Don't Let Your Relationship with Money Ruin Your Relationship with People

[0] from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is the Ramsey show.

[1] It's where we help you win in your life.

[2] Winning in your money, winning in your relationships, and winning at work is the goal.

[3] And we can help you do that.

[4] AAA 825 -5 -2 -2 -25 is the phone number.

[5] That's AAA 825 -5 -2 -25.

[6] I'm Ken Coleman.

[7] Dr. John Deloney joins me this hour and we team up to help you.

[8] So the money questions, the relationship questions, the mental health questions, the work questions.

[9] All of it is open for you.

[10] AAA 8255 -2 -2 -25.

[11] Let's get started in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Josh is going to kick us off this hour.

[12] Josh, how are you doing?

[13] Good.

[14] How are you?

[15] Good.

[16] What's going on?

[17] Yeah.

[18] So, I was sent in this message the other day.

[19] I got some feedback on it.

[20] And, yeah, my wife and I have been married for about three years now.

[21] and we decided when we got pregnant with our first kid that she'd be a stay -at -home mom.

[22] I was able to financially support that all as well.

[23] And then a year into our marriage, when she stopped working, found out she had about $60 ,000 in student debt that she was paying on.

[24] That's awkward, huh?

[25] Yeah, yeah.

[26] So with that being said, it's a private loan and we're three years into our marriage, second kids here, just bought a house because it was cheaper to do so than renting with where we're at.

[27] And now I'm kind of feeling the push and pull of having her get a job because what was a 2 % interest rate is now a 10 % interest rate.

[28] because it's a variable loan, and she co -signed on that loan with her mom.

[29] So feeling a bit of obligation to keep these payments up and active, even though it's pulling quite a bit from our monthly income.

[30] Hey, bro, you're playing at the periphery here.

[31] This isn't the main issue.

[32] The main issue is the woman you dedicated your life to and said, I do to, lied to you.

[33] And had a huge debt, and you were making decisions.

[34] and y 'all were moving full steam ahead with one version of your life not knowing there was another version have you dealt with that we call it financial infidelity around here and we use that level of that depth of language because it's that serious yeah so have you dealt with it have you yeah have y 'all dug into that yeah we're working on it um so like it's been two years now since this came to light um why did you go buy a house on top of that then well with our second kid uh we were paying about 1500 a month with for a two -bedroom apartment and now our mortgage is only 1400 um yeah but you traded a hundred bucks a month for what?

[35] Yeah, we were wanting to upsize.

[36] There you were, that's what you wanted.

[37] Yeah, and you came up with the math problem that achieved what you wanted.

[38] Here's the deal, y 'all are not trafficking in reality.

[39] You're just not.

[40] Okay.

[41] And until you get to the bottom of, okay, we have a new $60 ,000 debt, we have to pay off because your mother -in -law is not going to pay it off.

[42] And it's 10%, which is an astronomical rate.

[43] and pretty nilely yeah so i don't know that you can afford for your wife to stay at home because of the choices she made and then lied about to you and now y 'all set yourself further back by having a home because y 'all want to continue to perpetuate this fantasy you can't afford this house but you got it and so now you got it and so you'll have to make some hard decisions in the short term especially for the next few years and rewrite this ship right now y 'all are taken on water and you're just pretending that you're not and you are you're taking on water relationally you're taking on water in your trust you don't trust her as far as you can see her and then you're taking on water with the finances man and you had this picture of this stay -at -home mom these two kids this house and you're barred your way to it but you're in a mess so uh josh two years this happened two years ago and you call us today glad you called us by the way we want to dive into this but but john's make it a very very good point here i think you're at the end of your rope or pretty darn close to it decided to call us today.

[44] This was two years ago, and you chuckled when John pressed you.

[45] So I'm just kind of repeating back to you what we're seeing here.

[46] So where is this deal?

[47] Is she not willing to go back to work?

[48] Is there still a huge amount of tension in this?

[49] Give us the real, real where you stand today before you dialed the phone number.

[50] Yeah.

[51] So I've been kind of pressing her to find employment again and start working.

[52] working again.

[53] How's that going?

[54] It's been very, pretty lack of dazeable for the past six months.

[55] Yeah, so you don't trust her, and then now you're really frustrated at her because she's not pulling her weight, in your opinion, to help out with this undisclosed rock that she revealed around your neck.

[56] Right.

[57] Okay.

[58] Are you talking to her when you sit down with her, are you talking to her in financial terms?

[59] Hey, we have this many bills and we have this much money.

[60] I need you to get a job that makes this much money or have you talked to her about hey we have to build a new marriage because when we had was a farce wasn't real and we have to build something new and part of building something new is reestablishing trust together and here's what I'm going to need to trust you again I need you to be on the same team with me and build something new together and there's a financial component to that but I'm terrified that we're going to keep drowning in this mess.

[61] But if you just keep approaching her with a spreadsheet, how are you talking to her about this?

[62] Very futuristic, because I want to be debt -free as soon as possible and trying to get on the same, like, hey, we have things we can look forward to, but this is like a ball and chain, the $60 ,000.

[63] But she doesn't feel that, does she?

[64] No, no. She thought so little of that $60 ,000, she didn't even bother to tell you about it.

[65] Yeah, it's almost like Josh and John.

[66] It's a question for both of you here.

[67] Did she withhold that intentionally, or was it just literally a, well, whatever?

[68] Well, when she started staying at home, we had, like, switched our finances to a local bank, and then I started seeing these automatic withdrawals of $500, $600 a month.

[69] And I confronted her about it.

[70] she's and then that's when it came to attention that this is my student loan yeah but what I'm saying is did she do this intentionally or do you think it was lax just kind of a whatever I don't even worry about it so I don't bring it up yeah I don't think it was intentional what do you think I feel like it is dude you can't hide $60 ,000 to a guy who's like intent on being debt free right right I think you came in and you're like dude I'm never going to borrow money we're going to be debt free and she went whoopsie do that's what I think and got quiet about it.

[71] And maybe she didn't outright lie and say, I don't have any debt either.

[72] But she sure didn't say, well, hey, I've got a $60 ,000 rock on a chain around my neck.

[73] All right, Doc, that music means we've got to hurry.

[74] What are you prescribing here?

[75] I think he's got to sit down and be real honest with her.

[76] I think he needs to take 24 hours and write down what he's scared about and write down how just how angry he is and how much he doesn't trust her.

[77] And then with compassion, he has to sit down and say, here's where we really are.

[78] Will you build something new with me and hope she says yes yeah and josh i'm not clinically trained but i got a lot of common sense and that last question we went through with you is you got to start to acknowledge that you feel like she did lie to you and you need to stop covering that up so you can heal from it with what john is saying you need to do thanks for the call man this is the ramsie show so here's a quick math refresher there are only 24 hours in a day so your business needs to streamline tasks that are time suckers and focus on activities that make money.

[79] So to reduce headaches as they scale, smart businesses use NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud financial system.

[80] NetSuite helps you improve efficiency by bringing all your major business processes into one platform.

[81] So join the more than 37 ,000 smart businesses like Ramsey Solutions that have done the math and graduated to NetSuite.

[82] And right now you can download NetSuite's KPI checklist absolutely free at NetSuite .com slash Ramsey.

[83] That's netsuite .com slash Ramsey.

[84] Welcome back to The Ramsey Show.

[85] I'm Ken Coleman.

[86] Dr. John Deloney joins me. The phone number is AAA 825 -5 -2 -25 -3 -2 -25.

[87] Triple -8 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[88] Before we get back to the phones, we want to stay here for a minute.

[89] John and I were talking to the break, talking to the crew.

[90] And that last call, very interesting.

[91] If you're just joining us very quick review, and then we're going to to step into something.

[92] It's something we want to hear from you, the audience.

[93] So if you're watching via YouTube podcast, you can comment on this.

[94] Okay, so our last call, guy finds out two years into the marriage that his wife has $60 ,000 worth of student loan debt.

[95] Does not mention it.

[96] She does not mention it in the dating relationship, in the engagement, and only mentions it after he finds out when they change banks that there's a withdrawal to the tune of $500, $600, $600 a month coming out.

[97] So Kelly's sitting in for James today, our fearless leader, and she's amazing.

[98] She gave me some data.

[99] A recent poll found that 40 %, John, of Americans have ended a relationship because of financial missteps.

[100] Bonehead moves.

[101] Obviously, maybe some financial infidelity, as you called it, as we've called it here on the show for a long time.

[102] So 40 % have ended a relationship.

[103] So to the audience, we've got, we're going to.

[104] going to do one step here.

[105] This is fun.

[106] We have, I don't know, close to 50, 60 people in the lobby this afternoon.

[107] Show of hands.

[108] If the answer is yes, would you end a relationship over poor financial decisions?

[109] If yes, raise your hand.

[110] Everybody's freaking out.

[111] There's some people and they're like, well, I'm married right now.

[112] So only two, oh, three, we have the third person.

[113] Okay.

[114] So, all right, John, relationship guy.

[115] I mean, it feels like a huge chunk of your show is always relationship questions.

[116] What do you think?

[117] first about the 40 % of Americans Indian relationship over finances that piece of data.

[118] What does that say to you?

[119] I have to believe it's because they weren't honest about their financial issues.

[120] Yeah.

[121] Or they yeah secretly bet the farm on Deutsche coin.

[122] What about just seeing, not seeing things out of eye?

[123] I mean, I think it depends.

[124] Like, I have to have a $70 ,000 new truck.

[125] I just started a lawn business, right?

[126] And someone might say that guy's financially irresponsible.

[127] Well, that's a much bigger picture.

[128] It just gets cast on financial irresponsibility.

[129] We hear all the time on the show, I don't want to get married yet until kids paid off his student loans.

[130] Well, I think that's dumb.

[131] Yeah, I agree with that.

[132] Both my wife and I married somebody with student loans, each other, right?

[133] And then we partnered together to knock those things out.

[134] So that isn't a reason.

[135] Having debt is not a reason to not continue into a relationship.

[136] It is how, what is this relationship with money and integrity.

[137] And I can imagine somebody looking at somebody and saying, I want to build a future with them.

[138] And the way they do life is not going to end up in a good future.

[139] And so the way they're spending money, the way they're being dishonest about money, the way they always got a scheme or a scam about money.

[140] Yeah.

[141] Yeah.

[142] I can see ending a relationship over that.

[143] I absolutely would.

[144] I don't think you end a marriage over it because you should have done your homework before the marriage.

[145] Right.

[146] But certainly, yeah, if you're dating someone, you're thinking about it.

[147] I mean, I know that I've been on calls when I've co -hosted this show where I've sat there and listened and one of the money personalities is kind of going through the thing, and I'm sitting over here just biting my tongue, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and then I go, I'm going to tell you something, man. This needs to be solved now.

[148] Because if you guys can't get on the same page financially, this is going to eat your marriage up.

[149] You agree with that.

[150] A hundred percent.

[151] I mean, that's a full stop.

[152] Yeah.

[153] We can't get on the same page about that.

[154] But I think it always comes back to what the old man says, what Dave says, it's just a symptom, right?

[155] that's right um if i mean i could get mad at you for how you just spent your like our your paycheck or borrowing money that's just a symptom of i can't trust you right that's a relationship killer that you got to deal with that's exactly right that's true you don't tell the truth that's a relationship killer right yeah yeah so what say you uh certainly for those of you on the youtube's if you want to jump in and comment on it what do you think i feel bad for that guy by the way just kind of revisiting that in fact actually just real quick i want to come back to that so Because, you know, we're digging a lot.

[156] We didn't, you could tell he was holding back.

[157] You gave him some action items.

[158] He's trying to honor his wife.

[159] He was.

[160] Better yet, he's trying not to dishonor his wife.

[161] 100%.

[162] And she, yeah, she lied to his face.

[163] Yeah.

[164] But this is, just real quick, coming back to you, I mean, this is not a financial issue.

[165] This is a marriage issue for most of the foremost.

[166] They've got to get that figured out.

[167] And it just feels like maybe she doesn't think it's that big of a deal.

[168] Now, we're only getting one side of it.

[169] Yeah.

[170] So speak to that.

[171] because there's always two sides to that.

[172] Yeah.

[173] That couple comes in and sits with you.

[174] Where are you starting?

[175] Well, I'm starting with what was it about this relational dynamic that you felt like you had to go into the rest of your life with this secret?

[176] A, thinking he's so dumb, he's not ever going to know.

[177] You're just going to secretly pay off 60 grand.

[178] Right.

[179] Siphon off 60 grand from the household budget.

[180] And bigger than that, when you hear him talking about how important being debt -free and how much having freedom in your home is, at what point did you, like, what was it about that dynamic you didn't bring it up?

[181] Yeah.

[182] Are you a terrible person or is he unsafe?

[183] What's going on here?

[184] I'd start there.

[185] And then you find a lot out about their, how they're dynamic, like, what's safe, what's not, what kind of jerk this guy is, or how great he is, or how shame she feels, or who knows what.

[186] I thought it was very telling that he's calling us after two years.

[187] Oh, he's at a breaking point.

