Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hi, my name is Tracy Ellis Ross, and I feel delighted about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.
[1] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, Can tell never we are going to be friends Hey there, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[2] I am Conan O 'Brien.
[3] I do need a friend.
[4] I think we've done a lot of these.
[5] I don't think any of them have quite stuck.
[6] Initially, there's some enthusiasm and then calls are placed and not returned.
[7] But I'm here with people who are contractually my friends.
[8] That's true.
[9] You are obligated to be my friends.
[10] We've made friends.
[11] Yeah, we're friends.
[12] No, we've made friends too with some of the guests and stuff.
[13] Oh, yeah.
[14] Yeah, so we're doing great.
[15] That's right.
[16] It's funny, too.
[17] They're constantly texting you guys, and I'm left out in the cold.
[18] Yeah, Harrison Ford and I are at Chipotle most days.
[19] What did he like to get at Chipotle?
[20] The bowl.
[21] The bowl.
[22] I love the bowl, and then get off my plane.
[23] And Sono, who have you been hanging out with of the stars that have been on the show?
[24] You text a lot.
[25] I do.
[26] I'm a big texter.
[27] Yeah, you're texting with a bunch of different celebrities.
[28] I'm trying to think of someone, Hillary Clinton.
[29] You're such a bad liar.
[30] Ms. Mosesson, as you know, there's been a murder and you are a suspect.
[31] Can we talk to you for a second?
[32] Did you, were you, where were you when the murder happened?
[33] Londromat?
[34] Landerment?
[35] Landerment?
[36] Landerment?
[37] Landerment?
[38] I'm asking them if I was there.
[39] Landerment?
[40] What do you think?
[41] Lander mat?
[42] Where was the murder victim?
[43] It was just outside the laundromat.
[44] Okay, then not the laundromat?
[45] Terrible lie.
[46] I am a bad liar, though, for real.
[47] You are, Sona is one of the most honest people I've ever that she can't lie, which has caused major problems for us at times, because you've told me flat out what you thought of the show or how I did on something.
[48] But it's good.
[49] I need to know the truth.
[50] Yeah.
[51] So I mean, Hillary Clinton and I are just like, we're tight.
[52] What do you guys do?
[53] Yeah.
[54] We go to Magic Mountain.
[55] Wow.
[56] She loves Magic Mountain.
[57] She loves it.
[58] She loves she loves roller coasters oh good she liked the one that goes upside down yeah she likes um she likes that one she like riddler's revenge she loves riddler's revenge she loves Superman she loves she loves don't put question marks after these why are you putting your finger on your lip like a Hitler mustache I know I know it's so funny because I'm sweating disguise yeah no I uh yeah no but we go to we go to six flags all the time um she you know she did the podcast Hillary Clinton did the podcast and I got the sense that she is a lot of fun.
[59] I got the impression that, yes.
[60] You did?
[61] No, I did.
[62] I'm not, no, she's done it twice.
[63] I don't want to like say anything, but I don't know, fun.
[64] She is.
[65] No, I'm not kidding.
[66] And I've heard from a lot of people that she's a lot of fun.
[67] Like, when you get away from politics and everything, that she's lots of fun, that she enjoys herself, she laughs a lot.
[68] Yeah.
[69] And she likes Riddler's revenge.
[70] I figured she just likes going on long walks, which I feel like is a lot of people just like going on long walks.
[71] Just long, not a hard G. Don't do that.
[72] Do you hear it?
[73] Do you hear it?
[74] Yeah, I hear it.
[75] Well, you heard it too?
[76] I'm not judging it.
[77] I'm really scared.
[78] Both of you heard it.
[79] Look, I can't lie either.
[80] I heard your hard G. I don't care.
[81] It is.
[82] There's a G at the end of it.
[83] Yeah, but listen, it's like a speed bump.
[84] You just want to glide over that long.
[85] It's lied.
[86] But then you go long and then long and the car goes over.
[87] And the car goes over.
[88] a little cuckung.
[89] Do you know what I mean?
[90] Long.
[91] Just picture driving a car.
[92] You don't want to go over that speed.
[93] I don't think you understand how much this assessed me. Yeah.
[94] How do you pronounce this word?
[95] Sign.
[96] Idiot.
[97] Sorry.
[98] S -I -G -N.
[99] I'm just trying to help you.
[100] I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this.
[101] Listen.
[102] I know.
[103] I'm just really riled up.
[104] You have to give a big speech.
[105] You have to give a big speech as the new king and we're here to help you.
[106] I'm sorry.
[107] This is a Miramax movie and it's going to make this going to clean up at the Oscars.
[108] If you if you are what he said, this royal ruler, what is that called?
[109] The male royal ruler, rural gerald.
[110] What are you talking about?
[111] Say this word.
[112] Oh, my God, there's so much writing on this.
[113] King.
[114] No, no, king.
[115] King.
[116] You're just king.
[117] King.
[118] There's a G at the end.
[119] What is wrong with you guys?
[120] The English language has a lot of silent letters.
[121] What made you two the boss?
[122] What made you to the boss?
[123] I actually am the boss.
[124] And I think the Oxford English dictionary.
[125] It tells you how to pronounce it.
[126] Yes, it does.
[127] I mean, in the dictionary.
[128] If you look at dictionaries, they do tell you how to pronounce it.
[129] It tells you the pronunciation, and the pronunciation has a G at the end.
[130] Yeah, but I think when you use, what is it, the IPA, the international phonetic alphabet would tell you that that's not a...
[131] I'm checking a metric that right now.
[132] Guess what?
[133] I'm checking a metric that only I have.
[134] We are shedding listeners like crazy.
[135] We are shedding listeners like crazy.
[136] The minute we start talking about the name of the phonetic symbol and the OED.
[137] I think you need to prove this.
[138] That you guys are saying good correctly and I'm saying it incorrectly.
[139] I'm working on it.
[140] Okay, yeah.
[141] But listen, and sort of, this doesn't come from a place of bullying or anything.
[142] Yes, it does.
[143] Well, for me it does.
[144] But I'm saying from that, I think it comes from a good place.
[145] I know.
[146] I feel bad.
[147] I called you an idiot.
[148] No, you shouldn't because I feel like it seems like I'm coming down on you when that is the last thing I want to do because you're, you know.
[149] How did you think I was going to pronounce sign?
[150] I was genuinely curious.
[151] I wanted to hear if you would do sign or signa or sighing.
[152] See, now you get angry at me for.
[153] You're calling you an idiot and you wrote the word sign and you were like, how do you pronounce sign?
[154] I didn't get angry with you calling me an idiot.
[155] I agree.
[156] Okay.
[157] I don't like this.
[158] Remember the time I wrote, kick me and put it on your back and you got really mad and you said, who put this signy on me?
[159] That's funny because it's a callback.
[160] Just something that just happened, which means it's not a callback.
[161] Why the chicken cross the road?
[162] It's a chicken.
[163] That's a callback to it being a chicken.
[164] Coo -c -c -c -c -c -c -c -c -c -cuh.
[165] Sorry.
[166] If you Google King, King pronunciation, it says, there's a popular Google search that says, it's the G -in -King silent.
[167] So it says, ring and king, ringa and king -a in case, are nouns while I and G is a gerund, and in most cases, G is silent because it's easier to pronounce.
[168] Just try to pronounce something, and you'll see there's an effort in pronouncing G, which sounds unnecessary in a sentence.
[169] See, I think that's the thing.
[170] It doesn't say it shouldn't be pronounced.
[171] But can I say something?
[172] The point that Matt makes through his very strange app is that an app I think he consults regularly.
[173] No, this pronunciation.
[174] What I'm saying is I think that the point they're making is that it takes more effort.
[175] And that's what he and I are both concerned about is that it takes effort to say, you know, something.
[176] It's an effort that you don't need.
[177] We're trying to ease your burden in life.
[178] Don't you think that's fair?
[179] That's true.
[180] Plus, we have definitive here.
[181] This is the Cambridge Dictionary, which is from England, which is technically the King's English.
[182] Here's the pronunciation.
[183] King.
[184] Try it again.
[185] King.
[186] King.
[187] You know what?
[188] It's both.
[189] It's in between.
[190] You know what?
[191] I have to say, and I don't like saying this, they're closer to Sona than they are to O. I'd say it's midpoint because she's not saying, gee, she's saying king.
[192] Yeah, but why is she doing a, nah?
[193] Why is she doing it?
[194] It's king.
[195] I'm not doing king.
[196] pronunciation, here's the U .S. King.
[197] You know what I wish it said on the U .S.?
[198] It's America.
[199] We don't have a fucking king.
[200] Get a president.
[201] Get a president and suck it!
[202] That's what I wish it said.
[203] Oh, how do you say king in America?
