S1 E4: Kimmy & Brian

[0] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to something was wrong early and ad -free right now.

[1] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[2] I'm Dan Tversky.

[3] In 2011, something strange began to happen at a high school in upstate New York.

[4] A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast.

[5] What's the answer?

[6] And what do you do if they tell you it's all in your head?

[7] Hysterical.

[8] A new podcast from Wondry and Pineapple Street Studios.

[9] Binge all episodes of hysterical early and ad -free on Wondery Plus.

[10] Hey, so I know last week's episode was rough, you and me both, but I promise we won't be talking about puppies getting hurt today, or hopefully ever again.

[11] We will be talking about mature topics not intended for all audiences, though, so please do use caution when listening.

[12] Author and Abuse Consultant Lundy Bancroft, and yes, I'm talking about Lundy Bancroft again.

[13] I just, I really love you, Lundy.

[14] In his book, Why Does He Do That?

[15] Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, he writes, The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long -lasting as wounds from punches or slaps, but are often not as obvious.

[16] In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man's emotional abuse is what's causing them the greatest harm.

[17] It takes a village to raise a child, and the same can be said for abusing a woman.

[18] For her abuser, it can become difficult to abuse her all by himself, so he manipulates others into helping him.

[19] Lundy notes, most abusive men put on charming faces for their communities, creating a sharp split between their public image and their private treatment of women and children.

[20] He may be enraged at home, but calm and smiling outside, selfish and self -centered with you, but generous and supportive with others, domineering at home, but willing to negotiate and compromise outside.

[21] side, highly negative about females while on his own turf, but a vocal supporter of equality when anyone else is listening.

[22] Violent towards his partner or children, but nonviolent and non -threatening with everyone else.

[23] Entitled at home, but critical of other men who disrespect or assault women.

[24] The following are examples of how allies of abusers help support abuse.

[25] Social pressure, putting pressure on the woman to make the relationship work and find a way to hold the family together, regardless of abuse.

[26] Due to the misconception that abuse comes from bad relationship dynamics, allies see the woman as sharing responsibility equally for getting things to improve.

[27] Guilting, telling the abused that the abuser needs them in order to get better, placing responsibility of the abuser's personal improvement above a woman's right to safety and happiness.

[28] Silence.

[29] Being aware of chronic or severe misconduct.

[30] treatment and not speaking out against it.

[31] Silence communicates implicitly that you see nothing unacceptable taking place.

[32] Abusers interpret silence as approval or at least forgiveness.

[33] Victim blaming.

[34] Placing responsibility of harm onto the victim.

[35] This can include labeling the abused as playing the victim or calling them weak or oversensitive.

[36] Ignorance.

[37] Choosing to ignore signs of abuse or pretending not to see abusive behaviors.

[38] Placing personal comforts and relationships with the abuser above the woman's right to live safely.

[39] Societal and or religious beliefs, using subjective morality and spiritual documents to diminish or deny a woman's right to equality.

[40] I'm Tiffany Reese, and this is Something Was Wrong.

[41] You think you know me, you don't know me well at all.

[42] Think you know me, you don't know me well.

[43] There was a friend of his that started texting me very, very early on.

[44] She was married.

[45] They lived in New York.

[46] They had met in Colorado because he's from Colorado.

[47] They're all from Colorado.

[48] But she married this guy that owned a drop -ship business that really took them all over the world.

[49] And the best place for them to be located was in New York.

[50] Kimmy and Brian get married very, very quickly.

[51] Apparently, they knew they loved each other three weeks into their relationship and got engaged.

[52] Dad did not approve.

[53] There was a major fallout.

[54] It took her parents a full year, she said, to approve of her relationship with Brian because they did get married.

[55] And at this point, by the time I met him and started texting Kimmy and Brian, they'd been married for 13 years.

[56] And I thought, okay, well, it worked.

[57] guys were good.

[58] And they had two kids and we're in the process of adopting another one from South Africa, a little girl.

[59] He was texting me saying, oh my gosh, you have to hear about this.

[60] This is crazy.

[61] Like, Kimmy's absolutely insane.

