Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hi, my name is Mila Coonis.
[1] And I feel irrelevant about being gone in front.
[2] Irrelevant?
[3] Yes, because you have so many friends.
[4] All is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[5] I can tell never we are going to be friends.
[6] Hey there.
[7] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien, needs a friend, the podcast that gives and never takes.
[8] Just made that up.
[9] It doesn't really make sense.
[10] Joined as always by my chums, my pals, my amigos, my compadres, my compatriots, my comrades, my compatriots, my comrades as part of the late 1970s Brezhnev -era Soviet Union.
[11] Of course.
[12] Sona, good to see you.
[13] Good to see you.
[14] And Matt Gourley.
[15] Hi, boss.
[16] How are you?
[17] Do you really think of me as your boss?
[18] Because you never act like it.
[19] Well, you never act like my boss.
[20] No, I'm a completely irresponsible boob.
[21] Yeah.
[22] I don't think we do have that.
[23] I don't think we have that dynamic where anyone fears me or shows respect.
[24] Well, there is like a bullying side of you that's kind of like an old school boss.
[25] Oh, please.
[26] We all know that's a character.
[27] No. And the real me. Oh, you know what's funny?
[28] I did have someone on the street who's a big fan of the podcast come up to me. They really love the podcast.
[29] And then they said, are you really mad at Gorley?
[30] And I said, no, I'm not.
[31] He's great.
[32] And they went, no, it's really funny.
[33] But boy, is he really gets you going.
[34] And I was like, I wanted you to know that people see what's really happening?
[35] People see what's really happening.
[36] Get the world.
[37] I want you to know that.
[38] Thank you.
[39] The world sees me for the tyrant that I am.
[40] Yeah, that's how you feel like a boss, I guess.
[41] Like, oh, boss is here.
[42] What's he going to be like?
[43] Or daddy's here.
[44] I just don't want to be the butt of a lot of jokes.
[45] Yeah, that's it.
[46] No, you would never, you're not the butt of jokes.
[47] Oh, right, I'm sorry.
[48] I didn't have my glasses on her.
[49] Oh, my God, Sona.
[50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[51] Oh, I'm so sorry.
[52] Yeah.
[53] Oh, I didn't see you.
[54] I thought you were Indira Gandhi, revered.
[55] I didn't see that you were son of obsessia.
[56] Oh, yeah, yeah, no. People don't make jokes about Indira Gandhi, but yes, you.
[57] Yeah, no, you.
[58] I fear you in the sense of I don't want to ever trigger something that makes you do a whole bit and then the whole room is laughing at me and then you make me high -five you because that is so humiliating.
[59] Here's a genius thing that I came up with, which is, and I should get, you know, if people are getting Nobel Prizes for creating fission or fusion, I think I should get a Nobel Prize.
[60] for the fact that I will get a whole room laughing at my bit about Sona while she's there.
[61] And then I'll put my hand up for a high five and she has to give the high five.
[62] She just does.
[63] Why do you do it?
[64] You have to.
[65] You would do it too.
[66] You just do because when people are laughing that hard and you put up a hand for a high five, there's this flow of energy that you have to go along with.
[67] You're like in a little kayak and you're being rocketed at 180 miles an hour.
[68] And anyone on staff, when I put that hand up and the whole room is laughing.
[69] at them.
[70] They put their hand up for the high five.
[71] This is just like people being complicit to tyrants in history.
[72] You think you would never do it, but you can't ever say until you're in that moment.
[73] Yes, yes.
[74] And this is really the reason I'm glad you agree with this analogy.
[75] The reason I do it is to teach people that this is how tyrants get away with what they get away with.
[76] This is my way of...
[77] You're educating people?
[78] There you go.
[79] No, I think you're a sick person.
[80] I've been educated by many very sick people.
[81] Yeah.
[82] A lot of teachers are sick, you know, tyrants in their own way.
[83] Do you think you're a normal boss?
[84] Oh, God, no. It's a mess.
[85] So you take responsibility for this.
[86] Yeah, I mean, along there are no consequences, I take full responsibility.
[87] Would you ever do undercover boss?
[88] Oh, I think people, that's a great idea.
[89] I've watched that show undercover boss.
[90] I think people would know it was me. It would be impossible.
[91] Well, I don't see how you disguise me and not know it's me. Because it is like you take Sesame Street's Big Bird and you put glasses on him in a mustache.
[92] People are going to, and then he's undercover boss at Sesame Street.
[93] People are like, oh my God, big bird, what are you doing?
[94] That's what it would be like.
[95] You'd have to do like down on your knees with shoes at your knees like Dorff.
[96] Like Dorf on golf.
[97] Right, Tim Conway's invention.
[98] Yes, I would do that.
[99] I would have to do something radical or have radical facial surgery that's permanent.
[100] But it would be fun to go on undercover boss.
[101] What would people say about me?
[102] If I came in and you didn't recognize me and my name was Otto.
[103] Otto Struden But I was raised in America All right, well let's role play this Okay You come to your Otto Struden Hello I'm here for my first day of work I'm Otto Struiden Oh hi Otto what's your job here I was hired to keep the canisters That are filled with the podcast Of tape Huh Canisters Well in my part of Eastern Germany We still use canisters Of tape for podcasts Welcome Welcome, welcome.
[104] That's weird.
[105] So tell me, I'm to work for Conan O 'Brien.
[106] Yeah.
[107] He's a, I mean, in Europe, he is legendary podcast man and humor fellow.
[108] So I'm very excited.
[109] Everybody says, oh, Conan O 'Brien, he is.
[110] Temper your expectations.
[111] Well, when you say, why are you saying?
[112] He's just going to ridicule you.
[113] He's going to belittle you, make you feel small, and then make you high -five him.
[114] Oh, yeah.
[115] Sounds fun.
[116] So he includes me in Sitchok and then we all laugh.
[117] That's great.
[118] No, you're not included in the joke.
[119] You're the butt of the joke.
[120] Yeah.
[121] Well, the joke is joke.
[122] Who cares if butt or one playing joke, fun, fun for all.
[123] Yes.
[124] No, no. And he's going to make fun of your accent for sure.
[125] Oh, well, I should learn English if I'm to make it here.
[126] So that is his way of spurting me on to new heights.
[127] The way you look, too.
[128] Why, what is wrong with the way?
[129] All this red hair.
[130] Yeah.
[131] Oh, no, no. I don't care to me, just to meet this man, this Conan man. This humor man who is a known throughout world as best ever.
[132] Oh, no. No, he told you that was.
[133] Oh, he rocks USA.
[134] He's the best.
[135] That's weird that you said that.
[136] My mom said the exact same thing to him.
[137] Well, she is right to say it.
[138] Okay.
[139] So I get to meet him and then he would even high -five me. That's such an honor.
[140] No boss is.
[141] Your nose just fell on the table.
[142] What's happening?
[143] Oh, I'm having, excuse me, let me get it and put back on.
[144] Oh, yes.
[145] I had surgery in my country I live near a nuclear plant nose fall off sometimes There we go, it's back on now Yeah And your hair seems to be peeling up at the scenes Oh yes, yes again Very strange side effect of sausage I eat in the country Cornyn best Oh he's best So lucky that you all work for him And yet you bitch and moan And whine and complain about working with great humor man Do you know what passive -aggressive means?
[146] It sounds to me like if he's good at it, then God bless him.
[147] No. He's best guy ever.
[148] This is incredible.
[149] I think you are spoiled Americans.
[150] Oh, boo -hoo, we don't like working with great humor, God.
[151] It's no fun.
[152] I bish out -slash -lis -lis -lis -law.
[153] Oh, God.
[154] Oh, God.
[155] What's happening?
[156] Oh, my God.
[157] Sorry, shawky clanslid, you gon schlita.
[158] Sonny, I just get so excited about Conan.
[159] All your costume elements fell off.
[160] Oh, hi, guys.
[161] Hi.
[162] Did I have you fooled?
[163] Anyway, well, that was me all along.
[164] Yeah.
[165] I wish you guys liked me more, but I guess you don't.
[166] Let's get to it.
[167] We got a great show today.
[168] That ended really sad.
[169] I know.
[170] It ended with me realizing how much I'm loathed.
[171] You know, I am excited about this guest.
[172] She is one of my favorite people.
[173] You know this to be true.
[174] Yes, yes.
[175] I think we all love her.
[176] She's nice to everybody when she comes here.
[177] Yes, she is the mirror image of me. No, she really is.
[178] She is one of my all -time favorite human being.
[179] She's just a lovely person.
[180] My guest today is a very talented actress, you know, from such films and TV shows as Black Swan, Bad Moms, That 70 Show, and Family Guy.
[181] Now you can see her in the new Netflix movie, luckiest girl alive.
[182] I am delighted, as Theodore Roosevelt would say.
