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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] My favorite.
[17] And a long jacket.
[18] That's our cake cover.
[19] Got it.
[20] All right, let's get out of here.
[21] Steven, did you get that?
[22] That was beautiful.
[23] We've been recording for eight minutes.
[24] Go to my favorite mirror Instagram to see that video that I'll forget to put up.
[25] Yay.
[26] Yay.
[27] Karen, I'm so impressed.
[28] I don't think I've ever seen you play guitar.
[29] Have you not, oh, except for on stage.
[30] Have I not made you sit in front of me up close while I, do you know that the...
[31] You did.
[32] It's called Largo.
[33] The old one.
[34] Uh -huh.
[35] Girls guitar club.
[36] I, one time on the Walking the Room podcast long ago with Greg Barrett and Dave Anthony, at the end of it, Greg wanted me to play one of my songs.
[37] And they used to record in Greg's upstairs walk -in closet because the acoustics were better.
[38] And Dave was like, I can't be in here with this and had to get up and leave.
[39] It was too loud?
[40] No, no, it was like too uncomfortable to have to sit next to a person who was going to sing a song.
[41] Oh.
[42] Isn't that hilarious?
[43] Is it weird singing that close to people?
[44] It is, and I think it's that it's like, it's vulnerable.
[45] and it makes you feel probably pity for the person that's doing it or like some kind of emotional thing.
[46] I get that, but only when they're bad.
[47] Like when they're good, I'm like in awe.
[48] But if you had to, like you just had to do with me, that would feel bad.
[49] But see, you made an artistic choice.
[50] That's bold.
[51] Yeah.
[52] Thank you.
[53] I liked it.
[54] How about today you have to sing all the hometown murders?
[55] Good idea.
[56] The other day I was really angry about my mom.
[57] Let me just go ahead.
[58] Just go and put it out there.
[59] And I'm learning how to have anger as an emotion.
[60] And so I went into my car and I turned the radio on blasting it because I wanted to scream.
[61] Yep.
[62] And the song, like, okay, I was mad at my mom.
[63] She's just always busy me off.
[64] And the song that came on was a Green Day song when I was 13.
[65] Yes.
[66] It was the one where he's, like, that's spun out in my, can you play that?
[67] And I just started.
[68] And it was just like I was a kid again.
[69] I can't play it.
[70] I only know these three chords Is it My eyes feel like they're good That's not it That's not right Me singing I mean That one On my own I'm a loser And a dooze And now a kiss That's not the right cards But that's a different one All right let's start over No one wants to hear me sing Anyways It was very cathartic As a Which I had done that when I was 13 Wait can you just sing a just a snippet.
[71] I'll stop playing this.
[72] Well, now I have the other song in my head.
[73] The song goes Bucked up and spun out in my room.
[74] On my own, here we go.
[75] It's very frustrating to be able to play a tiny bit of guitar because I know how it would go if I knew what my fingers should go.
[76] My eyes feel like they're going to bleed I'm on the corner of my tongue da da da da da my Trim thing numb No No yeah, you're there Okay I just can't play along Unless you tell me what capo it's on And it's in C, D or G It's on Capo Nope, can't think of a pun Capo Capo Cope's cream Capo fear Capo This is my favorite guitar chord Hi, my favorite guitar chord is D. It's just so easy.
[77] My favorite guitar chord is drums.
[78] Let's talk about your drumming career for a little bit.
[79] I wouldn't call it a career.
[80] I'm getting a drum kit, and we're going to turn this podcast into a band.
[81] I love it.
[82] Traveling band.
[83] It's going to be so good.
[84] We'll open for ourselves.
[85] How are we going to do dance routines when we're also the band?
[86] Well, it's going to be like, I'm going to get a drum kit that's like a keytar.
[87] So I'm going to put it on my body and I'll be able to move and drum at the same time.
[88] So we'll dance and play like Prince and his revolution.
[89] Like I just told you, I have tap shoes, so I'm going to put those on, so I'll be able to...
[90] Such a good idea.
[91] Tap and drum.
[92] Tap, tap, drum machine, but wearing it, like a keytar.
[93] I'll be over doing kind of a country, western thing because it's pretty much all I can manage.
[94] This is it.
[95] This is the next...
[96] Next steps.
[97] We're fucking hitmakers.
[98] Moneymakers.
[99] Welcome to my favorite murder.
[100] The show that tells you that how it is how it is how it isn't how it should be did you already do an intro no okay i couldn't remember all right well i need background music to our hometowns like can you do like a creepy sure um this is going to be like an mpr like professional podcasts where they have like background music that makes you have feelings we did um stephen did put some music behind our ads for the last episode yes like people were responding that we wanted people to know because we talked just as much shit in ads as we do in the podcast.
[101] We wanted people to not feel tricked.
[102] Yes.
[103] So we have, so thank you, Stephen.
[104] For putting music to the back.
[105] I only wish that it was my music, but.
[106] Why wasn't it?
[107] You don't have time?
[108] The sponsors didn't, you know, they didn't, they didn't contact me directly, so.
[109] Oh, fucking bitch is getting paid.
[110] It's their, it's their music.
[111] Oh, really?
[112] Is that what he's saying?
[113] No, Stephen is like, I'm not doing it if you're not fucking paying me. Stephen is, still waters run deep with old Stephen.
[114] You know he's like, pretty soon we're going to find out that he used to be in high finance and he had to quit all of that to come and do podcasting.
[115] Listen, there was a small issue with the IRS.
[116] He was barred from the thing.
[117] He had to sell two yachts and move to California.
[118] Poor guy.
[119] I've worked really hard for this.
[120] You've really grown a lot since your days on Wall Street.
[121] A movie Wall Street's about him But he was a baby at the time They didn't tell you that during the That's the only difference All right This is called This is called the Swiss Cheese Pervert Lighthearted hometown So maybe a little bouncy Hi Karen, Georgia Stephen and Elvis and Mimi My name is Amanda And I live right outside of Cherry Hill The New Jersey one I have I hate, I have so much hate for mistakes.
[122] No. No, I say no to that.