[62] And Brian and she are having this fight right now.

[63] And apparently she threw a frying pan across the kitchen and blah, blah, blah, blah.

[64] I'm just like, who are your friends?

[65] What, go live your life.

[66] Like, I'll talk to you later kind of thing.

[67] You've got some stuff to, you know, figure out.

[68] And then I, he says, I'm going to give her your number or something because I think you guys would hit it off really well.

[69] And I want you to meet some of my friends.

[70] And I'm just like, okay.

[71] And I start getting these texts going, hey girl, my, you know, bleeping husband over here, you know, blaming it on my hormones, rude.

[72] And just instantly is like, you don't even know my life.

[73] And I'm just like, oh, and I'm kind of rolling with it thinking, okay, like, she's pretty fierce.

[74] But she's hilarious.

[75] And I was cracking up.

[76] My roommate's like, who are you talking to?

[77] I'm like, this friend of his that is just, she's insane.

[78] And we're texting back and forth.

[79] we proceed to text for a couple hours.

[80] I'm just like, okay, girl, I got to go.

[81] And a couple days later, she's like, hey, sorry about that.

[82] I might have had a couple glasses of wine.

[83] And yes, he was being an ass, but, like, that was overboard kind of thing.

[84] I'd really just love to get to know you.

[85] And I'm like, I like, I like, this is funny.

[86] And every couple days, she'd reach out and be like, hey, how's, you know, how's my guy?

[87] Like, how's my friend?

[88] What's, what do you guys up to?

[89] Any secrets I can dish.

[90] You know, I know a lot about them.

[91] And I'm like, no, it's cool.

[92] I mean, it kind of, it was fun.

[93] But I want to respect.

[94] I, I, I, I I barely know him.

[95] I'm still getting to know him, and I'm not going to ask for dirt on him.

[96] Part of me was going, I don't owe you anything.

[97] And the other part was going, okay, I don't want my pride to get in the way and be like, I'm sorry, who are you?

[98] Because she was also very, very open.

[99] And I know that, you know, the lens through which you see the world is kind of how you just expect everybody else to be.

[100] So if you're super open, Nohol's bar, do you expect everyone else to just be, you know, super open?

[101] So because she was sharing so much, I just thought, okay, that's probably why she has no qualms about asking me about my personal relationship right now.

[102] But I still held back a little bit that's just ingrained in me. But we would have, we would chat and talk and stuff.

[103] And she was very, very uplifting, very affirming, extremely encouraging.

[104] She would pray for me via text.

[105] So when we first started texting, she was like, hey, you know, how's my friend?

[106] I'd want to get to know you.

[107] You know, I'd love to eventually consider you as like a sister I've never had because I'm really close with your boyfriend.

[108] and very, very, been praying for his future wife, you know, for years, and we know that if he feels this strongly about you, that you must be something special.

[109] And so I want in on this.

[110] Like, I want to be your friend kind of thing.

[111] Before Sarah and Dick were together, Dick's friends, Kimmy and Brian, wrote letters to his future wife that were then given to Sarah when Dick and Sarah started dating.

[112] To the woman that loves him, if I'm honest with you, I don't know how to begin this.

[113] I'm sitting across the table from my husband as he writes, and it's wrecking him.

[114] It's a peculiar thing to see your husband happy cry tears, writing to a woman he doesn't know.

[115] I hope that you don't mind that we've typed these to you, and I hope it doesn't mean less.

[116] We love you.

[117] Brian and I want you to know that we've been praying over your life for years.

[118] We've been praying that God was repairing you to love someone like Dick.

[119] Dick is someone that will forever change your life.

[120] You've probably begun to understand this, and it's probably rattled your world.

[121] I can tell you from the years of seeing the best and the worst, he's worth your love.

[122] You are worth his.

[123] This is a love that changes your definition of love.

[124] Love like this doesn't feel like the movies or Disney fairy tales.

[125] It's slow, like kindling a fire, and then all of the sudden it bursts into flames.

[126] Take your time, breathe deeply.

