Rob Corddry

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[1] Welcome, an armchair expert.

[2] I'm Buck Rogers, and I'm joined by Space Galaxy Champion Maronica Ramran.

[3] Oh, my God, another champion.

[4] Another champion.

[5] I wanted you label me a state champion the other day, and you're just not going to do it.

[6] No, because you aren't.

[7] Right, that's a good reason.

[8] So I can't.

[9] My good, my new buddy, I should say, not my good buddy.

[10] My new buddy, Rob Cordry is here.

[11] That's right.

[12] He and I are on Top Gear America together.

[13] Yes.

[14] And we were in Sedona, Arizona, and we captured him with a net, and we drug him to the house.

[15] That's right.

[16] And we had our first in -person.

[17] It was so fun.

[18] We haven't had an in -person in -person in months, and it really felt nice.

[19] Yeah, boy, it was really nice to be able to look someone in the eyes while we were chatting with him.

[20] Had a different energy back to the energy I love.

[21] Yeah, the O -G -N.

[22] O -G -N.

[23] O -G -E.

[24] Yeah, but it's kind of a play, a double, get it?

[25] Because it's short for energy, but it's always...

[26] also a letter.

[27] Oh, my gosh.

[28] It's so smart.

[29] Okay, well, listen, you know Rob Cordray from The Daily Show with John Stewart, Children's Hospital, a show he created and produced, Ballers, Hot Tub Time Machine, and he and I and Jethro Bovindon will be on Top Gear America soon.

[30] So look for that, and please enjoy Rob Cordry.

[31] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[32] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[33] or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts I'm going to run you real A lot of treble I need a lot of travel Well, you want treble I long for bass You want some bass A bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass.

[34] Well, gang, this is a fun and prompt to recording with the ever -talented, beautiful, handsome, strong, generous, wab cordry.

[35] Becathed.

[36] Wobby cordry.

[37] You know what's exciting about this is we work together.

[38] I'd count you as a friend.

[39] Yeah.

[40] I know very little about you.

[41] Because we're new into our friendship, right?

[42] I guess that's true, right?

[43] Yeah.

[44] Like, what do you know about me?

[45] I might even know more about you than you know about me. Because of the Samsung commercials?

[46] Because of all the Samsungies, which I call it.

[47] them.

[48] I met you a couple times and you don't remember meeting me. Oh, that's not true.

[49] You kind of Hollywooded me. Oh, tell me. Yeah, tell me. I'm calling bullshit already.

[50] The first time, there's no reason you would remember me. Okay.

[51] It was 1995.

[52] No, no, no, no, no, no, six.

[53] Nope, not possible.

[54] Yeah.

[55] No. Yeah.

[56] So I was a, you know, Shakespearean actor in New York.

[57] By the way, Learn this yesterday, Monica.

[58] Was so thrilled, and we're going to make him do a line of Shakespeare.

[59] But that's earmarked that.

[60] I was in shitty Shakespeare in New York making zero money, like paying to do these shows.

[61] And I had a friend, Lori Notton, Laurie Shimitaro, as she was maybe called back then.

[62] And me and my roommate, Mike, in New York at the time, we were all friends from college.

[63] We went to L .A. just to see what the other half, how the other half lived, right?

[64] And we went to a groundling show, one of Laurie's groundling shows.

[65] And I met Dax outside, and Lori was smitten with you.

[66] She was dating Steve Aegee at the time, I believe.

[67] Who we love.

[68] Who we love, Aegee's the best.

[69] Best guy on the planet.

[70] So she was like, you have to meet Dax.

[71] This is not, I mean a hard time with this.

[72] Oh, my God, a guy named Dax.

[73] Is he a robot?

[74] And he, you look exactly like you did back then.

[75] Oh, you were jacked.

[76] You had like tattoos everywhere.

[77] And she was like, she was like, he's the coolest guy in the groundless.

[78] Oh, my God.

[79] And me and Mike were like, we were going to take us back so many.

[80] We were immediately intimidated.

[81] No. And in love with you.

[82] No. And I was like, this guy's going to be my best friend someday.

[83] Wow.

[84] You willed it.

[85] Yeah.

[86] And was I kind?

[87] Yes, you were a great guy.

[88] Oh, good, good, good, good.

[89] Oh, no, you're, no, absolutely.

[90] I don't have a bad story about you before you remember me. Okay, thank you.

[91] Because every time, you know, you go through these stories in life, and by the way, I do it to a ton of guests, because I've met a lot of the guests we have on, and they don't remember.

[92] And they're waiting with baited breath to find out if the punchline is, and they were an asshole.

[93] As do I, if I hear a story.

[94] So I'm really pleased that I wasn't a D -Bag.

[95] Well, I texted you when we.

[96] We got top gear.

[97] Yes.

[98] And I was like, I am so psyched that you are doing this too.

[99] And you were like, yeah, man. Basically, what you gave me was you remembered meeting me. Because we also met at Watt Dog Moon Leck.

[100] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[101] Yeah, the noodle.

[102] And it was you and Kristen, and I was just sitting there by myself, as I always am.

[103] That's right.

[104] And I was like, hey, guys.

[105] And Kristen was like, hey, you're the best.

[106] I love you This is Dax And I was like I met you before And you were like No you have it Just like what you just said now That's right Because you're famous And I assume I'd remember Meeting a famous person But of course But I was not famous Neither of the times Not true Not true The Watt Dun Moon Leck I was already an enormous fan of a hot tub time machine Which I'm sure I told you about When we met Yes You did That was where Like I had all kinds of knowledge of you I was aware of you.

[107] I knew you were a great comedian.

[108] But I didn't watch a ton of the daily show.

[109] Not because it wasn't a perfect show, but I guess political comedy wasn't my...

[110] Who knows?

[111] No, well, political comedy is not for everybody.

[112] Right.

[113] Once I got off that show, I not only didn't watch the daily show, but I didn't watch 24 -hour news channels.

[114] Yeah.

[115] I didn't watch the news at all.

[116] I was done.

[117] I read the Sunday New York Times, and that was it.

[118] Yeah, you're like if it was, important enough, it'll continue into the Sunday edition.

[119] I'll find out what was relevant.

[120] I like John Oliver's show.

[121] The best.

[122] Makes me feel good.

[123] Yes.

[124] Somehow.

[125] I don't know how he does it, but it makes me feel good.

[126] That's our favorite show.

[127] We call it church.

[128] And that's, I have that opinion.

[129] I'm like, I'm going to do a half hour of politics a week.

[130] And it's going to come from John Oliver.

[131] So if anything else happened, I'll never know.

[132] But it's got such a fun spin that I like it.

[133] Well, he works so hard.

[134] He does.

[135] He works so hard.

[136] The writing on that show is.

[137] It's just unparalleled.

[138] Well, his head writer, Tim Carvel, was one of the headwriters on The Daily Show.

[139] Right.

[140] And he's my favorite writer ever.

[141] He's special.

[142] He's so special.

[143] He and John Oliver together, because John Oliver was also, on the Daily Show, like, I got on the show before they were hiring correspondence as writers, right?

[144] Is that what ended up happening?

[145] Are you going poo -poo Monica?

[146] Oh.

[147] Oh, for the acoustics.

[148] I have to just point out that this is our first human interaction episode since quarantine started.

[149] Yeah, we're in the same room.

[150] We're in the same room.

[151] Not only that, you're laying on a bed and Monica's laying on a bed.

[152] Well, she's flitting around the room.

[153] We're laying on different beds, by the way.

[154] No one get freaked out or anything.

[155] Yes, Rob's happily married.

[156] Two beautiful children.

[157] Two beautiful kids.

[158] Talented children.

[159] Yeah.

[160] Now, the only thing I would say about that you have your years wrong.

[161] So I totally believe that that story happened.

[162] I want to mention, too.

[163] I love Lori.

[164] She's so fantastic.

[165] And I'm now remembering she's super Boston.

[166] Right?

[167] Oh, yeah.

[168] Yeah, super Boston.

[169] She's from Gloucester.

[170] Ah, dude.

[171] Yeah, she's from up Gloucester.

[172] And she's got like 17 brothers.

[173] Yeah, they fuck you up by back.

[174] And they're fucking, dude, dude, no, you think you're joking?

[175] No. The fucking Cimitaro boys.

[176] Yeah.

[177] Yeah.

[178] A famous in Gloucester.

[179] For fucking guys up.

[180] Fucking shit.

[181] They've all been in jail.

[182] I You fucking got beat down in the pocky by now.

[183] Dude, I'm afraid of all those kids.

[184] Anytime the family had more than two brothers, watch the fuck out.

[185] In my town, the third one was always, what would cut you, would fucking slice your neck.

[186] Yeah, I'm afraid of families.

[187] I'm afraid of high school kids even to this day.

[188] Sure.

[189] You are from Boston, like Lori.

[190] Yeah.

[191] Do you know Ben and Matt?

[192] No. Dang.

[193] I know.

[194] I thought maybe you would be the closest to knowing that.

[195] have a one -way feud with Ben Affleck.

[196] See, I would have guessed that.

[197] Okay, can you tell us that?

[198] Yes, I can tell you the story.

[199] So I posted the GQ Men of the Year awards one year.

[200] You did a great job, by the way.

[201] No, I didn't.

[202] It was in the front table was Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore.

[203] Oh, my goodness.

[204] And actually, to bring it back, Tim Carvel.

[205] the head writer of the daily show at the time wrote the jokes with me okay and so we had some great jokes and it was me tim and then my wife was back there and we got a ride to the place we got like you know first class all the way first class all the way bottle of water in the car and so the second i got up there i start my job was to start roasting people oh yeah yeah they did they explicitly tell you that or was that okay that's what they said And so I started roasting Ben Affleck first.

[206] And Jennifer Gardner was behind him, sort of cuddling him.

[207] She was looking at me, the sweetest person in the world, looking at me, shaking her head.

[208] Don't do it.

[209] Don't do it.

[210] Don't do it.

[211] And I said, Ben Affleck is here, as you do in a roast situation.

[212] Ben Affleck is here.

[213] You know, Ben Affleck and I have a lot in common.

[214] except only one of us drives a Maserati but both of us have called out Jennifer Gardner's name during climax oh wow that's funny and you could it's pretty funny yeah yes and Jennifer Garner just went just shaking her head going no no no and he was just staring he didn't find it funny he did not find it funny he didn't he was a sensitive boy so that I laid into Leonardo DiCaprio I laid it to everybody.

[215] And then in the side room, this is where they put Will Farrell laughing at everything I said.

[216] There's nothing better than things.

[217] Things aren't working.

[218] Because yes, exactly.

[219] He was doing it to make me feel better.

[220] And because he was thrilled that I was failing.

[221] Well, it's the mirror neurons happening, right?

[222] We all live in fear of that moment in comedy.

[223] And it's delicious when it's not happening to you.

[224] And Tim and my wife, where the back, just with one hand on the side of their face, like, oh, dear.

[225] Oh, no. Oh, dear.

[226] And then I had to introduce Al Gore.

[227] I introduced Al Gore.

[228] I said that, you know, Al Gore is going to come up here and say some things.

[229] And he gets up there and he goes, well, we have survived the barbs of Rob Corderoy.

[230] And during this time, while he's talking, I don't know what he's saying.

[231] I go back to Tim and my wife, and I go, start the fucking car.

[232] I have to go back on and do five more minutes.

[233] And I have the five minutes written out.

[234] I'm going to end.

[235] I have jokes about the jackass crew who are also there as GQ's men of the year.

[236] Of course.

[237] And I said, this is not going to go well.

[238] Right, right.

[239] So I'm going to say, good night, everybody.

[240] Thank you.

[241] And I'm going to walk off stage.

[242] I'm going to walk into my car, and I'm going to get the fuck out of here.

[243] And they were like, gotcha.

[244] Sandy, my wife was like, I'm gone.

[245] I'm in the car.

[246] I got all your stuff.

[247] And Tim's like, I'm going to stand here.

[248] I'm going to watch you.

[249] Good luck.

[250] Godspeed.

[251] And I get up there.

[252] And I say something about the jackass guys.

[253] And Steve -O goes, sit down, you shit ass.

[254] Oh, my God.

[255] Now, why I never thought that my daily show, Cred, would have any worth with the jackass guys who everybody loves.

[256] Well, Steve -O's great.

[257] Steve -O's great.

[258] He's a wonderful guy.

[259] I love all those guys and I still have no ill will towards Steve -O.

[260] He was deep into heroin and cocaine and alcohol.

[261] He was at another event in his head.

[262] He was yelling at a different guy.

[263] I have no ill will towards him.

[264] What if Al Gore had gotten up there and said, Well, I'd like to thank Mr. Corderai for cooling the environment down with that ice cold delivery of substandard comedy.

[265] That was chilling.

[266] Can I be your agent for this gig?

[267] Yeah, go ahead.

[268] Robbie, what's up, guy?

[269] What's up, man?

[270] Hey, when I met you, do you remember what you told me?

[271] Yeah, you said vertical integration.

[272] You said that, and you also said that you wanted to work with Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck.

[273] True.

[274] Jennifer Gardner.

