Lamorne Morris

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dash Shepherd, and I'm joined by Monica Pladman.

[2] Hash Padman.

[3] Hashish Padman.

[4] Today we have a very, very likable, funny gentleman that we had a blast talking to.

[5] Lamorn Morris.

[6] Lamorne Morris is an actor, a comedian, and a podcaster.

[7] You probably fell in love with him on the new girl, as Monica did.

[8] And he has a really cool show on Hulu called Woke.

[9] And then, of course, he's got a new scripted podcast.

[10] podcast called Unwanted, about two slackers attempting to catch an escape convicted murder who was allegedly hiding in their town.

[11] This was a Bader Meinhoff frequency illusion ding, ding, ding, ding, satisfizers.

[12] Because as soon as we interviewed him, the podcast popped up on my podcast.

[13] Oh, did?

[14] Oh, freaky.

[15] I know.

[16] But I'm really excited to listen to it.

[17] Serendipitous.

[18] I know.

[19] Please enjoy Lamorne Morris.

[20] Wondry plus.

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[22] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[23] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[24] He's an armchair expert.

[25] This is my favorite part of every interview.

[26] Oh, yes?

[27] Watching people try to figure this shit out.

[28] It's so funny.

[29] technically if this were like a hundred years ago this would be considered rocket science so get off my back it's inconceivable what we do now yeah and yet there's some expectation that we all know how to do it which is also comical oh yeah let's first get into the fact that monica is in georgia and what appears to be are we in a pantry i thought this might come up yeah i'm in the most padded room i could find and it happens to be a storage closet with lots of cook Oh, yeah, because that Pocodabid ramekin or whatever that thing is bowl is awesome.

[30] Show that off a little bit.

[31] This is from college.

[32] This was purchased by me in college.

[33] So I appreciate that compliment a lot.

[34] Well, someone doesn't appreciate it because it's sitting in a storage closet.

[35] You're right.

[36] I got to bring those back home.

[37] What am I doing?

[38] I just wanted you to know, more than that, we've had great luck with describing different cups and plates.

[39] You know, on the show, we find people really enjoy just kind of painting a mental image for themselves.

[40] Oh, 100%.

[41] Yeah.

[42] Just to be clear, it is a black bowl with white polka dots and not the other way around, yes.

[43] And what color is the inside of the bowl?

[44] I don't know.

[45] It's armchair yellow.

[46] Oh, it's armchair yellow.

[47] Okay, that's a lie.

[48] It's orange, but that's fine.

[49] Oh, man, y 'all have a much different view of this.

[50] I would have said that was blue with white.

[51] I'm virtually the listener painting my own picture, apparently, because I saw armchair yellow in the inside, blue on the outside, and white dots.

[52] Oh, my God.

[53] Just imagine the ball has Vidaligo.

[54] And I think that's, okay.

[55] That's a great place to start.

[56] Great, great.

[57] Skip that Michael Jackson thing.

[58] I mean, that's a very black -centric knowledge to have Vidaligo, but do you just, in general, do you collect, like, medical condition?

[59] I don't know what it is.

[60] I like to memorize them, and I feel like it makes me look really small.

[61] Mark.

[62] So do you collect them?

[63] Like, if I quizzed you, do you know what a hemophiliac is, that kind of stuff?

[64] Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[65] Absolutely.

[66] No, I'll be honest with you.

[67] I don't know shit.

[68] Oh, okay.

[69] I really don't.

[70] I happen to know Vidaligo.

[71] When I was a kid, I had like a little white spot right here on my chin.

[72] Then on my arm, I have like a line that goes down.

[73] And so it's not Vidaligo, but then having researched what the hell was going on with me, I then had to learn about Vidalico.

[74] I was 14.

[75] I was like a 14 year old kid.

[76] So obviously I was still trying to see some boobies.

[77] And then I thought, more.

[78] I was like, I thought this would like ruin it for me. You've stopped.

[79] I'm 46 and married for 14 years and I'm still just trying to see them boobies.

[80] Trying to take a peek whenever he can.

[81] Maybe you in the shower?

[82] You in the shower, baby?

[83] Every time we play the game, like, what superpower do you want?

[84] People be like, you can have unlimited in money.

[85] You can create gold.

[86] You can fly.

[87] I'm like, uh -uh.

[88] Invisible.

[89] I want to watch showers.

[90] That's all I want to do.

[91] There's no amount of money that would be as fun as being able to just hang in a public shower all day.

[92] Oh, you're so creepy.

[93] That is because the problem is is that you'll also see things you don't want to see.

[94] Well, that's part of the thrill, I think.

[95] I really do.

[96] It's like, you know, you need a little salt to taste the sweet.

[97] It's like, yeah, Yeah, I just think it's a part of the whole beautiful spectrum.

[98] See, now every time I go cruising in a public bathroom, I'm going to think you're invisible there watching it.

[99] Did you watch The Boys?

[100] Yes, I was going to mention that.

[101] I thought of that, too.

[102] And you're right, Monica.

[103] It was the creepiest moment in the whole series.

[104] But you would mainly be at, like, men's locker room so you can check out the male physiques.

[105] I'm so interested in the male penis and the male physique.

[106] You're just trying to compare yourself to see where you stack up.

[107] I think that's right.

[108] Well, hold on.

[109] Monica.

[110] Okay, well, I'm just saying I think that's right.

[111] She's like, true.

[112] That's true.

[113] I've known him for a long time.

[114] This is true.

[115] Two to one is consensus on this call, I guess.

[116] You're from a Chicago suburb.

[117] How far out of Chicago?

[118] Because I imagine you and I run into this thing all the time, which is like, where are you from?

[119] Milford, forget that.

[120] That's a half hour conversation.

[121] Where are you from Detroit?

[122] Great.

[123] And then someone says, from Detroit.

[124] What the fuck?

[125] You're not from Detroit.

[126] I'm like, yeah, but I don't have an hour to explain what is 20 minutes west of Detroit.

[127] But I want to set the record straight here, and this is a very great platform to do that on.

[128] I am from Chicago, Chicago.

[129] However, Google or Wikipedia or whoever the hell decided that I'm not.

[130] Oh.

[131] I went to high school in Glen Ellen, Illinois, which is like 45 minutes outside of the city.

[132] That's the problem.

[133] I went to high school there.

[134] But prior to being 15, I lived south side of Chicago.

[135] Okay.

[136] So then you and I do not have the same.

[137] problem other than people believe erroneously that you went in a suburb.

[138] Okay, and I'm to blame for that.

[139] So thank you for correcting me. But you're fixing it now.

[140] And for that, I thank you.

[141] Well, and now I lived in downtown Detroit after I graduated, but for an insignificant time period, but I will lean heavily on that aspect when challenged about my Detroit status.

[142] Well, you have to.

[143] You have to.

[144] You have to.

[145] It's like an army brat.

[146] If they want to say they're from Germany, Damn it, you're from Germany.

[147] Also, we were dead broke for about three years when my mom left my dad.

[148] But when I tell the story, it's more like nine years.

[149] We were living in a van.

[150] My mom was borrowing food from neighbors.

[151] So what did mom and dad do in the south side of Chicago?

[152] My mom worked at the post office for, I want to say, maybe 40 years.

[153] Mm -hmm.

[154] Something like that.

[155] Wow.

[156] Yeah.

[157] So she retired a little bit ago.

[158] My father, that's a whole other story.

[159] Oh, it sounds like it's my favorite kind of story.

[160] Yeah.

[161] Bingo.

[162] Bingo, bingo, bingo.

[163] When I was a kid, kid, I remember him being an electrician.

[164] And he probably was.

[165] He was also very athletic.

[166] Right now he lives in Belize, and he's a soccer coach for the Blee's national soccer team and a track team.

[167] Oh, shit.

[168] Yeah.

[169] Wow.

[170] But when I was growing up, growing up, there was a whole kind of, drug middle ground there.

[171] Okay.

[172] Now we're getting somewhere.

[173] There was that.

[174] There was the drug dealing and that whole thing.

[175] And that was going on for a few years when I was a kid.

[176] Did he get sober?

[177] Got sober, it's clean now, lives in Belize.

[178] Unpredictable when he would show up for his quote weekend?

[179] Or did they remain married?

[180] They got divorced.

[181] But even as a kid, it was unpredictable when he would just kind of roam into the house.

[182] You know what I mean?

[183] Like, you didn't know what was happening.

[184] Sometimes it would be cool.

[185] Sometimes it would not be so cool.

[186] Sure.

[187] Some hallucinations maybe were occurring.

[188] Oh, my God.

[189] Oh, absolutely.

[190] We lived in a kind of a sketchy situation at some parts.

[191] My mom was busting her butt to get us out of the environment.

[192] And she was, but when you have your partner that isn't on the same page, it kind of keeps bringing the family back down a little bit.

[193] So she got out of that.

[194] Do you have siblings?

[195] Yeah, man. I got 40 brothers.

[196] Oh, my God.

[197] Congrats.

[198] Your father's Dennis Rodman.

[199] Yes.

[200] You could have just jumped right to that.

[201] I have two brothers and a sister.

[202] And I have a half -sister.

[203] My father has another kid.

[204] I have a half -sister.

[205] But, like, in our family, it was interesting because my cousin then became like my sister because my mom kind of adopted her.

[206] So she was like my sister as well.

[207] What a mom.

[208] She was dealing with all that and took on another child as well.

[209] I'm sorry.

[210] I just got a note from someone.

[211] Okay, continue.

[212] Sorry.

[213] Um, no, someone really did bring me a, no. Um, yeah, for real?

[214] No. I thought that was a bit, but I didn't understand it.

[215] I couldn't wait to see where this was going.

[216] We'll get to that.

[217] Oh, I can't wait.

[218] Did your father's lawyer just contact?

[219] My lawyer is just to don't talk about your dad.

[220] No, but my mom is great, man. My mom's a superhero.

[221] Like, she truly is.

[222] Like, I think about all the things that, like, the things that stress me out on a day -to -day basis.

[223] And then I go, look, she raised for kids.

[224] five kind of and then had to work and then had to still be a funny individual.

