#613 - Ms. Pat

[0] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan Park!

[2] Fresh off of Ari Shafir's Comedy Central show, this is not happening.

[3] It's Miss Pat again.

[4] Welcome back.

[5] Thank you for having me back.

[6] Thanks for coming back again.

[7] And I'm sorry to hear that a bunch of people were fucking with you online the last time that you were on here.

[8] A bunch of people have contacted you.

[9] You made the crucial mistake of paying attention now.

[10] Can't pay attention to those people.

[11] Well, you know, I used to fight back in the day.

[12] So if you say something about me, I'm like, well, meet me at the gay coffee shop so I can whoop your ass.

[13] The gay coffee shop?

[14] Yeah.

[15] What's the gay coffee shop?

[16] Starbucks.

[17] Why is Starbucks the gay coffee shop?

[18] Because usually all the white dudes got on dockers and shit.

[19] Dockers are gay?

[20] I don't date guys and do you?

[21] Well, I don't date guys.

[22] But if I did, I probably wouldn't have a problem with dockers.

[23] Well, I'm used to jeans.

[24] You know, bag of jeans.

[25] I'm black, okay?

[26] Okay.

[27] What are dockers exactly?

[28] Like a type of pants?

[29] Yeah.

[30] The type of shoes.

[31] What they keep, no. I think of them as like boat shoes.

[32] Yeah, they keep the big wallet in their back pocket.

[33] Okay.

[34] And that's not good.

[35] I don't, I don't know.

[36] I mean, I'm just saying.

[37] I don't date those types of guys.

[38] Do you date types of dudes who, like, have their pants sagging?

[39] No, I've been married for 23 years.

[40] No. But, I mean, if you did.

[41] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You wouldn't do that.

[42] Does that gay, too?

[43] Yeah, that's gay, too.

[44] And raggedy -looking.

[45] and very inappropriate.

[46] I mean, if something break out, you can't run, right?

[47] Exactly.

[48] Yeah.

[49] That's a confusing thing to me that that pants sagging thing has lasted so long.

[50] I'm so confused about that.

[51] No, what's confusing to me is that the young girls think is cute.

[52] Do they think it's cute?

[53] Yes, I mean, my niece live with me, and she love them.

[54] They got to have their pants sagging.

[55] Really?

[56] The farther down, the cuter they look.

[57] Really?

[58] Yes.

[59] They get excited by that.

[60] My niece do.

[61] To me, that represents you don't have a job, and you're stupid, and you look.

[62] crazy and you're an asshole i got a son and he's 28 and i was like don't fucking let your pants sag sun you know you can you can barely get by now pull your fucking pants up but he's not bad with it he's not bad with his pan yeah well he's kind of fat so he ain't got no ass so his pants is kind of sag on their own he ain't trying to be cool that's how joey dyes is joey d's pants are always falling down so much so at one point in time he started wearing suspenders Yeah, so sometime I think my son might need him Joy, I didn't say that shit, he did He did, he was wearing fucking suspenders Look what I got, dog I'm done with his fucking pants falling out bullshit Yeah, he started wearing, but he didn't last He didn't last with suspenders Exactly He didn't want to accept the fact that he was a dude that wore suspenders You know, that's a very particular type of dude That wears suspenders Yeah, old guys, who golf Who golf?

[63] Yes You got a bunch of categories The gay coffee shop It's because there's white dudes and dockers.

[64] Old guys who golf, that's who are suspenders.

[65] Yes.

[66] Unemployed black men make the best sex.

[67] Yeah, you said they have the most delicious dick.

[68] I didn't say delicious.

[69] That's what you said.

[70] Well, you're delicious, delicious.

[71] That is what you said.

[72] That's exactly what you said.

[73] That's a difference between when a person is employed and unemployed, how good the sex is.

[74] Really?

[75] I think so.

[76] I really do.

[77] I think a person who has a 9 to 5 don't have time to really.

[78] really throw you against the wall that night because he got to go to work in the morning versus a dude who don't do shit during the day who can watch Jerry Springer with you and y 'all can just practice on getting better and better and better.

[79] So dudes who work too much don't have the energy to fuck correctly?

[80] I think so.

[81] Don't you think so about a woman who fuck a lot, don't?

[82] Well, yeah, I would imagine that women that work all day are exhausted.

[83] But I think anybody works all day is fucking exhausted.

[84] That's why I say, unemployed dick is the best.

[85] That's dick.

[86] You got a point.

[87] I guess.

[88] I know what I'm talking about because I've had both.

[89] I bet.

[90] I've had both.

[91] It does make sense.

[92] Well, you can only put so much time into one thing, you know, like without, you know, if you want to have another side thing that you do.

[93] I mean, that's what sex really is if you really stop and look at it.

[94] I mean, it's something else.

[95] It's an activity, right?

[96] You can't really get good at that activity unless you, if you work in 12 hours a day.

[97] Yes, exactly, right?

[98] Yeah, like, it's like being a comedian.

[99] with a job you're never going to succeed until you quit your job it's true yeah like everything else fighters have that same issue um athletes of all sports you know if you try to work a day job and then do something else at night it's much more difficult to do it is you don't have all of the energy that you really need to put into it into slinging that good day you need to take a long nap eat at a leisurely pace yes relax and then think about how you're going to sling it.

[100] Yeah, I don't have a dick.

[101] I'm just saying from experiences, I don't imagine.

[102] But if you have met an unemployed dude and you're like, oh, he's unemployed, I bet he's slinging some good dick, but he's wearing dockers.

[103] That's it.

[104] It's over.

[105] It's a deal breaker.

[106] It might be a deal breaker, Joe.

[107] It might be a deal breaker.

[108] I don't know too many brothers that walk around in dockers.

[109] Dudes don't give a fuck what girls wear.

[110] Girls can wear flip -flops.

[111] You can wear dockers.

[112] If you're hot, you're hot.

[113] A girl with big tip.

[114] and dockers you're like yeah all right whatever who cares and especially once you get once you married and being with somebody for a long time they really don't care then they really don't care i think i think as the we don't i'm i've been married with 20 some years and i don't care my underwear has a match since middle school what you mean your underwear hasn't matched your bra match yeah bra bottom guys don't give a fuck i mean do you really care if if you know if a woman come to bed with matching underwear some women really get into that i'm like i don't give a fuck if the The panties got a seat.

[115] I'm cool.

[116] I keep my shit to the seat fall out.

[117] If a dude cares about that, there's probably some other issues going on.

[118] For guys, like, that specific.

[119] He wants to wear him.

[120] You think so?

[121] He wants to wear him?

[122] Yeah.

[123] Oh, he's one of those guys.

[124] I don't know.

[125] I've never had a dude that would have on my panties.

[126] Usually, I'm bigger than my men, so they can't wear my panties in a damn way.

[127] If they put on my panties, it's going to be like a jumpsuit.

[128] What would you do if you came home and a dude was trying on your panties?

[129] If you came home, like, if you came home, like, you came home early and a dude had your shoes on and your pants and he was putting your panties on and i will probably slap the shit out of him what if he's like miss pat like you got to understand like it's not that i'm not a man if he's my man yeah it's like oh i'll beat these shit out of him but what if he's like miss pat it's not that i'm not a man it's just this excites me no no i'm excited by you no motherfucker not where my pants are you get your nasty dick out my panties i kill you what if he orders his own we say okay okay okay okay but are you cool with me me ordering my own.

[130] I'm going to order a pair that fits me. No, that's like dating a dude with long hair.

[131] You've ever seen a dude who hair is better than his girlfriend?

[132] That's some bullshit.

[133] I'm not dating a guy with better hair than me. I'm not doing that.

[134] You're not putting no fucking ball dust in my panties.

[135] But what if he gets his own pants?

[136] He gets his own.

[137] Don't you think a dude who want women panties are gay?

[138] I try to be open -minded.

[139] I try to be open -minded, too.

[140] I am open -minded.

[141] I am open -minded.

[142] Get your ass out of here.

[143] There's a lot of men who even have, like, go through sex changes that's still like women.

[144] They become lesbians.

[145] I heard that.

[146] My daughter tell you know, my daughter is gay.

[147] Right.

[148] So a lot of her girlfriends are getting their, well, not girlfriends, a lot of her gay colleagues.

[149] I don't know what she call them.

[150] Colleagues.

[151] I don't know.

[152] I don't fucking know what she call them the ones they hang out with.

[153] They're getting their breasts cut off right.

[154] And some of them getting their vagina.

[155] their clitorious or clitoris or you know the little shit down that a man in the boat stretched longer so it could be a penis and my daughter just tell me this shit because I'd be nosy I was like why is your friend getting their teethers cut off then so she tell me how they're trying to form them a penis but I'm like isn't it little so what's the purpose of closing being doing it to your vagina or making your thing longer when you still got to use a dildo I guess I don't give for who you are you don't want no small penis Hmm, I agree.

[156] Yeah.

[157] Yeah.

[158] Well, I know that your dick, or your clit, rather, becomes larger if they take testosterone.

[159] Like, when you give a woman testosterone like this, that's always that thing that men freak out.

[160] If they date a female bodybuilder, they have a clit like a thumb.

[161] Yeah, I don't know.

[162] It's not like a dick, but it's like a thumb.

[163] You know what I'm saying?

[164] Like, it never really...

[165] Is it hard?

[166] I think it gets pretty hard.

[167] I don't know.

[168] I've never...

[169] I can't really say.

[170] I've never really been down there.

[171] but I've seen pictures online and it looks like a tiny dick like a thumb -sized dick what would you do if you're about to touch somebody down there and they shit feel like a tiny dick I would go would choke the shit out of me and ask you to tell me about that I would ask them if you're going to tell me about that like what's going on down there so you'll be that calm you wouldn't jump up and say hey is that a penis or somebody need to look out for I would be upset if it was a guy that was dressed up like a woman and didn't let me know I'd be upset That's rude That's rude That's rude That's rude That's beyond rude You go that name And eat the vagina And that thing Slip in your mouth That's a dick Well if it But it depends Is it an oversized clit Or is it a dick Like if it's a dick Like if you got a Y chromosome If you're a dude And you're trying to pretend That you're a woman And you're not letting anybody know That you're actually dude That's rude That's rude That's rude That's rude But if you're a woman And you just have a weird clit like some people have weird fingers you know yeah some people have long noses some people are crazy long noses right somebody's got to have a long clit i don't i don't know my click is i don't know about my click i haven't seen your click your click your clit whatever's down there i don't really hug and know so yeah i was um on this tv show once and uh i had this friend who was working with and her uh boyfriend at the time before she met him had this issue what are you doing I told you put that fucking thing down you're messing around with your goddamn phone oh that's all right I told you get here I'm doing that right there so tell me about your friend she was telling me that her boyfriend had went on a date with this lady they got home they started fooling around he took her pants off and she had a clip like a pinky and he freaked the fuck out and he that's pretty long He came up with some story.

[172] He said, oh, my God, I realized I have to pick my brother up at the airport.

[173] Just ran out the door.

[174] Can you imagine a click like a pinky?

[175] A click.

[176] That bitch, when she pulled off her panties, it just fell on the bed.

[177] Like a soft penis.

[178] I guess, allegedly.

[179] I mean, I don't, you know, that's what he said, that it was like a pinky.

[180] But, like, who's pinky?

[181] You know what I'm saying?

[182] Like, everybody's pinky.

[183] Like, is it like Shaquille O 'Neal's pinky?

[184] Oh, that's huge That's a dick That's not a pinky Or is it like Little Lester's pinky You know It's like everybody's got a different Size pinky So Oh yeah The little guy from What's the little movie named The little midget dude Would be holding up his pinky Oh yeah MiniMe Now you can deal with that click That's pretty small That's normal Maybe That's pretty small It depends Because who really Know the size They're supposed to be Like you said They come in all shapes and size.

[185] But what if you're sucking on it and it comes?

[186] I don't suck them, but we can call my daughter on three -way, and she tells me. She seems to love them.

[187] Oh, boy.

[188] Do you guys talk about that?

[189] You know, my daughter is, you know, she don't look gay.

[190] She's the girl in a relationship.

[191] But sometimes she forget that everybody ain't gay around her.

[192] So, like, I bought her a cell phone because she broke her phone.

[193] So she called me. And, you know, I'm very open -minded with my kids because I had them at 14.

[194] 15.

[195] So, you know, I grew up, they respect me. I'm mama.

[196] But, you know, we kind of open -minded.

[197] She called me like, oh, thank you for the phone.

[198] Mama, I could eat you.

[199] I was like, bitch.

[200] I'm your mama.

[201] Don't say that.

[202] Oh, my goodness.

[203] I can eat you.

[204] But it was like in a joking form, you know.

[205] Because I might call and say, hey, can you get the, can you get the vagina out your mouth?

[206] I need to talk to you.

[207] Because we open -minded like that.

[208] I mean, I don't, I don't want to see or do it.

[209] I try to block it.

[210] it out, you know, because my daughter looks so much like me, and I'd be like, oh, can you please stop kissing these chicks with my face?

[211] I don't want to imagine what she's doing with my face, but I can guarantee my face been on a lot of crunchy vaginas.

[212] Crunchy.

[213] Why crunchy?

[214] Because black hair is crunching down there when you don't want it.

[215] Oh, I understand.

[216] You never slept with a black woman?

[217] Yes.

[218] So you know it's crunch.

[219] You remember you did the joke about the lotion?

[220] No, that wasn't you.

[221] What lotion?

[222] That wasn't you.

[223] I'm fucking up.

[224] We're on white this.

[225] We're all looking the same.

[226] No, you don't.

[227] Bill Burr Joe.

[228] Bill Burr had a juggle about lotion.

[229] Dating a black girl, if you put no cocoa butter, I damn near piss myself.

[230] Especially like when we get ready to have sex because cocoa butter make our skin so soft.

[231] So you get the, you put the cocoa butter all over you.

[232] It makes you extra soft.

[233] So when he's rubbing on you, it just, ooh.

[234] And it really works for fat girls because you know, we've got dimples in our ass.

[235] So it makes you kind of, go over the humps in your ass.

[236] That's a fat bitch secret.

[237] You didn't know that.

[238] I didn't know that.

[239] You never got drunk and woke up next to a fat chick.

[240] Not all the cocoa buttered up.

[241] Oh, that's right.

[242] She was the wrong color.

[243] She got to be black to be cocoa butter up.

[244] Only black girls use cocoa butter?

[245] White girls don't use cocoa butter?

[246] I don't have white girlfriend, so I don't know.

[247] Do your girls you cocoa butter?

[248] Black people love cocoa butter.

[249] What is it?

[250] What about cocoa butter?

[251] How did that get a foothold in the black market?

[252] I have no idea.

[253] I don't know.

[254] we got to talk to my ancestor, but it's good for removing scars.

[255] It is?

[256] That's what they say.

[257] They say when you get pregnant, you're supposed to rub it on your stomach, but I've had four kids, and my stomach's still fucked up.

[258] So I don't stand by that product.

[259] Yeah, I've heard that before.

[260] I did hear that before, that like, cocoa butter for pregnant women, reduces the risk of stretch marks, right?

[261] Yes.

[262] Yeah, it doesn't work?

[263] No, it didn't work for me. See, I talked to a doctor about that, and he said it's all bullshit.

[264] He said it's completely genetic.

[265] He said some people, they just stretch out and snap back like a rubber band and nothing happened.

[266] And other people, they can gain like a girl.

[267] I dated a girl who gained like 10 pounds, not much.

[268] And she had these bear claw marks on her ass.

[269] It was crazy.

[270] Yeah, so she got attacked.

[271] But it was insane.

[272] It didn't even make any sense.

[273] Like, how did your ass get so fucked up from 10 pounds?

[274] My niece is probably 120 pounds.

[275] And she had two kids.

[276] So her stomach got really big, but it went completely full.

[277] flat after the baby but her stomach's so fucking wrinkled and she can't afford no tummy tuck so she went out and put this gigantic tattoo of a tiger and whether the scratch marks that she just got the tiger scratching herself I said bitch that is a ghetto stomach lift right down because you have to really get close to know that her stomach is wrinkled because whoever did the tattoo hooked it up that's hilarious yes Brian Redband shows up hey how's going hey fellow i brought you some nuts i don't want nuts uh this guy comedian makes these really good like nuts that are it's kind of like nature box okay that's like the next saracu cash is right there and i was like dude you need to sell these you can make a lot of money so ain't no drugs in amazing no there's no drugs but they're good i might be on parole you never know don't eat them on the head right you come through the microphone oh that's right so do you have a picture this tattoo no i don't have a picture i got you got to get a picture that yeah but i was like why would you do that?

[278] Why don't you put that gigantic?

[279] Because she's only like a hundred and something pound.

[280] And when she wear like tank top and it's a big ass tiger.

[281] But whoever did it really hooked it up?

[282] Because everywhere to scratch tomorrow's at what your stomach is fucked up, the tiger just scratching the shit.

[283] Do you know her still?

[284] Yeah, I talk to my niece every day.

[285] We call it.

[286] Text her.

[287] Tell her to send a picture.

[288] I need to see a picture of that.

[289] Okay.

[290] We need a picture of that.

[291] Let me text her and ask you, send me a picture of her tank.

[292] Yeah, that sounds hilarious.

[293] We're talking.

[294] She's 120 pounds.

[295] She had a kid.

[296] got all fucked up and stretched out her stomach snapped back but she has stretch marks so she got a tiger tattooed on her stomach oh that's perfect with claws just ripping apart the stretch marks hey think about it's way cheaper than getting the stomach tucks are brutal too if you if you get your skin cut off like that like there's a strong chance of infection like people don't think of your skin as an organ but it's actually an organ your skin isn't just you know tissue it's an organ like it absorbs sunlight I lose weight I'm gonna get my titty lift and my stomach tucked and my neck pulled back you could do it i mean i know people have done it it does work i'm not saying that i'm just saying it is it's a serious procedure i know you do know i don't have to wait i'm working on it what are you doing i'm walking walking that's it what else you want me to do god damn watch what you eat you got to watch what you eat i do you just poured two fucking buckets of sugar into that fucking coffee Why are you fucking up?

[297] Well, how the fuck I'm supposed to drink my coffee?

[298] I just, I only been doing this shit a little while.

[299] How long is a little while?

[300] I started in late December, what January.

[301] Have you lost any weight yet?

[302] Like 13 pounds, you can't tell.

[303] That's all right.

[304] Listen, that's pretty good.

[305] 13 pounds, that's actually good to do it slowly like that.

[306] 13 pounds over a couple months, you know?

[307] Well, I had a personal trainer, but this dude was wearing me. out.

[308] That's what happens.

[309] That's how you're getting shaved.

[310] I know.

[311] Too much?

[312] When you leave there in your vagina muscles, and you're pissing on yourself in the exercise?

[313] Yes.

[314] I was like, you just can't lift my legs like that, sir.

[315] And thank you just to take my shit all the way open like that.

[316] You got my vagina doing shit.

[317] It did since the 7th grade.

[318] Put my goddamn legs to him.

[319] So I quit.

[320] That does happen to women who have had a bunch of babies, though.

[321] They didn't have a hard time maintaining the urine.

[322] Like sometimes.

[323] Well, if you fucking pulling muscles that you ain't used in a while, of course you're going to piss on yourself.

[324] But that's the only way to get in shape.

[325] You've got to push your body.

[326] I know, I'm pushing my body, but I'm like, dude.

[327] Too much?

[328] Not, I don't know.

[329] I just quit.

[330] And I just quit.

[331] Yes.

[332] How long did you do for?

[333] A month?

[334] He did it for a whole month.

[335] A whole month.

[336] And then you just woke up one day and just give me those fucking Doritos.

[337] I ain't ain't no fucking Doritos.

[338] You don't eat Doritos?

[339] Yeah, I eat Doritos.

[340] You do?

[341] You're confusing me. You're sending Ms. Max, mixed messages.

[342] I eat Doritos, but I haven't eaten any Doritos.

[343] Oh, I see.

[344] Because I'm trying to lose weight.

[345] Right.

[346] I quit from him because I kept fucking peeing on myself, not peeing on myself, working, you know, I wanted to take a break.

