De-Escalate & Discipline A Defiant Child: My Best Podcast Ever

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[24] Hey, everyone, this is Kirk Martin, founder Celebrate Calm.

[25] Today's podcast is going to be awesome, especially if I can nail this one in one take, because there's a lot to this, and we're going to go through de -escalating situations and handling discipline in a way that I bet is very, very different than anything you have ever heard, and partly because with these kids we're dealing with, with the strong -willed kids, they do escalate a lot.

[26] They are very emotional, and we tend to just go immediately to consequences.

[27] but consequences don't work for your strong -willed kids.

[28] And every single parent, every single teacher, all the schools, we just train like 800 teachers in Parsipany, New Jersey.

[29] And everybody always wants to know, well, what consequence can we give?

[30] Look, consequences usually don't work for a few reasons, but one of them is this.

[31] Consequences are rational.

[32] If you do this next time, here's the consequence.

[33] If behavior was rational, the jails would not be filled with people.

[34] people, right?

[35] Because we all do things for all kinds of different emotional reasons.

[36] So, thank you for listening, by the way.

[37] We get emails every day.

[38] Hey, heard your podcast.

[39] And it's cool because we can see where people are listening all over the world.

[40] And we're getting more and more requests to come speak overseas, which we'd love because Casey and I are huge history geeks.

[41] And so I know we've spoken in the Czech Republic and Germany before.

[42] We would love to serve the military bases overseas.

[43] I'm I'm currently reading books about Ukraine, Romania, and the former, or the Balkans, just say the Balkans.

[44] If we ever had a chance to speak over there, I'll come do it.

[45] So just reach out to my son.

[46] His name's Casey, C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com, and just tell us where you are, tell us the name of your school, your city, again, not just overseas, but anywhere in the United States to North America.

[47] Just let us know.

[48] We love doing live events.

[49] This example is something that I have been sharing at live events a lot more because it feeds into this whole presentation on de -escalation and discipline.

[50] And so I want to share it with you.

[51] So here goes.

[52] One of the most common triggers for men is as a dad when I used to hear my son yelling at my wife.

[53] And that was a huge trigger for me. So here's how it usually plays out.

[54] and then we'll show you a different way to handle it.

[55] And by the way, for all of these situations, we can show you in detail lots of different ways to handle.

[56] It's just on a podcast.

[57] I'm going to show you one way, and that's why I want you listening to the audio CDs, the downloads, the physical CDs, whatever, because I can show you like 15 different ways to handle this with all the different variations because I have a lot more time on the CDs, but on podcasts, they're just going to show you one way.

[58] So this is an example of a husband and wife, but there are situations where mom or dad is home with a child alone.

[59] Well, how do you do this when you're alone?

[60] I can show you how to do that, but just kind of roll with the principles here.

[61] So walk into the home, hear my son yelling my wife, what's going to happen?

[62] I walk into the room.

[63] Hey, Casey, how many times have I told you you don't yell at your mother?

[64] You know, when are you ever going to learn how to control your mouth?

[65] If you can't control yourself, how are you going to be successful in life?

[66] You know, to your room.

[67] You know, for the rest of the week, no video games, no food.

[68] Because, of course, I was a dad, and I'm a dad.

[69] I give consequences I can't keep.

[70] Anyway, my son would march off, sobbing, crying up to his room.

[71] I walk away feeling like, hey, I just stuck up for my wife.

[72] And you know what my wife's thinking?

[73] No, you didn't.

[74] You just ruined the whole evening.

[75] Because now it's going to take me two hours up in his bedroom, calming him down, trying to explain that your father doesn't hate you even though he is.

[76] yells at you.

[77] And so I see my wife's disapproval and I think, what?

[78] You know what?

[79] You told me you want me to be more involved.

[80] I try to help out.

[81] It's never good for you.

[82] All you ever do is criticize.

[83] Fine.

[84] You know what?

[85] You guys be better off without me. And then I walk away.

[86] And I know that doesn't happen to your house, but it does.

[87] So the other thing, the other resentment that I have is that I look at my wife and think, why are you being so soft?

