Calm Parenting Podcast XX
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[24] So I posted on Facebook today and ask parents, what are you struggling with most?
[25] and I promise to record a quick podcast to address these issues.
[26] So please keep in mind, these are quick answers.
[27] I hope you find them helpful.
[28] And I do ask you to give me a little bit of leeway here for some slightly flippant or different kind of answers that I haven't given before.
[29] For those who don't know, this is Kirk Martin Founder Celebrate Calm.
[30] You can find us to Celebrate Calm.
[31] Let's know if you need anything.
[32] We'll help you out.
[33] So here's the first question.
[34] How do you get over not feeling like you need everybody to be?
[35] be happy and like not feeling like you're responsible for everyone's happiness.
[36] Answer.
[37] Look, if you go through the straight talk for stressed out mom's program, which you should, we do a lot on this because it's so important.
[38] But for right now, here are a couple ideas for you.
[39] One, why does this trigger you so much?
[40] Why do you feel responsible for everybody else's happiness?
[41] Like when you were a child, did you have to step up and be the ultra responsible one?
[42] Sometimes that happens when you have parents, maybe a parent who's an alcoholic, or maybe you're raised by one parent, you kind of had to step up and be the parent.
[43] Did you learn that your mom and dad gave you extra attention and acceptance when you overachieved or were responsible?
[44] I just encourage you, there's no guilt, blame anything.
[45] Just dig into the root of this so you can kind of come up with what's the trigger here that caused you to be so moved and need everything to be just so?
[46] Or need like at family gatherings that you just had or may have upcoming of oh i've got to make sure everything's just fine i got to have all the table laid out the right way and anticipate aunt jones issues or my sisters or my sister -in -laws or my husbands what is driving that i'd ask you to intentionally practice not making everybody happy when you feel compelled next time you feel compelled we're kind of like this little guilt thing into doing something, catch yourself and don't do it on purpose.
[47] Do less.
[48] Don't fix everything in your home or when your relatives get together.
[49] Purposefully step back from it.
[50] Let it unfold.
[51] Get comfortable with imperfection.
[52] Get comfortable with the fact you don't have to be in control.
[53] See if that's the root of it, right?
[54] Like I've got to make sure everybody's happy because that gives me some measure of control.
[55] Really work on that.
[56] It's a new habit that you're building inside, but I want you to intentionally not make everybody happy.
[57] Here's a quick little, maybe you can start saying this in your head.
[58] You are responsible to your child, but not for your child.
[59] You are responsible to your spouse, but not for your spouse's happiness.
[60] See, I'm responsible to be patient, kind, compassionate giving, I'm responsible to model how to handle frustration and disappointment in life.
[61] But I'm not responsible for my child's or spouses, moods, and happiness in life.
[62] I hope that helps us practice that.
[63] See how we do it.
[64] Question.
[65] I would love to hear how you would handle a four -year -old belittling and putting siblings and peers down with his words.
[66] This child's good at building with Legos, creating things out of recycled materials.
[67] Pretty cool for a four -year -old listening to audiobooks, looking at books playing with kinetic sand and sensory bins.
[68] Well, look, when I hear that, I just want this kid with his hands in stuff all the time.
[69] I want him listening to an audio book while he's creating things.
[70] And this is when he's seven and eight and fourteen.
[71] That would be awesome.
[72] So look, when kids are putting down other kids, this is usually a slightly insecure kid who doesn't feel good about himself.
[73] and he has to put others down to make himself feel better about himself, right?
[74] Even at age four.
[75] It's pretty normal in some kids.
[76] We had all these kind of kids at our camp.
[77] And you know when kids will one up another kid?
[78] Well, I called our kids like seven uppers.
[79] So if another kid was like, well, I have 23 Ugi -O cards, one of these kids would be like, oh yeah, well, I have 700.
[80] I was like, no, you don't.
[81] But it's this insecure thing.
[82] And I hear it also in 40 -year -old men.
