#150 - Bryan Callen (Part 1)

[0] We're ready to get shit cracking.

[1] We're going to break it down.

[2] It's all going to make sense today.

[3] Brian Cowan's here.

[4] My brother.

[5] My brother.

[6] Happy to be here.

[7] Always good to see you, my friend.

[8] Excited.

[9] Thank you to whoever gave me this this weekend at the Ice House.

[10] Some dude gave me Hunter S. Thompson's The Rum Diary, a nice paperback.

[11] Just wanted to thank that guy.

[12] Did his share of drugs.

[13] Yeah, you think.

[14] His share is psychedelics.

[15] Have you done your share yet?

[16] No. Not yet.

[17] Just mushrooms.

[18] I took a four -hour shower on mushrooms once.

[19] Nice.

[20] And then I was hiking a big whiskey mountain on mushrooms with my buddy.

[21] We decided to take a back route, which you never do.

[22] I was climbing up a landslide.

[23] That's smart.

[24] And I was like, to my buddy, I go, dude.

[25] He goes, what?

[26] I go, you got to move with the mountain.

[27] You're not moving with the mountain.

[28] And he's like, okay, he's a real mountain land.

[29] So he's climbing.

[30] I go, still not moving the mountain.

[31] Okay.

[32] I'm going to stay here and talk to this rock.

[33] And I had to have a conversation with the rock.

[34] And then, as he tells it, we're on top of Whiskey Mountain, which is a very big mountain.

[35] Okay.

[36] Luckily, it was in the summer.

[37] I was dating Patty back in the day.

[38] And they were waiting downstairs.

[39] And he turns back around, and I'm not wearing any clothes.

[40] And I mean, no clothes.

[41] And I'm on top of a mountain that takes, like, a really long time to climb up.

[42] And I'm naked.

[43] What did you do with the clothes?

[44] We never found my clothes.

[45] Oh, no. But I did stop and eat a lot of blueberries.

[46] Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

[47] And by the time, I also took a shit, squatting.

[48] And then as I was doing that naked, my buddy moved some branches.

[49] pretending it was a bear and jumped up and started to run and that caused a problem and then I came back down the mountain all scratched up no clothes and I can't stop and eat blueberries my buddy was got you stop eating blueberries I had a blue mouth a shit ass you walked barefoot down the mountain that's right that's right my feet were all cut up my skin was all cut up how long did it take I don't know a day and I literally literally literally probably four hours or something like did you sober up at any point during the Yeah, when I finally got down, I had a blue mouth from eating blueberries, and I was all cut up, and Patty was like, what are you doing?

[50] I was like, I need to dip my ass in a lake.

[51] I have shit ass, because I didn't have, I couldn't wipe it.

[52] So, yet one, another one of my shit stories, thank you.

[53] So she was like, wow, that's attractive.

[54] You're my man. I'll take the skinny guy with the blue mouth and a shit in his ass.

[55] It was coming down off mushrooms.

[56] So that was my experience with mushrooms.

[57] How much did you take?

[58] dude he my buddy gave me just a handful just a big handful it goes eat them i was like okay i want to have an experience you got to eat him in an empty stomach i haven't eaten of course that's really good and we're climbing man and i just started literally just hallucinating you're better off that he didn't eat anything if he had eaten it's something you'd probably throw up really bad i took a shower one time i wouldn't get out of the shower patty was banging on the door and i was like i'll be there I'm trying to figure something out.

[59] And then, no, it's hard to explain, but I believe I kept seeing my profile.

[60] And the first thing I was like is I kept saying, oh, fuck, I wish I was beryl chested.

[61] I'm not beryl chested.

[62] My grandfather's beryl chested.

[63] I'm not beryl chestered.

[64] I have a sunken chest.

[65] This is horseshit.

[66] And I was like, that's a terrible profile.

[67] So then I resolved, I resolved while I was in the shower to just spend the entire summer on a bench press.

[68] I was going to hire a coach just a bench, which that never happened.

[69] And then I came out of the shower.

[70] And then I had this experience of somebody standing, like, watching me and judging me. And I felt like it was the devil telling me that I was a phony.

[71] So I was like, I'm a phony.

[72] Why did you think it was the devil?

[73] I don't fucking know.

[74] I just felt, I saw this, that just felt like that's what it was.

[75] Because it was so mean?

[76] It was just the truth and so mean.

[77] I was so raw.

[78] I came out like fucking.

[79] It was probably really God.

[80] Maybe it was.

[81] Maybe it was.

[82] It just felt like the devil because he didn't want to admit the truth.

[83] Exactly.

[84] That's what the bad trips are.

[85] That is, bro.

[86] I can always tell with people you can just see it's so interesting to watch how people like I was thinking about this the other day how people basically as adults like I would call it adulthood and what they call maturity is the slow acceptance of what you will never be that's kind of what it is so what happens is you so interesting you see little girls dressed like princesses right and that's their ideal they grow up with these ideals we stick these ideals in children like you're going to marry a prince and he's going to be Prince Charming.

[87] And that shit gets whittled away.

[88] You start settling for simulation and simulation.

[89] It's basically your life becomes, I'll take what I can get.

[90] And until finally you're dating some guy with hair and his ears and a pot belly.

[91] Well, at least he pays a fucking bills.

[92] Which is what I like to get him, by the way.

[93] I like to get them when they're just going to a divorce, had their heartbroken two, three hundred times.

[94] They're 40.

[95] They work out way too much.

[96] That anger and frustration is combined into this fucking, what creates like a freaky that I can really work with.

[97] in a hotel room.

[98] The 39 -year -old crazy ones.

[99] Oh, my favorite.

[100] Starving for attention.

[101] Is that what you like?

[102] Look at my ass.

[103] I work out all the time.

[104] That's fantastic.

[105] I like them old.

[106] Not even old.

[107] Old.

[108] That's young for me. So you're coming down the hill.

[109] You're totally naked.

[110] You're high as a kite on mushrooms.

[111] Do at any point realize, like, are you starting to sober up at any point in time?

[112] Like, what's happening as you're sobering up?

[113] What was happening as I was sobering up, and because I'm such a freak, is I had read a lot about how when you can be on a mountain in the summer, a winter storm can brew up, right?

[114] They can whip up.

[115] You can get caught in hail storms.

[116] You can freeze to death, actually, sometimes, you know?

[117] And so I was like, I was like, I got to get the, and I'd read about K2.

[118] And I don't know if you ever read about climbing K2.

[119] It's one thing to climb Mount Everest.

[120] It's quite another thing that can't climb K2.

[121] Really?

[122] I believe there's only one side of K2.

[123] one can climb.

[124] And for a while, I believe, and you can check this on fact check, one and four people wouldn't make it on K2.

[125] People died all the time because storms.

[126] One and four people wouldn't make it, like wouldn't survive?

[127] Can you do fact check?

[128] Because I believe that was a case for quite a while.

[129] Jesus Christ.

[130] And so what happened was, it was the Holy Grail of Mountain still is, because what happens is storms whip up really fucking fast, like really fast.

[131] And you die.

[132] So what happened was I started thinking a storm might whip up And I suck in the cold Whoa What does it say on fact check?

[133] It's just talking about There was a there's been a bunch of disasters up there Oh a lot of people have died on K2 Yeah You don't climb K2 Very few people climb When you meet a mountain climber And they say I got to the top of K2 That dude is on the all -star team Wow That's a very rare dude And you have to go through Pakistan I think on the Pakistan side What?

[134] Yeah.

[135] No, bodies, and you pass bodies all the time.

[136] You know, it's hilarious.

[137] The United States just got word from Afghanistan that if we go to war with Pakistan, Afghanistan is on Pakistan side.

[138] Yeah, what a surprise.

[139] What how hilarious is that?

[140] Out of all the fucking, all the bullshit propaganda, pretending that we're helping those people, come on your side.

[141] We're bribing.

[142] Listen, we're extracting minerals, blah, blah, blah, taking heroin.

[143] But we're here for you.

[144] We're bribing fucking entire tribes to have loyalty to, like, Kabul.

[145] Well, do you know how they're getting information on these guys?

[146] You know the number one method for these warlords?

[147] No. Viagra.

[148] Oh, that's right.

[149] I read about that.

[150] That's right.

[151] Hey, hey, I know you have all these loyalties.

[152] You want a hard on for a long time?

[153] Of course I do.

[154] Yeah, well, these guys, these warlords, they start hitting 50 and 60 and you're fucking herding goats all day.

[155] You're tired, man. You can't take to those 20 wives that you've accumulated.

[156] You got cocky when you were young.

[157] You're young, you're young.

[158] My blood is hot.

[159] You could have 10 fucking wives.

[160] But then when you're a 60 -year -old man, you've got to fuck 10 of these bitches.

[161] They start talking shit, too.

[162] The limit is actually four in Islam.

[163] Really?

[164] And you have to treat all of them exactly the same.

[165] So if they had four, though, and one of them was getting all the dick.

[166] That's what happens.

[167] The other ones start complaining.

[168] It's the craziest thing, because I've never met two women, two women.

[169] Forget like four women.

[170] That could get along like that.

[171] What?

[172] Hey, girls, here's the good news.

[173] I'm marrying you.

[174] Bad news, we're all going to share the same roof.

[175] For fucking luck.

[176] How are they doing it in the Mormon communities?

[177] All these crazy Mormon communities.

[178] They don't.

[179] It's always been a very small subsets.

[180] And if you look at who those cult leaders are, they're basically closet, closet, closet, perverts, sociopath, pedophiles, scumbags.

[181] That guy Warren Jefferson was a pedophile.

[182] You're totally right.

[183] And that is a sort of part of the case, right?

[184] They always find out that these guys are marrying these girls at like 14 and shit.

[185] Oh, my God, man. They keep finding that out.

[186] Younger, younger.

[187] Really?

[188] Nice guys.

[189] Yeah, it's just weird, man. A weird offshoot, you know, that it's just so strange.

[190] It's Some people vibrate on a frequency that low.

[191] They're bullshit detectors that week that they get sucked into that kind of a community.

[192] I think it's perspective and context.

[193] I mean, when you get somebody who's young and they've never been told anything different.

[194] You look at children.

[195] People, you are what you get what's put inside you.

[196] That's why I always tell young people, fucking read, but read the right things.

[197] And what you don't know is going to hurt you.

[198] You've got to read.

[199] You just got to.

[200] Yeah.

[201] Have you seen a zeitgeist moving forward?

[202] No. I haven't either.

[203] I haven't watched a whole thing, but I watched a chunk of it.

[204] People are just constantly trying to get me to see this thing.

[205] It's one of those things where people email me once a day.

[206] Dude, have you seen Zykeyes moving forward?

[207] I'm like, all right.

[208] I saw the first zeitgeist, and although I thought it was very moving, I also thought there was like, there was some stuff on 9 -11 that I was like, this is, you're just, you know, there was stuff about the Twin Towers, like they couldn't have possibly fallen like that.

[209] And I'm like, listen, man, this is not real science.

[210] This is, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[211] This is, and to say this, to state that for sure that happened, I think it's crazy.

[212] You know, here's the only way to find out.

[213] Build the same fucking thing.

[214] Have another fucking plane fly into it.

[215] Let's see if it falls down again.

[216] If it does, ooh, you just fucked up.

[217] If you actually want a really good debunking of that, popular mechanics got together a whole bunch of mechanical engineer science called debunking the 911 myths.

[218] And they talk about, for example, how jet fuel burns at a certain temperature.

[219] and I believe it's 1 ,600 degrees, iron melt at 900 degrees, especially that kind of iron.

[220] So it made sense that the iron would start to melt and the building would crumble.

[221] But they had a whole bunch of different.

[222] They actually took each, and it's a really interesting book.

[223] Well, it gets annoying when you read the arguments against it because some of the information that people pull out is just flat out wrong.

[224] Like they're talking about how there's cuts to the beams.

[225] And you want to say, look, folks, they cut the beams when they needed to break everything down because they were clearing out the area.

[226] There's a lot of photographs of that.

[227] Exactly.

[228] You know, there's no evidence that they cut the beams to bring the fucking building down.

[229] It seems to me a lot easier to believe that a group of young men who are fanatics said, you know what?

[230] Let's fly planes into a building.

[231] That seems more than some huge and massive government conspiracy.

[232] Think how many people would have to keep their mouth shut to get something like that going?

[233] Not just that, but that that's the only way of building like that can fall.

[234] Right.

[235] I really don't think that they have a lot of data on what the fuck happens, the skyscrapers, and they get hit by giant jet planes.

[236] I didn't know you got your degree in mechanical engineering, my friend.

[237] That's exactly.

[238] Every time I hear somebody, people are full of medical advice as well.

[239] I love this.

[240] If you read a lot of stuff, for example, what people will tell you, there's a good TED lecture by this epidemiologist who's a scientist.

[241] Actually, does science, does the science on, for example, when they said that a glass of red wine a day can help you prevent breast cancer.

[242] The problem with that statement that you read in the New York Times and everywhere else is that the actual experiment was they had cancer cells in a petri dish.

[243] They dropped red grape extract onto the cancer cells.

[244] Those cancer cells died.

[245] That doesn't mean, yeah, you don't infer for that.

[246] But it's resveratrol, is what it is.

[247] Reservitoral.

[248] I take it every day.

[249] But you don't, that doesn't mean you infer then that a glass of wine is going to, you know, it's going to prevent.

[250] Is that really how they came to that conclusion?

[251] kinds of breast cancer, by the way, and cancer itself is an umbrella term for essentially the irregular division of cells, all different kinds of cancer.

[252] We don't know why some kick on, some happen when you're a child, others when you're an adult.

[253] There are different theories about it.

[254] Some are environmental, some are genetic.

