Brazilian Butt Lift

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hi, Ahmed, meet Conan, Sona, and hi, I'm Matt.

[5] Wow, that was weird.

[6] Yeah, hey.

[7] Hi, Matt.

[8] Hey, Ahmed, I apologize for Matt's sort of weird introduction.

[9] And I'm Matt.

[10] I didn't realize we were a children's show today.

[11] Ahmed, tell us about yourself.

[12] Oh, you're wearing a surgical smock.

[13] Tell us about yourself.

[14] I have already great respect for you.

[15] Thank you.

[16] Give us the Ahmed biography, Ahmed.

[17] Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you for having me on the show.

[18] I'm a huge fan of yours, Sona, and more recently, Matt.

[19] I've been following you for pretty much 22 years since I came here for college in the year 2000.

[20] I was in UMass Amherst, and that was actually the first place that I lived in in the U .S. I did my college there at U .S. Amherst, finished in 2003, and then basically worked for three years at the Dana -Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, which I'm sure you're aware of Conan being a Boston local.

[21] Yes.

[22] My father worked at Brigham and Women's Hospital.

[23] That's right.

[24] Yeah, until he was caught embezzling.

[25] They threw him out the back door like a ventriloquist dummy.

[26] He crashed into some trash cans, picked himself up, and went to the nearest bar.

[27] None of that's true, but I'll just want to get the word out there.

[28] Well, I may have been part of that whole embezzan one thing, but we'll keep it.

[29] Keep it quiet.

[30] Yes, he did say he had an accomplice who would remain nameless.

[31] And then he did say occasionally curse you, Ahmed.

[32] But who knows?

[33] I never really listened to my dad.

[34] So, okay, well, that's nice.

[35] And you watched the show back in the day.

[36] That's when you became a fan back in the olden days.

[37] Long before I knew Sona, or goarly, you were a fan.

[38] So that's established, excuse me. Sorry.

[39] Sorry, we just established that your initial attraction was to me. And now these others have clung on.

[40] That's absolutely true.

[41] That's absolutely true.

[42] That's nice that you were watching the old schick.

[43] You clearly have a great sense of humor, Ahmed.

[44] I appreciate it.

[45] That's a huge thing coming from you.

[46] Well, I only said it because you said you're a fan of mine.

[47] So I was complimenting myself.

[48] You see what I was doing there, Ahmed?

[49] I in no way complimented you.

[50] I basically pretended to compliment you.

[51] you, but just showered myself with praise.

[52] Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not a fan either.

[53] I just said that because I'm on the show.

[54] Damn.

[55] The student has become the master.

[56] You're very good, Ahmed.

[57] So that's cool.

[58] So, I mean, this is a huge, where did you come?

[59] You told me, I think you may have mentioned where you came from.

[60] Which part of the world did you come?

[61] I'm from Egypt.

[62] You're from Egypt.

[63] I'm from Egypt originally.

[64] So you came from Egypt.

[65] That's a massive, to go from Egypt to Boston, I can't, imagine a more drastic and dramatic shift in your life.

[66] That must have been crazy.

[67] How did you, how did you adapt?

[68] Yeah.

[69] So actually, you know, I'm from Egypt originally, but I lived in multiple places around the world.

[70] I was actually born in Egypt and lived in Malta for the first five years of my life, then back to Egypt for a couple of years.

[71] And then Saudi Arabia, where my parents worked both my dad's a plastic surgeon himself and my mom's a pediatrician.

[72] They worked there.

[73] and then eventually we immigrated.

[74] I came here in 2000 for college.

[75] But when I came here, I came to UMass Amherst, and that was quite the culture shock because, as you may know, it's a big school.

[76] There's a lot going there.

[77] And for someone who hasn't lived in the U .S. before, that was a big culture shock.

[78] I love UMass, but it's a big party school otherwise.

[79] Were they welcoming to you?

[80] Did they immediately show you how to use a bong and do a keg stand?

[81] all those things that are necessary if you're going to go to a party school?

[82] Well, basically, for someone who was basically a science nerd, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't go to parties, there wasn't much for them to show me. But, you know, I was sort of like the boring guy there.

[83] We could have been friends, Ahmed.

[84] That's right.

[85] You just described me in college.

[86] I ran it.

[87] I mean, I ran this insane comedy magazine where everybody was an alcoholic.

[88] I didn't drink.

[89] I didn't smoke.

[90] I, you know, it was a Boy Scout.

[91] So we should have, it's too bad.

[92] In another world, we would have hung out together.

[93] Absolutely.

[94] It would have been best friends.

[95] Well, let's not get crazy.

[96] Okay, fine.

[97] Sorry.

[98] You would have ditched me eventually, Ahmed.

[99] So let's cut to the chase.

[100] Ahmed, you're a very impressive person, but you're a plastic surgeon.

