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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Do you want to do podcasting?
[17] Do you want to do podcasting?
[18] Oh, do I want a podcast right now?
[19] Yes.
[20] I'd love to.
[21] This is a formal invitation to a Minnesota.
[22] I'm accepting your invitation.
[23] Oh, thank you.
[24] Oh, my God.
[25] You don't have anything.
[26] I didn't go to the store.
[27] I don't have any beverages.
[28] I'm not wearing shoes.
[29] Well, then never mind.
[30] You guys, today, welcome to the Minnesota.
[31] This is my favorite murder.
[32] It's like Minnesota.
[33] It's Minnesota, but it's smaller and warmer.
[34] And this is Karen.
[35] and that's that this is Georgia and that's Georgia and we switch seats just to change it up for our creativity freaking me out man is it is it hard so far once I lay back and like completely lounge I think I'll be cool okay once my legs are like at a 90 degree angle yeah you got to get them up above your head do you want to do the first ones sure okay so these are your hometown murders that you guys send us I'm actually doing one from our incredible Facebook group because I read this one the other night And I was like, well, I got to do this.
[36] Okay, good.
[37] So this is Deb L. And she says, my hometown murder is me, or rather, would have been me if not for, well, let me explain.
[38] Oh.
[39] My profile picture is me in kindergarten in 1967 in Norwalk, California.
[40] I was a child on the spectrum before there was a spectrum to be on.
[41] Back then, I was just weird Debbie.
[42] And mostly I was a loner in a crowd of people.
[43] And this is still true, FYI.
[44] One day I headed to a good friend's house across the alley.
[45] We lived in an area.
[46] there was a lot of apartment buildings and a few single family homes.
[47] To get to my friend's apartment, we had to go through the carport.
[48] As I approached the area, I saw a man with long surfer hair sitting in his car.
[49] I had to pass by this car, but something about him made me wary.
[50] As I got closer, he opened up his passenger door from the inside and gestured for me to get in.
[51] As I looked into the car, I could see he wasn't wearing pants and his stick shift was present and alert.
[52] she doesn't mean the car no she does not Jesus I ran back to my house while he was screaming for me to come back and then I told my mom what I saw let's just say my mom was not a kind woman and I was slapped for describing a man's penis and was told to never talk about that again and she blamed me hey 1967 yeah this was back before people understood how humanity worked we talk about it a lot yeah let's see and then moving ahead three more days I was again walking and meet a friend on the other side of the same apartment building.
[53] I mean, her mom was just like, get out of here.
[54] Her mom's like, hmm, my young child just described a naked man in a car.
[55] Screaming at her.
[56] Go back outside.
[57] That was her.
[58] That's her answer.
[59] I avoided the carport and as I made it around the corner, I passed a car parked on the road.
[60] I didn't see the driver.
[61] As I got near the door of the car, he suddenly sat up, opened the door and grabbed my arm and started pulling me into the car.
[62] Fuck.
[63] I screamed, kicked, bit, hit, scratched, and clawed my way away.
[64] from him yes a girl a woman walking on the street heard the commotion and came running that's right and he drove off what if it was like and then she slapped me across the plane another mean mom came from across the street to hit me in the face anyways i'm in a psycho award now because people are the worst uh i didn't tell my mom about the second one because well you know and being four i couldn't be sexy except to a fucking pervert wait wait four years old Yeah.
[65] Wait.
[66] She said six originally.
[67] Wait.
[68] Um, no. She was four.
[69] Fuck.
[70] What?
[71] Can you imagine a four -year -old walking around the street?
[72] We, no. Like, even a four -year -old out of a car seat these days makes people nervous.
[73] Much less just fucking, oh, bye mom.
[74] I'm going to go take the alley to my friend's house.
[75] I'll be back later when I feel like it.
[76] Yeah.
[77] I'm Michael bowling.
[78] I'm four.
[79] I got a little.
[80] my life um two years later he would grab an eight -year -old off the street and take her to his hollywood apartment and here's where it's familiar where he raped and beat her badly and then he would begin his rapy murdery spree until he is finally caught the man rodney alcala oh yes i know it's difficult to believe being that i was four at the time that i'd remember this however it wasn't until the late 90s when i saw a headline with his picture and i screamed because staring out at me from the computer screen was that face from 34 years ago that I finally had a name to put with the face.
[81] I hadn't even read the article to know what he'd done, but I knew he was the guy who tried to grab me twice.
[82] Also, ever since this moment, my hypervigilance is always on high alert.
[83] People think it's funny to come up behind me and startle me. It isn't.
