David Byrne

[0] Hi, my name's David Byrne.

[1] I feel carefree and buoyant about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[2] Oh, my God.

[3] Now, is that really how you feel or is you on some kind of medication?

[4] No, no. I haven't had medication in quite a while.

[5] Hours.

[6] It's been hours.

[7] Fall is here.

[8] Hear the yell.

[9] Back to school.

[10] Ring the bell.

[11] Brand new.

[12] Brand new shoes.

[13] Walk and lose.

[14] Books and friends I can tell that we are going to be friends I can tell that we are going to be friends Hey there Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend We're going to have a good time today I can just sense it in me bones Okay I'm like an old sea salty that way I feel things in me bones And I feel that this is going to be a good one Sona how are you?

[15] I'm good I think if you were a sea salty See, I feel like it's not, it's not like a cool, easy life, though, right?

[16] No, it's not.

[17] So, okay, all right.

[18] No, I'm a hard, tough man that's grown up on with the sea breeze and me, puss.

[19] The wind blasting across the ocean, what?

[20] Well, I'm just going to take issue with some of these terms.

[21] What are you just say something in your puss?

[22] Yeah, the old puss, the old face.

[23] Yeah, and then you're saying sea salties.

[24] There's a salt and there's a sea dog, but there's nothing called a suss.

[25] sea salty.

[26] Oh, I'm thinking of the cracker.

[27] I think it's a cracker called sea salty.

[28] That's what you are.

[29] Actually, I'm thinking of a saltine.

[30] Yeah.

[31] Yeah, I think I'm kind of a, I'm like a saltine.

[32] I feel things in my bone.

[33] You're an old, dry, crispy biscuit.

[34] That no one's really enjoyed since about 1951.

[35] You eat it when you're nauseous.

[36] Can you even find saltines anymore?

[37] Of course.

[38] Are they out there?

[39] Yeah, yeah.

[40] Because I know that everything got so specialized.

[41] You know, you go to the store and all the crackers are so like, oh, this one's made of, you know, you know, this kind of seed mixed with that kind of seed and, you know, it's all boutique bullshit nonsense.

[42] You just need to crumple it up into your soup and only a saltine would work.

[43] Or like an old lady has to have them in their purse.

[44] You're hungry, you look thin.

[45] They say that, you look thin.

[46] You look sick.

[47] Oh, you look sick and thin.

[48] That's a great thing for people to walk around saying.

[49] Yeah.

[50] I think I'm going to say this, and I don't know if you can relate Gorley, because I'm older than you, but when I was a kid, I felt like there was, if you wanted a cracker, you had a saltine or a ritz.

[51] Or a graham cracker.

[52] I know, but that's different.

[53] I'm saying if you wanted like a salty cracker, you had, there was a saltine.

[54] I apologize.

[55] Okay.

[56] Great.

[57] You're really in my flow today.

[58] That's terrific.

[59] Incredible.

[60] I wish we had a band together so we could suck at the same time.

[61] Anyway, my point is, there was basically two types of each kind of food.

[62] That's what it felt like to me. And if you wanted a powdered drink, you'd get like, do you know what I mean?

[63] They'd be like a lemonade.

[64] There'd be one kind of lemonade or another kind.

[65] But that was it.

[66] There is 750 types of each kind of food now.

[67] So that's why I feel like saltines must be getting squeezed out and I worry about them.

[68] You really worry about saltines?

[69] Well, I did for a second and now it's gone.

[70] Okay.

[71] That makes more sense.

[72] I mean, if you're like staying up late worrying about saltine.

[73] When I say I'm worried about something, and this includes worried about it.

[74] about, like, my parents' health or how anyone in my family or anyone in my life is doing, I'm talking about a momentary sensation that quickly passes the second I see my reflection.

[75] Although, we've been talking about saltines for a good few minutes now.

[76] God damn it.

[77] What a great crispy cracker.

[78] I know they are good.

[79] You can't beat them.

[80] Well, I think that if they cornered the market on crackers and then everyone got fat, people were like, maybe we should make crackers with better ingredients than, like, cardboard with salt on it.

[81] What is insulting?

[82] Coming out against saltines.

[83] I think I like them in my soup.

[84] It was fine.

[85] Did you guys ever play that game where you eat a bunch of saltines and you try to whistle?

[86] That was good times.

[87] Oh, and it comes shooting out and it looks like shrapnel.

[88] Uh -huh.

[89] Yeah, I love that game.

[90] Yeah, we should do that.

[91] Nah, what's not.

[92] Okay.

[93] Let's never do that.

[94] Okay.

[95] Wait a minute.

[96] I'm going to tweak your idea slightly of we should do it to what's never do it.

[97] Okay.

[98] So I took what you said and slightly tweaked it.

[99] Uh -huh.

[100] Yeah, we'd be great in a band together.

[101] You're right.

[102] I know.

[103] Trust me. Yeah.

[104] You with your Asusophone, me with my sweet Stratocaster.

[105] And personality.

[106] And personality, yes.

[107] I mean, problematic personality.

[108] Hey, I'm America's sweetheart.

[109] Oh.

[110] No, it's true story.

[111] It used to be...

[112] I'm going to tweak your story a little bit.

[113] Listen, Julia Roberts was America's sweetheart, and then they notified me recently that it has been passed to me. Is this like people's sexiest person alive?

[114] It's kind of, but it's not done by People magazine.

[115] It was just a given that Julia Roberts was America's sweetheart for like 20s.

[116] years.

[117] It went from her to you?

[118] I swear to God, I was as shocked as you guys were.

[119] I thought it was a gas bill.

[120] And I just opened the envelope and it said, Julia Roberts is no longer America's sweetheart.

[121] Now it's you, Conan O 'Brien.

[122] And there's all this responsibility.

[123] Who sent it?

[124] You know what?

[125] I looked into it and it seems pretty legit and I don't want to talk too much about it.

[126] Really?

[127] Oh, you looked into it.

[128] It seems legit, but you don't want to say who sent it to you.

[129] Was it by any chance sent by Conan O 'Brien?

[130] It just said C. O 'Brien.

[131] Okay.

[132] Yeah.

[133] It said C. O 'Brien and it smelled of smelled of alcohol.

[134] So it's possible I wrote it late at night and mailed it to myself.

[135] And it had crumpled up saltines in it.

[136] It had saltines in it.

[137] I thought it was glitter.

[138] I was like, this is exciting.

[139] And I started waving it around the room and just saltines everywhere.

[140] But anyway, if you're curious, yes, I'm now America's sweetheart.

