#2 - Brian Redban

[0] BAM!

[1] It's happening right now, bitches.

[2] It says off -air, though.

[3] It says off -air.

[4] Oh, well, you have to refresh that screen.

[5] Alright, here we go.

[6] We're live, bitches.

[7] It's me and Batman.

[8] I got Batman with me so I don't fuck around.

[9] This is some new show everybody what this is.

[10] This is some new badass jacket that you can get that allows you to also be a robber.

[11] You can be a bank robber and you don't even have to wear a ski mask and look suspicious.

[12] This is like a mask that comes with this fucking thing.

[13] Show everybody.

[14] Show everybody.

[15] How dope is that?

[16] It turns into the hood.

[17] It's a hood, but it's a mask.

[18] So, in these hard economic times...

[19] Why is this...

[20] Is there another version?

[21] Oh, really?

[22] I don't really know if she died.

[23] I've got people on the internet saying she died.

[24] All right.

[25] What's up, bitches?

[26] How's everybody doing?

[27] We've got two things going on here.

[28] We've got this Twitter thing where you can, if you Twitter your questions, we'll answer your questions for that.

[29] Or if you go to my website, which is forums .joerogan .net.

[30] Don't ask fucking questions.

[31] God damn it, this one.

[32] Fella.

[33] Yeah.

[34] I hate that dude.

[35] Alright, you apologize.

[36] That's all good.

[37] Alright.

[38] What's happening, fuckers?

[39] What's going on?

[40] Give me some questions.

[41] Some good ones.

[42] How many bong hits tonight?

[43] We haven't taken any bong hits.

[44] We've only used a little pipe that somebody gave me. No bomb hits, bitches.

[45] Bomb hits for Jesus.

[46] Is that Alex Jones?

[47] Where?

[48] A microphone.

[49] Where?

[50] On the left.

[51] See that?

[52] This?

[53] Yeah.

[54] It's not really Alex, though.

[55] He doesn't do it.

[56] Somebody does it for him.

[57] Well, I don't know who's doing it, but they're doing a real good job getting out the information.

[58] Can you imagine what his...

[59] Christmas dinner was like.

[60] He had Charlie Sheen to talk about.

[61] He had terrorism to talk about.

[62] Somehow they connected with each other.

[63] Yeah.

[64] He'll probably have something.

[65] Well, Charlie didn't do anything.

[66] It's the government doesn't want Charlie out there talking about 9 -11.

[67] I'm half Joey Diaz, half Alex Jones.

[68] He knows that?

[69] I'm too high, ladies and gentlemen.

[70] I'm too high to be doing this show.

[71] This is ridiculous.

[72] The weed that they have here in California is just too goddamn strong.

[73] Ladies and gentlemen, it's medical.

[74] You can just buy it from a fucking store.

[75] Shit is outrageous.

[76] And that's train wreck.

[77] That's like one of the best ones you can get.

[78] I don't like how you guys are looking down at me. It makes me uncomfortable.

[79] I wish we were looking eye to eye on the same level.

[80] I'm going to have to set this up so that we're looking eye to eye.

[81] It feels weird looking up at that thing.

[82] You need a smaller monitor.

[83] I can trade you.

[84] You're so nice.

[85] Questions, questions, questions.

[86] Let's go to the Rogan board.

[87] We're going to go to forums .joerogan .net, to the official 1229 Ustream podcast thread, where the questions are not limited to a gay 140 characters.

[88] That shit's ridiculous.

[89] Do you think there will be one world government in our life, or do you think it will actually...

[90] And how do you think it will actually affect us?

[91] I think that's possible.

[92] That's very possible.

[93] If they can get the money sorted out between all these fucking scumbags that run these world governments, yeah, they would all agree to one gigantic system of government.

[94] The problem with one gigantic system of government is that even though it would be harder for corruption, it would be...

[95] it's also harder to keep people in line because you have to have enemies.

[96] You have to have, like, you know, the Turks hate, the fucking Iranians hate this, hate the that.

[97] If you don't have that conflict, it's very difficult to keep people in line.

[98] You know, and if we were all the United States of America, then we'd start arguing about money.

[99] We'd start arguing about taxes.

[100] We'd start arguing, you know, if we're all one thing, it makes it very difficult to do.

[101] But as far as, like, giant international banks, they might already be in cahoots or close enough to one world government.

[102] I mean, there might be like a few that are really pulling the strings and running things, but I mean.

[103] You know what would be cool is the future of the government was just the internet.

[104] So every time you wanted to vote, it was just like going on a message board and voting.

[105] Like, hey, should we have legal insurance?

[106] Vote now.

[107] Yeah.

[108] That would be pretty cool.

[109] It would be like for the people.

[110] Then people would hack it.

[111] It's all good on paper, but anything that you do on the internet now, like dudes who play poker, you never know if you're playing poker against a real dude.

[112] You could easily be playing poker against a computer, right?

[113] I mean, I don't know what kind of programs they run, but it seems to me like at this point in time, people can hack just about anything.

[114] I mean, there's programs like, that's the problem with these drones that they have.

[115] You heard about this?

[116] Those drones?

[117] Kids are hacking into the drones.

[118] Like the airplanes.

[119] Drones that check the borders and stuff.

[120] Yeah, well, they don't just check borders.

[121] They launch missiles.

[122] They have these fucking things, these drones that shoot these things called hellfire missiles.

[123] And they use them in Pakistan and all these places where we're not really supposed to be.

[124] And they just fly in and jack people.

[125] Well, the insurgents have figured out how to hack the code and actually view the monitor.

[126] It's crazy shit, man. Speaking of crazy shit, I really do have to take a shit.

[127] We plan this out best.

[128] I'm going to take a shit and Brian's going to answer questions.

[129] And that's a $29 program that they use just to hack our videos.

[130] There is a toilet in his office.

[131] What is your opinion?

[132] Let's go back to Twitter.

[133] Joe doesn't make the extract Listerine packages.

[134] It's actually one of the products that's sold here in California.

[135] When you have a medical marijuana license, you can go to a store and they sell the Listerine at the store.

[136] It looks like Listerine strips.

[137] So no, he doesn't make them himself.

[138] Joe has not seen Avatar yet.

[139] We're the last two people to see Avatar.

[140] And we're supposed to see it this week.

[141] It's pretty annoying.

[142] Being the last one to see it.

[143] Underwear bomber was staged.

[144] Any thoughts?

[145] I have no idea what that means.

[146] The dude from the airplane?

[147] Staged?

[148] Under coverage!

[149] By who?

[150] The government, man. For what?

[151] The government.

[152] You said your laptop?

[153] Yeah.

[154] Joe just thinks he's a retard.

[155] I think it shows you how fragile our system is.

[156] That one guy can do one stupid thing and the whole world grinds to a halt and security takes five hours now.

[157] You guys probably didn't hear that, but he thinks it's pretty ridiculous how one guy did all of that and that's how bad our security is and now shit's all fucked up from that one dude.

[158] Yeah, security lines are five hours long now.

[159] Joe is not, we're not reading the chat on Ustream.

[160] Joe is only doing the Twitter.

[161] So if you have a message, Joe will answer it if you put it on Twitter or Joe Rogan's website, which is forums .joerogan .net.

[162] He's taking a shit right now, so he'll be right back.

[163] It's the coffee.

[164] Sorry, it's the Starbucks coffee.

[165] Let's see.

[166] Let's go back to the...

[167] Alright, I'm going to go read some messages on Joe's website.

[168] Forums .joerogan .net Joe will be right back.

[169] Almost 300 Yeah, I have the Dark Vader Mark Echo sweatshirt also.

[170] But yeah, that Boba Fett one's pretty sweet.

[171] I have realized, though, it's pretty gay when you're by yourself and not with friends with these sweatshirts.

[172] There's the Boba Fett one.

[173] Oh, sweet.

[174] Yeah, you know, I think Mark Lehman had one of those and he wore it to the UFC.

[175] Mark Lehman is a, uh, he's a comic book nerd and a, and a, uh, jujitsu friend.

[176] He teaches a lot of guys who fight in the MMA world.

[177] He teaches them, uh, jujitsu.

[178] And he's, uh, he's a big video game junkie, and he had a Boba Fett one on.

[179] It's pretty dope.

[180] Pretty dope!

[181] Alright.

[182] Questions?

[183] Questions from the Twitter world.

[184] This is my Twitter tweet deck.

[185] I couldn't get to refresh it.

[186] I think it's the API thing again.

[187] So you might want to close that and use the Ustream one only.

[188] Okay.

[189] Oh, I see.

[190] It's not closed yet.

[191] Let's just shut up.

[192] I always forget that.

[193] All right.

[194] Twitter on Ustream.

[195] Let's go with the questions here, bitches.

[196] When am I back in Ireland?

[197] I'm not going to be back in Ireland until the UFC is back in Ireland.

[198] It's not financially feasible for me to make those trips without the UFC to the UK.

[199] But every time I'm there, if there's a show, if we're doing the UFC in Ireland, for sure I'll be doing stand -up comedy there.

[200] They could hear the voice.

[201] They could hear me. Did you hear me take a doubt?

[202] It was so strong.

[203] I couldn't resist it.

[204] I knew I had to go.

[205] I didn't want to.

[206] I wanted to be able to just man up and push through the whole Ustream.

[207] But I was like, I'm going to do a bad job because I'm going to just be thinking about this dump I have to take.

[208] So what were we talking about before I took off?

[209] Because it was kind of important stuff.

[210] I think the one world thing is the last thing you talked about.

[211] Oh, that was the first question.

[212] One world government in our lifetime.

[213] I don't know, man. I had a lot more faith before Obama got elected.

[214] I'll tell you that.

[215] I thought that maybe what we had was a corrupt situation and that Bush and Cheney were corrupt and that if we got somebody else in there, maybe they could straighten everything out.

[216] But after Obama got elected, man, it became pretty clear to me that someone else besides the president obviously is pulling the strings.

[217] Obama didn't want to send more troops.

[218] Obama didn't want to go to Afghanistan to bring more people to Afghanistan.

[219] He wanted to pull out of Guantanamo Bay and close Guantanamo Bay down, all that shit.

[220] But I don't think he gets to say what the fuck they do.

[221] Or he was just saying that kind of shit to get elected.

[222] You know, I mean, the old Bill Hicks joke comes to mind, you know, that American politics is, you know, I like the puppet on the right.

[223] Well, I find the puppet to the left to be more at my liking.

[224] Hey, wait a minute.

[225] There's one guy holding both puppets.

[226] I think it's very...

[227] What are you doing?

[228] It's not doing anything.

[229] I know, but you're distracting the shit out of me. You're closing the screen, moving shit around.

[230] Fucking psycho.

[231] He's a tweaker.

[232] But not, like, the meth kind.

[233] Like, he has to tweak things.

[234] Like, hmm, let's optimize my internet.

[235] So he's the kind of dude that hacks into his registry to make his internet, like, one kbh faster.

[236] You're one of those dudes, right?

[237] Do you remember when computers first came out?

[238] I had the friend that said that he could hack into the library and, like, get rid of all the doofies and stuff like that.

[239] I always wondered if that was real or if he would just pull my leg up.

[240] Well, definitely there were some systems that you could hack into if you were a wizard.

[241] Well, Mitnick did a lot of shit with phone calls, right?

[242] Didn't get information from people.

[243] It wasn't even that he was this great hacker.

[244] He was kind of like a con man. By the way, did you read that they just hacked the 21 -year -old code that scrambles our phone calls on cell phones?

[245] So now, and the guys, the hackers, put it on the internet so anyone could have it.

[246] So now...

[247] Of course, it's probably not going to happen to us anytime soon, but now there's actually people that have the code that they can listen to your phone calls.

[248] Holy shit.

[249] But it's a 21 -year -old code.

[250] It's like a 64 -bit code.

[251] I think that's where the world is headed to.

[252] I think that's the future.

[253] The future is there's not going to be any private information.

[254] I think what we're seeing with this Tiger Woods thing...

[255] I think we're seeing the future of things to come.

[256] I mean, with him, it's obviously that he's a celebrity.

[257] But the way that everybody is swarming after this information.

[258] Me too, man. I can't fucking put down an Us Weekly.

[259] If I see an Us Weekly at the market and there's some new Tiger Wins information, I grab that.

[260] I can't fucking help it.

[261] I think eventually there's not going to be any secrets.

[262] I think eventually we're going to get to a point where the way information is being distributed is changing the way we feel about information.

[263] With celebrities, it's one thing.

[264] We're looking at it like, well, these are famous people.

[265] It's like they give up that right.

[266] Once you start putting yourself in the public eye, you give up that right to privacy.

[267] Well, eventually that's going to happen.

[268] It's happening with Facebook accounts too.

[269] Girls are doing stupid shit in their Facebook accounts and it gets all the internet.

[270] They go, well, she gave up her right when she put it on Facebook.

[271] It's like that new Google goggles where you can just take a photo of anything.

[272] figures out what it is and then searches it for you so you can now like go to a like uh if you see like a can of pop right take a picture of it it knows what it is googles it but you can it's starting to get where you can they're going to do it where you can do uh flowers and plants and anything so pretty soon everything's going to be google searched so there is no privacy so while i'm here i could you know what i mean like yeah Yeah, I mean, eventually, I'm sure that shit is going to make its way into your house.

[273] Well, it already is.

[274] Google Goggles came out on the Android.

[275] No, but I mean, you'll be able to search someone's house.

[276] Oh, yeah.

[277] Take a photo, and you'll be able to go, oh, this guy lives at 97 Woodcrest Road in Columbia.

[278] Five years ago, you put a picture on your Facebook, a Christmas photo that has your bookshelf in the background.

[279] present day that that's going to start researching every single book that's on your shelf and it's going to put in a database somewhere and a gps location you know what i mean so like when you're searching for something you're gonna be like oh joe has that book at home i think what's happening i think what's happening with twitter and what's happening with facebook and what's happening with just the internet in general is there's way more connectivity between all human beings and a part of that is access to information so that information is not going to be like it is now it's not going to be private i think no do you i think eventually technology will come to the point where lying will be absolutely impossible and you will know everything that everybody else knows and everyone's going to try to hold back on it for a while because people have a lot of dirty secrets they do a lot of creepy shit but i think Ultimately, it's probably going to be good for everybody.

[280] I do think that that's where we're headed.

[281] I think we're headed to a point where everybody has access to...

[282] all the information that everybody else has.

[283] And not just like you go on the internet and you search for it, not like in a rudimentary way where you have to actively look for it.

[284] I think it's going to be right there.

[285] I think there's going to eventually come, they're going to eventually get to a point where there's some sort of technology that's created that allows human minds to interface with other human minds.

[286] I think that's definitely where this is all going.

[287] I mean, when there's talk of neural implants and all these different things, people think that's all crazy, but that's...

[288] That's a small step from where we are in comparison to where we were just a couple hundred years ago.

[289] I mean, a couple hundred years ago, the fastest mode of transportation was riding a fucking animal.

[290] Think about that.

[291] 300 years ago, the fastest shit on land is to ride an animal or have an animal pull you behind something with wheels.

[292] Or a slave.

[293] Yeah, but slaves can't run as fast as animals.

[294] Some of those guys can.

[295] No way.

[296] Not of course.

[297] This guy's an idiot.

[298] I can't believe I'm doing this.

[299] But, I mean, think about what a monumental leap between the transference of information today in 2009 and in 1709.

[300] I mean, think about what we can do right now.

[301] We can send a fucking picture across, you know, space.

[302] Send it through the air and it literally arrives.

[303] I mean, if I have a friend in the UK and I want to send him a picture and a text message, I can take the picture, send it, and it gets to him.

[304] Whoop!

[305] Just like that.

[306] I mean, that's fucking incredible.

[307] I mean, it literally will get there in seconds.

[308] We don't even, we can't even fathom how nuts that is because we do it all the time.

[309] What's coming next is going to make that seem like riding a horse.

[310] That's what's happening.

[311] That's what I think is happening.

[312] That's what I think is this whole...

[313] This rush for information that everybody has.

[314] This insane desire that human beings have for the newest, greatest, latest technology.

[315] Even when you don't need it.

[316] People are always trying to pump up their computers.

[317] The only reason why you need a pumped up computer really is to play video games.

[318] Or if you're crunching video, he needs stuff like that when he makes videos.

[319] Just for raw computing power.

[320] But the average person is not crunching video.

[321] We've hit a wall in computers in general.

[322] don't need even like the fastest computers now the programs the video programs aren't even yeah that's why everybody's into those little netbooks you know those netbooks are the shit except for watching like hd videos right yeah and that kind of sucks and you can't you can't load a cd into it either a dvd right yeah but that technology is like talking about the the floppy drive right before the floppy drive left you know like cds and dvds are out the door even blu -rays have such a small shelf life.

[323] Do you think it's ever going to get to a point where bandwidth will be so broad and mobile functions like laptops and phones, those little mobile cards, it'll be so powerful that it'll be just like your home?

[324] Oh, totally.

[325] It's going to be all that pretty soon.

[326] So it'll basically be like everything will be broadband.

[327] Do we even know what the fuck that is doing to human beings?

[328] You know?

[329] They talk about cell phones causing radiation.

[330] One week they say it's bad, one week they say it's okay.

[331] Well, I think, do you think that it's possible that that's like altering human beings?

[332] Giving kids autism, probably.

[333] It might be that.

[334] It might also be fucking with bees.

[335] There's been speculation that it's been fucking with bees.

[336] And there's also been speculation that it's some crazy virus.

[337] I've read that as well.

[338] But there's also been speculation that Wi -Fi signals and cell phone signals, that it fucks with bees' ability to transmit.

[339] We did a thing for Fear Factor once with bees, man, and it was a fucking trip because this guy was a beekeeper and he had all these bees that he brought with him.

[340] So the stunt was these dudes, they had to be strapped to this pole.

[341] We strap them to the pole, and then we cover them with bees.

[342] And they have to stand there for like five minutes.

[343] They were getting fucked up because every now and then, you know, the bees would argue or something.

[344] They'd sting the dude, and it was bad.

[345] Like, they got stung up.

[346] Well, while this was all going on, and while this guy is tending to these bees and caring for these bees, a local swarm of bees came in.

[347] So our bees and their bees were talking it out.

[348] And we had to back up.

[349] Everybody had to get off the set.

[350] We had to close down the set.

[351] We had to close down the stunt.

[352] And everybody had to move back.

[353] And the beekeeper was saying, we've got, you know, a local band of bees has moved in.

[354] I forget what he calls them.

[355] A hive or I don't know.

[356] But that's like a, I don't know, whatever.

[357] A local band of bees had moved in to sort it out with these bees.

[358] So our bees and their bees were just, this fucking swarm in the sky and they were fighting.

[359] They were just talking.

[360] Like, so what's up?