[88] Why are you letting him get away with things right there's all these resentments that come up between the husband and the wife and that's a whole other story but i talked to a couple on the phone i did a phone consultation today and honestly you know what it came down to the issue wasn't the kid it was mom and dad aren't on the same page if you can't get two adults working things out in the home i guarantee your kids are going to take advantage of that and that's not their issue that's yours be a grown -up you've got to learn how to do this stuff.

[89] It's why you had kids.

[90] Not so you have white picket fence and everything's awesome.

[91] We have kids because, look, it's training them, it's teaching them, but it's not just yelling at them and expecting that they're going to do everything you say the perfect way.

[92] That's not life.

[93] That's a fantasy.

[94] That's not reality.

[95] Anyway, so let me show you a different way.

[96] Big, big principle.

[97] Before you address the child's behavior or misbehavior, you have to de -escalate the situation.

[98] otherwise what happens every time you know you need to you need to calm down right now young man does that ever work no it always escalates right and we always escalate or we'll do this you know one more word young man one more word and that's a trigger for your kids say word right and then everybody's going to be furious so we're going to deescalate one of our favorite phrases one of our favorite tools to calm kids down is this.

[99] It's called motion changes emotion.

[100] I can spend a whole two hours on that.

[101] We go through that in the Defiance Disrespective Meltdowns CD set because you've got to learn how to use movement.

[102] Movement is a tool that helps the child go from being really intense to being calm.

[103] Just saying, honey, use your words, use your words.

[104] That doesn't work.

[105] You know why?

[106] Because here's what your kids are thinking.

[107] You don't want me to use my words right now because I'll get suspended or grounded for those words.

[108] You can't process language when you're upset.

[109] In fact, usually the more you talk when kids are upset, the more upset they get, right?

[110] It just doesn't work.

[111] By the way, I'm not a huge fan of, honey, let's talk about our feelings.

[112] Most people don't want to talk about their feelings.

[113] There's nothing wrong with that.

[114] And in the marriage, I want you to be vulnerable with each other and learn how to express your most.

[115] and deal with that.

[116] But in this situation, he doesn't need to talk about his emotions.

[117] In fact, I don't even need to know what his emotions are because I know what they are.

[118] He's angry and frustrated.

[119] That's why he's yelling at his mother.

[120] What the child needs right now is for someone to show him how to deal with his emotions, how to handle the frustration, not talk about them.

[121] So, different, let me give you a couple options.

[122] There are hundreds, but here are a couple options.

[123] Now, I'm going to come into the room is the dad.

[124] And by the way, mom, if you're home alone with the child, you can use the same process and the same principles.

[125] It's just going to look and sound differently, but I don't have 20 hours now, right?

[126] I'm just going to do this example.

[127] Dad's going to bring some intensity into the room.

[128] Dealing with strong will kids, you're not going to become a Zen master and just talk silently and like this all the time, because I guarantee you when your kids are upset, if you start talking like Gandhi and you use this voice, it will infuriate them because they won't think you're taking it seriously.

[129] So I'm going to walk in with some intensity, but my intensity isn't directed at the child.

[130] It's for the child.

[131] It's directed to problem solving.

[132] So I walk in.

[133] Hey, Casey, listen, I can tell you're frustrated.

[134] Listen, I'm going to grab the football, soccer ball.

[135] When you're ready, if you want to come outside, I'll play catch with you.

[136] Hey, Casey, tell you're frustrated.

[137] Listen, I'm going to go in the living room, dump the Legos out.

[138] When you're ready, we'll love for you to come in.

[139] Let's build one of those cool spaceships that you love building, or that cool robot you've wanted to build.

[140] And then I move, and watch what I'm doing.

[141] I'm moving and I'm leading him.

[142] This is huge.

[143] You can't come in and yell at your kids.

[144] You need to calm down.

[145] You're not trying to change his behavior right now.

[146] You're leading him to a calm place.

[147] You're using movement to lead him to a different, physical and psychological place.

[148] No, I am not rewarding the child by playing with Legos or playing catch.

[149] In the moment, he is yelling and screaming.

[150] He can't even think right now.

[151] He's completely out of control.

[152] And what I'm doing is I'm giving him something he can be in control of.

[153] Again, some of these things, we could spend a whole 10 minutes on just getting a child going from being out of control to giving him ownership and something he's in control of.