[347] You were just leaking a little.

[348] Fuck you, I understand what you're saying.

[349] Why don't you just get some, you know, pants that are designed to keep moisture in?

[350] Oh, they call a panting lot.

[351] Yeah, yeah.

[352] I keep them.

[353] They like a credit card.

[354] Credit card?

[355] With no limit.

[356] What?

[357] The fuck?

[358] I don't think you buy anything with penny liners.

[359] No. You should probably talk to other people that are giving you financial advice.

[360] It's just fucking not going to work out.

[361] No, penny liners are like visa cards for women over 40.

[362] You don't leave home without them.

[363] Oh, I understand.

[364] Yes.

[365] They're very important.

[366] You know how you grab your wallet before you walk out of the house?

[367] Yes.

[368] Most women make sure they have only pantiliner.

[369] Really?

[370] Yeah.

[371] Most women?

[372] I don't know, but I do I didn't know that most I know when they're having their period or they suspect No, we use panting line honestly All jokes aside to keep the seat of your panties From looking different colors, I think Oh, to keep it from staining Yes, but I don't get a fuck about the bottom of my panties You don't No, that's what it's that for, the cat shit It's like an awful net It's a click eyelash Click eyelashes I like that You're so fun Joe you know I gotta tell you I used to be scared of you right Why?

[373] I don't know you got that Tough persona And see I know you do that MFC MFC My freak hands No what the shit you be doing You know the karate shit You be doing Knocking people to fuck out And so I was kind of a little intimidating You walk around your chest All big and shit You know Nice chest Nice bodies You look You look tough And I was like Oh I'm scared out of this dude.

[374] Then I get in here the first time.

[375] I was like, he's cool as fuck.

[376] I wanted to kiss you the first time I was still.

[377] You can kiss me. No, not today.

[378] Not today.

[379] Back then you wanted to kiss me with too many panty letter talk.

[380] It's too fucked up.

[381] Did she send you the picture of the tiger tattoo?

[382] No, I'm trying to get her.

[383] I just got to her phone number.

[384] What is the deal with panting liners?

[385] Because I've never seen them on a girl before.

[386] And then recently, this young girl had them.

[387] And she's like, oh, no, I wear them every day.

[388] Everybody, keep you fresh down there.

[389] They come with, they come with, uh, deodorized, you know, Deodorizer.

[390] Yes, deodorizer.

[391] It's like a frieze in your underwear.

[392] Some girls smell...

[393] Some girls' panties smell good.

[394] Like, their pussy smells good.

[395] That's what you think.

[396] That's what I think.

[397] Yeah, you don't know the trick behind getting them panties to smell like that.

[398] Getting their vagina smell good?

[399] Oh, vagina got an odor.

[400] Do you agree?

[401] All?

[402] I don't...

[403] There's a very limited study group.

[404] What?

[405] I mean, how many...

[406] Look, there's fucking 7 billion people on the planet.

[407] 3 .9 billion women.

[408] Uh -oh, don't do that.

[409] Don't do that with me. I'm telling you about real pussy.

[410] I'm not talking my...

[411] Real pussy.

[412] What you read.

[413] Real pussy.

[414] Yeah, real pussy come with an odor.

[415] Well, yeah.

[416] I'm sure that it comes in an odor, but not a bad odor.

[417] No, no, it's just a natural odor.

[418] Natural odor.

[419] You know, like, the ocean, you know how the ocean smell when you stick your nose to one of those seashells, you know.

[420] Fishing?

[421] Fishy.

[422] Fuck you.

[423] All vagina got older.

[424] I mean, I odor.

[425] Right.

[426] No matter how much you watch it, no matter.

[427] Well, yeah, things, wood smells.

[428] Wood has a smell.

[429] Yeah.

[430] a smell.

[431] Yeah.

[432] So you're not talking about like a stench.

[433] No, not.

[434] If it's a stench, it's an indication of something wrong with it.

[435] Right.

[436] Yeah.

[437] You know what's fucked up about yeast infections?

[438] A lot of yeast infections, not all of them, obviously.

[439] They come from a girl having sex with more than one guy, which is crazy.

[440] Like, what a weird thing that like if you have sex with one guy, like that guys come in your vagina is okay.

[441] But if two different guys come, it gets in your vagina, it becomes a yeast infection.

[442] I don't know about that.

[443] But they're dangerous.

[444] They hurt.

[445] They hurt.

[446] My friend used to, I used to have a friend right.

[447] I still talk to...

[448] I mean, yeast infections hurt.

[449] Yeah, they itch like a motherfucker.

[450] It's like crabs.

[451] You've had crabs?

[452] Nope.

[453] Oh, God.

[454] You've had them?

[455] Yes.

[456] And they bite.

[457] They bite.

[458] I'm sure.

[459] But with a yeast infection, it's on the inside.

[460] So you got, uh, uh, trying to rub it.

[461] It's really, you would, if it's, if it get really bad, you could really probably scratch the skin out the inside if you don't go get it treated.

[462] You know, that's a funny thing that people are not worried about saving as an organism that no one worries about saving is crabs because crabs are on the verge of extinction because people are shaving their pubic hairs.

[463] That's a real issue today.

[464] There's very few crabs left in the world in the wild.

[465] I agree.

[466] No, but it used to be...

[467] No, I'm serious.

[468] It used to be a big thing.

[469] Like back in the 70s, fucking everybody had crabs.

[470] Why?

[471] Because they all had goddamn shrubbery growing in their underwear.

[472] They had huge bushes.

[473] is nobody trimmed their pussy.

[474] Nobody trimmed their dick.

[475] It was just a chaos down there.

[476] So two people would have sex, and it would be like two jungles.

[477] Well, somebody had to put the crabs there.

[478] What do you mean?

[479] Somebody had to go get the crabs and put them there for them to mingle in the jungle.

[480] They just didn't go and say, hey, this is my dick today and jump on it.

[481] Well, that's the case with every disease.

[482] Every disease had to start with one person, right?

[483] Allegedly.

[484] And a lot of them start with wildlife.

[485] And a lot of them start with, like, today's diseases, big, big, poor.

[486] of today's disease started with agriculture.

[487] Like a lot of chickens, diseases come from livestock, a lot of diseases come from pigs, swine flu, famous flu.

[488] I'm talking about veneer disease.

[489] Well, I mean, any disease.

[490] Any disease, diseases, I mean, it's all really the same thing.

[491] If you think about it, they all have to start with a person.

[492] The difference between venereal diseases is sexually transmitted.

[493] But you could transmit venereal diseases through blood too if you figured out a way to get someone's blood inside of you it's just whatever the disease is getting it from one person and one person it had to have an original host it's fucked up right a lot of them come from like when you see factory farms like livestock farms and bird farms so that's where a lot of diseases come from they morph because there's a giant population of animals living their own shit you know so what make you think crabs is on the verge of extension there's articles written about it.

[494] The instances of genital crabs have drastically reduced since, uh, the implementation of pornographic visual vagina trimming and penis trimming.

[495] Oh, wow.

[496] Yeah, because people shave their pussies and dickens me. Not you.

[497] Let it wild.

[498] 100 %.

[499] Mine's got an afro pick in it.

[500] I like to see you later.

[501] God damn.

[502] I mean, to me, shaving your vagina is for young girls.

[503] You know what I'm saying?

[504] At a certain point, time, it's over.

[505] Well, I do, but I don't do it at my house because I don't want to clean it up.

[506] So I wait until I'm at a hotel on the road.

[507] Oh, no. So when you're on the road, then you start burning down the house?

[508] That shit is hard.

[509] You know, I got black hair.

[510] That shit curl up on your walls.

[511] It's hard to get out on you.

[512] You've seen the Jerry Curl stuck on the wall before, Joe?

[513] I have not seen Jerry Carroll stuck on the wall.

[514] Well, I mean, you know, go out and, you know, I'm serious.

[515] This shit stick to the wall.

[516] wall.

[517] So I wait till I'm on the road and let somebody else clean it up.

[518] So when you're on the road, though, you do trim it up.

[519] Every night and then.

[520] You got a text.

[521] Is that the picture?

[522] I'm trying to see that.

[523] Is that her?

[524] Yeah.

[525] Did she send her?

[526] No. No?

[527] No, not yet.

[528] She worked at night.

[529] All right, put that phone down.

[530] Okay.

[531] Flip that shit over.

[532] Flip it over, too?

[533] Okay.

[534] She's got one of those things.

[535] She can't help it.

[536] She's got Neil Brennan disease.

[537] You start fucking with your phone every five seconds.

[538] So do you shave your wiener?

[539] My dick doesn't get hearing, but the lid does.

[540] I say the top.

[541] Her top does.

[542] Oh, the top?

[543] Yeah, I shaved my balls and above the dick, but the dick itself does not be able to.

[544] Not around the trunk of it?

[545] It doesn't get that at all.

[546] Not really.

[547] I get a couple raggedy hairs, but it's really the top area that you have to be concerned with.

[548] Well, I'm over 40, so hair is good when you're over 40 because when the wind go between your leg, you warm.

[549] The wind goes between your legs.

[550] Well, we don't go between my leg and my thighs are together, but I'm just saying.

[551] It whistles.

[552] So when you get to Like any sort of a windy intersection You're more protected because of Well, I live in the Midwest So you shouldn't shave it to keep it warm down there I see Well girls would always say that they would put Like they put on their winter 20 Is that what it's called?

[553] Girls would put on weight for the winter I'm like this just you're just fucking lazy I'm still I don't even know what the fuck to say I've never heard that before The winter 20?

[554] You never heard that?

[555] that?

[556] No, I never heard that.

[557] For some gals like to get real thin in the summer, so they look sexy.

[558] And you know, wear a little cute outfits.

[559] And then the winter comes along, they go, all right, it's time to fatten up for the fucking snow.

[560] Oh, okay.

[561] Yeah.

[562] I never heard that before?

[563] I wish I can get thin for the summer.

[564] I'm working on it.

[565] So when you say you're working on it, though, like...

[566] I walk every day, Joe.

[567] Right.

[568] And I do a little weights and a little bicycle.

[569] I'm doing about an hour and a half a day.

[570] about five days a week when I'm home I went this morning oh yeah yes what you do this morning I walked for 45 minutes and rode the bike for 20 and I did 20 jumping jacks oh that's good yes that's good stuff I think so do you watch what you eat yeah watch it go right in your mouth I ate strawberries and an omelet this morning oh that's good so you're healthy I'm trying I'm trying it's hard when you're on the road and you get longed and you get a bucket of ice cream and call your husband and he don't have some ice cream I don't eat ice cream you don't so what I'm saying I just like food I mean you who doesn't food's great I mean when I'm by myself and I can afford more so I go out to fancy a restaurant because I don't have my fucking kids there in my ear you know I don't have to say hey if I'm gonna buy this steak for me I gotta buy you one too I'm by my fucking self so I go out and I splurge right yeah I see so Sometimes.

[571] I got a bad habit of spending.

[572] A bad habit of spending?

[573] Yeah, I like to do shit.

[574] You know, like go eat and shopping.

[575] I get bored.

[576] You mean when you're on the road?

[577] Yeah.

[578] Home too.

[579] How often home too?

[580] Mm -hmm.

[581] I'm on the road about three times a month, three weekends a month.

[582] Three weekends a month?

[583] That's a lot.

[584] Yeah, that's a lot.

[585] You live in Indianapolis, right?

[586] Indianapolis.

[587] Do you work out in Indianapolis?

[588] Like your material?

[589] That's where you do your stuff?

[590] Yes.

[591] A little bit.

[592] A little bit?

[593] Yeah.

[594] I drive down to Kentucky, too, because the people who owns Morty's, they also own the club in Kentucky.

[595] So I drive.

[596] How far does that drive?

[597] Hour and a half.

[598] Oh, that's not bad.

[599] I didn't know that Indianapolis was only an hour and a half from Kentucky.

[600] Louisville.

[601] Really?

[602] Indianapolis and Louisville, only hour and a half away.

[603] Yeah, he just left there.

[604] Hmm.

[605] Who was you with Tiffany and who else?

[606] Tiffany Addish and Tony Hinchcliff, I think.

[607] No, it was Delray.

[608] Yeah, it was him.

[609] Dean Jerry.

[610] Yeah.

[611] So, but that's why I work on my material.

[612] That's nice, though, that you're working three weekends a month.

[613] That's nice.

[614] It's getting better.

[615] You know, the podcast world have really been supportive.

[616] I went to Chicago after I did yours, and all of these fit fuckers from a gym came out.

[617] I was like, holy fuck.

[618] I can tell the different people from the different podcast.

[619] Your people are always in fucking shape.

[620] Well, that's good.

[621] Yeah.

[622] And they're just so motivated.

[623] They be like, oh, Miss Pat, you can do it.

[624] I'm like, go fuck yourself again.

[625] So they're trying to give you help?

[626] Yeah, I mean, the fans are pretty, the ones who stay with me, you know, those are the ones that really like you, fuck everybody else.

[627] Right.

[628] You know.

[629] Well, I guarantee you we can get you a trainer in Indianapolis that won't make you pee yourself.

[630] Really?

[631] Yeah.

[632] For free?

[633] We'll find somebody.

[634] For free?

[635] Why is everything got to be free?

[636] Don't you make money?

[637] I'm a Democrat.

[638] For free?

[639] For free?

[640] For free?

[641] You said it like three times.

[642] For free?

[643] Why for free?

[644] You just said you work.

[645] I do work.

[646] No, fuckers.

[647] How expensive.

[648] Oh, how expensive can they be?

[649] They cost money.

[650] You're headlining.

[651] Yeah, but I got it.

[652] You're doing well.

[653] I know you're doing well.

[654] I hear.

[655] I hear things.

[656] What the fuck you hear that I hear?

[657] I hear you doing well.

[658] I hear you selling tickets.

[659] I hear people coming to see you.

[660] They love you.

[661] People are coming and see me. Thank you so very much.

[662] Joe.

[663] Can you just say, hey, y 'all sponsor me, Pat, and I give you a shout out on my show.

[664] Why my show?

[665] What about you?

[666] Give them a shout out on Twitter.

[667] That's all you have to.

[668] do?

[669] Oh, really?

[670] I'll give you a shout out if you want to train me and I don't have to pee on myself.

[671] Just two months.

[672] You come to my house.

[673] If someone can prove to you that they can get you in shape, where you start paying them then?

[674] Yeah.

[675] Then you'll pay them.

[676] The last guy was getting me in shape.

[677] And you were paying him.

[678] Yeah, the thing is, you got to knock on my door and make me come out.

[679] You got to knock on your door.

[680] You got to wake you up?

[681] No. Does he have to feed you?

[682] Does it to put your shoes on?

[683] I'm working on it, okay, Joe.

[684] God damn, you sound like a stepdad.

[685] Well, I'm just trying to find out where your line is.

[686] I'm trying to find out where your line is.

[687] I'm a little lazy, but I'm working on it.

[688] So someone just has to kind of get you to do it.

[689] You know what?

[690] I get started, and then I don't see no results.

[691] Like, I have a problem where I would get on the scale every fucking day.

[692] And he was like, stay the fuck off that scale.

[693] Because, you know, you drink water.

[694] That's water weight.

[695] And I was like, I spent all this fucking time at the gym, and I didn't lose shit.

[696] Well, you can't just lose weight instantaneously?

[697] I mean, I know, but I'm an ex -drug dealer, so everything was fast in my life.

[698] Right.

[699] And I like shit to be fast in my life.

[700] Right, but it wasn't fast to get big.

[701] You got to get well the same way you got sick.

[702] Really, I think I woke up like this.

[703] I don't remember gaining no hundred and some pounds doing my marriage.

[704] My marriage, we used to have a lot of sex and eat Taco Bell.

[705] And 10 years later, we woke up fat.

[706] That's, that's, that's, I don't remember ever.

[707] changing panties sizes.

[708] One day I just went from a 16 to in my 20s.

[709] I'm like, what the fuck?

[710] What's a 16?

[711] Is that large?

[712] What's the size 16 panties?

[713] I don't know what that means.

[714] But I don't know what that means.

[715] Like what size person would that be?

[716] 100 pounds, 120 pounds?

[717] For me, a 16 is about 175.

[718] Well, you were weighing 175.

[719] When I met my husband.

[720] And then somewhere along the line and he was straight out of the military, so he wasn't fat either.

[721] You know, I told you, I told you My husband was a vegan, and he lost all that weight.

[722] He gained it all back.

[723] He gained it all back?

[724] Oh, no. You don't eat meat.

[725] He just went on a cookie diet.

[726] A cookie diet.

[727] When did this happen?

[728] He gained about 60 pounds back.

[729] And this is the last time you were here?

[730] Oh, yeah.

[731] That's insane.

[732] That's fucking unhealthy.

[733] I keep telling them.

[734] That's not a little bit of wood.

[735] You can't keep having your tities go up and down like that.

[736] You have a heart attack.

[737] Yeah, the heart attack is the real concern.

[738] Yes.

[739] Not the tities.

[740] yeah the titties are going to get wrecked for sure you lose and gain that much weight your body doesn't know what the fuck to do with your skin so now he's back in the gym yeah well you can't gain that's a scary thing you know what happened i'll tell you what happened he went um his gout flare it up so when his gout flare up he can't do shit you're not you never had gout i have a friend who has that oh that is some pain for shit my husband can't do shit his toe just be it looked like it fucking talking to you it just read did you take medication for it Well, it's his diet.

[741] It's his diet.

[742] What about the diet?

[743] Like, what, you know, they say gout.

[744] They used to say it was like a king's disease.

[745] It used to affect a lot of, like, royal people back in the day because they drank a lot of wine.

[746] That man overseas, what's his name?

[747] Kung Junwu.

[748] Yeah, him.

[749] Yeah.

[750] He got gout.

[751] The new one, Kim Jong -un.

[752] Yeah, the son.

[753] Yeah, he does gout.

[754] Yeah, that's what they say.

[755] It's associated with people that are overweight, but it's also associated with specific diets.

[756] Like diets that are rich in certain foods.

[757] I forget what it is.

[758] but I know wine has something to do with it.

[759] He don't drink wine.

[760] What's the symptoms?

[761] I don't know.

[762] You get like, joint pain.

[763] My friend who has it, he's got like, he gets really painful heels.

[764] Like his feet swell up.

[765] And it's really nasty.

[766] My husband has it only in his left toe.

[767] In his left toe only?

[768] Yep.

[769] That's the only place it flare up.

[770] Really?

[771] Yep.

[772] That's weird.

[773] My father -in -law just passed in November, and he had it all over his body.

[774] He had it in his arms, his hands.

[775] Like my mother -in -law got it.

[776] in her arms, but everybody and my husband's family got it.

[777] Okay, here's what it says.

[778] There are a number of factors, risk factors for gout.

[779] The more risk factors a person has, the greater risk of developing gout.

[780] When examining a patient, take the following risk factors into consideration to ensure a proper diagnosis.

[781] Hyper uricemia classified as a uric acid, yeah, uric acid.

[782] That's one of the things that has to do that, for some reason or another, has to do with diet, right?

[783] Yeah.

[784] Family history, age, gender, gout affects men more than women, ethnicity, the instances of gouty arthritis and comorbid conditions varies by ethnicity.

[785] In the U .S., Hispanics and African Americans who have features of metabolic syndrome are more likely to develop gout, obesity.

[786] What's that?

[787] What are you putting that up for?

[788] I got a trainer.

[789] What?

[790] What is that?

[791] Or the trainer from his back.

[792] Okay.

[793] Give some trainer.

[794] You don't even know that guy sucks.

[795] It could not even, what if I get there and he, I had one trainer, he was fat.

[796] That's not good.

[797] I know.

[798] And he wore a weight belt to like a girdle.

[799] And I was like, I'm not going to keep paying your fat ass.

[800] Crystals, this is the other thing.

[801] Yeah.

[802] It forms crystals.

[803] And that's why I hurt so bad.

[804] That's why I hurt so bad.

[805] My husband says it feels like somebody is just fucking got fire to your skin.

[806] Alcohol consumption, especially beer.

[807] He stopped drinking beer.

[808] It says purine.

