Moment 170: The Scientific Method For Unstoppable Confidence: Professor Steve Peters

[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?

[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.

[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.

[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.

[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel.

[5] right now.

[6] So if I'm 30 -odd, you know, and I've got low self -esteem, I'm, you know, I'm 33, got low self -esteem and I came to you, where would you begin with trying to help, and that low self -esteem was manifesting in abusive relationships, bad work relationships, very negative sort of feelings about myself and maybe even some impulsive behaviours, you know, I'm eating too much or I'm, I don't know, whatever, where would you start with me?

[7] Okay.

[8] The first, I mean, just so people say, oh, wow, that's a strange start point.

[9] I'm a doctor, so the first is make sure you're actually okay.

[10] I'm okay.

[11] Because if someone were presenting with this, it could be in depression, and that can present in many ways.

[12] Typically, it's low mood and loss of pleasure and everything and loss of energy, but that doesn't have to be, so I mustn't miss that.

[13] So I would make sure your mind is not ill, but don't need treatment.

[14] Now we assume that this is longstanding, and what you've done is you, what you're describing is a, lot of maladaptive coping strategies.

[15] So I eat too much, which is probably comfort eating, or it's just habitual stuff that you just not, you know, or it could be you've got so low self -esteem I've seen this, you're almost punishing yourself.

[16] You know, I don't deserve to eat well, and I don't deserve to eat the right things.

[17] So I deserve to be overweight, or I deserve to look like this.

[18] So that could be the bottom it.

[19] So I have to start, my starting point is an exploration.

[20] But the key to this would be to move all that to one side, if you're in a reasonable place where you can actually communicate.

[21] If not, I let you express it all.

[22] It's important you get it off your chest.

[23] If you've got it, you think, I don't need to do that.

[24] What I do is what I've seen the book here.

[25] In a path of jungle, I explain the starting point is get a blank piece of paper and write down who you want to be.

[26] What behaviors do you want to have?

[27] Let's define what you want, not what you don't want, not what you're experiencing.

[28] Don't start with a treacle.

[29] I call that the treacle.

[30] Start with a blank piece of paper.

[31] And then write down the person you want be?

[32] I want to be really confident.

[33] I want to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

[34] I want to get married.

[35] I want to have kids.

[36] I want to work out every day.

[37] I want to eat really good food.

[38] Right.

[39] So what you're describing now is the human system.

[40] The great news is when I ask you with the characteristics you've got, so I want to be calm, I want to be happy, I want to be confident.

[41] That is you.

[42] That is you.

[43] How do you know it's me?

[44] Right.

[45] Because if we were, we can't surgically remove interference neuroscientifically, which we can see on functional MRI scanners, if we remove the chimp and computer system, then you're completely in control of yourself.

[46] So you would choose to be calm.

[47] You would choose to be confident.

[48] So therefore that's you.

[49] The human system can choose.

[50] What happens is when you choose to be calm, the chimp system interferes or the computer interferes and throws shows to the world someone who's not calm.

[51] So it's very important to recognize who you are before we start So now we've got a guy, you're not going to write, no one ever writes anxious.

[52] No one.

[53] They say, no, what I want to be is calm, collected, a good friend, have integrity.

[54] That is you if we didn't have interference in the machine.

[55] So it's very crucial.

[56] This is the biggest point in the book, the biggest point, is to define yourself because now you've got self -esteem can rise just on that alone.

[57] Once you've grasped that, you say, wow, when I'm presenting the world is interference.

[58] It's not me. If I didn't have this machine, I would not have anxiety because that's a system that you say in the human system can't do anxiety.

[59] It's not built to do that.

[60] It's built to be rational and calm.

[61] But what it wants to do and how it wants to present is a choice.

[62] The chimp has no choice.

[63] The computer has no choice.

[64] The computer is programmed, but these are interfering and presenting to the world someone who is not you.

[65] So it's very important to grasp that concept.

[66] That's my starting point.

[67] Now we've grasped that, we build on that.

[68] So now I know who you are.

[69] I'll say this, sometimes when you were the friend and you've been chatting a while, and maybe it's got late in the evening, and you've got a lot off your chest and you've discussed, you calm down.

[70] And sometimes the real you presents.

[71] And suddenly you feel at peace.

[72] People often say, I don't know, it's just now, I felt totally relaxed and thought, I've got perspective, I gather the world's the way it is, I accept things are, And I've calmed down.

