The Stranger

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

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[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hello.

[5] Hey, Jenna, meet Conan.

[6] Hey, Jenna.

[7] How you doing?

[8] I am great.

[9] Tell us, where are you coming to us from?

[10] So I am in a suburb north of Dallas.

[11] Okay.

[12] I know Dallas a little bit.

[13] I did a week of shows there.

[14] You were there with me for those.

[15] I was.

[16] We did a week of shows.

[17] It was a lot of fun.

[18] You did it Mary Kay Remote.

[19] And, yeah, we had a good time.

[20] Did a sheriff thing?

[21] I used to live next to the Mary Kay building.

[22] Yes.

[23] That's, I studied, I trained, you can see this on YouTube.

[24] I trained to be a Mary Kay sales representative.

[25] And I think I killed it.

[26] I did a great job.

[27] And I use their products every day to look at the prettiest.

[28] Oh, I can tell for sure.

[29] I'll have to let my mother -in -law know who still is a consultant just so she can get the discount.

[30] Show her the remote.

[31] I'll show her so she can see if you're doing.

[32] and the way you're supposed to do it.

[33] Show with the remote we did.

[34] It ends with me staring in the window with lots of makeup on creeping on some women.

[35] It's quite a chilling ending to any remote.

[36] But enough about me. Let's talk about you, Jenna.

[37] All right.

[38] You live in Dallas.

[39] What do you do?

[40] I am a middle school principal.

[41] Oh my God.

[42] You terrify me. I was always scared.

[43] That's what I like to do.

[44] Really?

[45] Wow, the principal.

[46] That is, are kids scared of you?

[47] at first they are um but then i get a lot of saying oh you're so nice and i'm like you don't really know me that well but um i used to be a coach so all the kids now that used to have me as a coach have cycled out so they're not as scared of me anymore oh so you used to be a coach at the school this is an elementary school no it's a middle school oh middle school yeah so i've been in the same district since i started in education but i'm not at the same school from when i was a coach Okay.

[48] All right.

[49] What kind of coach were you?

[50] I did volleyball, track, cross -country, and basketball.

[51] And when we were short -handed, I would step in for soccer.

[52] Jeez.

[53] Incredible.

[54] I'm like everything.

[55] Yeah.

[56] It sounds like there's nothing you can't coach.

[57] You were also the boxing coach.

[58] Yes.

[59] Yes.

[60] That's always interesting at the middle school level boxing.

[61] Yeah.

[62] Fencing.

[63] Ultimate fighting.

[64] U .S .C. Yeah.

[65] Page match in the gym.

[66] you know octagons are not that hard to construct so just think about that i mean that's on my wish list for my pta right now is like let's get the octagon up yeah guess what it gets it gets rid of a lot of aggression and you can start uh once you get a you know make a deal with a cable company you make a lot of money and that all goes to the school yeah you'll never have a you'll never have a baking sale again um so jena a baking sale it's just a bake sale I call it a baking sale, a sale of goods that were formed through baking.

[67] Hence the term baking sale.

[68] It makes sense to me. Jenna, you get me and these guys don't.

[69] And that's why I like you.

[70] Good.

[71] I was going to tell you, so at the beginning of this school year, I had a very Conan moment.

[72] And I laughed at myself on stage.

[73] I was doing.

[74] the like little champ for our incoming sixth graders.

[75] And I was demonstrating this relationship building practice that we use in classes.

[76] And it's just like, you know, pose a question and talk to somebody about it.

[77] So the question was, I said, you cannot talk to who you came with.

[78] You have to turn around and talk to somebody else.

[79] So what was the last TV show that you binge?

[80] So they're like, what?

[81] And I said, yeah, let go.

[82] A minute.

[83] I'll call you back, but it's ready.

[84] And so you always end to the question.

[85] as a classroom management strategy by saying all right well this is what i did so um the last tv show i had watched at the time was what we do in the shadows and very funny one one person in the back went woo and i said thank you sir and i was like that was i got a back so you yeah so you're a conan moment you're now defining a conan moment as one one person laughing one person out of 300 acknowledging you.