[225] My mom's hilarious, so she still found the humor and everything.

[226] Are you middle?

[227] I'm the youngest.

[228] You're the youngest.

[229] Oh, baby boy.

[230] You don't strike me as the youngest.

[231] Can I just generalize?

[232] I'm very mature.

[233] You're very mature, but you're very clearly like a peacemaker, which is generally like the middle child.

[234] That's true.

[235] However, what you don't see is that I always start the things too.

[236] Okay.

[237] I'm an instigator and then a peacemaker.

[238] What full service you're offering, soup to nuts.

[239] Yeah, it's like this hero complex.

[240] Like, I want to save the day, so I'll cause the problem first.

[241] Was it you and I, Monica, the other day, I was saying, my family creed is we do not start fights, but we do finish fights.

[242] And Monica, how did you feel about that?

[243] I'm not crazy about that.

[244] I think if you're finishing the fight, you probably had something to do with starting it.

[245] Yeah.

[246] I had this discussion with my brother the other day about that.

[247] I come home, my brother and a couple buddies are drinking in my kitchen, and my brother doesn't drink that much.

[248] But when he does, oh, he talks a lot.

[249] And he's normally not.

[250] He's normally a really quiet guy, super introverted, just like a chilled out dude, very mellow.

[251] But when he drinks, he'll start talking.

[252] I come home and my buddy, Kyle, is like, so Lamour, all those stories you told about your brother beating people up, you failed to mention was that you were starting those fights.

[253] And I was like, what are you talking about?

[254] So he goes to a list of all the times he had to, like, beat somebody up in high school for me. And, like, it always tracks back to how I started that fight.

[255] Sure.

[256] So I was like, oh, kind of.

[257] Oh, man. My brother taught me the hardest lesson ever in, like, first grade.

[258] The toughest kid in my elementary school, he's like two grades ahead of me. We're walking home.

[259] We have the same, like, walk home route.

[260] And I can see my brother's in the front yard of the house.

[261] So I start instigating a fight with this guy.

[262] And I'm letting him hear it.

[263] You're a bully.

[264] You're an asshole.

[265] People hate you, you know.

[266] And it does crescendo right when we get to my house.

[267] But my brother hears me saying all this shit to him.

[268] And finally, he turns to kick my ass.

[269] And I look at my brother like, time to get to work.

[270] And he goes, uh -uh, you're taking this.

[271] And I just got my ass kicked back in front of my brother.

[272] And I learned a good lesson there.

[273] I thank him for it.

[274] Never talked to a guy named Craig.

[275] No, no, no, whose father has lied about his age so that he can play professional baseball, which ended up happening.

[276] He was Dominican?

[277] Yes, he's stupid.

[278] No, no, no. He was as white as they get.

[279] Cop dad.

[280] But it was always confusing how this guy was so huge.

[281] You know, he was drastically bigger than us.

[282] And then it was later revealed that they had lied about his.

[283] He started kindergarten and like seven.

[284] Jesus.

[285] Oh, my God.

[286] Craig.

[287] Penis is massive, man. Yes.

[288] So much hair.

[289] It's fifth grade.

[290] Best began your proclivity to see men's penises and bodies.

[291] That's how it started.

[292] He was probably like, wait, I'm in the fourth grade.

[293] I must have like a hair suit issue or something.

[294] Okay, so you're from Chicago, so it makes a ton of sense.

[295] But I did have my formative years in Glen Ellen as well.

[296] And is that largely a white suburb, I'm guessing?

[297] Oh, yeah.

[298] Oh, yeah.

[299] There were a few black kids in our school, like a class of like 2000, I want to say, but there are maybe like six or seven black kids.

[300] Oh, wow.

[301] Very outnumbered.

[302] Very much so.

[303] I've seen this go both ways.

[304] One way it's gone is like there's a unicorn there and every girl's in love with this guy.

[305] I've seen that.

[306] And then I've seen it goes as bad as you can imagine and it's just torture for the human being.

[307] Yeah, it was kind of middle.

[308] Okay.

[309] So, yes, kind of like a unicorn.

[310] However, we weren't the first.

[311] It'd be different if we were like the first black kids to show up.

[312] And it'd be like, oh, let's play with their hair.

[313] Oh, that's like, touch their bodies.

[314] Oh, gosh.

[315] You know, but that wasn't the case.

[316] We were like the newer black kids that showed up.

[317] So the black kids who were already there, they had taken over already.

[318] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[319] The novelty had worn off.

[320] Right.

[321] Although not very racist.

[322] I mean, you had some remarks here and there from some people, but it wasn't like that.

[323] A lot of my friends are white.

[324] A lot of my friends are Hispanic.

[325] My best friend's Indian.

[326] I know a couple Indian people, too, upstairs.

[327] Yeah, there's a few.

[328] So it was like a well -rounded group of folks.

[329] It just happened to be predominantly white.

[330] Different religions.

[331] It wasn't like being in the deep south or something like that in the predominantly white neighborhood.

[332] Yeah, and I think I'm eight years older than you.

[333] Is that right?

[334] you're born in 83.

[335] 83, yeah.

[336] Okay.

[337] Again, I went suburb of Detroit, but really hillbilly, like, not good.

[338] And people my brother's age, the things they did on Halloween that was acceptable and stuff, that had already changed by the time I was around in 93 going to high school or graduating in 93.

[339] And then, yeah, I would hope it got better, but like unacceptable to be gay in 1992 in high school.

[340] I mean, just absolutely unimaginable for anyone that wanted to be openly gay.

[341] Right.

[342] And I sure hope that's evolved.

[343] Yeah.

[344] We had a kid in our school, and I remember this is the first time I ever heard of anything like that before.

[345] He was a trans lesbian.

[346] Okay.

[347] And his name was cat.

[348] So born a boy and then identified as a girl but was attracted to women.

[349] Bingo.

[350] And I would have thought that I would have been shocked by this.

[351] But I just remember a lot of kids were.

[352] And I was always just like, I didn't understand what the big deal was.

[353] And I think a lot of had to do with the fact that we were only a few black kids who had to deal with certain things in this environment as well.

[354] So it was almost like we're teammates in a way where you're like, you see this shit we got to do it, man. Yeah, yeah.

[355] Outnumbered 300 to 1.

[356] I know.

[357] So, yeah, but again, it wasn't one of those places where it was outwardly frowned on or anything like that.

[358] Until this day, like I said, most of my friends still come from that place.

[359] I love going back to visit.

[360] again, little incidents here and there, but like I said, I was kind of right there in the middle.

[361] I would guess that what you may be dealt with more is this thing that I think it's the thing I couldn't deal with if I were black.

[362] I feel like I could deal with just straight in your face racism.

[363] I couldn't deal with the like super concerned liberal who I would have to console.

[364] That's the thing that would drive me absolutely mad.

[365] And I have to imagine you ran into some of that in that progressive liberal school.

[366] Kind of, are you meaning like little microaggressions here where people don't know they're being racist, but they're overly concerned about your well -being.

[367] Yes, like they express like this, oh, my God, I saw what happened to George Floyd, and I'm just devastated, and I can't believe this is happening to you.

[368] And when is this going to change?

[369] And then all of a sudden, you're in the position going like, I know, I know I'm sorry.

[370] You know, we're going to march.

[371] We're going to like, you start trying to build them up.

[372] And it's like, what?

[373] Let me tell you something, man. That shit happens all the time, especially this past year dude.

[374] I mean, my DMs were just like, hey, I'm just checking in with you.

[375] I'm like, for what?

[376] It's so well -intentioned, but it's so brutal, because now you've got a fucking I have to put that emotional fire out.

[377] I didn't start that fire.

[378] I didn't.

[379] But again, that type of stuff has been something that has been going on my whole life.

[380] But I didn't identify it until this past year.

[381] I was going to say, like, Monica and I watched the Rodman documentary, which is fascinating.

[382] Your brother.

[383] Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.

[384] I'm sorry.

[385] I don't know what your nickname forum is, but it's so sad.

[386] He goes away, I guess it's to Arkansas or somewhere to play basketball.

[387] Oklahoma, I think.

[388] Okay, Oklahoma.

[389] And he lives with this white family and he's described me and saying it's not really racist, you know, I mean, people said the N -word, And as he unveils it all, you recognize, and it's heartbreaking, that it's just so fucking racist that he didn't see it.

[390] Like, he's making excuses for the white mom who dropped the end bomb several times.

[391] And then that becomes even sadder for some reason, that you wouldn't be aware of that.

[392] That you're protecting innately the person who's victimizing you.

[393] That's called the magical Negro syndrome.

[394] Oh.

[395] It's like the magical Negro, it's bagger vance.

[396] It's Michael Clark Duncan from a movie I'm thinking about with Tom Hanks.

[397] The prison movie.

[398] Yeah.

[399] When you walk down the street, and I didn't know, I used to do this all the time, I had no idea I was doing it.

[400] You walk down the street, the stereotype is that if a white woman's walking and you're a black man, you've got to kind of show that you're safe.

[401] This happens to me all this happens to me today.

[402] Well, they grab their purses.

[403] They walk across the street when they see me coming.

[404] So you smile.

[405] You got to smile really bright from a distance, so they know you're safe.

[406] I'm unarmed.

[407] That's to put yourself in a positive mood, show that you're okay for them to feel better about themselves.

[408] That's you being the magical Negro to help them.

[409] I know what Monica's going to say.

[410] Yeah, I say it all the time on here.

[411] I bring it up all the time.

[412] Whistling Vivaldi is a book about that, about this college kid at, like Columbia or Chicago or something.

[413] And he realized that if he started whistling Vivaldi on his walks, then people would not start moving across the street or looking scared.

[414] Like that put them in ease.

[415] But if he just was walking like normal, yeah, people would like cross the street.

[416] If he was whistling Wu -Chank Clan, you know.

[417] Move, bitch.

[418] Get out of the way.

[419] Get out of the way, bitch.

[420] Oh, God.

[421] Yeah, that could go sideways.

[422] Yeah.

[423] Yeah.

[424] But he should be able to.

[425] He should.

[426] Now I'm very unapologetic.

