#639 - Greg Proops

[0] Either way, I could, depending upon the day, I could argue both ways.

[1] Greg, motherfuckin' proofs is here.

[2] On the Joe Wilgen, Experiance.

[3] Greg Proops is one of those dudes that actually wrote a book.

[4] I'm one of those dudes who threatens to write a book, but never does it.

[5] But you're one of those dudes who actually wrote a book, the smartest book in the world.

[6] You bad motherfucker, are you?

[7] I just learned to read, and so I thought, why not put it to use?

[8] I have another level of respect for people who write books.

[9] It took so long, Joe.

[10] You know, you think it's going to be easy.

[11] You think you're just going to...

[12] Because it's, you know, off the podcast, right?

[13] Obviously, it's a cheap, you know, marketing ploy.

[14] From the smartest man in the world, your podcast on iTunes.

[15] Smartest book in the world.

[16] Because when they said, what would you call the book?

[17] And when I went into the meeting, I was like, the smartest book in the world.

[18] And they were like, love it, you know.

[19] So that was a couple of years ago.

[20] And it took about, I don't know, a year and a half to kind of get together.

[21] I thought I'd be able to take, like, transcripts from the show.

[22] And then I realized they don't read that.

[23] well you know there's too much doubling back there's too much internal logic and there's a big difference between orating and writing right big goddamn difference and sometimes like for stand -up comedy that's like why one of the most important things is you have to do both and the guys who only do one or the other it's easily doesn't it doesn't mean some guys can pull it off some guys some guys just like to just go up and just keep going up all all the time and just going over the material in their head like sort of Jay -Z style Yeah.

[24] And they were actually sitting down and writing things out.

[25] I know guys who don't, you know, only a key word here and there.

[26] And then I was just in Denver, and I made everybody get their book out because I wanted to look at everybody's book.

[27] You know, like, I'm obsessed with the fact that we're the last people who write things on pieces of paper all the time for our own information.

[28] Like, the rest of the world has completely gone phone.

[29] Really?

[30] I think so.

[31] But, I mean, I don't know.

[32] Do you carry a little, you carry a notebook, right?

[33] I carry a notebook when I perform.

[34] Right, me too.

[35] I have a little, one of those little tiny moleskins.

[36] Uh -huh.

[37] And so you're, but like, so I'm, I took mine out.

[38] And of course, it's just a sheaf of garbage with like every napkin and, and, and stationary from every hotel on earth.

[39] Right.

[40] And stuffed into moleskins.

[41] And then the other guy takes his out, Deacon Gray's, his name is a Denver comic.

[42] And his is written like a playwright.

[43] Each page just beautifully, you know, every word of the joke written down.

[44] Right.

[45] And I'm like, I write like corn, you know, and then try to remember the other 18 minutes that goes with it.

[46] And so, like you say, sometimes you need.

[47] to write the whole thing out and look at it.

[48] But my question was, and I don't know if this works with you, if you write something down on a piece of paper, for me, I remember it.

[49] If I type it into something, I've got to read it a thousand times.

[50] They've done studies on that, actually.

[51] That the best way for someone to remember something is to actually physically write it longhand.

[52] It's cursive longhand?

[53] Is that what they called longhand?

[54] Yeah, they call that longhand.

[55] But I mean, just writing it, I don't write in cursive.

[56] I don't know anyone who writes in cursive that much.

[57] My mom does, and she sent me a whole letter.

[58] the other day and I couldn't read it halfway through I just gave up because I don't even the ZR thing I can't tell it's like like that yeah what's wrong with the microphone I know why is it flopped it's spinning he wants to get up microphones went Michael Michael Moore wrote this thing about running for president a couple weeks ago that was pretty funny he's not doing it but one of the things he said was well the first thing he said was universal cords for everything right for all devices all computers phones he goes we've had the same plug in the wall for a hundred years yeah there's not 16 different ones Why is every device?

[59] Well, almost everybody, but Apple uses a microSD, right?

[60] Right, right.

[61] Or a micro USB, rather.

[62] Every brand they change.

[63] But he also said, everyone has to be taught cursive.

[64] And his reason was, it's the one thing that's absolutely distinct like a fingerprint to every human.

[65] Our signature is, you know what I mean?

[66] You can copy people's signatures, but we all learn our own way to write.

[67] Old government tricks.

[68] Yep.

[69] Yep.

[70] And so I agreed with him on that.

[71] I thought, I don't really write letters in cursive.

[72] Like your mother did because she went to school before.

[73] But I learned cursive, oh, my God, when I was eight years old or nine years old, you know.

[74] Well, the way you write is always, like, it's always distinctive so much.

[75] So it's a segment in television shows and movies and plots.

[76] You know, they bring in the handwriting analysis guy.

[77] A giant loop on the P and a giant loop on the G means an outstanding personality and the double O's are, you know, blah, blah, blah.

[78] It can break you down and how are you.

[79] Do you have the same signature that you did when you start?

[80] comedy?

[81] Yeah.

[82] Did you abbreviate it?

[83] Ish?

[84] No. I have an abbreviated one in case I got to sign a thousand things.

[85] So you have two versions.

[86] Not a lot of letters.

[87] Yeah.

[88] Where it's just kind of G's and P's.

[89] I like the people who've narrowed their signature down to nothing.

[90] It just looks like a blob and you're like, that doesn't look like your name.

[91] That's kind of a...

[92] Willie Mays, I have a couple of autographs of.

[93] I didn't get them personally, but they were given to me. And Willie Mays learned handwriting in the 30s in Alabama.

[94] Alabama, where he grew up, I'm sure, at his little school, right?

[95] So his writing goes the other way entirely.

[96] Like, it doesn't look like Willie Mays.

[97] It looks like, ween, ween, like all going one way.

[98] And I looked at it for ages until I figured out, oh, he's holding it like this and going like that with his W. He's making a W completely backwards to the way you'd make a W. But Babe Ruth, who went to school in the early turn of the century in Baltimore, and he went to an industrial school where the priests and the nuns beat you and stuff.

[99] You know, like...

[100] Old school.

[101] Yeah, he went to one of those.

[102] His signature is absolutely beautiful, and he wrote with his left hand.

[103] And if you wrote left -handed then, it was terrible because you were using a fountain pen or you dipped it in a well.

[104] So your hand goes across your work.

[105] Yes.

[106] Oh, that's gross.

[107] Every left -hander had to learn to write with their hand up.

[108] Yeah, writing left -handed is a real bitch, man. That's a real bitch.

[109] I tried to practice it once when I broke my arm.

[110] I couldn't write with my right hand, so I started writing things with my left, and it was bizarre.

[111] First of all, it's bizarre how shitty your left hand works.

[112] Yes.

[113] It's incredible.

[114] It's amazing how poor.

[115] Yeah, I mean, if you think about what your right hand can do with drawing things and writing things down very quickly with excellent control of your fingers, excellent articulation.

[116] Thank you.

[117] You switch over to your left hand, like you get tired writing.

[118] It's such an effort.

[119] You have to concentrate all of your right brain on writing.

[120] My right arm, though, is starting to turn into my left arm just from using cell.

[121] phone's too much, how I sit, use my computer.

[122] I'm getting early signs of carpal tunnel or something, but it's turning weak.

[123] I could feel it get weaker.

[124] You're right -handed.

[125] My right arm.

[126] And you've overused it with devices.

[127] So much.

[128] Well, they say that with people with thumbs.

[129] The thumbs now, they have more carpal tunnel issues with thumbs than like ever in human history between Xboxes, Game Boys, and texting.

[130] Yeah, everything's this now.

[131] It's all this one movement.

[132] And with kids, there's some kids that are fucking addicted.

[133] You know, like, we've all, we've had many conversations on this podcast about electronic addictions and how real they are now like Ari Shafir just switched over to a little flip phone and somebody else just flipped over to a flip phone too oh Rory MacDonald UFC fighter he switched over to he's like from the smartphone yeah he's like it's just too much I just I just don't feel like I get enough me time I'm just constantly dealing with texts and tweets and looking at this video and watching that do you think that's head trauma that's why they're going back to the flip phone both Ari and Rory Rory Rory has been hit but rarely he's very skillful are he lost his other phone yeah all he made a conscious decision and talked about it while he had his iphone how dare you yeah i really well he really did man i think it's good though i i know people who use old tashun ones and yeah i got i got a buddy in illinois and he brought out his and he had a little razor man and i was like why not you know what i don't think you have to do everything every i got buddies too who are on twitter that are comedians and they just want their privacy they're not on Facebook, they want to live their lives, man. And I say right on because I find myself wasting too much time on it.

[134] You know what I mean?

[135] There's the difference between doing your business on it, because we all got to tweet and do all, you know, and go on periscope and shoot each other and be the monkeys.

[136] But when you find yourself just going through Twitter, just looking for something that's interesting, you're like, I could be you know, building a home out of bricks or getting something actually done.

[137] Writing a sonnet to my wife or something.

[138] Reading a book.

[139] Yeah, like my book.

[140] Like the smartest book in the world.

[141] Like, why would you fuck with Twitter when you could just read that?

[142] I don't think I bang on the internet too much on there.

[143] A little bit.

[144] There's a few things.

[145] Because the whole WWW World Wide Web thing, I'm like, World Wide Web is three syllables.

[146] And WWW is nine syllables.

[147] So why do we say the abbreviation?

[148] That's so true.

[149] World Wide Web is much faster to say than WWW.

[150] World Wide Web is way quick.

[151] Yeah, what about that?

[152] That's hilarious.

[153] I never thought of that until right now.

[154] And I put it in the book, like, why have we said WWW?

[155] That is so fucking funny.

[156] Did you find Willie Mays, isn't it?

[157] No, like, no one ever said anything.

[158] Someone pointed it out to me a couple years ago, a friend went like, um, why do we say this?

[159] And I'm like, oh my God.

[160] W. W. World Wide Web.

[161] Because we think we're shortening up by saying W. Like, hey, that's a hip way to say it.

[162] Boy.

[163] Stuttering.

[164] Why don't we just say dub, dub, dub, or something?

[165] That's some connection to life.

[166] There's there's something in that like there's a reason why life is so goofy That's that's got I there's got to be some connection I stick that one in there and and stuff you I like words that I hate and stuff There's a couple chapters on that and not words that you hate well like you know people I said like Soups and cray cray and all that that'll I said in 50 years.

[167] It'll be like saying buggy whip or whippers snapper or you know I'd like when people use cray cray in anonymous or in an ironic rather way Yeah, I don't mind that like if something fucks up And some guy does something really stupid, and someone goes, damn, he cray -cray.

[168] You know, that's funny.

[169] If they don't really mean it, but if they do mean it, it's like, ooh, you just shouldn't accept that level of culture automatically.

[170] I agree.

[171] There has to be some bulwark against the barbarians.

[172] There has to be something against the horde of sheep who are willing to all act and behave the same.

[173] There's got to be something.

[174] There's got to be not having a smartphone is one way.

[175] I remember, was it John Waters who didn't have email up to like a couple of years?

[176] How dare he?

[177] He would have someone take down everything and hand him a sheaf of paper and he'd like go through all the messages and everything.

[178] That's hilarious.

[179] Tweet for me. I would like to say, you remember when people used to use it like if you had, you know, at Red Band, it would be is going to the doctor today.

[180] Yeah.

[181] You know what I mean?

[182] Like it wasn't a, it wasn't direct.

[183] It was sort of you were talking about yourself in the third person.

[184] That was the way people initially used Twitter.

[185] you know and I was always like get the fuck out of here I'm not gonna do that I'm just gonna just talk normal but there's a lot of people that used it like at your name and then you know is having a great time at the movies like who you are you haven't you can't say I'm writing in the conditional you see I'm a third pretty observer to my own life at all times I'm narrating myself Greg is having a good time being here on the Joe Rogan show at this moment and you used to you get fucked if you have too many letters in your in your little name right because if you have the real Greg Proops, Esquire.

[186] Well, then your tweets are going to be really short.

[187] Harley Moskowitz, the adventurous rabbi.

[188] Yeah, I mean, your tweets can be still 140 characters, but no one's going to retweet the whole thing.

[189] They're never going to quote tweet it because they can't.

[190] No. Because your fucking name's too long.

[191] God damn it.

[192] Wow.

[193] The only...

[194] People trying to...

[195] The issue I have with all of these things is they're all fun and they're all great and they're all gruevy.

[196] And the reason why I have a career is because there's an internet.

[197] I just find, like...

[198] Everybody trusts technology too much, in so much as the people who make it and the people who are over watching us, they are not benign.

[199] Whoa, was this some dark overlord type shit?

[200] We're not going to go to the room full of 11 men and the Council of Five or nothing like that.

[201] I'm just saying, you know, be mindful of all the stuff you tape.

[202] You know, people just tape every intimate moment of their lives.

[203] And all of a sudden, just like in the movie with Cameron Diaz, you're on the cloud.

[204] Oh, no, it's getting worse and worse for me because I've been...

[205] Staying at home a lot more or trying to and so have like webcams where they're they're recording me play video games and stuff and I'll forget that I have that on and then next thing you know like like like a day later.

[206] I'm sitting there talking and I realize that oh, I'm just talking like Jamie could just be sitting there listening to me right now and because it's so easy to do with like Xbox Live or all these other things.

[207] Yeah, that's a new thing and it's it's going to transition probably into something even more invasive.

[208] It's probably going to be like like we're.

[209] saying before like some sort of a google glass thing like through a ski helmet type situation where you know that's what they're working on with that magic leap right wasn't that part of it it was either magic leap or one of the other ones that they're working on where they they can spin objects in the air in front of them and stop them and move them and stretch them out like you can open like minority report right you're doing it in the air minority report was on like a was it a screen i believe so yeah no screens you're just doing it in the air you're there you're the world becomes your desktop.

[210] And I think we're talking about two different technologies.

[211] I think that the other stuff is the Magic Leap thing.

[212] I think it's a different type.

[213] Yeah.

[214] There's that Sony TV.

[215] What is this one?

[216] Oh, this is the watch that's on your arm?

[217] It's a window.

[218] A group of benign people who care about you who are well -groomed are thinking right now about your future.

[219] Oh, that's so cool.

[220] Anytime you have an advertisement for anything that might even be potentially remotely dangerous, those advertisements should all be illegal.

[221] I've been watching advertisements lately on late night television.

[222] They have all these advertisements about drugs, like ask your doctor, all these ask your doctor commercials.

[223] And I'm like, these commercials are terrifying.

[224] And then when they start listing the side effects and sometimes the side effects is death or suicide, and you're like, Like, really?

[225] Dude, the side effect from this one thing for zits, the entire, I don't know what the medication is, but it was a genuinely disturbing video.

[226] Because you know that happy song?

[227] Come on to do, happy.

[228] They're only playing, like, the background music.

[229] They don't have the lyrics to the music.

[230] They don't have the vocals.

[231] But these two girls are walking and bopping down the street, like they're in a fucking music video.

[232] And it's about zits.

[233] And it's about your zits are keeping you from.

[234] being so you gotta ask your doctor about this medication that stops your zits and then it goes through all the lists of shit you should be careful of including bloody diarrhea oh my goodness this is in the fucking commercial and they're saying you have to be careful of abdominal cramps because they could be fatal you got to go to your doctor if any of these things happen i mean they run through a fucking laundry list of shit that you have to be worried about where i'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me this is real And this is on TV, and they're allowed to -year -old girls to take it.

[235] And they manipulate you with the dancing and the pretty girls.

[236] This is the shit.

[237] We're not showing this for the rest of the world, right?

[238] What's it called?

[239] O 'Nexton.

[240] Okay, so it's got these girls, they're beautiful.

[241] They're fucking flawless.

[242] They don't have a mark on their face.

[243] How can you can't get someone with zits that needs this shit?

[244] You got these gorgeous model girls, and while they're jogging down the street, this fucking happy song is playing.

[245] Dude, it's dark It's dark They're dead eyes I was gonna say And then an alien comes aboard And takes control of your life Well they're showing you the ideal This is the ideal Flawless people After yeah But think about what they're selling Who the fuck looks like this If I take this medication While I look like that girl Like why do you have that girl Why is she so beautiful?

[246] Does she have Zit problems So why are you using her For this fucking commercial That's like you know showing Lexington Steel in a big penis cream commercial.