[127] Curl up next to the fire and rest in the fact that you have found a man that is unlike any other.

[128] Listen, the world tells us that we need to feel specific things, do certain things, and spend a certain amount of time at each stage.

[129] You've hopefully now learned that all goes out the window.

[130] Some of the best advice I can give you is don't look for others to affirm all that you see.

[131] I'm all for community affirming relationships, but Dick has a heart bigger than Texas and deeper than the ocean.

[132] That heart, though, has some scars.

[133] Some scars that we've done are best to mend, and we hope that's good enough for you.

[134] I mean that.

[135] We've prayed and are hoping that you can see through the banged -up man and see who's behind it.

[136] No one experiences Dick like you do.

[137] Part of me is jealous.

[138] Most of me rejoices.

[139] I'll keep the scar discussion simple and short.

[140] Dick has seen friends die in his arms.

[141] He had his mother almost passed from cancer.

[142] He had someone light his identity on fire and warmed himself as it burned to the ground.

[143] He's had people steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from him and a myriad of other things.

[144] We have experienced someone holding his love, his time, his touch, his selflessness, his loyalty, hostage.

[145] We've seen someone abuse him emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

[146] He's been beaten down.

[147] He's lost a lot of fights.

[148] And he's been told for years he isn't worth the air he breathes by someone and their family.

[149] Scars are scars for a reason, though.

[150] They serve as a reminder of what God's healed and brought you through.

[151] They are beautiful in a way.

[152] At least that's how we've chosen to see them.

[153] My hope is that, you can see the man that we see and more.

[154] He's the greatest man we've ever met.

[155] There are a few things you need to know about him.

[156] He will always thank you for everything, even if it's dumb and small.

[157] For him, the fact that someone wants to spend time with him, let alone touch him, kiss him, and hold him, he is fragile.

[158] Words for him are either the fuel to an already burning fire, or they can snuff him out faster than throwing a match into the ocean.

[159] Never get a sharp tongue with him.

[160] He'll carry a wound longer than those words deserve.

[161] He doesn't know how to be touched.

[162] We've hugged him over the years, but it doesn't seem to sink in.

[163] I don't know how to explain it, but the closest thing I can think of is when you get the chills all over your body, enough to get your leg hair to grow.

[164] It's like that, but ten times.

[165] He runs really, really hot, both experiencing life and also body temperature.

[166] He hates being hot.

[167] Don't move him somewhere where he'll sweat all the time.

[168] He won't tell you, but he'll hate life.

[169] The other side of that.

[170] Dick runs at a pace, that no other person we know can maintain.

[171] He'll shift gears, slow down for seasons, or shift gears and fly so hard you think he's going to die.

[172] He won't, but he does need your help in keeping him in check.

[173] Just because God made you to sustain a thousand miles per hour doesn't mean you should live at 800 miles per hour.

[174] As much as he loves speed, don't let him.

[175] He'll use his talents on you for you.

[176] Don't feel selfish.

[177] That's part of sacrificial love.

[178] Total side note.

[179] Dick knows an unbelievable amount of things, like, it's insane.

[180] The man is a sponge.

[181] I tell you this because he will try and minimize things.

[182] Don't let him.

[183] He's the farthest thing from a prideful man, but sometimes he makes himself sound like a fool, and he's not.

[184] He's an interesting man. Nothing ever gets boring, though, so you have that going for you.

[185] To love him is, well, quite easy.

[186] You'd think a man with so many characteristics would be complicated to love.

[187] Touch, words, time.

[188] Touch is something that will forever make that man shudder.

[189] Touch him often.

[190] Hold him tight.

[191] He's never felt love from a woman like you.

[192] He's never felt a touch like yours.

[193] He's never understood what it's like to be held on to because the other person simply needs you.

[194] Words are fuel to him, but they can also snuff him out.

[195] There is never an excuse for a sharp tongue with him because he'll carry the wound longer than the words ever deserved.

[196] Tell him you love him often.

[197] For him, it doesn't lessen the meaning because of the frequency, but builds on on the foundation.

[198] Tell him what you think of him often.

