Bill Hader

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dach Shepherd.

[2] Hi, Emmy nominated, Dachshepard.

[3] No, no that.

[4] Acklead goes to you, my friend.

[5] Emmy nominated miniature miles, Monica Padman.

[6] And our guest is also Emmy nominated and Emmy winner.

[7] Oh, sure.

[8] Bill Hater.

[9] One of my all -time favorite S &L cast members.

[10] So funny.

[11] It has an incredible show that you're probably already watching Barry on HBO.

[12] Yes.

[13] fantastically made such a great tone and of course you loved him in train wreck he and fred armison have documentary now and maybe set mire's involved in that too right the three of them yeah anyways documentary now is hysterical he will also be in it chapter two coming this fall he's very attractive you felt very attracted to him i already did and then i still do and it was confirmed in the room yeah he's quite attractive and he's got rhythm as we get into oh yeah in this wonderful episode of Armchair Expert with Bill Hader.

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[17] So, Bill, I'm so excited you're here.

[18] We've been wanting to have you since the very beginning.

[19] That's awesome.

[20] I put you in the forte category.

[21] I think you're so talented.

[22] Oh, thank you, man. And you're also so nice.

[23] I remember meeting you at Saturday Night Live years and years ago when I was visiting.

[24] And you were just one of those people that was super nice and found five seconds, even though you didn't have five seconds.

[25] And Darcy.

[26] Oh, Darcy, I love you.

[27] Darcy.

[28] Darcy is the best.

[29] There's a weird thing happening here, which is Monica started out nannying for Kristen and I. Oh, wow.

[30] And she now runs Kristen's entire life and writes everything.

[31] does and then she also does this podcast.

[32] Oh, that's awesome.

[33] So for folks that don't know, Darcy Cardin was your nanny for a minute, right?

[34] She was our nanny, oh my gosh, for about three or four years, and she was great.

[35] And then I was still in New York, and then she moved to L .A. with Jason Cardin, her husband, is one of the greatest guys in the world.

[36] Not to mention one of the handsomest sons of bitches.

[37] Super good looking guy.

[38] And also, he now works for Seth Myers, a Seth Meyer's company, and he's doing amazing.

[39] But Jason used to help out.

[40] on the S &L Digital Shorts.

[41] Oh, right, right.

[42] So he was always on the set of the SNL Digital Shorts, and always you would have female cast members or people in the makeup, hair and wore a joke, going, who is that guy?

[43] Yes.

[44] Getting you coffee.

[45] Who's that certified 10 that just who you just said?

[46] And I'm like, oh, it's Jason Gordon.

[47] Darcy told us that he was so gorgeous.

[48] She just quickly assessed it as like, he's so far in my league.

[49] I'm just going to be me. And I think she burped in front of him right out of the game.

[50] And then I think it was like that perfect trick of mind that you can do for an audition where you're like, oh, I'll never get this.

[51] So who gives a fuck?

[52] Oh, yeah.

[53] The minute you don't care is when it all happens.

[54] You get so hot, don't you?

[55] Yeah.

[56] To everyone.

[57] To everybody.

[58] They're like, wow, they want nothing to do with me. Yeah.

[59] I like.

[60] I like this.

[61] And now I'm like on that other end of it.

[62] And I do that.

[63] You used to come to it.

[64] Yeah.

[65] It's like some writer will come in and go, I've never seen the show.

[66] I'm not really into your stuff on Saturday, I'm like, oh, yeah?

[67] Well, what's your quote?

[68] Well, I'll triple it.

[69] I don't need to read your stuff.

[70] What's going on mentally?

[71] Is it just triggering this evolutionary thing where they must be higher status than me because they don't want anything to do with me, so now I want that.

[72] Or are you going, oh, this person's going to be honest and add a layer to the show?

[73] Yeah, I think that's what it is, with me at least.

[74] It's always like, oh, they're being real with me. Oh, okay.

[75] I appreciate that.

[76] You need another person to go, no, they're assholes.

[77] Right, right.

[78] They're just a jerk.

[79] And you go, oh, really?

[80] No, they were like, you're ugly.

[81] And it's like, yeah.

[82] But even if that's true, that's a shitty thing to say to somebody.

[83] No, but I think with Darcy and Jason is that they just are these two beautiful people that found each other.

[84] And, you know, you would just go like, oh, it's so cool that those two found each other.

[85] Yeah.

[86] Their family.

[87] I mean, they are.

[88] It's like what you're saying.

[89] I mean, it's their family.

[90] People go like, oh, she was your nanny.

[91] It's more like, no, she's kind of a part of my family, you know.

[92] There's an implicit low status thing or something.

[93] embarrassing and just about the words.

[94] I don't like saying I have a nanny.

[95] Nanny doesn't want to say he or she is a nanny.

[96] The whole thing seems so murky, right, Monica?

[97] Yeah, because one time we got in a big thing because Dax on a podcast called me his babysitter.

[98] This was a long time ago.

[99] Well, my child's babysitter.

[100] Although you are very much.

[101] And then I heard it and I was like, I don't like it when you refer to me as that.

[102] But that's what I was doing.

[103] But I didn't feel like it covered the real relationship.

[104] and I didn't like that.

[105] But it's like, who cares?

[106] But then I quickly owned up to the fact that I was embarrassed to say I have a nanny.

[107] So I was like, oh, babysitter's part -time.

[108] I don't seem super highfalutin to have a couple days a week.

[109] I need someone.

[110] Yeah, you kind of go, like, I have a babysitter.

[111] It's not a full -blown nanny.

[112] Just like everyone has babysitter.

[113] Come on.

[114] Right.

[115] I'm the same way you are, and I'll say we have a wonderful woman.

[116] Now it works for us named Susie, and I will always be like, this is Susie, you know, and I never.

[117] You know, it's like, label her.

[118] Yeah, you don't want to be like, yeah, she's the help.

[119] Yeah.

[120] You know, don't look her in the eye.

[121] If you want to ask her something, just run it by me. And then I'll tell you, it's a good time to talk to Suez.

[122] When Darcy was under your employee, were you immediately already knew she was into comedy?

[123] This is, I think, really impressive.

[124] She was just like this cool lady around my house.

[125] Yeah.

[126] I didn't know she was funny.

[127] And I remember she never would say, can I get a ticket to S &M.

[128] Sure.

[129] She didn't do any monolog.

[130] for you or anything?

[131] She wouldn't really talk about it with me at all, and it wasn't until three years later that Polar asked if I would come do monologues at ASCat, and Darcy kind of sheepishly said, hey, I just want you know I'm going to be at ASCat.

[132] I just want to warn you.

[133] I'm performing at ASCat tonight, I hope you know.

[134] And that there should have given me a clue that she wasn't just taking class.

[135] Right, right.

[136] I was like, oh, you're performing with Seth and Amy and all these people in AzKat.

[137] kept.

[138] And that was the first time I saw.

[139] It was her and Zach Woods.

[140] It was the first time I ever seen either of them perform.

[141] And I did monologues.

[142] I sat down and watched them perform.

[143] And I was just knocked out by both of them.

[144] And then I just, when we're going home, just being like, Darcy's a genius.

[145] Our babysitter.

[146] She's a genius.

[147] And then when I finally had a chance with Barry, we had this acting class.

[148] I was like, oh, well, we got to put Darcy Cardin in there someplace thinking, yeah, we're going to give her her big break.

[149] right and then he was like oh cool you know I'm doing this other show I'll try to work it around my good schedule I was like by the way did you happen to see I'm not to put you on the spot but she had her own episode Janet's I've seen it three times isn't it incredible she's insane in that episode I this moment where I do like James Corden you know when you go on the back and there's all those pictures of all the guests there's like a little photo booth there and you go in you oh cool and I'm back there about to go out and I look up and there's Darcy's pitcher in between Justin Timberlake and all these other people.

[150] It made me so happy seeing that.

[151] I was just like, wow, she did that and did it through a lot of hard work and being crazy talented, but just being a very genuine good person.

[152] And do you have this experience where, like, I can enjoy Monica's success way more than I can my own?

[153] I get more excited for other people's.

[154] I know that's such a thing that people go, yeah, sure, right.

[155] But it really is because I get very excited for somebody that, like, Darcy, who I felt like did it right and deserves it.

[156] And I remember I had to take, do you guys ever had to take prednisone before?

[157] Yep.

[158] It's awful.

[159] Oh, absolutely.

[160] And it's a steroid to help with inflammation.

[161] I was on a lot for a little bit there.

[162] And apparently you're not supposed to drink when you're on prednisone.

[163] Okay.

[164] I had some tequila and basically got the makings of an ulcer in my stomach.

[165] Ooh.

[166] My ex was out of town, and I was called Darcy, and I was like, I need you to come over here to watch the kid.

[167] As I was like, I laid on the floor in the fetal position just calling my doctor.

[168] I was up all night, everything.

[169] But that's like, just imagining that nice girl showed up and was like, where is she?

[170] Okay, are you okay?

[171] Do you want me to go get this?

[172] Do you need milk?

[173] Do you want me to go?

[174] I can go to a bodega.

[175] I mean, it's two in the morning.

[176] Right.

[177] One time, my kid hit her head and she started bleeding and I passed out.

[178] You passed out.

[179] passed her.

[180] Okay.

[181] Oh, wow.

[182] Oh, wow.

[183] And I just handed her to Darcy.

[184] I'm passing it.

[185] I just fell down and so Oh, no, now she has to deal with the kid and you.

[186] And she just and me. And it concussed you.

[187] I couldn't handle seeing a kid hurt.

[188] And it happens kind of frequently.

[189] They do it.

[190] Now, you're from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[191] Yeah.

[192] I don't know that I know anyone from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[193] There's not a lot of Tulsa Oklahomans out there.

[194] Yeah.

[195] Gary Bussey's from Tulsa.

[196] Okay.

[197] Tripperhorns from Tulsa.

[198] Oh, Triplehorn.

[199] Yeah, I met Ben Stiller when I was 16 through her.

[200] She was in Waterworld, right?

[201] She was in Waterworld and Basic Instinct.

[202] She was in the great Mormon show, the HBO.

[203] Oh, yes.

[204] Oh, Big love?

[205] Big love.

[206] Thank you.

[207] Anyway, her best friend's son and I were good friends.

[208] And so I went over to their house for Thanksgiving one time when I was 16, and there was Gene Ture born and Ben Stiller.

[209] No. Oh, wow.

[210] And I was like, whoa.