[188] He chuckled and said, we're working on it.

[189] They're not working on it.

[190] No, not at all.

[191] And I think that's, again, it's easy, if they broke up today, it would be, quote, unquote, because of the money.

[192] Yeah.

[193] It's not it.

[194] That's right.

[195] It's because she deceived him about the money and then would not participate in making it right.

[196] Yeah.

[197] Right?

[198] It's like somebody who cheats on their spouse and then says, okay, to reestablish trust, I need to see your phone every day.

[199] I ain't looking at my phone.

[200] Right?

[201] That's the issue there.

[202] I don't have no interest in making this thing better.

[203] Yeah.

[204] Good stuff there.

[205] I hate that, man. Phone numbers 388 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[206] A lot of stuff revolving around money, and it's not always just the money issue.

[207] Let's go to Michelle now, who's waiting for us in Cincinnati, Ohio.

[208] Michelle, how can we help?

[209] Hi, thank you so much for taking my call.

[210] Sure, what's up?

[211] My mom, unfortunately, passed away unexpectedly in February.

[212] Oh, so sorry about that.

[213] Thank you.

[214] Me, too.

[215] And I have come into a sizable inheritance.

[216] I'm the only kid, and she wasn't married when she passed.

[217] So it's more money than I've ever seen.

[218] How much?

[219] How much?

[220] About $1 .5 million split across different avenues.

[221] So there's $440 in investments.

[222] Okay.

[223] $4 .40 in investments.

[224] Okay.

[225] There's $600 that's in life insurance money.

[226] that's just right now sitting in a interest -bearing account until I know what to do with it.

[227] Okay.

[228] And then there's $350 ,000 that is going to come from selling her house, which I'm in the process of doing now.

[229] That's what you'll net?

[230] Yeah.

[231] Okay.

[232] So what's your question?

[233] We've got about two minutes.

[234] So we want to make sure we get to your key question.

[235] My question is my goal is to invest most of the money.

[236] but currently my husband and I have a mortgage sitting at 307 ,000 and it's at a three and a quarter interest rate.

[237] And I was wondering if you would advise that I take some of the inheritance money and completely pay off our mortgage because that's our only remaining debt.

[238] Yes, instantly.

[239] What was your mom's name?

[240] Okay.

[241] Loretta.

[242] Loretta.

[243] So imagine yourself having a cup of coffee with Loretta this morning.

[244] and here in Nashville, it was kind of cool, it was kind of chilly, and it was beautiful out.

[245] And you smile at Loretta, at your mom, and you say, hey, mom, you know that money you left me?

[246] I don't owe anybody else anything on our house ever.

[247] We're free because of you.

[248] Would Loretta pound the table and go, how dare you pay off your house?

[249] Or would she smile and say, yes.

[250] Yeah, she would definitely smile.

[251] I think that this money was set up, you know, so that I would be set up, and I just want to make sure I'm, you know, doing the right thing with it.

[252] Well, yes, and let's look practically.

[253] If I heard you right, you got $600 ,000 from her life insurance policy that's sitting in a money market or interest -paring account right now.

[254] You've got the $600K sitting there.

[255] So we're telling you to cut the check today.

[256] I'd honor her today.

[257] I'd go have a big dinner tonight and celebrate her, toast, mom.

[258] Yeah.

[259] Have them set a table for three.

[260] Oh, that's cool.

[261] Right?

[262] Yeah.

[263] And maybe order her favorite dessert and do something fun to thank her for this special day because I would be free of that mortgage if I were you.

[264] Right now.

[265] Right now as soon as we hang up, which we're going to go ahead and do that for you so you can do it.

[266] Thank you.

[267] So sorry for your loss, but excited for your future.

[268] And this is what legacy looks like moms and dads.

[269] This is what it's about right here.

[270] Wow.

[271] A life well lived and what a great legacy that will live on for a long, long time.

[272] This is the Ramsey show.

[273] Hey good folks, the back to school madness is upon us.

[274] It's hitting us right now.

[275] We got travel and work and all these forms to fill out now and sports to travel to and on and on.

[276] My family's schedule is so packed and we haven't even begun talking about things like exercise and date nights and counseling and church and home projects.

[277] And those are the things that make our life even worth living.

[278] Here's what I've learned.

[279] When it comes to taking care of me, I have to put on my oxygen mask first, and that means that I have to do the things that keep me well and whole.

[280] And I know that you have to do those same things too.

[281] So don't skip the things that matter to you, including regular exercise, hanging out with your friends and regular therapy appointments.

[282] And when it comes to therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp.

[283] BetterHelp is a hundred percent online therapy staffed with licensed therapists.

[284] It's convenient, it's flexible, and it's suited to fit your schedule.

[285] And therapy can help you learn positive coping skills, how to set and practice boundaries, how to become the best version of yourself, and most importantly, how to find peace in all of this chaos.

[286] In this upcoming season, make sure you put on your oxygen mask first.

[287] Never skip therapy day.

[288] Call my friends at BetterHelp.

[289] Visit BetterHelp .com slash Deloney today for 10 % off your first month.

[290] That's BetterHelp, H -E -L -P .com.

[291] This is where you get an honest and hopeful opinion about the problems in your life, your money problems, your relationship problems, your work problems.

[292] This is The Ramsey Show.

[293] So excited that you're with us.

[294] I'm Ken Coleman.

[295] Dr. John Deloney joins me, and we're here for you.

[296] The phone number is AAA 8255 -225 -2 -25.

[297] Triple -8 -8 -25 -2 -25.

[298] All right, for those of you out there who like a deal.

[299] means all you people.

[300] That's the Ramsey audience right there.

[301] All you rice and beans people, oh, I'm waiting on the discount.

[302] Every time we put out a new book, we always hear on social media, I'm waiting, man. I got to wait until it's in the budget.

[303] And we like hearing that.

[304] We do want you to buy our stuff, but we do want you to do it the right way.

[305] And so our May campaign, this is an exciting thing here.

[306] We always have this awesome, awesome offering of stuff, all of our stuff in the month of May. And Friday, coming up, this Friday is our last.

[307] day to shop the May sale and get the bestselling products with the best price is baby steps millionaires Dave's classic number one best seller under $16 that's how extraordinary people build extraordinary wealth how about Dr. John's book building a non -anxious life for less than $18 boy you can't like the sound of that I see Hank I saw your boy the other day he's going to eat you out of house and home so we need to tell Dave no more $18 for you I will I will advocate on your behalf that kid has a hollow leg he's humongous He's big and thin.

[308] But I've seen your two boys, and now the paycheck to purpose for under $16.

[309] America.

[310] That won't cut my bacon bill.

[311] My bacon bill alone.

[312] I got two giant kids that are just filling out.

[313] Yeah, paycheck to purpose is under 16.

[314] And by the way, more bestselling books so that you can get confidence to win in your money, in your relationships, and at work.

[315] Ramsey Solutions .com slash store.

[316] Ramsey Solutions .com slash store.

[317] again, the sale is Friday at 1159 p .m. So there you go.

[318] Don't miss that.

[319] All right, back to the phones we go.

[320] San Francisco, California is where Gabby is.

[321] Gabby, how can we help?

[322] Hi, Gabby.

[323] Hey, Gabby.

[324] Hey, so, first of all, I just want to say my fiancé and I love this show so much.

[325] But I'm calling because I wanted to get your guys' advice.

[326] I got accepted into nursing school, and that would prospectively start in August.

[327] Last year, while I was finishing up my nursing prerequisites, I actually got a job in local government, and I just wanted your guys' perspective or advice on whether or not I should stay at this job or whether I should go for it and go into nursing school.

[328] Okay.

[329] Before we tell you what we think, I'm curious about what you're thinking right now.

[330] Where are you planning right now before you get anybody else's advice?

[331] I've honestly been back and forth.

[332] I feel like there's no wrong answer.

[333] The reasons why I don't want to go into the nursing school is because I'm getting married in March of next year.

[334] So, you know, there is a wedding to be paid for, and then I'm also a little bit nervous about not working for two and a half years while the program.

[335] Yeah, while I'm in the program.

[336] By the way, very good reasons.

[337] Let's have a little hypothetical.

[338] What if you didn't lose your income?

[339] What if the income was still there and you could go to nursing school without any loss of income?

[340] How would that change your decision?

[341] Or would it?

[342] I would totally do it.

[343] Wait a second.

[344] What?

[345] You're telling me with no financial risk or hardship you would jump into nursing school, why?

[346] It's just, I mean, when you put it like that, I know, I'm being sneaky, but there's a reason.

[347] Tell me why.

[348] Why would you jump at it if you knew there was no financial hardship or sacrifice?

[349] Because it's something that I've always wanted to do.

[350] I've always wanted to be in healthcare.

[351] And obviously, I've been working at this for a really long time.

[352] And yeah, I would love to be a nurse.

[353] I want to be a nurse.

[354] I don't enjoy my job.

[355] really here, but it's a comfy, you know, I work in local government.

[356] It's a comfy job, great benefits.

[357] I get every other side of off.

[358] I get to work remote.

[359] Like, you know, there's so many things that are good about this job.

[360] Oh, just so comfortable until the day it becomes miserable.

[361] I want to bring in my psychologist, expert, pal.

[362] Before we get into the money side of this, John, I feel like I've dug enough here.

[363] There's the sandbox.

[364] What do you think, buddy?

[365] I was just trying to keep a quick note, Gabby, of what is Gabby's soul worth?

[366] And what I got was good insurance and every other Friday off.

[367] I will tell you, the cost for my soul is way higher than that.

[368] Come on.

[369] And yours should be too.

[370] Yeah, that's the thing.

[371] I don't really like what I do.

[372] I mean, it's just, it was just a job to get me through and to save money.

[373] until I got into nursing school, but honestly, my family makes me feel a little crazy for wanting to leave, like, a comfy desk.

[374] And your family's broke.

[375] Okay, here we go.

[376] By the way, you're talking to the two worst possible hosts you could have called on this issue.

[377] Because I wrote a book called From Paycheck to Purpose, and that's all I think about is meaning in the soul.

[378] And then you've got a psychologist here who, you know, I can't even get through half a sentence without him knowing what I'm thinking.

[379] So, John, let's camp here because this is the problem.

[380] We've got a family who is projecting their own fears.

[381] Dare I say their own failures on Sweet Gabby.

[382] Is that right?

[383] Am I wrong?

[384] Tell me I'm right.

[385] The things that they didn't do in their life, they probably were paycheck to paycheck.

[386] They were grinders.

[387] And then you got this magic thing called a government job, which is stable.

[388] It's got a pension.

[389] Pardon me while I choke over there.

[390] Are you crazy?

[391] Right?

[392] Are we on to something, Gabby?

[393] That's exactly, but it is.

[394] Yes, no, that's exactly what.

[395] what it is.

[396] I live, I mean, the cost of living is high here.

[397] I make about 95, which is.

[398] Which is about $3 an hour in San Francisco.

[399] Yeah.

[400] And by the way, you know the San Francisco government is not what we would call stable.

[401] Am I right, Gabby?

[402] There's a lot to be said.

[403] All right, so let's dive into the money piece, because we've already established that you're going to nursing school.

[404] You're going to nursing school if you want our opinion, and we know why you're getting pressure.

[405] And by the way, we're not demonizing your family at all, but we can kind of call out some stuff and say some stuff that maybe you don't feel comfortable sane, right?

[406] And we're not even going to make you agree because we already know we're right.

[407] All right.

[408] But, okay, how much money did you save?

[409] You said the purpose of this government job was to save money for nursing school.

[410] So here we sit.

[411] Did you save any money?

[412] If you did, how much?

[413] I had about 15 ,000, but I just had to get my car repaired recently.

[414] so I'm down to about 10 .5 today, but I have about 20 ,000 in a 529 account.

[415] Okay, and how much is nursing school going to cost you all in?

[416] 15.

[417] How much?

[418] 15 ,000.

[419] Okay, good.

[420] So we're great.

[421] So now, John, we've got the wedding, the wedding planning, and she's got to save up for that.

[422] We're going to cash flow that because that's the other thing that you're bringing up.

[423] And then we've got the month -to -month expenses.

[424] So two quick questions.

[425] How much do you think the wedding is going to cost?

[426] And then quickly tell us, how are you going to survive during nursing school without the cushy government job?

[427] So the wedding, my fiance and I budgeted about $30 ,000.

[428] We've already made payments towards it.

[429] So I'm estimating about $20 ,000 left.

[430] I have set a deadline for myself for August to save as much money as I can.

[431] while I'm still at this job.

[432] Great.

[433] And then my fiancé also has many saves, and obviously he's also going to be contributing.

[434] So we're going to be able to cover that cash, right?

[435] It's looking like it.

[436] All right.

[437] So how are you going to take care of yourself during nursing school?

[438] So my fiancé, God bless him.

[439] He's totally reassured me and taken on the responsibility and has said, you know, I'll get us through and I'll take care of us.

[440] Do you all already live together?

[441] But yes.

[442] Okay.

[443] Two weeks ago, a friend of mine who's a comedian and her boyfriend, now husband, who's a comedian, I said, why don't you just come over to my house and get married?