[809] That's not even the dog food, Purina.

[810] Purine rich foods, especially red meat and shellfish.

[811] High fructose -laden foods, like high fructose corn syrup, crash diets, crash diets.

[812] I'm going to tell them that.

[813] Including high -protein fat diets, starting uric acid lowering therapy without anti -inflammatory coverage.

[814] hmm bed rest often post -operative and all those things trigger nothing's nothing can stop the pain nothing like Tylenol no they can't give you anything they'll give you something to try to calm it down but nothing like if my husband get it what do he what do he drink um he drinks something to make his calm down oh um organic uh what is organic uh what is organic uh Cranberry juice.

[815] Organic cranberry juice.

[816] 100 % cranberry juice calmery juice calms it down.

[817] Most cranberry juice is like Cranberry juice cocktail, which is like very sugar.

[818] Because the one he buys like $9.

[819] Like $7 or $8 at Kroger down to organic ice.

[820] And that helps.

[821] Yes.

[822] And he drinks it every day.

[823] It probably tastes like shit.

[824] It's very, very tart.

[825] It's tart.

[826] I'm sorry.

[827] It's tart.

[828] Cranberry juice cocktail.

[829] Like most people think they're drinking cranberry juice.

[830] No, that's poor shit.

[831] You're drinking a lot of sugar.

[832] Yes, you are.

[833] But my husband drink the tarts.

[834] And he drinks like maybe, he drinks it like at least once a week to keep the flare -ups.

[835] He can tell now when they're about to flare -up and he get on his cranberry juice and it'll go away.

[836] Hmm.

[837] That's interesting.

[838] Doesn't that hurt with women who have urinary tract infections as well?

[839] Yeah, that shit feels like gonorrhea.

[840] Does it?

[841] You know what gonorrhea feels like?

[842] I know what a lot of shit feels like.

[843] I ain't always had health care.

[844] But urinary tract infections, that's one thing that women who take cranberry juice, they do that.

[845] Yeah, you have to cleanse your vagina.

[846] You want to keep it down.

[847] Because if you get, like, if it get really bad and you go to piss, you can run out the bathroom.

[848] Whoa.

[849] That shit hurt.

[850] Damn.

[851] Yeah.

[852] Why is it hurt?

[853] Because it's inflamed.

[854] Because it's burning.

[855] It's like if you took your wiener out, let me stick a lighter to.

[856] Hey, easy.

[857] Oh, I was just trying to demonstrate the pain.

[858] Why I call a wiener?

[859] Well, dick.

[860] That's what hurt.

[861] Thank you.

[862] Oh, okay.

[863] Winner style like a kid.

[864] sad.

[865] Weiner is sexy to me. Weiner is sexy to you?

[866] If your husband's like, listen, baby, I'm going to sling my wean in your way.

[867] Well, my husband don't allow me to talk in a bedroom because my voice is deep.

[868] He doesn't allow you to talk in the bedroom.

[869] He's like, fucking clear your throat.

[870] He tells you not to talk in the bedroom.

[871] Listen, we're going to walk through the threshold of silence where we do our fucking.

[872] What time he said, shut up, you fucking up, my concentration.

[873] with your voice.

[874] What were you saying?

[875] Oh, fuck me. Fuck me. Oh, come on.

[876] Harder, motherfucker.

[877] You know the shit to make you feel like you young when you're having sex.

[878] Wow.

[879] All that deep talk.

[880] Yeah.

[881] Deep throat.

[882] He don't like my...

[883] He said when I lay down and my boobs go up on my neck, I really sound like a man. Like I call...

[884] Why are you looking at me like that, John?

[885] Fascinated.

[886] You know, I'm fat, so my titty's going to roll up on my neck.

[887] my neck if I'm laying down.

[888] Do they ever cover your eyes?

[889] They probably could.

[890] Like one time I woke up and I thought my husband was choking me, but it was my titty's up under my neck.

[891] Wow.

[892] Your tities were under your neck so heavy that you thought your husband was choking you?

[893] Yeah, I thought he kind of like had his hand around my neck.

[894] And then I woke up and I was my fucking, I wasn't choking, but you know how you feel something on you when you sleep?

[895] So.

[896] So that also affects the way you talk.

[897] So you guys have deals?

[898] Yeah, I don't talk about.

[899] bedroom.

[900] Do you have any deals for him?

[901] Like, he can't talk anywhere else.

[902] Like, you should have a room where he's got to shut the fuck up.

[903] You can't just have a room where only he gets to talk.

[904] Well, he don't...

[905] I don't know.

[906] You know what I'm saying?

[907] You should give him a room, but you got to get a room too.

[908] Well, I'm working on getting a bedroom, so I don't have to watch the bullshit -ass TV that he watch.

[909] Oh, so you're working on getting a separate bedroom.

[910] Yeah, I have one.

[911] My niece is just in it.

[912] I got to wait till they leave.

[913] That's the beginning of the end.

[914] You get separate bedrooms.

[915] Well, we're not going, I'm going to go TV and relax.

[916] That's it.

[917] Yeah.

[918] No, I have to sleep with my husband.

[919] I love my husband, Joe.

[920] I believe he's my hero.

[921] You know, most people wait on somebody riding on a white horse.

[922] He came in on Nissan and got me out of the ghetto.

[923] I love my baby.

[924] He came a bitch of health care.

[925] He didn't punch a bitch in the eye every Friday.

[926] No gunner.

[927] No crabs.

[928] No baby mama.

[929] None of that bullshit.

[930] I'm happy.

[931] I'm happy.

[932] He is a great guy.

[933] Except for that all, you can't talk in the bedroom shit.

[934] I got a deep boy.

[935] Just make a deal Okay, so then you get this new bedroom Then he's got to shut the fuck up in the new bedroom Yes And then the new bedroom You can just talk all kinds of crazy shit You gotta have, you know, Miss Pat's bedroom When she gets to talk And in his bedroom Maybe I'm gonna get me a vibrator And talk to the vibrator It won't tell me this shit the fuck up Well, you don't have to go that crazy But I'm just saying Women love vibrators I believe you I never use a vibrator Never You've never tried one I've been fucking since I was 12 I don't have no problem getting laid.

[936] I believe that as well.

[937] Yes.

[938] Did you ever get curious?

[939] Like, what's it with all the fuss is all about?

[940] Well, no. Nothing?

[941] Because you know, you know what they say.

[942] They say, once you die, you're going to meet God and go flash your life back in your face.

[943] I don't want to see that vibrating scene when I have to get into heaven.

[944] I wouldn't worry about it.

[945] I mean, think about all the other shit you got in your head.

[946] Well, I got an excuse for that.

[947] Toking yourself with your tits.

[948] Yeah, but you don't want to look at God and say, oh, I needed a nut.

[949] Why not?

[950] No, I don't want to do that.

[951] Well, listen.

[952] God's the one who gave you this desire to come.

[953] Well, I know that.

[954] I mean, that was just joking.

[955] I don't like vibrators.

[956] You don't like them.

[957] No. But you don't know because you haven't tried them, right?

[958] I know.

[959] That's what my girlfriends say, but I've always had sex with somebody.

[960] I mean, who's going to suck my titty joe?

[961] Me?

[962] So you demand certain activities while you're having sex, that the vagina is not, that the vibrator is not capable of fulfilling.

[963] Exactly.

[964] Who am I talk to?

[965] I get it.

[966] I see what you're saying.

[967] Yeah.

[968] Makes a lot of sense.

[969] I mean, I think they're cute.

[970] You think a vibrator's cute?

[971] I've seen them in all sizes.

[972] I hosted a vibrator party one time.

[973] You hosted a vibrator party?

[974] Yes.

[975] And at the time, the new one was you can, it had a suction cup on it.

[976] So you just stick it to the toilet and you fuck yourself.

[977] Oh, God.

[978] Anywhere in the house, it just stick to the wall.

[979] And it was crazy.

[980] And women were buying these shit of all sizes, Joe.

[981] Yeah.

[982] All like this, like this.

[983] I had a friend who had a girlfriend who couldn't come without it.

[984] She got addicted to it.

[985] And so they would have sex.

[986] He would fuck the shit out of her.

[987] And then she was like, give me that thing.

[988] Yeah, Hitachis are known for that because they're so powerful that they pretty much make it so it's numb down there that they only have to have that feeling to come now.

[989] Who is it?

[990] Hitachis are like those really strong ones that you plug into the wall.

[991] And those things just.

[992] Hitachi is it a massager that girls use as a vibrator?

[993] Yeah, it's a famous, it's one of the oldest massagers.

[994] it looks kind of like a long ice cream cone or something.

[995] I don't know what you're talking about.

[996] The one I saw, they was plastered and they just, woo.

[997] Yeah, those look like dicks.

[998] Well, my daughter have a lot of them too.

[999] Oh.

[1000] Yeah.

[1001] The lesbian daughter.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] My other daughter is 16.

[1004] I hope she ain't got no vibrator.

[1005] The one, that's weird.

[1006] Like, so lesbians will use vibrators and strap -ons and all that shit.

[1007] Yes, but they don't want no dick.

[1008] No. They don't want no dick.

[1009] No, that's why I have a joke.

[1010] That's why I have a joke.

[1011] I was going to ask my daughter.

[1012] I was like, why are you gay?

[1013] I mean, if Titties is your thing, go out and get a fat boy.

[1014] That's a Hittachi.

[1015] And it's super powerful.

[1016] Like, if you have an full blast.

[1017] Well, it's not supposed to, you just put on a clip.

[1018] It's not supposed to be for that, though.

[1019] It's supposed to be for your back.

[1020] Oh, God.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] I don't know nothing about that type of six.

[1023] I'm just straight up and down and go to sleep.

[1024] Straight up and down and then go to sleep.

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] If someone buys one for you, will you at least try it?

[1027] No, I'm not.

[1028] I'm not doing that bullshit.

[1029] I'm a Christian.

[1030] Oh, okay.

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] That makes sense.

[1033] Christians don't use vibrators.

[1034] They have Jesus ones.

[1035] What if one of them is blessed?

[1036] You're going to fuck up.

[1037] I'm not using no vibrate.

[1038] How does that work?

[1039] Are Christians allowed to masturbate?

[1040] I don't know.

[1041] I'm not a real Christian.

[1042] I am a Christian.

[1043] I'm a Christian.

[1044] You're not a real Christian, but you are a Christian.

[1045] I'm a Christian.

[1046] I am.

[1047] I believe in God and Jesus.

[1048] I am.

[1049] And I've been baptized 25 times.

[1050] So, of course, I'm a Christian.

[1051] I'm a Christian.

[1052] 25 times?

[1053] Why were you baptized 25 times?

[1054] Well, my mama had a skin in the hood back in the day.

[1055] When all the churches cared about you, so if you go to church and you was, like we was poor, so if you had problems with your financial problems, if you had financial problems, and you join the church, and the church will write your check for your finances that month.

[1056] Really?

[1057] Yeah, it was a black church.

[1058] That's amazing.

[1059] Well, that's why black church don't give our money without interviews no more.

[1060] That's why no churches give our interview money without interviews but that's it that is a beautiful function of a church though that they could actually well it was a lot of churches doing it yeah how did that work so my mama would take us it was five of us and she would take us to get we would join the church you know like we're really going to come and you know and they would pay our light bill all rent or whatever and so they the pastor always wanted to baptize you so my mama had a scheme where she would set these churches up to get us baptized to get help so you you bring the kid in you say I want my child you're baptized I got a lot of financial difficulties.

[1061] No, you schedule it.

[1062] She'll go to the church, ask for help.

[1063] And, you know, they always try to talk you in the joining because you need members to keep going.

[1064] And my mom was like, yeah, I join, you know, get baptized or whatever.

[1065] I don't know how the meeting went down.

[1066] I just showed up for the baptism.

[1067] So you'd show up, they would baptize you, they'd dunk you in the water, and then what happens?

[1068] They give you some money?

[1069] They give my mama the money.

[1070] How much money?

[1071] I don't know I was a kid.

[1072] I didn't even know that I didn't even realize.

[1073] I didn't even realize this shit wasn't right.

[1074] was abnormal until I was on my phone my girlfriend probably about eight years ago and I'm talking to her probably like 10 years ago and we was talking about baptism and I was like I got baptized 25 times she's like who the fuck baptized you 25 times I was like how many times was you baptized she was like once I was like why and I was like that was a fucking scheme did you ever talk to your mom about that my mama's dead my mama died when she was 39 I was 16 with two kids she had diabetes wow that's one more reason to try to get healthy right she wasn't fat she was 98 pounds damn 98 pounds never was fat yes she was an alcoholic you know my mom i think my mama they say diabetes when you don't got no health care no insurer they just put whatever pills you were taking that with the motherfucker died of but i think my mama just died of of a broken heart she had a rough life you know she had five kids before she was 23 she was uneducated she was in a very abusive relationship with my daddy I mean we never had ships we always lived in places where we got evicted because she lived off welfare I mean she just I mean I'm not going to say she never had a chance she just had a bad like whatever whatever she was it's a cycle so whatever her parents whatever she saw her parents do she went on and did it and so did my sister and so did you oh I changed my life right but you you broke the cycle yeah But did that, like, occur to you while you were young and when you had kids?

[1075] Like, I'm doing the same thing my mom was doing.

[1076] Yes.

[1077] Like, my mama would have me at a really young age, like, lighting cigarettes at five or six.

[1078] Lighting her cigarettes?

[1079] Yes.

[1080] But I was told in school, I probably about six or seven.

[1081] But we was taught in school not to smoke.

[1082] You remember that Joe Cool guy with the cigarettes?

[1083] You remember a little camel.

[1084] Camel, that's what I'm talking about.

[1085] Remember how cool he was?

[1086] But in school, you was taught not to smoke.

[1087] Cigarettes would kill you.

[1088] So that always stuck in my head, but my mom will see me in the room, and me in the kitchen and light her cigarettes off the stole.

[1089] And she was like, make sure you pull it two times.

[1090] And I'm like, bitch, they just told me I'm going to die.

[1091] I didn't say that to her.

[1092] I said that in my head.

[1093] Make sure you pull it.

[1094] She was telling you to inhale?

[1095] Yeah, we have to inhale it to get it going.

[1096] I don't fucking know.

[1097] But my sister smoked everything in the book from that shit.

[1098] I ain't inhale.

[1099] You know what?

[1100] The reason why she stopped me from doing it because I would go in there and fry that fucking cigarette.

[1101] And she would slap the shit.

[1102] I mean, she smoked one stings.

[1103] So already that shit is super strong.

[1104] So we'll be, oh, I'll spit on the mic.

[1105] We're being there coughing and shit.

[1106] My sister probably was smoking at eight years old.

[1107] How old were you when she was getting you to lighter cigarettes?

[1108] Probably about, well, my sister was probably like eight, so she's two years older than me. So you were six years old, and she was telling you to take a hit off a cigarette?

[1109] Yes, we did it every day.

[1110] Fuck.

[1111] That's crazy.

[1112] We did it every day.

[1113] We knew how to pull her gin, and she drunk gin and water.

[1114] so we would go back there and make her a drink all the time she would tell you to make her a drink uh yes and i used to always say everything i see you motherfuckers do i'm never gonna do it i don't smoke her drink and it's you know what i always said my mama made me think she did everything unsexy just like she wasn't like most moms like and she smoked the cigarette she didn't hold it like you know how you saw most women hold it she held that bitch like a joint because she smoked a lot of weed and i say why you do everything like a man i didn't say that to her but like she never was She never drank out of glass.

[1115] She always drunk out of a quart bottle.

[1116] So I was like, she'd do everything like a fucking man. Like she never told a purse.

[1117] She always told a wallet, a man's wallet in her back pocket.

[1118] Really?

[1119] Mm -hmm.

[1120] So everything she did, I was like, I can't do this bullshit.

[1121] Well, she probably, from having so many kids at a young age, she probably want to have nothing to do with sexy.

[1122] You know?

[1123] Just stay the fuck away from me with all that dick.

[1124] That just gets me in trouble.

[1125] I'll just do some repulsive shit.

[1126] So farting on dudes.

[1127] Well, you know, she had five kids really young.

[1128] Because my daddy was nine years older than her, like eight years older than her like my kid's father was.

[1129] And I didn't even realize that to one day I was out here putting some shit together.

[1130] And I had my birth certificate.

[1131] And I was like, this motherfucker got my mama young, like my baby daddy got me young.

[1132] It's so crazy.

[1133] It's such a repeating cycle.

[1134] It is a repeating sight.

[1135] To somebody open their eyes and say, holy shit, we all headed it.

[1136] I'm headed like these people.

[1137] What made you realize and what do you think was like the catalyst to get you to stop that cycle?

[1138] When I had my kids.

[1139] When I had my, you know, I had the first baby at 14.

[1140] And that's the first time I ever felt like I was loved.

[1141] That's one of the reason why I kept the baby because you know the baby.

[1142] And I got a book deal, so I don't give away all the stories.

[1143] But that's one of the reason when I gave birth to her, I kept her because he was married.

[1144] This lady showed up at my door.

[1145] I was like, this is my fucking husband.

[1146] pregnant by it but to me I was going to finally have somebody in my life that loved me and I never I didn't have to worry about betraying me so that's why I kept that baby because I knew that baby would love me unconditionally because I never felt like I was love until I mean when I had the baby I was 14 and I'd give him birth by myself he wasn't there he showed up the next day at the hospital with his girlfriend his new girlfriend Jesus Christ yeah so you you like consciously felt like like you could raise this baby from the time it was little and it would love you.

[1147] Yeah, but I didn't realize the finance attached with it, but yeah, you know, it was almost like a baby dog.

[1148] That's how you kind of looked at it.

[1149] It was a cabbage pad I never got.

[1150] But my cabbage pack, the cabbage pet kids don't eat.

[1151] This motherfucker really ate.

[1152] Yeah.

[1153] So I had to go out and get a job.

[1154] You got a book deal?

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] When did this happen?

[1157] After I left you.

[1158] That's awesome.

[1159] Well, the writer hurt me on Ari Shafir.

[1160] So she went to an agency and told them to listen to the Rogan podcast.

[1161] And so she listened to the Rogan podcast, and then I did Marins, and then they listened to them, and then the agent picked me up.

[1162] So got the agent from you and sealed a deal over with all the podcasts together when I thought I did Martin Marins.

[1163] Wow.

[1164] And I was shocked, too.

[1165] I was like, y 'all want to buy this shit?

[1166] So are you going to write it yourself?

[1167] Hell no. I can't even say click.

[1168] click clit clitorious yeah clitorious is a greek roman clit i don't know what you fuck it is but clitorious maximus the lady who found me on ari park has she's writing it oh okay so um so you just will tell her the stories i just tell we've been talking well i sold a book last time i was right around the last time i was here i thought i was here so we're writing we're almost done with the first chapter so far so we talk about three four times a week so does she talk to you on the phone on the phone and then she just does she record it and transcribe it is I'm quite sure she do I mean I just I just I don't fucking know we're going to book right and do I got a GED I just tell her the stories and then she go from there like it's kind of funny because you know she opened doors in my life that I've had clothes so long that there's a lot of pain you know I only seen this later a couple of times and I'm just opening these doors so a lot of times we're crying together But we also laugh And a lot of time I hang up from And she'll come back She's like, oh, you okay?

[1169] And I'm like, I'm a fucking case 30 years ago.

[1170] And I think the reason why Emotion is there Because I hadn't had to deal with it All of these years.

[1171] Right.

[1172] You know, you can, you know, When you compress shit, it's okay until motherfucker crack that door open.

[1173] Right.

[1174] So I do a lot.

[1175] Well, I did a lot of crying with her.

[1176] yeah that's the case with a lot of people when they recall like ancient things that happened to them like you don't even realize how much it affected you until you start talking about it and you start crying and you realize like wow that that played a major part in fucking me up yeah you know and it I'm 42 I mean I'm 42 years old and I you know I still can remember my mama saying white people is better than you so for years Joe I was scared of white people I never had to deal with y 'all didn't come to my fucking hood.

