#160 - Eddie Bravo

[0] The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Those are the longest commercials we've ever done But whatever It's not really commercial Telling you some stories in there, right?

[1] Some shit going down It ain't that simple Eddie Bravo, my friend Eddie Bravo is here Thank you for having me Thank you.

[2] Joe Diaz was supposed to be here with us but Joe Rogan I got the other things I got to do I'm going to be there at 9 o 'clock I'm going to be there at 9 o 'clock So Joey will be here when we do another podcast He actually never agreed to do it.

[3] He never did.

[4] Yeah, I thought he was going to do it.

[5] I twittered it.

[6] I twittered it, and he calls me up and tells me, man, you don't know anything unless you talk to me. I'm like, oh, shit.

[7] I thought I did agree to it.

[8] He agreed it to me. Joey's crazy.

[9] It's okay.

[10] You got the wife.

[11] I got things I got a do, dog.

[12] Yeah, you know what?

[13] I shouldn't have jumped the gun, though.

[14] I shouldn't have jumped a gun.

[15] And tweeting it?

[16] Yeah, because he, because everyone, a lot of people.

[17] He's got everybody scared.

[18] Joey's got everybody scared.

[19] You can't even tweet things that you said he would do.

[20] What the, fuck you went to tweet that what the fuck dog what the fuck dog did i tell you to tweet that what the fuck do you do with tweeting that he's the best though i fuck i don't mind no you didn't fuck up you fucked up in the world of joey in the regular world what you did was normal he told me he was gonna do it he then then he said to me on the phone today if you want me to do these things dog you gotta talk to me a day before i did talk to you day before we talked about yesterday but you know he's joey d 'is hopefully he comes tonight though he's gonna come tonight he just doesn't want to be here all day but you know what he might not come tonight i mean he reserves the right to not show up all your shows happened before luckily it does he done that twice or three times yeah he just doesn't show up sometimes yeah luckily it doesn't matter he's so he's such a wild motherfucker that's why you like him because he's so random yeah it doesn't matter he could flake on three shows four shows we still love him well it doesn't matter it took me not really that long to realize that you don't get a personality like that without some quirks you know a person I mean that's just the impulsiveness of the reason why he's so funny you know it's all just his his own special blend, his own special personality.

[21] You know, it's just a he's just an unusual dude and you got to accept that.

[22] You got to let him be who he is.

[23] That's why I started taking two comics on the road with me. I used to only take one, but that one was Joey a lot of time.

[24] And a lot of time Joey would just fucking, he just would vanish on you.

[25] And so I started taking other dudes.

[26] Yeah.

[27] And so it became two.

[28] And then I realized when you take two, it's more fun anyway.

[29] You know, it becomes like a party, you know?

[30] Like one dude is good, but when you go on the road with like two, three dudes, that's when it becomes really fun you know it doesn't feel bad you know like when we go on the road you eddie used to go on the road with us all the time for years for years and when we would go on the road you know it never felt like we were at home it just we had different places where we slept but everything else is the same was just all our friends going out to eat all our friends you know drinking or whatever all our friends at the shows it seemed to be like we were just hanging out which is beautiful where you never you know you don't get that horrible fucking loneliness that a lot of comics get when they go on the road man they just it's them alone in a hotel room after the show just wishing they were home missing their girl missing their dog oh just desperate there's a lot of dudes who gets fucking seriously depressed from road traveling i can imagine man i hate being gone just for two or three days can you imagine being like a hefron that's like gone for like a whole month almost sometimes and he doesn't bring guys with him yeah he's not going with a bunch of his buddies that sounded gay bring guys with him why does it sound gay no no actually it sounded non gay And he doesn't bring guys with him.

[31] Jesus.

[32] I don't know why he even thought like that.

[33] I don't know, man. Sad you would think that way.

[34] Are there comics out there?

[35] Are there comics out there that bring chicks with them everywhere they go?

[36] Sure.

[37] Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[38] There's one comic that did our podcast, and I knew he was going to bring his fucking wife.

[39] He brings her everywhere, dude.

[40] I've never seen him without her.

[41] She's really hot, and he's really not.

[42] And he's like, I got this bitch.

[43] She ain't going nowhere.

[44] And he just brings her everywhere, everywhere they go.

[45] and he brought her on the podcast and we had to get her a microphone because she was talking so we had to turn a microphone it's like she kept on talking off mic so it was constant like just alright here's a mic yeah it was well it wasn't reluctant I like her she's nice she's you know she's not stupid she's smart person but it's just he's just one of those dudes he just can't he doesn't go anywhere without his girl yeah people do that man he's probably listening to the show right that's okay we didn't say anything bad it's all true he's a great guy I love him hey Eddie did you release a new music video recently or have you released it yet or what's going on with that the music video we were going to release it last week but it turns out it's there's still some color colorization left to do some technical shit but we're going to drop it probably first or second week of december awesome we're gonna but uh i can't wait to see it it's it's pretty dope man what's the song it's the song did you redo the whole song did you because you had an original song right now did you redo it or did you it's it's really dope it or did you What did you change?

[46] Well, this would happen.

[47] Raqa, who is the rapper for Dilated People's, he does jiu -jitsu with Henner and Huron.

[48] And we had a mutual friend.

[49] His name was Adisa.

[50] And he's like, dude, man, I'm going to hook you and Raqa up together.

[51] You guys make music together.

[52] And he kept talking about it for like a year.

[53] He would call me. He goes, where in Hollywood?

[54] Where are you at?

[55] I wasn't there.

[56] Then after a year, he finally link up.

[57] He ends up at my studio.

[58] And I had some songs.

[59] I was going to, you know, some tracks I was going to play for him.

[60] I had three of them, and he was going to choose which one he wanted to throw a verse over.

[61] That was the first plan, but, you know, what do we sing about?

[62] Or what is the song going to be about?

[63] And I thought, you know, since he's here, because Adisa kept going, dude, do you know what's happening?

[64] That's, he's deep with the graces, with Henner and Horriott and all of them.

[65] And your 10th planet, you guys coming together with music?

[66] And he's like, it's a big deal.

[67] And I thought, well, why don't we, why doesn't the song just be called Jiu -Jitsu?

[68] And we just, you know, and he rat, dude, I don't know if you heard it, but.

[69] No. His verse, when he dropped it, played him some beats.

[70] It took him about 45 minutes to write the verse and boom.

[71] And then Compella, the guy that's in my band, who I always work with, and Alex were on the side working on a verse two so that we ended up just going, why don't you, Rocket take the first verse, Compella took the second, and Alex did the third.

[72] Will it be fun for people who don't do Jiu -Jitsu?

[73] Do you think about that or do you say, fuck it, let's just do it for us?

[74] It's really all about, you know, to me, my opinion, the best music is when it's personal.

[75] If you're trying to write to, you know, so that people can relate to it, that's, in my case, in my opinion, I think that's garbage.

[76] I think that's how it is with everything.

[77] Yeah, you got to write.

[78] And it was just perfect because that's what it was about.

[79] He showed up and we're like, man, it is the Gracie's rep, you know, and 10th Planet coming together.

[80] So the song is about bearing like any kind of negative emotions or negative energy that there is with 10th planet.

[81] And let's just bury that shit.

[82] all about jujitsu we love it and it's you know and that's that's what we ended up doing a music video for it and ken mao edited it and he made it look really damn good man um he he he's done he he's did biance videos j z foo fighters anybody you could think of he won an m tv music award for crazy by narls barclay that was oh that's awesome cut that video wow he cut that video he cut he's like the baddest motherfucker in the business and he cut my video man that was one of my favorite walk -in music's ever when bj pen came into that song i'm like how perfect is that for bj you can hear the audio we release the audio the um the song was actually we me and me and rocca did it and then i got danny loner from nine and snails he awesome he actually produced it was that like was that like a dream come true getting danny because that's i mean both of us were huge night snail fans still are i mean nine and snails was like that's my that's my blood man and here i am you know working with danny loner it's pretty fucking crazy every time i'm at his house he's got a student and house got like a castle mansion up in Hollywood Hills and I'm sitting there and working on some shit it's I you know it's just it's it's awesome finally after all this time getting the respect in the music business that that I wanted you know and it was hard because most people thought I was an athlete a jiu jitsu guy who is dabbling in music now like oscar delahoya or like you know shack or something they don't realize that I started jiu jiu jitsu at 24 and I've been producing music my whole life that was the number one goal Jiu -jitsu was just a way to stay in shape and most people don't realize that so they have a prejudice against my music.

[83] They don't even want to hear the music oh my god a jiu -jitsu guy is trying to do music now they don't realize that this is what I'm really good at well the reality though there's a reason why they say that and it's because almost everybody only does one thing good and they'll go and do something else and it sucks you know how many times there's an actor put out an album and it's fucking terrible the odds the odds I mean I understand.

[84] I understand the odds.

[85] I mean, I wouldn't.

[86] I mean, remember when Michael Jordan tried to play baseball?

[87] Yeah.

[88] You know what I'm saying?

[89] Remember that?

[90] Barely.

[91] Yeah.

[92] It didn't last long, right?

[93] Remember when Don Johnson was a singer?

[94] Remember when Don Johnson was a singer?

[95] Don Johnson had songs?

[96] Yeah.

[97] They were terrible.

[98] They were terrible.

[99] The audio is actually available.

[100] Now, the video we're not going to drop for a couple weeks.

[101] It's almost done.

[102] The audio is available at reverb nation .com slash smoke serpent.

[103] That's the name of the band, Smoke Serpent.

[104] so we got a couple songs on there the 2011 version i dropped which is is pretty dope as well but um the video will you know are you allowed to call your own stuff dope fuck yeah you got be careful about that no no when it when it comes to music no no every band when their album comes out they go man this is our best shit it's awesome you know one ever says man my new album's coming out it's it's all no no no no that's not i'm saying at all saying you know it's it's hard to judge your own shit without looking strange isn't it Isn't it hard to...

[105] No, not music?

[106] It is a comedy.

[107] It's comedy, you know, you say I did, this is my best stuff ever, but that's about it.

[108] If you're getting in many more detail and say it's fucking awesome, it cracks, it sizzles.

[109] Music's different.

[110] It pops.

[111] Yeah, music's different.

[112] Really?

[113] Yeah.

[114] For sure.

[115] Well, it's also maybe because you work with a bunch of people, too.

[116] It's like a collaborative effort.

[117] Whereas with comedy, you're just kind of bragging about yourself.

[118] Yep.

[119] You know, that's tricky, right?

[120] Yeah.

[121] But I mean, do you ever make a video and tell everybody how awesome it is?

[122] Uh, I never say it's awesome, but I definitely just go, hey, watch my video, but I don't think I ever say, you know, like, oh my God, this is the best video ever made or something like that.

[123] Right.

[124] This video dominates.

[125] Right.

[126] But I think with music, that's a little bit more personal.

[127] And also, it's a bunch of people together.

[128] Right.

[129] Yeah.

[130] Yeah.

[131] It's a project.

[132] Yeah.

[133] I'm always real careful about any, any grandiose exclamations about anything that I do.

[134] Because it always feels like, if I talk about it at all, it makes me feel like a douchebag.

[135] Yeah.

[136] I understand.

[137] But music, though, it's, you've got to be super confident with your music.

[138] And, you know, without blowing smoke up your own ass, I actually believe the music that, you know, especially the song Jiu -Jitsu.

[139] I think it's a great song.

[140] You have to be confident in everything you do.

[141] If you got to do stand -up, you absolutely have to be confident.

[142] You can't fake it with competence, you know, technical competence.

[143] You got to be in the fucking groove when you're a comic.

[144] What are you playing, buddy?

[145] This is his new song.

[146] Is that it?

[147] This is the old version.

[148] This is the demo.

[149] This was on your Smoke Serpent page on Reverb Nation.

[150] Thank you.

[151] They don't have the new version of it on it?

[152] No, that's...

[153] He was...

[154] He was fucking with you?

[155] Oh, I was?

[156] No, I wasn't.

[157] I thought you said it with the new version was on.

[158] Come on.

[159] Come on.

[160] Oh, drop 2011.

[161] It's what you're talking about.

[162] That's on reverb.

[163] Yeah, that's on, too, but that's not the song that Danny Loner produced.

[164] We actually are working on a Danny Loner version of that song, too, which is totally different.

[165] It's like, you're not even to recognize it or just, it's pretty crazy.

[166] Now, in this day and age, there's no more music business like there was before.

[167] Is it better for you?

[168] Because there's not like, there's no record sales anymore.

[169] That shit's out the window.

[170] It's like iTunes sales and concert promotion, right?

[171] Yeah, it's way better for the musician, for sure.

[172] Absolutely.

[173] You get your shit out.

[174] But is it better to try to get in?

[175] Is it better this way than it was before?

[176] Because the way it was before was very.

[177] difficult to break into the music business right and you'd get like these crazy contracts like I remember Courtney Love wrote some article about it about how how crazy though the financial breakdown is of like who owns what and where the money goes and how long it is before artists actually start getting paid it's pretty it's pretty brutal but it's not like that anymore it's a the odds are I mean it's totally in favor now of the artists but still you know I mean it helps being signed a major label they still have all the avenues to get your stuff on MTV, you know, but, you know, now you can, you know, put your stuff on iTunes and the whole world has access to it instantly from their phone.

[178] That is massive for the artist.

[179] Yeah, now it's just about publicizing your shit.

[180] Now it's about letting people know about it.

[181] Exactly.

[182] That's what's going on.

[183] Let us know when you're going to release the whole thing.

[184] Are you going to release a CD on iTunes?

[185] Yes.

[186] We're releasing the singles as we're done with them.

[187] So right now, so far we have Jiu -Jitsu.

[188] We have one song.

[189] You can get it for free right now.

[190] Once the video is out, then I'm going to put on iTunes, and it's going to be like $1 .29 or whatever the hell it is.

[191] But right now I'm just letting people have it for free for a couple weeks on Reverb Nation.

[192] Powerful Reverb Nation.

[193] Powerful Internet.

[194] Yeah, it's huge.

[195] It's just like that phone.

[196] It's amazing.

[197] You can listen to it.

[198] Well, you know, this podcast, nobody ever gave me a radio show.

[199] I talked about doing a radio show forever because I would go and sit in on people's radio shows.

[200] You know, and it would be fun, like, you know, Dale Dudley and Austin or Opie and Anthony or something.

[201] something like that you know it's always a good time it's fun to just sit and even doing censored radio where you're you're going there and you're you know you're talking with you know you're making sure you don't swear and you know certain subjects you can't even breach you know like they told us last time that we couldn't say retard right remember that was the last one that was a whole video about it yeah that's a new word that's been recently eliminated from the vocabulary of things you can say and that regular radio is brutal man have you seen the the censored version of Tropic Thunder.

[202] Remember that whole retard part?

[203] Oh, yeah.

[204] No, what is it said?

[205] You can't go full special?

[206] You went full special.

[207] Oh, no, it doesn't.

[208] No. You went full special.

[209] You're not supposed to go full special.

[210] That's hilarious.

[211] Was it just like on TBS?

[212] It's really bad.

[213] Like the over time?

[214] That is actually even more offensive because special implies that the person has like down syndrome or something like that.

[215] Retard is just you're a fucking idiot.

[216] You know?

[217] Someone's a retard.

[218] They're a fucking idiot.

[219] But it actually in Tropic Thunder it wasn't even.

[220] It wasn't actually retards.

[221] It was actually about down.

[222] Yeah, it actually was retard.

[223] He went full retard.

[224] Jesus Christ.

[225] That was hilarious.

[226] So you finally saw it.

[227] I remember for the longest time you didn't see.

[228] I didn't see it for years.

[229] I mean, isn't it classic?

[230] It's great.

[231] Everybody in Tropic Thunder's a douchebag.

[232] Everybody.

[233] Nobody's cool in it, right?

[234] Ben Stiller made that.

[235] Ben Stiller made that whole thing himself, right?

[236] He's a bad motherfucker.

[237] Oh, didn't he direct that?

[238] Something like that.

[239] He's a bad motherfuckerucker.

[240] That was brilliant.

[241] Every character was insane.

[242] It was a great movie.

[243] It was a great movie.

[244] the whole thing it was just enough over the top just enough silly you know when i you know when i knew it was fucking going to be the greatest movie ever is when that dude's head blew up the director when his head fucking blew up i'm like oh shit they're going that way that's scared the fuck there's no limit it's like you know pineapple express where it's a comedy but people are fucking getting their heads blown off yeah you know what i mean that's that's that's a whole different kind of comedy i haven't seen i still haven't seen pineapple express not as good as tropic thunder but it's still pretty good yeah it's still good tropic thunder It was so hard to be, like the only thing that could be Tropic Thunder and get clothes like Talladega Nights or hangover or something like that and, you know.

[245] Robert Downey playing that dude with black makeup on.

[246] I mean, come on.

[247] It was so crazy.

[248] He's got black makeup on.

[249] He's in the fucking jungle and he still got black makeup on.

[250] You know, what was the deal with that guy?

[251] Did he have his pigment change?

[252] He was just really into his role.

[253] So he just became a black guy.

[254] Right, but did he become, did he change his pigment?

[255] No, he just wearing.

[256] makeup everywhere make up yeah just everywhere i went you know there are dudes like that that they'll like get in a role and then the entire time they're working on the set like when they're talking to the grips or whatever they talk in character yeah you know they weren't even shooting and he was like he kept on and on like dude will you get out of this goddamn character why don't you don't man i don't drop character until i do commentary for the DVD wow what the fuck man he said it of course yeah that movie and i'm generally Generally, generally, Jack Black movies, I'm not really that into, generally.

[257] School of Rock was good.

[258] Did you see that?

[259] Yeah, that was all right.

[260] Like, Nach Libra.

[261] I'm not, I wasn't a fan.

[262] Red Band liked it.

[263] Remember we walked out of that in 20 minutes?

[264] I did not like that movie.

[265] That was just because, that was just because you guys only took it 10 minutes.

[266] You only gave it 10 minutes of a chance or something like that.

[267] Whatever it was.

[268] Let's call it 15.

[269] It was brutal.

[270] But he was first 15 was killing us.

[271] We got the fuck out.

[272] You were the only one inside.

[273] No, me and Ari both did.

[274] Yeah, you and Ari both.

[275] We were barbecued.

[276] We were frazzled and it still wasn't good.

[277] I tried watching it again because my girlfriend really likes it because you got to watch it again.

[278] And sometimes when you watch something again, like Anchorman the second time was better.

[279] I'm like, okay.

[280] The first time I'm like, I really didn't get it.

[281] But he was, Jack Black was incredible in Tropic Thunder.

[282] He was incredible, man. I thought, I thought, damn, he's just killing it.

[283] Yeah, he was great.

[284] But Robert Downey Jr. took it for me. And, you know, Ben Stiller was really funny.

[285] and it's a good fucking movie man it's not that many good movies man it's a lot when you look at like great movies to shit movies it's probably like 10 shit movies to one great one right yeah dude there's so many big actors in that movie they probably got paid 50 grand deeds or something there's too many actors Danny McBride was in it Nick Nolte Tom fucking Cruz yeah holy shit that must have been a party he played that crazy executive guy how fun must have been filming that movie oh fuck yeah that must have been a wild time yeah that's a classic that's an all time classic not that many of them man not that many all time classics I like the commercials at the beginning like whatever that it's the booty uh drink Nick Swartson's gonna come on he's gonna do the podcast again he said want to do it he did a movie and it bombed so bad he went to Hawaii for two months he just said I can't take it he goes I don't know what the fuck I'm doing he went to Hawaii for two months he did a movie that got a zero on rotten tomatoes did it get released nationally or yeah what was the movie uh something bucky the porn star where he played oh that joey was in that one yeah joey yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah said it bombed hard yeah i heard it was that's that's that's that's weird to me because i think even it's so funny even it's so bad that at least there had to be one person that said yeah you know it's a dumb movie it's an extortion movie it's what is what it is well who knows man a one person A lot of these movies, man, there's a lot of people fucking with it, especially on a, if you were a guy like Nick Swartzon, this is your first shot at making a big movie with your name on it.

[286] There might have been a lot of cooks in the kitchen.

[287] You know, I told this story before I was on a movie once, Frank McCluskey CI, and I had the scene that eventually got cut out of the whole movie.

[288] But I watched this funny dude get all these different line readings from all these executives.

[289] They're all telling them how to do it.

[290] They completely ruined the movie.

[291] I watched it happen.

