Beef Stock Bouillon Broth

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit teamco .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Andrew, Conan.

[5] Hello, hello.

[6] Hi, hello, hello, how are you?

[7] Good, Andrew.

[8] Andrew, you just said hello about nine times.

[9] I know I did.

[10] I know I did.

[11] I'm very, uh, look, this is the only, this is very little human contact I get.

[12] This is it.

[13] Now, is that because of COVID or is that just in general?

[14] you avoid humans?

[15] It is because of COVID.

[16] Normally I like to get out a little bit more.

[17] But with COVID, it's kind of like my family and everybody at work.

[18] That's kind of it.

[19] And it's not very exciting.

[20] So for this, yeah.

[21] That's true of just about everybody except people that live in Florida, who seems to be gathering in pools that seem to accommodate 9 ,000 people at the same time.

[22] And they're all licking each other.

[23] Right.

[24] But to each their own.

[25] I say, Andrew.

[26] How are you, Andrew?

[27] Are you in your home right now, I'm guessing?

[28] I am in my home right now.

[29] Yeah, I'm doing very well.

[30] Thank you, by the way.

[31] I hope you're doing well, too.

[32] I want to compliment you, thank you, sir.

[33] I want to compliment you because people can't see this at home, but you have a very deep and rich, almost purplish eggplant hue behind you.

[34] It's quite striking.

[35] And, you know, most people I talk to in this pandemic are in front of a pretty boring wall, but you've chosen quite a color behind you.

[36] and if that's authentic, then I congratulate you.

[37] Yes, it is a blue wall.

[38] It comes across purple, but it's kind of the sunlight coming in here right now.

[39] But it's a very blue wall.

[40] I am a very big fan of keeping colors to the wall.

[41] Like, this is kind of like my office area.

[42] And a blue really works for me to help me think a little bit more.

[43] So it's kind of like a, yeah, it's a creative color.

[44] It's a creative color for me. Oh, good.

[45] So blue is, you've painted your office blue to be creative.

[46] What about, is every room in your house blue, so you're creative all the time?

[47] No, no, not every room in the house is blue.

[48] I have different colors just kind of for different things.

[49] So upstairs, I have, like, it's like a kitchen dining room, like together.

[50] The kitchen area is colored green and the dining room area is colored yellow.

[51] Oh, is it true that you're living in the Joker's lair?

[52] That's what it sounds like a little bit.

[53] It sounds like you're in the Joker's lair and your job is to, It's to help him defeat Batman.

[54] Is that correct?

[55] Yes.

[56] How many vats of acid do you have?

[57] Listen, I can't answer that legally.

[58] Right, right.

[59] But is coloring, different colors is a big thing for you.

[60] Very big thing.

[61] So in the bathroom as well, the bathroom is like, it's a pink.

[62] People come over and they go, no, it's salmon.

[63] And I'm like, no, no, it's pink.

[64] Let's not.

[65] I'm getting the impression that you all gather in the bathroom immediately when people enter and talk, debate wall colors.

[66] that's for you all walk in and we say hi come on in step into the bathroom and tell me is this pink or salmon the choice will decide whether you live or die you're like you're like the killer in no country for old men it's all the flip of a coin look it's a hell of an icebreaker anyway you cut it you know sure so when you take them in the bathroom do you shut the door behind you guys or do you leave it open uh depends on who it is sometimes the bathroom is sometimes the door is shut most of the time i do try to keep it open just for creepiness sake, but yeah, yeah, when you invite strangers into your home and then ask them to just close your, yeah.

[67] Yeah, your salmon room and then you shut the door.

[68] You don't want to do it.

[69] And then you flip a coin and say heads or tails.

[70] Heads or tails.

[71] Yeah.

[72] Well, I don't know what I'm betting on.

[73] Sorry, I'm obsessed with that scene and no country old man. It's all good.

[74] It's all good.

[75] Don't put that coin back in your pocketwork and get mixed up with the other pockets.

[76] I don't know why my, he, he became Nixon there.

[77] there.

[78] So anyway, you have very different colors throughout your house.

[79] Yes, I do.

[80] And that's your thing.

[81] Is that one of your things?

[82] It is one of my things.

[83] Yeah, it's one of my things I do around the house.

[84] As I'm going, I haven't painted every room yet.

[85] Some are still just like a basic white, which is for me very boring.

[86] Does that offend you when someone has a white wall?

[87] Oh my God.

