Molly Shannon

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm in the wrong chair, and I'm joined by...

[2] The right chair.

[3] Still looking tiny in that big old lazy guy.

[4] Yeah, I think I would get sleepy if I sat in this one.

[5] I do.

[6] Yeah.

[7] That's why I'm pounding coffee, tea, diacog, blood, nicotine.

[8] I guess if I just got a new chair, I probably wouldn't even need to do any of that.

[9] Okay, one time you should try my chair because...

[10] It keeps your way.

[11] It is a different feel.

[12] Yeah.

[13] Keep you alert, uncomfortable and alert.

[14] That's right.

[15] This has happened embarrassingly, especially with David's new show, I have fallen asleep.

[16] Yeah, it happened.

[17] It only happened one time, I think, unless you kept the other one to yourself.

[18] One time, you couldn't hide it, your mouth was open.

[19] Not because this show is boring.

[20] No, I just was like, I was so just lulled.

[21] You're sitting in on those, by the way.

[22] You're sitting in.

[23] I'm sitting in on those.

[24] Also, what I'll do, because I'm.

[25] just sitting in as I fucking put that thing back.

[26] I recline it and I kick the legs out.

[27] And that's too much comfort for me. And part of me, like I'm embarrassed, but then another part of me remembers that John D. Rockefeller fell asleep in meetings all the time.

[28] And then I think, oh, maybe I'm achieving greatness by going to sleep.

[29] Okay.

[30] So you found a loophole.

[31] Exactly.

[32] Today we had a fucking A, was she a blast, huh?

[33] Oh, my God.

[34] I enjoyed her so much.

[35] This was so fun because I felt like it had all the layers.

[36] It was really funny, but it was vulnerable and emotion.

[37] Yeah, she's incredibly honest, especially on a topic you and I love.

[38] Oh, yeah.

[39] Self -satisfaction.

[40] So Molly Shannon has a memoir out.

[41] It's called Hello Molly, and it's fantastic.

[42] And she has a much more complicated life than I knew.

[43] You just meet the comedian.

[44] She's so fucking funny.

[45] You don't maybe go to the notion that she's seen quite a bit of trauma in her life.

[46] And it was just so much fun talking to her.

[47] Also, she has a new show out called I Love That for You, which is, really fantastic.

[48] It's so, so funny.

[49] We get into that.

[50] So please enjoy Molly Shannon.

[51] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

[52] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[53] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[54] I like your red purse.

[55] Thank you.

[56] I got it in Italy.

[57] Oh, my gosh.

[58] My best friend is currently in Italy on her honeymoon, and I'm so jealous because she's going to buy all kinds of good stuff like that.

[59] It's the best for shoes and purses.

[60] I mean, it's like nowhere else.

[61] I just, you have to pack an extra bag because it's good leather.

[62] Would you describe the leather as sumptuous?

[63] Yes, I would.

[64] That's very sumptuous.

[65] Buttery?

[66] Ooh, buttery and sumptuous.

[67] Oh, this is sick.

[68] Right?

[69] It's like intimate.

[70] Yeah, intimate.

[71] Wait, how great that you get to do.

[72] this work right in your home?

[73] Is that okay that I say that?

[74] Oh, God, yeah, yeah, everyone knows.

[75] Everyone knows everything about a, it's like the dream job.

[76] It's such a great lifestyle thing.

[77] Well, especially if you have children.

[78] How old are you kids?

[79] My son just turned 17, my son, Nolan, and my daughter is 18.

[80] Oh, wow.

[81] Wow.

[82] Okay.

[83] Oh, this is a scary time for you.

[84] But I'm so happy for my daughter and my son.

[85] I'm excited for them.

[86] You know what I mean?

[87] But yeah, of course you're like, but I think if you're close to them, you continue to be close.

[88] I imagine I'll have have those feelings too.

[89] Because I remember how fucking exciting it was when I left.

[90] I was like, oh boy, this is me now.

[91] I loved that phase.

[92] So I'll be excited.

[93] But then I also imagine I'll be like, hmm, a lot of my life was occupied by talking to them thinking about them, driving them places, you know.

[94] Yeah.

[95] I imagine there'll be a pretty significant hole, minimally in my schedule.

[96] I'm sure it's like all those feelings of sadness, but then you're happy for them.

[97] But I have to say, I'm really enjoying being a mother to teenagers.

[98] I really love it.

[99] Good.

[100] I'm so glad.

[101] There's so many people out there talking shit on teenagers.

[102] Like, we have these beautiful little girls seven and nine.

[103] And almost everywhere we go, everyone's like, just wait.

[104] And it's like, okay, hold on.

[105] That may happen.

[106] But, you know, that doesn't have to be the first thing you say.

[107] But they don't want to feel alone.

[108] Yeah.

[109] Probably they're having a bad time.

[110] Oh, blessings to them.

[111] But also, shut the fuck up.

[112] You don't know what's going to happen.

[113] But I think when people have that idea, they could almost make it happen.

[114] And I believe that if you're arguing, arguing with your teen, that's a parenting issue.

[115] I like that.

[116] How about that, Dax, is really good.

[117] How about them apples?

[118] I will take a sip of coffee now.

[119] There's like probably somewhere between 3 and 400 ,000 parents of teenagers right now that were like, oh yeah, try these teenagers.

[120] No, no, no, of course, of course.

[121] I mean, I understand.

[122] But I just think the people that have that attitude kind of go into it thinking it's going to be so, there are people like everyone else.

[123] I'm a little, maybe wrongly informed by my teen experience.

[124] with my mom, which was, like, heavenly.

[125] We never fought.

[126] I was very respectful to her.

[127] I mean, it was helpful.

[128] She was super lenient and liberal with me, but we'd go on date night every other Friday and go see a movie.

[129] Like, I never was a shit to her.

[130] That's so nice.

[131] I love hearing that.

[132] Does your boy like to go places with you?

[133] We do more like family dinners, my husband, Fritz, Stella, the four of us.

[134] But then, yes, Dax, I took Nolan and his buddies and Stella and her friends.

[135] We all went to Hawaii, just me in five.

[136] Oh, my gosh.

[137] Just a few months ago and had the time of our, like...

[138] Post -white lotus?

[139] A post -white lotus?

[140] And was everyone like...

[141] Yes, because it was in that area.

[142] Yeah.

[143] Oh, my God, we had the best time.

[144] We would all have dinners at night.

[145] It was really fun because they can kind of do whatever they want during the day because they're old enough.

[146] So it was actually fantastic.

[147] Yeah, that sounds like the dream.

[148] It was the dream.

[149] Because you got to fuck off in the day and get a massage and cheat on Fritz, whatever you needed to handle.

[150] This is terrible.

[151] And then meet up for dinner.

[152] I wonder if you take a certain joy in pride.

[153] I'd say the right kind of pride.

[154] You had such a specific childhood, and I feel like I'm similar.

[155] Like, I had a very specific childhood.

[156] I'm giving my kids, they're going to have problems.

[157] Don't get me wrong.

[158] I'm not naive.

[159] But I'm giving them a childhood that I dreamt of.

[160] And it feels super rewarding and wonderful.

[161] And I'm so fucking grateful.

[162] I'm present to do it.

[163] Do you have that feeling?

[164] I do have that feeling because my mom died and I was little.

[165] So getting to live way beyond the year.

[166] She lived and do all these things.

[167] that she never got to do.

[168] It's really healing.

[169] Yes.

[170] Let's tell your story because I want to go through like the different ages.

[171] Because I have this all the time like, I'll be talking to my eight -year -old.

[172] I'm like, oh, I was meeting my third dad at her age.

[173] Oh, I had already been molested at that age.

[174] Wow.

[175] I was looking at her.

[176] I'm like, that's a little kid.

[177] I think my image of myself was always older and bigger than I actually was.

[178] And then when you have kids, you kind of see it.

[179] Dax, I'm so sorry.

[180] I didn't know you were molested.

[181] Oh, that's okay.

[182] Everyone knows.

[183] I'm very open about it.

[184] Yeah.

[185] I've heard the show a lot, but I didn't know the specifics of that.

[186] Was it your mom's boyfriend?

[187] It was your dad.

[188] Oh, my God.

[189] Oh, my God.

[190] He has to laugh at it.

[191] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[192] Now, it's a dude that lived down the street.

[193] Yeah, it's a very long, convoluted story.

[194] Have you seen that documentary procession?

[195] Oh, no, what's that?

[196] It's great.

[197] Procession.

[198] It's about these Catholic priests who were molesting little boys and just getting away with it because they were trusted members of the community.

[199] Yeah.

[200] And the parents, the moms would drop them off Whatever, Father Tom's house, like, here's a pie, bring it to Father Tom.

[201] These boys to get over their trauma, reenact these Catholic scenarios with these priests and bishops.

[202] It's phenomenal.

[203] You must see it.

[204] Okay, okay.

[205] But we're going to start in 1969.

[206] Okay, great.

[207] You're for...

[208] Oh, actually, it was 1968, I think.

[209] Yeah, you're from like a Cleveland suburb.

[210] Cleveland, Ohio.

[211] I'm from Shaker Heights.

[212] And you know, I'm from Detroit area.

[213] Yeah.

[214] So we probably both went to Cedar Point and Sandusky.

[215] Yes, I love Cedar Point.

[216] That's why you're so nice.

[217] Midwesterners.

[218] And even, I would say Cleveland, because Kristen's whole family's from Cleveland, you guys are even nicer than Michiganers.

[219] That's so sweet.

[220] For sure.

[221] Okay, so you're a Midwestern girl.

[222] Yes.

[223] You're four.

[224] I come from three girls.

[225] So Katie was the baby sister, and then my sister marries two years older.

[226] So at the time of the accident, Katie was three.

[227] I was four years old and Mary was six.

[228] And my sister, Katie was killed, and my mother was killed in that car accident.

[229] and my cousin Fran, who was in her 20s.

[230] And you were in the car.

[231] And I was in the car.

[232] Yes, we were all in the car.

[233] My dad was driving.

[234] Way back of a station wagon.

[235] Yes.

[236] When I first read the description of your book, Hello Molly, it says your father was driving, he had been drinking.

[237] And my first thought is like kind of anger, right?

[238] I understand.

[239] And then I'm a recovering alcoholic.

[240] So then there's also the realization like, oh, man, but for the grace of God, there go, I like that story is so easily in my past.

[241] And then I read your book, and there's a whole third lens to this whole thing.

[242] And there's a lot of compassion and there's a lot of understanding.

[243] Let's talk about the day.

[244] Yeah.

[245] That's such a Michigan day.

[246] Can you remember it?

[247] That's another weird thing is your memory of it is so interesting and so specific at four years old.

[248] And my kids don't remember shit from one there for.

[249] So trauma heightens that.

[250] And must, right?

[251] Yeah, because I do remember all of that.

[252] We were asleep in the back of the station wagon, and I remember, like, sirens and people.

[253] and my sister was next to me and I felt like scratchy blanket.

[254] We were on a stretcher.

[255] And then they took us into a room and they cut our clothes off and they gave us all these tests like are the lights on?

[256] Are the lights off?

[257] And then I really wanted my mom because I was four so I was wearing training underpants and I wanted to use the restroom and I was like, mommy, mommy.

[258] And nobody came and I just like gave up and wet myself and felt very despairing.

[259] It was crisp memories because all these people, strangers were coming in, giving us all these toys and stuff and nobody would really tell us what was going on.

[260] You only have Mary.

[261] You guys are in a room together, but dad's out of the picture.

[262] My dad wasn't there.

[263] My mom, we don't know where they are.

[264] My sister Mary is next to me in a bed.

[265] She's six.

[266] I'm four.

[267] She's my big sister, so I figured she'll be like my guide post.

[268] So I'm watching her, but she's just looking out the window and crying, you know?

[269] So I was like, oh no. I thought, well, maybe my mom's with my sister in the baby section.

[270] She must be with the babies.

[271] So I would ask about her, but they wouldn't really answer.

[272] So I was waiting many, many days.

[273] And then finally I was like, this is ridiculous.

[274] Yeah, because nobody wanted to tell us.

[275] Yeah.

[276] At the hospital, there was like a ramp and then double doors.

[277] And I was like, I got to go find that.

[278] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[279] So I put on a robe and I got myself dressed and walked up the ramp to go out the doors.

[280] And a nurse was like, no, no, no, you've got to go back to your bed.

[281] And then finally, I think shortly after that, an aunt told me that my mother and my sister had gone to heaven.

[282] Were you religious?

[283] Like, had you already gone to church and stuff?

[284] I was only four, so no. It meant nothing to you.

[285] It was just more confusing, like, what?

[286] Well, in the book, you say, your next thought was, like, how do we get there?

[287] Can we fly there?

[288] Like, how do we visit there?

[289] Exactly.

[290] Like, I couldn't accept it, and they were kind of trying to package it, like it was really good.

[291] Like, no, they're in heaven.

[292] They're with God and the angels.

[293] Depending on the age you are, you would handle the death of a parent differently if you're two versus four versus seven.

[294] Sure.

[295] So at age four, the only way you can make sense of it would be to blame yourself.

[296] so I was like, oh, I must have done anything bad to make her leave.

[297] And there's no way you could accept death.

[298] It's not like I was like, oh, she died and crying.

[299] I just went into a fantasy waiting for her to come back.

[300] Yeah.

[301] I know like that.

