153 - MFM: Origins

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Hi, everyone.

[17] Stephen here, dropping you to say hi while we're on our holiday break, hoping you at an amazing holiday.

[18] today's very special episode is a look back at the origins of some of your favorite moments from the early days of my favorite murder.

[19] Thank you, enjoy, and we'll be back with brand new episodes in 2019.

[20] It's really happening.

[21] It's really happening.

[22] Georgia.

[23] Hey.

[24] Hard start.

[25] Karen Kilgara.

[26] Just go to sleep.

[27] Let's get comfy.

[28] Let's just relax into what we're about to do.

[29] That's what we're about big facts and truths.

[30] So stop listening now.

[31] can handle the truth and facts or spoilers like the guy killed his wife on the stairs like a dude like it's not a mystery i don't think a i don't think a spoiler is ever the guy killed his wife because it's like yeah the guy killed his wife yeah yeah like a spoiler is that an owl did it that's exactly right good point so we're gonna so this is are we calling this my favorite murder i thought you're gonna say are we recording this so do you want to start wait is this what we're should we start my favorite murder and it's going to be real fucked up and we might be inviting a murderer into our lives by doing this I mean but here's the thing and this is why I'm so fascinated by this topic in general we might already know a murderer oh my god like probably probably and in that way where they're just in a very cat like removed Dexter way just observing all this with the kind of oh they think they think they're smart yeah isn't that cute and quaint that's like the moment in silence the lambs or She's like, may I use your phone please?

[32] Right.

[33] Or you try to act calm, but there's no way to be calm.

[34] Right.

[35] Oh, you know, I read an article recently.

[36] That was just an interview from the two of the, the, uh, Mr. I don't want to hurt your dog and puts the lotion on, I read an article that was just interviewing the two of them and what their experiences were like, and it was amazing.

[37] Were they together?

[38] No. Oh, okay.

[39] It was like quotes from both of them.

[40] That's so funny.

[41] That's a, I've never heard that story before.

[42] Every time I see, Mr. I got your dog, every time I see her in anything, I was like, I'm so proud.

[43] Did you know she was in Grey's Anatomy?

[44] Yeah.

[45] I did not realize what was her telling her read that article.

[46] I was so happy for her.

[47] She's doing great.

[48] She's fine.

[49] Life after the pit.

[50] Residual money.

[51] Okay, here's mine.

[52] This, I'm going to read this one from someone on her Facebook group, Lori Baker Martin.

[53] Darling girl, she says, here's a murder that happened in my hometown of Coffeyville, Kansas on December 11th, 1999.

[54] A man named John Dalton.

[55] a social worker married a woman with two kids.

[56] Her name was Holly Stack.

[57] No one knows exactly what sent John Dalton off the deep end of these things.

[58] His former landlady said he was kind, attentive, charming.

[59] But he hid behind a door in their house on that day and waited for his two stepchildren to come home from school and then beat them to death with an aluminum baseball bat.

[60] I know.

[61] Then he hid out and waited for Holly to come home from work.

[62] He did the same to her.

[63] He stayed in the house with those three horribly mutilated bodies for three days.

[64] He even ate meals in the kitchen with them.

[65] So clearly he fucking went.

[66] Something went.

[67] It's not like he just wanted to kill them.

[68] Like something went, something snapped.

[69] Yeah.

[70] In the end of it, this story is both unsatisfactory and fulfilling.

[71] John Dalton was arrested in charge with the murders, but he never stood trial.

[72] While he was waiting for trial, he developed throat cancer and succumbed to it behind bars two years later.

[73] On a more satisfying note, Coffeyville has located a safe house for Coffeyville has started a safe house for women on that site, at that site.

[74] Oh, that's cool.

[75] It's called Holly's house.

[76] Incidentally, while I don't think John Dalton was a relative of Coffeyville's famous Dalton gang members, the shootout between that gang and townspeople in 1892 resulted in the death of four gang members, four townspeople and the sheriff.

[77] It's Coffeyville's claim to fame.

[78] Wow, Coffeyville.

[79] Who would have found Coffeyville, Kansas?

[80] I do love those Midwestern stories, though, because there's something extra like, you know, it's all quiet and crickets at night and everything and then just someone waiting behind a door well are you watching the new stephen king hulu fucking no dude is it so good dude it's so good what's it called 11 what's the date that oh 11 23 63 oh i didn't realize that was Stephen king that's the day Kennedy was killed and the whole thing is like a going back and it's like a back to the future thing oh it's fuck it's good it might get i it's good it's really good it's fun i got to see it if you're into like you know this he goes back in time and tries to stop president kennedy from being killed oh my god just like your dream like my dream for his brother right because i don't think anything could have been done at that point but but it's good and like other little things along the way there's like other storylines it's really it's fun awesome everyone should watch it it's on hulu i love it yeah uh wow that was fun.

[81] Yeah.

[82] Action pack.

[83] A lot of bats.

[84] A lot of baseball bats, unfortunately.

[85] A lot of terrible children.

[86] Don't keep a baseball bat in your house, people.

[87] But keep those murder stories coming.

[88] Please.

[89] We do love them and we are reading them.

[90] Oh my God, we are.

[91] And it's just kind of exciting.

[92] Yeah, we love it.

[93] You guys, thanks for listening.

[94] Follow us on all the places we talked about earlier.

[95] And rate us on iTunes, rate review and subscribe.

[96] Please do that because that gets us so many more viewers and listeners, like the higher up we get.

[97] And we want everyone to listen to this because we want everyone to be fucked up in the head.

[98] Yay.

[99] We need to share, you know, what's sharing is caring.

[100] It definitely is.

[101] And, uh, you know, stay sexy.

[102] Stay sexy.

[103] Don't get murdered.

[104] Bye.

[105] Bye.

[106] Do you want to read a hometown murder or are you done?

[107] Should we save it for next week?

[108] Maybe we're emotionally.

[109] I'm wrong out.

[110] We're emotionally exhausted.

[111] I love it.

[112] This murder podcast has murdered us.

[113] It's really going to get us to a new place.

[114] Yeah.

[115] But I totally forgot about that thing that happened to me. I swear to go.

[116] This is bringing up shit and we're probably going to talk to therapists about it.

[117] Is there something positive we can talk about?

[118] Did you ever...

[119] I just snorted like snod in my nose like a fucking third grader.

[120] No, I love it.

[121] You're sick.

[122] It's okay.

[123] Um, no, they can go on to other podcasts for like all kinds.

[124] Here, let me, Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[125] Want a cookie?

[126] Okay, that's, there, that's a positive.

[127] That's, okay.

[128] Elvis, cookie?

[129] Um, God, did you ever think we'd get when we were recording the first one that we'd record nine more?

[130] I never thought we'd get this far.

[131] I mean, it is special.

[132] It's a special thing.

[133] It was a thing that we talked about a couple times, and then we actually did.

[134] Then we just did it without ever talking about it again.

[135] We're just like, let's fucking do it.

[136] Which I think is like, that's how you do things.

[137] I think so.

[138] Don't overthink it.

[139] No. Don't be afraid to fail.

[140] Don't over plan.

[141] Don't plan.

[142] Floss.

[143] And floss and wear SPF, 30 or higher.

[144] You heard the song.

[145] You know what you're supposed to wear.

[146] I mean, listen.

[147] Look.

[148] Look and listen.

[149] Look and listen.

[150] wear your mother watch how to your coat listen to your mothers Karen and Georgia listen to your mother listen to your mother I'm Georgia I'm Georgia I'm Karen and this is my favorite murder welcome to my favorite murder what is it about the Pacific Northwest I mean seriously this is like I always think of Twin Peaks where it's like haunted forest bad spirits emanating from an ancient site and then going into downtown Seattle and just fucking up lives.

[151] There's so much land in which to bury and hide people.

[152] There's depression because the weather is so fucking dark.

[153] Right?

[154] Yes.

[155] Dark thoughts.

[156] Everyone there has seasonal defective disorder all year round.

[157] Across the board.

[158] It's called depression.

[159] It's called depression.

[160] Everyone's got it.

[161] And it makes them serial kill.

[162] No, it's heavy.

[163] I have to say the couple times I've into Seattle.

[164] I've had a lovely time and it's been in the summer.

