#23 - Brian Redban

[0] There we go.

[1] Now we're on, ladies and gentlemen.

[2] We're sort of on time.

[3] We try to get it right every week, but every week we fuck something up.

[4] And this week I made sure that I turned off the sound on my computer, the one over there.

[5] I haven't even turned off the sound on this one yet.

[6] I did it for you.

[7] I did yours.

[8] I didn't do mine.

[9] He didn't do yours.

[10] He passed the torch.

[11] It could have easily been me that just fucked up, which that's the reason why I fucked up.

[12] It's because I'm here.

[13] Because I always fuck it up.

[14] I fuck it up every week.

[15] We've done this goddamn thing like 22 weeks in a row.

[16] I fuck it up every single time.

[17] But this week it was Brian.

[18] You know, I've been thinking about this podcast a lot, ladies and gentlemen.

[19] And one of the things I've been thinking about is I appreciate the fuck out of everybody listening.

[20] And we do try our best to make this as interesting as possible and as smooth and professional as possible.

[21] But I've got to admit that I've been too stressed out about this.

[22] I've been taking it too seriously.

[23] I mean, taking it seriously in a good way, whereas we improve the sound.

[24] We've got a real mixer.

[25] I mean, we're sitting on couches and shit, and we're going to get better cameras.

[26] that like it's not like there's a part of it that's really fun but there's a part of it that wasn't fun and i don't think that should exist i don't think i should ever get too serious about this this is for people who are working who are just being distracted that just want something because they're doing mindless shit this is for people that are driving in their cars and you know want something to listen to this is for people on the train this is for people at the gym whatever the fuck it's for you guys all right and If we take it too seriously, you stop being yourself.

[27] And it starts being like this professional thing that you're trying real hard to do.

[28] And I think I've fallen prey to that a little bit.

[29] I was thinking about it today.

[30] After I took a little bit ahead of the week.

[31] And I was thinking about it, and I was like, you know what, man?

[32] This thing, like, I'm like, I pay too much attention to it.

[33] It should just be a weekly fun thing, like it or not, you know, for anybody who's like -minded or anybody who's interested in some sort of a distraction from someone who's not like -minded.

[34] Well, knowing you, Joe, you do that a lot on a lot of things.

[35] Everything.

[36] You obsess on a lot of stuff.

[37] I'm a fucking freak.

[38] I got problems.

[39] Cool.

[40] Yeah, listen, this is my number one problem in life.

[41] I try very hard to advance as a human being.

[42] I try to evolve.

[43] I try to fix whatever issues that I have with myself, whatever errors that I've made in my life.

[44] I try to never make them more than once.

[45] I try to constantly be moving.

[46] But if I have an ongoing theme with problems in my life, the number one thing is with obsessions.

[47] I get obsessed with shit.

[48] To the point where, especially games.

[49] But it doesn't have to be games.

[50] We talked about this.

[51] It could be beating off.

[52] It could be fucking anything.

[53] My head gets super focused on things.

[54] And it's good in some ways because it allows you to put a lot of energy into things and work really hard at things.

[55] And that can allow you to become successful.

[56] I mean, that's the reason why I got successful with martial arts, with comedy, with anything.

[57] Because I became obsessed with it.

[58] But it's good.

[59] If you're like a mindless person, it's good to force you to doing something.

[60] You're not even sure why you're doing it.

[61] You're just doing it and you're getting good at it.

[62] You know, you're getting this reward, but you're not really contemplating whether or not you're putting too much energy and effort into one certain thing.

[63] You know, you know what I'm talking about?

[64] It becomes like it doesn't become like a conscious thing.

[65] It becomes like like this is a positive thing.

[66] I'm doing this.

[67] I'm moving in this direction.

[68] It becomes an obsession and it becomes you.

[69] Just have this need.

[70] Like with video games, I had it.

[71] I had it really bad with Quake.

[72] Really bad.

[73] I would play eight, ten hours a day.

[74] And I would be talking to someone.

[75] And if they said a fucking single thing that was boring, I'd be like, why am I even talking to you when I could be playing Quake?

[76] That's what I would be thinking.

[77] Like, you know, I'd be like hanging out with my chick.

[78] We'd be having a conversation about something.

[79] And I would be like nodding my head.

[80] And I'm thinking, how much more time do I have to talk to her before I could sneak away and go play Quake?

[81] When the first times I met you online, we used to play Quake.

[82] And there was one.

[83] time in particular i don't know if we've talked about this where we played i think you killed me 120 times in a row i hadn't killed you once and you kept on going and i was like i want to stop now and you're like no when let's play come on it was by the way i'm obsessing about the fleshlight we should say this at the beginning oh yeah that's right we're uh yeah we have to we have to thank our sponsor we have a sponsor we're sponsored by the fleshlight Fleshlight .com.

[84] And if you go to Joe Rogan's website and click on his banner on the right side, you get 15 % off your words.

[85] And this is how we say it.

[86] If you beat off, and I know you do, okay, this is a product that makes beating off way better.

[87] It's really that simple.

[88] You know, there's a lot of emotional and psychological shit attached to buying a fake pussy that you're actually going to stick your dick in.

[89] It's like not a very manly thing.

[90] But as you think about money that you spend on and you tell everybody about like a new loofah sponge.

[91] Dude, I got this fucking sponge.

[92] It's on a stick.

[93] It's the shit.

[94] Fucking get in there.

[95] You know, I mean, people that get all like you could talk about pleasurable things as long as it doesn't involve your dick.

[96] That shit changes your life, too.

[97] Like I tried to masturbate with my hand because I was too lazy to bend over.

[98] or reach and get the fleshlight that was on the thing behind me. And I tried to masturbate with my hand halfway through.

[99] I was like, this is stupid.

[100] I need to go get my fleshlight.

[101] It's not nearly as good.

[102] It's because, first of all, you can't enjoy it fully.

[103] Because no matter how much it feels good to be rubbing on your dick, that's only half of your brain.

[104] The other half of your brain is going, oh my god, I have a dick in my hand.

[105] There's a certain amount of your brain that knows you are jerking off a dick, even if it's your own dick.

[106] Even if it feels...

[107] Good.

[108] There's still a – there's some torment there.

[109] There's some conflict.

[110] I got to show you something, Joe.

[111] Something happened to me the other day when I was using it and I need to warn anybody that has a flashlight not to do this.

[112] This is not your used one, right?

[113] No, no, no. That's the butthole.

[114] All right.

[115] So like when you pull it out to clean – That's like you just like pulled a fish out of a bucket.

[116] Right, right, right.

[117] It's crazy.

[118] So anyways, when you go to clean it, the end of it – when you don't have this little metal thing or the plastic thing in here, I'll hold up to the camera.

[119] There's like a hole that you attach to your faucet.

[120] Now I've been like attaching it to my faucet.

[121] You know, the water goes through it and blows out the fuck hole.

[122] But I've been like holding it like a hose at the end of it.

[123] So it fills up with water and shoots to come out real fast.

[124] Kind of like, you know, Well, the problem is I was so stoned when I did it and I held it and I was facing myself in a spider all over my face.

[125] No. I swear to God.

[126] Now, I don't know.

[127] I don't know if the cum had already popped out because I didn't do it.

[128] Of course it didn't.

[129] You shot your own load in your mug.

[130] So watch out, fleshlight owners.

[131] If you clean it that way, don't aim for the face.

[132] How do you stuff it back in there?

[133] You just force it back in there?

[134] I don't even know if I'm doing it right because I don't read the directions to anything.

[135] I don't read the directions to shit.

[136] Isn't that weird?

[137] When was the last time you read directions to anything?

[138] Honestly, I have.

[139] don't remember the last time i read it has to be something for my kids it has to be something where it's not involving me and there's like danger and i have to make sure everything's set up okay i put together a crib recently and i had i looked at all the directions it was kind of complicated it was really tricky it took like an hour you know maybe because i'm a moron but it did take an hour you know back when i was doing construction back in the day i probably could have got it done about 50 minutes about 55 right um but uh yeah i don't look at directions it's shit It's kind of like a challenge.

[140] It's like a Rubik's Cube to me. I need to figure everything out myself.

[141] Also, one of the things that I love, I hate to be a guy who's a Windows or a Mac guy because I think it's a stupid argument, but if you don't have a fucking computer at all, if you've never had a computer and you're a reasonably intelligent person, you can navigate your way around a Mac.

[142] You know what I'm saying?

[143] Yeah, totally.

[144] Like someone goes like this.

[145] See this?

[146] This is where the mouse is, this track thing.

[147] And if you go down here, see, that's called a finder.

[148] And when you click on that, see, everything opens, and it's all right there, whatever you want.

[149] What do you need?

[150] Do you need a movie?

[151] Do you need your email?

[152] What do you need?

[153] It's all right there.

[154] I don't like things that are too complicated, that are overly pain in the ass complicated, like this fucking MP3 player.

[155] That thing's a little complicated.

[156] That's crazy complicated.

[157] There's shit that we buy, like this Miss Mixer.

[158] What the fuck is all going on in there?

[159] I'm so glad that I have a brain, though, that wants to figure things out.

[160] So to me, it's like a challenge.

[161] So luckily, I hope that never stops, though, because I don't want to be like one of those people that just after a certain age, they give up on the computers or they give up on the cell phones or the VCRs.

[162] people that I've ever met you are the number one best at figuring out like computer type shit and figuring out like software shit and like you got a weird mind for it dude like someone can give you a cell phone like a new cell phone you're like oh did you even know that you could do this you can get ringtone sent to your house and then you can call somebody with this and it's like you can eat it immediately as soon as you get up in the morning it'll go to an internet connection and it'll show you what your email is for the day like you just press this button right here and people are like what the fuck are you talking about I didn't even know it did that like you find like weird shit on phone the weird things that they can do.

[163] Like, you know, there's a certain part of your brain, man, that it just goes right to like weird.

[164] fucking, like, secret shit.

[165] The problem with that, though, is everything's so fucking complicated that when something goes wrong at my household, it's like fucking nuclear war.

[166] I mean, it's like, okay, the movie stops streaming.

[167] I gotta go to the computer in the living room that's broadcasting into my sling box that's now going over my Wi -Fi connection.

[168] It's like that.

[169] It's not just like, oh, you know, just hit the power button on and off and blow into it, you know?

[170] Yeah, when I was at your place the other day, just being in your office, it's like, dude, what are you doing?

[171] Are you controlling some fucking, you know, some hidden camera somewhere?

[172] You're operating an empire.

[173] It's like there's so much electronic shit in your office.

[174] It's like a scene in The Matrix.

[175] You go into the dude's dusty basement, and he's got these fucking computers rigged up, except you've got all sorts of them, all kinds of nutty shit.

[176] You're the only one that I know that's even thought about getting a fucking 3D TV.

[177] You have a 3D TV, man. In my bedroom.

[178] That's a weird thing.

[179] You know what's crazy, though, is that this person I know, unfortunately, their house burned down.

[180] Their alarm clock caught on fire and shorted out.

[181] I've heard of that happening more than once.

[182] Right.

[183] And what scares the fuck out of me that an alarm clock did that.

[184] But then you go into my office and there was more wires and fucking shit everywhere and dust balls.

[185] Dude, you're freaking me out.

[186] It's crazy.

[187] Yeah, it is.

[188] Electricity just as itself is fucking crazy.

[189] I mean, we don't think about it because we have it.

[190] didn't exist and someone all of a sudden came along with an infinite source of energy not infinite but like infinitely powerful like it can fucking power fucking cities okay and you it's running through your house all the time and you just stick something and it's got a little tiny piece of plastic that's protecting you from sure death and there's these two metal prongs and you're going to insert them into the fucking source and this source is plugged into a grid that powers the whole goddamn fucking city it's that powerful and it's all running through there and you just You just plug into it, and you're constantly attached to it.

[191] You leave the lights on all night.

[192] You fucking don't even think about it.

[193] You go to sleep with the TV on, and there's just this fucking mad amount of energy surging through your house.

[194] Do you remember electrocets?

[195] Is that what they're called?

[196] Where they were like – I don't know.

[197] When you were a kid, you could build robots that had batteries and stuff like that.

[198] It was like Lincoln Logs but with like – Oh, I kind of remember this.

[199] I think that's what it was called.

[200] Very vague.

[201] But there was a – I had a wire.

[202] I think it was like four years ago.

[203] I had a wire and I had this bright idea to take the wire.

[204] What my idea was, I wanted to take electricity from the top outlet and move it to the bottom outlet.

[205] So I put a wire in the top outlet and a water in the bottom outlet and it blew up like sparks and I flew across the room.

[206] And I'm like, that is amazing that that shit can happen so easily.

[207] Dude.

[208] That shit is so scary.

[209] Yeah, you have kids.

[210] Do you have all that shit on all your outlets?

[211] Yeah, yeah, the little clips that go over the outlets.

[212] Yeah, most of them.

[213] But if she comes into my office when I'm not here, she could start pulling on shit.

[214] It's scary.

[215] When you have little kids too, it's like they don't know.

[216] You can't just tell them something and go, hey, stupid, why didn't you listen?

[217] They don't know that they have to listen.

[218] They don't understand that there's consequences.

[219] When you have a two -year -old, you can never be upset at them.

[220] You always have to just be correcting them.

[221] and then giving them affection and positive energy.

[222] Like when they do something wrong, you've got to say, no, you shouldn't do that.

[223] You should always be nice.

[224] You could be nice.

[225] If you're nice, then everybody's happy.

[226] But if you're not nice, then people get sad, right?

[227] So why should we be nice?

[228] Because you know what?

[229] Make everybody sad.

[230] Yes.

[231] And you give them a hug.

[232] It's like you develop a human being.

[233] You can't be upset at them.

[234] But if they're fucking adults.

[235] You know, you're like, hey, stupid, don't stick your fucking fork in the thing.

[236] You'll die.

[237] Are you sure?

[238] Go ahead, dickhead.

[239] You want to stick your fork in there?

[240] Go ahead.

[241] You know, but with babies, man, you have like a little you that you love as much, if not more than yourself.

[242] And they don't know anything.

[243] So you have to make sure they don't run down a flight of stairs.

[244] They fall all the time.

[245] You have to be real careful.

[246] But they have enough energy to talk to you, but they don't understand yet.

[247] But then why are some babies completely like, did you see that video of a baby?

[248] smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.

[249] Dude.

[250] Two -year -old baby.

[251] So many people were trying to tell me that that was fake.

[252] It was so disturbing that I put it up on Twitter and I got hundreds of fucking people on Facebook.

[253] People did it.

[254] On the message board, people did it.

[255] A bunch of people were saying that it's fake.

[256] How is it fake?

[257] It's not fake.

[258] It's CGI?

[259] It's not fake.

[260] Like it was really sucking on a carrot?

[261] But like dudes were angry.

[262] One guy was like, you know, on Twitter was like, don't fucking post up that dumb fake shit.

[263] Don't support trolls.

[264] I'm like, dude, that's a baby smoking cigarettes.

[265] This shit is real.

[266] Right.

[267] This really is a fucking two -year -old.

[268] It's funny because on my website, I used to collect baby videos and photos and videos of babies smoking cigarettes because it's just so ridiculous.

[269] And now it's like – that's like common.

[270] It's really common.

[271] Overseas.

[272] Babies love cigarettes overseas.

[273] How crazy is that?

[274] That you can take a little tiny little baby that you love and you're teaching it the world and you let it smoke a cigarette.

[275] And they're so good at it, too.

[276] I was watching that video, and I'm like, man, that baby was better at smoking cigarettes than I was.

[277] I mean, he was just flipping it around.

[278] He was acting cool with it.

[279] Well, the baby smokes two packs a day every day.

[280] They say the baby doesn't have any energy to play with his friends.

[281] And if you don't give the baby cigarettes, he goes fucking crazy.

[282] He goes crazy and starts screaming.

[283] That's so crazy.

[284] That's the problem with human beings, man, is that there's...

[285] There's a broad spectrum of us, and the broad spectrum is necessary in order to have this sort of a complex society.

[286] Until we invent robots that are going to do shitty jobs, we're going to need monkeys.

[287] We're going to need dumb fucking people.

[288] We're going to need idiots.

[289] That's a terrible way to look at the world, and it doesn't necessarily mean that anybody born into the idiot family has to be an idiot.

[290] It doesn't necessarily mean that the idiots can't snap out of it if somehow they do mushrooms or take a yoga class or try to look at their life.

[291] a different way.

[292] But for many people, the reason why they're idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn't work that well.

[293] So they got in a terrible pattern like really early in life and they have become a dumb fuck and they're stuck and they live with a bunch of other dumb fucks.

[294] So they get all this negative energy all the time.

[295] They're constantly dealing with conflicts at home that are meaningless, but distract them from getting good at anything in life or from getting your own personal shit together because all your energy is being diverted.

[296] towards conflicts.

[297] That's why it's so important to not have negative people in your life.

[298] Because if you're trying to evolve, and I know you are, and I am, and all of our friends are, everyone's trying to improve as a person.

[299] It's very difficult to fucking figure out how to be a person.

[300] It's very difficult to figure out how to manage your energy and know when you're wrong and know when you're being upset for no reason.

[301] It's a tricky thing.

[302] And one of the most important things about it is you need to pay attention.

[303] You need to have time to think about about your own interactions with other people, to think about the way you behave, to think about the way you think, to think about the direction that you're moving in the world.

[304] It takes a long time.

[305] It takes a lot of energy.

[306] And if your energy is being spent constantly dealing with bullshit, constantly dealing with fucking stupid fights that are over nothing with your girlfriend or with a buddy who's a shithead and always apologizes but then is a shithead again.

[307] If you ever have a friend like that that does shitty things, to, you know, like fucks this guy's ex -girlfriend or something and does it in like some sort of a creepy way and doesn't tell him or, you know, fucking steals some of your shit and doesn't bring it back or you lend him money and he doesn't pay you back.

[308] You know, just douchey shit that sort of piles on.

[309] Like as soon as something like that happens in a relationship with a friend, like...

[310] And you automatically start paying too much attention to it.

[311] It automatically becomes like, okay, now this isn't an enhancing relationship anymore.

[312] This isn't, you know, I hang around with you and we have a great time.

[313] You know, you say funny shit, I laugh.

[314] I think about things differently because I think about it from your point of view.

[315] You think about things from my point of view because we're totally different human beings.

[316] It's an enhancing experience.

[317] But when you have shitheads in your life and people that aren't thinking about evolving and people that aren't, they haven't subscribed to the right.

