Armchair Anonymous: Wedding Mishap

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] You did it.

[5] Good job.

[6] There was a lot of debate in the comments about what was preferred.

[7] That's the big question.

[8] Somehow mistakes were.

[9] sometimes, in some cases.

[10] They do.

[11] Okay, so this episode is about our prompt.

[12] Tell us about the craziest thing you've witnessed at a wedding.

[13] Look, weddings are ripe for chaos.

[14] You've got people hammered.

[15] You've got people, I don't, nostalgia.

[16] They're catching up with old friends.

[17] They're trying to tap back into who they were when they were Chili's.

[18] They're feeling romantic.

[19] Oh, are they ever?

[20] Hence the movie Wedding Crashers.

[21] I mean, they made a whole film about it.

[22] Such a good movie.

[23] These stories, though, are unethical.

[24] unexpected.

[25] So I love it.

[26] Yes, me too.

[27] Oh, but before we listen to weddings, this is very important.

[28] What we want to do is we want to be able to kind of animate very simple, five or eight frames, tops, line drawings.

[29] Think of it almost as storyboarding.

[30] We want to start animating the clips for this show to promote on Fridays.

[31] And we talked it over and who it should be.

[32] And we all knew artists individually.

[33] And then we thought there's so many awesome artists in the Arm Cherry community.

[34] We see your all's work all the time.

[35] And we thought how much fun would it be to get someone who already loves the show working on the show in some capacity?

[36] So what we would like you to do if you're interested, if you're an artist and you're interested and you want to be a part of the show in some way, this is what you'll do.

[37] You're going to listen to this clip and you're going to draw five to eight simple line drawings and then assemble them and then you're going to email them to drawings at armchairexpertpod .com.

[38] That's D -R -A -W -I -N -G -S drawings at armchairexpertpod.

[39] and then we're going to review them all and then we're going to pick somebody and we're going to reach out and then hopefully this can be kind of an ongoing thing to make little tiny bits of art for our Friday promotions.

[40] So now stay tuned for the clip and if you listen to the pooping your pants at work episode, this will sound familiar.

[41] What did you do?

[42] There was really no rational thought for like the next 10 minutes but I immediately just like picked it up like getting up after dog.

[43] I don't know.

[44] With your hand?

[45] Yeah.

[46] It was running back.

[47] There's a water fountain like in the middle of the bathrooms.

[48] I was like, oh, You know, I'm going to use this maybe as like a sink, hopefully.

[49] That didn't work.

[50] Nothing works in this.

[51] I don't understand the office.

[52] We're just dragging it around.

[53] So I'm just like standing in the stairwell, just like, oh, my God.

[54] I just like, I'm holding, like, in my hand.

[55] So send us five to eight little frames of what that might look like.

[56] We'll look at them and we'll see if we can't get into the creative bed with an arm cherry.

[57] Woohoo.

[58] Excited about this.

[59] Please enjoy crazy wedding stories.

[60] Good times, take them slow.

[61] I'll have a one thing you got to know.

[62] What's up, guys?

[63] Hi.

[64] You can hear us.

[65] I can now.

[66] How are you doing?

[67] Wonderful.

[68] Are we calling you by your real name or a pseudonym?

[69] John's fine.

[70] Okay, great.

[71] There's a lot of Johns, a lot of cover fire.

[72] Especially 38 -year -old Johns.

[73] This is the name when I'm 85 that will no longer be relevant.

[74] Do you think?

[75] Do you think it'll ever?

[76] There's no young Johns anymore.

[77] You're right.

[78] It's more like, like, Max.

[79] and that's not even that.

[80] Like Harlow.

[81] Oh.

[82] That's true.

[83] Harlow's a lot closer than John, for sure.

[84] What about Jonathan, people going with the whole soup to nuts?

[85] Is that happening?

[86] Well, do you know the difference between a John and a Jonathan in terms of spelling?

[87] Tell me. J -O -H -N versus a J -O -N.

[88] J -O -N is a Jonathan.

[89] So you're just John, not Jonathan.

[90] That's it.

[91] You're blowing my mind because I've always been curious why some people are spelling John J -O -N.

[92] Right?

[93] Have you known that?

[94] I didn't know.

[95] I thought if you went by John, even short for Jonathan, you would add the age.

[96] Yeah, I guess so, but no. Okay, we're learning.

[97] Okay, you attended a wedding, something crazy happened, and we're dying to hear what it is.

[98] Yeah, this is pretty good, and it involves a dance floor.

[99] Oh.

[100] As it should.

[101] The wedding itself, nothing super eventful, right?

[102] So there's probably 100, 125 people there.

[103] This is about 10 years ago.

[104] Can I ask what state the wedding's in?

[105] This one was in Delaware.

[106] Okay.

[107] So we get through the ceremony, everything goes good.

[108] Get to the dancing.

[109] There'll be kind of a dance circle that will break out.

[110] Of course.