[83] but it's also right some of the insecurity so here are a few ideas one keep encouraging your four year old your seven your 15 year old to use his or her particular gifts and passions now don't overpraise your kids i don't want to go overboard with it oh you were so amazing at that your friends can't do that none of that just matter of factly you state what's true wow it's really creative it's really cool how you took that thing that i was going to throw away and turned it into something practical.
[84] It's awesome.
[85] Hey, you're really good at building things from scratch.
[86] I love how you can picture things in your brain and see things in three dimensions.
[87] It's really cool.
[88] See, it's just a true statement.
[89] And it just, I want to build confidence.
[90] Confidence.
[91] And that's part of the way you do that is giving kids things to do that they're naturally good at doing.
[92] So, number two, this may sound odd, but you ask what I tell a four -year -old.
[93] And I'll tell you first what I would not say.
[94] I would not lecture and I wouldn't use that condescending extra sweet voice that so many parents use now.
[95] Honey, you know, it's not nice to talk to people like that.
[96] Your child already knows that.
[97] And this tone sounds icky and condescending.
[98] I think I'd be more direct and blunt.
[99] Hey, you know, when you do that, you kind of sound like a jerk and I know you don't want to.
[100] Look, that's not being mean.
[101] It's just being honest and true.
[102] and insightful.
[103] Yet when you talk to your friend or your sister like that, it just makes you sound like a jerk.
[104] Here's what I found in life.
[105] People tend not to like it when other people talk to them like that.
[106] I have no saying, I have no problem even just saying like, hey, look, that makes you sound like a jerk.
[107] Because it does.
[108] And sometimes these kids need a more direct style of communication.
[109] You don't have to walk in a room and say, you know, you're a selfish jerk.
[110] No wonder nobody likes you.
[111] I didn't say that.
[112] I just said when you talk to other people like that, it makes you sound like a jerk.
[113] Or when you talk to other people like that, what I found in life is, it sounds not to like to hang out with people who do that.
[114] That's giving insight and it's true.
[115] Number three, let your child experience the natural backlash from brothers, sisters, and other kids who reject him or her and say something to them.
[116] Look, some of our kids are stove touchers and they need to learn the hard way.
[117] it's hard for you as a parent because you don't want your child to feel hurt but sometimes it's a really effective way to learn and then finally i would just model being a gracious giving person in your everyday life let them see how you talk to people how you're gracious to say man you're really good at that could you show me how to do that and eventually they will learn okay sibling thing right i don't know how to foster love and tolerance, and I'm not sure what's normal and what's going to affect their adult sibling relationships negatively.
[118] A couple thoughts.
[119] One, you're not going to get your kids to love each other.
[120] It's not even my goal.
[121] I just want siblings to not murder each other, but moms and dads let go with that, well, I just want my kids to get along, and I want them to appreciate each other.
[122] They're not going to, and that's okay.
[123] And maybe they will when they grow up and they mature a little bit.
[124] But when they're kids, I mean, I was kind of in a competition.
[125] I had three brothers.
[126] I'm competing for them with them for food, especially after my parents got divorced.
[127] We didn't have a lot of money.
[128] And so we didn't have a lot of different food, especially if my mom, our big thing was my mom would bring McDonald's home.
[129] And that was a huge deal, but she couldn't afford a lot.
[130] So it was like a one large fry.
[131] So I was competing.
[132] I hadn't learned the principle yet that it's good to put other people first.
[133] So I wanted to go for the French fries.
[134] Usually I lost because I had two older brothers and they'd pound me. So I let go of that.
[135] I just want them not to murder each other.
[136] I'd encourage you.
[137] Watch this in all of our parenting stuff projecting into the future.
[138] Well, I'm just concerned what's going to happen 15 years from now.
[139] I can't control that.
[140] So let that go.
[141] And that's going to be random anyway.
[142] I've got three brothers.
[143] My younger brother and I really close.
[144] talk a lot, text all the time.
