and they were like, I've never seen anything like it.

[1844] Like, there's so much money there, apparently, that they just, that's just where they go.

[1845] They know that rich people are coming in to vacation, and they have certain spots where they can just find these Russian broads.

[1846] And there's also a bunch that come over from Eastern Europe, and they just try to find American men that move to America.

[1847] Did you ever think about doing that?

[1848] Absolutely.

[1849] Yeah.

[1850] So have a nice tent from Siberia.

[1851] Yeah, I mean, I got some bedrooms in my house.

[1852] Yeah.

[1853] Come on, stay.

[1854] Stay around.

[1855] Get your green card.

[1856] I have had friends who bring them back to the hotel like, oh yeah, you know, I got two mansions.

[1857] I live here, live here, you know, then bang them and then try to get rid of them.

[1858] After it, they got nothing.

[1859] Eventually, if they keep doing that, though, they'll find a guy.

[1860] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[1861] But Dubai is really weird Like that's where if you kiss someone in public You get thrown in jail and stuff like that So you really got to do it You can't do it in the bar You can't even do it Until you get back to in the hotel room Behind closed door Well there was a woman who got caught with melatonin She got caught with melatonin Which is a natural supplement that helps you go to sleep And they locked her in fucking jail She was an executive At I think Endemol Like one of those production companies And it was another lady Or another guy rather That got arrested for having some prescription medication that's illegal there but not illegal in the UK where he lived and so he had some prescription medication that he travels with that he has to take and his doctor prescribes it and they fucking locked him right in jail they took his took his medication away from him and threw him in a box yeah it was a rapper too going over because they do a lot of concerts over there rapper had some I think he had some marijuana on just a little he got thrown in jail for two Carrie Bradshaw she kissed that guy on the beach and got arrested and sex in the city too I did not say see that.

[1862] Is that a movie?

[1863] They had more than one movie?

[1864] No, I did not.

[1865] We talked about it.

[1866] Sex and the City, too?

[1867] Yeah.

[1868] No, we definitely did not talk about it.

[1869] I never said I saw Sex and the City too.

[1870] She kissed Mr. Big on the beach and they got in trouble.

[1871] I definitely didn't see it.

[1872] I watched some of the previews, I think.

[1873] We might have mocked it, but we never talked about me seeing it.

[1874] Oh, I wasn't allowed to talk about it.

[1875] There was actually a second one?

[1876] If I saw it, I would talk about it.

[1877] You liked You are so retarded You really should go to a doctor I think the patch did something to him Yeah, something wrong with your brain Like half your sentences today are so goofy That's ridiculous That's exactly what you're just saying It's like you're off I could feel it Oh yeah, I miss cigarettes totally Are you gonna make it?

[1878] You're so weak No, I'll make it Just mad up I'm hungry right now I'm not normally hungry and so it's like weird that that's something that they say like that's a big one with cigarette smokers that the appetite suppress an aspect of it it's 100 % like I've never wanted to eat like at one in the after or what two in the afternoon or whatever and I well you got to replace it with something else you obviously have an addiction so you got to get a new healthy addiction that's what you're going to do yeah start calling it a jam or something yeah been drinking jama juice lately though that's good fruit juices to start that's not bad the the problem with jama juice not jama juice but like a lot of those places you think you're getting i'm going to have a smoothie the amount of sugar that's in those smoothies it's a lot of it is juice and really when you have an orange you're supposed to eat an orange like orange juice is kind of an unnatural way to get orange stuff you know to have this such a concentrated amount like when you you're drinking orange juice the way that it comes into your body body's like how the fuck did you get this like this like how come it's not in the orange why are you not chewing fiber How come this isn't attached to the pulp and all that other stuff?

[1879] Like, how'd you do this?

[1880] And you're just pouring it right in your bloodstream.

[1881] It's just basically like sugar water.

[1882] It's better for you, like fresh squeeze, a lot of vitamins in it and stuff.

[1883] But it's a lot of sugar.

[1884] Like, a lot of calories and fruit juices.

[1885] Yeah.

[1886] Try to fresh juice.

[1887] I'm going to make it right there.

[1888] Don't give him advice for food.

[1889] He's not going to take it anywhere.

[1890] I used to juice.

[1891] He's already thinking about the cigarette he's going to have his car on the way home.

[1892] He's going to stop at the gas station and like, fuck it man I wish just crash this motherfucker right into the beach it's in Florentine what are you doing out in LA what's going on got anything happening yeah what are you doing just you know usual meetings what I tell you great oh those are the best yeah we're gonna put you in a movie and we got a part for you Adam Sandler will probably call you tomorrow at home and then you never hear from again you know one of those sometimes those pan out yeah once in a while they do actually so that's what you're out here for I'm going to do some stand -up shows.

[1893] I think you're going to do a show with us.

[1894] We're doing together at the Comedy Store.

[1895] And, Brian, you're doing that show, too, right?

[1896] And Joey Diaz just got added to it.

[1897] Oh, Jesus, Lord.

[1898] Jesus.

[1899] And that's a belly -room show, too, folks, so don't sleep.

[1900] It's only supposed to seat 70 people.

[1901] It's probably already sold out.

[1902] Yeah, it probably is.

[1903] But it's, they really jam like 90 in there, right?

[1904] I think, somewhere in there.

[1905] Yeah, sure.

[1906] Somewhere in there.

[1907] Maybe.

[1908] Fire Marshal doesn't know.

[1909] Apparently, you're supposed to get 57.

[1910] 57.

[1911] I love that room, the belly room.

[1912] It's fucking.

[1913] I got to go there tonight and check to make sure the sound system's still there because it wasn't working last night.

[1914] I think they might have blown their new speakers up there.

[1915] Oh, no. Anybody can use it, right?

[1916] People that are...

[1917] Unfortunately, yeah.

[1918] There's not a sound guy up in there.

[1919] It's kind of like most comedy clubs you usually have a sound guy that takes care of the soundboard and everything.

[1920] In the belly room, it's kind of like whoever's running the show kind of takes over the soundboard, which is a horrible idea.

[1921] So you guys put in a new soundboard to kill Tony, the one episode.

[1922] You guys raise money.

[1923] No, I did.

[1924] No, that was a stand -up show, right?

[1925] Yeah, I did.

[1926] Death Squad show and put all the money towards it, and then the comedy store matched it.

[1927] So we got a really high -end sound system up there.

[1928] And somebody might have blown it.

[1929] Maybe.

[1930] I'll find out tonight.

[1931] That sucks.

[1932] I'm there this weekend, too.

[1933] I'm there Friday and Saturday.

[1934] I'm doing the belly room.

[1935] Yeah, we have Kiltonny tonight there, so I get to put it on your houseboard on your Amazon gift shop, whatever hell it is.

[1936] Wish list.

[1937] Wish list, yeah.

[1938] So you've done the store before, right?

[1939] Yeah.

[1940] What do you do mostly in New York?

[1941] Which clubs do you work at?

[1942] There's a new club called The Stand.

[1943] You keep hearing good things about that place.

[1944] A great club.

[1945] Yeah, Ari does that place a lot, right?

[1946] Yeah, it's similar to the comedy seller downstairs in her basement upstairs.

[1947] You hang the comics, great food.

[1948] I do that, you know, in the comedy seller, stand in New York still.

[1949] Are there good road gigs around there still?

[1950] Not really, not in that area.

[1951] Is governor still around?

[1952] Governors are still there.

[1953] That's a great gig.

[1954] That's a great gig.

[1955] The brokerage is still around.

[1956] Brokerage is still there.

[1957] I used to have a hard time getting booked there because it was dirty.

[1958] So did I. I worked there one time, and the guy hated me. The guy originally owned it, and I never went back after that.

[1959] The governors, they didn't care.

[1960] No, governors, they just wanted you to be funny.

[1961] But the brokerage, they wanted it squeaky clean, 1970s Johnny Carson style.

[1962] Yep.

[1963] There's a bunch of those clubs.

[1964] Well, that's Comedy and Magic Club.