[292] I watched all these guys in suits, literally tell this guy how to do his scene.

[293] And, like, this is what I want you.

[294] I want you to come in.

[295] Like, they were telling, they weren't even the director.

[296] And the director couldn't do shit about it.

[297] He was powerless.

[298] And the whole thing became a mess.

[299] Easily could have happened.

[300] You do a movie and everyone just shits on it.

[301] You know, while we're on that subject really quick, I did a short movie, super low budget with Joey Diaz and with Renato Larangea.

[302] We're releasing it.

[303] on my YouTube channel tonight at midnight.

[304] It's called Return of the Death Knuckle.

[305] It's going to be interesting to see.

[306] Dude, that doesn't even look real.

[307] I saw the, I saw the movie.

[308] It doesn't look real.

[309] It looks like you're punking people.

[310] That's whatever what thought Kate's Potato thought that too.

[311] It's actually, we actually did.

[312] Whose idea was the movie?

[313] Well, it was like this.

[314] It was supposed to be Oh, there you.

[315] Is this the preview?

[316] There's other music going on.

[317] Oh, that's that other song in the background, Brian.

[318] Brian, what do you take some?

[319] Brian, pause this shit, so you kill that song.

[320] What the fuck is you playing?

[321] What is that?

[322] What are you playing?

[323] I don't even know where it's coming from.

[324] Are you serious?

[325] You don't know where it's coming from.

[326] Well, look at your browser, open your browser.

[327] Something's playing, you freak.

[328] What are you doing?

[329] You're ready to kill yourself.

[330] Do you have something to tell me?

[331] If that's the music you're listening to when we leave, can you imagine?

[332] You're listening to like Burr Lives and shit.

[333] You're ready.

[334] Bye, bye, Mr. American pie.

[335] What's the volume to?

[336] This is Flavio D'Souza.

[337] Interpol's 10th most white man. Brazilian capoara black belt.

[338] killer I don't want you guys taking any unnecessary risks out there he's already killed one cop and you know you got it to people just listen to audio we're watching some really ridiculous shit I know you young people listening this was just a lot of music what it is if you go online you can see this clip on YouTube but uh that's fair that was very awesome man. Be kind in the comments.

[339] What would you think was awesome about it?

[340] Because I know Eddie, you know, so, and I know Joey, and I think your fans, and I think people that know you are going to love it.

[341] At least that's what I would think, because I think it looks, fuck, I want to say that.

[342] I wasn't sure you just never know.

[343] I screened it in St. Louis last Saturday in front of like 30, like 10.

[344] You have to be a, you have to know the character, Henato Larangea.

[345] He's actually, it's Hanato Laranja.

[346] a playing flavio this is so it's like a it's fake within fake you know what I mean so we got like like we ended up in the same goddamn movie fuck I got you know what I mean and in the movie I play a cop like a really cool like Vince Vaughn type cop going after Hinata Laranja this this Brazilian steroid trafficker he's a son of an assayi plantation owner dude and Joey killed it and a Joey's in it too man he plays in the movie funny?

[347] Is it funny?

[348] Dude, if you understand the characters, everyone was dying.

[349] Everyone thinks it's insane.

[350] Who's everyone?

[351] That was at the screening in St. Louis.

[352] Unless they lied to me. Unless they lied to me, people were laughing their asses off and said it was...

[353] Well, there's always an audience.

[354] I don't know.

[355] I don't...

[356] Regular people might not get it.

[357] They're probably, like, people that don't know, like, if you're not a hardcore MMA fan, you probably ain't going to understand, like, the whole Brazilian Hanapal thing, because it's really, it is like, like an inside jump I would love to see it to see if I understand it because I don't know anything that's going on You would understand it You know I had a conversation With what I had to do some stuff Today for the UFC And the dude Who I'm talking to He was a friend of mine My friend Judd And he thought it was real He totally thought it was real I go No no no no I go This is my friendato Yeah I go It's a friend of mine I go He's a brown belt under Eddie He's a really good guy's an actor And he's like No fucking way I go yeah He goes you mean the whole thing That was fake I go yeah it was fake We were just fucking around.

[358] He's like, did you have a script?

[359] No, we just started, we were just fucking around.

[360] No, man. Everybody thinks that's real, that I was a real guy that was like, mad at me. I will say this.

[361] I will say this, man. I haven't, I took acting lessons in like 15 years.

[362] My acting's not going to be fucking Robert De Nair.

[363] I was, you know, it's, it's okay at best, right?

[364] But Rassan as Henato, every scene, every word that came out of his mouth, the way we put this together is Christo Garcia, he came to me, he's a guy, he produces television shows on, like, cable and stuff.

[365] And his, he has aspir, he's a karate guy, and he's aspirations where, you know, to be this filmmaker of making, like, big karate movies.

[366] He came to my gym and said, dude, I want to put you in a movie.

[367] I got a script, and you're going to be a trainer, like a Mr. Miyagi dude.

[368] I'm like, I go, man, I'll act, you know what I mean?

[369] But I'm not going to audition for shit.

[370] If people offer me, like, I was a never back down to, I didn't, like, audition for that.

[371] You know, I'm not going to, I'm not taking acting that seriously.

[372] But if someone comes to me and says, I want to put you in a movie, am I going to say no?

[373] I said, okay, I'll do it.

[374] We sat down.

[375] He showed me some scripts.

[376] He's got like three martial arts scripts.

[377] I'm like, okay, he goes, dude, I'm going to put you in this one and I think you'd be great.

[378] And I go, do you haven't even seen me act.

[379] I go, do you haven't even seen me act?

[380] I'm like, are you sure I get to act?

[381] And he goes, dude, you could act.

[382] So anyways, I love that people make movies like this.

[383] I didn't even, I'd even, so this is what happened.

[384] So I told him, I go, I can totally just be in your movies and just read your lines and stuff like that.

[385] We could do that.

[386] Or you could let me, you know, bring in like my people, because I got some talented people around me. And he goes, he was like totally cool.

[387] He goes, yeah, yeah, who, who?

[388] He didn't know, he didn't know Rassan and he didn't know Joey at all.

[389] I sat him down and go, watch these motherfuckers.

[390] These guys are already hits.

[391] People already love them.

[392] They were already grand -slam jewels.

[393] Let's put them in, let's put them all in this shit and make this a comment.

[394] And he goes, what do I go I already got I already got the story because I had the Joey Karate story in my head Right I've been trying to put it together like the real like Joey karate as like you know You've been black belt.

[395] Yeah, yeah, but yeah, but he'd be like a mob guy my my idea was he's a mob dude like a hit man who wants to get out of the mob and do MMA because he's like this big karate MMA fan right and he wants to get out of the mom so I had this idea and I and uh we were gonna roll with it he wanted he wanted to do it Oh, if people don't know, Brian, pull up Joey Karate.

[396] Give me a Joey Karate.

[397] Because he does one where he gets attacked, and it is fucking awesome, man. The one way he fights the dudes off, come on.

[398] His character is amazing.

[399] That's an amazing.

[400] And Joey, and basically he's not even acting.

[401] He grew up doing karate.

[402] And the crazy thing about Joey growing up doing karate in New York is that Rassan's dad was his teacher.

[403] Isn't that nuts?

[404] You knew that, right?

[405] Yeah, yeah, you told me. That is fucking crazy.

[406] Crazy.

[407] What are the fucking possible odds of all the karate teachers?

[408] Yes?

[409] Dude, give me some volume.

[410] People watching this at home can see this, right?

[411] Yeah, we're watching Joe.

[412] What's the name of this one, Brian?

[413] This is the first Joey karate number one.

[414] Joey karate number one.

[415] He's fucking brilliant.

[416] And he really knows.

[417] Karate!

[418] That's real shit!

[419] I'm serious.

[420] He's the funniest guy that's ever walked their face of the earth.

[421] No one's even close.

[422] No one's even close to Joey Diaz.

[423] Mad flavor.

[424] This is the best.

[425] Oh, dude, this is huge.

[426] Hey, fuck, though.

[427] It's Joey Karate for that.

[428] You understand me?

[429] And you're here for the UFC Minute.

[430] A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports.

[431] A lot of people see me in the sports reports.

[432] But nobody really knows I'm a trained fucking assassin.

[433] A Cuban black belt.

[434] I lost my rank on the fucking boat right over.

[435] They knocked me down to a green belt.

[436] But I'm fighting to get it back.

[437] You understand me?

[438] I take my shirt.

[439] back from the fucking jungles in China, Hong Kong, Bolivia.

[440] That's why I trained with fucking savages.

[441] Not these little fucking guys flying through the air.

[442] You're lucky you caught me today.

[443] Because Joey Karate is going to give you a lock for UFC.

[444] And it's all about fucking Brazil this weekend.

[445] You understand me?

[446] My man, Anderson Silver is going to fuck people up this weekend.

[447] You understand me?

[448] He went through Kiss Levin.

[449] He went through Forrest Whitaker, Morris Griffin.

[450] He's gonna fuck him out.

[451] Let me show you up with this motherfucker about you.

[452] First off, he's in a little bit.

[453] get him in a clench.

[454] That's a Muay Thai shit.

[455] You understand?

[456] I studied Muay Thai.

[457] Not really in Thailand.

[458] I'm over at the Thai restaurant.

[459] I'm fucking Gower there.

[460] He's going to get him to a clench, couple knees to the fucking head.

[461] Then he's going to kick him on a sidekick.

[462] And he's going to jih Tum into some fucking samurai or some arm bar or some fucking...

[463] And he's in a fucking choke him out.

[464] It's that simple.

[465] That's Anderson Sovi.

[466] You understand?

[467] But he does it's traditional.

[468] And that's it, baby.

[469] Don't forget UFC.

[470] Catch me next week with all my other things.

[471] You understand me?

[472] Next week we're going to cover stretching and flying through the fucking air.

[473] Ah!

[474] Flying through their fucking hair.

[475] Come on.

[476] That was great.

[477] And you could tell, like, that was his first one.

[478] That was all gold.

[479] But, like, now when he does him, he's just so, like, confident because he was just getting into the UFC back then.

[480] He wasn't into MMA for a while.

[481] He was hanging out with us.

[482] He hated it when we talked about the UFC.

[483] But then when the ultimate fighter came out, he was one of those guys that got hooked through the ultimate fighter.

[484] And all of a sudden, he's a fanatic.

[485] And that was the first one.

[486] He'll admit, he didn't have as much confidence picking back then because he's new to the sport.

[487] But now when you watch him do the 10th Planet Cushes, he's on fucking fire.

[488] He knows MMA.

[489] He knows shit about MMA that I would never know.

[490] Like, he knows when the next five UFCs are at and what stadium, what city.

[491] He knows all that shit.

[492] It's crazy.

[493] I don't know when the fucking next UFC.

[494] He is.

[495] There's like three a month.

[496] Yeah, Joey's a fan.

[497] They're going to be in Baltimore next week.

[498] I'm like, oh, shit, really?

[499] But, you know, he thinks that everything's a scam.

[500] You know, he thinks whenever there's an underdog, if an underdog wins, he's like, you never met a bookie with a part -time job.

[501] And that's what he said during Kane Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos.

[502] He said it, and I got him on film at the show, at the UFC.

[503] He goes, you know, I just wanted to get his prediction because we didn't do a 10th Planet Cush for that UFC.

[504] And he goes, and he said, just like that, you never seen a bookie with a part -time job.

[505] Something's up right.

[506] here look for king velasquez to go down quick could you call it joey karate called it could you imagine if it was a scam if we found that fighters that fighters were letting dudes knocked them out shit like that because they they bet a fuck a load of money on them is that possible yeah i always think things like that you don't think that they would get caught for doing so i would never suggest that anybody's ever done that but don't you think that if someone tried to do that i don't believe that king velasquez did that i believe came velasquez got hit with a fucking a hard shot man i don't think anybody who gets hit by that that's just one of those things about the first few minutes of an mama fight when a guy has like full steam 100 percent junior was just starting to settle in he just walloped him man he if he hits anybody with that shot you're you're fucked he clubbed him i was a shocker it was a shocker it was brilliant i didn't think i thought it would take a lot more to to take king belasquez on i mean he got to hidden that sweet spot right on the top of the side of the head everybody goes down junior can fucking punch man He punches hard.

[507] And, you know, when you see the impact, you know where it actually landed?

[508] It actually landed bone to bone.

[509] Yep.

[510] It didn't land with the actual padding of the glove.

[511] Yeah, he gave a super nuggy.

[512] Big super nuggy.

[513] Yeah.

[514] Yeah.

[515] Well, yeah.

[516] It's amazing that he didn't break his hand, you know?

[517] Because I guess that can function as a knuckle, but, God, it can't be as hard as the top knuckle.

[518] I mean, he blasted him, man. That was a crazy punch.

[519] It's crazy.

[520] So, overall, what do you think?

[521] What's the bottom line as far as how that, the opening show with Fox went down?

[522] Do you think, you think it was, because it was good, too.

[523] It was like, look, now you can build this guy as like Mike Tyson.

[524] Yeah, you know what I mean?

[525] It just goes out there and Mike Tyson's dudes.

[526] It wasn't bad for Mike Tyson, was it?

[527] It's never bad when a guy can stop a guy that quick.

[528] I don't think it's ever bad.

[529] I mean, it wasn't the best demonstration of mixed martial arts in the sense that it didn't go back and forth.

[530] you didn't see like a long fight where the momentum changed hands like hendo and shogun yeah exactly holy shit but i think other than that it was a great result i mean it was it was stunning you know it was it was decisive you know junior dropped him jumped all over him battered him there was no doubt about it was a perfect stoppage i think that's good a perfect stoppage is good and i think watching a guy take a guy out legit in 64 seconds and especially when you're taking a guy out like kane vlasquez holy shit man that's god damn that's impressive well when you look at what we learned from the fight like you said we learned it holy shit junior de santos is like the mike tyson of mama now he's knocking dudes with big block heads out in one punch yeah he's serious he's got really good timing i mean he doesn't catch everybody in every fight you know like and then some dudes he couldn't put away like he couldn't put away roy nelson roy nelson is a monster man roy nelson god damn that guy he lost weight finally holy shit he's going to lose more too.

[531] Holy shit.

[532] He knows, man. Look, he's fucking good, dude.

[533] Roy Nelson actually said to me in the cage after the fight, like, you're always calling me fat.

[534] I'm like, you know, I got stuck there.

[535] I'm like, I don't want to say.

[536] I didn't want to insult him, but I said, but it's because you are fat.

[537] And he calls himself fat.

[538] He comes out to that Michael Jackson Fat song.

[539] I don't say it because I don't like him.

[540] I love that guy.

[541] I think he's talented as fuck.

[542] I think it's amazing that he's able to do what he can do and be in the kind of physical condition that he's in i mean carrying around that extra weight i know that he's he's strong and he's got good cardio he's got good endurance for a big guy but that can't be helping him there's no way that helps he might go down to 170 can you imagine you never know i think he could go to 205 though i think he go to joe riggs is 300 yeah but i think he's a bigger guy big country's a thick fucking guy in his head is big it's one of the reasons why you take a shot so well he's so sturdy you know i don't i don't see that guy going below 205 i think even two 2005 is going to be a struggle for him, even if you got down to a low body fat, he's a thick fucking dude, you know?

[543] God damn the motherfucker can punch for a jiu -jitsu guy, big country's got a serious right hand.

[544] The one he put Brendan Shaw out with, bam, blam, you know, there's a lot of hardcore Roy Nelson fans that have always stuck up for his fatness, and now they're all pissed off, you know what he's losing the weight?

[545] I liked him when he was fat, man. There's got to be a few of them.

[546] Yeah, a lot of fat guys do, man. I have fat friends that love it when Roy blasts him.

[547] yeah now they're like shit our hero yeah he sold out he wants to beat the best guys he could be like a you know no offense but he could be like a butter bean of mama you know or he can really go for it you know roy nelson dude has a chance against a lot of fucking people man and roy nelson if he loses weight has a chance again the more weight he loses the better condition he gets the more people he's going to be able to beat that guy's a beast man you see what he did at crow cop once he got his back yep he's a fucking beast and he's a fucking beast and he took some shots in that fight crocop hit him with some bombs man there's an animated gift of crow cop having him up against the fence and he's uh covering up and rolling with punches and crocop is just blasting him dude just full blast because he knows that roy's not following back and roy just ate at all he just ate it all i mean he can fucking take it man that guy's tough as shit i've known him for a long -ass time and i've always known him as a jiu -jitsu guy so him becoming this badass striker is crazy Shocking.

[548] I've known him for a long time.

[549] He's always been really good with Jiu -Jitsu.

[550] I think he's just a badass period.

[551] You know, I mean, he might have this, you know, overweight body.

[552] But that dude is underneath all that shit.

[553] He's like, you know, he's like a super athlete that has like a disadvantage, like a super athlete that wears a weight vest when he goes into a fight.

[554] You know what I mean?

[555] Yeah.

[556] I mean, you know how badass he would be at 205?

[557] Holy shit.

[558] Yep.

[559] now what's up with that what was your thoughts on the henderson shogun fight there was the greatest fight in the history of of fights the greatest yeah i think it was the greatest fight of all time yeah and it wasn't because both guys were in the best shape they could have possibly be in and it wasn't because you know it wasn't because they were at the top of their game it was because it was so fucking real yeah it went back and forth and shogun came so close to getting stopped and Dan Henderson, God damn, can he punch hard.

[560] He broke Shogun's whole face, dude.

[561] Shogun's whole face is fucked.

[562] He might have to get his face put back together again.

[563] It's got, like, orbital fractures and cheek fractures and shit.

[564] And he gutted through that and then wind up taking Henderson down.

[565] I mean, dude, it was crazy.

[566] I mean, it wasn't the best display of defense versus offense or two guys that, you know, in putting on, like, you know, a GSP Anderson -Silva -type performance.

[567] But what it was was fucking, as far as like matchups, you couldn't get a tighter matchup.

[568] They were so close.

[569] It ended just like Rocky won.

[570] Yeah.

[571] You know, when Rocky basically beat his ass and Apollo Creed got saved by the Bellap.

[572] Yeah.

[573] And like Apollo thought, you know, Rocky won, but, you know, he wouldn't say it.

[574] He wouldn't admit it.

[575] Well, Dana said that he thought that it was a draw.

[576] I honestly haven't watched it again.

[577] Like, if you, there's a thing about when you're doing commentary, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to be entertaining.

[578] I'm trying to explain what's happening and you're not looking at it as like very precisely and cleanly as if you were writing down things only like remember when you used to judge he eddie had a system and it was pretty smart he wrote he broke down a piece of paper and then he would you know have one guy's name on one side one guy's name on another side and then you'd break it down by strikes take downs you had like all these different categories and you would check off each category um yeah i'd have like a short hand method for different flurries and different flurries and different punches so that man you forget by the end of the round you will forget you will look back and I'm like okay in the beginning of the round he had a take down that's right you forget especially if something really big happens yeah you know and then you get locked on to that for a second yeah you can forget what happened yeah the beginning of that round so and then you put it all together and when it's close I just look at them okay I have he had two big right hands he had a five leg kicks he had a take down hmm I'm gonna have some time to think about and I go and you could instead of thinking about it in your head and going back and forth you actually see what happened there's so many times where it's a 10 -9 round where they just fucking flip a coin man it's like you know who the hell knows you know there's some 10 -9 rounds there really should be draws you know it's there's got to be a difference between you know one of those rounds where nothing really happened but dude landed three leg kicks and the other dude landed a good left hook to the body and that's it that that's a 10 -9 round and then the last round of Henderson Shogun is a 10 -9 round 2 like there's they got to give more 10 -8s they got to give more 10 -10 they got to and I hear the commission is telling these judges to not give 10 -tens and not give 10 -8s that's ridiculous yeah you know sometimes I don't think I think people don't want to see draws they want to see a clear decisive decision but sometimes the correct answer is it's a draw you know and you can't make a winner and you know if you don't want to you shouldn't you shouldn't as a judge yeah i hope no commissions actually encourage them to do that because that seems like they're meddling with the results yeah that's what i read on the underground but you know that might not be right we should we should be careful before we say something like that yeah that's just a rumor that the commission is telling the judges i mean i think that's real i hope that's not true that seems like they're tampering with the results you know saying that you have to pick a winner on side or the other there are times we shouldn't pick a winner you know it's too close unfortunate yeah but there are fights that are draws man there are there are fights that are absolutely draws like the um a lot of people a lot of people the frankie edgar gray mainer the second fight you know the crazy one yeah the last one was crazy too the third one was pretty fucking crazy too yeah but the second one um I mean that is that's about as close to a draw as you can again right don't you think you know what I have to see it again I don't I have to see it again, too, but I remember thinking, like, back and forth, and what a first round for Gray Maynard.