[275] Remember?

[276] Yeah.

[277] Well, I made it happen, big guy.

[278] What?

[279] You're going to go on Friday night.

[280] No. And you're going to take a shit on all of them.

[281] Oh.

[282] Okay?

[283] And they will never want to work with you again.

[284] But you'll have worked with them technically.

[285] Yen, Yen guy?

[286] Yeah.

[287] How much does that pay?

[288] Oh, it's great.

[289] It's great.

[290] They're going to gift $10 ,000 to your favorite charity.

[291] And you're a dick if you don't do that.

[292] And if you want the money instead of giving it to charity, you're a dick.

[293] Oh, geez.

[294] Well, you described the perfect situation.

[295] Well, send the car.

[296] I'm totally in.

[297] Great.

[298] There'll be water in the car.

[299] Send a car that never stops running.

[300] Oh, yeah, we'll tell the driver.

[301] So what I do know about you is you are from Boston.

[302] How far out from downtown Boston?

[303] About 10, 15 minutes.

[304] From the highest point in Weymouth, Massachusetts, you can see the skyline of Boston.

[305] Oh, okay.

[306] Yeah.

[307] And what did dad and mom do?

[308] you.

[309] My dad worked for Massport.

[310] What's Massport?

[311] Massport runs the airport, the bridges.

[312] It's like a semi -public Massachusetts organization.

[313] It's like Triborough or whatever in New York.

[314] Yeah, exactly.

[315] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[316] So it's a semi -public organization.

[317] And he was in charge of pollution control.

[318] Oh, really?

[319] Yeah.

[320] The airport.

[321] You think that's a great thing.

[322] Yeah.

[323] Right.

[324] But Greenpeace showed up at our house one day.

[325] And they were like, we would like to you guys to sign this.

[326] pamphlet to clean up Boston Harbor and my dad, the sweetest guy in the world, by the way, said, well, I can't sign this because it's a conflict of interest.

[327] See, for my job, I pollute Boston Harbor.

[328] And it's true.

[329] His job was not to make sure Boston Harbor was unpolluted.

[330] He just had to cover all the pollution that they were putting in...

[331] He wanted to pack that harbor with as many boats as possible, dumping their village and their...

[332] No, he didn't even care about that.

[333] He just wanted to keep track of all the dirt going into the harbor.

[334] He took no position on the dirt.

[335] And he loved it too.

[336] He was like, he really dined out on that.

[337] That exchange.

[338] They were like, you won't believe what happened here at the front door.

[339] Well, as I recall, also I did a movie in Boston and I had this great driver Jimmy and we became really good buddies Boston Teamsta Yeah and he had just got He had gotten out of prison four months ago He'd been in for 12 years And he was from Charleston Yeah I fucking loved him But he was breaking down The whole kind of longshoreman thing In Boston which is very still The Longshoreman Union It's not I don't want to say it's mobbed up But it's very like No it's mobbed up Oh okay So the mob has never left Boston them.

[340] And it's basically like, yeah, my fucking, my uncle Gary, he had me working on two shifts.

[341] Of course, I'm not even there, right?

[342] I'm in the park.

[343] I got two shifts payment and for retirement.

[344] None of these guys worked.

[345] They just had like jobs and stuff.

[346] Yeah.

[347] So did your dad deal with that kind of circus a lot?

[348] No, not really.

[349] Like, Massport was pretty protected from all that stuff.

[350] Like, he didn't have to deal with the mob or anything.

[351] Oh, that's good.

[352] Yeah.

[353] And what about mom?

[354] Mom was just kind of, I think, a frustrated artist.

[355] Okay.

[356] You know, she didn't know what she wanted to do.

[357] She was a house, a house, a mother, basically.

[358] A house person.

[359] A house dweller.

[360] Stay at home mom.

[361] I don't know what, thank you.

[362] Yeah, stay at home mom.

[363] Stay at home.

[364] What was I, what was I trying to say with house, house, house.

[365] house I had no idea.

[366] She was a stay -at -home mom, but she was completely unfulfilled.

[367] She was a struggling artist.

[368] Like, she did a bunch of stuff.

[369] She actually gave me on my 49th birthday a crocheted kitty cat that she started on the day of my birth.

[370] She started crocheting this kitty cat.

[371] And it looks a lot like the kitty cat I had growing up.

[372] No. And so this is a 50 -year -old kitty cat.

[373] Is it like a tapestry?

[374] No, it's a tiny, tiny little, like loop and hook or something.

[375] I don't know what it is.

[376] Those take about a day or two, general.

[377] They're not a hard thing to do.

[378] So your mom's a house guy who does loop and hook.

[379] She just loop and hook?

[380] I don't know what it was.

[381] But it was a thrill to get.

[382] And brothers and sisters?

[383] I have a brother who's an actor.

[384] Oh, right.

[385] We just, I just went over this.

[386] yesterday.

[387] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[388] And he was on the Daily Show.

[389] That's right.

[390] And he was on Studio 60.

[391] He was on Studio.

[392] I loved Studio 60.

[393] Did you really?

[394] I really did.

[395] I told him that yesterday.

[396] Not even my brother like Studio 60.

[397] I loved it.

[398] And I would watch it on repeat.

[399] It's one of the best pilots ever produced.

[400] It's so good.

[401] And then it was just like straight downhill from there.

[402] They just pushed the yoke all the way in.

[403] Biggest piece of shit ever made.

[404] And my brother, my poor brother was like, oh God.

[405] I'm involved in garbage And Aaron Sorkin has made it And Tommy Shlami is shooting it And it's just shit I didn't watch it Well of course you didn't watch it It was garbage I might I think it holds up I don't think it holds up Monica when do you realize you're funny What age?

[406] Oh this is actually a good question Because I was really really really young Okay I don't think my brother was born and we're six years apart so I was at least five because my I don't think my mother was pregnant so it was probably four or five and we were hanging out with a cousin that we had just discovered we had because there's weirdness you know it's a new england family like we had just discovered that we had this other family that no one ever talked about oh like a secret side Yeah, like the side of the family that is just shameful.

[407] Okay, okay.

[408] And hold on one second.

[409] Why are you putting a blanket on me?

[410] Oh, I don't want this.

[411] I don't want this.

[412] Oh, he's trying to make you really comfortable.

[413] Your titties are right in my face, too.

[414] You're getting a little echo from that wall, and I think that pocket will be.

[415] You are so into this shit.

[416] So controlling about his podcast.

[417] I don't like that at all.

[418] I demand high quality.

[419] I thought you were putting a blanket on me. On your shoulder.

[420] Like that you because you thought I was cold I would do that though For sure If I saw you like shivering We're in the donor right now Yeah no one's cold No fucking way Any of us are cold I don't yeah So five years old Oh so five years old And we're hanging out with our God I don't remember their names They're both dead I think Oh great Well not And if they're not They're not gonna like this Okay okay And so My mother was tanning As part of her art as part of her unrealized, her unrealized art. And so she's tanning and she's in a bathing suit and she takes her shoulder straps and she puts them down so she's not going to get.

[421] She's talking to get headlines on her shoulders.

[422] And I said as a three or four year old, daddy, mommy's ready.

[423] Oh, wow.

[424] And Terry, one of my long lost cousins, just.

[425] burst into laughter.

[426] Like that was like crying, snot laughter.

[427] Oh, yeah.

[428] And I was like, oh, shit, I'm funny as hell.

[429] Can we pause for a second so I can pee?

[430] Of course.

[431] Oh, yeah.

[432] Yeah, absolutely.

[433] Are you getting to an age yet where it's hard to start the flow?

[434] Yep.

[435] Bingo.

[436] I compulsively think I have to pee at night before I'm going to back because I don't want to wake up the middle of the night.

[437] And so like the last 30 minutes I'm awake, I will pee six times.

[438] And like the six time I'm, I'm just bearing down on my vass deference and my whatever else is going on in there to try to get a few drops out.

[439] And it's excruciating.

[440] And I keep wondering if I'm damaging my prostate.

[441] Yeah, peeing to me has become a nightmare.

[442] Like I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll have to pee and I'll just, I'll just start to deny it.

[443] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[444] You're like, No, nope, you know you don't.

[445] No, you do not.

[446] Not on my watch.

[447] Not on my watch.

[448] And that'll just sit there awake, like, pie -eyed.

[449] Like, oh, God, you got to get up and try and do it.

[450] And that'll just be like, a tinkle, tinkle.

[451] A tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

[452] Oh, a tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

[453] Tinky.

[454] Pop, pop, pop, pop, a tankie, tinky.

[455] And then a big blast.

[456] And you're like, here we go, here we go.

[457] And then you feel like a teenager again.

[458] And then it shuts off for no reason.

[459] No, not for no reason.

[460] You feel the reason.

[461] Your back of your thighs have almost cramped up.

[462] Oh, my.

[463] From straining and standing.

[464] I cramp up so much.

[465] I lean on the wall behind the toilet.

[466] I put an arm up and I physically lean.

[467] Do you do that?

[468] Same.

[469] And I feel so weird when I'm doing it.

[470] I'm like, I don't want any of my family.

[471] Well, I feel like, no, God, no. I feel like if I lean up against, that relieves a lot of the rest of my muscles.

[472] Yeah, I agree.

[473] And it gives me sure, sure, sure, sure.

[474] But I do always think I'm clearly taking one step closer to the, I have to sit down like a woman in pee, because I just can't do it.

[475] And I think, that's not where I want to end up.

[476] I don't know.

[477] I mean, is that even going to be easier?

[478] Probably not.

[479] No, we'll probably be bent over, like with our head between our knees, sitting on the toilet, just begging for some relief.

[480] Jeez.

[481] It's hard to be a man. It's really hard.

[482] It is.

[483] You would never understand.

[484] I feel so sorry for you guys.

[485] Monica, it is so hard to be a man. I wasn't going to say it.

[486] Especially a white man. Oh, goodness gracious.

[487] We're in Sedona.

[488] We have a very high risk of getting sunburned out here.

[489] Yeah, you're right.

[490] Our melanin is under the charts.

[491] What melanin?

[492] No, what I was going to say about the comedy thing is, again, now this is only in retrospect.

[493] I had no idea about it when it was happening, but I desired control.

[494] so much in my household and it was so chaotic that when I went to school and I could physically control like five people that were listening to me and make the outcome predictable by being funny.

[495] I could be in charge of the flow of the whole interaction if I was making jokes and they were laughing.

[496] It felt like, oh, this is predictable.

[497] I can predict this.

[498] I feel safe.

[499] I realize now it was very comforting to be able to steer something at social interactions.

[500] Yeah, I had the same feeling again or a similar feeling at my family's dinner table we were brutal and you know anything went and it was boston so we're disgusting and so charming yeah and i was i was the funny one yeah for sure so i kind of ran the dinner table i was like it's not your time to speak it's my time to speak.

[501] And now you go, not funny.

[502] My turn again.

[503] Funny.

[504] Yes, yes.

[505] Yes.

[506] So were you an okay student?

[507] Yeah, it was a really good student.

[508] Oh, good.

[509] I think I just went to shitty schools.

[510] Yeah.

[511] All through my schooling existence, like my elementary school was garbage and my high school was garbage.

[512] And then I went to UMass Amherst, which was a good school.

[513] But I just did acting.

[514] Yeah.

[515] And it was a good school in terms of that, but it was like, nothing.

[516] All my academics were shit.

[517] Was your high school violent like mine?

[518] Like, did you have a healthy fear at all times of getting belted?

[519] Absolutely.

[520] Absolutely.

[521] So, Weymouth is about 10 minutes from South Boston.

[522] Okay.

[523] Which everybody knows is the Irish, you know, mafia, the seat of crime, basically, in Boston.

[524] And where I grew up, all of the parents of my friends were from Southie.

[525] They had moved up a notch and they moved up a notch.

[526] They were all pipe fitters and, you know, lumberyard guys.

[527] And they had made it good.

[528] So they moved to Weymouth.

[529] And yet their sons that I grew up with would just go to Southie for like 4th of July and get the shit kicked out of them by their cousins.

[530] And then they would come up.

[531] come back with a chip on their shoulder and punch me in the face.

[532] Totally.

[533] So I just got punched in the face a lot.

[534] But certainly those dads are like, here's what you do.

[535] You fucking knock on the door.

[536] And when he answers, you fucking punch him in the nose for pushing you on the bus today.

[537] My poor dad, because I was bullied and my poor dad was like, here's what you got to do.

[538] You got to punch him in the throat.

[539] You got to punch him in the nose.

[540] You got to grab their arm.

[541] I'm going to show you on your body.

[542] And he would grab my arm and put it behind me. my back in the arm breaking style and he'd be like you feel that and I was like yes yes yes you feel the break yeah and he's like and you do that and you'll you'll be okay but basically I just made it in that world through comedy right and I remember I was in New York this was right before I got on the daily show I was a waiter at this restaurant called Bodega in Tribeca and my best friend there was named Eddie.

[543] He was a Coke dealer who had just gotten out of jail, not reformed whatsoever.

[544] And he was like, Cordray, you would do great in jail.

[545] Why?