[255] And by the way, when people say you've got to build your immune system, and if you drink this, it'll prevent cancer.

[256] In fact, I was reading that some cancers don't actually grow as a result of a stronger immune system because they are aligned with your immune system.

[257] When your immune system is strong for whatever reason and cells start dividing in a healthy way, the unhealthy cells do as well.

[258] So they're depending on the cancer.

[259] Which is why they use chemotherapy.

[260] It poisons your whole body and kills off the cancer cells right before it kills off you.

[261] That's right.

[262] That's right.

[263] And now remember, some cancer.

[264] counterintuitive to the holistic approach of like super healthy greens and stuff like that you want to be healthy i take all that stuff i do that but yeah i mean don't forget what western science has given us look up until the 1970s the late 70s i believe testicular cancer killed many young men when you had testicular cancer you were done okay but because they came up with a chemotherapy that that uses um was it called the scissors yeah right that's probably that's what they used to do but you you had things called But there was, there's a platinum compound in the chemotherapy.

[265] It is, it has made testicular cancer highly curable.

[266] Most, almost always, when you get testicular cancer, young men live now.

[267] They take chemo, they're sick for a little bit, and then it just goes away and it's curative.

[268] So, you know, you've got to be careful, you're right.

[269] People have a lot of information, and if you actually start scratching the surface and asking them questions, it's like, dude, you don't, where are you getting your information?

[270] Do you know the genealogy of your idea?

[271] Did you study?

[272] Do you know where this is coming from?

[273] Well, too quick to just grab a hold of a yes or a no or this side or that side.

[274] You've got to look at the whole thing.

[275] You know, the only thing that puzzles me about September 11 is that Tower 7 building.

[276] And there's a lot of debate on that.

[277] That's the one that the architects and engineers from 9 -11, Truth, have a problem with.

[278] They don't know why that building collapsed like that.

[279] And it looks like a controlled demolition.

[280] It's really weird because I've seen a bunch of them.

[281] It's very interesting because I've never seen a building.

[282] fall into its base like that like give out in uniform and come down a straight line but it doesn't mean that it can't happen it's got to be real careful about that it looks like a controlled demolition and you hear that this Larry Stilverstein guy had all this money invested in it and when the you know if the buildings went down he made billions of dollars and you hear all this craziness online but the real reality is again we don't know how a building like that performs until something like that happens you got to light it on fire you got to make big holes in it Yeah.

[283] And the other thing is nobody ever realized is that these are people, right?

[284] So if you look at like, if you read like Bob Woodward's The War Room or you look at how like governments, the CIA, this defense intelligence, the national security agency, the White House, if you, if there's a crisis, it's really interesting to see.

[285] And if you look at these memoirs now that are coming out about the Bush era, it's really interesting to see how they do arrive at at conclusions and decisions to take action.

[286] It's fucking heated in those.

[287] those rooms.

[288] And like human beings, everybody's got a different point of view.

[289] Everybody has their own group of people they control.

[290] And it comes down ultimately, everybody presents their case to the president, biting their lip, having testy arguments, not talking to each other, threatening to resign like Connolly's Reyes did with Donald Rumsfeld, because she just didn't get along with him.

[291] She thought he was condescending, et cetera.

[292] And the president finally has to be like, guys, guys, can you, hey, let's not stop fighting.

[293] I'm the one who makes the decision ultimately present your ideas.

[294] That, to me, is way scarier.

[295] The idea that we actually let a guy like Bush really be president, to me is way scarier than the idea that there's some massive conspiracy amongst globalists to control all the world's resources.

[296] The fact that a guy really could be president, but they really don't have it locked down.

[297] Totally tight.

[298] It's true.

[299] No, it's not.

[300] Bush didn't have a lot of wisdom.

[301] He didn't have to.

[302] He was there.

[303] He's a puppet.

[304] They obviously had Dick Cheney.

[305] And Dick Cheney was a guy who was the fucking CEO of Halliburton.

[306] a company that made untold billions of dollars reconstructing countries after we blow them the fuck up.

[307] It's not a coincidence that this guy would be really fascinated with going to war.

[308] I mean, he owned stock.

[309] The president, President Bush, was a fucking character on a sitcom for us.

[310] He was a guy that spoke for us.

[311] Connolly's had a huge falling out with Dick Cheney and a huge argument about the fact that the guy believed in essentially extraordinary, I think it's called extraordinary rendition where we would kidnap people, kidnap people, and take them to undisclosed locations, usually a country that didn't object to torture, and put them in these detention cells, these CIA prisons.

[312] And she was like, you can't just disappear people.

[313] You can't do that.

[314] You can't take somebody off the streets of Italy and bring them to Turkey.

[315] There's certain people that have an unquestionable character.

[316] There are certain people you hear them talk and you say, that's a man of character, that's a man of intelligence, that's a man of experience.

[317] Colin Powell is one of those people I hear that guy talk and I go that guy's legit, that's the real deal.

[318] He was also against the Iraq War for him.

[319] Yes, he was.

[320] And he was the only guy who did any time in uniform.

[321] Yes, and he was also, you know, disenchanted with the entire administration and it didn't really work out for him.

[322] And, you know, everybody was real excited when he joined the Bush administration.

[323] But, you know, there's a guy that really is a real American hero.

[324] He's the real fucking deal.

[325] And he's with all these jackasses and war criminals and fucking thieves and he has to sit there and watch them pillage, just pillage the world.

[326] Those motherfuckers.

[327] I'll get a little too serious there, folks.

[328] But I think that it's worth being serious about.

[329] It is.

[330] It is, but it isn't because it's not helping anything.

[331] No, but no. It's like I have a joke about Occupy Wall Street, and I totally support the movement, but the joke is that those hippies are just going to start living there now.

[332] What's going to happen is you're going to go there, everyone's just going to be shit all over the street, and you're going to have to just drive through that on the way to work.

[333] hey man what you're doing's wrong man nothing ever changes ever well that's the thing I was talking to Neil Brennan was kind of like give me a hard time for not not I disagree with him on a lot of things but he was but I respect Neil because he works very hard at earning an opinion developing an opinion yeah we are we're on a little bit I think we're on different sides of the equation but but Neil Neil Neil was saying you should be down there protesting and my problem with the protest movement the Occupy Wall Street movement is that I don't I don't know that that's the only group to blame.

[334] There are a lot of groups to blame.

[335] The government, Wall Street, in regular consumers who are buying houses, knowing they couldn't afford them.

[336] Nobody ever talks about that.

[337] And so when you occupy Wall Street, what you're really talking about, Wall Street, of course, just a euphemism, or just kind of a name for a very amorphous group of people, because what you're talking about when you talk about Wall Street is the investment community.

[338] That's what you're talking about.

[339] Now, do you want to protest the investment community?

[340] If so, let me ask some, questions.

[341] What aspect of the investment community?

[342] Because I would remind everybody, they pay a lot in taxes.

[343] They also produce a lot of wealth.

[344] You wouldn't have startup companies without venture capital, for example.

[345] You want to start taxing the capital gains tax?

[346] See what happens to your venture capital.

[347] See what happens to capital that is invested in businesses.

[348] So I don't know the answers.

[349] These are complicated issues.

[350] And you start following that thread and start saying, well, let's occupy wall street okay okay there are some unscrupulous assholes in wall street there's no doubt there's no doubt but but what are we going to do about it i would i believe personally that you had an incentive structure in place an incentive structure and and a system with holes in it where smart people got together and said hey you know what i got to tell you this is there are some very big legal loopholes here and we can make a lot of money you know why because three other houses down the way are making a shit load of money.

[351] So what are we doing, guys?

[352] Because we're not going to be able to compete.

[353] Here's another thing.

[354] We may be out of a fucking job if we don't do this.

[355] So when you're in that and you start to realize it, it's really an interesting development where you go, gee, what would I, what would I do in that situation as well?

[356] It was so, it was so fucking murky.

[357] And it seems to me what you want to fix is the incentive structure.

[358] You want to fix, you want to go back to nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts.

[359] What are you producing?

[360] What is the bottom line.

[361] How do you produce wealth?

[362] What has produced wealth in the past and...

[363] Too many people are making money off just making money and moving money around.

[364] Passing risk along.

[365] Yeah.

[366] Passing risk along.

[367] Even much bigger than the actual size of the actual economy is the size of the derivatives, right?

[368] Yes.

[369] And there's a very good book that I'm about to read and I had two very big bankers who were in this, who were in this and had lived through it and saw every bit, every detail.

[370] And they said the book to read is the big short by Michael Lewis.

[371] He wrote Liar's Poker.

[372] I would like to read that.

[373] It's called the Big Short.

[374] Let me write that down because I need to really...

[375] For anybody, it'll explain the Genesis.

[376] And this guy is...

[377] The Big Short?

[378] He doesn't have a grind in Axe here.

[379] He's a...

[380] He is a journalist who is an outstanding first class writer.

[381] I read Lyres Poker.

[382] He's a great writer.

[383] I believe it's Michael Lewis is his name.

[384] I might be wrong with the first name.

[385] But the point is that he wrote The Big Short.

[386] And that is renowned, that is widely respected as the book and sort of the Bible on how this shit happened and what happened.

[387] happened and essentially who's to blame.

[388] But you start going into that blame game.

[389] It's really interesting.

[390] It's really fucking interesting because there are a lot of people, and they're not just Republicans, they're not just libertarians.

[391] A lot of people can make a very strong case for things like the Equal Housing Lending Act, the kinds of laws that came out of government because it was very popular on the Republican and Democratic side to say, hey, I'm going to pass legislation that makes it easy for everyone to own a house.

[392] That's the American way.

[393] that's the American dream.

[394] They did a study that they that listen to this really interesting.

[395] The first, the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston did a study.

[396] They found that even if you're qualified for a loan, if you're a minority, if you're black or a Latino, and even if you're just as qualified as a white person, your four times is likely to be turned down, turned down for that loan, okay?

[397] So if you're black or you're Latino, back in, I think this was in 1996 or whatever, I don't remember the date.

[398] If you're black or Latino, you have the same.

[399] credit as a white person, you're still four times as likely to be turned down for a loan.

[400] Countrywide mortgage.

[401] That's because they're all in the family.

[402] Maybe.

[403] But countrywide mortgage said, fuck this.

[404] Let's open a bunch of small offices with minority people working in there.

[405] Let's start giving loans to these people.

[406] They have the same credit rate and let's do that.

[407] It's really interesting when you start really listening to the shit.

[408] You're like, wow, man, this got this got fucking crazy.

[409] On top of the fact that Europe, the rich countries were buying our mortgage -backed securities.

[410] They were buying the housing debt And so we could pass it on It's just so weird that people Thought that it was normal That you would buy a house And then it would be worth twice as much In two years Because that's what happened It's what happened in my house Dude everybody was telling me this Dude I bought it for 500 I sold it for a mill And I'm like what?

[411] You just made a half a million dollars Just like that How the fuck did you do that?

[412] How does that happen?

[413] How's that real?

[414] My father who was a banker Said my father looked at me And he goes Not gonna last Because I was gonna buy I was gonna buy a piece of property get into real estate he goes you know anything about real estate i go no he goes you know how to make people laugh right i go yeah he goes stick to making people laugh because you get in real estate to lose all your money all of it's true well not only that it's right don't be cocky and think you can jump into a game like that and not give it 100 % of your attention i just like you know people saying they're going to moonlight and mama i'm gonna have a couple of fights on the side good luck with the rest of your life thinking out of that shitty brain of yours oh my god someone's going to wrap a fucking shin around your skull and you're not going to remember things too good after that dude that's the hardest i'm sorry but that is the hardest way to earn a living It's right up there I watched these guys fight And I was watching I was watching baseball the other day I'm watching the World Series And you know Baseball they're athletes They can hit a ball You know you gotta swing the bat perfectly You gotta throw you gotta field a ball And it's you know There's a lot of skill involved in baseball But when it comes to fighting And you're out there with gloves That are just tiny And somebody else is trying to knock your fucking head off And you gotta know how to kick punch and wrestle So much more difficult So much more is on the lawn physically Your physical health You're playing a game for your health courage you know everything your mind you got to stay loose but aggressive and you're going to be exposed in front of all these people you're going to see you break what or not if you probably are not allowed to even say this because you you call the fights but if if you had to put i don't know if it's a fair question i was going to ask you about the son and uh uh anderson silver fight are they going to fight first of all do we know who knows i don't know i'm uh dana likes the fight it's a promotable fight for sure it's a very exciting fight is Anderson kind of hesitant to fight him I don't believe so.

[415] I believe his manager has said some things.

[416] But, you know, a lot of that is just, it's a game.

[417] You know, you've got to realize that promotion, you know, and managing fighters and stuff, there's a lot of publicity involved.

[418] And there's a lot of just keeping it in the press is a good thing.

[419] Saying the Chale doesn't deserve it is a good thing.

[420] Building up any sort of animosity is a good thing.

[421] And then Chales people say, yes, he does deserve it.

[422] Anderson's where he's going to kick his ass.

[423] Then you got a thread going, man. So you can't be a rube.

[424] You got to look at these things and go, listen, Ed Sour's is a smart.

[425] dude and Anderson Silva is a goddamn genius and Chale Sunnan is the greatest marketing mind that combat sports is ever known by a long shot.

[426] He's such a man. No one's funnier than him.

[427] No one's wittier than him.

[428] I want to be him.

[429] He's a beast.

[430] I watch him and I get depressed that I'm not him.

[431] How about what he said to Brian Stan?

[432] He said he is an American hero and he's going to get a good old fashion red white and blue ass kicking.

[433] It was so great.

[434] I saw him talking about the Noggera brothers.

[435] He's on another level.

