163 - Nine Cocaines

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Go -bye.

[16] Hello.

[17] And welcome.

[18] Welcome.

[19] This is my favorite murder.

[20] The podcast, that's Karen Kilgara And that's Georgia Hard Star That's right, it's raining today Oh, you should see it in Los Angeles Everybody and the rest of the All of the world Yeah There's people right now in Stockholm, Sweden Are they okay?

[21] Wait, is it Sweden?

[22] I think so I don't trust anything that comes out of my mouth 100 % ever I'm gonna go with 100 % But I'm also constantly talking Is kind of...

[23] So half of it's gonna be fucking wrong Just like with the...

[24] I know, math really well.

[25] Half is always wrong.

[26] Half and then with me, you can add another 45 % on top of that.

[27] You know, you know places I know math together.

[28] Ding dong.

[29] We're fucking Steve Jobs.

[30] 25 % is the same as 100.

[31] Let's not dwell on the past.

[32] Look, in the future, we're going to be, we're going to be so accurate that this podcast won't be good.

[33] You know what I mean?

[34] Yeah.

[35] I don't.

[36] Boring.

[37] No one's asking us to tighten up our game.

[38] No. Because who wants that?

[39] Speaking of, what do we now call, what do we call?

[40] Speaking of, it's time for corrections.

[41] What do we call a correction of a corrections?

[42] Corrections, corrections corner?

[43] Corrections squared.

[44] Dude, that was amazing.

[45] Thank you.

[46] I've done it for a living.

[47] So, Lizzie and for me, last way I corrected myself of the to -da list, which everyone's sick of.

[48] No one needs to hear it anymore.

[49] Oh, right.

[50] Okay.

[51] But it's my favorite.

[52] I love it.

[53] It's a to -d -d -lis.

[54] Don't just write a to -do list.

[55] Write a fucking didalist.

[56] of shit you've accomplished today in your life, you know, whatever.

[57] The positive lens that you look at things through.

[58] Exactly.

[59] Totally.

[60] Positiveity.

[61] We love it.

[62] Positiveity.

[63] Originally, I fucking said Gayle King did it.

[64] The following one I corrected it.

[65] I said someone else did it.

[66] Okay.

[67] I was incorrect.

[68] Oh, oh, okay.

[69] Lizzie wrote Georgia, sorry, you're wrong about that.

[70] Julia Cameron is the person who did the stah list.

[71] And she's an author who wrote The Artist's Way, which Lizzie is obsessed with.

[72] Yes, she is.

[73] Lizzie Cooperman, our good comedy friend.

[74] Our good, I thought you were going to say our good buddy, which would be so odd.

[75] But Lizzie Cooperman literally does morning pages still, to this day, every morning.

[76] Yeah, the artist's way.

[77] You know what?

[78] Read it.

[79] Sorry.

[80] I just interrupted you four times in one moment.

[81] I just remembered my mom gave me the artist's way.

[82] When I moved to L .A., I've taken it with me every time I've moved.

[83] It's just one of those books that's always in the thing, and I've never read it, and I'm going to.

[84] Do it.

[85] Was she the kind of mom, this is when my mom is like who will write something in the big, like sign it, like she wrote it?

[86] Yes.

[87] Are you going to cry?

[88] I just remember that I bet you if I open it, she's going to have said something really inspiration.

[89] Oh, my God.

[90] Will you please let us know?

[91] Yes, I'll bring it in.

[92] Also, my mom was real being into cards.

[93] Yeah.

[94] She would send you a card for no reason.

[95] Did she?

[96] It would just be like, dad and I went down to, you know, the blah, blah, blah last night.

[97] Miss you.

[98] Hope you're doing good.

[99] And she also, if you needed a card.

[100] she would always go, do you have a card?

[101] And we'd be like, no. You're supposed to have a card for this fucking occasion.

[102] For everything.

[103] And she'd go upstairs and have her choice of like 40 cards.

[104] There's a thank you.

[105] There's a this.

[106] I tried to be that person for a while, but it's really hard.

[107] So I just got blank cards and now I have them.

[108] Well, those are good because what she would do is I think she started folding into her like things I have to do today.

[109] One of the things would be like stand in the CVS or the Longst drugs in Petaluma and just read some funny cards and buy them if she felt like it.

[110] That's adorable.

[111] Yeah, she's pretty good about that.

[112] Yeah.

[113] That's such a mom thing.

[114] I know.

[115] I'll never have it.

[116] I hate cards so much.

[117] Maybe it's because my mom would just sign her name to some fucking card.

[118] And then she'd like, did you read it?

[119] Like, well, you didn't fucking write it.

[120] Why would I read it?

[121] Moms.

[122] Fucking mom.

[123] Okay, so I have corrections corner.

[124] You've corrected a correction.

[125] Yeah.

[126] Squared.

[127] I have, I would like to turn this into apology corner.

[128] Great.

[129] Because when we were talking about Olivia Coleman last week, You said, oh, she was on that Mitchell and Webb look, which is a sketch show that the guys from Peep Show did before they did Peep Show.

[130] And I said, no, she wasn't in that voice.

[131] You did?

[132] Well, I just said no. Or I was like, oh, she was in Peep Show.

[133] Well, I didn't want, I've seen two sketches from that Mitchell and Web look, number wang and the one where...

[134] Number wang is so good.

[135] It's the best game show of all time.

[136] And then the Nazi sketch where David Mitchell plays a head Nazi that goes, are we the baddies?

[137] He realizes that Nazis are bad as a Nazi.

[138] It's amazing.

[139] So she was on it.

[140] And a bunch of people were like, Karen, you said no, to Georgia, but she was right.

[141] So you were right.

[142] Okay.

[143] I never even knew I was told I was wrong.

[144] But I love this feeling.

[145] I negated you.

[146] So I thought because Olivia Coleman, we love her so much, we've loved her for a long time.

[147] I thought it might be fun if we also had Olivia Coleman Corner.

[148] And we just went over just very lightly, just so we know about Olivia Coleman.

[149] Do you have her IMDV there?

[150] Yeah, I sure do.

[151] I mean, it's even printed out.

[152] Oh, my God.

[153] Let's fucking get into Olivia Coleman.

[154] Let's make her be our best friend.

[155] Please.

[156] You know our best friend, Olivia Coleman.

[157] I mean, if anybody deserves to have a coroner anywhere, it's Olivia Coleman.

[158] She has been a journeyman actress for comedically and dramatically, which not very few people can do.

[159] The thing she does on Broadchurch and the thing she does on, show are it's the one woman and yet she's doing the full range and she had the fucking wearwithal and foresight to wear a fucking dress to the oscar yes that's right with pockets in it yeah she had pockets her fucking gown had pockets she had pockets she's one of us one of us one of us let's do it she hates us serry you take out that oh which part when i just said serri which is not a fucking word or name please don't take that out do not remove that it's getting it's already it's getting drunk in here it's getting just digging and we're literally four minutes in okay Sarah Caroline Olivia Coleman great born January 30th 1974 is an English actress recipient of several awards including an Academy Award so that's this has been very recently updated they're on it four BAFTA Awards two Golden Globe Awards and the Volpe Cup for Best Actress that's not a real thing yeah that's given out at the Petaluma restaurant Volpe's and it's a cup of Jameson's whiskey that they give you for being a good actress.

[160] I want to win it.

[161] That's my goal in life.

[162] I've won it so many times.

[163] She was a graduate of the Bristol Old Vic Theater School, came to prominence for her work in television, her breakthrough as Sophie Chapman on the Channel 4 comedy series peep show, which went from, I didn't know this, 2003 to 2015.

[164] That show was on for fucking 12 years.

[165] You guys watch it.

[166] It's great.

[167] Oh, it's so good.

[168] She was also on the show Green Wing, which my friend Michelle Gomez was on and is hilarious on.

[169] Green Wing is a great British comedy series.

[170] We're offering you all these good shows.

[171] Beautiful people.

[172] Rev. I just recently rented Rev or got it or whatever.

[173] It's so good.

[174] And it's Olivia Coleman is the wife and the husband who plays the reverend.

[175] He's like just like a reverend of a church.

[176] Not like revving up your motorcycle.

[177] Kind of the opposite.

[178] It's rev down.

[179] Down.

[180] Your coolness.

[181] It's the guy that plays the, like, priest cousin in Pride and Prejudice who comes and is, he's my favorite, one of my favorite British actors.

[182] He's so good.

[183] He's basically like a male Olivia Coleman, really.

[184] She's won BAFTA's for Best Comedy Performance.

[185] She's fucking, oh, and then, of course, she won for Broad Church, Bafta for Best Actress in Broadchurch, which is a fucking straight -up heavy drama.

[186] True crime, right?

[187] True crime.

[188] She got a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress for the Knight Manager in 2016.

[189] That's Bill Nyee, I believe.

[190] Why would I even?

[191] All right.

[192] So we'll have an Olivia Coleman corner, but that'll just kick us off.

[193] Facts.

[194] If you don't know her, get to fucking know.

[195] No, you do.

[196] She's our new mascot for my favorite murder.

[197] Congratulations.

[198] Mascot might be slightly gone to say.

[199] It is.

[200] You're right.

[201] She's our new leader.

[202] She is our leader.

[203] She's our CEO.

[204] She's our patron saint.

[205] That's right.

[206] I have a question.

[207] Did you watch Leaving Neverland?

[208] No. Don't do it.

[209] Don't do it?

[210] Do it.

[211] It's terrible.

[212] It was one of those things where Vincent, I were like, so excited to go watch it.

[213] We got home or started watching it.

[214] And he goes, I don't want to watch this anymore, like halfway through because it's terrible.

[215] So depressing.

[216] And I was like, me too.

[217] This is horrible.

[218] And snuffed back up later.

[219] Retended I was a normal human being and didn't like to hear the most fucked up things you've ever heard in your life.

[220] I mean, I will definitely watch it because.

[221] I made the whole writer's room at Baskets one day looked through all the police pictures when they went into Neverland of those mannequins.

[222] I don't remember those.

[223] There's the weird shit in the house.

[224] I was like, hey, has anyone ever seen this?

[225] And then I'm just going through and there's, it's just a house filled with...

[226] Like eight locks on each door.

[227] Horrifying.

[228] The show is fascinating, incredible.

[229] It's awful.

[230] And I just feel for these two men with all my heart.

[231] Wait, no, is it a Netflix documentary?

[232] Do you know?

[233] It's a documentary.

[234] I think Netflix bought it.

[235] And so it's a two -part documentary.

[236] No, wait, HBO now.

[237] There we go.

[238] HBO now.

[239] Or where, HBO, whenever.

[240] Or wherever you find your Michael Jackson documentary.

[241] Here's my next one.

[242] Because the fish I was talking about on the last episode was the red hand fish.

[243] I actually interacted with several people on Twitter about it because people go, is this the fish?

[244] And they were all excited.

[245] Is it this salamander?

[246] Is it this?

[247] whatever.

[248] And I finally had to look it up.

[249] It was hard to find.

[250] Um, it's called the red hand fish.

[251] Just the one that I saw at the, um, aquarium that I was at.

[252] But you tripped balls on because it had hands.

[253] It was holding.

[254] But then people started sending me a meme.

[255] And there is a meme out there of this exact fish.

[256] So yes, all the people that sent me the meme going, is this a fish?

[257] Yes, you're right.

[258] It's the, it's the fish holding, uh, it's arms out between the two rocks.

[259] and then the meme and just up on top it just says excuse me rocks oh my god and it's fucking hilarious and yes that is the fish I know it is the red hand fish that's what I looked it up as could have a more official name because the one in the meme is yellow oh my god isn't that but isn't it the weirdest thing Stephen's showing us a photo of him he's disturbing me excuse me rocks so yes this is the fish we were talking about last time everyone's right back on Twitter because as far as I know, I don't ever do anything wrong.

[260] Instagram, maybe one person will comment something other than...

[261] Yeah, you got to jump on Twitter and just people let you know.

[262] I actually responded to that Olivia Coleman because the Olivia Coleman message that she was actually on that Mitchell and Web look came in, I would say it like 7 .30 a .m. And then I just, I wrote back, wow, the corrections corner's starting early on this one.