[546] He was like, you'd do great in jail because you're funny.

[547] Oh.

[548] Yeah.

[549] It's an asset thing.

[550] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[551] Okay.

[552] All right.

[553] And so that I don't believe that.

[554] I don't believe I would ever, because all of my nightmares are about going to jail.

[555] Well, sure.

[556] And I do imagine that during the day, you would entertain them and they would love you.

[557] And then I think at night they'd make love to you.

[558] They would fuck me. So it's like, yeah.

[559] Because I'm gorgeous.

[560] We all agree.

[561] You know, I'm pretty.

[562] And symmetry is off the charts.

[563] It's like a fucking mirror.

[564] It was right in the middle of your face.

[565] Both sides are totally homogeneous.

[566] Maybe he was trying to trick you into going to jail.

[567] You think so?

[568] Yeah, like get you involved in the ski.

[569] That's an angle I've never considered.

[570] But he was probably like, you want some Coke?

[571] Later, we'll meet each other up in jail.

[572] Exactly.

[573] You should go to Rikers.

[574] You know what you do well?

[575] Cordy, why you're not in Rikers, I have no idea.

[576] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[577] What's up, guys, it's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[578] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[579] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[580] And I don't mean just friends, I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[581] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[582] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[583] We've all been there.

[584] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[585] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[586] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[587] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[588] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[589] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[590] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[591] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[592] So what I learned yesterday on the top of a mountain at 8 ,500 feet elevation in Flagstaffish, was that you have a history of Shakespearean acting.

[593] That's right.

[594] So was that the initial?

[595] Like, did you have a two -prong goal of comedy and Shakespeare or just you want to do everything?

[596] Never comedy.

[597] Never comedy.

[598] After acting school at UMass, I came to New York to be a very important Shakespearean actor.

[599] Like a Broadway.

[600] Yeah.

[601] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[602] And I did that.

[603] And my goal, I still, one of my goals is, still to do Shakespeare in the park.

[604] Why can't you?

[605] That seems like a very obtainable goal for you.

[606] I could totally do that.

[607] Yeah.

[608] But I also love my family.

[609] Your goal is like my goal.

[610] And I don't want to leave my family and go to New York.

[611] My goal is to go to someday a super Walmart.

[612] That's my goal.

[613] Oh, I've been to one of those things.

[614] Oh, sure.

[615] That's not a stupid goal.

[616] No, no, no, no. It's a great goal.

[617] Because there's a supermarket and a Walmart in the whole place.

[618] An awesome supermarket, I'll add.

[619] And the best, yeah, the best supermarket ever.

[620] And then a carton of cigarettes is still $9 somehow still.

[621] Like they have a tax exemption.

[622] Like they're a reservation.

[623] I bought cigarettes yesterday.

[624] Oh, you did?

[625] I did.

[626] I'm not shocked.

[627] I still haven't smoked them.

[628] Oh, you haven't.

[629] I'm proud of you.

[630] That's good.

[631] Yeah.

[632] Are you trying to smoke?

[633] Am I trying to start?

[634] It's like it's gold Shakespeare in the park.

[635] Yeah, I've never smoked before.

[636] I'm trying to smoke.

[637] Seems like elevation would be a good place to start but yeah so i uh got to new york and i fancied myself a pretty serious actor and i did a lot of shitty shakespeare when i was in new york and basically getting paid nothing and i remember this one dude was like oh i get paid i got 16 000 last year and i was like holy shit yeah that's a mountain of money that's a fucking i mean i mean i I was making minimum wage, temping, and trying to, like, bamboozle them into letting me do Shakespeare, you know, on Thursdays or something.

[638] And then I got this job.

[639] That's what I was telling you about yesterday, was the National Shakespeare Company, which sounds a lot better than it is.

[640] It sounds like the best one available in the nation, right?

[641] I think it is.

[642] It's not the best available.

[643] No, no, no, no, no. It broke away from the best company.

[644] It's like an anarchist version of a Shakespeare?

[645] No, that's even cooler.

[646] That makes it sound cooler that it is.

[647] We were driving two 15 -pass vans, towing our costumes and quote -unquote sets.

[648] Your wooden swords and stuff.

[649] And we just had the best time.

[650] Like, these are still my best friends today, these people.

[651] Yeah, that's a bonding experience.

[652] Oh, it was so great.

[653] But we would do 12th night and a hamlet at community theaters.

[654] Around the nation.

[655] All, well, over half the nation.

[656] Like that Midwest line from Michigan down to, I don't know, Louisiana.

[657] Everything east of I -75.

[658] Yeah, pretty much.

[659] Yeah, there you go.

[660] We were at like a shitty rocket college in Florida.

[661] What's a rocket college?

[662] You know, like a rocket chip college.

[663] Oh, like they're designing rockets.

[664] What do you call it?

[665] It was like an aerospace.

[666] It was because it was a community college.

[667] Well, they're offering like a certificate degree to be a rocket scientist.

[668] It was basically like if you graduate from this place, you sweep the floors at a NASA facility.

[669] That makes more sense.

[670] So that's the best place we performed.

[671] Would you please regal me with that speech from yesterday?

[672] It's so good.

[673] It blew my fucking mind.

[674] They really did.

[675] I gave Dax.

[676] a choice of tragedy or comedy he got this like almost teary look in his eyes and he was like well of course tragedy totally why no one no one in comedy wants to watch comedy and my favorite play is henry the fifth it's awesome there's this chorus that if you ever watch the movie the kenneth brahma movie it's one of the best shakespeare movies ever really yeah and derrick Jacoby plays the chorus and the chorus starts off the whole movie and that's basically the speech that I...

[677] You regaled me with.

[678] Regaled you with yesterday.

[679] And remember my conclusion at the end of it?

[680] What was it?

[681] I was like, I'm so emotionally stirred right now and I don't know one thing he just said.

[682] Well, he's going to do it.

[683] But can I preface this?

[684] Of course.

[685] I'm saying that this is Shakespeare saying, we're about to tell you an epic tale.

[686] And there's no way this stage is going to do it justice.

[687] Oh, wow.

[688] Right?

[689] There's no way.

[690] Lowering expectations right out of the gates.

[691] I love it.

[692] It is breaking the fourth wall as Shakespeare does so effectively.

[693] No regard for the fourth wall.

[694] No, no, no, no, no. The characters never broke the fourth wall in this play that I know of.

[695] Right.

[696] Only because there was a chorus, a character called the chorus.

[697] And their job is to bring you up to speed, right?

[698] It's almost like a montage.

[699] Yeah.

[700] Yeah.

[701] And this is the opening speech of Henry the 5th.

[702] Oh, my God.

[703] You really want me to do this?

[704] A thousand percent.

[705] I also want to take my shorts off before you begin.

[706] By the way, this is so embarrassing.

[707] I know.

[708] But I was shocked at how good you are at it.

[709] I mean, I'm not shocked.

[710] You're super talented.

[711] Okay, so the theater, you could hear a pin drop in the theater.

[712] Everyone's so excited to see the show.

[713] The curtain comes up and a man walks out.

[714] And the man is wearing a scarf.

[715] Of course it is.

[716] say.

[717] I'm wearing a scarf and a suit without a tie.

[718] Perfect.

[719] Oh, for a muse of fire that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention.

[720] My kingdom for a stage princes to act and monarchs to behold the swelling scene.

[721] Then should the warlike Harry ascend the seed of Mars and at his heels leased in like hounds, should famine, sword, and fire, crouch for employment.

[722] Pardon, gentles all, for a crooked figure may attest in little place a million.

[723] And let us on your imaginary forces work.

[724] When we say there are horses, imagine that you see them clopping their proud feet in the receiving earth.

[725] May we cram within this wooden O, the very casks that did a light, the air at Agincourt?

[726] Oh, nay.

[727] And then I...

[728] Oh, my God.

[729] That was great.

[730] I already messed up.

[731] No, no, no. That was a paraphrased.

[732] It was perfect.

[733] Henry the fifth.

[734] Monica, can you relate to my reaction yesterday?

[735] Yes.

[736] Which is like, I have no clue one thing he said.

[737] I followed that there's horse, that we have to imagine there's horses.

[738] Basically what you're saying is like We're going to act out that there's horses But you're not going to see them So imagine that when we say there's horses You see them It's a beautiful speech Can I try the speech updated Like if Baas Lerman did the speech?

[739] Go ahead.

[740] Okay Gang, welcome to this show.

[741] We are extremely limited Because we're just on a flat piece of plywood up here And we have minimal costuming But we're going to tell this awesome story and you're going to have to use your imagination, guys.

[742] So if you thought everything was going to be done for you, you're wrong.

[743] You're in the wrong show.

[744] Yes.

[745] So get your shit together and engage.

[746] Yes.

[747] And when we say there's horses on stage, there's fucking horses on stage.

[748] And you imagine the most kick -ass Budweiser, Clydesdale horses fucking pulling that car through town running through a crowd.

[749] And that's the show you're seeing motherfuckers.

[750] So put your fucking imaginations on.

[751] Oh, you're absolutely right.

[752] Is that virtually what they said?

[753] That is exactly what I would say.

[754] Oh, my God.

[755] We may have just come up with a piece of art. Your mother's going to be spitting with the art we just created.

[756] That was beautiful, both of you.

[757] Thank you, guys.

[758] That was amazing.

[759] Mainly Rob.

[760] Of course, mainly Rob.

[761] I don't know how one memorizes something that doesn't make any sense.

[762] Octagon scenarios with God -given wings, birds of flight with chattered things.

[763] Blue whales sing, carpeted apex.

[764] I mean, that's to me what it is.

[765] Just a laundry list of words that make.

[766] Come on.

[767] If you learn it.

[768] Like, I've taken a shake.

[769] I was also in the theater.

[770] Go ahead.

[771] Go ahead.

[772] What past.

[773] I'm not doing any monologues here.

[774] Go ahead.

[775] Do you know a speech?

[776] Do you know a mom?

[777] No, that's what I was about to say.

[778] So I would never be able to spit that out, even though I've done tons of Shakespearean monologues.

[779] They're not in my brain.

[780] So the fact that you can still do that is incredibly impressive.

[781] I really love it.

[782] I just love it.

[783] And I want to keep doing it.

[784] You have a bunch of little things like this, by the way.

[785] In just the short year we've now hung out, there's a bunch of little idiot.

[786] syncretic things that I really love.

[787] It's awesome.

[788] It is.

[789] Would you agree?

[790] You have like a very eclectic taste of weird hobbies and...

[791] Your wife and I were talking this morning.

[792] And we both...

[793] We both admitted that we were extreme, extreme introverts.

[794] So I think with being an introvert, right, comes, I don't know, a fascination with little things.

[795] and I'm a jack of all trades master of none type of guy and well even this car show I know three chords on the guitar but I got the truth you know like it's I got that I'm an expert at nothing but yeah well even like so we're on a car show together now right yeah and we're on a car show and it's a perfect example of how I am a master nut of that no it's like you have a very specific obsession with a handful of cars.

[796] Yeah, that's right.

[797] And you're nuts about those few cars.

[798] The way I am nuts about cars.

[799] But it's just very specific.

[800] It's, if I'm correct, it's the Buick Grand National GNX.

[801] That's right.

[802] That's right.

[803] And you love the Dotson 280Z.

[804] Yeah, that's right.

[805] Which you recently came into possession of.

[806] Yeah.

[807] Now, has that thing lived up to your fantasy of owning it?

[808] Or is it already just a nightmare now?

[809] No, I love it.

[810] But that's funny that you ask because it's terrifying.

[811] When you buy your first old car, you realize that it's hard to drive.

[812] Yes.

[813] It doesn't have power steering and it's a six speed.

[814] What you should think about is your current phone and your phone in 1988.

[815] Yeah, yeah.

[816] That's the gap in technology and brakes.

[817] But I like it.

[818] I kind of prefer it if I'm fighting a car.

[819] Well, it's very analog, right?

[820] And you like records, right?

[821] You like analog things.

[822] I have, yeah, I only listen to records.

[823] This was one of the very, I can see where we were at on the highway.

[824] We were in Colorado climbing this mountain.

[825] And I said, I got to hunch your end of vinyl.

[826] And you go, oh, yeah.

[827] That's so funny.

[828] And I go, have you listened to records with Baba Booie?

[829] I didn't, but I was at, but Baba Booie has asked me three or four times and I've been working.

[830] I haven't been able to go.

[831] But you would for sure.

[832] Oh, fuck yeah.

[833] So Baba Bowie.

[834] To go to a vinyl party with Baba Booie?

[835] And Stern's always making fun of Baba Booie's love for vinyl.

[836] Oh, Stern is an asshole for that.

[837] And he plays all these clips of Bababooie talking romantically about wax.

[838] Yeah.

[839] And it's always so funny.

[840] You've got to admit, it's very funny.

[841] It's so good.

[842] Because it's so good.

[843] It's so good.

[844] Because Howard has no clue whatsoever.

[845] And I appreciate that just as much as I appreciate Bobba Bowie's love for records.

[846] Okay, so your tour in the country.

[847] and two 15 -pass vans.