[436] He was talking about the Noggera brothers.

[437] He's like they thought this bus pulled up.

[438] They thought it was a donkey.

[439] It was me interviewing him.

[440] He's saying that he tried to give him a carrot.

[441] I brought it up to him.

[442] He goes, that happened.

[443] He goes, one of them pulled his belt off.

[444] He's going to take it home.

[445] Come on a little fella.

[446] And you know what, dude, on top of that, that motherfucker could fight his ass on.

[447] If he was just a shit talker, I would still love him.

[448] Even if he lost every thought.

[449] Like Sean McCorkel has lost a couple times in the UFC and, you know, or at least once in the O .C. Sorry, Sean, if I said one.

[450] But he's a great shit talker.

[451] He's a hilarious shit talker.

[452] I like to see the guy back.

[453] just to hear him talk some more shit, you know?

[454] But Chale Sondon talks shit better than anybody.

[455] It's funny than I am, and I'm like, this guy's got to, you know.

[456] He's figured out how to finish guys.

[457] Instead of just staying on top of guys and punched him in the face, you know, you can win a fight like that, but you know what else you can do?

[458] You can lose a fight like that because the guy survives and catches you in a submission.

[459] Right.

[460] When you're on top of a guy, if you're a wrestler, the kind of caliber of Chale Sondon, you're not going to get up, man. The only way you're going to get up is he's going to make a subtle mistake and probably late in the fight.

[461] You know, maybe he's trying to finish you off.

[462] and he gets cocky and you get an underhook and you get back up to your feet but for the most part a guy like that can keep you down and if he's got good submissions fuck why wouldn't he have good submissions what kind of look at the elite level grappling he has all you have to do is just teach him a few different positions and he'll be elite in those positions as well and his triangle that he hit Brian Stan with was a crusher dude because Brian Stan was defending the right way the way to defend is called like answering the phone you put your hand over your ear and it relieves some of the pressure but chale squeeze is so fucking tight that it didn't matter.

[463] He did everything perfect.

[464] Is he just positioning?

[465] Guerrilla strong.

[466] Guerrilla strong and mentally tough as fuck.

[467] Yeah, he really is.

[468] He's tough as fuck, dude.

[469] And has cracked in the past and is tougher because of it.

[470] How about that?

[471] Has quit in the past, has done things in the past that he's not happy with, and those things motivate him in a fight.

[472] And much like George St. Pierre, I think losing and cracking under pressure makes him more dangerous.

[473] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[474] I really do.

[475] When a guy's been humiliated a couple of times and then he comes back and is a fucking badass, there's a different level of intensity that those guys have.

[476] A guy's been humiliated like a George St. Pierre.

[477] There's an intensity that he brings to the table where this is not going to fucking happen again.

[478] That's also on the menu.

[479] On the menu is, I'm going to kick your ass.

[480] On the menu is I'm going to force you to fight my fight.

[481] But also on the menu is that Matt Serra fight is not going to fucking happen again.

[482] You know what I'm not getting caught.

[483] You know, Shail's been caught by Anderson and a triangle.

[484] a little polophilio caught him in an arm bar but he's a he's a better fighter than back then i don't know what's going on i don't know if it's consistency intensity i think i think a lot of his strength resides in his hair in the thick sands delicious hair dude he's a he's a fucking most marketable guy ever he's he's a man he should have his own right -wing talk radio show when you're a man you're watching the guy you're like i i'm i'm i he's definitely the silverback and i'm a baboon i'll throw fruit from the trees and he's entertaining as hell man he's he's hilarious he's great I'm a big fan of that guy.

[485] And that's going to be a big fight, the rematch those.

[486] But Anderson right now is recovering from, he had a shoulder injury.

[487] Oh, he did?

[488] Yeah, and that's tricky, man. I mean, they can take a long time.

[489] Like Kane Velasquez, depending on the severity of Anderson's injury, Kane Velasquez has been out for a long time.

[490] I mean, he had to get surgery, and it's a good solid nine months.

[491] I didn't know that.

[492] It's a very complicated joint.

[493] His shoulder, I mean, look at all the different moves that the shoulder can do, and think about, you know, how loose the tissue has to be inside of there.

[494] And if something goes wrong, if there's tears and, you know, soft tissue damage or worse, ligament rips and things that need.

[495] You're going to go back in there and stitch everything up and put it together and possibly even, you know, and possibly even have more than one surgery.

[496] Yeah, I mean, there's people that have shoulder injuries and it's nine, ten months.

[497] Wow.

[498] Yeah, it's a long time.

[499] So Kane still hasn't come back yet.

[500] This Junior Dos Santos fight is his first fight back on Fox because he's been out for, Jesus, it's got to be like a year.

[501] He beat Brock Lesnar over a year ago, I believe.

[502] I'm not exactly sure when the fight took place.

[503] How much does he weigh, Kane?

[504] 240.

[505] He, in my opinion, is just, he's the perfect size heavyweight, where he's not a giant guy, so he doesn't require all this amazing oxygen.

[506] But he's still small so he can move.

[507] There's always that debate about what's the perfect size, because when you're 260, you don't have the kind of explosive speed with your punches.

[508] Yeah.

[509] You got a lot of weight in those arms, too.

[510] When you fill up with blood, man, you lose the snap into.

[511] the punches he's got great snap to his punches because he's not muscle bound he's got a real athlete's body i mean his his body is exactly built that way because of years of combat sports so it's built the exact way it needs to be to perform at the level that he wants to pour and with him the big thing with that guy is volume he has the most ridiculous pace of any heavy weight i've never seen a guy with cardio his ability yeah his cardio it's insane it doesn't make any sense he's 240 pounds and he never gives up outworks lightweights at the gym at aka American kickboxing Academy in San Jose one of the best gyms in the country filled with killers you know filled with John Fitch and Josh Koshchek and Mike Swick and all these fucking animals up there and this guy is outlasting them in conditioning drills that's unheard of you're talking about like a Josh Thompson like well those guys that's like an elite elite MMA athlete you know like as good a shape as you can get in as athletic as you can get in and to have this fucking freak heavyweight beating them in exercise drills is really kind of crazy, or at least getting close to them.

[512] Heavy weights are traditionally way easier to tire out, and he just puts a pace on these guys so you can't see them just can't believe it's real.

[513] They can't believe it's real.

[514] Like a perfect example.

[515] The Brock Leicester fight was a good example.

[516] That was a good example, but there's been a couple other fights earlier in his career, where you just see him hit guys with this pace, Big Ben Rothwell.

[517] That's a perfect fight.

[518] He hit Ben Rothwell with this pace that was just ridiculous.

[519] It was just ferocious.

[520] Everything he did was perfect.

[521] Every takedown was perfect.

[522] Every side positioning was perfect.

[523] Every hammer fist was perfect.

[524] Yeah, every punch was perfect.

[525] He just keeps going.

[526] Six feet, six foot one.

[527] Maybe something like that.

[528] It's not a giant guy.

[529] Like I said, he's only 240.

[530] Unbelievable.

[531] He's not a, he might be a little, it might be six foot one at the most.

[532] I should actually look at that.

[533] What's his nationality?

[534] He's Mexican.

[535] You know, you know, um, It has brown pride tattooed on his chest.

[536] That's how you know he's a bad motherfucker.

[537] I write C -A -N -U in Google, and it says Cain Velazquez.

[538] That's how you know you're a bad motherfucker, okay?

[539] Not even Canada or California.

[540] Or castration.

[541] Or castration.

[542] Or cats.

[543] Or cats.

[544] Hey, that's where it would come up for me. Mine says cats.

[545] I'm a huge.

[546] You guys, I should just say it now.

[547] I'm a cat -free.

[548] Six -foot -1, yeah.

[549] 6 -foot -1, 244.

[550] Perfect -sized heavyweight.

[551] Not too big, not too.

[552] small and if a guy like Brock Lesner can't out muscle you I'm so depressed I'm 511 170 you know but you know you always say this but you never do anything about it I lift weights dude do you do heavy weights yeah like did you you read Tim Ferriss's book do you see all this shit that he had about gaining weight yeah but you really want to get bigger no you wouldn't be as funny no I know that's the problem I don't want to spend that much time trying to like work that my body it's too embarrassing you would be just as funny that's ridiculous no but I mean but I don't I don't want to spend somehow I don't want to spend like a lot of time a lot of time trying to get bigger just so I'm 10 pounds more muscular You get tired quick It's just embarrassing You get tired quick The real problem with the big muscles Is that you have to feed those bitches You don't realize what a big difference it makes That's why you know You look at the real elite UFC athletes Like PJ Penn and Nick Diaz They don't look like Adonis I was talking to him at the Premier of Warrior I was looking at PJ Penn I was like well you're about as threatening in a button down shirt as the UPS guy you got those ears closed up I know what that means but I'm looking at him going I'm sorry I'm taller than you and frankly my shoulders are broader and that's all I was thinking the whole time you're sizing them up how many people must do that to BJ on a daily basis how many dummies he must have to talk to I know and I just keep looking and I'm like I mean how are you one of the baddest men on the planet yet he is oh he's an animal and then I met Alistair Overeign who is quite the opposite Alistair Overeem is like someone gave someone a superperson pill Like if you were a character in a comic book And you know You found a pill that was in Dr. Dune's laboratory He's a male male impersonator That's what he is Okay Yeah Yeah That's as Adam Carolla would say About women who are really hot Female female impersonators He's a male male I was like looking at his back I was grabbing his arm I was basically doing everything But making out with a guy I was like oh But here's the thing about Alston Since he's been that big No one's had to push him in an MMA fight.

[553] You know, his fights that he's had while he's been that big are really kickboxing.

[554] He's done very well.

[555] But I think there's something to that size in kickboxing that's particularly intimidating.

[556] With the skill of an Alster over him, he's very good at covering up.

[557] He has so much muscle.

[558] And I think that muscle is also sort of like a padding.

[559] It's like armor.

[560] My friend Walter would say that when we were doing Taekw Window.

[561] He would say that muscles don't help you teach out a fight, but what they do do, no doubt about it, is offer protection.

[562] He goes, they protect you against injuries, and he goes, and it's patting.

[563] You know, you've got to think of if your body's heavily muscle, it's patty.

[564] There's a certain point in time where there's a point of diminishing returns, but the question remains as to whether Alistair has hit that point of diminishing returns because he's so big.

[565] And in kickboxing, he's a fucking beast, and he was a bad motherfucker when he fought Alster or when he fought Brett Rogers.

[566] But truth be told, Brett Rogers is not at his level.

[567] He's not nearly technical enough standing up to stand with Alster, and he's not He's not a world -class wrestler, so he's not going to take him on the ground.

[568] He's basically a brawler who was in there with one of the best precision strikers in the world.

[569] So that wasn't exhausting for Alistair at over.

[570] How is Alistair's wrestling?

[571] It's not that good, but he's got real good Jiu -Jitsu.

[572] Like, wrestling is not good.

[573] He doesn't have the best takedown defense, but it's good.

[574] But the bottom line, he's got a nasty guillotine choke.

[575] He choked out Vitor Belford with it.

[576] Vitor tapped.

[577] Yeah, he caught Vitor, and that's how good is...

[578] He's a lot bigger than Vitor, though.

[579] Yeah, well, back then he wasn't.

[580] Back then, they were both fighting around the same weight.

[581] Interesting.

[582] Yeah, he might have eat some good foods and, you know, got a lot of weight put on his body, my friend.

[583] People put 35, 40 pounds high.

[584] Yeah, well, he does work hard, man. His workouts are unbelievable.

[585] There's videos of him online, crazy dead lifts and all this strength lift and shit.

[586] But the true test of that, whether or not you could perform with all that muscle on, really, is when you get stuck under the bottom of a guy like Brock Lesnar.

[587] That's the true test, you know, because that big motherfucker will take you down and he'll be, on top of you and you might be fuck son I think Brock's biggest challenge though is knowing how to box with a guy like Kane Velasquez because that takes forever to learn well because Kane can wrestle see Kane is a nightmare because Kane can wrestle yeah start as a wrestler an excellent wrestler so his technique is a wrestler too he's very technical like even though he's like he does like a lot of shit like he chains takedowns does it in a way that very few heavy weights do it's like the way he moves is like the way a lighter weight guy would wrestle and so he brings this really technical wrestling to it too so when Brock starts heaving and hoeing just a little Kane's got underhooks, he's back up to his feet and boom and Kane's all of a sudden kickboxing with him lighting him up he's his you know he's got the worst case scenario for a guy like Brock he's got nasty stand -up knocked out Nogera in a ridiculous flurry in a way that no one's able to do you know he's good man his stand -up is good and he can take a shot he took two solid punches from Czech Congo that dropped them same kind of punches that knocked Perry unconscious and he took it right on the chin dropped him and then he completes a takedown.

[588] That's what's so sick and amazing about a guy like Frank Edgar for example who to me right now the most just impressive human being the fact that guy can take shots to the face there's a correlation between both of them neither one cut weight.

[589] I was going to say I was going to ask you about that because when it seems to me if a fight's going to go three rounds is one thing to cut weight when the fight's going to go five rounds cut in weight is going to be a liability.

[590] You know usually if the guy has not cut weight your your muscles and all those cells are hydrated and you're not going to you're not going to get it tired so it's an interesting kind of well you know they re uh they rehydrate with ivs and it helps it's definitely better than the way they used to do it guys the way they used to do it you start eating slowly and then they would start slowly sipping water yeah i know try to get up in the middle of the night and drink water and they would drink water and pedia light but now now the smart way to do it is with an iv but there's been some studies apparently that were done on soldiers and I need to get a hold of this.

[591] My friend Dustin told me about it and they were talking about how long it takes to rehydrate your cerebral spinal fluid and all that stuff and that is where it's scary because that shit takes weeks.

