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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Meryl Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Go -bye.
[16] Hello.
[17] Hi.
[18] And welcome to the My Favorite Murder Minisode, where we tell you your stuff.
[19] emails emails that's about it oh goodbye um before we get started two things real quick uh today monday november 5th is the day that the presale tickets for our fucking winter 2019 tour which we just announced go on sale for the fan cult only so if you're a part of the fan cult go get your tickets if you're not remember there's only a certain amount of tickets even if you're in the fan cult Tickets, pre -sale, fancult, my hair, order .com.
[20] Go for it.
[21] And also, the other announcement is that please go vote tomorrow.
[22] It's very important, even if you think it's not.
[23] Please don't think it's not because it absolutely is in every way, shape, and form.
[24] That's right.
[25] It's a necessity of life.
[26] And if you're listening to this podcast, chances are that we need you, you people on our side.
[27] Yes.
[28] And don't get, don't get, um, don't get, uh, convinced by all the early voting video that you keep seeing on social media and on the news making it think like, oh, everyone's going to take care of it for me. Yeah.
[29] And I can just kind of sail through this.
[30] It's a show up time.
[31] It's put up and shut up time for this country.
[32] It is.
[33] And I mean, even if you live in, let's say, like a totally blue state, it's still really important to exercise your civic fucking duty and your your responsibility as a goddamn American citizen.
[34] Well, and also it seems like we really need to make sure that.
[35] that things happen so that, like, say, for example, they don't make being transgender illegal.
[36] Right.
[37] Like, it's things like that.
[38] You have to think about other people, and you have to think about, instead of making an excuse of why not to do something, realize why you need to do it.
[39] Like, if you live in a red state and you're blue, think of, like, you can just get those percentages up a little, get those fucking, that, a little closer to have your voice be heard.
[40] Exactly.
[41] It's really important.
[42] Please do it.
[43] Do you want me to start?
[44] Sure.
[45] I'm holding my paper up.
[46] so I get to start.
[47] All right.
[48] So this is, we're reading you some home towns from Atlanta and Austin, which is where we will be visiting this weekend.
[49] That's right.
[50] For the last weekend of our fall tour, which is mind -boggling.
[51] So crazy.
[52] It's been such a fun tour.
[53] Thank you to all the cities.
[54] In the beginning, I was really good about after we would do shows, doing a fun retweet and a thank you.
[55] you by the end, I'm like, I can't remember what city we were in.
[56] So tired.
[57] So the last couple rounds, the NorCal rounds of Portland, Seattle, Vancouver.
[58] Vancouver and San Francisco, Oakland, and Sacramento.
[59] That's right.
[60] I don't think anybody, except for the Sacramento, Paul Hull's specialty, I don't think anybody got a special tweet, we love you.
[61] But we really do.
[62] We've had, we've been having the best time.
[63] That's right.
[64] Thank you.
[65] And L .A., of course.
[66] Oh, and of course, L .A. All right.
[67] The subject line of this email is, we've been to a live show in a while.
[68] No, a real show, you mean.
[69] Yeah, like a, like a, you and me and Steve in the, in the podloft show.
[70] No, it's been a while.
[71] It's quiet.
[72] Yeah.
[73] And it's small.
[74] I don't have any makeup on.
[75] Thank God.
[76] I don't have any scrubs on.
[77] Okay, so the subject line is aunt's story.
[78] Hi, y 'all, spelled aunt like your uncle's wife.
[79] Got it.
[80] This one takes place in Tyler, Texas, a sweet, innocent little town in East Texas, where my mom grew up for part of her life.
[81] When my mom was a few years old in the late 50s, her older sister, my aunt, who was around 12 at the time, was left to babysit my mom and her other young siblings while their parents went out on a date.
[82] the 50s, am I right?
[83] They didn't have central air, so it was common practice in that time to leave the windows open around the house to create a nice cross breeze while leaving the screens in to keep the bugs out.
[84] Like a normal, ideal world.
[85] How windows work.
[86] While the kids are playing, my aunt hears the phone ring and answers, and an older man very politely asks, Hi, sweetie, is your dad home?
[87] And my aunt responds, no, he's out with my mom right now.
