#1371 - Andrew Santino

[0] Two One Hi Andrew Santino What's up Mr. Rogan This is great It's still sober October Still sober You can have real drinks No I'm gonna have real drinks I'm gonna have some of this Cheers I'm gonna have some of this I can't zero zero It's good right Oh yeah that's pretty good I know you want to get fucked up But you can't How about that?

[1] I'm not gonna man How about that?

[2] I'm not gonna I need time for my stomach to clear out You could do sober October No you know I can't do that shit You can't do it?

[3] No A month?

[4] How about a week?

[5] I could do a week?

[6] I could do sober week.

[7] So you could do the first week of sober October.

[8] Yeah, I could do the first week this year, next year you do two weeks.

[9] If I'll do, I could do, I could do a sober, I could do a sober month, but October sucks for me. It's my birthday in October.

[10] So I don't want to take it off, you know.

[11] Also, I like drinking too much.

[12] You like it a lot.

[13] I can stop, I could stop weed and anything else.

[14] Not booze?

[15] No, I can't.

[16] Do you want to drink?

[17] Nah.

[18] I got booze right over there.

[19] No, my tummy's so sensitive still.

[20] Yeah, you're all a mess.

[21] Let's tell everybody what happened.

[22] So, no offense to hilarities, which is a great comedy club.

[23] We stopped there.

[24] Saturday night after our show in Cleveland, we went over to say hi to our friend Jesse May Paluso, who was headlining there.

[25] And what was the dude's name?

[26] Andrew.

[27] Andrew.

[28] I don't remember.

[29] Funny guy.

[30] Anyway.

[31] So we say hi to them, and they graciously, the owners of the club, graciously asked if we were hungry.

[32] We said, sure, we could eat.

[33] They have a nice menu.

[34] Why not?

[35] So I had the prime rib.

[36] It was excellent.

[37] And you had a steak with some vegetables.

[38] That's right.

[39] I had a bunch of vegetables on the side.

[40] This is probably around midnight.

[41] Uh -huh.

[42] And then we get on a plane at like six in the morning.

[43] We are flying back home.

[44] And I pass out.

[45] And then the lady wakes me up.

[46] It's like a movie.

[47] The lady wakes me up.

[48] And then I look over you, you're like, dude, I'm not good.

[49] I'm not good.

[50] I'm not doing good.

[51] I was dripping.

[52] What's matter?

[53] What happened?

[54] Like we had walked through the airport cracking jokes like we always do Having a great old time everything seemed normal He didn't seem sick at all He fell asleep tell everybody what happened I fall asleep I woke up like in fight club when you're like When he wakes up he's like on the plane like my breath caught myself And I sprinted to the bathroom and I was like so out of it And I think the head rush had got me all fucked up and I sat down And I blacked out and passed out for a second And I woke up and I'm throwing up I mean I am hurried woke up throwing up throwing up just as I wake up I'm spitting and I could and I'm like holding on to the sides like I can't believe what's like I can't I'm so disoriented and I walk out and I grab the flight attendant and I was like is there a doctor on the plane like I'm something something's fucking wrong like I don't feel good and right then my stomach was like burbling again and she's like oh my god you're like pale as a fucking ghost and I was like I'm like I'm like this bitch this is what I look like he's a ginger she goes go sit down I'll get somebody this nurse was on there this guy Garrett, super nice, and he's asked, he was right in front of us, like a row up, and he asked to switch seats with Joe, and he sat with me, and I was hurling, dude, dude, for the first time my life, I puked in those bags.

[55] You know, when you're like, nobody pukes in those fucking bags.

[56] I did it.

[57] I watched you.

[58] I puked in that fucking bag, like, three times.

[59] And then he saw undigested food in there.

[60] Tons of undigested food in there.

[61] And I was pretty sure it was food poisoning, because I've had food poisoning before, and sometimes it comes on pretty quick.

[62] You knocked it on the nose.

[63] Well, that's what he thought it was, too?

[64] He goes, he was asking me, he's like, what did you have last night?

[65] They said, I had two drinks at the show, and I had a couple of beers after with Jessamay and her friend.

[66] And he was like, did you take any street drugs?

[67] Yeah, that's what he said.

[68] He said, street drugs.

[69] Did you take any back alley drugs?

[70] I said, no, man. I swear to God, he thought I was lying.

[71] What about ditch?

[72] Any ditch drugs?

[73] You take any ditch drugs?

[74] Any forest drugs?

[75] Any sewer shit.

[76] So I told him the truth.

[77] I said, dude, I didn't take any drugs last night.

[78] And he was like, okay.

[79] And when he told me, he looked in there and he goes, oh, you have undigested food, which means your body's rejecting it without processing it.

[80] So it must be, you got a bug of some kind.

[81] because, dude, I was, when I talked, when I grabbed you and I go, bro, something's wrong.

[82] Like, this is not, it was very nerve -wracking because I was out of it.

[83] Yeah, you were totally asleep.

[84] And I was so confused.

[85] I was like, how?

[86] But you were okay?

[87] Yeah.

[88] I'm like, did you have a stroke?

[89] Dude, it was creepy.

[90] I felt for a second in the bathroom, like something medically was really, really wrong.

[91] My instinct was, oh, I must be, like, sick or something's wrong.

[92] But then when I kept, like, having this urge to yard, I was like, mm -mm, something's really going on.

[93] I was assuming that it was the vegetables, because, Because a lot of times people get it from poorly handled salad.

[94] Yeah.

[95] People get...

[96] It was bad.

[97] If they don't wash the leaves and everything real good, people can get food poisoning from salad.

[98] It's apparently one of the most common ways people get food poisoning.

[99] It was from salad and shit.

[100] Yeah.

[101] Well, dude, it was just, you know, and the guy was so nice.

[102] He sat with me the whole time, but he could tell.

[103] He was like, are you doing okay?

[104] And every couple of minutes, I'd feel like I had to throw...

[105] When water can't stay down, I think that's the key when you're like chugging water, chugging water.

[106] He's like, don't chug too fast.

[107] I'm like, why?

[108] he's like because and then I'm just like because of that bro fucking puking up water but uh the old red feels fine I feel fine now I would just that fucked me up bad and it's five hours from Cleveland so wasn't a wasn't a quick jump food poisoning is sketchy it sucks dude sucks it was awful man four or five times in my life it's never never good that's the second time the first time I had it was in college it was the worst thing ever it was way worse this was both ends this is when your mouth and back door when you're It's like a cartoon I had it in college from movie theater popcorn What?

[109] That's real shit Movie theater popcorn Give you food post Here's how we knew Me and this other dude We had totally different meals all day And this other friend of ours too And Long story short Whatever we both woke up sick The same time Like in the middle of the night And we had asked When I went to the doctor Finally the next day Because I was sick all day And the doctor was like Would you eat?

[110] I detailed it and he goes Oh yeah Sometimes the butter can be spoiled or rotten.

[111] Oh, actual butter?

[112] Yeah.

[113] Oh.

[114] Maybe that's why they use that fake -ass butter.

[115] Hell yeah.

[116] What is that fake -ass butter made out of?

[117] I don't fucking know.

[118] What the fuck is movie popcorn theater butter made out of if it's not real butter?

[119] Because most places don't have real butter.

[120] Jamie's laughing at my sicknesses.

[121] No, it's not.

[122] Movie popcorn.

[123] What do you think it is?

[124] It's like got to be some weird vegetable oil or something.

[125] It was weird.

[126] It was weird.

[127] Butter flavored oil, yeah.

[128] Butter flavor.

[129] Oily.

[130] Can't believe it's not butter.

[131] What is that?

[132] Margar.

[133] Bullshit.

[134] Well, they say.

[135] How bad.

[136] that stuff is for you trash people used to think margarine's the way to go like if you butter's terrible for you have some margarine margarine's non -dairy it's fucking horrible for you but all process oils you know what they're finding out from those fake meat burgers they fade them to rats they're giving them liver cancer pull up what what the study was yeah yeah one of those is beyond meat or impossible meat or not really meat whatever the fuck it is yeah not meat but looks like meat We're trying to make it look like meat.

[137] It's processed oils.

[138] With grill marks on it.

[139] Why do they do that shit?

[140] The weird shit, it's mostly oils.

[141] Yeah.

[142] It's like oils from vegetables.

[143] It's very strange.

[144] A lot of soy and shit like that.

[145] Vegetal, like those processed vegetable oils are terrible for you.

[146] You know what's good for you?

[147] Olive oil.

[148] That's a good vegetable oil.

[149] Avocado oil is good for you.

[150] But like all that other shit, like canola and all that stuff is fucking terrible for you.

[151] Is it because it's not naturally occurring?

[152] Rat feeding study suggests.

[153] the impossible burger may not be safe to eat.

[154] Scroll down.

[155] This is GMO science.

[156] It says, hold on a second.

[157] Make the little harder.

[158] Rats fed gen. Rats, what are you doing?

[159] What's going on with your phone?

[160] I'm trying to make it bigger and it's just going up.

[161] Rats.

[162] Stop moving.

[163] Go back.

[164] Jesus, Jamie.

[165] Stop.

[166] Go back.

[167] Go back.

[168] It's on back.

[169] No, it's not.

[170] Thank you.

[171] Thank you.

[172] Rats fed the genetic.

[173] No, the fucking text there, buddy.

[174] Rats fed the genetically modified.

[175] Yeast -derived protein, soy, whoa, say that word.

[176] Lehegema -globun.

[177] No, Lehegemeglobun.

[178] Lehegmeglobun.

[179] That sounds like an Irishman.

[180] Danny Mehegemogloben.

[181] He's a good boy.

[182] He's Danny McGregorne.

[183] The burger's key ingredient developed unexplained changes in weight gain and significant signs of toxicity and signs of toxicity.

[184] Why did I put the word significant in there?

[185] It felt right.

[186] It did.

[187] I'm an editor.

[188] Okay, unexplained changes in weight gain and signs of toxicity.

[189] And it said, The Impossible Burger is a plant -based burger, the key ingredient, which is a protein called soy, Le Hegmoglobin.

[190] S -L -H, derived from genetically modified yeast.

[191] A rat feeding study commissioned by the manufacturer, Impossible Foods found that rats -fed SLH developed unexplained changes in weight gain as well as changes in the blood that can indicate that the onset of insuffer.

[192] inflammation or kidney disease as well as possible signs of anemia.

[193] Holy shit.

[194] Impossible foods dismiss these statistically significant effects as non -adverse or having no toxicological relevance.

[195] That's so funny you can just dismiss things.

[196] They did a real study and they're like not real.

[197] Well, they're dismissing it because it's not convenient.

[198] I mean, it's real simple.

[199] I mean, you do rat studies doesn't necessarily mean it transfers to people.

[200] but that stuff is okay what's the ingredients let's find out what the fucking ingredients of these impossible because that's not the only thing that I've read I've read things by actual nutritionists they're saying look you want to be on a plant -based diet you should eat real foods you can eat healthy on a plant -based diet you can eat real vegetables and avocado and you know there's plenty of good stuff to eat coconut oils all this stuff is healthy for you but when you start making shit look like meat that's when shit gets squirrelly because you're finding all kinds of you're you're adding all sorts of processed food why'd you take that off the screen i don't want to be distracting while you were talking oh no that's okay so what what the fuck is in there top five ingredients calories four ounce serving which is pretty skimpy clocks in at 240 calories that's in the range of a beef burger depending on fat content cholesterol the impossible contains no cholesterol to compare a regular beef patty contains about 80 milligrams scroll up scroll up scroll up scroll up scroll up fat 14 grams includes eight grams of saturated fat which generally considered less healthy than unsaturated fat that's not true it's it's entirely dependent upon the source and it's entirely dependent upon like how you're eating like what you're eating yeah like the idea that saturated fat is bad for you this has all been debunked this is comparable to a beef burger mostly due to the coconut oil which is healthy for you fuckers this year the impossible replaced a portion of the coconut oil which is the highest in saturated fat god damn with sunfowlora which is way shittier for you which is an unsaturated fat god damn this you know talking to nutritionists on this podcast has been so enlightening but so confusing when you see the way that people still want to eat low fat you know and they like they don't understand like fats are important your body fucking needs them they're good for your brain and they're good for everything.

[201] Omega -3s, Omega -6s.

[202] That was the revolution of, like, I remember as a kid, everything became in like the late 80s and 90s, everything was lower fat, but it was higher sugar content, right?

[203] So it was just like, less fat, less fat, but they were just increasing the sugar.

[204] It was like, 1 % milk.

[205] That's the biggest joke when they were like.

[206] They put sugar in it.

[207] Less fat.

[208] Yeah, but they substituted it with tons of fucking sugar.

[209] Because it tastes terrible.

[210] Yeah, it tastes like shit without the fat.

[211] All those monsters that put low -fat milk in their coffee, who the fuck are you?

[212] Of shit.

[213] Who are you?

[214] They're tricked.

[215] They got tricked.

[216] They got tricked by this idea that you're supposed to have low fat.

[217] Find out.

[218] Pull up something.

[219] What is the impossible burger healthy?

[220] Is it healthy?

[221] Well, here's it, because here's the thing.

[222] They were pushed.

[223] That article obviously was siding with the impossible burger because they sided three, four items, and it was like soy protein, coconut, and something else.

[224] They don't really tell you how to process is that they make those.

[225] That's the thing.

[226] They won't say, well, here's how we derive these things and fucking process them.

[227] I was going to say, as before I even look, this up, I don't think that they're even marketing as being healthier.

[228] It's just an alternative for meat for people that really still want to eat it.

[229] Yeah, exactly.

[230] But is it healthy for you?

[231] I don't think that this is insane.

[232] I don't think they're even bothering.

[233] Yeah, it's, it's probably less healthy for you than a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, which is barely meat anyway.

[234] Not meat.

[235] I mean, right, they did all those studies about Taco Bell meat and they were like fucking barely meat.

[236] Taco Bell meat has, they have an acceptable amount of filler that they're allowed to have.

[237] It's just nonsense.

[238] It's some nutty number.

[239] Like pull out, what's the acceptable number of Taco Bell filter.

[240] I had a friend that worked at a fast food restaurant, I'm not going to name, and their great -created meat was like G, I believe.

[241] It was G -grade, which is lower than dog food or something like that.

[242] But, like, shit still taste it okay.

[243] I mean, if you're hungry, you'll shove it down your fucking mall.

[244] You fucking need it.

[245] Did you see what happened at this World Series game the other day?

[246] Did you see the news?

[247] No. They introduced Trump and the first lady, and they got booed.

[248] Do you know this?

[249] Yeah, it's going around last thing.

[250] There's two different versions of story I saw.

[251] CNN was saying that they were yelling out, lock her up.

[252] But then...

[253] I didn't hear that.

[254] Another thing was saying they were saying lock him up.

[255] Yeah, I saw it lock him up.

[256] I think it was lock him up is what they were chanting.

[257] CNN had it where they were saying people were chanting, lock her up.

[258] I just said the other thing, too, is he was generally the president throws out the first pitch.

[259] Yeah.

[260] And he didn't do that because he's already thrown one out somewhere and it's been, it didn't look very good.

[261] Terrible.

[262] You want to talk about those?

[263] We got some clips in the vault.

[264] of people that can't throw baseballs on the first pitch.

[265] Oh, you mean Jud Appetal?

[266] It's my favorite fucking clip.

[267] Him and Gary Delabate.

[268] Him, 50 cent.

[269] There's a few people that have fucking...

[270] No, I can't right now.

[271] I'm good.

[272] Well, your stomach?

[273] Yeah, I don't want to fucking...

[274] I don't want to fuck with it.

[275] Really?

[276] Is that bad, bro?

[277] It's fine, but I don't want to...

[278] I'm not...

[279] I don't want to dance on the edge.

[280] Ooh, these are...

[281] Did you see what I tweeted?

[282] I tweeted this morning.

[283] Burr and...

[284] CNN, I typed and lock her up.

[285] It's just to put him up.

[286] Hold on, Burr and Burr and, uh, and Kreischer have a podcast now called Bill and Burt Podcasts.

[287] And I made fun of them, you should pull up the image for it because they fucking, they have a cigar and a glass of whiskey in their icon, but I go, what is up with this cigar dick you guys got as your fucking image?

[288] Look at this thing.

[289] Look at that.

[290] What's up with that cigar cock?

[291] That is not.

[292] I go, you got to get someone to reanimate that, bro.

[293] That is a weird looking cigar.

[294] That looks like a dick.

[295] It looks like a fucking dick, dude.

[296] Why is it all rounded off at the time?

[297] tip.

[298] That's what I said to.

[299] The Bill Burt podcast.

[300] All those people, whoever you're hiring in all things comedy, pay them some real money.

[301] They're mad at you.

[302] They're mad at you and they're making things look like dicks.

[303] He's fucking, wait, so what did it say?

[304] Did it say, lock him up or lock her up?

[305] Is lock him up, right?

[306] He'd lock him up as what I was saying, yeah.

[307] They booed the president.

[308] Has that ever happened at a fucking baseball game?

[309] No, people are very riled up.

[310] Man, they love, yeah.

[311] Well, here was the other thing that I saw they had a connected thing article you know that I was reading with that that said 51 % of America is pro impeachment but I was like where does that fucking poll come from yeah who's did they ask you no they didn't ask me yeah so what the who the fuck said all those polls here's here's the problem with polls the only people that answer polls are assholes right right if they call you up and go hey Cheeto what do you uh what do you think about this you go this is what I think don't call me yeah they leave me the fuck alone fuck you who even can can you see who conducted that poll that nonsense the impeachment point I'm glad you called because I have some very relevant opinions about this impeachment.

[312] If we go back to Nixon and you really take pay attention to the Nix administration, it's arguable that Trump has been more egregious with his breaking of the Constitution.

[313] I'm so exhausted.

[314] I wish there was no issues.

[315] This is what I wish.

[316] I wish there was no one trying to steal.

[317] There was no one trying to cheat on their taxes.

[318] Kill.