[318] the the right energy they haven't subscribed to the right direction in their life so they're they're not they're not they don't have their shit together so you're constantly like dealing with conflict when you're around them when you do that and you put yourself in those sort of situations you will fuck yourself you that those that that is an energy vampire And there's so many people that get locked into relationships and friendships and work situations.

[319] I mean, how many people just fucking hate the people they work with?

[320] Because you're with the people you work with even more than you're with your spouse.

[321] You know, most people, you get home at night.

[322] It's 6 o 'clock.

[323] How long are you going to be awake?

[324] You're going to be awake for another four hours.

[325] You're going to go to sleep at 10, probably.

[326] You're going to crash.

[327] You've got to be at work in the morning.

[328] You know, you're fucking tired.

[329] So if you think about it, how much time you're spending with your spouse?

[330] Your spouse and your kids, you know, between commuting and all that shit.

[331] It's like you're dealing with like three hours a night.

[332] But you're working.

[333] You're dealing with people eight hours a day.

[334] Working for the weekends.

[335] You know, that song was real, man. That song is real.

[336] So is working nine to five.

[337] Yeah.

[338] I watched that movie the other day.

[339] There's two songs about working.

[340] That's great.

[341] Dolly Parton always seemed to me to be this kind of sexy chick.

[342] Yeah.

[343] But that if you fucked her, you wouldn't be happy with it.

[344] You know what I mean?

[345] You know what I'm talking about?

[346] Like even back then when she was undeniably hot, you know, in the nine to five days with her big titties and her blonde hair and that's Texas accent.

[347] Dudes love Dolly Parton.

[348] It's one of the reasons why she was in all these movies.

[349] She was so attractive, you know, her whole persona.

[350] But it just seems to me that she's one of those chicks, you fuck her, and then the mystery's gone.

[351] And then you find out what's really going on behind the scenes, and you get all sad.

[352] A couple days later, you walk in your bedroom, and it's real humidity and perfume, old perfume smell, like Avon was in there.

[353] I do not like perfume, dude.

[354] I hate perfume.

[355] I hate perfume and makeup.

[356] I mean, I don't mind a teeny bit of makeup on a girl, but...

[357] When girls are all dolled out, to me, that just creeps me out.

[358] There's something weird about it, for sure.

[359] Especially if they need to do it when you leave the house.

[360] It's like you need to.

[361] You can't go out until you put your face on.

[362] That's a creepy thing, man. The worst is when their lips are sticky because of lip gloss or lipstick, and you kiss them and it sticks to the lipstick.

[363] Isn't it a weird thing that we just accept the fact that...

[364] people put stuff on their face to change the color of their face.

[365] I mean, it's not a bizarre fucking thing.

[366] I mean, we know that human beings are attracted to certain things.

[367] And so...

[368] They figured out how to make someone more attractive.

[369] They figured out how to put makeup around the eyes to make you center on the eyes, like smoky.

[370] Oh, she's mysterious.

[371] Her eyes are smoky.

[372] What is that supposed to represent?

[373] I never understood the smoky color.

[374] If you're going to get crazy and pretend that the top of your eyes are blue, okay, I'm done with that.

[375] I'm done with that.

[376] I was at the improv last night, and some Mexican girl came up, and she had huge blue things.

[377] I was just like, what?

[378] It's almost like you're trying to be a s***.

[379] superhero or something you know yeah it is a weird thing man it's a weird thing you know chris rock had a really funny joke about that about women are untruthful just by being there he's like that's he goes we're wearing makeup that's not what your face looks like why are you wearing those heels you ain't that tall i mean really it is it is so true it's a strange thing and the biggest strange one to me is the fake tit Yeah.

[380] Fake tit is the weirdest thing ever because it works.

[381] I know it works with me. It makes me excited.

[382] But meanwhile, what is it?

[383] It's a fucking bag of water.

[384] It's boobs.

[385] It's in a chick's chest.

[386] But it's not even boobs.

[387] A real boob is much sexier because you're grabbing a gland.

[388] You feel like the woman's...

[389] It's a sexual organ.

[390] If a girl has big, real tits, even if she has small...

[391] real tits and they're sensitive like when you grab them they get excited like you feel it like you're it's like you're grabbing their pussy it's like you're grabbing a sexual affectionate part of their body a part that's very sensitive but when you grab a bag of water man that's just trippy Right?

[392] Well, you know, I've only touched like a fake boob like once or twice.

[393] You know, luckily I've only dated girls with real boobs.

[394] You've been very lucky.

[395] But the thing is, even if they're fake, it's still attractive.

[396] You know, that's the nuttiest thing about human beings.

[397] It's like we know that the eye makeup is eye makeup.

[398] We know you don't really have avatar eyes.

[399] You know, the top of your eyes aren't fucking blue.

[400] Right?

[401] But somehow or another, it's attractive.

[402] You know, that bright red lipstick that you have on, somehow or another, it's attractive.

[403] The fact that I know those aren't even really your eyelashes, I don't care.

[404] It's attractive.

[405] They should paint boobs on their face.

[406] Instead of makeup, you know, like lipstick, just draw boobs.

[407] Make it look like your cheeks are boobs.

[408] Oh, you silly goose.

[409] What they're trying to look, they don't want to look like a freak.

[410] Anything that makes, it's like, there's like, there's a...

[411] evolutionary line between something that stands out and something that has like there's certain things that obviously genetically we look for we look for eyes we look for like the connection the energy inside someone's eyes and that's why people have a wonky eye or something like that or a trip to look at it's because you know you're always gonna there's in the back of your head you're always gonna think The part of the conversation is going to be this.

[412] There's a wonky eye.

[413] You know, try not to freak out.

[414] Try not to, you know, ask questions of which one to look at and try not to switch eyes and look at the left one and the right one.

[415] Just focus on one, right?

[416] And stick with it.

[417] There's something evolutionary about that.

[418] And when you add shit like a tit to a face, that's not cool anymore.

[419] Because now you have something that's in the wrong place.

[420] I wasn't being serious, Joe.

[421] I know, I'm not being serious either.

[422] I'm not being serious.

[423] I'm saying that everything has to be in the right order.

[424] You can't have three hot eyes.

[425] If a girl has really sexy, smoky eyes, she can't have one in your fucking forehead.

[426] I'll tell you what, that scene from Total Recall with the third boob chick, that was still hot to me. Really?

[427] Yeah, I think I masturbated about that when I was younger.

[428] Wow.

[429] You didn't think that was hot?

[430] No, my instincts are like, okay, what?

[431] When you see a cat that's already had babies, you know how their nipples are hanging after they have a baby, that's still hotter to me than not having those nipples.

[432] Do you know there's fake three -tit porn on the internet?

[433] Two -dick porn, three -tit porn.

[434] Yeah, there is.

[435] I've seen it before.

[436] There's fake dick porn, too.

[437] There's tentacle porn.

[438] It's my favorite.

[439] I found this one where there's this black dude who is always...

[440] He always keeps his pants on.

[441] That's how you know he's got a fake dick.

[442] He's got like some sort of a strap -on thing.

[443] And he pulls his dick out of his pants.

[444] And it's ridiculous.

[445] It's literally like as long as your arm.

[446] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[447] It's ridiculous.

[448] And the girls are like, oh, my God.

[449] And they start sucking on it.

[450] But rubber dicks look so good today.

[451] It's hard to tell that it's rubber dick.

[452] So he like fucks all these girls with his giant dick.

[453] Yeah, it's weird because when I used to first see those videos, I never thought it was fake.

[454] I just thought that black guys had horse dicks.

[455] And I was like, wow, that guy has some crazy horse dick.

[456] But then.

[457] you start noticing like they're fucking, but they're always holding it down by the base to make it, you know.

[458] Right.

[459] Well, let me ask you this then.

[460] Here's a hypothetical.

[461] Say you were dating a girl and she decided she was going to start doing girl on girl porno films.

[462] Okay.

[463] You know, you'd be like, all right, that's cool.

[464] It's just chicks.

[465] It wouldn't bother me at all.

[466] Right.

[467] Right.

[468] But how would you feel about a dude fucking her with a fake dick?

[469] If there are dudes in the room, that's what would bother me. Right.

[470] You know what I mean?

[471] She's naked and she's sucking on his fake rubber dick.

[472] Yeah, even if there's a guy cameraman, that doesn't bother me. But the guy in sexual position.

[473] What if the guy is like her buddy and like they're married to other people and it's all just for work?

[474] You don't have to worry about it.

[475] It's not like you're fucking her with his real dick.

[476] He wouldn't do that.

[477] Out of respect for his wife, he uses his big fat fake black dick.

[478] Yeah, that's still different to me. I don't know.

[479] There's a huge difference.

[480] Maybe they grew up together and they're totally like brothers and sisters, man. They don't even think about each other sexually.

[481] disgusting okay but you know they have mouths to feed okay why are you asking me this guy with the fake rubber dick has a family okay why don't you think about him brian the guy with the fake rubber dick needs to feed his children okay and why am i springing this up yeah i don't know man because i'm fascinated by fake tit porn that you know there's only you know there's a guy max hardcore do you know that guy max of course i do you know that guy's in jail right yes He's the only guy that I can think of in recent memory that has not just been arrested for pornography but tried for obscenity and convicted in 2009.

[482] And he's in jail.

[483] and um when i first heard about it it was really disturbing because i was like whoa okay this guy is just making pornography like what he's doing like extra dirty pornography what is he doing what the would he be doing i mean is anybody getting hurt no so what the are they doing they're locking this guy in jail that's this is crazy why isn't everybody up in arms until i saw one of his movies exactly i was gonna say don't you know dude i've actually talked to porn stars about him like many porn stars about him and they all say the exact same thing good i fucking hate that guy that guy needs to rot in hell every like i mean i've literally talked about it maybe to 10 porn stars dude i watched him what he was doing to this chick he was fucking this girl's mouth and pissing in her mouth and he kept doing it and it was really disturbing he would like shove his dick in her mouth and she would be like in pain and gagging and then he would start pissing in it And he would make her talk while he was pissing in her mouth.

[484] I mean, I don't know how he, he must've just drank water all day for this, this scene.

[485] And I don't know how he's pissing with a hard on either, but he's doing it.

[486] You know, I guess, I guess he just like drank so much that he has to piss and he took so much Viagra that his dick won't go down.

[487] And so he's fucking this girl's mouth.

[488] And it's like so sadistic.

[489] It was so disturbing to watch.

[490] It was like that someone would do this, you know, to some other human being.

[491] And like before that, he's like teasing her.

[492] and playing around with her and then it like, you know, it escalates as he's doing shit to her to this point where he's fucking her mouth and pissing it.

[493] I'm like, whoa.

[494] I was listening to the Howard Stern show and they said that, I don't know if this is, this is actually a scene, but that guy Sal was saying that there was one where this guy pried open this chick's butthole, Max Hardcourt did, and then he pissed in her butthole while he pried it open with like a, you know, a medical instrument.

[495] Then he attached a straw to her butthole and made her drink his piss out of her bottle Yeah, that fucking dude should probably be in jail Don't you think I mean that's that's not a healthy human being yeah, that's not good It's not good to have that guy around no That's scary, man. You know what else is scary?

[496] That somebody likes that shit.

[497] No doubt that there's actually a website.

[498] There's so many fucking weird porn websites.

[499] I forget the name of this one website I was showing the other day where it's just this big fat guy and he just pays these porn stars to come over to his house and just fucking hit them and shit on them and make them drink pee and then they give them blowjobs and fuck them though.

[500] But I think it's like the Gimp or something.

[501] I forget what the website.

[502] It's one of the most popular websites ever.

[503] It's just this ugly nasty fact.

[504] Really?

[505] It's one of the most popular ever?

[506] I mean.

[507] You know what I mean?

[508] It's pretty popular.

[509] Let's find it.

[510] Hit Google and find out what the fuck this is all about.

[511] If my baby's listening, please text me the name of that website.

[512] Why don't you just Google it?

[513] You literally don't know.

[514] It's some weird -ass name.

[515] Somebody in the chat will know the name of it.

[516] I don't know.

[517] It's like The Something.

[518] The Gimper.

[519] And he's a fat guy and it's a super popular website where girls shit all over him.

[520] Some dudes are into that.

[521] And for whatever reason, that does not disturb me. It doesn't bother me that a guy wants a girl to shit on him.

[522] It's like when Jimmy Norton talks about girls pissing.

[523] He talks about on Opie and Anthony how he'll tell a girl when she's going to the bathroom, don't clean yourself.

[524] Let me clean you.

[525] And after she pisses, she comes over and sits on his face and he licks her piss.

[526] Dominion.

[527] That's what it's called.

[528] Dominion.

[529] Dominion.

[530] Like MinOnion .com.

[531] Oh, that's it, huh?

[532] Yes, I am over 18.

[533] Oh, my God.

[534] What are we getting into?

[535] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[536] He's the man in charge.

[537] You're nobody until you've been fucked by him.

[538] Oh, my God.

[539] And he's fat and disgusting and covered in shit.

[540] He's got shit all over his face while he's banging this girl.

[541] Look at his ass.

[542] It's like Joey Diaz times 50 ass.

[543] Pure sexual evil.

[544] I guess his giant ass, he's mouthfucking this girl.

[545] And by the way, it's sponsored by Dog Fart.

[546] which I don't even want to click on dogfart.

[547] It's sponsored by dogfart .com.

[548] Oh my god.

[549] Open up a new tab, son.

[550] What are you doing, man?

[551] Dogfart .com.

[552] What?

[553] Enter here for interracial porn.

[554] Oh, it's not dogfarts.

[555] That's rude.

[556] It's just black guys, fucking sad girls.

[557] There are so – I wonder what the numbers are for porn stars now that there's all this internet porn and girls can like do shit out of their house.

[558] The numbers have to be much, much higher than they were like say in the heyday of the 80s.

[559] That's what it all is going towards.

[560] I heard from a big company that they were saying like how it's dead.

[561] DVDs are dead.

[562] Of course they are, man. The internet.

[563] The internet killed music, right?

[564] If the internet killed the music business, not killed it, but completely changed the whole dynamic of it.

[565] Artists make the most money now.

[566] Off of their live performances.

[567] That's where they make the majority of their money.

[568] Except for iTunes.

[569] They make money off of iTunes.

[570] But if it did that for the fucking music business, man, what is it going to do for the porn business?

[571] It's going to crush it.

[572] Because nobody wants to admit they're buying porn.

[573] And when you could just go to Ustream or go to YouPorn or any of those sites and instantly get something to jerk off to, why would you go to a store?

[574] I guess the only thing that's popular right now is things like the Cosby Show porn.

[575] Oh, like parodies?

[576] Parodies and stuff or comedy stuff.

[577] You know, one of the dudes that's in that and the dude that's also in the A -Team thing is this guy Tyler Knight.

[578] And I don't want to say his real name because I don't know if he likes being undercover, but he's a buddy of mine.

[579] He trains at Eddie's school.

[580] Really?

[581] Yeah, he does jujitsu at Legends.

[582] Really nice guy.

[583] Like, super friendly and a really good writer.

[584] He writes, like, nonfiction.

[585] He writes, like, some hilarious stories about the porn business.

[586] I forget what his...

[587] If you just find Tyler Knight blog, I bet you can find it online.

[588] But he's a really talented writer.

[589] And he's got a really funny story about doing an anal scene with a chick.

[590] And he's got shit on his dick.

[591] And he's trying to stay hard.

[592] And it's really funny.

[593] It's like really well written and intelligent and really funny.

[594] But he's in both those.

[595] He's in the A -Team one that comes out.

[596] He plays B .A. He plays the Mr. T character.

[597] But what is this?

[598] We're looking at the minion again.

[599] This guy's pretty smart, though, because, I mean, look, he's fucking pretty attractive girls here.

[600] Well, listen, dude, the bottom line is there's a lot of dumb whores out there, and all you have to do is give them money.

[601] There's a lot of sad women out there.

[602] There's a lot of people that suck, and people that suck raise kids that suck, or people that suck do a shitty job of raising kids, and they raise fucked up kids.

[603] And then these fucked up kids get into a situation where they need a lot of money, and they don't have it.

[604] And someone comes along and says, hey, you want to fuck this fat guy on the internet?

[605] No one's going to see it.

[606] And next thing you know, they're doing it.

[607] And they have that sad look on their face.

[608] I don't mind porn when a girl seems like she's into it, but there's nothing sadder than watching a porn where a girl's reluctantly sucking a dick, and you can tell she really doesn't want to be there, and she's giving off that energy.

[609] Well, most of them don't.

[610] Most of it, it's all fake.

[611] Most girls don't come in porn movies and stuff like that.

[612] It seems like that.

[613] Oh, yeah, of course, right?

[614] What do you think the odds are?

[615] Not many.

[616] There's a few girls where you can go, oh, that girl's legit, but for the most part, from what I understand, is a lot of them just do it, and it's almost fake.

[617] parts where they're getting sprayed to make it look more wetter.

[618] They're stopping the camera and changing the camera around.

[619] It's not what it...

[620] The thing about the Max Hardcore thing that bugs me, to get back to that, it is disturbing, all the shit this guy does.

[621] It's really disturbing because it's sadistic and evil.

[622] It's almost like a snuff porn, but you're killing her dignity for life instead of killing her life.

[623] When someone does a porn, say if you date a girl and she used to do porn, oh, I was young, I got hooked on coke, and the next thing I'm doing porn, who cares?

[624] What's the big deal?

[625] It's like, what, we fuck.

[626] If you fuck on camera, does it make you any different?

[627] It's really no big deal.

[628] But that's not porn.

[629] That's like humiliation, like sadistic type shit.

[630] Like somebody didn't just fuck your girl.

[631] He held her asshole open, pissed in it, and then made her drink out of her asshole.

[632] You know what I mean?

[633] You know what I'm saying?

[634] Like that guy, he took a piece of her humanity.

[635] She will always be humiliated by that experience.

[636] That's always going to fuck with her head.

[637] You know, it's like he killed a little bit of her.

[638] It's really like what he did was like, I mean, even if it's consensual, you know.

[639] Still, to put that shit on a video?

[640] If it's one thing, if a chick likes to get pissed in her ass and she's crazy, but really, how many girls want that on the internet?

[641] How many girls want that on a DVD?

[642] Is it possible?

[643] Is it even possible that that's what you're into?

[644] I mean, could you be...

[645] Have you ever heard that argument?

[646] I've always heard there's always one or two girls they'll bring up that comes from a healthy household and she does hardcore porn just because she's into it.

[647] That's what she likes and she doesn't have any problems at all.

[648] I've heard that.

[649] pitched before.

