#1448 - Joey Diaz

[0] And we're live, Joey Diaz.

[1] My brother.

[2] How you feeling?

[3] Like a new fucking man, rested.

[4] I know, rested, right?

[5] Rested, very rested.

[6] I looked at it at this as a reset button.

[7] As soon as I came back from Vegas, I knew what time it was.

[8] February 29th, it was at 50 % capacity.

[9] Yeah, we were there a week later.

[10] We were there when Tommy was at the Mirage.

[11] And the UFC had their Vegas, the Las Vegas card.

[12] It was a ghost town, not even half full.

[13] I mean, a week after you, you were at 50 % capacity.

[14] It was probably dropping less than that.

[15] 30.

[16] It was at 30.

[17] But the UFC was packed.

[18] It was packed.

[19] Yeah.

[20] And then I came to the comedy store March 2nd, and that's when I could smell it in the fucking air.

[21] When I went into the green room, bro, when I saw all those people in the green room, I basically had a fucking panic of the time.

[22] Exactly, yeah, and I went right to the door.

[23] There's a street door in the back of the Eddie Murphy door.

[24] If he comes back, that's what we'll call it, the Eddie Murphy door.

[25] This house is going to get in it out of there.

[26] Yeah, they're going to have to have guards to get in there.

[27] So I went to the Eddie Murphy door, and I stayed there, and you could just see people in the audience, like nothing was going on.

[28] And I just got, I just got, like, I was shattered by Saturday.

[29] And remember, I was supposed to be in New York for St. Patty's Day.

[30] And the Monday before, I was supposed to be in New York.

[31] New York, the 16th, and 17th with a show at Nyack on the 12th, and I saw it happening.

[32] I went to a doctor for a shot on my knee to get the gel for the arthritis, and he said that you might have a weird reaction to it.

[33] And sure enough, Tuesday, I went to boxing class, and the guy goes, dog, your leg is bruised.

[34] So I had a little bruising on my leg, and I got home, and that night on the news that hit New Rochelle.

[35] And I go, wait a second, New Rochelle and Nyack, they're like fucking neighbors.

[36] you know my memory of mind and I served me right but in my mind that's all clustered it's all pretty on top of everything so I sent a letter to a picture that my need of the producers and I said I'm not coming in because they wanted me to come in Thursday for a wardrobe and then I was just going to sit in my hotel room for two days you know go to jersey and eat shit like that so even during all this they were still planning on filming and this is for the sopranos movie so we were going to do a couple shoots and reshoots and not reshoot an extra scene.

[37] So that Tuesday, when I got home, New Rochelle had buses, I sent them a picture of my knee, and said, I'm not getting on a plane until Friday.

[38] I want the swelling to go down.

[39] But it doesn't take a fucking, I got a GED.

[40] And when I was in New York City of May, I went by the garden to eat lunch.

[41] I wanted to get out of my hotel room, and I went to the garden on the side.

[42] You could sit there at 12 o 'clock, and they have everything.

[43] Steak sandwiches, whatever you want.

[44] Pretty fucking good, too.

[45] Trucks?

[46] No. They have a bill.

[47] that has foods inside and have some truck and you could sit outside.

[48] Fucking beautiful.

[49] But while I was sitting there, it was a Tuesday, I was off from shooting.

[50] And I remember calling my wife and specifically saying, I like it here and everything.

[51] But if Godzilla comes out of Hudson River, where all these people can't go?

[52] Yeah.

[53] If you sit in New York City of Manhattan, like on the 50s and just sit there at a cafe, you could estimate, I mean, it's like, man. maybe 10 ,000 for every 10 minutes that you sit there, people that walk by you.

[54] We don't have that foot traffic in L .A., like there's in New York.

[55] There's a little bit of foot traffic downtown, but Sunset Strip, that ship sailed.

[56] You don't see people walking around the Sunset Strip, Hollywood Boulevard, but not to the dense, you know.

[57] No, not to the numbers of New York.

[58] So what was there no fucking brain?

[59] This is a GED here.

[60] This is me sitting there going, this is going to happen.

[61] I just kept cutting it down.

[62] And my biggest fear was going to the East Coast and getting stuck.

[63] It could happen.

[64] I would have had to buy a truck and Cadillac and drove back.

[65] I was already prepared.

[66] I was like, I'm going to buy a truck and drive back.

[67] Do you think you could do that drive?

[68] That's a long -ass fucking drive.

[69] I could do that.

[70] I've done that drive 20 times.

[71] What is it?

[72] Five days?

[73] Five days, four days.

[74] Four days?

[75] You got to do, like, what, 16 hours a day?

[76] Yeah.

[77] It's hard to stay awake.

[78] I did Colorado, New Jersey.

[79] Jersey, like the back of my hand.

[80] How far's that?

[81] In the early 80s, three.

[82] What is it from here to Colorado?

[83] Like, here to Denver?

[84] I think 16.

[85] 16.

[86] Here to Utah, Salt Lake is 10?

[87] 10.

[88] That's a good one.

[89] Did you do that one?

[90] That's a good escape.

[91] That's a good escape.

[92] Have you done that?

[93] No, I have not.

[94] But I've done Vegas multiple times, right?

[95] Vegas is about four and a half.

[96] Four and a half, yeah.

[97] And then you go another six -ish, somewhere in that range.

[98] You get to Salt Lake, depending on traffic.

[99] Salt Lake, you go to Salt Lake City of five.

[100] in the afternoon, like, oh, fuck, rush hour.

[101] Hey, where's the cars?

[102] They just fly by.

[103] There's no one there.

[104] There's nobody there.

[105] And now, it took me 10 minutes to get here.

[106] We thought, I thought Salt Lake City was like millions.

[107] I thought it was like millions of people.

[108] It's not millions.

[109] What did we figure it out, Jamie?

[110] It's like a couple hundred thousand?

[111] What a cool fucking place.

[112] I love it.

[113] I love Salt Lake City.

[114] It's so underrated.

[115] Because the moment, the Mormons put a stink on it.

[116] Nobody knows dick about dick.

[117] They got Rifa, bongs, grenades.

[118] Great Mexican food.

[119] Great food.

[120] Did you go to that one, there's one famous Mexican joint, something lizard?

[121] I was walking around and some guy goes, Joey Dears, I got the perfect spot for you.

[122] He seemed cool.

[123] He dropped me to a Mexican joint.

[124] What is that?

[125] There's a one famous Mexican spot in, how, did you get the number?

[126] It says estimated is 200K, but the metro area is 1 .2 million, so I don't know.

[127] Yeah, that's like, that goes all the way out to the mountains.

[128] 1 .2 million.

[129] That's nothing.

[130] Yeah, that's nothing.

[131] $200 ,000 in the city When you see those pop, when people And then I started hearing They were going to cancel Coachella And I'm like, then I got to cancel Coachella, they're too fucking greedy They cancel Coachella Dog old people That's what's in Palm Springs.