[123] Nope.
[124] No. In early 2014, I was a college student in Philadelphia when a man dubbed the Swiss cheese pervert began cruising the streets of Philly.
[125] Oh, no. In search of a woman to engage in sex acts with him and a slice of Swiss cheese.
[126] Sorry, what?
[127] He exposed both the slice of Swiss and his genitals to four different women, all of whom declined.
[128] Shocking, I know.
[129] Hold on.
[130] Yeah, let's question this.
[131] He's pulling out his dick.
[132] That's a classic move of a pervert.
[133] Was that me?
[134] That was me. Okay.
[135] Because I didn't feel it, so that would have been upsetting.
[136] He pulls out his dick, but then he also pulls out a slice of Swiss cheese and shows it as well.
[137] I think he's like, eh, huh, eh?
[138] And like, he's hoping some women is like, oh my God, that's my exact fetish shoe.
[139] And I've always wanted to do that, but nobody's ever, like, count, you.
[140] You know, we're salamates.
[141] So this was before the internet.
[142] No, 2014.
[143] Oh, fuck.
[144] Dude.
[145] I mean, I hate to fucking be gross about this, but is the holes in Swiss cheese?
[146] Is that what we're talking about?
[147] Oh, my God.
[148] Did he have the Swiss cheese on his penis?
[149] Eh?
[150] And she's like, this.
[151] He's like, do you like deli?
[152] Okay.
[153] Are we talking thin sliced?
[154] What are we talking here?
[155] Was it a triangle of Havarty?
[156] Was it Yarlesburger?
[157] Like, are we really going to Swiss town?
[158] Are we going to go all the way to Switzerland?
[159] Are you going to pay the premium price of Swiss?
[160] Or is this some safeway select piece of shit?
[161] Thank God Vince Haste Swiss cheese.
[162] Dda -da -da -declined.
[163] However, two of the women were able to capture photos of him, not in a like, oh, my God.
[164] And I'm like, oh, my God.
[165] Yes.
[166] I'm sure cheese slices and all.
[167] Wait, can I, while you read this, look it up?
[168] Yes.
[169] The Philadelphia police shared the images.
[170] Oh, my God, Karen, now.
[171] And naturally the pun started rolling in.
[172] Leave the purve alone.
[173] Oh, leave the provolone.
[174] Leave the perv alone.
[175] Oh, wow.
[176] Thank you, honey.
[177] I love this.
[178] What a Munster.
[179] Nice.
[180] That's my favorite one so far.
[181] Jesus Christ.
[182] Classic.
[183] And he probably saw this and blew his brains out.
[184] B .L .U. Flew.
[185] That's a whole different school of cheese, though, from Swiss.
[186] I'm just saying we're not close.
[187] Thematically.
[188] What about, um, let's see, what do we got here?
[189] Gouda, Gouda, that's a Gouda looking.
[190] Your dick looks pretty Gouda from here.
[191] Something like that.
[192] There she is.
[193] Um, can you, can I see that?
[194] Can you see it?
[195] Ouch.
[196] He's sitting in a car.
[197] It's so good.
[198] He's sitting in a car.
[199] He's sitting in a car with a shirt on, but his pants off.
[200] He's dangling the cheese over his dock.
[201] this is a very specific thing that happened to him that makes him do this today.
[202] I mean, he's not even creative enough to put his dictor the hole.
[203] No, he's just holding the cheese like it's his paperwork that says it's okay for him to show you his dick.
[204] It's almost like he's like, okay, come meet this piece of cheese.
[205] I'm going to trick you.
[206] And the women are like, I'm going to eat the piece of cheese.
[207] Oh, no, your dick is there.
[208] Yeah, like you're a Labrador retriever where you're like, oh, I love cheese.
[209] Uh -oh.
[210] There's a pill in this.
[211] And it's called your dick.
[212] It's called Yiddick.
[213] Yiddick.
[214] The man was identified.
[215] and pled guilty to indecent exposure.
[216] He had arrest from 2006 and nine for similar cheese -related harassment.
[217] No. Several women came forward.
[218] I should have read this last.
[219] Several women came forward.
[220] I get why Stephen wrote lighthearted because he's like, read this last so you're not all depressed.
[221] Oh, yeah.
[222] As was our absolute demand last week.
[223] Then, Stephen, you shouldn't have put it on top.
[224] I'm just saying.
[225] I'm sorry.
[226] I'll read it again at the end.
[227] Contact him.
[228] Okay, several women came forward that had contact with him on dating websites where he would message them similar propositions, sometimes going to detail about the various types of cheese he has masturbated with and his conclusion that Swiss was the best because of the texture and the holes.
[229] Can we please get to the holes?
[230] Hopefully the Swiss cheese purve either learned his lesson or found a lady friend who loves Swiss as much as he does.
[231] Neither of those things happen.
[232] Guarantee.
[233] Yep.
[234] Stay safe out there, friends.
[235] And remember that cheese is the adult version of candy.
[236] Don't accept any from strangers, especially if they have their junk out.
[237] Love Amanda.
[238] P .S. Your show in Glenside was amazing.
[239] I'm still laughing about the 911 cow.
[240] Oh, yeah.
[241] Oh, yeah.
[242] Someone already made a drawing of the 911 cow.
[243] The Amish 911 cow.
[244] Well, I eventually put Glensight out because that was, I think, one of our favorite live shows.
[245] Oh, my God, the Swiss Cheese Pervert is now in my, I'd say, in my top three.
[246] Yeah.
[247] I love knowing that that exists.
[248] I love seeing a picture of Amanda.
[249] sitting in his car Here's the indignity of it all Which I feel like people maybe not They don't think through of What would this picture look like?
[250] What does this look like to the person I'm presenting it too?
[251] This is the digital age Yeah And so you need to be At least throw some duck lips out there If you're going to do all the rest of it But it's just also that slice of Swiss cheese was huge It was huge It was really large Yeah Couldn't say the same for the His dick except I wouldn't know Because there was a giant star over it Thank God.
[252] It was like a world star star right over that penis.