[88] Oh, no, no. He hangs up.
[89] It's all he needed to hear.
[90] That's right.
[91] Not long after this phone call, my aunt is sitting in the living room waiting for my grandparents to come home when she hears something coming from the window nearby.
[92] Not unusual as there were lots of animals around.
[93] She glances up to see what little critters making the commotion, and instead she sees a large man standing outside the window.
[94] He's holding a knife.
[95] Oh my god.
[96] My aunt froze.
[97] He lifts the knife gingerly to the screen and pierces through it, preparing to make a long slit to climb through.
[98] Holy shit.
[99] He's grinning.
[100] My aunt screams.
[101] Suddenly, he's fully illuminated from behind by a blinding light.
[102] My grandparents were pulling up the driveway.
[103] Oh, my God.
[104] The man quickly conceals the knife and whirls around.
[105] My grandfather steps out and immediately confronts the man who claims to be lost.
[106] A policeman controlling the area approaches to see what the situation is.
[107] Oh, this guy's having a real bad day.
[108] The man says, oh, I'm sorry.
[109] I thought this was Dr. McDonald's house.
[110] The officer believed him.
[111] No. And chuckling up what he thinks is a quirky mistake quickly points him to the correct house down the street.
[112] No, no. The man cheerily.
[113] thanks the officer and walks away toward the other family's home.
[114] No questioning, no search.
[115] They just let him walk away.
[116] Great.
[117] It wasn't until my grandparents spoke to my aunt and saw the cut screen that they understood what actually happened.
[118] They never caught the guy.
[119] Anyway, stay sexy and close your fucking windows.
[120] Can't wait to see all in Austin soon.
[121] Best Meredith.
[122] Yep.
[123] The smiling part.
[124] Smiling.
[125] Smiling at the little 12 -year -old girl inside the house.
[126] That I just called and asked if your family was home.
[127] Oh, Jesus.
[128] That's why no one answers the phone anymore.
[129] That's right.
[130] No one can be trusted.
[131] Nobody.
[132] Okay.
[133] This one's called people tell their pastors everything.
[134] Ooh.
[135] Hey, team.
[136] Long time listener, first time caller.
[137] I'm a pastor in Atlanta, and recently I went to lunch with a member of my congregation.
[138] He's a sweetest older man who is super smart and always tells the best stories.
[139] So we're driving back to the church and we start talking about the criminal justice system.
[140] Jay is a lawyer by trade, which makes conversations like this.
[141] is super interesting.
[142] Somehow we got on the topic of a big criminal cases in the city.
[143] Obviously, being a murderer and a true crime junkie, I can't help myself.
[144] So I asked Jay, what he remembers about the Atlanta child murders.
[145] Oh, shit.
[146] He talks about how terrified the city was and how now people aren't so sure about Wayne Williams' involvement.
[147] He's going on and on about fiber evidence and the kind of, and I kind of start to zone out when suddenly he says, you know, my daughter was kidnapped during the height of this.
[148] It was so casual.
[149] Like, he was commenting on the weather.
[150] and I'm thinking, dear God, what have I just stumbled into?
[151] He proceeds to tell me that in 1980, his seven -year -old daughter was walking home from school one afternoon when a man drove up alongside her, pulled her into his car, and drove her out of the neighborhood.
[152] Apparently, this little girl was a badass, though, and she wasn't having any of this shit.
[153] She starts asking him who he is and where they're going over and over again, and when the man doesn't answer, she starts screaming and kicking at the passenger window.
[154] Yes.
[155] Fully losing her shit and fighting back.
[156] The kidnapper gets so frustrated.
[157] with her that he pulls over and shoves her out of the car into Piedmont Park.
[158] Seven -year -old badass marches up to the first adult she finds in the park and gives them her name in the name of her parents and then informs them that she was kidnapped.
[159] Police are called and within the hour she's returned to her parents.
[160] The would -be kidnapper was picked up a few days later, arrested and convicted.
[161] Shit.
[162] Jay's daughter is alive and well with a family of her own because she's a freaking rock star and even at seven knew how to SSDGM.
[163] Yes.