[183] I am delighted she's with us today.
[184] Milakunis, welcome.
[185] You have so many friends.
[186] I don't.
[187] Do you really think I do?
[188] Because I don't.
[189] I have a lot of acquaintances.
[190] Everyone claims to be your friend.
[191] The amount of times I've heard, Ocona's my friend.
[192] Do they say that, my friend?
[193] He's my friend.
[194] Con is my good friend.
[195] He's my friend.
[196] Are you down South a lot?
[197] Last time you, I think you said, What was last time?
[198] Indifference.
[199] So we've gone from indifferent to irrelevant.
[200] Well, sometimes it takes you a while to text me back.
[201] Oh.
[202] You know what I'm saying?
[203] That's true.
[204] So I feel like there's something we can work on.
[205] We can build off of this.
[206] You know, we had a text thing going recently.
[207] Yeah.
[208] This is pretty juicy.
[209] But I think you're, because I saw BJ Novak's movie, Vengeance.
[210] Which is fantastic.
[211] And texted you to just tell Ashton that I thought he killed it in that movie.
[212] He was so good.
[213] And then we started going back and forth and, you know.
[214] And then you just left me. I just, I ghosted me. You ghosted me. I did go.
[215] I told me to ghosted you.
[216] But then I went around yelling at people.
[217] I just ghosted me Lekunis.
[218] Isn't that cool?
[219] Isn't that make me a cool person?
[220] No one thought that it was cool, by the way.
[221] Okay.
[222] I'll pay you a compliment.
[223] you are one of the nicest and most real people I've met that's in this business.
[224] You may actually have the top slot.
[225] Really?
[226] Yes.
[227] Seriously, since the day I met, Mila, years ago when you came to the show, and then I think we chatted afterwards about, you know, where you thought you could get, like, the cheapest t -shirts.
[228] Oh, yeah.
[229] And I swear to God, there is a saying in show business that, well, that person went through the machine.
[230] You've heard that sound.
[231] We're like people get started and I saw it so many times on my show and I won't name names, but I saw people come up when they were really young and they were a guest on the show and they had just hit and they were so full of life.
[232] And then the next time I saw them like a year later, they were cautious.
[233] They kind of looked different.
[234] Yeah.
[235] Publicists had been working on them.
[236] They had, and it's called going through the machine and it can sometimes be sort of a sad experience.
[237] And I swear to God, you have never changed.
[238] That is rare.
[239] Oh, it is.
[240] That's sad.
[241] But I think I got really lucky.
[242] I really do.
[243] I never was screwed up.
[244] I did dumb things.
[245] Like, don't get me wrong.
[246] But I think that I came up at a time before social media.
[247] Mm -hmm.
[248] And so when I was turning haul at like 1920 was the beginning of Perez Hilton.
[249] And I coined a lot of this going through the machine of like being cautious.
[250] And now everybody has to worry about what they say, how they say, what they look.
[251] Because everything is so documented.
[252] I didn't have that.
[253] Right.
[254] And so I was still able to be.
[255] lazy for the lack of it.
[256] Like, I didn't have to try to be anything other than myself because it wasn't being documented anywhere.
[257] And I really, I feel really bad for anyone who's coming up now who's like 16, 15, even, whatever, to like 25.
[258] Because it's such a growing period in your life and to have that be blasted.
[259] And now with this idea that we are holding people responsible for what they said 10 years ago, none of that.
[260] I mean, you know, you can't do, so anyways, I got very lucky.
[261] And I have awesome parents.
[262] It's fascinating because there's this site now, Dumois.
[263] Yes.
[264] And they're constantly, and basically it's everybody, anybody can sort of do a posting, I guess, and say what they saw.
[265] I have a friend that follows it, and he says like, dude, every time your name pops up, you're at the same place eating sushi.
[266] And it's this place not far from our house.
[267] It's really good called Sugarfish.
[268] And my kids really like it.
[269] And my wife likes it.
[270] So we're like, one of them will say, let's go to Sugarfish.
[271] Okay, let's go to Sugarfish.
[272] And so the postings are just like, Cone O 'Brien, at Sugarfish, having a Toro hand roll.
[273] And then the next post, like a week later, it would be like, Conan O 'Brien at Sugarfish, having two Toro hand rolls.
[274] And then at one point, the posting was, dude likes his sushi.
[275] Yeah.
[276] But you can imagine, you know, I'm, yeah, if I was a known person when I was 15, there would have been a lot of, you know, Conan buying acne cream.
[277] Yeah, but also like, don't you think it's...
[278] Stealing acne cream.
[279] Conan, you would never steal.
[280] I wouldn't.
[281] I know.
[282] But my assistant would.
[283] That's why you have one.
[284] Yeah, I steal.
[285] But don't you think that this is a whole other podcast to unravel.
[286] Do you watch all the murders in the building?
[287] Yes, of course.
[288] Okay, so this is what this...
[289] I love those guys.
[290] Okay, let's just digress.
[291] I do too.
[292] I don't know them.
[293] I'm sure they're your friends and you text them back.
[294] I don't know.
[295] But this, This relationship now starts reminding me of the podcast relationship in that show, you know, with Poppy.
[296] You are the Poppy.
[297] Oh, okay.
[298] All right.
[299] Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I don't anymore.
[300] I just need to clarify, I don't steal anymore.
[301] You don't steal.
[302] No. Did you ever steal?
[303] I did.
[304] I used to have like a shoplifting thrill.
[305] Like what?
[306] Little bracelets from Express or a headband from urban outfiters.
[307] Just to be like, I did it.
[308] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[309] Just for the thrill.
[310] Yeah.
[311] We've actually wanted to do a remote where I make her go back to all the stores that she stole from.
[312] and confess and return the merchandise, which I think would be, that thing would go viral if we put that out there.
[313] But you have twin boys now who are a year old.
[314] And there's always the worry that they will grow up knowing their mother is the criminal she is.
[315] Well, you bring it up all the time, so they're going to know regardless.
[316] She brought her kids to the studio the other day, Mikey and Charlie, in a beautiful one -year -old boys.
[317] And I just am playing with them and shouting, your mother stole.
[318] Yeah.
[319] I'm so awful.
[320] I oddly believe it.
[321] It's true.
[322] It did have it.
[323] Yeah, that makes sense.
[324] I'm a terrible person.
[325] Very on brand, Conan.
[326] I do think, even if you had grown up in this age, you'd have figured it out.
[327] Because you just have that quality of you're always yourself.
[328] Yeah.
[329] And you know who you are.
[330] Yeah.
[331] So, yes, you did a lot of crazy things when you were 15.
[332] I mean, crazy.
[333] I was still in comparison to other children.
[334] I was a very good kid.
[335] Like I worked so I had responsibility so you can only be so crazy or I wouldn't have a job.
[336] And I loved what I did.
[337] It says here you flew cocaine into Miami.
[338] That was different.
[339] That was just me finding myself.
[340] I know it's a job.
[341] You got paid hundreds of thousands of dollars.
[342] That was experimental.
[343] Can you imagine if I have predicted?
[344] What would, I've never done hardcore drugs.
[345] No, me neither.
[346] No, me neither.
[347] But everybody thought I did when I was a teenager.
[348] They really, every time I went out to a club and I used to go to like clubs, I didn't drink.
[349] I mean, I would have like, like, if someone snuck me like a vodka soda, I'd have a couple sips.
[350] But I was responsible because I knew I had to drive home.
[351] But everybody would go to the bathroom and they'd be like, you got some?
[352] And I was like, oh, do you do like a tampon?
[353] Like, what do you mean?
[354] Like I was like, and they were like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
[355] I was like, I am so sorry.
[356] I kept apologizing.
[357] I'm so sorry.
[358] I don't do that my whole life.
[359] And no one, yeah.
[360] I think I've mentioned this before, but in college, I didn't do anything.
[361] And I walked into a room once.
[362] And it was a scene out of like pretty and pink where the bad guys are all wearing white tuxedo jackets.
[363] But I walked into a room and it's like three guys in white tuxedo jackets with their ties undone.
[364] And they were cutting up lines and they were like, hey man, you want some Coke?
[365] And I said, hmm, my father is a doctor.
[366] He says it interrupts the heart rhythm.
[367] Oh, my God.
[368] And they were like, they looked at me and I went, it interferes with the neural signals.
[369] You know what a nerd I am and I want to pound you.
[370] I know.
[371] Trust me. Trust me. I gave him a lecture on interrupting the heart rhythm.
[372] Okay.
[373] See your doctor before using.
[374] Wait.
[375] Is that prescription cocaine?
[376] But wait, did it work at deterring you from doing drugs?
[377] Oh, well, I mean, I think I just was not, yes.
[378] The fact that my father was a doctor and we didn't take aspirin unless he.
[379] But he gave you a logical explanation.
