Fresh

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[3] Welcome to Armchair Expert.

[4] That was horrifying.

[5] That sounded like you were drowning.

[6] Coming out of a swimming pool, gasping prayer.

[7] Speaking of Monica, I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[8] Hello there.

[9] The number one man, the padman.

[10] And I'm Dan Shepard, as usual.

[11] And we're a very interesting person known as Fresh.

[12] Now, Patrick Henry is his professional name, but he is the founder and creative director of L .A. based luxury fashion label, Rich Fresh.

[13] Some of the dopest suits you've ever seen in your life.

[14] It's so perfectly tailored.

[15] I couldn't believe it had me wanting a suit.

[16] I don't want to wear a suit.

[17] I know, but now you do.

[18] I really want to do it.

[19] Yeah.

[20] We've got to come up with a really good reason.

[21] Reason?

[22] Maybe our next live show.

[23] Oh, my gosh.

[24] Get styled by Fresh.

[25] Also, you might know Fresh from Henry Mask, which you use extensively.

[26] I do.

[27] I love them.

[28] They're like really good full coverage, but they don't feel stifling.

[29] Well done.

[30] And on these episodes, we like to highlight Black Own Businesses.

[31] Yes.

[32] I'm going to talk about Rich Fresh.

[33] I'm going to dedicate an hour and a half to it.

[34] Okay.

[35] That'll be my ad.

[36] I want to talk about KNC Beauty.

[37] I don't think KNC Beauty.

[38] needs a huge shout out because it's a very popular beauty brand.

[39] But it is black owned, owned by Kristen Noel Crawley.

[40] They have such good skin care.

[41] I love their masks.

[42] And they're kind of Instagram famous.

[43] Like, you've probably seen the eye mask.

[44] They're like a yellow star shooting star.

[45] Oh, that's a neat idea because you really look like a bozo in those just normal eyelid shaped ones.

[46] I know.

[47] Yeah.

[48] But they're gorgeous and they really, really, really work.

[49] So if you want to up your skin care game, please check out K &A.

[50] See Beauty.

[51] Just last week on a post, I saw a lot of comments on your skin looking really nice.

[52] There were several.

[53] Oh, wow.

[54] Well, I probably had just done a K &C beauty mask.

[55] But I only sent you the one that said that we look like brother and sister.

[56] Oh, yeah, I like that.

[57] Please enjoy Rich Fresh.

[58] And don't forget, we are going to Spotify exclusively on July 1st.

[59] So download the free app now and listen to our show for free the way you've always enjoyed it.

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[99] He's an object to.

[100] How you doing?

[101] Sorry, we're late.

[102] We had a big technical snafoo today.

[103] We had to travel from our normal attic to Monica's house to record here because my wife had to record in the attic.

[104] Somehow she got priority.

[105] Wives get priority.

[106] That's just what it is.

[107] Where are you at?

[108] I'm in Los Angeles.

[109] I'm in the beautiful hills of Hollywood.

[110] Oh, we should have done this in person.

[111] Yeah.

[112] Yeah, you could have came out here.

[113] Like, yeah, the view and shit is dope.

[114] You can't see it.

[115] Oh, look at this.

[116] On the other side of those windows is a beautiful view.

[117] This shit just looks like flashlights right now.

[118] Yeah, it's a little blown out.

[119] You're from Memphis, yeah?

[120] Yeah, so I'm from Memphis, but I've been in L .A. for eight years.

[121] To the point where has it infected you as it as me?

[122] Like, I go home to Detroit, and I'm like, I love Detroit, and also they brainwashed me. I don't think I could live here.

[123] Oh, my God.

[124] I can never live back in Memphis.

[125] Like, that's impossible.

[126] Yeah, I always heard about getting jaded.

[127] Like, oh, man, don't go to L .A. and get jaded.

[128] Uh -huh.

[129] I think it meant don't go out there and start, like, mistaking abnormal things for normal.

[130] Right, right.

[131] And I never got jaded.

[132] Like, I came out.

[133] I definitely got the, damn, I got to do more.

[134] I got to go harder.

[135] It's 20 -year -old kids riding around in Ferraris.

[136] I'm bullshit.

[137] Yeah, a lot of hunger.

[138] hungry folks, hungry folks here.

[139] Lots of pressure.

[140] Yeah.

[141] I think being from Detroit, it's A, don't forget you're a piece of shit like us.

[142] Like, I think there's this implied, like, don't get too big for your britches, which I don't think has been my problem.

[143] But they're like, oh, what are you going to start eating healthy and exercising?

[144] Like, yeah, yeah, I'm guilty as charged and I feel pretty good.

[145] I guess I should be embarrassed by that.

[146] When I go home for Christmas, every relative, like getting my mother's sleeve and going like, he is too skinny you got to get this boy eating and I was just average I just was average their standards man I'm vegan so they're on my ass you went all in I went all in you know like I'm vegan I'm sober so oh you're sober oh yeah okay I read about your story I know you went from Memphis to New York to L .A I know you ended up in a shelter and for me as an addict I'm like there's got to be some addiction in that story oh it was every Every addiction was in that story.

[147] You're kidding me?

[148] Oh, good, good, good, good.

[149] I thought if he just ended up there out of, took a wrong turn, I'm not going to know how to ask any follow -up questions.

[150] Yeah.

[151] So how old were you when you started getting interested in clothes?

[152] And I guess tailoring was the first shop you set up in Memphis, yeah?

[153] Correct, yeah.

[154] I was 13 when I really got interested in clothes, not with business in mine.

[155] You know, I got interested in clothes because I was the second worst -dressed kid in my middle school.

[156] I always like pretty girls.

[157] And when you're the second worst dress kid and your mom cut your hair and you nerdy and quiet, they don't really like you too much.

[158] No. It's easy to overlook.

[159] Couple strikes against you.

[160] Yeah, it's like, strike, strike, strike.

[161] You're so fucking cute, though.

[162] I find it hard to believe, right, Monica?

[163] You've really turned into a handsome gentleman.

[164] Well, I turned into.

[165] It's like, oh, my God, that caterpillar sure can fly.

[166] No one ever says that.

[167] What beautiful wings that caterpillar will have one day.

[168] Well, I wonder, hey, I got into hairdressing at that age, junior high, and primarily because I wasn't wild about how I looked.

[169] And I was like, oh, I think I can make my hair distracting enough and exciting enough that that'll get the attention.

[170] And then it also exudes some kind of confidence that I didn't actually have, but it worked.

[171] And I wonder if, like, the clothing thing was like something you can manipulate to control how you were seeing.

[172] That's the only reason.

[173] why I did it.

[174] So as I'm finding out later in life, like, I believe that I may have had like Asperger's since I was a kid and just didn't fucking know it.

[175] I'm super antisocial, real introverted, serious empath, you know, I got Tourette's and shit, all kind of different shit.

[176] So I was just not a cool kid.

[177] I didn't feel cool in myself.

[178] I just felt weird all the time for like a little alien.

[179] Yeah.

[180] And yeah, shit was not sweet, but I tutored a cheerleader.

[181] And she told me like, I think if you dress better, I think girls would like you.

[182] You're a nice guy, but you look like, shit.

[183] Like, you got to change this.

[184] So that's what it was for me. I was like, man, I'll do anything.

[185] Like, and fashion was like the only thing that I could like naturally do.

[186] And so by the time I got to Memphis, like, this is back in Little Rock.

[187] I used to live in Little Rock.

[188] By the time I got to Memphis, I'm 15.

[189] Even though I don't feel like the cool kid, if I dress like the It kid, maybe they'll think I'm the It kid long enough for me to become the It kid.

[190] and that's exactly how it happened.

[191] Oh, I'm relating to you so much.

[192] First, let's go back.

[193] So I don't think I have what you could call Tourette's, but I certainly had a level of OCD, which I had a ton of ticks, and I did a ton of stuff repetitively.

[194] It was like a prison.

[195] I always tell this, like going, I had to be bare naked to shit, which is his own thing.

[196] And then I also had to squat on the toilet.

[197] I couldn't sit on it.

[198] And then I also had to take the toilet paper and run it out the bathroom and touch the wall in the hallway, then come back, but I had to do everything twice.

[199] so I had to do that twice, but I was naked and I had to make sure no one in my family saw me. I mean, it was fucking bonkers.

[200] Yeah, I feel you.