[88] I can't even like I walk into the house.

[89] If I walk into somebody's apart, house, whatever it is, and it's white walls, I immediately think to myself, I'm like, what are you doing?

[90] I'm like, we can, we can upgrade, we can do better, you know, there's colors.

[91] The reason they give you different paints and colors is because this, to give you, to give you more of an energy in a room.

[92] Someone told me, someone that works at our show, Jordan Schlansky, some people may be aware of him.

[93] He has a theory, I know, trust me, I know.

[94] Jordan has a theory that Americans are afraid of color.

[95] And so we go for lots of topes and grays.

[96] And, that if you go to Europe and you drive around, the cars are fantastic colors.

[97] They're bright mocas, they're oranges, their limes, their lemons, they're raspberries and frizzleberries and frizzleberries, strawberries and gobbleberries.

[98] Yes.

[99] I've traveled with Dr. Seuss.

[100] And, but if you go to this country, it's the same four colors and various shades of that because Americans fear color and everyone walks around like they're depressed in a black and white movie.

[101] Yeah.

[102] Yeah.

[103] You know, you're doing something here, Andrew.

[104] You're helping to change the culture.

[105] You really are.

[106] I appreciate that.

[107] I think it's very important to do it.

[108] I mean, it doesn't really make, again, you're absolutely right.

[109] It's a very valid point.

[110] We do have very boring colors in this country.

[111] I find that.

[112] And when you walk around, everyone does feel like they're a little depressed.

[113] And it's kind of like if you just add some color, I promise you, it really does help.

[114] Like for me, it really helps to have these colors.

[115] Now, what happens?

[116] Are you a single person?

[117] Are you in the dating world?

[118] In the dating world, I would say, yeah.

[119] You're in the dating world, okay.

[120] If a date were to come back to your house, does it always go over well, that you, that Harley Quinn is your interior designer?

[121] Does it always work out for you?

[122] Usually there are compliments, yeah.

[123] It's usually there's a compliment about the colors because it's something not many people see.

[124] So it's really nice to get the compliments.

[125] But I have had like one or two.

[126] where they walk in.

[127] So it's a little off -putting to them.

[128] And I think it's because of what you're saying that it's a possible joker situation, maybe they're thinking, and they're a little worried, and I get it.

[129] They're not accustomed to it.

[130] They're not accustomed to it.

[131] But what I like what you're doing, Andrew, and this is what I suggest to all couples out there dating is be your true self on your first date.

[132] I was on my first real date with my, with my wife when we went out, I muttered, I said crazy things.

[133] I put my real self out there because I thought she needs to know now.

[134] I didn't hide that self.

[135] Yes.

[136] And so she thought, oh, he's really, really is an odd guy on the first date.

[137] But she saw.

[138] And I think what you're doing with your house is you're telling people, I need very strong, bold colors in my life all the time.

[139] And if you can't handle that, you better start walking now.

[140] Is that what you're saying, Andrew?

[141] That's exactly what I'm saying.

[142] You better just walk right back out the door.

[143] This isn't going any further.

[144] That's it.

[145] End of story.

[146] fluorescent orange door with yellow stripes.

[147] Wow.

[148] Okay.

[149] Well, that's fantastic.

[150] Now, traditionally, I like to reach out to people in the world and see if I can answer any question for them.

[151] Is there a question you have for me?

[152] I do.

[153] It's a weird question.

[154] I'm going to just say it right off the bat.

[155] Andrew, from you, I'd expect nothing less.

[156] You're an original, you're an original guy.

[157] You're an original thinker.

[158] I'd be a if this was a boring question.

[159] Thank you very much.

[160] The question is, do you like a good soak?

[161] You're a creep?

[162] Thank you.

[163] And I'm terminating this conversation.

[164] Thank you very much.

[165] That's what I wanted.

[166] And I'm never going to ask for fan interaction again.

[167] Yeah, I figured that was it.

[168] No, I'll talk about a lot of things, but a good soak.

[169] What do you mean?

[170] You mean a bath?

[171] A good bath, yeah.

[172] Do I like a good bath?

[173] I have to say that traditionally I am very, I'm a physical.

[174] fidgety person.

[175] Sure.

[176] I like to do things and do things quickly.

[177] Yes.

[178] And move on.

[179] It's hard to me to sit still.

[180] My problem with a bath is that it takes a long time.

[181] So traditionally, I have not had the patience to sit in a tub.