[1177] I didn't go out looking for y 'all so I didn't really have to deal with white people until I moved to Indianapolis and my comedy career because there was no urban scene because when I first started comedy I was on the urban scene so you don't see white people coming to too many urban a little small hole in the wall so when I got to isn't it funny that urban is black yeah how the fuck did that happen how did it become urban I have no idea urban means city like city everybody lives in the fucking city.

[1178] I mean, most half the world lives in the city.

[1179] Like, how weird is it that urban?

[1180] You got to ask your people.

[1181] They did that.

[1182] Oh.

[1183] My people, white people.

[1184] Do you think it's like a euphemism for black?

[1185] They wanted to say, I have a nice way of saying black.

[1186] So they came up with urban.

[1187] Yes.

[1188] Urban crime.

[1189] Urban crime, yeah.

[1190] In the city.

[1191] So you started doing urban rooms.

[1192] Yeah, when I first started, so when my husband's job transferred us to Indianapolis, it was no scene now.

[1193] So I had to go into the, to the mainstream club, which was more at ease.

[1194] and crackers and stuff and I would just you know kind of fucking chuck and do what I was doing to one of the managers Avery hey Avery he love your podcast and he was I would tell him these stories he's like you should really talk about your life and when I started to talk about my life you know people they would just come to me oh you're so funny let's get your fucking hands on me I wouldn't say that to them but in my mind my mind was fucked up because she said don't white people are better than you never look them in the eye well who fucking said that to your mom your mom said white people are better than you you, don't look them in the eye.

[1195] What did she mean by that?

[1196] I don't know.

[1197] But they're better than you.

[1198] They are.

[1199] That's what she said.

[1200] Because, you know, I guess my mama was born in the 40s, so she was a part of that whole civil right movement.

[1201] And, you know, you had a lot of people that believe that bullshit that we are different.

[1202] They were different back then.

[1203] So she taught me white people was better than me. Never look you in the eye.

[1204] And until I moved to Indianapolis, I could never look them in the eye.

[1205] And I told my husband this story.

[1206] He was like, we all the fucking sane.

[1207] Because, you know, white women are so friendly, so they were run up to me and kiss me. Oh, you're so funny.

[1208] But in my mind, I'm like, bitch, you can get your motherfucking hand.

[1209] I'm going to choke the shit out of you.

[1210] You know what's fucked up?

[1211] I mean, we don't think about it in perspective, but we are as close to 1940s as the 1940s were to slavery.

[1212] You don't think about it like that, but that's reality.

[1213] I mean, slavery ended in 1875.

[1214] Think about that.

[1215] Think about 1875 to 1940.

[1216] you know it's not that much time it's not that much time 65 years you know whatever plus or minus 10 years not that much time and then you go from 1940 you know you're dealing with 70 years to today 74 years 75 years from 1940 and give or take a few here or there that's crazy yeah that's weird when he really think about it like that's not that far away where people owned people in this fucking country yeah and your mother grew up up in that echoes you know the reverberations of that error and the civil war i mean people going to war over that and yeah that's fucked up if you really stop and think about it your mom was as close to god damn lincoln being president as we are she was born in 40 i think my dad were born in 42 and she was born in 49 or my dad was born in 30 something my dad was born in the 30s i don't fucking though he died when he was almost 70 but she died at 39 yeah she was as close to lincoln being president as we are to eisenhower being president which is fucking weird that is weird that's weird to think of because it's just we look at history when you start thinking about slavery we start thinking about abraham lincoln that seems so long ago it does impossibly long ago but then when you you know you do the numbers and you go wait a minute all the shit whoa 1865 like that is not 1875 that's not that long ago is that it's not it's just not it's nothing long ago it's weird it's weird it's weird that it's not but it really isn't it's just uh the the the human like the the the the toll that that sort of life paid or that that had to be uh paid by people of having slavery and having just rampant racism throughout this country and having two completely different groups of people, white people and black people, and that black people, literally your mother telling you that white people are better than you.

[1217] The toll of that, like the impact of that, God damn, that's going to take a long time to sell the fuck down.

[1218] Well, I mean, I'm getting over it now.

[1219] I realize we are the same.

[1220] You know, you know better than me, you know.

[1221] You are, but you think a lot, and you're a very smart person.

[1222] You're exposed to a lot of different things.

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] I mean, think about how many people just don't get that message.

[1225] You know what?

[1226] And And I took my brother to a show in Lafayette, Indiana, I did around Thanksgiving.

[1227] My family came up.

[1228] So I take my, my brother's in them, they just think I'm something open mic.

[1229] They don't really know what I do, you know, because I don't see my family a lot.

[1230] Right.

[1231] So I take my brother to Lafayette, Indiana, and 300 some white people come out.

[1232] All white people.

[1233] We're the only black people.

[1234] And so I said, I don't have that many black people that come out to see me. So I told them, I said, I knew it wasn't going to be any black people.

[1235] So I brought black people with me, my family.

[1236] And so I'm telling these jokes about my life, how we grew up.

[1237] My brother over there crying, laughing.

[1238] And so when I finished him, we get in the call.

[1239] He said, Rabbit, how do them crackles let you talk to them like that?

[1240] And I thought it.

[1241] That's right.

[1242] Forget your street name.

[1243] They don't call me, Patricia.

[1244] Your whole family calls you by your crack dealer name.

[1245] Crack dealer name.

[1246] I thought it was hilarious.

[1247] I was like, Tony, nobody say crackers anymore.

[1248] And they're white people, okay?

[1249] Isn't that a club crackers?

[1250] Yeah, it's a club cracker.

[1251] But that's also white people.

[1252] That's what they say.

[1253] people.

[1254] Crackers and it's filled with white people.

[1255] God damn.

[1256] That's got to be weird having your brother call you cracker or a rabbit rather.

[1257] Well, you know, I try to stop them, but it's me, my cousin's call me rabbit.

[1258] Because I don't know.

[1259] Everybody calls you rabbit.

[1260] That's what we're going to name the book, Rabbit.

[1261] Oh, really?

[1262] Yes.

[1263] We're going to name the book Rabbit.

[1264] Miss Pat, aka Rabbit.

[1265] I don't know how it's going to go, but I know they decided on Rabbit.

[1266] They think Rabbit got to pop to it.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] You should use your real name, the name you use on stage.

[1269] Don't let them use any other name.

[1270] Miss Pat.

[1271] Make sure it's Miss Pat is in the title somehow or another.

[1272] Otherwise, people won't find it.

[1273] Okay.

[1274] You know?

[1275] Thank you for telling me. You know what I'm saying?

[1276] Yeah.

[1277] Don't get stupid Harper Collins.

[1278] Don't get creative, you weird white people.

[1279] Leave it alone.

[1280] They just think it's cool.

[1281] They just want to be able to call you Rabbit.

[1282] Rabbit the story of Miss Pat.

[1283] I don't fucking like the name.

[1284] I don't like the name.

[1285] You know what?

[1286] If you call me Rabbit, then you know me. Mm -hmm.

[1287] You know, if you call me Miss Pat, then you're a fan.

[1288] I go home.

[1289] I'm Pat.

[1290] but if you call me rabbit you know my fucking path and it creeps me out i was like don't fucking call me rabbit so do you say that to your family don't call you rabbit i try to tell them but i don't think they know my real fucking name my brother call me what you doing rabbit motherfucker i'm pat now okay i'm pat now because you know i got a brother named anthony right so i'll be like do i call do i call you and call you anthony don't i call you aunt bitch I mean, I call him Anthony.

[1291] I don't call him Ann anymore.

[1292] He used to call him Ant.

[1293] Yeah, we used to call him Aunt.

[1294] But that's short for Anthony.

[1295] That makes sense.

[1296] But I call him Anthony, and I tell him to call me Pat, but he won't.

[1297] He won't.

[1298] Uh -uh.

[1299] Motherfucker.

[1300] And my brother Tony, my brother Tony, he's real, real black.

[1301] So we used to call him itchy.

[1302] I don't call you itchy, bitch.

[1303] Don't call me rabbi.

[1304] Why'd you call him itchy because he was real black?

[1305] I don't know, because he always looked like he needed lotion.

[1306] Brian, what are he doing over there?

[1307] Answering emails?

[1308] No?

[1309] Look like you needed to be.

[1310] stressed.

[1311] He always looked dry.

[1312] And my sister's nickname was May Pop.

[1313] May Pop?

[1314] Yeah.

[1315] Why May Pop?

[1316] I don't fucking know, Joe, what we got these names from.

[1317] May Pop is very specific.

[1318] It's a state flower somewhere.

[1319] A Maypop is a...

[1320] Flower.

[1321] Google it.

[1322] That's how I learned it.

[1323] May Pop.

[1324] M -A -Y -P -O -P?

[1325] May -Pop flower.

[1326] Is that a flower in...

[1327] I don't know.

[1328] I've seen it somewhere.

[1329] I might be called on.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] It's beautiful.

[1332] It's purple.

[1333] Purple Passion Flower.

[1334] I have no idea why they, maybe they thought she was a flower.

[1335] She was really pretty before Crack.

[1336] Passiflora Incarnata.

[1337] Hmm.

[1338] Yeah, it's beautiful.

[1339] I know my mama didn't read that shit.

[1340] Yeah, commonly known as May Pop, Purple Passion Flower, the Passion Flower, Wild Abricot, and Wild Passion Vine, a fast -growing, a fast -growing, a fast -growing, perennial vine.

[1341] My sister don't look shit like that.

[1342] Well, it's a beautiful flower, though.

[1343] It is a beautiful flower.

[1344] If you want to call somebody something like that, I mean, that's a nice thing.

[1345] You know, it's crazy because it's wide open, so that's replicate her legs.

[1346] Her legs are always wide open?

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] How dare she?

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] But her name was Maypop, and I have a brother that's named George.

[1351] We called him Bo.

[1352] Bo?

[1353] Yeah, he's biracial.

[1354] He's really biracial, but my mama said we all got the same daddy.

[1355] Ain't no fucking way when this man black is fucking Cooter Brown.

[1356] So how Bo is biracial.

[1357] He looked like he's white.

[1358] He looks like he's white.

[1359] fuck yeah he's yeah he looked like he white but your mother says it comes from the same guy yes and he's a junior so i was like i know what daddy beat your ass and where to fuck this because when i gave a writer when i gave a writer my brothers and sister pictures so she can kind of visualize who i'm talking about she was like who is this little white girl i was like that's my oldest brother wow she thought he was a little white girl jesus yeah but he's black i mean but i don't know what he is talk about it he's in jail right now what's he in jail for DUI poor Bo yeah he's been in jail all his life all of us have oh really damn May pop just got out of jail for what what did May pop oh she ran over the crack remember I told you that they were smoking crack and she bagged up over too many time and they gave her two years or something too many times the transvestite my cousin transvestite girlfriend right right I forgot about that story she's out now for those who haven't heard or refer to podcast number one.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] Ms. Pat.

[1362] So she's out now.

[1363] She's out now.

[1364] Yeah.

[1365] She's in a drug program.

[1366] She's getting her tokens day by day, I guess.

[1367] I don't know.

[1368] Now, when they see you being successful and becoming famous and doing really well, and they go to see you at a comedy club, but 300 white people laughing and having a great time, are they happy for you?

[1369] I, you know, I don't think they, I don't really think they got it yet.

[1370] they still think, oh, Pat just out here, you know, open mic, and I don't think they know what I'm exactly doing, because I'm not on TV.

[1371] So if you ain't on TV, the black people, you ain't made it.

[1372] But you're on R .E. Shafir show.

[1373] You're on this Comedy Central show that's going to be, I think it's this Thursday.

[1374] No, it's next week.

[1375] Next week.

[1376] No. They changed it.

[1377] My sister ain't going to watch no fucking Comedy Central.

[1378] They don't watch Comedy Central, even though you're on it?

[1379] No. Why not?

[1380] She probably ain't got cable.

[1381] First of all, she just asked me for $20 to pay a rent.

[1382] So I'm like I don't got them cable I don't know I don't know I'm gonna call I need to call and say Hey you got comedy since you should watch me You should have a viewing party With all your friends back in Indiana Family You don't have them over your house My family's not in Indianapolis You know they're in Atlanta So you don't want to have them fly out Just to Who got that kind of money They ain't never been on no plane They've never been on a plane No They've been on a bus going to court They never been on no plane I didn't start flying until I became a comedian Really?

[1383] How old were you the first time you got an airplane?

[1384] What I've been doing this?

[1385] What?

[1386] I've been doing this, what?

[1387] 11, 12 years?

[1388] Late 20s Wow, so the first time you got an airplane were you shit in your pants?

[1389] I had somebody go with me I had a friend who worked at the airline and you know my mom just people, black people scared to fly That is so fucking true.

[1390] We were other drive 25 hours to get on the plane.

[1391] Honestly, you might think I'm lying.

[1392] My granddaddy married this lady who had some money.

[1393] And she said, Wait a minute, your grand...

[1394] My grandfather, he's dead now.

[1395] He married this lady who had some money.

[1396] And she wanted to go on a honeymoon.

[1397] He was like, I don't want to go on a fucking plane.

[1398] And this man, and he's 60.

[1399] So she talked to him on and get on the plane.

[1400] He came back and divorced that bitch.

[1401] He said, I told that bitch I didn't want to fly.

[1402] Wow.

[1403] He came back from the honeymoon and they never lived together.

[1404] Just because she made him fly.

[1405] She made him fly.

[1406] Wow.

[1407] So I was always scared.

[1408] My mom was like, don't get on a fucking plane.

[1409] It ain't for us.

[1410] What was the gig?

[1411] It ain't for us.

[1412] White people are better than you.

[1413] Don't get on planes.

[1414] She would say only white people fly.

[1415] Y 'all like dying in the air.

[1416] When you smoke, when you light my cigarette, make sure you take two hits, even though you're six.

[1417] This is how you make my drink.

[1418] This is how you keep a wall in your back pocket.

[1419] Basically everything your mother told you was wrong.

[1420] Did she ever give you any good advice?

[1421] No. No, no, she did.

[1422] She didn't know shit.

[1423] She didn't know.

[1424] Well, how do you fault her?

[1425] You know what?

[1426] I said my mama did the best that she could because she could have been like these new bitches of the day and just dropped us off and kept going.

[1427] You know, these whole leaving these babies at the mall.

[1428] She struggled with her five kids.

[1429] I think, you know, she was, she gave us what she was handed down.

[1430] Right.

[1431] And until somebody tap you on the show and say, hey, it's different shit out here.

[1432] Let's try something different like my husband did with me. Then you don't know.

[1433] I mean, I got cousins who live in just like my mama.

[1434] All these different.

[1435] I mean, all these kids and welfare and no job.

[1436] It just keep being handed down.

[1437] Criminal activity, going to jail.

[1438] You know, they, like, my brother got two kids and I follow them on Instagram, right.

[1439] And they always in the hood.

[1440] Got on my fresh joy.

[1441] I'm fresh in this bitch.

[1442] And I said, look at these stupid motherfuckers.

[1443] Look at these stupid motherfuckers.

[1444] I'm about to go waiting in line for tennis shoes.

[1445] Really, motherfucker?

[1446] Really?

[1447] But that's, it's all they know.

[1448] They're imitating their atmosphere.

[1449] Yeah.

[1450] Yeah.

[1451] I mean, that's what you saw and you became the same, but your children are seeing something different.

[1452] I mean, that's what's really fascinating, especially as you become successful, your children are seeing a you that's learned and grown.

[1453] And as we talked about this last time you're on here, the conversations that you had with your daughter when you kind of, you know, you've let your daughter know, like, look, this is me. I was very young when I had you, and I've learned some things.

[1454] And along the way, I've become a better person and a different person, and you're a different person, a better person.

[1455] person than I was when I was your age, you know.

[1456] And it's like this information that you're picking up, you're spreading your kids.

[1457] You broke the chain.

[1458] You know, you've broken the cycle.

[1459] That's got to be very happy for you.

[1460] I'm very happy because, you know, one of the concerns I had was dropout.

[1461] Nobody graduated.

[1462] Like I dropped out in the age and my sister dropped out and mom and them, everybody going to jail and teenage pregnancy.

[1463] I said to myself, you motherfuckers would not be fucking my baby at 14.

[1464] I don't know who motherfuckers I was talking about.

[1465] But I'm just talking about it in general.

[1466] Well, she ended up being gay, so she could have used a little dick on the way.

[1467] Do you think that she's gay by nature or by nurture?

[1468] I don't know.

[1469] Because she said she was born gay.

[1470] I said, not according to the ultrasound.

[1471] The ultrasound says whether you're gay or not?

[1472] She wasn't sucking on me when she was in my stomach, so I don't know where she'd get that habit from.

[1473] Not according to the ultrasound.

[1474] I don't know.

[1475] say she was born that away don't you trust her?

[1476] I mean if she says that I believe it but you know what I think now I think I think also that my daughter did not have a good example of what a man should have been because she always saw her daddy beating me she was there when her daddy shot me she was there with all the abuse all the ones half of the bitches I called him cheating with my daughter took me to the house right so her her vision of a man at that time was like she was like I don't like boys I can remember her as a little girl saying I don't like boys because they hit you.

[1477] Well, there is that, that is a factor for sure.

[1478] Yeah.

[1479] There's that women that have been abused, that have turned to gay relationships.

[1480] There's women that weren't gay when they were young or didn't think they were gay when they were young.

[1481] They were involved in male, female relationships, but they got, they encountered so many assholes that they just wanted love.

[1482] And it's more acceptable for a woman to become gay, too, than a man to become gay.

[1483] For a guy to become gay, it's very difficult for straight men.

[1484] Y 'all can't go back.

[1485] No, they can't go back.

[1486] Yeah, your ass pop, that's it.

[1487] Yeah, no man cares if a woman has lesbian relationships.

[1488] It's nice.

[1489] It's like you took a break from Dick.

[1490] It's like you're a virgin reborn, you know?

[1491] Men don't mind.

[1492] They think it's hot.

[1493] Well, my daughter, she doesn't do that, you know, switching back and forth.

[1494] She's just strictly.

[1495] I always have been.

[1496] I mean, I can remember, we started noticing, like I said, around middle school.

[1497] We went over my super save mother -in -law house.

[1498] And she told my husband She's super save All she do is pray And this is what she told my husband She said Y 'all need to pray for this girl She got a gay spirit And so I told my Because me and my mother -in -law At the time wasn't really tight So I was like Fuck her And we need to pray for her wig Because it's dried out But She had a gay spirit That's what she told my husband She didn't tell me that Because I probably would I probably would have How old was your daughter When this is?

[1499] My daughter was Probably nine, ten.

[1500] Whoa, when she was nine or ten?

[1501] We was over my mother -in -law house, and when I got home, my husband said, my mother said, Ashley has a gay spirit on her.

[1502] Oh, my goodness.

[1503] But if you ask Ashley, she said she's been gay since elementary.

[1504] I mean, she said she knew when she really started liking girls in elementary.

[1505] Well, what's interesting is that you experience the same sort of thing that she experienced, meaning that your mother was abused by your father.

[1506] Yeah.

[1507] And you saw violence and you saw a young pregnancy and all that stuff.

[1508] But her reaction was very different than your reaction.

[1509] You love men.

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] I've never been with a woman.

[1512] So I tend to think she's probably, it's probably a little bit of both, you know.

[1513] She's probably born.

[1514] I mean, obviously people are born gay, right?

[1515] I got to assume.

[1516] I got some gay neighbors.

[1517] I can't imagine these dudes with a chick.

[1518] They're gay.

[1519] They're gay as fuck.

[1520] They've always been gay.

[1521] I've seen little kids that act like they, you know, real young.

[1522] So I do believe that people can be born gay.

[1523] I mean, if you see a five -year -old hitting a split, I like, I got a nephew.

[1524] I got a nephew.

[1525] He's a split?

[1526] He hit a split.

[1527] So stretching means you gay?

[1528] No, like he was a fucking girl.

[1529] And I was like, oh, my God, that baby is gay.

[1530] Well, hold on.

[1531] Maybe just like Jean -Claude Vard Dam movies.

[1532] Let's throw some kicks.

[1533] No. He was in a split, like a cheerleader.

[1534] They was cheering.