[848] You're not unlike a, like, a Christian youth group going out places.

[849] Not unlike that at all.

[850] And when does comedy present itself?

[851] So I realized that the one thing I wasn't taught in college was auditioning.

[852] I was shitty at auditioning.

[853] So what I did was I just decided to audition for everything.

[854] Oh, wow.

[855] And so I was in New York and I got backstage magazine.

[856] and I just auditioned for fucking everything.

[857] Yeah.

[858] And I just kept auditioning.

[859] And it was like an overweight, handicapped black woman.

[860] I'm going in for it.

[861] And every single thing.

[862] And then I started booking things.

[863] And they were things that I wasn't right for and wasn't good for.

[864] But I counted it as a victory.

[865] And so then I got a sketch group.

[866] Third Rail comedy in New York.

[867] You're so head of your time because I'm just new to the term third rail.

[868] That's like now just becoming a popular word.

[869] Oh, it is?

[870] It's a New York thing.

[871] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[872] What is it?

[873] The third rail is the rail that powers the train, the subway.

[874] And it's always electrified.

[875] And if you fall on the third rail, you die.

[876] But it also has come to mean a metaphor for in a debate or a conversation, someone who picks the third rail, someone who's basically torpedoing the conversation and taking it somewhere that has nothing.

[877] I think.

[878] Basically, the connotation that the sketch group was going for was, we are dangerous and electric.

[879] And they were neither of those things.

[880] They were super old.

[881] They were way older than me. They were nice people.

[882] Sure.

[883] But I immediately got into it and I was like, oh shit, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

[884] Uh -huh.

[885] It felt right.

[886] But I'm not supposed to be doing.

[887] it with these guys.

[888] Sure.

[889] So I started a sketch group with the five funniest people I knew and it was called Naked Babies.

[890] Are any of them famous now?

[891] All of them are.

[892] That's awesome.

[893] Who?

[894] Who was in John Ross Bowie?

[895] Okay.

[896] Who was in Big Bang Theory.

[897] Oh, right.

[898] He was like a recurring in that.

[899] Okay.

[900] Brian Husky.

[901] Oh, love him.

[902] Yeah, Brian Husky.

[903] He's in everything.

[904] He was my roommate for 13 years.

[905] in New York.

[906] Like, we lived together forever.

[907] Seth Morris, who is a big writer right now.

[908] These are UCB Legends.

[909] Then my friend Jeb, who started the Telluride Comedy Festival, and we would always go there.

[910] And then he eventually was not in the troupe, but...

[911] Because of sexual improprieties or something?

[912] Because, yeah.

[913] He was a rapist.

[914] Okay, well, that makes sense.

[915] You got to get rid of it.

[916] He actually had to do, he actually had to do, run away to telly ride because the Boston Mafia was after him.

[917] Is that true?

[918] That's absolutely true.

[919] Oh my gosh.

[920] How exciting.

[921] And I met him on the Shakespeare Did he have a gambling debt or something?

[922] You don't have to expose his gun.

[923] He witnessed a murder.

[924] Oh.

[925] He witnessed his boss getting shot in the face.

[926] Oh my God.

[927] He worked at a liquor store and one of the Winter Hill gang guys shot him in the face and he called the cops.

[928] Oh.

[929] And the cops showed up and we're like, who's the guy that called us.

[930] And he was sitting there and he actually raised his hand.

[931] No, don't do that.

[932] And he was this big fat guy.

[933] Okay.

[934] He just looked around in the crowd and he saw all these fucking Winter Hill gang guys.

[935] And he was like, holy shit.

[936] And he went back to his house and back bay.

[937] And he told his dad and he wore disguise for three days.

[938] He got a fake beard.

[939] And he wore a raincoat.

[940] Wow.

[941] But he was three days in Boston and he moved to Telluride.

[942] Oh my God.

[943] And he lost like 150 pounds.

[944] This was during the point where I knew him from the National Shakespeare Company.

[945] And then he started...

[946] He needs to write a book for this guy.

[947] We were in New York together.

[948] Yeah, oh my God.

[949] It should be called the worst reason to lose weight.

[950] The worst reason to do anything.

[951] We were in naked babies together.

[952] And then he moved back to Telluride and just had us there for the Telluride Comedy Festival.

[953] And then the UCB arrived, basically.

[954] And so we were like the first class, one of the first or second class at the UCB.

[955] No kidding.

[956] Yeah, we got it.

[957] Like who was your teacher?

[958] Armando Diaz was my first teacher.

[959] Okay.

[960] And that's what they call the Harold form is the Armando.

[961] Oh, really?

[962] Yeah.

[963] So Armando was our first teacher.

[964] Yeah, it was pretty cool.

[965] And then my second teacher was Matt Walsh.

[966] My third teacher was Ian Roberts.

[967] You never had polar.

[968] I never had polar.

[969] Oh, what a bummer.

[970] Then Besser, I had Besser four times in a row.

[971] Really?

[972] Which was awesome and a drag.

[973] Because he's the best teacher, but he's also hardcore.

[974] Like he's not a - Very serious.

[975] When you're, like right now I'm his friend.

[976] But back then as a teacher, like he was hard to get along with.

[977] Okay.

[978] I had that with one guy at the groundlings that I'm now friends with.

[979] Who is that?

[980] Michael McDonald.

[981] Michael McDonald.

[982] Do you know him?

[983] Of course I know him.

[984] He is a genius and also notoriously Matt Besser like.

[985] Yes.

[986] And then coupled with the fact that he was unequivocally the alpha male of the groundlings.

[987] And then I showed up like Joe Alpha Mal trying to be the cock of the walk.

[988] And he was like the fuck you're the cock of the walk.

[989] So he was uniquely hard on me. I thought.

[990] And then years later I came to be friends with him and loved him.

[991] Yeah.

[992] He's the best.

[993] He truly is.

[994] Yeah, Matt Besser one year called me a rapist based on a sketch I had written and Owen Burke, who worked for Gary Sanchez forever, a racist.

[995] Okay.

[996] And we were neither of the two.

[997] Well, ironically, you are racist and he is a rapist.

[998] He got it flipped.

[999] Isn't that weird?

[1000] Besser has such a, like, because I worked at UCB.

[1001] Oh, did you work there?

[1002] I was a house manager there.

[1003] Oh, shit.

[1004] Yes.

[1005] And I also, I interned many years ago, but then I worked there.

[1006] And it was always like, Bester's coming in.

[1007] And you had to.

[1008] It was scary.

[1009] Like when Ray Kroc would go to McDonald's.

[1010] Yes.

[1011] It was literally that.

[1012] And not for any of the other three, but only him.

[1013] It was like everything had to be really perfect.

[1014] You had to be on.

[1015] Yeah.

[1016] Wow.

[1017] He was like a CEO.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] But that's what it was like taking classes to him.

[1020] But then after, he's really a great guy.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] He's so funny.

[1023] So how deep into UCB before you get Daily Show?

[1024] So Rob Wrigal and Amy Poehler.

[1025] Total dick.

[1026] Most least stand -up guy, most sit -down guy I've ever met.

[1027] Do not like that guy at all.

[1028] No integrity.

[1029] Big fat guy.

[1030] Yeah, yeah.

[1031] Big fat assholes.

[1032] Never served his country.

[1033] Big fat asshole.

[1034] Hates America.

[1035] He and Amy Poehler got Saturday Live.

[1036] And then I don't know what.

[1037] order this happened in but also Donna Feinglass and Andy Daly got Mad TV.

[1038] Right.

[1039] And Jamie Denbo, I believe.

[1040] And then me and Ed Helms got the Daily show.

[1041] So it just happened like that.

[1042] Wow.

[1043] Like it happened like Amy Polar got Saturday Night and then we became like the groundlings.

[1044] Right.

[1045] Right.

[1046] Right.

[1047] And like the place where Lauren Michaels would come to try and get down.

[1048] And luckily we were just like the first group in there show me the rapist where is the rapist show me the rapist show me the rape I heard the rape sketch is really something where was the rape sketch I didn't see it and the racist sketches well and where is that we're gonna need to see that I want to see Owen Burke and Rob Corderoy and prior to you getting on you start additionally so that's weird because that's like an inflection moment for UCB where that becomes huge because of polar.

[1049] And then also then you being on The Daily Show, the Daily Show becomes an inflection point where it becomes Saturday Night Live.

[1050] Like it starts launching stars.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] Well, that was one of those moments where, like, you're immediately lucky.

[1053] But, and I told my daughter this the other day, because she started asking about the Daily Show.

[1054] She started me talk about it.

[1055] This was my 14 -year -old.

[1056] She was like, I hear the Daily Show was kind of a big deal.

[1057] And I was like, yeah, I mean, it kind of was.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] It definitely was.

[1060] But like, it was second only to Saturday Night Live in as far as like prestige.

[1061] But I got to tell her, I was like, when I got on, it wasn't.

[1062] Right.

[1063] And she's sort of into comedy.

[1064] She's definitely into, she loves podcasts, like funny podcasts, not yours.

[1065] Probably a big arm cherry.

[1066] Sounds like she's an arm cherry.

[1067] Doesn't care about you.

[1068] Tell her, thank you for listening.

[1069] And she's into stand -up and stuff.

[1070] So cool.

[1071] Yeah, it's such, it's so cool.

[1072] But I told her, like, you know, this is something that you should know is that, like, I was lucky.

[1073] I got in on the ground floor somehow at UCB.

[1074] And I was lucky to be on the Daily Show.

[1075] But people talk about luck.

[1076] But I worked really hard.

[1077] I worked very, very, very hard.

[1078] And I put myself in the position to be lucky.

[1079] And I felt like that was important to tell my daughter.

[1080] Yes.

[1081] And you just said it.

[1082] What you do is you buy a ton of lottery tickets.

[1083] So you went on thousands of auditions hoping that one of those fucking tickets is the daily show.

[1084] That's what it is.

[1085] You just got to buy as many tickets as you can.

[1086] Did we just come up with the best proverb for?

[1087] Say it in Shakespearean way.

[1088] Oh, my God.

[1089] Turn that into a Shakespeare.

[1090] Okay.

[1091] For sooth.

[1092] I'm in.

[1093] Forsooth.

[1094] Do we dare?

[1095] Oh.

[1096] Do we dare procure the tickets that may give us luxury, destiny?

[1097] For what do we work?

[1098] For what do we toil?

[1099] Is it but luck?

[1100] Oh, wow.

[1101] That was, yeah, yeah.

[1102] I'm going to smack.

[1103] this mic onto the ground.

[1104] I got to be honest with you.

[1105] I think after this interview, you're going to get to do Shakespeare in the park.

[1106] I'm going to get so much.

[1107] And go to a Super Walmart.

[1108] So I'm wondering, were you calibrating where you were aiming?

[1109] So you're like, oh, wow, now I'm in this, like, comedy channel.

[1110] And now who do you want to be?

[1111] Who do you decide?

[1112] I'm aiming towards this.

[1113] I am definitely and always have been blown by the wind.

[1114] Uh -huh.

[1115] You know, top gear being a perfect example.

[1116] Sure, sure.

[1117] My agents called me and they were like, you just got offered top gear, and I just laughed.

[1118] Sure, sure.

[1119] I was like, well, finally.

[1120] I was expecting this call.

[1121] It's a little late.

[1122] And that's been sort of the thing.

[1123] Like, I don't, I'm not, I don't have any goals.

[1124] That's great.

[1125] I do not have a goal.

[1126] I'm just going to get blown around.

[1127] But you've always been like that.

[1128] Yes.

[1129] My goal is very like next thing.

[1130] Right.

[1131] You know, like very on the.

[1132] ground, earthbound goals.

[1133] And I don't have these 35 ,000 feet goals.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] Have you paid any price for that?

[1136] If I have, I don't know about it.

[1137] Okay, great.

[1138] You're not even evaluating.

[1139] No, I don't have to.

[1140] I also like, I like to create my own stuff.

[1141] Right.

[1142] Well, I want to talk, yes.

[1143] I want to get into Children's Hospital.

[1144] Yeah.

[1145] Because it's.

[1146] Chillin's Hospital.

[1147] Chillin's Hospital.

[1148] Because although you're like blowing in the wind, you're also taking the helm and you decided I want to create a show.

[1149] Was it during a lull?

[1150] Because I got to say most of my best things come out of a lull.

[1151] It was the biggest lull there ever was.

[1152] Okay.

[1153] So I think people need to know.

[1154] And I could be wrong about this.

[1155] And normally I would have researched you for two hours, but we spent the whole morning together drinking coffee.

[1156] And yesterday we were just, I was towing you up a hill.

[1157] Yes, in a fucking stupid Pathfinder, towing my stupid 1978 van up a mountain.

[1158] It was glorious.

[1159] It was.

[1160] It was glorious.

[1161] You were a pig and shit.

[1162] Well, you were, you were just dominant yesterday.

[1163] You were dominant the last two days.

[1164] You had the perfect vehicle selection and you drove in a manner.

[1165] I've yet to see.

[1166] I've not seen you drive like that yet.

[1167] Oh, really?

[1168] You took the reins off yesterday.