[444] And they did.

[445] The Delonies threw a wedding.

[446] Did you do the service?

[447] I did the service.

[448] Did you get online?

[449] You did the whole thing?

[450] Oh, it's amazing.

[451] You're ordained?

[452] And Josephine was the flower girl.

[453] It was perfect.

[454] Here's what I'm saying.

[455] Get married right now, today.

[456] Get through nursing school together.

[457] and then throw an amazing wedding party.

[458] Just get this thing done.

[459] Go to nursing school.

[460] Gosh, we got to do an online service for a premium where you marry people.

[461] And by the way, for a small part of your fee, I'll sing.

[462] Actually, we'll have to pay people for that.

[463] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[464] That was a bad idea.

[465] Good stuff.

[466] Hey, thanks for the call.

[467] This is The Ramsey Show.

[468] I've been doing this show for over 30 years, and some of the saddest calls I have taken are from situational.

[469] that are completely preventable.

[470] Yeah, and what's so hard is I feel like one of those, especially the ones that I'm like, oh, it's terrible.

[471] People that call in and their spouse has passed away suddenly, and they don't have life insurance.

[472] When you have to think through, how am I going to pay my bills?

[473] I'm going to eat next week.

[474] Yeah, in the middle of all that grief.

[475] Like, it's just, it is.

[476] It's terrible.

[477] So life insurance is the one thing, especially as a mom with three little kids that I'm, like, so big on for people to get because it's inexpensive.

[478] Zander is the place that Winston and I actually get all of our life insurance.

[479] And it doesn't cost much because Xander shops among a gazillion different companies.

[480] It doesn't cost much.

[481] You just have to admit that someday you're not going to be here.

[482] You've got to say it out loud and you've got to say, I'm going to say, I love you to my family by taking care of them and taking the time to put this stuff in place.

[483] The cost of stinking pizza.

[484] To get a free quote, call 800 -356 -42 -82.

[485] That's 800 -356 -4282 or go to zander .com.

[486] Welcome back to The Ramsey Show.

[487] Hey, if this show is helping you out, we would love for you to consider subscribing.

[488] leaving a review and sharing the show with someone that you think it can help, whether you are on podcast, radio, YouTube, and all the other platforms that I'm probably unaware of.

[489] AAA 825 -2 -2 -25 is the phone number, AAA 825 -5 -2 -25.

[490] I'm Ken Coleman.

[491] Dr. John Deloney joins me this hour, and we're here for you taking your money questions, your relationship questions, your work questions.

[492] All three of those areas come together if you are winning in life.

[493] they also are fragmented and fractured, if you will, if you're not winning.

[494] So we want to help you.

[495] Shauna's up next in Amarillo, Texas.

[496] Don't sing, John.

[497] Shana, how can we help?

[498] There it is.

[499] I knew he couldn't resist.

[500] Shana, how are you?

[501] Hi, thank you guys for taking my call.

[502] I'm good.

[503] Good.

[504] What's going on?

[505] I was calling because I have started reading the Total Money Makeover, and I'm wanting to get started on my baby steps.

[506] but I'm having a hard time with my budget getting started.

[507] I'm a single mom, and I stay at home.

[508] I am unemployed, and I'm only getting about 50 to 150 a week currently, just odd jobs and selling things out of our home.

[509] Wow.

[510] And I guess my question is, how do I increase my income as a single stay -at -home mom?

[511] And I'm stay -at -home because I can't afford to send them to child care.

[512] Right.

[513] Are you getting child support payments?

[514] Is that how you're sustaining yourself?

[515] No. I actually, I just donate plasma and I babysit when I can, in addition to selling old toys and furniture, just whatever I can get rid of.

[516] So you are, you and you're, tell me about the child.

[517] One, two, how many?

[518] I have a four -year -old and a ten -month -old.

[519] Oh, my gosh.

[520] A four -year -old and a ten -month -old, and if I heard you right, you're making somewhere between $600 to, $400 a month.

[521] Am I hearing that right?

[522] That's correct, yes.

[523] How are you feeding the children?

[524] We currently are receiving state benefits.

[525] How much?

[526] And we get about, I'd say about 800 for food.

[527] Anything else?

[528] I'm trying to get the entire financial picture.

[529] What's the total amount of money you've got coming in between everything you've told us so far and the, any other benefits from the state?

[530] My children are on Medicaid.

[531] I'm still young enough that my dad is carrying me on his health insurance.

[532] And we're living in HUD housing, so I only pay about $28 for rent.

[533] Okay.

[534] But you're just barely scraping up.

[535] All right.

[536] Let's talk about your support system.

[537] Any family or good friends in the area where you are?

[538] I've got most of my family here with me, and they help me when they can.

[539] but most of them are working 40 -plus hours a week.

[540] And the other ones are not old enough or too old to keep up with my children.

[541] Does your family go to church, or do they have any kind of community outside of church, outside of the immediate family, where they would know maybe some grandmas who are retired?

[542] Yes, we belong to a church here that I've grown up going to.

[543] but I haven't, that's mostly my family as well, too, about half of the church I'm related to.

[544] Okay, so here, let me tell you where my brain is going, and I'm really going to recommend that you try this.

[545] If you strike out, you strike out.

[546] One of the things I would be looking at is if there a grandmother, somebody who's retired, and they're still young enough and vibrant enough to where they could potentially help out during the week for you, because I understand that there's no way you can send your kids to a traditional daycare.

[547] But I'm trying to get very creative here, and I think you ought to ask.

[548] You have nothing to lose.

[549] Do you understand what I'm saying?

[550] Yes, sir.

[551] Because if you could put some of that money, you don't have a lot of it, but if they could help out some, that could give you more options.

[552] My concern is, is how are you going to be able to knock down a full -time or at least a substantive part -time job with the four -month -old, or excuse me, the 10 -month -old?

[553] I'm not thinking so.

[554] I was recently offered a job, but it was only going to be $12 an hour and after the child care cost in our area, even I found someone...

[555] No, no, no, no. Listen, I'm sorry.

[556] I'm not talking about going out and putting the kids in chalk.

[557] I'm saying working from home, which there are a lot of remote jobs.

[558] There's customer care where you're just customer service.

[559] I'm going to ask you a few questions in a second.

[560] We'll try to come up with some other ideas.

[561] But my point is, how much time do you really have to actually work with that baby?

[562] I see.

[563] I was managing to work 30 hours when she was from two months to about four months old.

[564] Okay.

[565] Or six months, something like that.

[566] Okay.

[567] That tells me a lot.

[568] John, what I'm digging here is I want to know what your commitment is because right now you've got some family support but not as it relates to child care.

[569] sound like, but if you're willing to work the 30 hours and you've done it before, then once babies are in bed, you may have to work harder than you've ever worked in your entire life to get a baseline here.

[570] So real quick, and I want John to jump in as well, but just let's talk about your skill set.

[571] Give me two or three things that just baseline level, you've got some talent.

[572] You were good at it in high school, whether I'm, Ken, I'm organized or I'm really good at talking to people.

[573] I'm looking for just some basic skills that you know you have to offer.

[574] What are they?

[575] Give me two or three.

[576] I'm not afraid of hard work.

[577] In high school, I helped remodeling houses.

[578] I've worked in child care.

[579] I've worked in retail.

[580] I think I'm pretty versatile when it comes to work.

[581] Okay.

[582] All right.

[583] So here are a couple things I hear right away.

[584] I hear that you can talk to people.

[585] So there might be some remote sales positions where you're smiling and dialing.

[586] Maybe you've got some leads depending on the company.

[587] Certainly there's a lot of stay -at -home jobs where people are doing customer service.

[588] So essentially you're answering a customer service hotline.

[589] They teach you on how to do it.

[590] I would be looking for things like that right now to see if I can get 30 hours and if I could be making 15 to 20 bucks an hour.

[591] But you've got to be looking for stuff like that where you can say, I've got experience.

[592] Here's what I've done before and they're looking for people.

[593] And these jobs aren't glamorous, Shauna, but we don't care about glamour right now, do we?

[594] No. Yeah.

[595] John, I want to bring you in here.

[596] What are you hearing and you feeling?

[597] Two things.

[598] One is just a continuation of what you were just saying.

[599] You work real hard and you're not scared of hard work.

[600] And so I'm wondering if there is something to be said for the next six months, the next seven months.

[601] Is this ideal?

[602] Absolutely not.

[603] You are not in an ideal situation.

[604] You know that.

[605] We all know that.

[606] But somebody in your family gets home at 5 o 'clock and you go throw boxes until midnight.

[607] And you'd make $20 an hour at the late shift at Walmart.

[608] and then you come home and then you do that again and you do it again and you're a single mom who's so tired it's hard to even open your eyes and you are blazing a trail through a forest that nobody's traveled before for those kids and they're going to look up and yes you're going to miss some time yes you're going to be exhausted yes you're going to be stumbling around and in two years three years four years you're going to have your own place and you're going to have some security that you don't have right now okay but we're at the level of radical.

[609] The other thing is, is I spent 20 years out in West Texas.

[610] I know you are on a precipice that if you don't act with this, like decisively soon, you're going to cross into the matrix that's almost impossible to get out of, the poverty matrix.

[611] You know what I'm talking about?

[612] Yes, sir.

[613] Okay.

[614] You're right there on the edge, aren't you?

[615] Yes.

[616] Okay.

[617] I am going to do something and I haven't even made this phone call, but I'm going to make the phone call.

[618] two of my mentors, Lynn and Steve Jennings, who owned Jennings Counseling and Associates out there in Emerillo, Texas.

[619] They're going to give you two free sessions, okay?

[620] Yes, sir.

[621] And I want you to go meet with them with the goal of finding work and finding the...

[622] Because you've been knocked down recently too, haven't you?

[623] Yes, sir.

[624] Yeah.

[625] And he has so much to offer.

[626] They're going to stand up for you.

[627] And Jennings and Associates, Lynn and Steve, we have not talked about this, but I just know your hearts.

[628] And so you're going to take care of the sweet woman.

[629] I want you to stay on the line, Shauna, but you have to decide we're going to get radical, radical, radical right now.

[630] And I will not become another statistic.

[631] And then we're going to wrap some support around you.

[632] And like Ken said, you're going to have to go ask some uncomfortable questions.

[633] Will you help me?

[634] Will you help me?

[635] Will you help me?

[636] Yeah.

[637] And let's do this too.

[638] Sean, we're also going to give you my get clear assessment in the new book, find the work you're to do.

[639] Not for the short term, but I want you to begin seeing that there is a path that John's talking about.

[640] But first and foremost, you've got to do everything that John said.

[641] We'll give you that tool because we want you to be looking forward.

[642] This is The Ramsey Show.

[643] Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is the Ramsey Show.

[644] It's where you get help to win in your life, specifically in your money life, in your relationship life, and in your work life.

[645] We are here for you.

[646] AAA 8255 -2 -2 -2 -4.

[647] triple -8 -8 -8 -25 -2 -2 -25.

[648] I'm Ken Coleman, Dr. John Aloney, joins me, and we are here for you this hour.

[649] Let's get right to the phones.

[650] Daniel is up in Syracuse, New York.

[651] Daniel, how can we help?

[652] Hey, John, I'm privileged to speak to you out.

[653] How are you doing?

[654] Good.

[655] Hey, can you maybe move your phone a little bit?

[656] It feels like you might be a bit muffled so we can hear you better.

[657] How about now?

[658] Oh, perfect.

[659] Daniel, what a lovely voice you have.

[660] What's going on?

[661] Hey, appreciate it.

[662] So I've got a question on my parents.

[663] They are pretty deeply in debt and just wondering how I might be able to talk to them, but having some kind of walls come up as I'm talking to them about their debt because they're in about $60 ,000 of credit card debt, and it's been a struggle.

[664] Is that the only debt they have?

[665] They've got their mortgage.

[666] They say that in about three years, it'll be paid off.

[667] They've got cars as well.

[668] I'm not sure how much they got pretty nice cars, like a toilet and a Mazda, relatively maybe a couple years old.

[669] Okay.

[670] How old are you?

[671] I'm 30.

[672] Have they called and asked you your insights and opinions on their credit card debt?

[673] Absolutely not.

[674] It's been my experience and the experience of those of us who do this show.

[675] Parents don't like receiving unsolicited feedback on their money or their sex life from their children.

[676] Just as a general rule.

[677] Hold on a second.

[678] Just a quick question.

[679] Are 30 -year -olds talking to their parents about their sex life?

[680] I got the money thing, but you just threw me for a loop there.

[681] Yeah, it's just, it's the new, it's this, it's part of the, I'm best friends with my kid generation.

[682] Oh, I see.

[683] And we talk about quote unquote everything.

[684] There's people in the audience like, nope, no, no, no, no, no, no, my body was waiting to release that one.

[685] I just, no, but, okay, keep going, Daniel.

[686] So here's a deal.

[687] You love your parents, don't you, and you hate seeing him struggle, right?

[688] Oh, yeah, it's the worst thing.

[689] through it.

[690] How did it come up, by the way?

[691] The first time you made...