[111] Dax being a great dancer yourself, you understand this.

[112] Thank you for recognizing that.

[113] Absolutely.

[114] And generally, a person will jump into the center and do a move or two, right?

[115] Uh -huh.

[116] Yep.

[117] This is my nightmare.

[118] You're not lingering.

[119] You're not hanging out.

[120] Unless you're semi -pro.

[121] Like, if you're a break dancer, you might hang in there right and do like, I don't know, a minute of action.

[122] Exactly.

[123] But you're not hanging out for five or ten.

[124] No. No, no, no. So my buddy, he gets out there and he's starting to feel it, right?

[125] This is a little bit later in the evening.

[126] So the spirit has entered his body, we'll say.

[127] Now, he's a good dancer, solid.

[128] Decent crowd there, kind of watching him and they're getting excited.

[129] He starts to go into this kind of G -rated strip tease, we'll say, where he's past the vacation button.

[130] He's dropping down to the third button.

[131] Hold on, hold on, the vacation button.

[132] I've never heard that.

[133] Yeah, that's the third button on the shirt.

[134] And once you're past that, it's vacation now.

[135] And he was in the wedding, too.

[136] So he was in the wedding, too.

[137] So he's a vacation button.

[138] He's got the full get -up on, right?

[139] But the jacket's long gone.

[140] The tie is now off of his neck and around his head.

[141] He looks like Rambo.

[142] Oh, boy.

[143] He is feeling it.

[144] He is hamming it up.

[145] But everyone's enjoying it.

[146] The moves are good.

[147] And every move he's ever seen or attempted before he is now getting into.

[148] He's having a moment.

[149] From here, he's just looking to outdo himself.

[150] One move after the next.

[151] His wife is sitting off of the edge of the dance floor.

[152] She's eight months pregnant.

[153] She's seen this act before.

[154] But it's getting a little later in the evening.

[155] She's getting a little tired.

[156] She's normally the life for the party.

[157] She can't drink.

[158] So she's now watching him carry on, which is all good.

[159] That's great.

[160] Everyone's enjoying themselves.

[161] But he decides to bring her into the act.

[162] Oh, okay.

[163] So at this point, he kind of dances up to her, gives her a G -rated lap dance.

[164] No big deal.

[165] Nothing too over the top.

[166] At that point, people are, oh, that's nice.

[167] He's involving her.

[168] And now he kind of backs up and goes for the move of moves to outdo himself once and for all.

[169] He goes for a roundhouse kick with the intention of kicking his foot over her head.

[170] No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes.

[171] So this guy's about 5 '9, former athlete, right, but a little passes prime at this point.

[172] Confident in himself, though, maybe a little bit of a beer belly.

[173] Not to mention, he's like in tuxedo pants.

[174] Yeah, he's restricted movement.

[175] But he's filled with confidence.

[176] Back turned, full roundhouse kick.

[177] Guys, when I tell you, his foot barely cleared her shoulder, barely cleared her shoulder, and just here to the side of the head, hammer time, got her.

[178] Oh my fucking God.

[179] He kicked his wife in the head.

[180] She's sitting there pregnant and he roundhoused her.

[181] 70 to 80 people standing around.

[182] All the people behind her who were sitting down, not dancing were watching at the entire dance floor.

[183] And he just cleans her clock.

[184] And he knocks her square out of the chair.

[185] She falls to all floors on the grill.

[186] Just blasted.

[187] If someone videotaped this from the moment he went for the kick, they would have been certain that this was a demonstration.

[188] like a karate demonstration with the intention of knocking her head.

[189] It was so bad.

[190] And he was mortified, of course.

[191] Everybody was in shock.

[192] It was like from full elation to just absolute shock.

[193] He dove on the floor after her.

[194] And it had to hurt so bad.

[195] But she was, you know, trying to tough it out.

[196] I don't know if I've ever heard such an enormous flip of the script.

[197] Like from what he was feeling, as you say, the confidence, the elation, the sexiness, everything, to the morbid realization you had knocked his pregnant wife out in front of everybody.

[198] That's about the steepest nosedive I've ever heard.

[199] Unless you were like winning the gold medal and you shit your pants, that is rough.

[200] Oh my God, that's how old.

[201] She wasn't out cold though.

[202] No, thank God.

[203] The story wouldn't be as good, but she was definitely hurt.

[204] She probably wanted to cry, right?

[205] I mean, like, it hurt bad.

[206] She's super embarrassed.

[207] Yeah.

[208] Your meat head, husband is actually a fool and brought you into it now.

[209] You want to kill him.

[210] Hasn't tried a roundhouse in six years, but decided he still knows it.

[211] He never tried one.

[212] It's almost two victims there, right?

[213] He was a victim of the moment.

[214] He was a victim, too.

[215] That was the end of his dancing for evening.

[216] I know exactly what happened.

[217] He's like, fuck it.

[218] Everything's clicking.

[219] Everything's working.