[1169] I was waiting for that fucking house to blow off the back for you to roll that thing.

[1170] Yeah, that's what Jethro said too.

[1171] Like, he's surprised that I stayed upright.

[1172] Oh, you were in it.

[1173] You were pushing harder than you.

[1174] I said.

[1175] Swallowed a filling.

[1176] My back is killing me. You know, killing me today.

[1177] Monica, we have walkie -talkies and we're talking throughout the bits, you know, because we're always in our own cars.

[1178] Uh -huh.

[1179] And at some point in the day, you just hear this like, I have at some point lost the filling and I clearly swallowed it.

[1180] Oh, boy.

[1181] And just didn't.

[1182] I've had the whole time I've had my tongue in it.

[1183] Deep in the.

[1184] I can't, I can't get my tongue out of it.

[1185] stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare okay so because i didn't look up each step in my mind from the outside watching you as a fan was daily show and then hot tub time machine was a big hit and you were the funniest part of it and then i was like oh i'm a big time rob cordy fan after that movie that's really nice and i have to imagine that was like one of the peaks no yes it was the peak it was the So after Hot Tub, are you setting your sets on like, okay, one step closer to Sandler, next picture I'll be the lead of?

[1186] No, because a hot tub was a slow burn.

[1187] During both movies, we were poised to be the hangover.

[1188] Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[1189] We were like, we were going to be the hangover.

[1190] And then we just released with a fucking plop.

[1191] Okay, sure.

[1192] I know how to do that.

[1193] Nothing, zero.

[1194] not a plop.

[1195] It made $14 million.

[1196] Yeah, that's doable.

[1197] At the time, it was nothing.

[1198] But Hot Tub was a creeper.

[1199] You know, it was a cult classic.

[1200] I'd never been involved in something like that.

[1201] And that was a real thrill.

[1202] 14's kind of the number where you can do that.

[1203] That's like the minimum.

[1204] Because without a paddle was the same thing.

[1205] Well, what year was without a paddle?

[1206] 2004.

[1207] 2004.

[1208] So that's around the same time, right?

[1209] No, no. Hot Tub's like 2008 maybe or something.

[1210] Yeah, maybe.

[1211] I don't know from years.

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] Well, clearly you said you met me in 94.

[1214] I hadn't even moved to California.

[1215] Well, when did you move to California?

[1216] When you saw me in the groundlings was like 2001.

[1217] Was that really?

[1218] Yeah, yeah.

[1219] No, no, no, no. Yes.

[1220] No, it was way, because 2001 was.

[1221] You saw me in a show?

[1222] Did you see me in a show or just meet me?

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] No, I just met you outside.

[1225] Okay.

[1226] I wasn't in a show.

[1227] No. Okay.

[1228] Then then it could have been 97 or beyond, I guess.

[1229] could that work?

[1230] That's too early.

[1231] Shit.

[1232] Yeah, that's too early.

[1233] God.

[1234] But you were a star at the ground.

[1235] From the first day you audition.

[1236] Do you please admit that?

[1237] Or at least Larry Shimitaro had a huge crush on you.

[1238] Look, I was the only guy that wrote a motorcycle there.

[1239] That's what made me. That's why I had a crush on you immediately.

[1240] That's the only thing that made me stand out there.

[1241] You looked like he wrote a motorcycle.

[1242] I was the only guy that could change the park lights.

[1243] You had no sleeves on your shirt.

[1244] Fuck those sleeves.

[1245] tattoos for days.

[1246] And I was like, God damn it, this guy's hot.

[1247] That's how Jess describes it as well.

[1248] But again, it's all relative, right?

[1249] So in the Groundlings, yes, I was like a nine.

[1250] But that's because in comedy, I was a nine, you know.

[1251] I would then go on an audition for like a fucking Budweiser commercial and I was a four.

[1252] Every dude in there was gorgeous.

[1253] It's so funny you say that because the only way I would ever get a girlfriend was that I was funny.

[1254] But then I got into comedy and it dried right the fuck up.

[1255] Really?

[1256] Because everybody else was funnier than me. Yeah.

[1257] I got you.

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] And I was, I had, I was just lonely from 1996 to Daily Show and what I finally met my lovely wife, Sandy.

[1261] Yeah.

[1262] Okay.

[1263] So after Hot Tub, what brings you to Children's Hospital?

[1264] How does that come together?

[1265] I left a daily show and moved to L .A. because I said I would only move to L .A. for a show.

[1266] And it was the winner.

[1267] It was Seth McFarland's first live action show.

[1268] And it was really funny.

[1269] But the whole story was about a 34 -year -old man, whose best friend was a 14 -year -old.

[1270] And we got six episodes in before Fox realized, like, we're bankrolling a show about a pedophile.

[1271] Sure, sure.

[1272] And so they nicks that, and then the writer's strike happened immediately after that.

[1273] So I was the poorest I'd ever been.

[1274] I had a two -month -old daughter.

[1275] We lived in a rental in Larchmont, paying through the ass, way too much.

[1276] And then I decided that my days were going to be productive, learning how to be more productive.

[1277] So I would spend eight hours a day learning how to be more productive.

[1278] Like reading books on productivity?

[1279] Or on the Internet at least.

[1280] And I found out, I found GTD getting things done.

[1281] Is that McConaughey's saying?

[1282] No, he's always, how dare you, I'm sorry.

[1283] Fuck off.

[1284] JTD, good things.

[1285] Get her done.

[1286] Get her, it's not get her done.

[1287] It's like, get things, get things done.

[1288] That's Larry the cable guy.

[1289] Oh, right, right, right.

[1290] You guys are brutal, man. This is good things.

[1291] I'm talking about my life here, guys.

[1292] Productivity.

[1293] Talking about being productive.

[1294] Mr. Caldry, Mr. Caldry.

[1295] Oh, boy.

[1296] I'm going to give you three letters.

[1297] I guess I just going to let this go.

[1298] You got to let it go.

[1299] I got to see it through.

[1300] I'm going to give you, it takes me about 10 minutes before I get it good too, so it's going to be a while.

[1301] But basically, I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you three letters.

[1302] Go ahead, Mr. Cordray.

[1303] Go ahead, Mr. McConaughey.

[1304] Are you ready for the first one?

[1305] G. Yeah, G. T. Did you get that last one?

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] D. D. Okay.

[1308] You want to know what that stands for?

[1309] Get things done.

[1310] Good.

[1311] Get tits done.

[1312] Get tits done.

[1313] Hold on.

[1314] I got distracted by my own message.

[1315] Cool.

[1316] Okay.

[1317] And so I started getting involved in this whole thing.

[1318] So it's kind of like a landmark forum type thing?

[1319] No, no, no, no, no. Because that's all about fucking.

[1320] Landmark forum, yes.

[1321] Landmark forum is all about orgies.

[1322] Recognizing your story.

[1323] No, I dated a girl who was in landmark forum and it was all about orge.

[1324] Really?

[1325] It's all about the way.

[1326] I'm going to look into it.

[1327] And it was all about like being your best self in an orgy situation.

[1328] And so I learned all this.

[1329] And then this whole system is about getting everything you have to do out of your head and into a box or on the paper.

[1330] This is a little similar right to the thing Stern does, right?

[1331] It is the exact same thing.

[1332] Oh, it's the exact same thing.

[1333] It's GTD.

[1334] He does that same.

[1335] thing.

[1336] I have this app, you know, called Omnifocus, which does it.

[1337] That you are not an investor in.

[1338] I wish so bad.

[1339] I was an investor.

[1340] Basically, the whole concept is that your mind is free to come up with ideas.

[1341] And my daughter was now two years old, and she pulled her elbow out of the socket when I was swinging her around and also beating the shit out with a waist.

[1342] Beating the shit out of her with a stick.

[1343] And she dislocated her elbow.

[1344] I remember sitting there.

[1345] My wife was in the room with her getting it all fixed and I was sitting there and I remember this guy banged through the doors with a person like in an emergency.

[1346] situation like there was a life flight helicopter pilot behind her and the first thing i noticed was that the gurney was tiny and the no thank you no and the the iv was everything on it was child size and i just my heart was in my throat and i started to cry and then i finally looked around and we were at children's hospital in l .a and i was like this is the least funny place in the whole entire world and boom and then it came and then it came to me I was like but what if oh my but what if there was a gray's anatomy type situation that happened here like it was the worst place in the world but handsome beautiful doctors just would fuck yes yes and that's when the thousands started to pour in Sure, sure.

[1347] They backed up the...

[1348] Oh, man, they backed up the love truck.

[1349] The many hundreds truck.

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] And those tens of hundreds started pouring in the front yard.

[1352] And then how many seasons of that have you done?

[1353] We did seven seasons.

[1354] But it moved, right?

[1355] It was like, originally you did it for the internet.

[1356] We did it with one season on the internet, and then we were at Adult Swim.

[1357] Right.

[1358] Did you have anything to do with that bachelorette show?

[1359] No, that was Ken Marino.

[1360] Oh, no, that was Ken. That's pretty great.

[1361] Yeah, it was great.

[1362] What was that called?

[1363] I think...

[1364] Kristen did it too.

[1365] Oh, did she really?

[1366] And I know Ryan did.

[1367] Ryan does everything Ken does.

[1368] That's right.

[1369] Yeah, they're really tight.

[1370] Yeah, the Veronica Mars.

[1371] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where it all comes.

[1372] Burning love.

[1373] Burning love.

[1374] Good job.

[1375] I did.

[1376] I did an episode of it.

[1377] Because we're all very insular.

[1378] We're incestuous.

[1379] Well, and I got to be honest, that's where there's, have been times before I knew you where I was looking at you and I had a monocum of jealousy.

[1380] I was like...

[1381] Really?

[1382] Yeah, I was like, I was like, Cordry's a comedian's comedian.

[1383] Everyone loves him.

[1384] All comedians love him.

[1385] He works with everybody.

[1386] I'm not invited to that party.

[1387] Why?

[1388] I think I was intimidated by you maybe.

[1389] Well, I hope.

[1390] It's not that you thought I was, it's just a terrible comedian.

[1391] No. God, no. Oh, my God, no. If anything, from my tales of meeting you at the ground legs, Well, I had no idea.

[1392] I was pretty taken with you, if anything.

[1393] Okay, so you got picked up for a second season for Unicorn.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] You work with Walter Goggin, who we've all become completely obsessed with.

[1396] Oh, my God, man. And you said he just delivers, right, in real life?

[1397] He is the best.

[1398] I was supposed to be in Greece right now.

[1399] With him?

[1400] With him.

[1401] Oh, that trip was going to be with, oh, my God.

[1402] Me and my wife had rented a house in Greece.

[1403] on Antiparos, the island, and he and his wife had a house right down the street.

[1404] Oh, wow.

[1405] And we were just going to spend a month and a half while our kids were at camp.

[1406] Oh, my.

[1407] You're kidding?

[1408] It was going to be adults only?

[1409] I just almost started.

[1410] So at one point, you gave me a cup of coffee.

[1411] I drank it.

[1412] I went back out to Evac.

[1413] Sure, sure.

[1414] In my trailer.

[1415] I just want to tell everyone that we're on like a. 12 -day shoot all through Arizona and California for top gear for top gear and Rob elected to be in an RV the whole time mind you it is a fucking 110 outside and there's no way you can get that thing cooler than 90 and I had to beg you yesterday I begged Rob I'm like at least I'm like A come live in our house that we rented yeah and you're like not a chance and I'm like okay well please park at least your RV in the fucking driveway so you can come in and take a real shower and stuff yes it was I'm gonna take a very soon, too, by the way.

[1416] Oh, I cannot wait.

[1417] I haven't taken a shower since I got out of here.

[1418] You should definitely just, as soon as this ends walk right into Monica's bathroom, Evac number two, and then hop in that shower.

[1419] Okay, so you went out to the RV to Evac, and then what was it?

[1420] Oh, no, I was looking at the calendar to see what we had to do tomorrow for Top Gear.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] And I saw it, and it said antiparose, grease today.

[1423] And I started to weep.

[1424] I bet.

[1425] That sounds like a once -in -a -lifetime opportunity with the kids at camp.

[1426] Luckily, we couldn't cancel it, so we've got it for next summer.

[1427] Oh, cool.

[1428] They just kicked it down the - They kicked it up the road.

[1429] That's great.

[1430] And hopefully we'll have a vaccine by then.

[1431] You will.

[1432] I can't wait.

[1433] I'm so sick of this.

[1434] Okay, so the unicorn is on CBS.

[1435] CBS.

[1436] CBS.

[1437] Season two.

[1438] I'm such a super fan of Walton, you know, from vice principals and righteous gemstones.

[1439] Like in vice principal, his acting's off the charts.

[1440] And on top of it, he's a comedic genius.

[1441] He's a beautiful man. Is it great working with him?

[1442] Okay, good.

[1443] He is the most earnest heart on his sleeve guy I've ever met.

[1444] He makes me cry all the time.

[1445] He will at table reads, get up and make a speech.

[1446] He'll be like, now I just want to say something.

[1447] I'm just like a guy from the South.

[1448] I'm a poor man from the South.

