Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] This episode of Conan O 'Brien needs a friend is sponsored by L .L. Bean.
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[4] Solo stove and Whistlepig whiskey have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited edition wheat whiskey.
[5] It's aged in barrels toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite fire pit.
[6] On the rocks, neat, or in a s'mores old fashion, campstock wheat whiskey.
[7] With its notes of graham cracker, baking spices and vanilla, is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights.
[8] Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame.
[9] Please remember to pig out responsibly.
[10] Summer Smoors with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six -part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[11] Let's get started.
[12] Okay, Summer Smoors, episode five.
[13] Last one, outdoors.
[14] We're going to light up our...
[15] Oh, that is so cool.
[16] Well, you have to explain what's happening.
[17] Matt Gourley made these amazing drinks, and it's...
[18] Is this an old -fashioned?
[19] Chocolate old -fashioned.
[20] It's a chocolate old -fashioned, and I believe it's...
[21] It's made with Whistlepig whiskey, which is good stuff.
[22] And then you put a little smore.
[23] That's a cute little smear in there.
[24] I had to literally drill these golden grams with an actual drill.
[25] Oh, my God.
[26] To get this match to go through.
[27] Or else, they'd break.
[28] That's cute a shit.
[29] I've never tested this.
[30] I'm going to let my toast my shit a little.
[31] It's just going to, you'll see.
[32] It's burning.
[33] It's on fire.
[34] Yeah.
[35] So it's a little smore.
[36] That's a cute little smore.
[37] there.
[38] So these are two golden grams.
[39] Two golden grams.
[40] And a mini marshmallow.
[41] I'm going to eat that because that looks, I'm not a fan of s'm spores, but size makes all the difference.
[42] And this is a mini.
[43] Mine's burnt.
[44] What'd you say?
[45] Mine's burnt.
[46] Mine is burnt.
[47] Glad I asked what you were saying.
[48] That's good.
[49] You know what?
[50] That is a smore I find acceptable.
[51] Because there's not a lot of marshmallow.
[52] Right.
[53] And it's also, it's just the amount that I I agree.
[54] It's just a little bite.
[55] And when we talked about doing a smor's cocktail, I didn't want any marshmallow taste in this drink.
[56] Oh, my God.
[57] You didn't even have anything to drink yet.
[58] And you're a stumbling, bumbling mess.
[59] I'm just holding it.
[60] I went to throw my match in the solo stove.
[61] Let's talk about this drink.
[62] This is a good drink.
[63] What's going on here, Gorley?
[64] And you are quite the mixologist.
[65] No, I'm just a hobbyist.
[66] I figure these things.
[67] out as needed I you know well tell me what went into this concoction this is a whistle pig that camp stock whiskey that they sent us that's apparently was roasted over a solo stove or something talking about brand fusion it's a camp stove wheat whiskey and uh it's called the smokeless toast because it was yeah i guess they used a solo stove so there was no smoke yeah um and it's actually a very cool bottle that's a cool bottle i want to just lick there's chocolate on the rim i want to just is it can i just lick it's lickable can i ask a question was it a strategic was there meeting that took place where everybody was like let's do the alcohol in the fifth episode okay and it wasn't just you and guess what sona basically it's like it's a version of an intervention we're inching towards an interview what kind of intervention gives me alcohol at some point next summer is going to be a full on intervention yeah that's yeah uh next summer we're going to show you a photograph of liquor an hour after the final act You guys are terrible at interventions.
[68] But I am curious if it was like, guys, last year before and the year before was a mess.
[69] Wasn't a mess.
[70] Why am I not in those meetings?
[71] Well, let's just say sober heads prevailed.
[72] This one got drunk.
[73] I agree.
[74] I was part of the one saying I don't want to do that again.
[75] It wasn't you.
[76] This is my house.
[77] I thought we were going to get fucked up.
[78] We still can You can.
[79] You can go for it.
[80] I am.
[81] I'm downing this.
[82] This is really good.
[83] It's very good.
[84] It's very tasty.
[85] Now, again, what are the flavors in here?
[86] You said you use the whistle stop?
[87] Whistle pig?
[88] He's already drawn.
[89] It's not a...
[90] It's just that it's not a...
[91] So...
[92] Hey, I'm curious.
[93] I'd like to know the ingredients.
[94] We got the whistle pig.
[95] We've established that.
[96] I like it.
[97] You re took that as if I'm going to edit that out.
[98] you know what I trust you to make me look good we got the whistle pig wheat whiskey what else is in here there's some Aztec chocolate bitters some Trader Vicks chocolate liqueur a little bit of Angostura biters some simple syrup and then one of those luxardo cherries but it comes with a little bit of like the cherry slime you know that's pretty good um so no just go a little slower I did not understand a single ingredient that you just mentioned because you just keep you just keep you just keep guzzling it you know why I think It's a sipping drink.