[141] Oh, boy, America really is at the end of its rope.

[142] Forget the democracy thing.

[143] We're done.

[144] Forget January 6th.

[145] Forget the threat against our whole system of democracy.

[146] I think this is the end.

[147] This is the final blow.

[148] Yeah.

[149] All right.

[150] Well, very excited about our guest today.

[151] Very cool to talk to this gentleman.

[152] My guest is an Oscar Grammy and Tony award -winning musician.

[153] Isn't that most of the awards?

[154] What does he not have?

[155] You said Emmy, Grammy, and Tony?

[156] Nope.

[157] I didn't see Emmy.

[158] Emmy.

[159] He has Oscar, Grammy, and Tony.

[160] So he's an Ogden.

[161] He doesn't have what you have.

[162] That's right.

[163] He's a lot.

[164] loser.

[165] He's a gut.

[166] He's a got.

[167] He's a got.

[168] Man, I feel so bad for this guy now.

[169] All those awards, but not the wonderful Emmy, which is really the king of all the awards.

[170] Anyway, he's, of course, was the lead singer and guitarist for the talking heads.

[171] This summer, he's bringing his musical, Here Lies Love to Broadway with Broadway.

[172] performances starting on July 20th.

[173] David Byrne, welcome.

[174] Well, first of all, I want to start by asking you, I am here at the serious studios in Midtown, New York.

[175] Did you ride a bike here?

[176] Yes, I did.

[177] Yes, I did your honor.

[178] And did you, in fact, strike that woman with your bike?

[179] No, I'm just curious, because I know that you are an avid biker.

[180] I'm a biker.

[181] I love riding a bicycle.

[182] A friend of mine, my favorite saying that he has is, No one's ever had a bad day on a bike, but is it practical here in New York City?

[183] Can you get around pretty well relying on the bike?

[184] I can get around really well.

[185] I live in Manhattan.

[186] Manhattan's not that big of an island.

[187] And usually most of my meetings and work are below Central Park, let's say.

[188] So it's pretty easy.

[189] I've gotten used to it.

[190] I stay in the bike lanes.

[191] I mostly stop at red lights.

[192] I've never had a serious accent.

[193] I'm very lucky about that.

[194] yeah I wouldn't advocate and say oh just you've never done it before okay just jump on a bike and get into traffic right yeah I would not I would say that to someone I didn't like I have an idea yes if you see some guy coming right at you going the wrong way stick your hand out but you know with the e -bikes now it's tricky I don't know if you have that but when I'm in Manhattan now walking around there are these people that are delivering food and they'll go by on a bike I can't even hear that's going 60 miles an hour in the bike lane.

[195] I don't know if you've encountered that problem.

[196] I have certainly encountered that.

[197] Sometimes going the wrong way.

[198] So when you're crossing the street or whatever, you don't expect them to kind of blindside you.

[199] Right.

[200] It's, there's a little bit of an enforcement problem.

[201] Well, I wanted to start talking to you, and I know that there are unusual circumstances of your growing up, which is you lived in Scotland.

[202] Lived in Scotland?

[203] For how many years?

[204] Not very many.

[205] Family all left.

[206] when I was two, moved to Canada, moved to suburban Baltimore when I was around seven or eight.

[207] But you had a Scottish accent for a while.

[208] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[209] And yeah, the kids couldn't understand me. And so I would think what's going to make someone in elementary school feel more like an outsider than having a thick Scottish accent?

[210] That must have been, I mean, first of all, that is something that right away, if you're a kid and you're sensitive, you must have felt like, need to overcome this.

[211] What do I do?

[212] How do I fit in?

[213] Yeah.

[214] And kids at that age, they want to, they want to fit in.

[215] They want to be like everyone else.

[216] It's not like, oh, I'm my own person.

[217] I do my own thing.

[218] I talk my own way.

[219] I do it.

[220] Kids are not ready for that.

[221] Right.

[222] So I'm sure I lost the accent within, you know, a couple of years or something.

[223] But right away, you know that I didn't talk the same way as the other kids.

[224] Right.

[225] My parents, eat holding their knives and forks at the same time.

[226] Animals.

[227] You're eating blood sausage.

[228] You can't have anyone come over.

[229] Yes, we called it black pudding.

[230] So I would think, I mean, I do think sometimes, although these things can be painful when you're a kid, being too well adjusted comes with a price.

[231] And I think feeling a little bit like an outsider maybe has some advantages when it comes to maybe you having an interior life thinking, what can I find that's mine?

[232] And then that turns out to be music.

[233] Yes.

[234] Music is very healing for a person who feels a little bit of an outsider trying to figure things out, can't quite fit in.

[235] Music, yeah, the rock music, what it's all like, wow, there's people out there kind of like me. Where are they?

[236] Right.

[237] They're not here, but I know they're out there.

[238] They're not.

[239] They can hear them on the radio.

[240] What instruments, because I'm obviously guitar, but there were other instruments that you dabbled with as a kid.

[241] If you can call a tape recorder an instrument.

[242] Yeah, you can.

[243] Okay, then I did that.

[244] My parents were not like showbiz pushy, but they were supportive.

[245] So my dad had a tape recorder and I wanted to start playing with it and doing things I'd heard about, like cutting up tape and rearranging the order of the stuff on the tapes and editing and doing all that kind of thing.

[246] So he, you know, let me do that.

[247] Yeah.

[248] Supportive in that way.

[249] It was really nice.

[250] And I think you dabbled in violin accordion.

[251] Did you play accordion for a guy?

[252] I had a friend who played accordion.

[253] I played violin.

[254] And then at some point, I connected with a friend, and he played accordion.

[255] I played violin and ukulele and we played on the street sometimes.

[256] And I did a little bit of, well, you might call it acrobatics.

[257] Mainly I just stood on one leg.

[258] You stood on one leg as you played.

[259] Yeah, as I played and looked at the...

[260] That's very Jethro tall.

[261] He used to stand on one leg in, I mean, Aqualong.

[262] Exactly.

[263] He'd stand, what am I think of, Ian?

[264] Ian Anderson, is that a thing?

[265] Yes, we'd stand on one leg and play in this very dramatic pose and play his flute solos.

[266] I think my gesture was meant to be a little more ironic, like, look at what I'm doing.

[267] Look, isn't this amazing?

[268] And yet, I was really just standing on one foot.