[201] Fuck.

[202] I thought, man, okay.

[203] Did you ever read the David Sedaris short story Plague of Ticks?

[204] Uh -uh.

[205] Oh, you've got to read it.

[206] I've never read anything that I felt made me feel so seen.

[207] I was like, oh, my God, yes, that was my childhood.

[208] And then he explains him getting over it by like, he started smoking cigarettes.

[209] And I was like, oh, yeah, about the time I started smoking cigarettes.

[210] smoking cigarettes.

[211] I feel like I started letting some of those things drop.

[212] Yeah.

[213] Same.

[214] That started smoking cigarettes and we, I was 14.

[215] Yeah.

[216] But yeah, like, I mean, some of the ticks still linger, like my eyes twitch all the time.

[217] Uh -huh.

[218] But I used to make sounds with my throat.

[219] Yeah.

[220] Yeah.

[221] Yeah.

[222] It was everything.

[223] And like, things have to be perfectly placed.

[224] Like, right now, if you look at my desk, it's fucking wacky.

[225] Like, yeah, I got food and shit.

[226] But I have all my books have to be organized a certain way.

[227] There has been so much of the other one still.

[228] exposed like they've got to be left justified or center justified or right justified it's real trippy well the yellow handbag though hold on go back up because the yellow handbag to me is causing great anxiety so that's got a little bit on an angle but they're matching they are parallel yeah they're all at the same they have to whoa someone fucking move them oh my god housekeeping housekeeping moving Holy shit.

[229] Oh, my God.

[230] But this is kind of an asset for fashion.

[231] Fuck, yeah.

[232] Like an obsession with aesthetic and balance and evenness.

[233] The way things look.

[234] Yeah.

[235] Hold on.

[236] The listener doesn't know what just happened.

[237] Like, you just got real serious and you started adjusting those three bags as if there was like a leak in the roof that was going to ruin the rest of the house.

[238] Yeah, like I felt that shit in my soul.

[239] I got a couple follow -up questions.

[240] So one of the voices I used to make all the time was like, I had to check that I could make that highest -pitched squeak in my throat all the time where I had to go like, like I had to just let it catch.

[241] That wasn't yours.

[242] Were yours more deep?

[243] Mine were goofy as shit.

[244] But I used to grunt.

[245] Oh, my God.

[246] I think I love you.

[247] Yeah.

[248] Like, if I fucking do it, so you hear it, I'll be doing it for the next five to do it.

[249] Don't do it.

[250] Don't do it.

[251] Don't do it.

[252] And then the eye thing, not to set that off, but my eye thing was like, I had this tremendous fear that I wouldn't be able to stretch my eyes.

[253] And so I had to just keep checking that I could stretch them and, you know what I'm saying?

[254] Roll them real high up.

[255] Just, yep, I can do it.

[256] But then two seconds later, I have the same fear I can't do it again.

[257] I don't even realize I'm fucking doing it.

[258] I don't even realize I'm fucking doing it.

[259] I'll be like, yo, what's up with your eyes?

[260] I'm like, what?

[261] I was like, oh, shit.

[262] I don't have made my eyes be doing that thing.

[263] You're owning it in the best way, though.

[264] Did you watch the Billy Elish documentary by chance?

[265] Uh -uh.

[266] Oh, my God.

[267] You got to see it.

[268] Because she's got to Res too, right?

[269] She does.

[270] And they don't shy away from it.

[271] So they'll show her whole, she'll get clearly, like, caught on one.

[272] And she's in it for a minute.

[273] And I love that they left it in because I had that shit.

[274] And I was so fearful that it was so repulsive to everyone.

[275] And watching this young, beautiful girl who's so talented do that.

[276] And I'm like, yeah, I don't give a fuck about that.

[277] Like, that wouldn't.

[278] Bother me at all.

[279] At all.

[280] It's encouraging.

[281] I think we all used to believe that all the famous people were like superhuman and they were perfect.

[282] Now we're finding out, no, they're all fucking weird.

[283] Which makes us weirdos more comfortable being weird.

[284] Yeah.

[285] You're right.

[286] It's helpful.

[287] Like growing up, all the people I thought were rad.

[288] It didn't occur to me they were addicts.

[289] It didn't occur to me. They were like on their fifth divorce.

[290] They couldn't keep a relationship together.

[291] It didn't occur to me. They didn't have relationships with their children.

[292] I was just like Keith Richards, man. He can play a lick like no one else.

[293] End a story.

[294] And that's just not how it is.

[295] No. All right.

[296] So I knew I had the ticks and the OCD stuff, but someone said to me, you know what that's about?

[297] And I said, no, what's it about?

[298] And she said, you're taking control over something because you're out of control everywhere else.

[299] And then when I kind of went back in time, I was like, oh, yeah, that all started with the arrival of my first stepdad.

[300] And so I was like, wow, it's just like that, huh?

[301] And I was just wondering if you had that kind of like connection at any point.

[302] Mine started when I was, right when we moved from Germany to the States.

[303] So I was born in Germany, so I grew up over there for a while until I was like six.

[304] And then we moved to North Carolina.

[305] And I remember being maybe seven in our little house in North Carolina.

[306] I was sitting on the floor watching TV and I kept making these noises and I couldn't fucking stop making them.

[307] And my dad kept getting annoyed.

[308] He was like, hey, so I'm making them noises.

[309] I was like, what noise is?

[310] He's like, noise you keep making with your mouth.

[311] Stop.

[312] Oh, okay.

[313] And then a few minutes later, I'm doing it again.

[314] He's like, hey, I got to keep telling you this shit.

[315] You're going to have to go to your room now.

[316] I'm like, I don't quite know what you're talking about, but I'll make sure I don't do it.

[317] And I did it again.

[318] He's like, all right, that's it.

[319] Go to your room.

[320] Turns out, he told me he used to have ticks.

[321] He told me later.

[322] But his parents was old school.

[323] So he's like, if you tick and I'm going to beat your ass.

[324] Like, it was that type of thing.

[325] Yeah.

[326] Dad's back then, too, were like, he probably immediately saw that this could be something that made you vulnerable to other boys.

[327] boys, like, to pick on.

[328] Oh, yeah.

[329] So you're just like, you're terrified.

[330] If I don't break this habit for my son, he's just going to be a pariah.

[331] Definitely.

[332] Oh, bullying?

[333] I could write a book about that shit.

[334] You must have been a military kid, yeah, if you were born in Germany.

[335] Yeah.

[336] And my dad was like a drill sergeant.

[337] So he was a hard ass.

[338] Uh -huh.

[339] And I'm the oldest son.

[340] So me being the way I am, like, I'm very masculine, but I'm very like, not masculine.

[341] I'm very like, I don't want to do that.

[342] I don't want to get my hands dirty.

[343] Uh, sure, sure.

[344] I don't want to sweat like, oh, God, that stinks.

[345] I'm that type.

[346] I've always been that way.

[347] Yeah.

[348] And he was just like, what the fuck?

[349] What did I do wrong?

[350] And now he's got twitches.

[351] Oh, my God.

[352] These kids are going to kick of that.

[353] It's stressful.

[354] Grade school and middle school was rough because I didn't realize that it was Tourette's until high school.

[355] Because I was like, I can't be the only person who's doing this.

[356] And I saw somebody who actually had something similar and someone called it a tick.

[357] And I was like, what the fuck is a tick?

[358] And I looked it up and like, oh, that's what I get.

[359] You know, so it was relief.

[360] It was like, oh, my God.

[361] And then, you know, doing more research, you just find out, like, okay, there's a reason why I am the way I am.

[362] Because I'm the only one in my family that's really, like, weird.

[363] You're probably the only one in your family that's a famous clothing designer, though, too.

[364] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[365] That's right.

[366] I forget about that sometimes.

[367] It's all a double -edged sword, right?

[368] It is.

[369] It is.

[370] I'm grateful for it.

[371] Tourette's was so under the radar.

[372] Like, nobody knew it was a thing.

[373] thing, I feel like until Oprah did an episode about Tourette's.

[374] And I feel like everyone was like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.

[375] I know people who have that.

[376] Everyone knew somebody who had a little bit of it and didn't know what to explain it by.

[377] Yeah, everyone just thought it was like, oh, that's a weird thing.

[378] But nobody knew really what to say it was.