[132] Well, once they cancel South by Southwest, I was like Whoa, like, whoa, this is crazy The store was planning on keeping the OR open And they canceled my show in the main room And they offered me a spot in the OR I was like, I don't think we should be doing shows like this just doesn't seem like this seems like it's getting real it's like because if you make a mistake and there's a 14 day period where all these people can get infected who the fuck knows who gets infected during those 14 days it's so because we didn't know what it was yet it's still we don't know what it's still strange because so many people idraselba apparently is asymptomatic he's not showing any symptoms and he has asthma and uh i was reading something find out if this is true that somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 % of the people are asymptomatic and I wonder if that means they never show symptoms or I wonder if that means they're asymptomatic for a certain period of time so 60 % of the people infected are asymptomatic but a certain percentage of those people ultimately get the cold or get the cough and all the terrible symptoms the fever because you really ask listen you know a lot of people and i know a lot of people and nobody's called me yet that has it i have michael yo michael yo was almost dead michael yo went to new york city did gotham he came back he got real sick he got yes yes yes he got pneumonia and the covid 19 at the same time so he got coronavirus and pneumonia and he said now now six days ago i talked to him two days ago he said four four days before that he thought he was going to die he's like i couldn't breathe.

[133] N pneumonia and this coronavirus.

[134] I think this motherfucker wouldn't, it like plays with you.

[135] If you don't have it, if you don't get it, you can kind of like, oh, well, this is no big deal, but if you do get it, it fucking grabs you.

[136] Like Jamie knows a girl who's 21, who lost her sense of smell and taste.

[137] And it just, it wrecks people.

[138] We were Googling a story about this Olympic swimmer from South Africa, 31, stud athlete.

[139] Big Swimmer.

[140] He said this virus fucked him up.

[141] He said it was the worst thing he's ever experienced.

[142] So it's weird.

[143] It's like it plays with our mind.

[144] Like it makes some people seem like they're immune and some people are fine and maybe it's you.

[145] Take a chance.

[146] Go outside.

[147] Take a chance.

[148] Go to a restaurant.

[149] Take a chance.

[150] Go to the beach.

[151] Let's go to the beach.

[152] What's the worst thing that can happen?

[153] Fuck it.

[154] Eat a crack close asshole.

[155] Go deep.

[156] Fuck it.

[157] And then boom.

[158] A bunch of people in your family get it.

[159] And then boom.

[160] Your grand.

[161] You're My grandma dies.

[162] Look at Italy.

[163] You know what happened in Italy?

[164] Look at Italy.

[165] They just went out.

[166] They all live together.

[167] Yep.

[168] They all live together.

[169] Nothing wrong with that.

[170] That's how people are where I came from.

[171] There's supposed to be like that.

[172] There's a basement.

[173] Your grandmother and grandfather live in a basement.

[174] Your parents live on the second floor and you live on the third floor.

[175] Boom.

[176] We hang out together.

[177] The Footsco family.

[178] God bless them.

[179] From Freehold, New Jersey.

[180] They lost four people.

[181] From a family reunion.

[182] They went to like a...

[183] Oh, yeah.

[184] I saw that.

[185] And I saw that one.

[186] that the guy had the 309th, the 40th birthday party, and they all got on planes afterward and went off to different parts of the country.

[187] Family from New Jersey was not very old either.

[188] No. The youngest one that died, I think, was 55.

[189] I think it's somewhere in that range.

[190] Am I do, do I have the mask on?

[191] Am I jumping up and down at Rouse, buying groceries?

[192] No. Am I going, I stopped, you know, I went to one boxing class after that thing that was announced, and I was like, you know what?

[193] This is too personal.

[194] We got to give it a chance I got a bag at the house I got kettle bags at the house Everything can be done out of my house Yeah if you're a person and you want to work out There's so many YouTube videos Or just body weight workouts You can get a fucking amazing workout with nothing You don't need any equipment You just do burpees and push -ups And body weight squats and lunges There's plenty of working out to do folks And it's free It's a beautiful thing about YouTube There's so many really good fitness instructors That just put their stuff out there for free because they want people to follow them.

[195] And, you know, you can get a ton of great body weight workouts.

[196] You don't need nothing.

[197] And if you need weights, folks, you can pick shit up around your house and you could do a great workout with.

[198] I'm sure you've got a can of paint somewhere that probably weighs 15 pounds.

[199] You know, people have things laying around.

[200] Oh, you know how I started doing?

[201] What?

[202] Because it was fucking with me, meditate.

[203] Mm -hmm.

[204] I had to go back to meditating.

[205] We do.

[206] What kind of meditating are you doing?

[207] So what I do is I hit the bag.

[208] Like, I broke my workout.

[209] Because now you can't do that long workout now Because what are you going to do for the other day For the restoration day, the recovery day Right So there's no recovery in my world Just easy workouts every day 15 minutes Yeah, nice Hitting the bag Hitting the bag is very essential During this time Hitting the bag is very essential Get the yaya's out Get the yaya's out You're punching You look at anything Benefits over 40 for boxing Benefits over 50 The number one benefit is stress You know For a couple days their dog I was getting scared I wasn't I'm not scared of it but I respect it there's a big difference I respect what's going on something's going on I'm not a fucking scientist have you ever been here in an earthquake yes for me it's the same feeling but more magnified it's like okay this is all right but what is it like if it gets worse right are you scared of earthquakes oh yeah where were you in July I was on fucking stage we were we were home I didn't even feel it I didn't even feel it I was on a stage in Huntington Beach, and the room shit.

[210] And I just kept going.

[211] I just kept going.

[212] Fuck, if a beam falls and hits me, this is it.

[213] But you felt it while you were on stage.

[214] Did you talk about it?

[215] I couldn't let them get scared.

[216] Oh.

[217] I could not let them get scared because not you lose the audience.

[218] I had 250 people in there.

[219] I know.

[220] So I could not let them get scared.

[221] How far into your act were you?

[222] 22 minutes.

[223] It was brilliant.

[224] It was perfect.

[225] I was just thinking about the other day.

[226] That was one of my best times I had the last year doing stand -up, right in the middle.

[227] I'm on stage and I had to calm them down So I just went into a rant So they didn't get scared Yeah Yeah my last show I did was like a Tuesday Or a Wednesday at the improv I forget maybe a Wednesday Did one show, 8 p .m. show Great fun time But I was like I think this is it This is the last show for a long time I didn't want somebody to say they went to the improv Right I didn't want somebody to say That they got at the comedy story you'll never shake that.

[228] The thing is you'll never know.

[229] There's no way anybody could dial it into one person where you got it from.

[230] That's the weird thing is we're constantly interacting with people and touching surfaces.

[231] And according to these cruise liners, that they're testing where these people were sick, even people that are asymptomatic.

[232] It shows the virus stays on surfaces for as much as 17 days.

[233] That's a new discovery.

[234] They thought it was three days before that.

[235] Now they're realizing even in asymptomatic people, people that don't.

[236] These get the spray It's weird It's a fucking weird virus man It's real weird Real weird My friend Dr. Peter Atia Was saying that most people 55 and under They seem to just get a cold I mean they're fine They feel like shit for a while But they get over it He said but then there's this 28 year old fitness instructor That one of his friends is treating Who's a doctor And he's guys on a ventilator He's a fitness fitness instructor.

[237] And they're like there could be genetic conditions, predispositions, and then they're also, it might be vaping.

[238] They think that vaping might have something to do with damaging some people's lungs, you know, or cigarette smoking.

[239] Cigarette smoking is a bad one.

[240] And they think that that might have contributed to a lot of deaths in Italy and in China.

[241] They smoke over that, Jackson.

[242] Yep.

[243] In China and in Italy, they outsmoke us and they have less cancer in China.

[244] See, the thing is, are we sure they have less cancer?

[245] Like, when they say they have deaths, like how many deaths they have out of China, do you believe those numbers?

[246] I don't trust a fucking word of it.

[247] They're trying to say that this is an American disease.