[650] And they always pretend the girl's really smart and she reads a lot of books.

[651] What happened?

[652] What happened?

[653] Why is that guy fucking your asshole and then shoving it in your mouth until you gag and then stuffing it back in your asshole and slapping you in the face and then slapping you in the face with his dick and then making you go while he's fucking your mouth?

[654] Is this all fun?

[655] Is this all what you really want to do in life?

[656] What is that?

[657] I guess what it also is is that we're born thinking that we have to wear clothes.

[658] We're born thinking that you're not supposed to look at my butthole.

[659] We're born thinking that sex is supposed to be a private thing.

[660] And I guess it's just like anything else.

[661] Like, you know, you're just born into growing up that way.

[662] But sometimes, you know, if you think about that.

[663] Do you think that's a side effect of moving to climates that aren't like the jungle?

[664] I have no idea what that is.

[665] Well, think about this.

[666] Human beings started out in Africa.

[667] Right.

[668] And even though Africa is dangerous as fuck and there's, you know, all sorts of shit that could bite you and kill you, there's ants that eat elephants, bro.

[669] There's these fucking ants.

[670] You know, the mass of ants, I found this on ohmygodfacts .com, I think it is, whatever it is, it's on Twitter, ohmygodfacts.

[671] The mass of ants in this world, like the weight of all the ants in the world, is roughly the same as the weight of all the people in the world.

[672] What the fuck?

[673] Yes.

[674] Yes.

[675] That's how many ants there are, dude.

[676] They're everywhere, these fucks.

[677] And they are the number one killers in the world.

[678] In Africa, they're the number one killers, ants.

[679] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[680] So you're saying if you took all the ants in the world and then weighed them against all the people in the world, the ants would weigh more.

[681] Yes.

[682] I read this on the internet.

[683] It must be true.

[684] You know what?

[685] That is the most untrue thing ever.

[686] Well, let's find out.

[687] It might be true.

[688] Let's Google.

[689] Dude, let's Google this.

[690] We're in 2010.

[691] We should not be having a conversation where we were like in 1993.

[692] Okay.

[693] You hit, you hit fucking tab T. Go ahead.

[694] Go in there.

[695] But the problem with this Google search is that is what?

[696] Insanely impossible.

[697] Well, how's it insanely impossible?

[698] Because you can take, well, come on, man. Come on, man. Type this shit in.

[699] You don't know that it's impossible.

[700] Way more people.

[701] Butthole.

[702] No, don't.

[703] No butthole.

[704] Why don't you just write?

[705] Do they answer the road way more than all the people in the road?

[706] Okay, here we go.

[707] Answer.

[708] No. Answers .com.

[709] Answers .com.

[710] They don't weigh more.

[711] Do all the ants weigh more than people in the world?

[712] That's the wrong question because I said roughly the same.

[713] Oh, roughly the same.

[714] What I said is that the weight of ants.

[715] And what is the exact number?

[716] All the ants in the world.

[717] They weigh an average of .01.

[718] Jesus, dude.

[719] That's the weight of an ant.

[720] That's so stupid.

[721] Do ants weigh more than people?

[722] You asked the wrong goddamn question.

[723] No, that's not what you want either.

[724] The number of – Jesus Christ.

[725] Ants weigh more than people.

[726] No. Put in the Google search.

[727] All right.

[728] Does the total mass of ants on earth weigh the same or roughly the same?

[729] Who taught you how to Google?

[730] This is how I do it.

[731] What the fuck, mom?

[732] Way the same as the total mass of humans.

[733] Same.

[734] That has an H in it, fella.

[735] Same.

[736] As the total mass of humans.

[737] Mass of humans.

[738] Holy shit.

[739] How much does the Earth weigh?

[740] You know what?

[741] Your Google skills.

[742] Okay.

[743] Weight of all the ants in the world versus weight of all the humans in the world.

[744] Ants in world versus humans.

[745] There you go.

[746] Try that one.

[747] Facts about ants.

[748] As compared to humans, no. Okay, listen.

[749] We're not going to find this out that quickly and still be entertaining on the radio.

[750] Weight of all the ants in the road combined is much lighter than the weight of all animals combined.

[751] The combined weight of all the ants in the road is approximately the same or greater than the combined weight of all human beings.

[752] There you go.

[753] Answers .com.

[754] So we got an affirmative.

[755] That is it.

[756] I do not believe it.

[757] You don't believe it?

[758] Well, I believe it because you think about how many more – ants are everywhere, dude.

[759] I mean they literally are everywhere.

[760] Everywhere there's dirt, there's ants.

[761] Yeah, but would you – if you had a truck, like a bulldozer, I mean huge bulldozer filled to the top with ants, just – I mean packed of ants and all those ants fell on you, do you think you'd just be like, ew, gross?

[762] Or do you think like I'm dead?

[763] You'd be dead.

[764] What kind of questions are you asking?

[765] Really?

[766] Yeah.

[767] Dude, they would eat you first of all.

[768] No, I mean just from the impact of them all falling out.

[769] Yeah, they would crush you.

[770] They would kill you.

[771] Really?

[772] Yeah.

[773] I think there's way more ants than you're thinking.

[774] I think you're wrong.

[775] I think they're everywhere, dude.

[776] Look, we just found that on Answers .com.

[777] It must be true.

[778] You're right.

[779] We don't know if it's true or not.

[780] That's the problem with the internet.

[781] Look, but the point is, in Africa, ants are a huge, huge fucking problem.

[782] This is getting back to the original thought.

[783] The point is, in Africa, ants kill everything, dude.

[784] They kill elephants.

[785] They crawl up elephants' legs, they get in their ear, and they start eating them alive from the fucking ear.

[786] And they have swarms of them that do it.

[787] And the elephants can't stop them.

[788] There's nothing they can do.

[789] You can't shake them off, and they get eaten alive.

[790] Like, the ants kill more things in Africa than any other animal.

[791] They kill everything.

[792] They're fucking scary as shit.

[793] And these people that live in Africa are running around naked.

[794] They're running around naked.

[795] We would have hazard suits on.

[796] We would have armor.

[797] In 2010, if we lived in Africa, if you had to live in a part of the world where one ant bites you and he sends a signal to all his buddies, I found something we can eat, and they all fucking swarm on you, and there's no way you can stop them because there's trillions of them, and they're climbing up your legs and eating your asshole alive.

[798] How would you live in a place like that?

[799] You would have some sort of a mesh suit that was impenetrable.

[800] It would be sprayed with toxins on the outside.

[801] You have a fucking helmet on like you're on Mars.

[802] That's how you'd walk around.

[803] You know what's crazy about insects and stuff like that is that the other day I was just laying in bed and this huge fucking spider just was crawling on my bed.

[804] And it had like a red stripe on it and it just looked like death spider.

[805] And I'm just like, you know, if I was not awake or if I was sleeping and I happened to roll over and this guy bit me, would I die?

[806] There are spiders that can't do that to you, right?

[807] You know that brown recluse is a scary motherfucker.

[808] Have you ever seen pictures of people that got bitten by a brown recluse?

[809] And it burns holes through you?

[810] Especially if you don't get it taken care of right away.

[811] It eats a hole through your fucking body.

[812] It's terrifying shit, man. So my point is, these people live in Africa.

[813] This is where humanity supposedly was created or evolved.

[814] I mean, all our roots of all human beings go back to Africa.

[815] And in Africa, it's hot as fuck and they're all naked.

[816] So do you think that like when...

[817] these people branched out to climates that they couldn't control and they had to change their environment or rather they couldn't live in, um, uh, without doing something, without trying to control their, their temperature, without covering themselves and building houses that are sheltered and insulated and starting fires and stuff, all the stuff they didn't have to do in Africa.

[818] Then they started having to wear clothes.

[819] And when they started wearing clothes, then it wasn't like a common thing to see someone's genitals.

[820] It was like very rare.

[821] Like you gotta get this bitch out of these fucking furs.

[822] How do I get this bitch out of these furs?

[823] zero degrees out okay you don't even have a fucking house to live in you're living in a hole in the snow and you're trying to get laid and you got to try to get this chick out of her fur you know what the fuck you gonna do man it's a grind you know so that's when people became fucked up sexually because like you know back then they still probably didn't even have a fucking language so they you know they couldn't say listen how about i eat your pussy you suck my dick let's have a party you know they couldn't even like talk their way into it because they probably when they first started doing that and moving to other climates they probably didn't even have a language yet they were just grunting at certain shit you know so they they just they just got all fucked up about sex because they couldn't fuck anymore like they used to in the jungle in the jungle they were naked they would get horny and they just fuck but now it's like it becomes this huge hassle and everyone could watch you didn't used to hide when you lived in a jungle people watch you have sex yeah nobody cares that's how monkeys are Monkeys fuck right in front of everybody.

[824] They don't worry about shit.

[825] I saw some good monkey sex last week when I was at the zoo.

[826] Yeah, monkeys are fucked right in front of whole crowds of people.

[827] They like it.

[828] Well, you know, why not?

[829] Why wouldn't they?

[830] What do you give a shit?

[831] You do other things that are pleasurable in front of people.

[832] Right.

[833] You know?

[834] You get a massage in front of people, it doesn't bother you that much.

[835] Right.

[836] You know?

[837] You know thinking about if you're lying on your back, you know You could be in a park and someone's got awesome massages.

[838] They give out the park like oh we do deep tissue It's only ten bucks like damn ten bucks.

[839] I'm gonna get a massage and you'll lie face down this massage table and let people rub you in front of people But if you know she was given head You know or hand jobs just hand jobs, you know, you don't want anybody to see your your come come out You could just hit there with all those people in the park and just let someone jerk you off You know, you wouldn't enjoy it.

[840] Do you think we're going to go back to that?

[841] Like, it seems like, you know, you know.

[842] the more that we're getting used to sex and the more we're getting used to seeing girls' buttholes and stuff like that because of the Internet and stuff, do you think we're going to get back to the state where soon we're all just going to be having orgies all over the place and kids are going to be smoking cigarettes?

[843] No, the cigarette part, definitely no. I don't know.

[844] It's possible.

[845] We'd have to get past a lot of hurdles.

[846] I think it's pretty obvious that if you look at human sexuality, especially the way we treat sex in America, we're very, very uptight about it.

[847] And I think that one of the reasons why we're very, very uptight about it is because...

[848] Because we're imbalanced.

[849] We're imbalanced by the fact that we grew up.

[850] And moved to new environments.

[851] And invented clothes.

[852] Inventing clothes allowed us to live in a bunch of different places.

[853] But it also allowed us to.

[854] It fucked up the natural sexual cycle.

[855] The natural way of looking at each other.

[856] And behaving.

[857] When you add suppression to anything.

[858] The reason why priests are fucked up.

[859] Is not just because religion is ridiculous.

[860] And to live your whole life by some shit.

[861] That was written thousands of years ago.

[862] no sense that's ridiculous and abstaining from sex is ridiculous all that stuff is completely ridiculous but the real real problem with being a priest one of the reasons why they're so fucked up is because there's a massive amount of suppression about your own natural drives your own natural things there's a natural cycle living inside of your body you know or operating your body rather and it's existed for millions of years and it's the reason why human beings procreate and it's the reason why animals procreate and when you put a stopper to that and you label all that shit as evil and bad, you're going to create issues.

[863] Just interrupting the natural cycle of things.

[864] It's like you're putting on the brakes of something that you can't control.

[865] You're putting on the brakes for something that you're not supposed to control.

[866] It's supposed to be a natural part of your life.

[867] It's one of the things that makes us, and this is what I found from having kids, one of the things that makes you a different person, one of the things that takes you to another place is the development of other new human beings.

[868] It's like you lose a lot of your selfishness, and I think that that's a natural part of progress.

[869] as a human being.

[870] That shit doesn't exist for priests, and it doesn't really exist for us if we wear clothes.

[871] If we wear clothes and cover each other up and are all suppressed about sex and worried about it, eventually you're going to realize at a certain point in your life you're going to be like, fuck, what did I waste all this time tweaking about sex for?

[872] What is it?

[873] It's just two people touching their bodies together and enjoying it.

[874] Why is it such a fucking big goddamn deal to people?

[875] What is it?

[876] Well, it's because we suppress it, because we cover it up.

[877] That's why magazine ads that show girls and...

[878] bikinis just like the pussy is almost there it's like you can almost see it it's so attractive to sell cars or sell fucking water you could sell anything with pussy you know just a girl in a little wet bikini coming out of the water bending over to pick up her sunglasses she's on her knees and she's turning around looking towards the camera oh you might just start jacking off right now and whatever fuck she's selling gum what is she selling breath wash what is she selling you know sunscreen i'll buy it I'll think of that hot bitch and I'll buy their product.

[879] I just saw Sex and the City too.

[880] I was forced to go see that.

[881] I got rewarded nicely.

[882] Backwards cowgirl, a couple other things.

[883] It was awesome.

[884] It was funny how it took place in Abu Dhabi and you had been there before.

[885] Dubai, right?

[886] Dubai.

[887] I think it's Dubai.

[888] Oh, Dubai?

[889] Yeah.

[890] I thought it was Abu Dhabi.

[891] I think it's Dubai.

[892] Dubai is supposedly the big attraction over in the Middle East.

[893] That's where everybody goes to.

[894] Abu Dhabi is a lot like it, but Dubai is the more popular one.

[895] No, no, no. I think that's what the whole point of the movie was because they talk about how Dubai is popular and trying to build up Abu Dhabi.

[896] Oh, okay.

[897] Oh, okay.

[898] Am I arguing about the plot and premise of a fucking Sex and the City movie?

[899] Of course you are.

[900] You're acting like you don't know.

[901] And so one thing off the bat, it's amazing how much that plays Smove -like periods in there.

[902] Oh, no!

[903] Seriously.

[904] You know that smell, that tampon smell like that?

[905] It's kind of like a flower perfume smell.

[906] That whiffed everywhere.

[907] Combined with popcorn, it was the most disgusting smell ever.

[908] It was pretty bad.

[909] Well, you've got to think.

[910] How many chicks go to see Sex and the City?

[911] Oh, it's crazy.

[912] But how many of them are like those girls?

[913] Oh, dude, they were all taking – the girls next to us were taking pictures of their shoes together while we were waiting for the previews.

[914] They were like, putting your shoes together.

[915] Let's take a picture.

[916] I'm going to Twitter our shoes.

[917] Oh, my God.

[918] But you know what the thing, though, is the chicks are so happy about that shit.

[919] Oh, you got it.

[920] They love that shit.

[921] Yeah.

[922] What is it?

[923] It's so funny because, like, in it, every time, like, Carrie, I mean, the main character, yeah.

[924] Yeah.

[925] She would, yeah.

[926] What?

[927] That was a test.

[928] You knew who it was.

[929] Well, I've seen the show.

[930] Yeah, Carrie, yeah.

[931] Brian Cowan was on it once.

[932] I watched it.

[933] Oh, yeah, that was great.

[934] I think I've watched it a couple times.

[935] But every time, like, she would, like, wear a new outfit or, like, she would show her closet.

[936] That was a big thing.

[937] When they showed her closet again, they were like, oh.

[938] The whole crowd.

[939] Together.

[940] Oh, my God.

[941] It was awesome.

[942] Isn't it like being with a bunch of aliens when you're around a bunch of chicks?

[943] A bunch of hot aliens.

[944] A bunch of aliens.

[945] Fuck yeah, it was great.

[946] And the more you get to know them, the more you realize how many of them are like that.

[947] And the ones that aren't like that are really just pretending for us.

[948] Mm -hmm.

[949] But by the way, that movie, though, it was kind of, I don't know, I wouldn't say racist, but it was kind of weird how they were talking about the Abu Dhabi thing where they're not even allowed to hold hands in public or not allowed to kiss in public and stuff.

[950] And there was this tension throughout the movie about that.

[951] Then I don't want to give it away to all the ladies.

[952] Yo, fuck a spoiler.

[953] So, spoiler alert.

[954] Near the end of the movie, one of the characters just went off like, I like to fuck.

[955] I like throwing condoms everywhere.

[956] I like to suck dick.

[957] The older chick?

[958] Yeah, the older chick.

[959] That crazy one?

[960] Yeah, in front of everyone at Abu Dhabi.

[961] Dude, they would lock her in a hole in the dirt so fast.

[962] Oh, I know.

[963] I know.

[964] They would put her in jail.

[965] They put a couple in jail for kissing on the beach there.

[966] Yeah.

[967] That was a part of the movie too.

[968] They were kissing on the beach and she got locked up and was thrown out of the – Oh, really?

[969] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[970] That's based on real life.

[971] They actually did that to a woman or a woman and a man in Dubai for making out.

[972] They were a couple and they were making – I mean I don't know what they were doing.

[973] They might have been like fingering each other or something.

[974] They might have been calling it and making out but it got a little crazy.

[975] But apparently it's super, super illegal over there.

[976] Yeah.

[977] It's crazy.

[978] It is crazy.

[979] It's not a bad movie, Joe.

[980] It's not a bad movie.

[981] You loved it, huh?

[982] It's better than the first one.

[983] I haven't seen either one of them, and I don't intend to.

[984] How dare you?

[985] I'm keeping my balls intact, son.

[986] Hey, you got to do things like that.

[987] No, I would do it.

[988] I would do it if it was like a date night or something stupid like that.

[989] I would do it just because I would think it was ridiculous, and I'd probably get some material out of it.

[990] All the great sex I got in response for doing that was worth every penny.

[991] You shouldn't have to barter for sex, son.

[992] No, no, no. Just take that pussy.

[993] It's yours.

[994] Yeah, but imagine being able to take it wherever you want to.

[995] We're at Toys R Us.

[996] You should be able to.

[997] I want it right here.

[998] You should be able to anyway.

[999] You think?

[1000] Fuck yeah.

[1001] I think you could.

[1002] You just got to force it on her.

[1003] Not force it on her physically.

[1004] Just bring up the idea with urgency.

[1005] Like with a real sense of focus and urgency.

[1006] We're not talking rape here.

[1007] We're just talking like a lot of energy.

[1008] You know?

[1009] Just get excited about it.

[1010] I want to fuck you right now.

[1011] Right here.

[1012] Shut up.

[1013] Shut up.

[1014] Put your pants down.

[1015] What?

[1016] No, you can't.

[1017] Shut up.

[1018] I'm just going to stick it in.

[1019] I'm just going to stick it in.

[1020] You're not even hard.

[1021] Feel it.

[1022] I'm hard.

[1023] Oh my God.

[1024] You are hard.

[1025] Yeah, I am.

[1026] Shut up.