[154] And that's what I'm doing now because now we're doing something tangible, tangible and physical.

[155] We're playing catch with a football, a soccer ball, something he enjoys doing.

[156] It's physical.

[157] Where I'm building with Legos.

[158] I don't know how to calm down.

[159] I'm angry and I'm frustrated and just talking to me doesn't work.

[160] But when I'm manipulating something with my hands, something tactile, and I build something concrete like a robot or a spaceship, that's calming to me. as the dad, as the parent, I want to strangle this kid right now.

[161] I do.

[162] I'm frustrated.

[163] And being calm doesn't mean that you're some Zen master, right?

[164] It's like, oh, things don't bother me. No, that's what alcohol does, and we don't want that.

[165] So I'm frustrated.

[166] Listen, when I hear my son yelling, I'm frustrated.

[167] I'm angry at him.

[168] But rather than reacting to him, I'm leading him.

[169] And I'm doing something by throwing a ball, building with Legos myself, sitting on the floor.

[170] I'm inviting this child into my calm place.

[171] I'm inviting him into a different place and watch what I'm communicating in all of this.

[172] And this is important.

[173] I'm leading him, but I'm also showing him this.

[174] When your world is out of control, mine's not.

[175] I can handle you at your worst.

[176] And I could stop the podcast right now, and this would be enough for you to meditate and think about.

[177] When your child is out of control, is this a message that you're sending?

[178] to him?

[179] Listen, your world's out of control right now.

[180] I've seen this.

[181] I'm done this.

[182] I'm a 35 -year -old guy.

[183] I can deal with this.

[184] I'm a mom.

[185] I can deal with this.

[186] Because you know what we usually send the message of?

[187] Kids are starting to get upset.

[188] We get upset.

[189] Now you've got a little kid or a teenager looking up and he's already upset and his world's out of control and he's looking up at the two parents he has.

[190] They're freaking out.

[191] Guess what he knows?

[192] Uh -oh.

[193] We're in trouble because I'm a kid.

[194] I know I don't know how to control things, but now I've got two parents who are yelling.

[195] Look, You've got it.

[196] I really want you to dig into this stuff.

[197] I want you to be purposeful and intentional.

[198] It's not just about listening to a couple podcasts and saying, like, okay, I'm going to do better next time.

[199] It's not that I need you to dig into this stuff.

[200] And I want you to become very purposeful.

[201] I want you to study it.

[202] I want you to put as much time into learning how to control yourself and do things differently as you have put into either building your career or trying to change your kid's behavior.

[203] Look, I'm being honest with this.

[204] The reason that I want you to get this, we have these audio CDs that you can get as downloads, physical copies, whatever, so you can share with other people is, I want you to have the investment because I want you to make it a priority.

[205] I want this to become a curriculum.

[206] I have a lot of homeschooling families that will use this actually as their curriculum for a semester to learn how to create a whole new family dynamic.

[207] And it's not about taking them to a therapist who fixes them.

[208] Most of your kids don't need to be fixed.

[209] Some of you are wasting a ton of money.

[210] taking your kids to a therapist, talk about their feelings.

[211] And I'm not diminishing the work of therapy because I go to a therapist, I believe in therapy, but for many of your kids, that's not what they need.

[212] You've got to learn how to change yourself and learn how to do this in the home, not at some office somewhere.

[213] And I want you to dig in.

[214] I want you between now and the holidays and Christmas and the New Year, say we're going to listen to this, we're going to work at it.

[215] And I'm going to wake up every day and say, I'm going to be in control of myself and not anybody else.

[216] I'm going to learn how de -escalate a situation.

[217] I'm going to learn how to talk to my spouse and get on the same page.

[218] As a single mom, I'm going to learn how to handle these situations when I've got two or three kids in a home and I'm outnumbered and everybody's freaking out.

[219] And instead of me freaking out and not knowing what to do in the moment, I'm going to study this and work on this.

[220] I'm going to listen to it again and again.

[221] And my kids are going to listen to it.

[222] We're going to listen to the car.

[223] We're going to have conversations.

[224] And we're going to finally, finally, finally change our family because that's the only way it worked for me. was to be intentional about this and say, I am going to change.

[225] So, back to our situation.

[226] So now I've let him, we're doing something outside.