[302] Before we even continue, because I've had this experience, I've even had the experience sharing something incredibly personal that we recorded and then once it was released, something changed.

[303] Is it one thing to write about it and then yet another thing to sit and talk about it?

[304] Yes.

[305] Because you have so much control, right?

[306] When you're writing, you pick every word.

[307] It'll be exactly as you want it.

[308] You're alone.

[309] And then now you're here.

[310] It's pretty interesting.

[311] You know what was the hardest, which surprised me was I'd written it all.

[312] And people would ask, oh, is it cathartic?

[313] And I was kind of like, I processed so much of that in therapy.

[314] But when I did the audible version of the book in Hollywood, I had to read that chapter.

[315] And I couldn't breathe.

[316] I would have to stop because I would cry.

[317] Wow.

[318] Like catch my breath.

[319] And I was just meeting this audio guy, Dennis, for the first time.

[320] Sure, sure.

[321] And it was so intimate.

[322] And I'm in a little booth with my salt and vinegar.

[323] It's basically the drama all over again.

[324] Yeah, because you're with strangers.

[325] Yes.

[326] No one knows what to do.

[327] Oh, my God.

[328] Everyone's trying to say the right thing.

[329] Yes.

[330] I'm reading it out loud.

[331] And I was just like, oh my God, I had no idea.

[332] And I also want to say, writing that accident chapter was very hard.

[333] I really wanted to get it right.

[334] My dad stuck to a story until his death.

[335] He was like, yes, there had been drinking.

[336] But I took a nap.

[337] It was like an all -day party.

[338] And then we all go to the car.

[339] car.

[340] I asked your mom to drive.

[341] I asked your cousin.

[342] And they said, no, you're fine.

[343] You can drive because you can see in the book.

[344] My mom tells my dad, don't ever drink and drive.

[345] So why would she have gone with him?

[346] And a group of people go out to the car and say goodbye and wave him off.

[347] We're in a different time now.

[348] Now there's been awareness.

[349] There's mothers against drunk driving.

[350] Friends don't like friends drive drunk.

[351] That's why I say 1968, because it's really relevant.

[352] Even when I read the headline, I read the headline in 2022.

[353] And then I had to remember, no, no, in 1969, the cops pulled you over.

[354] You were drunk, that was fine.

[355] Maybe they drove you home.

[356] Maybe they made you take a nap on the side of the road.

[357] You had to be fucking wasted for them to care.

[358] Yeah.

[359] It was a very, very different era.

[360] It is relevant.

[361] You are so right.

[362] My dad never wavered from his story to his death.

[363] That is what he said, no, I'd taken a nap.

[364] Yes, there had been drinking.

[365] And so I chose to believe him.

[366] Writing about that, I wanted to be very clear.

[367] And people say, was it cathartic?

[368] And at first, I used to be like, no, no. But then as I continued to work on that chapter before I had to turn the book in, it would make my head spin.

[369] It was like doing surgery.

[370] It really was very hard.

[371] It's been 50 years.

[372] And what I did when I was writing that was I, for the first time, was speaking to my cousin and I mapped quested my cousin's address where the party had been in Mansfield, Ohio, and where the accident was.

[373] I never wanted to look at that.

[374] I never wanted to think about.

[375] Why is it that now in my mid -50s, I finally was like, you know what?

[376] I'm going to map quest it.

[377] Yeah.

[378] And I discovered he had driven for 90 minutes, and we were 18 minutes from home.

[379] We were almost home.

[380] He had almost gotten his family home.

[381] My uncle Hugh, I talk about in the book, my mom's brother, also a recovering alcoholic, head of the plumber's union.

[382] He figured he fell asleep at the wheel.

[383] I don't want to say drinking didn't contribute to that, of course.

[384] I would imagine in writing that, you're kind of walking this very, very thin line, which is like, you must feel loyal to your father and you must love.

[385] of him.

[386] Yes.

[387] And you must be smart enough to recognize that his story, although maybe doctored in some way, was the one he needed to survive and keep going and raise two girls.

[388] Because as a parent, I don't know how one proceeds on.

[389] Even if he was dead sober and well rested and he didn't swerve in the right way, I bet the only reason he marched forward is because you two were in the mix.

[390] So I have to imagine there's a loyalty to your dad's story.

[391] And then also the outside voice of, well, people reading this are probably going to go, uh, we probably shouldn't have been driving.

[392] I wanted to be fair in laying out the facts of what I know.

[393] And then also I wanted to lay it out as much as I know it.

[394] Yeah.

[395] And also there is this kind of knee -jerk reaction.

[396] I think we're a very punitive country, society, people.

[397] Yeah.

[398] The notion that I would need to inflict any other judgment on this person who got the absolute worst consequence anyone could ever have in life, The amount of suffering, surely your father wrestled with, is beyond anything anyone can put on him.

[399] Yeah, it's brutal.

[400] Yeah, brutal.

[401] And he wrote a lot about it, too.

[402] So in the research for the book, he would write about all the memories.

[403] And I really hope Molly and Mary can remember this.

[404] And we would do this and we do that.

[405] And then he wrote about how he felt in the hospital.

[406] He wrote all about that.

[407] And it was so crazy because his orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Steffi, who had to tell my dad that, his wife had been killed, and his baby daughter.

[408] Dr. Steffey's wife had three children had just been in a fire of the house burned out.

[409] He was working.

[410] Yeah.

[411] So I discovered that in the writing, too.

[412] And Dr. Steffey said, here's a book that really helped me. So my dad wrote all about that, how he felt and that he sunk into the bed and was just like, no, no. And so it's heartbreaking to read that stuff later as an adult.

[413] Oh, God, yeah.

[414] And you think about what age your father was during all this.

[415] He was like your dad, but I'm sure he's on his life.

[416] late 20s or something.

[417] When it happened, he was probably like 33, maybe.

[418] Oh, he was?

[419] Okay, still, 33.

[420] A year younger than Monica.

[421] That's bonkers.

[422] Okay, so the thing I've, like, related so much to you is, so my dad, they got divorced at three.

[423] I was probably four.

[424] My dad was now single.

[425] He's an alcoholic.

[426] He crashed his truck into a huge oak tree, going 80 miles an hour passed out, go to the hospital.

[427] They wanted to amputate his legs.

[428] They were so crushed.

[429] Yes.

[430] And my mother sat there and rubbed his legs to try to keep the circulation going.

[431] We were brought in.

[432] Like, no one knows what to do, right?

[433] So they should have told you.

[434] That was a mistake.

[435] But now, letting you go see dad, who knows?

[436] Maybe that was a mistake.

[437] For me, I walked in, it's like, here's a human, you know, unrecognizable, tape all over the head, a fucking head's the size of a basketball.

[438] It's a real dose of mortality when you're that age, right?

[439] I relate so deeply because it's the same thing.

[440] It's scary.

[441] Yeah, it's frightening.

[442] Because how old were you, Dax?

[443] For?

[444] Same age as me. Exactly.

[445] They were like, should we bring the girls?

[446] Shouldn't bring me the girls to see Jim, because he's alive and they knew we were asking where our parents are they made the decision the adults let's go bring the girls to see gym so we go in he's intubated in his throat you know so he has a hole in his throat his legs are hanging up in chains and then he got really emotional seeing us and he was like and he couldn't breathe so then he pulled you know the wires and he tried to stick his thumb in his throat so he could because he was so emotional seeing that we were alive and it was frightening.

[447] I got to do that a second time when I was 13.

[448] My dad crashed again.

[449] I come to the hospital.

[450] We don't think he's going to make it another few hours.

[451] Head on collision, the whole thing.

[452] I go in there and because he kept trying to pull out his breathing tube, they had him chained to the bed.

[453] And he doesn't know what's happening.

[454] And I go in the room and he comes to and he's looking at me and he's crying and he's doing his hands and try to tell him, get this thing out of my throat.

[455] And I'm 13 and I'm going, Dad, I can't, if I take that out of your throat, you're going to die.

[456] Yeah, you feel like you could kill him.

[457] It's just me and him in there and he's like begging me to pull this thing out of his throat.

[458] Oh, my God, that is so scary.

[459] Okay.

[460] Okay.

[461] Did he get sober?

[462] Was he continuing to drink?

[463] No, he got sober.

[464] He was probably a year sober when he had the head on collision.

[465] But he did.

[466] He got sober and he died sober.

[467] Oh, that's great.

[468] Did your dad have a drinking problem?

[469] Oh, my dad was an alcoholic.

[470] He was.

[471] Okay, full -fledged.

[472] Did he ever get sober?

[473] He did.

[474] What age?

[475] Maybe when I was like 14 or so.

[476] Oh my that same exact age, yeah.

[477] He started going to Catholic retreats and really working his AA program and he would read his one day at a time every day and have little aphorisms like listen and pay attention and think of the good things people have done and all these little sweet things.

[478] That book meant the most to me when he died.

[479] That's all I wanted was that one day at a time book.

[480] And he worked really hard at it.

[481] I have all my dad's chips.

[482] Oh, isn't that the best?

[483] It is.

[484] And then my dad would help other people get sober.

[485] I write about the deli man in the book who worked at Sands Deli and my dad helped him get sober.

[486] And, yeah, he was big into AA for years.

[487] And he would have slips sometimes, you know, but I was so happy when you did.

[488] Okay, so I can see it in you so obviously.

[489] And I read your book and it's like, all right, well, that event's going to put you on a course.

[490] You're now on a trajectory.

[491] You're a very unique trajectory.

[492] Mom's gone.

[493] Your sister who you loved and were close with died.

[494] Your whole life is different now.

[495] Your worldview has just changed people you love can disappear.

[496] And it seems like your imagination at that point really steps in to comfort you.

[497] Yes.

[498] My dad was recuperating in the hospital.

[499] So my dad comes to a big family.

[500] He was the youngest of 10.

[501] And so all these aunts were saying, who's going to take the girls?

[502] They were all offering to take us.

[503] My mom's brother, uncle, Hugh, wanted to take us.

[504] He had five kids.

[505] So we ended up going to live with my aunt Bernie, whose daughter, Fran, was killed in our accident.

[506] And Bernie had a son, too, who was still alive.

[507] But anyhow, Bernadette took us to her house while my dad was still in the hospital.

[508] So I went to kindergarten in her neighborhood, and I remember, like, going to this kindergarten, and people were, like, singing, the wheels on the bus go round and round.

[509] I felt like, I've been through a war.

[510] No, the wheels on the bus sometimes fall the fuck off.

[511] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[512] And the kids scatter out the windows.

[513] That's what happens on the bus, y 'all.

[514] That's so funny.

[515] It catches on fire.

[516] It's a big ball of fire.

[517] Yeah, yeah.

[518] So I was, like, very...

[519] You had to be disassociated.

[520] And the teachers don't.

[521] know what's going on.

[522] They have no idea.

[523] But anyhow, there were these boys that were painting all black, so I was like, whatever, I'll just imitate what they're doing.

[524] And she was like, that's not how you do it.

[525] So then she made me sit with all those boys.

[526] And I was like, whatever, I'll just sit with these bad boys.

[527] I don't care.

[528] Whatever.

[529] I don't want her to understand me, and I don't care.

[530] But then I tripped and fell in kindergarten.

[531] I, like, hid a nail, and I fell near the coat closet.

[532] And I just wailed crying.

[533] And I just let it all out finally, because I've been holding it together.

[534] You finally had an excuse.

[535] Yeah, yeah.

[536] I had an excuse.

[537] On the way to school, I took a bus, and I was grieving my sister and my mom, so I was in a dark mood.

[538] One day when we were waiting for the bus these kids, I said, oh, the bus already left, and they were like, it did.

[539] And I said, yeah.

[540] And they believed me, and then they just started walking to school.

[541] And then the bus came, and I had it all to myself.

[542] And we drove past them and I waved to them.

[543] It lifted the darkness.

[544] It was like a little, like, trick where I was like so.

[545] funny.

[546] I can't believe they believe me. Have you drilled into what exactly was appealing about that?

[547] Well, it was mischievous.

[548] I think I was like, oh, I can't believe I have the authority over these children.

[549] And control.

[550] Yeah, for me, I felt incredibly powerless in a lot of the chaos I was in.

[551] Oh, that's so interesting.

[552] And so when I would get to school, it manifests itself regrettably in sometimes being a bully a little bit.

[553] Like I was big and my brother was always kicking my ass.

[554] And so I loved fighting on the playground, because I had some control over that, and I could win.

[555] And then I also liked outsmarting people.

[556] Yeah.

[557] The teacher was in control, but I could make a joke that would make them lose control.

[558] I needed some little steering wheel, some sector of my life I needed to go in the direction I wanted it to go.

[559] When I read the school bus thing, I thought, I wonder if the feeling was like, oh, I'm not powerless in this whole opera I find myself in.

[560] It lifted my spirit, so it wasn't a very nice thing to do, but it did give me relief.

[561] But fuck them.

[562] They probably had moms and dads.

[563] Yeah, fuck them, like their mommy.

[564] Okay, so everyone who listens to this show knows intimately best friend Aaron Weekly.

[565] Like, he changed my life.

[566] I met this kid when I was 12, and he really, really gave me permission to be me, and he gave me confidence, and I was able to be vulnerable around him.

[567] And he just literally saved my whole life.

[568] It changed my whole life meeting this person.

[569] So you met Anne.

[570] Yes.