[220] Drops down.

[221] Bam, executes the splits.

[222] You're like, fuck, maybe I'm capable of of all kinds of stuff.

[223] Roundhouse over my wife's head.

[224] By the way, even if you pull that off, no one wants to see that.

[225] There's no payoff there.

[226] No. It's like shooting an arrow at her head.

[227] It's sketchy at best.

[228] It's like, oh, let's not do that.

[229] Okay, so now he's crumbling inside.

[230] I'm sure he gets wifey all cleaned up and back on the chair and all that.

[231] How much of the rest of the evening is he like checking in with people like, I have kicked that high before?

[232] Was he checking in with everybody to see where they were at?

[233] Part of it is just like to say, I know that I missed so bad.

[234] I don't want you to think I did that on purpose.

[235] That's not what he was going for, but it was just not close.

[236] I mean, this guy would have a hard time swinging his tuxedo leg above his waist, let alone a flying roundhouse kick five feet into the air over his wife's egg.

[237] I mean, come on.

[238] Man, I am seeing like Chuck Norris deliver one of those really powerful roundhouses.

[239] The fact that it dropped her off the chair.

[240] Wow.

[241] Oh, ow.

[242] Oh, my God.

[243] Well, he did give the newlyweds a gift because what a memorable wedding.

[244] Yeah, everything else went smooth, but that's something that nobody will ever forget.

[245] And lucky for him, it was 10 years ago, right?

[246] Because if it was three, there would have been cameras all over him dancing, and then there would definitely have been footage of the roundhouse kick.

[247] He would never have been able to live down.

[248] Some version of this happened to our friends Charlie and Erica, perfect 10 Charlie.

[249] On his wedding night, he's on the dance floor.

[250] I don't know what movie he was trying to pull off, but he fucking caught.

[251] Erica in the eye with an elbow, put her to the ground.

[252] And then the next morning, you have whatever that breakfast is called, the ceremonial.

[253] Morning after.

[254] The morning after breakfast.

[255] And Erica comes down and her eye is half swollen shut.

[256] It's purple, the size of like a silver dollar pancake.

[257] She is fucked up.

[258] Was there a breakfast the next day?

[259] And was there any bruising or swelling?

[260] Or did they just bounce probably after that?

[261] Yeah, we didn't see them the next day.

[262] I didn't catch her for a couple of weeks.

[263] I'm not sure how she ended up.

[264] But, you know, this was like heel and Achilles to the back of the head and an ear all at once.

[265] So it's possible she avoid bruising, but it's a bad one.

[266] In a million years, I'm not guessing the outcome of that.

[267] I'm like, oh, he's going to split his pants.

[268] Didn't see that one coming.

[269] John, what a pleasure.

[270] Yeah, this is a treat, guys.

[271] I was really excited when the email came back.

[272] And actually, I'm glad not to be telling a story about shitting my pants at work today.

[273] So this was a little bit easier.

[274] Well, great meeting you.

[275] And what a brilliant story.

[276] Yeah, I appreciate it, guys.

[277] Take care.

[278] All right, be good.

[279] Bye -bye.

[280] I thought the kick was going to hit the belly.

[281] And then terminate the pregnancy.

[282] Maybe it was going to pop out.

[283] Yeah.

[284] I didn't think.

[285] And start dancing.

[286] Once the wife was involved, I thought he was going to pick her up and shake her, dance her on his hips, and she was going to deliver, or break the water would break.

[287] Sure.

[288] And then everyone would be slipping on the dance floor.

[289] What a fucking kick to the head.

[290] Oh, man. What a great story.

[291] Hello.

[292] This is so exciting, guys.

[293] Hi.

[294] This is a very exciting week.

[295] We just had our second baby on Sunday, and we got the message for this on Monday in the hospital.

[296] We were like going crazy on the postpart of the floor.

[297] Oh, my gosh.

[298] Congratulations.

[299] We're going to be on an archerick for a and have a baby in the same week.

[300] Wow.

[301] How many days ago?

[302] Not yesterday, but eight days ago.

[303] A week ago, yeah.

[304] My husband has them if you want to.

[305] Oh, of course I want to.

[306] There's a little babe.

[307] Oh, yes, a little subway sandwich.

[308] Oh, my God, tiny.

[309] So, Sean, what part of the country are you in?

[310] Midwest, Indiana.

[311] Oh, baby.

[312] Neighboring state to Michigan.

[313] And where was the wedding?

[314] It was in Indianapolis.

[315] Oh, okay.

[316] What's the age of the newlyweds?

[317] 27.

[318] That comes in later in her story.

[319] Okay, great.

[320] All right, so walk us through the event.

[321] So the girl who was a bride in the wedding is like one of my childhood best friends.

[322] So her and her sister, just because I was always around and her sister's a little be younger than us, but they've both become like two of my best friends at this point.

[323] There's always been a little bit of beef with the groom.