[99] This is a dessert drink.
[100] But there's so much chocolate in it.
[101] There's so much.
[102] I'm already almost done with this.
[103] I can make another.
[104] Yeah.
[105] Oh, hell yeah.
[106] There's a whole decanter in the, on the counter.
[107] You know, when you make a drink and it has this much sugar in it.
[108] It's pretty sweet.
[109] Yeah.
[110] I'm not one for, I like sweet fruity drinks, but I don't love sweet chocolatey drinks.
[111] So I tried to mild it up a little.
[112] This is like, it's got, what's that, what's going on something?
[113] It's so good.
[114] It is so.
[115] This is my favorite drink of all time.
[116] Oh, my God.
[117] Yes.
[118] Wow, and you were like an alcoholic.
[119] That's really saying something.
[120] That's like, you know, it's true.
[121] It's like Ted Bundy's saying, now this murder tops them all.
[122] You know what I mean?
[123] Oh, wait, I have a whole stack here.
[124] Oh, my God.
[125] You made me snot.
[126] And wait, what's the cherry?
[127] What's special about the cherry?
[128] The cherry looks like it's had some kind of experience.
[129] What is it?
[130] What happened to the cherry?
[131] What did the cherry go through?
[132] The cherry was in an emotionally abusive relationship prior to this drink.
[133] And then lost a bunch of money at the track.
[134] Good.
[135] It's just a luxardo cocktail cherry.
[136] I don't know what that means.
[137] It's just these kind of cherries that they make that come in this really thick cherry syrup.
[138] So when you put one in, it kind of the syrup goes with it.
[139] Here's my question, Matt.
[140] How do you even know this stuff?
[141] Do you look it up online?
[142] I drink a lot.
[143] But when you said, oh, it's just a luxardo gom -gom -gum cherry, that's all it is.
[144] I don't even know where you would get that.
[145] At Total Wine and Spirits, any kind of like Bevmo or something?
[146] Okay.
[147] Bedmo.
[148] You want more?
[149] Yeah, fill me up.
[150] Hell yeah.
[151] Give me some more of that.
[152] I don't know.
[153] Okay.
[154] Hey, we had this crazy idea.
[155] Yeah.
[156] And I didn't know whether we should bring it up.
[157] Key party.
[158] Key party.
[159] Ew.
[160] Everyone gets your keys in the, huh?
[161] It's only going to be your keys in the bowl.
[162] Yeah.
[163] I'm going to put my keys in the bowl.
[164] And then put on a blindfold and reach in.
[165] and you're going to see me not know that it's my keys and I'm going to pull them out and go and then you're going to see me go off in the woods and then the coyotes will attack me attack my excited body when you guys were at camp did you ever play chubby bunny?
[166] I don't know what that is.
[167] You don't know what that is?
[168] Okay, we don't have to do this but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season.
[169] What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow you put it in your mouth and he said the words chubby bunny And then we take turns Adding a marshmallow each time Until someone can't say Chubby Bunny anymore And they're out Alright Okay Can we eat the marshmallow You have to keep it in your mouth All right This is the game Marlon Brando was playing When he secured When he secured the role For the Godfather Can I keep drinking?
[170] Will it dissolve the mud?
[171] Oh no you can't drink You can't drink All right So son is out Chubby Bunny So you can't swallow You can't chew You have to keep it in your mouth Let me just, hold on.
[172] Let's all, does a lot.
[173] Let me stock up.
[174] Ever heard of this.
[175] You've never heard of this?
[176] No. God, you grew up in a strange way.
[177] I did.
[178] Yeah.
[179] No, no. I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no chubby bunny in my background.
[180] Who's played chubby bunny?
[181] Every hand goes up.
[182] Oh, my God.
[183] No, Eduardo was giving me the thumbs down.
[184] Never heard of it.
[185] Never.
[186] Never.
[187] Okay.
[188] All right.
[189] Chubby bunny.
[190] Wait, does that count as you sing chubby bunny?
[191] It didn't sound like chubby bunny.
[192] She's out.
[193] She's out.
[194] First of all, you can't articulate things when you're...
[195] You're not coming in.
[196] Sunny and bunny.
[197] You should go in a snake order.
[198] Yeah, thank you all that.
[199] Oh, God, you're all right, fully?
[200] I was going to throw up You're out This game brought you by Dr. Heimlich I was going to throw up I was actually going to throw up These are the biggest marshmallows of all time Come on, girl, stuff it in your mouth, girlie These marshmallows are funny, bitch Oh, my God, there's so much, oh, my God, there's so much spit there, girls.