[1449] And I just want to say right now that I love everybody in here.

[1450] And I love everybody in this gorgeous cast.

[1451] And I love everybody on this team.

[1452] And we're all me and Michaela Watkins just like sobbing.

[1453] Oh, what a leader.

[1454] Omar Miller, just like not crying because he doesn't cry.

[1455] Sure.

[1456] But he's there like nodding.

[1457] Like he's got no time for it.

[1458] Yeah.

[1459] It's just the best working with him.

[1460] And then you're going back to that.

[1461] Are you nervous about that?

[1462] No. Because you and I, we have the little, we're on different ends of the scale of nervousness.

[1463] Yeah, I mean, I was nervous about Top Gear.

[1464] And it's so funny because Top Gear is outdoors.

[1465] Entirely.

[1466] I'm less nervous about Top Gear since we've been doing it.

[1467] We're almost entirely in a car by ourselves.

[1468] That's the thing.

[1469] It's a party for me. I've had so much fun.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] Yesterday, Dax was like, okay, by the way, we're all going to cross the finish line.

[1472] and Jethro, I am going to ram your car.

[1473] Oh, my God.

[1474] And Jethro rammed your car first, right?

[1475] No, second, second.

[1476] Oh, you did?

[1477] It was beautiful.

[1478] I rear -ended him.

[1479] For some reason, he forgot.

[1480] We had all talked about it like ten times.

[1481] It was very clear that was the plan.

[1482] And I love that you guys left me out.

[1483] Thank you.

[1484] Well, I couldn't catch you.

[1485] You were such a stud yesterday.

[1486] You were way ahead of us.

[1487] We were supposed to be somewhat.

[1488] I did pick the perfect car for what we were doing.

[1489] You crushed.

[1490] That's the only thing I'm good at on that.

[1491] that show is picking cars.

[1492] You've done it three times or something.

[1493] Yeah, it's all I'm good at.

[1494] So we crossed the finish line and then Jethro slows down and I just barrel into him in my big van, smash him in the back, spin him around.

[1495] He immediately rubs it up, dumps the clutch, does a 360 and nails the back of my van with the back of his car.

[1496] Like, boom, no, no hesitation.

[1497] Oh, we were all like, we were all in such.

[1498] I'm still like my back, the smile of my back is ruined.

[1499] From hitting my head on the, I didn't have a seatbelt for most of the thing until I found the way that you slick your seatbelt.

[1500] So for most of the day, I was just smashing my head into the roof.

[1501] Safety third big time.

[1502] Totally.

[1503] Dax is the king of that show.

[1504] And I'm so glad.

[1505] It's his dream show.

[1506] I'm so glad to have you.

[1507] Well, when you got me to the top of the hill, you have to admit.

[1508] Because you and I had to talk early in the day and you were having a rough day.

[1509] I was.

[1510] And we had to talk.

[1511] And I was worried about you.

[1512] And then I got out of the van after you towed me the top of the hill.

[1513] And I saw you getting out of your truck.

[1514] And I was like, well, who was this?

[1515] You were smiling.

[1516] You were laughing.

[1517] You couldn't believe your truck did it.

[1518] And I was like, I couldn't believe my truck pulled your 8 ,000 pound van with such ease.

[1519] Probably the first time you've ever towed a vehicle, I have to imagine.

[1520] Out of a stuck situation?

[1521] Well, yeah, out of a stuck situation.

[1522] Absolutely.

[1523] So your The first time, trial by fire, on the side of a mountain in fucking lava's gravel.

[1524] On the side of a very, well, deceptively easy, but steep mountains.

[1525] Keep the magic alive.

[1526] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1527] It looked steep as fuck.

[1528] It looked steep.

[1529] Wow.

[1530] Yeah.

[1531] And so your first rodeo, you fucking pull this enormous van up, this steep hill.

[1532] Well, that's what I like about this show is that I definitely have enjoyed challenging myself, right?

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] When people toss around that idea of challenging yourself.

[1535] they don't really know what it means.

[1536] Like, you've got to have an idea of what challenging yourself means, right?

[1537] And for me, challenging myself means taking on challenges that are at the top of my ability, but still doable.

[1538] 1 % under the limit of your ability.

[1539] Yeah, exactly.

[1540] No, yeah, right, exactly.

[1541] And I think that this show is way above, way above that.

[1542] I've seen two episodes of the show and it works so well.

[1543] There is such a symmetry to the three of us.

[1544] I really do.

[1545] You don't disappoint me. I know, I hate disappointing you in that it's not as much my bag as it is yours, you know?

[1546] But it's never going to be anyone's bag as much as it is Dax's.

[1547] I know.

[1548] That's just, you can't.

[1549] Jethro seems to be it.

[1550] Well, Jethro is a genius.

[1551] He's a fucking automotive journalist.

[1552] Dax is the guy who will do anything.

[1553] Yeah.

[1554] Right?

[1555] That makes me scared.

[1556] Jethro is the encyclopedia.

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] And I'm just the guy who's happy to be there and who loves cars, but is way out of his element.

[1559] But you need all three.

[1560] No, I know.

[1561] That's what I'm saying.

[1562] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1563] There's so much geometry to the, when I watch the episode, I go, well, one thing's for sure, even if you don't like cars, we have the exact right cast.

[1564] Like, it fits so perfectly that's so hard to do to cast three human beings and to have them all have different angles that all come together perfectly.

[1565] It just, that's hard to get.

[1566] So do tell people real quick a little bit of what the show.

[1567] So really quick if anyone doesn't know.

[1568] So Top Gear was the single biggest television property in the world.

[1569] A billion viewers at one point, I think.

[1570] Such a global phenomenon that they decided, let's do a Top Gear America, which was maybe they started 12 years ago.

[1571] And my good buddy Rutledge was a host of it.

[1572] He's so sweet.

[1573] He's the sweetest fucking guy.

[1574] and then that went away and then it switched networks maybe and then there was a whole other cast of it that only did one season but anyways it's this very tricky show that they've been trying to emulate and what they're trying to emulate they thought it's the premise or the construct of the episode but it was those three guys there was a magic to those three guys that's very hard to replace yeah and i would argue i'm not saying we're as good but i've seen two episodes and i'm like by god we hit the lottery and it's just luck it's what you were saying it's fucking luck we've all been a a bunch of shows.

[1575] Sometimes you hit the chemistry jackpot and sometimes you don't and we did.

[1576] I think you're right.

[1577] I'm excited to watch it.

[1578] Well, Cordy, I love you.

[1579] Well, guys, live from 4 ,000 feet Sedona, Arizona.

[1580] We thank you for joining us on this road trip for Top Gear America and Armchair expert.

[1581] Rob Cordry, what a pleasure.

[1582] I love you, guys.

[1583] This is the best.

[1584] I'm glad we found a way to work together on our day off.

[1585] I know.

[1586] I adore you.

[1587] I adore you too.

[1588] Thank you, guys.

[1589] And now my favorite part of the show The fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1590] So we're back from Sedona, Arizona.

[1591] Sadly.

[1592] Although the weather's much cooler here.

[1593] I kind of liked that.

[1594] I got out of the car and I was like, it's freezing in Los Angeles.

[1595] Yeah, big time.

[1596] I rolled down the windows as I was coming into town because I was behind you guys a little bit.

[1597] So I got in at like 10 .30 at night, right?

[1598] And it was downright chilly.

[1599] Ooh, Chris.

[1600] And I loved it.

[1601] I had the windows down.

[1602] I was like standing next to the freezer with it open.

[1603] Yeah, Sedona is quite hot.

[1604] It is.

[1605] And it didn't spark some conversation about could you live in a place like this?

[1606] Well, I think I have the same reaction every time, which is I get there and I go, hell no, this is Hades.

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] And then after three days, I'm not noticing nearly as much.

[1609] And then I swear by the end of the trip, I thought it had cooled down, but it was the same.

[1610] I agree.

[1611] You acclimate.

[1612] Yeah, acclimate.

[1613] And I'm a child of the sun.

[1614] Mm -hmm.

[1615] You're also a child of the South.

[1616] Correct.

[1617] Those are connected.

[1618] Mm -hmm.

[1619] And I like a heat.

[1620] Yeah, you like it.

[1621] I think of all of us, you're the most predisposed to enjoy it.

[1622] Yeah, I mean, evolutionarily speaking, I am from a hot culture.

[1623] Oh, I wasn't even talking about that, but yeah, another good layer.

[1624] You've got the cultural and the biological.

[1625] You're from India, biologically speaking, and you're from Georgia.

[1626] One time when I was in high school, I was walking to my class with a boy.

[1627] And I said, oh, it's freezing out here.

[1628] And he said, oh, go back to India.

[1629] No. Yeah.

[1630] For real?

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] Oh, boy.

[1633] He was joking.

[1634] Yeah.

[1635] But it hurt.

[1636] Sure.

[1637] Because I didn't want to go back.

[1638] And you can't go back.

[1639] You're not from there.

[1640] I wasn't exactly.

[1641] What if he's like, why don't you go to India for the first time then?

[1642] Well, I mean, I know you had been, but it was likely you hadn't.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] I have to imagine a good percentage of the first generation kids.

[1645] They don't go there.

[1646] That's an expensive trip.

[1647] I know.

[1648] That's a good question because when I run into Indian people...

[1649] They've generally been.

[1650] Yeah.

[1651] But you're also running into not to be categorical, but probably other upper middle class Indian people.

[1652] Yeah.

[1653] You know?

[1654] That is true.

[1655] Because there's a nice subset in Detroit that are not thriving.

[1656] Really?

[1657] Yeah.

[1658] There's some lower income.

[1659] Okay.

[1660] I really don't know.

[1661] We don't know.

[1662] We don't know.

[1663] We're talking about it.

[1664] This is literally anecdotal traveling the country, right?

[1665] This is anecdotal, but based on my parents and the people they know and stuff, I feel like they're either professionals.

[1666] Yes.

[1667] Or entrepreneurial types.

[1668] Uh -huh.

[1669] Like, like, convenience store.

[1670] Dairy queens.

[1671] Which we hit, by the way.

[1672] Gas stations.

[1673] We, oh, we had dairy queen and it was.

[1674] I got to tell you, I got home from work.

[1675] And it was the nicest surprise to have both my favorite treats in the freezer.

[1676] I got the banana split per your rack.

[1677] Well, my insistence almost.

[1678] Yeah, your insistence.

[1679] But you weren't, to be fair, you weren't there.

[1680] And we all made the decision to get the banana split blizzard.

[1681] And no one was upset either, right?

[1682] You get it with the Reese's peanut butter cup.

[1683] It's just a great base.

[1684] You can build on it, but there's no better base.

[1685] It is so good.

[1686] And I got the mini, the child size.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] And it was the perfect amount.

[1689] Yeah.

[1690] It really was.

[1691] I felt so satisfied, but I didn't feel sick.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] I got only a few.

[1694] It's always only a few, but it's loud, the few to me. I had a few people yelling at us for being on, quote, vacation and being irresponsible.

[1695] And I responded, which I shouldn't do.

[1696] And I said, I was working.

[1697] Monica had to be there because of the podcast must go on.

[1698] We're in a house by ourselves.

[1699] I'm getting tested every.

[1700] Oh, someone was mad.

[1701] I get tested every other day.

[1702] Why?

[1703] You're getting tested every day and there are doctors that are not getting tested.

[1704] And I'm like, well, A, I don't think I'm stealing a test from a doctor.

[1705] I'm sure the doctors can get tested.

[1706] So I think they're wrong about that.

[1707] And then secondly, just everyone slow down the fucking shame machine.

[1708] My God, you don't even know what you're talking about.

[1709] Let's pull it back.

[1710] We are as responsible as people can be moving around the country.

[1711] I have to go.

[1712] Oh, some people were mad.

[1713] We went to Arizona as if I picked.

[1714] Like, that's where we were shooting.

[1715] Look, by the way, when Arizona was said, it was like, oof, that's, that's not a hot spot.

[1716] We got to be extra careful.

[1717] We're wearing masks.

[1718] We're disinfecting.

[1719] We're not going indoors with people.

[1720] Correct.

[1721] And everyone that just lives to shame people on Twitter, you know, or even like, you know, we posted the brother and I have this sweet Planet Oats campaign going on right now.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] And again, everyone loved it.

[1724] But of course, I just heard the one person that's like, well, you blew the whole point of it by sharing the ice cream.

[1725] So I write, I've been quarantined with brother for three months.

[1726] That's right.

[1727] So just fucking lay off.

[1728] Yes, everyone who was with us on vacation has been, we've been quarantining together.

[1729] And tested.

[1730] We all got tested before we left.

[1731] That's right.

[1732] That's right.

[1733] I understand the fear.

[1734] I don't really understand the shame, but I do understand the fear.

[1735] Sure.

[1736] But we can just feel good knowing we're doing the right thing.

[1737] I know, but it aggravates me. You know what it is?

[1738] It's being the one family on the block in Oxford Acres, whose mom was divorced, and we were the only people, and we were the scumbags because we were divorced.

[1739] You don't like feeling.

[1740] I don't like shame.

