Kaitlin Olson

[0] Hello, happy Monday or whatever day it is you're listening to this.

[1] I'm Dak Shepard and this is armchair expert.

[2] Today, we have one of my oldest friends coming in.

[3] She's incredibly talented.

[4] She's beautiful.

[5] She's just all around wonderful, great mom, wonderful wife from what I can tell from my buddy Rob.

[6] Caitlin Olson, you most certainly know her from the Mick or it's always sunny in Philadelphia.

[7] She is one of the funniest people I've ever worked with.

[8] We were in the growlings together and we will regal you with many stories.

[9] today.

[10] You will probably get to hear some behind the curtain stories back before I was sober as Caitlin got to witness on many occasions.

[11] So if that's your cup of tea, please enjoy my friend Caitlin Olson.

[12] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and add free right now.

[13] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[14] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[15] They're so cute.

[16] I feel like I should take them off because you guys did, but I haven't gotten a pedicure in a couple weeks, and it's just not going to happen.

[17] They shouldn't take those boots off.

[18] I did watch my feet.

[19] I wish they were like completely smattered in mud, and you were like, tough shit, I didn't have a pedicure.

[20] And by the way, that's not me. Because he saw, Rob saw, I did a lot, some thorough wiping.

[21] I'm not, as you can see by the state of the carpet, not terribly concerned about how clean it is.

[22] I did see you both take your shoes off.

[23] And I noted it, and I'm ignoring it on purpose.

[24] Just want you to know I am self -aware.

[25] Well, we also had a couple of weeks ago when it was, you know, torrential, this was a mud bog.

[26] And people were coming over like, you know, fancy people.

[27] And they're like waiting through really slippery deep mud.

[28] And then we had to take our shoes off because it would have, we had to thrown out the floors, I guess.

[29] Right, right.

[30] I like what you've done with it.

[31] Thank you.

[32] Caitlin Olson, welcome to the armchair expert.

[33] Hi.

[34] This is a, first of all, I'm super excited about this because you're, I think my oldest friend, that will have been on.

[35] But it runs the risk.

[36] I'll tell you what's scary to me when I do have someone on that I know really well is I know all this stuff about you.

[37] Yeah.

[38] As you know all this stuff about me. So like when I'm on my way here and I'm thinking about like what areas I'd like to touch, I'm like probably leave that out.

[39] Yes, I was thinking the same thing on the way over.

[40] Yeah.

[41] It's rare that you know too much about somebody in an interview situation, right?

[42] Yeah.

[43] But you can ask me anything.

[44] I'll just.

[45] Yeah, yeah.

[46] We'll have like a code.

[47] sign pass to you.

[48] Great.

[49] Like I'll phrase things.

[50] I have done this.

[51] Who did I have on where I had to go like, well, I was doing drugs.

[52] I don't know whether you were or not, but I was certainly doing drugs at that party.

[53] I was at a party that you were also at sitting with you when I was doing drugs.

[54] And the party was you and I in my living room.

[55] But again, I can't remember if you were partaking in the drugs or not.

[56] Yeah.

[57] But you are, you're kind of a split origin, right, between Oregon and Washington.

[58] Well, sort of.

[59] I'm mostly Oregon.

[60] I kind of.

[61] Washington was just.

[62] Vashon.

[63] It's Vashon.

[64] It's Vashon.

[65] You're trying to make it sound a lot fancier than it was.

[66] Nobody wore shoes.

[67] Why does it sound so lofty to me?

[68] Because it sounds like fashion.

[69] Oh, yeah.

[70] You say it correctly.

[71] Vashon.

[72] And let me remind you, people would get in their boats and go fishing for salmon if they wanted to eat dinner.

[73] That's more that vibe.

[74] Pretty highfalut.

[75] I wouldn't call it fashion.

[76] Was there a burberry on the island?

[77] What's a burberry?

[78] Isn't that a name of a clothing?

[79] It's a story.

[80] Oh, no, there was no. Do you see how unfamiliar I am with the...

[81] I don't know what it is about you, but you've always triggered in me. I feel very low class.

[82] Really?

[83] Yes.

[84] Oh my God, I love it.

[85] It's these pointy shoes I'm wearing.

[86] That's so funny.

[87] Yeah, you've always had good fashion.

[88] You've always had good Vashon.

[89] I don't know what he's thinking of.

[90] You really have.

[91] You've always had good style.

[92] And then you also, you speak so articulately.

[93] And that doesn't even a word I just said articulately.

[94] I love this.

[95] This is not my memory of it.

[96] our relationship.

[97] Well, we had sketches about it where you're teaching me to say theater, right?

[98] That's true.

[99] Well, I do love, you've got, but that's, you've got a very adorable regional thing where you've got some words that you say that, and I like that you stick to them.

[100] Thank you.

[101] Yeah.

[102] And you also drop the G off of a lot of your ING.

[103] Oh, getting.

[104] Oh, getting.

[105] Yeah, yeah.

[106] I love this.

[107] I do it right or wrong.

[108] It's not right or wrong.

[109] You just, it's just how you talk and I love it.

[110] Yeah, but yes, I was some.

[111] I'm self -conscious about my addiction, but I do think it's regionalness mixed a bit with like a learning disability.

[112] I think, I think you're poking fun at a disabled person.

[113] I think what I was doing, when I'm uncomfortable around someone, I just go on the offense and I just liked you.

[114] So I just had to pick you apart.

[115] Yes.

[116] And that is something I hope to get into is you and I have a very similar self -defense mechanism and some similar baggage.

[117] But we know each other because we met in the ground links.

[118] We did.

[119] Yep.

[120] And if you're not from Los Angeles, See, it's Los Angeles.

[121] You're doing it again.

[122] Okay, okay.

[123] The Groundleans is a theater.

[124] It's a comedy theater.

[125] This is already so fun.

[126] I love this.

[127] Thanks for having me. Yeah, the Groundleans is like Second City or UCB.

[128] It's a sketch and improv comedy theater.

[129] It takes years to go through.

[130] You take these classes and you get really close with people because you're spending a ton of time with them over the course of years.

[131] And we became really close and we then were in the Sunday company together for a year.

[132] Yes.

[133] And subsequent spoiler alert.

[134] and then subsequently kicked out together.

[135] Yeah, yeah, we got kicked out in the same day.

[136] Which I think we played a mutual role in that.

[137] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[138] Yeah, we fucked that up.

[139] Okay, so you're mostly from Oregon.

[140] What age did you move to the Rodeo Drive of the Pacific Northwest, Vashon?

[141] No, I'm from, so I was born in Oregon and then quickly moved to Spokane, Washington and was there when I was very, very little, and I don't remember that.

[142] And then we moved to Vashon when I was like, you know, kindergarten first grade.

[143] Okay, and how long were you there?

[144] It must have been like three years, but it felt like more, but it was a very short time.

[145] And again, here's where I'll expose some things I know about you.

[146] Maybe it felt like more because you're on a little island and your mother is very healthy.

[147] Yeah.

[148] First of all, I love both your parents.

[149] So, again, right out of the gates.

[150] No, I do.

[151] I do.

[152] I really do.

[153] That's what I mean.

[154] Okay.

[155] She rolled her eyes, guys.

[156] She rolled her eyes.

[157] But your mom is very, very healthy in explaining the type of sandwiches you were eating as a kid.

[158] Okay.

[159] Well, she's always been very healthy.

[160] She was an emergency room nurse.

[161] and she was the mom that tried to pass off carib for chocolate, which is just bullshit.

[162] What a jerk.

[163] I mean, well, now I go back.

[164] I don't like her.

[165] I know.

[166] I know.

[167] You love her, but you don't like her because I get it.

[168] I get it.

[169] I would definitely push her out of a train and maybe take the head.

[170] But then as she was falling out and I'd go, oh, what a prissy fall.

[171] You know, something like that?

[172] I don't know.

[173] She's not prissy.

[174] My mom's the nicest person in the entire world.

[175] She really is.

[176] She's a very big heart.

[177] She wanted us to be healthy.

[178] We would eat like our lunches had a full carrot in, in the sack and some 18 whole grain bread with peanut butter that you would grind yourself at the whole food store at the whole not whole foods I'm sorry the uh health food market right so she would she would go up there and she would deposit like a big scoop of raw peanuts and then you fucking pulverize she let us flip the switch oh isn't that fun and then we'd fill up the tub you give you a little ownership yeah and then it took like 15 20 minutes to chew one bite of this sandwich.

[179] The only upside of that, I guess, is it hard to put on weight when you physically can't eat one of those sandwiches or more than one of those in a day, right?

[180] We were very healthy.

[181] Yeah.

[182] How about that?

[183] Yeah.

[184] And were you aware of that?

[185] Were you looking at other kids and they had like whatever the 80s equivalents of snackables were?

[186] Were you like, Jesus, what are all these kids?

[187] Yeah, like bolognais, white bread.

[188] It was so delicious.

[189] I was the nicest, sweetest, quietest kid.

[190] been in one fight in my life and it was in the second grade because this little girl used to trade her cookies.

[191] I don't know if I traded.

[192] I think she used to give me her cookies.

[193] I don't think there was anything I had that she'd want.

[194] What the fuck would she want?

[195] 12 of your grains.

[196] No, she didn't want any of my grains.

[197] But one day she wanted to keep her cookies.

[198] And I was like, no. Those are mine.

[199] Yeah.

[200] Those are now.

[201] Those are our cookies.

[202] And by our, I mean, those are my cookies.

[203] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[204] Don't take my cookies from me. You know, now you and I are both raising children in Los Angeles.

[205] There's a lot of progressive, I'll call them child philosophies out there, some I agree with, some I don't.

[206] Was she employing my kids?

[207] No, no, I'll get to that.

[208] But was she also employing any kind of like progressive parenting technique or just just doing it?

[209] No, she was very protective and we had a lot of rules and we weren't.

[210] It was also, especially on Vashon, which you're obsessed with, but I was only there for a couple years.

[211] Everyone, nobody locked their doors.

[212] You kind of went to your neighbor's house.

[213] You'd walk down the street.

[214] We, like, we could walk down the street together, my brother and I and, like, grab something from the grocery store and she'd pay for it later, that kind of thing.

[215] Oh, that's fun.

[216] Yeah, it was, like, that kind of very sleepy little island, yeah.

[217] Yeah.

[218] So there wasn't any kind of, like, rye technique going on that you're aware of.

[219] No. Okay, now, let's just touch base on your father, who is a fucking stud.

[220] Yeah, he's the best.

[221] He's such a stud.

[222] Do you know, he just was here?

[223] He left yesterday.

[224] He was here because it was grandparents' day at school, so we feel.

[225] And he flew down.

[226] That's the kind of guy he is.

[227] Yeah, he is.

[228] But just right out of the gates.

[229] This motherfucker is what, 6 -3, 6 -4?

[230] Yeah, 6 -4.

[231] Oh, and he's handsome as all get out.

[232] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[233] And he's a strong man. Full, full thick head of hair.

[234] Oh, yes.

[235] To my chagrin.

[236] Oh, yeah.

[237] Couldn't be thicker.

[238] Mine too.

[239] I did not give it to me. And he's a very smart guy.

[240] Yep.

[241] When I met him, he was working in the newspaper business.

[242] But is that what he's doing when you were a kid?

[243] Yep.

[244] Yep.

[245] He was.

[246] Yep.

[247] He always did that.

[248] And then the Vashon.

[249] Nope.

[250] Upity.

[251] Yeah, yeah.

[252] He worked at Burberry.

[253] He did their magazines.

[254] He put us a newsletter of a burberry.

[255] He worked in Seattle.

[256] So he would take the ferry.

[257] Yeah, that's kind of why we live there.

[258] And there's an edible thing.

[259] I think most daughters just kind of love their dad.

[260] But then on top of it, your dad is really Tom Selleck and worth being head over heels in love with.

[261] Were you a daddy's girl?

[262] Yeah.

[263] Yeah.

[264] You just loved him.

[265] He's the best, he's the best person I know.

[266] Yeah.

[267] And you've always had, right from when I, I met you, you and I have always lamented that when we look in the mirror, we're not pumped.

[268] Generally, right?

[269] No, no. I've never high -fived my image in my mirror.

[270] No, I don't love that my picture's being taken right now with these things on my head.

[271] It's fine.

[272] I mean, no, it's going to happen.

[273] I'm going to get over it, but it's just one of those layers.

[274] I'm not to let that go and try and focus on what you're saying.

[275] You know what I mean?

[276] And I get that.

[277] Yes.

[278] And now he's on our profile, taking pictures of our noses.

[279] Yeah.

[280] Oh, God.

[281] What's funny is when I look at your nose, I think it's very attractive.

[282] But of course, you feel the way about your nose.

[283] that I feel about.

[284] I think your nose is great.

[285] Just too much nose.

[286] Right?

[287] It's a lot of nose.

[288] It is.

[289] It's also shocking when you see it from the side because I'm just not used to it, you know?

[290] Well, you know what's weird is I actually prefer my nose in a profile than I do dead on.

[291] Really?

[292] Yeah, because it's so heterogeneous, both because my nostrils are different shape.

[293] And then also it's been broken in a fight.

[294] Yeah, it's crooked because of the fighting.

[295] It's crooked.

[296] And so it's just a fucking mess.

[297] It looks like someone threw Plato at my face from the front.

[298] Well, mine, for some reason, when I see it from the side, I don't understand why it needs to start between my eyebrows and jet straight out.

[299] There's no gentle slope before it decides to come out.

[300] And that doesn't make any sense.

[301] I can breathe just fine.

[302] What's so great about that is that that's not your nose, what you just described.

[303] But again, I'm not going to argue either of our delusions because they are what they are.

[304] They just are.

[305] That's what you see when you look in the mirror.

[306] Yet despite that, right from the second I met you, you have, now whether it's true internal confidence, you do have high expectations for yourself.

[307] Yeah.

[308] And I would imagine that's largely informed by your dad.

[309] Yeah.

[310] I mean, he, well, he thought I was the greatest thing in the world.

[311] So that, you know, again, maybe that is worth.

[312] Do you hear that dads?

[313] You hear that dads?

[314] For real.

[315] But moms too.

[316] My mom also thought I was the greatest thing.

[317] They just, I had really good parents who thought that I was special and didn't, that didn't mean that I was, you know.

[318] When you shit the bed, that was a miracle.

[319] Absolutely.

[320] No, not at all.

[321] Like, I'd fuck up and I'd have to fix it.

[322] But the truth is, I wasn't the kid who was fucking up.

[323] I was just trying my, I was a perfectionist.

[324] And they saw that and they didn't like that because I just would put too much pressure on myself.

[325] So I think they wanted even more to tell me like you're enough, just the way you are.

[326] And your mom clearly instilled yet another great set of values and cool attributes to you.

[327] But just specifically with men, I've not seen you been the victim of, any kind of abusiveness or like you had you had a high expectation for what you deserved you had been treated a certain way by somebody and you were aware of what it was like to be treated correctly all my boyfriends were like it was just laughable because it was like I don't know what it is like no one's going to be your dad you know and I get I get that and I well we're going to get to someone who was yeah yeah got pretty close the only guy I think is as studly as your dad is Rob yeah continue I know I found the one guy he is He's pretty great.

[328] He's such a man. He really is.

[329] But that's the thing about my dad is I always felt like my dad was like really physically strong and emotionally strong.

[330] But he was so kind.

[331] Like there was nobody kinder than my dad.

[332] Or more respectful to people.

[333] I mean, would just go out of, in Oregon, you can't pump your own gas, which is maddening.

[334] It really is.

[335] It's just ridiculous.

[336] Yeah, yeah.

[337] Although I think they changed that this year.

[338] They did.

[339] Thank God.

[340] But growing up, you couldn't pump your own gas.

[341] And I just remember, I don't know.

[342] why I remember this, but he would always roll down his window, have a conversation with the gas station attendance.

[343] Always thank you, sir.

[344] Yeah.

[345] Have a great day.

[346] I contact.

[347] He just was, it was important to him to be respectful to everyone.