[427] Now I don't do that anymore.

[428] But I identify there are times where I feels like I have to do it and I just don't do it.

[429] Yeah.

[430] You do it sometimes when you get pulled over.

[431] When you're like, hey, what do you need?

[432] What do you need for me today?

[433] I just want to go home.

[434] When I get pulled over, I quickly pull the poster for chips out of my back seat.

[435] I'm one of you.

[436] Oh, it's just me. I made this whole movie.

[437] about you.

[438] You don't even feel flatter?

[439] You want to let me go?

[440] Oh, I got handcuffed.

[441] Maybe like last year, about a year ago, something like that.

[442] After you shot Woke?

[443] It was right before.

[444] Oh, my God.

[445] Really quick, can I tell Monica?

[446] I watched Woke last night.

[447] Really fucking great pilot.

[448] I cannot wait to watch the rest of that.

[449] In the pilot, Lomorne, he's playing a cartoonist based on a real guy.

[450] He's not dipping his toes in anything controversial.

[451] He's just cruising through life.

[452] And, yeah, out of nowhere, he gets tackled.

[453] And he fits the description of the suspect and it's clearly incredibly traumatizing and he's trying to shake it off.

[454] But okay, so I had already shot the pilot, though.

[455] On New Girl, I play a police officer because I wanted to.

[456] We were playing around a bunch of storylines and I just asked if I could play a police officer.

[457] I've even written an episode about it.

[458] Like, I have love for cops.

[459] I just remember trying to stop a fight between a friend and like this security at a bar or something.

[460] Like, it was late night.

[461] We were all drinking.

[462] But I just remember seeing like the friend comes up and he goes, Hey, man, is that your buddy being beat up?

[463] I was like, what do you mean?

[464] I look, I was like five security guards on my buddy, and I'm like, what the hell?

[465] So I was like, let's just get him out of here.

[466] So I get him out, I call him an Uber, and we're walking.

[467] We're walking maybe like two blocks away from this place.

[468] And then next thing you know, the manager in security is following us.

[469] And I'm like, what did you do?

[470] Like, why are they?

[471] We are two blocks away from this establishment.

[472] They are hot on our tail.

[473] But he's super calm.

[474] He's like, let's just go home.

[475] I just want to go home.

[476] But all my friends are still.

[477] in there.

[478] I haven't paid my tab yet.

[479] So calling Uber.

[480] Uber comes up.

[481] The police pulls up in front of the Uber.

[482] And then he just looks at us, it goes, which one is it?

[483] And the manager of this place, I remember him looking at both of us, it goes, get these niggas out of here.

[484] I was like, what the fuck?

[485] That's when I started getting pissed.

[486] That's what I started to go, hold on.

[487] And then it turned into them cuffing my friend.

[488] And now I got my phone out going, what's going on, here.

[489] To be fair, the police officer was fine.

[490] He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

[491] He just got out of the ordinary once.

[492] Him and I had a conversation on the side and we were talking about how he knew that I played a police officer on TV.

[493] He made a joke like, you should already know, man. He got to give me some space, you know, and he's being funny about it.

[494] And I was like, all right, cool.

[495] But then another officer comes up and just cuffs me. So I look at the guy and I go, hey, man, I play a police officer on TV.

[496] That's how you do me?

[497] I just say it.

[498] Oh, my God.

[499] Yeah.

[500] It was one of the weirdest moments of my life.

[501] It didn't last very long, and I wasn't even shook afterwards about it.

[502] It was just a funny situation to me to go, if I would have smiled more and did a whole song and dance more and just been all chummy, it wouldn't have gone down that way.

[503] But just having a normal visceral reaction to something that's happening around you can get you cuffed.

[504] well they do a great job of it in the pilot awoke where you know your white friend arrives on the scene and he's fucking poking the chest of the cop and you know and it's not like a magnifying glass on it it just kind of happening in the background you're like oh yeah that's what he can do he can poke people and scream and yep i had this thought after i watched it i was like the police are taken all of the kind of collective frustration on this issue right now they're kind of the emblem of it for the last year and a half.

[505] It did occur to me after I watched that.

[506] I was like, you know, the thing is they're also a scapegoat.

[507] So the people at Starbucks have the same level of bias.

[508] The people at the grocery store, the manager of the thing, the only thing is their business doesn't have guns.

[509] So it's like, we want to think of the police as being like uniquely biased or uniquely racist, but what you're really just seen is that, no, that's the occupation that has guns and handcuffs.

[510] If they had them at Starbucks, we'd see it there too.

[511] If they had it at the grocery store, we'd see it.

[512] don't think it's unique to them.

[513] Well, I think white people think it's unique to cops.

[514] I don't think black people do.

[515] I think they know it's everywhere.

[516] Yeah.

[517] But I think it's like within the white community or, you know, anyone who's not black, it's like, oh, the cops are the problem.

[518] But I don't think that's an issue that black people.

[519] Right.

[520] I mean, when you talk to black folks, what we say is that it's not the individual people.

[521] Because obviously there's individual bad folks, but it's a system that allows that to flourish.

[522] It's not just the justice system.

[523] It's every system that allows for that to be the case.

[524] And you're right, though, that is the scary part about it all, is that they have guns.

[525] The worst thing that could happen at Starbucks is they could, like, give me the wrong coffee.

[526] God damn, I wanted two shots of espresso.

[527] Well, they seem to love to call the police on black customers from what I see on the internet.

[528] Oh, absolutely.

[529] Absolutely.

[530] Absolutely.

[531] I hope they just have a button there.

[532] It's just like it's a direct...

[533] There's no way he's in here to buy coffee.

[534] Black people don't even like coffee.

[535] We don't sell grape soda, sir.

[536] I want so badly to know the name of the restaurant so that no one goes there ever again, but we should probably not do that.

[537] Well, here's my issue with that, so I'm happy to do that.

[538] But at the same time, I then go to, like, let's say it's your mom's business, and they've hired this Yahoo, and this fucking Yahoo's a dip shit, and he fucks up your whole business and now you're paying the price for this.

[539] I think it's all complicated.

[540] Oh, yeah.

[541] If he's the owner, let's put it on blast.

[542] But do we know he's the owner?

[543] Right.

[544] I think in an effort with certain companies to not get too heavy -handed with their individuals, however, you could set a standard.

[545] Like, if you are the owner, there has to be this zero tolerance that people know, like, I can't behave this way.

[546] There is no two times, three times.

[547] There's no three -strike rule.

[548] There is a one and done for certain types of behavior, and not just racial behavior.

[549] There's all kinds of behavior that shouldn't be tolerated in the workplace.

[550] Yeah, it has to have the same relevance as if you caught your manager following a little girl into the bathroom.

[551] You'd be like, okay, well, you don't get a second chance on pedophilia.

[552] Exactly.

[553] Sionara.

[554] Yeah, so I don't know.

[555] I think in a few years, we'll solve racism.

[556] Yeah, 18 months.

[557] I give it 18 months.

[558] I've brought it up on here before, and the risk of being.

[559] a broken record.

[560] I think the one example I always like to give about what you're saying about the system is if you take Rodney King, initially on the surface, you think, oh, fuck, four of those 10 cops are racist.

[561] They're beating the hell out of this guy.

[562] They're treating him like he's not a human being.

[563] Oh my God.

[564] That's terrible.

[565] 40 % of that.

[566] That's what I first thought.

[567] And then when you discover that no, all 12 went back and wrote the same report.

[568] And then you go, okay, wow.

[569] So even the people that weren't beating him up or maybe would have never chose to do that.

[570] They still know how to operate in the system, which is protect those guys.

[571] And then it goes up.

[572] It goes further and further where you just realize, oh, okay.

[573] And then that report.

[574] So, yeah, you see the system at work and not just the individual's racism.

[575] 100 % that's the system, dude.

[576] I like to say, like, if me and my brothers were out doing just dumb shit as kids and then we came home and then like our dad like had it swept under the rug for us, I'm not going to be man at that.

[577] Because that's my brother.

[578] We're a sibling.

[579] And my father's like, well, I got to do what I got to do to protect them.

[580] But to the neighbors, they're like, these kids, man, and they're fucked up dad, always getting them out of trouble.

[581] It's that household.

[582] It's that dad.

[583] It's that overseer who needs to figure out, okay, you did something fucked up.

[584] Like, eventually you got to pay for that.

[585] So I'm not going to sleep the tongue on the road for you.

[586] If you're an officer and you did something fucked up, you got to pay for that.

[587] It's rather simple.

[588] So for the officers, first of all, don't do fucked up shit.

[589] But even for the ones who are just kind of standing idly by and maybe not hitting the person, but they're helping out by writing the exact same report, they are just as guilty.

[590] But at the same time, I could see the pressure for them to have their brother's backs.

[591] It's like this weird fraternity.

[592] It's kind of scary, right?

[593] Yeah.

[594] Well, that's the complexity no one really wants to address, which is this is the ultimate in -group.

[595] are guys who storm into unknown situations that quite often on the other side of the door is violence.

[596] And so they have a bond.

[597] I think it's really complex.

[598] It'd be easy if we could go, oh, no, these people are this way and this percentage is racist and the system is 72 % rate.

[599] Like, unfortunately, it's just so much more complicated than that.

[600] It's people who rely on each other to stay alive and go see their kids.

[601] So there is a bond there.

[602] That's a real bond.

[603] And that does not excuse it, but it does help explain it.

[604] You can definitely get some explanations out of it.

[605] It's not lost on anybody that it would happen.

[606] We go, yeah, I see why it happened, but let's talk about the dude who did this, though.

[607] Let's talk about this individual.

[608] But it's as old as boys in the hood.

[609] If you watch Boys in the Hood, they did a great job of showing there's a racist as fuck black cop because that in -group of being cops, it's sometimes more powerful than whatever in -group being blacked.

[610] Like I said, man, it's that brotherhood.

[611] It's that fraternity.

[612] Like no matter what, we stick together, which is why I didn't join a fraternity.

[613] I didn't either.

[614] And I have to admit, and I think there's a character defect, not a virtue, I'm generally predisposed to not like people that were in fraternities.

