Armchair Anonymous: Workplace Poop

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair.

[4] Anonymous.

[5] Do I say armchair expert or not?

[6] No. Because I say armchair expert, experts on expert on the other one.

[7] Yeah, no. At what point is it not cute and charming that we can't figure this out?

[8] Is this the last time?

[9] I think this is, all right.

[10] So I'm calling it right now.

[11] Okay.

[12] The next intro to Armchared Anonymous, you hear is going to be bulletproof.

[13] Okay, already, though, you've now said armchair and armchared.

[14] I did.

[15] We have to pick right now.

[16] What is it?

[17] Armchared Anonymous.

[18] Okay.

[19] Is that not what I've been saying?

[20] No. No. It's the last time, though.

[21] No. This is the last time, though.

[22] Enjoy it.

[23] This is the last folly.

[24] Armchair Anonymous.

[25] This is a good time to have a folly because it's a poop episode.

[26] And that's not just a poop episode.

[27] It's a workplace poop episode.

[28] The stakes couldn't be higher.

[29] We were sweating.

[30] This is the most scared I've ever felt while we were interviewing people.

[31] I know.

[32] You know what?

[33] I'm going to throw this out there.

[34] We might want to consider wearing heart monitors, getting heart monitors and wearing them.

[35] And then just tracking the data, Rob, throughout the episode.

[36] Because I swear to you, there was a moment in this episode where my heart rate had to be 160.

[37] I was panicked for the hallway.

[38] I don't know what yours was.

[39] Blockbuster.

[40] Blockbuster, yeah.

[41] By the way, too, if you're just nostalgic for Blockbuster, good news.

[42] Oh, you're going to love this.

[43] Yes.

[44] Or Wendy's chilly.

[45] Either or.

[46] Tell us about an untimely, unauthorized evacuation in your pants while on the job or at work.

[47] Unauthorized evacuation.

[48] It's such a polite way to say, did you shoot your pants?

[49] It is.

[50] Oh, no, what happened?

[51] Did you have an unauthorized evacuation?

[52] Yeah.

[53] Okay.

[54] It's how a boss should ask.

[55] Yes.

[56] We understand you've had an unauthorized evacuation and nothing to be.

[57] embarrassed about it happens to most of us generally not at work but here we are to one percent of us do we have a game plan to prevent it from happening again that's the most respectful way so if you're an employer this is a great service announcement PSA if you're an employer one of your employees has an unauthorized evacuation please treat it as such and talk about it in that way with that respect politely please enjoy all times come and go take them slow you got to know I'm gonna keep on shiny.

[58] This is like I'm spying on you guys.

[59] This is great.

[60] Hi.

[61] I should have just let you keep going.

[62] You should have.

[63] Yeah.

[64] Can we call you Dan for this?

[65] Yeah, it's awful, but, uh...

[66] Look, some of the best stories involved this subject matter.

[67] First of all, you are either sitting in front of someone else's bookcase or you're a learned man. These are all, like, trashy fiction books.

[68] I still respect a reader, whatever it is.

[69] Unless there was maybe a floor to ceiling, Us magazine.

[70] They're hidden inside the hard covers.

[71] I got all my, like, in touch weekly and stuff.

[72] But we're here to talk about shit in your pants.

[73] Yeah, we are.

[74] So can you set the stage for us for what happened?

[75] Sure.

[76] So this was back in 1999.

[77] I was 18 and I worked in Blockbuster video up in Marion, Ohio.

[78] So it's remote.

[79] I already love this.

[80] I know.

[81] It's already a great place to shit your pants.

[82] I've been so many people have shit their pants in Blockbuster in Calcutable.

[83] And my buddy Sam had got me the job and he was 18 and he was an assistant manager.

[84] I was right out of high.

[85] high school, so I was working night shifts.

[86] And a Saturday night at Blockbuster, 99 was packed.

[87] Yeah.

[88] Especially in like Marion, Ohio, there's nothing else to do.

[89] So I would get 30 minutes for lunch and across the street, the only thing that was around, I won't say the name of the place, but it was a fast food joint, very famous, and it's got chili on the menu.

[90] Every day, I decided I was like, I'm not going to eat a bunch of hamburgers of French fries.

[91] I'm just going to get chili.

[92] It'll be healthier.

[93] And so I ate it every day for four or five months.

[94] Every time I went to lunch, I'd run over.

[95] I'd grab Wendy's chili.

[96] I'd get the hot sauce packet.

[97] squeezed the whole thing in there and I thought I was making great choices.

[98] Saturday night, I'm up at the register and the line is super long and everyone that's in line at Blockbuster hates you.

[99] No one is happy to be there.

[100] It takes forever.

[101] You have to check their rental fees and everyone always has a late fee.

[102] A lot of time my frustration was based on the fact that A, they didn't have what I wanted.

[103] I'm also stepping up to the register with third fourth choice.

[104] Yeah, you're like getting space buddies or something like that.

[105] So it's packed.

[106] It's all the way back to the back of the store.

[107] It's a very long store.

[108] It's like narrow and long.

[109] I'm helping this guy and I feel this weird wetness my stock.

[110] Had you been letting farts squeak out?

[111] No, nothing.

[112] Oh my God.

[113] This is my worst nightmare.

[114] There's a zero warning situation.

[115] I have no idea anything's going on.

[116] And you wear those shirts tucked in to your khaki pants.

[117] And I had these khaki corduroys.

[118] But I feel this sensation on my sock.

[119] I'm trying to help the guy.

[120] I'm like, did I step in something?

[121] Something splashed me. And so I kind of just reached down and lift my leg and touch it.

[122] And I look at my fingers.

[123] And they're covered in this almost fluorescent orange oil.

[124] Oh, my.

[125] My goodness.

[126] Like the oil that settles on top of a chili.

[127] Yes, yes.

[128] I have no idea what it is.

[129] So then I'm really confused and I look back at my pants and I see down the thread of my corduroys an orange streak.

[130] And then I start to feel it because I couldn't feel it at all before.

[131] And I feel like a strange dripping off like my butt cheek onto like the back of my pants.

[132] And I realized that something very bad is happening.

[133] I'm starting to really panic because I've got this huge group of people.

[134] Oh, my God.

[135] My buddy Sam has this huge group of people.

[136] I look over at him and I was like, hey, Sam, I got to use the restroom.

[137] And he just kind of doesn't even really look at me. And he goes, no, you got this big line.

[138] You got to deal with people.

[139] Is it starting to smell?

[140] Yes, it's getting gross.

[141] I'm sure the person in front of me could tell something was happening, but probably didn't know it was weird sludge coming from my butt.