[201] Oh, my God, oh, my God, a giant mouth.
[202] Something blue.
[203] Stupid.
[204] This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of.
[205] I just love that you can't talk.
[206] I wasn't that.
[207] What is coming up?
[208] It's so protest.
[209] Oh, then.
[210] Oh, God, it's so gross.
[211] Are you doing the Gettysburg Address?
[212] Yes, I am.
[213] This means I win.
[214] Okay, that's it.
[215] Oh.
[216] Oh, God.
[217] Oh, more napkins How'd you guys do more than one?
[218] There's no winners in chubby, buddy, only losers.
[219] I don't know why.
[220] I have one question.
[221] Yeah.
[222] I developed this fastidious way of talking.
[223] I was going, a chubby, a bunny.
[224] And I wasn't even trying to.
[225] But in my effort to over -enunciate, it came out as a chabe, a bunny.
[226] And I wasn't trying to do that.
[227] It's just what happened.
[228] Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address?
[229] Yeah, I could.
[230] Oh, yeah, definitely.
[231] Well, there you go.
[232] That's how Lincoln did it.
[233] Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg address.
[234] That's true.
[235] No. I can do, there's so many things I recite.
[236] So that's a game that you played in camp?
[237] Yeah.
[238] Okay.
[239] Did you guys tell stories, like ghost stories?
[240] Yeah, but I never went to camp.
[241] Oh, for God's sake.
[242] Wait, what?
[243] Why did you play?
[244] Yeah, when you just said did you ever play this in camp, What were you basing it on?
[245] Well, you're a sad little boy.
[246] I was a sad little boy.
[247] It's a true story.
[248] Did you, so how come you didn't go to camp?
[249] I think it was never offered to me. Your parents were never like, we want to send you away?
[250] No, I think probably they, I bet they knew that like this kid's not going to make it through camp.
[251] Like you'd miss your family too much?
[252] Yeah, because here's why.
[253] I think the others would set on him.
[254] Like Lord of the flight.
[255] When I was an adult, in my 20s, I went to teach at an improv theater camp, and I called home the first day going, I want to come home.
[256] When you were in your 20s?
[257] Matt, you were in your 20s?
[258] I get so homesick.
[259] It's ridiculous.
[260] You called home.
[261] I called my girlfriend at the time going, like, I wanted to come.
[262] I just, I don't know.
[263] I don't take the camp.
[264] Oh.
[265] Yeah.
[266] Okay.
[267] And this was in your 20s, and it wasn't even camp.
[268] It was an improv class.
[269] Probably in an urban setting.
[270] It was prison.
[271] Yeah.
[272] Wow.
[273] I loved camp.
[274] Really?
[275] They did.
[276] I loved, I had fun at camp.
[277] Anyway, that's where I learned about chubby bunny when I was in 20s.
[278] Oh.
[279] Teaching at camp.
[280] When you were in 20s.
[281] Chubby bunny.
[282] It wasn't a camp.
[283] It was not a camp that you went to.
[284] That's the sad part.
[285] I know.
[286] I was a counselor at camp once and my little cousin came and I lost him at the beach for like 45 minutes.
[287] I thought the ocean took him I was really as both a counselor and as a family member I was like I really shit the bed here but wait a minute what did you do did you start looking for him or did you immediately everybody started looking for him it became like an all hands on he was only seven and it was an all hands on deck situation I was like guys he was there he's not there I don't know where he is and then everyone I started looking for him.
[288] You know where you went wrong?
[289] Why did you take your eye off of him?
[290] What happened?
[291] I don't know.
[292] There were two kids I had to watch.
[293] They were both the youngest kids.
[294] You only had two?
[295] I had two kids because they were like, they're the youngest.
[296] They need attention, especially if they're by the beach.
[297] So I turned my head away for a second to look at the other kid.
[298] And when I turned around, my cousin was gone.
[299] They always say that I turned away for a second and when I turned back.
[300] But I know that if we could go back and look at you, you started talking to some dude.
[301] and doing that face you always used to do when you were single when you liked somebody I'm not even going to argue You'd make your eyes would get real bright Making a spliff Rolling up a spliff She used to do this face When she thought a waiter was cute What's the face?
[302] She would do this big And she would ask a lot of questions And her chin would be way up in the air And it's pretty good Yeah And she would Yeah You're always a couple of drinks in at that point Where was the child?
[303] He was playing in the sand underneath a lifeguard tower.
[304] There were two areas.
[305] There was the area where everybody was and then we all would go down to the beach and there were just two areas.
[306] He wasn't in any of them.
