#1989 - Andrew Dice Clay

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, checking out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Yeah, number one, it's great to see you.

[4] Great to see you, too.

[5] Let me just do what I got to do.

[6] You know.

[7] Are these your podcast glasses?

[8] You got special ones?

[9] What's his name?

[10] Jamie.

[11] That's your name.

[12] You do understand.

[13] I'm doing the Joe Rogan experience, right?

[14] He's doing the Joe Rogan experience.

[15] So why won't I?

[16] Yeah, you got swap classes.

[17] Ooh, I like those.

[18] We go with the chrome.

[19] I like it.

[20] I like it.

[21] I like the chrome.

[22] I like it.

[23] I like how you have a case.

[24] Those are serious shades.

[25] This is the experience.

[26] This is your shit.

[27] You've now taken over everything, in my opinion.

[28] And I'm proud of you for that.

[29] Thank you.

[30] Well, I'm proud to be your friend.

[31] Well, I'm proud to be yours.

[32] Now, if you notice.

[33] You know, I was in your documentary.

[34] And everything I said, I 100 % believe.

[35] even is true.

[36] And I appreciate it.

[37] And we were actually just talking about you last night.

[38] And I was telling these guys, I go, Dice is doing the only real alternative comedy that's out there.

[39] Those videos that you're doing with fans.

[40] You were, first of all, you were one of the originators of what I would call alternative comedy.

[41] This is what you did.

[42] You did the day the laughter died in the height of your success.

[43] You were selling out arenas all over the fucking place And you decided to do Gangerfields when no one was in there With no material and just fuck around And it's amazing Listen, listen Before we even go there All right I got a little beef with you Nothing that's not It's not going to get violent Okay, none of that What's the beef?

[44] Because even years ago When you first came to L .A. and trust me, you were alternative.

[45] The minute I walked into the...

[46] I don't mean alternative in a negative way.

[47] No, no. You're doing it your own way.

[48] Oh, okay.

[49] The way you saw fit.

[50] The way I did it, the way Kennison did it.

[51] That's how you did it.

[52] So I come walking into the original room.

[53] I come in through the back.

[54] I always do the same thing.

[55] I go in through the kitchen, club soda, red straw, $5 tip into the original room.

[56] Because I'm hearing something.

[57] somebody I don't know okay and I look in there and it's you full force I mean screaming at the crowd and what made it even better you number one you were doing time and you were just going ballistic I thought you were going to start breaking the stool I mean you just you know you were also just finding your We're talking about 25, maybe even closer to 30 years ago when you first came out there and you're screaming your head off and you get in a heckle fight with a guy.

[58] Now, I will admit that the heckle fights I've had end in the club, okay?

[59] It just ends, not you.

[60] This went outside where there's, I don't know, 20 people, 20 -something people between the two years.

[61] and I'm going, he's going to kill this guy.

[62] For what?

[63] The guy yelled out during his set, but you were right because the guy didn't stop and he was one of those.

[64] No, that guy was threatening me. No, he was threatening me and he said he was going to throw a glass at me and he was holding a glass back.

[65] And you would just try.

[66] I don't know if he was that drunk.

[67] I think he was just a piece of shit.

[68] And the thing about that guy, I know that story, that guy had done that to a bunch of other comedians before me and I got to see and watch it.

[69] And they didn't know how to handle it.

[70] He was just being a piece of shit No, I know that And look, I've had Is it a difference you know, like a heckler And someone who like purposely tries To interrupt the set For their own joy And fuck with people And doesn't care And then he threatened me And so I was like, okay We'll see what happens Let's go outside Yeah, yeah But that's what I loved You know You know, I even loved one time You know, I'm out back And I know how close you are with Diaz And he gets in a little argument with someone but what is and i'm watching this and i'm like oh please why am i even here you know i wasn't even going to come out tonight and it's getting heated and he has a bad temper so he takes one of the big glasses oh yeah and he just breaks it so it's a jagged edge and i'm like joey what are you doing put the glass down it's like i see that he's seeing red yeah put the glass down and he's looking at me and he's like yeah you're right he's not worth it i don't know i'm going to work that this is a comedy club what goes on here you know Rogan's chasing people outside to continue to fight you're ready to cut some guy I know the Diaz story too though the Diaz guy that guy was a piece of shit too but the other guy was a biker he was like this tough guy that liked to fuck with Joey and Joey was like I will cut you and he was willing to but this is this is Joey like fresh out of jail Joey this is Joey like 30 years ago Joey It's a different Joe.

[71] Yeah, and this is Dice, just wanting to do a pop thing.

[72] Well, also me for then, back then, it was just so weird to be around you.

[73] Because I've told the story before, but when I was 19 years old, me and my girlfriend were sitting in my fucking car in front of my house.

[74] I'll never forget it.

[75] And we're listening to Dice the cassette.

[76] And we're howling laughing.

[77] She was crying.

[78] She was just going, ah!

[79] She just kept, like, slapping her arms.

[80] and I just remember thinking this before I even thought about doing an open mic I just kept thinking how the fuck is someone so funny I remember listening to that cassette it was so good it was so fun it's so silly and just me as a kid as a 19 year old kid trying to find my way in life it's just like so just for me being a rant when I came to the store I used to be like holy shit that's tight clay it's it was weird listen first off I appreciate the things you say and that you have said when I'm not here, but...

[81] I mean everything I say.

[82] Am I allowed to tell you how proud I am of you?

[83] You can tell me anything you want.

[84] No, because I have watched you.

[85] See, people forget your beginning.

[86] You know, I remember to stand up.

[87] I remember you on a hit sitcom.

[88] I remember...

[89] It wasn't really a hit.

[90] Well, I remember...

[91] It was a hit kind of after.

[92] Yeah, that was here.

[93] I remember what I do remember.

[94] And you've brought this up on the show where, um, I was like, I had like a few weeks off.

[95] I would do half a million people and then come home for a few weeks.

[96] That was my touring.

[97] You know, we'll get into all that.

[98] We could show a clip.

[99] I think I sent the clip of me just standing on stage at the garden, not even talking.

[100] And so what happened is I'm back because I would book 20 cities at a clip.

[101] And honestly, we all know this is before.

[102] any kind of social media this is 35 years ago yes the ad was the size of the pad which if you notice says rogan i bought a pad to make notes you understand i understand i appreciate it you know i like all they're written big too don't forget the back page the back page yeah that's a whole pad that i'll never use it what you didn't notice i'm not in leather you're wearing are you going vegan on me?

[103] No, this is daytime dyes.

[104] Oh, daytime times.

[105] Why would I wear a show leather during the day?

[106] I understand.

[107] So I gave you the motorcycle, I gave you the gloves, but we went cotton.

[108] I like it.

[109] All out.

[110] Casual.

[111] New York.

[112] Comfortable.

[113] Casual.

[114] Comfortable.

[115] So back then, I see you hanging outside.

[116] This is the first time we talk, really.

[117] And I come over to you.

[118] You're just in the back parking lot.

[119] The same area where Diaz was going to cut someone's throat weeks earlier.

[120] All right.

[121] And you're just hanging out, you know.

[122] And I said, how are you doing?

[123] I introduced myself.

[124] And you were really respectful, really nice.

[125] You still are.

[126] And I said, what are you doing here?

[127] And you said, what do you mean?

[128] I'm a comic.

[129] I'm going to do a set.

[130] I go, no. What are you doing here at the store for $25?

[131] dollars.

[132] I go, you're on, in my opinion, a hit show, a hit sitcom.

[133] I go, you can be out there making tens of thousands of dollars on the road.

[134] And I'm thinking, who's his manager?

[135] Like I wanted to call the manager, go, why do you have your client at the store when he's on a hit show when in three days he could go make himself 15, 20 grand in a minute?

[136] You know, and you were looking at me going, really?

[137] Yeah, that's what it's about.

[138] Well, this is what I tell everybody this.

[139] I remember where we were standing.

[140] You came up to me like, you should do the road.

[141] Right outside the back door.

[142] Why are you doing the road?

[143] I was like, why aren't I doing the road?

[144] I should probably do the road.

[145] I mean, a lot of it was like sitcoms are a lot of work, especially in the early days.

[146] There was like 16 hour days and you're exhausted.

[147] And I just was happy to just still be doing stand -up.

[148] So I'd go to the store.

[149] I didn't have any friends.

[150] I just moved there.

[151] So I'd go to the store after I did my work all day and I could do a set.

[152] that's that's sort of why I did it you know but it was just so great the way you looked at me like really like I could be making more than 25 but I knew I could be making money and we all know what the store's about it's not about money the store that college for comics that we all the hangout it's just the greatest place it's the great well now there's two great places now we've got the mothership we basically did the story in Texas but you telling me that changed my life it did because then I started touring I listened to you Because that's why you're sitting right here right now.

[153] That's why when your show elevated to this level, you were getting texting from me. Because I was there before you in a different way, you know, but, you know, let me tell you something.

[154] When you're the first guy to, I'm the first guy to do what I did.

[155] Yes.

[156] You know, I mean, I always looked up to Eddie Murphy.

[157] I think he's the absolute great.

[158] from stand -up to the films he's done.

[159] And that's sort of the career I wanted.

[160] I figured I would just go from doing, you know, millions of people on the road to just movie -starred them, you know.

[161] But, you know, I got the backlash, you know.

[162] Yeah, you were the first to get the backlash.

[163] Yeah, but, yeah, I was the first cancel culture.

[164] So ban from MTV.

[165] Ban from MTV for jokes.

[166] I mean, you're bringing up stuff I want to bring up.

[167] But let me, all right, so with MTV, this is what you'll love.

[168] This is the part you don't know.

[169] Well, didn't they approve that set anywhere?

[170] No, they didn't.

[171] They didn't know?

[172] No, see, you know, this is the thing.

[173] You know, I always had an expression.

[174] Nobody fucks with dice.

[175] Dice does the fucking.

[176] In the past, the present, the future and a day, Dice ultimately.

[177] In the multiverse.

[178] the fucking.

[179] That's it.

[180] In the multiverse.

[181] So I come for the rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my mark and ladies and gentlemen I remember it.

[182] The last Puritan, share and I make that move with my hand.

[183] Right?

[184] Share.

[185] Okay.

[186] So I'm getting ready and they already had a couple comics on that just tanked you know, Paul Reiser and I think he's great.

[187] But tough crowds.

[188] You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater and talk about the hat's Sinatra War.

[189] I'm looking at my friend going, look at the crowd.

[190] It's like he's not even in the room.

[191] You know, my friend says to me, he goes, well, you could go out there and you could either be a teardrop, or you could be a tidal wave.

[192] You know you.

[193] Okay.

[194] So I don't really want to go nuts.

[195] I'm trying to do the right thing.

[196] I got the biggest manager ever, Sandy Gallen, who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton.

[197] I mean, I'm sure you know the name, Sandy Gallen.

[198] Okay.

[199] So biggest manager in Hollywood.

[200] So I'm trying to do the right thing.

[201] And so now, I don't know, a minute before I go out, Arsenio's the host.

[202] Here comes Dick Clark, who, wow, it's Dick Clark.

[203] You know, you grow up watching this man. And he comes over just to hear him call me Dice was hilarious.

[204] And he goes, look, Dice.

[205] If you got a stretch, Arsenio will come over to you and you'll play around.

[206] And I go, whoa, wait a minute.

[207] What do you mean stretch?

[208] Stretch what?

[209] You know, what am I stretching?

[210] Am I dick?

[211] What are you talking about?

[212] No, I'm not even kidding.

[213] he goes, no, you know, because share might not be ready.

[214] I go, no, no, no, we didn't work anything out, me in Arsenio.

[215] And I had no problem with Arsenio, but, you know, this is a standalone spot, you know, and he goes, well, this is the way things go.

[216] I go, don't fucking tell me how things go, okay?

[217] You're not my boss, you know, and as I'm getting angry at him, which in my mind, I'm going, are you really getting angry at Dick Clark?

[218] Right?

[219] They start introducing me. well I come out there now I'm angry now everybody's going to pay now everybody will be disciplined and I don't know how I did the set but I went into the poems now you got to understand this is not HBO or showtime this is MTV everybody gets this it's free you know I go into the poems and what was the poem oh that got me band, I go, Georgie Porgy putting in pie, jerked off in his girlfriend's eye.

[220] When I was dry and shut, Georgie, fuck that one -eyed slut.

[221] Oh!

[222] And the crowd's going fucking crazy.

[223] So I figured, go into my fat girl stuff.

[224] And that ended with, you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends.

[225] It's like one big lop of shit, right?

[226] And I go, now I go, because they get gave me a signal, ladies and gentlemen, the last Puritan, Cher, and she comes out singing if I could turn back time, which is what everybody was thinking in the room, if we could turn back time about eight minutes.

[227] But in the meantime, while I'm doing the act, Dick Clark goes to charge me, and Arsenio jumps on his back and tackles him.

[228] Dick Clark's trying to stop yourself?

[229] Dick Clark was going to jump.

[230] He went out of his fucking mind.

[231] His hair got messy.

[232] I'll put it to you that way.

[233] So now I come off the stage, Eddie, right?

[234] Jamie.

[235] Listen, Jamie.

[236] Young Jamie.

[237] Young Jamie.

[238] So now they're taking me into the press tense, not one question was asked.

[239] And it was all the press in the world.

[240] Sandy Gallen calls me at home.

[241] He goes, I was praying that what?

[242] What I was watching on TV was only coming through my television.

[243] Then I get a call, you know, from a club owner, remember Rascals and West Orange, the owner, Mark Magnumson, the greatest guy?

[244] So, Kennison was there who, I always say he was having a rivalry with me. I was happy for him when his career took off.

[245] I was thrilled for him.

[246] He had no problem with me because I was.

[247] was on the show Crime Story at the time.

[248] And he was doing, I don't know, four, five thousand seats a night.

[249] He was the guy before I took off.

[250] When my career took off, it went straight to arenas.

[251] I was doing 80 to 100 ,000 people a week.

[252] And he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason.

[253] But he goes, so Kennison's watching this going, that's it, he's done, he's finished.

[254] In the meantime, the reality was I went from doing one arena show, let's say at the spectrum in Philly to two arena shows or three arena shows where Bill Burr saw me in Boston at whatever arena I did there at one show it went to three shows it just got bigger and bigger and bigger and nothing was hurting and so the next day there's this big meeting at MTV and Rick Rubin was there you know and you know my people that I worked with Sandy got all these but it was the presidents that banning me for life you know which is hilarious I'm not even a singer you know and uh yeah I'm like so I'm banned what do I give a shit look at the numbers you know and um but Dick Clark this is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there his hair is now fixed the next day and he says to a room full of executives when they're banning me for life he goes are you sure you want to do that because Rick Rubin told me he goes this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now and you're banning him for life it was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career and like I said this is 1990 yeah you know this is years before the arena comedy today which you do when Bill does it and so many.

[255] I didn't even know I was setting that off.

[256] I mean, it was a goal of mine because honestly, if I was just being honest, I never gave a fuck about stand -up.

[257] It's not why I do it.

[258] You know, I came into stand -up because I just figured instead of going to an acting school once a week, you know why not get on a stage and develop your own method of acting you know and I could be on a stage every single night and I'd be at the comedy store and I'd see all these comics there and they would stand see that was great about you you didn't stand there like a stick figure you were all over the stage you were performing but when I came to the country comedy store.

[259] Even Alano, great comics.

[260] Seinfeld, all great comics.

[261] But they'd stand there.

[262] Like they were an assembly class.

[263] And after five, six minutes, I get bored and walk out of the room.

[264] And when I would go back to Brooklyn, my mother, who was the one who had the look and the personality, it's where I get that, you know, that balls bigger than, you know, brass ball thing.

[265] And I would tell her about the comics, And I go, about the only one that would move is Richard Lewis, you know, because his whole act was about, it's all a nightmare, and he would pace, and he would just make me laugh my ass off.

[266] And I would tell her about all these comics, but I come from music.

[267] I come from drumming, singing, dancing, and my mother would say to me, well, what are you going to do?

[268] You know, I go, you know what, Ma, I'll just become the Elvis of Comedy.

[269] I go, that's who I loved.

[270] You know, that's my confidence.

[271] my true belief, my true statement.

[272] I said, these guys, they're all okay.

[273] But I go, my, if you, you know that comics would always just be opening acts for singers, you know, and I didn't put much into that.

[274] You know, I didn't care about that.

[275] So if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to work on this at the same time, I'm working on acting chops, just become the biggest the world has ever seen.

[276] You know, that's how I looked at it.

[277] It was that simple of a thought to me. you know and that that's how it all began do you think that you made that happen with your mind like do you ever wonder about that like if you think about all the success you've had and even like the downsides do you ever wonder like how much of it you actually create with your mind i believe that and you have to use a realistic thought with anything you want to do in life you can't walk around saying i'm going to become a neurosurgeon right You know, do you know, just by a chance, do you know Dr. Rock Politano?

[278] No, I don't.

[279] He's my toe and heel guy in New York.

[280] He said he gave you the book, Street Smart.

[281] He might have.

[282] He's, yeah, he's great, I've been to foot doctors for eight years now.

[283] He's fixing my feet.

[284] I might have met him and forgot.

[285] Yeah, but so he said he gave you this book.

[286] Okay.

[287] But anyway, yeah, I'm at doctors all the time.

[288] We'll get into that.

[289] What's wrong with your foot?

[290] But, I don't know, I didn't feel my toes for about eight years.

[291] Oh, yeah.

[292] Nerve blockage?

[293] No, see, he really did the number, like checking out my feet from every angle, and he goes, you don't have, see, this is what I do like about you.

[294] You have a thirst for knowledge and your guest.

[295] You have everything from maniacs like me to scientists to doctors.

[296] I love that about you.

[297] You thirst for knowledge.

[298] but just the fact you know about nerve damage and the feet is impressive to me but it wasn't the nerve damage and he explained what it was under my toes and now he goes your toes have been inflamed for eight years he goes that's the problem he goes this other idiot you went to that's telling you to stretch your toes did it work so Palatano and I love that he's from Brooklyn he's from Benson Hurst everybody in the office is from Brooklyn and they were in New York so that's why there was even a conversation because I was there twice last week and I said yeah I'm going to do Joe Ruggin and he goes I gave him my book Street Smart because he also wrote a book on Joe DiMaggio he lived with him for 10 years oh wow he does sports you know that's what he's known for so so this guy's really helping me and like you know it's funny I'm in bed with my my sugar plum that you met outside And, you know, I should be thinking about having action, and I'm going, look, I can wig on my toes.