[142] I'm noticing that it's intensifying.

[143] I can feel it slipping out through my cheeks and going down the back of my legs.

[144] So that's what's interesting, too.

[145] So it's active.

[146] Yeah.

[147] And you can't shut it down.

[148] I'm trying to clench anything I do.

[149] It doesn't matter.

[150] It's just seeping out of me. Does your stomach hurt?

[151] No, nothing felt weird.

[152] He feels great.

[153] There's no warnings whatsoever.

[154] I was very optimistic about the night.

[155] This is so strange.

[156] I look back again, and it's starting to really spread.

[157] Like in a movie when, like, someone gets shot and they show their dress shirt.

[158] And it's like spreading down the back of both my legs now.

[159] And I can feel like behind my knees.

[160] Lean over to say, I'm like, hey, I've got to go to the bathroom.

[161] And he finally looks over.

[162] at me and sees it.

[163] And he's like, go, go, go.

[164] So he tells everyone in the two lines, he goes, I'm going to need everyone from that line to merge into this one, which causes chaos.

[165] Sure.

[166] No one's happy.

[167] Now it's like a Black Friday sale inside a blockbuster.

[168] Oh, my God.

[169] And they're just looking up at us, and they're looking at me who's standing there like an idiot wondering, well, why is this kid helping me?

[170] So then I'm solely focused on, I don't know what's happy to me. It's really gross.

[171] And I'm super embarrassed.

[172] And then I realize I have to get to the bathroom.

[173] Yeah.

[174] That's all I'm thinking about.

[175] From the second you told me this story, I'm like, how do you back your way towards the bathroom?

[176] It's all the way in the back and I have to pass everyone.

[177] No, no, no, no. So I decide the best method would be just to walk very calmly.

[178] And I quickly abandoned that because as I'm going, people are turning their head and being angry and they're seeing what's happening.

[179] Oh, oh my God.

[180] And you're like a cute 18 -year -old.

[181] I'm like a buck 45.

[182] My ears and teeth are the same size, but my head's about 20 % smaller.

[183] Like men in black character?

[184] Yeah.

[185] And so people are turning to look at me and some people are laughing.

[186] Some people are visibly and audibly disgusted.

[187] And I'm running and I get back into the bathroom.

[188] I rip my pants off.

[189] And the first thing you do is just look in the mirror at it.

[190] And my skin is just stained and it's all over.

[191] It's orange.

[192] I quickly get on the toilet.

[193] I'm like, okay, I'll force this out.

[194] And so I try that.

[195] Doesn't help.

[196] There's no control over it.

[197] And now it's like dripping at a kind of.

[198] Right.

[199] I'm cleaning with toilet paper.

[200] I used, like, every roll of toilet paper.

[201] I tried stuffing, which wasn't effective.

[202] Sure, like a makeshift tampon.

[203] And so I'm in there for about two and a half hours.

[204] And it's finally stopped.

[205] Did Sam ever knock on the door and say, like, do you need pants and stuff?

[206] Why didn't he say go home?

[207] Well, he couldn't go home.

[208] Yeah, I'm totally trapped.

[209] Because it's leaky.

[210] It's active.

[211] As I said, it's active.

[212] You could have brought you a diaper.

[213] Well, short of that.

[214] But then he would have to leave the stuff.

[215] and then it'll be total chaos.

[216] Oh, my God.

[217] He knocks on the door.

[218] He's gotten his line out.

[219] He's asked me if I'm okay, and I'm like, something has happened.

[220] I don't know what it is.

[221] And my pants are fucked.

[222] I don't have any other pants.

[223] Yeah, of course not.

[224] Yeah.

[225] I have to like pat them down with paper towels, but I just booked it out of there and I drove the 40 minutes home to my house.

[226] And he never once said anything to me about.

[227] I think if I would have had like actual diarrhea and just like blasted out of shit, I would have never lived down.

[228] But because he thought something medical was happening.

[229] He just never mentioned it.

[230] medical was happening to you.

[231] I mean, this is, this hasn't ever happened to you again, has it?

[232] Yeah.

[233] Oh, wow.

[234] Well, okay.

[235] I laid off the chili for a long time.

[236] And then I got a little older and I was in my 20s and I was like, it's really good.

[237] I told myself, I could do it again.

[238] It's not going to happen again, not to me. Luckily, I was at home, but it definitely happened again.

[239] The same exact thing.

[240] Well, your body's reacting strongly to some ingredients.

[241] It wasn't as bad and it happened sooner in my bench.

[242] So I feel like my body was like, I can get the shit out of here now.

[243] But it was probably the worst, most disgusting thing that's ever happened to be.

[244] Because look, I make no claim against Pellegrino.

[245] Everyone else is drinking it and it's a great product.

[246] It just something in Pellegrino for me will spell disaster.

[247] Well, we should get together, just drink a ton of Pellegrino and eat Wendy's chili.

[248] Bang back a couple quarts of Dave Thomas's finest chili.

[249] But it's weird that you had been eating it for five or six months and been fine.

[250] It hit critical mass. It's like it just built up in me. Until there was three hours worth a slow drip.

[251] The dam broke that just came out.

[252] Oh, well, Dan, that is a nightmare.

[253] That line, the chaos of Blockbuster, knowing you have to walk through the sea of people that are now like, why is this asshole taking a break at this moment in time?

[254] This is so stressful.

[255] And then it's on your side.

[256] Did you tell your parents when you got home?

[257] I feel like I would have needed a hug from my mom.

[258] Like, I would have been emotionally tore up from that.

[259] I told my best friend, like, years later, and then he tries to get me to tell everyone that I meet with him.

[260] So, like, I met his fiance.

[261] It was like, you got to tell her the Wendy's Chili story.

[262] And I was like, hi, I'm Dan.

[263] I wouldn't preface it that way, though.

[264] I would say, hey, Dan, will you tell them the Blockbuster store?

[265] Yes.

[266] Wouldn't you?

[267] The Blockbuster element makes it excruciating.

[268] The only thing worse is if your crush was in line that day.

[269] Yeah.

[270] Or you worked with your crush.

[271] Thank God was another dude that was the manager.

[272] You can show back up to work to see another dude.

[273] But if a woman had been your manager, you'd never come back.

[274] Especially at that time because you're so insecure about your body being weird.

[275] And, you know, I look like a weird mouse.

[276] Yeah, it's so much going on.

[277] And then to have that on top of it, it's too much.

[278] Oh, no. I bet Sam was really traumatized.

[279] Sam also got a great story out of it.

[280] I mean, sure, that night he was bummed.