[199] He's never heard words like that before.

[200] Tell him he's doing a good job.

[201] He doesn't know it.

[202] Tell him when you miss him.

[203] No woman has said it and truly meant it.

[204] Time.

[205] He's weird with his.

[206] Time is something that he fully understands the value of, both from good and terrible experiences.

[207] I'm quite sure you already know the spectrum.

[208] Time is his value language.

[209] When you spend time with him, it means 100 ,000 times more than it does to the rest of us.

[210] Cherish this.

[211] God uses it to adjust your own perspective of the value of time.

[212] I know this sounds like a lot, but my hope is that it's natural for you, to touch a man you love, to encourage him, and to spend time with him.

[213] For Dick, this is like Christmas morning every time, and no, he doesn't get used to it.

[214] My few asks of you are this.

[215] Love him uncontrollably, don't you dare ever give up on him, and teach him what it means to be loved completely.

[216] She struck him with her motor vehicle.

[217] She had been under the influence and then she left him there.

[218] In January 2022, local woman Karen Reid was implicated in the mysterious death of her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O 'Keefe.

[219] It was alleged that after an innocent night out for drinks with friends, Karen and John got into a lover's quarrel en route to the next location.

[220] What happens next?

[221] Depends on who you ask.

[222] Was it a crime of passion?

[223] If you believe the prosecution, it's because the evidence was so close.

[224] compelling.

[225] This was clearly an intentional act.

[226] And his cause of death was blunt force trauma with hypothermia.

[227] Or a corrupt police cover -up.

[228] If you believe the defense theory, however, this was all a cover -up to prevent one of their own from going down.

[229] Everyone had an opinion.

[230] And after the 10 -week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision.

[231] To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is.

[232] Law and crime presents the most in -depth analysis to date of the sensational case in Karen.

[233] You can listen to Karen exclusively with Wondry Plus.

[234] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

[235] Scammers are best known for living the high life until they're forced to trade it all in for handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit once they're finally caught.

[236] I'm Sachi Cole.

[237] And I'm Sarah Hagey.

[238] And we're the host of Scam Fluencers, a weekly podcast from Wondery, that takes.

[239] takes you along the twists and turns of some of the most infamous scams of all time, the impact on victims, and what's left once the facade falls away.

[240] We've covered stories like a Shark Tank certified entrepreneur who left the show with an investment, but soon faced mounting bills, an active lawsuit followed by Larry King, and no real product to push.

[241] He then began to prey on vulnerable women instead, selling the idea of a future together while stealing from them behind their backs.

[242] To the infamous scams of Real Housewives stars like Teresa Judiceyche, which she should have proven to be a major downfall only seemed to solidify her place in the Real Housewives Hall of Fame.

[243] Follow scam influencers on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[244] You can listen to Scamfluencers early and ad -free right now on Wondry Plus.

[245] Like later on, when he would say something that would hurt me, which wasn't until after we were engaged, I finally would go to Kimmy and be like, help me understand this.

[246] Help me, like, come from this, come at this from a healthy perspective and not get upset?

[247] Where are my emotions going too far?

[248] Where is my ego involved?

[249] And where did I really deserve to hear what he said?

[250] Like, is this just me being prideful and ratty?

[251] Or was this him being a jerk?

[252] And she'd be like, oh, honey, like pride comes before the fall.

[253] Looks like you had it coming kind of thing.

[254] Like, well, you've been used to not having anybody to answer to for years.

[255] There was always a little bit of truth to it.

[256] Part of me has always been a little bit afraid that when I do get married, when I do have kids, maybe I'm too selfish.

[257] I've been single a long time.

[258] I'm like, I've been able, I really have been able to do whatever I want.

[259] And I count it as a blessing, but on the other hand, there's going to be a rude awakening one day, you know, when I'm in a committed relationship.

[260] And I know that.

[261] So she would take that little bit of truth, so that I would listen to her.

[262] And then she would say, you've pretty much scooted along by the seat of your pants and wasted time, you know, effing around for the past five years.

