THIS Is How You Set Yourself Up for Success

[0] from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions.

[1] It's the Ramsey Show where we help people with their money, with their work, with their reason for getting up in the morning and with their relationships.

[2] If you want to be on the show, give us a buzz at AAA 825 -5 -2 -25.

[3] We've got an opinion on just about anything that's going on in your life, and our promises will sit here with you, walk with you, and we'll figure out what's the next right step.

[4] I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend, Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your call.

[5] Again, AAA 825 -5 -2 -2 -5 on this special Valentine's Day episode.

[6] I know, the Manufactured Day of Love.

[7] Oh, gosh, I actually like it.

[8] You don't like it?

[9] You like Valentine's Day?

[10] Yeah, wow.

[11] Oh, wow.

[12] I would have thought you would have been like a skeptic, like a, eh.

[13] Love is all year -round.

[14] I like love.

[15] I do, too, but not when it's like a holiday.

[16] Here we go.

[17] All right.

[18] Really?

[19] Some cut.

[20] Are y 'all like doing something?

[21] You and Sheila going out tonight?

[22] Dude, I got into my car today, and there was like a gift in the driver's side of my car.

[23] Oh, my gosh.

[24] I know.

[25] It was, it was, it was, it was, Valentine's Day.

[26] No, we love each other.

[27] I know.

[28] What about your house, Rachel?

[29] Let's go to.

[30] We went out to dinner last night.

[31] That's yesterday.

[32] Let's go to Emily in Cincinnati, Ohio.

[33] What's up, Emily?

[34] Hi there.

[35] I'm good.

[36] How you doing?

[37] We're figuring it out.

[38] Hey, real quick before the call, are you thumbs up or thumbs down on Valentine's Day?

[39] I think a thumbs up.

[40] You know why?

[41] Because you're a person with a heart.

[42] That sounds cool, Rachel.

[43] It's like the whole mark.

[44] This is how homework makes their money.

[45] Okay, Emily, we're here for you.

[46] All right, what's up, Emily?

[47] How can we have?

[48] Well, my husband and I got married about a year ago.

[49] I'd been single for 23 years.

[50] My goals were to have my house paid off debt -free.

[51] I achieved that goal.

[52] Had money in the bank.

[53] I, you know, discussed before we got married, his financial situations.

[54] Everything was brought out.

[55] He basically had a house.

[56] He didn't have a house at that point, but he had a car payment, and he paid that, and so that was about $700.

[57] And then he said he was helping his daughter with her student loans.

[58] She's 36.

[59] His son is 33.

[60] After we were married, I found out a few months later that he was indebted, to his two adult children, $86 ,000.

[61] Oh, gosh.

[62] And then after the marriage, we got taught, so that didn't go very well with me. And then I found out that he had racked up about $40 ,000 in credit card bills because part of the wedding, we just bought a new home.

[63] He makes very good money.

[64] And then when I heard about the $40 ,000, that just blew me away.

[65] He didn't tell you about that when you all were going through the $86 ,000?

[66] No. What a coward.

[67] And he didn't tell me that he was racking up these credit cards.

[68] We went on honeymoon.

[69] He lost his job two weeks before our wedding.

[70] That was fine.

[71] He did put $200 ,000 down on the house that we did purchase.

[72] In that time, we've had to move.

[73] We just sold the house.

[74] But I had paid cash.

[75] I had sold my house.

[76] prior to up on this other hose.

[77] So how can we help you?

[78] There's a lot going on here.

[79] I know.

[80] Give me some direction here.

[81] How can we help?

[82] Okay.

[83] I want to know is right now the credit card bills, he paid off by turning in his stocks.

[84] So now that is a zero balance.

[85] How do you know?

[86] You know what?

[87] I don't know.

[88] You don't know.

[89] You have a man that you share a home with that you can't trust as far as you can see.

[90] and he's so full of crap his eyes are brown and he is just running through life dragging you behind him right well well he makes so he did the budget and after we went over the budget we had about $900 left to live on and that's without paying our credit card bills he makes $170 ,000 a year how do you know that um through his paychecks I did look into that I said I need your pay stubs I want to see what's coming in.

[91] I want you to pull credit reports on everybody in the house tonight.

[92] Well, we did because we just purchased a house, and his are in the 800s.

[93] So now that we, so the thing is, the one, his daughter who is 36, I guess we owe about 36 ,000 in debt to her bills.

[94] They are in her name.

[95] He's a co -signer.

[96] His son.

[97] And what was he using that $36 ,000?

[98] for Emily, when he borrowed from that one daughter?

[99] Like, what was that for, just lifestyle?

[100] Nope, nope, it was for his, her student loans.

[101] They're for her student loans.

[102] Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[103] And then his son, I found out we owe $55 ,000 on, $55 ,000.

[104] Student loans.

[105] And student loans.

[106] And he's 33.

[107] And he, and both were communicated to the adult children that he would pay for them.

[108] evidently okay yes and he says that's true too the adult children say that and he said that well I'm not talking to adult kids kids right now because I'm I'm furious okay yeah yeah and and the girl she's a nanny and say claiming that she doesn't make enough money to pay anything so Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily your rage is misguided and it's not helping no I know it's not help yeah you're not addressing the core issue, which is you married a man and right out of the gate, he lied to you to the tune of over $100 ,000.

[109] Correct.

[110] On multiple occasions.

[111] That's where this conversation has to begin.

[112] Right.

[113] We'll get to the money part.

[114] Now you pay off money, he's going to have to make a whole bunch more and you're going to have to sell a bunch of stuff and cut your lifestyle.

[115] But beneath that, you don't have a man that you trust.

[116] And so you're running around mad at everybody and rage.

[117] How much are you working?

[118] What are you doing?

[119] All of that is misplaced.

[120] All of that is your body trying to cope with the fact that you are connected to somebody that you don't trust.

[121] Mm -hmm.

[122] Have you sat down and said, hey, you lied to me. We have to rebuild this whole relationship over.

[123] Oh, yeah.

[124] Okay.

[125] I told him that.

[126] I said, and on top of this, let me tell you one more thing.

[127] He is a game collector, board games, and he probably has close to a million dollars in board games.

[128] Well, cool.

[129] He could pay this crap off then.

[130] Bye.

[131] That's awesome.

[132] Right.

[133] Well, when I asked him, and so let me ask you this, I said, he doesn't want to get his kids to pay for their schooling or take on responsibility for it, or he's still paying for his son's $89 phone bill, even to the stay.

[134] And I said, how about if I get divorced and I get the best lawyer?

[135] And I take half of your retirement, which he has about $800 ,000 in and half of your games.

[136] Well, Emily, but now you're getting in the mud with the pig.

[137] I know.

[138] Don't do that.

[139] Be a person of dignity and respect, stay above it.

[140] If you have decided, you know what, I can't be married to a man child like this?

[141] But until, then make your choice.

[142] But right now, you're just jumping into your cannonball into the mud with them.

[143] Yeah.

[144] And I would keep saying, yes.

[145] And if you want to fight for the marriage, at this point, though, financially, I would, I would stay away.

[146] I would have a separation.

[147] I think that's a very healthy boundary to have at this point.

[148] And you guys need to go to marriage therapy.

[149] And all of this has to be resolved.

[150] because to John's point, the trust is completely broken, not just from the money side, but in other aspects as well.

[151] And so until that, until you feel confident that you guys are working as a team, then you can move forward financially together.

[152] But I'm so sorry, Emily.

[153] You need to give him a roadmap of what he can do to earn trust back.

[154] Sell games, have hard conversations with his kids.

[155] Give him a path back.

[156] You need that and he needs that.

[157] This is the Ramsey show.

[158] So here's a quick math refresher.

[159] There are only 24 hours in a day.

[160] So your business needs to streamline tasks that are time suckers and focus on activities that make money.

[161] So to reduce headaches as they scale, smart businesses use NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud financial system.

[162] NetSuite helps you improve efficiency by bringing all your major business processes into one platform.

[163] So join the more than 37 ,000 smart businesses like Ramsey Solutions that have done the math and graduated, to NetSuite.

[164] And right now you can download NetSuite's KPI checklist absolutely free at NetSuite .com slash Ramsey.

[165] That's netsuite .com slash Ramsey.

[166] Welcome back.

[167] This is the Ramsey show, AAA 825, 5 -225 for this very special Valentine's Day episode.

[168] Yeah, and speaking of love, John, the events that we put on that we both loved.

[169] Speaking of love.

[170] That we love so much.

[171] The money and marriage, get a away, you guys, it is back.

[172] We're so excited.

[173] So this fall, October 24th through the 26th, John and I will be spending a whole weekend with you guys here in Nashville, focus on your marriage, focused on your money.

[174] It's a two and a half day.

[175] It's two and a half days full of teaching you when it comes to communication, intimacy, and money.

[176] And there's going to be lots of Q &A.

[177] We get to answer questions from you guys.

[178] That was a great part of the event.

[179] I feel like we had a conversation the entire weekend with you all.

[180] And we want you to walk away with tools that you need to build that deeper connection when it comes to your marriage, when it comes to your money.

[181] And so our platinum tickets are already sold out, but there are a few VIP tickets left, which includes a meet and greet with us.

[182] And we just want to make sure you guys can get those before they're gone.

[183] So tickets start at $799 at Ramsey Solutions .com slash events.

[184] And it's still a bargain for a, $8 .00 a lot, but two and a half days for a marriage retreat that we've not got one that's rare we've not got one one couple that's written back and said we wish we hadn't done that oh yeah it's the opposite you could just hand out cash in the back of a room and someone's going to be like I can't believe that you and not one person totally it's it's been so remarkable yeah so very very cool all right so during money in marriage we do lots of direct Q &A so people leave feeling like hey we got our our question answered or here's the thing with or how do you all handle these things in your own homes and it was a pretty um intimate weekend because we had our spouses out there we kind of open the yeah open the cupboard doors at our own of our own relationships so here's some questions that didn't get answered that they pulled together for us um here let's see here pick a number between one and eight oh gosh this is so scary let's go six I grew up with very little and now I have more money than my family ever had growing up.

[185] Controlling it has become an obsession.

[186] How can I disconnect from the childhood fear of not having money and focus more on being intentional with it?

[187] That's a great question.

[188] Yeah, that is a good question.

[189] Yeah, so I would say this fear drives a lot of people.

[190] I found that when I was doing research for my book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, how much the childhood idea that if money was a stressful point and whether that was verbally or emotionally, how many people, I mean, they swing the pendulum so far, the other way of like not wanting to be that like they are so adamant about it and so what i think you have to do is like you you have to almost practice and live out these money habits day in and day out to remind yourself that you're okay that you're okay and it's almost like you can tell your head that but if your actions and your body don't follow it's you're not living in that fullness right and so uh i would honestly you know you've probably created a budget because you're obsessed with controlling your money which is great but but i would force myself to spend some and to say, I'm okay letting this money go because as tightly as people hold on to money, sometimes it's hard just to open your hand and spend it and let it go.

[191] But I think as you start to live that out and then you practice spending, you'll see, I'm okay.

[192] I'm okay because you're spending on a plan.

[193] You're being reasonable about it.

[194] But until you can actually go through those motions and that becomes part of your rhythm, you're not going to know it.

[195] Because you can know it in your head all day, but until you actually live it, out.

[196] You're not going to.

[197] You have to teach your body that you're okay.

[198] Yes.

[199] There's a, there's a kind of a behind closed doors quote in counseling, which is the thing that kept you safe as a kid is what ruins your relationships as an adult, right?

[200] If you learn to hide as a kid, it kept you safe from maybe an alcoholic parent.

[201] And that makes it really hard to develop intimacy if every time something gets scary in your house or you get into a fight with your spouse, you hide.

[202] Right.

[203] So very similar, if you develop this sense of control to get you out of a thing?

[204] It's that gazelle intensity?

[205] Cool.

[206] That's the thing that kept you safe.

[207] And probably this person worked really hard, has gone to college, has got a great job, has done all these things so that I would not be like them.

[208] And then they got there and they realized, oh, that tension's still there.

[209] Yes.

[210] Right?

[211] And so, okay, the thing that got you here, cool.

[212] You're safe now.

[213] Now you've got to, like you said, practice something new.

[214] My friend Michael Easter here with the comfort crisis, he has a line that I love and he calls it gear not stuff.

[215] And so him and I have just had some personal conversations, and he's written on this about, you know, the anxiety of clutter and too much stuff everywhere and just going to buy stuff to buy stuff.

[216] Right, right.

[217] And so he's categorizes stuff and gear.

[218] Like, I need this backpack that's really great.

[219] And here's why.

[220] That's different than I'm just going to go to the mall and spend some money.

[221] So maybe you make yourself a gear list.

[222] Like, I do need a pair of pants.

[223] There's like utility to the thing you're buying.

[224] They need to be nice because I don't want to buy another pair for five years.

[225] Then I'm going to buy a nice pair of pants.