[263] You got to know.

[264] Yeah, you got to know.

[265] got to be told don't we like it we do also just i am so behind on my true crime TV there's people who constantly are like have you seen finding neverland have you seen whatever these shows are that come out and i'm i would say i'm five behind god which ones are there that we need to watch i mean oh dude there's one yes what were you going to say no i i mean the list goes on it's like all the ones everyone's already talked about this one where this girl gets kidnapped by her neighbor Yes.

[266] It is the most fucked up fucking show I've ever seen.

[267] What is it called?

[268] Hold on.

[269] Abducted in plain sight.

[270] Yes.

[271] I think you actually told me about it.

[272] Yeah, I text.

[273] I think I was one of those.

[274] Are you watching this right now?

[275] I'm freaking the fuck out because I was alone.

[276] Yes.

[277] And I just figured that you'd happen to put it on the exact same Friday night that I was alone at home drinking white wine.

[278] We should have done that.

[279] Sometimes it happened.

[280] Yeah, it does happen.

[281] I just didn't know how fucked up it would be.

[282] And listen, there's aliens.

[283] It's just so, it's similar to finding, leaving Neverland because it's like, why didn't the parents do anything?

[284] Right.

[285] Well, you know what's funny?

[286] I have listened to people talk about this and quietly smiled and nodded my head because I haven't watched it.

[287] And every time I go to watch anything, all I want to do is watch the Sopranos.

[288] I'm almost through the rest of, oh, I get it.

[289] Season six.

[290] Like, I don't want to waste my time on this thing.

[291] I don't want to go to, I'm in this kind of like weird mafia violence yet philosophical on we.

[292] I don't want to go into child molestation.

[293] I mean...

[294] It's very triggering and troubling.

[295] And awful.

[296] And awful.

[297] It's what we all pay attention to.

[298] I mean, it's just fucked up and it's cautionary.

[299] Yeah.

[300] Yeah, it's a lot.

[301] It's a lot.

[302] Yeah.

[303] It's...

[304] People need to know this is how it happens.

[305] Right.

[306] They need to know.

[307] They should know.

[308] All right.

[309] Speaking of true crime.

[310] Speaking of true crime, Olivia Coleman, her alma mater is Homerton College in Cambridge I was hoping you get to that one I'm hoping you get to that everyone at home was like come on we all have a little bit bingo that we're playing is she going to say what college she went to talk about her first college not just her theater school that's right what did she do in 2017 we want to know pockets pockets pockets I need that B -I -N -G -O that O -C -B -I -N -G that's right with pockets Hey, this is exciting.

[311] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[312] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[313] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[314] Who killed Saz?

[315] And were they really after Charles?

[316] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[317] This season, murder hits close to home.

[318] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[319] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[320] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[321] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[322] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[323] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[324] Goodbye.

[325] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[326] Absolutely.

[327] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[328] Exactly.

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[341] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

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[343] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[344] Goodbye.

[345] You're first, right?

[346] Am I?

[347] Stephen says yes Now I can't remember who told me to do this This came Through a conversation I was having I don't think it was a listener on Twitter anything But if I'm wrong I have the blind faith that someone will let me know I hope to God But when it was suggested by whoever I feel like it was more personal conversation In real life But I can't tell anymore Could have been my friend Gigi What if I'm doing it today?

[348] Because I was like, I'm going to do this one.

[349] Don't do it.

[350] And I was like, sounds great.

[351] I will do it.

[352] It is, do you ever watch Hogan's heroes in your life?

[353] A little bit.

[354] Well, you know, Hogan was murdered.

[355] Oh, yeah.

[356] This is the murder of Bob Crane.

[357] Good one.

[358] Never done this one before.

[359] Very good one.

[360] I don't think I've seen Hogan's heroes.

[361] I'm a little too young.

[362] Yes.

[363] It was old when I was young and I'm old.

[364] Vince mentions it sometimes up until yesterday.

[365] I thought the movie Cannonball Run was the movie Cool Runnings.

[366] So I'm not up to date with your fucking 70s and 80s shows and movies.

[367] I will say this, because if I'm right, Cool Runnings is about the Jamaican boss team.

[368] That's correct.

[369] John Candy is the coach.

[370] It's a fucking great movie.

[371] It's a great movie.

[372] It's fun to watch.

[373] It's on cable all the time.

[374] The actors are great.

[375] the story is based on a true story everything about it is feel fucking good super stupid that I thought they were the same thing no that is stupid just kidding no no no no I love it but okay where were we I'm not sure wait cool running and what was the other ones heroes what was the one you thought though running running.

[376] Canaanball run.

[377] Thank you, Steven.

[378] Oh, my God.

[379] Canaanball runs.

[380] This is the beginning of the end.

[381] Wow.

[382] I mean, I have the wine I can blame.

[383] I don't know.

[384] I got nothing.

[385] So, okay.

[386] So basically, when I was growing up, these were the reruns from 70s television or late 60s television that were on like local cable.

[387] Nash and then.

[388] Exactly.

[389] Sounds so boring.

[390] And it's incredibly boring when you're young, especially because, Because it was still at the time, I would watch Hogan's Heroes when I was still young enough to be like, this is boys TV.

[391] It's not girls TV, so I don't want to watch it.

[392] Dad TV, I'm bored.

[393] This is boring.

[394] And it's army stuff.

[395] But it was actually a comedy that was essentially based on the Steve McQueen movie, The Great Escape, which is about prisoners of war in World War II.

[396] Amazing.

[397] Now I'm like, okay, I'll watch that.

[398] And it's a comedy.

[399] It's the one where like, it'd be like, what was the, Hogan?

[400] It was like a big, fat German guy that would come in and yell at them.

[401] And the Nazis, of course, were very stupid.

[402] And then they would, they basically got out and did whatever they wanted them when they'd go back into prison and be like, we're here in prison.

[403] Why didn't they just leave?

[404] Because the show just kept getting renewed.

[405] Got it.

[406] So the guy that played Hogan and Hogan's heroes, he, even if you didn't watch a show and even if you're really young, he had this face, like, if you saw him, because he always had the hat and he had the leather bomber jacket.

[407] And he had a real, like, cute kind of like, you know, wise acrey face and he was just like all right sounds good and then he'd go down like a shoot or whatever got it trap door 70s right 70s he was super fucking famous yes in the 70s and 80s in the late 60s 70s I would say because this show went from I believe like 71 to 76 or something like that okay okay so it was like when it was on reruns it was on reruns with flipper oh my god this is um channel 44 San Francisco everyone's favorite channel 70s 80s Channel 44.

[408] That was like the cable we dreamed of.

[409] Like, oh, if that comes in, it'll be great.

[410] Because you could get your flipper and you could get some Hogan's Heroes.

[411] And then you get the monkeys, which was like the best.

[412] Rest in peace, Peter Tork.

[413] You were a genius.

[414] Yeah.

[415] So this was in that mix.

[416] But I didn't, it wasn't my pick because it was like dudes strategizing on how to break out of the prison for the night.

[417] And little Karen was like, make love not war.

[418] I was like, where are the make love shows?

[419] because I'm more of a Cinemax gal.

[420] Exactly.

[421] I'm not into war.

[422] Karen already was a fucking war protester.

[423] No, I was anti -war and I was pro doing it.

[424] And any information I could gather about that.

[425] Absolutely.

[426] I would like to know.

[427] I'm on that.

[428] And that's why my favorite movie is Summer Lovers, starring Peter Gallagher and Daryl Hannah.

[429] Dirty Dancing over here.

[430] Put all that.

[431] That's all on the recommendation list.

[432] Okay.

[433] So let me just tell you a little bit about this.

[434] Bob Crane is born July 13th, 1928.

[435] Oh, you've A. Yeah.

[436] In Waterbury, Connecticut, he's the youngest of two boys, and he grows up in Stanford, Connecticut.

[437] He's a talented, charismatic kid.

[438] When he's 11 years old, he goes to the 1939 World's Fair, and he sees drummer Gene Krupa play.

[439] And I don't know if you've ever heard of Gene Krupa, but he was like, this shit drummer, big time.

[440] And so, in having watched that performance, Bob Crane is like, now I want to be a drummer.

[441] Yeah.

[442] And so he gets to.

[443] because this was back when they were actually like arts programs in schools.

[444] So he picks up drumming, he has a tremendous amount of promise.

[445] He starts playing with friends and bands.

[446] He joins, when he gets to high school, he's in the marching band, jazz band, and the orchestra.

[447] Dude, love those drummers.

[448] He's like, right?

[449] They just hold shit down.

[450] He ends up then playing for the Connecticut and Norwalk Symphony orchestras.

[451] Oh, famous.

[452] As part of their...

[453] Can you believe it?

[454] I can't.

[455] He made it for their youth orchestra program.

[456] So he's good, obviously.

[457] He graduates in 1946 from Stanford High.

[458] He then works as a watch repairman in sales clerk at a local jewelry store.

[459] Another talent.

[460] He's good with his brain.

[461] And hands.

[462] Hand eye coordination.

[463] But then also real small.

[464] He enlists in the Connecticut Army National Guard.

[465] May 20th, 1949.

[466] he marries his high school sweetheart and Tersian and together they have a son and two daughters.

[467] So then he moves to Hornell or Hornell, but I think it's Hornell New York.

[468] Like Hormel, Hornell, Hornell, Horenell, Chile, New York.

[469] Yeah, got it.

[470] So he can work at a radio station called W -L -E -A.

[471] He moves around from job to job in radio and then finally in 1956 he moves to Los Angeles to work at the CBS affiliate, K -L -L -E -Aviliate KNX out here as their morning radio show.

[472] That is our favorite radio station out here, everyone.

[473] When George and I both tune in to KMX, does it still exist?

[474] No, I've never heard of it before.

[475] A three -lettered radio station?

[476] That's from before.

[477] So he becomes, he's the morning show radio host.

[478] They retitled the old morning radio show, the Bob Crane show.

[479] And it immediately takes off and he becomes known as the king of the Los Angeles.

[480] airless airwaves.

[481] He's the original podcaster.

[482] He really is.

[483] He did impressions.

[484] He did really good impressions.

[485] He later became known as the man of a thousand voices.

[486] And yeah, he had just, he was, he was there Ryan Seacrest back in the day.

[487] Got it.

[488] And on his show, he interacts with a slew of notable musicians and actors and other celebrities.

[489] At one point, he even gets to face off with Gene Krupa in a drum battle as like some promotional thing.

[490] That's a little disrespect.

[491] respectful.

[492] Does he let him win?

[493] He better fucking have lost on purpose.

[494] Although Gene Crippa, I think, would have just handed him his ass and said thanks so much for the radio time.

[495] That's true.

[496] So Bob Crane remains in radio for 15 years until 1965.

[497] And he makes a name for himself as a trailblazer in the field.

[498] And actually, they say the art of sampling can be attributed to Bob Crane.

[499] How?

[500] Because the way he...

[501] He was fucking ripping and scratching on those fucking one -chews?

[502] Well, it was less radio, I mean, it was less record scratching and more that he would cluster commercials, songs, commentary news into one seamless program.

[503] So it wasn't the stoppy, sturdy thing.

[504] Like, he was trying to kind of blend it all together.

[505] Never stop listening, essentially.

[506] Because he gets so popular and he's like so well known, he gets offers from various TV producers to change the morning radio show into a TV show.

[507] But he decides he doesn't want it just to be like.

[508] He doesn't want to be a host.

[509] He wants to act.

[510] And so he declines all those offers.

[511] But K &X knew that Bob was going to want to act.

[512] So they forged a no acting clause into his five -year contract.

[513] What dicks.

[514] What do they fucking care.

[515] Sorry, I'm angry contracts.

[516] They want some contract issues.

[517] I've got some issues right now.

[518] Some sensitivities.

[519] So by 1961, when the contract is up, he renegotiates.

[520] And he has the no acting clause lifted.

[521] And then unlike anyone else in Los Angeles, he goes and tries to become an actor.

[522] How special.

[523] But he actually does great because he has, as I said, that really great, but also kind of like any, every man face, the great voice.

