5 Minutes to Change Morning/Bedtime & Save Your Marriage

[0] So if you follow us on Instagram, you'll notice that all of our videos are filmed from mountain peaks we've hiked.

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[14] Hey moms, we talk on the podcast all the time about making self -care a priority because when you're tired and you don't feel like yourself, it's hard to be that calm mom you want to be.

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[24] So in the next five minutes, I believe I can give you a tool that is going to save your marriage.

[25] improve your relationship with your wife, help you in your parenting, get your kids to listen to you more.

[26] And I'm going to try to get that done in less than five minutes.

[27] So this is worth it.

[28] This is Kirk Martin.

[29] I'm founder of Celebrate Calm.

[30] This is Calm Parenting podcast.

[31] I'm getting right into this.

[32] So I did three phone consultations with couples this past week.

[33] And what we were dealing with with strong -wheel kids at bedtime, dinner time, homework time, morning time.

[34] And in all three situations, here's what happened.

[35] Guy told what was going on.

[36] His wife starts to speak.

[37] and starts to talk about something that she could use her husband's help with.

[38] And in every single situation, the hubby spoke up and said, hey, Kirk, can I give a little context to that?

[39] And I said, no, no, you may not.

[40] Here's what you need to do.

[41] You need to listen.

[42] Because I've noticed throughout the course of this conversation, every time that your wife speaks up, you don't really listen.

[43] Here's what's happening.

[44] When your wife starts to speak, you start formulating your response to her.

[45] So you are not really listening to your wife.

[46] You are trying to prove your point.

[47] Now, I didn't say this part because this may be unique to me as a guy, but I have a certain amount of a hero complex of like, I want to be seen a certain way.

[48] I've had that in the past, and I think that's true of guys.

[49] Sometimes we're a little bit fragile in that way.

[50] And so they want to provide context like, oh, I'm not so bad.

[51] See, really, it's my wife because she has control issues and because she lectures too much.

[52] And I was like, no, you don't get to speak.

[53] Here's what I want you to do, hubby.

[54] I want you to listen, to really listen to your wife without formulating a response, without getting defensive, without trying to prove your point.

[55] I want you to validate what she's saying and listen to her and then ask questions and say, so what specifically can I begin doing differently?

[56] What specifically would help you?

[57] Now, I know inside you're going to be like, yeah, but she's got her issues.

[58] Yeah, on all of our phone consultations and all of our programs, we go through what each person needs to do.

[59] It's never one person in a relationship.

[60] It's we all have our things to work on.

[61] But this is specifically for the hobbies out there, the dads.

[62] I want you to work on this this week.

[63] I want you to listen to your wife.

[64] Ask her, honey, what is one thing I can begin doing differently?

[65] And then listen to her, validate it, and then begin doing it.

[66] Now, this goes for both of you, right?

[67] Like, I want wives saying, what could I begin doing differently?

[68] And then you listen and you do that.

[69] But I'm focusing this a lot on guys.

[70] And what I want you to know is this.

[71] During this phone consultations, when the wife stopped speaking, the guys all wanted to say their part, and I said, I forbid it.

[72] I don't want to hear what you think right now.

[73] I don't need you to prove your point.

[74] My whole goal right here is I want you to listen to your wife, because if you don't, one day, she is going to leave you.

[75] And not only will you lose 50 % of all of that money that you have been earned and invested over time, you will also in many ways lose your children.

[76] And it is damaging to children when that happens.

[77] and it is preventable in most cases and it's little things that matter because if you if you don't start listening to your wife she will feel dismissed and i know this from personal experience is one of the hardest things i had to work on was learning how to just listen and validate and not prove my point and i can tell you your wife will appreciate it is the best valentine's gift you can give her is to say, I'm going to begin working on that because I want you to feel heard and I want you to feel validated and I want to change because I value putting as much energy into our relationship and into our family as I do into my career, into sports, into all the things that I'm into.

[78] That will change your family.

[79] That will change your child's behavior quicker than anything you can do directly with your child.

[80] it all relates and it will change your friendships because I guarantee you you prove your point to your friends and to everybody that you talk to that's work on that if we can help you look you can always do a phone consultation with me and I'll be honest with you and I'm very good at listening now and I'll help you out but if you want a cheaper route than that get the calm parenting package we have a special for valentine's day we're including our marriage program which you do right from home it's very very practical simple steps We're including that free with a calm parenting package is cheaper than any therapy you'll ever do and less expensive the roses.

[81] Find it at celebrate calm .com or email K -C -C -A -S -E -Y at celebrate calm .com.

[82] Love you all.