[380] It wasn't feelings.
[381] Yeah.
[382] Okay.
[383] So, we live in L .A. L .A. has taken an interesting turn during COVID when it comes to mental health and people experiencing homelessness on the streets and whatnot.
[384] And so we were super isolated.
[385] In one point, we're like, we got to get the kids out of the house.
[386] You know, like, let's go get ice cream.
[387] Let's just go and get them ice cream.
[388] But on masks, we'll be safe.
[389] You know, this one we all thought that COVID was still attacking us.
[390] Like, it could just come out of nowhere.
[391] So we go to the ice cream.
[392] We go get ice cream.
[393] We sit down outside for like one of the first times, okay?
[394] We take our masks off.
[395] We're like, wow.
[396] We're all eating our ice cream.
[397] I'm not kidding, too.
[398] My kids are six and four at the time.
[399] This woman experiencing homelessness who's clearly dealing with mental health issues, walks down Ventura, sits down next to us and decides to have an overdose next to my children and my husband and our friends.
[400] And we were like, and none of us knew what to do.
[401] And my kids started asking questions, right?
[402] I mean, forget like the ambulance coming.
[403] They were just like, is she okay?
[404] What is happening?
[405] and we ended up having to have a very logical conversation with them about what are drugs and what they do to you.
[406] My husband went super detailed.
[407] And I was like, babe, there's, A, there's six and four.
[408] I'm not sure if this is going to work on a tactic.
[409] But if you, which is why I was asking about your dad.
[410] I love that Ashton had morgue photos.
[411] Look at it.
[412] 22 years old, dead.
[413] Six weeks dead.
[414] This is taken long after their necrotic tissue.
[415] Yes.
[416] Ashton, why do you have that?
[417] Yes, but with also details of what the chemistry of the drug does to your brain.
[418] My kids are six and four.
[419] Anyways, if you talk to them now, they have that.
[420] They're like, no, it messes up your brain and I don't want, like, they will now.
[421] That's great.
[422] So, yeah, it was one way of starting this conversation.
[423] Mind you, they've literally taken an antibiotic for their earache, and they didn't know of anything else the world existed until that moment.
[424] Wow.
[425] Six and four.
[426] Yeah, I did not.
[427] I mean, I've talked about this before, but I, you know, come from hardcore.
[428] Irish Catholic people and there's two ways there yeah no you've never mentioned that it's so weird half Irish half Iraqi okay so it's a it's a mix and it's a good house right but my Iraqi style really likes to hit the booze so I but in my family there was a there's two ways to go like there there's too much drinking but in my family it was fear of of alcoholism, just terrible fear of it.
[429] So my parents didn't touch it.
[430] We had a completely dry house, nothing.
[431] And so I never had anything.
[432] I didn't have a sip of alcohol the whole time I was in college.
[433] Wow.
[434] And worked for the comedy magazine, which is basically all alcoholics.
[435] And I was in charge, which kind of worked because I would be in charge of like, yes, we need 75 gallons of gin in a giant tank.
[436] Will you be having any?
[437] I'll have none, thank you.
[438] Just some buttermilk for me. Oh, God.
[439] What made you then have the first glass?
[440] My genetic destiny.
[441] Just kind of take away.
[442] Yeah, I think I started having, I think I started having beer and then like appreciating wine.
[443] And then realizing that sadly people liked me better when I had had like two glasses of wine because I was, I did, speaking of, I did go to a doctor once.
[444] And he was saying like, you got to tell me, what have you, what other drugs do you take?
[445] And I said, well, I'm on Lipitor to lower my cholesterol.
[446] I'm, you know, I'd take an aspirin at night to lower my chances of stroke and heart attack and a baby aspirin, not a full aspirin, a baby aspirin, sir.
[447] And then he said, no, seriously, you have to tell me about the drugs you do if I'm going to help you and be your doctor.
[448] And I said, I don't, I really don't do any drugs.
[449] And he said, you have to be honest with me. And I said, what are you getting at?
[450] And he said, you don't do cocaine.
[451] And I said, no. And he said, I've seen your show.
[452] Oh, wow.
[453] And he really was like, you're telling me this.
[454] guy that's like, I don't do do and help da -da -da -da -a -ca, and a ca -ca -ca, he was convinced that I was on Coke.
[455] And I'm like, no, that's me. You're a genetic Coke head.
[456] I'm a genetic, yes, I am.
[457] My body is putting out a steady stream of pure Peruvian cocaine.
[458] Oh, my God.
[459] That's wild.
[460] Yeah, but I think, so at some point, I think in my late 20s, I realized, so funny when I have like two glasses of red wine.
[461] People like you?
[462] People are like, hey.
[463] I can kind of talk to him.
[464] Yeah, brings you down.
[465] That's true.
[466] Jim Downey, who's the head writer Saturday Night Live when I worked there for years and genius comedy writer, when Norm MacDonald passed away.
[467] He and I were talking.
[468] And he was like, oh, my God, that's so tough about Norm.
[469] But the things people are saying are so lovely.
[470] And I went, yeah, it's really great what they're saying.
[471] And he said, I mean, when you go, people, there'll be a lot of people saying nice things, but, you know, it'll all be mixed in.
[472] And he wasn't doing a bit.
[473] I said, what do you mean?
[474] And he said, you know, there are people that say like, no, he was really funny but you know sometimes he could maybe he could have toned it down a little bit he could be a little much at times and i'm like okay jim that's fine let's just talk go back to talking about norm yeah he could be a strong dose let's just say you know conan you know you're a strong dose and i went i didn't really realize i was strong dose but uh yeah You know, I wanted to ask you about something, which is, I heard that you're doing this thing, which totally plays into what we're talking about, but that over COVID you got sort of into sustainable farming.
[475] Oh, yeah.
[476] And this sounds so you.
[477] Farming seems a little, I'm not a farmer, let me just say, but yes, go on.
[478] Can I just say you're wearing overalls right now?
[479] You are.
[480] You are wearing overalls.
[481] It's really taken on a lot of.
[482] Yeah.
[483] Okay, go on.
[484] Yes, my sustainable farming.
[485] Well, no, I'm curious because I, uh, I know that I'm, I'm a very impatient person.
[486] And so, and I know you're a very impatient.
[487] You could not sustainably farm.
[488] I couldn't do it.
[489] You'd be shouting it.
[490] You wanted like, wait, what would I be shouting?
[491] You'd be like shouting at the plants like two days into it.
[492] Like, when do I get to eat you?
[493] Would you, are you, are you, do you have a knack for it?
[494] I don't have a knack for it.
[495] But I, but I, but I happen to have bought some good soil.
[496] That's my, I honestly, I have like a black thumb.
[497] Everything takes way longer to grow than you think.
[498] I'm super grateful for grocery stores.
[499] We would all be dead if we were living off of my sustainable farming skills.
[500] So let me say that first and foremost.
[501] We'd all be dead.
[502] We'd have no food, maybe a strawberry.
[503] But the experience that it has given us has been, like we thought we were going to kind of just do it a little bit over COVID.
[504] And then it just kind of stuck.
[505] And, yeah, like, okay, I'll tell you a story.
[506] I was like, you know what?
[507] We were in Canada, and I became friends with this woman named Judith, who was in the house next door to us.
[508] And she was lovely towards our kids.
[509] She was like a grandma, and she took our kids on and would take them to the library.
[510] Like, she was this beautiful older woman.
[511] And so she farmed on her rooftop, and she would grow these unbelievable tomatoes.
[512] I mean, tomatoes that I was like, this is what a tomatoes was supposed to say.
[513] She goes, okay, you have to go to something like heirloom tomatoes .com.
[514] And I was like, Judith.
[515] She goes, no, I swear.
[516] So I do.
[517] I go on heirloomtomtomatoos .com and I buy every strand I can to grow in a region.
[518] They all took.
[519] I didn't do anything.
[520] I planted them.
[521] I put some soil.
[522] I water.
[523] I learned that you have to water the ground, not the actual plant.
[524] You learn a little bit of things.
[525] But now I'm only in one business.
[526] So I'm only in the tomato business.
[527] Like I have no other.
[528] I'm not the smartest at figuring it out.
[529] So like at one point I grew hundreds of carrots.
[530] Hundreds.
[531] No one needs hundreds of carrots all at once.
[532] So I feel like my timing on my farming is questionable.
[533] But we did grow with tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, watermelon.
[534] I'm still growing because I don't know why, but it's taken like nine months.
[535] Corn, which we harvested.
[536] And then we grew soybean beans to like nourish the ground not to actually eat.
[537] Which soybeans grow like weeds.
[538] Wait, so it sounds like you're quite good at this.
[539] No, I'm really not, though.
[540] I swear.
[541] Like, if something goes wrong, I either Google or call my gardener.
[542] Like, I don't know enough.
[543] Well, you're on your way.