[324] It's always been a little bit of a weird situation with the family.

[325] And so there's always just drama.

[326] Coincidentally, my other best friend got married the day before.

[327] I was in a wedding on Friday and in a wedding on Saturday.

[328] Oh, wow.

[329] So I couldn't go to any of this wedding events leading up because I had the other wedding.

[330] So the sister was texting me all this drama.

[331] So first off, men's warehouse had lost all the tucks information for all the guys besides the dad, the father of the bride, and the groom.

[332] There was no one else to tux info.

[333] That was the info we got on Wednesday.

[334] Then Thursday comes around and they're talking about how the best man decided that he didn't want to be in the wedding anymore because of the Catholic wedding.

[335] He didn't realize it was Catholic until he saw everything to rehearsal.

[336] So he like quit the wedding.

[337] Hold on.

[338] Was the wedding in 1940 when people gave a shit about Protestants and Catholics?

[339] Oh, my God.

[340] What did he think was going to happen?

[341] happened at this Catholic heathen event.

[342] What was it going to go down?

[343] So then Friday rolls around.

[344] I'm in the other wedding.

[345] So as everything's going on, I'm getting all these texts with a sister that none of the guys are showing up.

[346] There's no guys at the rehearsal dinner.

[347] There's not a single groomsman at rehearsal dinner.

[348] So, you know, it's a Catholic wedding.

[349] There's a lot of parts.

[350] Like if you're going to practice for a wedding, you need a practice for the Catholic wedding because you got to stay and up to sit down.

[351] You've got to go up to the front.

[352] You got to line up.

[353] So morning of the wedding, of course, the bride is in like a terrible mood because everything has just been a shit show up until now.

[354] You can just tell.

[355] She's a. set and we're trying, you know, to pump her up and everything will be okay.

[356] And most of us have been in Catholic weddings before, so we'll help them out and they can just do what we do kind of thing.

[357] We get to where we walk down the aisle and we haven't met any of these guys yet because we haven't seen them because they didn't do a first look or anything.

[358] The coordinator is telling us, you go here, you go here, you guys are together, walk down.

[359] Now at this point, go to your seat, you know, trying to scream all this info at us.

[360] So we start looking around realizing that we've never met any of the groom's friends before.

[361] So we go through the wedding, everything's great.

[362] get married.

[363] They're coming out and, you know, the girls are making small talk as you're walking out.

[364] And one of the bridesmaids goes to the groomsmen that she's walking with.

[365] And she's like, oh, so how do you know the groom?

[366] And they're walking on.

[367] He's like, oh, you know, like, I don't know him.

[368] She's like, so how do you know him?

[369] And she's like, well, I don't know him.

[370] Like, you don't know him.

[371] What do you mean you don't know him?

[372] So she comes over freaking out like, guys, I don't know what's going on.

[373] But this guy just told me that he does not know him.

[374] I'm like, I don't know if it was a joke.

[375] I don't know these people.

[376] Her best friend that was the man of honor.

[377] And he was like, I've got this.

[378] I'm going to figure out what's going on.

[379] So he starts doing a deep dive into Reddit and finds this.

[380] No. I'm scared.

[381] No, no, no. Last minute, really last minute wedding help.

[382] Long story short, but here it goes.

[383] I, a 27 male.

[384] I'm getting married this weekend Saturday.

[385] This is posted on Wednesday at 3 .38.

[386] Wait, well, hold, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on all that.

[387] There's too much juicy stuff to just run through this.

[388] It's already horrendous.

[389] But the fact that this motherfucker waited until Wednesday, like on top of all the things, Eat is that Wednesday?

[390] For more backstories.

[391] They dated for six years and they were engaged for a year and a half.

[392] Oh, my God.

[393] Okay, okay.

[394] So I, 27 -year -old male, I'm getting married this weekend, Saturday, and have lost several of my groomsmen at the last minute due to military commitments.

[395] It crushed me, but I get it.

[396] I don't have anyone else to ask to be in the wedding party.

[397] I'm swallowing my pride and asking for anyone who would be interested in standing in last minute from our Reddit community.

[398] Catholic wedding on Indies Southside, tons of booze and food, I promise, and tons of fun to be had.

[399] I am more than fines to cover a tux cost, which has to be in today at the latest.

[400] And I hate being in this situation, which I now could ruin my fiance's big day.

[401] This seems like a long shot that I would love to hear if anyone has any interest.

[402] Oh, okay.

[403] I went from suspicious he was a killer to now I feel so bad for this guy.

[404] And I'm nervous there aren't any military buddies that were just deployed.

[405] We've all been there.

[406] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[407] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[408] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[409] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[410] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[411] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[412] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[413] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[414] What's up, guys?

[415] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[416] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[417] Every episode, I bring on a first.

[418] friend and have a real conversation.

[419] And I don't mean just friends.

[420] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[421] The list goes on.

[422] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[423] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[424] Does the wife know at this point?

