#24 - Eddie Bravo

[0] There it goes.

[1] Now it's recording.

[2] All right, ladies and gentlemen, what's up?

[3] Welcome to the weekly U -stream podcast.

[4] I think it's like week 2000.

[5] What week is it, Brian?

[6] 24th week.

[7] Brian is on top of shit, son.

[8] Yeah, 24th week.

[9] And joined today is Jiu -Jitsu Master, musician, best friend.

[10] Eddie, the Twister, Bravo.

[11] Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big round applause for Mr. Eddie Bravo, joining us here today.

[12] Eddie just had some pizza.

[13] Fucked that diet up, son.

[14] Yeah.

[15] Fucked it up.

[16] Yeah.

[17] We got real mics now, man. Whoa.

[18] You got to hold them?

[19] Solidarity, if you want.

[20] Okay, cool.

[21] I like this.

[22] When you talk right into it, it makes it so much better.

[23] We were having problems when we first started doing this.

[24] We just figured out how to do a podcast basically without asking anybody.

[25] We just trial and error, and we fucked a lot of shit up.

[26] But the biggest thing we fucked up in the beginning was the sound.

[27] The sound was really bad at first.

[28] But now we got that shit locked down.

[29] So it's good What do you get doing?

[30] He's practicing Is it gay to hold a mic like this?

[31] It's like smoking a cigarette in France What movie is this from?

[32] There's a movie where a guy is singing karaoke And he's holding the mic like this.

[33] Remember that?

[34] Does anybody know?

[35] Comedy used to hang it in front of his face like this.

[36] I don't remember who it was.

[37] This is like you're sucking a cock right here.

[38] Well, I've never even considered that.

[39] Flashlight.

[40] Yes, before we go anywhere, we're sponsored by the Flashlight.

[41] This podcast is a sponsored podcast, but I'll be quite honest with you, if we were not sponsored by the fleshlight and we just became a subject of the conversation of the podcast, I would tell you, go buy one of those fucking things.

[42] They're awesome.

[43] Don't be embarrassed.

[44] Everybody jerks off.

[45] It's silly.

[46] You know, if you jerk off and you wouldn't fuck a rubber pussy, you're crazy, all right?

[47] It's just pleasure.

[48] It's just pleasure.

[49] And it feels way better than jerk off.

[50] I got a good fleshlight story.

[51] Yeah?

[52] Oh, let's hear.

[53] Let's hear it.

[54] It's about when I bought it.

[55] it about maybe like I've I've had it for a while I haven't I've used it maybe 20 times right it's fucking pretty good if you're gonna if you're gonna jerk off something about your own hand touching your cock cancels out some feeling or something it doesn't feel as good as someone else jerking you off or sucking yeah whatever for sure so that's where the fleshlight comes in I mean it's it feels pretty fucking good you got the right porn or whatever but anyways about three years ago maybe two years ago I met this girl when we were on the road in Texas somewhere maybe Houston or Dallas or something like that I was on the road with you met her and we kept in touch she came out to L .A. and hung out for a weekend and for some reason she wasn't down at all she wasn't down at all she didn't want me to touch her now she's staying at my fucking house and she doesn't want to touch me and kiss her or nothing so I decided to take her to the hustler store and go shopping for a flea.

[56] This is a great story.

[57] So she couldn't fucking believe that she thought I was kidding, that I went to the store to buy a fleshlight.

[58] I'm like, hey, if you're not going to give me the pussy, I got to, you know, this is the second best thing.

[59] Can't invite another girl over.

[60] Come on.

[61] So that's my fleshlight story.

[62] I used it that night too.

[63] Wow.

[64] She passed out and in bed.

[65] I just said, cool.

[66] It's pretty good, isn't it?

[67] It's better than using your hand.

[68] It's better than using your hand.

[69] If you had, if you could hire a Mexican to clean it up afterwards.

[70] then it would be awesome.

[71] It's just to clean up.

[72] I'm a Mexican.

[73] Why does it have to be a Mexican, man?

[74] They work cheap.

[75] Well, you're going to put a white dude.

[76] You're not going to pay a white dude to clean up your fleshlight when you're done.

[77] You've got to go to Home Depot and pick up a couple guys and they'll switch off.

[78] I was at Target the other day.

[79] And there's these things called magic microphones for kids.

[80] It's a kid's toy that looks just like a flashlight.

[81] If you look at it, you're like, oh, the same company that makes fleshlights must also make this microphone.

[82] Oh, my God.

[83] And so I pick it up and I go to my girlfriend.

[84] I'm like, look, they got flesh lights here.

[85] And right, I look, I'm like, oh, stupid.

[86] I look around.

[87] There's kids everywhere.

[88] Mom's looking at me. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

[89] But yes.

[90] It's funny how it's got a bad, like, you know, there's a bad feeling attached to it.

[91] That there's something wrong with this rubber pussy.

[92] There's something wrong with pleasure.

[93] If it was just a massage thing, it was just like, look, I got a massage thing.

[94] It makes your back feel awesome.

[95] Everybody be like, oh, cool.

[96] The guy's making his back feel awesome.

[97] There's something about making your dick feel awesome that freaks everybody out.

[98] Would you freak out if your son, would you freak out if your son, was using the fleshlight at 11 would that be bad no right no not at all you'd get him one for his birthday right i would say listen man your body is is a biological organism that doesn't understand you know your life it wants you to make decisions for it not for you so it's going to try to trick you into fucking someone with no condom and having babies i mean that's what your body's trying to do and it can get real confusing who you actually like oh as opposed to like who your dick is telling you you like you know when you're horny all the time you your dick convinces you that you like people, you don't even like, just because you could fuck them, you know?

[99] And for a kid, when you're just learning how to get into relationships, that shit's very tricky.

[100] I think every young kid could benefit from, they should teach kids how to jerk off in school.

[101] They should teach kids how your dick is going to confuse you and how it's going to send you all these messages.

[102] And being horny is actually a baffling thing that takes years and years to master, you know?

[103] And they can make Hannah Montana fleshlights.

[104] Can you imagine?

[105] They'd be like a $20 billion industry.

[106] I wonder if that would be illegally.

[107] if she sponsored a fleshlight for high school kids, and she's not saying it's her pussy.

[108] Safe sex.

[109] She's promoting safe sex.

[110] Wouldn't that be insane?

[111] Why not, right?

[112] Yeah.

[113] That'd be so smart.

[114] I mean, are we really pretending that kids aren't fucking?

[115] You know, kids get to be 16 years old.

[116] She's like 16 or 17.

[117] They're fucking, man. They're fucking.

[118] The problem is, even if she wants to, like, talk about it and shit, it's still illegal.

[119] You know, it's still, it's, they're not supposed to be fucking, and no one's supposed to be fucking them that's, like, older than them.

[120] I think.

[121] You can go to just.

[122] Jail, you know, if you're 18 and your girlfriend is 17 years and 10 months and you fuck her, you go to jail.

[123] Is that really happening?

[124] Yes, yeah, yeah.

[125] People have gotten arrested for shit like that.

[126] Yeah, it's real.

[127] God damn it.

[128] You know what's happening that's even scary than that is a gang of kids are getting pop for child pornography for taking pictures of their pussies on their fucking cell phones.

[129] Oh shit.

[130] Pictures of their dicks.

[131] That's really what's happening, man. Damn.

[132] People are getting in trouble?

[133] They're calling it criminal tools.

[134] A girl was arrested on.

[135] child pornography charges because she's 15 years old she sent pictures of herself to a bunch of kids in her class and they eventually dropped the child pornography charges but they charged her with one count of using criminal tools the criminal tool was a cell phone that was a count they had against her she took a cell phone to take a picture of her pussy so that was a criminal tool you hear that guys delete all that shit how crazy is that man think about what it would be like if that was your daughter and you found out that your daughter was doing that what same thing i think we talked about that i'm the last time you guys were here you guys talked about the exact same thing the flashlight story you guys just love talking about did i the fleshlight story or sexting sexing oh the sex thing oh the sex thing did we talk about last time yeah you know what it's still fascinating to me that's a very important part of life let's not pay attention to that twitter feed brine i don't really want to know what people want us to talk about shut that shit off that shit drives me crazy you're freaking me out son wait isn't that what we got here self up yeah this is freaking me out too but i don't read it.

[136] You don't?

[137] If you read it too much, man, then you're going to change the subject of your conversation.

[138] You're going to start listening to what they're saying.

[139] You're getting too serious about this, Joe.

[140] No, I'm not getting serious.

[141] It's distracting.

[142] It's distracting for a good conversation.

[143] So what did you guys think about the new iPhone that just was announced yesterday?

[144] It's pretty crazy.

[145] The iPhone is going to change a lot of shit, man. First of all, everyone's going to be using it for phone sex.

[146] Yeah.

[147] Because you could see the other person.

[148] You could see them.

[149] That's what's fucked up because I was thinking about this the other day.

[150] You know how texting and Twitter and everything's fucking up people's games or just lies in general now people are going to be like your ex is going to call you or your girl's going to call you go where are you at right now you're like I'm with my friends oh yeah we'll turn on your video let me see where you're at you know and that's going to happen with bosses work bitch doesn't have any Wi -Fi well that's only for 2010 that's just because AT &T is trying to build up their network do you think the network is ever going to get built up where they can handle two -way phone calls with everybody because you know people are going to leave that shit on you're going to come to work with me okay and they're going to be walking around.

[151] People aren't going to be watching where they're going.

[152] Absolutely.

[153] They're walking around with their phone.

[154] That's why AT &T regulated their data plans the other day because they know that that shit's going to happen.

[155] So you think they're just building up to it?

[156] How are they going to be able to handle that?

[157] This is going to be like when texting first came out.

[158] When you first got texting, everyone said, this is not going to work.

[159] No one's going to ever do this.

[160] But in texting plans were really expensive and ridiculous, you know, because all these newcomers are, you know, you used to get out of 50.

[161] You know, I used to have jokes about texting.

[162] Right.

[163] At my fucking 2005 showtime special, there's a joke in there when I'm like, it takes you four presses to get an S. Why don't you just fucking call me?

[164] What are you doing?

[165] Why are you making me read?

[166] Right.

[167] You know?

[168] This is going to be exactly like this.

[169] But just think about how much that's changed in five years.

[170] Yeah.

[171] Video calling in five years from now is going to be the norm.

[172] That's all it's going to be.

[173] It's not even going to be, people are going to laugh at you from normal calling, you know, I think.

[174] I think that's, you know, we're going towards Star Trek.

[175] Yeah.

[176] We are.

[177] We are, right?

[178] It's going to be called something, too.

[179] Like when someone, like your girlfriend calls you up and says, Okay, I need a webcam scan.

[180] You know what I mean?

[181] Okay, here's a web.

[182] So you got it to all your buddies.

[183] Like, you could be at a party and go, webcam scan, webcam scan.

[184] Web cam scan.

[185] All the girls duck under and go, look, look, honey.

[186] I'm here.

[187] Boom.

[188] Oh, look.

[189] And then bam.

[190] A quick little ones over.

[191] You know what you would do?

[192] You would just have the whole party spin behind you.

[193] Just move really slowly.

[194] Everybody.

[195] Everybody, just stay with me. Stay with me. It's the webcam scan.

[196] You're not fucking moving fast enough.

[197] Okay.

[198] You better web cam.

[199] scan right now immediately.

[200] I just went you spin around in a circle as quick as you can.

[201] Show me the whole room.

[202] I need to see the whole room.

[203] After a while you're going to have to do it quick.

[204] It can't be fast.

[205] But then people are just going to get faster.

[206] They're just going to be...

[207] It's going to be a sport.

[208] You know, you'll have gambling to see whether or not you can tell those people in the room.

[209] Okay, let's go into the bathroom.

[210] Let's go to look behind the curtain.

[211] Okay, now let's go out through the back.

[212] That's actually a cool fucking game.

[213] How about this game?

[214] How about you you have a game where you bet whether or not someone is in someone's house?

[215] And someone takes you on a tour of their house and you bet whether or not there's other people in the house hiding.

[216] How about you have a pre -recorded, pre -recorded fucking scenarios.

[217] You have like 30 of them.

[218] Your house won, you're at your moms.

[219] You have all these.

[220] So anybody calls.

[221] Go look.

[222] Yeah, boom.

[223] And then, you know, they think it's live, but it's really a video.

[224] We got to get on that.

[225] You know, my problem was you would have to show your face, too.

[226] You're supposed to show your face talking in that environment.

[227] They're going to have to be right.

[228] It would have to be like almost like a green screen.

[229] The great Joey Diaz said the best thing.

[230] When I was talking to him about this, Joey Diaz says he's going to be like, imagine calling your girl and go let me see your pussy right now see how red it is i know what it looks like after you got fucked hold it up against white let me see the color terra just to talk her into showing her pussy yeah yeah because then because seriously that's how it's going to come down to you're going to be able to just go let me see what your pussy looks like right now i can tell that you got just that statement that that just shows you the mentality of joey dyes how funny joey is joey's thinking about tricking girls in the show and their pussy he's not you know he's all about No, no, no, no, no, no. I need to see it right now.

[231] Come on, let's go.

[232] What do you got?

[233] Like, it's all about, it's all about, like, trapping them in the show in their pussy.

[234] It's not even really asking them.

[235] It's, like, part of the hustle for Joey is you trick them.

[236] I think it's going to, I think it's going to make people a lot more faithful, because I really believe that, like, Twitter and Facebook and Facebook has really, it makes it so hard to cheat.

[237] People are like, okay, if I'm going to, there's a lot more single people because it's way too hard to cheat.

[238] But if you decide to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you're like, fuck it, I'm even going to You make a comment on one person's picture Everybody knows that you just Comment it on some girl's picture Yeah you know so it's like you don't even you don't even bothers You might as well be faithful And it's not gonna stay where it's at It's gonna it's gonna move on to some next craziness And I think that has to do with this iPhone camera I think that's the next stage of craziness The next stage of intrusion into people's lives And some people are gonna reject it You do FaceTime fuck that Just like texting just like texting Just like picture message just like everything That's why when people are freaking out about flash It's, I feel the same thing about that.

[239] You know, people are freaking out because you're not thinking ahead.

[240] You're not thinking about what's next or what's going to be the future.

[241] When you say freaking about Flash for the non -technologically addictive.

[242] Macromedia Flash.

[243] What Macromedia Flash is a program on your websites.

[244] When you see like animation and different kinds of like, you know, you put your cursor over something and it does some funky thing.

[245] Most of the time you're dealing with Flash on a lot of these sites.

[246] And apparently Flash crashes a lot.

[247] I've had a crash a bunch of times on me. and Microsoft has their own version of shit.

[248] What is it, Silverlight?

[249] Yeah.

[250] But what's cool is that there's actually companies now that have software that if you put it into Flash, and I guess Flash is working with this company, that if you go to this website and it has Flash, Flash will detect that you do not have Flash on your iPad or whatever, and it will convert it into an HTML 5 .0 program or whatever.

[251] So that's what YouTube does.

[252] No, I think YouTube just uses a different code.

[253] But there's some websites where you can go to on the iPad and you can still watch it videos.

[254] And that's HTML5, you're watching.

[255] You're watching it just, Flash is moved on from, or YouTube doesn't use Flash as much anymore.

[256] It uses a codec, H2 .64, I believe.

[257] So it's not even in Flash anymore.

[258] You're watching it just, you're just watching a video file.

[259] I think you're right that people are hesitant to change and then they worry about Flash falling apart and, you know, they say, oh, this is crazy.

[260] You know, my website is coded like this and that's just how it should be.

[261] But when new shit comes along, it's better, you just got to accept it, you know?

[262] I think what's more fascinating to me than anything is this FaceTime thing and the rise of the droid phones.

[263] Dude, droid phones are like an infection.

[264] There's like so many goddamn droid phones now, and they do everything the iPhone does and more.

[265] What about the new iPhone?

[266] The new iPhone has, you know, the front face feature.

[267] That's a pretty big feature.

[268] And the HD camera?

[269] Come on.

[270] Blackberry is still number one, though.

[271] You know, Blackberry is still number one.

[272] And droids nothing new.

[273] It's just an operating system, just like Windows Mobile was.

[274] Yeah, but these are dope -ass phones that you can never get on.

[275] They're dope -ass phones that are doing something that's trying to be like an iPhone.

[276] Exactly.

[277] You know, I mean, and it's not doing it as good.

[278] If you use any application on a droid and compare it to the iPhone version, almost 99 .9 % of the time it falls a little short.

[279] Okay, but you're saying this based on the little experience that you had a couple weeks with that phone.

[280] No, I've had it for a month.

[281] I used it straight for a month.

[282] And I know from...

[283] at that operating system, what they were doing back then is the same as now?

[284] It's all the same.

[285] It's the exact same.

[286] I used the newest one.

[287] I had the newest version.

[288] It's okay, but yours was the Motorola droid, right?

[289] Which is not supposed to be as good as this HTC Evo.

[290] No, you're talking about the hardware, though.

[291] You're not talking about the operating system.

[292] Yeah, but I mean, didn't the, doesn't HTC alter the operating system a little bit?

[293] No, it puts a skin on it, that just makes it that's all it is.

[294] It's just a skin off the operating system.

[295] It doesn't make it work more effectively?

[296] Some say, it hurts, some say it's better.

[297] You know, what it does is it gives you a nice little widget at the front that has the weather and a bunch of shit on it.

[298] Okay, well, just saying that the iPhone is better.

[299] Okay, I'll agree with you.

[300] You believe the iPhone is better.

[301] But it's still a fucking amazing phone.

[302] And if it was, if it existed a year ago, you would be freaking the fuck out.

[303] If existed five years ago, it'd be world changing.

[304] About five years ago, I would probably be freaking out a year ago, I doubt it.

[305] It's still to me a very impressive phone.

[306] Yeah, the phone hardware itself is great.

[307] But when you compare, like, somebody was going off on the other day about how, like, oh yeah, this has an 8 megapixel camera where the iPhone only has a 5 megapixel camera And I was like, megapixels don't mean shit That's why, like, every year we've stopped at 12 megapixels for most cameras.

[308] And if you notice, like, most Sony cameras that were 12 megapixels last year are now 10 megapixels.