[307] He was seven.
[308] You just turned your head for a second, so how could you have gotten that far?
[309] The ocean took him.
[310] I thought it.
[311] I thought the ocean took him.
[312] But the ocean didn't take him.
[313] No, but it could have.
[314] And then, because he was out in the sun for so long, he got heat stroke.
[315] And then so he was like a disaster.
[316] What a great camp this was.
[317] How did you, do you have to have any, any qualifications?
[318] No, we were like 17, 18 years old.
[319] We were kids in charge of other kids.
[320] You had a flashback.
[321] I was a camp counselor in Dedham, Massachusetts, at the Dedham Community Center.
[322] And I'm having a strong moment right now because very recently I was with my brother, Neil, and we were driving around, and we were driving through Dedham.
[323] and I realized, hey, I think we're near where I used to be a camp counselor and we drove by the Dedham Community Center.
[324] And so it's been years.
[325] I mean, it's been, I don't know if it's been 45 years or something since I've been there.
[326] This got quite like you're telling us a ghost story.
[327] But I'm serious.
[328] I had this moment just now thinking, oh, right, I just did this.
[329] And I passed and I looked at the place and I remembered that the guy who ran the camp thought I was a CIT, you know, as a counselor.
[330] and I was in charge of like these eight -year -olds and I remember this one guy that ran the camp was like, you're pretty funny, you're pretty funny, and then I remembered one year, he said, I want you, I got this funny, it's the Fourth of July, you're a funny guy, you just always make people laugh.
[331] I have an Uncle Sam costume I bought, put it on, and I'll have you perform for all the kids.
[332] And I'm not, I wasn't thinking, I was, you know, I don't know what I was.
[333] I was 16, 17, and someone's telling me to do this.
[334] So I was reluctant, but I put on this Uncle Sam costume, and he had assembled all the kids in camp.
[335] And I came out, and I was like, hey, everybody, I'm Uncle Sam.
[336] And I bombed like you cannot imagine.
[337] No, I can easily.
[338] And I was dressed as Uncle Sam, and I'm in this, I'll never forget.
[339] I'm in this, like, standing next to this big dead lawn.
[340] in Dedham right near the courthouse where Sokow and Vanzetti were tried and I'm dressed as Uncle Sam and a shitty Uncle Sam costume that probably cost two dollars and the beard's coming off the kids I had not I had put no thought into it because the counselor just thought you're funny so go be funny and it was a disaster Conan two things this is first why I never went to camp something like that is a war crime two do you realize you have two Uncle Sam sad stories I know.
[341] Remember we cover this and we got that Halloween costume at your mom got me that that Uncle Sam costume.
[342] I know.
[343] And yet America has done you wrong.
[344] No, but I love my country, but I do.
[345] That was the set.
[346] And also, what was he thinking that a guy with no preparation who's 16 years old who's, yeah, it's kind of funny, can just put on an Uncle Sam costume impromptu and got up in front of a bunch of kids at a low rent day camp and make them laugh.
[347] And you knew you bombed because even sometimes at that age you talk yourself into thinking, Like, oh, well, that was fun.
[348] I got to perform.
[349] Oh, no. I'm quite aware when something I've done has not worked.
[350] And this was an absolute bomb.
[351] And I remember even the guy was like, what the fuck was that?
[352] And I'm like, you just told me, you found.
[353] Like he paid you.
[354] Like he hired you.
[355] You double as like a cab driver when you're not running this decrepit camp.
[356] You're a cab driver.
[357] You found this costume in a trunk.
[358] You made me wear it.
[359] Which is, you know.
[360] Yeah.
[361] Yeah.
[362] So I did, and it was awful.
[363] And I just was there.
[364] And now here I am in Altadena, drinking a chocolate, whistle pig, whiskey drink, and recounting this terrible memory from my childhood.
[365] Solo stove is back as a sponsor for their third year in a row.
[366] And yes, there's still no smoke with a solo stove fire pit.
[367] People don't think a smokeless fire was possible, but Solo Stove did think it was possible.
[368] That's why it's the world's favorite fire.
[369] All solo stove fire pits are so easy to light, portable, come in variety of sizes and colors to fit any and all fire pit situations and taste, and come with a lifetime warranty.
[370] At Solo Stove, the future of fire is smokeless.
[371] Head to Solostove .com and use promo code Conan 20 to get $20 off your order of $200 or more.
[372] Big Pig News.
[373] We've got Whistle Pig Whiskey as a sponsor.
[374] Whistle Pig transformed an off -the -grid Vermont dairy farm into one of the world's leading distilleries.
[375] Whistlepig is famous for the award -winning whiskeys that are aged longer than any other American whiskey, some waiting in the barrel for decades.