[211] And so I had made like a little short film and I ran home.

[212] I got it.

[213] Unlike Garcy, I was like, watch my thing.

[214] And they were like, ew.

[215] But they did.

[216] They actually did.

[217] And then Ben and Gene, they took me to see me and my friend to go see Casino.

[218] They did?

[219] Yeah, they were so sweet.

[220] This is a very lovely story.

[221] Yeah, they were very nice.

[222] I don't know if you had that thing where you kind of go, oh, there's this weird attainable.

[223] Like, I just met them and they're kind of normal and they're not from another planet or something.

[224] Because when you're in Tulsa, you think that.

[225] I couldn't agree.

[226] It was an entire different universe.

[227] Like, you could see a local newscaster occasionally, and that was huge.

[228] Like, seeing Bill Bonds stumble out of a bar drunk and getting his corvette.

[229] And you're like, whoa.

[230] You see, that was him.

[231] Yes.

[232] And it was funny.

[233] When I got Saturday Live, I remember me and Andy Sandberg would always do interviews together because we came in together.

[234] And they go, oh, would you ever know you would be on SNL?

[235] And Andy was like, well, you know, I knew it was, you know, like a possibility I could possibly do this.

[236] And I was just like, no. Like, are you kidding?

[237] There's no version of that that I could ever imagine that you could be allowed to do it.

[238] So I think not growing up on the coast of California, New York, meeting Ben and Jeannie at that time was a huge thing for me of, oh, I've been weirdly anointed of, hey, man, that thing you made was pretty good.

[239] Yeah.

[240] And I was like, I'm moving to L .A. Can I grab your number?

[241] Can I stay with you?

[242] And they were like, no. So back in Tulsa, your dad, to me. me sounds like an incredibly interesting person he owned an air freight company at one point he was a truck driver he managed a restaurant and he also did stand -up yeah yeah this is what a guy yeah my parents had me super young my mom was 20 and my dad was 23 uh -huh and so there was no like oh it's a kid show we should watch this we watched whatever they were watching right and went to wherever they wanted to go which was kind of awesome so i remember going to weird stand -up show things and hanging out in the back, being really young, but it was in Tulsa, you know.

[243] Sure.

[244] But you would have people like Sam Kinnison and Bill Hicks.

[245] But now your dad, when he would do stand -up, like, how seriously was he taking it?

[246] It was, oh, wouldn't it be fun to do this?

[247] And then he had three kids, and I just think it was, I got to make money.

[248] It was more of a hobby than a pursuit.

[249] Yeah, yeah.

[250] It was kind of a cool thing because he couldn't help but be kind of creative.

[251] I remember just hanging out when I was a kid when he was a truck driver and you'd hang out what these other truck drivers, and they would talk about everything from Airwolf or whatever it was on TV.

[252] But also, I remember them telling about of mice and men.

[253] I remember, I go, I have to read of mice and men for school.

[254] And I was, like, in fifth grade.

[255] And they went, oh, Lenny and George in the butt.

[256] Oh, really?

[257] These guys talking about.

[258] Steinbeck.

[259] Yeah.

[260] You didn't have to be some sort of intellectual to enjoy this stuff.

[261] It was very kind of just regular people being touched by what would be considered high art. Now, do you and your dad have a similar disposition?

[262] He's more of like a man, and I'm not.

[263] Well, I just started picturing the guy on the brawny paper towel.

[264] I don't know, everyone just really likes my dad.

[265] He came to the Barry premiere and everyone, oh, my God, I love your dad, you know, because he's just very personable.

[266] And mom was a dancer?

[267] She was a dance teacher, yeah.

[268] Well, don't you first have to be a dancer to teach a dancer or no?

[269] No, I think.

[270] Rock it right into it.

[271] Oh, wow.

[272] She's walked in out the street.

[273] So I could teach surgery, perhaps.

[274] Them to go there.

[275] Yeah, yeah, she was a dancer and then taught dance in Tulsa.

[276] One of my first jobs was working in the little boutique in the dance studio.

[277] Okay.

[278] So I had to, like, be behind the cash register.

[279] Selling, like, leotards and stuff when I was very, very young.

[280] I just remember being terrified of them showing me how to do a cash register, which still makes me nervous.

[281] There's a theme, and I love your Stern interview.

[282] From that interview, I know that you had, like, tremendous amount of anxiety.

[283] during SNL, which we'll talk about.

[284] But were you anxious as a kid?

[285] Yeah.

[286] It was all below the surface and would kind of come out being goofy and funny.

[287] And I realized that I could become comfortable in a situation was by being funny or just being weird, being loud.

[288] It would kind of break the tension.

[289] But yeah, and I would talk a lot when I'm really nervous.

[290] I met George Saunders and Tobias Wolf once.

[291] You met Tobias Wolf?

[292] They like two of my favorite writers.

[293] Yeah.

[294] I met them and I don't think they got a word in it.

[295] I was just going to say, but whatever, when you wrote this and you did this and just like laughing the whole time and everything, like, all right, all right.

[296] Where did you meet them?

[297] George and I have been corresponding.

[298] We had never met each other and he said, well, do you want to come up to San Francisco?

[299] And I said, yeah, man. And he goes, oh, Toby will come join us for dinner.

[300] Oh, wow.

[301] And he goes, oh, actually, we're going to have it at his house.

[302] And I was like, whoa.

[303] Oh.

[304] I just never stop speaking.

[305] And do you beat yourself up pretty bad when that happens?

[306] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[307] It's a thing that I've very consciously been working on, internalize it and then speak.

[308] Do you think it was that nature of yours was just genetic biochemical, or do you think your situation that you felt like was giving you anxiety?

[309] When you grow up in Tulsa and you play sports and you enjoy it, but you're doing anything you're kind of supposed to do, but then you also, yeah, I really like movies and I don't really like paying attention in school.

[310] And as I got in high school, especially, I don't care about doing drugs and drinking or not that I think it's bad.

[311] It's not like some Puritan thing.

[312] I just, I'd rather be doing something else.

[313] But I also want to be social.

[314] I want friends.

[315] But it gave me this anxiety that comes with trying to just be yourself, a lot of self -doubt, insecurity.

[316] Right.

[317] And so in the insecurity, mine was mostly physical.

[318] Like, I was like, I just hate how I look and this is better change or I'm going to have to get some help surgically or something.

[319] Mine was more of, I'm not bright.

[320] Oh.

[321] Everybody's doing good in school.

[322] I'm not.

[323] Do you think you had a learning disability?

[324] I think I had really bad anxiety and I would spin out for any test, any sort of homework.

[325] Everything was overwhelming.

[326] Right.

[327] Everything was too overwhelming.

[328] Next Friday we have a chemistry test.

[329] I would just say, well, I'm just not going to do it.

[330] I'm just not going to study for it.

[331] I'm just going to blow this up.

[332] Right.

[333] I remember my SATs.

[334] I just put my name on it.

[335] Turn it in.

[336] Bye, everybody.

[337] And I walked out.

[338] And it was, I just can't handle this.

[339] A lot of it, looking back, I now realize, was anxiety.

[340] Right.

[341] I thought you were so great in train wreck.

[342] You're my favorite part in that your performance allowed for everything to be crazy around you.

[343] You were the anchor of that movie.

[344] More importantly, for me, you can't really fake being good with women.

[345] I don't think you can fake it.

[346] I watch actors do it all the time, and I'm like, oh, they're being charming, but I can feel them in real life.

[347] They don't have confidence.

[348] And when I watched that movie, I went, oh, Bill's got rhythm.

[349] He knows how to talk to ladies, and he's confident with ladies.

[350] Were you in high school?

[351] Were you able to, like, talk to women?

[352] Yeah, I liked the same girlfriend for seven years.

[353] I met in high school all through her college.

[354] I didn't really go to college.

[355] And we're still good friends.

[356] So in Train Rec, Amy and I became good friends.

[357] I would go watch her do stand up.

[358] we were just buddies.

[359] And I think that reads.

[360] I just remembered the exact moment for me I'm actually talking about it.

[361] It's when you tell her, no, no, no, no, I like you.

[362] And I think you like me. Oh, yeah.

[363] Like, you're stopping her from freaking out.

[364] And that was the actual delivery where I was like, you can either say that in real life or you can.

[365] What I saw was, oh, Bill, I think in real life, can be vulnerable, but not needy.

[366] Well, that came from Amy's life.

[367] She had a guy do that to her.

[368] And I remember her saying, well, the guy, when he said it to me, and she just did it.

[369] And I was like, oh, okay.

[370] And then just did what she did.

[371] Right.

[372] So maybe it's Amy that's got all this rhythm.

[373] I think Amy's got the rhythm.

[374] I'm just doing what she's doing.

[375] But no, really, just to be honest, I think because I grew up with two sisters.

[376] I grew up next door to my grandparents.

[377] I was like around my mom and my grandmother and two sisters like all the time.

[378] I was just surrounded by women.

[379] I felt very comfortable.

[380] And also hearing them.

[381] talk about men, my sisters, and their friends.

[382] And it was like, oh, yeah, just be friends.

[383] Like, just hang out and be friends together and not play any games.

[384] Yeah.

[385] Did you find that for me, I think this is universal.

[386] I don't think I'm terminally unique in this, but I found so much comfort in a relationship early on, just because so much of the world made me nervous.

[387] I had aspirations that I didn't think I'd ever achieve.

[388] It felt extra good to me to have a safe little bubble that you can have in a relationship.

[389] I did enjoy being in a relationship as opposed to casual, more of like a, we're together, like the guy in that scene.

[390] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[391] But yeah, so I've always been with somebody.

[392] Yeah.

[393] You did shitty in school, and then you went for a minute to a community college.

[394] Art Institute of Phoenix, and then I went to Costel Community College, and people go, oh, so you're from Arizona?

[395] Yeah, right.

[396] No. Then they go, why did you go to Arizona?

[397] I go, I don't know.

[398] I really don't know.

[399] But interesting, David Spade also went to Scottsdale Community College.

[400] I just saw him a while back.

[401] And I was like, you know, I also went to Scottsil Community College.

[402] He was like, what?

[403] But is he from there?

[404] Yeah, he's from there.

[405] It makes sense.

[406] Now, you moved in 99 to L .A. And you quickly became a P .A. So did you think initially you were going to try to pursue acting?

[407] Or did you think you were going to try to direct or write?

[408] Or did you even know?

[409] I wanted to direct and write acting was never.