[227] We're sitting there.

[228] Huge point.

[229] Instead of sending the child to his bedroom away from me, I've drawn the child to me. Look, sometimes when you're starting this, you have to separate your child, right?

[230] Hey, go to your room.

[231] You need to calm down.

[232] I need to calm down.

[233] There's nothing wrong with that.

[234] But ultimately, watch what we're doing.

[235] When your child is upset, at the very point he needs you most, we tend to send him away from us.

[236] And in that moment, it's when I want to bring the child to me. For those of you whose faith is important to you, I would encourage you with this.

[237] When we are having struggles, God doesn't say, you know what, you've got a bad attitude.

[238] Go figure stuff out by yourself and then come talk to me when you have a better attitude.

[239] And I think what he says is, you're clearly out of control.

[240] You don't know what's going on right now.

[241] You need my wisdom.

[242] I've got wisdom that I can give you, come to me. And as parents, the two things you'll hear me say at the live workshops is, I want to give our kids wisdom to know why they're doing what they're doing, wisdom, insight to know a different way to handle it, and tools, tools to do it differently the next time.

[243] And when I've sent the child away from me, I can't do that.

[244] I've drawn him to me. Look, single mom or a mom alone at home or dad alone at home, I'm still going to in the middle of a situation say, hey, this isn't working right now, and I can tell you're really frustrated, but listen, we've got to go.

[245] So here's what I want you to do.

[246] Go get your backpack, go get your shoes on.

[247] We've got a roll, but on the way, on the way the doctor's office, on the way to school, here's what I want to know, here's what I want to hear.

[248] And I'm engaging the child on giving some intensity to them in the moment.

[249] It could be while I'm cooking, dinner.

[250] Look, I know you're frustrated right now.

[251] I can hear it, my friend.

[252] I can hear it.

[253] Listen, it's not happening right now because I've got to finish dinner.

[254] But here's what I'd love some help with.

[255] If you could go get X, if you could do, and I draw them into something they're interested in, here's what I would love to hear about right now.

[256] You talk not, I'm being a little bit facetious here, you talk nonstop about this certain thing that's all you ever talk about.

[257] And I'm curious, could you tell me right now, why are you so fascinated?

[258] by that subject.

[259] What is it that really interests you about that?

[260] Why is it so appealing?

[261] Because I want to learn about you and I want to find that out.

[262] Look, you're still using some intensity and they're drawing them to you, but you're handling it a different way.

[263] So back to our situation.

[264] I'm outside playing catch.

[265] I'm on the floor.

[266] I'm connecting with my son.

[267] I'm calming him down in the moment because we're both building the spaceship playing catch.

[268] A good catch, good arm.

[269] I've de -escalated and we're both calmed down.

[270] Part of the reason I did that, that was, I need to calm down myself because I want to strangle the kid.

[271] But I'm playing catch with a football.

[272] I'm building with some Legos.

[273] I've drawn him out to my workshop.

[274] Whatever it is that you like to do, I'm listening to music with him.

[275] I just did something really physical because my son loves doing things.

[276] So I just went and jumped on a trampoline.

[277] I did push -ups with him.

[278] Whatever it is is calming to you.

[279] I'm doing that with my child now.

[280] Now we're both in a calm, steady state.

[281] Now let's transition and we can go to discipline.

[282] So how do we discipline in this situation?

[283] So it's going to be some deep stuff that I'd love.

[284] So a couple, a conversation may unfold like this.

[285] Hey, Casey, listen, that thing back in the house with your mom that was going on.

[286] Here's what I know.

[287] I know that you know yelling at your mother is inappropriate and wrong and doesn't happen in our home.

[288] I love that phrase.

[289] By the way, notice I'm modeling the tone, calm even matter of fact.

[290] I'm just talking to him like an adult.

[291] Son, here's the deal.

[292] You know, Talking like that's your mom, if that's your mom, not working in our home.

[293] Not a lot of words.

[294] You listen to your kids don't need long explanation.

[295] You know, son, you know, it's not respectful when you talk to your mommy like that.

[296] We do that little, I just hate that whole tone.

[297] It's kind of a lecturing, hectoring tone.

[298] And it's so in a way condescending.