[226] That's different than let's just go shopping, right?

[227] Yes, yes, yes.

[228] So maybe make a gear list that you're going to slowly get over the next year.

[229] And also, I think generosity helps with this too.

[230] Like practice opening your hands and letting some money go.

[231] Yep, yeah.

[232] Intentionally, that's awesome.

[233] All right, let's go out to Christian in Martinsburg, West Virginia.

[234] What's up, Christian?

[235] Hey, guys, I'm doing well.

[236] How about you all?

[237] Outstanding, brother.

[238] What's up?

[239] Yeah, so I've got a question for the, two of you here.

[240] My wife and I purchased a vehicle in 2021 with a loan at a 3 .99 interest rate.

[241] And we've been making monthly payments all on time of $275 a month.

[242] So we've currently got about $7 ,072 remaining on the loan.

[243] And timeline -wise, it's looking like we'll be paying it all off in about 26 months.

[244] Sorry, sorry, Christian, $72 left.

[245] No, ma 'am, $7 ,072.

[246] Okay, okay.

[247] I'm sorry.

[248] Good good.

[249] Like, no, you're good.

[250] Well, I thought, what kind of car did you buy?

[251] I was like, what kind of car did you buy?

[252] No, just a Toyota Highlander for my wife and the kids.

[253] Hey, that's about $70 ,000 these days, me. That's not a cheap car.

[254] Well, I work in insurance, so I see those numbers, unfortunately, more and more these days.

[255] But part of the reason for my call here is I'm considering just a Ramsey debt reduction strategy, and I've been looking at our finances.

[256] We have about $5 ,900 in a Robin Hood account and about $10 ,000 in savings because we're still really trying to build up the emergency fund up.

[257] So should we sell the stocks in the Robin Hood account and take some from savings to immediately pay off the loan, even if it means lowering our emergency fund, or is the monthly car payment low enough where it makes more sense to leave the money in the stock market and have more in the emergency fund?

[258] no i would cash out the robin hood account that 5900 so yeah i would throw 6 000 at this take a little bit from savings and that's the only debt you guys have right we do have a mortgage but it's the only other debt that we have so yeah so that's what i would do personally and then your savings will be down to around 9000 um or maybe 8 000 after taxes if you have taxes in that account but um yeah that's what i would do and then and then take that savings account that you have that'll have around $8 ,000 and then build on that to your three to six months of expenses.

[259] So it's the it's the Ramsey Baby Step.

[260] So you'd be at Baby Step 3 at that point.

[261] So that's what I would do.

[262] Okay.

[263] And that gets you guys, yeah, in a great position.

[264] Are you guys, do you have investments beyond this account?

[265] Do you have retirement 401K or a Roth IRA?

[266] Yes, yes, ma 'am.

[267] We have a Roth IRA that we're contributing to.

[268] And then I'm big on trying to help the kids out long term with college.

[269] So we've also been making contributions.

[270] to a smart 529 account for them.

[271] Good, good.

[272] Yeah, that's amazing.

[273] So great.

[274] So I would just keep all of that up.

[275] I mean, you guys are right there.

[276] But yeah, I would pay that.

[277] I would cash out and pay off that car immediately.

[278] Internalize that.

[279] You're going to be debt -free in about 45 minutes.

[280] I mean, the idea sounds great, you know, having nothing but the home to work.

[281] Listen, what a Valentine's Day gift when you slide across the table a zero balance on this car note for your wife.

[282] How much is the car payment a month?

[283] $275.

[284] Okay, okay.

[285] So it's not huge.

[286] Yeah, but you just got what's three times 12, 36?

[287] Yeah, you got a $3 ,600 a year raise just now.

[288] No, that makes sense.

[289] A little bit less than that $3 ,500 a year raise just by hitting, clicking a few buttons on your computer.

[290] And if your boss said, hey, what would you, like, you do this and this and this?

[291] I'm going to give you a $3 ,500 raise.

[292] You'd be like, all right.

[293] Well, here you go.

[294] Merry Christmas, man. Happy Valentine's Day.

[295] Thank you guys so much.

[296] Great job.

[297] I appreciate it.

[298] Thanks, Christian.

[299] Thanks, Christian.

[300] 825 -2 -2 -5.

[301] This is the Ramsey show.

[302] Call us with your relationship challenges.

[303] I especially want you to call if you have your spouse with you, and you're wondering, is it their fault or is it mine?

[304] Rachel and I will solve it for you.

[305] Are you working the baby steps?

[306] One of the smartest and most impactful changes you can make is to ditch your cash value life insurance plan, if you have one, and replace it with a term life policy.

[307] Listen, the only thing a cash value policy is good for is overcharging you for the life insurance and then paying you a crappy rate of return on your overpayment.

[308] Stop wasting your money and really focus on getting out of debt and growing your savings.

[309] For over 25 years, I've trusted and used Xander insurance to find the best rates on term life insurance from the top rated companies.

[310] They keep the whole thing simple.

[311] You can apply online or over the phone, and they even have low -cost plans that don't require an exam.

[312] Go to zander .com or call 800 -356 -4282.

[313] Even if you don't have a cash value policy, if you're one of the 70 % of people who have no life insurance or not enough, it's even more important to get this done.

[314] or Xander .com.

[315] Welcome back to the Ramsey Show, AAA 825 -5 -2 -2 -25.

[316] I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz.

[317] We're taking your calls on money, life, and especially on your dating and marriage relationships on this special Valentine's Day episode.

[318] Let's go out to Marissa in Columbus, Ohio.

[319] Hey, Marissa, what's up?

[320] Hi, guys.

[321] How are you?

[322] We're partying.

[323] What are you up to?

[324] Enjoy my.

[325] day off.

[326] It's beautiful here today.

[327] Congratulations.

[328] That must be nice.

[329] Rachel's my boss and we don't get those very often.

[330] What's up?

[331] We work.

[332] Well, hopefully you do get a couple days off.

[333] You guys work hard too.

[334] But my question is, so my husband and I were a little background.

[335] We're 32.

[336] We live obviously outside Columbus.

[337] We just bought our forever home like we had bought a starter house probably five years ago, fix it up, sold it in June, bought our Forever House, moved in.

[338] So unfortunately, we have a 6 .9 % or whatever interest rate.

[339] Our other house, we had a 15 -year, like 2 .5%.

[340] So quite a shock adjustment, but in the long run, worth it.

[341] So I guess we have no debt.

[342] For context, my husband works in IT.

[343] He makes about 150.

[344] 50.

[345] I'm a nurse, so I make about 80.

[346] And then we have a 10 -month -old daughter.

[347] So we're just trying to figure out the best way to like pay off this mortgage as quickly as possible while also like enjoying ourselves a little bit.

[348] Like we live very well below our means, but just, you know, like that we have a financial advisor and talking with them about saving for our daughter's future and weddings and college, and if we have more kids, it's just, like, making our heads spin.

[349] Originally, we had talked about, you know, of course, once rates lower, again, you know, maybe high fours, low fives, refinancing, but then even that, it's like, you know, we would still pay what we're paying now, but, like, at the new lower rate to pay it off quicker, but it's still going to take, you know, 15 or plus years to pay it off.

[350] So I guess we're just trying to figure out the best way, the most way, how much is left on the mortgage um we have about 400 400 left okay um yeah so i have about 50 in savings my husband has about 75 um and then you know we have retirement accounts and stuff and then um with our financial advisor through other like IRAs and stuff like that we have about 30 okay um so yeah it's just like you know we had talked about maybe if we do refinance like just like just putting whatever I make towards the mortgage and living off what my husband makes.

[351] But even then, it would still, you know, take quite a bit of time.

[352] It wouldn't be like a quick couple -year process.

[353] Hey, Rachel, before you walk through the numbers, can I ask, Marissa, can I ask you a question?

[354] Yeah.

[355] Is this how it's worth it?

[356] 100%.

[357] Yeah.

[358] Oh, yeah.

[359] Because you're doing a lot of financial gymnastics.

[360] Like, you're spending a ton of energy.

[361] What about this?

[362] What about this?

[363] What about that?

[364] What if we did this?

[365] And so I think it's just important to go stop for a second and say, is this still what we want to do?

[366] Like we love this house.

[367] It's our quote unquote forever house, which by the way, no such thing is that.

[368] But like this is a house that we love.

[369] But man, it has taken all the fun out of our life.

[370] Right.

[371] You're still all in on it?

[372] Yeah.

[373] But you guys said you live far below your means.

[374] So how much margin do you guys have a month, would you say that you put into savings?

[375] So I put about a thousand and then an additional $500 a month goes to like our financial advisor.

[376] My husband puts $500 a month and then.

[377] And this is like non -retirement, correct?

[378] Correct, yeah, just to whatever.

[379] Like we've got various investments.

[380] And then my husband's probably saved an additional $1 ,500 on his end.

[381] Okay.

[382] Okay, so I'd say here a couple of things.

[383] Yeah.

[384] Number one, I keep hearing you say like my husband's, money.

[385] My husband has this.

[386] I have that.

[387] I would challenge you guys to combine everything because you guys are working towards the same goal, but you're still on two separate roads financially.

[388] But if you put everything in one pot, you know, instead of saying, well, I have 50 ,000 and he has 75 ,000, like, no, together this is what we have.

[389] Like, there's a, there's something about that unification that happened when you are unified that helps this plan go faster.

[390] So what we found, Marissa, is that you are trying to do a couple of things and well -intentioned things.

[391] So I would kind of put some structure around them.

[392] Okay.

[393] So I would, at this point, you guys have a well over a fully funded emergency fund.

[394] I would say 50 grand is plenty for you guys for an emergency fund.

[395] You could probably even lower some of that if you wanted.

[396] But I would look at that extra 75 ,000 and just have the conversation, hey, is this something we would just want to put a chunk of that towards the house?

[397] I mean, you're going to knock off almost 100 grand towards the principal in the house if you do that.

[398] Like, that's an option.

[399] And then from there, let's invest 15 % of our income into retirement, nothing more, nothing less.

[400] Let's put a little bit away for college.

[401] I would not worry about weddings and all of that.

[402] You're adding in a lot with a 10 -month -old.

[403] So I know it's so easy to like dream, but that's muddying up, kind of what John was saying.

[404] He just feels like you're trying to do all these things.

[405] It's kind of muddying the water.

[406] So just look at what you really need to do.

[407] And so we'll put some money away every year for college, and you can kind of run those numbers and just decide per household what feels right to you.

[408] And then anything above that, I would throw towards the house and throw towards the principal of your mortgage doing that.

[409] And then, I mean, Marissa, we find that people that follow this plan, they pay their house off in seven years.

[410] So it's not a two -year process.

[411] On average, it's about seven years.

[412] And so as you guys map it out, I mean, you make 230 and you have a $400 ,000 mortgage.

[413] So I'm like, golly, in four years, if you guys just lived on 130.

[414] Or three years.

[415] Yeah, you could pay it off.

[416] Can I tell you one hard thing, Marissa?

[417] Yeah.

[418] It sounds like you lean.

[419] a lot on your financial advisor if you get with the wrong financial advisor you need to remember that they can be very self -serving and they will talk you into taking huge chunks of your money you want to get a financial advisor that works for you not the other way around and they'll look at you the wrong financial advisor we had um definitely kind of when we were younger like took advantage of us we were newly married that's right kind of sold us on the whole life first term line and we ended up doing both and then you know we had paid $10 ,000 in but only you know we're out you know we were out five or $6 ,000 so we ended up switching to a friend good well so follow Rachel's policy now and I want you to know we don't have a financial stake in your success here we're rooting you on this is what we would do in our own house put 15 % away and put the rest towards your house and your financial advisor may be like oh you're so stupid you're missing on but 15 % aside you're going to be fine you're so far ahead of the game with the people we talk to right now um and you owe what on your house 400 yeah we owe 400 um we just moved in in june okay imagine this six or seven months imagine this what if you sat down and had a conversation with your husband and you put 15 from that pile that you call yours and you put 75 from him and by the end of this weekend your mortgage is done to 310 already right yeah we have yeah we've talked about that because yeah like I said we've obviously both have our own accounts and then like a joint account so we were just talking about that last night like what if we just yeah so much amount from our nesting and but then you know it's just like there's almost like too much good advice because then you know like his parents are like well let's you guys should just wait to refinance no no no no no no no no no they're wrong listen here's what I want to be your guide solve for freedom what's not what's the best what's the best interest rate what not what's the best move that might happen in three months or six months hey by the way I'm looking to buy a house and everybody is waiting for these interest rates to drop.

[420] And they didn't the other day.

[421] Then everybody freaked out.

[422] And then the inflation report came out.

[423] Dude, everybody's just throwing darts with a blindfold on.

[424] I want you guys to change your metric.

[425] Sol for freedom.

[426] What's the fastest path to our family not owing anybody anything?

[427] Forget the interest rates.

[428] Let's be free.

[429] And let's give that kid, your new kid.