[204] We don't, asshole.
[205] We say president.
[206] It's in the Constitution.
[207] Now suck it.
[208] All right.
[209] Well, I'm glad we straighten that out.
[210] Well, you guys are lazy.
[211] So you don't pronounce all the letters.
[212] That's what we do.
[213] So, no, we just went on this fancy speaking app, and it told us, I don't know, it was in the middle.
[214] And so I think I say that I'm, I forgive you.
[215] Oh, I was saying.
[216] And I apologize.
[217] I did not apologize.
[218] And I accept your apology.
[219] Wait.
[220] And you're forgiven.
[221] Wait, I said, I forgive you.
[222] And then you said, I don't apologize.
[223] What does that mean?
[224] Why are you forgiving me if I didn't apologize?
[225] The bigger concern is that for the last three recordings, you and I have been on the same side and I don't know what to do about this.
[226] This is the beginning, as they say, at the end of Casablanca of a wonderful new friendship.
[227] I don't think that's exactly right.
[228] It's not wonderful.
[229] Now fans are going to write in.
[230] It's not wonderful.
[231] I think it's beautiful.
[232] Shut up, fan.
[233] My guest today.
[234] Such hostility.
[235] You're so hostile.
[236] Oh, you don't have to be walking down the street on your way to buy some starbursts at Walgreens when someone's like, excuse me, but you misquoted the end of Casablanca.
[237] And then suddenly I'm in a knife fight when all I wanted was some starbursts.
[238] Do you have a knife?
[239] He has a knife and I have a knife.
[240] And then you hear the West Side Story music playing.
[241] It's Canife.
[242] Yeah, it's Canife.
[243] My guest today started in the hit ABC series Blackish.
[244] Now you can see here in the new movie Cold Copy, which is in theaters and available on demand.
[245] Tracy Ellis Ross, welcome.
[246] This is your second time on the podcast.
[247] Yeah, but now I get to be in the padded room with you.
[248] Exactly.
[249] This is the nice room, the really good room that we hadn't built before.
[250] But I'll tell you something, you came in here and such a ray of sunshine.
[251] You're like, seriously, your personality, like, whenever I'm around you, I feel like I'm having really good, expensive coffee.
[252] My heart starts to beat faster, you know, an hour from now I'll have to go to the bathroom.
[253] Oh, come on.
[254] But in a good way.
[255] You know, my real middle name is Tracy Joy.
[256] Tracy Joy Silberstein is my name.
[257] Really?
[258] Yeah.
[259] And I cannot drink coffee or eat sugar.
[260] I do the sugar thing, but I had a cup of coffee once in high school, took two sips.
[261] It was in exams.
[262] We were in the gym.
[263] 30 seconds later, I was like, what is happening?
[264] What is happening?
[265] And I felt like my entire soul went up to the ceiling, slapped itself up there, velcroed itself.
[266] And I was like, how will it?
[267] do this exam.
[268] I've never had coffee since.
[269] The thing is, you don't need it.
[270] Because you came in here and first of all, I came in, you came into the studio first.
[271] I'm following you and I'm just here laughter and everyone's in a good mood.
[272] Then I come in, things quickly settled.
[273] Everybody agreed.
[274] Everybody's like, hmm, okay, yeah.
[275] But it's out of respect.
[276] Right, right.
[277] Deference.
[278] Deference.
[279] You always have terrific energy.
[280] You really do, like you emanate.
[281] And that was true all your life, I'm guessing.
[282] I think so.
[283] I'm surprised it's happening now because I am not sleeping well.
[284] And so, but I seem to have, I'm glad to hear that, though.
[285] But for good reason, too, you got a call.
[286] I got a call this morning that you're in an Oscar -nominated film.
[287] Yeah, I feel really jazzed about that.
[288] American fiction.
[289] American fiction, I feel very proud to be in this film.
[290] And we got five Oscar nominations today.
[291] And my two, the men who play my brothers in the movie, Sterling K. Brown and Jeffrey right, both got nominated, supporting an lead actor.
[292] And you know, they say, you're only as good as your scene partner.
[293] Yes.
[294] So it's mine.
[295] Yeah.
[296] Those are your Oscars.
[297] Those are my nominations.
[298] And I feel good about it.
[299] About my work.
[300] Yes, you should.
[301] Have you seen the film?
[302] I have not seen the film yet.
[303] I have not seen the film yet, but I've heard terrific things about it.
[304] I'm very proud to be in this film.
[305] It's a really lovely, hilarious and also like meta.
[306] As an artist or anyone in the industry, like, you'll be like, oh, this is good.
[307] But it's also a family comedy at the core.
[308] It's a story about a family.
[309] I am not in this section of show business.
[310] I don't even know if I'm in any section of show business anymore.
[311] Is that the way they do it?
[312] They section it out?
[313] Well, they did.
[314] Early on, they said, you will never be Oscar nominated.
[315] You will never be in a film.
[316] No, no, but listen, no, it was not, it's not my skill set.
[317] It's not something I'm interested in.
[318] It was not, it was, I, but what I'm.
[319] just fascinated by the whole idea of you get a call in the morning.
[320] And it's like Christmas or something.
[321] It is like Christmas.
[322] I mean, it's happened before, like when I was nominated for an Emmy and things like that.
[323] Like you turn your phone on.
[324] The best is if you cannot remember.
[325] That is the best.
[326] So it's a surprise.
[327] When you remember, it's like a nightmare.
[328] You can't sleep.
[329] You're like, it's like Christmas morning.
[330] Like when you, on Christmas, you would like wake up so early and your parents are like, go back to bed.
[331] It's dark outside.
[332] They're like, we haven't put the gifts out yet.
[333] But this was a nice surprise.
[334] I turned my phone on and I was like, what's happening?
[335] Why there's so many texts?
[336] That's nice.
[337] It's nice to kind of not know.
[338] I like to be surprised by good news.
[339] Whenever I expect good news, it doesn't come.
[340] Or when it comes, even if it's good news, it doesn't quite match up to your imagination.
[341] Right.
[342] And you're like, oh, that was nice, but not what I wanted.
[343] I like it.
[344] You got really quiet.
[345] What do they call this?
[346] ASMR.
[347] That's so annoying.
[348] Yeah, but it's very.
[349] I like this now.
[350] Really?
[351] I like this.
[352] I like that people.
[353] People.
[354] Does it make you sleep?
[355] No, it just calms me down.
[356] Like when people are cooking and they're chopping.
[357] Really?
[358] Yeah.
[359] I like that people listening in their cars right now are leaning over to turn up the volume, taking their eye off the road.
[360] Yeah, and it's like, no, it's not you, it's us.
[361] You're doing fine.
[362] You're driving fine.
[363] Your ears are fine.
[364] Don't go to the doctor.
[365] Actually, go to the doctor.
[366] Go to the doctor.
[367] They'll text you and they'll just say, are you alive?
[368] And hopefully you'll answer.
[369] So this is a good day for you.
[370] It's a good day.
[371] But I get to feel you got a lot of good days.
[372] You know, things are humming along pretty well for you.
[373] You know what a friend of mine said, she said, you know, you're a human having a pretty pleasurable experience.
[374] And I said, you know what?
[375] That is very true.
[376] It's a nice way to kind of frame it.
[377] It's a mixed bag.
[378] Some days have a lot of, you know, mixed things in them.
[379] But mostly, I can't complain.
[380] I've really liked getting older.
[381] You like getting older.
[382] I do like getting older.
[383] You know what?
[384] I'm going to agree with you on that.
[385] I do too.
[386] It's much better.
[387] I wouldn't go back to my 20s if you paid me. I can see why there are people who are amazing athletes and they feel sad about the loss of their athleticism.
[388] I got them beat because I was never a good athlete.
[389] And also, you know, I look at pictures of me when I was young.
[390] and I wasn't hideous, but also I didn't stop traffic.
[391] So nothing, people weren't like, I got to, I got to ride that horse.
[392] No, no, no, pick a different phrase.
[393] I know what?
[394] No. I, right, that's, no. So that's, so I was waiting for some woman to say that to me, and they never did because it's not an expression.
[395] Well, try it in an ASMR, though.
[396] I got to ride that horse.
[397] No, it doesn't make it better.
[398] No. She said in full voice.
[399] I disagree.
[400] No. No, no one ever said I got to break me off a chunk of Conan.
[401] Oh, God.
[402] He's now using Kigat commercials.
[403] I don't know.
[404] By the way, are we all of the age that we knew the Peppermit Patty commercials?
[405] That was the best when he went skiing, when he broke open the Peppermit Patty.
[406] Oh, yes.
[407] Oh, and then, yes.
[408] We all watch the same TV.
[409] Yeah.
[410] Because there were...
[411] We did then.
[412] Because there were three channels.
