#755 - Daniele Bolelli

[0] I'm here with my brother Danieli Balele, one of the few men who can pull off a yin -yang bandana like some renegade biker on an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

[1] Look at that fucking thing.

[2] But you fucking bounce it out with a Frank Frisetta, Conan the Barbarian t -shirt.

[3] That shirt is the shit.

[4] Where'd you pick that up?

[5] Ah, man, I was looking all over the place for it and I found it through some...

[6] They probably had it from like some old comic book store million years ago, picking it up that's a dope shirt i might have to hide that one for my wife because she probably try to throw it out why i don't know you know how women are man come on this contains everything that's good in life maybe it's time to grow up maybe you shouldn't have a comic book guy on your shirt it's not a fucking comic book it's a it's a novel robertie howard it was series of novels it's about conan the barbarian people don't know that's like my entire life philosophy is based of colad the barbarian like everything else is commentary you can get in trouble for that kind of philosophy, sir.

[7] I don't understand.

[8] But Crom's a good God.

[9] Crom is an excellent God.

[10] Because he doesn't give a fuck.

[11] He's not here to help you?

[12] Nope.

[13] Not going to save you.

[14] No, it's very, that's the beauty of the current thing.

[15] It's very real.

[16] You know, it's like, hey, life is tough.

[17] Deal the fuck with it, because that's the way it's going to be.

[18] Yeah, there are horrible things that can happen.

[19] Yeah, there's no guarantees about the afterlife.

[20] Yeah, all of that.

[21] But, hey, in the meantime, there are women.

[22] There's red wine.

[23] There's enemies to be killed.

[24] What more do you want?

[25] Probably parasites, all sorts of weird diseases.

[26] Nobody's ever diagnosed yet.

[27] Yeah, that pirates is the less pleasant.

[28] You're lucky.

[29] You live to 30.

[30] It's kind of amazing when they keep finding these new species of people.

[31] You know, they've just, they had this article yesterday where they've examined the teeth of the Hobbit people on the island of Flores.

[32] And so now they're like 99 .9 % positive.

[33] It's 100%.

[34] Not 99 .9 % positive.

[35] it's 100%, but 99 .9 % positive that it's a completely different species of human being.

[36] They found the teeth of these things.

[37] And you've got to think, like, that's only like 14 ,000 years ago.

[38] Yeah.

[39] You know?

[40] And we don't even remember those things.

[41] They've sort of become like this weird little legend.

[42] Like how many different versions of people were out there?

[43] And what a hard, scrabble life it must have been.

[44] Yeah.

[45] Extinction is the name of the game.

[46] I mean, when you think about it, like the overwhelming majority of people, pieces that have ever been around they've all gone extinct yeah more than 90 % right yep so it's uh yeah it's uh that's my point yeah conan is the truth yeah with with bare claws around his neck yep that's a fucking awesome picture yeah that's why i have it in my house as a poster i'm mildly obsessed you may i have a bunch of his old books for zeta's old books like sketchbooks and books that are collections of his paintings and god that kind of art that he did was just so indicative of that time.

[47] It's like so 1970s fantasy art you know.

[48] Those days, man. You know what?

[49] No one has really captured it correctly in a movie.

[50] They just have not done it right.

[51] You didn't think the first one?

[52] Nah.

[53] No?

[54] It was fun.

[55] It was campy.

[56] But it was more like the comic book than it was like the books.

[57] I think Jason Momoa was the best version of Conan physically.

[58] Sure.

[59] He looked.

[60] Just the screenwriting was...

[61] Dog shit.

[62] That movie was dog shit.

[63] But that guy is awesome.

[64] I love that Jason Mamoa.

[65] Oh, he's great.

[66] In Game of Thrones, he was kick -ass.

[67] He seemed like the most likely Conan.

[68] He might have to get him on the Jews, though.

[69] Well, there's that, too.

[70] I might have to get him on some fucking heavy -duty powerlifting program.

[71] Where he has ripped, too.

[72] Yeah, he's got to look a little more yoked because Conan was just supposedly ridiculously impressive as a person.

[73] Yeah.

[74] And in fact, when they put Arnold as the first one, that's kind of a high, that sets the bar pretty damn high right away.

[75] But Arnold was built incorrectly.

[76] He had all these unnecessary muscles, like big titty muscles.

[77] Like, you know, you need a guy who's built more like Yoel Romero, like a barbarian, Yowel Romero with a sword.

[78] Basically me. I was going to say that, but you're here and I want you to feel embarrassed.

[79] It's okay.

[80] It's okay.

[81] I can accept compliment.

[82] It's fine.

[83] So tell me about your book, man, Not Afraid on Fear, Heartbreak, Raising a Baby Girl and Cage Fighting.

[84] That's an unusual combination of things.

[85] That's what makes it interesting.

[86] No, I mean, to me, this was, all the stuff I've written so far was kind of more philosophical in nature.

[87] This is a bit more personal.

[88] This is very much my life.