[692] Yeah, no, no. How did the whole conversation about their debt come up?

[693] I'm curious.

[694] He's been through it for decades, but I recently want to talk to them about it because now, hey, I'm on the Ramsey plans these past couple months.

[695] I can actually see a way up for my financial future.

[696] Like, hey, perfect for my parents.

[697] Let me try to help you guys out.

[698] So you called him up with the formula for Cold Fusion.

[699] You were very enthusiastic about it.

[700] okay i'm caught up john yeah hey man uh you're 30 and you're you've probably seen this before but uh and you'll continue to see this throughout your life one of the hardest things to experience as a person is watching people you love continue to make decisions that you know are hurting them and who they will not take your advice they don't want your input um and it's just heartbreaking because you've got a plan you You got a plan, and they don't want anything to do with it.

[701] And they're choosing this to be where they are right now, and that's just hard.

[702] I think the greatest thing you could do is not judge them and not lob grenades at them, but you continue to live by example and become a person so full of light and joy that they have to stop and go, dude, what have you done?

[703] You could say, I don't owe anybody anything.

[704] I could do whatever I want.

[705] And maybe, just maybe, you can sit down and have that conversation with him.

[706] Daniel, when you brought it up, was there real tension?

[707] I mean, and we don't need to hear blow by blow, but I'm just curious, has this been a very tense situation on a scale of 1 to 10, one being chilled, 10 being World War III?

[708] Where would you put this conversation?

[709] How would you rank it?

[710] I'm going somewhere with this.

[711] Yeah, I'd say three or four.

[712] They're willing to talk about it, but as soon as it comes down to, hey, maybe we should look at income and expenses and talk about a budget, then that's, well, let's change the subject.

[713] Yeah, of course.

[714] So here's, I want to run this by John, run this through the proper psychological process.

[715] If I were you, Daniel, I'd probably call them back pretty soon or sit down with them and just go, hey, listen, I've been thinking I came on a little hot.

[716] And I know you guys are adults, and here's a deal.

[717] I had no. intention of dishonoring or disrespecting you.

[718] So here's what I wanted you guys to hear me say, Mom, Dad, you heard my two cents.

[719] If you want to hear it, you know where to find me. I did not mean to do anything other than just help, but I realize I crossed the line.

[720] Will you forgive me?

[721] And I would leave it at that because I think that that will give you the shot at them coming to you when they realized they need it.

[722] I just feel they were just disrespected.

[723] They're like, who are you, Whippersnapper, John?

[724] That's exactly what it is.

[725] It's the powdered butt syndrome.

[726] I powdered your butt, so I don't want to hear your thoughts on money.

[727] And there's a little bit of shame, right?

[728] There's a little bit of, hey, how are you guys spending your money?

[729] Like, whoa, whoa, slow down.

[730] And Daniel, you don't know this, but I remember when I was seeing counseling clients in my practical, man, they would tell me about their love lives, about their intimacy lives, they'd tell me everything.

[731] They would not talk about their debt.

[732] They wouldn't talk about their money because it's such a source of shame and so it may be that your parents are trying to protect you from how tough things really are and they don't want to scare you they don't want to be embarrassed and so there's just a lot wrapped up in that and so i love kin's wisdom calling back and say dude i was out of line i'm sorry you don't even ask and i'm here throwing grenades like i'm a 30 -year -old know -it -all um this is working for me in my house if you'll ever have questions man you call anytime night or day and i'll be there for you but i'm not going to let this get in the way of how much I love you guys.

[733] That makes sense.

[734] And I was really hoping, Dr. John, you were going to say, hey, just let them know how you feel, how is the fucking you, and maybe they might be willing to, but sounds like that's not a good route to go.

[735] If they ask you, then yes.

[736] I do think at 30 is the age when my dad and I, and again, my dad is a homicide detective, so we joked and talked about death way too much in my house and probably more than it was healthy.

[737] But 30 was when we started talking about wills and where stuff was and where the insurance paperwork and the state of things in our house.

[738] And so maybe in that same conversation, you can say, I'm just nervous about I want to honor you guys in the future.

[739] I did this wrong.

[740] I came off trying to tell you how to handle your money.

[741] That's not my job.

[742] But I do want to talk about, do you have a will?

[743] Where is it?

[744] Like, let's just make sure we're all on the same page as I'm getting older.

[745] and that may be another entry point into the conversation.

[746] Okay.

[747] Yeah, I think, I think, John, if he goes that route, and you didn't give him that advice, because it still couldn't come across the wrong way if he's like, this is how it's affecting me. No, yeah, they didn't ask for it.

[748] Yeah, they'll stop you, like, I didn't ask you how this is affecting you, right?

[749] I could see my day go, get over it.

[750] I don't know why it's affecting you that way, pal, you know?

[751] Yeah.

[752] It's very interesting.

[753] The dynamic is really interesting.

[754] I was talking to somebody the other day, because I'm in that stage now where my parents are in their 70s and you're beginning to see the slowdown they're still quite there cognitively but it is a really tough relationship scenario to start stepping in at some point you do have to take on the role of the parent but boy that's never easy is it no and that's why I love I mean I've just been blessed to see it done it's such a quote unquote the right way with my family talking about it before there was any emergencies talking about I know where the will is I've got a copy at my house.

[755] I know where the stuff is at my dad's house.

[756] So just knowing before we get into some of those hard things.

[757] But yeah, that switch is always messy, messy, messy.

[758] And the more honest and open we can be, the better.

[759] Tough stuff.

[760] We're rooting for you, Daniel.

[761] Hang in there.

[762] Just honor them and then let it play out.

[763] And I know that's harder to do that it is for me to say.

[764] This is The Ramsey Show.

[765] Welcome back, America.

[766] You're listening to The Ramsey Show.

[767] The phone number is AAA -8 -25 -2 -2 -25 -2 -2 -5 -2 -5 -3 -8 -8 -8 -8 -8.

[768] 255 -2 -2 -25.

[769] I'm Ken Coleman.

[770] Dr. John Deloney joins me. We're here for you.

[771] And we go to Denver, Colorado next where Dane is joining us.

[772] Dane, how can we help?

[773] I love that.

[774] Why is that so funny to me?

[775] I don't know.

[776] Dane, if you were my friend, I'd call you great Dane.

[777] What's up?

[778] I would too.

[779] I hear it all the time.

[780] How are you guys?

[781] We're doing well.

[782] Kind of deflated now.

[783] I thought I just made that up, but such it is.

[784] No, no. So what's up?

[785] Every baseball coach since I've been Hello, Jared.

[786] All right, my wife and I are in a debate right now.

[787] Should we hold off on building a second home until we can cash flow it?

[788] I've heard y 'all mention before that second homes are quote -unquote toys, but does this apply if my primary residence is already paid for?

[789] Do you have any other debt?

[790] No, I have zero debt.

[791] Yeah, and I'm a babysat millionaire.

[792] My net worth is always.

[793] like 1 .5.

[794] I saved 23 % of my income.

[795] How much money do you have, how much money do you have set aside for this second home?

[796] Well, we've been cash flowing up to this point.

[797] Last four years, we've done $89 ,000 and that did the land, the septic, the well, the access road, the electricity, and a foundation.

[798] Okay.

[799] So my real problem, my wife wants to wait.

[800] just cash flow at all.

[801] And I do see the point in doing that.

[802] But my problem is a full rush for time.

[803] I'm trying to do this for us to enjoy with kids up in the mountains of Colorado.

[804] And it's going to take us about seven years to do that.

[805] My daughter will be 18.

[806] My son will be 15 at that point, you know?

[807] So that's kind of what I'm up against.

[808] I'm not opposed to waiting.

[809] It's just, it isn't what I thought.

[810] Well, no, you are because, no, hold on, you are.

[811] You are.

[812] You're opposed to it.

[813] And she wants to cash flow the rest of it.

[814] And you're like, no, man, I've sacrificed and waited long enough.

[815] And that's why you guys are having the debate.

[816] So you call us.

[817] Correct.

[818] Hey, we're having a debate.

[819] And which way you think we're leaning in this debate position, at least which way I'll go first, which way you think I'm going on this one?

[820] I know which way y 'all are going to go.

[821] I just thought I could be the exception to the rule.

[822] You know, Dane, I will say, you have an exceptional name, and we already told you how great it was.

[823] No pun intended.

[824] But you don't get a pass on this.

[825] Now, my question becomes, now this is the way I think, John.

[826] Dane, I understand completely how you feel.

[827] I mean, I get it.

[828] I completely understand that.

[829] I'm in the same situation on a pool and some other things that I want to do for the family, and I got my first one leaving the nest, and I've been through all that crap, and I get it.

[830] It's the wrong narrative.

[831] But I get it.

[832] So my question becomes, how do you shorten that timeline with more income?

[833] That would be my immediate position.

[834] I'm going, all right, I'm not going to go into debt.

[835] I've been so disciplined at this point.

[836] I got the daggone foundation poured, right?

[837] So now, how do I turn, did you say seven years?

[838] How do I turn seven into three?

[839] What's the number that would do that?

[840] Well, I'm already stretched in, man. I didn't ask that.

[841] I didn't ask that.

[842] I get it.

[843] I literally, I can't do anymore.

[844] I mean, I work, I have three jobs.

[845] I wrote some successful books that I gain revenue on.

[846] I'm working on another one.

[847] Okay, hold on.

[848] I'm with you, but I still asked you, what's the number roughly that would turn seven years into three?

[849] About 100 ,000.

[850] Okay.

[851] And how much are you bringing in, how much are you bringing in with these three jobs and all these books?

[852] Um, it varies, book sales up and down.

[853] But I'm at, um, low in like 140, high in, like 160.

[854] Okay.

[855] And that's all in.

[856] That's all the jobs, all the books.

[857] That's everything.

[858] What's your primary income?

[859] What, what, what, what field are you in?

[860] What do you do?

[861] Yeah.

[862] I'm, I'm a land surveyor for the state of Colorado.

[863] And, uh, I can do a lot of the work, I already have done as much as I can on the property myself as far as that goes.

[864] What are the other two jobs that you're spending all this time on?

[865] Yeah, I'm licensed across the country, so the state of Oregon is very low on licensed land surveyors, so I work part -time for some firms out there, and that pretty much takes up my nights, sometimes my weekends too.

[866] And what's the third job?

[867] well i have two of those firms okay so yeah i'm i'm doing that for two firms then i got my normal state job and then is there a way for you to make more money than doing those two surveying things feels like that's capped income and it takes a lot of time right yeah or is there a way for you to partner with your wife and say all right well cash flow this but i need your help getting a job over the next three years, maybe even part -time.

[868] And I understand we want to keep the house free, but also I don't want this thing to be built as our daughter's leaving the house to go to college.

[869] Would she participate in that way?

[870] Yeah.

[871] She does.

[872] She manages some like Airbnb style places for some people.

[873] She makes, I don't know, like 800 bucks a month doing that.

[874] Okay, so here's what I'm challenging you on.

[875] And, John, jump in here.

[876] I just think you guys are exchanging too much time for the money you're making.

[877] If I was all in and I needed $100 ,000, and my guess is you don't need $100, do you?

[878] Do you need $100 from this point on to get there in three years?

[879] Or do you got some of the $100 saved?

[880] No. I can throw about $50 at it.

[881] But that's kind of like our emergency emergency stuff, you know?

[882] Well, no, no, no, no. We don't use the emergency fund for the dream home.

[883] Well, that's on top the emergency fund.

[884] Okay, so if I'm hearing you right, Dane, you need to make another 50 grand and we cut this timeline in half.

[885] Yep, about, yes.

[886] 50 grand between the two of you?

[887] You guys are spending too much time doing the wrong thing.

[888] The question is, is how do we make more money for our time?

[889] Yeah.

[890] Yeah.

[891] So you're right.

[892] I know.

[893] You know what I would be doing if I were you?

[894] I would be running an exercise on how much am I making, per hour just for fun.

[895] How much am I making per hour as a surveyor outside of my day job?

[896] I get why you went that path.

[897] It makes a lot of sense.

[898] And then how much money is she making per hour?

[899] Start looking at that.

[900] Am I right, John?

[901] And then you lean it up against $22 an hour for throwing boxes at Walmart or $21 an hour working at McDonald's.

[902] And it's not sexy.

[903] But man, if you're surveying and she's cleaning Airbnbs or managing Airbnb properties for less than what you can make at a local Arby's.

[904] I'm going to have some hard conversations with myself.

[905] 50 grand?

[906] I just don't understand how you can come up with seven years from now having 50 grand, unless I misunderstood something.

[907] Well, yeah, I mean, y 'all are right when you'll say, I've heard Mr. Ramsey sell the time.

[908] This is what you think a house is going to cost to build, multiply it by four or two.

[909] That's what's going to cost.

[910] What I'm saying, Dana, is I'm working off your numbers.

[911] But I know.

[912] Yeah, I know.

[913] But my point is, is that if, if what I heard is that you only need 50 more grand to get to that 100, that would allow you to finish this house, bro, that's, that's, that's just a shy above four grand a month.

