Sean and the Snapping Turtle

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[4] Hey, Sean, meet Conan and Sona.

[5] Hey, Sean.

[6] Hey, Conan, hey, Sona.

[7] Hey, Sean, how are you?

[8] I'm well, Conan, how are you?

[9] I'm doing really well.

[10] First of all, a couple of questions for you.

[11] You're a good -looking fellow.

[12] Look at it.

[13] He's got a nice beard.

[14] Yeah.

[15] Tell us what you...

[16] Tell us a little bit about yourself.

[17] Sean, where are you right now?

[18] Well, I'm in Halifax, Nova Scotia, in Canada.

[19] Is it cold up there right now?

[20] We just had a huge snowstorm, and it just melted today.

[21] We had a temperature swing of 20 degrees Celsius, so we've lost our snow.

[22] Okay.

[23] All right.

[24] Well, I love it up there.

[25] I love up north.

[26] I don't think I've been to Nova Scotia.

[27] I don't believe I've ever been there.

[28] I've been many places, but I have to get up there.

[29] Would I be welcome in Nova Scotia?

[30] Do you think, Sean?

[31] You'd be very welcome.

[32] It's a very Irish culture, Scottish, mix of everything.

[33] Sounds horrible.

[34] We're the worst.

[35] Lots of famine.

[36] Oh, good.

[37] There you go.

[38] Oh, now I'm feeling right at home.

[39] Irish, Scottish, not enough potatoes to go around.

[40] Now, what do you do, Sean?

[41] Tell me about yourself.

[42] What does Sean do with himself in his time?

[43] In my spare time, well, I'm a diver, an explorer.

[44] spending time in the ocean, lakes, rivers, doing cleanups on my own and looking for old stuff while I'm doing it.

[45] Wait a minute.

[46] So you're an underwater explorer.

[47] Yes.

[48] You're like the Indiana Jones of the undersea world.

[49] It belongs in a museum, as Indiana Jones would say.

[50] Yeah, that's so cool.

[51] Well, so are you going into lakes, streams, oceans, or all of the above?

[52] All of the above.

[53] Pretty much anything that I kind of take note of if I'm driving by or I'm just exploring or hiking somewhere.

[54] I'm like, I wonder what's in there?

[55] And then just my general curiosity will take me into a body water and then I'll just explore.

[56] So I never know what I'm going to come across, which has led to some pretty wild things.

[57] Well, I have to ask, what are some of the, tell us about some of the strange things that you have found in your underwater exploring up there in Nova Scotia.

[58] Yeah, sure.

[59] Well, in a remote fishing village, I found a full -on dildo.

[60] uh that's i wasn't able to return it to the original owner you know that's why i always encourage people write your name you got a label got to label your name on your dildo and a phone number is good yeah yeah so you found and when you found the dildo did you retrieve it from the bottom or to just leave it there i retrieved it because it's it doesn't belong it's not you know it's not like a true sea cucumber or anything like it's not a native dildo it's not a native dildo there are other there are other sea dildos swimming around and they're like you know it kind of ruins things to have that plastic dildo here what about what else have you found maybe hard to top the dildo but um i found like historic objects you know stuff because of because of Nova Scotia's proximity to Maine, Massachusetts, and, you know, England, I found like historic artifacts, like bottles like this that are called torpedo bottles.

[61] Oh, look at that bottle.

[62] Why is it shaped like a torpedo, do you think?

[63] So, yeah, so it actually had the name of the guy written on it who actually manufactured it and bottled it from the 1850s.

[64] And it was made, this is kind of before the advent of like bottles that were like stone, stoneware or glasses stood on their ends.

[65] And they made it so that the liquid would keep the carbon.

[66] nation and the cork wet so it would keep it from drying out and they would store them on ships and they would kind of like roll around and eventually they did away with bottles but they I mean it looks beautiful it's a beautiful looking bottle yeah it's pretty cool and it's one of the oldest bottles ever kind of made in Nova Scotia and I and I found it on a dive it was pretty cool and I found like stuff you know from American Civil War eras like you know or even pre -Civil war like American coins from 1846.

[67] You can't really tell on Zoom, but...

[68] No, I think that's a cookie.

[69] I think you found an Oreo, the first Oreo cookie, and then you got all excited.

[70] There was no president Oreo.