[263] And now you're with somebody who's very driven, very goal -oriented, very, like, passionate, and motivated, he's not going to let you get away with your stuff.

[264] And I was just like, oh, wow, I need to get it together.

[265] I need to get my butt in gear.

[266] And she would be like, you know, yeah, it sucks to get corrected by your husband.

[267] And I was like, corrected by your husband.

[268] Is that?

[269] Is that a thing?

[270] And but she would say, you know, Brian has done it to me many, many times.

[271] And it hurts like hell and I'll get mad.

[272] But he's always right and I'm always a better person for it.

[273] And I thought, okay, well, you guys have made it 13 years.

[274] You're happy.

[275] Here's Sarah's parents, Greg and Rose.

[276] I thought, did you date both of them?

[277] Like, were you married to Kimmy before?

[278] Because she knows you pretty intimately.

[279] I thought, is Brian okay with this?

[280] Emotionally and mentally, I was kind of faded, if that makes sense.

[281] And it wasn't directly through him.

[282] It was through little subtle comments that, like, Kimmy would make or that he would make that I interpret it as not measuring up because it would be little things like a casual mention of who he's dated in the past and well he's not that person anymore but you know he did date swimsuit models like stupid stuff like that she sent me like a screenshot or a picture of someone he dated in the past and I was like honestly in my mind I thought how like I mean I love him I think he's handsome but damn like how often did you know that Kimmy and he communicated with each other outside of he would tell i would ask him i would ask him and he would show me his phone and be like she hasn't texted me in like six weeks so you know kind of thing and i'd be like oh he would hand his phone than me brian has to it benefits him to travel because of their business and he had these business opportunities he would like try to get my fiancee in on and stuff but she's busy like raising three kids yes she's very business minded too and so she was trying to start up some kind of business it was vague but i remember her telling me like one day hey sorry i haven't gotten back to you in a while.

[283] It's been really crazy raising three little ones in a foreign country and starting out my own business.

[284] And I was like, wow.

[285] And she said, yeah, I'm great.

[286] My, Brian made me do it.

[287] I'm grateful for a husband that doesn't let me settle.

[288] And I thought he made you do it.

[289] You're taking care of three kids in a foreign country and he pushed you to start a business.

[290] I mean, more power to you if you really want to do that.

[291] And I remember thinking, am I going to be running with people that put pressure on me to overperform when I'm exhausted?

[292] Like, what if I'm just not good enough.

[293] And they, because of their traveling, they had, I think it was like go phones they said they had or something.

[294] Because I was like, well, are you on Instagram?

[295] Are you on Facebook?

[296] And they'd be like, oh, we have like bad relationship history with social media.

[297] So we've decided to cut it out.

[298] There were some trust issues.

[299] Apparently Brian had cheated on Kimmy at one point.

[300] And it had kind of started via Instagram.

[301] So there were major trust issues.

[302] So there was no social media.

[303] They were off the grid.

[304] That's why she oftentimes chatted.

[305] his phone, which was why sometimes she would be like, hey, I got the scoop on, you know, the engagement planning or something like that.

[306] If you have any questions, I can tell you because I have Brian's phone.

[307] Yeah, sorry, I have trust issues.

[308] I check my husband's phone kind of thing.

[309] And I'd be like, don't tell me. I don't, that's weird.

[310] I don't want to know if there's a surprise being planned, you know.

[311] And I just always thought she was a little bit of an intense person.

[312] Yeah.

[313] But not going to get in the middle of their marriage.

[314] She had a conversation with media text one time when we were planning our honeymoon and she said hey girl have you lost the you know lost the extra weight for those honeymoon pictures and I went I'm excuse me and I don't get mad I rarely get mad it takes a lot to kind of get my hand shaking and I kind of started to take deep breaths and I'm like okay where's she going with this and she's like oh yeah I got to lose that cellulite before the wedding and I just thought is this her idea of girl talk of like does she know that I'm insecure about the fact that I have cellulite believe me, I've googled it, hon, like it's not something you can get rid of with diet and exercise.

[315] So I kind of played it cool, but my emotions are rising and I'm getting a little bit shaky and heated.