[1965] Joey Diaz still can't work the Comedy and Magic Club.

[1966] They had to have a conversation with me about Joey because Joey was my opening act.

[1967] And I always brought Joey with me as much as I can.

[1968] And comedy magic club were like, we have to talk to you about this.

[1969] I always found that weird, though, that they let Ari Shafir...

[1970] He's not as dirty as Joey.

[1971] He used to be pretty fucking dirty.

[1972] I remember the weekend that happened.

[1973] To a different level.

[1974] Yeah.

[1975] It's a different level.

[1976] When Joey's doing the pigeon, you know what you're doing that?

[1977] You're eating a monkey from behind.

[1978] You're sticking your nose right in their asshole, like a pigeon.

[1979] And he goes like this, piqu -a -b -b -k -k -k -h.

[1980] He goes, that's a chicken, but what the fuck, you know what I'm talking about.

[1981] the pigeon yeah he was just doing some crazy ass eating stuff and uh Mike is like that's it because that was also back before like there was the shows would be packed but half the people would know me from like maybe Fear Factor and he had a bunch of regulars that would go there every Sunday no matter what every weekend no matter what he's got a bunch of like regulars and he always has these squeaky clean shows so they would come to see me and they'd have no idea what the fuck was about to hit them and Joey would get on stage and a bunch of them like barely barely made it through almost had heart attacks really ran out into the fucking street what did you do to me they were used to like the 9 a .m. Jay Leno show on Sunday you know not really 9 a .m., but it might as well be you know he would do these tonight show monologue sets right he would work on it Sunday so yeah and he would go down there and just read a bunch of like very non -offensive very mild tonight show style jokes so they got used to that And then Joey Diaz Just hits the stage like a fucking tornado They just didn't know what they did So half of them loved it But it was a good percent But now if we went back it would be 100 percent They would know what the fuck to expect And it would be awesome but he's scared Yeah I only did that club once and I was Tonight Show people were coming to see me And they gave me a warning They go look I don't know what you're going to do up here I go I'm doing a tonight show set Yeah It's four and a half minutes I can't do any dirty shit on tonight show It's going to be fine.

[1982] Like, all right, well, just make sure.

[1983] You know, we know you got a reputation from the East Coast, from Howard Stern and all this stuff.

[1984] How gross.

[1985] I know.

[1986] I'm auditioning for a tonight show.

[1987] I'm not going to talk about ass eating.

[1988] You'd have to really say it in a way that it could get on.

[1989] What year was this?

[1990] This was probably like eight years ago, seven years ago.

[1991] They have lighter standards now.

[1992] Like, standards and practices, you can get away with a lot of shit now that you never could get away with just a few years ago.

[1993] Like, the Internet is opening up the balance.

[1994] For what like just look at the the gore factor look like I was watching CSI the other day and they had some bodies that they were like picking bullets out of or some shit.

[1995] And I was like, whoa, like I can't believe this is regular TV like really fucking gory.

[1996] They show it to you like really quick.

[1997] You know, like they don't show you like long focused shots, but it's enough that you're like, whoa, I can't believe this is regular TV.

[1998] Do you think the Fear Factor episode with the Come would be able to be passed nowadays?

[1999] days?

[2000] No. Can't make people drink cum.

[2001] Someone's son.

[2002] Someone's son, someone's daughter.

[2003] You're making them drink cum on TV?

[2004] I've re -watched that the other day.

[2005] That is one of the grossest things I've ever...

[2006] Wait, someone drank.

[2007] Oh, they drank a big gulp full of cum.

[2008] They drank like 24 hours, 24 ounces rather.

[2009] It was on, it didn't make the show?

[2010] No, it never got on the air in America, but it made the air in like Holland and a bunch of other cities.

[2011] So they took a bunch of other countries, so they took the video of that and they uploaded it to YouTube.

[2012] You could watch it.

[2013] It's available.

[2014] It was the most ridiculous shit ever.

[2015] Was it a guy or a girl?

[2016] Guy, one guy and two girls.

[2017] That's a great guy.

[2018] Did you see the new Fear Factor rip -off show that's starting?

[2019] I heard about it.

[2020] It's pretty close.

[2021] Good.

[2022] They even advertise it in the commercial like, just like Fear Factor, bullse, or whatever.

[2023] Oh, really?

[2024] They say just like Fear Factor?

[2025] Wow, that's hilarious.

[2026] Yeah, man, that was a show.

[2027] That was one of the rare times in life where someone got fired because someone drank come on TV.

[2028] because that was what happened we all got fired because someone drank come on TV and I was happy I was like good it's canceled I was literally happy that's why the show got canceled yes yeah the ratings were really good it was doing really well because when it came back the stunts were insane but the stunts were getting fucking hairy like we had a couple like pretty big accidents there was one where this couple left like the driver something happened and his windshield was obscured with like a cardboard box and they almost crashed into this lady's leg.

[2029] Like, it was enough that I was like, whoa, like, you guys are taking some fucking chances here.

[2030] Like, there was always a certain amount of chance in Fear Factor, but they were taking some chances that I was like, what happens if this goes wrong?

[2031] Like, one of them was you were attached to a bungee cord that was attached to a helicopter, and you had to, your partner had to unlock you.

[2032] So there's, like, a chain full of keys, and then there's a lock.

[2033] And so you have to find the right lock.

[2034] So it's you and you're competing with someone else And there's helicopters And the helicopter has a hold of you on a bungee cord I pulled tight And then so when they let go When they unlock you They let go and you go shooting off into fucking space And I'm saying Like they were flying through the air Flying through the air On the most crazy bungee cord You've ever seen in your life And it's attached to a fucking helicopter So you're watching this You're like what if the helicopter crashes Like has anybody done this?

[2035] Like, how many dry runs have you done with this?

[2036] Right.

[2037] Like, you know, the stunt guys, they don't even get paid, and they would have to recreate this fucking thing.

[2038] And a lot of times, they would recreate it with PAs.

[2039] They would get a P .A. to do the stunt, and they would pay them, like, $100, and then they would attach them to this fucking thing and launched them into space.

[2040] Oh, shit.

[2041] I was like, someone's going to die.

[2042] You can't, there's no way you can prevent, like, you can't stop anything if it goes wrong.

[2043] There's no, like, if that bungee court's stuff.

[2044] snaps, you're dead, okay?

[2045] If the helicopter crashes, everyone's dead.

[2046] And they did it off a canyon.

[2047] Like, there's, like, this, like, huge cliff.

[2048] And the tree was attached to the people on the edge of this cliff.

[2049] Oh, this is it right here.

[2050] Yeah, somebody's running the Fear Factor Facebook page and making all these new video.

[2051] Look at this.

[2052] Look at this shit.

[2053] Holy shit.

[2054] Back that up a second.

[2055] So just so you can see how retarded that is.

[2056] Whoa.

[2057] Watch this.

[2058] She gets the key in.

[2059] She unlocks it.

[2060] And the moment she does, as soon as she gets.

[2061] gets free, he pulls the, look at that fucking thing.

[2062] Look at that thing.

[2063] She got shot through the fucking air on the bottom of a helicopter.

[2064] So ridiculous.

[2065] That lady shaved her head, too.

[2066] That was more disturbing for people than anything else.

[2067] You made that lady shave her hair.

[2068] She shaved her hair.

[2069] Didn't you make somebody get a tattoo also?

[2070] No, they didn't do it.

[2071] They quit.

[2072] They had to get a Fear Factor tattoo and a tattoo of me. That's right.

[2073] Really?

[2074] Yep.

[2075] And that got approved by NBC, which is ridiculous.

[2076] And they wanted to do at the bottom of their feet, but you can't do it because of sanity, you know, hygiene reasons when you step on things.

[2077] If you have a sore like that at the bottom of your foot, it risks pretty severe infection possibilities.

[2078] But they did that.

[2079] That NBC said they could have the tattoo.

[2080] And the other thing that NBC said was that they could drink piss.

[2081] They drank piss, too.

[2082] They drank donkey piss and donkey cum.