[309] Okay, well, why doesn't it mean shit?

[310] I mean, doesn't it have to do with how much information is in the photograph?

[311] And megapixels don't mean shit.

[312] Well, it means something.

[313] One megapixel camera sucks.

[314] We know that.

[315] Yeah.

[316] 12 megapixel camera is awesome.

[317] You could blow up giant billboards.

[318] Right.

[319] Right.

[320] So it does mean something.

[321] It means something to It means something to a point, but the most important thing is the lens and the actual, the quality of photo.

[322] That's why.

[323] Okay, that makes sense.

[324] The new iPhone camera has a, what most normal cameras are just switching to.

[325] It's this coil that goes around the lens, and it used to be where the coil was in front of the lens optics.

[326] So when you take a photo, the light has to go through all these coils in order to take a photo.

[327] So now they found out how to put the coil in the back.

[328] So the light, there's more light that goes in there.

[329] Sony calls it the XMOR lens, whatever it's called.

[330] But now, so this new iPhone is going to have better low light just because they decided to do this new coil technology.

[331] So that alone...

[332] Photo quality looks pretty awesome.

[333] Yeah, megapixel doesn't mean shit.

[334] It does mean something, though, Brian.

[335] You can't...

[336] You're getting crazy.

[337] No, no, no. It means a lot.

[338] I'm being serious.

[339] Megapixels do not mean shit anymore when it comes to like 5 megapixels and above 8 megapixels.

[340] Like 10 to 12 megapixels, there's nothing.

[341] Eight to 12, there's barely anything.

[342] Okay, but it still means something.

[343] Unless you're doing billboards.

[344] What's important is the lens and how, what's also important the software they use.

[345] It's also important, you know, what kind of, you know, how, how the, that's why you have these Carl Zeiss lenses and shit on all these different phones.

[346] You know, they're trying to get the dopest lens as possible.

[347] Yeah, I agree.

[348] Over a certain point, it's negligible.

[349] Brian, you're a bad motherfucker.

[350] You, your knowledge of all this shit is unbelievable.

[351] It's a freak when it comes to this stuff.

[352] But what I think of the iPhone, who knows when I get it?

[353] But God damn it, they just solved everything.

[354] They got it.

[355] The video camera sucked.

[356] I use it all the time, but it's not.

[357] Now it's HP.

[358] Yeah, that's still true.

[359] Yeah, for sure.

[360] AT &T.

[361] But it's even, you know, for me, I barely talk on the phone anyways.

[362] I really don't give a shit.

[363] What I care about is video, pictures, and texting.

[364] Right.

[365] That's huge.

[366] And emails and stuff.

[367] And then you get on Twitter and all that stuff.

[368] It's too incredible.

[369] I don't care about talking to people on the phone.

[370] There's applications on your phone that you can time rounds with.

[371] There's like a gym boss where you could time your workouts.

[372] You can, it's a free application, too.

[373] You can set it so that it'll, like, it'll put interval training into your workouts and give you, like, different alarms, like, when you run and when you stop, when you rest, when you go.

[374] I mean, the flash, the webcam, the HD video, 5 megapixels, god damn.

[375] I think that these new droid phones are catching up, though.

[376] They're totally catching up, and I hope they beat the iPhone.

[377] But the problem is, if all these droid users are saying, oh, fuck, fuck iPhone.

[378] No, no, no, get this.

[379] How's your Facebook?

[380] You want to do, like, comparison?

[381] How's your Facebook on your application, Facebook, and compared to iPhone's application?

[382] Right, but you haven't used that in a while, right?

[383] Don't they update those applications.

[384] Dude, I am on every single website every day on both droid and everything.

[385] I know exactly what's going on with droid versus iPhone.

[386] I would believe the shit every day.

[387] I would believe him.

[388] I would believe, is that a common argument?

[389] Dude, it's common with down the line.

[390] Every program that you get for the iPhone is way more fine -tuned on the iPhone for some reason.

[391] I don't know if it's on purpose or if it's just the length or the, you know, the developers or what.

[392] But, like, even the Twitter applications.

[393] And the same with the Palm Pre.

[394] Like, Palm Pre should have been fucking the number one phone.

[395] That should have been way bigger than it was.

[396] But the problem is every single application, like their Facebook, their Twitter and everything, it doesn't even come close to the iPhone.

[397] And it's still not.

[398] Is that you think that's really what killed them?

[399] You don't think that it was on Sprint and, you know.

[400] I could tell you, I was having a Palm Pre plus that every single program that you can download for that thing sucks.

[401] yet compared to the iPhone versions.

[402] And the Palm Prix's been out for a year plus longer, the WebOS.

[403] So that ain't doing shit?

[404] Palm Pre ain't doing shit?

[405] No, it's interesting because the Pomprey was like the number one selling product that Sprint, that ever launched as a phone until this HCCEVO came along.

[406] And they're saying this Palm Pre thing, it's really what's interesting about it was it was like the number one thing.

[407] But then it petered out and nobody gives a fuck about it.

[408] You know, like no one's like in line to get Palm Pries.

[409] not at all actually Remember the trio The trio was the iPhone I had one I had yours Remember you gave me your second hand one The trio was the That was the original shit The trio was a brick bro I remember It didn't bother me I remember when you gave me your trio Dude that first day I couldn't believe it man I thought like I was just I really thought like I had a Fucking diamond watch I swear I thought I was like wow Look at this thing It's so awesome I remember I had when I first got it I got it out of the box and everything, and I was playing with it.

[410] I was like, looking at it, and weighing.

[411] I was like, this is the ultimate piece of technology.

[412] It's like Star Trek shit.

[413] It's like a fucking computer in my pocket, man. You know, another good thing is the texting on the droids, or just the keyboard alone.

[414] Have you ever used the keyboard?

[415] No, you know what I did use, though?

[416] That was pretty dope, and I wish someone would figure out how to do it.

[417] The iPhone sort of does it, but I had with my Microsoft phone, I had one of those Windows mobile phones, it knew the words that I was going to use.

[418] like if I would press A and then B it would write absolutely if I've said that a bunch of times in text before and then you just hit the space button and you keep going on to the next predictive texting yeah but like like crazy good man it was really good it was really interesting the iPhone always gets things wrong and never wants to accept my swears still wants to change fuck to duck I mean how many times do I say fuck?

[419] There's ways around that there's something like you just make a new contact and you just put all the cuss words you want in it or something like I forget that's smart something like that And so it looks it up.

[420] Yeah, I forget how you do it.

[421] I think you just make a contact and go, fuck, cock, suck, dick, piss.

[422] You know, I just do everything you want.

[423] Yeah, you just do it once, though, you know.

[424] I know, but it's so silly.

[425] Like, why can't it remember swear?

[426] Well, the new operating system, I guess, is 100 times better when it comes to all this, like the dictionary, the everything.

[427] And it's got, now we finally get multitasking now.

[428] Brian's got an apple boner.

[429] Are you a fan boy?

[430] I'm not a fan boy, because I'm with any kind of technology.

[431] I try them all.

[432] And I pick my part in the end.

[433] I'm just teasing you.

[434] How many phones have we both between you have had?

[435] We always go right back to the iPhone.

[436] Yes.

[437] The iPhone is most certainly the best all -around device, without a doubt.

[438] But my main phone, I use a BlackBerry because it's Verizon.

[439] Because Verizon's way better for it.

[440] For me, I need to make calls.

[441] Yeah, that game's over for me now.

[442] Really?

[443] Yeah.

[444] I have no problems with AT &T anymore in Los Angeles.

[445] Well, my problems with AT &T are driving, driving from my house, into legends there's three places where I would lose people so if I'd be in a big conversation I'd have to pull over because I didn't want to I didn't want to lose the call if it was something that was you know it was serious I can't talk in my bedroom on the phone if I if I want to talk I got to go to my living room if it's an important call I walk down the street I actually I'm on if you see me talk on the phone walking at some important ass shit right there yeah don't bother me eventually there's going to be no home phones right there is barely any home phones I I hardly know.

[446] My dad doesn't even have a home phone anymore.

[447] Yeah, it's like some ancient shit.

[448] You know, home phone doesn't send no text, can't get pictures.

[449] It's just some stupid line where people call you.

[450] It's funny.

[451] My mom lives in the middle of the country.

[452] Emergency phone.

[453] In case the world ends, you need a landline.

[454] In case the solar flares, fuck up those satellites.

[455] There was an article I was reading about that, about we're at a moment of the sun's awakening, and that the next couple years is unprecedented solar activity.

[456] That's what they predicted.

[457] So unprecedented solar flares that can wipe out satellites.

[458] And so what they're trying to get really good at is predicting these events so that they can shut down or put these satellites on safe mode, which is pretty nuts when you think about how much we're reliant on these satellites.

[459] And, you know, for satellite radio, I fucking listen to it every day, for, you know, for so many different things for GPS.

[460] We're, you know, we're reliant on fucking satellites.

[461] And those motherfuckers can get cooked.

[462] They can get cooked.

[463] I mean, at any time, the sun could just make.

[464] some hiccup, a burp, a fart, and it just barbecues every fucking satellite it sees.

[465] They've got to have backup satellites and, like, just floating out there in protective cases.

[466] So if anything happens, the other ones, they just press a button.

[467] Launch it.

[468] Yeah, they open the new case.

[469] Boom.

[470] What if they're going to put shields over satellites, like big radiation shields?

[471] That's going to have to be the next thing, right?

[472] Something like that, right?

[473] It's got to be force fields.

[474] It's got to have something to do with magnets and force fields.

[475] Well, yeah, you're right, because that's what our gravity is, right?

[476] I mean, our magnetosphere, right?

[477] and the gas that surrounds the earth and the you know our atmosphere if we just suspend some gold dust particles up in the atmosphere we'll be fine Zacharias hitchin style yeah it's real simple so eddie's a big proponent of the ancient alien theory and eddie's the first person that ever got me into zacharias hitchin and we've had dude how many bones have we smoked fucking talking about the anonaki I mean, we've had more, more ridiculous spaceman, alien, Anunnaki conversations, ancient, ancient, you know, tribe theories, shit where, you know, civilizations died off and left so much information that was just lost forever, like the Mayans and, of course, the Sumerians, and, you know, and the Sumerians talk of an even older civilization before them.

[478] So Eddie, Eddie's the one who got me into that.

[479] The first Scott, right?

[480] Scott Redondo, right?

[481] No, no, no. He actually would, he brought it up to me. He brought it up, but I didn't, it never registered.

[482] He goes, dude, listen to this radio station coast to coast.

[483] It was like 10 years ago.

[484] And I never listened to Scott.

[485] But Gina, the first girl I produced musically, she's about as crazy as they come.

[486] Oh, yeah.

[487] And she was talking about a party last night.

[488] Very talented girl.

[489] Super talented singer, but crazy.

[490] She goes, oh, my God, I was at this party last night.

[491] And this guy was talking about how we were created as slaves to mine gold for aliens on another planet.

[492] And I'm like, oh, my gosh.

[493] the fuck up.

[494] I was like, Gina, just shut the fuck up.

[495] She goes, no, everybody was tripping out on this guy talking about this crazy.

[496] I'm like, aliens made us as slaves to mine gold.

[497] Shut the fuck up, Tina.

[498] Let's get to work.

[499] So I thought about it later on that day.

[500] That whole day I thought about it.

[501] And I thought it was weird that as crazy as all that sounded, it is weird that the one thing that we all agree on, every culture, every race, we can't agree on.

[502] shit politics religion nothing but we all agree that gold is like worth more than money that gold is the universal money and I thought that was weird I go hmm and then I thought about how the Aztecs thought Cortez was a god and they gave them gold and then the people the pharaohs that die and they get buried they get buried with gold I'm like thinking about this I'm like this and I called Gina I'm like Gina what was this guy's name do you have his number.

[503] He goes, hey, it was Jody or some guy.

[504] I think his name was Jody.

[505] So I called this guy and go, hey, I'm Gina's friend.

[506] You were talking about some gold and some slaves and aliens?

[507] What the fuck was that about?

[508] And he didn't even really know.

[509] He said, you know what?

[510] Yeah, yeah, I was talking about that.

[511] Some guy told me. It was weirdest thing.

[512] I think his name is Sichen or Sutchin or Sutchin or something, Sitchin or something.

[513] So I looked it up, and I just got on the internet, and I looked up, Sitchin started getting into it, and it blew me It's pretty fascinating shit.

[514] You know, as crazy as all that sounds, if you really look into it, all the, basically, it's this, Zachary Sitchin is this guy that transcribe the ancient Sumerian text.

[515] They're like 20 ,000 tablets of all these stories and all this shit.

[516] Who knows what they really say, because very few people can actually transcribe it.

[517] Some people think Zacharias Sitchin is crazy and he's just making shit up.

[518] A lot of people believe him.

[519] I mean, he's got this, I mean, a lot of smart people.

[520] Well, the interesting shit that he uncovers and shows in his videos that's just indisputable is the images that the Samarians left behind.

[521] That's where it gets really crazy.

[522] Because there's images of a big, giant person with a small person.

[523] It's a person, but it has a tail like a monkey.

[524] And you're like, what the fuck is that?

[525] They have the double helix, the DNA double helix is their caduceus.

[526] You know, they have that in their images.

[527] What if it was just like a Thesbian guy that walked around the trial?

[528] you know, that it's dressed up as a cat and somebody drew, you know what I mean?

[529] It could be, it could be, but here's the other thing.

[530] They also had a detailed depiction of the solar system.

[531] They had a picture of the sun, and then they had a picture of the planets with the proper size in the proper orbit.

[532] And on top of that, their whole history, you know, in the Sumerian text, it talks about the different planets.

[533] It talks about Uranus and it talks about Neptune.

[534] You know, it talks about the creation of Earth.

[535] They have the exact same theory that we have as far as the creation of the moon.

[536] The theory is that Earth won.

[537] There was an Earth that was like billions of years ago, got hit with a planet and created the moon.

[538] And now we are Earth 2, post -impact.

[539] Now, this is like something that scientists had just recently embraced over the past few decades.

[540] But Sitchin wrote about this shit way back in the 70s.

[541] I mean, this was what the Sumerian said.

[542] You know, the guy, if you watch his documentaries and you listen to Sitchin talk and get his shit online, it is fucking fascinating you know and I'm not saying that you know some aliens made us as you know as a race of slaves but I am saying that the world is so crazy as it is the fact that we can send photographs to people and you can get video downloaded from your phone and you can basically answer any question immediately by pressing you know Google talk or the Google thing where you know you talk into it and you say you know what year did Columbus sale blah, blah, blah, and it'll give you the information, like, instantly.

[543] This has never happened before, man. This is crazy shit, and it's only going to get crazier.

[544] Now, if we lived 100 ,000 years longer and stayed alive and managed to keep evolving, for sure, we would get to the point we would be able to travel to other fucking planets and find other species that we thought weren't advanced enough, and fuck with them.

[545] If we decide at a certain point in time with all this investigation that we're doing into life, like what they're doing right now with synthetic cells, where they are creating cells, creating cells and eventually creating living organisms this is all really going to happen if we get to the point where we realize that life itself is just a code that we can manipulate and change to our will well when that happens man you're not going to think anything's wrong with taking some monkeys and making them smarter and having them work for you you know and if there's a super intelligent being or a race of beings that's thousands of years advanced from us or millions or perhaps even a billion you know what if they live in a a protected solar system where they don't have to worry about asteroids what if the asteroid impact is not a common thing what if you know all this shit that happens in our solar system is kind of rare and in other solar systems they don't have meteor problems i mean if that's the case if that's true they could be a billion years older than us we don't fucking know we have no idea yeah basically sitchin was one of very few people again that transcribed over 20 000 tablets and in these tablets were all like in detailed descriptions of how they came down the names of the rulers that South American ones they real technical shit about how it all went down he transcribed all that shit in the 70s and and he put all this information out all this information that he wasn't he's saying that he wasn't making it up he was just transcribing all these stories and people were and a lot of people you know his doubters were like well he's full of shit how could he know this and how can he know that?

[546] But the few things that he did know in the 70s that we were just figuring out now, one, in his transcriptions, he talked about how the Samarians knew that Uranus and Neptune were both water twins.

[547] And we just found that out in the 80s that they actually are water twins.

[548] That was new.

[549] How the hell did Sitchin know this?

[550] Another thing is Sitchin, the basis of the story is aliens need our, they look just like us.

[551] They're just, they're supposedly.

[552] supposedly and maybe taller or whatever but I heard they're way better looking than us they need our gold to turn into gold dust to suspend in their atmosphere to protect their atmosphere that's what they need to protect them from radiation yes that's what he's talking about in the 70s and the transcriptions he's not an astrophysicist we just found out like in 2001 2002 that that's exactly how you protect atmospheres you take metallic particles and you suspend them in the atmosphere to you know either keep radiation in or out.

[553] We just figured that out.

[554] How the hell did this guy figure out through the...

[555] And he's saying, well, he didn't know.

[556] He transcribed.

[557] He got...

[558] Did he just guess that that's the way we protect atmospheres?

[559] He already talked about that.

[560] There's a lot of...

[561] I mean, he gets into detail.

[562] There's a lot of shit that makes it like, huh, wow.

[563] There's a lot.

[564] There's a lot to it.

[565] It sounds crazy, and we don't have all day to talk about it, but have an open mind.

[566] It's fascinating stuff.

[567] I thought it was totally insane, too.

[568] Look into it.

[569] There's a bunch of debate about...

[570] this planet, Nibiru, and there's a guy who's got a website called Sitchin is wrong, and his website is Sitchin is wrong .com.

[571] And this guy does not believe that there was, that there's this planet, you know, this Nibiru, and he has the quotes to the text.

[572] It's really involved, and I haven't really looked into it.

[573] I don't know who the fuck is right and who's wrong.

[574] I really don't.

[575] But I do know that just all the shit that came out of that one area is really fascinating.

[576] And when you find out that one part of the world is responsible for the first mathematics, the first astronomy, first astrology, first written language, first use of the wheel, first everything, first agriculture.

[577] It's Iraq.

[578] It's Iraq, yeah.

[579] Crazy.

[580] Fucking nuts.

[581] Iraq was the first civilization.

[582] First organized civilization.