[413] Yeah.
[414] Now we're, I don't want to young people listening.
[415] You're like, enough already, old man. But there were three stations.
[416] And you had to wake up before you went to bed.
[417] And it snowed so much it wasn't even snow.
[418] What?
[419] What does that mean?
[420] The rain was dry.
[421] When you took a bath, it was the shower.
[422] That's what I said to someone the other day.
[423] I said, if you don't know when the 90s were, they were before.
[424] I did have a thing where I told my kids the other day that once there were so few, there were only three channels or something.
[425] And then there was one like UHF station.
[426] There was literally nothing on.
[427] But sometimes, but yeah.
[428] And sometimes there was a channel that you couldn't get.
[429] So the only thing that came in that we could get was a Catholic Mass. We sat there like watching it just because it came in.
[430] Just because it came in.
[431] Something you couldn't drag us to.
[432] We were like, well, maybe when he was, eats that waf or something will happen.
[433] Just sitting there in silence.
[434] Oh, that's kind of a cool chalice.
[435] I wonder if anything's going to happen to that chalice.
[436] It's sort of like Raiders in the Lost Dark.
[437] But there was just nothing on, you know?
[438] And then back to, you know, what happened then, you would turn on the TV and it would snow.
[439] It was snow.
[440] Yes, just snow.
[441] You would just get snow.
[442] Yeah.
[443] And you were lucky if you got lines.
[444] Yeah.
[445] The lines meant something might come in.
[446] There might be a show coming in.
[447] And if you move the antenna around.
[448] Yeah, put some tinfoil on there.
[449] But it's funny, I contrast that now with, we all have, you know, a million options.
[450] And I just sit there and I'm like, you can't find anything.
[451] I could want, but I used to watch a Catholic Mass that was in Providence, Rhode Island, just because it came in.
[452] And I'm saying, Godfather to restored.
[453] I don't think so.
[454] Citizen King.
[455] And then you're like, I'm bored.
[456] Yeah.
[457] I could watch breaking up.
[458] I don't think so.
[459] I heard the wire is really like, nah, I don't think so.
[460] Just, it's insane.
[461] By the way, I had not watched the wire back then.
[462] And I recent, during the pandemic, I watched it.
[463] My God, is that a series?
[464] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[465] And then I finally got to the scene when they just say the curse word over and over that I'd heard about so many times.
[466] Right, right.
[467] And it's even better when you see it.
[468] Yeah.
[469] You're just like this.
[470] It was such a good show.
[471] You know what's funny is I, this is why I think sometimes that we're in a golden age of entertainment.
[472] People are always moaning about how life isn't as good now in one way or another or how the world's all going downhill.
[473] And I think, I have to say, I think the good television is better than anything that existed when I was a kid.
[474] Great movies are amazing.
[475] You know, I'm just, I'm stunned at the level.
[476] of entertainment.
[477] There's a lot of stuff that, okay.
[478] We get a lot of extra stuff.
[479] We get a lot of extra stuff.
[480] But the good is so good right now.
[481] I mean, yeah, did you see Anatomy of the fall?
[482] Yes, I did.
[483] I watched that the other night.
[484] I thought that was incredible.
[485] With my wife, and I went in not knowing anything.
[486] I didn't know anything either.
[487] She said, you should watch this.
[488] And I said, don't you tell me what to do.
[489] Oh, no. That went well.
[490] Yeah.
[491] This is heading towards the plot of anatomy of the plot.
[492] Yeah.
[493] But anyway, I didn't know anything about it.
[494] And I I was just riveted.
[495] I was riveted.
[496] And then I was angry because we had agreed to meet a friend.
[497] And she started the movie.
[498] And let's say the movies, an hour and 45 minutes.
[499] And you had to stop.
[500] An hour and 30 minutes in.
[501] She said, we have to stop and go pick up our friend.
[502] And it's before you find out what's going to happen.
[503] And I lost it.
[504] And I said, you knew.
[505] You knew.
[506] And she was like, I missed time.
[507] Did it a little bit.
[508] Shut up.
[509] Let's go.
[510] And so, but anyway, the whole time we're eating with our friend, I'm just, all I'm thinking about is what's going to happen.
[511] Oh, my God.
[512] But it was still, it still held up.
[513] It worked out when we got home.
[514] I thought that was a riveting, riveting, fantastic movie.
[515] And it was interesting to me to watch a movie that, in essence, is really small, but felt so big.
[516] It was just so well done.
[517] What's about so much?
[518] Oh, God, I really.
[519] Can you watch yourself?
[520] Absolutely.
[521] Refreshing.
[522] As much as possible.
[523] My God.
[524] God, I'm on a loop in my house.
[525] Even on the bathroom and the toilet.
[526] On the bathroom in the toilet, on the TV in the toilet.
[527] I don't even have a TV in the toilet.
[528] You can tell because I can't even say that.
[529] I love that.
[530] Yeah, I'm very comfortable watching myself.
[531] That's great.
[532] I like watching my work back for numerous reasons, particularly on Blackish and stuff, being able to see how something's being shot, what's being covered, what's working, what isn't working.
[533] I'm very vain, but I'm not very vain.
[534] critical of, particularly with acting.
[535] Like, I like when my face does weird things.
[536] When I watched Candy Cain Lane, my response was, oh, great, my wiggy.
[537] My wig didn't look wiggy, and boy, do I make stupid facial expressions.
[538] I mean, the camera cuts to me, and I'm like, what the fuck?
[539] My face is like, I love how stupid my face is.
[540] You know, it feels to be like.
[541] I just love that my, it does dumb things.
[542] And I'm not, because, you know, you look at some actresses sometimes, and the camera comes back to them and they're like, and you're like, what is that?
[543] Are you putting mascara on?
[544] I wonder if having, growing up was such an iconic mom in music and singer and, and in movies, if you knew early on, oh, I can be really funny in a way that sets me apart.
[545] It's my thing.
[546] Does that make sense?
[547] You know, in one sense, it wasn't on purpose.
[548] It wasn't a conscious sort of shift.
[549] But, like, when I was 22, my mom said to me, it's time for you to record an album because I sang all through growing up.
[550] And I was like, no way.
[551] Like, it felt too scary.
[552] I don't know that I consciously went towards being funny, but my dad, my personality is like his.
[553] He's hilarious.
[554] And I loved Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball growing up.
[555] And I felt a real kinship with that kind of screwballness and the ability to kind of not care what you look like, which is, I think, because I've never done stand -up, although I really want to.
[556] But the ability to kind of have that freedom in your body.
[557] Yes.
[558] But it definitely has been my path.
[559] I mean, my name is Joy.
[560] My middle name is Joy.
[561] I wonder if it's sort of, I just came out kind of bubbly.
[562] Right.
[563] But I don't know.
[564] It's such an interesting thing.
[565] I think I grew up always wanting to be a woman in a sparkly dress on a stage.
[566] And I got to be.
[567] to.
[568] How's that going?
[569] Risk treatments.
[570] It's more expensive than I thought.
[571] Yeah, it's like skiing.
[572] Well, it's funny because one of the things you said that I can relate to is I love, one of the things I've always loved about comedy is there's no vanity.
[573] I love it so much.
[574] I never think about how there are some, I'll admit, there are sometimes lately with high -deaf cameras and I age where I'm like, oh my God, couldn't someone have told me that half my face rotted off before we shot that thing?
[575] But mostly, couldn't they have done some, like, taped that up a little bit before I went out there?
[576] Or put some Vaseline on the screen on the lens?
[577] But mostly, I know that if people like what I'm doing, it's not because they want to break off and chunga that.
[578] They're just, I'm sorry.
[579] That's a phrase that's going to stick.
[580] I want to ride that horse.
[581] and then break off a chunk?
[582] Just no. Just no. I'm going to have nightmares.
[583] Okay, sorry.
[584] Well, that's what I do for women.
[585] But I like the surrendering of vanity that goes a lot with comedy.
[586] I love it so much.
[587] And, you know, you reference Lucille Ball and what people often forget, you don't think about it, is you and Lucille Ball are very beautiful women who then do comedy really well.
[588] And so there's this thing where you can, I mean, Lucille Ball was stunning, stunningly glamorous, but felt nothing about, oh, yeah, put a prosthetic nose on and let's have it catch fire.
[589] Or let's have me crying and have my face contorted.
[590] Let's have me stuffing chocolates into my mouth as you guys recreated on the Emmys the other night.
[591] Like, this is just something that I love is the surrendering all that.
[592] Yeah, sure.
[593] I can look amazing if I want to, but I'm doing this right now.
[594] I think there's also for me, like a sense of pure freedom where, like, every, choice is yours.
[595] And that for me, that it's like literally from my little toe to the hairs on my head get to participate in the thing I'm doing.