[299] Look, your kids already know that yelling at the mother and their parents is wrong.

[300] And so part of the thing is I'm acknowledging.

[301] Look, I know you know that's wrong.

[302] You know why I like that phrase?

[303] Because it's the opposite of what we usually do, which is, what were you thinking?

[304] How many times do I have to tell you?

[305] Because those phrases literally mean, you're an idiot.

[306] True?

[307] So I don't want to do that.

[308] I know you know that's wrong.

[309] Look, your kids already know what they're doing is wrong.

[310] That's why they lie.

[311] Kids lie because they know they did something wrong and they don't want the consequence.

[312] So, in order to not get the consequence, they lie, try to make you think they didn't do something wrong or they come up with an elaborate story.

[313] So don't worry, the lying's not the issue.

[314] So, I know you know that's wrong.

[315] It's very settling for kids to know that, and it just takes you in a different path.

[316] So we keep going.

[317] I know you know that's wrong.

[318] Here's what else I know.

[319] I know that you know, yelling at your mom brings dire consequences.

[320] Because you always get sent to your room.

[321] you lose all of your privileges.

[322] You're just acknowledging, look, you're teaching them.

[323] So here's what happens.

[324] Every time you yell at, Mom, you lose all your stuff.

[325] So I'm curious.

[326] You've heard me use the I'm curious phrase before because it's beautiful.

[327] I love I'm curious.

[328] I'm curious says I want to help you.

[329] It's not, look, picture this situation.

[330] Usually it's me against the child.

[331] What were you thinking?

[332] How many times do I have to tell you?

[333] You know, it's all of our frustration dumping on the child.

[334] and I'm curious as saying look I know you know this is wrong you lose all your stuff and so I'm curious what would compel you to do that what else is going on inside of you because it doesn't make sense that you would come home from school and just yell at your mother knowing that you know you're going to lose all your stuff so I'm curious because I want to help you figure out what's going on underneath there so we can get to a different outcome so that makes sense Instead of me against you, it's me coming alongside my child.

[335] And here's where we go a lot deeper.

[336] If we're honest with ourselves as teachers and parents, a lot of times we make behavior about us, right?

[337] And here's what it is.

[338] We're facing off against child.

[339] Why do you keep doing this?

[340] I'm tired of this.

[341] I don't know why I have to repeat myself.

[342] And we make it all about us.

[343] And it's not about me. I'm a grown adult.

[344] My job is to give my child wisdom and tools and I get that they're frustrating.

[345] I get it.

[346] I get it.

[347] I get it.

[348] We had 1500 frustrating kids in our home over the course of a decade.

[349] I get frustrating kids who don't listen the first time and who do this stuff.

[350] But you've got to stop taking it personally.

[351] It's not about you.

[352] It's about the child, right?

[353] So instead of making it about me, look, the reason, the reason I wanted me, son to stop yelling at my wife.

[354] It wasn't for me and it wasn't for her.

[355] We're grown -ups, we can take it.

[356] The reason was I wanted to free my son, to liberate my son from the bad behavior because when he used to yell at my wife, I knew it wasn't good for him because he would go to his room and start beating himself up.

[357] I'm dumb.

[358] I'm stupid.

[359] Why do I do that?

[360] And you're kids have a lot of shame inside.

[361] Why doesn't my brother ever do that?

[362] I'm the only one in a home.

[363] I'm a screw up.

[364] What's going to happen when dad gets home and he hears that I did this?

[365] I'm going to be in trouble and lose all my stuff.

[366] Because that's why after your kids are calmed down, right?

[367] Because you know this.

[368] Once they calm down later, they'll calm down.

[369] Mom, dad, I'm sorry.

[370] You're like, but why did you do that?

[371] I don't know.

[372] And the I don't know is verbalizing shame of like, I'm an idiot.

[373] I do stupid stuff.

[374] And I get in trouble and lose all my stuff.

[375] Look, your kids don't wake up every morning thinking, hmm, what are three different ways I could lose all my privileges and make everybody in a home not like me?

[376] Seems like they do, but they don't.

[377] It's not what they're doing.

[378] And so it's up to us to give them some wisdom.

[379] And so the reason that I want to change my child's behavior isn't for me. It's because I loved my son.

[380] I still love my son.