[319] Everybody was just doing their best and helping each other out.

[320] It's a nice, small, healthy, vibrant, community of people supporting each other.

[321] Fox News poll 51 % of voters favor impeachment and removing President Trump from office.

[322] That's not good.

[323] That's a Fox poll.

[324] When Fox says that?

[325] Yeah, that's fuck.

[326] That's kind of fuck.

[327] In July it was 42%.

[328] But I'm saying from where, I need to know where those come from.

[329] Wow, but look at that.

[330] Impeached but not removed in July it was 5%.

[331] And now it's 4%.

[332] Now most people favor him being removed.

[333] Again.

[334] I get, I don't know, who says whom.

[335] Sometimes there's good stuff at sporting events.

[336] So the other funny thing that happened was the, those girls showed their tits.

[337] Did you see that?

[338] That was hilarious.

[339] These two girls are behind home plate and they're both flashing their tits.

[340] They both got banned from Major League Baseball for life.

[341] And she tweeted and she was like, worth it.

[342] It is worth it.

[343] It's awesome.

[344] Sure, she's insta famous now.

[345] Yeah, to her and this other girlfriend of hers, I think somebody told me they're starting a smut magazine or something.

[346] That was their promo.

[347] Good for them.

[348] Get a nice broad sponsorship.

[349] breast cancer awareness Yeah somebody said They started a magazine or something though Yeah Okay That they got a company on the rise Good for them Yeah they show their tits behind home plate How many girls make a living Just showing their body To like Patreon Instagram is all Is all dancing on the line of Like legal picture prostitution Well the best Case of it is Twitter Because Twitter they allow you You can take it in the ass Yeah On Twitter There's a lot of gals that I have to be real careful if I hand my kids one of my phones.

[350] They don't open up that fucking Twitter app because in the feed...

[351] Daddy, somebody messaged you.

[352] There's dirty, dirty girls.

[353] Yeah, there's filthy.

[354] Take it right in the key store.

[355] Well, I love that Twitter.

[356] Twitter doesn't give a fuck.

[357] That's my favorite part about Twitter.

[358] They couldn't care less.

[359] They're like, go for it.

[360] Well, here's what I love about them.

[361] Kyle Dunnigan, when he did that animated thing with Michael Jackson.

[362] Did you see that?

[363] Yeah, I saw it.

[364] I loved it.

[365] Amazing.

[366] Instagram pulled it down.

[367] Kyle Dunnigan, the funniest fucking guy on Instagram.

[368] Yeah.

[369] They pulled it off of Instagram, but Twitter did not.

[370] Yeah.

[371] Shout out to Twitter for that.

[372] Yeah, hardcore Twitter cool for that shit.

[373] What was that?

[374] Would you show me?

[375] This is the like the Patreon's website.

[376] It's called OnlyFans that they, some of those people use, not everyone, but this is like showing some of the numbers that they've already been paying out.

[377] Eight million registered users?

[378] 70 ,000 content creators paid out to creators $150 million.

[379] Paid out to referers, three million, referers.

[380] So you, Cheeto?

[381] I think if you...

[382] I think if you...

[383] I think if I refer, I get a pay, I get a kick.

[384] You get a kick.

[385] Hell yeah.

[386] $3 million?

[387] $5 % commission on all referrals, pay -per -view, messaging, and tips, live streaming feature, that's interesting.

[388] See, who could have a problem with that?

[389] If you don't have a problem with people being naked, I don't, you don't.

[390] If you don't have a problem with people taking naked pictures, I don't, you don't.

[391] Who would have a problem with that?

[392] Not at all.

[393] That seems like the best alternative to prostitution for a lot of these gals.

[394] I think, in the world of sex work, I think that, That makes the most sense because this is a legit protected legal way for them to go, Hey, do you want to see me get naked at my house?

[395] Yeah.

[396] Give me some fucking money and I'll do it.

[397] Yeah, and no one should really have a problem with it, right?

[398] There's nothing.

[399] I mean, what could be, I don't, like, what could be the debatable problem with it?

[400] Smut.

[401] People that think it's eroding the fabric of our society.

[402] The Westboro Baptist Church, man. Yeah.

[403] I think Kanye West would have an issue with it.

[404] He doesn't like porn anymore.

[405] Well, he doesn't like cuss words now, too.

[406] Yeah, he's done with that.

[407] No cuss words now on the albums.

[408] Well, he's starting a new cult.

[409] Yeah, he is.

[410] It's clear.

[411] He's on his way.

[412] It's probably going to be huge.

[413] You think it's going to be like a Scientology -sized thing at some point?

[414] Where it's going to be like people go to a place.

[415] I mean, it seems like he's doing it for free, though.

[416] You know, I mean, he's got a shit ton of money, and so does his gal.

[417] Yeah, but, I mean...

[418] He likes business opportunities.

[419] He does, but I mean, I think it probably opens up the doors for his other businesses, like his yeasies and his clothes and all that shit.

[420] I said that merch wasn't free.

[421] The show is free Right Yeah what's what I'm saying It opens up the opportunities For that stuff So he does the show And then people like You know What do I have to do to be in the cult Give yourself a pair of 11 Yeasies Just gotta show up with Yeas We'll let you in That's all it is You buy your way in You'd get in You'd get in I think You support all that shit So much You love it It's kind of easy To start a cult these days It really kind of is Well there's so many of them now There's so many semi -cults.

[422] You know, there's like, there's people that have followings.

[423] Right.

[424] You know, that they, they, you know, they somebody could argue this is a cult, though.

[425] People could argue that you've cultivated a cult.

[426] You could argue that, however, there's absolutely no membership rituals.

[427] You do whatever the fuck you want.

[428] No one's calling it a cult.

[429] No. You know what I'm saying?

[430] Some people call it a cult.

[431] Like, they'll say, they'll say like, hey, this is Santino Nation, where, you know, people do stuff like that, right?

[432] Right, right.

[433] This is a, nation.

[434] Like they'll use their name and they'll say nation, which is, ooh, our army.

[435] This is the Santino Army.

[436] You're part of the Santino Army.

[437] Yeah.

[438] We're on it together.

[439] We're in.

[440] Very suspect thinking.

[441] We'll do whatever he says.

[442] Very, very suspect thinking.

[443] Like that kind of shit.

[444] Well, it just gives weight.

[445] People obey people's word a little bit too much without knowing shit.

[446] So they just are like, it's something to hold on to.

[447] So maybe if their lives are shitty and dull and boring, they hear something and they're like, I agree with a good amount of that.

[448] And then they fucking latch on to it.

[449] That's where it gets scary.

[450] Because then people can convince you to do anything.

[451] We were talking about those guys, the proud boy shit.

[452] We were talking about that this weekend.

[453] Yeah, if you start a group, the thing about groups is you're now, say if you're the leader, like let's say you start the Red Boys.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Okay.

[456] The Ginge Boys.

[457] You're the leader.

[458] You're the founder and the leader of the Red Boys.

[459] Yeah.

[460] But if you just let any ginger in the group, there's a lot of wacky genders out there.

[461] I say the majority of them.

[462] And when people join groups and you start this group and there's.

[463] saying I'm acting as one of the red boys well you're now sort of in some way connected to whatever the fuck they do yeah so if they decide to get radicalized and do a bunch of really fucked up things you know go after people who don't have red hair whatever the fuck they decided to do you're now at least somehow connected to them yeah because i started the shit yes i mean that's yeah that's creepy though it is it's fucking there's groups of people there's too many too many uh but but i think like the influence online is what's creepy to me is people People can, you know, people like, remember meetups?

[464] Meetups have somewhat gone away, but like at one point people were doing these meetups where, like, kids that were famous on Instagram, they just love the idea of being like, come meet me at this park at 12th and fucking thousands of people would go.

[465] Well, you see what Kevin Hart used to do?

[466] Used to have people run with them?

[467] No. Like, meet me, we're going to do, we're going to run a 5K.

[468] Shut up.

[469] What do you do that?

[470] Yeah, man. That's insane.

[471] Tons of strangers.

[472] Oh, yeah.

[473] Nah, so stupid.

[474] You never seen it?

[475] Uh -uh.

[476] Why would he do that?

[477] See, if you got a video of it, Kevin Hart.

[478] You would do it at shows.

[479] Like, save.

[480] he would show up in Milwaukee or whatever and he had a concert who was doing there he would set up like a 5K and they would all run.

[481] No fuck that.

[482] Well he's trying to he's a positive guy and he's trying to promote positive things like health and fitness and just getting active.

[483] You could do that without inviting people to run with you.

[484] I don't want anybody fucking run with me too.

[485] You don't run anyway.

[486] Yes I do.

[487] Do you?

[488] How often?

[489] Every two or three days.

[490] Really?

[491] Yeah.

[492] Where do you run?

[493] In the neighborhood?

[494] No shit.

[495] I run a minimum of four, but an average of like, maybe five or six.

[496] I don't go near eight.

[497] You're a silent runner.

[498] You don't tell anybody.

[499] Fuck no. I do everything silent.

[500] He's Kevin Hart running by a lake.

[501] That's a beautiful lake.

[502] Where is that, Jamie?

[503] That's cool.

[504] There's a DC.

[505] Look at all those people.

[506] Yay, everybody seems so happy.

[507] Yeah, they did.

[508] You're all healthy, running.

[509] That girl, the bottom right, I don't think she's running.

[510] No, I want to know how many people were there that didn't run.

[511] That were just like, we showed up.

[512] Most of them.

[513] Yeah.

[514] But look at that.

[515] That's a positive thing right there.

[516] Nike gave him a fat shot.

[517] check for this.

[518] You think so?

[519] This is all Nike.

[520] Fuck yeah.

[521] Oh, there's a Nike logo up there.

[522] This is Nike .com.

[523] Yes.

[524] This is all Nike, dude.

[525] Oh.

[526] Hmm.

[527] This is some executive at Nike.

[528] Now I'm not so excited.

[529] Uh -huh.

[530] Some goes, Kev, we got the idea.

[531] Forget about it.

[532] The fact, look, he's a businessman.

[533] It's a positive.

[534] It's a positive.

[535] On top of it.

[536] I want to show you something.

[537] I saw this on the toilet this morning.

[538] This made me think, look at how crazy this is.

[539] This guy, you could look this up.

[540] This guy, they pulled a cop, pulled him over, thought he was drunk, and He blew, he, like, blew, and he turns out he was brewing beer in his own stomach.

[541] Yes, I heard about this guy.

[542] I thought of you this morning I wanted, I was like, growing alcohol in his own body.

[543] It's a rare syndrome called, uh, auto brew, auto brew, something?

[544] You have, you have to look it up.

[545] It's fucking insane.

[546] No one believed him when he said he hadn't been drinking.

[547] Then researchers found his body was producing alcohol.

[548] That guy on the right, it looks like his body's producing alcohol.

[549] Yeah, right now.

[550] Swollen.

[551] Taking shots.

[552] Interesting, man. researchers at Richmond University Medical Center in New York eventually discovered that the man was telling the truth he wasn't downing beers or cocktails instead there was yeast in his gut that was likely converting carbohydrates in the food he ate to alcohol in other words his body was brewing beer that's fuck auto brewery syndrome auto brewery syndrome is that common ABS no there's gut fermentation syndrome how many fucking people have them I've never heard of it before lady two years, three years ago.

[553] Whoa.

[554] Women claims her body bruise alcohol has DUI charged, dismissed.

[555] But was she hammered?

[556] That dude in the previous article was two and a half times the legal limit.

[557] This was four times the legal limit.

[558] She blew it, right?

[559] But was she feeling the effects of it?

[560] Or is it just in her blood?

[561] No, it's in their blood.

[562] He doesn't feel it.

[563] They, it just, I don't think you exert any symptoms of being drunk.

[564] I think it's just...

[565] Really?

[566] Are you guessing?

[567] Yeah, I think that's what the article said.

[568] I'm in touch with 30 people believe they have the same syndrome, about 10 of them are diagnosed with it, said Panola College Dean of Nursing Barbara Cordell, who has studied the syndrome for years.

[569] They can function at alcohol levels such as 0 .30 and 0 .40 when the average person becomes comatose or dying.

[570] Yeah, these people are functioning.

[571] Part of the mystery of the syndrome is how they can have these extremely high levels and still be walking around and talking.

[572] Well, this bitch needs to talk to drunks.

[573] We know a lot of people.

[574] We know a lot of people who could function.

[575] Who do you know that Kurt Kreischer?

[576] Burt Kreischer probably does everything he does at like 50 .0.

[577] 0 .50.

[578] He's a light weights.

[579] He also had this.

[580] If he had ABS and he drinks like he drinks.

[581] See my Instagram?

[582] Picture Bert today?

[583] He looks good.

[584] He looks fucking great.

[585] He looks really good.

[586] That's legit.

[587] Yeah.

[588] You know, and Whitney was like, what Instagram filters this?

[589] Like, unless he's doing what some of my wife's friends do, my wife's friends are fucking they're cartoonists.

[590] Look at that Were they able to like Photoshop and all that shit?

[591] They're not really taking pictures They're cartoonists Yeah These bitches run filters on these pictures And they shrink their legs down Right And they fuck with their friends Like they make their friends butt a little smaller Or their arms a little bigger Really that's so diabolical man They do weird things But you ever think to do anything like They make their friends chin Just a little Give them a fucking double chin A little Jalen I wish They definitely do that to each other And they call each other up Hey take this one down I don't like how my waist looks No, you look great.

[592] No, you look amazing.

[593] That Bert picture, by the way, the lighting is pretty fucking good.

[594] I'm not going to lie.

[595] Go back to the picture.

[596] There's almost nothing you could do about the side handles.

[597] No, but that lighting is good.

[598] Save it.

[599] Look at his side.

[600] His sides.

[601] Wait, that looks a little manipulated there, Jamie.

[602] What is that?

[603] It's not manipulated.

[604] It's not manipulated.

[605] Trust me. Bert is not that guy.

[606] He's not smart enough to do that.

[607] No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.

[608] He's not a liar.

[609] Like, look, Bert would not do that.

[610] That's what he looks like.

[611] He's been fucking working out hard.

[612] He has.

[613] like 2 .25.

[614] Look at it.

[615] Ari wrote there, he's raising his arms and sucking his belly.

[616] Tell him to post and inaction side shot of him on stage.

[617] Ari, such a hater.

[618] Well, they've got some beef now after the dosing episode.

[619] Well, Bert should have beat.

[620] Not Ari.

[621] Yeah.

[622] Arri's just mad that it didn't land the way he wanted.

[623] Like, Ari's upset that Bert didn't laugh it off and have fun of it.

[624] Who the fuck laughs off getting dosed with me?

[625] Trust me, dude.

[626] No, buddy.

[627] Dosed me would be fucking I think they should fight it out and let him fucking slug it out a little while I think Byrd wants to fucking kill him for that Who would you win that fight?

[628] It would be a fun fight to watch Because early, Ari's squirly He's got that like He's like lanky and long and fucking He could put up a good fight Bert's got the bird's got probably the Bert's got probably you know Maybe a reach on him I don't know how much taller he is Well Ari is very tall Yeah he's tall He's what is Arii like 6 -3 Yeah he's a jit -to background too A little bit right A little bit A little bit.

[629] A little bit.

[630] A little bit.

[631] I bought him a year.

[632] He probably went.

[633] He went until he got staff.

[634] And that was about basically the end of his career.

[635] That's when most people would quit.

[636] He got a bad staff infection on his knee, man. It was horrible.

[637] Swole up.

[638] Like he was walking with a limp.

[639] That shit can kill you.

[640] Oh yeah.

[641] He didn't even know he had it.

[642] He thought it was a mosquito, a spider bite.

[643] And he just let it go for a while?

[644] We were playing pool.

[645] And he was walking around with a limp.

[646] I'm like, what's wrong with your leg?

[647] And he goes, I got a spider bite.

[648] And, you know, obviously, I've done jujitsu forever.

[649] And I know that sometimes people think, think it's a spider bite and it's staff so I said let me see he pulls his knee up I go dude and I unscrew my pool queue I go go go to the emergency room right now I go you have a bad staff infection yeah he thought I was fucking with him he's like you serious I'm like I am dead serious this can kill you I'm not kidding his fucking knee was all swollen yeah he had up like a real clear staff infection I'm like dude you got I'm telling you I'm not a doctor but that is fucking staff and then he was angry and he had a really good point he's like why don't they have signs in the gym yeah like you take jiu jitsu and it's up to everybody to tell you what staff is.

[650] Because Junior Dos Santos just pulled out of his fight.

[651] He was supposed to fight Alexander Volkov, but he got nasty staff in his leg, like his lower leg, like his calf area, all swollen and red and funky, because he got a staff infection.

[652] The same thing.

[653] He was like, why is it?

[654] It hurts.

[655] It's like painful.

[656] Like you thought, like, maybe, like, you know, sometimes he clashes.

[657] Sure.

[658] You do it a lot.

[659] But you get a cut and then it just gets infected.

[660] Yeah, yeah.

[661] Like my cousin had MRSA.

[662] You know what MRSA is?

[663] Oh, yeah.

[664] That's the worst.

[665] It's the worst.

[666] That's the worst.

[667] That's the worst version of, it's like staff turns into MRSA.

[668] Well, it's, no, it's medication resistant staff.

[669] Right.

[670] Staff of Klaus, whatever the call.

[671] But it's like the medication stuff.

[672] Extreme version.

[673] Yes, well, it's staff that you find in hospitals, unfortunately.

[674] Right.

[675] Because a lot of times that kind of staff is immune to medication.

[676] He doesn't even know how he got it.

[677] But, I mean, it's stuff, that can, you can fucking lose like a hand and shit over it.

[678] Yeah, one of my wife's friends got staff and she went into a fucking coma.

[679] She started having seizures.

[680] She got it from a gym, from a dirty gym.

[681] Just like lifting weights and shit.

[682] Sitting down those machines doing like lap pull downs.

[683] She got a little scratch.

[684] Something happened.

[685] Next thing you know, she has this infection.