[596] And I just, and I do love that there's no vanity involved.
[597] There really isn't for me. I think the uglier I look, the better I think it is.
[598] I think it's funnier when there's a selflessness to how you lean in there.
[599] That Lucy bit was, I think.
[600] It was you, Natasha Leon, and recreating the chocolate conveyor belt at the end of it.
[601] I do believe, I literally, before we went on stage, I was like, I mean, the little girl in me was jumping up and down.
[602] She was like so excited and so excited.
[603] And then they forgot the prop of the papers.
[604] We had it in every rehearsal.
[605] And I was trying to explain because people were like, it was so funny.
[606] I was like, but you have to understand if you understand comedy, if you have nowhere to go.
[607] and you have to start at the top, then it's not, you can't do the thing you do because there's nothing to work from.
[608] So it was slapstick.
[609] And we went there, it was fine.
[610] I went there.
[611] I mean, I got to tell you guys, an hour later after we took the wig off and the eyelashes, I took the smock thing off.
[612] And there was a piece of chocolate.
[613] It was like, it had melted.
[614] So it was from up here, I was like from between my boobs down to my, like the top of my under.
[615] And it was just mushed chocolate everywhere.
[616] And then the caramel was all that was left.
[617] So it was just like a piece of caramel on my belly button.
[618] It was fantastic.
[619] I stuffed a lot of chocolate in my gown in my little dress.
[620] It was dropping out while I was reading the presentation.
[621] Because it has to be.
[622] Yeah.
[623] There's just a trail of chocolate following you wherever you go.
[624] Yeah.
[625] I was thinking about Amy Sedaris, who is also, she's very attractive.
[626] person who goes out of her way and has her whole life to tape up her note, do anything she could, wear old ladies clothes.
[627] She was doing this when she was a kid and it would drive her mother crazy because her mother was saying, you're an attractive young woman.
[628] What are you doing?
[629] My mom would always say, fix her face.
[630] Why are you making all those faith?
[631] Like, I would be telling a story and she would like touch between my eyes and be like, I'm like, I'm trying to tell a story.
[632] Amy Starrs.
[633] I'm just, I mean, your poor mom.
[634] Just don't, I mean, my mom with me, I was constantly contorting my face and doing over -the -top bits, and she would say your face is going to freeze that way.
[635] It's going to freeze.
[636] And I thought, well, first of all, that would be cool.
[637] Because I could go through life, like, oh, you know, like, I could work in the circus, and it would just be like, I don't know, it would be a lot of fun.
[638] It wasn't, I didn't, I wasn't scared of my face freezing.
[639] But when I did over the top bit, she, you know, she was the, and I think if, because there's this, there's this, it's this on this podcast, we never get to great stories.
[640] I don't allow it.
[641] No, no, I'm going to say I have one, but I'm not going to tell it.
[642] You guys, I have two great funny things.
[643] Yeah, yeah, there's no time.
[644] Anyway, so the other day, I'm having this beef stew.
[645] And this beef stew.
[646] It had beef in it, you guys.
[647] It had beef in it.
[648] It was, who knew?
[649] All right, go, go.
[650] Tell us these.
[651] But I mean, talking about, we're talking about, we're talking about.
[652] contorting your faces and parents and parents freaking out mom's responses so one was I my grandmother used to say that it was Tracy had the 12 year old the 10 year old giggles 11 year old and then it was just like okay they're not going anywhere and so I was like I was just like getting out of my body I could get it out I was like it's dinner time and it would drive my sister crazy ronda was like oh my car and my mom was like Tracy would you like to go outside and get the giggles out And I would be like, I would like to go outside and get the giggles out.
[653] So I would go out of the door, the sliding glass door outside dinner.
[654] My family's in there just eating dinner.
[655] And I'm out like, bouncing outside the door.
[656] And I'm like, ha -na -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.
[657] And I'd come back in and I'd be like, ooh, and she'd be like, did you get him out?
[658] I don't know.
[659] No, I think there's more.
[660] And I'd go back.
[661] So that's one story.
[662] And the other, poor mom, trying to do her best.
[663] A little diner all sitting there like, oh, my God, I made a job.
[664] Problem, child.
[665] So then the other is, when I moved out here to L .A., I had...
[666] My mom is Diana Ross, just for reference on this story.
[667] I take full responsibility for her career.
[668] Anyway.
[669] You made her.
[670] I did.
[671] If it weren't for me, I don't know.
[672] Those Supremes, ain't no mountain high enough.
[673] What?
[674] The boss?
[675] No one, none of it.
[676] Central Park concert.
[677] That was my idea.
[678] That was your idea.
[679] So when I moved out here to L .A., I had my version of no -mobile.
[680] So I'm just going to be honest.
[681] My version of my money was like I had my mom's credit card.
[682] I was living in a beautiful apartment, but I had no cash, okay?
[683] So I used to do things that I could do with the credit card.
[684] Like I would go, I would ask people if they wanted me to get them gas or like at dinner.
[685] I'd be like, I'll pay, give me the cash.
[686] Like I was like an ATM, right?
[687] So I made a video, a DVD, at the time it was a VHS video of me doing all my characters because I used to tell stories of these different people.
[688] So I dressed up in all these different, there was Madame I Verre, who I said, still do.
[689] There was Susie Sushi.
[690] There was Broadway girl who was singing an improv Christmas holiday song.
[691] All this stuff.
[692] And then I old school edited it together and I sent out 52 videos to everyone in my world saying happy holidays.
[693] And at the end of it said no judgment, happy holidays.
[694] And it was me like doing a ridiculous day.
[695] It was insane.
[696] I go home for Christmas and my mom's like, can we talk?
[697] And I was like, yeah, what's up?
[698] Let's go to my room.
[699] Oh, shit.
[700] If your mom wants to bring you to the room So we sit down on the edge On the side of her bed She's sitting next to me She was like How many of those She was so serious How many of those videos Did you send out?
[701] I said 52 And she was like Can we get them back?
[702] I was like No I think She literally was like, this is a comment on my parenting.
[703] Like, I failed my child.
[704] And she has sent out, like, a calling card of, like, the failed parenting.
[705] Oh, my God.
[706] She later understood, but I do think it was a little bit like, what have I done?
[707] Like, it's going to end up on Inside Edition of what is Diana Ross doing to her children?
[708] Like, the other ones are fun.
[709] To do 35 characters.
[710] Try dancing for her wards.
[711] Like, I don't know what.
[712] Anyway, it changed my career.
[713] It launched me into, you know, people were like, oh, is that who you are?
[714] But, yeah.
[715] Is it true that you have, because you do all these characters that you have photographs of them?
[716] Do you have photographs of your other personas?
[717] I do so.
[718] Yes.
[719] And by the way, I'm in a temporary place right now.
[720] And as you walk in, it's lined up.
[721] It's like the wall of Tracy.
[722] all the versions of me. There's Madamee Verre is a really special one that I have performed as done things as she, I used to post her videos all the time and then Clyby Champignon has her own page she is a fashion architect not a stylist she's not French but she only speaks with a French accent but she can't speak French at all that no knowledge of French no she's actually from Detroit but she does that's a great idea Yeah, but she is very connected to the French accent.
[723] I, uh...
[724] Treat.
[725] Which part made you laugh at heart?
[726] My mother?
[727] No, the Detroit part.
[728] Yeah.
[729] She's from Detroit, but I'm just the French accent.
[730] Poor thing.
[731] I'm curious about something because you did your first big success, which is girlfriends, right?
[732] You're doing that show, and then that show ends, and I always thought, right, you went right into Blackish.
[733] Oh, God, no. And that's how other people can experience your career.
[734] Like, when I think about you, I think of just, oh, since the first time I heard your name, you've been a success.
[735] But there was a, but seriously, that's how it can feel to other people.
[736] And there was like a six -year gap or something between girlfriend and Black, and Blackish.
[737] Because when you're, when I'm around you, it just seems so obvious that there should be a camera on you all the time.
[738] What do you think happened in that?
[739] I agree.
[740] Yeah.
[741] I don't know.
[742] Well, I think some of it, you know, is the segregation of Hollywood.
[743] And UPN then turned into CW.
[744] And we were on what is considered a black show.
[745] So there were so many people who knew our show and we were a huge success, but there were also the majority of the industry did not.
[746] Got it.
[747] And so I really did think after being on a show that I considered a hit that was so beloved for eight years as the lead that the pearly gates of Hollywood were going to open when it finished.
[748] They did not.
[749] They were locked.
[750] There were no scripts.
[751] nothing in.
[752] And that's actually when I started moving my characters more to the forefront and doing the other things that I do.
[753] And then I did a show on BET called Read Between the Lines.
[754] Did that for, I want to say, a year and a half.