[381] But when he was living, I loved my son, and I wanted to liberate him and free him from doing this so that he didn't have to go through the ick inside and all the consequences and lose everything and grow up, feeling helpless.

[382] Man, this is a good podcast.

[383] There's some deep stuff in here.

[384] Sorry about that, but sometimes I get insight when I'm speaking.

[385] They feel helpless.

[386] So I already wrote the word shame down.

[387] We could spend an hour on their shame.

[388] they feel helpless to change and honestly I'm not beating you up and there's no guilt manipulation and blame in anything we do it's just that you've got to own your stuff and our kids feel helpless to change and we come along just say cut it out go to your room you lose this there's your consequence and all along they're pleading with us please just show me a different way to do it I don't even know why I'm doing it I'm an idiot so does this make sense sense it's really a cool deep thing but again you've got to dig into this so in this situation here's what i know about many of your kids the reason they came home come home and yell at mom or dad whoever's home is because they spent all of their energy at school holding it together and they held it together at school so they didn't yell at their teachers and didn't get in trouble and they're wound up so tightly and then they walk in the home and then all of a sudden when they walk in the home, they just unload on their mother.

[389] And the workshops, I'm not going to do it here because I've got to keep these things short.

[390] There are things you can do after school to de -escalate the situation right when your child walks through the door or right when you pick them up from daycare or when you pick them up after school or when you come home from work and get them.

[391] There's ways that you need to de -escalate the situation rather than asking them, hey, how is school?

[392] Why don't you get your homework folder out?

[393] I'll check your homework and I'll stand over you for three hours and say, you know what?

[394] If you would just focus, you could be done in 45 minutes instead of taking three hours.

[395] There are different ways to handle these things.

[396] And most of your kids, they get overwhelmed at school.

[397] And if you will listen to the ADHD University program, even if your kids don't have ADHD, just kids who are different learners and their brains are wired differently.

[398] I love that program.

[399] I wish every psychologist, every school would hand out that program to their teacher.

[400] and parents.

[401] Schools would be drastically different.

[402] If we just gave kids with different learning styles and different brains, different ways to do their work, instead of always shaming them, making them feel like there's something wrong with you because you don't do it the way I told you to do it, right?

[403] So listen to that.

[404] So look, so once we've done that, so in that situation, here was the consequence in that situation.

[405] I wasn't going to send my son up to his room.

[406] There were two consequences, and I would say like, case, listen, I know you know the right thing to do now, right?

[407] I know you know the right thing to do.

[408] Which he knew, which was to go back inside or to go back in the kitchen and apologize to his mother.

[409] He knew that because now I had calmed down and I made it easy for him to apologize rather than, you need to apologize to your mother right now.

[410] Because now I'm forcing an apology versus saying like, I know you know the right thing to do.

[411] He'd go and apologize.

[412] So here's the consequence.

[413] Okay, so I'm not sending it to your room.

[414] what I want to spend time with is I want to show you how to deal with your frustration so why don't you grab your back go you're going to apologize to mom grab your backpack we're going to go out through the front door we're going to go outside and we're going to practice coming through the front door but I'm going to show you how to do it in a different way I'm going to show you three different ways to deal with your frustration with that feeling of being overwhelmed so that tomorrow and the next day the next day and the next day and the next day, and every day when you come home from school, upset, you know a different way to calm your emotions.

[415] Does that make sense?

[416] It's a cool thing.

[417] It takes, in some ways it takes a little bit longer the first time you do it, but not really, because yelling at your kids and getting upset takes like the entire night, and for some of you, the entire childhood.

[418] And so what I'm doing is instead of just barking consequences, hoping that tomorrow when he comes home and he's upset that in the moment, somehow rational, he's going to put all this together.

[419] Instead, I'm showing him so that tomorrow, when he literally walks through that same door that we walk through, he has two or three different tools to help de -escalate himself, to calm himself down, different words to use with his mother so he doesn't mess up and yell at her again.

[420] It's so worth it.

[421] So I want you to listen to this stuff, and I want you to really imply it.

[422] So here's the thing.

[423] I've recorded this.

[424] This is right before Thanksgiving.

[425] I'm doing a special thanks.

