Part 6: Monica & Jess Love Tough Love with Patti Stanger (the Millionaire Matchmaker)

[0] Hi, I'm Monica, a .k .a. miniature mouse.

[1] I love boys.

[2] But I don't have one.

[3] And in fact, I've never had one.

[4] I could probably count on two hands how many dates I've been on in my entire life.

[5] And I decided it's time to change that.

[6] Hi, I'm Jess, and I love boys too.

[7] And in the opposite way of Monica, I can't count on all the hands in America how many people I've had sex with.

[8] And yet, I still don't have a boyfriend.

[9] And I want one.

[10] And I'm Dax.

[11] And I love Monica and Jess in so many ways.

[12] They don't have partners.

[13] And that is a huge mystery to me because they're both incredibly attractive, so fun, so smart, and have so much to offer.

[14] So what we decided to do is examine these unhealthy patterns and bring in experts and outsiders to help critique us, advise us, guide us, pretty much called bullshit on us, so that we can find the romantic companion that we're looking for.

[15] We started this thinking it was going to be just cute little dating challenges that we would go on and talk about and laugh about.

[16] Turns out it is very hard to be vulnerable in real time in public.

[17] Yes, I'm so excited.

[18] We're so loud.

[19] We romanticized pathological love.

[20] One to ten.

[21] How much do you want love?

[22] Go.

[23] You can't even get the sentence out.

[24] I would just eat around it.

[25] It's a little selfish.

[26] Why do I want something?

[27] And then why have I designed to defend?

[28] We must put the chum in the water for the sharks to come.

[29] Come, buddy.

[30] Monica's like, so apparently I have to join Raya this week.

[31] He likes fucking.

[32] You don't even have a kiss, a handheld, anything.

[33] Your frontal lobe is just in the way.

[34] Push -up bra, low -cut top.

[35] That's what you should be doing.

[36] Masturbate every night.

[37] Rob's too uncomfortable for this.

[38] Please enjoy Part 6, Monica and Jess love, tough love with Patty Stanger, the millionaire matchmaker.

[39] Monica don't like boys.

[40] Monica love.

[41] Just don't like.

[42] Just don't like boys They love boys I'm always very nervous Like the first seven minutes Yeah, that's what Dr. Drew picked up on Why are you nervous?

[43] I just get a little like a kid Are you excited?

[44] Yeah, both, adrenaline, nerves, all of that I'm a little psychic I'm not, Dr. Drew is very psychic We work together a lot When I first went on Love Line You know when the kids call in And they're like, I have a problem And he'd be like, are you on the streets?

[45] I'm like, how do you know that?

[46] He's like, I can feel them struggling and starving.

[47] And, like, he knew what every person was going through.

[48] Yeah, he's so intuitive.

[49] He's so intuitive.

[50] Although he gets mad at me sometimes because I'll say, like, I love porn.

[51] Don't stay that on the air.

[52] Like, I can't lie.

[53] Welcome to the sixth installment of Monica and Jess Love Boys.

[54] Sometimes I've noticed I've been saying loves, which is grammatically incorrect.

[55] Hi.

[56] Hi.

[57] How's your week?

[58] It was good.

[59] We had our challenge.

[60] We did.

[61] We arranged marriageed each other, the set each other up without any expectation, but with people who we wanted the other person to just see, get exposed to.

[62] Maybe somebody we thought the other person would never choose for themselves.

[63] I set you up with my friend Peter.

[64] Peter.

[65] I felt very loose on this date.

[66] There was no expectations.

[67] There was no dickpicks before.

[68] There was no expectations of.

[69] an air that I had to put on.

[70] I thought he was amazing.

[71] We had squirrel.

[72] I probably over ate.

[73] I ate before.

[74] Squirrel's a restaurant in a Los Angeles.

[75] I ate before just so I wouldn't eat so much and I still ate a lot.

[76] We had fun.

[77] We got deep.

[78] You got deep.

[79] Yeah, we talked about a lot and he was a cool guy, great teeth, great smile.

[80] Yeah, I would not have met him on Grindr or Tinder maybe and I'm very glad I did and I got a little bit of friendship vibes but I don't know it was only the first date it did get sexual a bit talked about sex which turned me on for a second and then it turned me off because I that's that's very me so he was a little too much like me was a little like it turned me on and titillated me but then it goes oh that's the old Jess and I want to maybe look towards something he'd never been in love and he'd never had a boyfriend and he has sex eight to ten times a week.

[81] And that's very me and what I used to do.

[82] And that's not really what I'm looking for in the future.

[83] So I had a great time, but I saw what I liked about him was the same thing as what I didn't like about him.

[84] That's interesting.

[85] Because I know this person, obviously, who I set you up with.

[86] And I don't think that him not being, having had a relationship is in, indicative of him not being able to have a relationship.

[87] Right, but I'm also 11 years older, so that was an incident where I get in trouble a lot for dating young.

[88] But he's not young, he's my age.

[89] It's still 11 years difference, and for me, if I get thrown in that in my face a lot, that I date too young.

[90] How old are you?

[91] How old are you?

[92] I'm 43.

[93] And how old was he?

[94] 32.

[95] That's okay.

[96] It's...

[97] He's over 30.

[98] Yeah, he's not in his 20s.

[99] You get pushback when you go for people in their 20s.

[100] because that seems like a total different playing field.

[101] Had the date end?

[102] A hug.

[103] By him or you?

[104] Both.

[105] Who leaned into who first?

[106] I did.

[107] You leaned and did he grab you?

[108] And I said, let's go to happy hour with Monica and or hang out again.

[109] He goes great.

[110] So have you texted since?

[111] No. When was it?

[112] Tuesday.

[113] Tuesday.

[114] And it's Thursday today.

[115] So why have you texted?

[116] I don't know.

[117] Okay, well, let's talk about that.

[118] Your instincts are going no?

[119] My instincts are friends.

[120] So next time when me and Monica go to a happy hour or something, I'd like to invite him.

[121] Okay, but there's no consistency.

[122] That's not a relationship.

[123] So you're in the friend zone now.

[124] So the friend zone just happened because you instinctively felt he was a friend where you didn't give him a chance.

[125] Now, here's the problem with gay or any gay community, same sex.

[126] It would be same sex because it's not, you know, if you're by or fluid, it's different.

[127] Who makes the first move?

[128] Who makes the initiation to have the next date or the follow -up or whatever the case may be because like when women dumb regular straight womendom we know the man does that right conventionally because if we do it the other way we're chasing them and then they think they we want sex they're just programmed to believe that even though it's not true okay so in your world who makes the initiation after that date the one that's more excited you're getting into the whole i'm going to fall in love for sight thing which is really where you're at that's where you need to shift your consciousness because it doesn't work like that when you're looking for a relationship we're not looking for booty call you can throw a dollar and go on tinder and you got it right so you you initiated a hug you don't touch people you don't like so do you psychoanalyze too much your dates no i don't think i do i was in the moment the whole time so you want to be chased you want to be the beta um that's it i just got it maybe yeah that's it you want to be the beta because i am the alpha in most of my so you want to be the beta and you want him to be more excited to go out with you and chase you you and then you'll warm up to him to his level maybe yeah okay we're done that's it peace out patty's work is done so now we have to talk about why do you want that and you said because i used to be the alpha and i'm sick of being the alpha because it doesn't work basically is what you're saying in life though not in relationships no not in relationships well i've only had three boyfriends and they all ran the show okay but that means that you've been in green to be beta So you don't, so you want someone to chase you.

[129] So when someone's fixing you up, they need to know that person's an alpha.

[130] So there's three types of types.

[131] It can be male, straight, gay, by fluid, doesn't matter.

[132] Alpha, I take charge.

[133] Beta, I follow.

[134] And now the new one.

[135] It's only 10 % of the population, the androgynous person, who switch hits from alpha and beta and confuses the world.

[136] And you have to decide in the beginning, women have to do this all the time.

[137] because now there are straight men wanting to be a beta because women are making money now and they're successful and then the man's like well you make money you make the plans you invite me you plan the trip and you're going wait a second he has the vagina is the follower right because we've been ingrained to do that since society began and then he's like yeah but you're making money now so do you agree with that no well it only works if the woman wants to be the alpha so there are women that are in control that say, I love it that my husband is a cameraman and I'm an studio executive and I make the money and he walks the dogs and part -time stays home with the kids.

[138] We have that and that's okay, but you've got to want that.

[139] If you were trained as a child to not like that, believe in it or accept it.

[140] I was, you know, raised traditional East Coast Jew, so that wouldn't work for me. And I've tried to do that.

[141] I've ended up being the breadwinner so the way it makes the money is usually the one who controls the story.

[142] And then I go, God, I hate this.

[143] because I'm used to the man taking care of me, nurturing me, and I always find the hot beta, you know, the gym guy, the hot beta, who wants to be taking her.

[144] And then that model doesn't work for me. Like, I had to figure that out.