[165] It's so beautiful.

[166] I can't stand it.

[167] But it's always it's like L .A. people go there in the summer and then they're like, what are they saying about Seattle?

[168] Everyone's wrong.

[169] And then you leave.

[170] I have a message for everyone in other parts of the country.

[171] Okay.

[172] Move to Los Angeles.

[173] It's sunny.

[174] Literally it's what you make fun of.

[175] It's constantly sunny.

[176] There's no seasons.

[177] Which I know like, I love seasons, but you love it until mid -February.

[178] Yeah.

[179] and it's kind of dirty, but in a way that makes you feel like you're going to be okay.

[180] And would you rather get dismembered or just like get a random bullet on the freeway in your head?

[181] I mean, pick one.

[182] Karen, pick one.

[183] Right now?

[184] Yeah.

[185] Yeah, random bullet.

[186] Random bullet.

[187] Yeah.

[188] Although once you're dead, the dismemberment doesn't affect you.

[189] That it affects your family.

[190] No, that's very true.

[191] Also, stuffing someone into a garbage can of any kind is such an aggressive act.

[192] of there's so much hatred in that act and that's vile it's amateur hour too because like what are you of course they're going to find they're going to find that which maybe he wanted that to happen did so he got caught i think they immediately like just went on her computer i think so what i think happened is it wasn't it wasn't premeditated oh you know what i mean because he snapped because if he if someone has that much information about you on their computer and like match that you were going out with that person that night and you went missing from there yeah something went wrong clearly it's going to come straight back to you clearly you have an anger issue and you snapped oh here's the thing fuck everyone right that's we should have said that right at the beginning this podcast should be called here's the thing fuck everyone here's the thing everyone fuck everyone except for you guys except thanks for listening it just is so like it's the classic don't go to a second location with someone named Jim Jones you know or a hippie the 30 rock Joe right exactly or the sign tall I was just reading today about how the David Miscovich's wife Shelley Miscovich is like missing as fuck yep for years for years and they finally put out police report for her missing persons but there's some like compound where they keep like high ups and like just torture them constantly in Florida yeah I think so so she's probably there So don't go, don't say you'll go somewhere else with someone.

[193] No. Don't go anywhere.

[194] Don't go anywhere.

[195] Don't leave your house.

[196] Stay in your apartment.

[197] You know, that makes me think they've got to rescind the religious tax status for Scientology.

[198] It's been proven that it's not an actual religion.

[199] It's insane.

[200] That it's basically a humongous pyramid scheme.

[201] I apologize if it's your religion and you're offended right now.

[202] I don't think they don't want you to be mad at me, but you're in a cult.

[203] Call your dad or someone that can help you.

[204] Your parents actually love you, even if they're, uh, what is it called?

[205] A negator.

[206] What's it called in Scientology?

[207] You're a, um, a negative something.

[208] Yeah, you're like, you've got body thetons and your, you're, you're, uh, shit, there's a specific word.

[209] Trophy?

[210] No, that was last week.

[211] Yeah.

[212] Well, if you've got a hometown story, we want to know about it.

[213] We do.

[214] We're going to do a mini, so we keep saying that, but we really are going to.

[215] So please send us yours, um, so we can, uh, um, so we can talk about it.

[216] It's a my favorite murder at Gmail.

[217] That's right.

[218] And look out for the T -shirts.

[219] They're coming soon.

[220] And rate, review, and subscribe, please, on iTunes for those ratings.

[221] We're on that comedy chart, man. Yeah.

[222] Someone said they saw us in the top 10.

[223] No way.

[224] That's what someone said to me. But I didn't look it up because I was like, oh, my God.

[225] And also then, whatever.

[226] I'm going to hold that as fact.

[227] you know what i think we're number one uh thank you guys for listening yeah and thank you for your support your great listeners yeah so much fun let's can we this is our tagline now right and are you okay with this yeah okay so you do your part and i'll do my part all right you guys stay sexy don't get murdered Elvis do you want a cookie okay bye hey they could have saved her and then she could die but here's who did save her who she walks a little furrow a couple who was on their honeymoon.

[228] Oh, no, no, no. Who took the wrong exit and is driving around trying to get back to the I -5.

[229] Oh, which is close enough so that Mary heard the noise of the I -5 all day and was like, I just have to get back up because there will be someone if I walk toward that sound.

[230] So that's how she guided herself back toward civilization.

[231] These people grab her, put her in the back of the truck and say, we're going to get you help.

[232] And she said she heard them speeding so fast you could hear the tire screeching.

[233] They get to a phone.

[234] Can I say real quick what half the people listening that the murderinos?

[235] Yeah.

[236] Dream honeymoon.

[237] Exactly.

[238] Exactly.

[239] Like what are else you going to do if I can't play Canasta?

[240] Well, because imagine you're like, oh, I've married.

[241] I love him so much.

[242] He's the man for me. now if the man for you was one of those guys in that convertible who just like we have to get out of here you'd be like you get out of my life forever I bet they're still together 100 % yeah they get to that pay phone they call and they air left her to the hospital so it wasn't even an ambulance situation they were like straight in so oh honey the relief she must have felt oh my god to be in to be saved so she sorry I'm on the next page already.

[243] Because here's, by the way, I won't everyone to know you're like fucking telling this.

[244] You're not even looking at your notes.

[245] Because this, because I remember this happening when I was little.

[246] Holy shit.

[247] And my, I remember my mother being so livid.

[248] And she would talk about Lawrence Singleton, this disgusting piece of shit.

[249] She would talk about him all the time.

[250] Well, because I'll get into it.

[251] I have to go faster.

[252] Was all these, were all these details on the news?

[253] No. But it was, it was a man who, raped a girl, chopped her arms off and threw her into a ditch.

[254] That's enough.

[255] That was plenty.

[256] Yeah.

[257] Because you can't, that's when it was like, oh my God, that could happen.

[258] Totally.

[259] That's real.

[260] Even the word rape.

[261] you don't even talk about, like couples in fucking sitcoms didn't sleep in the same bed.

[262] Right, exactly.

[263] Well, I'm not from the 50s, Georgia.

[264] Oh my God.

[265] I mean that the Brady Bunch was the, so.

[266] Oh, my God.

[267] So she lost over half the blood in her body.

[268] Wow.

[269] But it, From her hospital bed, she described a picture of him so accurately to the police sketch artist that Lawrence Singleton's next door neighbor saw it and immediately called the police.

[270] Even though she was friends with him and knew him for years, she was like, that's Lawrence Singleton.

[271] That's my next door neighbor.

[272] She's one of us.

[273] So, yes, exactly.

[274] So, and I do have to say this.

[275] In the article that I found that a piece of information from, for some reason in the line, it said housewife and bowling expert.

[276] Wow.

[277] I want her life.

[278] They really described her to a tea.

[279] I really want that life.

[280] That's a pretty good life.

[281] So they arrest Lauren Singleton nine days later.

[282] I like to call him Larry.

[283] And when he was questioned, Singleton told the police that Mary was a $10 whore, that he was passed out drunk in his van, and that his other friend Larry is the, one that attacked her and that there were two other hookers in the van at the time um what a fucking monster lunatic so she testifies against him in court get a girl um with two prosthetic her two prosthetic limbs on she'd already been fitted for them she was still a teenager i mean that's a that is a hard thing to do on its own now listen to this as she walks out after testifying against him he whispers to her, if it's the last thing I do, I'll finish the job.

[284] I was hoping she'd say motherfucker or like something at him.

[285] No. Oh, that poor girl.

[286] She ran out.

[287] So, in March of 1979, a San Diego jury convicts him of kidnapping mayhem, attempted murder, forcible rape, sodomy, and forced oral copulation, and gives him the maximum sentence at the time.

[288] Can I guess?

[289] No. Go ahead.

[290] Sorry, I'm just keep interrupting it.

[291] No, no, no. years?

[292] 14 years.

[293] For all of that, for all of those crimes combined, maximum legal sentence was 14 years.

[294] That's like almost how old she was.

[295] Yes, that's exactly right.

[296] So the judge who had to pass that sentence said, if I had the power, I would send him to prison for the rest of his natural life.

[297] I have a present for you and for me from a listener.