[269] well clearly your act evolved it's not like in the early days in the 70s at CBGVs people were like you gotta see this guy he stands on one leg how's the music I don't know I haven't listened to it I've met an old acquaintance of yours Jerry Harrison and bumped into him a couple of times and told him how much talking heads meant to me meant so much to me. Thank you.

[270] And I have a very clear, crystal clear memory.

[271] I would have been, I want to say maybe 1983, 84, somewhere around there.

[272] I'm in college.

[273] And, of course, I'm obsessed with late night with David Letterman, and he has you guys on and you play Burning Down the House on Letterman.

[274] And it was my whole world of things that I loved coming together in one moment, which rarely happened when you're at that phase.

[275] There was so, there was much less entertainment back then.

[276] So the fact that, I remember, I think Dave chatted with you a bit.

[277] You came over to the interview chair either before or after the song.

[278] He was talking to you and I thought this is everything I like in life in one place at the same time.

[279] I remember, well, I've seen replays of that chat.

[280] It seemed like a very, it was a very odd chat.

[281] It was.

[282] I was very nervous and they were fairly stilted answers, but...

[283] I don't think...

[284] I remember watching it and having no judgment about it, which is just, that's you, this is Dave.

[285] I don't, you know, this is what's happening at this moment.

[286] I loved the performance of the song, you know.

[287] You know, so fascinated by, you know, talking about the beginnings of that band.

[288] I never realized until recently that Psycho Killer, which is the first big hit, was the only the second song you had ever written?

[289] Yeah, yeah.

[290] It was kind of an experiment to see, Can I really write a song?

[291] Wow.

[292] I got help from some of the others.

[293] We did, and people seemed to like that one.

[294] Yeah.

[295] And then I thought, oh.

[296] It also sounded so different from anything else at the time to me. It just was so, it was, and I know that you were trying to, I read an interview once where you said in Psycho Killer, you were trying to, almost as a thought experiment saying, what if Alice Cooper and Randy Newman wrote a song together?

[297] Exactly.

[298] Yes.

[299] And I'm like, what a fantastic...

[300] First of all, who approaches songwriting with that kind of idea?

[301] I liked them both.

[302] Yeah.

[303] I thought, well, you know, you like it both.

[304] Both, it's like cooking.

[305] Put them together.

[306] I like onions.

[307] I like ice cream.

[308] They must be good together.

[309] I'm curious.

[310] So you wrote that song, things start to take off, and then you just have this phenomenal success.

[311] And I think the rare...

[312] thing that you guys pulled off was the group was very commercially successful.

[313] It was the soundtrack for a lot of people of late 70s, early 80s, but also very highly regarded and respected at the same time, which doesn't always happen.

[314] It doesn't always happen.

[315] We were kind of determined to do what we did, but I think we're also pretty lucky at that be around at that time where that kind of thing was accepted.

[316] There's a certain amount of luck involved.

[317] Yeah.

[318] I like it.

[319] when people acknowledge luck.

[320] I mean, yeah.

[321] We were back at CBGBs.

[322] We were kind of in the right place at the right time.

[323] Other bands were playing.

[324] People were coming to see them.

[325] Record companies coming to see them.

[326] We didn't plan that.

[327] Do you ever think to yourself, I do in comedy and think, what if I was starting now?

[328] What would you do?

[329] What would I do if I started now?

[330] How would I, because there's so much out there, how would I make it?

[331] And I'm not sure that I would.

[332] I'm very lucky There is so much There's a lot of music out there too The streaming services and everywhere are just filled filled with music And you wonder how I still find lots of things that I like But I can imagine for a lot of people It's like, well, it's just too much I think that your people are overwhelmed And then they get siloed I just want to listen to these three It's just as in news You don't have to hear an opinion You don't want to hear anymore Because you can just watch your The same thing is happening, I think, in music and in comedy.

[333] You can just seek out, these are the seven things that give me comfort, and you will not run into anything that might challenge you, which is kind of scary.

[334] There's such a nice evolution, too, with your band with Talking Heads that the music kept evolving.

[335] It felt like, if I'm not mistaken, there was a determination to not do the same thing twice.

[336] Exactly.

[337] And I'd grown up as a music fan in the late 60s, early 70s.

[338] Who did you like?

[339] Oh, you know, I liked the Temptations and James Brown and the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and the Who and, you know, all these acts that were around.

[340] And a lot of them, not all of them, but a lot of them, from album to album, they'd evolve and do different things and try these odd, adding these odd sounds and odd ideas into their songs.

[341] And I thought, that's what you do.

[342] get away with it.

[343] Yeah.

[344] And look, they're successful.

[345] And so I thought, well, okay, if they can do it, that's the, that's, that's, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's a, get a get away with it.

[346] Was there pressure after psycho killer from record label to say, like, that was great, do that again?

[347] Because you didn't.

[348] Um, uh, there was probably pressure after some other things like maybe, maybe when we did some successful tours or something like that.

[349] It was more like, that's good.

[350] You're doing good.

[351] Just stay on the road.

[352] Yep.

[353] That can be.

[354] fun but kind of deadly after a while yeah famously the road it in my limited experience with it it is thrilling for for just a little while and then you see you understand why people become addicts and alcoholics you know and uh because you're on a bus and uh you're you're really amped up after a show and you want to come down from after a show and then it's time to get on a bus and it's it's not a good rhythm to live in consistently yeah you just watch the movies and start drinking i mean i do that now but i'm not even touring so this is i'm realizing now this is an intervention they've called in to you've got no when did you i mean obviously you've always had a strong inclination to combine there's the music but you've always In a way that I feel like very similar to David Bowie, you've always wanted it to also be a great theatrical experience.

[355] You've wanted it to, I mean, I remember the giant suit and stopped making sense and how arresting that was.

[356] What a great idea that was.

[357] And so you have your physicality, the way you moved, and then the suit and how they're fighting each other, but also complementing each other.

[358] And it burned a hole in my brain at the time.

[359] for a lot of people it did, but where did that sensibility come from, do you think?

[360] Were you always interested in that, in making it visual and theatrical?

[361] Little by little.

[362] I think at first, I mean, again, growing up, seeing like David Bowie shows and some other kinds of things, I realized, oh, that is a thing that can be done.

[363] You can do a kind of theatrical show with wear costumes or whatever.

[364] That's not completely out of the question.

[365] But I thought, no, but we don't know what to do.

[366] So we started off trying to take it down to ground zero and not do anything, just wear street clothes on stage and not have any kind of look.

[367] Of course, not having a look ends up being a look.

[368] There's no way you can't escape it.

[369] So after a while, little by little started incorporating things, a little bit of movement, this and that, more and more.