[299] Look at that.

[300] You know, but she gets it because she's gone through a lot with me since we've been together.

[301] And that's just one of the problems.

[302] But, but, yeah, I love, you know, your thirst for knowledge.

[303] And I'm not looking to get away from the day to last, the day.

[304] I'll do something special with that.

[305] but when I, remember I said about a little beef with you?

[306] Did it a beef with me?

[307] Yeah.

[308] What did I do wrong?

[309] Vincent.

[310] Jamie.

[311] Jamie.

[312] Vincent fits you, though, if you think about it.

[313] I'm from Brooklyn.

[314] Jamie.

[315] What's up?

[316] All right, so before I'm getting dressed today.

[317] And I can't even figure out, do I give them daytime dyes, do I give them nighttime days?

[318] Dice.

[319] Do I do a Brooklyn sweatshirt?

[320] All the clothes I brought for this.

[321] I like what you did.

[322] You know, it's good.

[323] It's good.

[324] It works.

[325] It's the right.

[326] It's perfect.

[327] He nailed it.

[328] She's going, do you want to wear the ADC?

[329] She's very involved.

[330] I understand.

[331] You spoke to her.

[332] You see how she is.

[333] She's lovely woman.

[334] She's got a corporate very smart.

[335] I'm crazy about her more than.

[336] Congratulations.

[337] It's the love of my life.

[338] I'll say that on the air.

[339] I believe you're kidding.

[340] And I mean, it's actually the first girl.

[341] I got her during the pandemic.

[342] got her, you know, at the airport.

[343] And I'll get into that later, but the point is, it's the only girl.

[344] Since I'm 17 that I've ever lived with, we haven't had an argument in nearly four years.

[345] And that has not been my life, as you know.

[346] Yeah.

[347] So the point I was making, I brought you up and I said, you know, I'm going to have to, to do this podcast, right, I got to tell you all my feelings about the thing we were talking.

[348] about last night and I don't want him mad because I've always said the one person I've told this to so many comics I go the one person you never want to fuck with and get angry is Rogan that includes me you know I go you can fuck with any comic they're all insecure they get scared if they see a fly I go don't fuck with Rogan because you're another guy that does the fucking and And she goes, well, are you going to tell him this?

[349] I go, you know what?

[350] I owe it to myself, because if I don't tell him this, then I'm not the man I say, I am.

[351] You know, the lion isn't the king?

[352] It's the tiger?

[353] Yes.

[354] Tigers fuck up lions.

[355] Do you understand what you've done to me?

[356] Yeah, they're bigger.

[357] No, but you don't get it.

[358] My whole life, I've based off the lion being the king of the jungle.

[359] I have a gold lion with diamonds in it.

[360] I have a mat at my house.

[361] Do you know why they're the king of the jungle?

[362] I saw it all explain.

[363] Well, I'll tell you why, because the tiger doesn't live there.

[364] No, but the point is, I see this whole thing with the tiger kicking the shit.

[365] Mike, I have a production company named Brave Lion.

[366] Lions are amazing.

[367] It's been my, no, but he's not the king anymore.

[368] He's a jerk off animal with a good hair dude.

[369] That's all the lion is to me. They have a much better relationship, though, with the other lions.

[370] The lion is the king.

[371] You know why?

[372] The king doesn't necessarily have to be the baddest motherfucker.

[373] The king just has to be a real, like an alpha dominant male of the pride.

[374] But with cats, like tigers are more solitary.

[375] They have a totally different kind of relationship.

[376] But I would have named a brave tiger.

[377] Yeah, but you don't want to be a tiger.

[378] You want to be a lion.

[379] Lions are more admirable.

[380] Well, my thing was with the lion, when the lion, when the lion, gets backed against the wall, his claws grow.

[381] And that's why he could beat the shit out of everybody.

[382] Like, when he feels cornered, like he could take down a bear because of the claws, right?

[383] No. No. Well, they're just really good predators, and they might not be able to take down a bear.

[384] Bears are pretty fucking huge and ferocious and very invulnerable.

[385] Their body is very thick.

[386] But I saw that, and I'm like, are you kidding me here?

[387] Yeah.

[388] Tigers would destroy a lion.

[389] Because your case is very strong.

[390] The thing is, though, lines have a terrible existence in the end because the male lines, they gang up on him and kill him.

[391] Yeah, and I heard it's the chick that kicks everybody's ass.

[392] Well, the chicks do all the hunting.

[393] Female lines do all the hunting.

[394] So basically the guy sits around and he reads the newspaper, like he's worthless.

[395] All the male does is protect his children from other males and protect the females from being bred by other males.

[396] Because that's the whole game.

[397] The whole game is who controls the breeding.

[398] And then the moment they ostracized the male, they take the alpha and they force them out either they kill him or they gravely injure him they kill all the babies all of his babies all his boys all right so it's a rough neighborhood so i don't i don't have to change the name no no no lions are amazing they're more complicated so you're saying lion stills the king yeah lions are the king what tigers are is just this ultra beautiful killing machine that's what they are they're a different thing they don't have like the same nobility though when a lion's sitting there over his pride and the females are all out hunting that's that's a wild that's an amazing creature yeah that's how i looked at it and then i see the thing with the tiger well and you know for two days now she's going are you really going to talk about this you know and you're going to bring up the points the yeah there's a there's a balance to all of it the pyramid thing pyramids yeah yeah she goes you're really going to bring that up and she goes you know how you are you know you're not that academic.

[399] And I go, I go, yeah, I go, I got to admit, like, and you even probably know this, you're never going to find two Dice fans that are arguing over what college you think Dice went to.

[400] You're never going to find those fans.

[401] One of them might say something like, well, I heard he lived near a college.

[402] Yeah.

[403] You know what I mean?

[404] So, but, you know, with the pyramid thing, why not?

[405] Just on that.

[406] What about the Pyramid?

[407] Why North?

[408] Why North?

[409] What's that?

[410] No, north.

[411] You know how you, they point north?

[412] North, south, east, west.

[413] North.

[414] No, but there's a reason like the north or something?

[415] Well, the pyramid is the way it's set on the earth.

[416] It is, it points directly north, southeast, and west, apparently.

[417] Like, find out what the, the way the pyramid is aligned with the earth.

[418] There's also, it's, it's, it points directly north, southeast, and west, apparently.

[419] Like, like, find out what the, the, the, the, the way the pyramid is aligned with the earth.

[420] There's the height of the pyramid.

[421] Yeah.

[422] There's like a lot of mathematics, but this is all like Randall Carlson's stuff.

[423] The world.

[424] Yeah, the eucalyptus, yeah.

[425] You know, with the, with the width and everything.

[426] It's also the three pyramids aligned with these certain stars in the sky and the Orion Belt.

[427] There's a lot of complicated stuff with the pyramids.

[428] Yeah, because you really delve into this stuff.

[429] Now, delve is not an easy word.

[430] I'll just tell you that, Vincent.

[431] You know, delve is not an easy word.

[432] It's hard to use and not sound pretension.

[433] Delve.

[434] You know, I figure.

[435] No, there it is.

[436] Okay, the Giza pyramid oriented to the face of the four cardinal directions.

[437] True north, south, east, and west.

[438] Their entrances are all on the north side, and the temple of the pyramids are on the east side.

[439] So somehow or another, they aligned it to true north, southeast, and west.

[440] The 2 ,300 ,000 stones, the Great Pyramid Giza, they don't know how they moved them there.

[441] They don't know how they put them there.

[442] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[443] So we really don't even know.

[444] I've been obsessed with that since I was born.

[445] And are you thinking?

[446] alien I think more likely there was a very advanced civilization and they got wiped out by some natural disaster I think where we are right now I think another civilization before us was maybe more evolved than us or more advanced than us just in a different way and their way was these immense stone structures with like a lot of geological they had to bring them from somewhere they brought them from they know the quarries where they brought them them from some of them were 500 miles away but how perfectly insane perfect just not just insane how smooth and cut they were but supposedly those people didn't even have steel supposedly they were working with copper tools and also the the methods they used there was some sort of diamond saws because there's there's cuts in some of them that indicate a very high RPM drill that they used.

[447] There's all these corings where it seems like the stone's been cored by these super sophisticated machinery that we don't understand today.

[448] We don't know what they used.

[449] We don't know where they got it.

[450] We don't know where it is now.

[451] We don't know what happened.

[452] I think Randall Carlson's explanation and Graham Hancock's explanations are the best.

[453] And those, what they talk about is that there was a verified 100 % impact on Earth.

[454] somewhere 11 ,800 years ago.

[455] And not just here, not just like in North America, but all over Europe, they find nanodiams, and they find evidence of eridium, which is very common in space and very rare on Earth.

[456] So they think that civilization got wiped out.

[457] So that's what I think the pyramids are.

[458] I think the pyramids are the best evidence of that insanely advanced civilization that existed 20 ,000 years ago, maybe even more.

[459] I think our timeline is fucked up.

[460] And Graham Hancock says it best.

[461] He said that we're a civilization with amnesia.

[462] That's what I think.

[463] But maybe aliens too.

[464] Yeah, this is why I stick to comedy.

[465] Da!

[466] It really is.

[467] But that's what I love about you, that, you know, I actually feel like it's your thirst for learning and everything that has brought you to this level where you are today.

[468] Well, it's definitely helped me a lot because all the people that I wanted to talk to, it's because I wanted to talk to them.

[469] It wasn't because, like, a publicist set it up and, you know, like, look, like, beneficial or something like that.

[470] Like, all these, like, weird scientists and archaeologists and interesting people.

[471] Yeah, that's what's amazing about the show.

[472] Yeah, it's just about any given day.

[473] It could be a scientist, a doctor, a comedian.

[474] You know, that's why you're sitting where you are right now.

[475] And I just, you know, I'm just giving you, that word that I'm just giving you kudos.

[476] Thank you, sir.

[477] Appreciate it.

[478] Like I was really, like I was saying, just really proud when I heard you made the deal and, you know, the whole thing.

[479] Because I know what that feels like when you go from a level you thought that was it to this whole other stratosphere.

[480] I know what you were entering.

[481] And that's why I was texting you at the beginning and even writing things to you like, don't just give away your money.

[482] Because I know how it gets when you hit you.

[483] that level i used to give away just so i mean bums would get 5 000 i always at that time just carried i'm not even and if you're missing a limb it was 10 grand i'm not even kidding and uh i remember being outside the comedy store and there's a lady you might have even seen it back then she'd have two kids and the you know the shopping cart from ralphs whatever and i'm just feeling bad going this woman doesn't even have a place to live and I just take out five grand cash I go here go get yourself a place to live you know don't you think she was back the next night for another five grand was she yeah I couldn't believe but that was a as one guy I really felt bad for a guy and it was Chicago and this isn't to say how good I am because people go what charities are you involved I give money when I see people that need money you know I'm not saying I never gave to a charity, but I'm saying I don't need the bullshit of going, oh, what a good person.

[484] He's involved in this.

[485] Right.

[486] It's just not who I have.

[487] There's a bit of a scam to that.

[488] Yeah, I give personally.

[489] So I saw a guy in the rain hopping around on one leg and crutches.

[490] I gave this guy 10 grand.

[491] I put it right in his pocket and I walked away.

[492] You know, another guy chased me down the block in a wheelchair that I put five grand in his cup.

[493] Like he realized like, what I put in his cup and he came, I go, just take it, brother, it's good, you know, just let it be good for you.

[494] You know, that's the way I like to do things.

[495] But I would get hit up by every comic.

[496] I'd get calls for cards.

[497] My wife's a little sick.

[498] Can you see, I just need three grand.

[499] You know, they'd ask for thousands like it was nothing.

[500] So when you took off, I was like, just tell us, I'd take care of your family.

[501] That's it.

[502] You know, I'm not saying never, take care of a buddy if he's in dire straits but I'm just saying everybody comes out of the woodwork and the level you went to and the press you got about it you know I would tell my girlfriend and my sons they go this guy's going to be hit from all angles I want to see what this does to him and you've kept it together incredible thank you you know and another thing I'm looking forward to is I'll talk about the comedy store but the mothership I hear It's just the greatest.

[503] I can't wait to show, do you?

[504] I can't wait to be there because it's, you know, I know how much you love Mitzie in the store and you were, didn't you like start building it and just redo it because you didn't like how it was going?

[505] Well, not really.

[506] I started at a different place.

[507] I bought a different place and there was a problem with the building.

[508] So I had to get another building.

[509] But I just hear from everybody, like, that it is just number one.

[510] Like, it's just the greatest club you could play.

[511] And that's why I'm excited.

[512] Can I even say I'm just doing the show?

[513] Yeah.

[514] You know, I want people to know I'm not even, I don't want any money for it.

[515] I just want it.

[516] You have been, you know, you've just been great about me. Like I see all the episodes like with Tarantino, with any comic that comes.

[517] I could even see the comics get aggravated because they want to talk about their own career.

[518] And I'm not going to say names, but I see them, you know.

[519] And you're going, no, but when.

[520] It was a fucking explosion.

[521] He goes, yeah, and you'll say it.

[522] You'll go, a lot of the comics today, they do arenas, but if Dice didn't do it, we wouldn't be doing it.

[523] And it was an explosion.

[524] And that's why I even gave him that clip of The Garden, which was filmed for a movie.

[525] And, but yeah, coming up, you know, at the store with, I'm going to...

[526] Well, what was great for us was, that you still came around.

[527] That, for us, for us, for guys, but for guys like me who were just coming up, who barely headline on the road, to be hanging out with you, that you would come and hang out with us.

[528] It was amazing.

[529] It was like, Dice is like a normal guy.

[530] But this is, and I can be.

[531] Yeah.

[532] But this is how smart you are.

[533] So I'm filming, this is even before reality became reality, and I never got it out there.

[534] So there's all these new comics at the store.

[535] Ari, you know, Bob.

[536] Bobby Lee, uh, uh, uh, uh, Maz Jibrani, Steve Renazizi, all these new comics that would, you know, like I'm holding court, you know, because they can't, they can't believe them over there.

[537] So I've been filming myself since I made it.

[538] All right.

[539] So I'm filming at the store every night, calling it the show.

[540] Like, I'd be kicking waitresses out of the kitchen.

[541] I changed the lighting in the kitchen.

[542] I put like red and blue bulbs so the lighting wasn't harsh.

[543] you know and a waitress could be in there getting an order you know and I go uh you're in my shot you got to leave the kitchen and it's amazing how I just filmed and filmed and filmed and one night you're looking and you got this puzzled look and I'm like in it you know and you come over to me and go guys can I just ask you something um what what's with the camera I see you every night filming like I'm in it like I'm being my own Tarantino right and I go no I film everything I've always filmed everything and I don't know it couldn't have been more than a few weeks you had a guy with you see that's why you've made it in the business because you took it and go yeah why shouldn't I film what I'm doing in my life we definitely decided to film some you but you were doing like sketches yeah but no I called it the show it was a natural reality show and I used to love like even poorly would come in and go dude what are you filming I go the show he goes what show dude I go it's my show it's a reality show with all the guys hysterical I put clips up on my on my phone all the time what like what possesses you to do these videos where you just like walk up to people okay are we going to show them now yeah let's show some of these videos because they're insane don't show it don't show it there's a reason okay okay it's the same thing that possessed you to do those videos back no obviously this is different okay obviously you loved the day of the laugh to die yes okay now I can't let you keep this but I could let you wear it for a little because you while wearing that this is the hat I wore and there's even pictures I sent traps last night I can wear it is that what you're saying yeah I want I want to wear a little because this is the hat I wore and he's got pictures of me on stage of danger fields oh no recording it there we are okay that's a nice hat you know come on what you think bro this hat smells terrible what are you talking about it smells like cabbage no but i know you like it so i want you to wear it wait a minute that's one of the hats okay because there were two hats i did three nights take a sniff of that hat for real really yeah yeah yeah All right.

[544] You don't have to wear it.

[545] If you want to take a picture in it, you'll take a picture.

[546] Okay.

[547] You know what I mean?

[548] Cabbage.

[549] You know.

[550] It's awful.

[551] So anyway, I do, you know, at the height of doing arenas.

[552] Because honestly, you know, I almost laugh at it today because when I would go on sale, we'd put 20 shows on sale.

[553] Let's say it's we go on sale Friday morning, 10 o 'clock.

[554] Monday, tickets are gone.

[555] Okay?

[556] Half a million tickets, gone.

[557] And then I go do the tours.

[558] But what I liked, like you said, how I like to hang at the store, even after I did the L .A. Forum, okay?

[559] Now, at the forum, you had, you know, number one, at the end of my shows, this is the stuff people never really realize unless they've come to a Dice concert.

[560] The last 20 minutes to a half hour is all music, you know.

[561] And I'm not, I would do, I would do from Luther Vandros, Love One, let me wait.

[562] And you would think that's what I came there to see because I didn't send the clip of that, but the audience would explode when I would get to the bridge of the song.

[563] And, but I would do the Elvis stuff, you know, but I'd really do it.

[564] I think I sent them Elvis.

[565] We don't get to hear it.

[566] Yeah, but you have a moment.

[567] Oh.

[568] That's all right, Mom, just any way you do, that's all right.

[569] That's all right.

[570] That's all right.

[571] That's you?

[572] Of course.

[573] That's amazing.

[574] That's a pretty fucking good office impression.

[575] No, but the thing is...

[576] That's a pretty fucking solid impression.

[577] No, but that's what I'm saying.

[578] See, nobody, when I would be...

[579] When they would write me up back then, you know, every journalist was after my ass.

[580] They would never write about this stuff.

[581] When I would do...

[582] I would do the full -on grease lightning.

[583] I had an eight -piece band.

[584] But when I did, and I would also close with a giant drum solo to the Santana song, Soul Sacrifice.

[585] And when I did the forum, besides my band, which were all Brooklyn guys, who's on stage with me doing Elvis and the Soul Sacrifice, Duff McCagan from Guns and Roses and Slash?

[586] They came to rehearse.

[587] We did it.

[588] People went berserk.

[589] They're in my dressing room.

[590] with Slice Stallone, with Cher.

[591] I think we got picked.

[592] Is that a drum on?

[593] It's high dramatic.

[594] Why do it's lightning?

[595] You got to see the dance.