[686] Doesn't know what it is.

[687] It gets systemic.

[688] And next thing you know, she's fucking going into shock.

[689] You know, her body's freaking out.

[690] That's why when I use, like, the gym I go to is like immaculate clean and I still walk around.

[691] Like even in the bathroom, I'm in fucking flip -flops.

[692] I'm never, ever.

[693] Since playing high school sports, you learn.

[694] It's like my dad was always like, don't be fucking walk around.

[695] around those locker rooms you get cuts on your feet you have shit splat you're you're bound to get something something nasty.

[696] One of Callan's friends' wives died from it.

[697] From a infection on her staff.

[698] They were trying to go all homeopathic.

[699] They were like trying to cure with like fucking parsley and herbs and shit.

[700] Smacking it with leaves.

[701] Callan went over the house and she was bleeding from her gums.

[702] Oh my God.

[703] And he was like what the fuck is going on?

[704] You got to get her to a hospital.

[705] Yeah.

[706] She died.

[707] They just refused to go to the doctor.

[708] I don't know man. I don't know the whole story.

[709] Callen told it to me years ago.

[710] He told it to me when I first got it.

[711] staff and I was like what and I remember I was on heavy doses of antibiotics to the point where like like I was fuzzy like everything was fuzzy like everything was like confusing he couldn't think straight oh my god my brain was dog shit because believe it or not your gut like what's inside your gut affects your personality it affects your ability to think your energy levels and when you're on when you have staff they fucking dose you up son yeah with heavy duty antibiotics.

[712] And I couldn't believe that people fight on that sometimes.

[713] They fight on antibiotics when they have staff.

[714] Because you're just not in, you're just totally out of it.

[715] I couldn't believe it.

[716] I could barely make a fist.

[717] I'm like how the fuck did anybody fight like this?

[718] Luke Rockhold beat Chris Weidman for the UFC middleweight title when he was on staff medication.

[719] Which is like, totally fucking incredible.

[720] Could function on it.

[721] Like on a...

[722] He fucking beat Chris Weidman.

[723] That's fucking insane.

[724] I have no idea how he did it.

[725] He had like a nasty staff infection.

[726] He wound up actually getting a chunk of meat removed from his shin and it's it's fucked him up so bad like to this day when he fights and he only fought once with this he has to have like a wrap over his entire shin and he had skin grafts and all kinds of shit and didn't totally take so he has to have he has like an open wound on his shin like forever so he has like this big bandage over his shin and then everything's wrapped up and then he puts like a sleeve over it like a compressor to protect the skin Yeah, a compression sleeve over his calf and shin.

[727] There's so much of that shit that's in sports, like, what's it called, it was always around high schools.

[728] They're always worried about people getting it from, like, water fountains and shit.

[729] Do you know what I'm talking about?

[730] Herpes?

[731] Crabbs?

[732] Yeah, herpes.

[733] Menigitis?

[734] Menigitis, yeah.

[735] I knew a kid in high school that had meningitis.

[736] He lost a hand and a foot from meningitis, from like a high school shit, because you're around all these kids with all these fucking diseases and sicknesses.

[737] It's like a little incubator.

[738] Her kid got paralyzed from getting meningitis from one of those fucking.

[739] fucking water parks.

[740] Well, that's why usually, it comes from something, water, it happens in water a lot, apparently.

[741] You know, you get, that water gets in your ears and gets in your fucking mouth.

[742] There was a comic who died from meningitis.

[743] Do we, the fuck is his name?

[744] Yeah, God damn it.

[745] Red -headed kid, really nice guy.

[746] Me?

[747] No. No, kid from New York.

[748] God damn it.

[749] He was flying out to do Fantasy Island.

[750] Jerry Red Wilson.

[751] Jerry Wilson.

[752] Yeah, he died from Men and John.

[753] He was apparently in the doctor's office, but it was taking too long to get seen by the doctor.

[754] He's waiting for like 45 minutes.

[755] Like, fuck this.

[756] I'm getting out of here.

[757] And he left him on up dying.

[758] Holy shit.

[759] How did he get it?

[760] Do you know how he got it for?

[761] Do not know.

[762] He was a nice guy, too, man. Funny kid, too.

[763] And his career was just starting to take off.

[764] This is like in the 90s.

[765] That's kind of...

[766] I knew him from New York.

[767] Yeah.

[768] We knew each other from the clubs.

[769] And then he came out here.

[770] I had been living out here for like a year or so.

[771] And he came out here.

[772] And he was like...

[773] shit was popping for him.

[774] He had a development deal to do a TV show.

[775] He was doing the new fantasy island.

[776] Do you remember when they had Fantasy Island?

[777] I know it, yeah.

[778] They brought it back.

[779] He was doing the new fantasy island.

[780] And then he just refused to fucking get on a plane.

[781] He got on a plane and I think he actually flew to Hawaii to do the show.

[782] And when he got out there, he was fucked.

[783] By the time he got there, he was fucked.

[784] It's always said when you hear people that like, I don't know if he had instruct, you know, not that he did, but you know when people have instructions to not get on a plane, this happens all the time.

[785] People like, that shit, and then they die because of it.

[786] It's like that dude that was in Dave Matthews band.

[787] What happened?

[788] He had surgery.

[789] You got to look it up to make sure I'm not fucking out of my butt.

[790] Are you making things up?

[791] Yeah, making it up.

[792] It's fun to make things up.

[793] Remember the old days?

[794] Yeah, you didn't have to worry about it.

[795] Just make it up all day.

[796] Drink a beer, talking shit.

[797] People just tell you lies.

[798] And you're like, whoa, I didn't know that you can get cancer from that.

[799] Yeah, sure can.

[800] Give me another beer, Jimmy.

[801] Yeah, he died.

[802] I think he had surgery and he got on a plane.

[803] Right.

[804] There he is.

[805] Leroy Moore, right?

[806] Leroy Moore.

[807] And he got on a fucking plane after the doctors told him not to fucking fly and he did and then he died.

[808] 2008.

[809] Because he had some kind of weird surgery, right?

[810] He had an accident on his ATV.

[811] Right.

[812] Punctured lung.

[813] Maybe it was that because the air pressure.

[814] He died from that?

[815] Wow.

[816] Oh, pneumonia.

[817] Blood clots.

[818] He got pneumonia.

[819] Those six of different.

[820] He died from a blood clot the coroner's office to determine his cause of death to be pneumonia.

[821] Wow Fuck But I don't know if it's gonna say it on there I'm almost positive that they told him not to get on a fucking plane and he did anyway Bro, how much does it take How many years does it take off a flight attendant's life I mean they look they all look so sad now They look sadder than they did when I was young Why is that dude they all look so fucking sad Did it get with it did the pay get worse It can't be good No it never was good But the people used to do it usually Because they were like I could fly for free and so can everybody in my family But now everyone I see Every flight we take They look fucking miserable Maybe it's you You're handing out barf bags and shit I know Throwing up all of yourself in the bathroom Clean this stuff Bluff Bluff Even the ones that Like even the ones that I'm I have a good feeling about Even they seem like bum the fuck out Yeah I don't I just like Even when I'm like Hey how you doing they're like Hi do you want something before we leave I just feel like that's a It's a tough tough gig man That's a tough fucking gig To constantly be like You know what it really is?

[822] Because people are such pieces of shit and we're becoming more pieces of shit.

[823] Like, nobody obeys any of the fucking rules about like overhead space and any of that stuff.

[824] And I think it's extreme now because people are like, I'm not checking my fucking bag.

[825] It is.

[826] I'll stuff it in the roof.

[827] People don't get a little cunty though.

[828] Some lady and this guy got a little cunty with me on the flight over because all the overhead bins were full.

[829] And I was in one row and they were like four rows behind me and I went back there and I moved some stuff around and put my bag up there and the guy's like you think he would use the bin that's above his head right I'm like don't you think I would if it was open like don't you look like look at all these bags you don't see all these bags people people are people cop attitudes and they get mad at the this was insane we were in Denver coming back and um a dude they had canceled the flight and a dude was losing it on the gate attendant you know he was like you fucking you fucking asshole like going off and everyone's kind of like turned like fucking pissed that this guy's losing on this asshole in a public space like this for no reason and this dude is sitting on the floor and I can tell he's like kind of bobbing and he's like reeling and then finally he pipes up he goes hey go fly another fucking airline it's not this guy's fucking fault and then this guy was like oh what do you care about it he's like dude it's not his fault if you got an issue with it let's go take a walk and you could tell his his alpha fucking step up scared this dude to death and he was like don't fucking yell that guy.

[830] That guy has nothing to do with it.

[831] They're cunts.

[832] Any guy who yells at someone some flight attendant or someone who works at the desk, it's not their call.

[833] They don't get to make the call.

[834] They're employees.

[835] That guy at the desk, he has nothing.

[836] He doesn't and by the way, he doesn't care.

[837] He's like, dude, I get paid fucking hourly.

[838] I'm barely here.

[839] He's not pretending he runs Delta or NIDO.

[840] But I love what the guy said, he goes, go fly another fucking airline.

[841] Because the guy kept saying, he goes, you guys do this all the time.

[842] And the dude on the ground goes, go fly another airline, bud.

[843] There's a ton of them if you're so unhappy.

[844] It's like, don't fucking yell at those.

[845] You have to deal with the conflict and the heat in the air.

[846] It was thick, it was nice.

[847] Well, I went up to him.

[848] I was like, dude, that's cool that you said that.

[849] And he goes, well, like, I was a piece of shit.

[850] I was like, you know, because it's like somebody should say something.

[851] I know, but it's that leap before you say something.

[852] Like, do you want to tell this guy to shut the fuck up?

[853] Because then he's my problem.

[854] Yep.

[855] Right now it's not my problem.

[856] Nope.

[857] That's what I mean.

[858] It's like, do I want to step into that world where this asshole then becomes a thing with me and then it's a whole thing Well, it could become violence Yeah, you never know It's just, and you don't know these You don't know this freak If he's that dumb that he's yelling At some lady that works there Or some guy that works there Exactly He's a fucking moron Who knows what kind of shitty judgment That guy's gonna have He did, he was bald with a ponytail If that says everything That's everything That's a terrible look You know that guy Unless he's Tong Poe, stop it Stop it Bald ponytail is such a choice Why would you do that?

[859] Why would you do bald ponytail It's so funny man Does there a girl out there that fucks guys only who are bald with ponytail?

[860] Sadly, yeah.

[861] Come on.

[862] Sadly, someone fucks the bald ponytail guy.

[863] How's that work?

[864] What's his game?

[865] Money.

[866] Speaking of bald ponytail, did you see what happened in the game when LeBron's hair fell off?

[867] Somebody showed me a photo but I thought that looked so...

[868] Was that real?

[869] No, it's real.

[870] Look, the guy is a fucking billionaire.

[871] He's a god amongst men.

[872] He's a giant super athlete with a really well -shaped head.

[873] What the fuck, man?

[874] Shave your head, buddy.

[875] Shave your goddamn head.

[876] Pull up that picture because I want to see the fuck it.

[877] He's got some nonsense glued on his head.

[878] It's like not his hair.

[879] He has a toupee?

[880] Look at that.

[881] Look at that.

[882] His hair moved up and someone had to tell him.

[883] He says, oh, thanks, bro.

[884] So you get the bandana back in place.

[885] His hair moved.

[886] Wait, why did he?

[887] Yeah, he's got some shit glued on his head.

[888] Bro, the guy, he's handsome.

[889] He's a superior physical specimen.

[890] The bronze hair falls out during game.

[891] Oh, God.

[892] Go full screen.

[893] Terrible.

[894] Anthony Davis is telling him, Hey, dog, your hair's up.

[895] Your hair fell off, dog.

[896] Oh, he did tell him.

[897] Yeah.

[898] Hey.

[899] Oh, he's pointing to hair.

[900] He says someone's up with your hair.

[901] He's laughing.

[902] Are they friends?

[903] Yeah.

[904] He's the only guy.

[905] So I was telling you, he's the only guy on a team that could probably tell him that anybody else would get traded immediately.

[906] Look at him.

[907] He was fucking with his hair.

[908] Oh, shit.

[909] Oh, shit.

[910] And last night, he didn't have the headband on.

[911] He had somebody to fix it up nice.

[912] Oh, God.

[913] He did have the headband.

[914] been on?

[915] No, did not last night.

[916] Look, look at his, that's nonsense.

[917] What's going on with his hair?

[918] Hey, hey, something won't with your hair.

[919] Yo dog, he's laughing.

[920] Yo, dog, got to fix that.

[921] Just so weird.

[922] Like, why why does he want to deal with that?

[923] You know it is?

[924] Because he hasn't accepted it yet.

[925] Yeah, but also, he's still young.

[926] He's 35.

[927] Whatever.

[928] Yeah, I know, but in his mind, he's like, I gotta still be the young guy.

[929] Yeah, but shave your fucking head.

[930] That's like John Sina grew his hair out now.

[931] I saw him on a fucking billboard, and he has long hair, and he always had like short military cut, you know?

[932] He's trying to be a family man. I know, he wants to be that guy.

[933] You're talking about the movies he's doing now.

[934] It's like a kids firefighter movie or some bullshit.

[935] Oh, come on, dude.

[936] He wants to do the rock.

[937] He wants to be the rock so fucking bad.

[938] Well, it seems like a good move.

[939] Yeah, but he won't be the rock.

[940] The rock is the fucking rock.

[941] He's not going to come anywhere near being the rock.

[942] Can't be, can he be John Sina?

[943] Nope.

[944] Can't even be John Sina?

[945] Nope, take a hike, bud.

[946] He is John Sina.

[947] He just wants to follow that path.

[948] of like WWE guy who's like sweet and nice and affable and also strong and can play the tough guy but the rock is a special person people think they're gonna be that guy but can he be a version of that no what can he do no because look what it always looks cheap look at fucking what's the guy in the Fast and Furious what's his name Finn Diesel yeah it always looks cheesy he's a good I got the family family over everything he sounds cheesy everything he does the big tough guy thing is like only so many guys can pull it off anymore Well it has to be authentic It has to be who you are First of all the Rock's an undeniable Giant tough guy Yeah he's a fucking badass He's a gorilla He's built like a fucking brick shit house He's six foot six Stacked Super jeans Hawaiian Gorgeous man Mammoth Man Super nice everybody loves him Who doesn't live the rock Nobody It's just so that So big So it's authentic Jesus Christ he's so big And Johnson is I'm sure he's a tough guy I'm sure he's strong and he's tough.

[949] It's just something's, I think they all think that they can come into Hollywood and it's like an easy transfer.

[950] It's like, it's definitely not easy.

[951] No, it's just not the same thing.

[952] Well, you know who's doing it though?

[953] Dave Batista, he's found his way.

[954] He has.

[955] I know.

[956] He's in that movie with, uh, what the fuck's his name?

[957] Yeah, but he's in Guardians of the Galaxy.

[958] He's great in those movies.

[959] I tell you, want to tell you?

[960] I tell you story.

[961] What are you going to tell me?

[962] Tell me something.

[963] He's great in those movies.

[964] No, he's, yeah.

[965] He's not?

[966] I did.

[967] I did a table read for that movie for, you know, because I knew some of the people involved.

[968] And we were just tabling, you know, they just want people to come and read and Right.

[969] And, uh, I was table reading for it and Batista, man. He, he, he, look, I felt like he didn't want to even fucking do it.

[970] Like, half of the time.

[971] Guardians of the Galaxy?

[972] No, no, no, no, no, no. The thing with Kumail, the Stuber thing.

[973] But he was reading it and he was, he was doing, I mean, he had glasses on.

[974] He was like doing this.

[975] I mean, seriously, he would go like this, he'd go, I mean, this is the script.

[976] Right.

[977] This is in front of, like, all the executives and shit.

[978] Right.

[979] And he would go, Uh, time to be, time to be, the guy that I need to be.

[980] Wait a minute, but it's for you.

[981] No, dude.

[982] This is for, this is everyone.

[983] Yeah, table read, like everyone's in the room.

[984] It means like executives, producers, directors.

[985] He had never gotten a script before.

[986] It felt like he was fucking his first time on the boat, bud.

[987] I was like, what is going on?

[988] Maybe it was.

[989] Of the, for the, I mean, for the studio.

[990] Maybe that script.

[991] That'd be crazy.

[992] That'd be crazy for him to never see that script and do a studio tablery.

[993] I shouldn't even have said that.

[994] I don't fucking, whatever.

[995] I'm not in the movie.

[996] Yeah.

[997] It just felt like he was.

[998] like I'm just saying the difference when you meet people in in in this industry in the television and television and film that are like just really really good right away they're on it they're fucking I bet you the rock is phenomenal in table reads and table reads are important because the studio gets to see it they get to kind of right you're selling it a little bit you know what I mean the movie's going to get fucking made it doesn't matter yeah but it's just like it sells you more to all of these other sources to feel like yep this is the guy we want to get behind yeah because I've run into a lot of great actors and actresses in the business and like you can fucking tell dude the way that they handle things sometimes you're like oh man that's why they're good they just are like ready for it it's like it's it's like a good it's the same way a good comedian can just turn on you know we can be having this conversation seconds later you get on stage and it's like and you just know you know when to you know when to produce well maybe he already got the gig and didn't give a fuck does yeah it doesn't give a fuck that's a bummer yeah i guess i get maybe it was the movie good I didn't see it Did you see it?

[999] Did anybody see it?

[1000] There you go You know what's a bummer to me That fucking Will Smith movie What the Gemini man?

[1001] Nobody went to see it Giant box office loss Look fucking amazing But it was up against like two other Right didn't it come out The Joker and one other film though Yeah Something else Something else that was fucking huge It's like you couldn't Did you see the Joker?

[1002] You found this idea Yes I saw it I loved it I wanted to tell you What I told you this When I told you this when we were in Detroit I got it I nearly lost my shit I hear in the middle of the film In the middle of like a really serious scene I hear someone go They're punched in on his face I hear a woman go Did they Photoshop a hair lip on him I was losing it I almost threw my popcorn I was almost like that's it I'm out of here I felt like the way I felt when I first saw the movie belly In theater When you hear things Like you hear things Sometimes like you hear things like out of nowhere I heard a girl say In the ass is okay but in the ass and the mouth, no fucking way.