[298] is this our first listener like viewer mail yeah i have a listener mail i don't worry i have a p o box so if anyone wants to send us shit you can message me and if you're not insane and have okay grandma i'll give you our p o box number um so caroline abernathy sent us a present caroline to my p o box she's a sweet baby angel have you already opened it i fucking have and i know she already she was like i'm sending you this thing and i'm like great oh awesome I'll tell Karen.

[299] So the first thing I thought of, it's full of live moms.

[300] I haven't opened it.

[301] Cabeoom.

[302] And that's how they died.

[303] So she, so she can, she sells this in her Etsy shop.

[304] It's called her Etsy shop is anime gravy with a capital A. I don't know if that's necessary.

[305] Like you have to put it in or whatever.

[306] Are you ready for this present?

[307] Okay.

[308] I'll have to my mic down real quick.

[309] Okay.

[310] She's unscrolling a, a small, it's to stay sexy.

[311] Don't get murdered with Elvis and the Owl poster?

[312] We each have our own.

[313] Yes.

[314] Oh my God.

[315] This is gorgeous.

[316] I know.

[317] So this chick is so for new listeners, I mean, get with the program.

[318] But so we always.

[319] First of all.

[320] First of all, let us reprimand you by being for being real.

[321] So this is amazing.

[322] Stay sexy.

[323] Don't get murdered is our catch.

[324] The thing we always say.

[325] Our catchphrase.

[326] No, it's just the thing we started saying.

[327] and people like it.

[328] My catchphrase is, what are you talking about, Willis?

[329] We've discussed how we've discussed it, essentially.

[330] So there's a lot of people who are like, wait, when did they talk about this?

[331] It's disgusted.

[332] Yeah, it is disgusting.

[333] This is amazing.

[334] And it's like my, it's like, look, it's the color of my walls, too.

[335] It's like this like mint green that I'm obsessed with.

[336] Beautiful.

[337] It's so cute.

[338] This is the best.

[339] So you guys can go to anime gravy and you can buy it.

[340] I want to tell everyone it's just $10, but I feel like she should up the price right now.

[341] This is worth more than $10.

[342] It's only $25.

[343] dollars.

[344] Caroline Abernathy?

[345] Yeah.

[346] That's really cool.

[347] Thank you so much.

[348] Should I read?

[349] I haven't read the note, actually.

[350] Oh, let's see.

[351] Should I read the note?

[352] Yes.

[353] Dear Karen and Georgia, I'm so happy that you like my drawing.

[354] Thanks for always making me laugh, then feel dumb just fuck about all the murders, then smile again by asking Elvis if he wants a cookie.

[355] I've introduced multiple friends to your podcast.

[356] It's the perfect friend filter to see who's cool enough to hang out with murderinos.

[357] Yay.

[358] You too rock so fucking hard.

[359] Stay sexy.

[360] Don't get murdered, Caroline.

[361] thank you oh my god that's i love it so much that's really exciting i'm gonna get it framed i love it let's let's hey stephen will you look that up for us since you're here oh you guys this month this week we have a sound recording engineer right remember how we had technical difficulties last week stephen i'm i'm helping us the sound not get murdered thank you stephen ray morris who you know and love is helping us because tech diffs last week we're trying to get up we're just trying to be professional.

[362] You know how we, you know how we strive and aspire to be better every week.

[363] I've never felt worse about like a bit more bummed about not having a belch ready when you said that.

[364] I'm like, you know me. I'm fucking belch.

[365] Get one ready and then drop it in as a surprise at some point during the podcast.

[366] And it will.

[367] Okay, great.

[368] So, okay.

[369] So let's get to the Survivor.

[370] All right?

[371] Fucking badass bitch.

[372] Her name was Maria Virachiva.

[373] Vera Chava She was 19 and 3 months pregnant Which already you're like, come on Like let me get through this Yeah, you know Um pregnant and her The man she was, her boyfriend was a friend of this killer Oh Which is like date someone else Find better friends She met him She ran into him at work She and her boyfriend I just got into a huge fight And so she was pissed off Like hanging out near the metro station And he saw her and was like and he had been hunting for a victim and this is in February of 2002.

[374] I should have started with that.

[375] So he said that most of his male victims, he was able to get them away with alcohol was the thing that they, the reason they would go with him.

[376] But for women, he said, quote, women always need to have a financial interest.

[377] Fuck you.

[378] You don't know me?

[379] Man, I like vodka.

[380] I know.

[381] I don't need your friends.

[382] fucking money.

[383] I like dead pets, graves, stupid.

[384] I'll cheers over that.

[385] Dick.

[386] So he says to her that that he has several boxes of brand new contraband cameras.

[387] Oh yeah.

[388] No, sorry.

[389] Women always love cameras.

[390] That's really true.

[391] If there's some kind of deal going, like a sales deal or they're like, oh, I have this thing.

[392] I'm going to cut you in on it.

[393] Just say no. Even if it's true, you're still probably going to get arrested.

[394] There's, you have to pay for things that you want in this life.

[395] When you try to sidestep that fact, you're, you're, you mess with the wrong people.

[396] You end up in the forest at a dog's grave, what have you, and then with a vodka bottle on your head.

[397] Free money isn't free.

[398] Like, just, just go without.

[399] Just, just get a job.

[400] Buy your own shit.

[401] Stay out of the forest.

[402] It's never going to be chill.

[403] That's going to be the quote.

[404] Get a job.

[405] What was it?

[406] Get a job.

[407] Anytime we list anything in three years, we want you to put it on a poster.

[408] There was another one.

[409] Shit, Karen is full of quotes tonight.

[410] I'm full of beans.

[411] Sonny beans.

[412] Oh my God.

[413] Okay.

[414] We've got to get through this.

[415] I also want to say really quickly that in therapy, one of the things I talked about was that how crazy I am and how much anxiety I have because when I go to the back of my building to do laundry, I lock my front door and how crazy is that that I think someone's going break in and then I read an article there's a fucking echo park rapist and one of the ways he got into her house was when she was doing fucking laundry in the back of her apartment and she left her door and lock and went in there is it it's it's not anxiety when you're just being careful I texted my therapist and now she doesn't want to see me anymore and now she said find someone else no she was like you know we're allowed to take certain precautions and that's okay and you can do that but when you start you know blah blah blah then it's so she supported it and I was like I feel so justified.

[416] Yeah, you are justified.

[417] You know, so it's supported, I bet, Nikki.

[418] She'd be like, come on.

[419] Nikki would be like, yeah, that was an obvious answer.

[420] The crime community says you're doing the right thing.

[421] Thank you, crime community for supporting me. Well, also, that's good.

[422] I mean, Jesus Christ.

[423] Good to know, right?

[424] Yes.

[425] Hey, there's no shame in locking things, double.

[426] I lock, people will walk by in the crosswalk and their part of my brain goes, they might be able to hear it if you lock the door, whatever, and it's like, I don't give a shit.

[427] There's a much louder voice that says, Sorry to offend you, but you don't get to, in case you had the idea, maybe you're on some white drugs, I can't detect.

[428] So like when you're sitting at a stop sign and someone goes to walk by and you go click to lock your car door.

[429] Yeah.

[430] Yeah, and you're like, well, they're going to get mad at me?

[431] Fuck you.

[432] Well, because sometimes - You look creepy.

[433] That's a good way to let someone know they look creepy.

[434] Yeah, I get the idea because you're giving me the eye.

[435] So, yeah, don't, we've said this a million times.

[436] Fuck politeness.

[437] Fuck politeness.

[438] There could be new listeners who don't yet know to fuck politeness.

[439] Oh, yeah.

[440] Fuck politeness and, um, oh, you'll, you'll learn.

[441] There's a ton of stuff.

[442] There's so many things.

[443] There'll have a lot of experiences in your life that'll make you, make you question.

[444] Uh, how about if you're going between the laundry room and your house, lock your goddamn door.

[445] Lock your fucking door.

[446] Lock your, if you live in a major city or not at your parents' house, lock your door.

[447] It feels really good because literally that, that was a worry every single time I'd walk out back is I come in the door and I check for the cats because if the cats were still out where they were, that meant no one was in there because, but if they were hiding, that would mean someone came in the house.

[448] Right.