[596] Did you like doing this more than the stand -up?

[597] 100%.

[598] Really?

[599] You can kind of tell.

[600] Because I get to entertain.

[601] So you're upset that they never brought this stuff up.

[602] They would never write it up.

[603] You know, they just made like it was an hour of just foul language and that was it.

[604] And my father used to get crazy from it because he's the one, he was behind me from day one.

[605] You know, and he had, my father went from having a toy store to being a big builder.

[606] like in Staten Island he was the first builder to go into Staten Island and build like the newer homes and we lived there from the I was 7 until I was 12 and we basically got chased out of it well he got chased out of there you know he knew he had a leave because he wasn't a gangster so and the gangsters were taken over Staten Island they would just they would build houses across the freeway there was no zoning laws so we went to Florida for like six months and then back to Brooklyn you know from 13 to 21 and then I was out in L .A. doing the Travolta Act.

[607] That's how it started me doing Travolta, which I gave you pictures, even me holding up how closely we looked the same.

[608] You know, it was a whole Travolta Act.

[609] And even the way that started, you know, was, you know, I was always able to do.

[610] That's pretty close.

[611] Wait, show the other one where I'm greased up.

[612] Is there another one?

[613] Yeah, that's my, I'm doing my first interview.

[614] So I'm working for my father on Court Street now.

[615] He has a process serving agency.

[616] And that's how I would walk around.

[617] Because once I got into it, I became it.

[618] So I'm picking up summonses from attorneys walking in as that guy.

[619] And I'm doing Travolta.

[620] I'm going, yeah, you have some summonses for, royal process serving you know you know i'm doing viny barbottor listen to this you're going to die swear you're going to crack up right this was when that was on the air this is no yes yes and this is if the fever hit the way i got can i take these off yeah so the way i got into it so since i was in high school when travolta hit with barboreno i realized i could do like the perfect barboreno but what am i going to do with it other than entertaining high school kids now he comes out with fever and he dances great but the night i saw grease was the night my life changed and there was no videos back then you understand so i'm coming home and i'm like if i could turn from an impression i'm doing since i'm a kid seven years old jerry lewis the nutty professor who would turn into buddy love But if I could turn into Travolta from Professor Kelp, it would just kill as an act.

[621] Only, I never do anything fake, so I had to be able to sing as Travolta doing Grease Lightning, as you saw live.

[622] So I go to a studio in Brooklyn because that's what I would do.

[623] I would drum, sing.

[624] So I knew about where bands would go to record albums.

[625] So I went to a studio on King's Highway in Brooklyn called Fly Studios, and I bring the fever album, and I bring Greece.

[626] And I ask these guys, can you get the lead vocal out of grease lightning?

[627] Because I'm not going to do it fake.

[628] If I can't sound like him, I'm not doing the act.

[629] They got it out.

[630] I rehearsed for three weeks doing this act, that these two guys, and I know it sounds like one of my old jokes.

[631] What are your names?

[632] Neil and Bob.

[633] Was that like what you'd do?

[634] You know, that was a heckle line.

[635] But the guys that owned the studios' names were Neil and Bob.

[636] Okay.

[637] So these guys are watching me. You know, I'm in the part where you could record, and they're working, you know, the whole, you know, the board.

[638] And I come out of the bathroom looking like Jerry Lewis, the nutty professor, talking to the mirror.

[639] Actually, I'm a pity.

[640] you ladies and I have my magic formula and I'd take the formula and I'd say okay hit the music there was an intro and I'd be in the dark rip off the Jerry Lewis stuff and now I'm Travolta from Greece and I did that act at Pips in Brooklyn which I think you got a picture of the owner with Rodney Dangerfield outside the club so I go to Pips on a night and I come up as Jerry Lewis.

[641] I got my whole family there, my mother, my father, my sister.

[642] And because I'm telling, don't forget, come to Pips.

[643] But what was amazing when I put the act together, I had to sit in the theater all day and watch Greece with a pad like this and write down names for the moves Travolta was doing.

[644] Or else I'd forget when I would rehearse the act that you were seeing that the guy in the middle his name is george shultz you know and pips was the first real comedy club in america really and it spawned rodney what year was that uh i don't know what year they opened i think he opened in the 60s and he george himself should have been a comic he just wasn't okay but he gave rodney the line i don't get no respect at least yeah and he helped different guy David Brenner every time he was going to do 62 holy shit yeah and 62 it was a sushi place mombo sushi look at and he turned it into Pips David Brenner anytime Brenner was going to do the Carson show George would help him with his set so when the business wasn't doing well Brenner would give them all kinds of money to survive and the two sons ran the club So I show up there, my parents are there.

[645] Now, picture your parents.

[646] Now, your own parents watching Joe go on stage doing an impression.

[647] He was doing it five.

[648] Going, really, this is why we're here?

[649] And I'm on stage.

[650] I'm still 20 years old doing the Jerry Lewis actually ladies.

[651] And it's a Brooklyn crowd.

[652] Just booing the fuck.

[653] Get the fuck off.

[654] You fucking see.

[655] suck and I'm just committed.

[656] I go, I have put together a formula.

[657] Look, okay.

[658] I take the formula.

[659] Seth Schultz -new, shut the lights.

[660] I turn my back to the crowd.

[661] They're screaming.

[662] You got 100 people, 99 people, screaming to get out of the, off the stage.

[663] I'm slicking my hair back.

[664] I'm staying calm.

[665] Music starts.

[666] From FIVA, ladies and gentlemen, to disco inferno.

[667] Ladies and gentlemen, somebody new, somebody exciting.

[668] And at that, ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Clay, and I turn around with that, that when you saw me in the leather jacket, that look, and I just pose, and I start like a fake walk like Travolta and Fever.

[669] And they're starting to scream.

[670] Now it's turning.

[671] I wait, because I always wait.

[672] even to this day when I'm on stage I just wait and so I wait till it quiet's down I come up to the mic and I'm like so you thought it couldn't be done right the place went nuts now I talk about the car here comes grease lightning when I did grease lightning you're talking about Brooklyn animals and I know you know about that stuff because you're from Boston and you know what kind of our East Coast people.

[673] They were throwing tables over.

[674] They're going fucking berserk.

[675] I don't even know what just happened.

[676] And as I'm leaving with my family, here come the two sons going, wait a minute, where are you going?

[677] You know, who are you?

[678] Like, what is that?

[679] You know, they go, you got a manager, you know, and I just look at my father and I go, yeah, he's right here.

[680] And my family is stunned from what they just witnessed.

[681] And they go, um, we want to book your son to headline this coming weekend, you know.

[682] What?

[683] And I go, first time on stage?

[684] First time on stage.

[685] And, and I said, what you saw tonight, that's, that's the whole act.

[686] They go, just do what you did tonight.

[687] Just do that.

[688] And they go, it's not a lot of money.

[689] It's $50.

[690] I go, you think I care about, we don't care about the money.

[691] Like, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

[692] And then we went to a diner in Sheepshead Bay, and nobody could even talk for like 10 minutes.

[693] And then my mother's like, Andrew, when did you think of this?

[694] You know, it was so great.

[695] And then everybody starts talking about what just happened.

[696] I was shell -shocked.

[697] Because I'm not thinking they're going to go nuts.

[698] I thought it was a clever idea, you know.

[699] And it built from there.

[700] And within six months, I'm doing my own shows where my father's selling tickets at Dangerfields.

[701] What year was this?

[702] This is 1978.

[703] The first time on stage was September 13th, 78.

[704] So you really hit about like eight years later, 10 years?

[705] February 13th, 88, Rodney Special.

[706] Oh.

[707] When did your cassette come out then?

[708] Well, Rick Rubin met me. The first.

[709] When was like the first one?

[710] No, you're talking about the Black album.

[711] Yes, yes, yes.

[712] That came out right about the same time the Rodney special ad.

[713] Okay?

[714] Okay.

[715] See, I was at the Laugh Factory when it was just an 80 -seat room before he opened up.

[716] Okay, I must have been 21 then.

[717] I thought it was 19.

[718] I got a screwed up memory.

[719] Okay.

[720] That makes sense, actually.

[721] Now, I think about the girl.

[722] Between sets, I went over to Greenblatt's to get a cup of coffee, and I'm with this screenplay writer.

[723] His name was Mark.

[724] I forgot his last name, actually.

[725] Sorry, Mark.

[726] Anyway, we're getting coffee, and here comes this guy.

[727] You know Rick Rubin with the beard, the whole lot.

[728] And he's with this little, like, heavyset guy.

[729] Oh, man, here comes some asshole, you know.

[730] And he goes, yeah, can I, can I, you know, he's soft -spoken.

[731] Can I speak with you a minute?

[732] And I do.

[733] have a Brooklyn attitude.

[734] I'll admit it.

[735] You know, and I go, yeah, well, yeah, what can I do for you, pal?

[736] I've got to do another show, you know.

[737] And then the guy Mark that's with me goes, aren't you, Rick Rubin?

[738] And I'm looking at him.

[739] I'm going, who's Rick?

[740] He goes, he basically created rap.

[741] And Rick goes, yeah, I want to do an album with you.

[742] And I don't want to bother you.

[743] I'm going to go next door much the second show.

[744] You know, because I had to do another show.

[745] And that's how me and Rick met, and we wound up doing five albums together you know and we were a great team together I mean you know he's Rick Rubin and I mean sometimes we would disagree but you can't get Rick mad he's an interesting cat well very different human being right oh it's you know I said to Rick one time you know when dice rules that where I do grease lightning that was Dice Rules, the album, okay, besides the movie.

[746] And I go, did they, I was at Westwood One radio, something like that.

[747] And on the way back, you know, I say to Rick, I go, did they put up all the posters like you said they were going to do?

[748] You know, and he goes, I suppose.

[749] And I'm looking at it.

[750] I go, you're the boss.

[751] Don't you know?

[752] Well, I told them to be.

[753] put it up.

[754] Yeah, like you can't get, even if he didn't like something on an album and, you know, I could get heated, you know, I'm that kind of personality.

[755] I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

[756] It's not your fucking album.

[757] Well, then I suppose you'll do what you like.

[758] I'm like, don't you ever get mad?

[759] Didn't you ever have a fight?

[760] And he goes, actually, I never had a fight.

[761] I go, you never got a punch in the face.

[762] He goes, no, I go, well, you're about to if you don't just get mad at me at least, like, yell at me. But great guy, and we had great experience.

[763] So when it came to the day the laughter died, so me and Rick put out hit albums, and this is right, like I think after dice rules, these are high -powered comedy albums to sell millions of copies.

[764] So this you'll like, Mitzie's involved in it.

[765] This is great.

[766] Me and Rick are talking, and I go, you know, you know how much I love going on late at night and just, you know, no reaction.

[767] Because that's how my career got made, I was always like one of the last few acts at night at the comedy store.

[768] You know, course of the kind of stuff I did.

[769] So there's, you know, people are sitting quiet.

[770] You got a drunk in the front with his head on the table.

[771] And you've got four people that are just too tired to leave.

[772] You've had those sex.

[773] Oh, yeah.

[774] you know and I go I want to do like the ultimate late night set you know and he sort of had the same thought process like we just go unsuspecting crowd you know and this is like you would say at the height of doing the arenas you know craziness surrounded me at that time it was like the lady Gaga of stand up comedy you know and now I just want go up in front of a few people with no notes with no idea of what the album's going to be and we we do three nights at danger fields and it winds up the double CD the day the laughter died okay and I'm just loving it you know the silence the smoke you could hear me smoke you know people walking out you know and we didn't cut any of it you know Like I said, keep it in there.

[775] You know, it's great, you know.

[776] I really got angry, you know, at this family that came in.

[777] See, this will lead to, it could set me up for Saturday Night Live to tell you stuff.

[778] But so that this family comes in, these real fucking out of town is from, I don't know, Midwest, Bible, belt, you know, whatever they were.

[779] But they were wearing the same coat and the same hat.

[780] with the ball on top.

[781] Two daughters, mother father.

[782] And they're sitting in the front and the more I got into them, the more the father laughed.

[783] And I got angry at that because I'm going, this guy, I would imagine in my mind that this guy really looks to fuck around with his daughters.

[784] They were old enough, you know.

[785] They were like, I don't remember the ages.

[786] But I don't know, young 20s, late teens.

[787] And I'm going, why is this?

[788] motherfucker laughing when I'm doing this instead of going like cut it out because I know if I was sitting there with my two daughters and some comic some asshole on stage is going so you like to have her on your lap or whatever I said on the album you know I look at the guy I go walk away from me and my family or there's a problem you know that's how I would get this guy's laughing and I'm angry about it you know so the more he would laugh the more I would go after this motherfucker, but there's also no laughs.

[789] That's the part I did enjoy.

[790] The actual silence of the room or somebody walking out and yelling.

[791] What's that, there's a famous one line on that way.

[792] You're about as funny as a glass of milk.

[793] You know the album better than me, which is ridiculous.

[794] Why would you know?

[795] That's it.

[796] I love that album.

[797] Let me tell you how I found out about that album.

[798] There's a great comic in Boston named Mike Dunaven.

[799] Mike Donovan got the album I know that name He's a very funny comic Very good guy And he was a great guy When I was an open micer Would give you real good advice He was the first guy to tell me He'd take a tape recorder on stage He goes sometimes you say things You forgot what you said Like sometimes you said it in a different way And it's much better You got to listen to your recordings Mike Donovan got a hold of your CD And he was in the back room Of the fucking comedy connection Howling laughing at you doing nix i'll do nixit in that ass and that to him was like one of the funniest fucking things this guy was he was laughing so hard he was like he's a fucking psycho he's out there bombing he doesn't give a fuck there's no laughs and it's hilarious it's so ridiculous this guy loved it and i went out and got it and i remember you know at the time i was real young in comedy and like for me the idea of wanting this out there didn't even make any sense.

[800] Like, why would he do this?

[801] You don't know how much that means to me. See, that's what I look like to hear.

[802] It was amazing to me because people try to pigeonhole you as this one -dimensional thing.

[803] And that is that you're missing the beauty of what he does.

[804] I always tell people this.

[805] I go from the, first of all, he's the first guy ever in stand -up that people knew.

[806] knew the jokes and wanted to say the punchline along with him.

[807] It became a different thing.

[808] I go, you have to understand.

[809] He cracked a code.

[810] This rhyme thing, what you did was it was comedy plus.

[811] Like, it was another level of enjoyment.

[812] And to this day, if I don't close my shows with the poems, the audience complaints.

[813] I think you have to.

[814] But it was a different thing.

[815] And then the fact that in the height of your stardom, you chose to do the day the laughter died.

[816] I'm like, do you not understand what he's doing?

[817] This is beautiful performance art. Also, to me, it's a, like you said, it's an acting piece.

[818] Yes.

[819] It was always about the acting.

[820] I got to see you do a fucking, who knows how many sets.

[821] Late at night, unannounced, you would just show up and start insulting.

[822] people in the audience.

[823] You would choose a person you would tell them not to laugh.

[824] You would call it.

[825] I remember what you.

[826] You would call it Dice Mean.

[827] Yeah, Dice Oh no, it's Dice Mean.

[828] But let me tell you what the backlash of the day the laughter died.

[829] So the first one, all right, so Sandy Gallen was the manager.

[830] Yes.

[831] David Geffen put out the albums.

[832] Rick produced him and Barry Diller ran Fox Studios.

[833] That's where I had my movie deal.

[834] Yeah.

[835] So I get called into David Giffin's.

[836] office and he goes you know and I'm with Rick and he's like okay can you explain this to me you know and I go what needs to be said he goes there's no people there's you know there's there's nothing it's terrible you know you know and I go yeah and Rick is laughing because Rick does have a great sense of humor you know Rick loved it oh he loved it he loves chaos he loves so I go No, but do you understand it's never been?

[837] And I'm the first.

[838] I go, that's what I like being.

[839] Like, that's why I do brag about being the first arena comic.

[840] You know, like, you know, when I think back to my idols, like Elvis Presley, you know, now everybody's into Elvis all these years later, you know, and Elvis fans from way back are always Elvis fans.

[841] But when I saw the 68 comeback special at 12, once again, I'm there with my mother going, I can be that.

[842] Now, I wasn't thinking singer or comic, just the whole image, you know.

[843] And as I grew up, she bought me a leather the next day, a fake leather that was five times too big at J .C. Penny for $20, you know, because I begged her for it.

[844] But she would encourage, you know, so now I'm on the couch doing Elvis, not even knowing how to play the guitar I had.

[845] You know, so his image was so bigger than life.

[846] It took it in a lot different than other people because in comedy, because of the drums and the singing, I go, just become the Elvis of comedy.

[847] Comedy is self -deprecating, which in today, at 65 years old, I am self -deprecating on stage and I got a lot to be self -deprecating about.

[848] But when I was 25, 30 years old, there was no self -deprecation.

[849] You know, that was the difference between dice and the other comics.

[850] And Mitzi herself told me, when I stopped doing the Travolta act and started doing dice, she said, it's never going to work.

[851] And I go, yeah, why's that?

[852] And she goes, number one, it's too tough and it's not self -deprecating.

[853] I go, just leave me at the Westwood Comedy Store.

[854] Let me worry about it.

[855] And Mitchie loved me from the first day she met me. When I came down, what I called the runway walk, from Westwood, she called.

[856] I wanted, I auditioned at the store, did a 28 -minute audition, and this MC starts screaming at me when I come off the stage.

[857] I didn't know who he was, and he goes, you're never going to play this fucking club again?

[858] I go, are you the owner?

[859] Because I'm 21.

[860] So I'm a I'm a 21 -year -old Brooklynite who doesn't give a, if you're in my way, I'm going to get you out of my way.

[861] So I said, are you the owner of the club?

[862] And he goes, no, I go, well, I didn't come 3 ,000 miles to do three minutes.

[863] So get out of my way.

[864] I get a call from the comedy store.

[865] I was staying with a friend.

[866] You're playing Westwood tonight.

[867] You're going to come sign papers at the comedy store.

[868] So I go to Westwood.

[869] There was a lady that from Brooklyn, Adele, after my set, she goes, Mitzie wants to meet you.

[870] So this is, I got signed as a regular first night.

[871] Okay.

[872] Because I did that whole Travolta act.

[873] And by then, Stallone, I'm doing sly as Rocky in it.

[874] And And so I come to the store and she's standing with August and Ollie Joel and Alan Stevens, who I'm great friends with today.