[247] No, show a regular dude with a little dick, grow a big dick, okay?

[248] You can't show giant dicks.

[249] I was born with a giant dick, and it's the same thing here.

[250] Those girls were born flawless.

[251] I mean, that girl has a perfect skin structure or a bone structure and beautiful, clear skin, and she's dressed fashionably, and the music is playing great, and her hair's blowing, just so in the wind where it looks like a casual summer day.

[252] and you're like, God, if I just took this medication, I can hang with these bitches.

[253] No, you don't look like anything like them.

[254] It's insane.

[255] Everywhere they go, there's models.

[256] It's like the world's filled with tens, and you're going down the street bopping to music, and everyone's got a little dog.

[257] Like, what the fuck are you selling?

[258] Oh, and the beautiful backdrop that they were in front of that lovely building, and there was woods and whatnot.

[259] There was no rappers anywhere, homeless people.

[260] No, no. It's a fantasy.

[261] Yeah, no fat people lost a foot to diabetes.

[262] He's pushing around in a wheelchair asking you for money.

[263] What's the expression, impossible beauty standards, they say?

[264] This cult commercials, one long, impossible beauty standard.

[265] And it's about something that's, you know, that fucks with people when you get zits all of your face.

[266] Scary face.

[267] This is a crazy video.

[268] Side effects may include you become an alien with bright right here.

[269] Yeah, the side effects.

[270] See, Jamie, see if you can find out where the side effects are, because they, we've got to play it.

[271] Because they go on for like a minute.

[272] I mean, the side effects just fucking keep going That's skin irritation, especially if used with other acne products Stop use and call your doctor if you have a rash Or very red, burning, itchy, or swollen skin Limit your time in the sun, avoid tanning beds and sunlaves That's not the whole one You gotta go before that word says you could die Limit your time in the sun Stop use if you develop severe, watery or bloody diarrhea As these may be fatal That's okay, let's just stop right there and back that up One more time.

[273] hear that one more time.

[274] Stop use if you develop severe watery or bloody diarrhea or severe abdominal cramps as these may be fatal.

[275] Stop.

[276] As these may be fatal.

[277] What in the actual fuck?

[278] To not to overuse a term like cray cray, but seriously what in the actual fuck?

[279] I was watching that commercial last night on TV during a hunting show.

[280] Okay?

[281] I'm watching a show about hunting.

[282] Wow.

[283] And they have this commercial about bloody diarrhea and I'm like what the fuck I might change channels I might be wrong about what I was watching on but I wasn't wrong about the the actual commercial itself being insanity no and the the visuals and the soundtrack don't match at that moment when they're talking about buddy diarrhea she casts a side long glance and throws her hood off and gets ready to run I don't think we should be so flippant I know influence of these goddamn commercials at all I think this is like this is like coercion.

[284] It's like voodoo.

[285] They're doing like, they're brainwashing people.

[286] What's the actual number somewhere in the neighborhood of, with the phone now?

[287] It used to be hundreds of ads a day with just walking around on TV.

[288] But with the phone, I think it's up to what, $3 ,000 a day or something like that?

[289] The ads that you have to make your way through?

[290] There's a lot of fucking ads, man. And it's all mind -bisanding and poisoning and it has an agenda and the agenda is to take money from you and fool you.

[291] Well, I don't worry about that when it comes to like cars, as long as the cars are safe.

[292] Like, make it sexy.

[293] Trim, do, Judge Viper.

[294] I don't mind that.

[295] You're going to coerce me in that way.

[296] That's fine.

[297] I do mind it, though, if I might get bloody diarrhea that kills me. You're coercing me. Imagine if you're a young girl with that's it.

[298] And you might have an unfortunate looking face, and you just always felt like you're an outcast.

[299] And maybe if my skin was clear, then I would be scared to go to the gym.

[300] You know, maybe those girls at school would be nicer to me. And I'd have, you know, more popular friends.

[301] and you see this fucking commercial, and the next thing you know, you're going to your doctor, and the next thing you know after that, you've got bloody diarrhea, and you're dying.

[302] How would you get bloody diarrhea, though?

[303] Because it wouldn't be...

[304] There's only one way.

[305] Well, yeah.

[306] But it wouldn't be bright, right?

[307] It would be like that black red diarrhea.

[308] Of course, it would be an internal bleeding.

[309] So an acne medicine is giving you internal beliefs.

[310] Well, obviously, the FDA approved this, but knew that within a certain group, however what a number is, whatever they feel the number is safe, that many people out of that number, it's okay that they get these things.

[311] As long as you say, consult with your doctor, that probably adheres to some code within the administration and all that jive.

[312] Really one of the more fascinating things about us biologically is the fact that you could take something and it has no effect on you at all.

[313] And I can take the same thing and die.

[314] Like, you know, things that people are severely allergic to or allergic reactions, even to medication.

[315] I mean, how many times you've ever been asked if you're allergic to penicill?

[316] Yeah, yeah.

[317] Imagine being the poor bastard that's allergic to penic.

[318] Cillin, fuck, man. Like, you could be, you know, one person, nothing, guy next to him, he'll die.

[319] I'm allergic to penicillin.

[320] Are you really?

[321] Do you have to wear a little thing?

[322] Dude, that's hilarious.

[323] And it sucks about being allergic to penicillin as you're allergic to all the cillins.

[324] So like the macacillin and all the...

[325] And those are in other medicines.

[326] Yeah, so, and I get strep throat a lot, like almost once a year.

[327] And so that normally you just take penicillin.

[328] I can't...

[329] Dude, I had no idea you were allergic to that.

[330] That's wild.

[331] Some, something that's not as effective.

[332] Yeah, right.

[333] How did you find out?

[334] Did you take penicillin or did they test you?

[335] Yeah, as a kid, I took it and I broke up in this huge rash and stuff like that.

[336] Could you breathe?

[337] Uh -huh.

[338] Could you breathe when you had the reaction?

[339] I think I was fine breathing, but it was all over me, so it was pretty gross.

[340] But it was obvious, it happened within a certain...

[341] Oh yeah, it happened immediately.

[342] Oh my gosh.

[343] Wow!

[344] Yeah, that's crazy.

[345] So, but you realize that before penicillin, the casualties in wars and stuff were off the charts.

[346] It's like, what is it?

[347] World War I is when it gets invented?

[348] Because the lack of good antibiotics to treat any kind of post -wound infection or any kind of...

[349] What terrifies me is how nature is trying to keep up with antibiotics and they have these MRSA infections that people get where they're hospitalized for months.

[350] I mean, some people, they catch MRSA.

[351] When MRSA is like medication -resistant staff, something or another, I think that's what it stands for.

[352] but it's it's particularly um particularly uh common in surgery cases for some reason like people have surgery what happened nothing i just caught a look at myself on camera and i have jaded connenberg water buffalo hair someone's in the in the what is it periscope chat you have genius hair yeah that's what i'm going for mad genius yeah genius hair yeah it goes with your pervy professor my hours are posted yeah what the fuck we were just talking about Merva.

[353] Merva?

[354] They're being resistant to antibiotics.

[355] Oh, Mursa.

[356] Mursa.

[357] That scares a shit out of me, that they're trying to get stronger as we make more.

[358] I mean, it's almost like there's a war going on.

[359] Like any bacteria.

[360] Eventually, those won't work.

[361] Well, do you know, some people that use them all the time, they get so crazy that they get, they kill all the resistance in their hands to other bacteria, so they get warts and shit all over their hands.

[362] It's like really common for people that have become addicted to that stuff.

[363] It's not a bad idea every now.

[364] and again to give yourself a little anti -bibacterial in the hands a little that stuff that you gel it smells like alcohol it's got to be good for you it smells like medicine but some my friend went over to looked at a house and inside the house was a closet full of the stuff what yeah they were gonna buy this house they went and looked in the house and they opened this door and there was a fucking closet filled with hand sanitizer just bottles and bottles and bottles and bottles like a crazy person was terrified of running out of hand sanitizer It's been a godsend for germophobes.

[365] Yeah.

[366] Everyone who's an anal germaphobe loves it because they just, they're every two seconds.

[367] I know some people and they're always, you know, you want somebody.

[368] Like, that's a psychological thing, right?

[369] Right.

[370] It's like ODD or what do they call it?

[371] OCD, not ODD.

[372] So don't you think that that almost like fuels it, like having?

[373] That's what I mean.

[374] It's absolutely being validated that the thing you're afraid of is true.

[375] You know, I'm afraid of touch anything or touch anything.

[376] Like, when I do my podcast, I talk to everyone in the audience before.

[377] the show for a while and I shake everybody's hand so I'm communicating whatever disease anyone's giving me to everyone and I don't use hand sanitizer I'll go in the dress room and wash my hands after that and then start the show but we all have to take that chance we're all humans and live with each other I think it's good for your immune system too I do too I've never gotten sick from it and I'm never nothing bad you don't go lick in your hands though right like I say I wash my hands after the show I do not I do not pleasure myself or dance around or make a taco or anything like that Is it that this is a concern?

[378] Just think about the actual existence of human beings.

[379] How bizarre is it?

[380] There is a concern that you might get an organism that's attached to another person.

[381] And that organism will threaten the very ecosystem that your life depends on.

[382] That's real.

[383] Like, that's how people get colds.

[384] You're rubbing up against an organism.

[385] You get it in your body because it came off of someone else's body and it may or may not kill you.

[386] You know, like the flu?

[387] How many times have you shake?

[388] taking all these hands after a show and then fingered a girl without washing your hands and now that was inside of her.

[389] I mean, that goes about saying.

[390] I think everyone can relate to that, Brian.

[391] Yeah, no, I just watch my hands after shows.

[392] Yeah, I wash my hands too.

[393] And also, you know, I don't think about it that much, but now that we're on the subject, the microphone never gets cleaned off.

[394] Ever.

[395] At a gym, you would never touch equipment that didn't occasionally get something white.

[396] Especially with your face, you kind of kiss it sometimes.

[397] How many times do you accidentally put your mouth on it?

[398] Or you're making a sound effect and you're fucking r -r -r -r -r -r -r -r -you - know.

[399] Yeah, you're sucking on, and who knows whose face.

[400] Exactly.

[401] I get it all up in the mic all the time and you'll, you know, they don't sterilize that thing.

[402] They never touch them with alcohol and really they should, now that I think about it, maybe, maybe I'll go Todd Glass on everyone and have them change the lighting and sterilize the things.

[403] Well, I think worst -case scenario is these things, these foam things.

[404] Right, because this is just a receptacle.

[405] We're spitting into that fucking thing and there's, like, growing all kinds of weird, funky shit.

[406] I bet if we had a microphone and we looked at what's actually going on, in the foam of this microphone, I suppose we'd be fucking terrified.

[407] Oh, yeah.

[408] It'd be like the clouds of Venus or whatever.

[409] There'd be every manner of thing growing in there.

[410] It would be pretty cool taking all that DNA, though.

[411] You know how many people have talked into that microphone?

[412] No kidding.

[413] We have David Lee Rock DNA.

[414] You've got a hall of fame in here, man. I wonder if that, how long does that stick around?

[415] I don't know.

[416] Forever.

[417] That's fair.

[418] Forever, man. Hopefully, man. I think, like, for, like, spit, it's got to be pretty fresh.

[419] You can't use a hundred -year -old spit.

[420] Like, you know, if somebody sucked on a flute a hundred years ago, I really doubt they, I wonder, get some DNA off that.

[421] That's a good question, and I can't answer it, but I want to, off what you're just saying, I was in Philly, like a year or two ago, and I went to Independence Hall, right?

[422] And they got the several drafts of the Declaration of Independence, like the pre -drafts before the one that we all know.

[423] And it says on the explanation on the wall, Benjamin Franklin and George Washington is sweat, and DNA is all over this, because they were like this over it with pens writing, And so I wonder if the spit lasts because they were, according to this, it's like them touching it and their hair landing on it and them sweating on it was enough to, you could extract.

[424] It's definitely DNA in the future if it hasn't been created yet.

[425] Right.

[426] Right.

[427] If we can't pick it up now.

[428] Right.

[429] I mean, whether it would be a whole readout of a, you know, a complete DNA molecule or whether it would just be some of it, I don't know.

[430] But they were like, oh, Benjamin Franklin's DNA is all over this thing.

[431] Like literally, and I was like, ooh, that's kind of exciting to think about them just sitting there going, I'm going, I'm going to win in the court.

[432] How do you spell, you know, course, and, you know what I mean?

[433] Because there's all those scratchouts on it and ink and them touching it.

[434] Poor wiping techniques.

[435] Well, like, the thing I think about when you look at old.

[436] They didn't even brush.

[437] No, the thing about old paintings is, you know, that someone's, you know, the physical act.

[438] That's always the, to me, that brings the pass back instantly because it's like the genuine.

[439] an article.

[440] If someone made a painting 500 years ago, like you see a Da Vinci or something, he certainly went, you know, and had paint on his face and, and touched it with his hands and put the brushes and, you know, got up to it and stood back from it.

[441] And, you know, you're seeing the completed article, but the process that went into it is like any plastic art, isn't the immediacy of them making it?

[442] It's kind of fascinating how once you give something a name, like DNA, and it becomes a normal part of your discussion it you you kind of forget how crazy just being able to lick something and leave fucking DNA is the idea that you're a stamp like you're sending a bill and you lick it and you seal that stamp that has your fucking genetic markers on it and they can identify you really well like down to like in the high 90s right it's like not a hundred but we know it's you bitch and they take these fucking these saliva samples and all sorts of different samples they can get DNA off of skin hair but did you hear that no but here's the hair thing did you hear that the hair science like there's a good percentage of it is bullshit it was actually invented by the FBI and responsible for hundreds of convictions where the doctors like wore a fucking lab coat and said without a doubt 100 % these came from the same person And it goes back 20 years since they started the program.

[443] I read about it last week.

[444] It's scandalous.

[445] It's not just scandalous.

[446] It's horrific.

[447] Yeah, it is.

[448] People were put to death.

[449] Yeah, they were.

[450] People were put to death for crimes.

[451] Who the fuck knows if they were guilty or weren't guilty?

[452] But if the tipping point was this hair thing, that's got to be murder, right?

[453] Right.

[454] That's murder.

[455] It's murder.

[456] Why can't we charge them with murder?

[457] Do you think anything will come over this?

[458] I think it's a shitstorm.

[459] It went away right after I first saw it.

[460] But that's definitely the kind of thing you have hearings about, I think.

[461] You know what, man?

[462] Funding for programs, things like that?

[463] There's a fundamental huge flaw in the system.

[464] And the fucking fundamental flaw of the justice system is there's winning and losing.

[465] And when people get involved in winning and losing, they cheat, they lie, they steal.

[466] They want to win because winning becomes more important than anything else.

[467] Especially the good guys, because the good guys want to.

[468] win.

[469] Winning becomes more important than even justice and truth because along the way they develop this attitude like look if I'm going after them they're already fucking guilty of something else.

[470] I know who's guilty.

[471] Especially when they're dealing with like young kids that might have fucked up a few times, been to juvenile home or went to jail.

[472] Like they will literally cause crimes like give people sentences that they don't deserve lock them up with fucking planted evidence like this is not it's not an uncommon thing that only existed in a movie and if we saw it in real life we'd be like right if we saw someone planting a gun on a murder suspect or a murder victim we wouldn't even think twice we'd like of course they did it yeah these people do this sometimes it's not and everyone who becomes a cop is just the one thing that everyone who becomes a cop has in common is they're all people yeah that's the one thing so that alone would let you believe that most people should never be fucking cops.

[473] Like the vast majority of people should never be fucking cops.

[474] You couldn't be trusted with that kind of responsibility.

[475] No way.

[476] That kind of power?

[477] And then when it gets abused, like, you know, now we've seen the last six months, the last two days, the police state, the overfunding, the militarization, the absolute lack of code when it comes to black people or the underclass.

[478] And then it just piles up.

[479] Now we see it, though, more and more.

[480] And now we're highly keenly tuned into it, especially since Walter Scott got aced on video phone horribly a couple of weeks ago.

[481] What is that?

[482] The guy in, which town was it in?

[483] Walter Scott in video.

[484] It's on the video.

[485] You see the cop put a bunch of slugs in the guy who got shot who was running away from him.