[571] Anne, I met when I was four right after the accident, and my dad said, oh, she was like a replacement for Katie.

[572] Anne had a crossed eye, a lazy eye, so she wore eye patch with glasses.

[573] So Mary Casson Gallagher, the look is based on Anne.

[574] Anne was very kind, very motherly, even though she was two years younger.

[575] Yeah, she really understood me. Wait, how'd you meet her?

[576] My dad was friends with her mom, Jolene, ramped, and Anne's parents were going through a hard time, and so we just really connected, and she went to the same Catholic school, St. Dominics.

[577] yeah she was just very special to me and when my dad would lose his temper Anne was always there for me I'd be like I hate him I hate am I hate and she would just sit and listen to me just very loving and she was also like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn like we watched like a Robert Altman movie Nashville and Black Nashville and was like I could picture you doing that like being in the movies I was like you could and she was like yeah so it was like two little kids Like doing that, like with a southern accent.

[578] You know, so it was so sweet.

[579] And then she wanted to be a country singer, so she would practice her singing for me, but she didn't want me to look at her.

[580] So I was like, do it.

[581] So she'd do it in the living room.

[582] And she'd be like, turn your back.

[583] And I would just listen.

[584] And I was like, it sounds good.

[585] So it was like, I mean, you only need one or two of those in your life.

[586] Literally.

[587] Yeah, yeah.

[588] I watch my children now and I'm like, who's it going to be?

[589] Like, who are they going to bond with?

[590] Because it can be life -changing, right?

[591] You have friends, then you have soulmates.

[592] It's really special.

[593] And you build each other up and you believe in each other and you see things in each other.

[594] Oh.

[595] Yeah.

[596] And because she knows a childhood and knew my dad so well in this and that, you're forever connected.

[597] So even if you lose touch, you have this instant trust and comfort.

[598] And I have to say it's so sweet.

[599] I'm still close to Allison, who's in the book, and Ann.

[600] And they're so excited about the book and they love it.

[601] And it's so fun, like, involving them.

[602] And Allison, for example, my friend was so smart in school.

[603] She would just whip through animal farm.

[604] She could analyze the best literature.

[605] She was like a speed reader.

[606] So just involving her in the book, that part has been so fun.

[607] Yeah, absolutely.

[608] You're like, this is why I do it.

[609] Oh, my God, it's the best.

[610] Yeah, yeah.

[611] If you went to a Catholic school, what was your dynamic with boys?

[612] Like, your first crush was a priest.

[613] Oh, yeah, he was an Irish guy.

[614] I think a lot of people were like, oh, don't talk about the accident.

[615] That'll make them cry.

[616] Don't bring that up.

[617] You know, but Father Murray was a priest at St. Dominic.

[618] So after we left my aunt's house, we went back to my original childhood house.

[619] And I think I thought my mom would be there or something.

[620] I was in some fantasy.

[621] But she wasn't there.

[622] But anyhow, Father Murray, when we went to church, knelt down when I was probably five.

[623] He just directly addressed the loss.

[624] And he said, now, Molly, I know you lost your mother.

[625] You lost your sister.

[626] This is just heartbreaking for you.

[627] And he held my hands and looked deep in my eyes.

[628] And I so wanted someone to see and understand the deep sadness.

[629] Stop ignoring this thing that happened.

[630] Yeah, yeah, it was wonderful.

[631] Yes, I did have a crush on him.

[632] I mean, like an innocent little girl crush, but I thought, I love him.

[633] He understands me in a deep way.

[634] So I just appreciated it.

[635] But you were doing fun role -playing shit and stuff.

[636] That was in the book.

[637] Masturbation.

[638] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[639] Oh, to the pre -s.

[640] I make it yourself polite.

[641] But I love it, but it's young.

[642] And I wondered, too, like anything you could soothe with, I would imagine at that point had to be incredibly appealing.

[643] Yes.

[644] Yes.

[645] Well, masturbation, it's an interesting thing because I think that it's natural and positive, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[646] I'm actually reading a really good book where this woman talks about it.

[647] It's called Come As You Are.

[648] And she speaks about masturbation, how healthy it is and people's different reactions.

[649] A shame -based reaction to a young girl masturbating could stay with a woman forever.

[650] And then they might associate that guilt and shame or like you're bad or dirty with sex for life or something.

[651] So anyhow, it's a great book.

[652] I think it's an interesting thing because I think some people could see that and be like, oh, disgusted.

[653] And then the person is associating desire or a kind of natural thing with shame.

[654] Right.

[655] Oh, totally.

[656] Totally.

[657] And being Catholic, I could certainly relate to them.

[658] Or you could be like, okay, put on your shoes.

[659] We're getting ready to go out because I know some people like that.

[660] And not every girl does that or boy, I did.

[661] Yes.

[662] And it felt fun and natural.

[663] So right after the accident, yes, I was downstairs in her basement masturbating.

[664] And I would make up scenarios like I would have in my head like there was a really mean gym teacher who was like get down on the floor you fuck piece of that shit you fat hog no wonder your mother died get down in the four fatty and do push -ups oh no what a mean guy I was stuff clothes in my pants and because I didn't want to be too close to my actual and I would tie myself up to a chair too so that I couldn't get out of the chair and I would grind we need a visual we do we do and I'd grind and she'd be like you fat piece of shit you know this is so wild yeah it's like BDSM it is my aunt saw this and she was horrified she must have thought you were like needed exorcist She saw me tied up And she just pretended You never see it She opened the door Had a horrified look And then closed the door Oh my God Were you like No, I continued to joyfully But you weren't embarrassed By the roleplay part No Oh wonderful Yeah I'm so impressed That your brain Could even like Do that My friend Allison And I talk about it Because she was the first girl I talked about it With at Catholic grade school She was like I do that And I was like I do it too And then she used to call it Mr. Mini Oh, she had the same role play.

[665] Mr. Meenie.

[666] Oh, my God.

[667] This must be a Catholic.

[668] Yeah, this is a Catholic.

[669] It was bad.

[670] Were you trying to like press fast forward on childhood?

[671] Like, did you really want to get to adulthood fast?

[672] No, I didn't want to grow up fast.

[673] I like being young.

[674] You did.

[675] Because it feels like, well, I guess every kid pretended to be an adult.

[676] Yeah, yeah.

[677] Like every little kid already has a baby.

[678] That's what they're pretending.

[679] It reminds me of one time when I was in the groundlings, we were all getting drunk one night and we were kind of sharing stories.

[680] is like when you've hooked up with other children when you're a child basically and male on male, female and female, whatever.

[681] And I got to this friend of ours and she said, well, I don't know.

[682] She had a really interesting voice.

[683] I don't know if this is sexual, but I did use to play this game with my friend Becky where I would drag plywood across her back and she would drag it across mine and give each other splinters.

[684] And I was like, thank you so much for that.

[685] Oh my gosh.

[686] We are so interesting.

[687] Yeah.

[688] And we don't even talk about the most interesting part of us because everyone in that room had some bizarre shit they did when they were kids that was sexual.

[689] And we just don't even talk about it.

[690] And I was like, they were doing some very interesting stuff with lumber and splinters.

[691] Oh, my goodness.

[692] The sky is the limit.

[693] Yes.

[694] Yeah, it's wild.

[695] It's so wild.

[696] I just feel comforted when I hear other people like all these weird perverse things they did because I'm like, oh, good.

[697] I'm just a normal person who is all fucking weird.

[698] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[699] And not weird.

[700] Okay, that was so fun.

[701] I really, really applaud your honesty.

[702] Really?

[703] Thank you.

[704] Yes, I love it.

[705] I used to think dudes doing backflips on motorcycles was the most brave thing you could do.

[706] And then I heard this dude, Jason Ellis, I'd love to give him continued credit.

[707] He was on Howard Stern.

[708] He was talking about being molested by his father for most of his childhood.

[709] And the way he spoke about it and the honesty and the complexity and still loving his father.

[710] And then I got to meet him and I told him, this is the bravest thing I've ever witnessed.

[711] I'm in awe of your fucking bravery.

[712] I super admire that about you.

[713] And it's wonderful, and I think it's encouraging.

[714] That's so sweet, thank you.

[715] Totally.

[716] Because Monica's a pervert.

[717] She wanted boys to puke on her when she's a little kid.

[718] That was her fantasy.

[719] Oh, my God.

[720] That's so funny.

[721] Yeah, I did.

[722] I did.

[723] She wanted them to get sick.

[724] Well, it was like a nurturing fantasy, but they was sexual.

[725] Is that right?

[726] Yeah, it's very odd.

[727] To throw up on you?

[728] Oh, gosh.

[729] Interesting.

[730] So you could take care of them?

[731] Yes, there's a lot of, like, taking care of in the middle of...

[732] That's hot sex.

[733] Yeah, right?

[734] Interesting.

[735] And, like, I was little.

[736] It was, like, kids in my daycare is when it first started.

[737] That's where we're all very original and interesting.

[738] Yes, yes.

[739] It's endlessly fascinating.

[740] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[741] We've all been there.

[742] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[743] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[744] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[745] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[746] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[747] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[748] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[749] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[750] What's up, guys?

[751] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good, and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment.

[752] best and brightest, okay?

[753] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[754] And I don't mean just friends.

[755] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[756] The list goes on.

[757] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[758] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[759] Okay, we're going to kind of fast forward.

[760] You go to NYU.

[761] Yes, went to NYU.

[762] You're a graduate of Tish.

[763] My wife didn't make it through.

[764] No, she left to work.

[765] She got way too successful.

[766] I love to make fun of her and say she didn't make it through college.

[767] But I know logically and timeline -wise, obviously you graduate, you come to L .A., you're getting on shows, you're in a movie, and then you end up on Living Color.

[768] Where was the comedy in that?

[769] So I went to NYU Drama School, and then I did marry Catherine Gallagher in this stage show.

[770] I developed.

[771] I was working full -time at a health club when I was going to NYU to help pay my rent and stuff.

[772] Finally, I was like, I should take advantage of NYU.

[773] So the last year I audition for the show called The Follies, it was where you kind of make fun of the teachers, and we did it in a black box theater.

[774] Madeline Olick and David Weinstein wrote it.

[775] Basically, she had us do an exercise for the rehearsal.

[776] Adam Sandler was in that show, too.

[777] He was in my grade at NYU.

[778] He was out of here.

[779] show.

[780] And Madeline had us do an exercise while we were rehearsing where you come through the door and just make up a character.

[781] She played a really snotty director.

[782] And her thing was, you have to try to get the job and try to impress me. And she was like, don't overthink and just make up a character.

[783] And I went in, hi, I'm Mary Catherine Gallagher.

[784] And she would be very unimpressed and I would have to do more things.

[785] The character developed from that exercise.

[786] They ended up writing the whole show around that character.

[787] So I really developed that character at NYU.

[788] But at the time, the character wore red pants and she was like a murderer.

[789] She sniffed her armpits?

[790] And, no, she didn't send her armpits yet.

[791] Oh, that came later.

[792] Then, I considered myself a very dramatic actress, but the show was a huge hit.

[793] There were lines around the block.

[794] And then people would come up to me and they go, you should be on Saturday Night Live.

[795] Right.

[796] And I was like, wow, really?

[797] You were going to be in Nashville.

[798] I was going to be in Nashville with Robert Altman.

[799] Yeah.

[800] So then I decided, okay, maybe I'll try this comedy thing.

[801] So my friend Eugene Pack and I gave New York City a year and I only got like under fives on soap operas.

[802] And then we both went out.

[803] to L .A. And I rented a wreck.

[804] I had no money.

[805] And I did jobs telemarketing.

[806] Yeah, to giving out food demos, temping at different agencies.

[807] And Gene and I decided we both develop our own shows.

[808] So I started taking classes at Second City, not formally.

[809] They just came down for a little while in Santa Monica.

[810] And I met a guy named Rob Muir there.

[811] And I'm not like a Second City person at all.

[812] I don't know how to do space work or anything.

[813] We could teach you in 30 seconds.

[814] You know that?

[815] I was in the ground lane.

[816] So we had to do all that.

[817] That's so hard.

[818] It's one of the five ways to add information to a scene.

[819] Okay, good.

[820] Good to know.

[821] I'm terrible at it.

[822] I always had a backpack, by the way.

[823] Oh, you did?

[824] If you walk you in the backpack and you set it down, as soon as the scene is hitting the skids, walk over to that backpack, unzip it, and pull something out.

[825] Oh, my.

[826] And now we've got a second gear.

[827] Common also is sweeping and mopping.

[828] Yes, but to me, that's a go -to.

[829] That's not going to get you anywhere.

[830] You got a backpack, anything can come out of the backpack.

[831] Wow, that is a hack.

[832] I love that.

[833] It's like Fortnite, where you can, like, pull things out.

[834] Sure, yeah.

[835] We did that show, come out to L .A., and then meet Rob Muir in the comedy class.

[836] Rob and I decided to get a little comedy group together and improvise and write a show.

[837] So we would meet the little group of us at my dumpy apartment in Hollywood, across an El Pollo loco on the corner of Fountain and Vine.

[838] And we just started putting a show together.

[839] We called ourselves the Lumber Company, and we would just do sketches and this and that.

[840] And I did Mary Catherine Gallagher in that show.

[841] So continue to develop in front of an audience.

[842] And I got singled out in reviews.