[316] I got cellulet when I started puberty.

[317] Right.

[318] I was more my cellulite.

[319] My baby pictures, I had cellulite.

[320] So I actually went to my fiancé and I wanted to be very, very careful and very respectful because at this point I'm walking on eggshells because I'm so used to being wrong that I'm now afraid to voice an opinion because I don't want to get shot down.

[321] So in that conversation with Kimmy, I'll like, I'll be honest.

[322] I was crying.

[323] I was pissed as heck.

[324] So she pretty much, what really set me off the edge was she, I said, well, I've done some research, you know, um, the doctor said I shouldn't be lower than X number of pounds.

[325] Even at my thinnest when I had a flat stomach, I had cellular.

[326] I told her this.

[327] I'm texting her this, trying to like reason with her.

[328] I didn't get mad right away and she literally said oh honey i've seen photos five pounds doesn't make that much of a difference oh girl i slammed my phone down i went and i got a broom and i swept my apartment and cried and screamed and punched things like i threw pillows around like i got it i did dishes i just went the rest of the afternoon fuming and i just thought how can another woman say this to another woman that she claims she feels like a sister too and i'm just like Like, this is, first of all, you call yourself a Christian.

[329] Yeah.

[330] There is no love in this.

[331] There is no Jesus in this.

[332] This hurt me. And it wasn't until I actually was like, if you.

[333] And I started going to the gym twice a day.

[334] Like, it was nuts.

[335] It was kind of a, yes, not to play into it, but it was just sort of like a, I have to prove this to myself that I can get there kind of thing.

[336] But then I told him that night, I was like, um, does she have.

[337] body hate issues, and he could see that I was very worked up and I was trying to stay under control and he was like, he goes, oh, very unhealthy.

[338] And I thought, well, that's the first time you've ever spoken anything negative about your friends.

[339] Because I had been very afraid to disagree with them up until now because it was like this trio over here.

[340] Yeah.

[341] And I was welcomed in, so I'm not going to break this up.

[342] And I said, okay, because she said, I, she said some things that made me realize I don't think I can be friends with your friend and I want to be very respectful, but I just don't think that this is a healthy friendship for me anymore.

[343] And he surprised me by saying, oh, totally understand.

[344] Let the dust settle.

[345] Like, she can be nasty.

[346] So what did you say back?

[347] I didn't text her back.

[348] I couldn't.

[349] I didn't know what to say.

[350] Yep, pretty much.

[351] Because I just, I didn't have my emotions and I kind of like, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

[352] Yeah.

[353] I had nothing but really scathing things to say to her.

[354] So I waited.

[355] But a few days later, she texted me and she was like oh shit and she's but still it wasn't a I'm so sorry I was wrong it was a so because you went quiet on me sort of thing so again this is my fault I went quiet I didn't speak up she went over the text and she goes she said I can realize that I came across as a bitch and my words could have been taken as really fucking hurtful is exact words that she said and I wanted to say no shit yeah but instead I I said, I think I need to get better at clearly communicating where I'm at.

[356] And I said, do I come across as more confident than I really am?

[357] And she said, hell, yeah, you come across as really effing self -confident.

[358] And I said, okay, well, just to clarify, I'm not very secure in how I look.

[359] Because she said, let me guess, do you, how do you see yourself?

[360] You know, do you see yourself as pretty?

[361] And I said, some days.

[362] I said most days and I'm again I'm like thinking wow how was I such a saint because honestly I wanted to kill her but I thought I'm going to be vulnerable with her and show her that this really really hurt me because maybe I come across as very self -assured but I'm not I don't wake up feeling like a goddess every day and it's a good day if I am confident to go out without makeup or something like that so I wanted her to know that this cut me really deep Brian would text me and say when she would kind of go too far and everyone could tell okay Kimmy's pushed Sarah too far I'd get a text from Brian saying, I'm really sorry about my wife.

[363] She doesn't have a lot of lady friends in her life.

[364] And he would even say, honestly, you're one of the only women that's given her the time of day.

[365] So be patient with her.