[361] What are you guys doing?

[362] I'll work for Fear Factor, you know, working for Fear Factor.

[363] We got some dudes, we're going to cover them in bees and shit.

[364] They were like working out what was going on and then they resolved their differences and the local bees went a separate way and then his bees stayed.

[365] Was it like a black cloud?

[366] Yes!

[367] That's crazy.

[368] Dude, it was nuts.

[369] It was a big fucking cloud of bees in the air.

[370] And the bees were communicating.

[371] Where's your cell phone?

[372] Why weren't you filming?

[373] It was back in the day.

[374] You didn't have an E7?

[375] No. E18 or whatever?

[376] I had a Motorola.

[377] We had to press four times to get an S. Do you remember how bad those little Motorola's were?

[378] It was like E815.

[379] Is that what it was?

[380] Yeah, I had one of those.

[381] But, um, so...

[382] they wonder if that's fucking with bees, if our cell phone signals and everything are fucking with bees.

[383] That autism thing, man, it might be something totally like that.

[384] It could be.

[385] It also, you know, a lot of speculation about autism is the age of the parents and that women are having babies like into their 30s and 40s and that increases the risk.

[386] A lot of people have talked about that.

[387] That's very, very possible.

[388] It makes sense, man. We're just older and smarter and we look at it now and we say, well, God, how stupid would it be to have a kid when you're 18?

[389] When you're 18, you're an idiot, which is absolutely true.

[390] But when you're an 18 -year -old idiot, your genetics are much stronger and you could have a kid and the kid probably wouldn't be as fucked up.

[391] I mean, the reality is...

[392] Even though we are lengthening our lifetimes with nutrition and science and we're figuring out a way to make people live longer, really people aren't supposed to live much longer than 50.

[393] Back in the day, if you lived to be 50, holy shit, you pulled off an amazing thing.

[394] But not anymore.

[395] Now people are living to be 110 and you've got Sylvester Stallone is 62 years old.

[396] He's fucking yoked and shredded.

[397] Things are getting very strange now.

[398] That's why...

[399] Guys are smart.

[400] They would just knock up 18 -year -old girls when they want to get, you know.

[401] Yeah.

[402] I mean, 18 -year -old girls would definitely give you the better genetics.

[403] The real question, though, is do you get anything other than, you know, like hair, color, eye, color, personality?

[404] Do you get learned experiences?

[405] And is it better off to have a parent with a lot of experiences?

[406] Are those experiences transferred through DNA?

[407] I never thought of that.

[408] Because they didn't used to think it was.

[409] only they were native to the person who had the idea.

[410] But now they're starting to think that memes can actually be transferred through genetics and that useless traits, even like racism, racism can be transferred through genetics.

[411] And it kind of makes sense because there's a lot of things that we have inside our genetics and our instincts that are basically ancient learned things.

[412] Like, for instance, this dude named Rupert Sheldrake.

[413] Rupert Sheldrake is like this evolutionary biologist dude.

[414] And he pointed out that children that live in New York City, they don't have dreams about like muggers or car accidents.

[415] They have nightmares about monsters, about scary monsters.

[416] And the reason they have nightmares about scary monsters is because back in our heads, somewhere deep in our DNA, we remember back when we were like.

[417] When we were these little apes hanging around in trees and you're running away from big cats.

[418] And that shit is always in our head because that is like the number one thing that was fed off chimps and apes is big cats.

[419] Big cats are constantly killing monkeys and chimps and apes.

[420] And that's...

[421] Like, when they find, like, old human beings, like, you know, the evolutionary versions of human beings, you know, subhuman hominoids, they find all their skeletons, like, a lot of them have, like, big fucking cat bites, big, you know, markings.

[422] So that's like...

[423] That's like some memory that we have ingrained in our genetics, in whoever the fuck we are.

[424] It's very possible that if you're like 18 years old and you fuck a chick and she's 18, you're both retarded, you're going to have a dumbass kid.

[425] I mean, that might be – it might not just be.

[426] you know, your hair color and your eye color and how tall you're going to be.

[427] It might be your actual experiences and your human potential.

[428] At that second.

[429] Yeah, maybe, yeah.

[430] Yeah, maybe if you're a loser, like, if you're a fucking drunk, if you get hammered and you're fucked up and your life is in the toilet and, you know, you bang some chick who's...

[431] You know, on the rebound and, you know, our old boyfriend needs to beat her and you shoot a load in her.

[432] Maybe a kid would be just like really fucking dumb and prone to make terrible mistakes.

[433] You know, I mean, maybe he can get past it, but maybe his inclination, like maybe, maybe we start off in a certain place in life, not just based on the economic situation that our parents are in and, you know, and who the people we grow up with and what our, maybe it's.

[434] Maybe it's our position starts out based on what the parents were thinking and doing when they fucked and conceived you.

[435] Like maybe if that's the lowest point in their life, you, not even because of the way they raise you, they could take you away and raise you in an orphanage somewhere, totally different.

[436] But your potential is limited by the circumstances in which you were conceived.

[437] Do you think that's possible?

[438] Maybe.

[439] I don't think we have any idea, so I think anything's possible.

[440] But it's very obvious that there's a bunch of different types of humans.

[441] There's super powerful, super successful, super smart humans, and there's really fucking dumb people.

[442] I think it's the percentage of your brain being used.

[443] I think people use more brain than other people, and I think it's such a small percentage, but even that.

[444] Yeah, maybe.

[445] That's the real way to become a superhero.

[446] Find out how to use 100 % of your brain.

[447] But isn't that bullshit?

[448] I've heard that that's bullshit.

[449] That we don't use 100%.

[450] Yeah.

[451] Well, I mean, when they hook it up, it shows the...

[452] Yeah, but that's not what that part is for.

[453] You know, I think that whole, you know, human beings only use 10 % of their brain.

[454] I think that's a myth.

[455] Yeah, I think it's a myth.

[456] Well, they don't know exactly what every part of the brain is for.

[457] It's like, they're still like, it's like, you know, it's like...

[458] charting out the bottom of the sea.

[459] There's a lot of shit they still haven't figured out yet.

[460] Alright, let's see if any of you motherfuckers are smarter than us and have answers to all these things that we're talking about.

[461] It is weird when you see like a human brain on TV and you're just like, that's somebody.

[462] That's a person.

[463] That used to be a person.

[464] It's crazy.

[465] It doesn't make any sense.

[466] It's nuts.

[467] Alright, this Twitter is blowing the fuck up, ladies and gentlemen.

[468] No, you spelled Twitter wrong.

[469] I spelled Twitter wrong?

[470] On the Twitter backslash JoeRogan .com.

[471] Oh, I did.

[472] retard.

[473] Should I fix that?

[474] No. Who cares?

[475] You know what I'm talking about.

[476] Damn.

[477] A lot of questions.

[478] Should watch A Scanner Darkly.

[479] Yeah, you know what man?

[480] A Scanner Darkly is something that I bought a long ass time ago.

[481] I got it on DVD and I just have never gotten around to watching it.

[482] I tried to watch it.

[483] I stopped.

[484] Anti -Chris.

[485] Why did you stop?

[486] I don't remember.

[487] It just wasn't that interesting to me. Damn, you hear that shit, Chris?

[488] Motherfucker said it wasn't interesting.

[489] You're recommending it, and he's saying it's whack.

[490] Keanu Reeves, man. Keanu Reeves was tough action.

[491] Has there ever been a guy that more universally panned as an actor, but more incredibly successful?

[492] I know.

[493] I mean, he like...

[494] He blows them off the fucking charts.

[495] He slipped by every time.

[496] Oh, here's something that I need to tell you.

[497] They actually had a Playboy article this month that there was a Roadhouse video game being made a few years ago, but the company went bankrupt.

[498] A Roadhouse video game?

[499] Yeah.

[500] Which is like the Patrick Swayze movie?

[501] Yeah.

[502] That's the greatest bad movie ever.

[503] It's right up there with Showgirls.

[504] If you haven't seen Roadhouse, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you.

[505] If you haven't seen Showgirls, drop this chat and...

[506] either download it or go to the video store and do something.

[507] You've got to watch Showgirls.

[508] Showgirls is awesome.

[509] Just a quintessential movie where the people who are doing the movie were just gacked out of their fucking minds on cocaine and they made a terrible movie that makes no sense.

[510] And it's so bad that it's good.

[511] It's like perfect.

[512] It's just one of those movies that just perfectly crosses over into parody to the point where you can watch it over and over and over again.

[513] Right?

[514] I've only seen it twice.

[515] Showgirls is awesome.

[516] But Showgirls and Roadhouse are both basically the same movie.

[517] They're both movies where it's like they got people that were just full of themselves enough and just underestimating the intelligence of the viewers enough and just hack enough and just...

[518] you know, they just followed the dumbest formula lines possible.

[519] The difference between Roadhouse and Showgirls, though, is that Roadhouse seems to be raw stupidity on its own, whereas Showgirls is the most obvious cocaine movie of all time because it's just so dumb.

[520] Like, you had to be on coke to think that that was a good movie.

[521] Like, if you made that movie and you weren't on coke, you would watch the dailies and you'd be like, what the fuck are we doing?

[522] What are we doing?

[523] What is this movie?

[524] But if you're on coke, you're like, yeah, it's fucking awesome.

[525] Give me another line.

[526] What's your bit?

[527] I'll tell you.

[528] Ask it later.

[529] Which one?

[530] It has something to do with, like, would you even be able to see it yet?

[531] Because, you know, the human brain hasn't seen it yet.

[532] Oh, no. It's my theory about how we believe that everything around us is everything there is.

[533] Right.

[534] And I talk about farts.

[535] And what I say is that if someone farted and you didn't have a nose, You'd have no idea something was going on.

[536] Oh, no, no. I'm talking about something you used to say a while ago.

[537] Something like, you were kind of saying like, would you even be able to see it?

[538] Because our brain hasn't seen it yet.

[539] Like the tiger or something like that.

[540] Oh, but I didn't mean, the tiger bit, if a tiger was running at you, would you be able to even watch that?

[541] Because I think your brain would just start producing side effects.

[542] I think it was about the pyramids or something.

[543] You used to have a thing where you talked about like...

[544] would they even be able to see it because their brain's never seen it before?

[545] I don't think so, man. That's not my act.

[546] I think you're thinking of, there's a part in the movie, The Secret, where those retards claim that, or what the bleep do we know?

[547] I think it was what the bleep.

[548] Where they were looking, they said the Indians couldn't recognize the boat so they couldn't see it.

[549] That was not my act.

[550] My act is the part about how...

[551] If we didn't have a nose and you smell a fart, and this is for the people that are watching this, this is the idea is that we don't have any idea if there's more around us all the time that we can't sense.

[552] And it's very possible that there is.

[553] And what I say is the fart theory.

[554] And the fart theory is if someone farted and you couldn't smell it, you'd have no idea that there's something around you.

[555] It's totally, completely invisible.

[556] But if someone farts, you fucking smell it.

[557] But if you didn't have a nose, you'd be just sitting in someone's stench.

[558] How do we not know that there aren't an infinite amount of things that we just can't detect?

[559] And that smell, even though we can detect, it's for biological reasons.

[560] You smell gas.

[561] You know it's dangerous for you.

[562] You smell fire.

[563] Get away.

[564] There's a reason why we have a sense of smell.

[565] It's good for us.

[566] But what if we didn't?

[567] If we didn't, it would be an invisible thing.

[568] And it's just our imagination that limits.

[569] the possibilities of how many other invisible things there are around us all the time that we can't detect.

[570] There's all sorts of animals like worms.

[571] You take your hand, you roll it over, you know, above a worm.

[572] They have no idea you're there.

[573] They have no idea.

[574] It's very possible that if that exists in nature, that there's also some shit like that with human beings.

[575] It's very possible that we are constantly...

[576] Like the idea of dimensions.

[577] Dimensions might be dimensions of perception.

[578] We just might not have the ability to perceive all these other things that are around us all the time.

[579] I mean, that could be like bad energy.

[580] Like you go into a house.

[581] Many people have told stories that they go into a house where people have been murdered and they can feel it.

[582] They can feel fucked up energy in the house.

[583] Like that all might be real shit.

[584] We don't have a name for it and we're not good at detecting it.

[585] We call it a sense or a feeling.

[586] That might be real energy that you're detecting.

[587] We're just not.

[588] evolved enough to the point where we can really tune into it yet.

[589] Why is it that we like smelling our own farts but not somebody else's farts?

[590] My farts are delicious.

[591] I don't know.

[592] Do you think we would enjoy it if we made ourselves light?

[593] If you forced yourself to smell my farts and enjoy it, make yourself enjoy it.

[594] You'd have to be one of those sick dudes that wax off to fart porn.

[595] Because there's dudes that do that.

[596] There's dudes that like, oh yeah, fart baby.

[597] There's dudes that like that.

[598] That's real.

[599] But I've never heard of anybody who likes their buddy's farts.

[600] That's weird though, isn't it?

[601] It's crazy.

[602] Yeah, it's very weird.

[603] But meanwhile, I enjoy my own farts.

[604] I love my farts.

[605] Everybody does.

[606] If you're in your car and you feel a hot one and it blasts you, when you do this, you stop blowing and smoking.

[607] When I'm in the shower, I cut my hand around my ass and I call it the Donald Duck because it goes...

[608] It makes a Donald Duck noise when you...

[609] And when I fart and it doesn't smell, I'm always disappointed.

[610] Yeah.

[611] Like if I fart, nothing.

[612] Oh, it's worse.

[613] Yeah, but like if somebody else farts like on a plane, you're like, oh, you motherfucker.

[614] I can't believe you did that.

[615] Why is that?

[616] We should love it.

[617] I know.

[618] Because it smells the same.

[619] It's not like your farts smell different than mine.

[620] Well, with our farts, I think we get a little reward.

[621] Like, oh, you're getting all this bad stuff out of your body.

[622] But with other people's farts, it's like, oh, you stinky fuck.

[623] You know, it's not the same reward.

[624] It's weird, though.

[625] Is there any other smells that do that?

[626] I don't like the smell of my shit.

[627] I don't like that.

[628] I'll tell you that.

[629] I don't like that.

[630] When I take a nasty dump, I'm like, oh, get me out of that room.

[631] When I go back in, I would blow my nose or something like that.

[632] I'd go to get some toilet paper.

[633] Oh, what the fuck?

[634] That was my shit?

[635] Yeah.

[636] I don't like it.

[637] But that's funny, man. Have you ever had to shit outside?

[638] You ever have to take a shit in the woods?

[639] That's the worst.

[640] Because there's no water or anything.

[641] It's just steamy, stinky fucking dump on dirt.

[642] Yeah, it's gross.

[643] It smells horrible.

[644] Nobody ever is like sitting there sniffing their pile of shit and getting all happy about it.

[645] It makes no sense.

[646] Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

[647] It's like, what is the evolutionary reason for that?

[648] You know, what is the reason?

[649] It's probably like the cure of AIDS somewhere in that.

[650] Hmm.

[651] Something that, like researchers on, I'm not going to research on farts.

[652] What do you think?

[653] Okay, what do you think about all these dudes?

[654] And there's a bunch of scientists online.

[655] Like, what is that?

[656] There's just one guy that's at the head of the cause.

[657] Peter Duesberg.

[658] And they're all saying that HIV does not cause AIDS.

[659] And that HIV is a very weak virus.

[660] And that the only reason why HIV exists in the systems of these people that have AIDS is because their immune system is so compromised that it can't even kill off HIV.

[661] Well, I think it's really weird that most of the people that have AIDS are drug users and gays.

[662] So it has something to do with the immune system.

[663] But then you can get, what's his name, the basketball player.

[664] They had fake AIDS.

[665] That's the other thing, is that people test negative after a while.

[666] The rich people.

[667] The rich people.

[668] And then it goes into a dormant stage.

[669] Yeah, I mean, Magic Johnson had AIDS, and now he's doing mattress commercials.

[670] It's crazy.

[671] Why is he doing mattress commercials?

[672] He spent a lot of money on AIDS medicine.

[673] Yeah, I think...

[674] I don't know, man. I guess, I mean, they probably pay him millions of dollars to do any commercial.

[675] He's still got a good name.

[676] How much mattresses, though, are you going to sell to pay that million?

[677] How many more of these basketball players, all these dudes who you know are out there just fucking banging chicks left and right?

[678] They must be freaking out about this Tiger Woods shit.

[679] This Tiger Woods shit will throw a monkey wrench into your endorsement deals.

[680] And if you're a Michael Jordan type of dude, that's where those guys make the bulk of their cash is in endorsements.

[681] That's why this is so dangerous to Tiger Woods.

[682] It's not that Tiger Woods can't go out there and still kick ass and golf and say, fuck you, I can do whatever I want.

[683] He can, but he can't because the endorsements is where he gets all his cash.

[684] Well, look at Letterman.

[685] Same thing.

[686] It's blown up this year.

[687] 2009 sucks.

[688] No, it doesn't suck.

[689] It's what I was talking about before.

[690] I think what we're seeing in celebrities...

[691] is going to be mirrored in human beings.

[692] We're seeing more access to information.

[693] We're seeing less secrets.

[694] I think it's a trend.

[695] I think it's a trend because I think that's eventually what the human race is going to come to.

[696] It's going to come to a point in time where there's not going to be any secrets, and that's a good thing.

[697] There's going to be full information disclosed from you to me, and what it is is the convergence of all human beings.

[698] That's what's going to start to ignite the convergence amongst all human beings.

[699] is going to be full access to information.

[700] I know everything in your head.

[701] You know everything in my head.

[702] It's pretty weird, man. It's pretty fucking crazy.

[703] And that's where it's going.

[704] It's going through technology.

[705] And this is what the internet's about.

[706] This is what Twitter's about.

[707] This is what this Ustream chat is about.

[708] This is what all this shit is about.

[709] It's about a convergence of human beings.

[710] Like, human beings are eventually merging into one thing.

[711] I mean, that's the whole ancient line in Eastern mysticism and each Eastern religion is, you know, that we are all one.

[712] We are, you know, We are one consciousness, like the Bill Hicks joke, experiencing itself subjectively.

[713] That's the Timothy Leary ideology, the ideology of all the psychedelic heads, all the people that really got into heavy -duty psychedelic drugs.

[714] It's that it's just one thing and that we can't recognize that we're one thing because we have ego and we have survival and we have all these things.

[715] Our technology and the technology forcing us to evolve, the access to information that technology provides, eventually will cause human beings, all human beings, to converge and literally be like one consciousness.

[716] If I know all your thoughts, I know all your information, and we have an access to it, an interface that's much less crude than what we have now with typing and with researching or watching documentaries, what if it's like an instant access, a human neurotransplant, something that allows all of us to link up our minds together?

[717] That's not that outside of the realm of possibility.