[843] and then at some point Rob was like you and I should just do a show and Rob really wanted me to take center stage because he was more a writer so he really helped me with that so we created this thing called the Rob and Molly show and I did that for years in L .A. While I was auditioning...

[844] You got an in living color.

[845] Yeah, I got an in living color.

[846] That was really fun when Jim Carrey was there and the Wayans and Allie Wentworth was on the show then and that was really cool.

[847] Jaila was dancing behind you?

[848] She wasn't there when I was there I was there more toward the end so I don't think she was there but yeah, isn't that crazy?

[849] She was a dance.

[850] sir.

[851] At one point.

[852] Yeah, I just did a very small part, but I was like in a scene with Jim Carrey when he played a cop.

[853] It was great to watch all these big comedians performing.

[854] But yeah, I just continued to develop my stage show.

[855] And then how do you get the audition?

[856] S &L had actually come around five years before that when I was doing the stage show.

[857] And they asked for a tape and I gave them a tape of characters that I used all my waitressing money and made up all these characters.

[858] And I remember calling my agent to find out if I was going to get to audition.

[859] And I called him on the pay phone outside of my apartment on the corner of Fountain and Vine across him, that I'll play a loco.

[860] And he was like, sorry, Lauren passed, and I cried.

[861] And then I just thought, you know what, look, if they ever come back again, I'm going to work really hard on my characters.

[862] I'm going to develop an arsenal of characters.

[863] So if they come back again, I'm going to be locked and loaded and ready.

[864] And so for the next five years, I continue doing that stage show in writing and developing and honing those characters, Sally O'Malley, Mary Catherine Gallagher.

[865] Tony Bennett, Oscar de Aloha.

[866] Yeah, but no, we would do these 50 -minute shows, and I would invite everybody that came to my restaurants.

[867] You've got to come see my show.

[868] Come see my show.

[869] Come see my show.

[870] And I would take names and phone numbers.

[871] It was before email for me, and I would just cold call everyone when I did a show.

[872] I'd make like 500 calls to get 200 people to come.

[873] And I would sometimes forget who they were, but I would take notes like, Matt Maureen at a restaurant, her boyfriend, Joseph is a lawyer.

[874] And then they come back there, I'm like, Maureen, House Joseph.

[875] I, you know, made sure.

[876] So Cleveland of you.

[877] And my goal was just one business person per show.

[878] And I would pay for the band with my waitressing money, and I would invite people who couldn't afford it because I was really into creative visualization, and I figured the money's going to come back to me someday.

[879] Oh, my gosh.

[880] I did that show for years, and SNL came back around five years later, and Marcy Klein was in charge, and she came to see my show.

[881] But actually, a year before that I kind of given up, because I felt like I was getting rejected, trying out for these TV shows as to the best friend and not really landing apart, having a hard time.

[882] And so I just was like, I don't know if I can take this anymore.

[883] And it's so funny because years later when I got S &L, I remember Cassie and her just saying like, oh, you've grown so much, you develop.

[884] You know, you weren't that way before.

[885] And I'm thinking, I was the same person.

[886] I have cachet now.

[887] Now you see me differently.

[888] Exactly.

[889] It's like Mike White on The White Lotus.

[890] I won't say who this is, but there was somebody who was like, oh, yeah, we saw Marie Bartlett years ago and maybe didn't see.

[891] And I'm like, I'm sure he was the same performer.

[892] That's not like.

[893] Mike doesn't give a shit.

[894] He just does what he wants.

[895] wants, Cassidy he wants.

[896] Lauren Michaels is like that too.

[897] He doesn't care.

[898] He has his own separate world separate from Hollywood.

[899] He does his own things.

[900] So that was also really refreshing.

[901] Yeah.

[902] He's very punk rock.

[903] You forget how punk rock SNL was in the 70s.

[904] Yes.

[905] And the drugs and the bands.

[906] It was everything.

[907] Yeah, everything.

[908] He's become an older man who's rich, but yeah, he's punk rock to the core.

[909] Yeah, he really is.

[910] Okay, so you'd given up, but now somehow you end up on SNL.

[911] What happens?

[912] Well, it turned out that there was a woman who had kind of called herself the town scout and I could never kind of get through to her.

[913] She was more interested in male comedians than women.

[914] And I thought, God, she's missing all these great girls.

[915] This is like a problem.

[916] So, of course, a year into that, just relaxing and having coffee with friends and not holding on so tight.

[917] And I think I was waiting tables, but had some money.

[918] I did national commercial.

[919] So I had some money from that, but I probably still worked in restaurants.

[920] Then Marcy's like, Lauren's looking for people.

[921] I'm coming to town.

[922] So I put a show together for her.

[923] I hadn't done a show for a year, called Rob, please, could you do another show?

[924] It's all you did to do is show up.

[925] I'll invite everybody.

[926] I'll get the band, just show up.

[927] I'll call Gail with the boyfriend.

[928] And he was like, okay, okay.

[929] So we did a show, and it was great.

[930] And Marcy was like, you're coming to New York to audition for S &L.

[931] She took me to Ivy after.

[932] And I was like, I can't believe it.

[933] And she really helped me. It almost doesn't ever get better than that moment right there, does it?

[934] No. You're like, oh, my God, it might happen.

[935] Like, mine thing was I was auditioning for 10 years and then Ashton Coucher somehow recognized in an audition that I was good.

[936] He was like, I'm picking you up.

[937] We're going to the basketball game.

[938] I'm like, I'm going to the basketball game with Ash and Cooch.

[939] That's totally such a nice guy.

[940] I love Ashton.

[941] And it's just like that moment you start going, oh, my God, maybe it can.

[942] Exactly.

[943] It's just like, oh, my God.

[944] All of a sudden it feels magical.

[945] I brought my friend Mike Palermo to the Ivy.

[946] He's a really good friend of mine from Cleveland, and he and his sister Deborah Palermo are really supportive of me. So I was like, Mike, we're at the Ivy with Marcy Klein.

[947] And Marcy was just so great.

[948] And she was really helpful.

[949] So for my audition, she was like, call me if you have any questions.

[950] And I was like, what do you need?

[951] She's like, you know, we need an impression.

[952] And I was like, could I fly my partner?

[953] And she was like, sure, fly your partner.

[954] I was like, can I bring wigs?

[955] Sure, bring wigs.

[956] So they fly a bunch of girls on a plane to New York City all at the same time.

[957] So all the girls auditioning were all in the same flight.

[958] And it was definitely like, any huge stars out of that group that we would know?

[959] No. Okay.

[960] That would be fun, though, if you were like Reese Witherspoon.

[961] A 15 -year -old Reese Witherspoon was on.

[962] Oh, my God.

[963] They put us up at a comedy club called Stand Up New York, and they give you five minutes, and you wait in the hallway in this little brick, dark hallway, and you wait until it's your turn to go on.

[964] And in the audience, as Lauren Michaels, Chris Farley came to my audition, Jim Downey.

[965] I think you have to do five characters, like a character a minute or something.

[966] And in the back, it was definitely like, you brought wigs?

[967] I didn't know we could bring wigs.

[968] I was like, call Marcy.

[969] I just called an actor.

[970] They want to help.

[971] People panicking.

[972] Yeah.

[973] So my friend Andrew Schaefer just walked me around the block.

[974] He's like, don't pay attention to any of that kid.

[975] Rob Muir walked me around the block.

[976] He was like, I think your life's going to change.

[977] And I was like, I don't know.

[978] I was just so excited to be there.

[979] They put us up at the Paramount Hotel.

[980] So to me, I was like, I'm at the Paramount Hotel.

[981] Like, I'm from Cleveland.

[982] This is so cool.

[983] Yes.

[984] That I got flown to New York City to audition for Saturday night left.

[985] I could just freeze myself there.

[986] But so I did my characters, and I remember, like, the audience expected stand up.

[987] So I think that audience that comes into that club was confused.

[988] Like, who are these girls?

[989] Because they have a real audience there.

[990] Real audience, but think they're seeing stand -up.

[991] So they are not an easy laugh.

[992] And we're doing characters.

[993] So I did one character, and I remember like, oh, God, I'm bombing.

[994] And then I turned around to put on the next character's glasses.

[995] And I remember just thinking, just commit, be a good actress, hold it together.

[996] For some reason, I had a feeling Lauren would be into good acting.

[997] And so I just really committed.

[998] And I was so green that I did a real impression of a real person who was an agent that he knew.

[999] and they thought it was so funny that I used her real name and they knew her and they loved it.

[1000] Where did Catherine Gallagher end up?

[1001] Because you got to think about when you're going to place her.

[1002] Oh, yeah, actually, for that audition, the woman who was the unofficial talent scout who was the woman that was more into the boys, she told me when she got when that I was auditioning, she was like, well, yeah, I heard you got an audition, but whatever you do, don't do that.

[1003] Dirty little character, Mary Catherine Gallagher, because Lauren will hate it and you'll never get hired.

[1004] No. Oh, my God.

[1005] God.

[1006] The worst advice.

[1007] I won't say her names.

[1008] That's mean.

[1009] But that's what she told me. Wow.

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] So you didn't put her in the audition?

[1012] No, I did not.

[1013] That's kind of cool, though, that you still have your ace card.

[1014] They don't even know.

[1015] Yeah, they didn't even know.

[1016] Exactly.

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] Okay.

[1019] Incredible run at Saturday Night.

[1020] I want to know this to researching you, but when you left after six years, you were the longest running female cast member.

[1021] Oh my gosh.

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] Not now, though, because now there's so many people to surpass me. 2001, yeah.

[1024] I did six seasons.

[1025] Why did you leave?

[1026] I left because I loved it so much.

[1027] I had such a good time there.

[1028] It was so fun.

[1029] But I really just wanted more of a personal life.

[1030] I had met my husband at that time.

[1031] We were just dating.

[1032] So I wanted to really just go out for coffee with friends.

[1033] I wasn't leaving to go anywhere.

[1034] I had been working so hard trying to achieve and make it that I actually just wanted to enjoy living in New York City and seeing friends and dating my husband.

[1035] And I wanted time with my dad.

[1036] I wasn't leaving to do anything.

[1037] How did you fit into the party atmosphere at SNL?

[1038] Oh, that was really fun.

[1039] I think that, like, real partying was kind of years ago.

[1040] Our group was very just, like, normal.

[1041] Like, we would stay out late for the parties and stuff, but it was nothing was too wild or anything.

[1042] Okay.

[1043] And now I'm going to touch on two of my favorite things you've done.

[1044] They're not the biggest things you've done.

[1045] So happiness.

[1046] Oh, my God.

[1047] Todd Solens.

[1048] Have you ever seen that movie, Monica?

[1049] I haven't.

[1050] It's incredible.

[1051] And your character is so fucking good.

[1052] But everyone in the movie is so specific.

[1053] Like, everyone that comes on, you're like, oh, my God, I know eight people just like that.

[1054] I just love that movie, the tone of it.

[1055] Everyone in it is so spectacular.

[1056] Philip Seymour Hoffman's in it, and it's incredible.

[1057] I went to college with him, too.

[1058] He was also in my class at NYU.

[1059] Yeah, I love Phillips Seymour Hoffman.

[1060] We have to pause there.

[1061] I always wonder this.

[1062] Did you think at the time, like, these are stars?

[1063] Or are you like, there's something really, really?

[1064] X -Factory?

[1065] Yes, yes.

[1066] I thought that about both of them.

[1067] Adam Sandler was doing all this stand -up during school.

[1068] He was, like, the one kid that at night was working on his act, working on his stand -up.

[1069] He was a star on campus from the second he started school.

[1070] He would do stand -up in the dorms, and it was like, Adam.

[1071] I mean, people loved him.

[1072] He was a rock star.

[1073] Young, knew what he wanted, driven, nice to everyone, fantastic.

[1074] And then Philip Seymour Hoffman, yes, brilliant actor, so sweet.

[1075] Yes, you could tell.

[1076] I went to theater school as well, and it's like, you know, there's people, and you're like, God, they're special.

[1077] They're special.

[1078] And then 99 .9 % of the time, those people don't end up having it as a career.

[1079] So it's amazing to be in this class where people did.

[1080] Monica, where did you go to drama school?

[1081] I went to the University of Georgia, not that exciting.

[1082] Don't you mitigate that.

[1083] I was in the theater program there.

[1084] And then she was at UCB.

[1085] And then I did UCB here, a lot of UCB.

[1086] And that's the similar thing, too, where you're in shows with people and you're like, I think they're the one that's going to really skyrocket out of here.

[1087] And then sometimes they don't.

[1088] People don't know what a hustle it is.

[1089] It's hard.

[1090] And I just remember auditioning, like, opposite Groundlings, girls and stuff for Seinfeld or whatever.

[1091] You would have your just regular audition.

[1092] And then if they were bringing you to the producers, if you made it to the next, they would ask you to stay.

[1093] They'd bring you in at three and producers are coming at five.

[1094] And then you go in and audition.

[1095] They're like, thanks, Molly.

[1096] And then, you know, you don't have to stay.

[1097] Go meet producers.

[1098] And everybody sees you on your way out, just leaving.

[1099] And they're like, good luck, everybody.

[1100] And I just remember leaving once, finally, for like the 100th time.

[1101] and just, I went to my car and I saw this wonderful woman, Catherine La Nassau, who's so lovely and an actress and just an old friend.

[1102] She was like doing plies by her car, like really relaxed.