[1003] I heard a girl say that.

[1004] She's right.

[1005] She's right.

[1006] But it's just like that combination of things.

[1007] And you're like, what?

[1008] You're like, I'm sorry, this is Jimmy Johns.

[1009] In the ass is fine.

[1010] But in the ass and in the mouth, no fucking way.

[1011] Like, oh, boy.

[1012] What was the context of that fucking conversation?

[1013] I don't remember.

[1014] Well, there's a site that's dedicated to that called overheard in L .A. Overheard in L .A.?

[1015] And all they do is talk about bullshit that you hear in Los Angeles.

[1016] That's like stupid L .A. only phrase.

[1017] you know yeah and that's gotta be one of them this place it's you're out I'm checked out I'm checked out because it's on fire I know it's on fire the whole fucking place is on fire Bel Air is on fire right now yeah Belair yeah yeah what we got girl dresses a cat I'm almost 30 this Halloween is my last chance to fuck a guy dresses Harry Potter it's it's great see that shit's fucking great overheard in Illinois How much, are those writers, though, that are writing that kind of stuff?

[1018] It's got to be, of course, yeah.

[1019] I'm sure it was birthed organically.

[1020] I'm sure some dude started it for fun, and then it just, you know, kept going.

[1021] Yeah, I'd like to fucking, I'd like to go away from the fires.

[1022] Northern California is even worse than we are.

[1023] I think we complain, but they're really lit up.

[1024] Sonoma's on fire.

[1025] Bad.

[1026] Yeah, it's bad.

[1027] Yeah, it's bad up there.

[1028] Yeah, that's where Henry Suhudo almost fucking burnt to death.

[1029] You can catch fires, man, everywhere that's dry.

[1030] And L .A. is dry as fuck.

[1031] And last year, we got a lot of rain.

[1032] in the winter, and everybody predicted that all this rain was going to dry out as soon as the rainy season was over.

[1033] The grass was going to grow really high because of all the nutrients and all the water.

[1034] And then boom, because the nutrient, when you have fires and then water, it's a terrible combination because apparently all the carbon from the fire actually helps all these plants grow.

[1035] Right.

[1036] And then it just gets overgrown, and then now it's overgrown.

[1037] There's all this dead shit now.

[1038] Dude, it's so overgrown.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] So the areas where I run, weeds were higher than I'd ever seen them before.

[1041] Like fucking six foot tall weeds And all that mustard grass shit You know that stuff?

[1042] Yeah, yeah, yeah That fucking shit's everywhere Yeah, and then when that dries up, it's over What are those things called Like my dog gets him?

[1043] Fox tails, you know, oh my God, everywhere And that shit's dry and fucked up everywhere My dog gets him everywhere Because he has long hair Yeah, goldens are bad with that And he runs into the fucking bushes He loves that shit, he's crazy Takes forever We took my dog fucking camping That was the worst shit on earth Because she was just rolling around In that shit And she gets back all happy And I'm like, God, damn it I gotta pick these fucking things out for like an hour You gotta brush them Yeah It's the worst Yeah Yeah we're on fire I want to go I wish we could go Where would you go You'd go to Chicago I'd go back to Chicago Yeah I would If I really could I would If I could just tour from Chicago And then do Whatever I wanted to do Every once in a while Why couldn't you So much to do here There's so much shit here You know what's the problem Friends Yeah friends Like you and Diaz And all our friends That are here You know I love the fact Like last night I did that benefit for Callan, Callan's friend.

[1044] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1045] I go there, Shob's there, Norm McDonald's there, we're all having fun, Callan's there, we're all laughing, hugging each other.

[1046] We have a great time.

[1047] Chappelle Lacey was there.

[1048] We're all laughing, it's so fun.

[1049] I'm like, I love the fact that I could leave my house.

[1050] I left my house at 8 o 'clock.

[1051] I'm there at 9.

[1052] I'm home by like midnight, you know?

[1053] Not even, I think I was home at 1130.

[1054] I was only there for like an hour and a half, but I had a great time.

[1055] I had a recharge of camaraderie and friendship.

[1056] You're not going to get that if you leave.

[1057] And plus, it was cool to do, you know, we did an arena Saturday night and then go to do the main room.

[1058] It's like you feel the difference to those two rooms.

[1059] So, so different.

[1060] Well, you know what you ought to talk about is how fucking we were taken back by the Fox Theater was fucking insane in Detroit, huh?

[1061] Yeah, people, you could see it on my Instagram.

[1062] I took videos of it and some photos, and it's the most beautiful theater.

[1063] And I've worked in a lot of beautiful theaters.

[1064] It's the most beautiful theater I've ever seen.

[1065] It was stunning, man. The staff was so cool They took us out afterwards The show was done We had chilled for a while Me and Ian Edwards And Joe had gone back Down to the stage And holy shit Look at how fucking incredible that is It's crazy And this is from the 1920s And they restored it Did he say in the 80s?

[1066] Yeah in the 80s it got restored Fucking A This place is beautiful And the staff there is proud Yeah Like that dude that I forget I don't remember his name Unfortunately really nice guy That gave us all the And then they turned the lights down for us so we could see what it really looks like and then turn the roof light on because they had all these spotlights on so they could clean and get everything ready and they turned those down for us and then turn the house lights on so we could see all the ornate gilded woodwork and just like you can't build a place like this anymore.

[1067] You can't kind of see on the top row there's faces carved up there and he said they're all hand done I mean it's just it was fucking unreal oh he said he said they redid it in the 80s and five guys died while building it while fixing it and he had said when they had a guy up there cleaning they found a helmet and like a like a pickax almost that was like placed in the helmet was on the pickax and this bozo comes down and he's like hey Mick look at the look at this shit and the guy was like hey put that back that was a in memory of one of the builders that died during the original construction of it like they had put it deep in the rafters they found he found it while he was cleaning it was awesome he was like this place is and he and then right away of course i knew it was going to go there after me and joe are like oh yeah fucking yeah this is amazing and then he goes and he goes and you know it's haunted i was like i knew that was coming i could tell from that i could just i could look from his face he wanted to tell us that so bad your mother's pussy's your mother's pussy's he he said somebody george lopez no he said some comic was there and could hear the knocking apparently there's like knocking in the roof and he just bitched about it half of the show was saying like he kept hearing the knocking while he was on stage.

[1068] And I was like, really?

[1069] The last word didn't subdue the fucking knocking?

[1070] I might be bombing, bro.

[1071] Yeah, dude, you could hear the knocking.

[1072] There's something about the knocking that's bothering me. Well, dude, the other night, you said it.

[1073] At the improv, there was a cricket inside.

[1074] Oh, yeah.

[1075] It was amplified.

[1076] Like, you could hear it so loud.

[1077] It was so loud.

[1078] And that was both shows.

[1079] Yeah.

[1080] Right?

[1081] Both shows Wednesday.

[1082] For the first show, I didn't hear it because Jesus was like, Jesus made a joke right away.

[1083] He goes, man, you know it's bad when the crickets are louder than the laughs.

[1084] He said it on stage?

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] And then I was like, I didn't hear it.

[1087] I went on stage, I couldn't really hear it.

[1088] And then the second show, I was so loud, I could hear it.

[1089] It must have been up in the roof and something.

[1090] No, it was over near the piano somewhere.

[1091] Oh, the piano.

[1092] It was over right.

[1093] It was amplifying.

[1094] The piano.

[1095] Joe loves the piano at the Hollywood Improv.

[1096] That's his favorite item.

[1097] I love the fact that it takes up seats.

[1098] I love the fact that it gets in the way of the people that are sitting over there.

[1099] They don't have a good view of the show.

[1100] I love the fact that it's fucking useless and no one plays piano there.

[1101] They say, Craig Robinson uses it.

[1102] Craig Robinson has his own fucking keyboard.

[1103] Brings it everywhere he goes.

[1104] Whenever he does shows, it's not hard.

[1105] It puts in his trunk.

[1106] Yep, you know.

[1107] I see it.

[1108] They have one there for him, too, by the way.

[1109] They have a keyboard.

[1110] Roll that bitch out.

[1111] You know, that stupid fucking piano.

[1112] Then they have two stupid fucking pianos.

[1113] They have one upstairs in the green room.

[1114] I'm like, what?

[1115] What?

[1116] What?

[1117] You know Bud probably loved pianos.

[1118] Pianos and monocles.

[1119] I love pianos.

[1120] He must have fucking loved it to buy two pianos.

[1121] It is an old idea.

[1122] Did the store used to have a piano right next to the stage?

[1123] In the main room.

[1124] Like when you would stand by the state of Jeff Scott would play piano like he does in the main room?

[1125] Yeah.

[1126] Did he still play piano in the main room?

[1127] Or in the O .R. Keyboard in the O .R. Keyboard.

[1128] Yeah, he's got a keyboard over there.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] Well, these to have a piano in the main room.

[1132] Yeah, I do remember it.

[1133] So keyboard in the OR, piano.

[1134] Is that the only club that still has a professional keyboardist?

[1135] I've never.

[1136] Well, down in San Diego at the comedy store.

[1137] Another comedy store.

[1138] Yeah, he plays.

[1139] he plays on there too Lou sweet Lou he plays the he plays the keyboard down there might be the most underrated room in the world yeah comedy store La Jollauea is fucking phenomenal might be the most underrated it's phenomenal it's actually I've talked about this before what it's that it's the perfect shape and size and number because it's a it's a nice box it's low and quiet and black the stage is not too high it's great it's like it's like the OR in LA but it's on it's on one you know what I mean some guys have DiPaolo filmed or recorded one one of his comedy specials there.

[1140] At the, yeah, a CD, yeah, he recorded a CD there.

[1141] It's a fucking great place to do stand up.

[1142] It is.

[1143] No, it's, I mean, and it's packed constantly because those people down there they don't want to make the drive to come up to fucking L .A., and there's nothing around there club -wise.

[1144] Yeah, you get American comedy company in San Diego, they can go there, but La Jolla is so beautiful.

[1145] La Jolla is beautiful, man. If I lived in La Jolla, I wouldn't want to go anywhere.

[1146] We said that, if we were going to go down to San Diego, you moved to La Jolla.

[1147] Oh, yes.

[1148] Yeah, it's fucking beautiful.

[1149] The fucking cliffs?

[1150] You ever see the view off the cliffs there?

[1151] Yeah.

[1152] It's so nice, man. It's stunning.

[1153] It's a great little pocket.

[1154] You can walk to Tijuana.

[1155] How crazy is that?

[1156] I don't want to do that shit.

[1157] But how crazy is that?

[1158] We were saying that in the car where you were like, San Diego is this like beautiful, pristine city with a lot of money, you know?

[1159] I will argue not a ton of culture, but, you know, that's okay.

[1160] Yeah, that's okay.

[1161] I mean, you've seen some of the shit that fucking...

[1162] Dairy.

[1163] Yeah, okay.

[1164] And then you cross the fucking border, and T .J. is like, donkeys fucking women, marshmallow shows.

[1165] fucking chicklets.

[1166] What's a marshmallow out of their pussy?

[1167] Do they really?

[1168] Yeah, you don't know about that?

[1169] What kind of force do you have to generate to get a marshmallow?

[1170] Dude, you've got to have strong muscles.

[1171] What does it sound like?

[1172] Pooh, Poh, pooh.

[1173] Ping pong balls.

[1174] I've seen ping pong.

[1175] Stanhope told me a story about some lady in Thailand that could chew up bananas with her pussy and spit out chunks of it.

[1176] She'd take a banana Stuff it in her pussy.

[1177] Chop it up.

[1178] In my head, I just saw it has teeth.

[1179] Like, it's like, well, she just had a fucking severe pinch.

[1180] Some girls have stronger pussies than other girls.

[1181] That is just a fact.

[1182] And I think some gals just let the pussy be what it is.

[1183] Get it in there?

[1184] Oh, we both feel good.

[1185] It feels amazing.

[1186] We're good.

[1187] And some girls are like, no, no, no. You can put a little extra in that.

[1188] Just put a little extra stuff.

[1189] Check this out.

[1190] Some girls just know how to squeeze it.

[1191] Genetics, or is there's training, too?

[1192] Kegels, man. There's exercises.

[1193] But it's just the act of squeezing it.

[1194] I think every girl can squeeze it.

[1195] But the act of actively squeeze, it requires work.

[1196] I know when you feel the squeeze, it's kind of, it's awesome.

[1197] Well, it's also, it feels great no matter what.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] Right?

[1200] Vigina is a perfectly designed thing.

[1201] Yeah.

[1202] Out of all the things in nature to have sex with, vagina is number one.

[1203] It's the best.

[1204] Let me think for a second.

[1205] I don't know.

[1206] I haven't really fucked a lot of different things.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] But a vagina is about as good as it gets.

[1209] Like, nature's designed it so that you spooge.

[1210] really quickly so that you can make a baby while the lions are coming after you.

[1211] That's how it was invented.

[1212] Come and go.

[1213] Come and go.

[1214] Because it's supposed to be like, yeah, y, y!

[1215] Run!

[1216] Fucking leopards!

[1217] That's how you know we're getting lazier as a culture, because we're trying to hold out as long as we can't.

[1218] Yeah.

[1219] Well, it's just weird.

[1220] We're so safe.

[1221] We're so safe.

[1222] We're trying to not come.

[1223] How about those assholes that try to, like, come internally?

[1224] You know, they do tantric.

[1225] Oh, sting?

[1226] They don't come.

[1227] They just have sex for hours.

[1228] Tantric sex?

[1229] Fuck that.

[1230] And they come internally.

[1231] Like their body absorbs it.

[1232] And they don't shoot any loads.

[1233] How weird to not shoot a load.

[1234] Actually, the first time I jerked off, I didn't shoot.

[1235] It scared me. What did you do?

[1236] I jerked off and I came and I think I stopped and nothing came out.

[1237] And it freaked me the fuck out.

[1238] Nothing came out?

[1239] How do you know you came?

[1240] Because I feel like I came.

[1241] But you were so young, you'd never come before.

[1242] That was 32.

[1243] I don't, no, I just remember the first time.

[1244] And then I did it again later that night and I did come.

[1245] but I was scared I was freaked out You know what Eddie Bravo told me He told me when he was young he was dating this girl And she was always worried that he was cheating on her And so that when if he would come She would get upset if it wasn't that much She's like how come he didn't come that much He's like what?

[1246] There wasn't that much come Did you fuck around?

[1247] And he was like what?

[1248] She kept thinking he was You imagine like someone's like Measuring it Judging the amount of projectile the amount of ejaculate I mean she Well was he I don't know See that's the other thing Maybe she was keen She's like this load is light It's a little light load here pal Yeah it's like when someone Tells you an eighth of weed You're like hmm This looks a little suspect This bag feels a little on the lights Oh dude this annoyed me so much I saw an article that said They are finally At their They're at the final stages Of making odorless weed This company in Colorado is making odorless weed That's what I said Get the fuck out of here dude Here's the thing about weed it only smells to other people when you're smoking it doesn't smell well it's delicious but isn't that weird yeah like when you're getting high you're like I don't smell anything yeah that's true you really can't people walk in the room like what the fuck did someone kill a skunk in this room holy shit boys yeah these guys are trying to make everyone's trying to manipulate weed to be everything not weed just fucking leave weed alone this is how those people died from that vape shit they made all that fake weed pods or whatever this is how they died from that vape shit they vape 24 hours of day seven days a week well that's gonna happen too robot dick out of your mouth you fucking weirdo i was at my doctor's office the day and i got on the elevator it's one of my favorite things when a guy gets on the elevator stinking a weed yeah yeah yeah and then he recognizes me i'm like what's up bro he's like yeah had to get my head straight he goes uh for work but it's my job i mean it's uh my company so it's all right i go okay well what was what he do he was i don't know but he's high as fuck yeah but it was a medical office building i mean maybe you can just can't you ran an office there if you're not.

[1249] Sure.

[1250] Yeah, you don't have to be in the field.

[1251] Yeah.

[1252] I had to get my head straight, Joe.

[1253] Yeah, he's like to get my head straight.

[1254] He stunk.

[1255] Stunk of weed.

[1256] Woo!

[1257] I like it when I walk by it and you can smell it somewhere and you're like, all right.

[1258] It just is like a nice little pick -me -up for the day that you're like...

[1259] Hotel rooms.

[1260] Good for them.

[1261] Like when you pass in a hotel room, like, oh yeah.

[1262] Right there.

[1263] Right there.

[1264] How funny is it Ohio still?

[1265] You have to have AIDS and cancer and leprosy.

[1266] Still.

[1267] I know someone that goes.

[1268] got it without that.

[1269] What did they do?

[1270] Yeah, shoulder surgery or something like that.

[1271] Yeah, but come on.

[1272] But what happens after surgery?

[1273] Yeah, I don't know.

[1274] When he has to renew it, I don't know.

[1275] I don't know what happens there, but...

[1276] But just right over in Michigan, free lead, there's fucking billboards everywhere, just like L .A. It's spreading across the country.

[1277] It's nice.

[1278] It's a nice feeling like when you're in the car, you drive, and you see, you know, the best cannabis in Michigan, you're like, all right!

[1279] Right on.

[1280] All right, you guys did it.

[1281] Welcome to the 21st century.

[1282] Dude, we were talking here in L .A. They finally have, they finally have full legal cannabis cafes where you can eat dinner and get hot you can get served by a bud tender and dinner yeah that's um lowell lowell cafe they're a sponsor of the podcast they're fucking awesome did you can you can just know my buddy just went yeah he said the food was phenomenal yeah but he says you get full bud tenders full like really nice meals he's like the ambiance is gorgeous it's it was this old i remember where it was too it's an old shitty shutdown like um uh you know in the corner of l a it's like a it used to be a gas station.