[281] But I bet he's also been telling that story.

[282] I like to think that the only way he can orgasm is if he thinks about that moment.

[283] Well, Dan, thank you for that gem of us.

[284] story.

[285] It was very stressful and like my heart rate was up.

[286] I wasn't expecting to be as panicked during these.

[287] Yeah, this is going to cause.

[288] We need a big old trigger warning on the top of this one.

[289] We appreciate your honesty.

[290] Yeah, Dan, thank you so much.

[291] Yeah, thank you guys.

[292] This has been great.

[293] It's so fun to see you guys in person.

[294] Monica, you are very miniature.

[295] That's fun.

[296] It's in real life.

[297] It's hard to know, right?

[298] Because I'm a giant and she's miniature.

[299] How much is which?

[300] I think that's what compounds the confusion.

[301] Sure.

[302] Yeah.

[303] Well, Dan, we appreciate your honesty and candor, and I'm glad that happened to you for our benefit.

[304] Yeah.

[305] Thanks, guys.

[306] All right, take care.

[307] Did you get a chai tea for Monica?

[308] Yeah, that's a decaf.

[309] Is it good?

[310] My coffee was gross.

[311] Hi!

[312] Hi there.

[313] You just got a review of our coffee order.

[314] I hope that's okay.

[315] Oh, perfect.

[316] I'll make a note.

[317] It was gross.

[318] I thought mine tasted like chai latte tea.

[319] It turns out it was decaf regular.

[320] It was terrible, and so was Monica's.

[321] Sorry to hear it.

[322] Ashley, can we use your real name?

[323] You can.

[324] Okay, wonderful.

[325] First of all, you have a very cute background.

[326] Yeah.

[327] I actually can't take credit for this background.

[328] My roommate has the good taste.

[329] You know, if it was me, it would be all blank walls.

[330] One only needs to link up with someone with good taste in life, and then you get it by proxy.

[331] You're about to tell a very brave story.

[332] I don't know why, but I'll say it is braver for a woman to tell these stories.

[333] Yeah, I agree.

[334] Societally, it's not fair.

[335] We love when a guy takes a dump in his pants.

[336] We can live with that.

[337] But when a woman does it, it's brave.

[338] Yeah, I was really glad you restricted the stories just to workplace because, unfortunately, like Dax, I do have more than one of these types of stories.

[339] Maybe I should revisit my diet or something.

[340] But it happened more than once.

[341] Oh, I love it.

[342] Great.

[343] We'd be fast friends.

[344] Okay, so where were you and what went down?

[345] So I'm a school teacher, and this was back in my very first year of teaching, which you can imagine what?

[346] first year of teaching is like huge, steep learning curve, very stressful.

[347] What grade?

[348] I was teaching ninth graders.

[349] Oh, this is serious.

[350] Yeah, this is already, if you were to say kindergartens, like, you could probably shit your pants, change yourself in front of them, and they wouldn't really know it was up.

[351] I'm just like you.

[352] Yeah.

[353] Yeah, exactly.

[354] But you're dealing with ninth graders first year, you're feeling overwhelmed and powerless.

[355] You're probably thinking you don't have the ability to do this.

[356] You're not that much older than them.

[357] Yeah, no, it's exactly that.

[358] So I don't know about you guys, but when I'm feeling anxious, I cope with it through hypervigilance and like over preparation.

[359] It was pretty common at the beginning of my teaching career that I would show up to even like two and a half hours early for school.

[360] Still dark out.

[361] I'm the first one on campus for hours.

[362] That's what was going on.

[363] One day on my morning commute, I was almost at the school and I started to get that hot face feeling.

[364] You might be familiar with of like, oh gosh, something's about to happen.

[365] Yeah.

[366] So I zoomed to campus, parked and went to the bathrooms.

[367] And they were locked.

[368] Oh, no. This has happened to me before.

[369] I get out of my car.

[370] I know the bathroom is, let's say, 35 seconds away.

[371] I start telling my body, my lower GI, 50 seconds, you're going to be able to unload.

[372] In a certain process starts when you've done that.

[373] That is exactly what was happening.

[374] I was like, oh, my gosh, freedom is gear.

[375] And then freedom was certainly not here.

[376] Oh, okay.

[377] So I was trying to evaluate my options because it was dark out.

[378] I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

[379] I had barely explored the neighborhood.

[380] was teaching in.

[381] I knew I couldn't get back home.

[382] That was not going to happen.

[383] There was not enough time.

[384] The only thing I could remember was that there was a gas station really close by the school.

[385] Head over to the gas station and ask the attendant and there's no bathrooms.

[386] You are losing precious time.

[387] I was like, tell me where the nearest bathroom is, please.

[388] And he could like see my panic.

[389] And he goes, when we have to go to the bathroom, we go to the laundromat across the way.

[390] I rush over to the laundromat and I ask the lady, first thing, I like, don't even say, hi, hello, how are you?

[391] I'm just like, where's the bathroom?

[392] The lady goes, the bathroom's only for customers.

[393] Oh, fuck.

[394] I'm telling you, this is an emergency.

[395] Like, it's either on your floor or in your bathroom.

[396] And she literally blocks my way and it's like, no, only for customers.

[397] I hate her.

[398] Well, I do too, but in her defense, she knows what's coming.

[399] You're about to paint the bathroom.

[400] Or the floor of her laundromat.

[401] I know, I know, I know.

[402] But it is a different proposition when someone comes in, they're kind of like pinching their penis or their vagina.

[403] And you're like, oh, they got to pee.

[404] Okay, wait a minute.

[405] But when you come in in, you're sweating bullets, and you're like, I need the bathroom.

[406] You know, like, oh, this human's about to go in there and get wild.

[407] That's exactly when you let someone in.

[408] Not somebody who's pinching their peens.

[409] But someone who has to clean that bathroom up, you're like, fuck that.

[410] Take that mess somewhere else.

[411] I hope you to hold down your pants and shit right in front of her.

[412] Hold on.

[413] Hold on, hold on.

[414] Okay.

[415] So, yeah, at that point, I'm obviously in like a full -blown panic.

[416] I'm experiencing, like, all the sweats, all the cramp thing.

[417] Get back to my car and I genuinely was like, if I take a shit in my back seat, can I deal with it later?

[418] What happens if I do that?

[419] Right, right.

[420] I went one time on the sidewalk on the side of the PCH because it was like, my options are my pants or this sidewalk.

[421] I'm going to pick the sidewalk.

[422] Yeah, I thought about it.

[423] I also was imagining my colleagues coming across like a giant pile of shit.

[424] Yeah.