[101] And this is fascinating because I think you can see me pretty well, and you've had a good gander at me over the years.

[102] were I to have some plastic surgery I'm not saying I'm going to but let's say I was going to have plastic surgery and you were going to do it for free these are all just what ifs we're not saying anything although I see you nodding which is kind of an oral agreement and keep in mind that this is for free so you can give him the budget level work yeah yeah you can you can use plastic spoons to do the work and plastic wrap Yeah.

[103] No, but what did you suggest, or should I leave well enough alone?

[104] I've always heard comedians need to use their face and have a certain elasticity.

[105] So I've left this masterpiece alone, but what do you think?

[106] You called it a masterpiece.

[107] Well, I'm sorry, I was just borrowing a phrase Ahmed was about to use about me. I don't know if he was.

[108] Because I'm going to see him to.

[109] That's right.

[110] I think he's compiling a list of things he would give you.

[111] Erronymus Bosch.

[112] Going.

[113] Tell me, Ahmed, what would you do?

[114] What would you do?

[115] If I came in and I said, Help me, Doc.

[116] Help me with me kisser.

[117] Let's start with some of your speech first.

[118] Yeah.

[119] Why am I talking like a 1930s guy from Brooklyn?

[120] Hey, yeah, Doc.

[121] Help me with my kisser.

[122] You got to help me. You got to help me fix me melon.

[123] What would you tell me to do, Ahmed?

[124] Well, going back to your episode with the David statue that you said you would change to become you, So you are the standard of beauty.

[125] Thank you.

[126] I don't think there's much to change because you have become the standard of beauty, right?

[127] I'm the canon of beauty.

[128] Yes, yes.

[129] But, but, you know, in a theoretical world, I did study some of your later videos, your recent videos.

[130] Boo.

[131] I think, you know.

[132] Nature has been, time has been cruel to me, Ahmed.

[133] Time has been cruel.

[134] You know, I think a blufferoplasty or a little eyelid, upper eyelid, you know, nip -tuck would be good.

[135] What does that do?

[136] Some Botox in the forehead.

[137] So, you know, what we can do is come in and get some of the skin above in your upper eyelid, and we can trim some of that so it's not, you know.

[138] Skin in the upper eyelid.

[139] Are you noticing, is there maybe everyone's, yeah, get in there close.

[140] As everyone's starting to notice and doesn't have the guts to tell me, goarly, Asona, when I come in, do you see tons of folded skin on my upper eyelids?

[141] No, but if that's how you're going to end up looking after this procedure, I would they maybe don't.

[142] Oh, I don't know.

[143] Yeah, I mean, here's my concern.

[144] I'm going to stay employed.

[145] Yeah, what if, okay, and what about you said Botox in the forehead area?

[146] Yeah, that would treat those right -eds or wrinkles, those lines in the forehead.

[147] Basically, it paralyzes the muscle that we have in the forehead.

[148] You can't do that.

[149] See, that's the problem.

[150] Here's the problem we're getting into, Ahmed.

[151] I mean, let's be honest, as a comedian, no one ever hired me to be the best looking guy in the room or the youngest looking guy in the room.

[152] They hired me for my ability to make them laugh.

[153] And I've always thought, well, if I start getting work done, isn't that going to freeze this very expressive visage that I have?

[154] That's your moneymaker.

[155] It's your bread and butter, and it looks good.

[156] I got another money maker I'll tell you about it.

[157] Can you do something about the I vase?

[158] Oh, oh, oh, thank you, Sona.

[159] I have a very prominent eye vein.

[160] And the main vein?

[161] I know that.

[162] Okay, let's take about it.

[163] Let's settle down there.

[164] You always go to the cock lately, and I don't know what's going on at home.

[165] Was that the cock?

[166] I thought he was thinking about killing you.

[167] You thought about the cock.

[168] What are you doing?

[169] All I think about is the cock.

[170] When Gurley's around, that's where my mind goes.

[171] I don't know why.

[172] But no, listen, I have, Ahmed, Ahmed, I have a prominent blue vein that runs under my right eye.

[173] And because my skin is, to use a certain medical term, completely translucent.

[174] I'm like the statue of the visible woman.

[175] You can see this vein all the time.

[176] And I was thinking, you know, in the past I thought, what if I got it removed, but it turns out it's feeding blood to my cerebral cortex.

[177] So I've not meddled with it.

[178] What would you do about that eye vein?

[179] Well, I feel like that I vein might be the area that controls making fun of Sona.

[180] Yes.

[181] No, then we got to get that out.

[182] We must put that out.

[183] Yeah, you're right.

[184] We got to get it out.

[185] There goes my, that is my, that's my moneymaker.

[186] That's my moneymaker right there.