[182] Sure.

[183] I do it occasionally.

[184] My wife, I like to run.

[185] And my wife has recommended sometimes soaking in Epsom salts.

[186] That would help my, Epsom salts would help my legs.

[187] Absolutely.

[188] But my other issue is most tubs, if I'm in a hotel, or any place are too small for me. I am a very, I'm a long gentleman and I need a long bath.

[189] So baths are rare for me. They're not my natural environment.

[190] Sure.

[191] I think with hotels, though, specifically, I wouldn't bathe at a, I wouldn't get in a tub at a hotel just out of, it kind of creeps me out a little bit.

[192] It's not my own tub.

[193] I'm not comfortable with it, if that makes sense.

[194] Like, I could.

[195] I don't, that doesn't worry me at all.

[196] There's hot water and soap running through that thing all the time.

[197] So I think I know what you're saying and I know what you think like I do.

[198] Hotel tubs are usually where they chop up the body when something goes wrong.

[199] That's exactly.

[200] You know what it is?

[201] I've seen Scarface.

[202] I've seen Scarface.

[203] I know what that's Scarface.

[204] I know what?

[205] That was a salmon colored back.

[206] Yeah, exactly.

[207] Did you know what Salmon inspires creativity?

[208] Salmon inspires homicidal rage.

[209] Yes.

[210] I don't know if you're aware of that.

[211] Oh, man. But anyway, so that's why I don't, I wouldn't worry about that.

[212] I just physically don't fit in a lot of tubs.

[213] I had the same issue that you had that I didn't.

[214] Normally, I showered my whole life.

[215] Like, I just kind of showered.

[216] It wasn't really until COVID started that I tried the bath thing.

[217] I tried the soaking thing.

[218] And I got to tell you, it's worked wonders, man. It's just very calming.

[219] It's very relaxing.

[220] Like bath bombs, I'm into it.

[221] I think it's the greatest invention of all time.

[222] I really, I...

[223] You changed.

[224] You changed.

[225] You went, I got to tell you, man. You said, man. And you became...

[226] You became this other guy suddenly.

[227] You've been this straight lace.

[228] Suddenly you were selling me, it was 1973, and you were selling me pot in an alley.

[229] And I was intrigued because I think they're changing your life.

[230] I think these baths, what kind of bath bomb do you use?

[231] Do you like aromas, scents?

[232] What do you go for?

[233] A good eucalyptus is really what I go for.

[234] I love a good eucalyptus.

[235] I find it very calming.

[236] I like the smell of eucalyptus too.

[237] I think that's what it is.

[238] It's very calming.

[239] It's very rumin.

[240] relaxing.

[241] Well, I want to put something out there, which is if you don't have a bath bomb, bullion works as well.

[242] I like to get in a hot bath and drop in, yeah, beef stock bullion cubes.

[243] And you need about, well, if it would be one cube for a pretty large mug, I would say you need about 35 cubes.

[244] And you put them in and suddenly you feel like you're a potato bobbing in a nice beef broth.

[245] It's a nice feeling.

[246] I've only done it.

[247] I've only done that.

[248] I'm going to say I've done it 15 times.

[249] Only 15 times.

[250] Do you worry about smelling like beef when you get out, though?

[251] I can't imagine a better thing to smell like.

[252] Okay, well, well, I really can't.

[253] Look, to each his own, to each his own.

[254] Beef, it's a primal urge.

[255] When I was dating, I used to try to smell like beef as much as possible.

[256] Got a lot of compliments, mostly from, from butchers, mostly from butchers, who passed me on the street, never from a woman I was dating.

[257] But, wow, okay, so you're really into baths, You're really into soaking, and you like to smell like eucalyptus, and you like very bright different colors on your wall.

[258] Now, I'm going to point out something to you, Andrew.

[259] Your question was just a ruse so that you could talk more about what you like.

[260] That's what your question was.

[261] That's all my question was.

[262] Your question for me, your question for the great and powerful Oz, which is, I think, what is how America thinks of me. Whatever you think.

[263] Meaning a fraud behind a curse.

[264] Yes, yes, absolutely.

[265] Who blew into town accidentally.

[266] scamming America.

[267] That aside, your one question was, what do you think of the thing I want to talk about?

[268] That was fascinating.

[269] Did you notice that, Gourley?

[270] Yeah, I did not as you pointed out.

[271] That was very artful.

[272] Look, I think you're great.