[370] A little bit of lighting at first, we had no lighting.

[371] We would say to the, we'd go into a club and just say, just turn them on when we start and turn them off when we're done.

[372] Really, really an on -off, just someone with an on -off switch.

[373] Basically, yes, sorry, I know you want to be creative, but please, we're not ready for that yet.

[374] Living here, I started seeing kind of downtown experimental theater, things like that, people doing different things, and I saw various kinds of performances and whatever, and I thought, oh, oh, there's all different ways of doing this.

[375] it doesn't have i don't have to be like the various rock stars that i that i know about that i might love but there's other ways of doing things i didn't necessarily copy those other people but it kind opened up a world of think outside the box think of what you can do and we'd finished a tour i was in japan talking to a friend over there and i said uh not sure what to do on on stage for our next tour.

[376] And this guy said, well, being kind of facetious, saying, well, you know in the theater, everything has to be bigger.

[377] And I'm thinking about what I'm wearing.

[378] At that moment, I was thinking what I'm going to wear.

[379] So I drew on a napkin, a really big suit.

[380] Now, being in Japan, I was also thinking of the kind of traditional theater there, like this genre of theater called No. They wear these very wide, shouldered outfits.

[381] I've seen this.

[382] Yes.

[383] Yeah.

[384] And they, And they look kind of flat when they turn to the side.

[385] It's like a big rectangle in front with a head in the middle.

[386] And the shoulders are obviously very square.

[387] Yeah, very square.

[388] And I thought, do that not have it look Asian, but have it look like a kind of business person's suit.

[389] I don't know what that means, but I thought, that could be nice.

[390] It feels like it means something.

[391] Did you feel that the glasses also were part of the aesthetic?

[392] You know what I mean?

[393] Or was it just, I need to see?

[394] No, no. I didn't wear glasses then.

[395] Yeah.

[396] And you did in some videos, I think.

[397] Yeah, I did in some videos, but it was just for the look.

[398] They didn't have any glass in them.

[399] I don't think.

[400] Yeah, it was just for the look that I thought this person, this character.

[401] You start there, but then as the, you need to, as you evolve and start playing with things, you start adding more and more.

[402] But it starts very stripped down.

[403] Yes.

[404] Didn't know what to do.

[405] So I thought, let's eliminate everything.

[406] No guitar solos.

[407] Maybe they're just a hint of a guitar solo.

[408] Wait, list, we're going to wear our street clothes.

[409] The lights are just going to come on at the beginning and go off at the end.

[410] Right.

[411] All those kinds of things.

[412] No choreography.

[413] All the sort of take away everything and see what's left.

[414] We kind of did that musically too.

[415] It was kind of let's remove all the extraneous musical elements.

[416] So we only play what's absolutely necessary.

[417] And then you can start to add other things can creep back.

[418] When the band breaks up, I think the last time you played together was at a rock and roll Hall of Fame induction?

[419] Yeah, yeah.

[420] How did it feel when you guys were up there together?

[421] It was fun, but it was tense.

[422] Yeah.

[423] I remember there were some musical mistakes that drove me around the band.

[424] Yeah.

[425] I thought, oh, geez, really?

[426] Now?

[427] Yeah, yeah.

[428] Here?

[429] Yeah.

[430] There's the pluses and minus of being in a band.

[431] Yes.

[432] And I have always really admired the decision not to reform the band because I've always thought when something happens and it's pure and then it's done, there's a real beauty to stepping away from it.

[433] Is that how you have felt?

[434] I love collaborating with people, but being with a band is, yeah, I have to say, it's really wonderful.

[435] You're like a family.

[436] You're like a little team, a little army, all those kinds of things.

[437] but then after a while it gets all the kind of all the kind of negative stuff in a family is there as well as the positive stuff right who took my toothbrush yeah yeah do you have to chew like that yeah I think it was Lauren Michael said to me once he was describing I don't know if it was Rowan and Martin or some famous comedy team but he said when when you're down and out and you're working your way up in the clubs you look at your part and you think thank God he's up here on stage with me at this dive but then when you hit it a huge big time you look over at that guy and you go what the hell is he doing here it's just human nature but also things run their course did you ever work with a team like that no I mean I worked I was I've always been very collaborative in my I started out as a writer and I was a comedy writer for a long time and that was very collaborative I enjoyed that, but when I started performing, I found that, oh, I'm kind of a control freak.

[438] And it's easier when not everything is a collaboration.

[439] So it's the yin -yang.

[440] It's you want it to be the way you have it in your head.

[441] You want to hear it the way you hear it in your head, whether it's comedy or music.

[442] It's a struggle.

[443] The collaborations are great, but then there's those moments when you think, can I, can I just tell everybody exactly what to do?

[444] And then, of course, you're Mussolini, who did not make it in comedy, by the way.

[445] I remember being like that at various points, being a control freak and saying, it has to be this way, has to be this way, we're going to do it again, we're going to do it again.

[446] And years go by, and I realized, you know, whatever, whatever the phrase is, you can catch more flies, you get more something with sugar or whatever it might be.

[447] Flies go into sugar and die.

[448] Wait, honey can cover sugar.

[449] I'm not making this any better.

[450] But I know what you're saying.

[451] It's supposed to be like...

[452] You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

[453] Something like that.

[454] So I knew this.

[455] Now I'm a control freak.

[456] We've got to get this right.

[457] Yes.

[458] So there's a fly.

[459] Okay, I'm sorry.

[460] I would like it if we just completely broke down over this, got into a fight, and then you left.

[461] It was over this saying.

[462] I'm going to go look this up.

[463] Yeah, exactly.

[464] I'm going to the New York Public Library.

[465] Why don't you use your phone?

[466] I want to go to the library.

[467] I don't trust the Internet.

[468] It's stealing my soul.

[469] This is just apropos of nothing, but just because you mentioned that.

[470] Are you kind of, are you comfortable with technology?

[471] Are you comfortable with Internet, phone, or?

[472] I use it.

[473] I mean, I use the Internet.

[474] I have mobile phone, of course.

[475] But I'm not on social media.

[476] Right.

[477] I'm kind of suspicious of what that does to people.

[478] there's other things that I'm kind of suspicious about.

[479] The big tech companies know so much about us and therefore are kind of manipulating us in various kinds of ways.

[480] I mean, the way I say it, it sounds like science fiction, but it's more like manipulating you to stay on their platform and buy stuff that you don't really like.

[481] In subtle ways.

[482] Do you ever use a typewriter?