[1535] Tata.

[1536] Yeah, he was about five.

[1537] But I have a nephew.

[1538] and that I know it is gay.

[1539] Okay.

[1540] And he called me, like, when he was younger, I think he's probably 12 now, but he called me one day.

[1541] He started looking gay real young to me. But he called me a...

[1542] He started looking gay, real young.

[1543] Like, how was that?

[1544] Probably about seven.

[1545] He just had those tendencies, and his mama would say, your brother, because he's my brother's son, your brother need to be around my son because he liked my shoes and he liked my clothes and he liked my wigs.

[1546] So you kind of ignore it as just a boy, you know trying to find itself but my nephew called me a couple years back and he's like because he think I'm famous and he was an auntie do you uh I'm singing now I'm in a singing group I said oh really so you know you think this a black kid he'll R &B singer a rapper so I said what's you singing baby's my oh my me and my group be singing all the single ladies what the fuck I said he sings Beyonce songs he sings Beyonce songs and rea songs and he be He's sending me gay -ass videos.

[1547] I'd be telling my brother.

[1548] How old is he now?

[1549] How old is he now?

[1550] He's 14.

[1551] And he fight a lot because my brother just told me he fight a lot at school because kids mess with him at school a lot.

[1552] So I think he's gay.

[1553] I just think, you know, I think he's gay, but he don't know he's gay.

[1554] So he needs to, once he finds himself and not worry about what other people think of him, then he'll come out to be gay.

[1555] Like, I got a lot of gay people in my family.

[1556] Interesting.

[1557] It sounds like he's gay.

[1558] I mean, he probably knows he's gay, too.

[1559] He's singing all the single ladies And can dance He can twerk Like a pussy between his leg You are I'm telling I'm telling you My nephew can cut a rug Like a girl Cuts a rug That's an expression you don't hear anymore No Cut a rug Cut a rug I was like Lord have mercy This is hilarious All though right That's me stretching That's you That's me stretching That's me stretching Yeah, see, I could do a split.

[1560] Oh, shit.

[1561] Doesn't make me gay?

[1562] No, that doesn't make you gay.

[1563] I get confused.

[1564] That ain't what my nephew is.

[1565] Manly.

[1566] My nephew sat on his balls.

[1567] He sits on his balls.

[1568] You know how a girl here's splitting her vagina right down the flow?

[1569] You got your shit just spread like this.

[1570] My nephew, you sit on his balls.

[1571] This is a little kid that used to live in my neighborhood.

[1572] He was gay as fuck, and he was only like five years old.

[1573] And his mother was trying to get him into football.

[1574] It was hilarious.

[1575] Like, they were trying to get him to do manly stuff.

[1576] And he just wanted to play with dolls.

[1577] and just want to play with girls.

[1578] And, like, his mother was talking to my wife, you know, and trying to, like, figure out a way.

[1579] Like, you know, I just want to get him to get enough football.

[1580] I just think that if he's around more men.

[1581] And I'm like, oh, no, like, she's in denial.

[1582] Like, she doesn't want a gay son.

[1583] It's, like, you could tell she was, like, resisting this.

[1584] It was upsetting her.

[1585] And it was almost like she was, like, reaching out, like, to try to get someone to say, yeah, yeah.

[1586] If you just get him into football, it's just, that'll fix him yeah he'll just uh turn straight meanwhile he was like i love your toys can i play with you guys like he was gay he's a little gay guy you know she just she didn't want to accept it yeah he was born like that yeah oh he's he's born like that yeah definitely i mean there was a study they did in rome some some italian university um where they they believe that with gay men that it's a variation of the X chromosome because they found that women who were promiscuous, like ultra -permiscuous, had greater instances of homosexual male sons.

[1587] And so that they thought...

[1588] I'm glad I didn't give up a lot.

[1589] What they thought was that it's possible that some women, like some people are just hyper -sexual.

[1590] Like there's different levels, just like there's different levels of intelligence and different levels of...

[1591] You know, some people have great singing voices.

[1592] Some people are just, sex feels better to them.

[1593] They're more attracted to it.

[1594] They want it all the time.

[1595] And some girls could not be with one man. And when they found women who are just almost like chronically promiscuous and not just promiscuous, but would cheat on their husbands, cheat on their boyfriends, they just fucked everybody that could, those women had a greater instance of having gay sons.

[1596] and they felt like this is probably like there's a genetic factor.

[1597] So they like so much dick, it gets passed down to the sun like in the dick.

[1598] Yep, yep.

[1599] Yeah, that it literally passed down to the sun.

[1600] I need to call my nephew, mom, and ask her, do she like a lot of variety in your day?

[1601] Because my nephew, honey, he'd be sitting there video.

[1602] I was like, Lord, have mercy.

[1603] The videos of dancing.

[1604] I took him to Disney World with my kids and, you know, my son, I have a 14 -year -old son.

[1605] So at the time, they just been my three, four years ago.

[1606] And so I got him there, you know, kind of get them to bun because they're cousin.

[1607] They don't get to see each other.

[1608] So my son comes back and said, Mama, what's wrong with him?

[1609] I said, what, what do you mean?

[1610] What's wrong about?

[1611] He just wanted to sit there and let the water hit his balls and stuff.

[1612] Water hit his balls.

[1613] What water?

[1614] You know, they would go down in that walk -down pool.

[1615] Instead, my nephew would just set up there and let the water hit him between the legs.

[1616] Smart.

[1617] Smart kid.

[1618] And my son's like, I think he's gay.

[1619] I said, shut the fuck up.

[1620] He ain't gay.

[1621] And now, look, he was right.

[1622] I mean, he haven't came out yet.

[1623] You're not gay until you say.

[1624] All the single ladies.

[1625] I mean, my daughter was not gay until she told me over the phone.

[1626] We assumed she was gay.

[1627] Well, she was gay before that.

[1628] Yes, because she went to college just to eat pussy.

[1629] She went to college and lost her fucking mind.

[1630] Just to eat pussy?

[1631] I think her major was eating pussy.

[1632] She lost her mind in college.

[1633] Do you think you'd be more accepting of a girl?

[1634] daughter, a daughter being gay, or a son being gay?

[1635] Like if you, you think about your girl eating pussy, you know, I'm sure it's kind of, you know, it takes a while to get used to, but is that the same as your son taking it in the ass?

[1636] God, Jesus.

[1637] I mean, I would think that that would be...

[1638] I would think that would be on the hierarchy of sexual acceptance.

[1639] That would be a little bit more difficulty.

[1640] I don't know, Joe.

[1641] I'm glad my daughter's the stud in a relationship.

[1642] Right, that she's the woman.

[1643] Yes, that she's the woman.

[1644] What is her, her girlfriend like?

[1645] Like you.

[1646] Like you.

[1647] Bush chicks with, with, uh, with, uh, she was dating the white cheeks.

[1648] She just dumped her.

[1649] I liked her.

[1650] Oh my God, I like this white girl, but she, my daughter, a whore.

[1651] I told my daughter, I said, I'm so glad you gay because if you took as much dick as you eat much pussy, you would be war out.

[1652] War out.

[1653] War out.

[1654] It wouldn't be nothing down there.

[1655] She likes a little variety.

[1656] No, she just, she just, she, she just, she, you know.

[1657] She just, she is a whore.

[1658] Whoa, how dare it.

[1659] Not a whore.

[1660] Not like that.

[1661] I mean, she like, I think she just got, she switched them up too much.

[1662] Switch them up too much.

[1663] Yeah, I'm tired of this ho.

[1664] It's time to go on to the next one.

[1665] Hmm.

[1666] And she'd never say, they're my girlfriend.

[1667] She said, these are my friends.

[1668] So what do people say when they like a lot of sex?

[1669] Everybody's their friends.

[1670] That's what people say when they like a lot of sex?

[1671] I think so.

[1672] I've never heard that before.

[1673] I've never heard that before.

[1674] From girls or guys?

[1675] From girls, you know, you're dating different, hey, you show up with this, when you see somebody with different people all the time, and then they have like maybe six -month relationship and three -month relationship, and then you look up and they with somebody else.

[1676] To me, that's a person, that's a greedy -ass person.

[1677] Hmm, I haven't noticed that.

[1678] You know, one thing that guys do notice is when girls don't have any girlfriends, is when they only have a bunch of men friends.

[1679] There are girls that just have girlfriends.

[1680] Mm -hmm.

[1681] And to a gal, every one of those girls that I've ever met that just has male friends is just taking dick all over to the punishment.

[1682] Everybody don't fuck them.

[1683] And on the sneak tip.

[1684] On the sneak tip.

[1685] We're just fun.

[1686] We go play tennis.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] Fucking in the car everywhere.

[1689] Yeah.

[1690] I mean, I wouldn't know.

[1691] I don't do stuff like that.

[1692] I understand.

[1693] I wasn't going to treat my vagina like that.

[1694] I already started early.

[1695] That was a lot of stressed out.

[1696] I shouldn't say to a girl, because I do know some girls.

[1697] I should take that back.

[1698] I do know some girls.

[1699] Now it's so popular where they'll sleep with their girlfriends.

[1700] It is so popular?

[1701] Yeah, they don't get a fuck.

[1702] They have a relationship with our girlfriend.

[1703] So we just got high and tried something new.

[1704] And like, they hit each other on the ass.

[1705] Like, when my daughter was in high school, all the girls would hit each other on the ass.

[1706] And I'm like, where y 'all get up?

[1707] You know, you don't.

[1708] Wait a minute.

[1709] You say hit each other on the ass?

[1710] Yeah, you know, like they spank their ass or hit their tities.

[1711] Hit their tities?

[1712] Yeah, they bumped.

[1713] Is that really going on?

[1714] Where you come from, Joe?

[1715] You don't have teenage kids?

[1716] I grew up in Boston.

[1717] Oh.

[1718] It's too cold, titty bumping.

[1719] Yeah.

[1720] Well, I'm from the South.

[1721] Yeah, they do all kind of freaky stuff with each other.

[1722] Really?

[1723] Yeah, they kissed that girlfriend.

[1724] I never thought about doing shit like that.

[1725] It wasn't going on when I was a kid.

[1726] It's porn, man. It's so popular now because it's so front in your face.

[1727] Even when I'm a girl, I still won't get dressed in front of my girlfriend.

[1728] Well, bitch, I'm going in his bathroom and flip my house.

[1729] panties over they don't get my panties over what is it a pancake or a panty what the heck is going on down there making a steak are you you cooking a burger some shit was done on the other side oh lord so you turn them over inside out you turn them over inside out that's your remedy that's hilarious I'm just giving you a visual that's not a good visual I don't feel good girls don't give a fuck what they do these day they don't give a fuck I think Brian's right I think it's a porn thing because the shaving of the vaginas when I was in high school didn't exist girls had jungles down there and now every not that I know high school girls' pussies these days you're probably right but I would think that women today like the reason why they trim them like that is directly related to porn and like they will have sex now even when I was started young if you gave it up you wanted a relationship they don't they don't get a fuck you can have sex with me and they never got to speak to me again I just wanted to try it out like it's a fucking ice cream and if you didn't like it just throw it away wait a minute there was a lot of girls who used to fuck and didn't want relationships though that's not where I come from Indianapolis no I'm from Atlanta when girls would have sex with a man they wanted a relationship in my neighborhood yeah usually that was their boyfriend it wasn't just no random dude you know you would say that little lie are you gonna do you want to be my girlfriend check yes or no oh that shit yes so that's what I told my baby daddy even though he was 22 married I wanted a relationship And, you know, you give it up.

[1730] You wanted to be special.

[1731] Now they just have sex and they don't give a fuck.

[1732] Hmm.

[1733] I grew up where we had, like, girls that just wanted to fuck.

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] And they looked like, there was, like, a sewer behind her apartment.

[1736] And all, like, the popular kids would go down there and they'd go inside the sewer and fuck them in the sewer.

[1737] And the sewer.

[1738] And they would just, like, line up pretty much just to go.

[1739] Was it a, wait a, was it a drain pipe?

[1740] Drain ditch type thing.

[1741] So it's for water.

[1742] It's not sewer.

[1743] Sewer is where your shit water goes.

[1744] Oh, yeah.

[1745] It's just, like, rainwater.

[1746] It's like one of these huge tubes.

[1747] and it just emptied out into this big field, but it never had anything in there, so it would go way back in there and somebody put a couch back there at one point.

[1748] And this was like...

[1749] So you never had sex outside, Joe.

[1750] You would have to earn out, okay.

[1751] But not in the sewer.

[1752] Well, my kid's father was married.

[1753] The woods is normal.

[1754] And he didn't have no fucking money, so we did it all the time in the graveyard.

[1755] Graveyard's interesting.

[1756] Yeah, they're really nice.

[1757] Nobody there.

[1758] They're just looking.

[1759] Yeah, I used to run in graveyards.

[1760] I don't think about...

[1761] I try to do my roadwork, because I would remind me I was going to be dead someday.

[1762] I was going to be under this ground.

[1763] Does it not have any regrets?

[1764] Well, you, that's not true.

[1765] You can tell them to cook you and you just be floating in the ocean.

[1766] That's not what I mean.

[1767] I mean, it's being around, all they cook you and you'll be floating in the ocean.

[1768] Just being around cemeteries, like, remind you that this is a temporary thing.

[1769] That one day, you know, you'll either be dead in the ocean, float around.

[1770] Yeah.

[1771] Or, you know, you'll be.

[1772] Somebody will eat in the ocean.

[1773] Or you'll be buried.

[1774] Either way, the idea was that it reminded me. I want to be buried on top because I can't breathe down now.

[1775] I'm claustrophobic, so I want you to bury me on top of the ground.

[1776] Oh, like they do in New Orleans?

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] They have those.

[1779] Well, they do them in different places if you pay for them.

[1780] Well, they do in a lot of places where they have problems with the ground being underwater.

[1781] Like, what do they call the Crips?

[1782] I have no idea.

[1783] Yeah.

[1784] You know, they make those things out of cement and they build them up.

[1785] So you're all, everything's above ground.

[1786] When my mama passed away, I was.

[1787] 16, so I would go to a grave sometime.

[1788] So, my boyfriend bought her a little tombstone and stuff.

[1789] And I go out there one day with my silly ass.

[1790] She got an ant pile on top of her tombstone.

[1791] I go to my car and get gas and set it on fire.

[1792] What?

[1793] You set the anvil on fire because it was on your mother's tombstone?

[1794] Yes, and I was trying to get rid of the ass.

[1795] And I set it on fire.

[1796] You got to, so everybody's shit out there burning.

[1797] I'm about to get arrested.

[1798] So you So you were pouring gasoline I pulled just a little bit To kill the ant pile Because it was huge And I just could I wasn't thinking I was young Why was it on the stone It wasn't You know like Hors was flat Okay With the ground Like that And so they had built up This big ass pile Like were you on top Well not on top Like you know It was on there And I wanted to get it off I called myself Cleaning a grave And I go to my car Just a little gasoline Set that bitch on it And her boyfriend is buried next to him So he's burning She's burning I'm up there trying to put this shit out Her boyfriend was buried right next to her Her boyfriend was Yeah He bought the plot next to her When did he go?

[1799] I don't know Because after she died You know she just went to sleep And never woke up She wasn't sick I remember talking to her The week that she died Because she said Come over here and I was selling drugs So she was like Rabbit I need you come over here And pay my light bill Your mom called you rabbit Yeah Yeah.

[1800] I remember going to the clinic with my mama one day.

[1801] And my mama, you know, she was illiterate.

[1802] She couldn't read.

[1803] I love a rest of the soul.

[1804] But she couldn't spell all names.

[1805] So she said, rabbit, how to spell your real name.

[1806] And so this kid overheard her and said, your mama, dumb, she can't spell your name.

[1807] My mom says, shut up, bitch, you don't know me. I dropped out in the eighth grade, but I was on a ninth grade level.

[1808] So I'm standing there like, why the fuck did you say that?

[1809] That's stupid.

[1810] But it's because she was in the eighth grade and on ninth grade level.

[1811] She probably dropped out in the...

[1812] I don't know when she dropped out, but she dropped out.

[1813] Wow.

[1814] Your mom calling you rabbit's dark.

[1815] Why?

[1816] Because it's your crack selling name.

[1817] Well, it wasn't my crack selling name, then.

[1818] That was my nickname.

[1819] Oh.

[1820] It grew into my crack dealing name.

[1821] Oh.

[1822] Because you can't go on the street name your real name.

[1823] Everybody, you know, pooky, black, may, may, may, me, may, you know the shit they call us in the hood.

[1824] Everybody got a nickname.

[1825] I've watched those films.

[1826] You watched those films?

[1827] Yes.

[1828] Boys in the Hood, things along those lines.

[1829] Everybody got a nickname.

[1830] So how did you get rabbit then if it wasn't a crack dealing name?

[1831] Where did rabbit come from?

[1832] I don't know.

[1833] They say I like carrots, raw carrots when I was little.

[1834] But I've always been called rabbit.

[1835] Wow.

[1836] So it was like before you can remember you were a rabbit.

[1837] Yeah.

[1838] We had a kid in school.

[1839] We called him Onion.

[1840] Did you have a nickname?

[1841] Did you have a nickname Joe growing up for anything?

[1842] I never had a nickname.

[1843] Nobody, your mom didn't give anybody a nickname?

[1844] No. Like I got four kids and only one of them got a nickname.

[1845] Only because he's a junior.

[1846] You know, it's a sad.

[1847] of shit when people give themselves a nickname get the fuck out of here with that well that's what i want you guys to start calling me the the turbo that's like striples they get they self nicknames yeah but that's like a stage name you know like that's just so dudes can't be creeping on you i had the worst name people called me poof because my hair was so big like i had like the uh what was popular in that show that uh with 21 jump street no and the other one uh with uh dillon mackett Or what's it?

[1848] 902.

[1849] And I used to have, like, this kind of thing going on.

[1850] Right.

[1851] Everyone was like, hey, poof.

[1852] And it took me a while to get used to.

[1853] How long did that nickname stick?

[1854] From, like, high school.

[1855] To when?

[1856] All throughout high school?

[1857] Yeah.

[1858] All throughout high school?

[1859] So five years, you had poof?

[1860] And then, like, once in a while, somebody will run into me from my old days and be like, poof.

[1861] And I'm like, oh, gosh.

[1862] Well, you know, white kids really don't have nicknames.

[1863] So they're giving their self a nickname to be super cool.

[1864] No, white kids have nicknames.

[1865] There's a lot of white kids with nicknames.

[1866] It's not as popular.

[1867] As black.

[1868] But yeah, there's a lot of white kids.

[1869] I mean, black people.

[1870] Yeah, I know a lot of white kids who have nicknames.

[1871] I don't.

[1872] Yeah.

[1873] When I was a kid, when I lived in Newton, there was this part of Newton and still exists called the Lake, Newton North, where everybody calls everybody mush.

[1874] And it stuck.

[1875] It's one part of the country.

[1876] This one part of the city, there's one part of this one small suburb where everybody's like mush.

[1877] Mush, we've got to go down this fucking thing, mush.

[1878] We've got to get this fucking guy mush.

[1879] We've got to go to this movie mush.

[1880] We're going to go get something to eat, mush.

[1881] Is it based off mush mouth?

[1882] Nope.

[1883] I was going to say mush mouth, too.

[1884] It's like dude.

[1885] It's like their version of dude.

[1886] It's not even insulting.

[1887] Weird.

[1888] Yeah.

[1889] It still exists to this day.

[1890] My family say Badoe.

[1891] Badoe.

[1892] It's not a word.

[1893] I don't know what it is.

[1894] I didn't even realize until my husband called it.

[1895] My husband catch a lot of shit listening to me. Like use it in what way?

[1896] We're like, you know Bado over there Bidot.

[1897] Come on, Badoe.

[1898] Let's do this Bado.

[1899] Bado.

[1900] My whole family say Bado.

[1901] So they're talking about a person, like calling you Bado.

[1902] No, he's like, it's over there, Bidot.

[1903] But they're saying Badoe, like, to you, like, you're Bidot.

[1904] Yeah.

[1905] Like, we're going to do a podcast, Bidot.