[592] And when you get hit and you're dehydrated is very bad for your brain.

[593] Very bad for your brain.

[594] You cannot take a shot nearly as well and you're more likely to die.

[595] What does Gray Maynard walk around that?

[596] Somebody told me he's a big guy.

[597] Like 190 or something I don't well I think he can probably get up to 190 if he's eating whatever the fuck he wants and power lifting and shit but he's most certainly too big for 155, I think.

[598] I mean, look, he's a beast, man. Don't get me wrong.

[599] If he catches you with a big shot, he'll put you away.

[600] But I think he's so thick that, you know, for him, it might be better if he, like, lifted less and just got just a little bit more cardio into his system.

[601] And I know he's got good cardio.

[602] Don't get me wrong, but he doesn't have the same cardio that a guy like Edgar does.

[603] And I think one of the reasons for it is a guy like Edgar has less body mass, period.

[604] He has less much small oxygen that has to push through the muscles.

[605] And I think, again, there's a point of diminishing returns.

[606] Edgar is obviously not as strong as Gray -Manger.

[607] Gray -Mainer is way stronger than him.

[608] He's way scarier, a puncher, too.

[609] He can hurt you with one of those early punches that he hit at Edgar with.

[610] Holy shit, dude.

[611] His uppercut is nasty, dude.

[612] Gray can punch.

[613] But I think that's a mechanical thing, man. I think he would be able to punch like a motherfucker no matter what.

[614] I think he's just become a much better boxer over the course.

[615] course of the time we've seen him in the UFC.

[616] I don't think him losing a little bit of mass would hurt that.

[617] I really don't.

[618] I think he would be, you know, I think he would benefit from just having a little less mass on his body.

[619] But this is just me talking shit.

[620] If he knocked out Frankie Edgar in the first round, I'd be saying, oh, he improved and, you know, he's, you know, he's, you know, he's, you know, he's, you know, he's, you know, the best of the division now.

[621] The thing about, the thing about the UFC now is, is these guys become better punchers.

[622] Those little gloves become such a liability for any kind of error you make any fucking mistake and you go out look at Eve Edwards I mean Eve's a great fighter he was fighting really well but one shot to the jaw with those you're done the way Eves went down is like a guy who has been knocked out before though there's and I'm not saying that it wouldn't have happened He's been fighting a long time yeah I'm not saying that it wouldn't have happened anyway because it was an excellent shot you know it could have put him out anyway but man it was disturbing how we went out because I really like Eve Edwards he's a smart dude and he's a cool guy And he's a very skilled guy, too.

[623] And, you know, it's been around for a long time.

[624] You know, he's been, I watched him fight in the hook -and -chute days back when he fought Aaron Riley.

[625] We were in Pittsburgh together, and we were doing Warrior, and he was, he was, it was me and Nate Markor, we were in my apartment.

[626] He was, we were all a little drunk, and I start yapping off, and I'm like, you know, and I'm like, you know, and I'm like, well, I don't know why you guys don't just fucking go for a double A, take him down.

[627] I'm just saying stupid shit to he trying to get his goat.

[628] And I'm like, because I know you're a boxer.

[629] I know, but you know, I was talking to know, so you want no part of my feet, my friend, I'm doing all this shit.

[630] He's like, he's drunk, he's like, really?

[631] And he'll all of a sudden he grabs me. And now he's practicing moves on me as I'm trying to fucking stay alive on the rug.

[632] He's letting me choke him out.

[633] He's like, choke me on God.

[634] I'm not going to fucking choke you on God's Eve.

[635] He goes, try, just try.

[636] Come on, try.

[637] Next thing I know, I'm like, ah!

[638] I'm getting like twisted around.

[639] It's so funny to roll with guys like that.

[640] Just what they can do to you.

[641] It's just fucking ridiculous.

[642] So you just started training again, though.

[643] Yeah.

[644] How many times?

[645] Just once.

[646] Just once?

[647] How many years off did you have?

[648] Years.

[649] Well, you had a weird situation happening.

[650] Brian scared the shit out of me. When he told me this whole story, it's very disturbing.

[651] You had a real medical problem.

[652] Well, I had a concussion, and my hands for like three months felt like I was holding a hot snowball.

[653] And it would come back all the time.

[654] And I found that that is one of the cases.

[655] That's one of the effects of a severe concussion.

[656] because I had a 40 -minute fight with this guy named Pasquale, this French guy, and Boom Boom Mancini was watching.

[657] And I was at street sports, and I didn't want to lose.

[658] I was like, I'm not tapping in front of boom -boom.

[659] But how did you get a concussion?

[660] I think I didn't even, you know, when you're wrestling that hard, you don't even realize, you get, you know, you hit your head on the mat, you're falling, you're doing all kinds of crazy.

[661] Oh, yeah.

[662] I got my head on the mat and I drilled real recently.

[663] It was like, whoa, that was a hard one.

[664] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[665] Head, head injuries are no joke.

[666] but you know I just and I'm back though I miss it so when you uh you didn't know what the injury was you couldn't pinpoint I thought I had a brain tumor man no but I know but I mean when it happened when we were rolling there's not one moment that nope I don't remember any of it and I've been knocked out and I've been knocked out I've been kicked in the head I've been punt I know what being knocked out is you know I know but um for this it was just I got I guess I think what happened was at one point I I think I was standing and I came back and hit my head on the mat and we just kept moving, you know?

[667] Who knows?

[668] You don't think about it when you're fighting.

[669] Yeah.

[670] So why were you doing this?

[671] Why were you, as a grown man?

[672] Why are you having this 40 -minute battle?

[673] Because I still haven't let go of the fact that I'm a pussy.

[674] I like how you put it to a song.

[675] That I'm not built like a Samoan.

[676] I want to be, I wish I had some small blood.

[677] That's all I want, just a little.

[678] Give me a little fucking Samoan blood.

[679] Yeah.

[680] I just want the hair and the dark skin.

[681] No hair on my skin.

[682] It's fucking good look.

[683] I can wear turquoise and be a badass.

[684] I can't wear jewelry I look like a fucking There's something about a man who wears turquoise or jade Well Johnny Debt He gets away with all that shit He can wear awesome things There's something about when guys wear Like large silver bracelets With big jade ovals Inside of them You're like okay dude Do you believe in channeling I always want to ask him Like right away What's going on with you man Do you spend some time Of Sedona Do you know any healers Exactly Why my ex -wife's a healer I was in I went to John Varvados You know That where it costs like a million dollars for a pair of shoes what is that it's a really cool clothing company that actually love their clothes i actually look good in their clothes you know it makes them for guys who were built exactly like me but it's like really nice cashmere sweater shit you wear all the time that that it's like because guys have two criteria when they dress right they don't want to look like a pussy and they want to be comfortable that's it that's it for me i don't i'm not dressing i'm not wearing you know but um so i get in there and the dude the dude um this guy is like just very fey he's just like hi how are you i'm like good and he's like well let's start i go i'm doing a one hour special for showtime i'm i'm bullshit and i'm like you know i am by the way but i go i'm doing a special and i go um and i want to i need someone i need to wear something on stage i don't know what i'm going to wear we have some great stuff and he brings me over it and before i know what i'm wearing like i got a vest on i got a i got a fucking awesome fedora i got this he puts this this unbelievable this like chain around my my i looked i looked in the mirror And I was like, I'm sorry.

[685] But right now, not to be a dick, I'm the coolest -looking motherfucker on the planet.

[686] This is, this is, I look.

[687] I was so impressed with how good I looked.

[688] And I went, I've never worn jewelry.

[689] And he goes, oh, I mean, if you don't wear jewelry, then all you're wearing is cloth.

[690] That's our rule here.

[691] I'm like, well, that's - To wear jewelry?

[692] Well, it just looked, I was surprised.

[693] You let this gay man get into your soul.

[694] Right, but then I looked at him in the mirror, and I was looking at myself, and I went like this.

[695] And I said right in front of him, I go, then again, I do punch people for looking like this.

[696] You know, you see guys who are like, They walk in like, you know, intelligentsia coffee where they charge you $6 for a cup of coffee.

[697] And their hair is just must just the right way.

[698] They got a bracelet on this awesome.

[699] Don't hate the player, bro.

[700] I hate the game because that shit works.

[701] It does work.

[702] You pull up in a late model Maserati, you know, you have a fine watch on reading, reading perhaps the Wall Street Journal.

[703] I want to keep up on the markets.

[704] I'm going to get my coffee.

[705] Why me?

[706] Yeah, very successful financially.

[707] Romantically, not so much.

[708] You know, it's just.

[709] Ever since the family died in the fire.

[710] I just can't find the right one.

[711] Family died in the fire.

[712] You don't introduce any tragedy until at least the first couple.

[713] Two, three dates.

[714] You've got a little falling in love first.

[715] My biggest problem, when I'm not running orphanages, I guess my biggest problem is what to spend all my money on.

[716] You're going to come off like a hippie pussy.

[717] You don't want that.

[718] Don't talk about orphanages.

[719] She can find that out.

[720] You're making grand plans.

[721] You can't keep banging her for long.

[722] You're on a one -night plan.

[723] You're right.

[724] If you want to keep a girl in the game, you can't just make up orphanages, man. I do.

[725] I like the Wall Street Journal.

[726] That's good.

[727] Yeah, you got to pretend like you're a serious person.

[728] Yeah, with an expensive watch.

[729] I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. She's lost.

[730] She's got to pay her own fucking rent, man. It's hard.

[731] It's hard out there.

[732] That's it.

[733] You know, she doesn't feel like a woman, but yet she is.

[734] Right now, right now, I just manage my investments.

[735] I wear one of those book bags that you could keep your dog in the back.

[736] Have you seen those things with a book bag?

[737] They're like these little book bags that you carry around your animals in the back.

[738] Wouldn't you want it in the front?

[739] So your dog knows that you're there?

[740] Little dogs are great chick magnus.

[741] Puppies.

[742] But what's crazy about these book bags is like if you look at the reviews, like on Amazon or whatever, there's so many psychos that are like, I could fit all three cats.

[743] I love going to Target with my cats.

[744] With my cats?

[745] Yeah, the reviews are hilarious.

[746] Check it.

[747] Was it on our podcast where somebody was talking about walking their cat on a leash?

[748] Who was that?

[749] Maybe.

[750] There's a guy that walks his cat on a leash by my house.

[751] I had a history.

[752] Go on, I'm sorry.

[753] Oh, I'm sorry.

[754] Someone on, I believe, I thought it was on our podcast.

[755] was talking about walking a cat on a leash.

[756] I might have said that.

[757] I had a history teacher in college who told me that his buddy's dog, his buddy's lab had like a litter of puppies.

[758] They're like, what the fuck do we do with these puppies?

[759] There's like eight weeks.

[760] They're wean and stuff.

[761] Like nobody wanted puppies.

[762] He's like, fuck and they're like bored and they're going to the beach and it's like, I got to the beach.

[763] Let me just feed the dogs and his buddy goes, hold on.

[764] I got an idea.

[765] He's like, what I mean?

[766] He goes, let's bring the puppies to the beach.

[767] And guys like, what do you mean to bring the fucking puppies?

[768] He goes, don't worry about it.

[769] Next thing you know, they got a box of puppies and they have a sign that says rent a puppy and they're renting puppies you can just take the puppy for an hour leave a credit card play with the puppy of course everybody wanted a fucking puppy they're like how much to live with the puppy but my buddy's the history professor was like the girls the girls that everybody ended up that everybody ended up hooking up with were just unbelievable you're just surrounded by girls bring a bunch of puppies to the fucking beach forget your gym you're working out for three months trying to get your chest all right bullshit you don't have to work out just show up with a bunch of puppies girls will flock to you there you go ladies and gentlemen thank you rent a puppy Brian Callan's a genius when it comes to picking up chicks you don't really want to pick up in the first place that's the problem everybody is so starving to get laid men are so starving the reason why there's so many bitches and pussies in the men department in this world today is because the commodity of pussy is so goddamn powerful and it's totally the percentage of the market devoted to pussy is like shit it's got to be like 40 or 50 % of the market is based on pussy.

[770] Acquiring it, right?

[771] Impressing it.

[772] When I think of the conversations, I've had the sincere conversations I've had with girls just to get laid where my brow is nodded and I'm like, really?

[773] That's amazing.

[774] Say more stuff.

[775] So tell me about this dream you had again.

[776] And women get angry at us for this insincerity, but this is what you have to understand.

[777] We're junkies and you're the dealer.

[778] It's really that simple.

[779] The universe is set up fucked up because we have the same bodies that we had back when infant mortality rates were through the fucking roof.

[780] So you had to want to fuck all the time so that you could have a reasonable amount of people so that the human race could survive.

[781] You know, it was really common like back in the day for people to have 10 kids, 11 kids, 12 kids.

[782] They just, kids were fucking dying, man. Kids didn't last.

[783] People got crazy diseases and it would wipe out entire villages and animals were eating people on a regular basis, you know?

[784] So we have that same body.

[785] We want to fuck all the time.

[786] Our body has not reacted to the, especially if you're athletic.

[787] It's one thing if you're unhealthy, and if you're confined to a cubicle and, you know, your body becomes sedentary, you'll lose a certain amount of that drive as you get your 30s or 40s.

[788] But if you're athletic, if you're athletic person and if you're a person who just, we are engineered to like the hunt of it.

[789] The same way, you can't roll a ball of yarn in front of a kitten.

[790] If a girl walks by, it doesn't even matter if you want a fuck her.