[430] Yeah, wedding's going to be awesome to save up for.

[431] College will be awesome.

[432] Let's give their nervous system 18.

[433] years of parents who don't owe anybody anything.

[434] That's peace.

[435] Then that kid can repel off and go do some amazing things that our culture desperately needs young people to get to get involved with, right?

[436] Let's solve for freedom.

[437] Not for everybody else's advice.

[438] This is the Ramsey show.

[439] This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[440] Hey good folks, the back -to -school madness is upon us.

[441] It's hitting us right now.

[442] We got travel and work and all these forms to find.

[443] fill out now and sports to travel to and on and on my family's schedule is so packed and we haven't even begun talking about things like exercise and date nights and counseling and church and home projects and those are the things that make our life even worth living here's what i've learned when it comes to taking care of me i have to put on my oxygen mask first and that means that i have to do the things that keep me well and whole and i know that you have to do those same things too so don't skip the things that matter to you, including regular exercise, hanging out with your friends and regular therapy appointments.

[444] And when it comes to therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp.

[445] Better Help is 100 % online therapy staffed with licensed therapists.

[446] It's convenient, it's flexible, and it's suited to fit your schedule.

[447] And therapy can help you learn positive coping skills, how to set and practice boundaries, how to become the best version of yourself, and most importantly, how to find peace in all of this chaos.

[448] In this upcoming season, make sure you put on your oxygen mask first.

[449] Never skip therapy day.

[450] Call my friends at BetterHelp.

[451] Visit BetterHelp .com slash Deloney today for 10 % off your first month.

[452] That's BetterHelp, H -E -L -P .com slash Deloni.

[453] Welcome back.

[454] AAA 825 -2 -25.

[455] This is the Ramsey show.

[456] Let's go out to Kimberly in Seattle, Washington.

[457] Hey, Kimberly, what's up?

[458] Hey, are you still there?

[459] We're here.

[460] How's it going?

[461] How can we help?

[462] Good.

[463] Well, not good, but maybe you can help me out some suggestions.

[464] My husband just like about a week ago was, went to the hospital and was diagnosed with basically liver.

[465] His liver is shot.

[466] It's beyond repair.

[467] they gave him maybe a year, year and a half to live.

[468] Oh, my gosh.

[469] I'm so sorry.

[470] Yeah, and he struggled with alcohol, you know, addiction off and on over the years.

[471] And, you know, he said, I knew that this was probably going to happen.

[472] But, you know, when you're addicted, you're addicted and it's hard to stop something.

[473] So anyway, our situation right now is he, he's working.

[474] or trying to work because he doesn't feel well.

[475] And I've been doing the best I can to do Ramsey stuff without him not being on board, which means not very much.

[476] Anyway, I have questions here as to what we should do because this freight train is moving.

[477] Do you guys have moving forward?

[478] Do you guys have kids, Kimberly?

[479] We own our own house.

[480] We have adult kids who are doing really well.

[481] Okay.

[482] Off on their own, they're amazing.

[483] How old are you guys?

[484] I just turned, I just turned 60s a few years younger than me, three years younger than me. Okay.

[485] Anyway, and in fact, I just worked, I had a hospital bill.

[486] I worked, took a grinding job to pay that balance off because of insufficient.

[487] you know, insurance, and just got it done.

[488] So here we are with another hurdle.

[489] So I'm looking at, we do own our own house, but because I haven't been had access, you know, I haven't had access to the funding I wanted to do to keep up on it, it needs exterior repairs that are fairly expensive, as in roof gutters, some siding, and then paint, after that.

[490] It's an amazing house.

[491] It's in really good condition, but that would have to be done if we were to possibly sell and downsize, if that would be one of the options we should consider.

[492] I don't know.

[493] Okay.

[494] We have a lot of stuff sitting around that my other half cannot get rid of anything ever.

[495] So getting those, you know, options for getting those things sold and how to approach.

[496] him on that we'd have to have somebody come and remove Kimberly let me let me hop in here the yes please you've gone directly and you've in quite honestly if you've been if you've been married to somebody who's struggling with alcohol for a long time you have been responding to crisis after crisis and thing after thing forever right amen and then so the way you said this I want to challenge you on it well now we got another hurdle this is not just another hurdle no it's big this is the stop right yes and so you have been working with somebody for a long time everything in this conversation has changed now and the conversation changes to now we have an hourglass we have a clock that's ticking and the doctors clicked it on for us and so we're not talking about how you feel if you really like this collection of bottle caps you've been keeping for it like that that ship is over that ship is sailed out to harbor we are now creating a life that i'm going to have to inhabit because you're going to be gone yeah and that looks like making sure i got a home with four walls on it and i can pay bills right and some of it you're going to i i i remember sitting with somebody that I care about deeply and I was helping them and their house was full of stuff and I was trying to help them throw that throw it away.

[497] This is several years ago and I just finally stopped and looked at them and said, I need you to hear me say this.

[498] When you die, I'm going to throw all of this away.

[499] I can do it now or I can do it when you're gone.

[500] And there was a long, long pause and they said, you're going to have to do it when I'm gone.

[501] And I said, okay, I'm moving on with my day.

[502] I'm not going to spend another second here.

[503] I've already made that choice, but I'm not going to fight that in this moment.

[504] See what I'm saying?

[505] So I want you to...

[506] He was not even used to that idea yet.

[507] It hadn't even been introduced, right?

[508] Right.

[509] So here's what we're doing.

[510] We're reverse engineering this thing for the four walls.

[511] I hate to live like this, but this is the clock you've been given.

[512] I want to go 18 months and start working backwards.

[513] What does life look like?

[514] And you don't have to do a roof and siding and gut.

[515] You don't have to do all that at the same time.

[516] we're going to price each one of those things out these things that we have to do so we can keep our house these things that we have to do so we have transportation you're going to have to have a job if you don't have any retirement yeah what's the financial um status Kimberly do you guys you said you own your home outright so there's no mortgage or anything on it correct yeah well um I was you know in the earlier days I was working to you know pay a little extra here and there because I'm the you know I'm the one that doesn't want to be in horrendous debt of any kind actually and he used to work a very a very good job and part of it was an investment account that was like a retirement right and and he got to a point where he wanted to start his own business he'd always wanted to do this because his family had done it and they had done it poorly and they fought and they divorced, but it still is a dream of his.

[517] So did he cash out the investments?

[518] So over time, yes, he cashed out almost everything.

[519] So what's left?

[520] He threw into a business about knowing how to run a business.

[521] Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

[522] And Kimberly, you're going to have to set that aside because you got an emergency in front of it.

[523] So what debt?

[524] I know.

[525] No, no, you're fine.

[526] You're fine.

[527] What debt do you guys have?

[528] Any at all?

[529] Any consumer debt, credit cards, car loan?

[530] No. Okay.

[531] We have no debt.

[532] No debt.

[533] And how much money are you?

[534] Property taxes and things like that.

[535] Okay.

[536] Are you working, Kimberly?

[537] Do you work?

[538] I was in order to pay off my hospital debt.

[539] Okay.

[540] Yeah.

[541] horrendously huge.

[542] And I finally got that paid off in it, but it was very hard.

[543] It was just a, how much?

[544] Yeah.

[545] Okay.

[546] Okay.

[547] Okay.

[548] So not in a great position to work.

[549] Okay.

[550] What was he making a year?

[551] no what's he making now yes um to keep you guys crap i should know this no it's fine um 30 000 70000 do any round 30 something 30 something okay okay and that's and that's enough okay so and any investments sorry i know you said he cashed out his to start the business do you have do you have any retirement okay so there's no investments no retirement and does he does he have life insurance nope no okay okay so what i want you to do Kimberly is the the the silver lining from a financial standpoint all of this is you you guys have no debt i mean you don't even have a mortgage so it's you're so that in an end of itself is like that's a relief so what john was saying the four walls i want you to go and do a budget Kimberly and i want you to stay on the line and we're going to give you financial peace university and every dollar premium because i want you to start budgeting and i want you to know to the penny no i do have every dollar already oh you do okay so To know what you.

[552] Thank God for that.

[553] That has been like saving my emotional.

[554] I'm so glad because I think if you have those numbers in front of you of the things you have to do, you have to keep the lights on, the cell phone bill, your insurance, you know, food, gas in the car.

[555] You have all of that.

[556] And that's what you're going to have to look at Kimberly and say, okay, I have to at least make this, right?

[557] When the time comes, I have to at least make this.

[558] And then I would not encourage you to sell the house or even to put in a a ton of repairs right now.

[559] I think you're fine.

[560] What I would do is...

[561] Thank God.

[562] I don't want to do that.

[563] Not right now.

[564] And I wouldn't, unless your roof is linking or something, but like for now, and then, Kimberly, when the time comes, I want you to grieve.

[565] I want you to go through that process and don't make a big financial decision until about six months to a year.

[566] And if in two years, three years, you decide to sell the home and downgrade, takes some of the equity, you can do that.

[567] But don't feel like you have to make these big decisions today.

[568] Today, I just want your four walls covered between now and 18 months.

[569] I'm so sorry.

[570] though.

[571] I'm sorry.

[572] That's the first hour in the books.

[573] We'll be right back on the Ramsey show.

[574] Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey show where we help people with their money, with their work, and with their relationships.

[575] This is a special Valentine's Day episode.

[576] I'm John Deloney joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls on just about anything, but especially if you've got a question about your marriage, about somebody you're dating.

[577] If you have a question about who's right?

[578] We'd love to take that one.

[579] You or them.

[580] Rachel and I will solve it for you.

[581] Triple -8 -8 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[582] It's triple -8 -25 -5 -2 -2 -5.

[583] Let's go out to Los Angeles, California, and talk to Madison.

[584] Hey, Madison, what's up?

[585] My husband and I recently got married.

[586] We are debt -free and about to finish saving our six -month emergency fund.

[587] Good for you guys.

[588] One of our goals is to own a home one day and we want to start investing, but we don't really know where to start.

[589] We want to be good stewards of what the Lord has blessed us with.

[590] What advice would you have for us should we even have the goal of owning a home right now?

[591] You want to buy a home in Los Angeles?

[592] We live about an hour outside of Los Angeles, so not right in the city.

[593] So if you start saving now, you'll be ready in like 2068, probably?

[594] You know, give or take a month or two.

[595] Madd, and how long have you guys been married?

[596] We've been married for three months.

[597] Okay, congratulations.

[598] Y 'all are awesome.

[599] Congratulations.

[600] How old are you guys?

[601] I'm 19 and my husband's 23.

[602] Okay, so great.

[603] And debt -free, fully funded emergency funds right around the corner.

[604] How much you guys making a year?

[605] Combined we make $98 ,000 a year.

[606] $98 ,000.

[607] Okay.

[608] Awesome.

[609] And you're just renting right now?

[610] Yes.

[611] Okay.

[612] So good.

[613] Yeah, I mean, I think owning a home is a great next step.

[614] I mean, John was joking that it's going to, yeah, not really joking, but kind of joking.

[615] It's more like 60 years in the making.

[616] I know, I know.

[617] Have you just priced out for the fun of it, some houses around your area that you guys are like, oh, that would be a great spot to, you know, a great area or type of house?

[618] Like, do you have any idea on price ranges?

[619] Yes, we've been looking a little bit.

[620] I don't.

[621] don't know if we have like a price range right now um but i guess we were more wondering like investments or because we don't currently have any investments you know should we invest and say for a house at the same time how should we do that i don't know what what practically does that look like yeah um well i mean number one you guys are young so i want you to take a little bit of this pressure off of any of this right you you have time to do both you have time to do both you have to save for a house and time for investing.

[622] So just, yeah, I want you to just know, okay, we are way ahead of the game.

[623] So any of this path that you're going to take, you guys are going to be fine, as long as you're consistent with it.

[624] So what I would probably do, Madison, is I would open up some retirement accounts.

[625] If you guys, do you guys have 401K options at work?

[626] Does your employers match at all?

[627] Yes, my husband does.

[628] Okay.

[629] And how much does his employer match up to?

[630] Oh, I'm not sure.

[631] Okay.

[632] So I would find that out.

[633] And then together, yeah, I mean, this is after, you're about to fund your six -month emergency fund.

[634] So we'll just pretend like that's done.

[635] And then moving forward, yeah, I would invest 15 % of your income into retirement because you're not super serious about buying a house right the second.

[636] If you guys had a house in mind and you were like, we have a, you know, somewhat of a down payment.

[637] We want to save more.

[638] We have a goal in 12 months.

[639] We want to put this down.

[640] Like if it's very specific like that, then I would say you're totally fine holding off and investing.

[641] But it's just the idea of a house right now.

[642] So if you're kind of just in that spot, I'm.

[643] I would go ahead and start funding some retirement for the calendar year.

[644] I would both of you guys open up Roth IRAs and I would go ahead and fund 15 % of your income into retirement and go ahead and just start that process.