[145] You all have to figure it out.

[146] So what happens is women have to decide what do they want, the beta or the alpha.

[147] And if they get into androgy, you want a healthy androgynous person because they confuse people.

[148] They switch back and forth.

[149] Like, in other words, they might be really handy in the house.

[150] Like, I'll fix this.

[151] I'll take care of that.

[152] But then if it comes to travel or it comes to a reservation in a restaurant, they're like, oh, I'm mad, I don't do that stuff.

[153] And then the woman's like, wait a second, I'm confused, who are you?

[154] And they get confused.

[155] And nobody really discusses this.

[156] And you really, when you're starting getting a relationship, when you get past sex, you really need to have a conversation of how this is going to work.

[157] But nobody talks about negotiations.

[158] So you want to be chased, and he's a beta.

[159] So two betas went on a date the other night.

[160] But I don't know that Peter.

[161] is a beta.

[162] But it's relevant to say the point of the challenge was to not put any expectations, was to actively not put expectations on both of our days.

[163] Okay, that's bullshit.

[164] He's too old.

[165] He's 41.

[166] This game is over.

[167] I'm 43.

[168] You can't play, hey, let's just see where it goes at 43.

[169] You don't have time.

[170] But for the first date, when the first date is, hey, this person is interesting.

[171] I want to get to know him.

[172] but the first thing Look, he's a man He has a penis He is programmed And by the way he's gay So he's programmed to go I could sleep with him And if he can't There's no second date Then we're in Friends Zone Straight or gay Men are programmed to go I could fuck her Or I could fuck him It's one of the two But they don't go out In a second date Unless they're asexual And Andy Warhol And they want to cerebrally get in your head That's not your Peter friend But Peter is someone You could have sex with Yeah, but it's very, it's going to be like a nonchalant sex, so it's not going to go anywhere.

[173] So you might meet at a party and they're at the same party or you say let's go out for cocktails in a group and they might hook up and then it'll be one or two and they'll be done.

[174] They're not getting in a relationship.

[175] Because you're saying because they're both beta, but we don't know that.

[176] Well, in this case, he wants an alpha.

[177] See, now he learns something today.

[178] He knows now this is what I want.

[179] I need to seek out men that will chase me and I'm the fine wine.

[180] I'm the deal.

[181] I'm the jewel to be adorned.

[182] And he will find that guy because now he knows what he's looking for.

[183] But we have, you had a situation recently where you had someone chasing you.

[184] And did you like that?

[185] I hated it.

[186] You didn't like him.

[187] Correct.

[188] There's a difference.

[189] You have to like the person who chases you.

[190] They are not the same.

[191] They are not the same.

[192] He was, this is horrible.

[193] He wasn't hot enough to.

[194] There you go.

[195] Now, the hot bar.

[196] But this is part of, this is an issue.

[197] He's in gayville.

[198] I know.

[199] But you're feeding me. fire of why I'm here.

[200] So what I'm telling you is, I'm here because I've had sex with 4 ,000 guys.

[201] We're not talking about sex.

[202] We're talking about the unspoken word of sex, which is chemistry, without chemistry of nothing.

[203] So if he didn't have chemistry for the guy who chased him, that's why he didn't like it.

[204] But if you like the guy who chased, who's your celebrity crush?

[205] The Henry Kaville came to mind.

[206] Okay, so the Witcher, if he were coming on to you, you'd be really excited, right?

[207] And you'd probably be so nervous.

[208] You'd have that seven minutes before where we start the podcast nervousness, right?

[209] Okay, so think about that.

[210] So now let's take it down to like from a 10 to an 8.

[211] You found a Nate with a really good personality who's super sexy and kind, had some bucks in his pocket and chased you.

[212] You'd be thrilled, right?

[213] So what it is is water is not seeking its own level here.

[214] See, that's where the matchmaker comes in versus the Dr. Drew because this is what I do all day long.

[215] And I'm not saying Dr. Drew's not right.

[216] and he gave you a good good exercise you'll learn from him i love dr drew but the point in the manner is water has to seek its own level for it to be kismet taking into gay town they move a little faster than straight town because women are you know don't always feel safe that's the reason why but in gay town there is this situation where it has to be sexual and they cannot change what is programmed in their DNA now i deal with this all day long i fixed up jeff lewis he's in a serious relationship with Scott because of me after Gage.

[217] Okay, he had to feel hot with that person.

[218] There's no getting away from that.

[219] And Scott had to feel the same way about Jeff.

[220] Yeah.

[221] I can't get that out of the equation because the DNA is programmed.

[222] I actually really, I really appreciate this because I've had a lot of talks throughout the years with Dax.

[223] And I do believe sometimes he puts his heteronormative thing on me. And I try to defend myself and then I sound like I'm making excuses.

[224] but I do think chemically that there's a different ballgame.

[225] It is.

[226] And they have no safety issues other than STD, which means double condiment or whatever, rubber up.

[227] But they don't have safety issues where we have because we're like, whoa, you're moving too fast.

[228] You're going to rape me. You know, like, we have that.

[229] I'm like, bring it on.

[230] Exactly.

[231] Rough and tumble.

[232] Rough and tumble, right.

[233] And so in that world, it's almost like, let's have sex first.

[234] Get out of the way like in Diane Keaton and Annie Hall.

[235] Let's get out of the way.

[236] And let's see what else is there.

[237] what's under the hood of the car.

[238] So it's almost like relieves the tension in the room.

[239] I don't mind that because that's the way they're programmed and they should have what they want.

[240] And if that leads to true love, who are we to say we are not gay?

[241] 100%, but that's an important phrase if it leads to true love.

[242] Because if you've gone on 5 ,000 of the exact same thing, none of them have led to true love, something's messed up.

[243] Okay, but it doesn't mean that.

[244] It means he's dating people that are in water, doesn't take its own level.

[245] And we don't talk about that enough.

[246] You're dating in the wrong pond.

[247] So what pond do you think he's dating?

[248] Well, first of all, obviously, the gym and Abby and all that stuff is cliche.

[249] That's a gay bar in Los Angeles.

[250] They still meet and they still hang out and they still have sex and they still go on dates.

[251] And like when people say, well, I haven't had a date in a hundred years and I'm a girl, a straight girl.

[252] I go, well, you got to go where the men go.

[253] If you keep going to these feminine things like yoga class, you're not going to meet any guy except the gay token guy and the one that's married.

[254] Like you have to go where it's indigenous.

[255] But then you have to screen.

[256] And it's the screening thing where he might be off.

[257] Like, oh, great, he's so hot.

[258] I'll fuck him.

[259] But then I don't really know anything about him later.

[260] And that's where chemistry takes the lead and is the spark.

[261] But then we've got to get to the layers.

[262] Like, first of all, do you have a job that's compatible to what my future lifestyle is going to be like?

[263] So money.

[264] And then you have to go to like, do you want kids or I want kids?

[265] Because sometimes they want to get married and have kids.

[266] Depends what it is.

[267] And then you have to go to like common interests, which is the glue in our senior years.

[268] You know, we have to be able to laugh together, do things that you, two or three things that you share in common, you know?

[269] And that's something that we don't talk about enough because that is the glue.

[270] It can't just be sex.

[271] Sex will not hold the house up.

[272] No. Well, these are our opposite.

[273] So I care about those things potentially too much where then I get stifled because I'm like, the common interests aren't there or I don't want to spend time with this person.

[274] Well, you have the wish list.

[275] Okay, so you had to fix her up with who?

[276] A hot guy at my gym So Mark at the gym And what does Mark at the gym do He's 35 He's good looking He's an ex -wrestler And he Has a job?

[277] He's a trainer And he's a working actor And is Okay so did you like the job Of working actor trainer Be honest Okay Wait wait wait wait I'm sorry We are not playing We're not faking it out He got hard on him I got to be hard on you I know So the key was I need someone who makes good money.

[278] You just bought a house.

[279] He cannot afford a house.

[280] I'm still texting him because he's hot.

[281] Actually, no. That is not why for me. You didn't think he was hot.

[282] Truly, I was like, yeah, I see objectively he's good looking, but I personally was not like, oh my God, this is my physical time.

[283] He's like, look, you're backing him up.

[284] He's a backup.

[285] Let's be real.

[286] You can fill him in during the week and go to date with him.

[287] He's super cute.

[288] He's got a good person.

[289] He's friends with your co -host, so he can fit into the posse, but he's not the husband.

[290] Your bells went off, he's not the husband.

[291] Well, listen, the thing is with the house.

[292] So, yes, I bought a house, and that was very exciting.

[293] Maybe this goes into our alpha conversation.

[294] I don't think I need, I'm lying.

[295] You are so lying.

[296] You can't even get the sentence out.

[297] Let's be real.

[298] This is amazing.

[299] Just be honest with me. But we are trying to protect some of these people's identities.

[300] This is what we're...

[301] Well, not identities, but feeling.