[425] And there's cameras all over campus.

[426] Could be career ending.

[427] Okay, I got you.

[428] So I make my way back to campus because I really don't know where else to go.

[429] I'm just going to pray that the facilities manager showed up and the bathrooms are miraculously unlocked.

[430] Of course, they're not.

[431] By that time, a few colleagues had showed up, so they're, like, literally watching me, like, sweating bullets and blenching my butt cheeks, like, running towards my classroom.

[432] Did it across your mind, like, I got to get to my classroom, and I'm going to shit in the wastebasket.

[433] You are a great predictor of stories.

[434] No wonder you write them.

[435] That's exactly what happens.

[436] No. Of course.

[437] It's the least bad option.

[438] You have got no good options.

[439] Yep.

[440] But was it lined?

[441] Of course.

[442] Not of course.

[443] Well, yeah, because the janitor has to take the little plastic bag out of it.

[444] Okay.

[445] You run into your classroom and next thought is trash can.

[446] And then do I put my whole weight on it and use it like a toilet and will it collapse?

[447] Yep.

[448] Get to my classroom, pull down my pants, squat on it like a toilet, like a tiny, tiny little toilet.

[449] Okay, great.

[450] And I take care of business.

[451] It was definitely one of those moments where you kind of feel like you've floated above your own body and you're like watching yourself from above.

[452] I know it well.

[453] When you have that kind of an evacuation, there's such intense pain for so long that when it happens and there's relief, there's.

[454] There is euphoria and almost out of body.

[455] Definitely.

[456] It was definitely that.

[457] It was like equal parts, shame.

[458] I'm looking around at all my students' artifacts of their work and being like, if they only knew.

[459] Sure, sure, sure.

[460] Also, obviously, intense relief.

[461] So, yeah, then I realized that the tissues were all the way across the room.

[462] So I, like, shimmy with my pants down, go grab the tissues, tie the bag up.

[463] And then I had to very slyly take the bag full of my own shit to the dumpster, like in front of my colleagues.

[464] Did you put the bag of shit in your bag?

[465] that you could walk out.

[466] Or was the bag not translucent?

[467] It wasn't translucent.

[468] It was black.

[469] Oh, that's.

[470] You were saved.

[471] Okay.

[472] Because a lot of those are translucent.

[473] Then you would have had to put it in your bag, probably.

[474] Exactly.

[475] And so you got it out there and you got it into the dumpster and really no one ever said anything to you.

[476] Thankfully, no. I actually realized after the fact, during first period, I was looking around the room and remembered that there are cameras in every classroom that roll 24 hours a day.

[477] No. Oh, my God.

[478] So I spent a good few weeks just panicked that my principal would come to my room and be like come to my office immediately and i'd be fired on the spot i'm hoping it's like a digital file that's been deleted but there may be evidence out there somewhere but it is one of two things it's either no one which is most likely in my opinion saw this two if i'm a principal i have this young eager student she's nice i've met her she's getting to class early she wants to do great clearly this was a absolute panic she had to do this and I'm just going to pretend I never saw it.

[479] Either it was never seen or the person was like, I'm not going to punish this person.

[480] Life punished them.

[481] Yes, life punished them this morning.

[482] Yes.

[483] Wow.

[484] Thank you for sharing.

[485] I love that one.

[486] That one had a big buildup and it's making me feel very stressed.

[487] Yes.

[488] In a great way.

[489] Because you've known the pressure, right?

[490] We've all.

[491] It's this worst feeling in the world.

[492] I don't really know how you went to three locations before it all broke loose.

[493] I know.

[494] Yeah.

[495] There was some deep inner strength that I didn't know I had.

[496] You're a strong person.

[497] Last question.

[498] Do you think you had a little bit of food poisoning or was it a flu?

[499] Had you eaten something dicey on the way in?

[500] So like I said, this has not the first second or third time.

[501] Something like this happens.

[502] I think I just drank too much coffee.

[503] Thank you, we opened up this conversation talking about coffee.

[504] Yes.

[505] You know, when I'm hearing that story, are you getting it at all where I'm feeling like I'm going to shit my pants?

[506] So far.

[507] I had like two moments where I was like so much mirror neurons.

[508] were happening that I could feel discomfort.

[509] It's passed, but wow.

[510] Oh, wow.

[511] I'm glad I really brought it to life.

[512] Ashley, that was beautiful.

[513] I can't thank you enough for that.

[514] What a visual.

[515] What a tableau.

[516] A young earnest teacher sitting on her trash can in her classroom.

[517] Yeah.

[518] It's wonderful.

[519] I love it.

[520] All right.

[521] Well, thank you for talking to us.

[522] Yeah, that was awesome.

[523] All right.

[524] Thanks, guys.

[525] Take care.

[526] Did you know she's going to shit in her waistbasket?

[527] No. You thought it was going to be in her pants.

[528] Yeah.

[529] For a second, I thought it was.

[530] was just going to go away.

[531] Desk drawer would have been something else.

[532] No. We've all been there.

[533] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[534] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[535] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[536] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[537] It's called Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries.

[538] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[539] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[540] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[541] guys, it's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good, and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[542] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[543] And I don't mean just friends, I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[544] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[545] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[546] Hi.

[547] Hello.

[548] How are you guys?

[549] So good.

[550] Can we call you by your birth name?

[551] I guess we can go by Lay Lonnie.

[552] Wonderful.

[553] Let me ask a question to you and Monica.

[554] My belief or my suspicion is that you guys tell each other.

[555] You don't tell boys.

[556] Is that fair?

[557] I feel like girls, it happens, but we're still not immediately picking up the phone and being like, guess what just happened?

[558] I shit on the street.

[559] Right.

[560] What do you think, Laylon?

[561] It comes out at wine nights.

[562] Yeah, I feel like that's most of the time.

[563] And it depends on the person.

[564] Like my boyfriend, for somebody that's like weird to tell him.

[565] But any other guy, it's like, yeah, whatever.

[566] Well, because do you think you're afraid?

[567] it might make you less attractive, which of course it doesn't.

[568] Yeah.

[569] It would make me more horny for you.

[570] That's a side note.

[571] There's that demographic as well.

[572] Okay, so lay it on us.

[573] Set the table.

[574] Okay, so the day it happened.

[575] It started off a tad rough because I stayed up way too late the night before.

[576] Drinking?

[577] Yeah, sure.

[578] Common cause.

[579] You've made your stomach and your system pretty volatile probably with all the alcohol and whatnot.

[580] I did.

[581] So I pull into my work parking lot and I knew I had to go to the bathroom, but I was like, you know, I should put my stuff down first just to let people know I'm here.