[645] And then here in the next, I don't know, year, two years, I mean, again, it's not a rush to go in and buy a house.

[646] Renting is okay, especially since you guys are newly married, putting any level of that on you, it's a lot.

[647] So, yeah, I would kind of look around and just kind of see, you know, where you guys want to be, and maybe have it a goal by, you know, maybe next summer, we're going to start really saving for a down payment towards a house.

[648] I mean, I would give yourself about a year.

[649] And again, be looking at prices, be looking at, you know, places around.

[650] But I would go ahead and make it a goal for this calendar year to fund retirement.

[651] And then come 2025, if you want to back off of that 15 % a little bit in order to put more down towards it for a down payment, I would put no less than 5 % down on a 15 -year fix.

[652] rate with your payment being no more than 25 % of your take home pay.

[653] It's kind of our formula that we go by.

[654] Sure.

[655] So run those numbers.

[656] And then in 2025, if you guys really start seeing, okay, that's the kind of house we want, this feels reasonable.

[657] We can save up and, you know, do a 10%, 5%, 15 % down payment, take some extra money.

[658] And if you have to lower that 15 % a little bit during that time, that's okay.

[659] But I wouldn't worry about a house this year.

[660] I don't know.

[661] For me, it's easier to see life and calendar years sometimes.

[662] So, like, just for you guys, you've been married three months, enjoy this year, fund some retirements.

[663] And then in 2025, I would start looking and just say, okay, you know, I mean, that's where you guys are in the process.

[664] But don't feel like you have to rush into anything.

[665] Perfect.

[666] Well, thank you.

[667] Yep, absolutely.

[668] Congratulations, Madison.

[669] You're way, way ahead of the game.

[670] That's fantastic.

[671] Let's go out to Naples, Florida, and talk to Sandy.

[672] What's up, Sandy?

[673] Hi, John.

[674] Hi, Rachel.

[675] How are you today?

[676] So good.

[677] What's up?

[678] Well, I have a head versus heart situation.

[679] I actually have two, but my main situation is I could be debt -free, but in a way I don't want to give up what I'd have to give up to be that way.

[680] So I live in Naples, Florida.

[681] It's beautiful.

[682] It's warm all year round relative to the Cleveland area where I came from.

[683] And I moved here on a job transfer.

[684] I've since left that company, but unfortunately, I was laid off in November of last year.

[685] Small severance, which has ended.

[686] I'm now living off of my savings.

[687] I've done okay.

[688] I'm single, 61, and I imagine I'm going to stay single.

[689] I don't see that changing.

[690] But I bought my condo in 2017 for 169 ,000.

[691] and I owe 122 on it at a rate of 2 .89.

[692] The only other debt I have is a car at 0 % for 60 months.

[693] I owe 10 ,000 and I have that 10 ,000 tucked away in the savings, earning 4 and a quarter.

[694] So my condo today is worth about 305 ,000.

[695] I could sell it myself.

[696] I have the knowledge and ability to do that.

[697] I could probably walk away with about 160 and I could go back home to go back home to my Cleveland area.

[698] I could pay cash for a very modest home or condo there.

[699] Where do you want to be?

[700] You want to be in Naples.

[701] I want to be where it's warm.

[702] Yeah.

[703] That's where I would like to be.

[704] How much do you have in retirement?

[705] So I have in savings and again that includes my $10 ,000 for the car.

[706] I have about $34 ,000.

[707] I have 71 ,000 and two brokerage accounts, and I have 387 ,000 in my 401K.

[708] Okay.

[709] And you imagine you'll be getting another job to bridge some time.

[710] That's the other.

[711] Sandy, you got to get a job.

[712] Yeah, you got to get a job.

[713] Yeah, you got to get this paid off.

[714] I mean, I mean, you could even throw the 71 at it.

[715] Pay off the car today.

[716] Pay off the car today.

[717] And then we're, you know, you may have, yeah, you're going to have to go back for a little bit.

[718] your retirement's great, your account there.

[719] But I would work to pay off that condo, but say where you want to stay.

[720] Yeah, don't sell your condo.

[721] Get out of debt.

[722] Sol for freedom.

[723] This is the Ramsey Show.

[724] 885 -5 -225.

[725] Hey, listen, if you are concerned about the economy and you just see your neighbor pulling into their, your nice middle -class neighborhood in a car that you, like, how do you, how, how, how, How are you affording that?

[726] Why would you do?

[727] And you just wish people around you had the wisdom of this show.

[728] For no money, you don't have to, you don't have to send any money.

[729] You know, all you have to do is like or subscribe the show.

[730] It puts the show up into the algorithms and it kicks it into the feeds of your neighbors, into their podcast feeds, into their YouTube feeds.

[731] It just sends the show everywhere.

[732] And the more people who subscribe and like, and I know it's a pain of the butt.

[733] I know it sometimes you have to log in.

[734] It's worth it for everybody.

[735] It puts the show in front of more people.

[736] And so for everybody.

[737] It's a, it's a, it just doesn't cost anything to help out your neighbor.

[738] And share, share the podcast though, too.

[739] I mean, I get my crime podcast that I listen to from friends, even here at the office.

[740] And we'll send each other podcasts that we love.

[741] So if you love it.

[742] Or if there's an episode, you think, ooh, my mom needs to hear the senator, right?

[743] Or a buddy that, you know, this marriage sounds like yours.

[744] Send it to him.

[745] Be careful.

[746] And make sure to tell him that.

[747] Be careful with that.

[748] But yeah, that's right.

[749] Hey, let's go out to Honolulu and talk to the M -A -X.

[750] What's up, Max?

[751] Hey, how are you doing?

[752] Thank you for taking my call.

[753] You bet.

[754] How's Hawaii, Max?

[755] That's nice.

[756] It's nice.

[757] You're not Max Holloway, are you?

[758] One of my heroes?

[759] No. All right.

[760] What's up?

[761] I was calling because something happened where my brother, kind of holds a lot of anger towards me because he got fired from his job and I had to take it over.

[762] And I'm getting ready to move out now and I'm worried it's going to cause like more family disconnect.

[763] So I'm just trying to get some help like navigating the situation.

[764] Is it a family business?

[765] It's like it's like a financial and family thing.

[766] I mean or the business?

[767] No, it's somebody we know that he worked for.

[768] What is it?

[769] What kind of job?

[770] What kind of business is it?

[771] It's a it's a pool cleaning job.

[772] I take home about like 50 years So it's pretty good 50 a year And why did he get fired?

[773] He had gone on a trip for an extended leave And I was covering it for him And the boss at the end of it Decided to fire him and offered me the job Oh man So you did a better job?

[774] Oh It was just like he didn't like break a rule You just outclean the pools And the boss was like I kind of want you instead There were some issues with him and that was a part of it.

[775] I'm not sure if my brother would even be let back after anyways.

[776] Okay, okay.

[777] So what is his beef with you, that you weren't right or die?

[778] Like, yeah, forget these guys.

[779] Is that the beef?

[780] I think what happened was he's just feeling like he lost out on a good opportunity.

[781] He did.

[782] He wasn't a good worker.

[783] He wanted somebody to blame for it, and it's me. He wants to blame me for it instead of himself.

[784] All right.

[785] And I'm okay with that.

[786] The main issue is the money from the job helps financially support my family.

[787] It comes from like a single mom household.

[788] And I'm 19.

[789] I'm trying to move out and be on my own, which would mean that I wouldn't have the same amount of money for my mom anymore.

[790] And I'm worried that's going to create even more of a family disconnect.

[791] So I don't really know what to do.

[792] What's your mom do?

[793] She's a cleaner.

[794] She works like two jobs cleaning.

[795] Okay.

[796] How much does she make?

[797] Um, I'm not sure exactly.

[798] I think I went over it with her one time.

[799] Okay.

[800] How much is she, how much difference does she need?

[801] Does she, like how much are you covering the bills in the house?

[802] I'm contributing about, it was about $1 ,500 who I was paying off some debt on the water bill.

[803] And then now it's like to about 1 ,300.

[804] I pay some of rent.

[805] I buy all of our food.

[806] And I cover the, the water.

[807] Is she, does she have other struggles, Max?

[808] No, I mean, I think...

[809] Like with addiction or with mental health challenges?

[810] Do what?

[811] No, I don't...

[812] Sorry, what was that?

[813] I'm asking, does she have...

[814] No, not with addiction or mental health.

[815] Okay, so...

[816] She just...

[817] Yeah.

[818] Why have you become the caretaker of your mom?

[819] I think it's just...

[820] It's really expensive here, and it's hard to afford to live out here if you aren't making hundreds of thousands of...

[821] a dollar a year.

[822] And I have two, the main thing is that I, my mom, I think she'd be found on her own, but I have two younger sisters, and that's where I feel weird leaving.

[823] I feel like I'm abandoning them.

[824] How old are they?

[825] They're 11.

[826] They turned 11 yesterday.

[827] Is it at a point where you need to sit down with your mom and have a hard conversation about the financial realities?

[828] So I have about six months ago, and I've been keeping up, I told her six months ago I plan on moving out of market.

[829] okay um and she hasn't really done any much action towards like figuring out another situation so i don't know like if i should just stay and keep helping so that we can stay they can stay in their house or if i should just go on and you know put my oxygen mask on before there's you know man well i just feel like max that i mean you've put yourself in a caretakers role at 19 you know what i mean for and it's heroic right in one sense I mean you've really stepped up and helped your mom but this will be your whole life unless something else changes and I feel like that's unfair to you in your life in your future family um to feel like you have to be the one to carry this burden and and I understand obviously why that is but long term I just don't think it's it's fair for you to play this role?

[830] Yeah, I think I've come to a similar conclusion.

[831] I just feel like I'm like...

[832] Sure, yeah, what do you do?

[833] Is your mom, like, lose the house with your two little sisters, right?

[834] Yeah, and then it's like, where do they go?

[835] We have family here, and I'm sure they could move in with my grandparents or something.

[836] But hold on, hold on.

[837] Your mom also plays an integral part of this.

[838] If you told me, hey, my mom really struggles with addiction and my mom struggles with some mental or emotional health disorders, then I would tell you, like, man life handed you a mess and it's just it might be a season right it may be that you're going to stay at home for a few years and see these these young girls until they get older right that's not the case your mom's making some choices on a daily basis as to where she's going to work and how much money she's going to make and what she's going to ask of her 19 year old son and so you're making decisions for an adult and that's not your job your job is unfortunately you've been cast in the role to make sure your 11 year old little sister I have food and water, which is never your job, but here we are, right?

[839] And so, man, you're a, you're a man of a noble character.

[840] But I want you to hear what Rachel's saying, five years from now, what would be better?

[841] For you to have started pool cleaning and also gone to get a couple of community college classes on the side, and five years from now, you've got an associate's degree, and now you've got four employees of your own and you're making $200 ,000, or you're still making $50 ,000, this guy had to lay you off because business got slow and now you're making $35 ,000 and you're in the same bedroom and the same house except you're 24 years old.

[842] Like if you think on a longer time horizon, what's the best thing you can do for your family?

[843] It might be to go spread your wings and fly.

[844] I think so too.

[845] I think I just needed some, like, I didn't even have not feel like I was crazy.

[846] No, you're not crazy.

[847] You're going to feel guilty.

[848] Because it sounds unkind.

[849] Yeah, it sounds unkind.

[850] You're going to feel guilty.

[851] Yeah, like it sounds like, oh my gosh, I'm abandoning my family.

[852] But what I want to relieve you of is that was never supposed to be your role.

[853] And like John said, if there was like a dire situation of something, that's another conversation.

[854] But, but yeah, I mean, like, it's a grown -up problem that your mom who has two daughters at home.

[855] should be the one calling the show and saying, I can't pay my bills.

[856] What can I do?

[857] And looking at her budget and all of that.

[858] And I think you can help guide that, Max, but you can't even change the way she handles money either because you don't have that ability.

[859] We don't have the ability to change people.

[860] Here's where I think you can get some peace in this transaction, okay?

[861] Number one, you're going to feel guilty.

[862] Just know that's coming.

[863] Okay?

[864] You may have heard me say this on the show.

[865] Choose guilt over resentment every time.

[866] If you just stay there and with her, you're going to resent your mom, and that's not fair to her.

[867] So choose guilt.

[868] The second thing is, come up with a number and sit down and tell your mom for six months, I'm going to send $1 ,000 home.

[869] I'm going to send $750 home and make sure that everybody's clear on when this money is coming and give her a ramp.

[870] You'll sleep a little better at night, I think, and it's going to be not just a cutoff, but it will be a peaceful departure.

[871] I'm sorry, my brother.

[872] Let us know if we can help.

[873] Thank you.

[874] This is the Ramsey Show, AAA 825 -5 -225.

[875] Our question of the day is brought to you by neighborly, your hub for home services.

[876] Nothing can ruin your Valentine's Day faster than a plumbing emergency.

[877] Honey, I flushed and it didn't go down.

[878] Wow.