[718] That, to me, seems just as likely as the ability to send a picture through the internet on your phone.

[719] That's just as fucking crazy that you can send video through the air and you can watch a YouTube video on your iPhone and you're like, what the fuck?

[720] I mean, it's just coming through the air and you put the headphones on and it's in stereo.

[721] I'm like, what?

[722] That's going through the fucking sky.

[723] It's just as likely that human beings are eventually going to come to some sort of a technological invention.

[724] We're going to come to something that allows all human beings to interface together.

[725] It might be through this thing.

[726] It might be something you put on and everybody else that has it on all links in together.

[727] Or it might have actually become something you put in your body.

[728] Or it might be something they broadcast through the fucking air that links people together.

[729] I just can't wait until it gets cheaper to be able to upgrade your body parts.

[730] I want to have better eyeballs.

[731] I want night vision.

[732] I want to have fucking Twitter.

[733] I want a new eyeball.

[734] Did you hear about that woman that they made her a new bladder?

[735] Yeah.

[736] They made a new bladder.

[737] They took her own bladder.

[738] They scraped the cells together.

[739] Stem cells.

[740] Yeah, they grew it.

[741] I don't know if it's stem cells.

[742] Yeah, stem cells.

[743] But I know they grew a new bladder for her in a fucking Petri dish and then installed it in her body.

[744] That's crazy.

[745] Just kind of a bag for piss, but that's going to happen with other shit too, man. Eye transplants are crazy too, though.

[746] That's amazing.

[747] Imagine Jessica, my friend's...

[748] Uncle died.

[749] And they donated their eyes and helped somebody see.

[750] That can now see.

[751] And they got a letter just to let you know your uncle's eyes were donated to so -and -so person who can now see.

[752] And they sent him a whole letter.

[753] So you can imagine somebody you know who's dead now, but their eyeballs are still being used.

[754] That's incredible.

[755] That's like a nightmare.

[756] That's like a horror movie, right?

[757] Well, I heard about some...

[758] I think I was listening to the Art Bell show about some lady who...

[759] donated her, or she got a liver from somebody in the operation, and right immediately after the operation, she started having cravings for whatever this dude used to like to eat.

[760] Are you serious?

[761] Yeah.

[762] That's fucked up.

[763] Cravings she never had before, and then she found out that dude really liked to eat this certain type of thing.

[764] Very strange.

[765] Now, I wonder if you got a butt transplant, if you like that person's farts, if you like your own farts still, if you got somebody else's butt.

[766] People may ask the weirdest questions.

[767] Dawkins 20.

[768] Look at this.

[769] Bill Hicks the comedian.

[770] How are they the same guy?

[771] What the hell kind of question is that?

[772] What does that mean?

[773] That doesn't mean anything.

[774] How are they the same guy?

[775] He's one guy.

[776] How are they the same guy?

[777] What?

[778] Alex Jones is Bill Hicks.

[779] This is stupid.

[780] This is people who believe Alex Jones is Bill Hicks.

[781] I met Bill Hicks.

[782] I'm friends with Alex Jones.

[783] They're not the same guy.

[784] Isn't that retarded?

[785] These people cannot be serious.

[786] It has to be a joke.

[787] It's an internet meme.

[788] Right.

[789] If you guys are being serious about that, you guys are fucking retarded.

[790] Yeah, that's pretty silly.

[791] Alright, let's go with some questions here.

[792] Magic Johnson bought the cure for AIDS.

[793] Yeah.

[794] Magic Johnson.

[795] Great South Park episode, too.

[796] I love that.

[797] There was no better South Park episode than the one where the gay dude had a whore off with a parachute and shoved her up his ass.

[798] I remember watching that going, how do they get away with this?

[799] You don't pass on circumstances, but you can pass on the psychic ability to create them.

[800] All right.

[801] All right, Christine.

[802] M. Velez.

[803] How do you know that?

[804] Do you really know that?

[805] Or are you just saying maybe?

[806] Maybe that's what's happening.

[807] But you don't know.

[808] The psychic ability to create them.

[809] Have you ever met anybody that says that they're a channeler or says that they're psychic that isn't a fucking retard?

[810] Have you ever met anyone?

[811] I don't believe any of it.

[812] Every time they do it, they're like fucking scam artists to me. Yeah, I've never met one person that says they're a psychic or says they can channel that isn't retarded.

[813] They're all retarded.

[814] But then it's almost like, do you have to be retarded to be able to do that?

[815] Maybe you have to be a person that can...

[816] You're so socially inept.

[817] You're so clueless to how other people perceive you that you can achieve certain frequencies that other people can't.

[818] Is that possible?

[819] Anything's possible.

[820] Can I get Alex Jones on Opie and Anthony?

[821] I don't think so, man. I don't think that's a good idea.

[822] I saw what Little Jimmy did to Jesse Ventura.

[823] I don't think we'd like that.

[824] Alex Jones is not the kind of guy you're supposed to argue with like that.

[825] He's supposed to enjoy his company.

[826] And ask him questions.

[827] And then we start talking about the New World Order, black helicopters.

[828] Ladies and gentlemen, I see them outside my window every night.

[829] You tell me I'm crazy, but I see black helicopters outside my window.

[830] So what is going on?

[831] You don't argue with that, dude.

[832] You go, damn, man, motherfucking black helicopters.

[833] That's what you're supposed to do.

[834] And I think if I was in the room with Jesse Ventura, I'm certain I would have handled it different than Jimmy did.

[835] But Jimmy's one of those dudes where...

[836] Jim Norton, fantastic comedian, funniest guy on radio, without a doubt, by far.

[837] He's one of those dudes that when he's in the face of someone who's like a bully, he doesn't like that shit.

[838] He doesn't stand up to that shit well.

[839] And he feels like that Jesse has this slow burn in his eyes and I'm a Navy SEAL and all that shit and that you're supposed to listen to him because of that.

[840] And Jim Norton just ain't buying that.

[841] And that's why Jimmy just shut him down and clowned him.

[842] That's just what he does.

[843] He's not good at people being bullies.

[844] I respect that.

[845] People that meditate have large frontal lobe cortexes, study show, says Pete Shreds.

[846] I wonder.

[847] That's very possible, right?

[848] It's very possible that it changes the way your brain works.

[849] I mean, if you lift weights, it changes the way your muscles look.

[850] If you...

[851] exercise your mind in certain ways.

[852] Don't you think it would make that happen?

[853] Brian is going to smoke marijuana live right here on Ustream.

[854] Thank God it's all legal.

[855] Supposedly.

[856] That's the only thing Obama's done that he said he would do.

[857] He's not going after weed.

[858] Ridiculous.

[859] Alright, what else?

[860] Let's go to the Rogan board and read some of the questions that you fine people have.

[861] What is my opinion on free will?

[862] Your blog talks about how we're all living through different circumstances, which is very true, but it seems to denote the power of free will, which kind of sucks.

[863] I don't know.

[864] You know, I go...

[865] I start thinking about free will.

[866] I think about free will in a couple of different ways.

[867] I think it's very possible that, you know, you are shaping your own destiny and that, you know, you can, you know, choose your path and you can, you know, go through this life and, you know, and make something of yourself.

[868] And, you know, the fact that you did it by yourself and you have free will, it's all good.

[869] I think that's very possible.

[870] But I think it's also possible that life itself is a gigantic mathematical algorithm.

[871] That all life itself is like a gigantic mathematical equation.

[872] And that it just doesn't seem like an equation because we're a part of it.

[873] But like that everything, your personality, your biology, your circumstances, your experiences, they're all set up in line to put you in a very specific position to move forward in a very specific way to interface with all the other very specific things that are around you.

[874] All the other very specific people, very specific events.

[875] And that the idea is that what the idea of free will.

[876] It's sort of a misnomer.

[877] Like you have instincts and you have experiences that guide you into a certain way.

[878] Like say if you drank poison, you almost died and it was terrible and you didn't know it was poison.

[879] Well, you'll be much more careful next time and you won't drink poison.

[880] The idea that that...

[881] circumstance that you've experienced has led you to in a very specific way and that your experiences literally are set up as a part of a mathematical equation and that it's all to lead this entire human race which is really just one organism one gigantic super organism to lead this entire human race into a very specific place for a very specific purpose That's possible.

[882] I don't like to think it.

[883] When your ego has any control whatsoever over your mind, your ego wants you to think that, no, I am in control of my whole life.

[884] I have done what I have done and I am proud of all that I have done because it's my own accomplishments.

[885] But really it might be you're following a program.

[886] It really might be we're all a part of this gigantic program and that all this...

[887] ego justification, ego gratification, sex and love and fun and happiness and all these things are really just...

[888] Like numbers and equations and like the powerful number that you get from love forces you to, you know, to be in love and have children and to create more people and to be good to those people.

[889] And those people create more good people.

[890] And that these rewards are all in fact set up as a part of an equation to move the human race into one specific place.

[891] That everyone is working together all over the world and we just don't realize it.

[892] We're bees.

[893] Yeah, we're bees.

[894] I mean, we don't know how bees communicate.

[895] We don't know what sort of a culture bees have.

[896] But we know that they don't have books.

[897] They can't study their past.

[898] They can't study their history.

[899] I mean, how conscious, how aware are they?

[900] And are they just going through the motions because that's how they're programmed?

[901] And if that's the case, if that's the case with wolves and bears and every other animal that sort of goes through these natural motions to achieve a specific result, maybe that's what we're doing.

[902] Maybe we're just doing it and it's way more complicated because what we're doing is we're actually changing our environment.

[903] We're changing the world.

[904] We're creating computers and creating technology and we're involved.

[905] We're the only animal on the planet that's involved in this symbiotic relationship with another life form.

[906] And that other life form is technology.

[907] I mean, if you don't classify life as something that has a heartbeat and something that bleeds, but if you classify life as something that evolves and changes and grows and something that is like...

[908] inextricably linked to human beings technology is just like a virus technology is just like something some sort of a bacteria that's in your system that you can't get out of you know like you have to you have a lot of healthy bacteria in your body all the time and that that's like you have a symbiotic relationship with this healthy bacteria and it keeps you alive and it actually fights off other bacteria That's what probiotics are.

[909] That's what acidophilus is.

[910] You're taking in a live culture that will be your warriors, and they will fight off bad bacteria.

[911] Well, it's very possible that that's what technology is.

[912] Technology is a life force that we are interfaced with.

[913] We have a symbiotic relationship with this other thing, and we need it to keep us alive.

[914] We need it to keep the power on, to keep us warm in cold climates, to make sure your car gets you to work, to make sure that the airbag...

[915] goes off to save your life and all this shit is designed to help us but in turn we keep it going we look at old cars on the side of the road that are broken down and dead and those things are just like dead bodies you know cars that are old that stay alive that's just like we're like wow that's fucking cool that's just like seeing an old man at the gym with big muscles like holy shit you know i mean literally like technology and things that we create we are helping those things evolve.

[916] We are helping those things evolve with our materialism, with our obsession with technology.

[917] We are trying to always constantly get the newer, better, cooler shit.

[918] And in doing that and in supplying that, we are forcing people to work in that industry and continue to evolve technology.

[919] I mean, it's very possible that it's all one fucking big thing.

[920] So, that's my opinion on that.

[921] What do I get for Christmas?

[922] Your mother's pussy.

[923] Oh!

[924] What's my opinion?

[925] Oh, this is too trippy.

[926] Some people just get way too DMT on me. Extreme hippies that are weird to me. Yeah, this is a dude's question.

[927] This is Entheo Shaman.

[928] What is your opinion of the non -ordinary reality accessed by DMT and other...

[929] Entheosubstances, entheogens are, I think the literal translation is something that connects you to God, but it's psychedelic drugs.

[930] Do you feel there is much to learn from this version of reality?

[931] How can it be applied to ordinary reality?

[932] That's the real problem with any psychedelic drugs, whether you're doing salvia or doing DMT or smoking weed.

[933] It's like, are you bringing any of that back?

[934] Is it enhancing your life?

[935] Do you think anything enhances your life?

[936] I don't know.

[937] That question to me seems like he rode it in the garage with his car running.

[938] With a hose inside.

[939] What do you think, man, of the DMT?

[940] What's my take on Charlie Sheen?

[941] Charlie Sheen is a dude who's friends with Alex Jones, like me, but he's not laughing.

[942] He is a 9 -11 conspiracy buff.

[943] He's an actor.

[944] He knows everything.

[945] That's a problem.

[946] He might have just nailed it.

[947] He's an actor.

[948] Actors are tough action, man. I know a couple actors that are pretty cool, but not that many.

[949] Most of them are really annoying.

[950] Somebody said it best that actors are comedians but with no punchlines.

[951] They always want to talk.

[952] They're not giving you anything back.

[953] At least when Joey Diaz is talking, you're going to be laughing and you're going to enjoy it.

[954] You want him to talk.

[955] But actors just talk.

[956] Actors always have the answers too.

[957] If you're talking to actors, very rarely does an actor want to admit that they don't know why something is this or something is that.

[958] They always have opinions, like really poorly thought out opinions, whether it's on politics or war or anything.

[959] Have you recently unfollowed somebody on Twitter because they just tweeted too much?

[960] Unfollowed them?

[961] Yeah.

[962] No. I hardly ever unfollow someone.

[963] The only time I block people, they're just looking to have arguments with me. I'm just like, ugh, boring.

[964] But I follow the dumbest motherfuckers.

[965] I follow so many dumb people.

[966] I don't even want to tell you what they're doing.

[967] I don't want to tell you who they are because some of them are just fantastic.

[968] They're fantastic with their terrible tweets.

[969] I just unfollowed Kevin Smith the other day because he literally spent two hours replying to every single person that has wrote them in the last two months.

[970] And you did it because it blocks up your thing?

[971] It was all him.

[972] I had no one else.

[973] I'm like, oh, next page.

[974] Are you serious?

[975] Yeah, but don't you like him, though?

[976] I do like him, but that's bullshit.

[977] The dude needs to learn how to fucking use Twitter.

[978] Well, how are you supposed to do it if you don't reply?

[979] Direct messages to all those people.

[980] If you're going to waste all our time, we don't care what the answer to this question is.

[981] If you do, put that on a different website.

[982] Yeah, but the direct messages, the problem with the direct messages is that everybody else can't see it.

[983] And one of the cool things about Kevin Smith is that like all these people are following Kevin Smith and you get to see everybody saw Kevin Smith responded to you.

[984] Well, do this video type shit then and reply at all.

[985] You know, like go, okay, here's our next person from Twitter.

[986] Why can't you just let the dude...

[987] Because it just ruins everything else.

[988] I hate it.

[989] I met Kevin Smith and he's cool as fuck.

[990] He's cool as fuck?

[991] I better fuck that guy.

[992] I will never unfollow him.

[993] He could put pages of shit on my Twitter.

[994] And I will keep it going.

[995] Dude, I love the dude.

[996] I will scroll.

[997] I love the dude, but that's just uncalled for.

[998] What do I think of Ben Stein calling Ron Paul anti -Semitic?

[999] I don't think about it at all.

[1000] That's hilarious.

[1001] Those two old queens.

[1002] I would love to see Ben Stein and Ron Paul suck at each other's cops.

[1003] I would pay $1 ,000 for that video.

[1004] Have you seen Bruno yet?

[1005] No. I have that on video too.

[1006] It's another thing I haven't watched.

[1007] Dude, watch it.

[1008] And it's that whole part with Ron Paul in it.

[1009] Ever since I've seen it, I always look at him and he looks like an old queen to me now.

[1010] Ever since then.

[1011] Ron Paul.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] Just how he handled that.

[1014] He handled like...

[1015] I don't know.

[1016] Well, he's super religious.

[1017] Right.

[1018] So it's possible he's gay.

[1019] Right.

[1020] If you're really intelligent and yet super religious, I always gotta go, alright, what's going on?

[1021] What are you doing?

[1022] Blowing guys?

[1023] What are you doing?

[1024] It's weird.

[1025] Yeah, there's something wrong with it.

[1026] It's either money or gay.

[1027] You're really intelligent and you're really buying into it.

[1028] And this is not saying that there's no God.

[1029] It's not saying that there's no – there's not something else.

[1030] I'm the first one to say that I don't know.

[1031] I have no idea.

[1032] But I'm also the first one to say that you don't know either.

[1033] And anybody that pays any attention to religion or follows religion at all and looks at the history of religion knows that it's a – It's a disjointed mess.

[1034] And nobody even knows the origins of all this stuff.

[1035] And nobody knows how much people altered the words.

[1036] And what we do know about it is that even the Bible itself, the oldest version of the Bible, they didn't even use.

[1037] The Dead Sea Scrolls, that's the oldest version of the Bible by far.

[1038] They don't even...

[1039] They don't even use that.

[1040] Wouldn't you think that's like the best one?

[1041] Wouldn't that's like the purest version of it?

[1042] No, we're still busy using the New Testament.

[1043] The New Testament was created by Constantine and a bunch of bishops.

[1044] They piled it together.

[1045] And the Old Testament?

[1046] Well, the Old Testament, the real version of it was written in ancient Hebrew.

[1047] And to this day, in 2009, they only know three out of four words in ancient Hebrew.

[1048] That's 25 fucking percent of the words.

[1049] They don't know what the fuck it means.

[1050] And on top of that, letters also double.

[1051] There's no...

[1052] So there was like numerical value to words that was completely lost when they translated ancient Hebrew to Latin and then to Greek.

[1053] So like the word love and the word God, they have the same numerical value.

[1054] So we don't even really know what the fuck they were saying.

[1055] So no, I'm not saying that there's no God, that there's not something else.

[1056] What I'm saying is to follow.

[1057] current religion as it's, you know, practiced and preached today.

[1058] It's ridiculous.

[1059] It's ridiculous.

[1060] So if Ron Paul's really into that, come on, man. Big old queen.

[1061] What is he doing?

[1062] Is Ron Paul a big old queen?

[1063] Look, if he just came out and said he's a big old queen, I would still vote for him, man. I think he's a bad motherfucker.

[1064] I would like to see if somebody really tried to get in there and shake up the system and change the way, you know.

[1065] The world is run and keep us out of other countries and to demolish the IRS and get rid of the CIA.

[1066] It would be fascinating.

[1067] Fascinating to see if someone could actually do that and not get killed.

[1068] I don't think they could.

[1069] Do you have a Kindle?

[1070] Yeah, I got a Kindle.

[1071] What?

[1072] I just got one of those Sony readers.

[1073] I got it for Christmas.

[1074] It's cool because Google bought all these books.

[1075] I don't know if you can do this with the Kindle or not, but with the Sony one, you can just go to Google and download all these free books onto it.

[1076] Really?

[1077] And they have your issue of Kung Fu Magazine or whatever, Karate Magazine, Black Belt.

[1078] Oh, that I was in?

[1079] Yeah, they have that on Google.