[582] This office was kind of weird.

[583] It had two doors, one that needed a key.

[584] And so I grabbed that office key to make sure I could get back in.

[585] And then we also had a bathroom key, but I was never really given one because there was always a paper towel in the door.

[586] So it's never really locked.

[587] Out of 10 pressure -wise, where are you at, is this?

[588] I'm in a full -blown panic or just, oh, this is Eminent.

[589] I'm going to be ahead of it.

[590] Yeah.

[591] I was going to be ahead of it.

[592] Okay, great.

[593] At least like halfway down the hallway, it sort of occurred.

[594] I was like, wow, I got a power walk, though.

[595] Uh -huh.

[596] Right.

[597] We got to get there.

[598] I get to the door, kind of relieved, and it's locked.

[599] So first I'm just like, oh, my God, where's the paper towel?

[600] So I immediately turn around, try the men's restroom.

[601] It's locked too.

[602] But I was still kind of calm at this point because the office next to the bathroom, they always had like an extra key that was just sitting there.

[603] So I walk in and it's just pitch black.

[604] No one's in there.

[605] At this point, I'm just like, okay, take a deep breath.

[606] You just have to walk back and get the bathroom key.

[607] And like halfway down, I'm basically walking like a penguin.

[608] At any point in your walk, because I've been here so many times, you actually have to stop entirely, freeze, get it back under control, then resume the penguin walk.

[609] I'm going to kind of turned into more of a waddle.

[610] There just came a point where I just, I couldn't squeeze anymore.

[611] And my bells, they just let go.

[612] Oh, wow.

[613] In route to get the key.

[614] Yeah, in route.

[615] So just in the middle of the office hallway.

[616] Oh, God.

[617] And of course, I was wearing a dress to top it all up.

[618] So there was nothing holding it.

[619] Okay.

[620] Oh, my God.

[621] It's kind of just like an out -of -body experience.

[622] I sort of just stood there.

[623] And I was like, no, this is no. And then I, you know, look to the side.

[624] And I was like, yep, there it is.

[625] That's a pile of mine.

[626] That's mine.

[627] Oh, my God.

[628] Yes.

[629] What did you do?

[630] There was really no rational thought for like the next 10 minutes, but I immediately just like picked it up, like getting up after a dog, I don't know.

[631] With your hand?

[632] Yeah.

[633] And it was running back.

[634] There's a water fountain like in the middle of the bathrooms.

[635] So I was like, oh, you know, I'm going to use this maybe as like a sink, hopefully.

[636] That didn't work.

[637] Nothing works in this.

[638] I don't understand the office.

[639] They're just dragging it around.

[640] So I'm just like standing in the stairwell, like, oh, my God.

[641] I just like, I'm holding like, hold my hand.

[642] But I was like, no way.

[643] Remember, there's a trash can in the front.

[644] So I was like, I'm just going to go out.

[645] I'm going to throw it in the trash.

[646] And then I'm going to come back in and just get the other mess.

[647] But as I'm like walking out, there's this huge group of people in the front.

[648] There's no one there ever.

[649] And I'm like, what is this?

[650] And they all just sort of stare at me. I did come out of a really weird area.

[651] And I just stared back and gave them like an attitude.

[652] So then, you know, I throw it away.

[653] I get back in the elevator.

[654] And I look down and I realize it's just all over my life.

[655] Yes, of course.

[656] Yeah, like, Doug, because where else would have gone?

[657] You need a shower.

[658] Yeah.

[659] Then I was like, you know, forget whatever's left on the floor.

[660] I need to visibly get clean somehow.

[661] I remember in the stairwell, there was this quilt -like thing that's definitely meant for the air conditioner.

[662] I used it.

[663] So then I go back out.

[664] And my fear through this whole thing was that my boss would get there before I'd fixed it.

[665] And I hear her voice as I'm like turning to corner.

[666] I just still couldn't like believe what was happening.

[667] It's a car accident that lasts for like 20 minutes.

[668] And there's still shit in the hall left unattended.

[669] Yeah.

[670] Part of me was like, should I just go with her and maybe be just to show?

[671] shocked as she is.

[672] Right.

[673] You're modeling a million scenarios so fast.

[674] So then I was like, you know, I'm still not really fully clean.

[675] There's a gas station across from the office.

[676] I don't know what was happening to this day, but there was another event.

[677] So there's this huge event outside the Chevron.

[678] So all these people were setting up.

[679] So I just like, put my head down, but walk slow because I didn't want to give them anything like whiff.

[680] Yeah.

[681] Yeah.

[682] I storm into the bathroom and just basically started cleaning.

[683] And then, you know, after I threw away, it's honestly a really great pair of underwear.

[684] I just like reflected that this is my life.

[685] At the time, I'd just gotten admitted to the bar as an attorney.

[686] I'm cleaning shit off myself.

[687] Yes, here you are.

[688] You're still a human.

[689] You can't out -degree yourself from that.

[690] Oh, my God.

[691] And then I realized I had to go back to the office at some point because my purse.

[692] Yes, yes.

[693] I was just like, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[694] I just remember coming in and no one really even saying anything about it, which I don't know if that was worse.

[695] You must have been so consumed for many days.

[696] that might have never left your mind for more than 15, 20 minutes.

[697] No, when I got home, I just, like, didn't know what to do with myself.

[698] So I just, like, showered.

[699] And then I just sat there and I just, like, wrote out what happened to me. Oh, wow.

[700] Oh, that's great.

[701] And then my sister came home and was like, what are you doing?

[702] Because I was just basically sitting there, like, staring down.

[703] And I just sent her what I'd written.

[704] That proves your point, Monica, because probably every dude when their brother got home would have heard the dude on the phone telling their buddies.

[705] Yes.

[706] And then how long before you feel like everyone moved on or the situation just, was over.

[707] So I only stay there for like a couple more months because I didn't even really like the place.

[708] So apparently I truly just shit on them.

[709] Right, right, right.

[710] Yeah, I just feel like I blocked it from my mind.

[711] I was like, you know what?

[712] This definitely happens.

[713] But if you dwell on it, you just can't move forward.

[714] You got to compartmentalize it.

[715] Yeah.

[716] Have you ever had this thought?

[717] So when you're in that situation, you're in panic, life or death mode.

[718] You've got to pick it up off the ground.

[719] You're now walking places holding this because I've been there.

[720] What it tells me is that I could murder someone.

[721] When the shit hits the fan, whether you're defending yourself, whatever, it's those experiences where I realized, well, you'll just do whatever needs doing.

[722] You'll do anything.

[723] Yes.