[579] And, you know, I mean, Frankie Edgar was, as that, any three out of five judges could have easily stopped that fight.

[580] You know, if they're trigger -happy, if they'll stop fights early, either one of those knockdowns.

[581] There's a few knockdowns where he went down where a judge who's, like, ultra -careful would have stopped it.

[582] Or a referee would have stopped.

[583] Just like the Shogun.

[584] Shogun could easily even stop.

[585] It felt like it was, it should have been.

[586] stopped like for a second but when you you can't really you can't really say that because the fight wasn't stopped and it was let go and shogun did come back so that was great refereing by josh rosenthal yeah he to me josh and and herb they're just the best the best they don't stop shit too early nothing pisses me off more than you know as far as a rough goes is stopping a goddamn fight too early shit yeah let's see a decisive you know i said that about uh kongli and vandaly so I said I don't agree with that stoppage because Cungley was still holding on to a single and Vandle hit him with a couple of hammer fists but then you know when Cung got up he didn't seem to complain and his nose was smashed you know and maybe the referee being closer to the action had a better idea that Cung was probably close to stopping it anyway I thought the same thing but I saw the hammer fist and I was like that's not enough man you know it's like the guy's still trying because look Shogun came back you know and he was still trying I like to see guys back yeah Brock came back yeah Fights that could have easily been stopped.

[587] Just, you know.

[588] I like to see guys come back.

[589] It's fun.

[590] I don't mean, you know, to be disrespectful to a referee and anything when I say they shouldn't stop it.

[591] It's just, it's just an opinion thing.

[592] You know, you don't have to agree with it.

[593] But I think you've got to give guys the opportunity to win.

[594] You got to give guys the opportunity.

[595] If he's still fighting, you know, he wasn't covering up and in a ball and in a fetal position, eating shots.

[596] He was grabbing his leg.

[597] And he's very likely done.

[598] Very likely would have just taken.

[599] even more unnecessary punishment but I think you gotta give him a chance you know dudes can pull shit off man dude's you know and Kong Lee's a bad motherfucker I'm not saying that he would have pulled it off but I it didn't a bad stoppage it ain't a bad stoppage it appeared to me as well right when he stopped I'm like oh man that was too quick but he never he didn't get up on his feet for a while he stayed on his knees it was a good stoppage it was a good stoppage but it was his it was like a judgment call that he made over you know Kong trying you know I think you're done and he was right he was right and you know maybe he would have been able to pull something off but most likely not most likely he would have just taken more shots and you know van derly silver was like vintage vandaly silver in that fight dude when he got the clinch and was delivering those knees damn i was like i remembered how awesome he was with knees in the rampage fights and pride he's one of the best man when he gets that plum clinch on your neck oh my god he put so much into those knees i'm like i hadn't seen a guy knee somebody like vanderlay did in a long time It was like The last one was Who the fuck Kill a B Ben Saunders Remember he fought some dude And gave him a vicious barrage of Knees like that What dude was that?

[600] I don't remember the dude he fought it Hawaiian gentleman I believe Killer B Ben Saunders He's got some crazy rubber guard variation shit Going on right?

[601] Yeah yeah Some other technique We had his arm through it Actually seeing Tiago Tavares play rubber guard in that way.

[602] Yeah.

[603] But not successfully, but he tried it a few times in the UFC.

[604] But a killer B, Ben Saunders, he was able to use that control very effectively against a high -level jiu -jitsu guy, a black belt.

[605] I think he was a world champion as well and totally stuffed him, and he did it over and over and over again throughout the fight.

[606] So I never play that style of rubber guard, but it's, I got, I got.

[607] I mean, eventually I'll dive into it.

[608] It just feels kind of uncomfortable for me right now, but it's looked awesome.

[609] Ben always told me, he said, dude, can't wait for you to see my rubber guard, man. I've got to kill the rubber guard.

[610] He's been saying that for a couple years.

[611] I just haven't seen it.

[612] He hasn't really been in position.

[613] That's probably the number one hole, if you got to pick, like, what's the most common hole that fighters have in their game in MMA?

[614] It's a guard, right?

[615] Wouldn't you say?

[616] Yes, absolutely.

[617] Because there's some dudes, there's a few dudes that, you know, You go on the ground with him, like a Vinnie Magalais.

[618] You go on the ground with Vinny Magalais, you get in his guard.

[619] You're very likely to get fucked up.

[620] Yeah, he's at least going to make it so you can't punch him.

[621] It's dangerous, yeah.

[622] The rubber guard is, you know, it's defensive powers are just, I mean, you can't, if you're breaking your opponent down and you have them in mission control or invisible caller, it's impossible for him to hurt you.

[623] Yeah, you're fully clenched, you know, and, you know, you wear them out, trying to get out of it.

[624] It's very hard to get out.

[625] There's a lot of effort.

[626] Yeah.

[627] It really comes down to, you know, MMA fighters have so much to do.

[628] They don't have time to develop some new game.

[629] Isn't that crazy?

[630] There's just so much to do because you've got to do your kickboxing, you've got to do your wrestling, and then you've got to do your jit -su, and then you've got to run, and then you've got to do your strength and conditioning.

[631] There's so much to do.

[632] The only way you're going to get better at anything, anything in life is by drilling it, putting numbers in massive numbers drill drill drill and you don't there's just there's just no time to drill new positions when you're an m -ma fighter you got so much to do you know what happens is in striking that's all they do is drill because you can't really spar a hundred percent all the time so if you want to work on your striking you're going to be working on drills because you can't just go knocking out your your training partner so you're forced to drill all the time so you see these guys that are wrestlers and within three years that you're going to be working on drills and within three years their striking is tremendous.

[633] Frankie Edgar is like a professional kickboxer.

[634] You're seeing these guys, Dominant Cruz, because when they're working on the striking, they have to work on their drills.

[635] That's all there is.

[636] When Jiu -Jitsu, they look at it different.

[637] Most M .MA fires will, they'll just roll and work on their Jiu -Jitsu.

[638] Because it's more fun.

[639] Yeah, they'll just roll.

[640] And because you have to roll.

[641] And by role for people don't know, it means spar.

[642] Yeah, it's spar.

[643] It's so, jujitsu is the only sport that you could spar 100 % and no one gets hurt, really.

[644] I mean, and you're practicing, tapping your opponent out 100%.

[645] You can't do that with kickboxing.

[646] You just can't.

[647] So what ends up happening in jiu -jitsu, there's not that much drilling.

[648] There's not that much working on spending time, working on new techniques.

[649] It's just sparring with punches, and sparring is very important.

[650] It's very, very, you've got to do that.

[651] But you also, to add weapons to your jiu -jitsu, to just pile them on, to add different submissions.

[652] You have to set time aside to just drill.

[653] Put the numbers in to these submission holds that you want to add to your game.

[654] If you're not a guillotine master, it's not because the guillotine doesn't work.

[655] There's plenty of people out there that are proven.

[656] The guillotine, you get really good at it.

[657] Man, it's a dangerous weapon.

[658] If your guillotine isn't good, you need to put, you need to practice that over and over and over again.

[659] And no one does.

[660] There's just, in MMA, there's just not enough time to set 20 minutes aside.

[661] every other day to work on new submission holds and to sharpen them up, you know?

[662] So that's really the problem is there's just not enough time to practice new moves.

[663] Yeah, it's often for a fighter, it's maybe sometimes the best thing to come to MMA with is one thing where you're super awesome at it, whether it's judo or kickboxing, one thing that you're already awesome at, and then sort of incorporate all the other stuff into it.

[664] You know, because it seems like it's real hard for a guy to be learning everything and be awesome at anything.

[665] It's real hard.

[666] It's real hard to, you know, like to reach a Damian Maya jiu -jitsu level when Damian Maya was just pure jiu -jitsu, you know, to reach that level.

[667] It's so hard to be doing that while you're trying to be a great kickboxer and also trying to be a great wrestler.

[668] Whereas Damien is just concentrate only on positions and submissions and bang, bang, bang.

[669] He's going through numbers on you, and you're adding in all this other stuff.

[670] And when you add in all other stuff, you just don't have the time to put in the kind of focus that he has.

[671] It's almost like you're better off coming in with one specialty.

[672] And generally, wrestling is probably the best.

[673] Although a lot of other sports do translate beautifully into MMA, grappling especially.

[674] Like you played soccer your whole life.

[675] Man, you can learn jiu -jitsu really quick.

[676] and excel really quick and the same thing with striking.

[677] If you play football your whole life, your explosiveness is that are, you know, at the highest levels.

[678] And capoeira and breakdancing, all that stuff translates.

[679] Because in breakdancing, the kind of stuff they're doing nowadays, it's just the amount of balance needed to pull these moves off is off the chart.

[680] It's way more balance required than wrestling.

[681] And wrestling, you need a lot of balance.

[682] But in breakdancing, you've got to spin and flip and land on one hand.

[683] had all this balance.

[684] So when they, when you teach him jiu -jitsu, it's, they're like, all I got to do is stay on top and not get swept.

[685] Oh, my God, this is easy.

[686] It's like kindergarten.

[687] Yeah, it's easy.

[688] It's easy.

[689] It's easy.

[690] Yeah, Bill Cooper is a, is a prime example of that.

[691] Bill Cooper is one of the greatest American jiu -jitsu, and he's been a breakdancer's whole life, and, you know, it wasn't a shocker.

[692] Well, you know, I didn't find out to recently, but it's no surprise that he went out and just dominated the American scene in jiu -s, and he's doing MMA now too.

[693] And there's a jiu -jitsu guy named Cobrina who did Capoeira, which is like, you know, African or Brazilian, like, dancing, fighting type thing, and they do all these crazy flips.

[694] And he did Capoeira's whole life.

[695] He started Jiu -Jitsu in his early 20s, and now he's amazing.

[696] He's one of the best jujitsu guys on the planet at his weight.

[697] And he'll tell you that it's from the Capoeira.

[698] Like, all that bouncy is such an amazing athlete that Jiu -Jitsu is easy to him you know it's totally makes sense you know i would think that anybody who does gymnastics yes yes that translates for sure totally translates yeah yeah for sure like you know i have a son coming and he'll be coming in march i'm gonna get him into all that stuff i'm gonna try to get him into breakdancing gymnastics wrestling for sure the other thing is uh when you you can develop really high level striking and then develop takedowns that's the other terrifying fighter like the guys like Anderson, you know, like the Yushinokami fight.

[699] Yeah.

[700] He had some sick takedown defense.

[701] Yep.

[702] And then you're forced to stand up with him.

[703] And that's a goddamn disaster, you know?

[704] That's the other style.

[705] And the only way you can get to be as good as Anderson is at striking is, I believe you have to focus purely on striking for a long time.

[706] Yeah.

[707] You know, and Anderson was, you know, pretty much a Muay Thai fighter initially, you know, until, I think it was, I think it was really like the Nogara brothers before he really.

[708] really put his ground game together right that's after I mean he had a ground a little bit of a ground game from shoot box but see a lot of guys out there you see it in their career early they were easy to take down then they got a little harder now they're almost impossible to take down you see the progression you see the progression of the striking yeah you know you see them getting a lot better I mean quick because all they do is drill like in wrestling those are just drills wrestling is just mostly drills you know can imagine how how long it would take to get good at throwing combinations if you never drilled and all you did was spar like you would never develop any kind of combos yeah you never it would be impossible all you did flow yeah it would just be really basic yeah it wouldn't be crisp the technique would be terrible if you think of like a one two left hook to the body that you practice over and over on the back that bam how are you ever going to pull that off list randomly in real life you know you would you would even think like that yeah yeah you'd have to learn it first learn at first develop the movement and then start doing it It's the beauty of Jiu -Jitsu.

[709] Jiu -Jitsu is so amazing and so awesome because you can spar 100 % and no one gets hurt and you're actually working on killing techniques and bone -breaking techniques.

[710] It's like paintball for hand -to -hand combat.

[711] It's so much fun.

[712] You can actually spar.

[713] You can't do that with any other combat sport.

[714] It's so cool and so awesome that people don't drill as much as they should, especially in MMA, especially.

[715] You don't see.

[716] fighters like early in his career he was good at these two submissions and then in the middle of his career he added these two and then towards the end he started hitting these and these you never see that you never see that the only the only one guy that I did see evolve and add different submissions is no Gera no Gera in the beginning was the triangle king early in his career like man this big dude has a great guard he's triangling everybody then you didn't see triangles for a while then he started anaconda choking people, you know, and throwing some guillotine.

[717] So you saw the, oh, damn, he's getting good at anaconda chokes now.

[718] You see that because he hit some of the dopest anaconda chokes in M .M .A. That takes us right to, that takes us right to Bob Zapp and O 'Gara.

[719] Yeah.

[720] How perfect was that?

[721] Yeah.

[722] You got that cute out?

[723] Listen, we're going to play this fight.

[724] We were, Eddie and I were talking about all -time great fights, and we played a Kimbo -Slic versus Tank Abbott fight on my phone.

[725] We weren't sure if they fought, and we played it on my phone.

[726] outside of Legends in Hollywood where we train.

[727] And we were just doing commentary why it was going on.

[728] And we were like, damn, you know, this is a fight that we forgot even happened.

[729] You know, it's cool to watch like an old fight.

[730] So we're going to watch, we haven't seen it.

[731] I haven't seen it a long time.

[732] We're going to do our best impression of Beavis and Butthead watching a fight.

[733] It's an iconic fight.

[734] In MMA, this is one of the most iconic fights of all time.

[735] Minotaro Nogara versus Bob Sapp.

[736] Bob Sapp was the biggest human being to ever walk the face of the earth.

[737] He doesn't even look real in this video.

[738] He's like 350 pounds, all muscle.

[739] All muscle.

[740] And he's fighting the Jiu -Jitsu God, Nogera.

[741] Who's only here, about 220.

[742] And right now he gets pile -drived on his head, first move.

[743] And this big giant guy is on top of him, punching him over and over and over again.

[744] And he's picking him up again, trying to slam him down.

[745] And Nogera literally is maybe 150 pounds lighter than this dude.

[746] I'll never, this is one of those fights where I actually remember what I was thinking.

[747] remember what i was saying while i was watching it we were watching it at larry's house and i kept going at this point once he started getting pile driven i kept going we were so we were all like just yelling and screaming during all of this and i kept thinking i kept saying he's he's just too big he's just too big there's no way he's going to pull this off he's just way too fucking big you know it looks like a molestation oh remember where the lights went out the lights went out in the middle of the fight they kept fighting too the bookies did that yeah It's got the light.

[748] That's hilarious.

[749] And so Minotaro at the time wasn't even the heavyweight champion yet, right?

[750] He was just coming up.

[751] I don't remember that.

[752] I don't remember if he was a champ or not.

[753] I don't remember either.

[754] But Minotaro had a wicked triangle.

[755] He triangled everybody.

[756] Triangleed Mark Coleman.

[757] His guard was nasty.

[758] Back in the day, he was like the first real heavyweight submission badass off his back.

[759] Yes.

[760] He was the first guy to just put people to sleep with that triangle.

[761] He was my hero.

[762] He was my hero.

[763] Finally, we have a big jiu -jitsu guy who can finish people off his back.

[764] We didn't have that.

[765] That's so rare.

[766] There was no other Brazilian out there.

[767] All the legends.

[768] None of them were known for finishing people off their back in MMA.

[769] In jiu -jitsu tournaments, they'd be finishing off their back all the time, sweeping.

[770] But in M .MA, they weren't doing it.

[771] And Nogara was the first one to consistently finish people off his back.

[772] And now he's leg -kicking him.

[773] Now they stood up, and he shoots on him.

[774] I mean, he is literally 150 pounds bigger.

[775] Bob Sapp is so big.

[776] It doesn't even look real, man. He doesn't look anything like this anymore.

[777] I had no hope.

[778] At this point, I go, he's done.

[779] He's about to get just smashed.

[780] I thought it was over.

[781] So now Bob Sap is trying to get Nogera in a guillotine from half guard, but he doesn't know what he's doing.

[782] And he's playing around in Minotaro's guard, and he's getting tired now.

[783] The thing about a guy that big, there's no way his heart is proportionate.

[784] to his body his heart is like having a four -cylinder engine you know trying to push a semi yeah you know there's too much mass you know and he's getting crushed here he's getting stomped on minotaro is on the bottom there just seemed no hope at this point like what is he going to be able to do he hasn't been able to get close to doing anything he can't even wrap his legs around his shoulders and bob sap is so fucking strong he landed a one too minotaro's trying to box with him now now bob sap throws a real slow kick now minotaro tees off of the combination and bobsap pushes him bob sap is so fucking big man god damn he looks fake dude minotaro was thrown i forgot about that he was thrown down he said fuck it i'm gonna stand with this dude and just give it all i have that's what he did he's just he's just going for it right here man look at the size of bob sap he looks fake man and him and minotara are boxing now football players aren't even that big 350 all muscle that's a cartoon man. He really does look like a character in an animated TV show.

[785] He's trying to take down, Bob Sapp.

[786] It's hilarious.

[787] The Minotarles trying to take him down.

[788] But he sits out.

[789] But he sits out.

[790] Look at that.

[791] Oh, that worked.

[792] Oh, my goodness.

[793] And now Minotarles on top.

[794] And now he gets right to side control.

[795] And this is that everybody was going crazy.

[796] We were screaming.

[797] This is amazing.

[798] He finally got on top of him.

[799] This is his only hope here.

[800] This is his only hope.

[801] And Bob Sapp turns over and puts Minotaro and his guard.

[802] Minotaro, oh, he's throwing some crazy up kicks now.

[803] Minotaro passed his guard again.

[804] It looked like he landed a couple of those, too.

[805] Yeah, it looked like he did.

[806] Minotaro, the other thing about Minotaro was, God damn, he could take it.

[807] He could take it better than anybody, man. Yeah, yeah, Fadour pounded on him for all three of his time.

[808] He could take it, dude, especially earlier in his career, like these days, you know, these days when he was young.

[809] Dude, we were going nuts right here.

[810] Yeah.

[811] Going nuts.

[812] like is he going to be able to pull this off he's got to do it here like he had to do it he knew it he knew this is it oh what happened the referee is separating the action right now Bob Sapp's got a little cut do cut too so Minotaro gets to stand up and relax why in Japan if you have a cut they stop the action almost immediately and the doctors actually stop the bleeding the doctors ringside actually like will stop the bleeding and put you know you know towels on it and wait and then then they determine whether or not the guy can go back in so for a fighter sometimes you know it gives him a nice break in america they don't do this not right that no the doctors don't come in and take a look at a cut and stop the bleeding the doctors don't put like coagulants on or anything don't they i mean that's like i don't know it's a good question right i think so I mean, do they put coagulants on it in pride?

[813] They put them in the same?

[814] Did they put Vaseline on them or do they just wipe it off?

[815] So they put them back in the same spot where Minotaro was in side control.

[816] Minotaro's got a nice head and arm right here.

[817] Bob Sap is exhausted by this point.

[818] It's just so crazy how tired he gets.

[819] He's just too big.

[820] Oh, he reverses him.

[821] Bob Sap reverses him.

[822] Oh, man, look at that.

[823] Into side control.

[824] Wow.

[825] That was awesome.

[826] It looked over at this point.

[827] It's like, okay, that was his chance.

[828] He just blew it.

[829] He just blew it.

[830] Now it's over.

[831] This is an all -time classic fight, man. Bob Sap's hitting him with some hammer fist.

[832] Bob Sap's got his back.

[833] Oh, my goodness.

[834] Bobstass trying to choke him.

[835] Oh, my God.

[836] He hammer -fist him.

[837] Oh.

[838] He's getting beat down.

[839] Oh, Bob Sap is gigantic.

[840] My God, he's strong.

[841] Oh, shit.

[842] Oh, my God.

[843] Dude, he's like a fucking video game character.

[844] Look at him back then.

[845] Look at this.

[846] He's running and trying to stomp on him.

[847] Pride had some crazy rules, man. You're allowed to just jump on dudes.

[848] He can jump on their head.

[849] Pride had some nutty rules, man. Now right, now he's on side control.

[850] Bob Saps on top of him.

[851] And Minotaro, again, 150 pounds fucking lighter than him.