[248] That's what the Chinese people are, there's some propaganda network from China that's, I don't know what's connected to the government or what, or maybe there's people just fucking around.

[249] Maybe it's people trying to be funny.

[250] But they're putting out that this is a man -made disease that was so.

[251] spread in China by the United States government.

[252] So who the fuck are you trusting?

[253] I'm not trusting.

[254] I trust Italy when it comes to the numbers because I think they're being pretty honest about what a disaster it is.

[255] But China's trying to make it seem like everything's bouncing back now.

[256] I don't buy it.

[257] They opened up the movie theaters.

[258] In China?

[259] You bet you go to the fucking movies.

[260] Like one person went to one movie movie.

[261] Oh my God.

[262] Watch a horror movie where you're in this fucking theater just wondering if everything you touch is eventually going to kill you?

[263] Fuck.

[264] Apparently, um, they were saying also that it has something to do with blood type and they don't know why, but a lot of the fatalities were blood type A. They seem to be vulnerable or maybe it's just a coincidence.

[265] They, see, they don't have enough data yet, you know, especially here, like reliable data that we can trust here in America.

[266] They don't have enough yet.

[267] So when I, uh, when I think about it, what gets me is that same feeling like an earthquake.

[268] Like once an earthquake hits, you're like, oh, all right.

[269] Well, we're okay right now, but now we know that this can happen.

[270] Like, the first one I ever experienced, I was the first year here.

[271] I had an apartment in North Hollywood, and it was a thin place.

[272] Like, you could hear the next door neighbor.

[273] She would get phone calls.

[274] I would hear her answer machine go off, because this is the 90s, and I would hear the person talking on her answering machine.

[275] I could hear every conversation she heard, she had, like it was through a towel.

[276] Like, that's how thin it was.

[277] It was a shitty apartment.

[278] But when the earthquake hit, the apartment just went.

[279] like this.

[280] And I remember thinking, this is like when you're a kid and you're playing in a refrigerator box.

[281] Remember those refrigerator boxes?

[282] We would get them on the street and we were all climbing them and fuck around, but they were flimsy.

[283] I'm like, this house felt like a refrigerator box.

[284] It just started moving like this.

[285] And it wasn't even a big earthquake.

[286] It was like a five something, like a five five or something like that.

[287] It wasn't a huge one.

[288] They say it was an aftershock from Northridge.

[289] He just started doing this.

[290] It was moving back and forth and I was like, whoa I didn't think it was going to be like that I thought the ground would shake I thought it'd be like you feel your feet moving it's not everything just goes left and right everything just shifts like the the ground is made out of like it's sand or something like instantly it just becomes pliable it's weird I saw the cat drinking water and all of a sudden I saw the cat in the air and the bowl in the air that's how much of a dip it made I heard it looked like you know like you're on the computer and something and you look yeah and I looked and I saw the cat drinking water and all of a sudden I saw the cat in the air and when he landed he took off and they're supposed to feel something before the earthquake I think dogs do better than cats yeah I think those indoor cats those indoor cats are done they're done once you bring them indoor a mouse runs by them they're like I'm done that that but I don't think so because my cats are alive and kicking at midnight they'll though they still have fun they're like How many do you have now?

[291] Three.

[292] You only have three?

[293] That's crazy.

[294] You were up to 11 at one point?

[295] Nine.

[296] You had nine?

[297] I think you had 11.

[298] You probably forgot.

[299] I had so many of them outside.

[300] I was feeding.

[301] I had so many of them.

[302] Oh, that's right.

[303] You had a bunch of feral ones that lived in the yard, too.

[304] Mark Marin has that kind of set up, too.

[305] Or at least he used to it as old place.

[306] It is fucking, I'm down to three.

[307] I'm down to three girls.

[308] All the boys punched the ticket.

[309] My favorite one died.

[310] three months ago, the little boy now.

[311] I'm down to girls.

[312] I don't know what I'm going to do.

[313] What my next move is.

[314] I'm waiting to see what the smoke clears.

[315] Maybe you've got a German Shepherd.

[316] I don't know.

[317] We should all get out of here.

[318] No shit.

[319] Legitimately.

[320] We should get out of here.

[321] No shit.

[322] This should be our wake -up call.

[323] We should all just pack up and go to Denver.

[324] This is a big wake -up call for a lot of people.

[325] This is going to be a big wake -up call.

[326] You know, there's a lot of places like Love Land, our outside of Denver.

[327] You know what I mean?

[328] Evergreen.

[329] 30 minutes outside of Denver.

[330] You know what happened to Montana?

[331] What happened to Montana?

[332] You ever hear anything about Montana?

[333] No, but here's the thing.

[334] Denver's got comedy.

[335] Utah's got comedy.

[336] You know what?

[337] Why don't we just open up a club in Montana and Billings?

[338] We could do it.

[339] That's, everybody's opening up a club in St. Louis.

[340] Everybody's opening up a club here.

[341] Do you imagine if we did if we opened up a club?

[342] You go to war to war with everybody else.

[343] Comedy, school, and fucking Billings, Montana.

[344] If we just decided to do that.

[345] When was the last time you were in Montana?

[346] Oh, six months ago or so?

[347] What did you think?

[348] I love it there.

[349] I love Bozeman.

[350] What are we waiting for?

[351] The winter's a motherfucker, though, son.

[352] That winter's real and this grizzly bears in the woods.

[353] Look who we're living through now.

[354] What is it make you realize that we can do anything?

[355] It's better.

[356] See, this makes you realize.

[357] Look, after every earthquake, a certain amount of, there's a certain percentage of Californians that wake up and say, I'm not going through that again.

[358] Right.

[359] They get up and leave.

[360] There's certain Californians didn't go like me that go, oh, shit, you got to get a generator from my fat sleep apnea machine.

[361] and every time you go to the supermarket, buy two of something.

[362] Yeah.

[363] Two cans of cream corn, buy two cans of this.

[364] You go in my fucking garage.

[365] I'm good.

[366] Yeah, you got to have dried stuff.

[367] I'm good.

[368] I'm good.

[369] You know why?

[370] Because I'm a child of the 60s.

[371] When I was growing up, every building you moved in, they had a fallout shelter, you dumb fucks.

[372] Oh, yeah, we forgot about those.

[373] Nobody remembers the fucking fallout shelter.

[374] And they had Tang and fucking TV dinners down there.

[375] And every once in a while, your building would run a fucking thing.

[376] The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming.

[377] And you have to run to the basement and close the door, and they had like a vent.

[378] And in grammar schools, you had to go down to the basement and they'd give you, like, the fucking tang juice and all that shit.

[379] I forgot about fallout shelters were at East Coast thing, right?

[380] Fuck, yeah.

[381] Nobody remembers the fallout shelter.

[382] So I've always lived like it's the fallout shelter.

[383] I always had a back situation.

[384] I got weed till fucking Tunduzzi.

[385] Your family came over here when?

[386] 66.

[387] But they had been over here already.

[388] They had been over here since the 50s, fucking around, numbers, whatever the fuck my mom was doing, whatever the fuck my dad was doing.

[389] So they were already hip.

[390] They made it official in 66.

[391] So when I was being raised here, my first couple of years in this country were we were living under fear.

[392] Vietnam was going on.

[393] They had just killed Kennedy, and now they'd just killed, because I was alive and kicking when Sehan Seahon.

[394] and killed Robbery Kennedy.

[395] So it was a different time then.