[1080] And so that's the Sony Reader.

[1081] You can go and get that.

[1082] So you can get any book basically for free?

[1083] Well, not any book, but any of the ones.

[1084] Google has like a ton of books, but they're all like old school out of print books.

[1085] I think it has to be out of print.

[1086] I was bummed out, man. I got the Kindle and I couldn't get any Hunter S. Thompson books.

[1087] Oh, really?

[1088] There's like one book that he wrote that was for sale, but they didn't have like Great Shark Hunt.

[1089] Go to google .com backslash books and see if they have it there and you can just download it.

[1090] I don't know if it works on Kindle though.

[1091] Probably.

[1092] Kindle reads PDF files.

[1093] It does?

[1094] But when it reads PDF files, it doesn't let you enlarge the text.

[1095] What?

[1096] Oh, you can do that on Sony.

[1097] Okay, piece of shit.

[1098] I got the wrong one.

[1099] Nah, I don't think so.

[1100] God damn it.

[1101] I think Kindle's still better, probably.

[1102] And our question earlier, when we were talking about can poker, can these bots on poker sites, PokerJ, who's John Carlos Alvarado, who's on a roving board, says, poker sites catch bots with a program that can see if you click the same pixel every time you make a move.

[1103] Something that's impossible to do by a human.

[1104] That's why you have the program go over a couple pixels every time.

[1105] Brian would change the program.

[1106] He figured it out already.

[1107] The thing sucks.

[1108] How was the shit I just took?

[1109] It was excellent.

[1110] Did I really forget everything I learned during the Taekwondo days?

[1111] No. I still remember some Taekwondo stuff.

[1112] Some stuff Taekwondo is effective.

[1113] Like you see Kung Lee uses a lot of Taekwondo.

[1114] He uses a lot of turn side kicks and front leg side kicks and front leg roundhouse kicks where he doesn't switch the legs.

[1115] There's a lot of power in that stuff.

[1116] It's just it's not complete.

[1117] Taekwondo needs other things.

[1118] It needs Muay Thai and wrestling and Jiu -Jitsu and all that stuff.

[1119] But it helps.

[1120] There's some stuff in it that's different.

[1121] You know, the style of, like, karate that Machida uses.

[1122] Like, the leaping in and leaping out.

[1123] Nobody knew that that would work before.

[1124] Because no one was ever good at it that was good at other stuff as well.

[1125] And I think that's, like, sort of the same thing with Kung Lee and Taekwondo.

[1126] Alright, these questions all suck.

[1127] Go back to Twitter.

[1128] Suck cock on my website.

[1129] You guys are a bunch of gay ass motherfuckers.

[1130] Stupid ass questions.

[1131] Not the same questions with the same people.

[1132] Circumcised.

[1133] Here's a good question.

[1134] Would you get your kids circumcised in this day and age because most guys in America are cut?

[1135] No. I am not going to.

[1136] If I have a boy, this new baby, we don't know what it is yet.

[1137] We'll find out soon.

[1138] And if it's a boy, I'm going to let him have a big elephant dick.

[1139] You're disgusting, dude.

[1140] Why do you care what my baby's dick looks like?

[1141] Because I'm going to have to watch a lot of video of it.

[1142] No. No, I mean, I was thinking of that just the other day.

[1143] It's so funny that this person asked that.

[1144] Your dick comes out a certain way.

[1145] I've seen you in pornos and it covers it like a turtleneck.

[1146] Have you ever seen porn and just felt bad for the poor guy?

[1147] You guys have a fucking creep dick.

[1148] Yeah, when he's got a bad circumcision.

[1149] Have you talked to girls about this?

[1150] I don't give a fuck.

[1151] Girls are like, oh my god, he had an uncircumcised dick.

[1152] It was so disgusting.

[1153] That kills his chances.

[1154] I've talked to girls that have sucked uncircumcised dicks and they don't care.

[1155] Really?

[1156] It's a little different, yeah.

[1157] Yeah, any girl that would care is a cunt.

[1158] It's good.

[1159] It would keep cunts away from my boy.

[1160] Some picky cunt who doesn't like an uncircumcised dick.

[1161] And what's your why?

[1162] Do you think it's just mean?

[1163] It's ridiculous.

[1164] It's totally unnecessary, and it feels better, supposedly.

[1165] I don't need help coming faster.

[1166] It's not help coming faster.

[1167] It actually feels better.

[1168] It's more sensitive.

[1169] It's not whether or not you come faster.

[1170] It's more enjoyment.

[1171] Silly, man. I'm not getting my fucking kids hurt.

[1172] That's ridiculous.

[1173] That's ridiculous.

[1174] I hate...

[1175] You're a fucking gay weirdo.

[1176] I'm so glad.

[1177] That's something I think every day.

[1178] I'm like, thank you, Dad.

[1179] Oh, my God.

[1180] There's websites out there where dudes try to regrow their skin.

[1181] It's a long -term process to re -circumcise their dick.

[1182] They stretch it out.

[1183] They have little things, like an attachment that you clip onto the tip of your dick.

[1184] They get more infections and dirt inside there.

[1185] Clean your dick.

[1186] answer to that.

[1187] Clean your fucking dick.

[1188] Look, how hard is it to wash your dick?

[1189] I hate it.

[1190] Dirty dick people should not have no circumcisions.

[1191] But if you're a cleanly person like you should be, like my boy will be, he will have an uncircumcised dick.

[1192] God damn it.

[1193] Have you ever ate out a girl that had really long pussy lips?

[1194] Yeah, I like that.

[1195] There's one where I get stretched probably that far.

[1196] It was like chewing gum when it was in your mouth.

[1197] See, this is too old.

[1198] These questions are like old.

[1199] This is like an hour ago.

[1200] I know, that's the problem.

[1201] Mark Hayden funny?

[1202] His Twitter sure is.

[1203] His Twitter is the bomb diggity.

[1204] What is it?

[1205] The Mark Hayden?

[1206] I think he changed it to the dumb Mark Gayden.

[1207] I'm starting to think it's not real.

[1208] What do you mean?

[1209] Who changed the name of it?

[1210] I don't know.

[1211] No. Did someone change the name of it?

[1212] Whoever's doing it, dude.

[1213] Why would they do that, man?

[1214] We got a thing going on.

[1215] Motherfuckers.

[1216] Do you think on our lifetime microchip system like they do with dogs where it scans instant access?

[1217] Yeah, I think that's going to happen.

[1218] Yeah, I think it's very possible there's going to be some sort of a microchip thing where human beings are going to be scanned into a database.

[1219] The real problem is there's so many fucking people.

[1220] There's so many goddamn people.

[1221] How do you do that?

[1222] How do you keep track of it?

[1223] Who's going to watch it?

[1224] Like people used to say, oh man, what if your phones are bugged?

[1225] Who's bugging these phones?

[1226] Workers?

[1227] Government workers?

[1228] How many people are they watching?

[1229] Is there one person for every person out there?

[1230] Are they just circling on you because they know you sell pot?

[1231] Like, come on, man. How many fucking people are out there that could actually be monitoring people's phones?

[1232] Well, now they have the technology where they can just sit there and record every single phone call and it transcribes it like dragon speak but times 50 technology and it pretty much looks for keywords like money, drug, you know.

[1233] Yeah, that makes sense.

[1234] I've heard that before.

[1235] There's things like video programs.

[1236] Was it called Predator or something like that?

[1237] They had one that would go through the internet and search for Al -Qaeda, search for terrorists, search for certain specific keywords.

[1238] Peak oil versus science.

[1239] You know what, man?

[1240] I think they're going to figure out some other shit besides oil.

[1241] I think it makes sense.

[1242] I think there's a lot of stuff they could do with agriculture.

[1243] There's a lot of stuff they could do with hydrogen.

[1244] There's a lot of stuff.

[1245] It's just we could have come up with something else.

[1246] It's just we got bamboozled into going the way of the oil because it was easy and cheap and it was already in place, and we stayed with oil.

[1247] But I don't think society is going to crumble because we run out of oil.

[1248] I think we'll come up with something just as good.

[1249] Did you hear those new Mini Coopers in the cold, the electric ones?

[1250] In cold weather, it only gets half the power.

[1251] How big is that?

[1252] That's ridiculous.

[1253] Yeah.

[1254] Because they're only good for like 100 miles as it is.

[1255] Right.

[1256] So in cold weather, it goes for 50 miles.

[1257] 50 miles.

[1258] That makes sense.

[1259] Because your battery's more dead in cold weather.

[1260] Yep.

[1261] Pieces of shit.

[1262] Yeah, but imagine buying that car.

[1263] That's an expensive car.

[1264] You know what Top Gear did?

[1265] You know that show Top Gear?

[1266] The BBC?

[1267] Awesome show.

[1268] They took one of those Priuses, an electric car, and they drove it around a track with a...

[1269] Prius is a hybrid, right?

[1270] They drove it around a track with an M3.

[1271] And all the M3 had to do was keep up with the Prius.

[1272] That's all it had to do.

[1273] The Prius went full blast around the track, and the M3, obviously, a much, much faster car.

[1274] All it had to do was keep up.

[1275] The Prius got 13 miles to the gallon, and the M3 got 19.

[1276] So when the Prius drives hard, it's just as much of a piece of shit.

[1277] as you know any other car it's like it's it's nonsense it's like it's it's fake being green and it apparently it's much more toxic to the environment to create a prius than it is to create well i thought i thought how it worked is priuses uh only uh are electric under 25 miles an hour or something like that yeah for stop and go traffic it's it's it's running off battery over that just a normal car that makes sense And over that, as a normal car, it's terrible.

[1278] Yeah, yeah.

[1279] It's just a small city car.

[1280] Terrible goddamn piece of shit.

[1281] Alright.

[1282] Alright.

[1283] That was B .B. Jones with a circumcision question.

[1284] It's so weird you ask that.

[1285] I was just thinking that the other day.

[1286] It's a good question, man. That's a good question.

[1287] That's a weird thing with people.

[1288] You really worry about what your kid's dick looks like?

[1289] Did it start...

[1290] Well, I just think every day how thankful I am.

[1291] You're so silly.

[1292] If I had your little dick, I would cry myself to sleep every night.

[1293] Did you see?

[1294] Somebody posted this on the board today about Indian men and that there's like some...

[1295] What is it?

[1296] 60 % of Indian men...

[1297] I don't know if this is a true statistic.

[1298] I've been rocked.

[1299] Posted it, so...

[1300] Take it with a grain of salt.

[1301] 60 % of Indian men cannot use a standard condom.

[1302] One in five condoms fall off during intercourse.

[1303] So this is from the BBC.

[1304] Is it true?

[1305] I don't know, but we're going to go to it.

[1306] Damn, the BBC.

[1307] We need to go to India, dude, and fuck some women.

[1308] Wow, it really is.

[1309] Wow, it's true.

[1310] A survey of more than 1 ,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for the majority of Indian men.

[1311] That's crazy.

[1312] That's sad.

[1313] As a Magnum user, I feel for you, bitch.

[1314] Wow.

[1315] Scientists even checked their sample, checked to see if their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion, and urban and rural dwellers.

[1316] So even like the peasants, you know, even the slaves in India have little dicks.

[1317] So sad.

[1318] At least the peasants in America, like the lower class in America, are generally thought to have the biggest dicks.

[1319] Right?

[1320] Slaves, back in the day when they had slaves, those guys almost had monster horse dicks.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] How many white women do you think fucked slaves back then?

[1323] Snuck in.

[1324] Tons of them.

[1325] Do you think they did?

[1326] Oh, yeah.

[1327] When their husband stopped fucking them, right?

[1328] Yep.

[1329] Snuck in and just got some Alabama black snake.

[1330] How many white women do you think had babies with slaves back then?

[1331] There was a lot of dead babies.

[1332] Really?

[1333] I bet.

[1334] Well, there was a lot of white guys who would fuck their black slaves.

[1335] That was very common.

[1336] And have babies with their black slaves.

[1337] What a fuck that must have been.

[1338] How weird must that have been to the guy who was the father would fuck the slave, have a baby with the slave.

[1339] The slave would have his baby and he would see this half -white baby and he would just leave the half -white baby with the slaves and let them take care of it.

[1340] Like he wouldn't even bring it in as his kid just because of a race thing.

[1341] That must be, that must have been fucking enough.

[1342] Talk about like haunting your conscience.

[1343] How weird is witch trials?

[1344] You know, the old school witch trials where they would, like, weigh witches.

[1345] Or it still goes on today, you know.

[1346] In Africa.

[1347] In Africa, they still have a huge problem with people accusing people of...

[1348] being bewitched.

[1349] Remember that video where they caught him on fire and they're just sitting there on fire?

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] They're beating with sticks and kicking him.

[1352] This is real recent.

[1353] Here, I'll put it on Twitter.

[1354] I wrote a blog article about it.

[1355] That's one of the worst videos.

[1356] That and the Hong Kong girl snorting herself to death.

[1357] Yeah, there's that video that you can see this Hong Kong girl.

[1358] She snorts this gigantic line of ketamine.

[1359] Ketamine is a fucking cat tranquilizer.

[1360] A lot of crazy kids are doing this.

[1361] And she snorted this gigantic line for a video and then wound up dying.

[1362] And the video is available online along with the story.

[1363] Trying to find the...

[1364] I want to put that article online that I wrote about...

[1365] I think it was called Humanity Gone Haywire.

[1366] I think that was the...

[1367] That was the name of the article.

[1368] But it was all about how nutty it is that there's this real problem they have right now.

[1369] I don't know when that was from.

[1370] There's no search option?

[1371] My blog archives are gay.

[1372] Look at that.

[1373] There's no search option.

[1374] That's weird.

[1375] I have a search option.

[1376] This is terrible.

[1377] Alright, let's check it for.

[1378] Tell you, dude.

[1379] Look at that.

[1380] My fucking website is...

[1381] This is way better.

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] Google is way better for searching than my own fucking website.

[1384] My website's being redesigned right now, people.

[1385] You've been saying that for eight years.

[1386] Yeah, it has been being redesigned for eight years.

[1387] It's all true.

[1388] God damn it.

[1389] Let me find out the Twitter this bitch.

[1390] I just put it up on Twitter.

[1391] If you're bored and you want to read the thing about witchcraft.

[1392] Watch the video if it's still there.

[1393] It's really creepy.

[1394] You know, a funny thing about witchcraft in America, like everybody knows about the Salem witch trials.

[1395] What I read, the biggest connection they have to what happened there and then, why everybody thought they were being possessed and there was witchcraft going on, was that there was a late frost and that the wheat...

[1396] got frozen and when it thawed out, apparently when that happens, when there's a late frost and wheat freezes and thaws out, it grows a certain fungus on it.

[1397] And this certain fungus is called ergot.

[1398] And ergot has, it's like really similar or identical rather chemically to LSD.

[1399] So when they would take this bread that they would make from this wheat that had grown this fungus on it, these people would fucking trip their balls off.

[1400] They would have these crazy, horrifying, bad -ass trips.

[1401] So they literally thought they were under a spell, which totally makes sense.

[1402] And they just started burning bitches.

[1403] And women always want to say that it's, oh, you know, men were, you know, back then, you know, men were the spell that a woman would cast upon her.

[1404] you know, upon him with her beauty was just too perplexing and the men couldn't deal with the fact that women had all those powers, they killed him.

[1405] Eh, come on.

[1406] Guys have been raping chicks forever.

[1407] You tell me they've got to stop back then?

[1408] This is not that much, this is not that perplexing.

[1409] Guys want to shoot a load, they shoot a load.

[1410] You know, guys want to shoot a load, they jerk off, they don't want to shoot a load anymore.

[1411] You know, they're not going to start burying people because they want to fuck them.

[1412] I don't believe that.

[1413] I think it's a much more likely...

[1414] scenario that this fungus grew on this wheat because they had already they'd taken soil samples and so they had known from their you know whatever climatological studies they used to figure out how cold it was during a specific time there was a late frost there was some evidence that there was a late frost and then this um ergot was also found somehow or another during this time period so I think it's just speculation, but it's much more educated speculation than the idea that the men were under the spell of these women and they decided to kill them.

[1415] That doesn't make any sense.

[1416] I think they probably did the acid from the wheat and then killed the cunts.

[1417] That's probably what it was.

[1418] You know, that's why it was a witch trial.

[1419] Those were probably the cuntiest women in the town.

[1420] They probably just, let's cook these bitches.

[1421] Major bitches.

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] Like, these chicks are bad energy.

[1424] Like, you'd be around them like, fucking bitches giving me bad vibes.

[1425] You know, because you're all acid and out.

[1426] And they probably just started lighting them on fire.

[1427] Like, fucking, let's kill this bitch.

[1428] Why are we having her around?

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] Imagine if that's really what the witch trials were about.

[1431] Maybe, like, afterwards, people were so nice.

[1432] They killed all the cunts off.

[1433] Can you imagine that?

[1434] Is that possible, ladies and gentlemen?

[1435] Does that make sense?

[1436] Who the fuck is calling me during my goddamn podcast, Tate Fletcher?

[1437] You know, I'm on fucking Ustream, bitch.

[1438] How dare you?

[1439] All right, let's go back to the questions, ladies and gentlemen.

[1440] Have I ever seen the Northern Lights in Iceland?

[1441] No, I've never seen them in purpose.

[1442] That'd be so awesome.

[1443] I've seen some shit online, though.

[1444] It looks incredible.

[1445] It's like the sky becomes like a desktop screensaver.

[1446] I've been seeing way more Falling Stars lately.

[1447] Really?

[1448] Like, it's almost getting to the point where it's kind of ridiculous.

[1449] Yeah, it's...

[1450] There's a meteor coming.

[1451] Once a week, maybe, I see it.

[1452] At least one.

[1453] Could you imagine?

[1454] We know for, I mean, it doesn't seem like it's real.

[1455] Like you sit and talk about, like, asteroid impacts.

[1456] Oh, the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago.

[1457] Or the one that killed, you know, everything before that.

[1458] The mass extinction before that 250 million years ago.

[1459] Or the one that ended the ice age 10 ,500 years ago.

[1460] I mean, there's all this speculation about asteroids.

[1461] But the real reality is there are gigantic, hundreds of thousands of gigantic rocks in space that can fuck us up.

[1462] And every now and then, one comes crashing down.

[1463] It's happened many, many, many, many, many times.

[1464] Over the history of the life of the Earth, it's happened so many times.

[1465] And it could easily happen today.

[1466] It could easily happen tomorrow.

[1467] You could easily have one that comes from behind the sun and we can't see it until it's too late.

[1468] And then, boom!

[1469] And it just fucks the whole world up.

[1470] That's so possible.

[1471] We don't like to think it's possible because it's never happened.

[1472] But I always like to, I always say it's like an anthill.

[1473] That human life is like an anthill.