[89] It's sort of divided up in three parts.

[90] The first part is about dealing with fear in martial arts.

[91] And it's kind of like my experience of constantly testing the boundaries, getting crushed, try again, find a way to make it deal with that scaring feeling of when you have somebody coming at you who has been training for the last few years and want to take your head off.

[92] And you're like, shit, this is a little intimidating.

[93] There's all the pressure, people watching you.

[94] The idea of getting physically, if you fuck up, you're getting physically dominated by another man, which is never a fun feeling.

[95] That kind of shit.

[96] And so that's that part.

[97] But then to me, that part just serves as a springboard for the other stuff, which is, well, that's great when you're on the mat, when you're in the cage for that stuff.

[98] But what about the rest of life?

[99] And in this case, you know, part two deals with what happened with my wife, you know, very quick, get a little sick and all of a sudden what the fuck is going on, your body starts falling apart, diagnosed with brain tumor, dead within six months from the time the first symptom came up.

[100] I was really quick, really harsh, and all the stuff that you may imagine with that.

[101] And then the part three sort of, okay, now what?

[102] You know, what do I do with it now?

[103] And life afterwards when my wife died, my daughter was 19 months old.

[104] All this shit was happening, as you may imagine.

[105] And so it's like in some way that these three elements kind of go together.

[106] It's like the martial art part was sort of a warm up in terms of learning some things that then I would have to apply on a match bigger, more important scale in day -to -day life, and then, you know, when shit it's the fan, and then afterwards how that changes my attitude about things, my life overall.

[107] And, you know, when I was talking with publishers, originally they wanted a nice, pretty arc where you start out as this scared whim, and then you discover the secrets, and then you come back and you're this fearless guy who will go through life without fear.

[108] And that's bullshit.

[109] I mean, it's, I like to sell it that way.

[110] That would sound cool.

[111] But I'm not.

[112] not in the business of bullshit in myself or anybody else.

[113] So it's not the seven steps to get rid of fear.

[114] It's not that stuff.

[115] It's, because to me, my experience of dealing with fear is a fucking constant battle.

[116] You know, it's like you wake up, you wake up one day and maybe you learn to deal with it 0 .01 % better and that's a win.

[117] And then the next day it hits you again and you have to deal with it again.

[118] And like for me in particular, what afterwards would happen is the reality of realizing that everything is fleeting, everything can be taken away from you, everything you care about can go in the snap of a finger.

[119] That really freak me out, you know, that it's one thing to know it intellectually is one thing when it hits home for real.

[120] And so once in a while, you know, I'll have my days when I'm totally fine.

[121] I feel strong.

[122] I feel great.

[123] And then all of a sudden will hit me when the paralyzing thought of man, everybody I love.

[124] love will die.

[125] I have limited control of what's going to happen in my life.

[126] Everything I care about can be taken away from me in a second.

[127] Shit, welcome to your day.

[128] Now, deal with the next 24 hours.

[129] It's like, it's heavy.

[130] And so dealing with that aspect, finding ways to, and you know, and then I find a way to do it.

[131] And then a month later, will hit you again.

[132] And maybe because you found a way to do it before, it hit you a little less.

[133] But don't you think that's everybody?

[134] I mean, there's no one.

[135] There's a false narrative that someone's figured out how to get rid of fear.

[136] It doesn't exist.

[137] If you have no fear that means that you're not experiencing any danger or anything unknown and somehow or another you're immortal.

[138] Because if you think about the consequences of death, you're going to get nervous.

[139] You're going to get afraid.

[140] If you're taking any sort of risks or chances, you're going to get nervous.

[141] It's part of being a person.

[142] It's part of what's fun about getting things done and succeeding is knowing all the mental roadblocks that are in place to keep you from being successful.

[143] Big time.

[144] And that's why completely agree with you.

[145] They affect everybody.

[146] So to me, this is just, you know, this is my experience, but it's like it's not that I have an illusion that, A, I'm fighting battles that are unknown to other people.

[147] Because the reality is that everybody has shit to deal with in their life, you know?

[148] Everybody has horrible things happen to them.

[149] Everybody, and, you know, horrible may vary from one person to the next.

[150] You may be slightly luckier than the next guy, but the reality is that everybody deal with it.

[151] So the question of how do you deal with it, what are the things that help you get the job done and which ones?

[152] That's one of the great things about martial arts is that dealing with the fear and the pressure and stress of training, it helps mitigate some of the pressures and stresses of everyday life.

[153] That's exactly.

[154] That's why, you know, when I went to some publishers initially, they were like, ah, you know, hold your wife, life after, we got that part, but what the fact does martial art have to do with it?

[155] I'm like, and it says everything to do with it, you know, because those are the same dynamics, but I get to train them in a safe space in martial art contest, and then you apply them to the real game on the bigger scale in life.

[156] And it's a controlled space in terms of it's going to happen at 8 .30 on Tuesday night.

[157] You get in there.