[425] Is she not notice he has no friends in six years?

[426] Right.

[427] That was our big question.

[428] The main thing being like they were together for so long, have you never met any of his friends?

[429] Yeah.

[430] Yeah.

[431] But his job is without giving away too much information.

[432] He works.

[433] in first responder type situations.

[434] And so a lot of times they would have fans to meet somebody and then they'd get called in or whatever to where she just never met his like current group of friends.

[435] Red flags.

[436] Oh, yeah.

[437] So we find that.

[438] Of course, we're trying to not go crazy in the church because we're all sitting in the church, like, oh, my God, what is that happening?

[439] He has a bunch of strangers at the wedding from Reddit.

[440] Yes.

[441] There was no financial commitment other than the cost of the suits, a reimbursement.

[442] the main draw is free booze.

[443] That's a bad way to filter through people.

[444] Like if you're willing to go hang with strangers and an uncomfortable outfit only because there's free booze, you probably really love free booze.

[445] There was a lot of free booze.

[446] The maid of honor, the sister's husband, and my husband were together.

[447] And so we were texting them trying to figure out what was going on.

[448] They were looking up stuff.

[449] We're looking up stuff.

[450] And so we get all the pictures taken.

[451] We get into the limo.

[452] And so the girls start asking questions.

[453] to the guys because at this point we're like did just that one guy do this or are there multiple guys that are involved in this like we got to figure out what's going on how many moles right so we're like asking you know how long have you known then what do you guys like to do together where do you guys hang out and they're given answers but they're like very vague ridiculous answers sure so we get there and the couples go off and like this vineyards to take their picture so we're like all right we're sending you all down what the fuck is going on and they all explain that every single one of them was from this Reddit post and that they were all hired to be by the groom.

[454] Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[455] It's just so funny from the outside.

[456] You don't think about it, but the programs are already printed weeks ago because the bride printed everything.

[457] So they're all going by names that aren't their names.

[458] So they're coming by like Curtis and Ben and all these names that aren't any of their names.

[459] So they're not answering to their name all night and they have no idea who they're supposed to be.

[460] because they're not the people that they're saying that they are.

[461] Also, was the wife in the limo like, oh my gosh, it's so nice to meet you, Ben?

[462] She was just real quiet about it the whole time.

[463] Had anyone told her?

[464] We made a pact as a bride's maid that we would discuss it with her in the morning and let her have today.

[465] Might even go post -Honeymoon for this.

[466] Now we're splitting hairs.

[467] Okay, great.

[468] So it was decided not to tell her.

[469] How long did these guys hang throughout the night?

[470] Did any of them get inappropriate?

[471] Was it a liability?

[472] They were all very respectful.

[473] They were very nice people.

[474] they all were just like a great job in the wedding.

[475] No one got like super rowdy or weird.

[476] They were just like there to help out this guy.

[477] But also they think that they're filling in for military people.

[478] That's nice.

[479] Serving their country by proxy.

[480] We realized that this best man has he had a speech because no one in this wedding knows that there's no real best man. So we're like, how did you decide that you're the best man?

[481] Like what about?

[482] And they were like, well, we drew shawls and this guy won and he was panicking.

[483] But my brother is getting married in three weeks.

[484] I'm the best man. So I'm like, whatever, I'll do it.

[485] It'll be good practice.

[486] I can get the jitters out.

[487] And so we're like, well, you have to do a speech.

[488] And he's like, I'm not giving him a speech.

[489] And we're like, no, you're giving a speech.

[490] That's what that's meant to.

[491] Like, she doesn't know this situation.

[492] None of her family or friends know this situation.

[493] So me and the maid of honor wrote him a best man speech based off of, if you Google, like, how to write a best man speech, there's like six steps.

[494] And we're like, you thank the parents.

[495] When you say the pride looks pretty, tell little stories, say thank you to everybody.

[496] He actually killed the speech.

[497] It was honestly really funny.

[498] He started out.

[499] He said, I've known the groom for a really long time.

[500] I don't want to bore you guys with the details.

[501] We'll fast forward to literally right before the wedding.

[502] Oh, my God.

[503] We're walking in.

[504] We said, how did you know that you wanted to marry the bride?

[505] Doesn't know her name either.

[506] What if he said the wrong name?

[507] But they said, how did you know that you wanted to marry the bride?

[508] And he said when I knew that I would do anything and everything to pick her day, your dreams.

[509] true.

[510] Oh, that's good.

[511] It's truthful.

[512] If you didn't know, you would have no idea, but knowing it was hilarious.

[513] The native honor and her husband came over the next morning and we're like, we got to figure out some type of plan.

[514] So we're like, all right, let's go get some breakfast.

[515] I'm like, re -evaluate life.

[516] We walked into the breakfast place and I shit you not.

[517] One of the groomsmen and his girlfriend were walking in and we got seen at the table right next to them.

[518] And so we were like these people are actually people that live in our part of town and are going to probably see them around.