[302] We don't want these people to feel like experiments.

[303] We like these people.

[304] Oh, wait a second.

[305] You can have them as friends, but we're talking about mates, and mates and friends are different.

[306] And it doesn't mean that he's not a good -looking guy.

[307] No, he is.

[308] I mean, him probably walks out so I get to 5 ,000 checks.

[309] I'm not talking about that.

[310] And we're not saying these are not good quality human beings or catches for someone else.

[311] We're talking about the two of you.

[312] And I always say, no two people are allowed.

[313] They're like snowflakes.

[314] Look, here's the thing that I always tell people after you've gone on a date and you don't like someone.

[315] And the person texts you.

[316] I say, you know what?

[317] I just didn't feel chemistry.

[318] I wish you best of luck in your search because I know you're such a catch.

[319] Someone's going to find you.

[320] And that's really what you're saying.

[321] You're not right for me, but somebody else is going to be out there.

[322] And if you had dated somebody who you know is not the one, you are wasting their time.

[323] You should be crucified for that.

[324] What were you lying about?

[325] I was about to say, I think it's okay for me. to be like the one with more money, more status, whatever, all these things.

[326] And because I want that to be true.

[327] You know what it's going to be like if you do that, right?

[328] They're going to become your couch potato living in the basement pot smoking sun.

[329] And you will, and they will resent the shit out of you.

[330] They will resent the shit out of you after while.

[331] They'll love it in the beginning.

[332] You see, they can't afford to take you anywhere.

[333] You're going to have problems.

[334] And who's paying the rent, who's doing this, and who's doing this.

[335] in that.

[336] But it depends because, you know, it's so tricky in this city, I think, because up until two years ago, I had no house.

[337] I had no, you know what I, like, did you work towards what you wanted?

[338] Yeah, very hard.

[339] Did you, what if you see a man who's non working towards their goal?

[340] Okay, that's a no. I mean, I don't even like entertaining that.

[341] And what if you see somebody who doesn't have as much ambition in the money department as you do?

[342] I want this and I want that because you obviously wanted something, got it, and went after it.

[343] So you have to think about that.

[344] What if I think about a guy who doesn't do that?

[345] Well, the money is a byproduct.

[346] I wanted a career that I felt good about.

[347] And then these other things are byproducts that are amazing.

[348] But you didn't want a career for that didn't make any money.

[349] You wanted a career that had money so you could buy the house that you wanted, which was the end result, or a car, or a trip, or whatever you wanted, a nice dress.

[350] Think about that.

[351] You did this to get that.

[352] You can't lie about I mean, it's part of the soup, but I don't...

[353] You are giving her an out to not go on a second date, and that is the biggest problem.

[354] She's gone on seven first dates with no second date.

[355] There's a matter.

[356] I am talking about you to vet and find the ones that are at your level.

[357] You people know how to date.

[358] You're not nerds.

[359] I don't need to teach you how to speak at a dinner table and what conversation to say and how to pick up the right fork.

[360] We are past that.

[361] You know how.

[362] Why waste time?

[363] Life is short.

[364] You're busy.

[365] You're working your asses off.

[366] You don't have time for this nonsense.

[367] So when you get out of the house and you put on that pretty dress and you get your hair done or you go to dry bar or whatever and you put on some pants.

[368] Okay?

[369] Right?

[370] You don't want to waste your night.

[371] So we don't have time for this shit anymore.

[372] Now we got to screen.

[373] And we got to spend time like traffic and conversion does on the internet to find the person who's going to buy your product.

[374] You've got to find the person who is your product.

[375] How do you find them?

[376] Well, how much do we owe you if you find her?

[377] Oh, gosh, for me. How much you charge.

[378] Monica and Jess Love Boys is supported by Athletic Greens.

[379] We love athletic greens.

[380] I'm obsessed.

[381] Because it tastes good.

[382] And you know you're getting so much health in one drink.

[383] Yeah.

[384] It's just a powder.

[385] You pour it in water.

[386] You chug it.

[387] It tastes amazing.

[388] It has 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food source ingredients, making it easier for you to get comprehensive nutrition without all the pills and powders.

[389] And I have a friend the other day we were at lunch and she had a big huge pill box.

[390] She was just like taking all these pills and I was like, girl, let me get you some athletic greens.

[391] It has prebiotics, probiotics, digestive enzymes, adaptogens, nutrient -dense superfoods, and more, giving you a one -stop shop to help support your body's nutritional needs across five critical areas of health.

[392] energy, immunity, gut health, hormonal, and neural support, and healthy aging.

[393] It's vegan, it's gluten -free, it's dairy -free, it's keto, it's paleo, you have no excuse to not drink it.

[394] Whether you're taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle or you're an athlete pushing for better performance, Athletic Greens takes the guesswork out of everyday good health.

[395] Why not just try it?

[396] Jump over to athletic greens .com slash Monica and claim my special offer today.

[397] 20 free travel packs valued at $79 with your first purchase.

[398] That's athletic greens .com slash Monica.

[399] We are supported by Billy.

[400] Jess, listen to this, bold, okay?

[401] Women's razors can cost up to 15 % more than men's.

[402] It's called the pink tax.

[403] Ew.

[404] I know.

[405] The idea that women should pay more for the same product is ridiculous.

[406] It's 2020, guys.

[407] Come on.

[408] Introducing Billy, delivering premium razors direct to you for half the price of what you'd find in the store.

[409] Go to MyBilly .com to get their starter kit, including two razor cartridges, a handle, and their magic magnetic holder for the shower.

[410] I love that.

[411] I'm always like dropping it on the ground and feeling like I'm going to step on it.

[412] So the holder's fantastic.

[413] For only $9, you can get four refill blades every one, two, or three months based on how often you shave.

[414] It's amazing.

[415] I never have razor burn, which I feel like I'm sort of prone to.

[416] And the billy razor is so smooth.

[417] It's wonderful.

[418] Each razor cartridge includes five American -made blades.

[419] Love that.

[420] In case an aloe shave soap for the smoothest shave that's gentle on sensitive skin.

[421] It's like a spa.

[422] They also have more space between each blade to allow shave, cream, soap, or hair to pass on by.

[423] Also, I feel like this is a good gift for your girlfriends because it feels kind of weird to buy yourself stuff like this.

[424] But get it for a friend.

[425] Help make their life better.

[426] And to express a little love for our show, go to mybilly .com slash Monica for 10 % off your razor.

[427] It's a small way you can support us while you're getting the best razor you will ever own for half the price of razors in the store.

[428] Plus, shipping is always free.

[429] This is a limited time special offer.

[430] Go now to save 10 % off your razor at mybilly .com slash monica, spelled m -y -l -l -L -I -E dot com slash Monica.

[431] I want to know what I want to know these criteria.

[432] Is there a pamphlet people fill out?

[433] Is it all intuition for you?

[434] Well, I have a staff.

[435] I have a full service operation that's international.

[436] And it's Millioners Club, 123 .com.

[437] If anybody wants to join, we have millioners and non -millioners.

[438] We do gay.

[439] We do strict.

[440] We do fluid.

[441] I'm dying to do it transgender.

[442] I believe love is love.

[443] Okay.

[444] So in that respect, you fill out an application.

[445] You go through my system.

[446] It depends if you get me as a matchmaker.

[447] There are different levels.

[448] I'm not the most expensive in the business, but I'm not the cheapest.

[449] I'm 85 grand.

[450] I fixed up billionaires like Sumner Redstone all the way to regular Joes who live in Calabasas.

[451] It depends what you're looking for.

[452] And we have the largest database in the business.

[453] And we're small business.

[454] Matchmakers are a small business.

[455] We got crucified when the apps came out.

[456] And then now the apps are kind of falling off a cliff.

[457] And it's not because the technology is not bad.

[458] The apps did a great job.

[459] It has to do with the type of person who's attracted to the app, which is only 20 % of the pop.

[460] The rest of them are single hiding in their houses, watching Netflix.

[461] And they're basically, you know, hibernating.

[462] And L .A. is a big hibernation town.

[463] We are the largest population of singles in the United States in L .A. And unfortunately, we don't drive.

[464] We don't want to go from Los Phelos to move.

[465] Marina Del Rey.

[466] Oh, I don't.

[467] They don't want to go from Marina Del Rey to Orange County or the Valley.

[468] So we're in this like hub like where do you live?

[469] 818?

[470] I live in 3 .1.

[471] I'm sorry.

[472] I can't date you.

[473] And it's sad.

[474] New York does the same thing.

[475] Chelsea won't date uptown.

[476] Uptain won't date downtown or Soho.

[477] And they're like snobs.

[478] We call them zip code snobs.

[479] And so we have the same thing here.

[480] And then men are not aggressive here because we're the town.

[481] You could have a child at a wedlock and never get married and be socially acceptable.

[482] Now, none of the country had that till recently.

[483] I mean, when Murphy Brown did it on television, people were like, oh my God.