[379] In the 90s, we thought Tourette's was the person that's just like saying foul shit loud for no reason.

[380] We thought that was Tourette's.

[381] Exactly.

[382] Screaming obscenities different ways.

[383] Oh, my God, I don't do that.

[384] But I also, I can't keep my mouth shut.

[385] Like, I'm that person.

[386] It's like, something's out of place.

[387] I can be in someone else's house and a painting is on the wall and it's crooked.

[388] And I'm just like, I have to climb up there and I have to fix that shit.

[389] I can't take it.

[390] Uh -huh.

[391] Now, back to this stereotypical feminine, masculine thing.

[392] Part of my, like, oh, I'm going to have crazy hair.

[393] I also dressed crazy.

[394] I also, like, fucked with feminine stuff.

[395] Like, I had long hair so I would French braid it.

[396] or I'd wear, like, hairbands to pull my hair back that women wear.

[397] In high school?

[398] Yeah, in high school.

[399] I used a bad mother.

[400] I was also big, so it was easier for me to get away with.

[401] I recognize that.

[402] But to me, it fell into the same category as, like, the hair and everything else.

[403] To me, it was like a trick.

[404] Like, oh, this is what dudes are the most afraid to do.

[405] And if I do it, it's somehow going to imbue some confidence to people.

[406] Yeah, I mean, even in high school, like, no one wore pink.

[407] When I was coming up, Hugh didn't wear pink.

[408] That's just not a thing.

[409] I wore the shit out of pink because no one else would do it.

[410] I wore flowers on my shirts.

[411] I had, like, I've got nice hands.

[412] This hand is a normal -looking hand, but this hand is different looking.

[413] It is, yeah.

[414] So in high school, like, I had longer nails, and I would have girls filing my nails in class.

[415] I was a dude, you know, I used to arch my eyebrows.

[416] I have a nice eyebrow arch that I made them real perfect, real pretty.

[417] So a little shit like that I did that I knew guys would look at, and they would say some shit.

[418] People definitely had their fair shit to say.

[419] I have a theory.

[420] There's almost no bad clothes.

[421] If they're tailored to you, it's hard to look bad.

[422] It's like the key.

[423] If shit fits you, it almost doesn't matter what you're wearing.

[424] That's 100%.

[425] Your shit can be mismatched.

[426] You can literally have three different patterns on.

[427] A jacket, pant, and a shirt, all that shit can be off.

[428] If the tailoring is impeccable, people will applaud you all day long.

[429] Yeah.

[430] This was just introduced to me, of course, because I'm on television.

[431] And I would have never figured this out as just a normal deal.

[432] dude.

[433] But I started having things.

[434] You bring over a suit.

[435] Who cares?

[436] Then they measure you.

[437] They bring it back.

[438] And you put it on.

[439] You're like, oh, my God, now this thing's insane.

[440] And the suit didn't change.

[441] Keep looking at yourself.

[442] Yeah.

[443] Look at these shoulders.

[444] Well, we're laying an airplane on these things.

[445] So how did you get to the point where you're like, oh, I'm going to do this professionally?

[446] So, you know, after having that conversation with the cheerleader at 13, she told me to check out clothes.

[447] And I started doing it.

[448] Then like 15, we moved.

[449] We moved to Memphis.

[450] And I just changed my whole thing because I was like, no one here has ever seen you.

[451] So there's no stigma that's following you.

[452] So whatever I present is who I am until I present something different.

[453] I figured that out on the car ride from Little Rock to Memphis.

[454] And I like came up with this character.

[455] You're talking about someone who was, I was the least secure person you'd ever seen in your life.

[456] I had no self -esteem.

[457] It was terrible.

[458] And then I instantly, because I put on the clothing of someone who had very high self -esteem, I became someone with high self -esteem.

[459] So I'm doing that.

[460] And I recognize like, shit, all the girls like me, all the dudes think I'm super cool.

[461] I'm very popular.

[462] This is crazy.

[463] It's because of these clothes.

[464] It's got to be the clothes.

[465] And then so I started doing it for other kids.

[466] Like, my brother needed some help.

[467] So I changed his image.

[468] And then his whole shit changed.

[469] And then other kids at school started seeing me like, hey, man, how do you put your colors together like that, man?

[470] How do your clothes fit like that?

[471] So I started letting kids come shopping with me. Like, look, pay me $20.

[472] I'll let you come shopping with me this weekend.

[473] And I'll put you up on game.

[474] Oh, wow.

[475] Yeah, so fast forward to senior year.

[476] And I'm like, okay, I'm about to graduate what I want to do.

[477] I'm always wanted to be an architect because I can draw really well.

[478] I'm a math like wizard.

[479] So I just thought it made sense.

[480] Then I thought about finance.

[481] I was like, man, I could do so many things to make money.

[482] I don't know.

[483] One day it hit me like, you're not going to actually want to do that shit forever though.

[484] You're not going to want to do any of those things.

[485] What would you really want to do?

[486] It's like fashion is just so real.

[487] Like you were a nerdy, quiet, insecure kid whose whole life changed because of one fucking word.

[488] That word is fashion.

[489] Nothing else.

[490] Nothing else in your life changed except for fashion.

[491] You need to commit yourself to fashion.

[492] You owe fashion a debt of gratitude.

[493] So it was just me like making like a universal commitment like, all right, you know what?

[494] You're right.

[495] I do old fashion a debt of gratitude.

[496] It did all the shit that nothing else could do.

[497] So I'm going to commit myself.

[498] I'm going to figure this out.

[499] And so I go and I tell my dad, hey, I made a decision.

[500] I know what I'm going to do in my life.

[501] He's like, what do you want to do?

[502] I want to be a fashion designer.

[503] What?

[504] Dude in the military.

[505] What the fuck is the fashion designer?

[506] And the crazy thing is because I had like 15 scholarships.

[507] I had so many scholarships to do everything but fashion from Stanford, Yale, Rhodes.

[508] I mean, so many amazing schools.

[509] And I was like, yeah, I'm not taking none of these.

[510] Oh, that'd be hard as a parent.

[511] Yeah, it was, he didn't like it.

[512] So we had a nice little blow up.

[513] But I think just being that committed to it is what said, okay, you're really going to do this.

[514] Because my dad is a ferocious character.

[515] He was like not to be played with.

[516] So to stand up to the only person that you actually would fear and declare, I'm going to do this with my life, you really meant that shit.

[517] And that just set me on a path.

[518] Like from the time I was 18, I just was like, I'm going to figure out how to do this fashion shit.

[519] Took a long time.

[520] It took a lot of crap.

[521] You tailored yourself and stuff?

[522] Oh, yeah, I made Master Taylor.

[523] So did you apprentice with somebody?

[524] No, self -taught.

[525] I obsessed over, man. Like, I started sewing when I was 13 as like a covert hobby.

[526] No one in my family knew I was sewing.

[527] And I did that all the way through high school.

[528] So by the time I'm done in high school, I'm familiar with the machine.

[529] I know what to do with it.

[530] I wanted to apprentice, but no tailors would take me on.

[531] They were like, hell no, I'm not teaching you shit.

[532] Yeah.

[533] So I just took out my machine and I would just make stuff.

[534] I would like find baby clothes to make or just dresses, just all.

[535] kind of shit.

[536] I would just do stuff on the machine.

[537] And then I recognize that Memphis was not the place for me to get rich as a designer.

[538] But I could make some money doing alterations because everyone wears clothes and no one shit fits as good as mine.

[539] So let me master that.

[540] Let me become the best possible alterations tailor.

[541] And then boom, problem solved.

[542] So I started doing that.

[543] I started a business doing alterations tailoring when I was like 21 for a bunch of cleaners.

[544] And then I opened a shop at 22.

[545] I started doing personal tailoring, like, after I closed the shop at 24, and I was just that guy who knows how to make the clothes fit perfectly.

[546] I obsessed over.

[547] I wanted to be the absolute best.

[548] I'm one of those guys.

[549] I don't want someone else's shit to be better than mine.

[550] That means I just didn't apply myself.

[551] And there was no alterations Taylor in Memphis who could touch me. It was very cool.

[552] When you decided, oh, I got to go to New York, what was the game plan when you got to New York?

[553] Honestly, the game plan for New York was I had maxed out what I thought was my capabilities in Memphis.

[554] I thought I'd grown as much as I could.

[555] I was like, okay, I need some real pressure.