[253] I guess you don't want to think about dick and cheese in the same thing.
[254] Dick and cheese.
[255] Anyway, it's unpleasant for sure.
[256] Also, he has kind of a gut, which almost says like maybe I should get off dairy.
[257] Right.
[258] You know, maybe there's something going on.
[259] Maybe he's lactose intolerant.
[260] What if he's just like helpless to it?
[261] He's just like, these are the things I have to have.
[262] I mean, I get it.
[263] I'm obsessed with cheese.
[264] I love cheese.
[265] I get it.
[266] You know how I am around a cheese plate.
[267] You're kind of a Swiss, I mean, a cheese pervert yourself.
[268] I am a cheese pervert.
[269] So when my Aller just recently told me I had a lay off it, I almost punched him in the face.
[270] But then he was like, okay, only cow milk.
[271] Like he gave me. He knew I couldn't do it.
[272] Oh, well, I love goat cheese.
[273] That's not the worst news in the world.
[274] Goat's cheese.
[275] What else is there?
[276] Buffalo cheese.
[277] Velvita.
[278] That's not cheese.
[279] You're right.
[280] You can go right to that.
[281] That's fair.
[282] With a dairy restriction.
[283] Okay, sorry, I should have picked these up.
[284] If it says lighthearted, don't put it on the top.
[285] Don't read it yet.
[286] Okay, got it.
[287] None of mine say that.
[288] Oh, good.
[289] Maybe I'm supposed to interpret it, though.
[290] Okay, let's go to a real fucking grisly one.
[291] Okay.
[292] Now that we've got that.
[293] I see what Stephen's doing.
[294] Okay, Stephen, all right.
[295] Let's see what you're up to.
[296] Bly.
[297] Take back my last, Stephen.
[298] Take it back.
[299] Oh, how about murderer wins the lottery?
[300] Yep.
[301] Plus, he's out on good behavior.
[302] Oh, perfect.
[303] Okay.
[304] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, Mimi, and Elvis.
[305] My co -worker, sorry.
[306] My co -worker just told me the best story.
[307] To set the stage, I work with the sweetest, most unassuming girl in the world.
[308] She's from North Carolina, so she has a lovely, patient, polite demeanor about her.
[309] Oh.
[310] In contrast, I swear all the time and talk about your podcast way more than it is appropriate in a corporate environment.
[311] Yay!
[312] We love you guys.
[313] The idea of that is my favorite thing.
[314] of all time.
[315] People are like, all right, let's circle up for an alley rally.
[316] And they're like, before we get into Flair, I just need to tell you this one thing I heard about a person getting their throats lit.
[317] Okay.
[318] Yesterday she turns around in her seat and tells me this doozy of a story completely out of the blue.
[319] Sweet co -worker has some family in New Jersey.
[320] Apparently, one of Sweet Co -worker's cousins up there started dating a man who killed his girlfriend 10 years ago.
[321] It's a small town, so everyone knows him as that guy that kid.
[322] old his girlfriend.
[323] Fuck.
[324] The story goes that he and his girlfriend were fighting.
[325] He punched her, which caused her to pass out, and conveniently fall into the bathtub.
[326] They always, the punching and she hit her head.
[327] Yeah.
[328] Doesn't, isn't a, let's try it right now.
[329] To me, it feels like the most reduced.
[330] It's like you're still alive, they're dead, so you can control the narrative.
[331] And how do you reduce it as much as possible without outright lying?
[332] Yep.
[333] So it's like, well, this crazy accident where it's like, how about just a general rule, nobody punch anybody in a bathroom since you can hit your head so easily.
[334] How about don't punch people, especially your girlfriend, in the face to begin with?
[335] Yeah.
[336] Just like, yeah, how about you work on some anyway?
[337] Okay.
[338] He punched her and she passed out.
[339] Incorrect.
[340] And conveniently fell into a bathtub full of water where she drowned.
[341] Yeah, fucking right.
[342] That was all periods.
[343] Yeah, fucking right.
[344] He then goes to the local bar and has a drink while his now accidentally girlfriend, dead girlfriend, floats in the tub.
[345] Ugh.
[346] That's fucking dark.
[347] This guy goes to jail for 10 years, but he has such good behavior that they move him into a juvenile facility.
[348] What?
[349] Sorry, what's this?
[350] They want it.
[351] That's a new one.
[352] Yeah, that's great behavior.
[353] Almost juvenile behavior?
[354] It's almost as if he never killed his girlfriend.
[355] He's so well behaved.
[356] It's almost like he just accidentally punched her in a very volatile bathroom scenario.
[357] They wanted to show young delinquents How a good, responsible murder behaves himself in lockup Apparently he used to deliver lectures To the kids on how to be better prisoners Awesome Let's just teach more psychopaths How to game the system And reenter society Oh girl called it So this guy gets out early And he starts dating sweet co -worker's cousin Who sweet co -worker says Has a history of dating abusive guys Sad face Sad face with punctuation He is welcomed into the family And he proceeds to win the freaking lottery No 3 .8 million dollars No no no no no no I'm sorry I'm sorry God back that shit up You're not supposed to do Because sometimes life is just that shitty So let this be a lesson to all of the Youngens listening to your podcast If you kill your girlfriend but are polite And well spoken you will be rewarded with fucking millions of dollars I tried to look up this guy's name on my phone because I didn't feel comfortable Googling New Jersey murder or lottery win on a work computer but I couldn't find him maybe Stephen can find him for us Stephen in all caps Anyway Well he had the money to change his fucking name Four times Oh yeah Plastic surgery to fix that Well now he can run for a Republican congressman If you'd like to He's all set Ooh getting political And then an email Actually I don't I don't think we hear from those people anymore the people that, like, four months ago were like, there were people that would tweet at me and be like, Karen, you should really be careful.
[358] Right.
[359] Sorry about what?
[360] I think all the Trump listeners, unless they're, or the Trump listeners.
[361] Yeah, the Trump listeners, unless this is their first episode, have fucking cease and desisted listening to this podcast already.
[362] They must have.
[363] Yeah.
[364] I mean.