[273] I have nothing but respect for you.

[274] But honestly, I just, I have no questions for you.

[275] You know, I wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about.

[276] So I just asked the thing.

[277] I have a question for you, please.

[278] Are you silently judging Conan and me for having white walls behind?

[279] Yeah, go white walls.

[280] Look, I wasn't going to say anything, but as I see them, it is, it is frustrating.

[281] It is a little frustrating because, oh, a little bit, a little bit, because you know, I...

[282] Hey, man, hey man, man, hey man, listen.

[283] Go take a bag.

[284] Yeah, go see.

[285] Hey, what?

[286] Maybe it's time you go soaked your head in a little camomile.

[287] Yes.

[288] And, you know, I'm going to tell you something, man. Go ahead, man. Maybe I have, maybe Matt Goreley and I have more than our share of creativity.

[289] We don't need, we don't need to get high off some wall.

[290] color to take our flights of fancy.

[291] Yes.

[292] We actually have too much creativity.

[293] We have to drain it using these neutral pale whites or else our heads would explode.

[294] We have so much creativity.

[295] I will tell you the guitars on the wall really save you.

[296] Oh.

[297] The guitars on the wall, that gives you another, that gives you some creativity.

[298] You do have guitars hanging.

[299] That shows you some creativity.

[300] Or we're coming to you from a hard rock cafe.

[301] Or that's perfect.

[302] We're sitting side by side with two laptops.

[303] It was two laptops in one hard rock cafe eating a very unsatisfying cheeseburger.

[304] I'm very sorry.

[305] Yeah.

[306] All right.

[307] Well, listen, Andrew, I'm glad I could not answer your question, but give you an excuse to talk more about your soaking fetish and your wall color disorder.

[308] Yes.

[309] But you seem like a very nice guy, Andrew, and it's been very nice getting to know you.

[310] It really has.

[311] It's been wonderful to do this.

[312] I was thrilled to be a part of it.

[313] And thank you so much for having me. It was great meeting you too, man. I'm a huge fan.

[314] It was really nice meeting you.

[315] We'll, our paths will cross again.

[316] I hope so.

[317] You'll, trust me, they will.

[318] Because I'm coming to your house with Matt and about seven cans of the palest drab white you've ever seen.

[319] I can't wait.

[320] And a truckload of bullets.

[321] I can't wait.

[322] Thanks a lot, Andrew.

[323] Thank you, Coney.

[324] Thank you, Matt.

[325] See you guys.

[326] Bye.

[327] Bye.

[328] is a college student.

[329] Hi, Shelby.

[330] Hey, what's up, guys?

[331] How are you?

[332] I am so amazing.

[333] You are, you are so amazing.

[334] Yes.

[335] Is that what you do when you walk up to people and say, I am so amazing?

[336] I mean, usually, if I have free time.

[337] Wow, that's so great.

[338] In my free time, I'll like pick through a New Yorker that I haven't read.

[339] You walk around and randomly announce to people, I'm amazing.

[340] But I'm sure you are amazing.

[341] Tell me a little bit about yourself.

[342] Where do you live?

[343] I am in Brooklyn right now, but I'm from Illinois, but I'm here right now for college because I get NYU.

[344] Oh, cool.

[345] What are you studying?

[346] Right now I'm actually studying comedy writing, so this is like so perfect for me. I'm going to have a story for class.

[347] Oh, good.

[348] All right.

[349] Well, they didn't teach comedy writing when I was in, I desperately wanted to take a class in like comedy writing or talk show hosting and they didn't offer it then.

[350] But anything I can do to help with your comedy writing class you got to let me know thank you wait coming can i show you something so cool so this year i decided to make a vision board and you are literally on my vision board oh my god that's the second time this is happened really yeah that is so cool that is so that is so describe i kind of know what a vision board means but help me what does it mean to you if you put my face on your vision board what does that signify So what Oprah says, Oprah says that you make a vision board and then you put everything you want to manifest in your life onto it.

[351] And then you like forget about it.

[352] You don't even worry how it's going to happen.

[353] And then it just appears.

[354] And that's kind of what happened with this.

[355] So I believe it.

[356] Conan, you're on everybody's vision.

[357] Yeah.

[358] What if the wrong things manifest?

[359] Like what if you say, well, I kind of like to work in comedy the way Conan does and you put me on the vision board and then you wake up one morning and you have an orange pompador on your head instead of the beautiful hair that you have right now.