[615] No, your best friend was in a fraternity, not me, your other best friend.

[616] Nay.

[617] Well, he's the one who thawed my icy shell about fraternities.

[618] I was like, no, that's good old boy shit, that's money shit, that's legacy shit, that's in -group, fucking, it just was very triggering to me. And y 'all are going to do the exact same thing.

[619] No one's an individual.

[620] Also, you'll rape at a very high rate.

[621] You know, all these things.

[622] Well, for me. That's fair.

[623] That's a good reason to not.

[624] Hey, Bryce, you are most likely to rape.

[625] Declan, you are most likely to commit fraud.

[626] Not all fraternity brothers are rapists, but all rapists are fraternity brothers.

[627] I'm sorry, fraternities.

[628] Don't sue me, and I don't think that.

[629] But I do think the rate's a little high.

[630] Stay tuned.

[631] or armchair expert, if you dare.

[632] What's up, guys?

[633] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[634] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[635] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[636] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[637] And I don't mean just friends.

[638] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[639] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[640] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[641] We've all been there.

[642] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[643] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[644] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[645] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated.

[646] or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[647] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[648] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[649] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[650] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[651] Prime members can listen early and ad free on Amazon Music.

[652] Okay, so you do Second City.

[653] We have to talk about your wonderful career really quick.

[654] I've enjoyed the fuck out of us pontificating, but you start at Second City, and I guess I wonder how early did you know you wanted to get into comedy?

[655] I was probably nine or ten.

[656] I just remember being at church and mocking the preacher all the time.

[657] You know, every preacher would wear his shoes would match his suit, who would match the jewelry and his teeth.

[658] Like, it was crazy.

[659] I would mock him all the time.

[660] We had to do a church play once, and they had asked me to be a part of it.

[661] and I had fun doing it, like a lot of fun, where I was like, man, this is a thing?

[662] I mean, obviously you watch movies and you watch TV shows, so you know it exists, but you don't know the beginning of how that would start living in Chicago.

[663] You're just like, it's on TV, that's it.

[664] This will never happen for me. So I just remember having done that and having people at church constantly say, you should try out to be in movies and stuff.

[665] And whenever we were in Chicago, I'd hear about these casting calls.

[666] And fun story, I think I want to say, I was 16 maybe, 15 or 16 when the first barbershop came out.

[667] And so I waited in this line to be an extra.

[668] They were like signing people up to be an extra.

[669] And I remember the casting director, like, interviewed me. My mom was there.

[670] We were just having a conversation.

[671] It wasn't like reading any lines or anything.

[672] It was just like talking.

[673] And she was like laughing.

[674] And then she goes, I'll see you in the movie.

[675] And I went, oh, I'm going to be in the movie.

[676] I'm going to be an extra.

[677] in this movie.

[678] She did not put me in that movie.

[679] And that pissed me off so much.

[680] Years later, I'm on New Girl.

[681] I get a chance to audition for the third Barbershop.

[682] Barbershop the next cut.

[683] And I can't see it.

[684] But this is a cast photo.

[685] And I am in the damn movie.

[686] That's me right there.

[687] That's me. Okay, so I got a great follow -up question for you.

[688] go see, fuck you, or did you go, God damn, she was right.

[689] It just took two more.

[690] She's a genius.

[691] There's a lot of ways to go with that.

[692] That casting director is Dionne Warwick.

[693] She was very psychic.

[694] There's Miss Cleo.

[695] No, I didn't throw it in her face.

[696] I was very disappointed that I wasn't an extra in this movie because it's my first opportunity and she looked me and my soul and lied to me. Well, welcome to this business, huh?

[697] I know.

[698] I was like, oh, so this is how it is.

[699] Until you're there, until that check, clears you're not in the movie it makes me think of a story that none of the three of us are involved in but i want to tell you because it's just so funny it's when favro was working at second city john favro and he was same thing he was trying to get like extra work in a movie and he got some extra work in the movie hawfa and all he had to do is he had to like drive a some box van through the background right while this scene's going on and he's a smart guy and it occurs to him it was a nice scene no one's going to be able to see me in here because they haven't lit me so he turns the interior he gets like the visor down with the light on right and he actually sneaks through a couple of takes before someone realizes like why is the fucking extra completely lit in that van and he's got to throw out all those takes oh my God why is he delivering a monologue why is that guy directing Iron Man in the back Yeah, so that I was in high school and I used to get kicked out of class a lot from being silly and telling jokes and I remember going to detention.

[700] And the woman in detention, for some reason, I can't even remember her name, but she was very instrumental in my career because she gave me a pamphlet for Second City.

[701] No shit.

[702] And she just said, you need a way to like channel all of this energy.

[703] I think you should take a look at that.

[704] Had the pamphlet, never looked at it.

[705] I then go to theater school.

[706] And while I was in theater school, a friend would go and do these little comedy bits out in like the way deep out in the burbs.

[707] She's like, I have this comedy group that we kind of play around and try to do shows here and there.

[708] And I was like, comedy group.

[709] What is that?

[710] And she's like, if you're in the Second City, it's like that.

[711] And I said, I have heard of Second City.

[712] Oh, is that what this was about?

[713] And so I go there and I meet a bunch of cool people.

[714] And then next thing I know, Second City was trying to get black audience members because the crowds are all white.

[715] They're like black and brown folks who wanted to perform, but there's no one who could appreciate their material as much.

[716] So what they did was they started, we had different tour companies, Redco, Green Co, all those things.

[717] But then they started Brown Co. Whereas for like black and brown performers, I was performing with like Danny Pouty.

[718] And I think King and Michael Key started Brown Co. Oh, out of Detroit, yeah.

[719] So then when he started that, this woman named Deanna Griffin, then came to watch one of my plays because I was just doing theater.

[720] And so she came to watch one of the plays and then invited me to Second City to try out.

[721] And then that was in the rest of this kind of history.

[722] Wow.

[723] I had great classmates about Thomas Middletch was one of my classmates.

[724] Stephen Yoon was one of my, like, it was like a really cool experience for me being there.

[725] And it wasn't necessarily about the teachings.

[726] which were all great.

[727] It was more so about the people that you stay friends with and you build with those folks and you watch how they work.

[728] And then before you know it, having Second City on your resume in Chicago was great because the writer of that commercial went to Second City.

[729] And before you know it, they put you in their commercial.

[730] And that's kind of how you're...

[731] It's a fraternity.

[732] It's a fraternity.

[733] It really is.

[734] I joined one too, the growling.

[735] So I don't know why I'm so negative on these fraternities.

[736] But they don't have a high rate of rape in these fraternity.

[737] we know of.

[738] That we know of.

[739] There's yet to be a frontline explosion.

[740] Okay.

[741] You know what's funny is when you're telling the story of the creation of brown coat, I'm nervous.

[742] I'm like, I don't know.

[743] It was this a white guy's idea that one to catch.

[744] And I'm like, and then when you say King Bill, I'm like, oh, yes.

[745] Oh, yeah.

[746] Oh, yeah.

[747] We had a lot of fun, man. It turned into my life.

[748] I was there all the time.

[749] Even if I wasn't performing, I was watching a show.

[750] You know, you had like three different floors of stages.

[751] So you'd go watch.

[752] T .J. Miller in a show over here and then you'd go and watch the main stage over here.

[753] Oh, it's the most exciting club to join.

[754] Oh, 100%.

[755] Monica had it at UCB.

[756] It's such a wonderful experience.

[757] Yeah, we represent three different comedy fraternities here on this.

[758] Yeah.

[759] It's a special experience.

[760] I'm 100%.

[761] I tried to dabble at both Groundlings and UCB.

[762] When I was in New York, I took writing classes at UCB.

[763] I would do some shows.

[764] I would perform in, like, guest spots and, like, Ascat and stuff like that.

[765] And then Groundlings, I tried out for Groundlings when I first was put in, like, level two.

[766] Oh, fast -tracked.

[767] But I was broke, so I couldn't afford it.

[768] Yeah.

[769] I was like, y 'all ain't got no layaway plan.

[770] Well, and, you know, the big difference between Groundlings and Second City is so Second City, when you're on the stage there, you actually get paid.

[771] You get, like, an equity thing.

[772] And Groundlings, you're still paying.

[773] You're paying to run the theater.

[774] the way they get is to all buy into that.

[775] Again, I drank the Kool -Aid, I believe, is like, well, I own my characters.

[776] So when you write for Second City, then they own the material.

[777] So it's like, I don't know.

[778] Oh, yeah.

[779] I don't know.

[780] Do I want the 300 bucks or do I want my shit?

[781] I've stolen my material back from Second City.

[782] Oh, good.

[783] They're not very litigious.

[784] Yeah, they're not going to hound you for it.

[785] I just remember when I was in Idiocracy, I'm just doing this character, Frito, no, that's the character's name.

[786] I can't even remember the Groundlein's character's name.

[787] But I just remember thinking like, that's right.

[788] I can take this thing right over to my judge.

[789] thing and no one can say shit.

[790] Whereas if you're on Saturday Night Live, you can't just do a character you created there in someone's movie.

[791] You know what I find to be very, like, sad?

[792] Maybe I'm wrong.

[793] Is McGrouper the last, like, S &L character that turned into a movie?

[794] Because I just remember, like, watching S &L and going, oh, that character is going to be a movie, and then it would.

[795] And you look forward to those movies.

[796] And then now.

[797] So New Girl is obviously your kind of big breakthrough.

[798] You're on a show for eight years.

[799] You touched on something that was really fascinating.

[800] And the conflicting nature of playing a police officer on TV and just monthly something else is coming out and how that's a complicated situation to be in if you're black.

[801] And then I love the outcome of it as you approach Liz and said like, hey, I'd like to write on this.

[802] I'd like to address this.

[803] And I guess I commend her for being supportive of that.

[804] New Girl, fucking awesome show.

[805] And I have to imagine that's kind of a life altering job.

[806] 100%.

[807] It was one of the weirdest jobs in the beginning, but it turned out to be the biggest part of my career.

[808] It was like being thrown into the fire, even though I was ready for it.