[875] And, you know, just all Bith Maynard.

[876] I don't even think you met some of these guys by the time, you know.

[877] I've met Alan.

[878] Okay.

[879] Well, Alan's around.

[880] Alan's great, you know.

[881] He was always around back then.

[882] I love Alan.

[883] And he's one of my best friends, actually.

[884] He worked on Roseanne's show, too, right?

[885] Yeah, he produced Roseanne.

[886] He produced Allis.

[887] You know, he's got a heavy friend.

[888] history.

[889] He was out with Kenneson and the Outlaws.

[890] He did all that.

[891] You know, great comic, you know, on top of great producer and writer.

[892] So, Mitzie's with all these guys.

[893] You know, I didn't know, I'm in comedy for, I don't know, eight months.

[894] I started September 13th, 78.

[895] I'm in L .A. February of 79.

[896] Why?

[897] Because this one comic, who you knew, Mitchell Walters, came back to Brooklyn.

[898] That's where he was from.

[899] And he happened to come in on a weekend.

[900] I was headlining.

[901] And he's asking, who the fuck is this guy doing the Travolta?

[902] And the owners told him.

[903] So he talks to my father.

[904] He keeps calling my father in the office, who I was working for, you know, because there was no job I could have.

[905] I was at clubs every night.

[906] From the first night I got on stage, that was it.

[907] I'm performing.

[908] every night, everywhere.

[909] And I just dedicated my life to it.

[910] And that's what it takes, as you know.

[911] You know, I love when Pitbull says, how did I get lucky?

[912] Hard work got me lucky.

[913] That's all it's about.

[914] Hard work and belief and knowing what you have inside to give.

[915] Do you think it was like weird friction because, like, there's some guys that think that comedy has to come from the same group of people.

[916] Like, it has to come from.

[917] from neurotic, self -deprecating.

[918] Like, it has to come from these sort of nerds or, like, bullied by society, and they're funny on stage.

[919] And they can tell you what the fuck's going on.

[920] When a guy who comes along like you, who's very confident, you're a big guy, you didn't come from a theater background, and you have this new approach to it.

[921] And even Mitzie missed it.

[922] Like, sometimes people...

[923] Well, at that point, she missed it.

[924] Yeah, but, like, there's people that do things, and you're like, man, I don't know.

[925] Because when you...

[926] But you've got to give it...

[927] Try to explain Harlan Williams to someone.

[928] Try to explain Harlan.

[929] It's impossible.

[930] I get it.

[931] He's fucking hilarious.

[932] But it's so strange.

[933] Like his style is so strange.

[934] But coming out of him with his personality and the way he says things...

[935] It's hilarious.

[936] It's really fun.

[937] If you get a chance to see Harlan...

[938] Harlan Williams is the fucking man. I mean, I mean, but the people out there listening.

[939] Go see that guy.

[940] He's amazing.

[941] But he had to become that guy to figure that out.

[942] Yeah, see, and I, you know, some people go through their whole life never knowing who they are.

[943] They're not comfortable in their, like Eleanor would say, not comfortable in their own skin.

[944] Right.

[945] You know, I always know who I was.

[946] Now, you know, when people say to me, you know, who's dice, who's Andrew, who's that, I'm all of it.

[947] you know but you know i'm not walking around in the street going yeah you know when you see those videos i go yeah how you doing that's a put on that's a joke if i'm really going to say hello to a girl which i haven't in four years obviously you know i'm going to go yeah how you doing right not how you doing because any girl in her right mind is going to go get the fuck away from me and if they don't if they don't it's a real problem you know so so and i do and i do want to get into the videos, but just let me finish the day to laugh, the diet thing.

[948] So when David Geffen says to me, see, what I always prided myself on, because I became, even though I wanted the acting career, I had two careers going now.

[949] I was building as a comic.

[950] Actually, Dallas was the first place I headlined as a comic in the mid -80s at a place called the, I forgot the name of the place, don't even fucking matter.

[951] It was a club.

[952] You'd do two weeks at a clip.

[953] And I just started headlining, you know, by the time I was, I don't know, 24, 25.

[954] And the thing was, yeah, Mitzie didn't understand it at that point because she knew comics with, think of old time, think of, think of what the fuck his face.

[955] Homely is a plate full of assholes.

[956] What was his name?

[957] No, not Don Rickles, who also wasn't a gorgeous.

[958] guy but my favorite of all time he came from that time he collect night gates um hack it buddy hack it think a buddy's fucking face yeah you think that guy's going to be confident right he knows what he looks like so he's going to be self -deprecating and that's how comics would get laid back there you know in those times they weren't good looking people today you got better looking people but Lenny Bruce is a good -looking guy.

[959] Yeah, which his mother said to me that was a big compliment because I'm with Mitzie and Mitzie would say to Sally because I used to sit with Sally at Schwabbs you know and she'd always go, oh you're handsome like my Lenny.

[960] It was a compliment because I knew he was a nice looking guy and Mitzie would say to Sally she'd go, he's a movie star he's not even a comic, you know she never had that.

[961] All those comics back then, just look at them.

[962] Look at the pictures on the wall.

[963] at the comedy store and you'll know but just to get back to the day the laughter died because people are listening um so geffen tells me why why does this have to be why can't we just trash this and i go because it's never been done every comic gets recorded they do their very very best to kill i did my best to bomb you know i just wanted to see what i could come up with in front of a couple people.

[964] He goes, but why a double album?

[965] Why can't it just be a...

[966] I go, same reason.

[967] Never done.

[968] Okay?

[969] And Mitchie, by the way, would come to the arenas with me when I did the forum, I'd pick her up in the limo.

[970] She'd fly to New York.

[971] She was at the Garden.

[972] She was at the Meadowlands.

[973] Which sold out, at that time, Meadowlands, biggest arena ever, 21 ,500, sold out in 40 minutes.

[974] Wow.

[975] That my agent, Dennis Offer at that time, who the only other comic he's ever handled was Rodney.

[976] And I've been with him and Pete Papalado for 35 years, okay, my whole career.

[977] And when Dennis saw me do the Rodney special, he came over to me. He goes, I've seen every comic.

[978] I come to every one of Rodney specials.

[979] I never wanted any of them.

[980] I want you.

[981] And I've been with him all this time.

[982] And so I'll tell you the rise to the arenas.

[983] But so Mitzie comes over my house.

[984] I'm just trying to keep my place here for you.

[985] After the David Geffen experience, okay?

[986] And she goes, I want to hear this album.

[987] I'm hearing things about it, you know, and it's not out yet, you know.

[988] So I put on a CD and she's listening, you know, Mitzie.

[989] She's always truthful, you know, tells you how she thinks.

[990] And she goes, Andrew, what is this?

[991] I go, and I want to laugh in a face, but I got to keep a stir.

[992] I go, it's my new album.

[993] What do you think?

[994] She goes, it's going to ruin your career.

[995] I go, this?

[996] I don't think so.

[997] Just like you told me about dice would never work.

[998] You know, it's not going to ruin the career.

[999] I go, don't want, she goes, I don't want to see your career.

[1000] You work so hard to get to, I go, don't worry about it.

[1001] Bottom line, album comes out four days.

[1002] gold.

[1003] I don't even know how many platyms it is to this day.

[1004] It's the biggest selling comedy album ever as far as I know.

[1005] Okay?

[1006] The biggest comedy.

[1007] And for comics, it's like a Bible for some fucking reason.

[1008] See, I don't see what you see.

[1009] I just know I like being a guy that did things first.

[1010] See, that's what I loved about Elvis.

[1011] When Elvis came along, there was nobody for him to talk to to go, how do I handle being Elvis?

[1012] Yeah, but you understand, like, just the ability to put out something of you bombing in the height of your stardom, do you know how nuts that is?

[1013] Like, it's really hilarious.

[1014] I know you just did it because you wanted to be first, but it's just what you're doing is so crazy.

[1015] So different.

[1016] Yeah.

[1017] So different.

[1018] Yeah, I could go into a club or an arena.

[1019] I think if the Internet was around back then, people would have understood it.

[1020] They would have gotten into it.

[1021] I think back then it was so hard because all you had was like MTV or VH1.

[1022] And think of that.

[1023] The narratives were weird.

[1024] Think of the fact that you don't have internet and in less than a week it's a half a million sold.

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] It was selling faster than like M &M albums when he came out.

[1027] So, you know, so, you know, I got so much to tell you, there was something I was going to bring up because of the day to last.

[1028] it's when you have nothing to compare yourself to other than other first see I grew up like I said I didn't care about comedy it was all about acting okay other than my drums and the singing stuff the musical stuff when I came into comedy I said I'll become like like a movie star you know that was my confidence and getting on a comedy stage would help me obviously and then there was a lot of backlash like we say you know, the first to be canceled type of thing once I took off.

[1029] But you see, before I made it, you know, I was working with my first movie, George Kennedy, it was called Wacko, Stella Stevens, who starred with Jerry Lewis and the Nutty Professor, and Joe Don Baker, who did Walking Tall, this stupid movie called Wacko, but I couldn't believe the people I'm getting to work with.

[1030] like I'd call home and talk to my parents and my sister and go, you know, it's Joe Don Baker, walking tall and George Kent.

[1031] Cool hand Luke, you know.

[1032] So it was all about the acting.

[1033] Then I did a movie Private Resort, Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow.

[1034] Now, Johnny, we know where his career went.

[1035] Rob has a more low -key career, but he's a big star.

[1036] He's in billions.

[1037] He did his own show, Northern Exposure.

[1038] And the producer would say it was a little.

[1039] little beach movie in Florida we did he goes the three of you were going to be huge stars he just knew this israeli producer then it was um uh pretty and pink molly ringwald you know john crier that that john euse took one scene i did and split it into two that's how much he loved me to show me twice in the movie um making the grade judd nelson i was almost like auxiliary brat pack that they would use me in their movies and then i did casual sex for ivan rightman and his wife directed jean vyev and i played divin man now you remember judy toll who passed away okay she writes are you crying dice you know what that's my weakness she was great what's your weakness My own sensitivity.

[1040] That's not a weakness.

[1041] That's not a weakness.

[1042] Sometimes I think.

[1043] No, no, no. I'm just trying to tell your story, and I'm crying.

[1044] No, I like the fact that you're crying.

[1045] I like the fact that people get to know who you are.

[1046] I've seen you cry, too.

[1047] I cry, man. I don't think there's anything wrong with crying.

[1048] I'm an emotional person.

[1049] She was a great girl.

[1050] Came out to L .A. With Tom Wilson was her boyfriend, who wound up his Biff and Back to the Future.

[1051] And she wrote...

[1052] He was a comic, too, right?

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] Yeah, lived with me for six years.

[1055] And she wrote casual sex, and instead of calling it the dice, man, she called it the VIN man, and I played the part.

[1056] And they screen the movies for test audiences.

[1057] And I was there with one of my wives at the time.

[1058] And so after the screening, Ivan calls me over with the head of Universal and his wife.

[1059] and he goes, would you come back Christmas time?

[1060] And I go, for why?

[1061] He goes, we're going to rewrite the last 20 minutes to a half hour to make you the star of the movie.

[1062] That's how much the audience loved you.

[1063] You know, so I'm like, yeah, I'll come back.

[1064] And I couldn't believe it.

[1065] You know, like they changed him from like the attitude of dice to all of a sudden he's, you know, the other side, the soft, the guy that cried.

[1066] side.

[1067] And I wind up with Leah Thompson in the movie.

[1068] That's the end of the movie.

[1069] And they rewrote the whole thing to make me the star of the movie.

[1070] And they're like, you're going to be a big star.

[1071] And then I was working on Michael Mann's crime story, which spawned everybody.

[1072] Dennis Farina, Michael Madsen, David Caruso.

[1073] Kevin Spacey, all these great actors that just blew up from Crime Story, which was the show Michael Mann did after he was done with Miami Vice.

[1074] And so crime story really became, a few years later, Scorsese's Casino.

[1075] So if you could think of Casino, I played in Crime Story the Robert De Niro part, the guy that ran the casino and took.

[1076] Tony Denison played the Pesci part in the series.

[1077] Now, the series was going to be canceled.

[1078] It wasn't the days of HBO, like you put the Sopranos on in it last 10 years.

[1079] You know, it was a network show.

[1080] I forgot if it was ABC or NBC.

[1081] But it was an expensive show to shoot.

[1082] So Michael Mann directed one of the only episodes that I had a giant part in.

[1083] Now, if you think a casino, Joe Pesci bangs Sharon Stone, okay?

[1084] And then they wind up blowing up De Niro out of the car.

[1085] In the series' crime story, I get blown up out of the car because Tony Denison is banging my wife in the show.

[1086] All right.

[1087] So it's the same story.

[1088] It's the same story.

[1089] It's a real story about those gangsters from the Midwest from Chicago.

[1090] And only in the movie, they don't do the cops that were after.

[1091] them, the major crime unit that was after him, which Dennis Farina was really the real cop, you know, and he became an actor.

[1092] See, Michael Mann loves guys that really were jewel thieves or real criminals, but Dennis Farina became a gigantic actor.

[1093] And I loved the guy.

[1094] He was amazing.

[1095] And so anyway, we're shooting the episode where I got blown up out of the car, and we're in Vegas.

[1096] And they have me in a cast from my way.

[1097] stop and i had just filmed the rodney dangerfield special okay and michael man's talking about that the show's going to get canceled and i said listen i need to talk to you you know you can't cancel the show and he goes he goes all right when we when we take at lunch me and you will go have coffee and you know the pepper mill in Vegas on the strip so he's puts me in his trans am and the strip wasn't like it is today you could cut through the desert that was a third of the hotels like you see today so he cuts through and I'm wobbling in the car because I'm in this fucking cast so now we're in the pepper mill and I'm smoking you know my arms up the whole thing and he goes all right so what do you need to talk to me about now Michael man at that time is probably 45 47 years old I'm like 29 I'm like 29 I'm like the youngest guy in the cast.

[1098] And I said, you can't cancel crime story.

[1099] He goes, you don't understand.

[1100] It's a great show, but it's a very expensive show.

[1101] And nobody has really blown up from the show.

[1102] So I'm looking at a guy with a straight face.

[1103] So only I'm in a cast.

[1104] Blowing smoke out of the cast, I go, I go, give me about three, four months, and I'll be like the biggest star on the planet.

[1105] he's going What are you talking about Like now he's like a little pissed off I go I just filmed This Rodney Dangerfield HBO young comedian show And when it is I'm going to be the biggest comic in the world That the world's ever seen He goes bigger than Pryor I go way bigger Bigger than anybody You know Bigger than Eddie Murphy I go yeah of course I go Eddie does you know Eddie, Eddie, at his peak, was doing 7 ,000 seats, which was unheard of when he would do it.

[1106] But I know where I'm going.

[1107] I have a plan.

[1108] And he goes, look, dice.

[1109] He goes, I love you as an actor.

[1110] And I think you have a big career in acting.

[1111] He goes, and I wish you all the luck with the skit that you're talking about, with the Rodney thing.

[1112] I go, but the show is just too expensive, and we're going to get the pink slip on it.

[1113] I go, I'm telling you, it's a mistake.

[1114] Okay.

[1115] The show gets canceled within a month.

[1116] The show's done, you know.

[1117] And people loved crime stories.

[1118] The people that were fans of crime story, it was like Sopranos fans.

[1119] You know, the Rodney special airs, number one, I took a full -page ad in variety.

[1120] Back then, it was a newspaper, not digital.

[1121] Full page.

[1122] Half the page was my picture.

[1123] I'm sitting on a chair backwards with a real, attitude, and then the right side was a whole poem about how I never studied much in school, but when I turned on the tube, and then I named everybody.

[1124] There was Elvis the King, Buddy Rich with hands like lightning, Travolta made me dance.

[1125] Every big star, Brando made me pout, Dean had us all, all these big stars.

[1126] And at the end, I write Murphy and Praia both great, no doubt, but in 88, it's dice thou shalt.

[1127] I've never studied much in school, but I did study.

[1128] Okay?

[1129] That comes out on a Thursday because I know the industry shuts down Friday.

[1130] Okay, so I wanted everybody to see this.

[1131] Now, obviously, if I was wrong, biggest asshole in the world.

[1132] I'm a joke.

[1133] The show air Saturday night, okay?

[1134] Monday, done.

[1135] Biggest comic there is.

[1136] The gigs just started coming.

[1137] How did Rodney find you?

[1138] Rodney saw me at the comedy store like I showcased for him And how did they set that up Like would Mitzie pick the line out There was a producer Rob Freed All right That worked for O 'Ryan That got him in there somehow And so was this guy at the clubs Watching people?

[1139] No no he was a movie producer So who was the one that picked you guys That's a question I couldn't answer I don't know if it was Mitzie I don't know if it was Babe from New York who ran Dangerfields who actually wanted me. That's such an important spot to get on a young comedian special back then.

[1140] The Roddy Dangerfield specials were...

[1141] Well, that was it.

[1142] It made everybody.

[1143] It was everything.

[1144] Kenison, you, Don Marrera, Bob Nelson, Lenny Clark.

[1145] Jesus Christ.

[1146] Robert Schimel.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] You know.

[1150] That was a shit.

[1151] So, but you say, this is where I'm different than other comics.

[1152] And I love Don Myrera.

[1153] But I'd watch Dom.

[1154] You know, we had months to get ready.

[1155] And I'm just in preparation zone.

[1156] I couldn't give a fuck if there was no one in the room.

[1157] I'm going up.

[1158] I'm rehearsing.

[1159] Because all I wanted to worry about the night of the special, because you're going to be nervous inside, but they can't see it.

[1160] Okay?

[1161] So I'm going to look right and I'm going to play America.

[1162] Had you done any kind of comedy special before that?

[1163] No, no. Nothing.

[1164] Nothing.

[1165] I knew what this could do because when Kennison, Kenison broke in 86, that he got, that Babe at that time was telling Rodney, you got to see this guy dice.

[1166] So I think it was Babe that got me on the showcase in 88.

[1167] Okay.

[1168] And so the only thing I wanted to worry about was playing the room.

[1169] And what I meant by the room is not just Dangerfields, America.

[1170] Like I wanted them to feel me. So the outfit had to be right.

[1171] Everything had to be right.

[1172] So there was no way I'm going to fuck around on stage.

[1173] I don't care if nobody's there.

[1174] It's time to rehearse, you know, from beginning to end.