[360] But she becomes you?

[361] Is that what you think?

[362] Or yeah, that's the thing that manifests.

[363] What if you don't, it's like a Twilight Zone episode.

[364] What if the wrong thing manifests?

[365] Or suddenly, your legs grow disproportionate to your body so that you have a very small torso and long, ungainly legs.

[366] But the comedy thing doesn't happen.

[367] What if that's how it works?

[368] I don't know.

[369] Oprah did not talk about that when she decided to make a vision boy.

[370] See, Oprah never mentions that part.

[371] Like, there's so many people that put Oprah on their vision board, and then they just end up dating a guy named Stedman, but it doesn't, they don't get her career at all, you know?

[372] Yeah.

[373] They end up working on a farm, and they're like, well, I have a boyfriend named Stedman.

[374] Well, you, I mean, you're studying comedy.

[375] Do you have any questions for me?

[376] is or anything I can do to help you?

[377] Okay, so the biggest question I have, I remember I was listening to your podcast once because literally for Spotify, you guys were like my number one podcast.

[378] I think 10 ,000 minutes of me listening to you guys.

[379] Yes.

[380] Oh, that's so sweet.

[381] That's so sweet.

[382] Thank you.

[383] Yeah, so a question that I had, you said that when you first started doing improv, you would get really nervous.

[384] I'm pretty sure a teacher of yours had to pull you aside and be like calmed down.

[385] And I was wondering how you got through that and how you became, and who you are now.

[386] I think a lot of people and myself included think your job is to become funny and to become this person who's known or a celebrity or whatever you want to call it.

[387] And I think it's not that.

[388] I think if you're doing it the right way, you're figuring out a way to become the person you already were in an unusual situation.

[389] So when you say at home and with your friends, you're Richard Pryor and then you get up on stage, yes, that's the trick is figuring out, how can I bring that person who's funny at home?

[390] How can I bring that person up on stage?

[391] And that takes a little doing and takes time, but the good news is you have that person.

[392] That person's fully formed.

[393] That person is the person you are with your friends and family.

[394] What's tricky is when people say, I'm not funny with my friends and family, but I want to be in a comedian.

[395] And you're like, well, that's, I don't, I don't think that's going to work.

[396] But I do think that that's just called time.

[397] If you spend enough time in front of people, I mean, you can watch the first, you know, year of me on late night television, and I look like a guy who's trying to do a good job as a comedy host.

[398] What happens is through the sheer just amount of shows we had to do and the sheer stress and whatever it was, that all fell away and soon, I just felt like I'm always on TV, so the real me came out.

[399] The real me ended up coming out.

[400] And so that's what you do is you get your stage time until the real person comes out.

[401] Does that make sense?

[402] No, it makes perfect sense.

[403] Is it okay if I charge you for it?

[404] Well, just like I'm a student, so I don't have much money in general.

[405] I prefer if you did it.

[406] What I like to do is it'll be like a student loan and it'll be a very high rate.

[407] Not a good rate.

[408] What happens if she doesn't pay?

[409] You already gave her the advice.

[410] Yeah.

[411] Well, I will repossess your comedy career, whatever career I will get going to go in comedy.

[412] I will come and I will repossess it.

[413] Or I'll say I now have 80 % of it.

[414] You know, it's a really, look, you never should have gotten on this call.

[415] This was a big mistake.

[416] because now Shelby it's just like I just have a huge controlling interest in your community and there's no way out there's really no way out yeah this is all such good advice I will use this when I because I'm trying to go to the groundlings now they have virtual classes and I'm trying to take those well good luck to you I'm really excited to meet you and one of my favorite things is talking to young people who are funny and nice they always inspire me they always make me feel like oh it's there's really good people coming up.

[417] I don't want to be one of those bitter old guys.

[418] It's like, no, and today is as good as we were, and we were, because it's just not true.

[419] Yeah, this is so amazing.

[420] I'm like, I have to call my mom right after this.

[421] Aw.

[422] Okay, well, after you're done, I'll call your mom, because we are not getting along.

[423] We'll tell her I said hi.

[424] All right, Shelby.

[425] It was so nice to meet you, mom.

[426] Nice to meet you.

[427] It's really nice to meet you.

[428] Bye.

[429] Bye.

[430] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[431] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[432] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[433] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[434] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[435] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[436] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[437] Engineered by Will Bechton.

[438] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[439] This has been a Teen Coco production in association with Stitcher.