[365] Or became not Trump supporters anymore.
[366] Yeah, what if we convinced?
[367] What if there's like a baby boomer in North Carolina that was like, you know what?
[368] I see now I see the error of my ways No one's ever going to do that ever again Anyway, this is so long so I'll stop rambling But I just couldn't let that story go without passing it on The real joke is that sweet co -worker and I live in Florida now Our state motto is practically crazy unprecedented shit happens here on the reg And yet the lot of winning girlfriend drowner lives in New Jersey Anyway, thanks for the hours of entertainment Give Elvis a cookie for me Convince me to make an on -mic appearance And most of all stay sexy and don't get murdered Kate Cute Kate Thank you.
[369] That's really amazing.
[370] Yeah.
[371] All right.
[372] Let's see.
[373] Hey, this is exciting.
[374] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[375] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[376] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[377] Who killed Saz?
[378] And were they really after Charles?
[379] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[380] This season, murder hits close to home.
[381] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[382] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[383] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[384] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[385] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[386] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[387] Goodbye.
[388] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[389] Absolutely.
[390] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[391] Exactly.
[392] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[393] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[394] That's right.
[395] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[396] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[397] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -person.
[398] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[399] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[400] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[401] Connect with customers in line and online.
[402] Do retail right with Shopify.
[403] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[404] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[405] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level.
[406] today.
[407] That's shopify .com slash murder.
[408] Goodbye.
[409] Do you want Dr. Suicide and Murder in the hotel I'm getting married in?
[410] Kind of, but.
[411] A not so normal family massacre.
[412] That's a sure one, so we might be able to add that one in.
[413] Okay.
[414] My creepy -ass hometown murder.
[415] Let me see here.
[416] Found her in her apartment badly beaten is one line from that.
[417] Well, just call one.
[418] Okay.
[419] I'm going to do Dr. wife, suicide, and murder in the hotel I'm getting married in because that sounds romantic.
[420] Yeah, that's fun.
[421] Yes, we will go to that wedding.
[422] My name is Catherine, and I love the podcast.
[423] I was suggested to listen to y 'all by one of my students.
[424] Don't worry, she's cool and a high school student.
[425] Oh, my God.
[426] Buck, yeah.
[427] Because she knows I like to talk about true crime and murder podcasts.
[428] Why did I never have a teacher like that?
[429] You may have, and you just didn't know.
[430] Fair.
[431] There was also no podcasts in the 90s.
[432] True.
[433] She would have been a time traveler.
[434] I've been sitting on sending this because this in because my hometown that I grew up in did not have any murders until after I moved away drug deal gone wrong.
[435] I went to high school with a convicted murderer, but that's all I know.
[436] But I have been living in Beaumont, Texas for some time now, and my fiance told me of a doctor -wife suicide in the hotel we're getting married in.
[437] Love it.
[438] He told me after we booked the hotel that in the 90s, a doctor checked into the hotel and committed suicide because he recently got diagnosed with cancer and did not want to go through the chemo.
[439] He did not leave.
[440] a note and his wife was obviously distraught.
[441] During his autopsy, the coroner did find the cancer and told the wife about it.
[442] So two weeks after the doctor has been dead, she checks into the same hotel in the same room.
[443] He was in and she commits suicide.
[444] This is not how I thought it would go.
[445] My fiancé said that was a pretty big deal because not much happens in Beaumont and he remembers it vividly and I confirmed it with his siblings that it really happened.
[446] I still didn't believe him and so i googled it and found a recent murder in the fucking hotel oh the last guy that was murdered at this hotel got shot through the bat oh dear got shot through the ball sack i remember this one and died from internal damage and bleeding the coroner had to examine his nuts to find the entry point of the bullet i wish that this i was making this shit up apparently the poor guy was in a hotel for work and the people next to him got super drunk and started playing with a gun.
[447] The gun goes off and a stray bullet makes its way through the wall and kills him.
[448] Vanity Fair, I remember this, ran an article about this event along with true crime in 2020.
[449] The guy that got shot was convicted of, the guy that shot the gun was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 10 years in jail.
[450] This was in 2013.
[451] I just hope like hell I'm not staying in either of the rooms that these events happened in.
[452] Okay, here's more information about this.
[453] The guy died and they thought they didn't know what it was from.
[454] It was like a coronary thing.
[455] He's standing in the exact place walking from his bathroom to his bed right when the gun, the bullet goes into that location.
[456] Like, what are the fucking chances?
[457] Or he's in bed, I don't remember.
[458] Right.
[459] But it was until years later that they realized that there had been a bullet because they didn't even know it was there.
[460] Whoa.
[461] And then they see in the wall, they tried to patch up the gun, the bullet by like a hole by stuffing some toilet paper in it and then they found it.
[462] Oh, so the people staying in that room.
[463] kind of got away with it for a while i think they heard yeah and i think they heard him dying through the wall no yeah that's horrifying i know but sorry wouldn't if his if the bullet went into his groin wouldn't there have been blood like why didn't they i don't know i could be very wrong about a lot of this stuff oh i mean i just i'm only asking like i'm need to look it up because that's amazing and you know crazy shit like that happens i mean that's chances yeah that's you'll rock Thank you for the great podcast.
[464] Stay sexy, don't get murder.
[465] No name.
[466] Also, I would look, that person who, you who are getting married in this hotel when you are getting ready to get married, it is such a stressful time.
[467] I would stop looking up murders in the place where you're about to get married and try to fucking have some fun because it's bad enough.
[468] And also boo on that fucking future husband for being like, oh yeah, a couple were so in love with each other that they killed themselves in the same room.
[469] The woman was so in love with her husband The place you're getting married Well, I agree with that though You're mad about that?
[470] I'm mad at him telling her that Wait, the person who wrote the email's fiance Told her that Oh, oh, oh, like he should just kept it from her entirely Yeah Secrets, that's good marriages Yeah, you're exactly right Being able to keep a nice secret Except for I do think that that's It's very dark But it also is that thing of like think of it's just a lovely I don't know I think it's kind of lovely of just like I don't want to live without him I get that I know could you imagine not me my dad was friends with this lovely couple she got in a bad car wreck and died and when he found out he had a heart attack and died is that the most beautiful thing you ever heard I heard that like ten years ago and I just don't never stop thinking about it it's I mean it kind of is as someone with bad anxiety and thinks about horrible things all the time, I've thought that if Vince ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.