[1283] Then it's like, they sell junk.

[1284] You know what I mean?

[1285] It's just like a junk pit, you know, of like, sometimes it's like a flower sale place or whatever signs.

[1286] And they, they gutted that, cleaned it out, turn it into this gorgeous restaurant with all this beautiful foliage on the outside.

[1287] It's really nice, man. Here's the thing about cigarettes.

[1288] Cigarettes kill your taste buds.

[1289] Weeds.

[1290] Weed enhances your taste buds, which is people don't know.

[1291] Like when you smoke weed and then eat, food tastes better.

[1292] Oh, it's so much better.

[1293] It does.

[1294] Even shit I don't like taste better.

[1295] Yeah, but, but also, like, do you think if you were high as fuck, you'd be able to tell there's something wrong with those vegetables that you ate?

[1296] Probably, actually, probably.

[1297] God, that's so funny.

[1298] Something's wrong.

[1299] If I turn and I go, dude, these are, something's weird about this.

[1300] I'm not going to eat this shit anymore.

[1301] No, instead, I was just like, but that's got to be true, though, that it handses in the right way.

[1302] That's like, um, magic fruit.

[1303] We've talked about that.

[1304] What's magic fruit?

[1305] You can order this online.

[1306] Magic fruit changes your, the chemical composition of your taste buds.

[1307] on your tongue for about 15 to 20 minutes.

[1308] What is it?

[1309] So sour things taste sweet.

[1310] We talked about this?

[1311] Yeah, we talked about it.

[1312] When did we talk about it during the podcast?

[1313] I think we did.

[1314] Really?

[1315] Yeah, remember that?

[1316] Not on this one, but I know about it for sure.

[1317] Oh, so maybe you talked about it with another person.

[1318] You should Google the real name.

[1319] I don't know what the magic fruit real name is, but it's a berry.

[1320] It's like the nut of a berry, and you eat it, when you put it in your mouth, it doesn't taste great, or you put the dissolved tablets they have now, and your whole tongue, the composition of your tongue chain.

[1321] So, like, you could eat a lemon and it tastes.

[1322] It tastes sweet.

[1323] Yeah, it's fucking, Miracle fruit, sorry.

[1324] Sinusium delisio fosum.

[1325] Sinospalum.

[1326] Dolphacium.

[1327] Look at you.

[1328] You're really good with Latin.

[1329] Dolphosium.

[1330] Dude, do you have a Latin education?

[1331] Yeah, man. Plant node for its berry when eaten causes sour food subsequently consumed to taste sweet.

[1332] The effect is known, is the effect is due to miraculin.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] Miraculine sounds too close to mescaline.

[1335] Yeah.

[1336] What have you ordered one?

[1337] You got the other.

[1338] Well, still have a good night Interesting Yeah, it's wild man A good friend of mine Did it at a dinner party And we were, because a lot of people Were skeptical, they were like I don't know He's like, you try it So then for appetizers He would give us this And you know They had a platter of different things To try out that were usually sour And it's insane how sweet it tastes What about a sweet fruit Like a melon?

[1339] What would that taste like?

[1340] Well everyone has When you taste sugars It tastes different on everyone's tongue When you're on this fruit So for some people it tastes Dull and other people It tastes kind of like off like it's not it's not the correct flavor profile so like some people take like for me sugary stuff tasted kind of dull or like an apple tastes dull apple's not sweet enough like an orange like an orange slice it just tastes kind of flat flat yeah flat it's weird interesting I never know about that I never I've never even heard about it yeah see that every day the more you know the more you know but that stuff that stuff I wish there was more shit like that for food when you ate it that like makes it taste better yeah it makes different things taste better that like that gets rid of the one part that that's nasty like i like blue cheese but then sometimes if i eat it i taste too much of the of the fucking oh i love that stuff i love it i love it's too much i'll eat a giant bar of blue cheese i could do that i can't now look at jammy face i love blue cheese it's just in small doses i'm okay with it but if it's too much of the too much of the guffy cheese stuff i i enjoy steak as is yeah i don't need anything on steak but i've had steak, like a filet mignon with like a blue cheese crumble on top.

[1341] God damn.

[1342] It's phenomenal.

[1343] We had good steaks at dinner that Jamie missed because he couldn't come see us and hang out.

[1344] Yeah, you fucked up.

[1345] Yeah, you fucked up.

[1346] Brought a dork.

[1347] Jamie lost is...

[1348] Jamie got one of them cool front wallets, a ridge wallet, which I have too.

[1349] They're the best.

[1350] And they have RFID protection.

[1351] But has that ever happened to you?

[1352] Has anybody ever scanned your credit card?

[1353] I was wondering about that.

[1354] I mean, I remember like Dateline especially, like, people can scan you when you're walking by.

[1355] They can do that, but did...

[1356] Does anybody ever do that?

[1357] I'm sure they do.

[1358] I definitely think they have done it, but how do they do it?

[1359] Do they have to be right on top of it?

[1360] Like, how's it work?

[1361] No, they have to be within a certain amount of distance.

[1362] Like, just like on the bank scanner, same thing, you know?

[1363] Yeah.

[1364] Yeah, I've heard they have to be within a few feet of you.

[1365] That's pretty, I think subways, places like that are more susceptible, where you're sitting next to someone for a long period of time.

[1366] And they're just like...

[1367] Yeah, and they're right near you.

[1368] Running by you was got to be so hard to pick it up.

[1369] Well, so Jamie has his ridge wall, but he also has sweatpants.

[1370] Yeah, don't know what I was up.

[1371] And he also had his feet up on the chair in front of them.

[1372] He's jellin.

[1373] His legs were up in the air He was giving birth And his His shit fell out His ID, credit cards He lost it No cash though, right?

[1374] No cash, though, right?

[1375] No cash, maybe $20 on it.

[1376] Yeah.

[1377] And your ID, so you couldn't come see us, man?

[1378] You fucked up, bro.

[1379] And he might be fucked up so hard that he can't come to New York next week for Mazvedal versus Diaz Not even next week, Saturday night.

[1380] Five days.

[1381] Yeah, Saturday night.

[1382] He doesn't know when he's going to get his ID.

[1383] Are you in process right now?

[1384] Did you try to get a passport?

[1385] So there's a couple of things that I thought you could do.

[1386] Apparently you can't do.

[1387] So there's a confusion on what that is the ability for that.

[1388] The actual card is now on the way in the mail, like through the state.

[1389] So now it's just in the hands of the state.

[1390] Oh, you'll get it in a month.

[1391] The only time I ever lost it in Ohio, you could just go back and get it right away.

[1392] So like I don't know.

[1393] Yeah, I don't know when the times have changed on that.

[1394] I don't think the birth certificate I have is certified because it's an actual photocopy of my real birth certificate, which I used to use, that was a good thing to have back in...

[1395] Photocoping.

[1396] Bitch, you have to have a real...

[1397] Yeah, now you have to have a real...

[1398] I don't even have that.

[1399] My mom's going to help me get it.

[1400] Oh, Jesus.

[1401] Dude, I don't even know where any of that stuff.

[1402] It's got to be in my mom's house somewhere, but I have no fucking idea where that stuff is.

[1403] Oh, Jesus.

[1404] Social security cats.

[1405] I always bring my passport as well.

[1406] Just in case?

[1407] Yeah, just in case.

[1408] Yeah, but also clear.

[1409] Clear is the shit.

[1410] I know we walk right through.

[1411] It's the best.

[1412] Do you do your fingerprints?

[1413] Your picture comes up.

[1414] You are clear.

[1415] Thank you.

[1416] clear and then you go on through the people are super friendly they walk you all the way up to the guy or the gal who's working there they wave at you everybody walks right through and i have pre and tsa pre or tsa pre and clear oh same you do you well you don't travel international enough to have global right you don't have that too bitch why would you do it you don't even why wouldn't i bitch shit i've been on the country every fucking year for the last 15 i know but does everybody and your family have it too they all got to have it yeah come on global clearance come on i don't fuck with that Come on.

[1417] You don't fuck with global entry?

[1418] I don't have it.

[1419] Global entry gives you free TSA pre.

[1420] How about that?

[1421] I already got the TSA.

[1422] I didn't know that.

[1423] I didn't know that.

[1424] You get one.

[1425] You get both.

[1426] How about that?

[1427] I didn't know.

[1428] You got to go everyone.

[1429] If most states, I don't know actually, I don't know how many states have this, but being at the DMV last few days, um, real idea is a new thing coming through some states.

[1430] And if you want to travel domestically.

[1431] Yeah, you're going to have to get a new ID.

[1432] What?

[1433] Or your passport.

[1434] You can't just, oh, oh, but that's the fly from like here to Ohio.

[1435] You need your passport for that.

[1436] You're going to have to have a passport if you want to go to Vegas.

[1437] Shut up.

[1438] That's so dumb.

[1439] Or get this new version of the California ID.

[1440] Like get to go give another...

[1441] Big Brother wants it, baby.

[1442] Just put something in my arm.

[1443] Just give me my ID in my arm.

[1444] That's what they want.

[1445] They want you to give in.

[1446] Let them do it.

[1447] Oh, my God.

[1448] Let them do it.

[1449] I gave in when I bought this tracking device that's listening to me 24 hours a day.

[1450] Your phone?

[1451] Yes.

[1452] What's the worst thing you do that that phone picks up?

[1453] Talk shit.

[1454] That's normal.

[1455] That's normal.

[1456] Do you think that's so funny?

[1457] You're a file of all the shit talking.

[1458] What if they log your shit talking?

[1459] I'm sure they do.

[1460] Yeah.

[1461] I'm sure they do.

[1462] One day you're going to say something bad about the government.

[1463] They're going to pull you aside.

[1464] I say so many bad things.

[1465] President Elizabeth Warren is going to bring you into a room.

[1466] Shut your mouth.

[1467] She's going to show you all the things you've done.

[1468] It's going to be Peter Buttigiegian.

[1469] You know that.

[1470] What is that?

[1471] Some governor from some local, some local.

[1472] South Bend, Indiana.

[1473] He's like, we got a mayor.

[1474] He's like, we got a fag running in the office.

[1475] Mayor Pete.

[1476] What do you say some homo?

[1477] We got some homo running for president.

[1478] Who said that?

[1479] Some dude, it's a local government thing.

[1480] Did he?

[1481] Yeah, he was all mad.

[1482] And some woman left, she was like, I'm so offended.

[1483] I'm so offended.

[1484] And then when people are like, can you believe?

[1485] He's not even doing a good job as mayor.

[1486] That's what's ridiculous.

[1487] Remember when there was a cop that shot someone and his response was inadequate?

[1488] And so they had all these fucking people saying, how the fuck are you running for president while you're the mayor?

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] Which I don't understand either.

[1491] No. I don't understand how the fuck you could have an incredibly time -consuming tax, taxing job.

[1492] Like being the mayor of a major city.

[1493] Not major, but it's a city.

[1494] Oh, city.

[1495] There's a few people living there.

[1496] You're supposed to be running that, and you're also running for president?

[1497] It sounds like you're slacking.

[1498] Yeah.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] It's like if you had a job and you were the fucking CEO of, whatever, fucking Heineken, right?

[1501] And then in the meantime, you're out there campaigning to be the CEO of Budweiser.

[1502] Hineken will pull you over.

[1503] Hey, fuckface.

[1504] Hey, talk to you for a second?

[1505] What are you doing?

[1506] What's up, dude?

[1507] You're not even here.

[1508] You're eight hours out of the fucking.

[1509] week you're off going doing Budweiser shit yeah yeah yeah but that's a great gig but that's a really good gig I like to keep the Heineken gig while I try to get the Budweiser gig if you don't mind if you guys are cool with it I hope you guys are cool with it but did you find it you laughed even more look at Wiley spread video a community commissioner count county commissioner Warren Hurst can be seen giving minutes long speech against what he sees This is an American changing America changing towards liberal values arguing arguing to make his jurisdiction a gun sanctuary, meaning that resources would be diverted away from enforcing certain gun laws.

[1510] Whoa.

[1511] In the speech, Hirsch lamented, Well, we got running for president in the Democratic Party saying that better candidates could be found in jail.

[1512] He continued, we got a queer running for president.

[1513] If that ain't about as ugly as you can get, referring to Buttigieg.

[1514] We got a queer running for president.

[1515] openly gay?

[1516] Wow.

[1517] If that ain't about as ugly as you can get.

[1518] What do you think would happen if he became president?

[1519] How bad would the homophobia be in this country?

[1520] Through the fucking roof.

[1521] Holy shit, it'd be endless.

[1522] It almost would be worse for gay people in the short run.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] It's like the homophobes would make, they would be so adamant.

[1526] It would be so, it'd be dangerous for Budigujoo -Gidja -Goo -Goo -Dich.

[1527] But he doesn't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell.

[1528] I mean, he's not even remotely close.

[1529] No. You know who kills me?

[1530] is that Beto Oroke or work?

[1531] Beto Oroch, he seems like a joke.

[1532] Like someone said, look, dude, here's the sketch.

[1533] For the next 24 months, you are going to pretend you're running for president.

[1534] And I just want you to, like, skateboard and say a bunch of dumb shit.

[1535] Right.

[1536] Speak Spanish.

[1537] Real clumsy with the way you talk about things.

[1538] Right.

[1539] Tell them you're going to take their guns.

[1540] Just say it openly.

[1541] Say, fuck the Second Amendment.

[1542] I'm taking your guns.

[1543] Me. Beta.

[1544] Veta.

[1545] or Rourke I'm going to be Alpha Osantino the next time I run It's like You know how You know how Ollie G Like he has These characters Yeah Sarah Sasha Baron Cohen Yeah You know he has The fucking Borat character He has the The other The gay character It's almost like A character Yeah Like a fictional Of a super Like emo Sort of Sam Tripoli had a picture of Beto on his Instagram saying don't ever forget this when this guy runs for president it's him covered with letters like letters all over his body that says like vegan feminist and it's like writing all over his body and I said to Sam I said is that really him he's like fuck yeah it is but I don't know if Sam really knows I was just gonna say I don't know if Sam's done any research Sam and I have endless endless arguments I go fucking nowhere perfect I almost hope it is him I don't know how I'm looking for that exact picture that I was going to, the only thing I do know about him before this was happening was that he was known to be in this thing called the cult of the dead cow, which is like a hacker group back in the day.

[1546] Oh my gosh.

[1547] What?

[1548] Or our first hacker groups, you know, like when the movie hackers is a thing, like that time period, I think.

[1549] It must come from that.

[1550] The cult of the dead cow.

[1551] Oh, him being covered with all the words?

[1552] That's right.

[1553] I don't know what the...

[1554] No, it's like him in his underwear with writing all over his body.

[1555] Did you see that they fucking changed the ABCs.

[1556] Yeah, how'd they do that?

[1557] Why did they do that?

[1558] Now it's not, you know, because our youth, you know, you learn L MNO.

[1559] L MNO.

[1560] So now it's not L MNO.

[1561] Why?

[1562] They sing it L, M, and they change the rhythm of the fucking song.

[1563] Why did they do that?

[1564] Because they don't want kids to say elemento to get confused that those are not separate, that they are separate letters.

[1565] I saw yesterday, who, who's the they that changed it, though?

[1566] I don't know.

[1567] The one guy recorded a new version of the song viral.

[1568] But it's all over the place.

[1569] Who's the day?

[1570] that's getting confused.

[1571] Was it like, was it going in schools?

[1572] That's the only thing I don't know.

[1573] It's everywhere, though.

[1574] I don't know about that.

[1575] But did you find the Bado thing?

[1576] I'm looking for the picture.

[1577] I don't know.

[1578] I think I saved it my favorites.

[1579] I see a bunch of like older pictures of them for back than that are.

[1580] You go on Sam's Instagram.

[1581] No, but did you save it on, did you look at Sam's Instagram?

[1582] Yeah, it's on his gram, right.

[1583] Or you could ask Sam to send it to you.

[1584] I don't, I didn't have it in my favorites.

[1585] I probably was so disturbed by it.

[1586] I didn't make it a favorite.

[1587] You know, it's Sam's wallpaper on his phone, I'm sure.

[1588] Sam's wallpaper in his house.

[1589] Send us.

[1590] I don't see it on his Instagram.

[1591] It's pretty far back.

[1592] Okay.

[1593] Yeah, it's like six months ago.

[1594] Oh.

[1595] Yeah, maybe too far back because he posts every day.

[1596] It might not be worth it.

[1597] I was just going to say.

[1598] Just Instagram, Sam Tripoli, Beto.

[1599] What a weird name, too.

[1600] Beto.

[1601] Beto.

[1602] Beto.

[1603] Beto.

[1604] It's so close to Beta O 'Roc.

[1605] He seemed like such a silly guy And then that girl Katie Hill announced her Resignment because she's getting harassed And a woman Yeah, throuples, baby She was banging a guy and a girl Yeah Really?

[1606] Well, the girl she openly admitted to The guy she said was There was false rumors about their work Sexual relationship That they never hooked up at work Or some bullshit like that What's the problem?

[1607] That her husband That's probably part of it That she's married but that her husband comma problem one that he's being emotionally abusive to her by like releasing all this information about her cheating oh that's hilarious he's being emotionally abusive imagine if it was a wife doing that about a male come on no one would say that you would never say that she's being emotionally abusive about her cheating husband nope that's hilarious but she said but this article that i read said he's being emotionally abusive about her past about her whatever, infidelity.

[1608] Yeah, her infidelity, right.

[1609] That's hilarious.

[1610] Because they got video.

[1611] You know, there's video of her.

[1612] Of her banging girls and guys?

[1613] Yeah, hooking up with these people and pictures and all this shit.

[1614] Oh, wow.

[1615] Some comic had a funny tweet this morning that was like, I just, like, the idea of a throuple's kind of hot, but when you saw the picture of who she hooked up with, you're like, oh, bummer.

[1616] Well, sometimes.

[1617] Sometimes it's better just than the imagination.

[1618] I found the picture Sam put update.

