MFM Minisode 249

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hello.

[2] And welcome.

[3] To my favorite murder.

[4] The minisode.

[5] Don't worry about it.

[6] Come on, no big deal.

[7] It's so big.

[8] Why are you making such a fuss?

[9] So what if we have the same shirts on for four weeks in a row?

[10] Do you care?

[11] Oh, yeah.

[12] If you're listening to this, you can also be watching this on the fan cult.

[13] That's just $40 a year and you get all kinds of perks, including looking at our clothes.

[14] Way to upsell.

[15] Thank you.

[16] Including You want me to go first this time?

[17] Sure.

[18] Watch this.

[19] Hey, gang.

[20] Thank you, Gals, so much for the amazing podcast.

[21] It never fails to make me smile.

[22] And then in parentheses, which is well appreciated up here in cold, dark Alaska.

[23] Ooh, Alaska.

[24] Ooh.

[25] I'm a long time listener, and when I heard you gals talk about the danger of going on cruises, it made me have to write in this story.

[26] Yes, cruise stories.

[27] Cruise stories.

[28] I live in Jeuneau, Alaska, which is the state capital.

[29] Oh, Alaska.

[30] I'm pretty sure it is.

[31] Please write in to tell me it's not.

[32] I live in Jeunoe, Alaska, which is a popular destination for many tourists who come via cruise ship in the summer.

[33] In fact, there are so many cruise ships that they create a large wall that blocks our view the ocean.

[34] Oh, come on.

[35] That sucks.

[36] It's this world.

[37] Like, what are we doing?

[38] Yeah.

[39] What are we doing?

[40] What are we doing?

[41] That summer, I was working in a food truck that was stationed on the dock right in the center of all the action.

[42] One day, I was working my shift just like any other day.

[43] Suddenly there was an overwhelming sound of sirens, and then we saw many first responders vehicles, including an ambulance headed toward one of the cruise ships, which was surprising since nothing like this ever happens here.

[44] So you can imagine that the whole town later loses their minds when they found out that a Utah man murdered his wife on that cruise ship and had attempted to throw her body off the balcony.

[45] Apparently they'd gotten into a fight and she told him that she wanted a divorce and then he beat her in the head until she was unconscious.

[46] Their daughter heard the screams from the other cabin and called the police.

[47] That's awful.

[48] Then when the police got into the state room, they found him trying to throw her body off the balcony of the ship.

[49] The EMTs tried to resuscitate her, but she had already died from blunt force trauma.

[50] He's now in jail.

[51] And when they took him to trial, he is noted as saying, quote, my life is ruined.

[52] Oh, is that?

[53] Oh, wait, you'll like this next line.

[54] And it's like, yeah, that's your own fault, asshole.

[55] Ah, right?

[56] I do like that.

[57] Right?

[58] Perfectly put, he was sentenced to 30 years in prison, but this July, he was recently found dead.

[59] The Department of Corrections say that no foul play is suspected and that his death is not COVID -19 related.

[60] Anyway, best wishes from Alaskan murderino, stay sexy and don't go on cruise ships, Leo.

[61] Wow.

[62] That's so sad.

[63] That's horrifying.

[64] And cruise ships are like tiny towns.

[65] on the water.

[66] So, like, having gone on a cruise with my parents, you, like, get to know the people because you just keep seeing the same people for the seven days or whatever you're on it for.

[67] Like being with your neighbors constantly.

[68] Yes.

[69] It's so horrifying and intense that that would take place in such a, like, public.

[70] And then the daughter, that's why.

[71] I know.

[72] It's horrible.

[73] Poor lady.

[74] Okay.

[75] This one's called, I lived in Wichita, Kansas, and it was very fucked up.

[76] and then it just says Wichita just in case which I appreciate but actually that's one I know Wichita A phonetic spelling of Wichita Wichita That's how bad we have been That's not necessary Yeah K and G and Co When I was a young child My family lived in Wichita, Kansas for a few years And thankfully I do not remember most of it There were constant tornadoes There were frequent and ominous gatherings of crows in our backyard.

[77] There was a little boy down the street who accused me at giving chocolate to his dog.

[78] I did not, JFC.

[79] What's JFC?

[80] Just for clarification.

[81] Just for clarification.

[82] Jesus fucking Christ.

[83] Jesus fucking Christ for clarification.

[84] There was Dennis Raider on the loose.

[85] Jesus for clarification.