[879] Talk about ruining Valentine's Day.

[880] For over 50 years, Mr. Ruder plumbing has been helping homeowners with upfront pricing in the most stress -free plumbing experience possible.

[881] You know who a hero without a cape is?

[882] A plumber.

[883] A guy who shows up on Valentine's.

[884] There's a clogged toilet and he just, he winks at the door and he goes, I got you.

[885] You called neighborly, didn't you?

[886] And we're like, yes.

[887] And then he saves the day.

[888] Go to neighborly .com slash Ramsey to find a locally owned Mr. Ruder plumbing.

[889] If and when, it goes sideways.

[890] Today's question comes from Ella.

[891] in Minnesota.

[892] Ella, Ella, umbrella.

[893] What's up?

[894] My boyfriend of 12 years listens to you all the time.

[895] We have three daughters together, but he doesn't want to get married as he doesn't want us to pay for a wedding or risk paying alimony if we ever split up.

[896] He thinks this is in line with the baby steps theory.

[897] What do you think?

[898] I don't think we've ever said that, this is the greatest question ever.

[899] I like that she blames it on the baby steps.

[900] And the baby steps are just a theory.

[901] Or that he thinks that.

[902] I think Dave just, his head exploded in the other country where he is right now.

[903] I think he just, like, he was like, I got a bad headache because somebody called the Baby Steps of Theory.

[904] I love it.

[905] Ella, you need to...

[906] You know, are basically married.

[907] You're playing married.

[908] 12 years together, kids together.

[909] Your boyfriend is a child and you all need to have a hard conversation because this ends, unfortunately, this ends in a pretty gnarly way.

[910] he is married to you he lives with you y 'all have three kids you've created humans together and he's holding on to this not no dude no we're just dating just dating dude because uh i don't want to pay if it by the way he would pay alimony there's a thing called common law marriage and i don't know what the rules are in minnesota but he's gonna pay you can't just have three kids and be like no bro i'm out no dude no i found somebody else at the bowling alley or wherever this dude hangs out um so yeah i i don't think this has anything to do with the baby steps i think that's to do with a man who is playing some kind of weird vocabulary gymnastics in his mind and pretending he's not married, but he really is.

[911] Yep.

[912] Yeah, it just, it feels like a level of immaturity to me because I'm like, okay, pay for a wedding.

[913] You don't really even have to do a wedding.

[914] Let's just be honest.

[915] Like you're fine.

[916] Yeah, like you're fine.

[917] It's more the alimony or whatever it is, but to John's point, yeah.

[918] You're going to pay.

[919] And no, in the baby steps, we would tell you, like, get married for multiple reasons, but get married.

[920] And so there's not a particular marriage baby step in the baby steps theory.

[921] But, yeah, we would recommend that you get married before you start having kids and buy a house together.

[922] Because as this man did wisely point out, it makes things real complicated financially if you don't have a plan.

[923] And there's not business protections on the back end.

[924] Yep, that's right.

[925] Oh, boy.

[926] Ella Ella umbrella.

[927] You need to sit down and say, we're getting married or else.

[928] Let's go out to Detroit Rock City and talk to Andrew.

[929] What's up, Andrew?

[930] How are we doing?

[931] Hey, guys.

[932] Thanks for taking my call today.

[933] You got it, man. Thanks for calling.

[934] What's up?

[935] So, I guess long short, my wife was diagnosed with cancer back in July.

[936] Oh, man. Because of that happening.

[937] I started going through mental health stuff on my own.

[938] Basically had kind of what is a manic episode.

[939] And maxed out all my credit cards not really caring what happened.

[940] and now I am stuck with regret and $15 ,000 in credit card debt.

[941] What kind of cancer, man?

[942] It was ovarian cancer, so due to that, we're not able to have natural kids anymore, so we're looking at adoption, and me being $15 ,000 in debt doesn't help with paying for adoption.

[943] Yeah, but let's do this all in order.

[944] As a family, y 'all got hit in the mouth, right?

[945] Mm -hmm, yep.

[946] How old are you guys?

[947] we're both 25 I'm about to be 26 And did you go in for Hey we want to start a family And you'll have a big exciting time And you planned it out And then you started trying to have a family And then she went to the OBGYA in and found this out Is that how that happened?

[948] Exactly That's exactly how it happened Okay So you have to stop right there for a minute And just grieve this Everything in your life is different now The debt, we'll get to the debt But we have to own this part Now did she have surgery and she's clear?

[949] Yeah, so we just found out a couple weeks ago.

[950] The pet scan came back good.

[951] Yes.

[952] So now she's just got to keep all the scans, yep.

[953] Excellent.

[954] Excellent, excellent.

[955] I'm thankful for that.

[956] And so you may have had, but someone who classified as a manic episode or whatever, however you want to diagnose it, here's that I want to give you another picture to that.

[957] What if your body's just working perfectly?

[958] What if it just went on the, it just went into hyperdrive for a minute?

[959] and you did some dumb things and now the smoke is clearing and we're back yep right yeah so let's don't carry a regret moving forward let's just pay this stupid 15K off and move on you see what I'm saying like and I'm minimizing it on purpose you did something dumb yeah you did okay cool let's solve this problem and move on this problem doesn't define you that moment of cancer doesn't define your wife or your family you all had these dreams of biological kids it's not going to happen.

[960] So cool, we're going to go to the adoption.

[961] See what I'm saying?

[962] Like, we're just going to look at the next thing in front of us.

[963] I'm not going to carry old cinder blocks with me. I'm not going to do it, man. Life's too heavy moving forward to carry old crap with us.

[964] Yep.

[965] How does that sound?

[966] Does that sound cheesy and lame?

[967] Are you hearing what I'm saying?

[968] No, I'm getting that.

[969] I'm hearing what you're saying.

[970] That's awesome.

[971] Yeah, because there's a level of what John's saying that, yeah, what you've done in the past, it doesn't have to define you, Andrew.

[972] And the thing is, in one instance, I'm like, you know, there is light because it's not like, oh gosh, I've struggled with overspending for the last three years.

[973] And now I've realized I have to face it.

[974] It came in a point of crisis and a point of pain.

[975] And that's how you chose to cope and to keep yourself alive in that situation, right?

[976] I mean, like, through all of that.

[977] Yeah, your body said, numb, numb, numb.

[978] And you're like, all right.

[979] Yeah, he's did it this way.

[980] And yeah.

[981] And it was it, you know, the best thing ever?

[982] No, but you may not have had the tools to do otherwise.

[983] So this is where we're at.

[984] And so I think kind of just setting all that down and saying, okay, how do we move forward now?

[985] How much do you guys make, Andrew, a year?

[986] Well, she wasn't working throughout the whole thing, so I was bringing in about $45 ,000 a year.

[987] Okay.

[988] She's getting ready to go back to work, and she brings in around $60.

[989] Okay, great.

[990] What do you do for a living?

[991] I'm a mechanic.

[992] Okay.

[993] And what other debt do you guys have?

[994] We own a house.

[995] I think that's like $160.

[996] Okay.

[997] And then she's got some student loans from nursing school.

[998] How much are those?

[999] I want to say around 90 ,000.

[1000] Okay.

[1001] I'm not positive, though.

[1002] Okay.

[1003] Yeah, well, I want you guys to get on the same page on how much you guys owe total.

[1004] And was there anything with the credit cards that you bought that you're like, hey, I can just turn around and sell a bunch of this stuff?

[1005] Or return it?

[1006] Yeah, we kind of went down this route.

[1007] I've already basically sold everything that I. could.

[1008] Okay.

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] I mean, I think when I began paying some of them off, but okay.

[1011] So yeah, and how many cards total?

[1012] Was it three, four?

[1013] I think it was like, I think it was four or five.

[1014] Four or five, okay.

[1015] All the payments are just like piling up for a month.

[1016] Yep.

[1017] Okay.

[1018] So what I would do, Andrews, I would split all of those up into four to five payments.

[1019] Like whatever each card is, look at that and and line them up, smallest to largest and then throw her student loan debt in there too.

[1020] And this is your family's snowballed.

[1021] That snowballed.

[1022] This is what we're going to pay off and have it all together.

[1023] And then you guys sit down together and, you know, and Andrew, I think that there is something, I don't know, this is healthy or unhealthy, so John can correct me. But if I'm your wife and, you know, and just walk through all of that, you're grieving the fact that you're not going to be a mom.

[1024] Now there's a little bit of that financial burden that's there of the 15 ,000 extra in debt.

[1025] If I were in her shoes and you came to the table with a plan and said, okay, here's, here's a sample budget.

[1026] We're going to do this together.

[1027] But like, I just ran some quick numbers.

[1028] We could save this per month.

[1029] We could be out of debt next amount.

[1030] And I, and I'm going to work extra.

[1031] I'm going to put in an extra three nights, two nights, Saturday per month.

[1032] That's going to bring in this much more so we can get out of debt this much faster.

[1033] Like, there's something about the proactiveness, Andrew and you to run some numbers, look at it and come to her with a plan, not a finished plan, that this is what we're going to do.

[1034] You're not going to tell her.

[1035] This is what we're going to do.

[1036] but you're going to say, here's an idea of kind of where we're at.

[1037] I want your feedback.

[1038] But seeing the proactiveness from you, I think she will give her a level of safety that you want out as bad as you're saying with a plan.

[1039] Hang on the line.

[1040] We're going to send you every dollar app for a year on us, the premium version, and we're going to hook you all up with FPU.

[1041] This is the Ramsey Show.

[1042] Welcome back.

[1043] AAA 825 -5 -2 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[1044] It's got to Fresno, California, and talk to Jason.

[1045] Hey, Jason, what's up, man?

[1046] Hey, I just basically just looking to see if you guys think that I'm in a position to be able to buy a new car or a new to me car.

[1047] I know that's not usually a good thing to be doing, but I just feel like I'm kind of in a position in my life where I can do that, and I'm wondering if you guys think so too, or I guess, you know, how much is enough when you're wealth -building at some point?

[1048] you go get something that you enjoy because, you know, life's short.

[1049] I just, yeah.

[1050] No, I think it's great.

[1051] And we love cars around here.

[1052] I feel like people think we just like hate cars and tell people sell cars at the time, which we do because usually people can't afford them.

[1053] But we love a good car.

[1054] So we're not mad at cars.

[1055] So what's your, what's your situation?

[1056] Do you have any debt?

[1057] I do.

[1058] I have about $140 ,000 with the debt on a rental property.

[1059] Okay.

[1060] But it does cash flow, but it is cash flow positive every month.

[1061] And the interest rate is so low on it.

[1062] that I bought it, luckily, in 2020, when interest rates were super low.

[1063] And I just feel like I've had some advisors to my life that have said that...

[1064] Oh, I'm sure.

[1065] Sorry.

[1066] Go ahead.

[1067] Totally.

[1068] How much do you make a year?

[1069] Right around 400 grand a year.

[1070] Nice.

[1071] Jason, what do you do?

[1072] So this is going to be a weird one, but I actually race cars for a living.

[1073] And that's another question that I had.

[1074] Because it's such a high -risk occupation, if it's not a...

[1075] good idea because of that as well because any moment I could get hurt or something crazy could happen with that.

[1076] Yeah, I mean, I know there's like a Netflix documentary about like Formula One racing.

[1077] I don't know much about racing.

[1078] Okay, so can I just like ask, I'm just curious, is it like sponsorship deals that you get?

[1079] Are you, are you, do you win races and there's cash prizes?

[1080] Like, how are you making 400 doing this?

[1081] Correct.

[1082] Yeah, your second guess there was exactly how it works.

[1083] Okay.

[1084] Okay.

[1085] Very cool.

[1086] That's awesome.

[1087] How old are you?

[1088] I'm 27.

[1089] 27.

[1090] Okay.

[1091] That's great, Jason.

[1092] Do you have a primary residence that's paid off?

[1093] I do, yeah.

[1094] I do.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] So you have no other debt other than this one rental property?

[1097] Yeah, I have another rental property that's paid off as well.

[1098] Okay.

[1099] Good for you.

[1100] Yeah, I mean, I would make it a goal to pay this rental off as soon as possible.

[1101] I mean, I think having just paid off properties, you know, to your name is amazing.

[1102] So I would work to pay this off.

[1103] I mean, I'm okay if you keep it just because of your income is so great.

[1104] So what kind of car are you looking at?

[1105] Or what price range?

[1106] I want to get a, the price range is probably like right around 50 grand, which I've got some money saved up.

[1107] Like I wouldn't have to, I wouldn't necessarily have to finance or anything like that.

[1108] I do, you know, yearly contribute to a 401K, and that's gotten built up fairly decent now.

[1109] So I feel like I'm in a good place, but I'm always so nervous because I feel like my income could fluctuate depending on circumstances of, like I said before.

[1110] And on top of that, it's like I just never know, like, it wins enough enough.

[1111] I drive, you know, basically the car I bought after I graduated from high school.