[914] You guys could figure out a way to do that.

[915] Yeah, we could.

[916] Yeah.

[917] You're right.

[918] So I got to be honest with you, man, this is, I don't get what's going on here.

[919] You're the one holding up your timeline.

[920] Well, don't say that too well.

[921] Well, here, here's, Dane, it's, it's, It's a common thing that we all experience, which is, well, that we pretend that the fences that we've built in our own lives are concrete.

[922] They're just not.

[923] And sometimes it takes a third party like Ken to go push on it and the whole thing falls over and you're like, oh, that, I don't have to do that.

[924] I don't have to do that.

[925] And often it feels like either we have to borrow money or we're going to send our kid away to school and they're never going to get to see the vacation home, neither of which are true.

[926] What's a third and a fourth and a fifth and a sixth option?

[927] maybe we cut the timeline in half maybe she stays at home and does a year whatever the thing we can go down a rabbit hole there but it's always anytime you feel boxed in ask yourself all right hold on I'm gonna invent three or four more options and see if we can make those come true but Ken is right on you're too smart and too savvy and you work too hard you can find 50 grand you and your wife together no question about it man I'm ready to build a house now ugh it's exhausting feel bad for him but you've made it this far stay the course stay the course thanks for the call dane we're rooting for you and you are in fact sir great this is the ramsie show welcome back to the ramsie show where we help you win in your life we help you win with your money win in your relationships and win in your work i'm ken coleman dr john deline joins me and uh boy oh boy i don't know what we did right or wrong wrong to deserve this wrong uh the article in my hands folks is another exhibit that the apocalypse is coming soon.

[928] Some of you're going, what are you talking about?

[929] Well, here's the headline.

[930] This is a New York Post article, which should warn you.

[931] I want an inflation ship.

[932] I want to make sure the audience hears me that I've enunciated properly an inflation ship.

[933] Let's live sexless and financial.

[934] free in the same bed.

[935] Now, this is a headline.

[936] This is a real headline, John.

[937] This is apparently a story about a cash -strap millennial who has recently made a mass plea for a platonic soulmate to move into his bed, split expenses, and live with him fiscally ever after.

[938] This is a guy by the name of Ben Keenan, who's 31 from Seattle, and is a travel influencer.

[939] Make of that what you will.

[940] and the post, of course, is on TikTok, which has become the gutter of our mental society.

[941] It's just garbage.

[942] All right, here's a direct quote, John.

[943] Feel free to jump in at any point.

[944] I'm looking to date somebody.

[945] This is a direct quote.

[946] I'm looking to date somebody so that we can sleep platonically next to each other, and I can have the rent that I pay for a one -bedroom apartment.

[947] He went on to gripe about paying $2 ,000 a month in rent, for a 500 square foot apartment that he lives in alone.

[948] Rent is not created for single people.

[949] This is a real person saying stupid things like this.

[950] This is a real person saying real things.

[951] Bills are not created for single people, John.

[952] Hold on, even better.

[953] This is my favorite part.

[954] My groceries are $200 a week.

[955] Let's talk about the fact that it could be $100 a week because I'm throwing out half of my food because nothing is created for single people.

[956] Apparently, neither are storing devices such as Tupperware.

[957] No. Tupperware, he's throwing out half his food.

[958] I know.

[959] This is a real genius here.

[960] So this gets better.

[961] I need a Platonic soulmate who's going to be sleeping in my bed for the next 100 years.

[962] So this is a complete utter moron who's gone on TikTok and gotten unbelievable amounts of traction because the article goes on to say that people are responding and going, this is a so true.

[963] Adult platonic life partners is the move chimed one supporter.

[964] And on and on the support goes for some of the most illogical moronic statements I've ever heard of my life.

[965] And Dr. John has now pushed himself away from the microphone.

[966] I'll tell you what I'm upset about.

[967] Please break it down.

[968] I'm surprised you made it this far.

[969] Here's what I think is ridiculous in the 21st century.

[970] Where's the miniature unicorns kin?

[971] It's ridiculous.

[972] Well, okay, can I just throw some bit at you?

[973] Why do you have to share the bed with the person?

[974] This sounds like a roommate to me. Oh, how privileged are you?

[975] Because you don't understand what it's like to live in these humongous, cool, hip metropolitan cities and the expensive rents on these teeny tiny closet -sized apartments.

[976] No, I do understand.

[977] But have the roommate.

[978] Why does it get creepy?

[979] Why do you have to have the person in the bed with you?

[980] Can we just do like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore?

[981] If we had that kind of space, jerk.

[982] Oh, so you're saying they have to...

[983] It's because we only have enough space for a queen -sized bed.

[984] For a queen -sized bed.

[985] Yeah.

[986] Okay.

[987] And I'm just curious, are there any women out there that find that to be creepy?

[988] I find it to be creepy if some dudes putting that out there.

[989] I need you to be my platonic partner.

[990] Well, so there's another 36 -year -old entrepreneur from Australia recently revealed she rakes in $600 a month via hotbedding or renting out the unoccupied side of her bed for, extra cash.

[991] Folks, I'm not kidding you.

[992] I am not an alarmist, but today it starts.

[993] If we don't have a meteor crashing down on us inside of six months, then I've missed it because this kind of thinking, I'm not even trying to be irritated.

[994] I just don't understand it, John.

[995] People are renting out the side of their bed.

[996] I got to tell you.

[997] So basically, they made a movie once called Friends with Benefits.

[998] It was Justin Timberlake and Milakunis.

[999] Milakunis, thank you very much.

[1000] And this is Friends Without Benefits.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] Otherwise, a roommate that we sleep in the same bed because we can't afford two beds.

[1003] Is that what you're telling me?

[1004] I feel like you really got to this.

[1005] That's the whole proposal.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] How long before people start proposing that they buy a house like this?

[1008] Renting, by the way, this genius, and this is why you shouldn't be paying attention to any influencer on TikTok.

[1009] This genius has said a couple of things that I need, that, uh, that, uh, that, uh, Bills are not for single people.

[1010] Bills are not for single people.

[1011] Food is not for single people.

[1012] Well, that's great.

[1013] Then I guess if they starve, the bills go away.

[1014] And it makes it a little bit easier for the rest of us.

[1015] This is natural selection, folks, is what this is.

[1016] This is Darwinism at its finest.

[1017] Take it away.

[1018] I don't have to say.

[1019] This is the longest I've been speechless, I think, in my adult life.

[1020] But I have no words to say because this is the absurdity of it all.

[1021] Yeah, things are super expensive.

[1022] But if I don't have anything to add, Ken, this is just insanity and madness and more insanity and more madness.

[1023] Yeah, all right, yeah, because there's always get a better job, get an actual roommate.

[1024] Or move to a community where that you can afford to live in.

[1025] Oh, and here's what's, can I also say this?

[1026] And I'm not trying to be unkind to the folks at the New York Post, but this is the kind of crap that makes the media what they are.

[1027] This is all clickbait.

[1028] and we just played into it, but we did it to do a public service.

[1029] Stop clicking on this crap, folks.

[1030] Inflation ship?

[1031] Really?

[1032] That's the word?

[1033] I mean, man, let's move on to real stuff, shall we?

[1034] Mark's in San Jose, California.

[1035] Mark, please pull us from this distorted world we're in.

[1036] Yes.

[1037] Mark, how's it going?

[1038] That was hilarious.

[1039] Thanks for having me on.

[1040] I'm a huge fan of the show.

[1041] Yeah, I'm married with three kids.

[1042] kids.

[1043] I'm 38 years old.

[1044] I work in tech and I'm making about 400 ,000 a year.

[1045] We had a what we thought was a really smart idea to move away, get off the hamster wheel in the Bay Area and move to Ohio.

[1046] And in doing so, move closer to family and also wipe out our debt entirely.

[1047] No mortgage, no school loans, no nothing.

[1048] And so we enacted this plan.

[1049] And, and, we enacted this plan.

[1050] And, And I'll be getting a 25 % pay cut for cost of living, but then right as we're getting ready to leave, I just got another job offer for $600 ,000 a year.

[1051] And I want to know, it was a smart idea to move away for a 25 % pay cut, $300 ,000 a year, but now is it still a smart plan?

[1052] What are your opinions on this?

[1053] To stay, is the $600K job staying in your area?

[1054] Yeah, exactly.

[1055] It would be still within the Bay Area.

[1056] Okay, hold on.

[1057] Plot Twist.

[1058] Have you thought about moving to Ohio and renting out the middle of your bed?

[1059] Maybe you could get an entire family to all sleep with you guys.

[1060] I'm just saying inflation ship is real.

[1061] I think that's a good point.

[1062] I think you could make up the other gap.

[1063] You know what?

[1064] I stand correct to John.

[1065] There you went and you just totally disproved my entire theory.

[1066] Mark's a smart guy.

[1067] Mark, here's the question.

[1068] Can you not pay everything off with this new $600 ,000 job in a pretty short amount of time?

[1069] I mean, I guess, yeah, my mortgage was about $860 ,000.

[1070] Mark, what do you want to do?

[1071] Yeah, what do you want your life to be, dude?

[1072] Yeah, this is pretty simple.

[1073] No wrong answer.

[1074] What's your heart telling you?

[1075] I think having my kids grow up closer to their family is their extended families.

[1076] Go, done.

[1077] You have our permission to not take the $600 ,000 of your job.

[1078] It's an awesome.

[1079] You're a talented guy.

[1080] You're always going to have opportunity.

[1081] You get to decide, like a few people do, what kind of life do?

[1082] want to have and this is the kind of life you want to have it's it you'll make it up i i don't think that's a pay cut that stays very long i love this decision i agree with john 100 % this is a classic essentially what john and i do when we coach people it's a wrestling match between the head and the heart yeah and the head's going turning down 600 000 are you crazy you're a moron like the guy who wants an inflation ship that's your dad's voice you're not your genius take the life change that you know you guys want.

[1083] Dr. John is absolutely right.

[1084] Thanks for the call, man. Congrats.

[1085] You're getting out of the Bay Area.

[1086] You won the lottery.

[1087] This is The Ramsey Show.

[1088] Welcome back to the Ramsey show.

[1089] Thrilled to have you with us.

[1090] Triple -8 -8 -25 -5 -2 -25 -2 -25 -2 -5 -2 -5 -2 -5 is the phone number.

[1091] Thrill to have you with us.

[1092] I'm Ken Coleman.

[1093] Dr. John Aloney is with me. And speaking about something we're thrilled about, you know, every once in a while, you know, when you do stuff that we get, to do at Ramsey Solutions, which is make products and services to help people, you see something catch fire because it hits a nerve.

[1094] And it feels like the marriage and money event, excuse me, money and marriage.

[1095] I said it wrong.

[1096] The money and marriage event is certainly that.

[1097] Right.

[1098] And they got another one coming up.

[1099] That's right.

[1100] And good news and bad news.

[1101] The bad news is we have one coming up in October and it's sold out in record time.

[1102] Oh, wow.

[1103] So it's gone.

[1104] Congrats.

[1105] The good news is we added another one for Valentine's Day, 2020.

[1106] you're welcome gentlemen we've taken care of everything for you Valentine's Day in the bag 2025 here in Nashville Tennessee you can spend a weekend in Nashville where you and your spouse can get away from the insanity of home life and focus on your marriage two and a half days you can hang out with me and Rachel Cruz and others in just Nashville so you never know who's going to pop in and hear expert teachings on communication sex and intimacy get on the same page with money emotional connection and more tons and tons of Q &A with me and Rachel if you don't get your question answered it's because you didn't ask it there's tons of time to just hang and we also throw a rad rad rad party Ken do you need a DJ it was kind of off the hook I'm not going to lie yeah the party they threw last year was pretty incredible tell me about the party are you allowed to or is this like a you only You only experience it.

[1107] We're not going to tell you about it.

[1108] Yeah.

[1109] All I can say is the next morning when the conference continued after the party.

[1110] Uh -oh.

[1111] A lot of ibuprofen going around?

[1112] No, it wasn't that.

[1113] It was a lot of very happy people.

[1114] There was lots and lots and lots and lots of smiles.

[1115] Oh, I see what you did there.

[1116] The glow of the - Is it warm in here?

[1117] Is it just me?

[1118] The glow of the auditorium was warm.

[1119] Okay.

[1120] See, how did I walk right into the?

[1121] that.

[1122] I'm just telling you.

[1123] It was quite the party.

[1124] By the way, if you want me to DJ, I've got a ton of Chicago and Peter Satera stuff.

[1125] It would, it would slay.

[1126] It's a little side hustle.

[1127] You know, you'd be so good.

[1128] You're the meaning in my life.

[1129] You're the inspiration.

[1130] Thank you.

[1131] Shout out to all my friends in the 80s and 90s.

[1132] Tickets start at $699 and you can get yours while early bird pricing is still happening and save up to $350.

[1133] If you want a VIP level ticket, they may...

[1134] They better be gone.

[1135] Don't be Wilson Phillips and hold on for one more day.

[1136] I'm sorry.

[1137] I know that there's change, but if you hold on for one more day.

[1138] I apologize.