[1906] Yeah.

[1907] That's how we talk.

[1908] We all talk like that.

[1909] I was like, why do y 'all say Badoe?

[1910] And I was like, we don't say Badoe.

[1911] And he's like, yes, you do say Bado.

[1912] You didn't realize you were saying it?

[1913] You still say it?

[1914] I do say Bado.

[1915] Do you ever say it on stage?

[1916] Does it slip out?

[1917] No, I say it with my family a lot.

[1918] Wow.

[1919] You know, because you don't want to go back in your family.

[1920] Thank you, Buzi.

[1921] Do you ever listen to some.

[1922] someone say you know so many fucking times you want to strangle them i've been listening to podcast lately and like and you know like there's some people that don't understand i mean i've been guilty of it myself but when you listen to it you realize it because it's a way of saying uh yeah some people say fucking this fucking guy with this fucking and what they're really saying is this um but they don't want to say um so they'll say this fucking or they'll say like you know it's like you know it's like you know this like you know and like oh my fucking god please stop saying that shit yeah comedians say that a lot yeah when they they're thinking on stage well sometimes it works like sometimes there's actually there's a reason to do it like you're setting something up or you're allowing the audience to think along with you i'm almost like after every joke you know yeah uh like you know like damn motherfucker then you rehearse today Oh, fuck Do you rehearse your material?

[1923] Yes You do?

[1924] Well, you know I've been shot a couple times So I need to get it going In my head Not like in the mirror Like I'm gonna say this That's the most cornyest That's some bullshit there I hate that shit Because when I first started You got to talk to yourself in the mirror I'm like what the fuck are you talking about Who told you have to talk to yourself in the mirror?

[1925] Fucking comedians Who don't know shit about coming You know just rehearsed you go on stage, you sound like a fucking, you're giving a speech.

[1926] And I was like, I sound robotic.

[1927] I don't want to do this bullshit.

[1928] So I just started, you know, stop that rehearsing, shit.

[1929] I go over my set, but I'm not going to go in the mirror and say, and then I said this, and then I was shot two times and duck.

[1930] No, I ain't going to do that bullshit.

[1931] Do you write down all the different things you want to talk about?

[1932] Yes, because my mind is always going, and I'm always remembering shit from my past and so much going on in my purse.

[1933] You know, you're a comic so damn to get a premise every day.

[1934] So, I mean, you know, know most of us do now do you worry that you're going to eventually run out of stories about your life shit hell i'm gonna run out of story i can't fucking wait to stop telling these stories to move on it's because it's gonna be challenging right now i'm i'm blessed with so much to talk about you know a lot of comics don't have an opportunity i see white boys ain't this shit they mama fucking cat jokes and dog jokes and they mama do their fucking laundry and i was like shut the fuck up white boy and go rob a look or so you can talk about something Yeah.

[1935] You fucking blessed fucker.

[1936] Yeah, you blessed fucker.

[1937] Go rob a liquor store already.

[1938] But yeah, I mean, we all, me prior.

[1939] I mean, prior started off with his whole life and eventually he moved on to shit in his current life.

[1940] Right.

[1941] You know, I have a current life.

[1942] A lot of the shit I talk about now is from my past, but I still have a current life.

[1943] I mean, that I haven't even really gotten to.

[1944] I can probably do, well, we're working on an hour now that's not even, it's only going to show just a small portion of my current life.

[1945] Are you going to put together a comedy special soon?

[1946] I'm working on it.

[1947] I hope so.

[1948] Yeah.

[1949] What do you, like, do you have a timeline?

[1950] Were you trying to do it?

[1951] Well, I'm talking to my manager, so we're back and forth trying to get it together first.

[1952] Mm -hmm.

[1953] Have you filmed anything?

[1954] Have you like that?

[1955] No. Nothing yet.

[1956] Sometimes it's good to just do a set somewhere, film it, and then just go over and say, I can expand on this.

[1957] Do you watch yourself?

[1958] Yes.

[1959] Well, the manager that I have forces me to watch and listen.

[1960] listen to myself.

[1961] I never did it before.

[1962] But it helps because, you know, I'm front of the stuff.

[1963] I can't talk with shit.

[1964] I fuck up some words.

[1965] And white people stay, what did you say?

[1966] Yeah, but it's good.

[1967] Like, when you, when you fuck up words, it's like, it's fun.

[1968] It's like, it's, it adds flavor to it.

[1969] Say, like, when I first moved from Georgia and then I had this joke about my mom was like, my mom would say, set your hot cock ass down.

[1970] Cock.

[1971] Hot, cock.

[1972] Hot, cock.

[1973] Cock is a dick.

[1974] Right.

[1975] But all these years, my mom been telling me to set my hot dick ass down.

[1976] So when I was doing a joke in the Midwest and I said hot cock and everybody like, what the fuck you got a cock?

[1977] Your mother used to say set your hot cock ass down.

[1978] All black parents say that.

[1979] Set your hot cock ass down.

[1980] Wait a minute.

[1981] I guarantee you all black parents do not say that.

[1982] Down south they do.

[1983] Down south.

[1984] Hot cock and I can call my brother right now.

[1985] I'm Googling that.

[1986] Yeah.

[1987] I'm going to Google set your hot cock ass down.

[1988] I guarantee you I'm not going to find shit.

[1989] Set your hot cock ass down.

[1990] Hot cock ass down.

[1991] Miss Pat.

[1992] First thing that comes up.

[1993] Mm. Nope.

[1994] Ew.

[1995] It's darkness.

[1996] First thing you find is a Craigslist ad for Phoenix.

[1997] Cock sucker wants to deep rim your ripe.

[1998] And that's the first.

[1999] I'm going to call my brother for you.

[2000] You didn't know you want.

[2001] cock transsexuals bear back city eight these are this is the uh keep that noise down your cock up hmm come down my throat you jizz free porn movies jules yeah yeah there's nothing my mama used to say set your hot cock ass down hmm nope I'm typing southern hot cock no I'm calling my brother for you so you go ahead I believe you I'm not it's not that I don't believe you it's just that I he's really funny you want to talk to him Other and cock.

[2002] Answer the phone.

[2003] He's probably fucking up somebody transmission.

[2004] Why is he a transmission specialist?

[2005] No, he's a fake -ass mechanic.

[2006] A fake mechanic?

[2007] Yeah.

[2008] What is a fake mechanic?

[2009] Who tell you he knows?

[2010] So he doesn't really know what he's doing?

[2011] Oh, he'll come back.

[2012] He'd say he fixed cars but really don't.

[2013] I mean, he ain't went to school for it.

[2014] He just be trying some shit.

[2015] So he just fucks around?

[2016] He fixed my car one time.

[2017] I had a, I had a SUV.

[2018] I'm on terror.

[2019] row so I needed a head job so he told me with the Spark Plus kept jumping out of the engine so they jumped out of the engine you know they kept coming out because they needed a he had stripped the heads on my car so instead of saying hey I fucked up your heads you know you need to get a head job this boy went on my back porch got my Bible cue spatula broke that bitch I'll stick it in the engine and screwed that gasket back down so I was like the car still running ragged so I was like fuck you you took my $300 I go to the dealers He took a barbecue spatula And he attached it to your You're lucky it didn't explode Look he said Look I pull up to the dealership I'm not lying And the man take the thing out He said ma 'am Who put a barbecue spatula in your engine?

[2020] I said that motherfucker And he charged me 300 dollars He charged you $300 to put a barbecue Spatula My good barbecue spatula That cost me $20 You know them real long Yeah yeah the nice ones Get away from the fire Yes Yes Yes.

[2021] He broke that bitch and stuck it in my engine.

[2022] That is ridiculous.

[2023] And I was like, why did you do that, motherfucker?

[2024] He was like, I was trying to keep your spark plugs in your engine.

[2025] That ain't how you do it.

[2026] Did he learn anywhere?

[2027] Did he go to school for that shit?

[2028] He's getting better.

[2029] Jesus.

[2030] He's getting better.

[2031] No more spatulas.

[2032] He's at the point where you can trust him with an oil change.

[2033] An oil change.

[2034] That's all.

[2035] I would let it up.

[2036] I would trust my daughter with an oil.

[2037] change.

[2038] No, just him, because he'll leave your...

[2039] That's not that hard.

[2040] Here's eight quarts.

[2041] This is where they go.

[2042] How fucking hard is that?

[2043] Yeah, boy, he is horrible.

[2044] Oh my God, that's hilarious.

[2045] He's learned.

[2046] I mean, it's hand -on training.

[2047] Where does he do it?

[2048] All in the line, he got a mobile business.

[2049] A mobile business.

[2050] As soon as he fuck up your car, he changes his number.

[2051] No, he doesn't.

[2052] Does he really?

[2053] I got three Anthony's in here all over his phone number.

[2054] That is fucking hilarious.

[2055] So he just fucks up people's cars, changes his number, and just gets ghost.

[2056] Get ghosts.

[2057] Do you hear me?

[2058] He told one lady, one lady said, one lady told him, she said, Anthony, you lied to me. You said, you were going to redo my car.

[2059] My brother said, look here, bitch.

[2060] One thing I don't do is I don't lie.

[2061] What I did was not tell you the truth.

[2062] She said, bitch, that's still lying, right?

[2063] He is hilarious.

[2064] What I do is not tell you the truth.

[2065] Yes, but he said he don't lie.

[2066] what's the difference nothing that's how stupid he is how did he start this mobile business of fixing people's cars because he's a convicted felon we all got business we can't work no well so he just started working on people's cars and just started bullshitting and figured it out along the way yes well my stepfather was a mechanic and so all my brother like him and my brother aunt and my brother and Tony they do mechanic work together right and so they just go out and fuck up people calls, but he fired Tony.

[2067] Tony gets Social Security now, so he fired Tony, so it's just him by himself.

[2068] He fired him because he gets Social Security?

[2069] Can't be a part of the team?

[2070] He said Tony, bro.

[2071] You know, Social Security will don't let you put in 20 hours before they cut your chick -hook.

[2072] I don't know why he fired Tony.

[2073] They fight all the fucking time.

[2074] So he just had to be a lone wolf out there fixing cars?

[2075] Yes.

[2076] Your phone over.

[2077] It's got too complicated shit for me. After the spatula, you put a fucking spatula in your engine.

[2078] That is hilarious.

[2079] Yes.

[2080] And then he, well, I got it running.

[2081] Did you say you want it running?

[2082] Yeah, motherfucker, but not just make it to the stop sign.

[2083] Yeah, not with a broken spatula inside.

[2084] A broken spatula.

[2085] I took that shit to the dealership.

[2086] That white dude could not stop laughing.

[2087] And I'm like, you laughing, but that's my good $15, $20 spasurer.

[2088] And I'm out of $300 for a half.

[2089] head job i thought i got wow and so he never gave you the money back hell no he got six kids he got six kids he got a set of triplets and then he has a um he has a few more outside kids from his wife outside kids what it yeah what did they like fucking feral cats outside kids they were kids that don't live in his house oh they don't live with him yes oh wow god damn that is crazy My family is crazy.

[2090] You should go on a Miss Pat family.

[2091] Well, Ms. Pat, I think what's going to happen next, okay?

[2092] What's already happened is you've got a book deal.

[2093] Yes.

[2094] What's going to happen next is you're going to have a fucking reality show.

[2095] I don't want a reality show.

[2096] Oh, why not?

[2097] I want a real show.

[2098] I mean, what does that mean?

[2099] You know, like, I mean, I ain't going to say I don't want a reality show, but.

[2100] You want a real show like you want to act.

[2101] Burning Mac.

[2102] Yes, Roseanne.

[2103] Right.

[2104] I understand.

[2105] That makes sense.

[2106] And you would be great at that.

[2107] However, what's really hilarious is the true stories.

[2108] You want me to put them people on TV, Joe?

[2109] Who's going to tame that shit?

[2110] That's worse than a honey -bo -bo -bo.

[2111] You don't have to tame it.

[2112] But what I'm saying is the difference between, like, if somebody gets a hold of your life and starts turning into a sitcom script, they're not going to do it justice.

[2113] They're just not.

[2114] Especially you get a bunch of white writers.

[2115] If it's cable.

[2116] Even if it's cable, they're really going to be able to capture it?

[2117] Yes, they capture the wire.

[2118] Yeah, but that's different.

[2119] The wire is all fiction, you know what I mean?

[2120] No, it's not.

[2121] I live that bullshit.

[2122] I don't know what you're talking about.

[2123] Not what I mean.

[2124] It's never happens.

[2125] I'm like someone wrote all those characters.

[2126] Yeah, because he was a guy that was a reporter in that neighborhood.

[2127] That's how that came about.

[2128] Go Google it.

[2129] What do you mean?

[2130] Who was a reporter?

[2131] The guy who wrote the book?

[2132] The guy wrote the book.

[2133] Yeah.

[2134] He was like a reporter.

[2135] Like, he would go out with the police and stuff when all of that stuff was happening.

[2136] And he just is, this is what I've heard from my role.

[2137] writer.

[2138] He just started to capture that stuff and ended up writing the book.

[2139] Well, I believe that.

[2140] A lot of that stuff really went on in D .C. I'm sure it did.

[2141] I know, I'm sure it did.

[2142] But the words that they put in their mouths was all created by writers and calculated and written out.

[2143] If you write stuff about, if you wrote a movie about my past, I mean, of course you're going to have to, you know, kind of twerk everything, but a lot of it would.

[2144] Yeah, tweak or whatever you call it, twerk.

[2145] You know, but a lot of it would be mispassed.

[2146] Right.

[2147] I believe you.

[2148] But no better way to show the real people than to show the real people.

[2149] Looking like what?

[2150] Come on.

[2151] A bunch of black people can't talk fighting over a card gang.

[2152] That would be fucking hilarious.

[2153] Yeah, for a little while.

[2154] But it wouldn't be hilarious.

[2155] Then here come Air Sharpener and, what is it?

[2156] Al Sharpton?

[2157] Jesse Jackson and all the other ones.

[2158] This is not how...

[2159] I don't want to hear all that shit from them.

[2160] You don't have to listen to them.

[2161] I don't talk.

[2162] They would only help you.

[2163] They would only help you.

[2164] You get to talk shit about them after they start talking.

[2165] I talk shit about them now.

[2166] But you can be talking shit even stronger if they gave you a hard time about your show.

[2167] Yeah, but I don't know.

[2168] Oh, believe me. Well, I'm not telling you what to do.

[2169] I mean, you do whatever you want to do.

[2170] I mean, I'm not going to say I would take anything because I can't see me being the silly fat chick.

[2171] That's not a role for me. Well, see, the thing is you don't need, the thing about a reality show is you don't need a role.

[2172] You could just miss Pat's world.

[2173] And you could narrate it.

[2174] You know, you could stand in front of the camera and go, we're about to meet my fucking brother Anthony who pretends he's a fucking mechanic.

[2175] This stupid motherfucker put a fucking spatula inside my edge.

[2176] You can tell that story.

[2177] You can do that.

[2178] Who's the crazy family that's on TV now?

[2179] I don't watch a lot of shows.

[2180] Which one?

[2181] Duck Dynasty?

[2182] No, not them.

[2183] Kardashians.

[2184] Oh, God.

[2185] It's a real sitcom.

[2186] Modern family.

[2187] Isn't it like that?

[2188] Modern family.

[2189] Yeah.

[2190] They're like that.

[2191] That's a funny show.

[2192] Have you seen Fresh Off the Boat?

[2193] No, but that's my friend Eddie Huang's story.

[2194] That fucking shit is...

[2195] Eddie Juan, dude, that shit is hilarious.

[2196] He's hilarious.

[2197] I had to go to the bathroom after watching that show.

[2198] You had to go to the bathroom.

[2199] And Pete.

[2200] Okay.

[2201] That shit had my stomach working.

[2202] I mean, muscles.

[2203] I was laughing.

[2204] Eddie Juan, if you ain't got nobody else to support you, I watch that shit every week.

[2205] My husband would record.

[2206] I love that show.

[2207] It's only two episodes in, but y 'all don't need to watch fresh out the boat.

[2208] Well, it's based on the story of his life.

[2209] that he wrote, and he is the narrator, and there's a little boy who plays him.

[2210] What's you on, the rapper?

[2211] The rapper dude?

[2212] There was a little boy.

[2213] The young boy who plays him.

[2214] And then there's Randall Park, who's a comedian and an actor.

[2215] He actually played Kim Jong -un in the...

[2216] Yeah, I'm talking about the funniest character is the little boy who think he's a rapper.

[2217] I haven't seen the show yet.

[2218] Well, that must be him.

[2219] That's him.

[2220] Yeah, it's a little boy, because he talks like a rapper.

[2221] Eddie talks like he's from Brooklyn and he grew up in Orlando.

[2222] That shit is funny.

[2223] Your friend's show is funny.

[2224] You need to watch it.

[2225] He's got a great show on Vice, too.

[2226] His show on Vice is called Off the Boat or Fresh Off the Boat with Eddie Wong.

[2227] No, that's on ABC.

[2228] No, no, no, he's got a Vice show.

[2229] Oh, I don't know what the VICE show is.

[2230] The Vice is this channel online, vice .com.

[2231] Oh, okay, okay.

[2232] And he has a show on Vice that's him, you know, like, he's a cook.

[2233] He's a very famous chef.

[2234] Okay.

[2235] Yeah, I mean, he's a very accomplished chef.

[2236] And that's like what he does for a living, but he's a hilarious fucking dude.

[2237] He's fucking, that show is.

[2238] that show is so funny and empire you've seen the empire I haven't seen empire it's really good too isn't you just sit around watching TV shows well my husband watching a lot of TV when I'm home when you're home yeah when I'm home I try to catch up this time with my husband you know you have to do stuff that your partner like so he like to watch a lot of TV especially when his gout flared up so what does he feel how does he feel about you like going on the road all the time now because he's like you guys been together for a while now all of a sudden you're the successful touring comedian he um he's in the beginning joe he was not supportive he did not think i was funny whoa no he actually said how can you not think you were funny because he said nobody i think it's the way he protect me because i was talking about my life you know oh i got a baby by married man and this moment shot me he was like and a lot of times a lot of those stories come out he was like what you shoot your wife in the chest for he was like i didn't fucking shoot her oh right right right so he didn't he was like the stuff is too dark for him and he still don't laugh he's supportive.

[2239] Oh, okay.

[2240] You know, he tried every nine then give me something to talk about and he helps me out every nine then.

[2241] So when he hears you on podcast and you're telling the stories and everybody...

[2242] He doesn't listen.

[2243] Why not?

[2244] I don't know.

[2245] He only see me live one time.

[2246] What?

[2247] One time.

[2248] What?

[2249] That seems crazy.

[2250] He came to...

[2251] I used to open for Cat Williams, so we was in Kentucky and Cat has over like 20 -something thousand tickets.

[2252] And my cat was like, your husband should come out and see you and I was like my husband never going to come see me he said call him up I call my husband cat got on the phone was like I want you to come see your wife I pay I fly you and the kids and he's like well we live in Kentucky he said well jump in a runner car and I pay for it and he's like you ain't got to do that I come so he came down there 20 ,000 people and cat let me go out second and everybody was doing 15 he said go do 25 for your husband and I fucking killed and my kids said The whole time my husband was ducking in the chair like that.

[2253] Like, I hope she'd be funny.

[2254] I hope she'd be funny.

[2255] And that changed this whole outlook on me. Yeah, I would imagine.

[2256] Shit.

[2257] 20 ,000 fucking people.

[2258] The first time you ever see your wife on stage.

[2259] Wow.

[2260] Yeah.

[2261] Wow, that's crazy.

[2262] The first time he ever saw you on stage, 20 ,000 people.

[2263] That had to be so strange to him.

[2264] Knowing you for so long.

[2265] Yeah.

[2266] Never came.

[2267] Wow.

[2268] And did you crush it?

[2269] I crushed it.

[2270] Yes, I did.

[2271] Damn, I bet you did.

[2272] I bet you did.

[2273] So he, like, he'll watch stuff.

[2274] Like, you know I'm about to be on comedy, Central Arshafir.

[2275] So he probably will record it and watch it when I'm not home.