[145] And I'm pretty close to my older brothers, but I didn't hang out with them as much.
[146] And I have a different relationship with each of my brothers.
[147] If I'm going through something or something's important, I will talk to the different brothers about different things.
[148] So let go of some of that projecting into the future.
[149] Let's deal with it what we have going on right now.
[150] One, kids pick fights.
[151] Why?
[152] One, it's normal.
[153] Two, it's a need for brain stimulation.
[154] I'm board, I pick on my sibling, and guess what?
[155] They react, and now my brain's stimulated because I am controlling the behavior of another human being.
[156] It's kind of fun.
[157] I'll show you what to do with that in a minute.
[158] Sometimes it's from resentment.
[159] I don't feel good about myself, and I've got this perfect brother and my mom and dad like my sibling better than they like me. Well, guess what?
[160] I'm going to pick on that sibling.
[161] That's human nature.
[162] So in this case, the mom on Facebook said, hey, it's from my almost 14 -year -old, kind of my pot stir.
[163] Well, if I've got a a pot stir.
[164] Here's what my first thought is.
[165] I've got to give him a different pot to stir and usually one not in my home.
[166] That child's looking for, needs a bigger mission, needs some brain stimulation.
[167] So one of my favorite things to do, and you're going to hear me say this and you're going to reject it because it sounds weird, go to a neighbor if you have one, if you live in a neighborhood and find an older couple or someone who will give your child a job to do, especially if they talk to your child directly.
[168] Hey, Jacob, I need your help.
[169] Come down to my house.
[170] I need you for 15 minutes.
[171] Your kids are usually awesome for other people, just not you.
[172] If you get an older couple in the neighborhood who ask your almost 14 year old to come help them do something, our kids like to feel helpful.
[173] They like being around older people.
[174] One because older people listen to them and give them all their attention.
[175] Why?
[176] Because they don't have anything else to do partially.
[177] And because they're this older couple whose kids are probably gone and so your 14 year old is very novel to them and he brings this cool teenage energy and it brings them back to their own teenage years and it brings them back to being a parent but they don't have all their anxiety about all anxiety about your 14 year old because he's not your kid and so they're probably really they they're conversations with him are probably very natural and now your 14 year old has the intention of another adult who's not telling him to do his chores and to do his homework and all these other things, and he's helping them.
[178] There's something very magical about seeing, I'll throw this in, about having something to give to someone else, to know that you're valuable.
[179] So I like at that age, when your kids get into that preteen and teen years, mission and mentor, I want them out of the home, I want them doing something for a neighbor in your community, at school, church, synagogue, mosque, wherever it is, doing something for someone else, serving other people, because what that does is I get out of my own head and my whole world isn't just about me, which is normal for teenage years.
[180] Everything's in the moment.
[181] And so I want to get them out of that.
[182] And so service projects, feeding the homeless, doing something for an older couple down the street, starting their own little business.
[183] Find any mentor that you can.
[184] Doesn't have to be an official mentor.
[185] Any other older person or adult who can give them some kind of job to do and says, oh, I could really use your help.
[186] That gives your child something to focus on.
[187] It gets them out of the home for a little bit, and space is really important.
[188] I like giving kids space from each other.
[189] It's unnatural to think that a family with two, three, four, five, six members is going to spend all their time together and just always enjoy it.
[190] That's not realistic.
[191] And so having some space apart from each other is actually really helpful, and that's what I'd look to do.
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[202] Get 25 % off your first order of phila with the code calm go to phila .com and type in the code calm that's p h y a dot com and use code word calm okay question uh letting go of wanting to control everything my 12 year old daughter with my 12 year old daughter and assert my position so i know this mom she's a really good mom and she's working really hard at this so kudos to your mom you're an awesome mom.
[203] One, I don't need you and you don't need to assert your position.
[204] One, it doesn't work.
[205] It's one of those phrases like, well, I just need to confront this person about their behavior.