[1619] I know this is not a real picture of Beto.

[1620] Oh, yeah.

[1621] He updated it.

[1622] I caught it before it was an update.

[1623] Damn it.

[1624] Said, no, never mind.

[1625] Okay.

[1626] That's not what I was going to think.

[1627] I didn't think I was going to find that either.

[1628] But imagine if it was real?

[1629] Put the picture up.

[1630] Yeah, I want to see it regardless.

[1631] Put the picture up so triply.

[1632] There, look at that.

[1633] Look, look, look, look.

[1634] Phanist, atheist, vegan, naturist.

[1635] Is that a word?

[1636] Naturist?

[1637] Ecologist, queer, slut.

[1638] Hmm.

[1639] Okay.

[1640] That's someone's boy.

[1641] And that's not a real picture.

[1642] Well, it's a picture of someone, but not Beto.

[1643] But it looks exactly like him.

[1644] Looks a lot like him.

[1645] I think Tripoli thought it was him.

[1646] He was hoping.

[1647] In the old days, you could just say it's him.

[1648] Yeah, what is it?

[1649] Show a picture.

[1650] I promise him.

[1651] You promise?

[1652] He's a Mason, too.

[1653] What?

[1654] Man, when people are masons, everybody freaks out.

[1655] I'm so ignorant, I don't really know what that is, but I see it all the time.

[1656] It's an ancient group that you could belong to.

[1657] I know, but I know that, I know that, but I mean, it's still happening today.

[1658] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1659] I don't understand who becomes a Mason today.

[1660] Isn't Michael Chavello's a Mason And I think Pat Militich is a Mason as well Someone else?

[1661] Randall Carlson How do you go through it?

[1662] What do you, is there like a fraternal fucking?

[1663] I don't know I think it's like some guy explained it to me once In Houston Some dude And he seemed pretty honest He's like, ah, it's a fucking guys club You hang out Yeah Like the Rotary club?

[1664] There's like some secret shit It's gone on forever and every goes But it's nothing It's mostly just a place where guys hang out They say that That's how What are you think they're really doing Yeah I don't know Planning some fucked up shit though That's really where people plan something Oh don't worry about us It's nothing Government takeover type shit Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Who do we talk to in the car That said that they were saying They think Oh that they was talking about Snowden Saying that he's Oh yeah Controlled opposition Controlled opposition That term That term bugs the shit out of me Yeah Because I've heard it so many times Used about me You're controlled opposition Yeah, that's what I did.

[1665] My entire life, what I did was I got into martial arts.

[1666] I became a martial arts guy, taught martial arts, got into stand -up comedy, but it's really just to become controlled opposition.

[1667] All of it.

[1668] This career, you know, putting together a podcast, all that, talking shit, smoking weed with Elon Musk.

[1669] It's just controlled opposition.

[1670] It was just a long, slow play.

[1671] It's basically the Chinese government got a hold of me when I was a baby, and they groomed me. Did they?

[1672] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1673] Oh, I didn't know.

[1674] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1675] Get droll opposition.

[1676] See, the thing is, when people on the outside, you know, have you ever had someone, like, come up with a theory about you that you read it?

[1677] You're like, what?

[1678] I'm gay, according to the Internet.

[1679] Oh.

[1680] That's my favorite one.

[1681] How did you become gay?

[1682] Because I said on a post one time that I married Chris DeLea that we were, like, running away, and, like, a foreign publication got a hold of it.

[1683] That, like, the English translation's hysterical.

[1684] What do you, what do you think the original language was?

[1685] I don't.

[1686] I have no idea.

[1687] When it was foreign, we said foreign?

[1688] Just foreign, foreign, foreign.

[1689] But it just says I'm gay.

[1690] If you look it up, as Andrew Santino gay, it says a lot of things say I'm gay.

[1691] Congratulations.

[1692] Yeah, I'm actually kind of stoked about it.

[1693] If you were gay, would you be a top or a bottom?

[1694] It would be a power bottom.

[1695] Power, what is a power bottom?

[1696] I push back, you know what I mean?

[1697] Oh, okay.

[1698] We wear boots?

[1699] Rust hard.

[1700] Yeah, grips and shit gloves.

[1701] I wear fingerless gloves.

[1702] I slam back.

[1703] Right, right, right, right.

[1704] Like the kind that guys work out in the park, you know those guys that wear those work gloves?

[1705] Yeah, there I am.

[1706] I'm gay.

[1707] Andrew Santito married with wife or gay man. bio hints what sexuality might be live ramp up that's the name of the website look at you and delia hilarious yeah yeah that is you look gay in that picture i know oh my god you look like you're looking at a dick oh i'm so hungry for it hungry hungry yeah it says i'm gay dude so i guess i am what are you going to do at least you're not controlled opposition i am though you're both Mm -hmm.

[1708] A gay controlled opposition.

[1709] Amazing.

[1710] Yeah.

[1711] I've been...

[1712] I'm a government experiment.

[1713] Those gloves, those workout gloves, all those guys who work out in the park, do like those crazy calisthenics guys, they wear these, like, work gloves.

[1714] They wear work gloves when they work out.

[1715] Yeah.

[1716] I've been fucking fascinated by these videos.

[1717] You ever pay attention to those workout in the park guys?

[1718] The street workout guys, yeah.

[1719] Oh my God.

[1720] You've seen the prison workout guys.

[1721] They can do.

[1722] Yeah, but I mean, these guys in the park is what I'm talking about.

[1723] Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

[1724] They do it outside now.

[1725] They take prison workouts and they teach.

[1726] him in the park.

[1727] There's a guy that does a YouTube thing that's like prison workouts in the park and shit.

[1728] Oh, I don't know.

[1729] There's a guy who has park workouts.

[1730] I didn't know it was prison workouts in the park.

[1731] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1732] And I don't know if this guy wears the gloves, but what he wears, he uses whatever he can, right?

[1733] Well, these guys are just using like the monkey bars and like parallel bars and chin up bars and stuff that you find.

[1734] You know those workout areas in parks?

[1735] Yeah.

[1736] These guys, man, the fucking build on these dudes.

[1737] Yeah, they're jacked.

[1738] And the fucking feats of strength that they do Where they'll have they they'll do a chin up Keep their legs extended Yeah What is the uh the name of this YouTube channel?

[1739] This is uh bar stars It's just this is an older video too Right 2011 there's a bunch of these Believe it or not This guy does not have an impressive physique In comparison to a lot of these fuck guys No truthfully some of these guys are it's unfucking real Yeah but it's an amazing way to exercise When you realize like like this shit Look at this shit.

[1740] Look at this shit.

[1741] This guy's doing dips, but he's doing dips with his legs almost parallel to the floor behind him.

[1742] That requires, like, freakish control of your body.

[1743] There's so many of these guys, too.

[1744] It's like, it's an incredible way to work out.

[1745] Like, you really realize, like, man, you don't need a gym.

[1746] To get a body like that, like, who wouldn't be happy with a body like that?

[1747] It's unreal.

[1748] I got to lift some weights.

[1749] That's about as good a body as you can get.

[1750] And these fucking guys are all doing it.

[1751] at the gym, I mean at these these gym setups in the park.

[1752] You can get a fucking amazing workout.

[1753] It's just a lot of push -up setups and pull -ups, right?

[1754] That's the majority of it.

[1755] Yeah, this guy looks good.

[1756] I mean, you see some guy, there was one guy that did it who was well, I'm 52.

[1757] You see one guy who did it who was 63.

[1758] But he's in good shape.

[1759] He's in good shape.

[1760] But one guy who did it was 63, but there was a guy that I was looking at the other day that was 35 years old, and he looked.

[1761] like a fucking comic book superhero and the dude was talking to him so you see they're all having these um yeah that work wing gloves but they were talking to this dude and they were like this is all you do you don't lift anyways he's like i don't touch weights man all i do all i do like this fucking guy look at this fucking build on this guy look at his muscle ups and he and jamie's been trying to do a muscle up for four years now he's never even come close by this guy's just throwing six, seven muscle ups, eight, freakish.

[1762] This is a great transition from Is Andrew Gay to then me and you watching men do pull -ups?

[1763] This is going to be great for the internet.

[1764] But the build that these guys create just from doing muscle -ups.

[1765] Can you do one?

[1766] Can you do one?

[1767] Can you do muscle up?

[1768] No, Jim?

[1769] This guy's at 12.

[1770] He did 12 fucking muscle -ups.

[1771] That's insane, man. He's dying at 12.

[1772] Oh my God, that's it.

[1773] But they all wear those work gloves.

[1774] Look at the fucking shredded these guys are.

[1775] It's an amazing way to work out, man, because it's all body weights.

[1776] You know, it's all chin -ups and dips and push -ups, and they figure out a way to do them in all sorts of different ways, right?

[1777] They figure out a way to do these chin -ups and dips and different angles so you're hitting the bottom of your chest, the top of your chest.

[1778] I think there's a lot of genetics involved there, too.

[1779] Well, there's a lot of hard work, man. I don't care what kind of genetics you have.

[1780] To do what that guy just did, you need to fucking work hard for a long time.

[1781] Totally.

[1782] but also like those guys are fucking that's supreme athlete shit too at some point they're blessed with like athletic skill to be able to get to that point you know what I mean some people can work out a lot and still never be able to do a fucking a muscle point in to Jamie like that yeah excuse me I just had an injury I've been recovering from which what is it he fell while I was using one of our hoverboards I told him not to fuck with it dude it did he fucked his back apart wait with the one wheel thing no the other one the two wheel ones I don't like those fucking things those are great you ate shit Oh, hard.

[1783] Oh, did he eat shit.

[1784] Feet up, feet up.

[1785] Broke a camera.

[1786] Back first.

[1787] Boom.

[1788] Oh, shit, really?

[1789] I had my camera in my hand.

[1790] I was getting real confident and thought I could start filming while I was going around on it.

[1791] And I stopped to just like look at the lens.

[1792] Next thing I know is like on the ground cameras broke.

[1793] They got me on that one wheel.

[1794] He's been hurt for like over a year.

[1795] What did you hurt the most?

[1796] Dick hole?

[1797] It literally, I don't know what it went for, but it fucked up my posture because it started my back.

[1798] I couldn't sit right for a while.

[1799] just started problems down in my left leg and hip and...

[1800] Oh, shit.

[1801] Yeah, not good.

[1802] Yeah, if you can't sit right, man, you can get a bulging disc easy.

[1803] You know how people get bulging disk?

[1804] Guys with big wallets.

[1805] You have, like, a wallet, you keep too many business cards.

[1806] Is that real?

[1807] Fuck, yeah, it's real.

[1808] That's funny.

[1809] Guys, you're sitting on your wallet, and all your weights on one ass cheek, and your disc gets compressed on one side.

[1810] And you're hunched at a computer all day?

[1811] And after a while, bulges.

[1812] You know who doesn't have a wallet?

[1813] Who?

[1814] Me?

[1815] How about Jamie?

[1816] Jamie?

[1817] Jamie doesn't have a wallet either.

[1818] Jamie doesn't either.

[1819] I put all my shit in my front pocket.

[1820] That's from when I was a kid.

[1821] You don't have, what do you do with your credit cards?

[1822] My front pocket?

[1823] You don't have a clip or anything?

[1824] Bro, you've ever see a Ridge wallet?

[1825] You know what those hard?

[1826] Yeah, no. Get one of those.

[1827] Yeah, I used to push them on my show.

[1828] I just, I don't like, I don't like wallets.

[1829] I don't love wallets.

[1830] I just like to having cash and cards.

[1831] You don't even have, oh, you have a case on your phone now.

[1832] I do now, I know, I know, I know, I know, I used to never have a case.

[1833] You know why?

[1834] Oh, it broke.

[1835] No. It's made out of glass?

[1836] No. You're not stupid anymore?

[1837] No, I'm still gonna, no, I'm still fucking stupid.

[1838] I put a case on it because the AppleCare is gone on this thing now.

[1839] Oh, someone's scared.

[1840] No, it's just because the phone's, the phone is done.

[1841] I don't know, it's like I paid the phone off and then there's no Apple Care anymore left.

[1842] I'm scared.

[1843] No, I just, I just, I don't want to have to deal with it now.

[1844] Oh, you were dealing with it before.

[1845] No, I just, if I did break it, I would just go get a new one.

[1846] So you're one of those guys when you have car insurance, you drive like an asshole?

[1847] Yeah.

[1848] Yeah, dude.

[1849] Do you get rental insurance?

[1850] Do you get rental insurance or no?

[1851] No, because my insurance has it covered already.

[1852] Yeah, but they try to get it for you, right?

[1853] Yeah, but I always...

[1854] Would you like coverage?

[1855] I treat those things like shit.

[1856] Collision coverage?

[1857] I'm crashing it.

[1858] Yeah, you, I mean, I have a fun car.

[1859] I'm going to drive it fun.

[1860] I want to drive it fun.

[1861] I get it, bro.

[1862] You do.

[1863] You know.

[1864] You know.

[1865] I'm not that guy.

[1866] What guy?

[1867] I'm not the guy that pulls up at the sky.

[1868] You're pointing at me. You're pointing at me. I'm not that guy.

[1869] Who's he pointing at?

[1870] It's all a finger going straight across from yourself.

[1871] Oh, fuck you.

[1872] Jamie, fuck here.

[1873] Jamie, don't fall off a fucking hoverboard again.

[1874] Fall on the other side, balance yourself out.

[1875] He's got a scooter with handles now, I think.

[1876] He does.

[1877] He's got a power scooter.

[1878] Wait, what?

[1879] It goes fast.

[1880] Yeah.

[1881] What do you mean to power?

[1882] Like a fucking bird scooter, but like way faster.

[1883] Goes like 25 miles an hour.

[1884] Like an Usain Bolt sprint.

[1885] Is that a custom made?

[1886] Did you get that?

[1887] You can't buy that?

[1888] You just buy it?

[1889] Buy it from China.

[1890] They're trying to kill white people.

[1891] Hell yeah, they are.

[1892] I think it's made in America.

[1893] Fuck yeah, China.

[1894] No, it's not.

[1895] The pieces are, it was probably compiled.

[1896] Assembled in China.

[1897] Assembled.

[1898] They got me on the one wheel out there I'm fucking I learned it real fast How many of those MAGA hats are made in China?

[1899] Every single one Probably they are Every single one Every fucking one I love them That's hilarious Maga hats being made in China is fucking funny You know fashion wise When he's gone and all this shit's over Within a decade or so Those hats are going to be so fucking popular Oh yeah It's worth so much money Oh my god it's like Dick Like Dick Nixon Like Richard Nixon T shirts Oh yeah that's right They're very valuable Tricy dick You can wear a Nixon Tee sure right now.

[1900] Nixon for president?

[1901] 100%.

[1902] Nobody would say shit.

[1903] Nobody would beat your ass.

[1904] No. Why?

[1905] No. People will beat your ass if you have a red hat with other white letters on it.

[1906] Yeah, just cause.

[1907] Like there's a girl who got maced in the face that she had a hat that said make Bitcoin great again.

[1908] Someone didn't read it.

[1909] They just were like...

[1910] You didn't bother reading it.

[1911] Fuck you with your red hat with white letters.

[1912] They maced her right in the face.

[1913] The video of it.

[1914] No, I'm ignorant.

[1915] But has this happened for any other president where this kind of thing had...

[1916] Like, did someone wear shirts for another president?

[1917] And that was kind of the thing to care?

[1918] No. No. No. No. No. This is number one.

[1919] Fucking crazy.

[1920] Not only that, dude.

[1921] How about about what it says, make America great again.

[1922] Who was like, fuck you!

[1923] We don't want it to be great.

[1924] Fuck you!

[1925] It's just the representation in the context.

[1926] They just associate Trump, so they're like, that's it.

[1927] It's also again.

[1928] Like, make it great again.

[1929] Like, when was it great?

[1930] When slavery was legal?

[1931] When was it great?

[1932] When civil rights wars were going on?

[1933] When was it great?

[1934] Yeah, the phrase is inherently wrong.

[1935] When things were segregated?

[1936] When was it great?

[1937] When was it great?

[1938] When we first came here and we stole it from people?

[1939] I'll tell you when it's great.

[1940] Right now, bitch.

[1941] It's as good as it's ever been.

[1942] It's not going to get better than this.

[1943] If you pay attention to, like, real trends, forget about how you feel.

[1944] Like, forget about, like, your own personal experience.

[1945] If you just look at objective trends in terms of violence, crime, all the statistics that we're all really terrified about.

[1946] Right.

[1947] There's never been a better time.

[1948] No. There's never been a better time for humanity.

[1949] But it's always going to be...

[1950] The United States, it's a pretty goddamn good time.

[1951] It's good.

[1952] We always were our best critic, you know?

[1953] Of course.

[1954] Well, fucking Trump just went after Chicago again.

[1955] He just was making fun of my city because of the crime rate.

[1956] Saying how we can't get it under control I was talking about the cops Yeah Chicago cops Yeah saying that we can't get crime Under control in Chicago Well he's probably making fun of the mayor In some way He's blaming it on the mayor Oh yeah That's what it is It's your favorite mayor Yeah I love her Well it's just easy to make fun of I know She seems like a nice lady though We just get shot Chicago gets shots taken at it all the time Because it's like They're like It's fucking It's all violence It's like it's not all fucking violence Well, that's what's even more fucked about it.

[1957] It's a very specific area that has had extreme violence for a long time.

[1958] Yeah, south side and the west side.

[1959] Yeah, it's dark, man. But then, so much...

[1960] Meanwhile...

[1961] That's scary that when you have a place that, like, where it's isolated, you know, where there's just, like, so much violence there, and then outside of it is really nice.

[1962] Like, what?

[1963] But some of the nice areas we're getting, even, like, kids would do these things, they do these mob attacks where they go to, like, a really nice area, like, Michigan Avenue where all the tourists are and shit.