[1027] Shut up.

[1028] Put your pants down.

[1029] There's cameras.

[1030] Who cares?

[1031] They got a video of me fucking you real quick.

[1032] All right.

[1033] I'm going to stop right now.

[1034] You can do that, dude.

[1035] Don't look at me when you do that shit.

[1036] I'm just trying to make Brian uncomfortable.

[1037] It's so creepy, dude.

[1038] There's nothing more fun, though, than the beginning of a relationship when you just get comfortable with each other.

[1039] You haven't gotten sick of fucking each other yet, and you're just getting comfortable with each other, and you're starting to have fun.

[1040] You're starting to talk dirty to each other.

[1041] You're starting to get excited.

[1042] You send each other some nasty texts and shit like that.

[1043] Those are the good days.

[1044] There's a different level of excitement.

[1045] And really, it's just your body trying to ensure that you breed with this person.

[1046] Really, it's just a bunch of chemicals flowing through your brain that your body is trying to give you to ensure that you breed.

[1047] It's incredible, man. It's incredible that they haven't figured out how to pocket that too, how to pill it, package it.

[1048] Put that shit in a pill for them.

[1049] You take something that makes you feel like when you're horny and in love.

[1050] You know that feeling when you want to fuck her and she wants to fuck you and you can't wait to see her.

[1051] And as soon as you see her, you get excited and you smile and you feel good.

[1052] You get all this big charge of energy.

[1053] We don't even realize what we're doing.

[1054] You know, we think, well, I'll just submit a new relationship.

[1055] Things are fun when it's new.

[1056] That's not what it is.

[1057] You're getting all these extra chemicals because your brain's trying to ensure that you mate with this freak.

[1058] That's what it is.

[1059] Your brain is getting all this extra juice.

[1060] Why haven't they figured out how to package that?

[1061] I don't know, but they need to.

[1062] Dude, how good would the world be?

[1063] There's your antidepressants.

[1064] How come dudes that are depressed are always in sucky relationships or sucky situations?

[1065] No one is depressed in an awesome relationship when everything's going great.

[1066] True.

[1067] Because that's your little juice.

[1068] That's where your antidepressants are coming from.

[1069] We're all junkies for brain chemicals.

[1070] You know what I'm saying, son?

[1071] I do know what you're saying.

[1072] Did you see that fucking hole in the ground in Guatemala, boy?

[1073] Hmm?

[1074] What?

[1075] Hmm?

[1076] Dude.

[1077] My friend, listen, you've got to look at the hole in the ground in Guatemala.

[1078] What is it?

[1079] The sinkhole.

[1080] Oh, Jesus.

[1081] Google right now Guatemala sinkhole and be prepared to freak out and call fake.

[1082] You're going to freak out and call fake.

[1083] I'm going to type in guacamole sinkhole and see if it goes up.

[1084] That's it.

[1085] See?

[1086] See?

[1087] It's the fucking second one.

[1088] Look.

[1089] No. Go Guatemala.

[1090] Guatemala, dummy.

[1091] Gua...

[1092] Look at that.

[1093] Look.

[1094] When you...

[1095] Gua...

[1096] Ju -u -a.

[1097] Ju -u -a.

[1098] Ju -u -a.

[1099] See?

[1100] Look at that.

[1101] See?

[1102] Sinkhole.

[1103] Right away.

[1104] It's the first search.

[1105] Look at that.

[1106] Dude, look how deep that fucking thing is.

[1107] It's crazy.

[1108] It's like the world to hell.

[1109] It opened up out of nowhere and swallowed a building.

[1110] Swallowed a whole building.

[1111] Dude, there's so many pictures of it online.

[1112] If you haven't seen it, ladies and gentlemen, Google Guatemala.

[1113] You don't even just...

[1114] Type in Google GUA, and Guatemala sinkhole will be the first search or the second search option.

[1115] It's incredible.

[1116] It is literally a perfect circle, and it's huge.

[1117] It's gigantic, and it's in the middle of this intersection, and it ate a whole house.

[1118] The house just fell down and disappeared, and it's super, super deep.

[1119] The image that we're looking at, there's a helicopter shadow on the wall of the circle, but it's giant.

[1120] It's like a half a block wide.

[1121] You know what it reminds me of immediately is something from District 9.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] It doesn't even look real.

[1124] It's like, how is that happening?

[1125] How have we never seen anything even remotely that crazy before?

[1126] And how often could that happen?

[1127] Is it possible that that can happen in Los Angeles?

[1128] I guess it has to be running water.

[1129] We don't really have running water here.

[1130] But how many cities do?

[1131] It says after a devastating tropical storm.

[1132] So was it just water?

[1133] Dude, the water ran through and somehow or another created a giant spherical hole.

[1134] It's like a tube.

[1135] It looks like somebody took an apple core to the world.

[1136] Wow.

[1137] I mean, it doesn't look natural, right?

[1138] It looks like something somebody created.

[1139] Guatemala stinkhole asshole.

[1140] I just want to see if it brings up a...

[1141] It brought porn.

[1142] Cool.

[1143] Look, somebody tagged their photo, Guatemala sinkhole.

[1144] And if you just type in asshole, it comes up.

[1145] Yeah, and it says when you click on it, it gives you some sort of a warning.

[1146] Yeah, visiting the site may harm your computer.

[1147] Hilarious.

[1148] These guys that are doing these hacks and shit like that kind of stuff, who is that?

[1149] Is it Chinese or Russian?

[1150] It's just hackers all over the world.

[1151] Yeah, it's Nigeria.

[1152] Because they always name it to a country.

[1153] Like Google switched from Microsoft operating systems.

[1154] They made an announcement that they're going to merge to using Linux and using Mac because the Chinese fellows hacked them and fucked with their whole website.

[1155] And they say there's too many security issues in Windows.

[1156] Well, did you happen to hear any of that Steve Jobs talk the other day?

[1157] He did this long talk at All Things Digital 2010.

[1158] No. He was talking about through everything.

[1159] If you go to Gizmodo, G -I -Z.

[1160] That's where I saw this hole.

[1161] The sinkhole from Gizmodo, too.

[1162] All his videos are up there, and it's kind of interesting hearing a really intelligent person talk about the future of the internet.

[1163] It's really interesting.

[1164] I agree with him on a lot of things, but on a lot of things, I agree with his detractors when it comes to open source things and when it comes to allowing people to create more applications and have things more open for the Mac and clones and things of that nature, the ability to just buy the operating system.

[1165] Why do you have to buy the hardware and the operating system?

[1166] I agree with that to a certain extent, but I also agree with when he controls everything, look how great everything works.

[1167] That's why he does it.

[1168] Yeah, exactly.

[1169] It's definitely cheaper to go to a store and buy...

[1170] A hard drive and buy a motherboard and all that shit and put together your own box.

[1171] It's way cheaper.

[1172] I've done it a couple of times.

[1173] It's fun, too.

[1174] But you're going to have all sorts of issues.

[1175] The sound card's not going to want to work with a certain motherboard that you have.

[1176] It's going to fuck up.

[1177] The video card fucks up.

[1178] You've got to replace things.

[1179] You can't get the right drivers.

[1180] You've got to do a lot of tweaking and a lot of shit.

[1181] With a Mac, all you have to do is turn it on.

[1182] That's why people don't like it.

[1183] People are like, fucking fag with your fucking faggy Mac.

[1184] You know, idiots.

[1185] Fucking Mac losers.

[1186] Just because you don't know how to work your PC.

[1187] I've never got a virus, okay?

[1188] I've been using a PC for 10 years.

[1189] I've never got a virus.

[1190] Yeah, I started with Windows 98, okay?

[1191] And then they'll go off on you.

[1192] And they'll let you know they've never got a virus.

[1193] You know why?

[1194] Well, I scan.

[1195] I'm not stupid.

[1196] I don't click random links.

[1197] You know, all these people, if they had a Mac laptop, I think, and a Windows laptop, I think if they had both of them, they would end up using the Mac laptop after a while.

[1198] Well, it becomes a team thing.

[1199] We've discussed this before.

[1200] It becomes, you know, a fucking Raiders versus the Dolphins.

[1201] You know, just people get crazy about teams, and they get on team Windows.

[1202] They never want to admit that they made horrible mistakes.

[1203] You know, I was watching this documentary speaking of that.

[1204] There's a Graham Hancock interview and I put it on my message board.

[1205] You know, Graham Hancock is.

[1206] Graham Hancock is the guy that, he's this dude who wrote Fingerprints of the Gods, and he's done a bunch of underwater dives where he's found all this evidence of previous civilizations.

[1207] Pretty interesting shit, man. But one of the things in the video is they talk about the Sphinx.

[1208] You know, there's a whole bunch of geologists led by this guy, Ron Schock, out of Boston University, that believe that the Sphinx is way, way older than conventional Egyptologists have dated it.

[1209] And they've dated it to 2500 BC.

[1210] And he says it's way older than that because he shows, the geologist shows all this water erosion all over the Sphinx.

[1211] And he said, see this?

[1212] What you're looking at is clearly water erosion from thousands of years of rainfall.

[1213] Well, the last time there was rainfall in that area of the world was 7 ,000 B .C. So you're looking at something that, like, it's got to be a couple thousand years older than that because of a couple thousand years of rainfall.

[1214] So you're talking about, like, at least 9 ,000 B .C., which is, you know, that's like, you're talking about, like, 7 ,000 years.

[1215] older than they think it is.

[1216] That's longer between them and the true age of the construction of Sphinx than it is between them and us.

[1217] I mean, when you really put it into perspective, it's 2 ,000 years longer than the distance between the pharaohs of like Tutankhamen and us.

[1218] I mean, that's...

[1219] Pretty nutty shit when you think about it.

[1220] Well, he brought all this geological evidence to these conventional Egyptologists and archaeologists, and they wanted to dismiss it right away.

[1221] They wanted to say, well, you have no evidence of a culture that could build this.

[1222] So where's your evidence?

[1223] Show me some pottery.

[1224] Show me something that comes from this area.

[1225] And so they say, well, we're showing you all that would be left.

[1226] We're showing you some construction.

[1227] 10 ,000 years from now, there's not going to be anything of us.

[1228] You ever seen the pictures of Detroit where you see Detroit getting swallowed up by the...

[1229] city like there's abandoned houses in Detroit where trees are growing out of the middle of the house it's crazy the earth is slowly starting to eat up all these abandoned buildings that's awesome there's a site that's dedicated to that in the Soviet Union too where like total towns have been like evacuated and left where trees are just like growing through houses now they just nature starts to retake things well he he brought all this stuff to these Egyptologists and they just dug their head in the sand.

[1230] They didn't want to see the truth.

[1231] They didn't want to.

[1232] They didn't want to admit that they have been, you know, doing things or teaching things that were not totally correct or wasn't the full picture of the earth.

[1233] And it's really crazy shit because this guy proposes that things like this Guatemala sinkhole, like that's a little tiny one.

[1234] That's a little nothing happened.

[1235] You know, a little thing opened up and a house fell through.

[1236] But there's a bunch of different things that the earth can do like that.

[1237] There's a bunch of different really insane things, like super volcanoes or tsunamis.

[1238] In the Canary Islands, there's a volcanic rock.

[1239] There's a volcanic mountainside that they know eventually is going to break off.

[1240] They know it's going to break off and slide into the ocean.

[1241] And when it does, they think that it's going to create a tsunami that will cover the entire eastern seaboard of the United States of America, like miles in.

[1242] Kills everyone.

[1243] Everyone's fucked.

[1244] I mean, there's so much rock there, and there's a bunch of...

[1245] of evidence that this kind of shit has happened in the past there's going to be some other underwater earthquake it's going to break off and it's going to head towards the united states at 500 feet high and a fucking 150 miles an hour and just smush everything whoa doom probably more than 150 miles an hour i just pulled that number out of my ass how do you like that It is doomed.

[1246] Have you been following that Foxconn shit?

[1247] Dude, you turned me on to that.

[1248] And for the folks out there listening that don't know about this, Foxconn is a company.

[1249] Well, why don't you describe it?

[1250] Foxconn is a huge company in China that makes most of the technology.

[1251] They build Nintendos.

[1252] They build PSPs.

[1253] They build Apple computers.

[1254] They build iPods and stuff.

[1255] They're just really cheap, almost like slave labor, but they're not.

[1256] And I think they get paid, what was it, $130 a month or something like that.

[1257] And there's tons and tons of workers.

[1258] But lately, there's been all these suicides.

[1259] And it's almost daily, if you follow gizmodo .com, it's almost daily you'll see another suicide, another person jumps off a building.

[1260] And I forget, there's been like 13 or something like that in the last, this year or something.

[1261] Lately, it's almost every day they've been freaking out.

[1262] Nintendo's getting pissed, and Steve Jobs has said he's going to get to the bottom of it and figure out why all these people are committing suicide.

[1263] They had to sign contracts saying that you will not commit suicide, and if you do, they're not held responsible in any way.

[1264] So their families and stuff can't sue and stuff like that.

[1265] Then about four days ago or a week ago, they raised their pay 20%.

[1266] They raised their whole entire pay 20 % because they're trying to make everyone happy and stuff.

[1267] Three days later, they raised it to 30%.

[1268] That's how fucking crazy it's getting.

[1269] And then today, there's scattered reports of a fire.

[1270] And they're like trying – Foxconn is trying to keep this all hush -hush.

[1271] But I guess there might be a dozen workers that are either injured or dead.

[1272] And it's getting out of control.

[1273] I'm not really sure.

[1274] what the fuck's going on here, but it's starting to get like, alright, there's something...

[1275] crazy going on in this factory that all these people are killing themselves and that there's, you know, I mean, hasn't there been video released of workers getting beaten?

[1276] Yeah, that security guards are security guards from the plant.

[1277] There's a video of him, them like beating up the workers.

[1278] And, you know, and it's crazy when you think about it, because you were saying something about this earlier, like how we expect like, you know, iPhones to be a certain price and iPods to be a certain price.

[1279] And the only way that they're that certain price is because of these workers, this slave labor.

[1280] Yeah.

[1281] So they make about, you said about $100 a month?

[1282] $130 a month is what I heard that they start at pay -wise.

[1283] And they live there?

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] What I get, it's kind of like a community.

[1286] Like you live there like a dorm room almost or something like that.

[1287] I don't quite get it.

[1288] So they sleep in like these dorms.

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] They live on the factory.

[1291] Right.

[1292] And they make shit money.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] And they probably never get to leave.

[1295] Do they even get days off?

[1296] I don't know.

[1297] I heard that they pretty much work them nonstop, day and night.

[1298] Holy shit.

[1299] And they signed something in their contract saying that they're going to be working overtime and stuff like that.

[1300] I don't know.

[1301] That's the only way.

[1302] It's the only way you're going to get all these goddamn iPhones for $500.

[1303] I mean, that thing should be probably like $2 ,000.

[1304] workers that were paid correctly.

[1305] I mean, how much more money would it cost?

[1306] Labor is a big part of the operations for any big business like that, right?

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] It's funny because Steve Jobs was saying, well, look how many Walmart workers there are in the United States, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people and stuff like that.

[1309] And there's people...

[1310] dying, suiciding all the time that worked for Walmart.

[1311] Yeah, but that's a poor analogy.

[1312] It's a poor analogy because you don't see people jumping off the top of Walmart's buildings.

[1313] You don't see that in the news.

[1314] Another Walmart.

[1315] Worker dead.

[1316] Well, not only that, it's voluntary.

[1317] You could call Walmart tomorrow and go, suck my dick or quit.

[1318] And they'll go, who cares?

[1319] They're not going to come to your house and beat you up.

[1320] They're not going to wake you out of bed and stun you or something.

[1321] I don't know what they're doing to people.

[1322] I'm just making shit up now.

[1323] It's crazy because all the photos.

[1324] Again, the website is GIZ, G -I -Z -M -O -D -O, Gizmodo.

[1325] And just type in Foxconn or just look through it.

[1326] You'll see it.

[1327] It's like on the first couple pages.

[1328] But if you look at all the employees, you just feel so – it's so depressing.

[1329] Yeah, it looks very depressing.

[1330] It looks almost like a jail.

[1331] Yeah, it does.

[1332] Another Foxcom employee dies after working 34 hours straight.

[1333] This just happened today, I guess.

[1334] Oh, my God.

[1335] Yep, June 2nd.

[1336] This just happened.

[1337] 28 -year -old man. 20 -year -old man married his wife for only three months ago, died from exhaustion.

[1338] Oh, my God.

[1339] 34 hours.

[1340] Okay, it says that's what his family is claiming anyway.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] No official statement has been issued.

[1343] Well, you know what?

[1344] I believe it.

[1345] Yeah, well, you know, look, it's possible.

[1346] I wouldn't be surprised, you know.

[1347] I mean, it saddens you, but it doesn't surprise you.

[1348] You know, it's really a sick thing, you know, that we have this desire.

[1349] in this country to have new things.

[1350] I mean, that's not the sick part of it.

[1351] But the sick part of it is the only way to get these iPhones for $500 is someone has to suffer.

[1352] Someone has to do something that they don't want to do.

[1353] There's only one reason why companies move their factories to Guatemala or all these impoverished places, and they say, look, we're helping these people.

[1354] It's because they're taking advantage of a different situation.

[1355] They're taking advantage of a different economic situation, a different situation as far as resources.

[1356] If you go to China and there's a fucking billion people, they've got to do something.

[1357] You know, when there's a billion fucking people, you're going to have a lot of people that are just laying around that need something to do.

[1358] You know, they have to figure out a way to survive.

[1359] They have to figure out a way to feed themselves.

[1360] You know, what's weird is that when I talked about this last week, it was 12 people.

[1361] And I just read here that since last podcast a week ago, that number is now 16.

[1362] Whoa.

[1363] And so suicides have reached 15, potential 16 spotted on the roof right now.

[1364] So they're actually writing this article and go, wait, wait, here's the 16th one on the roof right now.

[1365] So they're just jumping every day.

[1366] Every couple of days someone's dying.

[1367] Four in a week.

[1368] Two salary increases in a week.

[1369] Two salary increases, there's a fire, and another person died today.

[1370] Well, what good is having any money if you can't use it?

[1371] You can't even spend it.

[1372] Pumping their salary up 30 % is not going to happen.

[1373] It doesn't mean shit.

[1374] Yeah, it doesn't mean anything.

[1375] People need back rubs and fleshlights.

[1376] Yeah, what does that mean?

[1377] They get $150 a month?

[1378] I mean, that's crazy.

[1379] That's a sick, sick thing.

[1380] It's fucking sad.