[583] Well, that's why they're so fucked up.

[584] That's why I've always said that that part of the world.

[585] The reason why their laws are so archaic, they're like the townies of the world.

[586] Those are the people that were there when civilization was created.

[587] And they're still rock.

[588] They're still rocking that ancient law.

[589] You know, you dance.

[590] We throw rocks at you.

[591] You fuck someone from the other tribe.

[592] We throw rocks at you.

[593] You show your ankles.

[594] We throw rocks at you.

[595] Why is an age that's so smart, though, has not progressed?

[596] Like, they stop progress.

[597] They all moved out.

[598] Everybody moved out.

[599] They moved out.

[600] It's like California.

[601] Like, what is California?

[602] California is the group of people that landed somewhere else, knew it sucked, and moved to the best spot.

[603] Yeah, eventually you figure out that the best spot of Southern California.

[604] Yeah, you figure out, wait a minute.

[605] There's a spot where it never gets so cold that it snows.

[606] Okay, there's no hurricanes.

[607] You have to worry about earthquakes every now and then.

[608] but there's no lightning It has the worst traffic in the world It has the worst traffic in the world But like as far as climate But climate has nothing to do with climate Yeah It's like the climate here Is the reason why everybody flocks to this place It's way easier to live here You know That is true It's like club promoters When a club in L .A When a club rises and falls The club promoters don't die with the club They just find a new location And they just keep moving The original club was Sumeria It was blowing up It was going off then it closed down the promoters moved to Egypt they blew that up for a while that shit closed down people got tired of Egypt then they blew it up in Israel that had to change all the names and in all their their stories of creation then it went to Rome and then it split off and then it ended up in England and Germany and it totally makes sense of that part of the world is backwards because it's just like going back home I mean that's what I'm talking about it's like going back home if I went back home to Boston and hung out I would think like God like the dudes I went to high school with like dude you're you're still living in this fucking, this crazy land.

[609] Like, why didn't you escape?

[610] And that's like what it's like in Sumer.

[611] It's like Sumer, you know, it became Iraq, and everybody eventually moved on to other places of the world.

[612] People who weren't satisfied with where they were and how life was, if that's where all human beings supposedly came from, everybody who left is the people that were trying to find something better.

[613] It kind of makes sense.

[614] It kind of makes sense that if everybody, if that really is the cradle of civilization, and everybody left from there trying to find something better, of course the people that remain suck.

[615] It just totally makes sense Saddam didn't suck How dare you How dare you?

[616] How dare you all?

[617] How dare everybody listening to this At this point in time Okay what's next Stoan motherfuckers Zacharias Sitchin Did you get him to the Greek Eddie?

[618] Hell yeah Did you like it?

[619] I loved it I loved it What would you rate it as like five stars?

[620] Not quite as good as hangover But right under hangover Like Like It's It was I thought it was really good man I laughed out loud at least 10 times and that's good 10 times where I was like Oh there's a few They killed it That dude the main dude The fat guy He's awesome I love that guy He is pretty good man I mean Jonah That guy is badass He's funny in every They must let him go off Because it's not a coincidence That he always has great lines And you know who impressed me You fucking pee ditty His acting was like 80 % on It was way better than 50 cent It wasn't Academy Award winning Performance but he pulled it off And he made me laugh too There's a little argument with that one R &B singer, remember, with the pink shirt.

[621] What's that guy's name?

[622] Farrell.

[623] Dude, that was hilarious.

[624] Dude, that was funny, dude.

[625] It was so funny.

[626] They're putting it in the previews now.

[627] That's part of the previews now.

[628] I haven't seen this.

[629] So don't give any spoilers away.

[630] Okay.

[631] Yeah, you got to see it.

[632] I love that Russell Brand guy, too.

[633] Pete Diddy was probably the best part of that movie, though.

[634] He was good.

[635] I saw Splice, and I posted that on my Twitter.

[636] That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen my life.

[637] Yeah.

[638] It was so ridiculous.

[639] Did you see Splice?

[640] No, you could tell.

[641] Oh.

[642] I didn't think I could tell.

[643] I thought that maybe looked badass.

[644] I thought it looked badass.

[645] I was so looking forward to that movie.

[646] I was like, did it die of horrible death at the box office?

[647] I don't know how it did.

[648] It actually didn't do that good.

[649] It wasn't in the top five.

[650] It got 70 -something percent on rotten tomatoes.

[651] But listen how crazy this movie is, okay?

[652] This guy has this girlfriend.

[653] They're both scientists.

[654] They're doing all these experiments with human DNA.

[655] And they figure out how to synthesize human DNA with animal DNA.

[656] I think it was lizards or some shit.

[657] I don't know what the fuck they spliced it with.

[658] So they just wanted to see if they could do it.

[659] So she closes the door and does it, you know, like, so he, like, he can't stop her and he runs in, and she presses the butt.

[660] It's, like, really ridiculous.

[661] And she makes this half human being, half animal lizard fucking thing, whatever the fuck it was.

[662] This story is so goofy.

[663] So they raised this.

[664] And it becomes a person.

[665] Yeah.

[666] Oh, spoiler like a motherfucker.

[667] You want to plug your ears?

[668] Yeah, I'm still going to see it.

[669] You're going to see this?

[670] Okay.

[671] Because I have a feeling that I'm going to like it.

[672] Because I've read I've actually Because after you made me not see it And then I kind of got angry And then I said Was talking to him with some friends of minds And they said dude What is he talking about?

[673] That movie was fucking awesome Oh my God Well you're like Nacho Libra And we walked out Remember in Atlanta?

[674] No no no no no In the battle we all walk it All right This movie This movie is so dumb In three minutes No you don't know You don't know how dumb this movie is This movie makes Nacho Libre look like Nacho Libre was awful But you guys only like Give it like three or five minutes or something like Let's get out of here.

[675] It was so bad.

[676] It was offensive.

[677] It was hurting my head.

[678] Yeah, there's no way.

[679] There's no way they had, they had, like, 20, I gave him 20 attempts at jokes.

[680] And two people in the front laugh, and I'm like, damn, these are their jokes.

[681] Like, if you're waiting this long to throw in some funny shit, there's no way that ending's going to be good.

[682] And I'm a Jack Black fan.

[683] I think he's hilarious.

[684] I love his movies.

[685] I love that rock and roll high, whatever the fuck it was.

[686] Yeah, that was good, rock school.

[687] That was good.

[688] It was really good.

[689] And he was excellent in Tropic Thunder.

[690] He's great King Kong.

[691] Yeah, I haven't seen Tropic of it.

[692] You still haven't seen Tropic Thunder.

[693] It's one of my...

[694] That's a for sure hangover.

[695] Tropic Thunder is a for sure hangover.

[696] Okay, I'll see it.

[697] I keep fucking putting it off.

[698] But, yeah, I mean, that movie was...

[699] Whatever.

[700] This splice is way worse.

[701] This splice...

[702] Pull your ears, bitch.

[703] I will see it by it next week.

[704] This is how crazy it is.

[705] They make this thing, okay?

[706] It grows really quick.

[707] Okay?

[708] And all of a sudden, it's from a baby, it grows like almost instantly to a grown woman.

[709] So they have this grown woman alien thing, and they don't know where to keep her.

[710] So they keep her in a storage room.

[711] They're like, down there.

[712] So they set up a bedroom in the fucking storage room of this place where they work.

[713] And they keep this fucking alien there.

[714] Okay.

[715] The thing's only been alive for like a couple months.

[716] And then Adrian Brody fucks it.

[717] No. I got to see it.

[718] Now I'm seeing it.

[719] It's a fucking, not only is it an alien, like real crazy.

[720] It's got a tail and fucked up legs and everything.

[721] But it's also three months old.

[722] He's fucking this thing.

[723] It's three months old.

[724] How's her body?

[725] She's got tits.

[726] And she's kind of like sexy looking.

[727] It's like they took a sexy chick and just did some CGI on her.

[728] Wow.

[729] She escaped and eats a rabbit.

[730] She escapes and she can fly.

[731] She's got wings.

[732] She flies.

[733] She lands and eats a fucking rabbit and they're not even freaking out.

[734] They're like, why are you doing that?

[735] Don't do that.

[736] It's ridiculous.

[737] It's so bad.

[738] I'm going to see it.

[739] I'm going to see it.

[740] That sounds good.

[741] You know, you know why?

[742] He has to go see it.

[743] Yeah.

[744] He has to.

[745] I'm not hurting it.

[746] Let me tell you something.

[747] Don't you wish this movie is so goddamn bad.

[748] I think it might turn into one of those.

[749] movies it's like a cult hit because it's so bad people are going to go see it again and again this is what I did hear about it I heard that there was actually parts in it that were supposed to be funny and that has nothing to do with it oh shut your mouth they weren't trying to be funny if they were they're brilliant they said it in an interview that a lot of people aren't getting the humor of the movie oh my god you mean the whole movie that's the humor is the whole movie it's ridiculous like are you sure that you weren't baked and you didn't get like the humor like I wasn't baked at all you know what in your defense Brian I think you might like it because You like crazy shit like that.

[750] You like Nacho Libra?

[751] If you don't think it's a good movie.

[752] If you go in, want to see something ridiculous, you're going to like it.

[753] But if you go and thinking you're going to get the shit scared out of you, like some new alien movie, that's what I thought it was going to be.

[754] When I saw it, it looks like she was threatening in the previews.

[755] It looks like she's threatening one of the scientists.

[756] I'm like, oh, they create something and it's fucking crazy and it gets out of control.

[757] And it's scary.

[758] I remember to see it this week, and I can't wait to discuss it.

[759] I can't wait to discuss it with you.

[760] I might bring a bag of rocks.

[761] Fucking throw at you.

[762] Because there has been movies that we totally disagree on.

[763] It's kind of funny how people get upset when someone likes something that they don't like.

[764] Like iPhones?

[765] Yeah, like anything.

[766] What about McGruber?

[767] Did you like McGruber?

[768] Did you like McGruber?

[769] I've not seen McGruber, but when I first saw the preview, I thought it looked like the dumbest fucking movie I've ever seen in my life.

[770] But I heard it was awesome.

[771] I heard it was awesome.

[772] No, I heard it was dog shit.

[773] McGruber?

[774] I haven't heard a thing.

[775] It was stupid on SNL.

[776] How the hell did they make a movie?

[777] The preview looks retarded.

[778] SNL is like one of those things that's.

[779] really been kept alive because of YouTube clips, you know, like when a good S &L sketch gets on YouTube, it makes you want to watch S &L again.

[780] But otherwise, I would have no desire.

[781] It's been kept alive by Andy Sandler, whatever his name is.

[782] Who's that?

[783] The young guy that makes all those skits, like, on a boat and stuff.

[784] That dude's hilarious.

[785] Oh, is he the one that's, I've never seen that sketch, but I heard that song.

[786] Yeah, yeah.

[787] He does all these, like, little skits on Saturday Night Live, and it makes the show, in my opinion.

[788] That and the one main girl on there, that's hilarious.

[789] Dude, I haven't watched Saturday Live in years.

[790] I haven't watched it in so long.

[791] But I watched, like, a good monologue on YouTube or something like that.

[792] There's just certain shows that after a while, I'm like, that's it, done.

[793] I can't keep coming back that well.

[794] You know, you fucked me too many times.

[795] Andy Sandberg.

[796] I just got into true blood.

[797] You guys into true blood?

[798] No. I watched one half an episode, and I was like, this is silliness.

[799] Yeah, have you got to watch it from the first episode.

[800] I am so goddamn tired of vampires that don't eat people.

[801] I've watched every episode.

[802] I mean, what kind of nonsense are we playing?

[803] They eat people.

[804] Barely.

[805] Well, they got, do you know the premise of it?

[806] Yeah, they have some fake blood that they use.

[807] And they finally came out.

[808] Vampires are, they came out.

[809] It's like, you know, it's like.

[810] Why do you like that show?

[811] I dig it.

[812] Dude, seriously?

[813] And I'm bored?

[814] No, I like it.

[815] That's like mixing vampires with Gilmore girls.

[816] It's like that's the worst shit ever, man. That's so gay.

[817] Did you see episode one?

[818] You got to see the first episode.

[819] I've seen the first, whatever, season, two seasons or whatever.

[820] You saw two seasons and it was gay?

[821] Oh, I hate it.

[822] I don't understand.

[823] You'll stop after five episodes.

[824] No, no, no, no. And you were done.

[825] There's been many shows where I've watched because of my girlfriend.

[826] And so, like, that's one of them.

[827] Brian went to see Sex in the City.

[828] Sex in the City, too.

[829] It was 50 times better than that show.

[830] But, no, that show to me was just, I can't, I couldn't even, I was amazed that people like that show.

[831] I thought it was fucking horrible.

[832] I like it.

[833] Dexter, on the other hand.

[834] I never watched that show.

[835] I watched Dexter.

[836] I never watched that show, but I did watch a half an episode.

[837] And I was like, you know what?

[838] I have just hit vampire overload There's just too many Fucking vampire shows, man It's too silly There's too many different rules That people are making up for vampires now Like, oh, they can go in the light But they just sparkle Like fuck you, man No, there's some rules for vampires All right The rule is if you're gonna drink people's blood When the sun comes out You fucking die bitch You're supposed to hide You hide in the dark You can't be going to high school Walking around with everybody Because it's cloudy That's retarded This is stupid This is fucking You can't keep doing this And it's like, it's, to me, it's a symptom of our culture.

[839] All these vampire movies are a symptom of our culture.

[840] We live in vampires.

[841] For real.

[842] The reason why people are so into this, it's like, when you look at, like, how infantile our culture is, we want to believe that, you know, that there is silly fake shit out there like vampires.

[843] We believe so much retarded shit as far as just what the government feeds us, the news feeds us, and what corporations feed us, and, you know, our perceptions of how we have this world.

[844] under control and everything's fine and you know wars are just and all the crazy shit that we justify ourselves doing if we can believe all that shit you know why not vampires it's fucking half a step away it's half a step away is there a movement are there websites about people that really have evidence that vampires there's people that think they're vampires people that think their vampires let me see it for real people have committed murders because of that because they believe they're vampires totally there's people that think they're werewolves, you know, they think their fucking clothes off.

[845] Holy shit.

[846] What if that's real?

[847] There's people that shave their teeth into fangs, Eddie.

[848] There's people that shave their teeth into fangs.

[849] Oh, I've seen that, but that's just off.

[850] At a certain point in time, it's like, yeah, okay, look, the guy's not undead, and yeah, he's not going to live forever, and he's not going to, you know, drink people's blood to stay alive, but people are crazy enough to think that they are vampires, so you to truly believe it and actually go out and murder somebody and drink their blood.

[851] People are that nuts, man. What if that's real shit?

[852] If you're a fucking complete and total loser and you have nothing going on in your life, your life is unbelievably bad.

[853] And the only thing that's exciting is the thought of biting someone's neck and sucking their blood out and killing them.

[854] Do you guys...

[855] What if?

[856] Anonaki blood?

[857] Did you hear about that...

[858] What if, man?

[859] King Kong.

[860] Do you guys hear about that case in Texas?

[861] I think it was 2006, 2006, where the woman named her kids after Satan, like they were named after, like, satanic names.

[862] And then on that day, she murdered them all, and then, like, drank their blood or something.

[863] Oh, my God.

[864] Really?

[865] Yeah.

[866] I think it was 2006.

[867] Oh, man. That Satan thing is the surest sign that you're fucking bananas.

[868] If you believe in Jesus, that's one thing.

[869] It seems like, you know, I mean, maybe there was a real person that existed, but all the magic things attributed to him, really?

[870] And you're going to believe that just because it was a long time ago?

[871] That seems to me, to me, completely silly.

[872] But it's acceptable.

[873] It's like, okay, I understand where you're coming from.

[874] I understand that's what you believe.

[875] I understand, you know, everybody has their own point of it.

[876] But when you start talking about devils, you start talking about Satan, like, Jesus Christ, really?

[877] You think there's a fucking bad man who's pulling people's strings and tempting you with pussy and cigarettes, and you really, you think that's real?

[878] That a devil makes you make bad decisions and, and makes you rape and beat people up.

[879] You think the devil's doing that, tempting you?

[880] That's so infantile.

[881] It's amazing that people even consider it.

[882] And we know that.

[883] There's a part of us that knows that talking about the devil's ridiculous.

[884] That's why you don't hear the president talking about it.

[885] The president will always talk about God.

[886] He'll never talk about the devil.

[887] The president was like, may God bless our troops.

[888] You know, we believe that God is on our side.

[889] Like Bush said a bunch of wacky God shit.

[890] Never once did he say, we've found Satan and he's in Iraq.

[891] We know where Satan is.

[892] We're going to drill to the core of the earth until we find Satan.

[893] We extract Satan.

[894] You mentioned Satan at all.

[895] You mentioned Satan at all, and you're fucking crazy.

[896] You can say, you know, we believe we have found the actual cross that Jesus was nailed on.

[897] And people will go, wow, holy shit.

[898] You can say, we think we found where Satan used to live.

[899] Get the fuck out of here.

[900] You what?

[901] Huh?

[902] You could actually say, you can be an archaeologist, and you can say, we believe we found the cross that Jesus was nailed on.

[903] But if you say, we think we found the box where Satan lived in, people would go, shut the fuck up.

[904] They wouldn't even talk to you.

[905] They wouldn't even take you serious for a second.

[906] They'd go, this crazy asshole thinks he found where the devil lives.

[907] Isn't that crazy?

[908] Satan is a force, dude.

[909] It's not a person.

[910] Dude, it's not a real guy, man. Isn't he a fallen angel?

[911] I'm confused.

[912] I mean, isn't he was supposed to be?

[913] He used to be cool.

[914] And they fucked up.

[915] He got shitty with God.

[916] I'm sorry for going off on True Blood.

[917] I'm just on Team Jacob.

[918] And it kind of gets to me. It's all right, brother.

[919] It's all right, man. Again, werewolves who don't eat people.

[920] That's another fucking thing.

[921] We want our goddamn cake and we want to eat it to We want all the sexy and none of the murder Werewolf was stupid, right?

[922] A wolf or...

[923] You know what?

[924] The Wolfman was stupid, but I bought it on DVD because I'm such a sucker for fucking horror movies.