[519] Oh my God.

[520] Yeah.

[521] She asked her sister the next day what was going on and what she knew, whatever.

[522] So she sort of gave her like a light inversion.

[523] Basically like we don't know everything that happened or everything that was going on.

[524] We do know some of the people are people that he just met or like found online or whatever.

[525] But I mean, all the guys are really nice.

[526] And we don't know what happened with the original guys or what the situation was.

[527] I think he just never had anyone and waited way too long to figure it out.

[528] together?

[529] Yeah, I have a kid now.

[530] Okay.

[531] Oh, wow.

[532] Good.

[533] I'm glad they made it.

[534] But I'm also worried about the level of vulnerability that exists within the relationship that he was afraid to tell her I don't have any friends.

[535] That scares me a little bit.

[536] Yeah.

[537] Oh, this is deep.

[538] He was an only child and he was really close to his dad.

[539] Like, have your dad be your best man. Your sister -in -law is about to get married.

[540] Have her fiance be in your wedding.

[541] I mean, my husband would have been in there.

[542] We're like pretty good friends with the bride at least.

[543] It was weird.

[544] There was a lot of weird factors.

[545] Yeah, he was embarrassed by it, clearly.

[546] I think so.

[547] I think he just thought he was going to come up with friends in the year and a half of they were engaged and having me in the wedding and then he never did.

[548] Well, listen, if you're out there and you're the guy and you get divorced and you get remarried, I will come.

[549] I'll do it.

[550] You too, Monica?

[551] Will you come with me?

[552] Sure.

[553] Okay.

[554] Well, Sean, that was, that's, wow.

[555] That's like an episode of the Twilight Zone.

[556] I know.

[557] Thank you so much.

[558] And congratulations on that little subway sandwich we just, Matt.

[559] Thank you.

[560] All right.

[561] Take care.

[562] Say bye God, that one was depressing a little I mean it was great But it was sad What a revelation And I was scared He was going to end up being a bad fraud Yeah, con man Like it's his ninth wedding Why couldn't he say Because the family already thought he wasn't good enough for her And then he shows up with no friends Yeah, sad Maybe he wasn't good enough for her When I don't go with her and they had a kid That doesn't necessarily mean me He's a bad dad Hello.

[563] Hi.

[564] Sarah, nice to meet you.

[565] You too.

[566] Sarah, what part of the country are you in?

[567] I'm in Buffalo, New York.

[568] Okay, up there.

[569] How far from Niagara Falls are you?

[570] About a half an hour.

[571] Damn.

[572] If you grow up a half hour from Niagara Falls, do you go a lot?

[573] Is it like a public park?

[574] Or have you gone far fewer times than we would guess?

[575] No, I go a lot.

[576] I have two dogs, and it's really pretty to walk them there.

[577] So I drive up there quite a bit.

[578] When I visited, I was on the upper part before it goes over, right?

[579] You're next to the river that's feeding into it and consumed second by second having to talk myself out of jumping in the water to go over the falls.

[580] Yeah.

[581] I'm sure you know the lapel duvied, the call of the void.

[582] When you're in those situations and you just hear that voice, it says, do it.

[583] I feel that way every time I go there.

[584] There's something about it.

[585] I just learned that term call of the void two weeks ago, maybe.

[586] Do you think you know that term because of Niagara Falls, your proximity?

[587] Yeah, I went kayaking too close to the falls.

[588] There's an area called the danger zone, and we were about a half mile away from the danger zone.

[589] And my friend said, do you think we should be doing this?

[590] And I'm like, oh, it's fine.

[591] Two seconds later, I'm like, it's not fine.

[592] We're trying to kayak.

[593] We're getting into these two bridge apartments and the bridges.

[594] Oh, no. And so that ended up and I'm seeing up the bar later and just talking about this call of the void.

[595] And maybe it was a little bit of intention with me being.

[596] a danger seeker.

[597] We were fine.

[598] We were half mile from the danger zone, but still.

[599] Yeah, you and I should never be allowed to be by it together because we would probably end up talking each other into.

[600] Okay, the prompt was not, have you ever nearly died at Niagara Falls?

[601] It was, have you ever witnessed something crazy at a wedding?

[602] So set the table for us.

[603] So I was a bridesmaid in a childhood friend's wedding in 2019.

[604] The wedding day comes, and there's one groomsman who's really going hard on the Tully's or the White Clause maybe.

[605] he was very drunk, noticed him drinking the trullies, and I think he had like a handle of vodka too at the pictures after the ceremony.

[606] We go to the reception and there's the whole program and I didn't see him until after we were sort of released from the programming.

[607] And by that time, it had been a couple hours.

[608] And I did see him going to the bar in the reception venue quite a bit.

[609] And he's really sweaty by this point, extremely sweaty and this didn't seem well at all.