[556] I'm going to go to New York, and I'm going to tailor for some big clothing brands.

[557] And I tailored for Hiki Freeman.

[558] They're big on suits.

[559] And I tailored for this company called Take Six.

[560] They were in a same category with Breone.

[561] Actually, I had applied to Brioni, and they gave my information to Take Six, the most expensive clothes I'd ever seen in my life.

[562] And I'm there every day in my mid -20.

[563] by hand.

[564] All the other tailors are like 50s, 60, and I'm in my mid -20s.

[565] The only black kid.

[566] And I'm the only black kid in any of these tailor shops.

[567] But I'm like super young and I'm American.

[568] They're like, oh, what country are you from?

[569] I don't know you from.

[570] I'm like, Memphis.

[571] Barbecue Island.

[572] Now, I wonder if it was a double -edged sword where it was like, you were a novelty.

[573] So in some way it, like, cracked the door.

[574] But then when you got there, you realize, oh, the expectations are still going to be limited because I'm black?

[575] Like, how did that play out?

[576] No, it definitely was not a novelty.

[577] Like, it never played to my advantage, not the race nor the age.

[578] No one ever took me seriously.

[579] A, because it's like no one ever knew a black tailor.

[580] I mean, now it's a lot more prevalent because of what tailors have done.

[581] But back then, hell no, you just didn't know of any.

[582] And they weren't young.

[583] So for me to be this young kid who's American, I'm English speaking.

[584] They're like, why are you doing this, dude?

[585] This is supposed to be for people who can't do other shit.

[586] Right.

[587] This is like grunt work.

[588] Why are you doing this?

[589] I'm like, yo, it's the coolest shit in the world.

[590] So it was always, okay, well, we're going to have to test your skill.

[591] All right, cool.

[592] I'd be doing like hours of fucking free tailoring just because they don't believe I can do this shit.

[593] And then they're like, oh, damn, he can actually do this shit.

[594] He did a good job.

[595] It was fast.

[596] Okay, well, we'll start you, but we're not going to pay you what you're worth, of course.

[597] So no one ever paid me what I was worth.

[598] But it was like, all right.

[599] cool.

[600] I'm gonna get in.

[601] I'm gonna get the experience and I'm gonna level up.

[602] So I did that in New York and then the market crash.

[603] So I had almost a year of working for these two companies.

[604] I was working them both at the same time to just become a better tailor.

[605] I just wanted to be the best fucking tailor.

[606] And where's the addiction at at this point?

[607] There isn't any.

[608] Oh, okay.

[609] You're regulating your internal emotions with your external work at this point.

[610] Which is weird because I was going through some shit.

[611] Like, I had just gone through a very, very, very tumultuous divorce at a young age.

[612] I had a kid.

[613] You know, so it was a lot of shit, but I was busy.

[614] I was way too busy.

[615] I had two jobs.

[616] I was in a new city.

[617] It wasn't on my radar.

[618] I think when I got back to Memphis, I definitely started drinking more.

[619] I started smoking cigarettes a lot more.

[620] And I had this responsibility.

[621] I'm raising my daughter now by myself because her mom is like dip.

[622] So now I'm like, holy shit, I got this two -year -old girl.

[623] I'm a fucking dude.

[624] I don't know what I'm doing.

[625] Yeah.

[626] So I couldn't really engage in many addictions at that point because they're pretty time consuming.

[627] Yeah.

[628] It was definitely plenty of times where my daughter was like woke me up from a drunken stupor.

[629] But when we moved to the West Coast, I think the first time I did Coke was in San Diego.

[630] First time I did Molly was in San Diego.

[631] A lot of my first were in San Diego.

[632] Yay.

[633] Way to go, San Diego.

[634] It's a beautiful setting to try all those drugs, yeah.

[635] If you got to pick a place to get introduced to Coke and Malay.

[636] You could do worse.

[637] You could do worse.

[638] I mean, it's all about perspective, man. You know, it's all about perspective.

[639] Gaslight district on some gack.

[640] Why not?

[641] You know what I'm saying?

[642] Little Italy on some white girl.

[643] But, you know, so that was that.

[644] But, you know, I was down there with my brother.

[645] My brother had done all the drugs.

[646] Like, he was the wild motherfucker.

[647] So he was a rock star of the family.

[648] So now I'm here in San Diego with him.

[649] It's me, him, and my daughter.

[650] He's still doing way more shit than me because I have the responsibility.

[651] But every now and then, and it would usually be like when my daughter wasn't around.

[652] So for a period, you know, my daughter was staying with my mom because I was sleeping on someone's couch.

[653] And that was probably when I started doing coke.

[654] But, you know, it was just like little casual shit.

[655] We had started a hangover cure companies.

[656] Like me and my brother and we had a partner.

[657] And so part of the hangover cure is you have to be drunk as someone.

[658] fuck for this thing to work.

[659] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[660] We're constantly having parties to prove how well this thing works.

[661] So we're getting drunk every single day just to get undrunk.

[662] But, you know, like, it still creates a dependence in your body where you're used to a thing you shouldn't be used to.

[663] Yeah, yeah.

[664] But, you know, we're young and invincible, man, you know.

[665] So fast forward, I get to L .A. While I was in St. Diego, my dad had died real sudden.

[666] And, you know, he was 52, so that bothered me. It was like, oh, he had a stint with him.

[667] drinking.

[668] He had like two years of hard drinking.

[669] You know, depression.

[670] He and my mom split.

[671] Two of his sisters had died.

[672] He just, he took it real hard and he's an empath.

[673] So he took it real hard and he just started drinking like crazy.

[674] Yeah.

[675] And then one day he was like, you know what?

[676] I'm done with this shit.

[677] This is stupid.

[678] Let me stop this shit before I fuck my shit up.

[679] Too late.

[680] And he was making all the arrangements to like get his life together and doing all this big shit and he's so optimistic with his new outlook and then boom.

[681] Oh, that is so young, man, 52.

[682] It was brutal.

[683] And so I'm dealing with that.

[684] And then my ex -wife shows up and she's like, hey, I've been a terrible mom, but I love to have a relationship with Ava.

[685] It's my daughter.

[686] She's like, what do you think?

[687] I talked to my kid, and I don't want to be one of them parents.

[688] It's like, well, no, I have custody.

[689] You're never going to see her again.

[690] Like, I don't want to fuck my daughter up.

[691] So I agreed to it, and it turned into a nightmare.

[692] Like, a nightmare of, like, them not ever wanting to give you a daughter.

[693] daughter back.

[694] Like, what the fuck just happened?

[695] Yeah.

[696] And so I was dealing with all kind of shit.

[697] And then just that and then being broke and then being here by myself.

[698] And then Coke might not be the easiest thing to find in Memphis.

[699] But I tell you what, it's easiest to get in Starbucks latte in Los Angeles.

[700] Yeah.

[701] Yeah.

[702] Yeah.

[703] Here, man, I went to Bar -Marmont.

[704] Shout out, Chateau Marmont.

[705] It's so cool.

[706] You're going to bathroom.

[707] And they're doing Coke on the stalls, man. Like, hey, bro, how are you doing, man?

[708] You look really cool.

[709] Hey, you want to come do some of this Coke with us?

[710] You guys are so friendly here in Los Angeles.

[711] Wow.

[712] I'm dealing with all this shit that I just didn't take time to deal with.

[713] And drugs and alcohol and sex make you not have to deal with shit.

[714] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[715] If you dare.

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[751] I'm wondering if you have a similar thing I did, which is so low self -esteem, no girls like me at all.

[752] Then I got this crazy haircut.

[753] All of a sudden, the popular girls started like me. and then that became a source of self -esteem for me, women, like in a very unhealthy, not fair to them way.

[754] Approval from someone I think shouldn't like me. That was the ultimate bump up.

[755] I wasn't very promiscuous in high school, but I did love the attention, and I knew that I could command the attention.

[756] I knew how to do that in life.

[757] But then, you know, I got married.

[758] I was in a committed relationship for a long time, but that went south.

[759] I got cheated on for maybe five years of my six -year marriage.

[760] And so the last year was like, my turn.

[761] And I had to play catch up.

[762] Right.

[763] And so it just turned something on that didn't acknowledge the sanctity of sex.

[764] Yeah.

[765] Being a guy, like, I've never been a macho, misogynistic type of guy, but that's how most guys are.