[471] Really?
[472] So, well, you better fucking not.
[473] I know, what am I going to do?
[474] You, uh, what?
[475] We're going to do this podcast every day.
[476] Let's start making up a contingency plan now.
[477] Okay.
[478] For terrible things that are going to happen to us in the future.
[479] Oh, that's what life is.
[480] Sorry, I just burdened you with that.
[481] You're like really stressed out now.
[482] Well, just you need to keep Vince alive.
[483] Now I'm going to text you four times a day.
[484] Hey, so how's Vince?
[485] What's going on?
[486] on.
[487] Colvince constantly.
[488] Are you done?
[489] And now I'm going to be the one.
[490] When we were on tour this past time, I love Vince Averill so much.
[491] And he's just the best person.
[492] But every time we ate, he would very subtly suggest I eat vegetables.
[493] And it was making me laugh so hard.
[494] Both of us, which is like such a, these are your children.
[495] Yep.
[496] He would be like, me, wouldn't hurt us out a little broccoli on the table.
[497] And for me, it's like, what?
[498] I thought we were just doing grilled cheese sandwiches for 40.
[499] day straight.
[500] That's garnish.
[501] Yeah.
[502] That plate of broccoli that you ordered Vince was garnish.
[503] Oh, you want us to have some?
[504] Let's have a little broccoli.
[505] Like, I don't remember the last person that gave enough of a shit about me to tell me to please eat a vegetable.
[506] God bless his soul.
[507] He's such a dad.
[508] I love it.
[509] He's the greatest.
[510] Okay.
[511] Do you want to hear my serial murderer high school friend or murdering, a very standard murder in my hometown?
[512] I don't know, because I always wonder sometimes if the ones that are really standard are like sometimes bad.
[513] I mean...
[514] Let's do the first one.
[515] Okay.
[516] My serial murder high school friend.
[517] High Karen, Georgia, in 1977, I attended a small high school in the Santa Cruz Mountains in California.
[518] That's where I went to camp.
[519] Oh.
[520] One of my classmates, Mark Cunningham, would join the rest of us smokers when we gathered in between classes.
[521] I like that if it's 1977 and the Santa Cruz Mountains, they mean weed.
[522] I'm almost positive.
[523] And they also had a smoking area.
[524] Yes, as all high schools used to.
[525] Did yours?
[526] No, you went to Catholic.
[527] Yeah, we named, they didn't allow smoking when I went to.
[528] The Bad Kids High School for like a semester, because I thought it would be cool.
[529] And this is like 96 and there was still a smoking section.
[530] Wow.
[531] Because they were like, you guys are fucking going to just ditch school if we don't give you a smoking section.
[532] Yeah.
[533] And then I was like, these people are stupid.
[534] I'm going back to regular school.
[535] No offense.
[536] Vince had one of my favorite tweets ever, which was every high school had a smoking tree.
[537] That's so good.
[538] Okay.
[539] Anyhow, he was a bit of a loner and I had a couple classes with him and was friendly with him.
[540] In 1983, he was hitchhiking and was picked up by college student Mark Farrell, who then robbed, who he then robbed and shot multiple times and torched in his vehicle.
[541] In June that same year, he was driving with his girlfriend on Highway 1 along the coast when he torched, when he pulled over and told her, wait here, I'm going to get us some money.
[542] She heard.
[543] five or six shots.
[544] Mark returned with a wallet containing $150.
[545] The bodies of Hanli and Chen Ying were later found on a beach trail both shot dead.
[546] Cunningham was arrested after his girlfriend gave a tip to the police.
[547] Test showed that the bullets that killed Farrell came from the same gun as the Li Ying murders.
[548] In 1988, he was sentenced to life in prison without parole.
[549] Thanks and don't get murdered, Stephanie.
[550] Oh, that's just cold blood.
[551] I know.
[552] Especially for high school students.
[553] it.
[554] Yeah.
[555] Well, it was 83, so it could have been like four years after high school, where everybody was still insanely young.
[556] For 150 bucks, like, they would have handed it over, you know?
[557] Yeah, what?
[558] You don't have to kill people.
[559] Did you see the video that someone posted anything on our Twitter of there's a woman who's getting carjacked in a parking lot?
[560] Yes.
[561] And she jumps on the hood of the car and tries to cover the windshield up with her body so that they can't drive away.
[562] And yet they shock Like, car thieves don't care.
[563] They're going to throw you off.
[564] They're not like, I guess I can't steal us.
[565] And I want to scream at her.
[566] Yes.
[567] That was not, like, all police would tell her, like, that is absolutely the opposite of what you're supposed to do.
[568] But you know what it made me think of?
[569] Maybe you're kids in the car.
[570] It could have been that.
[571] She seemed young to me. What I thought was, this is a girl.
[572] This is probably, like, the daughter of a single mother.
[573] Like, she had to earn the money to buy that fucking car and she's not letting anybody take it.
[574] Doesn't have insurance.
[575] And it's probably in, like, a town that's just like, you got a she's been having to fight for herself since she was a kid that's what it looked like to me crappy as fuck she was crap it was this SUV and she was small and she dove onto the hood and it's like part of me is like go girl and the other's like you got away with your life don't fucking push it well and also if you haven't yeah you're right about the insurance thing because if you have insurance they can go do anything they want and you'll yeah it's your car got stolen yeah but it almost felt like that thing of like no go fuck yourself if you don't just get to take my shit yeah which I do love little bit.
[576] I know.
[577] But it's dangerous.
[578] I'm conflicted.
[579] If it worked, great, but please don't try that.