[486] That poor fellow.

[487] Oh, God.

[488] So, like, now we're real acutely aware that cops, like you say, are people and panic, shoot people, go crazy with their situation they're in.

[489] They develop personal animosity for this person they're trying to take out because it becomes a competition.

[490] It becomes a competition of arresting them.

[491] Then it becomes a competition of convicting them.

[492] It becomes us against them.

[493] And even if you're a great guy and you're the perfect guy for being a cop, you always have to be on guard of some fucking asshole trying to shoot you or jumping on you and punch you.

[494] When you're arresting people, you have to always be on your complete red alert.

[495] Because we've all seen those videos of cops that were like pulling people over and then they got shot or pulling people over.

[496] You've seen the one where the woman pulls the guy over and the guy beats the shit out of the woman in front of his daughter and his daughter's screaming.

[497] Stop, Daddy, stop.

[498] He knocks her out and beats the shit out of her when she's unconscious.

[499] It's horrific.

[500] It just shows you, first of all, you can't have a lone woman by herself in that scenario.

[501] I mean, everyone wants to believe in equal rights.

[502] There's no physical equality that just doesn't exist.

[503] And if you're going to be a woman and you're going to be in a situation where you have to arrest a big physical man, You can't let them get anywhere near you, ever.

[504] You can't let them get anywhere near you.

[505] You have to make sure that everybody that's around you, whether it's other cops or they know what's going on, they know where you are right now.

[506] Because it's highly likely that this guy's going to make an irrational decision to just beat the fuck out of you.

[507] And if you don't get to your gun in time, you're done.

[508] And that's the case with men too.

[509] So those men have to constantly be worried about it.

[510] They always constantly when they're still.

[511] So they're always fucking freaking out and tense.

[512] It's almost a job that no one can do.

[513] Well, how do you do it every day and measure the justice every day?

[514] And then when you see how shit the system is and when you see how even the people you're arresting and have to live amongst, their life's not so hot.

[515] You know what I mean?

[516] Oh, the people you're arresting, you feel sorry for them.

[517] At both ends of the spectrum, because on the one hand, like when you saw that Ferguson report, the mandate from the city was you go out and you get those fines because that's how we generate income in this town.

[518] You go out and arrest people, you pull people over for license plates, lights, any old minor for being black, just whatever.

[519] You just make that happen.

[520] And so in the report, it said, they were getting pressure to be those kind of cops that had to just, minor infractions were how the city was making his money.

[521] God, that's so crazy.

[522] It's a complete inversion of how we perceive what the police are supposed to do because we're paying the taxes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[523] It's glorified revenue collecting.

[524] Right?

[525] But that puts something on them that they didn't sign up for.

[526] you know what I mean like when the troops have to defend money positions and interests for our country that's when I get huffy you know like people are like right you should be for the troops I'm like I'm all for the troops you put them in poisonous danger with shit that's not tested or no body armor or poorly armored vehicles that get blown up by iEDs and stuff and that's our fault you know what I mean you're that's the government being malfecent and not protecting the people it's asking them to do something that's more than you signed up now imagine if the cops the soldiers rather also had to write tickets they had to collect money for insurgents in essence they do right in essence they do but you imagine they also have to deliver money situation where not only did they have to go and fight wars but they also had to ticket these people pull over you I mean that's that look if once it happens then that's what it is and that's the problem with cops like we can't think of a time where a cop wouldn't be writing speeding tickets but it's fucking ridiculous you're making a cop do that.

[527] Either someone's violating the law, which means they need to be brought into jail or it's not that big a deal.

[528] It's one of the other.

[529] It's one of the other.

[530] You can't just take money from people because they touched a gas pedal a little too hard.

[531] But they do.

[532] And parking fines, I mean, L .A., you know.

[533] I lived in San Francisco and London.

[534] The three places I've lived, and parking is, you know, that's the whole income of the city.

[535] Yeah.

[536] Yeah, parking is giant.

[537] If they made free parking, they didn't write out parking tickets.

[538] And then, you know, they can make a little bit of money from the change, but they bank on you, up.

[539] Oh, yeah, they do.

[540] What is it?

[541] 60 bucks to go over the meter?

[542] 60.

[543] Something 90.

[544] In Hollywood it is.

[545] And then if you don't pay it in like two weeks, it immediately jumps to like 150.

[546] You don't pay that for like a week that goes to like 300.

[547] We used to throw them in our glove box.

[548] We're parking your fucking car.

[549] Before that happened, and when I lived in San Francisco, I had a crappy Chevy Vega that like you had to put two quarts of oil in every day and, you know, nothing worked.

[550] But I must have got a thousand tickets the first year I lived in San Francisco.

[551] And I threw them all in the glove box.

[552] And finally a bench warrant was issued and I was had to go up here in front of a judge and at that point this is like 1980 it was like $1 ,500 worth of $5 tickets right or wow and they went like she went like what is your problem and I'm sorry your honor she goes well what are you going to do and I'm like I don't know I don't have any money you know she she went 450 get out of here you know wow so I think I paid it over like a couple months I didn't even have $450 so you know I paid like My car got booted once Got booted because I didn't pay the tickets Parking tickets?

[553] Yeah Did you have to call someone to come unbooted or?

[554] I think I had to go somewhere and pay some money I don't, it was a long time ago It was in the 90s I remember it was in LA I got the boot Yep, in London they take the car up And put it on a truck and take it away Whoa, assholes You can't just take someone's car Because they owe you money A car's worth way more than a fucking parking ticket Yeah, it's astounding I found out the other day I was going through my mail and I had almost thrown it away that I guess when I was on San Diego I went on one of those highways that I guess was a toll road but they don't even tell you or they're they might have told you but it's a real easy to just get on and get off and not even know you're on it they take a picture of your license yeah and it's like you didn't pay and I didn't even know about it and I owe like a lot of money because I didn't you know how much of times I forget now it's because it was like two like two months old or three months old or something like that Oh, so it kept going up again?

[555] Oh, that goes up too?

[556] Yeah.

[557] I got one through Illinois after Christmas.

[558] I did a gig in Bloomington or somewhere, and I went on a toll road, and I was like, did I pay?

[559] You know, I just went through a thing and went like, was I supposed to stop?

[560] Because there was no people manning this thing.

[561] There was no people manning it.

[562] And then, like, there were, I can see there were lanes where people had discs, and I thought, oh, shit, as soon as I went through it.

[563] And sure enough, like, a week later, my wife goes, when were you in?

[564] Carbondale, Illinois, you know, or whatever.

[565] And I went, I was driving from Chicago, and I drove on a tour.

[566] And she's like, well, it's $25 or whatever, you know.

[567] Yeah, that's, uh, that's, that thing what they used to do, would you go through a red light and they would take a picture of your license place.

[568] Isn't that illegal now?

[569] Yeah, that was deemed illegal.

[570] Yeah.

[571] They still use it in West Hollywood and stuff.

[572] Do they still use it?

[573] Yeah.

[574] I see them.

[575] I don't know if they use them, though.

[576] I don't know if they still write tickets because I'm pretty sure they deemed that unconstitutional.

[577] Yeah, they did.

[578] Because it was a third party that was profiting off of it.

[579] It was a private company.

[580] So, like, you really didn't have to pay those tickets.

[581] Like, when you would get one of those tickets and it would say, you ran a red light, we want a hundred bucks.

[582] Like, they were getting the money.

[583] Like, the money wasn't going to the state.

[584] And everybody's like, hey, what the fuck are you doing?

[585] You can't have a private company that also profits from it.

[586] I mean, the state must have gotten a piece of the action.

[587] Sure.

[588] But it was easier for them to just farm it out.

[589] Well, I mean, prisons are privatized.

[590] That's why there's a million, billion, zillion people in prison in this country.

[591] It's not because that many people have done anything worthy of being in prison.

[592] Yeah, and will end the function of that whole system where someone's a winner and someone's a loser.

[593] Like when you see people win, when they win in court and they find Not Guilty, yes!

[594] And that's like the three pointer of all three pointers.

[595] You know, if you're about to go to jail and you're like, remember when O .J. Simpson, when they said Not Guilty and he was like, really?

[596] Really?

[597] Wow.

[598] Really?

[599] Oh, you can see that look on his face.

[600] That guy, I mean, he was trying to play poker, but he hit the lot.

[601] He knew it.

[602] He won.

[603] Three -pointer.

[604] Swish, nothing but net.

[605] Home run.

[606] Over the building, into the parking lot, breaking car windows.

[607] I mean, he won, right?

[608] You can't have winners and losers when it comes to laws and court.

[609] That's just too crazy.

[610] That's weird that he didn't just hide after that.

[611] It was such a huge win that why would you even, wouldn't you just like not leave the house for the rest of your life?

[612] No, he didn't want, I mean, I think he didn't want anybody to think that he was jailed.

[613] He's in jail now for...

[614] He's in jail now for...

[615] He's in jail now for...

[616] I think they called it kidnapping and something along those lines, some armed, something...

[617] But that was the caper in Vegas, right?

[618] That was a thing in Vegas where he was a victim of someone taking his stuff and selling it.

[619] Like, some of his memorabilia got sold by this guy, and he wanted to get his stuff back, so he brought some dudes who brought some guns.

[620] And as soon as that's the case, you're Fuxville.

[621] Yeah.

[622] And the government came in and they go...

[623] dude we've been looking for an excuse to put you away and so they just locked him up but he's fucked it's like you say it my wife and I always say it like when you know how Hollywood is so especially young actresses they get all drugged up they go crazy the next thing you know you've seen a picture of them and then they're in the street upside down and then they stay here and or maybe they go to rehab for a month and we always go move to France move somewhere where they'll appreciate you you're still a star in Europe or whatever matter what and other countries they don't look at it the same way but why stay here under the scrutiny of TMZ and all the people who you know that's big french that fucking rosetta stone is a pain in the ass if you want to really learn french it takes too long they're lazy they want to do coke and get fucked yeah they are lazy i'm like when michael jackson went the shit at the fan he like stayed and you know and you think well eventually country man he did eventually he went to yeah which was like wait what which is really Really weird, because you're going to a slave state, to caterer ship, you know, emirate that's run by royal people who have, there's no, like, you know, democracy.

[624] Like, what was the idea there?

[625] No one gets to vote.

[626] I mean, why the fuck would he move there?

[627] Why?

[628] Does he be protected by rich people that he felt safe?

[629] That must be, right?

[630] That must have been when all the legal shit was hit in the van.

[631] It's a wall of rich people.

[632] God, that's terrifying.

[633] Michael, we will have your back.

[634] And my joke was he's staying at the I'm inside of board.

[635] Boy Hotel, you know.

[636] Oh, the Michael Jackson.

[637] Now I just feel bad about him, you know, like I watch the video sometimes and think, God damn, he really was the fucking gifted, you know.

[638] Oh, yeah, but I mean, how about the fact that it was just, he was made a star when he was a young, young, young boy.

[639] His psyche.

[640] Of course it does.

[641] It's impossible.

[642] You can't go through life learning about the trials and tribulations of being a human being amongst other human beings on earth if you never feel like you're one with all those people around you.

[643] And you know, people go, boo -hoo, cry on all that money, man. Boo -hoo.

[644] Well, I feel about him the same way I feel about, if you've seen that video of those young kids in Baltimore that robbed the RT camera crew, they robbed them on camera.

[645] While all this riding was going on, dude.

[646] Have you seen it?

[647] No. You got to play this.

[648] We got to play this.

[649] These guys from RT, first of all, those people from RT, that's where Abby Martin started out, and they have fucking balls.

[650] I mean, people dismiss RT because it's Russian.

[651] owned but their reporters do some ballsy fucking shit and um they were there while all the protests were going on for the young man what is Freddy what was his name this is the new Ray was it Freddy Gray is that it Ray was it I can't remember I don't remember that this is well it was a young man that was in police custody and there was some discrepancy of how he died and he died from trauma and they think that the police beat this guy to death so there's this huge huge backlash because people can only see so many black dudes get shot by cops or choked by cops or beaten by cops or shot running away unarmed they can only see so much of that and now they've hit this breaking point I hope so I hope this changes things I mean it's got to it's been rolling on since Eric Garner and now what's been rolling on since the fucking beginning of time but you know yeah it's yeah but like everybody who wants there to be no crime.

[652] You've got to think about, like, we will all sympathize with poor Michael Jackson born to this crazy family of entertainers and made famous when he was young and had a predilection allegedly for young boys, his poor fucker and his crazy twisted childhood.

[653] Every day, all across the country in ghettos, there are horrific scenarios playing out that babies are growing up.

[654] And it's not all babies, it's not all poor people, but we're not talking just poor.

[655] We're talking poor that are surrounded by desperate people.

[656] Poor that are surrounded by people that have grown up doing crime.

[657] Like their whole life has been about crime.

[658] Everyone around them is involved in crime.

[659] You're going to run into those people occasionally.

[660] A good percentage of their family's in and out of jail.

[661] Where it seems normal.

[662] It seems rational.

[663] How about that person?

[664] How about that person?

[665] When she's got to go to college when she's 18?

[666] What fucking horrific PTSD does she have?

[667] from growing up in the worst sections of Compton or Inglewood or Watts.

[668] Yeah.

[669] That's why education is more important to spend on the law enforcement, but they don't.

[670] It's even more intense than that.

[671] It has to be taken to a totally different place because it's not education in terms of like come in, sit down, we're going to teach you about George Washington his fucking cherry tree.

[672] It's got to be this like completely invasive supportive system that eliminates ghettos.

[673] Like you have to eliminate them.

[674] If you You don't eliminate ghettos, and I don't mean make it so that they gentrify it, no one can afford living in it, because that's how they eliminate ghettos in like Brooklyn.

[675] There's been plenty of ghettos eliminated in a lot of towns I've lived in.

[676] Oh, New York City has a huge problem with that.

[677] San Francisco.

[678] Because New York, there's so much, the real estate is worth so much, that they could just come in and there's an apartment building that's like old and shitty.

[679] That space is worth ungodly amounts of money.

[680] If they can convert it to high -end apartments, they'll just disappear just like that.

[681] Oh, no. And then people are gone.

[682] No, you mean improved neighborhoods where people live.

[683] Having things like parks and resources.

[684] All the above.

[685] Counseling, community centers.

[686] And even then, how do you get, how do you penetrate the home?

[687] You know, how do you stop horrific childhoods from emerging?

[688] I mean, how do you, but as human beings, it's like, what are we?

[689] We are essentially this giant community of people that denies it's a community.

[690] We have all these methods that we.

[691] we use to keep ourselves apart from each other, whether it's Republican or Democrat or Islamic or Jewish, all these little teams that we choose to.

[692] But at the end of the day, we're all just one giant race, one superorganism.

[693] That's it.

[694] And anything that's counter to that, anything that's like counterintuitive to that idea is unhealthy for us.

[695] Well, what's counterintuitive?

[696] Ignore the worst spots.

[697] Ignore it and get angry at them.

[698] Ignore your Or your cancer that you have in the biological fiber of your being.

[699] Ignore that and get angry at it for being that way.

[700] Well, why don't you pull yourself up by your boot straps there, staff infection?

[701] You know?

[702] I mean, imagine if that's how you looked at like a broken ankle.

[703] You fucking pussy, you look down at your broken ankle.

[704] How about, you know, I'm looking at the left ankle.

[705] Left ankle's fine.

[706] Left ankle's in the same fucking roads you walk.

[707] It's actually a perfect analogy.

[708] If you're running and you break one ankle, you know, does the good ankle go, what, bitch?

[709] I fucking did the same, bro.

[710] Nothing happened to me. This is not how it works.

[711] As a super organism, you can't have places like this scene in Baltimore.

[712] Did you find the video?

[713] Watch this video because you're going to freak the fuck out.

[714] Because let's play, give it a little volume, hopefully our teeth.

[715] So these guys, look at this.

[716] So now you just see these guys running.

[717] He stole her bag and the cops tackled this guy and took the back.

[718] bag back so the cop saved her how ironic wow right how crazy yeah everything in play wow this video highlights a lot of shit doesn't it and it illuminates why you fucking need police okay there you go you just saw why you fucking need police you got your bag back why because the police caught the guy who robbed you on air such a good ending yeah damn I mean, it's a great ending for the police.