[73] And then suddenly you see the real person.

[74] And they've got morals and values and not every human has.

[75] Sometimes the chimps the good guy.

[76] You know, sometimes the human's not nice.

[77] So I do get people who do not write, for example, who you are.

[78] They don't write compassion.

[79] They don't write integrity.

[80] They don't care.

[81] And if I challenge you, you didn't put compassion.

[82] And they say, I don't bother about that.

[83] So I have to work out who you are.

[84] Okay?

[85] So not everyone is going to write the same thing.

[86] That's why I know it's you and not just a generic list.

[87] Because someone could just be virtue signalling because you're asking me to do it or because I want to be these people.

[88] But really I'm a burglar, I'm a bad guy, you know, I want to hurt people.

[89] Yeah, I'll tease that out.

[90] How do you, how?

[91] That's my job.

[92] Because again, then you look at evidence based and you look at remorse, you look at whether somebody compensates for mistakes, you look, there's a lot of things, I want to see the history here.

[93] Okay, okay.

[94] And then I'll challenge that and challenge it.

[95] So that's a series of talks.

[96] So often we have a long time when we did it.

[97] someone to explore this so we don't get fooled.

[98] Is this, and you talk referencing much of your psychiatric work here within psych hospitals?

[99] Yeah.

[100] So somebody is psychopathic.

[101] Generally, everyone's a different version of what it is.

[102] For me, a neuroscientific, you know, there's certain tracks in the brain that are not really fully developed or don't function.

[103] And this produces someone without empathy, without remorse, without any conscience.

[104] These are classic.

[105] And so I don't know that.

[106] I'm not a mind reader.

[107] I can't tell until people talk.

[108] you know, so yes, they could deceive me. I have to just go on what they tell me, but I can listen carefully to the words they use and listen to what they're saying at and look at their past life events and it starts to unravel.

[109] So eventually you think, okay, I know what I'm dealing with now.

[110] But to be honest, people don't do that with me. What you tend is, because I would hopefully set a scene where I don't care what you're right.

[111] I don't care what you want to do with your life.

[112] It's not for me. I'm not a judge.

[113] I'm here as a doctor to explore this with you and get insights for yourself.

[114] So the most people are not psychopathic.

[115] We're decent people who've just got lost in the way the neuroscience of our mind has tumbled us.

[116] So my starting point when you gave me all this was to say, let's write out the real you.

[117] And let's start building ourselves on that and recognizing what is not us.

[118] And let's start unpicking it.

[119] So let's just start saying, right, why would you have?

[120] And we went earlier about low self -esteem.

[121] Let's look at why you have that.

[122] First, it's natural unhealthy.

[123] That can help people.

[124] Sometimes just saying that to go, that's amazing.

[125] I feel better for knowing it's natural and healthy, maybe rubbish and unhelpful, but at least I know it's healthy.

[126] And there's not something wrong with me. Because the second you start saying, oh, I'm trying to please people and I can't say no, and you see that as being a weakness or a fault, we're in trouble again, because you're muddling yourself up with a machine.

[127] So that's my starting point.

[128] Who are you?

[129] What's the machine doing?

[130] All of this, anything the chimp does, anything it does is natural.

[131] there's nothing you're going to give me even if it murders someone that's what chimps do they're violent so it's still illegal and not acceptable but I'm saying everything's natural so that puts us on a different way of looking at it again to try and give context to that natural isn't always good so overeating is natural but it's not good and even like the classic one I always use with parents and teenagers I always say if you've got said it this morning with someone if you've got a teenager who's got a tidy bedroom, that's what I want to meet.

[132] If they're messy bedroom, great, that's normal, you know.

[133] So you're more concerned with teenagers that aren't being teenagers.

[134] So if you've got a teenager who never lies, then it's a bit worrying.

[135] Maybe they're good at deceit.

[136] Because teenagers are learning to lie and they're learning to defend themselves and it's a natural way doing it.

[137] It's not helpful and hopefully the ground of it.

[138] But you've got to say what's natural and let's work with that to minimize risk or whatever we want to do.

[139] So there's a long -winded way of saying, you know, get you to be yourself, get your machine, let's see what the machine's doing and let's change the coping strategies.

[140] But I accept the machine is the machine.

[141] Did you know that the Dariovacio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?

[142] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.

[143] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets, and along with the Dyer of a CO channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.

[144] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.