[524] He gets some small gigs on the Twilight Zone, the Alfred Hitchcock Hour, and then he lands a guest starring role on the Dick Van Dyke Show in 1962.

[525] Fucking sweet.

[526] Yeah.

[527] And then that, of course, because that's some high -level shit, that show was humongous.

[528] And from there, he gets a one -off role on the Donna Reed show, but is so popular that then they give him a, it becomes a recurring role, the character of Dr. Dave Kelsey.

[529] So that's how he kind of breaks into TV on Donna Reed.

[530] So he, for two years, he is the morning radio DJ on K &X, and he has his show, he has his part on the Donna Reed show.

[531] So he stops, he leaves the Donna Reed show in 1964, and then in 1965, he lands the starring role on Hogan's Heroes as the host, as the hero of Hogan's Heroes, Jerry Hogan.

[532] I just realized I never looked at.

[533] Jerry Marie Hogan, get out of that prison camp.

[534] So Hogan's Heroes is a huge hit.

[535] It runs for six seasons.

[536] He gets two Emmy nominations.

[537] for it.

[538] And then in 1965, he starts to have an affair with his fellow Hogan's Heroes actor, a woman named Cynthia Lynn.

[539] So his family's at home, obviously.

[540] This is a very common thing in show business.

[541] As they get filled with the success and the fame, you know, everything changes a little bit and it's the old things are better here than they are at home.

[542] So apparently this was his love interest on the show and when they would kiss on the show and then the director would call cut, they would just keep on kissing.

[543] Gross.

[544] Right?

[545] So everybody at the show knew that basically they were having an affair.

[546] It was very open on the set.

[547] But to his family and then to the press and everyone else, he was this wholesome family man, the doctor from Donna Reed or whatever.

[548] What a dick.

[549] So Cynthia would later note that Bob, when they were having their affair, showed this fascination with cameras.

[550] And he would often ask to photograph her nude.

[551] She consented, but it was part of it.

[552] Just earmark that for later.

[553] I'm doing it.

[554] When Cynthia leaves the show after the first season, the affair essentially ends.

[555] That's how you know it's true love.

[556] If you're not close by anymore, you're out.

[557] They forget about you.

[558] Yeah.

[559] So then another affair starts in 1968 with his co -star, an actress named Patricia Olson, who had a different stage name, but that was her real name.

[560] Is she one of the Olson twins?

[561] She was Mary Ellen's older sister.

[562] She was one of the Olson twins.

[563] Not the one of the famous ones.

[564] She's the fourth Olson twin.

[565] Fourth iteration of, okay.

[566] Yes.

[567] She's the pre -quil.

[568] NyQuil.

[569] Oh, God.

[570] So, it's on with Patricia.

[571] Let's get it.

[572] Let's do it.

[573] Let's get it on.

[574] That goes on for two years.

[575] Finally, Bob divorces his wife in 1970.

[576] Right before their 24.

[577] first wedding anniversary.

[578] Oh, well, what a dick.

[579] Yeah.

[580] He saved it up.

[581] Um, then he ends up marrying Patricia Olson on the set of Hogan's heroes later the same year.

[582] Tucky.

[583] Super cheesy and cornball.

[584] Okay, so the next year, um, Patricia gives birth to their son, Scotty.

[585] And then, um, a little while later, they adopt a daughter named Anna Marie.

[586] Um, so then...

[587] Have they named the middle name after his own middle name?

[588] That's right.

[589] Bob Marie, Crane So...

[590] Sorry, I'm interrupting me way too much.

[591] Okay.

[592] So Hogan's Heroes gets canceled.

[593] Then Bob works on various films, TV shows, and theater performances.

[594] And 1975, they actually give him on NBC, they give him his own show for a little while called the Bob Crane show, but it only lasts for 13 episodes.

[595] Listen, it's happened to a lot of us.

[596] Don't be ashamed.

[597] That's a lot more than...

[598] A lot more than...

[599] most right those ones that start and immediately stop yeah yeah those are my favorite tv shows where you're like i've seen this billboard up on on barum i've been having to stare at it for four months and they're not going to take it down for eight more no but still they only aired two episodes oh it's a tough town it's a real tough contracts so so oh contracts oh contracts then in 1977 bob and patricia split up he continues acting but of course the heat of Hogan's heroes and everything else is slowly starting to die it's the thing that nobody ever thinks about in Hollywood many many people come here they have some success and they're like good I'm set forever up up and away people will always love me this exact much oh no they fucking won't you I know Karen you've been reminding me of that since we fucking started this podcast please don't forget this love is temporary please don't get to detached I can't let you get hurt like I've been hurt Um so of course And he's also like he's he's he's basically Hogan from Hogan's heroes Yeah people aren't that interested in seeing him in anything else I mean has anyone watched BoJack Horseman it's the same fucking story It's my favorite fucking show It's the story of Bob Craig without the murder So okay so um so the career is dwindling a little bit And then in 1978 And this I think is like It reminds me of, did you watch the movie Soap with Robert Donnie Jr. and Sally Field and Kevin Klein?

[600] No, but I know what you're talking about.

[601] Okay, because it's good.

[602] And let's put that on the list of recommendations.

[603] That's what, Stephen, our eighth film recommendation of this episode.

[604] We'll call this one, Film Time.

[605] It's a great movie and it starts Kevin Klein is doing Death of a Salesman in Florida in like a dinner theater in Florida.

[606] know for old people that talk that will be yes one day it will be and we will love it and we will fucking succeed at it the second all of this begins the downslope yeah i start drinking again and i won't give a shit what happens great we'll do all arthur miller plays in tallahassee it's gonna be amazing we both are going to be a death of a salesman right okay and there's going to be so much more swearing than arthur miller that's a guess ever intended to be in his play okay so in 1978, he's cast in a run of beginner's luck at the Windmill Dinner Theater in Scottsdale, Arizona.

[607] Oh, God.

[608] Yeah, it's tough.

[609] That hurts me. And it's not that, like, it's within the decade of one Hogan's Heroes is canceled.

[610] So, this is true pain, Hollywood pain.

[611] Yeah.

[612] This is where you really have gone off the, you're no longer invited to the big party.

[613] Pretty quick.

[614] Yeah.

[615] It's rough.

[616] And the other thing too is he had built such a, It's a huge career.

[617] Yeah.

[618] It's a lot of...

[619] And he's clearly insanely talented, but here we are.

[620] So he's doing some dinner theater in Scottsdale, Arizona.

[621] And while he's there, he moves into the Windfield Place apartments.

[622] That's the Oakwood of Scottsdale.

[623] I would think.

[624] Dude, the Oakwood's in the fucking Michael Jackson documentary, by the way.

[625] Is it really?

[626] If you're in L .A., you know what we're talking about.

[627] Otherwise, that's what I'm on.

[628] Otherwise, look it up.

[629] Okay.

[630] So on June 28th, 1878.

[631] Bob fails to show up for a lunch meeting.

[632] So one of his cast members from Beginner's Luck comes over to see to his apartment to check on him.

[633] And it's a woman.

[634] And she goes into the apartment and finds Bob's dead body with an electrical cord tied around his neck and he's been bludgeon to death with something.

[635] Police are called obviously.

[636] Obviously.

[637] obviously and no doi you can tell I'm reading I'm so bad the reading voice is so different no you're doing great so the police get there they theorized that Bob has been bludged to death with a camera tripod but it's never proven but that's just what they believe they make that up or there was like a bloody tripod in the room there's no reason they just made it no it no it's because of the other stuff they find in the apartment okay oh so yeah it's very telling You're right.

[638] And then remember the other thing I told you about the other girlfriend and the pictures?

[639] Naked Fotos.

[640] Tasteful nudes.

[641] Right?

[642] They search Bob's home for clues.

[643] But at the time, the Scottsdale Police Department was really small and had no established homicide unit.

[644] So they weren't equipped to handle a murder investigation.

[645] You know what I'm going to say?

[646] What?

[647] Well, there hasn't been a murder around here.

[648] It's 25 years.

[649] Which someone pointed out is a very short amount of time.

[650] Oh, yeah.

[651] We know that now.

[652] Yeah, it feels long.

[653] Yeah, I'm saying it in an old voice, but it's actually a very...

[654] You're a minor.

[655] It's recent.

[656] You're a pioneer from, what is it, 1993.

[657] Yeah.

[658] Did I get that right?

[659] I think you did.

[660] No. Math.

[661] Go on.

[662] I don't even know how to...

[663] I wouldn't know how to put that math together.

[664] Well, I only know that because I was born in 1980, so it's a nice even number to be like, oh, I'm 38 now because it's...

[665] Oh, it's 2019, isn't it?

[666] Wow.

[667] Math time.

[668] Go on.

[669] And now math time's over.

[670] Literally when I sat here trying to do that math, I just saw a big nine and a big three.

[671] And there's no actual help.

[672] Me neither.

[673] Okay.

[674] So, here I am on this page.

[675] So the search of this apartment yields almost no evidence except because there's no sign of forced entry, no valuables of install.

[676] but the police do find an extensive collection of homemade videotapes.

[677] Uh -oh.

[678] 1973.

[679] So this is...

[680] Is that film or video cassettes?

[681] It's, girl, it's practically real to real.

[682] 78, like, I remember when my friend Janet Nielsen's parents got the first VCR.

[683] Jesus.

[684] In 78?

[685] It was even earlier than that, I think.

[686] They had to be rich.

[687] They were.

[688] They were, they were fucking hooked up.

[689] In 85, when, we wanted to run a fucking movie, we had to rent a VCR too.

[690] We did that too.

[691] You did that too at the grocery store, at the video store across the street?

[692] Yes.

[693] My sister and I very often would rent the VCR and we'd rent the best of Brian Adams video called Polation.

[694] Oh, everything you do.

[695] I won't do it.

[696] He had a great video of For Run to You where it was just him playing the guitar with a bunch of leaves being blown all around.

[697] Sure.

[698] What's more romantic?

[699] Come on a black engine.

[700] It's like, I'm on a run to you.

[701] leaves leaves leaves it's like mimics running with blowing yeah but he didn't have to move no he could just stay there and play the guitar right um god please guys i meant to say not god please go ahead and rent the best of brian adams video and rent a vCR while you're there have the experience this is what it was like you know what you'd probably i bet these days people would have to rent a vCR because they're now completely cycled out fucking eh the future in the past coming together here's what i'm talking about it.

[702] Keep going.

[703] Let's not listen to ourselves.

[704] So essentially they come upon all these home videos and they're like, what the fuck?

[705] They take them all into evidence and they take them down to the station to review them.

[706] And that is where they find that Bob Crane has videotaped a whole host of sexual activity between himself and women.

[707] He's a pornographer.

[708] He's a self pornographer.

[709] A hometown pornographer.

[710] That's our new episode.

[711] It's a hometown pornographer.

[712] Home town pornographer.

[713] We might be biting a couple of their podcast ideas right here, but let's just see how it goes.

[714] There's another man featured in some of these recordings, and they eventually identify that man as someone named John Henry Carpenter.

[715] So John Carpenter was a regional sales manager for Sony electronics in Los Angeles, and he was an expert in video equipment and video recording.

[716] And part of his job was helping customers learn how to use the video recording equipment.

[717] Oh.

[718] So one such customer was a one Bob Crane.

[719] So it turns out they frequently went drinking together and while they were out at bars, Bob Crane's celebrity it's like, look, Hogan from Hogan's Heroes is here and that would enable them to pick up on women.

[720] They would bring them back to wherever they were staying at the time and then record themselves having sex with these women.

[721] Now, later on, Bob's son from his first marriage, Robert, would say that all these women consented.

[722] It was what they also were into, and that's why the tapes got made.

[723] But when police went to interview these women, they found their identities, a lot of them had no idea that they had been filmed.

[724] So it was a bit of a creepy situation, even just to begin with.

[725] And it turned out that the whole scheme was because Bob Crane was a rampant sex addict.

[726] And everybody that he had worked with in the business kind of knew it.

[727] And a lot of them tried to distance themselves from him when they experienced it in whatever way they did.

[728] So that was part of the reason his acting career dwindled the way it did.

[729] Right.

[730] Okay.

[731] Let's not become sex addicts.