[484] And so now we have like in New York City, Wall Street's like, wait a second.

[485] You have a child at a wedlock used to be like, you can't join the men's club and play golf on the weekend because the wives won't like you.

[486] And now it's like, okay, well, everybody does it.

[487] So men are not eager to commit as much.

[488] It's like the biology hasn't changed, but the technology is driving the biology.

[489] So in the millennial sense, they're hanging back, holding on.

[490] They've become best friends and lovers with their phone.

[491] They don't look up at the dinner.

[492] They're on their phone.

[493] They're friends of people they've never met on Instagram and Facebook and whatever.

[494] And they believe this world is like real to the point where we're disconnected.

[495] And so now I tell people to join groups of interests that they have in common.

[496] And if the person in the group is not for you, the guy, the girl, whatever, ask them to fix you up.

[497] because that'll lead you to somebody you would never meet.

[498] So if you're going to the same place over and overtime and you keep going to that same store looking for that perfect dress, that perfect suit and it doesn't exist, why are you going back there?

[499] So that's the thing we have to do.

[500] So we have to spend time researching who we want to meet and how we want to meet.

[501] That's not to say you shouldn't date a person that fixes you up and be grateful.

[502] But if you don't feel it, you can't make yourself feel it.

[503] But in her circumstance, how many dates have you been on and how many guys have you been with its practice?

[504] I'm a little bit with Patty on this.

[505] When I'm on this day, I am not sitting there like, what do I say?

[506] Or I'm nervous.

[507] No, you're not at all.

[508] I'm not at all.

[509] You're a pro.

[510] I'm good at talking to people.

[511] I know how to do that.

[512] But the chemistry, I've asked on every single one of these dates, did he grab you?

[513] was there flirting?

[514] Was there some kind of chemistry?

[515] And you said no, and all of them.

[516] There wasn't.

[517] So why should she be the leader in that case?

[518] Because I don't think she sees it is what I'm saying.

[519] Well, I mean, that would be a mock date that I would have to watch on camera like we do a millionaire matchmaker and check you out.

[520] But I don't feel she's lying.

[521] I feel like I feel like the guys that she's gone on dates might have A been, hey, I'm intimidated.

[522] You own a house.

[523] I don't.

[524] B, I don't really want to fuck you.

[525] Okay.

[526] So I'm not going to grab you.

[527] And it just might be that they're not each other's type.

[528] It's not that she's not beautiful.

[529] And C, it's that he might have been dating betas.

[530] And betas don't touch.

[531] They let the other person touch them first.

[532] Okay?

[533] So we've got straight betas walking around males.

[534] And they're expecting the woman to do all the work in the beginning.

[535] And I can hear the cheers coming from your audience right now.

[536] I can hear it.

[537] I can hear it.

[538] Also, though, it's 2020.

[539] We're in a me -to moment.

[540] There's a loss of happening.

[541] in the world that I also think make men think hard when they're on these dates about touching, about being too aggressive.

[542] Oh yeah, that's a big issue.

[543] They're going to have to ask permission now.

[544] May I touch you?

[545] May I kiss you?

[546] And you're like God, you had to ask me to kiss me. You didn't just grab me. We're throwing us against the wall anymore.

[547] That has gone away.

[548] So there is that fear, especially now.

[549] I think the fear's grown in our town more than anybody else's.

[550] But I feel like people are like, oh, I can't be the way I used to be.

[551] That's what I think too.

[552] And look, by the way, I think that's good, and I also think it affects on dates, this, this, like, touchiness and Jess thinks that it's required, but he's going on a date with a guy who they don't have this.

[553] No, they want to get down to the business.

[554] And I'm also not going to initiate that if I don't like them.

[555] What do you wear on the dates?

[556] Because I want to know, do you wear, you've a great body?

[557] So do you wear, like, a low -cut little dress and cute little boots?

[558] And, like, do you make it like, hey, I'm flirty girl?

[559] This is a great question.

[560] Are you wearing this red jumpsuit that, well, it's like a juicy couture kind of thing.

[561] So if you're wearing a juicy couture with anything, I don't want to fuck you either.

[562] I wasn't wearing this.

[563] Okay, what were you wearing?

[564] And I wouldn't wear this, but what have I worn?

[565] I wore a tight fitting.

[566] Everything I wear on the first day is tight fitting.

[567] Okay.

[568] So you can see my body.

[569] Jeans tight -fitting top?

[570] Hair down.

[571] Hair down.

[572] Okay.

[573] But the top is not low cut.

[574] and it's not like it's spaghetti's thank you you need to show those girls up you can see them through the tight shirt we need to see those girls i want to push up bra tomorrow okay that's my homework assignment to you push up bra low cut top no one will look at her face exactly but that is like if you want that guy to initiate sexually first but i don't he does that's why this is not you can't just chime in and say that because that is not what i want you want that with with the balance of hey i'm a doctor and i own my own business so let's let's go there So we, that he still needs to get swing to get off the couch, even if he's a successful gentleman.

[575] The thing is, the tight thing is good, but I like to, I mean, I'm looking at your body and let's show a little boobage.

[576] The boobage is going to work for you.

[577] Don't you want someone to see you at the grocery store and, like, lean over and talk to you?

[578] No. Like at Irwan or something?

[579] I really don't.

[580] I mean, okay.

[581] One to ten.

[582] How much do you want love?

[583] Go.

[584] One to ten.

[585] Love ten.

[586] But I don't want just a person.

[587] In order to get to the 10, we must put the chum in the water for the sharks to come, buddy.

[588] Like, that's how it works.

[589] You just can't show up and be cerebral and expect like Cinderella.

[590] I agree.

[591] The Prince are dead.

[592] They died a long -ass time ago.

[593] I don't want that either.

[594] I agree.

[595] I totally agree.

[596] I also, I don't wear low -cut shirts.

[597] Oh, can I do it once for you, please, please?

[598] You could do, like, low plunge.

[599] You got that sexy, exotic clothes.

[600] Well, we have a challenge at the end of this.

[601] So you can save that for that.

[602] I'm redressing you.

[603] That's it.

[604] I'm just taking you out and redressing you.

[605] I just want to put you together and make you Zazazza Zoom.

[606] When's your birthday?

[607] August 24th.

[608] Okay, so you're at Virgo.

[609] What are you?

[610] Virgo.

[611] It's 9 -1.

[612] You know you're the Bachelor of the Zodiac, right?

[613] No, what's that mean?

[614] It means they are the most critical people in the Zodiac and they're the last ones to get married.

[615] And if they get married early in life, they usually get divorced.

[616] Oh, well, then that's good that I didn't get married.

[617] How old are you now?

[618] 32.

[619] Okay.

[620] So Virgos, they're insulated a little bit much.

[621] If they're gay, they might hit it to quit it because they're very sexual, but they don't take anyone home with them.

[622] They're looking for their compatible mean.

[623] And if they don't feel it, they don't go there.

[624] Yeah, this is exactly.

[625] So that's what Virgo's do.

[626] And they're really, you know, some are really clean freaks.

[627] Others are very cerebral.

[628] They love to read.

[629] They keep up on pop culture.

[630] They're like the Mercury rule, like Gemini.

[631] So they know everything that's going on in the news and what's happening.

[632] That's why you guys have a podcast.

[633] They're great talkers.

[634] And there also needs someone who's stimulating across the table because that's not going to get you juicy -goosey.

[635] You need to be juicy -goosey with someone who's not just hot.

[636] But, like, he's smart.

[637] That's exactly right.

[638] For me, personality is everything.

[639] Wow, she nailed it.

[640] What are you?

[641] He said he's Virgo, right?

[642] I'm a Virgo, but I don't fall into a lot of things that I've read about Burgos.

[643] Well, no, he's gay Virgo.

[644] So there's a little tweak in that because their culture's a little different than Straitville.

[645] So they have a little bit more like they're going to be very physical.

[646] They're usually in shape.

[647] Virgoes are usually in shape.

[648] Think Keanu Reeves, he's a Virgo.

[649] They're usually in shape.

[650] They don't go crazy on the food, but they have their indulgences, like, you know, sweets or salty foods.

[651] They like their thing.

[652] And at the same time, they're incredibly bright.

[653] Like, no one gives them enough credit because they're kind of the drones in the background.

[654] They're not in the forefront as much.

[655] It's not a Virgo's in like Hollywood.

[656] So what happens is they're the ones making the machines go.

[657] And they're also figuring out who's an idiot.

[658] They can spot bullshit or in five seconds.

[659] Who not to waste their time with.

[660] So they know right away.

[661] They're very into their intuition.

[662] Can you for our listeners go down the list of all of the zodiacs and say what's happening?

[663] Okay, well, we're in Aquarian time, which is Jen A -time, Jennifer Aniston time.

[664] They're also incredibly, um, They're very smart.

[665] And right now, what's going on with dating is we're having a really rough time of connection.