[580] Well, it makes me, you know, that just reminded me of in San Francisco one time, my aunt Jean, who at the time was probably in our late 60s, early 70s, and my cousin, Cheryl, were outside of Davy's Symphony Hall, and someone ran up and tried to steal my Aunt Jean's purse, and she fucking wouldn't let it go and was yanking back.
[581] And Cheryl was going, Mom, drop the person.
[582] Telling her to drop it, and she wouldn't do it.
[583] And the person finally ran away.
[584] Like, she was just yanking back and forth and screaming at the guy, like, no, no, no, and, like, just fighting the guy in front of, like, on the street.
[585] I feel like that's what older women would do.
[586] Young women are like, here's my first, but, like, kind of, like, saucy older women who have been through shit and, like, their purses, their fucking, like, safety blanket, like everything they have in there.
[587] Yes.
[588] They would kick them in the balls.
[589] And also, or just, like, they've dealt with thugs before.
[590] It's all of smokescreen of just, like, they're trying to scare you.
[591] It's, like, a 13 -year -old kid, and you know he's just, like, trying to be about.
[592] Madass.
[593] But also give him your purse.
[594] You don't, it's not worth it.
[595] Here's what you do.
[596] You throw the person the opposite.
[597] Allie did this.
[598] You fucking kitchen knife, hold up.
[599] Throw the person opposite.
[600] That person had a kitchen knife on her?
[601] A big old chef's knife.
[602] Holy shit.
[603] At her from him.
[604] Yeah.
[605] She took it, threw it like a fucking football in the opposite direction she was standing and took off the other way.
[606] So brilliant.
[607] I know.
[608] Well done, Allie Ward.
[609] Yeah.
[610] Yeah, that's crazy.
[611] scary awful oh my turn oh yeah just like talking to me hoping I'll pick up the I'm like racking my brain of like when have I ever been held up I know my mom got held up on first date with the dude what gunpoint not by him no uh god do it like kind of bonded them yeah he was a piece of shit and I don't I think if it hadn't happen they wouldn't have bonded yeah sometimes like going just accidentally going through a bad experience together actually does kind of seal things up a little bit.
[612] Yeah.
[613] Phil, we fucking sabotaged your relationship.
[614] Sorry.
[615] No one's fucking making me move to Arizona.
[616] Fuck no. All right.
[617] Sorry, Arizona.
[618] We didn't mean it like that.
[619] Green Day.
[620] We didn't mean like that, but I didn't want.
[621] Irvine was so great.
[622] Irvine.
[623] Of course she doesn't want to leave it.
[624] Shit, we have to go to Arizona now, don't we?
[625] Fuck.
[626] God, I need to keep my fucking mouth shut.
[627] It's going to be so hot.
[628] Exactly.
[629] Okay.
[630] A not -so -normal family massacre?
[631] Yes.
[632] Okay.
[633] May 27, 1997 in Bismarck, North Dakota.
[634] Yes, people actually do live here.
[635] Ha ha.
[636] I was six at the time, literally a mile away from my house.
[637] Michelle Nabar, nope, Michael Nabar, a 15 -year -old boy murdered his whole family.
[638] His father, Ron Nabauer, Nebauer, was his mother, Maureen, sister, Michelle.
[639] Michelle, so you have Michael and Michelle, Jesus, 16, and Brother Ryan, 13, who was found shot in the head as he cowered in the corner of his bedroom.
[640] This all happened because his parents wouldn't allow him to elope with his then -girlfriend, Jackie Heeb.
[641] She tried to flee to a different state, made it all the way to, he tried to flee to a different state, made it all the way to Florida, but was caught and sent to jail.
[642] After his trial, they sentenced him to life in prison with the possibility of parole.
[643] Also, by the way, the prison he was sent to for most of his time is not even for.
[644] five miles away from our homes i could walk there if i wanted plus for some reason god or whatever you believe in only knows his girlfriend visited him three times a week for years in prison so maybe they should have gotten married even the los angeles times wrote an article on their love she claimed that she only wanted to be friends but we knew that was we knew what you were doing girl that's dedication people she like kind of like a romeo and juliet but with a family mass murder instead he in two thousand and four tried to escape, didn't make it, of course.
[645] So then he went and sent to prison in Texas.
[646] At least he tried.
[647] Now 28.
[648] He has about 13 years left until parole.
[649] Scary thing that he might get out one day.
[650] While being that close to something so terrible, thanks for being true to yourself, ladies, stay sexy, Haley.
[651] That's so heavy.
[652] It really, I mean, like not just your dad.
[653] It's just like five.
[654] Not that that's okay, but like your fucking siblings.
[655] your mom, your dad, all because you have a, you're in love when you're a teenager.
[656] But that's not it.
[657] I mean, that's obviously not it.
[658] But it's just weird to me that when things like that happen, then it's like, but now let's do a peat, let's do a puff piece on the fact that they're making it work where it's like, who knows mental illnesses.
[659] Well, and whatever that guy's doing, obviously, one of the possibilities is it could just be straight up true fucking love but it seems to me more likely that it's there's some other thing going on and he's controlling her i mean not it maybe not the greatest person maybe she feels so guilty because it was over her so she doesn't ever feel like she can make it so it wasn't worth it that's very true she can't just walk away yeah if they see that it was true then then she's not as if i mean she must be going on through some shit.
[660] That's horrifying because as a person has commitment issues anyway, the idea where you're just kind of like, oh, I have this new boyfriend or whatever, then it's like, he killed his family for me?
[661] Bad enough if they get a, like, a weekend in Big Bear, we were like, oh, I don't know if I want to do that.
[662] But it's like, that just takes it 10 ,000 steps beyond.
[663] Imagine how her parents felt.
[664] Oh, it's, I mean, that's just, and felt me for significant.
[665] years afterwards that she kept, don't ever have kids.
[666] Here's our fucking advice to you.
[667] Don't have teenagers.
[668] It always comes back around to don't have kids.
[669] Put them away for their teenage years.
[670] Yes.
[671] Get them, bring them back out.
[672] That's very good for teenagers, locking them away.
[673] You read the Flowers in the Attic series.
[674] You know how fucking hot that can be.
[675] Everything turned out fine, right?