[809] I was unprepared for how it started.

[810] So that whole process was me auditioning 15 times for that show.

[811] Wow.

[812] And I just remember Jake calling me once when I had a, the role was coach originally for Damon Jr.'s part.

[813] and they offered me that part but it wasn't until I had accepted another job so leading up to that we kept saying hey make them on an offer make him on an offer and they kept going well nobody knows who the fuck he is like he's not some celebrity or some shit like why would we give him an offer for a job but CBS was like oh we'll do it so they gave me an opportunity for a pilot with T .J. Miller and Heather Locklear and Sarah Wright David Henry Jason Jones it was it was a great show funny show but It just didn't get picked up.

[814] So Damon ended up doing the pilot.

[815] Damon then leaves for his second season of his show.

[816] And then I come back in.

[817] They made me audition 11 more times.

[818] Oh, my goodness.

[819] Well, what you're not prepared for, it's like, I think, you know, life is weird in that you have these dreams.

[820] You get the dream.

[821] You're very excited.

[822] You're very grateful.

[823] And then that dissipates because novelty dissipates.

[824] All these things dissipate.

[825] And then you get into the making the sausage, which is eight years on a sitcom, doing 22 or four episodes a year and it kind of shifts to like homework like oh okay oh great we got picked up i can buy stuff and i can pay for stuff and then you're like oh we got to get 24 of these like it's this kind of a mental olympics at times i never got used to it i'm not our early riser i'm not one of those people that's like oh i love getting up at 630 in the morning and getting after it well why is your nickname lemore up and adam moore The morning after pill is my nickname.

[826] Morning after.

[827] Grateful for the opportunity, but I hate waking up and it's still dark out.

[828] Yes, me too.

[829] I'm a breath.

[830] I recently read and it should make us feel good.

[831] Where the fuck did I read it?

[832] It's data.

[833] Oh, why we sleep is a great book.

[834] In there it said, you know, people are genetically morning people or evening people.

[835] And the percentage of people that are not morning people is high.

[836] It's like 40%.

[837] And it just talks about how the entire world has been engineered to serve up the early risers.

[838] And it's just really not geared for us.

[839] And yeah, I've never been my best at five in the morning.

[840] I'm like, I'm depressed.

[841] Most creative at night, that's probably one of the reasons why I have issues sleeping at night.

[842] It's like, now it's time to lay down and go to sleep.

[843] And I go, no, there's so many things I need to watch.

[844] I'm like the day just got good and I'm going to shut it down.

[845] I like suffered through the first eight hours and now I'm like into it.

[846] Also should be noted, it's waking up at five, but it's not wrapping to like eight, seven.

[847] It's not like you start at five and then you're done at three.

[848] Right.

[849] Oh, yeah.

[850] These are long days.

[851] You know, for people who don't know shooting, it's long.

[852] Like a 10 hour day, you're like, yes.

[853] Oh, yeah.

[854] Sometimes you drive home from a 10 hour day and you're like, what was that six?

[855] And then you do the math and you're like, oh, no, that was 10.

[856] still.

[857] We hear these stories because we shared a lot with modern family.

[858] So you hear these stories all the time.

[859] Like you would see the cast driving at lunch.

[860] They're driving off of the lot.

[861] They had an insane schedule.

[862] Yeah.

[863] My friend worked on that show.

[864] Yeah.

[865] It becomes lore when you're in this business.

[866] Like we would have directors on parenthood that would come sometimes from modern family.

[867] Like, oh, we wrapped at lunch four of the six days.

[868] And you're like, what?

[869] It makes me so mad that we never got to that.

[870] At some point, we started averaging around like 10 to 12 hours.

[871] And it'd be Like, oh, this is amazing.

[872] So I already brought it up, but I do want to just say that woke is fucking awesome.

[873] And I'm really, really excited to watch the rest of it.

[874] I don't check out much comedies.

[875] I'm sure you're the same way.

[876] It's like, you make them.

[877] You're kind of not that interested in them.

[878] But this one is like, it's got a little of the Aziz flare in that.

[879] It's like shot like a movie.

[880] It looks beautiful.

[881] It's stylist.

[882] Oh, who's your fucking costumer?

[883] Like, who put you in a Dead Kennedy's T -shirt to start that episode?

[884] Well, that one is based off of the real guy who I play, Keith Knight.

[885] And so that was his favorite band.

[886] Okay.

[887] Interesting.

[888] So he had, I want to say he has that shirt.

[889] So he had his hand all over in my wardrobe for sure.

[890] You look so cool in it.

[891] Every scene I'm like, God, I want that, whoever that costumers are I want.

[892] Everything from the wardrobe to the music that I'm listening to that you can't even hear it.

[893] Like, he would help me get into this headspace.

[894] When he's creating art, when he's drawing, when he's taking a walk, he's like, oh, this is what I listen to.

[895] I sometimes, in this moment here, I'd be listening to Bill Withers.

[896] Lovely day.

[897] Oh, sure.

[898] When I wake up in the morning, love.

[899] So in the pilot, he goes, okay, you're walking around, you're passing out flyers.

[900] They gave me a phone with headphones.

[901] And it was an active phone.

[902] It had Spotify on it.

[903] So I started playing something.

[904] And I started playing Bill Withers, Lovely Day.

[905] And he goes, Lamourne, Lamorne, Lamarne, really quick.

[906] Maybe you should listen.

[907] You know, lovely day about Bill Withers.

[908] I think that's the song we're going to play in this moment.

[909] And that's something that I'd be listening to in a time like this.

[910] And I was like, dude, look, I'm already listening to it.

[911] It's like, we became so in sync him and I that it was easy.

[912] Like his music choices were a lot of my, we had certain similarities in music.

[913] Like, if you look at my playlist right now, you would find everything from Death Cab for Cutie to Lil Wayne.

[914] It kind of bounces all over the place.

[915] I got Harry's style.

[916] Well, I see some connective tissue with Death Cap.

[917] So obviously your co -star was married him.

[918] You know what's so funny is that I didn't even know that until our cast photo shoot.

[919] Oh, really?

[920] She was playing it in the big gallery shoot.

[921] You know, it was my first time really hanging out with everybody because I'd just been cast like two days prior.

[922] And so we're all saying next to each other and one of the songs comes on.

[923] I'm just kind of like singing the words to it.

[924] And she goes, oh, that's pretty cool.

[925] You know my husband's music.

[926] And I laughed like, oh, it's funny.

[927] Like, Beyonce's my wife.

[928] She was like, no, it's my husband.

[929] And then he showed up to the photo shoot.

[930] I was like a little girl.

[931] I was like, oh, my God.

[932] How about Monis Mouse?

[933] Is that in there?

[934] Monis Mouse is in there.

[935] Man, it's all over the place.

[936] I like that.

[937] Me too.

[938] My go -to for a long time people used to make fun of me for, I don't know why.

[939] It's Coldplay.

[940] I was like, why I was so mad at Coldplay?

[941] Oh, I love Coldplay.

[942] Why are so mad at Coldplay?

[943] I'll tell you why they are.

[944] You know why they are?

[945] Because people are fanatical about Radiohead, and they think Cole plays ripping off Radiohead.

[946] I think that's what I've discovered.

[947] I think that's their issue.

[948] I think they just got too popular and people don't want it like what's on the radio.

[949] That's true, too.

[950] That's probably it.

[951] Me and these sweatsuits.

[952] Monica's been wearing these cool sweatsuits for a long time.

[953] And then everyone was wearing them in our pod.

[954] And I was like, I can't jump on that now.

[955] Everyone's got them.

[956] And then nine months later, I get a surgery.

[957] I'm like, I need something comfortable.

[958] And I put them on.

[959] And I was like, oh, this is my thing, a year late.

[960] Oh, man, you've got to have a shirt.

[961] I'm always in a hoodie.

[962] Every day, a hoodie and sweatpants.

[963] Every day.

[964] Yep, that's right.

[965] It's the move.

[966] Okay, so let's talk about your podcast because I actually have a ton of interest in this because I have noodled with this idea of doing scripted podcast.

[967] Unwanted is the name of your scripted podcast.

[968] And I guess what got in my way is laziness.

[969] I was like, that's kind of a lot of work.

[970] Like, you got to write a script.

[971] So should I make it for TV?

[972] Maybe there's more money in it.

[973] But then you're like, oh, but I could, quote, shoot all this.

[974] Whatever I write, I can record.

[975] Now, that's a big carrot to do it.

[976] But, like, from your idea of doing it to actually doing it, what did you learn?

[977] So in the beginning, it started with a company called Q code.

[978] They had reached out.

[979] They were doing one with Cynthia Arrivo called The Carrier.

[980] And they asked me to play her husband, I want to say, in that.

[981] And so I went to the stage and we recorded.

[982] And I just remember how cool the setup was, because I'd done animation.

[983] before.

[984] I'd done voiceovers before in ADR and stuff like that.

[985] But this one was very unique.

[986] It had these weird types of very immersive microphones that really, really aided the sound quality and really would put you in that space.

[987] Like ASMR kind of shit.

[988] Like when you're listening to it, it's truly, it truly is like surround where if someone drops something over here, like if you listen to it just on the phone, it sounds okay.

[989] But when you put headphones in, you're like, Oh, someone's behind me. Someone's in front of me a mile away, and it feels that way.

[990] And so I was like, that's pretty cool.

[991] And then they reached out and said, hey, do you have any other ideas?

[992] So me and my writing partner, Kyle Chevron, we went through our list of things that we hadn't made.

[993] And this was a movie script originally.

[994] Oh, that's smart.

[995] So we pitched them a couple things.

[996] They really liked this one and another one.

[997] And we kept another one and said we know we just want to make this into a movie.

[998] This one, we could definitely break up into eight parts.

[999] Oh, fun.

[1000] And so that's what we did.

[1001] That's what we did.

[1002] And the experience, again, I got into it thinking I could have this space, these weird headphones and microphones.

[1003] But the pandemic happened.

[1004] And so we recorded everything here in my house with the actors all over Zoom.

[1005] The co -lead and unwanted is Billy Magnuson.