[1103] I think she had just auditioned too, and she was just having fun and like exercising.

[1104] She's a ex -dancer.

[1105] And I was like, I wish I could be like Catherine, but I felt a dark curtain coming over me. And I was like, I think I'm just going to go to Gelson's and get a half a chicken and close the shades when I get home.

[1106] And that's when I was like, I don't think I can take this anymore.

[1107] This hurts my heart.

[1108] This is so fucking hard.

[1109] It's brutal.

[1110] It's kind of masochistic.

[1111] My whole thing is I would get in my Honda Civic and I would shut the door and soon as I'd shut the door to go, out there, it's Monday.

[1112] In here, it's Friday!

[1113] And I've done it exactly how I had hoped to do it in the TGI a Friday commercial, but I couldn't do it in the room.

[1114] And I shut my door and I'd go, fuck, why can't you fucking do that?

[1115] I'm fucking start my car.

[1116] That is so funny.

[1117] I can tell you how many times I readed the audition in my Honda Civic.

[1118] You know what I did once?

[1119] I thought, well, maybe I could stand out if my voice is scratchy.

[1120] It's like, Demi Moore and St. Elmo's Fire.

[1121] So I would, before the audition in my car, scream in my lungs.

[1122] So that when I went in, it sounded like, hey, you got it.

[1123] And it was like, ooh, too hoarse.

[1124] You guys have an ashtray in here.

[1125] She's sick.

[1126] We definitely can't hire her.

[1127] She has a strep throat.

[1128] Holy smokes.

[1129] What a grind.

[1130] Okay.

[1131] And then great career, working nonstop.

[1132] But just when I thought I had seen.

[1133] every side of you.

[1134] And it couldn't have come in a more delightful way.

[1135] It's 2018.

[1136] We always sleep at our friends.

[1137] The Hansen's house.

[1138] There's a big sleepover.

[1139] No one knows what they're doing on New Year's Day.

[1140] Come downstairs.

[1141] Someone has found you and Will commentary on the Rose Day parade.

[1142] I mean, that is one of the most spectacular comedy things that's ever been done.

[1143] The joy of having no idea this thing was being done, no expectation.

[1144] We stumbled upon it.

[1145] And we were all just like, how is this happening?

[1146] What a genius idea.

[1147] Oh my God, they're so good together.

[1148] It's long.

[1149] Yeah, that was Will's idea.

[1150] It's ours, right?

[1151] Yes.

[1152] Oh, my God.

[1153] It's so early in the morning.

[1154] And Will is such a great friend of mine.

[1155] We've been friends for years and getting to see him become a father and I'm a mother.

[1156] It's just so great.

[1157] But anyhow, you have to wake up.

[1158] It feels like it's like 2 a .m. to get there for the morning.

[1159] And I'm always pinned if I don't sleep enough.

[1160] And then you have to perform on live television and improvise.

[1161] And it's terrifying.

[1162] But Will is just so great to perform with and we'll just do stuff like he'll squeeze my leg or we'll give one of their hands like okay no i got this i got this so it's like having the greatest partner but we flew to london too to cover the royal wedding but i gotta ask though because iran remember their names i know it's corkin what is it oh yeah cord and tish cord and tish right out of the gate just the name my character's names tish cadigan and he's cord hosenbeck he loves dogs basset hounds hates horses he's terrified of horses and my character hates tis Tish Kattegan, do not get her near ticks.

[1163] She doesn't like it.

[1164] Don't make me saying.

[1165] Yeah.

[1166] Yes.

[1167] Oh, my God.

[1168] It's so funny.

[1169] And then, like, what a present.

[1170] Totally unexpected.

[1171] You just love it.

[1172] And then you think, like, I want to see them do more.

[1173] So it's such an obscure idea.

[1174] You had to have zero expectations of it.

[1175] It's also like it was on Hulu or something.

[1176] Yeah, it was on Amazon at first.

[1177] The fans were like, who are these people?

[1178] They're terrible.

[1179] They're talking over the parade.

[1180] It was like 50 -50.

[1181] They didn't know.

[1182] And Will was like, yay.

[1183] This is perfect.

[1184] They loved it.

[1185] They were mad.

[1186] These people are so selfish.

[1187] They're talking over the folks and ruining the parade.

[1188] No, it was a joy.

[1189] And we had the best time.

[1190] Oh, my God.

[1191] When the reaction was huge, like it became something much bigger enough to justify you guys going to do the royal wedding.

[1192] Yes.

[1193] Yeah.

[1194] Were you just like, wait, what?

[1195] Yes.

[1196] Are you kidding?

[1197] And I was really interested in the royal wedding.

[1198] So it was so fun to cover.

[1199] And Kristen Wigg was there.

[1200] And she came and played a little sad.

[1201] Sassy gentleman who has a crush on Tish.

[1202] Wow.

[1203] It was so cute.

[1204] She had a little mustache and a cap, and her face was so cute and little.

[1205] I love that when like almost like a prank or a bit turns into now you're actually at the royal wedding with like real media outlets and people around the world are watching this.

[1206] It's very funny.

[1207] But it's hard too because you're covering a live event.

[1208] There's a lot of improv.

[1209] So it's like a real, it's like high level gymnastics.

[1210] Yeah.

[1211] When it's over, I'm sure you go to your hotel.

[1212] crash.

[1213] Yeah, we all went out for dinner after.

[1214] We barely slept.

[1215] And Will's so great that way because I worry about sleep and performing.

[1216] Like, I always like to get a good sleep.

[1217] Sure.

[1218] But Will's like my role model that way because I'm like, aren't you worried?

[1219] Like we basically, we're not even going to go to sleep or we're going to have to get up and perform.

[1220] And he's like, ah, just take a nap later.

[1221] He doesn't care about that.

[1222] He has quite a disposition.

[1223] It's such a good attitude.

[1224] Well, when we interviewed him, he's such an enigma because like, of course you have the childhood you have.

[1225] That makes sense.

[1226] Most comedians I know.

[1227] Yeah.

[1228] Are fucked up.

[1229] But Will was like very very likable, an athlete, in a fraternity, always likable, drinks responsibly.

[1230] He's a total enigma.

[1231] He's a little bit AI.

[1232] Little AI.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] The comedy's coming from joy and playfulness and not like sorrow and control and all the reasons I pursued it.

[1235] Oh, my God.

[1236] So true.

[1237] Okay.

[1238] And then I just got to say, and we already talked about it, but we got it.

[1239] White Lotus.

[1240] I mean, what a show.

[1241] Another thing that kind of came out of nowhere.

[1242] Yes.

[1243] It's like I hadn't heard about it prior.

[1244] I happen to see like an advertisement for it and there's a tone immediately you pick up on just from the advertisements where you're like, I'm intrigued by this.

[1245] Oh, Mike White, I trust him.

[1246] All these actors I trust.

[1247] But what a fucking show.

[1248] Best show of last year.

[1249] Well, we had the best time because we shot it at the four seasons in Maui and it was during quarantine.

[1250] And so only the crew and the actors were at the hotel.

[1251] We had the entire hotel to ourselves.

[1252] What a glass.

[1253] And you're in a bubble.

[1254] We're in a bubble.

[1255] My kid, Stella and Nolan were with me. made because they were doing remote school at the time.

[1256] So they would just get to do school like on the beach.

[1257] And it was the greatest acting experience because it was all right there.

[1258] So I would do a fitting, just go down to the lobby.

[1259] I would wake up and go, I'm going to go shoot a scene down in Ferraros down in the restaurant.

[1260] And Stella and Nolan would go snorkel.

[1261] Then they'd walk back and they'd be like, hi Mike, hi mommy.

[1262] It was all right there.

[1263] It was a dream job for a mother.

[1264] It was life changing.

[1265] And then every night dinners with Jennifer Coolidge, Dave Bernad, Connie Britton, Sidney's Sweeney, it was a dream.

[1266] We would swim and talk.

[1267] All the actors would go at sunset and swim.

[1268] Oh, fuck.

[1269] Oh, my gosh.

[1270] I want to do that.

[1271] We would swim in the ocean and just swim back and forth and talk.

[1272] Oh, my God.

[1273] Just for like an hour.

[1274] It was the best.

[1275] You guys are going to do a season two.

[1276] Mike right now, he's in Sicily shooting season two.

[1277] It's all new cast.

[1278] Jennifer Coolidge is the only one returning, and it will be new, cultural differences, like Americans visiting Italy.

[1279] But he can really do whatever he wants with it if he wants to do it again.

[1280] But I want to, I mean...

[1281] I know we want to see all these people again.

[1282] For people who have not seen it, which you must see it immediately, you come to your son's honeymoon.

[1283] Yes, my character shows up on her son's honeymoon.

[1284] And you're so condescending to that poor bride of his.

[1285] Wasn't she so good?

[1286] And Jake Lacey was so good, who played my son.

[1287] He was incredible.

[1288] Yes.

[1289] Yes.

[1290] I surprise my son on his honeymoon.

[1291] I'm a doting mother.

[1292] And I ask my daughter -in -law, I can't believe she's a writer.

[1293] And I'm like, why would you want to work?

[1294] That makes no sense.

[1295] She's just in her own bubble.

[1296] I'm trying to train her on how to be rich.

[1297] But it's all real.

[1298] That's why every character you're like, I know, I know her, I know him.

[1299] It feels arched, but it's very real.

[1300] A couple I know, and they became friends with the guy who worked at the four seasons, and they took him out for a drink.

[1301] And they asked him, what's the most outrageous thing a guest has ever.

[1302] asked you.

[1303] And he said that there was a couple that called down to the front desk.

[1304] And they were like, can you please do something?

[1305] The moon is too bright.

[1306] It's glaring into our room.

[1307] Oh, my God.

[1308] Isn't that funny?

[1309] Oh, my God.

[1310] We had a really funny experience at that hotel.

[1311] Long time ago, Kristen gets basically a call from her, I don't know.

[1312] Publissus is maybe it says, do you want to come to the Maui Film Festival?

[1313] All you have to do is go eat chocolate at this thing.

[1314] It's sponsored by Godiva.

[1315] And then you'll get four nights at that place.

[1316] really nice room blah blah blah and she hangs out i'm like let me get this straight your work you have to do at some point just go eat chocolate this is insane let's go we went weirdly enough pratt was there with anna and we hung with them we're like what is this everyone's got to eat chocolate at some point it doesn't matter we went out for the day we come back to our room and it just feels different and then we get into the bedroom and there's like some black baby dolls on the bed i'm like i mean i know they're not her black baby dolls but i'm thinking it'd be weird if the hotel staff had put those on there for us were they like displayed nicely yeah yeah they were all lined up you know someone had taken great care of these little baby dolls and then i go to like put something away in the closet and there's just full of clothes someone has moved into our room while we were out what like sightseeing huh a family and they were i guess done with pool or something we called up and we're just like hey gang someone I think lives here now.

[1317] It was weird.

[1318] That's never happened to us.

[1319] That's so funny.

[1320] How did they not notice our stuff?

[1321] It was very weird.

[1322] I'm going to go out on a limb.

[1323] I never even thought about this.

[1324] But maybe they checked in and the bellhops brought all their shit up and like, oh, we'll get you situated.

[1325] You guys go have lunch.

[1326] I don't know how it all happened.

[1327] But then they undid their clothes and put all their toys on the bed?

[1328] I don't know what happened.

[1329] But how could the other people, did they just think like, oh, wow, the previous guest left all their stuff behind.

[1330] Oh, we'll tell housekeeping.

[1331] And they'll get it out of it.

[1332] I don't know.

[1333] There's some weird stuff.

[1334] that happens at hotels.

[1335] Kristen and Dax and the family and I went to Turks and Caicos.

[1336] Also for a thing like that where they had to like go like, you know, eat some shrimp at some point.

[1337] It was such a fun vacation, but we were pretty convinced that they were listening to us because we would say like, God, I just really wish we'd have peanut butter cookies.

[1338] The most random thing that would just come out of the next day, peanut butter cookies are there.

[1339] And our big hack was, what show were we consuming?

[1340] me, oh, peeky blinders.

[1341] So I got them to get us like a PlayStation so we could then get to Netflix so we could watch our favorite show.

[1342] It was fucking awesome.

[1343] But I said, we're only missing a single thing, popcorn.

[1344] That's it.

[1345] Next day, huge array of popcorn options.

[1346] And we're like, hmm, they're listening, which is troublesome, but we're getting everything we desire.

[1347] I don't know.

[1348] What do we do here?

[1349] And we just kept saying shit we wanted and kept arriving.

[1350] Okay.

[1351] Now, in addition to your book, which is really, really fantastic, it's really sincere.

[1352] and it's an incredible story.

[1353] Hello, Molly.

[1354] Also, you have, don't say it, and I refuse to look at the piece of paper because I can do it.

[1355] It is...

[1356] I love this for you.

[1357] Almost.

[1358] They switch it to I love that for you.

[1359] Okay.

[1360] But I could see where you could say I love this because it was I love this for you.

[1361] So you got it.

[1362] Okay, I love that for you.

[1363] You got it.

[1364] I watched the first episode today.

[1365] It's so fucking good.

[1366] Who's behind it?

[1367] Before we get to the amazing cast, but there must be incredible writers that I've seen other shows or something.

[1368] Yes.

[1369] Vanessa Bayer and Jeremy Biler wrote the script.

[1370] It's their idea.