[732] I mean, let's do our best.

[733] But then when the pressure's mount, you've got to go somewhere.

[734] You've got to take that pressure away somehow.

[735] And like me, here's me over here with my coconut macaroons going, what am I going to do with this pressure?

[736] Well, that's just coconut macaroons or what, for Bob?

[737] They're not working?

[738] They don't work.

[739] And neither does yoga.

[740] Tantric yoga.

[741] Whoa.

[742] When you film it.

[743] So, yeah, this was Bob's addiction.

[744] Okay.

[745] Um, and the, his reliance on sex, um, and the illicit pursuits became more frequent as his career was dwindling, which makes sense.

[746] Fulfillment.

[747] We all need it.

[748] We everybody needs it.

[749] Especially when we're not getting it elsewhere.

[750] When, and things used to, you used to get tons of fulfilling.

[751] That's the, that's the other thing is that experience of fame where you, the popularity is like, it's, you think it's permanent and unceasing.

[752] The removal of that.

[753] And the emptiness that leaves behind, yeah, people are going to go to there.

[754] Any addiction you have, if it was alcohol, he would have fucking drank too much.

[755] If it was drugs, it was gambling, whatever.

[756] How about shopping and just buying the same tiny shirt over and over in a bunch of different colors?

[757] That's what I used to do.

[758] When I took my diet pills and eating was no longer on the table because they'd cut that part of my brain off miraculously.

[759] Then I was just like, I have to go to Club Monaco.

[760] And that's all I did.

[761] So Bob actually, it was a problem to the point.

[762] where Bob actually met with a therapist and had been talking about and coming to terms with the fact that he did indeed have this problem with sexual addiction.

[763] And he had plans to meet with a psychologist who specialized in sex addiction in Los Angeles when beginner's luck ended the run.

[764] But never got a chance to do that.

[765] So the police figure out that John Carpenter had flown to Arizona to visit with Bob for a few days on June 25th, 1978.

[766] So he was out there and around.

[767] And when they inspect the rental car that John Carpenter had used during his visit, they find blood smears inside the vehicle.

[768] The blood matches Bob Crane's blood type, but of course, this is way before DNA testing.

[769] So the blood type match isn't strong enough to bring charges against Carpenter and the case goes cold.

[770] They just taste it and they're like, it tastes kind of like, that was DNA testing back then.

[771] Let's get the tasting scientist in here.

[772] Yeah, no, nothing.

[773] nothing so 12 years later in 1990 scottesdale detective jim rains who had already been a homicide investigator in phoenix so it was like finally you know they were building up their homicide department i would imagine i took i'm assuming that because of one sentence that is in the research i think you're right let's write let's write a whole movie about it okay how scottstale you know what they're turning their homicide department around up and coming so jim rains is there to kick some ass and he starts reexamining the little evidence that they do have in the Bob Crane murder case and he discovers photographic evidence of the presence of brain tissue in the rental car.

[774] So when they were looking for the evidence in the rental car, they also took pictures which is very smart and good because that's the one thing.

[775] So there was no way that they could extract that evidence being that it was like over a decade after the crime.

[776] But just looking at it, they couldn't be like, that's not chewing gum, that's brain matter.

[777] No, they could.

[778] Okay.

[779] But it was It wasn't like they could go back to the car and prove it.

[780] But it was, the photo evidence was significant enough that a judge deemed it as admissible evidence.

[781] And in June of 1992, John Carpenter is arrested and charged with Bob Crane's murder.

[782] So in 1994, the trial begins.

[783] And Bob's son Robert testifies that Bob had wasn't, they weren't getting along anymore, that Bob Crane thought of Carpenter as a nuisance and a hanger on.

[784] and he no longer wanted Carpenter in his life.

[785] And according to Robert the son, the night before his murder, Bob Crane allegedly called Carpenter to end their relationship.

[786] And you have to figure if you're doing something creepy like that, if you're not completely good with the situation, the person that's kind of aiding and abetting you in that situation, you're going to want to turn on them at some point.

[787] Because it's like, I don't want to do this anymore.

[788] It's your fault.

[789] We're doing this.

[790] Or go find someone else to do it with when this guy knows he's not going to find anyone else to do it with.

[791] No. He's fucking pissed.

[792] And that guy has so much power over him being that they're kind of in this collaboration of filthiness together.

[793] That's my theory.

[794] Collaboration of filthiness.

[795] Please, we're naming the episode.

[796] That's what this podcast is.

[797] That truly is.

[798] Okay, so according to I said that right, Carpenter's defense quickly bouts down all of these accusations from Robert the son.

[799] And then they bring in witnesses who saw Bob and John Carpenter having dinner at a nearby restaurant the night before the murder, and they all attest to that they were getting along very well.

[800] So they were having dinner on the night before, but no, they were like friendly.

[801] So he didn't smash him over the head later.

[802] That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.

[803] Especially when if you've lived in L .A. for any period of time, you will sit happily at dinner across from your worst enemy.

[804] Yeah.

[805] It means nothing that they were getting along.

[806] The fact that he was in fucking Scottsdale, Arizona.

[807] he ended up dead the next morning is more important than they were casually smiling and eating fucking what chicken parmesan i don't know what do they serve in scotsdale we're going to hear about it okay um know that i meant people are going to write in oh okay good i was like tell me what he ate uh well clams casino oh if you ever had clams in scotsdale they are fresh and delicious okay so john carpenter's attorneys also note that the trams The camera tripod murder weapon was pure speculation, that it was never found or proven to be true.

[808] And that was really what was linking, like, in everyone's mind.

[809] It's like, if this is the weapon, then the guy that knows the most about these is the murderer.

[810] He can still touch a baseball bat, right?

[811] He can touch anything.

[812] And when it came to the evidence that they did have, the Scottsdale police had mishandled or even lost enough of it so that it was basically the defense was.

[813] saying, yeah, you guys don't even really know what you're doing, so you certainly can't put a case together against my client.

[814] What if you had a lawyer that talk like that but defending you against murder?

[815] You don't have a case against your client.

[816] I mean, my client.

[817] Anyone's client.

[818] In court, they're like your client, my client.

[819] My client.

[820] Your Honor, it's my client.

[821] The defense also argues that there are so many potential suspects that haven't been looked which is very true, including the women in the video whose motive could be murder because they could have been blackmailed or they could want to be blackmailing Bob Crane and John Carpenter.

[822] Family members are friends of the women who were recorded who would want to defend their honor.

[823] There was actually even another actor who swore revenge after a violent argument with Crane several months before the murder took place.

[824] And his name was, was it?

[825] Conan O 'Brien.

[826] That was Conan O 'Brien, who was in, he was only 12 when he was in Beginners left in Scottsdale.

[827] I swear, I'll kill you.

[828] I will kill you.

[829] I'm great.

[830] And frame your friend.

[831] Okay.

[832] So then, I should put my thumb near where the last thing I read before we start laughing about things.

[833] Okay, so with so much reasonable doubt surrounding the case, John Carpenter was acquitted.

[834] And he maintained his innocence.

[835] Yeah, they didn't get him.

[836] Fuck.

[837] He's acquitted, and he said he was innocent until he died a few years later in 1998.

[838] Shit.

[839] Yeah.

[840] So with the case still unsolved, Bob's son Robert starts to speculate that there's a chance Bob's second wife, Patricia Olson, may have had something to do with the murder because she was the one that stood to inherit Bob's entire estate.

[841] You mean his apartment in fucking Scottsdale?

[842] His divorced dad apartment?

[843] Sorry, have you seen a divorced dad's apartment?

[844] They're fucking depressing.

[845] She's like, I'll kill for that fucking shag carcuit.

[846] I need beige everywhere.

[847] She's like, I need a bunch of real to real videos of other women fucking my husband.

[848] That's what I'm looking for.

[849] Patricia did get his entire estate.

[850] There was nothing left for Bob's first wife or any of his three children.

[851] Fuck that shit.

[852] Yeah.

[853] So also in the early 2000s, the fascination about this murder and the secret life surrounding Bob Crane resourged.

[854] And Patricia Olson began speaking more openly about.

[855] their life together and she said that she knew that Bob had a persistent sex addiction that she didn't mind to her it was just an obsession he had and she thought there was no use in being jealous of an obsession he couldn't control and after her own death in 2007 um she was buried Patricia was buried next to Bob Crane in the Westwood village memorial park in Westwood neighborhood of Los Angeles um so in 2001 um Bob's son from his second marriage launched a website called Bob crane .com where visitors could pay to see some of Bob Crane's sex tapes.

[856] No!

[857] And photographs.

[858] Apparently the website doesn't exist anymore but that was something his own family member set up.

[859] Oh, the 2001s.

[860] Yeah.

[861] They were fucked up time for computers.

[862] They were.

[863] Well, it was like anything goes.

[864] And you wonder, like obviously like you said, he didn't have much of an estate because this is, this This is from the family that got money from the estate, and they're setting that up.

[865] In 2002, the film Autofocus starring Greg Kinnear.

[866] So good.

[867] Which is based on Greg Kinnear as Bob Crane is released.

[868] It's so perfect because Greg Kinnear, which is when you said he'd be a great.

[869] Ted Bundy.

[870] Ted Bundy.

[871] Because he is so friendly and sweet.

[872] Yes.

[873] He's not some creepy dude making videos.

[874] No. Yeah, it's a really good movie.

[875] It's the, and it really was when that whole story came out that that's how Bob Crane died and that was what his secret was.

[876] It really was shocking.

[877] And it's that thing of the face.

[878] How could a person with a face like that do a thing like that?

[879] Yeah, don't trust anyone.

[880] Right.

[881] And certainly don't base your trust on facial features.

[882] Sure.

[883] I can't help I have a perfect nose.

[884] It doesn't mean you should give me your car keys.

[885] Look, Mimi's resting bitch face does not tell of who she is as a person cat.

[886] No, all of us with resting bitch face actually have big sensitive hearts that we're just trying to keep you away from for our own safety.

[887] Mimi included.

[888] Oh, Mimi.

[889] Poor Mimi.

[890] I have resting friendly face when really I just want everyone to leave me alone.

[891] Is that weird?

[892] Is that a thing?

[893] You have a really good, what I would say is friendly, resting friendly frozen face where you'll stare at people with your smile, but you can see in your eyes that you're like, what the fuck is this?

[894] Really?

[895] That's my favorite look when you get it.

[896] Is it this one?

[897] Yes.

[898] Oh my God.

[899] It's just like, when are you going to shut up?

[900] Yes, exactly.

[901] Oh my God.

[902] I have cultivated it.

[903] offended it doesn't it doesn't make anything negative and the only person who knows it is someone who knows me really well because i'll put my claws into your arm under the table and be like get me out of this conversation and every once in all your head will be cocked one way or the other where i'm like oh she doesn't actually like this at all it's taken me forever to figure it out because of course i'm resting bitch face and then i'll also be bitchy for no reason i enjoy it i think it's funny so i don't know how to read the this more subtle things also when you watch you can watch any emotion pass through my face oh yeah it's like it's like clear glass where it's just like oh no i hate that oh no that's fine i just i don't know how to mask it at all i love it working on it i love it all i'm working on my acting don't i love talking about myself i love when you talk about me it's perfect this is what podcasting is all about okay so that movie comes out.

[904] Bob's son Scotty, the one who set up Bob crane .com, he criticized the film for its inaccuracy.

[905] So he's saying Bob was never initially a church -going man who then turned to a life of sexual addiction and deviance.

[906] He was actually a longtime sex addict.

[907] And according to Scottie, the sex tapes Bob made dated back as early as 1956.

[908] Wow, vintage porn.

[909] I mean like, was he fuck?

[910] How did he do it?

[911] Like go under the cloth, take the picture, run over to the best.

[912] How?

[913] Oh, vintage porn is the best porn.

[914] Filthy.

[915] Also, the 50s porn.

[916] That's a lot of like, I'm going to slowly take my girdle off.

[917] Well, the way you know, and actually they did show this, I may, I don't, it's been so long since I've seen the movie, but I was going to say like, the girls had to know it was being filmed because the recorder was the loudest fucking machine in the entire world, but they showed them putting music up really loud.