[1006] And Billy, we had done a movie together before.

[1007] He's one of my best friends.

[1008] We lived together.

[1009] So Billy just came by the house.

[1010] And they sent all the microphone equipment, all the stuff.

[1011] stuff, put it in my house.

[1012] I have like this kind of theater room that's very added room.

[1013] You know, the sound qualities.

[1014] Like Monica's basement covered.

[1015] Yeah, the storage closet.

[1016] Yeah, yeah.

[1017] Mine's a bit of Lego.

[1018] But it was great, man. It was great.

[1019] You learned so much about simplicity and how not to complicate things too much.

[1020] I'll add one of the most interesting hurdles you have is the general rule in screenwriting is never say something you could show.

[1021] Like, That's a very old, tried and true thing.

[1022] Like, don't tell me what happened.

[1023] Show me what happened.

[1024] Or show me the emotion or show me the action.

[1025] But this gets flipped on its head a bit.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] But Q code and their sound team, their sound design team is so good that sometimes you don't have to.

[1028] Sometimes you can really hear it.

[1029] You can hear water splash.

[1030] You can hear breathing.

[1031] You could hear birds chirping.

[1032] You can hear a window close and the sound change in the room.

[1033] It's that specific and that detail.

[1034] And that was a cool thing to see.

[1035] Because you'd be sitting on Zoom with some of the sound folks and while you're recording, you're the one fixing the levels, you're the one doing all the stuff.

[1036] And I go, it doesn't really matter.

[1037] And they go, well, there's a reason why we are who we are because you're very specific about the sound quality.

[1038] We got lucky on this one.

[1039] This is what the note is about.

[1040] Oh, hit me with a note.

[1041] Yay, I'm so excited.

[1042] Great tension, Bill.

[1043] So the head of their music department, This guy, Daron Johnson, said Duran like it's fancy, Daron.

[1044] I was just, I was having a flashback of the Kemp.

[1045] He was like, is his name Darren or Duran?

[1046] So he was talking with my writing partner, Kyle, who directed all of these episodes.

[1047] And he kept saying, got something.

[1048] I don't want to say what I have just yet until it happens.

[1049] Then he drops this on us, like, last minute.

[1050] You know, Rick Astley?

[1051] Oh, yeah.

[1052] I'm never going to give you up.

[1053] Never going to learn to you.

[1054] Never going to tell you down.

[1055] Never going to run around and hurt you.

[1056] Exactly.

[1057] So Rick Astley did our theme song.

[1058] Get the fuck out of here.

[1059] It's called it.

[1060] And I tell you, the song is so dope.

[1061] That's so cool.

[1062] I was like, what?

[1063] And I didn't know if I could talk about that.

[1064] Can I mention that?

[1065] And then it just comes in and gives me a note.

[1066] Well, I listen to the trailer.

[1067] There's no episodes out yet.

[1068] But I listen to the trailer.

[1069] And yeah, it's like incredibly well produced.

[1070] Like there's so much going.

[1071] on i immediately had anxiety of like where would we even find a team of like sound designers to make something sound like that it's just really well done we are now airing oh you are this first week we dropped two and then last week one and today i think today the fourth episode yeah the only thing is comes up is the trailer for me you know more episodes i'm wrong as always if you hit more episodes boy you do get to a page that has four of them.

[1072] You're in the biz.

[1073] Yeah.

[1074] I'm in the podcast business, which is embarrassing.

[1075] We're number one in fiction for a while.

[1076] I don't know if we still are.

[1077] I'm happy about this.

[1078] Really quick, just because I didn't do any job whatsoever of just explaining what is the premise of unwanted?

[1079] Two degenerates try to capture the most dangerous woman on planet Earth after she escapes a maximum security prison.

[1080] And she's trying to recover some stolen merchandise that's rightfully hers.

[1081] And these two guys are like, oh, how hard can it be?

[1082] She's a girl.

[1083] And then.

[1084] Right.

[1085] And so there's like a million dollar reward.

[1086] I mean, this could change all of our lives.

[1087] Like we both have issues, problems, things that we need the money for.

[1088] We capture her and then we're good.

[1089] She happens to be in our tiny little town of Livingston, New Jersey.

[1090] So it'll be really easy.

[1091] And they are in over their heads and they realize she is a true psychopath.

[1092] Oh.

[1093] Played by Jamie Lee O'Donnell.

[1094] She's an Irish actress.

[1095] That was a bad accent.

[1096] Well, you haven't heard mine.

[1097] By comparison, it was probably pretty good.

[1098] I probably won an Oscar for mine then.

[1099] In my head, I first have to say Lucky Charms and then I go into whatever else I'm saying.

[1100] So, Nassizim Bedrod, she does this Australian accent, but the only way she can start it is by saying Jennifer Lopez.

[1101] She has to say, Jennifer Lopez.

[1102] Jennifer Lopez.

[1103] And then that's how she gets into her Australian accent.

[1104] Nassim was on S &L for a while, And she played my wife on New Girl for a while.

[1105] We did a movie called Desperados for Netflix last year.

[1106] And then now she has a new show coming out on TBS called Chad.

[1107] Chad.

[1108] Oh, my God.

[1109] If you watch the trailer for Chad, I'd be shocked if she, and I hope I don't jinx anything.

[1110] I hope I'm not that dude.

[1111] But, like, I just see her cleaning up an award season.

[1112] Wow.

[1113] She plays a 14 -year -old boy in high school trying to get, like, laid.

[1114] And it is so fun.

[1115] It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[1116] Oh, that's great.

[1117] She let me check out some clips and stuff.

[1118] And I was like, yo, this is hilarious.

[1119] Like, it's really funny.

[1120] Boy, that just brings up a totally interesting thing, which is there's these genres that work so well, and then you realize, well, they can't be done today.

[1121] It's kind of like, well, how could you do it?

[1122] Because something innately and will never not be funny is 14 -year -old boy's preoccupation with getting late.

[1123] It's so important to them.

[1124] It's just rife with comedy.

[1125] And yet there's obviously all these misogynist undertones to a bit.

[1126] But, yeah, if you can figure out a way to skin that cat where it's not me wanting to be invisible and hang out in showers, I think you got some.

[1127] Let's unpack this for a second.

[1128] Do you really want to be invisible and hang out in showers with strong guys?

[1129] I'm so interested in the nude male body.

[1130] I really am.

[1131] Endlessly fascinated.

[1132] Have you ever had to be nude on camera?

[1133] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like full frontal?

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] Well, I did full frontal in the first movie I ever made.

[1136] And then I started dating Kristen shortly after, well, while I was editing it and she kind of saw it, she's like, that's not, that's not going to happen.

[1137] You're going to take that stuff out.

[1138] And I was like, that's good.

[1139] I guess I will.

[1140] That's right.

[1141] I will tell you the funniest thing really quick is that I'm not afraid to be fully nude, but I have a great, great insecurity about my butthole.

[1142] I don't want anyone to ever see my butthole.

[1143] I'm so nervous about it.

[1144] Let's just start here.

[1145] nobody wants to see your butthole man like that's not that's not a part of the body people are like man I've been trying to like see that rectum well I disagree I am dying to see other people's but holes I just don't want anyone to see my butthole and so I was in this movie this is where I leave you and I found out I had a love making scene and I was like okay I got to get prepped for that I got to watch what I eat for a few weeks I think I even got a spray tan for it and then I arrive and I'm ready to do this and then I find out I'm on top and or just naked on a bed there's no sheets or anything i'm not panicked yet but then i see they put the camera at the foot of the bed on the fucking floor looking up and now i start thinking that's going to be my asshole that's what that shot's going to be so i even say the director boy i think you're going to get some butthole and i know that the contract i signed you can't show my butthole so you know whatever no no we're not going to see it from there we're not going to see it from there do a take of the scene it's a long scene and then cut director comes in he grabs a sheet he's giving us other notes and then he just tucks a sheet into my buttcrack.

[1146] And I realized at that moment, 1 ,000 % everyone at video village was just staring at my asshole for, I don't know, four minutes, five minutes.

[1147] I don't have emirons, but I'm surprised I don't.

[1148] I've had an anal fissure before.

[1149] Oh, no, they saw the scarring.

[1150] It's like when you look at like stone and you can see all the years Like the different situations, like we can see the mileage of your butthole.

[1151] All the years of hemorrhoids and fissures.

[1152] Yeah, just overuse.

[1153] You know, I remember calling my best friend Aaron Weekly, like, I don't know, five years ago.

[1154] And I asked my friend Nate, who she referenced who was in a fraternity.

[1155] I called them up randomly.

[1156] I'm like, is your asshole completely deteriorated?

[1157] It's two years.

[1158] Like, I feel like my asshole is totally fine.

[1159] And now I don't know what's going to happen when I get that.

[1160] Anyways.

[1161] Wow.

[1162] We've covered such a wide range of topic.

[1163] I'm eight years older than you.

[1164] And, you know, I'm just giving you a glimpse of your future.

[1165] Things are not going to get better.

[1166] I do a daily check.

[1167] I do a little check.

[1168] I put legs up, get a mirror.

[1169] And I take photos.

[1170] I send them out to all my friends.

[1171] You're really on top.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] Well, man, it was great getting to talk to you and meet you.

[1174] And I love all your stuff.

[1175] And I hope people listen to Unwanted.

[1176] I imagine it's available everywhere, podcasts are available.

[1177] Absolutely.

[1178] It's all over the place.

[1179] Download it or else.

[1180] Okay.

[1181] We'll be good, man. Great meeting you.

[1182] Thank you all.

[1183] Y 'all.

[1184] You'll take it easy.

[1185] Okay.

[1186] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1187] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1188] Oh, my goodness.

[1189] We just had a delicious lunch.

[1190] Tell everyone about it.

[1191] Okay.

[1192] Well, this is great because we were just railing.

[1193] on this in the fact check about our braddiness and how I get really upset when the kabuli salad's not offered at Squirrel.

[1194] Yep.

[1195] And it was offered today.

[1196] Yeah.

[1197] So we had kabuli salad.

[1198] Add chicken.

[1199] Added chicken.

[1200] That's right.