[724] You'll pick it up.

[725] You'll go door to door.

[726] You'll try to put it in a sink.

[727] Just do what you got to do to take another step forward and not crawl up and die on the spot.

[728] Yeah.

[729] No, I think that's actually a pretty good point.

[730] You know, I had it in me. Lalani, what a story.

[731] Thank you for sharing.

[732] Other people have been there.

[733] Many people.

[734] That's the thing.

[735] Now people don't have to be alone.

[736] Exactly.

[737] This is going to happen to someone that listens to this.

[738] That's a numerical fact percentage -wise.

[739] That's a good question.

[740] Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

[741] Oh, advice.

[742] You know, I guess just be more in tune with my body.

[743] Okay.

[744] That's the marching orders.

[745] Listen to your body.

[746] That's what I've got.

[747] No, I will say this.

[748] It's not like I've been able to apply it, but one common thread through these stories and all of my own is, You should resist ever telling yourself this is about to be over.

[749] As you're approaching a bathroom, you should just not take that for granted.

[750] You should not send those signals until your cheeks are on the toilet.

[751] That's right.

[752] Yep.

[753] That's when you tell yourself you're free.

[754] Yeah.

[755] Oh.

[756] Wow.

[757] Well, thanks for that.

[758] That was incredible.

[759] Yeah, thanks for letting me share.

[760] It was a pleasure.

[761] It's so nice to meet you.

[762] Yeah, you're still.

[763] All right.

[764] Take care.

[765] Bye.

[766] Okay, Brad.

[767] You think this was before self -months.

[768] Because I always think you just text someone from inside the office and be like, I'm by my car.

[769] I'm having a little bit of a medical emergency.

[770] Can you please bring my keys and phone?

[771] But again, when you know when you make that text, that when they bring it all down and then they walk upstairs and they see the shit, although that was her shit.

[772] She just left out of nowhere.

[773] Oh, wow.

[774] Hello, howdy, howdy?

[775] Hi, how are you?

[776] Is that a Georgia hat, I see?

[777] Go dogs.

[778] Yes.

[779] Yes.

[780] Go dogs.

[781] I got even more for you.

[782] For the past 20 years, I've lived within walking distance of the Dairy Queen that I assume your parents worked at.

[783] Oh, my gosh.

[784] You met my parents a Dairy Queen.

[785] Right.

[786] So we've lived in Duluth for 20 years.

[787] Oh, my gosh.

[788] How cool.

[789] Wow.

[790] Yeah, so we got all the things going.

[791] I love it.

[792] I can't wait to hear the story now.

[793] Yeah, me too.

[794] Are we calling you by your real name?

[795] I've pooped my pants a lot.

[796] Everyone knows.

[797] Sure, sure, sure.

[798] Well, that's what we tell ourselves, right?

[799] All of us who poop their pants with some regularity.

[800] So I pooped myself a lot.

[801] lot.

[802] Sure.

[803] I mean, a lot.

[804] Okay.

[805] But I have never told anyone this story and I tell people everything that happens with my bounder.

[806] I assume because it happened at the office is why I haven't said it.

[807] Is it your current office or a previous employer?

[808] Current employer.

[809] We moved office buildings possibly because I just poop my pants and because we just had a happy hour so I'm still at the office and I told people that I was going to be on this and they just started peeking through my door.

[810] You got an audience.

[811] And do people ever tell you you look like Dave Cross with hair?

[812] No. I get Topper Grace.

[813] Okay.

[814] That's a good one too.

[815] Yeah.

[816] Okay.

[817] So set the stage for us.

[818] What happened?

[819] All right.

[820] So, first thing, working in an office does weird things to you.

[821] So I quit pooping on the weekends.

[822] I only poop at the office.

[823] Wait.

[824] You're kidding.

[825] 98 % of the time I poop in the office.

[826] Get home on the weekend.

[827] I quit pooping.

[828] How do you explain that?

[829] I don't know.

[830] I assume I just love the office.

[831] office bathroom.

[832] And like I said, we switched offices and my body was in a little bit of shock, but it's totally locked back in.

[833] It's like, oh, this is my pooping place.

[834] You're someone who feels most comfortable in deep routine, it sounds like.

[835] And when the weekends for you is almost out of your routine, so your body thinks you're traveling or something.

[836] At least with pooping, because otherwise, I'm a pretty free spirit.

[837] So I don't poop on the weekends.

[838] That means Mondays are always a little bit adventurous.

[839] This particularly Monday, you know, it's in the winter.

[840] I got the heated seat on.

[841] I'm cooking those bells.

[842] I'm getting everything going in there.

[843] Atlanta traffic, like L .A. traffic, sucks.

[844] And like anything, once you're on the interstate, there's no getting off for a quick poop.

[845] Your pot committed, yeah.

[846] Are you pounding coffee?

[847] Probably a Coke zero and a giant glass of water.

[848] Okay.

[849] I like coffee.

[850] I drink coffee.

[851] I just not drink it in the car.

[852] I can't have a lid on anything and it's hot and I'm afraid to spill it all over me. Mess up my pants.

[853] Ironic.

[854] So I'm headed down to interstate.

[855] I'm smelling up the car.

[856] It's okay.

[857] But then all of a sudden, the farts go to, oh, this is a little bit more serious.

[858] And they're getting warmer, I imagine.

[859] Yeah, they're getting warmer.

[860] They're getting, like, I think something's going to happen.

[861] Now you're holding on them.

[862] I'm like, oh, goodness.

[863] I got to go to the office.

[864] I got to make the office.

[865] I'm getting nervous.

[866] Finally pull into the garage.

[867] And then I start doing that walk.

[868] You know, you take a step.

[869] Hold.

[870] Pray.

[871] I'm okay.

[872] Stay up.

[873] Gray.

[874] Got it.

[875] then I get to the problem I've got to make a decision elevator or stairs I'm like I can't do the stairs because the upward motion I said I'm going to do the elevated I get in I hit the button elevator goes up everything in my bowels comes out no no I mean just pants destroyed full evacuation well unfortunately not a full evacuation but a massive evacuation everything's destroyed and now I've lost my mind because I've shit my pants at work what am I going to do I still got to ship my pants.

[876] So now, though, elevator doors open.

[877] It's beeline to the bathroom.

[878] And like said, I've lost my mind.

[879] You're panicking right now, right?

[880] Right.

[881] I'm in dress pants, felt, dress shirt.

[882] I'm ripping the dress shirt out.

[883] Are you someone who gets to work earlier than others?

[884] Earlier, thank God.

[885] Okay, so you have some confidence that you're going to be able to get through this without being discovered at this point?