[1474] Like if you are an ant and you're living in an anthill, you were probably born in that anthill.

[1475] And that anthill is all you've ever known.

[1476] I mean, how long do ants live?

[1477] Like a week?

[1478] A couple weeks?

[1479] Something like that.

[1480] So say like this anthill's been around for six months.

[1481] That's been through the generations after generations.

[1482] Long dead have made this anthill.

[1483] And then, you know, you're toiling away in your little anthill.

[1484] And one day some kid is walking through the field and he sees that anthill and just boom, boom.

[1485] He just starts to stomp on it for no fucking reason.

[1486] And then your anthill's crushed out of nowhere.

[1487] You never thought it was going to happen.

[1488] It's always been fine.

[1489] Everything's always been cool at the anthill.

[1490] If you had a...

[1491] take a guess, and you had to make a gamble, you would say, yeah, yeah, this anthill's always going to be here.

[1492] It's always been here, always will be here.

[1493] Bam!

[1494] Some kid just stomps the fuck out of it.

[1495] That could happen to people.

[1496] That could happen to Earth.

[1497] Katrina.

[1498] Katrina.

[1499] How about Detroit?

[1500] It's happening like that in Detroit.

[1501] Slow.

[1502] Yeah, slow.

[1503] Slowly, somebody has a magnifying glass on that Detroit.

[1504] Dude, I watched Anthony Bourdain had a show about Michigan the other night, and they were driving through Detroit.

[1505] Oh, it was horrible.

[1506] Terrible.

[1507] You ever watch the Anthony Bourdain show?

[1508] It's a good show.

[1509] It makes you hungry.

[1510] He goes and eats.

[1511] Oh, the food show?

[1512] Yeah, he eats always with no reservations.

[1513] It's a fucking show.

[1514] It makes me so hungry.

[1515] NASA says there's an asteroid with the possibility of hitting Earth in 2029.

[1516] Yeah, there's a bunch of them out there that they don't know about.

[1517] They come to...

[1518] Their problem is the sky's too goddamn big.

[1519] I mean, it's covering everywhere.

[1520] Shit's coming from the North Pole and the South Pole.

[1521] And you never know where something's coming from.

[1522] I mean, it could be coming from anywhere.

[1523] You never know.

[1524] There could be something heading our way that we haven't picked up on.

[1525] It could be behind something.

[1526] We don't see it.

[1527] Gravity distorts our view of things as well.

[1528] Like, if you look at the sun, you can literally...

[1529] You know, you look at the sun...

[1530] the telescope you could see things behind the sun because of the distortion and the gravity of the sun because it's so massive i don't understand how that works but that apparently is how how it works and so there's occasionally things that could be hiding behind something that's coming straight at us we don't even fucking see it until it's too late you know there's just not enough human beings out there monitoring the sky to really accurately predict you know oh we're we have 100 clear skies nothing's going to hit us for the next 200 years they don't know that They can't say that.

[1531] There's always something that comes real close that just barely misses us, and they go, whoa, holy shit, that was three miles long, and it missed us by 200 ,000 miles.

[1532] That's not much, you know?

[1533] Okay, let's go to some questions, you dirty bitches.

[1534] Nibiru in 2012 says the anti -Chris.

[1535] I don't know, man. That's what some people think.

[1536] Did you ever see the 2012 movie?

[1537] Yes.

[1538] Horrendously bad.

[1539] Really bad.

[1540] Not even worth watching.

[1541] Even the special effects sucked.

[1542] Oh, really?

[1543] I mean, it was awesome things were happening, but it didn't look real.

[1544] Like the car, there's a limo and it's jumping things and landing fine and driving off.

[1545] And it looked all computer generated and silly.

[1546] You know, it's like every five seconds, the fucking, you know, the car was almost going off the cliff, but barely made it, you know?

[1547] It's like, come on.

[1548] Stop.

[1549] Stop with your nonsense.

[1550] This guy here.

[1551] EasyDog007 says, Yeah, I believe in God.

[1552] How did everything originate?

[1553] But how did God start?

[1554] Hmm.

[1555] Oh, that's an easy question.

[1556] Answer it.

[1557] God.

[1558] What are you there?

[1559] The real problem is believing in anything.

[1560] You know, that's the real problem.

[1561] The real problem is believing in anything.

[1562] It's not believing in God or believing in Jesus.

[1563] The real problem is believing in anything.

[1564] You don't know.

[1565] You don't know.

[1566] God created a really good video game and we're all in it.

[1567] That's possible.

[1568] This is like God's version of The Sims.

[1569] Right.

[1570] And this is on somebody's phone.

[1571] We're not even like a good video game.

[1572] We're just like a fucking cell phone video game.

[1573] People play when they kill time, waiting in line at the supermarket.

[1574] Right, right.

[1575] Or break or whatever it's called.

[1576] The real problem with believing in God is that believing in God just makes people feel better.

[1577] It's not saying that God doesn't exist.

[1578] It's very possible that God exists.

[1579] But you don't have the information.

[1580] No one does.

[1581] You can decide that you have that information because it empowers you.

[1582] You can decide that there's a God because...

[1583] It makes you feel more comfortable or it makes you feel more, you know, that there's a future to this world.

[1584] And after you die, there's something waiting for you.

[1585] And that gives you confidence and that gives you that.

[1586] It can empower you.

[1587] And that works for a lot of people.

[1588] I know a lot of fighters who are very religious and that belief in God that actually empowers them.

[1589] And it can work that way.

[1590] But it really is just a tool.

[1591] It's just a psychological tool that they're using to empower them.

[1592] It doesn't necessarily help them.

[1593] What helps them is the state of mind that they put themselves in by believing in God.

[1594] You know, it's a really kind of a funny thing.

[1595] It's a catch 22.

[1596] Believing in God can empower you.

[1597] The ideas of Christianity are very empowering ideas.

[1598] The idea is that, you know, that, you know, love your man as if he's you and, you know, look, do unto others as if you would have them do unto yourself and, you know, turn the other cheek and don't be violent and be helping and be loving and be humble and worship God.

[1599] The idea of God, what God is, God is life and energy and the whole universe and that you treat the whole process.

[1600] And that in going to a religious service and practicing any sort of a religion and sticking to a certain ethic, the way you're doing is committing to positive energy.

[1601] And if you commit to that positive energy, then those...

[1602] positive thoughts and a positive way of thinking, that's empowering.

[1603] And that really will help you.

[1604] And if you really do believe that you have a destiny and that God has carved out this destiny for you, that's an empowering thing.

[1605] That shit will absolutely make you better at things.

[1606] You say, that's evidence of God.

[1607] That's evidence of Jesus.

[1608] Well, maybe, but more likely it's evidence that you put yourself in the exact proper state of mind to achieve things.

[1609] By thinking positive and having positive energy and being a loving Christian, by doing all those things, you put the good energy out there and you've given yourself confidence because you're doing the right thing.

[1610] And you've given yourself a strong belief in yourself because you're following the right path.

[1611] And in doing that, that's very empowering.

[1612] That's how God is real.

[1613] That's how religion is real.

[1614] But what it really all is, at the heart of it, is you tuning in to the correct frequency of the universe with the least amount of resistance.

[1615] The least amount of resistance from you.

[1616] The least amount of negative thinking.

[1617] The least amount of...

[1618] When I was a kid, I'd get in arguments all the time with everybody about anything.

[1619] And really, I was just a knucklehead.

[1620] I was just a dumb fuck.

[1621] But I didn't realize that by doing that, by creating all this drama in my life...

[1622] It was just distracting the shit out of me, and it was keeping me from doing things that I wanted to do.

[1623] It was keeping me from being happy and comfortable and friendly.

[1624] I was constantly in a state of causing...

[1625] trouble and and causing drama and and creating all these obstacles in my own life and i didn't realize it at the time and i always thought of people that were religious like i was thought well there's got to be a lot of power in that because like like i was afraid of a dude who was uh religious who was on uh one of the u .s uh taekwondo teams back when i was fighting there's this dude i think his name was bobby clayton and i think that's his name don't But he wasn't the best guy, but he was crazy religious.

[1626] And that used to scare the shit out of me. This dude used to read the Bible every day.

[1627] And this dude was like super, super, super religious.

[1628] And he really believed in himself.

[1629] And I was, you know, not very religious.

[1630] And even though I was doing really well in these tournaments and I was, you know, beating a lot of really good guys, there was something about this dude and his religion that scared me. Like on paper, he shouldn't have been the scariest guy to me, but he was.

[1631] for whatever reason, because this dude was really religious.

[1632] So for, you know, that, that belief that he had in himself, that, that the belief in his faith and his, that all that shit was, is empowering to him.

[1633] And I recognize that it was empowering to him, that he was really legit about it.

[1634] And then he was his super religious behavior.

[1635] Like he was never, he never swore.

[1636] He didn't drink.

[1637] He was friendly to everyone.

[1638] He was like really, really, really dedicated.

[1639] And that was.

[1640] That made me nervous.

[1641] I think religion is empowering.

[1642] Brian has been a huge advocate of Scientology ever since he moved to Hollywood, right?

[1643] I mean, tell us about your experiences with Scientology.

[1644] They're sluts.

[1645] They're easy.

[1646] Yeah, they're real easy to sleep with.

[1647] Really?

[1648] You just have to trick them and a lot of positive energy and stuff like that.

[1649] Is that what you do?

[1650] Yeah, and you just take their money and they sleep with you.

[1651] It's great.

[1652] Damn.

[1653] Do you hear that?

[1654] Does Scientology have a thing with fucking?

[1655] Are you allowed to fuck?

[1656] No, you're allowed to fuck.

[1657] No, you don't have to be married or anything?

[1658] No, I don't think so.

[1659] Yeah, when any new religion comes around, you can't be...

[1660] I'm not a Scientologist, by the way.

[1661] He's lying.

[1662] I think if I had to pick one religion, like if you had to do it, I'd be Buddhist.

[1663] Yeah, that seems like the one that makes the most sense.

[1664] But the problem with being a Buddhist is you've got to hang around with a bunch of fucking phonies.

[1665] A bunch of people who are pretending to be Buddhists, you know?

[1666] Yeah, they all smelly feet.

[1667] Yeah, it's like the idea of hippies.

[1668] It's all good on paper, but the real problem with hippies is, you know, they don't want to work.

[1669] They're fucking lazy and stupid, a lot of them.

[1670] You know, it's like the stereotypes of, like, the pot -smoking, lazy, you know, ne 'er -do -wells.

[1671] Like, that's, like, accurate in a lot of ways.

[1672] That's the real problem with hippies, you know?

[1673] What's Buddhist women look like?

[1674] I don't think I've ever seen a Buddhist woman.

[1675] They look like vegetarians.

[1676] Oh, really?

[1677] Do they have bald heads?

[1678] Orange robes?

[1679] Ladies and gentlemen, I've got to take a shit again.

[1680] I can't believe this.

[1681] We ate sausage subs at this local place down the street.

[1682] They're a little bit too strong, too powerful.

[1683] 524 viewers, I appreciate this.

[1684] It will be only a couple minutes, but Brian will answer questions while I'm gone.

[1685] I'll only be gone for a couple minutes.

[1686] My bathroom's right down here.

[1687] I'll be right back.

[1688] All right.

[1689] What's the chemical...

[1690] For Bod Rail, you asked what the chemical structure on Joe's shirt on the Spike Comedy Central.

[1691] If you ask questions, you can ask questions and I'll answer them.

[1692] And you relay what I'm saying.

[1693] How about that?

[1694] That's DMT, though.

[1695] Yeah.

[1696] And those shirts will be for sale soon.

[1697] Joe will have it on his website.

[1698] They're trying to get the website together to sell.

[1699] He's going to have a whole bunch of different kinds of shirts and clothing, I guess.

[1700] So that will be coming soon.

[1701] It's a whole clothing line.

[1702] Do you ever get tired of all these stupid people asking you about drugs?

[1703] I think you just get tired of stupid people who don't care about drugs.

[1704] Yeah, I don't get tired of drug questions.

[1705] No, he doesn't get tired.

[1706] I have plenty of drug questions on my cell phone.

[1707] What else?

[1708] A lot of the same questions.

[1709] Give me one of the same.

[1710] Have you ever heard of Yuri Geller?

[1711] That's not one of the same ones.

[1712] Is he like a psychic?

[1713] Psychic?

[1714] There you go.

[1715] Should I take DMT?

[1716] No. You should not take DMT if you're asking Joe on a Twitter.

[1717] Yeah.

[1718] If you're...

[1719] Never mind.

[1720] Are aliens...

[1721] Are aliens among us?

[1722] Yes, they're Asian.

[1723] Ryan thinks that all aliens are Asians.

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] I think all aliens are Asian or some kind of breed of Asian.

[1726] Because they're just higher technology than us regular white people.

[1727] We're more cavemen.

[1728] They're more alien.

[1729] Let's see.

[1730] Let's go back to your Rogan board.

[1731] Forums .joerogan .net.

[1732] There's a whole thread with people asking questions on there also.

[1733] Can you use stream over the iPhone?

[1734] Yeah, I believe so.

[1735] But it's probably only good if you use Wi -Fi, right?

[1736] But it's probably only good if you use Wi -Fi.

[1737] What's the best place you've ever done stand -up?

[1738] There's no one best place, but my favorite places are Austin, Texas.

[1739] His favorite places are Austin, Texas.

[1740] Philadelphia.

[1741] Philadelphia.

[1742] Phoenix, Arizona.

[1743] Phoenix, Arizona.

[1744] San Francisco.

[1745] New York's a good place.

[1746] San Francisco's a good place.

[1747] Columbus, Ohio's a good place, too.

[1748] Columbus, Ohio.

[1749] Any updates on Brock Lesnar's health, as everyone's asking?

[1750] I haven't heard anything about it.

[1751] I think it's going to take a long time for them to sort that out.

[1752] He hasn't heard anything new.

[1753] It's going to take a long time for them to sort all that out.

[1754] It apparently is in pretty serious condition that he has.

[1755] Red Band, you seem to be pretty much up on technology.

[1756] What's the single piece of technology equipment that would be available to the public you're most excited about in 2010?

[1757] I think a lot of people who know me, I'm excited for the new Apple.

[1758] tablet, like an oversized iPhone.

[1759] Because netbooks are so popular right now, and I just find that that's just going to be what's next after netbooks and iPhones.

[1760] I'm back.

[1761] I just took another tremendous shit.

[1762] Oh, you trailed it in.

[1763] Did I?

[1764] Sorry, fella.

[1765] Brian's upset, but my shit stinks.

[1766] What do you expect, man?

[1767] Is it that bad?

[1768] Yeah, I'll light some more.

[1769] Alright, I'll try to enjoy the liking, alright?

[1770] Oh, that's great.

[1771] You're faking it.

[1772] Yeah, I'm faking it.

[1773] I shouldn't have to fake it.

[1774] I should just act like it's mine.

[1775] Yeah, why don't you do that?

[1776] Okay, it's mine.

[1777] No, it doesn't work.

[1778] It's so stupid.

[1779] It should work.

[1780] Yeah, you can't trick yourself.

[1781] What do we got here?

[1782] Uh...

[1783] I think your Twitter turned out on this page.

[1784] Did you see that cloud just flew through the room?

[1785] I'm going to refresh this page.

[1786] This show's gay.

[1787] Is that your stomach or you burp?

[1788] I burp.

[1789] We just ate at this Italian place down the street.

[1790] Tremendous sausage and pepper sub.

[1791] You can get an East Coast sausage and pepper sub in L .A. Was it called Cavaretti's?

[1792] Cavaretti, something like that?

[1793] Ew!

[1794] Oh!

[1795] How many Goodfellas posters were in there?

[1796] Four!

[1797] Okay, questions.

[1798] Do you wipe from the front to back or back to front?

[1799] That's a good question.

[1800] I never thought about that.

[1801] I'm a dude, and I'm wiping my ass, not my vagina.

[1802] So I guess front to back.

[1803] Do you stand up?

[1804] Yes.

[1805] When I wipe your ass, totally.

[1806] Dude, you know we're rare.

[1807] Really?

[1808] Most people sit down when they wipe.

[1809] They can't get the job done.

[1810] I know.

[1811] I don't understand it.

[1812] Also, you said you always pee sitting down.

[1813] That's kind of weird.

[1814] No. How dare you?

[1815] How dare you?

[1816] I'll tell you something about my toilet, though, that you probably didn't want to know, but you probably already know if you follow me on Twitter.

[1817] First of all, you can't...

[1818] Flush those flushable wipes.

[1819] That's bullshit.

[1820] They say you can flush those things.

[1821] Yeah, they'll disappear, but they're going to clog up your fucking toilet.

[1822] Those flushable butt wipes that you get, you've got to use just toilet paper.

[1823] Well, you've been getting the flushable kind, right?

[1824] The disposable kind, yeah, but they're not flushable.

[1825] It's a lot.

[1826] The first month of using those, I thought they were all flushable, and then I saw that little picture on the back, and I'm like, oh!

[1827] You clogged the shit out of your toilet.

[1828] But mine got clogged up, and they had to come and fucking...

[1829] clean it out, rescue it, cost a lot of money.

[1830] But the big thing is that I had a fucking plant growing in my toilet.

[1831] Yeah.

[1832] You saw that shit, right?

[1833] It was ridiculous.

[1834] It was a gigantic tree that was growing in my toilet.

[1835] Like, they found roots and they pulled it out and I put it up on Twitter.

[1836] I think a lot of people have seen it.

[1837] Let me see if I can find it.

[1838] I'll see if I can find it.

[1839] I'll throw the link back up.

[1840] Maybe it's on my Flickr page.

[1841] I mean, it was so ridiculous.

[1842] I mean, it was so ridiculous that I looked at it and I was like, how the fuck was that growing?

[1843] inside my toilet.

[1844] But I guess it was the water.

[1845] You need to start updating your Flickr, brother.

[1846] I do, right?

[1847] Let me see my photo stream.

[1848] I must have had it up here.

[1849] I know I had it on TwitPic, right?

[1850] Maybe that's where it was.

[1851] Yeah.

[1852] These are my snow in Colorado photos.

[1853] Yeah, it's on in here.

[1854] Alright, I'll put it up.

[1855] Let me suck it.

[1856] It's got a twit, twit, his twit, your twit.

[1857] Yeah.

[1858] Goodbye.

[1859] We need some music in here, right?

[1860] No. Why not?

[1861] That's against the law.

[1862] What?

[1863] Is it?

[1864] You're streaming music.

[1865] If I do this and I have music playing in the background, we can't do it?

[1866] You'll be arrested.

[1867] Come on.

[1868] Really?

[1869] Yeah.

[1870] This isn't a, it's not a twit pic.

[1871] You know, that's the problem with using all these different goddamn, um.