[348] Well, he's kind of alpha male 2 .0.

[349] Yes.

[350] He's like the evolved alpha male because he's a boss.

[351] He's totally a boss.

[352] Yet he's kind as fuck.

[353] He sets everybody at ease.

[354] He can have a conversation with anyone.

[355] I wish I was interviewing him so bad.

[356] I'm sorry.

[357] You know what?

[358] I should have asked him to stay.

[359] It's not me you want here.

[360] Oh, I would have love to.

[361] What's so funny is I, you know, as you know, I got to hang out with your dad on location without you at all.

[362] I know.

[363] Back when I worked for General Motors, I had to drop a car off in Portland and then I swung through B. Well, do you want me to expose where they let, who gives a fuck?

[364] They were in unincorporated Clackamas County.

[365] That's where you ended up.

[366] They since have moved.

[367] Okay.

[368] I got to hang out with him just, you know, two bros. And I had a cop car is what I was delivering.

[369] And he was pumped about that.

[370] There was a, a dinner party, people had some drinks, and then your dad goes, let's get in that fucking cop car, put some road behind us.

[371] And I was like, absolutely.

[372] It's basically the last thing you'd normally want to show a dad of a female friend of yours is that like you like hot rodden and shit.

[373] But yeah, we loaded up.

[374] We loaded up.

[375] And then unfortunately, there was someone in the car that I made, I scared somebody.

[376] And I felt terrible about that.

[377] I occasionally still think about that.

[378] Like your dad and I were partying.

[379] And then one of the females got a little nervous about the whole thing but that's nice of driving too fast we were fucking hauling ass with the flashers on a country a country road yeah it was uh yeah 12 year old dream come true yeah so you do you do great in school you're a good student just a pleaser i i was fine i got as and b's but you know i was fine and you will admit that pathologically on some level yeah yeah a pleaser yeah was so would you worry about like what teachers thought of you or what people you wanted approval from thought of you or any I worried about what everyone thought about me really yeah oh let's put your brother in the mix too because he's also like the sweetest kindest person ever and he's also in your life yeah he's a year and a half older than me he's really cool we have opposite personalities he's more comfortable and um small groups um yeah but he's he's great he's very chill he's very he's very smart he's like a computer programmer and he um was protective of you and through the ride through school so uh yeah well reverse sort of we we were so close in age um that he always kind of wanted to be like big brother but it was like we were more like twins and then so it's kind of irritating and then um he sort of had his own friends and i we we would we played a lot together because we lived i now have moved to tiger because we were we were on Vashon for literally like five minutes okay so mostly I grew up in in a little town outside of Portland so we went to this big school for us because we were coming from a tiny little island what grade is this a third is it a tough transition yeah yeah yeah yeah really thank you third grade yeah third grade it was like one of those defining moments in my life where you go to therapy and they're like well how far back can you remember feeling like that and it was like oh it was when I moved from Vashon to Tigard right like suddenly there were clicks I didn't know anything about popular, unpopular.

[380] We didn't have that on Vash.

[381] And you needed to dress certain ways.

[382] You needed.

[383] I was told, I was, I was walking around on the first day at recess and there was a little girl playing like wallball by yourself.

[384] And I walked up and started playing with her and somebody else pulled me away from her right away.

[385] I was like, do not play with her.

[386] Oh.

[387] And I was like, why?

[388] I was like, she's not cool.

[389] I was like, I don't even understand what.

[390] It was like really the first time that had ever been introduced to me. And it just was like, well.

[391] Did you say good looking out?

[392] Yeah.

[393] I was like, thank you.

[394] Got away from her as fast as possible.

[395] Isn't that fucking evil?

[396] We are monsters when we're little kids, right?

[397] Oh, yeah.

[398] They're the worst.

[399] Yeah.

[400] How did you find?

[401] When you eventually clicked in there, what was the route to start feeling comfortable?

[402] Oh, God.

[403] Never happened?

[404] Or it really, I just, it puts such an awareness in my head that you have to watch every little thing that you do because I didn't realize you couldn't just walk up and start playing with someone.

[405] So then I was like, well, what else can't you do?

[406] And I just remember becoming very aware that there were rules that I did not know.

[407] Yeah.

[408] And it just made me extremely self -conscious.

[409] And so I just from then on was trying to like do the right thing rather than just have fun.

[410] And it was, it sucks.

[411] I wish someone would have noticed that and talked about it right away because that continued for years, probably, you know, all the way through junior high.

[412] So what did you latch on to?

[413] What was the thing that you did well that you was like a source of confidence for you, your self -esteem?

[414] Well, nothing for a long time.

[415] I mean, when I was really little, it was just about.

[416] having girlfriends and having them not be mad at me. And then I got in that big accident in sixth grade.

[417] I've talked about it a bunch.

[418] I fell off my bike.

[419] It punched a hole in my head.

[420] So I had to have my head shaved going into seventh grade, which was junior high.

[421] Ideal timing for that.

[422] That's it.

[423] It's over.

[424] That's a wrap on Caitlin Olman.

[425] It's all.

[426] And so that stuck.

[427] And the next like four or five years of my life was just kind of The tooth in that makes up.

[428] No, but all of these like.

[429] No, because you know it's really funny.

[430] It's on the right over here, I did remember there was some big.

[431] physical trauma?

[432] Yeah.

[433] And then I went straight to teeth.

[434] There was teeth stuff.

[435] There was.

[436] Yeah, yeah.

[437] So all of these like first six were still attached, but like shoved into the back of my mouth.

[438] So like in the emergency room, he had to grab them and literally pull them back into place.

[439] Oh my goodness.

[440] It was horrible.

[441] You got to basically play hockey to have that experience.

[442] Yeah.

[443] I, I have a very vivid memory.

[444] I was 12.

[445] I have a very vivid memory of in the middle of it happening.

[446] It was so painful that I was like, well, there's no point in like even being upset about this anymore.

[447] And I just kind of went dead.

[448] Just let it happen.

[449] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[450] It's like, all right, you just sort of let it wash over you.

[451] Yikes.

[452] And, but you didn't have any residual issues from that, at least cosmetically, did you?

[453] No, well.

[454] The hole in your head.

[455] That's a big scar, but my hair grew in.

[456] But like, this, my top lip had like crazy scar tissue for like the next five years.

[457] So my top lip was huge.

[458] Or gorgeous.

[459] Some people would say.

[460] Yeah.

[461] Like Angelina Jolie?

[462] That would have been lovely.

[463] to think of it that way.

[464] It's not how I looked at it.

[465] I do remember Casey Johnson and the lunch line one time in the seventh grade after I was out of my wheelchair and back in school.

[466] Oh my fucking God, you were in a wheelchair?

[467] Yeah, I wasn't allowed to walk for a while because it was the worst.

[468] Your muscles atrophy and shit?

[469] No, sincerely, if you fucking don't walk, don't you're...

[470] I think it was just like a couple months.

[471] Okay.

[472] Yeah, no. Casey Johnson was, something was hitting me in the head and fucking Casey Johnson apparently was trying to throw jelly beans at me to see if he could get them to land.

[473] in the hole in my head.

[474] Oh, my goodness.

[475] Yeah.

[476] I hope Casey Johnson's died in some sort of horrific accident.

[477] And I hope his family's listening to this.

[478] Dick move, but also kind of baller.

[479] Yeah, yeah.

[480] Like if you're...

[481] Pretty good one.

[482] Got it.

[483] I tip my hat to you.

[484] Yeah.

[485] You broke my heart.

[486] Yeah.

[487] I'll never be the same, but it is solid.

[488] Yeah.

[489] It's a solid joke.

[490] If only if it were a basket like that, just a hole in the skull.

[491] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[492] If you dare.

[493] What's up, guys, it's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[494] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[495] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[496] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[497] And I don't mean just friends.

[498] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[499] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[500] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[501] We've all been there.

[502] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[503] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[504] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[505] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[506] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[507] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[508] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[509] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[510] So, and then do you stay in the same route with the same kids and go to high school, or do you now...

[511] Yeah, so now we're all in high school.

[512] hairs grow now.

[513] I was too scared to do theater in junior high, but I really wanted to.

[514] So in high school is really where I found theater.

[515] And then I found a bunch of good friends.

[516] And then from on out, it was fine.

[517] Right.

[518] That was the thing where you're like, oh, yeah.

[519] Here we go.

[520] Yeah.

[521] I found my niche.

[522] Yeah.

[523] Yeah.

[524] And how about boys?

[525] When do boys enter the picture?

[526] They're not in the picture.

[527] No. No, no, no, no. Not all the way through high school.

[528] Not.

[529] I just was, I was scared of boys.

[530] I didn't want to go.

[531] Yeah.

[532] I hated myself.

[533] I assumed everyone hated me. Yeah.

[534] No one did.

[535] that's so nice I didn't know that yeah I was very comfortable in the theater apartment but yeah it was it was um did you have crushes on guys or did they were all terrified you did okay oh no yeah did you have any posters in your room I I didn't have posters in my room I know I'm I was like real stuffed animals I'm sorry you guys 17 year old me was kind of like 14 I was just very yeah I just I just wanted to be with my family and like my friends who were nice to me and I loved Matt Callahan though who's he oh he was a boy He was a boy.

[536] Yeah, he wore Stoosies all the time.

[537] Oh, sure.

[538] Oh, really?

[539] A lot of Oakley and Stozy.

[540] So he had kind of like an extreme lifestyle.

[541] He's big, strong.

[542] Was he?

[543] Yeah, blonde.

[544] Oh, wow.

[545] Dumb.

[546] So dumb.

[547] Oh, my God.

[548] Yeah.

[549] Loved him.

[550] He didn't love me back.

[551] Yeah.

[552] I have later observed that you have really eclectic taste in men, which is exciting.

[553] Yeah.

[554] Yeah.

[555] Yeah.

[556] Because I will think, I will have thought in the past that you had a type.

[557] No. And then all of a sudden I did.

[558] And I never date it.

[559] And then you love 50 cent out of nowhere or something.

[560] Or, you know, there's just always a bunch of anomalies.

[561] I'm all over the place.

[562] Which is exciting.

[563] Kristen is the same way.

[564] I don't know if you know this about her, but her top five hall passes are Vincent Donofrio.

[565] That makes total sense.

[566] Okay.

[567] T .I. the rapper.

[568] Help me out with the guy.

[569] Dinklitch.

[570] Well, I was going to save that for five.

[571] But who's the guy from in the night out?

[572] No. Oh, oh, I know you're talking about it's like one syllable.

[573] It is one syllable.

[574] She's tiny.

[575] Yeah, he's British.

[576] British Pakistani.

[577] And Bris Ahmed.

[578] She's got to bring a couple pair of dungarees if she's going to watch a show with him in it.

[579] I met him on a right carpet and I told him my wife wants to fuck you so bad.

[580] And I think he like first of all, I make this mistake all the time.

[581] I assume the thing I'd love to hear is what someone else would love to you.

[582] So if someone said that to me, there were...

[583] Who wouldn't want to hear that?

[584] That's what I think in my head, stupidly, naive realism.

[585] I then forget, he's going, is this a weird trap?

[586] Do they have a weird sex game where he wants to be jealous?

[587] Yeah, what's the right answer?

[588] Yes.

[589] Also, she's standing right there.

[590] Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[591] It's an uncomfortable.

[592] Well, in truth, I was helping her.

[593] Yeah, yeah.

[594] But she's not going to do that.

[595] That's an unconventional relationship.

[596] I can see how he might be confused.

[597] Yes, yes, yes.

[598] So I'm just trying to facilitate her being able to go like, absolutely.

[599] And did it go well?

[600] I don't think it did.

[601] Just to recap, Vincent DiNofrio, 65.

[602] Yeah, makes sense.

[603] 58 years old.

[604] Riz Ahmed younger Pakistani.

[605] T .I. And then Peter Dinklage.

[606] What?

[607] Yeah.

[608] These are her top four.

[609] There's another one in there.

[610] My point is this helps me not be jealous.

[611] What would I even sit at home and worry about?

[612] This sky's the limit.

[613] I don't fucking know who it's.

[614] going to be.

[615] Right.

[616] It's a waste of my time to even consider it.

[617] Don't even try it.

[618] Don't rack your brain trying to figure out what could be norm from cheers.

[619] It could be Brad Pitt and it's because it's a quality that you fall in love with.

[620] So you can't just look at what people look like.

[621] And God bless women because they do that.

[622] That's what women do and men don't do that.

[623] No, no, no. Women are like, men are like I love that quality assuming she's hot as fuck.

[624] Hoping that that quality comes in the most beautiful package.

[625] Yeah.

[626] Well the starter is yes, I'm physically attracted to this person.

[627] And now, oh, Bingo, they haven't, the personnel they're looking for.

[628] Yeah, we're the worst.

[629] Totally sidetracked.

[630] But, yeah, your, your taste has always been eclectic.

[631] So it doesn't surprise me that you were in love with a galute in high school.

[632] And were you trying, did you try to send any signals or no, just fuck it.

[633] You loved him from afar and that was that.

[634] I think I thought I was sending him signals.

[635] I think I was just staring at him.

[636] That's a signal.

[637] Yeah, see.

[638] Yeah.

[639] That's how I've detected.

[640] I've encouraged Monica to stare at folks.

[641] stare at people.

[642] Yeah.

[643] Not blinking.

[644] Yeah.

[645] Because I remember in college, like, I would like look over and see, oh, that gal is really just, she's locked in.

[646] Mm -hmm.

[647] She wouldn't be locked in if she didn't like me. Right.

[648] Yeah.

[649] It means something.

[650] Unless I had a horn or something, which I didn't.

[651] Well, the nose.

[652] She might have been staring at the powerful nose.

[653] That was before it was this crooked.

[654] But anyways.

[655] I love your nose.

[656] Thank you so much.

[657] I love yours.

[658] So you end up going to University of Oregon.

[659] Yes.

[660] You're a duck.

[661] Yeah.

[662] Yeah.

[663] That's where I really let loose.

[664] Because you, that's where the wheels came off.

[665] You had outstanding grades.

[666] Were there other schools you wanted to go to?

[667] You were always going there.

[668] Didn't really care about college.

[669] Just wanted to have a degree.

[670] And I just wanted to move to L .A. Okay.

[671] Well, that's when I'm curious, why not just go to.

[672] I just wasn't ready.

[673] Like I said, even graduating, it just was still very, very young.

[674] I just needed to, I wanted to be a little bit away from my parents, but not too far away from my parents.

[675] I wanted to be able to come home.

[676] on the weekend if I got scared.

[677] And yeah, that didn't happen a lot.

[678] I loved college.

[679] Who opened up the door to your like wild adventurous side?

[680] Because when I met you, at least to me, didn't strike me as someone who was sheltered or scared to be on your own.

[681] Is Josh Nathan in the mix?

[682] Oh, yeah.

[683] So I met Josh at college.

[684] Mutual friend of ours who we love.

[685] Yes, we love him and he did the groundlings with us.

[686] But before that, my best friend from high school, Heather, who was very outgoing, went to college with me. And she was very loud.

[687] For some reason, it just opened up a whole new world.

[688] Also, just being in a place with more people.

[689] Yeah.

[690] That high school was big for me, but in reality, it wasn't that big at all, you know?

[691] So now they're all kinds of different people.

[692] And you start drinking?

[693] Yes.

[694] And then I started drinking.

[695] Did not drink in high school?

[696] Okay.

[697] So, yeah, when you're drinking, if you have the isms that we have, all of a sudden, you're confident, right?

[698] You're not overthinking things.

[699] Suddenly I was hilarious.

[700] Uh -huh.

[701] And probably everyone wanted to hang out with me, but only when I was drinking.

[702] Sure.

[703] And the nose started in the correct place probably while you were drunk.

[704] Oh, yeah.

[705] The nose was beautiful.

[706] You know what it was?

[707] The hair, just the beautiful hair that I used to have.

[708] It just distracted from the nose probably when I was drinking.

[709] Yes.

[710] Also, you have gigantic blue eyes that are beautiful.