[1112] I think it was a rental car.

[1113] I bought it for $15 ,000, and I did cash for that.

[1114] But I just...

[1115] Dude, you're awesome, Jason.

[1116] Yeah.

[1117] How much money do you have just saved?

[1118] Maybe just in a high -old savings or something.

[1119] Yeah, so I did it in a high -old savings, and that's part of the reason why I'm debating on doing this or not, because I don't want to take it out of there necessarily.

[1120] But, like I said, life short...

[1121] I've seen friends of mine crash and accidents and not be here anymore, so it's like...

[1122] but I've probably got about $100, right around $185 ,000 saved up.

[1123] I think you can buy this car, Jason.

[1124] Here's our rule of thumb.

[1125] Our rule of thumb is if you have a net worth of a million dollars.

[1126] And you're about there.

[1127] Well, and that's a brand new car.

[1128] Is this a brand new car, the $50 ,000?

[1129] I mean, so if I bought a brand new, it'd probably be about $50 ,000.

[1130] I could probably get a used one for $45K, $40K, but I want something that's newly used.

[1131] that I wouldn't want, like, a demo vehicle or something like that.

[1132] I'm just, I'm not interested.

[1133] Like, if I buy this vehicle, it's not going to be one that I'm going to go get another one in two years.

[1134] Like, I'm going to keep it until the wheels fall off, or at least until it's really old.

[1135] So I just feel like if I want to go get something that I want, and so I'm going to go get it.

[1136] Yeah, no, I hear you.

[1137] Jason, go get a car.

[1138] Go get a car.

[1139] And pay your rental house off.

[1140] Yeah.

[1141] Live on 200 and pay it off this year.

[1142] Here's your greatest hedge against something coming.

[1143] And by the way, you bring up a. a great point, brother, and I just want to hit this.

[1144] You make $400 ,000 a year racing cars, and people are going to look at you and you think this, like, man, I'm in a job that anything can happen to any day and I'm out of a job.

[1145] That's true.

[1146] And there are people who go to $400 ,000 a year jobs at their hospital or at their law firm, and they think, I'm in a secure job.

[1147] They're not.

[1148] And we know this because we talk to them all the time, where the hospital lays them off or they have to go on furlough or the law firm downsizes or whatever's going on.

[1149] And so I think there's this illusion, Jason, that everybody, there's some jobs that are super stable and some that just are kind of fly by night.

[1150] Everybody needs to look at their risk portfolio and say, hey, am I just hanging out in the wind?

[1151] And if you don't owe anybody any money and then you can't race anymore, awesome.

[1152] Do you have two paid off rental houses plus your property plus a nice $50 ,000 car that you can drive for the next 10 years?

[1153] bro, you're set up.

[1154] You could go work at a grocery store for the rest of your life and you'd be all right.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] You see what I'm saying?

[1157] Yeah, that's true.

[1158] I just always, I just always get nervous.

[1159] I watch my parents grow up and struggle at times, and I just never want to be, I want to, I'm only 27, I'm probably going to get engaged pretty soon, and I'm always in this constant battle in my head of, do I go spend money and go get a car, or do I have to, you know, do I keep building well to the point where, you know, I never have to worry about money, and my kids are going to be okay forever.

[1160] And I'm just, yeah, it's totally a constant battle with my head.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] And what I would say to you, Jason, is you can do both of those things.

[1163] Right.

[1164] You can do both.

[1165] You don't have to pick one.

[1166] And I think understanding that giving needs to be a part of your plan, too.

[1167] You need to be saving, which you're really great at.

[1168] And you need to enjoy some of this, right?

[1169] You're working hard for it and risking your life, literally, driving this car.

[1170] So be, you know, those three things have to be part of your.

[1171] plan.

[1172] I want you to be giving some.

[1173] I want you to, the saving is there and, and go and spend it and enjoy.

[1174] And I think that this is one of those things that you have to build into your rhythm to know that you're going to be okay.

[1175] You can spend some money and you're going to be okay.

[1176] And the amount of savings with the rentals and, yeah, and what you have in your for, yeah, your income, yeah, your retirement, all of it.

[1177] Yeah.

[1178] Just so you know from where we're sitting, the fact that you make 400 grand a year and you have a paid for a house and you've come up with the number of about $50 ,000 that tells me that you're being super, super wise because that's just a small percentage of your income and you got cash that you've been saving up and saving up and saving up.

[1179] And most of the time on the show we have people who call in and they make $28 .5 and they have a $50 ,000 truck, right?

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] And so that's not you.

[1182] You're a wise kid.

[1183] The only thing I would tell you is I know you got a killer interest rate it's amazing and everybody around you's like bro you should invest the gap and then you can take home 7 % you're the one that goes to bed at night knowing hey this could all go away tomorrow and I still have a house note over there yeah right so just get rid of the house note yeah okay solve for peace you've been solving to survive for a long time because you watch how your parents live you've done that you've solved to survive now let's start solving for freedom let's solve for peace I'm not going to owe nobody anything because I'm freaking Jason I'm a race car driver right you see like it just sounds cooler right yeah yeah yeah I appreciate that thank you brother that's so good man that's awesome congratulations well done yeah thank you very much I appreciate the advice to and that was going to be my next question about the rental property and yeah it makes a total if I'm you I pay that off today and I go buy a car this weekend yeah those are your two goals and then you can just drive around in your new car looking around and wondering how many other people who are 27 at the stoplight next to you have three paid for houses and I'm going to tell you very very few of them very few of man wow so great it's amazing it's impressive that is so so so impressive yeah and even you know with the rental conversation always remember people it is it's a it's a part -time job it's a great investment when you get to that point of babysat seven to diversify and have some other things you're investing in investing in investing real estate's a great one but but just do it with cash and do it slowly.

[1184] But Jason's in a great position to be able to completely pay it off.

[1185] That's another hour in the books right here on the Ramsey Show.

[1186] Stay tuned.

[1187] We'll be back soon.

[1188] Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money.

[1189] We help people build wealth, do work they love, and create incredible relationships.

[1190] I'm John Deloney joined by my friend Rachel Cruz on a special Valentine's Day edition of the Ramsey Show.

[1191] your calls on money, life, work, marriage, all of it.

[1192] Triple -8 -8 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[1193] That's AAA -8 -25 -5 -2 -25.

[1194] And real quick, before we go to the phones, join us in Nashville for our brand new total money makeover weekend on May 10th and 11th.

[1195] It's an entire awesome weekend.

[1196] There's millions of you out there who've been listening for a while and you're still sitting on the sidelines.

[1197] No more sitting around.

[1198] Some of y 'all found us on YouTube and you've just been binging the show.

[1199] It's time to come experience this whole thing live.

[1200] It's time to take action.

[1201] In just one weekend, you're going to get a crash course on everything we teach about money.

[1202] You'll hear all brand new stuff from Ramsey personalities on budgeting, beating debt, investing, and more.

[1203] No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt to keep progress on making your goals.

[1204] There's a fire under your butt.

[1205] That's such a Dave line.

[1206] Let's go a lot of fire under your butt.

[1207] wrote that copy.

[1208] There's going to be live Q &A's all throughout the weekend, so bring your questions, and there's something different about at our events.

[1209] They're actually fun.

[1210] We have a blast.

[1211] You'll have a blast.

[1212] Early bird tickets are just 99 bucks, but they're only for a limited time.

[1213] If you want to get the best deal on tickets, this will be it.

[1214] And the Ramsey Event Center only holds 2 ,400 people, and people will come from all over the planet.

[1215] So there's limited seats, so you don't want to wait to get your tickets.

[1216] Get your tickets now at Ramsey Solutions .com slash events.

[1217] Light of fire under your butt.

[1218] I think you made that up.

[1219] I didn't even see it.

[1220] No, it's in there.

[1221] Look at this.

[1222] No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt.

[1223] My booty.

[1224] I need to Preparation 8.

[1225] Let's go out to San Antonio, Texas.

[1226] And talk to Keith.

[1227] Hey, Keith, what's up?

[1228] Hey, good afternoon to you, too.

[1229] I'm calling because I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to get my wife actually gazelle intent and not -ish.

[1230] Okay.

[1231] How have you tried?

[1232] Is she there, Keith, by chance?

[1233] No, no. Oh, man. I was like this would be a fun convoy.

[1234] I want to hear her opinions on you, Keith.

[1235] Oh, no, I'm just kidding.

[1236] Well, a little bit of what's going on Right now I'm in between going from my primary job to my side hustle.

[1237] And I've pretty much let her do everything financially as far as paying the bills and anything else.

[1238] I break in as much money as I can.

[1239] Hey, Keith, hey Keith, do me a favor.

[1240] Talk directly into your phone, brother.

[1241] Well, I thought I would.

[1242] I am.

[1243] All right, there you go.

[1244] It was just all mumbled.

[1245] Yeah.

[1246] All right, so she's been doing all the money stuff?

[1247] Yeah, she's been handling the paying the bills and everything.

[1248] And I do commend her.

[1249] She does keep up with everything.

[1250] I mean, we are not late on anything and, you know, things are getting paid, no problem.

[1251] Where I'm having a hard time is I'm putting in minimum 60 hours a week between my main job and the side hustle, and she just has her one job, and that's it.

[1252] Between the two of us, our net take -home pay is 100 to 110 a year, and 78 of that is just from me. And it's just real hard when...

[1253] Does she take care of the house?

[1254] Yeah, and that's why I'm all.

[1255] also having a hard time is, but have you guys, have you guys sat down and done a, have you guys set down and done a budget together, Keith, and said, hey, here's how much we make as a household every month.

[1256] And here is what we're going to agree on of like, hey, yep, we both feel good about this, that this is where the money's going.

[1257] Have you all done that?

[1258] Well, for the longest time, we've had a budget.

[1259] We've got a crazy detailed Excel spreadsheet we've done.

[1260] But that's not the problem here.

[1261] The problem here is that you don't, think she's pulling as much weight as you and you're starting to resent her why well it's not so much that she's not pulling as much weight it's uh that she's not uh fully committed to getting the the uh debt gotten rid of that's why i was asking though keith if have you have you guys set down together and said okay here is exactly where our money's going and we're going to agree this much money extra is going to pay off debt we have in the past but then things slap us in the face known as life and we fall off of our baby steps and then let's see you know we're just back into the normal people life.

[1262] Okay, Ben, in that answer, you said we, so that sounds like both of you.

[1263] But on the other time, you're telling me it's her that keeps doing this.

[1264] Well, no, no, no. For like, I don't know, the last six months I've been trying is where I'm at.

[1265] right now.

[1266] Okay.

[1267] And I don't think she's gotten out of the last funk we had.

[1268] Okay.

[1269] Yet.

[1270] How much debt do you have, man?

[1271] Without our mortgage, it's about 73 ,000.

[1272] Okay.

[1273] And what is it?

[1274] What's what what's all the debt?

[1275] Uh, the biggest two are credit cards, one, one that's in her name, one that's in my name.

[1276] How much are on those?

[1277] Fifty -two thousand.

[1278] Oh my gosh, what'd y 'all get?

[1279] What'd you buy?

[1280] There are credit cards that we've had for a while, and it's whether it be her van meeting a new engine, my truck meeting engine rebuild or rear end replaced or...

[1281] Okay, okay.

[1282] So I'm going to just call a little bit of a flag here, and I think it's both of your issues, Keith.

[1283] I mean, you may be putting in more hours, and I think...

[1284] I'm not going to...

[1285] I'm not going to argue that at all.

[1286] Okay, okay.

[1287] So, yes, I think it gets to a point, Keith, that you both have to sit down and say, we're done with this.

[1288] Like, we're cutting up the credit cards.

[1289] Debt's not an option anymore.

[1290] If something happens to the car, we're down to a one car family.

[1291] Like, like, I mean, you get to this point that you're just like, I, we are done.

[1292] We are done with playing this game.

[1293] We are just normal with $52 ,000 in credit card debt, right?

[1294] I mean, like, there gets to a point that you just have to say, we can't keep living like this.

[1295] And when you come together.

[1296] I literally just cut mine up.

[1297] okay yeah well and I thought I had some charges on there and I called the bank and said I cancel the card kill the kill the yeah then you all need you all need to have a sweet romantic Valentine's night tonight where you both sit down and lay it out and honestly and tell her where you're at like tell her not just this is what I want to do but it's like man I'm so tired I'm so tired I feel like I'm working so much and I don't feel progress not to blame on her but of the habits you guys have created together as a family.

[1298] And it's this point of how are you feeling about that, right?

[1299] I mean, where's the fear in it?

[1300] Where's the, you're scared?

[1301] I mean, like, you guys talk about where you're at in life because this isn't working.

[1302] She knows it's not working.

[1303] And you guys get into these ruts at different times and suddenly you're out of the rut.

[1304] She's still in it.

[1305] But it goes back and forth is what it seems like.

[1306] And it's kind of like, hey, let's paint a picture for our future and what we want together.