[1872] Yeah.

[1873] programs.

[1874] It might be YFrog or I don't know what the other one is or how the other one works.

[1875] So fuck that.

[1876] I'll find a picture.

[1877] Just go back in your Twitter and you'll find it.

[1878] Toilet tree.

[1879] I don't even know where the fucking photo is.

[1880] Now I have to go to iPhoto.

[1881] I apologize for this, ladies and gentlemen.

[1882] This is not very entertaining, isn't it?

[1883] You don't even give a fuck.

[1884] You do give a fuck when you see the picture, though.

[1885] The picture's just so ridiculous that this goddamn thing was actually growing inside my toilet bowl.

[1886] It seems like it's not going to be worth the wait.

[1887] What you do is Google Toilet Tree Joe Rogan.

[1888] It'll be out there.

[1889] You think so?

[1890] Yeah.

[1891] There it is.

[1892] Look at this motherfucker.

[1893] I mean, come on, man. Look at that fucking thing.

[1894] That shit's ridiculous.

[1895] I gotta show you guys this.

[1896] This shit is ridiculous.

[1897] It looks like a Muppet.

[1898] It doesn't even look real.

[1899] It looks completely fake.

[1900] So, now I'll go back to Flickr.

[1901] I'll upload this shit.

[1902] This is...

[1903] It's going to be hard for this picture to live up to the hype of me fiddling through my fucking computer for five minutes trying to get this picture to you guys.

[1904] But once you get the picture, I think you'll appreciate what the fuck I'm saying.

[1905] Because it's so ridiculous that this thing was growing in my goddamn toilet.

[1906] Weird.

[1907] What the fuck?

[1908] Where is it?

[1909] I just explored it.

[1910] All right, it's uploading right now.

[1911] Thank you, Jesus.

[1912] As soon as it uploads, I'll take the link.

[1913] My internet is so weak.

[1914] Why haven't you done this yet?

[1915] All you have to do is make a call.

[1916] I'm going to procrastinate.

[1917] Clearly.

[1918] Make a phone call.

[1919] That's all you have to do.

[1920] I think I will.

[1921] You're going to have to be here.

[1922] It's 3620, so I'll do it tomorrow.

[1923] I'm going to do it, ladies and gentlemen.

[1924] A lot of people talk about upgrading the internet.

[1925] I'm going to fucking do it.

[1926] And I'm going to do it for you guys.

[1927] Because once you do that, we could have separate cams.

[1928] You know, we could have two cams.

[1929] We could have a third cam if we need to show something else.

[1930] We could have a third cam just via your desktop.

[1931] So instead of having to upload all these photos, you could just show what's on your desktop.

[1932] Why would I do that?

[1933] It's easier.

[1934] That's good.

[1935] Whatever.

[1936] Shut up.

[1937] Okay, here's the photo.

[1938] Which bathroom was that?

[1939] The one in here?

[1940] Yeah.

[1941] Oh, Jesus.

[1942] What do you think about the Mayweather -Packman situation?

[1943] I think they're genius.

[1944] Minus 38, really?

[1945] How?

[1946] Oh.

[1947] It's not Twitter.

[1948] Tiny URL.

[1949] Why doesn't it just do it for you?

[1950] Never mind.

[1951] Because it's a whack program.

[1952] Shit.

[1953] Their Twitter program is whack.

[1954] It doesn't even shrink your URLs.

[1955] Who would have ever thought that that would be a business?

[1956] Dude, it's gotten big.

[1957] We're getting a tiny URL business.

[1958] What are you talking about?

[1959] Oh, making people website names really small.

[1960] Yeah.

[1961] Who the fuck would have ever thought there would be a market for that?

[1962] One of the websites, I can't remember.

[1963] I don't think it's tiny URL.

[1964] But it's one of them almost got bought the other day for a couple million dollars.

[1965] And that's all it is, is a URL short.

[1966] That's hilarious.

[1967] All right.

[1968] I put it up, you fuckers.

[1969] That's another one that was growing.

[1970] All right.

[1971] Sorry for the long delay.

[1972] That was ridiculous.

[1973] It wasn't even that interesting.

[1974] But it is kind of interesting.

[1975] I put the picture up.

[1976] You can go see the picture.

[1977] It's on my Twitter.

[1978] What's next after a weekly Rogan podcast and the book?

[1979] What's the next project?

[1980] There are no next projects.

[1981] This is about it.

[1982] This is about all we're going to do.

[1983] A weekly podcast.

[1984] We're doing a show for Sony.

[1985] It's going to be called LFMAO, but now we might have to call it something different.

[1986] Yeah, because we've been trying to do it for like two years, and now there's a band called LMAO.

[1987] Yeah, they're close.

[1988] We'll come up with a name for it, but it's basically...

[1989] interviewing comedians about the creative process.

[1990] And we're also in the middle of coming up with another show that is comedy related that I can't talk about, but it should be fun.

[1991] That and just more shows, more comedy, more good stuff.

[1992] Is Fear Factor returning anytime soon?

[1993] No, it's not.

[1994] No. I heard there was a rumor then.

[1995] No. Yeah, there was a rumor for a while they were going to try to bring Fear Factor back.

[1996] The Spirit Factor, when they canceled it, they could have kept it going.

[1997] I think that's a show that could come back easily.

[1998] I don't want to do that shit, man. And if you did it without me, it wouldn't have the flavor.

[1999] I'm sure it would probably be great if they did it with Mario Lopez.

[2000] No. You can't pass up on that easy money if you do that.

[2001] That's a lot of money, god damn it.

[2002] Especially if you're working with all the same people again and stuff.

[2003] I might be willing to do it just for my kids.

[2004] Just put money away.

[2005] When's your movie coming out?

[2006] October.

[2007] Damn, October.

[2008] Should I move to Colorado?

[2009] I loved Colorado, man. Sideshow Sid said, should I move to Colorado?

[2010] I fucking loved it.

[2011] I would still be there.

[2012] I didn't mind the cold.

[2013] I liked the people.

[2014] I liked the sky.

[2015] I liked the way the fucking mountains looked.

[2016] I liked the vibe.

[2017] I liked everything about it.

[2018] I liked it for me creatively.

[2019] I liked living in Colorado.

[2020] But, you know, when you have a family, you have children, you have a wife, and...

[2021] It's not as easy as just me being by myself.

[2022] If it was just me by myself, I'd probably still be there.

[2023] I'd still be on the top of that mountain.

[2024] But she was not into it.

[2025] It was just too creepy.

[2026] When our dog got eaten, our dog got eaten by a mountain lion.

[2027] That's not like a rumor that actually happened.

[2028] Dog got eaten by a mountain lion.

[2029] She's bad driving in snow.

[2030] She crashed the car.

[2031] So it was a couple different things.

[2032] And then she got pregnant.

[2033] And the pregnancy was the biggest reason why we had to move out of Colorado.

[2034] It was because we were living over 8 ,000 feet above sea level.

[2035] It's really hot.

[2036] We were 3 ,000 feet above Boulder.

[2037] And it's a really, really high altitude.

[2038] And when you're pregnant, it's just brutal.

[2039] Really, it's not good for you.

[2040] It's unhealthy for you and for the baby.

[2041] Colorado is like one of the highest.

[2042] states in the country, like one of the top states in the country when it comes to premature births, and a lot of it is because of the altitude.

[2043] It's just you don't get enough air up there.

[2044] It's great for your conditioning, but it's not so good for being a pregnant woman.

[2045] So all those factors, I had to move out of Colorado, but if I could just be somewhere and live somewhere, live in Colorado, oh, in a heartbeat.

[2046] If I didn't have to travel, stay in Colorado, and deal with snow when it comes, hey, you're fucking snowed in, no big deal.

[2047] That's what it's supposed to be like.

[2048] The problem with me is I travel all the time, so I would leave my wife and leave the kids there.

[2049] It's not the same.

[2050] By myself, I'd have no problem with it.

[2051] I loved it.

[2052] So if you are going to move somewhere and stay there, I would say, yeah, Colorado's fucking badass.

[2053] It's my favorite state.

[2054] Do you think there will be a time when all handheld axes will have a pipe in them like the tomahawk?

[2055] Is that what tomahawks were?

[2056] They were a pipe and an axe all in one?

[2057] Is that true?

[2058] If that's true, the Indians were bad motherfuckers.

[2059] I don't think that's true.

[2060] I think that dude just went to a renaissance festival and was getting carried away.

[2061] Because, I mean, if you think about it, if it was a pipe off...

[2062] Well, listen, this is the beauty of the internet.

[2063] Right now, we'll Google this.

[2064] Did tomahawks have pipes on them?

[2065] I think there might have been a couple that did, but I don't think the majority of the tomahawks...

[2066] Well, why speculate?

[2067] Let's find out.

[2068] That just doesn't seem right.

[2069] It seems like it would just make the weapon weaker.

[2070] Having a hole through the middle of it?

[2071] Yeah.

[2072] That's true.

[2073] That's a good point.

[2074] Maybe it's enough.

[2075] Yeah, I'm trying to make them.

[2076] Handmade pipe tomahawks.

[2077] Let's see.

[2078] Pipe axes.

[2079] The Crazy Crow Trading Post.

[2080] Show me a pipe axe.

[2081] Are these really pipes?

[2082] Historically accurate pipe axes.

[2083] We have spent years researching and manufacturing the finest line of throwing tomahawks, pipe tomahawks, belt, and camp axes available today.

[2084] Did you even know there was a market for that kind of shit?

[2085] That's the beautiful thing about the internet.

[2086] Let's see what this thing looks like.

[2087] I don't see the pipe part.

[2088] Where's the pipe part?

[2089] Hand drilled for smoking.

[2090] Wow!

[2091] Sounds like anything.

[2092] Hand -forged iron head drilled for smoking.

[2093] So basically the pipe is this.

[2094] You put some tobacco up in that bitch right there and you smoke right out of there.

[2095] Or do you smoke out of here?

[2096] No, I think you smoke out of there.

[2097] Wow.

[2098] Which just seems like it would make the handle weaker and the weapon weaker.

[2099] Yeah, it definitely would, right?

[2100] But this seems like it's really hard wood.

[2101] Look, this one's got a metal piece through it.

[2102] Original 1800 to 1825 believed to belong to Red Cloud.

[2103] Wow, that's pretty dope.

[2104] Red Cloud didn't think it out.

[2105] Dude, I think we should start smoking pipe from a fucking tomahawk.

[2106] We've got to order one of those.

[2107] Come on, man. We'll do the podcast.

[2108] We'll smoke out of that.

[2109] Ladies and gentlemen, what say you on Twitter?

[2110] I need to order this, right?

[2111] I'm going to order this.

[2112] Add to basket.

[2113] Listen.

[2114] Click.

[2115] That's right.

[2116] Let's add it to the basket.

[2117] Alright, I won't check out now.

[2118] I'll check out later because I don't want you guys to get bummed out at me. It was boring enough looking for that toilet tree.

[2119] Coming up on two hours.

[2120] We just make this two hours.

[2121] You think, why, you getting bored?

[2122] Huh?

[2123] You don't like it anymore?

[2124] No, I just think we should keep it two hours.

[2125] Someone doesn't like it anymore.

[2126] We still have to do another video.

[2127] Someone doesn't think it's fun anymore.

[2128] Alright, let's go back.

[2129] 471 motherfuckers in here.

[2130] We lost a lot of people for being really boring.

[2131] Yeah, let's see.

[2132] Two hours, I think, is...

[2133] Just about right.

[2134] You want them wanting more, not less.

[2135] Is that what we want, ladies and gentlemen?

[2136] Is he right?

[2137] Is he correct?

[2138] How do you know we're going in two hours?

[2139] Where's the timeline?

[2140] Top left, where the blinking light is right up here.

[2141] Oh, there we go.

[2142] Yeah, we are.

[2143] I think after two hours also doesn't save maybe or something.

[2144] I think after two hours people start hating us.

[2145] Yeah.

[2146] Fucking faggots got nothing to talk about.

[2147] Boring -ass shit.

[2148] So, so far, we've answered questions.

[2149] We've put photos up on Twitter.

[2150] We've talked about some heavy subjects.

[2151] What more do you need, ladies and gentlemen?

[2152] We're all living in an alien's petri dish, says Dawkins20.

[2153] Maybe.

[2154] You know, that's possible.

[2155] Is time an illusion?

[2156] Shred 431 wants to know if time's an illusion.

[2157] I don't think it's an illusion.

[2158] I just don't think time is just one thing.

[2159] You tell that to David Copperfield.

[2160] Hmm, everything's an illusion.

[2161] I think time is, you know, I mean, we already know that time changes when you go fast.

[2162] Like if someone's in a super fast spaceship, you know, and they go at the speed of light, like time goes by much quicker on Earth than it does in their plane.

[2163] So if they come back and they're a super fast spaceship, you know, for them it's only been a year.

[2164] But for us it could be like 100 years depending on how far and fast they go.

[2165] So time moves in a way that I don't think it's the way we look at it.

[2166] I don't think it's as cut and dry.

[2167] Like, you know, this is midnight and this is 1 o 'clock.

[2168] I think it's...

[2169] it's much more dependent upon the state that the human being is in, like the frequency the person's in, where the person's living, you know, that you're living on Earth, you know, this dimension, you know, that time varies throughout other dimensions, and you can access those dimensions.

[2170] I mean, if they really do come up with ships that can fly through space at, you know, close to the speed of light or something, they really will be able to go to a place where they're literally going forward in time.

[2171] they'll have lived one year, they come back to Earth, and hundreds of years have gone by.

[2172] That's nutty shit, and that's real.

[2173] I don't think we understand time enough.

[2174] I think time is one of those things that we think we've got a grip on what it really is, but it's probably far more complex and confusing and variable than we think.

[2175] I think we should get rid of daylight savings time, because I think it's bullshit that it's fucking pitch black outside and it's only 6 .30.

[2176] Yeah, she's absolutely right.

[2177] Fuck farmers.

[2178] They're all fucking thieves.

[2179] What?

[2180] How dare you?

[2181] No, but seriously.

[2182] Were you a giant Cougar Mellencamp hater?

[2183] Back then it made sense because everybody was a farmer.

[2184] Everything had to do with farmers.

[2185] Nowadays...

[2186] Why didn't they just get up earlier?

[2187] I don't get it.

[2188] I don't get it.

[2189] I don't think everything makes sense.

[2190] I think if you have a regular job, sometimes it's dark out, sometimes it's light out.

[2191] The fucking earth spends.

[2192] That's what I love about Arizona.

[2193] The Arizona, they don't change their time.

[2194] They're like, fuck you.

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] No, it's stupid.

[2197] Well, they need to even do it better than that.

[2198] They need to, like, really fuck it up.

[2199] Like, I want it to be bright out till, like, 9 to 10 o 'clock at night.

[2200] Don't you think that'd be cool?

[2201] Yeah, but then it would be dark out until, like, noon.

[2202] Yeah, but that's fine.

[2203] No. That's retarded.

[2204] You're just as retarded as them.

[2205] That makes no sense.

[2206] Most people would rather like to have a daylight...

[2207] I don't know.

[2208] Most people would rather have daylight when they get off work, don't you think?

[2209] I think that's silly.

[2210] I think it's silly.

[2211] I spelled Twitter wrong on my link.

[2212] I know I did.

[2213] I don't think I can fix it, though.

[2214] I think it's too late.

[2215] It is.

[2216] It is what it is.

[2217] No, you don't do it there.

[2218] What do you do?

[2219] The other program, remember?

[2220] Oh, that's right.

[2221] This little motherfucker right here, chicks are shit.

[2222] Right on the right.

[2223] It's not.

[2224] Yeah, it's just not showing the whole thing.

[2225] Why is it not showing the whole thing?

[2226] Because it's like two lines, you know what I mean?

[2227] If you hit the right button.

[2228] Save, right?

[2229] Yeah.

[2230] Put it on Joe Live.

[2231] Yay!

[2232] I fixed that shit.

[2233] It didn't change.

[2234] Oh yeah, it did.

[2235] Alright.

[2236] This guy's trying to be funny.

[2237] Steve Wizzy.

[2238] Trying to be funny, Steve Wizzy?

[2239] Besides Carlos Mencia, who are your other favorite comedians?

[2240] You don't like Carlos Mencia, though.

[2241] That's why it doesn't make sense.

[2242] He's being a silly goose.

[2243] My favorite comedians, though, for real, are guys who I look forward to seeing, like Louis C .K., Dave Attell, Doug Stanhope, definitely.

[2244] Paul Reiser.

[2245] Cat Williams.

[2246] You hear Cat Williams the other day?

[2247] I can't see him live.

[2248] I only see him on video.

[2249] Cat Williams was on TMZ yesterday.

[2250] He just got out of jail or something like that.

[2251] He got in a fight at a bar and he had a gun in his pocket.

[2252] I like it.

[2253] He's crazy.

[2254] Cat's crazy.

[2255] Yeah, he's crazy for real.

[2256] I want to meet that dude.

[2257] I like his comedy.

[2258] I think he's very funny.

[2259] You ever listen to him on Grand Theft Auto?

[2260] No. Is he good?

[2261] Yeah.

[2262] He does like the voice?

[2263] Well, no. They have a comedy club in Grand Theft Auto.

[2264] You can go in and watch comedy.

[2265] I like it.

[2266] If not telepathy, what's next for human evolution?

[2267] Johnny Bananas21 wants to know.

[2268] Boobs for men.

[2269] If not telepathy...

[2270] What's next for human evolution?

[2271] Probably a reversal.

[2272] If not telepathy, I think we're in a race right now between technology and retards, between technology and caveman -style living.

[2273] They're talking about invading Pakistan, invading Yemen, and more war and more craziness.

[2274] We're at a crossroads.

[2275] And I think we could either get hit by a meteor or blow ourselves up or figure out the next level.

[2276] Figure out what's going to take human beings from where we are to the next stage of existence, which is like a real thing.

[2277] I mean, I think we're really going to evolve.

[2278] We're really moving towards something new.

[2279] You know, I think that's what this frantic fucking society we live in is all about.

[2280] I think we're pushing and moving towards something, all working together.

[2281] towards something.

[2282] And I think it's going to be technology -driven.

[2283] So it's one of those things.

[2284] Either that's going to happen, there's going to be some sort of a technologically birthed connection that all people all of a sudden share, some sort of a convergence of all human beings.

[2285] It's either going to be that, or it's going to be we blow ourselves up, or a meteor fucks us up, or Yellowstone explodes, and we start from scratch.

[2286] What if In the future, the first robot to get pregnant.

[2287] Imagine if they figure out a way to get machines so closely tuned into human beings that you can fuck them and get them pregnant.

[2288] I think that's very possible, man. Don't you?

[2289] Anything's possible.

[2290] At this point, that's not that crazy.