[711] And you're like, fuck it, man. I got these rockets.

[712] Yeah.

[713] I want to say something that's going to make you so uncomfortable.

[714] But as soon as I walked in, I was like, she is so pretty.

[715] That's so nice.

[716] I really did.

[717] Thank you.

[718] That's very nice.

[719] Thank you.

[720] I appreciate that.

[721] Particularly the eyes, though, like even if I watch your TV show, the Mick, I'm like, ha, ha, ha, what the fuck?

[722] Look at those things.

[723] Like there.

[724] My brother has similar eyes in that.

[725] It looks like they are lit from behind.

[726] Yeah.

[727] Like they're blasting blue light out.

[728] That's nice.

[729] Thank you.

[730] I appreciate that.

[731] So, Heather is your ambassador, I imagine, to like nightlife and parties and all that.

[732] We also, we lived in.

[733] And you guys are hooking up and stuff as well.

[734] Together?

[735] Yeah.

[736] I'm teasing.

[737] If you need that, sure.

[738] Yeah, but we also lived in this kind of a dorm.

[739] It was right across, it had a lot of football players in it, and it was right across the street from a fraternity.

[740] Oh, boy.

[741] And we just became friends with all of these guys.

[742] And a lot of women, too, but at college, especially at that age, like women are not still not very nice to each other.

[743] So we had more guy friends than women friends, and we had no interest in being in a sorority.

[744] And it's fair to say that you've always seemed to have gotten along really well with guys really easily.

[745] Is that true?

[746] Yeah.

[747] Yeah.

[748] I also have lots of really wonderful female friends now, too.

[749] Well, I wasn't trying to say that no one.

[750] Well, just some gals do well in a group of guys and some don't.

[751] Just in the ground lanes, it's very male heavy and you're very comfortable there.

[752] Yeah, yeah, I have a lot of male friends.

[753] And like sunny, I'm surrounded by men and, yeah, a lot of dudes in my life.

[754] Maybe too many there, right?

[755] I'm going to say one too many, but I'm not going to specify.

[756] So you love school, right?

[757] You and Josh, at least from the stories you told me, it's fucking Eden for you guys.

[758] department was so fun and at this point I'm able to now I've started feeling confident and funny and so even when I was feeling like physically insecure I didn't that didn't matter I was doing characters so right I started to be a little bit more comfortable in my own skin and Josh and I started like getting great roles and all these great plays and I just started feeling confident yeah so and then this is a little bit of a dicey observation to make but I'll fucking make it anyways there are people who are nervous to let themselves be ugly on a stage and you don't have that no which is amazing like you'll play at least in our experience you'll play every character i think i leaned into it because all of a sudden it was it was fine to look ugly and i always i'm not look i'm sure i had some sort of dysmorphia um and the bike accident did not help but i never felt like the wheelchair didn't fucking skyrocket yourself the no it was mostly the mostly shaved head with the hair around the perimeter yeah like a harry christner or something yeah yeah i was the Just this part was shaved.

[759] Why not just shave it all off?

[760] Just shave it off for me. For real.

[761] Yeah.

[762] And I was 13.

[763] Did you wear a baseball cap?

[764] Yeah, I tried, but, you know, I didn't have the face for it.

[765] I also tried pulling the front hair back over to try and make a ponytail.

[766] But, you know, that didn't work.

[767] I really wish.

[768] I'm sure my parents tried to get me to shave it off, but there's just no way.

[769] I needed something.

[770] Yeah, yeah.

[771] Oh, in hindsight, my God.

[772] I'd love to see some photos.

[773] I was just going to say, I have a picture.

[774] I've told this whole story.

[775] to John and Dave Churnan who run the Mick, who created the Mick.

[776] They've got a picture.

[777] And it's the picture that comes up when I call their cell phone.

[778] Oh, really?

[779] Yeah, right after surgery, it's very sad.

[780] Oh, boy.

[781] Well, the advantage of that is that you could never fire somebody if that's the photo you see them as the phone rings it.

[782] No matter how hell you are, you'd be like, this is it.

[783] I can't, well, fuck, life's too short.

[784] We're going to, oh, no, I'm sorry.

[785] Oh, Jesus.

[786] Whatever you want.

[787] This little girl.

[788] This little injured girl.

[789] So college is a, blast.

[790] And then do you move directly to LA from college?

[791] You don't stop back at home.

[792] And are your parents supportive or are they nervous for you?

[793] I think they were nervous, but they never said anything.

[794] Yeah.

[795] Of course they were nervous.

[796] They're cool like that.

[797] Yeah.

[798] They were always very supportive.

[799] Yeah.

[800] And at that time were you thinking I want to do comedy or I want to be on Saturday or were you just thinking I want to be an actress or did you have an idea in mind of what you?

[801] I think halfway through college, I figured out that comedy was something that I could do.

[802] well.

[803] And I loved dramatic stuff too, but I worked at it.

[804] And I had like technical things that I needed to do to get me to a certain place.

[805] Comedy, I didn't have to think about it at all.

[806] And I was just like doing extra stuff and having fun.

[807] Yeah.

[808] And it was for someone who was so not confident, I never had any doubt that I would be fine.

[809] Right.

[810] Interesting.

[811] Kept moving here and doing comedy.

[812] I don't know why.

[813] It just never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be successful at it.

[814] Yeah.

[815] And then so when we met, which I don't know the year.

[816] I'm bad at this.

[817] I know two years.

[818] The high school I graduated in college.

[819] Me too.

[820] Anything else is a blur.

[821] Yeah, but but maybe around 2002 or something.

[822] Oh, remember the Blenmaster 2002.

[823] Two thousand two years.

[824] Oh, yeah.

[825] In the Sunday company.

[826] Yeah.

[827] So maybe it was like 2000 or 99 or something.

[828] Yeah.

[829] But when we met, which I think we met in the fourth level of the ground link, right?

[830] You already had an agent.

[831] You worked by my, from where I was sitting.

[832] Yes, I think you were already, were you already on curb?

[833] You had been on curb.

[834] Yeah, maybe a couple times.

[835] I'm using the shortened version.

[836] Yeah, because you're in the biz.

[837] Yeah, I'm in the biz.

[838] Curbier enthusiasm.

[839] Yeah, I've probably done a couple.

[840] Right.

[841] Okay.

[842] And you would also, you were in a movie.

[843] It was a big movie.

[844] Yeah, yeah.

[845] Oh, let me, I want to remember.

[846] It was about a bar and it was a female -driven, sexy bar movie.

[847] Yeah.

[848] Was it called sexy bar?

[849] Sure.

[850] It may as well have been.

[851] What was it called?

[852] It was Coyote Ugly.

[853] Yeah.

[854] I loved that movie.

[855] Did you?

[856] Yes.

[857] I haven't heard that before.

[858] I haven't heard that before.

[859] I was bidding customer number two, I think.

[860] And then, Monica, can you tell us what about that movie was appealing?

[861] I was in.

[862] Shut up.

[863] Yeah, yeah, you already hate her right.

[864] I was, I was one year old.

[865] My babysitter was letting us watch it one night.

[866] I wanted to see Bring It On that night.

[867] The whole school did.

[868] So we all went to the movie theater.

[869] And then, of course, I didn't get into bringing it on.

[870] Because?

[871] All the tickets sold out before I got there.

[872] So then some of us had to see Coyote Ugly because we were already at the movie theater.

[873] And then we all loved it.

[874] It was like rowdy in there.

[875] Everyone was having so much fun.

[876] It's a fun movie.

[877] It is a fun movie.

[878] Yeah.

[879] And did you think like, fuck me. When I grew up, I'm going to party.

[880] Yeah, I'm going to dance on that bar.

[881] Yeah.

[882] I did.

[883] And the title, remind me what Coyote Ugly means.

[884] I think it's a bar in New York, right?

[885] I think it's a real bar in New York where women take off their bras and, like, throw them up on stage and then it becomes part of the decor.

[886] Well, there is a bar, but it's not called Coyote.

[887] It's in the meatpacking district.

[888] And you guys shot there, or they shot there, they rebuilt it.

[889] And guys who would park their Harleys in front or in the bar, right?

[890] Well, Monica fact checks us.

[891] She'll figure this out.

[892] But at any rate, wait, did you shoot that here or in New York?

[893] That was here.

[894] It was.

[895] They were not going to fly me to be bidding customer number two.

[896] But I want to go back to Monica for one second.

[897] Mind you, she and I have an ongoing thing where it's like, I'll go, did you see?

[898] And she just preemptively goes, I was a baby.

[899] Yeah.

[900] I was just a baby when that came out.

[901] A little baby.

[902] She is really cute.

[903] Oh, she's the cute.

[904] I'm much older than that.

[905] I look.

[906] She's not much older than she looks.

[907] I mean, you look young, but you're also not old.

[908] She's 30.

[909] It's great.

[910] It's great.

[911] It's great.

[912] I'm so happy to be 30.

[913] Congratulations.

[914] Thank you.

[915] Thank you.

[916] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[917] If you dare.

[918] So, yeah, so you were working and I want to point this out to people because if you're an aspiring actor or you're really inspiring, aspiring anything, being talented, who gives a fuck?

[919] That's literally, you know, 40 % of it tops.

[920] You were very organized.

[921] You were very driven.

[922] You showed up whenever you had to show up.

[923] You would drive across the universe to audition.

[924] Like, you were a very hard worker.

[925] I recognized that quite early on.

[926] I appreciate that.

[927] That's what, yeah.

[928] I like pilot season, just being in the car.

[929] And I'm so old that there was no, like, navigation on your phone.

[930] So it was like Thomas guides.

[931] You're just like looking up horrible with directions anyway.

[932] And like you're pulled over on the side of the freeway looking.

[933] your Thomas guide for where you're supposed to go.

[934] Yes.

[935] And you've printed up 16 ,000 headshots.

[936] You've stapled your resume at the back.

[937] It just gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

[938] Me too.

[939] My armpits just started sweating.

[940] It was so embarrassing because at the groundlings once you get into the Sunday company, they have everyone's headshot on the wall.

[941] And everyone's was a professional headshot.

[942] And mine was a timer photo in front of a. That's so good.

[943] And you know what that really stemmed from?

[944] One, I was broke.

[945] Two, I just couldn't bear to spend more money on it.

[946] I'd already done it once.

[947] You may have been a little broke, but mostly you were just super stingy.

[948] Yes, I was super stingy.

[949] You didn't spend money on anything.

[950] I did not spend money on anything.

[951] Good for you.

[952] And then I'll add a third like childhood thing was I was convinced everyone was trying to take advantage of me. So the whole racket of hiring the photographer.

[953] And then for some reason these motherfuckers own the film.

[954] And you have to buy it from them.

[955] Yes, you remember that?

[956] It is ridiculous.

[957] That's fucking bullshit.

[958] What do you mean you own the film?

[959] And then so if you want to, to get headshut you had to track down Jason from fucking North Hollywood and then ask him and it was a pain in the ass and he charged you every time he reordered.

[960] Yeah.

[961] You know what?

[962] You're right.

[963] And I just felt like this is a scam.

[964] They're praying upon me and they're going to milk me. So a lot of it was like my, yeah, my own childhood stuff getting in the way of probably bettering my chances out of this.

[965] Yeah, but you stuck with it.

[966] I succeeded in spite of myself who you didn't pay.

[967] I do think that's the last headshot I ever got.

[968] Really?

[969] My self -timer headshot.

[970] It's pretty great.

[971] Thank God.

[972] But you had your fucking shit together and you had a really good manager who really believed in you.

[973] Still have her.

[974] You still do.

[975] That makes me so happy.

[976] Also, just so you guys know, she's also working at a, I don't even know how to describe that store on Charltonville.

[977] Yeah, glisten.

[978] Yeah.

[979] Would you call that a home?

[980] It was.

[981] Trinkets?

[982] Like little gifts.

[983] It was like a little like gifts and like chotchkes and.

[984] And we did gift baskets around the holidays and pajamas.

[985] Yeah.

[986] And so you worked there all the time and it wasn't like a glamorous job.

[987] And I would swing through there occasionally.

[988] I also was a recruiter for a biotech company for a little while, part time.

[989] I had no idea what I was talking about.

[990] And then I was a receptionist at a hair salon and sometimes two or three of those at the same time.

[991] I worked all day long and then wrote at night.

[992] And partied.

[993] And partied like crazy.

[994] Yeah.

[995] It's important to point out that you still found.

[996] time to party.

[997] Yeah, I'm good at prioritizing.

[998] Yeah.

[999] And I too partied heavily at that time.

[1000] Yeah, we partied together.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] And so there was a lot of writing sessions like that start with just shame, abject shame, a hangover.

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] And we would just have to push through.

[1005] They just powered through.

[1006] See how hard workers we were?

[1007] I do wonder sometimes what I would have got done if like three of my days weren't obliterated by.

[1008] Me too.

[1009] Just terrible hangovers.

[1010] Or we just get together to write and be like we should probably go see a movie first.

[1011] Get inspired.

[1012] Well, one of the funnest writing sessions that ever went awry was you came over, we were going to write, and I assume I suggested it.

[1013] Well, let's do ecstasy instead.

[1014] It's like the middle of the afternoon.

[1015] You know, we should do.

[1016] We should do it.

[1017] And then we should drive an hour south and go to the beach.

[1018] To go to the beach because our friend Jess had a discount at Gulfstream restaurant.

[1019] That's right.

[1020] Because he worked at Houston's.

[1021] Oh, is that why we went down there?

[1022] That's exactly why we went down.

[1023] I mean, I went down there to do ecstasy.

[1024] I don't know why everyone else was going.

[1025] I do love a good free meal.

[1026] Absolutely.

[1027] And so we take ecstasy right and we go down to whatever that little beach, Redondo Beach or some shit.

[1028] We end up on the beach.

[1029] What happens next?

[1030] Well, first of all, it's probably one of the best days of our lives.

[1031] We're just very happy.

[1032] And we're in love with our surroundings.

[1033] And we look over.

[1034] It's hitting us all at once.

[1035] We live in fucking California.

[1036] It's like the middle of the day and it's sunshine.

[1037] The water had never been more beautiful.

[1038] And lo and behold, and here's the thing about Dax and I, we really, we love animals.

[1039] And we assume that all animals love us.

[1040] And I've always, that's my whole life I've assumed that.

[1041] We look over and there's a goddamn seal walking towards us.

[1042] Beautiful seal.

[1043] Just a beautiful seal on the sand, a big beautiful seal hanging out.

[1044] And we're in a very loving.

[1045] mood.

[1046] Oh, my God.

[1047] Yeah.

[1048] And, and I think I'd already made out with Jess once at that point.

[1049] Once or twice.

[1050] Maybe more.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] Yeah.

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] Per his.

[1055] Of course.

[1056] I think that's why he always wanted you to do exorcise.

[1057] Smart.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] You want to kiss?

[1060] Yeah.

[1061] I don't care.

[1062] I was like, guys, can you knock it off?

[1063] There's a seal.

[1064] You're making the seal uncomfortable.

[1065] So of course, Dax and I think that the seal probably wants us to go over and say hi to it.

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] And then Dax did.

[1068] Well, I had this whole thought that, oh, a seal.

[1069] is in this moment.

[1070] I don't think this in this chair right now.

[1071] But in that moment, I was like, this thing's a dog.

[1072] Yeah.

[1073] Here's what you do to a dog.

[1074] You put your hand out so they can smell you.

[1075] It's got to sniff you.

[1076] Yes, it's got to sniff you.

[1077] And then it'll know your scent and be 100 % comfortable.

[1078] Yes.

[1079] And then you will snuggle this thing and scratch its belly.

[1080] And so I am getting closer and closer to the seal.

[1081] And there are many people who are watching the seal because it's a rare sighting to see the seal in the middle of the beach.

[1082] I think they're all so excited about what's what's about to happen.

[1083] Yes.

[1084] Some people are screaming, stay away from it.

[1085] I didn't hear that.

[1086] It became all clear in retrospect.