[158] You know, it's like you can prepare for it, you eat for it.

[159] You make sure you have your meal digested in your stomach before you get there.

[160] You have a cup of coffee before you get to the gym.

[161] You stretch out, you prepare yourself, and then you go through it.

[162] But in doing that, it definitely helps.

[163] You know, I've had so many Twitter messages in Facebook.

[164] messages and people that I meet after shows that told me that they started jiu -jitsu after listening to this podcast and it changed their life and that it helps them so much and deal with pressure and now in pursuing a healthy lifestyle like even guys like anthony bourdain who was in his 50s I believe he was 58 when he started jujitsu 58 57 or 58 he was a lifetime smoker heroin user, like pretty much abused everything, alcohol, everything.

[165] Now is way more healthy.

[166] He's off, I talked to him off statins, off of high blood pressure medication, lost 30 pounds just from training, eats healthy, still likes to party it up a little bit.

[167] He's smoking a little weed and get a little booze on.

[168] But the guy looks great.

[169] He looks great and he's obsessed with Jiu -Jitsu and he loves it and it sort of transformed his life.

[170] You know, his wife is a phenom.

[171] I saw.

[172] Octavism.

[173] She's a beast.

[174] She trains every day.

[175] She's essentially, I mean, that's her life.

[176] Her life is training.

[177] She loves it.

[178] And it just got him.

[179] It got him.

[180] She said that she talked him into doing it by promising him narcotics.

[181] Which is one of the most hilarious stories ever.

[182] She said, like, if you come to train with me, I'll give you some Vicodin.

[183] I was like, I'll cook you.

[184] I'm in.

[185] Nice.

[186] Well, he's one of the few guys that has been like a self -professed junkie.

[187] but was not only able to kick it, but, you know, still will get high, still drink, and obviously doesn't have a problem.

[188] Right.

[189] It's very healthy.

[190] It doesn't do anything when he's at home.

[191] You know, when he's on the road, and, you know, he's filming his show, and the filming's done, he'll, you know, have a few drinks or even while filming, you know.

[192] But it's not like he's got a problem.

[193] He definitely doesn't have a problem.

[194] I've hung out with him.

[195] He's healthy.

[196] Hey, that's as good as he gets, then you got your party without paying the thrice.

[197] But it's amazing because everybody has this idea, or most people that are in, recovery that you can't do anything right there's very few people i know that will do something like i know a few guys who had alcohol problems will smoke a little pot but uh or you know do little mushrooms every now and then or something like that but he's one of those guys that he'll he'll do everything other than the heroin you know well i mean if you can that i think is everybody's psychology's different some people once they open the door a tiny bit right can tell it's like then i need to open it all the way i can't stop then if you know you're that kind of person yeah then don't open it a tiny bit then you shouldn't but if you are not then what the hell is wrong with enjoying a little bit if you can you really I think depends person to person some people can do that other people have to go cold turkey or they can't yeah that's definite that's definitely true it's it's just cool to see someone do something positive always is because it gives you like inspiration is a real fuel for human beings when you see your friends or someone you know that you like and they're doing something that's really transforming them and helping them it fires you up too yeah i'm like the biggest wimp every time i see you're the cheesiest inspirational video i start crying like a baby i'm like that it's so moving it's like every single time you know i'm like that too i'm such a bitch i'm such a bitch i don't cry over sad shit that much though it's weird like my cat died i didn't cry i knew i've had her for 19 years i didn't cry i felt bad right i felt sad but i you know i felt like well she lived a great life and she was a cool cat but um it's not like uh something cool happens something cool happens i'm like wow you know yeah i have the same thing that it's like i think crom would kick us out of valhalla we would be like come on you cry for that what a bitch where does crom hang out he's not in valhalla does he have another he has a different place right i forget where it is not sure they mix it up a little so their cosmologies a little they play it loose but yeah i don't remember what crom where crom hung out The core is probably severe human hands.

[198] Some guy was giving me a hard time on Twitter the other day.

[199] And just for a goof, like, his spelling was so atrocious.

[200] I was like, oh, my God, what is this guy into?

[201] Like, I love it when people get mad at me over it.

[202] It was like a Ted Cruz post that he got mad at me over.

[203] So I went to his Twitter page.

[204] And I was just reading these posts about him looking up into the heavens, wondering what, you know, what God is like living.

[205] in the clouds like this motherfucker serious like dude we could you could drive a fucking plane through the clouds asshole all right there's nothing up there okay that shit was back when people didn't have planes that now that we have planes you can't say that god's right up there man in the clouds no no no fucking southwest is up there they're going right through the clouds with a jet they're giving out free peanuts if you look real careful while you're eating your peanuts you may see dog got ducking trying to avoid the planes.

[206] God damn it.

[207] These Ted Cruz motherfuckers are scary.

[208] They got a little victory into their belt in Iowa, and they're doubling down on the Bible readings.

[209] That's scary to me. Oh, that fucking guy.