[852] And the biggest human ever is underneath them, and he's still hip escaping.

[853] He's hip escaping right now.

[854] And Bob Sap punches him in the head.

[855] and he gets to half guard.

[856] I don't remember how he gets out of this.

[857] Oh, my God, he's getting blasted.

[858] Oh, my God.

[859] Bob Sap just hit him with two haymakers.

[860] Jesus.

[861] You look at his arms?

[862] How much bust those punches hurt, man?

[863] Oh, my God.

[864] He dropped some hammer fist on his chest.

[865] At this point, Bob Sap seemed unstoppable.

[866] Oh, he goes for the arm bar here.

[867] No, he went for a triangle.

[868] Wow, he used to go for wrist -control triangle, but he can't control that guy's wrist.

[869] There's no way he could put a triangle on those shoulders.

[870] There's no way he could fit it, right?

[871] Impossible.

[872] Really, right?

[873] No way.

[874] Look at those shoulders, dude.

[875] That's crazy.

[876] He's so big.

[877] He's so big.

[878] It's crazy how he just faded into obscurity.

[879] Well, I don't think he would be dominating.

[880] I don't think he could keep up this level of supplementation for very long.

[881] He did great in K -1 for a second there.

[882] Yeah, he did.

[883] He beat Ernesto Hughes twice, bro.

[884] Oh.

[885] Oh, he's down again.

[886] Yo, he stopped Ernesto Hus.

[887] Think about that shit.

[888] And that's the who's one of the greatest kickboxers ever.

[889] And Bob Sap just kind of beast -fucked him.

[890] You know?

[891] What are the rumors that that was fixed?

[892] I don't know.

[893] I didn't hear that rumor.

[894] If that is, if they did an amazing job, making it look real.

[895] I've seen some fights that are for sure fixed.

[896] Oh, yeah.

[897] Mark Coleman Takata?

[898] Yeah, I didn't want to say that.

[899] Oh, nice right hand.

[900] They're throwing down.

[901] This is so crazy.

[902] It just does not look like.

[903] it should be happening, that a guy that big should be fighting against a guy that much smaller than him.

[904] This is the cool thing about pride, though.

[905] They would put on these freak show fights like this, and they would, you know, it would be really interesting to see.

[906] Like, you remember when Fador fought that huge dude, what the hell is his name?

[907] Hungman Choi.

[908] Yeah.

[909] Remember that?

[910] Yeah.

[911] Oh, look at that.

[912] Oh, he's got a triangle.

[913] No way.

[914] He's going to pick his ass up and slam him.

[915] He did.

[916] He picked him up and slammed him.

[917] He was ferocious in this fight, Bob Saab.

[918] Oh, my God.

[919] God, he was.

[920] He's yelling at him out like Nick Diaz.

[921] This is when Bob Sap was the shit, man. This is before Bob Sap had, you know, got his eye socket broken by Crow Cop.

[922] And, you know, back then he was looking to crush everybody, man. Everybody was scared of Bob Sap.

[923] Shit.

[924] Oh, dude, Bob Sap just punched him with a serious fucking right hand.

[925] And now Minotaro is really trying to get him down.

[926] And if you gets him down, then Bob Sap is fucked.

[927] Nope.

[928] Minotaro's still on the bottom.

[929] Minotaro's bleeding now.

[930] checking his face a big ass cut on his cheek bob savers over him god damn how big he is it doesn't look real right he really doesn't look like a human being he looks like an animated character in a hobbit movie and now minotaro's going for a leg lock here minotaro's going for a leg lock here that's a good idea against big guys because generally they're not very good at defending leg locks that's a minimal Mino -Wan, he gets everybody where he looks.

[931] And Minotaro is now on his back, and Bob Saps on top of him, Minotaro's trying to hold on to a wrist.

[932] He's got two wrists here.

[933] Oh, what the fuck?

[934] What?

[935] There's got to be a part two.

[936] There must be a part two.

[937] Dude, the tension is killing me. That's an all -time classic.

[938] An all -time classic.

[939] For people who don't know, that was like, it was almost like, it had always been the question, like how big could a guy be in your jiu -jitsu still works, you know?

[940] There's always those questions, and some guys would say, no, he's too big.

[941] You can't even use jiu -jitsu on him.

[942] You can't use it.

[943] He can't, you can't submit him.

[944] And that was a, you know, what a lot of people were thinking about Bob Sapp.

[945] Like, man, how would you submit this guy?

[946] Look at the size of him.

[947] Look at him breathe, man. He's hyperventilating right there.

[948] He's panicking.

[949] He needs to learn some of that Steve Maxwell breathing.

[950] Got to control your breath, son.

[951] And now they're checking Minotaro's face because he's got a cut.

[952] And the Japanese shows, the doctors would actually stop the bleeding like this.

[953] And now they're checking his eyes, too, to make sure he could still see.

[954] Yeah, they put some coagulant on it, it looks like.

[955] Yeah, Minotaro, I thought he, I forgot he took so much damage.

[956] Did you remember he took so much damage?

[957] I remember it as being a shorter fight.

[958] Yeah, me too, me too.

[959] I didn't realize he was getting his ass kick like several times in the front.

[960] Well, it's also one of the things that was kind of wild about pride was that 10 minute first round.

[961] That 10 minute first round was a motherfucker, man. 10 minutes is crazy.

[962] 10 minutes is nuts.

[963] And what else Pride did?

[964] One other thing Pride did that I really like is that they judged the fight as a whole.

[965] So the last part of the fight was like very important.

[966] Who was winning at the end was very important.

[967] Like, how did it turn out?

[968] Well, if it turns out at the end, you're kicking that person's ass.

[969] really if you know if you walked up on a street fight and at the end of it the guy was on top and punching the guy on the face that guy's the winner you know he's getting his ass kicked again he's just damn big shot hammer fisted by this enormous human being oh he's getting killed you got to see this folks even if you're not a jujitsu or an MMA fan just see this for the human spectacle of it because it's so ridiculous the round ended I didn't even know the round ended so this is a second round yeah wow it ends early in the second round and he goes back and look at that he's with mario fucking sperry dude this is classic stuff that was this new boy he was bringing up god damn he got dropped on his head dude remember when gilbert ivo got knocked out but or gilbert ivo knocked out gary goodridge yes he laid him out with that head kick laid him out he was asleep for like five minutes when he woke up this is an i worked that pride when he woke up he this is what he told me he because he's from he's from Canada he thought when he was standing there with all the people on the music he thought he was at a rave in Toronto for an hour he thought he was at a rave and his sister which was who Gary Gitter's sister's always with him I got his fights he thought that was just some chick that he picked up at a rave in Toronto for an hour he didn't even know it was his sister he didn't know he didn't know he was in Japan oh yeah he thought he was just fucked up on drugs he thought was just gone oh my god that's another classic fight that lasts here we go round two this is the replay oh shit okay oh there's a pile drive bam oh my god that hurt his neck and it it bothered him for years yeah that's what i heard did he ever get it fixed that's a good question i think so this fight might have ruined him right you know who knows how good he could have been if he didn't take the damage.

[970] Look at these donkey Kong shots.

[971] He connected five or six straight.

[972] Hammer fist after hammer fist.

[973] Do you think that this fight, like the kind of beating that he took in this fight?

[974] I mean, you can only take so many of these beatings.

[975] But this is a long time ago and he seems to be okay now.

[976] He seems to be.

[977] Well, at the time, he was like Jiu -Jitsu savior.

[978] Yeah.

[979] He was my biggest hero.

[980] Yeah, I remember you used to get so fired up when this dude would fight.

[981] Yeah, I was like, finally, a dude who can finish people off his back.

[982] I'm a big fan of that.

[983] You didn't know that.

[984] Oh, and he tags Bob Sapp right in the beginning of the second round.

[985] He's in way better shape going into the second round, and now he's moving around and boxing.

[986] Oh, shit.

[987] He's throwing down, dude.

[988] Oh, he just got him and left.

[989] And while we're watching this, I mean, the crazy thing is the Japanese fans they hardly even cheer.

[990] It's like real quiet and respectful.

[991] They have such a different way.

[992] of appreciating fighting, you know?

[993] They're a lot louder now.

[994] Are they now?

[995] They're becoming Americanized?

[996] Yeah, they're figuring, okay, it's the Americans in it.

[997] We ruined another culture.

[998] We ruined their martial arts culture.

[999] They're yelling that shit.

[1000] They don't even know what it means.

[1001] Kick his ass, seabass!

[1002] They're yelling that shit out and having no idea what it is.

[1003] Sort of like white guys with Japanese tattoos.

[1004] Stand them up, Ruff!

[1005] I don't even know.

[1006] They don't even know what it means.

[1007] That's hilarious They've been a couple UFC's I wish I had gone to the glory days of pride That's one of the things that I wish I saw You got to you were there You did commentary for the glory days man Yeah Dude who was the first card you You did commentary with Who's fighting Ooh shit that was Pride 10 That was Vanderlei Silva against Guy Mazger Great fight What a fight Henzosakrabba Remember that Yeah Hensos Sakaraba Look at this Look at this look at this he's locking it up an arm bar boom he got slammed he got slammed but bobsaps getting tired he's locking up a triangle he can't lock up the triangle no way too greasy it up he can't lock it up he's going to have to switch he's going to switch to the arm bar oh look at this oh what did he do oh wow he's too big who has more heart than no garrow no one no one ever oh this is what he get he got him from this peek out yeah remember he reversed him this way yeah he's he did it before early in the fight it worked.

[1008] He peaked out, but he's tried it a couple times since and hasn't worked.

[1009] I think, I think that's how he gets him.

[1010] And now he's on his back.

[1011] Bob Saps getting tired.

[1012] God, he's so big.

[1013] So ridiculous.

[1014] And Degera's going for a Camora here.

[1015] I don't remember this.

[1016] I don't remember this at all.

[1017] Do you remember this?

[1018] I'd say, Camorra, this big dude, really?

[1019] Oh, that's right.

[1020] He mounts him from here, remember?

[1021] He rolls him over with this Camora.

[1022] He throws his, when he's doing this he throws his left leg over the top that's how he gets him right yeah yeah yeah he sweeps him with this yep yep yep yep oh man oh my god you couldn't even put that in a movie oh my god he sweaked him and Bob said pushed him right off oh my god he swept him for one second oh but now he's got his arm his right arm is in deep his right arm is in deep if he can hold his wrist there his right arm's deep across.

[1023] He's going to do it.

[1024] Oh, he's trying a triangle again.

[1025] It's going to try a triangle.

[1026] He's not going to work, son.

[1027] Oh, my God.

[1028] Wow.

[1029] He's holding under that wrist, though.

[1030] It's amazing that Bob Sapp still has gas, right?

[1031] It is amazing.

[1032] But this is where he got him.

[1033] Now he peeked out.

[1034] He's on top.

[1035] Now, yeah, now.

[1036] Now he's inside control.

[1037] Oh, my God.

[1038] And Bob Sapp can't breathe.

[1039] He can't breathe.

[1040] And now he's getting pounded on.

[1041] And Ogaris punching him in the face.

[1042] He's going to take that left arm.

[1043] This is incredible.

[1044] At the time, this was King Kong versus Godzilla, man. This was, oh my God.

[1045] Then he sits back for the arm bar.

[1046] Everyone's going nuts at Larry's house right now.

[1047] We were losing our minds.

[1048] Oh, my God.

[1049] We were screaming.

[1050] Oh, man. He gets it.

[1051] That's it.

[1052] And he taps.

[1053] Dude, right there was everybody was going apes shit.

[1054] This was just a victory for technique.

[1055] a victory for jiu -jitsu.

[1056] That was a pure jiu -jitsu, and Nogera.

[1057] Yeah.

[1058] You know, Nogara was like the perfect vehicle because he was so tough.

[1059] Dude, that was the greatest fight of all time.

[1060] Yeah.

[1061] That's the greatest.

[1062] I think it's got to be right up there.

[1063] It's got to be right up there.

[1064] Just for the sheer, first of all, the sheer fucking beating he went through, man, getting dumped on his head like that.

[1065] By that 350 -pound guy smashes him down on his head like that, just to get through that, man. How'd that not put him out?

[1066] All those hammerfish he got hit with.

[1067] How about we were going to put him in that fuck bed sketch we wrote for the man show?

[1068] That's right.

[1069] He agreed to do it too.

[1070] That's right.

[1071] What were we going to say?

[1072] The sketch was, it was a commercial parody called The Fuck Bed, and the commercial starts with...

[1073] It was like a really sturdy bed that you get to fuck on.

[1074] A guy's banging some chick.

[1075] This is a commercial, sorry.

[1076] Guys banging a chick.

[1077] The bed falls apart, and it breaks.

[1078] And she goes, you're a fucking asshole.

[1079] Grabbs her shit and leaves.

[1080] And he looks at the camera.

[1081] was like oh fuck you know his bed broke so that you come on goes if this ever happened to you and then it's a it's a fuck bed that's built with uh for the frame it's like steel gurneys and the headboard was like to tommy mats and shit and we're gonna test you were gonna be like in a in those white coats testing it with a clipboard lab coat a lab coat there you go and bob sap was going to be fucking blow up dolls testing the bed by fucking and then they'd be constantly blowing up and dude's giving them new blow -up dolls bring me more yeah yeah and bob sap was totally down to do it yeah damn the fuck that was another bit that got cabashed at the higher levels yeah there was nobody like bob sap bob sap in his prime like that back in that fight that was a character in a movie man he was a character in a movie he beat ernesto hoose twice i mean you can take take you know say oh he was so big and he was so much bigger.

[1082] That is true.

[1083] That is true.

[1084] That is true.

[1085] However, it's Ernesto Huss.

[1086] And Ernesto Huss dropped him with a fucking leg kick.

[1087] It dropped him once, I think, with a leg kick, once with a body shot.

[1088] So it wasn't like he didn't sustain damage.

[1089] He had to pull himself out of the fire to beat that guy.

[1090] He would have been perfect for WWE, right?

[1091] Fuck yeah.

[1092] Come on.

[1093] Bob Samp.

[1094] Vince Man, Vince McMahon is not doing his homework.

[1095] Well, I just don't know how long you can stay that big.

[1096] You know, you can't just stay that big forever.

[1097] You know, the rock has.

[1098] no one's that big man no one's that big come on no one's ever no one's ever stayed that big he wasn't that tall he was six four and just wide as hell giant three fifty all muscle no shit i've never seen a human being in life that was real that looked like bob sap never there was nobody like him yeah just his sheer size like you couldn't reach him he could put his arms out and just block everything he just said so much mass and he got so famous in japan he was like michael jackson famous he couldn't go anywhere when he'd go to japan he would never leave his hotel room because he sticks out like a sore thumb yeah he would get mob left and right he was a huge huge star in japan but apparently as time went on they started having uh disagreements about you know financial issues and i don't know what happened but he walked out on a show they were trying to get him to fight without a contract or something like that and he said no i'm i want my contract first and then i'll fight and they said no no after the fight we'll give you your contract and he was like what fuck this i'm leaving and so he left and then he was in trouble for a long time and that was sort of the last you know the last of the big hurrah of bob sap in japan he's still fighting now i don't know where he's fighting though but you know in japan that that run that he had when he was a huge national superstar you know he would sing songs and shit did like an album remember the commercial he did with the bananas oh my god dude that was crazy crazy japanese are racist oh my god not all of them I take that back.

[1099] They don't understand some of the racist stuff that things that we would think are racist.

[1100] Like Bob Sap did a banana commercial or something.

[1101] Well, I think, yeah, I think, you know, it's okay in their culture.

[1102] It's okay to, like, make a big black guy eat bananas because they don't have that many big black guys over there.

[1103] So when you have one for them, they don't register how fucked up it is.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] You know what I mean?

[1106] I think also Japanese are like, they have, they're really Japan -centric, you know, Japanese people really, you know what I'm saying?

[1107] They really focus on, on other Japanese people.

[1108] I wouldn't say they're racist.

[1109] No, no, I'd have a lot of unity amongst Japan.

[1110] I take that back.

[1111] I didn't mean they're racist.

[1112] I meant, well, that commercial that they put Bob Sapp in eating those bananas in America, that would have been.

[1113] But just think of all the other freaky shit they do.

[1114] Think about like the little girls' underwears, or not little girls, but chicks underwear is rather that you can buy in dispensers, you know, right next to a Coke machine.

[1115] And they're into some different next level shit.

[1116] And they're obsessed with little school girls in their outfits.

[1117] Yeah, man. I mean, they're different, you know.

[1118] So who's to say?

[1119] I love them, man. I mean, and maybe they're right.

[1120] Maybe it is funny to watch Bob Sapp eat a bunch of bananas.

[1121] You know, go ahead.

[1122] You know, but whatever it is, he was at one point in time.

[1123] He was one of the fucking biggest stars in the country.

[1124] One day, we'll see pictures of Bob Sapp skinny.

[1125] You think so?

[1126] 1 -90.

[1127] Yeah, they're coming.

[1128] You can't keep that shit up.

[1129] You ever looked at pictures of Dorian Yates now?

[1130] You know, Dorian Yates is?

[1131] Black guy?

[1132] No, no, Dorian Yates.

[1133] Yeah, he was the English guy who was the Mr. Olympia.

[1134] One of the thickest guys of all time, dude.

[1135] And he's really skinny now?

[1136] Yeah, now he's like...

[1137] Bust it out on the internet.

[1138] Look for a picture if you could find it.

[1139] Dorian Yates.

[1140] I mean, he was just immense at one point in time.

[1141] And now he's skinny?

[1142] Yeah, no, he's normal -sized, you know, and you don't see any pictures of him now with a shirt off.

[1143] I think some of these dudes, when they retire, they just don't even lift weights anymore.

[1144] They're like, fuck this.

[1145] I'm done.

[1146] And good luck getting your balls to work, right?

[1147] Good luck.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] Good luck.

[1150] What did you do?

[1151] You jacked him to 10.

[1152] See, this is him when he was in his prime.

[1153] We're looking at pictures when he was in his prime.

[1154] I mean, he was fucking immense, man. That's not even him at his biggest, but look how fucking big he is, man. There was him when he got even bigger, because these guys, they have to keep getting bigger every year.

[1155] Everybody else gets bigger and they get more defined and, you know, guys take things to the next level.

[1156] It's like this right now is sort of not that big in comparison to how guys look today.

[1157] You know, this is not that long ago either.

[1158] And then Lee Haney came after him, right?

[1159] Was it Dorian Yates?

[1160] and then Lee Haney, is that what it was?

[1161] Or am I getting it confused?

[1162] Lee Haney is a black guy?

[1163] Yeah, look at that picture right there.

[1164] Click on that.

[1165] Click on that one.

[1166] No, no, no. The one that you just had up here.

[1167] That's creepy.

[1168] Click on that.

[1169] Click on that.

[1170] Look at the fucking size of him, dude.

[1171] Jesus Christ.

[1172] There's a picture of him with his little speedos, holding another guy with his little speedos.

[1173] They're holding hands.

[1174] And he is so fucking enormous.

[1175] This was when he was at his peak.

[1176] He was probably 300 fucking pound.

[1177] a muscle here, man. That's ridiculous.

[1178] I wonder how much he actually weighed.

[1179] Is there a picture of him?

[1180] But there's a picture of him today.

[1181] Look up Doreen Yates today.

[1182] Brian, stop doing that.

[1183] He gained me out, man. He's bouncing them up and down and their little bikinis on.

[1184] So, Eddie, I haven't had a chance to talk to you about this Occupy Wall Street situation.

[1185] I'm going to take a piss because I have to.

[1186] Okay.

[1187] So have a little chit -chat with Brian for the next 30 seconds.

[1188] And we come back and want to know what you feel about this Operation Wall Street.

[1189] Wall Street occupy Wall Street shit of your back is this him today right here um well no that can't be him today that's crazy imagine if you just look down and saw that it's crazy it's crazy so how's the comedy gone uh I have been so busy I haven't been writing so you still go up I go up every week twice a week so my bad just keep going up yeah you know it's crazy because uh the practice you know steve rind is easy uh he did a spider man joke and which is one of my bits uh almost like i'm talking about coming in a hotel room and throwing it on he said the window but i say the walls but uh and going spider man so it's so weird that as a comic you see that other side of where you write something and then you're like oh yeah you know but did he it's weird who did it first oh i did it first but i didn't create spider man like as in throwing come you know that's i've heard Patrice O 'Neill say it before, well, now I've seen it.