[1381] It's sad that this is the only way to do it.

[1382] And it's also sad that...

[1383] If these people weren't doing this, if you talk about like third world countries or countries that are all fucked up that, you know, the United States exploits or United States corporations rather exploit and go over there and start businesses.

[1384] And what would these people be doing if the United States wasn't there?

[1385] That's the thing.

[1386] It's like, why are they living so badly?

[1387] Why are they so impoverished?

[1388] Would it benefit us to have them rise up to our level?

[1389] Would it benefit us, you know, to instead of exploiting them to go over there and educate these people and try to get them to start producing their own, you know, democratic.

[1390] society with good businesses and trade goods and services and get everything pumping and introduce them to new technology and shit, would it benefit us to have them or would they just become competition?

[1391] Why is it that the United States corporations, these big corporations, just do that?

[1392] They go over there and help these people a little bit.

[1393] They give them money and shit and they give people jobs and some of them might be happy with that.

[1394] But for the most part, they're taking advantage of people that are willing to work for pennies on the dollar compared to Americans.

[1395] Would it benefit them?

[1396] to really build up a country?

[1397] Would it benefit the United States if there was no third world?

[1398] Is that possible?

[1399] Is it possible that we're ever going to come to a time where there is no worry about...

[1400] There's no Mexico.

[1401] There's no place where you go where it sucks.

[1402] There's no place where you go where everything's...

[1403] Oh, you're fucked now.

[1404] No, it's just getting worse, I think.

[1405] There's more places that you don't want to go to.

[1406] You know what I mean?

[1407] It's getting worse and worse.

[1408] Right.

[1409] Is that possible to recover from, though?

[1410] I don't...

[1411] But what would it be like if instead of – I mean this is all totally hypothetical, but do you think it's possible as a human being to instead of doing what we're doing, certain corporations will go to different countries and exploit the people.

[1412] Instead of doing that, what if they decided to – try to as much as possible like on a whole instead of controlling the resources of the world we try to make everything level we try to bring everybody up as far as like the you know the the quality of their society the quality of their culture you know the quality of their their information and you know the internet and all that shit and give it to everybody and try to pump them up would that benefit us would that benefit human beings as a whole i mean wouldn't it yeah But no, because then how the fuck are you going to get an iPhone for $500?

[1413] Unless you've got a robot that knows how to make an iPhone better and cheaper than a person.

[1414] I think these slave lavers are just going to die off because of robots, and factory lines are going to be more complex.

[1415] How's it going to die off because of robots, dude?

[1416] Well, I mean, there are going to be factories to build robots, I guess.

[1417] When you look at cars, how cars are manufactured, you know, half of it's done by robots.

[1418] Right.

[1419] But if a person is willing to work for $100 a week, it's probably way cheaper than a robot that's going to do his job.

[1420] So I think they're always going to have robots for certain things just because you can get a lot of people to work fucking cheap as shit.

[1421] Robots are expensive, dude.

[1422] Unless robot technology gets super mainstream.

[1423] Of course it's going to get mainstream.

[1424] Robots are going to be mainstream.

[1425] They already have an alarm clock that I can watch movies on now.

[1426] The more computers grow, the technology grows, there's going to be more robots.

[1427] Robots are definitely coming.

[1428] But the world is going to be like your own house then, where one thing fucks up and the whole thing just goes goddamn haywire.

[1429] It's totally going to be like that.

[1430] That is going to be like that, right?

[1431] Absolutely.

[1432] That's the big fear, right?

[1433] There was – yeah, well, there's – shit, I don't know if we – we did not talk about this.

[1434] I talked about a couple – a long time ago on these podcasts, I talked about how people were hacking, how the idea that you could hack into somebody's car and, like, slam on the brakes and stuff.

[1435] Actually, there was a report a couple weeks ago where people actually started doing that to OnStar, where they could hack into people's OnStars and, like, stop their cars.

[1436] And there was hackers, I think Mexico, Mexican gangs or something like that, were starting to do that, where they were hacking into people's OnStar.

[1437] cars and fucking with their shit and finding out where they're at.

[1438] What?

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] I guess OnStar has a security hole in it right now.

[1441] Oh, my God.

[1442] I've never heard of that.

[1443] Are you sure?

[1444] You better fucking Google this, son.

[1445] I don't want to get sued.

[1446] No, totally.

[1447] Google this.

[1448] OnStar.

[1449] OnStar hack.

[1450] Yeah, we need to find out.

[1451] Hacking the OnStar GPS hack a day.

[1452] Let's go to news.

[1453] OnStar.

[1454] modern automobiles super vulnerable to hacking, researchers say.

[1455] So it's not Mexicans.

[1456] I forget where it was.

[1457] I just throw in Mexicans all the time.

[1458] No, but there was something.

[1459] You gotta offend all the Mexicans out there.

[1460] We have Mexican listeners, sir.

[1461] People from Mexico, okay?

[1462] So why don't you be nice?

[1463] I get people from Mexico.

[1464] So anyways, yeah, I guess whatever thing I saw was something about the OnStar had a security hole in it and people were, hackers tapping the ECU to kill engine brakes and more.

[1465] Blah, blah.

[1466] Here we go.

[1467] This is it.

[1468] Autoblog .com.

[1469] Yeah, but is OnStar and ECU the same thing?

[1470] I don't think so.

[1471] Now they're starting to move into the age of connected vehicles.

[1472] The risks are rapidly increasing.

[1473] OnStar already has the ability to remotely slow a stolen car.

[1474] Ford is currently on.

[1475] Yeah, I saw that in the ad for the new Corvette.

[1476] I was looking at this Corvette Grand Sport.

[1477] It's a pretty cool -looking convertible, and I was looking at it online, and one of the benefits was this OnStar thing.

[1478] And so they showed it where this guy fucking calls OnStar.

[1479] His friend's driving his car, and he says the vehicle's stolen.

[1480] OnStar shuts the car down while you're driving.

[1481] Yeah.

[1482] It says research that the universities of California and Washington will present a paper at a security conference in Oakland, California next week outlining how they were able to hack into a vehicle's computer system.

[1483] Wow.

[1484] It only makes sense.

[1485] Especially the government, man. I do like how I threw in Mexicans.

[1486] I don't know why I thought that.

[1487] Dude, how crazy is that?

[1488] You're running from the cops.

[1489] You're in your fucking Corvette.

[1490] You're like a goddamn 1970s movie.

[1491] And all of a sudden, OnStar kills your vet.

[1492] Yeah.

[1493] What kind of gay, un -American shit is that?

[1494] Yeah.

[1495] You know, I'm not saying that you should be allowed to have a car chase everywhere, but I'm saying maybe sometimes you're running from the cops because you're right.

[1496] Okay?

[1497] Maybe they're wrong and you're right and you've got to prove them that the one -armed man killed your wife and they don't understand.

[1498] You're innocent.

[1499] You're just trying to bring those who are responsible to justice.

[1500] You know that the cops aren't going to let you talk.

[1501] They're going to fucking lock you in a cell when you really need to be out there doing the investigative work to find out where that killer is.

[1502] And you're in the middle of doing this like you're in a goddamn movie.

[1503] Fucking cops can't keep up with your vet.

[1504] Okay?

[1505] You're a fucking faggity -ass Caprice.

[1506] You're a shitty old 200 ,000 -mile -on Caprice with fucking shitty suspension.

[1507] It smells like shit when you hit the gas.

[1508] That can't compete with a goddamn American Corvette.

[1509] Not to mention, there was a case in, looks like, 2002.

[1510] That Scott Peterson case where they got a search warrant to check his vehicle's GPS information because he was for a murder.

[1511] And they got to know exactly where he was on that date and stuff like that.

[1512] Oh, my goodness.

[1513] Yeah.

[1514] So it's tracking you and you're sending information to OnStar.

[1515] And if you ever get fucked and put in a weird situation.

[1516] Well, I don't even think that's OnStar.

[1517] I think that's just his GPS.

[1518] Which is like what we all have.

[1519] Oh, it is OnStar.

[1520] It is OnStar.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] Yeah.

[1523] Wow.

[1524] That's crazy.

[1525] Yeah.

[1526] So, you know, I always thought for some reason.

[1527] That's scary shit.

[1528] I don't like that.

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] But that's with every cell phone too.

[1531] You shouldn't be murdering your fucking wife either, asshole.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] That is with every cell phone.

[1534] It can ping where your phone is.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] I've heard that it can ping when your phone is with some phones even if your phone isn't on.

[1537] Like they can ping it.

[1538] I heard that too.

[1539] How is that possible?

[1540] I don't know.

[1541] Is there some sort of perpetual power source inside your phone?

[1542] Like a little tiny one?

[1543] I think what they're saying is if there's a battery in it, you know what I mean?

[1544] Right, but it's not on.

[1545] If it's not on, shit's never all the way off, I don't think.

[1546] You know what I mean?

[1547] Really?

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] Like when you turn off a computer.

[1550] Like a computer, there's still power in the computer.

[1551] Right.

[1552] I've heard that before, but I don't understand it.

[1553] Now, how the fuck is that happening with your phone, though?

[1554] Because phones are pretty much like computers, you know?

[1555] I need to know that that's true.

[1556] That's not nonsense.

[1557] No, I mean, if you think about it, there's – of course there's – Shit's always going to be on, you know?

[1558] You always hear weird, creepy dudes that put, like, GPS on their wife's car and fall them around.

[1559] Dude, they sell.

[1560] Chick's cars.

[1561] I was at Best Buy the other day, and they had in the clearance rack, they had this thing that was for kids that anytime you want to, you know, you put this thing on your kids.

[1562] you know, kid.

[1563] And anytime you want to, you can go on this computer website and find out exactly where they're at and track them live.

[1564] And it was like 69 bucks or something like that.

[1565] I'm thinking like you could easily just buy one of these things and throw it in somebody's back of their car.

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] It's yeah.

[1568] Easily.

[1569] That's so great.

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] Just glue it to the back of their car somewhere.

[1572] Stick it under their bumper or something.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] For sure.

[1575] They would never find it.

[1576] Totally.

[1577] How the fuck would you know?

[1578] Dude.

[1579] That's a scary ass thing when you think about it.

[1580] How many stalkers, especially if you're a chick, how many fucking creepy dudes out there that could be.

[1581] That's how paparazzis get their shit, I bet.

[1582] You know, I bet they have, I bet if you're a high -end celebrity, I bet you get shit tracked all the time.

[1583] Do you remember that Holloway story?

[1584] The girl who was, she was on vacation.

[1585] Some dudes murdered her.

[1586] Remember that?

[1587] They couldn't figure out who killed her.

[1588] So there's a bunch of people they questioned.

[1589] One of the kids that they had questioned, he's on the run right now in Chile.

[1590] He's running because he killed a woman in Peru.

[1591] Right.

[1592] He killed some chick in her hotel room.

[1593] I guess this dude just likes killing chicks.

[1594] Fuck yeah, Dexter.

[1595] How scary is that, man?

[1596] This guy's out there running free.

[1597] If you have kids, man, if you have girls especially, that stuff really trips you out.

[1598] It really trips you out when you start having little people that you care about or a wife that you care about or your sister that you care about.

[1599] You really start thinking about how fucked up the idea that someone out there would harm someone weaker than them like that.

[1600] Someone would do that and prey off that.

[1601] I think about that shit all the fucking time, man. Especially, I just finished watching season two of Dexter.

[1602] Now I'm really paranoid about everything.

[1603] Well, there's real people like that out there.

[1604] I know.

[1605] Like we were talking about the MMA guy.

[1606] Cut his fucking friend's heart out.

[1607] Yeah, that's ridiculous.

[1608] Yeah, some dude in Northern California drank some mushrooms with his friend.

[1609] He's putting two things in a terrible light, MMA and mushrooms.

[1610] He drank some mushrooms with his friend and then decided that there was some sort of a war going on between good and evil and that he had to fucking kill Satan by cutting his friend's heart out and cooking it.

[1611] What the fuck, son?

[1612] Yeah, I've never thought to ever do that with mushrooms.

[1613] I guess I've never had that kind of mushroom trip where I've gotten violent.

[1614] Mine's more like everything's beautiful.

[1615] I love life.

[1616] Well, that's the worry with everything, man. It's what are you coming to the table with?

[1617] The worry with everything is not, you know, what do mushrooms do to you?

[1618] How fucked up are you before you get the mushrooms in you?

[1619] You know, was it mushrooms that fucked you up or are you just fucking crazy and it was going to happen anyway?

[1620] You know, I mean, if you take a dude who's completely loony and you give him mushrooms, that's not a good call.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] Did you, speaking of...

[1623] You know the reason why that even exists, why it happens like that?

[1624] It's because mushrooms are illegal.

[1625] If mushrooms are illegal, we would find out what the dosage is.

[1626] We would find out like, oh, this contains X milligrams of psilocybin.

[1627] Don't take more than two.

[1628] Do not drive.

[1629] It would say some shit on the label.

[1630] And you could say, oh, hey, doctor, I'm on antidepressants and I'm on bipolar medication and some ADD shit.

[1631] Should I be taking...

[1632] mushrooms and doctor go oh no no no no no if you're gonna take mushrooms you got to get off all that other stuff because that'll fuck with the way your brain chemistry you'll totally totally misinterpret the world that's this guy who's probably on some antidepressants or some shit too you know i knew some people that are on antidepressants when they would drink they would drink and they would get this dude i know he gets crazy like he's not even there anymore it's like he gets like glossy eyed and he starts saying stupid shit in front of his wife he'll say stupid shit and like he's like like trying to be funny but it's not like he's nuts Normally, he's a great guy, but he has a couple of drinks in him, and this fucking loon comes out.

[1633] This weirdo, loony guy who doesn't know what he's doing and can't control himself.

[1634] God bless alcohol.

[1635] Crazy, right?

[1636] Yeah.

[1637] It's fucking amazing that in 2010, that's the easiest shit to get a hold of.

[1638] You know?

[1639] But you can't change it.

[1640] How are you going to change it?

[1641] Are you going to deny people their alcohol after they already have it?

[1642] How the fuck are you going to do that?

[1643] I don't know.

[1644] You'd have to get the mushrooms legal.

[1645] Speaking of drugs and legal, we should talk about going to the weed doctor the other day because we had an interesting thing came up when we were there.

[1646] We were talking to our doctor about legalizing marijuana, if he was for it or against it.

[1647] And he – you could see in his eyes he was not – he was kind of like – taken by the question, like, do I tell him the truth or not?

[1648] He's like, I'm kind of on the fence.

[1649] Puts him in a tricky position.

[1650] If you're a guy who makes a living by giving people prescriptions, and he's not cheap.

[1651] He's got an office in Hollywood.

[1652] It's probably very expensive to maintain, and he charges some money.

[1653] And I give the guy slack because I know that he went to jail.

[1654] He was one of the earliest guys who was involved with the medical marijuana community.

[1655] And he's a real nice guy.

[1656] So I like him.

[1657] I respect his sacrifice.

[1658] So we don't go doctor shopping for someone who's cheaper to get a recommendation.

[1659] I just go to him.

[1660] But it's weird though if you think about it.

[1661] You want to think these medical marijuana guys that are trying to get weed legalized and stuff.

[1662] You want to think they're in it for the right reasons.

[1663] But then when you really come down, pretty much what he was saying is he's not really happy about it because he's going to be losing money.

[1664] Well, he's going to be out of a business.

[1665] He's going to be out of a business.

[1666] It's not just losing money.

[1667] He's going to be losing all of his money.

[1668] Right.

[1669] So he's not really in it.

[1670] Well, it's weird.

[1671] It's conflicted, but he was honest about that.

[1672] Yeah.

[1673] He was honest about, well, it puts me in a tricky situation.

[1674] And so I was like, yeah, what would you do?

[1675] And he started talking about vitamin therapy and a couple other things that it does.

[1676] Right.

[1677] So yeah, I mean, if you look at it from his point of view, I mean, think about it.

[1678] The guy gets locked up in jail so that he can...

[1679] keep serving people this natural medicine that helps them with all their ailments.

[1680] And he's a doctor, okay?

[1681] So he's working with cancer patients and he's working with people with glaucoma and all sorts of different issues that can be assisted by cannabis as long as these people can get a hold of good quality stuff.

[1682] And he not only fights for that, believes in that, tries to enforce the letter of the law, which is, or tries to operate within the letter of the law, which is like in 1996, the law was passed in California for medical marijuana and they wind up blocking him in jail.

[1683] So, you know, and to have like that kind of sacrifice for something you believe in and ultimately have it like pulled out from under you with progress.

[1684] Well, he needs to diversify his fucking business.

[1685] Yeah.

[1686] He needs to move on to something else with weed.

[1687] You know, you need to start cooking it, dude.

[1688] You know, that's what you need to do.

[1689] Okay.

[1690] You're a doctor.

[1691] How about, you know, Dr. Let's call him Johnson.

[1692] Dr. Johnson's pot cookies.

[1693] Have your big smiling face on them.

[1694] Make some super fucking badass cookies.

[1695] I heard from somebody the other day that they heard from their guys that they're going to stop edibles in California.

[1696] Edibles are spooky.

[1697] They stopped edibles in Holland.

[1698] Did they?

[1699] Yeah.

[1700] You can't get edibles in Holland.

[1701] The reason why, and we've talked about this on the show before, but for the folks that don't know, when you eat marijuana, it creates a totally different chemical that is...

[1702] present when you smoke marijuana, but not in psychoactive doses.

[1703] And what that means is when you eat it, when you eat pot, the THC, as it goes through your liver, is processed into something that's called 11 -hydroxy metabolite.

[1704] And this 11 -hydroxy is four times more psychoactive than THC, four times stronger per weight of the dose, but a totally different effect.

[1705] It's not the same effect.

[1706] You know how it is when you get high, if you just smoke some weed.

[1707] You get a certain – there's a certain sensation.

[1708] There's a certain way you see things.

[1709] There's a certain door that gets opened, a certain frequency that gets turned on.

[1710] Well, when you eat it, it's not the same frequency, right?

[1711] Don't you feel it?

[1712] I mean it's fun, but it's a totally different thing.

[1713] It's a totally different drug.

[1714] Yeah.

[1715] Totally.

[1716] I don't actually like edibles at all.

[1717] It freaks a lot of people out.

[1718] We know people that have had like massive crying fits because they smoked pot and then thought about some shit that they did.

[1719] I've done that.

[1720] Really?

[1721] Yeah.

[1722] That always happens on edibles whenever I waterfall it.

[1723] I always find that the edibles make me the most introspective, make me the most conscious about my own personal decisions, my own personal behavior.