[187] So other than I'm not going to get Botox, Ahmed, because I fear it from my profession.

[188] My plan is to just let this, this face.

[189] melt in front of America slowly, and sort of as an education to everybody that this is what happens to a corpse when it's left in the sun.

[190] How about lip injections?

[191] What?

[192] Oh, yeah.

[193] Limping ass injections.

[194] Oh, I want, you know what I want to get?

[195] I want to look like Lisa Rina.

[196] I want to look exactly.

[197] Yes.

[198] I want to look like Lisa Rina.

[199] I want to get those crazy lips.

[200] Wouldn't that be fantastic if I had those giant crazy?

[201] What would you do?

[202] Because I have, I don't have much lip right now.

[203] My mouth is more of like a, fillers.

[204] Let's get Lisa Rinna to do a transplant.

[205] Like you would a kidney.

[206] She gives you her lips.

[207] Yeah, I want Lisa Rinna and I on side -by -side operating tables.

[208] And I want her to say just before she goes under, I do this for Conan.

[209] And then when she wakes up, her lips are gone and I have Lisa Rinna's lips.

[210] And then I'm on, I'm one of the desperate housewives.

[211] Somehow I think I would lose my license on that.

[212] Wow, that's it.

[213] I mean, okay.

[214] Because the lip, oh, that's another thing.

[215] I have no ass to speak of.

[216] I keep coming up with more.

[217] No, literally, Sona just keeps, she has a, look, she has a list like Santa's list.

[218] It just goes and goes and goes.

[219] I have no butt.

[220] And it's a curse.

[221] It's in my family.

[222] None of the men have any butt.

[223] so our pants just are always falling off and it's a straight drop from my shoulder right down to my heel.

[224] There's nothing there to interrupt the drop.

[225] A little tiny man could jump off my shoulder and he would fall straight down to commit suicide and he would hit right near my foot.

[226] A carpenter's plum.

[227] Yeah, oh, no, I've done it.

[228] I had carpenters come in once and they hung a carpenter's plum and it went straight down.

[229] And I had one...

[230] It doesn't sound like those were carpenters, by the way, but sure.

[231] No, they weren't carpenters.

[232] And you know what?

[233] They gave me a massage, and then they filmed it.

[234] Yeah, yeah.

[235] And now it's on Dutch television.

[236] I think you are the wrong people.

[237] Anyway, Ahmed, here's my question.

[238] What could we do to fill that out?

[239] Because not only do I not have a butt, but I've described this before, it actually goes in a little bit.

[240] It's a little bit of a divot, and I, you can keep little, I keep knickknacks in there.

[241] It's just a little...

[242] It's like a shelf.

[243] You have a little concave?

[244] It's concave.

[245] It goes the other way.

[246] So is there something, or do I have to go to Brazil for that?

[247] Where do you go to get your butt enhanced?

[248] Can you do that?

[249] It is called a Brazilian butt lift.

[250] Really?

[251] So what a Brazilian butt lift, yeah, that's what it's called.

[252] And what that does is you take fat by liposuction from other areas of the body and you can inject that into the buttocks in the superficial areas that are right underneath the skin.

[253] And you have to be very careful because they've done incorrectly, it can be very dangerous.

[254] It can lead to bad complications.

[255] Okay.

[256] Well, I've got the best in you, Ahmed, and you're going to be my – I don't know if you're going to do this.

[257] Hey, Ahmed, could you take Lisa Renna's lips and put them on my ass?

[258] Yes.

[259] And can you do this remotely where Sona and I will do the procedure, but you talk us through it.

[260] Yeah.

[261] Yeah.

[262] We'll do it over Zoom.

[263] This is actually something that I've been fantasizing about is – Lisa Renna's – Wait, Lisa Rinnis lips on my ass?

[264] You've heard it here.

[265] What's your problem on, Ed?

[266] You're waking up.

[267] Honey, honey, what is it?

[268] That dream where Lisa Rinnis lips are on Conan's ass.

[269] No. Wake up, on Ed.

[270] Wake up.

[271] Snap out of it.

[272] I wanted to actually play the yes and game with you where you are my co -surgeon and we are operating on a patient.

[273] Okay, let's do it.

[274] And let's do it.

[275] Okay.

[276] So we're going in.

[277] All right.

[278] Operating on someone.

[279] We're doing a tummy tuck, and you're my assistant.

[280] Okay.

[281] All right.

[282] So you leave me through it.

[283] Is that right?

[284] Yeah, but, you know, I want you to go wild with it.

[285] Okay.

[286] You know, I'll go along.

[287] Doctor, the patient is scrubbed and ready to go.

[288] I've opened the sheet and the abdomen is exposed.

[289] Conan, I told you not to drink coffee in the OR.

[290] It's very dangerous to operate while you're drinking coffee.

[291] It's okay.