[2276] Watching when you're not home.

[2277] He doesn't want to be, he doesn't want you to be around when he's watching it?

[2278] I can't watch myself on TV because then you're, oh, you're fat, you're sweating.

[2279] Oh, look at my neck.

[2280] You know.

[2281] You're fat, you're sweaty.

[2282] Oh, look at my neck.

[2283] For some reason, it was hiding that damn place where we shot.

[2284] And my man, I was sweating my ass on.

[2285] That plays the strip club.

[2286] Yeah, I know.

[2287] That's cheetahs.

[2288] That's cheetahs in Hollywood.

[2289] So I was fucking hot and I was just looking at the preview and I was like, holy fuck, I'm sweating.

[2290] That's hilarious.

[2291] So I won't watch it.

[2292] What is it like working with Kat Williams?

[2293] He was really nice.

[2294] You know, it was 2012, 2012, I think.

[2295] And the week I got the gig with Kat, my father had passed that Monday and they called me that Wednesday.

[2296] They tell me I was going on tour.

[2297] So my dad had counsel And for his insurance policy to kick him forward He needed to be alive to August He died in 11th He needed to be alive to August 2012 Because he had that type of policy He had just moved, you know, with me So he had that type of policy He had to be alive for so long And he didn't make it And we didn't have no fucking money to bury him So my husband was like, well I just go on my save And I was like, well let me see what I can do On top of getting all of my brothers and sisters Up here to come to the funeral Because we didn't have enough money to ship him home and Cat William heard me on the phone telling my brother, I said, well, wait till I get paid from this gig, and I'm going to get y 'all up here, but I still got to pay $9 ,000 for Daddy if you don't know the fuck it's coming from, because they only gave me $4 ,000.

[2298] Kat overheard me say that, went to the fucking room and brought me like five Gs back to bury my daddy.

[2299] I had not hit the stage that night, not one time.

[2300] And he was like, here's your money, you know, go bury your daddy and come back.

[2301] And I was like, you don't have to do this.

[2302] He was like, I can pay you back.

[2303] He was like, you don't owe me nothing.

[2304] Don't know me from dick out of water.

[2305] Wow.

[2306] And he helped me bury my daddy.

[2307] That's when people say somebody else, like, fuck you.

[2308] I mean, I was opening for somebody on a regular, and they didn't even offer a bitch flowers for my daddy.

[2309] I don't know my, I don't know, Kat Williams.

[2310] But my take on Kat Williams, like, when he does all this crazy shit, is he's so fucking funny that you have to be crazy to be that funny.

[2311] That's how I feel.

[2312] He's very funny and very intelligent.

[2313] You know, you see that character.

[2314] that he does but if you talk to him smart as hell i believe that i had a um interview that i listened to that changed the way i prepare for shows and it was him he was talking about how he doesn't eat before shows and i thought about i was like you know what i've eaten before shows and not felt good like i felt all weighed down by food i'm like that's smart so i'm going to do that too so i give myself two hour window i will not eat with two hours before show the same window i give myself for like working out it's smart you know this is a smart thing that he said and uh you know, he's talking about preparing.

[2315] He has music that he listens to.

[2316] He do.

[2317] Special music right before shows.

[2318] He got holes rubbing his hands and his shoulders.

[2319] But he's so funny.

[2320] Like all this different shit that happens to him.

[2321] Like he said, he did his last special when he goes, when you're standing next to Shug Night and you're the one getting arrested.

[2322] That's when you know you fucked up.

[2323] Very funny.

[2324] You know, I don't like to hear people when they talk about.

[2325] you know people when they go through shit i was like because you really don't know you really don't know the situation you just on the outside looking in you fucking internet thugs i hate that shit well there's always going to be people that love to cast rocks to throw rocks of people that are fucking up that's what i'm learning in this business you know we're talking about before the podcast before brian showed up people that are fucking with you that are saying a bunch of mean shit to you yeah somebody on they like i said coming to central release my internet version and somebody called me a black cunt, and I'm like, you's an ignit bitch, because cunt don't even ring bells in the hood.

[2326] You got to call me a bitch to get me riled up.

[2327] The cunt doesn't work in the hood?

[2328] No, we're a fucking cunt.

[2329] No, a bitch might get you slapped, but cunt.

[2330] What the fuck is a cunt?

[2331] I don't, fuck you.

[2332] Nothing, huh?

[2333] Yeah, but, you know, I used to get...

[2334] Working on white checks.

[2335] Yes, it does.

[2336] I heard a white boy call a white girl a cunt, and this bitch broke out.

[2337] I was like, what the fuck is a cunt?

[2338] What's wrong?

[2339] So I had to go ask my friend, why is she crying?

[2340] He was like, that's like calling you a bitch, a N -word.

[2341] I was like, holy fuck, keep crying, white girl.

[2342] You want me to help you whoop his ass?

[2343] I don't know why Cun has so much of a power over white women, but it just...

[2344] It does.

[2345] It doesn't affect black women, bitch, dude.

[2346] But you know what it doesn't work on white women in England?

[2347] Everybody's cunt over there.

[2348] England and Ireland, everybody calls everybody cunt.

[2349] He's a funny cunt.

[2350] He's a funny cunt, isn't he?

[2351] And they'll ask your question.

[2352] Ms. Pat, she's a funny cunt, isn't she?

[2353] Oh, wow.

[2354] But they only really say it about women, though.

[2355] It's more like a man thing.

[2356] They're called men cunts.

[2357] Oh, wow.

[2358] But it's like almost a term of endearment.

[2359] Not over here for white women.

[2360] Yeah, it's weird.

[2361] It's weird how that works.

[2362] White women don't like cunt, and they don't like crow's feet.

[2363] Then the two things that pisses them off.

[2364] Crow's feet.

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] You mean, like, the lines near your eyes?

[2367] Yeah.

[2368] I see them in the makeup shop.

[2369] They'll scare the crow's feet like a black man with a pistol.

[2370] I see him in a makeup shop, just filling them bitches in.

[2371] I'm like, let it go, girl, it's okay.

[2372] Let it go.

[2373] Well, a lot of, like, blonde ladies especially, they have that weird skin that gets real brittle and thin.

[2374] Like, thin skin does not age well.

[2375] Like, one thing about black people and about dark skin people, Latinos, especially, they age better.

[2376] Because they have, like, a thicker, like, they have thicker skin, you know, Italian women.

[2377] They have thicker skin.

[2378] like there's something about like white really white people they have that really thin skin i have a friend and he's my age and this motherfucker looks like he's 80 years old and it's because he's fucking blonde too much sun a little bit of sun but deep deep cracks like all over his face and his mouth i mean he looks really really old it's weird it's weird when you're around him you know it's like wow he's only 47 years old and he looks like he's i dated this girl that had such thin skin that every time she would take a shower, you could see her whole entire circulatory system or circulars.

[2379] You know what I mean?

[2380] Like every single thing.

[2381] The veins?

[2382] Well, that's newborn white babies.

[2383] I used to be a medical system.

[2384] That's newborn white babies.

[2385] I didn't make this shit up.

[2386] That is true, though.

[2387] Some white girls were really thin.

[2388] I didn't know that was thin skin.

[2389] You could see their veins and their tits.

[2390] And it was something about the shower.

[2391] When she would get out, you could actually see the blood just flowing around her body.

[2392] And it was I remember it was really concerned with the boobs.

[2393] Yeah.

[2394] Really what?

[2395] It was a really concern or concentrated around the boobs.

[2396] Like a lot of veins going into the boobs and around the boobs for some reason.

[2397] It freaked me out.

[2398] But you still fucked it in.

[2399] I did.

[2400] You got to do what you got to do.

[2401] Like I used to be a medical sister and they would bring the little white babies in that because it was a white doctor's office.

[2402] And the little babies would be, you could just get them naked and they look like she's just running through them.

[2403] Like something cut on and I was like, holy fuck.

[2404] Yeah.

[2405] I mean, it was really good.

[2406] good when you got ready to stick them because you knew not to hit the veins so you know you give them but it was really creepy yeah veins are creepy like they i have zero veins so whatever i have to give blood they have to like stick it in there and grind around and try to find it and usually takes them like a butterfly it's not that you have zero veins you just have high body fat content yeah that's all they hide yeah you lose you lose about 10 pounds your fucking vein will swim back to the top yeah it's not and the girl who was with the see -through body she was skinny right yeah she's right yeah yeah well you can't see through my body see through body yeah there's something about that white skin that's well that's also this guy that I know that uh is looks old he's already gotten skin cancer too he's already tan a lot he had a well not tan he just goes outdoors and doesn't put sunscreen on but he had a big chunk removed off of his head oh Jeremiah Watkins just had a big chunk removed from his back right yeah another white comedian had this huge chunk taken out of his back because he had like a he just didn't do anything about it he had like this like a skin cancer like mole thing that started getting changing colors and I know quite a few people that have had skin cancer removed from their body you know malignant non malignant benign you know whatever it is different kinds of like cancerous moles super common my mom every couple months and I have so many moles that I should get this checked out I probably have it somewhere well go get get it checked out because that shit becomes systemic and you're fucked well i'm glad i'm black yeah black people very rarely well bob marley died of skin cancer got it on his foot yeah bob marley got skin cancer i believe it was between his toes no yeah what wait wait boy molly the manager uh was there's one of a manager it's supposedly killed him what i don't know hendricks you're thinking of hendricks yeah yeah the cancer that's killed it's genetically different the uh this is interesting the skin cancer that killed bob marley is genetically different and is not caused by the sun hmm they've sequenced the DNA of a rare uh type of melanoma that caused uh bob marley's death that's really interesting bob marley's died of skin cancer yep it's called aquil melanomas the rare type of skin cancer yeah and you couldn't get the toe off the say to me i don't i don't think he probably knew what was going on he probably thought it was diabetes on his toe yeah my mama had a um my mama had a sore on her feet on her foot for years and she tried to treat it herself with fucking vaseline and shit well that yeah the diabetes thing it's like a circulatory thing it's like a like uh is doesn't it well it started she failed and she um she it was a little sore and she just wouldn't treat it and it just kept getting bigger and bigger so when she finally went to the doctor they cut her foot off.

[2407] Ooh, God.

[2408] They cut her leg off.

[2409] Ooh.

[2410] Yeah, that happens a lot of people with diabetes.

[2411] That's so bad.

[2412] My mama and daddy had one leg.

[2413] God damn.

[2414] Jesus Christ.

[2415] They probably in heaven bump and thubb, bumping nubs now.

[2416] You know, it's a weird thing that diabetes, that's a scary one.

[2417] It doesn't sound like a disease until you fucking get sick from it.

[2418] Yeah.

[2419] You know, oh, I got diabetes.

[2420] It's almost like so.

[2421] I got crabs.

[2422] As long as I maintain them, they won't kill me. Well, that's what killed Patrice.

[2423] I know.

[2424] I don't die from diabetes.

[2425] Yeah, it overweight people.

[2426] Very, very similar.

[2427] All right, Joe.

[2428] Sitting there with nice, chested ass.

[2429] Talking about me and Red Band about to die.

[2430] I didn't say Red Band's about to die.

[2431] Oh, really?

[2432] Just me?

[2433] Just me, Joe.

[2434] Well, that's why we're trying to get you a trainer.

[2435] I'm trying to make you not pour too much coffee, sugar in your coffee.

[2436] Well, what do I'm supposed to do with it?

[2437] With what, your coffee?

[2438] Yes.

[2439] Put the buttercream you're trying to get me?

[2440] The stevia stuff is good.

[2441] Man, that stuff is poison.

[2442] Stevia?

[2443] All of it.

[2444] How do you say that?

[2445] No, that's fake.

[2446] It's a plant extract.

[2447] Oh.

[2448] It's not fake.

[2449] It's a plant extract.

[2450] How do you know?

[2451] Well, you know everything.

[2452] You read.

[2453] There's people that are concerned about stevia because they think that anything that's artificial gives your body this glucose response because it's not actually sweet or it's not actually sugar that your body gets confused but it's still better than diabetes whatever that fake my take is if you get cancer from stevia something fucking wrong with you what yeah that's somebody just said something about splendor they think splendor is giving people counsel well they do all those fucking crazy study one like one time they say oh get a birthday get a mammogram every year.

[2454] Now they're saying, you can go three years without worry about your titties.

[2455] Three years.

[2456] Two, three years without getting a mammogram now.

[2457] That doesn't seem right.

[2458] Yeah, some insurance only pay like every two, three years.

[2459] I go every year.

[2460] So the insurance company just doesn't want to pay for it.

[2461] Yeah, of course, because your tithes ain't sick, you know.

[2462] How do they know your tithes ain't sick?

[2463] How do they know, Ms. Pat, that your titty's sick?

[2464] Somewhere, some little white dude want to save some money.

[2465] Hey, cut out the extra money for tities.

[2466] What will happen when your teeth?

[2467] to get sick and you ain't got shit to suck.

[2468] That's what I'm saying.

[2469] Yeah, so I take my titties in every year.

[2470] Good idea.

[2471] Aspartame is supposed to be really bad for you.

[2472] And that shit was connected to Donald Rumsfeld had something to do with that shit getting passed.

[2473] Asper Tame is terrible.

[2474] You watch that.

[2475] What is it in?

[2476] A lot of sweeteners, a lot of diet sodas and shit.

[2477] I don't drink diet sodas.

[2478] I just been drinking water.

[2479] I love Chick -fil -Aid lemonade.

[2480] Chick -fil -A is good Chick -fil -A is the shit Everywhere I go They Christian people That know how to make some good chicken And have you noticed Their employees are never ugly At Chick -fil -A?

[2481] They don't have ugly employees They leave them to McDonald's And churches and shit like that I never knows that Are you sure?

[2482] Yes, I've never seen an ugly person at Chick -fil -A Hmm They keep him in the back Hmm My son, look, I love Chick -fil -A so much My 14 -year -old son I got a job there so I can get a discount.

[2483] You told him to get a job there?

[2484] Hell yeah, I took him up there.

[2485] That's hilarious.

[2486] That's hilarious.

[2487] He got a job.

[2488] How much of a discount?

[2489] Is it really worth your son working on Chiquet?

[2490] Hell yeah.

[2491] When you go two, three times a day.

[2492] Well, what the fuck are you talking about this diet?

[2493] You go on Chitfil -A.

[2494] They got grilled nuggets.

[2495] Oh, they got grilled nuggets.

[2496] So healthy.

[2497] This is definitely healthy.

[2498] Well, this is before I started exercising.

[2499] I'm in there almost a year now.

[2500] Oh, I see.

[2501] I see.

[2502] Teach him how to work.

[2503] And being a little for the discount, but more to let him know that to get anything in this world, you've got to work for it.

[2504] Right, including grilled nuggets.

[2505] Yes.

[2506] For mommy.

[2507] Get Mommy a discount.

[2508] Yes.

[2509] Your first job is your mother's favorite restaurant.

[2510] Can you say that about yourself?

[2511] No, I cannot.

[2512] Okay.

[2513] Well, how do your kids feel about you being on TV and being a famous comedian now?

[2514] Oh, they love it.

[2515] and all the white neighborhood.

[2516] They just love it.

[2517] Do they?

[2518] Yes.

[2519] They must, right?

[2520] Mm -hmm.

[2521] That's got to make them proud.

[2522] You know, I got two sets of kids, and I say this on stage.

[2523] I have a set of Medicaid kids and a set of Blue Cross Blue Shire kids.

[2524] And I have a great bit I'm working on about this, but, you know, my Blue Cross, Blue Shire kids live with me. Like, my kids, like, my first kids grew up, they got free lunch, it was on where I felt.

[2525] You know, they was there with mama with the struggle.

[2526] Well, mom and daddy, well, you know, now we're well off.

[2527] We're okay.

[2528] We ain't well off.

[2529] We okay.

[2530] We ain't, ain't real struggles like it used to be with my first son of kid.

[2531] So my, I call my Blue Cross Blue Shia kids, like, they won't eat free lunch.

[2532] They won't eat free lunch.

[2533] Uh -uh.

[2534] And that's, they said, that's for poor people.

[2535] Whoa.

[2536] Yeah, they would not eat fucking free lunch.

[2537] And my daughter tell, now, I don't know if you got any teenager, but my motherfucking teenager, I lost her mind.

[2538] She told me last week.

[2539] And you know, I don't want to cut my kids out Because we live in the suburbs Right My daughter is going to say Mama, everybody come to school With a Starbucks cup I'm going to need you to take me The Starbucks at 640 So I can walk in school With a Starbucks cup I said, motherfucker You better go get you a cup now And put you some hot chocolate in that bitch When you get on that bus It looks like you been to Starbucks I ain't getting out my goddamn bad To take you no Starbucks What the fuck you think I am?

[2540] I ain't that type of mama To make you look cool So everybody in school wants to look cool by walking a school with a Starbucks car.

[2541] Yes, all the white kids, parents get up out of day fucking bed in Midwest in the snow and take their little white kids to Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts so they can be cool.

[2542] Look what I got.

[2543] Well, fuck you.

[2544] You better get you a cup and reuse that bitch.

[2545] Like you've been to Starbucks every day.

[2546] I got plenty of hot chocolate in the kitchen.

[2547] Is it hot chocolate that these kids are getting or is it coffee?

[2548] They get the mocha, woka, all that old fast and shit.

[2549] You know with the strawberry.

[2550] I'm fucking super sweet.

[2551] Moka woka.

[2552] Frappuccino.

[2553] That's what my daughter.

[2554] I'm like, you already.

[2555] Papachino, that's so much sugar.

[2556] And they get it every day.

[2557] And she already fat.

[2558] So I'm like, you really don't need this bullshit.

[2559] That shit is so bad for you.

[2560] People drink that and they think they're drinking coffee.

[2561] Like, you're drinking a fucking shake.

[2562] It's a milkshake.

[2563] It's a shake.

[2564] If you go to my Starbucks in the morning or at 2 .30 after the schools, and it's just a line up the door.

[2565] It's.

[2566] I'm telling you.

[2567] My daughter go up there to study.

[2568] What the fuck?

[2569] I ain't never studied inside no restaurant.

[2570] A lot of people study at Starbucks.

[2571] Every time I go there, it's filled with laptops.

[2572] It's ridiculous.

[2573] Yeah, and it's loud.

[2574] Well, they set up, people wear headphones.

[2575] They set it up where they have these nice tables.

[2576] They have coffee right there, and it's free Wi -Fi.

[2577] And my daughter do study groups there.

[2578] Pick me up from Starbucks.

[2579] I said, look, I'm not built like that.

[2580] Whoa, you're not built like a picker -upper from Starbucks?

[2581] I'm not a soccer mom.

[2582] I'm not hauling you and the ugly ass choosing around.

[2583] You better.

[2584] You better walk your ass down.

[2585] the street and I meet you.

[2586] Whoa.

[2587] should be wanting to do extra shit.

[2588] I don't want to do extra shit with your friends, okay?

[2589] Wow.

[2590] I don't want to do extra shit.

[2591] What do you mean by extra shit?

[2592] Pick them up for study group.

[2593] The motherfuckers ain't studying.

[2594] You don't want to pick them up for study group because it's extra shit?

[2595] Yeah, because I'm in the house probably in my underwear, watching TV.

[2596] So you don't want to get out of your underwear to take your daughter to study?

[2597] My daughter's about to be 17 this month.

[2598] I don't tell her to learn how to drive.

[2599] She said, I don't want to learn how to drive because technically you're responsible for me until I'm 18.

[2600] That's what technically you need it.

[2601] You guys are having those kind of arguments?

[2602] Technically, you're responsible?

[2603] She's telling you that you're, well, that's a difference.

[2604] So I'm between the Blue Cross Blue Shield kids.

[2605] This is the Blue Cross Blue Shield kids.

[2606] I know, that's what I'm saying.

[2607] My Medicaid kid would have a walk fucking home.

[2608] That's what I'm saying.

[2609] Exactly.

[2610] So you're seeing the difference like a soft life.

[2611] A big difference.

[2612] Yes.

[2613] That's why you don't want to do that extra shit.

[2614] No, I don't want to do that.

[2615] Like, like, like.