[886] Correct, because I know the building's basically empty.

[887] But that doesn't justify drop in drawer before you get to the bathroom.

[888] Pants are down around the ankle and I'm doing the waddle, bus through the bathroom door.

[889] It's got a pisser and a pooper.

[890] Yeah, two banger.

[891] Two banger.

[892] The pooper's big, you know, thank God it's floor to ceiling, full door.

[893] That's rare.

[894] Very rare.

[895] Very lucky.

[896] Very nice.

[897] Nice bathroom.

[898] But before I even get in it, the second shot happens.

[899] My pants are no longer on because I've dropped drawer right to the bathroom.

[900] So there's no filter, there's no barrier.

[901] It's going everywhere.

[902] Oh, my God.

[903] Now you've made a fucking mess.

[904] Yes.

[905] Every final step to there.

[906] I'm just exploding everywhere.

[907] Oh, wow.

[908] Are your eyes watering and stuff?

[909] For me, at this point, I would be like on the verge of crying and emotional.

[910] I think I'm in so much pain.

[911] I haven't even got to that point yet.

[912] So I hit the toilets, finish it out.

[913] And then I look up.

[914] And I mean, there's shit everywhere.

[915] You've literally painted the best.

[916] bathroom.

[917] Right.

[918] It's on the floor.

[919] It's on the walls.

[920] It's every.

[921] So now I'm crying because I'm like, what am I going to do?

[922] Right.

[923] Where do you start?

[924] Right.

[925] So I sit there and I go, okay, well, first, we got to get rid of the underwear.

[926] Yeah, they're gone.

[927] So I get the underwear off and then I look at the pants.

[928] I get tissue paper.

[929] I clean it out as best I can.

[930] Pull the pants back up, buckle them up.

[931] I can't clean this off the floor.

[932] How to get out of the floor?

[933] I can't.

[934] I'm now stepping through the poop.

[935] Okay, sure.

[936] You're contaminating the crime.

[937] scene.

[938] I dumped the underwear into the trash can and go, well, I got no choice.

[939] I've got to go back home.

[940] So then I just race away.

[941] Wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[942] I got to go home with the thought of, I'm going to pretend I didn't do this or I need to go get like a mop and things.

[943] I'm going to change pants and pretend this never happened.

[944] Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[945] You're going to try to get away with this crime, basically.

[946] Try to get away with the crime.

[947] So I get back to the garage.

[948] There's still no one in it.

[949] My pants are disgusting.

[950] I'm like, well, I've got an hour, ass drive back home.

[951] I've already driven an hour down.

[952] I got an hour back.

[953] Pants are back off in the back seat.

[954] I was going to say what I would do in that situation, I'd remove my pants, and then I'd take a floor mat from the back seat and put it on my driver's seat.

[955] I liked well enough.

[956] I felt comfortable.

[957] But pants are in the back seat.

[958] I drive back home.

[959] You're bare naked at this point, because you've already thrown your panties away.

[960] Right.

[961] Yeah.

[962] Drive back home, Winnie the Pooh.

[963] You know, it's all out there.

[964] Shower, clean, dress.

[965] Well, hold on, hold on.

[966] Are you married or anything?

[967] Do you walk into the house with half your outfit on and half of it is gone.

[968] I'm very married.

[969] Luckily, she also worked and had to get into the office early.

[970] Okay.

[971] So she's gone.

[972] She is actually the only one that knows this story only because I wanted her to grammar tech my submission.

[973] Oh, that's cute.

[974] Hey, I need you to grammar tech this.

[975] And B, I need to make sure you're okay with this.

[976] And she's like, I mean, you're going to be on with that's and Monica.

[977] So I don't care.

[978] Now I'm back home.

[979] clean up.

[980] I'm like, okay, I think I got away with this.

[981] Who's going to know?

[982] I'm fine.

[983] I drive the hour back into the office.

[984] Of course, I'm three hours late now.

[985] I was going to say who's going to know, but you're always early, and now you're two hours late, and the whole bathroom's covered in shit.

[986] You don't need Dr. Clousseau here.

[987] No, I wouldn't expect that.

[988] But yeah, I'm super late.

[989] I run the marketing department.

[990] I have the boss.

[991] I can do what I want.

[992] Sure, sure.

[993] Get in, log on and there's an email from one of my employees to HR and it says someone was murdered in the stall what are you going to do to clean this up and I just went I'm just going to delete the email the whole entire marketing team with HR on it I was just like oh I think he knows I think he knows because I'm a man he's a man we've never discussed it what about in the elevator the First explosion.

[994] That all stayed in the pants.

[995] Okay.

[996] It's really everything beyond the threshold of the bathroom.

[997] So there's nothing in the hallway.

[998] Correct.

[999] I made it into the bathroom.

[1000] Listen, that's better than what we've heard.

[1001] So there's a lot to be grateful for.

[1002] Thank God.

[1003] Yeah, someone's shit in the hallway.

[1004] What the fuck do you do that?

[1005] So we had a happy hour today at my office.

[1006] So I'm still at the office and I brought this up a little bit and they went, oh, are you the one that pooped in the urinal?

[1007] Oh, wait, wait, wait.

[1008] That wasn't me. I remember what you're talking about, but not me. And they went, oh, are you the one that left the dirty underwear behind the toilet?

[1009] I was like, no, that one, too, was not me. So my office, you had to leave the building.

[1010] We've had a lot of really shitty stuff happened there.

[1011] So all the skeletons just fell out of the closet when you just cracked the door open.

[1012] Oh, yeah, I brought it up, and they were just like, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[1013] I was like, no, no, I only have one.

[1014] I haven't told you all about it.

[1015] Okay, there's only two options for the fecal matter.

[1016] the urinal, which is vandalism or someone walked in there in the same state you were in.

[1017] I've got one second to go.

[1018] It's coming out.

[1019] There's someone in the stall.

[1020] Fuck it.

[1021] Better in the urinal than on the floor.

[1022] Like that other guy did.

[1023] Right.

[1024] So the office only had a bathroom on the first floor and the second floor.

[1025] We were on both, but it only had one pooper per floor.

[1026] So there's a lot of near misses from all the men.

[1027] When we'd make this new office, I increased the bathroom by 400 percent and everyone's like, thank God.

[1028] Oh, okay.

[1029] But hopefully we'll have no more pooping in the office.

[1030] Or, I mean, pooping in the office, but not on the floor or the urnals.

[1031] Monica and Kristen have this take about men that there's some entitlement.

[1032] Arrogance.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] I mean, just look at the numbers.