[483] Yes, I have, but I don't use it anymore.

[484] I know you, we all did use a typewriter.

[485] I still use a typewriter because I love the look of them.

[486] The same way I love the look of a guitar.

[487] I also love the look of certain kinds of typewriters, and I love having them around.

[488] And there is a little niche cult out there of people like me that still type people letters and put them in the mail.

[489] I'm sure people love getting a letter like that.

[490] They love getting a typed letter, even if it's quite abusive.

[491] I've written the creepiest, most abusive letters.

[492] People are like, you type this?

[493] This is incredible.

[494] But I don't know.

[495] You seem like you would maybe fall into that pocket of sometimes, you know, want to ride a bike you want to keep it simple yeah to some extent to some extent i feel like yeah enjoy your life and you don't have to you have to obsess over all this stuff so i want to talk to you about here lies love which is this uh project that you've been working on for quite a while and and now it's going to get its premiere on broadway finally on july 20th this is what fascinates me is the inspiration for this or the starting point was your interest in amelda marcos exactly now tell us how because that that is not again i have learned to expect the unexpected from david byrne but when i say like it's a it's going to be a musical and it revolves around to melda marcos i think i can't say after that oh that old idea again another musical about amelda marcos please uh yes all those songs about shoes so where did this come from how did this germinate It goes back before that, not very often, but a few times I went to discos when there was a live act playing.

[496] And a live act playing in a disco meant they would come in with a little tape with their backing tracks, with their music on the tape, put it in.

[497] So it was like a karaoke thing.

[498] It would be like Grace Jones or Gloria Gaynor or Frida Payne or different people who had hits in those days.

[499] They would stand on a little platform.

[500] The tape would play and they'd dance around and sing live, but the music was.

[501] pre -recorded.

[502] And I thought, oh, that's pretty nice.

[503] It's a really short set.

[504] It's like 15 minutes because they don't only have maybe two hits.

[505] And then I'd heard the DJs in those kind of places saying there's an arc to the evening.

[506] There's where we take the audience on a journey or dancing and maybe they're doing other things, but it's an arc. And I thought, but what if the arc was a story?

[507] What if you could tell a story using those songs that they're singing?

[508] I just filed that away.

[509] And then when I read that Amel de Marcos, the former first lady of the Philippines, loved going to discos.

[510] She had a mirror ball installed in her New York townhouse.

[511] She turned the roof of the palace in Manila into like a dance club.

[512] I thought, oh, here's a kind of somewhat eccentric, real life person who lives in that world.

[513] Maybe this is the person whose story could be told that way.

[514] So I started doing research.

[515] So what did you find out about, I mean, for the longest time, she was held up as this, if you don't know much about people, you just know the caricature about them.

[516] But as you, did you become more sympathetic at all to Melda Marcos, the more you learned about her or no?

[517] Oh, yeah.

[518] I think anybody who's writing about another person or some situation like that, you have to try and empathize and understand what drove them to do what they did.

[519] If you don't, if you just say, oh, she's a bad, bad, bad, bad.

[520] person then story's over right there right so you have to try and understand and for her yes there was a story she started all it was a little bit of rags to riches story poor girl from the poor side of a very influential family so she watched her relatives her richer relatives and she would have to serve them tea and things like that and she thought why are they why them why them why not me And so she became kind of ambitious and kind of clawed her way up there.

[521] She was very beautiful, won some beauty contests, married a young senator, got it, got in there.

[522] And yeah, lots and lots of things happened after that.

[523] To make, long story short, she did go to a lot of discos.

[524] And in the end, she and her husband, her husband declared martial law.

[525] They put the country under martial law, which meant the press is muzzled.

[526] Any dissidents can just be rounded up.

[527] Bad things happened.

[528] And eventually, the populace revolted, but in a very peaceful way.

[529] They held an election, but it was kind of a fake election.

[530] And like someone else we know, they claimed they won when they hadn't.

[531] Right.

[532] And people just turned out on the streets everywhere and just said, no, no, no, no, no. Enough.

[533] Enough.

[534] We're not having this.

[535] And that might have been the end of it.

[536] They might have just said, who were you to say?

[537] the generals started defecting and the cardinal in the Philippines whose name is cardinal sin he defected that's almost you can't write that stuff I couldn't yes I thought what I'm cardinal sin yeah but oh no I can't say that people will think oh you made that shit up right yeah so then eventually yeah after four days nobody got hurt uh they gave up and the U .S. Marines came in and airlifted him out.

[538] So it has a happy ending.

[539] But I love the Marines came in airlifts them out as a happy ending.

[540] Well, yeah, a happy ending for the people there.

[541] However, now there's other stories.

[542] The Marines airlifted her out and stopped.

[543] They said, we're going to, you can go to Hawaii, which they did.

[544] But she said, we need to stop at the PX in Guam.

[545] She dropped $60 ,000 at the PX on the way.

[546] I would think, what is at the PX at Guam that's so great?

[547] I know.

[548] It's a big base, but yeah.

[549] Would you get $60 ,000 worth of string cheese?

[550] I wonder.

[551] Beef jerky.

[552] Yes.

[553] Spam.

[554] Yeah.

[555] So, you know, what's interesting to me is so you have this story.

[556] Do the song, does the music then come out of the story?

[557] Does that would suggest or how does that work?

[558] How does this symbiotic relationship between the story and the music happen creatively?

[559] Wow.

[560] And I demand you to teach it to me. So I can do it.

[561] Since I was now saying, okay, this story is going to be set in a disco.

[562] And I wanted the audience to be like I would be in a disco, hearing and the performers up on little platforms on the side.

[563] So we have to have that kind of energy a lot of the time telling the story.

[564] So, yeah, I went to Fat Boy Slim, the musical artist, and said, you have to help me do this.

[565] This is a little bit outside of my wheelhouse.

[566] We want to really sound like dance music.

[567] yeah it worked and to me it felt like the kind of buoyant energy you get from dance music i thought that must be what it feels like to be a powerful person like this to be the president's wife and you can kind of do whatever you want you know i had a friend that saw um previous showing of it and was called me and was completely blown away just said this was the greatest the greatest experience and it was immersive and it was fantastic and the music was great and so I'm really looking forward to it I and I don't want to pay for a ticket that's the other reason I had you on well they yeah there's people can arrange we can arrange that no no I don't think you understand I want you to pay me to no uh oh oh I like I like to show up late and I'd like the the show to stop when I show up and I'd like a light to hit me as I'm as I as I make my way in these are things that I demand when I go places which is why I've never invited anywhere um I'm glad your friend liked it it is a lot of fun I made it sound like it's a lot of it's a history lesson but it the history comes through with all the dancing and music and everything what your creative process do you find that you have is it the more do you find that you do the best work say in the morning at night or does there no rhyme or reason to your creative engine.