[376] They're also known for pushing the boundaries of bold flavor with wildly experimental whiskey making, like their new Whistlepig camp stock wheat whiskey, aged in barrels toasted by solo stoves.
[377] Good Lord!
[378] Product integration.
[379] There's nothing better than a bottle of great whiskey around the campfire in the summer.
[380] We'll be sipping it with smore's in hand.
[381] Here's a toast to Whistlepig, the whiskey of the summer.
[382] Find Whistlepig whiskey at shop .wislepigwiskey .com or at your local bar or liquor store.
[383] Please remember to always pig out responsibly.
[384] L .L. Beans' clothing accessories are staples all year round.
[385] Like the classic L .L. Bean boat and tote bag.
[386] You can monogram that, by the way.
[387] But this summer, there's so much use that can come out of their outdoor gear, like L .L. Bean's campsite organizer.
[388] You ever use one of those?
[389] It's great.
[390] You're sitting next to one.
[391] Yeah, you're using one right now.
[392] That's the organizer.
[393] That's amazing.
[394] I know I'm pointing to it.
[395] This portable organizer features three shelves for storing camping or picnic gear, campiontals, grilling tools, and more.
[396] It's perfect anywhere you want to keep gear in order, because I need my gear in order.
[397] And, Gourley, I'm guessing you do, too.
[398] I like a good gear order.
[399] I need gear.
[400] No, okay.
[401] Take it easy.
[402] Yeah.
[403] It comes with a carry bag, so you can just throw it into the car with all the rest of your campsite, accoutrement.
[404] Just don't forget the L .L. Bean insulated camp tumbler.
[405] It's a great choice for hot or cold drinks.
[406] I got a cold one in here right now.
[407] When you're sitting around the campsite, you want to keep the hot, hot, and the cold cold.
[408] I like it because it's a nice size.
[409] It's a nice size.
[410] Perfect.
[411] The double wall vacuum insulation keeps beverages hot or cold for hours.
[412] You know, when I'm out in the woods or Altadena.
[413] Uh -oh.
[414] No, I like to have...
[415] Uh -oh.
[416] First of all, L. Bean clothing is great.
[417] I like the clothes they have.
[418] I do too.
[419] But I like all their stuff.
[420] And as you know, I'm a New Englander.
[421] So I grew up with LLBeen.
[422] You know, it's just part.
[423] You see that bird in the background?
[424] The bird's going, LLBIN, LLBIN, LLBIN, LLB.
[425] Even the birds are into it here.
[426] For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit LLBIN .com slash Conan outside together since 1912.
[427] Here's my question.
[428] talk about how you were a counselor at camp were you ever a camper at camp okay remember he got his legs fried by the metal boat no but that was when you were a counselor no no that was when I was a camper no no that was when I was a camper were you the cool counselor or were you the like rules guy guys we have to light up no it's time to line up everybody lights out everyone lights out there's on screen it was not I would say I was neither or neither whichever you prefer I was not I didn't I really didn't like it, but it's a job, but I'm not one of those guys that just, you know, realized I loved it.
[429] Seven and eight -year -olds, that's a tough age.
[430] Oh, yeah.
[431] So I remember sending him out in the ocean on a raft.
[432] Yeah.
[433] I love the end of that story is probably we never found him.
[434] Oh.
[435] No, it's okay.
[436] But, uh, my cousin.
[437] I don't think I was either one.
[438] I was not a cool, I know what a cool counselors like and I was not one.
[439] But I wasn't, I don't think I was a bad one either.
[440] Yeah.
[441] I just think I was a guy who was doing time trying to move up the rung.
[442] Did you ever have a kid kind of want to be your, like have you as a mentor that kind of attached themselves to you, you know, like in meatballs?
[443] No. I mean, I think of you that way, man. That I attach myself to me?
[444] Yeah, I think, yeah, I think of you as my young liege, you know?
[445] Oh, I'm fucked.
[446] No, I don't.
[447] I never had that, no. I can see some little squirt just kind of coming up and going, hey this is my guy I'm going to learn from him you know yeah no I don't think so you're barking up the wrong tree this is just getting sad now hey Conan didn't you throw a pass and win the big game no I didn't Conan didn't someone ever tell you they loved you unconditionally no no no they didn't hey Conan do you ever a moment where you just felt real bliss and at ease with yourself no no I didn't hey Conan did you ever just think your life's been worthwhile no no no I didn't hey Conan did ever just sort of look around and think it's good that I was born no no I haven't There we go.
[448] I hit the mic.
[449] Trevor, look at yourself in the mirror and think he's not so bad looking.
[450] No, no, I haven't.