[2291] They can make so many things artificially.

[2292] They figured out a way to make pork in a laboratory.

[2293] actual the meat they could take some of the meat from from a pig and they make it in a laboratory the problem is it's not it's really like mushy because it doesn't exercise at all and it's not like it's not like taut sinew but they're trying to figure out a way to maybe electrically exercise the muscle you could literally like just make gigantic like rooms full of meat you know that doesn't even have a life attached to it if they can do that If they can do that, why can't they, if they can figure out a way to grow meat, why can't they figure out a way to make an artificial human being?

[2294] That's going to be just like Blade Runner, though.

[2295] They're going to be all sad and shit.

[2296] They don't want to kill you.

[2297] You know?

[2298] I mean, you have to give them emotions.

[2299] If you don't give them emotions, then, you know, they can't relate to people.

[2300] They can't empathize with people.

[2301] Then they just go on mad raping and killing sprees.

[2302] Because if you make artificial people, what if you make them with...

[2303] They get hard -ons and shit.

[2304] You know?

[2305] My calculator has a boner!

[2306] Fucked by a robot?

[2307] Imagine.

[2308] I mean, if you make the females, you can make males too.

[2309] Like for old gay dudes.

[2310] You know?

[2311] Dudes would want to have a robot fuck doll.

[2312] But gay dudes would want some robot gay dude that they can fuck.

[2313] You know?

[2314] Can you imagine if they could make, like, a real live, like, say if there was a guy who was your neighbor who was really creepy and he was fixated on you, and he'd make a robot that looks exactly like you and just fuck it all day long and punch it and tie it up and shit on its head, and there's nothing you can do about it.

[2315] So literally, next door to your fucking house, this guy's, like, putting the robot head out the window and waving to you, like, look, I'm pissing his mouth, and it's like you, but it's a fake you, and he's just fucking it up all day.

[2316] How disturbing would that be?

[2317] There's nothing you can do about it.

[2318] Do you have the papers on this?

[2319] It's not a real human, sir.

[2320] And he shows the papers.

[2321] Okay, I guess it's a robot.

[2322] I mean, if it's a robot, right, look, I have a grappling dummy in my garage that I use when I practice my jiu -jitsu, you know, and you can practice positions on it.

[2323] It's called a Bubba Dummy.

[2324] It's a Gracie.

[2325] You can buy it from the Gracie Academy in Torrance.

[2326] They're the ones who start selling it.

[2327] I forget what the website is.

[2328] But if you look at Bubba Dummy, it's a dummy that's just designed for jiu -jitsu.

[2329] And we filmed once playing around.

[2330] Remember, we were in the garage.

[2331] We were beating the shit out of it and kicking in.

[2332] What if that was a real person?

[2333] I mean, it's a dummy that we made.

[2334] But what if it's a robot person?

[2335] What if there's like a robot person that you could practice jiu -jitsu on?

[2336] You could rape him.

[2337] You could punch him in the face.

[2338] You could just beat the shit out of him.

[2339] You could chop his arms off.

[2340] He'd be screaming and yelling.

[2341] And the cops come and go, look, it's a fake person.

[2342] Yeah, but the laws would have to probably change that artificial intelligence is just the same.

[2343] Wow.

[2344] Really?

[2345] Yeah, because a dog isn't as smart as a human, but you're allowed to chop the...

[2346] the dog's legs off and stuff.

[2347] If you make a robot that has artificial intelligence, it's still going to be considered artificial intelligence, I think.

[2348] Yeah, but do you think they'll treat it the same way as a human being?

[2349] Like, change the laws, it'll be like murder?

[2350] Right, I think if it can think, it's going to be considered life.

[2351] But...

[2352] before they figure that out, there's going to be a long window where you're next to a main where he's going to have a direct replica of you and he's going to fuck its mouth right in front of your window.

[2353] He's going to blow an air horn.

[2354] You look out the window, what the fuck is he doing?

[2355] And you look and he's fucking your head.

[2356] And you think about it, what if that was me?

[2357] What if I was the duplicate and the real me was watching me get raped?

[2358] That's weird shit.

[2359] That could be real.

[2360] That could be real.

[2361] That could really be a possibility.

[2362] You know what I'm surprised is that there's not technology yet where I could have a program and type out shit and make it sound exactly like you.

[2363] You can listen to your voice and do the exact levels.

[2364] You can prank call with your mom.

[2365] There should be that already.

[2366] There should be that.

[2367] Totally.

[2368] Yeah, why haven't they figured that out yet?

[2369] It seems easy.

[2370] You know what's really ridiculous, too, is that you still have to sign things.

[2371] You scribble your name.

[2372] How dumb is that?

[2373] Yeah, and this is stupid because, I mean, I write taco, I write penis.

[2374] They don't even care.

[2375] They don't look at it.

[2376] They don't care.

[2377] They don't check your ID to see.

[2378] No. I don't sign my credit cards.

[2379] I guess if you look at my driver's license, I scribbled my name on that.

[2380] It's a similar scribble.

[2381] But what are these fucking people that work at Target?

[2382] Are they scribble experts?

[2383] Yeah.

[2384] They can look at that scribble.

[2385] I don't know.

[2386] It's just not the same guy.

[2387] Sometimes I write full sentences, honest to God.

[2388] Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[2389] How is that still around?

[2390] It's stupid.

[2391] Write something with your name.

[2392] And that's legally binding.

[2393] If you write something with your name, you know what I mean?

[2394] Like, you know, when I got married, I had to get a marriage certificate.

[2395] You had to write scribble.

[2396] That's what ties you up.

[2397] Now, when you wrote scribble, did you write void?

[2398] See, I would do that.

[2399] See, I would write, this is not real.

[2400] And scribble.

[2401] Because then at the end, like...

[2402] Help, she has a gun to my head.

[2403] Yeah, if I get a divorce, I go, no, sir.

[2404] If you can see, I wrote, this is not void on it.

[2405] I wonder if that would stand up.

[2406] That would hold up, right?

[2407] This is not valid.

[2408] I don't know, maybe.

[2409] Maybe you could say, it's like, shit.

[2410] And I could say, well, we have a...

[2411] we have the documents you signed and you can look at it and go, look what I wrote.

[2412] Yeah.

[2413] It says, this is not real.

[2414] Yeah.

[2415] Maybe just sign.

[2416] I do not agree to this.

[2417] A gun is being held up to my head right now.

[2418] Yeah.

[2419] Someone's trying to come in.

[2420] They have my dog hostage.

[2421] Robots will have rights after a while.

[2422] See, that's a guy I watched that Will Smith movie.

[2423] AI.

[2424] No, AI too.

[2425] Remember AI?

[2426] See, they need to make an AI movie like with the kid.

[2427] No. But like, you know, sex.

[2428] Was it I Am Robot?

[2429] Yeah.

[2430] Yeah, I Am Robot.

[2431] That was pretty good.

[2432] That's a good movie.

[2433] Everything was Mac, remember?

[2434] All the robots look like Macs.

[2435] Yeah.

[2436] Does Gilbert Ivo have a chance against Dos Santos?

[2437] This guy's talking about this weekend's UFC.

[2438] Is that when you leave?

[2439] You won't talk about UFC?

[2440] We'll answer one UFC question.

[2441] Yes, he does.

[2442] Gilbert Ivo's...

[2443] dangerous.

[2444] He's a really good striker.

[2445] He's a dangerous motherfucker.

[2446] And he knows this is a big opportunity for him.

[2447] He's going to come charging, guns blazing.

[2448] Don't you think it's stupid when people ask who's going to win the fight?

[2449] Because obviously it's a fight for a reason, meaning that there's not an obvious winner of this fight.

[2450] Most of the time it's not an obvious winner, but most of the time, I mean, there's a lot of times when everybody agrees that a certain guy's going to win.

[2451] I mean, it doesn't mean that you're right.

[2452] But in this fight, this guy doesn't know that much about this Gilbert Ivo guy probably.

[2453] And he wonders.

[2454] I think Gilbert's got a real good chance.

[2455] He's dangerous.

[2456] If he trains hard, if he's in real good shape, he's very, very dangerous.

[2457] He knocks a lot of guys out.

[2458] His knockout of Gary Goodrich in pride was like one of the most spectacular knockouts ever.

[2459] Head kicked him.

[2460] Boom!

[2461] One shot like 10 seconds into the fight and put him to sleep.

[2462] You know, those questions, though, you can ask a dog to bark once for yes and bark two for no and have the same percentage of the outcome of the question and the answer.

[2463] You know what I mean?

[2464] Like if you say, yeah, that person's going to win.

[2465] Well, I never say someone's going to win, but I'll tell you if someone's good or not.

[2466] You don't know if someone's going to win.

[2467] Okay, no more sports questions.

[2468] Order it.

[2469] I'm going to order the tomahawk pipe next broadcast.

[2470] Hopefully, if they get it to me in time, we will have the tomahawk pipe.

[2471] I think that's a fucking awesome item.

[2472] You need another pipe.

[2473] I need a tomahawk like a motherfucker.

[2474] That would be kind of cool to have a tomahawk.

[2475] Especially since it's a direct replica of something from a dude named Red Cloud.

[2476] Oh, there you go.

[2477] Look at those fanny packs they have.

[2478] Oh, they have a sweet fanny pack.

[2479] Look at that.

[2480] Quilt.

[2481] Oh, that's like a shoulder bag.

[2482] I don't do shoulder bags.

[2483] That's a goddamn purse.

[2484] Okay?

[2485] Fanny pack is fucking manly.

[2486] That's some manly shit.

[2487] Alright, let's go to the Rogan board and see questions there.

[2488] Why is fanny pack manly?

[2489] I'll tell you why fanny pack's manly.

[2490] Because if you're wearing a fanny pack, first of all, you're saying, I don't give a fuck what you think about how I look.

[2491] You know, you're just slapping this big stupid gay thing around your waist.

[2492] You're like, whatever, I have two hands free and I'm happy.

[2493] I'm not trying to look good for you.

[2494] I'm not trying to fuck you.

[2495] I'm not trying to get you to be my friend.

[2496] I like having all my shit in a bag that connects right here.

[2497] I'm not trying to get laid.

[2498] Yeah, I'm not trying to get laid.

[2499] So when people talk about, oh man, how can you wear a fanny pack that's so gay?

[2500] It's a bag that connects to my waist.

[2501] This is silly.

[2502] The only reason why you don't think it's good looking is because women think it's disgusting.

[2503] And women think it looks gay.

[2504] So women have figured out a way to bully guys into not wearing it by telling us it looks gay.

[2505] Why would you care what kind of a bag another man wears?

[2506] Unless he's wearing a...

[2507] Bright pink Hello Kitty strap.

[2508] It covers up your crotch.

[2509] Yeah.

[2510] It does cover up my crotch.

[2511] It's right there.

[2512] So if there's like a micrometeor that comes from outer space and could potentially hit me in the deck, it's going to hit my cell phone first or perhaps my wallet.

[2513] It's right there.

[2514] It's easy for travel.

[2515] When I go to the airport, I unbuckle that thing.

[2516] Bang.

[2517] Put it on.

[2518] My car keys are in there.

[2519] My cell phone's in there.

[2520] Woo.

[2521] Fanny packs of the shit, son.

[2522] That would be cool if gay people loved the smell of farts.

[2523] Didn't Joey Diaz joke about that for a while?

[2524] This fellow says, when are you going to come to the east coast of Canada?

[2525] I don't like the east coast of Canada.

[2526] I'm just kidding.

[2527] We were in Montreal last April.

[2528] That was fun.

[2529] I'll be back.

[2530] I'll definitely be back up there.

[2531] Alright, page two.

[2532] We're going to the Rogan board right now to answer questions.

[2533] What do I think about Jersey Shore?

[2534] I don't like Jersey Shore as much as I thought I would like it because I knew too many dudes like that growing up.

[2535] To me, it's more annoying than stupid.

[2536] It's fun for a couple seconds.

[2537] Hey, fist pump.

[2538] But after a while, it's just...

[2539] It's fake.

[2540] This is my theory.

[2541] Have I told you my theory?

[2542] No. I think kind of like when The Hills first came out.

[2543] Everyone thought that was real.

[2544] Then it slowly got to the point where everyone figured out it was a fake show that's filmed to look real.

[2545] I think Jersey Shore is real.

[2546] They're way too dumb to ask.

[2547] But did you know half of them are male strippers that had to audition?

[2548] They're all in the entertainment field.

[2549] It's called Jersey Shore instead of The Hills.

[2550] I bet you anything in three years.

[2551] They auditioned for that?

[2552] Yeah.

[2553] I bet you anything.

[2554] And they all live in this house.

[2555] This really nice real world house.

[2556] You know what I mean?

[2557] But that's the real people.

[2558] It's really a genius show if you look at it that way.

[2559] Right, but I think in three years we're all going to be like knowing it's fake.

[2560] Like that fight somehow is fake and everything.

[2561] Really.

[2562] It wasn't fake when that dude punched that girl in the face.

[2563] Yeah, unless that chick is like a, you know, stunt woman and they fucking practiced it for like 50 years, you know what I mean?

[2564] I don't know.

[2565] If they practiced the punch a lot, you know.

[2566] Hmm.

[2567] I mean, you look at movies and you look at that punch, it looks real.

[2568] If they filmed it, it looked fake.

[2569] I don't know.

[2570] I think that dude got drunk and punched that bitch in the face.

[2571] Listen, someone said, would I have full -blown AIDS or spend one year in Mark Hayden's body?

[2572] Pick one.

[2573] Mark Hayden's body?

[2574] You know what?

[2575] Full -blown AIDS you could recover from.

[2576] You have one year in Mark Hayden's body?

[2577] It would probably be torture.

[2578] Dude.

[2579] I think full -blown AIDS, if you take your vitamins, you'll probably be okay in a couple of weeks.

[2580] Dude, you spend one year in Mark Hayden's body, fuck every chick you could possibly fuck.

[2581] You're not going to fuck anything.

[2582] Get him AIDS.

[2583] You're not going to fuck anything in Mark Hayden's body.

[2584] You don't get AIDS in Mark Hayden's body.

[2585] You don't even understand the question.

[2586] No, I'm saying if you have one year in his body, you could just abuse it like fuck and get the fuck out of there one year.

[2587] That's ridiculous.

[2588] How dare you?

[2589] Let's end this.

[2590] Let's end this.

[2591] All right, well, a couple more questions, then we're going to get the fuck out of here.

[2592] I got to admit, some of these questions are really lame.

[2593] But it could be that we're really high, and they just seem lame.

[2594] That's a distinct possibility.

[2595] I wish I had some more coffee right now.

[2596] I apologize for the whack -ass internet.

[2597] I really am going to fix that.

[2598] Should I go AT &T U -verse, or should I go Comcast Cable?

[2599] Charter.

[2600] Charter.

[2601] Charter.

[2602] Does anybody know?

[2603] Wow, this guy says, I think Red Band's life is fake.

[2604] How about that, fella?

[2605] Chojin 2K.

[2606] My life is fake.

[2607] He says your life is fake.

[2608] I think he said your face is fake.

[2609] His face is...

[2610] His screen name's fake.

[2611] Look, he doesn't even have a picture.

[2612] What's this?

[2613] Die, what would happen?

[2614] What?

[2615] That's fake Anon.

[2616] Yeah, fake Anon's not funny.

[2617] Nope.

[2618] Look at this.

[2619] This is the laziest rapist ever.

[2620] Dave Broomfield at Hotmail .com says, Hey, Joe Rogan, why don't you invite me to come trip with you in your isolation tank?

[2621] How lazy is he?

[2622] That's not how you stalk and rape somebody, son.

[2623] You're going to have to be a little more clever than that.

[2624] That's ridiculous.

[2625] What the fuck kind of guy is this?

[2626] We got a fake Brett Rogers.

[2627] Hey, Joe Rogan, did you see my last fight?

[2628] No, fake Brett Rogers, I didn't.

[2629] Brett Rogers is not on Twitter, ladies and gentlemen.

[2630] That's a fake Brett Rogers.

[2631] The real Brett Rogers is a bad motherfucker, but that's not him.

[2632] But it was really funny when the fake Brett Rogers was having an argument with the real war machine.

[2633] That was pretty funny.

[2634] War machine didn't get it.

[2635] Thought it was all really happening.

[2636] Brian, you stopped talking a while ago.

[2637] What happened?

[2638] Have you given up on us?

[2639] Yeah.

[2640] I get to the cutoff point where I'm just tired of staring at computer.

[2641] Yeah.

[2642] Well, I have an accompanying Indian headdress to go with my tomahawk pipe, says Amuse 90.

[2643] 94?

[2644] Yeah, that's a very good question, and I think yes.

[2645] I think if we're going to really get in touch with the spirit world, we're going to need full Indian attire.

[2646] Do you think?

[2647] Yeah, we're going to need the whole thing, man. We're going to need feathers and shit and the correct type of weed.

[2648] Got to make sure we only smoke what the Indians smoke.

[2649] Smaller condoms?

[2650] No, not those Indians.

[2651] American Indians.

[2652] Not India Indians.

[2653] Did I see the girl mosh pit?

[2654] I watched it for a couple seconds, but it was like one of those terrorist videos where they cut some dude's head off.

[2655] After a while, they're like, just shut it off.

[2656] All right.

[2657] See if any of these questions don't suck.

[2658] This one sucks.

[2659] This one sucks.

[2660] I think if anything came out of this, somewhere, someone right now is thinking about designing.

[2661] a robot where you clone your neighbor and make a robot out of them and then fuck them and rape them in front of them.

[2662] Somebody is thinking about that and I think if this chat has done anything good for the world, it's introduced that idea, that possibility out there of making a clone of you.

[2663] You know what's going to suck?

[2664] Because we're going to be like 90 years old and they're going to make the perfect fuck robot.

[2665] But we're going to be so old we're not going to even care anymore.

[2666] It's not fair!

[2667] I don't even want to see.

[2668] I'll tell you that.

[2669] It was ruining my life.

[2670] Yeah.

[2671] Yeah.

[2672] I guess.

[2673] But they'll probably have more problems than we have now.

[2674] You know, we'll probably look back on these days and go, oh, remember the simple times when you just get on the internet and drive to work and you don't have to worry about monsters and aliens and UFOs and fucking...

[2675] You know, the hyena flu that's killing everybody lately.

[2676] You know?

[2677] That's the next one.

[2678] Something scary.

[2679] Like, pig flu doesn't scare you.

[2680] Bird flu that doesn't scare you.

[2681] The fucking hyena flu is going to scare the shit out of you.

[2682] You know?

[2683] It's a flu that came from hyenas.

[2684] Holy shit.

[2685] Yeah, from eating their own young.

[2686] They came up with a fucking crazy new flu.

[2687] And everyone who gets it dies.

[2688] Look at me wearing beekeepers outfits everywhere.