[1087] So I put my hand out and sure enough, it takes a couple sniffs.

[1088] And I'm like, it's supposed to.

[1089] Here we go.

[1090] And then it fucking just bites me twice.

[1091] Like snap, snap.

[1092] And then it goes, whet, whack, whack, wet.

[1093] And then it's yelling at me. Yeah, I wanted you to get the fuck away.

[1094] Yes.

[1095] And it probably always did.

[1096] And there are people, it's kind of split.

[1097] It was a divisive moment for the people on the beach because some people are going, that's how they say hi.

[1098] Like we're trying to put a positive spin on this, right?

[1099] And then the other half of the people are going, you got what you deserve to leave the wild animal.

[1100] Get away.

[1101] Yes.

[1102] And then so I had a horrible bite mark.

[1103] It tore up my thumb pretty good.

[1104] It was a puncture wound.

[1105] Yes, it was a deep puncture.

[1106] And the thing about a puncture wound is the goddamn thing's going to heal over and it's going to get infected.

[1107] That's right.

[1108] And that's the very first motherfucking thing I said to you.

[1109] And you were like, that's cool.

[1110] I'll take care of it.

[1111] I was like, I didn't have insurance, remember?

[1112] I know.

[1113] And there's no way I was going out of pocket for it.

[1114] For a seal bite.

[1115] I mean, I was like, this is not like, you know, you tripped and the tack is a little rusty.

[1116] It's a seal from the ocean.

[1117] Yes, yes.

[1118] You got to go get that looked at.

[1119] And this is the part of the story that people will simply not believe in that.

[1120] I'm fine with that.

[1121] But a few days later, I'm just randomly watching the evening news.

[1122] And there's a story about why these seals are coming up on the beach.

[1123] We were witnessing what was a phenomenon at that time.

[1124] They had an illness.

[1125] Yes, it was sick.

[1126] Yes, it put its sickness right into your hand.

[1127] Yes, and it got infected.

[1128] Of course it did.

[1129] I told you it was going to.

[1130] Yes, you were right.

[1131] And then how did I handle that?

[1132] Do you remember?

[1133] Yeah, you cut a big X in it with a knife.

[1134] With a butcher knife.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] And then got in there and clean things up.

[1137] The fact that I didn't, by the way, the scar is still very visible on my thumb as we sit here.

[1138] It's a great story.

[1139] But, but yeah, the fact that I didn't lose my thumb over this.

[1140] Or have it like start to travel up.

[1141] arm like a gray scale from Game of Thrones yeah yeah so and then um you know so i get bit by the seal then we go to the gold coast and i was in a very um and i'm sure you always found this amusing amusing i was sober then oh you were don't you remember i didn't drink oh right yes yes that kind of sober yeah right i knew i had a drinking problem yeah yeah but anything else was good yeah and i didn't think i had a drug problem that's right and i did have a drug problem it turns out yeah But that day, it was just a 10 for so many hours.

[1142] And then we go out to this restaurant.

[1143] And now we're all kind of coming down.

[1144] Yeah, that's not so good.

[1145] Very uncomfortable.

[1146] And then you and Jess are allowed to drink.

[1147] Yeah, we helped ourselves through it.

[1148] You got drunk and things were fine.

[1149] But I'm dealing with a seal injury and I'm coming off of this without any alcohol to help.

[1150] I also don't eat seafood.

[1151] Oh, yeah, right.

[1152] So it really did a 180.

[1153] You know, we should.

[1154] I just stayed home and written a sketch.

[1155] Yes.

[1156] And then so let's just quickly get it out there.

[1157] So I believe it is my theory.

[1158] I'm very well, may have been kicked out of the Sunday company because I simply wasn't talented enough.

[1159] I'm dead certain you and Josh were talented enough to stay around and go into the main company.

[1160] I think one of the issues in reflection is many, many of our sketches had you and I making out.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] I don't think anybody wanted to see.

[1164] it anymore.

[1165] No, no. And look, I will say they were very funny.

[1166] Yes, and we had a lot of successful sketches.

[1167] And it might not even have been the sketches where we were making out and it was required, but there were also some sketches where we were basically background players that we thought.

[1168] You know, it would be funny here.

[1169] We should just start making out.

[1170] It's funny.

[1171] Hoking up upstage, you know.

[1172] And at the time, I guess I just, I didn't have the.

[1173] Yeah, we were just trying to add to the.

[1174] scene.

[1175] Yes.

[1176] Yes.

[1177] You know.

[1178] Yeah.

[1179] And, you know, we both have big lips.

[1180] It felt like a real waste of Yeah.

[1181] Didn't one day it would have felt like disrespectful.

[1182] I would, I would hate to look back and think those were wasted years.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] I mean, I don't regret a second of it.

[1185] But I do sometimes think of some of the sketches we were making out.

[1186] And I'm like, this is that had to be.

[1187] Maybe that wasn't necessary.

[1188] And maybe not for the audience as much, but the groundlings itself is this community.

[1189] They didn't like that.

[1190] No. None of them are making out.

[1191] every sketch.

[1192] We clearly were.

[1193] And we're both in relationships.

[1194] Yeah.

[1195] I think it made people appropriately uncomfortable.

[1196] And look, I learned my lesson.

[1197] Did we?

[1198] You don't do that.

[1199] Okay.

[1200] Yeah, yeah.

[1201] We know not to do that.

[1202] We know not to do that.

[1203] Yeah, yeah.

[1204] But again, certainly not in someone else's sketch.

[1205] No, no. And if I go, but if I have a time machine, I do the same thing for sure because I don't regret it.

[1206] Right.

[1207] And then, and then also I'll add, we were kind of a click.

[1208] But I didn't think of us as a click, you, Josh and I, but we hung out the most and we were kind of a click.

[1209] And I think that was probably polarizing for folks.

[1210] Yeah, I think, look, at a certain point, it was very, very challenging to write seven new sketches a week.

[1211] And at that point, I think by that second year Sunday company, I was doing the Drew Carey show.

[1212] So there were times when I was actually working.

[1213] And I would still be expected to bring in seven to ten sketches.

[1214] And I was trying, but I just didn't have the time.

[1215] And so it was easier to write with people who I was, with whom I was more prolific.

[1216] Prolific.

[1217] Because I, these kissing sketches, they just wrote themselves.

[1218] They really did.

[1219] And they were funny every time.

[1220] It was a great go -to.

[1221] Yeah, everyone started like, okay, lights up.

[1222] We're kissing.

[1223] Right.

[1224] You know what it was?

[1225] It was a callback.

[1226] And that's a classic comedy thing.

[1227] Holy shit.

[1228] How embarrassing.

[1229] It's so great.

[1230] Whatever.

[1231] It was fun.

[1232] I loved the groundlings.

[1233] I loved the training.

[1234] I loved those two years.

[1235] And I hated getting kicked out.

[1236] And by the way, for everyone out there who doesn't quite know what it is, everybody either gets kicked out or becomes a main company grounding member.

[1237] So most people are getting kicked out.

[1238] We probably just should have stayed in for a couple more years.

[1239] Had we been doing what we were supposed to be doing.

[1240] Yes.

[1241] And we're not making out all the time.

[1242] And then if I take some even some more responsibility, I have this alpha chip on my shoulder.

[1243] So I had a very hard time, like paying homage to the people ahead of me, like the other men.

[1244] I felt like I was a little confrontational with some of those.

[1245] But I would say that I took it and I believe Josh did too, harder than you did and that's probably because you were on a pretty good path of working I took it really really hard for about two days and then I felt liberated I was so relieved to not have to because honestly I learned so much and I wrote so many sketches that I was proud of but the fact that I was forced to write seven to ten there was so much shit that I was writing that I wasn't I'm too much of a perfectionist for that I would rather sit down and belabor one thing and work on it and turn it into something great before I show anyone.

[1246] Yeah.

[1247] So it was very hard for me to go up there and do 10 mediocre things rather than two really great things.

[1248] So I was relieved to not have to put myself through all of that anymore.

[1249] I think maybe for me because I had not gone to college and acted there, I had no success having done any of that, I learned to act on that stage.

[1250] Yeah.

[1251] Having passed those levels was such a source of self -esteem and confidence for me and pride that I really became reliant on that.

[1252] And then when I stopped passing those levels, which is basically what happened, it freaked me out.

[1253] Yeah, that was your acting class.

[1254] Yes.

[1255] Yeah.

[1256] And then as luck would have it, yeah, punk got ordered right when I got kicked out.

[1257] So I was like, oh, thank God, this happened.

[1258] But it took me a long time to kind of get over it.

[1259] Have you gone back to do a show there?

[1260] No. I did.

[1261] I'm so bad at improv now.

[1262] It's fucking embarrassing.

[1263] That's the thing is that I, again, I, and this is something I don't like about myself, but I'm way, way, way too hard on myself.

[1264] I'm too much of a perfectionist and I only like improvising when I'm in the middle of a scene that's already funny like on my show now.

[1265] Right.

[1266] I love improvising in that situation.

[1267] I do not like improv games.

[1268] I don't know what I'm going to say.

[1269] It makes me scared.

[1270] I also feel like now I would go and every single fucking person the audience would be like, oh my God, this is going to be so funny and all I'm going to do is let them down.

[1271] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1272] But okay, so Drew Carey's a big thing for you.

[1273] That was really exciting from the outside when I was watching it because he was a very generous, nice person and he was very inclusive and made you feel part of that team right and then took you on a USO tour which I remember being so jealous of yeah that was really cool um and I mean the tour itself was great uh again it's just a very recurring thing I felt very insecure I we were doing improv they they all had worked so well together before I came along they were doing whose line is it anyway and all that stuff and then I kind of inserted myself and and I wasn't from the UCB um school of thought so that they're kind of a different different thing and they also you know it's like playing in a brand new band and not being that great at your instrument and just trying to like do your own thing so I just sort of felt like oh I'm just here because I'm like the girl and once I figured that out I was like great I'll just be I'll be the girl part of this and just I was in my place and and and so now here's where I will really layer on the compliments about your mom is your mom's a very strong outspoken confident lady from my perspective and she's a bit of a feminist yeah and so and you are as well in the greatest way possible when you've had to as you say like oh I'm the girl here what what what what is that um does it come with reservation or you you're you're confident enough and you go who gives a fuck that I got a someone needs to play the saxophone and I got one it was what it was at that point and I loved the USO tour side of it so I was fine to go and do that we went over Thanksgiving.

[1274] I met troops.

[1275] You were in a bikini the whole time, right?

[1276] Well, I told you I was supposed to be the girl.

[1277] It's also like comedy in general or historically, there is this kind of competitive masculine.

[1278] It's very competitive.

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] And this might also just be my, they might hear this and be like, what?

[1281] No, you weren't.

[1282] Sure.

[1283] This might all be me. I just was feeling outnumbered.

[1284] And that's so important to think about because when you feel a certain way, the only data that you then receive is confirming that your hunch is right.

[1285] Totally.

[1286] Yeah.

[1287] So you're like missing probably a bunch of great stuff.

[1288] Yeah.

[1289] They were probably lobbing things at me. They think I suck.

[1290] So if they go like, why don't you enter third, which has nothing to do with anything, of course I'm going to enter third because I suck, right?

[1291] Yeah.

[1292] Yeah.

[1293] I was just, I was very insecure.

[1294] But again, it wasn't my wheelhouse.

[1295] That wasn't the thing that I loved to do.

[1296] So right.

[1297] So what's this, what's the secret ingredient that has you, often in those situations, feeling insecure, not competent enough to do it, yet you show up and do it?

[1298] Is it like a fear of failure that's so strong that you're like, well, fuck, I might fail at this, but if I don't do this, I'm certainly going to fail overall.

[1299] So it's a zero -sum risk.

[1300] I think I know that I don't have any doubt that I'm talented or funny.

[1301] I have real hang -ups about improv games in particular.

[1302] Okay.

[1303] Because I want to know ahead of time that it's going to be funny because I know what I'm going to do.

[1304] So, like, doing curb, that's a whole different story because I know my character, I know what's going on.

[1305] You have a beat sheet to the scene, right?

[1306] So you know what's supposed to go.

[1307] No one's relying on me to move the story forward.

[1308] I already know the story.

[1309] I just have to worry about, like, my character and my dialogue.

[1310] Yeah.

[1311] That's like, I'll take it from there.

[1312] If I have to figure out the other stuff, I want you to leave me alone with a pen and paper and sit down and I'll come up with a funny story.

[1313] Yeah.

[1314] And so then after that, you get this show, which I can't imagine anyone in the world thought was going to be anything when you got it, which is it's always sunny in Philadelphia.

[1315] Yeah.

[1316] How do you get that?

[1317] And how do you come to know those boys and eventually make love to one of them?

[1318] One of them.

[1319] Oh, so presumptuous of me. I'm sorry.

[1320] So I did this show.

[1321] I got cast in this like hidden camera.

[1322] No, it was like a sketch.

[1323] Oh, meet the bonkers.

[1324] Yeah.

[1325] I did that.

[1326] And then I was like, I don't want to like punk people because I feel really mean.

[1327] How dare you.

[1328] Sorry.

[1329] It was kind of what I was doing.

[1330] It was very funny what you were doing.

[1331] I would have actually killed people on TV just to be on TV at that point.

[1332] No. I get it.

[1333] So did I. The Meet the March.

[1334] I would have 69 seniors or something for a show.

[1335] I totally understand.

[1336] And then I did that.

[1337] I did a show called Kelsey Gramer Presents the Sketch Show.

[1338] It was Paula Tompkins, Marilyn Rice, they took us to England.

[1339] They told us we were going to be making the American version.

[1340] of a British sketch show.

[1341] Do you remember that?

[1342] I've forgotten.

[1343] And I think I was there for like three months.

[1344] And once we got there, we were like, okay, so we feel like if we change this up here and they were like, no, no, we're just going to do it how it is.

[1345] And we were like, oh, no. No, we're not because this isn't funny.

[1346] You wanted us to make me. Anyway, I came back and I remember thinking, okay, I'm not going to take anything just to take it because I was in the same place.

[1347] I just wanted to be on TV and do stuff.

[1348] Yeah.

[1349] And I was like, forget it.

[1350] I'll live in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life.

[1351] I just want to do something that is.

[1352] fulfilling where I feel like I'm doing something special.

[1353] So that was the pilot season where I read Sunny and I loved it.

[1354] It was on a network I had barely heard of.

[1355] Wasn't a network.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] It was like what?

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] There's an X in this.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] Nip tuck maybe.

[1362] Nip tuck maybe.

[1363] Yeah.

[1364] I think so.

[1365] Nip tuck in the shield.

[1366] I think that was it.

[1367] So I auditioned for it.

[1368] I loved it.

[1369] I read a couple scripts and I said I wanted to do it.

[1370] But they had written, I told the story many times, but they had They didn't have D. They didn't really have her yet.

[1371] So every other part was written really well.

[1372] And then, yeah.

[1373] So my audition scene was actually they had taken a Dennis and Charlie scene.

[1374] Oh.

[1375] But typed it up as D and Charlie.

[1376] So I got to, my audition was with Charlie.

[1377] Oh, that's great.

[1378] I didn't know that.

[1379] And you thought you were stepping into some sweet.

[1380] Yeah, I found out like before we started shooting, that wasn't even my scene.

[1381] I was like, hold on thing.

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] So I told Rob, Rob called me. I remember I was at the dog park and he asked me if I wanted to do it.

[1384] Rob McElhenney.

[1385] And I said I would, but he clearly could write really well and that I would do it if he would write the D role really well.

[1386] Yeah.

[1387] And he said what?

[1388] He said that was absolutely their intention and that they just wanted to cast it first.

[1389] And did that immediately happen or did that take time as well?

[1390] Well, so four episodes had already been written.

[1391] So I kind of had to swallow that.

[1392] So the first four.

[1393] And, you know, they were still funny.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] But yeah, it happened immediately after that.

[1396] Right.

[1397] Yeah.

[1398] And he could have just been saying that.

[1399] that.

