Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hey, Logan, meet Conan and Sona.
[5] Hey, Conan.
[6] Hey, Logan, how are you?
[7] I can't hear you.
[8] Oh, we can't hear you, Logan.
[9] Logan, are you there?
[10] Oh, I'm here.
[11] Oh, good.
[12] There you are, Logan.
[13] Now, I want to, before we even begin, find out whose fault that was.
[14] Would the fault be on our end?
[15] I think it was on our end.
[16] Now, what happened there, Eduardo?
[17] I was trying to talk to Logan who seems like a wonderful fan and what happened you didn't turn you only have two buttons there must have been some interference in the connection the satellite that was smart because he won't know if you're not saying the right thing no I can tell I'm being bullshitted Logan let's make it about you and not about my sound engineer who made a terrible mistake Logan where are you right now I'm in Tulsa Oklahoma Tulsa Oklahoma okay very cool and are you a native of Tulsa I am not a native of Tulsa, but I grew up in Stillwater, Oklahoma, which is about an hour and a half away.
[18] All right, okay.
[19] So you didn't, you don't have to go that far.
[20] It's, uh, you went to, you're in Tulsa now.
[21] And what is it you do, sir?
[22] I am a urologist.
[23] Oh, okay.
[24] We have a lot to talk about.
[25] Oh, yeah.
[26] We really do.
[27] Um, I was never that interested in urology.
[28] And then as one gets on in years, one, um, you know, starts to think, uh, you know, maybe.
[29] I'll need a urologist in my future.
[30] Everything's fine now, but you never know.
[31] Tell me what I should be concerned about as a urologist.
[32] I've just come in to talk to you, talk to me, Logan.
[33] What do you need to know?
[34] First, you probably should tell me what your symptoms are because when patients come in to see me, they usually don't, you know, ask me to tell them what the problem is.
[35] They usually come in with a problem.
[36] Very good.
[37] Thank you.
[38] I see that you, you, Okay, you're practicing a very strange kind of medicine, but yeah, I always, all my doctors are improvisers, and so I come in and go, hi, Doc, what's up?
[39] And then they say, you have a lump on your bottom.
[40] And they haven't even looked at me yet.
[41] Logan, whenever I urinate, a blueberry jam comes out.
[42] Oh, my God.
[43] But I mean, it's hard.
[44] Sorry, Conan, that's normal.
[45] Actually, but it's an actual, sellable blueberry jam.
[46] And, I mean, it's.
[47] Is that the one you bring into the office all this?
[48] Yeah.
[49] People love it.
[50] Christmas is coming up.
[51] Christmas is coming up and I'm making jam.
[52] Logan, tell me, let's get serious here for a second and then devolve into more foolishness.
[53] Tell me about being a urologist.
[54] What kind of things do you work on?
[55] What are your specialties?
[56] What are your treatments that you're usually doing?
[57] Yeah, so I am a reconstructive urologist.
[58] I did a fellowship and so I do a lot of surgery for urethral stricture disease, for example.
[59] in men, which is where scar tissue builds up inside the urethra, and it becomes very difficult or impossible to urinate.
[60] Wow.
[61] Can I also break in with a quick question?
[62] I have many questions.
[63] I do too.
[64] I'm a curious person.
[65] Why would there be scar tissue in the urethra?
[66] What would be, what would one have to have been, I mean, I understand an athlete getting scar tissue on their knees because they're using their knees all the time in their athletic pursuits, but why?
[67] Why would I have scar tissue in my urethro?
[68] So that's a good question.
[69] So I'd say the most common thing is some sort of a straddle injury.
[70] You know, you kind of land between the legs.
[71] Oh, like falling on a bicycle seat or something.
[72] I mean, a lot of times it might be something nobody even really noticed had happened.
[73] Or maybe it was just a minor injury.
[74] But over time, the scar tissue develops because the urethric kind of gets crushed under the pubic bone.
[75] Mine does, for sure.
[76] I have a question.
[77] First of all, I'm not done yet because I have one follow -up to this, which is, Logan, I often, I like cycling.
[78] I like bicycling, getting on a bicycle and taking long rides.
[79] And I have this habit of rather than my bedroom's on the second floor and the bike is in the garage on the first floor, a lot of time to save time, I just leave the bike out side the second floor window.
[80] And I say to my wife, I'm going to go biking now, and I leap off the second floor window onto the hard bike saddle.
[81] It's very painful.
[82] I've been doing it for about 25 years every day.
[83] Am I a candidate for urethral stricter?
[84] I would say yes.
[85] How's your flow, Conan?
[86] What's that?
[87] I told you, it's a blueberry jam, and it's once a year.
[88] There's no other peeing.
[89] Now I'm going to throw it over to Sonah, who I'm sure has a real question.
[90] It is a very important question.