[719] That's like a fucking, you would have to think that might be like a viral video.

[720] You know, you might have to think, like, if the police were smart, that's what, that's like the kind of video you pull out.

[721] Have this really super ultra -liberal progressive chick getting robbed by black dudes and then screaming, give me back my bag.

[722] She doesn't once drop an end bomb.

[723] She's not, my cell phone's in there, you nigger.

[724] You know, she doesn't, you know what I'm saying?

[725] Like, she's super progressive probably, really smart, you know, brave journalists going in there.

[726] and she gets saved by cops.

[727] It's crazy.

[728] That's pretty crazy.

[729] I think you're right, though.

[730] Letting the sickness of poverty just go on and on.

[731] In a country where we really do have the money to save everything.

[732] That's real racism.

[733] That's real.

[734] And it's not just racist to black people.

[735] It's racist to a gang of different ethnicities that are just completely ignored.

[736] How about poor Asian communities?

[737] This is a lot of, like, ultra -poor Asian immigrant communities in this country.

[738] Ignored.

[739] Ignored.

[740] Figure it out.

[741] figured out you're on your own.

[742] And I don't even know what the solution would be.

[743] But I think there's a big part of the prison system that's ingrained in these bad neighborhoods.

[744] If you're looking at a bad neighborhood that's just, there's crime has always been there.

[745] So that means police activity has always been there.

[746] So then it becomes like this symbiotic relationship between police activity and crime.

[747] And there's no incentive whatsoever to try to slow it down other than cops dying.

[748] When cops get shot and killed on the job, that that's like when a big push to like sort of settle crime down and usually it's just more arrests yeah I mean that's the no one looks at like the inherent issue there's a there's a giant issue that there's winning and losing shit of arresting people and and punishing them and trying them and they found guilty or not guilty and a yes or a no one a green or a red that be it becomes a game and that game no one in that game wants the game to stop well it's for profit because the Prison systems for profit, and then on top of it, there's no equity at all.

[749] All the bankers, you know, to make a huge analogy, all the bankers and everyone who ruined the economy and everything, none of them did any time, and no one ever laid a hand on them.

[750] But people who commit small crimes and petty crimes are always getting busted and thrown in jail.

[751] Ian Edwards has a brilliant joke about that.

[752] He has a brilliant joke about that.

[753] I don't want to give it away.

[754] I can't even say the punchline, but he's got a brilliant joke about comparison, comparing thugs to bankers.

[755] It's fucking hilarious.

[756] My joke is, no black teenager ever ruined the economy on me, and no black teenager ever invaded Iraq.

[757] I like that you say it with the accentuation, Iraq.

[758] Iraq.

[759] Like, bitch.

[760] That's why the smartest man in the world is like, the, for a lot of the people couldn't pull that off, dude.

[761] Your sense of humor is just like this, you know, there's some, like, unique sort of styles of humor.

[762] Like Brody Stevens is like my favorite example.

[763] Right.

[764] Because the shit that Brody says is only funny if you're Brody Stevens.

[765] But if you're Brody Stevens, it's brilliant.

[766] He was fucking destroying one night, like a month ago at the comedy store.

[767] You know, he does that late night spot after midnight.

[768] You know, like all the comics have already gone up.

[769] The show's been going on since 9 o 'clock.

[770] Everyone's exhausted.

[771] Whoever's there is a glutton for punishment, right?

[772] 20 people in the audience and then comics just start filtering in.

[773] And Brody does like 45 minutes.

[774] I put some of it on Instagram where he's playing drums.

[775] He's got someone singing along with them.

[776] Someone told me about that thing.

[777] He's an animal.

[778] And it's just, it's, it's the Brody show for the last hour of the comedy store.

[779] It's the Brody show when he does it.

[780] It's him and Brian Holtzman.

[781] Those are the masters at that late spot.

[782] And Don Barris, too.

[783] Don Barris is like, Don Barris is like the master of debacle.

[784] Like when, if you want to see something absolutely ridiculous happen in the crowd, late night at the comedy store, if Don Barris is on stage, it's likely to happen.

[785] He's the master that's like becoming the ringleader of the crazies.

[786] he's just so comfortable with crazy people too that's awesome if you have the will to do that you know what I mean to you want to go in late night and strike it down well you know what for Brody that's like the perfect kind of set for him of course it is because he needs to be in the moment he's very environmental yeah yeah but he's a perfect example there there's a video because it's so ridiculous he's playing the drums making kissy faces and he's got a guy out of the audience right next to him playing the tambourine and people don't, you know, there's people in the front row that are from fucking Idaho.

[787] I've come to the world famous comedy store.

[788] They're like, what are we seeing?

[789] But what they're seeing is probably like one of the coolest things you're ever going to get a chance to see.

[790] Right.

[791] It's just completely free form.

[792] This one dude is just really entertaining and just having fun, off the cuff constantly, you know.

[793] That place is so addicting to go to, man. I had to take a night off last night just hanging out the comedy story.

[794] They have that new bar open now in the back Oh, did it open?

[795] Yeah, and it's like this...

[796] The new green room bar?

[797] Yeah, it's like this really cool little VIP bar and then they're just cleaning it up.

[798] It's amazing how that new GM has just really taking control of that place.

[799] Adam's a bad motherfucker.

[800] Yeah, we knew him from back in the Tempey improv days.

[801] He's always been cool as shit.

[802] Who is it?

[803] Adam.

[804] Aaron.

[805] Yeah, Eric and Adam.

[806] Well, who started?

[807] Who's the big cheese over there?

[808] Eric.

[809] Eric is the big cheese.

[810] I don't even know.

[811] Adam is the what?

[812] uh booking general manager type duties yeah he started yeah it's just like they needed people that had some experiencing comedy clubs that weren't crazy and they never got that before everybody that used to run the comedy store was completely out of their fucking mind you know and adam is just such a laid back easy -going dude he has like a great relationship with comics like all the comics that know him like it's always like what's up dude's like a genuine friendship sort of relationship with him.

[813] He does the Norm MacDonald show, and he also works with Norm McDonald also, so he's like friends with the comics.

[814] Yeah, but he's just a good dude, just a good dude to have around, too.

[815] He's fun.

[816] Like, you genuinely like to see him, which wasn't the case for that place.

[817] Ever!

[818] You know, it's a weird spot, man. It's still there.

[819] It's still right there on sunset, east of La Cianiga, in the craziest spot in all of the world of entertainment.

[820] That's strip.

[821] That's where the whiskey is, where Hendricks used to play and the doors used to fucking throw down.

[822] I mean, that's right down the street from where River Phoenix died.

[823] You know, that's up the street, man. That one, that's the Roxy where Sam Kinnison filmed his HBO special, and it's right next door to the Rainbow Bar and Grill, which is like, you want to go back in time.

[824] You want to go to the 80s?

[825] You want to live that shit?

[826] They're there!

[827] They're fucking drunk as shit.

[828] They're having a good time.

[829] That's a wild -ass part of the country, not just part of town.

[830] Yeah, it is.

[831] I don't play the store in ages.

[832] I remember seeing you outside there once, and you were videotaping.

[833] Is the back room still all red and Coke Denny?

[834] The back room.

[835] Oh, you like the green room, behind the comedy store?

[836] Yeah, behind the main room, rather.

[837] Yeah, it's all weird.

[838] He's still like red and white walls and all that.

[839] Yeah, it's got weird, like, old -school neon shit and a fake piano.

[840] The fake piano, which has probably seen more lines cut on.

[841] I was going to say, how many rails?

[842] Any object in the known universe.

[843] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[844] And now one of the legs is broken.

[845] So, like, if you lean on it and you have, like, a big pile of cocaine, it just flies on the floor.

[846] Oh, no. Wasting cocaine.

[847] Sam Kinnison is rolling in his grave.

[848] I know.

[849] There was always these crazy rumors, too, that there's a tunnel from the back of the comedy store.

[850] It goes under the comedy store, and it goes up to Crest Hill, where they had the comics house.

[851] Because when they bought the house, they bought the comedy store together as one package.

[852] Because it was, like, Bugsy Seagull's place.

[853] Right.

[854] So they used to live, like, right up on Crest Hill.

[855] Or somebody used to And then sneak under And there's a fucking tunnel So like if the fuzz is here What do you want to do Mickey We're gonna get in the tunnel Fuck those pigs And they get in the tunnel And just run up to the hill Tucked themselves in the bed What officer I've been in bed this whole evening The very notion Back then there's no DNA They couldn't No of course it wasn't Touch this doorknob stupid What?

[856] There's an essence of you On the doorknob See we brought it back around Yeah The DNA at the comedy store and coke on that table I'm sure there's residue from the Did you ever do the cocaine?

[857] Craig Proops I have done Have you?

[858] I have I'm not doing it now But I have to Did you ever go through a period With it went I don't think I should do this stuff anymore No because it was never I never seriously did it a lot Because it's not I'm more of a pot head It was The feeling jacked Wasn't For me it's I have to drink gallons of vodka If I do cocaine and I'll drink anyway, yeah, because I can't sleep.

[859] Oh, just to kind of calm you down?

[860] You know, like, basically Coke is there so you can drink as much as you can humanly get down.

[861] My joke was, because you go to the dealer, so I used to do a long routine about cocaine because George Bush said, W. Bush said he didn't remember.

[862] Whether or not he did Coke?

[863] Yes, someone said, did you do cocaine?

[864] He goes, I don't remember.

[865] And I was like, oh, you remember if you did Coke.

[866] There's no forgetting it, even if he just did it once.

[867] And then I said, elaborate measures have to be enacted.

[868] First of all, my distinct recollection is you have to go to an asshole's house.

[869] And then he tells you about the quality of it.

[870] And you're like, quality, I've debased myself by being here.

[871] I would snort Drano off a fucking midget right now.

[872] I go, let's get this going.

[873] I got a night to ruin.

[874] Then someone drags you face down a stair.

[875] You go to Denny's and spend the whole time barfing in the bathroom because you can't eat.

[876] someone drags your face down the stairs and you call someone you booty call someone at 4 in the morning that you met at a Yaz concert in 1994.

[877] Whoa.

[878] That's a strong booty call.

[879] That's a Hail Mary.

[880] That's just disingenuous to say you don't remember doing cocaine.

[881] Well, it's disingenuous because you would remember whether or not you have done it.

[882] Because if you haven't done it, you'd remember all the time, I've never done coke.

[883] Because that comes up.

[884] If you have a conversation with people, Once a year, someone will say, hey, have you ever tried Quayludes?

[885] You're like, no, I never fucked with that.

[886] I don't fuck with pills.

[887] Like, what about, yeah?

[888] Yeah, like dudes always have those sort of conversation.

[889] Or women, I'm sure, have those conversations, too.

[890] And you would know whether or not you don't cook.

[891] There's a decision involved in taking care.

[892] There's this elaborate ritual that goes on with it.

[893] There's all the chopping and talking about it and acting like it's important and it's, because it's expensive.

[894] And, yeah, that's not like saying, you know, have you ever had a shot of wild turkey.

[895] Right.

[896] You could conceivably go, I don't remember.

[897] I don't remember.

[898] I might have.

[899] Right.

[900] What's a difference?

[901] What's Jim Beam?

[902] Is that wild hurt?

[903] Is that different shit?

[904] You know, you'd have those conversations.

[905] Like, that makes sense.

[906] But not.

[907] I don't remember whether or not I did go.

[908] Get the fuck out of here, bitch.

[909] Do you remember whether or not you've ever had a drink of alcohol?

[910] I don't remember.

[911] What?

[912] Yeah.

[913] Fuck the fuck the fuck that.

[914] No, you either did or you don't.

[915] It can be fun.

[916] But I think when you base the night around it and everything becomes we have to do more and more.

[917] And then at the end of the night, when there's no more.

[918] And then it's a sad time.

[919] That's always the sad part, just like, it's not a positive drug that way, whereas pot, at a certain point, you're going to pull the rip cord because you're just too high or you fall asleep or...

[920] You're tired.

[921] Or we all go to Taco Bell or whatever it is, you know.

[922] It's a different kind of tire, too.

[923] Yeah.

[924] You know, I've never done coke, but the stimulants, any kind of stimulant.

[925] Oh, you're wrecked the next day.

[926] You're wrecked.

[927] I did ecstasy, which is, like, very much like a stimulant.

[928] Yeah.

[929] Especially, I think the shit I had was probably not 100 % pure, because I've heard people say that if you don't, if, like, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you're.

[930] don't try it like pure you really don't know what the actual effects are it's a speedy yeah well it wasn't to me it didn't it was definitely awake i definitely stayed awake for a long fucking time yeah but uh i didn't think it was that speedy but then someone told me that's like really frequently cut with it i'm like well how do you know you're getting it from a drug dealer right and that's inherently like a big part of the problem right you're getting it illegally so you're it's you're at risk you don't really know what the fuck you're doing with if you buy it if you buy it from someone in a bar or something then you're completely taking it on faith that that there have the goodwill to not poison you yeah well that's what i was gonna well i was gonna ask you about the difference between stuff that's cut and stuff that's not cut i don't think i've ever had rock star stuff you know i hear stories about it that you know i've had friends who've done coke with famous people and junk and they go oh it was so pure and it was so good and evidently then you don't sweat and act like an asshole evidently then you're the life of the goddamn party in your erudite lighting ladies cigarettes and quipping off bone mows and absolutely being the event of the season.

[931] No, I think whenever you're doing it, it's just because you want to get jacked and drink a bunch and then be a ass.

[932] Or you're hanging out with a girl and you're like, oh, come here, I got cocaine.

[933] Yeah, there's not the luring people to you with code.

[934] I think that's rape.

[935] That's technically kind of rapy.

[936] No. These days.

[937] Put a little quick in there, like chocolate quick to make it chocolate cocaine.

[938] The chicks love that.

[939] Wow.

[940] Yeah.

[941] These are some tips like cocaine tip right there.

[942] Chocolate cocaine.

[943] Are you being serious?

[944] Yeah, just makes a little bit of quick in there.

[945] And it tastes like.

[946] It smells like chocolate when you snort it.

[947] Girls love that.

[948] Have you actually done this?

[949] What?

[950] Yes.

[951] You ever take fruit loops and coat them with ecstasy?

[952] No, that's too elaborate.

[953] What I was going to ask is, is there a difference between, like, needing alcohol when you have cut coke to not cut coke?

[954] Because you remember Tom Sawyer from Cobbs in San Francisco?

[955] As well as I remember anyone, I'm sending him a copy of the book tomorrow, in fact, with an elaborate inscription.

[956] Tell him, I said, hello.

[957] I will.

[958] But he always used to talk about rock star Coke, like it was the god.

[959] damn like it was that's what he'd say yeah that's where i got the expression yeah but he would talk about doing it with like kinnison or rock stars he did it with like a bunch of like maybe maybe was robin might have been robin whoever the fuck he did it with but he would talk about how it was like it was like the best asian massage ever with a built -in happy ending no no question's asked and you just sleep like a baby afterwards he made it sound like this wonderful experience that you needed to try and then afterwards the big thing is like you could just go to bed no problem you can go asleep like how the fuck is that possible I guess because I don't know because is it a completely, I don't know like what the properties are, but I'm assuming it's since it's a numbing agent, it's an analgesic or like an anesthetic almost.

[960] So really it's getting stepped on with this crappy speed and other shit that the additives is what jacks you, I'm guessing.

[961] Yeah, but I've never like if you went to a pharmacy, what a pharmacist would have would be pharmaceutical cocaine and that would be very pure.

[962] And then that's an experiment.

[963] Let's let's get a pharmacist on the show, Joe.

[964] Did you know that Coca -Cola still uses Coca -Leaves?

[965] Yeah.

[966] Isn't that amazing?

[967] It's part of their flavor.

[968] I don't think Pepsi does, but Coca -Cola uses actual cocoa leaves, and they extract medical -grade cocaine from it, and then they, like, the same company that does this for Coca -Cola, they also sell medical -grade cocaine to, like, hospitals and shit.

[969] Is a numbing agent?

[970] I don't know what they use it for, man. I don't understand, but apparently there's medicinal use them.

[971] It doesn't have anything to do Make you invent psychoanalysis What is the stuff that they Lytocaine?