[86] Okay, that's wonderful for my self -esteem, Jenna.

[87] But no, no, no, I'm laughing.

[88] Now, I see a picture of you and a gentleman behind you.

[89] Is that, yeah, is that, wow, a good pointing on the monitor.

[90] I was Zoom teaching for a while.

[91] That was really eerily good.

[92] You just went right to it.

[93] Is that gentleman, is he a gentleman?

[94] Gentleman caller, or is this someone you have a relationship with?

[95] Well, he's my husband.

[96] Okay.

[97] I don't know.

[98] Yeah.

[99] I think a husband can still be a gentleman collar.

[100] Wait, you know what?

[101] Whenever I go home at night, I've trained my son to go up to my wife and say, you have a gentleman collar.

[102] And then I come in.

[103] Your poor son.

[104] Yeah.

[105] My son hates me. That's awful.

[106] Yeah.

[107] I make him wear a dress as a butler, and he goes up to my wife and says, you have a gentleman collar, and she goes, ah, Conan.

[108] And then my son says, I hate, I hate all of you.

[109] Well, Jenna, I think you'd be a great principal.

[110] You seem so nice.

[111] You're very funny.

[112] I remember, I don't know if they still do this, but when I went to elementary school, they would say, there was an intercom.

[113] And the intercom, they'd come on and they'd say, Conan O 'Brien, report to the principal's office.

[114] And everyone in the class would go, Is that still happen?

[115] The intercom does it, but the who happens all day, every day.

[116] Because how do you contact, if they don't use an intercom anymore, and I'm dating myself here, because no one else will date me. Oh, God.

[117] But in the 70s, they used son -no, please.

[118] This is good stuff.

[119] Everyone's rolling their eyes.

[120] My eyes hurt from rolling.

[121] Okay, take it easy.

[122] So hard.

[123] Please put a G in there.

[124] Anyway, Jenna, if they don't use the intercom, which is what they used in the mid -1970s, what do they use?

[125] So we do actually still have the intercom.

[126] We just don't use it to, like, call individual kids out of class.

[127] Oh, but that was so fun.

[128] It was such a great moment of shame and terror.

[129] It is.

[130] It is, but then, like, for the teacher's sake, good luck getting your class back on task, you know.

[131] So every teacher has a phone in their classroom, so now it's just a phone call.

[132] But then you still get that aspect of Conan go to the office.

[133] Ms. Martin needs you and then, oh my God.

[134] I got sent to the principal's office many times.

[135] Did you?

[136] I don't think you did.

[137] Well, we were having an affair.

[138] Oh.

[139] Yeah, that makes sense.

[140] She was 77.

[141] I was 14.

[142] And for some reason, society judged us.

[143] I don't get it.

[144] I mean, I'm sorry about that.

[145] Anywho.

[146] Oh, God.

[147] Listen.

[148] What is wrong with you?

[149] Jenna, what is wrong with me?

[150] If you could help me. Hey, what's wrong with you has made you very successful.

[151] Hey.

[152] Wow.

[153] Oh, that's what they said to Jack the Ripper.

[154] Oh, no. What's wrong with you has made you quite good at what you do.

[155] Thank you, governor.

[156] I'm off with me stabby, stabby.

[157] Jenna, I don't know what's wrong with me today.

[158] I've clearly gone, but I like you.

[159] I wish you had been my principal.

[160] I mean, I liked my principle, but you seem like you'd be fantastic.

[161] And you have a good relationship with the kids.

[162] How do you connect with the youth of today?

[163] Because I don't understand these youngsters with their iPods and their, you know.

[164] Their iPods.

[165] iPod.

[166] I pod and then you just stopped right after that.

[167] Nothing else after that.

[168] They still have Zoom.

[169] They still have their iPods and their dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

[170] What, how do you connect with them?