[210] Democratic Party sucks, but the Republican Party has gone so far off the deep end that is just downright nuts.

[211] Well, did you ever see that?

[212] I tweeted a quote the other day from Barry Goldwater, where Barry Goldwater, back in the 50s, it recognized that there was an issue with preachers and ministers and getting involved in the Republican Party that they would ruin it.

[213] I know, that's the scary thing is that you go back 50 years to the guys who were considered not cases back in the day and they would be considered moderate centrist today.

[214] They would be like, oh, Barry Goldwater, what a reasonable voice, you know, is like...

[215] Well, he was the one that was warning against it.

[216] Right.

[217] No, exactly.

[218] That's what I mean.

[219] He had some positions that were a bit on the extreme man, but he also had a bunch of others that were very, very reasonable that were in big sense, you know?

[220] And today he would be seen as a fucking liberal I'll look at that guy.

[221] Yeah.

[222] It's, uh, this is, these are strange times where it's the most, it's kind of strange because this is the most advanced, uh, as far as our ability to access information, it's never been like this before.

[223] And as far as our ability to access studies and find out the actual real scientific facts about certain things.

[224] But this is like, it's more important now to profess a love or a belief in God when you're for president, I think than ever, than ever, you have to say it.

[225] Like, everybody has to say it.

[226] Yeah, there's never been once a guy who could just skirt the question and not discuss it.

[227] You have to go in and say, do you believe what I believe or not?

[228] Exactly.

[229] Do you believe what I believe?

[230] Because I'm about to give you a vote.

[231] I want to make sure.

[232] Like, whoa.

[233] I try to stay away from all the political discussions because there's no point.

[234] Within about 0 .1 second, it becomes, fuck you, fuck you.

[235] And it's just, there's not even a, there's not even, like, I get it.

[236] If we disagree, there's controversy.

[237] Okay, that can be fun.

[238] That can be interesting.

[239] Hell, we can even learn for some stuff from each other.

[240] But that's not even that point.

[241] It's just pure, crazy extremist insults back and forth.

[242] And I'm like, this is my all -time favorite election, all time, because it's the stupidest.

[243] Yeah, this is the shittiest choices, the least inspired candidates.

[244] This is the best one for me. This is the best.

[245] That's the, the Karnarly thing.

[246] He had a whole show.

[247] going on about how happy he was that Donald Trump was in the race for entertainment factor.

[248] And also because he was saying, he was making a good point because he said, look, like in the primaries, for example, in the Republican primaries, the game is you have to go zero point one millimeter more conservative than the next guy to win the primaries.

[249] But you don't want to go too far because otherwise you lose the general election.

[250] And you have Trump who steps in and it goes like 20 yards past everybody else.

[251] And so everybody else is like, shit, if I don't follow him, I lose the primary.

[252] But if I follow him, I'm done in the general.

[253] So it's, And what do you, so that was having a blast with that.

[254] He was laughing.

[255] I need to.

[256] Which episode is that?

[257] He's a common sense episode.

[258] I can't.

[259] Maybe after the first Republican debate, that's what it was.

[260] Oh, God, I got to go listen to that.

[261] It's true.

[262] I mean, that's the way it is.

[263] Well, Donald Trump has nothing to lose.

[264] Yeah.

[265] Like, I don't think he really wants to be president.

[266] I really don't think he does.

[267] And I think that's why he's so outrageous.

[268] Right.

[269] But I think along the way, he's kind of fucked himself because this is what people have been asking for.

[270] people for the longest time have wanted someone believe him or don't believe him agree with him or don't agree with him he's speaking his mind right what he's saying he's saying because he doesn't give a fuck there's no feel there whatsoever he's talking about mexicans well someone's doing the raping yeah like what the fuck this guy's running for president it's and he's talking about putting a wall up like some fucking berlin wall up between us and mexico like holy shit man that seems the reason doesn't it fuck ways we're gonna let let over the rapists yeah well someone's doing the raping someone's doing the raping yeah Jesus Christ I don't half of the things you read you can't even you can check like he's maybe an onion side or it's hard to keep track of which was which was are the bullshit because they are so similar that's the problem that you can tell the difference there was one where they ask him something about what does it take to make America great again and he ran through this whole speech where he's clearly not answered it you know he's running around just throwing words out that are nothing to do with the question and then he tends with him going like oh look at the guy with the red hat please stand up that's an awesome hat and like completely distract like I'm gonna leave this question because I don't want to deal with it look at the guy with the red has to end up that's an awesome yeah well he's a good media man yeah he's very good at he's been doing interviews for years and he's also been on that reality show for a long time you got fired from it while running for this, you know, election because of the inflammatory stuff he said about Mexicans.

[271] No, it's, but I agree with you.

[272] This is entertaining.

[273] It passed the point of being said to the point that it's entertaining.

[274] That's why I would dig a general election Trump against Sanders because at that point it's just so wild and weird that it's enjoyable.

[275] If you get, you know, the professional guys where like they measure every single statement, you know, the Hillary Clinton is, it's boring.