[1724] And it's like they correct me the most.

[1725] I get the most corrections from being super high on edibles.

[1726] Not me. Really?

[1727] No. I feel like I'm tripping and I don't know.

[1728] It's just not.

[1729] Not the right frame of mind at all.

[1730] It's so overwhelming and it's so powerful.

[1731] This is what happens when you get super, super high.

[1732] When it's so overwhelming and so powerful, anything negative that's in your mind is going to be brought to the surface and highlighted.

[1733] So it's like this drug or this chemical, whatever it is.

[1734] is this unstoppable force that's in your brain and just wants to run free.

[1735] It just wants to spin around and create.

[1736] And your imagination when you're super high, especially on edibles, is really shocking.

[1737] Sometimes I write things and I swear I can't take credit for these ideas and thoughts because they're just being pulled out of the ether by this weed.

[1738] I mean, that's really what it is.

[1739] It has to have a free track to drive around on.

[1740] It has to have free range of your thought.

[1741] If there's something that's fucking with you in your head, you know, like a relationship that you're trying to get out of or, you know, some argument that you had with your parents that's like really fucking bothering you, something that's really eating away at you, something you did where you regret doing it.

[1742] Anything like that, any speed bumps are going to be highlighted.

[1743] It's just going to put spotlights all over this fucking area of your thought process and it's going to make it very uncomfortable.

[1744] So in one way, that very uncomfortable feeling, that paranoia, that shit is good because it makes you come to grips with some things that maybe you weren't thinking about correctly or some things that maybe you weren't giving them your full attention and maybe you had a distorted perception of what they really are and the high is going to illuminate it for you.

[1745] So to me, it's almost like someone yelling at you to clean your room.

[1746] Hey, clean your mind, shithead.

[1747] You got this stuff that's bugging you.

[1748] Clean your mind.

[1749] But it's not easy.

[1750] It's like some high -level black belt shit.

[1751] That's what edibles are.

[1752] Edibles are like – that's like some Shaolin monk fucking top of the temple dodging arrow shit.

[1753] You can't just go right into a pot cookie when you're not really – you're not the type of person that's been exploring their consciousness.

[1754] You're not taking yoga.

[1755] You're not trying to clean yourself out.

[1756] You're just a regular dude with a bunch of fucking problems and some creepy memories in your past, and you eat a pot cookie.

[1757] you could wind up crying yourself to death.

[1758] I don't know, man. I don't get that feeling from Potcookies at all.

[1759] dude, you can get a strong one.

[1760] It'll fuck you.

[1761] Yeah.

[1762] It's more every now and then you get one to me. It's not like I'm learning anything about anything.

[1763] It's more of like, man, I'm fucked up and my heart is.

[1764] Yeah.

[1765] But you don't, you don't have like an introspective thing where it makes you start thinking about yourself and how you, how you stand in the world at all.

[1766] Wow.

[1767] That's weird.

[1768] Maybe with me, it's just triggering some natural responses that already have that are always going on anyway.

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] That's probably what it is.

[1771] Yeah.

[1772] Um, So, yeah, people are saying that the pot edible thing in Holland is bullshit, that they still sell them there.

[1773] You know what?

[1774] I think they're right.

[1775] I think I'm thinking of mushrooms.

[1776] Now that I think about it, I think the argument was the edible things was America.

[1777] No, you know what?

[1778] I think somebody told me that.

[1779] But you know what?

[1780] I didn't do any Google search or anything.

[1781] But I have heard about the edibles thing in California, that there's some concern.

[1782] And, you know, it's because it's some really potent shit.

[1783] What there's not concern about, though, is this guy, and I hate to say this because I don't want to make it illegal, that salvia is available in fucking head shops.

[1784] He can go get salvia.

[1785] And for those folks who don't know, there's some shit that you can buy in head shops.

[1786] Like you ever get like a high times magazine and there's that page when you open it up and it's like near bud, fake bud, you know, no, it's not real.

[1787] It doesn't do anything.

[1788] It's disgusting.

[1789] You know, I talked to one of the dudes from high times and he was telling me that they make a ton of money off that stuff.

[1790] I was like, that makes me sad.

[1791] I think I remember as a kid buying shit that was fake.

[1792] Just.

[1793] just in case if it worked you know like i remember doing i don't know if it was fake weed or what it was like i remember it was a lot of money it was like 30 40 bucks and i think it was one of those things that we were 18 we're like oh yeah i can feel it i can feel it yeah well i was when i was like 12 we used to smoke everything we smoked bamboo leaves bananas we smoked bananas yeah have you ever done that banana Yeah, you can smoke banana pills.

[1794] It's bananas.

[1795] We tried smoking all sorts of stuff.

[1796] We got cigars.

[1797] I tried chewing tobacco.

[1798] Kids are stupid.

[1799] They try all sorts of stupid shit.

[1800] What's snuff?

[1801] Snuff is that stuff.

[1802] It's like ground -up tobacco, and it's got all sorts of shit in it, menthol, and it's probably filled with chemicals.

[1803] And you stuff it in between your cheek and your gum, and it gives you this mad nicotine rush.

[1804] How great is it that Lindsay Lohan found a loophole to get her drugs during this probation time?

[1805] Did you hear about this?

[1806] No, I didn't hear about this.

[1807] What were we just talking about, though?

[1808] Because I had a point.

[1809] Snuff?

[1810] Before that.

[1811] You can go to head shops and get anything.

[1812] Oh, salvia.

[1813] Salvia.

[1814] Well, people are trying to make edibles illegal.

[1815] Dude, salvia is like a major psychedelic drug.

[1816] And for people who don't know it, it's a really intense experience.

[1817] You've done it a bunch of times, right?

[1818] How many times have you done it?

[1819] Like seven, six.

[1820] That's some out -of -body shit, right?

[1821] Yeah.

[1822] It's like mushrooms though.

[1823] But the thing about salvia is that it takes you to – it opens up your brain into like a world that if you're – especially if you're used to psychedelics, it's a familiar world.

[1824] Like it's crazy.

[1825] It's like doing a whippet of mushrooms.

[1826] But I had to stop doing it because I was doing it maybe once every couple weeks.

[1827] But I started thinking like, all right, this is not good.

[1828] This is – opening up something that's probably never going to be able to be completely shut.

[1829] And that's what a lot of people that DMT, I don't think it's a good idea.

[1830] I think there's certain things with the brain that once it's opened, you're going to be thinking about that shit forever.

[1831] Oh, dude, that's one of the reasons why I haven't done DMT in years.

[1832] I haven't done DMT in three years, at least.

[1833] And that's one of the reasons why.

[1834] It's because the last time I did it, it was like an...

[1835] an undeniable alteration of my view of reality that I had to become comfortable with.

[1836] It's like you have a certain reality that you live in, you know, and then you smoke a little pot and that reality shifts and like, whoa, now I'm in the pot reality.

[1837] You know, it's like I'm still in the same place.

[1838] I'm still dry, but I'm in a different frequency.

[1839] I'm like tuning into a different frequency.

[1840] That's how I always describe any sort of psychedelic experience, whether it's mild like, you know, pot or intense like DMT.

[1841] But the DMT one, when I came back to sobriety, when the pot one comes back to sober, then I'm always the same.

[1842] I'm driving down the same street.

[1843] I see the same people.

[1844] I wave.

[1845] It all feels the same to me. Whereas when I'm high and I run into somebody or I'm out doing my thing, it feels weird.

[1846] It feels weird.

[1847] But then when I sober up, it's all normal again.

[1848] Well, with the DMT thing, once I sobered up, it wasn't normal again.

[1849] It didn't get normal.

[1850] It didn't get normal for weeks.

[1851] When I came back, I was the same person.

[1852] I was living in the same house.

[1853] I had the same life.

[1854] But I had seen something that there was no way I was ever going to forget.

[1855] And my whole view of reality completely shifted.

[1856] So I had to think.

[1857] Now I just have to get comfortable with this new view.

[1858] So it took like two weeks before my new view of reality before I felt like a normal person during normal days.

[1859] But for two whole weeks, man, I remember – the way I describe it is that reality felt very slippery.

[1860] So you don't think that happens at least in a micro kind of way with smoking weed or eating weed?

[1861] I think if you don't give yourself recovery period.

[1862] I think it certainly alters the way you look at the world, and perhaps permanently.

[1863] I think potheads in general have a completely different way of looking at things than people who don't smoke pot.

[1864] I don't think that's a coincidence, and I think that's one of the reasons why pot's here in the first place.

[1865] I think the reason why we have these reactions to these plants, and these plants give us these reactions and give us this different way of looking at things and seeing things, I think that's what they're there for.

[1866] I think there's a symbiotic relationship that we have between.

[1867] us and those plants.

[1868] And those plants are there to assist in our evolution.

[1869] I think they're there to assist in our changing of our thinking.

[1870] And I think that's what they do.

[1871] They shape our thinking.

[1872] They round things out.

[1873] They take away a lot of the sharp, jagged, retarded edges of normal thinking.

[1874] And I think the introspectiveness that they bring is one of the big parts about it.

[1875] The ability to step back and objectively kind of assess your life and look at it and the squashing of your ego.

[1876] I mean, the intimidation and the...

[1877] the feeling of paranoia that you get when you smoke pot.

[1878] Part of that is, you know, the, the ego gets exposed and you, you, your defense mechanisms drop and you, you'd lighten it all up and you start to look at things for what they really are.

[1879] You know, I mean, that's, that's why I think it's there.

[1880] I don't think it's for everybody, you know?

[1881] I don't think it should be done if you don't know what you're doing.

[1882] I think the problem with everything being illegal is that we don't have any shaman anymore.

[1883] It's a goofy name for it, but maybe there could be sort of a psychedelic consultant that you go to.

[1884] And the psychedelic consultant is a guy who's professionally adept at navigating psychedelic worlds.

[1885] Maybe that's what our pot doctor should turn into.

[1886] Yeah, that's what he should turn into, but that shit's illegal too.

[1887] Potheads aren't going to pay, so you can tell them how to get high.

[1888] Pot's too easy, but mushrooms.

[1889] But what if you're getting massaged by an Asian chick while he's doing it?

[1890] So you should have a combo business?

[1891] Yeah, a combo business.

[1892] Now you're thinking, see?

[1893] If you were that doctor, you wouldn't have to worry about the future.

[1894] You'd be all pro pot because you've got some backup plans.

[1895] That's right.

[1896] That's a pretty dope move, dude.

[1897] You smoke some weed and get a massage, buy a really hot Asian chick, and they read inspirational quotes to you.

[1898] Yeah.

[1899] Why not, man?

[1900] Why can't that be a real business?

[1901] You've got to think of it.

[1902] That actually sounds pretty promising, man. You could start a chain of those.

[1903] What would you call them?

[1904] Hello Titty?

[1905] Pretty girl rub -rub to enlightenment.

[1906] Too many words.

[1907] Too many words, right?

[1908] Is this real life?

[1909] How about pretty girl massage to enlightenment?

[1910] Maybe is this real life?

[1911] That's it.

[1912] Like the kid, the dentist?

[1913] The kid that came back from the dentist?

[1914] Yeah, is this real life?

[1915] Is this real life?

[1916] Hey, dude, I went to Israel Life.

[1917] They have this new girl.

[1918] You got to smoke the train wreck and have her talk about it.

[1919] This is how funny Dana White is.

[1920] Dana White's birthday party for his 40th birthday was this awesome bash that they threw for him.

[1921] Total surprise.

[1922] It was in Vegas at one of the big hotels.

[1923] This whole fucking conference room and everything.

[1924] They had it all set up.

[1925] He had no idea.

[1926] He goes down there and he walks in the door.

[1927] Everybody's waiting.

[1928] Surprise!

[1929] This is how crazy his party was.

[1930] Fucking Stone Temple Pilots played.

[1931] Oh, wow.

[1932] The Stone Temple Pilots got up, and they were...

[1933] That guy, Scott Whelan, is that what his name is?

[1934] The one who's always on heroin?

[1935] Eddie Vedder wannabe?

[1936] Yeah, he's...

[1937] talented as fuck dude that guy was inspirationally talented but crazy as all fuck like it was taking a while to get the party started to get everybody seated and everything like that and they wanted more money they were threatening they wanted to fucking leave they were gonna quit like it was all sorts of I mean I'm getting this all third hand so it could be total bullshit but you know I didn't actually talk to him but uh We did bring them up.

[1938] I introduced them.

[1939] I said, happy birthday to Dana.

[1940] And then I said, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Stone Temple Pilots.

[1941] And everybody went fucking crazy.

[1942] You couldn't believe the actual Stone Temple Pilots were there.

[1943] So anyway, they play this intense concert.

[1944] I mean, that motherfucker is so good.

[1945] He's so tight and so professional and nails every fucking single movement.

[1946] It was really one of the best live performances I've ever seen.

[1947] But was it all the same old songs?

[1948] That's why he was so tight.

[1949] It doesn't matter.

[1950] I don't give a fuck.

[1951] A bit from 20 years ago.

[1952] That's true, but God damn it was good.

[1953] I understand that, but I love those songs, so God damn it was good.

[1954] Anyway, and it's over.

[1955] Dana goes on stage, takes the microphone and goes, that just happened.

[1956] That's cool.

[1957] He's like, that just happened.

[1958] And they want to get out of there.

[1959] They want to get their check and the fuck out of here.

[1960] And Dana's just standing there looking at all his friends, talking to the mic.

[1961] That just happened.

[1962] I mean, it was like one of those moments where you're like, wow, that motherfucker just had Stone Tempo Pilots play his birthday party.

[1963] That's awesome.

[1964] Could you imagine coming out to your backyard and, you know, who would be your band?

[1965] Ween?

[1966] Would it be Ween?

[1967] You know, Ween probably, maybe.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] If you had, like, MC Chris show up at your house and he's playing in your backyard, you know, it surprised you?

[1970] Is MC Chris your Stone Temple Pilots?

[1971] No, no, no, no. I know MC Chris.

[1972] That's a problem.

[1973] That's gay.

[1974] That's gay.

[1975] Who would be your Stone Temple Pilots?

[1976] Nine Inch Nails back in the day, maybe.

[1977] I don't know.

[1978] For me, Soundgarden when they were at their peak.

[1979] Blow Up the Outside World.

[1980] Those songs, man. That was when I first started smoking weed, when I first started getting into Soundgarden.

[1981] And I remember...

[1982] I was at the comedy store once, and we were hanging out all night, having a good time, and I was leaving, and in my car on the way home, I listened to Spoon Man. And it was so fucking good, I played it all the way home.

[1983] I just kept repeating it.

[1984] Every time it would go to the next song, I'd go right back to it.

[1985] I listened to Spoon Man, I don't know how many times.

[1986] It takes me 20 minutes to drive home.

[1987] I listened to Spoon Man at least five times.

[1988] Wow.

[1989] Because it was just so good.

[1990] You don't even know what music sounds like until you start smoking pot.

[1991] You don't even know what you're missing.

[1992] There's certain sounds that you're not going to feel.

[1993] Or at least I'm not going to.

[1994] I don't know how music affects you.

[1995] But for me, when I smoke pot, it makes me way more connected to music.

[1996] Eddie says the same shit.

[1997] Like when he listens to music and when he does music.

[1998] Well, weed just intensifies everything, obviously.

[1999] If you see a movie on weed, it's going to be more intense and awesome than it is without it.

[2000] Everything.

[2001] Sex, too.

[2002] People don't realize that.

[2003] And emotions.

[2004] Emotions.

[2005] Yeah, waterfalls.

[2006] You can tell us all.

[2007] Tell us all, waterfalls.

[2008] You know what?

[2009] I was just thinking who would be my person would be Ben Folds.

[2010] Ben Folds 5?

[2011] Yeah.

[2012] Ben Folds, yeah.

[2013] What about John Mayer?

[2014] Don't you think he'd be jealous?

[2015] What?

[2016] John Mayer just had to cancel his European tour.

[2017] Oh, him and Carlos.

[2018] No. Don't be mean.

[2019] To kick a man while he's down.

[2020] I know.

[2021] Let's not talk about that guy.

[2022] Yeah, so for like modern bands, man, shit, I don't know.

[2023] I think House of Pain would be fucking badass.

[2024] I miss that.

[2025] Dana had a concert in Boston for St. Patrick's Day and he had House of Pain play.

[2026] Dude, Everlast is the coolest.

[2027] It reminds me of my drug dealer, though.

[2028] My drug dealer in Ohio was so addicted to House of Pain.

[2029] Every day I would come over and be like, what's up, Brian?

[2030] He turns on, jump around or whatever.

[2031] Dude, I like when Marcus Davis fights, but one of the main reasons why is just I love Marcus Davis, but also so I could hear that fucking song.

[2032] That's one of the best walkout songs ever.

[2033] Yeah.

[2034] that fucking song is the shit, man. They just smashed that one, you know, and then they had a hard time coming up with anything that could top that.

[2035] That song was just such an out -of -the -ballpark smash hit, you know?

[2036] It wasn't until Everlast got on his own, like that What It's Like song.

[2037] That's another, that's a fucking classic.

[2038] That's an all -time classic.

[2039] Wait, Everlast.

[2040] I'm thinking of, are you thinking of Swim Past the Breakers?

[2041] Left Might the World Die?

[2042] No. Who's that?

[2043] Oh my god, you faggot.

[2044] That's a totally different band.

[2045] House of Pain is jump around.

[2046] Jump up, jump up and get down.

[2047] Jump, jump.

[2048] I'm the king of the...

[2049] No, no, no. I thought you were talking about something else.

[2050] Never mind.

[2051] I thought you were talking about Everlast the band.

[2052] No. When you said Everlast.

[2053] Everlast the lead singer.

[2054] Right, right.

[2055] You faggot.

[2056] I know you're not.

[2057] You were thinking of, is that the other band called Everlast, though?

[2058] No. Everclear, bro.

[2059] Everclear.

[2060] Everclear.

[2061] That's like the total polar homosexual opposite of House of Pain.

[2062] I know.

[2063] I was just like.

[2064] But, by the way, a badass band still.

[2065] I love that song.

[2066] You do?

[2067] Yeah.

[2068] He's on Access Hollywood now, isn't he, or something like that?

[2069] No, that's Mike McGrath.

[2070] You're just fucking.

[2071] Tying everybody together, man. I heard Gene Simmons just died.

[2072] Oh, no, it was Rodney James Dio.

[2073] You're just fucking connecting people, man. That was the weirdest thing ever.