[918] Oh, that's true.

[919] And I bet you they had a couple about eight or nine.

[920] Cocanes.

[921] They had about nine cocaine and they had a couple grasshoppers.

[922] That combination.

[923] Some fucking rusty nails.

[924] That's actually a cocktail, right?

[925] Yes, it is.

[926] It is.

[927] Yeah, those old, those old, not video camera, but like a movie camera, high eight, super eight cameras.

[928] Yeah.

[929] It sounded like a, like a playing card in a bicycle wheel.

[930] Exactly.

[931] It was like, that's all it was.

[932] was that fun to listen to was that ASMR for anybody great so then then what happened what about Bob I'll tell you in 2015 Robert Bob's son from his first marriage wrote and released a book called Crane colon sex celebrity and my father's unsolved murder in 2016 with DNA testing available reporter John Hook gets permission from Maricopa County attorney's office to get the blood samples from the rental car tested.

[933] Yes.

[934] So it goes into the old evidence, gets it tested.

[935] The tests basically prove inconclusive because one sample is determined to be from an unknown male, and the second is too degraded to get conclusive results.

[936] I hate the word inconclusive.

[937] It makes me angry.

[938] It's just so unsatisfying.

[939] And that is the end.

[940] That's how unsatisfying the story is because that's the still unsolved murder of Bob Crane.

[941] Holy shit.

[942] Yes.

[943] And if you need, definitely, if this interests you in any way, watch autofocus, the movie Autofocus.

[944] Another recommendation.

[945] Good one.

[946] Yeah.

[947] Thank you.

[948] That was a good pick.

[949] I'm mad.

[950] Thank you.

[951] Good.

[952] Yeah.

[953] The ultimate compliment.

[954] I'm mad that you felt that I didn't think of that one sooner.

[955] So it wasn't you and I talking.

[956] Absolutely not.

[957] God damn it.

[958] You're off the list.

[959] I'm mad at all my friends.

[960] Every time we're hanging out, I'm like, give me a murder to do.

[961] I don't know what to do.

[962] Yeah.

[963] Now it's your turn.

[964] Okay.

[965] It's my turn now.

[966] We hate murderers.

[967] There's, They fucking suck.

[968] That's true.

[969] Overall.

[970] This one is particularly a douchebag.

[971] Okay.

[972] So here we go.

[973] This is the Dexter copycat killer.

[974] Okay.

[975] You hear from me?

[976] I've heard about this.

[977] Okay.

[978] We didn't do this, did we?

[979] It was in a midi -sode.

[980] Okay.

[981] So we didn't do this.

[982] We didn't do this dude.

[983] We did it in a minisode.

[984] I was going to do it at a live show when we were in Toronto.

[985] Toronto.

[986] Toronto.

[987] I did get that message.

[988] But it was 30 hours away from.

[989] Toronto.

[990] So I did it.

[991] But here we go.

[992] Meanwhile, I'm doing them that are like up in the Arctic circle, never, never even thinking about it.

[993] What do they want?

[994] Yeah.

[995] This guy sucks so fucking bad.

[996] Okay.

[997] Mark Twitchell is his name.

[998] Sure.

[999] He's born in Edmonton, Canada on July 4th, 1979.

[1000] Fourth of July, it means nothing.

[1001] It's in Canada.

[1002] It's absolutely meaningless.

[1003] They don't care.

[1004] They don't know what you're talking about.

[1005] Right.

[1006] He graduates from the radio and television program at the Northern Alberta Institute of Technology, he fucking wants to be a filmmaker.

[1007] He, okay, spent several years living in the Midwest, goes back to Canada to pursue a career in filmmaking, which has never been said before.

[1008] Here come all the Edmonton filmmakers down your throat.

[1009] That's fucking right.

[1010] He's obsessed with sci -fi, likes doing cosplay.

[1011] Not that there's anything wrong with that, but this guy sucks particularly badly.

[1012] Okay.

[1013] Dresses up, plays out scenes from his favorite movies called LARPing, right?

[1014] live action role play fine so he's yeah basically there's regular nerds who especially love a certain thing and want to delve all the way into it yes we relate we are those nerds a fucking tibbley but then there's the um nerds nerds that do that but then they also have a homicidal element to their personality right we don't like them no we'll go to your fucking it's it's basically like doing a civil war reenactment but a fucking Star Wars that sounds way more fun than a civil war reenactment here's who really looks like Picture Adam Devine, the comedian from workaholics.

[1015] Who could actually play my younger brother if necessary.

[1016] Really?

[1017] Adam Devine, don't you think?

[1018] I don't know.

[1019] I've never thought about it.

[1020] Leave it.

[1021] Leave it.

[1022] Who's Paul Giamati's younger brother?

[1023] Okay, so it's Paul, nope.

[1024] Adam Devine.

[1025] Okay.

[1026] But picture him in a homemade bumblebee costume from fucking Transformers or dressed up as Wolverine with like, you know, fake sideburns at a bar.

[1027] He's also, this is like, so this is the early 2000s.

[1028] So he's super into going online, looking for personal relationships.

[1029] He goes to like dating sites and shit.

[1030] Chat rooms, remember those?

[1031] No. We loved them so much.

[1032] Yes, we did.

[1033] The idea of being on that and like just trying to randomly talk to anybody, I would never do that in a million years.

[1034] I did it constantly.

[1035] Keep in mind, I was under 20 years old the entire time.

[1036] I did it.

[1037] That is a forensic files waiting to happen.

[1038] Georgia 1313 was my username.

[1039] Oh shit.

[1040] That just hit me. I just remember that.

[1041] Like, do you think that people were like, hopefully she's 13?

[1042] Oh, God, I didn't even think about that.

[1043] I just was like, what's a, what's a scary number?

[1044] 13.

[1045] Great.

[1046] Do it twice.

[1047] Oh, man. And double down.

[1048] I didn't really get deep into it, but I did go into a lot of straight edge and fucking rave her chat rooms.

[1049] Well, that you needed that information.

[1050] I did.

[1051] That was stuff like, guys, where do we go pick up the egg that then inside has the directions to the warehouse, right?

[1052] Isn't that raver life?

[1053] Okay.

[1054] I was too old.

[1055] I was just like, it was too old.

[1056] That's to me, all of the internet, when it started like that, and it was all my space and why aren't you my friend on my space type of shit, I was not on any of it.

[1057] And I would say to people all the time, why don't you just walk down Melrose and ask people, do you think I'm good looking?

[1058] Because it's the same fucking thing.

[1059] Or smart or deep.

[1060] Or anything.

[1061] Or interesting.

[1062] I'm 10 years younger than you, so I was deep.

[1063] into that shit yeah I had a fucking live journal from the very beginning yeah girl I love that shit it's it was my home he also used like for his dating picture was a photo of Darth mall oh honey from this not just Star Wars but from the reboot which everyone knows is terrible right don't get mad at me everyone okay I'm not wrong um or well can I just say he didn't use jar jar banks and maybe that's the that's the number one douche Oh, you're...

[1064] Oh, no, wait.

[1065] No, you're right.

[1066] You're like, well, hold on.

[1067] Hold on.

[1068] Okay.

[1069] Yes.

[1070] Correct.

[1071] Well, can I ask a question about this, though?

[1072] I might not be able to answer it.

[1073] Okay.

[1074] I think you will.

[1075] Okay.

[1076] Was he shopping for ladies or men on these dating sites?

[1077] Ladies.

[1078] Okay.

[1079] He was super into ladies and somehow they were into him.

[1080] Well, because, you know, why?

[1081] Because they saw that picture of Darth Mall and they're like, there he is.

[1082] It's my dream man. Wait, is he Wolverine?

[1083] He might be Wolverine.

[1084] Can he transform?

[1085] Oh, my God.

[1086] The sideburns alone.

[1087] loved they loved it um so he calls himself a renaissance man and then i wrote we call him a chode wow in 2000 he's 21 he meets a woman named megan online they fucking fall in love and hit it off as only you could do in the early 2000s and fall in love it was the best love back then the best love yeah i did it a couple times yeah i totally fell for people online um she thinks he's charming and sweet and smart and they they're talking online for fucking months totally fucking did it.

[1088] And Megan, who lives in the States, flies to Edmonton to marry Mark Twitchell.

[1089] Wait.

[1090] After a couple months of talking.

[1091] Talking but not meeting in real life?

[1092] I don't know if they had met.

[1093] But maybe it probably was for a long weekend if they had.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] That's no. He's 21.

[1096] She's 20.

[1097] They get married.

[1098] She moves to Edmonton.

[1099] Okay.

[1100] From Colorado.

[1101] Can I just say what I might.

[1102] Always.

[1103] I have a feeling that maybe she flew.

[1104] loaded a thing of like, I can't fuck you unless we're married.

[1105] No. She's like, if this guy, did you ever fall in love with the guy online?

[1106] No. Yeah.

[1107] If you, if this guy is who he's purporting to be online, oh my God.

[1108] And it hadn't been like outed yet that we that don't trust anyone online, which we all know now.

[1109] Yes.

[1110] Oh, I see.

[1111] This guy's amazing.

[1112] He checked all her boxes.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] It was like this was meant to be.

[1115] Yes.

[1116] Okay.

[1117] Yeah.

[1118] They're like, well, we're in love.

[1119] You're the person you say you are online.

[1120] I'm going to get on.

[1121] You know what?

[1122] I'm going to join MySpace.

[1123] I don't care.

[1124] I'm doing it.

[1125] Get on there with me. Let's all see who can meet.

[1126] Start from the beginning.

[1127] Go to Makeout Club, which I did.

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] It's in our book, actually.

[1130] Okay.

[1131] Oh, pick up our book sometime in May. We don't know when.

[1132] We don't know.

[1133] Okay.

[1134] So she gets married to him.

[1135] They stay married for four years.

[1136] But as soon as she moves her, she's like, oh, shit.

[1137] This isn't the guy.

[1138] I thought he was online.

[1139] Huh.

[1140] Really?

[1141] Nobody knew.

[1142] I'm now the meanest older sister in the world.

[1143] Oh, really?

[1144] Oh, really?

[1145] Debra?

[1146] Because you thought you were going to go to Edmonton and everything was over there.

[1147] Yeah, just because you spoke to him three times on the phone.

[1148] And the fucking, you know, there was fucking long distance charges back then.

[1149] She was on the phone, everyone.

[1150] You don't know there wasn't tweeting or mean texting.

[1151] She was like every time she called him, it was like 10, 10, 220.

[1152] 10.

[1153] 10 for 2 .1.

[1154] That's right.

[1155] You all these know what we're talking about.

[1156] She realized he's a compulsive liar and that he's cheating on her constantly, which is just who he was.

[1157] He was a fucking sociopathic.

[1158] narcissistic piece of shit liar.

[1159] Wow.

[1160] Just a guy who thinks he's smarter than everyone and very bright but yet has, but sucks and has huge blind spots.

[1161] Darth Mall.

[1162] He's a real Darth Mall.

[1163] A Canadian one at that.

[1164] Right.

[1165] So yet less than a year after their relationship ends, he remarries in 2005 to another woman he's met online.

[1166] They fucking have a baby.

[1167] And this creep, Mark Twitchell starts, he gains a small following among sci -fi fans because he's like cool to them when he directs a movie that he makes using green screen called Star Wars Secrets of the Rebellion.

[1168] Oh, he makes his own Star Wars movie.

[1169] He makes his own Star Wars movie using mostly Green Screen and that doesn't have the money to have someone do the actual work to make it real.

[1170] Right.

[1171] Also, you can't make money on someone else's idea.

[1172] So he would have just immediately been sued.

[1173] George Lucas would have had him for dinner.

[1174] But he was so cocky that he was like, I'm going to make this and this is what's going get me work like they're going to see how great I am and he's just this cocky mean everyone who worked on the film was like he was such a fucking asshole we hated him yeah and the movie has a short cameo by the dude who plays boba fat in the in the star wars movie which i was listening to uh this episode from last podcast on the left and they're like well he's wearing a mask so who the fuck even you don't need the i was going to say is it the actor either way it doesn't matter right that's unprovable right So then he also starts working, after that, he does that.