[276] You can write already every single speech, you know already what's going to happen.

[277] With some of these guys, you have no idea what the hell is going to come out of their mouth.

[278] It makes it for, hey, at least I get to watch something that doesn't put me to sleep there.

[279] Well, you want to talk about what put me to sleep.

[280] Hillary Clinton puts me to sleep.

[281] God, there is nothing inspiring about what she's saying.

[282] Nothing inspiring about her presence or her speeches.

[283] But I think my daughter, my seven -year -old daughter said it best.

[284] She goes, I would vote for her because she's a girl.

[285] That's a lot of people feel like that.

[286] I know, I know, I know.

[287] You're like, fuck it.

[288] We had a black man. Let's have a white girl.

[289] Right.

[290] But it's like maybe you can pick somebody.

[291] Okay, sure, you want that.

[292] Pick somebody better.

[293] Jesus.

[294] Who's better?

[295] Elizabeth Warren?

[296] No, I know.

[297] She's not in anymore, right?

[298] She dropped out.

[299] But when she was running, they found out that she wasn't really Native American.

[300] She tried to fake that she was a scholarship or something for that?

[301] I think that's what it was.

[302] Fuck.

[303] The drama of the whole.

[304] He can't fake.

[305] That's one thing.

[306] you can't fake.

[307] You can fake like your one -eighth Swedish.

[308] They won't give you a hard time about it.

[309] But if you say you're one -eighth Native American, it turns out, no, that's fucking, Native American is like noble and mystical and you have like magic fucking eagle power so you can hear like a wolf.

[310] Isn't that trippina?

[311] If you watch all the pre -1960s movies, they were all like bad Indians who come in to sculpt you and chop your head off.

[312] Why?

[313] Because they're Indians.

[314] What the fuck knows?

[315] Why?

[316] It's like the dragon in the story, right?

[317] Post -1960s is all's hug the furry creatures of the forest, have visions.

[318] You know what it was?

[319] It was that guy in the commercial that cried when he saw the garbage on the ground.

[320] That's what it was.

[321] And incidentally, that guy, too, was not India.

[322] It was Italian.

[323] How fucked up is that?

[324] That guy in that commercial where the Indians cry in because white men are littering.

[325] But we, from the 60s on, we've sort of associated Native Americans like spiritual things.

[326] Like dream catchers and, yeah, this guy.

[327] That guy is a guinea.

[328] He's from fucking in the same island as me. Look at him.

[329] In his canoe, he's seeing that.

[330] Pick it up, you fuck.

[331] You're driving right past it.

[332] You don't have to just look at it, dude.

[333] Throw it away.

[334] Jesus Christ.

[335] Give a hoot.

[336] Don't pollute, but, you know, give it down.

[337] Pick that shit up.

[338] Those commercials, man. And he would pull up in his stupid, fucking buffalo skin canoe and cry.

[339] Yeah, that was new.

[340] Look that.

[341] The guy's so Italian.

[342] He could be on the Sopranos.

[343] I know.

[344] They made him wear a wig and shit.

[345] Yeah.

[346] People are throwing things out the window right at his feet.

[347] And he cries.

[348] Oh, he's trying.

[349] Crom would banish you from Vahala.

[350] Don't cry.

[351] Do something about it, bitch.

[352] Keep America beautiful.

[353] Yeah, well, he definitely shouldn't be, like, hanging out by the highway either.

[354] Yeah, that doesn't tell.

[355] Just standing there with his moccasins on and shit.

[356] Yeah, but Native Americans from, like, that point on, where they're associated with like sweat lodges and peyote ceremonies and spiritual things and you know we have these ideas there's a lot of people they have these ideas of Native Americans that they lived off the land and they used every last piece of the animal and they had a spiritual connection to their surroundings which you know a lot of is true there's a lot of truth in that but that's the problem with all stereotypes right you take something that's partially true and then you blow it up to make it the entirety of the experience and then you turn with The caricature that is, you know, at that point, is very far from the real deal.

[357] Well, my friend Stephen Ronella, the host of the meat eater, has the best stories of Native Americans.

[358] He has a deep knowledge of the history of Native Americans, and he's got some fantastic stories about the Nez Perce.

[359] First of all, they were fucking cannibals, all right?

[360] That was super common to not only attack neighboring tribes, but to eat them.

[361] Eat their babies, eat their family.

[362] Yeah, eat them.

[363] Really?

[364] Yeah, there's a lot of cannibalism going on in the Old West, especially apparently amongst the Great Lakes area in the Great Lakes area?

[365] Yeah, that's that for sure.

[366] Why is that?

[367] Is it just because the climate is harsh?

[368] No, different people.

[369] You know, it's kind of like the culture.

[370] In fact, that's why it's hard to generalize with these things.

[371] Among Native stuff is so much difference.

[372] You know, the guys from the Great Lakes have nothing to do with the guys from the planes.

[373] Of course.