[766] So it's like this affirmation.

[767] You get your value affirmed from guys and think, oh, you're just shit, man. Hey, this motherfucker right here.

[768] Hey, you should have seen.

[769] Cah.

[770] Hey, my umbrella chopping them down.

[771] Hey, Cud, bad out here.

[772] Yeah, so that's the other layer, too, is like, A, you're getting validation from women, which I so craved.

[773] And then also, all of a sudden, dudes think you're like the apex of what a dude's supposed to be doing.

[774] It's like working on both levels until you're older.

[775] And you're like, oh, that girl really cared about me. And I was fucking terrible to her.

[776] And that girl, yeah.

[777] And left scars, especially like when you come from a space of not being the alpha to being handed the crown of alpha, you can be alpha as long as you continue.

[778] alpha behavior.

[779] And I like the way this feels.

[780] Everyone high fives me when I walk by.

[781] I don't realize that I'm depleting my soul for high fives.

[782] Well, everyone finds their little road, right?

[783] So the dudes who are great at fighting, guess what?

[784] They shockingly fought every weekend.

[785] And then all the dudes high five them.

[786] And then the dudes who had a cool car, guess what?

[787] They fucking drove the car everywhere.

[788] So yeah, the dude that everyone likes that they can get laid, that's what he's going to do.

[789] It's all nasty.

[790] It's all nasty.

[791] Just because you have a skill doesn't mean that that's your power.

[792] Yeah.

[793] Yeah.

[794] And so I just moved like that for a while and then hurt people, hurt people.

[795] And I was scarred from this marriage and I got in another relationship.

[796] And it was cool.

[797] Like I was, I was cool.

[798] I was amazing.

[799] But then it went south.

[800] I just felt rejected.

[801] I just felt this sense of rejection because I couldn't get the old relationship that I had just lost back.

[802] I didn't care about the marriage, but like, I was like, you know what?

[803] I'm going to go out here and declare my value.

[804] And I went fucking crazy.

[805] And then it just became like my frequency.

[806] And I was just, you know what?

[807] That's what I'm going to be now.

[808] I'm a playboy.

[809] I've been single for 14 years.

[810] Like, I just got in a relationship recently.

[811] You know, like, now I look back and it's like, man, I did a lot of stupid shit.

[812] Yeah.

[813] And I found a lot of my value in sex.

[814] If I was depressed or if I was mad or fucked up about something, rather than like, man, why am I fucked up about this?

[815] Why am I upset?

[816] Why do I feel minimized?

[817] I wouldn't do that.

[818] I'd say, I need to dominate something.

[819] And I would just pick up my phone and just.

[820] send out eight different SOSs and whoever responds first is getting my soul.

[821] Yeah.

[822] Oh my God.

[823] I was driving a car one time and I had a fight with a girlfriend that had much more power than I had in the relationship.

[824] And we got in this fight on the call and I have been monogamous to that point.

[825] And I hung up and I got a wave of horniness like straight.

[826] I'm so fucking horny right now.

[827] I have got to call this one girl.

[828] And I just had a moment to think.

[829] I was like, hmm that's pretty interesting like you just got physically horny out of nowhere after a fight that was the first time I thought and I was sober by the way at that point and I was like oh that's really interesting that I had this physiological response to basically feeling less than on this phone call and that my brain's that smart that it made me feel physically horny and I was like oh my god that's how deep it is as a mechanism for me to regulate not feeling bad it blew my mind I would I never thought it's your body protecting you, in my case at least, from not wanting to feel less than or shitty.

[830] Absolutely.

[831] I mean, and it makes perfect sense.

[832] It is a defense mechanism.

[833] You feel small.

[834] Now, a sudden, you feel big.

[835] Like, you feel more powerful, more dominant.

[836] And if you're not aware of it, then you just move with it wrong.

[837] And I didn't recognize it as an addiction until my final stint in the homeless shelter.

[838] And that's when it hit me like, hmm, you have some things that are wrong with you.

[839] But you have to acknowledge, like, there's some shit you do that's not normal.

[840] Your sexual relationships are not normal.

[841] I would do coke by myself in the house.

[842] I have to get some work done.

[843] Oh, that fuck, let me get some coke.

[844] Let me do some coke.

[845] Hey, you know, man, I really feel down today.

[846] I mean, it's like, no, Jack, there's coffee, there's all kind of shit.

[847] Go for a walk.

[848] But what I was doing was masking all these things.

[849] I felt like less of a man because I couldn't help my dad.

[850] There's nothing.

[851] I sat at his bedside and I watched them die.

[852] There's nothing I could do.

[853] My daughter, going to New York, it's like, I wanted to change that.

[854] But her mother and stepdad had more money than me at the time.

[855] So it's like, fuck, I felt less than my relationships with women.

[856] Like, I'm still less than because I can't give you more.

[857] Yeah.

[858] So you were employed in L .A., right?

[859] And then obviously all the different things we're talking about right now landed you at a shelter.

[860] Yeah, so I worked at the Beverly Center.

[861] Right in good old sunny Beverly Hills.

[862] My very first retail job, but it wasn't until I quit my job.

[863] Like, I started my business.

[864] The first weekend I was in business, I did like $17 ,000, which to a broke person, that's a lot of money.

[865] Oh, yeah.

[866] I got this beautiful apartment downtown, this beautiful loft.

[867] And I literally took my rent money to get coat and alcohol and other shit and ended up getting evicted.

[868] So that was my, like, first stint of homelessness in L .A. I found this 8 by 10 storage unit.

[869] And they had a little sink so I could take a little bird baths and shit.

[870] So I slept there for three months.

[871] And then I got a notification that they were selling the building to some developers.

[872] They turned into beautiful condos.

[873] The guy who now runs my operation, we were just buddies.

[874] But he had given me a key to his office so that if I ever had like an alterations client or something, I could use his office.

[875] So I'm going to sleep in his office now that I can't sleep in my storage unit.

[876] I slept in an office chair for four months, taking more bird bath.

[877] I had a rich client who stole 15 ,000 from me, which took the money away that I needed to move into my own place.

[878] But I'm still dealing with depression.

[879] I didn't realize how depressed I was.

[880] And it would just come up out of nowhere.

[881] And when it came up, like the only way to deal with it is, I got to find something to mask this feeling.

[882] Like you've fallen in, there's nothing for you to grab.

[883] Yeah.

[884] I looked up and I'm like in hell.

[885] I'm like, how the fuck did you get here?

[886] Good looking kid.

[887] Yeah.

[888] Good looking talented, articulate kid.

[889] And how the fuck did you get here?

[890] And I spent two months blaming everyone else.

[891] It's not my fault I'm here.

[892] This guy stole money from me. He ripped me off.

[893] Yeah, my ex -wife.

[894] Exactly, my ex -wife.

[895] Even Tamara's not escaping this.

[896] I'm probably finding some ways.

[897] It's her fault somehow.

[898] But it was everyone's fault.

[899] You know, I had called some friends, let them know, hey, man, I am up shit Creek.

[900] Can I crash into your couch for a second, maybe like a day or two?

[901] And they were all like, no. We don't do the couch thing.

[902] And I was like, what?

[903] I thought we were friends.

[904] No, now I can blame all of them too.

[905] Yeah.

[906] I can blame my parents for not being rich.

[907] If they were rich of my dad, I hadn't fucking die without his life insurance policy, then I would have gotten some money.

[908] Oh, woe is me. Why has God turned on me?

[909] And it was hell.

[910] It was terrible.

[911] Self pity vortex.

[912] Self pity vortex.

[913] Yeah.

[914] The bad thing with that is you can't find solutions when you're in a state of pity.

[915] You're not thinking of solutions.

[916] So I'm chasing this one guy for 15 ,000.

[917] he's never going to pay me. Instead of going out and he fucking just getting it.

[918] Yeah.

[919] So I'm bad off like days where it's like shit because the shelter, you still got to pay $13 to come back every day.

[920] So it ain't free.

[921] You're still going to spend 400 of the month, like $3 .90 to basically to come to jail.

[922] And watch dudes kick heroin in the middle of the night.

[923] You know what I'm saying?

[924] Like literally, they snore like fucking wild animals.

[925] You're taking communal baths and shit with them and it's just fucking weird.

[926] And so I just had a mental break.

[927] And you know, I couldn't tell anyone.