[410] really a part of it and I thought I'll get on sets I'll meet people I'll learn how this works and I'll be writing and then what I found out was oh it's like 18 hour days right and then the money I had left over was just enough to pay for bills and food and stuff so it was like well I have to go get another job right now you know I can't you did it for a while though right yeah I did it from 1999 to about 2001 a PA is a production assistant and it's really the person who gets shit on the very most if you had to isolate a single department on a movie set the pas are doing what no one else wants to do no i was curious seeing that you had done it for so long i have to imagine that's impacted your behavior as an actor oh 100 percent it's mostly just a respect issue you had certain people who maybe came in to it and they don't understand the amount of work that goes into making this stuff sure everybody here is busting their ass and they've been here longer than you and all these other things and so it's just kind of you know uh telling an actor like hey man your scene got moved to the end of the day you know and that actor yells at me and then gets in their car and drives off and i'm like uh and then i have to go to my boss and go uh he just drove off so he's gone what and it's like yeah he left did he say he's going to come back i'm like i don't know he called me a fuckhead and then he got in his car and he left so that's that stuff did happen to you.

[411] Yeah, very rarely.

[412] Most everybody was very nice.

[413] It's complicated because on one side, I'm like, this is the worst job here.

[414] God bless these folks for working so hard.

[415] On the other side, I hate being followed somewhere and someone whispering into a microphone, Dax's 10 -100, meaning Dax is peeing right now.

[416] Yeah, right.

[417] Like there's an infanelizing of it that rubs me the wrong way.

[418] But I actually have to think, hey, this isn't this person's fault.

[419] Also, what I realize is that it's like anything is that have been actors like the guy who just left right and if you don't have a PA there then the guy just leaves you don't have someone following that guy around yeah yes and so that dude fucks it for all for all of us everybody go actors are babies yeah after you follow around i worked on lateral damage of arm swartzenegger and i was the base camp pa on that bill how's your weekend yeah how's your weekend did you get did you get laid he has a weird studded word i think it's the translation he would say to me once he's in the jungle and he's grilling and he would be like this is the same this is the same jungle we shot predator in and i go oh cool he's grilling schnitzel and he goes i would have schnitzel flown in for all the guys every week and i go oh cool and he would go carwethers he liked the schnitzel he liked the schnitzel.

[420] Bill Duke.

[421] He liked the schnitzel.

[422] And by this point he's talking to no one because I'm just kind of like, are you talking to me or are you not?

[423] He's just kind of talking to like...

[424] Or just doing like a memory exercise?

[425] Yeah, there's a memory exercise.

[426] Shane Black, he liked the chitl.

[427] He's like, director, John McTian, wouldn't have it.

[428] He hated the snitchells.

[429] He was on the diet.

[430] And I was like, oh.

[431] I'm sorry.

[432] That was just funny, but you would have people treat you bad or you would watch them treat other people bad.

[433] I think what helped me as an actor and now directing and producing all this other stuff is that there's a chain of command, but there should be like a chain of respect.

[434] And it's like if you're kind of cool with everybody and everyone's kind of relaxed, I would work on a movie and the director would be tense and freaked out and angry.

[435] And everyone's tense.

[436] Yeah.

[437] And really a top down.

[438] Totally.

[439] And I worked on the first spider.

[440] man the one with Toby McGuire was a PA on that and I remember Sam Ramey you know that I was that guy Sam's going outside of a cigarette you got to go follow him right you know right so I would have to go and be the guy spy on him and I remember him just sitting there smoking his cigarette and not looking at me and then just offering me one oh and just going like we don't have to talk but do you want one since you got to be out here we both got to be out here yeah now you you smoked at one point it smoked from when I was 15 until I was Honey, nine.

[441] Okay, I'm 15 to 30.

[442] I'm right there with you.

[443] And now, did you have ticks as a kid?

[444] Oh, yeah, constantly drumming, clicking.

[445] You know, like the carpet here has lines.

[446] I would do things where I would skip across the lines, or if, like, I'm driving and you see sign coming, it was like, how many times can I go like this before it passes?

[447] Oh, uh -huh.

[448] Like, it's like weird little ticks.

[449] Yeah, and I think cigarettes was helpful for that.

[450] That, and then what I was having, problem with was that I would smoke at Saturday Night Live and there was a couple of people who smoked there.

[451] Daryl Hammond was one.

[452] I would go into his dressing room, we'd have a cigarette before a show.

[453] And then I get migraines and so I was getting my migraines were getting really bad.

[454] You had to be helped out on stage at one point.

[455] Yeah, Sadecas had to hold on to my arm.

[456] Because you couldn't see, right?

[457] I couldn't see, yeah.

[458] Sadacus held onto my arm.

[459] I was playing a guy that I had a lawn dart through my hand, I remember.

[460] And we were backstage.

[461] It was Appalachian emergency room my first season.

[462] Oh, I remember that one.

[463] And, and, Neil Young and Johnny Knoxville were backstage with us.

[464] And I just remember going like, I can't see anything in today.

[465] Because it's like, don't worry, man. I'll walk you to your mark and then I'll walk you off, you know.

[466] And I was like, okay, I'm going to, I might throw up out there and all this.

[467] And, you know, there's someone like Neil Young being like, you know, there's stuff you can take for that, man, you know.

[468] And I can't see him, but I can hear him.

[469] Oh, geez.

[470] And I'm like, oh, wow.

[471] And this is how I fucking meet Neil Young.

[472] Are you serious?

[473] I can't see anything.

[474] I'm going to, like, vomit on him.

[475] And so I went out and did it, and then I just went up to my office and put an ice pack and laid there, and I couldn't talk, everything.

[476] Oh, God.

[477] Finally, I got out of there, and I was like, how did it go?

[478] And they went, great.

[479] Andy and their short film went awesome.

[480] And it was the night, Lazy Sunday plane.

[481] Oh, you're kidding.

[482] So I missed that entire episode, Jack Black.

[483] It was the night Forte did the Spelling Bee sketch, which is one of the best sketches ever.

[484] That whole night, I was in, like, a freaking migraine stupor.

[485] Wow.

[486] What's the physiology of a migraine?

[487] Do you know what's happening?

[488] It's like an electrical charge that goes across your brain.

[489] I tend to look at my hand.

[490] I'll kind of spread all my fingers out.

[491] If I look at my middle finger, I'll just go, oh, I can only see two fingers.

[492] Oh, boy.

[493] And I go, ah, shit, one's coming.

[494] It's coming.

[495] I have so many weird ailments.

[496] I have that.

[497] I have a nut allergy.

[498] I have all these things.

[499] So I usually have a little bag that I'm just shit next to me. When did the migraine start?

[500] What age?

[501] I was in third grade.

[502] I remember I was basketball practice in third grade.

[503] And I thought I was dying.

[504] I was like, I can't see anything.

[505] I can't see anything.

[506] And I started freaking out and crying.

[507] And I'm like, I don't know what's going on.

[508] And then my mom was like, I'm so sorry if you have migraines because I have them.

[509] Oh, it's genetic.

[510] Yeah, it was a genetic thing.

[511] So because of that, I remember going to a doctor going, well, I don't want that to happen again.

[512] Because I happened again a couple of days later, I got stroke symptoms and had to be rushed to the ER.

[513] I can't speak.

[514] Oh, my gosh.

[515] And I went to the ER and then he goes, do exercise?

[516] I was like, no. He goes, you smoke cigarettes?

[517] He goes, well, yeah.

[518] Caffeine, a couple thousand coffees a day?

[519] Yeah.

[520] Uh -huh.

[521] And so I've been able to switch everything around except for the caffeine.

[522] That was the tougher one.

[523] I'm still kind of a slave to that.

[524] Me too.

[525] I was delighted to see you wanted a cup of coffee when you got here.

[526] Because I generally have to shut it down at like two, if I have any shot of going to bed.

[527] Oh, yeah.

[528] And so when I see someone be brazen and reckless like you, for me, it's like watching, like, Travis Pistrana do backflips, like, holy shit, Bill's drinking, it's four.

[529] He's going to fucking do it.

[530] Yeah, man, that's what we know.

[531] We're just at an age now.

[532] It's like, man, I had coffee at four.

[533] And it's like, let him on my head.

[534] Oh, totally.

[535] So you were a P .A. for a while, the Scorpion King was your last.

[536] Yeah.

[537] And you quit being a P .A. after that.

[538] I went crazy on that one.

[539] Hours were crazy.

[540] We were there shooting this movie, yeah, with The Rock.

[541] And it was all night.

[542] Ooh.

[543] And I remember driving home.

[544] And I started falling asleep, and I pulled over the side of the road, and I just passed out.

[545] And cars were just, and I got to go to a hotel.

[546] I pulled into this hotel.

[547] I go in, and I go, I need a room.

[548] I'm making no sense.

[549] And the woman's crying.

[550] Oh, boy.

[551] And I go, what happened?

[552] And she goes, this woman just murdered her children.

[553] And she was watching the Andrea Yates thing on TV.

[554] And I started crying.

[555] I was like, well, like the world was ending.

[556] I was like, what's going on?

[557] I go, what is happening?

[558] And she goes, I don't know.

[559] And I go, can I get a room?

[560] She's like, yes.

[561] I was like, great.

[562] I was running my room, and I just, like, got into the covers.

[563] I was like, everybody just fuck off.

[564] This is terrible.

[565] What is happening in the world right now?

[566] And I remember waking up, turned the TV back on, and it was the movie The January Man with Kevin Klein.

[567] Yes.

[568] And I took a shower, and I watched some of the January man, and then I just went, I don't want to be a PA anymore.

[569] I got to figure something else out.

[570] I have to make stuff.

[571] But it was something about what transpired mentally for me. Well, you're not getting closer to anything.

[572] You're not getting closer to anything as a perfect way to put it.

[573] You're like, I'm not being creative at all.

[574] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[575] We've all been there.

[576] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[577] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[578] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[579] Hey, listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[580] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[581] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[582] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[583] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[584] What's up, guys?

[585] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good, and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[586] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[587] And I don't mean just friends.

[588] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[589] The list goes on.

[590] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[591] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[592] And then you ended up, you saw the show at the improv?

[593] At the Second City, L .A., yeah.

[594] And then you started taking classes there.

[595] And did you go to, like, I guess UCB wasn't out here yet?

[596] No. Do you go to ground lanes?

[597] I tried to get into ground lanes.

[598] I tried to get into ground lanes.

[599] I did like some preliminary audition and I didn't get in.