[1190] So someone else's used it?

[1191] Yeah, I think, well, when I was a kid, I used to call it.

[1192] Like, all of my friends would call it Spider -Manning.

[1193] So I don't think it was something like somebody just, like, in 1997, I created Spider -Man.

[1194] I think that's just like an old term or something, or maybe an old slang for the 80s.

[1195] But yeah, it's weird seeing that.

[1196] And it just, it does make you just want to write more jokes.

[1197] And so it doesn't really matter, but it's just weird seeing it.

[1198] Because then anyone that saw that show will know that joke already.

[1199] And then it sounds like I took it from the show.

[1200] You know, that's so weird.

[1201] What are you talking about?

[1202] I missed.

[1203] Spider -Man, you know, like that Spider -Man joke?

[1204] They had on the league the other day.

[1205] Yeah, and you know what?

[1206] Apparently Patrice O 'Neill had been doing that before that.

[1207] Yeah, that's what I was just saying, Spider -Manning is actually a term.

[1208] So it's like saying a blowjob joke, but the idea of doing it in a hotel room and throwing it on the wall.

[1209] That's kind of weird.

[1210] Well, son, sometimes just got to let shit go.

[1211] Have you had that happen?

[1212] Like, just, like, like, jokes being on TV, and then you're like, I don't feel like even doing that joke now because it feels like I'm copying it off of the league.

[1213] Yeah, sure, yeah.

[1214] If you come to the same, especially if it's a quick one -liner, like an obvious one -liner, you know, it's easily, it's easy for that to happen.

[1215] And also, you know, for a lot of comics, this unfortunately does happen where, like, writers of TV shows will go to see stand -ups and they'll take a bit and it'll turn that bit into a TV show.

[1216] Yeah, it seems like that happened.

[1217] a lot for like Saturday Night Live and shit like that.

[1218] I always hear her comics talking about that.

[1219] Because people are desperate.

[1220] They're desperate and they want to keep their job.

[1221] And a lot of these writers, same thing.

[1222] They're desperate and they want to keep their job.

[1223] Yeah, I've had a couple friends that got, you know, ripped off.

[1224] Kevin James was the funniest one, man. Kevin James went to, he had a big development deal with NBC.

[1225] And when they have a big development deal, they'll do shows, and he'll do stand -up and for all these different writers and all these different producers.

[1226] and they all tried to figure out what sort of a vehicle to develop with him.

[1227] So he does his show and a year and a half later one of his bits is on Seinfeld.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] And somebody, I mean, it's the fucking, the tag lines are the same.

[1230] It was ridiculous.

[1231] And that just kills the bit.

[1232] It killed his bit.

[1233] He had to drop the bit.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] And, you know, I don't know that the guy saw him, but I don't think it's that coincidental that here's this really hilarious comedian who has this bit about muffins about muffin tops like you only like the top of the muffin he had this whole detailed bit about it i'd known kevin for years by that i'd see it was like one of his strongest bits and then all sudden he does it on top of these guys in front of these guys and somebody takes it and yanks it for a tv show i don't know if that actually happened for a fact but it certainly seems like it yeah it seems like it would be that's what a lot of people probably yeah guys gang there's guys ganking ideas and then there's just parallel thought which have parallel thinking is It's common, so common, you know, especially in this day and age, you know, with, we all have sort of the same access to information, you know, with Google and with the internet and Twitter and shit, we have way more access to information than ever before.

[1236] So it's really for someone to come to a similar conclusion to you is even more likely today, I think, than ever before, right?

[1237] What do you think?

[1238] Well, I mean, in some ways, but like with my instance, it's like, all right, just having a crazy term like spider manning and then coming and throwing your come like on a wall or stuff like that which in on the league it was the window that seems really though dude because dudes are disgusting okay and when dudes you would think that flinging your loads like spider man and making that thing you think you're the first person to think that no no no i'm not saying that i'm the first person i's thinking that but i the joke of being in a hotel room and just doing anything in a hotel room and throwing it on the walls and spider manning on the walls quite honestly and not meaning to be rude i don't even care i'm just saying that the idea the problem is my joke is out so i've heard a lot of comics talk about doing things in hotel rooms i've heard a lot of comics talk about wrecking hotel rooms right and not but doing spider manning on hotel rooms it seems kind of weird that they you know especially since uh yeah i know what you're saying but it's it's it's one of those things they could have they could have you know you never know They could have seen you do it, or they could have heard you do it rather, or they could have just come up with it on their own, right?

[1239] Because you came up with it.

[1240] Right.

[1241] It's all.

[1242] The idea of the, in the hotel room, yeah.

[1243] It's all disgusting anyway.

[1244] And stop throwing your loads around, you fucking freak.

[1245] Maybe Renazizi's been hanging out with Carlos Mancilla.

[1246] No, no, Steve is a good guy.

[1247] Steve Renazizzi is the best.

[1248] He's aces.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] He's good people.

[1251] And I saw him on that one show.

[1252] I'm like, oh, shit, he's blowing up.

[1253] Yeah, he is blowing up.

[1254] Yeah, what was that show he's on?

[1255] The league, yeah.

[1256] He's a good dude.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] Steve Renaziz.

[1259] He's a funny guy.

[1260] He's an old school comedy store.

[1261] Old school.

[1262] He was one of the guys on the clip, that video clip of Mincea.

[1263] He was one of the few guys that stood up to Mncia back then and told him you steal jokes.

[1264] We used to go to the comedy store every goddamn weekend.

[1265] Yeah, pretty much.

[1266] Every weekend.

[1267] We were at the comedy store for years.

[1268] For years.

[1269] Shit.

[1270] Yeah.

[1271] I developed my whole act there.

[1272] The whole thing.

[1273] I didn't even realize how hostile my act was until I stopped performing there.

[1274] I didn't realize I brought my act to the improv and I was like Man, why am I so angry?

[1275] It's like, you know, the comedy story just makes you more angry.

[1276] Yeah.

[1277] Man, that's a haunted spot.

[1278] There's a lot of angry people there, you know?

[1279] We saw so much crazy shit on that street, man. Saw so much crazy shit.

[1280] I saw a dude get knocked the fuck out.

[1281] There's nothing more terrifying than watching a guy involved in a street fight where you know he has absolutely no idea how to defend himself.

[1282] This poor guy They would, I don't want to say poor guy, because he seemed like, it was kind of a doucheback.

[1283] Do you remember that?

[1284] I remember that.

[1285] This guy was yelling at some other guy, and we didn't see the knockout.

[1286] We just saw him flailing, like, spasticly.

[1287] I remember he didn't even have his hands clenched to the fist.

[1288] He was just swinging and, like, literally closing his eyes, and then a bus moved in front of him and passed.

[1289] And then when we saw the space, he was flat unconscious.

[1290] out cold so we don't know exactly what knocked him out but watching this poor guy like a deer in the headlights just flailing for his life it was really terrifying man you know i remember thinking watching this guy do that like holy shit like this poor guy he doesn't know how to defend himself at all and somehow or another he's in a fight and he's just spazzing he's just he wasn't even thinking about what he's trying to do he was just closing his eyes and flailing his arms yeah and somebody knocked him the fuck out how about when david lee roth came by and checked you out at the that was fun he loved you nobody liked talking about the good old days more than davidly roth he had some great stories he loved talking about the old days he loved it and i loved hearing it it was amazing stories of how how he managed all the groupies back in the day he had the greatest ideas this is what he did i don't think you're supposed to I don't think he wanted people to know this stuff.

[1291] No?

[1292] Yeah, because remember he had a guy who got in contact with Red Band after his over, because we had video of this, and he's like, I just want to make sure that none of that video gets out.

[1293] Remember that?

[1294] It was a long time ago.

[1295] Yeah, I know it was, but you know what?

[1296] Maybe it's David Lee Roth's just a loose canon, and this dude is like as a manager that thinks for him.

[1297] I don't remember that.

[1298] I don't remember.

[1299] I just remember awesome.

[1300] I wouldn't want to disrespect him.

[1301] If that guy called, it might be, he might have called because of David Lee Roth, so I don't want to tell any of his stories i'm pretty sure that was the case i'm pretty sure let's just say that davidly roth was a bad motherfucker holy shit no one was more of a rock star than that guy and he entertained me and eddie for shit he sat down and talked us for over an hour telling just crazy stories of the road and crazy stories of performing and it's you know it was awesome it was awesome that was one of the coolest like celebrity meetings ever he was so cool he was just hanging out man He's just hanging out at the comedy He just came to watch some comedy And man, when I tell you that wasn't even half full It wasn't even half full was a tiny ass little crowd That wasn't right There wasn't like a big place And he was just chilling And he just hangs out like a regular dude man He had some great fucking stories of the old days man Dude who would have gone on stage with a bottle of jack You know what I mean That's classic shit It was so surreal Because when I was in high school My sister's boyfriend had Van Halen was his license plate.

[1302] They were dedicated to Van Halen.

[1303] Everyone in my high school was, like, dedicated to Van Halen.

[1304] My brother, that was his favorite band.

[1305] Like, my band was Kiss, and his band was Van Halen.

[1306] And he would, you know, we would, like, battle.

[1307] Like, who would come out with the best album?

[1308] Van Halen started fucking crushing and getting just powerful.

[1309] Kiss started turning disco, and it was like, fuck.

[1310] Man, it's amazing how Van Halen changed.

[1311] They went from being this, like, really fucking badass, wild band.

[1312] to Jamie Hagar.

[1313] No, Sammy Hagar, man. That's a different fucking Van Halen.

[1314] A completely different sound.

[1315] Yeah, yeah.

[1316] Like, it was totally, and super successful.

[1317] Even more successful than the old Van Halen.

[1318] Did you know that?

[1319] Probably, by this time.

[1320] I think it was.

[1321] I think, I think the Sammy Van Halen, Sammy Hagar, that is more successful.

[1322] I don't know.

[1323] Maybe now over time, if you, like, you know, I might be talking out of my ass, but I think someone said that.

[1324] But I think their fifth album was their last album with David Lee Roth.

[1325] It was 1984.

[1326] And when that came out and Jump was their first single, and they shot that video for like $600.

[1327] That was the story.

[1328] And it was like, you know, a real low budget video.

[1329] But the whole song was just really, really.

[1330] I mean, I never liked that song, Jump.

[1331] It was like a keyboard song, but really cheesy.

[1332] Like Yamaha DX7 old school.

[1333] And like, what happened?

[1334] Like, he just came on and said, because Eddie Van Halen was a guitar god.

[1335] Everybody worshipped him.

[1336] And here he comes out, playing keyboards.

[1337] And that just freaked everybody out.

[1338] We weren't ready for synth like that in the early 80s.

[1339] Rock bands weren't doing that shit, unless it was like evil Mr. Crowley, like Ozzy.

[1340] They weren't putting in, it was, it took a big fucking chance, and they blew the fuck up.

[1341] Yeah, that was a huge hit.

[1342] Massive.

[1343] And then Panama was huge.

[1344] Panama was the shit.

[1345] That was a good fucking song.

[1346] That was like, Hot for teacher.

[1347] The summer party song.

[1348] Hot for teacher.

[1349] Hot for teacher.

[1350] So, dude, Panama was the summer party song.

[1351] That was when I was in, that was like in high school.

[1352] Yeah.

[1353] Classic shit.

[1354] Yeah, classic shit.

[1355] Eddie Van Halen shredded.

[1356] He changed the face of guitar plan.

[1357] He just by himself.

[1358] He just came out and just, when he, when the first album, when he did that song, Eruption, it's just a guitar solo.

[1359] It was on the first album was the second song.

[1360] They opened up with running with the devil.

[1361] And then they just, before you really got me, they just gave Eddie Van Halen in just two minutes.

[1362] The second song, he's just shredding.

[1363] It's an all -time classic eruption.

[1364] Could you imagine?

[1365] It's fucking amazing.

[1366] Could you imagine if TMZ was around during David Lee Ross' heyday?

[1367] Can you imagine how many fucking videos they would have had of him hammered coming out of clubs?

[1368] That would have been great shit that we missed.

[1369] That would have been classic, fun stuff.

[1370] Because every time David Lee Roth, you put a camera in front of his face and he knew what to say.

[1371] He would just, you know, he had like sayings.

[1372] You know how they say.

[1373] You got the voice that.

[1374] I could do it a little bit.

[1375] More, more, more.

[1376] I can't.

[1377] I need to hear him.

[1378] If I heard him, I can do it.

[1379] He had great quotes, man. Yeah, he was real good at that.

[1380] He was real good at, like, I thought he was going to make it as a radio DJ.

[1381] When they had him replace Howard Stern, when Howard Stern went to satellite, I was like, wow, what a bold move.

[1382] Fucking David Lee Roth.

[1383] But then I thought about it.

[1384] I was like, he's such a bad motherfucker who wouldn't want to talk to him.

[1385] you know like let him go like what david lee ross should do is just do a fucking podcast that that's what he should do you know david le roth podcast would be the shit him and joey dude are you kidding me joey dude davidly roth should have an awesome fucking podcast you know he's a he's a fun dude to talk to man sign him red band yeah no i don't think he does you check on iTunes the david le roth podcast are people coming to you for podcasts now and you're like i don't have time They call him the podmaster.

[1386] The podfather.

[1387] Do you have to turn people down?

[1388] Podmaster.

[1389] Yeah, I do.

[1390] Really?

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] Well, I'm the only one doing everything, so it's really hard.

[1393] Well, he's blowing the fuck up, son.

[1394] That's just how it is.

[1395] We do, the Ice House Chronicles is on his label now.

[1396] It's on the Death Squad label.

[1397] The Ice House Chronicles is the one we do from here.

[1398] We're all the stand -ups that do the Ice House that come over.

[1399] We've got a show tonight, folks, too, and it's not quite sold out.

[1400] If you want to jump on this shit, it's Bill Bird, Joey Diaz Tom Segorra No, not Tom Sagar Tom Sagar's not going to be there No, Steveo No, Tom Sigora No, that's Friday No Tom Sagarra Friday Steveo, who else Brendan Walsh Brandon Walsh God damn that's a fucking show God damn that's a show Ladies and gentlemen For 15 bucks Can imagine Jamie Walsh Doing stand -up I could Mike All the sudden You know he wants to fight And I'm like Let me take my pants off We can't talk about that that's a great story you gotta remind me that story we can't tell because I don't remember all the details we can't tell without his permission I didn't want to ruin my pants the motherfucker thinks he can wrestle me this motherfucker got naked like he got naked why did he get naked this motherfucker got naked and pulled God on me it's a long story we can't talk about he got naked and pulled guard on you this guy's insane did you guys call a fucking mental psychiatric Magic Ward?

[1401] What happened?

[1402] Well, I took off my pants first.

[1403] Wait a minute, why?

[1404] I didn't want to ruin my pants, but I had underwear on.

[1405] And then he took off his pants and underwear.

[1406] And he fucking pulled God on me, mate.

[1407] So I got him like, oh, I see what happened.

[1408] The guy was going to get some booty.

[1409] No, the guy's like, you know what?

[1410] You think you're taking your pants off?

[1411] Check this out.

[1412] Naked motherfucker.

[1413] Oh, maybe.

[1414] Could be that, too.

[1415] I think it was just like showing them up.

[1416] There might be some gay shit there, too.

[1417] discount the possibility of gay in that scenario you know that seems like a guy was just hoping everything would go right and then he started crying come on was this in like the mean streets was this in an alley somewhere was this no Vegas hotel room oh imagine if there was a clock somewhere that had accidental gay acts it just had showed the number like the national debt and you could just see all the accidental gay gay acts all day ding ding ding ding ding like Brian Callan's story and any accidental gay act just a clock the universe recognizes when someone fucked up oh Jesus oh what have you done that's a guy we got to get Brian Count to do his Brazilian again because he was the original Brazilian master you know Brian Callant is he does a perfect Henzo Gracie Brazilian that's what he does he like talks like Henzo do you have maybe you can pull that out pull up look pull up uh make my car I don't think it's on yeah it's on YouTube yeah it is on YouTube BJJ and Instructor gay porn.

[1418] Something like that.

[1419] This is old school.

[1420] This is before you were, we were at the UFC.

[1421] I didn't work for the UFC.

[1422] It was before because when Zufa first bought the UFC, we were like, holy shit.

[1423] You were the only celebrity that liked it, so they gave you great seats.

[1424] So the first, like, three or four UFCs, we were sitting ringside enjoying it.

[1425] And they'd come up to you and get like a quota.

[1426] We're sitting here with Joe Rogan.

[1427] What do you think about the fights?

[1428] And then you would say something cool.

[1429] I think it's like human chess.

[1430] But instead, you know, no, no, no. You would say something cool.

[1431] And then they would use that sound.

[1432] bite in commercials and then everyone loved the sound you always had a great sound bite you know a great analogy about the sport if boxing is this this is the you know and then danis said dude you want to do some commentary and you were like yeah you did commentary and i'm like sitting there by myself going oh this sucks remember yeah all this that became the problem that became a problem so you you were like damn it sucks working by myself maybe i could get you a job i don't see that video online if you look right here to the right this is what comes up bjj instructor gay porn cowan no don't put calin oh i did wait a minute it's right there it's right that's right that right no no one on top of it no one that one that one that one right that's it yeah that's it that's it check this out old school brian callan before a ufc at the mgm you know and this is it's like it's in a little tiny video you know just take a guy sometimes put him to my man i may Like that deep.

[1433] Pertance my hand now.

[1434] Oh, look, look that, yeah.

[1435] Then I make it like that.

[1436] Like that.

[1437] Slow.

[1438] We're dying.

[1439] Okay.

[1440] Sometimes I mean like that.

[1441] My friend, per tension.

[1442] He licked his fingers.

[1443] I take a guy, pop, pop, like that.

[1444] He stuck his fingers.

[1445] Sticking into the guy's ass.

[1446] Oh my god.

[1447] Can you explain to me the con when you have the sex?

[1448] Times guys don't understand for me my coke.

[1449] What I'm gonna do now?

[1450] That is my right.

[1451] I take a corn, take a corn, take one, yeah.

[1452] I mean, yeah, like that, like that.

[1453] That when I do porn or something like that, that makes shit.

[1454] What I'm gonna talk to you now?

[1455] I can't camera.

[1456] Hey, get my balls now, man. Get my balls now, I'm there.

[1457] He's making fucking moves in the air with the...

[1458] Beattings, get tense, now.

[1459] You like that.

[1460] Motherfucker, man. Oh, my God.

[1461] That was one of the...

[1462] Until Joey Diaz was on the Alex Jones show, that was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

[1463] It's true.

[1464] That was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life until when Joey Diaz was on the Alex Jones show, that just, it was a, that was a, that was a lot of, that was a lot of times.

[1465] These iTunes listeners are going to hate this episode.

[1466] Yeah, we're sorry.

[1467] We're showing a lot of things.

[1468] Well, originally it was supposed to be Joey and Eddie and I, and we're going to do regular, and it's not all MMA, but we're going to talk about MMA because if it's the one request that we get all the time is doing MMA -only podcast.

[1469] So what we decided to do is try to make this one as much MMA as possible, and some of that, unfortunately, is, like, visual.

[1470] Yeah, maybe it shouldn't be a Joe Rogan experience.

[1471] Maybe that'll be, like, something else.

[1472] Maybe.

[1473] Because you don't want to be listening to, like, driving around, listening to serious radio and going, like, they're watching a video for a half hour.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] That's not a bad idea.

[1476] Or you know what, that'll motivate them to go watch the video.

[1477] You know what I mean?

[1478] Yeah, maybe.

[1479] Yeah, I think that might have been a boring 10 minutes for people that don't know the history of it, you know, for us.

[1480] We'll see.

[1481] We'll see what they find.

[1482] That fucking sucks, my head.

[1483] So I wanted to ask you about this before I went to take a leak.

[1484] I wanted to ask you what the fuck you think about this Occupy Wall Street shit.

[1485] What is your take on all this?

[1486] You know, to be honest, I haven't really looked that deeply into it.

[1487] It just seems, I don't know.

[1488] I mean, it's definitely good.

[1489] right anytime there's the people unite and try to change things that's always good right you know but I don't know well one of the reasons why I asked is because you're I mean I've never in my whole life had more conversations about 2012 Zachariah Sitchin Nibiru Anunaki you and I have had more of these conversations than anybody and you and I have had several of these Mayan calendar conversations and the end of the world conversations.