[1307] That needs to be the conversation tonight, Keith.

[1308] Welcome back, and guess what?

[1309] Money and Marriage Getaway is back this fall, October 24th through 26.

[1310] Me and Rachel are going to be hosting.

[1311] We're running it back.

[1312] The Money and Marriage weekend that was such a hit, we are running it back, and we are super excited.

[1313] Platinum tickets are gone.

[1314] They created some VIP tickets.

[1315] They had to move some tables around because those were gone too, but they've added a few more.

[1316] And Ramsey Solutions .com slash events.

[1317] one of the key parts of the money marriage event.

[1318] And by the way, a couple of couples showed up and they were engaged.

[1319] They're about to be married.

[1320] And then there were also a number of couples who were new empty nesters.

[1321] There's a couple of couples who'd been married for decades and everybody in between.

[1322] So if you're like, ah, we're too old or we're too young or we're about to get married or we're really struggling, there was a couple of couples that found out some really gnarly things about their marriage on the way.

[1323] to the event and almost turned around and went home.

[1324] Yep.

[1325] So it's for everybody.

[1326] Everybody, wherever you are, whatever stage you're in.

[1327] But a cornerstone is the Q &A, is people coming and saying, okay, what about our family?

[1328] And it's cool to watch all these couples lift each other up and to be like, ooh, yeah, that is crazy.

[1329] And Rachel and I talk about our personal families, but we get a bunch of questions.

[1330] We didn't answer all of them last year.

[1331] And so we've got a few that are left here.

[1332] So Rachel, I'm going to pose one of the questions that an attention.

[1333] Andy asked last year that we didn't answer live.

[1334] All right, here we go.

[1335] My husband and I share bank accounts and Amazon accounts.

[1336] Do you have any tricks or tips to buy gifts for your spouse and keep it a surprise?

[1337] Yes.

[1338] How do you trick Winston?

[1339] People are always like, we need separate accounts because we got to buy gifts.

[1340] I'm like, oh my gosh.

[1341] Okay, so first, very easy.

[1342] If there is a celebration coming up, a birthday, Christmas, you know you're, you're going to be buying each other gifts.

[1343] So go get a Visa gift card and go buy the gift with a V - they won't know where it's from, but they know you're going to be spending money.

[1344] So that's one way.

[1345] And then if you wanted an absolute complete surprise, which Winston did on our anniversary this year, he actually had a friend buy it and then paid them back.

[1346] You know, it was like, yeah, here's the money.

[1347] And I'll just vim -mo you the day, you know, I give her the gift.

[1348] So multiple times over my marriage, my friend Todd and my friend John has bought a thing that I sent them and shipped to their house.

[1349] Totally, yes.

[1350] And they hold it for me. Yep, that's right.

[1351] Yep.

[1352] I did that for my mom for concert tickets to surprise them.

[1353] Yeah.

[1354] And my mom got them.

[1355] My wife and I do a crazy thing.

[1356] And here's how it goes.

[1357] My wife will say, hey, it's your birthday.

[1358] I just ordered something.

[1359] Don't look.

[1360] Yeah, yeah.

[1361] And I'll go, okay.

[1362] Just because I know we're crazy, but we're adults.

[1363] But she'll say like, hey, there's a package coming.

[1364] Don't open it.

[1365] And I'll go, okay.

[1366] And then we I know.

[1367] Yes.

[1368] Yes.

[1369] Yes.

[1370] We've done that too.

[1371] I know.

[1372] So it's pretty easy to solve.

[1373] How do we do it?

[1374] I hear people be like, we don't want same accounts because if we want to surprise each other.

[1375] And I'm like, oh my gosh.

[1376] To live a full life together.

[1377] America.

[1378] Let's go out to Salt Lake City to the Utes and talk to brother Ryan.

[1379] Hey, Ryan, what's up?

[1380] What's up, Ryan?

[1381] Hey, how are you?

[1382] Dude, somebody's excited to talk to us.

[1383] You cool, man?

[1384] That's my one -year -old baby.

[1385] Sounds like you have a fire lit under your butt.

[1386] What's up, man?

[1387] Speaking of, yes.

[1388] Oh, my gosh, so great.

[1389] She chose right, she heard you guys.

[1390] My question is, for my family's happiness, and we can get into that, what is the mask that would make sense to justify us moving to California.

[1391] You're going to California.

[1392] I know everyone.

[1393] I was like, you're like a steelhead.

[1394] You're like a salmon swimming upstream, buddy.

[1395] Okay, so what's the situation?

[1396] Is it family?

[1397] What is it that's in California?

[1398] I mean, our love story.

[1399] I met with my wife there.

[1400] We moved to Utah.

[1401] I got a job.

[1402] We bought a house when it was cheap in Utah.

[1403] Wait, sorry, what?

[1404] Go ahead, go ahead.

[1405] Okay, and we bought it for real cheap, and then now it's worth a lot.

[1406] So can we move back?

[1407] It's, I guess, the question, because we have a ton of equity in the house, and we spent four years there during grad school together, and it was the happiest time of our life, and my wife said, please, not on my grave.

[1408] I do not want to move back to Utah.

[1409] It's not the right place for us.

[1410] and we moved back here after grad school because we thought it'd be smart financially and we've been dying to get out since but everyone's telling us don't do it don't go to California you've got such a low you know mortgage payment on your house here's the thing other people don't get a vote yeah other people don't get a vote number one number two there is a it's like a counseling 101 principle that wherever you go wherever you go wherever you end up you go with you and so if your marriage is unhappy in salt like city it's going to be unhappy in los angeles if there is not it's not the marriage actually we um i'm i'm really fortunate to say that we are still madly in love 11 years later okay five kids later then yeah my wife and i needed to move from where we were and we picked a couple of places across the country and I applied for jobs and Nashville was at the very top of our list and it's been transformed our lives.

[1411] So yeah I mean geography plays a big role but my wife and I moved with a bunch of problems in our marriage and those didn't go away.

[1412] We still had to sit down and over all the thing.

[1413] Yeah so how much do you say your house was how much you could sell your house for in Salt Lake?

[1414] Equity -wise what would you walk away with?

[1415] We think equity -wise as we walk away at about 700K.

[1416] Okay.

[1417] And how much do you guys make a year?

[1418] It's just me, 156 base and 10 to 15 bonus.

[1419] Does that job go with you to Los Angeles?

[1420] Yes, it would.

[1421] And we've been looking actually in three different counties and actually not Los Angeles County.

[1422] Okay.

[1423] Yeah, and have you guys, yeah, I mean, you've priced it out.

[1424] And I would kind of just get an idea of standard of living of, hey, this is how much if you can groceries but I kind of just do a rough budget because here's what I don't want Ryan to happen is you move from Salt Lake to an more expensive area and I'm not just talking in California this could be anywhere right you put yourself in a more expensive area and you get down the road a year and you guys have no margin in your budget and you're just like oh my gosh that money stress starts to wither on this romanticized dream of what we always wanted and reality sets in.

[1425] Now, you guys may be in a great, I mean, I would run the numbers.

[1426] And if you guys feel comfortable, and $700 ,000 is a great, that's great equity to be, you know, moving somewhere.

[1427] That's at least 5 % down on a North County home.

[1428] Yeah, right.

[1429] I'm just pulled out.

[1430] But for real though, Ryan, I want you to, I want you guys to be grownups in that sense to actually run the numbers and say, yeah, we will be comfortable and we will thrive, right, in this.

[1431] And that's great.

[1432] And that's great.

[1433] But I do kind of, piggyback on what John said that, you know, we can build something up sometimes in our, in our minds and the way it plays out, isn't always, you know, what we had hoped and dream that this thing would give us, right?

[1434] So just remember that.

[1435] But also, I think that on the other side of the coin, sometimes moves are needed.

[1436] And if you guys are not happy in Salt Lake, you know, yeah, find somewhere else in other city that you guys want to be.

[1437] Yeah, I mean, we, you know, a little context, we grew up Mormon and now we're just Christian and we're like second class business here you know yeah and we're used to we're used to the sun and so we're stuck inside with our five kids five months yeah maybe it's time to go I would I would also remember this sometimes loved ones when we say hey we're we're going to we're going to leave they give us advice and wisdom to stay and they find a bunch of reasons to stay here's what they're really saying I love you and I'm really going to miss you and I think it's important to acknowledge that and internalize that I had a buddy that just kept saying like man if you moved to Tennessee this and this and this and finally he was just like bro I just don't want you to go and so I love the sentiment I loved that he loved me that much and the best thing for me and my family was to go but that doesn't and the son is other places too but it doesn't give you a pass on math and so to hear you say no we've got 700 grand we're thinking this through man I say go for it I say absolutely go for it brother good on you this is the Ramsey show welcome back this is the Ramsey show I'm John Deloney joined by Rachel Cruz taking your calls on money work life relationships your marriage all of it triple 825 5225 that's 388 825 5225 let's go out to Green Bay Wisconsin and talk to the JIM what's up Jim Hey, guys, can you hear me fine?

[1438] Doing great, brother.

[1439] What's up?

[1440] Hey, before we start, nice to meet you guys.

[1441] Your show has been a friend of me over the years, and thank you.

[1442] Well, you're a friend to us, man. We're grateful for you.

[1443] All righty, do you want the question first or the kind of the situation that leads up to it?

[1444] You are driving this truck, brother.

[1445] You just go however you want to.

[1446] All righty.

[1447] Well, I'll just start with the back story here then.

[1448] So, ever since I started earning money, the culture I grew up in, the kids give all their money to the parents until you're 21.

[1449] So I've been in that system, earning money for the family and the farm.

[1450] My dad was a severe alcoholic.

[1451] I had to ask him to leave when I was 19.

[1452] and three of my sisters younger than me were still at home.

[1453] So I provided for them.

[1454] They worked too.

[1455] You know, we all kind of pooled the money and paid the payments and all of that.

[1456] And I stayed.

[1457] I got married through that time.

[1458] All the sisters, they married and moved out, and I'm the last one home with my mother.

[1459] How old are you?

[1460] Right now I'm 36.

[1461] Okay.

[1462] So I've been married for.

[1463] this is my 10th year to a wonderful woman.

[1464] I got six kids.

[1465] I've been supposed to have been getting the property, but there's just kind of a loose agreement.

[1466] I'm ashamed to say I just never pushed it like to get a contract or something.

[1467] So we had been paying the mortgage for the first four years in marriage and helping out with some other odds and ends.

[1468] And my mother need a new house so during this time about five years ago i co -signed a mortgage we got a small loan and i built a house that she could afford but it still needs work done because we went as far as we could with the money and she moved in and then i hit a breaking point there um just couldn't keep up with all the work well through all this time i was also helping my dad sober off multiple times and all of that, but I hate a breaking point and I told my mom that I can, you know, I did all the labor for free and I donated, you know, a lot of material.

[1469] I told her I can either donate time or I can pay you fair rent, one or the other.

[1470] I can't keep doing what I'm doing.

[1471] And I asked for a contract just for rent because every time I tried to push for an agreement, I know as far as future, you know, buying the property, I keep getting put off.

[1472] So it's like, you know, fine.

[1473] I need some kind of contract, something for my family here.

[1474] And no contract, she just demands that I pay a certain amount.

[1475] Jim, it's time to go.

[1476] Okay.

[1477] It's time to go.

[1478] You have six kids and they're watching their dad drown.

[1479] It's time.

[1480] Thank you, sir.

[1481] If your mother's true.

[1482] trying to play both sides of the fence here.

[1483] And I get the cultural aspect up and through 21, and I also get that you were put into a father role because your father was struggling mightily.

[1484] And you took care of your little sisters.

[1485] You took care of your mom.

[1486] You're a noble man. And you've continued to do that.

[1487] But right now, as a 36 -year -old man with six kids and a wife of a decade, going on decade number two, your mom is playing both sides of the fence.

[1488] She wants to play mom when it's convenient and works out for her, which is, hey, son, will you come do a bunch of stuff for your sweet old mom?

[1489] And you're a good son and you say yes.

[1490] And then when it conveniences her, she wants to play landlord, which is give me my freaking money, man. And that toggle back and forth is killing you.

[1491] And it's time to not do business with her, just have her be your mom.

[1492] And if she doesn't want to be your mom unless she's controlling your business, then that's a choice that she makes.

[1493] Yeah.

[1494] But you're going to lose your mom over bad business, and it's time to preserve your relationship with your mother and walk away, get your own place.

[1495] Yes, sir.

[1496] Okay.

[1497] And you're going to look back and go, look at all the equity I lost, look at all the time, don't do any of that crap.

[1498] All that kept you afloat to today, we're going to just going to say, I was a rough season, man. And here we are.

[1499] And at 36 years old, you're almost starting from scratch, you're going to build a legacy, and you're going to change your family tree.

[1500] and your kids, all six of them, are never going to experience what you went through, right?

[1501] Hell no. There you go.

[1502] This is what changing your family tree looks like right here.