[600] And so I was like, well, I'll go over to the second city.

[601] By the way, what a great.

[602] How embarrassing for the ground.

[603] What a great.

[604] I love stories like that.

[605] And then I went over to Second City and there was no audition.

[606] I just got in.

[607] And the guy in the group was Matt Offerman, his brother's Nick Offerman.

[608] And this is a crazy part of your story that I didn't know.

[609] Did you know this part of history?

[610] So you form like a four -man comedy troupe.

[611] We didn't even get the theater.

[612] We were in backyards.

[613] Oh, really?

[614] We would just, in Van Nuys, Matt had a house in Van Nuys.

[615] And we would just do shows in the backyard.

[616] So who was in the group?

[617] Well, Nick Arfman's brother.

[618] And then a guy named Mel Cowan, who now does less.

[619] Oh, at UCB, yeah.

[620] And then a guy named Eric Philpkowski.

[621] And a guy named J .J. Abrams.

[622] And a guy named Steven Spielberg.

[623] And then we figured it out.

[624] But Eric Philpkowski, I should mention.

[625] I was working as a post -P -A on a show called The Surreal Life.

[626] And he was a transcriber on that show.

[627] And he goes, oh, you should come my level five show.

[628] And I go, what's that?

[629] Oh, whoa.

[630] Comedy.

[631] It was like, oh, I could perform comedy.

[632] Yeah.

[633] Before that, I was trying to be an atour filmmaker.

[634] That's where the goal was.

[635] And I went, oh, maybe I'll try this.

[636] Yeah.

[637] But what's crazy is, I'm assuming, because Nick's brother was in the group, Megan saw you guys perform.

[638] She came to Second City, L .A. So she saw me actually in our level five show.

[639] And it was, you know how improv shows go?

[640] She happened to come on a night where I, was hot.

[641] Yeah.

[642] She would have come to the show afterwards.

[643] I sucked.

[644] She just happened to come to the right show.

[645] Dude, improv is so that way.

[646] You can be a 10 one night and a fucking one the next night.

[647] Zero.

[648] It's kind of great.

[649] It kind of makes you feel alive for sure.

[650] Yeah, it does.

[651] And then she saw me and that.

[652] And then she told Lauren Michaels about me. And so then Lauren wanted to see the show.

[653] So she saw him.

[654] Yeah.

[655] And then she had to put some effort into getting Lauren's ear to say you need to see this guy I saw.

[656] Yeah, that was crazy.

[657] But I was an assistant editor on Iron Chef America, and I remember at the time, and she called me to say, hey, I talked to Lauren Michaels.

[658] One, that she was calling me, and then two, it was like, I talked to Lauren Michaels, and she goes, well, so who do I talk to?

[659] Michael, me?

[660] There's no one.

[661] I don't have anybody.

[662] My mom, I guess.

[663] I got, like, no manager.

[664] So then I went out, and I just talked to Lauren, and I met him, and he was, do you know where you're here?

[665] And I said, that, I'm going to make him.

[666] Maloney and he was like I was on a boat once and there was a guy who was funny the way the Bill Murray's funny and I thought to myself I know Bill Murray and I went and the story and then he said when are you leaving and I go yes today and he goes no you should stay tomorrow and watch the show and so if you watch Tofer Grace is hosting if you watch Jason Sedakas who was a writer at the time stands up in the audience during the monologue to ask a question and you see me standing in the back me, like, wide -eyed, like, I can't believe I'm at S &L.

[667] It's so insane.

[668] And I just was like, this is never going to happen.

[669] And it's kind of what we were talking about earlier.

[670] I was just like, there's no, I'm from Oklahoma.

[671] There's no way this is going to happen, so I was totally calm.

[672] Also, at that point, you must have some awareness of how the general feeder for S &L is.

[673] You're on main stage at Second City, Chicago or UCB or groundlings.

[674] This is not how it works.

[675] I went, oh, Dadaicus, he got hired before me, and I went, oh, that makes sense.

[676] Second City Main Stage.

[677] And then I knew they liked Kristen Whig.

[678] That makes sense.

[679] She's at Ground Lane's a Sunday company.

[680] And I just went, well, no fucking way.

[681] I'm enjoying the trip.

[682] Right.

[683] But it wasn't come out in audition.

[684] It was come out Meet Lorne.

[685] And then I came back.

[686] We heard, oh, he wants to see the show that Megan saw.

[687] And I go, whoa, that was an improv show.

[688] Unreplicatable.

[689] That's unreplicatable.

[690] I remember saying, can't we send them like a video?

[691] I'm sure someone took a video.

[692] And it's like, no, asshole.

[693] So that group then, me and Mel and Eric and Matt, did a show at Second City Theater for him.

[694] And then we blew the roof off the place.

[695] And then afterwards, I go, oh, man, and feeling really good.

[696] And he goes, were those all your friends in the audience?

[697] I go, yeah?

[698] Is that a problem?

[699] He's like, well, you know that you won't be there.

[700] You got to come to New York where they don't know you.

[701] Yeah.

[702] So they flew us out to New York.

[703] The whole team.

[704] The whole show again.

[705] Wow.

[706] And we did the show at UCB Theater on 26th Street.

[707] and in the front row was Amy and Tina.

[708] Oh, my, this is a nightmare.

[709] And Amy came backstage.

[710] She was so sweet and nice and just like, you know, good luck out there, guys, and, you know, bring a leg and everything.

[711] And I was like, oh, okay.

[712] And I was talking about smoking.

[713] I mean, I was a pack of cigarettes before.

[714] I was just smoking like crazy.

[715] I went out there.

[716] My first joke, nothing.

[717] Oh, boy.

[718] And the audience is a bunch of New York improvisers going, who the fuck are these guys?

[719] I'm going to add another layer, probably a lot of them students going, why the fuck are they on that stage?

[720] There's a process to be on that stage.

[721] Exactly.

[722] Fuck these guys.

[723] Fuck these guys.

[724] How's Lauren and see these assholes?

[725] Yeah.

[726] Who the fuck do they think?

[727] And I totally get that.

[728] And so I was going, oh, Jesus, I did my second thing and polar laughed.

[729] Uh -huh.

[730] And I'm putting money on it.

[731] She did not find it funny.

[732] Well, I will tell you right now, she did not find it funny.

[733] She was helping me out.

[734] Yeah.

[735] And she laughed.

[736] make that whole room go.

[737] God, she's so sweet.

[738] Just calm down everybody.

[739] Like, these guys a chance.

[740] Like, just chill out.

[741] And she's the queen.

[742] So she gives permission.

[743] Especially at UCB.

[744] And so she laughed and it was kind of like the queen.

[745] Like, oh, Blitter found out that Bobby Moynihan was at that show.

[746] And I go, I felt like everyone hated it.

[747] Bobby's like, we did.

[748] We're like, who the fuck are these guys?

[749] But we won them over by the end.

[750] And then after that, I was like, I might actually fucking get this thing.

[751] This is wild.

[752] But that in itself wasn't your odd.

[753] No, then I had to do the official audition.

[754] So what's so weird to me about this process is Lauren is putting now so much time into it because he both met with you.

[755] Then he came all the way to L .A. and saw you.

[756] And now he goes to a second show.

[757] Yeah.

[758] And ultimately just for you to audition.

[759] I still to this day don't know what the method was.

[760] Was that super weird with the dynamic of the other people in your improv group?

[761] Like, were they like, we're helping you get this thing we all want?

[762] I'll tell you what.

[763] Man, those guys, uh, Mel.

[764] Matt, Eric, they the whole time were just like, man, let's just help them out.

[765] They always knew like, they're into Bill and let's help out.

[766] And the day after my last show, so I did my last show on SNL.

[767] That next day, I woke up.

[768] I called all those guys and I go, hey, man, I just want to say I'm through that experience and never would have happened without you.

[769] I just, I love those guys.

[770] It's like the Beatles helping John Lennon get taken away for a solo career.

[771] Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was just very self -ful.

[772] Now, I would have been doing that, but in my mind, I would have been like, I'm also going to steal the show and surprise everybody that I'm the one.

[773] Like, on paper, I'm helping Bill, but I most certainly.

[774] That's the more common, I would say.

[775] So now you get under the show.

[776] You've certainly earned it yet.

[777] I could see where if I'm you, I feel like, oh, shit, I sidestepped a few things.

[778] You must have entered with a bit of self -doubt.

[779] The whole time I was there.

[780] The whole time.

[781] Yeah, it wasn't until I remember my fourth season.

[782] Lauren said, hey, you can work here as long as you want, like, as a way to be like, will you please just relax?

[783] I didn't breathe for the first three years, pretty much.

[784] And then it's like when John Mullaney came in as a writer and Simon Rich and these people and I started like kind of feeling a little bit more comfortable.

[785] And then you get to this place.

[786] I did.

[787] I was lucky enough later, like my six or seventh season where the audience starts to kind of recognize you.

[788] Whereas before it was always Andy or Kristen or Amy or these other people.

[789] I was always supporting these people.

[790] And I was very happy to be in that place because I was learning from watching people like Amy.

[791] And another guy that doesn't get a lot of credit is Keenan Thompson.

[792] I was watching him because I was like, how was he so relaxed?

[793] How does he so calm?

[794] God, he gives so much in every performance.

[795] It's so easy for him.

[796] Yeah, he's so not rushed.

[797] No. He finds laughs and things that aren't there.

[798] Right.

[799] Like you read it and you're like, that's not a laugh.

[800] How did Keenan just get a laugh out of that?

[801] And I would watch that.

[802] Okay, how do you do that?

[803] For me, I just took it as a learning experience.

[804] And then really did my first season, I was so terrified.

[805] I mean, I kind of folded a bit and just kind of wasn't played up good sketches at the table, really in my head.

[806] It wasn't until Seth Myers came to me, and he could tell I was struggling.

[807] And he was like, okay, you know the Italian character you did in your audition?

[808] I was like, yeah, he's like, you should do that on the show, and you should make it a talk show.

[809] And I was like, everybody does talk shows on the show.

[810] Because it fucking works.

[811] Yeah, yeah.

[812] Presentational.

[813] Yeah.

[814] It'll be great.

[815] But you got to trust me on this, man. so why don't you come in here let's write it you know how nice of them and so he helped me out tremendously and we wrote the first venevedecchi sketch and we did it with julia louis and i remember after we did at the table you're kind of like oh no one notices that i'm batting zero you yeah right for i like had a hot stretch when i started and then i'm nothing and after we did that sketch the whole room applauded and i oh they've been noticing dude he needed that man I just remember Seth wrote me a little note at the table and passed it over, like, good job.