[791] if a girl walks by in high heels and a bikini with a big ass and big floppy real tits and she's hot and she looks at you you go oh oh you just have to find a reason why you had to get out of the room yeah but meanwhile instinctively we are we are becoming increasingly automated and and computerized and so what happens worse than that worse than that we we are because they're changing because the fact the pussy is so powerful men are doing a lot of shit that women want them to do, and it's not normal.

[792] But I would say that's also because testosterone, muscle, aggression, those things are becoming tools we no longer need to survive.

[793] Think about what it was like just to get by and feed your family.

[794] You had to work the fucking land.

[795] Splitwood, bail, hey, catch your own food, all that shit that took a lot of weight.

[796] And now what happens is you go to the supermarket or you swipe your credit card, okay?

[797] So, and I'm watching, I was watching two shows in particular.

[798] I watched Whitney and I watched American Horror Story.

[799] Okay, I like American Horror Story, by the way.

[800] It's scary.

[801] But he has an affair, oh, Christa Lee is my buddy.

[802] But he has a, he has a, um, uh, how bad is it?

[803] How bad is it?

[804] Whitney?

[805] I haven't, I don't, I mean, I don't mind it.

[806] It's a sitcom.

[807] Shut the fuck up.

[808] It's actually not.

[809] It's actually not.

[810] It's terrible.

[811] I don't like it.

[812] We go way back, bro.

[813] We go over a decade.

[814] This thing's going to be gone.

[815] I like the laugh track, honestly.

[816] You like the laugh track?

[817] Yeah, that's my favorite part.

[818] She's very pretty girl.

[819] I wish I will.

[820] I like, I personally really like Whitney.

[821] There's a person and I really like Chris So I'm biased Something about those billboards It made me feel like I was in a Cohen Brothers movie I was like I think this is it I think this is the last piece of evidence That life is a work of fiction It's like what What the fuck is happening?

[822] Ciccons just do not work for me anymore I cannot do it at all You say that but if you You locked into a good one If another Seinfeld came along Modern family's funny Yeah I heard that's very funny Well I mean the typical sitcom You know like we're Two bro girls Stewart is supposed to be pretty good It's doing it really well.

[823] That's Chelsea's.

[824] Chelsea Handless.

[825] That's actually Whitney's as well.

[826] She created.

[827] Oh, that's right.

[828] Oh, yeah.

[829] Whitney's doing really well, man. Whitney works her ass off, man. That's crazy that she's got two shows.

[830] I'm happy for it, man. I love her.

[831] I've known her forever, and I knew her back when she was doing open mics, you know, and she worked her ass off, man. And you know what about, you know what I love about Whitney?

[832] Whitney's always been fucking really positive and really supportive.

[833] That's awesome.

[834] And she's the girl where I'd be on stage, she'd be out there laughing her ass off.

[835] Well, you don't get that.

[836] everybody how great I was successful you don't get that successful without being positive it's impossible she's a positive person who worked her ass off and guess what I read the the pilot of Whitney and I was laughing and I was like she wrote it she wrote it now you stop blind no but I mean I'm saying it for a sitcom it might not be you know for a sitcom I'm just saying I'm but I'm proud of her I think sitcoms still work but the point I was making is this is that like Chris's character looks at a girl and for the whole episode she's giving him a hard time and he feels guilty and he can't admit that he was just looking for a girl and I was saying the other day I was like look the truth of the matter is we're fucking genetically programmed to be that way until we have an honest conversation about about what that struggle is for a guy then we're always Yeah but I don't even say for a guy because there's a struggle for a girl too it's a respect issue and that's why I don't think that people looking at other people while you're in a relationship is cool while you wear someone it's you know what you're doing you know when a girl like I've seen girls do it to dudes and it's very distra disturbing.

[837] It's happened especially it happens around a lot around fighters.

[838] I'm not talking about that.

[839] I'm just talking about when it does happen instead of pretending it didn't or instead of saying that I don't feel that way, there is a dialogue to be had which is yeah, you know what?

[840] That's the way.

[841] When you get shit out in the open it takes the edge off.

[842] It does, but it's a disrespect issue in the first way.

[843] You shouldn't be doing it.

[844] You shouldn't be staring at some chick's ass when you're in front of your wife.

[845] You know what the fuck it is.

[846] You know, it's easy to not do.

[847] You know, it's easy to take it in for a second I can go, Jesus Christ.

[848] And then don't say, but don't fucking stare blatantly at some chick.

[849] Because you're just doing it to create conflict.

[850] You're doing it to make that girl feel bad.

[851] And we've all seen guys do that.

[852] Sure.

[853] We've all seen guys do that.

[854] Or it might even actually say something, you know?

[855] That makes everybody.

[856] I'm so lucky.

[857] I get the elbow to me like, hey, Brian, look at that girl's ass.

[858] Like it's backwards for me. That's girls who want to seem cool in the beginning.

[859] No. This girl does porn.

[860] She does lesbian porn.

[861] Oh, she does.

[862] She probably loves chicks.

[863] likes eating box yeah that's fantastic don't have kids with her but that's fantastic what you never know man you never know it's right kind of girl give up on her pussy I'm kidding they don't though they just take a break and then when the 40 they kick you out of the house and move in with their horse trainer that's all right horse trainer that's okay start from scratch yeah that's what's gonna happen bro it's all fine I'll take a couple years off you'll have kids with them and then when they're like 20 the kids will be like 20 I know but I'm beginning to think everything is fine like just if you do it with your eyes wet open it might be a risk but fuck it take it anyway she's like got a pass and she's all fucked up but you like her date her well see you might lose your house but fuck it you'll get another house I don't know if he necessarily should be having children right now but I see your point I mean there's no guarantees well not only that people do evolve they do change you know you can't judge everyone based on their earliest fuck up we'd all be losers I'd be a disaster can you imagine me it's like yeah there's some sort of a time between your fuckups and who you are today that we have to accept and I don't know what that number is.

[864] If I had a time machine, I'd go back and just meet me when I was 23 and slap my face with an open hand about 30.

[865] Why would you do that?

[866] It's perfect.

[867] What you've gotten through is absolutely perfect.

[868] You've gotten through it all with humility.

[869] Everyone's afraid of making those big colossal mistakes because they somehow know to define you.

[870] I say they don't.

[871] I say you're not your past.

[872] I say your accumulation of your experiences and what you've observed and learned and groove from your experiences.

[873] And because of that, you know, or how you've grown from your experiences.

[874] Because of that, you're better because of all your fuckups.

[875] You should embrace them.

[876] As long as you learn from your fuckups, you're better because of them.

[877] I am unquestionably, I would not change a single thing about anything I've ever done ever.

[878] I mean, I definitely feel bad for I've ever heard anyone's feelings at any point in time of my life.

[879] That's the number one thing, if anything, I ever regret.

[880] It's like, maybe I shouldn't have been so meany to that dude, or maybe I shouldn't have yelled at this chick, or maybe I shouldn't, you know, maybe I should have like ate it before I, you know, just taking a look at where they're coming from perspective.

[881] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[882] Or, you know, instead of just said, shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear you.

[883] You know, those type of things.

[884] My regret isn't on what I chose to do.

[885] My regret is I didn't work hard enough in some things.

[886] Really?

[887] Yeah, a little bit.

[888] Well, you know what?

[889] I don't know, I don't think that should be.

[890] I don't think that should be because you've had a very enjoyable life.

[891] And you have to realize is, you know, there's a certain amount of whimsy to your personality and to what makes you a fun guy.

[892] And part of what makes you a fun guy is that you're never really truly satisfied with your current position in life you know but that's an interesting point but I like I like that and I've never had anybody use the word whimsy with you that's a fucking great word you're a man of whimsy you're a great word if I had a barrel chest you're like thinking of yourself on top of a all day long a boat with a broad sword flying a sail my one hour special who's coming out in gym my one hour special on the cover of the DVD is me they made my muscles really big I'm holding the mic over man and two girls are clutching each calf looking up at me and I'm on a mountain top you fucking right that's what i want to be and there's a horse rearing up in the distance and a hawk in the air i'm like that's that's what i want to be that's hilarious it's true i've always wanted to be uh you know i've always wanted to be everybody everything i'm not but you know in that sense i kind of like who i am at the same time oh dude that is who you're it's not true though it's not it's not a real need it's a whimsical fantastic it is it is it's like he's like he's being silly about it all if you really truly wanted it you would do it.

[893] I've never taken myself that.

[894] I see the devotion that you have as a father.

[895] I see the devotion that you have for your work when you're actually concentrating on something.

[896] When you actually want to do something, you're very focused on doing it.

[897] So it's kind of a fake.

[898] It is.

[899] It's almost an admiration for extreme examples of certain individuals and how inspiring.

[900] Like you meet a guy like Alster Overing, you don't necessarily want to get that big, but God damn what's inspiring.

[901] It's fucking cool.

[902] You grab his fucking giant anaconda arms.

[903] My dove, dove goes, Dove, Davidoff goes, you were grabbing the guy's fucking arms.

[904] You don't even know guy you're grabbing his shoulders i was i was grabbing i'm putting and i was like well i was asking about brock i was asking about brock i had to touch his body i was like well look at this guy maybe he's like people don't you know that's an interesting fight i think alster's one of the best fighters in the world but i think brock is big as fucking a serious wrestling he had a lot of respect for brock he said you know he said he said i'm ready for the fight but i have a lot of respect for brock he's a great fighter and i was like whoa he said that without cameras the fact that you can just go up to a guy like that and grab him shows you where you're coming from because if you were weird in any way you wouldn't be able to get that off.

[905] You can get that off because you're charming.

[906] I can't help it every time.

[907] It's like the same thing with mayhem.

[908] I'm always like trying to underhook him and he's like, you're crazy to think that you would ever want to do anything different.

[909] Because whatever you've done has made you you.

[910] You know, I'm sorry for anybody that ever hurt their feelings, but I'm so happy everything turned out the way it turned out.

[911] I guess you're right, man. I never thought of that.

[912] I really liked that.

[913] As I was thinking, as you were talking, I went, I spent a lot of time wishing I was somebody else.

[914] That's why I'm an actor.

[915] That's why I'm a comic.

[916] And by the way, that is who I am, isn't it?

[917] We don't like...

[918] I'm a guy who wishes he was who spends a lot of time wishing he was somebody else.

[919] That's my identity.

[920] Every guy wants an undefeated record, okay?

[921] But I'm telling you that shit ain't good for you.

[922] You have to understand what it's like to lose.

[923] Of course you do.

[924] You have to understand failure.

[925] You have to be able to look back in your past at a moment where you fuck something up and feel uncomfortable about it, and that should provide you with a certain amount of humility and understanding.

[926] I think a man is the product of what partially a large, but largely a product of how of the, actions he chose to take as a response to failure.

[927] Yes.

[928] Yeah, for sure.

[929] I don't know how you learn anything other than the hard way.

[930] I don't.

[931] You don't really.

[932] You don't really.

[933] We're a strange animal that's dealing with infinite variables and the only way to truly find a focused way through this path is to have accumulated a massive amount of experiences and forged positive information and game plans from these experiences and be able to move forward.

[934] You cannot know it all right away from the get -go.

[935] That's right.

[936] You can just, all you can do is control how you, how you respond to failure, what you choose to do differently.

[937] Re -adjusting your approach.

[938] And by the way, the one thing for me is I've learned just to enjoy, enjoy that and allow the frustration when you do fail.

[939] Well, how about be able to make fun of yourself when you fuck up?

[940] That's so huge.

[941] How few guys can do that?

[942] Dude, that's so huge.

[943] There was a guy, do you remember, it's so big.

[944] And you're great at it.

[945] There was a guy recently, I say recently, it was within the last couple of years.

[946] It was back when Legends was at the old bomb squad on Santa Monica Boulevard, where the jih Tzu Gym used to be.

[947] Anyway, this guy picked up a hooker.

[948] He came back from Iraq.

[949] Picked up a hooker.

[950] Turns out the hooker was a dude.

[951] The guy had sucked his deck.

[952] Found out the guy was a guy.

[953] Shot him.

[954] Oh, no. Dumped the body in an alleyway.

[955] In an alleyway, like a movie.

[956] So the cops apparently see this guy dumped the body.

[957] They high -speed chase ensues.

[958] They chase him all the way.

[959] We out to the desert, gets out of the car with his gun, suicide by cop.

[960] They shoot him dead.

[961] Wow.

[962] And all I'm thinking of is this motherfucker, if he could just make fun of himself, would have the best story ever.

[963] It's so true.

[964] The idea of the stubble in this guy.

[965] Did it really?

[966] Quiet suddenly.

[967] Did it really?

[968] You don't know that story?

[969] No. Oh, interesting.

[970] Well, if I may. If you, please.

[971] I can't believe I've never told you this story.

[972] I can't believe you haven't either.

[973] You might have.

[974] I'm at Club USA in New York City.

[975] How many years ago is?

[976] Oh, I don't know, 20.

[977] I don't know.

[978] I'm 63 now.

[979] You know, I just had a lot of work done.

[980] But, yeah, I'm at USA.

[981] I'm a young man. And I'm dancing and with my buddy.

[982] And I meet this, I have a weakness for Latino girls, right?

[983] A little petite curvy.

[984] I see this beautiful Latino girl.

[985] She's got this black ponytail.

[986] She's got that caramel skin.

[987] this cute little ass My dick is getting hard I know And this tight I'll stop touching And she's dancing She's dancing She's dancing She's dancing She's hey I'll start touching it He said stop I'm sorry She's dancing And she's dancing and she locks eyes with me With the eyes of a fighter I'm just looking at me And I'm like All right well That's my wife That's my wife right there I start dancing with her We're grinding We're dancing She smells like Fucking apricots.

[988] I don't remember what she smells like, but for the story, she smells like fucking apricots.