[206] Okay, good luck with that.
[207] I'm going to bet you $100 ,000 that it's not going to go well because people don't like to be confronted about their behavior.
[208] I can talk to them and but confronting people.
[209] It's just one of those things of mom.
[210] Let go.
[211] Why do you have to assert your position?
[212] you've been modeling good behavior for your daughter for 12 years.
[213] She's at that time of life where she needs to now integrate that into her own life and she's going to push back.
[214] Why?
[215] Because she needs space and because kids at that age and many of you have four -year -olds who are doing this, the strong -willed child wants to own it.
[216] They want to own their choices and decisions and it's what you want ultimately because you're not raising a child, you're raising an adult.
[217] And so this is a good time, Mom, to step back a little bit.
[218] bit, no, you know what, I've done my job.
[219] I've lectured my daughter about 8 ,000 times already by age 12.
[220] I don't need to do that anymore.
[221] So what I like to do when kids get to that age is give them context and perspective.
[222] So instead of, look, when they're little, I tell them what to do.
[223] Here's what you need to do.
[224] When kids get older, I give them context and perspective.
[225] Hey, just something to think about.
[226] I found in life that when I do X or when people, do X, it just tends to work better.
[227] Then you walk away and you give them space to consider your wisdom.
[228] You just drop some wisdom in their lap, but instead of standing over them, expecting them to say, Mom, where did you get that wisdom?
[229] You're so smart.
[230] I can't wait to do what you want me to do.
[231] Instead, I step away and I put it in the child's court and now they wrestle with it on their own without you standing over them trying to make them do it or be grateful for your wisdom so let go of thinking that you can convince your daughter that your way is best it doesn't work it won't ever work you've already done your job by modeling for her how to handle life continue to do that be a resource walk by with teenagers i don't talk a whole lot i say short little And then I walk out of the room because I'm basically dropping a little bit of wisdom and then I'm letting it sit there instead of going on and on and on and I'm letting them incorporate it into their life.
[232] I like going low key every time you want to lecture your child.
[233] Instead, praise her for a specific action or choice she's made lately or a specific attribute.
[234] that she has.
[235] So you can still talk, but you shift from lecturing her and trying to convince her that you're right.
[236] And even when you use this tone with a four -year -old or 14 -year -old, it's really annoying.
[237] So stop it.
[238] It doesn't work.
[239] Be the grown -up, be the adult, talk to them like adults.
[240] You're really good mom.
[241] Just chill a little bit and stop asserting your position.
[242] So it's funny of the phrases people that we all use.
[243] Here's a good one.
[244] Getting teenagers to be helpful around the house and actually take responsibility for their chores.
[245] I've got a 15 -year -old who refuses to help or do anything in the house.
[246] I have two good options for you.
[247] Number one, go hardcore and declare martial law if simple things aren't done.
[248] This is that standard thing I do where I say, hey, here's the deal.
[249] I run three services in the home.
[250] A meal service, a taxi service, a laundry service.
[251] I'll do my three chores, you do your three chores.
[252] We're in the case of a strong will child, half a chore, because that's better than the zero that they're doing now.
[253] But it's very clear of, hey, you do your chores, I take care of my responsibilities, right?
[254] Even, you don't.
[255] I don't take you to soccer practice.
[256] I don't take you to buy food.
[257] I'm not doing these things for you.
[258] And so that is hard.
[259] hardcore martial law, but with no drama, I'm just letting you know how things run in the house.
[260] I'd encourage you to create a written list of their chores or things you expect so you don't have to talk and annoy your child with your annoying voice because the teenage voice is annoying and to a teenager, any adult voice just about is annoying.
[261] So I just don't talk a lot.
[262] There's no need to because otherwise it just provokes a lot of fights.
[263] And so if you lay that out very clearly, hey, I do three things around here.
[264] I ask you to do three things.
[265] You don't do your three things.
[266] Not going to take your place.
[267] It's not going to feed you.