[396] We were living in a little fear.

[397] Cubans had pointed missiles at us.

[398] Us and the Russians weren't that fucking cool.

[399] So that's why the fallout shelter was big.

[400] Just in case they threw a bomb at us, we'd go downstairs to a basement and live in something like that.

[401] So I think what fucked with me was the Yor -Romero fight.

[402] The night of the Yor -Merroro fight, I was invited to a friend's house to watch the fight.

[403] And I pretty much had a nervous break.

[404] from the fear of leaving the house.

[405] Really?

[406] Because of the...

[407] Because of the virus?

[408] Yeah.

[409] Nervous breakdowns.

[410] You didn't want to go to your friend's house?

[411] Best guy in the world.

[412] But you were like, I got to stay home.

[413] Four people.

[414] You never know.

[415] I asked them if they were cool.

[416] He goes, yeah.

[417] I go, nobody's been to China.

[418] Nobody's been...

[419] No, because that's the problem.

[420] See, I knew it was going to infect...

[421] Look at the skier that went skiing and the New Rochelle, the Jewish guy that went to the synagogue.

[422] Well, the two dudes he went skiing with Iron Encinio in critical condition, or they were.

[423] He went in a group.

[424] Then he went to the synagogue in New Rochelle and spread it all around.

[425] He should be the most popular guy in the neighborhood today.

[426] You know what I'm saying?

[427] That guy, like, nobody wants to talk to them for that.

[428] So he brought it there from Italy.

[429] He went skiing in Italy.

[430] He couldn't go to fucking Rivetown, Wyoming or fucking Utah or fucking Aspen.

[431] He had to go to Italy, like a big shot.

[432] Well, he probably planned a trip to Italy long before him.

[433] I don't give a fuck.

[434] Go to Aspen, you fuck.

[435] Go to Riverton, Wyoming.

[436] That's the best.

[437] Right, but he wanted to eat pasta in Italy and go skiing.

[438] I don't give a fuck.

[439] They got pasta in, fucking Utah.

[440] But before this.

[441] That shit drives me fucking crazy.

[442] That shit.

[443] That shit.

[444] Well, you can't go to Ajax.

[445] You can't go to Ajax?

[446] Nobody wants to ski Ajax.

[447] You can't go to Ajax.

[448] You got to go all the way to fucking Italy to go skiing, Cucket.

[449] Well, maybe he wanted to go skiing as well as go to Italy.

[450] Give me alone.

[451] You know that shit bothers me as it is.

[452] He took people down Then he came back Joe, you don't have a passport You can't leave Let me tell you something Going to Italy's awesome I know it is I didn't say that But he had to go ski He went to a ski trip in Italy Right But also In Italy So you could eat pasta And see the sites You could eat pasta in Aspen Oh And you can see the sights In Aspen Okay Do you see what I'm saying If everybody goes to Asper We're fucked No Aspen You break it up There's apparently a guy From Aspir That had it too You like it in Utah You like skiing in Utah I don't like skiing.

[453] Oh, no, you don't like skiing.

[454] No, I only ski because my family likes it.

[455] Yeah.

[456] But they enjoy Utah or Aspen?

[457] They like all those places.

[458] We've been to Aspen.

[459] Aspen's beautiful.

[460] I love it.

[461] Did you come back with the fucking, did you come back with the Hiv?

[462] No, but there was a guy.

[463] There was a guy that went there from Australia who had it.

[464] Apparently knew he had it, and he refused to self -quarantine.

[465] He went to restaurants.

[466] He rolled the bus.

[467] He went skiing.

[468] Throw him under the fucking jail.

[469] Yeah.

[470] Throw him on.

[471] See, that's the other thing about the store, that shock.

[472] me that night.

[473] Tuesdays through Thursdays.

[474] Packed.

[475] Packed with people visiting.

[476] Yep, from other seats.

[477] From overseas.

[478] From other countries.

[479] Yeah.

[480] So that started giving me the willies that night.

[481] When they canceled the store, I was happy.

[482] I'm just worried about the waitstaff.

[483] You know what?

[484] Like, we've been rock and roll in the last 10?

[485] They've been rock and roll in the last 10.

[486] Well, they're putting together some sort of fun to, I hope they do it quickly, and we're all going to be able to donate in there.

[487] I think they want to have some stream shows, too, but I don't think that's way to do it.

[488] I mean, if they do do it and they have a bunch of people almost like podcast style, maybe that would work and have like a telethon, raise money.

[489] Well, I'll tell you what.

[490] I thought about the stream thing.

[491] I like doing the stream thing.

[492] But a podcast, not stand -up.

[493] I thought, but then I saw this week with John whatever on HBO a little English.

[494] John Oliver?

[495] John Oliver?

[496] And last week he didn't have an audience.

[497] Not good?

[498] No, boy, no. Well, when no one's laughing at your model.

[499] Yeah, you need that energy.

[500] Yeah, they were doing live shows from the Laugh Factory yesterday.

[501] Was it yesterday?

[502] And it was no audience.

[503] And I was watching Jane Moore on stage for a couple of minutes before I had a panic attack and I had to shut it off.

[504] No, it's just no good.

[505] It's just no good.

[506] It's strange.

[507] It really doesn't work.

[508] It doesn't work.

[509] I wanted it to work.

[510] It's weird.

[511] And I thought that I could do it for people just to break the monotony.

[512] You know what?

[513] It's like watching someone with no voice singing in the shower.

[514] Yeah.

[515] No, no, no. Leave me the fuck alone.

[516] It's just too strange.

[517] How bored are we?

[518] How bored do you want to go?

[519] Like a 10 o 'clock, are you like, I'm fucking done out.

[520] At night?

[521] Yeah.

[522] No. I'm not bored.

[523] My wife goes to bed.

[524] The baby goes to bed.

[525] We got her on a homeschool schedule.

[526] They have an 11 o 'clock, 10 o 'clock video conference, and 11 o 'clock.

[527] Then we do math.

[528] We take a breather, and she hits the midst, too.

[529] Everybody got to hit the midst of the house.

[530] We got to get that stress out.

[531] You know what I'm saying?

[532] Good move.

[533] Good move.

[534] And everybody's on a schedule.

[535] But at night, like, this is the first.

[536] I have not been out of the house.

[537] and 21 nights.

[538] What, what it, 25th?

[539] Today's the 25th, right?

[540] Yeah, 23 nights.

[541] So, at 11 o 'clock, I got a little bored.

[542] Thank God I'm, I'm, the edibles started not working.

[543] Because you won't been too exposed to them?

[544] Yeah, I just been popping.

[545] I've been popping two, threes, you know.

[546] Yeah.

[547] I've been eating them so much like the first, like the first week of the week before, St. Patti's.

[548] I was, I was under so much personal stress.

[549] Like, I was so fearful of that plane ride to New York that I was getting fucking gazilled.

[550] I wasn't even getting stoned.

[551] Imagine if you took that flight, you would have probably caught it.

[552] I mean, that whole New York area, there's a real good chance.

[553] I had a jet blue by myself cabin.

[554] I had it all planned out, but the more I thought about it, I'm like, I don't know, guys.

[555] I don't want to be in a hotel.

[556] I know how the food service industry works.