[2083] Or was cow piss and donkey cum?

[2084] Yeah.

[2085] Now, whose real come was that in there?

[2086] Donkey cum.

[2087] Who's real come was that?

[2088] Oh, the producers, fine, everybody on the street.

[2089] We just pull over and ask people to jerk off.

[2090] It was so ridiculous.

[2091] It was such a huge vat of com that they had, too.

[2092] They would pour into these glasses.

[2093] And here's the thing.

[2094] Like, your best case scenario in this game, the best you could do, you would have to drink five ounces.

[2095] Absolutely.

[2096] Absolutely have to drink five ounces.

[2097] because they're playing horseshoes.

[2098] So if you fucking got a ringer, you nailed it.

[2099] It's not even, like, if you nail it, you don't have to drink.

[2100] Now, even if you nail it, you have to drink five ounces, which is crazy.

[2101] Was it refrigerated or was it like warm temperature?

[2102] No, you'd have to refrigerate.

[2103] Yeah, you'd want to serve that chilled.

[2104] Yeah, that's how I feel.

[2105] At least you can pretend it's something else.

[2106] If it's hot, it's going down your throat, you know exactly what it is.

[2107] Taking latte, though, a little hot latte?

[2108] Nah, it's better.

[2109] I don't know what you're putting in your lattes, but you need to stop right now, or you're going to get pregnant.

[2110] It's just like tequila you want to chill.

[2111] It's a lot easier going down chilled.

[2112] It's all psychological, though, because it's like it's cum, right?

[2113] It's salty, liquid, like, snot.

[2114] Like when you swallow snot, it's all psychological.

[2115] But the actual taste of snot, it's not the worst thing in the world.

[2116] You know, I'm sure there's a lot of things that taste way better than, way worse than snot or cum.

[2117] But a chick that swallow's got a big advantage.

[2118] The girl's saying that.

[2119] The girls, it was hilarious.

[2120] They were like, I'll take the cum.

[2121] The girl took the cum over the piss.

[2122] I go, really?

[2123] And she goes, yeah, what's the big deal.

[2124] And I was like, wow, what a trooper you are.

[2125] I know.

[2126] Like, she took the cum.

[2127] She's like, it'll be easier.

[2128] I've swallowed cum before.

[2129] We didn't have any of that on TV, obviously.

[2130] But they were laughing about it.

[2131] They're like, I've swallowed before.

[2132] This would be easy.

[2133] Fine.

[2134] And I was like, wow.

[2135] Like, I guess a guy would probably, like, if there was some sort of a squirting thing that pigs did, and you could collect that.

[2136] And a guy had to choose between drinking that stuff.

[2137] or uh or something else you would go with the squirty stuff because it's like it's coming out of a girl's vagina it's just just like girl come no big deal as it's a girl but i think that's how the girls looked at it when they thought about this uh the idea yeah that's come dude oh my god they drank a mug I like a pewke now Even that guy I was impressed with you Cheers I like how he's plugging They're plugging their nose While they're drinking come Look at that guy Chug come God That guy just chugged come Oh my goodness Okay well how is that So Fear Factor's released that then Oh no no If it's edited as Fear Factor moments Yeah it's something happened about six months ago, Fear Factor's Facebook page just started posting brand new videos and, like, new advertisements and stuff.

[2138] He has to shit that come out.

[2139] I love how Joe's right in her face.

[2140] Come on, fucking do it already.

[2141] Jesus Christ.

[2142] I still, to this day, I go back and I watch this and I can't believe it really happened.

[2143] Didn't you have a guy named Brian that tested everything before that they had to test it?

[2144] No, there was a bunch of guys, but Josh, Josh Silverman.

[2145] He was the, well, he was the B -stunt producer.

[2146] He produced it.

[2147] He had done a bunch of different crazy shows.

[2148] He actually had been on a reality show.

[2149] He's on Ted Nugent's reality show at one point in time as a contestant.

[2150] Really?

[2151] But that guy was nuts.

[2152] And he was getting dark.

[2153] Like his mind was getting very dark from all of the coming up with the different stunts for these people.

[2154] Like figuring out different ways to get people to fucking pull like bison hearts out of a swimming pool filled with blood.

[2155] Like they kept coming up with more and more fucked up things.

[2156] And I was like, this is got to.

[2157] to be bad for your brain like to have like this is your job and he's like totally it's definitely it's not good yeah it was like this not it's not good to think about this kind of stuff all the time that's why they came up with this drinking come thing i think i think they got so lost they didn't realize like how insane this is going to be to the rest of the world like they were like look they gave us the green light let's do it we're going to push the envelope let's push the envelope all right we're going to do lunch on tuesday and like the network and the exactly they would high five each other they're so out of touch they had no idea that the rest of the the world was going to go, you made people drink come on TV.

[2158] Even drinking piss.

[2159] Just making people drink piss is probably enough to get the show canceled.

[2160] But the fact that there was piss and come together, the network is like, what did we do?

[2161] What happened here?

[2162] They should bring it back, but put it on Netflix uncensored and make it like the grossest of gross.

[2163] Well, I'm not doing it.

[2164] I'm done.

[2165] Like eating yeast infections.

[2166] I'll never do it again.

[2167] Can you see a yeast infection?

[2168] Oh yeah, it's creamy.

[2169] Oh, no, it's creamy.

[2170] It comes out.

[2171] That's just an excretion.

[2172] It comes out.

[2173] You scoop He's scooping it up like it's like he's making pizza.

[2174] I've had it curdled.

[2175] Chunky.

[2176] You've had it curdled?

[2177] I mean, I've pulled out my dick and it's been like chunks of white yeast all over.

[2178] That's not good.

[2179] Again, the quality of the company that you keep is reflected in many shitty decisions that you've made in this crazy life.

[2180] What's wrong with you, boy?

[2181] She had diabetes.

[2182] She had diabetes and that affects your vagina?

[2183] Oh, yeah, you get yeast infections all day.

[2184] That makes sense, I guess.

[2185] Your whole body's out of whack.

[2186] They say a lot of issues that people have with various bacterial levels and things like that.

[2187] It could be mitigated with just probiotics.

[2188] That if people took probiotics all the time, it would be less yeast infections, like a lot of less, a lot less bacterial issues.

[2189] Yeah, a lot of aloe, drinking aloe.

[2190] Do you eat healthy, do you drink quarantine?

[2191] Yeah, I take probiotics every day.

[2192] You look healthy as fuck.

[2193] I just lost 25 pounds.

[2194] Did you?

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] What did you do?

[2197] Wanted a juice fast.

[2198] Well, I got a divorce.

[2199] That helps, yeah.

[2200] 13 days, no food.

[2201] Comics with divorces, that's rare.

[2202] Usually it works out.

[2203] It does, I know.

[2204] It's like when a comic's happily married, he goes, is he okay?

[2205] What's wrong with them?

[2206] Is he all right?

[2207] Is he still funny?

[2208] Dice came at that wedding and he goes, first of all, he goes, look, he goes, I look at all your friends here.

[2209] He goes, they're all a bunch of fucking creeps.

[2210] I don't know where these people work.

[2211] he goes here take us he just handed me a water cash he goes i'm not even going to leave an envelope because somebody's going to steal it put this in your pocket now and then he whispered and he goes look your wife's lovely and this is a great day for you guys but just know one day she's going to hate your guts he was right did they think did you're a wild man you're always doing stand -up keep crazy friends did you do you date girls and think they could change you is it one of those things we're like he's a smart guy He's really nice I just think that if I just get a hold of You know, we'll work it out No Because I always went after the crazy ones I never went after a normal one You probably should have Not pretty much Nah I mean you know No I didn't always like the wild ones So they weren't looking to tame anybody How do you find a normal person You can't even find a normal person out here at this Well normal people are not going to find you First of all Where are you going to the comedy store You're going to a bar Just hang out of Apple They got weekends off you know they work nine to five and you're working weekends you never get to see them that's when they want to hang with their friends and go to like fucking apple bees or some shit the all the other thing is as a comic your hours are so fucked and your lifestyle so crazy that unless the girl is living some sort of a crazy life of her own she's not going to understand like a stripper that's why they have like the same hours exactly well a lot of comics wind up dating strippers for a bunch of reasons but that's a big one of them is just that some girls like you're out every night like I've had friends that I've lost like they don't do stand -up anymore because their wife got upset they were out too much doing stand -up and if you got to if you're gonna be a good comic you have to work a lot you have to work every week you have to mean you might be able to take weeks off here and there but essentially you're working several days a week every week and you're doing it at night and you got to write and you got to work on new shit and you got to constantly be in that zone and you got to go to the clubs you got to you have to if you don't do it you're not going to develop material yeah so if you're dating someone they're like why do you don't understand you're not even getting paid for this You're getting like $15.

