The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel, right now.
[5] Sometimes in life, you have these unbelievable, somewhat cruel coincidences that occur, that it's hard to make sense of.
[6] And last time you came on this podcast, I would define it as, for me anyway, a pretty cruel coincidence because we had a conversation to do with life generally and success and the mindset and psychology and all the things that you're an expert on.
[7] And for whatever reason, that day, I decided that I wanted to spend 30 minutes talking about marriage, cheating, love, and asking you these very personal questions about monogamy, which I've never done before with any guest ever, and which I really had no place or reason to ask you more than anyone else.
[8] And it just feels to me, for what we're going to talk about in part today, that that was a bit of a cruel coincidence.
[9] And, you know, one of the questions I asked you was, do you believe in monogamy?
[10] And then I asked you, can you love someone and cheat on them?
[11] And when I listened to that podcast back, I now noticed why you laughed.
[12] Because it wasn't a, you laughed, yeah, and it wasn't a normal laugh.
[13] It was like a real belly laugh, right?
[14] Like a bit of a nervous belly laugh.
[15] Yeah.
[16] After we came off air on that podcast, you told me something.
[17] And it even gives me goosebumps now thinking about what you said.
[18] And it gave the whole team in the room who overheard our conversation goosebumps as well.
[19] So after our 30 -minute conversation about marriage and monogamy and cheating and love, what did you say to me?
[20] I told you a story.
[21] And that was about two weeks earlier.
[22] I'd been traveling back from London home.
[23] And I got out of the train station.
[24] and my wife picked me up and we got into the car and we had planned to go and have a brunch at my favourite little spot they do amazing Corvo's Rancho sauce I was very excited and she said let's go straight home I've made sandwiches and she doesn't make great sandwiches so I said no no I think the brunch is a better option and she said no there's something that I need to tell you and I said is it bad and she said yes and I said, is that about the marriage?
[25] And she said, yes.
[26] And then we began to drive back.
[27] And I had the sinking, feeling in me. And we drove for about five minutes in silence, and then I went to put my hand on her lap, and she said, don't.
[28] Don't touch me, because you won't want you after I've told you what's happened.
[29] And that's whenever it dropped.
[30] And I remember that 10 -minute drive back home then felt like an eternity.
[31] I was just looking at the window.
[32] And we got home, we got into the house, into the kitchen.
[33] And I was standing by the kitchen table, hands rested on it.
[34] And I said, what's happened?
[35] And she said, I've been having an affair with a man from work.
[36] And I remember just tears began to stream.
[37] I didn't move completely emotionless, tears began to stream.
[38] And then she said, and that's not all.
[39] And she said, I'm pregnant with this child.
[40] And in that moment, I felt like I lost a lot.
[41] You know, I'd lost my wife.
[42] I'd lost the life we'd created.
[43] I'd lost the dog, our home, her, my parents, a lot, her family, everything that I'd really held dear.
[44] If someone said, what makes a meaningful life?
[45] I would have described these things.
[46] And it felt like they'd just been snatched away, just came crumbling down like a house of cards.
[47] And then fast forward two weeks.
[48] And Steve decides to ask.
[49] And I remember because the first thing, no, no, it's fascinating because the first thing you asked was, you're married, right?
[50] And I did this high -pitched laugh.
[51] And I go, ha, ha, ha, ha.
[52] Yes.
[53] And then in conversation, flowed on, and it's themes I'd really thought about.
[54] Can you love someone and cheating them?
[55] Does monogamy exist?
[56] Is it natural?
[57] Are we set up to live a life where we're in one relationship with one person only?
[58] And so with the past 18 months, it's been a process and some of these themes have been very real to me. I just, as I reflect on, that conversation and when I played it back, um, after you told me, so we come off air, we stood next to the table and the microphones and you, you explained to me what's happened.
[59] Yeah.
[60] I'm, for the first time in my life, completely speechless.
[61] And the thing that blew me away, even more so than than what you had said to me was your ability to be so calm and rational and objective in the answers you gave.