[816] For whatever reason, I don't know that I could articulate it, but you're someone that I think people root for.

[817] Oh, yeah.

[818] You can tell your kind and you want, I want you to do good.

[819] Oh.

[820] All that to say so, all that anxiety, the nerves, you had a panic attack during a sketch.

[821] Yeah, I was playing Julian Assange, and I had a full -onblown panic attack.

[822] Yeah, it was when Jeff Bridges was hosting.

[823] Oh, I love him.

[824] Side note.

[825] He's the best thing.

[826] He talked to me about it.

[827] Oh, he did.

[828] anxiety attack yeah and what did he say he was awesome he just said you know that's your buddy you know don't fight that oh put your arm around it that's your buddy man put your arm around it man it just fucking hang out man it's great it was the coolest thing of all time yeah like yeah no you're right he goes the more you push it the more it'll eat you up oh it's almost worth getting a panic attack to be talked down by jeff bridges what happened what happened with the panic attack where you couldn't breathe I feel like you're having a heart attack.

[829] And what I do, and I did it a lot on the show, is I want to put my hand over my face.

[830] I just start to put my hand over my mouth.

[831] My fistballs up.

[832] And Jenna, our stage manager, ran up, and she was next to the camera, and she was motioning me to put my hand down.

[833] She's like, put your hand down, you're putting your hand over your face.

[834] And I had this long monologue, and so I'm trying to do Julian Assange, but I keep putting my hand on her face.

[835] I remember afterwards sitting down and got in the makeup chair and started kind of crying about it.

[836] just felt bad at my job i just felt like a fuck did you've been here for how long and the shit's happening i always felt that some people thought i was just super dramatic oh right right like a drama queen over dramatic i can't go out there i just can't go out there i can't breathe you mustn't look at my face don't look at my face it's embarrassing right it's super embarrassing very insecure telling writers like maybe just cut that line i just wanted very few lines because I didn't want to be out there for very long.

[837] I wanted to get in and out.

[838] And then I would always get cast as a person running the thing.

[839] I was always like, and we're back for the 2010 debates.

[840] And now we have, you know, it was that thing.

[841] And I just was like, I can't do it.

[842] I'm sure drove the writer's nuts.

[843] I remember those guys going, Bill, can't you go out there by yourself and do this thing?

[844] And I was, no, no, I can't.

[845] Got to a place where I'm like, I have to have someone else out there.

[846] Right.

[847] I did Elliott Spitzer once and I got the flu afterwards.

[848] It was just me out there.

[849] Kristen was there, but she had no lines, but it was Elliot Spitz.

[850] they were giving an address.

[851] After it was finished, I started getting a fever.

[852] I just worked myself up into such a thing.

[853] And the writers just, I'm sure, I would do the same thing if I was then rolling their eyes like, God, what a fucking baby, Jesus.

[854] I was like, I have a problem.

[855] I'm trying to figure out here.

[856] And at any point were you seeking therapy or anything?

[857] Yeah, yeah.

[858] I went to therapy, and that was helpful.

[859] Going, what is it that you're afraid of?

[860] Is it messing up?

[861] Oh, maybe that's it.

[862] And so I would do little things of, if it said on the cue cards.

[863] Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I would go, ladies and gentlemen, how are we doing?

[864] You know, I would just do something that wasn't on it to make my brain go, you fucked up.

[865] Oh, we're still here.

[866] Oh, it's fine.

[867] Yeah, kind of like submersion therapy.

[868] Yeah.

[869] Ah, interesting.

[870] I had real legit thought that a light would fall on me, as crazy as that sounds like the lights will fall at some point.

[871] I thought, why isn't someone just running up and grabbing me on stage?

[872] I mean, it's really crazy.

[873] I would go, you know that can't.

[874] happened and I go right you know but then we did a sketch with Justin Bieber where a wall almost fell on him oh really so then you're validated good so then I go see yeah the wall almost fell on us like well it would have been great as if it fell and killed him and everyone would be panicking and there'd be a shot of you smiling really big yeah I knew I should be afraid of pointing at it and see you know it was it was the unpredictability of it which is what's exciting about it yes but You want control.

[875] On SNL, it's like, no, man. You're building a house of cards in the deck of a speeding boat.

[876] It's impossible.

[877] You just kind of go, well, man, I can't worry about all this other stuff.

[878] And I've held on to that, I think, past SNL, where it's like I could control my output, what I'm writing, and what I'm creating, and how I'm acting in other people's things.

[879] I can control that.

[880] Yeah.

[881] And I can control some of the input, whatever I'm reading, watching life I'm living to an extent, and who I choose to be around and do with my life.

[882] So despite all that on SNL, you were the first person nominated for an Emmy on that show since Eddie Murphy.

[883] Yeah, I mean, some of that might be Emmy rules stuff, too, because I think they changed the category.

[884] Don't downplay this.

[885] I'm just trying to help.

[886] I'm trying to say it.

[887] Oh, just own it.

[888] You were there for eight years.

[889] Was there any period of the eight years that were joyful?

[890] Oh, it was always joyful being with those people and being with one there.

[891] When the show wasn't on.

[892] When a show wasn't on, I was having the best time in my life.

[893] Right.

[894] Were you ever able to enjoy a live show?

[895] Yeah.

[896] Sometimes it was fun, but most times, though.

[897] Wow.

[898] Do you get sad about that?

[899] Yeah.

[900] And I would be sad real time.

[901] I would go back to my dressing room and the thing would kill and people would be applauding and loving the thing.

[902] And I'm like, just fucking enjoy this.

[903] It was always mad at myself that I couldn't let go in a way and just enjoy it.

[904] And you'd have insomnia, right?

[905] Yeah, I would stay up threatening Thursday, and I would fall asleep until Sunday.

[906] And do you still have a hard time sleeping?

[907] No, it was totally that.

[908] It was just that.

[909] Just that show, yeah.

[910] When you've gone back to host, does that anxiety resume?

[911] Oh, yeah, 100%.

[912] Yeah, last time I hosted Lauren came down and was like, can you please just relax and try to have fun?

[913] Just try to have fun.

[914] You own the stage.

[915] They clearly like you.

[916] Will you please just fucking have a good time?

[917] I'm like, just let me have my process.

[918] Because then there's this weird part of me that's like, it worked.

[919] And so maybe that's just my process.

[920] But I will say, I'll back up a bit, but you said, do you ever have fun on it?

[921] I will say my last two seasons, I would still get very nervous.

[922] But I found myself in sketches having a bit more fun, owning it a bit more, and that comes with just kind of confidence.

[923] But I still was having a hard time sleeping.

[924] I still would be really kind of jacked up.

[925] But I do wonder as well if you had mentally shifted because so much of that anxiety for me and fear comes from just broadcasting into the future.

[926] Like, I'm living in the future.

[927] Yeah.

[928] And so as you're making your way through SNL, you're like, you want to be there for a long time.

[929] Yeah.

[930] And I would imagine at a certain point, even you would have to acknowledge, I did it.

[931] I'm in year seven.

[932] Yeah.

[933] So maybe you could step out of the future a hair and just be a little more present.

[934] Yeah, that was a lot of it.

[935] I think also is just being from how I grew up in my personality, someone that any sort of ambition or anything, like you guys just called me on it of, hey, you won that Emmett?

[936] It's like, well, they changed the...

[937] My brain just kind of goes to that.

[938] Well, a braggart was maybe the worst thing you could be.

[939] Worst thing in the world.

[940] I could be in Tulsa.

[941] It's a dude going, fuck you, Hater.

[942] Come on, man. You know, it's like that dude sitting next to me. And you're like, hey, you want an Emmy?

[943] It's like, well, it was.

[944] The fucking rules were changed.

[945] Was it an Emmy?

[946] It wasn't an Emmy.

[947] Was it?

[948] You're going to tell me this guy's better than Will Ferrell?

[949] Fuck you, man. You know?

[950] And it's like, really?

[951] You give me a break.

[952] Give me a break, homie.

[953] So you left SNL, and I have to imagine, obviously, I would imagine someone like yourself had to have been pretty nervous quitting something that was stable.

[954] Yeah, but I think it was a time where it's like, you just feel like it's run its course.

[955] You start to realize it's like a bigger thing, but like life isn't like this one giant arc. It's like these little mini arc. chapters a thing begins and ends and everything and then so you kind of go like oh it's the ending of that thing and i'd rather go out feeling good and are you in real life similar to how you were on the show you have a fair amount of anxiety in life yeah about certain things but through therapy meditating just taking care of myself so that helped it's gotten a lot better through managing it right that jeff bridges thing of like put your arm around stop battling Stop battling it and go, oh, shit, I'm getting anxious.

[956] And there's this thing of take the narrative out of it.

[957] If you're angry or whatever, you go, I'm so anxious because, take out the because and just go, I'm anxious.

[958] Like, you just kind of hold it in your hand and go, oh, this is me anxious.

[959] You just say, well, I'm angry.

[960] And you just go, that's fine, just to be angry.

[961] And you just kind of sit down and go, well, I'm angry.

[962] No, no, no, no, don't.

[963] Like, just you're angry.

[964] And it'll pass.

[965] And then you go, oh, well, now I'm not that angry anymore.

[966] There are a couple things that I admire about you.

[967] One is, I'm curious where this comes from, you were smartly happy to play many small roles in great movies.

[968] Was it a conscious choice you made?

[969] Like, you were in super bad.

[970] That was my first moment.

[971] I was like, oh, he can act in movies because you really never know when you love someone from S &L.

[972] There's always like the first time you really see him in a movie, you're like, how's this going to go?

[973] And I was like, oh, this guy can do everything.

[974] Oh, sweet.

[975] But did you have options to leave?

[976] stuff and just said no i want to wait yeah what guided me was just is it good or not you know and just kind of like i like that i'm not into that and i remember an agent actually you know passed me off to another agent because because i was getting meetings for leading things kind of early but they were things that i wasn't really into i don't want to say what the name of the movie was but there was an agent where i got an email the email said let me get this straight instead of being in blank movie with blank actor for this amount of money you'd rather be in super bad with the guy who plays George Michael on Arrested Development for X amount of money and then I saw that email and I was like and then a year went by and Superbad came out and that movie came out and Superbad did great and then I replied yes oh you waited I waited until the movies came out and then I went yes oh that's perfect What a moment.