[374] So each one is, but yeah, Great Lake stuff is pretty intense.

[375] The part that I dig the most about that is on you would go out to get.

[376] captives.

[377] You know, you go on a war raid, you get captives.

[378] And once you get captured, you have one of two options.

[379] If they like you, then they adopt you as a family member.

[380] You replace one of their dead family members and you get treated that way.

[381] You are loved, you're brought in.

[382] They don't like you so much.

[383] Then they torture you to death over a four -day period.

[384] So there's, it's, yeah, both things can happen.

[385] It's kind of a flip of a coin there, which I guess if you're Hillary Clinton is a good thing, but for everybody else, not so much.

[386] Yeah, he told me the story of this one guy who got captured.

[387] There was two guys captured.

[388] One guy, they killed him, killed him in front of his friend, and then they told him, I think they might have ate him in front of his friend, too.

[389] They killed him, and then they told him, we're going to take off all your clothes, and we're going to let you run.

[390] And if you can get away, you can live.

[391] And so this motherfucker ran like the wind, jumped in the freezing cold river and hid in a beaver dam.

[392] He got smart enough to climb up into a beaver dam, which, by the way, is a risk in a fucking half.

[393] Because what if you climb in there and the beaver's in there?

[394] That beaver's going to fuck you up.

[395] People have died from beavers before.

[396] If beaver bites your artery, beat your bite you.

[397] I mean, they chew through a tree.

[398] They'll fuck you up.

[399] And this guy, he fucking made it.

[400] And he walked for days and some ungodly amount of miles.

[401] Naked, by the way, freezing cold, lived off of whatever he'd grab and stuff in his mouth and eat.

[402] Yep.

[403] And managed to survive some crazy way and lived to tell the story.

[404] No, in fact, some of the, that's what I dig, like, for history on fire, those kind of stories that are so, like, it's like, come on, the screenwriter from Game of Thrones wrote that, right?

[405] It can be real.

[406] And then you dig it, and he's like, no, there's real, and there's wars, and it's more intense than anything you could imagine.

[407] Isn't the Revenant?

[408] Isn't that based on a real story?

[409] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[410] It's, yeah, that dude is, that guy has a brilliant tale.

[411] They kind of tailored it a little bit.

[412] You know, there was no Indian son.

[413] There was none of that part.

[414] Oh, really?

[415] It's always an Indian.

[416] I know.

[417] You want to sell it to white people?

[418] You gotta throw an Indian in there.

[419] The damn, like they being in the Black Hills area, hunting, and then the Grizzly fucking him up, there's two guys leaving him for dead and taking off even with his rifle.

[420] That's all true.

[421] But, yeah, they tweak it a little bit.

[422] Somebody needs to write a movie about that Sue Aiken's lady that lives up in Alaska, because that lady got, she's the one who's on that show Life Below Zero.

[423] I heard about it, I can say.

[424] She lives 200 miles plus above the Arctic Circle in this place called Cavic.

[425] She was one of my guests in the podcast.

[426] She's amazing.

[427] Amazing.

[428] I mean, she is as fucking gangster as a human being can get by just being awesome, just so cool.

[429] He's a really nice, intelligent woman.

[430] She's just, like, so powerful.

[431] Anyway, she was up there, and she got attacked by a bear and fucked up, man, like real bad.

[432] Like, broke her hip, I think.

[433] Broke her leg.

[434] Fucked her head up.

[435] I think it cracked her skull.

[436] Like, serious, serious injuries.

[437] She survived.

[438] She crawled back to her dwelling.

[439] She doesn't even live in a house because where she lives, you're not allowed to put permanent residences.

[440] So they're like tent things that are up there.

[441] Wow.

[442] Yeah, they're made out of cloth.

[443] These like weird sort of buildings with like wire structures and thick canvas tops.

[444] She was there for days before someone, she owns like a refueling station up there.

[445] Someone flew in.

[446] They found her.

[447] They brought her to medical help and patched her up, fixed her up.

[448] She heals up, goes back, shoots that bear, and eats it.

[449] That's the way you want to do it.

[450] That bitch is gangster as fuck.

[451] You imagine eating a bear just cutting into the, yeah, you motherfucker.

[452] Not so cocky now, bitch.

[453] That's a badass revenge tale.

[454] Fuck yeah, that way you want to do it.

[455] Fuck yeah, man. So to her watching the ravenant, he's like, yeah, that's Tuesday morning, whatever.

[456] Come on, pussy.

[457] I mean, it's amazing.

[458] I mean, anybody would live in a cloth tent north of the Arctic.

[459] I mean, that weimahaw would be proud, right?

[460] And she's a grandma.

[461] Yeah, of course.

[462] It's like pinch the grandkids' kids after eating the bear's heart.

[463] Jesus Christ, she's crazy.

[464] Yeah.

[465] But that's what she enjoys.

[466] She enjoys living out there in the wilderness with the wolves and the foxes and the bears and the caribou.

[467] She loves it.