[449] That's crazy.

[450] No, that's a good theory.

[451] That's a theory based on observation.

[452] Yeah.

[453] Cool.

[454] Yeah.

[455] High fives all around.

[456] Thank you.

[457] Thank you.

[458] Thank you.

[459] Thank you.

[460] To you too.

[461] Hey, this is exciting.

[462] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[463] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[464] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[465] Who killed Saz?

[466] And were they really after Charles?

[467] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[468] This season, murder hits close to home.

[469] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[470] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[471] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[472] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[473] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[474] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[475] Goodbye.

[476] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[477] Absolutely.

[478] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[479] Exactly.

[480] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[481] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[482] That's right.

[483] Shopify is the sound of...

[484] selling everywhere.

[485] Online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[486] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[487] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[488] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[489] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[490] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[491] Connect with customers in line and online and online.

[492] online do retail right with shopify sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at shopify .com slash murder important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify dot com slash murder goodbye mimi the unsung cat of the hard starc household she sings the theme song to tweet corner meo meow mey's got to have her her spot in the yeah this is it she's come to shun Ready, Mimi?

[493] Meow, meow, meow.

[494] She's totally asleep.

[495] Someone on Twitter named Trash Panda IRL.

[496] I love it already.

[497] That's not a real person.

[498] Read what her name is.

[499] Oh, tween sensation.

[500] Tween sensation is her handle.

[501] Trash Panda, IRL is her, I don't know.

[502] I like that name.

[503] I don't know.

[504] Trash Panda.

[505] And on her Twitter account, sorry, but I just noticed this, her header picture is a picture of Barb and it says in memory of Barb I see you on the other side That's incredible And it's an illustration of Barb from Stranger Things Hell yeah Trash Panda Way to bring it all around So she tweeted at us And said My dad keeps calling your show The Fuck Word Murder Mystery Show Because he can't remember the name And I cannot stop laughing at that Say it again My dad keeps calling your show The Fuckword mystery murder mystery show because he can't remember the name that is so first of all i can't if my dad heard a podcast where girls were saying the f word he would pull the stereo out of the car and throw it on the highway i swear if my dad ever hears this he's going to call me with such a stern tone and so i love the fact that trash panda ir ls dad is even listening to it at all i love him i love him he sounds like my dad.

[506] And I think we might need to change the name of this podcast to the fuckword murder mystery show.

[507] I try not to do this, but someone who makes the memes needs to get our logo and change it in to say it one more tongue because it makes me so happy.

[508] The fuckword murder mystery show.

[509] It's just beautiful.

[510] Vardkis Skandarian and his family started the first Zanku chicken in Beirut in 1962.

[511] Oh, wow.

[512] And then they brought it over here in 1983.

[513] And it was, the chain actually was opened by Mardiros, who is the son.

[514] And his parents were not interested in having a restaurant in America.

[515] They wanted to do dry cleaning, maybe go into the suit business.

[516] They looked into all these other businesses that were more kind of reliable than a restaurant.

[517] But Mardiros believed to do dry cleaning.

[518] that this, he looked around and he saw how few Middle Eastern restaurants there were with such huge populations of people that would appreciate the food.

[519] There was almost no food to feed them that was like from their home.

[520] Totally.

[521] So they opened their first restaurant at the corner of sunset in Normandy in East East L .A. Hala!

[522] Hey!

[523] And the L .A. Times said it's the best roast chicken in town at any price, which is kind of really saying something for the old of shishi restaurants they have here.

[524] The Zagot Guide would say that Zanku was one of America's best meal deals.

[525] Oh my goodness.

[526] America, not just L .A., which is cool.

[527] Jonathan Gold, who is a very famous food writer, he adores Zanku chicken, reviewed it and said the chicken was superb and nothing in heaven or on earth compares with the garlic paste.

[528] Oh my God, that garlic paste.

[529] The garlic paste is what everybody talks about.

[530] And it was invented by Marduros's grandmother.

[531] Shut up.

[532] And his mother made it all by hand.

[533] So it was a secret recipe.

[534] People still don't know what's in it.

[535] It's this white paste that you get with your chicken and your rice and your hummus and your pita.

[536] It's a little tub.

[537] It's like a side on the side.

[538] And it is tangy and pungent and garlicky, but there's something else going on.

[539] It's kind of like butter, like you can't figure out, all you want to do is eat it and put everything that you eat into it.

[540] Then for the next day, you're belching garlic.

[541] Yes.

[542] You're filled with garlic.

[543] It's the best.

[544] It's quite an experience.

[545] Yes.

[546] So that was kind of their secret weapon.

[547] Aside from the fact that they figured out that other rotisserie chicken places, they realized you have to move the chicken itself and you have to play with the temperatures.

[548] You can't just keep it on one temperature all the time.

[549] So they basically kind of went in there and tried to figure out how to give people who wanted to eat authentic Middle Eastern food the best version of that food and not just go like here.

[550] Yeah.

[551] Here's whatever.

[552] Which is amazing.

[553] Apparently one time on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David referred to it as chicken so good it could end the rift in the Middle East.

[554] So like everybody in L .A. knows about this food.

[555] It was also in a Beck song.

[556] That's right.

[557] That's right.

[558] there was a there's a list on Wikipedia of all really all the popular culture things there was somebody on buffy the vampire slayer also like to eat there so they started as this hole in the wall chicken place and after I would think like over two years they were making two million dollars a year holy shit and half of that was pure profit oh my god so they they were doing obviously great so there were rumors.

[559] Oh, so in this article, this is one of my favorite things.

[560] In this article, this guy, Mark, the writer, talks, starts out by talking about the Armenian culture and everything.

[561] And he says there's a saying that little old Armenian ladies say in Armenian, which is let's sit crooked and talk straight, which totally made me think of us.

[562] Oh my God.

[563] Isn't that the best?

[564] Let's sit crooked and talk straight.

[565] That's basically let's gossip.

[566] I, that is.

[567] us to a tea, and I'm fucking in love with it.

[568] It's the best.

[569] We did this wrong.

[570] There's trash.

[571] Just don't worry about the trash.

[572] Glamorous.

[573] Classy, professional.

[574] Hi, welcome to My Favorite Murder Live, everybody.

[575] We had them recreate my apartment.

[576] Yes.

[577] On stage.

[578] George's blue curtains are gorgeous.

[579] Oh my God.

[580] Can we talk about this?

[581] Yes, can we please?

[582] Fuck.

[583] Karen, tell me. everything well last week when we were talking about how we are going to come and do a live podcast and we were talking about all the things we needed to do and bring and have to recreate the same environment that we have in georgia's hot hot apartment when we record every week and georgia made a joke and said i guess i'll buy a cage to bring elvis and i said or you could just have him stuffed and her heart broke in front of me And now I'm that friend.

[584] So I've been trying to think for like six days turning to think, like, you got to make good on that piece of bullshit.

[585] And then I remembered that I'm a compulsive vintage thrift store shopper.

[586] And I got shit like this laying around by the dozens.

[587] And I was like, excuse me, don't you have a some sixth grade teacher hand knit, a Siamese cat?

[588] And it's just been sitting in a closet for like fucking seven years and the answer is yes Elvis is here when I saw that backstage I was like I'm not supposed to see that and if I look at it I'm gonna cry so I didn't because it's so sweet and so I didn't look at it what happened I just kind of move my okay there we go have you gotten a good look at it because there's truly about four years of dust right on the top you guys can see that meant a lot Karen thank you so much and I would have dusted it off but I was running late.

[589] And if you know my apartment, you don't know my apartment, this is the most perfect thing for my apartment.

[590] It's going to match everything, exactly.

[591] It's like a grandma and there's like seafoom happening.

[592] It's a seafoomy apartment.

[593] Everything, it makes me so, thank you so much, Karen.

[594] You're welcome.

[595] I got you up, nothing.

[596] I'm going to catch a moonbeam in my pocket.

[597] Also, the other thing I just wanted to give a shout out because because we had been talking last week about how we hate carving pumpkins.

[598] Oh, no, what happened?

[599] Well, Caroline sent us a picture of the most perfect Halloween Jack Lantern goals for us.

[600] And this is it.

[601] It's the tiniest face carved into a pumpkin.