[972] Like Lytocaine is like Cocaine's Autistic brother I don't think I've never had Maybe if I'd done the Rockstar Coke I'd be advocating it more To me it always just seemed like the people who did it Whenever the people that I wanted to roll with them Okay you'll line the inside of the mouth Nose and throat mucous membranes before certain medical Well huh I wonder why Decreases bleeding and swelling yeah So it's actual cocaine, not lidocaine.

[973] No, that's interesting.

[974] Cocaine hydrochloride, huh?

[975] Wow.

[976] I don't know if you remember that one person I hung out with that used to do liquid cocaine.

[977] And it was just like a little spray bottle, like a Flonase bottle.

[978] You just like, that's how you did it.

[979] You're just trying to get it into your membrane as quickly as possible.

[980] And by putting it in liquid, you're absolutely.

[981] What kind of liquid would you put it into that?

[982] You could just spray into your nose like that.

[983] No, that's how it came.

[984] It came like that.

[985] Like atomizer.

[986] Sprayed on it.

[987] Wow.

[988] That's why.

[989] I wonder if it has a shelf life.

[990] That might be worth trying.

[991] I don't know.

[992] Like I said, the older I get to, I don't want my heart to explode or anything, you know.

[993] Well, the real issue that they say is with the way they process cocaine from the coca leaves.

[994] But that coca leaves themselves are not only not dangerous for you, but really common and kind of healthy.

[995] I mean, they have like phytonutrients and there's some properties.

[996] Certainly, they've chewed it for thousands of years in South of America.

[997] But it rots the holy fuck out of your teeth, son.

[998] It rots the holy fuck out of your teeth.

[999] You see those dudes that chew those cocoa leaves all the time?

[1000] It might be because they like doing coca leaves so much they don't ever bother brushing.

[1001] Yeah, they probably don't have really good dental care if they're chewing on.

[1002] It's possible.

[1003] That's how they built the ink empire because it's a mild stimulant and you just stick it in your cheek like chew.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] And you just keep it in there.

[1006] And it allows you, because it restricts the blood vessels to work at higher altitudes more.

[1007] You know, there's all these.

[1008] Yeah.

[1009] They were able to build massive cities and inconceivable architecture at precarious, fucking lofty heights all through the empire for thousands of miles.

[1010] And it was certain that they're all the workers.

[1011] Well, that's one of those.

[1012] Chew it daily, you know.

[1013] Yeah, without a doubt.

[1014] I mean, that's a really common thing today.

[1015] And the people who pick it, they don't snort it, they chew it, right?

[1016] Yeah, they're all chew it.

[1017] It's, like, really common.

[1018] Like, they have these bags of it, and they hand it to each other.

[1019] and they take it and they grab it and they stuff it in their mouth like look how much this guy's got stuffed in his face like a giant squirrel person you know that's what they do i mean if you were climbing in the andes and you wanted to i think feel better and not have altitude sickness the cocaine alleviates yeah for us who are not who are land bound but it's not cocaine you know you really it's it's not cocaine it's cocaine leaves yeah it's coca it's coca lees Coca cocaine is the extracted form that's unnatural and it is fucked the same way sugar's fucked like when you take sugar like regular sugar and you pour it on your frosted flakes you're just poisoning yourself you're just giving yourself sugar it tastes awesome don't get me wrong I'm not hating but you're giving yourself it's like a toxin at that level it's toxic it's bad it's actually bad for your body it can diminish your body's performance your body your insulin levels get all fucking out of whack your body's like what you're body's like what you're What is this?

[1020] Because you're not supposed to have sugar in that form.

[1021] It's supposed to come attached to fiber and watermelon and apples and all these different fruits that we normally get sugar from.

[1022] It's supposed to be, there's like a relationship that these nutrients and the various aspects of food all have to the actual piece of food that they come from.

[1023] When you just extract one, you know, good part of it, like sugar or cocaine.

[1024] like you're taking it out of the whole symbiotic plant system that's very interesting though because isn't that like the story I just read this book I can't remember what it's called six drinks in the history of the world and six drinks and they talked a lot about Coca -Cola in it look at that shit sugar's addictive as I bet it is and the brain scans sugar it's the refining of everything and the extracting of everything that's changed the world right like sugar is a giant moment in human history When sugar becomes important, because then rum becomes important, then slavery and taking over the new world.

[1025] And, you know, the whole history of the new world is built on cocaine and sugar.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] For sure.

[1028] I mean, there's definitely good and bad with all sorts of things that have ruined all sorts of aspects of our world.

[1029] I mean, for a long time, people go to war for salt.

[1030] Absolutely.

[1031] Salt precedes sugar as the big item that everybody has to have salt.

[1032] Gandhi's first march was to the salt marshals because that's what he's protesting the British.

[1033] Fuck.

[1034] It's salt's a key ingredient in human history and people still say it and now I'm getting boring but I was just going to say when they used to pay, they paid people in salt and you're worth your salt.

[1035] The reason, do you know why they do it?

[1036] Do you know what salt?

[1037] The properties of salt?

[1038] What it's good for?

[1039] It absolutely replenishes your body when you're, you know, working out and I guess the sodium is some sort of no, go on, tell me because I'm just fumbling around.

[1040] No, those are all good, but the big one is a preservation of food.

[1041] Right.

[1042] If you can take meat and you cover it in salt, and fish especially, you cover it in salt, it'll prevent bacteria from growing.

[1043] Right.

[1044] Yeah, so they would literally layer these fish filets in stacks of salt.

[1045] Like, they would put salt, put the fish down, cover the fish with salt, put a filet down, cover that with salt, and they would be fine for days.

[1046] Yeah, yeah.

[1047] Months, you could ship, that's how all food was kept in those.

[1048] Would it really last for months?

[1049] Well, that horrible stuff that all the, you know, that they used to eat on cod, salt cod and salt pork, right?

[1050] You salt the dickens out of a pork and then just keep it forever.

[1051] But they didn't have refrigeration, right?

[1052] So salt provided refrigeration for 10 ,000 zillion years.

[1053] It was how you kept food.

[1054] Yeah, I mean, it was, like people can't, to this day go, what do you just pour your salt on your french fries?

[1055] People go to war for that shit?

[1056] It's a condiment.

[1057] You don't go to war for condiments, but that's not what it was.

[1058] It was like going to wall for refrigerators.

[1059] Very much so.

[1060] In ancient Rome, the big salt.

[1061] was this fish sauce that tastes a lot like Vietnamese fish sauce very salty and brown and it was like rendered fish that they let sit and then they threw salt in it but it kept Wow you kept you could you could have it on your shelf for a couple of weeks which in the ancient world You're buying food every day you're taking your bread to the baker the baker breaks that you bring it back you know all of it has to be done on the day right you have chicken or whatever You're not going to the supermarket and putting shit in a fridge for a billion years so yeah you don't have a deep freezer we need you keep pot pie Salt is, like you said, the world fought over salt for ages and ages.

[1062] It's amazing to think about today.

[1063] People were forced to work in salt mines and died in them.

[1064] That was like a huge punishment for ages.

[1065] There's a mountain in, is it Germany?

[1066] There's a mountain of salt.

[1067] Wow.

[1068] And it's been reduced now to, yeah.

[1069] There's a book called salt and it's very good.

[1070] Will you look up the book called salt, the guy who wrote it?

[1071] And they reduced it just because the world's need for salt?

[1072] Yeah, they dug it all down.

[1073] Wow.

[1074] Like there was a, there's two mountains, one in south, America I can't remember the other in Mexico's it in Potosi and yeah there it is salt a world history yeah you really like it man because he breaks it down and he shows you the salt mines and there's pictures of the salt mountain and and it is un fucking believable I mean we were talking earlier today we were talking earlier today about not having a smartphone what a big leap that would be to go back to a flip phone but look at the fuck people fought over salt that is so alien to us is that right the reason why Columbus was There it is.

[1075] The reason why Columbus was a mountain of salt came, and I always talk about Columbus on your bloody show, but even Magellan, when he went around the world, he sent five ships, they lost all of them.

[1076] They finally came back with one, three years later, right?

[1077] Three years later, a crappy ship with 18 guys sailed back in.

[1078] Well, it had all been underwritten by a businessman from Germany, right, who underwrote Magellan's voyage.

[1079] There was enough spice in that ship to pay for the whole trip.

[1080] a three -year trip and losing 300 guys and five ships or whatever, four ships.

[1081] Whoa.

[1082] Because they brought back, I don't know what they wanted on that one, nutmeg or whatever it was.

[1083] And they had to go all the way around the world to the East Indies.

[1084] No electricity.

[1085] But see, that was the difference, was Magellan was going to prove you could go that way.

[1086] Right, right, right, right.

[1087] Because usually they went around India and the horn.

[1088] And so that's how valuable it was.

[1089] And that's why Portugal and Spain were such giant powers, the big spice.

[1090] And then when Spain took over the new world, there was a mountains of gold, one in South America and a mountain of silver, I mean, a mountain of silver.

[1091] Wow.

[1092] That they made the Indians and killed them all doing it, dig out, and all the gold and silver in Asia is still in circulation is like Spanish gold.

[1093] Whoa.

[1094] Dug out of the new world.

[1095] That's insane.

[1096] There was a literal mountain of it.

[1097] One in South America and one in Mexico.

[1098] That's incredible.

[1099] A mountain.

[1100] Fuck, it's not that long ago either.

[1101] You know, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

[1102] That's not that long ago, man. That's crazy.

[1103] That's why Spain has had money and why giant.

[1104] And then comes the, what you will call it, the Reformation and after the Inquisition and now Europe becomes Europe.

[1105] And they all start fighting each other.

[1106] and it's it's really truly amazing what a small amount of time that is in terms of like in perspective with the human history human history just even perspective with everybody wants to go to the beginning of the universe 13 .7 billion whatever else but we don't even have to go that far let's go to biological life yeah and then human beings have been around just a small amount of time and in that small amount of time the amount of change that we've seen just in 200 years is so mind -blowing and we're talking about like going back to flip phones being like some big big fuck up I can't believe I couldn't do it I can't do it Why don't I just wrote two sticks together?

[1107] Dude I need periscope I'm periscoping all the time It's huge for my career You could go back to salt Keeping your food alive with salt I'm gonna start lining everything There's gonna be an asshole out there that does it I bet there's assholes out there doing it right now Oh yeah there are guys who make their own axes and shit There's chisinal everything That's kind of the good thing about now Now you get to see people, what the things you thought we lost, like, you know, blacksmiths and saddlemakers are back and making stuff, you know, like everybody's relearning all these old crafts, how to be a, no one knows how to like, you know, boil metal or whatever and be, you know, make all those ancient things that were so necessary.

[1108] If you didn't have blacksmiths, 250 years ago in this country, even 100 years ago, wagon wheels, everything, horses, you know.

[1109] Your guns, the tongs, the tools you worked with, you had to take it into him, and he'd fix it, and he'd give it back to you.

[1110] There's something really cool about that.

[1111] When armies carried swords and spears, I mean...

[1112] On paper, there's something really cool about that, right?

[1113] Someone in your group had to be a metal worker.

[1114] You know what I mean?

[1115] Someone in your unit worked metal, and you'd heat up a thing at night and bang, bang, bang, fix everybody's guns.

[1116] Yeah.

[1117] There was a guy who made your furniture.

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] There was a guy who chopped the wood and sawed it down and make your table.

[1120] Yep.

[1121] By hand, baby.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] Wow.

[1124] And everybody's table was slightly different Because they really were just marking it with pencils And sawing into the wood And you can see it sometimes when you go to places Like when they have, you know, artisans making I don't know I'm not gonna go to a Revolutionary War Village To watch them churn better or nothing but I don't like like super stupid old school Making shit with your hands But I love when I love watching people make shit That I don't even give a fuck about it Like violins I don't play the violin But I watch some show about them making violin and the wood did they choose and the harmonics of the wood and the I mean when you look at a really truly expensive violin I mean that is a goddamn functional work of art oh absolutely I don't even I don't even I don't play any instruments no and I think the musicians who buy those hot high end ones are reverent about their they definitely wax them down and you know keep them in shape and the moisture's an issue you can't you know store it in a crappy place and it can't get bounced around and Well, I was at Conan with Sturgle Simpson.

[1125] Sturgle Simpson's a friend of mine.

[1126] He's a country music guy, and he was performing on the show, and they asked him if he wanted to put his guitar out there early so that it can acclimate to the temperature in that room.

[1127] Because they keep the room where they film...

[1128] Like, 65 degrees.

[1129] Keep it chilly, so that everybody's like, woo, it gives you a little bit more energy as an audience.

[1130] Like, the worst thing you want is people are really warm and really tired.

[1131] Yeah, so you give it.

[1132] him like a little bit of a chill and that's like some old school david letterbin trick right so they put his guitar out there early so it could get you and then they have to tune it again so you have to go out there you have to play with it and you have to know where it should be for every single note and you're twisting those little things on top and i'm like the wood itself moves and changes in 10 20 minutes that's the humidity of the room that's fucking bananas isn't that is so crazy to think that it's so specialized and they can't make he was telling me that you can't make a really good guitar out of anything other than wood just doesn't sound right they can make some electric ones out of like plex a glass and shit but it's a different sort of a thing but even they're not as good like you want wood right and they're still there's the ones that are all metal you know but yeah no wood it wood is the one i don't know i met i met a guy who made guitars for people and he you know he looked exactly like you think he would with ponytail in a beard and you know like he's in the hobbit and that's all he did.

[1133] I was with John Paul Jones from Welled Zeppelin or whatever.

[1134] He was in them Cricket vultures with Dave Grohl and I got to meet him and he introduces me to this fellow and he's like, well, who's this guy?

[1135] And he's like, he makes mandolins.

[1136] Whoa.

[1137] And I'm like, oh, and he's no, he's my friend.

[1138] I brought him along with me. He makes guitars and mandolins and that's what I play.

[1139] Wow.

[1140] Yeah.

[1141] That's all he did.

[1142] And then people have like this really intense relationship with the guy who makes their guitar.

[1143] Like, I know dudes who have acoustic guitars from, like, famous makers.

[1144] They become friends of that famous maker.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] You know, this is a pool cue thing, too.

[1147] Pool cues, which are also, they can't figure out a way to make them really good at anything other than wood.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] It's interesting that, and they have relationship to the makers, like, guys who play with certain guys' cues.

[1150] Sure.

[1151] You're like, look, it's really close friendship with this guy who makes your cue.

[1152] But the, um, it's interesting to me that, like, they haven't, no one's been able to figure out in all the years that we've, been manufacturing things, something that's better than something that just grows in the ground, that's a trip for guitars, for pool cues, drumsticks.

[1153] Just for this table, man. This table feels good.

[1154] Like, when I put my hand on this table and I feel the grain of it and I move, like, this is like, I think this table makes a better conversation.

[1155] I really do.

[1156] I think if this, if there was this plastic thing here with like one of the fermica top, I think we'd feel less comfortable.

[1157] No, then you're in a break room.

[1158] Then you're not meant to stay.

[1159] You're meant to blow after 15 minutes.

[1160] Well, even these bricks.

[1161] These bricks are bullshit.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] But they're not bullshit.

[1164] They're actual bricks.

[1165] There's a slice.

[1166] They take a brick and they veneer it.

[1167] Oh, really?

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] And then they put a wooden, a metal sheet up.

[1170] And then they put the spackle in or whatever the fuck it is.

[1171] And then they put the bricks in.

[1172] They lay them one at a time individually.

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] Like, it's not like a, like a wallpaper.

[1175] It's an actual, they're actual bricks.

[1176] But to me, I was like, I know that's real.

[1177] See, if I go back there and touch that, that feels like a real organic thing.

[1178] Right, and bricks are, you know, what, mud and composite and all sorts of shit thrown into a mold.

[1179] You still have to mold them.

[1180] They're all irregular.

[1181] I would have a wooden floor if I own this place.

[1182] I would change it.

[1183] I would turn the floor.

[1184] Wouldn't it be too noisy for studio?

[1185] Who gives a fuck?

[1186] Let it echo.

[1187] Let it echo.

[1188] I would feel better.

[1189] I would feel better with like shit that's like, like, like, orchestrated.

[1190] I agree.

[1191] I agree.

[1192] Like if you could be in a grow room, that would be the ultimate conversation.