[164] I could go on and on about Jay and his freaking amazing stories, like how his brother was the defense attorney for Richard Juller, the security guard initially accused of the Atlanta Olympic bombings.
[165] Richard Jule.
[166] Jewel.
[167] Thank you.
[168] Yeah.
[169] Not Jueler.
[170] That was what he did by trade.
[171] Excuse me. It wasn't his name.
[172] Or any of my other weird and wonderful church members, like the rare book collector who owns a Bible that belonged to a woman who was executed for witchcraft in Salem.
[173] Yes.
[174] We affectionately call it the witch Bible.
[175] Yes.
[176] My church is a dope collection of smart, loving, fascinating, kick -ass humans.
[177] Needless to say, I love being their pastor.
[178] Aww.
[179] Thank you so much for all the stuff you do.
[180] You know you're awesome.
[181] Nobody likes a kiss ass.
[182] Anyway, can't wait to see in Atlanta in November.
[183] Blessings in Peace.
[184] That's so awesome.
[185] So nice.
[186] Thank you.
[187] I am surprised by having a pastor listener.
[188] I am too.
[189] Thank you for tolerating.
[190] Thank you for being the middle land between me and Jesus.
[191] I don't even know what I'm saying.
[192] Okay, the subject of this one is the death of the lemur man. Dear sexy crew, my best friend growing up lived on a picturesque horse farm where we spent many hours traipsing around in dress up, probably riding horses and pretending we were elves and Lord of the Rings or what -ofs.
[193] Anyways, their next -door farm neighbors were hella weird, so naturally we were always trying to spy on them like the nosy kids we were.
[194] We were mostly interested in them because they had lemurs and llamas and a bunch of other weird animals.
[195] We never saw anything that interesting, but we loved gossiping about how weird they were last year.
[196] My mom casually mentioned that she'd recently caught up with my friend's mom, and she mentioned that their next -door neighbor had died in a weird choking accident.
[197] His wife was devastated and it sold the farm.
[198] My friend's mom didn't think anything of it until she saw this on the news.
[199] A year later, had this lady married to the lemur man, had moved to California, married a man high up in the Google Corporation, and he too had mysteriously died in a choking accident.
[200] Nope, nope, nope, no, no. However, this guy had cameras all over his house, and even though she pled innocent and acted horrified, the camera caught her, giving her husband a drink, and then casually cleaning her nails and swinging her feet while watching her husband choked to death on the poison she put in the drink.
[201] What?
[202] It turns out this girl had grown up in a wealthy family in Atlanta, but had a fun little hobby of killing off boyfriends and husbands, And as soon as she got them to put her in their wills.
[203] Holy shit.
[204] I think this was maybe her fourth or fifth man that she had killed.
[205] Stay sexy and maybe don't own a lemur from Farm in Georgia, Lexa.
[206] Oh my God.
[207] The image of watching a video where the woman is just doing her fucking nails.
[208] Yes.
[209] Well, he chokes a death.
[210] And then can you imagine choking and your loved one is doing nothing?
[211] And you're like, oh, no. That's when you realize as you're on your way out.
[212] You're like, shoot.
[213] Shoot.
[214] That's why I had that weird vibe around her.
[215] That's why she begged me about the will.
[216] Oh, that's awful.
[217] Okay, this one's called Stay Sexy and Always Keep a Can of Peas in your purse.
[218] Hi, you, lovely humans and furry friends, let's jump the fuck in.
[219] On a recent trip home to see my sweet baby angel mom, I asked her to pull out all of the photos she could find with the purpose of spending an afternoon drinking beer and reminiscing on her childhood and my own.
[220] I highly suggest everyone who can do this because it was a lovely trip to memory lamb and I learned so much about my mom and her youth, including that her and her friends really like to moon and flip the bird to the camera in their 30s, my hero with a beer in her hand and her friends bear ass by her side.
[221] Because you're getting into mooning the camera in your 30s, it's kind of amazing.
[222] Not your 20s.
[223] Once you start a family and then you just need to blow off some steams.
[224] It's time.
[225] Anyways, while going through her old.
[226] photos I would every now and then ask, who's this whenever I didn't recognize a friend or a family member with her.