[602] And when I saw it, it made me laugh so hard.

[603] It's like the size of an emoji and the face of an emoji.

[604] Like the happy face emoji.

[605] That's all I want in life.

[606] But then on the hugest pumpkin.

[607] So it's basically like this person took a pen and stuck it into a pumpkin.

[608] It's so funny.

[609] And then they were like, where's my wine and where are my ritz crackers?

[610] I'm done.

[611] You can laugh out loud, Stephen.

[612] That's good stuff.

[613] So.

[614] Beautiful.

[615] Thank you so much, Caroline, because I really loved that.

[616] To the point where I faved it and then like the next day went, oh no, retweet that.

[617] That's awesome.

[618] And I couldn't find it.

[619] And I, this morning before work, I must have spent 20 minutes trying to find this tweet.

[620] Can I have a quick, quick pun corner?

[621] please do squad goards instead of goals squad gourds because it's pumpkin is a gourd let me explain this my comedy is like kind of you know like it's intellectual squad gourd it's written it's written it's a reader comment you gotta squad gorts that's really good like give me a hot minute Mimi loves it no my god Mimi's crying laughing right now you can't see it but trust she looks so bored um that's amazing it's really good Thank you So Renee and Rachel The older girls were old friends Renee asked Rachel to come with her shopping And then Renee's boyfriend Was going to come But he went to a friend's house So his little sister Julie Begs to come So they bring her boyfriend's little sister along So it's the three of them They get to the mall Rachel parks her car At the top of the fucking Car Park Osmobile And they go shopping People see them because, and this needs to be our new shirt, she's wearing a shirt that says, sweet honesty.

[622] What?

[623] That's 1974 for you.

[624] What the fuck?

[625] What stoner put that thing together?

[626] Sweet honesty.

[627] And you know it was like crazy cursive with the Y on the honesty did like three loop to lose.

[628] Blitter all around it.

[629] Just on the tits.

[630] Yeah.

[631] No bra.

[632] No bra.

[633] No bra.

[634] Didn't have to.

[635] 70s tits.

[636] Like that's a thing.

[637] yeah for sure they were real low so a ton of people see them at the mall people because people see her shirt whatever the fuck and then that evening families get worried as they do they go out looking for the girl and they find her car where she parked it on the roof of the small area and in the car the car is locked and inside her the presence so at some point they went to the car put the presents in there locked the car and then what, right?

[638] Yes.

[639] I don't know.

[640] You have to tell me. So, they're freaking out.

[641] The next day, a letter comes in the mail, and it goes to Rachel's husband's house.

[642] Now, Rachel, who was 17 and married...

[643] What?

[644] Yeah.

[645] Wait, is that sweet honesty?

[646] That's the other one, even.

[647] A 14 -year -old is wearing a sweet honesty shirt.

[648] Fuck.

[649] Don't let your babies grow up to be sweet honesty.

[650] for real sweet honesty sweet honesty she didn't understand it's actually you should sweet kick him in the dick that's what her shorts have said you guys pepper spray first and fucking apologize later right these days George's favorite thing to say should I pepper spray that guy it's my it makes me laugh so hard I can't remember where we were but you're just like do I need to pepper spray this guy's like Please don't.

[651] Not right now.

[652] Why not?

[653] Just spray it around like room freshener in your mouth.

[654] Bianca.

[655] Uh -uh, let's do this.

[656] Well, I did a very pandery thing, and I picked a Chicago murderer.

[657] You think you're better than me?

[658] What's that?

[659] You think you're better than me?

[660] That's right.

[661] But also, because there were so many choices.

[662] A lot of people love, they love to talk about how like Pacific Northwest, oh, you have so many murders in San Francisco.

[663] Hello, Chicago.

[664] You guys want to kill everybody.

[665] Chicago just doesn't brag about it.

[666] That's right.

[667] They're just low -key.

[668] Yeah.

[669] Like, yeah, well.

[670] They're just like, yeah, let's go have a beer.

[671] I don't need to talk about that.

[672] How are you doing?

[673] More importantly, we don't need to talk about the torso murders.

[674] How are you doing?

[675] I've all killed.

[676] No, that's not here.

[677] No, that's Cleveland.

[678] Anyway.

[679] Sounds about right.

[680] Lippy.

[681] There was a lot of choices to choose from and there was a lot of favorites but I actually had to go with this is my original the reason I got into reading serial killer books and watching true crime shows fucking John Wayne Gave.

[682] I know this because she accidentally told me in the hotel room.

[683] It slipped out in the hotel room.

[684] What was the context of that?

[685] You were talking not how the hotel concierre was like you had to print out your notes and she was like if you like John Wayne Gasey you'll love this tour and then I was like oh fuck yeah that's all I said nothing there was nothing else revealed yeah but I'm about to hear them you're about to hear them and you may have heard me say this before but the first thing I ever saw about John Wayne Gacey because if you know he buried the bodies of teenage boys that he murdered inside his house and when the police arrested him finally and he was able to draw a diagram of his house and he knew where every single boy was in the house and there were 27 of them.

[686] I bet the FBI didn't respect him after that.

[687] That's right.

[688] They were like, oh, look at Braggie Bragerstein over there.

[689] Take it easy.

[690] So I saw when I was like probably 12, I opened a book The perfect age for true crime opened a book and they had drawn based on the diagram that John Wayne Gacy had drawn they had because he they just used like long rectangles to show where the bodies were and some artist had basically drawn body shapes like it almost looked like a chalk outline but like body shapes in a house diagram so that's I like was oh childhood and, you know, Joni loves chachi and fucking this and that.

[691] And I look down at this thing and I'm like, why are those boys floating in those boxes?

[692] And then I read underneath it.

[693] And it's like, you know, 27 bodies were buried inside this house.

[694] And I was just like, okay, now I know that.

[695] And now I must know more.

[696] And I won't stop.

[697] Adding that to Charlotte's Web and all the shit you already knew.

[698] That's right.

[699] Some pig.

[700] So let's talk about fucking good old John.

[701] Also, the middle name Wayne is very common in serial killer world, which I think is kind of great that he got in there.

[702] I don't know, but he, they named him John Wayne Gasek because his mom loved John Wayne, the actor.

[703] Red flag.

[704] Right?

[705] Not a good sign.

[706] No. That she loved film.

[707] So, John Wayne Gacy was born on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, 1942, at Edgewater Hospital in Chicago, Illinois.

[708] Anyone?

[709] Edgwater?

[710] Anyone else?

[711] You guys work there?

[712] Were you also born there with him?

[713] He was the second of three children.

[714] He had an older sister and a younger sister.

[715] And his father was a machinist who had been in World War I. And he was a very bad alcoholic.

[716] So the story was that his dad would come home from work and he would go down into the basement and drink brandy, which sounds classy.

[717] But they would have, they would, the mom would make dinner, and then I'll sit at the dinner table and wait for him to come upstairs and see how he felt.

[718] Well, I bet when he came up, he was real happy, and everyone was like, we can finally talk about brandy.

[719] Brandy.

[720] Well, no Instead, normally he would come up drunk and very angry and he would beat them with a strap for dinner So I'm good tonight on strap I'm so full of strap From last night, Dad You can give it to her though if you want She's real hungry Her strap And part of what they say They think what fueled his rage Is that John was basically a mama's boy and he liked that you know the father was into fishing and hunting and man man man and John liked to cook and he liked to be in the kitchen with his mom he liked planting flowers in the garden things that in like the late 40s apparently brought deep shame upon you and your ancestors and were unacceptable it made you drink brandy and beat children so it sounds like the norm back then though you know yeah I think it is it's like everybody has to fit into box.

[721] If you don't, I'm going to punch you in the face even though you're eight.

[722] All right.

[723] And then I wrote down there, toxic masculinity ruins the party again.

[724] Can't wait to see that meme.

[725] So here's a thing.

[726] So he gets a job in Las Vegas and like I was thinking about this.

[727] Like the first job you get out of high school, it's usually based on the thing you kind of like the most or the thing that you're into.

[728] So like I worked at a yogurt shop because I fucking love eating so much.

[729] I worked at a bakery.

[730] Did you?

[731] Yeah.

[732] And, well, John became a janitor at a mortuary.

[733] Yeah.