[1741] I don't like people feeling fucking better than others or that they're doing it right.

[1742] I hate it.

[1743] I hate it.

[1744] I understand.

[1745] Yeah, it's triggering.

[1746] I also want to say this.

[1747] If you comment on my page in an attempt to shame me, I will block you because I don't like being shame.

[1748] So I don't ever, so if you've demonstrated to me once you want to shame me, then I don't need to stick around.

[1749] Shame on you.

[1750] Shame on me. Oh, it works.

[1751] Ful me one, shame on you.

[1752] Ful me twice shame on me. So I don't want to shame on me. So I will block you.

[1753] I don't doubt you care, but I've just, that's the policy.

[1754] Yeah, that's fair.

[1755] I'm being petty, aren't I?

[1756] Look, this is just human.

[1757] This is.

[1758] I'm a real person.

[1759] Yeah, you're a real.

[1760] And I think about your mean comments later.

[1761] Me too.

[1762] And I would love to be able to read the sweet, lovely comments from armcherrys, who I love to interact with.

[1763] I don't want to give that up because of the 1 % who are blowhards.

[1764] But listen, remember when people said me and stuff about me and you were like, oh, you just like could so easily dismiss it?

[1765] Yeah, I'm like, those people are jealous of you.

[1766] Right.

[1767] They want to be you.

[1768] I don't think it's true.

[1769] Well, they want to have my job.

[1770] I don't know that they want to be me. That's a different thing.

[1771] Anywho, when you're a third party, you can see, oh, it's silly.

[1772] Yeah.

[1773] But when it's you, it really hurts.

[1774] It hurts.

[1775] And because I am fucking doing everything.

[1776] Here's another thing.

[1777] Someone bitched me about my take on when we were really honest and I was like, look, my instinct is to say it's, it's whoever's most vulnerable's responsibility to be most protected.

[1778] Right.

[1779] I knew that would be a little bit triggering.

[1780] Yeah.

[1781] But I said, I'm doing everything perfect.

[1782] Just because I feel that way doesn't mean I'm acting irresponsible.

[1783] I'm doing everything by the book and doing it right.

[1784] You are.

[1785] And I feel that way.

[1786] We only saw lying about how I feel.

[1787] You came around a little bit, though, because I was saying sometimes you don't know.

[1788] You don't know how your interaction with one person who doesn't seem vulnerable will end up affecting a vulnerable person.

[1789] You're right.

[1790] But I didn't come around in that then I decided to start wearing a mask.

[1791] I'm already doing everything that can be done.

[1792] So there's nothing.

[1793] I didn't need to come around anything in that sense.

[1794] Into action.

[1795] My behavior needed no adjustment.

[1796] That's right.

[1797] Yeah.

[1798] That is true.

[1799] I've seen it.

[1800] I can say, I've seen it with my eyes.

[1801] I've even went, I took the time to thank, I'll give him a shout out right now.

[1802] Scott R .A .D. on top ear, he takes it really fucking serious.

[1803] And on a set, it's very inconvenient.

[1804] Oh, yeah, I bet.

[1805] We got to wipe down the cars every time someone gets in and out of them.

[1806] It's a fucking pain in the ass.

[1807] And Scott is keeping it meticulous.

[1808] And I, you know, I pull them aside.

[1809] I just want you know, I really appreciate how serious you're taking this.

[1810] That's nice.

[1811] And I'm not even fearful of it.

[1812] But it's the right thing to do.

[1813] Yeah.

[1814] And he's nailing it.

[1815] Wow.

[1816] Now, Craig, I love you, Craig.

[1817] My director, Craig, I love you.

[1818] We have a great relationship.

[1819] But sometimes I have to tell him, get that mask back up.

[1820] Okay.

[1821] And Rob, I'm giving shout -outs.

[1822] Let me just give more shout -outs.

[1823] Rob, producer, Rob, you like the show.

[1824] It makes me so happy.

[1825] He'll tell us me sometimes about the episode.

[1826] He's bulletproof with that mask.

[1827] So, Rob, keep it up.

[1828] Okay.

[1829] Craig, we can do a little better.

[1830] A little better.

[1831] I love you.

[1832] You're the greatest, a tiny bit better.

[1833] I really appreciate that you're keeping it tight there.

[1834] But wait, going back real quick to your real person and these comments and stuff.

[1835] When we were in Vienna, that's when I saw one comment that was mean about Monica and Jess.

[1836] Monica and Jess had just started.

[1837] Oh, right.

[1838] And there were a few mean comments.

[1839] It was on armchairs post.

[1840] It really hurt my feelings, of course.

[1841] Sure.

[1842] And then I looked and one of them.

[1843] was this girl and she was like, I don't care for Monica.

[1844] And then I saw that she was following me. And I was like, what the fuck?

[1845] You don't get to follow me if you publicly say, I don't care for Monica.

[1846] Yeah.

[1847] So then I said to Kristen, I like told her this.

[1848] And I said, so I'm going to block her.

[1849] And she said, don't do that.

[1850] That's childish.

[1851] I know.

[1852] I got to say mom is, she's a step ahead of us as far as being able to handle.

[1853] Well, okay.

[1854] She's more patient.

[1855] She's like, you know what?

[1856] I'd rather have someone stick around and maybe they end up getting infected by my message.

[1857] But what I'll say, no, yes.

[1858] Okay, sorry, sorry.

[1859] It is her birthday tomorrow, so I want to agree with you.

[1860] But the point of this is she said that and I still blocked the person.

[1861] Okay.

[1862] And then Kristen then said, I'm sorry if that sounded harsh.

[1863] I just don't want those people to affect you.

[1864] Okay, okay.

[1865] And I said, yeah, I understand that.

[1866] But then recently...

[1867] Sure.

[1868] She had a little tidal wave.

[1869] She did.

[1870] Yeah.

[1871] And it was really affecting her.

[1872] Yes, it was.

[1873] I think the reason that round affected her is she got nervous that she maybe her messaging wasn't as clear as she was hoping.

[1874] Yeah.

[1875] And so it really worried her that maybe she had done.

[1876] I think that's why it affected her so much.

[1877] But like, I don't care for Monica.

[1878] You haven't done anything wrong.

[1879] There's nothing for you to...

[1880] But it's a very personal show.

[1881] Yeah, it is.

[1882] Incredibly personal.

[1883] And for someone to say, I don't like it.

[1884] I just don't care for them.

[1885] I don't like her.

[1886] It's not a character in a movie.

[1887] Exactly.

[1888] It's painful to hear.

[1889] And the point is, I'm not saying Kristen did anything wrong.

[1890] I'm just saying when it's you, you feel it.

[1891] And when you're on it outside, it's easy to say, oh, just don't worry about it.

[1892] Yeah.

[1893] But you can't not worry about it.

[1894] It's your whole being.

[1895] Yeah.

[1896] Yeah.

[1897] I mean, the one where I was finally, I think I've said it on here before, but the one I was finally had to admit like I can't do it is at like 10 in the morning I read some guy wrote that like I'm broke and I live off my wife.

[1898] Oh that.

[1899] Oh, he said that you do that.

[1900] Yeah, this was like probably seven years ago or something.

[1901] And in my mind, I was like, well, that's just patently false.

[1902] So that guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

[1903] But then at like 6 p .m., a full eight hours later, I'm driving to the Hansen's house on the 101.

[1904] And in my head, I'm like, I mean, I owned my house before we even met.

[1905] She didn't own her house.

[1906] She didn't have any equity.

[1907] I'm literally defending myself.

[1908] I know.

[1909] And then I said to myself, you're powerless over this.

[1910] Yeah.

[1911] You know, you could pretend it rolls off your back.

[1912] It doesn't.

[1913] I was thinking about it eight hours later.

[1914] Preparing my defense to a stranger, we don't know what they're talking about.

[1915] I know.

[1916] It's very human.

[1917] And then I hear guys, even Cordu is telling me in the car, he's like, that shit does not bother.

[1918] And I believe him.

[1919] He's like, I'm the type of person that's like, I don't believe the compliments and I don't believe the burns.

[1920] And they just, none of it.

[1921] It doesn't elevate me. It doesn't lower me. And I'm like, I believe them.

[1922] And I'm very envious.

[1923] Yeah.

[1924] But I am not that way.

[1925] Yeah.

[1926] Now here's where I'll take your side of the argument that we generally have, which is I'm like, you're in charge of all your own feelings like it or not, right?

[1927] And you're like, no, people can injure you.

[1928] They can intend to.

[1929] And this thing is I hate shamers.

[1930] Yeah.

[1931] They piss me off.

[1932] I think shames the big enemy of humans, and I think they're perpetuating shame.

[1933] Yeah.

[1934] Now, sometimes people will be shamed.

[1935] If I'm, like, hitting my kid in a pose, shaming.

[1936] Like, I feel okay about shaming racist.

[1937] I do.

[1938] Yeah, yeah.

[1939] But I don't, oh, man, you'll probably choose not to air this, but let's do it.

[1940] Okay.

[1941] A huge article.

[1942] I haven't read it, so I really shouldn't be talking about this.

[1943] But I've been downloaded by Jess and my friend Tim Lovstead.

[1944] Okay.

[1945] That the LA Times did an article, I guess, about Groundlings being racist and UCB being racist.

[1946] And so what they've done, to my understanding, again, I could be totally wrong.

[1947] If I'm misrepresenting the article, I'm very sorry.

[1948] But to my understanding, they basically just went through and looked at what the percentage of people who had made it to the main company were.

[1949] I guess there was an issue with there's no photos on the wall of some of the black alumni.

[1950] That's a big issue.

[1951] That is, yeah.

[1952] I totally think that's an issue.

[1953] There's a bunch of things that are issues.

[1954] But I am very opposed.

[1955] to analyzing the outcome of something and then asserting what their policy is.

[1956] Here's my example.

[1957] You could start a tennis club or a golf club and it could be open to everybody.

[1958] There would be zero exclusion.

[1959] You could even run ads in Ebony.

[1960] But if you then go see how many members of the tennis club are black and it's zero percent, you can't conclude that that was intentional or that that was the goal.

[1961] And so you can't see, say how many black people are attracted to try out for the groundlings or would want to be a part of that white group of comedians.

[1962] You know, they don't know how many people entered to get to the number that they're making a judgment on.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] I don't think you can reverse engineer the outcome of things all the time.

[1965] I agree.

[1966] Sometimes you can.

[1967] Yeah.

[1968] But not blanketly.

[1969] I have had people add up every guess we've ever had.

[1970] Yep.

[1971] Put it up there.

[1972] Mind you, their math is wrong.

[1973] someone say that we have less than one percent of black guess.

[1974] That's not true at all.

[1975] And I would argue you're on all 230 episodes and you're a person of color.

[1976] So you can't just act like it's so.

[1977] So I have that issue.

[1978] But more than anything, it's like you don't know how many people we invite.

[1979] You don't know who we invite.

[1980] So there's no conclusion for you to draw because of the outcome of this.

[1981] Correct.

[1982] That bums me out.

[1983] So with our show, this is what's hard.

[1984] There is a smaller amount of famous celebrities who are black.

[1985] Then there are white famous celebrities.

[1986] They're just a smaller amount.

[1987] We do get requests about people who...

[1988] No one knows.

[1989] Exactly.

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] And that gets very tricky because...

[1992] Then you're like chicken or the egg?

[1993] Yeah, because I'm like, well, no one knows this person.

[1994] And just like if a white person of that same level, I would pass on as well.

[1995] Right.

[1996] But now I am like, look, maybe we should.

[1997] How is this person ever going to get there?

[1998] Yeah, we should correct a little bit.

[1999] Yeah, we're going to course correct a little bit.

[2000] Okay, so that's an area we're sure.

[2001] Yeah, we should probably have people of color who aren't as well known as.

[2002] An A -less celebrity.

[2003] Yes.

[2004] But I am going to add to this.

[2005] And this is something Kumal said to us.

[2006] I asked him off the record.

[2007] I'm like, look, man, I'm inviting a lot of black folks and no one's coming.

[2008] What do you think it is?

[2009] And he said, well, you're white.

[2010] That's part of it.

[2011] Oh, Kumau, yes.

[2012] And so what's funny is I follow to live Quali's podcast in his posts.

[2013] And he regularly has people on that we've invited that I know I've personally invited.

[2014] Yeah.

[2015] And they're on his show.

[2016] But he's black.

[2017] Yeah.

[2018] And I get it.

[2019] There are a lot of factors.

[2020] And for everyone to consider, this is not so easy to just assess.

[2021] But I am committed to doing our part to at least adjust the bar by which we...

[2022] Correct.

[2023] I think it's also a domino effect because I do think like 50 cents said it when he came on.

[2024] He was like, well, now they'll come on because I'm on.

[2025] But also something completely inexplicable.

[2026] I challenge anyone to tell us why.

[2027] In quarantine, all of a sudden, all the black folks we were asking were mostly saying yes.

[2028] Oh, I know why.

[2029] I know exactly why.

[2030] It's, again, part of this entire problem.

[2031] There's like six A -list black celebrities, and they work non -stop.

[2032] And that's a problem.