[568] I found that I've fallen into a routine where the morning I get up and try and empty my inbox of emails.

[569] Never happens.

[570] But then by after lunch, I can start to work on whatever I really want to work on.

[571] And it's kind of like, if there's more emails coming in, forget it.

[572] Yeah.

[573] This is, I mean, they've done studies that say that there's so much creativity.

[574] It's really not that much.

[575] In a given day, someone might have two hours or real creativity.

[576] I agree.

[577] And then after that, everything is busy work.

[578] And I get fascinated by this stuff.

[579] So, you know, Hemingway used to say, I'll get up, he'd get up very early in the morning and he would, he said, if I get right to it, I have about, I think he said two, maybe three good hours.

[580] And he said, then I know the tank is done or almost done.

[581] He said, but I always leave.

[582] I always stop knowing what the next thing is going to be to make the beginning of the next day easier.

[583] Oh, I see.

[584] Which I thought was really like a kind of a cool trick.

[585] Yeah.

[586] He didn't go to empty.

[587] He went to there's still a little bit left and I'm going to stop here.

[588] And then the rest of the day was swimming, fishing, unfortunately, drinking way too much, but he would do whatever it is that he were boxing, you know, some cubist painter.

[589] But then the next day he could say, okay, I know where, I have about 15 minutes where I know what I'm doing and that will get me, give me the momentum to get going again.

[590] That makes perfect sense.

[591] I think I probably do that too and I'd have some kind of administration work in the creative thing.

[592] Like, let's do some line editing.

[593] Let's maybe just try and figure out some rhymes in a song that didn't quite work.

[594] Like go back over it and see if you can fix it a little bit.

[595] but not the heavy lifting of coming up with something on a blank page.

[596] You have said before that you think you might be somewhat on the spectrum.

[597] Is that something that you still believe?

[598] Not so much.

[599] Yeah.

[600] I still have moments when I interpret things that people say very, very literally.

[601] Or when somebody says something and I take it literally and they say, you couldn't tell that I didn't actually mean that?

[602] Right.

[603] And I go, no, I heard what you said.

[604] Right, right.

[605] That can cause problems.

[606] Well, can cause problems now because I don't think, I have this theory that sarcasm didn't really exist until about 1925.

[607] And that people used to say exactly what they meant.

[608] And then they would fight duels over it.

[609] And now things have evolved to the point where 98 % of what people say to each other is wise assery and, you know what I mean?

[610] And I, you know, not, you know, it's, it's sarcastic.

[611] It's meant to be, you know, oh, please, what I meant was the opposite.

[612] Exactly.

[613] And that's, that's.

[614] I had trouble following that.

[615] Less so now.

[616] But yes, I'm, as I got older, I felt more socially comfortable.

[617] But yeah, there was a time where I felt fairly socially awkward.

[618] But I did not feel unhappy.

[619] I just felt like, well, this is the way I am.

[620] Yeah.

[621] In New York, when you're moving through the world and you're on your bike, you are quite recognizable and you're a big deal rock star.

[622] How does that work for you?

[623] You are.

[624] You're an iconic artist and I don't know how comfortable are you with, David, can I grab a selfie?

[625] Sometimes that's okay, but often, you know, there's an advantage.

[626] If I'm on the bike, like today, a man said, hi, hi, David, I'm from Warner Brothers.

[627] I didn't know him.

[628] It seemed like a very nice man, but I thought, I'm not really ready to have a conversation right now.

[629] The red light changed and I was gone.

[630] You just take off on the bike.

[631] Not in a rude way.

[632] I said, good day to you, sir.

[633] Good day to you.

[634] I have a nice day.

[635] I've noticed this is a podcast, so I just want people to know that David's been sitting on a bike the entire time.

[636] and at any moment if the conversation goes away that he's not pleased he's riding out yes the light changes yeah why is there why is there a traffic light in here I also wanted to mention we have a mutual friend in John Mullaney oh yeah who I'm adore I just adore I think he's a brilliant brilliant mind and just thrilled to know him how did you and John Malaney come to be friendly through the director of Here Lies Love, Alex Timbers.

[637] He's a theater director, and he directed a thing that John Mullaney and Nick Hold did called Oh, Oh, Hello.

[638] Oh, yeah.

[639] I've seen that show.

[640] I love that show.

[641] Yeah.

[642] He directed that and said, David, they'd like to sometimes invite someone up on stage.

[643] Will you let them do that?

[644] I said, oh, sure.

[645] so I did was one of the kind of ringers in the audience that they bring up and they become part of one of the Was it the tuna sandwich?

[646] Yeah the tuna sandwich thing and they do that and of course they're all in like wigs and prosthetics and prosthetics and all kinds of stuff so I have to say that I got a little confused I thought who's which one's John which one is Nick?

[647] Which one's Nick?

[648] Which is John.

[649] No, it was a surreal moment of my life, too, which is a really, I mean, it was a really funny show.

[650] Those are both brilliant guys.

[651] And then the same thing.

[652] They heard I was in town.

[653] They said, would you come and be the, the stooge that sits in the audience and gets called up?

[654] So I got called up and it all, they're both were dressed as these old men.

[655] They're obsessed with Steely Dan and live on the Upper West Side.

[656] And it is the most specific kind of comedy.

[657] And then, of course, there's this bit that they want you to participate in where they lure you into mentioning this tuna sandwich and wouldn't you like some of this tuna sandwich.

[658] And it is one of those moments in my life anyway.

[659] And there have been many.

[660] I'm sure there have been many in yours where I leave my body and I observe what's happening.

[661] And I, there's part of me that thinks you have a very odd life at this moment, Conan.

[662] You're up on stage.

[663] It's Malaney Kroll.

[664] They keep referencing Steeley Dan.

[665] And they're trying to.

[666] you to mention tuna fish sandwich and uh we're at a broadway theater i don't understand what's happened to my life so it sounds like you had this similar experience i had a very similar experience yes this giant tuna sandwich comes down and it appears and really the whole stage smells like tuna fish it really does i smelled like tuna fish for days afterwards they wouldn't let me fly commercially for a while uh i like that you're good friends with john because i'm obsessed with whatever this line is between comedy and music.

[667] I know that there's some kind of visceral connection between the two.