[1400] Oh yeah, I've been told that a million times.

[1401] And then how soon after it airs are you like, are, you know, people are noticing you, you're like, six years.

[1402] Maybe five.

[1403] I'm not kidding.

[1404] That's not what I was expecting.

[1405] Yeah.

[1406] Yeah.

[1407] But you're, you're, you're, you're grateful, though.

[1408] So grateful.

[1409] Oh, I loved it.

[1410] I was, we were in heaven.

[1411] So season one, nobody watched it.

[1412] Right.

[1413] Right.

[1414] The network came to, I'm going to say us, but I had nothing to do with this.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] Now it would be us, but then it wasn't us.

[1417] Came to Robin Charlie and Glenn and said, all right, well, no one's watching it, but we love it.

[1418] And the people who are watching it really love it.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] So we want to do another season, but we want you to cast, like, write in an extra character.

[1421] And they want them to be a famous person so we can draw numbers.

[1422] And they were like, no, absolutely not.

[1423] Oh, the guy said.

[1424] Yeah, that would ruin what we have.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] We do not have that dynamic at all.

[1427] Yeah, that's a very jarring suggestion.

[1428] For the type of show that it was, you know, really gritty, just like four friends, running a bar.

[1429] Also, the appeal of it is like you've never seen these people.

[1430] These are real people.

[1431] There's a very similitude to the whole thing that's going to get shot out of a can of now.

[1432] Yeah, it was a terrible idea to them.

[1433] And they were like, we don't want to do that.

[1434] And they were like, okay, cool.

[1435] Well, then you're going to have to, you know, make your show somewhere else.

[1436] Like, that's our fix for this.

[1437] Right.

[1438] We like it and believe in it, but no one's watching it.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] So they tossed around a bunch of names and thought of Danny and went and happened.

[1441] The guys did or the network did?

[1442] Both, I think.

[1443] Okay.

[1444] I think John actually came to them with Danny's name because he knew he knew Danny.

[1445] Yeah.

[1446] And did you get a DeVito bump?

[1447] People did start watching it, but still not that many people.

[1448] I only know because I know that for a good four or five years, John Landgraf just really believed in the show and kept bringing us back.

[1449] And he's a very cool dude as far as.

[1450] He's such an amazing man and he's so smart.

[1451] He's the president of FX?

[1452] Is that what he is?

[1453] Yeah.

[1454] And now you look at their content, and I just think they have such amazing stuff.

[1455] Oh, yeah.

[1456] And he's totally a champion of someone's vision.

[1457] Absolutely.

[1458] So he's incredible.

[1459] It really is.

[1460] And to get into the business side of it, which is kind of interesting to folks that don't know, it kind of came around at the perfect time because, again, there's so many networks.

[1461] You can have a smaller audience.

[1462] That can be enough.

[1463] And then the show happened to do very well overseas, right?

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] It was very sellable in many, many territories.

[1466] and it was a very inexpensive show to make so that a model existed to make this thing makes sense for FX, which is very lucky, just timing -wise, I'd imagine.

[1467] Yeah, and I think they were one of the first people to, because you can't explain tone in a meeting, Rob was like, I just want to shoot something and just show it to you.

[1468] So he shot a version of the pilot first and just showed it to them.

[1469] Yeah, which is a cool way to.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] So yeah, let's just talk about Rob for a second, because I have the biggest crush in the world on him, as you know.

[1472] Me too.

[1473] I think you even text him, like, I don't love that you love my husband more than me now.

[1474] Yeah, I did.

[1475] I said that was a couple of years ago.

[1476] That really bothered me. Still does.

[1477] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1478] But as you sit here, I don't think I love him more than me. Okay, good, good, good, good.

[1479] Thank you.

[1480] You know what, though?

[1481] You came in here, just fucking flip -flop all over the place.

[1482] I really do.

[1483] I'm okay with that.

[1484] But how soon after you guys start working together where you're like, hmm, I like this guy?

[1485] So, definitely not right away.

[1486] Halfway through the first season, talk about like types.

[1487] He just, first of all, when, And I met him.

[1488] He wasn't a rapper.

[1489] No, he was not a beefy rapper.

[1490] He was not a big, dumb meathead.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] He didn't wear Stussy.

[1493] No. Oh, not killing him.

[1494] You made a mistake.

[1495] You blew it.

[1496] He was just so easily in charge.

[1497] Yeah, yeah.

[1498] He's an effortless kind of leader.

[1499] He really just has a vision and he's just a wonderful boss and he's a collaborator.

[1500] but at the end of the day, he's very comfortable taking in information and then just making a decision.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] Yeah, he's a real internal confidence, which is, I hate him for that.

[1503] Huge.

[1504] When he looks in the mirror, he does see Brad Pitt, I think.

[1505] When he absolutely does, and he'll tell you that.

[1506] Yeah, and this is back when he weighed 40 pounds less.

[1507] Uh -huh.

[1508] I mean, he was cute, but he was super cute with a little boy.

[1509] I would hug him and my arms would wrap all the way around him and then back to myself.

[1510] I was like, I can't be in love with him, but I just was.

[1511] Yeah.

[1512] Yeah, I just, and then he's like a real twinkly smile.

[1513] He has a great smile.

[1514] He has a ton of character, right?

[1515] Like, he's a principled man. He has more discipline than any person I know.

[1516] He also is like a very evolved person, right?

[1517] So he's like very pro gay rights, even though he's like a Philadelphia dude with tattoos who's Benin Bar fights.

[1518] He's very embracing of everyone, right?

[1519] Yeah.

[1520] That's attractive.

[1521] He's just a dude.

[1522] He just likes, he's.

[1523] It wants everyone to be happy.

[1524] His mom is gay.

[1525] His brother is gay.

[1526] So I think that probably helped.

[1527] But he just, yeah, he just, everyone just do what you want to do and don't, you know, hurt people.

[1528] And then I'm fine with it.

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] So you're starting to notice he's kind of a boss and everything.

[1531] And then you're slowly getting attracted to him.

[1532] But you're like, but wait, I can't be attracted to him.

[1533] He's not my type.

[1534] Yeah.

[1535] When does it get blurry as fuck?

[1536] Well, you know, anytime you go to a fox party or something where there's alcohol, a haul involved.

[1537] A couple cocktails.

[1538] Then I would just like sneak in there.

[1539] You got to ask him the story.

[1540] It's very embarrassing.

[1541] I just, I was, he was not.

[1542] Did you make the moves, I guess?

[1543] You did.

[1544] Yeah.

[1545] But he also like scared me. So it was just very awkward.

[1546] Just awkward moves.

[1547] I remember going to a game night at Charlie and Mary Elizabeth.

[1548] And he was there.

[1549] And I had been drinking because that's how I handled being nervous around him.

[1550] And I would just like move into like, like sit at the game and like back up in between his legs.

[1551] Nice.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] And like move myself into his leg.

[1554] He was like, what, what are he doing?

[1555] But like, that's the other thing about Robbie's unbelievably direct.

[1556] Yes.

[1557] Just honest to a fault.

[1558] Not afraid of competition.

[1559] Not at all.

[1560] No. Just flat out.

[1561] What are you doing.

[1562] Right.

[1563] Oh, God.

[1564] What I think I know about your like past and people you dated in the past.

[1565] I think, how long have you guys been together like 12 years?

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] Yeah.

[1568] Yeah.

[1569] 11, 12.

[1570] And you and I. both, we made kind of a radical departure from what we had always been with at around the same time.

[1571] Yeah.

[1572] And so I'd never really dated anyone like Kristen who was, you know, an eternal optimist, just a good person, did the right thing.

[1573] Her heart is, I don't know how effortlessly makes the right decision.

[1574] And believes in people, all these things that I were so counter to me. Yeah.

[1575] And then I slowly like couldn't argue with the results.

[1576] And it kind of I kind of broke down my worldview in the best way.

[1577] She never pressured me to.

[1578] I just started going, oh, she moves through life a lot smoother than I do.

[1579] She's happier.

[1580] Things are easier.

[1581] And she's rewarded.

[1582] So like she doesn't give a fuck about money.

[1583] She gives it to everyone.

[1584] And yet it's just cascading back towards her.

[1585] And I'm like, no, you got to hoard it.

[1586] I know.

[1587] You got to do your own surgery.

[1588] I love that so much.

[1589] It's true.

[1590] You are a much different, I mean, you're still you, but you're a much different person than you were before.

[1591] Hope for the better.

[1592] Yeah.

[1593] amazing when I think about, you know, when she show, this is so shameful when, you know, I lived in a house by myself when we met.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] I didn't know what to do.

[1596] Yeah.

[1597] So I had photos of stills from movies I had done every, everywhere.

[1598] Yeah.

[1599] Yeah.

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] Yeah.

[1602] You didn't know.

[1603] And I didn't know.

[1604] I gave them to you so you thought you were supposed to put them up.

[1605] And I was proud.

[1606] I was like, in my judge movie.

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] Yeah.

[1609] And, uh, and so she came over and she's like looking around.

[1610] She goes, hmm, a lot of pictures of yourself.

[1611] But like, in my defense, I don't have a dog.

[1612] I I don't have a girlfriend.

[1613] Who else would be in these photos?

[1614] Yeah.

[1615] But when I think about it, how embarrassing to walk into someone's house and it's just photos of them.

[1616] Pictures of themselves.

[1617] Oh my God.

[1618] That's so cute, but you didn't know.

[1619] No, you know.

[1620] I didn't know.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] I drove like a crazy loud car.

[1623] I mean, there's so many things going.

[1624] Real dude.

[1625] So what things about Rob, I mean, I can think of one in particular where he just said to you, look, I'm not a jealous person.

[1626] Mm -hmm.

[1627] I'm not going to micromanage you.

[1628] Mm -hmm.

[1629] If you cheat on me, that's the last time you'll talk to me. Right.

[1630] And that's how this is going to move forward.

[1631] It was very attractive.

[1632] Right.

[1633] Yeah.

[1634] Totally.

[1635] And what a great way to go through life too.

[1636] I mean, it's the same.

[1637] Here are my boundaries.

[1638] This is what it is.

[1639] And also, I do not need to bend over backwards to be anything for you to keep you from doing anything.

[1640] Like, this is just who I am.

[1641] Yeah.

[1642] And this is how it's going to be for me. Yeah.

[1643] And it was very attractive.

[1644] That was much later though.

[1645] Like he, it took him a while to realize it was a very interesting dynamic.

[1646] Like once I fell in love with him, I realized that I was deeply in love with him in a way that I hadn't been in love with anyone before.

[1647] And we started like secretly dating and he really just wanted it to be casual.

[1648] And I was like, okay.

[1649] And I had this for some reason, uncharacteristic confidence because I was like, this person is completely in love with me and he has no idea.

[1650] It was weird.

[1651] Yeah, you're just kind of waiting for him to come online.

[1652] He had no idea.

[1653] But I was like, cool.

[1654] It was, but it was no problem for me. It was like, all right.

[1655] You were able to just stay casual and confident.

[1656] Yeah, and it wasn't even like a game.

[1657] It was just like, oh, you don't know.

[1658] You have no idea that, like, you're completely unloading.

[1659] How cute.

[1660] That's so cute.

[1661] Oh, this is so cute.

[1662] You don't even know.

[1663] You want to just have it be casual and just like date.

[1664] And yet you're calling me every Friday night.

[1665] You're spending the night.

[1666] You're staying through Saturday.

[1667] And then, yeah, just stay Saturday night.

[1668] And then you see me at work on Monday morning.

[1669] Right.

[1670] It was great, though, because he lived with Glenn at the time.

[1671] And this was all a secret.

[1672] Yeah, in Venice.

[1673] This is, I think, when I met him.

[1674] Yeah.

[1675] And Glenn didn't know what was going on.

[1676] And Glenn would come to work jealous and be like, God, Rob is just like, he's just out there at bars, just like meeting people.

[1677] Fucking every bar he goes to.

[1678] He goes and spends the night at their house.

[1679] He thinks he's with like another gal every night.

[1680] Yeah, yeah.

[1681] Oh, my God.

[1682] That's great.

[1683] How long was it a secret?

[1684] The, all of the second season.

[1685] So it was so fun to have this secret.

[1686] It was so much fun.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] And terrifying.

[1689] Uh -huh.

[1690] We were so scared.

[1691] They were going to hate us.

[1692] I mean, I don't think he cared.

[1693] Yeah, I care.

[1694] You cared, yeah.

[1695] And then when did you get married?

[1696] I went to your wedding and I hate weddings.

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] And I cried.

[1699] I cried at your wedding.

[1700] Yeah, we catered our wedding to people like ourselves who hate weddings.

[1701] Yeah, it was at this fantastic property up in Malibu in there.

[1702] Did I imagine there's a giraffe when you drive?

[1703] There were wild animals, right?

[1704] There were wild animals.

[1705] Yeah.

[1706] Maybe a giraffe, maybe not.

[1707] I don't know.

[1708] Let's say there was because it's awesome.

[1709] Yeah.

[1710] Suffice to say it's like this person who owns this property.

[1711] property takes in exotic animals.

[1712] Sure.

[1713] So it was like a winery.

[1714] And then there were animals.

[1715] Slash giraffe habitat.

[1716] We were told.

[1717] Sanctuary.

[1718] We were told afterwards that a white stallion galloped past as we were saying our vows, which we didn't see because it was behind.

[1719] Oh, really?

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] So I guess.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] So I'm like, oh, fuck a wedding.

[1724] It's 10 hours away in Malibu, blah, blah, blah.

[1725] I don't want to be there.

[1726] And I get there.

[1727] I'm like, ooh, a giraffe again.

[1728] I think there was a giraffe.

[1729] And then we sit down, I'm like, oh, Josh is here.

[1730] So it's getting good.

[1731] It's getting good.

[1732] And I fucking see your dad walking you down the aisle.

[1733] What song is playing?

[1734] So we had a gospel choir that you might be, the song as, Stevie Wonder as.

[1735] The gospel choir started the whole thing off.

[1736] But then it was a different like gospely song that I don't even remember the name of.

[1737] Yeah.

[1738] I just want to add this because it seems relevant.

[1739] You and I have always had an almost identical musical taste.

[1740] Yeah.

[1741] Just remember I was, that's what we were with Maxwell?

[1742] Yeah.

[1743] I listened to that recently.

[1744] I was watching the episode where Dee gives birth because Dee was pregnant on the show when I was pregnant with Axel.

[1745] And it's all slow motion, the song that's playing.

[1746] This woman's work or something?

[1747] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1748] Is that right person, right?

[1749] Yeah.

[1750] Oh, man. Yeah, we really like that and we really liked a cold play that was coming out at the time, right?

[1751] Yellow, yellow.

[1752] Yeah.

[1753] Maybe I liked it more than you.

[1754] You liked it a little bit more than me, but I pretended to like it because it made you happy.

[1755] Yeah.

[1756] We had a good thing.

[1757] I appreciate that.

[1758] So your dad's walking you down the aisle.

[1759] And I'm just staring at his face.

[1760] And he was so.

[1761] It was a lot for me to handle.

[1762] Yeah.

[1763] Yeah.

[1764] And now you have two little girls.

[1765] I know.

[1766] And I aspire to be a dad like he is.

[1767] I want them to like me and want me to walk.

[1768] They will.

[1769] And in fact, I had to call my father -in -law and apologize that we got married at the courthouse.

[1770] Because when we got married at the courthouse, Lincoln was three months old.

[1771] And I wasn't really thinking yet.

[1772] But now the thought, the thought of Lincoln getting married and me not getting to watch it is fucking heartbreaking.

[1773] And I was like, oh, you don't even think of that before you have kids.

[1774] Right.

[1775] Yeah.

[1776] And I was like, that wasn't very cool.

[1777] I'm sorry.

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] I shouldn't have robbed you of seeing that, you know, because of my own frugality and not wanting attention.

[1780] You're really, you're really evolving.

[1781] I'm proud of you.

[1782] I've gotten looser with the strings.

[1783] Yeah.

[1784] I will say this about me because we're painting a bad picture of me. I am generous with friends.