[925] That's how much I love horror movies.

[926] I'll buy mediocre horror movies and watch them on DVD.

[927] I put it on the background while I was writing.

[928] Nightmare on Elm Street, the new one.

[929] Did you see it?

[930] No. Brian?

[931] I like that actor, though.

[932] That's that dude from the Watchman.

[933] He's the new Freddy Kruger.

[934] The dude who played Roarshark.

[935] Yeah, but what's wrong with the old Freddy Kruger?

[936] He's too old He's too old You got an actor Just to look like Freddy Kruger That's one character He could play until he's 98 Because the older he is in real life Yeah Why would they cut out the old Freddy when he was the shit You know what The problem is he became a joke Or money You think you wanted too much money Maybe Because I mean seriously The new guys just Had makeup on to look like the old guy You know So there's not really any reason Other than that No he looked a little different You did Yeah I looked a little creepier I saw some pictures of it online I didn't see the movie But it looked a little creepy.

[937] The new guy is he young?

[938] He's that, no. Well, he's a little younger.

[939] Did he play himself?

[940] Was this like a prequel like they showed before?

[941] I didn't see it.

[942] That may have been the case because Robert England's like 75.

[943] I thought it was just a redo.

[944] I thought he just rebooted it.

[945] Maybe it is.

[946] Is Robert England, is he in bad shape?

[947] No, I mean, I think I saw on the news.

[948] He was upset about it, you know?

[949] So I was like, why are you going to see his name?

[950] Well, when you try to reboot something, you want to do a different actor.

[951] I mean, how many goddamn times are they going to do the Hulk?

[952] You know, they did the Eric Banner one and they're like, Damn, I'm wrong about this one.

[953] What about Captain America?

[954] Aren't they doing it again or they're trying it again?

[955] I don't know.

[956] I know they did one back, like, what, 10 years ago?

[957] The Hulk is the weirdest one, though, because they did it like a couple years after the old one.

[958] The Eric Banna came out, and then, like, two or three years later, the fucking Edward Norton one came out.

[959] When is Wonder Woman coming out?

[960] I don't know.

[961] Who would play Wonder Woman?

[962] Megan Fox.

[963] Megan Fox.

[964] Fuck, yeah, for sure.

[965] Or Scarlet Johansson.

[966] She's too short.

[967] Dude, she's got some big tit -ties, though.

[968] She's built like Wonder Woman.

[969] She's got that Wonder ass.

[970] I think Wonder Woman got to be tall Yeah, but you can make her tall Just put her with a bunch of short people You put her with a bunch of short people And you give her high heels And that's how Tom Cruise rocks it in his movies You know, just give him a little lift And put them around people that aren't as talls them I wonder what the tallest guy is That starred with Tom Cruise Probably, well Brad Pitt talked about How they had scenes where Tom Cruise Had to like stand on planks and shit Really?

[971] No way They tried to make him like Appear to be the same height Brad Pitt was throwing him under the fucking bus?

[972] Not throwing him under the bus but they were talking about it in the interview and Brad Pitt was confirming it.

[973] Yeah, what about Evangelie Lilly doing?

[974] Did I make that up?

[975] I might have made that up.

[976] Wonder Woman.

[977] The girl from Lost, Kate, from Lost, that would be a hot, Wonder Woman.

[978] Yeah, she's pretty hot.

[979] Yeah, that would work.

[980] That would be great.

[981] Megan Fox's got to be Wonder Woman for sure.

[982] No one would question that at all.

[983] She's black and blue eyes.

[984] Interesting conversation I read with Brad Pitt talking about Tom Cruise, about working on that movie together and something about how.

[985] Vampire one?

[986] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[987] Interview with the Vampire and saying that he wished that something about he wished Tom Cruise wasn't so competitive.

[988] something like you know he wished they could be better friends if Tom Cruise was a more competitive I wish I remember the quote I hope I'm quoting it correctly but that's fascinating you know for sure because Brad Pitt was just coming up that that was a new guy he was just coming up and Tom Cruise like he you know he campaign for that role you know he wanted that role a lot of people did not want him to play that vampire you know like the Anne the Anne Rice people didn't take him seriously because her work was so serious it was such good writing and they thought Tom Cruise is this cheeseball actor who did Top Gun, all these stupid movies.

[989] You know, like, this guy can't play LaStat, like this, like, really intense vampire.

[990] But, God damn, that little freaking act.

[991] Yeah.

[992] He pulled that shit off strong, man. How good was that?

[993] That was a great movie.

[994] One of the great...

[995] That's a goddamn vampire movie, son.

[996] That's the real shit, you know?

[997] I mean, that's...

[998] Those are scary monsters trapped in, you know, a person's body...

[999] A person, you know, their soul is trapped in this scary monster's body that needs to eat people.

[1000] That movie was badass.

[1001] The little girl.

[1002] Kristen Dunst How fucking creepy was she That little chick could act man And the lost boys was Dude The Los Boys Come on Bram Strokers was the best Yeah that's the good one man Gary Oldman's the motherfucker He crushes He's the motherfucker dude He's that guy He's the best I think he gets into roles More than anybody does He like transforms Like that when he played That fucking drug dealer And true romance How good was that shit Fuck yeah that movie The ghetto, the ghetto white guy?

[1003] Yeah, yeah, yeah, to do with the dreadlocks.

[1004] Have you been following Gary Coleman's shit around lately?

[1005] I heard Anthony from Opie and Anthony say that he thought that Gary's wife killed him.

[1006] Well, she was trying to sell photos of him laying in bed minutes before he died to TMZ.

[1007] Did you hear that?

[1008] Like photos, and she sold him, somebody bought him.

[1009] But she was shopping around.

[1010] She took a bunch of photos of him in bed, like I guess all fucked up.

[1011] Right before she died, the nurses and doctors all.

[1012] solid and then she shopped around the photos and somebody just bought him i guess today or yesterday how fucked up is that oh my god he must have had a real tiny dick huh yeah sometimes short guys just like mini me sometimes short guys have big ass dick so it balances itself out but he probably was short it doesn't it didn't matter even if he had a big dick he's you know he's a sad sad it would have helped it would have helped look at burn troier is hanging in there he's partying oh that guy's depressed as fuck at times like watching one of celebrity rehab show?

[1013] That was horrendous.

[1014] He was on celebrity rehab?

[1015] Oh my God.

[1016] Vern Troier?

[1017] Dude, he was the biggest disaster of all time.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] Not bigger than Tom Seismore?

[1020] Oh my God, dude.

[1021] I only saw the last season.

[1022] That is the best show on TV.

[1023] Celebrity Rehab.

[1024] But I haven't seen anything else.

[1025] Vern Troi was like pissing in his room.

[1026] Like what did he was crying?

[1027] Oh, that wasn't celebrity rehab.

[1028] What was it?

[1029] That was um...

[1030] Yeah, that was the one with the, uh, what time is it guy, right?

[1031] Like all the, all the, the B -level celebrities.

[1032] No, no. Celebrity House.

[1033] What was that?

[1034] What the hell was?

[1035] Someone's going to talk about it.

[1036] It wasn't celebrity rehab.

[1037] I saw what you're talking about.

[1038] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was pissing all over himself.

[1039] He's on this little buggy, driving around a little buggy.

[1040] Anyway, the point is, I don't think that guy's that happy.

[1041] I think he's a mess.

[1042] Thank God we have Webster.

[1043] I follow him on Twitter.

[1044] I follow Webster's stock just went up.

[1045] I'm going to follow him today.

[1046] What is it, Vern Troier?

[1047] Something like that.

[1048] It's...

[1049] I'll find it.

[1050] Surreal life.

[1051] Thank you, everybody.

[1052] Surreal life.

[1053] There you did it.

[1054] Twitter .com, backslash tiny.

[1055] poop um i think yeah man i think that's that's got to be one of the greatest tortures in life to be you know deformed trying to make fun of your deformity to make a living you know but think about that most most people you look at like someone with no arms no legs and and really like our first instinct is like damn he's never going to be truly loved he's never going to be desired like you imagine being this person who is not desired no one wants them sexually you know but really when we're all eventually going to be there because who like like i'm sure a hot 22 year old supermodel would rather fuck a Gray Maynard, not Gray Maynard, what's his name?

[1056] What's that?

[1057] The guy with no arms, no legs?

[1058] Oh, Kyle.

[1059] Kyle Maynard.

[1060] Then some 90 -year -old man. You know what I mean?

[1061] We're all going to, we're eventually going to get there.

[1062] We're going to be just as desirable.

[1063] So that's what it's all about.

[1064] It's how much people want to fuck you.

[1065] Desirable.

[1066] That's the quality of your life.

[1067] No, but that's the instinct.

[1068] When you look at someone who's deformed, you're like, oh, my God, no one's ever going to love them.

[1069] Because girls are programmed to stay away sexually, generally, from burn victims.

[1070] people that amputees right we all are cripples yeah we are it's the natural thing so when we look at someone who's in a wheelchair we think fuck that sucks he's so young and he's fucked but eventually we're going to get there they just got it in advance we're all going to walk through that fire unless we die early but we're all going to be just as a desire as that person so it's something to think about it's like really what's life all about you we're all going to end up living half our lives at least where no one wants to fuck us.

[1071] How are you going to handle that?

[1072] I think what's a much bigger issue is that they don't have freedom.

[1073] They're locked in a trap of a body and they never get to be a normal person.

[1074] They're surrounded by other people that are normal.

[1075] That's the torture man. It's not just whether or not people want to fuck them.

[1076] Yeah, but Eddie, isn't in that, like, you're going to get married though, you're going to get that 50 % of that time, you're going to be with somebody maybe that doesn't want to be desired by most people either, but you both are undesirable together.

[1077] And you go, you go 20 years without having sex.

[1078] We haven't had sex in 20 years.

[1079] desirable thing is as much of a, you know, as a factor with those people as why me, you know, why did I get fucked?

[1080] Why am I the person with this terrible situation when why can't I just be normal?

[1081] I don't even, I mean, sure, everybody wants people to love them, but I think what they really want is to just not be a mess, you know, to not be a physical mess, not be, you know, some sort of a genetic aberration.

[1082] Like, you know, that's what the feeling of, the terrible feeling of pain is.

[1083] You know, that's why these guys are all fucked up and angry.

[1084] And Gary Komo was angry as fuck before he died you know you always hear about stories about him yelling at people like he was he had to work a regular job man he was working as a security guard could you imagine people would just come up to him and fuck with him all day yeah the only reason i know that is because the dave chapelle sketch that he did on gary colman who were i never saw that oh it's amazing it's amazing dude he plays gary colvin so he plays the whole sketch on his knees oh no and then some chick he fights a chick some chicks some chicks fighting and then they cut to like the chick fighting a doll it's so bad i it's so bad a doll in his security outfit and she's tossing gary colin around she throws him and then it's his show was so ridiculous what was the one one uh sketch where he was fighting king kong and he hit king kong or a godzilla hit godzilla with an uppercut knocked him out what the fuck was that it was so ridiculous which what was that sketch i don't know but remember when he he he has that sketch uh it was the last season, the unfinished season where he goes back and he fucks with everybody who told him that people that didn't believe in him, like club owners and all that stuff, he blew up, like the old club that he was banned from.

[1085] Right.

[1086] And he fucked up his old acting teacher who told him that he would never make it.

[1087] So it's like a sketch where he goes back.

[1088] And then at the very end, when he goes to the comedy club to blow up the comedy club, he blows it up and he walks out.

[1089] And there's like a lady walking across the street and he's so on fire that he blew the club up and the club owner was in a wheelchair and he threw him down the steps and let the place on fire he takes his baby this random lady he's crossing the street he takes his baby and punk kicks the baby just out of nowhere that's how the sketch ends like he was so happy that he got his revenge that he grabs this newborn baby punk kicks it nothing to do with the sketch so ridiculous his show was so ridiculous you guys remember the first episode of different strokes where Mr. Drummond took his two new boys Willis and Arnold and they all got in the hot tub together and they were all wearing tidy whitties.

[1090] No. It was really creepy as a kid and it's haunts me every day.

[1091] Wow.

[1092] How weird is that?

[1093] I love different strokes.

[1094] That was one of my favorite shows.

[1095] It's gross.

[1096] Todd Bridges was on Fear Factor and, you know, he's an angry dude.

[1097] He's got a, I mean, he kept it together for the most part up until the part where he lost, he got eliminated.

[1098] He didn't even want to shake my hand.

[1099] Really?

[1100] He walked away, wouldn't shake my hand.

[1101] Yeah, he was upset.

[1102] He thought it was some sort of conspiracy to make him lose.

[1103] I don't exactly know what the fuck he had to do or what he was upset about But he was so upset He didn't want to shake my hand I'm like wow Now you see why this dude You know why his life is kind of fucked up Like his automatic way of looking at things It's like negative His automatic way of looking at things It's like someone's out to get me Someone's fuck with me Oh it ain't gonna be fair Oh I see how it is You know it's like automatically Like dude there's fucking six people in the show Five of them have to be losers You're one of the five Shit happens man You gotta move on with your life But not for him man He's an angry dude, which is kind of interesting, man. We were talking about this before that toxoplasma, that's that cat tranquilizer, or the cat parasite, rather.

[1104] We talked about this on other shows before, but I watched a documentary yesterday.

[1105] I read some articles about it, and this thing called toxoplasma is a very common parasite that human beings get that completely alters our behavior.

[1106] And get this, in Brazil, 66 % of the population is infected with this.

[1107] toxoplasma and it does two things it makes women submissive and it makes men reckless jerks makes men assholes and it makes chicks submissive it sounds like like Brazil ecstasy dude no no no no not like that it makes men reckless it makes them do stupid shit like coke no no no no it reprograms the mind it's a parasite this is the crazy thing the parasite exists first in rats and what it does with rats is it gets rats convince that it rewires their sexual brain, the sexual aspect of the brain, and it gets them to be aroused and connected to cat piss.

[1108] So these rats, it hijacks their sexual system.

[1109] So their sexual system all of a sudden becomes sexually aroused, like their testes swell, their ball swell, because they smell cat piss.

[1110] So these motherfuckers are searching after cat piss.

[1111] So they're going towards where cats live, where cats mark their territory.

[1112] They're attracted to that And they're not afraid of cats anymore For whatever reason So the cats obviously eat these rats Because the rats are retarded They stand there while the cat's there With their balls all swollen and a heart on The cat eats them The cat eats the rats Then the cat hangs around with people And we have to clean the cat's shit And when people clean the cat's shit Sometimes people touch the cat's shit And if you touch the cat shit And it gets inside your bloodstream Through either an open sore Or maybe something in your food Or maybe an open You touch your eyes or something like that That shit gets in your body man And 60 million people in this country are infected by it.

[1113] And it affects your behavior.

[1114] Can it get it from blowjobs?

[1115] Maybe.

[1116] You could get it from right in these cats shit all over your day.

[1117] You can get it from touching raw meat as well.

[1118] Yeah, 60 -something million people in this country are affected by it.

[1119] And they said a disproportionate amount of people who die in motorcycle accidents.

[1120] One of the things he was talking about was that they would test motorcycle accident victims for toxoplasma.

[1121] because the toxoplasma, this parasite that exists, you know, this cat parasite makes people do nutty shit, makes people wild.

[1122] Cats used to rule the world.

[1123] Maybe they used to, like, this used to be bigger than it is now.

[1124] Maybe that's what the cats rule of the world thing is.

[1125] Are people getting rid of their cats now?

[1126] Are you getting rid of your cats?

[1127] No, we got to keep your fucking cats away from...

[1128] He's all submissive.

[1129] He is, maybe, but he'd be a woman.

[1130] Pyramids.

[1131] But look, if you think about Brazilians, Brazilian men are notoriously aggressive, Brazilian women, notoriously submissive and sexual.

[1132] You know, maybe that's what it is.

[1133] I mean, 66%, 2 out of 3 women of childbearing age are infected with this cat parasite.

[1134] I wonder if it has something to do with their asses, if there's a connection.

[1135] You think?

[1136] That's why they put their ass in that.

[1137] I mean, there's a reason that 85 % of all women between the ages of 18 and 48 have great asses in Rio.

[1138] There's got to be something, and it could be cat piss, it could be the milk.

[1139] And why do cats put their butt up in the air when you tap on it?

[1140] Because they want you to get that dirty shit.

[1141] Yeah, that's right.

[1142] It's like, no, look, I got this for you.

[1143] Well, that's an interesting thing that you said that because that's one of the things that this, one of these articles was saying was that people who are normally polite people when they sneeze will sometimes inadvertently or unconsciously turn towards people and sneeze.

[1144] Like, they don't even realize why they're doing it.

[1145] Like, they almost have an instinct to turn towards people and sneeze.

[1146] I've seen people do it before.

[1147] Wow.

[1148] Where they go like this?

[1149] Like, you stand here, you go, like, literally, you have, like, you're your body is trying to get you to fucking blow a sneeze on somebody this is the theory how many cats do you have very possible if you think about what it does to cats and what it does to people it's very possible that some viruses can try to get you to be attracted to people when they expel how many cats do that i have two but joey dyes has 10 or nine what the fuck cuck sucker stop bringing up my cats you all i got a good amount you all need to get tested seriously yeah no shit right i'm being real here no totally dude if you think about that if if if your cat has ever been outside you think your cat may have eaten a rat, you know.

[1150] Oh, my cats have never been in outside.

[1151] Yeah, well, then I don't think you have to worry about it.

[1152] I think in Brazil, they leave those cats out a little bit more than what they do.

[1153] What's the cure anyway?

[1154] You're fucked.

[1155] You might have to change the cat box with condoms on the case.

[1156] No, that's not a cure.

[1157] It's going to keep you from infecting other cats.

[1158] No, exactly.

[1159] It'll keep you from getting in your pores.

[1160] Right, but that's not a cure.

[1161] That's a preventive method.

[1162] But a cure, once you get it, I don't think you could do anything about it.

[1163] The cure is just a water bottle that you spray yourself with, like, you know.