[468] She loves going out and shooting her meals and bringing them home and cutting it and does all the butchering, all the food she gets.

[469] She gets from the land around her.

[470] She's just a wild.

[471] It's just like the life she loves.

[472] She found it and she's smart, man. Like, she could do a lot of shit.

[473] She's not an unresourcedable person who's trapped up there.

[474] She just really truly enjoys it.

[475] That's a choice of a fascinating person, just absolutely fascinating person.

[476] She's one of my favorite all -time guests.

[477] I need to go back.

[478] Next to Danieli Bolletti.

[479] Of course.

[480] I need to go back and catch that one.

[481] I think I saw he was there and I didn't catch it.

[482] I need to listen again.

[483] She's amazing.

[484] I'll weep myself or have him missed it.

[485] I would like to go up there and hang out with her.

[486] Yeah, she sounds awesome.

[487] I would have to go up there in the winter, though.

[488] Otherwise, it'd be a pussy.

[489] You can't go up there.

[490] Hey, it's came in to see how hard it is in July.

[491] But I bet it's cold as fucking July, too.

[492] Yeah, exactly.

[493] But I think what is the time of year where you go to see the Aurora Borealis, the northern lights?

[494] I haven't been, I don't know.

[495] I think that is a summer thing.

[496] Is that a summer thing or is that an all -year -round thing?

[497] No idea.

[498] I don't know either, but that would be worth traveling just to see.

[499] That's supposed to be insane.

[500] Yeah, that's beautiful.

[501] Like the whole skies filled with like a green mist.

[502] Either that or you can stay in L .A. and take mushrooms and you got the same effect.

[503] Yeah, that's better, right?

[504] Yeah.

[505] It's better.

[506] You don't have to be in Alaska.

[507] The bear and the snow and just...

[508] Do you ever been in Alaska?

[509] No, never.

[510] You know what's crazy about it, man?

[511] is how big it is yeah when you fly over it you go like Jesus Christ and you look at it on a map you're like what the fuck that place is I think it's the biggest state is it is it yeah yeah really yeah by far Jamie says yeah I think it's like almost two texas seriously then they do some really shitty job with maps find out how many texas is fit in alaska oh they do a shitty job with maps does not look like two times Texas well have you ever seen how big Africa really is like when people talk about Africa I think people get this idea that Africa, the continent of Africa is similar to the continent of North America, but it's not even close.

[512] Look at this.

[513] Whoa, Jesus Christ, twice the size of Texas.

[514] Yeah, that is huge.

[515] God damn.

[516] Alaska is larger than all but 18 sovereign countries.

[517] Holy shit.

[518] Look how big it is when you put it in the middle of America.

[519] Freaky.

[520] Fucking A, man. God, it's huge.

[521] And it's so lightly populated.

[522] It's amazing.

[523] I fucking love it.

[524] I fucking love it.

[525] love it up there.

[526] I got to get back.

[527] When was it the last time?

[528] Two years ago, Ari Shafir and I did Anchorage.

[529] We did a comedy show up there and went salmon fishing.

[530] Saw my first moose ever.

[531] Saw some eagles for the first time.

[532] That was awesome.

[533] Eagles are awesome, man. Yeah, you told me that they were pretty intense.

[534] Oh, they're so strange.

[535] It's so strange.

[536] When you look in a wild eagle in the eye, you know, even though it's kind of far away, they don't want you get that close to them.

[537] But when you're passing by, we were on a boat and we're passing by these trees and there's an eagle up in the tree and you're like whoa what the fuck are big fucking animals that's for sure they don't get hunted by people either so they're not afraid of people but you know they're not stupid either but that place is a legitimately wild place in that when you get out of your car uh you have to run to where you're going are you going are you going to get sworn by mosquitoes that bad yeah that's what i heard about that's the part that i didn't like about alaska when i heard them like oh it sound awesome and then i heard about the level of, like, how intensity is mosquito -wise?

[538] I was like, shit, okay, but...

[539] Ari and I were laughing.

[540] We couldn't even believe it.

[541] Like, this is ridiculous.

[542] Like, I'm not kidding.

[543] Like, open up the car door, um, put your boots on, and just the time it takes to open the door and get your boots on, the car is filled with mosquitoes, like hundreds of mosquitoes.

[544] Like a swarm.

[545] They find you instantly.

[546] What's about the climate there that attracts mosquitoes so much?

[547] I think they're just fucking desperado, because they know they're only going to be alive.

[548] for a month, you know, that's what I think.

[549] And there's like three humans to bite and so there's, gotcha.

[550] I think, I mean, they bite other animals, right?

[551] Yeah, definitely.

[552] So I just don't think that they have much time.

[553] I think they only stay alive for a short period of time.

[554] So while they're at it, they're at it.

[555] So they are berserkered, more mosquitoes, just going for it.

[556] And, well, yeah, that's a scary fucking complex.

[557] Yeah, more so than Florida.

[558] You would think, like, Florida mosquitoes would be the most rabid.