[292] I still have one hand free.

[293] And this is an incredible Starbucks latte that I got.

[294] It's actually got caramel in it and some whipped cream.

[295] It's amazing.

[296] And oops, you're right.

[297] Oh, darn it.

[298] You're right.

[299] I shouldn't have.

[300] I told you.

[301] I know, and it went in the wound.

[302] It went in the wound.

[303] That's okay.

[304] She won't know about it.

[305] No, I know.

[306] Let me see if I can slurp it out.

[307] I got it.

[308] There we go.

[309] Anyway, doctor.

[310] Oh, doctor, we're losing the patient.

[311] What do we do?

[312] quick, give him the latte infusion.

[313] Okay, latte infusion beginning.

[314] Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[315] The patient is back.

[316] Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[317] Yeah, it's a high calf.

[318] Conan, do mouth to mouse, please.

[319] Okay.

[320] Oh my God, it's Lisa Rina.

[321] I didn't look at her face when we started this procedure.

[322] But if you say mouth to mouth, she's okay.

[323] Okay now.

[324] Everything's all right.

[325] She's fine.

[326] By the way, that's my version of mouth to mouth.

[327] But on Lisa Rinnah, that's what it would sound like.

[328] We're just, doctor, I think you should begin the surgery.

[329] Are you going to remove the tummy fat?

[330] Yes, we're going to remove that.

[331] As we've both trained on this before, we're going to stick it together with bubble gum at the end.

[332] Have you started chewing the bubble gum?

[333] Yes, I have, doctor.

[334] Yep, Dr. Bubble gum is all ready.

[335] It's double bubble.

[336] It's watermelon flavored and it's all ready to go.

[337] Let me put it in the resected area.

[338] Gloop, gloop, gloop, gloop.

[339] There we go, doctor.

[340] Are you ready to push it together so it's sealed by the bubblegum?

[341] That was very well executed, Conan.

[342] I've just promoted you to co -surgeon.

[343] You started as my resident.

[344] You are now my co -surgeon.

[345] Hey, congrats.

[346] That's fantastic.

[347] Thank you very much, Ahmed.

[348] It's an honor to be working with you.

[349] Hold on.

[350] Let me dry the gum with a hair dryer.

[351] A hairdryer or the Mormon tabernacle car.

[352] What's a good hairdriar?

[353] Well, Ahmed, I know I should know your last name, but I don't.

[354] It's right there on his surgeon smock.

[355] Who has time to read?

[356] It's Nassar.

[357] Dr. Nassar, it's been an honor working with you, and to be your co -surgeon is one of the great privileges of my life.

[358] And thank you so much.

[359] I've just fulfilled a lifetime dream of doing some improv with you.

[360] I think we did beautiful improv together.

[361] Ahmed, it was lovely to get to talk to you.

[362] You seem like a very cool guy.

[363] You really do.

[364] Do you have a question for me before I go?

[365] Or have we covered everything?

[366] I do.

[367] It's a little bit close to what we covered.

[368] But if you were to choose one main area of your body to do big surgery on plastic surgery, what area would it be and can I do it?

[369] Yes.

[370] Well, I'll answer the second one first.

[371] Yes.

[372] You are now the only plastic surgeon I've really consulted with.

[373] And yes, you are going to be the one to do it.

[374] Let's see.

[375] What would I have done?

[376] That's a really good question.

[377] I think we did answer it.

[378] Don't you want an ass?

[379] I want an ass.

[380] Don't you want an ass?

[381] I want an ass, but I'd also, it's a couple of things.

[382] It's a laundry list.

[383] I want that I vein to be covered up somewhat, but I don't know what to do about it.

[384] I think you're perfect.

[385] Thanks a lot.

[386] Peck implants.

[387] Would you knock it off?

[388] Jesus.

[389] I mean, I think you look great.

[390] It's your personality I'm concerned about.

[391] I can't do anything about that.

[392] Matt brings up a good point until you can find me a personality surgeon.

[393] I might be screwed.

[394] But, you know, it was so cool talking to you.

[395] And I will keep you in the back of my mind because God knows things are rotting quickly on me. and I'll always need a good plastic surgeon out there.

[396] So where do you live now, Ahmed, so I can find you?

[397] I'm in Somerset, New Jersey.

[398] Okay, let's forget that.

[399] I'm not going to Jersey.

[400] I'm never going to Jersey.

[401] I've got some old people there want to settle some scores with me. Anyway, take care, Ahmed, and thank you very much.

[402] Really cool talking to you.

[403] Thank you very, very much, Conan.

[404] Thank you, Matt.

[405] Bye.

[406] See you.

[407] Bye.

[408] Time dream.

[409] Thank you.

[410] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[411] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley.

[412] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[413] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[414] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[415] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[416] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[417] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bechton.

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