[977] That was one of those great.

[978] I was like, I wonder if I still have that email.

[979] And I was like, I do.

[980] And I was like, I'm going to respond to it.

[981] I was like, I think because I came into this wanting to write and direct and all those other things, the acting and performing, it was kind of like, I led with like movie nerd first.

[982] Normally I'm curious, like what actor someone thought they were trying to become.

[983] But it sounds like maybe you had more aspirations of like I want to be Hal Ashby or I want to be a need.

[984] Is there a career that you loved that you kind of, I was always just into the movie.

[985] I love reading about, when I was in high school, reading about Scorsese and Spielberg.

[986] Did you read Raging Bulls?

[987] Yeah, he did you writers, Raging Bulls.

[988] You know, I read this book, The Emperor and the Wolf, about Tashira Mahfuni and Akira Kurosawa that's like 900 pages, and I read it twice.

[989] I'm, like, just so into that world and these guys who made these movies that mean so much to me. It was always the movies and the people making them, And so doing the show, Barry, because it's about theater, I know nothing about it.

[990] I mean, so I'm always asking them.

[991] And I mean, I legit was directing an episode this past season.

[992] And I said, so you guys are going to go, which way is upstage, which way is downstage?

[993] And they were like, are you kidding?

[994] Yeah.

[995] I know nothing.

[996] Yeah.

[997] I'm like, I'm a movie nerd.

[998] By the way, I've been doing a multicam for a year.

[999] And I finally said to the director, literally three weeks ago, I'm like, I have camera left, camera right.

[1000] I know all that.

[1001] I'm like, up and down, I can't get it.

[1002] And he goes, oh, well, the stage used to be tilted towards the audience.

[1003] Oh, I see.

[1004] So it was higher and back and lower in front.

[1005] And then once I saw this, I'm like, okay, I finally fucking have it.

[1006] A year and a half later.

[1007] It makes sense.

[1008] Yes.

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] So when you decided to do Barry, what led to that decision to make that show at HBO?

[1011] I got off S &L and came to L .A. and had nothing.

[1012] And then I wanted to find something I could act in and possibly direct and things like that.

[1013] And then everybody, because of S &L, was just interested in it was mostly television stuff.

[1014] Right.

[1015] So I went to HBO, and I didn't have an idea.

[1016] But they had seen me in Skeleton Twins and said, we like you and that.

[1017] We would love to do a comedy that's more a comedy drama type of thing.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] We're kind of more interested in that than like a sketch thing.

[1020] There's this guy, Alec Berg, that we think you would get along with really well.

[1021] And so Alec and I just started hanging out, and we came up with an idea for a show that sucked that we worked on for like two months and then we both went, this blows and came up with this thing and it came out like a lot of good things.

[1022] I'm learning, if you go into something like, I'm going to make a show about the futility of violence.

[1023] Right.

[1024] The show's going to suck.

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] But if you go into it with like, oh, here's this guy who's lonely and looking for a community, oh, I can relate to that.

[1027] So is that emotion, if you can let that emotion I think just being, A guy who watches a lot of movies and stuff just can't help, but just want it to feel different.

[1028] But I look at it.

[1029] I mean, I just saw Vince Gilligan like three days ago.

[1030] And I was like, dude, I feel like we rip off Breaking Bad so bad on your show.

[1031] And he was like, oh, no, come on, man. Don't worry, Ben.

[1032] And I was like, ah, yeah.

[1033] Well, you know what I love about the show is I love anything where you can have violence that is violent, where it's violent and then it's hysterical at the same time.

[1034] That's my favorite kind of mashup.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] I'm borrowing this from Todd Phillips, but I saw an interview with him one time when they kind of asked him what his definition of comedy was.

[1037] And for him, it's danger.

[1038] Like, that's what is funny to him is danger.

[1039] And I relate to that a lot.

[1040] And I love that your show, when it does do violence, it doesn't ham it up.

[1041] And it's not super cutty.

[1042] It's very stale.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] It's a weird word to use.

[1045] It's clumsy.

[1046] Like, you know, you've seen a fight.

[1047] It's weird.

[1048] I would watch fights in life, and they never were as exciting as they were in the movie.

[1049] Right.

[1050] But they were somehow more dangerous and terrifying because of the banality of them.

[1051] Yes.

[1052] I remember guys getting into a fight once at a party.

[1053] And then the guy left and I could see through the window.

[1054] The guy got his ass kicked, walked out with his friend and went to his, and I saw him in the window, go to his bike.

[1055] And he took out something that was wrapped in a cloth and he started undoing it.

[1056] And I went, this guy has a gun.

[1057] We got to get out of here.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] But there wasn't any music that came on.

[1060] Right.

[1061] I could just see this thing and someone's having a banal conversation about what just happened and the other guy's laughing and they're getting ice for the guy or whatever.

[1062] And I just was like, we got to leave.

[1063] Yeah.

[1064] It wasn't a guy.

[1065] It was a knife.

[1066] He came back with a knife and everybody wouldn't let him in and it was this awful thing.

[1067] But you have those moments.

[1068] And after you're out of it, you go, I wish I had seen it more like that.

[1069] Yes.

[1070] You know, I think people heard what the show was about and they go, oh, this is going to be cute, kind of a glib thing about violence.

[1071] Right.

[1072] Don't get me wrong, I like those shows.

[1073] I thought for this, it's like, oh, let's make it, how it's affected this guy.

[1074] But it is a true test of directing, I think.

[1075] You certainly had the idea to execute it the way that you have.

[1076] But then doing it for the first time has to be a little bit addled with, like, when you were shooting the pilot, were you like, oh, boy, I hope I'm right about this.

[1077] Like, was there an inclination to get funny?

[1078] Or did you just think occasionally, like, maybe I should just cover my ass and, make it make this a little funny no that's a good question uh no again it's that thing i was saying earlier it's like it's about the thing and the way this piece of art to sound pretentious the way this will work is yet to be true to it you know and i think this is the only way to make it work and alecberg you know felt the same way so maybe the reason i felt so confident is i had alec there going like no this is good not that i wasn't walking back to my car at the end of the day going like did i get everything did that or was that too insane or was that whatever you know You know, what I learned on the show and still I'm figuring out is that so much of it is you write it kind of straight, you know, and you figure out the emotions and the logic and you get the story down.

[1079] And then it's almost like doing mystery science theater with your own material or you're kind of, you do it so many times and it's so serious and laborious that you can't help at start adding jokes because you're tired.

[1080] Yeah, of looking through it.

[1081] That helps, you know.

[1082] I completely agree.

[1083] That's exactly how I approach writing this like, I sit down and write a drama always first.

[1084] Because I'm sure your brain works this way too.

[1085] Like it doesn't matter.

[1086] Parenthood, whatever.

[1087] I could be in the most serious scene in the world.

[1088] And my brain is like Terminator.

[1089] It's just like, oh, I could do that.

[1090] It would be funny.

[1091] Yeah, you have to modulate it sometimes.

[1092] And sometimes you get, you just like want to be entertaining because people are tired and they're working hard.

[1093] And so you're like, oh, maybe if I did this and everyone would laugh.

[1094] But without a doubt, anything that feels false, it's so funny.

[1095] We'll be looking through takes.

[1096] And it sticks out really bad.

[1097] just go, nope.

[1098] So this morning I watched episode five of season two, the fight scene with you and the judo guy.

[1099] Oh, yeah.

[1100] Was so spectacular.

[1101] One long shot.

[1102] And the longer that goes on, I'm starting to get more and more nervous in a great way.

[1103] Well, it's an action scene.

[1104] And Paoloidobro, the DP and I talked about it as being like, how can we do this in one that feels weirdly not shooting for action, but almost commenting on it in a way.

[1105] And she was like, what if they just kind of pass in and out of frame and it's just, we just slow it down.

[1106] And I go, yeah, it's like the cameras from the point of view of someone judging the two of them going like, guys, stop, what are you doing?

[1107] You're not inside of the fight like you generally are.

[1108] You're very much outside of the fight.

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] And you kind of want to just watch them get tired really quick.

[1111] Well, and what I like, too, is you become overly aware of the setting they're in.

[1112] Because, again, on most action things, you're so inside of everything.

[1113] You don't really think about the environment they're in.

[1114] But the way that was shot, I was just like, someone's going through that wall.

[1115] Like, so you're like, this is a real house.

[1116] Shit's about to get broken.

[1117] It's my favorite fight scene of all time is Braising Arizona.

[1118] Oh, yeah.

[1119] Inside the mobile home.

[1120] Oh, yeah.

[1121] It's amazing.

[1122] I just remember as a kid laughing so hard that he punched through the wall and then pulled a piece of wood out from the wall.

[1123] And then you started hitting him on the head with it.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] Just like the destruction of property to me will always be so funny.

[1126] You know, Gavin, my first AD, who helped a lot with that episode.

[1127] and Paola, I think we all just were kind of feeling the same thing, which is, yeah, it's more judging.

[1128] We don't like that results to this.

[1129] Even though it is funny, he's trying to get out of this.

[1130] So let's shoot this in a way where it could be embarrassing and weird.

[1131] Initially, that part was written for like a short, bald, fat guy.

[1132] And it would be revealed that this little pudgy guy could actually do a bunch.

[1133] But that guy doesn't exist.

[1134] Right.

[1135] As it turns out.

[1136] And Daniel came in, and it was like this super.

[1137] good looking yeah at first i was like is that john hand everybody thinks as john yeah and it's oh god he came into our casting and oh my gosh our casting director was like please hire him and uh nicest guy in the world and he does an amazing thing in that where he kicks the stunt guy and he kicks him and then he breathes for saying and then he he does a second kick that's like i mean those kicks we're right there i mean they were those things are real and he could stop on a dime There's takes where he would do it And then it wasn't right for camera And he would just hold his leg up in the air Oh, is it this way?

[1138] And then he would kind of Or do you want me like this?

[1139] Like this?

[1140] Okay, let's go back to one You know, because it was all one shot.

[1141] Yeah.

[1142] And it was just, And then he had to kick me in a grocery store And I duck and I was so terrified.

[1143] The director me was going, Let's do this in one so you see the kick and the guy duck and everything.

[1144] But the actor was like, no. I don't think we should do that.

[1145] We should cut, right?

[1146] Yeah, yeah.

[1147] And then so when we did the thing, he goes, don't you worry.