[451] This is really good.
[452] I am nursing this like you wouldn't believe.
[453] Why are you nursing it?
[454] Because I have half a lung.
[455] People can go to Tukoko Socials.
[456] Already?
[457] Already, me too, though, a little bit.
[458] So if you guys had your meetings and you thought, oh, we're going to stop ourselves this year.
[459] from Sona being so drunk well fuck all of you because guess what Sona and I got together in pre -gamed I am wasted already and it's because I know what to do when there's a thing in my in my cup fuck all of you guys for having meetings behind my back and you know what next time I love best of all you're sitting on a half -eaten marshmallow it's stuck to my look at her look at her Oh my God It stuck to my pants Yeah You've got marshmallow on your pants too buddy And that's not marshmallow T 'n -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -tint pitched What was I supposed to say Will you say it?
[460] You say it Rue I can do it I'm sober as a judge Go to Team Cocoa Socials for the recipe What for this drink?
[461] Yeah, check out Team Coco on Instagram Okay And this is a great drink You should check it out But you should drink it a little more responsible than Sona.
[462] I'm at my house.
[463] I improvise this one a little.
[464] I'm going to have to get the formula down.
[465] Okay, you're going to know this.
[466] Yeah.
[467] Because you're a bond guy.
[468] Why wouldn't I know it?
[469] In Casino Royale, what's the drink he improvises?
[470] What's the recipe?
[471] Oh, it's Gordon's gin, vodka, Kina Lillet, which they don't make anymore, and a little twist of lemon.
[472] I knew he'd know that.
[473] Yeah.
[474] Now ask me something you know I'm going to know.
[475] Okay.
[476] What's my favorite thing Conan ever did?
[477] Okay.
[478] What year was Richard Nixon born in?
[479] That's a good one.
[480] Actually, don't.
[481] Well, I'm going to work here.
[482] Nixon is, I think, a little older.
[483] JFK is born in 1917.
[484] Nixon's a little older than JFK, I believe.
[485] That's a good one.
[486] Earlier, you knew exactly when Ronald Reagan was born.
[487] Yeah, some dates.
[488] Why do you know some and some who don't know some?
[489] You know, I can't say What caliber of bullet Was Lincoln shot with?
[490] Hold on, I'm going to say 1914 Oh Eduardo No, I didn't see I didn't see him I'm going to say 1913 It's 1913 January 9th I was going to say 1913 That's what I was going to say Yeah This part's got to come out I was going to say Not because anyone's wrong Just because it's just awful No because you didn't know it And you don't want people to know.
[491] You didn't know it.
[492] You saw Eduardo give you the answer.
[493] I didn't see that.
[494] Goral's asked what caliber bullet Lincoln was shot with.
[495] It's not really a caliber.
[496] It just made bullets out of a mold.
[497] Rather large bullet by today's standards.
[498] It's not really rifled at all.
[499] It didn't have to be because it was shot at such in three inches from the left here.
[500] I have a quick question.
[501] What's up?
[502] How's the end of the Summer Smoors series going this year?
[503] This is the last year we're doing this, I think.
[504] I don't think so.
[505] What are you talking about?
[506] We got to go to his backyard.
[507] Yeah, we do.
[508] And you know what we're going to do next year?
[509] Oh, hell yeah.
[510] I've been waiting for the gummy year.
[511] Come on, we should.
[512] And then we all sleep there to do a slumber party.
[513] I'm going to embarrass you when we go to your house.
[514] Well, you have.
[515] It's called your engagement party.
[516] That was fun.
[517] We had a good time, right?
[518] We did.
[519] That was really nice.
[520] People still talk about that.
[521] That was a good party.
[522] That was really nice of you to do.
[523] I loved that.
[524] Well, I don't think you're in the picture yet, but.
[525] No, but you could have pre -invited me. You're right.
[526] It's true.
[527] I don't think you were alive yet.
[528] It was a long time ago.
[529] No, we should do it.
[530] Will we do it in my backyard next year?
[531] Again, I just have to clear it with various celebrities and various potentates, CEOs, CFOs.
[532] You know, it's a very, it's a very...
[533] We'll wear disguises when we come in.
[534] No, it's not going to work.
[535] I'm going to go to your house.
[536] I'm going to talk about how hard it was to get there.
[537] I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I take this freeway and that freeway.
[538] and I had to change my currency and you're going to be like, hey, this is where I go all the time.
[539] This isn't that far.
[540] And that's my life.
[541] No, no. Listen, if we do it in my backyard, I'm not going to be there.
[542] It's going to be a look -like, a Conan look -like.
[543] Oh, I love that.