[84] Who?
[85] So that's how you earn the right to grow up and stay sexy, not getting murdered.
[86] Way to go, Deb.
[87] Hell, yes.
[88] Rodney Alcotta, if I'm pronouncing it correctly, Alcala.
[89] Alcala.
[90] Alcala.
[91] He's the one that was on the dating game.
[92] Yeah.
[93] That is the, that's one of my favorite one.
[94] That one comes on of all those crime shows.
[95] I always have to watch that one because, first of all, he's such a creep.
[96] Yeah.
[97] Overtly.
[98] And he was also the photographer, right?
[99] Yeah.
[100] So he'd go to these like open call, like photo shoots at the beach with like women and bikinis.
[101] Who were like, I want to be a model in the photographer.
[102] Like, I'm a photographer because I have a camera.
[103] Yeah.
[104] Come back to my place and I'll take some photos of you.
[105] Sounds great.
[106] Let me grab my four -year -old child.
[107] Oh, my God.
[108] I wonder how many, like, how many murders are can be attributed to him that were never, haven't been.
[109] Right.
[110] I mean, if he's doing shit like that.
[111] And I know he went from, like, California to Florida and, I mean, it's a monster.
[112] He's, he needs to get, we need to go in depth on that guy.
[113] Let's do it.
[114] Let's do it right now.
[115] Let's do right now.
[116] Give me yours.
[117] Okay.
[118] This one is from Elizabeth.
[119] and the subject line is swingers homeschoolers armadillos and murder oh my hometown murder she's doing it i'm really i'm from a really small town in central louisiana that is notoriously shittastic i was homeschooled k through 12 and somehow ended up not being a serial killer and when i was 20 -ish one of the members of our homeschool group died of a gunshot wound the story went that he went outside to shoot an armadillo in his backyard with a fucking rifle and somehow shot himself in the abdomen according to the 911 call sounds fake but okay we were all like suspicious as fuck especially when it turns out he was shot twice in the stomach turns out the police started investigating uh the assistant district attorney because he was having an affair with the dead dude's wife but it got better because it turns out they were part of a swingers group in this super tiny town less than 3 ,000 people and the wife and the assistant d .a got a little too close The local paper released the sexes that were super gross.
[120] Long story short, without any real explanation, the ADA somehow got off without being accused of actual murdered despite a fuck ton of suspicious shit and icky sex messages and the case is still unsolved.
[121] He left behind, or the guy that got murdered, left behind three kids and an armadillo.
[122] That's just one of my fucking hometown murders.
[123] were also home to one of the most controversial death penalty cases because the guy had an IQ below 70.
[124] I'm going to say this to you, Elizabeth.
[125] What I love is you got it.
[126] There was no ass kissing.
[127] It was straight to business.
[128] Here's what happened.
[129] It was almost like she was in a hurry to even send this email.
[130] We don't know what town it is in Louisiana.
[131] I mean, we know it's central.
[132] I just, I love everything about this email.
[133] And she didn't sign it.
[134] There's no signature.
[135] it's just like the end i'm not i'm not spending any more time with you people the amount of time i've like thought over how to end email for real best sounds bitchy but yeah you're not katherine hepburn right but thank you sounds like cloying thank you yeah yeah fuck okay i always write you changed my life it's fun i love that only for business um okay love it so this other one is also from well okay so it's also from the Facebook group but this is another chick that survived and I just like this story a lot yes so this is a girl named Deo and she says I just want to say that hearing Georgia and Karen say over and over again in my head fuck being polite just listen to your intuition and apologize later may have saved my life two weeks ago okay sorry my sister I was talking to my sister as I drove over here and my sister was telling me this story the same one she went on the my sister now likes this podcast which is a miracle and now she's on the facebook page but she's a total um what do you call that she she never participates she just like peeps she's a peeping tom of the facebook page i do that too until it's really late at night and then i start writing i love this in comments it's weird every once while they'll be one that just like gets me and i'll be like i like this um but go ahead sorry it's just that my sister was so excited by this that she had to tell me herself.
[136] That's why I'm rooting, because I am too.
[137] I think we can track your sister's, like, slow acceptance of this podcast through the past 36 episodes.
[138] Yes.
[139] Because it's been like, when someone likes your podcast.
[140] Yeah.
[141] And then it's like, now it's like, I love your podcast.
[142] I know.
[143] She finally had to get, you know what happened is that her best friend, Adrienne and all of our friends, Audrey, everybody started.
[144] And Carol Craft, of course, everybody started listening to it and talking about.