[86] Jesus for clarification.

[87] What would Jesus clarify?

[88] What would Jesus clarify?

[89] I am not homophobic.

[90] I am not anti -women.

[91] I never said shit about that.

[92] Actually, you guys put that in there.

[93] You people are in the wrong.

[94] You have taken my words and twisted them to your uses.

[95] That's right.

[96] The ultimate sin and you will burn.

[97] Yes, there is no forgiveness for that.

[98] Anyway, there was Dennis Rader on the loose, and of course, he was a friend of a family friend.

[99] This isn't about that.

[100] There was Wichita Massacre Killing Spree that took the lives of five and included a badass woman who survived being shot execution style and subsequently being run over by a truck because her plastic barrette deflected the bullet.

[101] Oh my God.

[102] She stayed real fucking sexy.

[103] However, a gentle reader, in light of the recent patriarchal man handling of body autonomy in the state I claim as my real home, Texas, I want to share the story of Dr. George Tiller.

[104] Tiller was a medical student planning to do his residency in dermatology when he heard of a story of a woman who died during an illegally performed abortion and he decided to instead dedicate his career to protecting women's right to bodily autonomy.

[105] He was a pioneering physician of late -term abortions in cases where giving birth or continuing pregnancy would cause, quote, substantial and irreversible impairment to his patient.

[106] He was also in recovery for substance abuse, which is unrelated but deserves mentioning because that is championship.

[107] In 1986, his clinic was firebombs, and in 1993, he was shot five times by a radical anti -abortion activist and survived.

[108] Dr. Tiller attended Reformation Lutheran Church, the same church my family attended when we lived in Wichita.

[109] My mom remembers hurting my brother and I, who are both very young, into church under a barrage of verbal attacks from the anti -abortion activist that came every Sunday to protest because they never learned to mind their goddamn business.

[110] And then this isn't bold.

[111] Seriously, who the fuck yells at a six -year -old on the Sabbath?

[112] That's insane.

[113] Yeah.

[114] The protesters were never allowed on the premises, and the church maintained security precautions to prevent violence or disturbances during the service.

[115] However, in 2009, Dr. Tiller was shot and killed in the church foyer while he was serving as an usher one Sunday.

[116] My family had moved away a few years earlier, so we were not there, but my mother says that she is haunted by the image in her mind of Dr. Tiller's blood on the tiled floor of the foyer mingling with the dappling colored light projected through the stained glass window over the entrance of the church.

[117] Today, the abortion clinic closes to the Texas, Oklahoma border that is serving many people who must now travel out of state to receive the care that they need is operated by the Trust Women Foundation, which also operates Dr. Tiller's former clinic in Wichita.

[118] stay sexy and avoid Wichita if you can and also support the hell out of people with uteruses are she, her, hers.

[119] Wow.

[120] Yeah, it's so intense.

[121] So intense.

[122] But we're still fucking fighting the fight for our own goddamn autonomy over our fucking bodies.

[123] And also that people would actually call themselves pro -life that are doing shit like that.

[124] Right.

[125] It's just, it's a very, it's a very, it, indicates a hypocrisy and a contradiction and a lack of reason because they don't believe their own like stance.

[126] Yeah.

[127] They don't actually believe it.

[128] They have no respect for life.

[129] And they have no respect for other people.

[130] That's right.

[131] And it's insanity.

[132] It's a little misrepresentation of morality and what it means to support your fellow human and it's fucking utter bullshit.

[133] And it's terrorism.

[134] It's fucking terrorism.

[135] Yeah.

[136] Horrifying.

[137] Wow, I like, that was a good email.

[138] You know your history.

[139] Yeah.

[140] The subject line of this email is, what's in your freezer?

[141] Oh, no. I did the line reading like, what's in your wallet.

[142] I know, I liked it.

[143] Thanks.

[144] That was for free.

[145] Let's get Crackin.

[146] I grew up in the midside city of La Crosse, Wisconsin.

[147] When I was 10 years old, two of my classmates were messing around in the yard of what seemed to be an abandoned home.

[148] To their surprise, a man barged through the door, an aggressive.

[149] confronted the boys.

[150] Luckily, they fled immediately and notified their parents.

[151] Later that day, when the mom and dad of one of the boys confronted the man about the incident, he opened fire at the parents who escaped with only mild injuries.

[152] Ultimately, this led to an overnight standoff between the man and the La Crosse Police Department.