[62] And even when I listened back now, although there was that laugh, which was a bit of an indication, you were able to speak about someone betraying you or being deceitful with a level of calmness and apparent emotional sort of restraint that I just admired so much from someone that was right in the middle of the emotional hurricane and had just been victim of that act.
[63] And you said that, you know, about the topic of monogamy.
[64] How did that change your opinion and and also the subsequent 18 months of processing on the topic of monogamy.
[65] So as a quick aside, I like that analogy and we touched upon it briefly about the hurricane and it's funny actually because a friend of mine showed me a book about a week ago and it was different personality profiles depending on the day that you'd been born on.
[66] I want to be looked mine up, there's a little meditation at the end, a summary and it said there's still a part of the hurricane is its center.
[67] And that essentially has been a philosophy that's guided my life, where sometimes there's a storm and it's horrendous and it's raging.
[68] But if you can cultivate that sense of stillness and calmness and clarity deep within you, no matter what life throws at you, you will be okay.
[69] because the second part of whenever I was told that news and the tears were streaming and I felt that sense of loss and overwhelming sadness it was a remarkable moment where in that instant and I can only describe it as a whisper I heard a whisper within me as if it was resonating from a heart that all will be well forwards all will be well all will be well and I knew even then I knew whenever, you know, those tumultuous emotion, I knew everything's going to be okay.
[70] I will get through this.
[71] I'm going to have to walk through the desert.
[72] And I'm going to have to endure horrific amount to an emotional level.
[73] But it's all going to be fine.
[74] How did you know that?
[75] I think it's something that I've cultivated over 10, 15 years.
[76] And that's why I do what I do now, because I want to help other people to be able to reach that stage.
[77] and it began on a journey of Buddhist exploration and understanding the nature of life.
[78] And I came to this realization that life involves suffering.
[79] There's no promise that it's going to be happy, go lucky, and really pleasant all the time.
[80] Really horrific things happen in life.
[81] And on one level, there's no way that we can ever rationally explain it away.
[82] Sometimes bad things happen.
[83] but it doesn't end there.
[84] It's a bit like that line that someone once sent to me. Whenever you're suffering, don't ask, God, why am I suffering?
[85] Ask, God, where are you taking me?
[86] And so I've developed this ability to begin to view my life as though it's happening to someone else, as though the experience of the thoughts, the emotions are something that I can almost take it back on.
[87] and have perspective and I can see it and I can feel it but I know that my thoughts that isn't just who I am my emotions isn't just through my and that's a temporary experience and and throughout my life no matter what has happened even whenever it's been brutal it's often shifted me in a new trajectory and there's been a new meaningful life ahead of me and I knew even then she's going to be okay she'll be okay it's going to be a tough road for her too but should be okay.
[88] And it's going to be a tough road for me to you, but I will be okay.
[89] Anger.
[90] Hmm.
[91] So many people in that situation, whether rightly or wrongly, just because of the way that they are, would have reacted with anger.
[92] And for some reason, you were both calm in telling me, you're calm now.
[93] And this remarkable thing, which I, I think I, I struggled to understand a little bit is one of your first concerns was her.
[94] well -being versus your own mm -hmm why because I loved her and I was in the practice of of placing her emotional well -being and her happiness on the same level of mine if not sometimes first and foremostly but at least on unequal playing field and and I was just so in that habit and that was the toughest thing to let go of.
[95] The thing that I still struggle with today, and I'm still, it's the one part that I realized the other day, that I still had a fear of upsetting her or of her not being okay.
[96] And so that's something which just really developed and was so ingrained.
[97] And it's interesting on the point of anger.
[98] If you said, like your wife, partner for 10 years, married for five has an affair and is pregnant with another man's child, how will you react?
[99] I would just had anger.
[100] I'd be furious.
[101] But it wasn't there.
[102] At least not initially.
[103] It was this overwhelming sense of sadness.
[104] It was just that sense of loss of knowing that, again, that she's potentially done something that she might regret for a long time when I don't want anyone to go through that experience where they feel like they've fucked up hugely.
[105] Even if the future is positive in that moment, my sense is there will be regret or at least shame.
[106] Did you know that the Dario of a CO now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[107] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life.
[108] And the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[109] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[110] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[111] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.