[734] Because it was his passion.

[735] Oh, dear.

[736] The dead.

[737] And he actually later admitted to the police that when he worked there one night, he, that's right.

[738] No, no. He got into a coffin with the body of a dead boy and fondled it.

[739] 47 pages right here.

[740] A lot of this is my poetry I'm going to read.

[741] later um all right do love your night you got a manicure i got a manicure today i did need to look at my i know isn't it fun you're you're gazing lovingly at your nails i've never seen you do that before here's the thing and i just talked about this but to you but having i so now i work on guy brandy's talk tv show and on this tv show i get uh for it's sometimes 8 30 in the morning I get three grown women who stand around me doing my hair and makeup for hours.

[742] And it is so fun.

[743] I love it.

[744] And like people are just teasing my hair for like 45 minutes straight.

[745] The best.

[746] And shaping it.

[747] So I have really good hair.

[748] Doing makeup very lightly brushing my face for an hour.

[749] Amazing.

[750] I start to realize like on the first day, because this is a very collapsed schedule, it's been hard.

[751] We've worked a lot.

[752] Which is why we're recording on a Sunday Instead of a Tuesday That's right Because this next week Is going to be the same and crazy But so The first day we went to tape I sat down at my So it's a It's called talk show the game show Guy is hosting Guy Branham Friend of the show Expert lawyer Guy Branum It's a talk show He's the host And I'm a judge Where people come out And they get They do an interview with Guy And then I judge them And tell them how they did God, that sounds like a dream job, just like...

[753] Super fun.

[754] Yeah, and you don't get judged.

[755] You just talk shit on people.

[756] Hell no. They can't say shit to me. Don't fucking talk to me. But going through like basically the beauty, a glam squad every morning makes me realize how, like the first day after I left Diane, who's my makeup person, handed me a mask.

[757] And she goes, wait, you put this on tonight.

[758] Oh, my God.

[759] And it was basically like thing by thing where it's like, oh, yeah, that's right.

[760] I go home and then just go to sleep and don't wash my face.

[761] They're like, can you make our lives a little easier, please?

[762] Can you not make this so that we have to put you together like a wax goddamn dummy?

[763] And so then, you know, like one day I realized I have to hold up signs I need to paint my fingernails.

[764] No, dude, I get it when you're like, oh, this person, I have done the bare minimum of looking good.

[765] Yes.

[766] And now, but then once I do it, it's like oh, this is fun.

[767] Doesn't it feel nice to take care to pamper yourself?

[768] It really does.

[769] So today, I really like it.

[770] today I was like I just did my nails last week really fast.

[771] I did that too.

[772] But so today I went and got a manicure.

[773] Oh my God.

[774] In Silver Lake.

[775] And it was nice.

[776] And the lady Rose was did it really awesomely.

[777] That's so sweet that you find out the names of your manicures.

[778] She asked me my name and then I asked her her name.

[779] I love it.

[780] It was fun.

[781] When I went to leave also, but my glam ended because it was a weekend.

[782] So I had no makeup on and.

[783] Oh, fuck that.

[784] Looked a lot like a scound bag.

[785] You saw me that morning.

[786] Went to leave.

[787] I told you in the morning.

[788] You look beautiful.

[789] Well, I can't I don't think I said beautiful.

[790] I think I said, you look so pretty.

[791] Right.

[792] I think beautiful is like, get away from me in the valet area and ran away from you.

[793] I was working ballet that.

[794] George had her little hat on and she brought my car around.

[795] I told her to get away from me. Went and got a manicure.

[796] As I was getting rung up, a girl who was getting her manicure looked up at me and goes, Karen, and I go, yeah, because I was like, oh, does she work with me?

[797] Is it somebody that I haven't talked to that much?

[798] Whatever.

[799] And then she goes, I love your podcast.

[800] But she was like, she was getting a manicure.

[801] So she was kind of weirdly stuck.

[802] It wasn't like we could shake hands or say hi or anything.

[803] And I immediately got so self -conscious that I had like these crazy nice nails.

[804] And then other than that, I really looked like I rolled out from under a bridge.

[805] I was like, oh, thanks.

[806] And just ran away so quickly.

[807] So I just wanted to say to that girl, if you're listening, which she might have quit at this point.

[808] Because I was so not all that friendly to her.

[809] Hi.

[810] Hi.

[811] I'm sorry I didn't ask you what your name was.

[812] I'm sorry.

[813] and say I sorry I didn't have a moment with you I was kind of embarrassed I'm kind of embarrassed in general.

[814] That's just like, how are you feeling today?

[815] Kind of embarrassed.

[816] Kind of generally embarrassed.

[817] Yeah.

[818] But I'm working on it.

[819] Yeah.

[820] But I feel like, but the thing is too that she knows so much about you at this point and like doesn't expect you to like, she doesn't think you're going to be Chrissy fucking Tegan, you know what I mean?

[821] Yeah.

[822] Like we haven't fucking positioned ourselves to be Chrissy fucking, I mean, Chrissy Tegan seems like a chill chick, but like I, for some reason I can't drop that Chrissy Teigen expectation.

[823] It's my problem.

[824] Oh, yeah.

[825] No one.

[826] I kind of am like, oh, maybe I look like, I kind of get that because I'm like, I'm not wearing makeup anymore.

[827] And then I'll see myself sometimes.

[828] I'm like, oh my God, I look like I'm on my way to rehab.

[829] Yes.

[830] And like to people, like my neighborhood fucking cafe, are they like, is she okay?

[831] Yeah, I have like some acne scars right now.

[832] So it looks a little like I've been picking at my face.

[833] You know, like, yes.

[834] I want to be presentable.

[835] Presentable.

[836] You want to be presentable.

[837] If my mom saw me, who's a fucking really image is everything, she'd be like, she'd be worried about me. My mom, I have a tape in my head of my mom who used to always, if you would like walk through the kitchen, it would just be like after school one day or like casual time.

[838] My mom would be the one to go, oh God, put some lipstick on, you look like a corpse.

[839] That was like her great quote.

[840] So I have that kind of there.

[841] I'm like, really in the house you need me to wear lipstick, lady?

[842] The minute she sees me, she tells me how something I am doing that she likes it better when I do the other way around.

[843] Like, if I have short hair, oh, I like your hair longer.

[844] Not like, you look, it's like, oh, I like your hair shorter.

[845] Like, it's just like, here's what you've done that doesn't please me. Yes.

[846] And I'm like, fuck you, you voted for Trump.

[847] What do you fight?

[848] Here's what you fucking mom.

[849] That's right.

[850] You don't get to tell me nothing anymore.

[851] No, no, no, no. Moms.

[852] Moms and dads.

[853] Do we have corners?

[854] Oh, I have a couple corners.

[855] Can I tell you something I've never talked about?

[856] Vince and I have this.

[857] I'm going to share a real intimate, not intimate, but an inside joke that my husband and I have that we're the only people who know what this is and we kind of love it and share it together and I'm going to just sell a few people right now.

[858] And every time we say any kind of corner thing, I think of this.

[859] So whenever the word corner comes up, Vince and I say to each other, corner, corner, corner.

[860] And the reason is because we would go to this, like late night diner in Los Vila is called House of Pyes.

[861] That's like the fucking best like old school diner.

[862] And there was this chick who was a waitress there who was like late night waitress.

[863] You could tell she was on like Adderon fucking like buzzing on coffee and shit.

[864] She was really cool, but she was like clearly buzzing.

[865] And every time she'd have hot plates on her, you know when you're a waitress and you have to say, behind you, behind you when you're like behind someone with plates so they don't walk into you.

[866] She would come around the corner with these hot plates and go corner, corner, corner, corner, corner.