[1175] He's like, this is going to make me famous.

[1176] Then he starts working on a script for a comedy that he calls day players, which is essentially extras.

[1177] Oh, okay.

[1178] By our friend.

[1179] Ricky Jervais.

[1180] Thank you.

[1181] Which is just about extras.

[1182] He's not our friend, by the way.

[1183] I know.

[1184] He's a Siamese cat.

[1185] We don't know him.

[1186] Okay.

[1187] So he starts making this fucking stupid show.

[1188] There's a trailer for it online that's basically every dude.

[1189] you've ever dated in improv if they made a fucking short with like their video camera from 2007.

[1190] No, thank you.

[1191] And like, Rift.

[1192] And then we're like, this is the best part.

[1193] Let's put it in the trailer.

[1194] And you had to be like, oh, my God, baby, it's so, I'm sorry, I'm talking from experience.

[1195] No. Baby, it's so funny.

[1196] You're the best one, though.

[1197] I mean, it's so good and you're so funny.

[1198] How do you, like, think of stuff that quickly?

[1199] Can I just right now quote, my friend Derek Riddle, who is an incredible, incredibly talented Scottish actor.

[1200] who was on the book group with me, one of the funniest people I've ever met, but an amazing actor.

[1201] And you've actually seen him in a ton of stuff.

[1202] I can't think off -hand.

[1203] But one time was we were being driven to set.

[1204] It was me, and Derek Riddle was in the front seat, Jimmy Lance and one other person.

[1205] And those guys were talking, and they were just riffing endlessly.

[1206] And it was just this kind of nonsensical conversation that they were riffing through.

[1207] And from the front seat, I'm not going to be able to do the Scottish accent correctly.

[1208] But Derek just goes, Jesus, Jesus, somebody block.

[1209] Oh, yeah.

[1210] Somebody run through this motherfucking thing and end this shit.

[1211] Ruin this.

[1212] Somebody no but this improvisation.

[1213] It does make you appreciate really fucking good improv when you see it.

[1214] After you've seen so many X's bad improv.

[1215] I'm sorry.

[1216] There's a lot about everything out there.

[1217] The majority of most things are bad.

[1218] But you don't have to date a person who's doing it and like a lot of bad things that you don't have to go to their performance of like someone's bad at painting you don't have to sit and watch them paint for two and a half hours and get drunk okay at i .o listen okay so he's a fucking lying liar who lies he quits his job doesn't tell his wife does the fucking thing thing of I'm going to work now goodbye which is like such a fucking sociopathic thing to do but also oh you get it it's my favorite there's something about it that fills me I become enthralled.

[1219] It's very similar to Mardi Gras just started.

[1220] And one of it's, I believe it's the Skin and Bones crew.

[1221] But they started their party at 5 a .m. And when I saw the video on Twitter, it was almost like I was going to float up off the couch.

[1222] The idea of getting up at 5 a .m. to drink and party and do drums in the street and hang out is like my dream.

[1223] You know who else does that is people who are into football, which, like, hey, soccer overseas.

[1224] And they'll do that.

[1225] And I'm like, damn, I wish I could watch that.

[1226] I wish I cared.

[1227] Yeah.

[1228] Set your alarm and get up.

[1229] And you're like, well, I have to drink because over there.

[1230] It's after five.

[1231] But I just, anything like that.

[1232] And then also this idea that maybe you fucked up, maybe you fucked up so bad.

[1233] You can't tell anyone.

[1234] So then you're putting all this energy into tricking people into believing you didn't fuck up.

[1235] Yeah.

[1236] But that just shows what a lot like that you, I mean, once you get to that place where you can't, because you've already lied so many fucking or you have to lie because you've like No it's I know I'm just remembering in college After I flunked out of college Between the time I told my parents Right I didn't I would get up every day And run to the mailbox To make sure they didn't get my report card before me And after I broke the news Whatever I said yeah And your little mailbox trip didn't work either Of course it's like I've never cared about mail in my life Yeah And suddenly I'm getting up and running To the mailbox every day where it's just like, your parents know, they know what you're doing.

[1237] Yeah, I think you're stupid to be honest.

[1238] Quits his job.

[1239] But he still goes out on Friday nights, pretending he has a job.

[1240] He has, he rents a garage in Edmonton's Southside, which apparently was a bad neighborhood.

[1241] He, there was like a literal garage that he rented from a couple who didn't speak English.

[1242] So he's like, great, they won't be able to tell anyone anything.

[1243] Oh, yeah.

[1244] That's what he does.

[1245] And he also starts telling, he's trying to get investors in what he's calling his A -list movie, big budget movie that he's going to make, that has A -list stars that have already signed on in the movie, and he's like a great bullshitter.

[1246] Like Boba Fett will be there, and of course, Darth Mall is going to make an appearance.

[1247] He fucking talks about Alec Baldwin being in part.

[1248] Like, he's just like he's lying and he's really good at it, like a lot of sociopaths are.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] And so people kind of believe him and he ends up getting like 90 grand to fucking make this movie.

[1251] That's a lot of money.

[1252] That's a lot of fucking money.

[1253] Yeah, he's, it's the sociopath or whatever like a path animal where the charisma floats it.

[1254] And I know a lot of us are like, wait, he can get a wife and fucking all this money.

[1255] Two wives.

[1256] And like, but he's a liar.

[1257] But it's like, well, you have to have follow through.

[1258] Like, if he had put as much effort in fucking time into like what he actually did as he did selling his bullshit, including to like selling it to these women that he's not a piece of shit.

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] Maybe this would have been fine.

[1261] Just how about just don't be a piece of shit a little bit.

[1262] Right.

[1263] If that's a choice.

[1264] Give it a shot.

[1265] We don't know.

[1266] Sometimes it's not a choice.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] Try.

[1269] Go to therapy.

[1270] Okay.

[1271] So he also spends a lot of time on the internet where he creates fake accounts and he and fake identities and catfishes the shit out of people.

[1272] Sorry, I'm just thinking of every Star Wars character he's pretending to be on the internet.

[1273] Boba, fat.

[1274] Name, too.

[1275] It's me. R2D too.

[1276] Date me. I'm a robot.

[1277] There you go.

[1278] And around this time, he starts to become obsessed with the show, Dexter.

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] Which I've never seen a single fucking.

[1281] episode of it was good yeah yeah okay yeah it was really good because it was like a procedural but then it was also like science of lambs and there was a slightly comic element and that actor who plays dexter that we've talked about a lot of the show love him so much and of course can't remember his name i went to his house once that's right and he was in that series that we loved remember when he has it yes the british one what something michael something michael see hall he is so good He is so good and great to watch.

[1282] Also, John Lithgow was on Dexter.

[1283] Right.

[1284] It was great.

[1285] I didn't watch it out of any kind of, I didn't watch TV.

[1286] I couldn't afford TV at the time, and I had a desk job, and I couldn't illegally download it to my work computer.

[1287] That's the only reason I never watched it.

[1288] If only there was some kind of a, like a Russian hub you could have linked through.

[1289] I tried once, and it was like a little bit, like, fucked up.

[1290] And I was like, well, I can get through this with like a little bit of a fucked up screen.

[1291] And then I was like, I have a headache now.

[1292] So I just stopped trying.

[1293] It was the last time I tried.

[1294] Do you know that I couldn't remember my HBO Go password?

[1295] So this last season of the Sopranos, I just bought it.

[1296] And I told that to my friend Molly.

[1297] And she was like, you fucking idiot.

[1298] It's for free.

[1299] Because I was like, I just bought it.

[1300] She's like, it's free.

[1301] Just sitting there.

[1302] I can't figure it out.

[1303] Yeah.

[1304] Solved your own problems.

[1305] Can't.

[1306] Like my therapist used to say, Kim, throw money at the problem.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] That's what I did.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] I just bought it.

[1311] Yeah.

[1312] Great.

[1313] Goodbye.

[1314] So he, of course, if everyone who doesn't know, Dexter Morgan, it's a TV show about a forensic blood spatter analyst by day and a serial killer by night.

[1315] He fucking killed other serial killers, right?

[1316] Yes.

[1317] Great premise.

[1318] We love it.

[1319] Very satisfying.

[1320] Very satisfying.

[1321] It's like, finally, it's a good psychopath.

[1322] Child molesters too?

[1323] Everyone.

[1324] Great.

[1325] That's the whole arc of it was all the different kinds of bad guys and he worked in the police department.

[1326] Love it.

[1327] Yeah.

[1328] So he watches all episodes, probably.

[1329] a lot of episodes.

[1330] Yeah, I don't know how many there are.

[1331] In four days.

[1332] Whoa, what?

[1333] Yeah, so he, like, does the fucking crazy person thing.

[1334] He binged it.

[1335] Wait, am I a crazy person?

[1336] Because that's all I do.

[1337] Well, no. Yes and no. No, because you don't then go, well, now I'm going to go kill people.

[1338] Oh, true.

[1339] Right.

[1340] Thank you.

[1341] So he creates a Dexter Morgan persona on his Facebook page.

[1342] He pretends that he's Dexter Morgan.

[1343] He actually gets, like, kind of a following of fans and, like, communicates with them.

[1344] And he's, he, like, post the thing that it's like, you know, Mark Twitcher is like way, way too similar to fucking Dexter Morgan and like creepy shit like that where it's like, calm down, dude.

[1345] So he's living on his investment money from the movie he was going to make.

[1346] And then that movie is called, he creates this new movie called House of Cards before all of it.

[1347] Before House of Cards.

[1348] It's the Canadian House of Cards.

[1349] So he's, it's the House of Cards, yeah?

[1350] House of Cards.

[1351] I'm stealing that from Vince and Jesse Pop and our friend from Canada who's so funny Casey Corbyn Yes, okay I just got to meet Yeah, in our Toronto shows A hilarious comedian in Canada Okay, so it's an eight -minute Slashers fix flick that he makes about Cheating, so basically he's Dexter But he's like, I'm going to change this slightly Because I don't want to get sued And it's he kills cheating husbands instead Okay.

[1352] He fucking makes fake profiles of women on these dating sites, finds and catches cheating husbands, kills them.

[1353] Seems a bit extreme.

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] It's like just to have a divorce.

[1356] Yeah, exactly.

[1357] Dexter's killing serial killers.

[1358] And also, this motherfucker cheats on his wife all the time.

[1359] What's happening?

[1360] So, like, let's not.

[1361] Self -loat.

[1362] Let's not be hypocrite.

[1363] Can you not?

[1364] But so he writes this bullshit fucking movie and he tased where the character tases and abducts these people wearing a hockey mast and he tapes them to a chair gets all their information cleans out their bank account and he and in the end runs them through with a samurai sword and hacks up the body parts good God can I just say that Dexter never stole money from people from what I remember like he had a job there was no financial gain it was all purely like this is for the good of the people right he also probably didn't own a samurai sword which is like if you were dating a guy and you went over to his house and a fucking samurai sword, I'd be like, oh, I have to check my car really, the last word wouldn't be on the size.

[1365] No. If you own a samurai sword and an iguana, get the fuck out of there.

[1366] Or both.

[1367] I'm not saying one of the other.

[1368] Right.

[1369] Aguana, especially if the iguana's on your shoulder holding a samurai sword.

[1370] And you have a goatee.

[1371] And the iguana has a goatee.

[1372] Get out of there.

[1373] We are making enemies left right and center on this episode.

[1374] And I'm only two pages into this fucking story.

[1375] Okay.

[1376] All right.

[1377] Here we go.

[1378] So shortly after he shot this fucking stupid movie in his garage, a dude named John, who goes by Johnny, Altinger, has a date with a woman he met online.

[1379] We're cut into over here.

[1380] Okay.

[1381] Johnny is tall and friendly.

[1382] He's a 38 -year -old oil -filled equipment engineer, whatever the fuck that means.

[1383] he loves riding motorcycles and he is really close to his friends so he tells his friends like I'm going to meet this woman I met online on the website plenty of fish oh the Christian dating website it sure is great he's like I'm so excited to meet her she seems super fucking cool she won't give me her phone number and one of his really smart friends was like give me her address just in case that seems sketchy yes I bet that was a woman yeah this guy uh don't you think yeah this guy is good friends.