[928] I couldn't tell my mom.

[929] She'd have freaked out.

[930] She'd have had a heart attack.

[931] I couldn't have told my brothers because they'd have told my mom.

[932] So literally, I have to eat this.

[933] I have to hold this.

[934] I couldn't even tell my ex -wife.

[935] I still had to pay child support every month.

[936] I had to find money to pay child support, and I couldn't even feed myself because I couldn't let them find out because they always made me feel bad about not having as much money as they did.

[937] That's why I couldn't get my daughter back.

[938] So it was like, oh, man, I'm in a bad spot.

[939] And so one day I just I think I just had a mental break and I was on the phone with this client and I was cussing out his voicemail.

[940] I hung up the phone and that is when God stepped in.

[941] I hung up the phone and I heard loud laughter like someone was in my ear laughing hysterically.

[942] And I'm in the shelter mind, you know, I turn around.

[943] I'm like, I know a bum ain't any of them were laughing at me. So I spin around and there's no one in the room.

[944] I hear it again.

[945] Where's this laughter coming from?

[946] And then, boom, a voice just started speaking to me. And I just recognized it as God's voice.

[947] So I knew like...

[948] Time to listen.

[949] It's time to listen.

[950] It was mocking me at first because I hung up the phone like, yeah, I'm such a badass.

[951] I'm going to tell this super rich dude to pay my money or else.

[952] And so God mocked me and was like, you're so big and bad.

[953] You're just going to make him.

[954] You're just going to make this man give you this money that he ain't given you.

[955] this whole time.

[956] You're just so bad.

[957] Look at you.

[958] Ooh, it's just funny how you've chosen to make this man your God.

[959] Instead of acknowledging me as God.

[960] You haven't come to me one time.

[961] You go to this guy every single day.

[962] Uh -huh.

[963] Say out loud that you'll never call this guy again, that you'll never inquire about this money, that you don't want it.

[964] He can't be the reason you got out of this.

[965] God has to be the reason that you got out of this.

[966] So say it out loud.

[967] And I had to say it out loud.

[968] I'll never call this guy again.

[969] I'll never ask him this money again.

[970] I don't fucking want it.

[971] Yeah.

[972] Surrender.

[973] I had to surrender, man. That gave me so much freedom.

[974] And then God was like, all right, cool.

[975] We're going to work on you.

[976] And just pay attention.

[977] And that was it.

[978] And I went to sleep that night and I had this beautiful dream of the future.

[979] And I saw it so vividly, it's as if I was there.

[980] And I was like, wow, that's crazy.

[981] I had this dream of myself.

[982] And it seems like it was my, my future self.

[983] I woke up and I didn't feel defeated anymore.

[984] Like I woke up and I felt optimistic.

[985] I don't know, man, I've had shit like this before, like visions before.

[986] That seemed like one of those types of visions that's going to end up happening.

[987] And if that's the case, you ain't got shit to worry about.

[988] You should no longer worry if that's what your future's going to look like.

[989] I just thought about I was so obsessed with it all day.

[990] It's all I thought about was that dream.

[991] And I went to sleep and I'll tell you what, I went right back to the same dream.

[992] But I picked up But at the end of it, okay, pay attention this time.

[993] I'm in the dream and I'm telling myself consciously in my dream, pay attention.

[994] Notice what you look like.

[995] What are you wearing?

[996] What your hair look like?

[997] All this shit.

[998] I saw my car.

[999] It was in Maserati.

[1000] I was like, oh, shit, bro, you got a black Mazzarotti.

[1001] I opened the door.

[1002] I got in it.

[1003] The seats were like, Cordovin Brown.

[1004] Like, yo, this is lit.

[1005] I hug the steering wheel.

[1006] I wanted to feel it.

[1007] I got out.

[1008] There was a woman that was walking with me. And my car was parked sideways.

[1009] That is beautiful home with this foyer.

[1010] Like, wow, this is crazy.

[1011] And my hair was pink.

[1012] Ah.

[1013] And I was like, your hair is pink.

[1014] And they were like cameras flashing at me. And I was like, you're the center of attention.

[1015] Because at that point, I wasn't rich fresh.

[1016] I was just a dude that knew how to make clothes.

[1017] This is 2018.

[1018] When I woke up, I was like, okay, that was the future.

[1019] You just saw a glimpse of the future.

[1020] All right.

[1021] And my whole shit changed.

[1022] I was like, you're no longer homeless.

[1023] You're simply in the homeless chapter of your success book.

[1024] You're going to be filthy fucking rich.

[1025] You're going to be somebody important because that guy...

[1026] was very significant.

[1027] He had all the shit that you always wanted.

[1028] Like, he was the boss.

[1029] He was the guy.

[1030] He was top of the totem pole.

[1031] Every day, like, I would just, I had a different mentality about my reality at that point.

[1032] Like, oh, my God, this is going to be like pursuit of happiness.

[1033] Yo, it's like our version of pursuit of happiness.

[1034] Yo, it's so dope.

[1035] I'm so grateful.

[1036] You know what I'm saying?

[1037] Like, I started being grateful.

[1038] I started thinking, God, every day.

[1039] Like, yo, I'm so grateful for this new awareness that you've given me. I understand what's going to happen.

[1040] Everyone else here, they don't know.

[1041] what I know.

[1042] They might feel defeated.

[1043] Man, I am so victorious in this moment.

[1044] Once I had that like mental shift, money started coming in.

[1045] I was like, oh shit, I'm starting to make money.

[1046] But I wasn't ready to lead the shelter because I didn't have a plan.

[1047] I was like, fuck, you're actually starting to make a little bit of money.

[1048] Like, I look up and I have like $1 ,500 and like, oh, shit, I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

[1049] So what I need to do.

[1050] Spend that money to make more clothes.

[1051] Stay in this shelter until you have a plan.

[1052] Spend that money, make clothes, put that shit on the ground.

[1053] You're not going nowhere yet.

[1054] You're not homeless.

[1055] You're simply in a chapter.

[1056] Don't rush it.

[1057] And I was like, all right, so I did that shit.

[1058] And then three weeks, three to four weeks after the voice came to me, I was out of the shelter.

[1059] But it was different.

[1060] It was like, you'll never be back here.

[1061] This is the start of the most beautiful experience of your life.

[1062] But that was that.

[1063] I still didn't have, like, the power.

[1064] I hadn't kicked all my shit.

[1065] I was still an addict.

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] I was reintroduced to God.

[1068] I need to do something that's going to make me a lot of money.

[1069] I figured that hangover cure is going to make me super fucking rich.

[1070] Let's do it.

[1071] But in order to do it, effectively, I got to drink all the time.

[1072] And I have to promote other people drinking all the time.

[1073] And my soul got conflicted like, no, dude, your dad died from this, bro.

[1074] Your dad died from complications of like this.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] Don't do that.

[1077] That's not it.

[1078] So I stopped that.

[1079] And I was like, all right, well, I'll just do the clothes.

[1080] So then I get to this Airbnb, and now there's a rooftop.

[1081] There was a place for me to go every day and talk to God.

[1082] And I would just thank God, wow, I can remember when.

[1083] And then I got antsy and I asked God for more.

[1084] I appreciate this and all, but I feel like I'm entitled to more.

[1085] I shouldn't be satisfied with this.

[1086] I'm grateful.

[1087] I'm not satisfied.

[1088] So, like, it's time for more.

[1089] Like, I want more.

[1090] I think I'm worth more.

[1091] I'm ready for more.

[1092] Where's more?

[1093] And God was like, oh, you want more?

[1094] Yes, I want more, man. I can do it.

[1095] Like, I've taken everything on that you've ever given me. It's like, all right, cool, well, what more do you want?

[1096] I'm going to make $14 ,000 this month in the next 30 days.

[1097] How about that?

[1098] Okay, cool.

[1099] Real quick, though, what are you going to give up for that?

[1100] What do you mean, sir?

[1101] This shit ain't free.

[1102] You got to give up some.

[1103] What sacrifice are you willing to make for the thing that you would like for me to provide?

[1104] I was like, oh, and it was like, you know, give up three things, and I just got these flashes of what the three things should be.

[1105] It should be alcohol, it should be coke and cigarettes.

[1106] Those were connected because they were together.

[1107] If I did cigarettes, I'm doing coke.

[1108] And meat.