[2074] Any show that I ever did, the New Year's show, when Gene Simmons showed up for the New Year's show, to watch my New Year's show, I freaked out.

[2075] I've never freaked out of people coming to see my show before, but I legitimately freaked out.

[2076] I was nervous.

[2077] I've had famous people come to see the show and talk to me before they see it.

[2078] It doesn't freak me out.

[2079] Once I got a little nervous when Penn was in the audience because I was hanging out with Penn from Penn & Teller.

[2080] Because I respect him and he's a cool guy.

[2081] So I got a little weirded out.

[2082] And I was like, holy shit, I can't bomb.

[2083] I can't bomb.

[2084] I gotta do my rights.

[2085] And that's the worst state of mind to get into for comedy.

[2086] But when Gene Simmons was in the audience on the New Year's show, I was like, holy shit, that's fucking Gene Simmons.

[2087] Like to me, when I was a little kid, when I was a Kiss fan, when I was like fucking...

[2088] 12 and shit i had kiss posters on my wall and you know i get into arguments with kids at school because they would say kisses for fags so i had to hide my kiss collection i had to hide my love for kiss when dudes would come over my house like the first time if i didn't know them i hid my kiss stuff you just like makeup joe I do.

[2089] You like makeup on guys, but not makeup on girls.

[2090] I like high heels.

[2091] I like the makeup.

[2092] I just love the whole thing where they had, you know, they had like the whole pageantry of the fucking show.

[2093] You know, they had the demon, the star child, the fucking lover, the whole thing, man. I was a fucking huge Kiss fan.

[2094] I still am.

[2095] I still love some of their jams.

[2096] I like fucking throwing them on when you're driving.

[2097] Yeah.

[2098] I was made for loving you.

[2099] Love, guys.

[2100] Yeah.

[2101] There's a good video of you doing a karaoke version of Love Gun.

[2102] Yeah.

[2103] Google search Kiss Karaoke Joe Rogan.

[2104] That was fun, man. That was fun as shit.

[2105] That was a fun radio show.

[2106] That show Sarah and No Name.

[2107] Yeah.

[2108] But they're not together anymore.

[2109] They broke up.

[2110] Yeah.

[2111] Now No Name's got his own gig and she's got her own gig.

[2112] Radio's a grind, man. It's hard.

[2113] It's hard.

[2114] The Mrs. Rogan had to get something fixed on her car so she got a rental car.

[2115] And she was telling me, she was like, when you don't listen to satellite radio for a while, you realize how much regular radio sucks.

[2116] You know what?

[2117] Those satellite radios are starting to suck now, too.

[2118] Because, I mean, they're now getting censored by the, you know, like, I think Opie and Anthony were talking about it the other day, where they weren't allowed to puke anymore or do sounds of puking or anything leaving the body.

[2119] Yeah, shit.

[2120] They can't talk about shit either.

[2121] It's like that baby bird bit they did back in the day.

[2122] They wouldn't have been able to do that anymore.

[2123] They just aired it, though.

[2124] Did they?

[2125] Yeah, it was on the other day.

[2126] I was driving home and I was listening to Opie and Anthony and I wasn't really paying attention, but I heard screams and cheers.

[2127] And I was like, what could fucking possibly be eliciting this kind of reaction?

[2128] And then I said, oh my God, this is the baby bird.

[2129] And I turned it up.

[2130] So I had just gotten in the car, you know, and I turned it up and you hear it like everything.

[2131] I heard Bill Burr's voice and then I heard my own voice and I was like, oh, wow.

[2132] But that's weird, though, because, like, satellite radio is now turning into regular radio in some ways.

[2133] And also, a lot of these music channels, it almost seems like they, like, I was talking about this last night with some dude, how he was saying, like, how satellite radio to him sounds like they just, like, they're playing, like, looped.

[2134] Like they have a CD, like a mixtape and they're just looping the same, you know, like he's like, I don't need to hear music channels.

[2135] Yeah.

[2136] Like I don't need to hear Bush five times a day.

[2137] You know what they should do for real?

[2138] They should have real DJs.

[2139] Take the opportunity to go back to real DJs where one guy, no, we haven't talked about this, where one guy is like some fucking cool Wolfman Jack type character.

[2140] He talks some shit in between the songs and he plays what he likes.

[2141] The future is just Rhapsody.

[2142] Or not Rhapsody.

[2143] fuck the Pandora and like all those like blips and stuff like that, because that's what the future is.

[2144] Like if you like, I don't know if you ever use Pandora, if you like Pandora, if you like say like Ben Folds, you type in Ben Folds or Ween.

[2145] And then what it does is it makes a radio station based on what other users who like that band like also.

[2146] And so what happens is like they'll play Ween, then they'll play another band that's like other people that like Ween like, and you either say yes or no, you vote it up and down.

[2147] And it just kind of starts building the person.

[2148] Yeah, that's brilliant.

[2149] That's brilliant.

[2150] But what that's missing, though, is the camaraderie of a DJ.

[2151] I remember when I used to do construction and I used to listen to Charles Laquadera in the morning, the morning blanket or the morning mattress.

[2152] The big mattress, that's what it was called.

[2153] It was this cool comedy radio show that was on in Boston.

[2154] This is like the early 80s, like 1981 or some shit like that.

[2155] You felt like you had a connection with this dude.

[2156] You would hear him talk and then he would play a song.

[2157] All the other DJs, too.

[2158] Mark Parenteau was in the afternoon.

[2159] He would talk and then he would play a song.

[2160] That guy became a part of your afternoon.

[2161] It's like he would play the shit that he wanted to play.

[2162] I remember I was listening to this one station, WCOZ.

[2163] WCOZ back in Boston was called Kick -Ass Rock and Roll.

[2164] And the DJ said, you know what?

[2165] I'm going to play you guys something just because it's good.

[2166] And it's not even rock.

[2167] It's a Michael Jackson song.

[2168] I'm going to play this just because it's good.

[2169] And he played Billie Jean.

[2170] And I remember like, look at this crazy motherfucker.

[2171] He decided to not even play a rock song.

[2172] He's like playing a Michael Jackson song.

[2173] But it was so fucking good, nobody gave a shit.

[2174] But it was like those type of chances you can't take today.

[2175] You've got to stick to the format.

[2176] They're not allowed to do that because it's all based on money, like advertising and all that stuff in order for them to be able to have jobs.

[2177] So they're not allowed to play certain songs because the music industry or record labels won't let them play those songs, et cetera.

[2178] Yeah, well, that's what sucks, man. The old days of a real DJ, I think if satellite radio was smart, they would concentrate on hiring really interesting personalities to just be DJs.

[2179] Just some dude that you – get used to listening to.

[2180] Some dude who says some interesting shit in between the songs.

[2181] Some guy that's got an interesting point of view.

[2182] Gives you some trivia about the band or something.

[2183] Well, you like the guy and you like his taste in music.

[2184] You know who it should be is the guy from Opie and Anthony.

[2185] The guy who did a guest host once.

[2186] Remember we listened to it last time we were on the show?

[2187] Rich Voss?

[2188] No, no, the guy that works for them.

[2189] That's like their bodyguard.

[2190] Steve?

[2191] The manager.

[2192] Remember, he did a guest hour on radio where he DJed, and we all listened to it last time we were there.

[2193] The big tall guy.

[2194] Oh, Kenny.

[2195] Kenny.

[2196] Oh, exactly.

[2197] Club Soda Kenny.

[2198] I didn't know where you were going with this.

[2199] I don't know why I have Club Soda Kenny just in the back of my head at all times.

[2200] He did that disco thing.

[2201] He was as a DJ on the disco channel.

[2202] And I don't think that they ever aired this.

[2203] But he was just swearing and saying all kinds of crude shit.

[2204] And it was really hilarious.

[2205] And playing like a character, like a DJ character.

[2206] And it was awesome.

[2207] It made you look forward to the end of the song so you could hear him talk some more shit.

[2208] It was like fun.

[2209] You know?

[2210] But the problem is for every person who loves Club Sona Kenny, there's going to be another person probably somewhere who hates them.

[2211] That's the good thing about satellite radio.

[2212] It's like cable.

[2213] They could have a million radio stations.

[2214] Exactly.

[2215] But they're not willing to do that.

[2216] It's the same reason why they're telling them not to make poopy sounds.

[2217] It's like they're worried about any negative.

[2218] They're not worried about the positive.

[2219] No one is going to pay extra for poopy sounds.

[2220] But there's going to be some people that they hear them talk about shit and diarrhea and they just tune out.

[2221] They're just like, that's it.

[2222] And they're worried about advertisers.

[2223] know, like not wanting to be associated with poopy talk, you know, that they're going to lose something.

[2224] So that's why, you know, like a guy who's like a real crazy DJ, like a club soda Kenny, that shit is not going to fly because he's going to offend too many people.

[2225] We live in a pussy ass world.

[2226] That's why I think the internet is just going to be the radio, like this shit right here, like podcasts.

[2227] But the problem is that now they're going to fuck with this.

[2228] How are they going to fuck with this?

[2229] They're going to find a way to edit it or censor it.

[2230] You know they're going to.

[2231] Well, eventually you'll be able to do this from your own computer.

[2232] You won't have to worry about that.

[2233] Eventually you're going to be able to do something like Ustream.

[2234] You won't need a Ustream.

[2235] Not that we don't love Ustream.

[2236] They're all very cool with us and everything.

[2237] But you're going to be able to do this kind of shit from your home computer.

[2238] You're going to be able to do this shit on your home network.

[2239] What do you mean?

[2240] You're going to be able to have your own Ustream set up on your own computer.

[2241] You're not going to have to have some crazy server and the server handles all this video.

[2242] There's going to become some new innovation that's going to allow people to do this kind of shit right from their own computer.

[2243] You can already do that.

[2244] Yeah, but not with these kind of numbers.

[2245] How many people are tuning into this thing right now?

[2246] Oh, I see what you're saying.

[2247] What do we have, 1 ,300 people here right now?

[2248] Yeah, that's kind of a bandwidth thing.

[2249] So, yeah, you'll be able to serve it.

[2250] Eventually, that won't be an issue.

[2251] Just like 14 .4 baud modems can never even download pictures.

[2252] It took forever.

[2253] You'd never be able to do this on the old school.

[2254] I remember the first time I clicked on an ISDN line, it didn't make that noise.

[2255] I was like, this is incredible.

[2256] You just get online.

[2257] There's no noise.

[2258] How do you know when it's on?

[2259] God, that's a ringtone I want.

[2260] Just that sound of dialing up.

[2261] I bet you can get it.

[2262] If not, somebody make it.

[2263] That is a cool ringtone.

[2264] Yeah.

[2265] Throw that shit up on Twitter, homies.

[2266] Make a ringtone.

[2267] Yeah, please do.

[2268] Yeah, that sound, man, that getting online sound.

[2269] The dialing up modem sound.

[2270] Somebody make a ringtone for iPhone.

[2271] Please.

[2272] There was a time where that was the way to get online, and you couldn't get online if you had your phone on.

[2273] If you were like – someone couldn't use the phone while you were online.

[2274] My mom still has that internet.

[2275] You know what's – I don't know if you ever had AOL back in the day.

[2276] They used to have when – private messaging first came out, like instant message.

[2277] Yeah, I remember that.

[2278] Every time you get an instant message, this voice, the same guy that did you got mail, would say, instant message.

[2279] And then you get like a window that pops up and goes, hi, how are you doing?

[2280] Then you'd write back.

[2281] And then they write back and it goes, instant message.

[2282] And I remember that that was really cool.

[2283] It was like, wow, there's this voice telling me they have a message.

[2284] But then it got so popular that like for a good couple months, AOL was...

[2285] must've been freaking out because that, because it would just go instant, instant, instant message.

[2286] Cause everyone was, uh, messaging back and forth.

[2287] Cause it just like, it became Twitter overnight.

[2288] So everyone was instant messaging.

[2289] So it was just the most annoying shit ever.

[2290] Like you just walk into your house and you just hear instant, instant, instant message.

[2291] I remember when you got mail was cool.

[2292] You got mail.

[2293] You've got mail.

[2294] You've got mail.

[2295] Remember when that was cool?

[2296] Yeah.

[2297] You should have that for your text messages.

[2298] You've got mail.

[2299] Every time a text comes in.

[2300] That should be your sound.

[2301] That guy that did that voice, I think, is the same that used to do some Disney advertisements or something like this.

[2302] Coming soon to Disney.

[2303] That should be available.

[2304] That You've Got Mail should be available as a ringtone.

[2305] Yeah.

[2306] Shouldn't it be?

[2307] I'm sure it is somewhere.

[2308] It better be.

[2309] I'll be very disappointed.

[2310] I used to love that sound.

[2311] Me too.

[2312] Until I had it for like a couple months.

[2313] And then after a while, you're like, what the fuck is that?

[2314] Shut the fuck up.

[2315] Was there an option to shut that noise off?

[2316] I don't remember.

[2317] But I remember on that instant message, I don't think there was.

[2318] And that's why it was so annoying.

[2319] Because AOL had to update it so they got rid of it.

[2320] I remember there was another type of chat like that.

[2321] ICQ.

[2322] Yeah, ICQ, exactly.

[2323] I still have my ICQ number.

[2324] Do you really?

[2325] It's like 512 or something.

[2326] That's crazy.

[2327] Do people still use that shit?

[2328] I don't know.

[2329] Yeah, they do.

[2330] Yeah, yeah.

[2331] ICQ is like only the elite nerdy nerds.

[2332] The super elite nerds.

[2333] Yeah.

[2334] Yeah, that was back in my Quake playing days.

[2335] Everybody in Quake had ICQ and you would get online the Quake clan.

[2336] Like my ICQ name was my Quake name.

[2337] primate xd and i'd get online and all the other quake clan members would go on and we would message each other about what server you were going to be on and there was a way that you could click on the link they would send you a link to the server you click on it from icq and it would fire up your quake game and take you right to that server dude those are the days man those are the days i all i wanted to do was get home and fucking play quake that's the baby screaming in the hallway That's what happens when you live with kids.

[2338] They start screaming and shit.

[2339] Yeah.

[2340] Goddamn little banshees.

[2341] We got seven more minutes and then we're going to call it.

[2342] This time we're going to do it at two hours.

[2343] Gangster.

[2344] I feel like we started petering out about ten minutes ago.

[2345] Yeah.

[2346] I agree.

[2347] Not really.

[2348] I fired it back up.

[2349] We do a long podcast with no brains.

[2350] We do.

[2351] It's pretty amazing.

[2352] But it's, you know what, I think it's the way to do it because then you get deep into conversations.

[2353] Yeah.

[2354] You know, in an hour, sometimes we just touch on things right when we touch on them.

[2355] Yeah.

[2356] You know, at the end.

[2357] You know, we've run out of time.

[2358] What else did I want to talk to you about?

[2359] Oh, the fucking oil spill thing, man. The latest thing on the oil spill was that they're not going to be able to stop it until they dig into these extra wells to make these relief wells.

[2360] They're going to have two relief wells.

[2361] They wanted to make one, but the government forced them to drill two relief wells because the area they're trying to hit to intersect these two wells is like seven and a half inches.

[2362] And they have to go like a fucking mile underwater and underground to hit this well.

[2363] A mile.

[2364] And it's going to take them until August.

[2365] And even that is not guaranteed.

[2366] But until then, it's just going to keep pouring oil.

[2367] And there was a thing on Rachel Maddow where they showed the same company that built this well also built a well that in 1979 did the same fucking thing.

[2368] In 1979 in the Gulf of Mexico, it spilled out for nine months.

[2369] Wow, really?

[2370] For nine months until they figured out how to stop it.

[2371] Nine fucking months.

[2372] I think it's going to be crazy.

[2373] I know everyone made fun of the CNN for doing this, but I just think it's going to be crazy.

[2374] hurricane season during all mixing in with all this you know dude it's terrifying what if it just becomes like fire tornadoes and stuff like that it really could be it really could be i mean people don't know how dangerous that is if you get hurricanes and they start taking that oil which is literally the size of maryland now there's an oil slick that's the size of a state And it takes that shit and flies it through the fucking air.

[2375] It's going to whip it up in like tornadoes and shit and fly it through the fucking air.

[2376] I mean, it's literally going to take that oil and throw it all over everything.

[2377] People's houses and cars and trees.

[2378] And if something happens and a fire starts, dude, that is like some biblical shit.

[2379] Yeah, that's about 2012.

[2380] That's some biblical shit.

[2381] A state on fire.

[2382] Wow.

[2383] Fire tornadoes.

[2384] Yeah.

[2385] That's so cool.

[2386] Dude, how scary is that?

[2387] I mean, that sucks.

[2388] That sucks.

[2389] It does suck.

[2390] I want to see a fire tornado, though.

[2391] I want to see it in a lab, maybe, contained.

[2392] Or in a movie, end of a world movie.

[2393] Dude, I watched some one.

[2394] one documentary where they showed this very specific geographic feature of the earth where they were having a hard time figuring out how it was created.

[2395] And they chalked it off to some insane, like instantaneous super storm that like literally destroyed like half of this mountainside and recut through this, you know, like tornadoes and all kinds of crazy shit, cut this landscape.

[2396] You start looking at shit like that and you start thinking of what the possibilities actually are.

[2397] What could happen at any moment?

[2398] Some nutty shit could happen any day, any time, any minute of any day.

[2399] Some of the things that have happened to this earth over the past make that sinkhole in Guatemala look like nothing.

[2400] This is one of them, man. This oil spill thing is pretty crazy because there's a lot of goddamn oil.

[2401] There's a lot of goddamn tankers out there.

[2402] There's a lot of goddamn oil rigs out there in the ocean.

[2403] If somebody was a real anarchist, instead of trying to fuck up the world by blowing up a building, they would start blowing those fucking things up.

[2404] I think they try a lot, I bet.

[2405] Do you?

[2406] I bet they do.

[2407] They should have warships that are around those things at all times.

[2408] But then they would probably fuck up and blow it up accidentally.

[2409] Some suicidal, crazy sailor -type dude accidentally sucked his first dick, can't take it.

[2410] I'm sure there's some fail -safes to keep them from doing that, right?

[2411] Yeah, totally.

[2412] Keep them from having access to missiles and shit.

[2413] There should be fail -safes that this shit didn't happen.

[2414] Well, the crazy thing is that they made this...

[2415] not even to their own safety specifications.

[2416] They got a waiver on it because it was taking too long to make.

[2417] So the valve that they used or whatever they used to cap this oil well off was not the best shit.

[2418] They did not use the recommended and required shit.

[2419] They got some sort of a break because they were way behind in budget, and so they spent less money.