[71] What's like the scary?

[72] Have you ever found anything kind of scary down there?

[73] Yeah, a bleached white cabbage patch doll.

[74] Oh, my God.

[75] That's...

[76] So a cabbage patch doll and all the colors gone.

[77] and it's so it's all the colors gone and yeah I was on a dive it was probably like 25 feet down and I'm going down I have it on video because I have a GoPro that records my point of view while I'm doing this and so I go down and I do this free dive down and I pull this thing up don't even know what it is at the time and I get up to the surface and I just look at it and I go holy shit underwater and I throw it because it scared me is like you don't want to see anything humanoid looking back at you underwater to no you see those eyes look looking at you and it's bleached face and then it says where's my dildo you took my dildo i unlocked an ancient curse upon myself not the cat's bachelor for 40 years um my god sean i again apologies for my rampant foolishness what a quote thing to get into.

[78] And also, this seems like environmentally a good thing to do.

[79] You're going down.

[80] If you just see trash, you pick it up.

[81] Yeah, I just take everything with me. In the early days, I was just kind of taking bottles, but then I was like, well, if I'm recording this and putting it on my channel, YouTube and TikTok or whatever, and people are watching it, me glaze over other things, that doesn't look too good.

[82] So I started just, it took me a lot of work, but I would take everything with me and fill up my bag.

[83] And then I started taking pictures of all the trash and just putting it online and just sharing it and then it kind of took on a life of its own way beyond whatever I thought it was going to be and I'm just one person right doing it and it's been really cool but I like that there's a movement now people trying to figure out all these different ways to get plastic out of the ocean I I applaud anyone you mean obviously you're doing this on a small scale but this impetus to to clean up is I think very cool yeah and it's just a good way to spend my time I love being in the water I feel free there and I love of exploring the natural curiosity and so a place that has, unfortunately, it's 200 plus years of trash in every waterway, no matter where you go.

[84] But you never know if you're going to come across something cool like, you know, I've got skeleton keys or, you know, clay pipes.

[85] Actually, they brought this out for Sona because I know she likes the, you know, her name.

[86] Because of the gong.

[87] She likes the gong.

[88] And that's a cool.

[89] Would that still be, would that still be functioning?

[90] Oh, you're putting that in your mouth.

[91] It's been underwater.

[92] Yeah.

[93] Well, I cleaned.

[94] You can do as a cleaning process, but some of the old soot is still inside it from whoever would have smoked it 200 years ago, snapped it off.

[95] They were like this long, and then they would have broke it when the nicotine or the pipe got too small, and they would have checked the pipe.

[96] And so I found it perfect, you know, just as it was when whoever had it lasts.

[97] And yeah, it's cool.

[98] What about creatures?

[99] Are you afraid of any encountering any kind of creatures down there?

[100] Is that pretty, is there anything down there that would harm you?

[101] Well, sharks, obviously.

[102] Sharks are around Nova Scotia's waters because the water's getting warmer.

[103] And then we've got seals, snapping turtles.

[104] There's this big snapping turtle as kind of my nemesis right now in this river that I've been kind of working out.

[105] Oh, you've encountered this thing more than once?

[106] Yeah.

[107] I love that you have a nemesis.

[108] I love that you have a nemesis.

[109] You know what I mean?

[110] It's you.

[111] It's Ahab and the whale and it's you and the snapping, Sean and the snapping turtle.

[112] Yeah.

[113] It's just this.

[114] giant turtle that's just like in this river he's like as big as my torso.

[115] Oh my God.

[116] And it's like and if he takes a chunk out of me like it'll be my resting place in this river.

[117] You know what's so funny because they really do snap.

[118] I thought you meant he's just a turtle that snaps at you verbally.

[119] Yeah.

[120] Like that's like come on.

[121] What if there was a breed of snapping turtle that didn't bite at all?

[122] It was just like hey come on.

[123] Why are what are you doing?

[124] Jesus Christ.

[125] Hey, watch it, buddy.

[126] Take it easy.

[127] Now, wait a minute.

[128] Do you have any weapon with you?

[129] You might want to have a knife on you or something.

[130] I've got a knife in case I get tangled in any, like, lines or rope or anything like that.

[131] But I could definitely use it to kill this turtle.

[132] I don't want to.

[133] No, I don't.