[1490] And I hate to be, like, the guy who says it's all falling apart, man. It's all falling apart, man. But if you look at it, it's all falling apart, man. It's like, how far can it fall?

[1491] Is there a safety net in there somewhere?

[1492] What do you mean we go bankrupt?

[1493] What happens when we go bankrupt?

[1494] I don't get it.

[1495] I'm missing something here, man. Are the resources and the amount of people?

[1496] Are those numbers vastly different than they were just a few years ago?

[1497] No, they're not.

[1498] So what the fuck do we have to do to repump up the system to get it to where it functions again?

[1499] Or is it not possible?

[1500] Is it that in order for the system to function overall, some places have to be bad and some places have to be good?

[1501] Is that the case?

[1502] I mean, is it that no, we can't be even all across the country?

[1503] And therefore, the American way of life can't be sustained because the American way of life is only possible if people in other parts of the world have to work for shit money and make the products that we absorb, right?

[1504] It seems like you put it all together, it seems like the powers it be are hauling ass to siphon as much money as they can for someone.

[1505] Doesn't it seem that like all this money just being taken and trillions of dollars are going missing from the Pentagon.

[1506] Like $2 .3 trillion dollars disappears.

[1507] That was in that Jesse Ventura.

[1508] Spiracy theory.

[1509] No, that was in that, but it's real.

[1510] Like Donald Rumsfeld, the day before 9 -1 -1, they said, you know, we have a big problem.

[1511] The enemy's here.

[1512] The enemy's here.

[1513] And then the next, he announces that there's $2 .3 trillion.

[1514] I think, though, those are the numbers.

[1515] It's like 2 .3 or 3 .1, some kind of trillions.

[1516] And he announces this the day before 9 -1 -1, and he's going to do something about it.

[1517] And they're going to look into the Pentagon.

[1518] They're going to look into the accounting and all that shit the day before 9 -1 -1.

[1519] And they were just stealing.

[1520] Trillions, it's unaccounted for.

[1521] They go, we don't know where these $2 .3 trillion.

[1522] It just seems like they're just going out of the way.

[1523] Well, how about the most recent one where they said there was billions of dollars missing in Iraq?

[1524] And then they go, oh, no, actually, we found it.

[1525] And the Iraqis were kind enough to watch over and guard it for us.

[1526] Yeah.

[1527] The fuck you did.

[1528] The fuck you did.

[1529] The fuck you found that.

[1530] You found some billions of dollars just laying around.

[1531] What?

[1532] They were just guarding it.

[1533] You didn't know where it was.

[1534] And they just had it in a room somewhere for you?

[1535] Oh, we're just waiting for you to ask.

[1536] Rumsfeld announces this on September 10th, and then the next day, the accounting office blows up in the Pentagon.

[1537] Some say it was a plane, some say it was a missile, whatever.

[1538] The next day, all the records are gone?

[1539] I mean, it just seems like...

[1540] I'll tell you what, man, that 9 -11, there is never a better case for confirmation bias than that 9 -11.

[1541] September 11, you know, confirmation.

[1542] biases when you only look at one side of the argument because you're trying to convince yourself that you're right and in the September 11th one man that's one where people just no one wants to admit that even the possibility that the government somehow knew about it or somehow was involved in organizing it no one would ever ever ever admit that and if you admit that like you're a piece of shit yeah you know that's it's a real tricky thing like they don't want to look at the facts of the past.

[1543] They don't want to look at things like Operation Northwoods or the Bay of Pigs or all the different times where it might have been a bunch of bullshit while we were in some country and while young people were getting killed for their crazy bidding.

[1544] It might have been bullshit that we would have never agreed to if we knew what the fuck was really going on.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] But for whatever reason, you know, people don't want to look at that.

[1547] They don't want to look at that possibility.

[1548] It's incredible the amount of evidence there is that their 911 was super shady.

[1549] I mean, the fact that most people don't even know three skyscrapers went down on 9 -11 most people they'll tell you too you ask how many skyscrapers went down three went down they just don't talk about tower seven that was a like a 50 -story skyscraper that just imploded like a controlled demo you could look at it and it looks like a controlled demo you look at it you see it it's on video a bunch of different angles and they didn't talk about it in the the initial 9 -1 -1 commission report they didn't didn't even talk about why this skyscraper went down after years of pressure and people go what the fuck happened to tower seven why did it look like why was it demo to go it fell at free fall speed everyone kept saying it fall at fill free fall speed explain that people wanted answer so finally the government hired uh i think they're called um cyst it's like initials for some scientific company that's funded by the government nist N -I -S -T.

[1550] You could see the videos on YouTube unless they've been pooled.

[1551] And there, they had a press conference and to explain what happened to this 50 -story, or it's like 47 -story skyscraper that just on video got controlled down where they're going.

[1552] It fell at free fall speed.

[1553] They're saying, so they came up and to prove that it wasn't free fall speed, that if it was free fall speed, that it would have, it would have fell in 4 .2 seconds, instead of, you know, 4 .4 seconds or some ridiculous thing like that.

[1554] Like, there were a second off.

[1555] So they were just there to prove that it wasn't free fall speed.

[1556] So therefore, there's no conspiracy.

[1557] So wait a minute.

[1558] So do any controlled demo, any controlled demos, do they fall at free fall speed?

[1559] No, no, they go, the definition of free fall speed is something, this is what they say, something falling without any resistance.

[1560] That's free fall speed.

[1561] So this building had resistance.

[1562] So it's not free fall speed.

[1563] So they go, wait a minute.

[1564] It's ridiculous.

[1565] It wasn't ridiculous.

[1566] There's mass. Of course there's some resistance.

[1567] stood up and said so wait a minute so do control demos do you consider that free fall speed and they go nope that's not free fall speed oh so control demos are not free fall speed so why are we talking about this yeah what is that it was ridiculous and you can just tell they just had to do their job that's fascinating that nobody thought anybody was going to counter that and ask them if controlled demolitions or free fall speed yeah i don't know if that was a controlled demolition because obviously i'm not an architect nor do i know anything about building instruction so it is possible that you know you could burn a building and the fire reaches so high and it's so hot that all the floors collapsed uniformly and it pancakes into itself it is possible i don't know based on you know architects and engineers from an 11 truth they don't think it's possible yeah there's something like 1300 different engineers just common sense just common sense this is a video of a control demo and no other building you just put like like a detective no building has ever fallen like that ever before do you think they armed the building when they built it What do you think they did?

[1568] If you think that's a controlled demolition, what do you think they did?

[1569] And everybody, like, there's a lot of people right now getting angry.

[1570] It's a fucking bullshit conversation.

[1571] You fucking conspiracy theorist.

[1572] Listen, I don't know.

[1573] I'm not saying.

[1574] I literally have no opinion on it.

[1575] But when I look at it, it does look like a controlled demolition.

[1576] Does that mean anything?

[1577] No, because I'm an idiot.

[1578] And I'm not some sort of an engineer or any sort of a scientist.

[1579] However, why does everybody get mad when you say it looks like a controlled demolition?

[1580] Because it fucking does.

[1581] Yeah.

[1582] It sure does.

[1583] Why are they mad?

[1584] Why are you mad when I say that someone that goes, it kinks in the middle and then falls into its own base?

[1585] Instantly.

[1586] Instantly.

[1587] All it wants.

[1588] It does it all like crumples.

[1589] Everything gives out at the exact same order.

[1590] Like it just like it wouldn't have controlled demolition.

[1591] It all gave out floor to floor is perfect.

[1592] It looks exactly like a controlled down.

[1593] Fell into its base.

[1594] No other.

[1595] No one's saying it's a controlled demolition.

[1596] I don't know.

[1597] It looks like it looks like one.

[1598] It looks like one.

[1599] It does.

[1600] It does.

[1601] Why does everybody get mad when you say it looks like a controlled demolition?

[1602] Just look at it.

[1603] Look at control demos.

[1604] There's plenty of video on them.

[1605] And then look at Tower 7.

[1606] It's all on YouTube.

[1607] You could just watch it.

[1608] No skyscraper ever has fallen like that from fires.

[1609] But it could be that, you know, if it gets damaged, the way that got damaged, and apparently that was also the house diesel fuel there.

[1610] And there's like some sort of a lawsuit because of that.

[1611] So they're saying like the diesel fuel led to, you know, the fire being so hot that everything collapsed like that.

[1612] It's possible.

[1613] It looks like a controlled demolition.

[1614] You don't believe that?

[1615] But it could be.

[1616] But wait a minute, you see, but if they did really have, like, who knows how many gallons of fucking diesel fuel, you know, thousands, millions, who knows, and that stuff is on fire, that's an incredible amount of heat that would be generated.

[1617] That does make sense that it could compromise the structural integrity of a building.

[1618] If it's all, I mean, if it basically becomes an oven.

[1619] If I had a bet a million dollars, either way and we were going to find out the answer, and you have to guess, I would definitely go, okay, this is, I would say.

[1620] Control demolition.

[1621] There's a lot of shady shit going on.

[1622] Well, here's where it gets really crazy.

[1623] And then the war started after that.

[1624] It was a way to get into the war.

[1625] Well, here's what gets really crazy.

[1626] That was, that building was where the NSA had offices, the CIA had offices.

[1627] The Tower 7.

[1628] Abel intelligence.

[1629] Had all kinds of, like, secret fucking black -op shit going on there.

[1630] What would you choose, Joe?

[1631] You know what?

[1632] Let's just tell your little story.

[1633] What would you choose, Joe, if you were doing the same yes or no question that he did?

[1634] You know, like, we're going to find the answer out right now.

[1635] What do you mean?

[1636] If it was a controlled demolition.

[1637] What would I do?

[1638] Which would you choose?

[1639] Oh, if I had to say, one of the other, whether it wasn't up, that's a good question.

[1640] Boy, it looks like a controlled demolition.

[1641] You know, I don't, it doesn't make sense to me. It was $1 million, right?

[1642] Trillion dollars.

[1643] No, $1 million for me, $10 billion for him.

[1644] $10 billion, too.

[1645] It's fucking really hard to guess, man. It'd be really hard to guess.

[1646] Because, honestly, it sounds preposterous, and this is just my, you know, Occam's razor, logic, all that stuff.

[1647] When I think the fact that they might have hired a whole crew to rig this building with explosives or maybe construct a building with explosives built in, like, does anybody do that?

[1648] Or is it possible that this fucking two planes slammed into these giant towers caused all this fucking damage to neighboring buildings, and it started a fire, and the fire lit up these gasoline drums that were filled with diesel fuel, and there's millions of gallons of fuel.

[1649] And the whole thing inside of it became like a fucking oven.

[1650] just gave out all at once.

[1651] Shit.

[1652] I got to go with...

[1653] You got to go with control demolition.

[1654] Yeah, fuck, yeah.

[1655] You would go with controlled demolition?

[1656] Yeah, if I had to, one way or the other, I absolutely don't know.

[1657] But if I would not be surprised if it was proven that it was a controlled demolition.

[1658] I'm sorry, you both lost guys.

[1659] The true answer was two planes just crashed in there and there was a lot of fuel in the building and everyone's just...

[1660] You know, that's the true answer?

[1661] How do you know that's fair fact, though?

[1662] It is.

[1663] It's just true.

[1664] It's just true.

[1665] You'd be surprised.

[1666] that not only do most regular people Brian you're an awesome are you are don't know about Tower 7 but check this out I'm a grappler's quest right and one of the the refs um after in the middle of the show we we uh we started talking about I don't know how it came up but he said he used to work for the FBI and then he got out of that shit and then he's you know started working with Brian Simmons and with Grappler's Quest and all that stuff and I go so what do you think about he started telling me how that when you know he had like shit jobs like FBI is not glamorous dude when 911 happened guess what I had bucket duty I had me at ground zero just putting shit I was doing nothing there was no investigative work we were just all out there just picking up trash man he was like talking about FBI being Can you imagine how much time it took to clean up 200 story skyscrapers of garbage dude that would have taken like 100000 Mexicans they would have finished that shit in like a month but anyways had to go there he's allowed to say he's a mexican i take advantage of that i'm liberal with that but i he was telling me this like fuck it was like we were on bucket patrol FBI so not glamorous it's not like it is in the movies bro trust me and i go so what do you think about tower seven man what do you think and he goes what do you mean tower seven i go you don't you know that tower seven that was a third tower that went down didn't get hit by a plane there's a third one that went down you know i said you know the uh CIA had offices in there maybe intelligent and Ron all that he goes oh hmm man you know what they're probably just getting rid of a lot of evidence that's what he said he goes goes up top they just they're just trying to get rid of that's what his he didn't even know about it could you imagine if that's really what they did if they rigged the building to explode to get rid of evidence shady stuff that they've been yeah but wait a minute do you think I mean how how deep you're willing to take it you want to take that's what the this is what the guy told me you know what i mean this guy no well that makes sense with that building but how deep are you willing to take it are you willing to take it do you believe that they could have let 9 -11 happen they could have let those people fly those planes into those buildings well i think they the i would if i had to guess it would be something similar to what they were going to do in cuba they were already going to do something like that and like you know even vietnam and pearl harbor they they you know government first you know maybe it's not even the government it's people on over the government they need reasons to get into war we need the people behind it we need people waving American flags so you know it's it's standard building empires 101 yeah they actually moved some of their warships out of the Navy base in Hawaii because they knew that they were going to be attacked they moved valuable ships Americans did not want to get into World War II we got into World War II after the Japanese raided Pearl Harbor but we had known the Japanese apparently the government and supposedly had known.

[1667] I mean, this was on the history channel.

[1668] They were talking about it.

[1669] Yeah, back then it was a conspiracy theory.

[1670] Now, it's mainstream knowledge now that America knew about it.

[1671] And they'd let it happen.

[1672] They go, perfect.

[1673] Let them come in there.

[1674] Yeah, what the fuck?

[1675] They needed to get into the war.

[1676] Can you imagine the mindset that you have to have to allow U .S. soldiers to die, allow them to die knowing that you're going to manipulate the whole situation and bring people into war now.

[1677] And Northwoods explain that really quick.

[1678] I mean, this is...

[1679] 1962, the Joint Chiefs of Staff signed a document that was...

[1680] What they were going to do was they were going to arm Cuban friendlies and have them attack Guantanamo Bay.

[1681] It could have easily killed U .S. soldiers, right?

[1682] They were going to put a drone plane in the air and blow it up and blame it on the Cubans and that was going to make people want to go to war with Cuba.

[1683] There was all these different things that they were doing to get people enthusiastic about going to war with Cuba.

[1684] I mean, that's real.

[1685] Yeah, it's real.

[1686] It's a fact...

[1687] Signed by the Joint Cisisis.

[1688] It wasn't like...

[1689] an idea that someone came up with that everybody wants like get the fuck out of here no they signed it they put it together Kennedy this is a plan yeah Kennedy vetoed it so it's happened before you know it happened with Northwoods it happened in Pearl Harbor and you know no one went to jail that's what's really important man you know getting into Vietnam that was all shady that was like yeah some fake attack that we got in Iraq and Afghanistan exactly I mean I had a whole bit about that you know about like that people like what they're 9 -1 -1 yeah how did yeah but I yeah sure but doesn't make any sense.

[1690] I mean, like, I was talking to a friend of mine last night.

[1691] He's a really good guy, but he's, you know, he's like real kind of rah -rah.

[1692] And we were having this conversation about why we're in Afghanistan.

[1693] I go, do you see a threat in Afghanistan?

[1694] When was the last time they even talked about, like, the war in Afghanistan being because there's a threat?

[1695] You know what the, I hear about Afghanistan.

[1696] I hear about trillions of dollars in minerals.

[1697] I hear about 90 % of the world's opium.

[1698] I hear about natural gas pipelines, the Soviet Union wants to control.

[1699] I hear about all these incredible resources.

[1700] that this place has and then the whole country is like in this state of chaos you know i mean it's like one city and then a bunch of like warlords man like what we're over there for what reason what are we doing it's basically like if your wife cheated on you three times over your marriage and then there's all this evidence that she's doing it again and you're like no way she would never do it she would never do it wait there's evidence it's not just we have like video evidence of her sucking a dick and and you don't think she's cheating Oh, the lighting in the shadows, bro.

[1701] You know what I mean?

[1702] Photoshop, bro.

[1703] Yeah, it's not real.

[1704] I could do that.

[1705] Anybody could do that.

[1706] CGI, man. So he's the enemy.

[1707] I mean, our government has done this several times.

[1708] It's a fact.

[1709] And no, no, no, 911 was not.

[1710] That's insane.

[1711] Tower 7 went down like a controlled demo.

[1712] No plane hit it.

[1713] Oh, it was a fire.

[1714] Like, Jesus Christ.

[1715] That's incredible.

[1716] But it's way sexier to think that it was a controlled demo.

[1717] it's way sexy to think there's a bunch of dudes sitting there and they go pull it pull it and they hit the button and the whole thing implodes and then they go don't worry about it who's going to know we're going to have to talk about this don't worry about it I got it covered you know I wish I wish our government like every day our officials woke up and said you know we got to get together and we've got to make it better for the people what are we going to do we're going to make the best country ever you know what I mean we're going to make the best country sounds like an ABC after school special on the presidency.

[1718] You know what I wish it was like that.

[1719] That's how it was in 1776.

[1720] I mean, look at JFK and all that shit.

[1721] You put it all together and our government has every government, really.

[1722] It's just like every government basically as a history of massive corruption.

[1723] Yeah.

[1724] These were in a corrupt government.

[1725] How could you not see that?

[1726] Do you see Putin get booed in Russia?

[1727] That's deep, dude.

[1728] Fadoor beat up Monson.

[1729] And afterwards, Putin got into the ring and congratulated Fadour and thanked Monson.

[1730] I didn't see that.

[1731] And they were booing him, man. He gave a speech.

[1732] He started talking.

[1733] They were booing him, man. Because they were fed up, man. They're fed up but this guy has pushed himself back into power.

[1734] He was supposed to be elected and then his term was over and then that was it.

[1735] But he's like right back in the mix.

[1736] He never gave up power.

[1737] Yeah.

[1738] It wasn't about to.

[1739] That's a gangster, dude.

[1740] Putin's a bad motherfucker.

[1741] Judo black belt.

[1742] Guy goes hunting and fishing and shit.

[1743] That's a man, dude.

[1744] That's why everybody was terrified when the thought of Sarah Palin actually being the president.

[1745] Because what if Putin, I mean, Putin's a goddamn man. If Sarah Palin actually became president, what if they get in office?

[1746] What if, by some fucking stroke of the imagination, for whatever reason, her and what's his face?

[1747] Get into office.

[1748] What's his name?

[1749] Brian, the guy who ran with Sarah Palin.

[1750] Jesus Christ.

[1751] Yeah, John McCain.

[1752] John McCain.

[1753] John McCain.

[1754] John McCain and Sarah Palin went going to office.

[1755] John McCain is an old man. He's been around a long time.

[1756] I mean, he's really old.

[1757] And, you know, I respect the guy, and he was a war hero and all that stuff, but he's a very old man. And to have that as a running mate, that's his vice president.

[1758] So if he dies, she becomes president.

[1759] So, you know, easily, you look at how Obama's turning gray, man. Obama's getting gray quick.

[1760] Have you noticed that?

[1761] The dude looks tired all the time.

[1762] If that was John McCain, he might be dead.

[1763] So right now he gives out, boom, Sarah Palin has to sit down at a fucking negotiating table with Vladimir Putin.

[1764] Could you imagine?

[1765] Did you imagine how that killer would stare down that Nimrod?

[1766] Can you imagine that conversation, the conversation between this international bad motherfucker and some dingbat who doesn't even read?

[1767] Can you imagine what that conversation would be like?

[1768] God damn.

[1769] So what do you think about Ron Paul?

[1770] I think Ron Paul is a very sensible man. He believes in some strange things.

[1771] He's very religious, but his overwhelming belief in the Constitution is more important to me than whatever religious beliefs that he has to have to get him through his day or, you know, chooses to subscribe to or whatever.

[1772] For whatever reason he believes in, you know, creationism and a lot of those other things, he doesn't believe in the theory of evolution.

[1773] There's a lot of things that he doesn't believe in.

[1774] it's fine with me. That doesn't bother me because his belief in the Constitution and his belief in what America really should be that we shouldn't be the police of the world, that we shouldn't be wasting our resources in all these different countries, that we should be strengthening up our country, our inner cities, our structures, our business, our manufacturing, pull all that resources in and stop giving it to all these fucking gigantic war companies because that's what they are.