[268] Then just do what you said you were going to do with no drama, no lectures.
[269] You know what?
[270] I told you what to do.
[271] You know, we had a contract.
[272] None of that.
[273] Just be a matter of fact, keep your promises.
[274] I promised you that if X didn't get done, I wasn't going to do X for you.
[275] Now, here's my honest answer.
[276] It's not going to work for most of you?
[277] Because most of your kids don't really care.
[278] They'll just go and they'll steal car keys or they'll call a neighbor or their 17 -year -old friend to come pick them up and take them to get food.
[279] So here's my honest answer with most strong -will kids.
[280] I would let this go if they are responsible outside the home.
[281] And I'll just tell you our very real experience with Casey as a teenager.
[282] Casey was not that awesome as a kid.
[283] He was not that great around the house.
[284] What he was was exceptionally responsible outside the home.
[285] What were we raising him to be a respectful man, young man, in the real world?
[286] I'm not training him to be a good kid.
[287] This is a really good point, but I'm not going to go off on it too much because we don't have a lot of time.
[288] This is supposed to be short.
[289] I'm not raising a kid to be a responsible kid.
[290] I'm raising, you're raising your children to be responsible in the real world and some of your kids are.
[291] They're just not that awesome at home.
[292] So by age 12, he already had a job and he was working pretty hard, refing ice hockey games.
[293] He showed up on time.
[294] He did the time clock well.
[295] He was respectful to his boss.
[296] He worked extra games.
[297] He worked really hard.
[298] He told his boss, because I told him this, I will do any games.
[299] Ref, any game that you want that all the other refus don't want to officiate.
[300] I'll come in early, do the early games.
[301] Nobody else wants to do.
[302] So guess what?
[303] He started being given, assigned a lot of games, making a lot of money.
[304] He also helped.
[305] There was an older couple down the street from us, and he would go down to their house and help them because he was pretty tall and he could reach things.
[306] And they were older.
[307] They couldn't get up on stools and do things.
[308] And Casey loved that.
[309] they would they would they got along so well and he was helping them and he also did work outside sometimes around the house things that he was good at doing and so here's what we said we just said those are his chores his chores as a 12 14 15 year old kid are to work a job to help other people and sometimes occasionally do stuff around the house or outside that he was good at doing he kicks butt now he's a 30 year old young man he kicks butt in the real world he is running the largest catering company in jackson hole wyoming while he works full time for me why because he wasn't always an obedient kid or even a great kid in our home but he always kicked butt in the real world and that's what's important so take that however you want to take it what would do you give your middle school child who constantly struggles with kids picking on him he's not the sports kid so he's in the minority he has a few friends or just not any of his classes okay a couple of things is very very common most of the kids i work with um they do not do well in sports if it's sports it tends to be an individual sport like um swimming gymnastics taekwondo even ice hockey which is a team but it's also kind of very individual and very physical they're good at very physical things so here a couple People things.
[310] One, I would normalize that middle school stinks.
[311] It is the hardest, I would tell my son, which is what I told my son, this is the hardest time of your entire life.
[312] Middle school stinks.
[313] It is an aberration.
[314] Middle school life will never happen again for the rest of your life, ever.
[315] It's a weird time of life where everybody's hormonal, where you're in between being a little kid and being a grown up.
[316] Everybody's awkward.
[317] It's weird.
[318] Don't worry about it.
[319] It is normal that it is okay that you are struggling with other middle school kids.
[320] It's normal and even preferable.
[321] You know why?
[322] Because middle school age kids don't have a lot of their stuff together.
[323] And the truth is that you are going to spend three years in middle school, but 60 years as an adult.
[324] And you don't necessarily like connecting with middle school kids because they're dopey and they're into things that you're not really into.
[325] and you are an old soul.
[326] You're better, have you ever noticed that you get along really well with older people and older kids?
[327] By the way, our kids are also very good, usually with younger kids and animals.