[227] On one of those questions, she surprised me when her voice dropped and she said that this bright, beautiful woman was her cousin, Marilyn, who was murdered by an ex -fiance.
[228] Like, oh, didn't I tell you?
[229] No, Mom, you didn't, in all caps.
[230] Apparently, Marilyn was one of her closest friends.
[231] My mom was prepared to be her bridesmaid, puffy pink dress and all in her upcoming wedding to a jobless, jealous loser.
[232] While Marilyn got hip to his BS and broke off the engagement, after which he stalked her for several weeks before tragically stabbing her to death in a dark alleyway.
[233] Don't worry, they caught the monster and he's still rotting away in jail or maybe he's dead, who even cares?
[234] It was pretty incredible to talk to my mom about her experience losing a close friend and family member in such a horrific way and made me admire her strength even more.
[235] One thing that sticks out to me in the story is that my mom vividly remembers Marilyn's mother and never recovering from the loss of her daughter and eventually becoming a homeless wander for the rest of her days.
[236] I know who always kept a can of peas in her purse for whenever she was hungry.
[237] She had offered those peas to my mother on many occasions.
[238] Anyways, I really do love and appreciate you two fantastic humans.
[239] Your podcast got me through the two -month process of leased training my very stubborn hound dog with minimal frustration crying.
[240] I'm so excited to see you in Austin in November with my mom.
[241] Stay sexy and don't forget to keep a can of peas in your purse just in case, Sam.
[242] Oh, not sad?
[243] Yeah.
[244] All right.
[245] Here's my last one.
[246] The subject line is my arsonist cousin plays Jesus in the M -Fing Christmas play.
[247] Hello, all.
[248] We all have creepy cousin.
[249] Mine just happens to be an arsonist.
[250] Oh, Jesus.
[251] We're right in it.
[252] Growing up, my mom always said that she had a bad feeling about my cousin.
[253] He was my only cousin on that side of the family that was my age.
[254] So we went to the same youth group.
[255] We all knew never to hang out with him one -on -one.
[256] And we avoided his church hugs like the gosh -dam plague.
[257] In December 2017, he played Jesus in the Christmas play.
[258] so my parents were all at my parents and all my aunts and uncles thought maybe he'd turn out okay holy shirt were they dead ass wrong um he always loved attention so naturally he was stoked out of his mind to play jesus in the christmas play the following february he was on the news in a neighboring county because he was a witness to a series of four fires in a trailer park he comes on the news and says i just hope that whoever this person is either you turn yourself in or they find the person and then he proceeds to show the news people how he kicks in the door of one of the burning trailers after calling 911.
[259] Oh, my God.
[260] I'm assuming all the attention from playing Jesus went to his head.
[261] The very next day, police track the fires back to the motherfucker.
[262] Jesus.
[263] Motherfucker.
[264] And one of them was a trailer that belongs to another one of our cousins.
[265] Yes, he set the fires for the sole purpose of pretending to help put them out and getting a news interview on the news station that cannot have more than 600 viewers.
[266] needless to say the people at church went crazy when they found out that he had played Jesus in the Christmas play a deacon literally thank the Lord our church didn't get set on fire during a Sunday morning prayer now he's facing 20 years in prison much like many other members of my family God bless the South and plane tickets out of Atlanta that have taken me far away after graduating from high school Oh my God wow thanks for making every car ride fun and less anxiety ridden then before, my best friend Olivia and I love you guys and dream of seeing you live all the time.
[267] Stay sexy and don't play Jesus in a Christmas play if you plan on setting a trailer park on fire, Annie.
[268] That was amazing.
[269] Yeah.
[270] Um, should I do one more?
[271] Yeah.
[272] Okay.
[273] Hey, this is exciting.
[274] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[275] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[276] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[277] Who killed Saz?
[278] And were they really after Charles?
[279] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[280] This season, murder hits close to home.
[281] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[282] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[283] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[284] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?
[285] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy, Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[286] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[287] Goodbye.
[288] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[289] Absolutely.
[290] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[291] Exactly.
[292] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[293] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[294] That's right.
[295] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere.
[296] online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[297] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[298] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[299] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[300] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[301] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[302] Connect with customers inline and online.