[426] Thanksgiving special because I want between now and Thanksgiving, between now and the end of the year, I want us to get really focused.

[427] I want the Christmas gift to your kids to be.

[428] I can control myself.

[429] I can deal with you.

[430] I can give you tools to succeed.

[431] So we're doing a special.

[432] If you go on our website, you'll see a page at celebrate calm .com.

[433] And you'll see a page that says get everything.

[434] And that's everything we've put together.

[435] I don't know.

[436] I think it's about 30 hours worth of very awesome instructional things telling you what to do, how to do it from everything from motivating kids to disciplining kids to de -escalating, handling defiance, handling sibling issues.

[437] Because some of you don't have, some of you, the biggest thing is sibling issues.

[438] We have a whole program on sibling issues.

[439] And so there's a coupon code that I want to get on Strong World Kids.

[440] It's on, look, it's on everything.

[441] You'll find it there.

[442] I think it's, I think it's like 10 programs, 30 hours worth of material.

[443] So there's a coupon code.

[444] We usually don't do coupons because I like people paying full price for our stuff.

[445] You know why?

[446] Because it's worth it.

[447] And because you spent way more than this on therapy and brain balance and all kinds of other programs that haven't worked.

[448] So I have no problem of people coming to our website and paying full price for our CDs because they're worth it because it'll change your family tree and change your home.

[449] But there's a coupon code I want to give you.

[450] And we don't, we haven't done this all year.

[451] But here's the coupon code.

[452] Save 200.

[453] So in all caps, S -A -V -E -200.

[454] When you go in and you click on get everything we have, there's going to be a coupon code.

[455] And it's S -A -V -E -200, and it will automatically take 200 bucks off of that.

[456] And that's a lot.

[457] you're still going to have an investment in our CDs, but we're taking 200 bucks off, which is the most we have ever done.

[458] It's just what Case and I decided after our last road trip.

[459] We thought we'd do this as a special Thanksgiving program, but it's limited.

[460] We're not going to do this forever, and we've limited the number of people that are going to do this.

[461] The first people that we're going to announce this to are on our newsletter list through Celebrate Calm, because they get the newsletter first and they get this, and then people who listen to the podcast.

[462] So I encourage you, if you want our stuff, if you really want to change your home, use that coupon code save $200, and you will save $200, which is a ton.

[463] And listen, here's another note.

[464] Many of you came out to our workshops in the past few weeks.

[465] People have, we've had dozens of people buy the full package at $475 or a much higher price than you're going to pay with this coupon code.

[466] And I know people are like, but we paid more.

[467] I'm like, I'm okay with that.

[468] I know.

[469] But it was worth it.

[470] It was worth it that you paid that for it.

[471] And if you need help with like a phone consultation, you'd need help.

[472] And some of you have bought other things from us, not the whole package.

[473] If you want help completing your entire package so you get all the CDs, because many of you don't have the sibling fights one or the ADHD University.

[474] Email my son.

[475] He's at Casey, C -A -S -E -Y at CelebrateCall .com.

[476] Or call 888 -506, 1871.

[477] Tell me you want to complete your set and he'll help you out and he'll give you a special pricing.

[478] I want people to invest in our stuff and when you invest in us, we invest in you and we will be with you until your kids are grown and we will help you with every different life stage.

[479] We're here for the long haul.

[480] We want to help to reach out to us.

[481] But I encourage you to spread this.

[482] Please share our podcast with other people.

[483] Let us know how we can help and serve you.

[484] That's what we exist for.

[485] We have the best jobs on the planet because we love helping people and we get to do that.

[486] So I want you to implement this.

[487] So I hope for all of you.

[488] I hope your kids come home in the next few days and they yell at you or have a big meltdown so that you can practice this while it's fresh.

[489] In fact, why don't you go right now and just say no to your child or incite them, take away their video games and incite them so that you have a big meltdown?

[490] And you can practice it like literally right now.

[491] I'm kind of kidding, but not really.

[492] I hope you do this.

[493] Anyway, thank you for listening.

[494] Thanks for investing your time.

[495] Thanks for being a good parent.

[496] If you want us to come to your city, your country, let us know.

[497] We'd love to bring our live workshop to it and meet you in person.

[498] Thanks so much.

[499] Bye -bye.