[2616] I'm telling you, Joe, my husband, before my niece moved, then, we would have to sit at the table.

[2617] My husband say, you should allow the kids to vent.

[2618] Personal, I say, fuck you.

[2619] Allow them to vent.

[2620] Yes.

[2621] We get at the table and hear what they did at school today.

[2622] I dropped out of school.

[2623] I don't go to fuck what you did at school.

[2624] First of all, I don't, what I don't care what they did at school?

[2625] No. They're not kindergarten.

[2626] They're high schoolers.

[2627] They're not smoking.

[2628] No. You don't want to talk to them?

[2629] I talk to them.

[2630] every day.

[2631] Hey, hi, hey, uh, bye.

[2632] I'm going in my room and get into me. That's it.

[2633] You don't communicate.

[2634] Joe, my daughter go on and on and on about bullshit.

[2635] That's what kids do.

[2636] I don't want to hear that shit.

[2637] That's part of being a child.

[2638] I know.

[2639] And then such, such got arrested for smoking weed.

[2640] And then such and such is on pill.

[2641] I don't know them motherfuckers.

[2642] I personally don't care.

[2643] I got real shit.

[2644] Like I need to hit pay on my fucking computer to pay the bills.

[2645] I don't want to hear this bullshit you going through.

[2646] You know, Such as having sex My daughter is still a virgin Thank God But I'm like If you would start fucking You would have something to talk about Oh my God I don't say that to her I don't say that to her So if she starts fucking Then you'll talk to her About some shit No I don't want to start fucking What are you saying What the fuck are you saying?

[2647] I don't want to talk to Okay You don't want to talk to your kids That's so crazy My husband Listen to that shit And yeah poppy Such does such got arrested They're on pills They're getting high So I asked I said oh you getting high No man I'm saying What shut the fuck up Well that's You're talking the kids.

[2648] Like, that's part of raising kids.

[2649] You got to talk to them.

[2650] You just want to push him out the door.

[2651] Yes.

[2652] Get the fuck out of my house.

[2653] My husband, listen, he's very patient.

[2654] We have to set because your husband, this is his first set of kids and your second set of kids.

[2655] Yes.

[2656] Wow.

[2657] So we get at the dinner table and my daughter want to just go on and on and on.

[2658] That's what kids do, though.

[2659] They're developing human beings.

[2660] I was told shut the fuck up.

[2661] You were told shut the fuck up, but you were also But I don't say shut the fuck up.

[2662] But you know all the different cycles that we talked about that you broke?

[2663] I know but come on Joe be honest you really don't want to hit a bullshit but you do it because you're faking the parenthood.

[2664] No I mean I listen but I don't respond I'm like in my head I'm like can you shut the fuck up nobody want to hear this fucking high school shit oh God you're talking to their human beings that's what they're going through.

[2665] I don't say this to her but course it's not high school shit to them it's their little lives it ain't no fucking life you get your mom and dad a baby Your mom and dad pay for your food We pay for everything I mean All you're doing is living And making decent grades No, they're alive They're experiencing life Yeah, okay What do you mean?

[2666] Yeah, okay And you know that's what my husband Say is like everybody Wasn't raised like you You're reacting to the way you were raised And you're expecting your kids To realize you were You were raised in a harsh environment And your other kids lived a harsher life Than they're living And they should just shut the fuck up That's what you're saying I don't say that to them But that is what you're saying.

[2667] I don't want to hear that bullshit.

[2668] I don't hear no high school shit, Joe.

[2669] But that's part of life.

[2670] I know.

[2671] I'm just saying she ain't going to listen to this podcast.

[2672] I don't want to hear that bullshit.

[2673] I mean, you don't, I mean, I can't even relate to your friend getting high.

[2674] I don't know your fucking friend.

[2675] Well, don't you, I mean, look, if you were talking to her and she was five years old and she was telling these stories, would you have the same reaction?

[2676] Right, you'd be concerned.

[2677] Yeah.

[2678] But at 16, you're like, you're on your own.

[2679] I mean, I live.

[2680] Listen, but I don't want to hear it.

[2681] I'm saying, I don't want to hear the bullshit about who getting high, who having sex and who this.

[2682] All she's doing is telling other people business.

[2683] But don't you want to talk to her about life?

[2684] Don't you want to, like, coach her?

[2685] So you do talk to her about different shit.

[2686] Well, you know, I tell you this.

[2687] With my second set of kids, my daughter is attached to her daddy, like, I mean, he's the world to her.

[2688] So she don't really come to me. We got that bun where we deal with each other, but we really don't get along.

[2689] What?

[2690] We're the same people.

[2691] Like, she's very fucking, she's very fucking funny.

[2692] She's very snappy.

[2693] She's very, like, okay, I think, my daughter think she's smarter than me. And to her, she is smarter to me because I didn't have no kids at 15.

[2694] I didn't drop out of school.

[2695] I didn't sell drugs.

[2696] You know, she got a better life.

[2697] So in her head, she's way, she's no more shit than I do.

[2698] Let her tell it.

[2699] She's smarter than me. So I don't fuck with her, you know.

[2700] I don't talk to her that much.

[2701] So she judges you by all.

[2702] I think she judges me. Your past failures?

[2703] Um, somewhere.

[2704] I shouldn't you say failures.

[2705] Your past.

[2706] Like, she's talking about something like she was talking one day about history.

[2707] And if I don't know something, I'm not a shame.

[2708] I say I don't fucking know it.

[2709] That's what my Ms. Troop taught me. You know, if you don't know, then tell a person you don't know, the dumbest question is the question I asked is what I was taught.

[2710] So she was talking something about history.

[2711] And I was like, what are you talking about?

[2712] She was like, how dare you not know this?

[2713] I'm like, uh, bitch.

[2714] This is what I say to myself.

[2715] You know, I got mad because I'm like, if I knew it, I wouldn't.

[2716] ask you.

[2717] She said, how dare you not know?

[2718] Yeah, how dare you not know this?

[2719] What was it that you were talking about?

[2720] She was talking about history, something about Hitler.

[2721] I mean, Ari is the first Jew friend that I really knew.

[2722] I mean, Jews, the black people is just Jesus Christ.

[2723] We thought he was the only Jew in the whole world.

[2724] So when you talk to her about Hitler and you don't understand?

[2725] Well, she was talking to her father about history that day.

[2726] And then she said something and she looked at me and said, what you know about history.

[2727] And I said, I know three motherfuck got killed in Chicago last night.

[2728] And she was like, that's not history.

[2729] I said, where I'm from?

[2730] And she didn't like it.

[2731] She got mad at it.

[2732] Well, she kind of got mad, so she thinks she's smarter.

[2733] So I asked her, I said, well, she was like, I'm so much smarter than you.

[2734] I said, uh, no. Yeah.

[2735] Yeah.

[2736] And I said, no, you're not.

[2737] You can't turn cocaine into crack.

[2738] Oh, Jesus.

[2739] Oh, shit.

[2740] You told her that?

[2741] That's what you said to her?

[2742] And my husband's like, don't say that to the babies.

[2743] I'm like, this fuck a fucking 250 pounds.

[2744] This ain't no baby oh my god this motherfucker 250 pounds this ain't no baby that's the openness isn't in my house oh my god that's hilarious you should bring her next time I would love her you're love her because she's going she's like I'm telling you Joe there'll be no 15 year olders on this podcast no she's 16 she's 17 I don't give a fuck if she's 20 there'll be no under 21 on this podcast ever no you would love her because she know everything you know I do not want to hear On and on.

[2745] No, you know, I tell you, she's so fucking funny.

[2746] You think she should be a comic?

[2747] I want her to be.

[2748] Do you?

[2749] Let me tell you.

[2750] So, she told me the other day.

[2751] Like, she actually, she can write jokes.

[2752] Like, she'd give me, if I'm working on something, she's like, what do you think about this?

[2753] So I'm in the car another day.

[2754] And she said, Mama, you remember the time you wanted, I wanted you to go to the children museum with me in Indianapolis?

[2755] And I was like, yeah, I couldn't go because I had a gig.

[2756] And she said, at that museum, it was crazy.

[2757] I said, what?

[2758] each hallway represented a time in history.

[2759] They started like at the 50s, 60s.

[2760] So, you know, the whole segregation shit, you know, white people skiing black people down the street.

[2761] And then she said they had this little black man hanging.

[2762] And then she said, did you know the KKK had albums?

[2763] And I was like, what do you mean?

[2764] They're like, yeah, they made music.

[2765] They're like, keep the race, keep black people, you know, all this bullshit, whatever she was telling me. Then she said she got to the 70 hall.

[2766] It was an LSD.

[2767] She said she got to the 80.

[2768] It was a term of rap.

[2769] music and crack epidemic and you know teenage pregnancy and then you say you got to the last hall when they get on the way out of the door was Obama and she said all her white friends was like oh this is the worst hallway and she's like oh did you not see that black man back down this is the worst hallway because Obama's in it?

[2770] Yeah it's because a lot of Republicans what we live at you know oh that's hilarious so they're upset and Obama's the president and the kids are that's the worst hallway out of all of them And my daughter's like, did you not see that black man back there hanging and listen to that music?

[2771] That she is so fucking funny, Joe.

[2772] And I said, you sure you was at a church in a museum?

[2773] She's saying, when she saw the KKK hanging in a black person, she's like, what kind of church and a museum is this?

[2774] Wow.

[2775] So she's just fucking funny.

[2776] And she said, so some of her white friends like, I'm so sorry.

[2777] I'm so sorry.

[2778] She's like, don't be sorry for me. That's your history.

[2779] That's hilarious Yes, that's how funny she is There's a lot of white people in the Midwest That are mad at Obama Huh?

[2780] Yeah, they blame the country's woes On the president Yes I don't You know, I think I think with the whole Obama I think some of them just racist They don't want to have a black leader Oh for sure 100%.

[2781] Yeah You know, and I don't like using the race car Because I say everybody ain't racist I say some people are just assholes That's true too I truly believe that.

[2782] But there's a lot of people that actually are enjoing the fact that Obama is the president.

[2783] So any problem that the world has, they can blame on this black guy.

[2784] Listen to this.

[2785] I have a dentist.

[2786] I had a dentist in Indianapolis, right?

[2787] So, oh, Ms. Pat, I'm so Christian.

[2788] I believe in God.

[2789] Every time, I was probably his only white dude.

[2790] Probably was his only black patient.

[2791] Maybe.

[2792] I know I was.

[2793] So I go in there because he's coached my son basketball.

[2794] He's coached my son football team.

[2795] Joe, I go in there.

[2796] All he wants to do is talk about Obama.

[2797] I hate him, and I hate him.

[2798] So I'm saying to myself, why am I going to keep letting you shoot me in my mouth?

[2799] And then you get excited about Obama and give me too much pain messing and kill me. So I stopped going.

[2800] I said, because if you are Christian, you don't suppose to hate, right?

[2801] But every time I come in there, because I'm the only black patient, you always want to talk about Obama.

[2802] I said, I don't give a fuck about what Obama doing.

[2803] I said, he's doing like everybody else, fucking up.

[2804] They all fuckers in the end.

[2805] If you want to be technically, they all fuckers in it.

[2806] No matter which way you vote, you're never going to be happy.

[2807] No one has ever been a president where everybody thought they did a good job.

[2808] Thank you.

[2809] He's never been one ever.

[2810] Bill Clinton got his dick sucked.

[2811] Everybody had a problem with that.

[2812] Why?

[2813] You know Hillary was through sucking dick at the time.

[2814] Why are you going to knock a man for sucking dick?

[2815] Getting his dick suck.

[2816] If somebody come out of my house and help me suck dick, I'm going to agree.

[2817] You can help me suck dick.

[2818] Just don't fuck him.

[2819] Just don't fuck him.

[2820] Yeah.

[2821] How come?

[2822] You can suck his dick, but he'd suck his dick, but he'd Don't fuck them.

[2823] You're a good girl.

[2824] What is the rule there?

[2825] How's that work?

[2826] Please explain.

[2827] You just can't fuck them.

[2828] You can't fucking, you know, then you cross the line.

[2829] But you're sucking his dick.

[2830] You're doing stuff I really get tired of doing or don't want to do it.

[2831] That's why Hillary didn't get upset.

[2832] Okay, bitch, you got a sick of and stuck up your ass.

[2833] I'm cool with that.

[2834] Imagine if that was the case of, like, you know how you can go and get a massage and no one gets upset.

[2835] Would you do after work today, honey?

[2836] Oh, I want to got a massage.

[2837] Nobody gets mad at you.

[2838] But if you're like, I got to get my dick sucks.

[2839] Like, whew.

[2840] Yeah.

[2841] That would be beautiful.

[2842] What a beautiful world we live in.

[2843] Yeah, and that's what I told him.

[2844] I say, nobody's, they're never going to please us.

[2845] I watched a document, not a documentary, but a speech the other day that Monica Lewinsky gave about, about, you know, like, being today, about, you know, all the people that judged her, and she's still talking about it today.

[2846] Like, that's like, like, Jesus Christ.

[2847] Like, yeah, I understand it was a big moment for the country.

[2848] Beyonce put her in her song.

[2849] She did?

[2850] A bunch of people put her in her songs.

[2851] She was talking about that in the speech.

[2852] But it's just something seemed like ridiculous that she's still talking about it today.

[2853] Do you think being her that she, I got extra practice trying to be the best dick sucker because she knows in the future every time she sucks a dick that's going to be a thing.

[2854] Oh, it has to be.

[2855] So now she's like gagging and, you know.

[2856] Any guy that dates her, if she doesn't blow them, they're going to be so upset.

[2857] You blew the fucking president.

[2858] You won't blow me. Everybody knows you suck dick.

[2859] It's a different.

[2860] That's the type of dick you suck, presidential.

[2861] dick.

[2862] Yeah, but then you know that the guy knows that he's like below the president.

[2863] But if she went around her mouth, she would have had so many perks.

[2864] Huh?

[2865] If she didn't run her mouth?

[2866] Yes.

[2867] I don't know what the fuck she'd tell for.

[2868] What did you tell for?

[2869] Everybody be fucking a president.

[2870] A fucking in that White House.

[2871] Everybody cheat.

[2872] That's what they do.

[2873] When they go on them fucking meetings, they all go out and buy pussy.

[2874] Tap the feet in the bathroom or do what they do.

[2875] To feed the bathroom.

[2876] Whatever the fuck they do.

[2877] That was that Larry Craig guy.

[2878] That was gay sex though.

[2879] I don't give a fuck.

[2880] They go out and get what they like.

[2881] Right.

[2882] So, me why you're running your mouth?

[2883] Why did you run your mouth?

[2884] Did we really have to know that Bill Clinton fucked you, Monica Lewinsky?

[2885] I wouldn't have never fucking told.

[2886] Do you know she probably still could have been getting a chick on the side to this day?

[2887] Probably.

[2888] You don't tell on them type of people.

[2889] You tell if you fuck Rayban.

[2890] You know, Rayban, Rayban.

[2891] Red band.

[2892] You tell on some shit.

[2893] But you don't tell on a president.

[2894] That's the secret you keep.

[2895] Well, I think she was telling her friend and her friend recorded the conversation her friend threw under the bus.

[2896] The ugly girl with the long nose.

[2897] Older lady who was angry.

[2898] Yeah, who wasn't getting no dick.

[2899] See, that's why I say if you are a single woman, you don't have bitches that got, that don't have a man. Because those are the ones that's always trying to tell you about your relationship.

[2900] Oh, you shouldn't take this.

[2901] Bitch, you ain't ain't got no man. Shut your lonely ass.

[2902] That is true.

[2903] Yes.

[2904] That is true.

[2905] It's always the girls that have no men and have terrible relationships when they do have men.

[2906] they want to give their girlfriends some sort of in it oh debby says oh fucking debby i have a friend like that i always want to tell me oh you shouldn't take this oh you bitch i've had health care for over 20 years you don't shut your medicaid bruff ass up you ain't got no man i don't tell people i don't fuck with single people because they'll have you thinking their way then you'd be up here lonely old motherfucker well there's definitely some people that want people to break up because they're single that's that is a fact there's definitely oh they won't what you got.

[2907] There's that too.

[2908] Yeah.

[2909] As soon as you leave him, then you look up and she's blowing him.

[2910] Well, you told me not to accept that.

[2911] You told me not to give him head.

[2912] No, because this bitch was waiting in line to give him head.

[2913] I can't believe you're saying this.

[2914] What?

[2915] But you're right.

[2916] I know I'm right.

[2917] No, I know.

[2918] You don't tell nobody how good your man put it down.

[2919] You tell your girlfriend that, then her wheels get to spin it.

[2920] I might need to go try that.

[2921] Really?

[2922] Yeah.

[2923] How common is that?

[2924] very calm among amongst women do you think women covet their friends and then they want to well huh do you think women covet their friends men like you know like a girl that's hanging around with you you're talking about your husband yeah I should get this one yeah if you say it's good he can't steal her from miss pat and you can't steal her shit for me my husband ain't doing shit with me so he ain't gonna do shit with you have your ass watching the empire He got a job.

[2925] That's hilarious.

[2926] It's the ones who are broke.

[2927] You've got to keep an eye on, right?

[2928] Well, yeah.

[2929] The ones who swing that delicious broke dick.

[2930] Delicious broke black dick.

[2931] This is Pat, I've got to get the fuck out of here.

[2932] Me too.

[2933] This has been beautiful, though.

[2934] Thank you, thank you very much.

[2935] And your, so your episode of this is done happening happens next week.

[2936] Next week.

[2937] Next Thursday.

[2938] The 26th.

[2939] Next Thursday, 26.

[2940] Is it on it 1230?

[2941] Is that when it's on?

[2942] Yeah, at night.

[2943] And I'm taping Marion show this week.

[2944] Oh, I see a TV show.

[2945] TV show?

[2946] Beautiful.

[2947] Beautiful.

[2948] People can get you a comedian, Miss Pat on Twitter.

[2949] We need to fucking get that other Miss Pat.

[2950] I'm tired of spelling comedian wrong.

[2951] Okay.

[2952] I don't believe in that word, by the way.

[2953] I don't believe in it.

[2954] It's like comedian.

[2955] No, you're a fucking comic.

[2956] You're a goddamn stand -up comic, right?

[2957] Okay, Daddy Joe.

[2958] You don't need to be a female comedian.

[2959] Like, what is that?

[2960] That, like, it categorizes you.

[2961] Yeah.

[2962] You know?

[2963] And I don't do no females.

[2964] Yeah.

[2965] Well, you're a fucking comic.

[2966] I'm a comic.

[2967] That's what I'm saying.

[2968] right this you need just miss pat ms p a t there's some person that has it and there's fucking like one tweet it's bullshit they have no followers their tweets are blocked too can't even read their tweets probably because people are bombing on them give miss pat her fucking name that's probably what's happening i'm gonna look into that i didn't know you can do that i will um wednesday night we're at the oh wednesday night sold out of the ice house very few tickets left for thursday night at the ice house um uh that's it this week in Portland long sold out tough shit no chance that's it there's some other dates that I put up on the books really recently Dallas the Majestic Theater in Dallas that's coming up that is March 13th and and then there's a New York City one that's in April just figure that shit out on your own Joe Rogan .com dot net Brian you got anything going on Vancouver 420 Vancouver 420 a good place to be 420 I'm at Mordy's Comedy Joint March 26 through the 28th in Indianapolis.

[2969] Capow.

[2970] And also I'm at the casino here.

[2971] God damn it, I don't forget the name.

[2972] Yeah.

[2973] Out here?

[2974] Chumash?

[2975] No, Congo or some shit.

[2976] Congo?

[2977] Marongo.

[2978] When's that?

[2979] Friday.

[2980] This Friday?

[2981] This week?

[2982] What is your website?

[2983] Misspatcomedy .com.

[2984] MS.

[2985] M .S. Patscom.

[2986] There you go.

[2987] And I'm coming to see you Wednesday.

[2988] All right.

[2989] Beautiful.

[2990] Thank you, my friend.

[2991] Thank you, baby.

[2992] It's Pat, ladies and gentlemen.

[2993] Good night, everybody.