[676] I mean, there was a lot of active, ancestral romance that took place.
[677] Yeah, romance.
[678] Should I do murder?
[679] Are we done?
[680] Murder in my hometown?
[681] Did you do two?
[682] Yeah.
[683] Do it.
[684] Okay.
[685] Throw it on top.
[686] I mean, why not?
[687] Let's do this one as an hour and a half.
[688] Yeah, that's right.
[689] It's a minisode, motherfuckers.
[690] We decide.
[691] Murder in my hometown.
[692] Hi.
[693] So I've recently started to listen to your podcast.
[694] And in the first episode, you ask us to email you about murders that happened in our hometown.
[695] Yeah, we know.
[696] You have to fucking explain it.
[697] We remember.
[698] No, we don't remember first episode.
[699] It almost says like this person.
[700] It's basically like, you asked me to do this.
[701] I wouldn't be doing this.
[702] Or maybe she's like, I'm only in episode one, so if you screamed at us not to do this in episode four, I'm so sorry, I'm not there yet.
[703] That's right.
[704] If this whole thing changed and now you guys are like born -again Christians.
[705] And sending hate mail to people who send out murders?
[706] Yeah.
[707] This is disgusting.
[708] Yeah.
[709] Okay.
[710] This one happened just after I started high school.
[711] When I was in primary school, yay Canadian education system, I used to play with some boy one class a week.
[712] We are paired with kindergarten kids once a week.
[713] to play and mentor them.
[714] We had them in my school, too.
[715] They were called Peak Pals.
[716] Aw.
[717] At St. Vincent's Grammar School.
[718] Super sweet boy, a bit turbulent, but very nice and joyful kid.
[719] Let's call him Sam.
[720] Because I don't remember his name.
[721] So first year of high school, I was volunteering at a yard sale to raise money for Optimist International.
[722] Oh, what's that?
[723] After lunch, a group of ladies were gossiping in the kitchen.
[724] And from the exclamations, it was either something juicy and or terrible.
[725] So they told me that Sam's dad had killed his mother with a fun.
[726] firearm and then shot himself in the head because she wanted to get a divorce.
[727] The kids were raised by their grandparents whom they were with when the murder happened.
[728] And I've never really heard about or seen them again.
[729] My hometown of St. George's DeCacona only has about a thousand residents and it's quite quiet.
[730] So it was really the only drama I've ever heard about this place.
[731] That and a dude setting cars on fire for fun in the nearby city.
[732] Sounds fun.
[733] Mary Gale.
[734] It just ends.
[735] She's like, look, that's all I have for you.
[736] Goodbye.
[737] I'm sorry.
[738] I don't.
[739] I don't know on episode one.
[740] I don't know how weird this gets.
[741] I don't even understand what you're doing, but here's my story.
[742] We didn't either by episode 10.
[743] We've got it a little together.
[744] It's so sad and dramatic the idea of kids going through extreme trauma.
[745] Like, as a kid, I remember in grammar school, there were two boys that showed up when I was like in third grade or fourth grade.
[746] I can't remember.
[747] And they were brothers, but they didn't look like at all.
[748] and I was like, something's going on with that.
[749] And one of them seemed very, very sad to me, Greg, who I loved.
[750] I loved him.
[751] Oh, sad boys.
[752] He had the best face, like freckles and big blue eyes.
[753] And he was very sweet and quiet and talked slowly.
[754] I was like, how are you doing all this?
[755] It's a miracle.
[756] But then it turned out his parents were, they were recently remarried, and Greg's mother had died.
[757] Oh.
[758] And so his dad married his brothers, stepbrothers, but they were.
[759] were calling them brothers mom and i i was i didn't understand that that was a possibility in anyone's life like you didn't know anybody that had that happen and i was fascinated by them i would just stare at him because i'd just be like are you going to cry now he knows he knows he has a deep dark he's sad and it's so funny i didn't realize it you realized it that or knew somehow them but i thought about these girls like not long ago that went to my like joined elementary school in like sixth grade and this is a class that you went to your school that you went to like in that small town and they came and they they were like we're twins and they were so obviously not even related now i look back yeah and and they had like come from florida or so you know to irvine in in southern california such a random you would never even know it town that was obvious they were like running from someone probably like their parents were or their mom was or their dad kidnapped them or like something was going on a relocation yeah and now I look back and I'm like oh these girls had something going on it wasn't no it was no good no yeah it's such a weird those weird ways that like your innocence slowly peels away when you're like wait sorry everybody's parents aren't happily married and laugh every night at the dinner table like that's awful and then you're like not only that not only that but your mom could die at any time like those weird things you go like oh shit well you know that almost every like serious relationship i've been in and i'm always attracted to this guy and i uh i don't know it until i've already had a crush on them that one of their parents are dead really yeah like almost every guy in my adult life that i've had a relationship with i wonder if it's because i believe this there's someone i think it might be josh edom meyers i can't remember some comic i know that has the best joke i think is josh where it's like he's like I don't want to date any woman that has both parents that are alive I want to go out with someone that's seen some shit because there really is a huge difference in like how you deal with the world and how you see and prioritize things when you've already lost a major player in your life like that or had a trauma and like it's not I always think it's not fair because both my parents are alive but you know they divorced and I was young they both had fucked up issues so it's like my parents didn't die but I can't date someone normal I dated a guy who is super normal And when I told him I got spanked as a kid He said, oh, well, we never did anything bad enough to get spanked And I was just like, no, I really was like, oh, you'll never understand me That that neither did wait Yes, your parents were just fucking psycho Yes, exactly Yeah Kids, I mean, yeah No, it's crazy That is insane, well, yeah, there's a level, they can't empathize with you No That means they can't understand you Yeah, which is great, I'm happy for them marry someone normal but like I couldn't I couldn't do that it's funny because I really had it so easy and great and was so spoiled until like my late 20s and when my mom oh right I mean it was just like happy happily married parents who had money and were very nice to us not that they didn't yell and have their own issues and whatever but it was comparatively low grade and then when my mom started to get sick and it was like a new it was just a new realm I just went oh this Everyone gets this and I knew people when I was younger that got it as kids and I was like, oh, it's just that thing where now you're like, oh, those things don't matter at all.