[1785] Would you say that, Monica?

[1786] Yeah.

[1787] Yeah, you're extremely generous.

[1788] You always have been.

[1789] But I'll kill myself.

[1790] Like, I won't spend anything on yourself.

[1791] I will not.

[1792] I listen to that.

[1793] What's the app?

[1794] We all like, Pandora.

[1795] What is it?

[1796] 99 cents a month?

[1797] Yeah.

[1798] Not for me. You can't do it.

[1799] No, I'll listen to a thousand commercials.

[1800] Won't do it.

[1801] Okay, so anyways, the great news about all the, it's always sunny, it's a huge success financially, and it's great for you guys.

[1802] And you could have just done that for the rest of it.

[1803] of your life, right?

[1804] I mean, you couldn't creatively, maybe.

[1805] Yeah.

[1806] No, not creative.

[1807] I mean, I love it.

[1808] The great thing for me is that I do that job two months out of the year.

[1809] So it's a perfect job because I have so much fun.

[1810] All I do is act.

[1811] I have no other responsibilities.

[1812] I play around with my friends.

[1813] And, yeah.

[1814] But, you know, for Rob financially, he owns a big piece of the show.

[1815] So, yeah.

[1816] Well, he told me you own a little piece too.

[1817] I do now, yeah.

[1818] year seven or something.

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] I'm hip to what's going on.

[1821] Wow.

[1822] You're really nice stuff.

[1823] Yeah.

[1824] I do my research.

[1825] I've been only hanging out with Rob for the last 10 years just for this interview.

[1826] But what brings you to do the Mick?

[1827] Well, when I was on Sunny, before I had kids, I was loving it, but I was just working a couple months out of the year and wanted to keep working.

[1828] Then I had kids and it was a really great place to be because I didn't want to work.

[1829] I wanted to be a mom.

[1830] So, you know, four or five years ago by and my kids are now grown up and in preschool.

[1831] And John and Dave came to me with this idea.

[1832] You're like drinking wine with omelets in the morning while they're at school.

[1833] Of course I am.

[1834] Yeah.

[1835] That's what moms in L .A. dude.

[1836] Sure, sure.

[1837] After your trainer leaves.

[1838] Right.

[1839] I don't actually work out.

[1840] We just wear the clothes to look like we're going to.

[1841] That's the move.

[1842] You get into your workout clothes for school drop off and then you go home.

[1843] Then pop the cork.

[1844] Yeah.

[1845] No, I didn't know that I wanted to take on.

[1846] two things at a time, but I just really loved the script.

[1847] Right.

[1848] And I loved the idea of producing it and being, having some creative control over it.

[1849] And how much of it has panned out to be as fun as you thought?

[1850] And how much of it's like, why did I fucking sign up for this?

[1851] It's a lot of work.

[1852] It's just night and day.

[1853] It's a completely different thing because, but I mean, it's great and I love it.

[1854] But I'm very excited to go back to Sunny in a month and just act.

[1855] Yeah, I had that experience recently too.

[1856] like after chips I then went and did this Netflix movie and I got there I was like wait let me get the straight I got to stand on that dot and say some lines in front of the camera and that's yeah and I don't give a fuck if the set catches on fire is not my problem it's liberating so relaxing because you know it's not like you go home at the end of the day and then just like chill out you're producing something you're thinking about it constantly yeah and you've got to watch the edit and you got to do all that stuff right yeah and I'm like kind of an acting coach too so even when I'm in a scene with someone we've had to figure out how to shoot it so that I can, because I'm, I'm trying to act and watch his acting.

[1857] Sure.

[1858] And take notes so that I can remember when we cut to give him.

[1859] It's just, it's a lot.

[1860] My brain's just never been so full.

[1861] Yeah.

[1862] And for folks who haven't seen the Mick, just if you watch the pilot, your performance is so, do you remember Monica, we watched it together?

[1863] I was fucking on the floor.

[1864] I really was.

[1865] I would compare you to.

[1866] No, he rewound apart like four times.

[1867] When you come to in the four -year, I don't know what's happening with your eyes or something, but I couldn't get enough of it.

[1868] And I can only compare it to Elaine from Seinfeld.

[1869] Oh, that's so nice.

[1870] Julia -Louis -Dreyfus.

[1871] Yeah, Julia Louise Dreyfus, who has this uncanny talent for being super believable, crazy over -the -top when it calls for it.

[1872] And just everything, attractive.

[1873] All the things are there.

[1874] It's really, you're so fucking good in it.

[1875] And I'm glad that you, A, got the chance to just do that.

[1876] And that B, you fucking showed up and went for it.

[1877] Thank you.

[1878] When you were doing it, it would feel awesome?

[1879] Yeah.

[1880] John and Dave Churnin wrote on Sunny for a few years.

[1881] Okay.

[1882] And when they wrote that, they kind of wrote it for me. So I do think they were kind of writing it to stuff that they liked watching me do.

[1883] Yeah, yeah.

[1884] But I did.

[1885] You know, that pilot, we made so many changes.

[1886] And, you know, they listened and they took my notes and they worked with Fox.

[1887] and took their notes.

[1888] And I feel like it ended up being a really good pilot, which if you haven't read pilots, yeah, it's very hard to do.

[1889] It's very hard to introduce that many characters and have it make sense and not be really expository.

[1890] And, yeah, I was really proud of the pilot.

[1891] Yeah, it's straight into the funny even while you're learning about who these people are.

[1892] Yeah, great.

[1893] Thank you.

[1894] Now, so it's a ton of work.

[1895] Yeah.

[1896] Do you wrestle like Kristen does in almost every mom I know?

[1897] do you have this like you're guilty if you're just at home with your kids because you're not pursuing your work and then if you're at work you're guilty that you're not at home being a mom yeah and I will I will go a step further and say that I am guilty when I'm home with them and don't need to go back to work but feel like oh god I love them so much but is this all there is because and that's just that's the truth and I don't think that's one of the things that people talk about it's like yeah I especially in our line of work What we're doing, we're kind of constantly getting rewarded.

[1898] Yeah.

[1899] And, you know, if you're doing it.

[1900] Well, you start and you've got to make a funny three -minute scene.

[1901] Yeah.

[1902] And it's not there.

[1903] You have to invent it.

[1904] Yeah.

[1905] You have to create it.

[1906] Yeah.

[1907] And then if you do it, the wash of just the sensation of having succeeded at that is so rewarding.

[1908] Yeah.

[1909] And great feedback.

[1910] And it all feels good.

[1911] Approval, approval.

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] And so then when I go home, I get to do bedtime.

[1914] I'm really excited and we have this great night.

[1915] and it's all wonderful and then I get to go back to work the next day and then maybe the next morning I'm doing breakfast and getting them off to school and I'm very patient and it all goes well and it's wonderful because I get to go back to work and then you're not working anymore and then you're home doing all that stuff and then the patience is much lower because you don't get to escape in a couple of days and go, you know, like it's just a constant balance of I again like I want to be a perfect mom just like I want to be a perfect actor so it's just a lot of, there's a lot of pressure and I feel I don't ever want to be not there for them when they're needing me and yeah it's it's it's hard but i think that's like that for any industry i can't say it's just yeah and as someone who um has maybe this isn't the right word to say but like control issues that you're more comfortable if you can control things a lot and kids are just they're ultimately uncontrollable does that trigger your anxiety yeah yeah yeah yeah and my i i have a lot of anxiety and i i mean before kids i would get nervous and um I'm anxious before auditions.

[1916] I never knew what anxiety was until I had kids.

[1917] That is when something's wrong with them or I can't be there to fix it or I can't figure out how to fix it.

[1918] I'm just like it sends my micromanaging controlling into like hyperspeed.

[1919] Uh -huh.

[1920] And yeah, it's very uncomfortable, right?

[1921] And do you ever get resentful because guys are just completely freed of that?

[1922] Yeah.

[1923] Like I don't feel guilty.

[1924] have to go work.

[1925] When I'm at work, I'm like, fuck yeah, look at this.

[1926] I'm on spring break.

[1927] I can enjoy it.

[1928] And then when I'm at home, I think I'm a really good dad and I'm super involved.

[1929] And I'm not bummed about not being at work, whatever, because there's no, you know, my ego's not attached to any of that stuff because society allows me to not.

[1930] Right.

[1931] You get resentful at all like that.

[1932] Say Rob probably can just guilt free, just.

[1933] I don't get resentful.

[1934] I get jealous.

[1935] I really respect it.

[1936] And I feel like there's a way for me to be able to do that.

[1937] I just haven't been able to figure it out.

[1938] It's true.

[1939] I don't know what that is biologically, but it really does seem to be.

[1940] I bet there's a biological component.

[1941] There's got to be.

[1942] And then there's a very huge societal component, right?

[1943] Because I bet when you're, I've noticed, I just started noticing this a few years ago, maybe with Amy Poehler or something.

[1944] But do you find when you're on red carpets, you get the question?

[1945] How do you manage with two kids?

[1946] Nobody asks Rob how he manages.

[1947] Nobody.

[1948] No. No one's ever asked me that.

[1949] I've done a thousand interviews and they don't go.

[1950] How do you?

[1951] And also, that's sort of insulting to you, too, I would imagine.

[1952] because you're a very active.

[1953] Maybe you're not, but I feel like.

[1954] I can say what.

[1955] You do bedtime.

[1956] You do, you know, you brush their hair.

[1957] Yes.

[1958] I take them to school.

[1959] Yeah.

[1960] Teaching ride dirt bikes before they're supposed to.

[1961] That's adorable.

[1962] But yeah, I don't, there's never, no one is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.

[1963] Is, is, um, suggesting that maybe I'm not doing my parental, uh, duties by working.

[1964] Right.

[1965] And Kristen gets asked it all the time.

[1966] I'm sure you get asked it all the time.

[1967] All the time.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] It's really bullshit.

[1970] shit.

[1971] Yeah, I don't like it.

[1972] Yeah, it's, I think it's, like I said, I think it's insulting to both people.

[1973] It's also insulting to like a progressive marriage because I'll say, well, he's writing right now.

[1974] So if I can't be there for bedtime, Rob's there.

[1975] It's important to me that my nannies aren't putting my kids to bed and getting up with them in the morning.

[1976] So if I'm not there for bedtime, he's there for bedtime.

[1977] And everyone's always like, oh, that's so nice that he'll do, or he doesn't, like, what he's, he's their dad.

[1978] Yes.

[1979] Well, even there's a weird, there's, Like, you know, you can learn so much about a culture just by the language they use, right?

[1980] And so, yeah, guys, and I'll see them tweet this.

[1981] Like, oh, I had to babysit on Saturday.

[1982] My wife was like, no. Who paid you?

[1983] That's not what you're, you're not babysitting.

[1984] You're fucking parenting.

[1985] No, and say it.

[1986] I had to watch my kids and I didn't want to.

[1987] And that happens sometimes.

[1988] Absolutely.

[1989] Yeah, yeah.

[1990] And so what techniques do you employ to help?

[1991] Like, because you can't just be stuck in this situation.

[1992] then hope that you're going to wake up without anxiety one morning, right?

[1993] That's not going to happen.

[1994] You're going to have to probably take some actions or something.

[1995] We talk about it a lot.

[1996] I mean, I think talking about it with him helps a lot.

[1997] I tried Lexapro for a while.

[1998] How'd that go?

[1999] It was great.

[2000] It was great.

[2001] But what it did was allow me to see the difference between being on it and being off of it.

[2002] So at least, and I kind of just don't want to live my life on medication.

[2003] So I am not on it anymore.

[2004] And now I can recognize when it's happening and at least like, take, just take a step back.

[2005] I know when it's coming on and what I do.

[2006] Yeah.

[2007] I just start like nitpicking and micro, if I just shut my mouth and are you picking little projects that you can control at that moment or like what, how does it specifically manifest itself?

[2008] Everyone else is a fucking idiot and nobody can do anything right except me. So then I have to point out like that's not the right.

[2009] Like it's, I'm mad at everyone who's trying to help me because no one's doing it right.

[2010] And it's just, it's ridiculous.

[2011] Feeling powerless.

[2012] Yeah, I feel powerless.

[2013] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2014] So I just got to shut the fuck up and take five minutes to myself.

[2015] And then I can, I can recognize what it is, calm it down, tell myself that my kids don't have to be perfect.

[2016] And like, it's actually okay if somebody's sick.

[2017] It's okay if somebody's unhappy.

[2018] Like, I'm not a bad mom if they're having a bad day.

[2019] Like stuff like that.

[2020] And in fact, it's almost suspicious that you've been successful with great loving, dedicated parents.

[2021] It's almost like you couldn't deprive your kids of any drive if everything's fucking perfect.

[2022] Totally.

[2023] And And also, I really think that having a major accident happened to me when I was a kid is a huge reason.

[2024] Yeah, it's a huge gift.

[2025] It was a defining moment in my life.

[2026] Things aren't supposed to go well.

[2027] People are supposed to go through something and have to figure out who they are on the other side of it.

[2028] Yeah, it's really, really tempting to deny your kids anything that would require coping mechanisms.

[2029] Right.

[2030] You know, like to make their life kind of so easy that they will leave your house and have never dealt with a problem or disappointment or yeah it's funny how often people tell kids like oh it's okay it's okay well don't be sad like don't it's okay to be sad yeah don't stop him from being sad right this is sad to him so the last thing i want to ask you about is we all have like the door gets open to us you're like holy shit i'm actually at the party this is so exciting and then you go well fuck if if this was possible maybe that's possible yeah where's the party that makes me feel good Well, there's, yeah, right?

[2031] Yeah, when do I look in the mirror and be like, ooh, I did it?

[2032] Look at you.

[2033] You crushed.

[2034] I don't know that there's ever that place because.

[2035] Well, what I'm wondering is, because for me, and again, it helps.

[2036] You and I are in a very similar situation in that.

[2037] Thank God our partners also make money and are relevant.

[2038] And that takes a big load off my shoulders.

[2039] That's right.

[2040] Which is a man is a weird thing to have come to.

[2041] It took me a little while to go like, oh, I'm good.

[2042] I've got a partner who crushes.

[2043] And I don't need to fucking be sweating this as much.

[2044] And then also I had my aim set in a certain area that that didn't happen.

[2045] Then it was followed by a little disappointment.

[2046] And then it was followed now where I'm like, I'm so delighted with where I'm at.

[2047] That's great.

[2048] I don't have aspirations of winning an Oscar.

[2049] I don't think I'm ever going to be Will Ferrell.

[2050] And there's a lot of comfort in that just to get off the fucking hamster wheel.

[2051] And now I'm just kind of do things that are fun.

[2052] And then the results will be who knows what they are.

[2053] and I'm, I feel really good about it.

[2054] Has that happened to you where, like, you were trying to be, who were you trying to be?

[2055] Um, it was, my was a little different where I never really had, I never expected or wanted to win any awards or like do big movies or like be a star.

[2056] Okay.

[2057] So that part I never, um, that never really crossed my mind.

[2058] I just wanted to, I wanted to do something that I made special and I felt really good about it.

[2059] And I knew shooting that particular take, that's the one.

[2060] I'm proud of that.

[2061] That's funny.

[2062] I can't wait for people to see it.

[2063] And so since it happened so slowly on Sunny and because nobody was watching it for literally four or five years, like I wasn't joking about like getting recognized in season four or five.

[2064] Yeah.

[2065] We were just so excited that we got to keep doing it.

[2066] Yeah.

[2067] So I think I got to feel that early on and then be really proud of something that was so small and underground where every single fan of Sunny.

[2068] who has been a fan since the beginning is so cutthroat and diehard fans and they are literally shaking when they meet us or you hold on to them to take a picture and they're shaking and like trying not to cry.

[2069] Yeah.

[2070] Like that is the, that's all I ever really wanted.

[2071] Yeah, yeah, you can.

[2072] Yeah.

[2073] You know, that's what I wanted was to do really great.

[2074] So I always thought I never want to be the, we live in L .A. We see actors all the time.