[989] And I'm just, I'm, they said, we start making out, and I mean bub slapping on the dance floor.

[990] And you know, sometimes when you're that attracted, everything else melts away, you just see that one person.

[991] I'm a little drunk and I'm kissing her and it's romantic.

[992] I mean, deep.

[993] Oh, God.

[994] So there are these booths.

[995] There were these peep booths at Club USA where you could go in and there was a glass thing where other people could watch you.

[996] So I take this girl into the peat booths.

[997] And I didn't give a fuck.

[998] there's a glass thing.

[999] So other people can watch you.

[1000] They want to come into the booth.

[1001] They can watch.

[1002] But nobody's there.

[1003] But I didn't care.

[1004] I was a freaking club is this.

[1005] I was 23.

[1006] I didn't give a fuck.

[1007] I was like, I'll fucking fuck you right here.

[1008] Condom shut up.

[1009] So I'm literally like, I'm going to fuck this girl right here in this club.

[1010] And, you know, so you cuff me, go fuck yourself.

[1011] I was just in love.

[1012] I'm going to get her.

[1013] This is my girlfriend.

[1014] This is my girlfriend forever.

[1015] So I'm kissing and I'm making out.

[1016] and I'm feeling her body she's got these little tits I'm like these are small it doesn't matter her waist and she's so hard and the ass was on another level yeah she had a beautiful ass and I reach down and I go for well I grab a I grab a branch I grab a fucking branch that had been tucked under and she he goes up and pulls my hand away and I immediately realize that was a cock I've been deep kissing deep kissing for two hours so I'm definitely a little gay I mean deep kissing and I just grabbed the cock How did you not know?

[1017] You ever felt a cock in tight How did I not know dude Because she was She was taking hormones obviously Secondly she was already like Had that skin Latino or Filipino Whatever she was Where she just didn't have hair on her body She was petite He keeps saying she was such a girl because he doesn't want to believe but here's this ready here's why I'm a good guy here's why I'm a really fucking nice guy you let him suck your dick nope I looked in her eyes she was so hurt his eyes he was so like he was just like please you know let this be and I'm such a fucking I felt so bad that I go I go back in to kiss her I kiss him for another like two seconds three seconds and I go on the lips of course I didn't want to be rude you fuckers now listen I'm not done I'm not done.

[1018] That's totally gay.

[1019] Ready, ready?

[1020] I go, I go like this.

[1021] I go, oh, I go, oh, look, I have an ulcer.

[1022] I have an ulcer.

[1023] My stomach is killing me. She goes, you do?

[1024] I go, yeah, she goes, do you have to go to the bathroom?

[1025] I go, no, no, no, I just have to, I have a very bad ulcer.

[1026] Sometimes she just keeps, so I want to protect her feelings.

[1027] I felt so bad, him, his.

[1028] She had his.

[1029] And that's how you got out of the situation.

[1030] And I left and I never, I did not come back to that club.

[1031] I can't believe you went back into kids.

[1032] I got to be, I didn't want to be.

[1033] be rude no yeah what wait a minute wait a way I would have been the opposite person some person pretended to be a girl and tricked you into kissing him and never even told you something that for a lot of guys would make them violent I know I would have gay back for a lot of guys I know I know I know would have been mad if this person tricked me a lot of guys it's an experience that they didn't want to have it's an experience okay for you but for a lot of guys it's an experience they don't want to have and someone tricked them and they're doing it and they could get violent and I don't I don't justify it, but I'm saying a lot of guys, that would be their reaction.

[1034] The fact that you felt bad, it's very strange.

[1035] And you went back and then wrote her a poem.

[1036] Did you kiss him with tongue after that?

[1037] I don't believe I kissed with tongue, but if I tell the story again, I'll definitely use that.

[1038] Isn't it funny how a memory from that far back is almost bullshit anyway, because it's so like fragmented and odd.

[1039] It's like, I can recite the facts of a lot of details of my life, but do I truly recall them?

[1040] And if I didn't have a language, they wouldn't even exist to my memory bags.

[1041] I'm tempted to tell you another story.

[1042] I'm tempted, I'm tempted to tell you.

[1043] Yes, yes.

[1044] Please do.

[1045] Yes.

[1046] All right.

[1047] That was hilarious.

[1048] Did I tell you the Jimmy Burke story?

[1049] Which one?

[1050] I know a million Jimmy Burke stories.

[1051] The one where we were both together with two girls on the bed?

[1052] Yes.

[1053] Yes.

[1054] All right.

[1055] That's good.

[1056] Okay.

[1057] So I had my best friend's thumb in my ass.

[1058] All right.

[1059] But that's a whole different story.

[1060] Joe?

[1061] What?

[1062] You put your thumb in his at.

[1063] No, not mine.

[1064] No, another best friend.

[1065] oh but did i tell did i tell don't say my thumb let's be clear about this because we refer to each other as best friends my thumb was never anywhere near your ass i gave the i gave the punch line away but it but there's a very very good excuse for it did i tell you not on the podcast oh well should i tell them the podcast well it's a little late because you already gave away the punch line is if you can tell the story somehow or another make it entertaining even though the punchline is already i used to have i used to date i had two girlfriends for a long time that i had sex with 10 years after the fact they were just my two girls love them love them i i had text with those girls i you know that we dated in college and then i dated them one out right after college and and and for the next 10 years maybe longer they were always a booty call and i those kind of relationships are so strange aren't they they're so weird even through their boyfriends through girlfriends that we would always get crazy parts how many how many girls like that have a guy like that somewhere in their life where they just have some arrangements and they just meet up places i can sniff it yeah right you can sniff it.

[1066] I know it.

[1067] Dirty.

[1068] Oh, yeah.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] How can you tell?

[1071] What do you tell most of all?

[1072] Because they're, they talk about him a lot because he's still in their life, because he's still really important to them.

[1073] Oh, yeah.

[1074] I can always tell.

[1075] Oh, you're saying you can sniff it if a girl's doing it to you.

[1076] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1077] You can tell.

[1078] I mean, I know.

[1079] And it's fine.

[1080] Does it give you like a nice green light though?

[1081] Yeah.

[1082] You're like, okay.

[1083] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should be friends.

[1084] You should be friends.

[1085] The one girl.

[1086] You just automatically can assume that she's doing that just whore rampage.

[1087] Yeah, I was that.

[1088] Give me permission to find a guy tranny.

[1089] No, I was that with this one girl.

[1090] Right.

[1091] Sorry about the tranny.

[1092] But I was that with this one girl, and she...

[1093] Hold on one second, because it's getting hot in here.

[1094] I'm going to turn the AC on.

[1095] Continue the story.

[1096] I'm sorry for...

[1097] I'll go slower, Joe.

[1098] I know the story, so...

[1099] Yeah, so she basically was...

[1100] She was the girl...

[1101] Both of them were, you know, my girls for a long time.

[1102] They are down at a restaurant in New York City called Il Bucco.

[1103] which is a great restaurant by the way and I get a call from one of them which is essentially like hey Brian it's it's such and such and such and such and we're hanging out and we really wish you were here and we were talking about you and we were talking telling dirty stories whatever they were saying and I couldn't call back fast and I was like where are you like we're at i do buco I'm like I'll be there I'll be there now I mean I was literally like 20 minutes away and I got down there in five minutes I was at his hand of the cab was like drive faster drive faster I get there long story short because I'm a team player I call my best friend Jimmy Burke I come in at a good time that's it I call Jimmy Burke I say get down here that by the way is always the code for fucking there's something about to go down it always involves pussy get down here he goes be right there he's there in two seconds we're drinking wine I'm fucking getting them all plied up talking about I can see the two of them the two girls are all over each other and I'm like oh you want to used me as a bridge to have an experience with each other how interesting my two old girlfriends who subsequently asked me to have children with them by the way just to use my sperm which was very flattering but i had to say no but anyway so okay so i'm like that jimmy burke goes hey guys let's go back to my i call him the maestro he he goes let's go back to my place let's go back to my place i'll blow the fire got some weed i'll make some fucking chocolate chip cookies how's that sound weed fireplace chocolate chip cookies uh they're like uh yeah okay sounds good we get to the place uh he goes to the kitchen to get like to start whipping up chocolate chip cookies he's bringing out some weed he goes to the kitchen he brings out weed brings out a joint by that time i'm already naked on the bed with the with the girls i'm already naked and he's like what the fuck is this is rocking and i'm like i got my gun and one girl's man i'm like working my balls i'm like look at you i'm like look at him i go to jimmy i go i'd rather be nowhere else in the world right now bro this is the place to me this is the greatest experience of my life literally like i'm living a porn right now and i love them they're both my girls so jimmy's like let me take my clothes off he takes it he looks like a red bumpy pickle by the way he couldn't he's fucking hairless got a piece on him and i'm like that's just not attractive to me but whatever so he's trying to get this girl's pants down he's getting he's trying to he's got a tongue literally that goes literally he could catch fucking flies with the top he's like one of those frogs people don't know what an entertaining dude this guy is he's one of these guys like there's certain people that they go from cradle to the grave and they never become famous and it's a national disaster it's a tragedy we call him the national treasure he's the greatest he's hilarious yeah he's incredible he's a joey dyes type character that's right just one of those dudes it's just fucking hilarious like you're so happy you know him because you're always laugh when you're around because he because he rides around because it's at christmas time He goes, come outside.

[1104] I go, what?

[1105] He's driving down, fucking 57th Street with a cowboy hat on, a down vest in the middle of winter with no fucking pants on.

[1106] And I hear him go, take the holes with poles of Holly Hall.

[1107] And this woman goes, and screams because he's driving, standing up on the pedals, and his cock is going, on 57th Street in the middle of the east.

[1108] I was like, you're the craziest motherfucker.

[1109] He was three blocks away from his house.

[1110] There was a restaurant that we stopped, I stopped going to.

[1111] And I stopped going to this restaurant because the last time I went was with you and Jimmy and the fucking waiter kept interrupting Jimmy's stories with some new bullshit plate that they're bringing over with some fucking description of where the olives came from and how the cheese is cured and Jimmy's telling some crazy fucking post -9 -11 horror story about like hearing the bodies hit the ground and this motherfucker comes over with a plate of cheese this cheese is a book to you from South America and it's it's a type of cheat that yak milking get the fuck out of here man put the stuff down and let's be done with this there's nobody who tells better stories in that guy he's so entertaining nobody in the world it just bums me out with that a guy like that sort of well you know what though he always says he goes the life is my tapestry yeah he just has such a blast he does and he always makes it a good time no matter where that fucking guy is he's he's taking this girl's pants down he's trying to get his frog tongue in there she's she's trying to go down on the other girl so she's more than the other girl and I'm like oh is that my conglary it is you know I'm just a fucking I'm sorry to be this graphic but the point is it was just a fucking it's craziness okay so so he he's trying to get and she stops she goes wait hold on I don't like this you guys need to you guys need to get do something together I don't I don't like this and I look at jimmy we go oh we don't do that I don't do that see I don't fuck around the guys because it's not that I'm I'm just not attracted to the guys and I definitely have a hard on right now and so is my buddy and there's no fucking, that's bad enough we're about two feet away from each other I'm not doing anything with my buddy and this is the girl that Jimmy was trying to eat out right?

[1112] Of course so she's not liking Jimmy eating her out right she didn't know him and she wanted to really she was more into the girl she was into you know so so she says to Jimmy and Jimmy can give a fuck he he doesn't give a shit he's down to go and if he has to fuck me in the ass to get to he's gonna he he he's like this I can see the look in his eyes and he's fucking like let's go let's go what the fuck do you need me to do she was I want you guys to make out we had done it we had done a play we wrote a sketch where we made us a joke and I go no no no I don't make out with guys it's disgusting can't do it I can't do it I had to do it there was a part did you wrote you said you wrote a play that you guys could both make out with you I wrote this play just so we can make out I can't make out what dudes but I did write this play where I make out with dudes and I penned every letter and it's unfortunate that it had to be that way that I had to make out with a guy but I mean that's just that's what I wrote it's what I wrote it's called kissing a boy but the point is this because why is my dick hard right why am I crying why okay it's called why am I anyway so so so before I can even do anything Jimmy goes I'll fucking kiss him get over here you fucking pussy I go to gym I look oh my god he goes me away goes you happy she goes yeah oh oh goes down like that so now i'm back to my girl i'm back to my girl and we're we're locked in and we're making out and all of a sudden i feel the other girls i feel the other girl's ass hand around my ass she goes you feel good brian i'm like yeah yeah feels fucking good you know whatever and all of a sudden i feel like i'm not a i'm not an ass play guy to be honest with you but i feel like like a finger going in my my mud whistle if you will.

[1113] If I can channel Jimmy Schubert, I'm really going in my mud whistle.

[1114] Look, and I don't got a sewer pickle up there, you know what I mean?

[1115] So, yeah, so I'm like, I'm like, um, uh, okay, oh, what the fuck?

[1116] She goes, that feel good?

[1117] I go, oh, I don't, I guess so, you're a girl.

[1118] I, you know, it went in Rome.

[1119] I'm like, I, fuck, oh, and I'm just so into this girl.

[1120] And then and then I feel what feels like a greyhound bus in my ass, you understand?

[1121] A gray hound bus in my ass, to which I go, oh like that exactly whatever i went oh like that and i turn around like this i'm stuck all i can do is i arch my back i turn i go oh like that and my buddy's got his thumb in my ass and he goes like this he goes you fucking pussy oh no you know what happened now let me explain let me explain let me explain let me explain why and how she said to him i'm not going to do anything more i will fuck you but you have to stick your finger in his ass.

[1122] You don't have the balls.

[1123] And Jimmy goes, what?

[1124] I don't have a fucking, fucking, shut the fuck, gang like that.