[153] As the sun rose the next morning, he finally gave up.

[154] Upon searching his home, they found he was in possession of numerous illegal guns and homemade explosives.

[155] But these were the least of the news reports at the time because in the basement freezer, police found, drum roll please, a woman's body frozen in a block of ice.

[156] Further investigation revealed that the man's name was Phillips Schuth.

[157] His mother died three to five years earlier and he had kept her body in this freezer in order to prevent being framed for murder, quote unquote, as he collected her social security checks.

[158] While in prison, the city of lacrosse ran wild with this story.

[159] T -shirts and car magnets were sold depicting a chest freezer with an old woman's manicured nails hanging out.

[160] Oh, God.

[161] These items had the phrases what's in your freezer and my mom is cooler than your mom imprinted on them.

[162] Seriously, these items were everywhere.

[163] Oh, my God.

[164] In an attempt to wrap this long story up, there are many layers to this case and it is definitely worth a deeper read if your curiosity has been sparked.

[165] And sorry for the links.

[166] the story much love Q. You got to love stories out of Wisconsin, though, because like in our last many said, I was talking shit on Florida, as everyone does, very hacky of me. But Wisconsin comes through time after time with the creepy story.

[167] Totally.

[168] And the horrifying.

[169] It's like under the radar, hey, raider.

[170] Polite Midwest version of Florida.

[171] They're not on as many sites.

[172] Mycotropic drugs, I think there's just much more.

[173] They just have eaten so much, so many funeral potato casseroles that they are in a days.

[174] There's a lot of cheat, what they call a cheese euphoria that's going on in that state.

[175] That's not made up at all.

[176] Okay, this is called The Three Drunketeers.

[177] You know, I love a drunk children hometown.

[178] Oh, hell yes.

[179] This is the good one for this week.

[180] When y 'all ask for hometowns about getting drunk as a kid, I knew it was finally my time to ride in.

[181] My parents were total anomalies.

[182] We were forbidden to attend sleepovers, but we were often welcome to attend their ragers.

[183] We are Liberian, West African, and partying is a huge part of our culture.

[184] Mine too.

[185] Yeah.

[186] It truly is.

[187] Your function was regarded a failure if headcounts didn't tip into the three digits.

[188] Yes.

[189] Fuck yeah.

[190] Our high school graduations We're like Jewish barbott mitzvahs, where we made bank and got a flex in front of our family and friends.

[191] Nice.

[192] Needless to say, I have many drunk childhood memories.

[193] My favorite was my dad's 40th birthday.

[194] It was right after 9 -11, and I grew up in the D .C. area.

[195] So it was the first time we felt allowed to have fun and be excited about something since that tragic day.

[196] Our house was full of the most amazing smells.

[197] As our mom, one of the best cooks I know, whipped of all the most popular Liberian dishes.

[198] My dad was on liquor duty.

[199] Men are always in charge of alcohol while women handle food at these events, very progressive.

[200] And he made his signature beverage, champagne punch.

[201] This innocent sounding drink is anything but as a single batch contains two to three liars of brandy, assorted fruit liqueurs, and six to eight bottles of champagne.

[202] Holy shit.

[203] An array of tropical fruit nectar hides the danger that lies within.

[204] The whole thing is, then frozen and served as a slushy.

[205] Oh, you mean the thing children love the most?

[206] Right.

[207] And then it says, is it any wonder us kids loved it?

[208] Once the party got started, cars parked on our lawn in a genteel suburban neighborhood, full DJ booth, and basement dance floor.

[209] Can I please live in a fucking Liberian neighborhood?

[210] That sounds like.

[211] I'm loving learning about Liberian culture directly from a person who's just like, here's what it was like.

[212] We did it.

[213] What a great way to learn about other countries or cultures.

[214] Totally.

[215] Tell us about your childhood parent.

[216] Your parents ragers when you were a kid that's like culturally appropriate.

[217] How did your parents party?

[218] Do you think that they partied harder or less hard than Liberians?

[219] That is no, because we didn't always, we definitely always had huge parties, but we didn't max out at 300.

[220] Yeah.

[221] It was like, I think we were up.

[222] 200 was like nuts so for us.

[223] Like, if your family had to get a DJ booth, then it's a bucket rager.

[224] I mean.

[225] And all the adults were having too much fun to be bothered with us kids.

[226] We got to work.

[227] Like an old school firefighter, bucket brigade, we smuggled our slushy booty.