[171] In all honesty, like just being smiley and having a positive and saying, hi, hi, giving them fist bumps and high fives and they'll hold back.

[172] It's amazing how far that goes.

[173] I'm going to write this down.

[174] Being nice to people.

[175] Be nice to people.

[176] Sona has mentioned this to me many times that I haven't tried it.

[177] Be nice.

[178] Okay.

[179] Yeah, if I tried to fist.

[180] Sona, if you saw me in the hall and I tried to fist bump you, would you fist bump me back?

[181] No, we're in too deep.

[182] There'd be, there's too many years of just bad behavior before that.

[183] So, no, I'd be like, why are you trying to hit me?

[184] You're walking.

[185] To be fair, I thought a fist bump was when you made a fist and you bumped someone really hard in the shoulder with it.

[186] No, no. And then I found out that that's called physical abuse.

[187] Yes, it's exactly.

[188] That's a slug.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Okay, so you sound like you're very up with them.

[191] you're your yeah super super hip um if all else felt just act like a complete idiot um that's what i'm really that's what i'm really good at me too so yeah it's they're so awkward at the middle school level and that's why i love it but like when i go for a high five and then i sometimes like to close my fist at the last second for a fist bump and then make a turkey with them and it's funny to like see them try to figure it out so that always gets a big laugh well you they probably just think something's wrong with you.

[192] Yeah, like she's old and arthritis and the joints are acting up.

[193] That's a possibility.

[194] I just, I like to dress up a lot and just make a full of myself, basically.

[195] If you can make a middle school or laugh, like, it's done.

[196] You got them.

[197] Yeah.

[198] That's, I love making, I always think the greatest challenge and the greatest joy is making a kid laugh authentically, you know, that always makes me happy.

[199] because I think they're the hardest in a way, you know?

[200] A kid that doesn't know what I do for a living or if I can really get a kid going.

[201] I've got beef right now with one of Sonas kids because he didn't laugh.

[202] I heard.

[203] Yeah.

[204] Mikey, I really had Mikey going.

[205] Charlie still stones me and I won't speak to him.

[206] And I'm his godfather.

[207] Yeah.

[208] So, yeah.

[209] He only asks me about Mikey.

[210] Yeah, I say, well, tell Mikey that I love him and have a good.

[211] And she's like, well, what about Charlie?

[212] And the phone just goes dead.

[213] Yeah, that's exactly what happens every single time.

[214] Well, he's one.

[215] He should know how to laugh.

[216] My strategy would be the nice thing.

[217] Just, you know, be nice.

[218] And maybe one day he'll think you're funny.

[219] Nope, he needs to pay for what he did.

[220] I'm an international star.

[221] I don't need to take this crap.

[222] That's a strategy.

[223] Hey, what's it like?

[224] Whenever I used to see a teacher or especially a principal outside school, it was weird.

[225] It was very strange because I didn't think.

[226] think they could exist outside of the reality of school.

[227] And so have you had that experience where a parent or kids have seen you out in the world and it's weird?

[228] Yes.

[229] I don't live in the town that I work in for that very reason.

[230] I feel like it's a healthy buffer or I can still live my life.

[231] You live over seven hours away.

[232] Yes.

[233] I commute.

[234] That's why I listen to your podcast a whole bunch.

[235] You live in Florida.

[236] You live in Florida and you own a seaplane and you go to Dallas.

[237] That's incredible.

[238] So you live far away.

[239] Does it ever happen, though, that you still see somebody?

[240] Yeah.

[241] So every once in a while, I will still see people.

[242] I mean, like, I live close to Dallas.

[243] And so when we go to dinner, go do fun things, go out.

[244] Like, I go towards the Dallas just so I can avoid that.

[245] But, you know, I still will always see a kid.

[246] I learned my lesson, my very first year that I was a teacher and coach.

[247] And the town that I taught in, it's huge.

[248] And they have this beautiful mall.

[249] It's beautiful.

[250] And I was new to the area.