[1164] it's fascinating when you think about that your whole life could get hijacked like some parasite could literally take over your body and talk your body into living a totally different life and what the doctor was talking about is the scientist seploski i believe his name is what he was talking about was that the idea of free will is really an illusion like there's a bunch of mitigating factors that cause you to move in one direction or another and to make certain decisions you know and so to think that you have complete free will is kind of silly If you go on Amazon, there's a urine detector for cat urine.

[1165] And if you ever buy it, just be worn.

[1166] It doesn't just detect urine.

[1167] It detects a lot of gross shit.

[1168] So it's kind of cool.

[1169] Like calm.

[1170] Like if you put it on your bed, it's just like all this shit comes up.

[1171] It's pretty scary.

[1172] Dude, but you've seen those inside edition things where they go to like hotel rooms and check the covers.

[1173] Oh, dude just jizz all over the covers.

[1174] It's like a goddamn Jackson Pollock painting.

[1175] Every time you walk in a room with a black light It's just loads everywhere Loads all over the floor Loads on the wall You'll find loads everywhere I have several times I've pulled out a load And just let it drip on the fucking carpet In a hotel Dude, have you ever thrown your come on?

[1176] I've done that and come on You haven't just spilled on the carpet Might have I'm just not thinking about it I'm not judging you I might have for sure But I can't remember any You ever throw your come on the wall a hotel room.

[1177] I've never done that.

[1178] Try it.

[1179] It's so awesome.

[1180] Just take a load.

[1181] Just throw it on a wall.

[1182] It's like Spider -Man.

[1183] The fuck is wrong with you.

[1184] Never done that.

[1185] Do it.

[1186] That is the nastiest fluid.

[1187] It's really pretty much the same thing as snot.

[1188] You know, it's phlegm.

[1189] But the fact that it also can make babies, you know, it just makes it ultra nasty.

[1190] It's weird how some girls love the taste of it and some girls don't.

[1191] If you had to choose between eating a dude's snot and eating a dude's load, for sure, you're going to go with snot.

[1192] What?

[1193] You would take the load?

[1194] Aren't they meant chicks?

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] Say if a guy's got a gun to your head and says, listen, you're either going to eat this load or you're going to eat some snot.

[1197] You're like, all right, I'll eat your snot.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] Out of pretext.

[1200] Eat your snot is just rude.

[1201] But what if the snot was coming from the guy's dick also?

[1202] That doesn't even make sense.

[1203] Like if somehow they put it in their ultimate world.

[1204] Yeah.

[1205] No, no. They sick out of cold.

[1206] That's a good question.

[1207] Like they packed the snot up on the dick and then squeezed it out.

[1208] Like a pastry thing.

[1209] Right.

[1210] Come from a dick or.

[1211] snot from a dick which one would you take what are those pastry things called those pastry squeezers yeah i don't know i know you're talking about i don't cook imagine you could do that and stuff stuff so on snot up your low of your dick like that and then squeeze it out dick spit dick spit i like that one i'm gonna use that have you guys been to uh six flags lately no i have i just found out it was like i live like 15 miles away from it so i got a season pass go to the pool and stuff you go once yeah uh it's amazing though if you're you go on the rides during the day, it's amazing, like, how, like, the people that work their roller coaster, like, if you go on the highest, biggest roller coaster, you get, like, the best employees, I guess, that work at Six Flags.

[1212] Right.

[1213] But if you go on, like, that one boat that just rocks up and down, you obviously have the worst employees.

[1214] I had one guy, and I swear to God, he might be, like, mentally handicapped out, so I don't want, you know, but he's literally, it's like, everybody, like, seriously, you couldn't And he's operating the ride?

[1215] Operating the ride.

[1216] Like, I don't even, like, I looked at him, I'm like, can I put him?

[1217] my water bottle on the ground here, and he just was like glassy stare.

[1218] Like, he had no idea he was even there.

[1219] And I recorded him.

[1220] And he's operating the ride?

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] You have a video of this guy?

[1223] I have, I don't have video, but have his voice of us getting on the ride.

[1224] Oh, my God.

[1225] And I'll play it for you the second.

[1226] But it, by the way, man, have you been on, like, the roller coasters they've been playing, or that they have out nowadays?

[1227] X2 is insane.

[1228] I will never do that.

[1229] It's not like, it's not like a regular roller coaster.

[1230] You flip it around.

[1231] Where you see where you're going, you see the loops.

[1232] They flip be upside down you're upside down you're going backwards start out backwards it's fucking horrifying you did it yeah there's no way you can't be stupid my toes were curling yeah that's the one that does like like five different it's like five dimensions or whatever they say is that what the one you're talking about where it's like spins up and down while you're going upside down you got the video yeah here it is all right explain this again for people just tuning all right this is the swing ride where you get on like like you know like a swing set yeah and you're about to get on the ride and this is the guy that there's a guy operating the ride that was really dumb scary something's wrong with them right now listen my god that was pretty incredible that's insane that guy's the guy who's operating this fucking death machine yeah and i like i had said i had said something to him and i had said something to him and like he looked at me right in the eye but it was like glass it was like wow this guy is not like this murder guy i mean you know maybe the dude is super responsible just because he has this tremendous speech impediment maybe he's a super responsible super like conscientious guy maybe he's deaf but he ever thought about that maybe he was maybe he can't hear people screaming to stop the ride that can't be good maybe you want if you're the fucking dude has got the hand on the ride button dude that ride was nothing babies go on those rides it's like a merry -go -round with swings what was it which one was it that one that ride that one that one is the one which is swings but but still i mean it's a ride you know and then right okay so you still think it's too dangerous for retired people i mean I mean, it's something where it's that happened.

[1233] What do you think was wrong with him?

[1234] I think he was a special, maybe special Olympics.

[1235] Special Olympics.

[1236] There's no way there would, there's no way Magic Mount would hire a retard.

[1237] Okay, but what if there's, there's all sorts of levels of impairment that human being suffer from?

[1238] Maybe he passed a test like with colors and stuff.

[1239] Is there a test?

[1240] Probably.

[1241] What do you think the test is?

[1242] Like colors and shapes, like those shapes that you put in like the circles, that's what it seems like the test would be there.

[1243] You know, the odds of getting killed in one of those accidents is very, very slow.

[1244] But when it happens God damn that must suck You know you put yourself on some Wacky roller coaster that flips you around You wind up dying Can you imagine hanging out with a dude We got to get a deaf dude And on crystal mouth Where you just can't shut up Can you imagine that We just won't shut up He's got so many stories to tell you By the way The guy was not deaf Because when I asked him the question And he turned around When I asked him about the water bottle It's 420 by the way hollow so he's not deaf he wasn't deaf so you think he maybe had some sort of autism yeah something like that maybe but it was ridiculous speech impediment for sure right right and it was ridiculous is that on another ride again it wasn't like the biggest ride it was like it was called the ninja which is a roller coaster but they were like going to check everybody's like straps and stuff and the guy just like you see him checking it and then he goes to mine and he just touched it like he just tapped it I'm like you weren't even lifting or anything you just touched it just touching it does not check anything you know like i was like did he just touch it you know what i mean like how they they just they assumed that it's right set but yeah that guys it could be loose and you can go flying out yeah and then what a fucking scary way to die that must be and then there was this like this guy that like uh he kept on splice like we're waiting in line for like a raft ride and it was really hot and so every like couple minutes he would like splash everybody that's in line with water like he was the lifeguard that he was the one that pushed you down over the side in this raft But every couple minutes he would like splash you It kept on like fucking kicking water in my face So when I got up there I just started fucking kicking water back at him And he goes and he blows the whistle Goals hey we got a problem here I'm like wait I can't splash you You just got done fucking splashing me for 15 minutes So now I'm feeling like I'm getting in fights with people That are here to like make sure I know But isn't a part of the ride that he splashes you?

[1245] No no no this is while we're waiting in line So he's just being a dick Like spraying people with water And he was doing it like three he probably hit me like three or five times Did you ask him to stop?

[1246] No, everyone in line was like, what the fuck, stop, you know?

[1247] Like, there was like parents and stuff and kids.

[1248] And the kids were liking it.

[1249] But, you know, it's like, hey.

[1250] So the kids were liking it?

[1251] Yeah, but I wasn't liking it.

[1252] No, I splashed them back.

[1253] I was like, hey, let's have a splash.

[1254] You know, here's the thing that you have to consider back to the subject of parasites.

[1255] When you're at those water parks, man, you have to be real careful of swallowing that water.

[1256] Oh.

[1257] That water is funky as fuck.

[1258] Dude, I saw a fucking turd in the water.

[1259] Oh, dude, no doubt.

[1260] There's like a pool.

[1261] Like a wave pool, and then they have, like, the small, like, pool for just, like, kids and stuff like that.

[1262] Hey, man, I know a woman who was a nurse, and her daughter went to one of those parks, swallowed some water, and got horribly sick and became paralyzed.

[1263] She got some sort of terrible infection.

[1264] She was deathly ill, and she wound up with a limited use of her legs, man. What?

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] Are you serious?

[1267] Dude, infections can fuck with your whole system, man. That's fucking scary.

[1268] Infection.

[1269] You know, Cole Escobito, you know Cole Escobito.

[1270] You know, he had staff and he was paralyzed, man. He, like, almost couldn't walk again.

[1271] It took him, like, over a year to recover from that shit.

[1272] You can get an infection, dude, that just wrecks your whole life.

[1273] And those water parks are prime.

[1274] That water is not clean at all.

[1275] That water is death.

[1276] You swallow a mouthful of that water.

[1277] Like, if you go to a water park with your kids, you've got to be real upfront with them about this.

[1278] You got to say you cannot take this water into your mouth.

[1279] This is a bad, dangerous water.

[1280] For real, it sounds ridiculous, but you really shouldn't take your kids on those slide, or those water rides.

[1281] They get a mouthful of that shit, your little four -year -old who doesn't know any better.

[1282] They could get fucking deathly ill. They could die.

[1283] Did you know you're not supposed to swallow even a drop of toothpaste?

[1284] Yeah, toothpaste has fluoride in it, dude.

[1285] It's poisonous.

[1286] Yeah.

[1287] Fluoride is bad for you.

[1288] I used as a kid when I was drunk driving, I would keep toothpaste in my car, and I would, like, put it in my mouth and switch it between the mouth and swallow it.

[1289] Yeah, well, you're dying now.

[1290] That's why.

[1291] You're rotting out from the inside That's why you've got that cat piss going on It's fighting the cat piss, my fluoride Dude, it's no joke, man Fluoride is scary shit That's the reason why it kills everything in the water And everything in your mouth It just seems like you should tell people that Hey, this thing that you put in your mouth Don't swallow it No one ever told me it I buy that hippie toothpaste I buy hippie toothpaste I buy that Uncle Tom's of Maine stuff It doesn't have any anything in it Or Tom's of Maine Uncle Tom I made him Uncle Tom's I used to eat TV guy You used to eat TV guy?

[1292] I used to eat the TV guy Seriously That's how poor I was I would turn out pieces of paper I would like eat like a complete page But I would snack on little pieces of it Are you fucking serious?

[1293] Yeah seriously I had like this I guess I was mineral deficient or something And needed fiber or something Wow I used to eat the TV guy I used to eat boogers You guys everyone used to eat boogers right No I was into burgers I was into dirt and grass I like taking like a real wet a tangy, sloppy booger and you just keep rolling it, working it it on your finger until it's a solid ball.

[1294] And then you eat it.

[1295] And I would munch on it.

[1296] It's like making bread.

[1297] You know what I mean?

[1298] I'm fighting back at Dry Heave.

[1299] I used to eat grass so much.

[1300] A long time ago, dude.

[1301] I used to eat grass so much as a kid that now I could get wheatgrass juice and I love the taste of wheat grass just because I used to eat so much grass as a kid.

[1302] Wow.

[1303] Oh, I fucked up the other day of Jamba Juice.

[1304] I totally did not mean to do this.

[1305] But there's this girl.

[1306] She got me my wheat grass juice.

[1307] And she goes, do you want an orange chase her with it?

[1308] And I go, no, I'm okay.

[1309] I'm like, oh, this stuff is nasty.

[1310] And I downed it.

[1311] And she goes, she goes, you think it's nasty?

[1312] I love the taste.

[1313] I go, oh, that's because you're a cow.

[1314] Oh, you really did that?

[1315] I didn't mean that, though.

[1316] What I mean?

[1317] What are you?

[1318] A cow?

[1319] Was he fat?

[1320] Pig?

[1321] No, she wasn't fat.

[1322] But every girl thinks she's fat.

[1323] Right.

[1324] But if it was a dude, you know, we were joking around before that, you know?

[1325] It was like all friendly talk.

[1326] And I just, I totally didn't.

[1327] You can't call a girl a cow.

[1328] You can tell a dude a cow.

[1329] Like, if a guy said, like, oh, I like to taste a wheat grass.

[1330] Like, what are you a fucking cow?

[1331] Like, you'd be joking around with him.

[1332] Like, as long as you're laughing and smiling, it would be all fun.

[1333] But with a girl, you can never call her a cow.

[1334] I could call you a cow.

[1335] If you were eating grass, I'm like, what are you a fucking cow?

[1336] Yeah, that's everything's right.

[1337] Or you could call a white guy.

[1338] Like, if he's a beast, that motherfucker's a gorilla.

[1339] Right, right, right.

[1340] I call you a gorilla all the time.

[1341] Yeah, you can't say that about a black dude.

[1342] Yeah, you can't.

[1343] They get mad.

[1344] Yeah.

[1345] What are you guys saying?

[1346] What are we saying?

[1347] Why would they get met?

[1348] What the fuck, Brian?

[1349] Why are you even bringing it up?

[1350] I totally, right after it came out of my mouth, I wanted to take it back, but then I don't want to address it.

[1351] I didn't want to.

[1352] I really don't mean you're a cow.

[1353] I was just a terrible idea of a joke that I wasn't thinking.

[1354] I just said it.

[1355] And then after I escaped my mouth, I was like, oh, you dick.

[1356] But I didn't mean to be a dick.

[1357] So I'm in this new part of a relationship where when I fart, I can't say it's a fart yet.

[1358] So how do you get to that part of the relationship where you could just be like, I farted, you know, because I'm so tired of blaming on cats.

[1359] Don't go there.

[1360] Don't go there.

[1361] It'll kill everything.

[1362] I know.

[1363] Be honest, is the sex drive exactly where it was from the beginning to the way it is now?

[1364] Same thing?

[1365] Yeah, absolutely.

[1366] Has it tapered off at all?

[1367] No, no. It's getting way better.

[1368] Don't fart.

[1369] Don't fart.

[1370] Good reason to have all those animals around.

[1371] The other day, it was so bad, and I had no excuses.

[1372] I couldn't say the cat did it because I've said it so many times.

[1373] Luckily, she didn't say a word.

[1374] You know, you should just ignore it?

[1375] No, just, you know, in the middle of the night, while you're sleeping, punch her in the nose, and then her nose will swell up.

[1376] She'll get a deviated septum.

[1377] It makes it much harder to smell farts.

[1378] Yeah, farting in your sleep and you, you ever fart so loud you wake up in your sleep?

[1379] Are you okay to fart in front of your girl?

[1380] I don't, just out of respect.

[1381] Do you leave the room?

[1382] Do you leave the room?

[1383] Sometimes, like, if she walks in, like she'll walk into my office, I'm like, you better back to fuck up, I just farted.

[1384] You know, I don't fart in front of it because I don't want her fart in front of me. This is what I'm thinking is there's times where I have to fart really, really, out, but I'll just hold that motherfucker, and then I fall asleep.

[1385] Is there any way you hold it while you're still asleep?

[1386] No, I don't know.

[1387] No way.

[1388] I had an ex -girlfriend wake me up because she was farting.

[1389] She farted so loud.

[1390] It woke me up.

[1391] And I was like, what the fuck did I hear?

[1392] And I was like, look at her ass.

[1393] And then a second one came out.

[1394] Like a really loud one.

[1395] And then she woke up.

[1396] She was like, what happened?

[1397] I go, yeah, what happened?

[1398] And then I went back to sleep.

[1399] You know those vacuums that they have at the car wash places?

[1400] You know what I mean?

[1401] If they'd have one right by your beds, you just got right on your ass.

[1402] That's right.

[1403] Like a smoking, like a smoking lot.

[1404] You'd always have to think about that thing stuck to your ass.

[1405] What I did last...

[1406] That's it.

[1407] Gone, bro.

[1408] What I did last night is I got this tip off the internet is that you take a little bit of Vicks vapor rub and put around your assholes.

[1409] So even if it does fart, it just smells like Vix vapor rub.

[1410] So on the internet, got a tip to do that.

[1411] Yeah, you try that.

[1412] Your asshole is going to light on fire.

[1413] That's terrible advice, right?

[1414] No, no. Try it out.

[1415] Try it.

[1416] It's probably going to get you drunk.

[1417] You got to put capsation right on your butthole.

[1418] Your butthole is like open source.

[1419] It's like an open water.

[1420] wound you know it's super super open skin it's incredible how airtight it is because you know there's like a gigantic explosion like right there at the end but yeah you can't smell it so what can you do besides fix vapor rub that would come right if you like if you rub like shaving cream or alcohol after shave on your hands it never bothers you at all but if you rub that shit in your balls it's gonna fucking hurt and your balls like you dip your dick in it if you dip your dick in that stuff and it touches like that soft tissue you put that around your asshole what about just some bubble gum or something just bubble gum Do you plug it up with some bubble gum before you go to bed?

[1421] Put roses around it, like glue roses around it so it goes through a rose filter.

[1422] Some lemon juice.

[1423] Maybe that's what you could do.

[1424] Make a filter out of roses, like a diaphragm.

[1425] Right.

[1426] And he has little stickies on it on the side and you just stick it right to your butthole.

[1427] So it's like a filter.

[1428] So when you fart, it goes through.

[1429] There was an S &L sketch like maybe 15 years ago.

[1430] It was a commercial parody where they go, now you can, you know, no more embarrassing farts, whatever, they take a big horn.

[1431] And you stuck a big horn in your ass.

[1432] And then when you would fart, they'd be an electronic voice.

[1433] it said, how about them Dodgers?

[1434] Oh, I remember that.

[1435] I remember that.

[1436] It was like the worst thing I was somebody.

[1437] It was just, how about them Dodgers?

[1438] And then it did filter out your fart smell.