[666] It's not just you.

[667] It's everyone cannot seem to find their counterpart, which their parents could find in two seconds.

[668] Go to high school, go to college.

[669] There he is.

[670] You're like, wait a second, what happened?

[671] It wasn't like you didn't want to find the one and you focused on work.

[672] That's a misnomer.

[673] That person did not show up for you.

[674] Right.

[675] I think that the wish list cannot be a lot of things.

[676] I think it's got to be five non -negotiables.

[677] Okay, two can be physical quirks.

[678] Like, I like hair and height.

[679] And then three serious things, like, I want to get married.

[680] I want to have kids.

[681] I need them to make more money than I do.

[682] Whatever it is.

[683] But if you get to the point where it's like 100 things on a wish list, you're never going to get anywhere.

[684] And I also think a lot of people taking really pride in their appearance lately.

[685] So they're not letting the Botox go away.

[686] That's where I'm coming from because Dax is very hard on me as far as why do you focus on your looks so much when the best part about you is your personality.

[687] You live in a town, A, that's predisposition to care about what you look like.

[688] You're an actor, so you have to do that anyway, and see, you're gay.

[689] When you're gay, they care about looks.

[690] And I get mad at that sometimes.

[691] I'm always like, can't you just look at his personality?

[692] Like, whenever I fix my gay friends up, you know, and they're all like, Patty, you know what I go for.

[693] I like, I only like Latin men.

[694] I like all -American boys.

[695] Oh, my God.

[696] So they have types just like, we.

[697] We do.

[698] We have types.

[699] Who is your type is what I was trying to find out.

[700] My celebrity crush is Matt Damon.

[701] Oh, he's adorable.

[702] Yeah.

[703] I've seen him on a plane.

[704] Mm -hmm.

[705] Cudy, cutie.

[706] He's been my celebrity crush since I was 12.

[707] Okay.

[708] So did the guy look like Matt Damon?

[709] No. But, I mean, not at all.

[710] No. But I mean, I'm physically, I could say a lot of celebrities.

[711] What I didn't finish saying is that, we've been texting since, which was a shock to me because we left and I was like, okay, like that was fun.

[712] We talked and he, and the more we talked, the more he opened up a little bit, which I liked and I liked a lot of the stuff he was saying.

[713] And I was like, okay, but then I really, when I left, I was like, okay, so we'll probably not talk again.

[714] And then two minutes later, he texted you.

[715] He texted me because, and this is very sad, Kobe Bryant died.

[716] Oh, God.

[717] Which is horrifying.

[718] But it happened while we were on.

[719] So you bonded over this tragedy.

[720] Exactly.

[721] And then you realized you had something in common.

[722] Well, we had something to converse about.

[723] So we were.

[724] So you bond over the text and something and now has he asked you out again?

[725] Yes.

[726] And did you say yes?

[727] Yes.

[728] Okay.

[729] So go.

[730] You can date a pair and a spare.

[731] Or let's talk about that.

[732] So you date a pair and spare.

[733] So first is a person you can't wait for the phone to ring.

[734] So you haven't had one of those yet.

[735] Where you're just like, oh my God, did he call?

[736] Did he call?

[737] Did he call?

[738] That's not fun.

[739] Okay.

[740] It's also not fun, but it's the number one seed.

[741] So think of it like you're in a tennis tournament.

[742] You've got a rotation.

[743] Okay.

[744] So he's number one seed.

[745] Second is Cusper.

[746] Okay.

[747] Kind of funny.

[748] It's kind of cute.

[749] Maybe it doesn't make as much money as I like.

[750] Maybe it's as tall as I want, but I have really good time with him and I could go the movies with him.

[751] And there's something there, but I'm not sure.

[752] Third is your best friend.

[753] Wherever you go, whatever you do, you get fart, burp, doesn't matter.

[754] You can take him to a party.

[755] You can take him to a wedding.

[756] You know you're never going to be.

[757] marry him.

[758] Now, eventually, we have statistics where the friend ends up being the husband.

[759] But I like the cusper because the cusper has mystery to it.

[760] And you don't always know.

[761] And the first one is like, he could, hey, you know, I didn't call you for three weeks.

[762] I submarined you and now I'm calling you now.

[763] And you're like, wait a second.

[764] Are you dating someone who's like, of course I am.

[765] But this one didn't work out.

[766] So I've got free time now.

[767] Kind of a narcissistic temperament.

[768] You don't want the first one.

[769] The first one is the one is going to give you anxiety.

[770] And even though you're crazy and you see him as the dream list.

[771] Yeah.

[772] You know in your heart, he's going to break your heart.

[773] The second is really the best one, the Cusper.

[774] So he is maybe falling into Cusperville, which is like, wow, I didn't think you'd call me. Wow, you're kind of like, are changing the game.

[775] You know, Lisa Rennett talked about Harry Hamlin where they went on a, I don't know if it was a first or second date and they kissed it was really bad.

[776] Like, Lisa said it was the worst kiss she ever had.

[777] And look, she's married to Harry Hamlin now.

[778] So they had to go back and have a second kiss.

[779] I think he said, let's do this over with.

[780] I've had boyfriends who've kissed me on the first time.

[781] I was like, I'm never going out with him because if the kiss is bad, we don't go again.

[782] And then they're like, wait, I kissed you really bad.

[783] I got to do this again.

[784] And then the second kiss is like awesome.

[785] Like they were on their game.

[786] So I recommend a second date with this.

[787] Because if nothing else you're going to find out about you.

[788] Yeah, exactly.

[789] I mean, that's what this whole podcast has really been.

[790] We're just like learning about ourselves.

[791] When's the last time you had a boyfriend?

[792] I've never had one.

[793] How old are you?

[794] you've never what do you mean you've never had a boyfriend and I'll go into my spiel but also really quick I do have to say before this episode ends the money thing because this is scaring me that this is out in the world that I like need someone with money I don't it's got okay you have a okay so there's the inadequacy in you because there's a there's nothing wrong with saying I want someone who's like me who's successful and is making money when you say oh I don't need money guess what happens because I'm about to do a seminar called infinite love and money .com in L .A. about how money and love are not much different than each other.

[795] So now you're saying, I don't want that and I don't need that, but truthfully you do.

[796] And you're not admitting that to yourself.

[797] It's okay to say, hey, listen, I hustled up.

[798] I want somebody who hustled up too.

[799] And also you want somebody to take you away and do nice things because you're going to do the same thing to him.

[800] So you're really looking for a partnership, a partner.

[801] A partner.

[802] You're not saying I want to date Mr. Private Plain.

[803] No. You're looking for a partnership who's hustling like you are.

[804] So you need to state, I want someone who's financially responsible, can do X, Y, Z with me, and take me out, and can be a partner in the future to get married, have kids, whatever you want.

[805] There's nothing right.

[806] Financially responsible, I like, and that's true.

[807] Hustling is just the main thing and hustling for real, like not just sitting around.

[808] 30s now.

[809] We're not playing here anymore.

[810] Okay?

[811] You know Rachel Lindsay from Bachelor?

[812] Do you remember when she was on The Bachelorette?

[813] She's the African -American.

[814] Yeah.

[815] Oh, she had her own season, right?

[816] Yeah.

[817] Okay.

[818] And you remember she marries the chiropractor, right?

[819] So it was a great thing.

[820] She would tweet me. You know, I used to watch the show and I gave some advice.

[821] She goes, Patty, I am playing here.

[822] So when she had a choice between the hot trainer and the chiropractor and I'm screaming at the TV going, chiropractor, he's got a job.

[823] He lives in Miami.

[824] He's handsome.

[825] He's got the whole.

[826] He's handsome.

[827] He's got the whole.

[828] family and you thought she was going to go to the broke -ass trainer and she switched gears and she picks them and we're all like thank god because she's crying because she really loves the other one she knows what to do blah blah blah and then the red sea parts and she tweets me and says patty i wasn't playing meaning she came on the show for real serious love commitment who had his shit together and that's what you're looking for yeah they got married amazing yeah and i love them as a couple I was rooting for them.

[829] I liked her.

[830] So she was one of my favorite bachelorets because she took this super seriously.

[831] Yeah.

[832] Like she was, you know, she was little held back.

[833] She wasn't as chatty Kathy as the rest of the bachelorets.

[834] Right.

[835] She didn't have moments of breakdown.

[836] Those are there for fame.

[837] She was, exactly.

[838] She was there to get married and find the one.

[839] And I loved her for that because, you know, if you're going to use that platform, you better use it.

[840] Yeah, exactly.

[841] And that's what you need to do.

[842] We are supported by Best Fiends.

[843] We love Best Fiends.

[844] It's such a fun game.

[845] We're gamers.

[846] We love games and this one we just added into a roster.

[847] We love it.

[848] Play it all the time.

[849] If you are looking for a fun way to pass the time while engaging your brain and enjoying breathtaking visuals and a gripping story, your answer is Best Fiends.