[1139] Break free.

[1140] From the change.

[1141] There it is.

[1142] Oh, I love Wilson Phillips, man. Guys, it's okay.

[1143] February 13th through 15th, get your tickets at Ramsey Solutions .com slash events.

[1144] Running just as fast as we can't, can't, can't.

[1145] It's going to be so good.

[1146] This is going to be good.

[1147] See, why would you not want to come for some of those spontaneous moments?

[1148] It's good stuff.

[1149] Ramsey Solutions .com is where you go to get those tickets.

[1150] That's right.

[1151] Slash Events.

[1152] There it is.

[1153] It's going to be fun.

[1154] All right.

[1155] I'll work on the DJing situation.

[1156] I don't think it's going to happen, but I'm going to try.

[1157] We'll see what happens.

[1158] I know a few people.

[1159] Let's go to Las Vegas, Nevada, where Brian is joining us.

[1160] Brian, how can we help?

[1161] Hey, guys.

[1162] How are you?

[1163] Doing good.

[1164] Thanks for taking my call, Ken, and Dr. John.

[1165] Dr. John, I'd love to hear you sing some more.

[1166] No. No, no. Did you know that's the first time that sentence has been uttered in the English language just then?

[1167] It is true.

[1168] Well, real quick, before I get to my question, I just wanted to thank you guys, all the Ramsey personalities.

[1169] My wife and I listen to, well, I drive that boss every day while we're sitting there eating lunch, and I'm constantly listening to the show.

[1170] So we're like diehards.

[1171] We've taken care of almost all of our debt.

[1172] We're moving into baby step six.

[1173] getting our house is going to be our next thing on our list.

[1174] So we've just been totally stoked over everything that you guys do.

[1175] So thank you for that.

[1176] My question, I've got a 20 -year -old son who is living on his own.

[1177] He's been on his own since he graduated high school.

[1178] And he has managed to go to electrical school to become an electrician, which we were all four.

[1179] I'm super excited for that.

[1180] He had a job in the electrical field for about nine months and said it was too hard, and now he's delivering pizzas at night.

[1181] And so he fell behind, he's got a paid for a car, he's got his apartment, and he's got a $6 ,000 credit card bill.

[1182] Now, to his credit, he handed over the Discover card to me and said, this is out of control and I'm not making good choices with this and I'm like no you're not and so when he went through that transition phase between his electrical job and now he's doing deliveries at night he's just like I just don't think that's for me and whatever and whatever I just don't know what to do to I feel like we're behind he's behind the eight ball a little bit and he's got this awesome career decision he made, and now he's not doing anything about it.

[1183] And I, he gave you a little bit more context.

[1184] He went through a very, very difficult mental health break when he was about 15 years old and recovered from that, and he's much better in that respect.

[1185] So I have to be honest, I've kind of wanted to treat him as a kid.

[1186] a lot and supplement help to him, and I'm just afraid he's going to get to this point.

[1187] He's moving in two months to another apartment, so that's cheaper, right, because he moved two years ago in the middle of the pandemic.

[1188] And I'm just, I told him I'm not co -signing for you, so you better get your stuff together.

[1189] And I just don't know what to do.

[1190] He just does not seem to be taking this too seriously.

[1191] Well, man, John, I want to turn this over to you.

[1192] It was such limited time, but I just want to address one thing on the work piece very quickly.

[1193] I don't want to get out of the way because I think there's a lot going on here.

[1194] On the work piece, Brian, as his dad, I would actually take the pressure off, and you may have already done so.

[1195] I would be sitting down if you were my son, and I would just be learning more about the comment that it was really hard.

[1196] I wonder if there's more there that it just, it wasn't that it was just hard as far as physically hard, but it may not have been his thing.

[1197] He may have been struggling to do it at a level and maybe he'd lost confidence.

[1198] I would dig into more a very safe, encouraging conversation.

[1199] I'm going to give you the get clear assessment and the book, Find the Work You're Wired to do for him.

[1200] And I want you to be a dad where you go, hey, no big deal.

[1201] You're young enough to turn this around.

[1202] I don't think he's behind the eight ball.

[1203] I really don't.

[1204] And I'm going to leave it at that, let John talk about the history of the mental health and what's going on here.

[1205] But from a work standpoint, I would say I love the fact that you hand me your credit card.

[1206] and I love that you are at least delivering pizzas, and I'm going to support you.

[1207] Here's a resource, and let's talk through this, your results, and let's figure out what direction he does want to go.

[1208] But by digging into why it was so hard, let's just see if it was hard work or if it was very, very difficult and he's not really wired to do it and then help him reset and see what else is out there.

[1209] But, John, I want to bring you in for the bigger part of this call.

[1210] Yeah, Brian, your young, your boy's lonely.

[1211] He doesn't he?

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] Actually, yeah.

[1214] He doesn't have very many friends.

[1215] He's probably got nobody.

[1216] He's a little guy.

[1217] And this is a very common thing for young men to start to spin out because they got nobody.

[1218] Do you live close by him?

[1219] Yeah.

[1220] Okay.

[1221] Starting tomorrow, I want you guys, I want you to set up a breakfast at 7 a .m. with him twice a week.

[1222] No agenda other than you got to come eat with me and I'm picking up the bill.

[1223] and here's what I want you to seek to do.

[1224] I want you to get to seek to get to know your son.

[1225] I'm going to send you a bunch of questions for humans just to give you all something to do at the table.

[1226] You can bring a game.

[1227] You can bring whatever.

[1228] No agenda.

[1229] But I want you to get to meet your son.

[1230] And like Ken, it's going to come up.

[1231] Hey man, when you said it was hard, tell me about that.

[1232] And what his body is desperate for right now is human connection.

[1233] He doesn't have that.

[1234] And so everything feels overwhelming and everything feels hard.

[1235] and your dad's sirens are starting to go off because you remember when he was 15, right?

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] That's right.

[1238] So we're going to double down, not on a plan.

[1239] He's going to be fine, dude.

[1240] Me and Ken didn't start our jobs here until our late 30s, early 40s, right?

[1241] Like, he's going to be fine in terms of being behind the eight ball.

[1242] He's not going to be okay if his body continues to deteriorate into loneliness.

[1243] So you could double down and connect with him, and we're going to start there.

[1244] Hang on the line and we'll get you hooked up.

[1245] Yeah.

[1246] You're a good dad, Brian.

[1247] You're a good dad, I promise.

[1248] It's going to be okay.

[1249] This is The Ramsey Show.

[1250] Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is the Ramsey Show.

[1251] It's where we help you win in your life.

[1252] Winning in your money life, in your relationship life, and in your work life is our goal.

[1253] And we do it through hopeful and practical advice, basically on what we would do if we were in your shoes.

[1254] So we're excited to be with you.

[1255] Triple 8 -25 -5 -2 -25 -2 -25.

[1256] It's the number.

[1257] Triple -8 -25 -25 -2 -5.

[1258] I'm Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney, joins me as well.

[1259] Let's go to Chicago, Illinois.

[1260] Michael is there.

[1261] Michael, how can we help?

[1262] Hi, guys.

[1263] I'm honored to talk to both of you.

[1264] I'm an avid listener, and we followed the baby steps.

[1265] We're all out of debt.

[1266] Completely, I have a small business, and it's completely out of debt, cash flowing itself.

[1267] A little bit.

[1268] My biggest question is, me and my wife are struggling in our marriage.

[1269] we've been together 33 years started dating when we were 15 and 16 we are married almost 26 years now but we've we've struggled man it's been a bottle there's so much I don't even know where to start start start with Start with what's on your heart right now.

[1270] What happened to make you think I'm going to pick up the phone and give these dudes a call?

[1271] Well, so 11 years ago I had diagnosed with brain tumors, which I recovered from.

[1272] I had three different surgeries.

[1273] This should not be about me. but um so this in turn made my wife think okay she didn't know what was going to happen to me right so she automatically went into um independent mode thinking that she's going to have to handle everything and uh so which led to some resentment you know here in the past few years and then um she had an emotional affair with what guy used to be my friend um how long ago was that that was in 22 okay um and then the biggest kicker i think for me was the the physical activity that happened um august 3rd of 23 not of 22 i'm sorry um so that's been a year and a half ago or so physical activity what do you mean she sleep with somebody else well I think so, but they both deny it.

[1274] Okay.

[1275] What makes you think so?

[1276] They don't deny that there was, I guess, just a lack of trust.

[1277] Okay.

[1278] So everything else that happened before that.

[1279] And this is important.

[1280] At this point, you've lost trust.

[1281] And so when we lose trust in somebody that we're with a lot, whether it's a coworker, whether it's a boss, or whether it's a spouse, sibling, we start to create stories about that gap, right, in relationship.

[1282] we start to write stories and we usually write the most caustic ones the scariest ones because they help justify why that feeling we have inside which is scary and dark and resentful right right I hate that for you ma 'am sorry do you still love this woman you want to stay married that's that's just it I don't think either one of us the one two's gone So I have a, I have a, for her, on her behalf.

[1283] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I just asked you a question.

[1284] You blew by it.

[1285] What, I'm sorry.

[1286] Do you want to stay married to this woman?

[1287] Do you want to stay married to her?

[1288] Are you there?

[1289] I guess my silent answer to that question doesn't.

[1290] No, it doesn't answer for me. Because if you say no, I don't want to be married to her, then we can talk on another phone call about how you're going to, separate this thing and what divorce is going to look like and what splitting up your estate's going to look like and what's sitting down explaining all this to your kids is going to look like we can go through all that that's that's going to be another call right if you say no I'm terrified to say this out loud but I do still love her and I do want to figure this out we can't be married how we've been married but I want her to be my person as we build something new I can help you with that because I've had that conversation with my wife several times over the course of 20 plus years we sit down and say the marriage we had is over i cannot be married the way we've been married period and trust me she's saying the same thing and so we have a choice we can split up or we're going to build something completely new and we've built something new every time and it's never not been better and it's never been fun it's always been hard okay so what's the answer what's the answer i'm gonna love you either way but you've got to be honest with yourself that's what that's why i call i don't know the answer, and I'm more scared to death to make the wrong decision.

[1291] We want to be together, and we're together, then we butt heads.

[1292] Wait a second.

[1293] Wait a second.

[1294] John's the pro here, but let me, let me play the dumb, untrained guy.

[1295] I actually think you want to be married to her.

[1296] I do too.

[1297] I think you're scared to say it out how.

[1298] You don't call us, you don't call us unless you want John specifically to jump in here and help out.

[1299] Am I right?

[1300] Right.

[1301] Are you scared that you want to be married to her and she doesn't want to be married to you?

[1302] Yes.

[1303] Okay.

[1304] That's the most honest thing you've said since we've been on the phone, and I'm proud of you for saying it.

[1305] That's scary.

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] I don't want to be, and I've told her this, I don't want to be the second place.

[1308] That's right.

[1309] You know, and I know what she thought she had with that guy was out of this world, and I saw it on her face, you know, and it's hard to.

[1310] Wow.

[1311] Yeah.

[1312] It broke your word.

[1313] And so, yeah, and I've witnessed this and just thinking it was payback for all the crap that I'd put through her, but, you know, put her through.

[1314] Yeah, but there's no payback like that, because if you pay each other back, you both lose every time, right?

[1315] So everybody's losing all the time.

[1316] The question is, or the statement is, what y 'all had is over.

[1317] Your old marriage is over.

[1318] There's a period at the end.

[1319] The question y 'all have before you is, are we going to, are we going to, are we going to, rebuild something new and if we are here's what i need because here's what your wife was feeling she was feeling completely dead in her home and this guy laughed at her joke this guy was a little bit funny this guy was a little bit a little paid a little bit of attention to her and her heart started beating again and it took on a life of its own because for the first time in a long time she felt what alive yeah and the question you'll have before you is what to each of us need in this home to begin to feel alive again because I think you'll love each other and you'll have done a quarter century plus together and so that's your roadmap back will you set these old bricks down because you've done your fair share of stuff over 30 years too fair okay so nobody's hands are clean the question is do we want to wash our hands off in this hose and build something new and you've told me yeah i actually do want that but it takes two of you so you got to sit down at that table and have that hard conversation and then if she says yes and you say yes then you'll have to have some clear action statements about what comes next we're going to have coffee together every morning we're going to say good night to each other every night we're going to check each other's phones whatever you all have to do to begin to rebuild trust and to rebuild laughter and joy and aliveness in your home and button heads is just part of the process part of the process.

[1320] Your move, my brother.

[1321] Your move.

[1322] It's real stuff happening right here on the Ramsey Show.

[1323] Don't move.

[1324] More calls coming up.

[1325] Welcome back to the Ramsey Show.

[1326] I'm Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney, joins me this hour.

[1327] We are here for you answering your money questions, your relationship questions, and your work questions.

[1328] Triple -8 -8 -25 -5 -2 -25 -2 -25.

[1329] Next, we go to Louisville, Kentucky, where Hunter joins us.

[1330] There he is.

[1331] Hunter, how can we help?

[1332] Hey, pleasure talking to you guys.

[1333] You too.

[1334] What's going on?