[251] And I was like, well, let's go.

[252] And I needed underwear.

[253] And I went to a place to buy underwear that everybody knows by the look of their bag.

[254] You know, where you've been.

[255] Which store is this?

[256] Because I know them all.

[257] Oh, God.

[258] Oh, okay.

[259] Victoria's Secret.

[260] Okay.

[261] You know them all.

[262] I know we're all.

[263] I know.

[264] I've been to every Victoria's Secrets outlet.

[265] That's one of my claims to fame.

[266] I just hang around and then I get asked to leave.

[267] Now they have my picture up.

[268] But anyway, so what happened?

[269] You went to a Victoria's Secret.

[270] Yeah, and like they have a good sale.

[271] It's like five for 35, so I go there and I walk out.

[272] Can I ask you so quickly, Jenna?

[273] Did you buy some?

[274] Unmentionables.

[275] Stop, stop, stop, stop.

[276] Stop.

[277] I love it when people refer to them as unmentionable.

[278] Oh, I thought you were in, okay.

[279] Unmentionables.

[280] Sorry, I had, was that cocaine I had just before we did this?

[281] I was.

[282] I didn't know what that was.

[283] You were snorting and you were like, this is delicious cocaine.

[284] I thought it was an analgesic.

[285] I shouldn't have said, this was delicious cocaine because that ruined it.

[286] Who says this is delicious cocaine?

[287] No one says that.

[288] That's so stupid.

[289] I'm sorry.

[290] So Jenna, back to your story.

[291] You go to Victoria's Secrets.

[292] You purchase a few, what's just called.

[293] them unmentionables and you're walking out yeah yeah and i walk out and i hear uh coach posey coach posy and i was like that was my maiden name and i was like oh my god and i turn around and it's a boy a little sixth grader that i had in class and his dad and they're like hey how are you doing but you can just see like the dad's gaze like honed in on the pink bag yeah and then you see the kids, I wander down there after it got past the shock of seeing, you know, your teacher in public.

[294] So I no longer shop in the town I teach in.

[295] You were driven out of, you were pretty much driven out of town, you know, basically.

[296] Because of that embarrassing moment.

[297] What I do is I carry everything in a Victoria's Secrets bag so people get used to it.

[298] So that's a good strategy.

[299] Yeah, I just, instead of a briefcase, I have a Victoria's Secrets bag.

[300] And then when I do go to Victoria's Secrets, I'm not embarrassed because people say, anytime people stop me, I reach into my Victoria's Secrets bag.

[301] It's got like, you know, Coors Light in there.

[302] Or sometimes I just keep...

[303] Miller Light, you mean.

[304] Miller Light because they...

[305] Yes.

[306] You're right.

[307] It's got Miller Light in there because they are advertisers.

[308] Or it's got my books, a book I'm reading, or it's got some papers, or sometimes I'll just scoop, you know, turkey chili in there.

[309] And I carry that around.

[310] But then occasionally, when I buy my wife some unmentionables at Victoria's Secret, no one knows.

[311] Yeah.

[312] And sometimes I forget to take the chili out first and they're just covered in turkey chili.

[313] Oh, God.

[314] Yeah, but that's one of my kinks.

[315] Oh, no. Jenna, did I ruin your day by talking to you?

[316] No. I hear crazier things every day.

[317] That's not possible.

[318] That is not awesome.

[319] She works with middle schoolers, by the way.

[320] I think I've got them beat.

[321] I think I'm the least mature person you've spoken to in years.

[322] And you're a middle school principal.

[323] I mean, turkey, chili in a Victoria Secret bag was not on my bingo card for today.

[324] No, it was not.

[325] I bet you you're very good at what you do.

[326] I think you'd be a really good principal, you know.

[327] Oh, thank you.

[328] Don't you think so?

[329] I think she'd be great.

[330] I actually remember my principals and I loved all of them.

[331] They were all really nice.

[332] And a good principle makes a huge difference, I think.

[333] A good boss would make a big difference.