[328] And so, guess what?
[329] When you're an adult, you get to choose friends of any age.
[330] Right now, you're stuck kind of with idiot kids, your own age that you're not interested in.
[331] So it's normal to gravitate toward older people or to hang out with the animals and little kids, I get that.
[332] But when you're adult, your friends are going to likely.
[333] be older and more mature.
[334] So just get through these years and know that it's going to be okay.
[335] And there's nothing at all wrong with you.
[336] And then I would also look for that mission and mentor thing we talk about, letting him find his place and space, finding a couple key friends, having a teacher give him a job or get, here's a good one.
[337] Give kids a special mission, not a chore in school, but a special mission doing something they're good at, pulling your child aside and saying, oh man, Benjamin, you are awesome at doing X. Hey, could you and Frankie over here, could you guys stay after class one day and help me with this project?
[338] Well, they like being helpful, especially things they're good at doing.
[339] And now the teacher just paired him with another kid in class doing something special.
[340] I like that a lot.
[341] Another one was general bad attitude for a preteen or teen.
[342] Again, fairly normal mission and mentor really, really help.
[343] because it gets them looking outside of themselves.
[344] Final question I believe, oh, I have one where I just have the answer.
[345] Seriously, stop doing so much for your kids.
[346] I don't remember what the question was, but just try that this week.
[347] Stop doing so much for them.
[348] And instead look at your kids and say, I believe you're capable of doing that by yourself.
[349] I believe you're capable of handling that frustration.
[350] It's a great phrase to you.
[351] So final one, this is a really good dad.
[352] And I like, this dad has worked hard on himself.
[353] His name's Scott.
[354] And I have a lot of respect for Scott.
[355] And if all the men out there worked as hard on themselves as Scott has, man, everything would be different in our society.
[356] So this is a good man. But he's got a seven -year -old who loses it and then starts slamming and throwing things.
[357] And of course he does because there's potential damage to the home.
[358] But more of it is we get, and this dad said this, it's the uncontrolled anger and a fear that it can eventually escalate to more than just throwing pillows and slamming doors.
[359] And I get that, right?
[360] Especially around the holidays and know that your kids are off their schedule.
[361] They're extra tired like me. They're eating a lot of extra sweets and some different things.
[362] So they're just going to be off.
[363] So, you know, just take things, ratchet things down a little bit.
[364] Ratchet your expectations down a little bit so everybody can chill.
[365] So a couple things because I know other parents won this one address.
[366] My friend here who asked this question, he already knows this.
[367] one, but I'm doing it for other people.
[368] Give intensity.
[369] When kids get intense, this is counterintuitive, but we often go and we start talking like this.
[370] Hey, it's okay.
[371] It sounds dismissive and sounds like you're not taking them seriously.
[372] I like giving kids intensity when they're intense, but I give them positive intensity.
[373] And I often validate an intense.
[374] Oh, man, are you?
[375] I'd be frustrated too.
[376] That is oftentimes very calming.
[377] Now, here's a weird one.
[378] I've been through this on a lot of podcasts and all of our materials.
[379] We go through How to Calm Kids by doing something intense with them, whether that's doing jumping jacks up, something very physical.
[380] I have a weird idea for you.
[381] And it's this.
[382] When they go and they throw something, I want you to go and throw something off also.
[383] Just try it.
[384] There's something very therapeutic, actually, about throwing things.
[385] I can feel it myself.
[386] I know I'm the calm guy, but occasionally.
[387] usually, I get frustrated.
[388] And when I get over the top, you know what my first instinct is?
[389] I want to throw something.
[390] Like, it's usually my phone, but I'm too cheap to throw it really hard because I don't want it to break because then I'll feel like an idiot and it'll cost a lot of money to break it and I didn't buy the warranty for it.
[391] So if I throw it and I have done this, I will often throw it at the sofa.
[392] You know why?
[393] Because the sofa's soft and I'm not an idiot.