[2075] I never wanted to be the actor where somebody pointed and was like, isn't she an actor?

[2076] Yeah, I don't know what she's from.

[2077] But yeah.

[2078] I wanted to be like, if you saw me it invoked some sort of like I love whatever yeah I think I sent you a picture I was like eating at islands or something I sent you in a row of a picture and there's like six dudes eating and they all had matching sunny shirts on yeah yeah yeah and they were just partying their I mean they were it was the best fan club I've ever seen like it was better than seeing Harley people at a rally it's like they were crushing islands and it's always sunny shirts and it was so great to see it I thought I thought what a great fan base yeah it's cool it is feel good.

[2079] I like, that's what I, that's what I like.

[2080] And honestly, it was really important to me to be a mom and have kids.

[2081] So I'm not sure there's anything else I need to do.

[2082] I do have a fear of having it all go away.

[2083] Sure.

[2084] Because I really am liking it.

[2085] Yeah.

[2086] But I'm not like, oh, I've got to, I've got to do huge blockbuster movies and I've got to direct and I've got, I don't know about that.

[2087] Are you loving this?

[2088] Oh my God.

[2089] It's, it's perfect for you.

[2090] It's, yes.

[2091] And I found out you were doing a podcast one of the things I love about you um that I just remember from early on as we would go anywhere we would go you would strike up a conversation with people so like we'd be at a grocery store we'd just be buying something and you'd want to get into a full conversation with a stranger but it was so awesome because you just wanted to like make them laugh and make their day and it was and they loved it and then we would leave and I was like right I'm just buying my shit and getting in the car you're missing out on all these uh there's so many crazies But I love that about you.

[2092] I was like, oh, yeah, right.

[2093] Just like talking.

[2094] Yeah, yeah.

[2095] Well, enjoying your day.

[2096] It's my hobby, you know, off -roading and then chatting.

[2097] And generally about emotions and feelings are the thing I'm most interested in.

[2098] Yeah, yeah.

[2099] I have to be very aware at all times or I will slide into the ditch.

[2100] I can't just take for granted I'm going to be in a good mood.

[2101] Yeah.

[2102] Or that I won't be negative or pessimistic, right?

[2103] I have to really, I have to take steps daily to stay positive.

[2104] What do you do?

[2105] I have to work out.

[2106] Yes.

[2107] If I don't work out, I'm mentally no good.

[2108] Yep.

[2109] By the way, Rob's getting in very good shape.

[2110] It's making me a little jealous.

[2111] I heard he's bench pressing over 300 pounds now and he's doing like 30 pull -ups or something.

[2112] It's insane.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] It's insane.

[2115] And you could give a fuck, right?

[2116] None of us.

[2117] Are you like my wife?

[2118] Yeah.

[2119] It doesn't matter.

[2120] My wife has no idea that my weight has fluctuated over the last 11 years.

[2121] I've gotten in crazy shape for movies.

[2122] She doesn't know that.

[2123] Oh.

[2124] Yeah.

[2125] Well, he's doing a very specific thing for Sunny and he is taking it very.

[2126] very seriously.

[2127] And I, I am definitely noticing, but it's not my favorite thing.

[2128] You could care less.

[2129] I could care less.

[2130] And also, like, I like, I like that middle road.

[2131] I thought he was, I thought he was, I liked him as Fat Mac.

[2132] Yeah, I think that was the coolest thing he did.

[2133] Yeah.

[2134] Yeah.

[2135] What you come to find out as a guy, which is very disappointing is, like, getting great shape for a movie and you're convinced all these girls are going to be hot.

[2136] And the only people say anything are dudes.

[2137] Dudes.

[2138] Yeah.

[2139] It's the men that are.

[2140] Bro, how'd you get dieseled out like that?

[2141] I know.

[2142] I know.

[2143] It's only men who are noticing that he suddenly has ads.

[2144] getting on an airplane once and some guy goes, bro, you were fucking ripped and went in Rome.

[2145] And I was like, not for you, guy.

[2146] Bummer.

[2147] But anyways, back to, yes, I work out.

[2148] Yes.

[2149] And then I help dudes who are trying to get sober.

[2150] That's very important piece of the puzzle.

[2151] I journal every morning.

[2152] You do.

[2153] Good for you.

[2154] Again, it's no feather in my cap.

[2155] It's like, I do that or I'm miserable to be around.

[2156] No, but I, when I'm not working, which is right now, I need to do more of those things.

[2157] Because I love seeing my kids in the morning.

[2158] I love getting them up.

[2159] I love getting them off to school.

[2160] I love saying goodbye to them.

[2161] They're two little boys.

[2162] They still hug and kiss me goodbye and walk.

[2163] We hold hands on the way and it's the best.

[2164] And then I get in my car and I'm like, oh, okay, who am I if I don't have that or my job?

[2165] So I've got, and I know that I need to meditate.

[2166] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2167] I know that I need to work out.

[2168] And I don't do either of those things because I don't want to.

[2169] Of course.

[2170] No one wants to.

[2171] Yeah.

[2172] The good news is if I'm in a shitty mood and I'm pessimistic and misanthropic and I hate the world, I go, let's just go through the checklist.

[2173] You called anyone you didn't want to call today?

[2174] Check in on them?

[2175] No. Did you work out in the last two days?

[2176] No, I didn't.

[2177] If you're taking a walk, no. You know, and I go through this checklist, it's almost 100 % of the time.

[2178] I haven't done those things.

[2179] So at least I go.

[2180] You know how to fix it.

[2181] At least do those things and then come back to it.

[2182] And again, you know, there's probably exceptions, but I've never.

[2183] met someone coming from a gym who just worked out for an hour who's in a shitty mood.

[2184] I've just never seen it.

[2185] But do you like working out?

[2186] No. You don't.

[2187] No. It's terrible.

[2188] I hate it.

[2189] But again, I'm trading one hour of misery for 15 hours of liking myself.

[2190] No, you're right.

[2191] You're right.

[2192] What you're saying is right.

[2193] Yeah.

[2194] Well, Caitlin, I love you so much.

[2195] I'm so glad that you crossed all the way across L .A. In the rain.

[2196] In the rain, no less.

[2197] It is a big hike and I appreciate it and you're busy and I love you so much and I'm glad that we've taken this ride together.

[2198] It's really fun.

[2199] Me too.

[2200] I'm proud of you.

[2201] Thank you for having me. We've had some moments right where like I got to come to the premiere of It's Always Sunny one year.

[2202] I got to come to all your premieres.

[2203] I can't even count them anymore.

[2204] And it's really fun because we lived in one bedroom apartment.

[2205] That's right.

[2206] And I saw you get bit by a seal and knife yourself to fix it.

[2207] I love you.

[2208] I love you too.

[2209] Stay tuned if you'd like to hear my good friend and producer Monica Padman point out the many errors in the podcast you just heard.

[2210] Fact check, popping bubbly, rubbing your chakras, got you screaming, punish me. That's going to be your new intro for the fact check.

[2211] Do you approve it?

[2212] Fact check, popping bubbly, rubbing your chakras, got you screaming punish me. I feel like it's a little bit.

[2213] You think it's a little forced?

[2214] Do you know a song I'm referencing, a hot tubs?

[2215] Yes.

[2216] I just want to warn everyone.

[2217] Monica's got a real chip on her shoulder this afternoon.

[2218] We just had a bit of a calamity here in the attic.

[2219] The sun is just blasting me from above because of these skylights.

[2220] And we try to hang a blanket in the raptors.

[2221] And then just a snowstorm of dust rained down.

[2222] It's just disgusting in here right now.

[2223] You deserve it.

[2224] Oh, for trying to solve this problem.

[2225] You think I deserve it covered in a micron of dust there.

[2226] It's in my eyeballs.

[2227] It's in all my nasal passageways.

[2228] I might just die on this fact check.

[2229] Ugh.

[2230] So I'm ready.

[2231] Redrick?

[2232] Ready.

[2233] Are you ready?

[2234] Okay.

[2235] Let's begin.

[2236] Okay.

[2237] Burberry came up.

[2238] She didn't know what Burberry was.

[2239] You kind of didn't know.

[2240] No one knew, okay?

[2241] Okay.

[2242] Burberry.

[2243] Okay.

[2244] Well, it's very accusatory, but go ahead.

[2245] You're stupid because you didn't know.

[2246] Okay.

[2247] Burberry is a British luxury.

[2248] brand established in guess what year what would you guess 1848 1856 oh my gosh i'm kind of mad at you for guessing so close i can tell you are and here's that chip i was referencing it's now it's now it's it's a boulder on your shoulder you want and that's so telling about you you want me to be so wrong i do it's a weird weird weird desire you want me to be embarrassed and a shame no i don't I just was very surprised by 1856 when I saw it.

[2249] So I thought, you know, it's not as fun.

[2250] What did you think I was going to guess?

[2251] 89.

[2252] 90s.

[2253] 90s?

[2254] No, no, no, no. You couldn't come up with those prints in the 90s.

[2255] They're so traditional.

[2256] Very traditional.

[2257] They have a very specific trademarked check pattern.

[2258] Mm -hmm.

[2259] It's like a tan, brownish tan, red, black, white, checkered.

[2260] Move.

[2261] But I one time was.

[2262] leaving a trip.

[2263] I was in Europe and I was about to get on a plane.

[2264] I had all these euros in my pocket.

[2265] I didn't know.

[2266] I didn't want to deal with bringing them back.

[2267] So I went into a burberry store and I bought a belt.

[2268] And I got to tell you what, that was my favorite belt I ever had.

[2269] I wore into the ground.

[2270] It was, it was just all torn to smithereens by the time I retired it.

[2271] Was it a trademark check?

[2272] Yeah.

[2273] Yeah.

[2274] It was great.

[2275] I think I wore quite a bit on the first season of parenthood.

[2276] You know what I, obviously the quality wasn't very good because it shredded.

[2277] Well, but I, again, I wore it hard.

[2278] Like, I really wore that belt hard.

[2279] Rode motorcycles in it, fought a grizzly bear in it.

[2280] Oh.

[2281] Yeah.

[2282] Went in the hot tub with it all the time.

[2283] But anyway, I was very surprised by 1856.

[2284] I thought that was, I would not have guessed it.

[2285] I would have guessed the 50s, 1950s.

[2286] Well, you would, oh, 1950s.

[2287] If you would have just said the 50s, you would have been right.

[2288] Right.

[2289] You're right.

[2290] You said articulately and then you said, that's not even a word.

[2291] That is a word.

[2292] Oh, it is.

[2293] Yeah.

[2294] That's good news.

[2295] Articulately, it still sounds wrong.

[2296] Why?

[2297] I can imagine saying someone was either articulate like an adjective, right?

[2298] Yes.

[2299] Or they articulated something, a verb.

[2300] They spoke very articulately.

[2301] Yeah.

[2302] I guess, yeah, instead of they were so articulate.

[2303] Okay, all right.

[2304] Well, I'll bring it back then.

[2305] Okay.

[2306] I hope you say it a few more times before this ends, this fact check ends.

[2307] Yes.

[2308] Well, I intend to incorporate it articulately.

[2309] Okay, good.

[2310] Yeah.

[2311] So we've talked a ton like ad nauseum about the groundlings on this podcast.

[2312] Oh, uh -huh.

[2313] But you guys talk very specifically about the Sunday company.

[2314] And do you want to give a little more context about what that is?

[2315] Yes.

[2316] So when we both went there, you would audition to get into the, first level, which was an improv level.

[2317] Then there was a second improv level.

[2318] And if you pass that, then you went to the third level, which was a writing level.

[2319] And you wrote a monologue and you wrote some sketch.

[2320] And then you had a show.

[2321] And there was improv in the show.

[2322] And then if you did well in that, you went to advance.

[2323] And advanced was all sketch writing with the folks in there.

[2324] And then you have a big show.

[2325] And then you get voted either into the Sunday company or asked to repeat or or 86th.

[2326] And then once you're in the Sunday company, you get voted on every six months to either extend in the Sunday company or move up to the main company, which does shows on Saturday, Friday and Saturday, I believe.

[2327] And then once you're in the main company, you're tenured.

[2328] You're there for life.

[2329] Yeah, you got to leave on your own recognizance.

[2330] They're not going to boot you.

[2331] Although one person did get booted.

[2332] I was going to ask, yeah.

[2333] Yeah.

[2334] There was, I think it's only happened once.

[2335] Did he move over someone?

[2336] One of Jess's best friends.

[2337] You can ask Jess about it.

[2338] Really?

[2339] Can you just tell us?

[2340] You're such a sexist because it was a her.

[2341] Of course you thought a boy was naughty and got kicked out.

[2342] But guess what?

[2343] Bad news.

[2344] Girls are naughty too.

[2345] What'd she do?

[2346] That's between her and the growlings.

[2347] Oh, really?

[2348] But I wouldn't want to say and be liable.

[2349] Okay.

[2350] That's interesting.

[2351] Yeah.

[2352] You mentioned Rye Technique.

[2353] Rye Technique is a parenting technique.

[2354] Brought to the U .S. by infant development expert, Magda Gerber in 1973 RiseR -I -E stands for Resources for Infant Educerers Oh boy I don't know that I love that they coined the phrase Educerers I know That's like Imagineers at Disney but not cool Oh I love Imagineers Yeah I love Imagineers And I feel like that's what they try to do But I don't think they hit the mark with Educator what was it?

[2355] Educers Educers Yeah Yeah it's not great Is it the same Gerber from the Gerber book Or a Gerber baby food?

[2356] I wished, but no. It's not, okay.

[2357] Well, it might be.

[2358] I didn't look, but I don't think it is.

[2359] I don't think the Rye technique seems really consistent with what I know about Gerber baby food.

[2360] Yeah, I don't know that Rye parents are giving their kids a grber baby food.

[2361] No, I most certainly aren't.

[2362] Actually, they're definitely not because their whole thing is like treating babies kind of like adults.

[2363] Like senior citizens.

[2364] And giving them respect and independence and talking to.

[2365] them like a dog.

[2366] And that part I'm very in favor of.

[2367] I think most times I'll bring up bry on this.

[2368] You'll hear me with a tone of disparagingness in my voice.

[2369] I do think tons of their principles are really interesting and exciting.

[2370] And then I think some of them are claims that have never been tested in a double -blind scenario.

[2371] There's no sociology or anthropology backing these claims.

[2372] Yes.

[2373] And they don't believe in praise.

[2374] They don't want to encourage kids to feel like performers.

[2375] They're trying to instill in.

[2376] them self -approval, right?

[2377] Yeah.

[2378] Which is a great thing to want your kids to be self -approving.

[2379] My issue with it is it undercounts that we are social animals and that we do need each other's approval.

[2380] And that's how we enforce our commonly held morals.

[2381] And so if you are completely self -approving and you are, you don't care what your group is saying about you, I feel like that could lead to borderline sociopathy.

[2382] Yeah.

[2383] Yeah, I don't know.

[2384] There's only one way to find out.

[2385] I got to go in a time machine and I got to raise you.

[2386] What, N. Y. And then I got to go back in a time machine.

[2387] Okay, dokey.

[2388] So you mentioned an, quote, edible thing.

[2389] And I think most people know what you're talking about.

[2390] But just in case, you're talking about an edible complex, which is a Freudian term.

[2391] A positive Oedipus complex refers to the child's unconscious sexual desire for the the opposite sex parent and hatred for the same sex parent.

[2392] The negative Oedipus complex refers to a child's unconscious sexual desire for the same sex parent and hatred for the opposite sex parent.

[2393] Oh.

[2394] You want to marry your mom and kill your dad if you're a boy, right?

[2395] But I don't think, I think Freud borrowed that from something Shakespearean because in Shakespeare, someone was warned that they were going to kill their dad and marry their mom, and then that happened in the in the play i think there's a play called edipus it's not shakespeare it's not shakespeare fuck here we are again there is but that's where that is where freud's getting it from he's getting it from either some famous greek play or edipus is a play is like an old greek okay well there you go and in that play someone marries their mother and kills their father that's where yes that's where he's probably borrowing the edipal exactly the name from Yeah.