[867] corner corner corner corner so you think eating your chicken pot pie or whatever you just give corner corner corner corner because I would just fucking crack up so whenever we hear someone say corner and this is like three years ago and we're still like corner corner corner corner now I just told everyone so let's do corner corner corner corner time is it corner corner is it is how have I never fucking heard of him it's such a fascinating case there's way more to read but like the idea that while he was murdering sex workers and then writing columns about the murderer and the murders and asking people how they felt and he was writing about like acknowledging and writing about the murder yes yes he was basically in foe investigating his own crime it's amazing and oh that was the thing that's stupid i was trying to find this but um one of the experts uh talking about him said the the thing about um the psychopaths the kind of psychopath that he is is you stop focusing on what they do and they make you focus on them and that's how that like it's cult of personality so so when he was in jail the the fact that he had strangled a young woman faded away and it all became about me and my life and how hard it's been for me and read my autobiography and this is so sad he never said like I made a mistake and killed this thing it was like don't even point that out no he it was all about him and then and he was he was he was smart enough and manipulative enough to play the part of the person they were looking for, you know, to really kind of like be the face of and spearhead this re -socialization plan.

[868] He was just like, I'm going to be that guy.

[869] Do you think that when, you know, when people get convicted of murder and then they get to read a letter to the judge or to the family and they just talk about themselves, that's the same kind of thing?

[870] Instead of like apologizing to the family or saying, I made a mistake or whatever.

[871] Yes.

[872] And just like, I had a hard childhood.

[873] I was, that's the same thing.

[874] I've always, because it's pissed me off whenever I hear those.

[875] No, yeah, that's that, because it's the narcissist.

[876] It's, um, is it, I, some, you know, a bunch of those traits go across the board and like, if you're this, you're this, you're this.

[877] But it's like narcissism for sure.

[878] But then also, um, the psychopaths where it's just like, it's their world and everyone is just an aunt in that world.

[879] And they get to do what they want.

[880] And everything is to power.

[881] Everything is too, you know what I mean?

[882] Like, it's to feed their ego.

[883] And things are done to them.

[884] And, like, they have unfair.

[885] Things are unfair to them and.

[886] Yeah.

[887] And if they're like, I don't even want to talk.

[888] Like, when he was finally arrested, they tried to get him to talk about the 1974 murder.

[889] And he was like, I have no memory.

[890] I don't know what you're talking about.

[891] And just like, it's as if in his mind, since he doesn't acknowledge it, it didn't happen.

[892] Wow.

[893] I always wish there was a way to get them to, like, fucking feel bad about it you know yeah but that's the uh there's no such thing that's they don't have a conscience that's me thinking they can be re -abiltated which they can't it's you thinking they're like you yes it's that and actually that's part of the fascination of all of this shit is there's these people that are built totally differently right or because of their circumstances of how they were raised which is like alcoholic grandfather who did these things it's like there's no way your brain can then go to where you and i are and stephen and hopefully and but also i think you have to have that because lots of people get beaten up by horrible grandfathers and all that stuff you have then it's that extra piece of being a sociopath or being a psychopath where it turns because this guy was just like on fire with the lord since fucking day one where he's like 16 assaults out of, you know, when he's like in his teens and early 20s, he had huge problems from jump and never stop doing it.

[894] Yeah.

[895] And then just tricked everybody in this insane way.

[896] Because you know he was getting off on the idea of like, I'm going to go interview the head of this investigation and ask them if they have any idea who's doing this.

[897] And the answer is no. And he gets to get that quote.

[898] And they weren't like, none of them were like, that's weird that he's putting himself, you know, because that's one of the things.

[899] is that they put the murderers put themselves in the middle of the investigation or just a little too interested in it.

[900] But I guess they didn't know that then.

[901] They didn't know it.

[902] It's so funny too because it's not that long ago.

[903] It's the 90s, but it's still police procedurally.

[904] It's long ago.

[905] Well, that explains to me a thing that I haven't really ever understood, which is why Anne Rule never suspected or even took a while after Ted Bundy was arrested to be like, yeah, it was him.

[906] So she was under that same fucking spell.

[907] Yes.

[908] It's like, I never understood.

[909] It was like, how did you fucking not know?

[910] Because, you know, haven't you ever met a person like that?

[911] Like, I've definitely met one person in particular where the charisma is such.

[912] They make you think that they think you're the only person in the world.

[913] And that most people never get that.

[914] Unless you're like exceedingly beautiful or special in some way.

[915] Or it's this actual specific relationship you're having that.

[916] because of the two of you.

[917] Right.

[918] Because Vince makes me feel that way and I don't want to make it.

[919] Well, not just, right?

[920] That's because that's, it's, you make him feel that way too.

[921] But when you meet those people like, when it, in my opinion, I think a lot of love at first sight is like the first time you made a sociopath because they know how to, they know how to manipulate you and they have their reasons for it.

[922] Even if it doesn't make sense to you or in your mind, it's like, why would you do that?

[923] Yeah.

[924] We had this magical thing.

[925] And it's like, what are you getting out of this?

[926] Nothing.

[927] Well, having young women be in love with you everywhere you go, you know, is part of it.

[928] Yeah, because we don't need that.

[929] So we don't understand why other people would need that too.

[930] Right.

[931] Or you, if you need it, you can then go, yeah, but that would be mean to do to a person who I didn't love back.

[932] Like you can bring an actual, you know, conscience into it.

[933] I saw a relationship like that of two people I know.

[934] And it was like, everyone was like, how the fuck do you?

[935] you not see this person doesn't think like you.

[936] Yeah.

[937] And it's like so surprising to see that from a smart person not understanding these like really obvious to everyone else.

[938] Don't you think smart people are almost more susceptible?

[939] Because it's like I never think I'm going to fall for anything.

[940] Yeah.

[941] And they're almost more like they can intellectualize away, away these things because they're not just ding -dongs going along with it.

[942] They're like, well, I'm really smart.

[943] so I would clearly know this.

[944] Well, and also I think that brain -based people ignore their gut more.

[945] Oh, yeah.

[946] So it's like I've met plenty of people who aren't say book smart, which I also didn't mean to just say I'm so smart because I'm true, I've proven here time and again that I'm not.

[947] Listen, if this is your first episode, you know that we don't even have to say that.

[948] Please know this.

[949] But you, there are people who don't get bogged down in thinking and just go, oh, give goodbye.

[950] This feels awful for whatever reason.

[951] Whereas if you're a big, thinker and a big analyzer then it's like you know this never happens and this is I'm I'm magically being chosen by this amazing magical person who is so charismatic and so you know what I mean like does a thing that you're go you're like what this doesn't happen this is uncommon well I want to say it's also because of self -esteem but no no I was going to say it's also because you and I have been through a lot of experiences where that has happened to us and we have you know since we were very young and went through some shit.

[952] But it's also, so we're like skeptical and thinking that way.

[953] But also when that happened to me when I was younger, I had really low self -esteem.

[954] Yes.

[955] So, you know, it's not just that I didn't know.

[956] It's that they were like that or what people were like.

[957] It's that I, when someone treats you that, it's almost like they find that people with low self -esteem.

[958] And they know, they can see you at a bar that you are that person.

[959] And the moment they say a word to you, they can tell if you are or not.

[960] That's right.

[961] That's exactly right.

[962] Because, you know, what's funny, the person I'm thinking of that I had this experience with where I was like, the things I was thinking that it was and the reality of what it was, I learned terribly about a year later when I watched him do the exact same thing to my friend who does not have low self -esteem.

[963] When I introduced them, I was standing there and I watched the look.

[964] It was like watching a look come over.

[965] It was like watching a predator, like see, you know, like like a thing change colors to fit the environment.

[966] yes and when i saw the look on his face and my heart just dropped of like oh no that's it wasn't love at first sight that's the thing he does to everybody my friend was just like hey what's like nice to meet you and moved on didn't give a shit and i was just like didn't work on her oh man this is all so awful yeah yeah but i don't think it can happen to us again or and if it does we'll be more aware of it and you know listen to our fucking friends it'll never happen again because i'm an emotional lighthouse on the very tip of Maine and I'll be there forever goodbye well at least you're going to have lighthouse cats that's really the only like positive I can think of that at least you always get free clam chowder at a lighthouse oh my god with the oyster crackers on top of it and the big sweater and I'll play the cello oh my god this is going to be great for me Mimi go live with Karen in her lighthouse I should get Mimi I'm her number one fan so we did get a present last week and it was from another person that I know from Twitter, Andrew, and he tried to send this thing twice.

[967] I'm sorry, I don't pick up my PO box enough and I think they fucking hate me there too.

[968] Because you get so much stuff now.

[969] Yes, they fucking hate me. Lots of presents.