[334] Yeah, well, you can't get everything you want in life.

[335] You take what you get.

[336] And I'm glad to you.

[337] And by the way, I'm sure COVID was very difficult.

[338] I'm sure that was just a very difficult time.

[339] So I hope you're on the other side of that now.

[340] And things are kind of back to normal.

[341] It's back to normal.

[342] I will say that just I realized last year when all of our kids, kids were actually back in the building physically.

[343] Like, you know, a second semester, seventh grader, when they're, they don't know how to do something that is very routine.

[344] I'm like, what are you talking about?

[345] How do you not know where that place is or whatever?

[346] And then you realize they haven't ever been in middle school.

[347] They haven't seen school since they were a semester fifth graders, basically.

[348] And so that was a huge reality check.

[349] Just, you know, they're not allowed to have their cell phones out.

[350] and they can keep them in their bags for, you know, safety reasons or emergency, but they can't have them out.

[351] And so having them, like, sit together and socialize at lunch, like, that's a crazy thing to see them go through and, like, learn again how to, you know, you're around people again and you can talk and have all this fun, but also temper it because you're at school and you can't be running around and screaming.

[352] You know, it's, it's been interesting to see after COVID.

[353] But I will say that it is getting a lot better.

[354] they're there it's it's a lot like how it was before good I'm glad that uh you guys are bouncing back did you have a question for me is there anything I can do for you I did so um with in regards to my job I um I have a lot of first year teachers on my campus this year and I'm always looking for strategies and ways to help them with their classroom management so um I want you to envision a classroom full like 36 graders some of them are very some of them are very goarlyish and then you have a couple of like dana carvies who go off on you know tangent yeah so if you were a teacher what would be your classroom management strategy to get them all those personalities to learn from you and be engaged in your um english lesson am i allowed to medicate them without their knowing oh that's frowned upon oh so okay that's a problem Because I would say basically, yeah, immediately medicate the Dana Carvys.

[355] Oh, okay.

[356] And if I couldn't put it in their grape juice, I would get a little dart gun, you know, you can get them right in the neck.

[357] And they get real under control real fast.

[358] But I'm told that's frowned upon in some parts of the country.

[359] All parts.

[360] Well, really all?

[361] The whole country you can't drug a kid.

[362] Didn't know that.

[363] Yeah.

[364] That's okay.

[365] No blowdarts even in Texas, can't do it.

[366] Really?

[367] Not even in, I love what you said, not even in Texas.

[368] You can have my blow dart when you take it out of my cool dead hand.

[369] I would try and get the kids.

[370] I would speak very quietly because I have found that when you speak quietly, everyone leans forward.

[371] And I would drop little hints every now and then that I had a dark past and was capable of terrible, terrible things.

[372] And I think kids would be hanging on my every word.

[373] You know, what did this guy do?

[374] Where does he come from?

[375] I would give them as little information about myself as possible.

[376] And you're also encouraging critical thinking.

[377] Yes, yes.

[378] Yeah, that's great.

[379] I wear a long, dark duster and a hat when I came in.

[380] And I'd say, class, today, we're going to learn some very important lessons.

[381] And then I'd pause and say, I wish someone had taught me those lessons.

[382] But if maybe I'd have had a different life.

[383] And then I'd look out the window wistfully.

[384] And these kids would think, what is this guy all about?

[385] We're going to listen to every single word he says.

[386] That's actually cool.

[387] If I had a teacher like that, I'd be like, what is his deal?

[388] Yeah, we're going to talk about algebra.

[389] You're going to make your voice this way.

[390] Yeah, I wish I had known about algebra.

[391] Then I wouldn't have had to kill that guy.

[392] What?

[393] Did you say kill that guy?

[394] Forget about it.

[395] That's not what we're here to talk about.

[396] Get out your textbooks.

[397] You know, I would just get very mysterious.

[398] Yeah.

[399] That's a good one.

[400] Would you be one of those teachers who you, like, is it cool if they call you Conan?