[1335] I'm just seeking some advice.

[1336] I've just started a PhD program, and I'm cash flowing that.

[1337] But at the same time, you know, wife are renting a house.

[1338] We want to eventually buy a house, and I'm also wanting to invest into retirement.

[1339] When I'm looking at all three of those doing the math, I have a hard time being able to to do all three of those at the moment.

[1340] You can't.

[1341] You can't.

[1342] Yeah.

[1343] Just stop.

[1344] You can't.

[1345] What do you get into Ph .D.?

[1346] Practical theology.

[1347] What are you going to do with that?

[1348] I'm hoping to teach.

[1349] I work at church now.

[1350] I'm wanting to go academic if I can.

[1351] Okay.

[1352] What's the – I know where you're going there, John.

[1353] I got to ask, what's the income range upon receiving that PhD?

[1354] What do you expect to make or what can you make?

[1355] I expect, I don't know, 80 to 100 ,000 a year.

[1356] Have you asked any professors of theology?

[1357] I have the one I asked that has done it for a long time, and he's in that range, but I don't know where I would start.

[1358] Not there.

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] I'm sure you're not there.

[1361] 100%.

[1362] And you need to know this, Hunter.

[1363] Don't take our word for it.

[1364] I need your eyes to see that John's telling you the truth so that it helps this whole financial discussion.

[1365] Yeah.

[1366] And just dig into the, is it a D -Men?

[1367] No, I'd be a Ph .D. In practical theology, like applied theology?

[1368] Yeah.

[1369] Hmm.

[1370] You don't hear a lot of PhDs in applied skill -based things, right?

[1371] So all I'm saying is this.

[1372] Make sure you have those conversations.

[1373] You did ask somebody that's cool, I would actually ask some faculty members who are new, because I'm guessing they're signing on for maybe 50 ,000, maybe 60 ,000 max, and they're having to work their way through.

[1374] And yeah, after 30 years and getting tenure and Partridge into Peritree, you can work your way up.

[1375] But, yeah, my understanding, and I've worked at multiple faith -based universities and several of my closest friends are theology professors, that's pretty impressive salary range that you're talking about.

[1376] What do you do now and what do you make?

[1377] So I am a youth pastor, and I make about 50, 55.

[1378] Okay.

[1379] And what's this practical theology PhD costing you out of pocket?

[1380] Anywhere about 20 to 25 ,000.

[1381] All in?

[1382] Or per year?

[1383] All in.

[1384] That's for the three -year program.

[1385] Okay.

[1386] How much do you have left?

[1387] I just started.

[1388] Oof.

[1389] About three years.

[1390] John, I want your opinion on this.

[1391] My gut is saying he needs to pick one of these first.

[1392] We get through Babysips three, and then we pick back up.

[1393] I just think with his income and what he's doing and where he's going financially, I don't like trying to do both of these at the same time.

[1394] Yeah, so here's, this isn't etched in stone, but if somebody says, hey, I'm going to grad school, my wife actually started going to grad school because she wanted to be a better teacher.

[1395] she had no interest in being a professor or research person she just wanted to be a better school teacher and her district had a program where they helped pay so she went to become a better teacher and she just kept going and they kept supporting her until she ended up getting a PhD so that's one route I'm just curious I want to be surrounded by iron I mean iron sharpens iron I want to be around smart people learning smart things and debating ideas and writing papers I that's actually a lot of for me. But then it becomes a luxury, right?

[1396] It becomes something that I can do if I can afford it, the same as people may play golf or may go shooting or whatever they do.

[1397] The second thing is, is this something that's going to pay off?

[1398] Is there an ends to a mean, a means to an end here?

[1399] So are you just getting a PhD because you're hoping a job's going to show up?

[1400] Because I'm telling you, higher red is in a state of massive disruption right now.

[1401] And what I would hate for you to do is to have a PhD on the back end of this that you were hoping would, you'd, you'd leverage into something else and it's just a recipe for frustration or that you're adjuncting four classes at four different schools for 1750 a class okay or 2 ,500 bucks a class and you end up creating a chaotic exhausting life.

[1402] The third thing is, is don't borrow money for it, right?

[1403] And so you're you're not doing any of those things but except for hoping that there's a job here on the back end.

[1404] So I want you to do some more research on the front end.

[1405] And I'm like Ken, it doesn't feel like there's any pressure any like you have to get this done right the second is that right no i wouldn't say so and let's throw in let's throw into this mix that this was all about a house too correct yeah that's a all right so i know and i love it but here's here's what john and are getting at we've got grad school we've got that we want to do and we understand and you need to do more by the way we're not trying to talk you out of it but no i got two PhDs i love them.

[1406] That's what you're doing right.

[1407] But you've got to know that you really want to do this and you're okay starting at the 55 or 60 that John is pointing out and then busting your butt for maybe a long time for that 80.

[1408] So we're trying to be real with you.

[1409] That's the first thing.

[1410] But the most important thing in all of this of the three things we want to accomplish, baby step three, or excuse me, three B. Did I get that right?

[1411] Or is it full baby step three?

[1412] I've got about 50 ,000 saved.

[1413] Okay, so we were through Baby Step 3, so now it's saving for the house, correct?

[1414] Yes.

[1415] So for me, so I adjust my opinion here a little bit, I was thinking Baby Step 3, we wanted to get that fully funded, but you looks like you're there.

[1416] For me, it's coming down to, I'm sitting down with my wife, Stacey and I, and we're going, all right, yes, I'd like to have the Ph .D. We really want a house.

[1417] and so we're going to start looking at that situation and we're going to go which of these things is the more important from an energy and resource situation because you were putting energy and your financial resources into the PhD versus all the energy and resources into getting that down payment and for me I would be sitting down having that conversation and which one is the biggest priority we both got to be on the same page okay how's that ringing true to you yeah that makes sense i think um we're still able to to save some money um doing some of this stuff and i was just should i still be investing into retirement accounts during the process i don't i don't know i if you're taking a two or three year like you're going to be in school full time my goal is that you're going to get out of school um completely debt free and then you're going to be able to start whatever you're doing next um where this is a little bit hazy is you're opting back into school with not a real clear destination in mind more of a hope this thing works out and we're going to kind of look around and see if there's some open positions kind of ideas um and that's where it makes it a little more hazy if you told me hey i'm going to take three years off i'm going to go get a uh phd in or i'm going to uh in physical therapy and then i'm going to be making this much money when i get out then i would tell you yeah pause everything get through with that cash, cash flow it, and then be ready to rock and roll.

[1418] But there's a very real possibility that you graduate in three years.

[1419] You're down $25 ,000, plus any side jobs you could have done in those years.

[1420] So it's a net, let's say you're down 50 net, and you have the exact same job as a youth minister.

[1421] And neither can or I would say you're failing at anything.

[1422] You're doing a great job.

[1423] You're in the ministry.

[1424] You're making $50 ,000 a year.

[1425] But nothing has changed in your house financially.

[1426] And now you're three years behind on retirement also.

[1427] Hunter, I will say, I agree with John's analysis.

[1428] That was absolutely beautiful.

[1429] And so I'm going to now vote based on how John set that up because the audience gets it.

[1430] I would not stop investing.

[1431] If I was going to pause anything, it would not be investing.

[1432] I would pause the Ph .D. program for the reasons that we've discussed.

[1433] It's still going to be there.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] It's not going anywhere.

[1436] But you and your wife have this shared goal of a house, and that's going to be your greatest investment.

[1437] my friend you're not going to make a huge amount of money i wouldn't pause investing when i that's where i'm going to go i'd say keep investing keep saving 3b because you can do both in this situation and i'd press pause on the phd program i want you i want you to sit with somebody who has some experience who's not way down the road is someone who just got a job as a tenure track professor and ask them is this is this a smart move for me so true such good advice this is the ramsie show we'll be right back welcome back to the ramses show here to help you win in your money life, your relationship life, and your work life.

[1438] I'm Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney, is joining me this shower.

[1439] Let's go back to the phones.

[1440] By the way, if you want to jump in, it's AAA 825 -5 -2 -25 -2 -25, triple -8 -25 -2 -25.

[1441] And I like to do this when I get a chance to host a show.

[1442] I always love to say thanks to our live studio audience.

[1443] We've got a great group of people from all around the country.

[1444] And so, hello, hello, and you guys are great.

[1445] If you'd love to come watch the show, you can.

[1446] go to ramesesyslutions .com.

[1447] You can find the schedule, and we love to come out and say hi a couple times an hour.

[1448] So thanks to our studio audience, you guys have been great.

[1449] Particularly good -looking group of people today, too, John.

[1450] You know, dare I say, a little bit better looking than the last week's crowd?

[1451] I don't know.

[1452] Am I fending people already?

[1453] May have.

[1454] Don't even know what I'm saying here, but it's fun.

[1455] Good group of people.

[1456] They're beautiful.

[1457] They're beautiful people.

[1458] All right, let's go to Andrea now in Kansas City.

[1459] Andrea, how can we help?

[1460] Hi, thank you for taking my call.

[1461] You bet.

[1462] What's going on?

[1463] My husband passed away in March, and I was calling to find out how do I budget and invest the life insurance proceeds to maintain my current lifestyle and give generously.

[1464] I just really want to be a good steward of what God and my husband has provided for me. My husband was disabled for, like, the last 19 years, and he committed suicide.

[1465] Oh, no. What was his name?

[1466] Chris.

[1467] Chris.

[1468] Man, I'm so sorry.

[1469] Thank you.

[1470] March, that's real, real recent.

[1471] We're still real raw?

[1472] Yeah, most definitely.

[1473] Yeah.

[1474] We have six kids and ten grand kids.

[1475] I've been a...

[1476] stay -at -home mom for 30 years, and I was as caregiver for the last 19 years.

[1477] Oh, my.

[1478] Okay, we're going to do two things here.

[1479] One, there's a ton of emotional stuff here that's real heavy.

[1480] And I'm going to set that aside for a second.

[1481] For just a few minutes, we're going to get real clinical, okay?

[1482] Is that okay?

[1483] Okay, yes.

[1484] Like real sterile.

[1485] And these are the surreal questions that you can't even believe you're asking in the aftermath of something like this.

[1486] So, how are you financially?

[1487] Can you get groceries?

[1488] You're going to lose your house?

[1489] Where are you?

[1490] Oh, financially, I'm fine.

[1491] How sir?

[1492] We were kind of Dave Light the last 15 years, I guess.

[1493] When he became disabled, we were in a really bad situation.

[1494] We did like everybody else and had a half a million dollar house and a bunch of cars that weren't paid for and everything.

[1495] And when he got sick, we were on short -term disability.

[1496] And so we had to pay for COBRA insurance and stuff.

[1497] And we had, you know, five kids in the home at the time.

[1498] And we couldn't afford where we were living.

[1499] So we moved to the Midwest.

[1500] So he's been on Social Security since then.

[1501] but we were able to pay off our debt during this last, you know, 15 years.

[1502] Okay.

[1503] June 15th, how will you pay for groceries?

[1504] I have life insurance.

[1505] How much?

[1506] One and a half million.

[1507] Okay.

[1508] What do you owe in your house?

[1509] When he died, I owed $1 ,500.

[1510] on the whole house on the whole house okay it is paid for i'm just curious how old are the kids the six kids um the youngest is 19 okay so your kids are old and and out of the house obviously with the grandkids you got several kids that are that are doing their own life now yeah um the two youngest ones are still in college okay are you carrying that or is their college already paid for um they are going debt -free with scholarships.

[1511] Okay.

[1512] So how old are you?

[1513] I am 53.

[1514] Okay.

[1515] So you've got plenty of money to live on and invest wisely.

[1516] You're going to be okay.

[1517] Yeah.

[1518] Are you going to stay in this home or are you going to sell it and move?

[1519] I'm going to stay.

[1520] Okay.

[1521] My recommendation is you don't do anything for a minimum of six months.

[1522] Don't move money, don't sell anything.

[1523] Just sit tight if you can.

[1524] You have enough cash to do that in the bank?

[1525] Yeah, I did do two CDs just to make something.

[1526] Okay.

[1527] You're going to get itchy and feel like you need to go do a thing, especially as a long -term caretaker.

[1528] You lost your husband, you lost your rider die, and you lost your purpose, right?

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] And so there's going to be a huge vacuum, and this is where scam artist and, and Bitcoin salesmen and move all the money into silver because it's all coming down.

[1531] This is where they make their money on people like you, okay?

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] And if you have to give the keys to the car to your oldest kid, your oldest daughter, your oldest son and say, I need y 'all to step in for a season because I'm not spending any of this money.

[1534] I'm not moving any of it.

[1535] You're going to get tons of unsolicited advice.

[1536] You're going to get his family members coming out of the woodwork for their piece of this $1 .5 million.

[1537] Just commit.

[1538] I don't do anything for, six months, I just grieve.

[1539] Is that fair?

[1540] Yeah.

[1541] Okay.

[1542] You're set up to be okay long term, but man, you can mess this thing up if you start tinkering with it, okay?

[1543] Do you have a smart investor pro that you can sit with?