[610] So I'm trying to get him to drink water and his fiance trying to get him to drink water and he's dancing around and it just wasn't great but you know he's a grown man and his fiance was there so I did my part gave him the water maybe 45 minutes later we couldn't find him so we start looking someone said you know we lost him in the bathroom so we recruit another groomsman to go in and look for him he's not there people are searching everywhere can I quickly ask what relation he is to either the bride or the groom he's just one of the groom's buddies One of the groom's buddies from their work.

[611] Okay.

[612] Co -worker.

[613] So this is the type of wedding venue where there's multiple halls at once.

[614] So there's a commotion out in the hallway, and someone just says, we found Jimmy.

[615] So I go out there.

[616] And all you see is like a top outline.

[617] He had shit his pants.

[618] He pissed his pants.

[619] There's blood everywhere.

[620] No. Oh.

[621] Oh.

[622] Yeah.

[623] He jumped off the second.

[624] floor mezzanine.

[625] Yeah, sorry.

[626] I got it the lead.

[627] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[628] Whoa.

[629] Whoa.

[630] Wait, wait, wait.

[631] Okay.

[632] He got himself on the second floor somehow.

[633] This is an outdoor area, like a commons area.

[634] It's the lobby of the venue, but it's indoors, so there's a mezzanine level.

[635] Okay, perfect.

[636] And so he was up there.

[637] He answered the call of the void.

[638] Exactly.

[639] Ding, ding, ding.

[640] Holy shit.

[641] Now it's all made sense that we talked about that.

[642] answered the call of the void.

[643] He jumped off.

[644] What split?

[645] We don't know the intention.

[646] Do you think he was going to land it?

[647] Or he's like, fuck it.

[648] I'm going belly smacker.

[649] Do you want to die?

[650] Do you want to show off?

[651] What do we think?

[652] So we did find out the intention because apparently there was another wedding guest out there.

[653] And he was up on the second story.

[654] And there's an antique wooden spins the chair, and he thought he was going to land on it.

[655] And that would break his fall.

[656] Oh, my God.

[657] And instead, well, A, did he even hit the chair?

[658] I think he did, but it just broke underneath his weight.

[659] He's lucky he didn't get impaled with a piece of the chair.

[660] That's side note.

[661] But, okay, so it doesn't go as he plans.

[662] He lands on his face first, basically?

[663] Face first.

[664] Oh.

[665] There was the bystander, and I'm sure they're not like me. So they probably didn't get a timeline, but is it thought that he?

[666] got knocked out and then he evacuated because he was unconscious.

[667] Yeah.

[668] That's the reigning theory.

[669] That's the raining theory.

[670] Wait, and then somebody drew a chalk line around?

[671] No, no, he's letting us know, like, you know, that classic chalk line.

[672] Yeah, that's what he looked like.

[673] Oh, he was still there.

[674] Oh, he was still there.

[675] He was laying flat on the ground like he were a chalk outline of a murder victim.

[676] And he has shit in his suit and puddle of urine under him.

[677] Okay.

[678] And then bleeding from presumably the face and maybe even other parts.

[679] Definitely the face.

[680] And so what do people think to do?

[681] Where do you start?

[682] You get the paramedics involved?

[683] What happens next?

[684] Yeah, there was a nurse on the guest list.

[685] So she was with him.

[686] He was on contest for quite a long time.

[687] Then there was, you know, the rubbernecker, if you want to see what's going on.

[688] Of me. The ambulance could eventually come and took them away.

[689] But the whole lobby reek of, you know, human waste for a very long time.

[690] It smelled so bad.

[691] And there's other ratings going out.

[692] Oh, my God.

[693] Oh, my God.

[694] How did the paramedics deal with, is there a protocol when someone has slacks full of shit?

[695] Like, did they put him on a stretcher?

[696] Did they even deal with the poop?

[697] Did they load him in the ambulance with shit?

[698] I think they did.

[699] I didn't see the loading of him, but I think they probably just triaged him on the site, make sure he was able to move and then moved him and probably did the classic cut off the suit.

[700] Yeah.

[701] Sounds like they already knew from the smell.

[702] inside the lobby what they were getting into no way you wouldn't know oh my god this reminds me of a story one of my best friends Nate told me they were up in san francisco he and all of his high school buddies a good -sized fight broke out in the bar there was like six on six guys fighting and it was total chaos and his one buddy got hit so hard he fell on the ground and immediately shit himself and it was so bad that it broke the fight up like people were in the middle of fighting and then people were like oh my god what the fucking dead people were scattering and running out of the bar it actually broke up the fight i would hope so if you continued to fight amongst all this shit everywhere well i don't know if it had gotten out of his slacks or anything but the smell was too much that fresh dump that's not in the water can drive yeah it's strong what did the poor fiance did she join him in the ambulance or did she stay at the party do we No. I don't know I shouldn't go in the ambulance with him, but I think she drove herself to the hospital separately.

[703] Is there any post -script?

[704] Did you find out what his injuries were, what the fallout was, any of that?