[544] I mean, we started over COVID, we started composting.
[545] And my wife got really, Liza got really into it.
[546] And what I didn't realize is it's all about the worms.
[547] Yeah.
[548] And so she kept going out to check on the worms and make sure the worms are okay.
[549] And it got to the point where it's like, okay, it's, you know, what's time to watch our HBO Mac show or our Netflix show.
[550] And she'd be like, I got to go check on the worms.
[551] And then I realized that I was fighting for attention, my wife, with worms.
[552] I knew that's where this was heading.
[553] It was, yeah, but it was in, it enraged me because there was, there's been like 18 years of, okay, we have these kids and I understand that I'm second to these children and that they come first.
[554] You got replaced by worms.
[555] I got replaced by worm.
[556] The timing is interesting.
[557] Yeah.
[558] I know.
[559] I know, exactly.
[560] She saw that they're like getting ready to leave the nest and she said, anything.
[561] Anything that doesn't even have to be sentient.
[562] It doesn't have to have consciousness or a soul.
[563] Just worm.
[564] Wait, I want to compost.
[565] And composting is actually you get used to it.
[566] I want to do it.
[567] But my concern is animals.
[568] I don't know.
[569] Do you live, do you attract animals?
[570] Because then I started reading about it.
[571] And it said that if you live in an area with wild animals, which we have a mountain lion, a bobcat, coyotes.
[572] I don't want to attract them.
[573] No. First of all, I attract animals.
[574] But they're huge fans of niche comedy.
[575] Loud over the top.
[576] No, you know, the bobcats hang out with me for a little bit.
[577] and then they're like, he's a little mud.
[578] I wish you'd have two glasses of red wine.
[579] Man, then I could handle him.
[580] But, you know, there's a way that you can build the composting sort of bins so that it's...
[581] Does no smell?
[582] That, yeah, it's protected from animals.
[583] And so from predators or people that would want to, you know, get in there.
[584] And the biggest, we have dogs, and they're the first ones that would want to get in there.
[585] So this is me talking as a guy who my wife does pretty much all of it.
[586] That's why I'm not qualified to really speak about it, but I know that she explained this to me early on before she started cheating on me. With the worms.
[587] With worms.
[588] You're going to murder the worms.
[589] No, I wouldn't murder them.
[590] I might move them to another place, but no, I just think that's, there's, we all have this fantasy of not needing to go anywhere.
[591] Like, I don't need to go to the supermarket.
[592] Yeah.
[593] But I know.
[594] We still do.
[595] I'm not this, you know.
[596] There's no, I mean, and also all the things I like can't be grown.
[597] Yeah, exactly.
[598] But we also, when we built our house, we try to make it as off the grid as the city would let us.
[599] So we are well water.
[600] Can't drink it, but we do everything else with well water.
[601] And then we're fully 100 % solar powered.
[602] Why can't, oh wow, why can't you drink the well water?
[603] It's just not drinkable quality.
[604] The city doesn't recommend it, but you can like use it to, you can do all, like you can irrigate with it.
[605] You can do everything you need to do with it.
[606] So that, yeah, exactly.
[607] Did you buy a property?
[608] pretty specifically because you knew it had a well?
[609] No. It was just there?
[610] You randomly dig.
[611] I swear.
[612] You spend five, it's $5 ,000 if I don't, like $5 ,000 and they go, yeah, well, $5 ,000 a shop.
[613] And they honestly come with some tools, something, and they go, there.
[614] Oh, no. And then they just drive up.
[615] I've had experience with this years ago where I lived in a place that you could dig a well and you, someone comes out and they dig the well and you pay them to dig the well, you know, with a giant, drill that drills down but they dig the well they're there all day and they go yep nothing there yeah so you owe me five thousand you're like it's weird but you're just like maybe he'll find the aquifer I don't know we got lucky and the guy happened to a wait wait we didn't know we could have struck out and had nothing but we were like let's just try and see and so we dug a hole and they're like yeah you got it and we were like whoa it happened but it's a it's a crapshoot do you have critters do you have like tons What kind of critters do you have?
[616] Not including, like, rats, mice, like that.
[617] I include rats and mice as critters.
[618] They're all God's creatures.
[619] They were on the ark with Noah.
[620] I wish they weren't.
[621] Noah let everyone on.
[622] He was like, well, no, we need a male and female COVID.
[623] You don't need to bring in.
[624] Nope, we got to bring them all in.
[625] Yeah, some could have been next out.
[626] What do we have?
[627] All right, I'll say about the serious sightings.
[628] We have rattlesnakes.
[629] We have.
[630] Oh, okay, that I'm not doing.
[631] I can't do rattlesnakes.
[632] I can't either.
[633] It's not like, I don't disagree.
[634] It's awful.
[635] It's terrifying.
[636] I'm going to name drop here, but I had a fancy friend that you text back.
[637] Text back immediately.
[638] Peewee Herman invited me over to his, we were going to go out to dinner.
[639] He said, yeah, just stop by my house.
[640] And so I walk up and his house is like, it's all kind of, he's got lots of plants and everything everywhere.
[641] and it's, it feel, it's, it's, it's very kind of natural.
[642] And so you're making your way through this narrow path.
[643] And it's lots of, you know, shrubs that have grown out.
[644] And you get to the door and I finally got to the door and I knocked on the door and let me in.
[645] And we chatted for a little bit.
[646] And he was like, okay, it's time to go.
[647] And he stepped outside and he put on giant special boots.
[648] And I said, what are those for?
[649] And he said, oh, rattlesnakes all over the place.
[650] So when I walked to the car, I wear these.
[651] And I said, and it was the same path that I had just come up on.
[652] And I'm not, I'm, you know, wearing, you know, open -toed sandals and short shorts.
[653] Because that's how I roll.
[654] And I was like, yeah, exactly, with bacon wrapped around them.
[655] And I was like, Paul, you didn't.
[656] He was like, oh, you're probably okay.
[657] Well, that seems excessive.
[658] Okay, so it's not like we have ours just like greeting you at the door.
[659] But we've had like two on our property this year.
[660] And then tons of gopher snakes.
[661] You don't care about those.
[662] They're good.
[663] They kind of eat all the mice and rats.
[664] we did see like a mouse outside.
[665] And then we have bunnies.
[666] We have a big bunny population in our backyard.
[667] Is a bunny just a rabbit?
[668] It's just a nicer term.
[669] Is he a cute term for rabbit?
[670] Yeah, it's a rabbit.
[671] All right.
[672] I didn't know if there was a separate like, in children's books there are bunnies.
[673] Like kitty.
[674] It's like kitty.
[675] But there's a hair and a hair has those big floppy ears.
[676] We don't have those.
[677] We definitely have like the cotton tail wild bunnies.
[678] They're super cute.
[679] Then we have a bobcat with a mountain line.
[680] We have the family of deer And one of the deer Is the Sierra had a baby On our property This is interesting I love that It's all beautiful But we have dogs But don't find it as beautiful As one would And so the dogs had to get the short end Of the stick Once the baby was born We were like You cannot go out I'm sorry And so the dogs had to be constantly Like shepherd away Until the baby was like Old enough to jump the fence back I have a And I'm not Just gonna sound like a bit But it's not I've had like a weird fantasy about wrestling like a bobcat fighting a bobcat in the wild you've brought it up I have I brought it up but I mountain bike I mountain bike up in the hills and people have told me oh yeah on this trail sometimes you run across like a mountain land or a bobcat and I'm like man that's a way to go like if I jumped off if I just jumped off my bike and the bobcat and I got to I don't really want to but there's part of me that thinks about it a lot like me and a bobcat going at it because then I think I'd get the respect and I'm long no you'll die so fast.
[681] I know, but think about the funeral.
[682] People are like, he was...
[683] An idiot.
[684] They'll be like, he's an idiot.
[685] I mean, it's going to be, that's not the way you want to go.
[686] I also think you...
[687] Really, you think it would all be idiot?
[688] Wouldn't anybody?
[689] No. Wouldn't Johnny Knox?
[690] She'll be like, man, I got to go to that funeral.
[691] I think you're also thinking of a mountain line, because a bobcat is basically like this big.
[692] Yes, the little one.
[693] I want the little one.
[694] I want to fight a very small animal.
[695] A house cat, perhaps?
[696] Yes.
[697] I'm constantly trying to...
[698] We have two cats.
[699] I'm constantly trying to corner it and fight it.
[700] There you go.
[701] You can train.
[702] That's normal.
[703] You're right.
[704] We got to get the size of the animal correct.
[705] Yeah.
[706] But I think what if I'm killed by an animal that literally is about like eight inches long?
[707] And then no one's coming to my funeral.
[708] A kitty fig. A kitty fig. He got a mold by a kitty pig.
[709] Conan got into it into a ham.