[134] But, I mean, if the turtle starts to attack you, you want to be able to cut its head off.

[135] I mean, literally cut its whole head.

[136] off.

[137] Or if he has some well -timed berms at my expense.

[138] He's very passive -aggressive, snapping turtle.

[139] Oh, great idea, Sean.

[140] Why don't you find another broken pipe?

[141] That's a good use of your time.

[142] Hey, snapie sarcastic turtle.

[143] Well, do you have a question for me?

[144] Is there anything I can do to help you?

[145] Well, Conan, I was thinking, like you said at the beginning, if you haven't been to Scotia, if you ever make it up this way, if you ever would want to go for a dive with me and look for old bottles and do some...

[146] You know what's cool?

[147] I would be intrigued by that.

[148] I'll tell you something, Sean, that my fans or people that casual listeners may not know.

[149] I've never gone on a dive in my life.

[150] I love the water, snorkel, swim around, but I've never been certified to dive.

[151] I've never done that and I'm curious to try it.

[152] That's something I'd like to try.

[153] So I think that would be cool.

[154] you know and I could have your back with the snapping turtle I could have some witty comebacks like yeah maybe you maybe you first that's not a good one is that your best that's the best I could come up with it's like it's like the turtle's back he's hurting my feelings don't worry I got this maybe you oh no that good let's not pretend you wouldn't just swim away as fast as possible if you ever saw this turtle And just leave Sean just like Yeah, I would leave you behind Very quick When he came out to me I got out so fast I like I just peed right in my wetsuit And I was like so scared Did the urine eject you out of the water Guy as young as he would probably shot you right out Right onto the riverbank And split my wet suit into it Like a rocket It's a natural natural defense No I would do that I would take you up on that because I'd love to find something.

[155] I mean, I've never done it.

[156] How long would it take me to get certified?

[157] Does it take a couple of days?

[158] Well, yeah, you can do, like, depends if you want to do it with, you know.

[159] There's a lot of actually different ways to get certified as well, but there's also devices that you can, it's like a breathing system where they battery operated and you don't have to be a certified diver.

[160] You can, like, breathe through a hose from the surface and be at a depth of like 10 feet, which is kind of safe for equalization and stuff like that.

[161] So you could do something like that, or we could free dive or snorkel together.

[162] Is there a way where I could just wear a VR helmet and I'm in a four -season's hotel room eating crab cocktail and drinking chardonnay, but I'm kind of down there with you?

[163] Sure.

[164] Is that it so disappointed?

[165] I'm just in a big robe.

[166] Wow, this is fascinating, Sean.

[167] Conan, I thought we were going to the ocean.

[168] Why are we at this four -season?

[169] No, I'm there with you virtually.

[170] But then occasionally you hear me go, hold on a second.

[171] Yeah, hold on a second.

[172] My cupcakes are here.

[173] Just wheel that in.

[174] Now, is the tip included?

[175] Okay, here you go.

[176] All right.

[177] There you go.

[178] Thanks a lot.

[179] He's going to get attacked by a turtle right now.

[180] You're being killed by a turtle.

[181] And what you hear through your head said is, no, no, no. These are vanilla and chocolate.

[182] I just want a chocolate.

[183] All right.

[184] Well, let's get that fucking stuff straightened out.

[185] Quick question, Sean.

[186] Do you have a, does your girlfriend or your partner?

[187] Do you have someone in your life and did they approve of this?

[188] My wife, Ruth, she does approve of it and she supports me, but she's not a big fan of the water herself.

[189] So whenever I go out, there's a bit of like, is he going to come back kind of thing?

[190] Wow.

[191] Wow, she doesn't, I got to admit, Sean, she doesn't seem that concerned.

[192] She's going to come back?

[193] Are you concerned?

[194] Sorry, she might come back, but she might not.

[195] Is she there?

[196] She might say hi.

[197] Hi.

[198] How are you?

[199] Hi.

[200] That's Ruth.

[201] Hi, Ruth.

[202] You're very beautiful, Ruth.

[203] It's very nice to see you.

[204] And you don't like to go in the water with Sean, do you?

[205] Not as much.

[206] No, the first time I went snorkeling with him, I realized how terrified I was of what was underneath the water.

[207] Yeah.

[208] It's a great date.

[209] Yeah.