[755] But even before Girlfriends, so Lyrus Lounge came first, which was a hip -hop sketch comedy show.
[756] It was fantastic.
[757] Really fun.
[758] Did a lot of characters on there.
[759] But preceding that were years and years of auditioning.
[760] being dropped from the Gersh Agency.
[761] The woman the agent said to me, she said, you just don't pop.
[762] She said, you come with all these things, these bells and whistles.
[763] You're pretty.
[764] Your mom's famous.
[765] You have good style.
[766] But then you get in the room and nothing happens.
[767] So we're going to drop you.
[768] I mean, I carried that punch for so long.
[769] I was like, oh, a person who doesn't pop.
[770] I'm a non -popping person.
[771] Like, you need to pop as an actor.
[772] You got a pop.
[773] I couldn't pop.
[774] Isn't it crazy, though, how when time goes by and then you look at those statements, it's so appallingly wrong.
[775] And it's from making me think of we had Harrison Ford were sitting in the chair you're in.
[776] And he was talking about how, you know, he's had Harrison Ford success, which is just insane.
[777] But he remembers the guy's name.
[778] who told him in the 1960s and he remembered exactly what he told him.
[779] Jerry Tukovsky.
[780] Jerry Tukovsky and he kept saying his name over and over again, but it was still a burning coal lodged right under his sternum.
[781] Oh, yeah.
[782] And I'm thinking, well, wouldn't like, at least two of the Indiana Jones movies have gotten rid of that burning hatred?
[783] Forget the other two.
[784] Like, no. And what I know, just because it's human nature, is those things, still burn even years, even years later.
[785] Yeah.
[786] I remember, there's a couple.
[787] You know, we all have them.
[788] I think my mom has one.
[789] Like, everybody's got them.
[790] And, you know, to certain extent, they become your fuel.
[791] And they help you answer questions or they take you down, you know.
[792] I, I think I've transcended.
[793] I think I pop.
[794] I hope I pop.
[795] I'm up, I want to pop.
[796] I love that you.
[797] You pop.
[798] You definitely.
[799] I want to pop.
[800] I love that you're.
[801] Yeah.
[802] Yeah.
[803] Yeah.
[804] You were one of the first, like, late -night shows that I went on.
[805] But I remember when I was on Girlfriends, I could not get on a late -night show.
[806] And I remember the Tonight Show.
[807] It was Jay Leno at the time and the talent booker.
[808] I will never forget what she said because I asked me. I was like, you have to tell me. I don't understand.
[809] You have to tell me. And they kept saying, call us when she gets something.
[810] And I was like, but, like, what?
[811] Like, you guys got to tell me what I got to go get?
[812] Because, like, I don't get it.
[813] Yeah.
[814] You know, but those are the kinds of things that they become this mystery that you...
[815] There's a very frustrating thing.
[816] I got out here.
[817] I remember there was this catch -22 of, well, you can't get a job.
[818] You can't get a job as a writer unless you have an agent and no agent wants to see you unless you have a job.
[819] It's insane.
[820] And you can't get a job if you're not in the union, but the union won't let you in the union unless you have a job.
[821] Yes.
[822] And so I remember thinking there's really this is impossible and there are these things that you encounter early on.
[823] And, you know, I'm saying this as a white male.
[824] Like, so I had as I'll be open.
[825] I had about as grease to track as anyone can have in at that, you know, at that time.
[826] But now I'm old.
[827] But I remembered thinking, this is tricky and I didn't have a fraction of the difficulties that you're talking about where you're saying, I've been on a show, but it's considered a black show and the rest of the industry doesn't seem to recognize.
[828] Yeah, it's, it was the realization of some of those things were fascinating.
[829] I remember on Blackish, I went to do my first looping session, my first ADR session.
[830] And the sound guy, they had said, you know, he's a very famous sound guy.
[831] He just done all the shows.
[832] He's big at all the studios and da -da -da -da.
[833] And he was like, I just, I mean, it's like you're like a seasoned vet.
[834] I just loved seeing such a newcomer be so look like.
[835] like you're so experienced.
[836] I said, what do you mean?
[837] And he said, well, I mean, you've never been on a show.
[838] And I said, no, no, no, I was on a show.
[839] Well, I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't a comedy.
[840] And I was like, no, no, it was a comedy, but it wasn't prime time.
[841] He said, no, no, it was prime time.
[842] He went through the whole list.
[843] He's like, but you weren't the lead.
[844] I was like, no, but I'm like, my God, is this is a comedy routine.
[845] Are you a plant?
[846] But you're not a woman.
[847] Yes, I am a woman.
[848] Well, your name's not Tracy, but it is.
[849] And he said, my God, I've got to go look up this show.
[850] I was like, yeah, you should just go look it up.
[851] Maybe you should shut up.
[852] I was like, my God.
[853] Yeah, it's a fascinating.
[854] The industry is, you know, it is, but it is also interesting to think of how it's changed.
[855] I mean, you know, growing up and having three networks or whatever it was, and then all of a sudden you get a new one, there was UPN.
[856] And you know what I mean?
[857] And now it's just, I don't even know where to go to find things.
[858] I have to Google the name of the show that someone told me. So, and where do you stream it?
[859] I write.
[860] And then sometimes it still doesn't give me good answers.
[861] It gives me all these things.
[862] And I'm like, I don't know what to do here.
[863] I will often figure out where it is the thing I want to see.
[864] And then I will go to that streamer that I know that we are signed up for.
[865] Yes.
[866] But it will say, no, I'm not letting you in unless you give me the 75 different passcodes.
[867] And my wife knows those.
[868] And I don't.
[869] And often I crumple to my knees and a camera lifts up to the sea.
[870] And I go, no, like, God himself has betrayed me. And it's just like, no, I'm fairly, just text your wife.
[871] No, she doesn't allow that.
[872] She doesn't allow that anymore.
[873] I just take the remote and I'm like, I just get so angry.
[874] I'm like, I just want to watch a show.
[875] Like, but you can't get in.
[876] Yeah.
[877] And I know they already have my money.
[878] They already have my money.
[879] I signed up.
[880] It says, you don't have that version of, I'm like, what do you mean?
[881] I swear to God.
[882] I paid the version.
[883] I don't, I did it last time.
[884] I can't.
[885] Where's the show?
[886] I love.
[887] I hate it.
[888] I love knowing that nobody escapes this.
[889] It's insane.
[890] The thing that I love is nobody escapes it.
[891] And I remembered once talking to President Obama on this podcast.
[892] And he was, I don't know if it was even off mic, but he started talking about how he remember being in the Oval Office.
[893] And like, they couldn't get the phone.
[894] phone to work and like two people came in and like, you're the, you're in the Oval Office.
[895] He had to get on customer service with Spectrum Internet himself and stay alarmed.
[896] Barack.
[897] Be Barack.
[898] It's C .K. Not just a K. It's K. C .K. Representative.
[899] Representative.
[900] Represented.
[901] Press one.
[902] Yes.
[903] Are you a sitting president?
[904] press one they even have a whole president section that's a great thing that's a great bit are you a two term or one term president Jesus and then you try to have someone else do it I'm so sorry we'll have to speak to the actual person who made the bill no it's so funny because it made me happy and then when I talked to Biden recently and he invited me into the Oval Office all I could do was stare at the phone and guess what it looks like a phone anywhere It's just a...
[905] It's just a...
[906] I got it all on a universal remote.
[907] I programmed it myself.
[908] It's all on an app.
[909] Check it out.
[910] He's like, I control it from my phone.
[911] No, no, no, I made an app.
[912] You made an app?
[913] Are you familiar with Oculus Rift?
[914] Be great if he was the most tech savvy president of all time.
[915] That's actually a...
[916] That's great.
[917] I wish that were so.
[918] I really do.
[919] Hey, you know, 99 .9 % chance it isn't, but you never know.
[920] You never know.
[921] But no, that hope you're talking about that, that feeling of, for all these years where you're saying, hey, I'm Tracy Ellis Ross, I know I'm really good.
[922] And then there's that moment.
[923] Well, hold on.
[924] Maybe you weren't saying that.
[925] I was going around saying, hey, I'm Tracy Ellis Ross.
[926] I'm really good.
[927] And people would say, I think you're mentally ill. And there's some gender confusion.
[928] But no, I could see there are years where you think you have something to offer, and it seems like that part takes forever.
[929] But then you look back.
[930] Then you look back later on.
[931] And it all kind of happened the way maybe it was going to happen.
[932] I don't know.
[933] Maybe that's too nice a view of it.
[934] I don't know.
[935] I mean, the thing that I find fascinating is how long it felt while it was happening and when you look back how fast it was.
[936] Because, you know, when you're 51, you know.
[937] Like, I remember as a kid that three months for summer break seemed like an eternity.