[2212] Like, fuck, that is not.

[2213] No, I'm working.

[2214] Like, where do you think these jokes come from?

[2215] They don't come from the fucking joke fairy.

[2216] Like, these bitches need to grow.

[2217] I got to go water the garden.

[2218] You know, that's what you do.

[2219] You go to the comedy store on a Tuesday night.

[2220] You're watering the garden.

[2221] It's the fuck you're doing.

[2222] Yeah, a lot of people can't get that concept.

[2223] Working for food or just not working at all during a week doing sets.

[2224] They want to hang out, watch a movie.

[2225] It's Tuesday night.

[2226] Yeah, and they're not a TV show.

[2227] And, like, you're going to go out there for free?

[2228] How many people are going to be there?

[2229] people?

[2230] Is that worth it?

[2231] They don't get it.

[2232] Those conversations used to be so frustrating to me. But I get it from the girls' point of view.

[2233] You know, she wants a normal life.

[2234] People want a normal life.

[2235] They want someone who's going to be home on, you know, normal daytime hours.

[2236] They don't want some guy who's calling them from the row because he did ecstasy.

[2237] It's just they want shit to be normal.

[2238] I get it.

[2239] But strippers don't.

[2240] So like if you're, unless she really wants to settle down and be normal, And she's just, she's in the last days of stripping.

[2241] Like, this is it.

[2242] I'm almost 30.

[2243] I'm so tired of this.

[2244] It's such bullshit.

[2245] Meet one of those.

[2246] Yeah.

[2247] But you get a wild 24 -year -old, Jesus.

[2248] Forget it.

[2249] And yeah.

[2250] Jesus Christ, Jim Flarentine.

[2251] That's why I think Camgirls is the way they're future, because when you're out at the comedy club, they could be squirting at home, you know, and then you just have like a...

[2252] You're still committed to that squirting thing.

[2253] It's been proven.

[2254] No, it's been proven.

[2255] scientifically that it's P, they have actual studies now.

[2256] Tony Hinchcliff makes fun of you in his act.

[2257] Actually, he's completely wrong.

[2258] It's completely wrong because...

[2259] Oh, scientist Brian's here, ladies and gentlemen.

[2260] Forget all the retarded shit he said during the past two hours.

[2261] He's going to clear things up now with his intelligence.

[2262] Knowledge of squirting.

[2263] When Vice did the article about squirting being P. There's a lot of people did an article.

[2264] I know, but it's the same base thing that even when we had what's his face in here the other day, he even goes, no, I get what you're saying.

[2265] There is two different kinds.

[2266] Have you ever had sex with a girl?

[2267] And after you're done, there's a humongous water, like, spot on your blanket.

[2268] That's squirting.

[2269] That's gushing.

[2270] That's what I'm talking about.

[2271] What those reports are talking about when it's shooting out, projecting, that's pee.

[2272] That's obviously pee.

[2273] It's coming out of the pee hole.

[2274] But gushing.

[2275] Shut the fuck up.

[2276] Gushing is what I'm talking about.

[2277] And some girls, you can hit a certain part of their G spot, and you'll feel like a flood come out.

[2278] And that is not pee.

[2279] and even Dr. Drew says it A lot of people even say Dr. Drew says it.

[2280] Dr. Drew also says Pott is addictive.

[2281] He said that a long time ago.

[2282] You let him go now because you're on his side when it comes to squirting.

[2283] No, I think...

[2284] That's what it is.

[2285] He used to be anti -Dr.

[2286] Drew when it came to weed, but squirting to him is more important than weed.

[2287] Squirting is his big foot.

[2288] He will fucking argue with you if you tell him squirting's not real.

[2289] Squirting is the Loch Ness monster.

[2290] Squirting is his UFOs.

[2291] You know who thinks squirting is...

[2292] Squirting is your Jesus.

[2293] People that can't make girls squirt.

[2294] Yeah.

[2295] Can't do it.

[2296] They don't even know how.

[2297] I don't know how to get them to drink a gallon of water and piss all over you.

[2298] You can feel it.

[2299] You know, man. It's like when Jesus touches me, I can't describe it, bro.

[2300] I just feel it.

[2301] You're saying every girl can squirt like you can make any girl squirt.

[2302] I think most girls can squirt.

[2303] Yeah.

[2304] They drink a lot of water, hold it in, wait for Brian to finger them.

[2305] Right.

[2306] It's, what I'm saying is real.

[2307] but it's sure like a UFO fanatic it's it's it's I think most guys have had that experience when you're with a girl and you're like holy shit you were really wet this time and you look down there's a huge wet spot that's what I'm talking about well yeah girls have vaginal vaginal rather lubrication comes out yeah sometimes it's girls are wet but it doesn't ever squirt out doesn't ever squirt out like those videos where girls are going just that's fucking pissing all over the camera right that's that's that's that's that's Pete obviously that's Brian, you, like a slippery politician, have changed your stance.

[2308] No, I've never changed my stance.

[2309] Because you used to say that the spray was a different type.

[2310] I've never said that.

[2311] It was different than urine.

[2312] I've never said that ever in my life.

[2313] Well, the court would please bring up the last podcast where squirting was discussed, and Brian angrily, yet again, defended the art of squirting.

[2314] I've always said the practice of squirting.

[2315] No, you definitely said squirting is real.

[2316] And now you're saying gushing is real.

[2317] Sporting, the term what you guys are calling, it's squirting.

[2318] is in the business you know a lot of you like fucking pedestrians you have your terms i know your term squirting and as pros we refers to as gushing it's gushing yeah she was a gusher yeah right and that's what and that's what what's what's confusing what people think squirting is fake and stuff the people are confused a lot of things when you have sex with a girl sometimes it's a little wet right but there's sometimes where you can have you could feel it just pouring out of her and it won't stop and She's, I mean, it's all over the place.

[2319] She's going to be like the Wicked Witch of the West and melt on your fucking house.

[2320] And if you were to take all that juice, throw it in a test, too.

[2321] That's not pee.

[2322] Okay, scientist Brian, why don't you go perform these tests?

[2323] I've heard many people talk about it, including Dr. Drew talked about it.

[2324] Bring up some facts.

[2325] Dr. Drew about squirting.

[2326] Go Google that.

[2327] I don't need to.

[2328] I already know about it.

[2329] I've talked about this a million times.

[2330] So it's called come then.

[2331] Huh?

[2332] It's a, yeah, it's a mixture of.

[2333] No, it's not.

[2334] But the scientists that have studied.

[2335] It'd say it's pee.

[2336] It's not.

[2337] But how do you know?

[2338] I can, I don't have a computer.

[2339] Because I just know.

[2340] I don't need your fancy science.

[2341] I don't have a computer in front of me. I have Jesus in my heart.

[2342] Well, would you mind if it was pee?

[2343] Huh?

[2344] That's what we're trying to get at.

[2345] And that's another thing.

[2346] And that's another thing.

[2347] That huh is the story of this whole conversation.

[2348] And that's another thing because I've actually had a girl gush or squirt or whatever while I was eating her out before.

[2349] So you had a girl pee in your mouth.

[2350] It did not taste like pee.

[2351] Because he knows.

[2352] He's drinking a lot of pee.

[2353] He's basically a pea somalier.

[2354] Well, because it was a mixture.