[668] I've always been in comedy but fascinated with music and tried to play music and been frustrated and I always thought the grass was always greener.

[669] In the last kind of show I did, I wasn't exactly stand -up, but there were quite a number of parts in the show where I would just talk directly to the audience.

[670] Kind of like a comedian would do, and sometimes I got laughs.

[671] And so I got a little tiny taste to that.

[672] I loved it, but it was terrifying.

[673] Yeah.

[674] As a musician, you have this whole group of musicians and you have the song and everything that just kind of...

[675] The structure is there.

[676] It's a structure.

[677] Once you get on that roller coaster structure or whatever you want to call it, boom, you're supported.

[678] Right.

[679] You just ride it.

[680] Right.

[681] Whereas if you're just standing there and you're trying to make people laugh or pay attention at least, if they don't, it's like, whoa, we're in trouble now.

[682] Yeah, yeah.

[683] I'm always, I mean, I do think there is a connection in that I had to do something today and got up in front of this crowd and I could tell it was tight and I always think what time has taught me is be patient and find the rhythm of the room.

[684] Like, let's find the rhythm of what's happening in this room.

[685] And then I can work with that.

[686] And I imagine that it's somewhat similar in music where you need to where are these people now that we're playing for, and how do we connect with them?

[687] So when you find the rhythm of the room in that way, do you then go, oh, I have to completely change what I was going to do?

[688] I'm going to jump and do this other thing.

[689] Well, I love mistakes.

[690] It's just joyous.

[691] I mean, I grew up watching Johnny Carson tell a joke that would bomb on the Tonight Show, and I would see his eyes kind of glim.

[692] There's gleam in his eye and then he would have, I mean, there's one segment I really loved where he told a few jokes in a row that didn't work out well.

[693] And then he reached up and there was a microphone hanging above his head that was catching.

[694] He wasn't loved.

[695] He was done with the boom and he grabbed the boom and pulled down and said, is this thing on?

[696] Is this working?

[697] And then said, Walmart clean up in aisle five into the microphone.

[698] And he was basically just calling out the fact that his routine was not going at all well that night and having fun with it.

[699] And I thought that's the monologue I remember.

[700] And he probably got a huge laugh.

[701] Huge.

[702] I have a question.

[703] I have a friend who often tells me, David, don't laugh at your own jokes.

[704] And I've tried to stick to that, but sometimes I can't help it.

[705] It'll tickle me and I'll just start giggling at my own jokes.

[706] Now, sometimes I find like if I'm in front of an audience, they love that because it's whatever breaks the fourth wall or whatever and they go, they're in on it.

[707] Yeah.

[708] Other times it's like, he's just having fun by himself.

[709] We're not included here.

[710] I'm, I disagree with your friend violently.

[711] Whoa.

[712] Okay.

[713] If you were here, I would fight this person.

[714] Like I don't, sometimes if I'm laughing at my own joke, I'm the only one laughing.

[715] Yes.

[716] But at least there's someone.

[717] they're enjoying it and I so I uh and and people around me will say oh conan you're cracking yourself up there but I'll say yes I am and I'm I'm only on this earth for a little time and I'm delighted with myself at this moment and I don't care that none of you are um I want to make sure that I let you go on time because uh I know you've got you are an important man with places to be um but this has been a real uh joy it's been a joy and an honor i want to make sure i get the word out that uh here lies love premieres july 20th we're in previews before that right where we're that means we're still getting some bugs out of it but it's it's the full show and um on the night in which i come i will show up late the show will stop a spotlight will hit me and i I will slowly walk to where I'm going to be seated standing, and then the show resumes.

[718] That's right.

[719] And we'll have some shoes for you.

[720] David Byrne, this is like my dream come true.

[721] Thank you so much for being here.

[722] Thanks for having me. That's a fun talk.

[723] This is cool.

[724] Thank you.

[725] I believe our sound engineer, Eduardo, has something he likes to say.

[726] Yes, sound.

[727] Is that the correct term, by the way, sound engineer?

[728] Sure.

[729] Audio engineer, sound engineer.

[730] Both work.

[731] Okay.

[732] He said audio engineer.

[733] I think that's what you prefer.

[734] That's what you want, right?

[735] Either is fine.

[736] Okay.

[737] No, that's not true.

[738] I can, do you pause?

[739] Our microphone guy.

[740] Yeah, perfect.

[741] A talkie man. Yeah, talkie man has something he'd like to say.

[742] What's up, Eduardo?

[743] I have some exciting news to share about a gentleman at this table who's going to be making his triumphant return to the soccer field in a couple weeks.

[744] Well, I know it's not me because I never got on the.

[745] soccer field.

[746] So that's not true.

[747] I've seen your remote in Mexico.

[748] Oh, that's true.

[749] Who did I play with?

[750] Giovanni Los Santos.

[751] Oh my God.

[752] That's right.

[753] Yes.

[754] But, uh, but yes, you were right.

[755] It's not you that's going to be making your return.

[756] It's Mr. Matt Goreley, who I believe is training for, uh, do you want to talk more?

[757] Training?

[758] Well, oh, boy.

[759] I mean, I, I've been since hitting 50 wanting to get a bit back in shape, eat healthy, and go to the gym and exercise, get my cardio.

[760] And I was, How should I put this?

[761] I know you don't think of me as the most athletic person and trust me, I don't either.

[762] Can it's so funny you say that because when I think of you going to the gym, I picture a gym from 1910 and you have a friend who, yeah, you have that one of those, yeah, those jiggling belts, but also you throw a medicine ball.

[763] And then there are some wooden pins that you toss around.

[764] But I did play soccer for a number of years when I was a kid and actually played club soccer and all -star soccer, believe it or not.

[765] And I am going back, Eduardo plays, and he got us on a team called Mellow Yellow.

[766] Oh, wow.

[767] Yeah.

[768] And it's in your favorite city of Pasadena.

[769] I do like Pasadena.

[770] Man, Pasadena in August, though, this summer.

[771] It gets hot.

[772] That's a frying pan.

[773] I know.

[774] And I am not good in the heat.

[775] And I might not be good at soccer in the first place.

[776] I encourage you to watch Conan's remote.

[777] I mean, do you have any tips for...

[778] I don't remember.

[779] I shot so many remotes over so many years that I have done.

[780] dim memories.

[781] I'd have to re -watch it.

[782] How many times have you played soccer?

[783] I think you watched it.

[784] I don't think I really played soccer.

[785] Soccer was not my sport.

[786] My legs are way too long.