[1964] And they would just, like, rob someone, but they'd be, like, 15 people on one you know so they knew that a they were going to get away with it and b how could you stop it's kind of so much it's like organized chaos and they would run into a store and steal shit and just leave because they figure you're not going to get all of us right it's like maybe one person gets caught but rob from the rich you know i saw a video of i don't know how many times they've done it right now but groups of it's happened three times in california twice here somewhere else uh probably 200 people get on those scooters and just take over a street and then just go wherever they can go.

[1965] Oh shit.

[1966] And the cops are trying to stop them, but there's so many people they can't stop and the helicopters are on them.

[1967] Do they organize online?

[1968] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like Facebook meetups or something like that.

[1969] Wow.

[1970] Like, what are those things called?

[1971] What are those things called?

[1972] When people have, like, flash mobs?

[1973] Flash mob.

[1974] They have a flash mob for scooters.

[1975] I mean, I haven't seen anything dangerous happening, but, I mean, I'm sure it's...

[1976] Speaking of dangerous, what do you think about what Trump did when that guy, when they killed the head of ISIS, and he said he died crying and whimpering?

[1977] And then watched the whole thing on video I'm like Jesus he's like a he's like a deranged comedy writer like he's like a fuck he like he like sometimes I think he's like trying to be funny or clever and it I just don't it's like an autistic kid he just doesn't his tick is wrong but that just does not seem very presidential no something his tick is off I think he thinks it's normal or fun or or interesting or dynamic and people are like he has no one person next to him going do we is that what you want to that's the version that you want to say because he just I we talked about that on the plane is like the theory of how do you tell someone they're wrong when things have told them that they're right?

[1978] How do you tell the guy that's like, I won against all odds to become the president when someone's like, you shouldn't tweet that?

[1979] He's like, really?

[1980] Look at all the fucking other stuff.

[1981] You know what I mean?

[1982] Like, it's hard to convince this guy that he's wrong when he feels right.

[1983] Well, if anybody tells him not to do things, he fires.

[1984] Yeah, they're gone.

[1985] Yeah.

[1986] So it's just kind of like he has a bunch of yes men anyway.

[1987] Well, he's treating the presidency the same way he treats running Trump Tower.

[1988] Yeah.

[1989] It's basically the same thing.

[1990] You're fired.

[1991] And everybody tells them what to do.

[1992] Get the fuck out of here.

[1993] You're fired.

[1994] Yeah.

[1995] And just doing it on a large scale.

[1996] But do we expect differently?

[1997] That's what's weird.

[1998] Like, what would you expect different out of a guy who's 70, what is he?

[1999] I don't even know.

[2000] How old is you?

[2001] Vid 70s.

[2002] That's so old, too.

[2003] To be running a giant fucking thing like the presidency?

[2004] I love McDonald's, baby.

[2005] Does he?

[2006] Loves McDonald's.

[2007] I know he loves Kentucky Fried Chicken.

[2008] What's up?

[2009] What?

[2010] What was it say?

[2011] Oh, no. 73.

[2012] Did you see the photo?

[2013] that they put out yesterday.

[2014] Oh, yeah.

[2015] A lot of people were saying this is a staged photo.

[2016] Yeah, it looks.

[2017] Oh, my God.

[2018] It looks photoshop.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] Like, all the things aren't plugged in to the Cat 5 wires.

[2021] They just kind of like laid them around.

[2022] All the guys are kind of looking in different directions.

[2023] Who fucking let that, what kind of IT guy let that thing be so goddamn sloppy?

[2024] What is this supposed to be a photo of?

[2025] Them watching that happen because they're trying to compare it to the one that happened.

[2026] Now this is the Obama one when they killed Bin Laden and everyone's sitting around the worm.

[2027] How weird is it?

[2028] They all watch.

[2029] That's funny.

[2030] There's a bunch of photos.

[2031] Go down.

[2032] There's a bunch of photoshopped ones that are coming out now.

[2033] Yeah, no, they're making jokes of it now.

[2034] There's Hulk Hogan.

[2035] Look at Halkogan.

[2036] Sarah Palin's in there.

[2037] We saw a video this weekend.

[2038] We saw a video this weekend of Hulke Hogan checking down some guy at a restaurant.

[2039] He was on crutches and some guy must have said something fucking stupid to him.

[2040] And he walked up to him and he was giving him the whole like, like, I'm a personality, but I'll still bust your...

[2041] Like, that's what I like about guys like that that are like, I know, I'm famous, and, like, you know, you can be, like, cute and hello and say, but, like, talk shit, and I'll still fuck you up.

[2042] Like, Hulk Hogan will fuck you up.

[2043] He's a big fellow.

[2044] He's a bad bitch.

[2045] We were saying that he lost, like, three plus inches of height because of all of his back operations, because they removed all of his discs and fused them all together.

[2046] So all the cushion in between his discs are all gone.

[2047] It's fucking nuts.

[2048] All the spinal columns are all smushed together and bolted down in so many different places.

[2049] And that's all from...

[2050] From pro wrestling, man. Yeah.

[2051] So hard on your body.

[2052] It does take such a toll on their fucking body.

[2053] As much as I think it's still goofball bullshit.

[2054] Oh my God.

[2055] It's so hard physically.

[2056] So hard physically.

[2057] Well, that's why Dallas Page created DDP yoga.

[2058] I know.

[2059] I mean, he really created that just to strengthen his spine and rehabilitate himself from all the injuries that he occurred during pro wrestling.

[2060] He's the shit.

[2061] He's a good dude.

[2062] He's a great dude.

[2063] And that fucking workout is hard as shit.

[2064] Yeah, you see like in -shaped dudes trying it online and they're struggling.

[2065] It's fucking hard, man. Look, yoga's hard.

[2066] And his yoga is particularly intense Because he adds a lot of dynamic tension To it And that guy's I mean he's in his 60s And he came here And he was doing some yoga poses Like grabbing a hold of his ankle And lifting it up over his head He's in fucking tremendous shape I've never done yoga once It's great I know people say it's good I don't know I know you did hot yoga I'll calm I don't want to do hot I don't want to do hot Oh I'm scared you hot No I'm not scared I'm gonna sweat I'm gonna sweat I run five miles But I'm scared Fucking dick So scared You're doing hot.

[2067] Why don't you're doing hot?

[2068] It's the best way to do.

[2069] Sh, Jamie?

[2070] It's the best way because you stretch out better.

[2071] You're just ganging up on me right now.

[2072] Plus, it's good for your body because it develops heat shock proteins that mimic what's like being in an assault.

[2073] Is regular yoga fine?

[2074] Yeah, it's good.

[2075] Okay, we'll do that then.

[2076] Why don't you do hot yoga?

[2077] Why don't you do hot yoga?

[2078] Because I don't want to be the guy in high.

[2079] Ari did 15 of them in a month.

[2080] He doesn't even work out.

[2081] He takes acid every day.

[2082] Are he's a dosist?

[2083] You're going to trust a guy that dosis people?

[2084] Yeah, trust him well.

[2085] He wouldn't dose me. He's my friend.

[2086] David next time I was safe, so fucking...

[2087] He dose burt because he's a fucking diabolical person.

[2088] He does burt because he felt like he'd get away with it.

[2089] Mm -hmm.

[2090] I'll do, okay, I'll do hot yoga.

[2091] It was a lapsing judgment that he has sentenced to apologize for.

[2092] No, I know.

[2093] I love him.

[2094] I'm kidding.

[2095] How about this?

[2096] I'll do hot yoga if you come play basketball with me and Jamie.

[2097] I would do that, but basketball's hard on the joints, man. All that side -to -side motion?

[2098] Come on.

[2099] Come on, maybe.

[2100] Street basketball or in a quarter?

[2101] What were we were going to do?

[2102] How would we play basketball with him?

[2103] Because that'd be tough.

[2104] 21 or something?

[2105] We'll do 21, yeah.

[2106] Or smoke him.

[2107] I don't know how to play basketball I'm terrible I know but that's fun I don't know how to do yoga I'm terrible I'll be all look like a clown doing that Yoga's not a competition It won't really be that competitive How well do you play?

[2108] Do you play good?

[2109] Well yeah It'll be fun Fun for you That's the same yoga shit I don't know I'm gonna eat shit How about we do jujitsu first Okay And then we'll see if you can play yoga Okay that's fine Okay Yeah That's fine I'll put you in a heel hook See if you can move around That's fucking fine Let's do yoga then Okay I just I'll do the hot yoga I can play 21 I mean I won't win You know what the problem is with yoga for me for real Jamie can fucking sink some three pointers I don't even know if you know how good Jamie is There's a video of Jamie doing jump shots Just swish catches the ball swish Dude dude dude I know No really Now I bet Jamie smokes you Fifth in the city I got all my money on young Jamie Okay good How much?

[2110] How much?

[2111] You tell me Here we go, here we go, baby.

[2112] How much?

[2113] Put up that coin.

[2114] How about $1 ,000?

[2115] Okay.

[2116] Okay, what's the game?

[2117] What are we doing?

[2118] We're playing, not one -on -one.

[2119] We're playing...

[2120] Okay, let's play...

[2121] You guys can play horse.

[2122] Okay.

[2123] I got $1 ,000 on him.

[2124] I can't wait to film it.

[2125] Jamie, you in?

[2126] No, for sure.

[2127] Yeah, definitely.

[2128] Yeah, he's in.

[2129] You're getting smoked, dude.

[2130] Okay.

[2131] Then we'll do Home Run Derby.

[2132] And I'm going to spend that $1 ,000, I'll take us all out to dinner.

[2133] Okay.

[2134] Whatever's left, I'll give to the waiter.

[2135] Okay, good.

[2136] We're in.

[2137] I'm in.

[2138] All right.

[2139] I can't wait.

[2140] Well, should we film it?

[2141] Yeah, we should.

[2142] Where do we do it, though?

[2143] I don't know.

[2144] Staple Center.

[2145] We should make a basketball court next door.

[2146] We might have a little bit.

[2147] There's a couple of feet, right?

[2148] It's plenty of room, man. I do want to do a pool show.

[2149] I've been talking about this.

[2150] Jamie and I've been talking about this for how many years now?

[2151] All of them that I've been around.

[2152] It's about seven.

[2153] We filmed a few times.

[2154] Like one time we filmed Fitzsimmons and I playing pool.

[2155] It was fun.

[2156] He's good at pool, right?

[2157] Yeah, Fitzsimmis to play.

[2158] Yeah, yeah.

[2159] Who's the best that you played?

[2160] Artie Lang.

[2161] Artie Lang can play.

[2162] Yeah, he can play.

[2163] Yeah, he can play.

[2164] He can play, he can.

[2165] He doesn't have, like, so some guys are good at pocketing balls, right?

[2166] You know what I mean?

[2167] Some guys are good at moving the ball around.

[2168] I don't know any comedians that are really good at moving the ball around.

[2169] What that means is, you have to have a stroke, like meaning can you draw the ball full table length?

[2170] I know no comedians other than myself that can do.

[2171] do that.

[2172] No comedians other than myself that have actually played in real tournaments, you know, and I don't play that good now, but when I was playing a lot, I could play, I was like a B player.

[2173] You know, B level player, like a legit B level player.

[2174] Like, I've run four racks in a row of nine mall, broken ran four racks in a row.

[2175] I've run 70 plus balls playing a straight pool.

[2176] That's not like world class, not professional level, but I'm like a legit what they would call a shortstop.

[2177] Yeah.

[2178] And then what's already around that same level?

[2179] No. No, he's a little lower than you.

[2180] Yeah, but he'd play.

[2181] Don Marrera can play a little bit.

[2182] Adam Ferrar can play.

[2183] Adam Ferrar, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2184] He plays pretty good.

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] Why don't you do a pool show?

[2187] I should do a pool show.

[2188] And why not?

[2189] Here's a thing.

[2190] How do you make it entertaining?

[2191] I mean, it just naturally will be.

[2192] Maybe.

[2193] You're just talking shit, playing pool, having fun?

[2194] Yeah, maybe.

[2195] We'd have to give people wired mics, and it would have to, yeah, I mean, it could be fun.

[2196] It could be fun.

[2197] It could be fun.

[2198] but I mean how many people can play how many people can legit I would have to bring here's one thing that I could do that would be fun bring in pros and just get stomped that would be fun of shit yeah don't watch them do tricks on us and bring girl pros in and have them stomp me yeah and you know what's that Asian woman what's her name the black widow oh Jeanette Lee she's fucking awesome she's very good but she's not the best no she's not stretch the imagination no she's really good but she's had some severe also severe back problems she had scoliosis a bunch of back surgeries but she's you know she's way better than me yeah she's like she's legit could a pro be able to teach a comedian well enough to compete against you no it takes long time i know i just was like could they help no it's like it's like golf it takes years it would take years like i could not play for a year like i could like you could take a person that doesn't know how to play and they can play every day for a year and i'll still crush them it just why don't you want to play golf because i'm scared.

[2199] It's such a specific, wonderful.

[2200] You would love golf.

[2201] I know.

[2202] That's why I don't want to play it.

[2203] Yeah, you should.

[2204] Dude, I have a real problem with games.

[2205] I can't.

[2206] Oh, he would, he would fucking love golf.

[2207] I'd be two rounds before every show.

[2208] You guys go anywhere.

[2209] I'd be like running out of time.

[2210] And I would use some rounds.

[2211] Yeah.

[2212] Well, Ron White is the fucking king.

[2213] He loves it.

[2214] Look at his Instagram.

[2215] It's always pictures of him.

[2216] I know.

[2217] You know, two shows tonight.

[2218] Right now, I'm playing golf.

[2219] Dude, it's right up your alley.

[2220] The specifics, the technique.

[2221] It's so, it's like exactly what you like Not interested It's one more thing on your plate That's all it is And it also takes a lot of time Golf takes time You don't play 18 holes That shit takes hours No you would take You would just start with nine Is what you would do though Okay, how many hours is that day Two, you can do it another two If you walk and it takes long You get in that cart You can play speed golf Dude you can knock out nine holes In an hour in 25 minutes Really?

[2222] Yes absolutely Especially if you don't suck too I suck That's a problem No but when you're I don't want to learn I know scared Dude, I'm obsessed right now with handguns, okay?

[2223] Yeah.

[2224] I'm obsessed right now doing tactical ranges.

[2225] Yeah, I saw that.

[2226] Yeah, but I got to back off it a little bit because I wanted to go every day.

[2227] Yeah, but why is that bad?

[2228] Because it's fucking crazy.

[2229] I'm crazy.

[2230] I can't throw gas on the fucking dry twigs and throw a match and run away.

[2231] I can't.

[2232] Do you take something out when you add something in, or is it just piling and piling?

[2233] It'll get in the way of my writing.

[2234] It'll get in the way of, you know, whatever the fuck it is.

[2235] See, I find when I play When I golf, it's my favorite time to think Your head's clear, you're in nature There's nothing going on Right, and you're trying to knock that ball And the whole point of good golfers Will tell you that your head should You shouldn't be like Having a million thoughts about you should be kind of fluid And in the moment a little bit So that's like the best play you can play Sounds like hot yoga Fuck it I'm gonna do it Hot yoga definitely takes only an hour and a half But if in the middle of it I want to bail I'm gonna bail You can't bail pussy It's not pussy It's just I don't want to sit in this hot Why doesn't it have to be hot?

[2236] Because it's hard.

[2237] It makes it difficult.

[2238] Oh, it's not difficult.

[2239] Test your will.

[2240] It feels annoying.

[2241] I don't like hot stuff.

[2242] I don't like hot rooms.

[2243] What about hot food?

[2244] I like spicy food.

[2245] What about a hot coffee?

[2246] I like iced better.

[2247] This is that old theory is like, would you rather be cold all the time or hot all the time?

[2248] I'd always rather be cold.

[2249] I'd be hot.

[2250] Take hot every day.

[2251] What would you take?

[2252] Well, it depends on how hot.

[2253] I don't want 120.

[2254] I don't want Phoenix in the summer.

[2255] Alaska all year round or in fucking in in by the equator all year round Would you rather even Phoenix Arizona or or or Phoenix is great?

[2256] Yeah it is and then the in the summertime you just find a place with AC I live there it was it's awful in the summer it's the it's 120 is too much it gets rough But the winter's amazing yeah it's beautiful but I'd rather be in winter a lot more than in summer a lot more But do you crank a hotel room up or down because that's a big difference?

[2257] Oh, dude, my hotel stay at, like, when it goes, you know, like six, whatever it can go down below, it's, yeah, I go to low as it can go.

[2258] So you're like, being cold?

[2259] Yeah, I want it freezing, baby.

[2260] But look at you.

[2261] You're like cold climate person.

[2262] Because I run hot.

[2263] Red hair, white skin, you run hot.

[2264] I run hot.

[2265] I'm mad.

[2266] Ooh, you're mad all the time.

[2267] Always drunk, throwing up everywhere.

[2268] Puking on the plane.

[2269] That's what it was.

[2270] I was blacked out.

[2271] I black, I was drinking that morning.

[2272] I just, I lied.

[2273] I didn't go to bed.

[2274] Puking on a fucking plane.

[2275] By the way, for those that know, puking on a plane is exactly as uncomfortable as you would fucking imagine it.

[2276] Do you bring your own golf clubs on the road?

[2277] Do you ever do that?

[2278] A lot of times.

[2279] If I'm going to a place I know I'm going to play golf.

[2280] That's when it gets crazy.

[2281] No, why?

[2282] Yeah, why?

[2283] That's crazy.

[2284] If, or, or, if it's a nice enough course, I just will rent their clubs from them.

[2285] Oh, they have good clubs.

[2286] A nice course always has a good set of clubs.

[2287] Yeah?

[2288] Shitty courses have, but I'm not playing any, I'm playing nice courses.

[2289] If I'm going to go and play somewhere.

[2290] That's a good move.

[2291] Yeah.

[2292] That way you don't have to worry about it.

[2293] Well, dude, FedEx does shipsticks and all this stuff.

[2294] With shipsticks?

[2295] There's places that take your clubs, they ship them for you, and they're there when you get there.