[1175] So I remember doing the shot.

[1176] You know, I remember leaving the hotel, the Regency Hotel, in full garb, with a belt buckle this big, a Holly Davidson belt.

[1177] I wanted people looking.

[1178] I wanted to feel it.

[1179] I wanted to feel New York.

[1180] because I'm about to change my life.

[1181] It was, I come off, you know, oh, and Barry Sobel, this is great.

[1182] He shows up for rehearsal that day in a motorcycle jacket.

[1183] And he's always in a baseball jacket.

[1184] And I like these guys, but back day in comics didn't have each other's backs.

[1185] It's just the way it was.

[1186] So I go over to Rodney, and I go, Rodney, why is Barry Sobel in a motorcycle jacket?

[1187] So Rodney goes, hey, Barry, come over here, man. Okay, what's with the leather?

[1188] He goes, well, this is what I'm going to wear tonight.

[1189] You go, no, you're not, man. You're going to wear a baseball jacket.

[1190] It goes, no, I'm going to wear this.

[1191] You go, no, you're going to wear baseball jacket.

[1192] You're not doing the show.

[1193] How's that sound?

[1194] Okay, everything cool.

[1195] All right, dice, it's handled.

[1196] It was great, right?

[1197] So he basically wore the same jacket you were wearing?

[1198] He was trying to, you know.

[1199] Do you think he did it on purpose?

[1200] Yeah, 100%.

[1201] You know, back then comics weren't like you.

[1202] nobody had anybody's back today comics help each other with that podcast you know you want to open for me Bobby Lee's out with a great guy now I mean they help each other today back then stab him in the back before he stabs you oh that's just how it was so me I just kept to myself I felt like the Frank Serpico at a comedy store I didn't want to make no friends it's not like that now no it's nothing like that guys are friends today it's a whole different thing out there When do you think that changed?

[1203] What year did that start to change?

[1204] In the early 2000s, when all the new guys started coming out, you know, and starting out.

[1205] It all came out of the store, though.

[1206] You know.

[1207] It came out of the store because guys from New York would come to the store.

[1208] Guys from New York would come to the store, and they'd say that.

[1209] They would say, everyone here is like real friendly.

[1210] They help each other.

[1211] They write tags for each other.

[1212] They're all fucking around together.

[1213] They go, it's a different kind of camaraderie.

[1214] And then we would go to the Mitzie's bar and hang out.

[1215] When you saw me filming at this.

[1216] store it was all the new guys right the show was about all the new guys yeah you know i could hey look i remember bobby lee like i had a lot i had dyes open for me i had bobby lee open for me i had sebastian open for me had a million openers okay that i would look to help see i'm a guy that even when i took off i would look at jim norton one of the best you know he you know if norton was on with me, he'd say, I have a career course of dice.

[1217] Eddie Griffin.

[1218] He does.

[1219] He says that all the time.

[1220] Eddie Griffin.

[1221] I remember I had a William Morris agent.

[1222] Eddie Griffin came over to me at the comedy store, goes, I'm going to open for you one day.

[1223] I don't know who the hell he is.

[1224] I happen to come to the comedy store.

[1225] I'm going on tour the next morning.

[1226] And I see Eddie on stage, who's got nothing other than incredible potential and balls and a couple bits and that's what I loved about him his energy he made them laugh at nothing okay so he comes outside you know and I go hey Eddie how you doing tonight he goes oh great you know and he tries to like stand up to me you know because it's scary because I know what it was to see big stars at the store and I'd never go over to them yeah wait till I tell you how I got to open for Pryor and became like Mitzie's guy for Pryor for Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy.

[1227] I'll tell you that story and that'll amaze you.

[1228] But Eddie Griffin stand there.

[1229] I go, you know, I caught you tonight.

[1230] You really are pretty good.

[1231] You're going to really have a career.

[1232] He goes, you think so?

[1233] I go, yeah, why don't you go home and pack?

[1234] We leave in the morning for Philadelphia.

[1235] It was the first time I did the spectrum and I was doing a whole tour.

[1236] We get to Philly.

[1237] I notice Eddie don't have a jacket.

[1238] He's not wearing socks and there's snow on the ground.

[1239] So I take him shopping.

[1240] I forgot what stores we went to and I just fill them up with clothing and that's when he started calling me Uncle D from that time on.

[1241] Now we're at the comedy store and I'm with William Morris and I forgot the agent.

[1242] I had a lot of agents by then, you know.

[1243] So I call over my agent Michael Gruber is his name and I said, Michael, I want you to meet Eddie Griffin.

[1244] He goes, yeah, how you doing Eddie?

[1245] He goes, you were very funny tonight.

[1246] Yeah, I go, can you do me a favor?

[1247] just sign them in the morning I go that's what I need done you know and I was just able to get it done signs Eddie months later Eddie's got Malcolm and Eddie the TV sitcom I remember that and from that he went on to the movie start him and he's had a great career but I used to like to do Lenny Clark fucking Lenny the best I have Lenny open for me number one the The crowd wanted nothing to do with the openers.

[1248] It was just them doing the wave singing, eh, asshole, eh, asshole, they only want the dice.

[1249] It was absolute fucking bedlam.

[1250] I mean, I'd look at the crowds and go, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[1251] I never went to concerts as a kid.

[1252] I didn't give a shit about concerts, you know.

[1253] And I didn't even go see Elvis, who I idolized.

[1254] So, Lenny Clark's on stage, NASA College.

[1255] seem they don't want anything to do with them and he goes look i got to stay out here anyway you know and do my time and he sits down and he starts clipping his toenails okay dan he's so great i love i haven't seen him in years but i i know what a wonderful guy he is and he's had an amazing career and this was the start of it because he calls me up when we're going to do the universal amphithe and he goes dyes you mind if i have some people People come down to see me. I go, Lenny, that's what it's all about.

[1256] I want you to go further, you know.

[1257] And he gets his own television show.

[1258] I think it was called Lenny.

[1259] Well, the show fails miserably.

[1260] My friend Peter Dobson was in it, a young actor.

[1261] But they take Lenny now, and they put him on Frazier.

[1262] I think it was Frasier for all the years playing a cop.

[1263] So his career blew up, and he's had a great career.

[1264] but I used to love that that I could look at a guy and I go I help make that happen just like Rodney gave me the shot of a lifetime you know and I remember even coming to Rodney when I was going to do the garden which a lot of people don't know I did over 300 arenas I did 12 million people up to 19 300 arenas well you're doing them too now so I'm not even going to make a big deal because that's an amazing number look I've seen what you've been doing you know and but but yeah you sent me uh you sent me a good luck when i did the garden because i knew how important it was to you you know and you know that's like if i would see nobody got behind me when i made it right you know i didn't have any con the only comic was edie murphy i'll tell you a lennie clark story yeah i i uh i only had been paid for comedy on two occasions at this time i'd this is the second time i were open up for this guy named Warren McDonald in this shitty little bar gig and then I opened up for Lenny Clark and Lenny Clark it was after Lenny had done young comedian special okay which is the one I did and I don't know even how I got recommended to do it so it's at jays in pittsfield Massachusetts this crazy comedy club that was out in western Massachusetts are a great place and I go on stage and I do well it was fun it was a good set and I get off stage and Mike Clark is Lenny's brother and Mike Clark books giggles and Saugus and Mike Clark's the fucking man and Mike Clark goes kid you're really funny but you got to clean it up like your act is too dirty and everybody said that to me back then I was like and then Lenny comes off stage he goes kid that was hilarious he goes that fucking bit about the one bit that like Mike Clark told me don't do that bit anymore Lenny was like that bit was hilarious and he goes he was just telling me to clean it up he goes yeah you should probably clean it up but fuck it I never did exactly he I was on stage at an open mic night once, and after I did my set, the open mic night host called me Joe fucking Rogan.

[1265] And then he comes off stage, and he lectures me and how I shouldn't swear.

[1266] And it's cheap and easy comedy.

[1267] And I said, but the guys that I like are all, they all swear.

[1268] Like, that's the comedy that I like, like dice clay.

[1269] He goes, yeah, you're not dice clay.

[1270] I remember thinking this, but wasn't dice clay not dice clay?

[1271] Wasn't all these people weren't they?

[1272] It's just so easy to say, oh, that's a cheap way to get a laugh.

[1273] It's a dumb thing to think, too, because there's all sorts of ways to do music.

[1274] There's all sorts of ways to do movies.

[1275] Exactly.

[1276] There's all genres.

[1277] Look, I like violent movies.

[1278] It doesn't mean I like violence.

[1279] I like a little violence.

[1280] Controlled.

[1281] But it's like coffee.

[1282] Do you want some coffee?

[1283] Want some more?

[1284] Get in there.

[1285] Get some black.

[1286] There you go.

[1287] Check out of a cup.

[1288] Like a man. All right.

[1289] Like a man. We're in a fucking camp together.

[1290] Like we're camping.

[1291] She is.

[1292] Yeah, cheers, brother.

[1293] I get to keep the cop, I mean, it's...

[1294] Fuck yeah, I'll give you, you got a Yeti for you, brother.

[1295] It's good.

[1296] It's not bad, black rifle.

[1297] I got to come back on sugar anyway, my girlfriend don't like it.

[1298] Yeah?

[1299] Yeah, sugar's terrible.

[1300] I'm going through a whole thing.

[1301] Yeah, I can help you.

[1302] I can help you with that.

[1303] I shouldn't have brought it up.

[1304] She's going to now tell me, you should listen to Rogan, you know?

[1305] Because I do, I do exercise a lot.

[1306] I do, it's my hobby.

[1307] I don't do what you do.

[1308] I mean, the first time I saw you, honestly, I think I've told this to you.

[1309] Matthew.

[1310] I see him in the middle of black.

[1311] I used to like to look at Black Belt magazine.

[1312] There he is in a split with his onions basically plastered to the fucking ground.

[1313] With every muscle popping out of his body.

[1314] And I go, I know this guy.

[1315] He's a comic.

[1316] You know?

[1317] But I didn't know about.

[1318] know, the karate or anything yet.

[1319] You know, I just knew you was a comic, you know, and I thought that was amazing, and I know how you are, because I, I know you for years, so I should know you work out, and I know everything with you.

[1320] I know with the fighting thing, the announcing, the, I know it all.

[1321] But what I'm saying is, my girlfriend will hear, Frogans telling you to cut back and have this, instead of, you got to think about it this way.

[1322] She gets on me with it.

[1323] It's a real simple way to think about it.

[1324] Literally.

[1325] Literally, you are what you eat.

[1326] Actually, figuratively, you are what you eat.

[1327] The only way your body has the proper fuel is if you give it to it.

[1328] If you give your body bullshit, your body gives you bullshit.

[1329] No, I...

[1330] It's really simple.

[1331] There aren't many foods I eat.

[1332] Like, I don't really believe in vegetables.

[1333] You know what I mean?

[1334] Well, you should try the carnivore diet then.

[1335] A lot of people are very successful in that.

[1336] No, it's not even about a dime.

[1337] 208 pounds.

[1338] Yeah, but I mean, it's not about diet as in trying to lose weight.

[1339] It's about diet as in fueling your body correctly.

[1340] You don't have as much inflammation.

[1341] No, and I know you do know a lot about that stuff.

[1342] You should get checked out to see if you have food allergies.

[1343] Because you might be dealing with the, you don't have any?

[1344] Have you done the whole test?

[1345] None of that.

[1346] None of that.

[1347] Have you done the test where they do it?

[1348] I have different things, you know.

[1349] Right, but have you done that test?

[1350] That test is very, it's really, it really works well.

[1351] It's helped many people that I know.

[1352] You go and they test you for a bunch of different things.

[1353] Like, you know, some people, they find out they're allergic to, like, certain vegetables.

[1354] Some people are allergic to gluten.

[1355] Some people are allergic to all kinds.

[1356] And milk.

[1357] And they're, they don't even know.

[1358] They're intolerant to it.

[1359] And they're just, like, they just accept that their body feels like shit.

[1360] See, but I don't feel like shit.

[1361] That's, you know.

[1362] And I, you know, I, you know, I, you know, I, you know why, you probably right about that.

[1363] But what I am glad about is that.

[1364] You know, I had a heart attack when I was 60, okay?

[1365] Whoa, I didn't know that.

[1366] I had to have a stent put in.

[1367] Yeah, I didn't make that, like, news.

[1368] You know what I made news?

[1369] And this will interest you.

[1370] All right, you're looking at me. I look normal.

[1371] Yes.

[1372] And I know I look normal.

[1373] I got hit with a few things.

[1374] I got hit with Bell's pulls.

[1375] Yeah, I know about that.

[1376] Okay.

[1377] And I didn't hide from it.

[1378] Which side of your face was it?

[1379] It was this side of my face.

[1380] And, see, I'm a certain way because I am a fighter in my heart.

[1381] you know and I was like I'm not cancel on my shows and I'm not going to hide the fact that I have bells bought I posted about it you know I made fun of it on stage I would do Sammy Davis for like 10 minutes because yeah because my face is down to here you know what I mean so I would make the whole fair I go what can I find my eye you know and I would just do all that stuff and then a kukkuky Junck, you know, just getting into Sam.

[1382] And that's how I would make fun of the Bell's palsy.

[1383] Because also with the beginning, you know, during the, like, pandemical, I changed, like, I don't like, when people, like, use the C word.

[1384] Like, I'll even yell at Elinor.

[1385] She says, you know, that's old.

[1386] That word went out with high button shoes, you know, like.

[1387] You don't like that word?

[1388] Do you really think we should abandon words at some point in time?

[1389] No, no, I think you come up with better ones.

[1390] Okay.

[1391] Like, all right, let's say, I don't want to talk about my girlfriend in this way, but I only have one girl.

[1392] But you could be like at a family function and you say something like, you know what, maybe we should go home now.

[1393] I'm really in the move for that glazed donut hole.

[1394] You could say that in front of kids.

[1395] Oh, I see what you're saying.

[1396] Well, that in, but I'm using Cunt as a pejorative.

[1397] No, but what I'm saying is I use Pink Lipp Lagoon.

[1398] Right, but that's like an actual thing.

[1399] Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

[1400] When you're saying the C word, you're saying it because person's an asshole.

[1401] Like an argument.

[1402] Yeah, or someone is a Karen.

[1403] You would call them a Karen now.

[1404] Well, that I don't get into.

[1405] That's true, right?

[1406] It's kind of replaced the C word.

[1407] There's so much I can't change.

[1408] I can't change.

[1409] When they changed, this is when I knew everything was going to shit when they changed that's kind of a friendly way to say the C word calls someone to Karen yeah but you know but then all those it's just a word it's just a let I mean imagine but what if your name's Karen?

[1410] It sucks if your name is Karen.

[1411] This lady told me once it was hilarious I go she goes you know hi my name's Karen and I said does that bother you the whole Karen thing she goes no because I spell it different oh god she's like I spell like K -A -R -Y -N I'm like okay you win like what are you saying He still got fucked.

[1412] They still got you.

[1413] They still got you.

[1414] Because she was in her 40s, and, like, they had got her with that name.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] Her whole life, she was fine.

[1417] It was a regular girl name.

[1418] Exactly.

[1419] Now, it's no good.

[1420] And there's no guy name like that.

[1421] It's like maybe some people say Chad, but there's some badass Chad's out there.

[1422] That doesn't work.

[1423] Definitely not naming.

[1424] You know, it's like honky.

[1425] Honky doesn't work either.

[1426] You know, you can't, it's funny that there's not one like that for a dude.

[1427] They change so many stupid things.

[1428] The Karen one's perfect, though.

[1429] It sucks if your name is Karen, but God damn, it's perfect.

[1430] There's no little baby Karen's around right now, though.

[1431] I fucking doubt it.

[1432] I would like to see that steep cliff drop off from the time Karen became a thing to the time kids stopped naming the kids Karen.

[1433] I just can't do it, though, Karen.

[1434] It's not a bad name.

[1435] No, it's a nice name.

[1436] It's a beautiful name.

[1437] Yeah, exactly.

[1438] So it's almost like you're calling somebody something nice.

[1439] You're a Karen.

[1440] I thank you.

[1441] I generally don't use it, but it is funny that it's a thing.

[1442] I'm just saying like When I talk to guys They come to my show And I go You know, they're married 30 years Whatever and I go So you're still using the P word And the C Come on You know What do you call it?

[1443] Beautiful names, right?

[1444] Moose canoe Oh, better You know what I mean?

[1445] Much better Tanger Tanger Tanya Tuna Tower I go How many times Think of this That should be a band Don't you think A girl gets bored When the guy's head Is Burried in the pillow How many times?

[1446] she got her here in her life, I'm going to come.

[1447] She's heard that thousand.

[1448] She's probably miming it.

[1449] You know, I'm going to come.

[1450] You know, I go, you come up with something different.

[1451] Everything changes.

[1452] You know, that's how I look at life.

[1453] You make it more exciting rather than a dimmer.

[1454] You want to be the first.

[1455] No, rather than a dimmer in your bedroom.

[1456] Right.

[1457] Have three, four lava lamps going.

[1458] The dimmer with the dust on it.

[1459] Come on.

[1460] Right.

[1461] Mix it up.

[1462] Yeah.

[1463] romanticizes.

[1464] Especially when you're with somebody for a long time, I really understand that stuff.

[1465] I don't know what, well, I don't want to do real bits on the show, but, you know, I talk about all that on stage and how, see, because I was the guy they said hated women, but I don't really think, like I have a friend that said to me on the phone, he goes, look, he's 65, I understand that you still love sex.

[1466] He goes, I like it too, but not like you.

[1467] You like it.

[1468] It's like every time you have sex, it's like the first time.

[1469] I go, because I always appreciated it.

[1470] I always found it exciting, you know?

[1471] You know, it's like, you know, one minute you're saying hello to somebody and what's sign of you and what do you do to make a dollar.

[1472] And the next thing, you're just banging into this fucking marbalized meat steak, you know, relentlessly.

[1473] And going, all right, I guess you're mine now.

[1474] You know, but I always appreciate it.

[1475] The 80s.

[1476] The 80s were a magical time.

[1477] But I just try to appreciate it.

[1478] Like, it never gets old to me when I'm into somebody.

[1479] You know what I mean?

[1480] And even from many years ago, you know, they're going, this is the guy that hates women.

[1481] I go, there's probably nobody more romantic.