[557] It was that very weekend that you got it That very weekend that you went That was the heat of it Yeah That was the fucking heat of it And it's still It's still just climbing Well they said it's two Two weeks It's going to reach its apex But they have You know an astounding number of cases They do however test more than California So they're more accurate In terms of their numbers There's more testing being done in New York City I think by threefold Than California it's crazy man this is a whole new time and I really hope it's a wake -up call for us it is a wake -up call this is Doug listen as jokey as this may sound or whatever I've always had a faith my faith got me to where I am a faith in what on a higher power let's call it a higher power I always had a faith in a higher power and if anybody knows about karma is me I'm the fucking postal boy for karma I know all about it.

[558] For me, this is like our higher power letting this know, like, it's a reset button.

[559] Take a look around.

[560] You guys have gotten caught up in selfies.

[561] Yeah.

[562] Like, you've gotten caught up in selfies.

[563] You know, you go see a fucking concert.

[564] It's $250 and $60 to park.

[565] You know, you go to a movie theater.

[566] You walk out, an American family can't go to a sporting, event no more.

[567] The normal American family can not go to a sporting event no more.

[568] We got a lot of control, Joe.

[569] We can't move in apartments no more.

[570] $1 ,500 for a studio.

[571] We just got greedy, man. The greed's been too much.

[572] You know, I got to feel bad for Disney losing $6 million.

[573] Suck my dick.

[574] You were charging $140 a day, cuck, sucker.

[575] $140 a day.

[576] I think that's the least of our problem.

[577] No. I think the big problem is people think this is all.

[578] life the way we're living is going to be permanent?

[579] No, no, no, it's changing for a reason.

[580] Yeah.

[581] It's changing for a reason.

[582] We were getting fucking greedy.

[583] Well, there's definitely that.

[584] And we were getting a little overzealous.

[585] But we're soft.

[586] We're soft.

[587] That's the big one.

[588] And especially we're soft right here because we don't have to deal with weather.

[589] Right here, we don't have to deal with nothing.

[590] You go outside every day.

[591] You can sleep outside.

[592] It's a beautiful.

[593] Better be alive.

[594] It's a great place to be homeless.

[595] All you need is a sleeping bag.

[596] Get under an overpass.

[597] If it does rain, it only rains 10 days a year, you'll be fine.

[598] You know, this is a great place because of that.

[599] but because of that also we're not humbled enough you know the places where people get humbled are the places where people have to deal with direct nature snowy places real cold places like uh if you go to any place that's near an ocean that's a little slap in the face like wake up bitch take a look at that you ain't shit mountains are another one same thing like you could die up there stupid there's bears up there there's mountain lines up there they're fucking killing deer with their face you don't you don't think they'll fuck you up to go go hike go hike and get lost hippie You know, like, it's a wake -up call, those places.

[600] And I think this is a wake -up call for the whole country, the whole world.

[601] There's a wake -up call.

[602] We're vulnerable.

[603] And it's also a wake -up call.

[604] I mean, I can't say this to enough people.

[605] Take care of your health.

[606] Please.

[607] It is the one defense for this that seems to be agreed upon by almost everyone.

[608] Is that if you have a strong immune system, you have a better chance to get through any sickness.

[609] And you can do something to strengthen your immune system.

[610] Your immune system is something you can work on.

[611] You know, you can work on it by cleaning up your diet.

[612] You can work on it with regular exercise.

[613] You can work on it with regular sleep.

[614] All those things have a real big impact on your immune system.

[615] Also, vitamins.

[616] Supplement with vitamins.

[617] Eat a healthy diet.

[618] Get some exercise.

[619] And if you can, get in a fucking sauna every day.

[620] Tremendous for your body producing heat shock proteins or your body reducing inflammation, alleviating stress.

[621] It's great for your cardiovascular system.

[622] It's just great for you.

[623] There's a bunch of different things you can do.

[624] You can use this as like, okay, I'm alive, and now this is a wake -up call.

[625] I'm so glad this didn't happen to me. I didn't get wrecked by this.

[626] I'm going to get my life in order.

[627] And it can be done.

[628] It's something everyone can do, and this is the time to do it.

[629] This is a good time to do it.

[630] If you're surviving and you're getting through this, this is a good time to get your health in line.

[631] What you don't know.

[632] A lot of people don't know about me is I was a sickly kid.

[633] Really?

[634] Really bad.

[635] I never believed that.

[636] From the age of four to six because of my dad dying.

[637] and my mind going somewhere.

[638] My immune system fell apart, and it was respiratory.

[639] I always got colds, always shots, you know, vaccines.

[640] I knew the people by first name at the hospital at Roosevelt Hospital in New York.

[641] I mean, it was real with me. When I was sick something, and I also have asthma.

[642] Do you really?

[643] Which went untreated.

[644] Like I just said...

[645] You have asthma still?

[646] Like my mother said, it's for faggots.

[647] Don't worry about it.

[648] You don't need a thing.

[649] You have asthma right now?

[650] I'll grow it.

[651] My daughter has it, though.

[652] Really?

[653] She has it.

[654] And now I see it in her and I go...

[655] Does she have an inhaler?

[656] Yeah, she has a little inhaler.

[657] And you don't use an inhaler at all anymore?

[658] No. Did you ever?

[659] For like a week.

[660] Then my mother goes, get rid of that.

[661] You live in New York City.

[662] You don't want to get smacked, do you?

[663] Wow, your mother's hard.

[664] So I grew up with this fucking thing.

[665] And then, when I was 16, I got put in hospital for 13 days for a lung infection.

[666] from Parraquot.

[667] So ever since then, like, I'm not supposed to smoke.

[668] I'm never supposed to smoke.

[669] When I started smoking, I would get sick for days afterward.

[670] Like, I had a jump of hurdle to smoke pot.

[671] But when you were smoking cigarettes, what about that?

[672] That was a complete, let's not even talk about that.

[673] Let's talk about the hurdles I had smoking reefer early on.

[674] I would smoke reefer, and it would be an event.

[675] I would have to take three or four days off.

[676] It would crush me for that long.

[677] Really?

[678] Then once I built the tolerance to that, then I started having to build the tolerance of who I smoked dope with.

[679] Like if I smoked dope with me, you, and Jamie, and somebody else the next day, I'd have a temperature.

[680] You'd get sick from someone.

[681] Yeah, 13, 14.

[682] So by the age of 15, I already knew how to keep my shit.

[683] Like if I smoked with you and Jamie every day, that's who I smoke with.

[684] Once somebody else comes into that circle, I would get sick.

[685] So I had to knock that out.

[686] So I had to be very aware at a young age of who I smoked with.

[687] I got sick a lot when I was competing.

[688] I wasn't taking care of myself back then.

[689] I didn't even take vitamins.

[690] I didn't take shit.

[691] I got sick a lot because I was always stressed out too because I was always nervous because it's fighting all the time.

[692] So, you know, you get ready and the week's up to a tournament, you know, that's the most stressful.

[693] And then the week of the tournament, I'd always come down with something.

[694] You know, and you wind up fighting sick.

[695] I fought sick in Anaheim.

[696] I flew out to California to fight in the nationals.

[697] I fought sick.

[698] I had three fights sick.

[699] Did we figure out what the percentage?

[700] That was an estimation that was close to 60%.

[701] Of a week ago.

[702] It said it was like 20 % though.

[703] Well, I think as time goes on, they're getting a better picture of it.

[704] Take care of your immune system kids.

[705] I've been drinking a shitload of water, too.

[706] Oh, my God.

[707] I'm peeing like crazy.

[708] kombucha.

[709] CBD oil.

[710] Yep.

[711] CBD oil for sure.