[1544] Nope.

[1545] Okay, I want you to hang on the line.

[1546] We're going to hook you up with somebody that's going to help you manage the entire portfolio here and go from start to finish.

[1547] Now, here's the emotional side of this thing.

[1548] I can't help but think with the timing and close to the house paid off and all this.

[1549] Has he been planning this for a while?

[1550] Was it pretty sudden?

[1551] I don't believe he was planning anything.

[1552] Okay.

[1553] Okay.

[1554] He had been taking some medicine last year that kind of changed his mental.

[1555] issues i don't you know that i don't know okay and here's the scary part in the frustrating and sad and heartbreaking part you're never going to know so here's what i want you to do over the next few weeks okay have you already had the funeral we didn't have a funeral okay you need to have a funeral full stop some sort of marker for this moment with the kids and everybody okay and i know you don't want to and you're probably not going to but i'm telling you right now it's an essential cornerstone part of your healing okay I mean we all got together and stuff but why did you not have a funeral it just didn't want to I didn't I didn't want to have people loving on me and hugging me and telling me they're sorry and and you know having my kids just crying in front of people I just didn't want to do that okay well I want you to know that's a cornerstone of the healing process.

[1556] Okay.

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] And I get it.

[1559] I totally get it.

[1560] But in counseling, this is a terrible word, but we call it leakage.

[1561] Those things will find their way out in your life and they usually come at real inopportune times.

[1562] Okay.

[1563] So having some sort of marker or ceremony or this was his life and giving people an opportunity to grieve together and cry together and be sad together and be heartbroken and angry and really mad together all those things is a really important thing the second thing i want you to do if you haven't already is have all of your kids and you y 'all write him a couple of letters one letter is how much we loved you and how much how mad we are can't believe that this happened then the second letter is dear dear dad dear chris i'm going to meet you you so much and here's who I'm going to become.

[1564] Okay?

[1565] Yeah.

[1566] And that's not for today and that's not for this month.

[1567] That's over the next couple of months, okay?

[1568] Yeah.

[1569] But if you got it in you, I would circle the kids back up and bring them home and maybe everybody writes a letter and we're going to do a small little funeral inside of our house.

[1570] But crying and being together is part of the grieving process.

[1571] But hang on the line.

[1572] We're going to hook you up with a smart vester pro.

[1573] We can pull apart is $1 .5 million.

[1574] I want to put you in the hands of somebody who's going to walk with your specific situation and get you taken care of.

[1575] So hang on the line and we'll get you connected with somebody in your area.

[1576] Sorry for your loss, sister.

[1577] Yeah, we're hurting for you.

[1578] Thank you.

[1579] Your better days are coming.

[1580] I promise.

[1581] This is the Ramsey show.

[1582] Welcome back to the Ramsey show.

[1583] Thrilled to have you with us, Triple -8 -25 -5 -225 is the phone number.

[1584] I'm Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney.

[1585] It's joining me this hour.

[1586] Our scripture of the day comes from John 812.

[1587] Jesus said, I am the light of the world.

[1588] Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but we'll have the light of the world.

[1589] Our quote of the day from Coach Mike Shosheski of the Duke Blue Devils, the truth is that many people set rules to keep from making decisions.

[1590] Ooh, there you go.

[1591] Hey, the best way to make the most of your money is and always will be creating and sticking to a monthly budget.

[1592] That's why our every dollar budgeting tool is the best.

[1593] Helps you plan, spending, track expenses, and save for what matters most to you.

[1594] It's very easy to use in an app, and it helps you maintain discipline in a busy lifestyle.

[1595] Download every dollar for free in the app store or Google Play today.

[1596] That's every dollar.

[1597] You can get it free in the app store or Google Play today.

[1598] All right, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is where we go next.

[1599] Nick is there.

[1600] Nick, how can we help?

[1601] So, guys, I've got a, I guess it would be a career question.

[1602] I'm glad to talk to both you.

[1603] It's like the older brothers, the cool guys.

[1604] Well, I've never been called cool in my life, so I'll take it.

[1605] Thank you very much.

[1606] Me neither.

[1607] John's, John, okay, whatever.

[1608] Been in insurance for like a decade and a half and recently started doing tree work, and now all I can think about is doing tree work.

[1609] So my question is, one, financially, I can make more money doing tree work than I do with the insurance gig.

[1610] Two, this would be a baloney question.

[1611] Is this just like a midlife crisis?

[1612] Yes, and it doesn't mean it's wrong.

[1613] Go for it, kid.

[1614] Maybe not.

[1615] Yeah, I don't think it's a midlife crisis at all.

[1616] It sounds to be like you stumbled into this thing that you may never have realized was actually as nice and as fun and is potentially profitable for you.

[1617] And it reminds you of being a kid climbing trees and you probably were always an outdoorsy kind of guy.

[1618] and you're going, man, I actually really, really enjoy this, but it requires me to put away my, you know, suit and white -collared shirt and ties, and I think you're just looking for permission.

[1619] And you're coming up with an excuse.

[1620] Are there any signs that it's a midlife crisis?

[1621] Marriage is good.

[1622] Kids are good.

[1623] Health is good.

[1624] So when I was just pontificating, did that resonate with you?

[1625] Well, I'm the jump guy.

[1626] Like, hey, let's go do this.

[1627] There's a bridge.

[1628] Let's go jump off.

[1629] it.

[1630] There's a plane.

[1631] Let's go jump out of it.

[1632] Yeah.

[1633] Okay.

[1634] This is the opposite for me to go, is it smart to jump?

[1635] Well, wait a second.

[1636] Is it an opportunity to make more money than you're making an insurance?

[1637] Yep.

[1638] Okay.

[1639] Is it more fun for you than sitting in a cubicle or sitting in your office or schluppen insurance?

[1640] All day.

[1641] What do you love most about it that you didn't think that you would love prior to stepping into this?

[1642] not the it's it's every day the rubik's cube so there's a puzzle you've got to solve and uh is there any evidence that as a young man young nick was the same kind of puzzle solver somewhat but not too much do you like being outdoors yeah okay doc I don't hear midlife crisis I hear a little bit of self -discovery I never saw myself being a guy who cuts down trees when I was thinking about college or whatever as a senior in high school and I see a little bit of discovery and I'm wondering is there a little bit of guilt what's he questioning here I'm wondering if he has spent his whole life doing the safe job and realizes there's a lot of fun and joy and money and laughter to be made outside of that world like I know for me the idea I used to scoff at people who worked on commission.

[1643] I used to be like, what kind of irresponsible morons would do that, right?

[1644] Until I left the comfort of a secure paycheck and now I work on commission and I don't ever want to go back.

[1645] It's amazing because I get to control what happens next, right?

[1646] And so you're going to have to carry the weight of there's no trees to cut down.

[1647] There's no food to eat, right?

[1648] Yeah, there's always trees.

[1649] There you go.

[1650] You just answered it.

[1651] That's exactly right.

[1652] And in my world, there's always somebody to help.

[1653] In Kim's world, there's always somebody who's struggling with a job situation.

[1654] There's too many jobs out there.

[1655] I don't know how to change.

[1656] There's not enough jobs.

[1657] There's always work out there.

[1658] And so, man, I think you are...

[1659] Has somebody...

[1660] Go get them.

[1661] Has somebody tilted their head at you or looked at you a little weird when you described this?

[1662] This transition.

[1663] It's all the parents, but you got to go to college.

[1664] You got to get a good corporate job.

[1665] Okay.

[1666] That's it.

[1667] There's our answer.

[1668] You know that's working out for everybody.

[1669] Yeah.

[1670] Well, you called us.

[1671] today and you're asking, am I in a midlife crisis, what you're really asking is, am I a reckless moron from moving from insurance to the tree business?

[1672] That's really what you're asking, because somewhere along the way, either somebody has looked at you a little weird, apparent, or said something before, or maybe even said something about this current transition.

[1673] Yes, and no one's going to say it's not high risk, but also we mitigate as much as we can.

[1674] Yeah, but, you know, you could get in a car accident on the way to the insurance office.

[1675] Or I could have a heart attack sitting at the desk as well.

[1676] And I, you know, I love you, Nick, because you know what?

[1677] If you don't do this, you might very well have a heart attack way early because you're doing something that you do not love.

[1678] I love the fact that you love it.

[1679] First time I knew you guys were hosting, I was actually going out to look at a tree to bid on it.

[1680] And I went, oh, I didn't know those guys hosted the show.

[1681] I want to call and talk to them.

[1682] That was a year ago.

[1683] Done.

[1684] And so here we are a year later.

[1685] Go get it, brother.

[1686] Dude, this is a no -brainer.

[1687] There's nothing else for us to discuss, man. Here's the last thing we have to discuss.

[1688] Nick, when you get T -shirts with your company printed on them, I wear a large and Ken wears...

[1689] What?

[1690] Shmedium.

[1691] A shmedium?

[1692] You send them to us.

[1693] We'll wear them on our respective shows, okay?

[1694] We'll give your tree service.

[1695] Nick's tree -cutting service a shout -out.

[1696] Guess who has a tree in his front yard, Nick?

[1697] I sure could use your services.

[1698] I've got one that fell down and during the storms.

[1699] last weekend that I would love your services.

[1700] My wife won't let me anywhere near a chainsaw and she's a wise woman.

[1701] Oh my wife lets me go out in the field with one, not anywhere near the home.

[1702] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1703] Oh my gosh.

[1704] All right, let's go to Rachel in Los Angeles.

[1705] Rachel, how can we help?

[1706] Hi there.

[1707] I'm here in California and I'm struggling pretty hard financially.

[1708] I've been out of work for about eight years on disability for agoraphobia, panic episodes, and anxiety attacks.

[1709] And I want to rise above my circumstances.

[1710] I need to get back to work.

[1711] And I'm really excited about getting back, and you guys get me excited.

[1712] I'm watching you guys like almost every day.

[1713] And so I'm calling to find out how do I go about, first of all, mentioning that.

[1714] big gap on my resume and having to mention it in the interview the same way you're going to deal with the agoraphobia and the same way you're going to deal with the other anxieties which is you run straight through the middle of them and you say I've been dealing with personal illness for a long time and I've been on a long healing journey and I am back baby ready to rock and roll and you put a job in front of me there will be nobody who's got more strength and tenacity than I do.

[1715] Because I fought the devil himself for the last eight years, and here I am, baby.

[1716] Amen.

[1717] And if they say, oh, well, you're just not then, dude, as the great Jay -Z says, brush your shoulders off and go to the next one.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] Because there's going to be a company out there really lucky to have you.

[1720] And, by the way, you're still going to feel anxious, and you now have a set of skills to know, oh, that alarm's going off.

[1721] I'm going straight towards it.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] No more running for me. Is that fair?

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] Rachel, have you been cleared?

[1726] Have you been cleared by your medical professionals?

[1727] They say, hey, we believe you can do this.

[1728] You have the tools go after it?

[1729] Yes, absolutely.

[1730] So this is a huge point.

[1731] John nailed that.

[1732] I would go in it with that.

[1733] Even if you've got to have a doctor's note or something.

[1734] I don't know if that's, I don't think that's out of the abnormal at all, out of the norm.

[1735] But one of the thing I would recommend, this is where your relationships, and I mean acquaintances, people you went to school with, people that you see at church or some civic group or club.

[1736] This is where you tell everybody that you know.

[1737] And I mean like if they just became your friend three weeks ago on Instagram, but you know them, they know you.

[1738] I would put the word out with pride to say, I've overcome this.

[1739] I'm now getting back in the game.

[1740] And just like John said, you run straight into it.

[1741] And I tell everybody, hey, I could use some help with some personal recommendations to overcome this gap.

[1742] And if we can get you a job interview where a friend, friend recommends you and they say let me tell you about Rachel she's a warrior she overcame this she's really talented this we want to get into those job interviews with some personal credibility that would also help this Rachel you got this charge it Rachel this is the Ramsey show hey guys I'm Rachel and I'm George and you've probably heard our voices before on the Ramsey show and do we have a surprise for you yep we have our very own show smart money happy hour where we talk about pop culture current events and of course money George, it's a great show.

[1743] And what else do we talk about?

[1744] So much, Rachel.

[1745] Not enough.

[1746] And yet too much.

[1747] We talk about guilt tipping because tipping is out of control and I won't stand for it anymore, which is why I'm sitting.

[1748] I'm sitting.

[1749] And we also talk about something else I'm passionate about Disney adults.

[1750] Why is it a thing?

[1751] Listen, some adults still find the magic.

[1752] Sure.

[1753] We also talk about toxic money traits and girl math.

[1754] And if you don't know what those are, you have to listen to the podcast.

[1755] Yeah, there's a lot there, you guys.

[1756] It's pretty fun.

[1757] We keep you relevant, is what I I'm trying to say.

[1758] We help you out.

[1759] So pull up a chair to the happy hour.

[1760] You wish your friends we're having.

[1761] We promise you won't regret it.

[1762] And if you don't have friends, we'll be your friends.

[1763] We will.

[1764] We're great friends.

[1765] So make sure to check it out on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or the Ramsey Network app.