[1125] Like, I didn't give a shit.

[1126] I was like, hey, guy, I mean, a little something here.

[1127] I understand wanting to get laid, but to stick your finger in my fucking ass, I go, I go, here's the problem.

[1128] I got to tell all my friends now, otherwise we're gay.

[1129] I tell all your friends.

[1130] You can tell everyone in the world.

[1131] You just told half a million people on the podcast.

[1132] Hey, you know what?

[1133] There it is.

[1134] I told my friends in New York, we told the story, they went like this my buddy like jerry macfadden they they they had their hands in their pocket they listened they just went yeah fuck this turn around i walked away wow they went here talk to me shaking their head in a bad mood oh i was i could i fly jimmy out here yes have him on the podcast yes okay the next time you do the podcast let's let's schedule it in like three or four weeks from now somewhere before thanksgiving i love it you come out to do the podcast we'll fly jimmy out from new york if he can do it great idea i'll put him up in a hotel the whole deal you stay out here for a few days okay beautiful perfect i remember the first time i met callan i was sucking his dick and uh wait a minute but you were wearing a blonde right don't you think this show's been gay enough you were wearing it really what made you want to what made you want to take it deeper it was these brain alpha brain i know yeah shit works son hey um have you heard about tray parker and matt stone being investigated by scientology for the last five years have you heard of this for what no i haven't heard anything about yeah well you know they made fun of Scientology and the whole I believe it.

[1135] I believe it.

[1136] Yeah.

[1137] They're very very litigious.

[1138] Has a really big article about it.

[1139] You know, and in some way, and this is going to sound weird because I'm a huge South Park fan and I'm on their side 100%.

[1140] But there's a thing about having a gang like the Scientologist behind you.

[1141] There must be pretty fucking badass.

[1142] I mean, you think about look, I don't buy into any ideology.

[1143] I don't believe anything that you can't show me. I will entertain almost any.

[1144] offer except religions made by science fiction authors.

[1145] There's a certain point in a certain point in time I step away and I go, wait, wait, wait, wait, what?

[1146] But as a group and as a clan, let's call them a clan of people.

[1147] I respect that they fucking stick together like that.

[1148] People love being in solidarity with other groups of people, whether it's Occupy Wall Street, whether it's being a Republican.

[1149] I respect people who have solidarity.

[1150] What I don't respect is when people use, when people use law.

[1151] lawsuits, use litigious behavior to try to intimidate and scare people from taking a look at them.

[1152] I agree.

[1153] I don't know if that's what they're doing in Scientology.

[1154] Well, you know, look, Matt Stone and Trey Parker are, they're too big.

[1155] You know what?

[1156] I know Scientology can shut down some shitty writers or some unknown people or some people that, you know, haven't been established by the media, but those guys have a voice, man. You can't silence them.

[1157] You're just, you're going to make it way worse.

[1158] You start picking on those guys, you're going to make it way worse.

[1159] Nobody can fuck you up like they do.

[1160] Like, what are they doing to?

[1161] Like, what's this?

[1162] Like, are they just pointing magnets towards their house?

[1163] You know, I actually know a lot of Scientologists because I took class at the Beverly Hills Playhouse.

[1164] And for a while there, there were a lot of them.

[1165] And some of the teachers, and one of the teachers there said something really cool.

[1166] He goes, somebody asked me if I was a Scientologist, and he had been for 23 years.

[1167] And he had a good answer.

[1168] He said, have I taken classes there and gotten an immense benefit from some of them?

[1169] Yes.

[1170] Have I taken classes there and gotten nothing out of them?

[1171] Yes.

[1172] He goes, if that makes me a Scientologist, whatever.

[1173] Has Elwan Hubbard's Dianetics and different philosophies helped me a great deal in my life?

[1174] In some ways, yeah.

[1175] And it was kind of a good answer.

[1176] He goes, it's a philosophy that helps me a lot.

[1177] Well, what he did in creating his own religion is he used a lot of excellent principles from a bunch of different ideologies.

[1178] Take responsibility for yourself.

[1179] Yeah, a lot of it is good.

[1180] All the positive things.

[1181] And, you know, and there's something to be said for his way of thinking about reprogramming your psyche and reprogramming your reward system, you know, attitude and belief and, you know, and just just moving forward in a positive direction, very strong, very important aspects to life.

[1182] I think so, 100%.

[1183] I think that, you know, one of the things is just looking at yourself and saying, okay, whatever happens, you can always make an excuse.

[1184] Whatever happens, I'm responsible for every condition I'm in.

[1185] it's a better way to go through your life.

[1186] Well, even if you're not, so what?

[1187] It doesn't matter.

[1188] Nobody cares.

[1189] Yeah, move on from there.

[1190] Nobody gives a shit.

[1191] What the excuse is, you can have the best excuse in the world.

[1192] The problem is the world goes, I know, that's terrible.

[1193] Next, next.

[1194] Well, some people just need an ideology, and that ideology works.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] You know, and I had a next -door neighbor who was a Scientologist.

[1197] He was a nice fucking guy.

[1198] They were a really nice family.

[1199] Listen, man. I always enjoyed talking to them.

[1200] I know a lot of them.

[1201] I've met a lot of them, and I've never had a problem with them.

[1202] But I absolutely agree with you when it comes to, them lawsuits and people critiquing them or criticizing them and them going after people.

[1203] You know, you got to let that shit go, man. And I also think that's probably, you know.

[1204] But they're bullies.

[1205] They're powerful.

[1206] It's a few people in power who are doing these kinds of things.

[1207] It doesn't necessarily mean that everybody, you know, it's not, it's not indictment by the, you know, by a few, right?

[1208] Right.

[1209] Well, you know, I don't know.

[1210] I don't know the real numbers.

[1211] I don't know the real numbers.

[1212] But it is a fascinating thing to me that it is possible to do something like that.

[1213] But it also is very Coen Brothers -esque.

[1214] It's also very much like another piece of evidence.

[1215] It points me into the idea that the entire world that we live in is a work of fiction.

[1216] It's not real.

[1217] It's a part of my imagination because otherwise, why would this really exist?

[1218] Why would actors be so vapid?

[1219] I mean, if you ever met actors when you're on the scene, you're working with them and you go and this isn't even real, there's no, you guys, you went too far.

[1220] This is not believable.

[1221] Did I tell you with Daniel DeLewis, there's a great interview where he said, Daniel DeLewis said the funniest thing because I think he's an incredible actor right so I started like kind of like researching him and stuff I just way he's amazing we've talked about him the podcast a thousand times he goes he said you know you guys want to know about my process he said you know if I stuck flowers up my jack and did cartwheels it wouldn't really matter the bottom line is this I sit around all day wearing somebody else's clothing having somebody else's thoughts saying somebody else's words and trying to believe all of it basically because I am at heart a boring middle class englishman i think he said because i'm ashamed of being basically a boring middle classing it was a great answer because he he looked at the absurdity christian bail they were like why do you lose weight so much and so because i'm a man and i put makeup on and i make believe for a living and i got to make it i got to make it feel like real work you know i got to it's so you know that got getting close to dying when he did the machine that's ridiculous i've never seen a transformation like that you know a lot of people like were i remember back in the day when people were first starting to do that robert de nero was one of the first guys to put on for a movie for Raging Bull.

[1222] And I was like, wow, he really got fat for that movie.

[1223] Like, that's crazy.

[1224] And I read about his diet.

[1225] He was just eating like a regular Italian, just fucking meatballs and pasta all day.

[1226] And, you know, and everybody was like, wow, that's amazing.

[1227] But what Christian Bale did was a thousand times hardy.

[1228] He literally almost starved himself to death.

[1229] He's incredible.

[1230] That guy is fucking incredible.

[1231] Yeah, it's like, you remember that blowout when he was on, they kept playing in on radio stations where he was yelling at some guy on the set.

[1232] It's because the guy in the set's a fucking idiot.

[1233] He's right.

[1234] If you're operating on that level of frequency where you need to really believe that you're in the scene and some asshole keeps walking around tweaking things in your line of sight that's not supposed to be there, it's maddening.

[1235] And everybody knows that one pestery motherfucker that you can work with can ruin the whole fucking shit.

[1236] And you know what, it's his face for the rest of his life on camera.

[1237] But it's hilarious that they released that.

[1238] They released that and look, yeah, he was going crazy.

[1239] But one of the things what he was saying is you're not fucking professional.

[1240] Yeah, he said, he goes, you're a nice guy.

[1241] You're a nice guy, but you're not fucking professional, man. He's right.

[1242] You know, you reach a certain level of intensity, emotional intensity.

[1243] When you do a role like that, again, I'm just totally talking out of my ass.

[1244] I was just in zookeeper.

[1245] It's true.

[1246] Okay.

[1247] I was at a child's movie.

[1248] I hear you're very good.

[1249] I hear you very good.

[1250] But there's a certain intensity that you reach when you're putting yourself into a part like that.

[1251] You see some guy walking around the background, tweaking the fucking lights right in front of your eyes.

[1252] Like, come on, dude.

[1253] Really?

[1254] like what the fuck are you doing Bob put the lights down get the fuck out of here yeah yeah if you're trying to be great which is what he's trying to do somebody is fucking buzzing around you can understand but we allow them to do like a Batman movie you're allowed to do those piece of shit movies in there too make that money son and then come back and do something else crazy he's fucking amazing well there's only a few of those guys you know there's a few of those Russell Crow's out there that really become a different guy you know like Russell Crowe on the insider is one of my favorite movies of his scary fucking movie man when you find out how much of it is based on reality, how terrifying it is, how much power the tobacco companies have.

[1255] And that's sort of like what's going on.

[1256] My thoughts about this whole Octopi Wall Street thing, when you look at banks and hedge fund companies and all these corruption and the financial situation that we have right now, you look at it and you're like, man, these people have been getting away with so much for so long.

[1257] It's like telling them that everything has to be fair now.

[1258] They're like, fuck you.

[1259] Like, I may not get into this to be fair.

[1260] I got into this.

[1261] because I met my friend Tim at school, and he was two years ahead of me, and he brought me out in a limo with Coke and hookers, and they said, listen, bro, we're trading stocks, we're shorting things, we're making millions.

[1262] We got this fucking town wired.

[1263] And you're like, I want in, and then you all get together in the 80s, Gordon Gecko style, and start fucking raping the financial system.

[1264] That's why they're there in the first place.

[1265] They're there to make ass -fuck tons of money through every possible loophole.

[1266] Did you read about one of the CEO's wives who got some of the government, bailout money to start a new business, like $250 million in loans from some fucking guy who's got like billions of dollars.

[1267] It's amazing.

[1268] His wife, he had his wife do it through some snazzy loophole that they engineered into the system.

[1269] You start to feel invincible.

[1270] It's amazing.

[1271] Well, look, the president of the United States, when you know how much they own shit, when the president of the United States says, ladies and gentlemen, poor suffering people of our country, I am going to take billions of dollars of your tax money and I'm going to give it to these cunts that ruin these banks.

[1272] And I'm real sorry about this, but they get bonuses.

[1273] And their bonuses are going to be roughly half of what you're going to make in your entire life.

[1274] It's going to be a half a million dollars is what we're going to put a cap on it.

[1275] That's the cap he was trying to put on it.

[1276] He was like, we're going to put a half a million dollar cap.

[1277] You're like, there's no money.

[1278] Your bank is done.

[1279] You can't give a bonus if there's no money.

[1280] You don't have a bank anymore.

[1281] The reason why you have a bank is because you took our fucking taxes and you threw it back into your system.

[1282] and now everything's spinning and you want to shit out bonuses.

[1283] What kind of contract do you have where you have a bonus when the bank breaks?

[1284] It literally breaks.

[1285] I will say that the bank's...

[1286] But how, I mean, what message are they telling us when the president tells all the poor people of this country where the middle class is falling apart, poverty is an all -time level high...

[1287] I'll say exactly.

[1288] Forty -seven percent of all of Detroit's illiterate.

[1289] I mean, literally the infrastructure, everything's falling apart.

[1290] And he's like, I'm going to limit it to a half a million dollars.

[1291] I was like, what?

[1292] First of all, first of all, he can't limit anything.

[1293] And the other thing is that the other thing is that, I think at the end of the day, the, the, I went to occupy Los Angeles last night.

[1294] What do you mean he can't limit anything?

[1295] Well, well, when you, when you, what banks will say is when you give that money, when you give that tarp money to a bank and they're going to use it for various things, they're using it to operate their business to keep their business afloat.

[1296] And the biggest problem was that these banks came to someone like Obama.

[1297] Well, actually, not to Obama at the Bush at the time.

[1298] He's the fucking president.

[1299] He goes to them and says, listen, no bonuses, you fucks.

[1300] He's not allowed to.

[1301] He's not allowed to.

[1302] Change the rule.

[1303] He wouldn't get away with it.

[1304] In other words, get away with him with who he's the fucking president.

[1305] Who's running shit?

[1306] That tells you.

[1307] The banks.

[1308] He wouldn't, yeah, the banks.

[1309] The banks were too big to fail.

[1310] And that's the biggest problem.

[1311] Oh, that's a philosophy.

[1312] Well, no, but when you have a, when you have a philosophical issue.

[1313] It may be.

[1314] But when you have a bank, when you have a situation.

[1315] situation where most economists are saying that the president, look, the central nervous system of this economy is going to collapse if you don't.

[1316] I'm not saying this is good.

[1317] I understand the arguments for the bailout.

[1318] And the biggest problem is that these fucking, these banks weren't dealing with their own money.

[1319] They were taking risks with your money.

[1320] That is a huge problem.

[1321] It is a huge problem.

[1322] But that's not my point.