[850] I like it because they have like really cute, fun characters that you collect.

[851] I like it because you can play it and then stop playing and then go right back into it.

[852] You don't have a continuous...

[853] Yes.

[854] And you can play where you can play.

[855] forever because it doesn't require internet, which I love.

[856] So I'm like at the airport.

[857] That is my game.

[858] Best Fiends is a casual game.

[859] Like you just said that you can play.

[860] You can spend as much or a little time as you like.

[861] You can come in and out.

[862] It's visually appealing.

[863] The design is incredible.

[864] It's like super bright and fun.

[865] And I'll look down and be like, oh my God, I've been playing this for 25 minutes.

[866] It's crazy.

[867] We also like it because our brains are big and we like puzzles.

[868] And this is a puzzle experience, unlike any other puzzle game that I've played.

[869] It updates the game monthly with new levels and events.

[870] which I love so it never gets old, treats the game like a service for their players.

[871] So engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of cute characters.

[872] Trust me, with over 100 million downloads, this five -star rated mobile puzzle game is a must -play.

[873] Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

[874] That's Friends Without the R, Best Fiends.

[875] Now, you've never been in a relationship.

[876] What's the closest you've ever gotten?

[877] Three months, two months, one month, something?

[878] Give me something.

[879] Is it somebody you had a crush on?

[880] Yeah, I did have a crush on.

[881] on him and then what happened and then we went out and the crush started to go away and did you did you kiss make out do anything yeah we did everything did you ever ask him why ask him why what why didn't work out why he didn't want to go out with you no he did we went out and then why didn't he want to go out with you after that well it wasn't him I didn't want to go out with him after that why so I just didn't like him as much as I wanted to like him but why you're not giving me any details.

[882] That's just general.

[883] Hogwash.

[884] Is it?

[885] It's not.

[886] I mean, just like I wasn't attracted to him.

[887] What did he say that turned you off?

[888] He was, he, he was a bit, it was a little negative.

[889] It was a lot of like general.

[890] Because he probably doesn't have any jobs.

[891] No, he does.

[892] He works.

[893] He does.

[894] Does he really work?

[895] He does.

[896] A day player with a bunch of lines.

[897] No, no, no. He works.

[898] He works.

[899] He works.

[900] Yeah.

[901] All right.

[902] So you didn't like him because his outlook on life is negativity.

[903] A little bit.

[904] I like someone who connects with things that they like over things that they dislike.

[905] And this is the only person out of all the people that you can come up with at 30 -something years old that you got that close to.

[906] Yeah.

[907] Look, I also, again.

[908] You sure you're not gay?

[909] I'm not.

[910] That's a fair question.

[911] Are you a little fluid or no. Well, I have a question.

[912] What is the difference between staying away from dating and being asexual?

[913] isolation, something in their childhood, which would take a whole other podcast, which was we'd have to go into deep and see where she had, so when we're little, we make decisions.

[914] And those decisions set our trajectory.

[915] So something happened in her childhood that set it up, could be a divorce, could be somebody heard her when she was little.

[916] And she said no. And then she just made a brain command, which we would have to biohack her brain to uncommand it.

[917] So there's a command there.

[918] And the command is the, the, the, basically she's fulfilling her prophecy by keep pushing away so the command is no one's going like me therefore why would I like them that's the commands we'd have to spend time biohacking her brain to uncommand it so if we uncommand that your energy shifts and that's really important you know you to do a lot of work on yourself meditation can only get you so far you have to go to those places of why did I make this decision if you've had traumatic childhoods drug abuse alcohol abuse if you were abandoned as a child if you were adopted i'm adopted so there you know there's a lot of that going on which is kind of driving the bus right to nowhereville you know and that could be it the other thing is do you think you've been around enough men who are quality that you would like and that rejected you like were there men that you've met that you go god damn it why don't i get a relationship with him okay so you've not really surrounded yourself with quality individuals where he's had a lot of individuals.

[919] Well, I don't know if they're quality.

[920] Well, he could have made them quality and then disconnected from them after he had sex.

[921] So, like, I have a client right now who's gay.

[922] And he has sex on the first date.

[923] Okay.

[924] Like, adenozoam.

[925] He's done it since he's, like, 16 years old when he came out.

[926] And he's about 40.

[927] And he's very handsome and good -looking and wealthy.

[928] And I said to him, what if we don't have sex for the next six months?

[929] Well, six months.

[930] Six months.

[931] I said, you can have your backup boys, but you can't the guy that you date that's quality like on the wish list you can't have sex until the third fourth date you know let's try this for six months and so finally on the fourth guy I fixed him up with they hit it off and he calls me on the phone he goes what do I do he wants to have sex I said tell him that I told you you can't have sex so he tells the guy this and I'm the one who fixed them up and the other guy's like Patty said that he's like all right let's do it and they spent literally three weeks getting to know each other before they said, which is like six months and straight time.

[932] And they're dating.

[933] That's amazing.

[934] But see, he had the I want to jump your bones from the moment he met the person, but he didn't know the person underneath.

[935] If you guys want to connect, you got to connect, you know, at a level eight versus a level 10.

[936] And he said, okay, and they tried it and it worked.

[937] And it was because he would sleep with them and decide after he slept with them whether they were good enough, but he didn't know anything about them.

[938] He had no reference point of who they are, where they grew up, who relationships they had.

[939] What kind of friends do they hang out with?

[940] And I was always like, all right, tell me about the guy.

[941] And he's like, what's her to tell?

[942] I slept with him.

[943] I'm like, no, no, tell me about the guy.

[944] And there was nothing to tell.

[945] Because he never got to know him.

[946] I have a guy at my gym for the last five years.

[947] And he's been kind of been to his house.

[948] We played games.

[949] And he's super hot.

[950] He's a successful actor.

[951] He's gorgeous.

[952] He's nice.

[953] He's completely opposite of me. I'm very right brain.

[954] He's very left brain.

[955] He builds his own cabinets.

[956] every time I talk to him at the gym and I fall in love with his eyes and I'm just gushing over him in my mind my mind says he's out of my league and so that is my question to you what do you think about that phrase that person's out of my league so when they're really like either a good looking B make a lot of money or see perfect in every stage of life and I'm not we do that to ourselves because we don't feel good enough right we're not good enough now we would take you back to the time in your life when you felt you weren't good enough and that's the trigger so he's triggering something in you can you fix it could you go out with him yes but the homework assignment would be hey have you thought about having a relationship lately and you know would you want to have it would you want to explore that with me and you would have to own up to that and be an adult and say it because that would teach you how to qualify someone and then you would get to know him and I bet you if you got to know him the way I think you were you wouldn't think that thought anymore you don't really know him no but when I leave the gym I don't think about when I'm there those insecure voice inside my head is saying yeah that those things yeah yeah yeah the devil saying you can't have him so what I would say to you is I would make a plan to go out to get to know him and find out once you know they're human and they're not perfect nobody's perfect no then you get to that okay i could date him but you're not there yet because you don't really know him well i i do feel we're friends owned already though but you can get out of the friend zone this business of you've got what you pick is where you stay is lying you could be on a rainy night watching movies with him getting to know him and all of a sudden it shifts consciousness into into lovers like we have to stop this like you're set in what you think.

[957] Wow.

[958] I've seen more people transition from friend zone to relationships than straight off into relationships because they feel relaxed.

[959] What you're trying to do is get into a state of relaxation with this person.

[960] When you're in a state of relaxation and it doesn't trigger your seven minutes anxiety, then what happens, you'll go, oh, he's not, he's not perfect.

[961] He's got this, he's got that.

[962] I could date him.

[963] You're not in that place yet.

[964] I would, I mean, your homework assignment would be really to go out and date him and it would be an exercise in fertility to get you over this I'm not good enough for people at the level it's not up to me well you can ask him out yeah and you can see what he says or you can say let's have dinner could I ask him out as not a date like just let's get dinner because I think you don't have to label it a date you just say let's grab dinner just the two of us he came up to me two days ago and he's like I thought about you all week you're so funny just and you you really you had me cracking up and I thought about that for this whole week okay so let's talk about why you think you're not good enough what are the first reason you don't think you're good enough to go out with him that he's out of your league what do you think is it money looks what I'm too wild okay I'm his opposite you're most likely going to end up with someone more cerebral and not wild as you are you're going to end up with someone grounded but you're not saying anything right now about what makes him out of your league just because he's different from you doesn't mean he's out of your league feel go to your feeling place i don't feel i feel that i'm too um too too too too gay for him okay that's bullshit that's again that's again that's bullshit so you're saying you're the queen you're the life of the party and he's mr i don't you didn't know i was gay i'm the football player in the back bullshit bullshit he's gay you're gay and a story it doesn't matter if one person's more flamboyant and the other he's attracted to you he wouldn't be hanging out with you.

[965] Your job right now is to go on a date with him.

[966] He doesn't have to know it's a date and get to know him.