[2396] But he came up with the syndrome.

[2397] Yes.

[2398] A lot of people think were Philistines that we didn't say that right away.

[2399] Like, what a bunch of dumb -dums.

[2400] Took him that long to figure out.

[2401] Well, I got confused because you said Shakespeare.

[2402] And then I thought maybe you're talking about King Lear.

[2403] It's because I think Shakespeare's Greek.

[2404] Oh.

[2405] Even though he's raised in England and did all of his writing there.

[2406] Oh, that's another thing about the Groundlings.

[2407] You know where they get their name, the Groundlings?

[2408] The Groundlings was the name of the area that was sold in Shakespearean times for standing.

[2409] room only at the bottom was where the riffraff was let in and so there were seats sold and then they let all the bozos in down at the ground floor on the ground yeah those were called the groundlings I went to a play in the globe theater yes thank you for remembering yeah I went to play there and I had to stand on the floor and Callie my friend Callie was there and she passed out oh wow yeah what a we're trying to steal focus from the performers on stage wow come on Callie it's not your time You can pump your own gas in Oregon now.

[2410] As of this year, 2018, January, House Bill 2482 said retailers in counties with the population of less than $40 ,000 are allowed to have self -service gas pumps.

[2411] Oh, so only if your town has or your area has less than $40 ,000.

[2412] Because I had read that and then we talked about it with Caitlin.

[2413] again.

[2414] And I was just so excited to pump my own gas and guess what I wasn't unable to.

[2415] Really?

[2416] Yeah, because apparently the area I was in had more than 40 ,000 people.

[2417] 41.

[2418] Had 40 ,001 person.

[2419] Also, drivers in 15 counties can now pump their own gas any time of day while those in three other rural counties can do so after business hours between 6 p .m. and 6 a .m. It seems like they're spending a lot.

[2420] I think it is.

[2421] Yeah.

[2422] I think it was a jobs program.

[2423] Which is nice.

[2424] I mean, it's cool.

[2425] But.

[2426] but look how much energy and legislation is now dedicated to.

[2427] Do you ever have to wait?

[2428] Like, is there a, oh.

[2429] Yes, that is my complaint, is that there is a gas.

[2430] It's virtually the only gas station between my mom's house and the airport where I return my rental car and I have to, you know, bring it back full because they charge you a $305 a gallon.

[2431] Yeah, a gallon.

[2432] And so I want to step up with this gas station.

[2433] And in always, it's like 15, 20 minutes and I'm on my way to the airport.

[2434] So I'm already panicked.

[2435] 15 minutes?

[2436] Oh, I would not like that.

[2437] No, I really don't like it.

[2438] I would get really upset and start storming all into the gas.

[2439] Peel out of the gas station and just deal with the $300 a gallon price.

[2440] It would not be good for me because I already let my, like right now my gas lights on.

[2441] Yes.

[2442] I let it go.

[2443] I know this about you.

[2444] I let it go all the time.

[2445] Occasionally when I drive your car, the first thing I do is fill it up.

[2446] Yeah, which is nice of you.

[2447] My dad would be really mad at me because he was such a stickler for.

[2448] for filling up when you're like half gas.

[2449] For sure.

[2450] Half tank, be safe.

[2451] He didn't want you running out of gas in some dodgy neighborhood.

[2452] He didn't.

[2453] He cared about you.

[2454] And I said past tense.

[2455] I really swung in the other direction.

[2456] That's your way of rebelling.

[2457] You got great grades and did everything by the book.

[2458] And then your big fuck you was that you drive her on an E all the time.

[2459] Always.

[2460] So her high school crush wore, what did she pronounce it?

[2461] Stacey.

[2462] Stucey?

[2463] Yeah.

[2464] You acted like you knew what that was.

[2465] Well, there's a brand called Stussy.

[2466] No, Stucy.

[2467] There's a brand called Stucy.

[2468] Yeah, that makes some pretty nice garments.

[2469] She said he wore Stucy and Oakley's.

[2470] Oakley's I knew.

[2471] Oakley's is the eyewear, eye gear.

[2472] Yeah.

[2473] Sunglasses.

[2474] And Stucy I had never heard of in my whole life.

[2475] It's a clothing brand.

[2476] created in the 80s by Sean Stoosey.

[2477] Started out as surfwear and now sort of transitioned into streetwear and hip -hop.

[2478] And he married one of the moms on Full House.

[2479] Who?

[2480] Which one?

[2481] What's her name?

[2482] I did a movie with her.

[2483] Jody Sweden?

[2484] No, no. Mary Kate Olson, Ashley Olson.

[2485] No, no, no, no. There's only three sisters.

[2486] No, there's one of the parents.

[2487] Candace Cameron.

[2488] Lori Lothland.

[2489] Yeah.

[2490] Really?

[2491] Yeah, Lori Loflin, I believe, is Mary.

[2492] Uncle Jesse's, Aunt Becky.

[2493] The hot blonde gal.

[2494] She didn't have blonde hair.

[2495] Well, this one did.

[2496] Aunt Becky didn't have blonde hair.

[2497] Fuck.

[2498] All right.

[2499] I sure it was full house.

[2500] No, I'm not.

[2501] I just know that she was a very famous 90s actors and I did a movie with her.

[2502] And she's so lovely and I'm embarrassed.

[2503] I can't remember.

[2504] Blossom.

[2505] Melissa Joan Hart.

[2506] Wow.

[2507] That could fuck it.

[2508] I got, this is a disaster.

[2509] I should never talk about actors on here.

[2510] It's humiliating how little I know.

[2511] Well, we don't know about Shakespeare.

[2512] We don't know about anything.

[2513] No, I know about cars and valve timing and distributors and stuff like that.

[2514] That's where all my thought went to.

[2515] Lori Loughlin.

[2516] It is her?

[2517] She doesn't have blonde hair.

[2518] Oh, really?

[2519] Then what the fuck is going on in that photo?

[2520] Let me see.

[2521] Bring it closer.

[2522] Look it.

[2523] That is, oh my God, I'm not going to.

[2524] That is blonde hair.

[2525] No, it's not.

[2526] Yes, it is.

[2527] It's blatantly blonde.

[2528] Look at her hair.

[2529] Look at her roots.

[2530] I'm not claiming her roots are blonde.

[2531] Okay, I'm sorry.

[2532] Her hair is blonde.

[2533] It matches her shirt.

[2534] This is Aunt Becky on Full House.

[2535] Okay.

[2536] Okay, I can't see.

[2537] I can't help you.

[2538] Yes, oh my God, Monica.

[2539] Her hair is blonde.

[2540] What are you talking about?

[2541] Her hair is light brown.

[2542] I mean, this piece right here.

[2543] matches her white shirt.

[2544] That is not full house.

[2545] That's post full house, Aunt Becky.

[2546] Well, look, let's cut all this out.

[2547] But the point is, is Lori Loughlin is married to Stissy or was when I worked with her.

[2548] The point is she's married to Stucy, was married to Stucy, and she has brown hair.

[2549] That's the walk.

[2550] That's the takeaways.

[2551] Oh, my God.

[2552] Her husband.

[2553] That's Stucy, I bet.

[2554] His name is Sean Stucy.

[2555] Yeah.

[2556] Oh, Masimo.

[2557] Oh, my God.

[2558] What a long, long walk to be wrong.

[2559] But if you're ever going to confuse two brand names, Stucie and Mossimo are pretty darn close.

[2560] No. Oh, my God.

[2561] Massimo's like a fancy brand.

[2562] Stozy.

[2563] Yeah, so is Stucy.

[2564] In high school.

[2565] Stucy is like.

[2566] She's married to Mosimo.

[2567] Massimo.

[2568] Masimoto.

[2569] She's married to Masimoto.

[2570] I'm going to just.

[2571] show you what stucy clothing looks like i know you don't need to show me i had a sweatshirt a stuzy sweatshirt and you you think that's the same as mosimo sweatshirt and they were very similar in their maybe i'm thinking of not masom you're thinking of you know what you're thinking of i know exactly what you're thinking of and they sold it at target for a minute uh massoni yeah jesus john let's we got to cut this in tight no i'm leaving it all in yes i am no you're not i'm leaving it all in So we talk about Coyote Ugly, the movie that Caitlin is in.

[2572] She said it was based on a real bar in New York, and you said it wasn't, but that it was based off another bar where guys parked their cars.

[2573] I now remember the name of it as you're talking.

[2574] What is it?

[2575] Hogs and hafers.

[2576] Okay.

[2577] I tried to find that bar.

[2578] I couldn't find it, but it is based off, Coyote Ugly is a real bar.

[2579] Okay.

[2580] Coyote Ugly Saloon opened in 1993 in New York.

[2581] And Caitlin played a bidding customer in that movie.

[2582] And she said she took her bra off and threw it on the bar or something, I think, in that scene.

[2583] Well, Hogs and Halford in the Meatpacking District.

[2584] I don't know if it's still there, but you would go in and there was bras all over the bar and the ceiling and whatnot.

[2585] And guys would park their motorcycles in there and stuff.

[2586] That's fun.

[2587] She said when she was auditioning, she had to use Thomas Guides.

[2588] For our young listeners, Thomas Guide is a series of, of paperback maps based atlases spiral bound and it's big it's it weighs a couple pounds like when you got to lug your your thomas guide around yeah when i was a motorcycle messenger that thing had to be in my backpack oh and it took up so much space yeah it was the only way i just would get a random address and i had to figure out where that was and there's no maps i'm really happy that technology has taken away paper maps me too although it did divide it did separate the The boys from the men, as they say.

[2589] I imagine some people are just like, well, how on earth will I find that place?

[2590] I'm not going to go.

[2591] Yeah, that would have been me. Right?

[2592] So it probably cut down on traffic a little bit.

[2593] Like, I'd love to go to that address, but where is it?

[2594] I can't get there.

[2595] There's no way for me to get there.

[2596] Sebring 20, 2090 Seabreen Street?

[2597] Could be anywhere.

[2598] So I did a little research on seals since one bit you.

[2599] Uh -huh.

[2600] A leopard seal is incredibly dangerous.

[2601] Ooh.

[2602] It's a predator, old, powerful, curious, and it's been known to hunt people.

[2603] Oh, my goodness, for real.

[2604] Although it normally targets penguins, but if you're a person in its path.

[2605] It might take you out?

[2606] Yeah.

[2607] In 1985, Scotched Explorer, Gareth Wood was bitten twice on the leg when a leopard seal tried to drag him off the ice and into the sea.

[2608] And in 2003, a leopard seal dragged snorkeling biologist Kirstie Brown Underwood.

[2609] water to her death.

[2610] Oof.

[2611] You almost died.

[2612] Although I don't think it was a leopard seal, but...

[2613] Yeah, it sounds like you're, when I heard penguins, I'm assuming these are in the southern hemisphere.

[2614] Should we feed the seals on the beach?

[2615] No. Seals should never be offered food.

[2616] It's illegal, and it's also dangerous for you and the seal.

[2617] Seals can become ill from the food, and they may also become dependent on humans for food.

[2618] Seals are wild animals that can be aggressive and...

[2619] bite, causing major wounds, and possibly infections to humans.

[2620] Well, I got both.

[2621] I got a wound and an infection.

[2622] But just for the record, I wasn't trying to feed it.

[2623] I was trying to pet it and then ultimately snuggle it.

[2624] I probably thought you were trying to feed it.

[2625] I had a sandwich, yeah.

[2626] Yeah.

[2627] Because probably some other bozo gave it like some leftovers from Arbys or something.

[2628] She said you went to a game net at Charlie and Mary Elizabeth's.

[2629] That's Charlie Day and Mary Elizabeth Ellis.

[2630] Are they married?

[2631] Yes.

[2632] Oh, great.

[2633] And Charlie Day is one of the other creators.

[2634] so it's always sunny and very funny yeah very funny one of our funniest well kately tells a little story about cookies in second grade which reminded me of my experience with cookies what hold on are you going to bring up cookie oh no that is a different cookie that's a cookie that's a the Japanese steakhouse, Japanese habachi grill.

[2635] And he looked a little crazy.

[2636] Yeah, he had glasses on that were the size of a standard microwave oven.

[2637] Yeah.

[2638] And he was, like joke glasses.

[2639] Joke glasses, like carrot top glasses.

[2640] And he was trying to make the kids laugh, but of course kids were very scared of Cookie.

[2641] So the whole thing made me, it gave me a lot of anxiety.

[2642] And I was panicked inside when Cookie was doing his routine.

[2643] Habachi experience didn't go great for us.

[2644] It didn't.

[2645] In Turks and cakes, unfortunately.

[2646] And a lot of that's my fault because all of our birthday parties were always at the Japanese Steakhouse in Michigan.

[2647] Everyone was expected to pick that as their restaurant on their birthday because everyone loved it.

[2648] Yes.

[2649] In fact, one year I picked the Boneyard and my whole family was upset at me. But anyways, I had such high expectations for that experience because it was so fun when I was a kid.

[2650] It is fun.

[2651] I went last time.

[2652] week with my family when I was home in Georgia.

[2653] We went to Benihana.

[2654] I love Benihan.

[2655] And it was fun.

[2656] It's a fun experience.

[2657] But I want to hear your story about cookies.

[2658] Oh, right.

[2659] First grade is the only year of school that I was a bad kid.

[2660] Oh, really?

[2661] Yeah.

[2662] And it really started with these cookies.

[2663] This girl had cookies in her desk.

[2664] And she had to go, I think, to a special needs classroom.

[2665] Okay.

[2666] If I can remember that.

[2667] To meet me. Or maybe in, yeah, to meet you, she had to go to a separate classroom for part of the day, okay?

[2668] Yeah.

[2669] So she left and then I eyed her cookies in the desk and I really had to have.

[2670] It was just not an option.

[2671] I was going to eat those.

[2672] You were having impulse controller too.

[2673] Yeah, I had.

[2674] They were so good.

[2675] They were these really small regular vanilla cookie.

[2676] Uh -huh.

[2677] But it had like a Hershey's kiss in the center of it.

[2678] And it came in in this like strip of five.

[2679] Oh, wow.

[2680] They were small.

[2681] They were so good.

[2682] I still remember what they taste like.

[2683] You got into that desk and you just stole her cookies while she was learning something fundamental.

[2684] I hope they weren't working on her like her motor skills.

[2685] I don't know.

[2686] I don't remember what she looked like or who she was.

[2687] You remember her sweet, sweet cookies.

[2688] Yeah, she was doing fine.

[2689] She was been giving cookies.

[2690] every nice delicious cookies every day.

[2691] Okay, I ate them, okay?

[2692] And then she came back and was looking for her cookies, her snack.

[2693] Yeah.

[2694] And so the teacher was looking around and asking everyone what happened and it.

[2695] And I didn't see.

[2696] And, of course, I was just lying and lying and lying.

[2697] Uh -huh.

[2698] Lying and lying.

[2699] And then my teacher looked at my desk and the wrapper.

[2700] The wrapper was still there.

[2701] Oh, no. Yeah, the sleeve.

[2702] You hadn't hid the proof.

[2703] No, I didn't do a good.

[2704] the job.

[2705] But I still denied it.

[2706] Oh my gosh.

[2707] I stuck to it.

[2708] Oh, wow.

[2709] Yes, I stuck to it.

[2710] Then she had to call my parents.

[2711] Oh, really?

[2712] Yeah.

[2713] And said, not only has she stolen cookies, but she's a bold face lying to my face.

[2714] And she's still lying about it.

[2715] And what did your parents say?

[2716] I don't remember.

[2717] I don't even remember them.

[2718] I got a hunch.

[2719] I know what your dad said.

[2720] What?

[2721] He said, Monica, keep that gas tank on full.

[2722] I don't care about these cookies.

[2723] But you will be of driving age soon, and I have to have that gas tank full.

[2724] Yeah, that's funny.

[2725] I love you so much.

[2726] I love you so much, too.

[2727] Good night.

[2728] Good night.

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