[710] There was a hamster that got loose from an elementary school.
[711] And still he was a bit much.
[712] Conan got off of his bike.
[713] Oh, my God.
[714] The hamster thought, Conan's a bit much.
[715] He seems a little coked up, and they fought and Conan lost.
[716] I did want to ask you about it because it's in the news every single day, and I know this is a huge issue for you.
[717] It's the least funny thing to bring up in the world, but I think about Ukraine every day just because it is such a big part of the news.
[718] And I know that this is where your people are from.
[719] You know, is Ukraine.
[720] And I watch, follow the news every day.
[721] And I think we're watching, people love to armchair quarterback and talk about how, you know, in the 1930s and 40s, you know, we really should have stood up to, you know, fascism.
[722] Sure.
[723] And if I were alive then, I really would have stood up.
[724] You know, we really needed to stand up to Hitler in 36 or something.
[725] And I really do feel like we're seeing this play out right now.
[726] And when people are indifferent about it or indifferent about Putin or in any way.
[727] I think you understand that this is the defining fight right now in the world.
[728] And 25 years from now, people are going to be seeing this as a very important outcome.
[729] For the world.
[730] For the entire world.
[731] For the world.
[732] Yes, correct.
[733] Yeah.
[734] I didn't mean to get all heavy, but I just thought, I kind of felt like I know this is important to you and wanted to talk about it because it, especially with the way the news has been on ruling recently with Putin getting incredibly desperate and back on his heels.
[735] Yeah.
[736] You know, it's one of these situations where I think everybody wishes, and it's weird how this war is affecting some people and other people are like, it's just a war over there.
[737] It doesn't affect me. And I understand that because I look at most wars over there and they don't affect me, right?
[738] And I keep trying to go, even if I wasn't from this country, even if I had no association with it, you have to look at this war as a defining moment for the West on so many.
[739] I won't go into politics, but what this will do to China if ex -person wins.
[740] You know what I mean?
[741] There's so many players here.
[742] And I was like, so just look at it strategically as like, this is a very important war.
[743] Not like should you care about the people or the refugees.
[744] If you don't have time for that, I totally respect that.
[745] You have busy.
[746] You got bills to pay.
[747] You got food to put on the table.
[748] I get it.
[749] But just remember that this is the breaking point for whether or not democracy lives or where democracy falls on the global scale.
[750] And that's the only thing that I ask of people.
[751] Like, just keep reading the news.
[752] Keep getting yourself invested.
[753] You don't have to do money or time.
[754] I mean, other than information.
[755] That being said, you look at what's happening in Iran right now.
[756] No one's talking about that either because that's not on the global scale.
[757] Right.
[758] Like that, that country is going to handle.
[759] That's not anyone's problem because it's isolated.
[760] It's not going to trigger a nuclear war.
[761] They look at Russia and Ukraine and people got upset.
[762] Like, why is the, because when it was popular, I got pushed back of like, this is only popular because, and they would give some BS reasoning, they don't talk about other wars or other natural disasters this way.
[763] And I was like, that is true.
[764] They should all talk about everything that's happening.
[765] But this has not happened in a very long time since the 80s, where there was this fear of a bigger problem.
[766] Yeah.
[767] But I go back to no one's talking about the women in Iran right now or what's happening there either.
[768] So there's a part of me that goes, you can only solve so many problems.
[769] Otherwise, it becomes overwhelming.
[770] The idea of like, how do I help there?
[771] What do I do there?
[772] How do I assist there?
[773] What can be done?
[774] It becomes insanely overwhelming.
[775] And so I think that's where our focus just kind of naturally went to logistics, going back to logic, like, how do you deal with things?
[776] And as much as I want to deal with emotion and take every kid in and save every mother and go in there and like give him one a hug, that's not the best use of time or energy at this point.
[777] And so we try to solve problems with logic.
[778] So we try to go logistics on everything.
[779] But that's how I could, otherwise, I would get incredibly overwhelmed.
[780] So what's the logic and logistics you use in Ukraine?
[781] Yeah.
[782] I know that you've, you and Ashton Freezed a ton of money.
[783] Yeah.
[784] I think we wanted to ban honestly we wanted to band -aid a problem until the government step in because realistically it war is a billion trillion dollar solution by all means it's not millions and so it was like 248 hours in 24 hours in and we realized that people were just not people kept call people were just so confused to what they can do right everybody people in general as human beings want to feel like they're a part of something they want to feel like they're a part of a solution they want to feel good about themselves they want to feel like they did their job and it was showcased in social media when it was like, you know, repost this photo and that means you stand with these people or turn your profile picture into this.
[785] And you saw that people naturally were doing the easy way, right?
[786] Like, they're like, if I click this, that means I'm for it.
[787] So I made a difference and I feel good about myself.
[788] So the thing that Ashton I wanted to do was to make sure people feel good about themselves.
[789] Because it does take time.
[790] It does take effort.
[791] But also people want to post it, repost it and showcase it.
[792] Cool.
[793] We did this with COVID with quarantine wine where we were like, okay, how do we raise money but also make people feel people like they're a part of something bigger, greater.
[794] So we did it through that, and it was successful on that part.
[795] And so when we started this process, we just had to band -aid a problem and make people feel like they're making an immediate difference, right?
[796] So if you were like, hey, give me $10, I'm going to go and buy a bunch of blankets and toothpaste.
[797] By the time I do all that, things will already be different 20 times over where the war is.
[798] People are super generous at donating.
[799] So there's tons and tons of warehouses full of blankets and toilet papers and all of the necessities that are needed during a crisis moment.
[800] but getting it from point eight to be is always difficult.
[801] And so we are part of this company called Flexport.
[802] And they just do natural, you know, they fly cargoes, right?
[803] They fly, they ship cargo.
[804] They're just a cargo company.
[805] There was a natural disaster in, oh gosh, I don't remember where it was maybe Puerto Rico, but I don't remember where it was.
[806] And they pivoted instead of doing like an NGO version to try to help because they realized that there was containers just sitting on the side not being moved full of, you know, blankets and all like the emergency.
[807] things that people need.
[808] So we facilitated that.
[809] So essentially what we did was we put point A to point B with vetted NGOs on both sides that already had everything ready to ship.
[810] We didn't need your money for the product.
[811] We just needed your money for the shipments.
[812] See that to me makes a lot of sense to me because I think there's a sense, it can lead to apathy.
[813] People, I think most people are good.
[814] I think most people are great, yes.
[815] I think Americans are very generous people.
[816] For a minute.
[817] Historically, yeah.
[818] Yeah, but they will, they do want to help.
[819] There's just an apathy that comes from, is this really going to get where it needs to go?
[820] Exactly.
[821] And, you know, I know I felt it myself, like I really want to help, but is this really - No one trust anybody.
[822] Look what's happening everywhere right now.
[823] Like all of, you know, unfortunately, all of these big NGOs, the CEO is caught doing, taking 10 % off the top, or this CEO is caught stealing the money.
[824] It's happening all the time.
[825] So I don't blame people for not trusting or being tentative about donating their hard -on $5.
[826] $10, let alone a hundred or a thousand.
[827] Yeah.
[828] But I think that hopefully, so we wanted to be super transparent.
[829] So we just kept posting videos about it and then showcasing the said plane going or the said cargo ship going.
[830] And so we're like, this is what we, and we did an outline of like how much money buys one flight round trip, how much money buys two cargoes.
[831] Like we, so you knew exactly where all the money was going.
[832] And then the housing of the refugees with Airbnb .org.
[833] That's already existing, right?
[834] So it's using existing infrastructure and amplifying that.
[835] Do you have any family in Ukraine?
[836] I have distant family.
[837] We were the last of my family to leave, so we were 91.
[838] My family left, I have to think about it, right after World War II.
[839] So my family was in the Holocaust, right?
[840] So the ones that survived.
[841] Some left in the 70s, some stayed.
[842] And then that was like one of the migrations was the 70s.
[843] And then the other one was like late 80s, early 90s, right at the fall.
[844] And so we were right at the fall.
[845] But we were the last of my immediate family to leave.
[846] We have something distant.
[847] It's really, I know that you're very, it's important to you that your kids know where they're from, that they know about their lineage.
[848] Yeah.
[849] Their Ukrainian lineage.
[850] And I know Sona, like this has been a big thing since I've known you.
[851] Armenia and your connection to Armenia is really important.
[852] Yes.
[853] And that that is something, it's harder for me to connect to, say, Ireland because we came here in the 19th century.
[854] And it just is so long ago.
[855] And it just doesn't feel, it doesn't have that same intensity when someone's, first generation.
[856] Yeah.
[857] Like where I feel like you, you, it's in your, I guess the same would be, it's in your blood, but it's stronger than that even.
[858] It just feels like it really is.
[859] You have a, you have a very strong connection.