[1148] stop there's one i wasn't down quick enough and he stopped on a dime right next to my head came back down and was like do you want to go again and i was like yeah yeah yeah and he goes you're going to be fine man he just was assuring me the entire time like you're the one kick you i'm not going to kick you i swear you're the one getting coached on how to duck yeah i can't duck right yeah this guy's doing a round house this guy's doing a round house and i can't duck correctly exactly i can't even duck right oh it was terrible well bill my thank you so much for giving me your time I'm so glad that you picked the route you did and that you're doing your show in the exact way you'd want to.

[1149] You won an Emmy for Best Comedic Lead last year.

[1150] He also got nominated for three for producing, directing, and writing.

[1151] So that's so great.

[1152] And I hope that you're enjoying this.

[1153] Thanks, man. Or at least working towards enjoying it.

[1154] Yeah, no, I am enjoying it.

[1155] Everybody's like, you enjoy this.

[1156] I'm like, I really, I honestly do.

[1157] I'm calming down.

[1158] Okay, good.

[1159] Thanks, bud.

[1160] We'll come back and talk to us again.

[1161] Yeah, definitely.

[1162] This is a blast.

[1163] All right.

[1164] See you, Bill.

[1165] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1166] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1167] Welcome to the fact check, Monica.

[1168] Welcome.

[1169] Day four of our vacay.

[1170] I mean, we're working a little bit on vacay.

[1171] You worked a lot of bit on vacay today.

[1172] But it's a beautiful backdrop for work.

[1173] Beautiful Lake Michigan.

[1174] Listen, all these guys that are like, I'm not going to look at you.

[1175] while I tell you this, but, you know, some dudes are coming back from like the Caribbean.

[1176] I'm like, sure, you want to have a good time.

[1177] Go to the Caribbean.

[1178] You want to have a great time.

[1179] Go to one of the great lakes.

[1180] That's where you can have a great time.

[1181] The reason you had to look away is because you were doing a weird voice.

[1182] Well, I was doing the bit yesterday in the water for about an hour, and you only found it funny for about six of the minutes.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] I thought that was a long time.

[1185] Sure.

[1186] To be invested.

[1187] Absolutely.

[1188] Yeah.

[1189] I would say the bid only had about three minutes of legs.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] But, you know, sometimes you find a second gear around.

[1192] minute 30 of talking about the Great Lakes.

[1193] There's a second wind.

[1194] Yeah.

[1195] You didn't hang in long enough for that second wind.

[1196] It looks like the ocean.

[1197] I said that I think maybe you're mistaken or you lied to me. Right.

[1198] You're pretty certain it is the ocean.

[1199] Yeah.

[1200] Despite the fact that we can see Chicago from the crow's nest.

[1201] Well, also last night we watched a series of thunderstorms roll in off the lake.

[1202] It was lightning and thunder over Chicago.

[1203] Yeah.

[1204] And then about four miles from us, it was going crazy.

[1205] Yeah, it was really cool.

[1206] It's nice on this.

[1207] By the way, I almost said east coast.

[1208] That's not where we are.

[1209] Well, we're in the Midwest, but far east from L .A. Yeah.

[1210] Quite a dramatic display of static electricity.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] We saw a few bolts.

[1213] A lot of bolts, yeah.

[1214] It's very nostalgic for me and you.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] I was hoping it would turn into a super cell and we'd see a big old funnel cloud drop down and suck up some of that sea water.

[1217] Sure.

[1218] You wanted a tornado?

[1219] I wanted a tornado.

[1220] I love them.

[1221] You shouldn't say you love tornadoes.

[1222] They kill people.

[1223] I love tornadoes.

[1224] I'm one of these people that fantasize about being a storm chaser.

[1225] I love being in that weather system.

[1226] Yeah.

[1227] I filmed one.

[1228] Bree and I were on a motorcycle trip and we had to pull under a vi dock under the highway in South Dakota and one ripped right overhead.

[1229] I was running my video camera.

[1230] Oh, cool.

[1231] All the South Dakota folks were bored out of their mind.

[1232] Like we were so excited.

[1233] Brie and I were like going crazy.

[1234] Something about the bearman.

[1235] pressure.

[1236] Everything looks yellow all of a sudden.

[1237] I'm so excited to be experiencing it.

[1238] And then all the folks from South Dakota were just in their car under the V -Doc nearly fallen asleep because I think it was such a regular currents to them.

[1239] Oh, they're just used to it.

[1240] Yes.

[1241] Huh.

[1242] Yeah.

[1243] Billiam Hater.

[1244] Yeah.

[1245] Bill Hater.

[1246] What a cool dude.

[1247] A cool dude and a loose mood.

[1248] Well, that's not how you'd describe Bill.

[1249] I wouldn't describe him in a loose mood.

[1250] No. Part of his charm is that he's not really in a loose mood.

[1251] No, he talks about that, obviously.

[1252] Everyone's heard it by now, but his anxiety.

[1253] God bless him for pushing through all that because it sounds overwhelming.

[1254] I know.

[1255] And it was especially bad on S &L and he did that for so many years.

[1256] Yeah, almost a decade.

[1257] And you would never know.

[1258] I mean, I didn't know.

[1259] I had no idea until I heard him talk about it on H. Stern.

[1260] It's funny because, you know, he breaks a lot, like he laughs a lot.

[1261] Uh -huh.

[1262] That's connected to the anxiety but it seems like oh he's just like loose and fun in a loose mood he's in a loose mood or the loose stool yeah we don't know about his no no no although i think anxious people have loose stool i do too i think so i think it can often lead to hana's rio speaking of which a raccoon assaulted the deck last night oh i missed it i woke up after the raccoon the raccoon had put one one plop down And then Hanas Ria on the stairs.

[1263] Yikes.

[1264] We theorized because I had left a Ziploc bag next to the grill.

[1265] Oh.

[1266] With all that salmonella probably.

[1267] And that raccoon ate that maybe bag.

[1268] Oh, he ate it and then he got quickly sick.

[1269] Yeah, and then he liquefied it.

[1270] Oh, no. This is just our theory.

[1271] We don't know.

[1272] Sure.

[1273] That's a good theory.

[1274] I think so.

[1275] You've got, you know, a bag of old chicken water in it.

[1276] Yeah, ew.

[1277] Ew, ew.

[1278] And an undiscerning wakoon.

[1279] Oh, man. Man, that poor guy.

[1280] He thought he was really hitting the jackpot.

[1281] Yes, if you don't live around raccoons and you just see them on TV and cartoons, yeah, poor guy.

[1282] But if you've grown up around racco, they are pesky little fuckers.

[1283] They're cute.

[1284] You know that story where the one was in my backseat in my Pontiac?

[1285] No. My Pontiac, Catalina, I got out of high school.

[1286] I pulled up to my house.

[1287] I sprinted inside, left the door open.

[1288] Because you had diarrhea?

[1289] No, I had to get my work clothes on.

[1290] And then I had to bolt over to Troy.

[1291] So I left the door open.

[1292] And then I get in the car and I'm driving down the road and I hear all this paper rustling around the back seat.

[1293] So I'm like driving and putting my hand over the back of the seat and trying to figure out what's blown around back there.

[1294] Pull up to a gas station to grab a pack of smokes before I go to work.

[1295] And right as I put it in park, I turn my head left to open the door to get out and the fucking raccoon is on the headrest.

[1296] And it's a sizable raccoon.

[1297] And I froze in panic.

[1298] I mean, it was so close to my face.

[1299] Oh my God.

[1300] And then it just looked at me and then it jumped down out the window into the gas station parking lot and just pittled away.

[1301] And filled up somebody's gas?

[1302] He probably got a pack of smokes himself.

[1303] They're rascals.

[1304] I think they smoke.

[1305] That is very scary.

[1306] That's a big pop out.

[1307] Probably the biggest real -life pop -out I've ever had.

[1308] I can't believe you didn't scream.

[1309] I know you were panicked, but I would have screamed so loud out of just sheer jumpiness.

[1310] I don't think you would.

[1311] think I went to where you go to like when you're dying no you'll see prey they stay dead still because your eyes react to motions I was just frozen frozen coming out this Thanksgiving yeah I just I didn't want to move or make a noise because I thought it was going to lash out at my face with its claws and teeth oh my God yeah we're lucky you could have been totally disfigured yeah so look I understand if you're card carrying member of pita you don't like this take but I don't mind if I gave of a raccoon diarrhea, just for my history with them.

[1312] Sure.

[1313] And they've ruined so many camping trips.

[1314] They eat all your donuts.

[1315] Well, they'll eat any damn thing.

[1316] Yeah, well, clearly.

[1317] They'll eat salmon, a bag of salmonella juice.

[1318] Yeah.

[1319] A couple things.

[1320] So that story reminds me of season one finale of Veronica Mars, one of my favorite shows.

[1321] What happened?

[1322] There was a wakoon?

[1323] No. She was driving.

[1324] and basically the bad guy pops up for he's sitting in the back seat.

[1325] And I think about that so often when I'm driving at night.

[1326] Uh -huh.

[1327] I'll look in the rearview mirror and a murderer will be there.

[1328] Right.

[1329] And that wasn't the first time you'd ever seen that on a TV show or a movie, was it?

[1330] Sure was.

[1331] It was?

[1332] Because that's a very well -worn trope.

[1333] I actually don't know if it was, but it was the most effective.

[1334] Yeah.

[1335] It's the one you think of while you're driving in the evening.

[1336] I think about it all the time.

[1337] Oh, wow.

[1338] Yeah, it's very scary.

[1339] Secondly, the probability of me being right about it being diarrhea, 95%.

[1340] With the raccoon?

[1341] You getting out of your car and running in.

[1342] Oh.

[1343] Most likely you're doing that if you have diarrhea.

[1344] Yeah, yeah.

[1345] I didn't drink the level of coffee in my youth that I do now.

[1346] I think that's got a lot to do with my...

[1347] Lose stool.

[1348] Sure.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] My chronic and persistent.

[1351] I'm sure it is.

[1352] Coffee is a big, big.

[1353] Well, nicotine.

[1354] Oh, nicotine is a diuretic too.

[1355] You invite both of those ingredients to a dance in your stomach.

[1356] Oh, yeah.

[1357] And you're going to have a problem in your pants.

[1358] Okay, anyway, so Bill, we talk about, you tell the story, our old story, about you saying, I was a babysitter and me not liking it.

[1359] You think that you said you wanted your babysitter to try ecstasy, but I think shrooms.

[1360] Shrooms.

[1361] Shrooms.