[1384] So he sends her the directions to the address in Edmonton Southside where he's going to meet his date, Jen, to pick her up for a date.

[1385] And Jen's like, just go through the dark garage to the back patio, which is like, we always say to women don't go to someone's house to meet them, meet them in a public place, but like men, you don't think about that, you know?

[1386] Right.

[1387] And I think it's rare than anything like this would happen.

[1388] Right.

[1389] But all of us should just be cautious for the first couple dates.

[1390] Slightly cautious.

[1391] Just like let's, let's meet on the sidewalk.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] Let's make sure there's, it's at least a two to three lane highway that we're near.

[1394] Lots of public exposure.

[1395] It's the thing of like, I feel like a lot of, I wish I'd known or like, you're not a bitch if you don't trust someone you've never fucking met before.

[1396] Thank you.

[1397] Let's shake on that one.

[1398] That's a handshake statement.

[1399] If I've ever heard.

[1400] Yeah.

[1401] You're not a bitch.

[1402] If you don't trust someone you've never met before.

[1403] Right.

[1404] Or don't know very well.

[1405] Right.

[1406] And I'm talking six, eight.

[1407] months in.

[1408] Yes.

[1409] No, trust must be earned by esteemable acts.

[1410] Yes.

[1411] And trustworthy acts.

[1412] Exactly.

[1413] If there have been none, trust doesn't exist.

[1414] Right.

[1415] And you're not a fucking cunt because you're where you're, don't let them gaslight you into thinking what an untrusting person you are when you have ample reason not to trust someone.

[1416] And as an acting cunt, I would just like to tell the people that are afraid to be one.

[1417] Actress cunt.

[1418] I mean, I act like one that come on over to this side.

[1419] Because if someone accuses you of that, it's really not that bad.

[1420] Right.

[1421] Most of the time, that just means that you're asserting yourself and not doing whatever another person wants you to do.

[1422] Right.

[1423] Which I don't recommend.

[1424] I love it.

[1425] I'm there with it.

[1426] Yay.

[1427] So Johnny, he goes to meet this woman.

[1428] And just after 7 o 'clock, he sends a message to his friends saying he's arrived at this date.

[1429] And it's the last time anyone hears from Johnny.

[1430] Realist, really.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] It's Canadian Thanksgiving, which is a thing.

[1433] In 2008, two days after Johnny had met with his date, Jen, when he misses a fucking much -anticipated bike trip with, like, motorcycle bike trip with his friends.

[1434] And they're all like, that's not like him.

[1435] And all he's super fucking punctual and reliable.

[1436] And then they get an email from John saying, quote, I met this extraordinary woman, Jen.

[1437] I'm going away with her to her summer home in Costa Rica.

[1438] I'll call you at Christmas time.

[1439] In a month.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] Okay.

[1442] Well, I'm assuming that Canadian things.

[1443] is around the time of American things.

[1444] You've got to imagine.

[1445] It's not in like fucking August, right?

[1446] I would hope.

[1447] Yeah.

[1448] So, yeah.

[1449] So they get like, if you got a message from your friends, like, goodbye, don't contact me. I'm going away.

[1450] No. No. So his friends and family, of course, like, that's not fucking right.

[1451] And they start calling around.

[1452] They get word when he doesn't show up for work.

[1453] They call the police.

[1454] The police are like, wait it out.

[1455] It's not a big deal.

[1456] His friends are like, you don't know, Johnny.

[1457] So they break into his apartment.

[1458] Oh, good.

[1459] Where they find his clothes, his suitcase, his passport, all of that shit.

[1460] There's no signs that he left on a vacation.

[1461] And so the police are probably like, all right, let's fucking look into this.

[1462] I love those friends.

[1463] I know.

[1464] I love that they broke into his apartment.

[1465] That's that kind of thing, too, where it's just like, you go kick that door down.

[1466] What's going to happen?

[1467] They're going to arrest you or you have to replace the door.

[1468] And if Johnny comes back from Costa Rica, you can be like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dick?

[1469] Yeah.

[1470] I'm not paying for your fucking door.

[1471] You need to call your friends and family.

[1472] And if, but he would never do that because if he came back from Costa Rica and was like, you guys, he would have been like, you love me so much.

[1473] I know.

[1474] I know.

[1475] I know.

[1476] Get hysterical sometimes.

[1477] Get in there.

[1478] do it.

[1479] Kick down doors.

[1480] This detective Bill Clark is assigned to Johnny's case.

[1481] Johnny's been missing for nine days at this point.

[1482] He follows the directions to the garage that he had given to his friend and contacts the person renting it, our fucking aspiring filmmaker Mark Twitchell, who's been shooting a movie there.

[1483] Twitchell's like, great, let's take a look.

[1484] He's like super into like, everything's fine.

[1485] I'll show you around.

[1486] Oh, the lock's been picked.

[1487] I don't know what's going on.

[1488] Like, someone must have been in here.

[1489] I haven't been in here since the 10th.

[1490] They find a receipt inside from the 15th from Mark's fucking, like he's, he just is not good at murder.

[1491] He's not good and he thinks he's great.

[1492] He thinks he's really fucking smart and he's truly one of the worst, like, most incompetent fucking people you've ever seen.

[1493] But he thinks he's smart.

[1494] So, um, he asks questions like he's concerned.

[1495] Um, and they don't consider him a suspect at all and they start questioning people around the neighborhood.

[1496] They find a couple who said that they saw, they witnessed an attack a couple weeks back.

[1497] They say that someone came out of a garage, running out of a garage, and trying to get help, and they freaked out and ran, and someone was, like, chasing him.

[1498] And they're like, it happened this time.

[1499] But the cops are like, that's weird.

[1500] It happened a week before Johnny's date.

[1501] So what the fuck are they talking about?

[1502] Oh, no. Mm -hmm.

[1503] So they go public with hopes of finding info.

[1504] and that's when this dude fucking guiles, Jill Tetro.

[1505] So this dude is a 33 -year -old contractor.

[1506] He had been separated from his wife.

[1507] He had joined plenty of fish at that time.

[1508] And he has a fucking story to tell that he hadn't come forward with.

[1509] So Friday, October 3rd, a week before Johnny had gone on his date.

[1510] He goes to Edmonds and Southside to meet a woman.

[1511] He had been chatting with on plenty of fish.

[1512] Sheena is an attractive woman.

[1513] Seems really anxious to meet him.

[1514] She's smart.

[1515] She's articulate.

[1516] They had been flirting.

[1517] She suggests dinner in a movie and they're going to go meet up at her house.

[1518] A few minutes past 7 o 'clock, he arrives, parks outside an open garage, goes into the garage.

[1519] It's too dark to see when someone starts attacking him and fucking uses a stun gun on him.

[1520] He gets shocked and he turns to see a man towering over him with a hockey mask on.

[1521] Oh, my God.

[1522] The guy in the mask pulls.

[1523] out a gun and points it at him.

[1524] And so this Tetro is like, oh, shit, this isn't my date.

[1525] And he forgot to tell anyone where he was going to be.

[1526] And he's like, oh, shit, I'm dead.

[1527] The masked man pushes him to the ground, covers his eyes with duct tape.

[1528] And Tetro rips the duct tape from his eyes and jumps to his feet.

[1529] And later he says, quote, I decided I better fight back.

[1530] I'd rather die my way than his way.

[1531] Yes.

[1532] And spoiler alert, I know this because he later writes a book called The One Who Got Away Escape from the Kill Room.

[1533] Whoa.

[1534] So this guy, he reaches to wrestle the gun out of this dude's hand.

[1535] He fucking finds, like, when he touches it, he realizes it's a plastic, fucking fake gun.

[1536] And they start fucking brawling.

[1537] And Tetro drops to the ground, fucking Indiana Joan rolls out under the garage door.

[1538] Yes.

[1539] Fucking gets out onto the street.

[1540] Throw me the idol.

[1541] I'll throw you the whip.

[1542] Yes.

[1543] He tries to run when he gets out there, but his legs aren't working because of the fucking stun gun.

[1544] He's crawling down the unpaid gravel driveway and fucking Mark Twitchell comes after him, grabs his fucking legs and starts pulling him into the garage.

[1545] It's saw.

[1546] It's the movie Saw.

[1547] Yeah.

[1548] Tetra looks up and sees a fucking couple out for a walk.

[1549] And he's like, oh my God, fucking help me. I'm getting robbed.

[1550] The couple freezes because they see this dude with duct tape and like getting fucking dragged.

[1551] And the person who's dragging them has a hockey mask on.

[1552] Like, what would you do?

[1553] Yeah.

[1554] You'd be like, what the fuck is this shit?

[1555] I would run toward that hockey mask.

[1556] Fingers out.

[1557] Let me help you.

[1558] Right.

[1559] No, they freaked out and they ran away.

[1560] But Mark had run away at that moment, too.

[1561] So they call 911, the cops get there, and by the time they're there, everyone's gone.

[1562] Okay.

[1563] But fucking Tetra was able to escape.

[1564] And he doesn't come forward because he's afraid of being followed and attacked.

[1565] He thinks the person must know who he is.

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] He does know who he is.

[1568] He has all his information from that dating website.

[1569] And he can't track him down on plenty of fish.

[1570] He's like, this is fucked up and scary, which sucks because if he had come forward, maybe something.

[1571] But it makes perfect sense.

[1572] It's like you basically went then through the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to you.

[1573] You feel like a stupid fucking idiot probably a little bit.

[1574] Well, there's, yeah, there's a lot involved there.

[1575] Yeah.

[1576] But then he comes forward when he finds out about this.

[1577] Yeah.

[1578] So days after Mark Twitchell's first interview, he comes back to the station and is like, oh, by the way, I meant to tell you guys this.

[1579] I actually bought a new car from a dude who was selling his car on the street.

[1580] It happens to be a Mazda hatchback, which is the same car that Johnny fucking drove.

[1581] So he's like, it was so weird.

[1582] This guy was selling his car on the street because he had met a really rich lady who was going to buy him a new car when they got back from their vacation in Costa Rica, like just trying to fucking, like overdoing his bullshit.

[1583] And which is what liars do.

[1584] Yes.

[1585] Saying he bought the car for $40.

[1586] And that's, yeah.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] So it's obviously stupid.

[1589] Of course, the cops are like, oh, shit, this guy's a fucking idiot.

[1590] Yeah.

[1591] But they don't have any hard evidence on him.

[1592] So they, he denies having anybody to do with it.

[1593] And, but obviously it becomes her prime suspect.

[1594] They get warrants to search his car and home and sees a bunch of fucking dumb movie props and personal effects.

[1595] It's October 27th.

[1596] they find a computer with a deleted file in his trash bin.

[1597] So he didn't empty this trash, but also, like, you can't just throw incriminating evidence into your fucking computer trash can and expect it to go away.

[1598] Especially if you don't empty that trash.

[1599] That's right.

[1600] It's not how it works.

[1601] Empty the trash.

[1602] Just kind of make it hard.

[1603] Cops like a board probably.

[1604] And they're like, just don't make this so easy for us.

[1605] Yeah, exactly.

[1606] So the opening, so the file is called SK Confessions.

[1607] S .K. stands for serial killer.

[1608] Oh, bro.

[1609] So this fucking stupid idiot, the opening line reads, this story is based on true events.

[1610] The names and events were altered slightly to protect the guilty.

[1611] This is a story of my progression into becoming a serial killer.

[1612] So he fucking details everything he does with slight variations and says it's a fucking script.

[1613] Wow.

[1614] He's so stupid.

[1615] The 40 -page document includes diary -like entries that detail his crimes.

[1616] and when Tetron reads the account of his attack through his words, he's like, it's reliving the event.

[1617] That's exactly what happened to me. Wow.

[1618] And there's a gruesome step by step of how the murder happened on October 10th of Johnny.

[1619] So it's a cold -blooded attack with a pipe and is followed by graphic details of dismemberment and where he hid the remains.