[91] If the peepee can't come out, what happens to the pee?
[92] Is it just there?
[93] Is it in your bladder forever?
[94] Where does the pee go?
[95] Can we call it?
[96] We can call it.
[97] We're all adults here.
[98] Excuse me, Logan.
[99] We're all adults here, and I think we can call it wee -wee.
[100] You know, we're men of science, Logan and I. And what's called to Wii -wee?
[101] Where does the Wii -wee go?
[102] So the Wii -wee stays in the bladder or it can reflux up to the kidneys.
[103] It can actually cause renal failure if it goes on too long.
[104] Not so funny now, are you, Sona?
[105] You said the wee -wee thing.
[106] You did the wee -wee.
[107] So that's bad.
[108] I would imagine that you need to treat that very quickly because, as we all know, that you want to keep your kidneys healthy.
[109] You know, bladder, to hell with the bladder.
[110] You can always get another one.
[111] What?
[112] They could just put a balloon in there or something.
[113] I'm guessing a bladder.
[114] I mean, kidney does such complicated stuff.
[115] Yeah.
[116] But I'm just thinking a bladder, you could go to Firestone tires and get some kind of.
[117] Is that right?
[118] It's easy to replace.
[119] You can have a fake bladder, can't you, Logan?
[120] That's actually not correct.
[121] What?
[122] Logan.
[123] Yeah, you can't just go down to the hardware store and pick up another bladder.
[124] I think, you know what I think?
[125] I think, Logan, you tell people that because you want them to pay the big money.
[126] Your big fear is that this is an easily solvable problem and they don't need to go to Logan and lay out their hard -earned cash.
[127] So you're creating this.
[128] fear oh there was a guy what well there was a guy that experimented with this sort of like 3d printing model almost type of yeah regenerative bladder kind of surgery where they would kind of put these cells onto this mold and try to grow a bladder yep and he did i think perform that surgery and reported the results but it couldn't be really um uh verified by others the results the results didn't seem to be to hold up when other people Yeah, whenever someone says I did something amazing and they said, do you mind if we look at the results and they say, I'll be right back, I need to go to Argentina and never return.
[129] I mean, this person is amazing, by the way.
[130] I don't want to run them down.
[131] He was a genius, but still.
[132] I mean, it was a genius?
[133] So he passed on.
[134] He's a genius.
[135] No, he's still alive.
[136] Okay, all right.
[137] Okay, then I can find him and have him arrested.
[138] So you do that, kind of, what kind of, so it's reconstruction.
[139] You don't do, and I'm asking for a friend, but you don't do cosmetic penile enhancement in any way, do you?
[140] No. I don't.
[141] Right, okay.
[142] And who would do that?
[143] Who would do that?
[144] There is such a thing as Paironi's disease, which is a condition where the erection becomes curved, and it's a result of scar tissue that builds up inside the penis, so we do surgery to correct that, or we do injections to correct that.
[145] But it's for a functional issue.
[146] Right, it's not, it's not, uh, difficulty.
[147] Yes, be that difficulty.
[148] It's not necessarily a cosmetic.
[149] No, it's a practical, uh, if something is really curving crazily, one cannot have Congress with one's partner.
[150] Uh, that makes sense to me, although I'd kill for a curve, you know?
[151] I think it just, Well, add some, I'm saying, because after a certain period of time, you want to spice things up in the bedroom.
[152] And what would spice it up more than, check this out.
[153] It starts out straight and then it's hitting right.
[154] People have surgeries to correct it, and you want it?
[155] I want to go to Logan and have him to give me a curve.
[156] Oh, can you give people curves?
[157] I mean, I've never done that before.
[158] Well, you know what?
[159] There's always a first time.
[160] But I suppose I could.
[161] Can it curve?
[162] I want it to curve and then go up.
[163] I want it to do like, not just a curve, but a curve.
[164] Yes, I want to, yes, yes, yes.
[165] And you know what, if you do this, and it's a success, they'll call it the Logan Swirl.
[166] And all the celebrities, all celebrities will be line, yes, I want it to look like my pompadour.
[167] You want it to match your hair.
[168] I want it to match my pompadour.
[169] Oh.
[170] Yeah, and then when I'm in a bar and I see a lady, I see you like what's going on up top?
[171] Well, guess what?
[172] It's also going on down south of the border!
[173] And then the doctor's come and take me away.
[174] You know what?
[175] I feel terrible, Logan, because this is a serious craft.
[176] You're really helping people.
[177] How do you help women?
[178] What kind of work do you do on female patients?
[179] So I treat incontinence, you know, bladder leakage issues, prolapse, vaginal prolapse.
[180] So like pelvic floor reconstruction and that kind of thing.
[181] Right, right.
[182] That's not as fun as wee -wee and pee -pee.
[183] You know what, I'm going to say this.