[860] Yeah, you feel like you have to because I'm sorry, my voice is a little, it's gone.
[861] That's why I sound like this.
[862] She smoked a lot of pot.
[863] I did.
[864] Cocaine.
[865] Lots of cocaine.
[866] Cocaine laced marijuana.
[867] Yeah.
[868] But also in our house, you know, we speak Armenian.
[869] We speak English.
[870] And then my husband is from Armenia.
[871] So he's also a Soviet.
[872] Yeah.
[873] And so they speak a lot of Russian, too.
[874] Yeah.
[875] So you probably know Russian, Ukrainian and English.
[876] I don't speak Ukrainian.
[877] Oh, okay.
[878] Because I left in second grade, and that's when they start teaching Ukrainian.
[879] So when I was there, Russian was the main language.
[880] I left at USSR.
[881] So I left when everybody had to speak Russia.
[882] Yeah.
[883] There was no, everything else was secondary.
[884] So I think it was first or second grade, you start learning Ukrainian.
[885] But I left in second grade, so I never finished up.
[886] But if I heard Ukrainian, I attributed.
[887] to like Spanish and Portuguese.
[888] Like it's close enough where I can pinpoint some words and figure it out but I wouldn't be able to string a sentence together.
[889] Yeah.
[890] When I'm with her family, they just all aren't speaking.
[891] No one...
[892] No one understands anyone.
[893] Yeah, and there's very little English being spoken.
[894] They're very little English.
[895] That's good.
[896] Yeah.
[897] It is good.
[898] I don't know.
[899] I mean, do your parents speak?
[900] You like Russian with each other?
[901] My parents with each other?
[902] Yeah.
[903] Yeah, right?
[904] Oh, yeah.
[905] It's the language they're most comfortable with.
[906] Yes.
[907] And they do to, myself and my husband, until my husband points out, he's like, okay, like, he can understand enough.
[908] And then once it gets over a certain point of conversation, he's like, no, that, you got to, you got to flip that language.
[909] And so if you remind them, they'll, they'll remember to flip.
[910] But if they start, it always goes in the naturally direction.
[911] Which really, Sona's husband, TAC, who grew up in the Soviet Union, he, you know, they have these beautiful one -year -old twin boys, and he has some toys.
[912] He has Soviet toys Soviet toys.
[913] I did too.
[914] Like Vinny Pooch and...
[915] What I do?
[916] Vinny Poochuk and he had that...
[917] My kids do you have Crocodilegana.
[918] What's happening?
[919] So do my kids.
[920] Chiburashka is a big one.
[921] Hurley, help me. Hold on.
[922] I don't know.
[923] My kids have chiburashka, crocodile gana.
[924] They watched Vinipu when we were little.
[925] What is this?
[926] What's happening?
[927] Who's Vinny Pooh?
[928] Is Russian for Winnie the Pooh?
[929] Yes, but get this.
[930] And I don't know if your husband had the same experience that I did.
[931] But he's a good Soviet.
[932] He makes sure that everyone gets an equal amount of honey.
[933] The honey must be shared equally among the collective.
[934] Oh, bother.
[935] Okay, wait, wait, wait.
[936] So ask your husband this.
[937] This is a little embarrassing, but I think, okay, whatever.
[938] I was talking to Ashton eight, nine years ago.
[939] And we were talking about Winnie the Pooh.
[940] And I go, it's amazing that they created Winnie the Pooh.
[941] Poo in Russia.
[942] And then you guys picked it up here.
[943] Like, what, and he went.
[944] Oh, wow.
[945] Russia didn't create, we need the Poon.
[946] I was like, yeah, yeah, no, we did.
[947] We did.
[948] We had Vinipu.
[949] What?
[950] And he was like, yeah.
[951] Baby.
[952] You also, you guys also.
[953] Yeah, but sure we created Elvis.
[954] No, no. America stole Gilly Gien's Island.
[955] Which was just, again, a collective farming.
[956] on an island.
[957] And Vinnie Poop sounds, he's voiced by an actor who sounds like he's just been smoking cigarettes.
[958] A pack a day.
[959] What does he sound like?
[960] What I ain't doing this thing?
[961] Oh my God.
[962] Who's Eeyore?
[963] Is there an Eeyore?
[964] You know what?
[965] Oh my God.
[966] Eeyore is a, is a Marxist Leninist.
[967] Yeah, I can't.
[968] I can't handle it.
[969] And they're smoke.
[970] Can I can deal again the smokes?
[971] He's like, like they smoke.
[972] They don't know what Chiborashka is.
[973] They don't know what animal.
[974] He doesn't even know what he is.
[975] What is Chibaraska?
[976] My parents told me, and I already forgot what it was.
[977] Is this an animated character?
[978] It's like a chipmunk looking thing.
[979] Yes.
[980] But it has like, it looks a little bit like, what's that, what was that people in Deep Space 9?
[981] Ferengis?
[982] He looks like a Ferengis.
[983] Oh, my God.
[984] He looks like a Ferengi.
[985] Oh, it's only because she said F. Corley, do I congratulate you?
[986] Yes.
[987] He looks like a Ferengi.
[988] Oh, my God, do you that.
[989] Yeah.
[990] Eduardo just pulled up.
[991] What's his name?
[992] Chiburaska.
[993] And you know what?
[994] Do you actually have a Chiburaska doll?
[995] Of course I do.
[996] Mine has PJs on.
[997] Yeah.
[998] Do you realize it has a camera in it and it's watching everything you do?
[999] Chiburaska sees all.
[1000] Do you realize there's somebody in a van in like Minsk?
[1001] Watching a screen monitoring you and Ashton.
[1002] Everything you do.
[1003] Okay.
[1004] Chiburaska.
[1005] Every now and then its head turned slightly.
[1006] Chiburaska is most displeased.
[1007] I'm going to find you, Chiburashka.
[1008] I'm going to get one for you.
[1009] Oh, my God.
[1010] I have to see these toys.
[1011] They're fantastic.
[1012] They're really funny.
[1013] The one thing you have to be careful.
[1014] And they sing.
[1015] They sing.
[1016] Yeah, they sing.
[1017] Like what?
[1018] No, the song.
[1019] You would know better.
[1020] Like, I forgot the Krakadil Gia in the song.
[1021] But it's just their theme songs.
[1022] They sing the theme songs.
[1023] They sing the theme songs.
[1024] But I'm like, da, da, da, da, da.
[1025] The great thing is, that's the people.
[1026] People's song, so they don't have to play rights.
[1027] Yeah.
[1028] You know?
[1029] We have to pay anybody.
[1030] We all are that.
[1031] That's absolutely fantastic.
[1032] Yeah.
[1033] I love it.
[1034] And also in American toys, they say, like, watch out could be a choking hazard.
[1035] With these toys, they say, watch out, these toys are prone to depression.
[1036] I am sad.
[1037] I'm a three.
[1038] Oh, my God.
[1039] Yeah.
[1040] That's fantastic.
[1041] I can listen to you two go on about sugar.
[1042] No, no. Seriously, this is a whole other thing.
[1043] You guys going on.
[1044] Do you have the Russian toy?
[1045] My parents got it for him, but talk about, like, this is hazardous.
[1046] It's metal with, like, sharp plastic, and then you push it on top and it spins.
[1047] It's, like, a giant spinning, like...
[1048] Oh, no, we have, like, a plastic version of that.
[1049] Oh, no, not the...
[1050] Oh, G -1?
[1051] Oh, yeah, no. Like the tin top?
[1052] Yeah, that used to be here.
[1053] No, but with it, but it has, like, spikes.
[1054] No, it doesn't have spikes.
[1055] It's, it will detonate if you hit it too hard.
[1056] No, it is, I mean, it is crazy how.
[1057] I mean, I see this all the time.
[1058] You know, we're so safety conscious with our toys.
[1059] And when we had kids and I would go and see the toys, everything is they've thought a million different ways.
[1060] And the minute there's any hint that some little thing might be slightly hazardous, the toy is recalled.
[1061] And then whenever you're over in Europe, you'll see like, oh, it's spiky, the iron spike, you know.
[1062] Or the slides?
[1063] Yes, the slides.
[1064] The slides is like a, I mean, it's a death trap.
[1065] They're metal.
[1066] They're very steep.
[1067] they hurt you and I kept putting my kids on them we were in Budapest and so we would take him to these parks and it was like steel communist parks and I was just like you were going to put my baby on that slide and I was like well I went on them I'm okay if you don't I will that's fantastic none of these would pass muster in there's just a different attitude which sometimes it's like a little refreshing like you get on a boat and it's like yeah maybe we have a couple of life jackets.
[1068] Shut up.
[1069] Get on the boat.
[1070] What's the worst thing could happen?
[1071] You know?
[1072] It's a very different idea.
[1073] It's different.