[228] The party didn't wind down until 6 or 7 a .m. Fuck.

[229] And when our parents noticed we were still hanging with them, the truth finally came out that no one, not even their elementary school -aged kids, had turned it down.

[230] Luckily, since our parents were too embarrassed to make a big deal, we all got huge.

[231] chunks of cornbread.

[232] I now realized to soak up the liquor and were shuttled off to bed.

[233] Honorable mention goes to my Uncle Terry, who would always make a special cranberry vodka and quote, forget it somewhere in arm's reach of me and my cousin twin.

[234] Don't worry, we were 18 by then.

[235] Oh, I forgot it next.

[236] Oh, Uncle Terry.

[237] Oh, whoops.

[238] I guess I'll make another one.

[239] And because I'm realizing my family sounds like a bunch of single -brained cell degenerates, let's do a quick, where are they now?

[240] My brother is a kick -ass surgeon serving our nation.

[241] I work in finance, and my sister is a marketing wizard.

[242] Please remember us like this.

[243] It's too late.

[244] Yeah.

[245] Same sexy and don't miss a Liberian party, Antonia.

[246] Fuck yeah.

[247] That is an all -timer.

[248] That's an all -timer.

[249] Oh, shit, that's funny.

[250] Please remember us like this.

[251] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[252] Absolutely.

[253] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[254] Exactly.

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[270] Goodbye.

[271] This is an Aussie hometown pub story.

[272] Okay.

[273] That's the title.

[274] Hey, when I was in my 20s, I worked the day shift at a pub in Sydney, Australia.

[275] We've been there.

[276] I love it there.

[277] So good.

[278] It was a bit of a rough and tumble place.

[279] Disagree.

[280] Frequently.

[281] Wait, the bar at Sydney.

[282] Not a rough and tumble bar, man. Just a nice rough and tumble bar for an afternoon, Bev.

[283] Hell yeah.

[284] Frequented by boisterous, often badly behaved young men.

[285] Oh, my faith.

[286] Otherwise known as laricans.

[287] Laricans?

[288] During the weekday, though, it was pretty quiet.

[289] Our pub was on the corner of a busy intersection in an inner city suburb with cars and buses warring past all day long.

[290] One quiet lunch shift, a rather restless looking bloke comes bursting in in what seems to be a bit of a hurry.

[291] He hastily orders a schooner of beer and a glass of Coke.

[292] After pouring both drinks, I give him the total and he quickly produces a large handful of change, then begins to shakily count out the money in 10 cent, 20 cent, and 50 cent pieces.

[293] No, not okay.

[294] Yeah, straight on to and all over the counter.

[295] As I start collecting this rather annoying amount of coinage, I noticed him trying to chug the Coke, ice and all, in one coat.

[296] Sorry.

[297] was he a seagull he just poured it into a gullet just say no ice that's so dangerous it's unhinges his entire jaw it's a snake he has a snake you know sometimes when you're drinking out of a glass that has ice in it and the beverage the beverage line has gone down below the ice line and so when you tip it back to get the lots of the beverage the ice just crashes into your face of course you've all had that experience Well, this guy was trying to swallow that experience is what I think and why I'm enjoying myself so much on this episode.

[298] It's the best.

[299] Okay, sorry.

[300] All in one go.

[301] Pretty thirsty, I guess.

[302] Not sure a soda is a good call for chugging, but he can enjoy the gassy results of that later.

[303] He keeps glancing out the window to the traffic, hand tapping on the bar, all while chugging.

[304] Oh, my God.

[305] He gets to the first sip of his beer when he suddenly takes the glass, runs out the side door onto the current.

[306] empty street, stands in the middle of the road, chugs the entire beer in literally two seconds flat, smashes the glass to the ground, and runs away down the middle of the street.

[307] I can see both of the cross streets from this corner bar and just as I see old mate piss bolting away down the street and sorry, there's little asterisk at the end of old mate and piss bolting.

[308] So I'll go down to the key here and old mate is a person whose name you don't know.

[309] And piss bolting is running really fast.

[310] I love it.

[311] Just as I see old mate piss bolting away down the street, I see a bunch of police rounding the corner running right after him.

[312] They check in with me to see if I saw the guy.

[313] And of course, I point them in the right direction.

[314] I notice across the street a bunch of people gathered around a bus stop.

[315] A bunch of people gathered around a bus at the nearby stop.