[2355] I have this hints of Cosmo Martinis.

[2356] The girls come is usually has a hints of pee in it, but it's not urine.

[2357] Okay.

[2358] And what about oak, tannins, all the stuff they find from those aged barrels.

[2359] It gets mad.

[2360] I'm not getting mad.

[2361] You do definitely.

[2362] get upset when it comes to the topic of squirting you defend it like it's a religious thing well because people are so confused about it they are super confused as a matter fact they're giving a lot of university level courses on it because there's so much confusion about whether or not squirting is pee no when you see it what you see in porn is usually water that's been put up there or urine like you say but that's not what I'm fucking talking about I'm talking about there's ways that you can hit the G spot with your dick and make the girl gush yeah um I don't know I don't think too many people Bothered.

[2363] They didn't squirt even a little in the old porn.

[2364] What were they doing differently?

[2365] Do they not know what they were doing back then?

[2366] Tell me, Ron Jeremy, didn't know how to lay some dick out?

[2367] No, that's fake.

[2368] That's what I'm saying is fake.

[2369] What are you talking about?

[2370] I'm saying that the stuff that you see in porn that you guys think is squirting is water that has been put up there.

[2371] You guys, you dummies.

[2372] That's like you so -called Christians.

[2373] He's like a religious fanatic over there.

[2374] I don't think most people care.

[2375] You know, like, he cares.

[2376] You could go, you know, this chick squirted last.

[2377] night you're like that's actually pee like oh really and that's it all right well then it was what yeah that it was in my mouth all right well whatever i drank pee i'll collect some hot i'll collect some gush you're gonna need rubber gloves you're gonna need a chain of command chain of custody you got scrape it up you have a guy there in a sealed envelope take it to the lab i don't know what the fuck you're going to do with it on the way to the airport hopefully doesn't she doesn't have a yeast infection at the same time exactly you can fuck with the studies frothy gosh you definitely need to go back to smoke a cigarettes i'll tell you that why because your brain what happened over the last few days is shocking but what i've been saying right now it's so accurate and it really is the fact that you are actually defending squirting the fact that i could troll you so hard that i could just just all i have to say is squirting is pee and you will go into a fucking frothy panic look at you no i'm not getting into a panic i just like people defensive.

[2378] It's annoying when people go It's annoying when people insult my Jesus.

[2379] Dude squirting, it's not real.

[2380] And it's like All right.

[2381] Well, guess what?

[2382] A lot of that's coming your way today, fellow.

[2383] I know.

[2384] What's your Twitter handle?

[2385] Redband, R -E -D -B -A -N.

[2386] They're going to give you a lot of fucking medical studies on Piss.

[2387] The various properties of Piss.

[2388] It's gushing, guys.

[2389] Guys don't even know.

[2390] You're such amateurs.

[2391] You don't even know how to make a girl gush.

[2392] So you can make every girl?

[2393] Not every girl, but I could make a lot of girls because of the shape of my dick and like a certain way what's wrong with it it's pointed towards my my face so it's kind of like bent towards my face and uh if you put your like a girl's legs up between your shoulders don't make me throw up before the end this podcast we're about to end soon so you got to put it over your legs yeah usually over your shoulders hurts like over yeah and it's got to bend up well i don't know if it has to bend up but i'm just saying that that's why i think i've had such great success i you should give seminars i just did No, you just explained it.

[2394] You should give seminars.

[2395] You're like, walk around people.

[2396] Tell them, no, you've got to get your hips over here, like a yoga class, weight down here.

[2397] Or he looks at every guy's dick.

[2398] Nope, doesn't bend up.

[2399] You're going to do it.

[2400] You're going to have to break your dick.

[2401] I could take your money, but you're not going to be able to do it.

[2402] No, as a young age, you could just put it underneath your belt buckle and it will grow that way around your belly.

[2403] So every time you have a boner, just put it straight up north.

[2404] He's 40.

[2405] It's grown man. That reminds me in a Brady Bunch episode where Bobby wanted to be taller, so he hung from the swing set.

[2406] Through his arms, yeah, because he wanted to be taller.

[2407] I remember that episodes.

[2408] That's what that has put it under a belt buckle.

[2409] So it stays up.

[2410] Belly is a natural band.

[2411] No, but the Brady Bunch wasn't real.

[2412] He's a real person.

[2413] He really fucking believes he really believes you get a change the shape of your dick by tucking it in your balls.

[2414] You know what?

[2415] I'm wearing a belt right now.

[2416] I'm going to do it on the right home.

[2417] Wrap it up.

[2418] Tie it in a nut.

[2419] Maybe you get one of those real soft belts.

[2420] Yeah, I'm looking for a squatter.

[2421] I've had some pretty good squirters.

[2422] Okay, buddy.

[2423] All right.

[2424] Let's wrap this up.

[2425] Belly button.

[2426] Thanks for showing up.

[2427] You're the best.

[2428] Jim Florentine, what's going on, man?

[2429] Where's the website at?

[2430] What's Jim Florentine .com?

[2431] And it's Mr. Jim Florentine on Twitter.

[2432] This is Jim Florentine on Twitter.

[2433] I'm going to be Amy Schumer's new movie.

[2434] Oh, my goodness.

[2435] What is this?

[2436] July 17th.

[2437] What's the movie?

[2438] Train wreck.

[2439] Oh, what is it?

[2440] It's a comedy of her movie with Judd Apatel director.

[2441] Okay, cool.

[2442] I just got a little part in it.

[2443] Beautiful.

[2444] But I didn't get caught because people have seen it and said it's a good.

[2445] good scene, so.

[2446] Excellent.

[2447] Cool.

[2448] And then I just did episode Louis, so.

[2449] Nice.

[2450] Nice.

[2451] And you got any comedy club dates coming up?

[2452] Just this Wednesday night.

[2453] All right, Wednesday night.

[2454] Comedy store.

[2455] We'll be at the comedy store.

[2456] And then Baltimore.

[2457] Hopefully Brian will be smoking by then.

[2458] We get the old Brian back or take him to a doctor.

[2459] All right.

[2460] I'll smoke.

[2461] No, don't do it.

[2462] And I got a podcast, too.

[2463] Yes.

[2464] What is it?

[2465] Comedy metal midgets, Jim Florentine.

[2466] Metal midgets or mental?

[2467] Metal.

[2468] Metal.

[2469] Comedy, metal midgetts.

[2470] Yeah.

[2471] those three things in that order.

[2472] Yeah, I just, it had a nice ring to it.

[2473] Dude, I forgot to talk to you about this one dude, I'll ask you off the air, but your friend who lives in Florida, some crazy friend I was listening to your radio show.

[2474] Oh, Gary from Florida.

[2475] Is that the nutty dude who fucks all these girls and has all these ridiculous stories?

[2476] Yeah, fucks him in the ass first night, cooks him a chick or Marcella, and then fucks him in the ass.

[2477] Were you talking to him, or are you talking about him?

[2478] I don't remember.

[2479] It was on the radio show.

[2480] But I was, I sat in my car out here in this parking lot Was laughing like a mental patient I was just with him this past weekend He's insane He goes on these dating websites And gets these girls He started when he was 35 He put in from 40 to 65 Because he goes no one at 35 Wants to fuck those women I will He's like, I'm not going after a 22 year old So some 52 year old in Florida Single, you know With big tits, divorce, tan Take him out one day They go look just feed me and fuck me Wow.

[2481] And he's like, first night, right in the ass.

[2482] Whoa.

[2483] Eight out of ten times.

[2484] Eight out of ten times?

[2485] Eight out of ten.

[2486] Wow.

[2487] He looks like a bloated Tony Danza, like, you know.

[2488] So it works for him.

[2489] And they're like, wow, a 35 -year -old wants to fuck a 52 -year -old.

[2490] So he's got that market.

[2491] That's smart.

[2492] Oh, yeah.

[2493] He's always been like that.

[2494] He'd leave my message.

[2495] I just fucked a 64 -year -old.

[2496] Because she wanted to be in bed by eight, so I'm going back out trying to get another one.