[1201] We needed protein.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] And then my new obsession, well, everyone in the pod's new obsession, cottage cheese.

[1204] That's right.

[1205] Everyone in our pod, not the podcast world.

[1206] Very confusing, I suppose.

[1207] pod pod but there's this kind of cheese we've been eating and it's 4 % fat that's a big difference for me that makes a big diffi what is it normally two or non -fat oh two percent like two percent milk exactly oh my god but this is four do they make 4 % milk no okay they make whole milk 2 % 1 % and non -fat so how are they made is it a lie what they're telling well remember i this whole thing where everyone was eating this yogurt, this fig yogurt from the farmer's market that everyone was obsessed with.

[1208] It was good.

[1209] Oh, it's delicious.

[1210] And it claimed to be like 140 calories or something.

[1211] And I got in multiple fights over this.

[1212] I was like, I don't know what to tell you guys.

[1213] That is not 140 calories.

[1214] And they're like, well, look at the label.

[1215] And I'm like, okay, but I've eaten now for 42 years.

[1216] I know what's something that's 100 calories tastes like.

[1217] This went on forever.

[1218] Then there was a damn story in the L .A. that they had lied on their.

[1219] Really?

[1220] Yes, on their nutritional label.

[1221] And it turns out they were like 300 and something calories.

[1222] So anyways, I'm not all the way there with this one, but this one is the label suspiciously promising.

[1223] Really?

[1224] Yeah, because it has.

[1225] Let me tell you what it has.

[1226] Okay, four servings and protein, 14 grams, so 40, 16, 56 grams of protein in this thing.

[1227] And only 440 calories.

[1228] I believe that.

[1229] It's so tasty.

[1230] and if we're getting 56 grams of protein and only 440 calories and it tastes that good, that's just, that's really suspicious.

[1231] Oh, boy.

[1232] Well, I don't want to start one of your crusades.

[1233] I'm not going to, yeah, like I said, I'm not like definitive like I was about the yogurt, but I'm just saying this feels a little too good to be true.

[1234] Okay.

[1235] I know when things are too good to be true.

[1236] Your whole life is too good to be true.

[1237] Actually, I've been thinking about this lately.

[1238] Oh.

[1239] You know when people say, like, pinch yourself.

[1240] and I'm going to wake up from this or, you know, it's very cliche, cliche words about happy moments and a happy life.

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] But recently, I've been having, like, some real, real, real thoughts about what if I'm sick in a hospital?

[1243] Okay.

[1244] And this is all daydream.

[1245] And this is for real a dream.

[1246] Like, that is seeming plausible.

[1247] I don't think you're in a hospital.

[1248] I don't know.

[1249] It sounds silly for me to say that.

[1250] It sounds like, oh, yeah, I'm just saying the same thing that everyone says.

[1251] Yeah.

[1252] But I really started to think, oh, there's a good chance I'm not that this is all made up in my head.

[1253] And I'm having a psychological breakdown or something and I'm in a hospital.

[1254] And that really could be.

[1255] I mean, I think the people that have that extreme of delusions and hallucinations come in and out of them.

[1256] Like, you'd have some memories of being in a hospital bed.

[1257] Really?

[1258] Like, hazy coming out of it and then rejoining this fantasy.

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] It's not just that, like, you could be sitting in a hospital bed.

[1261] Are you sure?

[1262] And for four years or whatever.

[1263] But maybe it's not.

[1264] Maybe it's 10 minutes.

[1265] Oh.

[1266] Well, that's a great way to stretch out time then.

[1267] If this has only been 10 minutes, your life's going to feel so long.

[1268] That means you're going to have five more of these within an hour.

[1269] This kind of gets to the David, fairier point, which is like, if it's a simulation, who cares?

[1270] If you don't know what it is.

[1271] Like, who cares if I'm in a dream?

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] But unless I do wake up, that sucks.

[1274] Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[1275] Maybe we're all living in my seizure.

[1276] Oh, okay.

[1277] A seizure dream?

[1278] Like a fever dream?

[1279] Correct.

[1280] Do you know what the expression, don't look a gift horse in the mouth means?

[1281] I think you've told us before, but tell us, because I forget.

[1282] Okay, apparently in the old days when you would buy a horse, one of the main things you would inspect.

[1283] is its teeth to see if it was healthy.

[1284] So you'd, like, pick up its flappy lips and take a gander at its gums and shit.

[1285] So it's like if someone gives you a horse, don't examine the fucking teeth to see if it's healthy.

[1286] Just take the gift horse and keep it moving.

[1287] I love that.

[1288] We're going to Hawaii.

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] Should I tell people that?

[1291] You don't want to?

[1292] We'll be back.

[1293] Well, let's tell people when we get back that we went to Hawaii.

[1294] Okay.

[1295] Why?

[1296] Because, what days this come out?

[1297] Yeah, this comes out when we're back.

[1298] Okay, great.

[1299] You can leave this whole thing in.

[1300] I would have said no, so no one tries to murder Kristen.

[1301] I thought about that as well.

[1302] So if you were planning on murdering, Kristen, you're going to have to go through me. At this point, we are home.

[1303] Yeah.

[1304] But we're recording this before we left.

[1305] So that we can have a vacation.

[1306] Yes.

[1307] Unfortunately, Kristen can't join us because she's working.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] But the pod is going to Hawaii and we're having some stress.

[1310] I mean, we're talking about our different stresses.

[1311] Uh -huh.

[1312] How we respond to different things.

[1313] Yeah, because, which I'm really happy about, but Hawaii has a lot of hurdles to jump before you can enter.

[1314] You have to have a COVID test within 72 hours.

[1315] There's only specific locations you can go to for these tests.

[1316] That they will honor and recognize.

[1317] And a few people have traveled all the way to Hawaii, got there.

[1318] This test isn't approved.

[1319] You have to go back.

[1320] Or you have to stay here for tests.

[1321] 10 days in quarantine.

[1322] So those are two terrible options.

[1323] Oh, right.

[1324] I don't understand why they wouldn't you just, why wouldn't they give you a test then have you quarantine?

[1325] Yeah, I don't know what the difference between if they feel safe with you not having had it within 72 hours of flying.

[1326] Yeah.

[1327] I don't know why they wouldn't feel safe with you not having had it 72 hours after a landing.

[1328] Like you could, minimally, you should just have to quarantine for three days.

[1329] And then they give you a test.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] Anywho.

[1332] So everyone in the pod has received their results.

[1333] Their negative COVID test, mm -hmm.

[1334] Oh, wow.

[1335] Except me and you.

[1336] Too good to be true.

[1337] I'm nervous.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] And you're not.

[1340] Yeah.

[1341] And we discussed, it's not that I don't get nervous over things.

[1342] I get nervous over a ton of things and I have anxiety and I ruminate in my bed at night.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] But yeah, I was telling you, I actually, I get zero stress over things I cannot in any way steer the outcome up.

[1345] So it's like, you and I took that test yesterday.

[1346] yeah it's either going to show up or it's not and there's nothing i can do to make that happen or not happen yeah so it it's just i'll find out and so i don't i cannot think about it yeah and i think well there's nothing that's totally out of my control like i can try to like i was saying like last minute get a test at the airport but then i have to schedule that for an hour before our flight But at what point do I jump ship and decide that's what I have to do?

[1347] So that's in my head.

[1348] That's swirl.

[1349] Well, true.

[1350] But let's set what time that is.

[1351] So let's pick a time where you say, okay, it's time to book that.

[1352] To do that.

[1353] That's going to be like at 11 o 'clock at.

[1354] Oh, really?

[1355] Well, don't you think?

[1356] But what if I can't get a test booked at 11?

[1357] Like, I feel like perhaps I should book a test earlier.

[1358] Preemptively.

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] See, I have a similar, like, Like, people get nervous when an airplane starts experiencing turbulence or something or there's bad weather.

[1361] That's another thing.

[1362] I don't get nervous at all because I'm like, what am I going to do?

[1363] Go up there and fly the plane better than the pilot?

[1364] Well, you've said that.

[1365] Well, if they're dead, I'll fly it better than the passengers.

[1366] But I certainly won't fly it better than the pilot.

[1367] Well, I'm really glad you said that.

[1368] Oh, I don't think at all.

[1369] I'm as good as the pockets.

[1370] Okay.

[1371] I'm glad you've spoken that out loud.

[1372] No, no, no. My claim is always, if you're picking from the bozos and back, I'm a good pick.

[1373] But you've said that you can do a root canal.

[1374] Well, I've said as long as there is a YouTube video.

[1375] I can do anything that a YouTube video exists.

[1376] Okay, so can you also transfer that just for the respect of like oral surgeons that you can't do it as well as them off of one YouTube video?

[1377] Just like you can't fly the plane as well as the pilot.

[1378] Yeah, see, this is where we've gotten into many of these debates.

[1379] Oh, boy.

[1380] I think you guys hold medicine and help.

[1381] health care in this kind of fairy tale way.

[1382] Drilling out a tooth is a drill with a drill bit.

[1383] It is a very mechanical operation.

[1384] It is nothing to do with how much they know about cell division.

[1385] In macrobiology.

[1386] Cell division, though.

[1387] Microbiology.

[1388] Drilling in your mouth is different than drilling a car.

[1389] It really, that's my point.

[1390] It's not.

[1391] If you're taking a Dremel to drill out a little piece of wood in a very specific spot, You've put a dot on it, and you're going to go down a quarter inch and you watch the bit.

[1392] Drilling's drilling.

[1393] The repercussions are much worse if you make a mistake.

[1394] So you have to practice that many times in its environment to know that maybe the saliva has, it's not the same.

[1395] If you have no practice, I guarantee it's not going to feel the exact same way as what you're used to drilling.

[1396] But what I'm saying is where the rubber meets the road with procedures, i .e. surgeries or dental work, it is a mechanical endeavor at that point.

[1397] It has nothing to do with your knowledge of microbiology.

[1398] That's not what you're doing.

[1399] You have like a physical problem.

[1400] But it does have to do with your knowledge of anatomy a lot.

[1401] No, like if you circle the tooth I got to pull out, I don't need to know the names of the 26 teeth.