[2420] And put this thing up quicker.

[2421] And the real hazard with those is that sometimes gas gets inside of them.

[2422] That's what causes explosions.

[2423] And that's exactly what fucking happened.

[2424] That's what happened in 1979.

[2425] Same goddamn thing happened.

[2426] And still from then to now, they literally haven't come up with any new ways of stopping the oil.

[2427] They don't have any backup plans.

[2428] They just figure it happens so rarely.

[2429] We're just going to suck as much money out as is humanly possible.

[2430] Fuck everybody else.

[2431] And then, you know, if something happens, we'll deal with it.

[2432] But hopefully nothing will happen.

[2433] I guess to please the UFC fans, what did you think about the Rashad Rampage recap?

[2434] Oh, is there a lot of UFC fans in the chat?

[2435] There's a lot of people asking about the Rashad Rampage.

[2436] It's an interesting fight.

[2437] I think Rampage came into that fight too heavy.

[2438] I think he was aware of that.

[2439] Yeah, he was 250 pounds, and the weight class is 205.

[2440] So he had 45 pounds to lose.

[2441] Not really.

[2442] 35 really.

[2443] He's going to cut some weight, cut about 10 pounds.

[2444] But that's a lot of weight to lose in a training camp.

[2445] It's a tremendous amount of weight.

[2446] So he had to think about that.

[2447] I think, more than he should have.

[2448] And Rashad was coming off of the fight with Thiago Silva, so he's in excellent shape.

[2449] So he came right from one fight, jumped back in training, and got in training camp for the next fight with a good amount of downtime to recover, but not too much.

[2450] So it was really optimum for him, for Rashad, and he made the most of it.

[2451] I mean, if you saw the primetime shows, they're really good.

[2452] Those primetime shows get you fucking fired up, man. They're really in -depth on the training and show all the preparations and everything, and Rashad was throwing it down, man. His training was insane.

[2453] He was doing all these crazy sprints with a parachute on.

[2454] They'd put a parachute on his back, and he's doing sprints.

[2455] And he's doing all these things where he's pushing sleds and all this explosive energy shit.

[2456] And it really showed in the fight, man. He moved so fast.

[2457] When he charged out right at the opening bell and cracked Rampage in the jaw, I was really shocked at how fast he moved.

[2458] It was really, really intense.

[2459] And he executed a perfect game plan.

[2460] He kept away from the danger, which is Rampage's power shots.

[2461] And he implemented his strategy, controlling him and taking him down and beating him up when he's on the outside and getting away from Rampage's counters.

[2462] But he did get clipped once.

[2463] That was the most interesting part of the fight.

[2464] besides the opening seconds when he cracked him, the most interesting part of the fight was when Rampage hit him.

[2465] He hurt him bad.

[2466] His legs gave out.

[2467] He was flat on his ass.

[2468] Yeah, in the third round.

[2469] He got hurt bad, but he kept his composure, got a hold of Rampage, and even reversed the position.

[2470] So it was a huge round for him just as far as being able to overcome the worst -case scenario.

[2471] The worst -case scenario is Rampage clips you, he hurts you, and he's on top of you, and you're on the bottom.

[2472] That's the worst position you could ever be in with a guy like Rampage.

[2473] he's so fucking powerful.

[2474] He hits so hard.

[2475] And Rashad kept his shit together and kept a hold of him and got out of the situation.

[2476] I was impressed, man. I thought it was an entertaining fight.

[2477] I enjoyed the fuck out of it.

[2478] Some people criticized him.

[2479] I didn't see that UFC, but I heard that everyone was really upset about it.

[2480] Really?

[2481] Yeah.

[2482] Who's everyone?

[2483] Every person I talk to.

[2484] Who are you talking to?

[2485] A bunch of faggots.

[2486] Something about it just – Well, people sometimes say, oh, he just fucking wall installed him.

[2487] That's what they're saying.

[2488] A lot of people say that.

[2489] Well, just fucking wall installed, man. That's all he did, wall install.

[2490] No, what he did was he dealt with a very dangerous challenger in a very intelligent way.

[2491] I don't think there's anything wrong with what he did.

[2492] I think what he did is what you have to do.

[2493] You can't just go in there and bang it out with Rampage.

[2494] He's going to clip you and you're going to go to sleep.

[2495] That's just fact.

[2496] That's just the way it goes.

[2497] Rampage has a distinct advantage with most...

[2498] people.

[2499] If most dudes want to stand in there and trade with Rampage, Rampage is going to fuck them up.

[2500] The only guy that I've ever seen go after Rampage and stand and trade with him was Vanderlei in the first two fights, and that was when Rampage was not that well trained.

[2501] He wasn't nearly in as good a shape as he is now.

[2502] He wasn't nearly as technical, didn't have nearly as good a training partners.

[2503] It was those fights, and in those fights, you know, Vanderlei fucking chased after him.

[2504] That was some pretty exciting shit.

[2505] Vanderlei slugged it out.

[2506] with him.

[2507] He really went after him.

[2508] And the Chuck Liddell fight, that's another one.

[2509] Chuck, especially the first one in Pride, they really slugged it out.

[2510] But it's hard to come out on top with Quentin like that.

[2511] He's just so powerful, man. Dudes get in brawls with him.

[2512] He just blasts them.

[2513] You've got to fight that guy smart.

[2514] Vanderlei got away with it, but Vanderlei was in his prime back then, and he caught Rampage when Rampage wasn't quite prepared.

[2515] He wasn't the same Rampage that he is now.

[2516] Rampage just has a lot of power.

[2517] So I think what Rashad did was a very smart thing.

[2518] I think he fought real good.

[2519] It was exciting.

[2520] I enjoyed the shit out of it.

[2521] The highlight to me, though, of the whole night was that Mike Russo -Todd Duffy fight.

[2522] Did you see that?

[2523] I haven't seen it.

[2524] Okay.

[2525] You've got to see that because it's the craziest fucking thing you'll ever see in your life.

[2526] You see a guy who's built like you.

[2527] He's got a gut.

[2528] I'm not being mean.

[2529] Dude.

[2530] He's built worse than you.

[2531] How about that?

[2532] You are more sexy than him.

[2533] How about that?

[2534] Feel better?

[2535] Anyway, this guy is getting his ass kicked by this Todd Duffy character who looks like he was made in a lab, like literally.

[2536] Just do me a favor and Google Mike Russo Todd Duffy KO.

[2537] You got to put a...

[2538] No, no, no. Duffy is D -U -F -F -E.

[2539] That's it.

[2540] There you go.

[2541] I know how Google works.

[2542] Yeah, but you clicked on the wrong link.

[2543] You just clicked on the wrong link.

[2544] You want me to do a video?

[2545] Yeah, you got to go with the video.

[2546] You got to see this because anyway, that's it right there.

[2547] It's the most ridiculous thing ever because no, that's not it.

[2548] That's the wrong one.

[2549] That's the first fight that Todd Duffy ever had.

[2550] No, those are all Todd Duffy, Tim Haig.

[2551] Anyway, not important.

[2552] Okay.

[2553] This guy is getting his ass kicked for three rounds, for two and a half rounds, and he's fat, and he's really out of shape, it looks like.

[2554] He's got this belly that hangs over his gut, and this Todd Duffy character looks like fucking G .I. Joe, man. He looks ridiculous.

[2555] He's got this square, iron -looking jaw.

[2556] His whole body is chiseled out of granite, and he's just...

[2557] teeing off on this Mike Russo guy.

[2558] It looks like the worst mismatch you've ever seen in a fight.

[2559] Old school UFC.

[2560] Old school.

[2561] Even worse.

[2562] Because they both have modern skills.

[2563] Just one of them is so much faster.

[2564] So much more athletic.

[2565] So this Todd Duffy is teeing off on Mike Russo.

[2566] Just fucking him up where you can't believe the shots Russo's taking.

[2567] This is just a matter of time.

[2568] And after getting his ass kicked for two fucking rounds, he goes into the third round out of nowhere.

[2569] catches Todd Duffy with one punch and flattens him out cold.

[2570] So this fat guy is getting his ass kicked for the entire fight and lands one shot and this Adonis, who looks like he could get hit in the head by a fucking meteor and he'd be fine.

[2571] He gets clipped with one shot and goes unconscious.

[2572] Arms behind his head and the whole place goes fucking insane.

[2573] People were standing up.

[2574] People were pissed because they weren't watching because it was getting boring because the one guy was just teeing off on the other guy.

[2575] Dude, the craziest shit I've ever seen in a thousand years of fighting.

[2576] A thousand fights, rather.

[2577] A thousand years.

[2578] How old am I?

[2579] A thousand fights over ten years.

[2580] The craziest shit I've seen by far was this knockout.

[2581] I'll have to find it.

[2582] You got to see it.

[2583] I think you need to see Check It Out with Dr. Steve Bruhl.

[2584] What is that?

[2585] It's a new show based off – or it's a spinoff of the Tim and Eric show.

[2586] It just started on Adult Swim.

[2587] It's every Sunday night at midnight, but check it out.

[2588] TiVo that.

[2589] It's only 15 minutes long, but it's so ridiculously awesome.

[2590] It's called Check It Out with Dr. Steve Bruhl.

[2591] Love it.

[2592] I'm looking it up for you.

[2593] So we should talk about the flashlight at the end too.

[2594] If you guys go to Fleshlight .com or go to Joe Rogan's website and click on the banner on the right side, they are our official sponsor of the podcast.

[2595] And if you click on their banner, you get 15 % off your order.

[2596] And I highly recommend getting some of that Fleshlight lotion or oil.

[2597] It's the best stuff even to use without a Fleshlight.

[2598] All right, here it is.

[2599] Look at this.

[2600] Fleshlight .com.

[2601] One punch.

[2602] This is the fight.

[2603] The other guy out of nowhere.

[2604] The other guy is a fucking monster, a destroyer.

[2605] The owner of the fastest KO in UFC history.

[2606] And this fat guy clips him with one punch.

[2607] Bang out of nowhere.

[2608] Boom.

[2609] That's it.

[2610] Out cold.

[2611] It was like he shut off.

[2612] It was crazy.

[2613] Fights, dude.

[2614] There's nothing more unpredictable than an MMA fight.

[2615] You could be watching a soccer game and a team could be getting fucked up for the entire, you know, most of the game.

[2616] A team can't come back in the final four seconds and win.

[2617] You know?

[2618] But in an MMA fight, you're always in danger.

[2619] You can always lose it.

[2620] A soccer match, they can get a basketball match.

[2621] You can get 50 points ahead and there's no way you can lose.

[2622] But in a fight, you could always lose.

[2623] It doesn't matter.

[2624] Accumulated scoring, you could be fucking somebody up for three rounds for four minutes and 50 seconds, and in the last 10 seconds, they punch you and you go to sleep and they win.

[2625] That's fucking nuts.

[2626] It's one of the reasons why it's so exciting.

[2627] It's also one of the reasons why we're never going to embrace soccer.

[2628] I embrace it.

[2629] Do you embrace it?

[2630] Yeah.

[2631] With my penis.

[2632] What's wrong with you?

[2633] Are you okay?

[2634] How funny would it be if the U .S. won the World Cup and nobody gave a fuck?

[2635] Who cares?

[2636] No one does give a fuck.

[2637] They do.

[2638] You're crazy.

[2639] In other countries, it's gigantic.

[2640] Okay, you're getting negative.

[2641] We're going to end the podcast.

[2642] I feel your blood sugar dropping.

[2643] I'm going to give you candy in the middle of the podcast now.

[2644] You're getting measurably less focused towards the end, son.

[2645] You need a candy bar.

[2646] Stun gun.

[2647] That was a good fight, too.

[2648] Nick Diaz.

[2649] All right.

[2650] There's a lot of...

[2651] Catch wrestling.

[2652] Yeah.

[2653] There's a lot of...

[2654] I need to bring Mrs. Rogan on.

[2655] Fuck you, faggot.

[2656] Get your own wife.

[2657] Just staring at my wife.

[2658] The...

[2659] I heard your wife's not doing Transformers 3 now.

[2660] Shut up, faggot.

[2661] You know I don't date actresses.

[2662] I have a no headshots policy.

[2663] Very strict.

[2664] You should, too.

[2665] We all should.

[2666] In life, everyone should have a no headshots policy.

[2667] Coming from the point of view of someone with a headshot, I guess I have one out there somewhere.

[2668] But anybody who wants to be in the entertainment business, who wants that kind of exorbitant amount of attention, you've got to be fucked up.

[2669] I'm fucked up.

[2670] Everybody else that's a comic is fucked up.

[2671] Every actor is fucked up.

[2672] Every singer is fucked up.

[2673] They're fucked up.

[2674] You're managing it.

[2675] You're trying to do your best with whatever fucked up energy you have.

[2676] But the only reason why you're doing it in the first place is because you're fucked up.

[2677] Wouldn't you agree?

[2678] Have you ever met a performer that's not fucked up in some way?

[2679] No, it's impossible, right?

[2680] That's the balance though, my friend.

[2681] That is the balance of life.

[2682] You have to have some sort of void in your life to be able to provide other people with this sort of entertainment joy.

[2683] That's the engine.

[2684] That's the motivation behind that shit.

[2685] Just like porn stars, you have to have a bad childhood if you want to let guys fuck you on camera, right?

[2686] There's got to be something wrong there, right?

[2687] Or you just totally love money.

[2688] I guess you've got to really love money.

[2689] I think there's a crazy balance to all life.

[2690] We've talked about this before, but it's like what we were talking about when we were talking about third world countries and idiots in America even.

[2691] You need a certain amount of unenlightened fools in this world to keep the world operating on the level that it's operating now.

[2692] You need a certain amount of people that live in places where it sucks, a certain amount of people that live in impoverished countries, and you need corporations to exploit them in order to keep this thing going the way it's going right now.

[2693] I'm not saying this is the only model that would function.

[2694] but this is the model that we currently operate under.

[2695] And in order to keep this model going, I think what's happening is exactly what has to happen.

[2696] It really does seem like the more you pay attention to life, that life is a program.

[2697] The more you look at it all and look at the temporary nature of it all and you realize that this really is some sort of a program we're following.

[2698] Don't you feel that all the time?

[2699] And it doesn't feel real, right?

[2700] It feels orchestrated.

[2701] Doesn't it?

[2702] I agree.

[2703] Oh, my God.

[2704] You're useless.

[2705] This is what I saw.

[2706] That's what made me. Why does I always talk about porn stars?

[2707] I guess because I'm always beaten off.

[2708] Because we love porn.

[2709] No, because I'm fascinated by that.

[2710] the world of it.

[2711] I'm fascinated by all unusual human behavior.

[2712] I'm fascinated by strippers.

[2713] I'm fascinated by fighters.

[2714] I'm fascinated by comedians, entertainers, performers.

[2715] All the outskirts of normal behavior, whether it's, I don't mean, none of it's bad.

[2716] It's all good.

[2717] I mean, we all fuck.

[2718] Who cares?

[2719] Fucking on camera.

[2720] There's nothing wrong with it.

[2721] We've all watched it.

[2722] We all benefit from it.

[2723] But to me, I'm always fascinated by extreme types of behavior.

[2724] You know, especially if they're not disturbing, if it's not negative.

[2725] Like, you know, we talked about the max hardcore thing.

[2726] Don't like that.

[2727] But I'm fascinated by all sorts of weird behavior.

[2728] I think it helps you understand your own, don't you?

[2729] I agree.

[2730] After fucking two hours, that's all Brian says.

[2731] Yep.

[2732] Yep.

[2733] I agree.

[2734] I'm like, listen, you faggot.

[2735] Well, I was thinking if I should even get into something because I don't want to go any longer.

[2736] You know what I mean?

[2737] It's kind of scary to get to a point where you're like, okay, we need to end this.

[2738] But if I bring something up with my talk for another 20 minutes.

[2739] I was ready to bail at any moment.

[2740] We're looking for a good moment to bail.

[2741] After two hours, we're looking for a good moment to bail.

[2742] But if you have something interesting to talk about, just talk about it.

[2743] Is there a proper way to – you know where you see porns where girls are giving blowjobs and you're choking or gagging?

[2744] Right.

[2745] Is there a proper way to do it and a not a proper way to do it?

[2746] Is there a secret to it?

[2747] No, I think it's the girl.

[2748] Some girls like that shit, dude.

[2749] They like you to stuff it in their mouth.

[2750] They like to choke.

[2751] It's weird.

[2752] I don't think there's a secret way to do it.

[2753] My mom is a total liar then.

[2754] Your mom told you something about porn?

[2755] What did she say, Brian?

[2756] Nothing.

[2757] Okay, Brian, now I know you're useless.

[2758] You were doing real good for about two hours there, fella.

[2759] And there's nothing else to talk about, ladies and gentlemen.

[2760] Give us another half an hour.

[2761] Listen, the last half an hour, it will suck, okay?

[2762] It'll be me talking to Brian and Brian checking his watch and looking at his text messages.

[2763] He's right, though.

[2764] You can't really do more than two hours and be interesting.

[2765] And I think we're not interesting right now.

[2766] I think this is the end of it.

[2767] Please stop doing that.

[2768] You got a penny?

[2769] Next week, I'm going to try to bring some other guests, maybe some comics, see if I can gather anybody.

[2770] Going to be at the improv this week, so I'll come by and see if I can grab somebody and bring some guys back here.

[2771] Make it interesting.

[2772] What are you saying?

[2773] I'm saying you get fucking tired, fella.

[2774] You're not thinking about the fact there's 1 ,200 people listening to this right now.

[2775] No. 10 ,000 are going to listen to it on Ustream.

[2776] And honestly, I'm thinking about pissing my pants right now.

[2777] Oh, really?

[2778] Why don't you go get up and take a leak, you fucking freak?

[2779] Because we're near the end.

[2780] All right.

[2781] You hanging in there?

[2782] Hanging tough?

[2783] You little kid.

[2784] But that's why he's so talented, ladies and gentlemen, because he thinks like a child.

[2785] We all have our place in this world, right, Brian?

[2786] That's right, Daddy.

[2787] All right.

[2788] Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

[2789] Thank you very much for tuning in.

[2790] We appreciate it, as always.

[2791] We will come back next week.

[2792] I don't have any gigs until a couple weeks.

[2793] I'm in Canada.

[2794] Go to JoeRogan .net.

[2795] You can see it all.

[2796] Next big gig in America is July 2nd in Vegas at the House of Blues.

[2797] So thank you very much for tuning in, everybody.

[2798] Love you, bitches.

[2799] Yeah, go buy one of those things and fuck it.