[1362] Yeah, I think it was shrooms.

[1363] Because that's what we were talking about the day before.

[1364] And you were talking about creativity and opening up your mind and stuff like that.

[1365] Pretty compelling data that says you have permanent increase in creativity.

[1366] Yeah, that.

[1367] Yeah.

[1368] Though I know many people who've done shrooms who, I'm sorry.

[1369] They just don't seem creative to me. But are they more creative than they would have been?

[1370] I just don't know.

[1371] Maybe they went from a zero to a point one.

[1372] Oh, my God.

[1373] them it reminds me of George Zimmerman's fitness you guys remember during the George Zimmerman Trayvon Martin trial they put George Zimmerman's personal trainer on the witness stand and they asked to evaluate his level of physical fitness out of 10 he thought about it very sincerely for 30 seconds and then he said I would say he was a 0 .5 yeah a fucking yikes a point 5 under oath he said that yeah I think someone paralyzed from the neck down is a zero yeah and here he's a point five yeah if i had a trainer and he evaluated me to be at point five physical fitness out of 10 i would be humiliated was he doing that to help him he was doing it to say he there's no way he could have defended himself yeah like he had to shoot him right no no well that's not how it read to me it didn't seem like this trainer liked him he's not a likable guy on top of the obvious stuff he also just doesn't have an award winning personality he's a adult he's been arrested like 20 times since yeah i'm exaggerating intentionally well i don't know the exact number of times he's been arrested but he has been around i don't want to get sued by dopey george zimmerman oh well i can call him a fucking dope you can't i hate Yeah.

[1374] Okay.

[1375] You said you didn't know anyone from Tulsa and that there's not a lot of Tulsa, Oklahomaans.

[1376] That's a hard thing to say.

[1377] Tussins.

[1378] But there are 401 ,000, almost 402 ,000.

[1379] People in Tulsa, Oklahoma?

[1380] Yeah.

[1381] In 2017.

[1382] Well, I'm sure it's only going up.

[1383] I don't think there's been a mass exodus now.

[1384] No, no, no, no. How many people are in Los Angeles?

[1385] Well, it gets tricky because you've got the three -county area that generally is what's included.

[1386] Like New York City has 9 million people.

[1387] Oh, wow.

[1388] And we have 12 million, but in the three -county area.

[1389] Got it.

[1390] But our actual city population, I think, is more like six.

[1391] It's less than New York cities.

[1392] Okay, but still much more than Tulsa.

[1393] Drastically more.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] Okay.

[1396] So Tulsa still doesn't have very many people.

[1397] I guess you were right.

[1398] Sub -million, you know.

[1399] Yeah, sub -mill.

[1400] Well, we were just in Cleveland, and they had around 380 ,000 or something.

[1401] It was pointed out.

[1402] Oh, okay, small.

[1403] Yeah.

[1404] Smaller than Tulsa.

[1405] Smaller than Tulsa.

[1406] Wow.

[1407] Detroit has just under a million.

[1408] How many has Atlanta got?

[1409] I don't know.

[1410] I would guess in Atlanta, I'm going to go with a guess of 1 .8 million people and Wabiwobble.

[1411] I can get Internet.

[1412] Oh, right.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] I will guess 2 .3.

[1415] Okay.

[1416] Listen, if you want good internet, go to the Bahamas.

[1417] If you want great internet, don't come here.

[1418] 486 ,000 in 2017.

[1419] In Atlanta?

[1420] No, that's not right.

[1421] Maybe that's talking about...

[1422] Maybe it's a tiny, tiny little downtown area.

[1423] How about metropolitan area?

[1424] If you had that to the search.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] Yeah, probably geographically is a very tiny area.

[1427] Metro 5 .9 million.

[1428] Oh, wow.

[1429] I knew it.

[1430] Holy snikies.

[1431] 5 .9.

[1432] All right.

[1433] That's a nice piece of popular.

[1434] I know it because there's so much traffic.

[1435] It couldn't be small.

[1436] Yeah, it could be a beating to drive through that city.

[1437] Yeah, it's really not fun.

[1438] Okay, so he gets migraines.

[1439] Ugh.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] It's my nightmare.

[1442] So older theories about migraines suggested that symptoms were possibly due to fluctuations and blood flow to the brain.

[1443] Now, many headache researchers realize that changes in blood flow and blood vessels don't initiate the pain, but may contribute to it.

[1444] Current thinking regarding migraine pain has moved more toward the source of problem as improved technology and research have paid the way for a better understanding.

[1445] Today, it is widely understood that chemical compounds and hormones such as serotonin and estrogen often play a role in pain sensitivity for migraine sufferers.

[1446] One aspect of migraine pain theory explains that migraine pain happens due to waves of activity by groups of excitable brain cells.

[1447] These trigger chemicals, such a serotonin, to narrow blood vessels.

[1448] Serotonin is a chemical necessary for communication between nerve cells.

[1449] it can cause narrowing of blood vessels throughout the body.

[1450] When serotonin or estrogen levels change, the result for some is a migraine.

[1451] Serotonin levels may affect both sexes while fluctuating estrogen levels affect women only.

[1452] Okay.

[1453] Some triggers.

[1454] Okay, does trigger warning to the audience.

[1455] Yeah.

[1456] Here comes some actual triggers.

[1457] Yep.

[1458] Stress.

[1459] Mm -hmm.

[1460] That makes sense.

[1461] Biological and environmental conditions such as hormonal shifts or exposure to light or smells, fatigue and change in one's sleep pattern, glaring or flickering lights, weather changes, certain food and drink.

[1462] That's a lot of stuff to avoid.

[1463] It's really everything.

[1464] They just described planet Earth.

[1465] Yeah, it's everything.

[1466] They clearly don't have it figured out.

[1467] They haven't narrowed it down at all.

[1468] No. Got to be so frustrating to suffer from migraines and that be your answer.

[1469] Well, it could be changing weather or, you know, come on.

[1470] Anytime stress, which is always.

[1471] an answer to every single ailment.

[1472] It's like, okay, well, there's nothing we can do about that.

[1473] The only way to live pain -free is to live your entire life in a sensory deprivation chamber tank with an IV of athletic greens to keep you alive.

[1474] That's it.

[1475] That's the only way you could not feel pain.

[1476] Well, no, because I think I would be stressed out if I was in that for a long time because I'd feel like, what is happening out there?

[1477] Okay.

[1478] So then...

[1479] We're missing out.

[1480] In your IV pick, we'll also be putting some kind of benz up.

[1481] So atavans, Xanax, some kind of anti -anxity.

[1482] Okay.

[1483] And then we'll have you stress -free and pain -free.

[1484] Every time you say migraine pain, I want it to just be my pain.

[1485] Yeah.

[1486] Well, it's a nice rhyme.

[1487] Yeah.

[1488] Migraine pain.

[1489] Migraine pain.

[1490] Not alliteration or on a monopoeia.

[1491] No, just regular rhyme.

[1492] Just regular words.

[1493] No, they rhyme.

[1494] That's true.

[1495] Pain and grain.

[1496] No pain, no grain.

[1497] That's what it would be.

[1498] Yeah.

[1499] How you doing today?

[1500] Well, no pain, no grain.

[1501] Uh -huh.

[1502] Or you can flip that.

[1503] How are you doing today?

[1504] No grain, no pain.

[1505] That's better.

[1506] That should be one of the commercials for the migraine medicine.

[1507] Okay.

[1508] No grain, no pain.

[1509] I wonder if people would get it.

[1510] Nope.

[1511] Yeah, they would.

[1512] No. But it's a nice Easter egg for the people who knew.

[1513] They would think it was an advertisement for a paleo diet.

[1514] Like no grain, no pain.

[1515] They would just think it was grain.

[1516] They would think it was obvious thing.

[1517] I like what it is.

[1518] grain.

[1519] Not a shortened version of migraine.

[1520] You said unreplicatable.

[1521] Mm, great word.

[1522] And it's not a word.

[1523] That's what I was checking.

[1524] Unreplicable.

[1525] Oh, unreplicable.

[1526] You know that.

[1527] You know that word, of course.

[1528] And me even saying it incorrectly is unreplicable.

[1529] I don't even think I can do it.

[1530] You can't do it.

[1531] No, I can do it if I do it.

[1532] Well, it is also unreplicatable.

[1533] Oh, you did it.

[1534] Oh.

[1535] I guess it wasn't unreplicable.

[1536] That makes me think of reputation.

[1537] Sure.

[1538] Unreplicable.

[1539] Do you think you have a good reputation?

[1540] That's great.

[1541] Yes, I think I have a fine.

[1542] But only through meeting some of these strangers on the podcast.

[1543] If I deduced, I do have an okay reputation.

[1544] Because remember Adam Pally was on, there's a couple different comedians that are younger.

[1545] And I'm like, oh, you must have thought I was a hack and it was terrible.

[1546] And a couple of them said, no, I knew people you worked with and they liked you.

[1547] And I was like, oh, that's nice to hear.

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] Yeah.

[1550] But you could say to your daughter or son, like, oh, don't date.

[1551] them.

[1552] They are unreplicable.

[1553] It sounds like a bad reputation.

[1554] And then that kid would have to say, dad, you're not using that word right.

[1555] Well, no, I'd say until they can clone, I'm saying it correctly.

[1556] They're unreplicable.

[1557] Okay.

[1558] So that's actually a positive.

[1559] Sure.

[1560] Take it how you will.

[1561] Don't date that guy.

[1562] He's unreplicable and he's too special for you.

[1563] He's unreplicable and unrecognizable.

[1564] You don't deserve him.

[1565] That's all.

[1566] Whoa, whoa.

[1567] What?

[1568] It was quick.

[1569] There weren't that many facts.

[1570] I mean, I might have missed some.

[1571] Okay.

[1572] I'm sorry if I did.

[1573] I don't think I did, though.

[1574] Don't apologize for perfection.

[1575] It's unreplicable.

[1576] It's very unbecoming and unreplicable.

[1577] It really sounds like marbles in the mouth saying it.

[1578] Let me hear you hit it one more.

[1579] Unreplicable.

[1580] Yeah, that sounds like a mess.

[1581] It sounds like a car accident in your mouth with marbles and chewing gum.

[1582] Big old mess.

[1583] Well, I love you.

[1584] Let's double down on this vacay and really commit to raging hard.

[1585] All right.

[1586] Okay.

[1587] Okay.

[1588] All right.

[1589] Night night.

[1590] Bye.

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