[2497] Oh, my God, that is so bizarre.

[2498] That's a smart move, though.

[2499] If you want numbers, you want to put up numbers.

[2500] That's all he cared about was numbers.

[2501] He's like, look, I've got to get Hall of Fame numbers.

[2502] That's all I'm looking for.

[2503] And did these women get attached to him, or they just want dick?

[2504] It's Florida.

[2505] They don't care.

[2506] They don't care because Florida?

[2507] Yeah, at Florida, it's a whole other animal down there.

[2508] They don't give a shit.

[2509] They move from one to another to another.

[2510] Really?

[2511] Yeah, he might go see him one more time, and they don't even bother them after that.

[2512] Really?

[2513] Especially an older woman.

[2514] They're just set in their ways.

[2515] They're like, look, I just want to get laid.

[2516] Right.

[2517] I can get that.

[2518] Like, they're not looking for a man anymore.

[2519] It's going to come along, tell him what to do.

[2520] Yeah.

[2521] They go look, man, I'm horny.

[2522] It's been a while.

[2523] Wow.

[2524] A lot of times he tried to do it without even getting dinner.

[2525] Yeah, he's like, let me see.

[2526] He tried to pull that one off, just meet him for a drink.

[2527] Right.

[2528] His move was never to go, let's meet at six.

[2529] It was always like 8 .30.

[2530] He didn't have to buy him dinner.

[2531] He's like, they're definitely going to eat by then.

[2532] So you had a strategy for saving money?

[2533] Yeah, I'm like, Gary, I mean, you're banging her in the ass to first night.

[2534] You probably could buy her a dinner.

[2535] It's worth it.

[2536] It's worth a $150 dinner.

[2537] Was he because he didn't want to take a chance of being stuck at dinner, or was he trying to save money?

[2538] Save money and just be a complete dirt bag.

[2539] That's the only reason.

[2540] Because you get stuck in a horrible conversation.

[2541] If you commit to dinner, and as you just met this person in, like, five minutes into the conversation, you realize they're fucking crazy.

[2542] Like, oh, no, I'm going to have a meal.

[2543] with this person?

[2544] Shit.

[2545] Yeah.

[2546] Then you just got to find the waiter.

[2547] I'll be right back.

[2548] You go find the waiter.

[2549] Give the waiter money and get the fuck out of Dodge before they even know what hit him.

[2550] Just walk out the front door, run.

[2551] Yeah, but what if you drove?

[2552] I had that problem that meth head chick a couple weeks ago.

[2553] You drive.

[2554] If she drove, you've got a problem.

[2555] Well, then, even then, you just get an Uber.

[2556] We live in the new world.

[2557] It's a new world, Jim Florence.

[2558] Yeah, you don't have to worry about that crap.

[2559] Well, he would just meet him for a drink, and then he figured if it was going to work.

[2560] Hey, let's go back.

[2561] Always buy his his house close by within a mile hey let's go back to my place well another one but if he goes to his place then he's got to get him out he gets a day always want to leave right afterwards they don't want to stay that's hilarious I know so they're just different yeah different animal different animal than a woman is trying to carve out a relationship like this is maybe Jim Florentine is the one maybe I could settle down with Jim Florentine and have some babies instead of that she's like nope nope I just want some dick I'm 50.

[2562] I just want someone to fuck me in my mouth and then get out of the house.

[2563] Pretty much.

[2564] My nephew just moved to Florida's 27.

[2565] I mean, he is cleaning up down there because I said, are you going to put up like Coorsfield numbers?

[2566] You know what I mean?

[2567] Like in Coorsfield and baseball, the ball, you know, because of the quality air, the balls just fly out of there.

[2568] The numbers are just skewered.

[2569] He's almost like he's on Royed.

[2570] Right, because of the altitude in Denver?

[2571] I said, when people look back at your baseball car from New Jersey to Florida and go, all right, he was definitely doing Roids.

[2572] What was going on in these years?

[2573] He goes, no, I lived in Florida.

[2574] Oh, okay, then he wasn't doing Roids.

[2575] Yeah, Florida is the party state.

[2576] It's insane.

[2577] It's those Florida Man Twitter notices.

[2578] Have you ever seen those?

[2579] No, but Burr Chrys are?

[2580] The page?

[2581] Yeah, Bert Chrys are from Florida.

[2582] But Florida Man is a page on Twitter.

[2583] And if you go to Florida man on the Twitter feed, it's all news stories about a guy from Florida doing something retarded.

[2584] Yeah.

[2585] And it's just, it's a different part of the world, man. It's completely different part of the the world.

[2586] So if you're a guy who looks like a bloated Tony Danza.

[2587] Bloated Tony Danza.

[2588] You're just cleaning up on the girls who've made these terrible mistakes in the decades past and now they're just kind of like settled in.

[2589] Settled in their ways but still get horny.

[2590] In my 20s I moved down there because I wanted to get laid.

[2591] Wow.

[2592] You moved down there specifically because you wanted to get laid.

[2593] I moved down in high school, a family moved down.

[2594] I lived there for two years and I made a couple of friends and then a couple years later I went down there just to visit them and I bang like three chicks in a week and I'm Like, I didn't even have three under my belt my whole life.

[2595] And then, like, six months later, I go, you know what I'm just moving down there?

[2596] Just do I get laid?

[2597] And that's why it was the only thing.

[2598] Now, what do you think it is?

[2599] Because it's such a transient state, because that's a big part of what Florida is.

[2600] Like, people from the East Coast that just moved down there.

[2601] Yeah, because you always get them in that wild phase for a couple of years.

[2602] Right.

[2603] Just go, I want to get away from my family.

[2604] I just want to go have fun.

[2605] And I want to try it down here, so you get those girls in that phase.

[2606] And then eventually, I move back to wherever they are, usually.

[2607] Yeah.

[2608] And a lot of, like, you know, it's a lot of white, it's a weird state.

[2609] It's a lot of white trash and there's hot chicks in Miami to this rednecks.

[2610] It's a weird, super weird state.

[2611] Yeah, it's a weird state, too, because for the longest time, it was how immigrants got into the country from Cuba and how they brought drugs in through Miami.

[2612] So South Florida, it was just chaos.

[2613] And then northern Florida is basically Kentucky.

[2614] You know, you're basically living in the deep, deep south in northern Florida.

[2615] And the further north you get, the more southern United States you actually get.

[2616] Like Florida, like the south of Florida, it doesn't even seem like the south.

[2617] You know, it's more like some weird fucking offshoot of Long Island.

[2618] Yeah, absolutely.

[2619] Miami, Fort Lauderdale, all that's in West Palm Beach, rich area.

[2620] Long Island meets the Caribbean or Long Island meets Cuba.

[2621] You know, that's what it's like.

[2622] Yeah.

[2623] It's just like this weird fucking, just people that just had to get the fuck out of Dodge and came down.

[2624] Nuddy -ass fucking town to do comedy, too.

[2625] Oh, yeah, it was just down there, Miami.

[2626] Did you stand up?

[2627] Yeah.

[2628] Where were you working?

[2629] There's a place called the home field comedy club.

[2630] I guess it used to be an improv.

[2631] It's in Kendall.

[2632] Oh, yeah?

[2633] Yeah, it was a good room.

[2634] I mean, it's part of a sports bar.

[2635] It's not like, but they got their own back room and stuff where they do comedy.

[2636] It holds like 300 people.

[2637] That's cool.

[2638] Yeah, it was pretty good.

[2639] What are you doing over there?

[2640] Actually.

[2641] A little child.

[2642] What?

[2643] Why my child?

[2644] Because you're playing with your phone while we're doing a podcast.

[2645] Oh, sorry.

[2646] I can't believe I was smell it out.

[2647] I was just putting in Wednesday's show.

[2648] at the comedy store in my calendar oh thank you um do you like do you still go back to uh where you grew up do you do any stand up where you uh where'd you grow up i grew up in jersey do you do do you do stand up like near the area where you grew up yeah i mean the stress factory you know the stress factory in new brunswick right is a comedy club that's kind of where i started that's a great spot yeah new brunswick's great too because it's a cool town cool town right next to Rutgers, you know.