[1482] If you spoke to my girl, all right, we all know Valentine's Day, flowers, chocolates, bullshit, right?

[1483] I need a Monday.

[1484] My girl, I'm always, and I don't buy the bullshit grocery, $3 flower.

[1485] I go in, the flower guy knows me because I go, today, the tall vase, you know, and I'll throw, I spend thousands on it a year because I like how she feels when she gets fresh flowers.

[1486] I mean, she happens to be Southern, but she just loves it, you know?

[1487] She just loves the smell of it, the look of it.

[1488] And it just gives me pleasure when I could do something sweet for her.

[1489] That's not a holiday.

[1490] I don't need a birthday or Valentine's Day when I could get you flowers every week if I want.

[1491] You know, and that the doorbell rings and she goes, oh, this is so sweet.

[1492] That's how I've been really my whole life, but not with the...

[1493] But you're very sensitive to that because that was like a thing.

[1494] that really bothered you when people were coming out.

[1495] It wasn't true.

[1496] It wasn't true, but it was also, it's like, this is what I always say.

[1497] It's like when you see Brad Pitt smash that woman's face against the mantle and once upon a time in Hollywood, he's not really doing that.

[1498] Exactly.

[1499] That's not real.

[1500] So what is it about, you know in a movie it's not real, you know in a song that's not real.

[1501] Like Bob Marley didn't really shoot the sheriff, right?

[1502] We all know that.

[1503] So what is it about comedy that's so obviously.

[1504] a persona.

[1505] It's so obviously this over the top character that you've created and it's hilarious.

[1506] And so many people like it.

[1507] Why did that bother people so much?

[1508] This is what's crazy about it.

[1509] It's like how come no one I can understand if you don't like it.

[1510] I can understand if it's not your thing.

[1511] But it was universal except for fans.

[1512] So obviously whoever's reviewing it is not representing everyone because there's so many people coming out to see you and they're having the time of their life and I was one of those fans I was one of those fans so for me I didn't understand it like as a comic I'm like he's just doing comedy like what is wrong with you people you can't dictate these are the free speech people these are the first amendment people you can't dictate what a person talks about or doesn't talk about back then though you couldn't go after them right if they came out with a newspaper today They had ultimate power.

[1513] At least you can fight back with the social media.

[1514] They had ultimate power to shape society by deciding things sucked.

[1515] Yeah, it was a brutal time.

[1516] It's a brutal time.

[1517] Number one, I enjoy this time way better for me. And I enjoy getting on stage way more for me now, you know, because these are fans that just appreciate what I do.

[1518] And now I'm like grandfathered in.

[1519] I'm not part of with the canceling.

[1520] Yeah.

[1521] I do what I do.

[1522] I came through.

[1523] it, and I'm still standing, as they would say.

[1524] So, I just go on stage and do the act I want to do, and I don't care what anybody thinks about it.

[1525] And like I said, it is a lot more deprecating now.

[1526] But you had a resurgence because of the internet too, though.

[1527] Well, I also have resurgence because, you know, like I said, it was always about acting to me. And, you know, I don't know what I want to talk about.

[1528] All right.

[1529] So, what was it, 2009 or 10, here comes Doug Allen who created Entourage.

[1530] And he's getting ready to do his very last season of Entourage.

[1531] And we have a meeting at the Soho Club, which is like Entourage, you know.

[1532] And he said to me, and look, when I talk to another comic, sometimes it's hard.

[1533] So I'm going to say, I think you're an incredible comedian.

[1534] you're on top of performer you're an incredible comedian your thoughts are great you're a worldly guy you know a lot of stuff so when you perform that's why you have built the audience you have around the entire fucking world I mean to me this was never even a thought in my head that somebody would come along you know because to me I always look like at Howard Stern like who's ever going to come along and top what this guy has done and then slowly but surely here you come.

[1535] And now you have basically the biggest audience in the world.

[1536] And that's why I tell you how proud I am because you had enough success way before this to walk away from it all and just do stand up.

[1537] But this is something you wanted and you took the time to nurture it and build it and do it your own way.

[1538] And you just became it.

[1539] And I love when I see an original and you are an original.

[1540] and this incredible comic slash performer because you don't stand in one spot on stage.

[1541] I've seen you on your back kicking your fucking feet.

[1542] It's hilarious to me. So when I do say things about myself, don't think I'm the only one that thinks I'm great.

[1543] I know others that are great, and you're one of them.

[1544] And I appreciate you.

[1545] Thank you very much.

[1546] And I appreciate like Bill Burr, I think, is amazing.

[1547] I love Bill.

[1548] You know, Dave Chappelle amazing, Chris Rock amazing.

[1549] But right now I'm sitting talking to you.

[1550] So I do, you know, I get into my story, but I like you to know what I really think of you.

[1551] I appreciate that.

[1552] I know how good that feels to somebody.

[1553] I appreciate you very much, Dice.

[1554] And what you accomplished is unaccomplishable unless you're Joe Rogan and see it that way.

[1555] And believe in yourself that you're an original as you are.

[1556] I really appreciate that.

[1557] I don't even think about it that way.

[1558] I just do what I like to do, and I keep doing it, and this one became popular.

[1559] And I am amazed by it.

[1560] Thank you.

[1561] And what's funny about that whole statement is that I forgot what I was going to tell you before I told you that.

[1562] But it doesn't even matter because of, you know, I wanted to let you know that today.

[1563] That was important to me. All those other guys, whether it's Howard or Opie and Anthony, even I miss, like all those sort of.

[1564] to controversial radio characters.

[1565] They all set the stage for this.

[1566] But it was really, it was really Opie and Anthony.

[1567] That was really where I really decide.

[1568] I mean, that's really where I learned like how fun it is.

[1569] Yeah, and I did that show a thousand times.

[1570] It was so fun to hang out.

[1571] There was nothing like it.

[1572] I remember they would goof on me before I got to know them.

[1573] You know, because Anthony does a great dice.

[1574] The perfect dice.

[1575] Okay, he does the perfect dice.

[1576] It's pretty damn good.

[1577] And I would get a call from, you know, my friend, and personal security person throughout the years, Club Soda Kenny, who I don't know if he bodyguards you, he bodyguards...

[1578] No, he hasn't, but I love that guy.

[1579] He's amazing, and he works with Bill Burr full -time, and he bodyguards Madonna.

[1580] He's an amazing guy.

[1581] The girl...

[1582] Wait, what's...

[1583] The blonde girl comedian.

[1584] I just forgot a name for a second.

[1585] No, I'm not looking to even make fun of her.

[1586] Which one?

[1587] He worked with a few years, and I get...

[1588] Because when I'm talking fast, I forget certain things.

[1589] I do, too.

[1590] He knows who I'm talking about, though.

[1591] Club soda, you know.

[1592] Okay.

[1593] So he's...

[1594] There's so many thoughts going through me. I understand.

[1595] You might have got a contact high.

[1596] Is that it?

[1597] I'm stoned out now.

[1598] You had a stone...

[1599] I think you're right.

[1600] I think so, too.

[1601] And I like weed, but, like, I'll do it, like, at night.

[1602] Right.

[1603] Right.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] Well, I take things to help my memory while I'm smoking weed.

[1606] Well, it's not helping mine.

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] I didn't give you some.

[1609] I'll give some alpha brain next time.

[1610] It's the balancing act of the positive benefits of weed and the memory loss part.

[1611] No, I've just gone.

[1612] You're fucking crazy.

[1613] We got you.

[1614] You really got me. I got you accidentally.

[1615] I didn't mean to.

[1616] No, but I get it.

[1617] Why did you quit the cigarettes?

[1618] See, when I did, when I got the palsy face.

[1619] Mm -hmm.

[1620] Okay, I know we were talking about that.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] Well, I've quit cigarettes twice.

[1623] I quit for 10 years, and that's the first time I went back.

[1624] I didn't want to smoke or gamble, and, you know, because I was a big -time gambler with blackjack for a long time.

[1625] Oh, really?

[1626] Yeah.

[1627] What's like the most you ever bet?

[1628] Oh, no, millions that have gone around in a circle, you know.

[1629] And, oh, the first time Bobby Lee opens for me. This is hilarious.

[1630] He's a new comic, okay?

[1631] And I did Bally's, let's see, the 12 or 13 years.

[1632] It was like this big multimillion dollar deal I had with Bally's, which they never gave any comic in history.

[1633] Okay, so that's another first thing.

[1634] And so I bring Bobby Lee to open for me. So I lose a quarter million.

[1635] you know, within, I don't know, an hour and a half of being there.

[1636] You know what?

[1637] I am stone, of course, of you.

[1638] So he's sitting, I remember, he'd sit on the top of the couch in the room, you know, with his feet, like on the cushions.

[1639] And he's sitting there because he doesn't know what to do, you know.

[1640] Like, he just saw the guy that hired him lose a quarter million dollars.

[1641] I said, Bobby, I'll get it back tomorrow.

[1642] It's not really, you know, don't even think about it.

[1643] serious let's order some food type of thing and that's happened a bunch of times because any gambler that says he wins all the time is just lying to you yeah you know but what I always tell my girlfriend because I don't gamble anymore that I go I've got to do stuff that no that people dream are doing that you only see in movies when you see gambling movies you You know, I could remember one time, also at Bally's, this is a good story.

[1644] And Wheels was my opening act.

[1645] You knew Wheels.

[1646] Yeah, sure.

[1647] Okay, so, you know, he's into coffee now.

[1648] Wheels does all these different businesses.

[1649] He was catering for a while, right?

[1650] Yeah, he did the Canoli Kings.

[1651] Now he does Perisi's coffee, you know, and it's incredible coffee.

[1652] It's what I drink every day, you know.

[1653] So we were talking about this recently that.

[1654] So I'm doing Bally's, and Wheels is the opener.

[1655] And that was even one time I'm playing.

[1656] Wheels is on stage at Bally's.

[1657] I'm at Caesar's Palace, wearing the Dice Rules jacket, club soda Kenny's with me, and he's going, we really need to leave now.

[1658] You're on in 10 minutes.

[1659] So it was a good night for me. I'm on stage now at Bally's 10 minutes later with $350 ,000 of chips in my pocket that I didn't even have time.

[1660] that winnings, not even, you know, just all winnings.

[1661] So I lose, I'm with wheels, and I lose the night before a couple hundred grand.

[1662] And now we'd sit out at the pool.

[1663] I never became like a recluse.

[1664] I wasn't going to live my life like that.

[1665] You know, no matter how big I got in comedy, I got in the mall by myself, I got it the cleaners, I got it a grocery, because that's what kept me normal, regular, just the guy from Brooklyn that made it you know so we're out at the pool at valleys and I go wheels you got you got any money on you he goes I got $20 you know I go yeah that's enough I go let's go we get in a cab we go over to the mirage all right so at the mirage at that time I only had it was like a $75 ,000 credit okay so they give me $75 ,000 and I had this dealer I forgot this guy's name and he's killing me because I play alone and I play I could play the whole table if I want so it's 5 ,000 a hand that's 30 ,000 across the board and this guy's killing me okay but what bothered me is when they would hold the cards for me to cut let's say you're the player the dealer goes like that instead of like that that you could just find the spot and cut it so when I was playing the dealer beating me I asked the pit boss this guy do you mind if the dealer turns the cards to me so I could cut and wheels are sitting here and I'm sitting on this end and he goes yeah sure no problem dice and the guy would do it now they switched dealers and pit boss now this is the days where all the women you know I hate dice type of thing okay which they really didn't it was a small number but the press made it like a big number Well, the new pit boss was a woman, and she was a dice hater.

[1666] And the deal's name was Archie.

[1667] I remember because he was from Louisiana.

[1668] And I said to the pit boss, I go, would you mind if Archie, you know, because I'm not in character and I'm not on stage.

[1669] I go, would you mind if Archie turned the cards to me so I could cut the cards?

[1670] And she goes, no, we can't do that here.

[1671] I go, well, the other pit boss didn't have a problem with it.

[1672] And she goes, well, I do.

[1673] Now I get mad.

[1674] Now it's dice mean.

[1675] You know, wheels, get up.

[1676] And then remind me to tell you about Doug Allen.

[1677] I just remember, write it down.

[1678] I got it.

[1679] I got it.

[1680] Don't worry.

[1681] I got it.

[1682] Right after that, I'm going to tell you what happened.

[1683] Because it's a great story.

[1684] It's like a rocky story, you know.

[1685] so wheels get up sit here making a show out of it now and I go to the end of the table so I can lean across and cut the cards where I want wheels get up go back to your seat I go let me tell you something honey now I'm dice I go you're going to be lucky if you have a job when I'm done here now I go because they're all watching I go Archie you see the last chip in the $5 ,000 lane, no, not the first lane, the second lane.

[1686] That's yours.

[1687] How does that sound?

[1688] Nice tip.

[1689] That would be great.

[1690] I go, let's play cards.

[1691] And I start playing.

[1692] Two hands, three hands, six hands, and I'm just winning.

[1693] But I'm not stacking the chips.

[1694] I'm just throwing them like this.

[1695] I don't even know what's there, right?

[1696] He's down to the last two chips on the second row.

[1697] And I go, all right, this is what I'm going to do.

[1698] I go, honey, I want you to pay attention because I got a little thing I want to ask you.

[1699] I go, I want a black jack, Archie.

[1700] I'm going to take the ace of spades and then I'm going to take the queen of spades.

[1701] Okay, that's how you're going to deal with it to me. Sweetheart, I don't know what shit pay they give you here for the 12 hours a day you've got to put in.

[1702] But I'll bet, and I don't know what's here, but I'm sure it's more than what you make a week, you know?

[1703] Or a year, or maybe the next five years.

[1704] years.

[1705] But I'll bet all this that I pulled those cards exactly the way I'm saying it.

[1706] Against your pay.

[1707] What do you say?

[1708] And she goes, we're not allowed to do that.

[1709] I go, all right, Archie, give me the Ace of Spades and give it to me slowly because I make a sound effect noise.

[1710] I do it when I film, which is this noise.

[1711] There's the Ace of.

[1712] of spades.

[1713] I got to tell you, and this is a true story.

[1714] I don't, see, these stories are so unreal.

[1715] Just gut.

[1716] I swear to God, it's my gut.

[1717] So that's why I'll tell you, don't think I've never lost.

[1718] I've lost a ton of fucking money, you know, but I've won a ton.

[1719] That's the beauty of it.

[1720] Yeah, but you're just not, you're not just guessing that you're going to blackjack, you're guessing the actual cards.

[1721] It's just a gut feeling.

[1722] Did you ever do it again after that?

[1723] No, way, way.

[1724] Okay.

[1725] So now I look at this woman, I go, I'll tell you what, same bet.

[1726] If I don't pull the Queen of Spades, you win all that against your pay for the year.

[1727] She goes, no. Archie, let's not fuck around.

[1728] Just give me the Queen of Spades.

[1729] Boom, there it is.

[1730] Even Wheels couldn't believe it.

[1731] And honestly, Joe, I'm sitting here, and I know millions of people listen to you, I couldn't fucking believe it.

[1732] It just came out that way.

[1733] So now we pile it all up.

[1734] out of that hotel $455 ,000 after giving them their $75 ,000.

[1735] That's the profit.

[1736] And on the way back to the hotel, because I make wheels carry the money in these like manila envelopes, we're in a cab, I go, put your hand in, grab a stack of money, you know.

[1737] So he takes like $10 ,000, you know.

[1738] And I go, wouldn't that worth $20?

[1739] You know what I mean?

[1740] So that's one of the gambling stories.

[1741] But I always tell people about gambling.

[1742] I want to know why you thought those were going to be the cards.

[1743] Like, what is that?

[1744] Do you think that there's moments in time where you just know things for some reason?

[1745] Well, I knew when I'd lose.

[1746] Yeah?

[1747] Of course.

[1748] It's like, you know, it's like there were just certain days.

[1749] It would get to the point.

[1750] And I've done this, and I've done this in front of gangsters.

[1751] Mm -hmm.

[1752] That one guy said to me, he goes, throw the books away you hear because I was calling every card coming out and I'm not a card counter I don't even know math really so you know what do you think that is and how many times do you've been able to do that in your life is it just with cards or is it with other stuff too I've done it with my career I've done it with my career let me what do you think that is you think it's a gift it's just something if you believe in God and I'm not a religious guy in but I believe I was put here, you know.

[1753] And I always knew what I was supposed to be, you know, like I told you about Elvis when I was 12 years old.

[1754] I didn't really talk about Gene Kruper, a Buddy Rich with the drums, a Ringo Star, but I knew I was meant, like when I'd be failing everything in school, I wouldn't even worry about it because I knew I was meant for much more.

[1755] That's so interesting.

[1756] It's almost like it was written.

[1757] And that's how I say it to people.

[1758] I never felt that way, ever in my life.

[1759] And if you want to hear something that, and I want to give you to Doug Allen, and I want to talk to you about those videos.

[1760] Okay, so don't, okay.

[1761] You try not to forget that.

[1762] Okay.

[1763] So when I was really going through it with the press, and they were really, I mean, I couldn't turn on TV.

[1764] I know it's not your life, so you're not thinking about my life, but I would see it every day.

[1765] No, I thought about you when that was going on because I was like, no one has his back, and there was no one in, like, media that had your back.

[1766] No, that's why I talk about Eddie Murphy all the time, because Eddie came out on Arsenio.

[1767] He was the only one and said, I don't know about what's going on.

[1768] I don't remember his work.

[1769] He goes, but he's funny, and I'm going to the forum to see him, however he said it.

[1770] You know, he was the one guy.

[1771] I remember driving down, green Cadillac, convertible, Kelly Green, with my, wife at the time and she's going somebody's yelling at you Andrew and it was Eddie Murphy and a little convertible Mercedes go pull the fucker and he gets out of his car on a side street near crescent that I made a right turn before Melrose and he pulls behind me he gets out of his car because he always liked me at the comedy store he'd walk away from this before I made it he'd walk away from his entourage you know just to talk to me he loved what I did and gets out of his car go don't let them with you.

[1772] He goes, I see how they're doing.

[1773] Don't let them get to you.

[1774] I see what they're doing.

[1775] I mean, and he really had my back that way, but nobody else did.

[1776] Every other comic opening their fucking mouth from Jay Leno to George fucking calling.

[1777] And I go, and of course when they'd come face to face with me, kiss my ass.

[1778] Apologize.

[1779] That's how these fucking guys were.

[1780] That's why I get angry now even.