[1775] They're war profiteers.

[1776] The war profiteers have hijacked the whole system.

[1777] and the pharmaceutical companies have hijacked the fucking drug laws so that there's a disproportionate amount of people that want things that are in jail because they want them because they're not sanctioned by the government and they become nonviolent drug offenders when you know they could just get the prescription pill form and they'd be just as fucked up and fine you know they can't choose to do what they want to do it's the whole package is bought and sold so when you step in if you're if you're a president a presidential candidate who that fuck you are man good luck Good luck fixing this mess.

[1778] Good luck fixing this tangled fishing line.

[1779] It's pretty amazing watching the debates.

[1780] And anybody that speaks that besides Ron Paul, you just, it's like total bullshit.

[1781] Everybody, just nothing but bullshit.

[1782] And then Ron Paul, that's like a real dude who's breaking it down.

[1783] You know, honestly, his whole drug policy, that's pretty, that takes big balls to come out like that with his drug policy.

[1784] you know what I mean and well there's evidence in other countries Portugal Portugal less people are addicted to drugs less people were involved in prostitution because they made it legal they made they made drugs legal they just said fucking let's just decriminalize the whole package that's what Ron Paul wants to do so it should be man you can't nanny state the fucking world keep it from your kids keep it from your communities you know and you know if people are selling it if they're pushing it if you know if you feel like you know you can keep them out of your community man you know you could they're criminals you should get rid of them But for people who have it, let them do whatever the fuck they want, man. Let them do whatever they want.

[1785] That's how it should be.

[1786] You know, if they're not hurting you, let them do it.

[1787] Let them do everything.

[1788] Let them try heroin.

[1789] I think it's stupid.

[1790] You want to do it?

[1791] Go ahead.

[1792] I support it.

[1793] I don't want my kids to do it.

[1794] I'm going to try to educate them as much as possible.

[1795] Stay the fuck away from heroin.

[1796] But ultimately, they can get it.

[1797] They can get it anyway.

[1798] Who are you going to vote for?

[1799] No, that's who you're going to call.

[1800] Byrd.

[1801] Vote for him also.

[1802] Herman Kane, just for a goof.

[1803] Not Ron Paul?

[1804] I think the whole thing's rigged.

[1805] Yeah, I'll vote for Ron Paul.

[1806] Sure, I'll vote for Ron Paul.

[1807] But, you know, Ron Paul is probably not going to get into the position to be the Republican nominee.

[1808] So I have to register as a Republican, which is just gross.

[1809] Do you think they're going out of their way, the media, to ignore them?

[1810] Sure, of course they are.

[1811] I saw one show.

[1812] This was the most hilarious version of it.

[1813] They were talking about how Mitt Romney at the time and Rick Perry were battling out for the second and third spot.

[1814] So battling out for number two and number three.

[1815] And then they started going into this whole battle between number two and number three and what Mitt Romney needs to do.

[1816] what Rick Perry needs to do, all the while ignoring Ron Paul, because he was number one.

[1817] They didn't even talk about Ron.

[1818] They just talked about these two dudes battling out for two and three, and who's going to emerge.

[1819] Why do you think the media is ignoring him?

[1820] Because he's not media -centric.

[1821] He doesn't do anything that all these giant corporations want.

[1822] Everything that he says is like utopia, you know, dream state where the military industrial complex doesn't really have control over Congress and the politicians and everyone at the top of the heat.

[1823] but they really do they really do so what happens when he gets in place what happens when they put him in office and you know and then they go we're going to do what we're going to get Afghanistan the fuck we are sit down dude and then what happens does he go on TV and tell it everybody you know they were just going to get him killed I mean what's going to happen then is it going to be revealed that we actually live in a 100 % complete police state and now unfortunately because of Mr. Paul's death the bullshit facade gets dropped and we just fucking march people into camps don't you think they should redo the whole president thing?

[1824] What?

[1825] Don't you think they should redo the whole president thing where there's like multiple presidents like three?

[1826] That's a good idea.

[1827] A team of presidents is a good idea.

[1828] Like a justice leader.

[1829] You know, really the idea is based on tribes of monkeys.

[1830] It's really stupid.

[1831] It's great for 50 monkeys.

[1832] It's not good for 300 million human beings.

[1833] They have one person reside over everyone.

[1834] One person to be our representative and we don't trust them enough to give them more than a four year stretch of the time.

[1835] You know, we don't trust them to keep doing it.

[1836] And after eight years, you're done.

[1837] Get the fuck out.

[1838] It doesn't matter if you're the best at your job of all time.

[1839] The temptation for corruption is just too powerful.

[1840] We will not allow the best person for the job to continue to have this job.

[1841] We won't allow them.

[1842] Even though the person who's probably best of the job has the most experience, doesn't have to be brief, doesn't have to, you know, is willing and able to continue it.

[1843] Bill Clinton would have done another four years if you let him.

[1844] They're not, no, I'm sorry.

[1845] Next guy.

[1846] Moving in.

[1847] We've got the next crook in town, and this guy's got his gang with him.

[1848] There's Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

[1849] They come with fucking shovels and bags and you're stealing everything.

[1850] That's the funniest presidency of all time.

[1851] CEO of Halliburton, a company that makes its money by fixing shit after the United States blows it up in war, they get fucking billions of dollars in no -bid contracts to fix stuff after we blow it up because the guy who used to be their CEO wants to go to war in Afghanistan and Iraq.

[1852] So he forces everybody to go to war.

[1853] he forces Bush into it, they make fucking insane amounts of money.

[1854] And somehow or another, the whole thing takes place in front of everybody's eyes.

[1855] Yeah, on TV.

[1856] If that's not like a brilliant jacking, what is?

[1857] Yeah, I think gangster.

[1858] Think of that, how could that even be legal?

[1859] How could it even be legal?

[1860] The idea, the only way it could be legal is you would have to assume that this person for sure is incapable of doing something inhumane like going to war for any reason other than the fact that American lives are in danger.

[1861] There's no way they would go to war just for profit.

[1862] That's unheard of.

[1863] So that has to be assumed.

[1864] Otherwise, it couldn't be allowed.

[1865] You wouldn't allow someone who wants the CEO of a company that fixes up shit we blow up.

[1866] To just start taking over and blowing things up at an unprecedented rate.

[1867] Oh, what a coincidence.

[1868] This guy's the vice president.

[1869] And now we've blown up more shit than ever in history.

[1870] Whoopsies.

[1871] It's totally coincidental.

[1872] Don't worry about that.

[1873] That guy doesn't have a heart anymore, man. and they've got an electric heart in there pumping his shit.

[1874] He's got some crazy pacemaker where he doesn't have a pulse.

[1875] He's just got a pump.

[1876] So his body's just pumping blood.

[1877] Like literally, he's a zombie.

[1878] Dick Cheney's like an anti -crise zombie.

[1879] He's got no heartbeat.

[1880] Think of that.

[1881] Think of that.

[1882] I mean, is that not in the scriptures, man?

[1883] A man who walks with no heartbeat and feels no remorse for the millions of deaths, that shit could be in the scriptures.

[1884] That easily could be in the scriptures.

[1885] Turn on your heart life.

[1886] Those motherfuckers took us to war.

[1887] war for money.

[1888] Isn't that amazing?

[1889] Remember that?

[1890] They've always done it.

[1891] People have always done that.

[1892] Remember that one bit?

[1893] We're talking about George Bush and how dumb he is.

[1894] Yeah, we can go dumber.

[1895] Yeah, and you know what?

[1896] They did with Sarah Palin.

[1897] They did go dumber.

[1898] You know, somebody took that, make that clip from my 2005 special.

[1899] They took that clip and added it to a picture of Sarah Palin at the end.

[1900] And it said like, really?

[1901] Yeah, we can go dumber.

[1902] Can we see that?

[1903] Is it on YouTube?

[1904] You won't find it, man. You won't find it.

[1905] I don't want to play it anyway.

[1906] I don't want to hear myself to stand up.

[1907] I freak myself out, especially from 2005, I was like a little too, little too yelly.

[1908] A little too yellow.

[1909] What's the word?

[1910] I love early Rogan.

[1911] He was just mad all the time, man. Early Rogan.

[1912] Angry before the weed.

[1913] I really found it to be a tremendous waste of time now.

[1914] I'm still occasionally angry, but more tongue -in -cheek than ever before.

[1915] Why as you get older, too?

[1916] You start thinking, I've got to pick the things I'm mad at, man, because you can get mad at everything all day if you really want to.

[1917] I know people to get mad at everything all day.

[1918] You ever see people that in relationships to get mad at everything all day?

[1919] Girls nitpick it guys and the guy fucking fires back and you go, wow, you guys are not handling this so well.

[1920] And you guys are handling this kind of silly.

[1921] You don't have to do this, you know?

[1922] That's hard.

[1923] It's hard to watch, man. Especially when people have kids, dude.

[1924] That's when it gets hard, dude.

[1925] That's when it gets hard.

[1926] I got a friend.

[1927] I got a friend who's got a kid and him and his wife.

[1928] they, um, they, they, they, they, they, they, they seem like they seem like they're, they're both upset at each other.

[1929] Do I know him?

[1930] Yeah.

[1931] I know he's talking about it.

[1932] It's unfortunate, you know, it's like, God damn, you guys get this beautiful situation here.

[1933] You love, you love each other.

[1934] Come on.

[1935] Get it together.

[1936] You know what?

[1937] Either one of them smoke weed.

[1938] That might be a part of the problem.

[1939] Right?

[1940] I think everybody needs a little weed, man, a little perspective.

[1941] It's a little perspective enhancer.

[1942] You know, don't you think?

[1943] When you smoke, don't you like smoking weed, we, we, we just, we just, we just, we just, we don't you your girl doesn't that is that a nice thing yeah it's the best thing right it's like you you like you chilled together you know you hang out together it feels better when you kiss each other you know it's like a super sensitivity drug you know makes you super sensitive makes you really really like that person you know all their good qualities get accentuated you really appreciate them almost like you see them with new eyes or you can get really paranoid you know freak the fuck out all the dot guys you could call ambulance i was watching i was And just hear phantom buzzes for guys texting her in her phone.

[1944] Oh, man. I've had some serious anxiety attacks, though.

[1945] I was watching cops last night, and it was like...

[1946] Yeah, I've had at least five.

[1947] What's the biggest anxiety attack?

[1948] Sorry to break your...

[1949] Hold on to that thought, Brian.

[1950] I want to hear these anxiety attacks.

[1951] Well, and I never smoked pot growing up just but once a year.

[1952] Sorry.

[1953] Brian, get in there.

[1954] No, I'm good.

[1955] Don't be scared, homie.

[1956] I have to get on stage in it.

[1957] That's perfect.

[1958] Dude, it's early.

[1959] It's only 8 .20, man. Shows I was on a star for two hours.

[1960] Get in there, son.

[1961] Plus, we're going to go get some food after this.

[1962] We got to hurry.

[1963] People start getting here at 9.

[1964] Why are they getting here an hour and a half early?

[1965] Do they have chronicles?

[1966] Oh, who's coming at 9?

[1967] I just told everyone to come as close as 9 as possible.

[1968] Oh, okay.

[1969] So they'll all be here around 10, like last time.

[1970] In high school, I didn't smoke weed.

[1971] Like I said, once a year at a party or something.

[1972] and I would always get paranoid wasn't into it at all I did not like smoking weed at all growing up in 11th grade at lunch there was a big stoner crowd there's probably like a hundred people in the stoner crowd and everyone thought I was a stoner because I hung out in the stoner crowd but if you look closely I was like on the edge I wasn't really in with those guys.

[1973] You didn't sit in man yeah I wasn't really it appeared I was but I actually wasn't hanging out with them just me and three other guys on the side and one day I did I got pulled into the crowd and they're passing around a joint and I said fuck it I didn't want to be a douche I was kind of like stoked that they pulled me in smoked a little bit of weed is at lunch and I walked to my next class and I sat down I was Boom boom boom boom Yeah exactly So it was history And I'm sitting there's U .S. history And I'm so fucked up out of my mind I'm like I freaked out I was getting paranoid So I thought how am I going to get through this class So I go just look straight Don't look at anybody Just look straight Don't do nothing I go oh my God I'm freaking out but I'm not, no one's going to know, no one's going to go.

[1974] And then I look to the side.

[1975] And there's, people are looking back on, look at his eyes, his eye.

[1976] My eyes got fucking, they said there were, people were like turning around, pointing at my eyes, and I'm like, fuck, don't look at me, please.

[1977] Don't bring attention to me, please.

[1978] Everyone's laughing.

[1979] I'm like, fuck.

[1980] And then some girl handed me her compact, just look at your eyes.

[1981] I looked at my eyes, and they were so red.

[1982] It was fucking like a zombie's eyes.

[1983] Well, you have, you have contacts.

[1984] Did you have contacts back there?

[1985] have contacts back then.

[1986] Did you have glasses?

[1987] Like black framed glasses?

[1988] Yes, I did.

[1989] I did work like every now and then.

[1990] Every now and then.

[1991] But I'm not to school.

[1992] Fuck no. But I looked at my eyes and I freaked out.

[1993] I just stood up and walked out of class and went to the bathroom and I sat on the bathroom floor.

[1994] Meanwhile, everyone's in class and I sat on the bathroom floor just freaking out like just panicking like I was on a rack or something.

[1995] Just sitting on the bathroom floor.

[1996] The teacher calls the campus cop.

[1997] Total asshole.

[1998] Big ass.

[1999] mustache.

[2000] Total asshole.

[2001] He opens the door.

[2002] Big ass mustache.

[2003] He opens it.

[2004] I like it.

[2005] You put those two together.

[2006] Total asshole.

[2007] Big ass mustache.

[2008] I'll never forget him.

[2009] He opens the bathroom door and I'm sitting down.

[2010] And he opens it goes, what are you doing in here?

[2011] And I immediately started crying.

[2012] I'm like, I'm sick.

[2013] I'm sick.

[2014] Like, I pretend like I was sick.

[2015] And everybody had known that I was fucked up on weed because the teacher knew.

[2016] Everyone was laughing.

[2017] I just walked out of class.

[2018] He grabbed me by the neck, picked me up, and dragged me to the principal's office.

[2019] And I'm like, I just started crying so, just pretending that I was sick.

[2020] And he knew I wasn't sick.

[2021] So he brought me to the principal's office.

[2022] He had a toupee on.

[2023] It was awesome.

[2024] And he was really cool.

[2025] He goes, what's wrong?

[2026] I go, I'm sick.

[2027] I ate a bad corn dog.

[2028] I'm sick.

[2029] And he goes, and the cop was like, it wasn't buying it at all.

[2030] But the principal just looked at me and said, all right, let him go home.

[2031] And he just let me go home.

[2032] And I just walked home, like all fucked up.

[2033] I got home, just laid down on my.

[2034] my bed and I'll never forget looking at the VCR clock just watching the minutes clicked by just I couldn't wait it just seemed like it was gonna last forever just watching the clock please feeling go away I hate this feeling I hated it yeah I only got high maybe a dozen times before I started getting high with you my over the course of my whole life but one time I did when I was 15 with this girl that I dated we she was she it was her idea and my friend Josh we all three of us got high together and I was probably like 15 14 maybe 14 15 and I stole my dad's weed he had some super strong weed man I mean it was I don't I mean I was a little kid right and I don't know how we smoked it I don't remember anything but what I do remember is just lying on the couch my whole body just tangling like little electrical circuits are going off in my whole body and then I was time traveling I would I would be on my back on the couch and then boom I'd be in front of the refrigerator and I had no recollection how I got there it was like instantly I appeared in front of the refrigerator and then boom I was in the bedroom and I couldn't remember walking to the bedroom it's like my short term memory was so fucked that every few steps my whole brain just rebooted and I'm like how do I get here it erased all the steps up to get to that point there was no memory I mean my brain was fucked we were both We were giggling, but I was scared of weed after that for a while.

[2035] I didn't do it again for a long time.

[2036] That was a scary one.

[2037] Yeah, I hated it, man. I could believe that people could function and smoke weed.

[2038] I didn't get it.

[2039] Guys in the bands that I was in growing up, there was always one stoner or two stoners.

[2040] And every time he made a mistake playing bass, I would like blame the weed.

[2041] I go, see, you come in your fucking stone.

[2042] That fucking weed just fucks your brain up.

[2043] That's what I would do with Andy Dick on news radio.

[2044] Really?

[2045] Yeah, we'd come in high and he wouldn't remember his.

[2046] lyrics i'm like the freak is high again like you'd be all pissed off i was totally mad i was such a dick to stoners growing up oh me too i was a dick i was well you're addicted people i'm sorry you're addicted to the people that you're afraid of yourself being you know i was afraid of being a stoner what you're saying i was just say i was watching cops last night and i was thinking about in the future when marijuana will probably be legal uh and so this officer was just going off on this girl for having some weed like it was you know like maybe a quarter or something like that but it was going off just like going you know how i can't believe this weed and i was thinking how silly is this video going to look like in 10 years when weed's completely legal and it's like normal and everything like you're going to look back at how this cop was just going fucking ape shit on something that's like vitamins i wonder if weed is going to be legal in 10 years i mean i would like to think it would be but honestly i'm not sure because if you go back to like the 1970s hunter s thompson was given speeches at universities and shit and they were talking about uh legalization of marijuana and you know He's like, oh, it's inevitable.

[2047] Maybe a decade.

[2048] That's what he said.

[2049] Like maybe a decade.

[2050] Maybe no. Maybe never, man. Illegal.

[2051] In all the shit we know now, the fact that it's illegal now is absolutely preposterous.

[2052] Flies in the face of science.

[2053] Flies in the face of logic.

[2054] There's no reason for them to be protecting us from it.

[2055] The only reason to keep it legal at this point is there's two reasons.

[2056] One, because you don't want to ever admit you were wrong and let all those people out of jail that you locked up for it.

[2057] And two, what is the two?

[2058] don't fart in the bathtub no whatever there's no there's no other I don't know what the second my second point was there's no logical reason you have to be bought and paid by the pharmaceutical companies that's the only this only logical reason either you don't want to admit that you you know you fucked up in the past you don't want to rephrase the laws because then you open up this conundrum of you being guilty of locking people in jail for something that's not really a crime it's either that or you're being bought and paid for somebody's paying to make sure that you don't have these things legal because it's clear that you're not protecting anybody but we've come on long way, though.

[2059] We have in California.

[2060] The fact that there's dispensaries, and like 14 other states, too.

[2061] Dude, I've been reading about people getting arrested left and right, though.

[2062] On Twitter, people always send me things about, like, some high school kid gets arrested for weed, you know, I was doing three years in jail.

[2063] You know, you hear about this shit.

[2064] It's still happening in the country.

[2065] I think it's becoming more and more legal, but every now and then you've got little dips.

[2066] And it's also like one out of the thousands.

[2067] It's going to be hard to stop.

[2068] It is hard, but...

[2069] California will never go back.

[2070] You know what I'm using as a model?

[2071] though, I'm using this Occupy Wall Street.

[2072] It's hard to stop this Occupy Wall Street, but boy, are they fucking trying.

[2073] They're getting violent.

[2074] They're getting violent about it.

[2075] And you see this UC Davis footage of these cops spraying, these pepper spray spray in this shit in this kid's face, all of them, little kids at point blank range.

[2076] But they're seeing them jabbing people with batons.

[2077] Like, they are reacting.

[2078] But all these officers are getting in trouble for it.

[2079] Are they?

[2080] Yeah, they're getting suspended and all the shit.

[2081] So I don't think it's too crazy because I think they realize that everyone has cameras that they have to follow some kind of rules because we're all going to know about it in like I would like to believe that but you know that Tony baloney guy that guy who pepper sprayed those girls in New York like one of the first instances right that guy only lost 10 vacation days 10 paid vacation days that's it that guy should be fired there's no way you should be allowed to be a fucking cop and that's what you want to do to some girls just pepper spray him in the face you've got them all corralled in one spot he has pepper spray him in the he is he is um an officer this is not to defend him or anything but he is an officer and he probably doesn't make a lot of money I would imagine 10 vacation days that's ridiculous but that is also a lot of money probably for him you know so it is a lot of money it's a lot of money for him doing a job that he didn't do well no no I'm just saying so it is a penalty like if you're an officer you're not going to be like dude that is I'm not going to go crazy because I don't want to lose fucking 10 vacation days you know they're getting they obviously fought the union must have fought to keep that guy in in position Because that's the only thing that makes sense.