[1620] Oh, no. So he says exactly what he does coldly in his quote -unquote, script yeah um and they also realized that mark twitchell had fucking broken in to johnny's apartment and fucking used his email had gotten his fucking password and used his email to to send people messages that he was fine but like how creepy that was in his apartment yeah that's sinister um so now mark twitchill now 33 is arrested on Halloween of 2008 for the murder of johnny um Eltinger and police confiscate knives, saws, and a cleaver that are stained with Johnny's blood.

[1621] And they discover his deleted confession, but they still don't have a body fucking Mark Twitchell refuses to cooperate.

[1622] And there's video of him in the backseat of a fucking squad car being driven around for hours while the cops try to get him to talk.

[1623] And he's just quiet and stone face.

[1624] Like a real video.

[1625] It's so creepy.

[1626] Nine months later, though, he gives police a map marking the location of the.

[1627] body, which was in a sewer drain.

[1628] It's so sad.

[1629] So March 2011, March Trichael goes to trial for first degree murder.

[1630] And he takes the stand.

[1631] He admits that he lured Tetro and Johnny to his garage, but he wasn't planning on hurting them.

[1632] He says he attacked the men as a prank to get publicity for the movie that he was making.

[1633] And he assumed that they would talk about their attacks and it would help promote his film.

[1634] And he said it went wrong when John.

[1635] John got angry about the prank and started attacking March.

[1636] He said, Mark, he said it was fucking self -defense.

[1637] Bullshit.

[1638] Clearly, because then after the fact, you're sending people emails and you have all kinds of plans and schemes.

[1639] And you write it as if it's true.

[1640] Yeah.

[1641] He also claims that his writings aren't about the murder at all, but that S .K. doesn't for serial killer, but Stephen King, whatever.

[1642] He describes himself as a psychopath with little ability to feel empathy, but he's never diagnosed with any mental condition.

[1643] Of course, in the end, the fucking jury deliberates for five hours before finding him guilty of first -degree murder.

[1644] He's sentenced to life in prison and is currently serving that without the possibility of parole for 25 years in Saskatchewan and penitentiary.

[1645] So then I was doing some research and in an ironic twist, fucking Johnny Altinger, the victim, he was also a bit of a nerd himself.

[1646] he had been obsessed with computers since he was a kid and he got his first Commodore 64.

[1647] He was a fucking total computer nerd too and was obsessed with this stuff.

[1648] The only difference was he was in a fucking psychopath asshole.

[1649] So this was like the good guy.

[1650] He used his computer skills in the 90s to play text -based fantasy role -playing games like Legend of the Red Dragon using his dial -up modem.

[1651] And he even had the alias Ultra Magnus which is a character from Transformers as well.

[1652] So there's this weird similarity between the two except he wasn't a fucking piece of shit Johnny's friends and family described him as quiet affectionate and giving at his at the funeral but nobody said the same thing about Mark Twitchell in court and that's the fucking story of the Dexter copycat killer Wow yeah I feel like I've seen the whatever American justice version of that and it's so disturbing like that idea that you're arriving somewhere thinking you are starting a date like the most pure reason like date night energy and you get attacked by somebody in a fucking hockey mask and this guy was 40 he was like really wanting to settle down he wanted love and he met this it was just like the most pure reason yeah and that happens it's it's heartbreaking and awful it's horrible yeah it was good that's fucked up so uh what you hear that rain whoa or roller coaster all right okay okay hooray it's fucking hooray time it's fucking hooray time because of awfulness do you want me to go first sure I'm pretty sure I've told you this but I have like in the last I'd say month or two I can't remember when I upped my therapy to twice a week yeah and did I talk about this already no okay you've mentioned it but you haven't right it hasn't been like my I haven't repeated.

[1653] I'm not doing repeat fucking erase.

[1654] I mean, who gives a shit?

[1655] My normal therapy session, it would always end and feel like it just started and I was like mid -sob and going, oh, okay, bye.

[1656] And I hate that feeling.

[1657] And after a while, my therapist, Michelle, was just like, do you want to add another day so we don't feel so constricted by this?

[1658] Because it's just 50 minutes.

[1659] It's 50 minutes.

[1660] It goes by quick and you can see your fucking therapist glancing at what they think is their hidden fucking clock.

[1661] Yes.

[1662] Which is not.

[1663] We see your eyes.

[1664] Yes.

[1665] And there's kind of no. To me, no worse feeling in the world that I'm, when I'm mid -rant and my therapist sits forward in her chair just a tiny bit.

[1666] Because she gives me all these indications, like time is running out.

[1667] Well, now they do this thing that's new where they're listening to you and then they take their fucking, what's the card swipe machine and they put it in their phone.

[1668] Oh, no. Oh, mine does that.

[1669] No. No, no. They're continuing to talk about whatever you were talking about and then they plug in their fucking chip reader.

[1670] That's hilarious.

[1671] That's like in comedy clubs when they start dropping the checks while you're in the final 20 minutes of your act.

[1672] It's a bad feeling.

[1673] So basically she said, she was suggested another day and I was like, A yes, that's a great idea.

[1674] So I go two days a week, one right after the other.

[1675] And so anything we talk about on Tuesday, we follow up with on Wednesday.

[1676] And there's something about it.

[1677] It's helping me so much in terms, because like I will say something.

[1678] And then she'll go, no, actually.

[1679] And basically be able to be real time kind of course correcting.

[1680] me in my thought process.

[1681] So, like, I already talked about, like, when she was, like, write down five things that make you happy, it's almost like a meta version of that where she's like, I know what you mean, but actually you've told me this in the past and this is really what's going on.

[1682] So frustrating when you do that to yourself.

[1683] I know.

[1684] Where she, you know, because there's, you know, the more stress or the, like, the feelings that we deal with these days that are, that everything feels big and there feels like a lot of threat or what if we lose yes the stakes are very high she comes in and goes i just would like to remind you very quickly they're not yeah yeah yeah and then it really is like a centering grounding feeling and i just like for people who are like i don't even i'm too scared to go to therapy just please know there's some of us that are fucking doing it every day if she goes we need to start doing three days a week i would do it yeah because it really is just like being able to vent and have someone go okay but could you also look at it like this right i mean we've talked talk about therapy so much on this show, but it helps, it helps so much.

[1685] I just feel like I can feel real, the real effects of it.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] I love that.

[1689] Yeah.

[1690] Like you and I used to go to our dude and an hour would be up and you and I hadn't stopped yelling at each other.

[1691] So we started, he started, he started being like, uh, I don't have an ex, he like, I think he purposely wouldn't schedule a section, a session after us because I have another hour if you guys can stay.

[1692] So we were having two hour fucking sessions.

[1693] Yes.

[1694] Which is the only way to fucking solve anything yes and if you're in a place where like it takes time yeah to unravel bad dude things yes you have it's give yourself time memories mental states fucking learn behaviors and you have to you have to be taught how to look at things like you always look at things the way you look at them because you're doing it for a reason you have your reasons you have your self protections you have you know it should that worked you for a long fucking time and She says that all the time.

[1695] It got you where you are today.

[1696] Because I'm always in there going, I don't know why I do this and that.

[1697] It's like you got, you got yourself where you are today with these things that you're now saying are the worst things about you.

[1698] And that it's like it's just so helpful.

[1699] Or you think are still going to work when really your circumstances have completely changed.

[1700] So it's a defense mechanism that you don't need anymore.

[1701] That's right.

[1702] But it doesn't work real time because your body takes forever to follow.

[1703] And if you are in a state of threat and if you are in a state of threat and if you.

[1704] If you have no support and nothing, then you can't just go, oh, everything's different.

[1705] Great.

[1706] And you can't expect yourself to do that either.

[1707] So, you know, everybody that's trying or attempting or whatever just fucking year 14 of therapy, it's like I'm just starting to feel like things really breaking up in a meaningful way.

[1708] I love it.

[1709] It's nice.

[1710] Mine is, my fucking hooray is that yesterday or this week, whatever, it's mine invinces three -year wedding anniversary.

[1711] Are you serious?

[1712] yeah did did you guys get married right when we started this podcast pretty much i think you were like a last minute add on to the invite list because i was like well we're friends now i definitely was because i remember you going look at my ring like that's right like when we were recording and you called no you called me you were like one of the first people really yeah honey um yeah three fucking years congratulations which as thank you someone who never believed in marriage and like was always scared of marriage because it means that this is how you fall apart from each other.

[1713] Sure.

[1714] And, but knowing somewhere deep down that I did want the option to get married or hoping to find someone that I liked enough to marry and being three years in and Vince was like, we're even more in love.

[1715] And it was like, oh, my God.

[1716] Yeah.

[1717] That's how it works.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] Like I didn't know that would happen that you'd like each other even more.

[1720] I always, I always figured relationships were a steady decline.

[1721] Sure.

[1722] And I'd have a series of three to five year relationships for the rest of my fucking life.

[1723] And that's how it would be.

[1724] And I'd have to go to a lot of improv shows.

[1725] But meeting Vince.

[1726] That's what you got a day to stand -up.

[1727] That's right.

[1728] It's proven otherwise.

[1729] And I just want to say that we went to Muso and Franks for dinner with my mom and basically my stepdad John last night to celebrate our anniversary, which is so nerdy.

[1730] It was really fun.

[1731] I bet.

[1732] And they gave us a card, an anniversary card.

[1733] The last minute anniversary card.

[1734] I think it was a marriage card, not an anniversary card.

[1735] And it just said, whatever it said on it, she signed her name and John's and then wrote on the other side, gift to come.

[1736] That's what I wrote down that I wanted, gift to come.

[1737] That's what I wanted to tell.

[1738] Give me time to think about it.

[1739] So maybe I'll save that one because it's hilarious.

[1740] What the gift will be?

[1741] No, that card.

[1742] Oh, definitely save that.

[1743] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1744] Yes.

[1745] Well, I was just going to say, as a person who is forced to be with you, in your relationship a lot of the time.

[1746] You have a beautiful relationship that makes me happy to see.

[1747] And the way you guys talk to each other and talk with each other, like, so much communication.

[1748] But then on top of that, it's like the way you guys chat with each other, you like, you talk about stuff that's like, it's not like, here's my interest or here's your interest or whatever.

[1749] You're just great conversationalists and kind of just great communicators.

[1750] Thank you.

[1751] It's really lovely.

[1752] And I also really love because this is my parents used to do, and they were married for like 40 years.

[1753] When in the car, my mom used to just always put her hand over and put her hand on my dad's neck as he drove.

[1754] And I watch you do that with Vince all the time where you just kind of get in you and just like go and put your hand on his leg or whatever.

[1755] And it's just a lovely, yeah, you guys are doing it right.

[1756] Thank you.

[1757] I'm amazed that this happened that I met that we have each other.

[1758] You're very lucky.

[1759] And guess what?

[1760] Everyone.

[1761] We go to therapy too.

[1762] Yes.

[1763] Because you have to.

[1764] Because you have to because it's important.

[1765] And we're still great.

[1766] Yeah.

[1767] Even without it.

[1768] But it's great.

[1769] That means a lot to me that other people notice that too because I fucking, I'm amazed.

[1770] I love it.

[1771] Happy anniversary.

[1772] Thank you.

[1773] Thanks for listening.

[1774] You know, follow things and do this and that.

[1775] Yeah.

[1776] We have all these.

[1777] We plug things and we promote things.

[1778] Exactly right.

[1779] We have all these podcasts on our network.

[1780] And we have a podcast coming that we can't wait to tell you about.

[1781] We've an announcement coming.

[1782] It's going to blow your phone.

[1783] fucking socks off.

[1784] And maybe you've already heard of it.

[1785] We don't know, but we get to tell you soon.

[1786] And we're so excited.

[1787] We've been waiting for fucking ever to tell you.

[1788] And we can't wait.

[1789] But the exactly right network is like, our next slate of shows that we are going to premiere soon, we're so excited about them.

[1790] We have amazing talent, really good podcasts.

[1791] And so, you know, stick around for that because exactly right.

[1792] But I was going to say also, we promote stuff on here all the time and talk about stuff and you guys are so responsive as listeners and so supportive of everything we do it sounds hokey but honestly thank you so much yeah we feel like we have a million like sisters or like close cousins supporting us yes and we feel like we know you guys yeah it's we're really we're really grateful so thank you so much and stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye elvis you want a cookie