[366] And I thought, are you manipulating me into being friends with your wife who's very abusive and mean?

[367] Sarah shared the screenshots with me of her conversation between her and Kimmy.

[368] Kimmy, I worked out like an MF.

[369] You're probably heavier than you want to admit.

[370] Sarah, I'm 5 -7 and, according to my doctor, I'm only 5 pounds overweight.

[371] Kimmy, L -O -L -L -O -M -G, we are da -same.

[372] You're about 20 pounds overweight if you don't want cottage cheese legs.

[373] I had to get to about 125 for it to disappear.

[374] What you'll have to be careful of is when you have kids, because you'll be a fatty fatters.

[375] Sarah, terrified of having kids for that reason.

[376] Kimmy, ha, ha, ha, oh yeah, you'll have to be a fatten.

[377] to battle against that.

[378] Nothing kills intimacy like a fat preggers.

[379] Get to 125 -130 and you'll see it leave you be.

[380] Sarah, I might be skin and bones.

[381] Kimmy, L .O .L. It's where you lose it from.

[382] I've seen pictures.

[383] L .O .L. 5 pounds isn't that much of a difference.

[384] And to tell her she needed to lose weight before the wedding and, oh, she worked so hard as it was to, you know, that was her dream to wear her dream dress and everything.

[385] She's never been smaller as she was when Kimmy said that.

[386] She needed to lose another, I don't know, 20 pounds or something.

[387] And I thought, where?

[388] What?

[389] Question herself in areas that she never, I was never aware of her ever questioning herself to that degree before.

[390] She was always fairly confident and not in a egotistical way.

[391] She just was very well balanced.

[392] According to the U .S. now, National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health, emotional abuse can include verbal assault, dominance, control, isolation, ridicule, or the use of intimate knowledge for degradation.

[393] It targets the emotional and psychological well -being of the victim, and it is often a precursor to physical abuse.

[394] Another term for intimate partner emotional abuse is coercive control, which is an oppressive form of abuse that is grounded in gender -based privilege.

[395] The effects of emotional abuse and coercive control are just as detrimental as the effects of physical abuse.

[396] However, the law recognizes physical and sexual violence as crimes, but not emotional abuse, even though it is a pervasive form of relationship abuse.

[397] Signs of coercive control and psychological abuse are as follows, and I just want to say before I get into the list, that just because an abuser doesn't exhibit every single one of these characters, characteristics doesn't make them any less abusive.

[398] Isolation.

[399] Restricting social contact with others and or creating problems in your personal relationships.

[400] Insisting on driving you to and from work.

[401] Keeping you from doing things that you're good at or you enjoy.

[402] Monopolyizing you.

[403] Expecting you to spend all of your time with him or use all of your energies to serve his needs.

[404] He gets jealous of other relationships.

[405] Constant criticism.

[406] Attempting to belittle you and dismantle your confidence.

[407] putting down your mental capabilities, intelligence, upbringing, or your physical appearance.

[408] Spiritual abuse.

[409] Putting down or making fun of your culture or religious beliefs, insisting you adopt the same religion or beliefs as him.

[410] He may insist you hold the same political or parenting ideals.

[411] Gaslighting.

[412] Manipulating you by using psychological warfare in order to question your own sanity or your view of reality.

[413] Denying or creating past events.

[414] Telling you that you're too sensitive, and or that you play the victim.

[415] Lying.

[416] Deceit, leaving out important facts, exaggerating or diminishing the truth, twisting small amounts of truth into a lie.

[417] Obsessive monitoring.

[418] He tells you what and when you can eat, drink, and how often you should be exercising to meet his physical ideals.

[419] He tells you what you can and can't wear.

[420] Blaming, attributing abuse to your faults, saying that you deserve what happens to you, or that you instigated the problem.