[544] And he's going to be wearing an earpiece and saying what I tell him to say, and I'm going to be up in my room getting a rub -down.
[545] Okay?
[546] No, legit.
[547] Oh, okay.
[548] You said, no, who says rub -down?
[549] No, no. The only person that says rub -down that's sexual is a real Epstein.
[550] Oh, Jesus.
[551] He means Theo Epstein, the former general manager of the Red Sox.
[552] The sweathog.
[553] You only get better when you drink.
[554] Is Epstein the O. No, that's Horshack.
[555] Oh, that's Horshack.
[556] Guys.
[557] Which one was Epstein?
[558] The jackets.
[559] Yeah.
[560] This is, okay, you brought up Ron Polillo on a podcast recently, so.
[561] I hate it when you take this, like, position of, like.
[562] I know, this small high ground.
[563] Yeah, you brought up.
[564] the fucking Lord guy from that old show Jack Lord.
[565] Hawaii 5 -0.
[566] No, that was okay.
[567] No one talks about that guy anymore.
[568] I'm going to Google him.
[569] I don't think you're going to do anything.
[570] I don't think you can find your phone.
[571] That's a bar of soap.
[572] That's on the phone.
[573] Listen, I'm going to try and clear up some of the...
[574] I want to say there's some dry brush here that needs clearing out.
[575] Okay.
[576] Let's close on this.
[577] I think we've had a wonderful time here.
[578] And what I was trying to paint a picture of is next year we do this in my yard.
[579] Okay?
[580] And it might be a funny bit if I'm not there with you guys.
[581] We get an actor.
[582] And listen, he's wearing an earpiece and I'm up in my room and I'm getting like a massage.
[583] And that's what I was going for.
[584] I said rub down like, but I'm not some guy that goes to a rub and tug joint.
[585] You stuttered like maybe you have.
[586] I just love the phrase rub and tug joint.
[587] But I'm upstairs in my room And I'm occasionally telling the actor things to say And I have like all these delicacies and things up in my room Isn't that kind of a funny idea?
[588] I think the better idea is we do it at your house It's the three of us but you're in an Uncle Sam costume Oh no Can I also say listen I'm being very serious When we go to your house Can we go to where you know famous people live And can we knock on the door and say hey my pillow flew over in your yard Can I go grab it?
[589] Because there's so many famous people that live near you.
[590] So I just want to make sure The level of security they had When you went to get When you retrieved the pillow It would be riddled with bullet holes With a minute a pillow blows Into one of those yards It's immediately set upon By dogs and then shot So yeah, I don't know Isn't it sad that this is We gotta wrap this up?
[591] I actually, I just started Me too, I just started having fun That's called alcohol.
[592] I know.
[593] Why did we wait till this late?
[594] Why?
[595] I think you're right.
[596] I think it's smart.
[597] Because when you go back and look at the tape, you will understand why we waited to the last episode.
[598] Let's rewind it.
[599] Yeah.
[600] Let's rewind the tape.
[601] And then...
[602] You know what you are?
[603] You're my chill chum.
[604] You're my chill chilt chum.
[605] Eat tea fingers.
[606] Expulsion from paradise.
[607] God and Adam.
[608] Friends forever.
[609] Turn on your hot light.
[610] Do you remember that Neil Diamond song?
[611] My question is this.
[612] Did I bring you guys up to my level or did I go down to your level?
[613] You came down.
[614] I came down.
[615] I came down to the basement.
[616] I came way down.
[617] I came way down to the basement and then dug a hole.
[618] Remember when we heard those coyotes?
[619] Oh, yeah.
[620] That was scary.
[621] Kill that animal?
[622] Yeah.
[623] That was insane.
[624] If it was an animal.
[625] That's nature.
[626] We don't know what they found.
[627] And nurture.
[628] Come on.
[629] We'll take a break.
[630] We'll be right.
[631] No, sometimes if you say, at me like that if people aren't really thinking people think you said something profound i mean i just blew it but if i'd said and nurture well that's our time there'd be some people listening to be like man conan nailed it not a single person i don't think i don't think a single person would think that was profound yeah i think they would look see right through that and do you miss saying we'll be right back i do i do it in just normal conversations all the time now that's so weird i do with my wife i do with Liza.
[632] No. I do.
[633] Yeah.
[634] What do you mean?
[635] She says like, we're going to be empty nesters next year and she says, I don't know.
[636] It's bringing up a lot of feelings and I say, yeah, we'll take a break.
[637] We'll be right back.
[638] No, Conan.
[639] That's abuse.
[640] That's a real feeling she's saying.
[641] I know, but I don't want to deal with it.
[642] And you know, it's really weird.
[643] A commercial starts to come on in my head.