[1193] If you could just do a podcast, a video podcast from a grow room without going to jail or without getting your place stormed by people that, you know, know there's a million dollars with the plants there.

[1194] You're already getting me put in jail with all your questions today.

[1195] Not true.

[1196] We live in a new day.

[1197] Like if you could go to one of those Warren Buffett owned grow rooms in Colorado with like five indoor acres, they have like five indoor acre ones at this.

[1198] this dude I know works out.

[1199] And they have two levels.

[1200] There's an upper and a lower.

[1201] Colorado's taking shit to the next level, son.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] I just got back from Denver.

[1204] That is the beginning.

[1205] That is the beginning for the whole country.

[1206] The whole country is going to become that.

[1207] The whole country is going to become just like Colorado, because they're going to get addicted to the revenue, and then they're going to get addicted to the behavior.

[1208] The revenue is one thing, but you go to Colorado right now, you have less drunk driving accidents, you have less violent, crime, you have the lowest incident of DUIs in something like 25 years.

[1209] There's all sorts of positive benefits to what the fuck's going on there.

[1210] You're almost answering the next question, which is why it isn't happening everywhere.

[1211] It's like, well, if they're going to sell less alcohol, then there's definitely forces that don't want them to sell.

[1212] Well, not only that, you've got to worry about criminals.

[1213] I know someone who has a set up where he has Blackwater -type dudes.

[1214] There's these dudes that have bulletproof vests and they walk around with machine guns and they're outside of this grow room because they're dealing with millions of dollars in cash, millions.

[1215] And the banking laws, the next thing.

[1216] Because the banking laws are still archaic.

[1217] They're dealing on a cash basis in Colorado.

[1218] You pay cash money, like you do here in California.

[1219] So every dispensary has, you know, got way too much money inside because they can't use credit cards.

[1220] And then what do they do when they take it to the bank?

[1221] Banks don't accept more than $10 ,000.

[1222] Yeah.

[1223] Well, that's also what's going on with these asset forfeiture laws that are also being, One of them got overturned.

[1224] Well, we say Tennessee, we talked about the other day.

[1225] It got overturned in Tennessee where they were stealing people's money, man. People were driving somewhere, like, say, if you wanted to buy a car, and you had $7 ,000 on you and you left your house with like this money that you saved for a long time, if they pull you over and they go, why do you have $7 ,000 on you?

[1226] And you're like, well, I'm going to buy a car.

[1227] I'm like, the fuck out of here.

[1228] They would just take that money, and then you would have to prove somehow.

[1229] Isn't that theft?

[1230] It is theft.

[1231] It's not only just theft, but they would spend that money.

[1232] It doesn't even goes into a bank vault.

[1233] They spent it in the most ironic way.

[1234] They bought a fucking margarita machine.

[1235] And they were using this margarita machine at a cop party.

[1236] So you used the drug money.

[1237] If you thought someone was selling drugs, you took it.

[1238] And then you bought a fucking margarita machine with this to give yourself legal drugs.

[1239] You took drug money to buy some drug machines.

[1240] It's unbelievably gross.

[1241] That's ridiculous.

[1242] Yeah.

[1243] Well, that's part of what they were.

[1244] were doing in California with the medical marijuana medical marijuana is a state legal thing so these places were following all the state laws they got licenses to open they opened up they even went through this whole dispute where they said look a lot of you are too close to schools you got to close down there's all these legislation that got passed and a lot of pot stores had to get closed down even after that the DEA came in they jackbooted these fucking kids that were working there there's one where this guy stepping on this kid's neck the kid is totally being compliant They got him zip tied on the ground.

[1245] He steps on his neck when he gets off of him.

[1246] I mean, it's fucked up to what?

[1247] I get enraged when I see that.

[1248] I want to beat the fuck out of that guy for doing that.

[1249] It's just so horrible.

[1250] And I think if that was your son or your daughter, some 20 -year -old college kid who gets their head stepped on by some fucking cunt, well, they would steal the money.

[1251] And then they would say that the charges are pending and never file.

[1252] So that three quarters of a million dollars that they stole from your pot place, And you're making $20 an hour or whatever working there.

[1253] And they're stepping on your fucking neck and zip tying your wrists until you have cuts on them.

[1254] You know, for what?

[1255] And you're not even violating a fucking federal law.

[1256] Well, the last head of the DEA just resigned.

[1257] And that woman was very bad about pot.

[1258] She was awful.

[1259] Look at this number.

[1260] Look at this number.

[1261] In 2012, Texas law enforcement and prosecutors ended the year with 143 ,000, million dollars in their forfeiture accounts 143 million 40 ,730 and 74 this is what's wrecked about everything that is unbelievable so that this is one year the state of Texas law enforcement preying on the people of state of Texas stealing from the people stealing 143 million dollars just in the year I'm sorry I interrupted you about that DEA late late not at all what's ironic is that she got put on do you know what What took her down?

[1262] A prostitution party.

[1263] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1264] The DEA had.

[1265] They were hiring hookers.

[1266] Like the Secret Service.

[1267] They had a little fun.

[1268] Yeah, the Secret Service and the DEA were having fun.

[1269] And another coach, what the fuck?

[1270] Leave them alone.

[1271] She got taken down for that, and she's not very progressive.

[1272] And I'm hoping that the new attorney general is.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] Blame for handling of agent sex parties with hookers.

[1275] Can't they just have a little fun off the job?

[1276] You fucking nannies.

[1277] You goddamn nannies.

[1278] As long as they weren't using state money.

[1279] I mean, where did the money?

[1280] What money were they using?

[1281] The DEA is not exactly the most organized division of our government.

[1282] Well, we've played that.

[1283] Was it Jared Polis, was the representative of Colorado who's grilling her on what is more addictive marijuana or crystal meth?

[1284] What is more addictive marijuana or heroin?

[1285] What is worse for you?

[1286] I think that all drugs, and he just kept asking her, what is worse?

[1287] Is marijuana as bad as crystal meth?

[1288] Can you just answer that?

[1289] I think all illegal drugs are bad.

[1290] It's like the most maddening fucking bureaucratic red tape horseshit conversation.

[1291] Right.

[1292] She absolutely never fess up.

[1293] How did she have a job?

[1294] Washington went legal basically, decriminalized.

[1295] Washington.

[1296] Right around her.

[1297] So looking out the window of her office, denying the reality that's going on right in front of her.

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] And not only that, denying all of the medical studies that have all been.

[1300] completed turned in peer reviewed observed by everyone on the internet it's not like a it's not some crazy conspiracy no and it's not like a mystery that pot's not bad for you i mean and whatever negative effects that they've attributed to it my god you saw that bloody diarrhea commercial we've already talked about this not everybody has the same reaction to all sorts of different things in your body but when it comes to like the most mild of mild when you look at the worst case in for reaction for pot.

[1301] God damn, it's pretty mild.

[1302] You'll probably fall asleep.

[1303] A few people seem to have issues with, like, what?

[1304] They can't stop smoking pot.

[1305] Guess what?

[1306] People have issues with scratch tickets.

[1307] Okay?

[1308] They have issues with speeding.

[1309] There's people that can't go the speed limit.

[1310] They have an addiction to, like, pushing the limit.

[1311] Like, they want to just go, just, I can't go.

[1312] It's not even that they're in a rush.

[1313] It's just they have this weird addiction to doing something that's naughty.

[1314] I'm just, I can't stop it And they'll get 15, 16 fucking speeding tickets, lose their license They can't slow down They can't, it's not a Sammy Hagar song They're real human beings Right?

[1315] People are addicted to all kinds of shit That's why like a lady like that It's really dangerous Having a person like that testifying on TV If you don't have a guy like Jared Paulus A guy who just grills her And makes her look like a fool And doesn't do it I mean he's not being an asshole about it He's not being mean or he's not pointing fingers And yelling and using hyperbole and theater.

[1316] Shocking use of the post, though.

[1317] I mean, they make you the head of the DEA and you're supposed to be in a semi -progressive government.

[1318] And who do you report to?

[1319] The president or Eric Holder or whoever it is?

[1320] But that's the hustle.

[1321] The hustle is that this is a semi -progressive government.

[1322] There's no such thing.

[1323] They don't exist anymore.

[1324] They don't.

[1325] You can't get in there if you're semi -progressive.

[1326] You just can't.

[1327] You can put on the semi -progressive t -shirt when you're running for office.

[1328] But when they had to redact all that shit from the hope and change or whatever the fuck his website was about whistleblowers when people after the Edward Snowden thing were like hey man do you remember what you said that you were going to honor them and they were important part of the process and blah blah blah yeah what the fuck and they just pulled all that stuff it's all it's a dance it's a dance everyone essentially who gets into office has the same master they all have the same master oh no question of that but I think we were saying about pot the thing people are going to get addicted to is the money yeah The Colorado model is so successful, and I've been to Washington State, too, and it's just spinning money for them.

[1329] And I said, on my show last week, they can't have a bake sale and make this money.

[1330] The state, that kind of revenue is, like, found.

[1331] And I said, and you don't have to open a casino.

[1332] You know, it keeps that.

[1333] I mean, it's just, I don't know, I find it a lot more acceptable and progressive than building casinos and bars everywhere.

[1334] Well, you know, when you see the ebb and the tide of society, and you see, you know, at one point in time, the Republicans were the really open -minded progressive party.

[1335] That was a long time ago.

[1336] That was what a Republican was.

[1337] What a Republican was was totally different than what a Democrat was.

[1338] It was almost like polar opposites.

[1339] And another thing that you're seeing today, really lately, like it seems like over the last few years, is like the people who are progressive probably as a reaction to all the assholery that they had a deal.

[1340] deal with as a young person or all the the all the what they believe is the slights and the Misappropriation of money for war and all the different shit that they're they should be right about they should be angry about But now they're the aggressive ones when it comes to policing speech when it comes to like Shielding people from anything that might make uncomfortable right fat shaming as a lot of crazy talk and really aggressive about it comes from the left now I was like, they're the school marms.

[1341] You know, there's, I mean, someone who wrote that on Twitter.

[1342] I think Christina Summers was, I forget the tweet, but I retweeted it the other day, but it was so appropriate because it was exactly that.

[1343] It's like, how did this happen?

[1344] It's shifted.

[1345] And then Bruce Jenner goes on TV, says he's becoming a woman and he's a Republican.

[1346] And everybody went, wait, what?

[1347] Diane Sawyer's reaction was fantastic.

[1348] I cried laughing.

[1349] She went, what?

[1350] And then she goes, you're a Republican?

[1351] And he goes, is there anything wrong with that?

[1352] And she went, no, no, no, no. So you're going to go to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell.

[1353] And he went, yeah, I do it in a heartbeat.

[1354] And she just went, there was a take of her.

[1355] Like, you're barking up the wrong tree, brohames.

[1356] Well, he's an odd case.

[1357] Isn't he?

[1358] He's unique, obviously.

[1359] He's famous.

[1360] He's got a past.

[1361] He's a famous sports star.

[1362] There's a lot going on that.

[1363] Yeah, yeah.

[1364] But I think for transgender people, I think it's amazing.

[1365] Oh, it's fantastic.

[1366] To have two hours on TV dedicated to this.

[1367] person who's decided to become a woman.

[1368] And then here's the thing.

[1369] People will go, oh, well, you know what?

[1370] What about the possibility that what he has is a mental illness?

[1371] What?

[1372] That is possible.

[1373] Listen, it is possible.

[1374] There's all sorts of possibilities when it comes to mental illnesses.

[1375] But that was my point.

[1376] My point is if he has a mental illness in the worst case scenario of the mental illnesses, he wants to be a woman and then he becomes a woman.

[1377] Right.

[1378] But he's a lesbian, too.

[1379] But that's way better than having a mental.

[1380] Hetero, which was weird.

[1381] No, he's going to become a lesbian.

[1382] He's gonna become a lesbian because he's a man right he was using the he pronoun he wanted to be referred to as Bruce and he so like he has always been a woman so it's very and you know you're supposed to like you're supposed to not question that and let people get away with anything when it comes to he she gender definitions I guess that would be queer whatever whatever it is whatever the fuck he wants it to be the point being why does first of all why do you give a shit if he wants to remove his penis or not and second if the worst case scenario is he becomes a woman.

[1383] Is it really so bad to be a woman?

[1384] At 65 what fucking difference does it make?

[1385] At 65, anybody who fucks you is throwing you a bone, all right?

[1386] Let's be honest.

[1387] And that's like if you're going to become a woman.

[1388] Don't rush me. I'm sitting right here.

[1389] If you're going to become a woman, that's a perfect time.

[1390] Don't know what I did.

[1391] Don't show me anything like that.

[1392] If you want to become a woman, that's the best time when it's over anyway.

[1393] I mean, you wouldn't be a 65 year old man or 65 year old woman.

[1394] I don't know what to fuck you, dude.

[1395] Just like, be a woman now.

[1396] Perfect.

[1397] And you don't even need an operation.

[1398] That's what I thought was funny.

[1399] We just call you a woman.

[1400] Diane Sawyer was being pretty good about interviewing him.

[1401] And then when he said he wanted to be a woman, she's like, you missed all the good years.

[1402] And I thought, that's really sexist.

[1403] You're a 65 -year -old woman, Diane.

[1404] No, not only that, she's basing his value on whether or not men will want to have intercourse with him.

[1405] All of a sudden, she's using the standard that I'm sure she wouldn't want to be judged by.

[1406] If I said, well, Diane, you're over 60.

[1407] I don't find you as attractive as I did.

[1408] You know what I mean?

[1409] And I thought that was really a wild thing to say.

[1410] I mean, I understood it because it's a knee -jerk reactionary thing to say, like, well, you don't do that.

[1411] You're not going to get the pussy.

[1412] You know, like someone would say.

[1413] But I also thought, you're a New York intellectual media chattering class, rich, you know, involved person type.

[1414] That was a pretty weird reaction.

[1415] You missed all the good years, especially since she's that age.

[1416] Yeah.

[1417] Well, I think she has the license to say it because she's that age.

[1418] Yeah, of course.

[1419] But also it's like, you know, it just highlights how it.

[1420] The progressive structure of language has to be but has to fall into he can't she can't make a joke like that Well I thought it was funny, but it's funny but oh it's so sexist like I'm pretty sure that Diane Fucking Sawyer isn't sexist against women.

[1421] I'm pretty sure you know you could be god damn Reasonably certain no you didn't even you're right in what you said and if you judge everybody by the standards They're like really super progressive complainers will judge people by because there are certain things that people will write blogs about where you go Jesus fucking Christ Will you stop?

[1422] Will you just stop?

[1423] You're being completely ridiculous Like here was one There was a fat shaming one That I tweeted the other day About protein world This thing that's going on in England They have this billboard Is it England?

[1424] They have this billboard that says You know Is your body beach body ready?

[1425] Oh yeah I saw that And there's a girl in a bikini Looks really hot And people got angry That they were fat shaming that by showing this girl so look at this are you beach body right and then they took pictures of right and they were defacing them body people were running fuck off on it and stuff like that protein world the body no actually that's not true what were they writing those defacings most of them were photoshop oh really most of them were people bullshitting I guess I didn't read very carefully yeah well because a lot of social justice warriors it would be really into doing something like that are incredibly socially retarded and they have a lot of you know social anxiety and they're not going to go out some of them would But they're not going to likely go out and spray paint over this shit.

[1426] New Proxan or whatever that.

[1427] There's a nice gap.

[1428] The acne cream was, isn't this also an unrealistic, impossible body?

[1429] No, it's not if you're that girl.

[1430] But it's genetic.

[1431] I mean, if you're that girl, it's not impossible.

[1432] But it is genetic.

[1433] I mean, yeah, but we're all, you know, there's always going to be the perfect -looking people.

[1434] And everyone will always want to look like them.

[1435] And then there's the whole question of this.

[1436] But that's not shaming.

[1437] Okay?

[1438] That is impressive.

[1439] That's inspiring.

[1440] That's inspiring.

[1441] Or is it only impressive because you're attracted to you.

[1442] Maybe.

[1443] But if you're a woman and you can possibly look like that, which is not all women.

[1444] Some women have odd shaped bodies.

[1445] That is just a fact.

[1446] We've all met women who are boxy or really wide.

[1447] And, you know, it's probably annoying to them to see shit like that.

[1448] But guess what?