[1371] It's loosely based on Vanessa's well, I don't know how she would word that, so we'll let her say that.

[1372] It said that when it came to us.

[1373] It's, okay, great.

[1374] It's close to your childhood.

[1375] It's Cleveland.

[1376] It's a hospital.

[1377] It's a kid.

[1378] Yes.

[1379] I was getting tripped out because I had already read the book and then I'm watching the show.

[1380] And you and Bayer are such similar performers.

[1381] And that's a compliment to both of you.

[1382] And I'm like, there's some very weird synergy happening with this whole project.

[1383] But Show Walter is involved?

[1384] Yes, much show Walter.

[1385] Okay, that makes a lot of sense.

[1386] Show Walter, Jesse Klein, Jeremy Beiler, Vanessa Bear.

[1387] Great team.

[1388] It's so good.

[1389] It's so well done.

[1390] It continues to be good.

[1391] It's fantastic.

[1392] I can't wait for you to watch it, Monica.

[1393] I'm so excited.

[1394] I saw it today that we got links.

[1395] And I was reading about it, Aiden.

[1396] Oh, yes.

[1397] Aiden is so good.

[1398] She's in the show.

[1399] I love her so much.

[1400] She did the Herbal Essence commercial with me. My first, like, real commercial.

[1401] She's one of the mermaids.

[1402] And speaking of some of the mermaids.

[1403] And speaking of Someone who I was like, it was a commercial for a hair product.

[1404] And I was like, Aiden's really good.

[1405] I was like, she's like a really good actress and has proven to be in and is in all these awesome things.

[1406] I think she is a mermaid.

[1407] I'm fully convinced.

[1408] What character does she play?

[1409] Wait, is she the one that's like, I'm married.

[1410] I have kids.

[1411] I'm obsessed with my kids.

[1412] Oh, she's fantastic.

[1413] It's my time.

[1414] Like those kind of mommy bloggers.

[1415] She's like Vanessa's.

[1416] Antagonist.

[1417] Yes, exactly.

[1418] Vanessa's incredible.

[1419] And she's such a nice person.

[1420] Do you see a little of you?

[1421] and her?

[1422] That's so funny.

[1423] Somebody else said that.

[1424] I think my husband said that.

[1425] Fritz.

[1426] Fritz might have said that we look alike or something.

[1427] We look like we could be sisters.

[1428] You guys both play nervous really, really well, trying to stay above water really well.

[1429] There was an anxiety, but never pathetic.

[1430] Like, it's easy to tip those characters because I've played a bunch of slower people, let's say.

[1431] So for that reason, you could start feeling bad for yourself as the character.

[1432] But there's never any self -pity in them, which is why they're enjoyable to watch.

[1433] There's some symmetry there.

[1434] Stay tuned for more armchair expert If you dare Wait, do you ever do a thing where if you make a mistake Do you get in your head ever or anything like that?

[1435] Like, if you got something wrong, are you hard on yourself?

[1436] Do you have to be perfect or are you easy on yourself If you make a mistake or say the wrong thing Or get somebody's name wrong, say you're at a party And you're like, are you hard on yourself?

[1437] I want to ask both of you.

[1438] Yeah, I think so.

[1439] But not really when it's like names.

[1440] or something.

[1441] What is it for you where you would be hard on yourself?

[1442] Probably if I embarrassed myself somehow, I would not be able to get over that quickly or I wouldn't be able to brush it off.

[1443] She walked into a window once and it was one of the best things ever.

[1444] So embarrassing.

[1445] I didn't know, but she walked away and then she started crying and she cried in her car and I felt terrible but I was like, if you have the wherewithal to recognize, like, I just gave everyone this huge gift.

[1446] Like, in fact, my daughter's about to be a flower girl this weekend, right?

[1447] And she said, boy, I hope I don't trip.

[1448] I'm a little nervous how I trip.

[1449] And I said, well, I'm going to be honest with you.

[1450] If you trip, you'll be the only person that doesn't enjoy that.

[1451] Everyone loves when someone trips.

[1452] It's the most fun thing that could happen.

[1453] It's like you're expecting one thing.

[1454] And all of a sudden, someone tripped.

[1455] Oh, my God, how are they going to handle this?

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] I'm like, so everyone would love it if you trip.

[1458] Or you could tell her maybe you could try to trip.

[1459] No, I told her the story.

[1460] When I graduated, I fake tripped and knocked over a flaw arrangement and then rolled off the stage.

[1461] and it was a big thing.

[1462] And the parents sitting next to my parents were like, oh, his poor parents, but my parents knew I was going to trip.

[1463] But if Monica could have seen, like, in a movie you pray you'd get it that well, where it's like you think that's a door and it's a window.

[1464] But I want to leave and I want people to be like, she's cool.

[1465] Of course.

[1466] Yeah, but like, oh, I like her.

[1467] She's cool.

[1468] And then if you leave and you walk into a window, that's probably not the thing they're going to say about you.

[1469] I once went to my therapist in L .A. She was so sweet and loving.

[1470] I had this new outfit that was kind of like a safari type of dress shirt with pants underneath it, and I thought I looked so pretty, and I wanted to impress her.

[1471] But I remember, like, going in and I, like, tripped, and the sari got twisted.

[1472] And then I think she, like, hugged me, and she whispered in my ear, breathe.

[1473] Oh.

[1474] Just breathe.

[1475] That would make it way worse.

[1476] That would be worse for me. Isn't that funny?

[1477] I get self -conscious.

[1478] Names is a big one.

[1479] I'm terrible at them.

[1480] Yes, that's hard.

[1481] And I feel really.

[1482] guilty.

[1483] Yes.

[1484] I'm good at remembering names of people who can help me, if I'm dead honest.

[1485] I don't ever forget my director's name or the producer's name.

[1486] Anyways, that's my own realization.

[1487] That's so good.

[1488] My husband, he had noticed in L .A. that people say when they meet someone, nice to see you.

[1489] That's what I do.

[1490] To cover themselves.

[1491] That's right.

[1492] But he said that in New York, people don't do that.

[1493] I'll always say nice to see you.

[1494] Just in case.

[1495] Just in case.

[1496] But does someone ever say, no, we've never met before?

[1497] But that would be fine.

[1498] Because you're just saying, I'm enjoying seeing you now.

[1499] Exactly.

[1500] You're evaluating two outcomes.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] One is you've already met them and you say, nice to meet you, and they're very hurt.

[1503] The next one is, nice to see you.

[1504] Oh, we've never met.

[1505] Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

[1506] You look like someone I know.

[1507] They're not going to walk away hurt.

[1508] They're not going to be hurt that you think you've already met them.

[1509] Mm -hmm.

[1510] That's so true.

[1511] You're just choosing between two bad options.

[1512] I had one where I felt terrible.

[1513] It's somebody I should know.

[1514] I won't say who this is it.

[1515] With somebody's partner came up to me, their wife, and I didn't recognize her.

[1516] I hadn't seen her in like 13 years.

[1517] Right.

[1518] And I had a glazed over look as if she was like a fan or something because it was like an event where fans were coming up.

[1519] And then she just right away, this was her entrance.

[1520] She was like, you don't remember me. It was like a victim's entrance.

[1521] And then I was like, oh.

[1522] So it's so awkward.

[1523] Now I have to like rescue her.

[1524] But this is like the parents of teenagers think that's on her.

[1525] Yes.

[1526] And I think it's interesting because you learn a lot about boundaries and introducing yourself when you are well, known because you have people coming at you a lot.

[1527] Everyone greets you with a look of familiarity on their face because they've seen you.

[1528] Their look says, I know you.

[1529] So then I think, well, I know this person.

[1530] So I have to start with, hey, what's going on?

[1531] And then I'm trying to figure out, do I know them or not know them?

[1532] Wait, so do you feel bad?

[1533] You asked us.

[1534] Yes, I definitely like to know names.

[1535] I like to try.

[1536] But lately, I think I've been like, oh, whatever.

[1537] Like, parties are hard for everyone.

[1538] So I think, don't worry about having to be so perfect.

[1539] It's exhausting and it's funny when mistakes happen and it's okay.

[1540] It's like, give me a break.

[1541] I have to say to myself, what is a realistic expectation of me?

[1542] Am I setting some goal for myself that I will not achieve and then will inevitably feel terrible about?

[1543] Because I'm not going to remember 70 people all the time, right?

[1544] Secondly, and this is the harder one, is people are going to think you're an asshole.

[1545] That is the course of your life.

[1546] You're going to be at the airport with your kids.

[1547] Someone's going to ask for a picture.

[1548] You're going to say, I don't do that in front of my kids.

[1549] they're going to be mad at you and they're going to tell their friends that you're an asshole and you've got to accept that.

[1550] It kills me if I go the other way where I'm like, oh, fuck, now that person thinks I'm a dick.

[1551] So you just let it go and you want to be with your children and it's not the right time and you just set that boundary.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] Okay, so anyways, it's a big, big April for you because your book comes out on April 12th.

[1554] Yes.

[1555] And your show comes out on April 29th.

[1556] Yes.

[1557] Do you like when all the press overlaps so you can just get it all done at once or do you feel overwhelmed when it's like oh my god why is now everything i've been working on for two years now coming on i don't mind i like doing it all at once yeah it feels like good timing and then i'm doing the other two we're doing season three that's on hboh max i start shooting that in the fall i exercise like you because i think you can get so busy that exercise grounds me everything else can be enjoyable to me if i start with exercise me too right like you're working out and you're like well this other interview i'm going to it can't be as bad as doing what i'm doing now it's so true it just calms my body down and I think it helps you sleep and it's great for everything.

[1558] What kind of exercise do you do?

[1559] I swim every day and I run.

[1560] I will do one or the other.

[1561] I would like to do more of what you're doing like lifting weights.

[1562] I think also as a woman, it's so good.

[1563] It is to keep muscle mass because it keeps bone health.

[1564] I like that you know that.

[1565] Black mole paradise is right underneath us.

[1566] That's what it's called.

[1567] Dax's gym.

[1568] That's what it's called.

[1569] There's black mold in it.

[1570] It started because the rock has Iron Paradise, beautiful gym.

[1571] So I have Black Mold Paradise.

[1572] It's here in the garage.

[1573] I love that.

[1574] It's also gotten a facelift because now it's Dan Gaines Beef Hoss.

[1575] Oh my gosh.

[1576] Black Mold Paradise.

[1577] If you want to put some beef on at the beef hoss, but you know what I like about it?

[1578] When I'm in Black Mold Paradise, it's Dan Gaines time.

[1579] I'm an animal down there.

[1580] I'm a different person.

[1581] Then I come up here and I care about you.

[1582] But down there, I just care about my quads.

[1583] That's all he cares about.

[1584] Like, there couldn't be a bigger difference in vibe from this room than six inches below us, right?

[1585] And when he's down there and we're up here, you can hear it.

[1586] Even today, I was like, he's still, she's going to be here.

[1587] I saw that guy come out of the gym.

[1588] I got scared.

[1589] He was like, hey, park over here.

[1590] I was like, whoa, here we go.

[1591] It's so pumped up down there.

[1592] I was like, how's he going to transition so quick?

[1593] I got a little anxious, but you did a great job.

[1594] I do have a question.

[1595] I do wonder, because I was just at my best friend's wedding and all our childhood friends were there.

[1596] It was so incredible.

[1597] It was so lovely.

[1598] And one of our friends was just like crying the whole time.

[1599] And he was like, I just kind of can't believe we're all here and that we're all doing well.

[1600] And he was like, I guess I just kind of thought one of us would be dead.

[1601] You know, he really had some profound thoughts.

[1602] And he even said, like, I don't think I'm going to make it past 60.

[1603] And Dax says stuff like this all the time.

[1604] And our friend Eric says stuff like this.

[1605] And it makes me full of anxiety and I don't like it.

[1606] But then I wondered, like, having had that.

[1607] experienced so young, have you ever had a feeling of, how long am I going to make it here?

[1608] I used to feel that way more, probably before I got into therapy and stuff, that I would feel like nothing good can last long.

[1609] So when I first started Saturday in it live, I wouldn't hang stuff up in my office because I was like, there might be disaster around the corner or things might blow up the same way it did when I was little.

[1610] So that was very hard to work against.

[1611] I don't feel that way now.

[1612] I mean, anything could happen in life, but I don't live with that anymore.

[1613] But when I was doing my stage shows, I used to be panicked, and I would drive, and it felt like a lot of pressure, and I'd be driving to do the Robin Molly show, and I'd have wigs in my backseat on my way to my show, and like, oh, I hope everybody comes.

[1614] And I would get so nervous and worry, thinking, what if my two start taking, then I can't do the show, and what if I need an emergency root canal?

[1615] So I would invite my dentist in the audience, Dr. Karen Nakagawa, just in case.

[1616] She was like, you want me to come to your show again?

[1617] I was like, yes.

[1618] Because it made me I feel secure knowing she was there in case we had to do a little dental repair.

[1619] That's how bad it was.

[1620] But I get that you're trying to like root in safety around you so that things can't blow up at any moment.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] Definitely when I started S &L, I felt that way.

[1623] I felt very scared.

[1624] I remember when I was first living with my husband, we were dating and we moved in together and we had a loft and we didn't have that much furniture.