[705] So the cops came because there was some question.

[706] The other couple who was out there when he jumped, they were just acting odd and left really quickly with, you know, to be fair after what they witnessed, I might want to leave too, but it just kind of was odd.

[707] I think they wanted to talk to them and make sure everything was on the up and up.

[708] And then the bride and groom had to come out and talk to the cop and her wedding gown and his talk.

[709] Oh, my God.

[710] Yeah, and then we awkwardly continued to party, which was odd.

[711] I left early after, I'm like, you know, this just feels weird.

[712] It took a turn.

[713] What a bummer.

[714] It took a hard turn.

[715] Sure, sharp left.

[716] It got really weird.

[717] The postcript is that the wedding was in July, and as far as I know, he was out of work until at least October.

[718] What?

[719] He had nerve damage in his wrist, and he had a death job so he couldn't type and he misaligned his jaw and he had a concussion and obviously lacerations and bruises everywhere and he definitely felt emotionally like a piece of shit I feel his pain in that sense he had to call and apologize to the groom yeah did he consider sobriety that's what I was thinking it sounds to me like someone who might need to be sober that's a pretty big consequence yeah you know I'm not sure I haven't seen him since I do know that he did end up marrying his fiance.

[720] Oh, she stood by him.

[721] Oh, okay.

[722] Yeah, I wasn't sure that was going to work out after that display.

[723] That's true love.

[724] When you do a swan dive up the mezzanine level and shit your pants in front of all your friends and a coworker and you hang in there, that's a devotion.

[725] That's a commitment.

[726] Devotion.

[727] To rich or poor, sickness and in health.

[728] Poop your pants or not.

[729] Yeah.

[730] Oh, Sarah.

[731] I feel jealous, to be honest with you.

[732] I think that's a great thing to witness.

[733] I mean, ultimately, are you happy you witness that whole thing?

[734] That's pretty traumatic, though.

[735] I hate the drama of those situations and people are scurrying about.

[736] And there's rubber knacking, but then there's people who want to get in there weirdly and make it about them.

[737] I don't want to put you on the spot, but I did have some instinctual thoughts just when you told me you had observed him and then offered him water.

[738] maybe you have some history with addiction in your family that you would have been all over that.

[739] Oh, yeah, my dad, my uncle, alcoholics.

[740] Sure, sure, sure.

[741] Okay, good, good, good.

[742] Yeah, so just when I heard the water, I was like, okay, at least have a hunch of why you have sputty senses.

[743] Yeah, I'm always trying to mother everybody, too.

[744] Right, right.

[745] Well, I'm sorry that happened and grateful because you got to talk to us.

[746] I remember the other thing that made me think of as Aaron and we were all in spring break in Florida.

[747] and we're walking down the street and someone's going like hey can you help this guy and we look and then this little gap between two buildings there's a dude who has no top on and shorts around his ankles and it's the biggest dump i've ever seen in my life he's laying on his side and he was clearly trying to get his pants down to go to the bathroom in the alley and then fell over because he was so drunk and then just evacuated on his side and it was so shocking the amount And the police had to come.

[748] And then we were lingering like, well, what are the cops going to do?

[749] They're going to put him in the car?

[750] And they had to wrap him in a blanket.

[751] But he still had excrement all over him.

[752] And they had to untangle his shorts.

[753] It was like a newborn baby.

[754] They found a newborn baby in this alley.

[755] And I just thought, this guy's going to come to in a jail cell tomorrow.

[756] God knows what they dressed him in because he had lost all of his gear.

[757] No shoes on, no socks.

[758] People are stressful.

[759] people let themselves go don't they yeah well sarah thank you so much for sharing that story with us that was a delight yes thank you thank you nice to meet both of you you too have a nice day okay bye sarah i've also in chicago got out of for a concert and there was a man drunk passed out on the sidewalk pants down with shit still in his butt cheeks oh why'd you look at his butt cheeks wrong you got him he was he was he was was just lying on the sidewalk in the middle of the...

[760] Rob looks at poopoo in people's butt sheets.

[761] I do, too.

[762] Absolutely.

[763] I got to see what's happening.

[764] What a delight.

[765] What a delight.

[766] I mean, a pregnant woman got roundhouse and put on the floor.

[767] A guy fucking swan dove off the mezzanine level.

[768] That could have been one of our 911 calls.

[769] Yes.

[770] And then I don't even want to call it catfish, but just...

[771] Yeah.

[772] And not, I don't want to call it bad actors either, just actors at a well.

[773] that's so wild it is really wild there's so many crazy stuff that goes down in this world the world's a wild place it is I'm scared of it and the arm cherries are here to witness it and report back we're grateful oh that was fun love you love you do you want to sing a tune or something or a theme song okay great we don't have a thing song for this new show so here I go go go.

[774] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armcherry's book and some suggestions, I'm a fly a rindish, on the flyer rindish, enjoy.

[775] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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