[2689] Freezing masks and shit.

[2690] The first cat.

[2691] In California last week, got the first H1N1.

[2692] Really?

[2693] People to cat.

[2694] So maybe it's going to be cats.

[2695] We're going to have to kill our cats or something like that.

[2696] After you have a baby, cats become just really annoying.

[2697] Even dogs are annoying.

[2698] Shut the fuck up, stupid.

[2699] Baby's the best.

[2700] Babies rule.

[2701] Dogs I still like.

[2702] Cats.

[2703] My cat started pissing in my office right after my child was born.

[2704] Transparent little cunt.

[2705] So obvious what you wanted, dirty little bitch.

[2706] A couple more questions here.

[2707] Let's go to the Rogan board, see if we've got a good question there.

[2708] Do you ever get mad?

[2709] Like, can anything actually piss you off to the point where Rogan smashed?

[2710] I get upset.

[2711] It would have to be pretty fucking a bad situation to get me that upset.

[2712] I'm pretty rational when it comes to most things.

[2713] I have a, I mean, everyone has the ability to freak out over something.

[2714] It's just whether or not you choose to let yourself get there.

[2715] You know, just got to make sure I think the most important thing about not getting mad is manage your biology.

[2716] You got to treat your biology like it's a bank account.

[2717] And if you have, you know, if you're in debt.

[2718] You owe it something.

[2719] If you're overdrafted, you owe yourself an expenditure of energy, especially if you have a certain type of body.

[2720] If you have a muscular body, if you have a person who's engaged in athletics your whole life, you have a body that's used to exerting a lot of energy.

[2721] Well, you owe it to that body.

[2722] You have a debt to pay.

[2723] And if you don't pay that debt, you're going to have a problem where you're going to have too much energy that's stored up and built in and not blown out.

[2724] And it's going to come out.

[2725] usual ways like in traffic or at work or whatever it'll you you'll start screaming and freaking out about something you really didn't need to and really it's all just about managing your biology managing your thoughts it's very important to have some downtime where you can sit alone by yourself and just think that's very very important for me the isolation tank does that like times 100 that's my favorite but sometimes even just sitting on the couch and just by myself just thinking you know you can call it meditation you can call it Whatever the fuck you want.

[2726] Just spending time to organize your thoughts and put your mind in a certain place.

[2727] Put your body in a certain place with exercise, with yoga, with nutrition.

[2728] All that shit's important.

[2729] You got to manage your biology.

[2730] And when you manage your biology, it makes managing your mind much, much easier.

[2731] Managing your mind, managing your biology.

[2732] That's the key to not getting upset at things.

[2733] You fucking faggots.

[2734] What?

[2735] Okay.

[2736] The best art is created from the starving artist.

[2737] This is a good question.

[2738] It seems the best art is created from the starving artist.

[2739] Being wealthy, do you feel it hurts your ability to create art, comedy, or...

[2740] Do you believe that not having to worry about your financial well -being allows you more time to be creative?

[2741] That's a very good question.

[2742] I think a lot of times people are much more ambitious when they're starving.

[2743] They have much more energy.

[2744] They have much more dedication towards something.

[2745] But that doesn't mean that you can't have a lot of dedication towards something when you become successful.

[2746] It all depends on what was your motivation in the first place.

[2747] If your motivation in the first place was recognition and, you know, adulation, then you become famous and then you get it.

[2748] that then you have no motivation to keep going but if your motivation is the actual art itself is creating new things then i think you can be more free as you become successful because you're in a position where you don't have to worry about money anymore so you have one less thing to think about and you're ambitious in the sense of being creative instead of concentrating on money your mind is not geared on that your mind is geared on the art That's how I like to think that I am, and when I'm at my best, that is where I'm at.

[2749] That's my mind frame.

[2750] That's my point of reference, is that I think about the creation of the art itself.

[2751] That's when I'm at my best.

[2752] If I think about money, and I think about how much is this going to pay me, and is this worth this, it's not the same motivation, so you don't get the same results.

[2753] It's not the same passion to it.

[2754] The passion's got to be real.

[2755] My comedy, the way in my head, my motivation is all about whether or not people enjoy it.

[2756] I don't want to do anything that people don't enjoy.

[2757] I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it.

[2758] And that's the reward that you get for that.

[2759] As long as you're concentrating on that, you do no wrong.

[2760] As long as you have the dynamic and the relationship between you and the audience.

[2761] As long as you respect that and as long as your relationship to the creativity is all based on just producing more stuff that's good, that people enjoy.

[2762] As long as you're doing it for that reason, I don't think you have to worry about money robbing you of your enthusiasm.

[2763] But if you were just in it for the money and just in it for the adulation, yeah, you become successful.

[2764] And then all of a sudden, you're not going to want to do it anymore.

[2765] You're not going to be enthusiastic about it anymore.

[2766] Hyena flu equals super AIDS.

[2767] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[2768] What do I plan on doing December 21st, 2012?

[2769] No, I'm going to stay.

[2770] If it's really what people say, are you going to go to the pyramids, man?

[2771] If it's really what...

[2772] Some people think it is, this convergence, this technological convergence where all human beings will interface with each other, where someone creates a time machine, where some huge technological breakthrough happens.

[2773] That's what some people think December 21st, 2012.

[2774] The Hadron Collider or whatever that shit's called.

[2775] The Hadron Collider.

[2776] I think that's about the time it's going to.

[2777] If that's the case, then it doesn't matter where you are, right?

[2778] You should be amongst friends.

[2779] Maybe Brian and I will do a Ustream that day.

[2780] Should we commit to a Ustream?

[2781] Let's commit to a Ustream right now.

[2782] We're going to commit to a Ustream for December 21st, 2012.

[2783] December 20th, 2012, we'll commit.

[2784] So that as the 21st turns over, we'll do it at night.

[2785] At night.

[2786] We will start out 8 o 'clock.

[2787] Eastern, so that's 11 o 'clock Eastern.

[2788] I don't care what time it is in England.

[2789] You don't count, okay?

[2790] That's not December 21st, 2012.

[2791] It's all based on fucking America, okay?

[2792] Because the Mayans and the Americans are basically on the same calendar, sort of, right?

[2793] No, not really.

[2794] I think it's a different time.

[2795] Well, in Chichen Itza, it's the same as Miami, okay?

[2796] It's just a little bit below that.

[2797] Either way, December 20th, 2012, Brian and I are committing right now to a Ustream.

[2798] We're going to do it.

[2799] Feel strong about that?

[2800] Yeah, nothing's going to happen.

[2801] Maybe.

[2802] Maybe nothing's going to happen.

[2803] That is a possibility.

[2804] You know, I think people like to know that something's going to happen.

[2805] We have a friend that likes to believe in UFOs and psychics and chemtrails and anything wacky.

[2806] This dude just jumps on board.

[2807] And I think it's just as possible that nothing's going to happen.

[2808] I think it's more possible that it's not going to happen.

[2809] You know why I think it's possible that something might happen on that day?

[2810] Because everybody's thinking something's going to happen on that day.

[2811] Right.

[2812] If it's some dude sitting somewhere with some bombs.

[2813] I don't even think that.

[2814] I think the idea that we're going to force something to happen by really concentrating it as a point of focus is one point.

[2815] Yeah, but that's what everyone thought was going to happen in 2000.

[2816] That is true.

[2817] But everybody was waiting for the clocks to break in 2000.

[2818] It was a very specific thing.

[2819] Flames falling from the sky.

[2820] Fucking computer's going to stop working, man. I stayed home.

[2821] I remember I stayed home.

[2822] That was one of the first years where I didn't do a New Year's show.

[2823] Because I think I probably was worried.

[2824] What's so weird is that everyone was really freaked out about that.

[2825] And then we had all this built up stress because of it.

[2826] And then...

[2827] Just shortly after 9 -11.

[2828] Then we finally got to release all the stress like the world's ending.

[2829] I just remember being really stressed out thinking something was going to happen.

[2830] It seems like right after that 9 -11.

[2831] All right, let's quit.

[2832] My brain's mush.

[2833] It's so easy to give up.

[2834] Two and a half hours, isn't it?

[2835] Brian doesn't take vitamins.

[2836] Yeah, I do.

[2837] Two hours and 20 minutes is too much.

[2838] I ate a bag of carrots today.

[2839] I have a juicer now.

[2840] My man, a bag of carrots.

[2841] Well, we've dropped down to 4 in the 23 of yours.

[2842] What that says to me is at least 100 of you motherfuckers thought we were boring as shit.

[2843] Yeah.

[2844] So, I think that...

[2845] How hairy is my butt from 1 to 10?

[2846] How dare you, sir?

[2847] How dare you?

[2848] Big 2 -2 thug.

[2849] From 1 to 10, my butt, 3, 3 or 4.

[2850] I really could use shaving and trimming.

[2851] I was listening to an old Howard Stern broadcast where they were fined, and he was fined for talking about shaving his butt.

[2852] You know, you don't realize how crazy those fucking regular radio shows are, like what you can and can't do until you hear something like that.

[2853] But it was inspiring, and I was thinking about trimming my own butt hair.

[2854] But it could definitely help.

[2855] Solar flares are not in our control, and that's the thing to worry about, says Raptor94.

[2856] Raptor94 thinks that solar flares are going to do us in.

[2857] Very possible, man. Nobody fucking knows.

[2858] Solar flares are gay.

[2859] Make Brian clean my room for the next Ustream?

[2860] That's just my other desk.

[2861] It's covered with shit.

[2862] It's a desk, but I really use it as a place to just leave shit.

[2863] I'm a slob.

[2864] I have problems, ladies and gentlemen.

[2865] What bullshit resolutions will you say you will keep and won't?

[2866] No, I don't make resolutions.

[2867] Because he's not a girl.

[2868] Because I'm not a fucking girl.

[2869] And if I wanted to fix something about myself, I would start now.

[2870] I wouldn't wait.

[2871] I always say, I'm going to work out more.

[2872] This year I'm going to fucking get my shit together.

[2873] For the most part, I put out as much energy as I want to put out.

[2874] I focus on things as much as I can while still enjoying them.

[2875] Always dancing around obsession.

[2876] That's very important to me. Whether it's with comedy or anything else, with games, with anything in my life, I always have to dance around becoming obsessed with things.

[2877] So for me, it's just enjoy.

[2878] Just try to be balanced and try to consciously just try to have a good time and be positive.

[2879] When I get obsessed with things, whether it's about Jiu -jitsu or comedy or playing games like pool or video games.

[2880] I get crazy about things.

[2881] And I don't like that feeling.

[2882] I don't like getting obsessed with things.

[2883] Brian, you get obsessed with Jordan Roth, right?

[2884] No. Hey, dude.

[2885] No. How much porn do you have?

[2886] I get obsessed with internet, though, for sure.

[2887] It feels like I constantly want more information about everything.

[2888] It just branches off more and more and more.

[2889] I'll be looking about how applesauce is made, but then I need to know about how the apples are grown.

[2890] It just keeps on going and going and going.

[2891] Yeah, it wasn't that way when you were a kid, right?

[2892] No, not at all.

[2893] I fucking hated reading, and I didn't want to learn anything.

[2894] I just wanted to play video games.

[2895] Isn't it funny how different when you get older your idea of information changes?

[2896] Because when I was a kid, information always meant school, meant shit you have to learn, meant boring, meant suck.

[2897] They were all connected together.

[2898] But then when it's no longer a requirement, then you find out what you're actually interested in and you pursue those things.

[2899] Brian just fucking fell asleep on me. Believe that shit?

[2900] The fuck?

[2901] All right, my Twitter friends.

[2902] I think we're going to answer one more question.

[2903] He's fake snoring like the goddamn Three Stooges.

[2904] What the fuck?

[2905] Is that Moe?

[2906] Are you doing Moe?

[2907] I thought it was curly.

[2908] It might have been curly.

[2909] You might be right.

[2910] This guy says, 2012, something very subtle may happen that we don't realize for a while.

[2911] Dude.

[2912] Dude.

[2913] What?

[2914] Say it.

[2915] Say it.

[2916] Go smoke your AOL disc and get off the internet.

[2917] Something subtle is happening right now we won't recognize for a while.

[2918] That's not what 2012 is supposed to be.

[2919] If that's what happens, then 2012 is bullshit.

[2920] Then it's 100 % bullshit.

[2921] If December 21st, 2012 rolls around and we just go, nothing.

[2922] I don't feel anything.

[2923] I don't feel a thing.

[2924] Then it's bullshit, 100%.

[2925] It's not like, oh man, no, there's a change.

[2926] You're just not going to realize it for a while.

[2927] No, it's supposed to be, bam.

[2928] It's supposed to be, open a door, here's a new thing.

[2929] You know, I mean, if the internet turned on.

[2930] Like, if there was a day that the internet turned on, we all looked back and said, oh, December 10th, 2000, or 1993, that's when the internet turned on and the world changed forever.

[2931] If there was, like, a recognized date, first of all, that would be way more important than fucking Columbus Day.

[2932] How about that?

[2933] How about we study Columbus Day and that dude never even landed in America, right?

[2934] He was in the fucking Bahamas raping and murdering people and shit, you know, and then Columbus Day.

[2935] The internet day is a way bigger day for American history than fucking Columbus Day.

[2936] came out with an internet day, that would be important.

[2937] But December 21st, 2012 has to be like that internet day.

[2938] It has to be a day where we look back and go, wow, that day, some shit started off.

[2939] That's the day that changed everything.

[2940] That's what December 21st, 2012 has got to be.

[2941] All the hype behind it, if it's not that, then it's bullshit.

[2942] This whole idea that it's the end of an age, that it's becoming a new era.

[2943] Maybe, maybe possibly.

[2944] To me, that could just as easily happen tomorrow.

[2945] Why do we assume that the Mayans were absolutely correct about that?

[2946] Even if they were correcting, recognizing that human beings go in cycles.

[2947] That's not an old idea.

[2948] The yuga is, I believe, a Hindu idea?

[2949] I think it's Hindu.

[2950] Along the same lines, there's stages that humanity goes for.

[2951] goes through and that these stages, these cycles, that they're all repeatable.

[2952] They just keep happening like in a cycle over and over again.

[2953] Just like how you breathe in, you always breathe out.

[2954] Humanity rises and falls.

[2955] And right now we're supposed to be in Kali Yuga.

[2956] And it's also supposed to end the same time around where the Mayans believe that this...

[2957] Age is going to end.

[2958] And the same time where Terrence McKenna's, you know, time wave zero novelty theory, which a lot of people think is bullshit.

[2959] I don't know if it's bullshit or not, but there was a guy named Terrence McKenna that had this crazy mathematical algorithm designed to track time.

[2960] And he was based off the I Ching.

[2961] And the idea was that you could apply this to past events and show that all human innovation, that progress in humanity is all like you could chart it on a graph, that it's all like going along a certain direction.

[2962] And that eventually, was going to reach a point of what he called ultimate novelty and the idea of ultimate novelty would be something that we would figure out or do like create a time machine or something like that that would literally change everything as we know it you know and that ray kurtz will calls it the singularity you know that there's a bunch of different scientists that believe we're moving towards this convergence this one big invention.

[2963] And they tie that into the Mayan thing, that December 21st, 2012 is exactly the same as the ending point for ultimate novelty for Time Wave Zero, and that Terrence McKenna arrived at that time completely independent of the Mayan calendar.

[2964] I don't know if it's bullshit.

[2965] You don't have really studied it either, right?

[2966] Did you study it?

[2967] He knew about this whole thing, and he just programmed this logic around that date.

[2968] It's possible.

[2969] It's possible.

[2970] It didn't seem like he was a liar, though.

[2971] I mean, he might have been kind of a hippie.

[2972] He's a hippie.

[2973] They're all liars.

[2974] They all want money so they can buy weed and fucking patrolling.

[2975] Maybe.

[2976] We don't know.

[2977] What we do know is this fucking thing's been going on for two hours and 30 minutes, and that's it.

[2978] It's over, ladies and gentlemen.

[2979] Brian and I are going to get something to eat, and we're going to sign out.

[2980] We're going to try to do this every week now.

[2981] Two hours every week.

[2982] Two hours.

[2983] Two hours and a half.

[2984] You're right.

[2985] Two hours is not so good.

[2986] Or two hours and a half is not so good.

[2987] Two hours is the perfect line.

[2988] But we appreciate all 400 and fucking whatever of you.

[2989] We had 500 people at one point in time.

[2990] It's like a comedy club.

[2991] And as soon as we get some more internet in here, we're going to start triple broadcasting it on both Justin TV and all the other ones.

[2992] Yeah, we'll put it on three and we'll also give you different angles too.

[2993] Yeah, different angles.

[2994] If you want to be a fucking weirdo.

[2995] Can we get bigger heads up a couple days?

[2996] Yes, my friend Jim Dirksen.

[2997] No, Didrickson.

[2998] Didrickson.

[2999] Jim Didrickson.

[3000] Yeah, we'll definitely give more advanced time.

[3001] We just figured it out yesterday we were going to do it, and then I put it up and said we're going to do it in a couple hours.

[3002] But what we'll do next time is, what we're eventually going to do is have a specific time we start at every week.

[3003] Like a Wednesday.

[3004] Yeah, like Wednesday afternoon.

[3005] Yeah, you're right.

[3006] Because even if we go on the road for comedy, we don't leave until Thursday usually.

[3007] So we'll try to do a Tuesday or a Wednesday, and that's what we'll do.

[3008] We'll do like late afternoon in L .A., like 3 o 'clock is perfect.

[3009] Somewhere around that line.

[3010] And we'll do it on a regular basis.

[3011] So this week, I'm at the House of Blues on Saturday.

[3012] No, yeah.

[3013] Saturday night, the House.

[3014] Friday night, the House of Blues.

[3015] This Friday in Vegas.

[3016] That's January 1st.

[3017] There's still tickets available for that.

[3018] New Year's Eve in Melrose at the Improv in Hollywood on Thursday night.

[3019] It's totally sold out.

[3020] So that's sold out.

[3021] But there's still some tickets available for the House of Blues.

[3022] So if you're going to be in Vegas, Brian's not coming unless he wants to.

[3023] Unless he changes his mind.

[3024] Vegas on New Year's Day just seems like that.

[3025] Dry puke everywhere when it's a hangover.

[3026] Yeah, it's hell in August.

[3027] But New Year's Eve, like I said, it's all sold out, sorry.

[3028] But New Year's Day, January 1st, the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay.

[3029] And it'll be Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir.

[3030] If Ari doesn't kill himself before then, hopefully he won't.

[3031] So thank you very much, everybody.

[3032] Thanks for tuning into this, and we'll see you next week.

[3033] We're going to do this every week.

[3034] Okay, bitches?

[3035] All right.

[3036] Thanks.

[3037] Stop record.