[316] Turns out this guy had just robbed a bus that had stopped directly across the street from the pub.

[317] What?

[318] So he literally robbed this bus, stole a shit ton of coins, then ran across the street to smash down and then actually smash a Coke and a beer.

[319] I mean, at least he paid for the drinks.

[320] I had to admire his desire for a cold beer.

[321] The cops got him not far down the road.

[322] I was impressed by the speed of the police, but I'm guessing it's not easy to go on the run after guzzling a soda and a beer.

[323] And I'm not keen to try.

[324] Also, who drinks Coke before beer?

[325] Yeah.

[326] Especially if you're in a rush to escape.

[327] a crime, you just committed.

[328] Thanks for all you do.

[329] Stay sexy and don't go running after bubbly drinks.

[330] Kira.

[331] And then it says in parentheses rhymes with beer.

[332] Yeah, it does.

[333] What the fuck?

[334] Like, why did you need the beer right away?

[335] Why did you need the Coke and the beer?

[336] Why did you pay for it?

[337] Why did you stop across the street from where you just robbed place of lace?

[338] Why would you rob a place that just fills your pockets with head?

[339] heavy change and weighs you down when you, your plan is to outrun the cops.

[340] Right.

[341] Another great question.

[342] Okay, we're going to write these questions up, Kira, and we're going to send them to you in Australia.

[343] That's right.

[344] Okay, I have one more.

[345] All right.

[346] I'm not going to reach you the line of this.

[347] Okay.

[348] Hi, Karen, Georgia, and MFM family.

[349] I just listened to the minisode where a listener used her lessons from dog training to scare off a would -be carjacker.

[350] This makes total sense to me, and I wanted to share a quick little story of that dog training energy in action.

[351] For context, my mom has been raising puppies for a guide dog organization for about 15 years.

[352] How fucking adorable is that.

[353] A few years ago, I was in town visiting and we were walking our dogs around my parents' quiet neighborhood.

[354] Suddenly, we hear barking and turned to see a very angry German shepherd barreling out of a driveway across the street, charging straight at my dog.

[355] of course I had no idea what to do I was already imagining how I would pull that dog away from mine and how much damage it could do first fortunately my mom and I had swapped leashes so she had my dog and I was a few yards behind with one of hers I watched that she calmly stepped in front of my dog planted her feet and said in a firm I mean business voice hey knock it off to my amazement that dog stopped in its tracks It reminded me so much of something you would say as like what your mom would sound like to you guys.

[356] Hey, knock it off.

[357] Knock it off.

[358] That dog stopped in its tracks.

[359] I mean, it skidded to a halt so fast, it looked like something out of a cartoon.

[360] Then tail between its legs, it turned and ran back home.

[361] I could not believe what I'd just seen, but my mom just shrugged and said something about letting him know that his behavior was unacceptable.

[362] Then she continued our walk like nothing had happened.

[363] I suspect there's a big overlap between training your dogs and being a mom.

[364] Oh, yeah.

[365] I love the show.

[366] Thanks for all you do.

[367] Kim.

[368] Well, yeah, you got to say stuff like you mean it.

[369] And sometimes you have to scare people a little bit to get the message through.

[370] And ultimately, everybody wants someone else to be in charge.

[371] Everybody wants to be told because no one knows what the fuck they're doing.

[372] And maybe a little shame, too.

[373] Like, you're acting like an idiot.

[374] Yeah, like, hold on.

[375] And then you're like, you're right.

[376] I'm just running down the driveway barking like a lunatic.

[377] This is embarrassing.

[378] I'm going to go.

[379] I'm ashamed.

[380] I'm shaming my breed, my dog breed and my family.

[381] Not going to do it.

[382] We've done it again.

[383] We did it again.

[384] You want to listen to one more.

[385] There's a mini, many, many set on the hometown.

[386] This is video.

[387] So check it out.

[388] Also, of course, most.

[389] Most importantly, stay sexy.

[390] And don't get murdered.

[391] Goodbye.

[392] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[393] This has been an exactly right production.

[394] Our producer is Hannah Kyle Kreiton.

[395] Associate producer Alejandra Keck.

[396] Engineer and mixer.

[397] Steven.

[398] Ray Morris.

[399] Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray.

[400] Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[401] And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my favorite murder and Twitter at my fave murder.

[402] And for more information about this podcast, our live shows, merch, or to join the fan cult, go to my favoritemerder .com.

[403] Rate review and subscribe!