[1109] He was like, huh.

[1110] Okay, so I'll just eat sushi and fish.

[1111] And I only drink champagne and wine.

[1112] I won't do any more coke or cigarettes.

[1113] He was like, cool.

[1114] And that was it.

[1115] I went right back to like life as usual.

[1116] Like just putting shit on the gram, just doing normal shit.

[1117] It's like nothing out of ordinary.

[1118] I've never cold call once.

[1119] my rich, fresh career.

[1120] I've never called call.

[1121] I've never called someone that was not expecting my call to try and drum up business.

[1122] I've never had to walk into an office building to pass out cards.

[1123] Not one time.

[1124] I've never had to do any of that shit that I can't do.

[1125] Like, I'm not mentally, I'm not wired like that.

[1126] Everyone else can do that shit.

[1127] I can't.

[1128] I did my thing and I looked up 30 days later and I made exactly 14 racks.

[1129] And I was like, time it out.

[1130] That's fucking weird.

[1131] I just asked for 14 ,000.

[1132] Now you give me exactly 14 ,000.

[1133] So I went back.

[1134] I was like, hey, that was real cool.

[1135] Like, that was really different.

[1136] I like 14 ,000.

[1137] Yeah.

[1138] But that was too easy.

[1139] Like, I want more.

[1140] I think I could do 10 a week.

[1141] That 14 was too easy.

[1142] I could do 10 a week.

[1143] So let's do 40 this month.

[1144] All right.

[1145] Well, what else are you going to give up?

[1146] You got to give up more.

[1147] Jack, you're asking for more stuff.

[1148] I was like, oh, okay, well, I'll give up all meat.

[1149] And I'll give up all alcohol whatsoever.

[1150] And he's like, all right, cool.

[1151] So I went.

[1152] right back to work, didn't drink a single lick of anything, didn't eat any flesh, and I made $40 ,000 fucking dollars the next month.

[1153] I was like, what the fuck is happening?

[1154] And I'm like, yo, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[1155] I got another one.

[1156] This is true.

[1157] I'm going to keep trying this shit.

[1158] So I want $100 ,000 now.

[1159] I want $100 ,000.

[1160] He's like, all right, what are you willing to give up?

[1161] You got to make this some big and juicy, Jack.

[1162] I was like, I'll give up sex.

[1163] Like, I'll go sell a bit, but not just give up sex.

[1164] Like, I'll give up my hedonistic mindset.

[1165] I'll just become like more of a spirit man. I'm not going to even communicate with any women in a sexual manner.

[1166] Everything will just be on a spirit level.

[1167] I'm going to deal with everyone on a spirit level.

[1168] And he was like, all right, cool.

[1169] Do that for four months.

[1170] Commit to it, four months.

[1171] I was like, all right, God.

[1172] I'm going to do it for four months.

[1173] By the end of June, you'll be done.

[1174] But just commit to it for four months.

[1175] I was like, all right, God.

[1176] So actually it was three months because it was in April that I did it.

[1177] So it was April, May, June.

[1178] So I went these three months, and I was like, hmm, okay, that wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.

[1179] And at the end of that three months, I made $100 ,000.

[1180] And I was like, what in the fuck just happened?

[1181] And so, yeah, at that point, I was like, okay, your energy is different, Jack.

[1182] Like, you can do amazing things.

[1183] That was all I needed.

[1184] And after that, it was like, okay, God told me, like, you'll never worry about money again.

[1185] Just stay diligent.

[1186] When people ask you about this story, make sure you tell them that God did it.

[1187] That's it.

[1188] Just give them the God part of it, move a certain way, operate with high integrity, and you'll never worry about money again.

[1189] You'll be wildly successful beyond your wildest dreams.

[1190] And that was just like a real magical experience that people don't get to have, like talking to a voice that talks back to you and guides you and tells you and chastises you when you fuck up.

[1191] Like, I expect you to do something.

[1192] Don't fuck up again.

[1193] Go out there and do it right.

[1194] It's like, oh shit, I got someone who's actually checking me. He can see everything.

[1195] I do.

[1196] Did it ever cross your mind that it's your dad talking to you?

[1197] I just thought that.

[1198] I was just thinking that.

[1199] Actually, it was always my dad talking to me. It was always my dad's voice.

[1200] That's why I recognized it.

[1201] Like the laughing in the shelter.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] My dad has a very specific laugh.

[1204] It's like, he's the only person that got that laugh.

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] It's hysterical.

[1207] And that was the laugh.

[1208] And when he talks, like he talks in a very like, almost like a smart ass.

[1209] Like he's talking to you like, oh, you're so, you're such a bad ass angel.

[1210] Oh, look at you.

[1211] You.

[1212] You know.

[1213] You You're just going to make them do it.

[1214] Yeah.

[1215] You're cute.

[1216] Your cute is the sentiment, right?

[1217] Exactly, exactly.

[1218] You're so darling.

[1219] But yeah, like, that was the voice because that voice is always, like, pushed me. My dad never settled for average.

[1220] If I brought four A's and three Bs, he bought that shit up and threw it at me. Like, what the fuck is these Bs?

[1221] I'm like, they're high Bs.

[1222] I'm like, okay, well, bring them back when they high A's.

[1223] What can you bring me this bullshit for?

[1224] I'm supposed to, like, clap for you being mediocre?

[1225] I'm like, damn.

[1226] So I 100 % have recognized it as my dad's voice.

[1227] It's just hard to say that to people because people, they just feel weird.

[1228] So when I say it's God's voice, it's usually, it's easier to explain.

[1229] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1230] We are supported by Wondry, and specifically from the Wondry family.

[1231] Life is short with our buddy Justin Long.

[1232] God, we love Justin Long.

[1233] Oh, he's the most wonderful, charismatic, kind, cute.

[1234] Everything.

[1235] He's got it all.

[1236] Justin talks with celebrities, musicians, actors, and artists about how they get the most out of life.

[1237] I was one of those guests.

[1238] I had a really good time being on a show.

[1239] I guarantee each episode goes beyond what you'd expect to hear in an interview show.

[1240] He's pretty great at getting stories out of people.

[1241] He had Bon Jovion, and he shared that his mom wanted to crawl under the sheets after his performance in a local talent show because it was so horrible.

[1242] Oh, no. I'm sorry to hear that.

[1243] John Bond.

[1244] That's sad, John.

[1245] We've all been there.

[1246] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[1247] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[1248] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[1249] Hey, listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[1250] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[1251] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[1252] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[1253] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[1254] What's up, guys?

[1255] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast.

[1256] is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[1257] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[1258] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[1259] And I don't mean just friends.

[1260] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[1261] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[1262] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[1263] Don't worry.

[1264] He also asked the hard -hitting questions.

[1265] Like, if you could have one snack food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

[1266] What is your most commonly used emoji?

[1267] Listen to the latest episodes of Life is Short with Justin Long on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or you can listen ad free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app.

[1268] Wondry, feel the story.

[1269] We are supported by Solo Stove, the very manageable fireplace.

[1270] We love it.

[1271] We use it all the time.

[1272] What a conversation started the solo stove is.

[1273] We gather around it.

[1274] It gives you some heat.

[1275] Yeah.

[1276] Big time.

[1277] Warm you up on a cooler night.

[1278] Through some proprietary and absolutely revolutionary design, there is virtually no smoke.

[1279] Where is the smoke, Monica?

[1280] I don't know.

[1281] I don't understand the science, but it's perfect because you don't walk away stinking.

[1282] Yeah, you do not smell like smoke, but you've still had all the fun parts of a campfire.

[1283] And the best thing is, is it's not messy.

[1284] The cleanup is so easy.

[1285] And let me add, it's gorgeous stainless steel construction designed to regulate airflow and burn more efficiently.

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[1288] They're so confident you'll love it, they've offered a lifetime warranty and 30 -day free return policy.

[1289] No one needs a reason to gather around the fire.

[1290] Solo Stove just took away any reason not to.

[1291] And now you can get $10 off when you use promo code Dax at checkout.

[1292] Just go to Solostove .com and remember, you get $10 off when you use promo code Dax.

[1293] Well, what's interesting is, as you're saying it, like I don't have a belief in God, I believe in some shit, some like symmetry of the universe and stuff.

[1294] But my dad died really young too and it's weird.

[1295] My brother had him as a dad dad.

[1296] I didn't.