[1503] It's time to move out.

[1504] Well, thank you, sir.

[1505] I really appreciate it.

[1506] Does that give you peace?

[1507] It helps.

[1508] Yes, sir.

[1509] It helps a lot because I needed an outsider's opinion because the only people that I've, you know, asked are connected to the situation.

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] It's too muddied.

[1512] Yeah, it's a mess.

[1513] They want me day there so that they don't have to deal with the situation.

[1514] That's right.

[1515] And I think it's time to take your brothers and sisters and say, I am handing this baton to you.

[1516] I've done it for 36 years.

[1517] It's time for you all to step in.

[1518] And by the way, your dad, you can love him.

[1519] It's not your job to sober him up.

[1520] In fact, you can't sober him up.

[1521] Only he can.

[1522] You can walk with him.

[1523] You can love him, but don't give him any money.

[1524] I agree with you there.

[1525] but I'm I was trying that for a period but he got tired to the last time that I did it and he moved somewhere where I can't pester him okay I'd let let him go I've let that part go but the other part of this is he's still legally married to my mother so cool then he is he can deal with his legal obligations but yeah it says Jim for you guys what's what what does it realistically look like because the home you're living in was your mom's old home is that right was I following that correctly?

[1526] No, I built my own house.

[1527] I pay taxes on it and everything and I still have to pay rent for it.

[1528] Because your mom is on the mortgage?

[1529] Or the house you built for your mom is the one she's living in?

[1530] No, no, I built a little shed that I live in.

[1531] Okay.

[1532] And then I built her a new house that she's living in.

[1533] Okay.

[1534] So, it's junk.

[1535] Okay.

[1536] Where do your six kids live?

[1537] Oh, they live with me and my wife were in our little shack.

[1538] We're comfortable.

[1539] We don't need a whole lot.

[1540] Jim, what do you do for a living, brother?

[1541] I'm a construction worker, and I was growing the farm business at home.

[1542] So it's not a construction worker.

[1543] I have my own construction business.

[1544] How much do you make a year?

[1545] What's that?

[1546] How much do you make a year?

[1547] Well, the last two years, my take -home pay that I paid myself as a business was $32 ,000, but I've made some big changes.

[1548] and I'm expecting that to double in the next couple years at the least.

[1549] Good for you.

[1550] Good for you.

[1551] Hey, Jim, I want it to triple.

[1552] Well, you work too hard and you're too good at what you do and you care too much.

[1553] Those are three great traits for a leader.

[1554] Well, thank you, sir.

[1555] Okay.

[1556] But you're going to have to scratch and claw, but I don't want you all living in a shack.

[1557] I want you to get your family at home.

[1558] Yes, sir.

[1559] That's my plan.

[1560] That's, you guys.

[1561] You're confirming what was in my mind.

[1562] I just, I wanted, I wanted to, like I said, see that, hear that outsider's perspective, just make sure I'm not, you know.

[1563] You're not crazy.

[1564] What?

[1565] You're not crazy.

[1566] You're not crazy.

[1567] But you're not crazy.

[1568] Jim, that's the feedback I've been getting.

[1569] I want to give you step one of your healing adventure, okay?

[1570] Yep.

[1571] It's Valentine's Day today?

[1572] Yes, sir.

[1573] I want you take your wife out.

[1574] Just y 'all two.

[1575] No kids.

[1576] and I want you to figure that out.

[1577] No kids.

[1578] She doesn't get the babysitter, you do.

[1579] And it may be one of your older siblings, but one of your older kids.

[1580] But listen, I want you to take her out.

[1581] I want you to look at her across the table in a restaurant and say for the last decade, you have watched me put everybody else first.

[1582] That ends now.

[1583] From this point forward, you're my wife.

[1584] And I put you first.

[1585] And we're going to make this thing right.

[1586] You're a good man, dude.

[1587] It's time to focus that energy on your.

[1588] your wife and your six kids and give them a home.

[1589] We'll be right back.

[1590] This is the Ramsey show.

[1591] Today's scripture of the day is Ecclesiastes four, nine through ten.

[1592] Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.

[1593] If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

[1594] But pity anyone who falls down and has no one to help them up.

[1595] Catherine Hepburn says, love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get only with what you are expecting to give which is everything speaking of this ecclesiastes verse where uh if one falls down one can help them up yes that's james james childs i fall down at this job a lot and james picks me up man trying to get bonus points from our from our producer i love you john well i appreciate you following you live this scripture out it breathes in you i'm i'm honored to know you man It's awesome.

[1596] Let's go out to Sylvia in Minneapolis, Minnesota, which is a word that he worked with me on for a long time.

[1597] What's up, Sylvia?

[1598] Not much.

[1599] Everybody else calls them Minneapolis.

[1600] I used to always call it Minneapolis.

[1601] And then one day James came in and was like, listen, you have to learn how to speak and read.

[1602] And so it's Minneapolis.

[1603] What's up, Sylvia?

[1604] Yes.

[1605] So I have accrued about, I think, what, 35 ,000.

[1606] about in debt and I am 31 so I really want to start working that number down so that I'm not on a paycheck to paycheck budget or just being stressed out about finances all the time yep totally fair what's the 30k in what kind of debt um so 12 or 13 ,000 is in a car that I have right now.

[1607] I pay $380 on a payment monthly.

[1608] Also, I have student loan debt.

[1609] I think they are about, I don't know, roughly about $18 of it.

[1610] Okay.

[1611] And I've got about $3 ,000 or $4 ,000 in credit card debt.

[1612] Okay.

[1613] How much do you make a year?

[1614] $40 ,000, roughly.

[1615] $40 ,000?

[1616] Okay.

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] What do you do?

[1619] I'm an assistant property manager.

[1620] Okay.

[1621] Awesome.

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] Do you have any money saved?

[1624] I don't, but we are, of course, in a, like, tax time.

[1625] So I have some things that I plan to put away with that coming.

[1626] How much of a refund will you get?

[1627] I think about $4 ,000 or $5 ,000.

[1628] Okay.

[1629] That's great.

[1630] I mean, great in the sense that that's your money.

[1631] that you'll be getting back that you can use really intentionally but that is one thing you could do is go in if you have an HR department and adjust your W -2 and be able, your paychecks and don't take as much out in taxes because this big refund means that's money that could have been working for you.

[1632] You loan the federal government $4 ,000 this past year.

[1633] They're super grateful at no interest.

[1634] So adjust that so your paychecks are a little bit bigger which will help with your cash flow.

[1635] So that's one thing to do.

[1636] So yeah, so with this, I mean, if I were you, I would park $1 ,000 in a starter emergency fund when you get this refund.

[1637] And then I would throw the rest of the credit cards and cut up your credit cards too.

[1638] Don't even give yourself the option to go back into credit card debts.

[1639] Just get rid of them.

[1640] And that'll feel good.

[1641] I mean, that frees up.

[1642] That's like, okay, now you have your car payment and your student loan left.

[1643] And when you look at this equation, Sylvia, when it comes to just like the basics of starting all this out, really there's two ways that money flows.

[1644] Money flows in, money flows out.

[1645] And so looking at your income, seeing, hey, what kind of side hustle can you do to as you're getting out of debt?

[1646] Because uping your income is going to be a real key part of getting out of debt faster.

[1647] So this is probably going to look like working nights.

[1648] Are you married kids?

[1649] like what's your family situation um i've got one child um i'm dating someone right now that i was um outside of that um how old your how old your daughter or son daughter um my son he's 13 he's 13 okay cool so yeah so that may look like maybe one saturday a month and a few nights i mean doing what you can realistically um to be able to bring in some extra money so that's the income side and we talk to people all the time sylvia that are i mean They're on this process and they're making 13, 14, 2 ,000 extra dollars a month, realistically of doing some extra stuff.

[1650] So really get creative on that end and then be looking at your expenses.

[1651] And I want you to do a budget.

[1652] And at the end of this, Taylor's going to pick up and we're going to give you every dollar premium, which is our budgeting app.

[1653] And in that app, there's a lot of education to be able to teach you.

[1654] Here's how to do a zero -based budget.

[1655] But I basically want you to take your income for the month and you're going to list out everything you spend money on.

[1656] And Sylvia, you're going to be, you're going to be nixing some expenses.

[1657] Yeah.

[1658] A lot of them.

[1659] Some things that your subscriptions, no vacation, no out to eat.

[1660] I mean, I really want you to challenge yourself to really say, okay, we're going to cut a lot of this.

[1661] And that's going to free you up with some money.

[1662] And so, you know, the beautiful thing is if you, I'm going to make up a number, Sylvia.

[1663] I don't know what it will be for you.

[1664] But let's say you can bring in an extra $1 ,500.

[1665] and maybe you find an extra 500 in your budget to cut, right?

[1666] That's $2 ,000 extra a month.

[1667] And even that being thrown at your car, you're going to start to see that chip away.

[1668] And what ends up happening is when people feel this progression of, oh my gosh, I'm winning, I'm actually getting traction.

[1669] I'm actually seeing a positive result with my money.

[1670] It's a natural instinct in us that you naturally will say, okay, okay, I can pick up two more hours here.

[1671] and make a little bit more there.

[1672] Oh, yeah, we can cut the grocery budget another hundred bucks here.

[1673] I mean, you start to really get this momentum started because for the first time ever, maybe for you, Sylvia, you're actually going to feel in control of your money because you're going to be doing a budget and you're going to be working your way out of debt.

[1674] And when that car is paid off, and you may even look at, I mean, you could even look at selling the car.

[1675] Have you Kelly Blue Booked at all?

[1676] I'm curious what it would be worth.

[1677] I have, but I think it's about, it's less than half of what the value of the car.

[1678] Or how much I still owe on it now.

[1679] You're pretty underwater.

[1680] Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1681] And it's not a, you know, we always say if it's more than half of your take -home pay, you have too much car.

[1682] So you're not at that point.

[1683] I mean, it's $13 ,000 versus $40 ,000.

[1684] So you're at a manageable spot.

[1685] It had been beautiful if it was worth $16 ,000.

[1686] You could sell it and just get rid of it and get a $3 ,000 car.

[1687] But with this, so again, it's kind of just this new way, of looking at your money and it's going to feel different and it's going to be hard.

[1688] But I think for you, Sylvia, there's going to be some peace in it too because you're actually going to have control over your income.

[1689] You're going to have a plan on where you're going going to go.

[1690] And I think you're going to see progress really quickly.

[1691] So Sylvia, can I tell you a wild story real quick?

[1692] Yeah, absolutely.

[1693] When I was 13, my mom who had never gone to school, She'd never gone to college.

[1694] She took her first community college class.

[1695] And then she took another class the next semester.

[1696] And then the semester after that, she took two classes and just kept going and going and going.

[1697] And when my mom turned 57, she graduated with her Ph .D. And at 63, she was tenured as a professor.

[1698] But here's the important part of this conversation.

[1699] At 13, 14, 15, and 16, I had a ringside seat to watching my mom work really, really hard.

[1700] And I remember her coming and putting the laundry soap on the washer and says, your laundry's on you now, buddy.

[1701] I got homework.

[1702] And I started having to fend for myself with frozen dinners and stuff like that.

[1703] She would make meals on Saturdays and I had to heat them up.

[1704] Here's the thing.

[1705] I look back and I have no excuses on being a good dad, on learning new crafts, on changing as the world changes underneath me because I watched my mom blaze a trail.

[1706] And your 13 -year -old was going to watch you do this.

[1707] And it's going to change his family tree.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] You see what I'm saying?

[1710] This isn't just you getting out of debt.

[1711] I really, really love that vision.

[1712] Yeah, you are going to change his life because he's going to watch mom and he's going to be annoying.

[1713] I got to do my own laundry.

[1714] I got to do, yep, because mom's working another job and another job.

[1715] I'm so proud of you.

[1716] Yeah, hold on the line.

[1717] Taylor's going to pick up and we'll give you Financial Peace University, our nine lesson course and every dollar premium because we want to give you as much as many tools as possible, Sylvia, because this is possible for you.

[1718] Truly, and like John said, what your son is going to experience and the example you're going to set for him, it changes everything from this point forward because you chose to do something different.

[1719] Big time shout out.

[1720] We're so proud of you.

[1721] Taylor, Austin, Joe, our fearless leader, and the handsomest guy around James Childs and even Zach with the YouTube crew.

[1722] Thanks to you, America.

[1723] We'll see you soon on the Ramsey Show.

[1724] Hey folks, Dave Ramsey here.

[1725] You know, budgeting doesn't have to be boring.

[1726] You just need a budgeting app that's made with you in mind.

[1727] And that's Every Dollar.

[1728] The Every Dollar app has helped millions of people work the baby steps and take the stress out of planning and managing their money.

[1729] Start budgeting with Every Dollar for free right now.

[1730] Just go to Ramsey Solutions .com slash every dollar and download the app today.

[1731] That's Ramsey Solutions .com slash every dollar.