[1439] It is pretty incredible when you think about all the technology that we have, that we have zero invested in farts.

[1440] We have nothing invested in cleaning up a smell of farts.

[1441] There's no product.

[1442] Farts are like a normal part of everyone's day.

[1443] And yet there's no technology.

[1444] that exist to try to deal with these farts.

[1445] There should be like a fart sucker built inside the seat cushion where you sit down and it's like right there and you could secretly just press that button.

[1446] Why don't they have filters?

[1447] They have a filter on the top of my litter box so that I don't smell my cat's shit.

[1448] There's a charcoal filter.

[1449] Why don't they make filters for your underwear if you like, if you like to eat a lot of Mexican food or if you're going out drinking and you know you're going to be farting?

[1450] Why don't they have some filters?

[1451] Yeah, that's a good idea.

[1452] Like fart cotex.

[1453] Yeah, exactly.

[1454] Like fart codex.

[1455] building into your underwear your Saturday night party in shorts You have delcrow and shit It's built in These are your Saturday night party in underwear And they have built in charcoal filter Yeah And then they're just scented Like strawberries or something like that too It's really like a butt plug Because you gotta fuck with the noise Too, the noise is gonna fuck ever So you need to stick something in your ass Like maybe a couple inches And then it just like something realistic Well the noise would be way muffled If you got a kotex over your buttle How much?

[1456] Not a real loud one Not my farts I'll tell you what She'll go right for that.

[1457] Tate Fletcher would be their fucking product management guy.

[1458] He'd be the one to test to see the efficacy of their individuals.

[1459] Tiltors.

[1460] Tate would be.

[1461] Nobody can fart like Tate.

[1462] White trench coat.

[1463] Sound.

[1464] You can't fucking clipboard.

[1465] Tate.

[1466] He's like organizing.

[1467] He's like head of the science team.

[1468] Like it's all built around his gas.

[1469] He has a stethoscope.

[1470] He like put the stethical, near his stomach to try to determine whether I was ready to fart.

[1471] Did you fart?

[1472] No, it's hot.

[1473] It's fucking.

[1474] It's hot.

[1475] I got to, my AC broke on this side of the house.

[1476] I got to get it first.

[1477] Get some Mexicans to fix that Hey, what the fuck again with the Mexicans man Jesus So speaking of Mexicans The Gulf of Mexico The fucking oil spill They've just determined That the oil is coming out In multiple locations They've just confirmed That it's not just this one spot So even if they dig this relief well It still might be fuck Because the oil's coming out From all these different spots Like very far away from each other It's a fucking mess dude Has it fucked up Cancun yet?

[1478] I don't know I don't think so Once it goes around the Florida and goes up the coast, that's crazy.

[1479] Because, I mean, just think Myrtle Beach, Florida beaches, all that shit, you're not going to be able to swim in that beach on the East Coast.

[1480] Yeah, all those beaches are jacked.

[1481] Dude, it might go to England.

[1482] Yeah.

[1483] It's the whole thing.

[1484] That's fine.

[1485] It's so incredible that they don't have a way to stop the oil that they're allowed to make these things and not have fail safes.

[1486] You would think there would be a bunch of set fail safes.

[1487] If there's a rupture in this line, we shut it off here, there's a rupture here, we shut it off here.

[1488] This way we can absolutely ensure there will be no pollution.

[1489] comes out of this book.

[1490] What kind of animals are going to evolve and thrive in the oil?

[1491] It's like these crazy beasts.

[1492] It's probably not going to happen.

[1493] What's probably going to happen maybe millions of years from now if it kept like that.

[1494] No, what's going to happen is going to kill all these animals off.

[1495] Oh, make believe.

[1496] Monsters.

[1497] Fire monster.

[1498] Some fucking dragon that eats the oil and then stores it like a special gland.

[1499] And it's got rocks in the back of his throat.

[1500] That's how it sparks up the flames.

[1501] He shits cold.

[1502] How many dragons are there in ancient cultures?

[1503] And where the fuck did that come?

[1504] from dragons still exist man i went to the zoo and some of these lizard things those looked like fucking like comodo dragons right that shit's crazy if you just have you think that's what it is yeah i think comodo dragons were just like you know dwarfs of their big bro old relative so you think like the chinese dragon came from someone saw like a crocodile or a kimono dragon and just drew it and the story went to do drawings being misinterpreted you know like when you were saying that dude like there was drawings of people tales and stuff that's right just some gay guy that some dude was drawing you know like he was dressed up as a dragon or it could have been like you know the national inquirer for 6 ,000 years ago they're just making shit up exactly right yeah yeah that's possible okay if you had to believe in one dragons or vampires you had to choose one dragons dragons fucking vampires dude vampires are so stupid don't forget about gary old think about that think about that i believe war wolves before i believe name one cool dragon fuck no i believe vampires before i believe werewolves because I think vampires what could be is it could be some sort of a parasite something that hijacks your system yeah but vampires supposed to be dead and you can't yeah but what if the parasite hijacks your aging system too and keeps you alive but it makes you feast on blood but wherewolves could be just the idea of a blood sucking person a person that lives off blood that a parasite could trick you into doing that that is way more possible than a werewolf someone changes back and forth to another animal and then back again that's ridiculous so you're saying that sun can burn people during the day No, but I could say that if they had some sort of a crazy blood problem, you know, where they may be intensely anemic, they might have like a real aversion to sun.

[1505] They might lose the pigment in their eyes.

[1506] It's possible, man. If you think, you see the shit that parasites do do different insects, different caterpillars and bugs and ants and all sorts of different things.

[1507] Their whole bodies get hijacked by parasites completely rewires their entire system.

[1508] It happens to frogs.

[1509] It happens to lizards.

[1510] so many different animals exist in the animal kingdom and they're just recently discovering new parasites that hijacked new hosts and cause them to do shit So let's get this straight The cat parasites make women more horny It makes women more submissive It makes, I mean there's all sorts of, you know interpretation of how it exactly affects them But it seems to make men and women the opposite Makes men more aggressive make women And are they gonna bottle it?

[1511] There's some crazy guy with a beard down It doesn't calm down Brazilian women aren't calm Well then I don't that doesn't make sense because they're wild too and they have to deal with all those wild men so it makes them extra wild what are you saying man this is all based off the research of one guy right no no no no no no is this based no no no no no toxoplasma is very well established no i mean that's overtaking like this is this is not this is the cdc six million people or uh or 60 million people rather in america have it this is the cdc if you look online there's many different studies many different reports many different scientists working on this Toxoplasma is a very real parasite that is actually detectable in people that they know is also responsible in part or connected in part to all sorts of different psychological ailments.

[1512] Yeah, but the part that it's schizophrenic...

[1513] It's making girls submissive that part of this whole...

[1514] No, it's not just one guy saying this, no. It would also change all sorts of animals.

[1515] Like I said, it changes rats, makes them attracted cat piss, changes men, makes them assholes, makes them assholes, makes them reckless.

[1516] I mean, it's really fascinating stuff, man. When you hear that guy's research and you think about how many different parasites might exist without your mic, your mic, just on plug?

[1517] Check, check, check, check, there we go.

[1518] There we go.

[1519] But I can't hear you.

[1520] We can't hear Joe.

[1521] That's the thing.

[1522] Yeah, your mic just went out.

[1523] What about now?

[1524] Check, check.

[1525] Okay, how much was out?

[1526] Check.

[1527] Just for like 20 seconds.

[1528] We're talking about cat piss.

[1529] Anyway, we know that these parasites exist And we know that these parasites affect people And if we know there's just a couple of them How do we not know that there's a bunch more That we haven't detected yet?

[1530] What about, do you as a kid used to eat those Green weeds with the yellow flower on the top Did you ever eat those?

[1531] The dogs would piss on them Dogs would pee on them and I would eat them Oh, dandelions?

[1532] The green stalks with a yellow flower at the top Yeah, that's a dandelion.

[1533] Dandelions you eat, yeah You can eat the grass.

[1534] And dogs piss on them all the time.

[1535] Think about the parasites I got in my balls right now.

[1536] Piss is good for you.

[1537] Oh, man, you have some sort of crazy piss parasite.

[1538] Have you ever thought about that, how crazy that is, though, that if there really is an animal parasite that makes people, like, aggressive, it makes women submissive, like, that is Brazil.

[1539] Like, dudes are super aggressive.

[1540] Yeah, I don't.

[1541] Cocaine makes women submissive?

[1542] It makes them drop to their knees immediately.

[1543] That's just because they need that.

[1544] Coke, right?

[1545] Are they just happy to get that Coke?

[1546] No, I think the Coke makes them immediately submissive.

[1547] Yeah, I think it's Coke too.

[1548] Remember Larry used to have Coke around just...

[1549] Dude, you don't want to blow up anybody's spot.

[1550] No one knows who Larry is.

[1551] The cable guy.

[1552] That's one thing I've never fuck with it.

[1553] I'm very glad.

[1554] Never tried that shit.

[1555] Never fucked with it.

[1556] I knew too many people that had real problems with it.

[1557] I've done Coke maybe five times in my whole life.

[1558] Maybe three to five times.

[1559] Suck.

[1560] Pussies.

[1561] Sucked.

[1562] They say you've got to get that.

[1563] that rock star coke that's what uh tom sawyer from uh cobs in san francisco he's always saying you got to get that rock star coke shit i read somewhere something about coke how there's bad coke going around now that like will eat your skin like it has some kind of fucking chemical on it that just starts burning your skin what fuck i don't i gotta google this now bad cocaine what was what you were telling me about Tylenol what the fuck is going on so i there was if you try to get Tylenol right now i guess there's this huge tyllol like where they pulled it from the store shelves.

[1564] And what's crazy is that I did some research on it.

[1565] And it seems like, so they did all these like things where they went to the factories where Tylenol is made.

[1566] And they found like, like, uh, bacteria inside Tylenol.

[1567] They found like the chemicals that were being made to make Tylenol were off.

[1568] Like there was too much of one chemical and not enough of another chemical.

[1569] So it could possibly have got, you know, made kids sick.

[1570] And so they, they pulled off tyanol off the shelves, I guess.

[1571] But then the other.

[1572] day there was this report that came out there was this report that came out that Johnson and Johnson the company that owns Tylenol or whatever hired this third party company from San Diego to act like customers and then go into grocery stores and buy all this one product off the shelf like they were doing a phantom recall meaning they didn't want to tell anybody or anyone to know so they hired a company to go into grocery stores and do pharmacies to take this product off their shelf and then they got caught and then a month later they they recalled this other drug.

[1573] It's just like Tyanol.

[1574] I forget the name of it.

[1575] It was like another one of it, like Kids Tionol or something like that.

[1576] How much have you looked into this?

[1577] Seriously, it was like a half hour today.

[1578] I just read around today.

[1579] But Tionol, Johnson Johnson, was supposed to give over to the FDA like this report about their findings and stuff like that.

[1580] And they missed the deadline.

[1581] I think the deadline was yesterday or two days ago.

[1582] They missed the deadline.

[1583] So something might be up with Tionol.

[1584] So if you have any Tionol from 2008, you might want to go check it out throw it away or do whatever you have to do because there was another report I was reading as I say something like there was 30 deaths related to Tylenol in the last two years and they don't know if that's connected or not either so I don't know Google search Tylenol recall there's some crazy shit going on with some Tylenol right now wow they're saying that the pharmacists that we were at today said that there might not be Tylenol until 2011 damn who's who got in trouble for cyanide they're saying there's potential criminal charges and indictments yeah That's what they're saying about Tylenol.

[1585] What the fuck.

[1586] And it's crazy because you pay extra for Tylenol.

[1587] You know, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, like, more expensive than, like, the average pan -rely brand.

[1588] Right.

[1589] And you would think that they would have their shit together a little bit better than fucking buffering.

[1590] First Toyota now this.

[1591] What's next?

[1592] Fucking Coca -Cola.

[1593] You imagine that shit?

[1594] Well, as the economy starts to fuck up as, you know, people start to make less and less money, you're going to see more and more problems, I'm sure.

[1595] Less and less and less, you know, fail -safe measures.

[1596] Did you watch The Last Comic Standing last night?

[1597] No. I gave up on that show a long time ago.

[1598] Was it good?

[1599] I didn't watch it, but I heard it was okay.

[1600] Wow, fucking fascinating.

[1601] Yeah, last comic standing, man. I just don't like the fact that they make them sit in a room and do stand -up comedy for three people.

[1602] You know, that to me is just like, what?

[1603] That's how they're going to audition.

[1604] They're going to stand in front of three people, and one of them is going to try to pretend that they're Simon.

[1605] Is that what happens?

[1606] One's really mean.

[1607] Is that how they do it?

[1608] If you had a tremendous migraine headache and you only had two things, Tylenol or cocaine, what would you do?

[1609] Cocaine.

[1610] Okay.

[1611] Wow.

[1612] You trust cocaine that you don't even know where it came from.

[1613] Could come from some fucking greasy immigrant.

[1614] You're going to trust cocaine over a nice American name brand like Tylenol.

[1615] So they made a few of mistakes, Brian.

[1616] How many good pills they put out, huh?

[1617] Millions and millions and millions of people all across the world have had relieved headaches because of Tylenol.

[1618] And you want to hate because they fucked up a little bit here and there?

[1619] That's deep.

[1620] Come on, man, that's deep.

[1621] Tyanol doesn't get you laid.

[1622] Cocaine does.

[1623] Wow, I just got a good point, dude.

[1624] You know, I got some Tylenol, baby.

[1625] If you crush up Tylenol into powder like Joey Diaz, that'll get you laid.

[1626] The girls that you can only fuck because you're giving them Coke, you really shouldn't fuck them.

[1627] What, models?

[1628] No, the fucking people don't really want to fuck you.

[1629] That's what I'm saying.

[1630] You know they fuck the fat chicks that like Tylenol.

[1631] You should only fuck girls who want to fuck you.

[1632] You shouldn't fuck girls who want to fuck you for Coke.

[1633] I mean, you got to do what you got to do.

[1634] That's the only way you can get laid.

[1635] I understand your position.

[1636] I got cocaine or I got my personality.

[1637] Which one you want, baby.

[1638] If you have two possibilities.

[1639] One, fucking girls who actually want to fuck you.

[1640] And two, fucking girls that you can only fuck because you give them drugs.

[1641] I would say go with number one.

[1642] Yeah.

[1643] Right?

[1644] Yeah.

[1645] Everybody wants the person who's fucking them to like to fuck them.

[1646] Nobody wants to be fucking some coked up chick who's just got her half an eye on the nightstand at all times looking over at that mirror.

[1647] When you're banging her, just wants another line.

[1648] Yeah, but what if you're, annoyed with the chick.

[1649] You just want her to fuck out but you want to drop it load first then Coke's perfect.

[1650] I guess, but doesn't she want more Coke?

[1651] Doesn't that the thing about Coke is that you can never get rid of them?

[1652] They'll be cool for like two hours.

[1653] You give them a little bit and they'll think that's enough.

[1654] You just give them the Coke and tell them to leave with some Coke.

[1655] You tell them you'll meet them at the club and you've got more Coke.

[1656] You're going to bring all the Coke.

[1657] You meet them at the club.

[1658] Who has more aspirin stories than Joey Diaz?

[1659] What the fuck?

[1660] I fucking crushed up aspirin.

[1661] Tell us a Joey story.

[1662] Let me tell you something.

[1663] There was this one time this chick was like, I just need to get a line.

[1664] I'm like, I just need to get my dick sucked.

[1665] What a coincidence.

[1666] So we're back, go back to my place.

[1667] I'm telling us pitch I got the best fucking Coke ever.

[1668] This shit's coming straight from Pablo Escobar.

[1669] He delivered himself.

[1670] He came over on a fucking donkey with a sombrero on and a fat bag of Coke.

[1671] Hold on, honey.

[1672] I'm going to get it.

[1673] I'll be right back.

[1674] I went to the bathroom.

[1675] I started fucking chopping up all these different pieces of vitamins, vitamin fucking B and fucking talcum powder and shit.

[1676] I laid a couple of lines.

[1677] I stuck it in her mouth.

[1678] I shot off a load.

[1679] Before she even knew what hit her, I was gone.

[1680] You know what I'm saying?

[1681] Dog, you know me. You know that role, dog.

[1682] I'm like, oh shit, we got to get out of here.

[1683] I realize the cops are coming at noon.

[1684] Run.

[1685] I got her out to the fucking front.

[1686] I got in my car.

[1687] I told her, take a left at the light.

[1688] I'll meet you down the street.

[1689] I took her right.

[1690] Fuck her.

[1691] I'm gone.

[1692] I got on the freeway.

[1693] Got off the first exit.

[1694] Fuck you.

[1695] I win.

[1696] Put away the whip.

[1697] ponies dead nice that's a good joie that was my joey dyes impression you do like such a good impression okay okay review review joey diaz joey what do you think about this whole uh uh cat piss thing the parasite listen that's a soft spot in my heart you know i got cats you know i love him the death but the bottom line is i'm an asshole and uh i live with a bunch of fucking cats i think he's probably got it joey totally has it totally has it totally Joey brings in cats from outside.

[1698] Yeah.

[1699] He brings in, like, monster cats.

[1700] Like, remember he was always talking about the samurai, that cat that had the big scars all over his face?

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] That's a wild Tomcat.

[1703] He is one of the guys that's a grown adult that subscribes to Cat Fancy magazine that actually keeps that magazine in business, which I can't believe Cat Fancy still has a subscribers.

[1704] Does he really subscribe to Cat Fancy magazine?

[1705] Yeah, yeah, but then you get like real magazines, so, you know, like, whatever, Time Magazine or whatever, that's hurting because of the economy, but yet Cat Fancy.

[1706] I wonder if Joey would freak out if we see.

[1707] He wouldn't watch that DVD.

[1708] And I don't think you'd read that article.

[1709] You'd have to show him a documentary on the cat parasite.

[1710] You'd have to be a documentary.

[1711] Are you concerned at all about the oil spill or anything?

[1712] How does that affect your life directly?

[1713] It affects me because I think it's going to be.

[1714] I mean, Joey.

[1715] Oh, oh, thank you.

[1716] I was like, where the fuck's this coming?