[712] I took some pet CBD.

[713] oil accidentally.

[714] I wasn't paying attention.

[715] I went to the cabinet to get some CBD oil.

[716] I'm like, man, this is tasty.

[717] What is this?

[718] It's like peanut butter or CBD oil, and I had three droppers full, and then I looked on it and said, pet.

[719] I'm like, damn, hope I'm going to be okay.

[720] I don't know what the difference is between CBDMD's pet formula and their regular formula, but I had three full droppers of their peanut butter pet formula.

[721] It was quite delicious.

[722] It was pretty good.

[723] You take a lot.

[724] I take enough supplements, vitamins, K -T -P -F.

[725] I take a lot of things.

[726] You know, like I said, I've cut down the reef for a little bit throughout this.

[727] I was going like through a half ounce, maybe a week.

[728] Enjoying some bong hits.

[729] Now I'm down for like an eighth a week.

[730] I've got fucking a couple ounces at the house.

[731] Go off edibles.

[732] I'm enjoying the time, just to really, relaxing time of no pressure of things to do, you know, no shows to go to, stay home every night, hang out with the girls.

[733] I'm enjoying it.

[734] I don't watch the news.

[735] Yeah.

[736] That's what was fucking with me. The first week, I'm until I had that little nervous breakdown on the seventh, that was really fucking with me. And then I said, that's it.

[737] I went back to my roots.

[738] I went back to Boulder.

[739] I took it back to the Ropa Institute, bitch.

[740] And I took it back to the meditation.

[741] So what I would do is I'd hit the bag.

[742] 15 and then to come down I'd stretch and just do yoga poses and breathe and then end with like a long fucking meditation and get some vitamin D I do everything outside in the back of the house I got a little backyard hidden I think that hitting the bag is a kind of meditation yes I really do yes I think if you really can just concentrate on your breath yeah that's what I do I focus on my breathing And I do three minutes, 30 seconds off.

[743] I try to do five sets of that.

[744] But then after that, the stretch has really helped me. Oh, yeah.

[745] Now I have no cryotherapy.

[746] I got no acupuncture.

[747] None of those things.

[748] It's cryo closed?

[749] Cryos closed.

[750] Yeah.

[751] I stayed away for the last two weeks.

[752] I did a little Novitor, which is the red lights until about 10 days ago.

[753] Yeah.

[754] And then this started getting a little serious.

[755] And I go, you know what?

[756] let's start just cutting down in this whole thing.

[757] And then last weekend I see what was going on at the parks and shit.

[758] There's a park close to my house.

[759] I said, let me go over there and make a few calls.

[760] I'm like, this is crazy down here.

[761] Look at these people.

[762] Packed.

[763] They're on top of each other.

[764] Yeah.

[765] And if I'm running behind you, that makes no sense.

[766] They're all running the same way.

[767] Are you running right into it?

[768] You're running right into it.

[769] And I got a GED.

[770] Joe, this is what kills me. I got a GED.

[771] and I'm sitting there watching these fucking morons run behind each other you know like yeah all of a sudden you're fucking Rocky but you're sucking that guy's breathed and the chick behind you sucking her breath then oh my god and the chick behind you and they all run in the same direction 10 feet away from each other so I knew it a race would be a great way to get sick oh the cops tell them get out of the park the cops are pulling in the park going to listen what are we doing here but you can be by yourself right I saw some people hitting the pads at the park where someone was holding pads for somebody.

[772] You could do that.

[773] You got some space away from each.

[774] You can get a little workout in.

[775] But there's always going to be that good that's going to come up to you.

[776] Yeah.

[777] There's always that dude.

[778] Hey, man, aren't you worried about the coronavirus?

[779] I have to take the racehorse out early.

[780] My daughter's a racehorse.

[781] So at 8 .45, I give my wife a break, and I just take it for a little stroke.

[782] Just wear her out a little?

[783] Just to wear her out a little bit.

[784] We play badminton.

[785] Whatever the fuck that is, the tennis with the fly.

[786] Yeah.

[787] I throw a whiff of balls out.

[788] I was telling the lead the other day.

[789] In the heat of all this, I'm there at 9 .15 for a reason.

[790] They got the playground sealed off, and then they got a huge fucking park.

[791] And for some reason, everybody got to walk out of walking between me and my daughter.

[792] Talk about the second person, I had to say something.

[793] Really?

[794] Really?

[795] You can't walk around.

[796] You got to walk in between.

[797] People can't have enough.

[798] They test your fucking wits.

[799] Well, they don't change their behavior.

[800] The best was the guy that watched me playing with my daughter.

[801] And I could see him out of the corner of my eye, Joe Rog.

[802] And I could see him, I could see him whispering to the wife, some stupid shit.

[803] And what does he do?

[804] He starts walking towards me. And I'm not even paying attention to him, but I am.

[805] I'm watching him through this fucking vision.

[806] I'm watching him.

[807] I'm playing with my daughter throwing the woof of ball, and he's walking towards me. He finally had to stop, and he goes, hi, I just wanted this shit.

[808] I go, stop!

[809] He just looked at me, and I felt terrible for him.

[810] But this is what's actually going on.

[811] They still want to shake your hand.

[812] Yeah, people try to shake your hand still.

[813] They still want to shake your hand.

[814] I'm like, it's not going to happen.

[815] Stop, right there.

[816] I go, hit me on Twitter, and I'll hit your back.

[817] But that's it.

[818] I don't want to hug.

[819] I don't want to know nobody.

[820] you gotta tell me I want to hear yeah unless you're showing in here with a fucking envelope which I don't see you have don't come close to me at all people did did they're not changing their behavior no that some people there's a number of people right so some people paying attention to everything some people are over cautious I went to the fucking supermarket this lady had goggles on and she had I mean not goggles but big Jackie Onassis dark sunglasses a fucking face mask with these giant gloves on and she's walking away from everybody like everyone's a bomb and she's doing her grocery shop and I'm like okay well you've gone too far this is a little ridiculous and then I'm looking at other people that are acting like there's nothing wrong and they try to shake your hand and then there's people that are paying attention too much so they've they've become paranoid and they're not even living their life and then there's other people that aren't paying attention at all they're barely paying attention I'm in the middle I'm in the middle I know I have to live my life that means I don't have to go to 7 -11 for nothing yeah 7 -11 is filthy I don't have to go on there for nothing okay nothing I got rolling papers everything in my house lighters I got lighters till the next millennium I can light myself up ten times with the lighters I got I'm not you know I'm not putting myself in a bad position you know you've been quarantined Jamie's been quarantined Jamie I didn't go to fun you know there's somebody that tonight there'll be a concert they'll go where no if I tell you that tonight there's a concert they'll go if it was there was there's still well Liberty University is letting students back in today Jesus is going to look out for him Yeah There was an article On CNN They were shown Liberty University Opening up its doors again Students Like this just started You fucks You can't just You know Where do you think we are right now Beginning You really think we're in the beginning Yes Yes You don't think we're good till mid -May Listen it keeps accelerating every day If it's accelerating every day That means it's at the beginning Every day there's more cases Every day there's more people getting sick Now didn't he say yesterday I don't quote me on this.

[821] He's talking about Easter.

[822] Yeah, because it's a very special day to him.

[823] See, he said it's a special day.

[824] Like, this virus doesn't give a fuck what day you think Jesus came out of the ground.

[825] This virus doesn't give a fuck.

[826] And if you don't respect it, people are going to die.