[421] financial abuse not supportive of you having your own job especially outside of the home giving you an allowance restricting your access to bank accounts or financial information refusing to contribute to shared expenses creating debt without your knowledge or spending money on whatever he wants stalking harassing or persecuting someone with unwanted and obsessive attention hacking into your email social media accounts or demanding access to your phone and conversations sexual oppression, excessive sexual demands and sexual put -downs, objectifying you, pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to, making you feel as though you don't meet his sexual needs or desires, cheating on you, bullying, calling you insulting, derogatory, or racist names, such as stupid, disgusting, worthless, etc. Lacking empathy for others, insulting gestures or dirty looks, ignoring you or giving you the silent tree.

[422] playing mean tricks on you or scaring you in cruel ways.

[423] Reproductive coercion.

[424] Refusing to use a condom or another method of birth control.

[425] Refusing to let you use birth control, medications, or receive proper medical care.

[426] Sabotaging birth control efforts, such as poking holes in condoms or swapping out birth control pills.

[427] Ultimately making decisions about when and how you become pregnant.

[428] Demeaning and humiliating behaviors.

[429] causing a severe loss of dignity and the respect of others, embarrassing you in public or spreading false information about you.

[430] Threats.

[431] Threatening to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action in retribution for something done or not done.

[432] Threatening to harm himself or your loved ones when upset with you.

[433] Destruction.

[434] Breaking or ruining things that are important or valuable to you.

[435] Emotional abuse often results in severe psychological side effects.

[436] such as anxiety, chronic depression, and post -traumatic stress disorder.

[437] Next time, on something was wrong.

[438] I did a background check.

[439] What bothered me was there was this address, and then there was this address, and this address, and this address, and they were only like a few months apart.

[440] And it also had a couple of arrests.

[441] As mentioned previously in the first episode, this story is being told in chronological order.

[442] I know you're thinking...

[443] Stephanie, question!

[444] But I promise you, this story is one that's best told in sequence to fully understand its magnitude.

[445] The story is still evolving, actually.

[446] And even in the past week, listeners have reached out to share their own personal experiences with Dick.

[447] She's typing.

[448] She's typing.

[449] Boyfriend's super cute looking on this Instagram photo, to be honest.

[450] Well, at the risk of sounding like a creep myself, I'll be back.

[451] You can't write this shit.

[452] Oh, my gosh.

[453] More on that soon.

[454] Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited, and produced by me, Tiffany Reese.

[455] A heartfelt thank you to Sarah, her family, and friends for participating in this series.

[456] Check out Sarah's personal blog, Space, and Purpose, via the show notes.

[457] All of the music this season comes from the band Gladrags.

[458] Special thank you to Alyssa Doyle for her hyped.

[459] and story editing assistants.

[460] Shout out to my husband Michael and our three children for encouraging me every step of the way.

[461] If you're enjoying something was wrong, please subscribe now and consider sharing with your friends and family and like literally anybody you've ever met.

[462] Just that would be great.

[463] Thank you.

[464] If you would like to share your story with us, you can now call us and leave a voicemail.

[465] You can remain anonymous or share your first name and location.

[466] Our number is 1 .323 -379 -5678.

[467] This number will also be listed in the show notes.

[468] Your message might be shared on a future episode.

[469] Thank you.

[470] If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 -800 -799 Safe.

[471] If you like something was wrong, you can listen early and ad -free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[472] Prime members can listen ad -free on Amazon.

[473] music.

[474] Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery .com slash survey.

[475] I'm Dan Tversky.

[476] In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York.

[477] I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad.

[478] I'm like, stop fucking around.

[479] She's like, I can't.

[480] A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms and spreading fast.

[481] It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls.

[482] With a diagnosis, the state tried to keep on the down low.

[483] Everybody thought I was holding something back.

[484] Well, you were holding something back.

[485] Intentionally.

[486] Yeah, well, yeah.

[487] No, it's hysteria.

[488] It's all in your head.

[489] It's not physical.

[490] Oh, my gosh, you're exaggerating.

[491] Is this the largest mass hysteria since the Witches of Salem?

[492] Or is it something else entirely?

[493] Something's wrong here.

[494] Something's not right.

[495] Leroy was the new date line and everyone was trying to solve the murder.

[496] A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios.

[497] Hysterical.

[498] Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[499] You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad -free right now by joining Wondry Plus.