[970] Well, he sent us, he's a woodworker.

[971] Oh my God.

[972] And we got these gorgeous pens in hand -carved penholders, pen boxes, yeah, whatever they were.

[973] And then he covered.

[974] are Stephen a mustache for his, I mean a comb for his mustache.

[975] A giant wooden comb for his mustache.

[976] Steven, have you been using it?

[977] I mean, every day.

[978] My mustache, I feel like it looks like it looks good.

[979] It's like it looks good.

[980] I gotta, you know, keep it for, keep it tight.

[981] Yeah, that's right.

[982] It's part of your persona now.

[983] High and tight.

[984] So Andrew, it's Andrew Hess that I know from Twitter.

[985] He's a great woodworker.

[986] And thank you so much for sending those.

[987] And we finally got them and we were blown away.

[988] Blown away by them.

[989] It was so thoughtful.

[990] Yeah.

[991] I was always trying to think of things that make me happy or things that I loved.

[992] And so I just put up this hummingbird feeder right outside.

[993] And like, I love hummingbirds.

[994] And there's been like, fucking, it's been like a swarm of hummingbirds.

[995] And every time I see one, I yell, even if I'm alone, Hummingbird.

[996] Like, I just can't not yell, Hummingbird, even though they're like, it's like every 10 minutes.

[997] But the thing I love is that it made me realize that they're fucking assholes to each other.

[998] Hummingbirds are?

[999] Yeah, they're really aggressive and territorial, and they keep fighting against it.

[1000] And it made me so happy because it's like, everyone's like, hummingbirds are so beautiful.

[1001] And they get tattoos of them and like they love them.

[1002] And it's like, well, they can be fucking dicks too.

[1003] And it's just this like positive light to me of like, don't, don't compare yourself.

[1004] Don't put yourself up to standards of hummingbirds.

[1005] No. Because they're actually assholes.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] And they're sugar freaks.

[1008] They're addicted to sugar.

[1009] and they just got to get theirs, just like everybody else.

[1010] They are mean to each other.

[1011] It's very funny.

[1012] It's funny because I face the sliding glass door where the hummingbird feeders are.

[1013] And so the whole time, especially today, I can see them.

[1014] And there's a lot.

[1015] It's like three at a time every four minutes.

[1016] Seriously.

[1017] So it's really hard to concentrate.

[1018] Like every, I keep wanting to go, look.

[1019] That's exactly.

[1020] And it's so, yeah, it's so distracting.

[1021] but it's this peaceful thing of staring at a hummingbird is so nice but then they fucking dive on each other and chirp like yell at each other and then you hear their wings or this like it's just really fun.

[1022] They're cool.

[1023] Yeah, they're super cool.

[1024] There's actually a video my friend sent me once there's a guy who put a GoPro on his face and then put a hummingbird feeder like near under the GoPro so that it was basically hummingbirds flying up to his face drinking their stuff but so he could get these first person view like slow mo of hummingbirds dude the best videos people are the best hummingbirds are fucking dick so don't worry about your life right people are the best yeah especially when they have a go pro strapped this what we're trying to teach you is might be unclear now but it's going to become clear very soon within the next 10 years it'll be so obvious then you'll be like oh my god they were right and now they live on a tiny island in Maine and we can't tell them clam chowder town I'm the mayor of Clam Chowder Town Can we go back to the picture of Bell herself Just to see what everyone's Why everyone is so in love There she is That's her?

[1025] Yeah Oh, she's pretty She's not Am I wrong?

[1026] What's that?

[1027] Is she pretty?

[1028] She pretty She pretty Is she?

[1029] She is She pretty She pretty Even I'm like Oh, maybe she didn't do it Her Look at she I mean, she does have a hat face, and that's, I can't say the same thing.

[1030] I mean, the ruffles, she really, you know, she's got a napkin bib in her fucking.

[1031] And clearly, just a huge, long rack.

[1032] Her rack goes, instead of being like this, 50 style, straight down, farm style.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] We all know that means you're a hard worker.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] Marry her.

[1037] Right?

[1038] Yeah.

[1039] You got to.

[1040] There wasn't a lot of foundation garments back then.

[1041] You just had to, you know, gravity took its toll.

[1042] Anyhow.

[1043] So Ray Lamphier shows up with the fire in his eyes and the insane mustache, and he is immediately in love with her.

[1044] So he'll do anything she asks.

[1045] All right.

[1046] So that's what's happening, the feel around the farm.

[1047] And at the same time, Bell Gunniss puts an advertisement in, the newspaper in all the Chicago daily papers and in I guess some of the Norwegian papers and this is the it's basically kind of like a personal ad and hers reads personal comely widow who owns a large farm in one of the finest districts in the Port County Indiana desires to make the acquaintance of a gentleman equally well provided with view of joining fortunes no replies by letter considered unless sender is willing to follow, answer with personal visit, triflers need not apply.

[1048] Hey.

[1049] I don't want no scrubs.

[1050] Da, da, da, mm, mm, mm, Tori, did it, and that Batchander side of the best friend's farm.

[1051] Trying to burn down a horse.

[1052] Burn down a horse.

[1053] She tried to burn that horse.

[1054] Triplers need not apply is our next shirt oh my gosh shit now I mean right I mean she's not wrong yes she murders children yes she murders children and adults yes but but also triflers need not apply they need it they needn't police made an official statement that they had a serial killer on their hands and that statement of course makes international news because some Simone Schmiddle was German, the first two women were British, it just goes everywhere.

[1055] That now hitchhikers are going missing and then bodies are being discovered.

[1056] Well, up in Birmingham, England, a man with my favorite name in the world, Paul onions.

[1057] Oh, my God.

[1058] Come on.

[1059] Go find him.

[1060] I mean, how to make him mine.

[1061] Paul, you don't know me And I certainly don't know you Karen onions Mrs. Paul onions Give me one second What do I like about this world It just can't also be like selfish Like what?

[1062] I don't know because yours was very sweet and giving Like being alone No, I think that's really good to you?

[1063] Of course.

[1064] You can leave this at list part in.

[1065] So Vince was gone last week, missed him, love him.

[1066] It's so quiet and weird here without him.

[1067] But God, there's something about being alone and just like watching whatever you want to watch and lots of farting and drinking, you know, drinking, you know, having a drink and talking to your cats and like singing stupid songs.

[1068] And I just, I really enjoy that a lot.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] in a way that's like, doesn't mean I don't love Vince.

[1071] Oh, of course not.

[1072] You know.

[1073] No, no, no. I think it's, um, it's almost like a resetting.

[1074] When you can just get a little, I mean, I've gone, you have to be careful, though, because then after a while, like, I think I have thin skin about it where I need, now I'm becoming that kind of person where like, I need things to be a certain way because I'm so used to always only having things exactly how I want them, which isn't good.

[1075] Yeah, but then when you meet someone you really like, you're like, oh, I like the way.

[1076] he does that stupid thing.

[1077] Yeah, that's true.

[1078] It's like, I had some greeting or some like saying I saw a long time ago that said like when you don't like someone, the way they eat pisses you off.

[1079] When you like someone, they could spill food on you and you'd be so thrilled about it.

[1080] Like something like that where it just depends on the person.

[1081] Yeah, that's very true.

[1082] But there is something very zen about just like being in silence or just kind of doing what you want and not always for so long i really always had to have like three people around me at all times and um it's just kind of knowing yourself too and knowing what you would be like alone and your schedule and like how you would fall asleep at night which is apparently on a fucking naked bed with my fucking vintage comforter just and no sheets and no sheets covering me and you know it's kind of cool to check back in with yourself like that yeah i think that's really good yeah and then women's came home i was like great i got to be a human again and I actually have to shower.

[1083] Yeah, he's very strict about that stuff.

[1084] Yeah, being alone.

[1085] Consider it.

[1086] Consider it for a hot second.

[1087] All right, well, thanks for listening.

[1088] Stay sexy.

[1089] And don't get murdered.

[1090] Bye.

[1091] Elvis.

[1092] Use your microphone.

[1093] Elvis.

[1094] Want a cookie?

[1095] Want a cookie?

[1096] Whoa.

[1097] The big yes.

[1098] You just blew doors on that one.

[1099] Bye.

[1100] Bye.