[1717] Listen, Eddie, Bravo.

[1718] Look at me. Do I look like I look like I get in the fucking ocean and dodge sharks?

[1719] What am I fucking Aquaman?

[1720] Cock sucker?

[1721] Listen, this is what I'm going to do.

[1722] I'm going to walk down to the weed store.

[1723] I'm going to roll a joy.

[1724] Say a prayer to the mother.

[1725] I hope they fucking clean this shit out.

[1726] If not, I guess I'm not going swimming.

[1727] Who would he say?

[1728] What the fuck?

[1729] I got enough problems in my own life, okay?

[1730] You got to give a fuck about a greasy pelican.

[1731] You got oil on you, you fuck.

[1732] Oh, man. Tough shit.

[1733] Fly away, motherfucker.

[1734] You got wings.

[1735] You're going to sit there and let the oil hit you?

[1736] Fuck you.

[1737] You finally got texting about six months ago.

[1738] Why you're busting my balls any problem?

[1739] No, what do you think about the iPhone and the HD camera and all that shit?

[1740] You're going to go into the iPhone now?

[1741] Do you think Joey would go into the iPhone?

[1742] I don't know.

[1743] You tell me. He wants an iPhone bad.

[1744] Listen, no, he's too old school for that.

[1745] No, he wants an iPhone.

[1746] He just got a iPhone, you know, like one of those phones that are acting like the iPhone.

[1747] He did?

[1748] Yeah.

[1749] What did he get?

[1750] It's like Sprint iPhone.

[1751] I don't know.

[1752] Some Sprint Sprint.

[1753] He was supposed to be here this week.

[1754] Is Joey going to get an iPhone?

[1755] You think?

[1756] He would have.

[1757] Eddie Bravo, listen to me. I'm old school.

[1758] I barely, barely get on that fucking thing to text.

[1759] Do you hear me?

[1760] You think I'm going to get there and we're going to fucking do apps together?

[1761] Oh, let's play Donkey Kong.

[1762] We're fucking tether.

[1763] Come on, you can get online with my laptop through your asshole and you're going to fucking connect it with a fucking USB cable.

[1764] I don't need all this nonsense in my life.

[1765] I don't need all this aggravation.

[1766] I'm going to the weed store.

[1767] I'm going to roll a joint.

[1768] I'm going to walk down to the fucking wind store.

[1769] All right.

[1770] I'm not hurting nobody.

[1771] I'm not bothering nobody Did your weed store close?

[1772] No Here to mine No Did they close them down?

[1773] They're closing a bunch Because they're too close to churches Parks or schools You have to be within a certain feet From a church, a park, or a school I don't know how many it is But it's like a thousand or some shit Which is pretty far I checked all of my places And none of them are closing How ridiculous is it that you can't be near a park Because that's where all the illegal dealers It's almost like the illegal dealers got in on the action.

[1774] Yeah.

[1775] I think the people, you buy your weed, probably.

[1776] People at the top of the weed movement, and especially the guys that own the most successful dispensaries, I think they like these stores being raided and stuff.

[1777] Oh, yeah, especially when guys fuck up when they're going against the regulations.

[1778] We had a conversation with Idolman because we got our you're right there.

[1779] I'm putting your dick out, man. What are you doing?

[1780] This is radio.

[1781] The, you know, the...

[1782] Bowels.

[1783] The Idleman, the doctor, the Idleman went to jail for it.

[1784] And Idomen was talking about the November election.

[1785] And we were like, you know, if this stuff becomes legal in November, like, what are you going to do?

[1786] You're not going to be able to give out, you know, prescriptions anymore.

[1787] And he's like, yeah, well, it's actually kind of a dilemma for me. I haven't really thought about that.

[1788] Wait a minute.

[1789] What are we doing?

[1790] If that guy, if weed became legal, his whole business shuts down.

[1791] What the fuck does he do then?

[1792] That's a tricky situation for a weed doctor, man. It's going to be wild if it gets through, though.

[1793] But if it gets through in California and it becomes absolutely legal, it's going to be fucking crazy.

[1794] It's going to really change the culture here because people realize how much has changed the culture since medical marijuana became legal.

[1795] But that's just the beginning, man. When it becomes legal, when it comes, you know, a personal use issue, when you just have to be over 21, you just go to the fucking corner drugstore and they're selling weed.

[1796] They're selling weed everywhere.

[1797] It's going to change things, man. They're going to start selling weed at bars.

[1798] They're going to have weed smoking sections at bars for sure.

[1799] They'll have, like, a back patio where you can smoke weed.

[1800] Dude, it's going to be nuts, man. When they allow you to buy a joint at a movie theater, like, at the arc light, they want to have, like, smoke.

[1801] Because they have, like, a movie theater designated with a bar.

[1802] You have to be 21 to get into this theater at the top.

[1803] They're going to have a weed theater.

[1804] That's what, that's...

[1805] But the problem is you can't even smoke cigarettes indoors because it's a personal, it's other people's health.

[1806] You get to choose.

[1807] But you have.

[1808] You get to choose.

[1809] You get to choose?

[1810] Yeah, but they don't let that.

[1811] They don't let that happen in California.

[1812] You can't even smoke at a bar.

[1813] It's not even an option.

[1814] You have to go to a cigar bar.

[1815] I belong to a cigar bar in Beverly Hills, and you go there and you can smoke.

[1816] The cigar bars.

[1817] That's the future.

[1818] Yeah, but cigar bar is like a bunch of, you know, stuffy rich dudes, and it costs a lot of money.

[1819] It's like $1 ,000 a year, something like that, maybe more.

[1820] That's the gayest thing I've ever heard.

[1821] You take a failed cigar bar, they got the licensing for smoke and convert it into a weed bar.

[1822] I don't know.

[1823] I wonder how many cigar bars there are.

[1824] There's a bunch of cigar stores that let you smoke right next to the end.

[1825] Improv this one.

[1826] Vending machines everywhere.

[1827] That's what you would have, like a store that lets you smoke there.

[1828] In Canada, they got spots.

[1829] It's weird because in Canada, you can't buy the weed there if you're going to smoke, but they have places where you can smoke weed.

[1830] You've got to bring your own shit.

[1831] In Vancouver, right?

[1832] Vancouver and in Toronto.

[1833] There's places where the bottom floor is a restaurant and like a snack bar, cafe, and then you rent these rooms.

[1834] There's rooms like as big as this, giant screen TV, Xbox, PlayStation, DVDs, couches.

[1835] Well, you know who's taking us around in Vancouver?

[1836] We're going to Vancouver this weekend, by the way.

[1837] Hell yeah, we are.

[1838] Friday night, if you want to come, I'm hanging out with Adam Skorgie, the guy who produced the Union, and we're going to do another documentary together.

[1839] And one of the things that we're going to do is dispel a lot of the myths about people being lazy and, you know, marijuana smokers being lazy and how much propaganda has been distributed to people about marijuana making you lazy.

[1840] and one of the things I want to do is feature your school and feature you know you teaching and you how many times you've done this where you teach class you go how many guys are high and like 30 dudes raise their hands I don't think I've taught a night class not stone day classes too I go on stone too but I used to not get high for the day classes but night class I mean my classes are 830 at night there's no way I'm going to get to that class and not be stone you know yeah and you know there was one of the things came up in the UFC Q &A, they asked me about weed and about whether or not I think weed is a enhancer, a physical enhancement, you know, whether or not I think that it's a performance enhancer.

[1841] And this guy said that he thinks it is, and he was talking about him doing jiu -jitsu.

[1842] And I said, I agree.

[1843] I think it is.

[1844] I go, I feel like when I'm stoned and I do jiu -jitsu, I feel like I focus more.

[1845] I can see it clearly.

[1846] I have more tunnel vision as to what I'm doing.

[1847] My movements are more precise.

[1848] Yeah, there's so many jiu -jitsu players.

[1849] I mean, I'm sure in all sports It's the same thing in basketball, but basketball's huge too, yeah.

[1850] For sure.

[1851] There's so many top jujitsu players that are stoned out of their fucking minds when they roll, including the Diaz brothers.

[1852] They admitted BJ Penn. There's no, and then when people say...

[1853] So many guys.

[1854] And then they say that it cuts down on your reaction time.

[1855] That's impossible.

[1856] If anything, if you're doing jujitsu and your reaction time is slow down, in any way, your jiu jihitsu is going to suck.

[1857] Totally.

[1858] just there's no way you can do anything that's going to slow your reaction time and be really good at it.

[1859] It doesn't work that way.

[1860] There's no way you could have slow reactions like when, you know, there's a reason why rappers always get high when they rap they're flowing, they got a million words a minute coming out of their mouth.

[1861] There can't be any slow reaction time.

[1862] It's a myth.

[1863] There's no slowing.

[1864] It doesn't slow anything down.

[1865] It's not at all.

[1866] The mic's on different levels.

[1867] People are complaining the mic's on different levels.

[1868] I turned yours up.

[1869] I took ears down when you were doing to Joey Diaz because it was pulling away.

[1870] Yeah, dude, it doesn't slow you down at all.

[1871] People that say it does are silly.

[1872] If anything, it just puts you in a different state of mind.

[1873] It puts you in a very creative state of mind.

[1874] If it wasn't for pot, I would say 80 % of my material would be different.

[1875] I think 80 % of the things that I write, I write, well, I'm high.

[1876] And that's being very conservative, because it easily could be 90%.

[1877] It could be 90 % of all the things that I write, I write under the influence of marijuana.

[1878] And I think if it wasn't for the marijuana, I think the material would be different.

[1879] It's much like that fucking cat parasite changes the way people behave.

[1880] Marijuana changes the way you behave.

[1881] But it changes it in a good way.

[1882] Sometimes.

[1883] Sometimes.

[1884] There's been many times where I've been stoned where I look back at shit I've thought or done while I was stoned.

[1885] I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking?

[1886] Like what?

[1887] All the time.

[1888] Usually when it comes to like making videos or just anything like it doesn't give you great ideas.

[1889] It just gives you much.

[1890] more of the energy to do the ideas.

[1891] More ideas that you would already come up with, but you're getting them all at once and everything is supercharged and it's really fast.

[1892] It doesn't make dumb people smart.

[1893] It depends on a bunch of things.

[1894] It depends on, first of all, how high you get.

[1895] Because if you get too high and you can get too high where everything spirals in front of you, and it becomes like, it's like you have millions of dollars flying around you, but you're in the middle of a tornado and you can't grab any of it.

[1896] You know, and sometimes you get to that super paranoid, super high state.

[1897] And, like, that's not manageable.

[1898] And you have to wait until you come down from that super high to a more manageable place.

[1899] Then you can become creative.

[1900] Then you sit down and write and you can keep a thought going.

[1901] And you say that, like, maybe sometimes Potts made you make shitty decisions.

[1902] But that's just making you take chances.

[1903] When you're sober, you know, and you go back and you look at it, you know, maybe you're just not seeing it in the way that you were seeing it then and it wasn't complete.

[1904] You know, you didn't fight complete the vision.

[1905] But look at how much cool shit that you have created.

[1906] from pot you know i mean pot has been responsible for a lot of your really good editing too don't you think yeah definitely but i mean i'm just saying i'm just saying it's not a hundred percent like nothing's 100 percent but you got to remember you want it you want to keep track of all the dumb ideas you come up with not stoned and then compare right that's really how you get the also it's your state of mind too it's like how are you coming to the creative table are you coming to the table tired are you coming to the table in a good mood you know i could have some personal issues going on.

[1907] I could have some things that are bothering me or some unfinished business that I need to get taken care of before my mind can be at peace.

[1908] And then you get high and then you don't have a good reaction.

[1909] But you could be in the best state.

[1910] And when I'm in the best state, when I'm feeling the best, and I'm the most loose and my mind feels free and I'm happy and I'm positive.

[1911] And then I get high.

[1912] Then it just feels like it all just tunes in.

[1913] Then I feel like I'm wide open to the point where there's nothing that's bothering me, nothing that's tightening me up.

[1914] So I'm wide open and loose.

[1915] And then the weed hits and it's just like it just washes you in this crazy energy it just hits you with this blast of like perception and this new way of seeing things that you know it sometimes can fuck you up but i think when even when it fucks you up like there's lessons in that shit there's lessons in why it fucked you up there's lessons in where your head was at when you weren't in the right place you know it's just it needs to be fucking someone needs to teach us how to do it that's what it is it's a very complicated thing using any entheogens losing marijuana using mushroom There should be people that are professionals that can talk people through the use of these things.

[1916] Like how you were talking last week about the Charmins and...

[1917] Fuck, yeah, man. We need that.

[1918] We need that.

[1919] If we had that with...

[1920] I hope that's something that comes out of this whole marijuana legalization thing.

[1921] I hope, you know, marijuana therapy, therapy for people that, you know, look, people need gambling therapy.

[1922] You don't.

[1923] I don't.

[1924] You know, we can gamble and quit, and it's no big deal.

[1925] But some people get knocked up on gambling.

[1926] They get fucked up and they can't stop gambling.

[1927] And I think there needs to be a therapy for weed people, too.

[1928] For some people that just get fucked up on weed.

[1929] And it's really just therapy they need.

[1930] You know, most of these addictions, like addiction to masturbation, addiction.

[1931] These are all psychological addictions.

[1932] They're not physical addictions, but they're still there.

[1933] So they're going to have to have that.

[1934] They're going to have to have therapy for people to get fucked up on weed.

[1935] You know, if we want to keep a healthy society during the transition, but it's no different than therapy for guys that cheat on their wife or therapy for masturbation or therapy for anything.

[1936] It's like you just got an error.

[1937] right guys i gotta take off we've been on two hours right it's five o 'clock on the button has it been two hours it's perfect yep holy shit that was quick man that's the way to do it son awesome awesome we had some great uh interesting discussions yeah you know um good time for uh anybody who uh is uh interested um in following uh brian's shit and more brian stuff go to redband dot com for eddie bravo go to uh 10th planet jj dot com what is that bro he's pointing to the bottom jump on the nibiru forum the forum on my side's pretty key what you point to it's very joe lorgan like you talk about it oh oh no no i'm just saying go to uh his websites on there so i was just pointing to the name edy bravo oh oh i'm sorry oh i don't know what the fuck you're doing um yeah i thought you were finding something and then that's me you're divining rod anyway the um uh The 10th Planet Jiu -Jitsu website is 10th planetjjj .com?

[1938] Yes.

[1939] And if they want to ask questions and show, you've got a forum.

[1940] What's the forum?

[1941] It's called the Nibiru Forum, the 10th Planet Forum.

[1942] Oh, by the way, 10th Planet Jiu -Jitsu, even the name 10th Planet Jiu -Jitsu is all from the Zachariah Sitchin stories.

[1943] Yeah, the funny thing about 10th Planet Jiu -Jitsu was I decided to, when I first decided to open the school, I needed a name for the school.

[1944] I needed a name for the style.

[1945] And I wanted something, I definitely wanted something in the Sitchin style.

[1946] I was thinking Nibiru Jiu -Jitsu.

[1947] I was actually thinking that.

[1948] It's like Nibiru Jiu -Jitsu.

[1949] Will people get that?

[1950] Something Anunaki Jiu -Jitsu or something.

[1951] And Joe goes, right we were entering your security gate.

[1952] You said, why not just Tenth Planet Jiu -Jitsu?

[1953] I'm like, pf, that's stupid.

[1954] No, no, no, something like Nibiru, Anonaki, Sitchin Juj.

[1955] And I thought about it.

[1956] Tenth Planet Jiu -Jitsu, huh?

[1957] Fuck yeah.

[1958] Fuck yeah.

[1959] I was like, yeah, that's it right there.

[1960] Fuck me, Biru Jiu -Jitsu.

[1961] That sounds gay.

[1962] You know, we're good friends, and so I don't necessarily talk about you too much just because, you know, I kind of take it for granted because we're good friends, but I've done the forward to two of your books.

[1963] Hell yeah.

[1964] And we've been friends for shit like 10 years now, like strong.

[1965] And the weirdest thing about this whole jiu -jitsu thing is watching it blossom.

[1966] out of just hanging out when you were a purple belt and just talking about different techniques to now this nutty fucking thing where you've got affiliates all over the world and other countries and shit and you're traveling all over the world doing seminars and teaching people all this shit all the while is this weird combination of like stoner sensibility and open -minded creative jujitsu and you know even the the fucking name is hilarious 10th planet jujitsu there's something I mean, this is like some crazy alien, you know, hybrid system, you know?

[1967] The whole thing is, in the world of martial arts, is very unexpected to have someone who's got this, like, sort of silly, like, goofy outlook on so many different things.

[1968] And it's got a sense of humor about so many different things and smokes weed.

[1969] And there's always playing pranks on people.

[1970] You prank people all the time.

[1971] But people don't know, where's the best place to see some of those?

[1972] because some of them are fucking hilarious.

[1973] He's got jiu -jitsu students who pretend that they're angry Brazilians who come to fight Eddie and they come to challenge him like their karate masters or, you know, they're different things.

[1974] Sometimes he's not a...

[1975] No, no, he was never a Brazilian.

[1976] It was always just some random guy.

[1977] But he was a Brazilian accent.

[1978] Oh, okay.

[1979] Now he is, but...

[1980] But other times he's just a random karate guy.

[1981] Our friend Rassan.

[1982] Rassan Orange, he's been like in days of our lives.

[1983] Yeah, very talented, hilarious actor slash community.

[1984] He was tech, tech on...

[1985] days of our lives years ago and he's so funny and he trains with us at tenth planet and they set it up all the time where he comes in and whenever there's a new person they did it with alan belcher they did it with uh tim lee did it with a bunch of different people whenever someone's there that doesn't know the gag we got tom lawler with it good we got tom loller hook light and sinker how about when you get see some people see some people freak the fuck out now they get to the point where they do it's so ridiculous where eddie chokes these guys out and pretends to kill them and then the students dragged the guy off into the garage into the backyard i turn into a total douchebag i mean the premises the premises rassan comes in we give each other a wink he starts doing karate kata on the side he's disrupting the class and the crazy thing is i'll get the camera man usually they'll be punk too i'll go i went up denny prokopos my one of my black belts i went up to him a few years ago and when uh rassan walked in he never saw the rassan's sketches before so i went up to denny i'm like denny you got your camera on you and he goes yeah yeah what's up bro i go get it out keep the camera on this guy.