[1781] Because, you know, I like guys like Leno.

[1782] I think I'll even say it now.

[1783] I think he's one of the funniest guys out there.

[1784] But what a dickhead.

[1785] Like, he used to stand leaning against your motorcycle before I ever made it, you know, talking to me all the time.

[1786] And then the day I took off and got bigger than any comic you ever heard of, I'm no fucking good.

[1787] You can open you.

[1788] What did he say?

[1789] He would say things, number one, you got a picture on the first guy on the cover of Penthouse magazine.

[1790] He's got the picture somewhere that Bob Grub.

[1791] Guccione called me up and said, I want to, he goes, the only other guy that's ever been on the cover was me. You're going to be the first man on the cover of penthouse.

[1792] You know, whenever he finds it.

[1793] There it is.

[1794] Right.

[1795] What's funny is, I think that's 90.

[1796] And actually one of those girls were pregnant at that time, which is for four months pregnant.

[1797] And he goes, I'm going to put you on the cover.

[1798] And then he tried it with other guys.

[1799] Like, you know, I don't want to name names, but it didn't sell like this sold.

[1800] So he stopped doing it.

[1801] He thought he was going to start a trend when he put me. And then he had me again, did a whole photo shoot with me in suits.

[1802] I stayed at his house in Manhattan.

[1803] He had a townhouse.

[1804] Judy Garland's gold piano.

[1805] You walk into this place.

[1806] He's with his wife.

[1807] Over the railing, there's a pool inside the house.

[1808] He put me in what he called the black room.

[1809] The whole room was black with the mirrored fucking ceilings, the red bathroom.

[1810] It looked like the comedy store.

[1811] And then all the girls were staying there and we did a whole photo shoot.

[1812] That's the second time I was in penthouse.

[1813] But they did a whole interview on me and that was I forgot what Jay said, but I got him at the improv, which I hardly ever go to.

[1814] Because the comedy store was my place and that's where I belong.

[1815] See, I always looked at the improv, like, oh, these are the nice boys.

[1816] And that's okay.

[1817] I think Seinfeld's one of the greatest comics ever.

[1818] He's a Long Island nice guy.

[1819] You know what I mean?

[1820] I'm an animal.

[1821] I always was an animal.

[1822] You know, I got my face bashed in.

[1823] I was beat up by gangs.

[1824] I was putting fucking hospitals with my face split up.

[1825] All kinds of shit.

[1826] Million fights.

[1827] You know, I'm not like those guys.

[1828] I'm from Brooklyn, New York, and I love that.

[1829] So I get in Leno's face, and I go, where do you come off saying a fucking word about me?

[1830] I go, now you're standing in front of me. And I go, and next time you see me, there'll be no talk.

[1831] You know, and that's how it would go with these guys.

[1832] What did he say?

[1833] Oh, pussy it out, like they all would, you know.

[1834] George Collin met him up at the Stern Show after he badmouthed me on Larry King.

[1835] You know, I'm sorry I said any of that.

[1836] I was sort of just going with the snowball effect.

[1837] I couldn't even tell you what you do on stage.

[1838] Great, you're a prick.

[1839] The fuck out of my way.

[1840] I hated these guys.

[1841] So he just piled on.

[1842] He just piled on.

[1843] Because it was the zeitgeist.

[1844] The girl that fucking Zero from Saturday Night Live, Nora, whatever her fucking name was that walked off Saturday Night Live when I hosted it, okay?

[1845] So, Nora, this is hilarious.

[1846] I don't even want to do Saturday Night Live.

[1847] I was never a Saturday Night Live freak.

[1848] You know, I think it's a great show, but I was busy doing an act, you know.

[1849] Right.

[1850] So I get a call for it.

[1851] Fairlane's coming out.

[1852] You want to host Saturday Night Live.

[1853] My father's like, I think it's a smart move, Sonny Boy.

[1854] So, no, that's, you know, how he was.

[1855] Right.

[1856] Sandy Gallum, biggest manager in Hollywood, but I didn't make a move until my father said move.

[1857] you know and um so i come up to saturday night live i'm waiting i'm waiting i'm waiting oh and then here comes uh calvin klein's daughter to bring me into lawn okay i sit down just like me and you and lawn goes yeah it's been a rough day you know i go yeah all right you know he goes yeah you know nora walked off the show i forget her name all the time her last name I go, well, you know, what are you going to do, right?

[1858] Because I don't, and he goes, she walked off because of you.

[1859] So I go, I go, Lorne, I don't know who she is.

[1860] Did I do something to her?

[1861] He goes, no, she doesn't want you on the show, so she's boycotting the show.

[1862] And that was news all week, right?

[1863] And the real story is her conchior was done.

[1864] Oh, okay.

[1865] So, yeah, the real reason was that her contract was up in two weeks, and he wasn't going to renew it.

[1866] He didn't want her no more.

[1867] That's it.

[1868] So that was her way of getting back at him, because the most controversial comic ever, really, is hosting this.

[1869] I'm going to walk off and cause a problem.

[1870] And then Shnade followed in suit, but Shnade apologized when she went on.

[1871] Arsenio, she goes, if I knew what I knew then, my management talked me into walking off because this girl Nora did.

[1872] You know, she was supposed to be the musical guest.

[1873] And yeah, it was a rough time.

[1874] My mother used to say, she goes, they come after you more than they go after OJ.

[1875] She really meant it.

[1876] And it was unbelievable because any time I turn on TV.

[1877] Well, it certainly seems like that because it's you, though, you know?

[1878] No, no, but it was that.

[1879] I could turn on Well, you were a cultural hot button, and there was, again, there was no internet back there to have your back.

[1880] Yeah, but it's not like it went on for six months, even.

[1881] No, went on for years.

[1882] That MTV thing went on for years.

[1883] You were the whipping boy when it came to, like, what they would call blue comedy.

[1884] But the thing was, would you take the cigarettes?

[1885] Or offensive comedy.

[1886] No, they're right there.

[1887] Your cigarettes are right in front of your coffee cup.

[1888] Oh, that's what I'm saying.

[1889] See, I told you.

[1890] I had a cataract taken.

[1891] Oh, yeah.

[1892] How bad did that fuck with your vision?

[1893] It fucks with it.

[1894] That's why I'm always in sunglasses.

[1895] The light fucks with it.

[1896] You know, it's really helped it, but it fucks with it, you know.

[1897] So you're saying you quit twice?

[1898] Yeah.

[1899] And then you didn't smoke for how long?

[1900] So I didn't smoke for 10 years.

[1901] Then when my father was supposedly going to pass away, I was with Eleanor playing a club in Virginia.

[1902] I was standing on this corner with like five different roads with cars gone.

[1903] I just bought a pack and started smoking.

[1904] Wow.

[1905] So that went on for like another six years.

[1906] Then when I was turning 60, I had a heart attack.

[1907] I didn't even know I'm having one.

[1908] And it was in Vegas.

[1909] And, you know, they put a stent in.

[1910] And I just stopped that day.

[1911] I just like, I didn't need any kind of patch or shot or just stop smoking.

[1912] Why do you carry them still?

[1913] But it's the same with gambling.

[1914] I could show.

[1915] I just like, here, we're having a conversation.

[1916] You're like, you have one in your hands.

[1917] I love it.

[1918] I do love holding cigarettes.

[1919] I just, even when I do concerts, they have to have two packs in the dressing room.

[1920] That's hilarious.

[1921] You know, but I never light them.

[1922] I don't get the urge to light them.

[1923] What if someone lights one around you?

[1924] You couldn't care less.

[1925] You want to smoke?

[1926] No, no. You know, I just don't want the smoke.

[1927] Right.

[1928] You know, and I always loved exercise.

[1929] and I learned how to train my own body.

[1930] Everybody's got a different body through Sly Stallone's guy when I was doing Ford Fairlane, George Pipposick, is his name.

[1931] And George was Mr. Czechoslovakia for four years.

[1932] And when steroids came into the business back then, he just quit.

[1933] And he had a body like Tarzan.

[1934] And he moved to America, built his own gym, and every machine in it on Olympic Boulevard.

[1935] And when my career took off, I became good friends with Sly.

[1936] And I met George at his house, and George taught me how to train my own body.

[1937] You know, and I've always stuck to every, and it always just works.

[1938] Can I stop you for a second?

[1939] What the fuck was going on with that one interview where you went on some news show?

[1940] I don't know if it was CNN.

[1941] CNN.

[1942] Okay.

[1943] That was one of the most ridiculous.

[1944] things.

[1945] Can we please play that?

[1946] Because it's one of my favorite Dice videos.

[1947] We'll get to Doug Allen.

[1948] We'll get to Doug Allen.

[1949] And the videos.

[1950] We'll get to anything.

[1951] Let's start from the beginning.

[1952] Put the headphones on.

[1953] This is one of my favorite videos.

[1954] Let's talk a little bit about where your career has been.

[1955] Where your career has been.

[1956] You, of course, you were a headline guy.

[1957] I'm just not a headline guy.

[1958] You know what I mean?

[1959] For a while you popped out.

[1960] Now you're coming back.

[1961] For a while, for a while you were actually you were running a gym.

[1962] Tell us about that.

[1963] Jim.

[1964] Why aren't you running a gym at some point?

[1965] You're supposed to be a news guy.

[1966] What you're getting your fucking information?

[1967] That's our research.

[1968] You weren't?

[1969] It's ridiculous.

[1970] I come on CNN and the guy don't even know what he's talking about.

[1971] You had no point where you're running a gym?

[1972] No, no, running a gym.

[1973] You need a workout or something?

[1974] Jesus fucking Christ with these guys.

[1975] I come on the news for two seconds and you want to say...

[1976] All right.

[1977] Every time I do an interview, a guy wants to open his fucking mouth.

[1978] All right, Andrew.

[1979] Thank you very much.

[1980] We thought that you could hold back.

[1981] You know what?

[1982] Go fuck yourself.

[1983] You know what?

[1984] We'll go back to talking about Art Carney.

[1985] Well, whatever happened to that guy.

[1986] The guy was so good at his job.

[1987] Gone.

[1988] CNN is so good at hiring people.

[1989] Gone.

[1990] You know, just gone.

[1991] They're the best.

[1992] And he deserved it because...

[1993] That was just so ridiculous.

[1994] You know where I was the next night?

[1995] Where?

[1996] Sold out, Beacon Theater.

[1997] I sold out the beacon about 20 -something times.

[1998] I couldn't even tell you how many.

[1999] And it's like, why is this guy what?

[2000] And I remember doing interviews about it back then going, what was it?

[2001] His mommy doesn't like me?

[2002] No, I think, no, I'll tell you what it is from the outside.

[2003] There was like a cultural narrative.

[2004] And the cultural narrative is if you're a good guy, you hate that guy, and you don't think that's funny.

[2005] You don't think the things he says are funny.

[2006] And again, I bring it to like all other kinds of fiction, whether it's movies.

[2007] I like, I like violent films.

[2008] and violent books.

[2009] I enjoy them.

[2010] I don't know why.

[2011] I like them.

[2012] I don't think that's really happening.

[2013] I don't think that's real.

[2014] Is it fucked up that people getting shot is entertainment for people?

[2015] I don't know.

[2016] It's up to you, but no one's really getting shot.

[2017] So what the fuck are you worried about?

[2018] Equalize a...

[2019] But the thing is like, don't you don't have to like it.

[2020] That's the thing.

[2021] It's like for some reason it became like a hot button cultural issue.

[2022] Like where your comedy was this character.

[2023] was demeaning and it was going to cause other people to be demeaning too.

[2024] But my thought was like, is it going to cause you to be demeaning?

[2025] Is our jokes going to cause you to be demeaning to people?

[2026] Is that really possible?

[2027] So then who are we talking about?

[2028] Are we talking about kids?

[2029] And is that what's that on?

[2030] Is that on the parents?

[2031] Is that on the teachers?

[2032] Is that on the kids or is that on dice to raise your kids?

[2033] You know, what is that?

[2034] Number one, I just think, you know, we've been so held back now.

[2035] Like comedians for the most part are just being held back because comedians, as Lenny Bruce put it, and I don't even study comics, we're supposed to be a mirror of what's going on in the world and say things what's going on in a funny way.

[2036] That's all comedy is supposed to be.

[2037] You know, depending on how hard you want to get about it, well, that's up to the actual individual comic.

[2038] Yeah.

[2039] But to put cuffs on comedians in 20, 23, is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

[2040] Well, this is the time where it's, you know, it's important to make fun of things because things get real serious that shouldn't get that serious.

[2041] Because you're not allowed to express.

[2042] And when people...

[2043] Not allowed to fuck around.

[2044] When people have to...

[2045] You know, I watch these shows with my girlfriend.

[2046] Let me tell you.

[2047] So I keep saying it.

[2048] But, you know, this is a...

[2049] girl that's been through a lot with me. She's been through the palsy face.

[2050] She's the one giving me hot last night in the hotel with the hot rags on my face because as normal as I look, okay?

[2051] The muscles are tight.

[2052] You know, and it's fucked up.

[2053] Okay?

[2054] How long ago was it?

[2055] This is, she would know better than me. I don't know if it's a year.

[2056] It's a year in July, I think.

[2057] Somebody could ask her.

[2058] It's either a year or two years that I'm dealing with this, but I refuse to back up.

[2059] You understand?

[2060] I refuse to just fold.

[2061] I've been like this my whole life.

[2062] Whatever goes wrong, have a heart attack.

[2063] Okay, stop smoking that day.

[2064] Just start working out like an animal.

[2065] And, you know, you work out way different than me. I've seen you kick in the bags.

[2066] I've seen you work.

[2067] I mean, I give it up to you with that stuff.

[2068] But even if I do crunches, I do sets of 100, so I'll do six, seven hundred a day just to start the workout after I do some cardio.

[2069] It's all about repetition to me and just staying as good as I could feel.

[2070] If I don't feel that good in my chest because I'm paranoid because I had a heart attack, when I'm in the gym and I'm pumping the weight, doing a chest wear, I go, all right, you're okay because I was taught a long time ago by a cardiologist.

[2071] just the heart is a muscle and if the and if the heart can't handle it it won't let you do it it's that simple and even when I got my heart attack I'll never forget the minute I was told I could exercise a little I went up running in canyon because I was either going to make it to the top of the canyon or not you know I'm not willing to live my life in fear you know fear stops people from doing all kinds of things they want to do, even going after a career.

[2072] So I just refuse to do that.

[2073] And yeah, if I got to feel some tightness in my face, I'll feel it.

[2074] Do they know what caused it?

[2075] Stress.

[2076] All stress related, they said.

[2077] And stress is a very real thing.

[2078] There's a lot of very real things.

[2079] My bills for the longest time were $50 ,000 a month for probably 30 years.

[2080] years of the last 35 that's just the overhead right you know um very stressful you know I've gone through a ton of marriages you know so thank God I cheated on all of them you know yeah because I don't I don't want to cheat on a girlfriend because there's nothing at stake right you know what's you're going to do pack a bag and leave you cheat on a wife you could lose houses money alimony there's a lot you know what I mean so yeah I've enjoyed that process Actually, actually, the only two girls I never cheated on in my life, and I take a lot of pride when I say this, is, because you know, Eleanor is my opening act, and also, to me, one of the strongest, I can't even call her a girl comic, because she's so great up there.

[2081] She's fantastic.

[2082] She is, to me, one of the best comics I've ever worked with.

[2083] Eleanor was the funny waitress for the longest time.

[2084] And we've told the story.

[2085] I told the story when she came on the podcast.

[2086] Who's the person that I always go to?

[2087] Like if someone knew in town, I go, hey, did you see their set?

[2088] She'd go, ah, they're kind of hacking.

[2089] She never puts the fun.

[2090] Every comic in the world has a number.

[2091] I just couldn't stand.

[2092] See, people got to understand.

[2093] She was first my friend, then, you know, like an ex -fiancee now.

[2094] And then she started doing stand -up.

[2095] And the first time I put her on stage, she was off stage in four minutes.

[2096] The crowd didn't even let her get going.

[2097] It was at Westbury Music Fair.

[2098] And anybody else would have quit the business from that humiliating moment.

[2099] Was that our first set ever?

[2100] Yeah.

[2101] And I screamed at that crowd.

[2102] I hated them for that because it's like, this is my opener.

[2103] You know what I mean?

[2104] Have some fucking respect.

[2105] I didn't even want to go on.

[2106] Well, not only that, but to be your opener, to have that be your first time ever on stage, that's insane.

[2107] But she didn't stop.

[2108] And what she's not doing, three, four sets a night.

[2109] Yeah.

[2110] To this day.

[2111] She hustles.

[2112] To this day.

[2113] She's at the mothership, too.

[2114] There isn't a crowd I've seen her bomb in front of.

[2115] She kills every time all the time.

[2116] My other favorite opener was Jim Norton that the first time he opened for me. And I put her right next to him, you know, as my two favorite openers ever.

[2117] Because I actually got when we were in Canada recently, so I only normally do one show a night.

[2118] Because I don't want to rush the crowd out.

[2119] They pay a high ticket price to see me. So I like giving him time I like digging into the bitch And coming up with stuff And it's not the day to laugh to die I want to kill them I want them to walk out and go I never saw anybody like this He's better today than he was 30 fucking Well we got a chance to see you Me and Norton and a couple other folks Anthony and who else was with us We got to see you at the Riviera That was like one of the last That was very nostalgic for me Because that was I loved that place I think oh I loved the Riv There wasn't that many I think you were one of the last shows there before they shut down.

[2120] I think they demolished it.

[2121] Didn't they demolished Riviera?

[2122] Yeah, they took it down.

[2123] Hey, I got to get out of here soon.

[2124] So do you want to play some of these videos and tell me what led you to these fucking insane videos?

[2125] You talked about the day the laughter died.

[2126] Yes.

[2127] Okay, that's on an album.

[2128] Right.

[2129] All right.

[2130] So all the years, people come away at dice.

[2131] Can I get a picture?

[2132] Right, right, right.

[2133] And it's good to meet people that are fans of yours.

[2134] And now and then I put one up in these videos.

[2135] But I was like, why don't I just do the day the laughter died live?

[2136] I don't look for the fan.

[2137] I look for the guy that runs away from me. You know, I'm telling you, we're doing pitches now on a whole show based on the day the laughter died, you know, which is called the famous face.

[2138] Because I could come over to anybody.