[2649] I just filmed a comedy special air a few months back.

[2650] At Vinnie Brand's place?

[2651] No, George Street Playhouse.

[2652] It's a theater for like a 400 -C theater.

[2653] Oh, cool.

[2654] I just did it there.

[2655] That's a good place to do it.

[2656] Yeah, I couldn't do it at Vinny's place.

[2657] It was too much...

[2658] I didn't want the comedy club feel.

[2659] I want them more like a theater feel for it.

[2660] Yeah, I started doing my last one I did in a comedy club, and I think I'm going to do them in a comedy club from now on.

[2661] I think that doing them in a theater, you just don't...

[2662] You lose something in a large, large stage.

[2663] Yeah.

[2664] And I feel like people at home, you're watching, you're in a living room, you know, it's an intimate spot.

[2665] Like, I think you could relate more to someone on stage in front of like a couple hundred people than, you know, maybe a thousand or something.

[2666] I think that the model was to get it sold to a Netflix or Showtime and HBO, they want it to look big.

[2667] Right.

[2668] But now you can do it all on your own.

[2669] It doesn't matter.

[2670] As long as it's good, I don't think it matters.

[2671] Yeah.

[2672] I'm also thinking from now on that it doesn't matter about, like, edits and shit like that.

[2673] I think you should have one camera, one camera that's like in the center of the room, above.

[2674] the crowd catches like the first couple rows of the crowd and you and that's it nothing moving around just one clear shot of what you're doing just like watching it in a comedy club because i think that all this like cutting it from the side and all this fancy shit they're doing with editing it doesn't exist when you go to see a comedy show and when you go to see a comedy show like it's the funniest thing you'll ever see in your life is a comic on stage killing in a comedy club you're in the back of the room and you're just watching and laughing and you're just looking right at it there's no crazy angles there's no weird cuts there's no shots of the audience laughing all that stuff's unnatural yeah yeah mine i only had like the first two rows they say go to them maybe two or three times the whole show that's it i don't i wanted it dark yeah they wanted to i'm like i don't want i don't need that they can hear the laughs and you know what people at home know if they want to laugh or not i don't need a laugh track yeah they like to light up that audience they light up the audience and that's weird because everybody gets like self -conscious yeah that's always the worst That's a weird style that they have Of doing these comedy specials They have this set up at the Irvine Improv Have you done that place yet?

[2675] The new place?

[2676] No, I haven't done the new one Fucking amazing I was just there last weekend They have it set up for a comedy special So when you're in the green room If you're watching, you watch on TV Just the camera they have You're like, holy shit, that's perfect That's all you need Like the one camera they have That catches the entire stage that you're on Like the camera can follow you They can move it a little bit If you go left or right And that's all you need It's really it's set up Perfect.

[2677] Yeah, I mean, it seems like, you know, the comedy specials used to cost like a quarter million to shoot.

[2678] That was basically the number you needed to raise or whatever.

[2679] Now you could do it for fucking 15 grand, 10 grand.

[2680] And it can look amazing.

[2681] It's in the last like three or four years.

[2682] What changed?

[2683] The cameras and just, you know, you don't have to rent out the biggest theater somewhere, the Wiltern or whatever, you know, where it's going to cost a ton of money and hire a real big crew and all that stuff and have seven different cameras.

[2684] I think you could do it.

[2685] everything's getting cheaper and cheaper Yeah, Hinchcliffe did his entire show He did it with one shot One camera follows him into the club Follows him on stage Pans of him on stage The whole thing was shot with one camera Joe remember when I used to go on the road with you And I would have two cameras on the sides One camera in the middle And then I would just have a camera that would walk around And do zoom -ins And that right there It was a whole special A comedy special Yeah, that's all you need really I think they over -engineer those fucking things They really do.

[2686] They do have boom mics.

[2687] I've seen people have boom mics.

[2688] They scan the entire crowd and get up to the stage.

[2689] Like, what are you doing?

[2690] That just takes away from what this guy's talking about.

[2691] Yeah, next one I'm going to do in a comedy club.

[2692] I want to, yeah.

[2693] A small little theater, like, you know, a little space, maybe in New York, 200 seats, something like that.

[2694] Yeah, I think that's the future.

[2695] Like Louis C .K. did his thing at the comedy store.

[2696] He did his last one in the main room.

[2697] That was great.

[2698] That's kind of a big room, too.

[2699] So the main room's kind of big, because it's kind of like a high ceiling.

[2700] That's a very unusual club in the sense that it seems a lot bigger than it really is.

[2701] It's only like 300 people, right?

[2702] Yeah, 300, 350, I think, if they pack it in there.

[2703] But it seems less intimate than a lot of rooms that are that size.

[2704] Like, there's a lot of comedy clubs that have 300 people that seem like way more packed in.

[2705] That's such an old school showroom, you know, with the big giant stage and everything.

[2706] The lights.

[2707] Yeah.

[2708] That's like as old school as it gets, that place.

[2709] But, yeah, doing those, doing those, like, you feel like you're there, you know, doing something at the store, doing something in the ice house.

[2710] You feel like you're there.

[2711] If you're watching a guy on stage in Madison Square Garden, you can enjoy it, but you don't really, I don't think you ever really feel like you're there.

[2712] I think Kevin Hart's going to do, he's doing financial field is what Eagles play, a stadium.

[2713] Jesus Christ.

[2714] And I think that's going to be his next special.

[2715] Oh, isn't he doing like 60 ,000 people?

[2716] Yeah, 60 ,000 people.

[2717] That's insane.

[2718] well he has a crazy show though he doesn't do just stand -up he has like explosions he has pyrotechnics like he hits punchlines and it fire goes off behind him and shit he has like a screen that changes behind him like he'll start talking about a place where he was at and then the screen behind him will be of that place really yeah it's a pretty sophisticated setup apparently he has like a whole like group of employees they like are a road team that have to set up a stage like that's not a small production.

[2719] That's a fucking major league production what he's doing.

[2720] So he's like the kiss of stand -up?

[2721] Yeah, for sure.

[2722] Well, he is definitely, no one has ever sold more tickets than that guy.

[2723] No. In comedy, that guy sold out the Boston Garden two shows in a Sunday night.

[2724] On a Sunday night, I believe it was Sunday.

[2725] Pretty sure.

[2726] But either way, two shows in a night at the Boston Garden.

[2727] That's fucking crazy.

[2728] That's like 30 ,000 people.

[2729] I mean, I've never heard of anybody doing that.

[2730] He's probably, it used to be probably it was dice and then it was Dane Cook And I think Kevin Hart is eclipsed, both of them I think he's a biggest guy ever There's 60 ,000 people at financial field But I heard that Larry the cable guy Does numbers like that in the South That he did, Josh Wolfe opened up for him And took a photo of the audience He was at a football stadium And Josh Wolf's on stage And he's taking a selfie of There's 50 ,000 fucking people behind him It's nuts He said that he'll do like football stadiums Yeah, I could see that in the Yeah, I mean he was like, I guess right before Dane, and then when Dane came, he kind of took the torch from him.

[2731] Bob, I mean, um, and then Russell Peters, you got to think Russell Peters, too.

[2732] Yeah, Russell Peters, he kills it outside the country, but I don't think there's a place in America where we could do it.

[2733] It's like 50 ,000 people.

[2734] No, he's does 20, like he's done Barclay Center in Brooklyn.

[2735] He sold that out 20 ,000.

[2736] He's done the garden before, but not, he can't do, I don't know if he does two or three nights, but he's selling a lot of tickets.

[2737] As he's did two shows at the garden in one night.

[2738] The garden is such a crazy place for stand -up, because you think about the garden, and you think about, like, great heavyweight title fights and shit like that.

[2739] I know.

[2740] Someone would be on stage at the garden telling jokes.

[2741] Billy Jones got the craziest gig.

[2742] He goes to the garden once a month.