[1323] My point is that you have these giant fucking, we bailed them out and they were still giving them bonuses.

[1324] Exactly.

[1325] They were still doling out bonuses.

[1326] It shows you how blatant it is.

[1327] The way they justify it.

[1328] The way they justified it was this.

[1329] They said if we don't give bonuses.

[1330] Then those guys will go to other corporations and we'll go under.

[1331] Yeah, suck my car.

[1332] I will say that the banks have paid back all that money though, which is pretty impressive.

[1333] That is pretty crazy.

[1334] Yeah, they pay it all back.

[1335] It shows you how quick they've been stealing left and right from.

[1336] Good deal for the government.

[1337] Good deal.

[1338] Good government made a lot of interest on that.

[1339] Did they really?

[1340] Yes.

[1341] So every bank is paid back.

[1342] Every bank is paid.

[1343] The money's been paid back and they made a lot of interest.

[1344] So why is the economy fixed?

[1345] The economy is not fixed, I think primarily because...

[1346] It was fake.

[1347] No, I think that, I think that the U .S. is having to compete with China and India and a lot of other countries, and we are truly becoming a global economy.

[1348] And I don't think in a lot of ways the U .S. has gotten ready for that.

[1349] But we're not making anything other than Corvettes.

[1350] What else do we make that's badass?

[1351] We make corvettes and Cadillacs.

[1352] We still, our economy actually still is run on ideas.

[1353] Although I have a Mustang, I have to say it's pretty fucking badass.

[1354] Well, the U .S. exports ideas.

[1355] The U .S. is an ideal economy, and that's a good thing to be.

[1356] Remember, most innovation, by a long shot comes out of the United States.

[1357] Even the Mustang is an idea.

[1358] I have a GT -500.

[1359] On paper, it's a stupid car.

[1360] It's got a manual transmission with a cue ball for a shifter.

[1361] It's got a 540 horsepower engine.

[1362] Oh, my God.

[1363] The tires slide all over the place whenever you hit the gas.

[1364] Tires slide in second gear all the time.

[1365] It's a ridiculous car.

[1366] But it's fun as fuck.

[1367] And it's a truly American car.

[1368] Like you hear it, the engine, the ridiculousness of it.

[1369] The excessive nature.

[1370] All of it and the fun of it.

[1371] It's got a lot of low -end torque.

[1372] You know, you hit that low -end torque on a big fucking V8 with a supercharger.

[1373] You can hear the wine.

[1374] The U .S. exports a lot of their ideas and fun.

[1375] Their culture is fun, rock and roll.

[1376] Yeah, but that's not the only reason why our culture is fucked up, or rather, our financial system is fucked up.

[1377] It's fucked up because of corruption and greed.

[1378] And what you said earlier, which I always say as well, it should be real clear.

[1379] One piece of gold equals one donkey.

[1380] That's my standard way of bringing.

[1381] When you start getting into derivatives and shorting and gambling, I mean, what did That is Vegas.

[1382] You're going Vegas on there.

[1383] You're gambling.

[1384] But then there's also, but there is room, there is room to leverage.

[1385] There is room for borrowing.

[1386] Okay.

[1387] Barrowing and credit, yes.

[1388] But why is there room for things like derivatives and shorting?

[1389] A lot of those derivatives and stuff, back when it was working, a lot of those derivatives and things were allowed people, well, allowed people to minimize risk so the banks would lend money because they could minimize risk with derivatives.

[1390] And as long as that was self -contained, you know, derivatives put a lot of, put a lot lot of wealth back in the system.

[1391] I think what happened ultimately was a lot of economists and historians are starting to talk about this was also a function of the rise of the east.

[1392] It was also a function of the fact that other countries were buying and investing in the U .S. housing market.

[1393] Think about it.

[1394] If you have big, big central banks who are saying, we want to buy your housing debt.

[1395] What happens?

[1396] That means I can bundle mortgages and sell them at a profit.

[1397] Guess what?

[1398] It makes it a lot cheaper.

[1399] Now when people get a mortgage, it's worth something.

[1400] Of course, I'm going to lend you a mortgage for no money.

[1401] I can make money on the mortgage.

[1402] I can sell it to Germany.

[1403] And a lot of it was that.

[1404] A lot of it was people in this country, a lot of whom you and I know, who said, I'm going to start treating my house like it's a commodity.

[1405] Not like it's a place to live, but rather a way to make money.

[1406] And that was pretty fucking rampant.

[1407] So a lot of this was human overreaction to a new set of rules, to a new world.

[1408] And just fucking human nature.

[1409] And human nature.

[1410] When they find holes in the system.

[1411] And Brian, you were saying that you went to Occupy Wall Street?

[1412] What was that like?

[1413] Yeah, it was exactly what I thought I was going to be.

[1414] What was crazy is that I have these combat boots, like those Safari combat boots I bought at a surplus store.

[1415] So did they think you were a government tour?

[1416] Yeah, I decided to wear them because of that reason.

[1417] Oh, really?

[1418] Yeah.

[1419] I don't know, just for fun.

[1420] So you wore government -issue boots so they would think that you're a bad guy.

[1421] Yeah, just to see what would happen.

[1422] And so amazingly, I got a parking spot right across the street from it.

[1423] Yeah, none of them have cars.

[1424] no no it was like this cop car pulled out right when I got there and so like all these people were kind of you know like bored sitting on the lawn staring at me so I come up and there's like people getting their tits painted and I'm like this is awesome yeah that's good and then immediately I pull up my phone and this guy comes up right up to me and goes hey man can I have a cigarette like right in my face like like he looked like Charles Manson and I was like oh shit this is yeah sure get out of my face you know and then I keep on walking I'm looking at my phone now I'm kind of freaking out a little because I'm by myself and it's It is a little, I mean, I don't know if you've ever been downtown Los Angeles.

[1425] It's kind of scary downtown Los Angeles.

[1426] Yeah, we filmed a lot of Fear Factor episodes down there.

[1427] Yeah.

[1428] So there was kind of like this element around that area that's like, hey, there's a new apartment complex opening up for the homeless people type thing.

[1429] You know, it was because it was like a village.

[1430] Right.

[1431] They had first day.

[1432] They had libraries.

[1433] They had, you know, there's donations coming in that feed, like this whole entire, like, block, you know, the state capital building or whatever.

[1434] Right.

[1435] And, uh, then this.

[1436] other guy kind of staring at me and he comes up to me and goes hey man can you check the score for me and I'm like uh score for what and he goes Pittsburgh and I'm like uh I have no idea what he's talking about like I'm like uh so he's asking check it on your phone yeah and people are asking people to Google shit for them now yeah yeah so it's not can I get a cigarette it's not good enough now can you Google me the score I don't have a cell and the whole time he's like staring my phone down so I think maybe he saw my government issued boots and was like trying to figure out because I had like a shaved head like a military haircut oh really The coat from taxi driver or whatever, you know?

[1437] Well, obviously, we had Kevin Pereira from Attack of the Show on here the other day, and we were talking about agent provocateurs, government people who are sent in to break up calm protests and turn them into violent protests that they can bring them in and fucking arrest everybody.

[1438] It's common tactic.

[1439] It's smart, really.

[1440] They get tired of all these fucking hippies and their banjos.

[1441] So this guy's kind of freaky me. So they look out for them now.

[1442] I've been impressed with how, when I hear the Occupy Wall Street people, a lot of them are people who are actually educated who just can't find a job.

[1443] And they're trying to find the answers themselves.

[1444] That wasn't really the case as much as I thought it would be.

[1445] This was mostly...

[1446] By the way, we're not in Wall Street.

[1447] This is Los Angeles.

[1448] No, no, no. This is Los Angeles.

[1449] There's a lot of weird...

[1450] Outscheats.

[1451] LA doesn't really have a financial...

[1452] I mean, it's a small financial district, but it's not like...

[1453] It's not like, yeah.

[1454] I don't even know where you would occupy downtown Los Angeles.

[1455] He's got clothing companies.

[1456] They go near government buildings.

[1457] So this guy's, like, kind of freaking me out.

[1458] Like, it's like checking me up and down and stuff like that.

[1459] And I'm like, all right, this is kind of sad.

[1460] That's what you get for trolling.

[1461] I know, I know, but then my friend who's running the live stream and all the media coverage of the whole place, he called me over and so kind of rescued me. And so I go through this, like, rap.

[1462] My friend, C. Hang, he's C. Hung on Twitter.

[1463] So there was a rap battle going on on stage because there's entertainment throughout the day.

[1464] There's speakers.

[1465] There's like local musicians and comics, you know, like Jeffrey Ross.

[1466] Yeah, I saw Jeff do us at.

[1467] Yeah.

[1468] And so it was cool.

[1469] I sat there and watched this rap concert for a while where people were handing off the mic and this homeless guy was like looking guy was like balancing like pop cans on his head while rapping I was like wow you don't say this every day you know so it was like the entertainment value is pretty sweet smelled like be oh though like crazy and then they took me through the media event where they do all the live interviews and all the media stuff and it's all like generators and solar collectors and then there's tons of computers and then this this girl just out of nowhere comes up to my friend see and was like hey I want to donate these laptops and gave her like three laptops and I was like wow this was really badass I need to start occupying Burbank outside of Best Buy or something you know and get some shit uh oh Brian Brian you silly goose but then they took me through the whole thing and it was like drums drum circles there was like it seemed pretty cool and I guess the I've never seen a good drum circle never been there where I'm fuck this is this place this is a spot to be right yeah and if anything it seems like the more I walked around I did see like the people trying to sit down and come up with solutions and ideas.

[1470] So you did see the good part of what's, but the majority of it was just like, it looked like a bunch of dead heads.

[1471] I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[1472] I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[1473] I think that's just going to be the case, no matter what, with any sort of a movement.

[1474] But this is a very exciting time, man. There's never been a time where this many people have got together and had a peaceful demonstration.

[1475] Pooping in the shit.

[1476] Shitting in the street is not exactly peaceful.

[1477] There's a little bit of violence involved in that.

[1478] But, you know, they're shitting all over the fucking.

[1479] street.

[1480] You go anywhere near Wall Street, New York.

[1481] Yeah, yeah.

[1482] It's shitting everywhere.

[1483] People are human.

[1484] It smells like human shit everywhere.

[1485] I felt like such an ass because I had a tin can and there was those three different colors of trash cans, like the green, the black and the blue.

[1486] Oh, I'm sitting there going, which one is it?

[1487] Green is, great, green is grass, blue.

[1488] What's blue?

[1489] That's, wait, no, it's like water bottles and this is a can.

[1490] Is it black?

[1491] Do I just throw it?

[1492] So I'm like trying to figure it out.

[1493] It's color coated?

[1494] They didn't have, like, didn't say recycling or garbage.

[1495] It was a green trash can of blue.

[1496] Oh, that's ridiculous.

[1497] I think it's supposed to be, you're supposed to know the colors.

[1498] Human shit.

[1499] still bothering you?

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] They shit everywhere, man. Well, they have to.

[1502] You know, there's a lot of people sleeping there, but people have their kids there and everything.

[1503] They have porta -potties.

[1504] This is, yeah, and sometimes sometimes they can't.

[1505] It was really clean.

[1506] Okay, but again, we're talking about the Los Angeles one.

[1507] Las Angeles one is a different animal than the New York one.

[1508] New York one, man, the videos in New York one, they're really shocking.

[1509] And here's what's really crazy.

[1510] Wall Street has, not only have they donated $4 .6 million to the police, but they also started hiring the police, something that most people don't know, you can hire a police officer for roughly $37 an hour.

[1511] So all these Wall Street firms are hiring tons of cops, off -duty cops, to do paid work there.

[1512] And they work as a police officer with a real badge and a real gun and the real ability to arrest.

[1513] But they're working for the bank.

[1514] So it's a loophole where these are police officers, but they're doing the bidding of the bank.

[1515] They're doing, they're working for the bank.

[1516] They're not like the bank says, hey, police officers, can you organize your own police presence around this area and, you know, put as many police officers as you see fit, and I guess you guys work for the state, and, you know, maybe we'll throw in a picnic for you and we'll help generate some money to pay for all this extra revenue that's going to cost you.

[1517] It's like they pay them.

[1518] They're paying.

[1519] It's like Blackwater.

[1520] They're paying the cops.

[1521] They're paying the cops.

[1522] So they tell the cops where to go.

[1523] It's nine.

[1524] It's fucking crazy.

[1525] I didn't know that was legal.

[1526] It's, yes, you think it shouldn't be.

[1527] But it was a, I don't, I think Cotch, Mayor Cotch, came up with that.

[1528] I think it was in the 90s that they had that.

[1529] I think the biggest, you know, people have always had that, though.

[1530] I think the biggest threat facing all of us as far as this whole situation talking about this.

[1531] I think the real enemy is that we are slowly, or maybe very quickly, losing our representative government.

[1532] And what I mean by that is that this government, and James Madison warned about this, he said the one thing you have to be careful of in a democracy like this, special interests.

[1533] Because the Constitution says you are allowed to petition your government.

[1534] That's a constitutional right.

[1535] It should be a constitutional right.

[1536] The problem is that our country now is being run by small bands of very energetic, well -financed fanatics.

[1537] And when you are a representative in the House of Representatives, if you are a congressman, if you are even a senator, but especially a congressman, you don't do a goddamn thing unless you check with that lobby, unless you check with the people.

[1538] people that finance your campaign and the people that have real power in Washington are fundraisers and lobbying groups now James Madison said what's going to happen is these lobbyists will offset each other with their different and it'll be competing interests and stuff hasn't happened in fact what seems to be happening is that some of these groups have so much fucking money and if you look at Potomac where they all live or just Washington area that is that is the highest per capita income in the country why do they produce