[967] Then judge yourself.

[968] How do I feel after that date?

[969] Do I still feel like I'm out of his league?

[970] He's going to say something that's so corny and so nerdy and so human and you're going to be like, he's not all that.

[971] You watch, but you haven't done that yet.

[972] And also, it's so self -loathing to say he's out of your league because he's less gay than you.

[973] So he has an internal and you're an external.

[974] That's basically what's happening.

[975] You're an external.

[976] He's, an internal.

[977] So external internal is usually marriage.

[978] You don't usually date or marry your same type.

[979] You're drawn to his groundedness.

[980] So think about that.

[981] He might turn your volume down.

[982] I was engaged to somebody who was like that and I was external.

[983] He was internal.

[984] And about two years into our relationship I realized my volume had turned down.

[985] I wasn't so I got to be the life of the party.

[986] I got to talk all the time.

[987] I like I was like I love that.

[988] I was love.

[989] Oh God.

[990] And sleeping was the best.

[991] Forget get the sex.

[992] We'd curl up in a ball and watch 24.

[993] I remember we had the flu for like two weeks and we watched 24 and I never felt more loved and more safe and he pet me and it was like he took my volume down.

[994] So let his energy come into your energetic field and let it blend because you will be surprised.

[995] He's not out of your league.

[996] That's a lie.

[997] That's a lie you tell yourself.

[998] That's probably a lie you tell yourself to not go for it because you want to be baby and you want to be chased.

[999] Yeah, and I have set myself up to fail as this thing which I do with hot guys where I flirt with them and it's a bit.

[1000] Beyond, I'm the same way.

[1001] I was taught the same way.

[1002] Who am I am not on?

[1003] Who will love me if I'm not the life of the party and entertaining to the opposite sex?

[1004] Like I'm at the point like when I date now, I'm like, entertain me. How about you don't get on?

[1005] You stop the on stuff.

[1006] You can change your behavior.

[1007] He's seen that part of me in the last six months.

[1008] Now I've gone to his house and played games with him and another friend.

[1009] And he is more drawn to me when he's seen this other side of me. Because your volume is turned down.

[1010] So turn the volume down.

[1011] Ask him out for dinner in a movie or whatever you want to do and get to know him.

[1012] Go home and then check yourself.

[1013] How do you feel about him?

[1014] Do you still feel he's out of your league?

[1015] Because I'll bet you you don't.

[1016] I don't think he'll say yes.

[1017] But okay.

[1018] Well, how did you come to his house?

[1019] He invited you?

[1020] Yeah, with two other friends.

[1021] We played Catan.

[1022] Sett -al -al -a -Catan.

[1023] Okay.

[1024] I don't see why he would say no. Because it'll sound like a date.

[1025] And how do you know he doesn't want to go in a date with you?

[1026] I don't, but I don't.

[1027] I think, God, now I'm in my head.

[1028] You're right.

[1029] Because I've created this thing.

[1030] You created a story that you don't know is real.

[1031] You need to do landmark forum.

[1032] I already took it 20 years ago.

[1033] I love it.

[1034] Me too, but you need a refresher course because you're doing a racket.

[1035] No, I have a racket about him.

[1036] You won't know until you take the chance.

[1037] And I'm open to it.

[1038] Take the chance.

[1039] Okay.

[1040] Well, can I ask him to go to, to, to, to, the pokey bar right after the gym sometime because we've done that already or is that no no it's not special something special has to be where you go home take a shower and go back at got it do like something real like hey i got tickets to this or i want to try this restaurant yeah yeah i want to try this restaurant oh my god there you know what he likes to eat find a restaurant that he's dying to try and then go there make reservation i'm super uncomfortable so this is a great challenge you're going to have to get on the phone and call him up if you don't see him at the gym and do it like right just like you would do anybody else it's funny because i do think this is a differential in the gay straight community because have you ever done that you've never done that no i'm all apps even just this person to person idea do you believe in out of your league like in general no no no you don't no most people you think are out of their league once you find out about them they're not so out of your league everybody's human everybody's got their issues what about looks out of your league like three's and eight like i can't see a zero dating a 10 unless he's got billions you know like that we see that in the news all the time we're like how did that guy get that girl it's like he's you know he's rich but you should go two steps above or two steps below that's it two up two down he's got more action going than you oh for sure because he sees people and he connects to people and he's always meeting new people his job is to learn how to choose wisely yeah and connect and slow down your job you have nobody you like.

[1041] So we're in it, so to take this new guy that you went on the date the other night with is, is okay.

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] You still need to practice dating because you haven't had a relationship.

[1044] He's had, he's had relationships.

[1045] You haven't had them.

[1046] So we need you to get in that feeling place of, I'm going out, I'm flirty, I'm wearing my sexy look atop, you know, and I'm like blah, blah, blah, and isn't it fun?

[1047] Isn't dating great?

[1048] Isn't dating fun?

[1049] Because you don't, you think dates drudgery.

[1050] Yeah, I do.

[1051] And he likes dating.

[1052] He likes dating.

[1053] He likes dating.

[1054] He likes, meeting new people.

[1055] Well, he likes...

[1056] He likes fucking.

[1057] And dating leads to fucking.

[1058] You're stuck in like, uh, scientifically he's not right for me. There's also the other, so two challenges ago, she gave a number to a guy.

[1059] And he's still in the, in the rotation too.

[1060] How many times have you gone out with him?

[1061] Once, but that's because then I had to go out with this person.

[1062] And I, oh, you mean, you can't date more than twice or three times a week?

[1063] But I truly, what are we going to do with you?

[1064] I can't.

[1065] I have like seven.

[1066] So workaholic.

[1067] When you make love a priority, love will show up.

[1068] When you make work a priority, work will show up.

[1069] If you do not balance the two, no one's showing up.

[1070] So I don't like that you can't date more than once a week because you got this, you got that.

[1071] That's a bunch of bullshit.

[1072] You don't want to go out with them.

[1073] Guy that you give up work for is obviously the one.

[1074] I think that's true.

[1075] But who's going to be good enough for you?

[1076] I don't know.

[1077] Who's going to be good enough for you to give up the work?

[1078] If you don't spend time getting to know someone, you need to go out with the trainer boy to see what you feel.

[1079] I am.

[1080] I'm going to.

[1081] And I'm going to go out with the other boy.

[1082] Did he ask you out the trainer boy?

[1083] Yeah.

[1084] And are we getting a low cut top over the weekend?

[1085] I blew me deals as having a sale.

[1086] 30 % off.

[1087] I just saw it.

[1088] Oh, boy.

[1089] I don't want to hear your stories.

[1090] Your sad luck stories.

[1091] You already went out with him once.

[1092] He already knows your look.

[1093] Now you need to show the girls.

[1094] But that's if I want to have sex with him.

[1095] No. Just because you show, I love showing the girls and saying, don't touch until I tell you.

[1096] Like, this is my, my job.

[1097] My little...

[1098] But look, right now, look at your shirt.

[1099] Got lace on it.

[1100] You've got lace, but it's a long -sleeve shirt, but it's tight.

[1101] Actually, I have a date tonight, and I was debating whether to wear the stuff.

[1102] And you would wear that, right?

[1103] Yeah.

[1104] But this is not a guy I know.

[1105] This is an app guy.

[1106] I don't know if I'm going to be attracted.

[1107] I wasn't loving the picture.

[1108] Okay, so this is exactly my life.

[1109] And second of all, I am duty dating tonight.

[1110] I'm getting out of the house to have a coxletretto and eat some seafood and be.

[1111] like charming and I'm doing it but I'm doing it and I didn't put work first.

[1112] But I'm saying that on these dates that I've gone on these first dates this is a very comparable outfit to what I would have been wearing.

[1113] I know but I want you to do a little more.

[1114] I want you to get it I feel like your sexuality you're not in touch with.

[1115] I can't explain it.

[1116] I'm covering up because I could fuck anybody anywhere.

[1117] The devil comes I could fuck them.

[1118] Okay so I need you to realize that I want you to get into the flirty.

[1119] My boobs are 34 double D natural.

[1120] So So when I show them, you know I want it.

[1121] But mine are 32, double D. Okay, well, there you go.

[1122] So you can see them in a tight top.

[1123] I'm just telling you.

[1124] But you need a low cut top, your skinny mini, you need a low cup top.

[1125] You can throw your, I love your, you know, Martins, but come on.

[1126] Your thing is to wear a sexy hot outfit on the trainer date.

[1127] Oh, no. And to feel your sexuality.

[1128] You can wear a thigh high boots.

[1129] You can wear a mini skirt.

[1130] You could do low plunge, get your hair done at a dry bar.

[1131] you know just just do it like that okay and put your makeup on your eye blow those eyes up I want to see Kardashian smoky eye sexy I want sexy Kim lip I want sexy Kim lip yeah I want to see it you are going to be more Kim than Courtney with a lot of Chloe thrown in wow okay so we're doing that okay could this be with the because she has two guys could it also might be with the other one?