[760] And you don't even have to worry about them mattering anymore.
[761] It's like when you lose people or have loss like that, you're suddenly just like, this doesn't matter.
[762] And what matters is you can let the person at Starbucks who's screaming go, go ahead, that's no big deal.
[763] You don't have to fight them.
[764] So you're just like, mm -mm.
[765] And then it's the thing of like, well, when is better or worse to experience?
[766] experience that loss.
[767] Like when you're a kid and you've just grown up knowing it that way or when you're 29 and suddenly your fucking entire world and you have no understanding of how to deal with it.
[768] Yeah.
[769] And it, yeah, like, I don't know.
[770] I mean, I definitely vote that the second one sucks.
[771] Yeah.
[772] I mean, like, sorry, I thought it was supposed to be sunshine and like free breakfast my whole life.
[773] What the fuck?
[774] I've always, whenever I see, you know, people over in teenage years and on his parents get divorced, I'm like, fuck that.
[775] I'm so glad it happened when I was five and I've been able to get used to it.
[776] I mean, it sucked, but, like, no, now your whole life shatters.
[777] Yes.
[778] Like, I found out my parents were normal human beings that young, and then to find out later, that's got to suck.
[779] It does.
[780] I bet it sucks.
[781] And also when people stay together using kids and excuses.
[782] Yeah, and you're like, please don't use me. So, let's read that positive one again.
[783] What's this fucking podcast turned into?
[784] And unfortunately, we record these hometowns now in the studio, so we have no Elvis.
[785] there is no Elvis there's nowhere to go although I do love the studio because I mean it is so professional on here you wouldn't believe it really is I did have a lighthearted one Stephen marked it for me and everything here it is you want to hear it okay which professional by the way is not what we're going for so this probably isn't good for us yeah it's it doesn't I don't feel like I belong in front of a mic this expensive all right ready yeah a brush with gasey and then it says lighthearted in parentheses oh my god Stephen so wait Stephen did you write lighthearted heard it or did the person that sent this write it?
[786] No, the helpful people sending have been writing lighthearted in the subject matter.
[787] And Stephen, again, Sarieldi, you put one at the top and one at the end of our, both mine at the top and Karen's on the, oh, Stephen, we will pay you some time.
[788] I just love that we're assuming Stephen is as unorganized and like kind of checked out as we are.
[789] When he's like, I'm busting my ass to make this thing work for you guys.
[790] Yeah, there's no reason.
[791] Oh, my God.
[792] Excuse me. Okay.
[793] Okay, hello Karen, Georgia, Stephen, Elvis, and my sweet sis Mimi.
[794] Oh, my name's Jenna, and I'm from North Carolina, but my dad grew up on the north side of Chicago.
[795] One day I was watching a shitty documentary.
[796] It says I was watching, parentheses, shitty documentary about one of my top five favorite serial killers, Don Wayne Gacey.
[797] Top five, I love that she was top five.
[798] I mean, and those five are always changing.
[799] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[800] Depending on the time of year.
[801] It's like my space top.
[802] Nobody remembers that.
[803] Yeah, wasn't it top?
[804] seven or something?
[805] Eight, I think.
[806] I was never on it.
[807] Oh.
[808] Too old and on drugs.
[809] Anyhow.
[810] Okay.
[811] Top five favorite serial killers, John Wayne Gacy, when the narrator mentioned his street, West Somerdale Avenue.
[812] It sounded kind of familiar, but I didn't know why.
[813] That night at dinner, I asked my dad if he knew where Somerdale Avenue was located.
[814] He said, yeah, that's right down the street from where I grew up.
[815] I choked on my peas and replied, Dad, that's where John Wayne Gacey lived.
[816] And he said, too, casually, My friends and I used to ride bikes down his street almost every day.
[817] I continued to freak out because my dad was between the ages of 9 and 14 during Gacy's active years, a little young according to his M .O., but ripe for the taking.
[818] My parents have long tolerated my morbid fascinations, but they couldn't understand why I was so excited by the fact that my dad could have been plastered into John Wayne Gacy's crawl space.
[819] also my grandma was on the same bowling team as his wife Carol who had to have known something was up No no she didn't You ladies are my fave can't wait to see when you finally make it to the East Coast Say sexy, don't get murdered and don't ride your bike down Somerdale Avenue That's awesome That is a great lighthearted one to end on Oh there's no name on that one though Let's call her Chandra Naming her Chandra That was awesome That was perfect.
[820] That was a little.
[821] Oh, she said my name is Jen at the top.
[822] Oh, right.
[823] Sorry, Stephen.
[824] Jean, Sean to Jen.
[825] Steven.
[826] Let's talk about parental breakdown some more and then we'll end.
[827] Let's just talk about all of it.
[828] Let's put it all out.
[829] Well, we did go to therapy this morning together, so we'll talk about that on the next episode.
[830] You guys, we are going to therapy together, and it is amazing.
[831] Take all of your friends to therapy.
[832] serious especially if you have to do business with them if you were engaged in a business scenario anything learn it you know what it is it's learning who your friend is so you can adapt to them as much as you want them to adapt to you but only if it's vice versa but only if they're willing to do it too otherwise you're fucking putting yourself out there and then then can't do that no no no it has to be mutual yeah Yeah, we had a good one.
[833] Yeah.
[834] And I was lightly in love with our therapist from the second I walked in.
[835] I was just like, could you just solve everything else in my life?
[836] Totally.
[837] He's amazing.
[838] Well, thanks for listening to the quote.
[839] Oh, it's been 55 minutes.
[840] Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, we did record some weird shit in the beginning that we'll probably take out.
[841] Yeah, we'll take that off.
[842] But thanks for listening to the minis, so sorry if your half hour ride has been, drive has been ruined.
[843] Yeah, sorry if you're still sitting, getting, uh, like toxic poisoning because your car is in the garage Don't get murdered by your car Stay sexy in your car And don't get murdered in your car Bye