[1402] I don't need to know bicuspid.

[1403] No, but you need to know where the nerves are.

[1404] You don't have to own the names, but you need to know exactly what's around and what's happening.

[1405] When they rip a tooth out, Monica, they take pliers and they fucking pull the tooth out.

[1406] There's really nothing more magical going on than that.

[1407] It's very dismissive.

[1408] Now, if there is some crazy complication, yeah, I don't know how to address like a broken blood vessel in there, but pulling something out with pliers, I can do.

[1409] I just need to watch a YouTube video where they're gripping it.

[1410] And, yeah.

[1411] Okay.

[1412] I know you don't like it.

[1413] No. I think I could.

[1414] There's a few surgeries.

[1415] I think I could probably.

[1416] If I watched the video like 20 times, I feel like I could do.

[1417] Okay.

[1418] I watched a knee surgery once, and I'm like, I watched the whole thing, right?

[1419] It was on TV in Amsterdam.

[1420] I was on hash, hashish, and it was mesmerizing and wild the way they treat your body when you're out cold.

[1421] I mean, they treat it like lumber.

[1422] There's nothing fancy going on.

[1423] So they're sawing off the rotted condal at the end of your, the distal end of your femur.

[1424] And then they're putting this little gusset over it.

[1425] And it's just a piece of metal.

[1426] And they just take an impact gun and they just screw it into your bone.

[1427] And then they do it to the fibia or tibula, whatever one they do it to.

[1428] And then they stick it together.

[1429] I mean, that's really what happens.

[1430] Now, my sutures would be terrible when I had to sew the person back up.

[1431] But the saw on the bone and putting on the cap, I could do.

[1432] Okay.

[1433] I'm a little too stressed about the test to really fight this right now.

[1434] Okay, okay, fine, fine.

[1435] To enter this battle with you.

[1436] People would argue it's the height of my arrogance.

[1437] I don't know if it's the height, but it's up there.

[1438] I think rebuilding an engine is as complicated or more than many of the procedures that happen in the body.

[1439] You can only say that if you've done both.

[1440] Well, I've watched both.

[1441] No, done.

[1442] Unless you've done both, that person, I will trust to say, this is actually just as hard or harder.

[1443] I'm fine.

[1444] I'll take that, but it can't be from you who's never done it.

[1445] If you want to find me...

[1446] And then I've watched a knee surgery.

[1447] If you like to find me a person who's done both.

[1448] Okay, that's kind of a surgical extraction.

[1449] Well, I pulled a freckle out.

[1450] Yeah, you did some dermatology.

[1451] And I'm not calling myself a surgery.

[1452] You're a dermatology.

[1453] I had a freckle on my hand that I did not like.

[1454] Which is boggling.

[1455] It appeared out of nowhere.

[1456] I got a little nervous and it must be something wrong with it because it shouldn't be appearing out of nowhere in my 30s.

[1457] So I removed it.

[1458] I get new freckles all the time.

[1459] Yeah, I removed mine.

[1460] I don't know why.

[1461] I didn't like it.

[1462] Freckles are great.

[1463] They are great.

[1464] But not on you.

[1465] I'm not crazy about them on me because I don't have.

[1466] many at all.

[1467] So when one appears, it's like, whoa.

[1468] Uh -huh.

[1469] I notice it.

[1470] Were you afraid it would spread?

[1471] Yeah.

[1472] And I mean, there's always that chance.

[1473] I'd love to be overtaken by my freckles because I hate how white I am.

[1474] I like your freckles.

[1475] I like everyone's freckles.

[1476] I just don't like when one appears on my hand out of nowhere and I don't have any others to make a cool pattern or, you know.

[1477] A constellation.

[1478] So Lamorn.

[1479] Really was wild.

[1480] about him.

[1481] So fun.

[1482] I enjoyed that conversation so much.

[1483] What a cool guy.

[1484] Cool dude.

[1485] Very.

[1486] Who wrote Whistling Vivaldi?

[1487] Claude Steele.

[1488] I've talked about it so much.

[1489] Okay.

[1490] Is McGruber the last S &L character to be turned into a movie?

[1491] Oh.

[1492] Lamarne thought it was.

[1493] According to my research, it was.

[1494] Okay, great.

[1495] And that was in 2010.

[1496] Before that, ladies man?

[1497] Oh, right.

[1498] Tim Meadows.

[1499] Mm -hmm.

[1500] Superstar.

[1501] Okay.

[1502] I was with Molly Shannon.

[1503] What you call it should be in that era as well.

[1504] Austin Powers.

[1505] Was that not done it?

[1506] It's not on here.

[1507] Oh, that might not be.

[1508] He might not have intentionally not done that character there because I think he was upset that they owned Gar and.

[1509] Oh.

[1510] I think I don't want to put words in his mouth.

[1511] Mike Myers.

[1512] Superstar, a night at the Roxbury, Blues, Burr.

[1513] Brothers 2000, Stewart saves his family.

[1514] It's Pat.

[1515] Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, Wayne's World Blues Brothers.

[1516] And he misses those.

[1517] He sure does.

[1518] But that is true.

[1519] There have been so many sketches since then that would be funny.

[1520] Yeah.

[1521] The comedy genre evolved a lot from the 90s to 2000.

[1522] Once both old school and wedding crashers came on.

[1523] It was a real paradigm shift.

[1524] That's true.

[1525] Concept heavy thing.

[1526] were gone.

[1527] You're right.

[1528] It did shift.

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] Do you think it shifted since then?

[1531] I'm trying to think there's been another shift.

[1532] Well, I don't know.

[1533] I don't think one has been successful since.

[1534] But then, like, I feel like there's an era of, like, Apatow comedy.

[1535] Right, but I would argue those are within that.

[1536] Oh, you do?

[1537] Okay.

[1538] Yeah.

[1539] Okay.

[1540] Okay.

[1541] Who is the costume designer on Woke?

[1542] I have two pieces of media going at the same time my laptop and my phone.

[1543] Two devices?

[1544] Set costumer is Shantal Richard, but then there's others.

[1545] We need the costume designer.

[1546] I know.

[1547] It's not on here.

[1548] But he also said that the creator of the show had a heavy hand.

[1549] Really involved, yes.

[1550] I can't find it.

[1551] Okay, great.

[1552] Remains a mystery.

[1553] Some things are better as a mystery.

[1554] It should be easy to find that, Internet.

[1555] I don't like that it's not.

[1556] That's my grievance.

[1557] So that was Lamorne.

[1558] I hope we've made it to Hawaii and back by now.

[1559] Oh, wow.

[1560] Oh, this would be so exciting if this came up posthumously.

[1561] And they were like, oh, they were so naive.

[1562] They thought they returned from Hawaii.

[1563] Oh, my God.

[1564] It's like, it's a spooky ghost story.

[1565] We're speaking from the other side.

[1566] Oh, my God.

[1567] Oh, my God.

[1568] Ding, ding, ding.

[1569] We think we're having a fantasy.

[1570] Oh, my God.

[1571] And we are.

[1572] We're in heaven.

[1573] We made it.

[1574] Despite our rejection of the conventional religions, we made it to heaven.

[1575] Or I wake up from my seizure during this trip.

[1576] Okay.

[1577] And turns out none of this is real.

[1578] Well, if you're on the trip, it has to be real.

[1579] Why?

[1580] Because how are you going to be in Hawaii on a vacation if your life's not great?

[1581] No, no, like we're on the vacation and then that's part of my dream, seizure dream.

[1582] And then I wake up.

[1583] No, I wake up in my life.

[1584] My real self wakes up out in a hospital.

[1585] Do you think you're like a 90 -year -old granny that's been in a coma?

[1586] Maybe.

[1587] Oh, wow.

[1588] And what if you open your eyes and I'm there and I'm a hundred your time?

[1589] You're like, oh, no, it wasn't true.

[1590] But then I'm there at a hundred two.

[1591] That's a chilling ending to a movie.

[1592] Oh.

[1593] I like that.

[1594] Me too.

[1595] Wow.

[1596] A granny and a grampy.

[1597] I mean, I'm just even, I shouldn't say this because people like don't like when I say this.

[1598] Okay.

[1599] But we did have the thought if something happened.

[1600] Oh, yeah.

[1601] So people really hate talking about it.

[1602] Yeah, they do.

[1603] I think it has some power over the future.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] I don't believe that it does.

[1606] So I like jokes like that.

[1607] If we were on a spectrum, what would you say?

[1608] On feeling like jinxing is a thing.

[1609] I'm a seven.

[1610] Oh, wow.

[1611] I'm pretty high, but I'm trying to.

[1612] But the plane thing doesn't bother you?

[1613] For some reason, this time around, I am not worried about it.

[1614] But we were just kind of pointing out that Chris is the only one not on this trip.

[1615] Virtually every single friend she has and her family.

[1616] Yeah.

[1617] There's precious cargo on that one.

[1618] Yes, for her.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] Oof.

[1621] That's a bad night for her.

[1622] Probably don't recover from that one.

[1623] I don't know that you come back from that.

[1624] But then I also thought, oh, she could start all over.

[1625] Well, that's what I, when we were saying this joke and some people were getting mad and some people liked it.

[1626] I was saying if something that tragic has to.

[1627] to happen.

[1628] I don't want anyone that knows me left to see what I've become.

[1629] So it's almost better for me that nobody is around to like call me and see if I'm okay because I'm not going to be okay and I'm going to deal with it in a very specific way.

[1630] And it's just best that no one else is around to witness it.

[1631] Anyway, but it's fine.

[1632] We're fine.

[1633] We're back.

[1634] We made it.

[1635] Yeah.

[1636] What a great trip.

[1637] Really fun trip.

[1638] Oh my God.

[1639] The CBS ended up.

[1640] I can't believe Charlie got voted hottest guy on the island.

[1641] I can totally believe it, but you're not expecting that kind of ceremony.

[1642] No. They really presented him with the whole pig and everything.

[1643] The whole pig.

[1644] Yeah.

[1645] All right.

[1646] I love you.

[1647] I love you.

[1648] Bye.

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