[303] right with Shopify.
[304] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[305] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[306] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[307] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[308] Goodbye.
[309] A sex shop, an office, and a sad day at work.
[310] Funny found in Wall Story.
[311] Hi, all in Podloft.
[312] I'm so excited because my life is so goddamn boring, but I finally have a reason to email.
[313] So, okay, I was at Dragon Con this year.
[314] Okay.
[315] Had a great time.
[316] You guys should go.
[317] All right.
[318] And I got to this great conversation with a couple of people at the bar.
[319] This guy launches into the story about the strangest thing he has found in a wall while working at this building in Atlanta.
[320] All I'm thinking is, fuck yeah, I will steal this and send it straight to Karen and Georgia.
[321] Don't worry.
[322] I didn't steal.
[323] I told him I was going to email this.
[324] So he explains that he was working in this building and his boss says, we have to make a hole in this wall to run a line or something along those lines.
[325] whatever the fuck people do in offices.
[326] When he makes the initial hole, the best fucking thing fell out.
[327] And then dot, dot, dot, a goddamn giant dildo.
[328] Shocked and honestly not sure what to do next.
[329] He asks his boss about it and the boss explains.
[330] The office used to be owned by a sex shop that I think did films, not sure, not important.
[331] Anyway, they end up losing the space and just left a bunch of shit both accidental and on purpose.
[332] Somehow, and no one quite knows why, this dildo ended up in the wall where a hole was made.
[333] But don't worry, it gets better.
[334] This man had to spend his work days for the next two weeks removing tons of fucking dildos out of the wall.
[335] What?
[336] I guess someone decided fuck it and just made a hole and threw them in there.
[337] He couldn't remember how many he took out, but it was like the strangest thing he has ever found in the wall.
[338] I don't remember the building.
[339] He told me, but I was a few jack and gingers in.
[340] Well, I hope you guys got to chuckle out of that.
[341] Stay sexy and maybe just keep your dildos in your nightstand drawer, Danielle.
[342] I mean.
[343] Maybe someone was like a disgruntled worker and they were just like, fuck you, I'm not fucking, I'm not going to shelve these dildos.
[344] Because you're, you know, when you work in retail, you know, you have to put stuff out.
[345] Yeah, so you're saying like, you just don't feel like working anymore.
[346] So if you pretend that the stock doesn't exist, you don't have to put it out.
[347] Yes.
[348] Because I was thinking maybe they were old testers.
[349] Oh.
[350] They were just like, oh, we're not going to put them in the dishwasher.
[351] Just put them in the wall.
[352] This dishwasher.
[353] Do people clean their, okay.
[354] No. Haven't you ever seen that at like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[355] Those like sex parties.
[356] Dishwashers safe.
[357] Just like, what's less sexy?
[358] And also more like, could you imagine if someone's like, oh, I'm going to get a cup in my tea?
[359] Yeah, right?
[360] And they're like, no good, no, no. Yeah, but also dishwashers can't be 99 % effective, right?
[361] Like, you've got to have a little bit of salmonella left on that.
[362] What if you get like, what if your vagina falls off because you get salmonella poisoning because you wash it.
[363] Or for any other reason.
[364] For any reason.
[365] For any reason.
[366] Let's start fearing the worst that your vagina like it's a, like it's a, like it's a stereo face from the 90s that you can remove that it just will drop off of your body.
[367] Right, like your Lego piece.
[368] It gives a Lego piece vagina and it just oh no. And you accidentally it falls off and then you step on it and it's your foot so bad.
[369] How embarrassing.
[370] And then you're like do you want some tea and then you open your dishwasher and there's all your do -goes in there.
[371] My private things that I put in the dishwasher.
[372] Terrible.
[373] Send just your stories to my favorite murder at Gmail.
[374] Don't forget to vote.
[375] Don't forget to buy your tickets on a fan cult, like we told you.
[376] Don't forget to stay sexy.
[377] And don't get murdered.
[378] Goodbye.
[379] Mimi?
[380] Get your big chance, Mimi.
[381] Mimi, you want a cookie?
[382] Did that work?
[383] Oh, good girl.
[384] The tiniest.
[385] The tiny meow.