[938] Oh, my God, yeah.
[939] It was, like, three months?
[940] Like, what am I going to do for three months?
[941] And then there was, like, no plan.
[942] And it was, like, horrible.
[943] And now, like, three months is such a short amount of time.
[944] Right.
[945] And so there's a sense of that.
[946] Like, even during the pandemic, it felt like an eternity.
[947] And I do think I didn't walk around thinking, what did you say that I was?
[948] was good.
[949] What was it?
[950] Trace Sales Ross and I'm good?
[951] You must have known that you had something really good to offer.
[952] No?
[953] I hoped I did.
[954] And I think it took me a long time to realize that I did.
[955] I knew I was something, but I didn't know what I had to.
[956] You know what I mean?
[957] Sure.
[958] I mean, you have to have a certain amount of confidence to lean into this business.
[959] But I think a lot of the things and the roadblocks that I hit gave me enough doubt that it was like, I mean, ooh, am I nuts here?
[960] And then now, you know, you look back, I don't know.
[961] I mean, it's such an interesting thing.
[962] Because I don't know that I believe it every day now.
[963] Right.
[964] You know, I know who I am as a person.
[965] I know who, like, I'm like my worth as a human being.
[966] But I think that's why, like, even doing that Lucy sketch was like, I'm like, I don't, like, I hadn't acted since I finished Candy Cane Lane last March.
[967] So almost a year, strikes, all these things and I hadn't done that thing and I have a company you know I have a beauty company a beauty brand that's doing incredibly well I've been a business woman for the last year I do speaking engagements and that's a big way that I pay for other parts of who I am and I hadn't done that thing and I got off that stage and I was like I love this so much and I went to the governor's awards this year and Mel Brooks was being honored and they showed his reel with like jean wilder and nathan lane and matthew broadrick like got up there and did broadway singing thing and i'm like this is like the stuff like lights me up like i just i get like like a kid that's just like oh my god or is that a star like um and so it's it's definitely it's something in me that i love it lights me up whether i was good at it or not i didn't totally know and i don't know that i have any interest in investing in whether back good at it or not as long as I'm happy doing it.
[968] I think there has to be doubt.
[969] I just always think there has to be.
[970] I would prefer to be a person with a little doubt than a person who has too much confidence.
[971] Some people I'm like, but what are you?
[972] Listen, you're wrong.
[973] Yeah.
[974] But also when I look at when I watch television and I see most talking heads, they're 100 % sure about everything they're saying.
[975] Fascinating.
[976] Most politicians are 100 % sure what they're saying.
[977] And I think can we get back to having respect for people who say, Huh.
[978] It's difficult.
[979] This is, I never think things are a sure thing.
[980] Anything I'm connected with, I'm always worried.
[981] I hope it goes well.
[982] Don't you think that leans you towards doing your best and continuing to try?
[983] And also, I do think that the death of a career is when you think you know everything.
[984] Yeah.
[985] You know, when you think, like when you're not teachable, I don't know, the death of a human experience.
[986] Like to stay curious and teachable is kind of the thing that keeps you growing, keeps you moving, keeps you connected to other people, keeps you being one among many and not just this singular thing.
[987] Right.
[988] I don't know.
[989] I'm curious if, because you mentioned the beauty brand, which I know was a huge success.
[990] And the name of it is pattern, pattern beauty.
[991] Pattern beauty.
[992] We're a hair care brand right now.
[993] Okay.
[994] Is there anything for you for me?
[995] Because and also, I'm curious.
[996] Now, hold on.
[997] I'm going somewhere.
[998] I'm not stopping you.
[999] I'm just because I know about your brand.
[1000] It just makes it even funnier.
[1001] I just.
[1002] I just, wondering I have iconic hair.
[1003] You do have iconic hair.
[1004] And, uh, and maybe, there is, there are products for you.
[1005] You could use our stronghold gel.
[1006] And maybe you would want to put my face, um, on the box.
[1007] This is a, hmm.
[1008] You okay, Sona, you all right?
[1009] You're drinking a lot of water over there.
[1010] No, no, no, you should keep talking.
[1011] Well, I'm just saying it's something that I would offer up.
[1012] And now you're having water.
[1013] Bring me off a piece of that Conan bar.
[1014] Why is everyone having so much water?
[1015] Oh.
[1016] Lordo doesn't seem to have any water.
[1017] That's good.
[1018] I'm just offering that up.
[1019] We are a brand that exceeds the needs of the curly, coily, and tight -textured community or anyone that needs hydration in their hair.
[1020] But our content is centered around the celebration of black beauty.
[1021] And I don't think you check that box.
[1022] I think you are, I don't feel seen at this moment.
[1023] I don't see you right now.
[1024] because you are invisible.
[1025] I'm saying we've got to break this barrier.
[1026] I've got to be part of, don't you think?
[1027] No, no, no, no. No, there's so many things you can be part of.
[1028] You can use the products.
[1029] Yeah.
[1030] Why aren't you pursuing Irish Spring or something?
[1031] I went to them.
[1032] They're not interested either.
[1033] Really?
[1034] The Irish won't claim me. The Irish won't claim me. It's just no one wants me. Does that still exist?
[1035] That smelled so fresh.
[1036] It really did.
[1037] It really was a top line soap.
[1038] It's still around.
[1039] By the way, this is a question I love asking people.
[1040] Bar or liquid soap?
[1041] I like bar.
[1042] Well, I use both.
[1043] It depends on what's there.
[1044] But I like a bar.
[1045] I think I'm bar, but my wife buys liquid.
[1046] Yep, me too.
[1047] Interesting.
[1048] What are you?
[1049] Liquid.
[1050] Okay.
[1051] Yeah.
[1052] When I discovered liquid, I was like, oh my God, what is this bar for?
[1053] That's true I was like, I want this to have a lot of that I have another question I'm really dying now I love what I want to know what time everyone wakes up in the morning Oh well this morning My dog Loki Woke me up Woke me up at 6am I don't know why But woke me insisting He didn't need to go to the bathroom Well he went outside But then he like loitered And smoked a cigarette Like he His name is Loki Yeah really He just I mean, you're kind of asking for it.
[1054] He didn't look.
[1055] It was like, my kids came up with that name because they said it's the god of mischief.
[1056] Yes, it is.
[1057] And so, and sure enough, he like grew into his name or they saw that in him.
[1058] But yeah, he woke me up at 6 a .m. Usually if I can get to 7, that's like perfect for me. And were you always an early riser or is it just since you've become a grown up?
[1059] No, I think left to my own devices as a young man I would really sleep in.
[1060] But I think that's a young man's game.
[1061] And then I think I don't really do that anymore.
[1062] So, but yeah, so I'm, what about you?
[1063] What's time to get out?
[1064] Well, I have a two -year -old.
[1065] So even if she doesn't, I'm up at 5 or 5 .30.
[1066] You're 5 or 5 -30.
[1067] I'm set.
[1068] Yeah, I'm baked in.
[1069] Same thing.
[1070] I have a toddler.
[1071] I have two toddlers.
[1072] Why did you say one?
[1073] I don't know.
[1074] That is so weird.
[1075] Why do you hate Mikey?
[1076] Who knows?
[1077] Why do you think it's Mikey?
[1078] We know it's Mikey.
[1079] Oh, no, I love them.
[1080] I have twins and they're two and a half.
[1081] And so, yeah, anywhere between 530.
[1082] So you don't sleep anymore.
[1083] I don't.
[1084] No, I really don't.
[1085] Oh, that's so fun.
[1086] No, God, is it that long?
[1087] Might be.
[1088] Three months goes by like this, so don't worry about it.
[1089] No, I know.
[1090] I'm not an early riser, but I am now.
[1091] What about you?
[1092] I'm somewhere between 6 .30 and 8, 630 and 7 .30, I would say.
[1093] Must be nice.
[1094] But I always used to be an early riser.
[1095] Like, I was a person who did my homework in the morning.
[1096] I would wake up at, like, 5 .30 when in school, I don't know why.
[1097] I think I was so tired when I got home.
[1098] I would just kind of conk out.
[1099] But I think it's such an interesting.
[1100] question, I'm so intrigued with what time people wake up in the morning.
[1101] People's like morning routine is fascinating to me. The first big Hollywood party I ever went to.
[1102] It was like, I know, it was a ridiculous Hollywood party and everybody was there.
[1103] And I'm just wondering.
[1104] Give us a couple names.
[1105] Well, I'm going to.
[1106] Yeah.
[1107] I'm just, but I mean, you know, Tom Cruise is there.
[1108] Not familiar.
[1109] Like Barbara Streis.
[1110] Like all these big names are there.
[1111] And I'm wondering through the hallway and all of a sudden, I swear to God, Warren Beatty steps out.