[1074] I mean, having married a Soviet, there is definitely just like that very distinct difference in how he was raised and how I was raised.
[1075] Yeah.
[1076] Not how we were raised, but how we grew up.
[1077] But also it talks about when you were raised because my father's a doctor and I said to him once, you know, peanut allergy thing.
[1078] It's this new?
[1079] Like, because I, you know, I read history a lot and never heard about it growing up at all about peanut allergy.
[1080] I said, is this something that developed later?
[1081] And my father went, oh, no, no, there was, there were always peanut allergies.
[1082] Always.
[1083] They always existed because, you know, this is a scientist.
[1084] He knows this stuff.
[1085] And I said, really, well, what did people do then?
[1086] He went, oh, a lot of people died.
[1087] There was a different time.
[1088] There were other priorities.
[1089] Yeah, there are other priorities.
[1090] Like, well, we got nine kids.
[1091] So two of them just ate some peanuts and died.
[1092] Well, the other ones seem to not have the allergy.
[1093] Let's keep moving.
[1094] Let's get that burrow out of the mud and get going.
[1095] So I want to make sure that I talk about your movie, which I watched last night, which I really enjoyed luckiest girl alive.
[1096] And I know this is an important project for you because you're also a producer.
[1097] Right?
[1098] Yeah.
[1099] This was a book.
[1100] It was a book.
[1101] Yeah, it was a New York Times bestseller.
[1102] Well, I'm super proud of it.
[1103] I think it's a really, it's an amazing fun story.
[1104] Well, you tell me what you think, but be honest.
[1105] I will be completely honest with you.
[1106] I thought you were fantastic.
[1107] And then there's also an actress who plays you at a younger age.
[1108] And she often in movies when they cut to, it's very tricky because you're, you know, you're a very well -known, iconic person.
[1109] And when you cut to the, well, you are.
[1110] You mean, you're, you know, come on.
[1111] Thank you.
[1112] Milakunis.
[1113] So when they cut to a younger Milakunis, it's easy not to buy it.
[1114] And I thought she was fantastic.
[1115] I thought there was an amazing kind of symbiotic attachment with you to where I completely bought, when they're cutting back to her that this is you at a younger age and that you have a lot of what's made you as an adult is this trauma that you had when you were younger.
[1116] And so I thought that was really well done.
[1117] Yeah, it's a really hard movie to pitch or to talk about because you don't want to, it's a fun ride.
[1118] I mean, I know it sounds, it's a heavy topic.
[1119] so I'm not trying to dilute the, by saying it fun, but it's an exciting story to watch unfold, I hope, I think.
[1120] I also had the luxury of having the writer on set with me all the time who wrote the book and wrote the script, who this is slightly based off of her story.
[1121] Wow.
[1122] And so it was just a really, honestly, I know it sounds odd to say for the content of the film, but it was one of the most fun productions I've ever been on.
[1123] And also, when you're a producer on the film as well, doesn't, does that, I mean, every role you do, it feels like you are completely invested.
[1124] Yeah.
[1125] as an actor, does that, is anything change when you're also producing?
[1126] Yeah.
[1127] You start realizing what budgets are.
[1128] I can just see you too going by the craft service table and say, wait a minute, wait minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
[1129] That's a lot of casserole.
[1130] There could be, and there's a lot of tuna in the casserole.
[1131] There could be less tuna in the casserole because that stuff isn't cheap.
[1132] Yeah, there's that.
[1133] I mean, it is.
[1134] You just understand where your own money comes from.
[1135] Like, you realize you're like, I'm on a double, like you just realize, why would I take for myself?
[1136] So there's a difference there.
[1137] You want to make sure everything happens.
[1138] Time is of the...
[1139] You realize what time costs in pre -production.
[1140] You understand what setbacks are that I, as an actor, would be like, well, that's their problem.
[1141] That is not my problem.
[1142] You figure out a new location.
[1143] And now I'm like, oh, we got...
[1144] You got to go figure this up.
[1145] So there's that.
[1146] And then you also are much more invested in the outcome of the film.
[1147] Right.
[1148] So, you know, there's a little bit more on it.
[1149] Like, if it's successful, then I'll be given the right to produce more content as a producer.
[1150] But if it's, you know what I mean?
[1151] There's like, this is a little bit of new territory, so you still have to build a people's trust in that regard.
[1152] I had an experience this summer where I was asked to be in a film, not a huge role, and I'd never done anything like that before.
[1153] And it's not my jam.
[1154] And I never was interested in being an actor, but the people making the film were people I really love.
[1155] And I was intrigued.
[1156] And I was like, yeah, okay, I'll do this.
[1157] This is a good time.
[1158] I'm not doing the late night show anymore.
[1159] So I got to try this.
[1160] I couldn't believe how hard it is.
[1161] Oh, really?
[1162] It's so different because what I'm used to is get in there, make the show.
[1163] It's a kind of, they're both hard in their way.
[1164] I love them, but they're hard in their way.
[1165] But I couldn't believe how hard everybody on a film works.
[1166] They're there all practice all day.
[1167] Yeah.
[1168] Everyone's constantly on their feet.
[1169] I just was blown away.
[1170] I was, I really was impressed.
[1171] And afterwards, they, whenever I had my last shot, and they said, okay, you know, we're rapping Conan.
[1172] I just said, I have to tell you people.
[1173] I cannot believe how hard all of you work.
[1174] Yeah.
[1175] And so now I see films differently.
[1176] Yeah.
[1177] I watch films and I think, oh, my God, to do this scene.
[1178] Over and over and over and over again from every angle.
[1179] I know that you're there.
[1180] I know how many people are stepping in in between takes to make sure everything's right and relighting.
[1181] Yep.
[1182] It's an incredible amount of work.
[1183] Grueling.
[1184] This was hard for me and I had incredibly labbing things.
[1185] Yes.
[1186] Put in my, I mean, my representation made sure that I was massaged every hour.
[1187] You were pampered.
[1188] Oh my God.
[1189] Every scene I'm in, I'm in a bubble bath.
[1190] Which wasn't called for in the script.
[1191] That was just yours.
[1192] They just roll it in and I'm like, hello, gentlemen.
[1193] So you're the murderer.
[1194] Yes, I am.
[1195] And then they'd roll me out and it hurts the movie terribly.
[1196] What is this?
[1197] Oh, the movie is, it's the guys from Saturday at Live, please don't destroy.
[1198] Yeah.
[1199] And they make these amazing shorts and they, they asked me if I would do a small thing in their film and I did and I adore them and I love their work.
[1200] And so, uh, did you play Conan O 'Brien?
[1201] No, that was the thing that I, oh, you played a kid.
[1202] Yeah, because, you know, when a talk show host is in one of those things, it's usually as a talk show host.
[1203] Yes, you go in as a talk show host and that I got asked to do a million times and I would, you know, do it.
[1204] And sometimes I show up in a movie as, you know, Hi, everybody, Conan here, and we're talking to, and, you know, fake person who, you know, who is part of a movie and you're part of that reality.
[1205] But it's not real.
[1206] But this, I got to be someone who's very different from me, which was fun.
[1207] Oh, that's exciting.
[1208] Acting, Coen.
[1209] No, no, no. Yeah, and you'll, I'm sure I'll be cut out.
[1210] It doesn't matter.
[1211] I had a really good experience.
[1212] And as long as they send me the footage, I'm cut out of, I'll be very happy about that.
[1213] Hey, thank you so much for being here.
[1214] I mean it when I say I'm very impressed with you as a person.
[1215] I really am.
[1216] You're just completely unchanged by all this stuff that you've gone through.
[1217] You are.
[1218] You really are.
[1219] I feel like at this point, I'm almost old.
[1220] I don't think it's going to change.
[1221] I think this is it.
[1222] I don't think it's going anywhere.
[1223] You're not old yet.
[1224] I don't know.
[1225] Next year, I have a whole new number that I'm transitioning into.
[1226] The big three zero.
[1227] Yes.
[1228] I was trying to convince my kids I had a new age.
[1229] So I was turning 39.
[1230] And I was trying to tell my kids, I was like, okay, mommy's turning 35.
[1231] I'll just practice.
[1232] 35.
[1233] And my daughter, who's like, like rules are rules.
[1234] Like, you don't mess with rules.
[1235] She was like, you are not.
[1236] And you are lying.
[1237] And that is, I mean, like, dead pen.
[1238] And I was like, yo, listen, let's just practice.
[1239] Like, if someone were to ask, how old's your mommy, what do we say?
[1240] And my daughter goes, 39.
[1241] You're 39.
[1242] And I was like, oh, she's not even like my, like, homie.
[1243] I was like, forget it.
[1244] You know, I flipped over into just, I'm trying to embrace that idea that when people in the old days used to, we're old, they were proud of it.
[1245] I know.
[1246] They were like, you know what?