[184] Men's genitalia is just funnier.
[185] It is.
[186] Like, when you talk about women, I'm like, oh, yeah, oh, boy, okay, well, I hope they get better.
[187] When you talk about a man, I'm just laughing.
[188] Yeah.
[189] It's just funny.
[190] You were talking about wanting a curved penis.
[191] A swirl.
[192] I want the Logan's swirl.
[193] You can't do a swirl vagina.
[194] Well, I don't know.
[195] Well, that's up to Logan.
[196] Can you swirl?
[197] No, what are you swirling?
[198] I don't know if you could swirl a vagina.
[199] I don't know if that's possible.
[200] Logan, getting a word right?
[201] into it.
[202] Logan, Logan, they just took away your medical license.
[203] Just because you said, I'm not sure you can swirl a vagina, they're taking it away.
[204] They emailed you about Logan's medical license.
[205] I just got this from the New England Journal of Medicine.
[206] Oh, wow.
[207] It's a big article.
[208] It's front page.
[209] But they say, I will agree that most of the good stories come you know from the mail side as far as the things you see on call, things that come into the ER and that kind of thing.
[210] Well, our reproductive organs are outside our bodies and they're ridiculous looking.
[211] I mean, and I'm just going on my own, but it's an absurdity.
[212] They hang outside the body, they're very vulnerable and so guys are constantly getting into I mean, what rom -com have you seen in the last 10 years that doesn't include a quick scene of someone getting hit by a tennis ball on the balls?
[213] Yeah.
[214] And then they cut to a dog going, oh!
[215] Or they stick them in places.
[216] Stick, what do you mean?
[217] They boys like to stick them in things.
[218] Not all boys.
[219] Like they like to stick things, they like to stick their things in their peepees in the like holes in all the weird holes.
[220] You mean, I mean not plate holes they should be in.
[221] You know what?
[222] I told you that in confidence.
[223] That was two friends talking and I was asking you, do you think I'm going to get in trouble?
[224] Because the light socket was at work.
[225] No. Yeah, it was.
[226] And everyone thought a fuse must have blown.
[227] And then I came into my hair, was gone straight up.
[228] And I went, what happened?
[229] Everyone okay?
[230] There was a small fire in my pants.
[231] Logan, I mean, listen, we have taken, you are a man of science.
[232] You are a man who's helping people.
[233] And look what we've done.
[234] And I'm going to say mostly this is on Sona.
[235] What?
[236] Why?
[237] Just go with it.
[238] Okay.
[239] But you, I admire you.
[240] You're obviously got a great sense of humor, but I appreciate that you're doing this good work.
[241] What's it like when you're operating?
[242] What's the mood in the operating room?
[243] Is it super tense?
[244] No, I wouldn't say so.
[245] I mean, it can be at times, but most of the time it's not.
[246] We do like to, we actually listen to music in the operating room.
[247] And what I like to do is, you know, I'll pick it.
[248] I'll say, all right, somebody pick a decade and someone pick a genre, you know, and we'll do a play.
[249] list, you know, of those two things.
[250] So, like, 70s dance party is one of our favorite ones.
[251] Oh, that's fun.
[252] It keeps things moving, you know, it's like disco music.
[253] It's kind of hard.
[254] Sure, you're scraping out a man's urethra, and you want to hear some soul -trained classics.
[255] What if you dance too much and you cut it off?
[256] Oh, well, we don't dance in there.
[257] I mean, we're operating.
[258] But your head's bopping a little bit.
[259] It's good to have a little something, you know, in the background.
[260] Right, right.
[261] I can see Would you ever listen to this podcast while you're doing urethral stricter surgery?
[262] I mean, you know, podcasts don't really translate very well.
[263] Ours does.
[264] Because you've got to pay attention.
[265] No, you don't really have to pay attention to this one.
[266] I'm focusing on what I'm doing.
[267] Yeah.
[268] Okay, well, I highly recommend that you and the other, what's the, you know, short term?
[269] What do you guys call other urologists?
[270] You must have a quick way of saying it.
[271] Are you Uri's?
[272] What are you?
[273] Uri's?
[274] Well, sometimes we're the stream.
[275] Team.
[276] Stream team.
[277] I love the stream team.
[278] I love that.
[279] I'm writing that down.
[280] We're going to get you a stream team t -shirt.
[281] Wow, I'm learning a lot.
[282] I am too.
[283] I am too.
[284] So you don't do cosmetic stuff.
[285] Okay, Conan.
[286] No. But who does?
[287] No cosmetic.
[288] I'm sorry, Conan.
[289] But who does?
[290] You know, that's a good question.
[291] And I'm going to be honest with you, it's not a size issue because everything's a okay there.
[292] This is more of a things over time, just starting to look like they need some rehab.
[293] You know what I mean?
[294] What?