[145] And then she was like, well, I'm not going to get left out.
[146] Yeah.
[147] Yeah.
[148] Good.
[149] Yes.
[150] Get on board.
[151] For once, Laura.
[152] You've had 40 goddamn years.
[153] Yeah.
[154] You know what?
[155] We should make your sister have to do a lip sync too.
[156] What's the song she made?
[157] She used to make you do it.
[158] Pat Benatar?
[159] She can't listen to an episode until she calls us with FaceTime and does a Pat Benetar lip sync to it.
[160] She'd be like, no. I'll never do it.
[161] I'll never do it.
[162] Fine.
[163] Never mind.
[164] Okay.
[165] Might have saved my life two weeks ago.
[166] Yes.
[167] I was getting in my car.
[168] Sorry.
[169] Her name's Dale.
[170] Deo.
[171] But I don't, but that's such a weird name.
[172] I don't want to out her.
[173] Oh, I see.
[174] I don't know.
[175] Whatever.
[176] Okay.
[177] I was getting in my car and had a bad feeling about this guy.
[178] He was walking toward me on the sidewalk, but not at me. I was parked in a back in angle parking.
[179] I threw my bag in the passenger side of the door to get out of his line of fire more quickly and walked around to the front of my car to the driver's side door to avoid getting in getting any closer to him.
[180] I got in the car, immediately locked the door, texted my husband that I was on my way home.
[181] Don't do that, everyone.
[182] Don't text while you're sitting in the car.
[183] What do you mean?
[184] So when you get in your car, you should leave.
[185] Yes, so don't take the time.
[186] Yeah, you can text at a stoplight when you're away from the area.
[187] Pull over down the street and text, but don't fucking sit in your car when you, like someone who's following you, you know, through the car park.
[188] Well, it's, anyways.
[189] But I'm still happy for her.
[190] Yes.
[191] Texted my husband.
[192] I was on my way home and got settled in for the drive.
[193] I pulled forward.
[194] and my front right passenger tire thumped over something violently.
[195] I almost jumped out of the car to see what I drove over and whether or not it popped my tire.
[196] I decided against it because I heard Georgia and Karen's voices in my head.
[197] I was in all caps.
[198] I'm not just screaming it.
[199] And I pulled forward.
[200] I decided to roll my window down and look back at the parking spot instead, but guess what I saw?
[201] The guy I had a bad feeling about was crouching where my passenger door had been.
[202] Oh, my God.
[203] He was turning away from me, covering his face with his hands and started to run.
[204] He had clearly placed something under my tire so I would get out of the car while it was running.
[205] And he could either, A, steal my fucking car or B, hurt me and throw me in my own fucking car to murder me at a creepier location like a goddamn abandoned hospital or C, totally murder me and forgot entirely about the car.
[206] Needless to say, I sped off in tears and made my husband examine the car for a GPS tracker.
[207] I was convinced he'd follow me. Luckily, we didn't find anything.
[208] So these ladies know what's up.
[209] eternally grateful.
[210] Oh my God.
[211] Amazing.
[212] That's the best.
[213] I'm so proud.
[214] Um, way to go.
[215] This is just like the radest podcast.
[216] It influenced people to not get murdered.
[217] What more could we be doing?
[218] What more do you want from us?
[219] It's like a cooking podcast and we told people how to make pie.
[220] It wouldn't like, it wouldn't be like I almost died because I made pie wrong.
[221] But the weird thing is is that was never the intention.
[222] It just stuff that came out of.
[223] these stories that you hear over and over like four -year -olds walking to their goddamn friend's house, which luckily, you know, human evolutionists changed that since 1980 or whenever it happened.
[224] Hey, this is exciting.
[225] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[226] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[227] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[228] Who killed Saz?
[229] And were they really after Charles?
[230] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[231] This season, murder hits close to home.
[232] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[233] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[234] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[235] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[236] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVey, Melissa McCarthy, DeVey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[237] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on who.
[238] Lulu.
[239] Goodbye.
[240] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[241] Absolutely.
[242] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[243] Exactly.
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[246] That's right.
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[248] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[249] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[250] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[251] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[252] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[253] Connect with customers in line and online.
[254] Do retail right with Shopify.
[255] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[256] important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify dot com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify dot com slash murder goodbye all right you ready for this one yeah this is from garrett woman murdered with a banjo hometown murder oh fuck right hello ladies first of all i'd like to say how much i love you guys in your podcast finally you finally the ass kissing i'm always looking for i feel right at home when i hear your voices a few months ago I made a photo of Karen's Bob Burgers and Wine, Bob's Burgers and Wine quote.