[787] So for any kind of message to get from my brain to my feet, it takes like four days.

[788] It's like a Flintstones bit where they, you know, they hand a note to a bird and it has to take off.

[789] You'd be better off shouting the message to your feet.

[790] Exactly.

[791] Yeah.

[792] So I don't remember that too well, but I know that soccer is not my sport.

[793] Although I admire it, I think they're probably the best athletes because they run constantly.

[794] That's what scares me. And are they?

[795] Oh, well, yeah, I got that.

[796] I think so.

[797] Them and hockey players.

[798] Yeah, I mean, I don't understand.

[799] The hockey players cover their, right.

[800] Soccer, we are.

[801] We are.

[802] We are.

[803] The soccer players.

[804] We are.

[805] Okay.

[806] Is that true?

[807] I think so.

[808] Okay.

[809] That's why I watched the World Cup.

[810] The what cup?

[811] The World Cup.

[812] The Woolt Cup.

[813] The World Cup.

[814] That's where all the sheep plays soccer.

[815] Bauer Walters.

[816] So I think that's good.

[817] Are you feeling, what's the process of you getting into shape?

[818] I run on a treadmill.

[819] I run about four miles a week.

[820] And then I do a little bit of strength training.

[821] And then I've tried to change my diet.

[822] The only problem I haven't been able to fix is cocktails I still got to have.

[823] my cocktails.

[824] That's a lot of sugar.

[825] There's a lot of empty calories.

[826] Are there stakes?

[827] Like, do you, if you compete against the other teams, do you guys win a trophy?

[828] Oh, yeah, yeah, there's a trophy.

[829] But I'm nervous.

[830] You know what I found, you can go buy the trophies.

[831] I know I've passed trophy stores all the time and I just go in and buy them.

[832] My shelves are filled with amazing trophies.

[833] No, this is a trophy wife.

[834] We get a trophy wife.

[835] That's a big deal here in Los Angeles.

[836] So what's the plan?

[837] So you're getting there.

[838] I'm a little nervous because I've never been a great endurance guy.

[839] I can sprint pretty well and I'm tenacious mentally, but I think my body's going to give out pretty quick, especially if it's hot.

[840] So we'll see.

[841] How long has it been since you last played?

[842] Soccer?

[843] Yeah.

[844] I've never seen you stand up.

[845] No, I don't.

[846] I swear to God, all these five years we've been working together and he's always seated and I saw you once on the sidewalk and you were in a rolling chair.

[847] Yeah, that's right.

[848] Just shoveling from an office and you were just shoveling yourself along i played uh like i said when i was a kid and then i joined soccer in high school but uh they didn't really play me that's usually a not a good sign he's on your team edwardo now how good are you edwardo i'm okay i bet he's pretty good yeah he's that that means he's really good why don't you give me the benefit of the doubt um let me try that ask me how good i am how good are you i'm okay i think you're exaggerating huh I'm sorry.

[849] So if one was to play soccer, does that make them hot?

[850] Does the tail wag the dog?

[851] You're back to that?

[852] Yeah, I'm sort of stuck on that one.

[853] I'd like to be thought of as hot.

[854] And I'm curious if I played soccer and you didn't know me and you saw a guy my age playing soccer on the field in super short shorts.

[855] Oh, boy.

[856] Like really short.

[857] I think I'd be like, why is his coordination off?

[858] And then because these guys are, they're running for.

[859] such a long period of time and they don't they're just wearing a shirt and shorts and like long socks you know it's funny I would I'm into I would be okay with it I would play if I could be on a pony no one else is I'm the only one playing polo while I'm playing polo and I have a big like a like a mallet but everyone else is running but I'm on a pony no and I mean a very small pony like my legs are dragging what are you on a pony I don't know I just I like the visual of Conan's gonna play and he's paying for all of our jerseys and he's paying for all the snacks but there's one caveat he has to be he brought a pony with him and actually I have like seven ponies because it's so hot I was gonna say the ponies probably would pass out in that heat I would put camelbacks on them you know that bikers wear and have hoses going into their mouths so that they're constantly drinking nutritious waters maybe you can be our team manager and maybe Sona can be our team mom and you can be the manager I want to be I want to lose it all the time I want to be someone who gets to give a yellow card.

[860] That's a ref. Yeah, I'd like to be a ref. And I would just be thrown.

[861] I would love that.

[862] I would like that on the podcast.

[863] If one of you gets out of line or says something I don't like, I can just toss cards around.

[864] You're the one that needs that kind of thing.

[865] You're off the law.

[866] I'm on a, I'm on a pony.

[867] Soccer.

[868] Well, listen, I'm looking forward to it and maybe I'll come check you guys out.

[869] He said not meaning it.

[870] Soda said she'd go.

[871] I did.

[872] She wants to ogle the guys.

[873] Oh, yeah.

[874] Clearly she wants to get a look at her.

[875] old co -worker in the soccer gear Oh, that's it.

[876] That's it.

[877] We're wearing cleats, chin guards and other things that you wear when you play soccer.

[878] No, I'll come.

[879] I'm close.

[880] We talked about it.

[881] I know which park you're going to go to, too.

[882] I'll come, I'll come cheer you guys on.

[883] I'll chopper in.

[884] Okay.

[885] Chopper in?

[886] Yeah.

[887] It's Pasadena.

[888] Oh.

[889] I can't be expected to drive all that way.

[890] I need to call my chopper.

[891] Are you going to land the chopper in the middle of the field?

[892] I'm going to land in the middle of the field and so many people are going to get cut up by the blades.

[893] Oh, man. Hello, everyone.

[894] Why are people screaming?

[895] What's all this blood about?

[896] I'm going to land on the field with no permit or anything and tear up all the sod.

[897] They do call it sod, don't they?

[898] It's artificial turf, but sure.

[899] I call it sod.

[900] All right, well, listen, good luck to you.

[901] Thanks.

[902] And I do applaud you on this effort to get in shape.

[903] I think that's great.

[904] Thank you.

[905] And trust me, as a guy who maintains himself in perfect condition, You're going to enjoy it once you get to where I am now.

[906] You said perfect.

[907] Yep.

[908] 10.

[909] 10 out of 10.

[910] Okay.

[911] Established.

[912] Hot me over now.

[913] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[914] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.

[915] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[916] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[917] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[918] incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[919] Take it away, Jimmy.

[920] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[921] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[922] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.

[923] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[924] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[925] Got a question for Conan?

[926] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[927] could be featured on a future episode.

[928] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.