[1112] He, like, slid into view and went, Conan, how much sleep do you need a night?
[1113] What?
[1114] I don't know where.
[1115] I had never met him before.
[1116] That is fascinating.
[1117] He just slid in as if he was on a rail, like, just like, and Q Warren, and they slid it in.
[1118] And he went, Conan, looking impeccable, how much sleep did you night?
[1119] And I said, I need at least eight.
[1120] And he was like, I need nine to ten.
[1121] And then he's, and then he, like, slid out again.
[1122] So it's like, it was like a carnival ride.
[1123] It was like Mr. Toad's Wildrider.
[1124] I'm going through in a little cart.
[1125] And then the Warren Beatty comes in.
[1126] and asked me the question, I reply, and he said, I need nine to ten, and then slides out again.
[1127] And my little cart kept moving.
[1128] That is really a great story.
[1129] That's what happened.
[1130] That's a true story.
[1131] I need nine to ten, and he slid out.
[1132] Also, who has, how do you, what do you, what do you, how do you get nine to ten?
[1133] There's a reason he looks that good.
[1134] I mean, it's genetics, but also he think he was, I think he was just sleeping when you didn't see him on camera.
[1135] He was just sleeping.
[1136] Action, cut.
[1137] I'm going to bed.
[1138] Yeah.
[1139] That's five.
[1140] Nine to ten is just neat.
[1141] I can't imagine.
[1142] I don't think my body could, it would just be like, no, I must wake up.
[1143] No, I could.
[1144] You could sleep?
[1145] I could sleep.
[1146] But like on a regular basis, we're just like to catch up.
[1147] If I have health, like, if I take an edible, absolutely.
[1148] I can easily sleep.
[1149] She has an alarm that wakes her up every hour and she takes three edibles.
[1150] Oh, okay.
[1151] That's a true story.
[1152] Every hour.
[1153] She said, oh, okay.
[1154] Terrible addict.
[1155] Anyway, I want to make sure I get the word out too on cold copy.
[1156] That's where you want.
[1157] Yeah, terrible addiction.
[1158] Anyway, we're worried about her.
[1159] Oh my God, this is terrible.
[1160] Yeah, Mother to Twins.
[1161] Now you're going to plug.
[1162] You're going to do a plug?
[1163] Well, I want to make sure we get the word out on cold copy because this is out now.
[1164] Cold copy is out now.
[1165] It is.
[1166] Cold copy is out now.
[1167] I play a cutthroat high -end journalist.
[1168] And you're in like a death grip battle with another journalist.
[1169] Well, she's my protege played by Bell Pauley.
[1170] And yeah, I don't think I smile once in the movie.
[1171] I've got a serious bang.
[1172] A lot of bangs on the face.
[1173] And it was really fun.
[1174] I smirk in the movie when I successfully manipulate.
[1175] It's fun to play mean.
[1176] It's fun to be cutthroat.
[1177] It's fun to let that dog out to play.
[1178] It was so fun.
[1179] And so going for it, just since Blackish, I've had like a real opportunity to play some fun different things.
[1180] But this was particularly juicy.
[1181] Yeah.
[1182] Cold copy is in theaters.
[1183] Well, there's a lot to congratulate you on here, and I can't even list it all.
[1184] But your day starts with being in an Oscar -nominated film.
[1185] Yeah.
[1186] That's exciting.
[1187] And I will say this, having had you on the show a couple of times, and you've been on our show twice, I love it.
[1188] I love it when I get to be around you because you have so much energy.
[1189] And, like, good, like, you pop.
[1190] Yeah, you pop.
[1191] You pop.
[1192] You pop.
[1193] I was looking for the word and I was going to go with pop.
[1194] And then I thought, well, no, we've been told by the Gersh Agency, you don't pop.
[1195] They're wrong.
[1196] Lizzie Porter.
[1197] Oh, yes.
[1198] Put her on the board.
[1199] Put her on the board.
[1200] We're coming for you.
[1201] We're coming for you.
[1202] Add that to Jerry Tukovsky.
[1203] No, I am so happy for you and you deserve all good things.
[1204] And thank you for being here and making time for us.
[1205] Oh, my gosh.
[1206] It's my pleasure.
[1207] I enjoy sitting with you all the time.
[1208] So much fun, because I'm delighted about being your friend.
[1209] There you go.
[1210] Same.
[1211] What I tell you?
[1212] Book ended.
[1213] Book ended.
[1214] All right.
[1215] Thank you so much.
[1216] Thank you.
[1217] Sona.
[1218] Yeah.
[1219] I believe you have the mic.
[1220] Okay.
[1221] I already talked to you about this because I made you pay me back in some way.
[1222] But I made a hair appointment four months ago that was just barely going to be getting me in time today for our recording session.
[1223] Right.
[1224] And then I find out you want to record earlier, so I have to cancel my appointment, and then I pay the full price for the appointment, and then...
[1225] Say how much that is.
[1226] I'm not going to do that.
[1227] I will.
[1228] $300.
[1229] No, don't do.
[1230] I don't want people thinking on boogey.
[1231] Hold it.
[1232] It was at Supercuts.
[1233] It was $45.
[1234] Supercuts?
[1235] Yeah, I don't know if super cuts is still around, but...
[1236] So it wasn't super cuts.
[1237] Hold on a second.
[1238] I'm going to try and...
[1239] I'm going to dish out some reality here, but...
[1240] Come on.
[1241] You keep going.
[1242] Well, what I'm saying, so I got, I got not upset, but I was frustrated.
[1243] So then we went and ate this now, and I'm not even that hungry, but I ordered a sandwich, and I ordered almost every pastry they have because I knew Conan was paying.
[1244] Yeah, you load it up.
[1245] Yeah, and I got a banana.
[1246] Yeah, and you ordered a Porsche Boxster while you're at the counter.
[1247] It's so much more than the appointment.
[1248] It's being delivered in an hour.
[1249] Okay, here's the chain.
[1250] I was up really early this morning dealing with some stuff.
[1251] and very early and then I realize we're not starting till one in the afternoon I can go earlier and I, this is how I thought I thought I can go earlier if it's okay with the gang and if it works for them meaning sometimes because you guys have little kids I think maybe you're gonna if you can get in and out faster it's better for you so here's what I write this is my text to Adam Sacks but by the way I'm happy to go earlier today at noon if that helps anyone period or not comma whatever works.
[1252] That does change things a bit.
[1253] Then I hear from Adam.
[1254] Is that your preference?
[1255] I'll send an email if so.
[1256] Why did you make Adam's voice like that?
[1257] Because he's just like, you can tell, he's craving.
[1258] It's not a direct imitation, but it does capture the essence.
[1259] And then I said, feels like it might be good to get going, but I'm only putting this out there if it works well for Matt and Sona.
[1260] And look at this.
[1261] One is also fine.
[1262] That is my text.
[1263] and then it says everyone is good to go at noon.
[1264] Now, this is a phenomenon that I'm familiar with where I say, you know, it might be nice if people want some tea, I could have tea brought in.
[1265] Is that what you want, Conan?
[1266] My point is, there's this game of telephone that happens, and I have a really good example of it, which is when I first got the late night job.
[1267] You know me. I am a pathologically chatty person who likes to get to know people, say hi.
[1268] and I noticed that none of the interns would look at me and I thought, oh, they must really hate my comedy.
[1269] They must really despise me. And then I found out after like two years that it was a holdover from the previous late -night regime.
[1270] You're not supposed to look at the host.
[1271] And it was this game of telephone like, don't you look at Conan.
[1272] And so I think that based on my texts, these charges are outrageous.
[1273] Go ahead.
[1274] I have a rebuttal.
[1275] The distinguished gentlewoman from Altadena.
[1276] Yes.
[1277] Matt could make it.
[1278] And what I was thinking, I was like, I know that if I tell everyone we have to start at one because I have a hair appointment, I will not hear the end of it from you.
[1279] No, no, you misunderstand.
[1280] No, no. Conan?
[1281] No, first of all.
[1282] Conan is Conan.
[1283] Today, Sesame Street's brought you by the number two.
[1284] Conan, you would.
[1285] No, no, no. First of all, I have an interest in you getting your hair worked on.
[1286] Wow.
[1287] Worked on.
[1288] Well, I'm just saying.
[1289] it is, it's a mess sometimes.
[1290] I didn't have any product in today because I thought I was getting my hair done.
[1291] Well, I'm saying sometimes you'd come in and I feel like if I shook you, office supplies would fall out.
[1292] Oh, no. But I mean, she...
[1293] You're not helping your case.
[1294] What I'm saying is...
[1295] I need more pastries.
[1296] Listen, shake your hair.
[1297] I would have been...
[1298] You asshole.