[257] And you guys reposted.
[258] Oh, yeah, that was awesome.
[259] That was having a tough day.
[260] And when I saw that notification pop up on my phone, all my troubles just went away.
[261] That's how I feel about Twitter.
[262] That's what I'm constantly staring at my phone.
[263] Instagram for me. That's your drug of choice?
[264] Always.
[265] I just wanted to send in my hometown murder along with my favorite murder that I think you guys would find interesting.
[266] In my hometown, a woman was murdered.
[267] with not one but two banjos.
[268] What?
[269] I'm sorry, I started kind of laughing at that, but that's, it's, if that was in a script, I'd be like, take that out.
[270] Yeah.
[271] That's crazy.
[272] I've never even seen more than one banjo in one place.
[273] Much less.
[274] So this is in West Milton, Ohio in 1991.
[275] Edward Benson, 63, was a banjo player in a bluegrass band.
[276] On the morning of May 22nd, 1991, Benson woke up, made himself a cup of coffee, waited for his wife to get up around 4 .30 a .m. His wife, Katie, woke up.
[277] Jesus, people.
[278] Made herself a cup of coffee and joined her.
[279] This might be too many details.
[280] Sleep in, everyone, for fuck's sake.
[281] No, it's really fun to get up and drink coffee before the sun comes up.
[282] Yeah, I love it.
[283] Every morning during my paper route.
[284] Okay.
[285] So Katie joins her husband at the table.
[286] They're drinking coffee.
[287] Moments later, Edward got up, grabbed a banjo, and decided to beat his wife half to death with it.
[288] The banjo broke.
[289] So he decided.
[290] so he decided to grab a second one and finish the job.
[291] Why is he sticking with that murder weapon?
[292] I don't know.
[293] And also this started so nice.
[294] I thought they were just drinking coffee together.
[295] I thought he was waiting for my wife to get up and then I'll make her breakfast.
[296] I wonder if it's like she was super critical of his banjo playing.
[297] I was looking the same thing.
[298] I'd just lock that racket off.
[299] Da -na -na -na -na -na -near -near -near -near.
[300] Over and over again.
[301] She was in the right.
[302] I lived with a roommate like that.
[303] I got it.
[304] a banjo player no she was just play this she was a bass player and she'd sing and play the same song like practice the same song gigantic i wish it was it was the song of moon shadows and now i fucking want to murder that song moon shuttle by van morrison oh over and over she was a cokehead whatever go on the banjo broke too much the banjo broke so he decided to grab a second one finish the job now i'm thinking that they were they lived in a banjo shop because also who has too besides besides the cast of I just love them eating breakfast and having coffee at 4 .30 the morning and a banjo show.
[305] You got to open that banjo shop at 5 a .m. because people are beaten down the door.
[306] Banjo players are fucking early risers.
[307] Okay.
[308] After he contacted the police, he said his wife was murdered.
[309] Then he waited on the front porch for the sheriff to arrive.
[310] Playing the banjo.
[311] The broken one, like the smash to smithereens one.
[312] He's just like pretending to play this hands are bleeding the officer arrived and he confessed to the whole thing the story made national news we're a very small town with the majority of the population being senior citizens it blows my mind that the only thing we are known for is the banjo murders and the 30 middle schoolers hospitalized for eating ghost peppers at lunch oh no oh my god have so many questions about that one i'm so sorry for the woman who got killed at the banjo yes that's terrible and sad but then this left turn of like middle schoolers ghost peppers are no no no that's insane serious business i'm moving there um yep that was from garret that was awesome that was a great well done that was a great double z's because it was like a really fun murder oh my god that not fun but it was interesting murder and interesting the ending was just out of left feel It was amazing.
[313] Also, it was satisfying in that way that he did it.
[314] Obviously, he just snapped.
[315] Then he admitted it.
[316] Which I think he's great.
[317] Like, no one went down for his banjo murder.
[318] He didn't try to shoot the cops or anything like that.
[319] Yes.
[320] It all, it all kind of went as good as a double banjo murder could go.
[321] But RIP to that sweet woman.
[322] He just wanted a fucking cup of coffee.
[323] God.
[324] And her husband stopped.
[325] A moment of peace.
[326] A moment of silence in the banjo shop.
[327] Um, this has been our Minnesota.
[328] Hope you like shit.
[329] I hope it's going to get you through.
[330] Yeah, good luck with that.
[331] And stay sexy.
[332] And don't get murdered.
[333] Bye.
[334] I don't know where all this is.