[1986] I might have to fuck this dude up.

[1987] He's like, oh, okay, okay, okay.

[1988] So he's videotaping him, and I try to sell it.

[1989] Like, we get into like an argument or like a discussion for a couple minutes, so, you know, we don't want to get too crazy.

[1990] We slowly drag people into it.

[1991] We start arguing, and then we just start fighting, and then I get crazy.

[1992] I try to kill him.

[1993] I'm a total douchebag.

[1994] I actually try to kill the guy.

[1995] How about he twitches and shakes and shit?

[1996] It kicks his legs.

[1997] Yeah.

[1998] And then people drag him off into the back.

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] We just did it at the UFC Expo in front of a lot of people got it on.

[2001] camera and we got Tom Loller and Vinnie Magalash.

[2002] It's fucking hilarious.

[2003] What's so hilarious about it is it's completely unexpected.

[2004] How many people would think that a jiu -jitsu master would also be doing pranks?

[2005] Like on a regular basis, doing fighting pranks.

[2006] Most of those pranks are on my DVD mastering the rubber guard, a bunch of them.

[2007] And the original one, the original prank that I got on video was in 2000, 10 years ago as quatouf, when I put some black makeup on it.

[2008] I'm telling him I was a black guy.

[2009] I was scaring my friend.

[2010] That's on my mastery in the rubber guard DVDs.

[2011] That was the original one.

[2012] That was before punked.

[2013] And that's, I've always had that in me for some reason.

[2014] Yeah, you have a very strange sense of humor.

[2015] It's like my default setting is constantly saying like inappropriate things and the wrong things.

[2016] And I don't know what it is.

[2017] You've been like that since I met you.

[2018] And that's why I try to talk you to doing stand -up.

[2019] And he did it for nine times.

[2020] Yeah.

[2021] Damn.

[2022] Stand -up is way harder than Jiu -Jitsu.

[2023] That's for damn sure.

[2024] No. You have to spend a lot of time perfecting stand -up.

[2025] You can't just go up there and tell jokes.

[2026] You just forgot how hard jiu -jitsu was in the beginning.

[2027] It's no different.

[2028] I think it's just like anything else.

[2029] To get great at anything just requires time and effort and thought and concentration and evolving.

[2030] That's all it is.

[2031] And comedy, you know, you got a bomb.

[2032] You started off terrible.

[2033] If you saw me when I first started off, if I had some video, I got some somewhere, some VHS tape of me on stage, like the 10th time I was ever on stage or something like that.

[2034] Dude, I was fucking terrible.

[2035] No one's good in the beginning.

[2036] It's like everything else.

[2037] I mean, you got good at Jiu -Jitsu.

[2038] You weren't good at Jiu -Jitsu when you first started.

[2039] And think about you now.

[2040] Yeah, yeah.

[2041] You know, I think about, you know, since when I tried stand -up for the first time, I had never, it was before I had a school.

[2042] We were hanging out at the comedy store every weekend.

[2043] I'm seeing all these guys go up and bomb, and I thought, you know, I could do this shit.

[2044] And, you know, I went up and I realized that if I put a lot of time into it, I might be able to be okay, but I had to, I was spreading myself too thin.

[2045] I had to really think about what I was, was I going to be a comedian, a jiu -jitsu player, and a musician, I had to figure it out so I just decided to not pursue comedy anymore just focus on jiu -jitsu and focus on my music and who knows, maybe one day from teaching the last seven years I think I've gotten a lot more comfortable speaking in front of people when before I was teaching that was the hardest part of comedy is getting up and talking to a crowd.

[2046] Well, didn't you crack jokes when you were on stage in the Viper Room?

[2047] Yeah, but you know what?

[2048] When people aren't paying for laughs, it's easier to make them right right right right to it seems like it's specifically just for life I don't have to be funny so it's easy I could well coming from someone who's done it and this is why I told you in the beginning that you could do it it's just a matter of effort and concentration you have a comedian's sense of mind a sense of humor you have a comedian's mind nowadays with YouTube Eddie can make a video that's probably a million times funnier than him having to go on stage for three years just to get like a joke out you know right but it won't be stand -up comedy you know the difference is you know stand -up comedy you can and actually have a bunch of people come to see you in a place and you can make a living off it.

[2049] Yeah, but he can make a living off these videos if he wanted to do the same shit.

[2050] You know what I mean?

[2051] Like today...

[2052] How do you make a living off YouTube videos?

[2053] I have this really weird thing.

[2054] Are you making a living off YouTube videos?

[2055] I could have.

[2056] I wanted to, probably.

[2057] Really?

[2058] How much do you make off...

[2059] To people make off YouTube videos?

[2060] There's people that have whole careers based on YouTube videos.

[2061] Look at tequila.

[2062] Like how much...

[2063] Okay, but how much money can you make off a YouTube video?

[2064] You're saying from advertising?

[2065] Are you saying from people coming to see you...

[2066] I'm saying back in the day it used to be you had to get on stage and become a stand -up comic and really work to get like 30 people in a room where nowadays you could take these same bits and jokes make it into a YouTube video get a billion people and if you keep on doing that then you could have a whole career based off either advertising or you could have like a show on Crackle.

[2067] I mean there's a lot of websites like Crackle that have sitcoms or TV shows, web -based series that are all based off people that did it and they got picked up on TV.

[2068] I understand what you're saying.

[2069] However, what you're saying diminishes the idea of the art of stand -of -comity and that's why it's silly.

[2070] I'm telling him that he could be an artist, a stand -up comedian.

[2071] He can go places and perform and do stand -up comedy.

[2072] What you're saying is he can instead do videos and do all this other shit.

[2073] I think a lot of stand -up people that want to be stand -up comics are now changing how they're getting their audience.

[2074] I think...

[2075] Well, I definitely think people who want to be comedians are getting a lot of audience.

[2076] I mean, that Bob Burnham kid, he got a huge following from his YouTube videos.

[2077] And you could definitely get people attracted to stuff that you put online, then they want to come see you live.

[2078] But what was saying to Eddie was that he could be an artist, a stand -up comedian as an artist.

[2079] He could do it.

[2080] He has a sense of, you're welcome.

[2081] He has that sense of humor, he's got that way of looking at things.

[2082] He's always looking at the most ridiculous side of things.

[2083] Whenever there's a subject that comes up in the news, he's always looking at the most ridiculous aspect of it, like automatically.

[2084] And that's a comedian sensibility.

[2085] He's a funny guy looking for an audience, though.

[2086] Yeah.

[2087] He is.

[2088] Yeah.

[2089] But that's what I'm saying, like stand -up comics seems kind of diluted nowadays, because I think if you're a funny guy looking for an audience back in the day stamp comedy is like one of the only few options you could do because you couldn't get a tv show so now these people are like hey i'm a funny guy i want an audience you know i think a lot of these i think stamp comedy is probably getting more and more diluted as more time goes on wouldn't you think no i disagree because i think the art of stand up comedy to me as a patron as a person who goes to see it is still the most fun thing to see i went to see uh louis ck the other day with ari i fucking loved it i had a great time i sat in the audience the day when Aziz Anasari was working out of shit for the MTV Music Awards.

[2090] I was on that show.

[2091] And I enjoyed it.

[2092] I still enjoy the art of stand -up comedy.

[2093] In a crowd with a bunch of people there, it's funnier.

[2094] It's like the comedy club atmosphere I like.

[2095] I like sitting in a crowd.

[2096] I like drinking.

[2097] I like how everybody's laughing together.

[2098] I think that art form to me is insanely satisfying, way more satisfying than watching a video clip on YouTube.

[2099] It's not the same thing.

[2100] Haven't you said that there's little There's barely any real stand -up comics nowadays, but how there used to be a bunch of real stand -of -comics, and nowadays that number seems to be a lot smaller.

[2101] Well, it's just because there's less places to work.

[2102] I mean, in Boston, where I used to be, man, there was so many different comedy clubs in Boston, and so many open mic nights that there was a real community developed around it, but then as the economy tightened up, and as a lot of these comics that were in that area moved out, and the guys that had been there for a long time really didn't write any new material, the scene died out.

[2103] But if there was more comedy clubs and it was a thriving community, they'd be more comedians.

[2104] The real problem is they don't have enough places to perform.

[2105] There's not enough open mic nights.

[2106] And, you know, comedy comes and goes, man. There's waves.

[2107] But I think right now is a very good wave for, like, established guys.

[2108] Like, if you look at all the guys that are around, like, Louis C .K. And Chappelle, of course, Chris Rock, Dave Attell, Nick DePaul, Jim Norton, Pat and Oswald, of course.

[2109] He's one of my personal favorites.

[2110] And you see all these different guys that are out right now.

[2111] If you're a fan, Bill Burr, of course, if you're a fan of stand -up comedy, there's so much good comedy going on right now.

[2112] Pablo Francisco.

[2113] Pablo Francisco.

[2114] I think this is one of the best times ever for stand -up comedy.

[2115] I think what's happened with the YouTube and the Internet and MySpace and all this shit is that people have had a chance to extend their careers and make their careers like penetrate further in than they, would have ordinarily not having any television shows, not having any movie credits.

[2116] You know, now people are getting, like, big audiences just from stand -up comedy, just from using the YouTube clips.

[2117] Wouldn't you think that most stand -of comics are in it just to become actors?

[2118] No, dude, no. There's nothing more fun than real stand -up comedy.

[2119] I guarantee you, Jim Norton is not in it to just become an actor.

[2120] I guarantee you, Louis C .K. is not in it just to become an actor.

[2121] They're really good guys are not.

[2122] There's so much fun in doing stand -up comedy.

[2123] That's just like a couple people compared to the thousands and thousands of people that are in it for stand -up comedy become...

[2124] Well, we're talking about the best guys.

[2125] But we're talking about...

[2126] I just think that a lot of people look at the idea of doing stand -up comedy as a lot of pressure.

[2127] And that because of that pressure, they look to get off that pressure.

[2128] And that a television show is like a relief.

[2129] Like, oh, I'm free of the pressure.

[2130] Now, if the show bombs, it's not me that bombs.

[2131] It's the show.

[2132] If the bad writing was there when I got there, there's nothing I can do.

[2133] about it.

[2134] If I do a movie, the movie doesn't do well, but the next movie does fine, then I'm okay.

[2135] And so it becomes less responsibility on their back and a little bit easier, and they look at it as a steady income, as opposed to something where stand -up comedy, it's like, you know, no one's really going to be sure that people are going to come see you next week.

[2136] You know, you could only assume that you're going to continue to have an audience, and you have to continue to produce and continue to do, you know, new sets on television, new comedy central specials, continue to write new material after that gets released so that people come see you a year later and they know you got all new shit so there's a lot of pressure and a lot of people don't like that maybe one day we'll do uh we'll do uh we'll do uh me and brian will get up and we'll battle on stage stage battle what do you mean by battle yeah why can't you just go up why about this how about we do a 10th planet show and uh joey'll host oh yeah that seems fair if we're in a battle no not a we don't have to battle no no no no no no what i'm saying is do a 10th Planet show.

[2137] Joey goes up and hosts brings ARIA up, brings one of you guys up for, you know, five or ten minutes, whatever you're comfortable with, brings the other guy up and then I'll go up.

[2138] I'll do a show.

[2139] I could do five minutes.

[2140] Yeah, I think you both could do five minutes.

[2141] Brian fucking killed it in Atlanta when he hadn't done comedy in years and he got talked to doing it during a nighttime show filled with UFC fans all fucking hammered on a Friday night.

[2142] Sold out.

[2143] Sold out.

[2144] You were good.

[2145] Dude, he killed.

[2146] Not only did he do good, he went into the abyss and pulled himself out of the flames.

[2147] He did good in the beginning, and then he did a couple of jokes in a row that tanked, and you were starting to fucking freak out, and you kept it together.

[2148] Yeah, but, you know, I started doing it a lot, and I did a whole bunch.

[2149] You know, I started doing it almost every week, a few times a week, but I got to a point where I just didn't have it in me. You really have to give up your life to be a stand -up comedy.

[2150] Well, you know what, here's a thing, man. You don't have to have it in you, but just because you don't have it in you, It doesn't mean that the art form isn't something that people should pursue if they want to be a comedian.

[2151] What you're saying, though, is that, I mean, as a comedian, I mean, I know you're not trying to offend me, but as a comedian, it's kind of offensive because you're saying that, like, somehow or another, that someone, if they wanted to, should just go and do YouTube clips now and not become a stand -up comedian because it's too difficult.

[2152] No, I'm saying that if you are a stand -up comic, nowadays, that it seems like YouTube would make a lot more sense.

[2153] It's like Baba Booie and Howard Stern.

[2154] You know what I mean?

[2155] You know what I mean?

[2156] I just don't understand your point.

[2157] To be an artist, as a stand -up comedian, to be a real comic, you have to do it in front of an audience.

[2158] It's the only art form where you must have an audience to practice.

[2159] If you do not have an audience to practice, it's not going to be good.

[2160] Because you don't have immediate response of people laughing at you, whether you know whether or not it's funny.

[2161] If you put a clip up, you don't, though.

[2162] You're not hearing these people laugh.

[2163] I don't hear shit.

[2164] You just have people staring at texting things.

[2165] Right.

[2166] You know, you don't get the same kind of direct, immediate, tangible response that you get when you're going on stage.

[2167] Well, you know what various aspects of a joke are funny, how the transitions work.

[2168] You hear yourself in the recordings, and you know this part sounded false, or this part had too many words.

[2169] And it's an art form just piecing it all together and performing it in front of a live crowd.

[2170] But when you nail it, dude, when you're on stage and you fucking nail a joke where the audience is dying.

[2171] And you're like, they're dying now.

[2172] And I got like five more levels to this joke.

[2173] This joke, like, I'm hitting them now.

[2174] And I'm like, I got some shit coming up after this.

[2175] I can't wait to get to because I know if you think this is funny, this next part is my favorite part.

[2176] and then boom boom boom and it piles on there's nothing like that that you're ever going to get off youtube you're not going to get that feeling you're not going to get that sort of a response from the people and as an audience member you're not going to get something that's that much fun there's nothing to me more fun still after doing comedy for 20 years there's nothing more fun than watching comedy it's the best man it's so much fucking fun it's to me the most fun art form and that's why i'm a comedian what i was trying to say is that Eddie could have done that too.

[2177] The only difference between me and him is that he had other things he was focusing on and he went and pursued those.

[2178] But if he didn't, if he wasn't thinking about pursuing a career in jiu -jitsu and wasn't thinking about pursuing career in music and had the kind of time that I had when I started out doing comedy, for sure, you would be just as successful as me. For sure, you'd be able to do everything that I'm doing.

[2179] Come on.

[2180] It's true.

[2181] It's true.

[2182] You'd be able to do everything that I did.

[2183] Everything.

[2184] It's not hard.

[2185] It's just a matter of focus.

[2186] And if you're an honest person and you evolve and you're objective and you look at your shit and you keep working at it.

[2187] That's how it is.

[2188] Maybe one day I'll go off.

[2189] You have the sense, if you don't have the sense of humor, okay, if you don't have the mind for comedy, the type of person who looks and things goes, everybody else is agreeing and you go, wait a minute, what the fuck is that?

[2190] Like, that's how I was my whole life, and that's how you are.

[2191] And Brian, you are to a certain extent, too.

[2192] I mean, you have a different sense of humor than I do, and Brian and Eddie has a different sense of humor than you, and we're all different.

[2193] But we all have the same thing where, Brian, like, your sense, like, when it comes to technology, you're always doing this.

[2194] someone will bring up a point and you'll you'll always be like what no everybody just thinks that because this you'll go against the grain right away and pick out the floss that's the idea that's the mind of a stand -up comic the person who stands up as the person who's functioned society is to stand up and look at things besides being funny stand up and look at things and goes what the fuck is this that's what the comic does the comic looks at something and goes what the fuck is this when everybody else just takes it for granted there's a lot of comics out there that just never become comics that's what i'm trying to say there's guys that work in gas stations that could be one of the funniest guys that have ever walked the face of the earth just no one ever talked them into getting on stage they never directed their life in that order they never had the discipline to follow through you know there's so many people like that that I met out there my friend Johnny B, my friend who was a pool player that died that guy could have been one of the funniest fucking comedians that ever lived that dude could read human nature knew when people were full of shit knew what people's insecurities and weaknesses were and always knew the funniest shit to say at any given moment There's a lot of people like that out there And that's what a stand -up comic is You both are You both could do it Thank you very much man Thank you This fucking show's over bitches It's 519 Oh yes Thank you for sponsoring us Flashlight Please don't be a pussy If you are a pussy And you know And you want to live your life Just pretending you don't masturbate Or pretending that it's something shameful About getting pleasure on your dick Then don't order the flashlight But everybody else Go order one of those things And fuck the shit out of it It's awesome Um, redband .com for my friend Brian Reichel, 10th planet jj .com.

[2195] If you're in Hollywood and you want to get some jujitsu instruction plus some weed shamanism, there's no better place to go than Legends in Hollywood.

[2196] What's the number there?

[2197] 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu, Hollywood located inside Legends MMA, 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard.

[2198] And to find you online, you can go to Twitter.

[2199] It's Eddie Bravo.

[2200] It's up there on the screen.

[2201] screen if you're a U -S -T -T -I -E -B -R -A -V -O.

[2202] Thank you very much, everybody.

[2203] We love you, bitches.

[2204] We love doing this.

[2205] This is a fun fucking show.

[2206] I'm excited that we've continued to do this every day, or every week, rather, all year.

[2207] And we're going to keep going, and as long as we have cool friends, it's going to keep being fun.

[2208] Eddie Bravo, Brian Red Band.

[2209] And what about next week?

[2210] Joey Dioz.

[2211] Next week, Joey Coco Diaz.

[2212] Hopefully, nothing crazy comes up.

[2213] The Colombian knocked on my door.

[2214] I had to go on an adventure.

[2215] It's the cat virus Joe It's that fucking cat virus cuck sucker I can't concentrate My feet stink Ladies and gentlemen That's the end of this week And we will see you next week Thank you I love you bitches