[1299] I'm sorry, I'm on your side.
[1300] I'm on your side.
[1301] If she sneezes, three crullers are going to fall out.
[1302] Sona.
[1303] Sona.
[1304] Sona.
[1305] Come on.
[1306] I would have said, fine.
[1307] Please get the hair taken care of.
[1308] Get that shit's taken care of.
[1309] That's what I would have said.
[1310] You know what I mean?
[1311] No, you wouldn't have.
[1312] Yes.
[1313] You would have been like, oh, she needs to get her hair.
[1314] I don't guess, okay.
[1315] And then you would have made me hear about it for like two months.
[1316] Here's the analogy, Sona.
[1317] What if you heard, like Sona said, you know what?
[1318] It would be good for me if I could go at noon.
[1319] And I said, I can do that.
[1320] I'll just cancel my appointment with my psychopharmacist.
[1321] And that's okay because he was going to up my prozac.
[1322] You'd say, No. Go get the Prozac.
[1323] Yeah.
[1324] Well, I'm saying you got to get that hair taken care of!
[1325] Could it be that all this rivalry and all our contention on this podcast is actually the fault of these middlemen that are handling these communications?
[1326] No. Oh, definitely.
[1327] It's his fault.
[1328] No, no, no. It's because I knew the bitch were going to come.
[1329] And this is not your fault.
[1330] I'm not victim blaming here.
[1331] But why didn't you just say I can't do it?
[1332] Yeah.
[1333] Because I don't want him to make fun of me, man. But look, but listen.
[1334] Look at your smile.
[1335] I know.
[1336] I'm smiling because you think this stopped me making fun of you.
[1337] I just switched to the other position.
[1338] And we started a segment to grill him and now it's turned to where he's making fun of you.
[1339] All I did was switch to the, I wish you had gone to the hair appointment because you've got to get that hair straightened out and fixed.
[1340] That's all I, you know what I mean?
[1341] Come on.
[1342] So you can't.
[1343] For you to say I did all this.
[1344] I gave up this and what I mean you made this appointment months ago Are you meeting with the Dalai Lama?
[1345] Who's cutting your hair?
[1346] She's been an ongoing saga She's been trying to get in with this person forever So I got in with another person Who I actually really liked I got my hair cut from her by her And then she made an appointment for me Four months from that date And I could only get it four months later Because she was doing it otherwise I would have to wait a lot longer And you already changed it once for this day, right?
[1347] Can I?
[1348] No, I didn't.
[1349] I just talked to her about finishing it earlier.
[1350] Guys, can I make a suggestion?
[1351] Sona, as you know, I went to Armenia with you.
[1352] It's kind of a famous episode.
[1353] And I am, listen, I am a bit of an icon in the Armenian community.
[1354] I'm not bragging.
[1355] I'm just saying, I am an icon.
[1356] And that's not bragging.
[1357] Wait a minute.
[1358] I'm looking that up, but I just said.
[1359] Oh, yes.
[1360] That's a total insane.
[1361] No, it's a real.
[1362] It's kind of true, too, because I love you.
[1363] I have some street cred with the Armenian community.
[1364] Okay.
[1365] Okay.
[1366] So I say we call this woman, we talk to her on Mike, and I say we need to make an appointment.
[1367] What?
[1368] Why do you think she's Armenian?
[1369] Oh my God.
[1370] People for things?
[1371] Yes.
[1372] Sona?
[1373] I mean I do.
[1374] Sona, is she Armenian?
[1375] Yes.
[1376] She's not.
[1377] I said that as a joke.
[1378] Okay.
[1379] She's not.
[1380] She's not.
[1381] She's not Armenian.
[1382] Again, and this has nothing to do.
[1383] I'm sweating and I'm wearing a scar.
[1384] Can we do a two -parter and we'll call her on the next.
[1385] segment?
[1386] Yeah.
[1387] Okay.
[1388] Which community is she from?
[1389] Because maybe I have street credit in that community.
[1390] No, you definitely, she's half black.
[1391] You're definitely not.
[1392] Oh, are you kidding?
[1393] You think so?
[1394] I am loved in the black community.
[1395] I don't know.
[1396] I just said that.
[1397] It's not true, but I go around saying that at the top of my lungs all the time.
[1398] Yeah.
[1399] When I walk down the street, sometimes I just shout, I am loved in the black community.
[1400] It's a form of Tourette's I have.
[1401] Which is exactly why you're probably not.
[1402] Oh, we should get E .B. on Mike and find out if I'm loved the black community.
[1403] I mean, we really should.
[1404] She won't do it.
[1405] It will have to black out her camera, but she'll do it.
[1406] We don't say black out her camera.
[1407] That's racist.
[1408] But listen, it's not your fault.
[1409] That's the way you were brought up.
[1410] You thought that she was Armenian just because I'm Armenian and you think I go to all Armenian things?
[1411] Do you go to mostly Armenian people to deal with things in your life?
[1412] Do you or do you not?
[1413] Where do you get your Chinese food?
[1414] From Armand Dahlabazian.
[1415] makes the best wanton in town he does make good one time I think we need to get this person on the phone we'll do another segment but we do have to cover the greater issue of the fact that the schedule changes so much around here that you don't even see how much we're juggling things to try to make this way okay well see this is the problem I am never going to change anything again do you guys prefer and I'm this is you know this is me I'm talking about this we're talking about this stuff directly if we're scheduled to go at one would you prefer noon if noon's possible Or would you rather it just, I figured you would?
[1416] I like 11 even, because then there's less traffic going home.
[1417] What about you, Sona?
[1418] Look, I'm going to be completely honest.
[1419] This is the one day I actually had something that conflicted.
[1420] Oh, my God.
[1421] That's right.
[1422] I forgot you have nothing to do.
[1423] You haven't even, you can't even get your hands on your children because you have 30 family members.
[1424] When was the last time you physically saw your children?
[1425] Was it April?
[1426] I think April was the last time you saw them.
[1427] No, what I'm saying is I am very flexible.
[1428] But what do you prefer?
[1429] We've talked about this.
[1430] I know.
[1431] I actually prefer earlier, too.
[1432] I think we changed, we did it earlier, and then we changed it later so there was time to eat.
[1433] But you also, you don't eat.
[1434] I don't eat a lot.
[1435] No, I'm trying to stay, you know, lean for the camera.
[1436] But then you're going into a one o 'clock session with no lunch and you got no steam.
[1437] If we went in 11, you're still riding high on breakfast.
[1438] Yeah, but listen to me with no food.
[1439] That's what I mean.
[1440] At one.
[1441] And look how good that is.
[1442] I mean, you're afraid it's going to be too good?
[1443] I'm afraid there's a level of good that people can handle.
[1444] And do you know what I mean?
[1445] No. Oh, what did you write?
[1446] He just wrote rap because I just said.
[1447] You were talking about how good you are.
[1448] Me, that's the rap song.
[1449] Me with low blood sugar, dark side of the moon.
[1450] You know, and then you want to make that album 10 times better.
[1451] I don't think people can handle it, man. I don't think people can handle it.
[1452] All right.
[1453] I think we learned nothing in this segment other than there is a major communications problem because I did read you the actual texts.
[1454] I was trying to be consistent.
[1455] consider it, and then it turns into the monster demands we all scramble in there at noon.
[1456] And you are, which was not the, which was not the message.
[1457] You are really nice.
[1458] And also our schedule is not super different.
[1459] What was that?
[1460] I'm really what?
[1461] I'm not going to say.
[1462] I'll edit it out.
[1463] Okay, good.
[1464] Thank you.
[1465] But what I'm going to say is you, it is a very flexible schedule.
[1466] There's very little justification I have to not be available.
[1467] Yeah.
[1468] And you got to let's get the hair.
[1469] Oh, come on.
[1470] I am actually being nice.
[1471] I know.
[1472] And I'm being nice too.
[1473] as a friend.
[1474] I mean, you can't walk around.
[1475] That thing's going in a million different directions at once.
[1476] You want to say anything about the fact that I was so scared about the bits that would come knowing that if I came anyway.
[1477] I know, I'm not safe.
[1478] Now you're, you've been hit with bits.
[1479] You've been bit hit and you're out $300.
[1480] All right.
[1481] To be continued.
[1482] Yeah, Grawley will make up the $300.
[1483] That's on him.
[1484] All right.
[1485] Peace out.
[1486] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[1487] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley.
[1488] Produced by me, Matt Goorley.
[1489] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[1490] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[1491] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[1492] Take it away, Jimmy.
[1493] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[1494] Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
[1495] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
[1496] Talent booking by Paula Davis.
[1497] Gina Batista and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[1498] Got a question for Conan?
[1499] Call the Team Coco hotline at 669 -587 -2847 and leave a message.
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[1501] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.