[1035] Why are we doing it so much more frequently?

[1036] I think there's an anatomical answer to be truthful with you.

[1037] I do think there's something different anatomically going on.

[1038] That's the biological component, the nature.

[1039] And then certainly there's some nurture.

[1040] Yeah, I think anatomically it's the same.

[1041] Even what you were saying, you were just like farting in the car a bunch, we are trained, women are trained not to do that, even though we should be doing it just as much or we shouldn't.

[1042] Is this aspirational our behavior here?

[1043] Or do we need to become more ladylike?

[1044] That's true.

[1045] We could be in the middle, I guess.

[1046] But women would repress their butt cheeks just to not fart at all.

[1047] Whereas you guys are just fart and farting and then you're like, oh my God, there's poop ready now.

[1048] I'll go further.

[1049] There's a few warning signs even before the hot fart.

[1050] Because the hot fart is like, shut it down.

[1051] No more farting.

[1052] That's a very clear demarcation.

[1053] Like, don't go beyond this point.

[1054] There's micro hints even before.

[1055] Would you agree, Rob?

[1056] Yeah.

[1057] So, yeah, there is some arrogance.

[1058] There is some arrogance.

[1059] So I would say on peeing, absolute arrogance.

[1060] I mean, I feel like I'm allowed to pee everywhere.

[1061] I want to mark everything.

[1062] I don't want to mark any place with my poop.

[1063] It just comes out.

[1064] Right.

[1065] Well, this is why I think it's anatomical, because when Chris and I became obsessed with this, like, why do guys do it once a year and women almost never do it?

[1066] In asking everyone we knew, we probably asked 75 people if they poop their pants.

[1067] And what we found, though, is that women pee their pants all the time.

[1068] Like, it's so common for women to pee their pants.

[1069] So that leads me to believe there's something anatomically going on with women that it's harder for them to hold it than it is for men.

[1070] That's a pelvic floor thing, yeah.

[1071] Okay, so I just think if it's conceivable, that's harder for you guys to hold the urine.

[1072] it is conceivable anatomically because our ovaries distended through our body, we have a different layout down there.

[1073] Maybe it is harder.

[1074] I don't know.

[1075] Yes.

[1076] Do men do it more or do we just talk about?

[1077] That said, I know my wife's never pooped her pants, but she's peed them a lot.

[1078] Yeah.

[1079] Again, this is anecdotal.

[1080] There's only like 75 people we know, but all the people we know would easily say it.

[1081] Like, there's a very strong level of trust.

[1082] So the guys are being honest and the girls are really being honest, and they're telling how many times they peed their pants.

[1083] So I think we got a pretty honest data set and it was stark i'll have you know the reason we ask is there was a costumeer that came into Kristen's trailer we were both doing a movie no i've never used the underwear they supply as part of your costume but a lot of people do wear the underwear that's supplied and she said that the boys constantly have skid marks and stuff and the women don't ever and i was like that's so weird i don't ever have skid marks that's what led to it this is like someone who's dealing with it a lot and saw a very clear difference between the men and women's undergarments.

[1084] Skid marks is based on the consistency of your poop.

[1085] You got a nice firm poop.

[1086] It wipes easy.

[1087] If you got a soft, mushy one, man, you can wipe for like an hour and there's still stuff there.

[1088] That too's full of variables.

[1089] There's how much effort do you put into cleaning yourself up?

[1090] Fair enough.

[1091] My best friend, Aaron, he wouldn't mind me saying this.

[1092] I've watched him step out of the shower where he just cleaned his asshole with a bar of soap, take a tissue of toilet paper, wipe, and show me there's poop on there.

[1093] After he just washed it.

[1094] So something's broken his.

[1095] That is not like a level of haphazardness or a lack of concern.

[1096] It's something's broken down there, I think.

[1097] It's leaking.

[1098] I mean, I have skid mark, so maybe so.

[1099] Well, Brad, this was a real party.

[1100] I really appreciate.

[1101] What's your wife's name so we can say hi to her if she listens?

[1102] My wife's name is Angela and Monica next time you're in Duluth.

[1103] She would love to take you out for drinks, just so you know.

[1104] Oh, that's so nice.

[1105] And she's not a crazy stalker.

[1106] I was supposed to also say that.

[1107] She's not a stalker.

[1108] It took you until episode 200 to say where you were from, but we had been trying to piece it together.

[1109] We're like, we think it's close.

[1110] We think it's here.

[1111] We're working.

[1112] And then you finally went to Lute and we're like, wow.

[1113] Yay.

[1114] I love that.

[1115] I love it.

[1116] All right.

[1117] Well, I'll call her.

[1118] Because the sim is strong.

[1119] I think you guys are going to bump.

[1120] bump into each other.

[1121] She'll be eating with her mom and dad and Neil.

[1122] And then you guys are going to bump into each other at one of these chain restaurants.

[1123] That's my hunch.

[1124] No, not in a chain restaurant.

[1125] Downtown Duluth is no chain restaurant.

[1126] It's so cute.

[1127] It is hopping.

[1128] Fantastic restaurants.

[1129] You would love it.

[1130] That was a dig on Nermal.

[1131] Oh, my mom does love a chain restaurant.

[1132] That was a Nirmala dig.

[1133] Okay.

[1134] Let's be clear about who I'm insulting here.

[1135] Okay.

[1136] I come in peace, Duluth.

[1137] Well, Brad, this was a blast.

[1138] Thank you so much for that wonderful story.

[1139] Have a good one.

[1140] Have fun at the happy hour.

[1141] Yeah.

[1142] Excellent.

[1143] Thank you all.

[1144] Bye.

[1145] Bye.

[1146] Okay.

[1147] That was tremendous.

[1148] I don't know if I get desensitized throughout it.

[1149] But the first one, I was a little bit nervous.

[1150] Like, are these going to make people throw up?

[1151] Listen, I'm just grateful that these people felt comfortable sharing with us.

[1152] I do too.

[1153] And I actually have a lot of gratitude, because as bad as mine have been, these sound worse.

[1154] I wasn't in front of coworkers on the PCH.

[1155] Like I could write it off as like, fuck it.

[1156] Some strangers saw something.

[1157] terrible but I'm going to keep it moving but man pooping in the hallway at work yeah that's tough that's a tough one that's a rough one I applaud everyone aren't you shitting in your trash can in your classroom there's a lot of good stuff that was a blast so fun do want to sing a tune or something I want to a theme song oh okay great we don't have a thing song for this new show so here I go go go.

[1158] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armchair, he's won't get some suggestions.

[1159] On the flyer rindish, on the flyer rindish, enjoy.

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