[644] And usually for not a great product.
[645] Usually because the program in my mind isn't selling for that much, it's usually not a good, you know?
[646] It's like, if you think you have mesotheliomy Wow, that's a daytime thing I know, it's a daytime thing What's the deal?
[647] Yeah I know we should have wrapped hours ago But let's talk about misothelioma What is with the people who have that Well, And what is the I'm sorry, but what is the settlement That's going to happen And maybe I have misothelioma Huh?
[648] Isn't it they get it from asbestos?
[649] Is it?
[650] Is it?
[651] Is it?
[652] Is it?
[653] You don't even have to drive home I thought a wonderful time.
[654] That's why I downed you.
[655] You're in Altadino.
[656] It should be it for you.
[657] There are goggles.
[658] And then I think maybe you should go night, night time.
[659] Yeah, I'm going to go night night time.
[660] I'm trying to get this cherry.
[661] He's going to sleep in that chair.
[662] Try that cherry.
[663] I think Tack's going to look out of his window and see a figure in a chair tonight, but it's going to be son.
[664] I'm going to be like this.
[665] Yeah.
[666] He's going to be like, again.
[667] Well, that was this year's episode of chill jumps.
[668] Will there be one next year?
[669] Will there be a next year?
[670] There's so much we don't know.
[671] But what we do know is that real friendships last, whether you're gathered in Altadena or Pasadena or a place that's sort of closer to civilization, as long as you have a good drink and good friends, good memories of having to wear an uncle Sam costume, entertaining, an entire camp with no preparation and totally bombing.
[672] I hope that if there's a heaven that I get to die and go up and just.
[673] see 16 millimeter footage of that, you know?
[674] I'm with, you know what, I'm with girls.
[675] Yeah.
[676] I will say you put so much thought and effort into all the events that you do.
[677] I have never seen you bomb, bomb.
[678] I would love to see you bomb and just be like so uncomfortable.
[679] I think that's a good, that's a good character building thing, I think, for you.
[680] Have you bombed since then?
[681] Because I imagine that that scarred you so much that you found a way to like preternaturally avoid bombing.
[682] Like you just, you have a kind of.
[683] anybody's always 30 seconds away from bombing potentially what a way to live what a way to live I will say my favorite thing is when you make a joke you're proud of and no one laughs I know it's funny because it never happens it's like saying I love seeing a humble luffelos um who what a humphalumphalus you mean snuffalumphicus?
[684] No I just made up an animal that doesn't exist messed up an animal no I didn't try to say snuffalo you sure did you tried to say snuffalo up again I did yes you did not try I just tried to say something like us.
[685] I just tried to make up an animal.
[686] No, that's not a thing.
[687] You didn't try to do that.
[688] You would never do that.
[689] Because you would go with something that works and you didn't go with anything that worked.
[690] You, that bombed.
[691] You bombed.
[692] You bombed.
[693] You bombed.
[694] Democracy's over.
[695] I'm going to say something about five minutes ago.
[696] I cast my gaze around the room and I saw Ruthie checking out.
[697] And Ruth, and Ruthie is the biggest fan of what we do.
[698] and Ruthie was looking like okay it's time to let's call it and that was five minutes ago and you guys are drunkenly saying you meant snuffalof against not Humphalumphalus we got you this time like you just cracked the biggest case of all time we pay amazing you this has to stop and I'm going to stop it good night chill chums it's good seeing you thanks for having us to your home oh thank you're welcome yeah well not inside in the yard and didn't really offer me anything to eat and thank you all do not do that there's so much there's so much food there's so much food there thank you Eduardo thank you Ruthie Sam the whole team Blay chills I know you're out there somewhere Adam figuring out a way to have this all work for marketing you know our devoted team you know Eduardo of course always has my back David drove me here in a car that's I can't described to you how small this car is if you imagine imagine a container for one Oreo cookie and then Ruthie is literally looking at her wife and then put four wheels on it.
[699] There's Josh, there's Mikey and then there's John Rao.
[700] Yep.
[701] Yoder.
[702] Oh wait, Mikey is right there.
[703] Yoder, Rachel Yoder.
[704] There's a cool crew here.
[705] Good night everybody and remember if you love us, we love you more.
[706] Take it to the next level.
[707] Two -pack out.
[708] Summer Smoors.
[709] with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[710] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[711] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[712] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[713] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[714] Take it away, Jimmy.
[715] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[716] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[717] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
[718] talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Kahn.
[719] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[720] Got a question for Conan?
[721] Call the Team Coco hotline at 669 -587 -2847 and leave a message.
[722] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[723] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[724] This has been a Team Cocoa.
[725] production in association with Earwolf.