[827] And there's people like the lieutenant governor, I think, is who he is of Texas, who is like we should take a risk with older people just to get the economy back in line.

[828] And people are like, whoa, what are you saying?

[829] You think we should get the economy back in line and by doing the economy, some old people are going to have to die.

[830] You're ready to sacrifice people for money.

[831] Yeah, older people would rather die than let COVID -19 harm U .S. economy, Texas official said, older people would rather die.

[832] This is what he says.

[833] Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick.

[834] Okay.

[835] Yeah, and, you know, he's saying that he's in that high -risk category himself because he's 70.

[836] You notice these politicians are terrified that this is going to lead to an economic disaster, and their name's going to be stuck on it.

[837] I think they were terrified at first that they had to act, they had to close things down, but they didn't have a plan.

[838] And now they realize, like, oh, my God, this might have to stay locked down for a long time.

[839] What happens to the economy?

[840] Yeah, you didn't have a plan.

[841] No one had a plan.

[842] So they locked everything down, and now they're like, listen, this could last a long time.

[843] We've got to start the rumblings now.

[844] of getting this ball rolling again, because if this goes six, seven months, and no one's working, no one can go outside their house for six, seven months.

[845] Like, this is crazy.

[846] We won't have any money, and China's going to take over.

[847] Tucker Carlson had this whole piece he did that I saw that it was actually pretty accurate, you know, where he's talking about what could be possible.

[848] Like, he was talking about how the NBA, did you see that whole segment where the NBA, They had said something about China, and then you see all these people that were praising China and saying positive things about China.

[849] What was the reason behind that, Jamie?

[850] You're an NBA guy.

[851] The GM for the Houston Rockets tweeted, like, support for Hong Kong.

[852] That's right.

[853] That's right.

[854] It was support for Hong Kong, and then China got pissed at that.

[855] So then they started tweeting nice things about China.

[856] And they started...

[857] Well, at the time that happened, there was like NBA teams in China doing games.

[858] Right.

[859] And they just come back and then they started asking all of them what they thought about this.

[860] And then, like, LeBron started supporting China, I think, and then everyone jumped on them and, like, like, money over people, I think.

[861] Well, you mean that they face consequences for supporting Hong Kong.

[862] Yeah.

[863] Well, what Tucker Carlson was saying in this piece was that imagine if that's the whole country, like, understand that, like, if China's the ruler of the world, of China becomes the ruler of the world, not the United States, because of something like this, like, this is all really possible.

[864] Like, the idea that the United States is the ruler of the world, so it has to stay the ruler of the world forever.

[865] No, natural disasters, disease, fucking asteroid impact, there's a bunch of different things that could shift the balance of power in the world.

[866] Rome used to run everything, right the you know there's Europe England the UK England used to run half the fucking planet there's a lot of different countries that were on top of the world that are no longer on top of the world and we would be in a real sticky situation if we had to live under the same military dictatorship that China does and the idea that we would never have to live under that we can't we're America well that's ridiculous because we're human beings and other human beings are stuck in a circumstance where they're living under a military dictatorship.

[867] So there's no difference between them and us other than culture and the place where they live.

[868] That shifts.

[869] Things change with natural disaster, with disease, with failure of the economy, with war, with all these different factors, things change.

[870] And our perception, much like our perception of our society itself, it's always going to be like this.

[871] And all of a sudden, this disease comes along and shuts everything down.

[872] You're like, whoa, that's a fucking wake -up call.

[873] You need to recognize that this is kind of fragile.

[874] Well, the whole system is fragile.

[875] If those things happen, natural disaster, disease, war, anything catastrophic happens, the balance of power completely shifts.

[876] And who knows whose control the survivors are under?

[877] Who knows?

[878] Who knows how this works out?

[879] This is all real touch and go right now.

[880] This is real touch and go.

[881] This is uncharted territory where we have slipped into a place where no one's working and everyone's scared and the president wants to go back to work on Easter because it's a special day to him.

[882] And Joe Biden can't talk.

[883] The guy was running for fucking president for the Democrats can't talk.

[884] Did you see the latest shit?

[885] Tim Dillon sent me two videos.

[886] He's like, what the fuck is going on?

[887] Like he's in a cognitive decline.

[888] Governor in New York, Cuomo, put him in, put him in, coach, put him in.

[889] You want a guy to run for president that makes sense?

[890] You a guy who's an intelligent guy, who's a strong leader, who's got a lot of experience.

[891] He's impressed the fuck out of me the last two weeks.

[892] He's impressed the fuck out of me, too.

[893] And when he's like, fuck opening up, human lives, count more than money.

[894] He's impressed me. I'll tell you who else has impressed me. I don't know.

[895] See, you can't say nothing because you're always going to be wrong.

[896] There's always a knock.

[897] Well, he, but Joey, you're wrong because he's declined the woman's abortion act.

[898] There's always something.

[899] That's true.

[900] That's the argument they had about him.

[901] even know what it is.

[902] I don't even know, and I tell you, it's always something.

[903] I don't even know what the issue is.

[904] The issue is late -term abortions.

[905] He apparently voted for.

[906] I know there's always something.

[907] And I was just making a joke, but I know there's always something.

[908] You were actually right.

[909] The other guy that's doing a good?

[910] The other guy that's doing a good job that I see, that he's communicating is Governor Newsom.

[911] Yes.

[912] He's doing a great job.

[913] I don't know what his politics are.

[914] I don't know if he's a Democratic or Republican.

[915] I just know he's stepping up and he's fighting for these people and he's making some smart choices.

[916] And you know what?

[917] I don't know.

[918] Are you a fucking scientist, Joe Rogan?

[919] Let me check.

[920] Are you a scientist?

[921] No, me neither.

[922] Go fuck ourselves.

[923] Until that time, I don't know.

[924] I do know one scientist.

[925] And she's telling me to stay the fuck home in my business.

[926] I do know three, four people work in emergency rooms that have told me it's not a fucking pretty place.

[927] No. My brother's a cop in a hospital.

[928] And he says that it's a fucking nightmare that you have to sort them out, A and B, and B, is if you have kidneyitis and A is if you have Corona.

[929] They say it's a fucking nightmare.

[930] Right, because you've got to think the same amount of people are still getting injured.

[931] Yes.

[932] And sick from other stuff.

[933] So mercy's coming in, hope is coming in, they're not Corona ships.

[934] Yeah.

[935] They don't want no corona people down there.

[936] They just want fucking, you know, they're bringing in a ship with a thousand beds.

[937] There's fucking, these goddamn cruise ships.

[938] You want to talk about a petri dish.

[939] stuck on a metal craft in the middle of the ocean breathing recirculated air with a bunch of people who were partying.

[940] Three or four or five days.

[941] And around you is the ocean, and if you fall in, you're dead because they don't scoop anybody out.

[942] When do they ever turn the ship around and scoop somebody out when they fall overboard?

[943] Did you ever go on those cruise ships?

[944] No!

[945] No chance.

[946] For comics, it was always a death sentence.

[947] I made a mistake.

[948] No. When I was 21 with a chick, I went on a cruise ship.

[949] The one that used to go around Manhattan.

[950] So you leave at 6 o 'clock, and you're back at 6 in the morning.

[951] And they take you out far enough so you could gamble.

[952] Yeah.

[953] Play blackjack.

[954] I did that one one one one time.

[955] Nice, but I knew I wasn't going to do it again.

[956] Got out of my system.