[1625] And I think a friend of his came and was like, oh, this is so nice, but there's not that much furniture and he was like Molly's not going to buy furniture like it's too permanent and that made me so sad but now I'm completely different like I've totally changed too much furniture some people would say yeah now I'm not like that I worked hard to change all that that's really weird because just yesterday in therapy my therapist said you live in a state of mind which is like the feds are closing in on the property at all time they're about to knock through the door and I said oh yeah for sure yeah And I said, what I hope is I can start living like publishers clearinghouse might knock at the door.

[1626] Yeah.

[1627] Because we don't know.

[1628] So get dressed and look nice in case it's them.

[1629] There's far more evidence as to that.

[1630] It actually has already happened to you.

[1631] Yes, yes, yes.

[1632] Life is the publisher's clearinghouse.

[1633] Have you read that book, The Body Keeps the Score?

[1634] Oh, yeah.

[1635] I have to read.

[1636] I heard him on a podcast, but he sounded amazing.

[1637] Joe Roggan.

[1638] The thing that I really connected the dots on recently was a friend of mine sent me Guy, Stevenson from the Groundlings era sent me this incredible YouTube video he's like show this to your kids and it's an illusion and it's a window spinning in real life there's a piece of cardboard that they've made to look like a window in real life it's spinning 360 degrees but your brain will not let you see that it just makes the window oscillate back and forth because your brain understands what a window is and it understands the physics of a window and it will not let you see it even when he puts like paper clips on the thing so you can see it goes around in a circle yeah and at the the end.

[1639] He says, and you'll never be able to see that this actually goes around in a circle.

[1640] But if we show this to people in sub -Saharan Africa who have not imprinted what a square window looks like with lines in it, they can see it go around in a circle.

[1641] And so for me, it gave me really great compassion for trauma folks because, sure, I can explain the trick to you.

[1642] Oh, it's an illusion and it goes in a circle.

[1643] Oh, I can put this paper clip here.

[1644] I can put a pencil through it.

[1645] You'll see the pencil spin in a circle, but you will not see the window spin in a circle.

[1646] And I thought to myself, give us all a break.

[1647] We can't ever not.

[1648] see a window.

[1649] You can't unsee it.

[1650] All the talking in the world about it is not going to prevent your brain from seeing what it knows.

[1651] So there's a little more than understanding trauma and thinking you're not going to see it.

[1652] That's so interesting.

[1653] Like it gave me some compassion.

[1654] Yeah.

[1655] And almost made me think the way we need to evolve and the way we treat this is like forget the idea that you're ever going to see the world differently.

[1656] It's like just here's some tools that help you identify I'm seeing an illusion.

[1657] But the notion that you're going to never not see that as a windows might be a little preposterous.

[1658] Yeah.

[1659] Wow.

[1660] Well, we really went on at a high note.

[1661] That was great.

[1662] Hello, Molly.

[1663] April 12th.

[1664] And of course, I love that for you.

[1665] 429 on showtime.

[1666] Molly, this has been so fun.

[1667] So good to see you.

[1668] Thank you.

[1669] You guys.

[1670] Thanks so much for having me. This is so fun.

[1671] You're both so good at what you do and you make it really fun and you're both so verbal and funny.

[1672] And hot.

[1673] You can say hot.

[1674] We're both smoke shows.

[1675] That doesn't hurt.

[1676] This is great.

[1677] All right, love you.

[1678] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1679] We had a little period there where, which again, I love all versions of the show.

[1680] But we had a period that was more like fun.

[1681] Yeah.

[1682] And then we've had some really heart -to -heart -heart -deep ones lately.

[1683] And I've like, I've realized I've missed those.

[1684] Same.

[1685] Yeah, Molly being one of what?

[1686] There was my hotel in New York.

[1687] New York had a weird toilet.

[1688] Oh, German toilet.

[1689] Yeah, but this is a ding, ding, ding for the future.

[1690] For David Ferrier's new show, Flightless Bird.

[1691] That's right.

[1692] Available everywhere.

[1693] Yeah.

[1694] Very soon.

[1695] Such a good show.

[1696] But there's a episode on toilets.

[1697] And we learned about, like, different kinds of toilets in different countries.

[1698] And the toilet in New York that I was at was a German one because it had, like, a shelf.

[1699] Yeah.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] And we found out culturally.

[1702] they think, which makes a ton of sense, that you should look at your stool, because it's the, what do we say to your health?

[1703] It's the, it's like when you look at eyes and you see someone's soul.

[1704] A window, yeah, eyes are the window to the soul.

[1705] Your poop is a window to your health.

[1706] Yeah, that's right.

[1707] And it's believed that you should, you know, take a look, make sure everything's honky dory.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] Culturally, wow.

[1710] I know.

[1711] It's incredible.

[1712] I didn't like it.

[1713] You didn't, because it smells so much.

[1714] Well, just too much exposure.

[1715] Okay, vulnerable?

[1716] Yeah.

[1717] I would like it.

[1718] I mean, no. There's a time and a place for a German display toilet.

[1719] If it's like in someone's apartment, I'm dead.

[1720] There's no way I can poop there because it's going to smell so much worse.

[1721] That's true.

[1722] Like, I didn't not like it in my scenario.

[1723] It's by myself.

[1724] It's ideal.

[1725] But, yeah, if I walked into someone's house and they had that.

[1726] Yeah, poop on a shelf.

[1727] Well, I'm going to have that on my house.

[1728] Everyone's poops exposed.

[1729] You should have like, of your different bathrooms in your room, home you should have one that's the observation bathroom yeah and you can tell guess you know use any toilet you want if you want to observe yeah and share a bit of the smell with all of us use that bathroom yeah okay speaking of gross stuff yeah we love gross stuff by the way this really nice woman i brought her up on the last fact check barbara the purser yep i don't know where she goes just and she's older woman i mean i don't want to make her self -conscious but she was i i'm guessing in our late 50s.

[1730] I just, my favorite story is the Home Depot story.

[1731] Oh, good.

[1732] And I was like, I love it.

[1733] That's not what I would have guessed.

[1734] That's right.

[1735] Mix messages.

[1736] Don't judge a book by their cover.

[1737] Mona Lisa.

[1738] Okay, so this is in that vein.

[1739] Okay, great.

[1740] So, because we were talking about Oh, masturbation.

[1741] The masturbation.

[1742] I loved it.

[1743] And I loved the honesty, of course.

[1744] Oh, yeah.

[1745] So then, of course, we talk about my.

[1746] Perversion.

[1747] Thank you.

[1748] And I haven't had that in a while.

[1749] Like, I haven't, and I had a dream the other night.

[1750] About puking.

[1751] Yeah.

[1752] I can't get into the details.

[1753] Okay.

[1754] Someone was puking.

[1755] Yeah, and it was a sexual experience and then there was puking.

[1756] Oh my God, like mid -sex?

[1757] And I had not thought about that in a lot.

[1758] I mean, obviously, I think about it intellectually now, but I haven't like.

[1759] Experienced it.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] And, yeah.

[1762] So really quick, in the dream, it was already sexual dream and the person started puking.

[1763] Yes.

[1764] Oh, wow.

[1765] Yeah.

[1766] Oh, wow.

[1767] During coitus?

[1768] Yeah, towards the end.

[1769] Oh, my gosh.

[1770] And you loved it.

[1771] Yeah, and you loved it.

[1772] Do you think you reached climax in your sleep?

[1773] Yes.

[1774] Oh, my God.

[1775] I do.

[1776] I do think that.

[1777] Oh, my goodness.

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] This is just a great update.

[1780] And it really came out of nowhere.

[1781] That can be the best kind.

[1782] Unexpected, novelty.

[1783] These are well -worn paths.

[1784] Satisfizers, maximizers.

[1785] Yes, but people, especially they say women, are most...

[1786] Intrigued up.

[1787] Intrigued.

[1788] There you go.

[1789] By novelty.

[1790] Especially women?

[1791] Yeah, like Esther Perel will say, men will often cheat for X reason.

[1792] They want variety.

[1793] No, that's not what I think...

[1794] They just want, they want sex.

[1795] Men all cheat because they want sex itself.

[1796] Yeah.

[1797] And women will cheat because they want novelty.

[1798] Interesting.

[1799] Yeah.

[1800] These are general, just general statements.

[1801] But I feel like men want novelty, just sexual novelty.

[1802] like they have partners so they have sex well many men aren't having much sex with their partner well that's true right those people want sex sex right like the great Charlie quote any of them right all of them all of them any of them whatever yeah beggars can't be choosers whereas if you ask no woman would answer that question any of them no probably not yeah well some woman would.

[1803] Yeah, exactly.

[1804] Most women would.

[1805] We're not painting.

[1806] But we can talk in, you know, 65%.

[1807] Yeah.

[1808] These are generalizations.

[1809] Yeah.

[1810] What else will we talk about?

[1811] Yeah, so anyway, that was exciting.

[1812] You know, women generally pee sitting down, you know?

[1813] Of course, someone pees standing up.

[1814] That's right.

[1815] Okay.

[1816] Congratulations, woman who pee's standing up.

[1817] Honestly, congratulations, because that would be nice.

[1818] My children sometimes do that because there's still.

[1819] You mean hover?

[1820] No, stand.

[1821] Fucking stand.

[1822] How can they do that?

[1823] They try to point their urethro.

[1824] Yes, yeah.

[1825] They want to pee like a boy.

[1826] Wow.

[1827] But in the shower, they can.

[1828] Of course.

[1829] But they shouldn't try over the toilet.

[1830] It's going to be messy.

[1831] Yeah.

[1832] I mean, I don't want to, you know, speak to whether they're good or bad at it.

[1833] I don't know.

[1834] I've come in and seen some vertical.

[1835] No, I've seen it in progress.

[1836] Yeah, walking into a bathroom and there's a daughter peeing standing out.

[1837] Okay.

[1838] Yep.

[1839] And I think, like, of course.

[1840] Why not try?

[1841] I've done every weird thing.

[1842] Why not try?

[1843] for sure.

[1844] My body wouldn't be able to do it.

[1845] No. Because you have to, you'd have to spread your legs.

[1846] Sure, I guess.

[1847] Yeah.

[1848] Well, you'd have to pull your, you'd have to pull your vulva up and part it.

[1849] And then you try to get an angle on your erythra.

[1850] So it was shooting, odds are it's going to shoot straight out.

[1851] It's not.

[1852] It's unruly.

[1853] It's not, yeah.

[1854] It is very unruly.

[1855] Men can't even do it with an actual tool.

[1856] Hose.

[1857] Yes.

[1858] A hose.

[1859] So if women can do it, I am.

[1860] I'm impressed, I will just say.

[1861] Yeah, that's great.

[1862] That's great.

[1863] Okay.

[1864] She told us about a doc.

[1865] I haven't watched it yet, and I wondered if you had watched it.

[1866] Procession.

[1867] I haven't.

[1868] It was about kids who were molested by priests.

[1869] And then they like kind of reenacted and stuff.

[1870] Oh, right, right, right, right.

[1871] Yeah, I do want to watch that.

[1872] I also want to watch the one about the skateboarders who had all been molested that someone told us about reason.

[1873] Also, under the banner of heaven is out.

[1874] Did you start it?

[1875] Is it good?

[1876] I like it so far.

[1877] There's only been two episodes.

[1878] Okay, yeah.

[1879] I was so up on Hulu, it's on Hulu, right?

[1880] I saw that and I was like, yes.

[1881] And then next to it was a doc about a boy who went missing when he was seven.

[1882] And then he wandered back home at 14.

[1883] In 1972, this happened.

[1884] And so I started that instead.

[1885] It's so interesting.

[1886] I was really trying to figure this out because it was very popular in the media.

[1887] And then when he came back, he was on every single show.

[1888] What everyone's just ignoring right, like even when they explain, what the parents thought he was one of five the parents are saying like i just knew someone took him because they wanted a son you know like they wanted a boy they they never thought he had been killed right for whatever reason and she thought well just someone wanted a child but i was like let me tell you something no man wants a fucking child that's not his every man who would do that is a fucking pervert pedophile but what was weird to me and i was wondering was like is it a sign of the times or it would happen even today like soon as he got home everyone was like where were you at?

[1889] How long was it?

[1890] Did he tell you you weren't?

[1891] Like, yeah.

[1892] No one's acknowledging, oh, this kid's been fucking raped for seven years straight.

[1893] They aren't acknowledging it?

[1894] No. We probably shouldn't have them on the today show to say, like, they tell your parents didn't like you.

[1895] Like, I don't know if it was naivete or like society was just better to ignoring everything.

[1896] And then they made a fucking made for TV movie, two part movie that was popular.

[1897] And I didn't see the movie.

[1898] Maybe it goes into it.

[1899] But I think maybe there's some hints at it.

[1900] But it's like, no, If you're going to make a movie about this, the whole fucking thing is about this kid getting raped for seven years.

[1901] That's what the movie is.

[1902] It's completely heartbreaking.

[1903] I was thinking the whole time, like, my molesting experience was pretty fucking contained.

[1904] It was only a few episodes and this and that and just the notion of living what I experienced in a few times for seven years.

[1905] Yeah.

[1906] I just don't know how a person survives.

[1907] Yeah.

[1908] It's so sad.

[1909] Oh, God.

[1910] heartbreaking it's easy to hate men i'll tell you that's a boy that grows up into a man too yeah and it's point one percent or whatever but but man the capacity to do something like that is just so beyond me i know okay well i just took it real far down but anyways that's why i didn't start under the banner which i very much want to start because one of my favorite books of all time it's actually a ding ding ding oh it is yeah uh because i i looked up trauma and memory Oh, okay.