[2743] Once a month.

[2744] That's what he does.

[2745] Drives in.

[2746] Probably drives a motorcycle that crazy fuck.

[2747] Drive down to the garden.

[2748] Gets on stage, kills it.

[2749] Has all these, all the old women that your friend fucks in Florida, they all fly up for that.

[2750] Absolutely.

[2751] They're probably going off all over themselves.

[2752] What are you doing over there, Brian?

[2753] How come you out?

[2754] I was trying to think.

[2755] of Steve Martin, didn't he used to sell out like arenas?

[2756] He did big places for sure.

[2757] Before he quit.

[2758] Before he quit, he did some large places.

[2759] But he hit that point, we've talked about this a bunch of times on the podcast where he hit that point where he didn't know what was funny anymore because people laughed at anything he did.

[2760] Yeah.

[2761] He was Steve Martin.

[2762] You get out there, they were just so happy to see him.

[2763] They start Patton Oswald has a fucking hilarious bit about, remember I tell you about that casino I did north of Seattle?

[2764] And I got there.

[2765] It was like the drunk audience I've ever performed for it in my fucking life.

[2766] I never had more people heckle like at a big casino when they're spending a lot of money.

[2767] It was nuts.

[2768] It's called Tuilip.

[2769] And I was in my car, to Ulipp, to Ulipp.

[2770] I was in my car just randomly.

[2771] I have Pat and Oswald's new comedy CD on my phone.

[2772] And so randomly it was playing all these different things.

[2773] And the thing, it would play a song, then it'll play someone's bit.

[2774] I just put it on fucking very same casino.

[2775] No way.

[2776] I didn't even know he had a bid on it.

[2777] It's hilarious because I'm like, this is the place.

[2778] I could relate on such a level because I had fucking just worked there.

[2779] Right.

[2780] They pay a shitload of money, too.

[2781] It's ridiculous how much money they pay.

[2782] And then wow, wow, this is crazy.

[2783] They're paying a lot of money.

[2784] And it's like an hour outside of Seattle.

[2785] So you drive an hour from Seattle and then you get there.

[2786] And once the show starts, you realize exactly why they're paying you so much.

[2787] Right.

[2788] They're like, nobody wants to work here.

[2789] Like, they have to pay you a lot of money to get you to deal with this crowd.

[2790] Maniacs The drunkest fucking people I've ever performed for But they were great Just hecklinner or no Oh yeah, a lot of hecklin I barely got bits out I think I made a I did an hour plus on stage Maybe an hour and 10 I might have got two bits out Maybe three Maybe two Who opened for you, Tony?

[2791] Tony opened, yeah How did he do?

[2792] Did he?

[2793] Tony did well Was it Tony or was it Tom's a girl I'm trying to No, I'm pretty sure of Tony Yeah he did great Tony's funny You know he's got good jokes Tony's like, you know, he knows how to like...

[2794] Well, that's his crowd to the heckler, you know?

[2795] Oh, yeah, for sure, if someone was heckling.

[2796] But they were good.

[2797] You know, I mean, they were just really fucking hammered.

[2798] I just think that a lot of those people that live out there, there's not a lot to do.

[2799] They just get fucked up.

[2800] Yeah, go to the casino, get messed up.

[2801] Yeah, that outside of Seattle area is very different than the Seattle area.

[2802] Like, people look at Washington State.

[2803] They go, oh, yeah, Seattle.

[2804] Well, sort of.

[2805] Go an hour outside of Seattle, and you've got that place.

[2806] where that enum claw, where that guy got fucked to death by the horse.

[2807] Well, they used to have no laws on whether or not people can have sex with animals.

[2808] So people flocked to there and moved in.

[2809] They started farms and filmed them fucking animals and having animals fuck them.

[2810] Like, that's an hour outside of Seattle.

[2811] Yes.

[2812] So don't get it twisted.

[2813] Washington State's a crazy place.

[2814] It's got a lot of great spots in it, but it's a crazy place.

[2815] But Seattle is not representative of most, like California.

[2816] You know, everybody thinks that L .A. is like California.

[2817] Okay, go to Bakersfield It's not that far away Yeah Take a drive Take a drive You know Up to some of the weird fucking spot Near the mountains Off the 118 I remember the first time Even when I went to Sacramento When I landed at the airport I'm like what the fuck This is California Exactly Go to Fontana They used to call it Fontucky When we were doing Fear Factor out there Yeah Dude I know there was a place Nearby where Meth Lab blew up In this guy's backyard Yeah Guy had to fucking Meth Lab in his backyard, normal, regular, everyday California community.

[2818] California, we think of California, everybody immediately thinks of like Beverly Hills, Hollywood.

[2819] Just drive an hour outside in any direction, you might as well be in Oklahoma, you know?

[2820] There's a lot of spots in California that are fucked up.

[2821] Wow.

[2822] That drive up to San Francisco where you go through all the agricultural towns.

[2823] If you're a kid, your mom shit you out in one of these towns, you know, to go to these local schools and like, Jesus.

[2824] Christ, and you know, you're just a two -hour drive to L .A. If you could just get a car, just get a car, you could fucking end this nonsense.

[2825] So a moment in high school, the moment you get some freedom, your friend's got a fucking car, and you got a full tank of gas, let's do it.

[2826] We're going into L .A.?

[2827] Let's go to L .A. You drive down and wish you lived here.

[2828] You see all the civilized people, no dirt roads.

[2829] Just wish.

[2830] You wish you could be here.

[2831] So this funky, fucking agricultural town with right -ring Republican billboards.

[2832] It's everywhere you go.

[2833] It's all these different Republican candidates for president and senator.

[2834] And they're super right wing up there.

[2835] And they're fighting over water now.

[2836] And now when you drive up there, it's all these things about water rights.

[2837] Like, you know, go to this website, check out this.

[2838] We need, you know, we need to establish our water rights.

[2839] It's weird.

[2840] Almonds apparently suck up a bunch of it.

[2841] Can we just stop using almonds?

[2842] If we just, no almonds and no golf, how much water would we have?

[2843] Fuckload.

[2844] Ammons?

[2845] Yeah.

[2846] Almonds apparently talk.

[2847] It takes a lot of water to make an almond.

[2848] Yeah.

[2849] I think it still wouldn't help, though.

[2850] It would only help a little.

[2851] They say apparently this is the worst drought that California has ever on record, and that we're four years into this fucked up drought, that they need something like 11 trillion gallons of water just to break even, and the unlikelyhood of that happening.

[2852] pump it out of Houston they're about to get flooded tomorrow again yeah right if they can't pump oil out of Houston why can they pump water yeah because we don't use as much oil as we use water that's why I answer my own question all right jim florentine let's uh wrap this podcast up anything else you want to say to the people uh no that's it man it's a pleasure doing the podcast it's a pleasure having you on fella absolutely man good to see it's been a long time yeah it has been a long time.

[2853] Mr. Jim Florentine on Twitter.

[2854] Jim Florentine .com, right?

[2855] Yeah.

[2856] Facebook, got all that jazz?

[2857] Yeah, all that shit.

[2858] Do you Periscope?

[2859] No. No?

[2860] Well, Brian Redband does.

[2861] Brian Redband has had 10 ,000 people watching him at once.

[2862] That's great.

[2863] It's a highlight of his life.

[2864] It's too much.

[2865] I can't.

[2866] Can't do it.

[2867] Yeah.

[2868] Yeah.

[2869] I don't know.

[2870] Like I said, I'll wait for six months.

[2871] There'll be a new one, and I'll jump on that.

[2872] There will be, or Periscope will be undeniable.

[2873] It'll be too late.

[2874] We'll be at the comedy store.

[2875] Wednesday night.

[2876] There's a new material show at 8 o 'clock, and then I'm doing that, and then I'm doing the show at 10 o 'clock with these two fine gentlemen.

[2877] And then this weekend, Friday and Saturday, I'm at the belly room.

[2878] I'm in the belly room at the store with Ian Edwards.

[2879] Until then, all right, bye -bye.