[1132] Can I pick?

[1133] Which one of you are more sexually attracted to?

[1134] Traneer.

[1135] I don't know.

[1136] The other guy's very cute, too.

[1137] So you have two cute guys and you don't like anyone.

[1138] What do we have a problem with?

[1139] Do you have a vagina?

[1140] Is there a clitoris there?

[1141] What?

[1142] Just do your thing.

[1143] Like, do your thing.

[1144] What's your thing?

[1145] What's your thing?

[1146] Come on.

[1147] I can do my thing, but I feel uncomfortable having that drink.

[1148] Everything is, I feel uncomfortable.

[1149] Everything is, I can't do this.

[1150] Everything is, he can't do that.

[1151] Shut the fuck up and just drink and be you.

[1152] This is fucking amazing.

[1153] Because I'm telling you right now, everything is a wall.

[1154] You got walls, girl.

[1155] I do.

[1156] You are a wall girl.

[1157] Monica, what were you doing with those walls?

[1158] Can we break them down?

[1159] That's the point.

[1160] That is literally what we're doing here.

[1161] Okay, so you're going to, you are not in your sexuality.

[1162] Do you masturbate every night?

[1163] Not every night, but I do a lot.

[1164] Do you have a vibrator?

[1165] Yes.

[1166] Okay.

[1167] So you need to get your sexuality.

[1168] When you masturbate, what do you think of?

[1169] I'm not.

[1170] This is so uncomfortable.

[1171] Rob's too uncomfortable for this.

[1172] Rob, close your ears.

[1173] Rob's fine.

[1174] Rob's fucking doesn't even have sex because he's married.

[1175] Come on, let's go.

[1176] He's excited over this.

[1177] You think once you get married, the sex goes out the fucking window.

[1178] Everybody knows that.

[1179] Do you have a person you fantasize about?

[1180] You go on porn?

[1181] What do you do?

[1182] No, I don't use porn.

[1183] Okay, so you don't use porn.

[1184] Do you have a fantasy of a person?

[1185] I mean, I fantasize about people all the time, but it's a rotating list.

[1186] What do they, what are they going to do to you that you're going to fantasize about?

[1187] What do you like?

[1188] Do you want them to take you to a fancy?

[1189] you restaurant and undress you like what do you like what's your fantasy what's your thing no it's not anything of like them doing anything for me it's just like it's just their personality you're not thinking about personality when you're jacking off of the vibrator i definitely am not thinking about just a hot person no i'm not attracted to that i'm not attracted to just physicality you just can't look at a naked man with a beautiful penis and a chiseled chest and go okay i want to fuck the shit out of you no okay then you're not your sexuality We need to get you in your sexuality.

[1190] Okay.

[1191] Because when you're in your sexual, you're not thinking about, oh, I really hope he has a good personality.

[1192] You're thinking about take me and do me and stick that fucking dick in me. Yeah, I do not do that.

[1193] I don't.

[1194] That's just the truth.

[1195] We're going back to the outfit.

[1196] Okay.

[1197] You can have an extra cocktail if you're Uber, so I give you three.

[1198] But please space them out with food in between.

[1199] Okay.

[1200] Have a little pokey, mokey, whatever.

[1201] Okay.

[1202] Second of all, you're going to get into you, your sexuality.

[1203] Think about your fantasy.

[1204] what do you want this guy to do to you?

[1205] Maybe the night before Jack often think about what he would do to you.

[1206] So you don't think about I need to get laid this week, I need to have a little sex and I get a jizzy down there.

[1207] You're the opposite of every person I ever trained.

[1208] So I have to usually cut the sex off.

[1209] You need sex.

[1210] Honey, I am telling you, put a condom on it and I never say this at a girl and they're dirty.

[1211] You're in dirty 30s.

[1212] Dirty 30s is you're clawing the wall for sex.

[1213] You can't stop.

[1214] You'll ride by the guy's house who gave her one orgasm and smell him and like you're in heat you need to do this shit yeah get into your sexuality and he will show up he doesn't want to go out with a cerebral doorknob i'm not a doorknob meaning you are so stuck in your head they want to touch you and taste you and smell you and feel you and play with your boobs they want they want to see the whole essence of you that's what men are attracted to then you get down to the nitty -gritty and then you're like okay let's negotiate but they may want to but what if I don't?

[1215] Well, most women in their 30s want that.

[1216] Have you had your hormones checked?

[1217] I want you to go get your hormones checked.

[1218] They're fine.

[1219] I also think there is a scale and I don't think every single person...

[1220] You're 31 and haven't had a relationship.

[1221] Hello?

[1222] 32.

[1223] And we're not a virgin here.

[1224] So you're 32 and haven't had a serious relationship.

[1225] It's because you're not in connection and there's walls up.

[1226] Yes.

[1227] So walls are...

[1228] Something sexually happened that shut down the wall Because everything you say to me is I don't want to be sexual.

[1229] I don't want to be sexual.

[1230] I don't want to be sexual.

[1231] I don't want to be sexual.

[1232] I don't want to be sexual.

[1233] I don't want to be sexual.

[1234] It's like, what is with the sexuality thing?

[1235] Well, it's not that I don't want to be a low -cut shirt and a skirt.

[1236] There's an expectation there.

[1237] You don't have to go home with him.

[1238] You're wearing clothes for you, not for him.

[1239] I want to see if he touches you.

[1240] And then did you get a tingle?

[1241] I want to see if he leans in.

[1242] Sometimes the guy doesn't, you can't stand the guy.

[1243] And then they kiss you and you're like, Damn, that was good.

[1244] I agree with that.

[1245] No, I...

[1246] The peanut gallery speaks.

[1247] I was feeling defensive of Monica for a bit because she's gone on a lot of dates and she hasn't...

[1248] Felt the juge.

[1249] Right.

[1250] And I think that just because I think she will find the judge eventually.

[1251] But what I do agree with is that you don't know what you don't know.

[1252] And they talk about that landmark form a lot where there is something that will happen that you have not even felt that you never know.

[1253] And that will be a second and third date.

[1254] Right.

[1255] And it's going to be interesting.

[1256] And the thing with you is this.

[1257] It's an experiment.

[1258] Of course.

[1259] And what did you feel when you put these sexy clothes on?

[1260] Yes.

[1261] Is it a really good story about Richard Menon, my favorite actor.

[1262] And he says that he doesn't really feel the actor's role that he's playing until he puts the costume on.

[1263] And when he puts the costume on, he becomes that person.

[1264] Well, I want you to put the costume on.

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] Okay.

[1267] That's my challenge.

[1268] I will take it.

[1269] So there you go.

[1270] And that's not a hard challenge.

[1271] He's a way harder challenge than you.

[1272] You're going to plan a date somewhere along the next two weeks and go out.

[1273] Okay.

[1274] And don't be nervous because I think you're going to have a really good time.

[1275] Just remember, you're not going to try to impress him or entertain him.

[1276] Right, but that's hard because I've been doing that for the last five years.

[1277] No, sit there and go, I want to know about you.

[1278] Don't you know that people love to other people to ask them questions because they're flattered?

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] So get to know him.

[1281] And you're going to wear your flirty outfit.

[1282] So we have a week to do this.

[1283] You're going to be hung over from Super Bowl on Monday like everybody else is.

[1284] So go out with them Tuesday night.

[1285] You need recovery day on Monday.

[1286] And Monday's a laundry night anyway.

[1287] You don't want to give someone Monday night.

[1288] That tells them like you don't like them at all.

[1289] Do you know that?

[1290] Every night is different of the week.

[1291] Friday nights like girls' night.

[1292] So if you go out on a Friday night with a guy, you're like, you're a cusp.

[1293] I'm not really sure Saturday night is you really like the person.

[1294] That's the main event.

[1295] Sunday brunch is like, I squeezed you in.

[1296] That's what we did for.

[1297] first day.

[1298] And Monday, and Monday is laundry night, like, I really don't give a shit whether you die or live.

[1299] thought process of how you block money, you block love.

[1300] They're kind of connected in a lot of ways.

[1301] And we have a lot of systems that work really fast.

[1302] This is not law of attraction, ask, believe, receive.

[1303] This is real stuff that's scientific.

[1304] That's going to change your mindset to attract really big money.

[1305] And I know all the millioners and all the billionaires.

[1306] And I know exactly what they do.

[1307] And plus I know people who, you know, you know, met on the first dates and fallen in love and gotten married.

[1308] So it's going to change your world.

[1309] It's going to be really intense thing and if you can attend you can buy it afterwards at infinite love and money dot com because it'll be recorded great yeah wonderful so check that out yeah and that's in march that's in march right awesome well thank you patty thank you so much i really appreciate it i hope i wasn't too hard no we need it i'm tough i'm tough i'm tough love that's what we're here for thank you so much okay thank you so much for having me