[394] When I lose it, I try to stay a little bit under control.
[395] But there's something very therapeutic about throwing something.
[396] So I was doing this phone consultation with this couple weeks ago and I said, hey, I've got an idea for you, which is weird.
[397] But think about this.
[398] This isn't a situation where your child goes from like zero to 100 very quickly.
[399] And you can't have that talk of like, hey, let's identify your feelings, which doesn't work anyway.
[400] And so in that moment, I want to match the intensity.
[401] So, I told this couple, I was like, you almost always have eggs in the fridge, go grab a couple eggs from that cart in the fridge and say, hey, follow me. There's some intensity there.
[402] There's purposefulness.
[403] And then you go outside and you throw those eggs against something, especially if it's not going to cause the siding over your house to be discolored or hurt somebody else's car.
[404] Throwing eggs is kind of cool because it feels good.
[405] in your hand, you throw it, it splats, and there's something about that.
[406] I know that may be weird, but you could set up some things in your basement in your backyard where you have cans set up and you throw, you have some tennis balls out there, and you throw them, and you knock those cans off because it feels good.
[407] There's something concrete about hitting something off of something else.
[408] You get the sound, you get the, you know, even hitting something, you know, punching, bag, all those things are great, even feeling that like vibration in your hand, the sound of it, completing a task sometime of, that's why I have for a lot of our kids, shoveling mulch, digging holes, doing very physical work is very, very therapeutic.
[409] And this is why I love one of our ideas you'll hear, if you listen to the dad's program, is for a dad to come home from work one day or come out of his home office, say, guys, I am frustrated.
[410] I'm a really hard work.
[411] I'm so p -oed.
[412] All these things have been going wrong in my day.
[413] Will you guys do some push -ups with me?
[414] And I guarantee you if dad gets down on the floor, moms you can do this too.
[415] But I like doing this with dads.
[416] Is dad gets down on the floor and starts doing push -ups, I guarantee you little kids are going to start doing push -ups with him.
[417] Now your strong -willed child is going to be like, bet you can't do 20, dad, get down lower.
[418] Can I hop on your back?
[419] If they're not too heavy, just do.
[420] it.
[421] And here's what's cool.
[422] The dad in the home has now just modeled what?
[423] Things don't always go my way.
[424] I get frustrated.
[425] I'm disappointed.
[426] And instead of throwing things and hitting things and yelling at people and slamming the front door, my dad does as push -ups or whatever it is that you do physically.
[427] That's great modeling.
[428] But for the dad who asks this, I think I try both the intensity of the positive intensity.
[429] I don't be frustrated too.
[430] And then let's do something like grabbing a couple eggs or having a plan.
[431] I like to have things.
[432] You know your child is like this.
[433] So have a plan for how to deal with when he's emotionally on fire.
[434] It's like having a plan in your home.
[435] Hey, if our home catches on fire, here's our plan.
[436] Here's our escape plan.
[437] You practice it.
[438] This is what we do.
[439] So when someone is emotionally on fire in the home, how do you handle that?
[440] Okay, I got to stop.
[441] This ended up being 30 minutes.
[442] I hope you find this helpful.
[443] I will put this on the Facebook page for those who are on there.
[444] I know there are some people who ask some other questions, and I will get to those on maybe another podcast.
[445] But if we can help you in any way, reach out to our son Casey, C -A -S -A -Y, Celebrate Calm .com.
[446] He'll help you out.
[447] We do have our Christmas sale.
[448] We're going to extend it.
[449] Why?
[450] Because why not?
[451] And look, even if we don't, just email Casey and say, hey, I need your resources.
[452] Here's my budget.
[453] here's what I can do.
[454] Can you work with me?
[455] And Casey's answer will always be, of course I can work with you because you're not my mom and dad because he's like your kids.
[456] I'm kidding, but he will help you.
[457] So, hey, if we can help you with anything else, please let us know.
[458] Love you all.
[459] Bye -bye.