[1449] When that fucking dude who plays Tyron Lannister, what's his name?

[1450] The guy, the small man. What is this dude from Game of Thrones?

[1451] Oh, yeah.

[1452] You know the dude.

[1453] What is his name?

[1454] Peter Dinklage.

[1455] Peter Dinklage.

[1456] When Peter Dinklage sees a fucking Amber Cromby and Fitch ad with a dude with a six -pack, you know, long legs and long arms and shit, I bet that freaks him the fuck out too.

[1457] But doesn't mean Amber Cromby and Fitch should stop showing twinks with six -packs to sell underwear.

[1458] It's fine.

[1459] It's like it's not body shaming.

[1460] It's impressive.

[1461] That's what it is.

[1462] It's unusual.

[1463] It's not the mean.

[1464] No. That body's not the mean.

[1465] Who's got a body like that?

[1466] That woman's got a perfect body That's not normal That's not a lot of people And she's gray It's not fat shaming Here's a real fucking problem with that Here's the real problem with that What they're doing They're selling They're selling like some sort of diet plan Oh is not what it was Right isn't that what it is?

[1467] See what it is Protein Well what is it Is it just protein Let's go to the actual Thing itself But see if you were so mad Like look at that I was smash patriarchy With a hammer I scroll down and look at that Look at this.

[1468] Look this.

[1469] If I had a hammer, I'd smash patriarchy.

[1470] I found it, and the hammer has feminism written on the handle.

[1471] I just want to tell you, that woman in that picture is an actual woman.

[1472] Like, she actually exists.

[1473] That's not patriarchy because someone wants to look like that.

[1474] She's attractive.

[1475] That is a sexually attractive woman.

[1476] It's not patriarchy.

[1477] The dominant paradigm that oppresses us at all times, Joe.

[1478] If you decide to look at the world like that, you can find absolutely everywhere you go.

[1479] That's why sometimes I think it'd be fun to be a right -wing conservative because then you can just blame lots of people for stuff.

[1480] Well, how about being a left -wing radical?

[1481] It's not much difference.

[1482] No, it's exactly the same.

[1483] I have all these people I'm afraid of and all these people I fear and all these people I blame.

[1484] But you're not so left -wing radical.

[1485] This doesn't make sense to you.

[1486] Well, most things make sense if you think about it after a while.

[1487] I just don't, I think that people absolutely would get uncomfortable if their body could never look like that, and they would walk by and see that.

[1488] But that's the brakes, you know, that's just how, that's life.

[1489] Life hands you weird cards.

[1490] And if you believe in freedom, you believe that someone should be able to sell the image of that body to stand there with a bikini and use it for their products.

[1491] The product is like, there's the problem with the product.

[1492] No one really did deface the boards.

[1493] No, it's all bullshit.

[1494] I thought I saw one of those the other day.

[1495] I mean, look, some people might have been, some people might have done it.

[1496] But apparently, according to the people at Protein World, they had a statement, they said that they were all Photoshop.

[1497] I live in French Fire World, and it's a little bit different in my world.

[1498] You're a little, I am Beach Body Ready in French Fire World.

[1499] I'm an heirloom tomato world.

[1500] Airloom tomato world.

[1501] Yeah, that's what I live off of, a little balsamic vinegar, little sea salt spring.

[1502] Put mozzarella in it?

[1503] No, you don't need that fucking cow shit.

[1504] They just slice through that tomato.

[1505] Mmm.

[1506] It's one of the most delicious things in the world.

[1507] Airloom tomatoes with a little balsamic vinegar and just a little dash of sea salt.

[1508] My wife really likes that.

[1509] So yummy.

[1510] It's beautiful.

[1511] Well, tomatoes are supposed to taste like that, but those tomatoes last like an hour.

[1512] You buy heirloom tomatoes from the grocery store.

[1513] Those bitches are good for like a day, and then they start getting all mushy.

[1514] But when you eat them, you understand the tomatoes are really a fruit.

[1515] The difference between the big, puffy, watery, agar farm.

[1516] The hard ones.

[1517] Yeah.

[1518] That can travel for weeks.

[1519] That's why they've bred them that way.

[1520] They bounce.

[1521] They have like a tough skin.

[1522] They don't taste so hot.

[1523] They don't take they taste really bland.

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] Watery.

[1526] There's a big difference between those and like the Jersey beefsteak tomatoes that old their old genes and that's genetically modified.

[1527] Like when people start talking about genetic modifications, guess what?

[1528] That's what that is.

[1529] That's what the tomatoes in the corner are.

[1530] So they can travel.

[1531] Selective breeding.

[1532] And apples.

[1533] That's why there's only like five kinds of apples instead of a thousand.

[1534] Yeah, right?

[1535] And they're durable as fuck, too.

[1536] We eat like five different kinds of potatoes here.

[1537] But in South America, obviously, where the potato was invented, there's thousands of strains.

[1538] Yeah, they have all kinds of shape and purple and green and all weird preparations and shit.

[1539] Yuka.

[1540] Remember, see, ever seen Yuka?

[1541] Yeah.

[1542] Like, how much is involved in processing that and making food out of it?

[1543] Oh, my God.

[1544] You say Yucca or Yuka?

[1545] How do you say it?

[1546] I would say Yaka.

[1547] Hmm.

[1548] You're probably right.

[1549] Yeah.

[1550] But if I was Cole Porter, I'd write a song about that.

[1551] You say, Yucca.

[1552] But, you know, it's like on one hand, what is that?

[1553] The humble potato.

[1554] That's all the different types of potatoes.

[1555] Whoa, they look really cool.

[1556] I mean, the Inca's in South America and the American Indians in Meso and North America invented the horticulture and the husbandry, or whatever you call it, of potatoes and corn.

[1557] Corn was not an edible product until the Indians started planting it.

[1558] making it into something they could eat and they developed it and the incas and all the tribes that lived in south america those civilizations developed all those potatoes and bred them that's amazing and so it's it's an extraordinary feat of uh agriculture and the fact that potatoes and corn basically saved europe from starvation in that same time period we're talking about when they were able to bring all that back from the new world europe wasn't doing so hot with the nutrition right around then because they didn't have a lot of vegetables that kept and a potato's like a perfect vegetable right you could actually live on potatoes almost to the exclusion of everything else and not die because it has every vitamin in it it's really rich in vitamin C and potassium and d as well yeah yeah potatoes are like this extraordinary kind of and what do we do with it we take the fucking nutritious part off of it and we boil it in fat and then put salt on it it's awesome we're so gross and then put it in bleach what is it ranch dressing and then And then, like, corn, you know, the whole argument over GMO corn and everything, it's like, corn is.

[1559] It's all GMO.

[1560] Yeah.

[1561] Yeah.

[1562] I don't know.

[1563] And also that GMO corn, the stuff that you get for, like, for cattle and stuff, you can't even eat that shit.

[1564] Oh, no. Like, the stuff they grow for feed for animals, like they grow it, you know, high in protein and resistant to pesticides and all that stuff.

[1565] In that show, the documentary King Corn, they tried eating it.

[1566] You know, they grew an acre of corn.

[1567] They went through the whole process and through the documentary and then they try to eat their corn.

[1568] They're like, what the fuck are we growing?

[1569] Isn't that horrible?

[1570] It's disgusting.

[1571] It's crazy.

[1572] It's crazy.

[1573] Well, that's when you find out how dangerous California's drought is because we always associate the heartland with growing our of our vegetables.

[1574] But that's not really the case.

[1575] The heartland is where we grow all the corn.

[1576] We grow a lot of different shit, obviously.

[1577] There's a lot of soy and all sorts of different things get grown.

[1578] But California's responsible for like a huge percentage of the tomatoes.

[1579] A huge percentage of the almonds, a huge percentage of the blueberries, avocados, strawberries.

[1580] Oranges.

[1581] There's a lot of shit that gets grown in California, and you find out how fuck we are with water.

[1582] So you realize, like, oh, this is a food issue for people.

[1583] It's not just a food issue for our food.

[1584] It's a food issue for people, too.

[1585] That's why I want to lead a midnight raid to Lake Mead tonight if you guys are up for it.

[1586] You're going to steal water from Nevada?

[1587] Yeah, I got a truck.

[1588] It's pretty big.

[1589] I thought we could get some jugs and whatnot.

[1590] Now, I haven't thought this plan out the whole way.

[1591] How good is this Lake Mead water?

[1592] Well, it's pretty tasty.

[1593] It's been run through a dam, so there's, you know...

[1594] Filter, like a big Britta.

[1595] Exactly.

[1596] I don't think there's any impurities.

[1597] Put it in a bong, whatever.

[1598] Isn't it low?

[1599] Isn't Lake Mead low as well?

[1600] I feel like that was something that was a concern.

[1601] Oh, yeah.

[1602] All the reservoirs.

[1603] The drought's terrible.

[1604] This is the worst one I remember.

[1605] I don't know if you lived in California your whole life.

[1606] Are you from California?

[1607] No. No, I moved here in 94.

[1608] Where are you from?

[1609] I grew up mostly in Boston, but I was born in New Jersey.

[1610] I lived out here from age 7 to 11, though, in San Francisco.

[1611] Oh.

[1612] Yeah.

[1613] Well, in the late 70s, there was a huge shot in California.

[1614] And that one was the first one that I remember really getting serious.

[1615] Yeah, I was here for that, I believe.

[1616] I think that was like 78 or something, right?

[1617] Lake Mead may hit record low.

[1618] Can you believe this?

[1619] So look at the shoreline.

[1620] My God.

[1621] Yeah, the shoreline is like so pulled up.

[1622] And the marina is going to be dirt.

[1623] Mm -hmm.

[1624] Well, that's how Lake Travis is in Austin.

[1625] Have you seen that?

[1626] That's terrifying.

[1627] Lake Travis is way worse.

[1628] Pull up pictures of Lake Travis in Austin, Texas.

[1629] Because some folks bought these multi -million dollar gorgeous estates on the water of this amazing lake.

[1630] And they're like, honey, we are living the fucking dream.

[1631] We have a house on the lake.

[1632] Look at this.

[1633] It's incredible.

[1634] You go out your back door.

[1635] You have a cocktail.

[1636] You hear the fucking, the frauds, crick, crick, crick, crick.

[1637] And you're like, we live on the lake.

[1638] This is amazing.

[1639] Well, then the lake is 200 yards away now.

[1640] Oh, right, right.

[1641] They've lost most of the lake.

[1642] Yeah, half a mile.

[1643] Your boat's in the sand.

[1644] There's no, there's not, it's not even mud anymore.

[1645] Like, your boat is laying this madmacks.

[1646] How come no one's ever figured out how to seed clouds?

[1647] I know what to do it, bro.

[1648] I know how to do it.

[1649] You get all that water from the fucking glaciers that they're complaining about.

[1650] Oh, sea level's going to rise.

[1651] No, no, no, no. You get a pipe.

[1652] You put it on the water.

[1653] You take the water back, the same they do with oil.

[1654] Look at that.

[1655] Ouch.

[1656] Isn't that insane?

[1657] These are photos.

[1658] We're looking at photos right now of Lake Travis.

[1659] Where you could see people's docks.

[1660] Like that, see those houses up there?

[1661] Those houses were like shoreline houses.

[1662] Like that's the water level.

[1663] So there's nothing left.

[1664] Nothing left.

[1665] So these houses, like they had this big backyard in the backyard, looked over this dock, and they would go out to their boat and just fucking jet -set lifestyle.

[1666] Look at me. You live in Austin, Texas, like a fucking gangster.

[1667] And then it all went away The water like literally all went away It is the craziest thing to look at From a satellite photo Or from an aerial photo rather Because you realize where the shore Used to be There's some pretty distinct Verso like that See that looks like a river That used to all be blue That whole thing was blue And they're letting that motherfucker Dry out Because they pump water in the Lake Austin Lake Austin is still full I think they get their water From the Colorado or something the Missouri maybe what do I know I'm a lake expert but the point is they they get their water and they still make sure that Lake Austin gets water but they don't do it to Lake Travis they're like fuck it we got to pick a pick a winner and you ain't it's like look at that house in the lower right -hand side Jamie look at these people just sitting there oh my god that's insane what's left of the lake there was one in the lower right -hand side Jamie where you could see this like big mansion that had a backyard if you were Before you clicked on that one.

[1668] Yeah, right there.

[1669] Click on that one.

[1670] Look at that fucking house.

[1671] This guy used to be able to go out his back door.

[1672] Right.

[1673] And just fucking...

[1674] Honey, I'm in it.

[1675] Swim and fish and do whatever he wanted.

[1676] God, it must have been amazing.

[1677] Look at that house.

[1678] This badass house.

[1679] Power line above his house is going to kill him, though.

[1680] I was going to say, he built it underneath the tower there.

[1681] He might be a ham radio operator.

[1682] He might be one of those, Art Bell.

[1683] My wife and I went and I went and looked at a house a while ago, and went in L .A. wasn't it a cool neighborhood on the east side and whatnot and we get there and of course no one has shown you in the pictures on reddit or whatever or we're not reddit a zizzo i don't know what the silo yeah whatever the fucking real estate site uh one of those electrical towers like right in front of it on the street fuck that and you're like that's a little close for me to look at every day to be under not only that i don't think that's healthy it can't be yeah i think there's like actually although my hair then i'd have genius hair all right i'd have genius hair all all the time.

[1684] Might be a young Einstein or whatever.

[1685] Imagine trying to watch TV and you hear the sound of that thing outside.

[1686] It's a weird sound those things that have.

[1687] You ever walk by like a real big, one of those real big towers?

[1688] Like you can actually kind of hear the electricity when you get close.

[1689] Oh, yeah.

[1690] That freaks me the fuck out, man. Especially with people that live underneath those, because there's a couple in Burbank where it's like that you park your car on that street and you just hear that hum and the sizzle.

[1691] and you live right underneath that, that can't be grid.

[1692] You look out your windows, you see your lights like just glow a little.

[1693] Right.

[1694] Just a little bit.

[1695] You break lights, just a little glow and dimmed out.

[1696] A little glow.

[1697] We better get those trees for every one of our outlets so we don't have a surge, man. Well, what's crazy is that Tesla, a long fucking time ago when he was in that battle with Westinghouse, Tesla wanted to make electricity available to everyone like radio.

[1698] Yeah.

[1699] Somehow or another, you'd be pulling your electricity out of the air.

[1700] And he developed some kind of a projection method of electricity.

[1701] So instead of these towers with wires that you could monitor how much electricity is going back and forth, and that's how they charge you.

[1702] Instead of that, he was just going to make everything for free.

[1703] Well, that's why he would be shut down so hard.

[1704] Of course.

[1705] But, yeah, that's his Tower of Power.

[1706] I don't know what they actually called it, but that's what it says in this.

[1707] That's not really what it's called.

[1708] But look at that, yeah, Warden Clife Tower.

[1709] That's what it was.

[1710] That was his idea.

[1711] I mean, what, how weird was that happening?

[1712] Is that good for you, though?

[1713] Did they know about cancer and shit back then?

[1714] What about all the cell phone towers that are everywhere, that it looked like palm trees and shit?

[1715] Those aren't good for you either.

[1716] Can't be.

[1717] Well, I think those are not that bad, though, because I think those are just receivers.

[1718] Oh, are they?

[1719] No, they must not be receivers.

[1720] What about all the phones we used in the 90s that were this big, and when you held them up for half an hour, your teeth started to ache?

[1721] surely those weren't good for us well he wasn't a biology major you know Tesla was a guy who was interested in electrics electronics and thinking things through and figuring out machines but biologically he was pretty fucked up he was in love with a pigeon was he really?

[1722] I didn't know anything much person for life with a pigeon yeah he like had a love affair like he would talk about this pigeon like it was a woman that he loved and he also had some sort of a strange relationship with a woman And again, like, she prefaced this by saying, I got this from a documentary.

[1723] It could be totally bullshit.

[1724] But, and I haven't seen anything about it since, but that he wrote something about destroying, in quotes, his sexuality.

[1725] Like he had been in some sort of an affair with some woman.

[1726] It was so distracting and crazy that he might have decided to get castrated.

[1727] Wow.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] It means, like, I remember the term destroying his sexuality.

[1730] I don't remember what the fuck the...

[1731] Now I'm going to have to read about Tesla.