[559] That's how you figure.

[560] Tropical place.

[561] Lots of humidity, all of that.

[562] They're like Florida people, though.

[563] They're fat and lazy.

[564] Just taking it easy.

[565] He's like, ah, there'll be another tourist.

[566] I can get that one.

[567] I don't have to chase this one.

[568] Yeah.

[569] Florida has its own problems, though, man. Florida is, it's so funny, they're doing a big python hunt now.

[570] Are they?

[571] Because so many people have released pythons in Florida that they've bred and overbred.

[572] They have like a gigantic python invasion problem to the point where they're offering rewards for people to kill pythons the headlines that come out of Florida are one of the things that are a constant source of entertainment because you get things they're like again this must be the only right it's too fucking crazy then you check it it's like no that was real that really happened yeah there's a great twitter page called florida man it's just filled every day there's some new crazy shit some guy tried to do while huff and paint and fucking his dog What did I read?

[573] What was the last thing?

[574] It was a prison colony.

[575] This guy was rob in a house and I think the owners came back.

[576] So the guy took off and they were looking for him with flashlight.

[577] So he dove in this pond right outside.

[578] Alligator.

[579] Exactly.

[580] They promptly ate him.

[581] Yeah, I've heard that before.

[582] There was another one recently real similar where they were chasing this guy in a stolen car.

[583] The guy gets to a bridge, jumps off the bridge and immediately gets jacked by an alligator.

[584] Like literally jumped on an alligator.

[585] It's like, good timing.

[586] Good job, man. But you've got to be fucking crazy to jump in the water with those things, man. If you've seen an alligator, they're scared of beasts.

[587] They're big -ass fucking dinosaurs.

[588] They're not as dangerous as Nile crocodiles, which coincidentally have also been released in the Evergrades.

[589] They have a shoot -on -site, kill -on -site order.

[590] If anybody sees a Nile crocodile, you're supposed to kill them on -site because they've started to breed in the Everglades.

[591] So you're talking about those 18 -10.

[592] 20 -foot -long, gigantic African crocodiles that take out wildebeests.

[593] Yeah.

[594] They live in Florida, too.

[595] Yeah, that's a rough state.

[596] It's funny, man, because all the tree -huggers are like, don't kill the pythons, it's not their fault.

[597] Like, okay.

[598] You know how big pythons get, you crazy bitch?

[599] They're going to eat your family.

[600] They'll eat babies.

[601] They eat people.

[602] Fuck, man. It's Florida.

[603] The joys of nature.

[604] I've been watching Narcos.

[605] Oh, yeah.

[606] How is it?

[607] I heard all of seeing.

[608] about it so good I'm sad because there's only two episodes left and I don't know if they're doing a second season I don't know if they can I mean I think Pablo Escobar gets caught I think that's the end of that unless it goes on further I don't know though I wasn't totally aware of the entire story of Escobar I just knew that he was a drug dealer and I knew fuck man no those guys don't mess around it's so well done too this show's so well done Yeah.

[609] No, that's on my watch list because I heard that it's every single person I took with told me it's awesome.

[610] It's one of the greatest ones.

[611] It's insane.

[612] He went to war.

[613] I mean, I don't want to tell anybody anything about it because it, but it's it's fucking shocking.

[614] And it builds up really well.

[615] Like it really builds up well from the early days of his drug dealer, just finding out about drugs to the end.

[616] Well, that's what's funny about it, that people got all like, oh, the criminal, the mafia.

[617] When you look at it, you look at it.

[618] like mafia stories, they are identical to the history of any state, of any nation.

[619] You know, it's just the dynamics are, you know, one is a suit and tie, the other one is with a K -47, but other than that, the basic things are, it's a struggle for power.

[620] It's a game of fuck over your enemies, cheat the other one who can get you, do what you can to expand your, it's the same story over and over, whether you talk about Alexander the Great or Pablo Escobar is not that different, really.

[621] No, it's not.

[622] The specifics are slightly different but the big picture is not it's a struggle for power end of story and it seems like when you get to the really high levels of finance and of you know volume and of the amount of troops and the amount of people that you're controlling the area control that's when the real atrocities kick in like you almost it's almost universal that horrific acts get done to intimidate your enemy and to make sure that you retain control over certain certain you know areas.

[623] Yeah, it's one of the thing where it's like, in that sense, human history is really kind of fucked up and weird when you, if you approach it through a moral lens, because you see so many nasty things take place.

[624] And the weird ones are the ones where there really is no good solution, where you don't know what the healthy thing would be.

[625] Like, there's one that I was researching for a history on fire, maybe a year from now or something.

[626] I was researching this story from the 1980s in El Salvador.

[627] At that time, there was a right -wing.

[628] government in El Salvador that the US government was supporting.

[629] And there was a leftist guerrilla.

[630] There was, in the logic of the Cold War, there are only two options.

[631] Either pro -communist or you are pro -U

[632].S. There's nothing in