[957] I don't want to go on a fucking cruise ship.

[958] Yeah.

[959] And as a comic, you hate to say this as a comedian?

[960] Amongst us, it's a death.

[961] It's a death sentence.

[962] Sentence.

[963] For me, they have additional work.

[964] I do got to say, though, the fucking impractical jokers, those guys did a tour on a bus, I mean on a boat, apparently everybody loved it.

[965] So it's like if you get your fans in there, a rare thing.

[966] Yeah.

[967] There's people that could pull that off.

[968] Yeah.

[969] Well, Alonzo goes on jazz tours.

[970] He does jazz cruises.

[971] You know, Alonzo Bowden is a serious jazz fan.

[972] loves jazz music loves him yesterday I love him to death he's always been the best and a clippers fan before anybody even talked about the clippers and rides a motorcycle everywhere yeah that motherfucker a badass bike yeah he's got a bunch of bikes or he's had a bunch of bikes the one BMWs got a badass bike but he was a clippers fan when they were over 92 those he was down there by himself with Costello now he's living like a doctor he's fucking yelling As soon as they got, Quimmy, I was happy just for Alonzo.

[973] That's how much I love Alonzo.

[974] I was happy just for Alonzo.

[975] Everybody loves Alonzo.

[976] Everybody.

[977] Nobody has a beef with Alonzo.

[978] Nobody.

[979] No, why would you?

[980] First, he'll break you in hand.

[981] He's giant.

[982] His fucking hands are ginormous.

[983] And he's the sweetheart.

[984] He doesn't even know he could break you in.

[985] He could break you.

[986] You'd never know that he's 6 foot 4, 250 pounds solid muscle.

[987] Whatever the fuck he is He's a tank of a man But he's just he's hilarious too He's a dude that's got great points Like here's one of his lines he said he goes Not every Trump supporter is racist But every racist is a Trump supporter There's not a whole lot of racist voting for Biden I mean maybe a few They can't let that guy run for president They have to put a stop to that You have to see these recent videos I'm sent a to you Have you seen it Jamie?

[988] And then you fucking and killed Bernie Sanders.

[989] You basically killed Bernie Sanders.

[990] I'm reading something the other night.

[991] That Porter, you put the kiss of death out of him, cocksucker.

[992] He was doing just fuck.

[993] Oh my God, Julia, the Puerto Rican chick, that won't shut up.

[994] Ocasio.

[995] Oh, Alexander Ocasio Curtis.

[996] Yeah, she won't shut the fuck up.

[997] She's a Puerto Rican chick that, she won't shut the fuck out.

[998] Rags to Riches Congresswoman.

[999] And she's like, fucking I won't talk to him because of Joe Rogan, backed them well it's not that I backed it's that they used a video of me to support their campaign to say that I endorsed them and then they took a bunch of my bits and they took a bunch of things we said on the podcast high as fuck out of context and made it look like some right wing monster make them like I'm some sort of homophob and then they use the transphobe from that the lady that used to be a If you don't know the story, used to be a man for 30 years, became a woman for two, and then started beating the fuck out of women without telling them that her whole life she had been a man up until recently.

[1000] She just thought it was a medical condition that she didn't have to reveal.

[1001] And I got mad.

[1002] Domestic violence from.

[1003] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1004] It should be criminal to not tell somebody.

[1005] I mean, the idea that you're the same thing as a biological woman is just not fact.

[1006] It's not scientific fact.

[1007] And yeah, I said a bunch of horrible shit about her.

[1008] that she's not even horrible shit I just said mean things that she's a man like you're a man you can't just go fighting you said the truth yes that's what I did I said the truth and I said the truth you think I'll have a lot of friends but here's the thing I'm a guy that I support bull riding okay I support if you're a woman and you want to fight a man I support it but you got to let that person know that you're a man if you used to be a man you got to let them know if a woman wants to fight a biological man right now, a guy with his balls, and she wants to do it, and he wants to do it, and they sign off on it, you could skydive.

[1009] Why can't you do that?

[1010] If they're both the same weight, go ahead.

[1011] I don't think you should.

[1012] If you're my friend, if you were a woman and you're my friend, I'd be like there's too many physical advantages.

[1013] It's too dangerous.

[1014] All they have to do is hit you once.

[1015] They said they don't have to be as skillful as you.

[1016] If they clip you, you're fucked.

[1017] And that's the truth.

[1018] That's what happens.

[1019] I mean, it's a giant advantage.

[1020] It doesn't mean the woman can't win, because Jermaine Durandemey actually had a kickboxing fight with a man and knocked them the fuck out.

[1021] That lady's a beast, the Iron Lady from Holland, she's a beast.

[1022] But she's a former UFC featherweight fucking champion of the world.

[1023] I mean, she's an animal, that lady, and had a real close fight with Amanda Nunes recently for the Bannamweight title.

[1024] She's one of the best fighters on Earth, and she beat a man and knocked him out.

[1025] But you shouldn't fight a man if you don't know it's a man. That's rude.

[1026] And if you didn't know that someone used to be a man, that's rude too.

[1027] So they tried to pretend that I'm not this transphobic crusader.

[1028] I love all people.

[1029] I literally love all people.

[1030] I don't care what you are, whether you're gay or straight or Asian or black or white.

[1031] I don't care.

[1032] I don't care.

[1033] If you're nice, I'm nice to you.

[1034] I'm 100 % open to everybody.

[1035] But I'm not going to bullshit.

[1036] You can't fight women if you used to be a man and not tell them.

[1037] It's so ridiculous that that's even a debatable subject.

[1038] Like, I had a bit about it where I said, never do what I think as a society we could get to a point where someone would say, hey, man, I don't think it's cool if you get your dick removed and then beat the fuck out of checks.

[1039] And people would be like, you're out of line.

[1040] But that's where it got.

[1041] That's where it got.

[1042] We got so overly progressive in the fight to do the right thing.

[1043] We got to write that script about a guy who falls in love with a girl.

[1044] It turns out that she's a man Yeah, like right before at the wedding She tells her, you know, my name was Hugo And What would you do if she's really hot You're still into her Do you really care?

[1045] It's a good question Yeah, no, that's what Some people don't care Some people like, I don't give a fuck I'm right or die with you, Hugo When you're alone With her in public Yeah man It's in the fight to do the right thing And that's what's going on with progressives when they get overly progressive they think they're fighting to do the right thing but you have to be able to call out shit that's wrong on your side and this is one of the problems that the Democratic Party's having right now with this Joe Biden guy you guys got to be able to call it out you can't let this slide because everybody else sees it and Trump is going to eat him alive he's going to eat that guy alive the guy can barely remember what he's talking about while he's talking do you know which one it was because there's a few videos a few of them play any of them they're all They're all crazy.

[1046] Every video of him recently talking, he's stumbling through shit, he forgets what he's talking about.

[1047] We should be making those masks.

[1048] We should be moving on those ventilators.

[1049] We can do that.

[1050] Why doesn't he just act like a president?

[1051] That's a stupid way to say that.

[1052] You know, Donald Trump was asked on.

[1053] Sorry.

[1054] Go ahead.

[1055] He's done.

[1056] No, no, probably best I don't.

[1057] He's like Junior Soprano.

[1058] Before he shot.

[1059] Look at him.

[1060] It's not, that's not even the worst example.

[1061] That's just an example.

[1062] The one down there, when he's talking to that lady, I think that one was a struggle too.

[1063] That was a struggle fest.