[2033] Once America decided like, oh, this is someone we like.

[2034] Then they just get hired and hired and hired.

[2035] They're not like making room for new people.

[2036] Yeah, Kevin Hart.

[2037] There's not a busier human being on planet.

[2038] He has zero time.

[2039] I think that's why.

[2040] I think it's still part of a little bit of this problem.

[2041] So great.

[2042] I accept that.

[2043] But here's another inexplicable thing.

[2044] Out of nowhere, we got like six of the top 12 female singers in America.

[2045] I don't know why.

[2046] Do they all had albums come out during quarantine?

[2047] Yeah.

[2048] Like just, it's just inexplicable.

[2049] Yeah.

[2050] All of a sudden, all these wonderful female artists were available.

[2051] Yeah, it's true.

[2052] Taylor.

[2053] Taylor, Swift.

[2054] Taylor.

[2055] You dodged a bullet, but quarantine's not over.

[2056] Oh, I'm still.

[2057] I'm still after you, Taylor.

[2058] T -T -T -T -T -T -S.

[2059] T -S.

[2060] Eliot.

[2061] Do you think his name was Taylor Swift Elliott?

[2062] Holy shit.

[2063] Your fucking head would do a 360 if his name was Taylor Swift Elliott.

[2064] Thomas Sterns Elliott.

[2065] Bummer.

[2066] Oh, so close.

[2067] So close.

[2068] Okay, so Cordry.

[2069] Bob Cordry.

[2070] What a fun episode that was.

[2071] It really was.

[2072] It was really nice.

[2073] nice to be back in the saddle.

[2074] Yeah.

[2075] I like him a lot.

[2076] He's a sweetie pie.

[2077] I like him so much.

[2078] Okay, but he does have beef with my boyfriend.

[2079] Which one?

[2080] Ben Affleck.

[2081] That's good beef to have.

[2082] That's like elevating.

[2083] Okay.

[2084] Like if my big, what if I was in a public fucking battle with Jack Nicholson and he was in it?

[2085] That'd be flattering.

[2086] Because I assume Nicholson doesn't know who I am.

[2087] Right.

[2088] But if he was mad at me in public about it, that would be a feather of my kid.

[2089] I just mean, I just don't want my friend and my boyfriend to be in a fight.

[2090] That makes sense.

[2091] Because we're all hanging out a lot.

[2092] Okay, you said a carton of cigarettes is $9 at Super Walmart.

[2093] Well, that's not true.

[2094] A carton of Marlboros.

[2095] Oh, mouthful.

[2096] Marlboros.

[2097] At Walmart is approximately $24 U .S. dollars.

[2098] That's the national average because I know each state has different tax.

[2099] Like, cigarette prices very greatly.

[2100] In New York City, I think a pack of cigarettes is like $11 or $12.

[2101] And then in some states, New Mexico is $4 .50.

[2102] I wonder if this is New Mexico because it says a carton of Marlboro's at Walmart is $280 or approximately $24 .24.

[2103] In Mexico.

[2104] Yeah, yeah.

[2105] Well, are Walmart's in Mexico?

[2106] Sure.

[2107] They're everywhere.

[2108] They're in Canada.

[2109] Okay.

[2110] We might have to scrap that figure.

[2111] Let's just scrap that figure.

[2112] I think it's state to state.

[2113] I'm leaving it.

[2114] Okay.

[2115] No one going to Walmart and demand that they only have to pay $22.

[2116] $24.

[2117] 24.

[2118] Okay.

[2119] Or 280 pesos.

[2120] It'll be even worse.

[2121] If you demand to pay in pesos in the states.

[2122] Okay.

[2123] He did National Shakespeare Company and said that it's like not that good.

[2124] Okay.

[2125] And then I was trying to remember because I did used to know that.

[2126] Okay.

[2127] Like what were the.

[2128] best ones and stuff.

[2129] And I texted my friend Angela, who I went to college with to see if she remembered.

[2130] And she didn't.

[2131] So we've retained no information is the takeaway.

[2132] That sounds normal.

[2133] Accurate.

[2134] Yeah.

[2135] The Royal Shakespeare Company is like the best.

[2136] Okay.

[2137] That's ringing a bell.

[2138] Yeah.

[2139] That I know.

[2140] When I studied abroad in London, I saw a Royal Shakespeare Company play.

[2141] Oh, was it?

[2142] And was it good?

[2143] Yeah.

[2144] It was?

[2145] I think.

[2146] I can't get into it, man. I wish it was.

[2147] I'm a, I'm a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a philistine.

[2148] Well, once you take a, if you took a class, you would be more appreciative of it because you'd have to do it.

[2149] And it is so hard to do.

[2150] Oh, I can, I don't think I could do it.

[2151] No, you, you definitely could because you start breaking it all down and you do start understanding what it means and then you can just convey that emotion.

[2152] Then it's kind of beautiful.

[2153] It's impressive as hell.

[2154] Yeah.

[2155] But this is one of the worst qualities about me. I was just, I've never done anything in life that I wasn't instantly pretty good.

[2156] at.

[2157] Oh, wow.

[2158] I have never, like, suffered through a learning curve other than reading, other than reading, yeah.

[2159] And I guess writing.

[2160] And then I was like, I'm done with that.

[2161] I'll just do the things I'm naturally inclined to do.

[2162] I wonder if anyone does something that they have zero aptitude.

[2163] I think people do.

[2164] I think people like get piano lessons and they're not good at it, but they just take much longer and then they do it.

[2165] It's very impressive.

[2166] I would like to take piano lessons.

[2167] I would too, but I can tell you right now, it'd be too hard for mean I'd quit.

[2168] I know I would.

[2169] And I can't read music.

[2170] I tried to do that.

[2171] I played the trombone in sixth grade.

[2172] And man, when they were teaching those notes on that fucking silly fence that you put the notes on, I was like, this is the stupidest fucking shit in the world.

[2173] Why aren't they just writing?

[2174] You call it a fence.

[2175] Think about it.

[2176] Why doesn't it just say A, B, C, like every good boy deserves Fudge?

[2177] Why are their fucking symbols?

[2178] Put the goddamn A. It doesn't make any sense.

[2179] It's still, you're still translating it onto the instrument, though.

[2180] You are, but why not just use A, B, C, D?

[2181] Because it is chord, right?

[2182] They're notes.

[2183] Every good boy deserves fudge.

[2184] Yeah, and FACE.

[2185] Why are we then translating that to a hieroglyphic?

[2186] That's preposterous.

[2187] And you'll say, oh, so you can put it in tempo and what pitch, but you can still do all that with A, G, E, F, you know.

[2188] It's, they've made it so abstract for no reason, in my opinion.

[2189] all right what if i just tore down the entire oh my god what there was radical reform you're really i'm pissed at a light um by the way the thing is so complicated the fucking hieroglyphics might as well just put the fingers on the guitar chords i mean that would be less complicated than the stupid swoopy fucking ampersands and shit they're putting on there wow those fucking symbols only exist in music the single node and the double i think they call it tablature or tapiture that you You can learn guitar like that without the notes, but they are the notes.

[2190] And they call it tablature or something.

[2191] Oh, okay.

[2192] Well, I got a lot on my chest today.

[2193] Wow, you really do.

[2194] I feel differently.

[2195] I feel that I'm not naturally good at really anything.

[2196] Okay.

[2197] Other than being smart and funny.

[2198] But I work really hard and I really like the feeling of going from zero to 10 on something.

[2199] Yeah, you get a lot of pride out of it.

[2200] Like my back tuck.

[2201] Right.

[2202] Mine is all extrinsic.

[2203] I only get a good feeling when I'm doing it well and someone notices.

[2204] Oh, yeah.

[2205] Wow.

[2206] Yeah.

[2207] Okay.

[2208] Oh, the term third rail.

[2209] Yes.

[2210] Okay.

[2211] So you said you thought it had to do with conversation where someone would kind of launch as like kind of a self -defeating or a that would kill the conversation.

[2212] Yeah, or take it in a direction that has nothing to do with Yeah, which I think you mean derail.

[2213] No. No, okay.

[2214] I've been hearing this term third rail just recently.

[2215] Like over the last three months I hear it pop up on like political shows mostly.

[2216] That's right.

[2217] It is a political term.

[2218] Okay.

[2219] It's a metaphor for any issue that's so controversial that it's charged and untouchable to the extent that any politician or public official who dares to approach the subject will invariably suffer politically.

[2220] Oh, so then it must still be rooted in the subway system where the third rail is electrified and will kill.

[2221] Okay, okay, that's cool.

[2222] It's cool, right?

[2223] Yeah.

[2224] I didn't know it either.

[2225] I feel like you and I tackle some third rail topics.

[2226] Oh, for sure.

[2227] It's pretty much exclusively.

[2228] This podcast could be called third rail.

[2229] There must be one called third rail, right?

[2230] Let me look while you get to your next fact.

[2231] Okay, when was Hot Tub Time Machine?

[2232] It was 2010.

[2233] He doesn't know dates.

[2234] At all.

[2235] At all.

[2236] Okay, so he said landmark forum is all about fucking and orgies.

[2237] Okay.

[2238] I feel obligated to say I don't think that's true.

[2239] No, it's definitely not true.

[2240] People go there to learn about themselves and overcome.

[2241] And build a toolbox.

[2242] That's right.

[2243] Yeah.

[2244] I think it's cool.

[2245] I've never taken it, but Jess has done all of them and he's told us a lot about it.

[2246] And everything he said, I'm like, yeah, that holds.

[2247] That's a really cool thing.

[2248] It gets a lot into the story you tell yourself, which I think is, yeah, worth.

[2249] Okay, right.

[2250] So there is Brooklyn Deep, third rail, third rail with Nick Beaton, third rail, third rail talk.

[2251] Oh, wow.

[2252] Yeah, it's, it's, yeah, we're not on anything new at all.

[2253] Okay.

[2254] I can't imagine at this phase where there's 800 ,000 podcasts or whatever we learned that there's any combination of words that isn't taken.

[2255] That's true.

[2256] Good luck.

[2257] Good luck, everybody.

[2258] I got to take this to motor home.

[2259] Okay.

[2260] Gosh, Dax is in the middle of buying a motorhome.

[2261] Guys, I've been, this makes me so nervous to say, okay, we don't have.

[2262] No, no, but I'm going to do it.

[2263] I've, I've been looking at motorhomes for 10 years.

[2264] You have.

[2265] Literally 10 years, I go on RV Trader and I just comb through ads and I know way too much stuff about the different companies.

[2266] Yeah.

[2267] And I found one that just perfectly met our needs and it's got bunk beds and it's got the big engine so I can tow my trailer and I am excited.

[2268] It looks just like something Whalen Jennings would be in.

[2269] And in fact, I'm going to make it a tribute to Whalen Jennings, the whole bus.

[2270] It's going to be the Jennings Express or the Whalen Express.

[2271] Do you know the first song I'm going to listen to it when I drive it?

[2272] The one about Native Americans being yellow?

[2273] Nope.

[2274] Which one?

[2275] On a greyhound bus, I've been traveling these highways, been doing things my way.

[2276] Oh, wow.

[2277] I fucked that up somehow, but.

[2278] Well, I have fingers crossed.

[2279] Well, you'll be a beneficiary of this purchase.

[2280] I'm so excited.

[2281] Okay, so last fact.

[2282] Last fact.

[2283] You said the original Top Gear biggest TV property in the world, correct?

[2284] You said one billion viewers.

[2285] The number I have found multiple times was $350 million per week.

[2286] Per week.

[2287] That's insane.

[2288] But then somebody else said that's unreliable.

[2289] But that's the number I saw a few times.

[2290] So we'll say it's accurate.

[2291] And that's crazy.

[2292] It's bonkers.

[2293] Yeah.

[2294] The only reason I knew about that is 60 Minutes did a great segment on it about 10 years ago.

[2295] Oh, another update, house cleaning.

[2296] Ooh.

[2297] I'm still very embarrassed about it.

[2298] So I'm not saying that I was by any means right, but at least I figured out.

[2299] Like, I don't mind being wrong.

[2300] Mm -hmm.

[2301] But it would scare me to think I inflated $2 billion to $6 billion.

[2302] Okay.

[2303] Like the LAPD, it's been driving me fucking bonkers.

[2304] Okay.

[2305] Now here's where the comments are glorious.

[2306] A couple different people said, I think you're thinking of the NYP.

[2307] budget, which is $6 billion.

[2308] Uh -huh.

[2309] So I'm like, okay, at least I heard $6 billion for a police budget and I'm not just losing my marbles.

[2310] That makes sense.

[2311] That scares me. I get that.

[2312] To think I'm fat off.

[2313] Your marbles are gone.

[2314] Yeah, they will be gone soon, but I don't think we're there yet.

[2315] No, we got a ways to go.

[2316] Okay, great.

[2317] All right.

[2318] Let's use our marbles together.

[2319] Okay.

[2320] Let's mix our marbles.

[2321] I love you, Rob Cordy.

[2322] Thanks for doing it.

[2323] Thank you.

[2324] All right.

[2325] Love you.

[2326] Love you.

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