[1297] But I dream about him all the time.

[1298] I learn weird shit from him in these dreams.

[1299] I miss him in these dreams.

[1300] He comes back as the robust version of himself.

[1301] Like he was weak at the end and he was a lot of these things.

[1302] And I'll see him in his gregarious car salesman peak.

[1303] And I'm like, oh, that's right.

[1304] You were a bad motherfucker.

[1305] You were doing the thing I do, but you were doing it in Detroit.

[1306] Like, there's just a lot of shit.

[1307] So I can relate more to feeling some bizarre connection with my dad that I didn't really even have when he was alive.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] I can certainly relate because, like, our relationship got a little estranged with, like, the alcohol, just turned into a different person.

[1310] He was always very controlled and very, like, responsible.

[1311] And he just came the opposite.

[1312] It's like, damn, God.

[1313] Like, everything around you is ruining.

[1314] It's deteriorating and you're watching it.

[1315] well look dude i mean you're genetically half of him he certainly had a desire to control in the same way you do the way i do and the reason drugs and alcohol rule is because they're a vacation from that fucking daunting task of controlling every little thing around you at all times it's a vacation and for me i love it because it gave me a priority that was attainable so i wanted to be a movie star.

[1316] That wasn't obtainable.

[1317] But staying the right mount high, as soon as I got coax, soon as I did two lines, I know what my objective is for the next 48 hours.

[1318] I'm crystal clear.

[1319] I don't even have to think.

[1320] Like, okay, good.

[1321] My life just got real simple.

[1322] It's that.

[1323] I got to keep snorting that.

[1324] There's a weird comfort in that until there ain't.

[1325] I used to be a huge procrastinator.

[1326] And there's a comfort, there's always a comfort in putting off what you should be doing.

[1327] or in doing some other bullshit instead.

[1328] Like, man, I got work to do.

[1329] I'm going to watch TV.

[1330] Hey, let me just watch a quick episode turns into four hours.

[1331] Now I'm exhausted.

[1332] It would have only taken me an hour to do my work, but I wasted four hours to avoid one hour of fucking work.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] Or doing copious amounts of coke for 24 to 48 hours to avoid some shit that if I just took an hour or two to fucking focus on, I'd have figured it out.

[1335] But once you start, you don't stop.

[1336] Did you acquire other tools from places?

[1337] Because the way you talk about your relationship with sex and drugs and alcohol feels like something else is in the mix.

[1338] Like, for me, it's AA, but I don't know.

[1339] Like, you have some aware, are you in therapy or anything?

[1340] It's God, like, you know, books and shit.

[1341] You know what I mean?

[1342] I read books.

[1343] The only books I read are like Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale.

[1344] How to improve the human psyche, how to make yourself better than you otherwise would be.

[1345] It's all I've been obsessed with.

[1346] So I had just different quotes to pull from as I dealt with shit as I felt weak.

[1347] I would pull a quote from something.

[1348] And then just, I mean, I got a really strong relationship with God.

[1349] And I prayed for something.

[1350] You know, it's like people talk all the time about making deals with the devil.

[1351] I made a deal with God.

[1352] Like I legit made a real legit, like signing in blood on the rooftop.

[1353] I made a deal that I'm going to move a certain way.

[1354] As long as I move this way, I'm going to continue getting all these.

[1355] things that you've promised me and I'm going to like give God glory in all things and as long as I do these things it's just it's an agreement just like anything else you know you married you know you have an agreement with your wife and there's certain things that just you can't go back on that agreement or it severed that relationship and I'm just aware that like I'm so fucking blessed I left the shelter with 300 bucks and no one fucking with me in a city that I didn't know anyone and I made a million dollars off 300 bucks.

[1356] Yeah, it's incredible.

[1357] Your story's bonkers.

[1358] I mean, first of all, I am a hillbilly, so I don't know your shit.

[1359] I started looking images of all your suits, and they're so awesome.

[1360] Oh, my God.

[1361] And they all fit the people like crazy.

[1362] Your shit's the best.

[1363] There's a picture of you that's like seared in my mind of you and this like, it's almost like pea coat material, but it's got a checker pattern.

[1364] And just the way that thing fits.

[1365] fits.

[1366] It's a little long, but it's tight everywhere it's supposed to be.

[1367] It's like, yes, seared into my mind.

[1368] You're a crazy artist.

[1369] Thank you, man. And then obviously, in pandemic, you do Henry Mass, which Monica has a bunch of them.

[1370] Yes, they're fantastic.

[1371] And that was crazy successful.

[1372] Yeah, things are just on the on the rise, which is so great.

[1373] I mean, your clients are incredible.

[1374] Everyone who's anybody wants your stuff.

[1375] They're all one -offs.

[1376] I mean, everything's just so unique and novel and cool you're really incredible for i mean for me to be like who there's something going on there it's not a motorcycle so i don't really tend to care about anything other than those but yeah i mean it's really on inspiring i would urge anyone who's not seen your stuff to just google image your clothes they're incredible some of the suits are just outrageous absolutely i actually was looking at i'm like hmm i wonder if one day i'll try to pull one of those off like maybe i'll have some special event.

[1377] You could easily, like, it might not be the colorful shit with all the stripes, but like you in a tailored suit?

[1378] Like, you kidding me?

[1379] Absolutely.

[1380] It makes all the sense of the world.

[1381] I keep it reservoir dogs usually.

[1382] I just like them tight.

[1383] I like them a little flutty and I like skinny tie.

[1384] That's about the whole breadth of my suit fashion.

[1385] So I'm ready.

[1386] You're definitely ready.

[1387] We can get it.

[1388] I need some rich fresh.

[1389] Well, dude, your story's incredible.

[1390] And I really just enjoy talking, especially the OCD stuff we share.

[1391] It's not often we have a guest on where I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I did that with my eyes.

[1392] I mean, Monica can tell you, she can tell if I'm in a house within two seconds of being anywhere.

[1393] Lots of throat noises.

[1394] A lot of throat clearing.

[1395] A lot of throat clearing.

[1396] How about when you brush your teeth, do you brush your tongue until you gag?

[1397] Almost.

[1398] Okay.

[1399] You should try that.

[1400] I find that so, like, to me, that's how I know I did my job.

[1401] Like, I'm throwing up now.

[1402] So we're there.

[1403] Like, eyes are definitely watering.

[1404] If your eyes aren't watering, and your tongue isn't pink, you still got more work to do.

[1405] That's right.

[1406] Roll up your sleeves and get back in there.

[1407] You're not uncomfortable physically yet.

[1408] Well, dude, great meeting you.

[1409] I wish you continued success, and I can't wait to bump into you in real life.

[1410] Yeah, we'll make it happen.

[1411] We'll talk the bondage of masculinity.

[1412] It is bondage, man. I think once we get that one off, you move so much further in life when you're not unnecessarily macho.

[1413] It's not necessary.

[1414] Yeah, yeah.

[1415] You know, I think we are all coming to.

[1416] to terms with how destructive it is to women, but I think what's newly being looked at, which I'm grateful for, is like, just how fucking destructive it is to us.

[1417] But, like, we just kill ourselves, too, or just rack up all this wreckage and regret and shame.

[1418] It's fucking brutal.

[1419] We hold ourselves to, like, standards that aren't ours.

[1420] No, it's like 80s action hero movie.

[1421] Smoke all the Marlboro Reds, you know?

[1422] No seatbelt action over here.

[1423] no no no no no that's a weakness i'll go through that windshield with a smile on my face you know what i'm saying no don't do that you have a family to think about you know what i'm saying like that's the new the new mindset is like think of your family and the people that care about you i think women do that much better than men do and i think it's like we should learn so much from women like they have to move so differently to think about all these other people and men are just like we just think about us.

[1424] Yeah.

[1425] It's the me show 24 -7.

[1426] Well, Fresh, you're radical.

[1427] I'm so glad I got to meet you.

[1428] And again, I hope I bump into you in real life.

[1429] Yeah, it's been a pleasure.

[1430] Both Dax and Monica, love you guys.

[1431] Punk was one of my favorites.

[1432] So you're a legend for that.

[1433] Oh, thank you.

[1434] Thank you.

[1435] Thank you.

[1436] All right, brother.

[1437] Bye.

[1438] Talk to you.

[1439] Talk to me. Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1440] You can listen every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad -free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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