[295] My penis looks like I went six rounds with a champ.
[296] Oh, what the fuck?
[297] Oh, I do know, this is a true story.
[298] True story, I do know, I won't name names, but I do know this is a woman had sex with a pretty well -known rock star who's famous for getting around, and afterwards she said, oh my God, his penis looked like it had been through World War And I was wondering, what does that mean?
[299] Was it smoldering?
[300] Did it have, you know what I mean?
[301] Was there rubble?
[302] Was there crushed concrete?
[303] What does that mean?
[304] It looked like it had been through World War III?
[305] Did it have a limp?
[306] Yeah, it had an eye patch.
[307] I mean, the whole thing.
[308] It's suddenly a pirate.
[309] Yeah.
[310] Oh, I've been on the seas many times.
[311] Oh, my God.
[312] Well, anyway, Logan.
[313] I can talk to you privately about cosmetics.
[314] I'm sure you know some people in that business.
[315] And look, I live in Los Angeles.
[316] I'm sure they're everywhere.
[317] Sorry.
[318] Logan, I'm sorry.
[319] I was just going to jump see if you have a question for Conan.
[320] Was that something that came to you naturally?
[321] Or were you I looked at Blay and I said, should I ask him if I should ask a third question?
[322] So Blay was nervous because there were too many laughs and we were having too much time.
[323] Oh, I'm sorry.
[324] Okay.
[325] See, Logan, I work with my own team and man, I wish they were listening to music because sometimes they do the wrong thing.
[326] But Logan, do you have a question for me?
[327] How can I help you?
[328] Sure.
[329] So Conan, how many times at night do you get up to pee?
[330] Oh.
[331] Wow, that's a good question.
[332] Well, I'm going to say, on average, twice.
[333] I can get by on once, but sometimes twice.
[334] It depends on how deeply asleep I am.
[335] But it's not that bad.
[336] I've talked to other gentlemen of my vintage.
[337] What, what, well, why should I be telling you?
[338] What do you think?
[339] It's twice too much.
[340] I mean, I think two, no, I don't think two is too much.
[341] One to two is okay.
[342] I mean, people start to, you know, lose sleep.
[343] If they get, up three or four times at night.
[344] I mean, it could really affect you the next day.
[345] So, you know, that's probably something that should be looked into.
[346] I do shit 24 -7.
[347] I mean, it's just non -stop.
[348] You didn't ask about that.
[349] And that I've been told it's not right.
[350] I sleep on the toilet.
[351] And I'm wearing a giant funny hat.
[352] I don't know why I'm wearing a funny hat, but I mean, it's non -stop shitting.
[353] Oh, no. Just, yeah.
[354] I mean, I'm right now in the studio.
[355] It's crazy.
[356] So, but that's not your area.
[357] Right, that's not really my...
[358] That would be, who would I talk to about that?
[359] Probably a colorectal surgeon or a gastroenterologist.
[360] Yeah, or maybe a restaurateur.
[361] It could be the food.
[362] Yeah, I eat...
[363] Yeah, perhaps an allergist.
[364] An allergist.
[365] Something you're eating.
[366] Yeah, I eat about...
[367] 24 -7.
[368] I consume about 800 pounds of red pinto beans a day.
[369] And that could be the issue.
[370] you're on the toilet, you're eating beans.
[371] I have a funnel that comes down from the ceiling.
[372] Oh, come on, man. All right, Logan.
[373] Oh, man. You're a delight, and I apologize.
[374] Because I feel like I've, this has been absurd.
[375] You're someone to be taken seriously.
[376] You're very intelligent, you're kind, you're doing good work, and then you, why did you call?
[377] Why did you contact us?
[378] What made you think any good would come of this?
[379] I just want to say, Conan, I'm a huge fan.
[380] This is a dream coming true for me, honestly.
[381] Like, I can't believe I'm talking to you right now.
[382] And I'm loving every minute of it.
[383] Oh, good.
[384] Okay.
[385] And, you know, urologists have a pretty good sense of humor for the most part.
[386] If you meet us at a party or something, just, you know, chat us up.
[387] We've got some good stories today.
[388] Okay, so what I should do, the next time I go into a party, I'm going to see, yo, who's on the stream team?
[389] Hey, Logan, a real pleasure talking to you.
[390] You seem like a very cool guy, and I hope to cross paths with you, probably when I'm having some kind of urethral stricter.
[391] You're the man, all right?
[392] If you get it, give me a call.
[393] All right.
[394] Thank you so much.
[395] All right.
[396] Take care, Logan.
[397] Thanks, Logan.
[398] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.
[399] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.
[400] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[401] Theme song by the White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy.
[402] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[403] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[404] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
[405] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[406] Got a question for Conan?
[407] Call the Team Coco hotline at 669 -587 -2847 and leave a message.
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[410] This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.