[2139] I love it There was a girl in Florida I don't know if we have her And these are people that don't know me You know, there's nothing better Than failing with a fan Where they're looking at you going I won't, what?

[2140] It plays some of them We got a ton of it Yeah, put the headphones on so we get here Yeah, I got to hear I want to see what I sent you even Oh, this is, okay Really?

[2141] Really?

[2142] Joey from Christian Singles, how are you going?

[2143] I don't think so, Joey.

[2144] Not, you...

[2145] What?

[2146] All right, hold that for a minute.

[2147] I'm going to tell you about that.

[2148] Okay.

[2149] So I do like to come up with, like Joey from Christian Single.

[2150] Now, that woman's at a bus stop waiting for a bus got to Brooklyn.

[2151] So I know these are Brooklyn people.

[2152] And I know this woman has been dealing.

[2153] with guys like Joey her whole fucking life.

[2154] So I know before I even, and I'm with my girlfriend's in the background, like we look for targets, I call him, that I'm looking at this woman, and I'm like, watch this, watch this.

[2155] I know she's going to hate me. But her response was so quick.

[2156] That's how quick people are when they grow up like that.

[2157] The minute I said, Rita, Joey, from Christian Singh, the speed of her just looking at me, You just know she, I don't think so, Joey.

[2158] You know what I mean?

[2159] She shut you the fuck down.

[2160] Show it again.

[2161] Show that one again.

[2162] I love that.

[2163] That's one of my favorites.

[2164] There is something magical about those people.

[2165] Oh, and you've got to have guts to go over to people.

[2166] Trust me. They're fucking strangers.

[2167] Let's find another one because we've got to wrap this up.

[2168] Okay, let's find another.

[2169] Find another one.

[2170] We don't have to play a second.

[2171] But I enjoy these deeply.

[2172] Some of them are so uncomfortable because they go for so long.

[2173] Oh, this guy's great.

[2174] This is an L .A. All right.

[2175] This is called a show.

[2176] All right, I don't normally do this, but you guys seem like her guys.

[2177] Yeah.

[2178] All right, you ready?

[2179] Yeah.

[2180] Funny.

[2181] Omar, the hubby, went to the cupboard to get her old dog of bone, right?

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] She bent over.

[2184] Oh, sorry.

[2185] Right?

[2186] Yeah.

[2187] You know.

[2188] Yeah.

[2189] Well, I was listening.

[2190] Sorry.

[2191] No, like the bone of her own.

[2192] The bone of her own.

[2193] What do you want me to do?

[2194] All right, give him a third one.

[2195] Give him a third one, please.

[2196] I love these so much.

[2197] They're so uncomfortable.

[2198] Oh, this guy looks amazing.

[2199] This guy looks amazing.

[2200] Oh, no, no, no. Play that one, though.

[2201] Play that one.

[2202] This is great.

[2203] Okay.

[2204] I don't believe it.

[2205] Billy, how you doing?

[2206] This is so.

[2207] Give me a heart.

[2208] This is so, because I never got to see you in concert.

[2209] You know what I mean?

[2210] So this is like a trail to me. I don't know.

[2211] And, like, I only need three songs from you tonight.

[2212] I know you're going to do a lot, but, like, just the way we was, that's one of them, right?

[2213] And the uptown girl thing.

[2214] Oh, how we, you know, the rain, we made it through the rain that day.

[2215] No what?

[2216] That ain't me. What do you mean that?

[2217] That's not my stuff.

[2218] We made it through.

[2219] No, that's Barry Maloney.

[2220] No, I'm just saying.

[2221] I know.

[2222] You're just saying.

[2223] It ain't me. No, I'm just going to go sit and wait.

[2224] You know what I mean?

[2225] No, thanks for your time.

[2226] Okay.

[2227] You don't do that ever?

[2228] Like, for no reason.

[2229] Like, man, I'm right.

[2230] Did he get mad at you for that?

[2231] Do you see like the girl?

[2232] Who's the girl?

[2233] The heavy, that girl to the right.

[2234] This isn't, watch.

[2235] Okay.

[2236] I just.

[2237] Joey Pineapple from Christian singles?

[2238] Joey Pineapple from Christian.

[2239] Here are the glasses.

[2240] She shut you up.

[2241] So what happens on the internet is that the fans, my real fans, get really pissed off at these people going, how do New Yorkers not fucking know that this is dice?

[2242] Well, you're in a costume.

[2243] Well, look at the glasses.

[2244] It's like a windshield.

[2245] Yeah, you can't even see your face.

[2246] But also, now and then, I do put up a real fan because.

[2247] You know, I can't have people think nobody knows me. You know what I mean?

[2248] So I, like, destroy my own career by doing this.

[2249] So we're trying to sell that show.

[2250] And so I just want to tell you about it with Doug Allen because it meant because of these shots I've had in my life that, like I said, he was getting ready to do.

[2251] And trust me, none of these people asked me to talk about it.

[2252] I'm talking about it because it meant the world to me and because we've talked about my acting, you know.

[2253] And so when they were doing the last, this is why I told you how great I thought you were.

[2254] When they were doing the last season of Entourage, I meet with Doug at the Soho House, and he goes, listen, he goes, tell me what's been going on in your life.

[2255] I haven't seen you a lot, you know.

[2256] And I told him, it's been tough.

[2257] That was a really downtime.

[2258] I never hurt for making a living because of all the millions of people I entertain.

[2259] or there's always a core audience.

[2260] But I wasn't up there where I was at top of mind type of thing.

[2261] So he goes, listen to me. He goes, I'm just going to tell you the truth.

[2262] I remember where I was when the Dangerfield Special Ed.

[2263] He goes, to me, you're the greatest comic ever hands down.

[2264] He goes, I'm giving you the last season of Entourage.

[2265] And he goes, and that's going to air and wait until you see.

[2266] knew that I loved acting.

[2267] He goes, wait till you see where your career goes.

[2268] And the minute that thing aired, it was like the Rodney special.

[2269] Number one, I did a special right after it called Indestructible that I had my sons that have still rebel band, you know, opened the show and they got to play one of their songs and they were phenomenal.

[2270] And I know we're wrapping up, but they're called it Still Rebel Band.

[2271] People could go and look at them, but they're great.

[2272] great musicians and so that was a thrill to do the special with my family and have Eleanor open and bring them on and they bring me on and from that here comes Woody Allen.

[2273] Did you, would Woody Allen ever think of giving Dice a movie and everybody thought I was going to be nominated for this movie with Kate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins and Bobby Connaval that's how we became friends.

[2274] So I started working and doing what I originally set out to do in the acting field all the way to working with Scorsese, the greatest.

[2275] And then the biggest thing I did was a star was born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.

[2276] And, you know, I would just say, I'm finally after all, everything I've gone through, all these fights.

[2277] and because I didn't back down from it and I did go after it and I'm not trying even though I love the Rocky movies it is true that you have to push forward and not back up and not just oh woe is me type of fucking thing and go after the dream and believe in it and I've gotten to work with the greatest actors, actresses, directors all the way to date even doing you know working with Sebastian Stan in the new, when they did the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu recently.

[2278] And I'm going, this was the dream.

[2279] That was the dream.

[2280] Not the stand -up.

[2281] That was something I just started getting good at working on myself.

[2282] So even - If you had to choose between one or the other, you would take the actor.

[2283] Right now?

[2284] Yeah.

[2285] I would choose stand -up because I have been having, see, I do two types of shows.

[2286] I play, you know, I do the big.

[2287] stages still, like Atlantic City.

[2288] I'm booked for all those.

[2289] I'm doing, because Diaz, he does Sony Hall, so I'm doing two shows there in June.

[2290] I just don't know the exact, I think 16th and 17th of June.

[2291] I'm going to Hawaii.

[2292] But my favorite shows are the club dice shows, like I'm doing for you tomorrow.

[2293] Because that's how it all started.

[2294] And the fans coming to see that are fans that did sit in the shitty seats, you know, in Section 200, where I'm the size of an ant, and they're going, all right, so, you know, for a hundred bucks, I could come in, grab a couple beers and sit 20 seat away from Dice and watch them work, you know, and I just love it so much, and I feel I'm better at stand -up than I've ever been in my life because I got 45 years experience.

[2295] Yeah.

[2296] Like even, you know, when Starbucks started the whole thing.

[2297] about plastic, this fucking asshole who built a career I think that's what I was doing at the Rive when I said, just talk about what people understand.

[2298] Yeah.

[2299] You know, talk about getting older.

[2300] Talk about waking up.

[2301] You can't feel your fucking feet.

[2302] You open your eyes and you go, my fucking net, fuck that guy with the pillow.

[2303] You know, and I go, talk about what people relate to.

[2304] So when that happened, and I'm going, no more plastic straws.

[2305] What about the cup?

[2306] I go, the fish are good with the cup, but, you know, somehow my straw is choking Moby fucking dick to death, you know, and I'm eating cardboard out of the cup now.

[2307] So it's just real stuff.

[2308] People relate to, like when I talk about the sex, and I'm not going to go into routines, but I'm just saying being real on stage.

[2309] So what you're saying is you're having fun.

[2310] I'm having a blast with this, you know, and I'm doing too much, actually.

[2311] Where are you working out primarily?

[2312] All over the country.

[2313] Like I just did...

[2314] You're showing places and just going out?

[2315] Yeah, I just did Edmonton.

[2316] I just did Minneapolis.

[2317] I just did Arizona.

[2318] Right.

[2319] That's what you're performing.

[2320] I'm going to Dallas next.

[2321] Are you working out anywhere?

[2322] Are you going up at the store?

[2323] Are you going up anywhere?

[2324] No, because I've been in New York mostly.

[2325] So sometimes I stop in at the cellar.

[2326] But I'm working and doing so many fucking shows with Illinois.

[2327] I mean, it's just like, Look at this hotel room.

[2328] You know, it's every city, the hotel.

[2329] That's what I can't take, the travel.

[2330] Yeah.

[2331] You know what I mean?

[2332] And I do deal with a lot with the fucking palsy face.

[2333] And like I said, it looks good, but it bothered.

[2334] The stiffness, you know, gets to me. And, you know, you go to a town.

[2335] You want to work out.

[2336] Well, there's a gym in the hotel.

[2337] And it's, I mean, your gym is one thing, you know, but I like to have the routine, you know.

[2338] But I love it.

[2339] entertaining the people, and I love, you know, like I said, I love the club dice shows.

[2340] I love the concerts, but, you know, and I'm not doing, I'll do up to, I don't know, 2 ,500 seats will be about the max I'll do, you know, but 300 seat is, 200 seed is the best.

[2341] I could go for two hours in those places, you know, because the audience is eating up.

[2342] Like I could imagine, you know, I know he's gone, but if Elvis was alive, and doing little concerts, you know, in 500 scenes, I'd be there.

[2343] Yeah.

[2344] I'd want to see that.

[2345] Well, I think all the best comics agree that doing the clubs is kind of important.

[2346] It's everything.

[2347] You can't just do big places, and there's something about doing the clubs.

[2348] Like, there's an intimacy.

[2349] There's a lack of bullshit.

[2350] Joey, let me. It tightens up your material.

[2351] I'm going to tell you, when I was doing all those arenas, and I know you do them now, I started getting claustrophobic, right?

[2352] After about three years, it was hard to take.

[2353] So I get a call because I became great friends with Axel Rose and Guns and Roses.

[2354] So Axel calls me, and he's talking like common sense to me. Because he goes, I want you to open for me at the Rose Bowl, in between Metallica and us.

[2355] You know, I need you to open the show.

[2356] And I'm like, you know, I love you.

[2357] You're going to kill it.

[2358] I go, I can't do that anymore.

[2359] I go, it's too many people.

[2360] He goes, dice.

[2361] You just come out and look at the sky.

[2362] It'll be great.

[2363] And this is Axel, who's been called Nutty, you know, talking common sense.

[2364] I go, you're right.

[2365] It's outside.

[2366] Now, you're talking about a show.

[2367] It was 104, over 100 ,000 people, 104 ,000, a little more than that.

[2368] and Metallica just did two hours and I'm backstage with the camera and the cameras were big back then and I'm filming Slash and he looks up and he goes who's behind the camera and go it's dice I was just thinking like what are you going to say when you go out there?

[2369] Oh that's really helping man 104 ,000 people let me tell you number one it was one the greatest moments in my entire career, you know, and I walked out to a queen, we will rock you.

[2370] So the drum beats playing, you know, boom, boom, the minute I walked out, I could have done two hours.

[2371] The whole stadium stood up for me. I got a chill.

[2372] It was unreal, and afterwards, they have after parties that are bigger than most concerts, and it's always a theme, and it was Casablanca, okay, with a 16 -piece orchestra.

[2373] And I would always tease Matt Surum about you're a good drummer, but you know, you play rock and roll.

[2374] That's a pretty simple, basic shit, you know.

[2375] But I would tease him because he's obviously a great, great rock drummer.

[2376] And all Axel wanted to do after the show was just hang with me instead of a little table with him and my girl and his girl.

[2377] And Surum is over there.

[2378] And I go, all right, all right.

[2379] let's put this all to rest, and I go over to the band, which is a big, you got Marilyn Monroe's walking around, Humphrey Bogots walking around, you know.

[2380] And I go over to the band leader, and I go, do you have the chart for Sing, Sing, Sing, which is a Benny Goodman song that the drums play a big part?

[2381] I'm sure you, dan, dan, dan, you know the song, right?

[2382] So there's a big drum solo in that, like a Tom, Tom, Tom, big thing.

[2383] and I get behind the set and I go nuts on the solo like real big on the Tom Town like Gene Kruper type of drumming and afterwards they come over and I hand sir them the sticks and I go, show me when you could do that because I'm playing the entire arrangement by heart.

[2384] The whole band is reading it off the chart I just know the song and I know how it goes and to experience that kind of moment is unreal, you know, and then, you know, I don't think you would know this, but I was very, I helped put that band back together.

[2385] That's why they're out there.

[2386] Really?

[2387] My son, Max, when he started playing drums, he was 11 years old at 15.

[2388] He goes, Dad, you know, because he knew I was close with the band.

[2389] He goes, you know you're the only one that could put that band back together.

[2390] I go, why?

[2391] Why me?

[2392] He goes, because you don't gain anything.

[2393] I go, what do you mean?

[2394] He goes, you don't want anything.

[2395] And I didn't, you know.

[2396] I said, well, we'll see, maybe one day.

[2397] So now, years later, I'm touring Australia.

[2398] And the minute I got there at the hotel I was staying at, their slash having breakfast and sitting out on the porch, on the rooftop of this, whatever city I was in in Australia.

[2399] that I landed in the main city.

[2400] Sydney, Melbourne, Sydney.

[2401] So I come over behind him, I go, yeah, because I was still smoking back then.

[2402] Mind if I smoke?

[2403] He goes, yeah, and he goes, nice.

[2404] And he gets all excited, and we start talking.

[2405] So now it gets to a part, he says, I said, so what happened with the band?

[2406] Why is it?

[2407] What are you doing here?

[2408] He goes, well, I'm playing the Star Spangled Banner at the football game.

[2409] today.

[2410] And I look at him, I go, really?

[2411] That's what you did a 17 -hour flight for?

[2412] I go, that's big.

[2413] And he goes, what's wrong with that?

[2414] I go, you had the greatest rock band in the world.

[2415] What happened?

[2416] He goes, well, I did hear Axel's been showing up for his shows at the hard rock in Vegas.

[2417] I said, yeah, I closed the last one for him.

[2418] I opened the last one for him at the joint in Vegas.

[2419] And I go, so wait a minute.

[2420] So you mean to tell me this band is not together?

[2421] Millions of new fans.

[2422] Forget the old fans.

[2423] Don't get to hear the band because probably one of the top three greatest frontmen ever shows up late for some of the shows.

[2424] And that's why you took a 17 -hour fucking flight to play their fucking national anthem like an asshole.

[2425] and he starts laughing.

[2426] Okay, so now a minute.

[2427] I come back to the States.

[2428] I called Duff, who I was more friendly with than the whole band and ask him to come check out my sons on Burbank Boulevard.

[2429] They were playing a club.

[2430] And so he comes with his wife.

[2431] And the band was really tight at that time.

[2432] This is before pandemic, you know.

[2433] And he stayed through the whole city.

[2434] set because let me tell you something with a rock star if they don't like what they're hearing we got to get home we got a babysitter you know the deal yeah if you see a shit comic i i got to go i got to be up six more right okay he turns around to me he goes they're ready you know he loved the band that's awesome and he's sitting this close to where my son dillon is playing lead guitar and singing which dylan couldn't get past it was amazing i wouldn't be able to do it you know the next day we go to Starbucks.

[2435] It's me, him, Tom Mayhew, who was the road manager, and my son Max, who's the drummer in our band.

[2436] And so we're talking about the next move to put G &R back together.

[2437] So Tom is like, well, the thing is, every time Slash puts out a tweet, it's always condescending.

[2438] I said, well, that's what's got.

[2439] to get fixed because Duff was all all in you know he's just a regular great guy one of the greatest base players I love him and um so now slash puts out the tweet that Axel's one of the greatest you know next thing you know I'm at the troubadour with my sons and the VIP seeing their first show ever where Axel you know broke his ankle during that show and kept going nobody knew he broke you know he fell off the the uh the fucking speaker that he stands on but it always just brings me a lot of joy that they put that band back together because they're so incredible you know it's like millions of people at the troubadour yeah i was at that show i was in the balcony we could all thank dice you know well the only one i ever talked to about was uh rolling stone i never needed, you know, really people to know that, I just get a lot of joy because my sons know.

[2440] Listen, it's great.

[2441] I'm a giant fan.

[2442] They're fucking awesome.

[2443] They were fucking awesome.

[2444] That was my favorite lifting music.

[2445] Welcome to the jungle.

[2446] Exactly.

[2447] Jungle, Paradise City.

[2448] Yeah, oh my God.

[2449] Sweet child of mine.

[2450] Come on, man. There's some jams.

[2451] Guys, I got to wrap this up.

[2452] All right, let's wrap it up.

[2453] I got to get out of here.

[2454] I appreciate you.

[2455] I love you very much.

[2456] Thank you for coming here.

[2457] Let's go.

[2458] I got to leave, too.

[2459] Nice Clay, ladies and gentlemen.

[2460] Yeah, me and Jerry are going to go eat.

[2461] All right.

[2462] Bye, everybody.

[2463] Take care.