[2082] It's like when you see shit like the guy, the guy at UC Davis that pepper sprayed those kids in the face, I don't know what happened to him.

[2083] But there's no way that guy should ever be in charge, ever of enforcing the law.

[2084] There's no way that guy should ever call himself an officer of the peace.

[2085] There's a bunch of little kids.

[2086] They could be my daughters.

[2087] They could be my sons.

[2088] They're 16, 18 years old, whatever the fuck they are.

[2089] And you're pepper spraying him in the face.

[2090] Fuck you, man. That's just disgusting.

[2091] I don't care if they weren't listening to you.

[2092] I don't care.

[2093] What you're doing is disgusting.

[2094] thing that's disgusting.

[2095] It's malicious.

[2096] It's sadistic.

[2097] You know what you're doing.

[2098] You're spraying them in the face to teach them a lesson.

[2099] You're inflicting pain on them to get them away from you.

[2100] And you think you're being slick about it.

[2101] You think it's your job.

[2102] And the world says, fuck you.

[2103] And that's why the world took that guy's picture and put it online and put his email online.

[2104] Yeah.

[2105] Yeah, he's a, that guy's a, that's a bad example.

[2106] Do you think I should do a pepper spray fetish video where I just get sprayed by this girl with a, it's not real pepper spray, but I have to act like it is?

[2107] Are you going to become a fetish?

[2108] porn star i just want to know because i don't think i continue to work with you in this capacity you start doing rape fetish videos you get tied up in trunks dude if i found there's a real video you out there you're getting tied up in trunks do you show them your ass for 400 bucks no but if there's nothing porn about it it's just 30 minutes of me to find a sponsor for the podcast okay that's what you need you don't need to be sticking your ass in the air and letting these guys duct tape your mouth they're gonna fuck you and they're gonna say that you agree to it because you're not gonna read the contract so in some fine line oh yeah and we get to fucking this it probably is like written in there and under a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo as long as the client understands that forcible anal sex is a big part of the program thanks bye just put death squad tv on it yeah if i just make it and make my own yeah why don't you make videos are you getting fucked in the ass it's worth a lot of but no no ass sex it's just want to make money there's a fetish there for people that like looking at people tied up let's build it up my own fetish of just people getting tied up it made it really cool let's build it up slow We've made it really cool?

[2109] Yeah, like...

[2110] We're starting up with that, and then eventually, we're going to go for the big bucks.

[2111] We're going to have a guy, fuck you.

[2112] No. Come on.

[2113] We'd have a stunt asshole.

[2114] We need to go for the big bucks.

[2115] Okay, stunt asshole.

[2116] Stunt asshole.

[2117] Really obvious.

[2118] Like, old King Kong 1930s claimation.

[2119] No, we could do it like this.

[2120] Comat patient.

[2121] It'll be a guy, like the wide shot.

[2122] It would be a guy, but the tight shot would be a girlfriend with a strap on.

[2123] They won't be able to tell.

[2124] It'll be like, you know what I'm saying?

[2125] It's all in the editing.

[2126] A black girl, you don't feel like compromise.

[2127] The idea of doing these videos doesn't You don't think that people are going to like get off On the idea you being taped up And maybe want to find you and tape you up Yeah, that's I never thought of that angle But that's a good angle That's definitely so I wouldn't do that one I would do stuff like just guys with dirty nails No you should do What you should do I'm just stepping pudding before What you should do is make one This is a no loose situation Make one where you shoot laser beams out of your eyes You stare at a girl in the eyes And it causes her to have to suck your dick that way every way you go girls will want to suck your dick like there's no way that works oh my god it does work the craziest girls will just immediately start blowing you you see he really does have hypnotic powers i do and you just tell them that's that's that's what you do if you're smart not this other fucking bondage thing yeah what about rins just holding hand watching tv it's just you and a friend holding hands watching tv yeah but it's just you're not doing anything else you're just holding each other's hand while watching some tv as long as you can like rub fingers and thumbs together not just holding but caress hands.

[2128] Oh, I didn't think of that.

[2129] Well, what if I had, I had to wear white gloves?

[2130] We were both wearing white gloves.

[2131] Hmm, that's better for sure.

[2132] Yeah, you're just holding white gloves.

[2133] But maybe it feels even more gay because it's all slippery, the cloth, against the cloths.

[2134] We'll put some cat litter in there so it feels uncomfortable.

[2135] The whole time you're getting cut by those crystals as blue crystals.

[2136] That's just, you just ruin the whole thing.

[2137] Put it inside the glove, so it's not comfortable.

[2138] Why do you want to do gay things on video for money?

[2139] I don't really want.

[2140] Is someone offering you something?

[2141] No, I'm not, I'm really not doing this.

[2142] Are you a gay hustler?

[2143] Huh?

[2144] No. I'm just a gay hustler.

[2145] thinking that I know there's a fetish there right now that I've seen that there's people that buy and there's people that are making money off these crazy videos of nothing of guys just like kissing steering wheels really yeah well what you're talking about is not that stuff though you're talking about getting tied up it's hard to find people that are into you being tied up and those people man yeah I never think you don't want to work in that market yeah I don't yeah you don't want to be a common part of that market right you could be really famous in that in the hey I You're the number one guy You'll start making posters and shit Have you all tied up?

[2146] There's like posters and...

[2147] Yeah, you could be the number one guy that everybody wants to rape And you could be like, you know You could be like the Tracy Lords of trunk rape Trunk rape videos You're got stockers I bet I would get a lot of Dexter fans I bet he, Michael C. Hall has that Those fans Like those creepy guys Just like real murderers out of me I wonder man I wonder how many dudes out there Want to be serial killers But they don't want to go to jail So they're like That's not worth it So they open up a Christian bookstore instead.

[2148] Christian bookstore?

[2149] Yeah, just to fight it off.

[2150] Like dudes, do it like Ted Haggard to fight off the gay.

[2151] They just go super, super, super Christian to try to fight off that gay.

[2152] That's most priests.

[2153] Yeah.

[2154] Yeah, most of them.

[2155] Maybe all of them.

[2156] Wouldn't that be crazy if the Catholic Church really was just an organization of kid fuckers?

[2157] I mean, it was a cult, an ancient cult of kid fuckers.

[2158] And they just slowly but surely integrated their way into the cities and the commonwealths.

[2159] They are the rarest.

[2160] guilt and control but really all they wanted to do was it wasn't it wasn't always illegal for the priest to get laid they actually could get laid like most other denominations but they were getting too much pussy they were like rock stars like the dudes they were going to the church they were like hating on the priest because the their wives wanted to bone them so people were leaving and then they decided you know what to save the church we got we got to outlaw getting laid for these dudes can you imagine can imagine with the priest at the time when they did when they were thinking about outlaw and pussy what they were thinking their lives were coming to a fucking halt yeah they probably thought about the same way all those Wall Street people started talking when they started talking about crack it down on Wall Street yeah like the party's over sir the party's over yeah no shit they're probably fighting it can imagine the fucking priest that were fighting this going to the emperor but your highness that's the reason why became a priest so then all those guys end up quitting right they're like fuck that you know what i mean no more pussy fuck they quit so the only guys that would take the job are dudes that didn't give a fuck about pussy what came first what came first the confession booth or where a priest couldn't get pussy anymore which came first that's very important kidding a pussy of course you think so that came first and then the confession booth came after that definitely really yeah hmm i wonder and the confession booth for little kids was probably like the plastic container of a fleshlight.

[2161] Maybe they really tried to keep it together, and for a while they just beat off in there where girls told crazy fuck stories.

[2162] They go, yeah, you know what?

[2163] They outlawed the pussy first, and then they go, you know what, we got to come up with something else.

[2164] Some confession.

[2165] Give you a little beat off.

[2166] So that was, the beat off.

[2167] That's why they had crazy robes.

[2168] You can't, loads just disappear under those things.

[2169] Yeah.

[2170] I remember the first time I was going to catechism, and that's like school to train how to be a Catholic.

[2171] You know what I mean?

[2172] I'm a kid, and they told us about confession.

[2173] We got to go to confession.

[2174] and I was like, fuck, I mean, I was thinking, am I going to have to talk about me playing with myself?

[2175] You know what I mean?

[2176] Like, that was a big concern because I really believed that this priest had connections with God and now God's going to find out that I'm beaten off.

[2177] So that was a big concern.

[2178] And I asked my catechism teacher, I'm like, because you're supposed to say all your sins and then at the end, please God forgive me for all of these sins and all my other past sins, like the ones you couldn't remember.

[2179] Right.

[2180] So I asked my catechism teacher, what if I don't say I leave one of my sins out, Could that part at the end cover it for, like these and all my other sins?

[2181] When she goes, nope, if you remember it, you got to say it.

[2182] I'm like, oh, Jesus, how the fuck am I going to confess playing with myself?

[2183] I didn't call it beating off.

[2184] We didn't call it jerking off.

[2185] It was like playing with myself.

[2186] I was like eight years old going, fuck, this is going to be hard.

[2187] So I practiced that shit.

[2188] And I just wanted to fucking blaze right through it, right over it, and not hesitate.

[2189] So I'm like, you know, hi, it's been, it's, you know, this is my first confession.

[2190] These are my sins.

[2191] I stole a candy bar.

[2192] I yelled at my brother, I lied to my mom, I played with myself, I cheated on homework, and, you know, I'd just, like, go right over it.

[2193] I just put it in there real quick.

[2194] I was hoping he wouldn't ask him.

[2195] I was hoping he wouldn't go, wait a minute, back up a little bit there.

[2196] What do you mean by playing with yourself?

[2197] Like, oh, that was my nightmare, and he didn't.

[2198] They never asked me to explain myself.

[2199] He didn't.

[2200] No, he didn't.

[2201] He didn't.

[2202] Dude, what a panic it would be, if that's the only one he picked up on.

[2203] You did what?

[2204] You played with yourself.

[2205] What does that mean?

[2206] Explain yourself.

[2207] Describe to me and...

[2208] You can hear like a...

[2209] Yeah.

[2210] No, you hear the clank of glass on aluminum as he unscrews his jar of gasoline.

[2211] Wait a minute.

[2212] Back up a little bit.

[2213] Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[2214] Back up.

[2215] Hold on.

[2216] One second.

[2217] What did you do?

[2218] What did you do?

[2219] In detail, in detail.

[2220] Yeah, okay.

[2221] I'm not going to talk.

[2222] I just want to hear you.

[2223] How often do you play with yourself, son?

[2224] Well, I was alone.

[2225] in the tub and I just was washing it and it felt so good I didn't want to stop washing it and next thing you know I wasn't I wasn't even washing it anymore I was just it was sinful it was just for pleasure what did you do man my dick was so small back then when I started playing with myself I couldn't like beat all you know like jerk off like like you normally do I like rubbed my hands together like an Indian like an Indian yes I was starting a fire on my little Peter uh yeah man that's the way I jerked off What do you call it now, Eddie?

[2226] Jerking off.

[2227] No, I mean you're Peter.

[2228] Do you have a name?

[2229] Little Conan.

[2230] You don't have like a name for it?

[2231] No, no. It doesn't need a name.

[2232] Do you Joe?

[2233] Do you have a name for your dick?

[2234] No, but I think I want to name it now.

[2235] I know.

[2236] You have to call it your dick something.

[2237] I want to call it Little Conan.

[2238] Little Conan.

[2239] Little Conan the Barbarian.

[2240] Did you see that video?

[2241] I have a feeling that that's already.

[2242] Did you see that fucking video of the guy, um, the guy has the, the face in his crotch there's a bunch of people that have faces in their crotches no what are you talking about the big bad wolf of you know oh yeah yeah yeah we yeah i watched it that that was fucking hilarious how bizarre is that is that one of the most bizarre things ever yeah can you imagine shrooming look it look look look it up online it's a video on youtube called the big bad wolf have you seen it you haven't seen it any it's fucking awesome should we play it i don't know if we get in trouble that yeah yeah is it somebody sketch yeah somebody made it Go look at, find it online because it's fucking hilarious.

[2243] I don't even want to tell you what it is.

[2244] It's just bizarre.

[2245] That's so good.

[2246] That's a cool thing about, you know, online, all you have to do is put something out there, and if it's good, it will spread, you know, everything spreads.

[2247] That video of Joey Diaz crashing through the thing, it didn't work, it didn't come through for you?

[2248] No, I'm going to have to get it.

[2249] You tried to download it on your phone, it didn't work.

[2250] Right.

[2251] Did you try to download it on your computer?

[2252] It's nudity, though, right?

[2253] Yes, it's doing it.

[2254] Yeah.

[2255] It's Joey Diaz's balls.

[2256] What we have to do is blur that out.

[2257] Yeah, it's an old video, man. Have you seen it, Eddie?

[2258] Oh, we can't play it on this?

[2259] That's why we can't play it.

[2260] Which one?

[2261] Joey Diaz, when he comes crashing through that picture and he's naked, except for a baseball hat and two fucking Timberland boots on.

[2262] An old one, right?

[2263] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2264] Let's get this potty started.

[2265] You got to take it down.

[2266] Yeah, but we found it.

[2267] But that lost it.

[2268] You used it for your website, though.

[2269] Yeah, it was on the other side.

[2270] And then you got to my website for a while.

[2271] You got to remove that.

[2272] Yeah, they got mad at me with some of the stuff.

[2273] that I put on my website.

[2274] Did you have to take anything else down that you remember?

[2275] Like, I don't know of you taking anything down.

[2276] Yeah, there was a bunch of pictures with Joey and a slut.

[2277] Oh, right.

[2278] Some wild creature.

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] It was just, it was good.

[2281] It was bizarre.

[2282] It was like, all of a sudden, what kind of a sight do I have here?

[2283] Sussman must have hated that old Joe show, the porn one with your friend, St. Pierre, or what's his name?

[2284] who the one uh joe show we did with your uh porno friend guy that michael st pierre oh stephen st croix the guy used to come to the comedy store all the time michael st pierre he's fucking making shit up yeah i knew it was three names that's i was a good dude a lot of those guys would come down to the the comedy store the comedy store is a magnet for strange people right wow Hollywood in itself it's weird as i get older when i think about how crazy and chaotic Hollywood really is i couldn't imagine living there it's so strange you lived in West Hollywood forever, dude.

[2285] I don't know how you did it.

[2286] Remember Robert Apavaya?

[2287] Yeah.

[2288] What was that guy's name?

[2289] Robert William Apiviria.

[2290] Is he still alive?

[2291] Oh, yeah, he's still around.

[2292] He does comedy still?

[2293] Yeah.

[2294] He still hates lasers.

[2295] Yeah, he thinks lasers are Nazis coming to get him.

[2296] Five minutes.

[2297] We've got to wrap this bitch up.

[2298] Eddie, where can, what's your latest seminars?

[2299] Oh, and if anybody's into Jiu -Jitsu, listen, we're offering, we're doing a special here where if you go to Legends and sign up for Jiu -Jitsu in Hollywood, it's east of the 101.

[2300] on Santa Monica Boulevard.

[2301] What is the exact address?

[2302] 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard.

[2303] It's 10 -156 Santa Monica Boulevard.

[2304] Yeah, it's Legends MMA, and I teach the Jiu -Jitsu there.

[2305] That's headquarters for 10th Planet Jiu -Jitsu.

[2306] The deal we got going on right now, mention the podcast, just for new customers, mention the podcast, sign a six -month contract and get the first two months free.

[2307] So you only have to pay for four months.

[2308] You get two months of free jiu -jitsu.

[2309] to enjoy the shit out of it and listen if there's beginner classes you don't have to worry you're going to be doing it with people that are just starting out just like you and it's really fun and it's way more fun than just any other kind of regular exercise because you're doing something it's like it's exciting you look forward to it yeah it's like playing a video game but a virtual reality video game because you are practicing killing techniques yes no one gets hurt no one's striking you're just practicing choking each other you know we're everybody in there we're all bros it's like it's it's yeah we tap each other out and then we're cool yeah it happens all the time getting hurt it's it's a great power to have it's a great skill to have the the the skill to to subdue people and put them asleep or to you know render them you know cripple for a temporary temporarily at least it's it's a great skill to have it's so much fun we got beginner classes you don't have to be super smart or anything we have total retards the dude jujitsu kids do it old ladies do it it's so much fun you got to work out everyone has to work out you might as well do something that's super fun super fun and it's a good skill to have you know if you had to choose between just riding a fucking elliptical machine every day and lifting weights every now and then that's going to get boring yeah this is like a skill it's a life skill that can really help you if someone's fucking with you something happens yeah it could save your life you know getting addicted of video games it's not going to save your life and playing golf isn't going to save your life.

[2310] Lifting weights can help in saving your life, but Jiu -Jitsu, that really can't save your life.

[2311] You and I both, when we lift weights, we lift weights just to get stronger at Jiu -Jitsu.

[2312] There's guys who lift weights to look good, you'll do like bicep curls, like they work on certain specific things to look good.

[2313] I don't do anything that doesn't help Jiu -Jitsu.

[2314] That's all I need to do.

[2315] And when you do that, too, I mean, it all falls into place.

[2316] You know, then you start using your body as one unit, too, instead of like the bodybuilding style of isolating things.

[2317] I don't hardly isolate anything anymore.

[2318] Every workout I do is like big cleans and, you know, and squats and kettlebell routines and shit, everything uses the whole body.

[2319] And the only reason why I do it is to get better of jiu -suitz.

[2320] Yeah, well, that's where we met, 97 at Jean -Jacques Machado Academy in the Valley doing jiu -suit, and, you know, we had that one thing in common.

[2321] We're both obsessed with learning how to put people to sleep.

[2322] That's so much fun.

[2323] Yeah, martial arts, man, I think every young man should learn martial arts.

[2324] And not just to be a fighter, to learn about yourself, you know, just to push yourself, to put yourself into difficult situations where you're nervous and to overcome it and to learn from failure and, you know, so important, man, for development of your character, so important for shaping your worldview and relaxing you as a person.

[2325] You know, it's not what everybody thinks it is, man. It's not like a bunch of people trying to be badasses.

[2326] It's not.

[2327] It's not.

[2328] It's really cool people.

[2329] Some of my favorite human beings are my friends from martial arts, guys that I train with.

[2330] Some of my favorite human beings, some of the most relaxed people I know, some of the easiest going, have the ego under control, just super kind, friendly people.

[2331] My favorite image search of Eddie, by the way, on Google image search.

[2332] Also, I'm going to be in Melbourne, Australia, December 3rd.

[2333] That may be sold out, I'm not sure.

[2334] And then New Zealand, December 4th, December 3rd, Melbourne, December 4th, New Zealand.

[2335] I think there's spots still open for New Zealand.

[2336] I think Hamilton, New Zealand, I think.

[2337] And then December 17th in Springfield, I'm doing a seminar that's a free seminar as long as you bring a gift, a gift -wrapped gift for a Christmas drive that we're doing.

[2338] So free seminar, 10th Planet Springfield, December 17th.

[2339] Also, tonight, the movie that I did with Joey Karate and Hinata Laranja were putting it on my YouTube channel.

[2340] tonight at midnight, YouTube .com slash Twisteretti.

[2341] And if you want to listen to my music, Reverbination .com slash smoke serpent.

[2342] So I don't know how many tickets are left for the show tonight, if any, it's a quarter to nine right now while we're wrapping this up.

[2343] And the show starts at 10 .30.

[2344] So it's still a long time from now.

[2345] If you're interested, go to the Ice House website and find the number and call.

[2346] And tonight we got Bill Burr, we got Joey Dia.

[2347] As we got, who else, Brian?

[2348] Brendan Walsh, Steveo.

[2349] Steveo, Brendan Walsh.

[2350] It's a goddamn stellar lineup, ladies and gentlemen.

[2351] And me, I'll be there, too.

[2352] And thank you, everybody.

[2353] Thanks for tuning in.

[2354] Thank you to the fleshlight.

[2355] Go to joe rogan .com.

[2356] Go to joel rogan.

[2357] Enter in the code name Rogan, get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men product that we have all used and endorse.

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[2368] And you'll get 10 % off.

[2369] Thanks to everybody.

[2370] Thank you.

[2371] We'll see you next week with God knows who.

[2372] I think we got some crazy people lined up, right, Brian?

[2373] Yes.

[2374] Yes, we do.

[2375] Follow our Desquod on iTunes.

[2376] And thank you for everything.

[2377] We love you.

[2378] You fucking dirty bitches.

[2379] Dirty.

[2380] We love you.