[1732] Yeah, me too.

[1733] God damn it.

[1734] All I know is that, you know, him and Edison fought tooth and nail, and Edison beat his ass, basically, or Westinghouse, as you're saying.

[1735] Yeah, well, he also benefited greatly from knowing Tesla.

[1736] Didn't he want alternating current?

[1737] He's the reason why we have alternating current.

[1738] He wanted direct current.

[1739] Tesla wanted alternating current.

[1740] Right.

[1741] And Edison had the bright idea that direct current was going to be better.

[1742] Well, you remember he used that fucking elephant.

[1743] They electrocuted that elephant to prove a point.

[1744] Like, Edison was such a doucheback.

[1745] He killed an elephant on.

[1746] film yeah just so that everybody would think that alternating current was dangerous how about just don't electrocute anybody with anything direct current alternating current they cooked the shit out of that elephant they did in like a big public place too which is just not that long ago oh no no no think about that they just cooked they cooked an elephant on TV in front of everybody just for no reason other than to show that their competitors method of delivering electricity was inferior.

[1747] Is this the video?

[1748] Oh, this is fucked up to watch, man. I have a thing about elephants, man. Elephants are, they seem to be really smart.

[1749] Not top.

[1750] See, they are.

[1751] They're really sensitive.

[1752] Yeah, they seem to be really smart.

[1753] And they do have memories.

[1754] And they trust us.

[1755] And then, you know, you take this elephant and you lead it.

[1756] Oh, that's awful.

[1757] I mean, it's one thing if you've got an elephant that's storming through villages and stomping the shit out of people and killing them.

[1758] But then you've got to wonder, well, what the fuck makes that elephant so mad?

[1759] Here they hit it with the electricity This is so fucked up, man They cook their shit out of this elephant It's standing there And they're just pumping it through him He wants to get free too Yeah It's really hardcore When you see it come on Like here it is right there Bam You can see it He starts smoking Oh golly That's terrible It's so fucked up And he just falls over Completely dead and stiff It's so nuts Eek But that was such a new thing 6 ,600 volts.

[1760] Does it say?

[1761] No. 1903?

[1762] 1903?

[1763] Whoa.

[1764] 1903.

[1765] 12 years?

[1766] Wow.

[1767] Not that long, baby.

[1768] 112 years is nothing.

[1769] That's nothing.

[1770] I wonder what they did with the elephant.

[1771] I don't want if they ate it and cooked it.

[1772] Oh.

[1773] You know, I mean.

[1774] It's at Coney Island.

[1775] They probably just sliced it open and had burgers.

[1776] I don't think they did anything with it.

[1777] I bet they buried it somewhere.

[1778] I bet they wouldn't even think about eating an elephant.

[1779] Which is kind of fucked up.

[1780] This is the only saving grace to those people that hunt those elephants in other countries is the villagers, who most of them have no meat at all, they get to eat that elephant meat.

[1781] That's it.

[1782] Other than that, you're killing an elephant.

[1783] An elephant seem to be, they don't just seem to be smart.

[1784] They seem to be like these like intense social creatures.

[1785] Oh, yeah.

[1786] They pair up.

[1787] They recognize each other after having seen each other in decades.

[1788] There's this crazy video of this.

[1789] I think it's a mother and a son or something like that and they hadn't seen each other forever and the two elephants see each other and they run to each other and they hadn't seen each other in decades and they immediately recognized each other they have extraordinary memories and they can smell water that's why when they're when they roam far and wide during the drought season or whatever they can smell and they can dig underneath and whatever whoa that's insane they're highly creative and one of those those those horn the tusks are for fighting right they crash into each other and duke it out with those tusks to keep them for life which is unusual too and they don't ever lose them they don't shed them yeah which would save a lot of fucking death no because then only elephants shed their tusks if they did killing them all the time people would want them every year they would want to keep them alive because an elephant alive would be worth way more and you just get the sheds you don't have to saw it off right just let them fall off and you could have like Like when they have deer sheds, like if you go to a forest anytime like near the spring, when deer start losing their antlers, you just find them and pick them up.

[1790] Nobody got hurt.

[1791] And you can take them and people use them.

[1792] They make jewelry with them and shit.

[1793] And they do all kinds of different things with them.

[1794] But it's this hard, bony fucking thing that grows in a year.

[1795] So if you see like a moose and they have this enormous fucking paddle, these paddles in the side of their head.

[1796] I mean, they're huge.

[1797] They grew that this year, and they're going to grow a new one next year.

[1798] Really?

[1799] Every year they grow in that big?

[1800] Yep.

[1801] That I didn't know.

[1802] Like the size of a door.

[1803] Oh, yeah.

[1804] Like that door to this room is not preposterous.

[1805] No, no. They're huge animals.

[1806] And they grow that entire thing over the course of, like, a month or so.

[1807] Wow.

[1808] It just grows out of their fucking head.

[1809] And the next year it'll be bigger.

[1810] And next year it will be big.

[1811] Like, this moose right here is, this is a moose.

[1812] It has a small antlers.

[1813] This is like a young moose.

[1814] It's only like a few years old.

[1815] When they get like six and seven, then they get bigger and bigger and bigger.

[1816] Because as they get older and they get larger and more dominant because they continue to eat, their horns actually get, their antlers actually get bigger.

[1817] So they can show, bitch, I've been around for an old fucking time.

[1818] And they come out, you know, this huge, like that's the thing that scares off the other males.

[1819] Like, look at this motherfucker.

[1820] Yeah, this is old ass antlers.

[1821] Isn't that.

[1822] bizarre.

[1823] Wow, yeah.

[1824] That's fantastic.

[1825] So if elephants were like that, man, they would be so valuable.

[1826] They wouldn't be so endangered.

[1827] If moose, like if moose antlers were valuable the way elephant tusks were, moose would probably be mostly wiped off the face of the earth.

[1828] But instead, they're valued as like a renewable resource because it's more valuable to keep the moose so that they have more moose so that you can eat them, then just kill them all and cut off their fucking antlers.

[1829] Yeah.

[1830] It's sad as shit, man, that seeing that, um, that rhino that just went extinct.

[1831] Yeah.

[1832] Essentially extinct.

[1833] I mean, there's one male left and two females.

[1834] The male won't breed.

[1835] And the female is too, apparently she's the one female is she's too weak to accept him on top of her.

[1836] Right.

[1837] Because you've got to think rhinos are enormous.

[1838] So he's got to get on top of her to fuck her.

[1839] And they're basically saying, this is it.

[1840] You're looking at the last three of these rhinos species.

[1841] Good night.

[1842] And I think his horn is actually cut off so that it's not valuable.

[1843] Right.

[1844] I think there's an image that see if there's an image like the last remaining rhino right they cut their horns off to keep people from poaching them to keep people from poaching them for their fucking it's what china is it that wants the rhino horns yeah they want it they don't know about viagra over there they're still looking for tiger dick and rhino horn and there's dude it's called siallis you go to the store you buy it's expensive though so what they make it over there it's cheaper look at him he's got yeah his horns hacked off that's crazy both of his horns are hacked off unless they just wore him off.

[1845] Is that possible?

[1846] It is, but I think they probably cut him off because he's in a preserve.

[1847] Yeah.

[1848] The O. Pesita Conservancy in Kenya.

[1849] What a crazy animal that thing is, though.

[1850] You think about all the variation that nature has to offer.

[1851] The difference between like a ground squirrel and a rhinoceros.

[1852] And a rhinole.

[1853] Look at that thing.

[1854] There's a famous one they brought to Europe in the 1400s and Ger did a etching of it.

[1855] And it's in Accurate because he'd only heard about it, but it was a very famous painting and it was a very famous rhino and they turned it all around Europe and then it finally croaked But everybody had to see it because no one had ever seen one before Wow, and I can't remember the name of it.

[1856] I don't know you'd have to look up medieval rhino or you know jurors rino They found rhinos in the Congo They found rhinos in the actual jungle and they had only been like a legend because they're they're more planes out.

[1857] I was gonna say that I thought they lived on the belt or whatever But what happened was the climate shifted around the Congo so rapidly that planes became tropical rainforests all around them.

[1858] Wow, that's a sketch.

[1859] Yeah, that's a drawing by juror.

[1860] What year is that drawing, Jamie?

[1861] Wow.

[1862] 1514?

[1863] And that elephant he was told about.

[1864] That's incredible.

[1865] And it toured Europe.

[1866] It was a famous elephant.

[1867] I mean, rhino, sorry.

[1868] So he was only told about that.

[1869] Yeah, so you can see how it's not anatomically accurate.

[1870] it's he's kind of thrown in like the feed and the way the scales work and everything yeah yeah it's definitely a little different but damn yeah pretty fucking good this was like a sensation in the early 1500s in europe people were like losing their shit over what's the other one the yellower one up up top jamie yeah what is that one is that the original version of it whoa I love that shit what's the I love looking at like the original version of a drawing like that that's just and those are his see again we're talking about his scribbles right the artist touch his handwritten his notes all through the bottom yeah look at that his handwriting and people had elegant handwriting back then look how much writing he's getting in at the bottom of that page and I don't know what I'm assuming he was writing in German in the 1500s I don't know if it's in Latin I can't how he writes the name rhinoceros rhinoceron right that's Latin like a transformer like there's one of them yeah that's like a transformer rhinoceron.

[1871] Rhinoceron.

[1872] Well, this area of the Congo where they filmed these rhinos, they had just, they'd heard about it from the locals, and they were like, what the fuck are they babbling about?

[1873] There's no, rhinos don't live in the jungle, and then they finally found them, and it took a while before they realized that the climate had shifted, and these planes, the planes animals were just stuck, because, like, almost immediately this rainforest just grew around them over the course of like you know a few thousand years or a few hundred years even I don't think it was very long I think it was actually 2 ,000 years and these animals got stuck there and some of them adapted one of the really curious adaptations was this animal called a diker it's like this little tiny antelope that can now swim underwater up to 100 yards goes underwater it never had to do that before they used to just run around they would run yeah so now this motherfucker can swim so animals can adapt over time like that and they eat fish Right, and what are the rhinos do?

[1874] They're jungle rhinos.

[1875] They're jungle rhinos.

[1876] So those, you're saying an antelope type animal eats fish?

[1877] Mm -hmm.

[1878] Yeah, well, that's learned behavior, right?

[1879] Well, most likely, but you know, what they've been finding out lately is that deer eat birds.

[1880] Do they?

[1881] We didn't know about it.

[1882] Look at that.

[1883] Oh, Jesus.

[1884] Whoa.

[1885] What's it eating a frog?

[1886] There's a diker eating a frog, a little monster.

[1887] I know you think of a deer.

[1888] You think of an antelope.

[1889] They're not carnivores.

[1890] Well, you definitely don't think it's going to go eat a frog.

[1891] You gotta catch a frog You know I mean Frogs don't just let you grab them I know you gotta go after that little fucker So I think there's These videos we watched on one of the last podcasts Of deer eating birds And people didn't know that they did that I didn't know so you just now told me They didn't know until like this year Like this is like they used to think that like You know these birds that would die The ground nesting birds or birds that fall out of trees That they would get eaten by like coyotes and stuff See all those birds coming after?

[1892] the deer, it's because the deer is eating a bird, and you can see it like really clearly as they get close to it.

[1893] The people who are filming this were trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

[1894] And then as time went on, they realized this deer is following this bird around trying to bite it.

[1895] See, the bird on the ground?

[1896] Yeah.

[1897] And so it's following it.

[1898] See, it's chasing it, and then finally when it gets it, it bites it and starts fucking up this bird, and it's chewing it alive, and it's crazy to watch, man. I mean, it's not just accidentally stumbling upon this.

[1899] No. It's going after it.

[1900] So he keeps stepping, keep stepping, and finally it gets a hold of the bird and just starts fucking that bird up and eating it.

[1901] And apparently, look, see it?

[1902] Wow.

[1903] Apparently that's what they do.

[1904] They eat birds.

[1905] And we have made them these benign grass -eating gentle creatures.

[1906] No, they eat birds alive.

[1907] And while the bird is squirming and trying to get away, they give zero fucks.

[1908] They have a cold -hearted bird -eating demeanor.

[1909] Wow.

[1910] Who knew that about dears?

[1911] Yeah, isn't that crazy?

[1912] There's some really close -up...

[1913] Oh, God.

[1914] There's some close -up ones.

[1915] There's a bird -eating ducklings.

[1916] I've got to eat duck later.

[1917] Let's not...

[1918] Birds are rude as fuck.

[1919] We could stop any time you want, sir.

[1920] Oh, okay.

[1921] Stop.

[1922] Let's wrap this bitch up now.

[1923] You want to wrap it up?

[1924] Yeah, I do.

[1925] Same thing you need to talk about, other than the book that's fucking amazing and I have a copy of it.

[1926] Did you sign it, please?

[1927] I'm going to right here.

[1928] I'll sign it right now.

[1929] What's kittens?

[1930] What is this?

[1931] This must be for Brian.

[1932] That's my...

[1933] Brian can have it if you want.

[1934] It's my mascot, kittens McTalbush.

[1935] You have a mascot?

[1936] Well, kind of.

[1937] It's just sort of organically evolved over the show.

[1938] All right, I'll keep it.

[1939] That'll be my bookmark.

[1940] Is it a sticker?

[1941] It is a sticker.

[1942] I would put it on my laptop, but a lot of times I have to go to the airport, and I don't want any gay rumors.

[1943] You know what I'm saying?

[1944] Wow.

[1945] I'm glad that you presume that a kitten makes you gay.

[1946] It's not a giant orange cock.

[1947] But if I would, it would be less gay.

[1948] Put it right there.

[1949] Let me think.

[1950] That's awesome.

[1951] See, he likes it.

[1952] Brian likes it.

[1953] Well, get his fucking laptop.

[1954] It's covered with me. pictures of himself.

[1955] You've got cats on there and shit.

[1956] All sorts of stuff.

[1957] You're on there.

[1958] I'm on there, too.

[1959] That's nice.

[1960] I have stickers all over my stuff, too.

[1961] I need more stickers.

[1962] Will you let me sign it to you, John?

[1963] Fuck yeah.

[1964] And where can people buy this, Greg Poop's?

[1965] They can go, thank you for asking, Mr. Joe Oaken.

[1966] They can go on Gregproops .com.

[1967] Chazam, bitches.

[1968] Boom!

[1969] Or you can go to Smartest Book in the World .com.

[1970] Boo -ya.

[1971] And you can pre -order it.

[1972] It comes out on May 5th, But you can pre -order it now if you wish.

[1973] And Greg Proops, you can see his live podcast.

[1974] You can actually be in the audience for some of those fuckers, right?

[1975] How do people get to that?

[1976] You are so right.

[1977] They can go on Greg Proops .com.

[1978] I'm going to be in...

[1979] See, I put a heart in it, too, so the gay rumors will keep swirling.

[1980] I like them.

[1981] Yeah.

[1982] I'm going to be in Brooklyn on the 7th, I think.

[1983] May 7th.

[1984] If you go on Gregproost .com or with a live event, on the book thing.

[1985] I'm doing a bunch of podcasts across the country.

[1986] New York, Chicago, Philly, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and book events as well in all those places.

[1987] Boom.

[1988] And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

[1989] Dude, you're awesome.

[1990] Thanks.

[1991] It's always fun.

[1992] Thanks for having me on, Joe.

[1993] Please, my pleasure.

[1994] Baby.

[1995] We should probably...

[1996] These shirts were made by...

[1997] These are the astronaut shirts.

[1998] If you guys know what happened, there was an astronaut that got in trouble for wearing these...

[1999] Oh, you've got the hunky lady shirts.

[2000] men of the night one yeah we tried to balance it out so she sent us a gay one so uh or a female women can wear i guess it would be more female than gay right doesn't have to be gay if a woman wore that i would be questioning her taste a little bit would you for real well i'm questioning brian's right now but i understand he's just trying to get in the spirit of the thing he's just being a silly goose something wrong is a lesbian trapped in the guy's body yeah something's trapped the scientist got in trouble it's actually his friend ellie that made these shirts and she sent them to us so thank you oh they're lovely thank you uh scientist dude out there thanks america this is it thanks the world okay i'm not a fucking xenophobic i like everybody out there see you soon all right bye awesome awesome