[210] So you kind of loathe what your husband does with his time.

[211] You hate it.

[212] Do I hate what he does?

[213] Yeah.

[214] I, you know what, I want him to.

[215] do what he's passionate about so i try not to stand in the way of it however that being said there have been times when he was out diving and like there was actually recently a time when there was a lightning struck out behind our property like i had watched the bolt hit the ground out behind our like on our property and felt the ground shake and so and sean was out in the river at that time so i was like detecting him and like trying to call and be like hey like are you live I was off fighting a turtle.

[216] Yeah, but, yeah.

[217] And also, you know, you'd find someone else very quickly.

[218] Come on, come in.

[219] I'm just beautiful.

[220] You know, there's a lot of, hey, if we've learned one thing, there's a lot of fish in the sea.

[221] Oh, no. Look who's behind you?

[222] That's my son, Jackson just walked in.

[223] Who's that guy?

[224] That's my son, Jackson, he's 11.

[225] Jackson, sorry.

[226] Why did Jackson walk in just as I was in?

[227] invoking your untimely demise.

[228] Jackson, your father's gonna be fine.

[229] Do you like to go underwater, Jackson?

[230] Do you like to go underwater with me?

[231] Yes, like one time.

[232] Wait, there's another kid.

[233] Who's that guy?

[234] That's my son, Owen.

[235] That's what?

[236] How do you have time to go in the water?

[237] You have like 30 kids.

[238] They just keep wandering in.

[239] Come on.

[240] Hey, let's get them all in here now.

[241] Let's just make sure.

[242] Is this it?

[243] So we got Jackson and Owen?

[244] Yeah, Jackson and Owen, yeah.

[245] My boys and our daughters, our daughter Zoe, who's upstairs.

[246] When actually she found out I was going to be on your show, she asked if you were some kind of TikTok guy.

[247] I was the TikTok guy of the 90s.

[248] Yeah, that's what I said.

[249] Yeah, you know, back, that's probably a long time ago ago to these kids.

[250] These are very nice looking kids and very interested in clearly, you know, being in the room.

[251] And yeah, that's a, that's a torpedo bottle.

[252] Jackson or is that Owen They were excited That was sorry, that was Owen That was Jackson That's Owen No, let me tell you who's here The one next to you is Owen The other one's Jackson Yes He's teasing it up Oh my God, look at him He's how I recognize that kid That kid's gonna be a late night host In 12 years Oh no!

[253] And never know the true love of a woman It's all of our fate Okay, I'm definitely listening to Conan O 'Brien for his sleeping time.

[254] Oh, my God.

[255] He just pissed me. Diss me. Hey, trust me, that looks like that's my nemesis.

[256] You have the snapping turtle.

[257] I have Owen just looming out of the deep.

[258] Comes out of nowhere and just blows me apart with this podcast will put you to sleep.

[259] I have to get Conan.

[260] I've got one more kid.

[261] Oh, my God.

[262] That's my daughter, Zoe.

[263] Hi, Zoe.

[264] How are you?

[265] My family.

[266] Okay, well.

[267] Oh, you want to say hi?

[268] Oh, my God.

[269] It's just incredible.

[270] It's amazing.

[271] I have the feeling that there's just more kids being, like, just coming out of some machine.

[272] I'm just going to keep filling the room with kids.

[273] This is hilarious.

[274] They're coming out of the rivers.

[275] Yeah, exactly.

[276] He found them.

[277] I find a lot of things in the rivers.

[278] Kids.

[279] Turtles.

[280] You've never.

[281] None of these children are biologically yours.

[282] They just, you found them.

[283] You found them in different bottles at the bottom of the ocean.

[284] Well, you have a lovely family, Sean.

[285] You have much to appreciate.

[286] But I can also see why occasionally you want to go sit at the bottom of a river.

[287] Because there are 30 kids in your room.

[288] And you get a little peace and quiet.

[289] And there they go.

[290] And there they go.

[291] All right.

[292] Well, Sean, really nice talking to you.

[293] You too, Conan.

[294] You're expanding family.

[295] and be safe and I think yeah that's it for you enough kids that's enough oh the door's open again they're coming in again they heard you let's get out all right see you later sean bye see you guys Conan o 'brien needs a friend with Conan o 'brien sonum of sessian and matt goarly produced by me Matt Goreley.

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