[1911] Because I was just curious because she could remember that event, you know, the car accident.

[1912] And it was four.

[1913] Well, what's funny is it's right out of the gates, I'll say it seems to go both ways.

[1914] Like some people, the reaction is amnesia.

[1915] And it gets rediscovered, right?

[1916] It's like too intense to ever think about again.

[1917] Yep.

[1918] And conversely, people can have insanely detailed.

[1919] Like when we interviewed TI.

[1920] Yeah.

[1921] And you remembered all those details of that apartment.

[1922] Yeah.

[1923] And it's like, bud, that's the only day of your friend.

[1924] four -year -old life, you have those details.

[1925] That should be a clue.

[1926] Yeah, this says specifically to childhood trauma.

[1927] Your brain may choose to repress details of the memories or the emotions associated with them as a coping mechanism.

[1928] Yeah.

[1929] But it would make total sense survival -wise.

[1930] If we think of trauma as like what you would have normal experience when you were chased by a lion or when you saw three members of your group get hit with fucking bow and arrow out of nowhere, your brain would be well -functioning to imprint as many of the surrounding clues as possible so you're never in that situation again exactly okay so there's a chart okay it's visual but i'll try to talk it out how trauma impacts four different types of memory this is from a dot org oh okay okay no you used to love dot i did i did used to love that okay explicit memory and then implicit memory now within explicit memory there's semantic memory and episodic memory we're learning a lot Yeah, I don't know the difference between those two.

[1931] Okay, semantic memory, yellow.

[1932] I'm going to give you and say yellow.

[1933] Semantic memory is the memory of general knowledge and facts.

[1934] Okay.

[1935] For example, you remember what a bicycle is.

[1936] Yeah.

[1937] How trauma can affect it.

[1938] Trauma can prevent information like words, images, sounds, et cetera, from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory.

[1939] Mm. And these are the brain areas, the temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory in general.

[1940] Episodic memory.

[1941] The autobiographical memory of an event or experience, including the who, what, and where.

[1942] Ooh.

[1943] Example.

[1944] You remember who was there and what street you were on when you fell off your bicycle in front of a crowd.

[1945] Ah.

[1946] Okay?

[1947] Uh -huh.

[1948] How trauma can affect it.

[1949] Trauma can shut down episodic memory and fragment the sequence of events.

[1950] Ooh.

[1951] The hippocampus is responsible for, for creating and recalling episodic memory.

[1952] Okay.

[1953] Now that was all under explicit.

[1954] Oh, wow.

[1955] Now we're in implicit.

[1956] Blue, emotional memory.

[1957] Hmm.

[1958] The memory of the emotions you felt during an experience.

[1959] Example.

[1960] When a wave of shame or anxiety grabs you the next time you see your bicycle after the big fall.

[1961] The bicycle becomes a cue for those implicit memories.

[1962] How trauma can affect it.

[1963] After trauma, a person may get triggered and experienced painful.

[1964] emotions often without context.

[1965] The amygdala plays a key role in supporting memory for emotionally charged experiences.

[1966] Okay.

[1967] Last one.

[1968] Green.

[1969] This is also under implicit.

[1970] Procedural memory.

[1971] The memory of how to perform a common task without actively thinking.

[1972] Mm -hmm.

[1973] Example.

[1974] Driving a car.

[1975] Well, we're going to keep it in the bicycle family.

[1976] Oh, all right.

[1977] You can ride a bicycle automatically without having to stop and recall how it's done.

[1978] I obviously don't have a good.

[1979] procedural memory.

[1980] Well, you did ride that bike, right into a bush, but you...

[1981] Maybe I have trauma repressed.

[1982] From bicycle accident.

[1983] Trauma, repressed.

[1984] How trauma can affect it.

[1985] Trauma can change patterns of procedural memory.

[1986] For example, a person might tense up and unconsciously alter their posture, which could lead to pain or even numbness.

[1987] Related brain areas, the striatum, striatum, is associated with producing procedural memory and creating new habits.

[1988] So, that was cool.

[1989] That was cool.

[1990] Cool, master class in memory.

[1991] Yeah.

[1992] She talked about Anne's cross -eye.

[1993] Oh, right, yeah.

[1994] And I was somewhere recently and someone had a crossed eye.

[1995] Okay.

[1996] And I didn't notice.

[1997] Right.

[1998] I don't notice it.

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] You and my, again, legendary best friend of my life, Nate Tuck.

[2001] Yeah.

[2002] There's a similarity between you two.

[2003] He doesn't notice any of you.

[2004] He lived with a guy that had Tourette's.

[2005] Right.

[2006] And he had no clue.

[2007] And then I met this guy.

[2008] and I was hip to it in one second and then I asked him about it later and he didn't know what I was talking about and then at some point his roommate explained to him he had it and then he came to me and he's like you were right and I was like I don't know how and that's a great quality I'd say you and I've had this a ton of times we'd watch interview shows we were watching one interview show and I couldn't not be aware the fact that the person had a tongue that was like three times the size of a normal tongue yeah and you didn't see it still don't see it but then I paused it and I think you did acknowledge it I mean you're a little mad at me you thought I was like making fun of them well I think I thought like I mean I'm sure it's out of my own insecurity I'm like if he's noticing that okay that makes sense he's noticing everything wrong with me well let me tell you something for the record I'm noticing everything you know that about me yeah I don't miss a thing that's uncomfortable because it's like okay so I guess but I've noticed you something everything and I adore you.

[2009] So what's the problem?

[2010] I just, I don't know.

[2011] You should feel safer around me than other people because I'm not ever going to discover something about you.

[2012] I clocked at all in the first five minutes we met.

[2013] You know, like some people, like, they'll date someone after like six months a day and they're like, oh my God, I didn't realize he had a list, but it's starting to get on my nerves.

[2014] You hear this stuff all the time.

[2015] Oh, I didn't realize he always scratched his ear or whatever.

[2016] You know, people, you hear this stuff.

[2017] There'll be no surprise for me. Like, I meet someone.

[2018] I'm like, the Terminator, like, zz, scanning, zz, And we just had a guest on it.

[2019] And he sat down, remember, and I saw him scanning this room in a way that was so specific.

[2020] I knew it so well.

[2021] And guaranteed he got everything about you, about Rob and me. He got it all.

[2022] I understand what you're saying.

[2023] I'm just telling you from this side of it, that does not feel safe to me. That doesn't feel good to think that someone is hyper aware of all my flaws.

[2024] It's not flaws.

[2025] It's just you and your totality.

[2026] Just like I observe your short.

[2027] Everyone's going to observe your short, right?

[2028] Someone did recently just really observe it.

[2029] Oh, they did?

[2030] I mean, in a nice way, but.

[2031] Someone that met you.

[2032] Yeah, she was like, oh my God, you are so small in person.

[2033] Yeah, that's wonderful.

[2034] I think that's one of your best qualities, to be honest.

[2035] That's fine.

[2036] You can notice that.

[2037] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[2038] Like, for you, there's some distinction between you would notice that the guests we were talking about.

[2039] Like, if I asked you right now what color of their skin was, you remember.

[2040] We both remember.

[2041] Yeah.

[2042] Like you get that It doesn't mean anything about you You just you saw it But the tongue thing was not that Yes it is you just see it Like I see that the skin is this color I see that the height is this I see that the tongue is 3x I see that the eye is blue Like you had to comment on it In the same way that if the person had been 6 foot 4 I would comment on it Right I guess yeah I mean there's I'm not But you were like he can't keep it in his mouth Well hold on you did say that he was having a hard time.

[2043] What you think it was me making fun of him was me actually being really compassionate to him because I was recognizing he has an enormous tongue and he has to work at it.

[2044] Yes, it was literally out of compassion.

[2045] I was like, this is this dude's cross to bear.

[2046] Yeah, I didn't think you were making fun.

[2047] Like, that's not the right phrase.

[2048] I didn't think you were making fun of him, but I did think you were being hypercritical of him.

[2049] That was sort of, I guess.

[2050] And I think I was being hyper -observant.

[2051] Yeah, exactly.

[2052] But the cross -eyed, I was like, well, maybe I'm just not looking at people's eyes.

[2053] That could be a bad.

[2054] And that's bad.

[2055] Let's back up.

[2056] You have terrible sight.

[2057] I do.

[2058] I mean, that's a huge part of this.

[2059] It is.

[2060] Like, more probably than you know.

[2061] Like, when you're looking at the person in the eyes talking, you're probably seeing a little bit of blurriness.

[2062] Probably.

[2063] Right.

[2064] So you need that acuteness to diagnose these things.

[2065] I would just want you to leave this conversation.

[2066] knowing my intentions, which are like, I'm not trying to look for things that are bad about people to feel better about myself.

[2067] I know.

[2068] Again, that's what I'm saying.

[2069] It's not to be mean.

[2070] Those are great socks.

[2071] Thank you.

[2072] I thought you might like them because you like cool socks.

[2073] Yeah, and those are really cool.

[2074] They look like grandpas.

[2075] They're blue with stripes, but it's blurry, which I like.

[2076] You wouldn't know that.

[2077] These are actually blurry.

[2078] You've probably come to think that anything blurry is actually.

[2079] This is just normal.

[2080] Right.

[2081] And then I love the brown with the blue and white.

[2082] and then the off white on the heel are green.

[2083] Oh, my God, those are great.

[2084] Thank you.

[2085] I don't think you are doing it to make yourself feel good about yourself or to, like, put people down.

[2086] I think it's just the way your brain works, just like it's just the way my brain works that I don't notice.

[2087] Right.

[2088] It's just that it's just what it is.

[2089] Yeah, exactly.

[2090] I don't make an effort.

[2091] No, I know that.

[2092] It's just all happening to me. Yes, I know.

[2093] Okay.

[2094] Who is the longest running?

[2095] S &L female cast member.

[2096] I think Rachel Dratch was probably the record holder.

[2097] Let's see.

[2098] 10 longest running S &L cast members.

[2099] Okay.

[2100] That'll help us.

[2101] Yeah, well.

[2102] Okay.

[2103] Kevin Neal in nine years.

[2104] Tim Meadows nine years.

[2105] Cecily Strong nine years.

[2106] Okay.

[2107] 80 Bryant nine years.

[2108] Kate McKinnon nine years.

[2109] Al Franken, 11 years.

[2110] Fred Armisen, 11 years.

[2111] Seth Myers, 13.

[2112] Darryl Hammond, 14.

[2113] Keenan 18.

[2114] I forgot about that.

[2115] I mean, that's the top 10.

[2116] Okay, so there's a few females who are at 9.

[2117] I just got to find out really quick how long Rachel Dratch was on because now it's just driving minutes.

[2118] Well, only seven years.

[2119] 99 to 2006.

[2120] Keenan 18 years.

[2121] Good for him.

[2122] Fuck yeah.

[2123] Yeah.

[2124] That's all.

[2125] I loved Molly.

[2126] I would like to say that.

[2127] That was incredible.

[2128] I really liked her.

[2129] She also had such a good energy, really kind.

[2130] Yeah, very playful.

[2131] Very playful.

[2132] Yeah, I love the masturbation thing.

[2133] That's the first time we ever had that.

[2134] That's great.

[2135] And remember she kept calling herself fat?

[2136] Yes, so peculiar.

[2137] In her fantasy.

[2138] Like, yeah, she'd get yelled at, you fat pig.

[2139] Yeah.

[2140] It's so weird.

[2141] I mean, weird in a good way.

[2142] We are all so weird.

[2143] Yes.

[2144] We're just.

[2145] Ding, ding, ding from the Thursday episode.

[2146] We're weird people.

[2147] That's right.

[2148] something.

[2149] Western, educated, industrialized.

[2150] What's hard?

[2151] Because Democratic.

[2152] Rich.

[2153] Rich, Democratic.

[2154] And a kid.

[2155] That's what he should say after that list.

[2156] Western, educated, industrial, rich, democratic, any cat.

[2157] Oh.

[2158] Last thing I want to say.

[2159] I didn't update you on this yet.

[2160] Oh.

[2161] I saw a movie while I was in.

[2162] England.

[2163] What'd you see?

[2164] The unbearable weight of massive talent, whatever, the Nicholas Cage movie.

[2165] You did?

[2166] It's awesome.

[2167] Is it?

[2168] It's awesome.

[2169] It's awesome.

[2170] It's awesome.

[2171] And I love him even more.

[2172] And he had me screaming with laughter.

[2173] Oh my God.

[2174] There is so, there's the finest line between he and Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell.

[2175] He's a dramatic actor, but his level of commitment And for a whole career Totally Is literally unparalleled Because he, like he's making the most insane choices And they're real He never doesn't land these choices There's one point I doubt I can do it But he's like He talks to himself in the movie His younger version of himself Keeps popping up And like challenging him to be what he's supposed to be And he's like no I don't want to do this I don't want to do this And his younger self is like You're Nick Mother Al Cage Wow But it's about 10 times that.

[2176] And it goes on for a minute and it's incredible.

[2177] Oh, my goodness, gracious.

[2178] He's such an artist.

[2179] Oh, my God.

[2180] I love you.

[2181] Love you.

[2182] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[2183] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[2184] Before you go, tell us about yourself by complete.

[2185] a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.