[401] No. Oh, okay.

[402] They have to call me the stranger.

[403] Excuse me, the stranger?

[404] Yes.

[405] Could I use the bathroom?

[406] Of course you can, Stephen.

[407] That's going to go really well at your first parent -teacher conference.

[408] I wish I had had a bathroom when I was a child.

[409] I've been holding it in for 35 years.

[410] Wait, so then I know.

[411] She brought up a good point.

[412] At the parent -teacher conference, are you normal or are you this?

[413] I come in through the window.

[414] Hello.

[415] Excuse me. What is your full name?

[416] I'm the stranger.

[417] No, excuse me. That's all you need to know.

[418] And then you get me fired because I am the one.

[419] That wouldn't get you fired.

[420] I don't know.

[421] I would say nobody goes after Jenna or you incur the wrath of the stranger.

[422] The only thing that would blow it is then they would see me get into my little Hyundai to drive away.

[423] Yeah, I know.

[424] And on the back it would have a little sticker that said, I heart poodles.

[425] And that'd be.

[426] And then some kids would see me. coming out of the, some kids would see me coming out of a victorious secrets.

[427] Hey, the stranger.

[428] What's that?

[429] Oh, oh, I mean, what's that?

[430] What you got in that bag there?

[431] Oh, um, some chili.

[432] And three thongs.

[433] Okay, stranger, see you later.

[434] Is there a window here I can crawl out of?

[435] No, it's a mall.

[436] What's your problem?

[437] Jenna, this is all your fault.

[438] This is stupid.

[439] This is one of the stupidest ones we've had.

[440] I couldn't be happier.

[441] I really couldn't be happier.

[442] You made my day.

[443] It was so nice talking to you.

[444] Seriously, I envy your teachers and your students.

[445] I think they lucked out the day you came to town.

[446] Oh, well, thank you.

[447] And I mean, I can't even tell you how amazing this is for me. And growing up in, I grew up in a very, very small town in West Texas where, you know, you were the weird kid if you were watching, you know, if you weren't watching football or out on the farm.

[448] And so, and I've been a fan of yours for so long.

[449] Oh, that's really sweet.

[450] It's a dream come true.

[451] Well, yes, what?

[452] I've always tried to be there for kids that are no good on the farm and have no athletic ability.

[453] and just like some weirdness.

[454] So it's, it's, I'm really happy.

[455] I'm really happy that you, you tuned into my kooky wavelength.

[456] That means a lot to me. Seriously.

[457] Thank you.

[458] My husband plays college, we men college.

[459] He was, he was a baseball player and like, he's a fan too.

[460] And one of our favorite things is to watch your old -timey baseball.

[461] Oh my God.

[462] Yeah, it's our favorite.

[463] I, you know what?

[464] I'm so happy.

[465] That's a gift that keeps on giving.

[466] I love that that's still bouncing around out there because I did say years ago, when I left the old late night show back in like 2009, I said, you know, please just play this at my funeral because it really is everything I'm all about.

[467] This is, so.

[468] They're probably responsible for about a thousand of those views.

[469] Oh, cool.

[470] Well, very nice.

[471] So, hey, listen, Jenna, my best to, what's your husband's name?

[472] Kyle.

[473] Kyle.

[474] All right, my best to Kyle.

[475] And someday I'll come and visit you as the stranger.

[476] Maybe they won't let you in the building.

[477] Let's get you in this stranger.

[478] And then you can play the stranger.

[479] I love me standing outside the school.

[480] Oh, come on.

[481] I'm a stranger.

[482] Oh, come on.

[483] Hey, Jenna, really lovely talking to you.

[484] You take care.

[485] Thank you so much.

[486] You were great.

[487] Bye.

[488] Thank you.

[489] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[490] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.

[491] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[492] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Cocoa.

[493] and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[494] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[495] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[496] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[497] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[498] Engineered by Will Beckton.

[499] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[500] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

[501] Thank you.