[1247] I'm 70 because no one got to be 70 back then.
[1248] So I'm more and more trying to embrace the idea that I've been around a long time and you punks don't know anything.
[1249] You're right.
[1250] I mean, that is the real ways.
[1251] we're so fortunate that we are like we yes for sure but still I look at that number and I go oh my god I remember my parents being that number oh that I do all the time and I was like I wanted to put them in a home then oh my gosh seriously they were very healthy oh man active people with good jobs and I was like I really think it's time I'd have a van come show up occasionally and they'd be like no what are you talking about we're extremely healthy viable is your dad still practicing medicine he does Still, still, yeah, communicate with, he doesn't go into the lab every day, but he still is thinking about it and active and he's working on antibiotic resistance.
[1252] And I mean, he's been, he's been.
[1253] Wow.
[1254] Yeah, incredible.
[1255] Both my parents have really strong work ethic.
[1256] Do you mom still work?
[1257] She does not still work.
[1258] Oh, okay.
[1259] So less of a strong work.
[1260] So she's a failure is what you're saying.
[1261] She's an incredible lazy.
[1262] Sit around the house.
[1263] Sucking on some, a cheap box of wine.
[1264] What a lazy, broad.
[1265] Yeah.
[1266] Oh, well, thank you so much for being here.
[1267] Thank you for having me. This was great.
[1268] Thanks for having me. Thanks, guys.
[1269] No one got hurt.
[1270] Interesting phenomenon has been occurring lately.
[1271] I give an example.
[1272] Just a couple days ago, I was in the supermarket and I was picking up a few things.
[1273] And I come around the aisle.
[1274] And as I'm coming around the aisle, I practically collide with this young woman who's, we don't, we just have baskets.
[1275] You know, I didn't have that much to get.
[1276] I want to say I had like five.
[1277] And I'm going to say she had like four.
[1278] She had a basket.
[1279] But we kind of collided almost with each other.
[1280] And I said, oh, excuse me. And she looked up and she had little earbuds in her ears.
[1281] And she took an earbud out and she said, I'm listening to your podcast right now.
[1282] Which freaked me out a little bit because it was I'm interrupting myself.
[1283] And I sent out a tweet about this.
[1284] I took a selfie.
[1285] I asked if it was okay.
[1286] And we took a selfie and sent it out.
[1287] But I realized it's been happening more frequently.
[1288] If I'm around, walking around, I'll bump into someone.
[1289] and they'll say, it actually happened near our podcast studio here in Larchmontson and said, oh, I'm listening to you right now.
[1290] Huh.
[1291] And it feels like we need to discuss this, meaning what should the etiquette be?
[1292] Do I need to reward these people somehow?
[1293] Oh.
[1294] You know what I mean?
[1295] Do I need to have a Willy Wonka golden ticket on me at all times?
[1296] If you're listening to the podcast and you can prove it as you pass me, is there a secret handshake?
[1297] I mean, that's all.
[1298] I'm just opening this up.
[1299] And it may be that we decide, no, there's nothing we do.
[1300] I have no obligation to these people.
[1301] But it's a phenomenon that has not existed before.
[1302] No one could run into me while they were watching my late night show all those years because they were in their home watching it.
[1303] So this is a new thing where people are walking around, roaming around, possibly listening to me. And as we know, I'm not some, you know, one of those celebs that is always hidden from public view.
[1304] I do everything I can to be seen constantly.
[1305] You do.
[1306] That's another thing.
[1307] They might see you put the podcast on and be like, oh my God, I'm listening to you right now.
[1308] Whatever pumps my ego pumps my ego.
[1309] I don't care at all.
[1310] You're okay with that.
[1311] I'm okay with them cheating.
[1312] I'm wondering, are there people who are listening to the podcast and see me and go, oh, God, and go the other way.
[1313] Does that happen?
[1314] Oh, interesting.
[1315] Yeah, like, I can't take a double dose of this guy's voice right now.
[1316] I doubt that.
[1317] I bet they'd be more embarrassed to say, oh, I'm actually listening to you right now, and they'll seem obsessed with you, which you would love.
[1318] I would love that.
[1319] I would love that.
[1320] Yeah.
[1321] I get really weird when people say they recognize my voice to the point where I feel like, because you are also a people pleaser.
[1322] So I don't know if I need to give them something.
[1323] And sometimes I'm like, do I give them Conan's number?
[1324] I love that.
[1325] You're my personal assistant and you're thinking about giving people my personal phone number.
[1326] Should we call you?
[1327] You know what you should do is hand them your phone and say you get to pick one celebrity phone number out of there.
[1328] Yeah.
[1329] And guess what?
[1330] I would not be the pick of the numbers that you probably have.
[1331] It's very exciting.
[1332] It's just something that I thought this is a new technology has created a new situation where someone can be hearing your voice, walking around in the world, and then encounter you.
[1333] And so if that happens, it feels like I don't know.
[1334] I'm just questioning.
[1335] I think you should give every person that's listening to you and finds you in public $100.
[1336] And then make this kind of like a treasure hunt, you know?
[1337] I guess fuck you.
[1338] Is the appropriate response?
[1339] I'm sorry.
[1340] $500.
[1341] Now you're talking.
[1342] No. No, I do not want to do that.
[1343] You know, right now what happens when people see me and they want to show that they know them, and this happens all the time is they say, Katakai as God, and that happens, I don't know.
[1344] I don't know what the answer is.
[1345] I mean, I just didn't know if there's a little, you know, because I want to, I'm very appreciative that people listen.
[1346] Isn't the gift, the podcast?
[1347] Like, you're welcome.
[1348] The gifts, the podcast, all along.
[1349] You're welcome, right?
[1350] You should, when people say, hey, I'm listening to you right now, you should just be like, you're welcome.
[1351] Yeah, with real attitude.
[1352] Yeah.
[1353] Like, fuck you, you're welcome.
[1354] Yeah.
[1355] Maybe that's your thing.
[1356] I love that.
[1357] Fuck you, you're welcome.
[1358] Yeah.
[1359] Hey, Conan.
[1360] I'm just encountering you right now at this Buddhist temple.
[1361] You're lighting a candle.
[1362] And I also happen to be listening to, fuck you!
[1363] You're welcome.
[1364] Oh, why.
[1365] So on the podcast, you're talking about how kindness is important.
[1366] Yeah, well, that's the podcast.
[1367] You're lucky to get it.
[1368] It's pretty hard to get.
[1369] It's actually free and available wherever you get your podcast.
[1370] Yeah, that's what I'm going to.
[1371] to do.
[1372] You're like, you're welcome for that gift I gave you.
[1373] You know, I don't know.
[1374] So you went one way.
[1375] Gorley went to you, I hand them a crisp hundred dollar bill.
[1376] Mint issue.
[1377] We're very different.
[1378] You know what?
[1379] I should have gag $100 bills made.
[1380] It looks like a $100 bill, but really it's my face on it.
[1381] Yeah.
[1382] And it says, you've been Conan.
[1383] And I'm making like a really lascivious face on it.
[1384] And I've got moose antlers and, you know.
[1385] That's the same as saying, fuck you.
[1386] Yeah.
[1387] Well, that's on the other.
[1388] side where usually there's the pyramid with the eye.
[1389] That's where this is the fuck you.
[1390] You got to, you know, you got to lay these things out.
[1391] Anyway, we haven't figured it out yet, but if you do see me and you are listening to the podcast, when you see me, actually, yeah, when you see Conan, just go up to him and go, fuck you.
[1392] No, don't, don't do that.
[1393] What if I'm with my kids?
[1394] That's going to be traumatic for me. Don't do that.
[1395] Don't do that.
[1396] Don't do that.
[1397] No, no. Don't do that.
[1398] Don't do that.
[1399] Thanks.
[1400] Thanks a lot, Matt.
[1401] You're a good guy.
[1402] You're welcome.
[1403] My daughter will be crying.
[1404] Why did that happen?
[1405] No, she'll probably laugh.
[1406] Oh, yeah.
[1407] They love it when I'm verbally assaulted on the street.
[1408] Well, what a wonderful session.
[1409] What a nice button to a session.
[1410] We did it again.
[1411] Yep.
[1412] All right.
[1413] Well, I'll see you out there.
[1414] Keep on listening, fans.
[1415] And fuck you.
[1416] You're welcome.
[1417] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam O 'Sessian, and Matt Goorley.
[1418] Produced by me, Matt Goorley.
[1419] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coo, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[1420] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[1421] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[1422] Take it away, Jimmy.
[1423] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[1424] Engineering by Will Beckton, additional production support by Mars Melnick.
[1425] talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Kahn.
[1426] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[1427] Got a question for Conan?
[1428] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.
[1429] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[1430] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[1431] This has been a Team Cocoa.
[1432] production in association with Ewol.