[2296] It costs, and it's a good move.

[2297] It's awesome.

[2298] Yeah.

[2299] You don't even have to think about it.

[2300] That's a good move.

[2301] Because, like, when you get on a plane, it's a fucking massive pain in the ass to ship.

[2302] Oh, lugging the shit around us.

[2303] No, no. Shipping them is way easier.

[2304] You got to check things, and you got a weight baggage claim and hope they didn't fuck with your clubs.

[2305] But I get used to it.

[2306] Like, for snowboards, I have to bring my fucking snowboard everywhere, because you don't want to ship that.

[2307] Oh, yeah.

[2308] I rent skis.

[2309] I always rents.

[2310] See, I don't like rental shit.

[2311] Yeah.

[2312] But I have my own boots, but I rent skis or skis.

[2313] Yeah, I guess, I guess.

[2314] But I suck anyway.

[2315] Like, I'm not a good skier.

[2316] You're not?

[2317] No. Is anybody in your family good?

[2318] Yeah, my kids are way better than me. They're good, huh?

[2319] Yeah, they're better than me. My 11 -year -old, she always wants to go to the fucking black diamonds.

[2320] That's awesome.

[2321] She's a little daredevil.

[2322] And you won't go with her?

[2323] Fuck that.

[2324] Hell yes.

[2325] I love that.

[2326] No. I go rip.

[2327] She does jumps and shit.

[2328] Fuck that.

[2329] Well, yeah, she's 11.

[2330] But at some point she'll quit that.

[2331] She weighs 80 pounds.

[2332] I mean, not even.

[2333] She's probably 70.

[2334] Yeah, she flies.

[2335] She flies and lands.

[2336] But when you go skiing, do what do you stay on the easy hills?

[2337] Stay safe.

[2338] Yeah, you carve a nice and stuff.

[2339] I don't like skiing.

[2340] I do it because they like it.

[2341] You don't like it?

[2342] Nope.

[2343] Oh, God, it feels so fucking good.

[2344] I love it.

[2345] Nope.

[2346] This is where I go.

[2347] Don't get hurt.

[2348] Don't get hurt.

[2349] Didn't get hurt.

[2350] The whole time.

[2351] Don't get hurt.

[2352] Look at this fucking asshole.

[2353] Jesus Christ is cut right in front of me. Because some dick wads.

[2354] There's always like some L .A. douche.

[2355] It's just a little too cocky with the skiing and just a little too into it and probably on Adderall just fucking whizzing his way down.

[2356] Yeah.

[2357] Yeah it is no it is got it's listen the more I the older I get when I go to it the more scared I am because of how fast people are going now.

[2358] And how dumb people are they'll stop in the middle of the trail and fix their ski.

[2359] I go off to the side dip shit to what two seasons ago I had I almost lost it on this poor kid I came over this hill and you can't see on the other side and he was laying down because he had fallen and he was crying and i'm coming over this little lip and i'm panicking in the middle of the air you're gonna hit him oh my god i think i'm gonna kill him dude oh my snowboard is fucking imagine i think i'm gonna slice his face open and i and i'm moving my weight through the air as i'm falling and i eat shit i mean i eat shit and then i throw my shit off and i grab this kid by the jacket and i like throw him off the middle of the hill probably like seven or eight you know what i mean threw a seven or eight -year -old?

[2360] Oh, yeah, dude.

[2361] Did you beat him up?

[2362] Yeah, I kicked the shit out of my little fucking bitch.

[2363] What'd you do?

[2364] I put him in a fucking headlock.

[2365] I say, you fucking bitch.

[2366] Say Santino's the best.

[2367] No, but I threw him off the side.

[2368] I was like, dude, you cannot be there.

[2369] You're going to get hurt.

[2370] Like, he could have gotten fucking.

[2371] Oh, he's seven.

[2372] He doesn't know any better, bro.

[2373] I know, dude, but that's why I'm like, don't be on this side of the hill.

[2374] But that's the problem is, like, kids go on tough runs and they don't know what they're doing.

[2375] Yeah, that is a problem.

[2376] You get hurt bad.

[2377] I mean, he could have got skis and someone could have come over.

[2378] Well, the thing is, like, no one, it's not like, like when you go on a blue or a green, like, no one tells you, hey, you're not ready for a green.

[2379] I know.

[2380] Let me see your certificate.

[2381] Yeah, you should have a license.

[2382] I can do it.

[2383] Yeah.

[2384] I can do it.

[2385] And he just, I watched this lady eat shit.

[2386] I could see it.

[2387] I was like, oh my God, she's not supposed to be here.

[2388] Boom!

[2389] Boom!

[2390] Boom!

[2391] Here's how you know.

[2392] When you go to Colorado or you go to a resort and you see a guy on the gondola or going up to the top of the top of.

[2393] lift with jeans on.

[2394] I'm always like, I'm going to follow this guy.

[2395] Or he's awesome.

[2396] He knows he's not going to crash.

[2397] That's fucking rare.

[2398] Most of those guys know not to wear jeans.

[2399] Maybe.

[2400] He's like, listen, I'm not fucking crashed.

[2401] Let's go skiing with jeans.

[2402] With jean jacket jeans.

[2403] Yeah, jeans with a thong over the jeans.

[2404] Yeah.

[2405] Yeah, let's do it.

[2406] I don't mind skiing, but I don't like doing it too much.

[2407] It's just, I know so many people that have torn their ACL broke his wrist one year and the year before that he broke his ankle He must be fucking bad I think he's reckless Yeah he's reckless It's a wild person He wants to do He wants to push it all the way to the limit Probably on drugs too Let's be honest Yes I was just gonna say That's the other problem with hills Is like now people are so fucked up now People also get so drunk and go skiing Yeah Like midday drinking up at the top of the mountain I and you know how much I like drinking I don't do it Yeah Because I'm like I'm not getting drunk And going down a fucking hill And then what if I hurt someone And I'm drunk No, I don't want to do it But do you see people at those mid -hill Mid -hill, like, get lodged?

[2408] Dude, fucking chugging beer Yeah, no one stops you.

[2409] Nope.

[2410] No one stops you from that.

[2411] No one stops you from taking mushrooms.

[2412] My friend Aubrey takes mushrooms before he skis.

[2413] That's crazy.

[2414] Maybe he does better.

[2415] I'll take mushrooms after we ski back at the house.

[2416] Maybe take a little bit and you'd be better.

[2417] Maybe a tiny bit.

[2418] I'll take a little hit.

[2419] I'll get a little high, but like, I can't get.

[2420] I don't want to get fucked up and feel like I'm not in control.

[2421] When I play pool, high, I'm better.

[2422] I'm like one ball better.

[2423] Yeah, do you think it's a performance enhancing drug?

[2424] 100%.

[2425] It is, huh?

[2426] Yeah.

[2427] So what do you think about its way in professional sports?

[2428] Jiu -Jitsu as well.

[2429] It is for jujitsu.

[2430] What about like, what about basketball and baseball and I don't play basketball, but I would imagine it's similar to pool and that it's a feel thing.

[2431] Like you're feeling where the ball goes.

[2432] You have a certain sensitivity.

[2433] So you think it should be illegal for professional sports?

[2434] No. No. I don't think it should be illegal because it's like it doesn't make you faster or stronger.

[2435] I think those are the things you should make you illegal.

[2436] But it, I think you could be just as focused without it, but for certain people, it enhances your focus.

[2437] It kind of gives you tunnel vision.

[2438] So that's, but I mean, that's what I'm saying.

[2439] That's the argument is they'd say that could be an advantage.

[2440] I could see that it, I could see you would say it's an advantage.

[2441] I feel like, I am better at Jiu -Jitsu when I'm high.

[2442] I really do believe that.

[2443] Like you perform better.

[2444] Yes, I perform.

[2445] I feel better.

[2446] I feel like I'm more intuitive.

[2447] I understand positions better.

[2448] I understand where I'm going better.

[2449] You ever lift weights high?

[2450] Yes.

[2451] You know what's funny?

[2452] I hate running high.

[2453] Like a lot of people like to get high and run.

[2454] Love it.

[2455] No, see, I get, I can lift weights high, but running high, I don't, it's not my favorite.

[2456] Yoga high.

[2457] Oh, my God.

[2458] Okay, so that makes more sense.

[2459] It's the best.

[2460] You feel like every fiber of your muscles, you feel things stretching, you feel where you're pushing too hard, like where things are starting to pop.

[2461] Right.

[2462] You feel it.

[2463] Yeah.

[2464] Your balance feels good.

[2465] Like the runners high I get from running alone, I just feel like it's its own kind of, like wonderful little drug.

[2466] But lifting, because I'm such an ADD guy That lifting is easily distractible You know, you're like, there's so much to do in the gym And you're like, what am I doing next?

[2467] Yeah, man, when I feel it, man, when I feel it, like when I'm doing chin -ups When I'm high, it just feels...

[2468] No, yeah, I know, I like it.

[2469] I like lifting high.

[2470] There it is.

[2471] Just baked out of your fucking mind.

[2472] What's the one thing you won't do high?

[2473] Oh, commentate on the UFC.

[2474] Have you done it before?

[2475] Yes.

[2476] And you were high and you fucked up?

[2477] I don't like it.

[2478] Did you eat shit?

[2479] No, I did.

[2480] but I this is my worry I've never done it really high my worry is that I wouldn't want to talk about the fights I'd want to talk about other things it just turned into this it would just turn into pocket it's a boring fight like it's first of all it would be extremely disrespectful if while these people who have dedicated months of their life and years of their life training and preparing and here they are in the USC and I barely paid attention to the fight right yeah I'm subject to not pay attention if I'm high I get that if I'm high I could pay attention to the fucking lighting I'd be like how weird is it this lighting thing is above our head.

[2481] It's like a thousand pounds.

[2482] I've never even thought about it.

[2483] Yeah, and it could fall in any minute on accident.

[2484] How many people have died?

[2485] I'd be like, how many people have died from lighting?

[2486] They'd be like, Joe, there's a fight going on right now.

[2487] Like, I know, I know, but this fight's going on all the time.

[2488] D .C. is like, thank you for the lighting tips, Joe, we're going to go right back to the fight.

[2489] People would be angry at me. Yeah.

[2490] Legitimately so.

[2491] It's a dick move.

[2492] That's, like, that's, like, certain people can be really baked on stage.

[2493] I can be a little high, but I can't get too high and get on stage.

[2494] I don't lacks.

[2495] It's really weird.

[2496] Writing, like the other side of it is enjoyable high.

[2497] Like, I love creating and writing and making high, but performing high, not my favorite show.

[2498] Tell you where it's the best to be super high.

[2499] That stand up on the spot show, Jeremiah Wachton's show.

[2500] Oh, yeah, well, yes.

[2501] Bullets greed.

[2502] Well, it's all improv.

[2503] It's all, right.

[2504] Complete improvisation.

[2505] High as a kite.

[2506] But that's because it's a, it's almost like a win -win.

[2507] That thing is like, even if you're not really coming up with, like, shit that you're, it's still in the moment of fun.

[2508] All of it is in And when you're in the main room performing, how about when you're doing a fucking arena?

[2509] No, can't.

[2510] No way.

[2511] I mean, we've gotten a little high before big shows.

[2512] But I can't get, I can't get ripped.

[2513] If I'm ripped, I'm not focused.

[2514] I've gotten ripped.

[2515] Like, the most ripped I've ever gotten is before podcasts.

[2516] In the early days of podcasting, we were talking about this the other day.

[2517] And I would be in the middle of talking, not knowing what the fuck I was talking about.

[2518] Yeah.

[2519] And I'd be like, wait a minute, that's not right.

[2520] What?

[2521] What am I saying?

[2522] What am I even saying?

[2523] There was so many podcasts that if I look back on these cringy moments of things that I said, I was like, I was so high, I barely knew what I was talking about.

[2524] Right.

[2525] Is your number accurate for how many this is?

[2526] Yes.

[2527] They were pretty close.

[2528] Or were there numbers that got lost in the Matrix?

[2529] Things like podcasts on a plane that I don't think, wow, we're in the number group.

[2530] Are they numbered?

[2531] There's probably like 15 -ish that don't have numbers, and then the fight companions didn't get numbers.

[2532] What's the number at?

[2533] What are we at right now?

[2534] This is 1371.

[2535] You know what you talked about that we never went through with?

[2536] I don't know what city we were in but we talked about doing it from one of those cool fucking buses.

[2537] Yes.

[2538] That van or whatever was.

[2539] Yeah, the sprinter van.

[2540] That's what they're called.

[2541] Well, what we talked about, Jamie and I talked about this too was getting a sprinter van and doing it up in the inside like a podcast studio and then taking it to gigs.

[2542] So like say if you and I did a gig in Irvine, we'd hire a driver, Jamie would be in the back, working the fucking controls and shit, all microphones and cameras, and we're drive down to Irvine.

[2543] And it works so much better now that the show's not live anymore.

[2544] Right.

[2545] It would be easy to do because you would just compress it all into a video file and then upload it to YouTube.

[2546] I still think we should do that.

[2547] We could totally do that.

[2548] You know what we should do, though?

[2549] We should get like three or four comics to go do like a big thing in Vegas.

[2550] Yes.

[2551] And we take the drive to Vegas and make us, you know, like do like a podcast from there to Vegas.

[2552] It's like a four hour drive.

[2553] And we would do all four or five us in the van.

[2554] Four hours if everything goes great.

[2555] Sure.

[2556] Yeah.

[2557] Sure.

[2558] But even still, I think that's a great job.

[2559] drive and then you can edit it and cut it down and then get to Vegas show the show and then whatever yeah and we could do it safe too we could actually have seatbelts yeah you know and we could actually have a podcast well you can get those sprinter vans man there's companies that design them they do whatever you want right I mean they can even put a screen up like that where Jamie can like throw to a screen and we can look at stuff but we would have to have some kind of an internet connection while we're in there well don't they have those um you know those you can buy them yeah it's dog shit are they yeah yeah yeah the direct TV's good you can get real direct TV and those things but your internet really slow what do I think you can buy those from like from the phone companies that the little tiny pods as you go well you can get some cellular internet connection and I think Chuck our audio guy was telling us that we can they can combine two or three cellular signals and up the bandwidth so maybe we could stream YouTube on a television if you're in a place to this like they tether your phone would you have separate ones you would get separate ones that are dedicated and you get, is that correct?

[2560] Yeah, there's companies that have it set up so you can have like a backpack for like people that call IRL streamers that walk around and stream that just switches back to the most what's going on my audio?

[2561] The president's just they're listening dude.

[2562] It'll just go to the whatever antenna's working the best at the time you're there and it'll just like tether.

[2563] Yeah, but if you're in a place that has nothing you have nothing.

[2564] But if we you know drive to Vegas is pretty good most of the way, right?

[2565] I feel like Vegas is easy, though, because it's so heavy traffic that area.

[2566] You get cell phone most of the way, right?

[2567] Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

[2568] And, like, the 405, if you're head down, like, if we had a gig in Irvine or something like that, you'd be able to...

[2569] Or like a trip up north to San Francisco would be fucking awesome.

[2570] Yeah, yeah.

[2571] Oh, that's a long drive, though.

[2572] Rather fly.

[2573] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[2574] Or let's take a private jet and do it on a jet.

[2575] Do, do, do, do, do...

[2576] Like Tommy Seguda, he's taking private jets all over the place.

[2577] He's hashtag ballin.

[2578] He's baling.

[2579] He is bawling, dude.

[2580] He's selling out everywhere.

[2581] Yeah, he's overseas.

[2582] Everybody is.

[2583] Like, it's amazing.

[2584] Burt Kreisher's making fucking crazy money now.

[2585] Yeah.

[2586] Looking thin, sexy.

[2587] Getting thin and sexy, baby.

[2588] Yeah, everybody's murdering it.

[2589] Oh, speaking of which.

[2590] You got a fucking theater tour.

[2591] I got a small theater tour.

[2592] Yeah, the Red Rocket Tour.

[2593] 2020, baby.

[2594] I've got some dates left.

[2595] Um, no. You want to do the comedy store with me?

[2596] Yep.

[2597] Two shows.

[2598] I'm there.

[2599] Woo!

[2600] See you.

[2601] You heard it here, bitches.

[2602] Yeah, tomorrow.

[2603] Brian Callin's doing it with us.

[2604] Oh, okay, never mind.

[2605] want to do it with that fucking piece of shit.

[2606] Come on.

[2607] Yeah, I'm doing my first small theater tour, man. The Red Rocket 2020 tour.

[2608] Edmonton, Denver, Minneapolis, Madison, Bakersfield.

[2609] Detroit, Atlanta.

[2610] You're doing the Fox Theater in Bakersfield?

[2611] That place is the shit.

[2612] I don't know what I'm doing about.

[2613] I don't know.

[2614] That's fucking great.

[2615] Yeah, it's cool.

[2616] It's awesome.

[2617] There's a theater up there in Bakersfield.

[2618] It's awesome.

[2619] Detroit, Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Portland, Portland, Seattle, Miami, West Palm Beach, and Phoenix.

[2620] Tickets now at Andrewsantito .com.

[2621] I'm around, dude.

[2622] I've got a couple of dates.

[2623] left here that I'm doing the rest of the year.

[2624] November, I've got some stuff that I'm doing now.

[2625] But yeah, they fucking, the two people that I work with did this for me. It's fucking incredible, right?

[2626] We'll put that up on Instagram after we get out of here.

[2627] Grazie, Motobani.

[2628] Let's wrap this bitch up.

[2629] Yeah, baby.

[2630] Andrewsantino .com for all your Santino needs and pleasures.

[2631] My brother, fun times.

[2632] Thank you, man. Fun times this weekend, too.

[2633] Yes, it was fucking awesome.

[2634] It'll be better next time because I won't be Soba!

[2635] Yeah.

[2636] Sober October.

[2637] Today we have three solid days left.

[2638] Hang in there, you fuck.

[2639] Bye -bye.

[2640] So close.

[2641] By the way, we didn't even fucking this guy.